#How to deal with Marijuana Addiction

[konigsblog]

stoner simon?? STONER SIMON???

CW: PORN LINK, MENTIONS OF WEED AND DRUG DEALING, INTOXICATION. 18+

stoner-simon riley who gets his sweet girlfriend high, just so you're pliant and obedient, spreading your soft thighs so eagerly, just for simon and allowing him to flip you around and onto your stomach, his calloused and large hand nestled in your hair, whilst he forces your tight ass up in the air.

the thought of him rutting his slicken, throbbing cock into a little thing like you, the smell of marijuana thick, sticking to your sweaty skin as he holds your face down into the bedsheets, slamming his muscular and broad hips against your rear ‘til you're wailing and mewling through the ache of his hard, veiny shaft fucked deep inside your drooling cunt.

each prominent vein on his shaft grinds against your gummy insides, feeling how fleshy and soft you are – how tight you are when your puffy folds are latching onto his meaty girth, taking each inch with drool spilling from your swollen lips.

you can smell the smoke coming from simon, holding a cigarette between his teeth, grunting and huffing and puffing as he takes long drags, the smell of the thick, tobacco cloud assaulting your nostrils, his eyebrows furrowed as your walls pulsate and clutch onto him. you whine for more in that comforting, sweet voice that simon has gotten familiar with – the voice he gets off to like a perverted loser, listening to your desperate pleas for more, as the head of his leaking dick rubs against your gummy cervix, pre dripping from his sensitive, thick tip like a faucet.

your face is a complete mess; mascara smeared down your wet cheeks, and your lips coated in drool, mixed with your tears. your body longs for more of simon's roughness and cruelty, giggling stupidly and biting your bottom lip – enough to draw blood – when he holds your hips with a firm grasp, sinking even deeper inside of you, his fingernails bound to leave indents along your thighs from his achingly tight grasp.

he grabs a firm grasp on your jaw as you're forced to look at him over your shoulder, maintaining eye contact with simon as he smears the crimson down your chin, dripping from your bottom, cut lip.

you're addicted – to the feeling of his fat, heavy balls against your cunt, smacking against your pussy with each brutal thrust, his pace increasing as you moan out, broken cries for more and more, a greedy mess waiting for your desired orgasm.

[rhysazriel]

Smoke & Light: Part 1 [Plug!Az]

SUMMARY: Your ex-boyfriend gives you his dealers number, but you don’t expect for him to be so fine. And you certainly don’t expect him to be so goddamn flirty. (3.4k)

WARNINGS: descriptions and dealings of recreational drugs (weed), little bit of swearing, slight sexual themes and lots of shameless flirting. THIS IS A MODERN AU!!

A/N: the first part is here and I’m so excited!! Im still unsure how many parts this is going to be, but there’s a lot I want to happen in this series so probably (I’m guessing!!) six or seven, but we’ll see!! Anyway, I hope you enjoy <3

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Your patience was wearing thin. Very fucking thin. Those three grey dots mocked you as they bubbled at the bottom of the screen—disappearing and reappearing again—until they were replaced with another less than satisfying message.

Brandon: are you taking the piss? Why didn’t you just ask when you were here earlier?

You scanned the message over, swallowing back the groan at the idea of another potential argument. You needed to nip his attitude in the bud, you weren’t entertaining his bullshit anymore. Gnawing at the inside of your cheek, your fingers quickly typed a response.

You: I didn’t realise I was out until I got home. Can you get any or not? Just lmk

The dots appeared again after a few moments of silence, and you prepared yourself for the snarky remark he was most likely to give you, and took a deep breath to compose yourself in advance.

Brandon: no. I can’t get you any. Sort it out yourself for once.

There was no way in Hell you were going to let your frustrations show. Despite the pure anger and annoyance that began to bubble even more within you.

Brandon could be a lot of things. A liar. A cheat. And a fucking asshole. In all honestly, the only thing he was truly good for was the occasional above par fuck and the fact that his dealer had the best weed you’d ever smoked.

But when they were the only two good things he had going for him, it was hard to justify the disgusting behaviour he showed throughout almost your entire relationship. You broke up every few weeks as it was, but if you’d known about the cheating before, you would’ve left for good sooner.

Instead, you found out a year and half into the relationship, coming to the deafening conclusion that he had, in fact, never been faithful for a single moment of his adult life.

Fuck him. And fuck his shit sex. The weed, you could get yourself.

You: lmao ok. What’s his number?

A heartbeat after he read the text, he was calling you. And the moment you answered the call, he was his usual, un-charming self.

“What the fuck do you mean what’s his number?”

“Hello to you, too.” You murmured, tucking yourself under the blanket on your couch.

His clipped tone didn’t startle you, didn’t worry you about any form of consequences. He wasn’t scary, even when he tried to be. He was just a douche.

“What do you mean what’s his number?” He repeated himself, that agitation growing thicker and thicker with every word he spoke.

“How else am I supposed to get any?”

“Find your own dealer.”

He was being bitter now, pathetically so. You picked at the aged edges of your book, a novel you’d read five times over but one you couldn’t get enough of. Your love for it could be seen by the fading print of the front cover and the severely broken spine—despite how careful you tried to be with your readings.

“Brandon, I’m not going to find a random dealer. Your Azriel guy has good stuff and I know it’s safe. Besides, me going to the same person as you is not going to affect you in any way.”

He was silent for a moment, mulling over your words. Despite his dreadful personality and lack of love and care and compassion, he knew how little you knew about marijuana. He was the one that taught you to roll, after all.

You’d barely smoked before you met him, and on the rare occasions you did get high, it was usually in the form of gummy edibles your friends had. And you weren’t addicted or reliant on it in any way. You just enjoyed a smoke every now and then if you’d had a long day.

Alcohol had never been your favourite, and you much preferred to feel the chilled buzz from a joint than cradle a hangover for two days after a soirée.

“Fine. I’ll text you his number. Say Marco gave it to you, it’s a code he made up—had cops on him a while ago. He can be a bit of an ass, don’t let him shit talk you. Ask for a 3.5, he usually charges 40 for it. It’ll last you a couple weeks unless you’re planning on smoking heavy.”

It was easy to be pulled back in when he was like that. When he did the bare minimum of offering advice on things he knew you weren’t too sure on. But you were better than that now, smarter. You weren’t going to fall back into your old ways again.

Not with him. Not with anyone.

“I’m not. Thank you.”

The line went dead as soon as the words left your mouth and a few moments later, he texted you Azriel’s number. You would’ve appreciated a reminder of what you were supposed to ask for but at least you got his number. Small wins. You weren’t his responsibility anymore.

It took you a few minutes to figure out what to say, your fingers hovering over the keyboard as you typed and erased, typed and erased. Until you settled on ‘Is this Azriel?’ and finally sent the message.

Ten minutes passed and you didn’t get a response. Your nose was tucked back into your romance novel as you chewed on the drawstring of your hoodie. In all honesty, you could’ve quite easily slipped into a peaceful slumber under the warm golden glow of your lamps.

That was another thing Brandon couldn’t respect. Your No Main Light rule. The vibes were always immaculate with gentle warmth from lamps. The main light was not allowed on under any circumstances. You much preferred the cosy feeling of golden hues that accentuated the deep green leaves of your plants and vines that scattered the walls and crevices of your home.

Your phone chimed from your lap, a small surge of anxiety pulsing in your chest. You unlocked the screen and read over the message.

Azriel: depends who’s asking.

Ah, Brandon did warn you. You considered fucking the whole idea off. Maybe cracking open a bottle of wine and snuggling on the couch with a book or tv show would be better than having to meet this asshole, but the bottle of White Zinfandel wouldn’t give you the mellow buzz you wanted.

Not unless you had at least four glasses which was usually paired with a hangover the next day. Something you did not want to entertain. So, you bit the bullet and typed your reply.

You: y/n, got your number from Marco. You about?

The more you let your mind wander, the more you realised how little you knew. You had no clue how this sort of thing worked. Would he come to you? Your home? Would you meet at a location of his choice? Or would he just stash the weed somewhere for you to collect and you don't cross paths at all?

But the burning fire of the what-if anxiety was quickly trampled and extinguished when another text came through and instead of him deciding for you, you were given choices.

Azriel: sure, I can meet you at old tower in 20 if that’s good for you? If not I can drop to your location.

He didn’t seem as much of an ass now. No, quite the opposite. But you supposed that offer was something he probably gave to all new, female clients. If he truly was an ass or not, you couldn’t fault him for the consideration.

Old Tower was the old old watermill tucked slightly away in the centre of the city. It had been derelict for years, but due to its location—so close to all the necessities and right opposite the police station—no one ever tried to break in or set it alight like the many other derelict listed buildings had been in the past.

Even now, at almost midnight, that part of the city would still be bustling with city-natives and tourists alike. And you appreciated the safe and public meeting spot he suggested.

You: old tower in 20 is fine.

As quickly as you sent the message, you received another reply. A text describing his blue Mustang and his licence plate. You shook the nerves off as soon as they came. Azriel was respectful and well known. He dealt to make his money and that was that.

But the facts didn’t stop you from sharing your location with Brandon just in case, nor did it stop you from double checking you still had your little pepper spray clipped to your keychain.

The walk to the Old Tower wasn’t a bad one. There were many ways you could access it, most of them leading you through the city, but here were a few that hid you behind back roads and alleyways—those were routes you never took. Not on your own and certainly not in the middle of the night.

The air was still a bit sticky from the summer heat, and while the denim shorts you wore kept your body cool, you were grateful you kept on your hoodie—just that extra layer that protected your arms and shoulders from the chill of the breeze that your legs never seemed to experience.

It didn’t take long for you to reach the Old Tower, and it took even less time to spot the electric blue 2022 Ford Mustang. Small tufts of white smoke emitted from the exhaust as it sat in its standstill, headlights facing the opposite direction of what you came in, but you could still hear the engine humming from your short distance away.

You double checked the licence plate to the number Azriel texted you, and slowly made your way closer. While you didn’t know much about drop offs, deals, and weed in general, you did know the unspoken rules of picking up. And if you were picking up from someone in a vehicle, most people got inside for a few minutes before leaving.

Azriel must’ve noticed you from the rear view mirror because just as you approached the back of the car, the passenger door opened wide, inviting you in. You sucked in a breath but accepted the invitation, keeping your eyes forward as you settled into the warmth of the leather seat and closed the door shut.

You finally let your body shift and your eyes met his. And you were fucking done for.

You’d never seen a man so strikingly fucking beautiful before. He was tall, lean and muscular and oozed pure sex and charisma. Tan, golden skin and dark, luscious hair that swept loosely down his forehead and curled gently around the tops of his ears.

His face was chiselled not too sharply, a subtle gentleness to the stark contrast of the cold, brooding aura he carried. And those eyes. Christ, those fucking eyes. Hazel iris’ that dripped with a golden hue of honey.

You swallowed down the dry lump in your throat and willed your lips to part so you could finally speak. “Thank you for meeting me so late.”

And Azriel was absolutely hooked.

When you’d texted barely thirty minutes ago, he did not expect to be meeting with someone so fucking gorgeous. Your soft hair was twisted in a loose braid that hung over your shoulder, wayward strands having fallen from the updo and framing your face mesmerizingly.

Your eyes were the most captivating thing he’d ever seen; rich in colour and wide with slight anxiety, despite the sleepiness he could slightly notice beneath them. Your voice sounded like a fever dream. It wasn’t sickly sweet like most women he knew or dealt to. Perhaps it was just the sleep, but there was a rasp—a very slight ruggedness—in your tone and Azriel was certain he’d never heard something quite so sensual in his life.

He cleared his throat, that all too cheeky grin teetering on the corners of his mouth. “I was already out,” he shrugged, nonchalantly. “How much are you after?”

His voice was a perfect blend of sweet and rough. A deep depth to his tone that skipped hand-in-hand with a sweeter note. God, he was unreal, and the sound of him had you forgetting entirely what exactly Brandon told you to ask for.

You pulled your lips between your teeth and offered a very sheepish—but mostly embarrassed—smile. “Um… I’m sorry,” you found yourself apologising for the second time tonight. “My ex used to do this part, so I have no idea how this works.”

You couldn’t help the flush that rose to your cheeks at your own admission, couldn’t handle being the subject of his firm gaze, and you absolutely could not fucking handle the soft rumble of rich laughter that chuckled through him.

“Do you smoke a lot?” Azriel finally asked, a slightly amused smile on those full lips of his. His pink tongue swiped out to wet them and your heart thundered against your ribcage at the sight.

“Not really,” you cleared your throat. “Just every now and then. Semi-regularly, I guess.” There was no such thing as semi-regularly when it came to drugs and alcohol. To someone’s own self, sure. But not the general mass that consumed whatever it was they did.

Some considered three joints a day ‘semi-regular’, while others considered it as a joint every few days. Azriel had a feeling you were the latter, but he didn’t say anything about his thoughts or what you’d said.

Instead, he hummed and chewed at the inside of his cheek in thought. He wasn’t laughing at you or your lack of knowledge or understanding. Usually, he’d have kicked a new client out of his car by now and told them to figure it out on their own—he was a dealer, not a fucking private tutor—but with you, he didn’t seem to mind explaining or breaking things down so it was easier to understand.

Neither of you quite understood why he was happy to explain, but you didn’t complain. You’d much prefer this than the alternative version of him that you’d been warned about.

“A 3.5 would probably be best for you, then.” He decided.

Yes, a 3.5… that sounded very familiar. You nodded, slowly, considering your next words carefully. You had already disclosed the most embarrassing part of not having a fucking clue how this worked, one more probably wouldn’t hurt, would it?

“This is going to sound absolutely ridiculous,” you chuckled nervously, scratching at the nape of your neck. “But can you break that down in joint terms?”

Azriel laughed again, softer this time, through a breath. It was odd, really. He wasn’t laughing to be cruel or to embarrass you further. It seemed to you that perhaps he found it endearing—your innocence on the matter—and maybe, just maybe, you reminded him of himself when he too at one point, had no idea either.

“It depends on how strong you have them. Do you smoke blunts or just joints?”

Your eyes widened animatedly. “God, no. Just joints. I think a blunt might wipe me out.”

A glint of warmth and light fluttered through his eyes for a split second. “So, a 3.5 would get you like seven joints.”

“Yeah, that would last me like a week, two weeks.” You nodded. “I’ll have a 3.5 then, thank you.”

Azriel hummed in agreement, and it was only when he reached for the centre console and flipped open a compartment that you saw his hands. His golden skin was marred beyond belief, etched in burns and an array of pigmented colours. Your stomach lurched at the sight. Not from fear or pity or disgust, no. Your stomach twisted in agony, your brain couldn’t comprehend a reason for scars like that.

You looked away as quickly as you clocked them, not wanting to stare and not wanting him to notice. You supposed he was used to lingering gazes, but you would not be a name added to that list of people.

Azriel did nothing but make you feel comfortable in the brief few minutes of meeting one another. He was kind enough to not laugh in your face and kick you out of his car after your admittance. You were not about to make him feel uncomfortable either.

He pulled out a small plastic baggie stuffed to the brim with forest green nuggets and handed it to you between two scarred, pinched fingers. You took it gratefully, a full and genuine smile on your lips now as you thanked him, reaching into the back pocket of your denim shorts for the cash.

“Did you want me to roll them for you, too?” Azriel’s teasing voice dripped with sarcasm and your eyes snapped to him with a stern look. “‘Cause that’ll cost you extra.”

“I know how to roll, thank you.” You bit back, and while your voice and tone held all the conviction, the amused glint in your eye and the corners of your mouth told him he hadn’t offended you in the slightest.

“It’s twenty-five.” Azriel chuckled from beside you.

Your brows furrowed as you pulled out two twenty’s, meeting his gaze again. “Isn’t it usually like forty?”

The air now smelt of that tangy, vile scent, something that you don’t think you’d ever get used to. Or enjoy. He shrugged, flipping down the lid of the compartment between you. “You’re a new client.”

You raised a brow now, a taunting smirk creeping at the corner of your mouth. “Do you always undercharge new clients, then?”

Azriel liked you. Very much. You didn’t shy away or hide your personality from him, even after only knowing one another for barely an hour in total. He had a feeling he was barely scraping the surface.

He matched your stare, only he wasn't teasing. “Only the pretty ones.”

There was no hiding the heat that crawled up your neck and sat heavy on your cheeks. It had been a long while since you received a genuine compliment. Let alone one so forward and from someone so unexpected. You averted your gaze from him, looking at the two twenty’s in your hand. Raising them, you pursed your lips.

“I only have two twenty’s on me. So you may as well take the full forty.”

Azriel didn’t listen. Instead, he pinched one note from your hand, his skin brushing yours but you didn’t falter, didn’t shy away. He was warm, and despite the scars and marred skin, his skin was softer than you expected.

You huffed, not ungrateful for the discount but this was his livelihood and taking away from that felt wrong to you.

“Let me know when you’re out.”

You smiled appreciatively and nodded, stuffing the bag and cash into your hoodie pocket and reaching for the door handle. “I will. Nice to meet you, Azriel.”

He watched you climbed out of the car, offering another warm smile as the cooler evening air kissed at his skin. He wanted to ask how you were getting home, if you’d be walking alone or if you needed a ride. But Azriel couldn’t cross those lines, especially not with someone he only just met.

So he bit his tongue and prayed to the Mother above to get you home safely. “You too, Y/N.”

He started up the engine again as soon as the door closed, but he didn’t drive away. He watched you through the rear view mirror until you were out of sight and when he finally looked down, he found his jeans tight around his crotch and a painful erection.

“Fuck.”

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If you enjoyed it, please give it a like and reblog and let me know what you thought!! Thank you for reading <3

Smoke & Light ONLY Tags

@smalljasper289 / @sttvrdustt

Azriel Tags

@serxndipity-ipity-blog / @erencvlt / @azswife / @lili-of-the-wildfire / @dreaming-unafraid / @dr4g0ngirl / @coconut-dreamz

[mistressmalicer]

i was gonna wait til i had my Sadness, Joy and Anxiety drawn to post this but im impatient!!!

ive seen some people designing their own personal versions of the emotions so im gonna do that!!! This is my personal Ennui 💜 she has a bit more Lore that ill throw beneath a cut :)

Ennui is typically inebriated with a marijuana - type substance, as a distraction from her chronic and crushing sense of apathy and emptiness. She was introduced early in life, and in Joy's opinion, WAY too early. She has a contentious yet cordial relationship with Joy, who she replaced as emotion leader at a young age. A lot was happening in those days, too much for a child to handle, so a large degree of detachment was needed to handle it. However, her early pairing with Sadness and Anxiety thanks to a rough childhood created a dynamic that pushed Joy almost completely out of the way, and Ennui became the unwitting spearhead of a developing borderline personality disorder. Taking on a lot of these effects, she is often very apathetic and unenthusiastic, still addicted to her phone but also using more adult means of distraction ( smoking, drinking ) . They are responsible for massive early memory loss ; this was something they and Joy begrudgingly agreed on in an attempt to salvage the Sense of Self when trauma became an overwhelming issue in the teen years. Joy still has never forgiven them for this act, even if it was deemed necessary... Mostly because most of those early memories are the ones when Joy was still the leader, for the brief time she was able to be.

They have a very aloof and unapproachable personality, with morbid ideals and questionable self worth that directly effects the person they care for. They refuse to step down after nearly 20+ years of being the leader, and not that they want to be, but because they believe everything will crumble without their hand on the wheel. She has a romantic relationship with Sadness, who is equally too involved in the emotional state of their host. The two of them create a very prominent joint component of the borderline personality disorder, even if they don't mean to -- they have known and worked with each other for nearly their entire lives, so it only made sense that they would become so close. Unbeknownst to most others, she deals with passive suicidal ideation, and thinks about it as often as she breathes, but tells no one, believing that talking about how she feels is a waste of time when she could just smoke and sleep it away.

She smells like nag champa incense and orchids, and she is represented by grunge fashion, and doom / sludge metal music.

[oncillabrigade]

It is time. I am going to share the stupidest headcanon I have. You have no say in the matter, sorry.

2 Unlimited voice: Y'all ready for this?

Jason Peter "Edgelord" Todd-Wayne smokes exclusively prop cigarettes.

Here's my reasoning, such as it is:

Jason smoking when he's back from the dead has never sat right with me. This is a kid who was given a second lease on life and who watched addicts around him die at a young age. And, like, I get the thought process that he's dealing with both PTSD and CPTSD, and he has a genetic predisposition towards addiction plus had Bruce's addictive and obsessive behavior modeled for him. And yet...

IDK. Maybe it's just because I'm projecting as someone with that same genetic factor who looked at addictive substances as a kid and went "oh okay so science means I can never touch these." But does that not sound like something Jaylad would do? He's the worst in the family (imo) about absolutes/black-and-white thinking after Bruce.

However! He definitely does smoke. It bothers Bruce AND makes him look cool. So... what's the solution here?

Prop cigarettes.

You cannot tell me that Jason "Theater Kid" Todd would not think to himself, "hmmm how do I seem like a cool guy who smokes without doing it?" and doesn't immediately go "wait that's a solved problem lol, to the nearest costume store!"

Anyway, this is so stupid and so funny to me that I may have to write an entire fic about each family member finding out.

P.S. I feel like his desire to piss Bruce off with the cigarettes was balanced by his desire to not let Talia down by reducing his lung capacity so he compromised on being a drama ho. At least, that's his excuse for being one in this case.

P.P.S. He also vapes marijuana and carefully conceals that it's because he's been prescribed it for joint pain.

[loveesiren]

Doing It All For Us (Pt. 3)

Masterlist

Rafe Cameron x Reader

Summary: When Y/n's life is on the line, Rafe knows he has to tell her how he feels.

Warnings: Drugs, language, overdose, withdrawals, sobriety, California sober, using marijuana to help with withdrawals, seizure, addiction

Word Count: 5.7k+

"I haven't heard from him in two days, Court. That's weird, right?" You say into the phone as you pace your living room.

"I mean yeah it is but it's also Rafe." She responded.

"He always texts me back,"

"Look, try not to worry too much. He's probably just dealing with family shit. The Cameron's look well put together but they're not."

You sigh. "Okay, but if I don't hear from him in the morning I'm going over there."

"Deal. Until then, I have a present for you. Be over in 10." Courtney says, hanging up the phone before you can even answer.

You pace around your living room in a pair of panties and one of Rafe's old t-shirts he'd left at your house.

You pulled out your phone again and dialed your dads number. No answer, as usual. You opt to send him a text instead.

When will you be home next? Maybe we could grab dinner? Miss you.

You shut your phone off. Excited for Courtney to get there so you wouldn't be alone anymore. Rafe had dropped you off at your house, promising he'd see you the next day. You haven't heard from him since. You're so used to his presence. Almost dependent on it. Addicted.

You quickly poured out another line and railed it quickly, chasing it down with a shot of tequila. You cringed at the taste but relaxed feeling the substances take hold of your body.

Courtney finally knocked at your door and you were quick to answer it, throwing yourself into her arms.

"Hey," She chuckled as she wrapped her long arms around you. "You okay?"

You pulled back. "Yeah, just...stressed."

"Well stress no more!" She said as she skipped into your house, pulling her small back pack from her shoulders. "I got you something."

"What is it?"

She wiggles her eyebrows knowingly before pulling something from the small side pocket of her back pack. She held up a baggie with two colorful pills inside. "Ecstasy."

Your eyes widen and your lips follow. "No fucking way!"

"Yep! And not just any ecstasy..." She says. You wait impatiently for her reply. "Pink yin-yangs, baby!"

"Fuck, Court! Where did you find these?!"

"Fucked Barry for them," She shrugs. "He only had a couple. Didn't wanna give them up but I worked my fucking witchcraft pussy magic on him." She chuckles.

You run to her and hold her face between your hands, bringing her head down so you can kiss her face all over. "You're my favorite fucking slut!"

"I know," Courtney smiles. She take the pills out of the bag and drops one in your hand. "Cheers bitch!" She smirks.

"Bottoms up!" You said as you both pop the pills in your mouth and chase it with a shot to swallow.

----------------------------

You woke up on your kitchen floor next to Courtney. Her feet in your face and yours in hers.

"Fuck," You groaned as you tried to sit up. Courtney stirred next to you.

You heard a knock on your door.

"Who the fuck is that?" Courtney whined. You pulled yourself up on the counter, resting your chin on the marble as you stared at the front door.

"I don't know but I hope they go away." Your head was throbbing.

Another knock at the door. "Y/N!"

You knew that voice. "It's Rafe!" You said excitedly, standing up far too fast as you got dizzy and immediately fell to the floor. "Shit!" You decided to crawl your way to the door. When you finally reached it you leaned against it to get yourself up off the ground.

You finally unlocked the door and swung it open. The bright sun burned your eyes and you quickly shielded them. It took you a moment to adjust before you could clearly see Rafe standing on your porch. A duffle bag in his hand.

"Rafe!" You said excitedly as you stumbled in to him. His body was tense but he relaxed as he breathed in the smell of your shampoo. "Rafe, where the fuck have you been?!" You say as you pull away and push his shoulder.

Rafe looks down to his feet. "My uh...my dad kicked me out." He said, his voice almost breaking.

"Fuck..." You said. "Come in," You grabbed his wrist and pulled him inside.

"AaaahAAAHHH" You hear Courtney scream from the kitchen floor.

"Is everything okay?" Rafe asks.

"Yeah, we just got fucked up last night. I think she's dying." You chuckled.

Courtney finally made her way to her feet. "Hey Rafe," She said as she bent over and laid her skin against the cool countertop.

"Hey Court, you good?" He asked.

"Peachy!" She responded, giving him a thumbs up.

"Rafe, what happened?" You asked. You could see his eyes begin to water so you pulled him to the living room and sat him down on the cushion-less couch.

"Is that my shirt?" He asked as he took in all of you.

You chuckled. "Uh, yeah...I've been worried about you. I wanted to be close to you."

"I'm sorry, Y/N..."

"It's fine, just tell me what happened!"

Rafe sighed. "I tried to take the rest of the money I owed from my dad and he caught me. He fucking, like, disowned me!" He said as he pressed the base of his palms to his eyes and leaned back.

"Rafe," You began. "Why didn't you come to me? I could give you the money. We could go to Barry's right now. I'll pay him."

"No," He shook his head. "My dad paid him."

"Rafe..."

He toppled over into your lap and wrapped his hands around your waist as he sobbed into your stomach. You brought your hand up to rub his back.

"It's okay, Rafe. I promise it's okay. You can stay here as long as you need."

His breathing slowed as you trailed your fingers along his bicep.

"Have you slept?" You ask him.

He shakes his head. "Not really."

"Alright, we all need to sleep." You say as you stand up, bringing Rafe with you. "And then tonight, we'll invite Kelce and Top over and Court will make dinner." You smile.

Rafe smiles back at you.

"Court! Get your ass up, we're sleeping in my bed the rest of the day!" You yell.

"Fucking BET!" Court shouts as she runs to you.

You lead Courtney and Rafe upstairs. Courtney collapses on the left side of your bed. You pull the covers over her and climb in beside her, pulling her back against your front and playing with her long blonde locks.

Rafe hesitates.

"Come on," You insist as you reach out your hand to him, once again inviting him to your bed.

He comes over, crawling in on your right side and slipping an arm around your waist.

You felt so comforted between your two best friends. The last thing you felt before you drifted off to sleep was Rafe nuzzling into your hair, earning a smile from you.

___________________

"Wake up bitches!" Courtney screamed as she jumped up and down on your California king.

"Fuck, Court. What time is it?" You asked, rubbing your eyes. You could feel Rafe's arm grip you tighter.

"It's 6pm baby, time to fucking party!" She yelled. She had obviously had a few lines. "Top and Kelce are on their way over."

"Shit, okay." Feeling Rafe's body against yours made you not want to get up from this spot, like, ever. Drugs, alcohol, friends, could all wait. You just didn't want him to let go of you. "We'll be down in a minute, Court."

"Okay you freaky little love birds. Don't forget to wrap it up!" She yells as she leaves the room.

You flip her off.

"Has she always been this annoying?" Rafe mumbles against your shoulder.

"Absolutely. Since we were four." You chuckle.

"I never wanna get up,"

"Me either," You state. "But we can't keep our guests waiting." You say as you sit up.

"Our guests?" He asks.

"I mean yeah. You brought those fuckers into my life," You chuckle. "Plus you live here now."

His eyes sparkle and he smiles up at you. "You sure it's okay if I stay here for a while?"

"Rafe Cameron..." You bring your lips down to his ear. "You have been living here since the night we met."

_____________________

You and Rafe finally made your way downstairs. Kelce and Topper already had music blasting in the living room. You and Courtney sported the same look. Panties and an over-sized tee with messy hair to match. Glitter still on your face as always.

"Help me make dinner!" Courtney yelled to you as she slaved away over the stove.

"You know I can't cook, Court." You sighed.

"I'm gonna teach you!"

Rafe went and joined the guys in the living room.

"So you fucked her yet?" Kelce asked as soon as Rafe sat down.

"Don't be gross," Rafe spat.

"Rafe Cameron calling sex gross?" Topper asked. "That's a statement."

Rafe thought back to the conversation he overheard you and Courtney having. Virgin. The term was not something this island was used to.

"Man if you don't hop on that, I'm gonna shoot my shot." Kelce said.

"Shut the fuck up!" Rafe hissed.

Kelce held his hands up in defense. "Alright, alright! Mr. Whipped."

Rafe ignored him as he watched you and Courtney try to throw pieces of food into eachother's mouths. The way you moved and laughed was absolute art to him.

He liked Courtney. But he really liked the side of you that came out when you were with your best friend. Like nothing else in the world mattered. Pure bliss. And for that, he loved Courtney too. He would never get sick of watching you two dance on eachother and laugh at everything in the fucking world.

"He's drooling again," Topper laughed.

"Shut up, dude. Pour me a shot." Rafe finally said as he snapped out of his trance.

"Dinner's ready boys!" Courtney yelled.

You finished setting your dining room table. The one that hasn't been used since you moved in here.

"This smells fucking amazing," Topper said as he dashed into the room. Kelce and Rafe not far behind him.

Rafe went to the head of the table and pulled your chair out for you.

"Thank you," You smiled at him as you sat down.

"Of course, sweetheart." He said before sitting down next to you.

"Okay!" Courtney clapped her hands together. "We made chicken, green beans, sweet potatoes, and caesar salad."

"It was all Courtney." You said.

"Shut up," She hissed. "You helped and you did amazing."

"It looks amazing," Rafe said as he passed dishes around.

As you all sat and ate you took in the sight before you. Topper and Kelce shirtless. You and Court in your underwear. Rafe in sweats. None of you dressed up for a night at the club. Just happy and enjoying eachothers company. You were finally feeling at home and you couldn't be happier.

After dinner, you all retired to the living room for a horror movie marathon. You rested your head in Courtney's lap while you draped your legs over Rafe's. Topper and Kelce sat on the other couch while they jumped at every scene together.

Courtney ran her fingers through your hair as she laughed at the boys. "You guys are such pussies!"

You felt your phone buzz and you pulled it out of your pocket. It was your dad. Your face lit up as you opened the message.

Be home next week. I'll try to fit dinner in. Just put 10k in your account. Love you.

You frowned at the text. You hadn't seen your dad in weeks and he wasn't even sure if he could make time to have dinner with you.

You sucked on your teeth before you sat up and poured yourself a shot.

"You okay?" Court asks.

"Yeah! Just ready to catch a vibe." You say as you pour out a line of blow. You don't even bother with a bill as you bring your nose to the table and rail it.

Rafe bites his lip as he watches you. He'd always loved your ability to party like the boys but he couldn't help but worry. He could tell when you were having fun and when you were getting fucked up to forget. Rafe studied you daily.

"Y/N, take it easy," Rafe said as you went for your third line. He placed a hand on your shoulder and you shrugged him off.

"I'm feeling fucking perfect." You whispered as you laid back between your two best friends.

You didn't notice your leg shaking until Rafe put his hand on your knee.

"Y/N? Are you okay?" He asked.

His voice twirled around in your head and you smiled. You quickly stood up and took a few steps forward.

"Dude, is she good?" You heard the echo of a voice in the background.

You quickly bent over and expelled your dinner all over the living room floor before collapsing. You could feel your body begin to convulse as your vision faded to black.

"Y/N! Courtney yelled, quickly turning you to your side.

"Fuck dude!" Topper yelled as him and Kelce stepped back.

Rafe ran to you and placed your head in his lap as you continued to convulse.

"Start my fucking car!" He yelled to Courtney as he grabbed the keys from his pocket and threw them at her.

Courtney didn't hesitate. Kelce followed after her.

"What do we do?!" Topper yelled as he paced back and forth, running his hands through his hair.

Your body went limp.

"Y/N? Y/N?!" Rafe yelled, slapping your face lightly. He watched as your eyes rolled back in your head.

"Fuck!" Rafe yelled, scooping you into his arms and running to the truck. Topper was right behind him.

Rafe jumped into the back seat and pulled you into his lap. Topper jumped in next to him and Courtney quickly backed out of the driveway and sped off.

"Hurry!" Rafe yelled, his voice cracking. He shoved two fingers down your throat and you vomited instantly but you were still unconscious. "Fuck, Y/N come on! Don't you fucking die on me!" He yelled as he held you sideways in his lap. He forced his fingers down again, adding more vomit to the back of his truck.

"We're here!" Courtney announced. Everyone spilled out of the car. Rafe holding you close to his chest as he ran into the hospital first. Courtney not far behind him.

"Help us!" Courtney yelled. "Our friend, she overdosed!"

Nurses were quickly at their side, pulling you from Rafe's arms and placing you on a gurney. You began to convulse again.

Courtney grabbed your hand and ran along side of you as you were wheeled back. Rafe attempted to follow but the nurses stopped him. "I'm sorry, we can't have you all back there."

Rafe was full on crying now. He fell to his knees. Topper and Kelce tried to grab him and pull him back to the waiting room.

"Come on, dude. She's gonna be okay we just have to wait it out." Kelce assured him.

Dragging Rafe to the waiting room was a challenge as he was bigger than both Topper and Kelce.

Rafe didn't stop pacing for an hour and a half. Constantly asking every nurse that walked by if you were okay. They never had an answer for him.

Finally, Courtney came out to the waiting room.

Rafe ran to her immediately. "Is she okay?!"

Courtney could hardly breathe, anxiety riddled her face, but she quickly nodded. "Yeah, she's going to be okay."

Rafe finally let out the breath he'd been holding in. Topper and Kelce relaxed too.

"It wasn't just the coke," Courtney said as tears filled her eyes. Her fists were clenched by her sides.

The boys looked up at her. "What do you mean, Court?" Kelce asked.

"She, uhhh...she took some pills. Opiates." Courtney choked.

Rafe ran his hands through his hair, gripping the hair on the back of his neck as his legs shook.

"She, uhm.." Courtney started. "She's always had a problem. I thought she quit the pills but, uhm, I guess she just got better at hiding it." Courtney was crying now.

"Can I see her?" Rafe asked as he stood up and approached Courtney.

She nodded. "Uhm, yeah. She's stable. They pumped her stomach. She's really out of it."

Rafe nodded and pulled Courtney into a hug. "Thanks for staying with her." He whispered against her hair.

"We have to help her, Rafe." Courtney sobbed into his shoulder.

"We will." He promised.

He handed Courtney off to Kelce before he headed back to your room.

Rafe shuddered as he walked into the room. Seeing you unconscious and hooked up to a bunch of machines absolutely killed him. How had this night gone so wrong?

Rafe sat in the chair beside your hospital bed and took your hand between his. He placed a kiss on your knuckles before pressing his face into the mattress and sobbing.

"I'm so sorry, Y/N. I said I'd take care of you and I didn't." He choked on his words. "I almost lost you. We all almost lost you. Fuck..."

You stirred slightly.

"Rafe?" You mumbled.

He looked up at you. You were barely able to open your eyes.

"Yes, sweetheart? I'm here. I'm always here." He said as clung to your hand, running his other hand through your hair. Your perfect hair that he could never get enough of.

"What happened?" Your voice was practically a whisper.

"Later," He started. "You need to rest."

"Rafe?"

"Yes?" He asked, choking back tears as he brushed his thumb over your cheekbone.

"Don't leave me," You breathed.

"Never." He promised.

You slipped back into sleep and Rafe never left your side. Constantly at the edge of your bed, watching your chest rise and fall to make sure you were breathing steadily.

He only looked away from you when the doctor came in. He discussed details and options with the doctor. Rehab, medication, the whole nine.

It was another two days before you fully awoke.

She's up!

Rafe texted the group chat. He had sent Courtney and the boys to go watch your house.

On my way!

Courtney responded.

You rubbed the sleep from your eyes and scanned the room. White walls, monitors, a small television in the corner. Was this a hospital?

"Hey," A familiar voice said. A voice that made you break out in a smile before you even turned to look at him.

"Hey," Your voice was raspy but your smile made up for it.

"Here, have some water." Rafe said as he brought the bottle to your lips and helped you drink.

When you finally laid back you sighed.

"How are you feeling?" He asked softly.

"I'm sore," You admitted.

Rafe bit his lip, remembering how you had seized in his arms. The memory would haunt him forever.

"What happened?" You finally asked.

Rafe sniffled. "You, uhm...You overdosed."

You trained your eyes on the ceiling. "Hmm."

"Why didn't you tell me you were taking pills?" Rafe asked.

You closed your eyes and breathed deeply. Knowing that the doctors found it all in your system and Courtney probably told them all about your little habit.

"Y/N..."

"Rafe, I don't want to talk about it."

Before he could say anything else, Courtney busted into the room.

"Y/N," she sighed with relief as she ran to hug you.

"Hey bitch," You said as you wrapped a weak arm around her.

Rafe watched as you and Courtney caught up for a moment.

"Uhm, did you call my dad?" You asked hopefully.

Courtney's face fell. "Yeah, I did..." She started. "He hasn't gotten back yet."

You looked down. Not surprised, but still hurt.

"Y/N, we're going to get you help okay?" Courtney said.

Your eyes shot up at her. "What do you mean?"

"I-I found this really good facility-"

"No." You cut her off. "You're not shipping me off to some rehab!" You protested.

"Y/N-"

"Shut up, Rafe!" You said as you held a hand up to him. You turned back to Courtney. "I'm not fucking going."

"Y/N, I can't watch you kill yourself!" Courtney yelled. Earning the attention from the doctor who was on his way in.

"I'm not fucking going to rehab!" You repeated yourself.

"There are other options," The doctor said, trying to calm you down. "If you'd rather detox at home, I can prescribe you something to help with the withdrawals. You're still going to feel like shit," He chuckles. "But it will help."

"Perfect. Let's do that." You said as you crossed your arms.

"Do you have someone that can be at the house with you?" The doctor asks.

"Yes," Courtney and Rafe answered simultaneously.

"Okay," The doctor started. "She's going to need to take this every 8 hours," He said as wrote out a prescription. "She'll need a lot of fluids. She's going to be sick. Shaking, tremors, vomiting, all of it."

"We'll take care of her." Rafe promised.

"Alright. Let me just get some paperwork filled out and you guys can be out of here."

"Thank you." Courtney said.

You sunk down into the bed with a frustrated sigh, refusing to talk.

________________________

You were finally home. Rafe pulled open the passenger door and helped you out. He kept an arm around you as you weakly walked to your front door.

You were still annoyed with him and Courtney for trying to send you to rehab.

Once you were inside, Courtney went to the fridge and grabbed you a few bottles of water. "Let's take her upstairs." She said.

"I can get there on my own," You hissed, pulling out of Rafe's grip and instantly falling to the floor.

"Y/N, no." Rafe said as he picked you up off the floor. He was full on carrying you now.

"Let go of me, Rafe!" You fought against him but got no where in your weak state.

Rafe carried you up to your room and placed you in your bed. Courtney followed him, putting the bottles of water on your nightstand.

You started shivering.

"You need to take your medicine," Courtney demanded as she pulled the pills from her pocket, dumping one out into her palm. "Here," She said, handing it to you and then handing you a bottle of water.

You popped the pill in your mouth and chugged the water. You prayed this would help as you felt the tremors move throughout your body.

Courtney crawled in bed beside you and turned on the tv, looking for your favorite comfort movie. You in your demented head absolutely loved Terrifier. She found it and pressed play. As much as she hated clowns, she'd do anything to make you feel better right now.

You laid in her lap, shivering as you brought the covers up to your nose. The feeling of her playing with your hair calmed you.

"I'm gonna make dinner," Rafe said.

"Something light," Courtney said. Just bring her some saltine crackers and broth. She can't over eat right now."

Rafe nodded his head. Reminding himself that Courtney had seen this multiple times before. As much as he wanted to be the one comforting you right now, he knew he had other duties if him and Courtney were going to be taking care of you for the next few days.

Rafe made his way down to the kitchen and started preparing food. He got what Courtney asked him too but he also heated up leftovers from a few nights prior.

"Courtney," You mumble.

"Yeah?" She asks.

"I don't feel-" You gag. "I don't feel goo-" You cut off abruptly as the contents of your stomach were expelled all over your bed.

"Fuck, okay." Courtney said as she pulled your hair back. The vomiting seemed to never end. "Rafe!" She called out.

Rafe was there in two seconds. "Shit," He said as he saw you vomiting.

"Help me get her to the shower," Courtney said.

Rafe scooped you up effortlessly. Courtney ran to the bathroom and turned on a warm shower. "Get her out of those clothes," Courtney demanded as she stripped out of her own clothing, reducing down to her bra and underwear.

Once you were undressed Rafe placed you in the shower and Courtney got in as well. She laid behind you, leaning your head on her shoulder.

"Is she okay?" Rafe asked, fear raking his voice.

"Yeah, it's just the meds. She's got to get all this out of her body." Courtney assured him.

"Okay, okay," Rafe said as he paced. "What do I do?"

"Can you, uh, wash her sheets?" Courtney asks. "I'm gonna see if I can the rest of it out of her in the shower before we put her back to bed."

"You guys talk about me like I'm not right here." You mumble.

"You know we're always talking shit," Courtney chuckled, placing a kiss on your forehead.

"Always running your mouth," You chuckle.

You and Courtney smile against eachother for a minute.

"Hey, Court?" You ask.

"Yes?"

"Can, uhm, can Rafe take your place? I'd just really rather you make my soup. You always make it perfect."

Courtney laughs and looks up to Rafe. "You up for it?"

"Yeah, of course, anything." He responds as he pulls his shirt off.

"Enjoy," Courtney whispers in your ear before standing up and passing you off to Rafe.

You feel your back rest against Rafe's chest and his arms come around your almost naked body, holding you close.

"Hey Rafey," You say with a smile. "Sorry I'm such a mess."

He places a kiss on your forehead. "Never apologize to me. I just want to take care of you."

You no longer felt sick but the meds were definitely making you drowsy. You felt euphoric as the warm water washed over you and your back was pressed against Rafe's skin. You tucked your face into the nape of his neck as he rocked you side to side.

You wanted so badly to tell him how much you loved him but you couldn't risk scaring him off. Not right now.

"Y/N?" He asks.

"Hmm?" You hum into his neck.

"Do you know how scared I was? How scared I still am?" His voice breaks.

"Why, Rafey?"

He inhales sharply. "I thought I was going to lose you." He admits.

You bring a lazy hand up to cup his cheek. "I'll never leave you, Rafe." You promise him. "Never."

"No more drugs," He whispers against your temple, holding you tightly.

"No more drugs." You agree. "As long as I have you, I don't need them."

Rafe continues to press kisses to your forehead and cheeks. As if he stopped he would simply die.

"Shower soup!" Courtney came in holding a tray of food.

"Yay!" You cheered.

"Shower soup?" Rafe asked.

"She likes to eat in he shower." Courtney rolled her eyes. "Just let her do it or she'll throw a fit."

You pulled away from Rafe and leaned against the wall of your massive shower as Courtney stepped in with the tray of food.

"Here's your soup, baby girl, and some crackers." She said as she handed it to you.

"Thank youuuuu," You cooed.

Courtney sat down on the opposite side of the shower and plunged a fork into a chicken breast before handing it to Rafe. "And for us," She said as she grabbed her own chicken breast with her fingers, taking a huge bite.

Rafe couldn't contain his laughter. "Is this like a California thing? Eating a whole fucking meal in the shower?"

"It's an us thing," You chime in as you shove two crackers in your mouth.

"I'll eat to that," He says before biting into the chicken.

You and Courtney chuckle as you let Rafe into your shower feasting club.

You put your bowl on the floor of the shower when you're finished. Your head falls to the side as you doze off.

"Let's get her to bed," Courtney says. "I put fresh sheets on."

"Let's do it," Rafe agrees as he stands up and shuts the shower off. He picks you up and follows Courtney out of the shower. She has a towel ready to wrap you up in.

Rafe places you in the middle of your bed and him and Courtney crawl in on either side of you. You were out cold. They were both happy you were finally resting peacefully.

"Rafe," Courtney says, turning to look at him.

Rafe meets her gaze. "Yeah?"

"Do you love her?" Courtney asks without hesitation.

Rafe rests his head back on his pillow and then turns to look at you.

"I do," He sighs. "More than anything."

Courtney gives a small smile at the confession. "She loves you too."

"Really?" Rafe asks.

"Yeah. She does. I've never seen her so happy before."

"Why'd she keep doing drugs then?"

"It's complicated, Rafe."

He nods. "I'm not letting her touch that shit again." He says. "I thought we were going to lose her."

"Me too," Courtney confesses as she tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. "I've never seen her get so bad. Thank you for helping."

"I'd do anything for her," Rafe admits.

"Why don't you tell her how much you love her?" Courtney asks.

Rafe takes in a deep breath. "I will," He says. "When she's feeling better."

Courtney smiles. "Good." She says before reaching over and turning off the light. "Oh, and Rafe?"

"Yeah?

"If you ever hurt her, I will slit your throat."

"Understood." He says with a smile.

__________________________

The next few days go by in a blur. You can feel Courtney and Rafe around you but you can't remember much.

On day four you wake up mostly clear headed. A little groggy, but overall ready to take on the day.

"Goodmorning gorgeous," Courtney sat on top of you, her forehead touching yours. "You feeling better?"

"Yeah, I'm feeling great!" You say as you pull her in for a hug. You sit and snuggle her for a moment before she speaks up.

"Rafe made breakfast!" She says. "Come on!" She pulls you from the bed, eager to have her best friend back.

You stumble behind her as you guys make your way to the kitchen.

"She's up!" Courtney announces.

Rafe stops what he's doing and turns to look at you. "Hey," He says softly as he makes his way over to you and pulls you tight against his chest. His scent makes you melt.

"Hey," You whisper.

"How are you feeling?" He asks, running his fingers through your hair.

"Better," You say as your look up to him with a smile and rest your chin against his chest.

He wants nothing more than to kiss you in that moment but he holds back. "You hungry?" He asks.

"Very," You giggle.

He presses a kiss to your forehead. "Sit down," He demands. You slide into a seat next to Courtney. Rafe puts finishing touches on your breakfast and then he slides a plate in front of both you and Courtney.

"Shit Rafe, you might be a better cook than me!" Courtney says as she digs in.

You laugh. "Well you both beat me in that department. This looks amazing Rafe."

He smiles at you. He grabs his own plate and leans over the counter, eating across from you and Courtney.

"Okay, this is like...heaven." Courtney admits as she shoves more bacon in her mouth.

"Fucking facts!" You agree. "Rafe, will you make me breakfast every morning?" You chuckle.

"Anything for you, sweetheart." He says with a smile.

"Hey...do you guys have any weed?" You ask.

"Got you a big old bag," Courtney laughed. She pulled it out of her bag and tossed it at Rafe. "Roll one up, would you Cameron?"

"Gladly," He says.

The three of you spend the rest of the day smoking weed and watching tv. You finally let Court and Rafe talk you into some comedy.

"It's disturbing that all you watch is horror!" Courtney preached.

You looked to Rafe. "Hey, I kind of agree with her." He says, holding up his hands defensively.

"Fine. Make me laugh." You demand.

You ended up laughing your ass off at It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia for the rest of the day.

You ended your day blissfully falling asleep in Rafe's lap.

"My parents need me home for a bit," Courtney says as she stands up. "I'm right down the street. Can you take care of her for a bit?"

"Of course," Rafe smiles, running his hand through your hair as he always does. "I'll text you if there is any crisis." He chuckled but his eyes were serious.

"Okay. Thanks Rafe. Take care of my girl." Courtney says, placing a kiss to your temple.

"Always." He promised.

______________________________

You awoke early in the morning. The sun just peaking over the horizon. You could feel Rafe's form around you. The way he molded his body to keep you safe, even when he was sleeping.

You slowly slipped out of his grip, trying your best not to wake him. You saw a pack of cigarettes on the coffee table and you grabbed one.

You headed to the back porch. The warm morning air hitting your skin was the cure you needed. You felt so amazing. No drugs in your system, besides weed. You felt like a whole new person.

You brought the cigarette to your lips and lit it. You took a long drag, leaning back before you exhaled.

"Goodmorning,"

You turned quickly to see Rafe joining you on the deck.

"Hey," You smiled. Rafe didn't ignore the way your eyes lit up at the sight of him.

His hair was messy, sweatpants barely clinging to his hips, bare feet, and opened button up shirt. He was quite literally the most perfect human you'd ever seen.

"When did Court leave?" You ask, taking another drag off your cigarette, pressing your foot back against the railing.

"Last night," He responded. "She had a few things to do for her parents."

You nodded and handed him the cigarette. The way he took it from you and placed it gently between his lips made your knees weak. He only took one drag before flicking it to the side.

"I'm so happy you're feeling better." He said as he closed the space between you and pulled you into him.

"Thank you for taking care of me." You said into his chest.

"I'll always take care of you," He promised. "I'm sorry I failed you."

"Rafe, it wasn't your fault-"

"I should have been paying closer attention."

"Rafey," You said as you reached up and ran your fingers through his messy hair. "I kept it from you. And I'm sorry, Don't blame yourself, please." You practically begged.

He nodded hesitantly before burying his face in your hair. Taking in the scent of your shampoo once again.

"I love you." He mumbled into your hair.

You pulled back from him. "What..did you say?"

He sucked in a nervous breath. "I love you, Y/N." He said again.

You stared at him, wide-eyed, jaw agape.

"And I'm sorry if that's like weird but like I thought I lost you and I just needed you to know."

"Rafe,"

"And I just feel like I need to tell you because you never know what happens in life and-"

"Rafe!"

His eyes snap to yours.

"I love you too." You said softly.

He was silent for a moment while he watched you.

"You don't have to sa-"

"Rafe! I fucking love you!"

He let out a nervous breath and smiled at your words.

He took a step closer to you, placing his hands on your hips.

"Can I..."

"Please." You begged. Bringing your arms up to wrap around his neck and pulling him close to you. His arms brought you closer to his body as his lips hovered over yours.

"Kiss me, Rafe." You begged once more.

He didn't hesitate to press his lips to yours. He was gentle, but passionate. He brought a hand up to cup your face, pulling you deeper into the kiss.

You placed your hand over his as you moaned against his lips. His tongue brushed your bottom lip, asking for entrance and you accepted needily.

Your tongue danced with his for a few more moments before he slowly pulled back, leaving you hungry for more.

"I was so scared I was going to lose you." He confessed, pressing his forehead to yours.

"I'm sorry, Rafe." You said. "I promise, I'll never leave you."

You saw a tear fall from his eye as he swallowed. "I don't want to live without you."

"You're everything I've ever needed." You told him.

"No more drugs?" He asked

"No more drugs." You confirmed.

[sucka4pain]

𝐒𝐄𝐗 𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐘 𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐃𝐈𝐄~♡︎

plug fwb! Rintaro Suna x Fem! reader

tw: smoking, marijuana usage, sexual tension, cowgirl, marking, high sex, cursing, Suna feels nothing for reader, praising, aftercare, mentions of readers family problems & attachment issues, cheating, and slightly dark.

readers skin tone and body type is not mentioned! this is a fic for all the girlies no matter how you look! also i’m using Suna’s timeskip so no sexualizing minors!

a/n: it’s late at night and i wanted to post smth since i haven’t posted in so long. i decided to bring back Haikyuu since i missed it sm, enjoy lovelies!🎀

It was one of the nights again, walking in the chilly weather as Y/n made it to a familiar house and went to a specific window. The curtains of the window were black but you can see purple light shining through from the little crack.

The latter that was in the bushes underneath the window was a good idea to have. She picked up the latter, placing it under the window and climbed up to the window. Her knuckles softly knocked three times to signal that its her.

She pulled away and opened the window was Suna. He was in a tank top with some basketball shorts, the strong aroma of weed hit Y/n’s nostrils making her hum. His red fox eyes looked down at her as the blunt that hung out from his mouth was placed perfectly between his teeth.

His veiny hand grabbed her arm and pulled her into his room. The purple led lights looked brighter yet dark, his Tv played a random playlist he has dedicated for moments like these. At the moment she arrived, Church by Chase Atlantic started to play.

Y/n took the blunt from Suna’s mouth and placed it in her own, taking a seat on his bed as she took a long drag from it. Suna sat down next to her manspreading, she took this opportunity and blew the smoke into his lips as their eyes locked in on each other.

There was always tension between the two, no matter what it’s like they were addicted to each other. Suna started to pick up on Y/n’s small habits whenever they smoked together. Whenever she had family problems going on or her parents fighting, her hits on the blunt were longer and she would hold it in for a while before exhaling it out in a big puff.

“Let me guess.” Suna spoke up, the rasp of his voice could send chills down anyone’s spine. Y/n glanced over at him as she passed him back his blunt and leaned back against the soft surface of his bed.

“They’re fighting again?” He asked looking down at her as he took a hit from his blunt, she nodded at his question. He grew up with Y/n, so he practically knew about her and her family probably more than Y/n herself. All of the time, she leaves at night to go over Suna’s house because they never seem to care what she does during the dark hours.

The led lights fade from purple to a blue as more songs from the playlist on his Tv began playing. They spent the next few minutes in silence, passing around the blunt to each other as music played that fit the atmosphere perfectly.

“So, how’s it going with you and Rika?” Y/n asked as she exhaled smoke and put out the finished blunt. Their eyes getting redder by the second from the string weed. Suna was basically her plug, always hooking her up with good stuff whenever she wanted.

He scoffed and ran his ringed covered fingers through his hair. “Don’t bring that skank up right now, I already gotta deal with her in the daylight.” The tone in his voice was full of despair.

A small laugh left her lips, her vision getting slightly watery from the weed. “But, don’t you think it’s wrong that me and you fuck even though you are in a relationship?” She asked, she wasn’t dumb she knew it’s wrong but seeing how Suna is with Rika makes her question if he really does love his girlfriend. Maybe it’s just an act to entertain the outside world from how they really are.

“She thinks i’m stupid to not know, and no it’s not wrong because she’s doing the same thing.” He scoffed.

This made Y/n raise a brow. “Seriously?”

Suna nods his head and shifts his body into a laying position with his hands behind his head as his shoulders laid back against the headboard.

“Her dad is paying me to be with her, and also because he wants to know what she does.” He shrugged off.

“Wow, you’re just some secret spy for her dad?” She chuckled.

“Basically, but they’re crazy rich so i’m willing to do anything for some bread.” His eyes locked onto hers as she laid down next to him and her head on his chest.

His hand found it’s way into her hair, being careful to not get any strands caught in his rings. She hums at the feeling of his fingers scratching and massaging her scalp and lifted up her head to look up at him.

Their eyes locked in yet again, they leaned into each other until their lips touched. Tasting the weed from each other and combined with Y/n’s chapstick made it more enjoyable. Suna’s hands sneak down to her waist. making her body move on its own. Seconds later, she was on top of him, legs straddling his hips as their tongues swirled around each other.

Panting and breathless when they pulled away as a string of saliva connected to their tongues.

“Be a good girl and ride me, yea?” He said not even trying to make it sound like he was asking.

Her stomach twists as she felt a wet spot already forming on her panties just by his words. She could already feel how hard he was underneath his shorts. her fingers pulled them down along with his black boxers which had a small white leaking stain of precum.

Once the boxers were off, his cock sprung up slapping against his tank top which he quickly pulled off. Before she could wrap her hand around his hard cock, his hand grabbed her wrist.

“Not fair that im the only one here without clothes on.” He smirked as his other hand swiftly pulled off her hoodie.

His brows slightly rose up. “No bra? You seem to have learned from our previous nights.” A cocky smile on his lips as he tugged at her pants, signaling her to pull them down.

She obeyed, pulling them off along with her panties. Just by looking at her cunt, he knew she was soaked. His hand wrapped around her throat and pulled her down to his level, deeply kissing her before pulling away and harshly sucking at her neck making her whimper.

The way he left dark marks on her and his fangs slightly grazing against her skin gets her excited. His mouth moved down to her collarbone and chest, leaving the same marks before looking up at her and placing his hands on her waist.

“Cmon baby, you know what to do. Don’t make me remind you.” His husky voice grumped out from his throat.

As much as she wanted to taunt him, with all the shit she had to deal with she just wanted to have him inside her. Which is why she can’t wait until night time comes.

Her hand wrapped around his hard cock, giving it a few strokes causing Suna to softly groan. Finally, she placed the leaking tip against her soaked lips, slowking sinking down on him making her whimper from how he was stretching her out. It didn’t matter how many times they have sex, he’ll always manage to make her feel like a virgin being stretched out for the first times.

She felt full as his cock was fully inside her, she didn’t waste time as her hips started to move. The way his cock kissed her cervix making her eyes roll back with moans spilling out of her mouth. Suna threw his head back at the way her walls clenched down on him.

“That’s it baby, jus’ like that. you know how to please me.~” He moaned as his hands slapped her ass and his hips slightly thrusting up, matching her pace.

“F-fuckk, Suna..you’re s’big~..” She moaned rolling her hips down as she felt a knot form in her stomach from how much he was twitching inside of her.

“You love this big dick, yea?” His voice tainted with awe as he wrapped his hand around her neck, choking her slightly making her eyes roll back.

“M’ gonna cum like this, keep going pretty girl.” He groaned as his other hand trailed down, two fingers rubbing her clit.

“C-cumming~! m’ gonna cum, Suna!~” She moaned as his thrusts became more rough. The feeling of his thrusts and fingers rubbing her clit brought her to cumming, her juices coating his dick and fingers.

“Good girl, good fucking girl..” He praised as his cock twitched on last time before filling her up with his warm seed. He leaned back breathing heavily and pulled Y/n down with him as the blanket kept them warm.

Suna broke the silence after a while. “Wanna smoke another blunt?” He asked but got no answer. He looked at her face and saw her peacefully asleep on him. His eyes rolled in annoyance and got up, gently carrying her to clean her up. Once they were both cleaned up, he put her in a fresh pair of clothes and covered her in his blanket.

He sat down on the floor, lighting up another blunt and continued to stare at her face.

‘When will i start falling for her? i don’t wanna fall for her, she’s got bad attachment issues.’

A mental thought popped up as he continued smoking his blunt.

©𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐚4𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧-- 𝐃𝗼 𝐧𝗼𝐭 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞, 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐥, 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝗺 𝗼𝐫 𝐜𝗼𝐩𝐲 𝗺𝐲 𝐰𝗼𝐫𝐤-- 𝐜𝗼𝗺𝗺𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬, 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝗼𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐜𝗼𝗺𝐞𝐝!!

[gremlingottoosilly]

A question about König:

How much would he control Mrs. König around the house in terms of substances? If his wifey smoked, either cigarettes or marijuana, would he try to stop her? Or if he had a few drinks at dinner, she was able to keep up?

And, how would König be while drunk or high?

Unfortunately for us, Konig strongly believes that cigarettes aren't something a lady should ever touch - and with weed, it's even worse. He might be swayed if only for a little bit if you have a prescription - for your chronic pains or for anxiety, he will allow you to smoke a little bit, only after consulting with your doctor and taking in all the notes. He doesn't trust any drugs - had quite a few terrible accidents while young and high, and now he doesn't want to deal with his precious wifey experiencing something like this. He will be so sickly supportive while making you quit, it's impossible to handle him like this. Konig is determined to make you get your nicotine kick somewhere else - and every time you express the urge to smoke, or after a certain stressful event, you find his hand worm its way in your pants, making you addicted to orgasms brought by him - maybe, it's even worse. He doesn't care if you need to smoke if you only do it on occasion - he wouldn't even care if he started smoking and you'd scold him for being a hypocrite. He wants to control what you will get addicted to - and he won't hesitate to lock you in an empty room with a bed and maybe a few books if you proceed to sneak cigarettes into the house. He is a lot more lenient with alcohol - beer and heavier liquors are an important part of Austrian culture and Konig wants you to be able to explore some of his favorite drinks with him. Granted, it only happens while he is at home(he keeps all alcohol in the closed drawer and will carefully go through the cameras to see if you're buying anything yourself) and with him pouring your drinks. He won't allow you anything more than a few glasses - even though he is the type to drink a whole tank of beer and top it with some pear schnapps, he still will control everything you get in. He is funny when drunks - like all of his years and traumas are being washed away and you are left with this silly and awkward newbie in Special Forces, who doesn't know how to talk to a pretty girl, and has no idea that you're his wife and he scored such a hottie.

[compassionatereminders]

I feel for your struggle with addiction - I was an alcoholic for years and it took me so long to recognize it. I always thought I was too young and bc I was only a binge drinker then it wasn’t an issue. But I used it as a huge crutch emotionally and did stupid shit when I was drunk. I have many years of sobriety from alcohol now, but I just found out I’m autistic and I guess it’s quite common for autistic people to use drugs/alcohol to cope with overstimulation and other symptoms, which was a great comfort to me in some regards. Looking back a lot of my alcoholism was d/t meltdowns and shut downs. But the point of this rant is to tell u that you’re not alone and that even considering giving up drugs is so hard, esp if it’s been apart of your life for a short/long time. It took me a long time, but I found a provider who supported me using legal marijuana in small doses to deal with my overstimulation. It’s been a game changer; I just monitor it closely to make sure I don’t abuse it; but I do also recognize that even that isn’t an option for everyone. Idk why I’m rambling on haha forgive me but the point is I can relate. I mainly use 12 step programs now for help but I get you I have a lot of issues with AA so I do a lot of meditation mtgs instead where there’s more open minded people.

Yeah I have a long and complex but definitely deeply problematic history with stimulants and it's only this year I've acknowledged that it's actually a problem. And this is after MANY shitty incidents where I've hurt people with my drug use. I just really wanted it to be fine and under control, so I kept making up excuses about how I was in control of it and it was all just fine. But it's truly not

[fr4gments]

Puff, puff, pass. - HAYAKAWA AKI [MDNI]

Working in the Public Safety organization is a mentally and physically exhausting job, so what better way than to relax the body and mind with a little mary jane?

authors note: After seeing Aki smoke in episode 2 of csm I wonder if he’d be the type to be down to smoke some ouid. Please don’t read this if you’re uncomfortable about the topic of marijuana or if you don’t want your imagination of Aki ruined. I decided to write this just for fun so please be nice 🥸

This one shot was also inspired by Don Toliver's 'You'

R-18, Minors DNI. nsfw

Pairing: Hayakawa Aki x Reader

Word Count: 3.9k words

Content warnings: Fem reader | Mentions of marijuana and drugs | smut | foreplay | fingering | vaginal penetration | internal ejaculation | swearing

'You talk to me dirty, I'm talkin' back like a reflex.'

Working as a Public Safety Devil Hunter was not only a physically tiring job, but also took its toll mentally. You’d think after being so used to killing all those devils it’d be easier to deal with them the next time you and your team members would encounter them.

You, Aki along with Denji and Power had just arrived home after picking up several ingredients for tonights dinner. Earlier, while the three of them went ahead with grocery shopping, you met up with a trusted dealer who was part of the Yakuza nearby that usually went around with different types of drugs in the Kabukicho district.

Now you weren’t a drug addict, barely even touched the other dangerous stuff that people were trying out there. Not that you judged them for it. You just thought it’d be a good idea to to help reduce the stress and anxiety you faced day to day as a devil hunter. So you decided to get your hands on a few grams of marijuana to switch up with the normal pack of cigarettes you and Aki would usually smoke.

Of course you weren’t going to smoke cannabis infront of the other two because one, Denji’s a minor and two, was simply because you didn’t want to have to deal with an intoxicated Denji and Power. They were already enough trouble sober, who knows what they would do if they got stoned. Wreak havoc probably.

One thing you had to do however, was to convince Aki that smoking this would help him relax and let loose for a bit and if he didn’t like the effects it gave him, you could stop and you would ditch the idea of smoking something other than a cigarette. You wouldn’t call yourself a marijuana junkie but it was one of the things you would do once in a long while that could help to mellow you out with the anxieties and disturbing memories you had from working in Public Safety. So you hoped that it could do the same for your boyfriend.

You could only assume that he would be open to trying it, since he was already a heavy smoker. Either that or he would start lecturing you how someone of your position and in your line of work shouldn’t be dealing with illegal substances that weren’t allowed in the country.

So when Denji and Power had fallen asleep after dinner, you took the chance to fetch the item you had bought from the dealer at Kabukicho from your bag, sliding it onto the coffee table in the living room where Aki was sat at, a can of beer in hand.

“What’s this?” he asked as he eyed the suspicious looking ziplock bag filled with what looked like dried tea leaves. To Aki at least. But then again he knew what the shape of tea leaves looked like and the ones in the bag you were showing him definitely did not resemble anything like that.

“It’s, something to help calm our nerves down for a bit. It’s marijuana.” you told him, eyeing him carefully, hoping he wouldn’t give a reaction that would wake up the other two.

He doesn’t look up at you as he picks up the medium sized plastic bag, bringing it up to closely inspect it. “Where did you get it?” he asked, looking up at you with an unreadable expression.

“Just some guy who distributes this kind of stuff in Kabukicho.” you told him, as you stood rocking back and forth on the heels of your feet from the beside him.

“Y/N, this is illegal you know.” he sighed, stretching one leg out onto the carpeted floor while the other was propped up to support his arm resting on it. He had his hair down from its usual topknot. He had on a plain colored t-shirt along with a pair of black boxers.

“I know. I just figured it could help us relax a little with the amount of stuff we've been dealing with.” you told him in a small voice.

Aki remained silent in contemplation. He didn’t know much about marijuana other than it being a popular drug and topic mentioned in movies and music.

For a second you almost assumed he didn’t like the idea of it, but instead of giving you a lecture on how something like this shouldn’t be in the house like you expected him to he hummed deeply saying, “I guess I wouldn’t mind trying it out once to see if it can help minimize the stress I’ve been feeling lately.”

Aki trusted you enough to be doing this sort of thing. He trusted you with many other things too. It wasn’t as if he was a goody two-shoes, but rather a subservient man to many things, aware that there were laws and rules to be followed.

You took a seat next to him, placing the other necessary items one would need to make a joint on the table. Aki watches as you pull out a small pack of rolling paper, opening the bag of weed to scoop out some of the flower. It would be impossible to smoke without breaking it up into smaller pieces so you would either need to grind the substance or simply rip it apart with your hands. Another thing you made sure was to check if the buds were dry enough to grind down. Seeing as you didn’t have the proper equipment you decided to grab a mortar and pestle from the kitchen to use it as the next best alternative to a grinder and began to gently press and turn on the herb in the bowl.

After that you picked up the herbs to scatter them slowly into the rolling paper you had purchased at a corner store hidden on top of the shop lots in the district earlier. Once you had rolled it into a decent joint, you sparked the lighter that was already on top of the table, lighting it up to bring it pass your lips to take an experimental puff before passing it to Aki who curiously eyed the blunt before taking a puff himself. Its pungent aroma filled his nose and throat. The texture of the smoke was rather smooth and tasted earthy and citrusy.

"Where did you learn how to roll it up like that?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at you.

"Before I got into the division, I used to work at a club. Sometimes the customers who came in would bring in stuff like this and have me join them. Eventually I learned to roll one during my time there." You told him.

The both of you had been together for about two years but there were still many things about you that were a mystery to him. As he was to you. Aki was a man of few words. He spoke to you more than did before when you two had first met. You were assigned to be on the same team as him by Makima. Whenever he did speak, it was just short sentences in a curt tone. Later on when the both of you started dating, he began opening himself up towards you. His face and tone of voice would have more expression compared to the monotonous voice he would use at the workplace and around your colleagues.

It took you and Aki about several consistent puffs and to properly feel the effects of the blunt. Woody and citrusy smelling smoke filled up the living room and ten minutes later Aki could feel his eyes and head growing heavy. More minutes later he could feel as if he was floating, his body felt very light. Overall it made him feel very relaxed. Just like you told him.

He could hear you say something in a distorted voice from next to him as he looked out towards the balcony. He was alert but at the same time he felt as if he shifted inwards, meaning he could hear your voice but his brain couldn’t translate what you had just said. He turned to you in a lazy motion, "Did you say something?"

He watched as you giggled at him with a heavy lidded gaze, eyes slightly red but he couldn't really tell if it was the lack of illumination in the dark living room, the only source of light coming from the moonlight and street lights outside or whether if it was another one of the effects from the drug.

"I said, how do you feel?" you replied with a grin as you laid your head on his shoulder. Your words registered in his head only five seconds later due to the effect of the marijuana.

“Oh. I feel, like I’m sitting on top of a cloud.” he described before a quiet chuckle comes out from his lips. When you giggled in response, Aki felt himself grinning before letting out a giggle of his own. You both began laughing at nothing in particular, signaling each other to keep quiet to avoid waking up Denji and Power, only to fall into another fit of giggling and snickering between yourselves.

You had your eyes closed next to him. You rested yourself against the foot of the couch on the ground. From the back of your eyelids you could see random shapes swimming in your vision, with a calming sensation in the back of your mind. It felt as if you were free falling.

You grabbed your phone that was laying on the table, connecting it to the Bluetooth speakers you had, pressing play on a random song in your playlist.

You both then faced each other. Just quietly observing one another. You knew that marijuana would also amplify ones senses and right then you felt yourself staring at Aki’s lips. He was doing the same, suddenly feeling some sort of hunger towards you. Both of you have had sex plenty of times, however in that moment you both began to feel an immense sense of lust towards each other. Aki felt like taking you right then and there, with your legs up on his shoulder as he plowed himself into the walls of your pretty cunt.

His hooded gaze began roaming up and down your body, noting the spaghetti strap camisole you giving him a view of your round cleavage and the black yoga shorts you had on. His eyes flickered to your lips, up to your eyes.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked, tucking back loose strands of hair behind your ear. You nod at him gently with a small smile, appreciating that he was always managed to be a gentleman with you no matter how long you two have been together.

Aki tilted his head before pushing his lips to yours, a quiet groan leaving his mouth as he felt your tongue immediately slide between his teeth. One hand slowly caressed your thigh up and down before you climbed onto his lap, straddling him to wrap your arms around his neck. His hands slid into your camisole, fingers slowly brushing up your skin before massaging your breasts through your bra. You moaned softly when he pulls away to leave slow kisses down your jaw then down to your neck, sucking on the soft skin to give you a couple love bites while he continued to play your breasts. You could already feel how hard he was from underneath you as you slowly circled your hips against him.

“Aki,” you called in a breathy voice. As much as you were enjoying making out with him, you were both in the living room and there could be any moment Denji or Power would want to use the toilet.

“Hmm? What’s wrong, baby?” he answered huskily, not bothering to stop as he then began to kiss you behind the ear before gently licking your outer earlobe. You giggle slightly at the ticklish feeling before pushing him slowly away from you. Your hands reach up to cup his face, thumbs gently brushing against his ears, feeling the studs of his piercings.

“We should go to the room, wouldn’t want Denji and Power to see us.” you told him as you attempted to get up only to have Aki shift and lift you up on the couch next to the both of you.

Usually, Aki only preferred having sex in the bedroom or just somewhere more private, so he could have you all to himself with no interruptions. But this time he couldn’t be bothered with that. He couldn’t care less if anyone came into to see the both of you fucking on the couch.

“No, I wanna do it here.” he said before pushing you down pressing his lips to yours once more, this time a little more roughly, a little more urgency then earlier. However Aki felt like he needed more this time. So he pulled down your camisole along with your bra to expose your bare chest to him. He smirks at the view below him, your tits out with your doe yet mischievous eyes looking up at him.

Aki leaned down to pull one of your hardened nipples into his mouth. You gasped at the sensation, your hands finding their way into his ink colored locks. “Aki,” you breathed out. Your back began to arch as his tongue slowly lapped at your bud, while one hand massaged your other breast. You could feel his erection through his boxers and you wanted nothing more than to get on your knees and get your mouth onto his cock. But Aki had other plans.

He let out a low hum, before pulling away from your chest. Aki moved lower down to your thighs, hooking his fingers into the waistband of your shorts and panties, discarding them before his head goes down between your legs. You felt his tongue lick a long and gentle a stripe between your folds, throwing your head with back against the cushion on the couch, a mewl sounding out from your mouth. Aki peered up at you, enjoying the way you writhed at his actions. He loved having your legs spread wide, unfolding like a blooming flower, pink and delicious fleshy petals with its delicate bud in the centre. So pretty for him. His precious flower.

Aki slid two fingers into you, pumping them in and out of you as he puckered his lips to spit and then suck on your clit, groaning against your skin as he felt your juices gush out more and more as he continued his ministrations. He could never get enough of how you tasted. Your moans began to grow louder and louder towards your first orgasm of the night. Aki had to quieten you by sticking two fingers from his unoccupied hand, letting you suck on his digits.

Then, before you could reach your high, Aki moved away from your pussy, dripping from your juices, admiring his work. You gave him a pout feeling that it was unfair that you almost came only to have him move back up to kiss you passionately, taking one of your hands to palm his erection through his boxers. He then pulled back to slide off his boxers and discard his t-shirt onto the floor.

“Are you ready?” he asked as he positioned himself in a kneeling position between your legs.

“I haven’t sucked you off yet.” you told him with a slightly disappointed pout.

Your boyfriend smirked at you, appreciating that you wanted to reciprocate with putting your mouth on his cock but Aki couldn’t wait any longer. He needed to be inside you. Instead, he kissed the top of your forehead, assuring you there would be another time you could do that and that now it was about you. How he only wanted to focus on making you feel good. You had no idea how badly you have him wrapped around your finger.

As Aki pushed his tip past your slippery folds, your eyes closed and head fell back, you both moaned breathily when his cock reached deep into your cervix. He doesn’t move for a while, just relishing in the feeling of your tight and gummy walls around him. Your mouth formed into an ‘o’ as he slowly began moving in and out of you, stretching you out in the most delicious way. No matter how many times you both had sex, you would always need time adjusting to Aki’s size.

You called out his name with a moan, the sound angelic to his ears as you grabbed onto both his forearms as he picked up his pace in thrusting in and out of your pussy, the slick and wet sounds echoing in the living room. “That feel good?” he asked. You could only nod in response with your eyes closed in deep pleasure.

Aki then shifted to grab your legs from underneath your thighs, beginning to roll his hips, moving in and out of you in the most sensual manner. Aki felt as if he was about to cum at that moment while he watch his cock move in and out past your folds. He threw his head back in the sense of euphoria he was getting from your pussy and the drug. It was as if the marijuana had heightened both his and your senses making the sex even more pleasurable than it usually was. The feeling was addicting. Dangerously addicting.

“Aki, more. Please.” you begged from underneath him wantonly, making him groan at your pleading. He loved it when you begged. It turned him on so much.

“You want more baby? Tell me, how do you want it?” he asked as he lifted your legs on his shoulder. “Like this?” he asked again as he pounded hard into your pussy. At this point you just knew your moans and the other sinful noises you both were making could be heard in the other bedrooms. Denji and Power must be heavy sleepers if they couldn’t hear all of that.

“Fuck, yes!” you cried, placing one hand on his chest while the other was covering your mouth to stop yourself from getting any louder. He was fucking you so good, you didn’t want him to stop.

Aki turned his head to kiss your ankle, telling you how well you were taking him, encouraging you to cum if you wanted to. He leaned over to grab the rest of the joint you hadn’t smoked and inhaled from it, puffing out a thick cloud of smoke, watching your tits bounce up and down with every movement of his thrusts.

He put the joint aside then moved to lean down next to your ear, whispering dirty things like how good you felt around his cock, and how much he loved your pussy. How good you made his cock feel. It had you nearing your orgasm with the way your sounds of pleasure were growing louder and higher pitched even though you were trying your best to cover them with your hand. He leaned into swallow your moans with a sloppy kiss, twisting his tongue around yours moaning lowly as he felt you tighten your walls around him.

“You close baby?” he grinned lazily as his pace doesn’t falter, continuing to fuck you deeply and slowly. One hand reached up to cup your breast, with his thumb toying with your nipple. The stimulation brought you close to your climax while he rutted his hips forward into you.

Your response came out in a babbled response. “Yes, yes don’t stop please.” you cried out making Aki chuckle to himself. His thrusts were becoming sloppy and you could tell he was close as well, he gripped your waist to fuck your harder and faster telling you to cum for him.

“Come together with me, baby. I’m cumming.” he told you before his hips stuttered and he let out his warm load into you, groaning into your neck as he rode out his high. You followed shortly after with a high pitched gasp and moan. Aki helped you out by rolling his hips into you while he rubbed slow circles onto your clit. After that he pulled out, watching as both your thick liquids seeped out of your glistening hole. Aki then reached over to grabbed a couple tissues on the coffee table to help you clean up.

You both looked to see if your previous activity had woken up Denji or Power, letting out a sigh of relief to see that the house was quiet as it was before the two of you started fucking in the living room. You both laid on the couch, catching your breaths as you break into another fit of laughter, still stoned from the cannabis.

It seemed like you had a better tolerance for the weed because fifteen minutes later after you said your “I love yous” you had to comfort Aki who was curled up wide eyed in the corner of the living room telling you he didn’t want to die. You felt bad for him but at the same time seeing his emotions suddenly shift had you holding back a laugh.

“It’s okay, shh. You’ll come down soon. No, your mind isn’t dying.” you told him in reassurance and comfort.

“Hug me, please.” he said as his long arms pulled you to him, like a child asking from their parent.

A grumbling noise came from the man next to you, making you snort out a laugh. “Hungry?” He nodded with a hum, before he started to snicker for no reason. You let out a chuckle then explained that it was something one would experience when smoking marijuana.

Then you both got up to put on your clothes to make yourselves some food to satisfy your munchies. Aki decided to whip up some pancakes covered with chocolate and caramel along with some frying up some frozen chicken bites. While he prepared the meal, you poured two large glasses of juice. You found yourself feeling super thirsty even though you gulped down the glass of juice, pouring yourself more juice.

You made a mental note to hide the stash of cannabis somewhere in your shared bedroom with Aki so that Denji or Power wouldn’t ask any questions about it.

Several minutes later the both of you began to feel very sleepy. Another effect of the cannabis leaves. So after leaving the dishes in the sink for the next morning you both headed to bed the buzz of the weed still coursing in your systems.

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Extra

The next morning, you got up from bed feeling slightly sober compared to the previous hours before. Aki was still asleep next to you. You checked the time to see that thankfully there was still more time to get ready before you guys had to get to the headquarters.

As you walked into the living, you let out a curse under your breath when you see both Denji and Power staring up at the ceiling with hooded eyes, giggling lazily at the ceiling fan.

You must’ve forgotten to bring along the ziplock bag with weed in it and get rid of the other several joints you rolled up from last night.

You could hear Aki’s footsteps shuffling in the bedroom behind you before he walked out of the room with a sleepy yawn. He saw you standing with a worried expression on your face before looking towards Denji and Power, still not realizing they were high as balls on the floor.

“What’s wrong?” he asked you as he made his way towards you. He turned to give the pair a proper look before turning to you who gave him a sheepish grin.

“Oh, fuck.”

Hii thank you for reading this far. This is the first fic I actually had confidence in posting. Sorry if there are any grammatical and spelling errors. I'm doing my best to improve and I wanted to get this up before I got lazy with finishing it up like the other stuff I have in my drafts lol . Hope you liked it!

[luulapants]

“I don’t use cannabis. How do I write characters that do?”

This long-criminalized psychoactive drug is having a renaissance in the US these days, now legal for recreational use in 21 states. That means there are even more ways that people use cannabis. It’s still illegal in most of the world, and I will be writing primarily about use in the US, where my experience is.

What should I call it?

Ganja. The Devil’s Lettuce. Dank. Mary Jane. There are endless epithets for this drug, and most of them will make you sound absolutely ridiculous unless used as a joke. The use of the Spanish name, marijuana, is traced to efforts to use American xenophobia to demonize it. Cannabis is the technical English term you would hear in, say, a police report. Your average Joe on the street, though, will say either “weed” or “pot.”

Who’s using cannabis?

More people than you might think! Stereotypes once painted this as the drug of racial minorities, hippies, burnouts, and teenagers. These days, anyone you could imagine with a glass of wine at the end of the day could be going home to a cannabis gummy. People use cannabis to deal with chronic health issues like pain, insomnia, or anxiety. Some partake as a rare indulgence, like a cigar on a special occasion. The vast majority of people who use cannabis do so in moderation.

Habitual users are easier to spot - people who make pot a huge part of their lifestyle. They might talk about it incessantly. They might be stoned at inappropriate times or wake ‘n’ bake (getting stoned first thing in the morning and, presumably, staying stoned all day). Cannabis is not physically addictive, but for people self-medicating other issues, it can be psychologically addictive the same way as shopping or gambling. People can become dependent on it to help them fall asleep or regulate their moods, in absence of other coping mechanisms. Just as with alcohol, someone who frequently uses cannabis alone is at higher risk of dependence than someone who uses occasionally or only in social situations.

Where do they get it?

Depending local laws, a person might have access to a medical or recreational cannabis dispensary. Recreational dispensaries can serve anyone who is above the legal age. Medical dispensaries require a prescription. These are really easy to get, and the dispensary may even have someone on site that can diagnose you (with pain or anxiety usually) and write a scrip. In addition to many forms of cannabis, they may sell glassware, vapes, or other paraphernalia.

A dispensary is like any retail location with a couple of differences: Most merchandise will be locked in cases or behind the counter, due to the regulated nature of the substances they’re selling. They may have extra security measures, like a security guard or bulletproof dividers at the counter. This is because dispensaries are cash only and usually have large amounts of cash on location, because conflicts with federal law mean banks can’t work with them.

Not having legal access to a dispensary isn’t the only reason someone might skip it, though. Dispensaries, due to overhead, liability, and very high taxes, are super expensive. If your character can’t get to a dispensary or has strapped finances, they will probably turn to a street dealer.

The local dealer or weed man is never a normal person. If you are depicting a weed man in your story, please keep this in mind. They are weird in different ways, but they’re all weird. You find them through personal connections, and a friend usually has to vouch for you before you can meet them. You might go to their place or they might come to yours. They may have a public meet-up location (park next to me in the McDonald’s parking lot after midnight). If you’re nice and the dealer likes you, they may smoke you out, meaning you smoke a bowl together from their personal stash, free of charge. One stereotype is a dealer who doesn’t have any real friends and makes it difficult to leave the drug deal because he wants to hang out. You then have to tactfully (without offending/losing your dealer) engineer an escape.

Otherwise, you might buy from friends, reimburse them for a buy they made, or throw down some cash when someone shares their weed with you.

Are there different types?

Yes! There are lots of different strains and crossbreeds of cannabis, most with lofty or whimsical names (purple unicorn kush, hazy sunrise sativa). If you go to a dispensary, a sales person will give you extensive “high profiles” of how different strains make you feel: “This one won’t make you as paranoid.” “This one is a very mellow high.”

Honestly, (and I might get assassinated for saying this) most of it is bullshit. Different strains have different chemical compositions and will act differently, but each person’s individual physiology is going to have a much larger impact, so Mr. X and Ms. Y will react more differently to strain A than the difference between how Mr. X reacts to strains A or B. And the dude at the dispensary is entirely unqualified to tell you how a strain will impact you, personally. Your expectation of its effects and how much you consume are also major factors.

One scientifically proven difference is the impact of different THC and CBD content. THC is the psychoactive component and CBD is responsible for more physical effects. The two major variants: Indicas are high in CBD, more sedative, and better at pain reduction and appetite increase. Sativas are high in THC, more stimulating, uplifting, and can help with creativity.

Whether your character knows anything about different strains will more about them than what strains they choose: whether they pay top dollar for designer weed strains or if they’re just buying whatever the local weed man has. The weed man may talk a big game about the strain they’re selling, and some of it might even be true. But usually, their stuff is not top shelf and, aside from low-budget weed aficionados, most of their customers don’t care.

Edibles

Edibles are foods with THC and/or CBD. Edibles might suggest a character who’s more health conscious, not wanting to inhale smoke, or who is more secretive about their cannabis use - edibles won’t leave a smell behind. People who only started using after it was legalized might be comfortable with eating a gummy even if they still have negative criminal connotations with smoking.

THC and CBD are fat-soluble, so edibles are usually made by infusing butter (for baked goods) or oil (for other products) with cannabis. If your character is into cooking, they might make their own weed butter, keep it in the fridge, and bake brownies or cookies with it. Usually, you can’t really taste the difference. If they’re looking for something portable or easy to hide, gummies or other candies are the way to go.

Dosage is important with edibles because it takes longer for your body to process them, so the onset of the high is significantly delayed. Whoever made the edible should tell you how many milligrams are in each item. How much you should eat depends on your body weight, tolerance, and how stoned you want to get. You can’t overdose, but you can have a really, really bad time if you get too high. The classic joke is that someone will be warned not to eat too much, have half an edible, say, “These edibles ain’t shit,” eat the rest, and then when it finally does kick in, they’re on-the-moon high.

Smoking

Let’s clear one thing up: smoking anything is bad for your lungs. That said, people do be smoking weed! Unlike edibles, smoking has near-immediate effects. The whole high doesn’t hit you at once, but someone with a low tolerance will feel something by the time they exhale that first puff. Unlike cigarettes, when a person smokes weed (takes a hit), they are supposed to inhale deeply and hold the smoke in their lungs for as long as they can before exhaling.

Before your character smokes out of anything, the first step is to grind up the weed. The part of the plant which is smoked are the buds: dense, greenish clumps which are ideally sticky to the touch. (Old, shitty weed will be dry and brownish.) These are placed in a grinder, a metal contraption which is twisted to move metal teeth inside and break the buds into small pieces. Ground-up weed will dry up faster, so it’s best not to grind until you’re ready to smoke.

Joints are made by taking a small piece of rolling paper, sprinkling a line of weed into them, then rolling it up. The edge is licked to seal it and both ends twisted closed. They’re smoked like a cigarette. If you add tobacco, it’s called a spliff. Most adults will add in a filter or roach on the mouth-end so the smoke is less harsh, and leaving it out speaks to being un-fussy. Like a burrito, you ideally want a nice, fat joint, but hubris can lead you to an overfilled, falling-apart mess. Joint rolling is a skill developed with practice, so your character’s ability to do so successfully or unsuccessfully will speak to their experience. Joints are cheap and portable, so good for tight budgets or someone on the move.

Blunts are similar to joints but made with tobacco paper - the brown paper that cigars are wrapped in. You can buy tobacco paper on its own, but more commonly, they’re made by buying cheap, sometimes flavored, cigars (like swisher sweets), cutting them open, dumping out the tobacco, and stuffing them full of weed. They’re bigger, so there’s a lot more weed in them, and they’re also wider than a joint, so each hit delivers more cannabis. Blunts are associated with urban Black culture.

Glassware includes pipes, bongs, chillums, bubblers, and other smoking vessels made of glass. These can be simple or beautifully decorative. A simple pipe might cost $10-15. A huge, artistic bong could cost upwards of a thousand. Glass is the most popular material for smoking vessels. All of these consist of a bowl where the weed is packed (”pack a bowl”) connected to an end where your mouth goes. The smoker places their mouth on the end, then holds a lighter flame over the weed in the bowl. They inhale, which draws the flame down into the bowl and causes the weed to smolder (not catch fire). The weed may continue to smolder enough for the next hit or the lighter may need to be used again. When the bowl is all burned, it’s cashed.

A pipe has a simple tube from the bowl and a small hole for the mouth, plus a carb hole on the side of the bowl, which must be covered while inhaling. The carb allows air into the bowl when not smoking, so the weed doesn’t burn too quickly between hits. The longer the stem, the less harsh the hit will be, because the smoke has time to cool off. Pipes are less harsh than joints and blunts but still pretty rough. A pipe can be made of many different materials. DIY pipes carved out of apples are a classic “no other options” stand-in. A chillum is a type of pipe that is straight, with the bowl facing outwards instead of upwards with no carb. A pipe with a very small bowl is called a one-hitter, since you can only fit one hit in it. A character might choose a pipe for portability, ease of hiding, or price.

A bubbler is a water pipe that uses water to cool and condense the smoke. The hole leading from the bowl descends into a small, enclosed compartment of water. The smoke goes into the water, then rises up a second tube to the small hole for the mouth. Like a dry pipe, it has a carb next to the bowl. They’re about two to three times the size of a dry pipe, not as portable, and more expensive. They are much less harsh than a pipe, though, and a good compromise between a pipe and a bong.

A bong is a long tube with a large water vessel at the bottom, usually like an Erlenmeyer flask with a really long neck The top has an opening which fits around the smoker’s mouth. The bowl is not connected but is shaped like a funnel with a stem that fits into a long tube that descends into the water vessel. Instead of a hit, smoking from a bong is called a rip. The smoke goes into the water, where it’s cooled and condensed, then continues to cool as it moves up the long neck to the smoker’s mouth. The bong will fill with smoke as long as there is suction between your mouth and the smoldering bowl. To end the suction, the stem is removed so clean air can replace the smoke as you inhale it. In order to not waste smoke, you should know how much you can inhale compared to the volume of the bong. Bongs can be filled with ice to cool the smoke further or have multiple chambers and twisty necks. They are much easier on the lungs than pipes or bubblers. They are also large, cumbersome, easy to break, hard to hide, and can be expensive. A character that owns a bong is a dedicated weed smoker with their own space where they don’t need to hide it, and the quality or lavishness of the bong will say a lot. Broke characters could improvise a bong by cutting a hole in a plastic bottle and inserting a tin foil funnel. That is janky as hell.

Finally, vaping cannabis took off in popularity at the same time as vaping tobacco. Cannabis oil cartridges are installed into a small vape pen, which can then be smoked somewhat discretely (less smelly than smoke, but it still smells!) with supposedly less damage to the lungs.

Effects

Different people react differently, much of which is based on their physiology and their mental state. Anxious people may become more anxious. Depressed people may become more lethargic. Affectionate people might get cuddly. Here’s some key elements:

Stoned/Faded: Reaction times slow. Memory becomes worse. Time perception is altered. You might repeat the same conversation over and over. The body feels heavy. Everything seems funny. You might become hyperfocused on something very specific or become intensely immersed in a story or TV show. Imagination and creative thinking improve. You may feel sleepy or serene.

Paranoia: Paradoxically, cannabis can create anxious paranoia, usually related to worrying that everyone can tell you’re high. The world looks very different to you, so it’s hard to imagine that you don’t look different to it. Slow reaction times mean that you might not notice someone moving until they already have, which can be startling and make you jump.

The Munchies: Cannabis is useful for people with appetite or nausea issues because it does cause cravings and the urge to eat. It doesn’t cause hunger, just intense craving. The intense focus of being stoned lets you focus on flavors more, which means food usually tastes better.

Baked: This term is synonymous with ‘stoned’ but it also implies some unpleasant side effects, like dry or bloodshot eyes, smoke-rough throats and voices, and an oppressive laziness that makes it hard to do things.

Second Stoning: Happens to some people, not all. Because THC bonds with fats, if you consume fats while you’re stoned, it will become bonded with those fats as they’re stored in your body. Your body fat works on a first-in-last-out system, so if you burn fat the day after toking up, the THC will be released into your system, causing you to get high again.

Is there anything I missed? Let me know!

[thrawns-babygirl]

Tw Addiction, drugs

Y'all I'm officially 6 months sober and I can't believe it.

I know a lot of people scoff at the idea of marijuana addiction, saying its not real but it absolutely is. I spent the better part of 5 years stoned literally every single day. Spending hours upon hours smoking joint after joint doing literally nothing else. I would smoke before I did anything and everything, it was my entire personality and it was fucking me up in a really bad way.

I wouldn't go out to friends places unless people were smoking up, I wouldn't leave the house for days at a time unless I was buying more pot, I went to work stoned but no one could tell because I was literally always stoned so so many people literally though that was just how I was.

It was unhealthy and in the end it really fucked me up. It gave me some lasting negative effects on my mental health, it gave me severe paranoia that I still struggle with 6 months on as well as heightened my anxiety to a degree I've never dealt with before.

The withdrawals were intense, dizziness, nausea, vomiting, no appetite, totally unable to sleep for weeks.

I lost friends because so many people I hung out with only cared about smoking and getting high together so they just don't contact me amymore.

Its still hard to ignore the cravings when people bring it up and talk about smoking socially, but its something that im learning to work through and deal with.

I hate how people treat pot addiction as if its a joke or not real because it really truly is. And I am so proud of myself for getting through the last six months. Its been hard, but its been oh so worth it.

So if you're struggling with addiction, just know it is 100% possible to overcome. You can do it. Its hard but it's so insanely rewarding. You can rebuild your life and your social circles. You can become the person you thought you never could be.

I believe in you.

Don't give up.

[alstroemeriatea]

i refuse to let hbo!supernatural die so

Claire is a nephilim and hates that her eyes turn gold and the color itself - she wears silver jewelry exclusively

Jody has night terrors of her son dying in her arms and getting infected with the disease he carried herself. she does police work from home most of the time

Dean and Claire go for walks in the forest sometimes and end up staying out late enough they end up building campfires and talking for hours. Dean ends up giving Claire her first tattoo with a stick and poke

Cas’ hair tends to grey when he’s low on grace and it always makes dean look twice. when dean gets older and his own hair starts to grey cas tries to heal him with grace. it doesn’t work.

Sam’s hands are stained red because of the blood addiction. no matter how hard he tries to scrub it doesn’t go away

Jack takes twice the amount of adderall to deal with his ADHD which is more of a grace/soul problem than a genetic linked problem.

Kaia practices spiritualism regularly and constantly has a hamsa or an evil eye on her for protection. she smells like inscence and marijuana

Krissy Chambers writes to dean regularly and he often writes back to her. they have an unspoken agreement that they’d drop whatever they’re doing in a moments notice for one another.

[the-black-dragons-den]

seeking advice if you have experience with cannabis cessation, addiction recovery, substance use disorder, and/or mental health issues, specifically depression, anxiety, and/or borderline personality disorder

tldr; I have to quit cannabis and i'm having a hard time because of my mental health symptoms, specifically being irritable as fuck and i need help/advice on how to get a handle on that

even if you don't have any advice for me, please reblog

background info:

so i've been diagnosed with major depressive disorder (highly treatment resistant), generalized anxiety disorder, and borderline personality disorder.

for the past several years, i've been using cannabis quite effectively to combat the various symptoms of my mental health diagnoses. but in my state, you can't get a medical marijuana card for mental health diagnoses.

i'm starting a trade training program soon, and it's free, and part of the requirement is to be drug-free, including cannabis, since it's still federally illegal. it's not like a "fail-once-you're-out" kind of thing (for cannabis), it's that over a series of drug tests, your levels have to start going down, and they want you clean by the 3rd week of the program.

the program starts at the beginning of september. i've had one drug test at orientation that I definitely failed, but i've been reducing my intake dramatically. used to smoke several bowls a day and in the course of a month, i've gotten myself off of flower entirely. i hit a concentrate pen a couple times a day, and i'm weaning myself off of that too.

lucky for me the withdrawal symptoms from cannabis are basically the mental health symptoms i use cannabis to combat

the difficulty:

i've definitely been feeling the effects of lessening my intake. the anxiety hasn't been too much of an issue but the depression is creeping in. however. i have lived in the pit of depression and anxiety for so long that that stuff doesn't even worry me any more. i'll be able to deal with that okay. i've also come too fucking far with my mental health to give up now, depression is a weak bitch and i've grown strong.

what i'm struggling with is a particular symptom of the BPD. overreactive emotions, particularly irritation. i get irritated by. the littlest things.

like if someone's rude to me (or if i perceive it that way). or if someone's going under the speed limit. or when they stock the shelves too full at the store and stuff falls on me while i'm working. or not getting enough sleep. when someone in the apartment parking lot thinks the "no back-in parking" rule doesn't apply to them. the AC being broken in my car, during our fucking 90 degree summer. little stuff.

it sticks into my brain like a metaphorical porcupine spine and it lives there the rest of the day. and by the end of the day i have like 85 porcupine spines in my brain and i'm ready to lose my shit. it feels, in a way, like my brain is on fire - raw and exposed and vulnerable and like the tiniest thing is going to make it melt entirely.

this is going to sound like an overreaction (but hey that's BPD for you) but i feel like the world has been designed to be sandpaper against my brain, and i'm not allowed to show any signs of discomfort. i am doing my best to put into words how fucking uncomfortable it is for me to live like this, and the words do not feel like enough.

being 100% sober from cannabis is actual hell for me, because the cannabis is the only thing i've been able to find that calms that rage, the irritation, the frustration. it lets the porcupine spines slide out. it puts out the flame and puts a balm on the raw, sandpapered embodiment of my resilience.

this morning i had a tough morning. slept terribly, woke up sweaty and cold, had the worst headache of my life last night. the meat we set out (in the fridge) to thaw for the crockpot didn't thaw. went to work exhausted. aforementioned overstocked-things-fall-on-me. scanner shits out 45 minutes into my day. customers asking me for things when i clearly am not an actual store employee. that's like 8 porcupine spines by 9 am. by the time i had my break, i was overwhelmed, totally pissed off, totally irritated, just rage-swirling in my brain. on my break, i took a hearty puff from my concentrate pen. and then. i was fine. for pretty much the rest of the day. like irritations still came up but they didn't stick like they did before, they rolled off much easier. because that's what cannabis does for me.

but i don't get to use cannabis to de-rage anymore. and that's the problem.

the advice/help i need:

suggestions for handling irritation in the moment so it doesn't get to the point of being overwhelming, therapy tricks, etc

suggestions on anything natural i can take or introduce into my diet that will help with the withdrawal

suggestions on how to avoid going back to cannabis (and therefore blowing my chance for this program)

basically any anger management suggestions

i really ought to get back into therapy, but since i'm not working while i'm taking the class, i can't super afford therapy right now

this is a sincere plea. most people think i'm a really nice person and they don't realize that it's because i'm on at least a little bit of cannabis almost all the time. without it, i'm such a bitch, and not because i want to be a bitch but because i feel like my brain is getting clawed to pieces and i just react, because, BPD.

anything you've got. help. please.

[roboticchibitan]

I am pro cannabis legalization, by the way. I have used weed to manage my chronic pain (and the occasional nausea and stress overload) for several years, and am only quitting because I found a medication that works better for pain but the weed renders it ineffective. When I smoke while I’m on this medication, my pain actually gets worse. So I am quitting. But I will always support full legalization. I also don’t care if your only weed use is recreational. Who cares, it’s just weed.

That being said, I feel like too many people take “No one has ever died of weed overdose” to mean “weed is perfectly safe and we don’t need to be cautious about this.” Which just isn’t true. It’s true that if you smoke every day for a year and quit cold turkey, you might feel kinda gross for a while but you’re not gonna have a seizure and die like you might with opioid withdrawals. Last time I quit smoking after a long period of daily use, my only withdrawal symptoms were a headache that was manageable and my right eyelid kept occasionally twitching. I’ve had worse withdrawal affects from fucking coffee. But that’s not the only way a medication can be harmful.

Weed isn’t researched well enough to know how it interacts with different medications. And we don’t know enough about long term effects of weed. And while it’s less addictive than opioids, it definitely can be addictive. I’ve seen it. That being said, there is debate about using marijuana to treat opioid addiction. Some recovered addicts say they couldn’t have done it without the help of weed. But mental health experts are wary of the idea. There is a pilot program in Illinois working on this issue.

I just feel like there needs to be a balance between “weed is pretty harmless as far as drugs go” and “weed is a substance that DOES have possible side effects so you need to treat it seriously” because all medicine/substances have side effects.

I support recreational use because it’s really not a big deal to smoke weed, so who cares if people do it for fun instead of for medical reasons! My therapist once suggested to me that using recreational marijuana was also a contributing factor to my wellness, because it’s relaxing and fun and we need that in our lives. And as long as it’s not your ONLY source of relaxation and fun, what does it fucking matter. It’s no different than having a glass of wine at the end of the day.

Weed is not the scary drug it’s made out to be by some people, but it’s also not the completely harmless miracle drug other people claim it is. It’s not a black and white issue. But, overall, weed has more benefits than it has issues, so I fully support full federal legalization.

[galaxywarp]

I’m curious how you fell into it, if that makes sense and isn’t too intrusive? Because addiction runs in my family and I’m always worried about substances

Nah im fine talking about this

It started when I was about 16 years old and began smoking weed. I wanna emphasize that I’m 100% supportive of marijuana both medically and recreationally for people who can use it without bringing harm to themselves. Plenty of people can use marijuana without a problem and I’m all for it. But it’s important to be honest with yourself about how you’re using it and how you feel about it. For me, I became obsessed with using it to escape. I wanted to be high all day every day, because I was trying to numb myself to my thoughts and emotions. It came to a point where if I WASNT high, I was deeply uncomfortable and unhappy. I could no long stand being sober, and that’s a HUGE red flag

What followed was that by 18, weed wasn’t enough for me. My tolerance was so high that I couldn’t get the effects I wanted anymore. I could never get high enough to be satisfied. So I began experimenting with other drugs. I started messing around with pills and hallucinogens. I started asking my dealers if they had anything else available, and I was willing to take anything they could give me. Again, I was chasing a desperate need to be outside of myself and avoid my thoughts and feelings

This led to a fateful night where I was with an old friend, and he introduced me to fentanyl. I was fairly ignorant to what it was when I tried it (spoiler alert: it’s heroin but a LOT worse) but the moment I tried it I became addicted. It was like eating the forbidden fruit—I felt so euphoric and happy and I was certain this was the feeling I was missing my entire life and that I never wanted to go back to how I felt without it. I wanted more and more and more of it, every day, forever

The problem is that tolerance builds fast. I could never get as high as I got that first time, but I desperately chased the feeling regardless. It was barely a month into daily using that I began getting sick when I wasn’t high — my body would ache, my stomach would hurt, I would feel deeply restless and uncomfortable. But, stuck in denial about what was happening to me, I chose to use even MORE to deal with the dope sickness. I chose to be blind to the downward spiral I was in, digging myself deeper and deeper into addiction

The next several years of my life are a blur of painful memories. Every day was excruciating. I woke up sick—so sick and in so much pain that I couldn’t even think of anything besides getting my fix to get myself back to some level of normalcy. I wasn’t getting high anymore. Not really. I was just fighting off being sick from withdrawal. When I did sometimes get some dope that was strong enough to get me high it was usually so strong that I would black out/lose consciousness. This was dangerous as fuck. I easily could have stopped breathing any one of those times, and I used alone so no one would have been there to save me.

So yeah. That’s a decent summary, I think. Thank you for asking — it helps me a lot to be able to share about this stuff

[andmyvape]

You know...

People talk about drugs like if you give someone who wants them whatever drug they're asking for in whatever amount they're asking for, they'll become hopelessly addicted and ruin their lives

Now I'm not arguing that addiction isn't fucking awful but I fervently believe those in the newer circles of rehabilitative care theory that are putting forward the idea that addiction, at its core, is self medication. Unregulated, self destructive self medication in too many cases, but it's not the drugs themselves in so many cases, huffing paint thinner and other examples not withstanding, but honestly I don't think people would do that if they had alternatives that ARE less damaging.

It's the pain and lack of support that drives so many people to alleviate their pain or stress which really is just pain too by numbing it with drugs. It helps, but they don't regulate, they don't find alternatives to cope with whatever they're medicating that lighten the need for the medication alone, their tolerance builds up, they don't know what they're medicating enough to know how to do that consciously and more safely...

It's a nightmare that is truly systemic, not some moral failing or some contagion inherent to the human spirit. I can't currently think of any example of an organism that wouldn't practice homeostasis when outside of whatever range of normal function they're supposed to be in. Not for some philosophical or spiritual reason, in this sense specifically it is purely biological, and I find it to be DEEPLY disturbing that so many people I encounter in my life INSIST that being in constant discomfort is somehow a state to aspire to and be proud of. Being able to safely handle exiting a space that would provide you homeostasis means being able to MAINTAIN that homeostasis when you go elsewhere or do other things. It's NOT about giving in to the idea that if you prefer to be comfortable that you are somehow weak or inferior. That is not a mark of strength, it's a mark of how damaged a person is.

Grandpa, stop ranting about my generation not wanting to be "triggered" you literally JUST threw a hissy fit because they didn't have your slim jims at the corner store and the cashier wouldn't give it to you for free. Your comfort is predicated on unfairly demanding behaviors from others that is not being reciprocated in a worthwhile way. I don't think that's more valid than my being upset that a man who claims to love me is more interested in mocking a caricature of a trans person that isn't actually me. But I digress

The point my adhd ass is making here is that I think I understand a bit more about what I've been arguing this entire time. Not that I didn't understand it at all before so much as that I've been given new depth. I have a pain condition, possibly multiple, have my entire life, and I have always been rather fixated on whatever would alleviate that pain. When Tylenol stopped working, I stopped using it. Eventually I found marijuana which has done me WONDERS but I've been dealing with worsening health issues due to various reasons and it's not quite doing enough. I had to be taken off all my meds because of a bad interaction and in the month before we start reintegrating meds that might help, my doctor gave me benadryl

Now, I've been taking benadryl on and off for years for anxiety and insomnia. I can't do it long, some toxicity issue I think? Or organ failure. Can't remember right now. The guideline is a two week limit, and I've found by the end of that two weeks it is very hard for me to get the effect I need without running into the 300mg daily cap. And the times I've taken it before it hasn't done much but make me sleep eventually and relax for a few hours

That has changed. Now when I take my benadryl, I can feel it kick in like God Herself just grabbed me by the scruff of the neck, total limpness, the anxiety isn't GONE but it's so much more manageable. The cessation of pain is so fucking nice, which I understand is a HUGE component of addiction outside of the direct chemical alterations over time becoming unpleasant or downright agonizing to reverse. Being so uncomfortable and having it relieved that quickly is amazing. It doesn't make the problem that is causing me the stress or pain go away, but it does give me clarity of mind that lets me take action to make my life better, for myself and my loved ones

Now here's the kicker for me. I HAVE taken benadryl before, but when I did, my conditions were so unmanaged that it just really did not do THIS much. And at that time, I very much required things that were stronger, for both pain and mental distress. I was given them after some hospitalizations, begrudgingly, and surprise of surprises it helped me. I started to improve. Pretty significantly. Years later, they started making me sick, thus the meds having to be changed now, and honestly I was TERRIFIED because I thought the benadryl wouldn't be enough, like it was before, and I'd spend a month in agony. I was so wrong yall

So here's what I think, in my amateurishly educated opinion: if they had just given me the medicine I was asking for instead of taking my agency away in denying my medication that could have helped but could also have consequences that they felt weren't worth the risk. Maybe they were, maybe there weren't, but... Shouldn't that have been my choice? And I did eventually get put on something stronger, which led to me having the strength and spoons and clarity I needed to make changes over time that have led to me being able to be helped by the benadryl now. They couldn't have just handed me a bottle of percocet at 14 and said "Good luck!" because YES that would have been it's own kind of damaging, but I have trouble with authority, and at least the damage would have been mine to cause. After all, it was my body

But... What they could have done, what research is proving again and again ACTUALLY works more than patriarchal denial of bodily autonomy on the basis of my supposed "inherently and deeply lacking ability to make choices for my own health," is just... Giving me the meds I asked for. Tell me the risks, help me manage the potential consequences, trust me to tell you when I feel sick instead of functional. To not just keep taking more and more of whatever drug that is helping me but you've decided I'm having FUN with, to the point that being denied the care I needed was damaging. If you had trusted me, I would have trusted you, and we could have made a plan that would have probably resulted in what's happened now, me finding that benadryl actually is enough now and crying in sheer joy that I've finally worked hard enough to get this far

But that would have implied that I have an ability and right to make decisions about how to take care of my own body, right?

This isn't a story that hasn't been experienced and shared so many times that it all paints a detailed and disturbing tapestry of how little bodily autonomy matters in this system. Too many demographics are judged as being "at risk for addiction" without the judgement being made by people who care that those demographics are at risk because of so fucking many social and systemic inequalities that leave so fucking many deprived of preventative, proactive care that would ultimately ease the burden of emergency care that has to be given once things get to a point considered "bad enough" and that's just... Not okay.