#How to Reactivate My Square Account

[amateurvoltaire]

Usually when an English speaker is getting into the history of the French Revolution and wants to go beyond Wikipedia, they stumble on The Twelve Who Ruled. It’s inevitable. Since 1941 it has been a staple of lecture halls and history aficionados alike.

For me it was one of the first things I read, many years ago, and it shaped, to some extent, how I approached the period. I read it again last year, expecting to see it differently. I didn’t. It’s an old book. But still, by the standards of 21st-century historiography, largely accurate.

So since it’s a book a lot of beginners encounter, and since I’ve had half a mind to review some of the dozens of books on the French Revolution I own, I thought it would be a good place to start.

I will be assessing this book (and all others I review) on a scale from 1 to 5 in eight categories:

Before we start, remember two things:

This is my review, which means it is, by definition, biased. I try to stay as neutral as possible, but no one is fully objective.

You should never take anything as fact. I research things. I enjoy researching things. I spend far too much time researching things. But I’m human, and that means I make mistakes. Challenge everything you read, including this.

Twelve Who Ruled: An In-depth Review

Historical Accuracy

For a book published in the 1940s, Twelve Who Ruled is remarkable in how much of it remains uncontested, especially given that archival access in France was impossible during the war. Using only the printed sources available to him, Palmer built a richly detailed narrative of Year II. He avoided major factual errors and did not indulge in the lurid exaggerations or mythologising that often plagued earlier accounts of the Revolution.

On the contrary, Palmer’s portraits of key figures and events have stood the test of time. His depiction of Robespierre, for example, was unmatched in its balance, nuance and restraint when the book was published. Subsequent scholarship has generally confirmed Palmer’s factual claims. Indeed, many of his interpretations have been validated by later evidence: for instance, he is one of the first to advance the argument that the Terror’s policies were reactive responses to severe crises, rather than a premeditated program of mass violence, and that Robespierre never exercised dictatorial authority.

Eighty years later, Twelve Who Ruled still holds up as a factually sound work. Far from perpetuating discredited myths, Palmer steered a middle course, avoiding both Thermidorian clichés about a “blood-mad” Committee and hagiographic Jacobin legends.

Historiographical Position

When situating The Twelve Who Ruled within the landscape of French Revolution historiography, it is important to remember that Palmer was writing in 1941, before most of the major scholarly camps had fully taken shape. His work does not fit neatly into the classic categories of Marxist, Revisionist, or post-Revisionist schools (1), though it engaged with and later influenced those debates.

Palmer’s approach was essentially a liberal narrative of the Revolution’s most turbulent phase. He focused on the pragmatic demands of governance during an existential crisis, rather than on class struggle or ideological abstraction. This already set him apart from the Marxist tradition. His attention remained squarely on the actions and dilemmas of the twelve men on the Committee of Public Safety, and on the political and military pressures that shaped their decisions.

He also diverged from what would later become the Revisionist school. While Palmer shared their scepticism of class determinism, he did not embrace their emphasis on ideology as the primary driver. His account treats the Terror less as a product of revolutionary rhetoric than as a contingent response to internal collapse and foreign invasion. He was wary of overly ideological explanations.

In short, The Twelve Who Ruled occupies a distinctive historiographical position. As the first serious monograph on the Committee of Public Safety, it predates the Cold War polarities that shaped later scholarship. In my opinion, Palmer might best be described as a pragmatic liberal historian of the French Revolution. He did not write in the Marxist tradition of Lefebvre or Soboul (though he admired Lefebvre enough to translate his work), nor did he share the iconoclastic edge of later revisionists like Cobban or Furet (2).

Use of Primary Sources

Writing during World War II from the United States, Palmer relied entirely on published primary sources available in America. These included a wide range of printed materials: the proceedings and debates of the National Convention, official documents and reports of the Committee of Public Safety, as well as memoirs, letters, and revolutionary newspapers.

This breadth of material allowed him to reconstruct the Committee’s decisions and actions almost day by day, giving his narrative credibility. Crucially, Palmer did not confine himself to Paris. Because he was interested in the representatives on mission and provincial enforcement of the Terror, he also consulted sources on events in Lyon, Alsace, and Brittany. For its time, the study had a notably wide geographic scope.

Even so, Palmer’s research was limited to what was in print. He lacked access to unpublished archives, local records, or police files that later historians would use to deepen the field of social history. His source base is political and governmental. It reflects the perspective of the revolutionary authorities, not that of ordinary people.

In short, Palmer worked almost entirely with documents written by the deputies and officials (all men) who “ruled.” As a result, the book pays less attention to marginal voices (3). The result is a body of sources broad in political scope, if limited in social depth.

Palmer’s use of sources is generally careful and even-handed. He provides context for the material he cites and avoids cherry-picking. His work relies on French-language sources, as expected for the subject (4). While not archive-based in the modern sense, the research was solid enough that the book’s factual foundation has remained largely intact even after eighy years of further research.

Methodological Rigor

The Twelve who Ruled is not overtly theoretical; its strength lies in a coherent narrative framework and a clear analytical focus. In an era when many academic historians were often abandoning narrative and turning to structural or conceptual models, Palmer resisted the trend. He showed that storytelling, when anchored in analysis, could still carry serious weight. He did not invoke grand theories (Marxist class theory, Tocquevillian social theory, etc.), nor did he fill the text with historiographical jargon. Instead, he focused on applying a steady interpretive lens to the events of 1793–1794.

The idea that the Revolution’s survival hinged on creating a unified, legitimate, and forceful authority during the crisis is the leitmotif of the book. Every chapter, whether addressing the war effort, economic controls, or factional purges, returns to this analytical core. In methodological terms, Palmer’s approach can be described as problem-driven narrative.He identifies the central issue (governing amid chaos) and examines how various factors (personalities, ideologies, circumstances) shaped the response attempted by the Committee of Public Safety. The result is a tightly focused analysis. Despite covering a tumultuous year, the reader always understands why events unfold as they do: because the revolutionaries were trying, with varying degrees of success and virtue, to resolve the Republic’s existential crisis.

In discussing key concepts such as “revolution,” “terror,” and “virtue,” Palmer adopts sensible, if traditional, definitions. He uses the term “Terror” in his title and narrative because it was (and remains) the conventional label for the period, but he is careful to unpack what it meant in practice. He does not treat “The Terror” as a monolithic or abstract force. Instead, he breaks it down into specific policies and events (the Law of Suspects, the Revolutionary Tribunal’s activities, pressure from the sans-culottes etc.) to show how violence was implemented pragmatically, not philosophically.

Notably, Palmer did not anachronistically impose the term “Reign of Terror” on everything, he knew that the term gained currency mainly after Robespierre’s fall. His narrative implies, in line with modern findings, that the revolutionary government itself did not treat “Terror” as a coherent policy slogan (5). Palmer’s treatment of terror as a concept is methodological. He presents it as an emergency government and analyses the mechanics and morality of state violence without becoming entangled in a semantic argument.

His treatment of “revolution” and “virtue” follows the same logic. He presents the Revolution as a struggle to preserve the Republic against its enemies, even at the cost of violating some of its founding principles. He regularly cites the ideals of liberty and equality, and the 1789 Constitution, not to celebrate them but to underline the irony of their suspension “until the peace.” The term “virtue” appears mainly in the context of revolutionary rhetoric, particularly Robespierre’s vision of republican virtue. Palmer does not deliver a philosophical essay on the term. He lets Robespierre and Saint-Just speak for themselves, then examines the consequences. His analysis makes it clear that he understands Jacobin virtue as a kind of austere civic morality, which he implicitly weighs against liberal values.

Methodologically, Palmer is rigorous and consistent. He poses an implicit question: how did twelve men govern a revolution in crisis?—and answers it through a chronological but analytical narrative. His framework is free of glaring contradictions. He weaves political, military, and economic history into a single, unified argument.

The clarity of Palmer’s conceptual handling is evident in how easily the argument can be distilled. Readers never wonder what Palmer thinks the Terror was. He sees it as a revolutionary dictatorship, a term he uses without apology. It was, in some respects, effective (securing military victory), in others, creative (experimenting with democratic forms and state control), and in many, morally troubling.

Narrative Style

This is a subjective category, but one of Palmer’s greatest strengths lies in his narrative style, which is both clear and engaging. Unlike some academic history books, Twelve Who Ruled reads almost like a story, albeit a richly documented one, of a dramatic year in French history. Palmer’s prose is accessible and relatively free of jargon. He was writing for an educated audience, but not exclusively for specialists, and this shows in the readability of the text.

The story is driven by the vivid personalities of the twelve Committee members and the high-stakes drama they lived through. At times, Palmer almost novelistically follows individual members into the provinces or captures the atmosphere in the Convention, which helps the reader visualise events. This blend of narrative colour and historical evidence keeps the text grounded.

That said, the book does not read like a novel throughout. Twelve Who Ruled is densely detailed, and Palmer does not simplify the complexity of Year II. Some sections, for example those on the organisation of war production or the Committee’s internal bureaucracy, are dry and require the reader to absorb a large amount of technical information. However, these are consistently interwoven with more dramatic material such as battles, trials, and political confrontations. The balance keeps the pacing steady across the text.

Palmer is particularly effective in his character sketches. Each of the twelve becomes memorable (Carnot the stern military organiser, Barère the silver-tongued pragmatist, Saint-Just the youthful ideologue etc.) without collapsing into cliché. These almost literary portraits make the reader more invested in the unfolding story.

Perhaps most striking is the absence of pretension in Palmer’s style.His prose has a classic literary quality: measured, erudite, but never self-important. Compared to many writers of historical research, Palmer’s style is disciplined. He doesn’t try to prove his intelligence with a flood of ornate language. He simply writes well.

Originality and Contribution

Upon publication, Twelve Who Ruled was an innovative and ground-breaking contribution to French Revolutionary studies. R. R. Palmer effectively pioneered the focused study of the Committee of Public Safety, a subject that, surprisingly, had never before been treated in a comprehensive monograph. In 1941, historiography on the French Revolution was rich in general narratives and class analyses of 1789 or the broader revolutionary period, but the intense year of the Terror and its governing body had received no sustained study. Palmer filled that gap brilliantly.

By focusing on the twelve men of the Committee and examining their rule as a collective, Palmer offered a new angle. Rather than writing a biography of Robespierre or a general history of the Revolution, he did something original: a group portrait of a revolutionary government in action. This approach yielded fresh insights by highlighting the role of less-famous figures like Billaud-Varene, Lindet, the two Prieur(s) or Saint-André in winning the war and running the country.

At the time, interpretations of the Terror tended to fall into polemical extremes, either apologetic or scathing. Palmer’s contribution was to demystify the Terror. He did not glorify it or denounce it in moral absolutes. He analysed it as a political and historical reality. That stance was unusual in 1941, especially for an American historian. His work managed to synthesise insights from competing schools: it acknowledged the Terror’s necessity in context, a point later taken up by leftist historians, while also recognising its moral and strategic failures, a view more often stressed by revisionists.

This balance gave the book lasting academic value. This synthesis gave the book a lasting academic impact, as it could be read profitably by people on different sides of the interpretive spectrum.

Authorial Bias and Political Agenda

Palmer’s personal values and context inevitably informed his work, yet Twelve Who Ruled is notably measured and fair-minded, without a heavy-handed political agenda. R. R. Palmer was a liberal-democratic American intellectual, and someone who valued the ideals of the Enlightenment and constitutional government. That perspective quietly shapes the book. Palmer clearly admires certain principles of 1789 and he often reminds the reader of what was lost when the Terror regime suspended civil liberties and elections. His sympathy for liberal democracy leads him to approach the Committee of Public Safety with a critical eye, especially regarding their use of coercion and violence. He does not defend the guillotine or the repression of dissent. On the contrary, he treats those as regrettable, if at times understandable, choices.

Crucially, Palmer’s liberalism does not reduce his book to a simple anti-revolutionary stance. If anything, there is a degree of admiration for the Committee’s sense of duty and purpose, even as he remains aware of the compromises they made. He describes the Committee’s rule as a “dictatorship,” but one born of necessity, reflecting a liberal’s reluctant concession that extreme times may call for extreme measures. His relief when the Terror ends is unmistakable. The tone around Thermidor suggests a welcome return to politics as usual, though he does not spare the Thermidorians from criticism either.

Throughout, Palmer shows a clear preference for moderation. He tends to praise figures like Barère or Carnot when they show pragmatism or hesitation toward the use of violence. Barère is labelled, for instance, a “reluctant terrorist,” someone who chose expediency over fanaticism. In contrast, Palmer is more critical of those he sees as driven by ideology. Figures such as Billaud-Varenne or Collot d’Herbois are portrayed less sympathetically, as hardliners whose insistence on revolutionary purity helped drive repression too far.

Even here, Palmer does not resort to caricature. He places the actions of extremists in context, explaining their behaviour as a product of pressure rather than inherent cruelty. His bias, to the extent that it appears, leans toward moderate, pragmatic politics. He gives implicit approval when the Committee acts with competence and restraint. He shows clear discomfort when ideological rigidity overrides practical judgment.

If anything, the book carries a mild Whiggish tone (6). Palmer seems to view the Terror as a detour from the path of democratic progress, a necessary detour but a detour nonetheless. This aligns with a classical liberal reading of the Revolution, where 1789 and 1793 are seen not as a permanent rupture, but as part of the long and painful emergence of liberal democracy. In the final chapters, Palmer’s relief at the Republic’s military victories and the subsiding of emergency measures feels almost celebratory, implying a return to the Revolution’s original liberal course. Yet, he also soberly concludes with the personal tragedies of the twelve, showing that history’s verdict is complicated.

It is also worth noting what Palmer does not do. Namely, propaganda.

Twelve Who Ruled is not a cautionary tale or propaganda tract. Given that it was written in 1941, with fascism on the rise, one might expect an American liberal to use the French Terror to denounce totalitarianism. But Palmer avoids crude analogies. He lets readers draw their own conclusions. A reader in 1941 might well think of Hitler or Stalin while reading about the dangers of concentrated power, but Palmer does not push that comparison. His portrait of the Committee, a dictatorial body that nevertheless saved France, complicates any simple moral about dictatorship. The lesson is not imposed.

Suitability for Teaching or Further Research

Over the years, Twelve Who Ruled has proven highly effective for teaching the French Revolution and remains a reliable point of entry for further research. Its structured narrative and wide scope make it a strong introduction for students and general readers, while its analytical precision offers more experienced readers material for reflection and debate. Within Anglophone historiography, few works cover Year II with the same aplomb.

The book’s focus on individual leaders and specific crises helps anchor the chronology of 1793 to 1794 in something tangible and humane. Because Palmer explains context as he goes, for example by giving background on the Vendée revolt, the Federalist insurrections, and the food shortages, it allows even newcomers to the topic to grasp the wider dynamics of the period.

Its limitations are those of its time. Now more than eighty years old, the book does not reflect more recent developments in the field. Questions of gender, global context, symbolic culture, and the experience of ordinary people are not part of Palmer’s framework.

Most importantly, the book is so well-written that even someone unaccustomed to reading non-fiction will find it engaging. It does not demand specialist knowledge, but it never talks down to the reader. As an introduction to the French Revolution, it is hard to beat. Few works manage to be this serious, this readable, and this enduring at the same time. It remains a book worth reading, not just for what it says about 1793, but for how well it says it.

Notes

(1) This is worth a post of its own, but in short—and this is an extremely simplified summary—the historiography of the French Revolution can be broadly outlined as follows:

Conservative reaction (1790s to 1890s): Sees the Revolution as a catastrophe that overturned legitimate order. Authors: Edmund Burke, Hippolyte Taine, Louis de Bonald.

Liberal narrative (1820s to 1910s): Praises the moderate reforms of 1789, condemns later extremism, and stresses continuity with the Old Regime. Authors: Adolphe Thiers, Alexis de Tocqueville, François Guizot.

Radical republican and proto-socialist (1840s to 1930s): Celebrates popular egalitarianism and defends Jacobin democracy. Authors: Jules Michelet, Louis Blanc, Jean Jaurès.

Marxist classical social school (1920s to mid-1960s): Frames the Revolution as a bourgeois class struggle that abolished feudalism and views the Terror as a necessary defence. Authors: Albert Mathiez, Georges Lefebvre, Albert Soboul, Michel Vovelle.

Revisionist critique (mid-1960s to late 1980s): Rejects the class model, emphasises political contingency and the culture of violence. Authors: Alfred Cobban, William Doyle, François Furet, Simon Schama, Patrice Gueniffey.

Post-revisionist and cultural turn (late 1980s to 2000s): Combines political and social analysis, focuses on language, symbols, and local experiences. Authors: Lynn Hunt, Timothy Tackett, Jean-Clément Martin, Mona Ozouf, Roger Chartier, Peter McPhee, Hervé Leuwers.

There are also several other areas of research like Gender History and Colonial Perspectives which emerged in the 1980s and 1990s.

(2) It goes without saying that recent post-revisionist trends, including cultural and gender-focused approaches, lie outside Palmer’s scope. These methodologies only emerged decades after 1941. Palmer does not, for example, examine revolutionary festivals, political symbols, or the “culture of citizenship” as later cultural historians would.

(3) This is not unique to Palmer. Most scholarship of his time ignores marginalised groups, including women, the poor, enslaved people, and colonial subjects.

(4) PSA: if you are reading a history book on a specific country or event, and most of its sources are not in that country’s language, stop reading.

(5) Palmer does recount the demand of 5 September 1793 to make terror “the order of the day,” but he treats it as a historical moment rather than an ideological programme.

(6) Whiggish refers to a teleological view of history, typically associated with 19th-century liberal thought. It sees the past as a steady march toward progress, constitutional government, and political liberty. A “Whiggish” historian tends to interpret events as steps on the road to modern democracy, even when those steps include violent detours.

[fourseasonsfigs]

Building Block Figs - Armory

Following up on the recent sets of building block figs I've been posting, comes one of my absolute favorites!

As I mentioned with the earlier fig sets (Building Block Figs - Beautiful Fight Scene in the Middle of the Lake (Part One, Two, and Coda); Basking in the Sun, Catching Light, and Two Devils), I missed these sets when they first came out, so I've had to pick them all up on Xianyu. With the exception of this set! This one I couldn't get on Xianyu, despite my best efforts. I have only seen it for sale exactly once, and when I tried to buy it, it turned out the listing was only up to draw traffic, and the seller just had one other (vaguely related) set. I was resigned to just keep watching and searching for it and hoping for the best, which was a real pity, because just from the small sales picture I really, really had to have it.

Thankfully! Qilin, the merch wrangler extraordinaire (@88Qilin on Twitter), had bought this set way back in the day, and when she heard I was on the search for more of these sets, was kind enough to check in with me to see if I needed it. AND BOY DID I. She immediately sent it off, and it arrived in record time! She even included some wonderful little extras, that I took a picture of immediately, but for some reason can no longer find. I'll take another pic and add it! In the meantime, I'll add a placeholder:

[Qilin's extra goodies pic goes here]

I was so excited to get this set, I can't even tell you. I feel super, super lucky.

(Fun fact, Qilin is the reason I originally found out about fan made figs in the first place! I saw her post on Twitter (also way back in the day) about the New Year's series of 6 figs, and I absolutely had to have them. I had just reactivated my long-dormant Twitter account to keep up with the fandom, and I was super nervous to message her, thinking she would be like, "who is this total rando messaging me out of nowhere?!" But no, she was super nice, and very helpful, and it was entirely thanks to her I was able to buy the whole set. A minor miracle at the time, trust me, considering how green I was at navigating Weidian back then. If you ever want to buy figs directly, definitely check out her pinned post walkthrough on her Twitter page, it's invaluable information.)

The set came sealed and as usual, in a plain box. Inside there was the same set up as the other sets in this series - a double bagged bag of bricks, the card with the QR code for the online 3-D instructions, and a handy little tool to separate bricks.

The full name of this set is Lao Wen Sacrificed his Life to Save Ah Xu. It measures 8.0 x 5.6 x 12.1 cm, and is rated 10 hours to complete. The "hours to complete" ratings have been extremely accurate to date. But, I was determined to get this set done over this holiday weekend, so hoped that my prior experience on these would serve me well to get it done in record time. So I timed myself!

Here I am getting ready to start. Not a lot of colors, which is typical for these sets. Not too bad looking, huh? You'll notice that unlike the other sets, I didn't carefully pre-sort out all the pieces by size and shape. I simply sorted by color and left them in big piles like this, in a bid to shave off even more time. I was a bit curious if it would be faster to hunt-and-peck through each pile for the right bricks, or if sorting them was about the same. Given that it took about an hour to sort through the larger sets, I decided to roll the dice here.

The directions informed me there were 184 steps in this set. Not too bad! I sat down, put on my headphones, cranked up some music, and got started.

I finished the first little block just as fast as could be. I was flying! I was so proud of myself. It was a holiday weekend, the morning was bright and sunny, and I was having a grand old time.

The next step was to add a second base square in, and then a third and fourth. I added in the second base and kept on flying through it. And then...I ran out of a white brick in the largest size.

Which is kind of impossible. Each of these sets has extras of all the bricks - quite a few, actually. So I searched through the white pile a couple extra times, and sat there and wondered what was going on. As you know, I have lots of spare bricks from the previous sets, so it would be easy enough to pull the right one out, but this shouldn't be happening.

So I was like, wait a minute. I looked back at the phone directions for the step I was on, and said, hold on, I don’t see the character 白 for white anywhere. Uh oh. I Google Translated the characters that were there and sure enough, 透明 meant transparent.

I had just been going off the colors on the phone screen, and I mean, come on! The bricks looked white! If you scroll up and look at it, don't you think so too?

Anyway.

So, I pulled off all the white bricks, and replaced them with transparent bricks, and hey, what do you know, I had plenty of them.

Alright, alright, so this happens when you don't speak the language. Never fear, I'm back on track!

Dear friends, I was not back on track.

Sometime in all this confusion, I had spun around my little base square around, so when I attached it to the other base squares, I started filling in the top bricks the wrong way around. Luckily, I realized what I was doing after a few steps in, and I didn't have to totally reassemble it like I did with the Not White But Transparent Brick Debacle of early 2024. I just gently disconnected the base squares from each other, turned them around, and kept going.

So! I finished the first layer 1 hour, 46 minutes in. This, of course, includes the one major mistake and the one minor mistake. It's pretty big, isn't it? The other fig sets only had max 2 base squares, so I was pretty excited to see how nice and big this was. The transparent bricks look nice, huh?

I took a bit of a break. Made a little bit of lunch, tidied up a bit, and then came back excited to tackle the next round.

I was paying attention to the names of the brick colors at this point, believe me.

I finished the next layer 2 hours and 54 minutes in. Pretty cool looking, isn't it? It looks like some kind of disk in an alien language. I must admit when I got here, I was both quite happy and also a little concerned. Only layer 2? Still 138 layers to go, and it's been about 3 hours?

Well, no big deal if it took me longer, really. I was having a good time, and there was no actual rush. I will say that at this point, my finger tips were certainly feeling the constant pressing and snapping of the bricks. They had actually toughened up back when I was doing set after set after set, but it had been some time, and my fingertips were back to their usual soft selves.

Luckily for my fingers, I had errands to run and other things to do, so my sore little fingertips got a needed break.

The next morning, I was up and back at it!

The third layer was starting to look like the actual base of the platform from the show. I was pretty excited to finish this layer, I have to say. I took little breaks here and there, but I was pretty determined to make some real progress.

By that evening, I had gotten pretty far. I stopped here at 6 hours and 3 minutes.

I was inordinately pleased by getting to this step. I could see the robes carefully spread out here, just like the show, and their hands out there. There was also a little bit of white where I was starting Lao Wen's new hair color.

You can tell the passage of time by how the light keeps changing in each of these pictures! I always end with the bricks for the step I'm on laid out in front of me, so I always know where I am when I pick the set back up. My memory is just too bad otherwise, I'll forget what I'm doing.

Well, 3-day holiday weekends don't last forever, so I woke up this morning determined to finish this. There was a little bit of race against the clock today, since I had appointments I had to take care of, and I needed to have enough light left to take final pictures. So, I sat down, and started going as fast as I could.

At 7 hours and 6 minutes, I had built up the bodies, and was on to the heads. I hurried through my afternoon errands and got back around 3:10 pm. The sun sets here around 4:20, so I didn't have much time. Tomorrow I get on a plane, so it really was up against the clock! I didn't even put my headphones on this time, I just sat down and focused.

But, it turns out that I didn't need that much time. 45 minutes later, I was done!

Total hours clocked in at 7 hours and 51 minutes. I will tell you, I was indeed flying through this set - all those other fig sets that I made mistakes on definitely helped me. I knew what I was doing, and I went fast. If this had been my first set, or even my second (ok, let's be real, even my third), it would 100% have taken me at least the full 10 hours. It also helped that other than Big Error 1 and Small Error 1, I didn't make any other mistakes.

You can see how many bricks are left (which is why I knew something was up when I ran out of that white brick earlier). I will say that not pre-sorting the bricks is definitely the way to go - it's pretty easy to pick out the right ones, and certainly saves a lot of time just organizing them into piles.

Alright! Let's do some beauty shots, shall we? As you know, the light wasn't super great, but it was good enough!

Oops, I see I need to press down a little on Lao Wen's head to get the bricks firmly squeezed together. I'll admit my aching fingertips were not pressing down super hard at this point!

I really love the 3-D effect of the icicles ringing the platform. This set is just fantastic!

It's a little hard to see A-Xu's luxurious mane of hair here with the black on black, but it's quite nice.

Lao Wen's closed eyes! Please also note the little white underlayer on his robes here at his neck. So cute.

This is a nice angle to see A-Xu's married hair bun (minus one hairpin, of course) and Lao Wen's loop of hair.

This angle is the coup de grâce of this whole set for me. For the longest time, I thought the single bricks was his eyes and the marks down his cheeks were tears, but in reality I think the larger bricks are his eyes, and the smaller bricks are his eyebrows going up in shock and horror. But all I can see are (non canonically accurate) tears free flowing down his cheeks!

I did waste several minutes at the point I was building this just contemplating his face, and I was THIS close to subbing in the light blue for to make tears after all, because (sorry A-Xu) I find it delightfully hilarious. Little Lego tears! I can't even. But, I decided to go with the actual design for this so you could see it (and go back and replace them afterwards).

Ahem. Anyway. This is also a beautiful shot to see Lao Wen's long white hair draping over his shoulders.

More of the snow and icicles all the way around. It looks great.

Seriously, don't you think they look like tears? Right, anyway. This actually isn't a bad angle to admire the modeling on the clothing.

And we're back around. The modeling really is beautiful on this, with their robes carefully spread out behind them and to the sides of them.

Time for some closeups:

Aww, Lao Wen.

Aww, A-Xu, honey.

The bottoms-up angle was really hard to get on this set, since the base was so large.

The top down angle looks great I think. This is actually the first time that I'm noticing they have the scroll underneath them.

Honestly, I'm so impressed with this set. With only 9 colors, and some very basic building block shapes, they did a gorgeous job rendering this scene.

With my last picture, in the last of my fading light, here's my two sets of armory figs re-enacting this scene. The closest set is actually from the New Year's set of of 6 that Qilin helped me buy back in the day, so this really is full circle!

I couldn't quite get my camera to focus on both sets, but you can see the relative size difference at least. It's a big set!

Alright, these are the last of these sets for a while - there's two more sets of two single figures each, but I have not been able to locate them on Xianyu either. I'm ok with it though - this is the last of the big scene sets, and one I really, really wanted. The others are nice but not quite as special as the sets.

Thanks for the figthusiasts friends that have accompanied me on these building block fig posts! They're all quite long, so I appreciate you reading all my thoughts and experiences with these. I absolutely love them - they were a ton of fun, and I only wish I had more! I'd love to enact out the entire series with building block scenes - can you imagine?

Material: Plastic building blocks

Fig Count: 520

Scene Count: 37

Rating: Pure love

[link to the Master Post Index]

[arijensineink]

ari jensine ink 2022 writing wrapped

2022 was by far my weirdest year for writing. 

Honestly, this is less of a “wrapped” post and more like a reflection of what I began to build and rebuild this year, as well as what I did not give up on.

The Wolfena

Putting this manuscript aside for 2 years while I focused on healing my body was the hardest decision I ever had to make. The Wolfena is my heart-story, and the characters in it give me strength, so reaching a place where I couldn’t work on it... wasn’t heartbreaking it almost destroyed me. Tbh if I hadn't found BTS when I did, I'm not sure I would be here.

But this year I was able to pick The Wolfena (and myself) back up. I had a goal for NaNo to rewrite all of Jimian’s chapters, but didn’t accomplish that because I got so focused on my blog/website. Even so, I’m really excited for where the manuscript is headed, and this is going to be a clean rewrite/edit with all sensitivity reader and alpha reader feedback already applied.

What matters most is that I’m organized, and the moment I want to hop back on that WIP it’s ready to go.

Rotten Candy/The Candy King

I started developing these stories both within the last 6 months so they’re super fresh, but I’m somehow proud of what I accomplished in terms of brainstorming and rough drafting for this world though it's minimal. 

Rotten Candy will be the main novel and I have a three characters for it—Cherry, Seujinne, and Mezereon—who I think have huge potential. I'm still working on developing them.

The Candy King is an Ateez (K-Pop) fic I’ll rewrite into original fic and man… I have to say. I think it’s actually something. I haven’t felt so inspired on a rough draft since I started writing again, and I didn’t even realize it was the perfect prequel to Rotten Candy until I was already writing it. A couple of my favorite lines from Captain Hongjoong:

"Feed him to the squids!"

"We need some fuckin' horses."

Fighting For Writing Blog/Medium

Truthfully, my biggest writing accomplishments this year had little to do with fiction. My experience as an SEO Ghostwriter isn’t exactly glamorous, but the tools it provided for me to launch my website and blog were invaluable. 

I set up a project for my blog to write 10 articles based on how to maintain your writing practice and integrate it more deeply into your life, and I accomplished that. I’m in the process of revising those articles right now, and I am beyond proud of them and excited to share them with the amazing writing community I’ve rebuilt around myself in 2022. 

On top of that, I reactivated my Medium account and have been publishing consistently on there. This is just… such a huge accomplishment for me. Again, it might seem small to others, but it means a lot to me. I remember looking at that account a few years ago and thinking “100 followers to the Partner Program? Puh. I'll never be able to do that.”

Now I’m at 142 followers on Medium and counting, and am approaching my first dollar of revenue made from people reading my articles.

2022 - Year of the Phoenix

2022 was all about rebirth for me and my writing. In a lot of ways I felt like I was starting from square one. I have to say, it means a lot to me that others in my Discord server are also working on getting back into writing regularly.

I realized this year that I have no one to place a silver spoon in my mouth, so it’s up to me to polish all the metal in my life until it’s glowing. I got paid to write, I picked my big projects back up, I reconnected with my writing community and made tons of new amazing writer friends, started a blog I’m deeply passionate about, won NaNoWriMo, and submitted my first short story to a pub in 4 years. 

I often refer to writing as my Ikigai, but only now that I’ve committed to it in all facets of life do I truly understand what that means. Some nights I literally can’t sleep because I’m just so excited to work on my book or blog. 

I don’t know what more I could ask for on my way into 2023. 

[transhawks]

😈☀️👻

😈 - Favorite villain? It changes a lot. But Twice. I want to say I really adore Twice as a character.

☀️ - Favorite AU? I think I am very into time-travel fix it canon divergences. But also fantasy AUs.

👻 - Least favorite thing about BNHA? Wow let's unpack this.

I've had a few unanswered asks in my inbox that like speak to this but there is a lot of flaws in some of the writing and I think it's a lot of...Horikoshi discarding or not knowing what to do with certain elements. In a lot of ways he hints at themes and big revelations with them but then takes a step back, doesn't further push it.

The ask, and I'll publish it, kind of sums this up as "lukewarm social commentary" and I really agree with this. Accounting for editor interference and SJ's standards, it often feels like we are not getting a strong a manga as we should be. And I do think Hori has changed his mind on several elements too that bolster this.

I also am very disappointed in Midoriya's growth overall. I've voiced this several times but him being a reactive and not proactive character has harmed him a lot. I feel like there was so many missed opportunities for growth around the Overhaul arc where the focus was quirk strength and not his personal maturity, which we kind only get now on the end. He also doesn't reflect on things for such a reactive character. Where is the squaring with the fact the hero society he knows only exists because the government has been killing any dissenters? Where does he think about how he used to be quirkless and what that means in society especially post Aoyama or honestly after facing a villain obsessed with eradicating quirks? Why were we denied a contemplative Izuku? When he has so much potential as a protagonist? Clearly, I like him enough as a character to be affronted.

I am sure this will come up in the end, but it's really the worst part of BNHA. I wanted more development of Izuku, and I think I gravitated towards the villains instead because they were showing that growth when he wasn't. I hope the end makes up for it.

[cashappshelp]

Unlock Cash App Account | Reopen Closed Cash App Account

There are many cache app users about whom I have complained that the cash app has closed my account without any reason and thus I have decided to prepare this detailed guide so that they can reactivate their account and Unlock.

So Now We Start On How to Reopen Cash App Account…

The Cash App is a well-known mobile payment service among users in the USA and the UK. It is developed by Square, Inc. and released in October 2013.

You can use Square's Cash App card almost everywhere, accepting Visa, American Express, MasterCard and Discover debit or credit cards.

In addition, most government enabled cards are also supported by the Cash app, but depositing money with these cards is still not available.

Also, you cannot send money to ATM cards, PayPal and business debit cards using cash cards.

Reopen a closed account Cash App Account

If you can no longer access your old email address or phone number passcode, then follow these steps to reopen your closed app Cash account.

1. Open the Cash app and create a new account.

2. Click on the profile icon on your home screen.

3. Left support

4. Pick something

5. Then select "Cannot access account".

6. Click Support.

How to unlock Cash App account? Follow the steps

The first thing you need to do is log into your Cash app account.

Once you are logged into your account, choose the profile icon which is on the right top corner of the Cash app.

Next, you have to scroll to the bottom menu and select the support option.

In addition, you should contact support about your closed Cash App account.

This way, you will get an email stating the estimated time it will take to reopen your Cash App account.

Also, once the verification is done, between 24 and 48 hours, your Cash app will unlock and you will be able to use your Cash app account without any flaws.

One thing you should keep in mind is that identity verification is necessary without identity verification, you cannot access your Cash app account.

Above all, you can connect with customer service over a phone call when the above steps are not locked with money for your Cash App account. Therefore, you only need to dial the number, and also, when any suspicious activity occurs through your Cash App account, the support team can block your account.

Tags: - how to unlock cash app account | unlock cash app account | How to reopen my closed Cash App account

[cash-app-account-closed1]

How to reopen my closed cash app account [Steps to Follow]

If your Cash App account has accidentally closed, then you can reopen it by contacting the customer support team of Square’s Cash App. If your account ever appears to be blocked or closed and even after trying to login via a new device if it doesn’t seem to be working, then you can reach out to the customer support team. 

Why did cash app close my account | Cash App Closed My Account

Another thing that you can try out is creating a new account on Cash App if you are no longer able to access your older account in any way. This way you can reach the customer support team through the app. 

Here are the steps for the same:

Go to the Cash App website and create a new account quickly.

Press the profile icon located on the Home Screen of the app.

Then, you can click the Support icon on the left.

Further, choose the Something Else option.

Then, choose “Can’t Access Account” and finally tap the Contact Support option.

Email Support – https://cash.app/international or https://cash.app/help

Website – https://cash.app/

Mailing Address – Cash App, 1455 Market Street Suite 600, San Francisco, CA – 94103

How to get unbanned from Cash App?

Getting unbanned from Cash Ap is only possible if your account has been locked or cash app account is closed by Cash App for unknown reasons. However, if the banning has happened due to fraudulent activities from your account or if it has been found that the account has been started with fake information, then the banning cannot be undone. 

Here’s how you can reverse the banning:

Go to the Cash App and sign in with your registered phone number or email id.

You will receive an OTP or sign-in code on your phone number or email id, whichever is provided by you for sign-in.

You need to enter the code and then hit the sign-in button.

If this doesn’t work out, then you can connect with a Cash App representative to unlock the account.

How do I withdraw money from my closed Cash App account?

You can cash out the amount from your Cash App account to your linked bank account or debit card.

You can go to the Cash App Home Screen and then tap the Cash Out option.

You need to further choose the Cash Out speed and then confirm your PIN.

Your funds will be reversed to your account within 1 to 3 days.

Cash App closed my account due to a violation {solution}

FAQs:

How do I access my closed Cash App account?

You can go to the profile section of the newly created account and click on the Support option. You can then choose the Something Else option and finally, the Can’t Access Account. Here you can find the Contact Support option.

What happens when you close your Cash App account?

You can no longer use your Cash App account and you will have to cash out the left-over money in your Cash App account.

Can I reopen a closed Cash App account?

Yes, you can by contacting the customer support team.

What does it mean when Cash App close your account?

After closing your account, you will not be able to send or receive money to others via cash or the account app. The cash card will stop working. In addition, all your bank and payment information is still in the cash register database.

How do I reactivate my Cash App account?

Access Old Account

Tap the profile icon on your Cash App home screen.

Tap Sign Out.

Then enter the phone number or email associated with the account you wish to access.

Follow the prompts.

[originofjaehyun]

Interlude: No More Drama | Part 11 | Not Alone

Interlude: No More Drama Masterlist

Word count: 5,432

Warnings: Graphic description of violence, mentions of rape, language

Part 11 | Not Alone

“One step, one step, one step each. Closer, closer, closer to the place that appeared in my dream that looks like me, can you feel not alone?”

Prev • Next

The laughter and the applause in the room are quickly replaced by whispers between each other. They are clearly baffled with the turn of the event, trying to solve the puzzle.

“What is the meaning of this?!” While he still talks in a somewhat calm manner, the way his eyes stutter tell Jaehyun that he is anything but calm.

The officers in uniform reached to where they are standing, each proceeds to hold the arms of Mr. Jeong’s and Kyungmi’s. As expected, at least one of them goes berserk.

“Don’t touch me!” Kyungmi swatted the officer’s hand, refused to be taken away, “Jaehyun, tell them who I am! They don’t have the right to do this!”

“Oh, but they do.” Jaehyun talks calmly. A side of him that you know –when he locked on his prey and he knows the percentage of his success is almost absolute.

“Jeong Jaehyun, you don’t want to do this.” His father warned him, and for the first time that night, he whispered instead of speaking proudly, possibly so that the mic wouldn’t catch his words. “Don’t mess around.”

He took a glance at his father and his so-called fiancée that he never acknowledges. He gave a nod to the officers, cueing them to proceed with the arrest.

Before any of them could make a scene, Jaehyun took the mic again, “Ladies and gentlemen, I’m terribly sorry for the commotion.” He didn’t even bother about the ruckus behind him, “I understand that today was supposed to be a celebration of our new launch, but I’d like to use this opportunity to address a few things, and why it is important to announce it right here, right now.”

His eyes are now directed to your table, where he mainly locks his gaze to yours, “Also, I’d like to apologize to the involved team, especially to Mr. Seo and also Ms. [Y/L/N] as the person in charge of this project. Really, I do regret that I need to steal the star of the show.”

The way he calls you flinches you. Not only does it causes the whole hall to look at your direction, but also it feels extremely strange for Jaehyun to address you that way. It’s foreign, so foreign.

“Objections!” Frustrated that his own flesh and blood did not obey him, you can tell that he starts to lose his composure, “Jaehyun, what are you doing?! You’re clearly not thinking straight. You exposing me means you exposing yourself.”

Jaehyun just stands there, giving his father a disdainful look.

Obviously you can hear a bit of their words from the microphone, but not enough for you to grasp the full picture as the stage was quite far. Everyone seems perplexed and share the same sentiment with you, except for Johnny.

“Johnny,” Noticing that it is very strange for him to be this calm, you called him in hope you could get an answer, “What is going on? Do you know anything?”

Smirk appears at one corner of his lips, “Just wait and see.”

“Mr. Jeong,” Jaehyun said, purposefully talking in front of the mic so that the whole hall could hear him loud and clear. There’s a hint of contempt in the way Jaehyun called his father. 

He no longer addresses him as his own.

“Before you could object to anything, I’d think it would only be fair for our valuable guests to know where I’m coming from.”

“Don’t you dare…!” He tried to threaten Jaehyun, but at the same time he was being careful not to taunt him too much. He didn’t want to lose his pride, even so, there was a trail of fear in his tone.

“Oh, I do, sir,” Jaehyun said, ice cold. “Taeil, would you please.”

“Guards!” His father tried to intercept, calling his own men.

However they never arrived. The imperious man finally lost his presence of mind, looking around, puzzled. On the other hand, the strikingly handsome person who is stationed at the FOH immediately granted Jaehyun’s command.

“So, your father, how is he?”

The screen at the stage displayed an audio-only footage. And even without the picture, it is no brainer to figure out who is the owner of the voice.

“You know, it’s the same old, Jaehyun.” The other counterpart owns a fairly high-pitched voice, and it was no other than Kyungmi’s. “Thank God your dad is well connected to Chief Jang! If not it will be over for us.”

“Chief Jang?” 

“Yes, him! Daddy was telling me he was involved in poker scam when all he did was to invite that stupid rich guy from Sri Lanka!”

“Ms. Hyun, if I were you I wouldn’t say such information in a public place like this.” That is when you realized the audio was mixed with rustles, including a few sounds of people’s laughter in the background.

“Oh, Jaehyun, you’re so square!” Kyungmi squealed, borderline annoying, “We’re going to be husband and wife soon anyway. Also, I know your father would take care of it if things go bad, so it’s toots fine!”

“So yeah, I was saying,” She totally dismissed Jaehyun’s warning, “Daddy’s worst habit is he never checks on his client’s background. Who would’ve thought he was a criminal, a mafia or some sort!”

“Well that’s a surprise,” The clinking sound of cutleries being put down –presumably fork and knife– leaks in the audio, “I mean, knowing our backgrounds, Ms. Hyun, I thought your father would take extra precautions.”

“I know right! But I think daddy felt safe because we’re about to get married. Nobody messes around with your father, Jaehyun, we all know that. In any case, the seven hundred million that daddy gets from him will also be split to your father’s bank account too.”

The whole audience gasps.

“Nonsense!” His father tries to escape the officer’s grip. “Jaehyun, I command you to stop! This is ridiculous!”

“Jaehyun! You recorded our conversation?!” Kyungmi also protests.

“What are you doing, son?!” His father used all of his strength to move closer to where Jaehyun is, suit all wrinkled from trying to escape the officers’ grip. “Don’t you realize the consequences we’ll have to deal with once all of these leaks out?!”

“Everyone!” She pleaded, “This is all fabricated! My father and I are people of honor! We, The Hyuns, would never do such things!”

“Fabricated?” Jaehyun stared at the two people who looked awry in front of him. 

That is when they know they just landed on the minefield.

Jaehyun scoffed, mockingly, “Initially don’t want to show this because the footage is not very pleasing. Believe me, if only the two of them would admit the truth, I wouldn’t.” He speaks to the audience, dismissing the protests behind.

“For the record,” He continues, “I would like to warn everyone that what I’m about to show you is containing graphic content and might be upsetting to watch. So if you are sensitive to the subject, I advise you to not look, but this is needed to unfold the truth.”

Jaehyun gives Taeil a nod, permitting him to play the infamous clip.

Suddenly the screen plays a motion image of a corridor. By the setup, you’re guessing the location was in the corridor of a luxury hotel. A penthouse, probably.

“Ready, Chicago?”

“Whenever you are, Winnie.”

The unfamiliar voice called for the unfamiliar name, but after spending so much time meeting with him, you know that the voice belongs the man who’s sitting next to you. You seem to be the only one who realized this, as you are the only one who shift your gaze to him who casually watching the footage while crossing his legs.

At the cue, they forcefully enter the room, at the sight of middle-aged men in the middle of intercourse, where a lone woman is unconscious. There are no subtitles available, but it is evidently clear that she was drugged. One of the men who was in the middle of recording the lovemaking panicked. He tried to escape but unfortunately for him the person who wore the camera got him. Johnny, on the other hand swiftly took care of the man who was raping the lady.

“Do we got them all?” Johnny checks.

“We do,” Another man appears on the frame. He was wearing a uniform so you couldn’t tell who it was.

“Good.” The cameraman applauds them for their swift and clean job. “Teddy, help Winnie tying them up. I got business to ask this guy.”

“Roger that, Casper,” The person with code name Teddy exclaims, before the camera pans to a disgusting figure of the rotten old man. Not only you were horrified with the fact that the footage wasn’t censored, but you were also shocked by the fact that you know there could be only one who possessed the low velvety voice like the cameraman’s – no other than Jeong Jaehyun himself.

“Chief Jang,” He approached the man in question, filming the man’s then-horny face. “Look what we got, a prestigious man gang-banged an immobilized woman. What would the society say?”

“Don’t!” The man asked for mercy. “Please, I’ll do anything! Don’t let people know!”

He whimpers, but Jaehyun shows no sign of backing off, “Anything?”

“Yes, yes! Anything! What do you want? Money? Gold? Oh, I can give you women, too!”

Johnny clearly was not satisfied with his answer. He almost lost his temper at the way this man looked down on women, he reactively choked the man out of anger.

“Easy,” Jaehyun commands, “Now listen you piece of shit,” Jaehyun squatted so he can be on the same eye-level as the man. He pulls his hair so he could get a clearer shot of his face, which in return gains a shrieking yelp from the man.

“Tell me, where did you get all of these accesses?”

The man writhed in pain but refused to speak a single word.

“Chicago,”

Johnny slammed the man’s head to the end of the bed, causing him to scream in pain, and blood started to ooze from his head. The audience screamed at the sudden violence. Some even took a napkin and rushed to the nearby toilet, feeling nauseated.

“Talk,” He pulls the man’s head once more, revealing his ugly sobs that are mixed with blood. “You don’t want to mess around with our friend here,” He gestured to Johnny, “He’s a man of brute strength.”

“I’ll talk! I’ll talk!” It’s almost disgusting how he easily gives in. “It’s Wonshik Hyun! He told me if I could let him out of his gambling cases, he would exchange it with these!”

“Wonshik Hyun?”

“The founder of Hyun Ventures!” He choked, almost out of breath due to the pain. However when he looked at Jaehyun’s glare, he was instantly intimidated, “He is addicted to gambling, and it is thanks to his partner, the founder of NCT Corporation he’s able to walk away!”

“You’re from fucking law enforcement, Chief Jang.” Jaehyun scowled, sickened by the way he acted, “At the highest ranking for fuck’s sake, yet here you are.”

“I’m sorry!” He cries, “I was about to investigate it but I just can’t stop.”

Jaehyun clicked his tongue in disbelief.

“Please let me go! Don’t tell anyone about this! I have a family back home.” He sobs, asking for their pity.

“My son, yes, my son!” His pathetic face quickly turned bright, as if he just found a way out. “He’s about to enter college! My child, he aims to enter law school this year, surely you don’t want to ruin his future?!”

A fist landed on his cheek, snapping his nose into a grotesquerie. He didn’t stop with just a punch, not until Johnny held him back.

“Enough, Casper. He won’t be able to speak.”

“Fucking bastard.” Barely holding his anger, you never know Jaehyun is capable of releasing such wrath. “We are the one who’s gonna ruin his future? Look at yourself you filthy fuck–”

The video stops, and the crowd quickly starts to murmur. They closed their mouths at the sudden revelation, and it’s obvious that they’re giving displeased looks to Jaehyun’s father.

“How…”

Cat got his tongue. He can’t say anything when the evidence is crystal clear.

“Sir,” Jaehyun answers confidently, “You, introducing me to Ms. Hyun is exactly the key that I needed to unfold the truth. That part I have to thank you.”

“Jaehyun, you used me?! How could you, I’m your fiancée!”

The crowds let out a loud gasp before Jaehyun calmly handles the situation, “Fiancée? Did I ever say yes to the engagement? You’re the one who’s acting on your own. Our meetings are always arranged by my father, telling me I should get close to you. But I’m glad I can turn our dinners to gain the information I needed, Ms. Hyun”

His statements made Kyungmi lost all the strength on his legs. She couldn’t accept if this is her fate so she continues to freak out, “How dare you, Jaehyun! I loved you, and I thought what we share was real!”

If a gaze could cut, Kyungmi would be in pieces right now. Jaehyun’s stare was sharp, and cold, causing her to flinch. “How could I love you when I don’t even have your number, Ms. Hyun? I know nothing of you, except the fact that you own a loose mouth.”

You can start to listen to the people behind you talking to each other.

“She’s his fiancée?”

“What kind of fiancée that doesn’t have each other’s number? What a crazy woman!”

“She’s just delusional, Jeong Jaehyun probably just talked to her once and she thinks he’s her!”

“Ms. Hyun,” Jaehyun continues to speak, this time looking directly at her, still standing near the mic. “I’d like to thank you for giving me the most crucial information regarding…” He hesitates but decides to proceed. “This father of mine. But I’d like to tell you and,” He looks forward to the guests. “To everyone who attends.”

“There’s only one woman in my life that was able to change my heartless soul. She’s the one that I will always treasure. I never know my heart is capable of beating the way it beats when she’s around me. Her views, her visions. She’s different from any other woman I knew. She’s a fighter, a firecracker, in fact. And that is why I love her. She’s the one who introduces me that there is always hope.”

“Because of this,” He looked back at the two people, scornfully, “I was unable to keep her. But like a ray of sunshine after rain, I hope tomorrow, or the day after, or even after it passes seventy years.” He took a quick glance at you, before directing it back upfront. “I hope it could bring her.”

You bring both of your hands in front of your hand, not expecting his sudden confession. You swore you’re not a crybaby, but the last few minutes are probably the most information you have to take in a short period of time and it’s understandable that you’re unable to keep your emotion in check.

Your heart is about to jump out of your chest, heart racing from his words. Tears welled up, but you’re not a fighter –like what Jaehyun mentioned, if you didn’t try to fight your own tears.

“Fool!” Finally snaps, his father uses every bit of his strength to escape from the hands that are holding him. “You just expose our family, Jaehyun! Do you think you can escape this?! Or your filthy ungrateful brother?!” He said, grabbing his son’s suit. Jaehyun, who’s clearly on the upper hand in term of strength, easily broke free from his grip.

“Don’t act like we’re your own,” Jaehyun grunts, “I’ve not used a single penny you gave to me. You can check my bank account where you always transfer my money. The amount is exactly whatever you gave to me in years.”

His face slowly lost its vibrance, “And don’t act as you care about Mark,” Jaehyun looks at Mark’s direction, nodding at him to make him feel secured. “I did this for our family, when you failed to do so. I bet all of my net worth that you don’t even know that Mark has been working part-time for his own spendings. Also, from this day onwards all of his necessities will go through me as I will be his guardian.”

Mark’s jaw drops, he could not believe the turn of the events –of his rotten father finally meeting his doom.

You thought by now his father would turn himself, but you were wrong. Instead, he started to laugh hysterically.

“Heh, do you think it will be easy, boy?” His father snickers, as if he lost his sanity. “Wait until I talk to my lawyer. Do you think my men would stop? You just took one person, son. That is barely enough to take me down.”

“Oh?” Jaehyun raised one brow upwards, “Three months ago when you first introduced Ms. Hyun at Seo’s office, we’re already more than halfway in on our operation.”

“Not only I was involved, but I am connected to your people too. I hope you haven’t turned insane to not remember that you do planned on making me the next heir.” He said, unfazed.

“Most of your powerful men are now waiting for their trials. You’ll be the next in line. You’ll have the right to consult with a lawyer prior to any further questioning at your own expense. Though, your personal lawyer, Mr. Yang would not be able to attend due to the fact he receives money from illegal transactions.”

“You son of a bitch!” Jaehyun’s father finally lost it, about to throw his fist to Jaehyun. Him, being well-trained in combat, is able to tackle it easily, twisting his father’s arm.

“Bitch? Who are you referring to, my deceased mother?” He looked low at his father, who’s writhing in pain. “Let’s finish this in the court. Though, I’m positive you’ll end behind the bars for the rest of your life. Then, go and think twice before you call my mother that way.”

He pushed his father away and the officers quickly grab him. With Jaehyun’s commands, they finally take both Mr. Jeong and Kyungmi away.

“Sorry for the scene,” He runs his hand through his hair, fixing it before he greets the audience, “There will be another separate session for the press release regarding this. So for tonight, do enjoy the food and the champagnes. I was told the canapés are marvelous.”

He then goes down the stage, to where Mark is. Mark practically runs to his older brother, asking for a further explanation about the whole situation. Same goes with the rest of the people. As expected, the crowds start to swarm around both of them.

“I guess nobody is interested in the canapés, huh?” Johnny said, finally turning his body to where the rest of you are.

“Duh. But before that,” You lean forward so you’re closer to Johnny, “You are a fucking secret agent? What the heck is going on! How could I not know?!”

“Language, [Y/N]. And if you do know then I’m doing a lame job as a secret agent, no?” He chuckles, rightfully earned your tiny punches.

“I thought you invited me for your project launching party, [Y/N].” Yuta finally spoke, after every single one of you on your table was silenced due to the drama that happened on the stage. “You never told me that… we’re going to watch a soap opera.”

“Believe me, Yuta,” You rolled your eyes, “How could I know?”

You guys were busy discussing what just happened, and then suddenly you sensed that flocks of people were coming to your direction.

You turned your head to find the fine man in white suit was the one who brought the crowd to you.

“[Y/N],” He says softly.

“Jaehyun,” You reactively rose from your seat, but quickly hesitated. Jaehyun did declare his love to you. Sure, he never mentioned your name but that doesn’t change the fact that the first woman he approached was you –and you know how much people quickly jump into the conclusion. The last thing you want is to gain people’s attention by being together with him.

“Johnny,” As if he could read your mind, he quickly glanced at Johnny’s direction, which Johnny replied with a single nod.

“Alright, everyone,” Johnny stands up, fixing his suit. “Donghyuck, let’s guide them to the VIP room.”

Without any further explanation, Donghyuck escorts both you and Yuta to the designated room. The journey there was tedious, you couldn’t imagine how Jaehyun could even walk to you with the crowd constantly barging him with questions. 

“Mr. Jeong! What makes you do this?”

“Is it out of revenge, Jaehyun?”

“Our transaction with NCT Corporation is legal, right?”

The crowd was more persistent than what Jaehyun thought. They keep pushing, demanding for an answer while Jaehyun kept his mouth shut. As the result, they squeezed you. Of course, Jaehyun would stay by your side in a heartbeat if he could, but there’s a line that he couldn’t cross –Yuta trying his best to protect you next by your side. But there’s so much that Yuta can do, fighting the rest of the hall by himself.

“Sicheng,”

Jaehyun uses his eyes to point in your direction, and a person named Sicheng who was stationed nearby quickly guards you. It becomes more bearable, since he granted you with enough space to walk, especially when you’re wearing an evening gown.

When they almost reach the end of the hall, more bodyguards are stationed, letting you and the rest of the group in while they hold the crowd who are still curious.

“Alright,” Johnny closes the door, now that everybody is inside the room. “So, how should we start, Jae?”

Now all eyes are on Jaehyun, including yours. But Jaehyun only fixes his gaze to yours.

He was drained. He might win this, but that was after he pulls every of his ace cards. All he wanted was to hold you, and for you to pat him on his head and thank him for his effort. 

But he can’t, not when Yuta is crossing his arms in front of his chest, waiting for an explanation. Yuta might not be directly involved, but now that he knows, he won’t accept a cliffhanger.

“Uhm, so where should I start…”

In contrast to his excellent stage presence, he is now stuttering, clearly awkward after engaging in eye contact with you. You are equally as nervous, fidgeting on your own fingers.

Yuta seems to notice the tension, breaking the awkward atmosphere, “I think you guys should talk.”

Everyone is in shock with his statement. Clearly giving him a ‘you just let your lover talk with her ex, though?’ kind of look. Yuta, on the other hand, finds his action to be very logical.

“I think you owe [Y/N] plenty of explanation, man. Probably something that’s only between you guys.”

You give him a look, asking him once more whether he’s sure with his decision. He gives you a gentle nod. “Just make sure you’re back for me.”

As much as Jaehyun is thankful to Yuta for giving his permission to talk to you, it doesn’t change the fact that his last sentence stings. The fact that Jaehyun is no longer the owner of your heart makes his heart feels heavy. 

Eventually you and Jaehyun agree to his suggestion, making your way to the room next door.

“I, uhm,” He scratched his head.

“Since when, Jae?” You asked first, giving him the hint where he should start.

“Well, let’s sit down first.”

He then proceeds by telling you that it started after he met Johnny again. They were teammates back in high school but turned out the friendship actually didn’t start there. Johnny entered NCT Corp. due to the fact he was the agent that was stationed there, for a mission that was obvious; arresting the head of Jeong.

He approaches Jaehyun, but Jaehyun outsmarts him to figure out his identity. Johnny thought he failed his mission, with his target’s son finding out who he was, but what a twist of an event it was for Jaehyun to actually offer his hand to help.

“So you were living this life even when we were together?”

“[Y/N]...” He gently speaks, as if he was afraid to break a heart that is so dear to him, “It was never my intention to put you in danger. It was a miscalculation on my side to fall for you that night.”

“Miscalculation?” You emphasized his choice of word, ready to snap at him.

“The best mistake I’ve ever made.”

Your cheeks start to turn pink at his remark, makes you forcefully break the eye contact.

“Uhm,” You awkwardly converse back to him, “No wonder you always came home late. You were rarely at home before midnight.”

“Aren’t you pushing yourself?”

You were about to tug one of his wild strands of hair, before you back off and remembered that he’s no longer yours.

He lets out a disappointed smile.

“I met you and I was already in the middle of my mission.”

“Yet you’re still asking me out?”

“I wish I could blame it on the alcohol that night, but I know they just unleashed my deepest desire. I couldn’t forget you ever since that night where we met at the bar. Ever since we made the first eye contact.”

“But you’re keeping secrets from me, Jaehyun. And not just any secret, you being a COO is already a big step that I have to take. Then suddenly you are the next heir of an underground business, and the next thing I know you’re also a secret agent! I was living a pretty normal life, Jaehyun, then you suddenly came into the picture. How do you expect a person like me, dating a powerful man like you?”

“It’s just the consequences that I have to take eventually.”

“You could’ve just told me properly, you know, as a warning.”

His voice was saturated with regret, “I know it’s wrong, but I swear I would never purposely put you in danger. The reason why I didn’t tell you all of these was because the egoistic part of me didn’t want you to leave me out of fear. I was overly confident that I could overtake my father in no time. I thought I could keep it hidden and live my life peacefully with you, but I didn’t expect him to... meet you.”

Part of you felt guilty at the way he mentioned how you would leave when you discover the truth. On how accurate his predictions were.

“It’s just…”  He sighs, “I was this close, [Y/N]. Of course, Hyun Kyungmi was an opening I never knew would come, but even so I was confident I could arrest him on my own. And I have to do this. For Mark, and for my future, our future.”

The sentence ended with a pregnant pause, both of you unsure how the conversation should continue.

Was it always this awkward with Jaehyun?

“So…” He finally breaks the silence, “Yuta, I think he’s a great guy.”

Your eyes quiver at the way Jaehyun speaks Yuta’s name. 

“He is, Jaehyun.” You carefully replied, “Though his jokes are borderline rude, it’s just his way to show his affection.”

Jaehyun dryly laughs, “He’s different from me, doesn’t he?”

His words stop you from going, prolonging the pause.

“But I’m glad he’s able to make you laugh like that.”

You saw how his gaze turns soft. It’s been forever since Jaehyun got a chance to look at you, and only you. It’s been a while he could have all of you for himself, for you guys talk in private like this.

He was intoxicated, in you. And he let you slipped away. He finally reached his goal, but he didn’t receive his prize.

“I miss you, [Y/N].”

You pressed your lips together. Air of melancholy filled the way you look at him.

“Jaehyun, I-”

“I know, I know. Just… let me get this out of my chest.”

He took a deep breath in, “Please let me this one go,”

He hugs you, and it feels like years since the last time you’ve felt Jaehyun’s warmth. 

There was a momentary pause before you could react.

Is this okay?

Is this fair, for you, Jaehyun, most importantly, for Yuta?

But how could something that feels so right be so wrong?

So you hug his broad shoulder back, pulling him closer to you. Indulging his embrace that’s been missing from you.

“You know, I always thought by hiding it from you means I can have my own haven. Living a triple life is can be quite chaotic.”

You laughed, “I could imagine.”

He scoffed warmly, “I have to wear three different masks in each settings, and there are times where I feel like I could break into pieces.”

“But then I met you,” He carefully caressed your hair, making sure he didn’t ruin your hairstyle for the night. “Every time I woke up next to you, I just knew what I’ve been missing in my life. How our mind connected, the sound of your laughter, and the way you teach me how to love, and the way you loved me back.”

Jaehyun always feels perfect, but he is a human too. You can feel he’s trembling, fighting the waves of emotion, “For once, I could be just myself when I’m with you. Not COO Jaehyun, or the next heir for some underground business, nor a secret agent. I can just be just Jaehyun, and it was liberating.”

His words hit you hard. You never knew how much weight he has on his shoulder, and how he hold everything on his own. You never knew that Jaehyun leaned on you that much.

It’s not fair for him to tell him all of this now. Not when you thought you can live your life without him.

“The next morning after you left, I thought I just had a nightmare.” He continues, “That night was probably the longest night I ever experienced. I fell asleep, drunk. When I woke up and I couldn’t find you next to me, I thought you were in the kitchen. You always said you wanted to make me breakfast.

Jaehyun took another breath in, “Yet the only sight I saw was the mess from the night before and everything finally became a reality for me.”

He lets you go, to see that you’re about to cry. He forcefully smiles, trying his best not to show the already apparent sadness.

“Don’t cry. You’re kind, that’s why you pitied me.”

No, that’s not it, Jaehyun.

You wonder why it is so hard for you to tell him so, but words just won’t come out.

“I realized that I meet someone and we sometimes drift apart. Sometimes it seems to be too much and too vague, so I get anxious over it. Even so, the world moves on, and so are you.”

Are you?

“I’m happy that Yuta’s able to make you smile. Something that I took away from you that night. I’m sorry for hiding things from you, but please know everything that we shared, our relationship, is real. Probably the most genuine feelings that I ever felt.”

You took one of your fingers to wipe the corners of your eyes, preventing the tears to ruin your makeup.

“Jaehyun, please don’t be so hard on yourself. Now that I know every reason behind it, it would be stupid of me not to forgive you.”

He nods, and there goes another silence.

Are you OK leaving things this way? How could you figure out your heart when your mind is filled with numerous tangled threads?

Suddenly the room next to you became so loud, surprising both you and Jaehyun. 

“Looks like he’s here,” Jaehyun stares at the wall, seeming to know the reason behind the fuss.

“Let’s go?” He offers his hand, shocked with his own action.

“Sorry,” He quickly shoved his hand to his pants pocket. “Old habits die hard.”

Oh, Jaehyun.

That, you too know very well.

Both of you walked to the first room to see Taeyong who’s busy crying while Mark continuously patted him, telling him to stop.

“There’s no way I could not cry, dumbass!” Taeyong pouts, receiving tissue from Johnny, “You’re finally free, Mark.”

A/N: Can you believe next week we’re going to have our last chapter? :o

So quick question, are you team Jaehyun or team Yuta? lol

[tale-wind]

"This is your only chance," Bautista said, his lightsaber still hanging on his belt. "Turn yourself in and face your crimes."

Master Duarte, senior member of the Jedi Council, smiled serenely at him. And lightning sprang from her fingertips.

Nazeri launched himself at Duarte with a snarl as Bautista fell, his yellow blades spinning out in a flash, but with the barest flick of her hand she flung him into the Council chamber's wall. She idly watched the lightning coursing from her other hand into Bautista's body a few moments longer, then broke the assault off. Smoke curled off of him.

"Will that be all?" she asked, still smiling. And she looked past the two felled Knights to the third behind them.

Bran clenched his jaw. He held his lightsaber's hilt in his shaking hand. He steeled himself, and pulled Bautista's lightsaber into the other, and ignited the blue-white blade alongside his green.

Duarte sighed. "Oh, my Bran," she said sadly. "I'd hoped you would choose differently." And her white blade snapped into being.

Bran lashed out with his green saber, and Duarte casually knocked it aside, following up with a Force push square to Bran's chest. He flew back towards the wall, but managed to get his feet behind him to spring right back off the wall when he hit it, blades whirling. She deflected those strikes as well, but Bran was pleased to note that he'd put her on the defensive. He pressed the advantage; he struck and spun his blades in a flurry against Duarte's guard. Duarte kept her movements tight and focused, moving precisely as much as she needed to in order to block each strike, and not an inch more.

"You're usually chattier," she observed. "Is something the matter?" She opened one of her hands as it gripped her hilt, and a chair soared through the air behind Bran. He ducked beneath it, and it crashed into the transparisteel window with a dull but resounding THUD.

"You're not worth the breath," Bran growled.

The interruption from the chair had broken Bran's rhythm, though, and Duarte lunged at him and swept her saber towards him from the side. Bran flipped Bautista's blue lightsaber into a reverse grip to block her strike⁠—but she deactivated her blade just as it would have struck Bautista's and just as quickly reactivated it past Bran's guard. He clumsily swiped the saber away with his green blade and stumbled back.

Duarte clicked her tongue. "Really, I'm not sure what you hoped to accomplish with the extra saber here," she said, her tone making Bran feel like he was a Padawan again. She advanced slowly with her saber pointed directly at him. "You never were a very strong Jar'Kai user."

Suddenly Duarte sailed across the room, cracking across a chair before slamming into the wall and dropping her lightsaber.

"And you," Bautista said, singed and breathing raggedly as he stood, "never paid much attention to anyone who wasn't your precious protégé."

“Bautista!” The name spilled from Bran’s lips as his heart rose. 

Bautista smiled wryly at him and held out his hand; Bran carefully tossed his lightsaber back to him. “Help Nazeri,” he said. Bran nodded, and rushed to Nazeri’s side as Bautista stalked over to Duarte.

Nazeri was still out cold where he’d fallen. Unmoving. “No no no no no,” Bran whispered. He shook Nazeri’s shoulders. “Wake up, come on.” But he didn’t respond. Bran tried to feel for a pulse, but with the bubbling panic in his chest, he wasn’t sure if he was feeling Nazeri’s pulse or his own. He closed his eyes and tried to take a deep breath, then another. He felt the Force moving through him, around him. He reached out—yes—he could feel Nazeri, feel his life energy. But it flickered like a candle.

Bran cradled Nazeri’s head in his hands and took another deep breath. Slowly—pressing back his desperation—he willed some of the Force in his body to flow into Nazeri’s.

“NO!” Duarte shrieked. 

Bran snapped out of his trance to see Bautista hoisted into the air, scrabbling at his throat. Duarte rose from the floor, her face twisted in fury—glaring not at Bautista, but at Bran. “Don’t you dare—” she spat. “He isn’t worth—NONE of them are worth your power!” 

The hand she had stretched out towards Bautista curled, and he choked. “Let him go!” Bran shouted, rising to his feet.

Duarte smiled wickedly. “I could be convinced to let you keep both your little toys,” she said. “If...you give yourself to me.”

Bautista’s feet, kicking mid-air, slowed.

Bran roared and surged towards Duarte, his lightsaber blazing from his hand.

Her eyes widened and flicked sideways just a fraction, and she released Bautista.

And then the green blade cleaved through her arm.

Duarte wailed in agony, clutching the sizzling stump of her arm and staggering backwards. Bran pointed his blade at her throat. Tears poured from her eyes, and Bran narrowed his. She was better than this. What was she playing at?

And then he heard the distinct snap!-hiss of several lightsabers behind him.

He didn’t have to look to figure out it was the Jedi Temple Guard.

“You’re under arrest, Master Lachlan,” one of the Guards said. “Surrender your lightsaber and come quietly.”

The Guards started boxing him in with their yellow blades. Nazeri was still unconscious. Bautista was on all fours, coughing and gasping for breath. They’d played right into Duarte’s hands.

Was this it?

After a life full of ruining things, here was one more to add to his account.

...Maybe it was time to close the account.

Bran’s grip tightened on his lightsaber.

And then something impelled him to DUCK, NOW.

He didn’t question it; he threw himself to the floor—just in time as a barrage of blaster bolts pounded into, and then through the window.

And there, swooping down, was that damned junk heap of a ship, the Warden, and it was the most beautiful thing Bran had ever seen in his life.

He threw an arm around Bautista. “Go!” he said. “I’ll get Nazeri, just get on the ship!” Bautista looked like he wanted to argue, but nodded and made a break for it through the cover fire. He leapt out the window and onto the ship’s ramp as it descended into the open air. Bran rushed to Nazeri and slung his body over his shoulders. Duarte howled as Bran ran to the window. 

He hit the edge, ready to jump—and a Force push slammed into his back.

He plummeted into the Coruscant air..

Nazeri slipped from Bran’s grasp. Bran let out a strangled cry and scrabbled for, then seized his legs. His mind raced to find a way to survive this, but the sounds of speeders, air rushing past, his vertigo and spinning vision, his fear all overpowered his ability to think. There had to be something there had to be something—

He stopped mid-air with a violent jerk. Nazeri roared with pain.

Bran looked up to see Nazeri—awake!—holding onto an outcropping on the Temple’s wall as tightly as he could. “Kriff, Bran,” he wheezed. “You couldn’t think of a better escape route?” 

The Warden was on them almost immediately, and Bautista helped them inside. The trio staggered into the cockpit in time to hear Devin at the controls, whispering to themself in horror, “I shot at the Jedi Temple. I can’t believe I shot at the Jedi Temple.”

“Don’t be silly,” Trace said, her voice crackling over the comms. “I shot at the Jedi Temple! You only piloted the ship that shot at the Jedi Temple!”

Devin swallowed. “Somehow, that doesn’t make me feel better.” They glanced back at the three Jedi. “Y’all better buckle in,” they said. “This is gonna be a bumpy ride, and you don’t look so good.”

“What do you mean?” Nazeri said, giving a strained smile. “I always look good.”

Bautista huffed and rolled his eyes. “Sit down and let Lachlan be the judge of that.” Bran and Nazeri both grinned at him, and he flushed red. “You know what I mean!” he snapped.

“It’s been a while since I’ve had Jedi chasing me,” Trace mused over the comms. “How nostalgic!”

“It’s been two weeks,” Bautista grumbled.

“And now we’re all best friends!”

“I don’t think that’s going to be the case this time,” Bran said, looking at the Temple behind them. He couldn’t see her, but he could distinctly feel Duarte watching them fly away.

Silence fell over the cockpit. It wasn’t lost on any of the Jedi that in the Order’s eyes—the Order they had belonged to and worked for for years—they had just committed high treason. The Order’s full might would be sent to track them down.

On the bright side, though, the Order had just lost their best tracker.

[stilloutofmyvulcanmind]

And It All Came Tumbling Down Part 2

Request: Reader getting people out to safety gets hurt really badly and trapped, and Bruce has to save her

Pairing: Bruce Wayne x Reader

Characters: Bruce Wayne, Female!Reader, Dick Grayson

Word Count: 2400

Warnings: Explosions, graphic injuries, drowning, angst

Summary: During a work party a call comes in that the Joker has planted a bomb somewhere in Gotham. You’re tasked with clearing your building when the unthinkable happens.

A/N: Thank you for all the lovely comments on part 1, and I hope you all like this part too! It’s a little different since it’s all from Bruce’s POV!

Part 2 of 3

Part 1   Part 3 

He should've seen it coming. He should've known Joker would target the Tower. But when he'd looked at the list it had seemed like the least obvious. There'd been two others on the list that had Joker written all over it. One was the biggest in Gotham with a current occupation of near a thousand. The other was slightly smaller but currently hosting a party for some of the most influential politicians in the state. Either would cause chaos, make the rest of Gotham feel even less safe than they did already. He'd gone to one, sent Robin to the other, certain they'd find it and stop a catastrophe. 

He'd been halfway through his hotel when he heard the explosion. Moments later it came through the comms that it was the Tower. Top two levels were near destroyed. 

Bruce had tried calling Y/N but it only went to voicemail. Nothing to worry about, he'd told himself. In the rush and mayhem, it would be easy to miss a call. 

He'd just reached the Batmobile when the second bomb went off. He was the opposite end of the city but he saw the flames explode, bright against the darkness. It was hard to tell what floor it was, but it was lower, and it decimated it. Time had seemed to slow as he watched the hotel almost collapse in on itself. If anyone was still inside…

He'd kept trying to call her, but nothing. She could've left her phone behind or dropped it, he told himself, but there was a stone settling in the pit of his stomach that said otherwise.

The fourth time he tried the line connected. "Y/N?! Are you out? Are you safe?" Logic said he should've waited for her to speak first, just to make sure it was Y/N answering, but he needed to ask. 

For a few, too long seconds all he could hear was the ragged gasps of someone trying to breathe. A woman if his instincts were correct. Then, finally, "Bruce…stuck…" Her voice was quiet, words spoken at the ends of harsh breaths. 

His fingers tightened around the leather of the steering wheel, foot pressing down on the accelerator as he swerved down the streets, cursing silently as he glanced at the GPS on the display screen. The chaos of needing to rapidly evacuate several hotels had led to multiple areas being cordoned off, meaning he was forced to take a nondirect route.

“I’m on the way. Ten minutes and I’ll be with you, okay? Just hold on.” He kept his voice steady, calm. He was the Batman. And Batman was always cool and collected. The creator of fear not the feeler of it. It was a practice he’d become an expert at over the years, but not something he’d ever hoped to implement when it came to Y/N. But right now he needed to, for both their sakes.

“...’kay.” The word was so faint it was barely audible. She was fading. Bruce mentally cataloged every injury he’d acquired over his many, many falls over the years, too many too serious despite his suit. Y/N had nothing but an evening gown to protect her. 

“Stay with me, Y/N,” he said, needing to keep her attention. “Where are you hurt?” It wasn’t ideal, but it’d keep her focused and let him know just how quickly she’d need medical attention. 

“Dunno. My head. It hurts. Something...something on my legs. Pinning me.” The head injury explained a lot of her behavior, the confusion, the words that were starting to sound slurred. That was his main concern for now. Then she was talking again. “M’side...I don’t…” 

Her scream turned his blood to ice. “Y/N!” Nothing. He called again. All he could hear was agonized whimpers, small, high-pitched things that sounded more like a wounded animal than a human. “Y/N!”

The third shout seemed to get her back. “Fell...on something. Lots of blood.” The Batmobile squealed as it rounded a sharp corner, swerving slightly before straightening out again. He knew from experience that was the exact opposite of good. He ran through the options. If they could keep whatever she fell on in place, she’d stand a chance. The trouble was going to be getting her out of a destroyed building without disturbing it. Chances of getting paramedics in were slim, and if it was too long or big or attached to something…

"Bruce…" the fear in her voice was unmistakable, the word cracking even as she whispered it. 

In all the time he'd known her, never once had she been scared. She'd been caught in one of Two-Face's campaigns to cleanse the city, and as Batman, he'd watched from the rafters as she'd volunteered herself to be the next to face the judgment of his coin. Had looked death in the face with a head held high and squared shoulders, her voice never wavering or faltering as she spoke. She'd been brave, bold and beautiful. He didn't know her name back then, but he was sure he fell in love that day. 

And it was all because she'd had complete faith that Batman would save her. She'd looked Dent straight in the eye and told him so. He'd proven her faith true that day, and she had rewarded him with unerring confidence ever since. 

On the darkest of days when even he wasn't sure he could save the day, she'd been there, telling him with complete and utter surety that he could, and, that he would be coming home that night. Never once had there even been a tremble in her voice, nothing that would have ever suggested fear. 

To hear it now, to hear Y/N so scared and defeated, it hit harder than Bane ever could. 

The leather on the wheel creaked as Bruce’s grip tightened to an almost crushing point. “It’s okay. You’re going to be okay. I’m getting you out.”

A whimper. A sniffle. Another whimper. The sharp jerk of the inhale hurt her. He should be the one hurting, not her. Never her. “N-no...dangerous,” she managed to whisper, and his control nearly snapped right then. 

“I’m not leaving you, Y/N. I’ll fix this.” Because he had to. This was his fault. Y/N was hurt because of him. Because he’d decided to take advantage of her position as COO and start skipping work events he didn’t want to attend. If he’d been there when the video came in, he would’ve evacuated the hotel before disappearing into the night. He would’ve made sure Y/N was out. And if the bombs had gone off? Then at least he’d be trapped knowing she was safe. 

It went quiet, and Bruce was about to call out to her again when she spoke, words quiet and more slurred together. “Br’ce...m’srry…” His heart twisted and shattered, crumbling into a million tiny pieces. No. No. She shouldn’t be the one apologizing. Not for this. Not for anything that had happened tonight. That was him. 

He couldn’t keep up the pretense anymore. Not when she sounded so...so broken. He took a breath and hit the button on his cowl to disable the voice modulator. Maybe it was the wrong thing to do. But if the Bat wasn’t assuaging her fear, maybe Bruce could. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for, baby.” He spoke softly but kept his voice steady. 

“Do...was s’lfish. Shouldn’t’ve b’n.”

It was all wrong. He’d been the selfish one. And when she was safe, when he could hold her in his arms, he’d tell her. He’d whisper ‘sorry’ a million times over and hope for a forgiveness that he probably didn’t deserve. “We’ll talk about this once you’re safe, okay? I’m nearly there.” He was seconds away now, the cops around the perimeter jumping out of his way when they saw the car. 

Y/N didn’t argue. “L’ve you.”

“I love you.” The words sounded too much like a goodbye.

He reactivated the voice modulator in the same instant as he jumped out of the Batmobile, activating the lens in his cowl to scan for heat signatures in the crumbling building. Gordon was there immediately, telling him that at present everyone was accounted for. He shook his head. There were small fires scattered throughout, but there, on the eighth floor, a body. Y/N.

“I’m picking up a heat signal. Someone’s still trapped inside. Have paramedics on standby.” With that he grappled up to the roof of an adjacent building, perching on the edge as he looked for a way in. “I’m here,” he said to Y/N. “One minute and I’ll have you. I’m just working out my route down.”

There was an opening on the fourteenth floor he could use for access, but after that, it was difficult to see what was stable and what wasn’t. Time was of the essence, but if he moved too quickly, he could end up doing more harm than good. He’d have to be careful. 

He was about to grapple to the opening when Y/N spoke, “Bruce-” the rest of her sentence was cut off by a thundering crash and a scream. The line crackled and went dead.

Without thinking, he launched himself off the roof. He could see her falling with his lenses, nothing stopping her more for than a second. He breached the building and dived down after her, safety be damned. She was below him, about three floors further ahead. He could see her now even without the heat source.

“Y/N!” 

Chunks of rubble blew past him. Something sliced along his jaw. It didn’t matter. He had to get her…

The realization that he wouldn’t be able to catch her in time hit him like a train. The world slowed down around him, each second lasting an eternity as he watched his own outstretched hand try in vain to grab onto her. But she was too far below him. Out of his reach and he was helpless to change that.

A fall from eight floors up? With who knew what injuries already? It was impossible.

He was going to lose her.

He’d failed.

The thud and crack of a body breaking against a hard floor never came. 

In its place were a series of splashes and a shower of icy cold water spraying upwards. The hotel had a spa on its bottom level. A pool. If she’d gotten lucky and rubble landed in it before her...

There was still hope.

He’d been ready to plunge straight into the water, but a spark caught his eye and he grabbed onto a broken beam at the last second. There was a snapped electrical wire, dangling just above the surface of the water, and seemed to be slipping down closer and closer to it. If it hit before he got Y/N it would kill her for sure. A split-second decision later, he was lunging for it, grabbing the wire just before it touched the surface and throwing it up to hook onto the edge of something, out of harm’s way.

In the same breath, he turned and nosedived into the water, a brief thought at the back of his mind saying to thank Lucius for the waterproof tech later. It was black under the surface, the water-filled with bits of debris that made navigating difficult. But there. Y/N was lying at the bottom of the pool. Trapped under a metal pipe. Bruce gripped it, heaving it off of her, before circling an arm around her waist and dragging them both back up to the surface. 

He emerged with a gasp of air, but Y/N lay limp against his chest, glassy eyes staring into nothing. No. Not now.

Later he wouldn’t be able to tell anyone exactly how he got them both out of there. It was all a blur of grappling up and up, using the nearest semi steady surface, until he was pulling them both out into the night. He landed back on the adjacent roof, laying her gently down on it. 

"Y/N?" He called, feeling for her pulse at the same time as he scanned her. His stomach dropped. She'd gotten lucky with the lack of serious injuries but that meant nothing right now. 

He signaled for Gordon to get medics up there ASAP and started CPR. Five breaths. Thirty chest compressions and check. Nothing.

What was once a pale blue dress was now soaked dark, even darker around her middle where blood was seeping into it. He could see it spread along the ground in the streetlight too. At this rate, she'd bleed out before he could get her heart beating again. 

Dick appeared on the rooftop, his sure steps fumbling when he took in the sight and collapsed onto his knees the other side of her. Bruce risked a glance up, seeing the boy staring back at him. He couldn't see his eyes behind the domino mask, but he knew the sight of fear. 

"Use your cape and put pressure on the wound. Both sides." 

Dick obeyed immediately, use the bright material to try and staunch the wound through Y/N's side as best he could. Bruce didn't miss a beat with the compressions. It was only the years of training that kept him from breaking rhythm in his increasing desperation. 

Fresh blood was sliding down Y/N's face and neck. In the low light, he could make out at least one head injury. 

"B…" Dick only needed to say a single letter for Bruce to know what he was asking. He wanted to know if they should call it. If they were too late and Y/N was beyond help. 

"Keep the pressure," he growled, his eyes never leaving her face. He daren't look anywhere else, lest his own feelings show. 

He could hear the medics nearby. They'd be on the roof soon. He just needed Y/N to be breathing when they did. 

"C'mon, baby," he whispered quietly enough that even Dick barely caught it. Another two breaths into her mouth, his rhythm breaking a second when there was still no response. 

He couldn't lose her. Not now. Not like this. 

Gritting his teeth he redoubled his efforts. Not today. 

"Please."

Like what you read? Consider buying me a coffee! (I’ll love you forever)

Tagging: @medicatemedrmccoy​ @thefanficfaerie​ @weresilver-in-space​ @theravenkingishome​ @abigailadams1788​ @iwillmakeyoucraveme​ @ishouldvebutdidnt​ @wonhos-world​ @electricprincess888​ @cuddlememerrick​ @slytherinsheashire @kacchasu​ @generalgoldfishldrm​ @dc-marvel-girl96​ @sagyunaro​ @lizzga​ @padfoot-siriusly-approves​ @mybabyboytony​ @imaginethatwow​ @gretchenzellerbarnes​ @bitterisreality​ @megarichoo-blog​ @thearcher17 @notsohappysunflower​ @quoththe-raven​ @startrekstartrash​ @thatanonymouschocolate​ @eternalabysss​ 

[holdenjjpz609]

How Did We Get Here? The History of My singing monsters hack 2020 Told Through Tweets

Note that offering a Monster does not save its track, yet every one of the other types songs are conserved. In this instance, you require to press "Conserve Track" to save the track; pressing "Save" just saves the tune changes. In addition, Monsters now only eat one bed on this island. This indicates among every All-natural Beast can be placed below, and as numerous Glowbes as one dreams. The Castle does not play a bass, and also can not be modified to do so.

For some reason, when a player posts the success of hatching out a Shugabush, it reveals a Shugabass's photo as opposed to a Shugabush's photo. Shugabush is the only beast which is special to one Natural Island besides Seasonal Monsters, and also Mythological Monsters.

Shugabush, thus far, is the only monster based off of an actual person, and also probably the most significant link between the human as well as beast world. Growth for macOS has actually been reactivated, as well as variation 4 is presently readily available from the site since November 2019, first launched for Mac in January 2019. In July 2017, BlueStacks released BlueStacks 3 based upon a new engine and also front-end style.

When this monster is idle, it remains in pace by enthusiastically guiding or revolving backward and forward. The Ghazt, like any kind of various other Ethereal monster, can just be put in the Breeding Structure on Ethereal Island. On Ethereal Island, the Ghazt mostly plays coming down arpeggios and lengthy notes. On Plant Island, the Ghazt has a plasmatic atmosphere accompanying its song.

My Singing Monsters Fanmade Game" Studios

When this monster is idle, it remains in pace by bending as well as drifting backward and forward with its orbs gradually revolving around it. It will sometimes relocate its arms as if it's trying to pedal a bike, but with its arms. Composer Island is the second island to have one permanent castle tier. During Halloween 2017, Composer Island endured multiple monster outfit glitches, most notably Reedling, but also consisting of Thumpies and also Mammott. During the fifth Anniversary, on September 29th, the Author Island songs were all 50% off to purchase.

Collect Singing Monsters As Well As Create Your Own Songs

For every unique suched as item that is put within 2 squares distance from the beast, the beast's joy is enhanced by 25%.

The tunes are appealing, the monsters range from amazing to charming, and also in general, this game is incredible.

( 2 or even more of the exact same item/monster just boosts joy when.) Thus 4 things are called for to make a beast 100% happy.

Nevertheless, Kotaku is "a bit dissatisfied" with the level of intricacy included Dawn of Fire, reporting that the new feeding system impedes progression in the direction of the entire principle of revealing the "music nirvana".

Some monsters can take 2+ days from breeding to hatching out to really be in your track.

BlueStacks 3 added App Center which personalizes game ideas, an account system, chat, new keymapping user interface, and also multi-instance. Multi-instance enables customers to release numerous BlueStacks windows utilizing either the same or different Google Play account. In April 2015, BlueStacks, Inc. announced that a new version of App Player for macOS, 2.0, remained in development, which was launched in July. On June 27, 2012, the business released an alpha-1 variation of its App Player software for macOS, while the beta variation was released on December 27, 2012.

While attempting to reproduce other Monsters, the complying with Celestials can be made use of to "get rid of" T-Rox eggs quickly instead of putting them right into a Nursery as well as having that Nursery not be available. Zynth6 eggs6 eggs6 eggs8 eggs12 eggs6 eggs1 eggNote that bred monster eggs can only be "disposed of" into non-active Wublin statues; active Wublins do not accept monster eggs. Also keep in mind that inactive Wublin statuaries to which you singingmontips.club have already gotten rid of the number of T-Rox eggs that Wublin accepts, will no more be readily available as a "reuse container" for such eggs. The T-Rox Beast's payment to an Island's tune is akin to synthesized drumming. The Monster's pounding feet produce an electrical bass drum audio, while its chewing jaws sound like an electric snare being struck.

The firm was introduced Might 25, 2011, at the Citrix Synergy seminar in San Francisco. Citrix CEO Mark Templeton showed an early version of BlueStacks onstage and revealed that the firms had created a partnership. The general public alpha version of App Player was introduced on October 11, 2011. BlueStacks is an American innovation business that creates the BlueStacks App Player and also other cloud-based cross-platform products. T-Rox is most likely is a portmanteau of the wordsT-Rex, a Dinosaur from the cretaceous duration, and also "Rocks", most likely since the monster has rock-like ranges over its body.

If a player waits long enough, it will open its eyes, take a look around and close them once again. Composer Island is the very first island to enable duplicate Beast species to have different noises. Composer Island is the first island where all Monsters take up only one bed, except Glowbes, which take up no beds.

Currently, only 5 various Author Islands can be owned by one game account at optimum. Composer Island's Colossal is the very initial Colossal to show any type of indicators of life.

[pkmnsdarkqueen]

All Karen ships rated (update)

Original here 

I did this like a few months after making this account, and I thought it’d be fun to go back and re look at my ratings

Also since this one isn’t a dare to rate EVERY ship I am cutting out the protag/companion section since they’re all underaged and the original ratings reflected thus wiht them all being a no. Also getting rid of ones where she’s with a pokemon. 

Finally I’m gonna add some ones I like to the very end

strike through=my side commentary, trying to be funny italicized=if asked I’d be down to rp it mostly just to see how/it it’d work bold=ship name and who in it to help you find a certain ship highlights=they are grouped up, again in case you want to find that one ship * by ship name=Super random ships I find kinda wild ! by ship name=Dramatic change to original rating

ships on ‘never ending romance’ website. 

Karen w/ a Villian:

! 180Shipping - Karen & Shelly -2 bad a ladies over here kicking butt and being fashionable heck yes, but also Karen is an awful swimmer so let the cute romance ensue 8/10

*AphoticShipping - Saturn & Karen-Karen would find it fun to mess with from time to time, and maybe could work. 5/10

*AtrociousShipping - Karen & Mars-I mean possible, but also Mars is really kinda child like so Karen may just want to protect her instead. 4/10

BarghestShipping - Karen & Lavana-I feel like it’d be like shipping Karen with a cheerleader…an evil cheerleader. 2/10

! DarkIntentionShipping - Giovanni & Karen-Tbh yeah I like it. Just depends though because again she grew up with Silver who she is like a mom (or older sis some days) to, so that would have to be worked out. Plus she’s kinda miffed he left Silver from seeing how much it hurt him. But also hateship to romance, basically I’ve been giving this one more thought and it could be heckin cute. 9/10

*IcePinkShipping - Karen & Lovrina-No too whinney and arrogant for Karen. 0/10

***ImperiousShipping - Hunter J & Karen-Oh dear gosh no, haaaard no, And before you ask about Twist!verse they’d be both too emotionally closed. -50/100

! KariShipping - Courtney (Magma) & Karen- Been thinking about this one too and the more i think about it the less I see it. Both are too closed/awkward. 1/10

LiaisonShipping - Petrel & Karen-Kinda cute in a way with them balancing each other out. It’s like obvious psycho with subtle psycho, and seems fun. 8/10

! PaybackShipping - Archer & Karen- Briefly had a little shipping with this and tbh really enjoyed it. If in an au just the dynamic of the couple in 101 Dalmatians would be these two. In main verse you could have them sneaking the romance and such to not get caught. Also evil Karen? Or good Archer? 9/10

PerishSongShipping - Proton & Karen-He’s a bit reactive for her, and cocky though maybe she’d balance him out? 5/10

! StrangeloveShipping - Domino & Karen-…I dunno why she makes me think of sailor moon, but she does Evil Karen? then ye this could work and be fun, maybe Twist!verse would even work. 8/10

TenebrousShipping - Ariana & Karen-I find it funny the team Karen was vaguely a part of, and now is a part of her life she works so hard to distance from is the one she’s shipped with ALOT. Oh and Galactic of all things is second most common for some reason. Also eh on this one. Ariana has that mom vibe, and Karen distances herself from that usually. 3/10

Karen w/ gym leader:

*BerthierShipping - Cress & Karen-I dunno because he seems like a 16 year old teen to me, but their personalities would work, so maybe. 5/10

BittersweetShipping - Karen & Whitney-Hm I can think of some interesting plots with Karen’s early elite four days as when they meet. Not sure what they’d have in common though. 4/10

! BracknellShipping - Gardenia & Karen-Karen likes grass tyoes and Gardenia has that somewhat wild side that Karen likes I can see them spending late nights camping after exploring all day. 8/10

***ChalcedoniteShipping - Karen & Roxanne-Isn’t she like 16? Also I feel Karen would just see her as a spunky kid 0/10

! CockroachShipping - Burgh & Karen-Can we appreciate the name please…..Ok cool. Ok but Karen trying to learn how to paint the normal way and showing Burgh how to do spray paint work or paint a motorcycle? Look I think they’d be cute. 8/10

! ColdNightShipping - Candice & Karen-Yes, double yes. Candice talking about the pressure of having the meeting point of dialgia, palkia, and giratina so close plus the regi temple, and lake acuity. Like the pressure of keeping all of these legendary places safe is alot of pressure. Then Karen knowing about ho-oh and wanting to keep them safe, anyways they can bond ina . cool way. 10/10

*DarkActShipping - Brycen-Man & Karen-Not Brycen, Brycen-Man. I really dunno because I feel like it’d be too close to the Masked Man for her to be comfortable. 2/10

DarkalleyShipping - Volkner & Karen-Hmmmmm maybe, but also I feel Volkner needs a more high energy person, so 3/10. As the toxic relationship their a part of in some hallmark like plot though 10/10

DarkGaleShipping - Karen & Winona-A possibility, but I kinda see them as friends just chillin watchin clouds. 3/10

*DarkHarvestShipping - Cilan & Karen-Didn’t know Karen was popular with the trio, but ok. Anyways if he’s alot like he is in the anime thats gonna be a hard no. otherwise, eh maybe? 4/10

DarkMarshShipping - Karen & Sabrina-Friends I think. Like they’d be comfortable around each other, but no spark in that way. 1/10

ElectricDarknessShipping - Elesa & Karen-I sort of want it just because while Karen dresses nice she is a tomboy meaning the clashes about fashion or manners would be great. 8/10

FightNightShipping - Karen & Maylene-If they were in the plot of a secret fight club, a hard yes. Otherwise, I don’t see it. 1/10

GabbroShipping - Brock & Karen-I want to see Brock do his whole freak out just to write Karen’s way to shoot him down. After all romance takes awhile for, and if aggressive is your first interaction it scares her. Though he does stand down after being rejected so she’d respect that, and maybe think about giving a chance. 5/10

GothShipping - Clair & Karen-Popular yes, but I like the Cynthia, Karen, Clair girl squad dynamic so much more. 2/10

ImpShipping - Karen & Valerie-Karen being vastly confused but fascinated by the antics of Valerie sounds cute.  7/10

InsectQueenShipping - Karen & Viola-The plots would be cute knowing Karen’s quirks with cameras. 8/10

LamentShipping - Flannery & Karen-Idk due to lack of things to connect on overriding if personalities would work. 3/10

LiptonShipping - Jasmine & Karen-I wanna say no cause I think she’d be too sweet for Karen, but also yes because she can get super intimidating and tiny Jas actually wearing the pants in their relationship sounds interesting 5/10

**MortelleShipping - Fantina & Karen-Naw…to much flash and show for Karen, but maybe contest mentor. Also Karen has a vendetta against Amity Square for it’s selectiveness of ‘cute pokemon’. 0/10

! NightsongShipping - Falkner & Karen-The name of this ship is amazing, but Falkner is like one of those characters who gets shipped aorund with EVERYONE like really it’s kinda ridiculous and I’m tired of him just beign thrown at everyone 2/10

! PaintedLadyShipping - Bugsy & Karen-How is this one not for Burgh?  Yeah no he’s just too much like a kid. 0/10

RafureShipping - Erika & Karen-…can their Vileplume’s fall in love instead? I’m 10/10 for that. Between them 2/10

RiddlesInTheDarkShipping - Blaine & Karen-…Eh…or we could not, and maybe they just are friends. I don’t really see romance blooming there. 0/10

SchwarzFlashShipping - Lt. Surge & Karen-Them both having PTSD? Maybe helping each other? I mean I wouldn’t mind giving it a shot. 7/10

ScotopiaShipping - Karen & Skyla-Maybe too much spunk like Rosa, but Karen would admire her determination. 4/10

SilkShipping - Janine & Karen-No pls. I see Karen as her unofficially adopted big sis, and find that adorable. 0/10

! UnderworldShipping - Morty & Karen- So far this has proven to be a hard no, and tbh I kinda like it better that way.  0/10

***WhiteMoonShipping - Pryce & Karen-Even in a verse he wasn’t The Masked Man imma give this a hard no. 0/10

Karen w/ an elite:

AphroditeShipping - Koga & Karen  -He’s like her dad…so…no. -50/10

BadRomanceShipping - Grimsley & Karen-Bad romance is a good title cause I feel it’d be a rough start. 10/10

*BlackGlacierShipping - Glacia & Karen-Tbh not sure if they have much at all in common. 1/10

BlackiceShipping - Karen & Lorelei-Ok maybe because they have some similarities, but tbh I like the older gal pal bond alot. 5/10  

DarkEliteShipping - Sidney & Karen-A more punk relationship in this elite match-up, but I could see it working. 10/10

DarkKnightShipping - Wikstrom & Karen-Again the title tho! I mean yeah I think I could see it from her finding him quirky, but in a good way. Although they have wildy different aesthetics so it’d depend on interpretations. Right now I do love the dynamicKaren has with a Wikstrom account.  8/10

DelilahShipping - Bruno & Karen-Eh maybe? I like the uncle and niece bromance they have tho. 4/10

! DementiaShipping - Lucian & Karen-I feel like they’d either clash or hit it off with no inbetween. I Still stand by this but I think they’d everntually fall for each other.  9/10

DisownShipping - Agatha & Karen-NOOOOO don’t make Gma relationship sexy! -50/10

! HellaFineEliteShipping - Karen & Malva- Ok so came back, and yeah I could see it, but depends on interpretations again because they could just more easily spark into a fight or if the first interaction went sour not give it another shot. 5/100

IntuitiveShipping - Siebold & Karen-Actually had a rp with them shipped, was Twist!verse tho giving Siebold that rescuer mentality which helped. In general though I kinda want to see it. 7/10

LambentShipping - Flint (elite) & Karen-Hm. Maybe? Like, ok the dynamic personality helps, but also would be a slow burn. 5/10

MasakudoShipping - Will & Karen- I love it in some ways, but I also feel as though they’ve see so much of each other’s absolute worst sides it wouldn’t work. ???/10

! NightmareShipping - Karen & Phoebe-Eh they’d be good friends but I can’t see them really hitting it off as far as things they have in common. 3/10

NoWeaknessShipping - Karen & Shauntal-Ok bumbling dork sounds cute, and her defending from Grimsley’s teasing sounds cute, and great now I find this cute. 8/10

RhymeShipping - Aaron (elite) & Karen-…ArE thEsE tWo ONly ShIPpeD cAUsE thEiR NAmEs RhYmE?! Jokes on you because imagine them working out together, or exploring the woods, or yeah let’s ship this! 8/10

ShootingStarShipping - Drake (Orange) & Karen-Hm, I mean I would like to see it before going anywhere with it. 4/10

SuckerPunchShipping - Marshal & Karen-…I see it more than Bruno, but also feel as though they could clash some how personality wise. I’d like to see a plot for it though. 4/10

TerrifyingShipping - Caitlin & Karen-They both have awful sleep schedules so I feel like trying to get a time they’re both awake would be a problem, and personality wise would clash. 1/10

Karen w/ a champion:

BoadiceaShipping - Cynthia & Karen-I like the best friend bond a thousand times better, but I see the appeal 7/10 BumpShipping - Steven Stone & Karen-If you asked me when I started this account I would of said,”in what world?” Now after having various interaction with multiple accounts I’m like 10/10 DreamTeamShipping - Alder & Karen-Eh…yes…and no? Like he did hit on Cynthia and she has qualities like her, so could maybe work.  6/10 NeoEliteShipping - Lance & Karen-Like yeah I can see it. It’d take flippin forever with Karen being a royal butt most of the time while adjusting to elite life, and then after that they’re both closed off with emotions so it’s take awhile. 10/10 I hate that my prediction was correct

Karen w/ a minor GAME npc:

BoxVirusShipping - Brigette & Karen-Could be interesting, but I’m not sold all the way 3/10 CassiaShipping - Karen & Sina-Very random, and tbh I say no because of what little they would connect on 0/10 ChicoryShipping - Cheryl & Karen-Cheryl is so sweet. I feel too sweet because Karen needs someone that will argue with her when she needs redirecting 0/10 ClosestShipping - Karen & Zinnia-I mean the rebellious streak, the slightly odd behavior? Karen would find it intriguing, and if the move was made she wouldn’t oppose it. 9/10 ! DarkMagicShipping - Eusine & Karen-Better watch out Morty, Ms. Steal Ya Dude is ova here! Yeah no no, they can only clash. Even without Morty beign the catalyst these 2 would clash. 0/10 DarkServiceShipping - Darach & Karen-Heh…the name alone tho. x3 (i am mature I swear) Ok kinda random, but possible. She isn’t one to look down on someone due to social status. 5/10 ! DarkShadowsShipping - Ingo & Karen -Him and his bro are so easy to ship to me, and yes she’d find his quirks cute while dragging him out of his shell while he’d keep her grounded. 10/10 DarkSpecterShipping - Riley & Karen-Like ok yeah, the mysterious vibe combined with a strong goal. I can see it. 7/10 ! GigabyteShipping - Bill & Karen-idk, Karen may not be a big science person but she finds it kind of interesting to listen to. Could work. 5/10 KurumiShipping - Karen & Lisia-Comin for ya girl Wallace! Tbh tho idk because I could see them having a cute mentee relationship if Karen did competition with the twist in dynamic of her mentor being younger. As for romance 3/10 NoirShipping - Karen & Marley-Karen’s inner thoughts as a person. Like could work, or maybe too similar. 3/10 SeventhJugglerShipping - Juggler (Trainer class) & Karen-Lol the title tho, like seventh juggler!? Boi has no name! I mean ok, sure. I love a relationship that keeps both parties guessing, and if Karen can handle WIll I think she’d be down to handle a second clown. XD 8/10

Karen w/ a minor ANIME/MOVIE npc:

BahamarShipping - Karen & Olesia-Don’t get at all, and I think she’s barely an adult 0/10 CamdenShipping - Karen & Michelle-Would make more sense with Lance 1/10 DarkMotherSocietyShipping - Delia & Karen-Why does everyone want ash’s mom? Also no. 0/10 DetoxicationShipping - Karen & Sakura-Aw naw, wholesome friendship. 0/10 FavoriteShipping - Lawrence III & Karen-Karen in twist!verse, yes. A hard yes. 10/10 Otherwise…eh…maybe? 5/10 GothicDJShipping - Karen & DJ Mary-Enemies 10/10, mostly Karen’s side. With her reporting on Karen’s past, and asking invasive questions wanting a scoop for her show. Romance -50/10 HazyShipping - Karen & Solidad-She’‘s down to earth, and I think her groove may fit well w/ Karen 6/10 LiminalShipping - Sir Aaron & Karen-Can we please just agree this is Riley but in his mega form? 7/10 MorriganShipping - Karen & Moria-I have no idea where this one came from, and I’m eh. 1/10

Karen w/ a Frontier brain:

AshikoShipping - Greta & Karen-Eh, I don’t see anything really 1/10 CapriShipping - Dahlia & Karen-Idk why I feel like they’re the same person, but I do, and eh. 4/10 DarkLuckShipping - Karen & Lucy-Her and Brock tho…also I feel like they’d fall into awkward silences often. 2/10 YorShipping - Brandon & Karen-Maybe as vigilantes together, that’d be a fun plot. Shipping though Idk. 4/10

TCG Characters: (All 0)

TaladasShipping - Felicity & Karen-Another news personality, but also with theatrics and I just don’t see it. 0/10 DarknessEnergyShipping - Mark & Karen-Not much on this guy. It’s a no cause she’s see him as a child, but look him up. 0/10 MoonSugarShipping - Karen & Mint-No iz too child, and also look the kid up. 0/10

OTHER MANGA Characters:

DarkGirlShipping - Karen & Rug-Turns out this is a real person, and not an actual rug. My bad. Also no she’d likely take the girl in as a mentee though. 0/10 MephistoShipping - Karen & Pauline-….eh. 1/10 RosarioShipping - Daisy (Cerulean) & Karen-I feel like it’s a possibility, but I’m not jumping full on board. 4/10

Karen and multiple people: (All are gonna be a no romantically because I don’t see Karen being poly, but I’ll give plot ideas)

DarkPathShipping - Brycen-Man, Grimsley, Sidney & Karen-Brycen is random….? Unless they do a movie where they’re all the bad guys and him as the ultimate villain maybe? Movie idea, 10/10.

DuskShipping - Karen, Houndoom & Skuntank-I can see Karen with a skunktank, and Garnet teaming with one for a double battle would be cool. 10/10

DystopianDarkActShipping - Brycen-man, Cyrus, Karen & Marley-Brycen-Man is everywhere with Karen, and I don’t know why…also sort of random combination…based on the name maybe a plot with them in a dystopian world. For some apocalypse theme plot though 10/10  

EcostasisShipping - Flint (elite), Volkner, Candice, Karen & Sabrina-So the name is about extra bone formation….people that should all join team skull? Ooooor lab experiment plot? I guess 7/10

ElitismShipping - Falkner, Morty, Will, Clair, Karen & Whitney-I feel like the title is implying them thinking they’re better than everyone. I see none of this from any of these people, and am confused. 0/10

EsotericShipping - Grimsley, Sidney & Karen-YAAAAS DARK SQUAD! The name does suit them, and I don’t need to list any plots they easily make their own. 100/10

FrostingShipping - Dawn, Karen & Lovrina-Pulling from all the verses here, and all I see is a gal pal adventure. An odd adventure. KInda down tho. 5/10

HaremTaroShipping - Gold (Special), Crystal, Jasmine, Karen, DJ Mary & Whitney-I’ve never watched the anime this one is referring to so ???/10

HeolstorShipping - Falkner, Morty & Karen-There is no meaning behind the name, but maybe they’d be good camping buds. 7/10

IndigoLeagueShipping - Bruno, Koga, Lance, Will & Karen-As really super good friends, heck ye! Imagine a prank war plot now! 10/10

JohtoHaremShipping - Jimmy (Kenta), Karen, Marina (Johto), DJ Mary, Sakura & Whitney-….Due to the title there is clearly only one intention for this, and please no. -1000/10

KinkShipping - Erika, Karen & Sabrina-If you’re kink is having a good time pokemon battling! C’mon they’d be another awesome girl squad! :D (The things I do to keep sex talk at a pg-13 level). As buds 10/10

KuroyukihimeShipping - Princess Allie, Candice & Karen-Karen would want to punt the princess. Plot of her and Candice babysitting this child, and holding each other back from strangling her 9/10

LooseShipping - Cynthia, Jessie, Karen & Misty-…As a Gal pal squad that sounds awesome, and I want them all stuck bonding in a high school detention together. You got sporty chic (Misty), Delinquente (Karen), Theater kid (Jessie), and Miss Perfect (Cynthia) 10/10

LoyalMaskShipping - Carl, Will, Karen & Sham-I WANT TO WRITE OR RP THIS CREW SO BADLY! AH! Like, PLEASE! 1000/10

MaskedChildrenShipping - Carl, Silver (Special), Will, Blue (female), Karen & Sham-AGAIN! I WANNA WRITE THIS CREW! Not as much as the LoyalMask, but I LOVE DIS CREW! Fear the children! 10/10

MaskedGirlsShipping - Blue (female), Karen & Sham-Evil girly child squad sounds great! 10/10

MatsuriShipping - Morty, Agatha & Karen-I am imagining Agatha mentoring both of them, and they’re competing to be stronger. Don’t know past that, but sounds interesting 8/10

MidnightGardenShipping - Gardenia, Karen & Roxanne-I actually want them to start a gardening group that only meets at night. Sounds fun tbh, and could have some quirky fluff plots. 8/10

NewLookShipping - Elesa, Karen, Sabrina & Shelly-Them all shopping together sounds amazing. For each other would be interesting, but for another person sounds like absolute chaos, and I love it. 10/10

QuirkyMoonSugarShipping - Greta, Karen, Mint & Whitney-lot of verses here. Um yes definaley all quirky, dunno how their dynamic would be though. 2/10

ShadowedShipping - Clair, Cynthia & Karen-Again gal pals. 10/10

SororityShipping - Flannery, Karen & Lily (Kanto)-Them in a sorority maybe fun. I’m sorta down 6/10

ThreatOnAlertShipping - Grimsley, Morty, Alexa (XY), Dahlia & Karen-Is this a group of the most paranoid people because if so yeah I agree. 10/10

XenonDarkActShipping - Brycen-Man, Paul, Wallace & Karen-Another movie with them all as bad guys maybe? Idk how Paul would fit tho so 8/10 ShitennouShipping - Aaron (elite), Bruno, Drake (Hoenn), Flint (elite), Grimsley, Koga, Lance, Lucian, Marshal, Sidney, Siebold, Wikstrom, Will, Agatha, Bertha, Caitlin, Drasna, Glacia, Karen, Lorelei, Malva, Phoebe & Shauntal (gen infinite)-…Ok so this is basically everyone, and sure yeah let’s make em all buds. Down w/ that. I’d like giant team up, but am not writing all of that alone. 10/10

Karen with….Karen….????: (I had no idea where to fit this in.)

PerkyGothShipping - Karen & herself-She would know what herself needs to hear, so good, but also she likes different things, and may get bored. I suppose it depends on portrayal. ???/10

Other ships 

BlackCatDog Shipping - Karen & Nanu They were shipped for a bit and I still think it’s a cute possibility. If nothing else just them talking about their pasts would be interesting. They’ve both been through alot. 8/10

MoonFlare Shipping - Karen & Lysandre If I could only choose 1 ship for Karen it’d be this one. I just really like the parallels that they have with each other, and how both of them have compassion for the opposite sides but due to roughly a similar reason. I’d have to go into alot to explain all that though. Basically I just really like how opposites attract here cause they’d both have to grow. 10/10

Aqua Moon shipping - Karen & Archie Again Karen’s awful around water and I just think these two would have a blast interacting with each other. They’d also both be able to have serious moments too,a nd could even talk about what it was like to leave Rocket. Also I have a really awesome idea for Deity!Verse. 8/10

BlackPaint Shipping - Karen & Mina  This combines Karen and art like with the Burgh ship, plus fairy shenanigans like with Valerie, and also the punk but soft vibe both of these gals bring to the table. I love it 10/10

MoonHearts Shipping - Karen & Sonia Sonia trying to figure out how to scientist, and Karen trying to figure out how to elite, and them both being dorks. I love it! 8/10

MoonHive - Karen & Professor Juniper Juniper being science nerd but also super deep and philosophical and just her and Karen spending late nights talking about anything and everything sounds cute. 7/10

NightWatchers - Karen & Looker Ye they’d picker sometimes and yes Karen’s bar might become a problem, but what if they have to work together and spy shenanigans ensue with these dorks insisting to themselves they need to stay professional. Cute af. 10/10

BlackSmog Shipping - Karen & Tabitha  Tbh I could see it. I’m not as firmly sold as some others but I can see it working. Besides Karen doesn’t care if someone’s an ex criminal or has humble beginnings. so ye could work! Although she’d def want to get Tabitha to work out with her. 6/10

[thesagedahlia]

💢Ari & GHerbo Saga💢

Now I won't lie to you, I don't know these people, nor have I ever cared. I thought this was just another "bitter baby mama" love triangle, & I've been seeing that alot, via my own intuitive hits. Ari breeds this energy that she is toxic, but I'm not going to put all the blame onto her; she is a hurt woman & GHerbo never struck me as innocent when it came to her. Guys are guys, & they all have some manipulative tendencies, & if we pull his chart up, that Scorpio Mars screams manipulation. Plus, his Libra stellium can be the culprit in him being so favorable in the public, but that Libra sun with an Aries moon feels aggresive (same placements as Cardi B, might I add). But Ari's Cancer stellium is emotional, moody & reactive emotionally. & her moon is in Capricorn, so their compatibility with their suns & moons ALONE is a Cardinal square, (cardinal signs being Aries, Cancer, Libra, & Capricorn), & that is a lot of aggression on both side, & of course, that shit clashes. That being said, they are a without a doubt a toxic couple, so I do feel this isn't the end for them & their drama, after all there IS a child involved. Let me close this out by saying this: anything that I say in this reading DOES NOT have to manifest, but this IS what my cards picked up at the time when I was pulling on this situation. Also, if I'm wrong, I'm wrong, & I never want to be right about the things I picked up on because it's all very messy. So at this time, you, the reader, can decide for yourself from this point on; does Ari feel she will ever be as spiteful as this, do you think any of the behind the scenes messiness that I picked up on, & do you believe that actions speak louder than words? If you can't stand someone talking about your fave & feel like I'm being a "hater" or an "assumer" in this reading, this is where you can get off. If you want to use your intuition & are curious about what I picked up on, keep reading. The worst has yet to come. It's also important to note that energy fluctuates & doesn't stay the same all the time, so again; this does NOT have to manifest in the way that I've picked up.

**DISCLAIMER**

I am not declaring, nor am I insinuating, that anything I say in my predictions are true accounts of any of the parties involved. This reading is for entertainment purposes only, & should be only taken as such. All in good fun, folks 🤷🏾‍♀️🧿

💢Energy surrounding Ari & GHerbo💢

It's not really a secret that they aren't on a good accord at the moment. I think there is more to the story when it comes to certain arrangements they made. Even after countless times of trying to mend their relationship for the sake of their child (& maybe for other more personal reasons), it just ended up being repeated cycles of hostility that brings nothing but burdens. This may sound a little messy, but I don't think GHerbo was completely finished dealing with Ari at times. I think a lot of Ari's frustration comes from him being (or trying to be) back & forth between her & Tania. It's even possible that there was a (a-HEM) "exchange" between Ari & GHerbo, behind Tania's back. I think there is much grief & anxiety over the fact that Tania is getting the financial security with GHerbo (either that or security in general) or her being able to splurge on him the way she does, while Ari isn't necessarily getting the respect she feels she deserves. I have a feeling there is a lot of a front when it comes to how Ari truly feels, & I do feel like she is bothered by their relationship in some way. It's almost like she believes that they intentionally do things to spite & play games with her. There seems to be unfinished business & that of course can pertain to the child they have together, but I get the feeling that Ari & GHerbo dealt with each other long after he got with Tania. I remember when news broke about the altercation the two had, & I'm feeling GHerbo was completely finished dealing with her after that. I also believe that there were personal things that took place leading up to it; there is much hurt surrounding it. I feel GHerbo is doing his best to ignore Ari, & I also get a sense that she hurt him in some way. He doesn't seem to want anything to do with her at this time. I get a feeling Ari is coming for GHerbo, & she may even get the courts involved this time. I feel like she is scorned & is wanting to hit him where it hurts. What she is planning on accomplishing will compromise their relationship as coparents, & even friends if that is still there. I feel a plot coming to fruition & she is working with other people (possibly lawyers). Ari is coming up with the way to control the situation & it may be made public. She may be trying to come after him financially for any distress he may have caused her. I feel like she is planning to take him to court because she feels he is either ignoring his responsibilities, or doing certain things just to spite her. She's keeping her cards close to her chest, but I feel she is speaking with lawyers. I feel the two aren't speaking with each other & there isn't much balance in the relationship. He completely cut her off, I'm getting, which makes Ari feels that anything she sees of him on social media is in spite of her. She has some secrets on GHerbo that she has yet to bring to light & it may have to do with some unresolved feelings for one another.

💢Ari's feelings toward GHerbo💢

Although she's blessed for her son, I see regret in dealing with GHerbo. I see broken promises that she feels she needs to heal from, though I don't feel that it's over for her. I have a feeling that she may want sole custody of their son & is working on her own foundation. She does feel she lost out on the family aspect if being with GHerbo & think there was a part of her that wanted to marry him. Now I think she is after him financially (or sole custody) so when that is revealed, it will end there relationship for good. She feels like claiming what is rightly hers, & it may bring things in front of a judge. I don't feel like it is what she wants to do, but it is what it's come down to.

💢GHerbo's feelings toward Ari💢

Well...he feels like he wants to say something to her & get back on good terms, for the sake of their child, I feel like he still cares about Ari, but he is moving forward from her. She is coming at him through social media, which is keeping him far away from her, but I do feel like he wants to make things right. I do feel like he made the right decision to move on from her, but I think he could be feeling on the fence about it. There was a part of him that didn't want to end things with her. I also feel like he was giving to both her & Tania at the same time at one point. I think he is having patience at this time, when reconciling with her, but I see that he is focused on his relationship with Tania. He's trying to be strong in this time, because he wants to speak with her. I feel he's happy in his relationship, but he could also be feeling overwhelmed by his situation. I think he feels like their connection is strong enough to withstand the test of time, but I also get the feeling that he misses her (even if only slightly), but he is keeping his focus away from her.

💢How does Ari feel about GHerbo & Tania as a couple💢

The relationship was definitely a disruption for her & it may have been kept from her before they made it official. She is completely defensive against this relationship because there is a element of not being aware of their relationship in the first place. She had a feeling, when they weren't getting along much, that he was moving on elsewhere, but it still wasn't initially brought to her attention. She feels it was a way for her to rest from the situation of being with him, though he always was back & forth with her emotionally. She didn't take much of it serious at first for the simple fact that he would always go back to her, but she felt him acting out of ego. He would always want to keep the peace with her & that was something that boosted her ego; feeling like she always had one up on Tania. Again, his ego is coming up for her, almost like she feels like he willingly tries to spite her using this relationship, but she's worked on brushing shit off. I feel like she had this mindset of "he'll leave her & be back with me", but I think she is starting to come to terms with them being together longer than she originally anticipated. She still in this mindset that they won't last, but I feel she doesn't want him much anymore, though she believes he still wants her.

💢Will the situation with Ari & GHerbo be resolved💢

I feel like, again, there is some sort of stage of patience & planning where there is a delay in taking a risk that will be an irrational attempt at rectifying their own hurt feelings. Again, this feels like Ari wanting to bring judgement to what she feels is an attack against her. There is financial stability wanting to be achieved in turn for her 'pain & suffering'. Now, this could be strictly financial or she could be filing for sole custody, but I keep seeing a plot on threatening GHerbo's stability, & I keep seeing this as irrationality & taking things to a further point. I feel Ari is keeping to herself afterwards, but I still see her plotting to gain from an opportunity. She's going to allow things to play out, because she is planning on bringing a tower down. She wants shit to be balanced for her & would rather not be involved in any more conflict & mind games. She understands there will be even more ongoing stress & continued challenges, but her end goal is achieved respect in her motherhood. She's still on the fence about actually going through with it because she knows it may be a battle & she doesn't want to threaten his authority (or interrupt his duties as a father), but she feels the need to balance out the situation, because it's only going to cause her more greif. She may actually want sole custody, or would like an agreement made on paper on when GHerbo is able to see their son. It is possible that it won't be extreme in what she's planning, but she is planning on get the courts involved. I feel like she may continue to be bothered by the situation, but whether she's privately or continues to be publicly bothered, it will only add fuel to her fire. She may be talking to a lawyer as of now, if not she plans to. I get a sense that she is going to continue to stand by & watch, as her case is building. She wants her defense to be strong enough to actually have something moving & is watching for anything that she can use against him in court. She could be in the beginning stages with her lawyer (if it's come to that yet) where they are putting a strong case together, & they are gathering as much information as they can. I'm still picking up on a financial or parental battle that may take some time to develop, though in the meantime there may not be much outwardly spoken about the situation from Ari. I feel she will allow things to play out as she makes plans to take a calculated approach.

💢BONUS QUESTION: Has GHerbo ever cheated on Tania with Ari💢

I will say that it was done out of pride & ego. I do feel, again, Ari felt an ego boost whenever GHerbo would be around her, giving her attention. There was some risky situation confronted & it has overturned the balance to his current relationship. There was fun depicted in their encounter, & even though Ari was satisfied, it was kinda weighing on GHerbo after a while. You know how you still deal with your ex/bm/person that you fuck, & you feel like since you always fuck with them, you continue to, instead of moving forward in your current relationship (I mean, we shouldn't be familiar with this, but-), that's basically what goes on with them, but I feel GHerbo has been draining himself. He knows that this could potentially cause problems with his relationship, & he also feels he can't trust Ari. He does feel regret for continuing to entertain her in that way, & has put a stop to their affairs (in vulgar terms, it stopped being about his nut with her).

💢BONUS QUESTION: Will GHerbo & Tania last💢

Wherever there are people who aren't for them or are looking for them to fail, they already expect it. With that said, they still plan on moving forward. They are well aware that there is deception or envy that can come through without warning, but they are in an energy of 'building' at this point. They aren't going to let the world get to them because they feel it is them against it. They are both happy being with each other, & they make each other happy. With Ari in particular, there is hope to achieve a common ground with her, since she stands in the way of a lot of their peace. There is much struggle & burden that there is a need to balance out the situation with her in order to make things with coparenting smoother, but nothing is moving at this time; instead there's much backlash from her at this time. But again, I keep picking up that it's going to be getting worse as far as backlash, but they are still depicted as moving forward regardless of things getting tough for them.

For the final time; this DOES NOT have to manifest in the way that I have depicted. This energy can come & pass, & therefore never be addressed on this level.

[cnroth]

The Misrepresentation of Mental Disability in Star Trek: Discovery

Season two of Star Trek: Discovery has teased us for half a season with Spock having vague mental health issues and Starfleet being a big dick about his experience. In episode 8, “If Memory Serves,” we finally get an explanation for Spock’s strange behavior and see what happened when he escaped the psychiatric hospital. It is... infuriating.

The set up was bad enough, with its dangerous mentally ill person and he can’t really be mentally ill because he’s a nice person, with the gross violations of Spock’s rights and Amanda’s dreadful comment about how “‘emotional disturbance’ is code for ‘psychosis.’” It’s honestly a clusterfuck of misused terminology and harmful tropes. With episode 8 we’ve added the mental illness fake-out and when modern medicine fails try magic (telepathy), as well as another iteration of the INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS myth that psychiatric hospitals are scary places that might lock you up against your will and threaten your safety.

I can’t help but think back to the season one arc of the the only major character who had a psychiatric diagnosis last season... who also turned out to be a mental illness fake-out and was insta-cured by sci-fi magic. Looking back at this parallel, we see that the dreadful bait-and-switch representation of mental illness in season two was also used in season one, indicating that Star Trek: Discovery is not quite as progressive and inclusive as it purports itself to be.

So let’s talk about Tyler’s PTSD.

The misrepresentation of Tyler’s symptoms

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fifth edition (DSM-5), in order to receive a diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder a person must experience a traumatic event that meets specific criteria (such as a life-threatening event or witnessing violence). Then, for AT LEAST A MONTH after the event, someone must experience symptoms from ALL FOUR of the following categories:

Intrusion (e.g. flashbacks or nightmares)

Avoidance (staying away from things that remind the person of the event, avoiding thoughts or feelings related to event)

Arousal and reactivity (hyper aware of surroundings, exaggerated startle response, explosive unprovoked outbursts of anger, feeling on edge, sleep disturbance)

Mood and cognition (e.g. beliefs that the trauma was one’s own fault or that they’ll never be safe again, memory disruption, loss of interest in activities or ability to feel pleasure).

Although it’s clear Tyler and Voq experienced multiple traumatic events, and we see Tyler having intrusive flashbacks and nightmares—although they were mostly used as a plot device to conveniently convey backstory and foreshadow a major plot twist—we didn’t see clear examples of all four symptom groupings. Moreover, the timeline for his symptoms isn’t clear, but if we start the clock at his escape from the prison ship, I have doubts that it was a month. (Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.)

Now, I realize that no one directly gave Tyler the diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It was Admiral Cornwell who recognized his symptoms as trauma-based and said she had experience treating PTSD from her former medical practice, and she used her training to help talk Tyler through his reaction to seeing L’Rell. Still, viewers were expected to buy into this explanation so that the reveal of Tyler as Voq would be a surprise.

In short, they indicated that Tyler had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but they didn’t seem to do much research into what the symptoms or criteria for that disorder are. They misused terminology and exploited Tyler’s suffering for the sake of the plot. Then, they used a bait-and-switch tactic to reveal that he didn’t actually have a real-world psychiatric disorder after all, but just some fantastical sleeper agent side effects. They sold viewers on an inaccurate but compassionate representation of mental illness, then ripped that representation away from us and laughed about it all the way to the bank.

The problematic way Starfleet (and the show) handles officers with mental disorders

Tyler is suffering in season one. Clearly, he wants help, but he’s afraid that if he talks to a doctor he’ll be relieved of duty. He confides somewhat in Michael, but swears to her that he’ll get help if it becomes too much for him to handle. We later follow him on a mission to retrieve a data core with a worker bee, where seeing Klingon bodies triggers a flashback and he almost blows the mission. We, the audience, are supposed to take this as a sign that something is very wrong with Tyler and he isn’t fit for duty.

But here’s the thing: The way this story is told is discriminatory and harmful. If Starfleet were as compassionate and utopian as we’re supposed to believe, then they wouldn’t take away the thing that helps Tyler cope and stay active. Working is good for him; taking him off duty—particularly on a ship that for some stupid reason doesn’t have even one mental health professional on staff—would mean... what? What would he do to fill his time? When someone is suffering from trauma symptoms, too much spare time can be counterproductive. It can in fact be very triggering, opening up mental space for the trauma symptoms to fill. It would likely also add to Tyler’s sense of being an outsider on Discovery. His comrades are all working, but he is not.

Tyler doesn’t need to be relieved of duty. What he needs is for his commanding officer to accommodate his disability.

Out of universe, this is important because PTSD is very stigmatized in the US military, and many people fear losing security clearances or even being discharged because of such a diagnosis. The truth is that the stigma of diagnosis is much more dangerous than the diagnosis itself. Avoiding help can lead to worsening of symptoms and unexplained behaviors (such as snapping at a at a superior or avoiding certain triggering situations) that could have been excused and perhaps accommodated by having a diagnosis on record. Tyler’s situation has real world implications, and the way the show undercuts him over and over is downright harmful to real people living with this condition.

Let’s look at his mission to retrieve the data core. Now, there was really no good in-universe reason for him to be on that worker bee. He was a security officer, not a technician. Why send him instead of, say, Owosekun? The answer is that the plot demanded it. The mission was an excuse for Tyler to have another flashback, and the viewers were supposed to believe that he was messed up and unfit for duty.

But let’s say he was the ideal person for that mission. If Tyler had been receiving treatment, his doctor could write up a list of special needs he has and some accommodations Lorca could make to help him. Lorca would be legally required to fulfill those accommodations as best he could. It is not Tyler’s responsibility to bear all the weight and consequences of his disability; as the ones with more power and privilege, it is Starfleet’s job to accommodate him. So, maybe one of those accommodations could be that he doesn’t go on missions alone. If something triggers him, another officer is there to provide support.

How hard would that be to do? Answer: it’s not. Not at all. Accommodations are usually not hard to provide, but refusing to make accommodations is ableist. Unfortunately, Starfleet—the beacon of hope and progressiveness in science fiction—is unwilling to make accommodations for Ash Tyler and other personnel suffering from PTSD. They’d rather pull them from duty and put them out of sight so they won’t inconvenience anyone.

Instead of giving viewers an example of how the crew came together to support Tyler as a person suffering from trauma-based symptoms, the writers chose to put the burden of Tyler’s suffering squarely on his shoulders. With this choice, they heavily implied that people with PTSD are not capable of contributing to Starfleet and must be set aside until they’re “better.” THIS IS HARMFUL REPRESENTATION.

As someone who has personally experienced multiple mental disabilities, two of which are chronic and a third of which is trauma-based, it makes me wonder... would I have a place in Starfleet? Based on what I’ve seen in Star Trek: Discovery, my answer is no. I am not welcome to contribute to their so-called utopia.

Not at all.

If you want to support positive representations of mental disability in Star Trek, please tell them. Share this blog post on Twitter and tag their official accounts, or just tweet them your own thoughts about how their portrayals of psychiatric symptoms and healthcare are hurtful to you or your loved ones. If enough fans give them constructive feedback about this issue, they’ll listen. Thank you. Good health and stay safe.

[the-uptake]

The Uptake, The world was beginning to fluoresce into wounds. 0|0|1|-, Prologue. It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood.

It only stopped raining an hour ago. A handful of select CERCLIS staff, many of whom had half-stripped out of their neon yellow hazmat suits, lined up behind their leadership, awaiting further instruction in the intersection of a Level 0 street halted by media equipment, portable construction lights, and vehicles. One of the employees had not removed his suit, with unusual violet straps taping together every major seam, and more noticeably the hood he kept drawn was missing a visor shield altogether. He fidgeted in place. Galen had been requested to accompany Bensington today, but the one-eyed metahuman hadn’t expected his day off to go anything like this. There would be a billion Web eyes on him and he loathed the very idea of it.

Somehow, when the boom mic and reporter approached Bensington, and not him, it only unnerved him further. The heavyset Indian woman had removed her hood, and she checked the integrity of her snood-bun, while a makeup artist scrutinized the lavender eyeshadow which streaked uniformly from her orbits out to her temples. The camera lead gave her the green light, and they began.

“We’re speaking today with Yvpraksya Bensington, the regional executive for the Northeast and New England branches of the EPA.”

“Thank you, Alex. As many of you have come to know in the past few months,” Bensington announced, shoulders square but calm, “Tri-City’s foundations are slurrying. Seventy years or more of illicit disposal of industrial chemicals has resulted in the pollutants supersaturating the soil of Level 0. Investigations punctuate that the dumping evidence runs rampant throughout all levels which fall below city limits.”

“Miss Bensington, you said the foundations are slurrying. Does that mean you believe that Tri-City will get shorter?”

"The EPA has already launched remediation efforts to prevent it. We want to keep Level 24′s Mile High Club mile-high, don’t we?” She paused to smile at her own whimsy. “Since April, we’ve surveyed the extent of the damages wrought by improper disposal of these poisonous, highly reactive chemicals, in particular Wolfrin--ironically, the organochlorine responsible for much of fusion cities’ capacity for upward sprawl. Construction companies are estimated to be at fault for a majority of the chemical presence in the soil. We’re doing what we can to slow the chemical reactions with other wastes present in the Stalkers’ Quarter’s stalking yards.”

“The stalking yards are the city’s largest concentration of landfill plots. What does the sustained presence of the EPA in Levels 0 to 3 mean for the city?”

“Not to worry. E-cycling will not halt during this crisis. There is no threat to human life, so long as appropriate caution is taken. Our remediation efforts for this Super Fund will not impact city life, though it is strongly advised that citizens not sight-see the disaster and respect quarantine lines. The Agency can and will defend the quarantine by force. These chemicals are highly dangerous, and we can’t have trespassers distracting our cleanup efforts.”

“What is the EPA doing to, well, remediate?”

“We are isolating the contaminated soil, as well as separating solid from semi-solid and liquid wastes. Several sites have required the excavation of buried drums of waste. We’re neutralizing a majority of the waste on site. Cleanup requires extensive equipment and labor. In addition to the dozens of engineers and environmental technicians we have at our employ, we also have a specialist on site.”

“Miss Bensington, is that the specialist there, behind you?”

When the crowd of reporters clamored, Galen flinched to stand straighter, but he couldn’t help but turn his face from the camera lens. Bensington glowered at the reporter for putting so much focus on someone besides herself unrehearsed, and they pulled back to her. She cleared her throat and crossed her arms.

“--We have the finest on hand for this monumental undertaking. Our methods may prove a bit unorthodox, but the potential for catastrophe demands it. You can put your trust in the EPA to control and backpedal any damages irresponsible dumping may have done to this illustrious city. And I promise this city: I’ll get to the bottom of this myself, and locate as many perpetrators as I can. Good day.”

Bensington shooed the media cameras with an angry fat lip, and she pulled Galen along with her by the arm.

“Forgive them,” she started, walking briskly enough that he struggled to match her gait. “They’re scrabbling for any mote of interest. You stood out because you’re comfortable in your suiting.”

“S’the only clothes that really work anymore, Miz Benz. Y’know that--”

They stepped into an alleyway, so the leaden-pale ghoul could bestill himself.

“I apologize that you had to spend your day off this week doing something so... uncomfortable. I know you’ve never been too sociable. I appreciate you attending with me. I wanted my best represented.”

His immediate compulsion was to deflect the compliment, but he caught himself and replied with a self-conscious smile which she mirrored with a genuine one.

“I know there’s more going on with you than simple stage fright. I’ve had the impression that you’ve adjusted pretty well to your position with us. We’ve outfitted you with clothing tailored to your unique physiology, scheduled you according to your limitations, and arranged housing for you on Level 8. Be honest with me, Galen. Do we need to further adjust your accommodations? Just say the word and it’s yours.”

“I... i, i, it’s not just the things y’done for me. Y’already do so much.” He gnashed his teeth a spell, not making eye contact. “Y’said e-cyclin’s gonna continue unhindered. The EPA hasn’t shut down more than three yards at once, t’my knowledge. An’ you’n me both knows just how dangerous Wolfrin is. But... what I, I--” He flinched and flared his nostrils at himself, “tryin’ t’say is... the stulkers not been evacuated yet.”

Warmth filled her face while she formed a response.

“The Stalkers’ Quarter is one of Tri-City’s largest landfills. CTMHW prevents any fusion city from outsourcing disposal to nearby cities. And Tri-City accepts wastes from adjacent non-fusion cities. We can’t halt waste procedures in the entire metropolitan area just because this one landfill sector’s soil is leaching.”

Galen could feel a flush cross his face, and he backpedaled to a previous topic.

“...Forget me mentionin’ it. Th, there is the one thing y’could do for me, since y’mention it. Y’got me set up with a serial an’ a cred account an’ all that... but besides buyin’ my own groceries, dunno how ta be a Leveler. Used t’read a ton before all this happened. Told that ta the Fultonites an’ they brought me a reader. Y’can pro’lly guess ‘bout how long that lasted. Used t’read physical copies, back before all this. Lotta the books, I, I fished outta the yards myself. Sides that, Pretty much lived in the school library back when I, I-- was still goin’. Hopin’ maybe... maybe you’d get me a library card? For Central? Always wanted t’be able t’borrow somethin’ from Central.”

“You need enrichment. Entertainment. Of course. And you’re worried your habituations would risk any technology that came into your possession. Paper products aren’t among your nutritive sources, nor have I really noticed you crave it... If you’re confident you’ll be comfortable with a physical copy, then consider it done. I’ll call my contact at Central and have it arranged this afternoon.”

He hadn’t expected her to agree so readily, and his jaw slacked.

“Thanks, Miz Benz. Y’got no idea how much it means t’me.”

“Is there anything else? You’re doing so well with the Golbrook site. I’d love to honor your hard work with a little token of gratitude.”

His eye widened, and in one stunned motion he pushed his hood back to run his gloved hand over his slicked undercut.

“...Really, the library card’s huge. But if y’willin’ to negotiate the rules... Maybe ya’d lemme keep another... say, five pounds a copper? Been distractin’ myself in my apartment with lots a art. Gettin’ pretty good at it, to be fair.”

Bensington chuckled, relishing the notion he had begun purposing his sweat toward learning how to sculpt with it.

“You’re currently allotted a hundred pounds, correct? One-oh-five doesn’t seem unreasonable. That’s fine. I’ll notify the CERCLIS supervisor you’re working with this week.”

“Really, gosh, you’re the best. If a body’d told me workin’ for the city’d be anything as gracious as this, would’a been with it from the start!”

“I’m a rare employer, and you’re an even rarer employee. You wouldn’t find a better job arrangement than you have with the EPA.”

“--With you. I’ve. I. I got trouble talkin’ with the sup’s y’got me under. Nothin’ ‘gainst ‘em but... you. You listen. Really listen. Y’get it. Get me.”

She glanced to her reader, then returned it to her pocket.

“Well, right now, if that’s all we needed to discuss, what I’ve got is an appointment I have to be getting to. If you think of anything else, don’t hesitate to communicate with me, all right? You’ll be transferring to your next site by next week. I’ll speak with you again when I liaison for you.”

“Hope it goes smooth,” he thanked sheepishly.

“As do I, your week.” She patted him on the shoulder, and started back to the media circus. “Enjoy the library. I’ll ping you when your account’s live.”

He waved her off, smiling strangely to himself, then excused himself as well. He passed the cred-chip embedded in the wrist of his left glove over the payment node when he loaded into the public lift back up to Level 3, and got more comfortable in the back corner of the car by rolling his coat down to his waist, affixing it with a reflective belt-and-brace harness he produced from an inner pocket. Beneath his gear, he wore a taut high-collar black compression top. He kept on his long black waxed leather work gloves. With a snuffle of the air, he snorted in nuisance that he could smell the product in his hair.

The EPA dress code regulation hadn’t required that he cut his hair, but they had insisted that he style the long part such that the undercut didn’t hang in his face.

As he switched off from the lift to a bus, he resolved to buy a tube of hair gel just to satisfy the desire to suck it out of his locks. He softened at the idea of deviating from his typical shopping list, and busied his mind enumerating all ilk of his comfort foods. By the time he let off at Level 8, he was whistling to himself.

“Miz Benz was right. Should treat myself. Gonna get the good weight oil today.”

[cactigratitudelove]

Empire State of Mind

Sometimes darkness comes in the form of exhaustion, insomnia and small spaces with low lighting. It comes with being surrounded by thousands daily on your commute and feeling the most alone you've felt in such a long time. 

And by you, I mean, me. 

Small amounts of darkness that trickle through mostly well lit areas. Causing the fear that past depression experiences will take over the transition I am currently in. 

Patience.

I wait. I am strong. I have family, friends, and support. I am loved, missed and wanted. I am appreciated. I am grateful. I am humbled. 

Anxiety, depression, and darkness does not care for gratitude. It thrives on those little chemical thoughts of fear and the lowest part of the struggle. It is the back and forth of guilt and shame. It’s the back and forth of figuring out the difference between the two and thinking I ‘should’ know. 

It’s the knowing that I ‘shouldn't’ use the word ‘should.’

It’s the comparison that kills the creative sparks and joy in being a creative. It’s the realization that I am a cliché. It’s the realization that my lovely little cacti city and home did not prepare me for the culture shock of areas in my own country. It’s trying not to be #yesallmen over #metoo.  I love you B. 

“Woke” on the West Coast is certainly different from “woke” on the East Coast. Race. Religion. Gender. Sex. Diversity. I have so much more to learn. 

Mindful.

Thoughts upon thoughts. Written down on morning pages. The guilt for not doing my morning pages everyday. Satisfaction for when they do get done. The shame over not using the tools I know that I know how to utilize. Gratefulness for when I do use them.

Not good enough. Not authentic enough. Not talented enough. Not woke enough. Not Eco-Friendly enough. Not Mexican enough. Not white enough. Not Political enough. Not active enough. 

Enough. 

Morningside in West Harlem is a gorgeous place to live. Lower East Side is a fun ass place to work. Trains ‘D’ & ‘A’ are the quickest. The ‘1′ train is safer after 2am but takes longer. Did you know pepper spray can only be bought in the city with a license? You can not ship mace to NYC.  

I’m currently on that New York Diet: A third floor walk up, walking commutes, bagel & Lox... oh and coffee. Lots of coffee. No one said it was a healthy diet. 

Pizza rat. It’s a thing. Summer in the subway is truly hell but City Mappers is a god send. Reading on the train helps avoid eye contact with unwanted interactions while also giving time to finally finishing a book for once. “Fuck Politeness!”-MFM. 

Sharing a Lyft with a stranger saves you money and can be the most quiet commute of your life. Brooklyn is the hip and artsy place to be. Gentrification. It’s a thing-Harlem is “Up and Coming.” Astoria is the safest. Chelsea for the galleries. High Art vs. Low Art. Avoid Time Square in every way possible.  A jog in central park. Thoughts of Korey Wise, Kevin Richardson, Antron McCray, Yusef Salaam, and Raymond Santana. Thoughts of Trisha Meili. Thoughts of those who've jogged these paths before me and the history I have yet to know. 

New York based sitcoms and shows are relatable AF but will never truly capture the heart and soul of the city. AND, one hundred percent, won't tell you the truth about New York apartments and boroughs... Hannah Horvath lied to us all millennial non-New Yorkers. Hashtag white privilege. 

I think Abbi and Ilana speak the closest truth. Maybe. Yass Kweeeen! 

I’d be down for a more diverse New Yorker show... Just sayin.’ 

I’d be down for more diverse shows in general... Also, just sayin’

Beauty. Essex. Delancey. F,M, and J Trains. Champagne brunch. Live saxophones. Go-go dancers. “Any Allergies or any dietary restrictions?” Darwinism? L.E.S. (That's short for Lower East Side-New Yorkers love their acronyms.) “Put a pep in your fucking step!” Being in the weeds at a top restaurant in NYC is no where near being in the weeds at a mom and pop. Family meal is questionable today. And tomorrow. 

“Ryan, are you like my ‘Simone?’” The book Sweet Bitter is relatable in more ways than one. I love my day job. Grateful for sobriety. Grateful for Sobriety in L.E.S. My younger self in NYC would have been a shit show. I was a shit show. There are other people in NYC that are sober! Who’d-a thought! P.S. Sobriety doesn't mean greens are off the table. Why isn't it legal here yet? Progressive much, New York? I love sleep.

Dog walkers are honestly, truly the best sight to see. My heart. It grows. Every time.

“You work hard for the American dream?”

Far Rockaway Beach isn’t really that far. Take the ‘A’ for a quick getaway. "You’re from Jersey City?” Googles: “Where is Jersey City?” Amtrak gets you to New Hampshire in five hours. A five hour work day on the train is sometimes better than two hours in some coffee shops in Manhattan. NH is beautiful in the summer. Cooler. In-person friendship is beautiful for the soul.  Ponds are the size of lakes. I’m from the desert, how am I suppose to know the difference? New England is patriotic As Fuck. Can’t wait to see the fall foliage. Apparently it is definitely a thing.

Rejuvenation.

Note to self: A quick trip out of the city is required for mental hygiene. A dose of nature, occasional hugs, and laughter is highly recommended for future survival in the concrete jungle. 

Hopeful.

My ducks are in a row. My planner is filling up with hope. My hustle is real. Society of Illustrators hasn't changed since my visit in 2015. My personal projects are visualizing, slowly but surely. Asana and Ink & Volt keep me organized. Being vulnerable has helped me start connecting. Connections help motivate. Motivation keeps me creating. But, like, also... Sometimes you just gotta fucking do it. 

Belonging.

Naive at thirty-three. The city has made me see how young I must seem to others. My reactions and the way I think. The experiences I thought gave me a proper age have proven that I still have more to explore. I feel nerdy. I feel out of place. I feel like an outsider. I feel young. I feel like I don’t belong. Sometimes. And then I do. Then I feel at home. 

“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” -Brené Brown

In the moment of loss, I found the way to find self-acceptance, again. It’s a journey. Didn’t they tell you? Transitions are funny that way. They question who you are and why this change was so important even when you thought you already knew all the answers.

Cacti, Love and Gratitude.

Therapy. “Scheduling before shit hits the fan?” Woah, that sounds way too healthy. “But, you’re right. Wednesday session, three weeks from now?” 

I have a day job. I have a roof over my head. I have reactivated the reason I travelled across country to be in a city that tells it like it is and has a lot of rats to race. It’s gonna be almost three months. Apparently, I am right on schedule.

I am the cliché. 

The little light I do have that seeps through the one window in my closet sized room that faces another wall, surprisingly, now gives me hope. This first New Yorker’s apartment with four other roommates has finally shown it’s charm. Or maybe I have lightened up to see what charm it had all along. 

-A

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.” -Brené Brown

[marchersamuelsen50-blog]

Motorsport Supervisor Assessment.

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