#I HAVEN'T FELT MY TOES ALL DAY BUT THAT'S OK

[thedreadvampy]

continues to be a lovely warm December

[russellsppttemplates]

Hiii, would be comfortable with writing something about the reader not having a good relationship with her parents but loves her in laws and they are basically like her parents, thank you

Note: I have this plotline for Pierre, there are other pieces you can read as well about this too if you haven't read yet and want to read more 🤍

Cw: reader has a bad relationship with her family/has cut ties with her family

"Have you decided what you want to have in the tables?", Pascale asked as she brewed some tea for the two of you, watching Jean and Pierre working on the grill outside.

"Not really, we've seen a few arrangements, and we know what we don't like - especially those really big things where you kind of can't see the person in front of you", you scrunched up your face and she giggled, "it's not the priority on our list, but we're going through all of it in due time", you said, "It has been hard not having anyone else to discuss it with - Pierre only cares so much about how it all looks", you shrugged before composing yourself, "don't get me wrong, he's been very involved, he's been to all of the meetings with the wedding planner and the only thing he isn't involved in is the dress try-on for obvious reasons".

"No need to be so flustered, dear", your soon to be mother in-law soothed your worries quickly, "it's nice to know he's been helping, I knew he would after he asked me a couple of questions", she winked, "you never have to worry about asking for help or opinions - I'd love to to and pick the dress with you if you'd like me to be there", she offered, not wanting to step on any toes.

"I'm glad you're in my life", you spoke up, wiping the stray tear that fell on your cheek. All of the day to day jokes about mothers in-law you grew up hearing and laughing about were surely not written about the lady in you had in front of you.

"Chérie, we're the lucky ones to have you in our lives - there's no one else I'd love to be with Pierre", Pascale smiled, hugging you and rubbing your back gently.

.

"I like this one," Anna said, looking at the dress you were wearing. The look on your face however didn't match her excitment, "It's not it, is it?", Alexandra offered as you twirled around, not like the naked back detail.

You shook your head and walked back to the dressing room, shoulders slumping at yet another attempt to try on your dress. Was your body the problem? Did you have a funny taste in wedding fashion?

On your way to the curtained area, you tripped on the dress, quickly balancing yourself before actually falling over, checking if you had done any damage to the dress, "just because it doesn't look right on you it doesn't mean you should rip it, Y/N", you muttered to yourself.

"Chérie", Pascale called, "can I talk to you for a bit?", she asked before you nodded, letting her grab your hand, "It's ok, beautiful girl, there are lots of dresses. We will find the one you like the most and that is the one for you", she said rubbing your hand in a comforting manner.

You nodded and looked up, keeping the tears at bay, "thank you", you sighed, squeezing her hand.

The last dress was not one you would usually go for even though you still picked it from the hangers, finding the ties and undoing then enough so you could try it on. You slid the dress on carefully and pulled the ties as tight as you could, pushing your boobs a little so they would fall into the moulded cups. As you looked in the mirror, you felt beautiful in it. The bodice fit perfectly, hugging your waist beautifully before fanning out on your hips, and the train wasn't too long, just the right amount to elongate your presence. It felt soft against your skin, and once the lacing on the back was properly done up, it would feel secure and delicate.

Giggling softly, you walked out to meet the group again.

"I think she found it", your soon to be sister in-law Charlotte smiled she saw your radiant smile, "I just need help with the back", you said, turning around so Pascale could help you as she immediately got up and delicately threaded up the laces on he back.

"It's beautiful, Y/N, you look so beautiful", Pascale whispered, "It's like it was made for you," Alexandra clapped her hands excitedly, "This the one", your murmured, twirling around happily in front of the mirror.

(Thank you for sending this in ✨️)

[peachesandcreames]

Just Hold Me (Steve Rogers X Y/N Comfort Fic)

A/N: I've had the worst migraine for 2 days and this is a product of that. Pure fluff and comfort, some angst. A little bit of smut because this is Steve Rogers that were talking about. I didn't know quite how to end it but I hope that you enjoy it!! Likes, hearts, comments and reblogs are definitely appreciated!! No trigger warnings that I can think of. Happy reading! 📚

The bell above your door chimed, letting you know that your last customer had left for the evening. You followed them to the door and wished them a good night as you flipped the open sign to closed and locked the door behind them. You leaned against the door and let your head rest for a few seconds. Your feet are killing you, you can't wait to go home and take your shoes and bra off. You can feel the migraine that has been building for the last few days getting worse.

You wearily open your eyes and dim the lights hoping that will help with the pounding in your head. You haven't been sleeping well since Steve left a few weeks ago on what was supposed to be a simple recon mission: get the info and get out. It doesn't help that it's been radio silence since he left. You sigh as you begin putting the chairs and stools on the tables and counter tops so that you can sweep and mop and finally go home to your empty apartment. You put away the cleaning supplies and grab your jacket and purse, making your way towards the dimly lit parking lot.

You silently curse yourself for parking so far away but it made sense at the time. You've been skipping the gym a lot lately so you thought you'd get your steps in by parking as far away as humanly possible. You make sure you have your phone open and ready in case you have to call for help. With pepper spray and keys in hand you walk as quickly as you can with your head on a swivel, scanning the nearly empty parking lot for any threat. You do a quick scan of the backseat, making sure that it's empty as you climb in and lock the doors behind you.

You let out a sigh as you check your phone in case Steve was able to get a message out to you but his last message was roughly two weeks ago. A single tear escapes and you brush it away. Driving towards home and the streets are quiet and empty so you make good time. You drag your tired and aching body through the doors to the building and give a warm greeting to the night security guard who lets you know that the elevator is closed for repairs. Just when you think that this day couldn't get any worse, you smile faintly "thank you for letting me know, have a good night James."

"You too, Y/N." You wave goodbye and start the long and arduous walk up three flights of stairs. The thought of a hot bubble bath with a chilled glass of stawberry moscato, garnished with an actual strawberry sounds like heaven and it drives you quickly up the three flights and you let yourself into your apartment. You shrug out of your jacket and hang it on the hook beside your door. You dropped your keys in the dish on the table in your hallway, you slipped out of your black no slip sneakers and groaned a sigh of relief.

Too preoccupied with the thought of a hot bath you didn't notice that your mail was stacked neatly next to the key dish. You stood there rubbing your stiff neck when you felt two big and strong hands grip your waist and pull you back into a hard body. You let out a stunned, quiet gasp as he spun you around in his hands. You gasped as you found yourself looking into Steve's baby blue eyes. "There's my best girl. I missed you so much."

You're overcome with emotions and you feel your throat tightening up with unshed tears. Words wouldn't even begin to cover how much you missed him and how relieved you are that he's standing in front of you and he looks like he got through the mission relatively unscathed. You throw your arms around his neck and you stand on your tippie toes and pepper kisses all over his handsome face. "Whoa, hey. Y/N, I'm ok. I'm here. I'm sorry I couldn't keep in touch with you but I'm here now, ok?"

You find yourself nodding through your tears as you hang onto Steve as if you're afraid of letting him go. He rubs your back with his big, warm hand and you feel yourself starting to relax for the first time in weeks. Steve holds you until your breathing evens out and he kisses your forehead. He thumbs away your tears and gently kisses your lips. You lean into the kiss and grasp his big shoulders.

"I missed you so much." You murmur against Steve's soft lips. You deepen the kiss pulling Steve flush against your body. Your fingers grasp the hair at the nape of his neck. You bite his lower lip causing Steve to moan into your parted lips.

"Stop, stop, stop. Baby girl, we have to stop." You were practically panting as Steve gently gripped your shoulders. You pouted up at him and he smiled down at you. "I'm going to run you a bubble bath, okay? Why don't you get out of your work clothes, I left you a fluffy robe on the bed."

You hoped that Steve could see how much you loved him. "I'm pretty sure that makes you the best boyfriend in all of New York City." You started down the hall towards your bedroom and Steve slapped you on the ass as you passed him. His large hand stinging your skin. You let out a startled gasp and whipped around. You glared at him accusingly and he just smiled at you and winked as he shrugged his big shoulders sheepishly.

You resumed your walk towards your bedroom, stripping on the way. You reached down to pull your skintight black t shirt over your head. Jeans came next as you pulled them down your long legs. You were leaving a trail of clothing but you were just too tired to care. You reached behind you to unhook your bra but before you could you felt Steve come up behind you and you could feel his warm minty breath on your neck causing you to gasp. "Let me, pretty girl."

His big fingers struggled to grasp the little hooks but he finally got it and you leaned against him and groaned in relief as he slid the bra straps down your arms. He trailed his fingers up your sternum and his callused palms gently began massaging your full, heavy breasts. "Feels so good, Steve." You quietly murmured as you arched into him. Pushing your breasts into his hands and your ass into his crotch, causing him to groan into your ear. "Fuck, sweetheart."

That caused you to smile, "language, Captain." He pinched your nipples. "Brat. Go get in your bath and I'll be right there." You turned to face him and gave him a salute. "Aye aye, Captain." You turned on your heel and made sure to put an extra sway of your hips in for his benefit.

You opened the bathroom door and a gust of steam came rolling out. You slipped out of your panties and slid into the hot water. You groaned in relief, you could smell lavender and citrus from the bubbles and the candles Steve had lit everywhere. You could feel the tension leaving your body as you sensed Steve looming over you. You looked up at him and smiled, holding out your hand.

He gently took your hand and kissed your soapy knuckles. You watched as Steve pulled his grey tshirt over his head and tossed it into the hamper. His toed his boots off and he kicked them to the side as you watched him as he took his jeans off and black boxers off and you scooted forward, making room so that Steve could slip in behind you. You let out a groan as you felt yourself relax against him. He's here, he's safe and he's with you.

Steve began by lathering up his hands with your lilac body wash and began rubbing your shoulders. He began working the knots out and you felt yourself melting against him. You felt your eyes begin to droop shut as you felt the warm sudsy water cascade over your hair and shoulders. You felt Steve shift behind you to grab your shampoo and you heard the click as he popped it open and poured some into his hands and started massaging your scalp. Your migraine began to dissipate and it brought tears of relief to your eyes.

He rinsed your hair clean and you reached forward to pull the plug and the water began to slowly drain. You scootched forward so that Steve could step out of the tub and wrap a fluffy towel around his sculpted waist. You looked at him admirable and said wistfully, "that really is America's Ass." He looked over hid shoulder at you and shook his head.

"That's where you're wrong, Doll. My ass belongs to you and only you." Steve leaned over and gently grasped your chin and pulled you in for a quick kiss. It was over before it began and you whined at the loss of contact. "Stay here, I'm going to get your towel out of the dryer."

You nodded as you looked up at him. "I love you Steve." That stopped him in his tracks. You two have been together for a year and a half and it just felt like time. He turned back towards you and he smiled and said "I love you, too. I always have and I always will."

He came back with your favorite towel, warm and toasty from the dryer. You held out your hand to him and he gently grasped your fingers as you stood up he slipped the towel around your shoulders and he picked you up bridal style and carried you into your bedroom. He sat you down on the edge of your bed and you noticed that he turned your sheets down and had the lights on dim with a few candles lit sporadically around. It felt so calm and peaceful, just what you needed after a long day. Steve had changed into a pair of red flannel sweat pants and a black t shirt.

He walked over to you, it looked like he had a pair of black sweats and a grey t shirt with your favorite fluffy socks in his hands. Steve dropped to his knees in front of you and picked up your right foot and set it on his thick thigh. He squirted some lotion into his hands and began rubbing your aching feet. It was instantaneous relief as he switched to your other foot. He slid on your socks and he helped you stand up as the towel fell from your shoulders and to the floor.

You grasped his shoulder as you lifted one foot and then the other as Steve helped you into your pajama pants. His warm lips grazed your belly button and it brought butterflies to your stomach and a gasp escaped your lips. He kissed his way up to your lips and you felt yourself becoming aroused. He kissed you gently and turned you around, you couldn't feel him behind you and the anticipation was killing you. You felt his warmth return as he sprayed your damp hair with some spray and he gently began working the tangles out of your hair.

It felt amazing and your head lolled to the back as Steve finished brushing your hair he put it in a loose braid and he kissed your shoulder and you arched your back into his groin and you felt his cock jump against your ass causing you both to groan at the same time. He pulled away from you and you mourned the loss of contact. He rubbed some lotion into your shoulders and he helped you slide into one of his old t shirts. It was worn and thin but it was your favorite. It smelled like Steve. You turned around and slide your hands up to his shoulders and he grasped your hips and began walking you slowly backwards to your bed.

You felt the back of your knees hit your mattress and you collapsed with a giggle. "Someone's loopy," Steve chuckled at you as he held the covers up for you to slip under. You slid under the cool sheets as you watched Steve blow out the candles and walk back towards you. He made sure that your apartment was secure for the night and he partially shut your bedroom door and crawled in next to you. You felt the mattress dip as Steve settled in next to you.

You draped yourself over Steve and he held you in his arms. You could hear his heart beating through his Tshirt and you murmured "this is the best sound." You felt yourself drifting off as Steve kissed the top of your head and began gently stroking your back, the warmth of his hand seeping through your (his) shirt. You let out a deep sigh and Steve felt your breathing even out and before you could drift off you looked up at your beautiful boyfriend and thanked him for turning your day around and making it infinitely better. "You don't have to thank me, sweetheart. I love you always and forever and you deserve it."

You put your head back on his chest and snuggled into his side. His warmth began seeping into you and you both began drifting off together. Falling asleep in your boyfriends arms after the longest day of your life was the best way to end your day. As you fell asleep you felt like the luckiest girl in all of New York City.

~fin~

[doe-eyed-fool]

Prey | Chapter Three

Alastor x Fem!Reader

"Mimzy! How's my favorite flapper girl?" Alastor greets the shorter woman as he strolls into the lounge. Mimzy was at the bar, in the middle of a drink when she saw Alastor. A bright smile found it's way to her face. "Alastor! What brings you by?" She asks before turning her attention to the bartender. "Hey, a round of whisky for me and my good friend here." She tells him. 

Alastor took a seat next to her. "I actually wanted to speak to you about a friend of mine. You know her, Y/n L/n. She's looking for work, you see. Something new, something that can really turn her mundane life around."  He explains. "Oh?" Mimzy raises an eyebrow. "You suggesting I let her preform? She good at singing and dancing?" She asks. "I can't just let her preform, just because you like her." A small smirk fell on her face.

Alastor decided to ignore her teasing. "She's as good as they come." He says. "Listen, I'm going to level with you Mimzy. I've been trying to get Y/n out of her unfortunate situation for a while, and every time she refuses my help. Stubborn one, she is. But this is something she's actually willing to let me help her with. I promised her I'd at least talk to you about it. But I assure you, if you give her the chance, with time, she will be brining in all sorts of people to your lounge."

Mimzy hummed as she thought about it. "I guess there's no harm in letting her try." She shrugs. "I've only met her a maybe twice, but she seems like a decent gal. And I trust you Al, if you say she's good, then she must be."

"Excellent! She'll be ecstatic to know you said yes." Said Alastor with a grin. "I haven't said yes, yet. I said I'd give her a shot. She'll have her answer, once I see her in action." Mimzy corrects him. "Now, while you're here..." She hands him a glass of whisky. "Let's enjoy the rest of the evening, shall we?"

You walk inside your apartment, exhausted from today's shift. Lot's of people came in, and you were kept on your toes throughout the whole day. Right now, you wanted nothing more than to just sleep. However, the knock at your door would prevent you from doing so. With a groan you walked to the door and opened it, annoyance clear as day in your face. Upon noticing who was on the other side, your mood quickly shifted.

"Alastor?" 

"Good evening, Y/n. May I come in?" Alastor asks politely. "I have wonderful news, you just have to hear." You nod your head and stepped aside, allowing him to enter. Shutting the door, you approach Alastor with curiosity. "What is it?" 

"I spoke with Mimzy tonight, and she said she'd give you a chance." He tells you. You almost couldn't believe it. Almost. Of course Alastor could get someone to go along with what he wanted. Rarely was there a time someone refused to hear him out. And now, thanks to him, you might actually have the chance to achieve your dream. 

"Al, you mean it? She wants to give me a chance?" You ask. Alastor nods. "I suggest you tell your boss, you wont be making it in tomorrow. Because she wants to see you first thing in the morning." 

"What?" You gasp. "But that's so soon!" 

"The sooner the better, no?" Alastor chuckles. "I'm sorry about the short notice, but she wouldn't accept any other time. She's a busy gal, she says." 

"How am I going to explain this to my boss?" You ask worryingly. "I could always explain it to him." Alastor smirks. "Explain that you're moving on to bigger and better things. Explain how he was always a slimy, no good excuse for a man, and you deserve better. And how-"

"Ok, Al. I get it." You chuckle. "But no, you don't have to do that. I'll talk to him." 

"Oh, Y/n. Always wanting to do things the hard way." Alastor shakes his head. You just shrug. 

"Thank you, Alastor. Really, I don't think I could have done that on my own." You say with a soft smile. "Anything for a dear friend." Alastor tells you. Your smile fell slightly and you felt a light stab at your chest. You ignore the feeling and continue. 

"Well, I should probably get some rest. Big day tomorrow, right?" 

"Indeed! I'll get out of your hair." Alastor says as he makes his way to the door. "I wish you all the luck int he word, Y/n. And I'll be there, right by your side for your audition tomorrow morning. I promise." 

"Thanks Al." You say before yawning. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Y/n." 

You smooth out your dress as you briskly walk to Mimzy's lounge, your heart was beating wildly in your chest, and not just from your fast pace. You never felt more nervous, today could be the day that changes your life completely, you have to be perfect. Nothing could go wrong today, it just couldn't. 

As you approach the lounge, you saw Alastor waiting just outside of the door. He gave you a wave as he saw you. You smile weakly and hurried to his side. "Morning." You greet him breathlessly. "Good morning, Y/n. Today's the big day!" Alastor says excitedly. You only nod your head, hands shaking by your side.

"Nervous?" Alastor offers.

"Terrified, more like it." You tell him. "Oh, Alastor. What if I do terribly? I would have wasted yours and Mimzy's time, and just make a complete fool of myself." You say with a shaky sigh. "Come now, you'll do just fine." Alastor said, placing a hand on your trembling shoulder. "How did your boss take the news?" He asked.

"Well, I didn't say I was quitting. Just that, I had somewhere important to be and couldn't stay for my shift." You then grimace. "The look on his face made me want  to curl up and die. He didn't say much, but I could tell he was upset with me." 

"Psh, he can be upset all he wants. He should feel grateful he didn't say anything to upset you. Otherwise, I'd be down there right now." Alastor mutters, his tone dipping low. "Anyhow!" Then his tone was right back to the usual liveliness. "Let's show Mimzy what you've got!"

Alastor leads you inside the lounge, there wasn't anyone in this early, so it was entirely empty. Aside from Mimzy, who was having a smoke at one of the tables nearest to the stage. When she noticed the two of you, she puts out the cigarette and stands from her seat. "Morning, you two. Come on over." 

You and Alastor approach Mimzy, all the while, she kept her gaze firmly on you. "Hm, yeah, just as pretty as I remember her being. Good start." Mimzy says as she checks you over. "Real question is, can you sing?" 

"Y-Yes ma'am." You nod. "Yeah? I'll be the judge of that, sweetheart." Mimzy smirks. "Now, get on up there." She points her thump at the stage. You exhale shakily and glance at Alastor. He brushed his hand on yours and nods. You walk towards the small set of stairs that lead to the stage, and climb them. You approached the microphone and held it gently. It was just two people, Mimzy and Alastor, and yet it felt as if the whole world was watching. 

"I've got a song picked out for you already." Said Mimzy before nodding towards the man at the piano near the rear of the stage. "I hope you know it." The music began to play, and thankfully you did know this song.

You swallowed a lump in your throat and bean to sing along.

I'm sentimental, so I walk in the rain I've got some habits even I can't explain Could start for the corner, turn up in Spain But why try to change me now?

I sit and daydream, I've got daydreams galore Cigarette ashes, there they go on the floor I'll go away weekends, leave my keys in the door But why try to change me now?

There was a point in the song, where you had found yourself becoming less tense. Your eyes closed, and instead of focusing on who was watching you, you look back on your memories. Memories of your parents and yourself, when you were younger. Singing along to songs on the radio with them, the sound of their voices, their faces.

Why can't I be more conventional? People talk, people stare, so I try But that's not for me, 'cause I can't see My kind of crazy world go passing me by

So, let people wonder, let 'em laugh, let 'em frown You know I'll love you till the moon's upside down Don't you remember I was always your clown? Why try to change me now?

You slowly open your eyes as the music died out, and once again it was just Mimzy and Alastor watching. Mimzy was the first to speak. "Alright. I think I have my answer." You felt nervous all over again, heartbeat picking up in your chest as you await her answer. 

"You seem a bit tense, but I guess that's normal for your first time singing in front of folks. But you'll have to handle your nerves when you sing in front of people for real. A nice voice doesn't pair well with a stiff performer." She starts. "But, I think with some practice, you'll be doing just fine. I expect a lot more folks in here now that you're gonna be singing on my stage." 

"D-Does that mean I...?"

"Welcome to showbiz, kid!" Mimzy smirks. You smile brightly at her words, looking to Alastor, you noticed he was just as happy as you were. "See, what did I tell you?" Alastor shrugs. "She's a natural." 

This was really it, you would finally make something of your life. You could finally follow your dream. And it was all thanks to Alastor. You figured you should do something nice for him, after all, he's been so kind to you for all these years.

[marwritesgood]

Stepping on the Last Train

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Hopper!Reader

Summary: Tensions in the Hopper household come to a peak when El runs away under Y/n's supervision.

series masterlist // main masterlist

A/N: this is a side-story (though technically a back-story) to my Steve series, Cardigan. i recommend reading the first two parts of the main storyline, if you haven't already, for better context.

September 18th, 1978

Sara let out a tired yawn as her older sister read the last sentence of her favourite storybook. The hospital bed was the least bit comforting, nothing at all like her bed at home. Sara frowned as her sister closed the book shut.

"The end," Y/n sighed, relieved one of the longest days of her life was finally coming to an end.

Between school, her neglected chores and the daily trips to the hospital, she had barely any time to sleep. Even when she did catch a break, she never could go to sleep. Not when her baby sister was sitting in a cold gloomy hospital room, their parents both a mere shell of the lively people they once were.

Some nights, Y/n would dream the four of them were all dancing in the living again. Her stepping on her dad’s toes as her mum lifted Sara up in the air. On those nights, she could not help but wish she could sleep and dream that forever.

Y/n turned to place the book down on the chair beside the bed, but Sara grasped her arm and stopper her. She huffed, knowing where this was going.

"Again," the little girl spoke softly.

Her big sister's voice was a significant upgrade from the hospital ambiance and the annoying beeps from the heart monitor. The older girl sighed. Those days, it felt like everyone wanted more from her than what little she had left to give.

"No, Sara, I'm really tired."

The young girl pouted, sticking out her bottom lip and staring up at her sister until her eyes watered. She had gone from almost always having her way to not having any say at all. It wasn't fair, they both thought.

"Pleeease, Y/n," she pleaded, weakly grasping onto her sister’s forearm.

Y/n frowned, her heart sinking. Sara huffed defeatedly as her sister leaned in and kissed her temple apologetically.

"It's getting late, Sara bear,” Y/n whispered with a weak smile. Time was no one’s friend in the hospital. “- We should really get some sleep.”

As Y/n shift the hospital bedsheets to sit up, the faint sound of her father's voice could be heard. Her eyes shot up to the silhouette of her parents through window, as their conversation in the corridor escalated just as it always did.

"I'm doing everything I can!”

Hopper threw his hands up in frustration which only infuriated his wife more. Livid, she inched closer with a deathly glare and a horrified expression.

"What, and I'm not?!"

Y/n winced and instantly looked down to Sara. Their parents fighting had become routine now, but she knew that didn’t stop the youngest Hopper from trembling in fear every time.

Y/n shifted back into her original spot and wrapped her arms around her baby sister. What was one more late night, she told her. Sara already had her fair share of things to worry about.

"Let's read it one more time, ok?”

Sara sniffled and looked up to her big sister, nodding her head as she tried to bring herself to smile. Y/n frowned before leaning in and kissing her temple softly. She opened the book to the first page again and made a point of raising her voice and doing extra goofy character voices to drown out the sound of her parents.

***

December 20th, 1983

Y/n gulped down a mouthful of soda as she studied her father from across the room. He said goodnight Eleven and carefully closed shut to the door that Y/n guessed would now be her bedroom.

Once he turned to approach the kitchen table, Hopper met his daughter's hard gaze with glazed over eyes riddled with guilt. He was grateful she waited until he sat down opposite her before ripping him a new one. El needed a decent night's sleep, among so many other things.

His daughter huffed, surrendering the death grip she had on her soda can. How was he so calm and casual about something that impacted their day-to-day lives massively? Y/n leaned in and glared at him with knitted brows.

“What the hell, dad?”

She spoke in hushed tone, yet her voice still projected with a piercing sharpness. Hopper sighed. He knew his daughter well enough to suspect she would not take the news of El moving well. Even so, he couldn't help but hope it bode over a hell of a lot more smoothly.

“Listen, bug, I know-“

Y/n scoffed, cutting whatever explanation he had short.

“Look, I get that she’s alone and needs a safe place to stay," she reasoned. "- but you can’t just take in a child we only met a few weeks ago and just expect me to be on board.”

Hopper pursed his lips as his posture slumped. That was a fair point, one he had always been aware of but chose to overlook. It was easy to do when El looked up at him the way she did.

“I know it’s a big change-"

"It's a massive change," Y/n corrected.

This was a much bigger deal than bringing in a stray cat. Eleven was an entire person who needed and deserved more than what Y/n had been just barely getting by with that last few years.

Hopper leaned back against his chair and ran his hand over his mouth. After a moment's deliberation, he turned to his daughter once more. Y/n felt uneasy as he looked to her with pleading eyes. She knew then he was not going to give up easy, and that only made her feel worse.

"I just thought that maybe after all she's done and all she's been through…” Hopper shook his head, unable to even fathom just how much that little girl had endured.

He looked to his daughter and sighed once more. They could go back and forth all night about what it was that led him to making such a rash decision. However, ultimately, Hopper's reasoning was simple.

“She needs me, bug.”

Y/n winced. Finally, she was able to put her finger on what it was that made her so uneasy. In one chance encounter in the woods, Hopper dropped everything to bring El home. In one encounter, he made the call to step into her life and be a parent with seemingly little hesitation.

Where had this version of him been for the last few years?

Hopper reached out and placed his hand atop Y/n's, causing her to jump. He waited until she finally looked back before pressing further.

“She needs us.”

Y/n stared blankly at him. She blinked a few times then moved her hand away. This was not a movie, or some storybook tale. There were very real factors to account for and very real considerations to make. He needed a cold hard reality check, Y/n told herself.

"You work first thing in the morning and show up drunk in the middle of the night almost every night, dad,.” Y/n’s voice was calm and level, which sent chills down her father’s spine.

He didn’t feel like the parent in their conversation. He felt like a kid sitting in the principal’s office. Y/n sat back and narrowed her eyes, only heightening that very feeling.

"Do you really think your guardianship is what she needs right now?"

Hopper scoffed defensively.

"Hey, now that's not fair.”

He wasn’t new to the parenting scene. Sure, it had been just him and Y/n for a while and sure, he had been asleep at the wheel for a while too. But he was still a parent.

Y/n eyes only narrowed further.

"It isn’t?"

She licked her lips and swallowed thickly. She knew she was in the right, but that did not stop the guilt from creeping in. Maybe there was a nicer way of going about it. Maybe she was being a bit harsh.

Y/n dismissed that train of thought immediately. If not for Eleven’s sake, then it would be for hers. She already had her hands full trying to keep the lights running with just herself and Hopper. Adding another kid into the mix would only complicate things further and Y/n knew if things went south she would be the one to have to step up.

Lord knows he father knew nothing about doing that.

"Look, I don't want El to be out on the streets, but... and I'm not trying to be cruel,” she had to make sure he knew. “I just… I don't see how she's gonna be better off here."

Hopper’s stomach sank as he struggled to think of a decent retort. There was none. Their kitchen was a mess of dirty dishes, half-empty pizza boxes and a plethora of empty and almost-empty beer bottles. Their living room was no improvement. Old boxes Hopper had moved out of the spare room to make space for El, piles of policework and cigarette burns all over their sofa.

Y/n pressed further, though she suspected he was already getting the hint.

“I mean… how do you plan to look after her when you've barely been able to look after yourself the past few years?"

Much less her, the person he was already responsible for.

Y/n had to look away and excuse herself from the table. If she stayed and kept looking at him, she knew she was either going to scream or cry hysterically. Waiting for him to come to his senses was pointless, but she always struggled to resist doing it.

She was still his daughter, after all.

Hopper heard Y/n’s bedroom door close and leaned forqard again, this time putting his head in his hands and lettig out a quiet groan. What had he done? What had he gotten himself into.

Y/n words echoed through his head as he tried to figure out the best way around it. He took a deep breath and resisted the urge to reach for the whiskey he kept in the kitchen cabinet. She was right, he realised.

He hated that she was right.

Balling his hands into a fist, Hopper glanced over once more to the pile of dirty dishes among the mess that was the kitchen. That was one way to start. He let out a huff and then got up from his chair and approached the mess, turning the faucet on and making a start on what he knew would be a long journey and an ongoing process.

If for nothing else, then it was to make sure Y/n thought of him as more than a drunken deadbeat.

***

October 31st, 1984

El looked up to Y/n with glossy eyes and pouted, her shoulders slumping defeatedly. She knew it was a long shot, but Y/n always came to the rescue when El had disagreements with Hopper. She did not thing she was asking for much.

Y/n sighed and glaced past her little sister. She could just make out Steve’s car pulling up to front of the cabin. As much as she hated disappointing El, Y/n did not want to get caught in the crossfire.

"That's Steve. I have to go now.”

She sped past the pouty young girl and reached for her bag from the kitchen table. Before she could make it to the door, El raced to block her path, this time with her hands clutched together pleadingly. That was new.

"Y/n, please,” El cried.

One night. All she wanted was one night out of the cabin doing somethings kids her age were doing. Something Mike was probably doing, though she would never know for sure because of Hopper’s stupid rules. Y/n frowned.

"I'm sorry, El, Hopper already said no."

Usually, Y/n could not care less what Hopper had to say, but when it came to El he was an otherworldly kind of strict. If Hopper banned Steve from coming over for a week after she missed her curfew twice in a row, Y/n dreaded imagining what he would do if she took her little sister out.

"I never leave," El complained, her brows knitting together as her frustration reached an all-time high. If Y/n was not going to take her side, what were the chances that anything was going to be different?

"C'mon, you know I don't agree with him, but I can't just-"

"Please, Y/n.”

Y/n froze for a moment. El sounded different. She didn’t sound like a kid throwing a tantrum because her dad wasn’t letting her go and play.

She sound like a kid who desparately wanted a break. She sounded like someone who needed their big sister. She sounded like Sara. That was enough for Y/n to give in.

"Go put on your costume."

El didn’t need to be told twice before bolting to her room and coming back out with the white bed sheet she had cut out holes into. Y/n could not help but smile as she opened the door for her and followed her out to where the BMW parked.

Steve had been waiting outside, leaning back against the hood of his car. As El came racing out towards him, he instantly stood straight and embraced her as she hugged him excitedly. Y/n smiled nervously as he looked to her in confusion.

"What's going on?"

Y/n shoved her house keys back into her bag and crossed her arms anxiously. It was too late to go back now.

"El wants to go trick or treating,” she explained nervously. Steve toyed with the car keys in his hands as he only felt more puzzled.

"I thought your dad said-"

"It's too dangerous," Y/n nodded. Glancing between her little sister and her boyfriend, she scratched the back of her head. "So- I don't know- I was thinking we could just drive around and El could stay in the backseat and watch? That way no one sees her."

Steve couldn't help but feel bummed their movie plans were being given a rain-check, but one look at El and her adorable costume and he knew he could not say no.

"Yeah, sure.”

He went to open the door for Y/n when he took notice of the way El lowered her head and left out a huff. Even with her expression concealed behind the white sheet, Steve could tell she was disappointed.

He reached his hand out for Y/n's, halting her from getting into the passenger's seat. She turned to him, puzzled.

“Or maybe..." Steve gave El a small smile before turning to her older sister. It would be worth a shot. He gave his wristwatch a once-over. "I mean it’s only 5 o’clock. Muncie's just a little over an hour away, and we don't know anyone there."

Y/n furrowed her brows, unsure whether she felt more startled or touched by what Steve was implicating.

"You wanna drive to Muncie?"

Steve shrugged, as if it was no big deal. To Y/n, it was. He stood behind El and placed his hands on her shoulder, feeling assured he was doing a good thing by the way the young girl was already jumping with excitement.

Maybe it wasn't trick-or-treating with Mike, Lucas, Dustin and Will, but it was a hell of a lot better than sitting in the backseat on the outside looking in.

"I want El to have the full Halloween experience."

"I do too, but it's risky," Y/n argued, folding her arms and taking a step towards the two of them. "What if someone sees her?"

"C'mon, she has the best costume to disguise her," Steve nudged El's shoulder gently, prompting her to lift her hands up.

"Boo!"

"See? Terrifying."

Y/n laughed beneath her breath then pulled Steve closer to her as El stood behind with a hopeful gaze. As much as she wanted to indulge, she could not ignore how risky it would be.

"Steve," she whispered. "If my dad finds out, he's gonna be pissed."

"I’ll get you both home before he gets off work, I promise," Steve assured, snaking his arms around her waist and closing the gap between them almost entirely.

Y/n pursed her lips, still unsure. Steve, not wanting to let El down after already getting her hopes up, pressed a soft kiss against his girlfriend's temple and then leaned his against hers until she met his eyes.

"Please, baby?"

Her knees weakened. Something about the way he called her baby always seemed to have that effect on Y/n. As if she was not already convinced, a small hand tugged on the bottom of her t-shirt.

"Yeah, please, Y/n?"

With two pair of eyes glued onto her, Y/n felt completely cornered. How was she to say no to the two people she loved most? Letting out a sigh, she playfully rolled her eyes and uncrossed her arms.

"Ok, fine."

El hugged her briefly before speeding to the BMW, where Steve stood holding both right-side doors open. Y/n was glad he brought up the idea of going to Muncie. El deserved a normal kid-experience. Maybe they could even make a habit of it.

Steve upheld his promise and got both Hopper girls home safe well before Hopper was due back. While Y/n turned in early, El stayed awake. Between the bucket of candy she had to hide in her closet and the numerous exchanges she had with kids and other families, she was awestruck. El didn't know when or how.

All she knew was that she wanted to go again, and soon.

***

November 10th, 1984

Hopper's truck was already parked outside the cabin when Steve pulled up with Y/n in the passenger seat. She mumbled a curse beneath her breath, dreading having to leave the car. She leaned back against the headrest and squeezed her eyes shut.

“My dad’s gonna kill me.”

This was beyond missing curfew or letting El outside in broad daylight. After their massive argument and broken television, Hopper stressed that his eldest keep an extra close eye on his youngest. And now she was nowhere to be found. There was no telling how Hopper was going to react.

She tried not to think about the worst case scenario. Just the situation in itself made her a nervous wreck. Feeling helpless, Steve reached for her hand and held onto it firmly.

“We can keep looking, baby," he spoke softly. If she wanted him to drive her halfway across the country, he would. There was very little he hated more than seeing her so upset.

“It’s no use,” Y/n huffed defeatedly. “We’ve looked everywhere.”

There was no other place in Hawkins she could think of that they had not already been to. Even if there was a place they had missed, it had been hours now. There was a greater chance El was out of Hawkins entirely, maybe even Indiana.

Y/n unbuckled her seatbelt and sat up straight. The longer she stayed in Steve's car, the more time she would have to psych herself out.

It was time to face the music.

“Do you want me to come inside with you?”

Steve's offer caught her by surprise. She smiled weakly and shook her head. Showing up with Steve would only agitate Hopper more given how much he already had against him.

“It’s ok."

Y/n waited until Steve was out of the driveway before going inside. The cabin was eerily silent, so much so Y/n was beginning to think Hopper was in his room. The she turned to the kitchen.

“Where is she?”

Hopper ascended from the shadows of their dimly lit kitchen until he and Y/n stood facing each other from opposite ends of the kitchen table. He crossed his arms and waited for a response, though he already knew the answer.

“Dad, I can explain,” Y/n whimpered quietly.

However, before she could even start, Hopper was muttering something about a report a woman made to the station with a description that matched El to a tee.

“What the hell happened?”

His voice was chillingly level, in a way that made Y/n's chest hurt.

“I came home from school with Steve, and El was still really upset and she asked me for some eggos, but we had none left. So I told her I would be super quick, and I was!”

Hopper furrowed his brows.

“You left her?”

“For five minutes, dad,” Y/n reasoned, her voice breaking. Suddenly, she felt like a little kid again. “Steve and I drove to the nearest store, got some eggos and came back but she was already gone.”

If it weren't for Steve suggesting different solutions, Y/n would have probably been on her knees crying and hyperventilating for hours. She looked to her dad and hoped he would at least acknowledge how distressing that must have been, but his expression was unchanged.

He was still looking at her like she was a sorry excuse of a person. Like she should have been the one missing, not El.

“And you didn’t call me?”

Y/n winced. Steve suggested doing that, but the prospect of it terrified her.

“I thought maybe she wouldn’t have gotten that far yet," Y/n defended, though it was a mere half-truth. "- so Steve and I drove around looking for her.”

“How could you be so irresponsible?"

She clenched her jaw. He did not have the right to say that to her. Not with his track record. Even so, Y/n bit her tongue. Escalating the situation was the last thing she needed, but he was sure testing her.

“If you had kept an eye on her, she would have never left," Hopper added, inching closer and narrowing his eyes at his daughter.

He could not believe it. The one person he thought he could always count on let him down massively. Adding insult to injury, she scoffed at him. Hopper's blood was boiling.

“Well, maybe if you had given her a bit of freedom she wouldn’t feel the need to retaliate by running away," Y/n hissed. Had he already forgotten the very reason he and El fought just a mere day ago?

“Don’t turn this around on me," Hopper growled, pointing his index finger at her. She was toeing the line of going too far, something she once never did but seemed to make a habit of in recent years. "I'm not the one who lost her.”

“No, of course not," Y/n laughed dryly, her tone saturated in a sarcasm that only angered her father more. "You can never do any wrong, all your rules are completely reasonable and not at all controlling.”

“El never disobeyed my rules until you started encouraging her to," Hopper argued pointedly.

"You mean until I listened to her and encouraged her to exercise her freedom of choice?”

“Since when does lashing out at and keeping secrets from their dad fall under freedom of choice?”

Y/n rolled her eyes. Did he not know anything about teenaged girls? Maybe if he was sober when she was 13 he would have even a semblance of a clue as to what El was going through.

“Oh my god, fine!" Y/n yelled. "- sue me for thinking a 13 year old girl should have a bit privacy and be allowed to say how she feels.”

“Don’t do that," Hopper shook his head, doubling back. "You don’t have a monopoly over knowing what’s best for El, I know a thing or two about raising a teenager.”

He was still the parent, Hopper told himself. That had to count for something.

Y/n stared at him, bewildered. He really believed that, didn't he? She knew then any attempt she could make at convincing him otherwise would be in vain. She shook her head.

“But you have no idea what its like being a teenage girl," she pointed out. "- especially one that has to live with you, because let me tell you…”

She stopped herself. While she found great satisfaction in ripping her father a new one, now was not the time. Not with El missing and her father still oblivious as to what could have compelled her to leave.

Hopper narrowed his eyes.

“Go on," he retorted.

Y/n sighed. This was about El.

“She had questions, dad." Y/n voice and expression softened. “- Questions about where she came from and what she can do and how long she has to stay cooped up in here, and all you do is give her vague answers or no answers at all, and it just…”

She tried to find the right words. She tried to think of a way of getting the message across without provoking him further, or making him defensive.

“You know, living with you and… and being your daughter, it’s…” Y/n shook her head. Maybe there wasn't a nice way of going about it. She looked to him and let out a huff. “You make it really hard sometimes.”

Hopper's brows rose, taken aback. He nodded his head, and for a second Y/n let herself be convinced that he got it. That he finally got it. But then he clenched his jaw and suddenly his gaze became a cold glare.

“Yeah well, being your dad hasn’t been all that great either either.”

Regret seeped in the very instant the words left his lips. Hopper inhaled sharply, watching his daughter intently, terrified of another screaming match. It would be two nights in a row.

However, Y/n did not scream at him. She didn’t even flinch. Hopper didn't think it was possible but, somehow, that left him feeling a hundred times worse. Y/n shrugged her shoulders with a deflated frown. She had only one response.

“You stopped being my dad years ago.”

There was no other emotion in her voice, only exhaustion. She could never understand how he had it in him to say such horrid things to her. Perhaps there was time where she would have become livid by him saying what he did, but Y/n had little to nothing left in her.

They could go back and fourth as long as they wanted, but what use would it be? It would always end the same way; with Y/n walking away even more hurt and traumatised than she already was.

***

February 20th, 1986

“You got kids, American?"

Hopper's train of thought was swiftly intercepted as the Russian man seated next to him waited expectedly. He nodded once.

"Two girls," Hopper stated shortly.

He leaned back against the stone wall behind him and closed his eyes. If he tried, he could picture the two of them in his head and it would feel real enough to give him some comfort. It was the way he kept himself grounded and determined to stay alive.

"My youngest, she’s great," he explained, smiling to himself as he remembered El.

He recalled the way she kept him on his toes and brought so much light into his life. He could not remember how long it had been since their last movie night. He wondered how long her hair was now. God, did he miss her. Both of them.

"And my oldest? My god..." Hopper opened his eyes and looked up at the ceiling. His Y/n was really something. What he would give to see her again. "- She’s the spitting image of her mom, but she’s got my stubbornness."

No description could do her justice, but in simple words that was Y/n in a nutshell. All the best part of her mother and all the rough edges of her dad. Hopper knew that was part of the reason they butted heads so often.

He also knew he shouldered the rest of the blame for that.

“I was supposed to be the parent, but…” Hopper sighed, his shame getting the best of him as he remembered all he did wrong and how she always put up with it. “- Every step of the way she’s been the one looking out for me, keeping things in line and… calling me out on my bullshit.”

It was never fair, he knew that. He knew he should have never put her in a position where she had to be the one keeping the lights running and keeping him in check. Yet, even so, she did it.

She was resilient and patient and forgiving when she had every reason to be vengeful and leave him in the dumps.

“And she’s become one hell of a kid… in spite of me. Not because."

Maybe he would tell her that, if he ever made it home to her and El. Hopper tried not to think about it too much. In order to get home, he needed to get out of whatever hellhole he was in. In order to do that, he needed to stay alive long enough to figure out how.

***

i do not give permission for any of my works to be copied, translated or reposted onto another site.

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[elly99]

Phoning

Part 3 of 5. Check here for more details.

Monday 21:57

Things haven't been quite the same There's a haze on the horizon, babe It's only been a couple of days and I miss you

Your thoughts still linger on the conversation you had yesterday.

"It won't always be this way, baby. I promise. It might take years, but this is worth fighting for."

As much as you felt reassured by her words, you can't hold back that feeling of longing. That wistfulness.

You wish you could wake up to her every morning. You wish you could be backstage at each one of her shows or support her at each one of her rehearsals. You wish you didn't have to talk through a screen every night, though you were grateful for every second that you could.

In other words, you miss her. A lot.

"Did you like the breakfast I made you? I was in a bit of a rush, but I hope it was still ok."

"It was perfect, baby. You're the sweetest. Thanks again! Wish you woke me up before you left, though."

"Well, I did give you a kiss before leaving. Thought you'd wake up, but I guess you were too tired."

"You did?"

"Mmhmm."

Damn it. Why didn't you wake up?

"Well, when you come on Saturday I'll kiss you back."

"You better."

"And I'll make you breakfast, too! Anything you want in particular?"

"I'll love whatever you make. I just want to be home with you."

"Aww, look at you being all sweet, bro."

The way she squeals, cringing at her own words.

"Hey, why are you hiding!"

Even with her face behind her hands, she's glowing. And you're in love.

A few minutes of laughter pass. Then that feeling in your chest returns as you realize she has to go.

"Hey, I have an early day tomorrow, so I should probably get some sleep."

"Ok. Sleep well, love. I miss you. I can't wait for you to come back home."

You wish you didn't have to say those words anymore.

"It's only been a day! You miss me already?"

"I don't know. It must be some side effect of loving you."

"That's probably why I miss you, too."

Tuesday 22:23

When nothing really goes to plan You stub your toe or break your camera I'll do everything I can to help you through

After another long day, there's nothing better than hearing her voice again.

"Hey, cutie! How are you?"

The way she drives you crazy within five seconds of picking up the phone. Through the blushing and the giggles you manage to reply.

"Hey, sweetie. I'm good! Just had a lot to do today, so I'm pretty tired. How about you?"

"Same. I could really go for some ice cream right now. And I wish you were here."

"I'd feed you all the ice cream you want if I were there, baby."

What you wouldn't give to be by her side right now.

"Oh! I should get you some for when you come home this weekend. Any requests?"

"Mmm, surprise me! You know my favorites anyway."

"You're my favorite, Minji-yah~."

As much as she knows how to pull at your heartstrings, you know how to get her right back. And you love the way she looks when she's shy.

"I dropped my phone today, by the way."

"Oh no! How did it happen?"

"I was just being dumb."

"But you didn't hurt yourself, right?"

"No, but the screen's all cracked. You still look just as pretty through the broken glass, though. How do you do that, Minji-yah?"

"Shut up, babe."

But she's smiling as she says it. You know she loves when you call her that. And yet with one look at the way her eyes light up, it's you that's falling for her all over again.

"I bet it's not even broken. You were just looking for an excuse to set up that line."

"As if I need an excuse to call you pretty, pretty girl."

"Oh my gosh, go to sleep. I can't deal with you right now."

"But I don't wanna! I wanna spend more time with my girlfriend."

"You said you were tired!"

"I'll never get tired of you, though."

She buries her head in her hands and you find it absolutely adorable.

"You make everything better, Kim Minji."

Wednesday 23:54

If you're feeling down, I just wanna make you happier, baby Wish I was around, I just wanna make you happier, baby

"Hey, it's getting late! Aren't you sleepy yet?"

"No, not really."

"How much coffee did you have today?"

"Probably too much."

"Minji-yah, even Bunnies are telling you to drink less!"

"I know. But I wanna be able to stay up with you. Spending time with you at night makes me so happy."

You want to continue chiding her but your fluttering heart chokes back any words that try to escape your mouth.

"By the way, how did you know that Bunnies have been telling me to drink less coffee?"

"Um, cuz I'm a Bunny, too, you know. I'm always on Phoning reading the chats. Did you forget that I'm your biggest fan, baby?"

"Well, I just didn't think you'd pay that much attention to the little things."

"It's the little things that make me love you even more, Minji. The way you're so sweet and kind to everyone. The way you look out for your fans and make sure to support them. You're incredible."

"Yah."

A little flustered, she struggles to find the right counter to your attack. In the end she resorts to the simple words that knock you out every single time.

"I love you."

"I love you, baby bear. Speaking of love, I remembered you said in one of your Phoning calls that 'love' is one of your favorite words."

"Mmhmm. 'With love, anything is possible.' I said something like that, right?"

You nod.

"I thought that was really cute."

"I was thinking about us when I said that."

Thursday 23:48

We've been doing all this late night talking 'Bout anything you want until the morning Now you're in my life, I can't get you off my mind

"It's almost midnight, babe. Sleeping soon?"

"It's hard sleeping without you. I just wanna cuddle."

Her pouting makes you want to punch something and scream. Damn, she's so adorable.

"Just cuddle with Hanni! I saw you two in your latest video."

You pout back.

"Aww, is my baby jealous?"

Yes. Yes, you were.

"No! What makes you think that?"

"You can't hide it from me, cutie. Don't worry, though. It's almost Saturday. I'll be there to spoon you soon enough. Then you won't have to be jealous of Hanni."

"Hey! I wasn't jealous, though..."

"You really are cute. Here, hold my hand."

She holds out her hand in front of the camera, then squeezes the air. You do the same.

"You have really pretty hands. Have I told you that before?"

"Why are you being so sweet? Are you trying to kill me, bro?"

"You do the same to me all the time. It's only fair."

"I adore you, Minji-yah."

"Right back at you, bro. Hey, we should probably try and sleep now. Before you know it, it'll be 3:00 in the morning."

"Just like the Hype Boy lyric."

"Baby~"

She got you feeling so crazy.

Friday 21:36

Can't get you off my mind Can't get you off my mind I won't even try to get you off my mind

"Look what I bought today! I'll give it to you tomorrow."

"Aww, that's so cute! I love its little nose. Almost as cute as yours."

Making her shy once again, she holds the bunny up to cover her face slightly.

"What should we name it?"

"How about 'Tokki'? Simple is best."

"That sounds good. What about you? Can I call you 'bunny'?"

The sudden attack catches you off guard. It seems your calls this week have just been filled with attempts to assassinate each other with affection. You struggle to respond.

"Since you call me 'baby bear', I'll call you 'bunny'."

You're still too busy dying to answer her.

"I'll take that as a 'yes', then."

She has a smirk on her face, knowing she got you good. You can only nod.

"How was your day, baby? What did you do? Were you happy today?"

"Um, I watched some of your videos. So, yes, I was very happy."

"Oh, what did you watch?"

"I rewatched your ELLE photoshoot and I lost my mind. Again! How are you so pretty, Minji-yah? Like, it should be illegal for someone to be that beautiful. My chest was hurting for thirteen minutes straight!"

She giggles in response.

"How's my girlfriend so amazing?"

"You're amazing, baby."

For a few moments you just smile at each other, love swelling in your eyes. Then you feel it in your heart as you realize you'll see her tomorrow.

"I can't wait to see you, Minji. I still owe you that kiss."

"And I can't wait for my breakfast."

"Wow. So you're not excited to see me? You just want food?"

"Yup, I'm just in it for the ice cream, actually."

You try to put on a disappointed look, but just thinking about being with her again has you smiling relentlessly.

"In fact, I'm so excited for it that I'm going to sleep now, so I can get there early tomorrow. Tokki says 'good night'!"

"Good night, Tokki! And good night, Minji baby. I love you so much!"

"I love you more, my bunny! I'll see you in the morning."

And you know you'll see the morning before you get any sleep. Because you just can't get her off your mind.

[booksandpaperss]

kind of obsessed with the fact you've slowly gotten more blatant with heartstopper hate lmfao😭 it's like. fine to me it's cute but NOTHING SERIOUS IS EVER GOING ON so I gotta be in a really specific mood for it I still haven't watched s2. definitely couldn't be a fixation. and everyone fucking loves it it's the best thing since sliced bread and I'm like. why tho. and then any critique of it is sorta dumbed down to "oh you just don't like how sweet it is but teenagers deserve sweet romance" like ok but why's it gotta be boring though. and too healthy like beyond normal levels of healthy. like this is missing even the usual human levels of miscommunication. and it gets resolved too easy. sorry this was supposed to cut off 4 sentences ago I'm realizing now in your inbox that I apparently have beef with heartstopper

LKSSJJSJS LISTEN listen. I don’t even hate it. truly. I even genuinely enjoyed myself during the nick and Charlie parts bc that’s the part that thought is actually put into. I just hate how much everyone loves it so blindly

honestly my biggest beef with it is that it’s marketed and treated as the most genuine and diverse groundbreaking queer storyline there is when that’s literally so far from true and it really really shows ppls true colors when they think this bc the sapphics and POC are literal props it’s actually absurd for a show that’s supposed to be a safe space for queer ppl

and god do I hate that part of the reason it’s so popular is bc it portrays these queer teenagers as never having a single, physical thought in their entire life. there was this whole plot centered around one single hickey that Charlie had??? and something abt the physical attraction portion of it all, which they did try to show btw, felt disingenuous to me. and I know that’s why it’s so palatable to a mainstream audience and it pisses me off and again it just doesn’t feel genuine. which is ironically one of the main arguments against heartstopper criticism: “it’s not cringe it’s just earnest” when yeah maybe it’s Trying to be earnest but when u look at it from more than a surface level lens it’s not rlly succeeding

and I know the aroace storyline in season 2 with Isaac resonated with a lot of people and I think that’s wonderful, and I actually do think that was something that was done well, but how can you have a storyline around asexuality when you don’t show the contrast in how it is being an allosexual queer person. there was a whole lot of romantic attraction going on but even more tip toeing around the sexual attraction aspect. and I don’t expect it to be like sex education for example in terms of the focus on sex obv , but the lack of acknowledgment of that aspect of the queer experience paired with how much the uwu wholesomeness of it all is played up rlly rubs me the wrong way. once again: it feels dishonest

I was actually talking about this with one of my mutuals the other day and they pointed out that it is very plain that alice olseman did not consult a single queer man in the writers room. and if someone can prove this wrong be my guest but I rlly don’t think the whole physical attraction component would have been done so badly had an actual queer man been on the team. feels kind of like back in summer 2022 when byler shippers would literally shun and harass anyone who even implied that Will’s feelings for Mike probably included physical attraction meanwhile Noah Schnapp himself was making jokes about it bc he’s an actual gay teenager.

not gonna even get into right now how Tara and darcy felt even more like props this season than in the last one and I didn’t even like watching their scenes bc the writing itself felt performative. that’s a whole other post.

and man, wouldn’t it have been so nice if there had actually been people of color in that writers room. On a purely surface level heartstopper has a very diverse cast but once again, peel away even one layer and you realize it’s a bunch of tokenism, which brings me full circle back to my original point: you can’t say it’s peak representation and diversity when it’s whitewashed as hell and doesn’t gaf abt sapphics despite literally being written by one. guess she chose her whiteness over her queerness even when writing a queer story which wowwww sooooo original.

okayyyy anyways did NOT mean to write a whole essay but u discovering ur own beef reminded me of mine lmaooo

all of this was to say that basically I’m not gonna pretend I didn’t enjoy myself during parts of the show, and I don’t wanna shame ppl for liking it that is not at all what I’m trying to do here, it has its own place in queer media and if a show like this came out in like 2010 it would be groundbreaking despite its issues (but again it’s literally 2023 do fucking better) , but I take issue with people treating it like something it’s not and with the amount of love it gets I feel like I have to be really loud about my criticism of it, especially bc usually the criticism of the show that gets any attention isn’t even slandering it for the right reasons and like. if ur gonna hate on something queer and popular do it right

oh and heartstopper writers? maybe try speaking with an actual teenager once in your life before writing their dialogue they do not fucking communicate that well

okay I’m done now finally 🫡

[smallgronk]

Warning: really long wordy and idk how coherent rant ahead. Proceed with caution lmao

I don't even know how to start my rant but here goes. I haven't been using Tumblr for very long, but it has been incredible. I've met a lot of cool people, and learned a lot of cool things about myself. But I hate how the cycle of dysphoria seems to work. It is so exhausting. When I started my account I still went by he/him everywhere, I even said that in my bio or whatever. The longer I stuck around though, and the more I enjoyed the sapphic side of Tumblr the more I wished it applied to me? And at first I dipped my toes in by removing the masc signifiers and letting people draw their own conclusions. And when someone called me a girl for the first time? That was a strange experience. The longer it went on though the more I realized that it seemed right. I got more comfortable with my spot and didn't feel like I was "lying" to people or invading a place that wasn't for me. Cuz even when I would tell people they were cool with it? (Because obviously, almost everyone in my circle here is trans of course they get it.)

And everything about that is fantastic! But I've realized as soon as I made that step, the first time someone treated me like a girl... I changed. All the little things that I thought I was ok with are suddenly excruciating. I had sexted with someone with ease, but showing my face when I had some stubble? Unthinkable. And my voice, dear God my voice. It felt like I would shatter the "illusion" or something. Even if I disclosed to people ahead of time. There was no secret.

The real problem though is what has happened irl. I've always been a bit of a shut in (not by choice, situation), but I haven't spoken to any of my friends in days. Normally I'm in chat everyday at least for a minute. The thought of going and being Him for a bit when I could instead be my little trans self on Tumblr? Eww. So I just don't join. These are people who know I'm trans! I just haven't changed how I identify to them or whatever.

Everytime I start to think about it I'm just so overwhelmed. I told two people to refer to me differently and even that has crushed me. And I haven't even interacted with them since! I don't know if I'm more scared that I won't like it...or that I will. It will just be one more thing on my fucking to do list. I need to find some more queer people to hang with irl cuz it has been so rewarding, but just too distant I feel like I'm going insane. I simultaneously have the closest connection I've ever felt with a community and yet am crippled by the weight of the loneliness.

I've opened Pandora's box, and I was not prepared for it. I was a lurker on Reddit! I was just trying to be horny damn it. I wanted to bust a nut and chat with cute people for once so maybe I could stop being so inexperienced and now I've lost the comfort of my situation. I knew in the back of my head I was going to do all of these steps at some point probably but I NEED MORE TIME. I have to wait for eight different kinds of appointments before I can even think about it increasing my hrt because of my health conditions and some of them feel so far away.

And if I want to go to someone for comfort (which is already something I struggle so hard with!) There are always roadblocks. The people on Tumblr who I feel I could reach out to can only give me so much, it's over the internet. It is a great supplement to relationships but can only go so far without lots of work around. The people irl? Most of them don't even know about any of this and aren't in the know about queer stuff so I'd have to talk and explain so much. And the people I fully came out to? I'm not ready to face the emotions of them referring to me differently. And all of these have solutions mainly, but the issue. They all take work. And I'm exhausted. And I'm so upset. I don't want to do it. Right now at least. I just need some more time I'm getting there and figuring things out but I need more time.

Even posting this makes me feel sick to my stomach. Like I'm being overly dramatic. Which is silly, cuz if someone else felt this way I wouldn't even dream of anything but to give em a hug and let them cry it all out. I feel like I've stopped existing in the real world. Ive always struggled with dissociation but this is a whole other level. (Also people who are faking something don't typically question themselves lmao. That's just imposter syndrome.)

This was always one of my biggest fears when it came to transition. That I would be right. That it would flip a switch and make me miserable the moment I saw the other side. And I know it would get better. But until that tunnel breaks it would be unbearable.

And maybe I will feel better tomorrow. But even that sounds like forever away right now. I need a hug.

[theatreslave]

I don't know why I'm writing this.

But I'm the lowest I've been in awhile.

I was alone at work yesterday, my boss out sick with her kid. Hours spent alone. Waiting on calls and emails. Sending messages on my phone to men on dating apps who don't care about me. Sending distant messages to my best friend a state over.

I realized that my phone, the contacts, are full of people who haven't spoken to me in days, weeks, months. some even years. Why do I keep their numbers? Maybe I hope one day they will remember me.

I went home and got dressed for the gym. But I didn't want to pretend to be ok around all those people. I also didn't want to be the fat girl crying at the gym. So I laid down on my living room floor and listened to the silence.

My parents were out, at a casino, for the 100th time it seemed. My mother still can't say no to my father. He throws away what little retirement money he has, complains about losing, and then expects me to help.

Neither of them know I had a different man in my bed last night. Someone they would never meet and someone I probably won't see again. They don't know that I don't know how to look for love without giving my body away. So many hands have touched this body but so few have meant it out of love. Maybe none.

I laid on that floor and felt my fingertips, palms, wrists, forearms, biceps, back, thighs, calves, feet and toes. But back to my wrists. My Wrists my wrists my wrists and I imagine how my mother's cutco knife would so easily slice through my skin and for a second I could feel it.

I wept, I curled into a ball on that floor and felt the loneliness bubble to the surface and drown me. I grasped at the floor for something to keep me here. My own breathing scared me. I had no one who would come running if I told them I needed them.

I told the boy I wished would talk more that it wouldn't be his fault when he finds out what happened to me. There was nothing wrong with him. He just wasn't giving enough to me. To someone who needed a stronger hand to keep me here.

My nose was stuffed shut and running. I couldn't see through my tears while I walked to my kitchen and pulled out the knife I had imagined. I looked at it's sharp edge and cried harder. I gripped it in a fist and before I could draw blood and threw it down on the counter and fell to my knees. In my mind I saw myself on the floor, surrounded by blood, and finally at rest.

But my grandma came out of here room and I rushed back into the living room and threw myself face down on my couch. I told her I was trying to nap when she asked. I got angry when she asked about the cats dinner, she had forgotten that she had watched me feed them an hour earlier. I cursed her silently for asking me if I wanted to heat up the rice for dinner.

When she shut herself behind her door I stood up again. I walked to the kitchen and took the knife with me to my bedroom. I laid in bed with it in my hands in the dark. I was sobbing. Loneliness must hurt worse than a knife piercing skin, I thought. It had to be. If I locked the door then my grandma wouldn't find me until maybe morning. My parents would probably assume I was asleep and not check until they don't hear me shuffling around for work in the morning.

I wonder how they would regret leaving me alone. I wonder how they would regret making me feel like a child. The sharp edge of the knife against my palm, nearly breaks skin and i drop it to the bed. I can't breathe through my nose again. So I drag myself out of my messy bed and sit at the dresser.

I turn on the vanity light and look into the eyes of my reflection. Eyes bloodshot and swollen and pathetic. I grab the thin brown tissues and try to free my airways. Still watching my sadness in bright light reflecting back at me.

Then I start to pick at all the scabs and pimples I can find on my face. I tear at the wart I've been trying to rid myself of for months. I try to make it hurt more than usual as I pull at my skin. Maybe this pain will be enough to not turn back to the knife. But I'm still crying. I'm angry now. Angry that I am still here when I had been talked out of ending it so many times.

I remember that my bestfriend told me that if I didn't call him before I killed myself he would haunt me in reverse. So I call him. I put the call on speaker and lay in darkness in my bed, gripping the knife handle. He answers and I don't speak. He asks again for me and I don't have the will to respond. He thinks the call is dropped or wrong. He hangs up and calls me. I answer on speaker again and I don't want to reply. But I do.

And I weep. I cry. I tell him how tired I am. I tell him I have a knife. I tell him I'm so tired of being alone. Of having no one. I'm so sad that he isn't even here to physically stop me. I tell him I called because he made me promise to call him before I do it. He tries to joke but I know he is scared. I lay the knife down but he still knows its there.

I don't remember what all we talked about. He tries to distract me with topics that are the opposite of detached and boring. He tries to get a rise out of me. He listens to me rid myself of the built up mess of my tears and my stuffed nose. He doesn't comment on it. He's heard me like this before. I know it scares him. He doesn't know how much I appreciate him for not leaving me. For not abandoning me.

It's dark outside and I haven't eaten since noon. I don't want to eat but he convinces me to order something even if I don't eat it. I tell him when my parents are gone I order using my mums card, like a little bit of payback for choosing a sin over being with me. But I don't blame them. Not really. I never know when days like this will come. I cannot warn them. I cannot beg for them to be there when I need them because I don't know when I will.

He stays on the line while I wait for my food. I had filled and emptied my door dash cart several times and decided on food that I wasn't really interested in. He hears me get up and I put the knife away. He still asks if I did or not. He knows I know how to lie.

But I'm good this time. I put it away. I sit on the couch, half listening to whatever he says while thinking about how disappointed I am that I'm not bleeding. The food arrives and he says goodbye. He tells me he appreciates me. He tells me he loves me. He tells me to text him when I wake up in the morning. I know he needs to know that I didn't change my mind when he hangs up.

The guy from earlier messages me and asks if I'm ok. Asks why I never mentioned my depression when we hung out. I tell him I don't feel it when I have someone with me. That I wanted him to be there but he's too distant. he says he cares and I don't believe him. No one has given me a reason to believe men who only text me when they want to see me.

I make myself eat the rolled tacos, covered in cheese and lettuce and meat and sour cream. I add the home made pico de gallo from my lunch that I never ate. I try to make myself feel better about all the calories now that I am ravenous. I eat it all. 5 tacos. They aren't that good. They are dry and I wish there was more meat. I wish I had bought something different. But I chose this because it was cheap even though I had made my mum pay for it.

I distract my eyes with a podcast that makes me laugh on my normal days. It keeps my attention enough to not aimlessly scroll on dating apps hoping for something and someone that won't come.

I feel sick. I feel too full. I make myself drink soda and water and not throw up. I change out of the gym clothes that didn't get to serve their purpose. My cats circle and I take them to the rooms they sleep in. I wash my face and make sure the water is cold. Hoping it will remind me what being alive feels like.

I hate myself for not showering like I planned. I feel like my hair is made of oil and my skin stinks. It probably doesn't but it's still another failure. I put on my cpap and lay in bed, window open, fan on, trying to find sleep. I toss and turn and feel like i'm being punished for letting myself feel this sad. I hear my parents come home. I can see the light in the hallway illuminate the outline of my door.

I wonder if I locked it. I wonder if my parents will check on me. Their grown but still a child daughter. They don't. They go to bed and don't bother. They trust me more than they should.

Now I know that they wouldn't have found me until the next morning. It is not comforting. I am uncomfortable and feel like my skin is too warm. I want to sleep. I'm so tired. I just want to sleep. I wish someone would hold me here. Hold me so I don't try to disappear.

I count fingers. I count sheep. I feel how crooked my shoulders are. I feel how dry my feet are. My cat swats at my ankles when I get too close. God please let me sleep. I don't know when I stopped counting.

I woke up late this morning. I made myself shower, hoping I will feel alive enough to not cry in front of my parents. They don't notice that I am more quiet than usual.

Now I'm here. 'working' my head has been pounding and I know I'm dehydrated. But spelling this all out is all I can think about. I hope it will make me feel better. But i'm aware I'm skipping lunch. I should eat. I live from meal to meal it seems.

I don't know why I'm still here.

I want to disappear.

I already don't exist.

I want it all to end.

But I have a kindle coming in the mail today.

I should use it at least before I go.

[thirstyandbeautiful]

ok but like soft slow careful sex with Daniel after he’s absolutely railed u to the point u can barely sit down the next morning😭like it’s the next day and he knows your sore and doesn’t want to hurt you anymore so he’s being super careful🥹

no because daniel would be the perfect combination of ✨️rough and fast✨️ but also ✨️soft and slow✨️

.

your eyes opened slowly but immediately squeezed shut from the sun shining directly in them from the opened curtains. both you and daniel too busy being wrapped up in your own little world to bother with closing them last night.

you turned your head to the other side, the one that your boyfriend usually sleeps in, expecting to find him snoring, clearly exhausted from last night's activities, but his side of the bed was empty. until you looked down and saw a tent forming above your stomach, a smug smile forming on your face

"did you not have enough of me last night?" you chuckled,

"morning princess, was wondering how long it's gonna take you until I eventually had to wake you up"

your hands lowered the white sheet that was covering Daniel's head so that you can take a good look at him. his signature smirk was covering his face, his tired eyes looking up at you but the glint and mischief in them couldn't be missed, his curls messy from the pillow he was resting his head at but also from the way you were so tightly pulling at them last night as his tongue skillfully licked your dripping core

"so fucking wet for me, doll, can feel this pretty little pussy squeezing me so tight"

"wish you could see how pretty you look taking my dick, that's right take what you want from me babe"

you gulped recalling the way he had worshipped your body last night. your hips hurt from your legs being spread open for so long, and you could still feel his cum pooling in you

"fuck" you mumbled under your breath when you felt his mouth on your inner thighs. Full lips planting kisses on the soft skin and your head dropped back against the pillow.

"haven't even touched you properly yet and you're already dripping for me"

he swiped a finger upwards on your slit, from your entrance, where he momentarily swirled around your hole to gather your juices, all the way to your clit, before bringing it to his mouth

"taste so sweet" he hummed, never once breaking eye contact with you

you pulled your legs up and over his shoulders, closing them so he wouldn't have any visual of your dripping folds and pulled them up towards your chest. when you saw his frown, his mouth opening to ask you what where you doing, you slowly opened them once again, the toes of your right foot grazing his chest as you exposed yourself to him

"need a reminder?"

your elbows gave out from where you were supporting yourself on them, and your back arched when you were laying down on the bed again. a cry leaving your lips when his mouth connected with your pussy and your hands found their usual spot to his curls

"fuck, yes, just like that baby, yes!"

you were oversensitive. the countless orgasms daniel made sure to give you last night, the love bites that were littering your body like small reminders that you were his, and his only, your boobs that were swollen and your nipples that were hard, it felt like your soul was slowly leaving your body with the way his tongue worked between your thighs.

his lips wrapped around your clit, teeth pulling on it gently, as the tip of his tongue kitten licked the sensitive bud. his hand squeezed your thighs tightly, as your body squirmed on the bed, your hips bucking up towards his face and his nose nudged your clit with every movement of his head.

"let me hear you, princess, wanna know how good i make you feel" he mumbled against you, the vibrations sending a wave of goosebumps up the length of your body and your legs opened ever further apart wanting him as close to you as possible

"it feels so good daniel, please!"

the hand that wasn't on the back of his neck, went up your body, bringing it to your mouth, wetting your two fingers as you moved your hand towards daniel, tapping your index and middle finger on his lips, indicating you wanted him to suck on them. his mouth opened and his tongue wrapped around the digits before you pulled them out as your other hand pushed him back towards your throbing pussy.

you circled your wet fingers around your nipple, and the sensation had your eyes squeezing shut as you let out a whimper

"feels good, doll, doesn't it?" you were already so close to your orgasm, your legs were shaking, you could feel yourself dripping down your thighs and your chest was heaving heavily as you tried to catch your breath

"please, daniel, I need-"

"what princess? what do you need?"

he egged you on, forcing you to say what he wanted to hear

"I n-need your fingers baby please"

his right hand unwrapped from your thigh, bringing it between your legs as he gathered your wetness at the tip of his ring and middle finger

"need my fingers baby? that's what you want?"

you rapidly nodded your head, fisting the sheets underneath you when he pushed them inside you but quickly whined when he pulled them out again before he had managed to insert them in your warm walls properly

"fuck, dan, just please-"

the tip of his fingers hit your g-spot immediately, not leaving you time to adjust as he started curling them inside you. it felt good, it felt too good. daniel knew your body like the back of his hand. he knew where he had to kiss to make your eyes roll to the back of his head but he also knew where he had to touch to make you cry out his name.

seconds later you felt his tongue back at your clit, moving it up and down whilst his fingers felt like they were touching your clit from the inside

"I'm so close, babe, fuck" you cried out and your hips circled as you rode his face "faster" you breathed

he pulled his fingers out, quickly licking them, humming at your taste before he pushed them back inside you again.

"what a good girl for me, princess, taking my fingers so well"

your back arched once again, your mouth opened and a loud scream of his name escaped it as your body shook with pleasure

"fuck yes, cum for me, beautiful, just like that"

his fingers kept on hitting your g-spot and you felt yourself gush around his fingers, your wetness squirting on his chest and lower face as his thumb rubbed your sensitive clit. the wet sounds turning your cheeks a crimson colour and when you managed to come down from your high and felt the pool of wetness underneath your bum you felt embarrassed

"babe, I don't know about you, but that was the hottest thing I've seen you do" he smirked and lifted himself up as he hovered above you "and it was all because of me"

"oh get over yourself ricciardo" you rolled your eyes and pushed him off you as you tuned over and straddled him, as you sat directly on his hard cock "round two in the shower?"

[oh-no-a-whovian]

WIP snippets/ sneak peeks

Despite my claws final part

Marcus groaned, rolling over to glare at you for setting something to go off at that ungodly hour. He paused when he saw the look on your face as you stared at the notification.

“what’s wrong?” he questioned sleepily, placing his hand on your pregnant belly.

“We just got on the train…” you whispered, glancing to the man lying in the bed beside you. a couple years ago this would have felt like great news, finally getting to go back to the little warehouse you’d made home. But now? You haven’t changed much over the past three years, but you still made a home here with Marcus. Will you be expected to be on your best behaviour the moment you set foot back in America? He hasn’t exactly trying to make you change…

Lavender perfume PT2

“I’m not sure you should go through with your appointment today, [Y/N]. he’s been acting up for nearly an hour now.” Smith says as she glances at the sealed door. “we’re not sure it’s safe.”

“I think I’ll make that decision but thank you for the warning, smith.” You her, nodding to the door for them to open it.

The room is darker than usual as you step inside, the smell of lavender fills the air, wafting in from the vents. 049 is lying on his bed, his hands clasped atop his stomach.

“Are you ok?” you ask gently as you step further in, unsure if he’d noticed your entry. To your surprise he sits up quickly at the sound of your voice, propping himself up on his elbows to look at you.

“you’re late, are you okay? I was starting to worry” he asks, standing to approach you.

11th doctor X reader

You feel a shift in the air as you take your seat before the fire pit, ready to start your prophecies for the day.   

You dip your fingers into the dishes either side of you, the flowers and scented oils floating on the surface sticking to your skin. You flick the excess into the flames, filling the air with scented steam that wafts around the candles scattered around the room.

You nod toward the temple guard, and he opens the door, allowing the day’s desperate pilgrims to enter for their prophecies.  As the first person enters, taking a seat across your fire, you push away the new feeling. A serene smile spreads across your lips and you begin to answer their questions.

the bad batch x reader

“All clear” another voice responds to your right, the opposite side of the clearing to the other. You look up at him as he approaches. He’s covered head to toe in what almost looks like clone armour, colour grey with segments of red. He slings a sniper rifle over his shoulder as he squats down beside you, making no effort to help you. “You sure she’s who we’re here for?” he asks, his helmet tilting up toward the other person. “she doesn’t seem like a powerful jedi”

“Yes.” The other man grunts as he pulls the beast off of you. you hiss as you move your leg, pain throbbing throughout the limb. “[Y/N], right?” he asks as he kneels beside your leg, tying a length of cloth above your knee to slow the blood flow.

“yeah” you affirm as you lift yourself up onto your elbows. You close your eyes, trying to breathe through the pain.

“How long have you been here?” Crosshair asks, your bag and lightsabre in his hand as he steps out from your cave. You hadn’t even noticed him stand from beside you, let alone walk off into the cave.

“Little over two months.” You reply, watching the other man as he stands and offers you a hand to help you up.

(haven't decided how many of the bad batch i want it to be)

A/N: other things in the works mentally but not enough on page to do a peek.

Feel free to send an ask if you wanna know more!! 😊

[ejzah]

Prompt: I'm a fan of your work and I was thinking that we haven't read about Monty or heard of him in the TV show for an awful long time. He would be getting up there in years, and perhaps gone to doggy heaven. May I please suggest that you'd consider the arrival of puppy Monty Jnr as a gift on Deeks's birthday, or perhaps for Caleb. Kindest regards

This was a prompt I received through my ff.net messages.

***

A New Addition

“Mommy, are you sure he’s going to be ok in there?” Caleb asked in a loud whisper as he worriedly peered into the basket on his lap. Although Kensi has tried to gently reason with him, he’d refused to put it down for more than the half minute it took for him to strap into his car seat.

“Yes, honey,” Kensi assured him. “The lady at the shelter he’ll be perfectly fine.”

“But he’s so quiet. Maybe something happened to him.” Kensi peered through her rearview mirror in time to see him dip his hand into the blanket lined basket.

“Caleb Deeks, don’t you dare wake that puppy up,” she warned quietly, making him jerk, and hurriedly pull back. The last thing she needed was a rambunctious, 8-week old puppy running around the car. Keeping his chin tucked down, Caleb shot her a sheepish smile from under his eyelashes.

A box of pastries emblazoned with the words “Happy Birthday to the best husband and dad”, their excuse for this little excursion, sat on Caleb’s other side.

The dog had been Caleb’s idea after Deeks shared one of his favorite stories about Monty. Even at six years old, Caleb was empathetic enough to tune into Deeks’ wistfulness. The next day, he’d informed Kensi that they needed to get daddy a new dog, and somehow she just could deny Caleb in all his earnestness.

Besides, he was right. There’d been a Monty sized hole in their home for several years now. It was time.

So the search had begun, starting with their local shelter. Kensi had planned on finding a dog similar to Monty, but Caleb had immediately bonded with a Golden lab. The fact that they would be allowed to bring him home on Deeks’ birthday was proof enough to Kensi that it was meant to be.

“Do you think daddy will like him?” Caleb asked, softly a few minutes later. He tended to get introspective during longer rides. “Maybe he’ll be disappointed that it’s not the same as Monty. I mean, Monty was real special. I’ve never seen another dog like him before.”

“Yes, Monty was special,” Kensi agreed. “But so is this little guy and I know dad will love him just as much.”

A tiny smile twitched at Caleb’s lips and he resettled the basket on his lap, ever diligent in his duties.

***

“Hey, did you guys fry those doughnuts yourself?” Deeks asked, when they got back half an hour later. His head was bowed over a book on the coffee table and Kensi felt a rush of affection and love run through her at the familiar sight of his hair sliding into his eyes, those strong shoulders.

“No,” Caleb giggled. “But we got you a surprise! That’s what took so long.” He ran across the room, basket carefully held in front of him, and deposited it into Deeks’ lap as he looked up.

Deeks frowned, glancing to Kensi with a question in his eyes. She just shrugged, offering a teasing smile. Caleb was practically vibrating with excitement, bouncing on his toes as Deeks slowly peeled back the blanket that covered the top of the basket.

“Oh my god,” he whispered, mouth dropping open slightly. “You guys got me a puppy.”

“Uh-huh. It’s a Golden lab,” Caleb explained, pulling the blanket off completely. “Happy Birthday, Daddy.”

Shaking his head slightly, Deeks reached inside, and gently removed the blonde puppy. He easily fit inside Deeks’ palm.

“Hey there, Buddy,” Deeks murmured and brought it to his chest, lightly ruffling its fur. Kensi fumbled for her phone, needing to capture the adorable moment. After a couple minutes, Caleb started fidgeting, his worried look returning.

“Do you like him, Daddy?”

Deeks chuckled softly, finally lifting his head again, lips splitting with the wide crooked grin that spoke of pure happiness.

“I love him, Caleb,” he said sincerely. “It’s was one of the best presents I’ve ever gotten. Thank you.” With a mirror grin, Caleb gave a whoop of joy, and threw himself at Deeks, who managed to catch him against his chest with on arm. The other arm he extended outward to keep the still sleeping puppy safe.

As he hugged Caleb, Deeks caught Kensi’s eye, and gestured for her to join them. Kensi squeezed onto the couch next to him, wrapping her arms around both of them.

“Happy Birthday,” she whispered against Deeks’ cheek.

***

A/N: Since I love writing about Caleb, I decided to combine both ideas you offered. Thanks for the prompt!

[whumpingwithclara-alt]

Lost in a Dream?

Omg I haven't written for this in so long... I'm sorry to everyone who actually cares about my writing haha. Thank you to @whumpmasinjuly for getting me to actually write this chapter. Everything is still in chronological order. Thanks if you all read it!

No longer in captivity...

tw: Disosiciating, referenced rape but no details, starvation, sleep deprivation, body pains, hypothermia, numbness

Previous // ~ Jack Series ~

Jack was walking on cold pavement, everything around him had a slight shine from recent rain. The air was fresh and cool. The sun had set, there was still light, yet the world was quickly turning to darkness.

The air hummed a melody he used to know. The business of it. Of people going here or there.

There were adults on dates, hand-holding and giggling. Children running around, their parents trying to keep them in toe. Teenagers, older and younger than him, a group, ran by. Holding skateboards, a couple of them were further behind, on their boards to catch up. He flinched away, their laughter too loud and smiles too bright.

He kept walking on, swearing he could hear music...

In front of him was a red restaurant with white symbols. Perhaps another language, something in his mind tried to reason. 

The restaurant door opened as a sweet-looking family left, and the aroma from inside filled the air. It smelled heavenly. He hadn't eaten for a couple of days and his stomach growled angrily at him. 

If only he could control the food portions he was given. He'd be good! He'd be so good he wouldn't take much, just enough to keep his blood pressure ok. Just twice a day, he'd even skip Lily's cookies.

He found himself walking over before freezing mid-step. Hand resting above the door handle.

What... am I doing?

Where am I?

He looked at his half-dead reflection before the realization came to him. It was just a dream. He let out a weak laugh.

Just a dream. None of this was real.

Yet, it was a break from the pain and suffering. A time to think about a better place. Then again, he was breaking the rules. 

Stop being ungrateful.

Stop trying to escape somewhere else.

Stop pretending you could be normal again. You never were and you neve-

"Excuse me." A gruff voice behind him. "Are you going inside or aren't you?"

"I-I'm sorry, S-Sir." He quickly pulled away from the door.

He rolled his eyes and grunted as he walked past him. 

Jack's head raised at the smell from inside. He was so close.

Why not? Why don't you escape and give in, just this once?

The voice in his head was so small.

But it was so strong. 

Too strong.

And he pushed the door open.

And he walked inside.

And for just one small, victorious moment he stood tall.

Who was he to act so confident? So proud? 

He was quickly slouching again, hiding in the corner of the room where the lights were dim.

A waitress grabbed his arm and led him to a table when he failed to realize he was supposed to follow her. Her touch felt nice, like something he could trust. Someone he could lean on...

She was pushing him into a booth.

His mind went empty again, things happening around him. It was a dream he couldn't quite catch it. And when he came too, he saw a heaping bowl of ramen was placed in front of him, steaming hot.

"Enjoy! If you need me, call me over." She looked sympathetic to him. He didn't know why.

He picked up the fork and lightly tried to pick up the noodles, which slipped. Frowning down at the plate, he didn't wanna eat one or two at a time. He looked around desperately before seeing someone with chopsticks. Looking for his own but did not see any sticks on his table. 

He continued to glance before seeing someone stab the noodles before swirling his fork. They collected into a bite-sized amount easy to take a full bite .

Jack smiled weakly, copying them when they did it again before tasting it, and oh-

Why didn't they allow themselves to dream more often...

The flavor was incredible. And as it's heat went down his throat he realized just how frozen he was. Bunching up into the booth and hungrily eating, no tiny bites just shoveling the food down. Holding the bowl in his hands. It burned, ha, as if he cared. He was eating a whole bowl of food, hot food. Food made for him. When he was done he slumped against the table. Humming weakly as the sweet waitress came over to get him to pay.

Pay? Pay with what...

You have to pay...?

He panicked quietly. Shaking suddenly.

To greedy. Greedy brat. You shouldn't have come you shouldn't...

Things started blurring again.

A man walked over, looking at him with disdain before hearing a sickening crack.

He was with Al, he was sure of it. Al had him in bed again and... he couldn't remember anything.

And then he woke up. The dream was over. He tried to lift his head but couldn't. He was soaked... did Veronica push him in the tub again?

It was quieter now. A faint sound of cars now and then and he couldn't move. Couldn't manage to stand.

He could lift his head, barely at that. Panting weakly, trying to fill his lungs with air.

Where- he was lost... the restaurant. The red restaurant. Maybe the back of it... it looked different but the amazingly bright red was still visible.

It wasn't a dream...

He was lost, and alone, and the rain was starting to fall again and he couldn't move.

So this is how it ends...

----

Next // ~ Jack Series ~

Taglist: @myst-in-the-mirror @thelaughingstag @nonsensicalwhump @all-whumped-out (only since you asked about if I was doing prompts I won't tag you after this since you aren't on the two-person list haha) and since it's for whumpmasinjuly- @whumpmasinjuly

[feelingdeath]

Heyy! M back.

I wrote in scraps of paper - 17 scraps to be exact. I thought that Tumblr was somehow bringing out my spirals, but yikes that was all me. I haven't heard a creepy violent thought for ages and it feels good.

I recently discovered love as well. It's worth the wait I suppose. Currently, it's pretty much why I am alive and happy to a certain extent.

I could write cheerful extracts, but I haven't ever written one, which scares me. Dipping maybe a toe or two in new genres yeep.

I have had my ups and downs, there were times when I felt I had taken a very wrong path. I did come close to an attack but I stopped myself, I did not harm myself at all. I did cry in the bathroom a couple of times, twice I think I cried more than once a day. I did go days without eating and I did fall sick.

All in all, I learned a lot of things as well, I think it has been helpful - I want to write so much more on Tumblr. this is going to be exciting- ok byeeee.

[timeoverload]

I had a long day and I didn't enjoy it at all. I had 32 cases but I didn't stay for the last one because it didn't start until 5:30. I already feel dead but it's only Tuesday. The rest of the week is probably going to be miserable too.

It's summer and I don't understand why we are still so busy. I guess they want us to be productive the entire time we are at work. They took away the stools in the hallway so people can't sit down and I think that's fucked up. They were concerned about the doctors and patients thinking we're lazy but that's stupid. We aren't lazy. The doctors don't care as long as shit gets done and the patients are generally out of it because of the drugs they give them so I doubt they remember anything. The people that are making these decisions sit in their offices half of the day and I don't see them doing much work. Whenever I see them in the OR, they are just standing around talking. I am just so frustrated about it. I like to sit down out there sometimes when I am waiting for a case to get done so it is just going to make the day more difficult. They don't care. I feel like a slave.

I didn't sleep very well last night because I had an asthma attack. It's my fault because I had too many liquids right before I went to bed. I also didn't prop myself up. I don't have any other breathing problems and I know it's from my acid reflux because there was fluid in my lungs. I felt better once I got it out. I need to stop eating so late so that doesn't happen. I hate feeling like that. I feel bad for coughing that much in the middle of the night because I'm sure it wakes everyone up. I am not trying to be annoying. I couldn't go back to bed after that so I have been awake since 3:30.

I am glad that I don't feel quite so nauseated today. I know I had food poisoning. I guess I will have to be more careful about what I eat. I was going to get food on my way home but I decided not to. I just couldn't sit in the car anymore. I still have some canned food so it's ok.

I really want to gain weight because I'm so unhappy with my body. I am too thin and it makes me feel unattractive. I have been extremely self-conscious lately. I think I have always been self-conscious about my chest. I used to stuff my bra when I was younger and I wear a padded bra now. I would never get implants because I've seen enough defective ones get taken out of people so I'm not willing to take that risk. I don't want to surgically alter my body but I wish I was more curvy. Sorry if that's too much information but it has been bothering me a lot. I also got told once that my ass looked deflated after I had lost a lot of weight. I don't feel very feminine. I feel like people are silently judging me because of my size sometimes. I also miss my dark hair too but I don't want to start dyeing my hair again because it was falling out after doing that for a while. I almost blinded myself because I was tinting my eyebrows and eyelashes to match my hair and that was a stupid idea. I don't know why I can't just be happy with what I have. I'm not trying to compare myself to other people. I know that a lot of people aren't totally satisfied with their bodies either so I guess I'm not alone. I just wish I could stop feeling so ugly. I will try to work on myself more.

I haven't heard anything from my mom so I don't know what she is doing. I am just afraid I am going to get a bad phone call sometime. I shouldn't expect to get bad news but I have a gut feeling it's going to happen eventually. I am going to continue to hope for the best.

I really wish I had more positive things to say. I don't have much to talk about. I am just so tired. My toes feel broken and my back hurts. I should probably go make myself food soon. I am not planning on staying up late tonight. My goal is to be asleep by 10. I am going to make sure to prop myself up so I don't have another coughing fit. I hope I have the strength to make it through the rest of the week. I will do my best to make tomorrow a good day.

I hope everyone else has a great day tomorrow too. 💖💖💖

[elliotsramblings]

I know you don't love me anymore. I know you don't have feelings for me. Or maybe you do, but pushing me away is your way of making sure they don't bubble up. I don't know, but either way, you've been incredibly inconsiderate towards me. I get it, we're no longer together and you have no romantic obligation to care about my feelings. But we're still supposed to be friends, and friends that have been as close as we were aren't supposed to just stop caring about each other. Friends care about friends' feelings - let alone best friends, which we were still supposed to be. You were understanding and nice on the day we broke up. You said you understood my pain, that you felt like a dick, and that if I wanted to see our relationship off the right way, then we could. But every day after that felt like an exercise in humiliation. I want to keep you updated on my progress, how I've been handling my grief, my regrets, and the ways I've been trying to change. Maybe those feelings are too intimate, and you don't want them to encroach on that territory of romantic feelings. That's understandable. But still, every time you push me away, you manage to throw in just enough jabs to make me feel like I shouldn't have been vulnerable with you. I don't want to hear you joking about seeing other guys, or be the butt of your jokes because I'm the one that still hasn't moved on yet. You had months to sit on your feelings and come to peace with our relationship, all while I was blissfully unaware. Then my life flips upside down, and I'm given all of one day to collect my feelings before I'm unceremoniously evicted out of your heart. Our relationship ends when I least expect it, I'm told I'm the bad guy and the cause of our relationship crumbling, and if that weren't enough now I'm the butt of jokes about what we were. Most days feel like I'm showing up for another shift of being humiliated and having my feelings belittled. I'll insist that we call, because you're not nearly as sarcastically callous when we're talking, and things will feel OK again for a moment before we go back to texting and again I'm facing the emotional wall you've put up. Maybe you're still hurting too and this is your way of managing. I just wanted to open my heart up to you and keep you updated on my progress, and at times I've made jokes that cross a line of intimacy I'm not even supposed to toe. I deserve pushback then. I think about how we were back in 2020, and I want to bring the magic back, but at times that desire can cloud my judgement. I won't ruminate on those times, because we both know what it was, and I don't think the memories of those times will ever fade for either of us. These days I cycle through thinking back on those times, finding the motivation to try and fix the parts of our relationship that I was responsible for bringing down, only to get sarcastically rebuffed in a way that makes me question why I even bothered. If your goal is to stamp out the last vestiges of love I might still feel for you, congrats. Mission accomplished. Every day I find it harder and harder to hold on to the feelings I once had, memories of the girl that loved me so much I questioned what I even did to deserve it. I pushed on for as long as I did because I wanted to believe that deep down inside, you still cared about me, and that this was just an icy facade I could melt if I just tried hard enough. But maybe that's not true. Maybe you've already moved on, and I'm the clown making a fool of himself. This is a lot I'm throwing at you, and maybe none of it is true, or all of it is. I thank you for at least sitting through this jumble of words. But what I know to be 100% true are the feelings of hurt and embarrassment I've been experiencing. It feels good to at least get it off my chest, and to finally communicate my emotions to you in a way that I haven't been able to for a while now. I know I've been emotionally closed off. I don't know if you love me anymore. Maybe you do, or maybe that hope I've been clinging to is why I've been getting pushed back.