#I DIDN'T KNOW THAT TUMBLR HAD A WORD LIMIT BUT I GUESS I FOUND IT

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Everyone Else Is No.2 {One-Shot}***

Lewis Hamilton x Attorney Friend Reader

Warning: Cursing, NSFW, Mature 18+ Content, Angst, PLENTY OF WORDS, DIALOGUE HEAVY

Words: 15.2k

Summary: Again, nah.

Note: Inspired by that old August Alsina song "Kissing on My Tattoos". So sorry for how long it is and for the long sentences toward the end, it couldn't be any other way. Forgive the weird spacing throughout, Tumblr has a 1,000 block limit per post, and guess who reached it before correcting the spacing.

Note II: Really interested in hearing what you guys think about this one. Let me know.

As always, thank you guys for reading! I appreciate it. I hope you enjoy this.

If you did enjoy this, please, LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG!!!

***NOT Edited/Proofread***

-Y/N-

"You're beautiful you know that right?"

You smiled and took a sip of your drink.

"Thanks."

The man sitting across from you, Darius, nodded and before he looked down to his plate you caught his eyes drop to your cleavage. Of course, you thought. This was your 2nd date with him. The first went smoothly though you'd went with little to no expectations for it to be so. Tonight, he said the right things, did the right things, and was the perfect gentleman.

He'd even chosen a great restaurant. The ambiance was perfect for a second date. So far you had only counted 2 things that were less than satisfactory, everything was on point. He was so on point that you wondered if he was acting and not being his genuine self.

You hated the dating scene. Everyone held their cards too close to their chest. No one was ever real about anything. Everyone liked to waste people's time all in the name of fun and sex. These days you only treated dating as a pastime and a way to relieve stress after long hours of working on briefs and reviewing case files.

"A woman with your track record in law. Wheeew. Was it hard?"

You shrugged then wiped the corner of your mouth, "It definitely wasn't easy. I still remember the sleepless nights, and times when I only had 1 meal a day. My parents still remember not seeing me for 3 months because of the bar and my first major case that came nearly right behind the other. They won't let me forget it."

"It looks like it paid off. You're on the partner track. Shit, you'd be the first woman under 35 to make that happen at Halsey Boyd and Crenshaw," Darius said.

You bristled, but politely smiled and took another sip of your wine.

"I'm sorry I don’t mean to make this weird I'm just in awe of you."

You studied him for a few moments but found no lie. You could always tell a lie. No matter what the case, no matter who it was. It was your secret weapon and it served you well as a lawyer.

"Thank you, but enough about me. What about you? Tell me about Darius Forrester."

He smiled, licked his lips then looked you directly in the eye.

"I'm pretty much a what you see you get kind of guy. I've been at Berry & Clark for the last 6 years as a criminal attorney. The work is challenging but I do alright for myself.

You nodded. He did. From what you heard his win ratio was nearly 92% and he took upstanding cases. He was a good attorney. Normally you wouldn’t shit where you ate because mess was not your style. You did not want to walk into a courtroom or boardroom and see the opposing counsel was an ex. That one thing gave you nightmares.

So dating lawyers was out of the question. You dipped in every other career field, playing it safe. The further they were from a law career the better. However, after a conversation with your other lawyer girlfriends about limiting oneself in the already limited dating pool, something clicked, and you decided to try it once but only if they weren't in your firm. Darius was your first attempt.

As he continued to tell you facts about himself you listened, but he didn't have your full attention. There was another person who held your attention, a person who though was usually out of sight was never really out of mind.

You heard your phone sound from your clutch resting on the table and both your eyes shot to it. Darius spoke before you moved.

"Go ahead please."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm an attorney as well, Y/N I know you come attached to it."

You smiled, held up your finger to him silently promising it would be quick, then took your phone in hand. You expected it to be Kemi, your paralegal, with files you were expecting, but it wasn't her name on your screen.

MSG Lewis: What're you doing tonight? Going over an endless to-do list of contracts and briefs?

You smirked.

MSG: Not even close.

MSG Lewis: Wow did someone finally decide to live a little and cut loose?

MSG: This sounds an awful lot like the pot calling the kettle black.

MSG Lewis: Plead the 5th.

MSG: The Lewis Hamilton out maneuvered. Say it ain't so.

MSG: I'm close to your place. Just got back in town. Can you be ready in 10?

Your eyes flitted to Darius across from you who was taking the time to check his messages as well. You looked over him slowly, noting again how great he looked in his suit and how you liked the effort he had put in the last 2 dates down to the flowers he brought you and the activities you'd done. Things could progress if you chose to allow them to.

MSG Lewis: Is that a no?

MSG: I'm not home.

MSG Lewis: Okay. Where you at, the office? I can come pick you up.

MSG: I'm not at the office. I'm actually on a date.

You waited a few seconds, but he didn’t reply. Why didn't he reply?

"Everything ok?"

Caught off guard, you looked back up to Darius whose eyes were already on you. His brows were knitted with concern.

"Uh--yeah. I uh--I think so."

"A case?"

You thought about it and technically he was right. You were Lewis' entertainment lawyer. You were his personal attorney who reviewed the contracts after the company attorney said they had. You gave it to him between the eyes, never sugarcoating, and told him what was made with his best interest and what was made to capitalize off of him. However, when your services weren’t needed you were friends. Had been for practically a decade now.

Sometimes you couldn’t believe you’d known each other that long. You’d known him since he was just another F1 driver rather than the greatest. He knew you when you were going through school always on an empty tank all in the hopes of rising above the tax bracket you were born into. A decade later and he was dominating F1 and you’d more than risen yourself several levels past the tax bracket you’d been born into.

You were on the partner track at one of the largest firms in Europe. You brought in more revenue than most of the attorneys at the firm thanks to your high-class clientele. You'd both worked your asses off to get to this level and enjoyed the spoils of your labor often. You clubbed together, went to dinner, and sometimes did the vacation vibe together. You enjoyed one another’s company.  

"A client."

"Oh. Everything cool or---," Darius said.

Another message came in just then. "Everything is cool."

Darius smiled. "Good. I'll be right back, men’s room."

"Yeah."

Darius stood then walked off leaving you with the perfect opportunity to check your phone.

MSG Lewis: Is that right?

MSG: Yeah. 2nd date. Well technically 3rd if you can have 2 dates in one day.

MSG Lewis: Cool. Is it going well?

MSG: Yeah. He's made it this far.

MSG Lewis: Cool.

MSG: When he drops me home Ill text you. Come get me then.

Several moments passed before he replied. Again, you wondered why.

MSG Lewis: Cool.

The remainder of dinner you were distracted. Darius played all his cards right, even scoring himself the green light on a little hand-holding action. You had to admit he was smooth. When he pulled up to your condo building he walked you to your door then went in for a kiss. You hadn’t expected it, but rather than pull away, you allowed it to play out. It wasn’t a bad kiss. He hadn’t been too overzealous, only slipped you a little tongue, and had kept his hands respectful. All in all, for a first kiss it was a solid 8.

With a promise to call to set date number 4 sometime next week, you went inside and allowed yourself to come down. The dating scene was not something you enjoyed often. You always felt like you were performing, like men wanted a certain kind of woman, the perfect woman who they could prance around on their arm to make other men envious and that took its toll.

You never felt you had to perform with Lewis. Never felt like he wanted the perfect you. He made fun of you whenever you were perfectly put together for work meetings and said many times he liked you out of the makeup and heels. After another sigh, you took your phone out and texted him.

~~~~~~

-Lewis-

The ceiling looked like every other ceiling he’d ever seen but that didn’t stop him from focusing most of his attention on it like it was the most interesting piece of construction ever. His eyes should have been focused elsewhere but they weren’t. A loud 'slurp' echoed in the mostly quiet room reminding him again that he wasn’t alone.

"Mm. Why are you so distracted tonight, bae?"

Julissa's voice was as smooth as honey and as seductive as ever. He lowered his eyes to where she was kneeling between his legs and took her in. Her lips and chin were wet as she gave him her bedroom eyes. This was not the first time between them. Usually, it would work but not tonight. Tonight he was struggling to even keep his head in the room.

He watched her tip her tongue out and lick from the base of his dick to the glistening tip. Once there she swirled her tongue around him then sucked his head into her mouth. He’d have to be dead for it not to feel nice but that’s all it was--nice.

He sighed then brought his attention back to the ceiling. "Work."

"Aw babe, when you’re with me work should be the last thing on your mind," Julissa said before lowering her mouth down his shaft. When he felt her tonsils he groaned. His body wanted to like this wanted to give her the reaction she was working so hard for, but something was holding him back. Julissa's mouth bobbed up and down his cock sucking and slurping to her heart’s content trying to get him off, but he knew she had her work cut out for her.

He thought back to your text from 2 hours ago. You were on a date. Well shit, he hadn’t seen that coming. That was the last thing he had expected you to be doing tonight. It wasn’t because you weren’t desirable, or he thought no man would want you. For fuck's sake, you were beyond desirable, you were gorgeous and so damn intelligent. He couldn’t figure out which of those made you more beautiful, your looks or your brains. You also worked hard to be where you were, and you deserved all the praise and attention you got wherever you went.

However, sometimes he wished you got a little less male attention--x that, a lot less male attention. He sighed again. This had been going on for 10 years now. Your friendship had only strengthened but along with a strengthening friendship came a lot of other stuff. Stuff like him taking notice of the fullness of your hips or being tempted to peek when you’d been changing in the backseat of his car, or being painfully aware of how your breasts felt against his chest when you hugged.

That coupled with things he had picked up from you, made the unspoken and ignored things that much more—confusing. There were times when the way you stared at him when you thought he wasn’t looking spoke volumes or the way your hand always lingered on him for a few seconds longer than necessary but not long enough for it to be inappropriate, or the time you'd fallen asleep together on the couch and he'd woken to you wrapped around him using him as your personal body pillow and mumbling his name in your sleep.

Yeah, there was a lot of extra stuff, stuff neither of you ever addressed. The only ones who assessed it were his friends. Miles told him on several occasions that he should be careful before he or you fucked around, and someone ended up hurt. That stuck with him, but not in the way Miles had probably meant it. Rather than taking it the way Miles meant, he used it as a means to keep himself in check, a form of prevention from him crossing the line. He knew if he did, neither of you would be able to go back. It would be impossible and was one fuck up worth a decades-long friendship?

So friends were where you stayed until he added another facet--professional. Years passed, dates passed, flings, non-labeled encounters on both your parts passed and through it all your friendship remained, and nothing changed. Except today there was even more extra stuff.

The feel of Julissa’s lips wrapped around his balls sent his hips jerking upward as a curse left his lips. Julissa moaned and giggled.

“Daddy likes that?”

He knew how he would like it more. As quickly as he revved to that thought he steered away from it. That was when his phone sounded.

MSG Y/N: I’m home. Whatdaya you wanna do? Should I change?

His eye caught the time. 1am. Almost 3 hours from your last text and you were only now getting home. Clenching his jaw he took a deep breath. He had no right to be mad or annoyed right now. He knew where this was coming from. You’d been on a date, and you said it was going well. A date going well had a chance of making it upstairs. He closed his eyes squeezing them tightly. He hoped to God that you hadn’t just gotten it in.

MSG Y/N: Hello?

MSG: You don’t have to change. How about some treats and a view?

MSG Y/N: Okay. Still 10?

MSG: Make it 15.

Pulling himself up he reached down to stop Julissa. She looked confused.

“I gotta go J.”

Now she looked even more confused. He didn’t owe her an explanation, that’s not how this worked between them.

“With your dick out?”

He scoffed then fixed himself as he stood.

“Lewis this’s never happened before. Are--,” she began before he cut her off.

“All good, just—not in the mood I guess.”

She looked offended now. “I’m sorry J. We’ll talk.”

He walked to the door then left her apartment without a glance back. He didn’t feel any way about it because both of them knew what their relationship was and wasn’t. She’d agreed. Once he was in his car, he zipped through the London streets maneuvering the quickest route to your place. Thanks to the time it was an easy drive with minimal traffic. 15 minutes on the dot he swerved around to the front of your luxury condo building then sent you a text letting you know he was there.

A few minutes later, he peeped you from the corner of his eye. You walked off the elevator in a short and tight black dress, impossibly high strappy black heels, and a flowy robe-like jacket that danced behind you as you walked.

“Fuck.”

You were beautiful. Just then the thought that you’d gone on a date dressed like this rubbed him wrong. Some other man had seen this view, a view you gave willingly. Clenching his jaw, he looked through his windshield as he tried to push all those thoughts—all that other stuff to the side as he’d done countless times before. He looked back just in time to see you open the door of his car then climb in. His eyes dropped to your legs but seconds later he corrected that.

“Hi!”

Your smile was bright as if you really were as happy to see him as your voice indicated.

“Hey.”

You reached over and pressed your cheek to his for a bougie kiss. The only thing he could think was that you smelled like a treat all by yourself.

“How are you?”

“Good. You?”

“Good. Wow, what’s it been? 2 months?”

He shrugged as he shifted gears and took off. “Something like that.”

“Mercedes sure knows how to keep you busy,” you teased.

He tried to focus on the road but from his peripheral, he could see you crossing your legs displaying even more skin.

“What were you doing? You smell like fruits.”

He chastised himself because he hadn’t done a bit of cleaning up before he came. His only thought was you. Julissa’s fruity lip gloss still stained his dick that he couldn’t manage to get hard for her.

“Nowhere special. Just kickin’ it.”

You didn’t press further which said you knew just what he was doing. He clenched his jaw again, this time annoyed with himself. As he drove to the dessert place you told him about what was going on in your life while he shared some bits of his with you. Like always conversation flowed like a calm river. It was something he loved. It didn’t take long for him to pull up to the drive-thru of the vegan dessert shop. When it was his turn at the window he tipped his hat lower and left the ordering to you.

You ordered damn near everything on the menu. You didn’t care if it was cake, cupcake, ice cream, brownie, or whipped cream. You ordered at least 2 of everything. It took the staff a good 5 minutes to prepare it all and when he loaded them in the backseat it was completely filled. When he looked at you with an “are you serious right now” look, all you did was giggle. Fuck, he thought. There went all that extra stuff again.

“There is no way we can finish all this,” he said looking at the bags they’d moved to the front since parking at their destination.

“Speak for yourself. I always have room for sugar, sugar.”

He snorted then shook his head. “Mad whack.”

Your jaw dropped as you gaped at him, and you looked too fucking adorable. You sifted through the bags until you found the dessert you wanted—the vanilla bean cheesecake. Your eyes lit up as you gawked at the large slice that was topped with white chocolate shavings. “It's so pretty,” you gushed.

He watched you snap picture after picture of the treat before you took your first forkful. When you did, your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you let out a completely indulgent, hearty, and dick-hardening moan. The fuck, he thought as his dick spasmed to life. Quickly he moved one of the bags to his lap and looked out the window.

“This is so good,” you obliviously said still munching on cake.

He pulled out the vegan chocolate truffle cake and took a bite. It too was good.

“That looks good. Is it?”

“Try it,” he said holding out a forkful to your mouth.

You paused for a split second then cut off a piece of your cheesecake before you held your fork to his mouth.

“You try too.”

The image that came to mind was that of a new husband and wife feeding each other wedding cake and with it, his throat went dry. He knew if he tried to speak he’d sound like a pre-pubescent boy, so he wrapped his lips around your fork taking the piece of cake then fed you his. Your eyes lingered on one another for a few moments nut when you moaned again his dick spasmed again. with that he turned his head so fast that he was surprised he hadn’t snapped his own neck in the process.

“So good,” you repeated.

The two of you sat there commenting on the desserts you went through in record time. He didn’t indulge in sweets often but when he did he found it was usually with your sugar-addicted ass. You said there were 4 things in life you would never give up, sugar, your favorite perfume, your favorite underwear set, and sex. He believed you on all points. When there were only a few pieces of cake left the silence in the car stretched.

“So—a date huh.”

“A date.”

“I thought you gave up dating.”

You took a deep breath then slowly released it before turning your body at an angle facing him. The hem of your dress hiked a little higher and he forced himself to look away.

“I did. Then I got bored and he asked.”

“What does he do?”

You didn’t answer automatically, instead, you took another forkful or 2 of cake, then you spoke.

“He’s an attorney.”

“I thought you didn’t date attorneys.”

“I don’t but me and the girls were talking, and it clicked that by x-ing out a whole career field greatly decreased me finding someone who could stick around.”

He paused. Stick around? This was new.

“Stick around? Are you—are you looking for something—serious?”

You took a beat then shrugged. “I don’t know. I thought the other day, I have everything I have ever wanted. I am on this partner track, I make very high 6 figures, I have a great condo, my mental health is amazing, I have no debt, no baby daddies or drama, I—I’m kinda a catch but I go to sleep alone 98% of my nights. I come home to an empty place, I have no meaningful text exchanges, there is—nothing fulfilling in my life. I began to wonder if it was time to change all of that last bit.”

Silence stretched again as he thought over your words while studying you. This was the first time he’d heard you speak like this. Usually, you changed the subject or downplayed having any other thoughts than fun, sex, and work. Now hearing the vulnerability in your voice he knew you’d come to a point where all of this, intention-free dating, pastime sex, stress-busting flirting and all the meaningless interactions were unfulfilling and empty. You wanted more, you wanted love, a life, a husband, kids, vacation homes, and retirement funds, you wanted the quintessential definition of it all. He also noted you now found everything he was currently partaking in meaningless and unfulfilling.

Dropping his head, he stabbed the cake still in his hands. The more puncture holes it picked up the less and less he wanted it.

“Fuck, maybe I’m just bored and need a really, really, good fuck.”

He snorted but it was humorless.

“Don’t downplay what you feel, Y/N. Don’t—make what you feel insignificant, so you feel less vulnerable. It’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s you and me here.”

“It’s just—you—I know those are things you don’t necessarily want and you’re happy with the--.”

“Who said I don’t want those things?”

His tone was sharp and defensive though he hadn’t meant for it to be.

“Uh—you did.”

“No. I said it’s not something I can afford right now with my schedule and my contract extension. I didn’t say I never wanted it.”

You looked away from him to out the window. “Yeah, but your actions say a lot different,” you mumble.

“What does that mean?”

“Nothing.”

“Y/N, look at me. What does that mean?”

You sat quietly for a few moments then just when he was about to ask again you blurted.

“There is a difference between I don’t want it now and I don’t want it ever. Someone who wants it someday would leave themselves open to it rather than boxing every interaction they have into--other things.”

“What if I don’t want to open myself to it?”

“That’s clear Lew.”

“No. You don’t get it. What if I don’t want to open myself to it because I don’t want to find the perfect thing—the perfect woman and then be fucked because it’s too soon and too hard to keep her in my world to wait until I can make those commitments because my world is fucked—I’m fucked because I want the world and will actually keep going until I get it anyone else be damned.”

He could feel your eyes on him, and it was his turn to feel vulnerable and exposed.

“You think because you put everyone in one box it stops what’s meant to be from—being?”

He glanced at you with a pained expression, he knew it. He was actually feeling pain.

“Also—you’re not fucked because you want the world. I want the fucking world. Am I fucked?”

“To be determined.”

You both busted out laughing then. You laughed for a good minute then smiled as it tapered off.

“Aren’t you the tiniest bit lonely in the other side of your life—away from F1?”

He didn’t need to think about that. He knew the answer, but he didn’t want to tell you. The facts were that he was lonely more times than not. That was when he called someone to come distract him or make him feel good. He’d become an expert in the art of distraction. In his life, he only had time and the capacity for low stress and no mess. He had enough of both already.

He felt your hand creep into his and squeeze gently. Suddenly, there was all this other stuff again. The feel of your smaller hand in his larger one was something he really liked. Usually, when either of you took the other’s hand it was in passing or for a second, but the moment lingered and stretched, and still you kept your hand in his swirling your fingers against his palm and other fingers. He liked this too much.

“You can tell me. I won’t judge you. In fact—I’m lonely.”

His eyes slipped to you. Your head was down staring at your hands. It had now moved to trace the tattoos on his hand with the point of your nail as if his flesh were an adult coloring book. He watched you trace the rose on his pinky, then the planets on his ring finger. When you got to the lined arrow down his middle, he was having trouble swallowing again. Slowly, you traced the spaceship then went up across the sword until you reached his wrist.

He didn’t know if there was rhyme or reason to your movements or if you were just absently doing it. Goosebumps peppered his skin when you went up his forearm. He looked at you just before your eyes met his.

“You are?”

You nodded. “I am,” you whispered.

The air was on but inside the car easily felt like a sweltering 99 degrees. He didn’t know if it was from your touch or if it was the shift in the air between you. Did you notice it too?

“I think it’s okay to be lonely especially looking at how we live. We’re always working, always pushing ourselves to and through glass ceilings and when we do there is no one really there to share it with, not really, not in the way that fulfills,” you said.

Your face was closer to his now. Had he moved closer or was it you? Your eyes met again, and the temperature kicked up again. Fuck, he thought as his dick recklessly spasmed, begging for attention.

“I’m never lonely with you,” he said before his brain could stop his mouth.

A small smile lit your face, “Me too. Never with you.”

The smile slipped. “Well—not always.”

He turned to you more now, curiosity filling him. “What do you mean?”

You stayed quiet for a few moments but kept tracing his skin with your nail.

“There are times I can’t—guess what you’re thinking. Times I can’t—figure you out.”

“Then ask me.”

“Would you really tell me?”

He leaned closer. “I’d tell you anything.”

You searched his eyes, but you didn’t move back.

“Anything?”

He nodded slowly. His head felt hazy like you had him under some sort of spell with nothing more than your presence and the tip of your finger and all he truly wanted was to touch you in return. So he did. Reaching across to your exposed knee, he circled his finger around the smooth skin there. You sucked in a breath the moment his finger touched you and that one action nearly had him pulling you across the partition right onto his lap. Nearly.

So there on a hill that overlooked London, in his car, sitting near enough to a lone road light, you trailed your finger across his forearm while he did the same to your knee. The low light that illuminated the car bathed your skin in amber making him feel like you were on a whole different plane of existence rather than this real proven and tangible one. Your eyes held him in place to the point where he felt like he couldn’t move though he wanted to.

Without even realizing it you were mere inches from him. In fact, you were so close he could make out the hidden colors in your eyes, so close he could smell the fragrance on your skin that went deeper than perfume. This was your essence and by God he was intoxicated. Unable to stop himself, he inched his hand higher gripping your inner thigh. A soft moan fell from your lips and that was all it took for him to press his forehead to yours like the sound was tethered to his very core.

“Y/N,” he groaned.

The sheer might it was taking to keep himself restrained was becoming too much. At this point, it wouldn’t take much for him to abandon those restraints and give in.

“Lewis,” you whispered.

Your voice was raspy and dripping with what he dared label as desire. Fuck, he thought as he squeezed your thigh. He was so close, mere inches and it wouldn’t take much to close the gap between his fingers and your core but still, he fought himself. He was so wrapped up in his own battle for control within himself that he didn’t even realize when your hand rested on his upper thigh. You were dangerously close to kicking the lid off the box of other stuff that he’d worked years to keep shut. Half of him silently begged for you to keep going and kick it off so everything would be out in the open and it would be do or die but the other half of him hesitated still. The unknown was a powerful and sobering drug.

Your hand inched higher, then closer to what was the rock-hard physical evidence that deep down, now closer to the surface than ever before, he felt more, wanted more than what was. He wanted more than he could possibly afford. Still, his hand persisted, it inched higher making your hips jerk forward. The knowledge that he’d hit a sensitive spot sent his system into overdrive making a deep moan from his lips fill the car.

On cue in response, your legs opened a few inches more, making way for his hand. Jesus Christ he thought. There was his consent, you wanted him as he wanted you. There would be nothing wrong with him slipping his fingers underneath whatever underwear you wore. Fuck, he hoped they were lacy and strappy. There would be nothing wrong with him letting your hand slide to the aching dick straining against his pants begging for your attention. Shit, he bet your hands would feel incredible wrapped around him. There would be nothing wrong with him moving closer and finally claiming your lips as his. Damn, he just knew they were as sweet as they looked, that they felt amazing. There would be nothing wrong with him pulling your body against his for more than a clothed hug. There would be nothing wrong with him cupping your breasts and swirling his thumb across your nipple just to see the reaction it elicited. God damn it, he knew your moans would destroy him. There would be nothing wrong with him finally learning what you tasted like, nothing wrong with him finally smearing your wetness across his lips. Holy fuck, he knew you had to taste like pure sugar and cream.

His cock spasmed again then your hand made the move for him. In the same breath with his eyes squeezed tight, he lurched for your hand, gripping you by your wrist stopping you just before you touched him. As he did that his jaw clenched, the only thing he could do to stifle the moan at the tip of his tongue. It came out as a half groan and growl instead. The strangled whine that left you said you liked it, and he knew he had to end this here. It took him some time to find the smallest bit of control to open his eyes, but he didn’t possess enough control to look at you. There was no way he could.

“I’ll take you home,” he said, voice low and so close to a whisper.

He tried to keep the longing, regret, and hope from it. Slowly he removed his hand from your thigh hoping with everything in him that you grabbed it and nudged it higher. You didn’t though, so he turned forward readying himself to drive. You didn’t move for several long moments; you remained there half facing him with your thighs still tempting him to go back and take things further. With his hands on the steering wheel, he trained his eyes forward. He could feel all the antsy energy bouncing off every cell of his body, he could feel all the need in him wreaking havoc on him telling him to stop being a pussy and do what he really wanted to, say what he wanted to, take what he wanted.

His hands squeezed so tightly that the creaking of the leather echoed in the intense silence in the car. Just when he was about to say fuck it, you turned away from him. You softly cleared your throat then buckled yourself in. Sighing, he pushed started the ignition then swerved out of the parked spot they were in taking the route back to the city. As he drove you didn’t speak, you didn’t even move. You kept your head turned away from him looking out the passenger window with your legs crossed away from him. Your body language sent a completely different message now. Before you were open and so close to him. Now, you were so far he wondered if he’d turned Miles’ words into truths.

~~~~~

-Y/N- 8 Months Later-

The loud ‘pop’ of a champagne cork echoed just behind you making you spin in that direction. A group was just behind you laughing and toasting to something you guessed was momentous. You sighed then turned back to the painting you were currently studying. The abstract lines and swoops looked so similar to the slopes of a body. The longer you stared at it the more it felt like an erotic image than some random lines and swirls. There was something about it that stirred something in you, something that you’d ignored and buried so deep, something you hadn’t felt for 8 months.

You drained your champagne glass then squeezed your eyes shut. It had been a long 8 months. You’d worked your ass off times ten taking on more and more clients than before. You brought on 12 celebrity clients and 4 major corporate ones which brought Halsey, Boyd, and Crenshaw to the top of the field in revenue. You brought in so much money that you’d gotten 7 poaching offers from firms in different parts of the country.

Thanks to those offers that you hadn’t necessarily kept confidential, the interest in you for partner rose to unbeatable levels. Anyone you were competing against for the position paled in comparison. Those 8 months of ass-busting work led to your name being signed on the paperwork titling you as the new partner at Halsey Boyd and Crenshaw. It was so much of a done deal that your bank account proudly embraced your new status.

With that new status came an increase in the events you had to make an appearance at as thee number 1 entertainment and criminal attorney in London. Your calendar quickly filled with meetings, speeches, appearances, court appearances, dinners, and more. You were so booked that the next time you had any schedule free time was 6 months away. You’d catapulted so far out of your original tax bracket that you’d shattered the glass ceiling that tried to confine you and now you wondered if you’d aimed too high.

“Looks like I’m right on time.”

You looked to your right and found Darius holding another glass of champagne for you. Smiling, you took it.

“That you are, thank you.”

“Of course. To you, the youngest and newest partner at Halsey Boyd and Crenshaw and in the greater London area.”

You smiled as the man who’d stuck around through your insane schedule, your hot and cold behavior, your pull you close one minute, push you away the next, your disappearing acts, your reluctance to place a label on your interactions, your give me sex then get gone rule, and more for the last 8 months.

“Thank you, Darius,” you said leaning toward him and pressing your lips against his.

Darius moaned and reciprocated the kiss, snaking his hand around your waist and pulling you close. You felt like you were thanking him for much more than the toast and the fresh glass of champagne. You felt like you were thanking him for taking your bare minimum and it made you feel like shit.

Darius pressed his forehead to yours and instantly you had a flash back to the last man who’d done that to you. In a split second, your heart rate spiked, and an intense feeling gripped you.

“You don’t have to thank me, love.”

Your reaction to the action ricocheted through you making you pull away from Darius. Turning back to the painting, you gulped down the champagne.

“It’s crazy that your firm has so many celebrity clients and that this many are here to welcome you as partner,” Darius said in hushed tones.

“It is crazy.”

All night you’d been rubbing elbows with actors, musicians, models, athletes, and more. All of them congratulated you on your promotion and wished you greater success in the future. It was touching but a little bit overwhelming. You couldn’t let on though, so for the entire night you’d been performing, and you were nearing the limits of your stamina for it. You’d been performing for the last 8 months. Shit, you’d even been performing with Darius. You’d been performing ever since you were dropped off in those early morning hours those 8 months ago.

“Y/N,”

To your left, your paralegal now turned assistant, Kemi touched your elbow drawing your attention to her.

“Hey, girl.”

“Hey, you look incredible,” she said.

“Stop saying that please, you’re gonna blow my head up so big I just might start thinking I deserve a higher position.”

She giggled but gave you a look that said “well ya’ do.”

“The big wigs are asking for you, although you’re now one of them so--.”

You snorted while rolling your eyes. “Then doesn’t that make you the big wig assistant?”

She posed then making you laugh.

“I’ll be right back,” you said to Darius as you walked off to find those big wigs.

It didn’t take long before you found them surrounded by a group of about 10 people. When they saw you they waved you over with large smiles on their faces. You took a deep breath and approached them with an equally large smile.

“There she is ladies and gentlemen!”

The group smiled, patted your back, and welcomed you with friendly banter.

“Everyone!”

The music died down and someone handed Malcolm Boyd a microphone. He was your biggest fan, a black man who’d made unfathomable feats in the field and became an incredible mentor and second father to you. He put his arm around your shoulder as he always did.

“I am filled with great happiness and pride calling this woman the new partner here at Halsey, Boyd, and Crenshaw!”

Everyone began applauding then, drowning out his next words so he paused and allowed them a few moments before continuing.

“She has been with us for 6 years now and in those 6 years she has accomplished incredible things and when she was done with those incredible things she moved on to outstanding things. Y/N has reminded many of us of what it means to be determined and persistent. She tackles every case with poise, confidence, and grace and that confidence has given her that 99% win record.”

Again everyone clapped. You softly smiled at them half embarrassed by the praise but half so damn proud of yourself and happy that your accomplishments were being recognized.

“Just as Malcome said, “Patrick Halsey began placing his hand on Malcom’s shoulder, “Y/N more than deserves this promotion and I expect her to blow all of our minds in the coming months and years. We just might have to add another name to the plague.”

Many in the audience hollered and hooted at that and you couldn’t lie that the greedy ambition within you salivated at that possibility. You still wanted more. You exchanged a look with Malcome who gave you an all-knowing look. You just found your next accomplishment. The founding partners took turns praising you and giving reasons why you’d earned this promotion then raised their glasses to you for the ultimate toast of congratulations. You humbly thanked them and gave a quick appreciative speech before lifting your glass to the audience.

As you drank down the tart liquid, your eye caught sight of a figure you hadn’t seen in person for almost 2 months—Lewis. He stood at the back in a black suit that clearly was made for him. His braids were pulled back in the way he liked when he was tackling more professional events. He looked as good as ever. He lifted his glass of water to you and in response you gave him a tight smile.

The same thing happened that always happened when you met one another ever since that night. Your body went through this strange cycle of reaction, excitement, confusion, hurt, anger, annoyance, and disappointment. It was exhausting. Because of these feelings, you regretted that night. You regretted allowing your thoughts to go so astray that you opened up your ‘what if’ box. You regretted every whisper, every lean in, every almost touch, every lingering look, everything. You even regretted getting out of his car when he pulled up to your condo instead of pulling him by his hair to you and telling him to go upstairs with you. you didn’t know what you regretted more.

The worst part was that you had to continue on like always. Normally it wouldn’t be a problem because that night was not the first night there had been many ‘what if’ nights over your decade-long friendship. The common factor was that both of you moved on and slinked back into the basics of your relationship—comfort and friendship. This time is difficult, so difficult you contemplated passing his case off to another attorney. If it hadn’t been for Malcome talking you out of it he would have been someone else’s responsibility. Instead, you put on your big girl panties and a mask and did something you never thought you’d ever do with him—performed.

When the crowd thinned out and everyone returned to what they were doing you began making your way back to Darius in the opposite direction. You were ready to leave. Before you got far Lewis stepped in front of you stopping you in your tracks.

“Congratulations, Y/N.”

Smiling, you thanked him.

“You look--,” his words stalled as his eyes roamed your body. You noted the conflicted look on his face before it disappeared. “Incredible,” Lewis finished.

His compliment made your body warm and something like hope filled you. Chastising yourself you swallowed the lump in your throat. “Thank you. You look nice too.”

Lewis scoffed softly then nodded. You then tried to slip by him, however, Lewis wasn’t having it. Again, he stepped in front of you.

“In a rush to get away from me?”

“Why would you say that? Have you done anything to me for me to want that?”

Silence stretched and Lewis studied you his jaw clenched tightly. Instead of speaking, he looked down, an act of defeat.

“Can we talk, Y/N?”

“We’re talking right now.”

He gave you an unamused look, but you kept your nonchalant, innocent one. Unexpectedly Miles approached then.

“There she is--partner lady. Congratulations Y/N.”

You smiled then hugged Miles. “Thank you!”

“This is incredible news, Y/N. So happy for you.”

“I appreciate that. Thank you for coming,” you replied.

“You know me, always this fool’s plus one.”

You smiled then the silence returned for a few seconds before Lewis spoke again.

“Maybe we can go somewhere—quiet after this?”

“Unfortunately I don’t think I can.”

“Why?”

Just then Darius approached and wrapped his arm around your waist resting his hand on your hip. You watched Lewis’ eyes drop to that hand and continued to watch as his jaw turned tight as if it filled with cement.

“Oh wow. Lewis Hamilton,” Darius said turning to you, his voice awestricken. “Babe it’s Lewis Hamilton.”

You nodded as a soft smile played on your lips. “Let me introduce you. Darius, this is one of my clients, Lewis Hamilton, and his best friend Miles Chamley-Watson fencing champion and Olympian. Miles, Lewis this is my—.”

You hesitated and in the same second, you felt Darius’ eyes on you filled with hope. Two other pairs of eyes were on you--one giving complete double eyeball emoji and the other searing you almost daring you to continue. The longer you didn’t speak, you watched Darius’ hope turn to disappointment. Glancing back at Lewis you found his eyebrow up with a curious and confrontational look while Miles was the epitome of if ‘well this is awkward’ was a person.

“This is Darius Forrester.”

You felt even more like shit now. Darius shook Lewis’ hand first then Miles’. While he did Lewis looked him over sizing him up. You knew he was wondering if he was the same man from those months ago when you’d told him you were on a date.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, I’m a fan,” Darius said to Lewis.

“Thank you. I appreciate that. I can sign something for you if you want.”

You rolled your eyes at his underhanded jab while a half chortle escaped Miles. Darius on the other hand leapt at the opportunity, handing Lewis the only thing he had, an art bidding ballot. Lewis signed the back but kept his eyes on Darius’ hand on your hip.

“Bidding on some art tonight?”

“I am. There is a piece this gorgeous angel has been staring at all night, it’ll be my gift to her for her promotion,” Darius explained rubbing your hip.

You smiled at him then kissed his cheek. Lewis now looked entertained while Miles’ eyes widened as he finished the drink in his hand.

“Ehm, anyway. So I’m sorry I can’t pencil you in tonight but if you call Kemi and make an appointment she’ll get you on the calendar for a different day for that talk,” you said.

“Plans tonight,” Miles guessed looking between you and Darius.

“Absolutely. I’ve had way too much to drink and plan on taking advantage of that.”

You leaned closer to Darius kicking up your performance another notch. Lewis smirked but also clenched his jaw to that. Miles whistled while nodding his head.

“Go on then Ms. Partner, fly by the seat of your panties or no panties,” Miles teased making you and Darius chuckle while Lewis gave him an unamused look.

“Well, enjoy your evening gentlemen. Thank you again for coming by,” you said before you made a move to walk off with Darius.

As you walked away you placed your hand over Darius’ and slyly slipped it lower to rest on your ass. You knew Lewis was watching and decided to deliver the last blow. Was it petty? Yes. Was it fair to Daius? Not at all.

The next hour or so passed with you roaming around the gallery looking at the art while Darius flirted with you. As you roamed, no matter where you went you saw Lewis from the corner of your eye and no matter how much space was between you, your skin reacted as if Darius’ touch was his. The more you felt that way the reality that Darius’ touch was in fact all his own annoyed you making you feel even worse. You knew what needed to be done and knew it had to be done soon.

The only way you could distract yourself was with glass after glass of champagne. As you emerged from one of your countless trips to the bathroom you bumped into Miles.

“Funny bumping into you here.”

You smiled warmly, “Still here? I thought you and Lewis left hours ago.”

“You knew we were still here,” he accused.

You tried to give an affronted look but failed. He was right. Sighing, your act fell for the first time that night.

“Wow. Feels good to not perform huh.”

You looked at Miles and wondered just how much he knew. He didn’t keep you in suspense long.

“What a twisted web we weave when we practice to deceive.” He scoffed, shook his head then continued, look, I am going to tell you the same thing I told Lewis.”

You perked up then but tried to play it off.

“You better stop playing before somebody gets hurt and by the looks of it, it’s gonna be your homeboy Darius if not all three of you.”

You took in his words then put your mask back in place. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah you do, just like Lewis knew what I was talking about all those years ago, but he still decided to keep playing, and now look where we are.”

Your curiosity peaked then. “What are you talking about Miles? What do you think you know?”

He scoffed. “I’m a straightforward kinda guy so I’ll say I know everything. As the neutral 3rd party who is both on the outside looking in and the inside watching this train wreck, I know everything. I know what he tells me and what he doesn’t tell me, and I know what you don’t tell him.”

Your eyes lingered and the longer they did the more you got his meaning. Glancing away you tried to pretend like his words meant nothing, but you knew you were failing.

“I get it, I really do; 10 years is a long time to put at risk but are you really putting it at risk knowing all you know? You have 10 years of proof. Man up.”

Miles leaned in, kissed your cheek, and whispered, “Let homeboy go so he can find someone who really loves him, someone who can love him. Your corner is full.”

With that, he walked away leaving you speechless and confused. Your corner was full? You had no idea whatsoever what that meant, and you were tempted to follow Miles and get some clarification, but you decided against it remembering the last time you chased down the rabbit hole. When you found Darius again his expression was somber when he told you that the painting he’d been bidding on was outbid and that he didn’t have it to gift you. After assuring him you were fine, you decided you were more than ready to leave.

Darius got the car as you waited outside allowing the cold air to cool your skin. You didn’t care that you were risking illness because it served as a needed distraction. When you felt a fabric drape over your shoulders you bristled at first but then Lewis’ scent circled you and your body relaxed. Even that annoyed you.

“I don’t need this. Darius will be back soon anyway.”

Lewis snorted. “8 months, is that a record?”

“I think it’s a record for you, but I’ve gone longer.”

He scoffed then shook his head. “No doubt, remember Y/N. I will be here long after you get bored with them all. I’m always here.”

Your eyes locked and his should have been radiating cockiness that matched his words, but instead, they were gentle, open, and vulnerable.

“Will you?”

There was no time to reply because a car horn blared drawing your attention. Darius waved at you as he got out of the car to walk around to the passenger side.

“Good night Lewis.”

You walked away from him then slipped into the passenger side. As you waited for Darius to get in and drive off, you stared at Lewis who hadn’t budged from the curb where you left him. Miles’ words echoed back to you then.

“Just like Lewis knew what I was talking about all those years ago, but he still decided to keep playing, and now look where we are.”

“You have 10 years of proof.”

“Your corner is full.”

The word ‘full’ echoed over and over as Darius pulled off. Bullshit, you said to yourself in disbelief.

When Darius pulled up to your condo you sat there marinating in all your thoughts throughout the nearly thirty-minute drive. It wasn’t until you felt Darius’ hand on your exposed knee did you realize he was still there.

“Are you okay? Want me to come up?”

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. “We need to talk Darius.”

When you looked at him his expression said he knew just what you were about to say. Being as gentle as you could, you ended things. Although the old “it’s not you it’s me” line fit the situation perfectly. You dug a little deeper and gave him and heartfelt reason without revealing you were and had been in love with your best friend for 10 years and didn’t realize it until his feelings were already on the line. When you finished, Darius remained the good guy he was and told you he understood and that he’d expected this sooner or later. You thanked him for being good to you then began making your way to the elevators.

Halfway there you dug into the pocket of the jacket you wore and froze. When you took your hand out you held a note with your name sprawled on the front in Lewis’ handwriting.

-Y/N-

I’ve thought for months about what to say to you because there is so much to say, so much that has gone unsaid for so long that I don’t know where to start—how to start. 10 years is a long time especially when neither of us has been 100% honest with the other. I want to end that. Please.

-Lewis

You read then reread the note over and over hoping you would know what to do next but no matter how many times you did, you had nothing. So you walked back and forth in the lobby. When your phone sounded, you found a message from Lewis.

MSG Lewis: Ball’s in your court. I’m outside your building.

You froze then slowly turned and saw his car. It had been months since you’d been in a car with him and the thought of doing it again freaked you out a little. Your eyes met at that moment, but he didn’t move. He was giving you the time to decide for yourself. You turned your back to him then walked to the elevators but stopped halfway. After a few moments, you turned back around and walked to the doors only to stop halfway again and repeat the whole cycle. Still, Lewis didn’t budge. He just watched as your internal debate played out physically.

After ten minutes you stooped down and put your down, completely exhausted by your indecisiveness. Taking a deep breath, you held it and allowed your lungs to adjust. It was an action you often did to help you think and calm down. As your oxygen levels decreased your heartbeat would slow and as it did, there was always one particular beat where you figured it all out. It usually came right in the nick of time.

So you allowed your heartbeat to slow and though you should have panicked you didn’t. You thought clearer than you’d ever thought before.

“I know what he tells me and what he doesn’t tell me, and I know what you don’t tell him.”

Miles’ words came back to you again and it was then you gasped filling your lungs with air. After a few breaths, you stood then turned to the doors. It worked all the time. With your head high and back straight you walked toward them then climbed inside Lewis’ car. Without a word, he pulled off then turned back onto the streets.

~~~~~~

Thirty minutes later you walked into a penthouse suite right behind Lewis.

“Why here?”

“Thought neutral ground would make you more comfortable.”

You scoffed and beelined right to the bar, tossing his suit jacket over the back of one of the bar stools. As you mixed yourself a drink you tried not to focus on him, but you did. No matter where he went you knew. You were hypersensitive to him at this point. You’d only meant to make a glass but ended up making a whole shaker cup. You kicked off your heels, climbed onto the bar stool then plopped yourself on the countertop. Once comfortable you crossed your legs and sipped your drink.

“Where’s Darius?”

“Not here obviously.”

“You and I are so alike it’s insane,” he said as he approached you, but he didn’t come close. He stopped at the sectional couches in the middle of the large living area and then sat.

The silence in the room was thick for such a long time you began thinking about leaving altogether.

“Congratulations again. I’m so fucking proud of you. You saw something you wanted and didn’t stop until you got it. You deserve this.”

Your stomach flipped hearing his praise. More than anyone he knew what you’d gone through to get here. It touched you. Looking away from him, you cleared your throat. “Thanks.”

His eyes remained on you as if daring you to look back at him. It was a dare you had to accept. Your eyes locked and you instantly felt it. There was so much to say. Just behind him, you saw something familiar. Squinting, you made out the painting you’d been staring at all night, the painting Darius wanted to bid on for you. It clicked then, the reason why Darius couldn’t win it was because Lewis claimed it first. You scoffed, the man was competitive and dominant to a fault. You couldn’t help but be touched by the gesture though.

Lewis sighed bringing your eyes back to him, “I don’t even know where to start,” groaned, rubbed his eyes then spoke again. “Maybe I’m sorry is a good place.”

You studied him for a few moments then took a mouthful of your drink. “For what?”

“You know for what.”

That night.

Those words hung in the air, and you did your best to remain aloof. Scoffing, you shook your head. “It’s all good Lewis.”

“You’re lying and you know it. I thought attorneys believed in the truth.”

“Who are you to tell me what my truth is?!”

You hadn’t meant to shout it, but you did.

“Because more times than not our truths match up and I am sure that what happened was not all good to you because it wasn’t to me.”

“And what exactly wasn’t all good to you?”

“The way we—I left things,” he quietly said.

You waited for him to continue because there was no way in hell you were going to make this easy for him. He wanted to talk so he’d talk. Lewis shook his head then hung it backward. He sat there staring into the ceiling for almost a full minute before he looked back at you.

“I just—flipped when we were—you were—you wanted--,” he stuttered.

You scoffed again, “Don’t flatter yourself, Lewis,” you said slipping into the barstool and spinning it around so your back faced him.

“What?”

“You and I both know that none of that meant anything to you. It’s all good.”

“Now who’s telling who what their truth is?”

You didn’t take the bait, instead, you kept your back to him and finished your glass.

“You forget, I know you, Lewis. 10 years of friendship and I know you so well that it was my own damn fault that night.”

“Whatdaya know?”

After refilling your glass you turned back around then hopped off the stool and walked toward the large floor-to-ceiling window. “I know that that you were with one of your rotation chicks before you came to pick me up. I smelled her on you. That fruity aroma was all her. I know that because of that tidbit of info, none of it meant anything.”

Leaning against the window you stared down at the view of London. Lights glistened down below, and you imagined everyone scurrying to where they had to go so wrapped up in their own thoughts or existence to even suspect that it all was fleeting.

“Okay, I’ll own that bit. Yeah, I was with one of them but that was only after I found out you were on a date.”

“So it’s my fault. I was on a date living my life, so you decided to get your dick wet. Okay.”

You took another sip from your glass not liking the direction of this little talk he wanted to have.

“I never said it was your fault. It’s just a fact. I texted you because I wanted to see you, wanted to spend time with you and you were spending time with someone else, someone you probably did God knows what with hours before you saw me.”

And with that, you were done here. Finishing the glass you turned and walked to the door.

“Good night Lewis.”

He scurried in front of you blocking your path. “Wait, please. Shit! I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Two sorries in the span of twenty minutes, cool. Get out of my way.”

“No, Y/N, please wait.”

You sighed, rubbing your forehead. “I’m sick and tired of waiting. I’ve waited 10 years!”

“You’ve waited? I’ve—.”

Lewis threw his hands up then walked away grunting and talking to himself. He looked insane and it kind of made you pleased seeing it. He always appeared so in control, so aware of himself and his actions at all times. It had all gone to shit now. You stood there debating if you should just leave and let things remain how they were until the day you both just stopped talking and checking in and it ended up going on for another 10 years until you were just people who used to know one another, people who’d missed out on something. It was then you realized you weren’t wearing shoes.

“Shit,” you whispered.

“I wanted you that night. I wanted you more than I had ever wanted anyone, including anyone in the rotation. Do you know what I was doing while you were on your date?”

“Getting your dick wet. I know.”

“I was lying on Julissa’s bed as she gave me head.”

You scoffed, “Of course you were.”

“She’d been going for 40 minutes and still I was barely hard. No matter what she did, no matter the tricks, no matter how nice it felt, barely hard. I was lying on her bed with my dick in her mouth thinking about you on your fucking date.”

You looked at him then. Those were words you hadn’t expected.

“My mind went crazy thinking what was happening. The longer that went by without you texting me the thoughts killed me. As soon as I got your message I left. No other thought, just you. I prayed to God that the date didn’t go well enough for you to let him upstairs. Then I saw what you were wearing, and I couldn’t believe I was jealous. I was jealous.”

“Why?”

Lewis looked at you then. “Because he got to see you like that. You’d dressed up for him, wanted to turn him on with that outfit. He’d spent the entire night with you. He’d had what I wanted.”

Well shit, you thought before walking back to the bar. Rather than making another drink, you took up a bottle of champagne and brought it to your lips.

“Do you know what it feels like to want someone so bad that it fucks with you and everything you do? To want someone more than you’ve wanted anything. To want someone in a way that is new to you, so new that it scares you. Do you know what it feels to have this crippling fear every time that someone is in your grasp, but not being able to resist the temptation, the desire to make them yours? Do you know what it feels like to know that you only burn this bright, this hot, this dangerous with one person, and the burn is all-consuming?”

He looked almost hysterical now. “Do you know what it feels like to want the perfect someone for you? I’m talking molded for you in every way while knowing it’s not the right time for you because you both want too much from the world and because you know that because you burn so hot, so bright that you’ll burn each other if either of you ever let go and let it happen? To know you are so similar that you will either destroy each other or ruin one another for anyone else.”

The look on his face was so damn relatable. He’d just said everything you’d thought over the last 10 years. Everything.

“I know what he tells me and what he doesn’t tell me.”

He was practically ranting now. Spewing every single thing that he’d ever thought, confessing it all.

“So because of all that you try to keep up pretenses that you’re friends and nothing more though you have countless moments where you slip up and stare at them too long, or hold them in your arms from a hug for half a minute too long, or let your hand linger in theirs or around their waist to test boundaries because you just can’t not touch them, or even find reasons to do every single thing together. You take those 2 steps forward not realizing you do because the pull is too strong, then you freak out and leap back 5 steps. You do this for weeks, months, years until 10 of them have passed and you have this huge box you’d filled with all the other stuff between you that you can’t express or fess up to until that box just gets stirred by one action, one moment--one night.”

His eyes were locked on yours. Somehow he’d traveled across the room to the bar and was standing right in front of you. Somehow he’d locked you in the frame of his arms leaving you nowhere to run. Somehow he’d managed to inflate your chest with hope right beside your thundering heart.

“Then suddenly—everything has changed, and nothing can be the same ever again,” he finished, his voice a whisper in the completely silent room.

You watched his eyes lower to your lips and your gut flipped again.

“Do you know what any of that feels like, Y/N?”

There were only mere inches between you now and the sheer proximity of his body to yours made you shiver.

“H—how long—have you—felt this way?”

Your voice quivered in a way that made it obvious to him what his nearness was doing to you.

“10--fucking years,” Lewis replied eyes glued to yours.

He took one step to you, “I’ve spent the last 8 months cleaning my life, cleaning my circle because I’ve gotten to the point where I could no longer ignore that everyone else is number 2 for me. You’re number one, Y/N.”

You were frozen in place, unsure what to say, and even more unsure what to do. He was right, your truths usually did line up and this was no different.

“And I know it scares you, shit it scares me too. All of this does. I know my life is insane and yours is about to be even more so, I get you still have things you want to accomplish; I saw your face when Halsey mentioned adding your name to the plaque. You want it and I want it for you as well as the world for both of us. Our timing can’t be any worse, but something has got to give, love, because I can’t take another year let alone 10 of this.”

You took a deep, ragged breath.

“Where--,” Lewis began before stopping and chewing his top lip.

It was a nervous tick. “Where do I—stand—with you?”

For 10 years he’d been so hard to read, so nearly impossible to gauge, and here right now in the darkness of the room you could see him as clear as day. He was oh so transparent and scared you’d reject him. Scared you’d decide he was more trouble than he was worth. Scared he’d just showed you his heart and ruined your friendship in the process. Without realizing it you were crying; you felt a tear roll down your cheek.

Sniffling, you wiped it away, “Ehm, I broke up with Darius tonight.”

Lewis looked shocked. Clearly, he thought you were still together.

“Why?”

You wiped the other tear that fell from your eye then looked away from him. All of a sudden the room felt smaller than it was, it felt as if the walls were closing in on you. Lewis cupped the back of your head cradling your skull in his palm making you look him in the eyes.

“Why?”

“For the last 8 months, I’ve been hot and cold with him, I pulled him close one minute then the next pushed him away, I disappeared a lot always using work as the excuse. I was busy, yeah, but it wasn’t work. I was always so reluctant to put a label on what we were doing, every time he brought it up I changed the subject never giving him the answer he wanted. Even when we had sex--.”

Lewis took a deep breath, dropped his head, and harshly released it, clearly displeased with confirmation that he’d had you that way, but you continued.

“Even then it was usually always on my terms, and I always wanted him to leave right after. I was—I was always thinking about someone else, something else instead of him, and for 8 months I never felt anything remotely close to what I felt that night with him. over the months every time I saw you it hacked at whatever was going on between me and him until tonight seeing you again it just--.”

You flicked your five fingers indicating an explosion. I’ve become hypersensitive to you, and I don’t know when it happened. It dawned on me that—I was using Darius and it wasn’t fair.”

Lewis searched your eyes not hiding the hurt in his. You took a step towards him. “You’re right about a few things. Our timing couldn’t be any worse.”

He nodded.

“Our truths usually always line up.”

Lewis looked hopeful then.

“Your life is insane.”

The hope faltered.

“I do want my name on that plaque, and I will get it.”

A small smile crooked his lips.

Another tear rolled down your cheek and again you wiped it away, “I can also no longer ignore that everyone else is number 2 for me. Always has been because you’re my number one.”

He clenched his jaw then and the emotion that washed over his face rocked you. Like an earthquake rocking the Earth’s surface.

“I am scared.”

As this tear rolled, Lewis was the one to reach out and gently wipe it with the pad of his thumb. Your lip quivered.

“I’m so scared.”

Lewis pushed forward then, crashing his lips to yours in one swift move. Once your lips met neither of you went slow. The kiss was frenzied from the beginning, both of you wanting it all and not wanting to waste any more time taking it. As his tongue rolled with yours you closed the space between you pressing your body against him. Lewis softly moaned, wrapping his arms around you. When you bit down on his bottom lip he groaned then walked you backward until your back collided with the edge of the bar. Trapping you there once again, he kissed you without holding a thing back and your body responded to him instantaneously.

In a matter of seconds, you both were moaning against each other and completely wrapped up in the new feelings that were consuming you. Lewis cupped your face as he kissed you then ran his hands down to your neck. You couldn’t deny that this felt even better than you imagined. Moaning, you clutched his waist but when that didn’t suffice, you slowly slid your hands up along his toned abs, over his chest taking in the bulge of muscle there. When you wrapped them around his neck, Lewis pressed more persistently against you.

“Mmmm!”

Lewis tore his lips from you and put his forehead to yours. “Fuck, I don’t want to get too carried away. I’m sorry I should have asked first.”

“Consent fucking given,” you said before you crashed your lips to his.

This time you took control. Swirling your tongue with his you didn’t give him time to react or gain the upper hand. You wanted to taste him, and you refused to wait any longer. Teasing his lips, you nibbled his bottom one, taking your time to sensually suck on it until he moaned against you. The vibration shot through you making you feel like you’d only now just begun to truly feel. Lewis’ hands roughly gripped your hips, holding you steady so you could feel that you weren’t the only one finally feeling for the first time.

Heightening both if your pleasure, you sucked his tongue until he groaned. The next thing you knew Lewis’ had you by the hips lifting you onto the bar top. You wrapped your thighs around him and nearly came when you felt his hands pry your legs apart. The heat radiating off of his hand on your bare thigh reminded you of the night in his car and you prayed he didn’t stop again.

As if reading your mind, Lewis met your eyes while he slid his hand higher and higher and higher until his fingers crawled to your inner thigh. Softly he raked his manicured nails against your skin forcing a whimper from you. You bit down on your bottom lip and silently willed yourself not to cum from the anticipation. Suddenly the back of Lewis’ fingers brushed against your sex. Your gasp was loud, breathy, and stretched out as he took his time moving centimeter by centimeter until he’d trapped your clit between his pointer and middle finger. Your jaw dropped all the while he held your gaze.

When he tightened his fingers and rubbed against you, your eyes rolled to the back of your head. You knew then he was dangerous, and you were going to cum.

“F—ha—fu-huck!”

Your back arched, head fell back as your body moved like it were possessed. Each spasm of pleasure had you bucking against his fingers until you could hardly breathe.

“My god you’re so fucking beautiful when you cum, love.”

You giggled and moaned as the tremors worked their way through you. “Mmm, orgasms and compliments, a girl could get used to this,” you cooed.

“Good. This is your future.”

Lewis moved his hand, brought them to your thighs then lifted them. As he planted your heels at the edge of the bar, you knew what he wanted. Your eyes dropped to his lips then you moaned. Pulling your dress away from your legs you allowed them to fall back to the bar showing him not only gymnasts were flexible.

“Oh fuck,” Lewis groaned.

You watched his eyes drop to your sex and the look on his face was unlike any you’d ever seen. No one had looked at you like this before. He stared where your thighs met like it was the most mesmerizing thing he’d ever seen, the first of its kind and something he wanted to completely destroy. You now felt like prey spread before him like this, like at any moment he was going to pounce on you.

“Mmm.”

Lewis came closer and closer until he rested on his elbows and was just inches from your sex. The anticipation was killing, and he had to know it.

“I knew you were a lacy knickers kind of woman,” he muttered.

“I take it you’re a lacy knickers kind of man.”

“On you, fuck yes.”

With that, Lewis hooked his thumbs in your underwear and pulled them to the side. He blew out a breath in reaction to seeing you bare for the first time and that breath fucked you up all over again. You threw your head back trying to calm your anxieties, but just when you met his eyes again you found his tongue out sliding against your wet folds.

Oh—my—goooood!”

Lewis moaned and did it again and again until he circled your clit with the tip of his tongue. “Mmmm.”

Lewis pressed your thighs back keeping them spread then went to town. If you’d ever doubted before that his mouth game was incredible you didn’t now. He licked, flicked, and sucked along your flesh making your back remain in a prolonged arch. Within seconds you were whining and writhing as his tongue worked literal fucking magic. The sound of Lewis’ slurping echoed in the living room and that was when your hands grabbed his head. Pulling his hair free you held on and bucked against his mouth.

“Mmm.”

He stuck his tongue out and let you take over. With every buck against his tongue, you called his name and the more the tip of his tongue flicked your clit the more out of control you felt. Your release was so close your body moved more wildly needing it at all costs.

“I’m gonna cum Lewis.”

“Cum for me, Y/N!”

You didn’t need to be told more than once and when you were right on the precipice you felt Lewis slid two digits inside of you. Just like that, your orgasm morphed from a toe-curling release to soul snatching one. You screeched as your body convulsed but he didn’t stop then, he pumped his fingers in and out of you then added a third finger stretching you wide.

“Uuuugh fuck!”

You barely finished your words before Lewis threw you over his shoulder, keeping his fingers inside of you. As he walked through the suite his fingers kept fucking you, readying you for him. When your back met the soft sheets of the mattress, Lewis still hadn’t broken contact. He watched you now as you lay there unable to control your body.

“You’re so beautiful.”

Pulling his fingers free he cleaned two of them off before you sprang to your knees to claim the third. As you sucked his finger you kept your eyes on his. You could see how badly he wanted you, how much he wanted from you, and you couldn’t believe he’d held back all this time. You took your time sliding each button through its slot until his shit was wide open. When you pushed it off of him you took in a sight you’d seen plenty of times only now it was different.

You brought your hands to feel across his torso marveling at each defined ab muscle and each tattoo. When you intentionally rubbed against his beaded nipple you noted the way his Adam’s apple bobbed. How had you never noticed your effect on him? How had you never taken it seriously? Bringing your hands back to his waist you undid his pants. You brushed your palm against the protruding mass straining against his pants which made him shiver as he grunted.

“Oops.”

Lewis scoffed then licked his lips and that was all it took for him to claim back some of the control you possessed over this exchange.

“Of course, you’re a fucking tease.”

You innocently smiled. “I haven’t even begun to tease you.”

“I bet.”

Lewis snuck forward kissing you one peck at a time, over and over.

“Mm, can you take it?”

“Any other night my answer would be yes, hell in an hour my answer will be yes but right now--.”

He cupped your sex with on hand and the back of your neck with the other.

“Mmm.”

“Right now, I have no control left. I’ve remained in control around you for 10 years and right now I just want to let it all go. I want to bury myself so deep inside of you there is no mistake that we belong to each other bad timing or not. It’s you and me, Y/N.”

You groaned as his words only increased the wetness between your legs. You kissed him again, then you turned your back to him and swayed your body against him. Lewis dropped a kiss to your shoulder as his hand crept around to cup the underside of your breast. You leaned forward getting on all fours with your ass poking out to him.

“Undo me?”

He didn’t move for a few moments, and you waited for him to enjoy the view. When you felt his hand rub against your ass you dipped your back lower which only made your ass poke out more. Lewis trailed his hand along your spine that the backless gown proudly showed off. Then he went to your tailbone and lowered the zipper of the dress. Peeping over your shoulder, your eyes locked as you allowed the dress to fall away from your body.

His groan was low—primal. It was all you needed to hear to know he liked the strappy number you wore that was made of fine lace. You expected him to take his time but instead, you felt him peel off the garment leaving you completely naked before him for the first time ever.

“You’re so wet for me, Y/N. So wet and so fucking perfect.”

You spread your legs further then stretched your arms over your head using your head to hold you up. As expected, Lewis flipped you onto your back making you giggle. You roamed your hands over your body, cupping your breasts then sliding them down your abdomen to your dripping core. The entire time, Lewis kept his eyes on every move you made while he pulled his pants and underwear off.

When he stood bare before you, your surprise could not be masked. You didn’t know what you’d expected in your late-night thoughts about what he was packing but you had no way of expecting this. Lewis gripped his length then slowly stroked it as he pressed a knee onto the mattress.

“Scared?”

You bit your bottom lip as you gawked at what the good lord blessed him with. It was unfair and completely intimidating.

“Now I see why everyone in the rotation was so happy being one of many.”

He snorted, bringing his other knee to the mattress between. Slowly he stalked closer like a predator with a deadly weapon in hand.

“There is no rotation anymore.”

“Oh yeah. The LH44 Harem has been disbanded?”

As he crept closer, you slid backward.

“You’re not funny.”

“So am I the first to usher in a new era—a new harem?”

Lewis grabbed your ankle then pulled you back to him making the backs of your thighs slam into the fronts of his. He then hovered over you before dropping an opened mouth kiss on your nipple. Sucking the peak into his mouth he sucked raising your back off of the bed.

“You’re in no harem. I told you, it’s you—and me,” he said nibbling your flesh.

Stared at him letting it all sink in. You brought your hand to his bearded cheek and rested it there.

“Are we really doing this? Like—for real?”

Lewis boxed your face in with his muscular arms and stared into your eyes. “I’ve told you where I stand, Y/N. I’ve told you everything that’s in here.”

He took your hand and placed it over the roaring lion etched on his skin keeping his hand over yours.

“It’s time you tell me what’s in here,” he finished placing his other hand over your left breast.

“You,” you whispered.

“I love you, Y/N.”

Before you could react or even respond Lewis thrust forward sending the tip of his hardness inside of you, stealing your breath, and every thought. A breathy gasp filled the air. Slowly he pushed forward, leisurely filling you giving you time to adjust to his size.

“Haaaa.”

Lewis kept his hand over your heart while holding yours over his as he filled you inch by tortuous inch never taking his eyes off yours. Your entire being was on fire like he was pouring molten lava inside of you with every inch he gave you.  

“Oh fu—Lewis,” you panted.

From the way his jaw was clenched, and eyes focused intently on you, you could tell he was feeling everything you were.

“How are you so tight?”

Digging your nails into his chest you tightened your leg around his waist and as if that was his last straw, Lewis flicked his hips forward filling you completely and tearing a scream from both of your lips. Neither of you moved for several moments but with every second that passed by your body blazed. Bucking against him, you slid your hand up to his throat and then gripped it.

“I love you. Fuck me. Now!”

Those words would be your ruin because he did just that without mercy and complete recklessness. Your moans and whimpers melded together rising in decibel and power until the entire room shook with the power of your screams for one another. As he plowed inside of you he didn’t go slow, he followed his basal instincts that were imprinted in his DNA, a need to claim, and dominate.

You’d never felt so out of control in your life. No matter how he fucked you, you couldn’t get enough. No matter how deep he went you wanted him deeper. No matter how he called your name you wanted him to scream it. You wanted every fucking thing he had. You wanted to leave him in shambles. When he flipped you onto your stomach like you weighed nothing, he held your ass in the air and fucked you so thoroughly you’d lost track of how many times you came. It didn’t matter because you wanted more.

He must have been able to read your mind because there was no way he could tell what you needed this soon, you thought to yourself as he grabbed your wrists and pulled you back, so he had your upper body hovering above the mattress.

“Oh my god, I’m cumming Lewis! Ooh shiiiiiit!”

He took advantage of this new angle and circled his hips as he jackhammered into you, fucking you as you did something you’d never done before—squirted. You screamed from the force of your release, but Lewis didn’t stop, he fucked you through it then torpedoed you into another one that you knew would tear you apart. Racing for it, you slammed yourself back into him relishing the mix of pain and pleasure that only intensified when Lewis bit down on your shoulder.

“You got one more for me, darlin? Cum for me. Soak this dick, pretty girl, drench me so I can fill that pretty pussy up.”

“Aaah!”

You clenched around him as you lost yourself and fell off the cliff and into an endless pit of pleasure. You felt Lewis spasm inside of you before he cursed and shouted his release doing just what he promised. Filling your pretty pussy up.

When the two of you finally collapsed on the bed Lewis held you to him spooning you while still being nestled inside of you. Bit by bit you came back to your body and slowly your body went from violent shakes to subtle tremors and a hazy feeling washed over you. Lewis peppered kisses along your neck and shoulder nipping your skin every now and then.

“Mmm. Oh my god!”

He snorted. “You good?”

“Good? Am I good? Are you—at the risk of swelling your head even more than it already is that was--.”

“Was?”

You searched for the words but couldn’t find the right ones. “It was,” you settled on making him laugh as he held you tighter.

“Naw, I was alright, you—you were,” he said making you snort.

“Shut up.”

“No, I’m being for real for real. It’s a miracle I held on that long, you feel unbelievable, so good, too good. You—are!”

You giggled then moaned, sleepiness creeping up on you.

“Don’t you dare fall asleep, I’m nowhere near done with you.”

His manhood inside of you lurched nudging your g-spot and just like that your eyes snapped wide open.

“Watch yourself, I know your weakness now.”

“You?”

“Nope, this pussy.”

Lewis snorted then flipped you onto your stomach again. This time he straddled you as he slowly pulled out of you only to plunge right back in.

“Mmm.”

“Still so damn tight,” Lewis groaned.

“You’re welcome to try stretching me out.”

Lewis jerked his hips forward delivering a bruising thrust as punishment for your your sassy mouth. It was a thrust that took your breath and made you go cross-eyed.

“Mmm, yes!”

“Oh, aren’t you full of surprises. Pretty girl likes it rough and hard.”

He did it again and again, making you hit the bed each time as you buried your face in the sheet to muffle your screams.

“God yes, Lewis!”

“So fucking alike,” Lewis said before lowering his lips to your ear. “Remember I love you 'cause I’m about to fuck you like I don’t.”

Not waiting for a reply he held your arms to the bed then delivered on his promise. Everyone else was number 2 compared to you being each other’s number 1. Nothing else mattered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[vorrentis]

Jihyo x Mina - Much Needed (1/2)

I GUESS TUMBLR HAS 1000 BLOCK LIMIT THAT I CAN'T GET PASS SO THIS IS 1/2, 2/2 WILL BE IN ANOTHER POST.

IF ANYONE KNOWS HOT TO FIX, PLEASE MESSAGE, THANKS

This is a quick and short smut shot so l'm sorry if it's not as story driven.

A deleted FxF fic I had before and now brought back, still working on Jeongyeon's fic btw.

ENJOY!

Tags: FF, shower, oral, scissoring, fingering, 69

Words: 19,733

=============================

Today was going to be a fun day for Twice, some more than others, but a fun day nevertheless.

Today Twice were shooting commercials for the new Nintendo Switch (yeah, yeah, I know it's been out for a while, but go with it).

They were each to split up into three different groups: The maknae line, a four-member group of Nayeon, Jeongyeon, Sana, and Momo, and a duo of Jihyo with Mina.

Each group had a different game to perform and setting to showcase how portable the switch can be and the games it had.

The maknae line had a set of a living room playing Super Smash Bros Ultimate, the four-member group were stationed in a car playing Animal Crossing, and the duo of Mina and Jihyo was exercising with the newly released Ring Fit Adventure with the new Ring Fit accessory.

And today, Mina and Jihyo were the first ones to start their commercial.

It wasn't really a commerical shooting like the other two, it was more of a record yourself passing a few levels and enjoying it.

There wasn't a crew involved for these two, but the other seven had a set for them and even had to travel a bit for their site.

For Jihyo and Mina, it was their studio at JYP and there were two Nintendo staff members that guided them on how to start the game and such. 

After that, they left the two alone in the room for them to enjoy.

When finished, Jihyo and Mina would tell them and the workers would collect the cameras and film in them.

That's it.

Easy enough the girls thought.

And they were enjoying it.

It was quite a workout and the two were surprised that it generated quite a sweat for a game.

It was also fun too and the two thought about getting this for them back home with the other girls to enjoy as well.

"And, there you go." Jihyo smiled as Mina clapped at her side.

"Good job Jihyo." Jihyo turned and beamed at Mina. "You think that's good for the film," she pointed at the camera at the corner as Mina nodded.

"Oh yeah, that was twenty minutes of footage, more than enough, unless they plan on having us play for a while."

"Hehe, that I wouldn't mind, this is a nice workout...alright, it's you turn." Jihyo directed as Mina stood up and was handed the Ring as Jihyo went to sit behind Mina as Mina started her level.

"Good luck Mina.!"

"Yup." Mina said as she started to jog in place.

THREE MINUTES LATER

Mina was on a roll as she was doing the activities the game was offering.

She was enjoying it very much as she posed and did everything the figure in the game did as well.

Jihyo was enjoying Mina's happiness and smiles as well as she sat behind Mina, watching her.

(AN: Imagine this, but Jihyo is a bit further behind Mina)

However...

Jihyo wasn't paying attention to the game as much as her eyes wandered somewhere else.

It's too bad for Jihyo that Mina decided to wear some very nice tights today like herself and while Jihyo wore a skirt, Mina forgoes that and decided to wear a shirt that barely reached a bit over her waist and it really showed off Mina's well fit body...okay, Jihyo meant Mina's butt.

Out of all the girls, Mina was the top when it came to taking care of her body and Jihyo observed that it was worth it as she saw how defined Mina's ass was.

And it certainly didn't help that the game made Mina jump, jog, twist, and turn and it made Mina's butt pop out even more than Jihyo found that way more interesting than the game itself...and no, this wasn't the first time she did some sightseeing on Mina.

Yup, Jihyo, the leader of Twice, was into girls.

A lesbian.

She didn't know exactly when, but she can say around her middle school years that she found girls to be more attractive and easier to be around than guys.

And it was the day she asked another girl to the last year of middle school's dance event and got her day ruined when she responded...

'that's weird and you're weird' 

...and walked away.

Poor Jihyo felt her heart split in two upon hearing those words and ran home with tears.

After seeing her depressed state coming home, her mom asked what's wrong and with no thought about how different it was to like girls more, Jihyo told her what happened and that's when her parents had a talk about her sexuality.

It was quite a discussion that Jihyo can recall each and every meaningful word. 

They even supported her after hearing those words and Jihyo thought she was weird too, but her parents told her to never call herself that.

It was who she was.

And since that day, Jihy didn't let that go to her head and kept her head up high, but she did keep her sexuality hidden from her friends of course.

She didn't know how they would take it, even though her mom told her that it was okay to tell them, just be careful about how they reacted, so Jihyo didn't tell them.

And as time went on, neither her trainers nor new friends with Nayeon and Jeongyeon and it was easy to hide...ahem 'was'.

As the training went by, Jihyo tried to keep herself in check but being surrounded by cute and beautiful girls, it was difficult since Jihyo couldn't quite keep her eyes to herself.

But she did her best to focus on her training until a certain J-line member came through those practice doors.

--------------------------------------------

FLASHBACK - 2014

9 months before Sixteen started

"And...finish."

Both trainee Jihyo and trainee Yoo Jeongyeon posed for the mirror as the music died down until their breaths were the only sounds in the room as they dropped their arms to their sides and returned to regular stance.

They were actually training until they started to fool around with the last song to blow some steam off.

"That was great," Jeongyeon stated as she rose her hand and Jihyo did the same to give a high five to another.

"Even our actual practice, I think it's our best ones yet."

Jihyo shook her head.

"No, I messed up on the second song, I turned the wrong way during the second verse." Jeongyeon shook her head.

"Oh come on Jihyo, we've been dancing for an hour and you point out one misstep. No one is going to be complaining about that. You were perfect."

"Perfect is a hundred percent that was ninety-nine percent." Jeongyeon rolled her eyes.

"You got to stop being so critical about yourself Jihyo," Jeongyeon walked towards the corner of the room, "you're already the best here. Now sit down."

Jihyo took it and sat on the floor of the dance room. She felt the sweat pouring down her nose and her feet were a bit burned by the amount of time.

Perfecting a dance for what seemed like hours would do that.

"Here." She managed to look upwards to spot her fellow trainee Jeongyeon with two water bottles and two clothes out with both hands as Jihyo reached up sluggishly.

"Gamsa..." Jihyo accepted one of each and opened the cap of water as Jeongyeon sat down with her and mirrored with the water.

After taking a gulp of refreshing water, Jihyo lowered the bottle and took a breath in and out.

"Thank you for practicing with me Jeong, you didn't have to."

Jeongyeon shook her head while applying the cold cloth to her forehead.

"I wanted to, I have to train too you know. We're not all the best." She joked as Jihyo chuckled and Jeongyeon smiled. "Well, while we're resting, you heard the news around Jeongyeon said as Jihyo shook her head. "A new trainee is joining JYPE today."

Jihyo got curious.

"Really?"

Jeongyeon nodded.

"And she's from Japan as well. Like Sana and Momo. Jeongyeon explained as Jihyo nodded.

"This place is getting more and more new girls. Well, when or if she gets here, we'll greet her with warm welcomes." Jihyo said as Jeongyeon nodded.

However...

'Oh god, this place is getting more and more new girls. She's gonna be another pretty one like Sana and Momo...! can't even keep my eyes off them...'

Jihyo kept her smile, but she was gyrating herself in her mind that many cute and pretty girls were in this agency already, and since keeping her sexuality a secret...it was damn difficult.

"Yeah. Its rumors but I heard that she was an amazing ballet dancer. Been at it for ten years."

Jihyo nodded, taking in that information.

"Ten years huh, anything else?" She asked as Jeongyeon shook her head.

"Nothing besides that. Think we should give her a warning about Sana?" Jeongyeon grinned as Jihyo chuckled.

"Hehe, I'm sure she'll be fine. Sana will keep her hands to herself."

'Not that I'm complaining when she does it to me'

"You're talking about the impossible."

Jeongyeon furthered as they both gave a small laugh. "So, anything new with you?" She asked Jihyo.

"Nothing, the only new thing is my dad had-"

SQUEAK

Jihyo stopped as the door opened and a head popped out of the opening.

"And this is-oh, ohiyo Jihyo, Jeongyeon!" Sana's smile lit up the room as she gave a head bow towards both Jeongyeon and Jihyo waved at her.

"Ohiyo Sana," "Ohiyo," both girls replied.

"Uhm, I'm sorry, am I interrupting?" Sana asked while not entering the room yet as Jihyo shook her head.

"No, what's up?" She asked Sana as Sana looked behind her and then to Jihyo and Jeongyeon.

'I'm showing a new girl around."

Both Jihyo and Jeongyeon heard and turned themselves to Sana.

"The new girl's there?" Jeongyeon asked as Sana nodded. "Do you mind if we say hi?"

"Of course," Sana turned her head, "There's a couple of my friends here that I want to introduce, is that okay?" Sana spoke in Japanese as both Jihyo and Jeongyeon couldn't understand what she said. "Great."

Sana opened the door more and as she walks inside, Jihyo noticed the newcomer trailing behind her...and her breath hitched.

I'm using present Mina, feel free to use any photo

Jihyo's eyes fall on a startlingly beautiful woman, and she can't seem to tear her eyes away from her. Her chestnut-colored hair flowed down like a waterfall falling just past her shoulders and the perfect amount of makeup that emphasized her visuals.

She's dressed casually, in a pair of skinny blue jeans and a dark short sleeve top that hugs her slight curves in all of the right ways.

Her eyes are surveying the room and for a moment Jihyo got lost in their beauty.

Astonishingly dark eyes; kind but looking a little timid as she looks around.

"Jihyo? Jihyo?" Jihyo jerked, turning back to the sound of Jeongyeon's voice who was standing. All three, including this goddess that walked in, were staring down at her and Jihyo felt her face flush, and her heart starts to pound.

"H-Huh?" Jihyo muttered, clearing her suddenly dry throat. "O-oh ahem, s-sorry..."

Jihyo quickly rose to her feet.

Jeongyeon quirks an eyebrow and shakes her head.

"Jihyo, Jeongyeon, this is Myoui Mina." She turned to the new girl and Mina nodded back as her eyes went to Jihyo's and Jihyo was hypnotized as she saw Mina's faint smile.

'Myoui Mina...'Her name echoed in Jihyo's mind and she found it flowing ever so soothing and beautiful like her and her heart raced with heat that it felt like fire.

"Ohiyo Mina." Jeongyeon welcomed her, knowing just a tiny bit of Japanese with both Japanese girls of Sana and another: Hirai Momo.

"Ohiyo..." Mina's voice was soft and gentle and Jihyo's first impressions of the girl kept rising.

"Hehe~" Sana turned to Jihyo, "she's starting today here with us," she continued, 'I'm showing her around until Momo arrives so she can hang with us to feel more relax." Sana then turned to Mina, "Mina, these are two of my friends: Jeongyeon," Sana talked in Japanese as she pointed at Jeongyeon who bowed to her and Mina returned the action,

"and this is Jihyo." Sana pointed at Jihyo as Mina turned to her and Jihyo gulped as Mina sent shivers down her spine.

Jihyo raised her arm and weakly waved.

"O-ohiyo...

"Ohiyo..."

Both girls stared at one another as Sana and Jeongyeon alternated looks between the two.

"Anyway..." Sana voiced as Mina looked down and Jihyo turned to Sana, "Imma continue showing Mina around. She turned to Mina, "shall we go?" In Japanese to Mina as she looked at Sana and nodded. "Great!

Then I shall leave you two to your training."

Jeongyeon nodded as Jihyo side-eyed Mina as she was looking around the room, "come on Mina, baibai you two~"

Sana walked back towards the door as Mina took a look at Jeongyeon and bowed and turned to Jihyo and bowed as well, but Jihyo swore she took a second longer staring...at least that's what she thought as Mina turned and followed Sana out the room and Jihyo felt the gravity lessened in the room as she took a silent, yet deep breath.

"You alright? You looked kind of lost there." Jeongyeon asked as Jihyo turned to her and nodded quickly, maybe too quickly.

"'Yeah, maybe I'm a bit tired after all..."

"You tired? Never thought I heard those words from you." Jeongyeon grinned as Jihyo gave a faint smile at her remark, "well, at least we got to meet her. I think she'll fit in fine soon enough, she looks like a singer as well. Wonder how long she'll be here as a trainee?"

"Who knows." 'Hopefully for a long while.'

"Hmm, well with those three together, maybe a Japanese trio is being planned. Although we are in Korea...ah well, we'll see what happens.

So what now?"

"Uhm...c-can we just sit for a minute?" Jihyo needed to calm down and Jeongyeon stifled a chuckle.

"Hehe, sure we can."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SHUT

"Well what you thought?" Sana asked as they turned from the door they left down the hall on the right.

"They seem nice." Mina said as Sana nodded.

"They really are. Everyone here is pretty great."

Sana noted as Mina nodded.

"So.. they're trainees like me?" Mina asked as

Sana took the moment to stop.

"Mph-hm, they both are very wonderful singers and dancers, but Jihyo is the best around."

"That girl?" Mina asked as Sana nodded.

"Jihyois the complete idol package: her singing is pure talent and amazing and she can pick up on choreography pretty quick, she has a very positive personality and is super friendly with everyone. It's sad really that she's been here for so long. Ten years now."

Mina's eyes widened and looked back as if Jihyo was there.

"Ten years?" She repeated, "..why isn't she an idol already?" Mina asked as Sana sighed and shrugged.

"Sometimes things don't go your way but Jihyo is patient enough to wait for her shot.

But that's why Jihyo is an inspiration to me I know it sounds weird and sudden that you just met, but trust me, she works harder than anyone here. No matter where she's either practicing her singing or dancing in that room." Sana pointed to her, "and I have not once heard her complain when we train together, only compliments and encouragement and assistance to me when I thought it was tough."

Mina saw the smile on her face enlarged.

"Even when we first met, I hardly understood the language, but Jihyo learned some phrases for me like good mornings and training and eating. I was very appreciative of her for that and wanted to be friends with her right then and there. She's really amazing to know and I know that you'll become good friends with her too...if that's what you want that is." Sana smiled as Mina looked back for the third time.

'Wow...'

Mina looked back at Sana and nodded.

"Great, then I'll ask if we can get lunch with her and Jeongyeon with another friend. Be right back~"

Sana walked back to the door as Mina took a breath.

'Jihyo. She does sound amazing. She was really pretty too.' Mina gave a small smile and a tint of red from embarrassment.

She shook her head just a bit to relax. 'Dang, day one and I'm already thinking of '

"Alright~ " Mina swiftly turned to Sana walking towards her, "it's settled, we're having a group lunch with them. Hopefully, more of our friends arrive as well."

Mina nodded slowly and dropped her current thoughts.

She didn't expect her first day to be going so well, she was terrified at first, but being with a fellow Japanese friend in Sana and having more friends soon who all seem to be nice made Mina feel at ease greatly.

Course there was the training to be done with but Mina was willing to put everything she had into this.

"Arigato Sana for helping me today. I appreciate it." Mina bowed slightly as Sana hummed

"Hmm~ Of course Mina, every person here goes through their days scared." Mina got into a regular stance, "I was a wreck on my first day, but as I said, meeting Jihyo and her friends made it all easy and we'll help you with anything no matter what."

Mina smiled as Sana walked forward as Mina followed her.

"I meant what I said about Jihyo, you can learn a lot from her. I do hope she gets her chance soon. Nine years isn't easy to wait out, but Jihyo is strong. She'd be one of the best idols out there easily right now. As a solo or in a group too. If she does join a group, she'd be one amazing leader too. I'd choose her to be one if we were together."

Mina found Sana's admiration for Jihyo to be impressive.

'I should get to know Jihyo a bit more.'

Mina smiled at the thought.

--------------------------------------------------------

ONE WEEK LATER

Jihyo breathed in and out.

Today was the first training session of Mina since she arrived and she and Momo were to start with her.

What was shocking was that Mina actually asked Jihyo personally if she could be there with Momo...well, Sana did.

Sana had training but Nayeon and Jeongyeon and in the afternoon so she wasn't able to attend, but Momo volunteered to go with her.

Jihyo accepted quickly, maybe too quickly, but the smile on Mina's face evavorated any doubts and Jihyo was excited but nervous.

Sana explained afterward that Mina asked her to ask Jihyo.

Of course, she was the first to arrive, early than usual...like always, but today, Jihyo was excited yet nervous.

This was the first time she and Mina were going to practice together after a week since she arrived.

They've been chatting mostly for lunches, but Mina hasn't actually done anything but getting a foothold of the place and spending most of the time being around Mom and Sana due to the language and them being the same nationality, but Jihyo understood completely and was happy that she was fitting in just fine.

She was suprised that she spoke Korean much better than Sana and Momo when they first came, but she wasn't as fluent which is understandable, but she was more impressive than Jihyo thought she would be so it was normal to communicate with her.

But Jihyo smiled and took every moment to find out more about Mina, even though she felt anxious around her still.

Jihyo felt strange.

The same kind of strange that she had for a few girls over the years.

But this was different.

It was a whole new kind of strange.

Why?

She barely knew the girl at all, yet she was so cativated by her looks, the simpliest motions, the way she speaks, her smile, ugh, her smile, that god Jihyo going for miles.

It was an entirely new feeling that Jihyo couldn't get over like she did with her prior crushes, Sana being the most recent one, but she got over it as she found Sana to be more of a sister than a girlfriend.

But Mina, man Mina was on her mind 23/7 ...what? Even Jihyo had to think about other things too.

SQUEAK

The door opened as Jihyo smiled.....but started to freak out the moment her eyes laid on Mina entering.

She was wearing white shoes, grey sweats with a black graphic tee and Jihyo couldn't help but be stunned.

Just a simple workout outfit and Jihyo found her beauty tenfold.

"Uh, ohiyo Jihyo." Mina waved as Jihyo had to get her thoughts back and waved back as normal.

"O-ohiyo Mina." Mina approached Jihyo as she gulped and stood ready. "You ready?"

Mina nodded.

"Where's Momo?" She asked as Jihyo shook her head.

"She's always late, don't worry." Jihyo answered as Mina nodded. "Nervous?"

Mina nodded once more as Jihyo knew how she was feeling as well.

"I've been there too. Don't worry about anything, you'll be fine. here you can make every mistake and I'lI be there to help you." Jihyo wanted Mina to get as comfortable as Mina gathered a new surge through her upon hearing Jihyo.

"Hai...arigato." Mina smiled and Jihyo relished that, but she turned away without staring too long.

"Ah, so should we wait for Momo or."

"Jihyo?" Jihyo looked back at her. "Can...can we talk about something?"

That was unexpected.

"Uh, sure, you okay?" She asked as Mina nodded.

"Hai, it's just, well, I wanted to thank you for being here." Mina held her right forearm with her left hand in an embarrassed manner that Jihyo found undeniably cute

"Oh, heh, it's no problem at all Mina. We're all here to help each other." Mina nodded and Jihyo had a question for her, "but may I ask why did ask me to be here as well?"

Mina looked down at Jihyo's shoes.

"Well... Sana and Momo explained that you're the best. So I thought...if I should learn, it'd be better with you...gomen...I know I'm a rookie, but I just wanted to thank you for your time to train me." Mina did a small bow as Jihyo was speechless and after a few seconds, she smiled awkwardly at the thought that Mina wanted to learn from her and even let out a chuckle.

"Hehe...uh, well, god l'm flattered Mina, but please don't say I'm the best." Mina got back into regular stance, "I appreciate Sana and Mom's words, but I don't want anyone to think that I'm the best, I still have lots to learn. And don't think that just because you're a rookie doesn't mean I'll say no to you wanting help. We're all here as trainees and we should all   each other no matter what. Even out of JYPE." Jihyo stated and she didn't feel any worry about saying it because it was true. 

She would be there for any of the trainees as they were all going for one goal: debuting.

And there was no competition with any of them, so Jihyo saw no point in not helping out the others.

Mina heard this and instantly her body felt elevated and a new view of Jihyo was seen through her as she admired her words.

'Sana was right, she really is a leader...kind hearted too.'

With that Mina...

"Then...do you mind if, uh, we train more together after?" Mina asked and Jihyo's heart raced at Mina asking her to train more. To hear that Mina wanted to train with her more had Jihyo jumping on the inside.

"Mina, I would be happy to train with you."

Mina smiled instantly.

"Really?" Jihyo nodded.

"Of course Mina, anytime you want."

Jihyo saw Mina's eyes lit up and her smile instantly appeared.

'Oh god, how can someone be so damn beautiful and undeniably cute at the same time...thank you Sana and Momo.'

"Hai, arigato Jihyo."

"No problem Mina...so should we wait for Momo, or start?" Jihyo asked.

"Start."

Jihyo nodded as she headed to the music station as Mina watched her back, smiling at how amazing and friendly everyone was here...a certain someone more than others.

==========================================

TIMESKIP

ONE YEAR LATER

Oct 19, 2015

It was a grand momentous day for the nine women who have formed some months ago.

TWICE's debut song was released on YouTube and it was racking in numbers.

They watched it multiple times and it still got them as their feelings skyrocketed from their first song.

Every girl cried with happiness.

All their hard work, sweat, and patience finally paid off, and while every girl was happy with themselves as they were now full-fledged idols.

So much so that a celebration was spent in their dorm with their song being repeated all night with dancing, food, and drinks (alcohol-free) and goofing off until one by one, each girl dropped as sleep and fatigue took them as they headed to their rooms...except for one.

It was past midnight and the leader of Twice, Jihyo was basking in the barely lit room, watching the MV still on the TV.

An idol...Jihyo finally achieved her dream.

Ten years.

A decade it took her, but she got it.

She was now an idol, now part of a group and even the leader as well.

She pass through Sixteen and now she was here.

But she wasn't done, not by a longshot.

Her new members are looking up to her and Jihyo promised to be not just the best damn idol, but the best damn group and also the best damn leader in the world-

"Still up?" Jihyo flinched as she leaned forward and stared to her right and her heart swelled over Mina standing there in pajama pants and a pink no sleeve top. "Gomen, I didn't mean to scare you." She walked to her as Jihyo leaned back on the couch.

"Oh, it's fine. No, I can't sleep. Still too excited."

Mina settled down on the couch as Jihyo told herself to relax. Mina looked at the screen of Dahyun and Chaeyoung's rap portion but looked to Jihyo.

"So am I. I still can't believe it, I mean we've filmed for weeks for it, but to see it right there on Youtube for everyone to watch. Our first song." Mina smiled as Jihyo's heart raced. "I never thought I would debut so soon either.

Or the fact that people wanted me to be on Twice." Mina stared at her lap. "I know it's been months since we've formed, but it still feels incredible that I have fans you know." Mina turned to Jihyo as Jihyo shook her head.

"I don't think it's surprising, people loved watching you, Mina. Every performance you were in was always great and, well, you're pretty amazing to watch and listen to as well."

Jihyo blushed but the faint light made it impossible to see as Mina showed her angelic smile, but if you look closely, she was in the same state as Jihyo.

"A-arigato Jihyo. You're pretty incredible to watch and listen to as well." Jihyo felt warm in her stomach. "But I can't take all that credit...Jihyo, I want to thank you. It's because of vou l'm here."

"Mina-"

"Please, I've been meaning to thank you for a while, but now it's best now that we're alone.

When I first arrived, I've only listened to songs and karaoke and that's it, so when I first arrived through those main doors, I started to think, what if I didn't have what it takes to be anything in this line of entertainment." Jihyo was about to intervene, "I was so stressed and nervous, yet, I didn't want to turn and leave thinking what could have been. I came here to try my best and whatever happens, happens."

Jihyo thought those thoughts too.

"But then I met the most wonderful friends that I could have to ask for in you eight along my journey here, from trainee to Sixteen and now our filming and MV release, it's been amazing to experience with you eight."

Jihyo smiled warmly, but Mina looked down at her lap as she brought a hand up to her hair and pushed it behind her ear.

"But...it's because of you that I kept on going Jihyo."

Mina nodded and looked right at Jihyo and it caused her to have small heart attacks.

"After I first met you in the studio, Sana told me about you, about how you were here for almost ten years. I couldn't believe that you went that long, but Sana explained that you never gave up, you kept on going no matter how long it took for you to debut and kept training and working hard on everything you possibly could do."

Jihyo nodded just slightly.

"And I'll admit, after Sana told me about you, I didn't think she was telling the truth, but you told me yourself that lunch, and I was amazed, yet scared. Scared about how long it would have taken me to train, scared that you and Jeongyeon and Nayeon and Sana had so much experience, surely you girls wouldn't want to waste time with me, a first-day trainee, but I was wrong."

Mina reached out and placed her hand over Jihyo's as Jihyo's heart was on fire.

"But after our first training session together, you all have been there for me, but you Jihyo, you've been there day one and held nothing back to aid me in anything and everything whether it was in the agency or out of it. Not only that, you gave me the courage and strength to keep on going each day. And we trained each and every day, I felt that I wasn't going anywhere or wouldn't be able to do this, but you were there to make me feel otherwise. Sure there was the others, but it wasn't as close as you and I were Jihyo."

"..."

"And eventually when we were picked to be part of Sixteen, I was stressed that we would fend for each other, but no...you kept helping me whenever you could and not just in our group performances, but even in our rooms, you were there to talk and comfort me when everything felt so down."

Mina took a deep breath.

"There were days where I wanted to give up...but you wouldn't let me, not by forcing me to stay, but by being you and being my friend. And because of you Jihyo, I'm here. I'm here as an idol, here in a group with our first single, with amazing friends, and with an incredible leader whom I'm glad to be with."

Jihyo felt her emotions going high.

"And it's all because of you Jihyo. I am who I am now because of you...arigato Jihyo."

"Thank you for everything you've done for me in the past nine months. I promise that I'll be the best I can be and more to return what you've done for the rest of our time."

 Mina ended with a small gratifying smile to her leader and it made Jihyo feel every happy emotion in her system. 

So much so that Jihyo couldn't take it and brought Mina into a hug as Mina hugged her back.

"Mina...thank you. I promise to be the best leader I can be too and to be there for you for anything you need still okay? No matter what...I'm glad you're with me, Mina." Jihyo whispered as Mina hummed.

"And I promise the same to you. And I'm glad you're here with me too."

Okay, that feeling that Jihyo had before... yeah, it evolved.

===============================

TIMESKIP (STILL IN FLASHBACK)

One year later

Since that night, Jihyo and Mina became close, very close.

Not as close as Jihyo would have wanted, but she'll take it regardless.

Whenever it was something to do outside or inside, both would seek the other out to be paired up.

Both would hang in their rooms, doing anything the other wanted.

And Jihyo was with Mina every step of the way of their songs, concerts, photoshoots, and Mina was very appreciative of her.

No complaints.

No worries.

No stress.

That is until today...

'You can do it Jihyo, two words...two words...'

Jihyo sat there alone in her room, a million thoughts going through her mind at once; she honestly don't know what to think anymore.

She's tired of living a lie, but yet, the lie has made her life what it is today, but yet, wouldn't she be happier?

Wouldn't she be happy that she could finally be comfortable with herself and can finally stop worrying?

...Well, it's never that perfect, nothing ever goes down well with subjects like this.

'Everyone will be mad at me because l've been lying to them this entire time."

The nine of them have been through so much together and Jihyo didn't want to tarnish anything moving forward.

What would they think of her after telling them that she liked girls?

She sighed softly, what was she really afraid of?

Maybe it's just the different lifestyle, it's not easy being gay, society spits on you, they take away your rights, probably become an ex-idol for fans that are that much uncomfortable.

It's just not the life for her, but it's not like Jihyo had a choice.

She didn't choose to play for the other team, she was born with these damn feelings towards other women, and sometimes she hated it!

She hated that she can't be herself.

She hated lying to her friends.

And Jihyo was only human.

She's ever-changing and slowly, she's growing.

She could build an image and try to maintain it for as long as she could but she wouldn't be able to keep it up forever.

And every moment she spent with Mina, she realized that the facade would end sooner.

Mina was different, and Jihyo meant that in every sense of the word.

She was unlike any person she's met before.

She was unlike any girl she's met before.

She was always moving.

She's never met anyone quite as quiet as Mina who walks instead of runs and a choice of few words instead of talks, but Jihyo found that pleasant.

Her first impression of Mina was still the base of her impression now: beautiful, talented, dedicated, diligent but Mina was determined to prove that she could do better.

What Jihyo lacked intact, she made up for in perseverance.

Oh, how she had loads of it. 

When Jihyo was not being swept up by her training, Mina was hauling her along sometimes literally, but it impressed Jihyo for Mina to train this hard as her.

No one else made her smile quite as much as Mina did. 

And no one else put in as much effort too.

Only Mina.

And Mina did that only for Jihyo.

She was unique that way.

Mina was different.

Falling for Mina was different.

It was not only different but also inevitable.

She hated that she has these kept feelings for Mina hidden for SO LONG and she can't do anything about it.

It's horrible and Jihyo felt horrible.

But she can't come out.

She just can't do it,

Jihyo was terrified.

She didn't want to be hated by everyone, especially her sisters because she's been lying to them, besides her parents, she's never told anyone she's gay, never.

There have been so many times Jihyo thought and even tried coming out, but she failed every time.

The three reasons above were what made her want to confess but then she gets scared and yeah, it doesn't turn out well.

But Jihyo couldn't take it, she wanted to tell her sisters, she wanted to tell Mina that she was into girls; into her.

Even if Mina didn't swing that way, Jihyo couldn't hide these feelings any longer.

And today, today was the day...or so she thought.

She tried to muster to tell at least Naveon or Jeongyeon first, but fear got to her and it was too much to bear.

Today she wasn't all there and so quiet that even her members asked what was wrong and all she could do is lie and say 'everything is fine, just tired'

Just tired.

What a sad lie.

In fact, she just left dinner after not being able to eat even a spoonful of rice.

She excused herself and came into her room.

Jihyo groaned at how sad that must of looked and closed her eyes.

"All because I can't tell them who I am...all because I can't tell Mina how I feel...how pathetic..."

.

.

KNOCK KNOCK

Jihyo heard a soft knock at her door, "yeah?" she said mildly as the door slightly opens the love of her life slowly slips in.

"Hey Jihyo," she says softly, walking over to Jihyo's bed and sits down next to her, "you okay? You left dinner early and you've been in here all day, we're worried about you."

Whenever Mina knows there's something wrong, she won't stop until she finds out what it is and has done all she can do to help as Jihyo has done for her, one of the infinite reasons why Jihyo loves her.

"I'm fine Mina; I just have a lot on my mind that's all," Jihyo says softly.

"Well, what's on your mind?" Mina asks, "Is there anything I can help you with, you know I'm always here to listen." Jihyo smiles a little, Mina always wants to help everyone and she absolutely hates it when she can't; she also hates it when anyone won't let her help them.

Even just meeting a few weeks after she got into JYPE Mina has been around Jihyo with Sana or Momo to help translate as they hanged or trained, honestly more training as guided her.

And through Sixteen, whenever they were together or in the Minor or Major rooms, Mina helped Jihyo through it, she didn't stop until she made me smile, and not once did that smile not made Jihyo's heart beat, and never failed to put a smile on her face.

And a reason why Jihyo kept her secret, she didn't know what Mina will think.

"Jihyo?" Mina says slightly worried, her voice pulls Jihyo out of her thought.

"...nothing you need to worry about," Jihyo says, "just some things about family, nothing bad, that's all."

She lied.

She lied again.

"Hmm, so what's the real problem?" Mina asks not buying her answer.

Jihyo gulps, she planned on doing this, she could just tell her now, tell her everything,

She could come clean, and it would be off her chest.

All she has to do is tell her, just two words.

Jihyo turns to her and she looks into her eyes,

Even with an apprehensive feel, they're so beautiful, so dark, so full of care and so filled with love.

"...Mina...I-" Jihyo can't even start her sentence, her voice fails her, her heart's beating faster in her chest.

She waits patiently, her eyes growing full of concern.

Jihyo can't do it.

She can't tell her, but she has to, she has to do it!

She couldn't keep living this lie!

She didn't want to keep living this lie!

She couldn't handle it anymore!

Mina grew more worried as Jihyo's breathing increase.

"Jihyo, what's wrong?" she asks leaning forward and placed a hand on Jihyo's right arm and her body shuddered.

With a breath, Jihyo let her eyes give away everything she was feeling and she started to tear up, causing Mina to part her lips.

"I-I'm scared..."

Mina has only ever seen Jihyo cry three times: winning Twice, after their first concert, and their first award.

But to hear her idol being scared to tears pained and haunted her.

"H-hey, it's okay Jihyo, I'm here, I'm here for you."

Jihyo sniffed and gulped and took a couple of failed attempts of breathings.

"There you go, easy okay, I want to help you Jihyo, tell me what's wrong?"

"I-It would ruin everything if I did..." Jihyo spoke.

Now Mina was scared herself.

"You have no idea how much it could ruin things. I've been lying about it for too long now to just come out and tell the truth! It would ruin my friendships with you eight, especially you Mina!" Jihyo look down at her hands scratching into her thighs as Mina was trying to lower the tension as best as she could.

"Jihyo, no matter what, nothing will ruin anything with us nine. We're family." She notes softly. "No matter what it is, it won't change anything. I will still be at your side and you will still be one of my best friends, I care about you more than anything. I'll always be here, no matter what, I promise."

She whispered.

It was a line that was used a lot by people who often didn't really mean it. 

But Jihyo knew that Mina meant it.

She truly felt safe with her.

But how was she supposed to even bring such a subiect up? It seemed impossible to her.

There's only one way the conversation could go unless she felt the same as her.

She honestly doubted she would.

She summoned up as much courage as she could, taking a breath and steeling herself.

"...I like girls. And I mean it sexually..."

Mina's lips parted as Jihyo didn't dare look at her.

There were a few moments of silence as Mina processed Jihyo's statement.

Jihyo figured as much, her taking in this information. At least she didn't get yelled at, but then again, Mina never raises her voice.

Jihyo let out a shaky sigh as a few more tears fell down her face.

"...r-really?" Jihyo nodded. "Y-you?"

Jihyo merely nodded.

"I-I can't believe it..."

"I'm so sorry for keeping it from you girls, I understand if you're upset."

Jihyo's eyes lowered, not ready to take the heat from Mina.

"Jihyo..."

The leader of Twice closed her eyes, shame enveloped her being, but she had to be ready to hear all the negative comments and insults from her love.

It'll break her heart, but Jihyo wanted to-

PLACE

Jihyo stopped thinking as she felt her right hand being covered on her thigh.

"Y-you have no idea how happy I am."

Jihyo slowly turned upon hearing those words.

Did...did she hear that right?

"W-what...?"

Jihyo expression changed to a wild one as Mina...

"Heh, I'm also into girls."

"..."

Jihyo gulped, taking that information down her system like her saliva.

"...Y-you're joking..."

Mina shook her head.

"I'm not joking, I'm gay as well. Since middle school." Mina pressed a hand to her chest.

Now this time it was Jihyo's turn to turn forward at the shower of thoughts.

Not only did she came out, but to hear that Mina, her crush, was also into girls!

Then...then it could be possible!

Maybe! 

Just maybe!

"I-I can't believe that I'm not the only one, and it's you as well." Jihyo turned to Mina smiling ever so beautifully at her as Jihyo's heart was doing somersaults.

"I-I can't either," Jihyo muttered. "Mina don't joke with me."

"Jihyo, I promise you, l'm not. A-are you joking-"

"No...oh wow..."

Both gave an awkward smile to another.

'Should I tell her? I have to tell her right?! I mean...I have to!'

Mina turned forward and closed her eyes, releasing a sigh of relief as Jihyo pondered.

"Wow, I guess you know it feels so good to get that off our chest huh? I was so nervous to let you and the others know about my orientation since being a trainee."

She wanted Mina to tell Mina her feelings so bad.

She didn't want to live in a "what if" question anymore.

If Mina accepted, fantastic.

If she didn't, oh well.

"I have to! I got this far and to hear her say she's like me has to be a sign!'

Jihyo wasn't going to hold back this time.

"This is crazy, so crazy but so relieving and-"

"Mina." Mina turned to her and again, she saw Jihyo look so nervous once more, "..there's more."

Mina was visibly confused.

'What more can there be...unless...Jihyo likes someone...someone else...'

"There's more, the reason why I wanted to come out...not because I wanted to finally let you all know but I-I wanted to let you know the most because I was tired of hiding who I am, but more importantly, I was tired of hiding my feelings...for you."

Being shock was an understatement for Mina as she leaned back from Jihyo.

"I care so much about you Mina. So, so much that I-I have massive feelings for you..." Jihyo already said it so there was no hesitation to repeat it. "and I can't hide it anymore Mina," Jihyo got out. "You are so amazing and words can't describe how much you mean to me. Everything from our trainee days to our debut to now...you mean the world to me Mina...you're everything I could want in a girl: caring, talented, beautiful..."

"..."

"...and that's why I was afraid because I didn't want to ruin what we have.... understand if you don't share the feelings, but I couldn't hold it in any longer...I-I just wanted to tell you how I feel about you.

This was it.

Jihyo could feel herself trying to step over the edge, her entire soul prying on this moment.

The time came to a standstill as Jihyo drew what seemed like a never-ending breath.

She watched Mina's eyes widen...out of shock?

Out of disgust?

Out of excitement?

It was impossible to tell until Jihyo felt her cheeks being grabbed and forced to turn to Mina.

But it was a flash as her eyes widened, her body stiffen as Mina lunged forward and smashed her lips onto hers.

Mina was kissing Jihyo.

The J-line member kept pressing forward for a few seconds before releasing her lips from Jihyo's, her hands on her cheeks still as Jihyo was only able to stare at her smile.

"I-I feel the same to you Jihyo."

Jihyo felt a dam breaking in her heart.

Raging rivers of warmth, joy, excitement, arousal, and multiple other euphoric emotions flooded every inch of her body.

She felt her mouth turn upward into what she could only imagine was the dopiest, love-sick grin as Mina cracked a similar, but much more beautiful, smile.

"You mean a lot to me too Jihyo...you mean so much to me as well hehe...." she murmured over her shoulder added with a light chuckle.

Jihyo was so, so happy.

Mina reciprocated her feelings just as strongly as Jihyo felt them, and she could tell Mina was relieved too by the way her arms shook slightly around her.

Jihyo finally snapped herself out of her trance and returned the embrace, gently at first before daring to squeeze her tighter. It felt good, probably the best feeling Jihyo had ever experienced so far, even more than being on Twice...okay maybe just as much.

But that tight embrace was soon topped by an even better sensation when Mina pressed her lips against hers.

Jihyo closed her eyes, holding onto her partner's shoulders as she returned the kiss, thankful that her brain had registered it properly and she hadn't jerked away in surprise. 

She loved Mina so much, and she wanted to convey it through the contact.

The kiss was sweet and yet so telling, quenching a thirst they had both lived too many months dehydrating from.

Mina's insides stood tall and excited, swiveling in delight as she felt Jihyo kiss back, still amazed she had brought herself to initiate the contact. 

Her heart was still throbbing, but being pressed up against Jihyo like this so warmly for support, her pulse felt more elated than anything.

At last, they broke apart, panting slightly as Mina rested her forehead against hers.

"Wow.." Jihyo breathed. "Wow, hehe! D-Does this mean-"

"It certainly does," Mina smiled. "And it means we have tons to talk about, but it means that I want you too Jihyo, so much."

Jihyo's lips quivered as there was a moment of silence as they both let everything sink in. Three minutes ago they were just Twice members, but now they were-

"Girlfriends?" Jihyo babbled. "We're girlfriends now aren't we?"

"Maybe after a date or two, but that's right." Mina was too happy to keep distance between them, so she stepped in and hugged Jihyo again in a silent attempt to display her joy.

Jihyo eagerly returned the contact, willing to hold her like this for the rest of eternity if need be.

Moments passed as they reflected on the events that had just transpired, still a little shocked, but more than anything content and excited and oh so warm.

"Wow..." Jihyo breathed again. "w-we're...oh wow."

"You were making me so nervous today," Mina admitted. "But I'm happier than words can express, Jihyo. I don't know what to say either."

"Then let's not say anything," Jihyo murmured, tucking a lock of soft onyx hair behind Mina's ear before pressing another, gentler kiss to her lips.

Mina was so happy she felt she might cry, and in the end, a few tears did slip down her cheeks. 

Jihyo pulled back to brush them away with soft fingers. 

"My Mina," she mused to herself, "all mine."

"And my Jihyo, mine as well." Mina mirrored as they both leaned forward to-

SQUEAK

"Mina, is everything-gasp"

Both Jihyo and Mina jumped in their place as they heard the door being opened and Sana was standing there, eyes widened and mouth opened.

Both Mina and Jihyo were beyond embarrassed by being caught both by kissing and now that thev're lesbian.

What's to happen now, they didn't know, but now by being together, that lightened the ordeal, but even so, they weren't prepared for this...okay they should have been more careful, but everything was getting too much.

"W-were you two just-...are you two..." Sana pointed at both of them as she walked in closer, closing the door behind her.

Mina was beyond the color red of embarrassment so Jihyo took charge.

With Mina's returned feelings, it was a hell of a lot of stress taken off her, but still, with letting the others know, she was scared of their reaction too.

Jihyo took a deep breath and nodded, but was filled with anxiety about how fast this was going.

"Yes, Sana. Mina and I...we're gay...and we're together."

Saying that was a godsend to Jihyo's and Mina's feelings as Mina looked towards Jihyo.

Sana stopped in place.

"No...way..."

Jihyo nodded.

"I know Sana, I'm deeply sorry, but we'll explain every."

"Ahh! It's about time!"

"...eh" "...eh"

"Do you know how long we were waiting for this to happen!?" Sana outstretched her arms

...y-you knew?" Jihyo asked as Sana nodded.

"Well of course I knew! We all knew! We live together pabos! For god sake, we sleep in the same room!" Sana waved her hands around, "obviously Nayeon and I caught you checking each other out loads of time!"

Both girls were frozen in time.

"Ah I'm so happy for you two!" Sana looked like she was going to cry as well, "and before you ask, yes we're okay with you two, we always have been okay with it if anything happened between you two." Sana explained and that made Mina's and Jihyo's anxiety drop.

"Y-you are?"

"Yes, Jihyo we all are. We don't care about what you are or who you like, we love you both no matter what. You're still our leader and our penguin no matter what." Sana smiled and assured them and that hit Jihyo and Mina hard. "Just maybe don't tell manager-unnie yet though or anyone for that mat-ah Mina.

Jihyo turned to Mina and that did it, tears dropping down her cheeks like rivers and after seeing her new girlfriend cry, got Jihyo to start tearing up as well again.

Both were from happiness and relief.

In a span of no less than five minutes, both Jihyo and Mina lives went up for the best and every negative thought they had gone away instant after instant.

Before Jihyo could do anything, Sana came forward and hugged Mina in a flash.

"Don't cry, Mina. Please." She soothed as Mina burrowed her head into Sana's shoulder.

"Ahe...g-gomen sniff...l-I'm just so happyyyehe.." And Mina started to cry into Sana's shoulder as Sana patted her back.

Jihyo felt her hand being squeezed as Mina's interaction brought Jihyo into the hug as well as she joined near Mina's head and gave her a kiss on the side.

"I'm happy too Mina. So happy..." Jihyo let her tears drop as well as the three shared this hug together.

With their newfound relationship and with Sana's confession of the other members happy for them, Jihyo and Mina couldn't be anymore ecstatic to live in the open now and with each other for the next six years like this.

===========================

FLASHBACK OVER

PRESENT TIME

"Jihyo."

Jihyo's eyes shot up to Mina's turned head.

"We're not gonna have any film if you keep staring at me like that."

"But it's the best thing to watch~" Jihyo grew a large smile as Mina rolled her eyes.

"We're shooting a commercial, remember work first." Mina pointed at the camera in the corner, "now I have to delete it and start again."

"I know, gomen...but you can't blame me due to those sweats of yours." Jihyo pouted as she heard Mina laugh.

"I needed to wear something to work out in.

Just sit in front of me then." Mina didn't turn as she was focusing on the camera.

"Aww...well, I do need a small convincing to do so~"

Mina turned to Jihyo as she stood up and walked towards Mina.

"Jihyo, sigh fine, but then we work okay." Mina pointed at her as Jihyo nodded.

"Then we work, now come here~"

Mina smiled as Jihyo got up to Mina, grabbed her by the neck, and kissed her girlfriend full one.

If the kiss wasn't obvious enough, Mina and Jihyo are still a couple.

Apart from their own group, no one else knows about them, not even their manager still.

It was even arranged that Jihyo and Mina would switch bedrooms with Momo and Jeongyeon to leave the room for them to have their private time together...and no, it wasn't ALWAYS that kind of 'private times'

It was merely for them to be together without disturbing or being interrupted by Nayeon and Sana.

Plus it worked for them as well with Sana and Momo along with Nayeon and Jeongyeon being closer to one another.

Their manager took notice but disregarded thinking Jeongyeon and Momo were happier with the two.

Ever since then, the two have been inseparable, even during out in public, but they wouldn't showcase any couple acts out, merely being close to each other.

So much so, that their shipping name rose to the very top of the Twice ships, but all the members laughed it out though.

And so here we are.

Jihyo went towards her, and she stood to greet Mina.

It's a romantic novel cliche, to say they melted into each other's arms, but they did. 

It was as if their bodies wanted to meet, each wanting to accommodate the other so that they fitted together perfectly in a tight embrace.

------------------------------

I GUESS TUMBLR HAS 1000 BLOCK LIMIT THAT I CAN'T GET PASS SO THIS IS 1/2, 2/2 WILL BE IN ANOTHER POST.

IF ANYONE KNOWS HOW TO FIX, PLEASE MESSAGE, THANKS.

[kanmom51]

JM live 15 June 2023 20:46 or 8:46pm KST

cr./to the creators of the media used in this post.

*Disclaimer: I hate Tumblr and it's stupid ass image limit. My personal feeling about this post is that it's lacking, but I guess c'est la vie, did the best under the circumstances (at least that's what I'll keep telling myself).

Guess what?

We already saw the pattern with JK, but is it possible that JM is joining in on the it? I guess we'll just have to wait and see, won't we?

I won't be talking about every single thing that came up in JM's 1 hr. and 20 min. live. What I will do is touch on a few of the interesting things that happened during the live (well, what I found interesting at least), and what followed the live as well. Because JM didn't just show and dip. He wanted to take up home in his pocket, although he did think that over 7 million at his place might be too much, maybe if it was half of that it would be ok, lol. But we know JM, for reals, he wouldn't do a live at home, so he did the second best thing, which was to come back to us with posts and comments on Weverse.

Anyways, what did we have in the live?

JM talked about the 10 year anniversary a bit. Telling us he's not really that excited, but the biggest emotion he's feeling is fun. I get the not feeling excited. He also explains why. I'm happy that he felt it fun, I can't help but think that it was a bit of a bitter sweet celebration for them. He touched, not touched on it, when he mentioned the two members in the army at the moment.

JM tells us what he's up to lately, his daily schedule, more or less.

He's asked if he's working on a song, and JM like JM answers this:

He later gives us a little more detail: he's been working out and eating healthy and working on some music and living well. Once a week he allows himself to rest.

The question I ask is if JK allows him to rest too? Lol, nah. I guess that's the day they take off to visit Bammie. Ehm... we do have the scratch to prove it...

Jokes aside, JM talks about how it's good for him to have a set schedule and be at work. For him and JK both (that's me talking not JM). And seeing that RM kind of spilled the tea, we can guess that the workouts are probably, at least some of the time, together with JK.

At the 10:40 mark approx. Tae shows up in the comments.

JM, the kind of sassy and a true Slytherin that he is tells Tae, he will if Tae continues to comment for the whole time.

Well, I guess that was the end of it for Tae, lol.

Fuck people for calling him chubby in the comments. I hate this obsession with his weight, but even more so I hate people sitting at home on their asses and calling this 1.73 meter tall man that weighs 62.5 kg after putting on over 4 kg to get there, chubby. Like wtf? Man is skinny. And minus those 4 kgs he was fucking too skinny. Do they want him to starve himself? Do they not remember the issues he had in the past with his weight (issues which always linger even if you are "eating healthy" as he put it)?

Ok, so at around 14:55 min. JM's asked for the first time about the rainy day fight. When watching live, I kind of thought he was evading the question, but him answering the question later on, I tend to believe that maybe he just misunderstood the question at that point.

JM talks about sleep and R.E.M and how when you dream your mind is active and you don't really get deep sleep, and watching a video about it. I find it kind of funny and coincidental - NOT - that JK seems to have said practically the same things using similar wording in his live as well.

But no, they definitely aren't spending time together.

JM tells us he went to sleep at 6 am, woke up at 12 pm, made himself some chicken breast to eat and went back to sleep. Sound familiar anyone?

Sleep patterns. Chicken breast for lunch.

But no, they definitley aren't spending time together.

JM is asked to do the live all night.

He wants to sleep early.

Funny how that didn't work out for him... I guess someone was staying up to be able to speak with that very special person that happened to be in LA and would be waking up just as JM was supposed to go to sleep?

Slept at 12 and woke up at 8, ate at 12 pm, rest and go to workout at 2:30 pm approx., start working at 5 pm, at night he studied English. Ehm...didn't somebody else just let us know, repeatedly, that he's working hard on his English?

From his 5 June live:

Nah, I guess just another coincidence.

What I'm finding interesting is if JM is done with his promotions and it's off to the army any time now, why would he be working on his English?

Oh how I do hope that this is for something in the pipelines that involves the two of them TOGETHER!!!

Well, it is hard to break a sleeping pattern that has been with you for years and years. We all know of JM and JK's late night/early morning escapades. All night buddies that they are.

Rainy day fight, JM's version:

So this time around JM understands the comment asking about the rainy day fight and gives us his version of it.

Of course we got JM's JK smile.

He does tell us he's giving us an edited version of it. JK, on the other hand, edited without telling us, lol. Both said a lot about the what happened before and after, but magically didn't mention exactly what was said at the moment by JK to anger JM so so much for him to react the way he did.

Anyway, we got is the story from JM's pov. And yes, there are some differences, but I wouldn't expect otherwise. 2 people, 2 povs. No 2 stories would ever be exactly the same.

The main discrepancy I found was the timeline. JK's being when they were trainees, and JM's all over the place but still later on (2014-15). Idk, I'm gonna side with JK on this one, lol. Like I mentioned in the post about JK's live, I feel like this fight was way more impactful for JK than it was for JM. And as such it's more etched on his brain than it is for JM.

Something I found interesting was how each of them was keen to take responsibility for the fight. JK blaming himself for how he behaved and what he said, and JM the same.

What I also found interesting and very much not surprising is how this fandom roles. JK taking blame for the fight = "oh poor baby bunny JK, how big of him to take the blame"; JM taking blame fir the fight = "omg, how mean is JM picking on baby bunny JK, being so mean to him, ugh we hate JM."

Did I mention how there are some parts of this fandom that I absolutely despise?

One thing they both corroborated was the state of JK's eyes the morning after, lol.

Both JM and JK were happy giggly while telling the story.

A fight that definitley left it's mark of them both but also something to reminisce back on fondly.

Something else we learnt from JM's live was that he most definitely watched JK's live. He watched JK tell us about the rainy day fight and he also found JK's impersonation of G-Dragon very funny.

When is your next album coming JM?

Listening to army love letter

JM was truly moved by this.

Did JK cook Ramen for you?

JM averting eyes away from camera and moving on at the speed of light to..."oh angel pt. 2 came out today..."

There are 1001 options to why not yet. I'm not going to even start going there, because it's irrelevant and unimportant.

What I do know is JM chose to answer that comment but a. unlike the other comments that had to do with JK which he did answer, this one answer didn't come with a JK or jungkookie attached to it. It was short and he was done with it, and b. the way he looked away from the camera while saying it and repeating it once before just changing the subject was just so sus and felt like overcompensating.

Of course there are those that jumped at it like the dead feeders that they are. This must mean that they haven't seen each other. That JM isn't important to JK, etc. etc.

Funny how JM and JK don't see each other but are eating the same things for lunch, like Chicken breast and rice… or how they aren't seeing each other but JM somehow, magically, adjusted JK's mood lamp at JK's place…telepathy and telekinesis I guess. Oh, and did we discuss the sleeping patterns yet or the fact that they both happened to bring up the science mambo jumbo about sleep and dreams, almost word for word? But nope. They definitley aren't seeing each other and definitley aren't close. Also, for someone that is distanced they sure seem to be keeping up with each others lives. JM must be really bored to be sitting down and watching JK's long ass lives.

Moving on.

JM, being the king of evading answering whatever he doesn't want to answer, reads out comments asking about travel and tattoos, and decides those are topics he does not deem answer worthy, lol.

Do I talk about the goldfish lips? Nah, I don't wanna. Go watch!

Mashimaro

And this is JK way back in 2015 already.

JM assuming the position

So after saying he should do the next live lying down, cheeky thing that he is decided he's taking JK's sleeping live and raising him one, by taking us all home with him in his pocket, lol.

Although he took it all back. Yeah yeah, excuses excuses. So he can't fit 7 million into his place. Boo hoo. 3.5 million he can but 7 he can't. I do not accept such a cop out.

And then he was done, well more or less. Hungry, asking us for recommendations for food, and tired, he says his goodbyes and turns the live off.

But that wasn't the end of it. Nope.

Remember JM said he'd update us when he got home?

Well, he did. He came back to update us time after time after time.

And a comment too

Oh, and the next day as well.

Also interesting how that 5 and 8 found their way time after time into JM's posts and/or comments. 58 that happens to represent JK time after time.

At the end of the day what did we get from the live?

We got the rainy day fight - JM's perspective (muddled up timeline though, but I forgive him, getting old does make you forgetful, lol).

We got JM tell us he has seen JK's live, the one with him telling us his side of the rainy day fight and doing his G-Dragon impersonation, and I think we can assume he saw the sleeping live too.

I can't help but wonder if JM was reprimanded for commenting on JKs previous lives (you know with the shrimp, not really shrimp, comment and let me tie your hair), or perhaps he's just laying there enjoying watching his bf crush on him live.

We had JM call army and their comments cute. Funny, huh? How JK did that too?

Kind of interesting how the two seem to be saying the same things (the cute and the sleep talk), acting the same way, eating the same things.

I was going to add a clip and link here to JK's chicken breast eating tales, him cooking chicken breast with rice, him talking about eating chicken breast for lunch. Him eating healthy now days. Sounds familiar does it? JM talking about eating chicken breast for lunch, about eating chicken breast with rice. About eating healthy lately...

But damn Tumblr won't allow me. So you guys will either have to take my word for it (please don't), or go looking. You will see I am right...

For fun I will just leave you here with this:

Cause why not end this with an ear to ear smile on our faces?

[fishyfishyfishtimes]

I am Annoyed you didn't include mako sharks, they are the best. They understand honor and revenge and will sink your boat if you mess with them. You have no taste, sir. Go learn about makos.

I’m sorry anon, but what the fuck. “Makos know honour and revenge and will sink my boat if I mess with them, I have no taste (oh, yeah, and the sir really makes it all so formal and nice), go learn about makos??” There was a million ways to word the thought, “I wish mako shark was on the poll,” and you chose this one.

You suppose I consciously decided to leave out a hugely popular shark? You think I decided to only have a certain amount of sharks and left out several favourites on purpose?? Buddy, the fucking solution existed all along. You would’ve found it out if you checked the comments of the first poll and scrolled down a little. It’s that simple.

Whaaat!!!! Oh em gee, it’s a second poll!! It already existed all along AND it has the mako shark!!!! Who could’ve guessed!?? ME. I DID BECAUSE I MADE THE DAMN THING.

Sure, I could’ve kept your beloved mako on the first poll. But tumblr only has a 12 option limit! So who to replace? Hmm…. How about the whale shark?? I’m sure if I had done that, then absolutely no one would’ve complained about it in my notes and asks in the hundreds, wondering where their lovely little shark favourite is!!! The options that people requested after the first poll (literally IN THE FIRST TWO HOURS AFTER THE FIRST POLL WAS MADE mind you) fill an entire second poll by themselves for cod’s sake. It’s a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation! If you don’t find your favourite shark in a poll, well… consider that there’s a whole bunch of sharks that the poll’s creator can only pick 12 from?? That leaves many out, you just pick your second or third favourite and move on!

[leopardom]

i thought i wouldn't end up making one of those sappy posts before the end of 2023 but here we are i guess

what i wanna say in advance is a huge thank you, and that i'm sorry

this year has been a nightmare for me and i can't stress that word enough. i won't get into details, if you follow me you may have seen some occassional rant posts. long story short though, i'm ending 2023 being mentally exhausted af and even though i'm not in my most optimistic mood, i hope 2024 will not as shitty as 2023

as of my tumblr presence, there have been some changes. i jumped from one fandom to another without completely leaving the bc fandom. i'm just not that much in the mood anymore. maybe this will change once the new album is out? we'll see 👀 and jumping to another fandom means that i lost contact with so many people from the bc fandom. i promise you i didn't do this on purpose and i don't hate or stopped liking any of you. it just... things got weird and a bit too much in my head and now idk how to keep contact without looking extremely weird in this fandom

anyway! entering another fandom has been weird not only in means of interests but also in means of communication. ever since i remember my tumblr activity in any fandom, i always tried to interact as much as possible with other accounts and talk with people, whether that was via posts or messages. in the jo fandom i feel like i have kinda failed that

i'm aware that i post a lot and i'm probably everywhere with the content updates and the gifs. and that may be annoying to some people. and i understand it, i don't like it but i understand it and i wanna apologise for being... all over the place yet not really reaching out to anyone in the fandom or building any kind of online friendship

idk if there's an accurate explanation for the way i feel about this so i'll put it in the best words possible: i wanna make jokes and have fun in here and exchange random messages or mentions in posts and talk shit or not about jo etc, but i feel like my social anxiety (both online and offline) has passed any limit i had put to it until now that i end up thinking it's actually wrong to interact with anyone in this fandom. because everyone has already connected with some people and have built a specific line of interests and you all seem so fucking cool for someone who is as insecure and scared to talk as me so i end up hiding behind my gifs, shitposts and content updates in hopes that people will like me or at least aknowledge i exist in this fandom. and again, that's all on me, there's no one to blame for this behaviour but me and my fucked up mind (which got even more fucked up in the past year). so idk, i feel like i wanna apologise for this, for being like that

however, no matter the anxiety, i must admit that the jo tumblr fandom was actually my escape when things in real life got bad bad. i've spent hours scrolling through the jo and kaarija hashtags in hopes of seeing something unhinged and funny to lift my mood and you know what? i found something every single time. and that was more than nice. if it wasn't for all of you being as funny and crazy (in a positive way) as you are, i'd feel even worse. but every time i open the jo hashtag there's someone posting a wholesome thing or saying something unhinged like how many ways has Kris listed to kill Bojan in his sleep lmao

anyway i ended up writing a lot, this could easily be an entry to the journal that i don't keep but maybe should start keeping. if you read until this point, congratulations for going through all this ramble and i'm sorry

hope 2024 is gonna be a lot different than 2023 but in a good way this time. and i hope i get better and actually get to interact more with all of you great people 💕 and obviously i hope you all have a fantastic year ahead of you 💖

[apparencies]

the other day my press secretary advised me to diversify the voids into which i scream, which is why i'm tentatively returning to oversharing on tumblr dot com (which has changed completely in my year long absence and i'm deeply disturbed WHO are tumblr lives for?). i thought this would be nice moment in time to return since, after handing in my last two research papers a few weeks ago, the only thing standing between me and my master's degree is my actual thesis. horrifying to think about, honestly, but alas. i just think it might keep me a little more sane to keep a diary of sorts of my progress.

SO. in review, this degree has been truly insane so far, and definitely pushed me to limits i didn't even know i had in a multitude of different ways, but - as is often the way of these things - i really have learnt a lot, and that goes beyond specific polisci knowledge. speaking of which, i'm now a *stats girly*. i mean i can barely operate stata and it's entirely unwillingly but i still think it counts, so there. my focus has also shifted (or rather, expanded) from populism studies to include democratic representation and responsiveness, which really was just a product of the prof i studied under quite a bit and also the project work i do as a research assistant. i'm thinking my thesis might develop somewhere at that intersection, but i can't bear to think about it in any real detail yet. i'm saving that for when the semester actually starts in two weeks.

the rough timeline is: classes start in two weeks and, besides an intro to R seminar i haven't actually gotten into yet, i'm only visiting a colloquium to develop my thesis and one week-long intensive seminar (on intersectionality!! i didn't realise anyone at my institute even knew that word). i know the last months of the year are going to slip through my fingers much faster than i think, so i'd like to have several research ideas until then and settle on one that i can present in it's entirety (including theory, hypotheses, research design etc.) towards the end of january. at which point - i guess all i have to do is write the thing? my goal is to hand in at the beginning of june and hopefully defend my thesis towards the end of the month and use the remaining months of the semester until my grant runs out to do one last internship (abroad, if i can manage it!) before i become a working girl. scream. that's absolutely not terrifying to think about.

i am kind of excited? i do think i've found my strengths in academia and there are definitely so many questions i'd love to ask and contribute towards answering, but it's such a big project and i feel a lot of pressure to produce a certain level of work (intrinsic as well as extrinsic). but i suppose others have done it and there's really nothing left to do but get started, so i might as well. famous last words?

[retribution-if]

I mentioned censorship because there are a lot of debates about what should and shouldn't be censored because of racism, or homophobia and other issues. Roald Dahl for example. I explained that I am white and from a predominantly white place because I thought it was relevant that I haven't witnessed racism irl, and to explain any gaps in my knowledge.

I asked you to delete my message if it upset you, because I didn't want you to feel like you had to deal with it, but could just delete it and forget it.

I did not know that you were POC, I don't know why you think I should be looking for information about you on your tumblrs when they aren't about you. Wouldn't you have found it creepy if I did? I don't know what point you're trying to make about English being your second language?

I bought up racism because a lot of people use skin color to decide who they're going to be racist to, do you think those kinds of people really care what race the other person is? I saw your post explaining why you limited the skin colours, and saw the reaction you received because of it. For a lot of people skin colour has ties to race, regardless of whether the story explicitly has different races or not. Star Wars doesn't have different human races but there was a lot of backlash for the characters played by John Boyega and Kelly Marie Tran. I don't even think that there are confirmed humans in Star Wars.

I explicitly wrote that nothing should be about white peoples comfort with race, and I never asked you to change anything, I said that you should do what you think is best as it is your story. I explained that my discomfort came from the fact I will never experience racism like POC. It feels wrong to pretend to be something that I will never be and will never experience, unlike POC, who do experience racism because of how unfortunately common racism is. I thought it would be insulting to POC to pretend to be something I am not, and will not experience the negatives of.

I wanted to give you a point of view that you may not have considered when you made your decision, but I have upset you and I am sorry. I said that your game would probably not explore racism anyway. However I do think you did slightly make it about race with the skin color options you choose, because they are normally adjectives used to describe POC's skin tones, you didn't go for fantasy nature colors. If you want to make a story for POC, that is entirely up to you, there should be more, everybody deserves to feel represented. As I wrote before, it's your story and you should write what you want.

Again I'm sorry I have upset you, I didn't intend to, but I have, so I can only apologise. Good luck with your works.

And for my response to this, you don't have to be POC to play as POC. I'm POC but I play as either the light-skinned or dark-skinned on different IF's I consume. Do you see anyone being insulted over that? No. You don't.

I want to accept your apology and explaining everything, but the reasons are making me second guess.

I wanted to give you a point of view you may not have considered when making your decision,

[…]

However I do think you did slightly make it about race with the skin color options you choose, because they are normally used to describe POC skintones, you didn't go for fantasy nature colors.

Things like that in your apology are the reason why I don't want to accept it.

"Point of view I didn't consider"? I am very aware that I wouldn't accomodate for everyone, and not all will like my decision to limit the MC customization, but I did it still knowing that. I want cohesion and things to make sense in the story, and by having a light-skinned MC won't work in this narrative sense.

Again, this is never about race. You are making it about that. I am just a writer working with the words I have and trying to be respectful.

And " you didn't go for fantasy nature colors"… well, um, alright…?

I appreciated that you apologized for your last ask, but seeing the points on this one and certain wordings, I'm sorry but I won't accept it.

EDIT because I need to add this: How the hell is Star Wars even related to all of this? You're driving the point away from this entire topic, so please stop trying to "educate" me. I don't care, because whatever you said is not related to the topic at hand here and you are only looking like a fool for digging a deeper grave. Have a good day.

[x0401x]

I really thought that Gilbert was going to find out more about Violet's past. second Benedict said that he had found clues about his younger sister, but the subject is not mentioned again, we know that he has been saving to make another trip to find her

We should petition for Akatsuki Kana to write more, lol. Jk but I'd love if VE came back one day to explain all the shit that was never revealed or confirmed.

I am one of those people who first saw the anime and then read the novel, obviously I prefer the novel, without reading the novel, I realized that characters like Erika and Iris are empty, especially Erika who we only know that she wants to be a writer and iris i hate her

I like that “obviously” a lot. XD

Sorry it doesn't let me write much but it continued. Erika is a character who happens in limbo, she has nothing interesting and she has no chemistry with anyone. pffff Erika×benedicto seems like a joke, Cat, well at first it gave me a good impression, well you know I saw the anime first, but I prefer the Novela, even so it is the only one of the group of ch that I like as a friend of Violeta, or older sister, since they do have chemistry, I'm not satisfied with Cat anime, but I like it

Yeah, Tumblr has a character limit for asks! But don't worry, you can send me as many as you want whenever! Also, I agree, it felt like a joke. I guess it was a joke.

I agree with the take on Cattleya as well. She's the only canon character whose anime counterpart didn't bother me that much. But yes, she's a thousand times more interesting in the novel. I think I didn't mind her because they changed her appearance so much along with her personality that it felt like I was looking at an entirely different character, just with the same name.

I hate that they removed the gay part from the anime, but she is the only one in the anime who can be considered Violet's best friend, because they have a lot of chemistry. the only character that was created by the Anime that I like is Luculia, because unlike Erika and Iris (you don't know how much I hate iris) she is the only one who is interested in Violeta and wants to help her in a certain way, maybe they are not the best friends but they look good

Lux will always be the bestie and without her, there's no bestie at all! And yeah, I like Luculia too. I like all the characters from the Doll school, tbh. They were nice.

You don't know how much I hate Iris, it's something that has stayed with me since the 2nd chapter, she's a capricious girl and her reason for being a doll doesn't make sense, she doesn't seem to have talent either, in her story they want to make her look like someone who breaks stereotypes with him typical "there is more to life than marrying a man" and wearing pants

Not much makes sense in the anime, tbh. And actually, Iris did want to marry a guy, lol. Btw, her pants were a design choice in order to make the characters have different styles from each other, according to Takase Akiko. In the last movie, she's wearing a skirt.

without realizing Violet (more in the novel than anime of course) does not break, like breaking a pencil, if she does not put a bomb on the word stereotype and she is not a woman, she is a WOMAN (in the novel it is clearer why is more independent than in the anime, since in the novel he destroys even the universe) successful, hard-working, strong (strong if he falters if we talk about anime) and capable of anything for the love of his life (in this part I prefer put Gil novel)

I don't get why Violet's pronouns are masculine here, but I agree with this too.

Well, I've gotten off the topic of my hatred of Iris, she's an empty character, her actions have no motive or reason, they should have placed her in another section as a portfolio if she wants to break stereotypes so much, they should never have placed her as "Violet's best friend" that no one eats it

“No one eats it” I’m losing my shit at this bit.

Iris must have come across as someone who doesn't like Violet or someone who at first didn't like her, but now she likes her a little better, if we left her as a best friend she would be a bit toxic, don't you think?

Well, I don’t think they’re best friends. Even the anime never really mentioned that. Lux ftw.

Writing up to this point I realize two things: first, my hatred of Iris is more than enormous XD, second, violet anime does not have many "friends" and is much more lonely which makes me sad, because almost nobody really knows her

Yeah. That’s one of the things that gets me (in a bad sense) about the anime. It’s so unnecessarily lonely. So depressing. So bleak. Hardly anybody actually seems to have a deep connection with anyone, and when they do, it’s always the canon characters. The anime originals waltz in, do a few things, say some bullshit that supposedly is very deep, and boom, everything is solved. It’s so empty and so lackluster.

Violet anime does not have a solid relationship in the anime, rather she is alone, Gilbert anime, better not mention it because it would never end, Hog is an attempt at father, although in the end it is only if the boss who helped her and that's it, Erika and Iris are just coworkers, Cat is the only one who really cares about Violeta and supports her maybe not as much as the one in the novel, but she gives us a feeling of mother and daughter

I gotta disagree with that one. Even Cattleya was set aside in the movie. She was barely there and didn’t seem to miss Violet at all.

Benedicto is just a co-worker, Luculia will be like that friend you see from time to time, the real friend is Amy and it's sad that they can't see each other, that's why I don't think it's strange that Violet doesn't miss her classmates, when he leaves with PunkHoel Gil

Wow, this punk hoe Gil thing really will never die. XDDD

none can replace Lux who is quite interesting and has a certain resemblance to Violeta, and I have come to feel that they are like sisters and it shows that Violeta loves her very much, the one who half reaches her (well, she does not step on her heels) is Luculia who I felt similarity in wanting to help Violeta

Yep!

the ch team from the anime is a work team without depth and without development, you can't talk about them as "friends" or "Family" Hoggins and Cat would have a one night stand XD and neither has a friendly chemistry with Violet

Still not over the fact that Hodgins and Cattleya actually had sex in the anime. And Hodgins didn’t think much of it. Ugh.

the ch team of the novel are literally a Family there is a lot of chemistry between them and especially with Violet, they have a deep relationship and we can meet and sympathize with them

Preach!

in conclusion, violet anime does not have many friends, she is more lonely and does not have much chemistry with the other characters as it should be, in violet novel, she has a better relationship with the characters and I can feel that she is not alone and more with Gil novel violet novel can return home and feel a family a boyfriend and is safer, violet anime, returns home and only finds her co-workers

You get it!

I love you so much and sorry for writing a bible

I love you more! And I love bibles! Write as many as you want!

[waspsinyouryard]

I’m curious how everyone’s year was so please tell me what you favourite ----- from this year was! Answer as many or as few as you want! (Feel free to send this to other people and change it if you want)

Favourite Movie/Show you watched: 

Favourite Album you listened to:

Favourite thing you learned: 

Favourite book/comic: 

Favourite project you completed: 

Best impulse purchase?

Funniest joke you heard?

Strangest building you went in?

New food you discovered?

Most memorable conversation?

Prettiest sunset?

Favourite new outfit?

What are you proud of this year?

Favourite Memory from this year: 

Anything you would change? 

Anything you’re looking forwards to in the new year?

~Gumi

I'm going to try and answer all of these but I can already tell that some of these are going to be difficult:

1. Favorite movie/show

I don't really watch movies out of my own volition and I'm like the one Tumblr user who doesn't watch TV shows (and my memory is bad, so I could also be forgetting something) so my options are very limited:

The FNAF movie (which was laughably terrible)

Stranger than Fiction (a 2006 movie that was just. not good. I didn't like it.)

Rio 2 (a kid sitting next to me for a substantial amount of time was watching it and I could hear the audio)

Out of those options I'd probably have to say the FNAF movie was my favorite because it was bad in a funny way and also recency bias.

2. Favorite Album

My music consumption is almost exclusively video game soundtracks and I haven't really found any games to love the soundtrack of recently anyways so

3. Favorite thing I've learned

I can't think of any one piece of knowledge that stands out as my favorite. I'm just happy to know things tbh

4. Favorite Book/Comic

I read quite a few books (mostly the Warriors series, near the beginning of the year) but my favorite probably still has to be Love and Limerence by Dorothy Tennov. I reread it this year so it counts.

5. Favorite project I completed

Probably this ridiculous 14k word Wings of Fire fanfiction where the world ends tbh. It's kinda very rough, but I had a blast making it.

6. Best impulse purchase

A greenish-blue Hawaiian shirt

7. Funniest joke

Unironically this

Leave the poor woman alone :(

8. Strangest building

Probably the church I took those photos in tbh. I get that it's not that strange overall but it was for me

9. Best new food

I can't think of any new food, but I did discover that French fries and (to an admittedly lesser degree) saltine crackers make surprisingly good additions to toppings and/or fillings.

10. Most memorable conversation

This one's memorable in a bad way.

Essentially, it was a conversation between myself and a friend about a Minecraft server we were on where said friend told me that I managed to piss off every single other member of the server. Of course I was a bit distraught about this, and I decided that I just wouldn't play on it anymore. Before that I was basically the most active member by far.

The reason I remember it so well is because I'm still so baffled about why what I did (kill the Ender Dragon on the first day of a new world (after rules regarding doing so were specifically abolished) and kill the Wither like a week later) enraged these people so much that they called for my friend to ban me (he didn't, btw).

11. Prettiest sunset

All of them. Unless I'm trying to go west and the sun is shining in my eyes.

12. Favorite new outfit

The Hawaiian shirt I mentioned previously.

13. Things I'm proud of

Here's a list, not in any sort of order:

Writing that fanfic I mentioned earlier

Figuring out Tumblr API stuff so I could improve @postsofbabel. And I guess it in general.

My progress on a new fanfic set in the Warriors world, where being sold to 1D is a major plot point.

Surviving, tbh

14. Favorite memory

uh

15. Anything I would change

I would change a lot about 2023, but I simply do not think I would have the ability enact a lot of these changes if I could go back through this year again.

16. Anything I'm looking forward to

World of Goo 2. Probably more that I can't think of at the moment but World of Goo is excellent

[blackcatanna]

LET THE ORGY OF SADNESS CONTINUE: Okita's Route Part 3: Edo Blossoms

I'm very interested to see how this plays out. Tbh, I don't really get this relationship yet but that seems consistent with how I felt before Edo Blossoms in the other routes so, yes, I am excited! :D I hope that Kaoru doesn't die X_X I want at least one route with Kaoru redemption but I am not at all optimistic...

Chapter 1:

"Something else entirely had me preoccupied..." Could it be... one spicy, stabby boi?

Wait, are we... LIVING TOGETHER? 👀

Quick question: do silver bullets affect demons or just furies?

BWWWWAAAARRRP!!! PHYSICAL CONTACT ALARM! "I held his soft, trembling fingers in my hands," Whoa there. Please calm down. I cannot allow this level of unbridled eroticism in my Good Christian Suburb.

In all seriousness, though, I GUESS this is SOMEWHAT sweet and romantic but I want everyone to know that I'm saying this under duress. >:( If I fancied him, this would wring the fuck out of my heart.

"Are you sure? You aren't just saying that?" Glad to see that Doctor Chizuru studied under Doctor Gregory "Everybody Lies" House.

"Why is it that you're always here when I wake up?" If you can't figure it out, I sure as hell am not going to tell you!

"Okita seemed to take pleasure from my surprise, and he stared into my eyes." X_X Of course he did... Because he loves to provoke reactions.

"Answer me." MAKE ME >_<

"looking off to the side in a fit of feigned indifference." < Okita in a nutshell

Is he upset because I said that I was here because of worry and guilt? Because, tbh, fair enough. Those were pretty dumb things to say, making out like it's a burden instead of admitting that I actually like being around him >:(

"Well, I guess that's fine then." X_X Oh, come on! Don't use the f-word on me like that! D:

"She's lying." YAMAZAKI!!! >_<

"Look, I know you can't stop thinking about me, but this whole doting-all-day-and-night thing is tiring." Called. The fuck. Out. X_X

Tbf, it seems kind of hypocritical to be fussing over someone while refusing to let them even inquire about your own health. Plus, it's a very one sided arrangement, which is not healthy X_X

"stop throwing a bitch fit" XD Okita is my new hero :')

"I didn't know that my behaviour became a cause for concern for them, too." Then, perhaps, you are foolish and inconsiderate -_-

O: Okita!?? Did he faint?! O_O

Woo! Going on an adventure with YAM! :)

There had better not be any creepy bald fuckers waiting in mah house! >:(

Are all doctors bald in 1860s Japan????

I'm so happy that Yamazaki's still alive in this route :) TOUCH WOOD.

"*Grunt* *Cough*..." Ah, I knew it was only a matter of time before I caught tb -_- (jk)

No, never split the party! D:

"However the price to pay is life itself." DUN, DUN, DUUUUUUUUUN!!! So much for it granting "immortality"

"the poisonous Water of Life" uh... Isn't that kind of an oxymoron X_X

"Retaining your sanity is impossible without feasting on blood." Ah, so all along, the Shinsengumi were just feeding the furies a poor diet.

O: ):< WHO DARES THUMP MY YAMAZAKI?

Of course. It's fucking Kaoru -_-

Blah blah, sadistic fuckery, blah blah. I'm starting to get real tired of your shit, BROTHER.

"Was he trying to play a trick on me?" -_- probably, yeah.

Wow, that's... Actually pretty helpful? Thanks!?

Okay, the doctor folk have gone! I give Okita delicious blood now? :)

Oh. HE GAWN!!! O:

WHY ARE YOU UP AND DRESSED? >_<

"Sleeping all day is such a drag." True, so DRINK MY BLOOD AND GET BETTER >:(

Bloodlust time :O Good thing I'm a walking blood pack! :D

"How long have you been doing this?" Uh, haven't you been watching over him night and day?

"I wrapped my arms around Okita and held him tight " BWAAAA- Okay, yes, physical contact. Hug = gud >:(

"Pease, drink this " DRINK THE BLOOD >:(

"I could feel his breath brushing across my skin..." o_o Saucy...

Why are the blood drinking descriptions so erotic XD I mean, I'm not complaining but-

Who is this strange, apologetic man?

Blood > Porridge

Heh heh, apparently, Hijikata acts "all hoighty-toighty"

Oooh! Looks like Okita's trying to break free of his diligent YAM nursing...

"I am calm" Okita, last time you said that, you went on a killing spree...

Ooh, I wonder why Yamazaki and Okita don't get along... I remember seeing a picture somewhere with casual Yamazaki abuse in the background...

"Okita was acting like a petulant child, throwing his toys out of the pram..." X_X Sexy...

"Do you think the Shinsengumi still needs me?" HONEY, the Shinsengumi needs all the help it can GET!! O_O

Omg, Yamazaki's threatening to tell on Okita! XD He's playing a dangerous (and childish) game!

Side note: the painting in Okita's room is distracting me because it kind of reminds me of the dead mice my cats bring in on a regular basis.

WAIT, IT'S A FISH!!! X_X A NICE, INNOCENT LITTLE KOI FISHY X_X I need to stop spending so much time with my cats...

"What, already? Can't I stay up just a little longer?" Hakuoki: Mum simulator!

"I'll turn in on one condition..." Oo-er :O

"Okita grinned mischievously, and he peered directly into my eyes." O_O OO-ER!

"My palms became sweaty, and my heart skipped a beat." IT MUST BE LOVE O_O

"Since you're here, mind laying down next to me?" DUN DADA DUN! *fanfare plays* We got there in the end, folks! :D

DON'T YOU DARE SAY NO XD

"That's not a funny joke." True. And the only way to teach him a lesson is to PRETEND to take him seriously by DOING AS HE SAYS >:)

"You're so dense." FACTS.

WELL DONE, CHIZURU, YOU DONE COCK-BLOCKED YERSELF, I said, berating the fictional character as if that's not totally something that I would do in real life ..

"Okita blushed, turning away in embarrassment." O: CTRL+Z CTRL+Z CTRL+Z ):<

"I want to, erm, talk to you for a little bit longer..." Oh, we can "talk" all night long ;)

"Talk...? With me?" But I'm only a stupid woman, huh dur, with naught to say but um and er! Actually, Chizuru does say ""um..." I couldn't think of anything to say" in this route A LOT so maybe FAIR PLAY.

Just realised that I accidentally made a rhyme.

"Okita sighed, frustrated" HONESTLY, ME TOO.

"How clearly do I have to spell this out for you." I'm beginning to wonder that myself. He just wants some company, Chizuru! Is that SO HARD to imagine? X_X

"He began to run his fingers through my hair." Oooh! Physical contact :3 Chizuru = pet cat!

"as the tip of his finger touched my skin, my heart skipped." Yeeeesssss... Feel the thirst flow through you... 3:)

Are we gonna get a thirsty Western uniform pan, now? :P

"I tried facing him directly, but for some reason my heart was thudding in my chest..." :O Oh my! I cannot think of a possible explanation! You should get that checked out! >:P

"you find me sexy right now, don't you?" AH-HAH! >:D Caught red handed!

Ugh, can't believe he tricked me into saying he looks good. >:(

UGH. Doctor Matsumoto still needs to perform a final exam on Okita?! Just let him go already X_X

Wow, has Okita been seething against Hijikata this whole time? That... Can't be healthy -_-

"Okita had the tendency to act rashly and avoid looking at the bigger picture, particularly when Hijikata was involved." No shit. He's going to be such a handful X_X

"You're coming, right?" Of course. I'm not just going to sit around here while everyone I care about gets killed O_O besides, you need my nutritious and delicious blood to keep you nice and healthy ^_^

"she can't keep her eyes off me for long enough, to the point where she'll follow me wherever I go" Yeah, because that's how you win at this game >:P

"Aw, is that some blushing I see? It's the truth." Yup.

"Well, yeah," SHE ADMITTED IT!!! 8D

"So, Yukimura. It appears you have some feelings for Okita, is this true?" OH, FRICKING GREAT!!! NOW I'M BEING INTERROGATED BY MY DAD'S EX- COLLEAGUE ABOUT MY LOVE LIFE X_X IF THE GROUND COULD SWALLOW ME NOW, THAT'D BE GREAT! OKITA IS SUCH A DICK XD

OKITA. STOP.

Doctor, why you gotta be so serious? O:

"Criminy..." Uh... Is that a real word?...

Omg, it is a real word! I have never heard anyone use it but, tbf, this is the 1860s :P

Okita needs to stop saying that every decision that Kondou makes that he doesn't like is because Hijikata "coerced" him. He's a grown man. He can think for himself. Please respect his autonomy X_X This is not healthy.

Uuuuuugh. Kaoru >_< Seriously, get a life!

"I'm here to watch the Shinsengumi flail around like pathetic losers as they watch their friends die." ... KAORU, THAT DOES NOT COUNT AS A HOBBY >_<

"Looks like you made it in time for the show, though. You'll be able to witness the glorious execution of the Shinsengumi's idiot chief." Or, in other words, we arrived in time to try and rescue him >:)

"You look nice. All your little boo-boos patched up?" Uhh... There's a lot to unpack here...

"Okita reveled in the vicious display, allowing Kaoru's blood to shower him as he swung repeatedly at the Demon." O_O Umm... Okita? Maybe CHILL THE FUCK OUT. O_O HE IS MY BROTHER, YOU KNOW?!

Aaaand, seemingly Kaoru's going to milk that fact... -_-

Did he... Stab me in the mouth?!?? What am I looking at here? X_X

Also, why doesn't he just activate his demon form!?!

Wait, is he feeding me the Ochimizu?!

Kaoru says that the water of life will eat away at Okita's body faster than if he'd just succumbed to TB but that's clearly not true if he's living long enough to see the end of the Shinsengumi. Plus, a short life of action is better than spending the rest of your days fading away in a sickbed.

"Okita comforted me with the soft tickle of his hands as they wiped away each tear with a warm touch." :3 Pretty darn wholesome! I will concede this point!

"you're a sweetheart." :3 Thank.

"You're a good girl" And am I supposed to wag my tail at that? X_X

"I... I am in love with Okita." O: Damn, that'll go straight to his head X_X

"more than anything or anyone" not that that's saying much :P Sorry, romantic moment, must resist shit talking urges!

"I believed that if I died, no one would give a shit." </3 O: )': DX Neveeeeeerrrrr!!!!

I prescribe HUG INJECTION >:(

"You look like shit" -_- Way to kill the mood.

"Here, come closer." :D Okay, I forgive you! <3

Oh, he played the uno reverse card on my hug plan :O

"How could I keep myself calm when the man I loved held me delicately in his arms?" BIG. MOOD.

Awe, he didn't kill Kaoru because "my heart knew it didn't want you to hate me..." <3 <3 <3 >.<

"My heart melted." SAME.

Chapter 2:

Damn, we're only on Chapter 2 and things are already getting pretty fluffy...

"Do you want me to sleep next to you?" DO IT. XD I dare you :P

"I wonder if Okita thought of me as nothing more than a silk kimono and a warming stone, as if that was all I could offer..." Girl, come on! Don't sell him short like this! Oh, and tell me more about what you want to offer him 3:)

Well, it looks like blood is the answer, for now O_O

"Y-You're not gonna offer me a-any blood today? Trying to play hard to get?" -_-

"his warm mouth drew my blood into his full, tender lips." X_X Sounds like someone needs a cold shower...

"I'm a diseased freak with no hope for the future." D: Don't say that! Everybody dies eventually! You still have strength to achieve the things you want and we can still be happy together! :'(

"I will be by your side, Okita... No matter what." YUS >:)

SEN!!! <3

"Would it have killed you to at least write us a letter?" O: I'm sorry! X_X

Ha. Bold of you to assume that Kodo's continued research might be in your favour.

"Kondou has surrendered to the Imperial Army." O_O OH FUCK.

And of course Okita is blaming Hijikata X_X

"You are making assumptions, most of which are uninformed" Yeah, you tell him, Sen-bae!

I still don't see why we can't at least try to rescue Kondou >:( Are we just supposed to sit tight and wait for him to be executed?!??

" I'm sure that Kondou would be very unhappy to hear his life was saved at the cost of Okita's." >:( And I'm sure that he would be even more unhappy to hear that Okita spent the rest of his days confined to his bed, in misery and anguish. >:(

The dream was pretty wholesome :'o

I guess protecting the things that are important to Kondou, like his legacy, is more important than protecting Kondou himself. Kondou entrusted his legacy to Okita, and so his efforts might be better spent elsewhere, rather than on rescuing Kondou. :'( That's up to him, though.

HUG ALERT!!! 8D

"No matter how many times he touched me, I couldn't have imagined ever tiring of the sensation..." XD The thirst is real!

"Y'know, ever since you came into my life, I've always given you a hard time..." WHERE IS THE LIE?

These two assholes in each other's arms, like "Welp, I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of telling you that I love you so we're just going to continue this totally not heterosexual hug right now and stfu."

:D I am happy to see Hijikata! However, I know someone who may feel differently -_-

"Would you like me to wake him." O_O Nooooot a good idea, Chizuru!

"Without me to blame, I doubt he'll have anything to motivate him, and I'm worried he'll lose the will to live." :O Hijikata, that's kind of sweet in a fucked up kind of way but you underestimate the power of LOVE >:)

THIS HAD BETTER NOT BE FUCKING KAORU AGAIN!!!

:O Kazama and Amagiri?! I was beginning to think that Kazama had lost interest in me. Or, at least, hoped he had.

"This evening... Isami Kondou was beheaded." I just gasped out loud! Kondou, no! D':

OMG, IS CHIZURU TRANSFORMING INTO A BADASS DEMON?! 8D 8D 8D

"A woman who has sullied herself with the water of life is unworthy of my love. Consider this over." ... IF I KNEW THAT THAT WAS ALL IT TOOK, I WOULD HAVE DRANK THAT FUCKING CONCOCTION YEARS AGO >_<

"You are dead to me." GOOD.

Awe, Okita! :'(

NOW I'M CRYING, TOO D'X Damn this game DX

Chapter 3:

Chasing down the Shinsengumi >:) ... Again! If this is anything like Kazama's route, this is going to be depressing af...

We're like two fuzzy wood creatures, going from cozy spot to cozy spot to snooze in during the day :')

"Be a good girl," >_< Staaaaaahhhp!!!

"They went thattaway!" XD I know that this situation is pretty dire but that sentence makes me chuckle!

"Fight...? You?" Ye bitch! >:) I got me my ochimizu powers now!

"How dare you, you bastard!" UM. YOU ATTACKED US!!! WE WERE TRYING TO HAVE A NAP!

*Slash, slash, squelch, splat* X_X

"Ahahaha! You're just helpless pigs!" -_- Uh, Okita? Calm the fuck down, k? You're starting to sound like Kazama!

"his sadistic display of sword mastery." Yup, they be the right words -_-

Ugh, I got shot. Probably shouldn't have been standing around doing NOTHING X_X

D: I killed a guy! GUYS, CHIZURU JUST STABBED SOMEONE IN THE HEART, COME AND SEE!!! :')

"Chizuru, you're trying to hard." *Hides guide* I don't know what you could possibly mean :) :) :)

:O a kunai?! Could it be... my boy YAM?!

YAM!!! :'D

"I just assumed you died or something." Okita is the queen of tact, as always :')

Wait, Yamazaki, don't stay behind on your own O':

NOOOOOOOOO O_O

YAMAZAKIIIIIIII!!!!

OMG HE'S OKAY!!! 8'D 8'D

"I... Cannot afford to die yet..." Doesn't stop you in most routes, though, does it? X_X

"This doesn't look good..." Oh no! Is he going to succumb to his injuries off screen?! D': Classic Yamazaki D,X

"You've been spying on us for days, and I didn't even notice." :') That's our Yam boy!

Aw, Okita gave Yamazaki the thank you!

I reeeeeaaally don't think that Kondou would want Okita to murder Hijikata X_X

"I am going to be late, but I promise to return." YOU HAD BETTER. >:( DON'T DIE, YAMAZAKI!

Owl <3 Hoot hoot to you too, my friend!

Don't kill Hijikata, you dumbass. -_-

"A penchant for violence" X_X That's Okita all right!

It would be funny if he were drinking from Chizuru's foot, instead... Just, something about the way he's holding her hand invites that image XD

FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!! WHY DOES A BATTLE HAVE TO ERUPT EVERYWHERE WE GO!?!

"Okita grabbed my hand" 8D < Happy Chizuru!

Wait... I'M GETTING BLOODLUST?!? MONSTER CHIZURU IS UNLEASHED >:)

Oh, I guess not. Kinda disappointed, tbh XD

Ugh, can we just catch up to Hijikata already? Let's get this over with.

Wait, his sister was "wedded off to some deadbeat"!?! I wonder how old she was... :/

"I was bullied and given shit all the time." :'(

The CG of Okita giving Hijikata the evils is BEAUTIFUL! X'D

"He was a rich snob" somehow, I doubt that...

Wow, Okita really is seething with passionate jealousy for Hijikata... Even though Kondou gave him the sword X_X

I feel like Kondou's relationship with Hijikata is different enough than Okita and Kondou's that Okita's intense jealousy seems a bit much...

It sort of feels kind of like a kid being jealous of their dad's new girlfriend X_X

MORE HUGS >:D

"Before I knew it, you slithered your way into my heart..." That's a pretty weird but also adorable thing to say X'D SLITHER SLITHER

"And you know just what to say," I KNOW, UNCANNY, RIGHT :) :) :) *hides guide*

"We couldn't help but succumb to the hypnotic lull of our passionate embrace." XD Does this mean a fade-to-black is coming :P

I love that their following Hijikata tracks like they're hunting the wild Hijikata beast XD

Is he all alone?

Oh, he has a bodyguard XD

Really inappropriate time to mention this but this route makes Hijikata seem more attractive to me than before XD Maybe it's because of the contrast with Okita's sadistic, violent, volatile side... Maybe it's because he seems more vulnerable when being berated by Okita, idk XD Leave Hijikata alone, Okita!

"You could have saved him!" But Hijikata has RESPONSIBILITIES. He can't just abandon his men and their cause to save Kondou, even if he wanted to :'(

"I COULDN'T!!!" Yeah, you tell him, Hijikata >:(

OKITA, DON'T PUNCH HIS BEAUTIFUL FACE!!! I mean, uh... XD

Wait, we're not going with the Shinsengumi?! O_e

"Hijikata's a real dumbass, don't you think?" -_- .......NO!

Kondou reading to tiny Okita = mega cuteness!

"If I never met Kondou, there's no doubt in my mind that I'd be waaaaay more cuckoo than I am now." And nobody, NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THAT O_O

"You and Kondou are pretty similar" Obviously, that's a compliment and I'm super flattered but I reeeeeaaally hope that this relationship isn't just because Chizuru reminds him of Kondou XP

"My heart suddenly melted in my chest." What, again!?! Chizuru's heart had been through A LOT during this route -_-

"To be fair, it was a little strange of Okita to compare a woman he loved to a man he viewed as a father..." <<< See?! :P

Skipping off, hand in hand :')

Chapter 4:

Aw, tiny Chizuru sadness flashback </3

It's unthinkably awful, what happened to the village, but revenge =/= genocide.

Chizuru, y u lie? -_-

"There were men who took pleasure from their evil deeds." And demons, too... And Okita, to an extent XD

Ugh, I bet Kaoru's gonna sneak up on me while Okita's gone and be all, "Yeeeeesssss.... Give in to your anger... Feel the hate flow through you..." Fucking annoying hate goblin child.

OH, LOOK WHO IT IS!!!

"You're a real bitch, you know that?" Oh, I'M A BITCH??!! Sure thing, tiny asshole. -_-

"At long last, we can come together. We can be the siblings were born to be." ... Happy and free from the burdens of hate and bitterness? O_O

"We are going to massacre the evil forces conspiring within this country, for the good of our people." ... What people? The dead ones? Yeah, I'm sure they'll be reeeeeeaaal grateful from their graves. Sounds like you just want an excuse to torment some humans, you sadistic piece of shit -_-

"Suddenly, I craved blood..." OH HO!

"I... I craved Okita's blood..." 'Sonly fair >:P

"my entire body screamed to tear Okita limb from limb." 8O Yikes.

I... Kinda want to know what happens if I give in to the bloodlust... 😏

Buuuuut I gotta endure it. Damn.

Oh, it's cold up North, is it? ;P What can we possibly do to stay warm in bed?

PENGUIN HUDDLE is hopefully the answer.

<3 :D Looking up at the stars together!

"I want to make your wishes come true. All of them..." :D Okita is every girl's dream sexy murder genie :)

""If you still plan on walking away from me and everything you have..." Okita reached his hand to me kindly." :) :) :)

"Then, I will kill you " FFS XD THIS BITCH!!!

I bet we're gonna kiss now or something. Damn that sexy murder genie X_X

Oh, no kissing, just crying XD That's... Actually more appropriate, even if they are happy tears :')

O WAIT, "I grabbed ahold of him madly" ...

SMOOCHY SMOOCHY >:)

"For once in my life, I felt whole," Awe </3 "the thought of which nearly brought my tears." BITCH, UR ALREADY CRYING XD

"each breath between our zealous smacking grew more strained and sensuous." O_e ... Uh, what did I just read? XD XD XD

"now that Kondou's gone... I only have one reason to fight." Uh... I have a feeling that it's a Chizuru reason... He really needs to find his own motivations, instead of just attaching himself to the causes of people who give him attention. Okay, that was a bit harsh. X_X I'm sorry, Okita!

"How about another kiss, huh?" "B-but, um... W-we just kissed..." ... SO!?! GIRL, YOU KNOW YOU'RE HOT FOR HIM!

"I'm askin' you if you'll have me or not." ... When he says "have", does he mean . . .

"Well, I think there's a time and place for everything." ... Damn. Is this game suggesting that if I say yes, I'm a slut and he'll think less of me? XP BOOOOOOO!

"Watching you squirm like that makes me want to play with you even more." XD As I predicted: Big Dom Energy!

"As long as I will live, I will crave your touch..." *Munches popcorn* Just screw, damn it!

"Our plump lips smeared against one another, and he pulled at a fistful of my hair, drawing me deeper into him as he bit forcefully into my lower lip." :O ... Kinky! >:P I totally called it XD

"I do not mind putting up with anything you might do to me, Okita." How... Romantic?? O_e Just admit that you're horny, Chizuru! There's no shame, I swear!

"I bet when I'm gone, you'll sob like a baby." :'O YES. OBVIOUSLY. >:'(

"Okita spooned me," Classic XD

Ew, Kodo.

"You look pale. Please do not tell me that you have been refusing to drink blood." XD Thanks for your concern...

Bless Okita for offering himself as an all-you-can-eat buffet X_X

"If I were to commit to this relationship, then it meant I needed to separate myself from my family." DRAMAAAA! :D *Pulls out another bag of popcorn*

"I have no desire to carve a life that comes at the expense of hurting others." PREACH B)

[coatlscoatlseverywhere]

Hi! I'm Catherine!

(Long post, I tend to "write books" as they say! 😅)

I'm a Cis, white, Autistic, American, Asexual/Apothisexual, (whoops! Been spelling it with an E, Apothesexual is different!) adult (26 currently!), Aries, introverted female who started playing in February of 2019.

I'm a member of the Wind Flight!

I'm Lola96 #450127!

English is my native language, so it's the only one I can read and speak/type!

EST +3, but usually a night owl, it fluctuates from day to day, week to week, and month to month!

More info about me can be found with this pretty Imp!

Linktr.ee!

(I have an older Tumblr account somewhere with at least two blogs on it that I created years ago, but forgot the password to! 😅

Edit: Found em' but deleted the account, I like this one better!

I love the FR community!!!)

I came from a site called Pokéheroes.

I haven't played any gen 8 games because I don't have a Switch, so I'm not versed in anything SW/SH/don't have a particular attraction to most gen 8 mons.

I wasn't raised with LGBTQA+ stuff, though I knew of being Gay/Lesbian and thought I was Lesbian because I didn't know about Asexuality until I was an adult!

(Never acted on it, so I haven't really found what I like other than being Ace!)

Though I have also learned you can be Ace, but still want to be with someone, you can still be Bi, straight, gay, lesbian, pan, poly etc...Romantic and sexual love are two different things!

So I'm Ace sexually, but may be Bi or Lesbian romantically, if that makes a lick of sense!

So pardon me if I'm a little old fashioned with some things/misgender stuff.

I'm good with the sexuality stuff for the most part, but most other things make my head spin!

Also, I CAN get aggressive, so if I "roar in your face", I usually mean no harm/don't take it personally!

I have trouble wording things, and have less of a filter when tired as well.

I usually don't tag stuff unless its my post/the previous person had a TW on there, it will fluctuate, and I usually prefer to re-blog with a comment in the comments section to using tags if I have something to say.

More under the cut!

My other blogs!

CatOfAces- side blog for most everything else!

Mostly SFW I guess!

Not going outta my way to be 18+/raunchy in any way! 🤢

Clan of Mikiwing- Ask blog of sorts inspired by other FR blogs of this style/Pokémon askblogs.

(I usually keep my boxes open!)

(Most things with Lola Breon, a pink Umbreon/shiny Latias with shape shifting/color shifting powers among other things should be me, as she's my first OC created in 2015!)

Back to FR stuff!

Hatchery! -I sparsely update this. Usually putting dergs on the AH.

Hatchling Sales Tab! - Kept by Henry, kiddos I breed will be up for grabs here!

Adult Sales tab- Kept by Harmony and Josie- they're wives!

Get yer grown-ups!

G1 sales tab!- Kept by Lianna, she's a bit on the prissy/persnickety side, but she cares for those who have no parents.

(Check the den too!

General Hatchery Tab, usually the last tab is up for grabs, but the two I have in there atm are not for sale!

G1 tab-Some may be up for grabs.

Liz is named after a family member so she's off limits!

There may be G2 adults and G1's in there somewhere, hmm, perhaps I'll make a den sales tab someday?)

Prices may be a little scattered, but I'll usually accept anything over fodder price, which to me is 8,000t/8g and up!

I believe I have Dyscalculia and need prices written out so I can check my vault/a calculator.

Thusly I'm not good at conversions! 😅

I DO have a wishlist if you would prefer items!

Art is also good!

Clan greeter/Directory!

Jays Subspecies!

I have a thing for common eyes, Shadow Unusal being an exception, along with primal of course! 😜

All my dergs, unless clearly stated are Cis, most being straight because I haven't played around with LGTBQA+ too much!

[acciocriativity]

Spark of Happiness II ||Harry Potter

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Reader

Summary: You already went through a lot in your life, but while dating Draco the world you knew has changed dramatically and it seems like it couldn’t get any worse...

Word Count: 2,7k

A/N: I just discovered that tumblr has a limit of words per post, that’s why I had to make a part two of this when it wasn’t supposed to be that way but I hope you’ll like it anyway.

Part I

I found myself in a sort of tunnel between nothing and everything, my body was molded several times like a play dough but in the hands of the universe, the only solid thing I had was Draco's cold hand, which I held tighter to help me through the pain. I also lost my sense of time, it seemed like an eternity in there, it never had an end.

Until the moment I felt my feet touch the ground again and my legs gave out, if it wasn't for Draco I would have fallen. I could hear his voice but could not make out any sound coming out of his mouth for a few seconds.

"Draco, I'm fine...just a little dizzy”, I clutched the sleeve of his shirt and I could see the concern in his eyes.

Every corner meticulously tidied and cleaned, worthy of a family like the Malfoy's, the room was particularly dark and cold, as if no one really spent time there, the only thing that decoration passed to me was anguish.

His arms still firmly around my waist, his face analyzing mine carefully.

"Are you sure you're alright?", he asked softly and I just nodded my head slightly and leaned on his shoulder, closing my eyes a little.

I hadn't realized that we were still in the presence of his parents, who watched the scene with sharp eyes but soon disappeared inside the house.

We were silent until a loud noise next to us made me lift my head and moved away from Draco, it was just a house elf carrying our bags upstairs.

"We can pick it up later, let's at least get some breakfast. It's still early”, he held my hand and I understood the meaning in his words.

"If you're sure, that's fine by me", I didn't have the guts to speak in a normal tone, as if the house was being watched constantly.

He called out to the elf, who came running downstairs eager to please his master and immediately followed the order to prepare breakfast for us. I couldn't relax even if his presence helped me, I was wondering if we could escape so easily, if they would just leave us alone.

Throughout breakfast I was tense in my chair, we both were and it would only end when we got out of there at once and for all.

We left the dining room to get our things a minute after we finished breakfast, since neither Narcisa nor Lucius had shown up again, with luck we could leave without either of them noticing for quite some time.

"Narcisa, we need to ... oh Draco and ...who is that?", I took a deep breath having to contain my startle when caught in the act.

The woman didn't seem impressed and walked over to us with a strange smile on her face. I had a few seconds to absorb her features but it was possible to feel a bad aura coming from her.

"Aren't you going to answer me? I'd forgotten, has your age of bringing girls home already came?", the cynical, amused smile didn't leave her lips.

"It is none of your business Bellatrix, as you see, my mother is not here", his direct and even rude tone caught me off guard, I had never seen him talk like that before.

"Oh, how cute, you're showing your claws to defend your girlfriend but only because you're Narcisa's son, don't ever think you can speak in that tone with me."

Before she could say anything else, other voices erupted out of nowhere, more people began to appear, paying less attention to our presence as the room became more crowded.

"Ah, it's time.You have to leave little girl, my lord doesn't like intruders", she said lord with a glint in her eyes that made me sick.

"Come on, I'll take you outside...", he saw the opportunity and immediately took my hand so we could get out of there.

"This girl looks so much like you Avery", a male voice spoke and in a few seconds all eyes were on me, analyzing me from head to toe.

It didn't take me long to recognize this Avery guy, he had the most shocked expression among all the people there.

The same color hair was the most I could tell from the distance, we all stood in silence not knowing what to say.

"Did you really have a daughter, you bastard?", another man said before punching him lightly on the shoulder.

"It's impossible, my parents don't have that last name and neither do I. Excuse me...I shouldn't be here", I squeezed Draco's hand tighter and made my way through the death eaters.

My heart was beating so fast that I was afraid they would be able to hear but no one stopped us from leaving since we really shouldn't be there, or at least, not me.

How long would we have before you-know-who arrived? I couldn't think about it, as soon as we reached the door we started to run, and run and run some more until our feet hurt. There was no time to breathe, to think, to stop.

We needed to get to the city, we needed a fireplace, we needed to get to my house but how? No one around would be kind enough to help us, so we walked a long way until we were far enough to the point that no one would recognize Draco.

We end up in a simple part of town, the houses were smaller and further apart from each other and all were on the side of the road. Obviously we were exposed there and there was nowhere else to go, so we had to take our chance.

"Let's knock on one of the doors, we can't walk all the way to London", I said standing in front of a little white house with a large and well-kept garden. "Someone who takes such good care of plants can't be bad, right?"

"Let's hope we don't pick the only bad HufflePuff in history", he said and I might have laughed if my worry wasn't so real.

We walked side by side, taking our last steps before our legs gave out from exhaustion. "Be at home, please be home...", I crossed my fingers as soon as he knocked on the door.

The door was opened by a little blonde girl, she just stuck her head out the door to see who was there, she gave a little scream and closed the door hard as soon as she saw us. We looked at each other without understanding what the hell had happened until another voice was heard inside the house, this time a lady opened the door and held it open.

"I'm sorry, do you guys need help?", she didn't have to look us up and down to guess that, we were soaked.

"Yes we do, we need to get to my house but it is too far, perhaps you have a flu net in your house, Mrs?", I spoke up as Draco was making too much effort even to stand upright.

"Yes I do, come on in, you guys can sit for a bit too. You look like you ran a marathon", she made room and we could see inside the house.

The furniture made of wood was modest but beautiful, the living room was well decorated and the wallpapers went in shades of yellow and blue. Draco seemed more impressed than I was since I'm used to this style, but contrary to what anyone would imagine the expression on his face was not bad at any time.

"Your house is beautiful Mrs., we don't want to trespass on your kindness but could we get a glass of water?", his voice even huskier than usual rang through the walls of the house and I was truly surprised and somewhat proud of his attitude.

"Sure, I'll get it, you can sit on the couch. You guys need it", I didn't wait a second to sit down and for Merlin's sake, I could spend the rest of eternity there.

"Forget about everything, I never want to get up from here again", he said almost crying with happiness and I had to laugh, I laughed a lot.

"Sorry love but it's really funny, you have to admit", I said, still laughing softly when the lady came back with two glasses full of water.

We drank as if we had spent 40 days in the desert and my feeling was not so different from that.

"I can bring you another glass if you like. I just don't understand how two teenagers could have ended up in this condition...", she looked genuinely concerned, we were very lucky.

"We had a problem, a huge problem and we need to get home as soon as possible", he said with certainty in his voice but made no effort to actually get up.

"Thank you very much, ma'am, we can’t thank you enough for helping us", I said with a smile right after I stood up, even though my whole body contested this decision.

"It was a pleasure dear, I hope you get home well. The flu powder is by the fireplace, go ahead", she smiled gently and took a step to the side.

I went ahead while Draco still seemed to muster the courage to stand up. The stone fireplace was small, there was no way we could both go at once.

"Draco, do you remember the address I told you about?", I turned back to look at him and he was still in the same position but now massaging his own foot, "Draco? Will you hurry up? I'll guarantee you a massage from an expert after we're home," and as if they were the magic words, he was at my side ready to leave in a flash.

I took a deep breath and we could hear a giggle coming from behind the couch, only the girl's big, bright eyes were in view but as soon as she realized she was caught she went back into hiding.

"Goodbye madam and goodbye little one,"I took a handful of the powder and walked into the fireplace. "Don't forget the correct pronunciation", I said to the blonde before throwing the powder on the floor and speaking my address out loud.

The last thing I saw were two pairs of blue eyes staring at me before I disappeared and the first thing I saw when I got home were my clothes covered with scoot and the angry voices of my parents came soon enough.

"What's all this racket! Y/N, you should be at Hogwarts right now. Now you're breaking school rules?", my mother said as soon as she arrived in the living room.

She was wearing an apron over the comfortable clothes she wore indoors, then I noticed the delicious smell coming from the kitchen, it was already lunchtime.

Before I could reply, I was pushed forward and almost lost my balance and fell on the small coffee table.

"Honey, what's happening here? Y/n? Draco? Get out of there right now, why did you come home early?", my dad was more confused than angry and I was even more relieved that they were both okay.

Even though I had a lot of explaining to do, I could only run to hug them without caring that I was getting them or even the floor of the room dirty.

Too many emotions consumed me, I had put too many people I cared about in danger and now no one would be truly safe there.

"Don't worry about it, Dumbledore let us leave early for Christmas but so much has happened, I'm so sorry, we're not safe here", my tears flowed without me realizing it, slowly the despair and fear that I had held all this time was consuming me.

"Love, come sit down, we are all fine and whatever has happened, we will work it out. Draco, sit here too.You both look so pale", the woman's angry voice turned to a honey-sweet tone but if I had looked into her eyes, I could have seen the concern in them.

"I'll get some tea, you need to calm down and rest, then we'll talk about whatever happened on the way here", my father got up and hurried out of the room after my favorite tea.

My mom kept hugging me from the right side, her presence was always enough to bring me comfort. Draco had sat down on my left side and the first thing I did was to intertwine his hand in mine and squeeze it lightly, he did it back to reassure me.

The conversation was postponed until after lunch, since we were too hungry to wait and too dirty, according to my mother.

We both took a shower and Draco wore some of my father's clothes as they would fit perfectly, then we went to eat and afterwards, in a calmer mood, we explained what had happened.

The look of horror on my parents' faces had broken my heart, I never told them anything about this dark side of the Wizarding World, especially when I was so close to it all. I wanted to protect them but now I had no other choice.

"I'm sorry I got you into this situation Mr. and Mrs. Lewis, I can stay somewhere else, I can think of a plan and fix it", he said this several times but neither I nor my parents agreed.

"This is absurd, no matter what happens. You're here as part of the family, we'll figure it out if we have to move out of here", my father interrupted for the second time my boyfriend tried to apologize, even though it wasn't his fault.

The conversation didn't last long because we soon came to the conclusion that the best idea would be to send a letter to Dumbledore, explain what happened and ask for help because no other wizard in the world could be better.

"Rest for a while now, as soon as we get an answer we will call you", my mother said from the kitchen. I tried to help with the dishes but she insisted that we deserved a longer rest.

Then I took Draco to my room, I left the door open because it would be better not to leave room for complaints from my father.

The decoration of the room was in several shades of blue, which was always my favorite color, blue from the walls to my closet.

"Let's get some sleep, I'm sure from now on our life won't be easy but it will be better than it was before", I said and lay down on the bed, leaving enough room.

His body snuggled up next to me in silence but I could almost hear the amount of negative thoughts going through his head.

"Hey, you can stop that. We deserve to be a little hopeful and even more so, rest. So you can tell your little head to think about other things, okay?", I put my arm around him and felt him do the same to me, until we were face to face.

"How could you possibly know what I'm thinking? You're horrible with silent spells", he said with a sly smile that opened into a satisfied grin at the sight of my angry expression.

"First of all, I know you very well so of course I know about your pessimism and second, I'm going to have a lot of time to learn and it's not like you're great so shut up", I replied as he laughed but soon, I was the one laughing after he fell off the bed, "Oops, sorry, it was just a little accident”.

That was the first night that he had more than 5 hours of sleep because we were truly safe with Dumbledore's protection. Until Christmas we stayed at my house and we had more truly happy moments in a span of 3 days than in the whole year and all I wished for was more of that forever.

Harry Potter Masterlist

[stars-and-darkness]

Hi! I'm kind of new to Tumblr, but I really like your blog. And I wanted to say... I admire you. Your blog is everything I wanted to do on mine, and the fact that English isn't your first language is amazing. I wouldn't have courage to do something like that. I barely manage to write that ask, much less a whole FF... Okey, I think I'm babbling XD I hope you didn't take any of that in a wrong way. Thanks for reading this mess 😅

Hi!

This is just ... so insanely kind. Thank you so, so much, you just made my day. I am literally tearing up right now.

We poor lost souls whose first language isn't English need to stick together 😁 (and from what I can tell, your English is amazing, don't let anyone tell you differently!)

But, lest anyone here have leave tnis blog under the impression that I am anything other than a hot mess shaped like a teenage girl, here are some anecdotes about my journey studying English through the years:

When I was four, my kindergarden offered free English lesson. The only phrase I learned there is my name is. A few days later, my aunt, a professor of English and German, tried to teach me to say what's your name, but instead of realizing that these two are different sentences with different meanings, I kept trying to correct her 😅

Fast forward two-three years, I got a 3 (that's the equivalent of a C for y'all) on an exam because I forgot to capitalize the first letters of the days of the week ... 😔

Just the other day, I found out I'd been pronouncind adjacent wrong for years ... 😬

The first fic I ever wrote was ... questionable. Picture me: fourteen, just having taken my first step into online fandom. I have an idea for a story (I wasn't even familiar with the idea of fanfiction back then), and after a while, I figure, might as well write it, just to get it out of my head.

I don't have it. I'd deleted it, and the computer I'd written it on has broken down in the meantime. I wish I did. It was absolutely terrible, I have no doubt. I didn't have the vocubulary neccessary to write, I'd never actually read anything in English at the time, I didn't know how English interpunction worked. I do remember that it was 3k words long, and that I was absolutely, insanely proud.

And I still am! I needed that step! And I had written so much between then and now, and most of it will never see the light of day, but that's okay!

I guess what I'm trying to say is ... don't let yourself be limited in ANYTHING, because learning is a process, and there are bound to be mishaps and mistakes on the way. It's only natural! So chin up, and carpe diem!

[marvel-lous-things]

First off:

Thank you all so much??

When I started using this blog like,,, 8 months ago,,, I thought I'd peak at 2k. But then y'all just had to go and prove me wrong huh?? ok.

I guess I'll just have to repay you in shitposts. Smh.

Anyway,

In all honesty, though, I've had so much fun with this blog and it's all cus of y'all?

I've met and made friends with some amazing (however slightly messed up sksjsks) and utterly lovable people, gotten over my self doubt to an extent that I posted fics without immediately deleting them, received so many nice anons, found a community of absolutely brilliant folks who share my skewed sense of humour,,,

Damn. This list could go on and on.

Welp. "Thank you" doesn't even begin to cover it but:

THANK YOU ALL!! SO MUCH!!! ILY!!! AAAA!!!

Second:

I'm doing two things for my follower milestone!!

1) I'm introducing a tag!!

From now on, I'll be tracking #marvellousthings (because I'm an uncreative binch) so if you tag any of your posts as the aforementioned, you can bet your socks that I'll see it, like it, maybe reblog it :D etc etc.

So,,, Go wild, frens.

2) a creative challenge!

Ok let's face it, the "trans Peter" tag deserves a lot more love than it's getting right now.

After Tumblr user transpeter was bullied off this website by terfs, the tag's been depressingly empty, ya know?

I miss the warm feeling I got from interacting with the happy community, and reading posts by people about how the headcanon made them feel validated!!

Unfortunately, now, it's only shitposts and the occasional ask (which is great, but I want so much more??)

And that's where it stands. Trans!peter is a cute lil headcanon that needs your creativity and imagination to be kept alive.

So, that's exactly what I'm aiming at.

I want you (yes, you!!) to:

➡️Write a fic

➡️Draw fanart

➡️Write headcanons

➡️Make photo/gif edits

➡️ make Moodboards

Etc

(basically, I just want to bring the tag back to life ya know)

Rules (for writing challenge):

Peter has to be trans (o dam didn't see that one coming)

But the fic doesn't have to revolve entirely around his identity

A paragraph or so acknowledging it would be mighty cool!!

Bonus points if he's written as Bi-derman and aggressively Gen Z

Actually no bonus points but I will love you forever ??

Reader insert fics are an underutilized source of creative expression and are therefore highly encouraged

Use appropriate tags and trigger warnings

Discussion of transphobia (internalised or otherwise) is a-okay, hell, even appreciated, but please be respectful ❤️

Use a "read more" link after the first 200-300 words, please!

(Similar rules apply to headcanons, minus the word limit and the read more rule)

Rules (for fanart/edits/mood boards)

Include the trans flag in your art!

Whether it's as a colour scheme, background, t-shirt, cap, badge, or anything else is entirely up to you

Don't post stolen art, please!!

Finally (and this applies to all of the above):

Don't write/draw/edit anything nsfw

Don't even try to submit anything that has anything to do with st*rker

Actually don't submit anything involving a relationship between Peter and an adult

Make sure you tag your posts as #marvellousthings so that I can see them

Oh yeah and you need to be following moi, of course

Deadline is Christmas! I hope that gives you guys enough time!

Make Extra sure you tag me in your posts too! (As in: @me)

It would be heckin nice of you to reblog this post 💗

That's all.

Have fun, don't set anything on fire, and raise this adorable headcanon from the dead, my dudes ✨

(I'm tagging a few mutuals, feel free to ignore though 💗)

@the-not-so-ketogenic-kid @marvel-or-not-to-marvel @asaelia @cosmic-disasters @avengvr @accurate-incorrect-marvel-quotes @windexnoises @are-you-shuris @its-ya-boi-demon @anxieteaandbiscuits @my-babies-are-ash @gumgamug @spiderboiii @demi-god-witch @nonbinari-goat @just-a-marvel-fan @mysteryavengers @lesbiansassemble @ironmanstan @underoosstark @gabrielthepisces @loki-the-pan-icon @loki-against-onision @rosiebrie @hopenichole @time-to-spleen @pietropeterimagines

PS: all challenge-related posts and asks will be tagged #transunderoos so feel free to blacklist!

[itsbenedict]

nonanalogue: Hey, yo, do you have a second?

itsbenedict:

nonanalogue- "I should probably, like... message you more with things that aren't Dunkables (tm)

so as to lower the amount of suspicion when you see a message from me"

itsbenedict: but yeah, i've got a second

itsbenedict: what's up

nonanalogue: I wanted to know if you'd ever played Ori and the Blind Forest?

itsbenedict: i haven't, no

itsbenedict: what's it about

nonanalogue: So understand I haven't played it either, but from what I understand it's about a spirit and its spirit friend that have to save the world. Metroidvania.

nonanalogue: The reason I bring it up is because I regularly binge on The Cutting Room Floor articles.

nonanalogue: Are you familiar with TCRF?

itsbenedict: not that either, i'm afraid

itsbenedict: i'm 0 for 2

itsbenedict: which i guess is good protection if this is a pun setup

nonanalogue: Lord. Okay. That website I bet you'd be a fan of. It's a giant catalog of unused content in video games.

nonanalogue: Like, seriously, check it out later, you'll really dig it.

nonanalogue: Anyway - so I was looking through articles I hadn't read yet and ended up on Ori and the Blind Forest.

nonanalogue: And they had details on this absolutely wild cut sidequest.

nonanalogue: Do you mind if I go into more detail? Because it's something else.

itsbenedict: i'm sure it is

itsbenedict: and i'm sure none of it is made up

itsbenedict: as part of a nefarious scheme

itsbenedict: continue!

nonanalogue: So we're in agreement.

nonanalogue: Anyway, so the main characters, like I said, are these two spirits. Main character is Ori, their sidekick is Sein.

nonanalogue: Ori ends up getting shrunk to the size of a coin, which becomes useful when they have to use said coin to cross the water - like a surfboard.

nonanalogue: Sein, on the other hand, strays from their normal Spirit Flame powers and uses Spirit Fruits.

nonanalogue: Very tropical theme.

nonanalogue: So with the coin and the spirit fruits, and a third partner they pick up who's an old-school Roman type guy,

nonanalogue: they have to release a bunch of mythical creatures from the spirit world, ushering in a new era of prosperity for them.

nonanalogue: Isn't that wicked?

itsbenedict: oh god

itsbenedict: this is going to be some Pearls Before Swine tier shit

nonanalogue: I dunno what you're talking about -

itsbenedict: anyway sure it sounds wicked and extremely real

nonanalogue: it's just: the cent Ori's on, Sein (durian), centurion: centaur eon.

itsbenedict: aUGH

itsbenedict: that's

itsbenedict: that's disgusting is what that is

itsbenedict: you oughta be ashamed of yourself

nonanalogue: Way ahead of you!

nonanalogue: I figured you'd say something like that, so I got a jump on the 'feeling shame' bit.

itsbenedict: i guess you didn't need to warn me, because it telegraphed itself pretty hard

itsbenedict: you coulda sent some kind of signal- maybe morse code with a flashing ray of light

itsbenedict: should've sent a ray on

nonanalogue: Beautiful.

nonanalogue: That's so bad.

nonanalogue: You oughta be tarred and feathered for that sin. Sin tar, yon.

itsbenedict: god, fuck

itsbenedict: that gets an A for effort

itsbenedict: stamped right in the middle of the assignment

itsbenedict: center A on

nonanalogue: Yes! Yes! Excellent! The spirit of this series burns like fire! Or electricity! Cinder/ion!

itsbenedict: christ that's bad

itsbenedict: i'm gonna have to mail it to my enemies

itsbenedict: but maybe have my friend do the mailing for me so it can't be traced back to me

itsbenedict: sender: Ian

nonanalogue: Ah, for that, I'm gonna re-mail something back - one of my favorite Japanese animes.

nonanalogue: Sent: Yuri On.

nonanalogue: (ice.)

itsbenedict: ffffshut the fuck off

itsbenedict: you need to go to church

itsbenedict: and fast

itsbenedict: sinned! hurry in!

nonanalogue: *Italian chef kissing fingers gesture*

nonanalogue: Say, speaking of,

nonanalogue: you know what I hate in my Italian food?

nonanalogue: Sand, urine.

itsbenedict: ugh, is that the best you can do?

itsbenedict: boring

itsbenedict: that'll make me yawn for a REAL long time

itsbenedict: a century yawn

nonanalogue: You know what made me yawn for a real long time? I got an email from this big guy with a beard at a mall about my order for a new overhang for my porch.

nonanalogue: From Santa, re: awn.

itsbenedict: countless millennia in the future, historians found the dessicated corpse of jocey nonanalogue sitting in her chair, waiting for a response that would never come

itsbenedict: years of sunlight had baked her corpse into a mummy, preserving it for all that time

itsbenedict: she sunned her eon

nonanalogue: Did you intentionally wait a while to send that one? Kudos.

itsbenedict: no, that was a product of a simple fact

itsbenedict: that i am completely fucking out of material now

itsbenedict: and if you can counter it, i'll have to cry uncle

itsbenedict: i'm setting a five minute timer, by the way

nonanalogue: Nah, that sounds pretty sane there, eh, on top of all that.

itsbenedict: well, fuck, if you can bring in the "th", that changes the game

itsbenedict: you got some theory on how THAT shit is allowed

nonanalogue: Nah, see, it's with the regional accent. Sane dere, eh, on...

nonanalogue: But if you think I might be fishing a bit too much with that,

nonanalogue: maybe I'll use something different.

nonanalogue: A seine? Dare I? On with it!

itsbenedict: god damn it

itsbenedict: all my efforts are wasted

itsbenedict: just like on Buffy

itsbenedict: when Xander, 'e un-did everyone's hard work in that one episode

nonanalogue: I applaud that. You know the waveform of applause? I like the one that also represents constellations-

nonanalogue: Sine d'Orion.

itsbenedict: god, this is going to go on forever

itsbenedict: i'm going to have to pass it to my kids

itsbenedict: i can't be too pushy about it, though- they need to have time to relax between bouts

itsbenedict: "son, tarry on"

nonanalogue: I'm not having any kids. Just gonna spend my golden years in California. Gotta get my Santa Rey on.

itsbenedict: you already used santa, you-

itsbenedict: no, i can do this

itsbenedict: the pressure's on

itsbenedict: so much pressure

itsbenedict: so much pressure it'll compress ore into japanese currency

itsbenedict: sinter a yen

nonanalogue: You know what you'd say to someone who did that, maybe to convince them to hire someone from Myanmar? Treasurer-san, try Ohn.

nonanalogue: (Also you reused eon. :P)

itsbenedict: what, when

nonanalogue: Eon was literally the first thing I came at you with! Centaur eon.

itsbenedict: fuck

itsbenedict: okay, um

nonanalogue: So I'll call it square!

itsbenedict: this is making me feel that one feeling, that fuckin made-up word that only shows up in that one tumblr post about really specific words that are probably fake

itsbenedict: making me realize that everyone has a complex inner life that they aren't spending making godawful puns

itsbenedict: sonder-y, in this case

nonanalogue: Well done! That one didn't stink at all! The Scent Area Involved here is small.

itsbenedict: you're cutting it real close with those syllables

itsbenedict: but fuck, i'm coming to my limit

itsbenedict: my breaking point

itsbenedict: you're gonna sunder i, on this day

itsbenedict: (fuck, really good extra one that reuses a thing from earlier- "elles sont d'orion" with some bullshit hunting metaphor)

itsbenedict: (but that doesn't count)

nonanalogue: Nah, man, I wouldn't do that to you. If I'm gonna wear someone down or grind them to dust, I'd rather sander Ian.

nonanalogue: (it IS good)

itsbenedict: ALREADY USED IAN, TRY AGAIN

itsbenedict: 2:10 remaining

nonanalogue: Sander Eoin.

itsbenedict: fuck

nonanalogue: Is what I meant by that typo.

itsbenedict: that's a low blow

itsbenedict: man i can't believe that nazi guy is surprised about the warrant out for his arrest

itsbenedict: "how could the law come after ME, an innocent Aryan?"

itsbenedict: (also regardless of whether you get this next one in time, i have to go do a thing and this has taken up too much time already)

nonanalogue: Yeah, he should head over to some of the islands near Russia, where he could escape. His steps: Saunter, Ayon.

itsbenedict: (so this is for all the beansFUCK

nonanalogue: 👌

itsbenedict: fucking *ayon*

itsbenedict: ugh

itsbenedict: you win this round

itsbenedict: or more accurately, no one wins this round

nonanalogue: I accept your graceful concession and apologize for taking up so much time!

itsbenedict: there is nothing graceful about this concession

itsbenedict: it is a bitter, spiteful concession

nonanalogue: I take what I can get.

[thickertreat]

Social Media Stigmas

Ever since the rise of social media, there have been numerous stigmas surrounding "liking" posts and how one "likes" a post. Personally, I think its all ridiculous. [Note: I may sound bitter here, but I'm much more amused by these absurdities than anything else. 😆] For example:

Apparently there's a time limit for liking a post and if you like something past that time limit (which always varies from person to person), you're creeping or obsessing. Like, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that I have to like your pic in secret just because it's 3 weeks old. I guess these things have expiration dates and even though they're still up there on the internet for all to see until you delete them, my public interaction with them is seen as questionable just because it didn't happen when you think it should have? Haha, ok.

There seems to be a cap on how many posts from one person you can like at once, or probably at all. Once, there was a girl I was really into and we were likely going to start dating, but I managed to scare her off when I went on a "liking spree" on most of her pics on IG. She blocked me and ghosted on me, which was a hard 180° on the vibe we had with each other just before that. I'm aware that some people find it odd to do what I did there, but whether I want to date you or not, why can't that be seen as simply admiring someone a lot and wanting to be supportive? Why must it be universally seen as a red flag? Plus, even though I don't agree with it, it's now making me question myself too much. Just moments ago, I was liking a bunch of pics from a tumblr user and something made me stop and think I was doing too much. I think it's sad that these opinions are so widely shared and have even started to affect how I think about them.

You can very possibly be judged by the types of posts you like, even if they're from the same user. Sure, let's ignore the fact that THEY are the ones who posted that stuff, but I'M the weird or pervy one for liking it. Don't look at me weird for liking that adorable pic of you and your little neice just because I usually like your sexy selfies, but your last 20 pics were only sexy selfies. Yes, I think you're sexy and I happen to think it was sweet you took your neice to the park. They have nothing to do with each other.

The hour at which you like a post also determines your level of creepiness. Look, I'm a night owl. Sometimes I don't go to bed till after 4am. Why does it mean something if I like your pic at 3am versus 3pm? In fact, studies show that 1am is one of the best times to post a pic, because there is said to be, on average, more people scrolling through their feed around that time, thus providing a bigger audience for those posts. But no, let's read way too much into the fact that I liked your pic in the middle of the night, because... why?

That's currently all the examples I could think of, but what's worse than these is the fact that they are usually all lumped together in the same bogus formula most people use to determine how appropriate it was for you to like a post. I don't get it. People have an odd obsession with figuring other people out, lableing them, and pushing that narrative to anyone who willingly listens to and believes their word, and if they don't, they become just as vilified.

I just want to be able to follow and like what I want without being judged by how and when I like them. It's bad enough I once found out way too late that your followers on IG can see what you like and follow, and that I learned about this when my MOM started making comments to me about the women I was then following. Sure, if someone ever promotes or supports anything involving violence, criminal activity, or inappropriate attention to minors, you should report them and distance yourself immediately. Otherwise, let people do what they want without judgement.

I know, easier said than done. 🙄