#How to Nonbinary a Language

[lgbtqreads]

March 2025 Deal Announcements

Adult Fiction Lev Rosen‘s THE DISASTER GAY DETECTIVE AGENCY, a contemporary humorous mystery, in which a group of queer friends, each a loveable disaster in their own way, accidentally get mixed up in a bewildering murder and must solve it before one of them becomes the next victim, to Jenna Jankowski at Poisoned Pen Press, at auction, in a two-book deal, by Joy Tutela at David Black Literary…

[ulteri0rm0tives]

Do I think Johnny can cook anything beyond basic pre made meals like spaghetti from a jar? Nah. But I do think he could make a mean full American breakfast, talking eggs bacon hashbrowns fuck maybe even french toast, and WHATEVER maybe this is self indulgent because I want to imagine him making breakfast for V and him while passing it off like that was not at all his intention, just whoops, seemed to have made extra, guess u could have some but yr making yr own plate, already gonna have to deal with all the fucking clean up, and V is just smiling at him, rolling his eyes, like 'okay dude im sure thats what happened'. Because let's be honest, if Johnny was just making himself breakfast, at best it's a pre-packaged scop burrito nuked in the microwave, at worst it's a cigarette and a coffee from the vending machine.

[captocie]

i've just seen another post asking what the gender neutral or nonbinary word is for "sir" or "ma'am" and i'd like to put forth "em" as a solution.

"sir" comes from sire, "ma'am" comes from "madam." "em" then, comes from "eminence" as in "will that be all your eminence?" or "will that be all em?"

it's short and quick to say, like both sir and ma'am, and it's gender neutral and stems from a word denoting nobility like both sir and ma'am

[mothmans-cumrag]

Am I the only trans*/nonbinary German who is already constructing a plan where to move to and what to take with you in case we lose the country to fascism again?

[uncanny-tranny]

I've been thinking about modesty from a specifically trans lense lately. I was taught that modesty indicates shame, that modesty means you're simultaneously ashamed of being human and having a human body, but also that you are "purer" because you adhere to a hegemonic idea of modesty. Frankly, I just don't agree with this, and it was very much steeped in the idea of specifically christian ideas of modesty.

Before I transitioned, I felt very unprotective of my body because it never felt like mine to begin with. I didn't really care what happened to it, and while I was modest by other people's standards, I certainly didn't feel it. Once I actually started transitioning (and especially on testosterone), I've found that I'm so much more "modest" because I've become protective of my body. There's this stereotype that trans people start "showing themselves off" after transitioning, but I honestly feel the opposite. I'm possessive over my body and exactly how it acts and appears because I actually like my body, and it finally feels like mine. I'm honestly kind of selfish about it, and I think I've earned the right to be.

I made this post because I think this is an interesting topic, and I think it's interesting the ways in which we internalize the influences that be. It's also a reminder that no matter how you feel about things like modesty, you should adhere to what makes the most sense to you and what you are most comfortable with. There are pressures to be modest in this way or that way, but what truly matters is what you decide with your body and yourself.

[pricemarshfield]

reading world of thedas for the dragon age au i’m writing and man. it has me yearning for a version of veilguard that didn’t come to pass…

[saulbaby]

My mom dead ass just invented neopronouns bc she thought they sounds confusing as a singular

[spinnysocks]

it's so weird and irritating how certain descriptors are close to fitting, but they're not quite there

they are so close! to how i want to be called or described, but they're just... not... how i want to be called or described

so,

shoutout to those who don't feel described by mr, ms or even mx

shoutout to those who don't feel described by woman, man, enby, any of the sort

shoutout to those who don't feel described by boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, etc

shoutout to those who don't feel described by cute, pretty, beautiful, handsome, the list goes on

and to those who feel iffy or uncomfortable by those terms, especially those who feel they have no other choice but to go by them

i see you, i understand. <3 i'm always welcome to and hoping to hear some new or different terms :)

[gorimbaudandgojohnnygo]

so here’s something - for a while, last year and a little at the beginning of this one, i was going through an identity crisis involving my sexual orientation. though i’d never before had a problem with being bisexual, suddenly it seemed wrong. and i started thinking: is it just that i only like girls and am fooling myself into thinking i still like boys? over the months, i came to see that, obviously, i do really like boys. but something still felt wrong. over the past month and a half i have realized that what felt wrong was not in fact my sexual orientation, but my gender identity. i like girls AND boys, but i AM a boy. i have no desire to have an operation or take testosterone (although sometimes i do get a little sad that i cannot grow a fabulous moustache); i am pretty comfortable in the fact that i am a boy with girlparts, who likes to wear makeup and dresses some of the time. and sinclair, my raindog boy, who is not straight, was the first boy in a while to really understand this about me. in fact, he mostly referred to me as his boyfriend jack, and we even got queerbashed a couple times while making out in public - which i was not happy about cos queerbashing SUCKS, but it means that even idiots thought we were both boys. and i got myself a strapon and finally got to have sex as a boy, with another boy, and it felt more right than any sex i’d had in a long time.

sorry if this was all too much info but i had to share with someone, and i feel like out of anyone, you’d understand. not cos you’ve felt the same way, just cos you know what it is like to feel uncomfortable in yer own skin, and how great it is when you finally feel comfortable in it.

[from a letter to E., 10/9/07]

[nokingsonlyfooles]

On the Occasion of Watching an Artist I Respect Spend A Hour Arguing for the Beauty and Societal Value of Conforming to Standards Set By The People In Charge Of These Matters

RE:re:Re:re:CC:Re: My Language of Self-Expression (or lack thereof)

I like when I express something and you understand me. I like when I express myself in a way that you find has additional aesthetic or entertainment value. I like when you notice who I am, and it amuses me when you make guesses based on my appearance and behaviour. It's fun when you guess right!

I DON'T like it when you turn around and try to tell me who I am. I REALLY DON'T like it when you CORRECT something I'm trying to say because I'm not saying it up to the standard you expect from someone who does whatever it is you think I'm doing. Even if that is actually what I'm trying to do. Even if I'm being incoherent and desperately need an edit to be understood, I still don't LIKE that. At least ask me what I'm trying to say and why before you swat me with whatever version of Strunk and White you're using as a ruler.

If you need to rearrange my pieces like Tinker Toys to allow my participation in society, I'm out. And I'm so tired of rearranging myself to suit you and hiding whatever doesn't fit. I still do it, but I'm exhausted.

I don't need to make up all my own words/tropes/styles/colours/musical notes. None of us have time for that. I'll use what's here, mostly. I'll conform for the privilege of existing in a society to that extent! But I won't always use things like you want me to, and I may add a new word or structure here and there - when I need them. Because, frankly, Society, you have spent and still spend a lot of time pretending I don't exist and you're not interested in giving me all I need to be seen and understood.

You can't see all of me from where you are. I put some effort into expressing things I want to express, but I can't give you all of me. Even if I covered my dissected body in words for you to read, that wouldn't account for more than a tiny fraction of who I am as a person - and you're not entitled to flay and expose me that way trying to understand. I'm here, I exist, you should see me (not all of you, but if you exist near me, you should definitely see me), but I need you to respect what I'm willing to share and how I'm willing to share it. Not always accept, not always. (I don't always say things well and I try to improve - I really do!) Just respect. Trust that I'm a real human being who's not out here trying to do damage for fun.

And if it bothers you to see me for some reason - I don't know, maybe I'm trying to access a bathroom while gender-ambiguous, or maybe I'm just in a stained T-shirt and leggings as pants because I have to wear something and it's comfy - that's probably a "you" problem. Not always, just probably. Take a minute and consider how and if you want to express that about yourself.

If we fix every "ugly" thing to suit your tastes, we're going to lose a lot of cool stuff other people are using and enjoying. I like being seen and understood, but if I let you cram me into a box that suits a type and erase me, you won't see me at all.

[snowstories]

I really hate seeing people's efforts to somehow redefine lesbianism in a way that incorporates nonbinary people because it just doesn't work. 'Lesbians are women exclusively attracted to women. I mean women and nonbinary people attracted exclusively to women and nonbinary people. I mean non-men attracted exclusively to non-men. I mean –' all these knots people tie themselves in attempting to slot nonbinary people into a binary concept without admitting that the framework of society itself simply makes this impossible. As if the exact wording of the definition is the problem here. As if the societal non-existance of nonbinary people as a class can be resolved with gender neutral language.

The way we conceptualize sexual/romantic attraction is fundamentally based on a binary notion of gender and there is nothing anyone can do to make labels such as 'gay man', 'lesbian' and 'heterosexual' gender-neutral because they are based on gender. Lesbianism is based in womanhood and in societal friction with this gender, just as gayness is based in manhood and societal friction with this gender. Denying these connections to gender and redefining them to be as 'inclusive' of nonbinary people as possible will not change this reality. What has changed about lesbianism since people have tried to redefine it as 'non-men loving non-men'? Has lesbianism become less about women? Of course not. Changing the words you use to describe a phenomena does not change the phenomena itself.

These discussions on how to define lesbianism are, to me, indicative of the fundamental problem with the way even queer people, even other nonbinary people, treat nonbinary gender. It focuses on lightly tweaking language, on adding some new identity options on paperwork, on changing some labels and proclaiming this makes society inclusive of nonbinary people, as if all that excludes nonbinary people from society are words.

Gender is not an identity, it is a system. A series of systems, even, a mechanism integral to the workings of society. And this system is binary, it has two types of cogs, and any new cogs that get slotted in need to at least resemble these two types, otherwise the machine breaks. I don't give a fuck what colour we paint these cogs, what words we use to define gendered concepts: a new coat of paint won't make the cog fit. You have to file it down for that.

Society is not inclusive of nonbinary gender and it will never be, there is no way to just slot nonbinary gender into a binary system without taking the entire damn machine apart. Our concept of attraction is incompatible with nonbinary gender, our concept of oppression is incompatible with nonbinary gender, existance in society is incompatible with nonbinary gender. But actually dismanteling society at the roots is hard, scary, and complicated. So let's just say the patriarchy oppresses non-men and call it a day.

[solidwater05]

I made a spreadsheet of referential terms!

I'll update this as I find new terms!

[arttsuka]

Read your post earlier about being harassed by some scum and just want to say I'm sorry to hear about it my dude (idk your pronouns I'm sorry, but I call everyone dude regardless of gender.) It can be quite hard sometimes, just simply existing and being nonsensically bothered for it. I can understand this quite well as a visible butch, whenever I'm out alone, I'm always slightly afraid of being confronted (if I'm not mistaken for being a boy first.) But no matter where you look, there will be assholes. Yet on the other hand, there are perhaps more lovely, kind human beings out there. Whenever your art comes on my dashboard, it makes me chuckle to see the mountain of wonderful jedtavious pieces that you've created. It might seem hard in those moments when you're being harassed and the overwhelming wave of fear of confrontation hits you, but know that the wave will eventually pass, even if it seems like your drowning. Get well soon my dude and to quote Jedidiahs bestie Arthur Morgan, you're ok boah

This made me tear up, thank you.

I know there are kind people out there behavior (this ask is proof of that, someone who doesn't know me being kind for no reason other than that they can), it's just that society promotes bad behavior. It's 'normal' for some people to pick on others for a quick laugh, it's what they were taught growing up. I have hope that the new generation of kids will be better on that regard, have more compassion for the people around them. Patriarchy hurts everyone but that's common knowledge at this point.

And I know my existence does not warrant harassment, it's just hard to acknowledge that all the time. The negative confrontations stick to my brain and it's like a pile, building up until it becomes too hard to ignore.

I have that mentality that you should treat people how you want to be treated (just like newton's 3rd law, or is it the 2nd?) and it really sucks that this isn't the reality we're living in. No matter how kind you try to be there are always some bad apples out there.

I'm glad my drawings bring some joy to people, it really means a lot to me (I'm always very critical of my 'art' so relieving compliments is very awkward? in the sense that i never know how to respond without sounding robotic).

Thank you for taking time out of your day to send me this long paragraph, I really appreciate it.

Btw I too think dude, bro, gurlll etc are gender neutral.

I'm really bad at words, I can't articulate my thoughts very well so I hope I'm not coming off as I'm uninterested or ungrateful.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

what if we held on to whatever we get the idea of as Normal as unquestionable & think all you can do to this normal is apply some veneers overtop it to be more polite & also resent that. maybe we could project that everyone who seems to be Annoyingly Disruptively doing more than this must be putting on a performance to look good &/or humor others b/c that's all we ever believe we're doing, & again, we resent even that much....maybe we could use our show of More Polite language to make the same points blaming everyone who our Normal mistreats for their own mistreatment

[satoriberry]

tha terf paradox of promoting acceptance of oneself's biological nature and not changing it for societal ideologies but then turning around and criticizing any person that has a different perception of their biological nature that doesn't immediately enter the "male or female" binary hmmm,,,,

[prince-liest]

на РУССКОМ значит говоришшш да??? очень рада знать, что вот какой отличный писатель еще может на моем главном языке шпарить, как то лестно х))) спасибо за написание таких шедевров как live on air, и я должна Вам сообщить что оно мне дало знать что я в действительности тоже асексуальна! у меня были подозрения в прошлом, но я даже знать не знала что моё отношения к любви совсем другое чем у моих подруг. я, как аластор, считала что я просто еще не нашла своего ‘единственного’ который заставит моё сердце биться быстрее и т.д и т.п 😂😂😂 а может и не нашла, у всех своя судьба. вообщем, просто обрадовалась знать что Вы как и я говорите на русском! Удачного дня))) 💖

I'm so behind asks, I feel like I blinked and this one was over a week old! I hope you don't mind me replying in English for a couple of reasons - firstly, because I genuinely have no idea how to conjugate anything to gender neutral in Russian without defaulting to the royal 'we', and second because I can't spell very well, oops.

Anyway, hello! :D That's lovely to hear - honestly, you, me, and Alastor are all on the same team in that regard, hahaha. I spent a really long time assuming that nobody interesting enough for me had just come along, so I know the feeling. I'm really glad that my works were able to offer another option to think about for you! Thank you so much, and I hope you have had a lovely week for the...eight days it took me to get to this part of my ask backlog. orz

There are a surprisingly large number of Russian-speaking folks in fandom (especially the Hazbin fandom), it's always really awesome to see! Even if I am personally somewhat limited in my communications.