#I WANT HER TO KEEP ME SAFE FROM THE OUTSIDE WORLD AND TIE ME UP SO I CANT ESCAPE............................

[unearthly-doting]

the wind will guide you home

a/n: idk idk i just really like the anemo characters soso much. kept it pretty vague i think so you can decide if the reader is willing or unwilling. no faruzan or lynette bc i couldn't think of anything for them :(

includes: aether, lumine, venti, jean, xiao, kazuha, sucrose, heizou, and wanderer.

premise: you wandered a little too far away from your partner for their liking. maybe you were trying to escape, maybe not. but don't worry, they'll find you.

warnings: mdni, yandere content, gn reader, implied/referenced kidnapping, overprotective behavior, possessive behavior, obsessive behavior, implied drugging, stalking, unhealthy relationships, vague mentions of dependency, uh whatever the fuck is happening in wanderer's section.

AETHER — is immediately panicked the moment he realizes you aren't by his side anymore. he never lets you travel with him, it was dangerous and you were safer tucked away in the little area he kept you in, safe from the dangers of this mysterious world. it was his fault, really. he had forgotten to lock the door the last time he visited, having been in such a hurry for one reason or another. you, for some reason, had decided to leave even though he had told you time and time again that it was dangerous. he wouldn't waste any time looking for you, hurrying outside, and using everything he had to his advantage to search for you. if you have a vision, he's definitely using his elemental sight to track you down. and when he does find you, he's immediately latching himself onto you, clinging to you and breathing a sigh of relief. he was completely oblivious to the horrified look on your face, just glad to have you in his arms again. "let's get you home. it's not safe for you out here."

LUMINE — would more than likely notice immediately when you vanish. she keeps you at her side at all times to ensure that she can protect you, so you're rarely ever away from her. the moment she sees that you're gone, she's abandoning whatever it was she was doing to find you. it doesn't matter if it was a commission or some important task that will help her get a better understanding of this world. you were more important than that right now. you needed to be back by her side. her tracking skills were incredibly good, so you wouldn't get far before she had you in her sights again. it doesn't matter if you were trying to escape or if you were just distracted and wandered off, the grip she had on your wrist was tight once she caught up to you, and she refused to let you go until the two of you were back at whatever inn or camp you two were staying at. she'll bind your hands together and tie the end of the rope to her wrist if you try arguing with her. "i can't keep you safe if you refuse to stay by my side."

VENTI — is honestly the only one here that will find you like almost immediately. even if he isn't paying attention to you and instead wowing a crowd with his amazing bard skills, the wind will tell him the moment you're gone. he'll stop midstory at the news, politely excusing himself and promising to be back later with an even better story. he'll let the wind guide him, listening to the whispers as he hurries down the streets of mondstadt, picking up pace when the wind tells him you were heading for the main gate of the city. if he uses his powers as the anemo archon to cause a harsh gust of wind to knock everyone away from the gates of the city just so he can catch up with you, then... well... it's not like anyone will know it was him. other than you, of course. and the moment you recovered from hitting the ground, venti was at your side and helping you up. he let you keep your freedom, most of it at least, but he didn't want you to leave the city if he wasn't at your side. he doesn't let go of your hand as he drags you back, an upbeat smile on his face as he playfully spoke, "you're missing my performance! you know i can't perform without my biggest fan watching me." you miss the tightly concealed desperation in his eyes as he stared at you. you can't leave him. he won't let you.

JEAN — is so busy with work that she rarely has the time to keep track of every little move you make. honestly, she probably won't realize you're gone until kaeya or amber drop by and tell her that they saw you wandering outside the city, seemingly heading in the direction of liyue. she's immediately abandoning whatever paperwork she had been looking through, hurrying out of her office and rushing past the citizens in the city to get to you. her mind was running wild trying to figure out why you would even think about leaving the city, let alone leaving without telling her. she's almost out of breath by the time she finds you, the sun starting to set as she crashes into you in a tight hug while rapid-fire questioning you on why you were leaving mondstadt and if she did something wrong and what she could do to make it better. it isn't hard to calm her down, cutting off her questions and explaining that you were simply going to visit some family in liyue and that you had left a note for her at home because you didn't want to bother her when she was so busy. whether or not that was the truth, she didn't care. she was pulling you back in the direction of the city, shaking her head. "no, i can't focus on anything when you aren't here. i need you."

XIAO — felt a little hurt, finding you gone. he was one of the hardest to get away from, always at your side unless the traveler called him away or something happened that required his attention. he thought you had gotten used to him by now, seeing as you never shied away from him when he was around anymore. so yeah, he was real fucking hurt when he returned to the inn and found your room empty. not even verr knew where you had gone. he isn't the type to immediately panic, but he is tense and will gradually get more agitated the longer it takes to find you. if he finds you quickly, the most you'll get is a cold glare as he drags you back to the inn. if he finds you after searching for hours upon hours, he will cling to you as if you would disappear if he let go. his breathing would be heavy, his face buried in your neck as he grounds himself. you were back in his arms, and either way, he wasn't going to let you leave his sight until he was sure you weren't going to pull a stunt like this again. if you want to wander around, then just ask and he'll go with you. "don't ever do that again. don't... don't ever leave me like that."

KAZUHA — would feel torn. while he understands the need and desire to roam the world and take in all that one can process, he also felt uncomfortable when you weren't around. a sick feeling budding in his chest, wondering if maybe you weren't wandering off but instead trying to leave him. he wants to trust you, and most of the time he does, but... you've tried leaving him before. many times, actually, that he's lost count. so, as much as he would love to leave you to your own devices, he just didn't trust you enough. he would ask other travelers if they'd seen you by chance, and some would point him in your direction while others would shake their heads. no matter, he took any and all help given to him until he finally spotted you. his approach was quiet, and you were startled when you had finally noticed him. he didn't say anything for a moment, just staring at you. there was something about his gaze that felt more intense than normal. it was like he was studying you, deciphering your actions. it didn't last long, because the look was replaced with a soft smile as he held his hand out, beckoning you to take it. "let's walk together."

SUCROSE — also didn't immediately notice. similar to jean, she can get pretty busy with work and gets so invested that she'll often times forget her surroundings. it's only when albedo or noelle make a comment on you not being by her side that she snaps to attention, looking around with a puzzled expression. when had you left? how long had you been gone? when she had last spoken to you, the sun was high in the sky. it was dark now. she would stutter out a quick departure to whichever friend had told her you were gone before scurrying away to try and find you. she would have the hardest time finding you, nervously approaching strangers on the street and asking if they had seen you or not. one person mentioned seeing you at the barbatos statue, and she immediately darted off in that direction without sparing the informant a second glance. and she was damn near tears when she found you. she wouldn't understand why you had left without telling her first, wondering if maybe she had done something to upset you. she'd be apologizing, telling you she was sorry if she made you mad, and begging you to come home. given how you two were in public, you felt a bit out of place so you agreed just to stop having people look at you. she would hug your arm the entire time, refusing to let go until the two of you were back at her home. and then she'd offer you something to drink! as an apology! and, well... if she puts a little something in it to tire you out, then that's too bad. "o-oh, you feel sick? maybe you should try to rest... don't worry, i'll be here to take care of you."

HEIZOU — would be the second one to find you quickly. he's a detective, so obviously he'll be able to track you down with ease! your attempts at trying to cover were tracks were adorable but futile. he had found you probably a mere hour after you had gone off, though he didn't immediately make his presence known. he was curious as to why you had left so abruptly without telling him, wondering if maybe something had happened or if you were, perhaps, trying to leave him. but you wouldn't do that! right? either way, he's following you in secret. some may call this stalking, but he calls it... lovingly admiring from afar. this'll go on for hours, more than likely. he's not in any rush to drag you home, and he gets to partake in his favorite pastime! so, by all means, continue walking. he'll probably do a few things here and there to startle you, making noises by shaking bushes and branches or throwing rocks. he likes seeing you on edge; he thinks you're cute when you're constantly looking around, searching for him. of course, once you get too close to ritou for his liking, he'll bring the fun to an end and finally make his presence known by hugging you from behind, a cheeky smile on his expression as you tense up. "caught you!" he hums, pressing a kiss to the back of your neck as if to prove to you that he was actually there. maybe he'll lock you up at home for a few days just to keep you all to himself. y'know, as his prize for catching you.

WANDERER — thinks it's amusing, honestly, that you think you can sneak off without him noticing. he'll let you go off on your own and let you think you have the freedom of doing so, but only because he has other pressing matters to attend to. he'll take is time too, going about his tasks at a languid pace, not at all worried about where you may be or where you might go. some people may ask about your whereabouts since you're usually almost always with him, and he'll just offer them a smile that... well. it puts them on edge, to be honest, and it makes them drop the topic. he'll even occasionally take breaks, enjoying a drawn-out lunch with nahida and even deciding to indulge the traveler a bit and walk with them through the city. but the moment he finishes all of his tasks for the day, he's going after you. you've had enough freedom today, and he wants you back at his side. it's where you belong, after all. he won't lie, it's exciting, searching for you like this. he wonders if you know whether or not he's after you. maybe you've been looking over your shoulder the entire day, wondering if he'll be right behind you. the thought alone fills him with an almost gleeful joy. and when he does find you, he's not wasting a single second before grabbing you, lips twitching upwards slightly at the startled shout you let out. "did you have fun?" he'll ask, though it would be hard to tell if he wanted a serious answer or not. he doesn't really care, in all honesty. you're back in his arms, right where you belong. his prized possession.

[munsonkitten]

Steve hovers.

Eddie doesn’t really blame him. Not after what happened last time.

He doesn’t trust himself either, not really.

So Steve hovers in Eddie’s space while they assemble their weapons. Eddie’s on Molotov duty this time around, pouring kerosene into glass bottles that Steve holds steady. He took over Robin’s task with one look between her and Steve, and one clap on Eddie’s shoulder accompanied by a ‘you’re with me, Munson.’ Robin’s over with Nancy and Max now, counting ammo and loading guns.

Steve follows Eddie when he says he has to go take a leak, following him through Hopper’s new front door and down the hall to the bathroom. He follows Eddie just about everywhere these days, never letting him out of his sight.

It’s a bit annoying, the complete lack of privacy. Well, not complete, as Steve stands on the other side of the closed door, but still not much either. It feels like Steve can hear his every breath, every shuffle of his feet against the linoleum floor.

He pulls down his jeans, sits down on the cold porcelain seat and drops his face into his hands. His hair falls forward, and he knows he should find a hair tie to pull it back at some point, but he hasn’t done that yet. He doesn’t want to think about the looming battle. He doesn’t want to get ready for it.

“You know,” Steve says when Eddie comes back out of the bathroom. “No one would blame you if you just hightailed it out of Hawkins. If you go find Wayne and keep him safe, you know.”

“What, and leave you all behind? I’d be the asshole of the century, Harrington,” Eddie mutters, wiping his hands on his pants.

“Eddie, you almost—”

“I know, Steve,” Eddie snaps. “I know. I almost fucking died last time. Okay, but what? I should just run while all my friends are dying here? Because that’s what’s gonna happen, you know that, right? We’re all going to fucking die, and I’m just supposed to, what? Be completely alone after you all do and I don’t?”

Steve doesn’t say anything, just crosses his arm over his chest, and shrugs.

“Say I should leave again and I’ll kill you myself,” Eddie says, pushing past Steve with enough force to push him into the wall.

Then he stops, shakes his head, and turns. Steve’s still standing there with his arms crossed protectively over his body. There’s a quickly masked hurt expression on his face when Eddie first looks at him, and his heart breaks in two. He shouldn’t be fighting with Steve, not when he’s just trying to save him.

He sees it on his face, clear as day, that Steve doesn’t want to have to carry Eddie’s lifeless body out of the Upside Down again. Especially not now when they’ve had a year to get close and become friends. When Steve spent weeks after that first time trying to nurse Eddie back to health, hidden away in his big empty house, keeping Eddie a secret from the outside world, all while learning secrets about Eddie in the process.

They’ve become close, and Eddie shouldn’t be fighting with him when this could be their last day on earth.

“I shouldn’t have said that,” Eddie says. “I didn’t — I don’t mean that. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Probably not,” Steve agrees. “But it’s okay that you did. I won’t mention it again.”

“Really, I’m — I’m sorry, man,” Eddie says. “I don’t know what got into me.”

“You’re stressed out, man,” Steve says, like it’s so simple, like it excuses what Eddie just said to him. “Once I told Henderson I was gonna knock his teeth into his skull. Shit happens.”

Eddie covers his face with his hands and takes a breath. He’s not a violent person, but he is stressed. He doesn’t think he’s ever had very many good outlets for his feelings other than music, but he hasn’t been able to listen to the stuff he wants to at the volume he prefers the last few days, not with everyone congregating in one place, cooped up in Hopper’s new house. He doesn’t have his guitar, doesn’t even have a notebook to write lyrics into.

Everyone’s a little bit snappish. Everyone’s scared. They’ve all said things they don’t mean, turned around and hugged it out with tears in their eyes. He saw it happen being El and Hopper earlier, saw it between Max and Mike yesterday. Even Nancy, always so calm and collected, yelled at Jonathan for moving her shoes.

Now it seems like it’s Steve and Eddie’s turn.

“C’mere, man,” Steve says softly, opening his arms up for Eddie.

Eddie falls into his embrace, lets Steve wrap himself around him.

It seems like, over the last year, they’ve both been finding reasons and excuses to touch each other. Eddie used to pretend there was something on Steve’s shirt just so he could run his fingers over his chest. Steve used to tell Eddie, long after his wounds healed, that he wanted to look at the scarring on his back to make sure everything was still looking okay. It would result in tender caresses that sent shivers down Eddie’s spine.

It’s never been stated. It’s never been acknowledged.

They never talk about the times Steve comes over and crashes in Eddie’s bed with him, pretending to accidentally fall asleep while they’re smoking together, as if Steve doesn’t put on his pajamas and curl up with his head on Eddie’s pillow each time. They never mention the wrestling, down on the ground with Eddie straddled over Steve’s stomach, never mentioning it when Steve flips him over and pins him down with his hands wrapped around Eddie’s wrists.

The hair washing, back when Eddie couldn’t reach above his head. The hair washing even long after Eddie could. The hands over foreheads checking for fevers, the hands spread over matching scars to make sure nothing’s gotten infected, the hand holding between them on the couch during scary movie scenes that don’t actually scare either of them.

“I’m sorry,” Eddie says again. “You’re my best friend.”

Steve squeezes him a bit tighter, presses his forehead to Eddie’s. They breathe each other’s air for a second before the front door slams open and they jump apart.

Someone walks through the house, out of their line of sight. Eddie doesn’t know who it is, or where they’re going, but he grabs Steve’s hand and pulls him into the bathroom. He doesn’t want to be seen, not with tears streaming down his cheeks and his hands shaking the way they are.

He wants to be alone with Steve for just a little while longer.

All this hovering and Eddie still can’t get enough of him.

They sit down with their backs against the side of the bathtub, arms brushing between them. Eddie reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

“You’re covered in kerosene, dude,” Steve says, shifting a few inches away from him.

“I washed my hands,” Eddie says around the cigarette in his mouth. He lights it, giving Steve a look that says see? It’s fine when he doesn’t go up in flames.

They sit there for a few seconds before Steve snatches the cigarette out of his fingers.

“I thought you quit,” Eddie says, just like he says every time Steve does this.

“I told you,” Steve says, bringing it to his mouth. “I only smoke when I’m with you.”

“You’re always with me,” Eddie shoots back.

The smile Steve gives in return makes Eddie want to kiss him right here. They don’t do that, though. Eddie… Eddie’s never done that. Never kissed anyone, even though a year ago he said he’d do all the things he wants to do before he dies again. He told himself he wouldn’t die a virgin again, and he laughs to himself now at the memory.

It’s not like he cares about the concept of virginity, or anything. It’s a social construct, and all that, but he’d be a fucking liar if he said he didn’t want to have some kind of sex with someone at some point.

“What’s funny?” Steve asks.

“Not funny, just… You know, it’s like… The last time I almost died, I thought to myself, great, I’m about to die a twenty year old, never-been-kissed virgin, with no high school diploma, and all I’ve ever amounted to in my life is shredding Master of Puppets in hell. Told myself I’d fix all that before I die again.”

Eddie sighs, takes the cigarette back from Steve and brings it to his lips.

“And the only thing that has changed,” Eddie continues as he blows smoke out of his mouth. “Is that I’m twenty-one now instead.”

“Well,” Steve says slowly. “I can’t fix the high school diploma or the whole amounting to anything part of it. But…”

Eddie holds his breath. There’s no way Steve’s about to say it. There’s no way they’re finally going to acknowledge that something is going on between them.

“But,” Eddie repeats. Prompts. Says it so Steve knows he can keep going, that he doesn’t need to be afraid.

“But I could fix the never-been-kissed part. If you wanted me to,” Steve says. “And, um, the rest of it.”

“The rest of it,” Eddie says slowly.

“If you wanted,” Steve says again. He shrugs, looking down at his hands in his lap. “I… If not, that’s — it’s fine. I just thought, you know.”

“Yeah,” Eddie whispers. “I know.”

Silence stretches between them for a few minutes while they finish the cigarette. Eddie drops the butt into the toilet and flushes it. Wayne always gets on him for doing that at home, but what Hopper doesn’t know won’t hurt in the next twelve hours before they all die.

“Fuck it,” Eddie says. He pushes to his feet and offers a hand to Steve. “Let’s go on a supply run.”

“A supply—” Steve starts, confused. He looks at Eddie, the look that Eddie is giving him, the words he’s not saying, as he takes Steve’s hand and pulls him up. Understanding dons on Steve’s face, and then he smirks. “Oh. A supply run. Got it. You… you’re sure?”

Eddie shrugs. “As I’ll ever be.”

Read the rest on AO3

[adorabluesposts]

Hi!!

I loved your Lucifer x death story and I was wondering if you’d write a Lucifer x Reader but they are Alastors daughter who he kept sheltered? Like they are innocent and such but they were hellborn so they can’t leave. I feel like Lucifer would definitely pine over somebody so maybe him trying to get her to realize he likes her while Alastor keeps him away?

Tysm for being my first request<3 love this idea!!

This is realllyyyy long because I had to give in a lot of context before getting to the point. Might turn this into a series just because this is too fricking long 😭

Lucifer X Alastor's daughter.

"You dare to touch my daughter?"

For the longest time, you were locked away.

Locked away by Alastor, a man who raised you with a certain paranoia, keeping a happy mask on as he taught you manners in his Radio Tower, never letting you leave.

Alastor had raised you in seclusion, shielding you from the brutality of Hell’s politics and power struggles. You knew nothing of the outside world, your knowledge confined to the ancient tomes in the tower's private library. You pretty much devoured tales of angels and demons, of forbidden love and cosmic battles. But your favorite stories were those of your father—the radio demon who had once terrorized the living world, because it amazed you; Your father was never like that with you.

Even aunt Rosie would often tell of shenanigans Alastor did, which surprised you at first. You were truly in denial, of how your father could do such things. You got used to it, even coming at peace with knowing you'll probably never be like him.

There wasn't much interaction that you did- only talking to your father and his shadows, Rosie (who was very much your favourite person in the world) and some of the Overlord's, every now and then.

It was mostly you, all alone in the tower. All alone. Lonely. Bored. All alone. Bored. For decades. Eons. You lost count, seriously.

--

"Dad." You munched down your pancake, Alastor looking up from the mirror hung on the wall , even though he was supposed to fix his tie. "We need to talk."

"Could this wait, deer?" He replied, turning back to the mirror. "I'm late to my job."

Ah, yes, his job. The job you never asked about, because every time you wanted to, he'd shoot you a glare.

"No, I can't wait." You said, getting up from your seat and walking over to him, fixing his tie. "Dad, this is important. My birthday's soon.. and I'm positive I'm old enough to go outside. I've read so much about Hell that I know enough about it. I've even made a slideshow if you don't believe me!"

Alastor looked at you with an angrier expression. "My deer, we talked about this-"

"You can't keep me here anymore. You're not keeping me safe, you're ruining me."

Alastor sighed deeply.

"it's not fair, dad."

"it really isn't." He agreed.

Reluctantly, and with a lot of talking, you got him to agree. As long as you stayed by his side for a while, you'd be able to go out. You needed to sign a contract, though (father's orders), to swear that you'd try to stay safe.

"But how will I stay by your side if I can't accompany you to work? What is your job, anyway? Considering you're not working for the radio anymore." You asked, and he stayed silent for a few minutes. It was clear this was a big step, and he wasn't so happy about letting his little dove grow up.

"I work at a hotel." He sighed. "Do your research, darling. I'll tell my coworkers you'll be paying a visit."

"paying a visit? Does that mean I get to go there alone?" You eagerly asked.

"Oh, nonononono, I'm picking you up."

--

"You've got a WHAT?" The energetic voice of the blonde asked, jumping up and down.

"who knew smiles had it in him-" Angel earned a 'be quiet' glare.

"They'll be visiting today.. just don't get weird." Alastor's static buzzed lpudly. "I've been keeping them safe for as long as they lived. Their poor mind doesn't know how this all works."

"so they're a good person?" Vaggie asked, accompanied by Charlie's: "Does that mean we can get them redeemed?"

"Hahaha!" Alastor laughed. "They're a hellborn. And never in my mind mind would I let them leave my side and go to Heaven, even if they weren't."

"Did you know about this?" Husk's clearly too-sober voice asked Nifty, to which the girl just shook her head.

--

You nervously fidgeted with your hands as you awaited your dad's arrival. You were dressed nicely, wanting to make a good impression. What if your dad's friends were mean? Cruel? Evil? What if they didn't like you?

~

"Some of them are a bit odd." Alastor buzzed, his hand on the doorknob of the hotel. "You'll get used to it, deer."

You breathed in and out, calming your nerves as you walked in. "Woah, this place's not so b-"

"Hii, I'm Charlie, welcome to the Hazbin Hotel!" A girl eagerly ran up to you, shaking your hand with excitement. "I was soo excited to meet you! You need to see the others! I need to make a tour!"

You were pretty confused and feeling many feelings about the first interaction, but thought Charlie would be a fun person to befriend anyway.

"Hi, I'm Vaggie." A girl next to her said, softly taking Charlie's hand from yours, which you silently thanked her for. "I'm Charlie's girlfriend."

You smiled. "Nice to meet you both."

"That's Husk, he owns the bar." Vaggie said with a calm voice, pointing to the creature who grunted at you.

"that's Nifty, she cleans." Vaggie continued, her girlfriend jumping up and down in excitement next to her.

"And that's Angel Dust, our first resident. Sir Pentious was our second resident." Vaggie said, her voice followed by the 'Heya toots' the spider said.

--

"Will you be staying? We'd love to have you. You're so nice I love you already!" Charlie said, after a successful tour. You lost your dad long ago, seeming as if he's gone to do his own business (you pretended to ignore how his shadow replaced yours in the meantime).

"It wouldn't be too bad." You said. "I could get a bit of a break from my dad for once."

"Uhh, speaking of dads." Angel poked his head in the room. "Charlie, your dad's at the door."

Charlie nervously looked at Angel. "Oh, that's great.. what does he want?"

"He said he wanted to revisit without Alastor, since word is he's out of town."

"my dad's out of town? Great!" You silently mumbled.

"Oh, well, I guess it's time you meet my dad, aha." Charlie told you, and you raised an eyebrow. "Who is your dad?"

A short figure walked into the room, eagerly hugging Charlie. He looked so much like her, ignoring the height difference.

"Oh my." You whispered, recognising the face from the books. "Your dad's-"

"Oh, hello." The man smiled at you, looking you up and down, "I'm Lucifer, The-"

"King of Hell, yeah, I know. Oh my Satan."

An awkward pause followed. Silence. More silence. Him looking you up and then down again, making you fix your posture.

"Well, ha! Dad, why don't I show you some new things we added to the living room?" Charlie practically dragged Lucifer out.

--

Your mind instantly lingered on the king for the next few days. It was no surprise why he was the most beautiful man in the world, truly gorge- snap out of it.

"Deer, I've been talking to you!" Alastor set his cup down. "Why aren't you listening?"

"Oh, sorry. I was zoned out." You excused, and his static buzzed louder.

"Strange. You're never like this." He sighed. "I knew I shouldn't have let you out."

His serene smile practically stared at you.

"No, dad, I mean-" You laughed nervously. "I just really miss the hotel, dad. It's really nice."

Excuses. More and more excuses every time you zoned out. Every day. And then he'd take you with him to the hotel, and you'd silently pray that Lucifer would be there. He never was.

--

"A party?" You questioned Charlie. Apparently, the princess wanted to throw a party to spread awareness and information about the Hazbin Hotel- people would come and have fun, Charlie and the crew would explain the deed, and we'd get more visitors.

If you ask me, Charlie's got the IQ.

"And you think I should come?" She nodded as an answer.

Your dad stood next to you, a protective aura lingering over his body. "I think it's a lovely idea, Charlie!" His static buzzed.

You looked at him, eyes widened. "You do?"

"we'll surely attend, Y/N." He smiled. "Would be good for you."

You shuddered. This was so unlike him.

"I don't have what to-"

"I'll help with that!"

"I don't know how to dance, either. And I'm socially awkward-"

"You'll be fine, come on!"

--

You looked at your clothes nervously. You looked good, better than ever, but what would others think? According to Charlie, a bunch of royalty would come (including Lucifer, the Ars Goetia.. Lucifer!!)

And all you could whisper out was fuck, because you were so nervous.

Charlie knocked at your door (technically her door, as you got ready in her room- the party started hours ago. It was the anxiety that made you stay), and practically begged for you to finally go.

You and her linked arms, to which you entered the main lounge area, where you saw people. So many people. And your anxiety rose.

You gave your best smile as she introduced you to a few people, such as Stolas of Ars Goetia (who you thought was very polite and nice, even through his sad smile), and a few of the Sins. Beelzebub was someone else you met, who instantly brought a grin and laugh to your face.

It was all gone when you caught Lucifer's gaze, and you both walked towards eachother. It was the second interaction you two would have- a chance to make a better impression.

"Oh, wow, you look dashing tonight." He said as he bowed to you.

That's right, he bowed. You internally screamed.

"You look quite wonderful, too." You said, and he rose up with a smile. He took your hand, your fingers brushing softly with eachother as he kissed it.

The music went silent, overshadowed by loud static. Everyone looked around confused as the room glowed red, and your father appeared behind Lucifer.

"You dare touch my daughter?" He growled. You could feel his anger and protectiveness in your gut. You sent him a reassuring smile and glance, to which he stopped towering over Lucifer, the music blasting again.

Everything back to normal.

Lucifer and Alastor exchanged a glare of pure hatred.

Shit, was Lucifer messing with you just to fuck with your dad? It was working, then. Alastor was beyond furious.

You looked into Lucifer's eyes and couldn't help but smile. It was like a spell. You were frightened, that you'd fall in love now, even though he was quite literally using you to get under your father's skin..

To be continued..

Okay that's it folks. This took a lot to upload but I've started the next part and ahhh I love itt. This is a bit rushed but I hope you like it so far :)).

[thebigbadbatswife]

Wonderstruck

Pairing(s): Diana of Themyscira x F!Reader

Summary - Bruce introduces you, his oldest friend, to the one superhero friend of his that you haven’t met yet.

Warnings - First meetings. Reader has social anxiety. Fluff. Humour.

Word Count - 1.5k

“Are you sure about this, Bruce?” you ask, looking yourself over in the mirror, frowning. You’re still unsure about the outfit you have picked out for the party tonight. “It’s been forever since I’ve been to one of these things.”

Bruce chuckles and gently pulls you away from the mirror, turning you to face him. “You look great and keep in mind this isn’t a fancy party filled with upper class dickheads. Just friends and family.” 

You know that he’s right. This is supposed to be a more laid back type of party. Even his outfit is laidback. A black shirt and slacks instead of the usually suit and tie. It hasn’t stopped you from working yourself up though. Your palms are sweaty and your heart is thumping hard against your ribcage. Already your mind has conjured up and played out a bunch of scenarios. Each one going worse than the last one. It’s more than enough to make you feel like running back to the safety of your room.

Being one of your oldest friends, and therefore knowing you the best, Bruce can see every little sign of your anxiety building up and threatening to consume you. The rough feeling of his calloused thumb against your cheek helps with grounding you. 

“Breathe,” he reminds you. “Everything will be fine. You do know most of them.”

“Except for the one you seem most excited for me to meet,” you reply. 

“I just think that the two of you will hit if off,” he shrugs. 

“So you’re playing matchmaker now? What, did you get bored of your cowl?”

“Everyone needs a hobby.” He links his arm with yours and begins to lead you toward the manor’s garden, where everyone else is. “Besides, if you really do start to panic you know that either I or Selina will step in and whisk you away to a quiet room.”

“I know and I’m so grateful to the both of you for that.”

Since your diagnosis, the both of them have gone above and beyond to make sure that you feel safe and supported whilst you seek help and figure out how to manage it. Even being miles away from them, you haven’t been left to feel like you’re all alone. You don’t think you’ll ever be able to repay them for all everything they’ve done for you.

Before you know it, you and Bruce have reached the doors to the garden. They’re wide open, letting the summer air into the manor and you could easily hear the conversations going on. Taking a deep breath, you let him lead you outside. 

He’s right. You do recognise almost everyone and they recognize you, despite the fact that it’s been a few years since you last saw any of them. Barry gives you a toothy grin and waves while the rest take a more reserved approach. A smile here or a small gesture of their hand or head there. Doing their best to not overwhelm you. 

“I’m glad you decided to come,” Selina says as she pulls you away from Bruce and into a hug. You hug her back. Thankful to see your other old friend after so long.

“It’s good to see you, Selina.” 

She smiles at you as she pulls away. “Diana’s over there.”

“Thank you,” Bruce tells her. He leans in close and presses a kiss to her lips. You’re glad that the two of them finally stopped dancing around their feelings and actually got together. They deserve to be happy. Though that very thing is probably why Bruce is playing matchmaker with you right now. He wants you to be happy as well. Like he is.

While you have never met Diana, you have seen her on the tv and the web. Various news reports and footage that spreads across the internet every time that the Justice League stops some alien invasion or super villain attempting to take control of the world, again. In truth, you’ve always had a bit of a crush on her. Thing is you never thought anything would ever come of it until Bruce decided to start introducing you to aspects of his superhero life. Though, now that you think about it, you probably should have suspected something a month ago when he kept bringing her up. 

“Diana. This is…” Bruce introduces you to her. You feel your mouth go dry. She’s even more stunning in real life. Long black hair, the ends dip dyed blue, a red tank, blue jeans and her silver bracelets.

“Hi,” you just about manage, hating how pathetic you must sound. All you want is for the ground to open up and swallow you whole. At the same time, you know now that running away from everything constantly isn’t a way to live.

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” she says. “Bruce has told me a lot about you.” 

“Same here,” you reply. 

You both side eye Bruce, who’s doing his best to act completely innocent, like he hasn’t been planning this meeting for ages, but his act is completely transparent. Before either you or Diana can say something, there’s a loud crash. You all turn to where his two eldest sons are suppose to be helping Alfred with setting up the grill, but only seem to be making an absolute mess of it. A long, drawn out and tired sounding sigh leaves Bruce as he pinches the bridge of his nose.

“If you’ll excuse me.” 

You and Diana both chuckle as he walks away and both of his sons scatter when they seem him approaching. 

“So, Bruce is playing matchmaker now,” she says, drawing your attention back to her.

“Apparently. He’s happy so everyone else has to be as well. Which is better then him making everyone else miserable.” 

She nods in agreement. 

With the ice now broken, the conversation between the two of you flows easily. Bit by bit your anxiety slowly starts to dissipate and you are not over analysing every last thing that you say. Diana is completely intrigued by your job as a wildlife photographer and the various situations you have managed to get yourself into during your job. From close encounters with the very animals you’re photographing to poachers and trophy hunters. The mention of the latter two visibly angers her and you share her sentiment. They had not been fun encounters at all.

“And you got out of those situations unscathed?” she asks. 

“Mostly. Selina taught me how to defend myself while we were growing up on the streets,” you reply.

“And the men who attacked you? What happened to them?”

“Most of them are behind bars–” you gesture toward where Bruce and Selina are–“Their handiwork as soon as they found out what happened. They’re now trying to forbid me from travelling to the Amazon Rainforest because of it.”

“What if I was to come with you?”

Her offer takes you completely by surprise. You have only just met each other and she’s already offering to travel to a rainforest with you. A trip that’s bound to last a few weeks. 

“I’m sure that it would soothe any fears they have and it would be an opportunity for us to get to know each other without so many other people around,” she continues. “If you want me to join, of course. I don’t want to pressure you.”

“I mean, I’ve only ever gone with colleagues on these trips, but I think it could be a lot of fun if you came along. It would also stop Bruce from constantly blocking me from charting a flight.”

She nods. “It’s agreed then. We’ll go together.”

Afternoon quickly turns into evening and one by one the rest of the leaguers say their goodbyes and leave until it’s just you, Diana, Bruce and Selina. The four of you have long since come inside and have settled in one of the lounges. 

You decide that now is the perfect time to mention what you and her talked about earlier. As soon as you mention the rainforest you can see Bruce visible tense until you say that Diana has offered to come with you. He relaxes at that and even looks a little smug. Sometimes you could really deck him, but you would really rather not break your hand on his face again. 

“It was an absolutely pleasure to meet you,” Diana says. The two of you are standing outside of the manor to say your goodbyes. It’s got quite late and your social battery is so drained you’re ready to curl up in bed and never leave it ever again.

“Same here. I’m glad that Bruce managed to talk me into coming today.” 

“As am I. You’ll text me the details?”

“Yeah. ‘Course.”

You wave goodbye to her and watch until she reaches the end of the drive, then you’re turning away and heading back inside. Bruce is waiting for you, leaning against the bannister of the grand staircase, grinning.

“I told you the two of you would hit it off.” He sounds as smug as he looks.

“Oh, shut up.”

[linos-luna]

My Queen (Pt. 6) 🔪

Yandere!Hyunjin x Fem!Reader

(Pt. 5) (Pt. 6) (Last Part)

Warnings: Stockholm Syndrome, Yandere, delusions

—————————————————— 👑

"I'm so excited to see Jihyo today," you said happily as your boyfriend helped you change. His response was silent, unsure of what to say.

"It's been so long since I hung out with her," you added as Hyunjin slipped a sweater over you.

"I hope she treats you well," he said quietly, kneeling to tie your laces.

"Oh, I know she will."

"We'll be away from the castle; I'll have to be on high alert."

"I know," you nodded.

"I wish to please you, but if it's unsafe, we have to leave."

You nodded again, watching him getting changed himself. He was stuck between the need to make you happy and the need to keep you safe.

"I just want you to be safe," he mumbled, a trace of anxiety in his voice.

"Yeah, I know—" you began.

"Outside—it's dangerous... don't take her away," Hyunjin snapped, he was looking elsewhere as if lost in his own worries.

"Jinnie—" you started.

"Don't take her away!" he snapped, holding his head, leaning against the wall, and sobbing quietly. "Don't take my Queen... don't leave me."

"Jinnie, don't worry," you reassured with a frown, attempting to reach for his arms. He kept them still against his head, groaning a bit.

"Are you okay?"

"Headache," he muttered.

"Do you want to take something?"

"Don't worry about me," he sighed, lowering his arms. "I-I'll get it."

You worried for Hyunjin—I mean apart from his delusion that you’re actually a queen and this was actually a castle. He gets these headaches often and seems to get really anxious on the rare times you go out.

In all honesty, you did too. The outside world just seems so scary. I mean, why would you need to go outside? Everything you could ever want or need is here.

"We don't have to be out for too long," you suggested, following him to the kitchen.

"No... you deserve to get what you want," he replied, looking down at you, holding your hand, and raising it to kiss. "My dear Queen, you're always so kind... this world doesn't deserve you."

~~~~~~~~ 👑

It was a little tense… to say the least.

Meeting up with your friend Jihyo at the local restaurant brought a mix of happiness and awkwardness. The place required ordering upfront, and a server would bring the food. As you waited, Hyunjin kept a cautious eye on Jihyo and your friend stared back.

“It’s been a while, y/n… we missed you.” She said, finally speaking up after some awkward silence.

“I missed you too Jihyo.” You responded. “Sorry I’ve been so busy.”

“With what?”

“With Jinnie of course.” You giggled. “He brought me back to the castle! Did you know we’re currently working on a garden? We started growing strawberries!”

“You don’t go out much. Why?”

“Well…”

“She had no reason to.” Hyunjin finished. “I serve her.”

“I just don’t understand—”

“Maybe we shouldn’t talk about that!” Hyunjin blurted out. “After all, it’s the queen’s birthday.”

Your friend was a little unnerved and confused. Did he just call you the queen?

“How’ve you been, Jihyo?” You asked sweetly.

“I’ve been fine…” she started before noticing your ring. “Wow that’s pretty. When did you get that?”

“A few weeks ago.” Hyunjin answered. “We will be getting married soon.”

You nodded as your boyfriend stood to go to the restroom. When he left, you leaned in close to talk to your friend.

“Jinnie doesn’t want anyone there but I think I’d want you at my wedding.”

“Just me? What about your parents?” She replied, a bit confused.

“Why would I do that?” You responded with a disgusted expression.

“… because they’re your parents?”

“I wouldn’t want to invite abusers.” You said bluntly. “My dad was so mean. Did you know he would beat me?”

“What?! No he didn’t!” Jihyo was taken aback, not sure where this was coming from. “Y/n, your parents love you! How are you not remember your childhood right??”

“I actually can’t remember too much. Jinnie says when you can’t remember your childhood, it means there was trauma.” You said with a shrug. “He says they were bad to me.”

“Well he lies.”

“No he doesn’t.” You frowned.

Jihyo sighed. What has he done to you??

“Y/n! He’s brainwashed you!” She snapped.

“He loves me, jihyo.” You said with a frown. “No one loves me like he does.”

“Y/n—”

“What’s going on?” Hyunjin came back, looking between the two of you with an annoyed expression.

“Nothing Jinnie.” You replied. “Just talking about the wedding. I want her there.”

“My love… are you sure?”

“Yeah I think she’s sure.” Your friend mumbled with her arms crossed.

Before anyone could say anything else, a server came over and dropped off the food.

She watched in confusion as he fed you. It was odd how you acted like it was completely normal. You’ve never been like that before.

“You know… she can feed herself…”

“Yes.” Hyunjin rolled his eyes. “But she prefers me to feed her.”

“Does she?”

“Yeah I do.” You said suddenly looking back at your boyfriend with a small giggle. “I love you, jinnie.”

The room fell silent as everyone ate. Hyunjin watched your friend closely, she was bothered by how you seemed so willing and submissive to him. She remembered when you used to be independent and handle yourself. Now, it felt like you were a different person, and she couldn't shake the frustration and resentment building inside her.

Jihyo thought about going to the police but figured it wouldn't help. You're an adult, after all. You just need to say you’re there willingly. Things got a bit weird when Hyunjin whispered something to you.

As you finished, you turned to Jihyo.

"I'm tired. Maybe I should go back to the castle for a nap."

"With no cake?" Jihyo asked, raising a brow.

"I'm full," you replied, looking at Hyunjin.

"Okay," Jihyo said, getting up. "Nice seeing you again, y/n."

"I'll text you the wedding details when we finalize it, okay?" you told her.

"I look forward to it," Jihyo nodded, and that was that.

~~~~~~ 👑

Once home, you were filled with excitement for opening your friend's gift. Sitting on the bed with Hyunjin, you quickly removed the tissue from the bag, revealing a plushie.

"It's so cute!" you cheered. "She always knows exactly what I like!"

"Cute like you, my darling," Hyunjin added, making you blush.

"Take your afternoon nap, my love," he suggested, patting the pillows. "I'll get your cake for later."

"Okay," you agreed as he kissed your forehead. As he left the room, you examined the plush; it’s an old teddy bear. It felt oddly familiar, like you've had it before, but you couldn’t figure out why…

~~~

After a nap, Hyunjin gently woke and guided you to the dining room, revealing a small cake with candles representing your age.

"What did you wish for, my love?" he inquired.

"I wished to stay in the castle with you forever!"

His happiness radiated as he heard your words. He always knew you were his queen, destined to be loved by him for all eternity.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 👑

I have a thing against finishing on even numbers(unless it’s 10) so last part coming soon.)

[pimosworld]

So Blue

Club Blue Jones x f!Reader Jake Lockley x f!Reader

This is a fic based on this post by @thedarkcoven and @melodygatesauthor

Summary- Jake comes to his cousin Blue’s aide in a time of need but finds something he needs much more.

CW-NSFW,18+ MDNI,Explicit, dub con,non con, Blue owns a Brothel and reader is a sex worker. Degrading comments,possessive Blue,possessive Jake, hints of yandere Jake, cursing, kissing, angst, innocence kink,fingering,oral sex female receiving, unprotected piv,anal,anal cream pie,dacryphilia,cum eating, orgasm denial,kidnapping.A hint of Steven and Marc if you squint.

WC-3k

A/N-Please do not read if this is not for you, this is a safe space to explore things outside of the normal world. If I forgot any tag warnings feel free to comment.

Not beta read

Your hands are shaking as you make your way down the hall to Blue’s office. You were only called into the office for two reasons, when Blue was feeling possessive and needed to let off some steam. He would bend you over his desk for what felt like hours, ramming his thick cock into you. Your screams of pleasure would echo down the hall for all his men to hear. 

  The other reason which usually resulted in the same outcome was that you’re in trouble. Each time brought a flutter of nerves and excitement, your brain can’t decide how to feel about Blue. He was so wrong and fucked up in so many ways, yet he could be so sweet when he wanted to. Keeping you right where he wanted, in limbo with your own body. 

  You stand in front of the door taking slow deep breaths as you smooth your hands down your barely there skirt and adjust your tie front crop top. Blue made you wear these clothes if you could call them that. You slowly open the door and you’re hit with a strong musky scent, like Blue’s but there’s something different there. You see the back of a man’s head seated in front of Blue’s desk, your heart slams in your chest at the thought of interrupting a meeting.

  So stupid you should have knocked 

  You’re turning on your heel faster than you can register. 

  “Where are you going sweetheart.” His voice stops you in your tracks and you turn to see Blue uncharacteristically smiling at you. He motions come here with his fingers and you’re at his side in an instant. He places a firm hand on the small of your back as he faces you towards the man in the chair. Your breath catches in your throat as you're met with venomous eyes and a grim expression. He’s staring at you but he’s looking at your eyes, something most men don’t do.

  You can smell it now the difference it’s fresh leather, his jacket and gloves in pristine condition. He definitely cares about his appearance, it seems just as much as Blue. Something about him was so familiar and you don’t even notice how long you’ve been staring at each other until a tight squeeze on your hip brings you back. 

  “This is my cousin Jake, he’s gonna be here for a few days to keep an eye on some things for me.”

  “Jake, this is my number one girl.” He smacks your ass eliciting a yelp from you and you can’t look at the man in front of you. Your face grows hot at the display he’s showing in front of this man who certainly peaked your curiosity. 

  “What’s your na-.”

  “Don’t worry about what her name is.” Blue bites out. Jake shoots him a look of warning and Blue holds his hands up in mock surrender.

  He’s not in control

  “Listen, her name is not important. If you need anything from her you ask me. Jake nods at him in understanding. 

  “Go get ready,you’ve got a busy night and I don’t want you keeping anyone waiting.” He slaps your ass again and you stifle a groan not wanting to deal with the aftermath of him hearing you. 

  “Yes sir.” Is all you manage as you round the desk.

  “Adiós Princesa.” He’s gonna be trouble. 

  ****

  “I need you to keep an eye on some high profile clients.” Blue lights his cigar and settles further into his chair. 

  “You’ve got muscle all over this place, what do you need me for?” Jake knows he’s not here by accident. 

  “They don’t have an eye like you…I think there’s some business going on under the table and I don’t want it going on in my club.”

  “Fair enough, I can only stay a few days.” Jake pulls his hat down nervously. 

  “A few days is all I need and you’ll be paid before you leave.”

  Jake stands to leave but hesitates just before the door.

  “How much for your number one girl?”

  Blue clenches his fist, digging his fingernails into his palm. He takes a steady calming breath and rolls his tense shoulders back. Jake was doing him a favor, but the thought of him having you still made him jealous. 

  “I’m not paying you enough for her.” He smirks to himself waiting for Jake's response.

  Jake is seeing red-does he know who I am? He knows he would never do anything to his cousin but it was hard keeping his cool when he always had such a smart mouth.

  “I have my own money hermaño.”

  Jake's insistence was pissing him off but he needed his help.

  “You can have her tomorrow night, she’s busy tonight.” 

  “For how lo-.”

  “I’ll decide how long.” He says through gritted teeth. 

  Jake exits the office with a noxious grin. I think I’ll decide.

  ****

  Blue told you to be ready for Jake. He was colder than normal and didn’t give you many details. You weren’t new to this but something about Jake made you nervous. 

  You knock lightly on his door and he immediately opens as if he was waiting on the other side. He beckons you in and turns you to face him.Your eyes trail down his bare chest and notice the bulge in his black boxers. He looks at you hungrily as he pulls the tie on your black silk robe letting it fall to the floor. You’re wearing matching blue lace lingerie underneath. 

  “I see you followed my instructions.” He grazes his thumb over your nipple sending a shiver down your spine. He leans in to kiss you but you pull away. You see that look in his eyes again and you’re trembling but they immediately soften into something sad. 

  “He doesn’t kiss you?” 

  “No sir.” He places a hand behind your neck pulling you into a bruising kiss, your lips melt into his as he moans into your mouth. He’s pushing you onto the bed without breaking the kiss as your tongues dance with one another. You feel like you’re floating from this intimacy. You feel the guilt creep up on someone other than Blue making you feel like this but you push it down not wanting to ruin this moment. 

  “I’m gonna make you feel good Princesa.” He’s breathless as he trails kisses along your jaw and down your body, he gently lifts your hips to slide your panties down and groans at the sight of your dripping folds. He licks a stripe through your entrance and circles your clit with his tongue. Soft whimpers leave your mouth as you grip the sheets beneath you.

  “He doesn’t take his time with you, does he?” He doesn’t give you time to answer as he inserts a finger into your slick cunt drawing quick circles around your clit with his thumb. 

  You slam your hand over your mouth to muffle the cries of pleasure. He quickly grabs your wrist with his other hand. 

  “I want to hear you, I want him to hear you.” Fuck

  He inserts another finger and fucks you at a fast pace, you don’t know how you’ll survive if his fingers stretch you like this. His tongue is on your sensitive nub and your breath hitches as he closes his lips down on your clit. He grinds his hips into the mattress for some friction where he desperately needs it. 

  “Oh..fuck…sir right there.” He chuckles lowly into your pussy and the vibrations could send you over the edge.

  “You can call me Jake.” He curls his fingers and presses down on your bundle of nerves. Your release slams through you leaving you sobbing his name as your whole body shakes. He’s kissing your thighs as you come back down and looking at you like you hold all the answers. 

  “Be a good girl and get on your hands and knees.”

  Your body moves faster than your brain wanted you to but you’re putty in his hands now. You can hear him shuffle behind you as he discards his boxers somewhere. You’re trying to calm your ragged breathing but his hot tongue devours your slick folds and circles your rim. His hands grip your waist before you collapse into the headboard.

  He grips the base of his cock slowly dragging it through your slit, you can feel his tip breach your entrance and you keen at the stretch. He’s rocking his hips back and forth and his thick cock can barely fit.Your pussy clenches down on him and he bites down on his bottom lip practically drawing blood. 

  “I need you to relax…just let me in and it will feel so much better.” He reaches around and his fingertips circle your swollen clit. He can feel you relax around him as he works your hips onto his length. He’s in awe watching your slick coat the base of his cock as he stretches your pussy to the brim. 

  “Tell me who's making you feel this good.” He’s panting behind you as he picks up his pace.

  “You Jake…fuck it feels so good.” All you can hear are the sounds of his hips meeting yours, the squelch of your cunt as his balls slap your clit over and over.

  “Can I put it anywhere?” He runs his thumb along your lesser used hole and all you can manage is a breathy yes. He pulls out of your entrance and spreads your ass wide with his calloused hands.

You feel a glob of spit on your rim causing your pussy to clench around nothing. He prods just the tip and you already feel so full, he churns his hips slowly and your body feels on fire. The sensation has never felt so good, no one has ever taken their time. 

  You can tell he’s coming apart as his groans grow deeper and his thrusts become erratic. The pain gives way to pleasure as he snaps his hips into yours, he’s filling you with each roll of his hips and you can’t hear your thoughts over the screams of his name. 

  “Who do you belong to?” He’s grunting behind you as he slams you down on his cock. 

  “You..I’m.yours.Jake.” Each word punctuated on a thrust. A wrecked sound tears out of his chest from deep within as his release slams through him. His hips slow as he empties himself inside you. He trails light kisses down your sweaty spine and pulls out of you with a hiss. 

  You collapse onto the bed and he pulls your back flush with his chest. You can hear him drifting off to sleep as he mutters under his breath. 

  “Not letting you go, never letting you go.” 

  ****

  You don’t know how long you’ve been asleep when you hear a rap on the door. You turn to see Jake fast asleep, you raise his arm from your waist and slink out of bed to not disturb him.

  As you place your robe back on you hear another frantic knock on the door. You hurry over to open it, not wasting time to find your panties. 

  “Times up sweetheart.” Blue’s eyes are bloodshot, his liner is smeared down his face and the anger in his expression isn’t one you’ve seen before. He grabs your arm and yanks you out of the room slamming the door behind you. His grip on you doesn’t loosen as he stalks down the hallway. You can hardly keep up with him as you trip over your feet.

  “He fuck you so stupid you can’t even walk.” He doesn’t bother to pick you up, practically dragging you down the hall to his office. You can feel the tears prickling behind your eyes. His office door is a welcome sight for your poor knees. 

  “Get up.” His pupils are blown wide as you stand on shaky legs to enter his office. He’s pacing back and forth, Blue’s never been like this. He wouldn’t kill you, would he? He asked you to go to Jake's room. He finally stops pacing and sits in his chair. You can only stare at the floor afraid to meet his gaze as you fidget with the hem of your robe. 

  “Come have a seat.” His voice has softened a little and you feel a brief moment of relief. You move towards the chair but hear the faint sound of his belt buckle, as you look up and meet his eyes you can see the resemblance- the venomous eyes. 

  “You know where I want you to sit.” You can feel the arousal between your legs mixed with the dried cum. His cock is red and angry leaking precum down his length. You move to stand in front of him facing away as he smooths his hands up and down your thighs. He smacks your thigh and you hover your entrance over his lap. 

  “Sit.” You cry out at the stretch as he pulls you flush against his hips giving you no time to adjust. 

  “Did you enjoy yourself?” How do you answer this?

  “No.” He slaps your pussy hard and you bite down on your tongue. 

  “Yes.” He growls in your ear and you can feel his cock pulse inside your walls. 

  “If you want to keep lying to me that’s fine, you’ll just have to make it up to me later.” He circles your clit with his fingertips and you clench around him. 

  “Who do you belong to?” You're weightless as he bounces you on his cock punching something deep inside you. 

  “You Blue…I belong to you.” He grips your hair pulling you back against his chest as he thrusts his hips up. 

  “Oh…tsk tsk I thought you were Jakes?” Was he listening? 

  “I’m so sorry Blue, I’m yours I’m all yours I swear.” You’re sobbing now as he picks up his pace, never releasing the grip on your hair. Your orgasm is approaching and you shouldn’t have this reaction to him but your body craves it. He’s the rehab and the drug all at once. 

  You’re thrust forward onto the desk and your grasping at anything for purchase as he fucks you at a relentless pace.

  “Oh my god…Blue please.” Your cunt swallows him with each thrust. He pulls out of you suddenly, coming with a choked sound as he pumps his cock with his fist. You can feel the hot ropes of cum on your back staining the black satin robe. You can hear his wrecked groans as he milks the last of himself into his hand. He leans forward onto your back holding his hand in front of your face. 

  “Clean it.” You lick the salty remnants of his spend from his hand, moaning and savoring the taste the way he likes. As he slumps back into his chair you feel your pussy ache at the lack of release. 

  “You can go sweetheart.” The whine that escapes you is not lost on him.

  “Maybe when you remember who you belong to you can come.” His menacing laugh echoes in your thoughts for the rest of the night.

  ****

  “Those clients you wanted me to watch, we're trying to poach some of your girls. I took care of them so you shouldn’t have any more problems.”

  Blue doesn’t really care what taking care of them means as long as the problem is resolved.

  “Good, feel free to stay one more night. I’ll send some girls to your room.” 

  “Thanks hermaño, I’ll be out of your hair tomorrow. Ugh no need to send any girls, I need my rest for the drive.” Jake stands to exit Blue’s office but hesitates once again at the door. 

  “How much for your girl?” Blue groans white knuckling his chair -not this again. 

  “It’ll be double for tonight, same rules as last time.” He relents not wanting to cause a rift and is grateful for Jake's help.

  “I mean how much to keep her…I want her.” 

  If Blue could spit fire he would. Who does he think he is? He would have anyone else killed for less than what Jakes got away with and now this? 

  Jake turns to face Blue and he’s seething, a long silence passes between the two men as he awaits his response.

  “I wouldn’t let you have her for all the money in the world...She’s mine” His voice is dark and barely above a whisper. His eyes narrow slits and he looks like a snake ready to strike.

  Jake walks towards his desk and Blue stands,both men on either side. He’s a wolf in the lion's den but he won’t back down. He leans forward placing his hands on the desk. 

  “People don’t say no to me Blue.” He laughs, the bastard laughs and for the first time Jake thinks he might be in trouble. Blue leans forward just inches away from Jake's face.

  “There’s a first time for everything…Goodnight Jake.” He doesn’t falter, their faces still inches apart and then his face splits into a sickly sweet grin sending a chill down Blue’s spine.

  “Goodnight.”

  ****

  Your head is pounding in your skull and your body feels in motion. You can’t tell if it’s day or night but you know you’re not in your room. The smell of leather permeates your senses and it hurts to open your eyes. Your face is wet from laying in a puddle of your own drool. 

  You lift your weak body up and come to the realization that you're in a car. The windows are tinted black and you can hardly see outside-its a limousine. You wipe the drool from your mouth and try to remember the night. After Blue made you leave you cleaned yourself up and went to bed.

Is that really all you remember? 

  Tears begin to spill as panic sets in, the bile coming up in your throat at the thought of being in a stranger's car. You start to crawl towards the front and your body is so weak, you’ve never felt like this before as you try to focus on the soft carpet beneath your palms. You knock lightly on the partition and it slowly lowers. 

  “Good morning hermosa, how’d you sleep?” Your breath catches in your throat at the site of Jake. His hat pulled down above his furrowed brow.

  “Please…take me back please. He’s going to be so mad.” You're crying and trying to catch your breath. All the while he’s laughing as his gloved hands tighten the grip on the steering wheel.

  “Don’t worry, you’re safe with me now.You’re safe with us now.”He raises the partition muffling your screams as you bang on it incessantly. You feel the exhaustion creeping in from your panic and you know no matter the outcome you were not safe.

Comments and reblogs are much appreciated

Tagging anyone that commented on the original post @thedarkcoven @simpforbritgents @fandxmslxt69

[jtargaryen18]

His Inheritance ~ Chapter 33 Preview

There's a lot going down in the next chapter.

"Aren't you afraid?" Nat asked you. "Of Barnes? You could have killed him at that little meeting in the park."

Yes, you were scared of Barnes. Very much so. But the only person you'd admitted that to was Yelena. Steve had overheard you but in your defense, you'd thought he was in a coma and couldn't hear you. You steeled yourself to answer her because you weren't going to let anyone else know just how worried about Barnes you were.

"Steve will keep me safe," you told her meaningfully. "He'll keep all of us safe. The day in the park? We intended to kill him that day. If I hadn't panicked at the last moment..."

From the window behind Steve's desk, you could see the cars arriving. The screen of your phone showed it was 3:35 PM. The meeting would start soon.

"You did so well," Yelena picked it up from there. "You should have seen her, Nat. He had no idea who was she until she wanted him to know. I'm not sure I could have done that."

"Bullshit," you said, smiling. "You would have done a better job. And you had to deal with him because I froze."

"It's my job to protect you," Yelena reminded you. "Not the other way around."

A light tap at the door got your attention. Clint was stationed outside the office, neither him or Nat would allow otherwise. His gaze met yours and he crooked a finger at you.

Walking around the desk, you went to the door, walking out when Clint motioned you. Clint walked into the office and closed the door, leaving you in the quiet of the hallway with your husband. 

Smiling, you let him pull you into his arms. Steve was healing but he wasn't back to full strength yet. Still, he felt more solid and alive in your arms now. The blood-red tie stood out against the polished silver suit he wore. The scent of his cologne, of him, invaded your senses, made you wish you could stay here a while. 

Easing back, your stretched up to kiss his mouth and Steve took you off guard. His kiss was searing, demanding. He took your breath away, his kiss seeking and lusty. You tasted the need of so many nights when you couldn't make love, when you didn't know if you'd lose him. Your own need was just as strong and you rotated your hips against him, feeling the heated hard ridge you were hoping for.

"Stop," he whispered against your lips. "You keep doing that and I'll fuck you right here in this hallway."

You grinned up at him. "How much time do we have?"

Steve smiled. "Don't tempt me."

"It's almost time," you told him. "You've got this."

"Yes, I do." Steve's entire demeanor backed up his words. "And once this meeting is over, we'll have a better idea of where we go from here."

"You'll tell me everything, right?"

"I promised, didn't I?" Steve brushed a kiss on your forehead, his gaze locking with yours. "Stay in the office with Belova and Nat. If Clint wants you to move, you do it with no question. You understand?"

"I do," you told him, trying to fight back your fear. Your entire world felt like it was balancing on a knife's edge and you just wanted it to be over. To move on.

Steve shook his head, chuckling. "I'm not used to you being so acquiescent. I could get used to this."

"Don't," you told him. "Because I'm not always going to be so easy to get along with."

"At least you're honest," Steve said. He stole one more kiss that had your heart hammering against his. Every part of you was in knots right now. From tension, fear, and desperate lust. When he broke the kiss, his breath and yours came fast. "Let me get through this meeting... I need you so much right now."

Just as much as you needed him.

"Just make sure you're up for it," you said. "I want you too, but I'm willing to wait if that's what's best for you."

"You are what's best for me," he said with feeling.

It was then you spotted a tiny spot of your lipstick, smudged on the collar of his pristine white shirt. "Shit," you muttered, reaching to see if you could get it off. 

Steve caught your hand. "Leave it," he said. "I want Barnes to see it."

[itslottiehere]

mors tua, vita mea — h.s

hello beautiful people 🤍 welcome back! i know, i know, it’s been a while, but i truly hope this story makes up for the lack of writing! i’ve had so much fun while writing this, and i hope you’ll like it as much as i do <3 please, let me know what you think! you can do so in your reblog, in your tags, or in my asks! if you enjoy the story, please consider reblogging! it really helps me and also make me want to keep going!! without further ado, happy reading! <3

— inspired by “getaway car” by taylor swift.

cw: angst, a bit of kissing, some swear words

word count: 6.5k

gif by @londonharry

masterlist | leave your feedback or requests here

—

the backstreet was dark, a few spots of light showing her the way to the car she hid before the heist took place. before chris could know that there was only one way that night could have ended, and that was with him locked up. 

she had been planning this for months now: their biggest heist, her biggest betrayal. 

she wasn’t sentimental about it at all, it was just pure business: she knew the cops were closing in on them, so she had to leave before shit hit the fan. simple as that. 

also, chris was becoming way too attached to her as it was, so it was really a two birds with one stone deal for her: she had always made it clear that their “relationship” was nothing more than work, but sometimes the nights in the safe house got boring and lonely, and the company was appreciated. 

still, a few nights of sex didn’t mean there were feelings involved or anything of that sort, and no matter how much chris said that he “got it”, she noticed the changes in his attitude, how protective of her he became, how his touch would linger for a second longer, how he would double and triple check with her if she got wounded, how he would always make sure she was safe before worrying about his own safety.

how he made it so easy for her to manipulate him.

the poor thing never saw it coming. the pink lenses of infatuation making him painfully oblivious to the fact that he was never gonna see her again. 

both her and the outside world, from her calculations: the cops would find plenty of evidence on him, in the safe house, that would tie him up with a pretty little bow and send him off to prison for god’s know how long, all the while making him the perfect scapegoat for her. 

she couldn’t know if chris would rat her out, — although she thought it not likely, given the lovesick puppy look he had ever since they slept together, — but even if he tried to, she made sure not to leave any trace of her identity in any document, in anything that had to do with any illegal activity. 

and even if she did, they wouldn’t have found her: the identity she used wasn’t hers, and she was gonna stop being the person chris knew as soon as she drove away, her new id card safely stored in the pocket of her jacket, the old one burnt to a crisp.

the soles of her shoes were scraping against the gravel, the ground wet from the light november rain, while she jogged to what would bring her into a new life, a new start. she had to get out of there, immediately. 

what she wasn’t expecting was a dark silhouette appearing on the other side of the alley, seemingly jogging towards her. 

fuck, fuck, fuck.

she was so sure she had locked the exit door on the back, so how did chris manage to get out? he would have had to figure out she was planning on framing him. 

if that was the case, this wasn’t gonna end well.

she opened up the door to her car, ready to bolt, when the unknown figure spoke slowly: “wait.”

that was not chris. the voice was deep, rough, and the way he pronounced just one single word made chills run through her body. 

or maybe that was just the adrenaline of it all, the fear of getting caught betraying her partner by said partner. 

“wait.” the figure spoke once more, getting closer to the car. “i need a lift.”

what the actual fuck? did he take her for an uber driver or something? 

she scoffed and got in the car, keys inside the ignition, ready to drive off.

which couldn’t be done since the tall figure decided to stand in the middle of the alley. 

she couldn’t really honk, not when the alarms inside the building were about to go off and the place was about to be stormed by cops. she had to leave, and if she had to run over him, then so be it.

she put her foot on the gas, put in the first gear and was very much convinced that the man would decide to move out of the way. 

but she had no such luck.

his hands hit the hood of her car, hard, while she pressed on the breaks with all her strength in order to not make him flat on the ground. 

so much for survival instincts, she thought.

“were you really about to run me over?” the man spoke — his figure now becoming clearer since he was nearer than before. a lazy smirk cut his face. “mmh. i like you.” 

and just like that he was opening the passenger’s door, seating down and buckling his seatbelt. 

she was utterly shocked, what the hell was going on, why was he- “who the fuck are you? and what the actual fuck do you think you’re doing in my car?”

the man chuckled lowly, casting two deep indents in his cheeks. “oh wow, they didn’t tell me the owl had such a filthy mouth.”

the name made her eyes go wide: the owl. working in the darkest hours of the night was her distinctive trait, hence the nickname she chose for herself while doing business. 

“‘m harry, by the way. don’t have a cool nickname like yours yet, but perhaps i should find one. what about the puma? what do you think?”

she scoffed, looking straight and finally driving away. “well, harry or the puma or whatever you wanna be called-”

“harry is just fine.”

“alright, harry, would you mind telling me why the fuck are you here?” her patience was wearing thin and she really didn’t want to lose any more time on this.

“oh right, sort of forgot to tell you, didn’t i? okay, well, my dear owl- hold up, don’t i get to know your name? i told you mine.” he turned his body to face her. 

judging by the deep frown of her eyebrows and how set her eyes were on the road in front of them, he assumed he wouldn’t get it that easily. 

“well, doesn’t matter for now. so, back to where i was: i have been checking you out for a while, saw your latest works and was very impressed. i’m in need of a partner, and from what i saw tonight, so do you.” he spoke, and in the far distance they could hear the police sirens and spot the blue and red lights: everything was about to go down.

harry coming to bother her on that particular night was really somewhat karmic, wasn’t it? she screwed over her partner, so fate had to bring an annoying man in her plans, once again. she cleared her throat, her tone dry.

“how did you know what i would do?”

harry turned once again towards the road. “i knew the police was closing in on you, so i thought that if you played your cards right you may have the chance to get away, and the better escape plan would have been to ditch your partner.” the man in her passenger seat stretched his legs, his arms raised up, his voice coming out a bit strained. “word on the street was that tonight something was going down, i thought to check it out to see if it was actually gonna be you. my lucky night, i’d say.”

harry had heard plenty about the owl’s operations and was extremely intrigued by her. the plans were intricate, but incredibly well thought out, and often went down without a hitch, and the chosen artworks to be stolen being invaluable masterpieces made it all the more admirable. he knew as soon as he saw one of her biggest heists go down so smoothly that he desperately wanted to be in business with her, so he began keeping tabs on her, which brought him in that alley, that precise night.

he didn’t expect to be so entranced to her. 

sure, he was in awe of her plans and the way she carried on her business, but he was struck by her. even more than her looks, it was the confidence she radiated from her stance, her set gaze, her clenched jaw, that was what drew him in immediately. 

he knew she was trouble, especially given her line of work. but it seemed like he couldn’t help himself to fall under her spell, and that was saying something, since she tried to run him over not even 20 minutes prior. 

oh, poor harry didn’t know what he was getting into.

she wasn’t dumb, nor blind: harry was a treat for the eyes, and obviously way more prepared than chris ever was. still to that day she couldn’t believe he didn’t see it coming, it was all so clear to her. she was sneaky, of course, but he must’ve had some clue, right? or well, she guessed that what people say is true: love makes you dumb. 

harry was another league, though. he kept track of her, which must’ve not been easy since she always took so many precautions to keep everything on the down low; he discovered her plan and also understood that the better route for her was to ditch her partner. 

he definitely had more experience than chris, and that could be an advantage: for once, she could have someone to bounce ideas off of, and since harry managed to find out her ironclad plans, it means that something wasn’t as hidden as she would’ve liked, and having him could help with that.

when she started her business, she swore that she had to be the one calling all the shots: being the perfectionist she is, she couldn’t relegate the responsibility of something so important like a heist to someone who wasn’t herself. she decided to get a partner — enter, chris — just because sometimes it was physically impossible to do it all on her own. that didn’t change the fact that he was merely a mean to an end, he had no voice whatsoever in planning anything, and not once had he complained about it, nor he had any reason to: the money was good, and once he even got to win her affection — or well, what he thought could’ve turned into something more — he was good with doing whatever she wanted.

she had the feeling it wasn’t gonna be like this with harry. 

or well, at least not that easy. 

“that was impressive, not going to lie. it mustn’t have been easy to keep track of my movements. so, bravo.” she spoke, her eyes quickly glancing towards him.

a smirk took place on harry’s face, the praise of such a pro stroking his ego. “it was, but very much worth it.” 

his voice was smooth like silk, and even the dumbest person walking on earth could’ve felt the flirty undertones of his words from miles away. 

she quickly thought about it, a new plan. a new, better plan.

“okay, pretty boy. if you can keep up, i can think about being partners. that is, if you prove worthy of my time.”

“deal.” he smiled, and again the dimples on his cheeks made an appearance. “pretty boy, huh? should that be my badass nickname?”

“still better than the puma.”

that night marked the beginning of a new era, four years of the most lucrative, crazy, exciting heists the both of them could have ever imagined.

and over the course of those years, the inevitable and not so unexpected happened: they fell for each other, and they fell hard.

endless night of planning, scheming, and building trust with each other turned them into real life bonnie and clyde, absolutely drunk on adrenaline and love. 

it was definitely not something she had planned, not something she had wanted either, but there was no denying chemistry: sometimes, things just happen, and you have no choice but to let them run their course.

harry was just as smitten: he was hooked from the beginning, and fought hard to win her over from day one. 

it started as a ‘business partners with benefits’ kind of deal, a way to ‘pass the time’, — at least for her, harry was already harboring feelings for the woman — but it bloomed into something more, somewhat organically. 

he still teased her that she became soft for him when he got injured during an escape: the rope attached to the top of the building didn’t hold up harry, who suffered a bad fall. his shoulder was dislocated, and she had to be the one who had to put it back in place, since hospitals weren’t really an option, and harry couldn’t ignore the look she held in her eyes, as if even just the thought of hurting him was physically hurting her.

he didn’t expect it, definitely not from someone like the infamous owl: she showed no remorse for her actions, no feelings for the first six months of them working together, and he made peace with the fact that that was just the way it was gonna be, but was pleasantly surprised when that revealed not to be the case. 

the world knew her as a scheming, logical woman, but harry had the privilege of being her soft spot.

he was always a pretty open guy, not scared of having big feelings or of falling in love. he had already felt it in the past, he just wasn’t prepared to experience how powerful it could feel with the right person: what he felt for her was something out of a novel, a perfect mixture of infatuation, almost obsession, adrenaline and maybe insanity, and it was so incredibly addicting.

the last heist was a perfect success, their biggest bag as a matter of fact. the artwork they managed to steal had taken months upon months of planning, but it all went down incredibly smoothly: 7 minutes, in and out, exactly like they had wanted. they were already far when the police arrived, harry behind the wheel, driving their getaway car.

with chris, she had never let him drive, ever: she had to be in control of everything, of every little aspect, probably because she never fully trusted him. but she did trust harry, wholeheartedly so. 

the drive to the dingy motel wasn’t too long, the night chill enveloping them thanks to the lack of a roof on their car. the adrenaline was running high still, and she couldn’t stop herself from leaning in and leaving a kiss on harry’s smiling lips, their grins quite too big to properly kiss each other. but it didn’t matter, the feeling was all the same, the rush quite impossible to describe to someone who never felt it.

harry disconnected their lips, not before leaving a quick peck once again, and looked back to the barely lit country road ahead of them. 

“very risky to distract me like that right now, sweetheart.”

“couldn’t help it, pretty boy. you’re just too damn good-looking.” she smiled at the nickname, and harry did too: it stuck ever since that first night, and harry definitely never complained. 

“c’mon, we’re almost at the motel.” harry’s hand took its rightful place on her left thigh, softly squeezing the flesh, awakening a storm of butterflies and inviting them to bat their wings in her stomach. she rested her hand on top of his, gently toying with his rings.

the motel neon sign was missing a few letters, its occupants nothing less than unsavory, but she didn’t care: she wasn’t one to be scared in the first place, much less with harry by her side.

once they got to their room, she locked the door and quickly found her back pressed into it, harry’s lips straight on hers. she knew what was coming, it happened every single time after a hit: the euphoria of a successful heist was a very powerful aphrodisiac.

harry’s lips pressed slowly against her own, he was in no hurry now. after he felt her body relaxing in his hold, he moved onto her neck, and smiled against her skin when he heard a shaky breath falling from her lips after he sucked lightly on the spot he knew would drive her crazy. 

her hand went immediately into his hair, tugging on the curls she loved to play with at every chance she got, while the other travelled down his torso, heading towards his belt.

knowing where she was going, harry detached his lips from her neck and looked at her: flushed cheeks, her eyes — his favorite feature of hers — slightly glazed over, her lips full and a raspberry colour. he smiled at the sight.

“sweetheart,” he murmured. “sweetheart, hey.”

“mmh?” she hummed, her hands roaming under his shirt, feeling the expanse of his tummy and chest, pressing her lips in the dip of his throat. 

harry hated to have to tear himself away from her and her touch, but a shower was in order, and also making her wait made the whole situation way more intriguing, her getting antsy waiting for him really did a number on him.

her forehead rested on his chest, a small whine falling from her lips when he felt him trying to move away from her, which made harry chuckle. he softly pressed a kiss to the top of her head, slowly walking backwards towards the restroom, but her arms refused to leave his body, so she was stumbling along with him, her cheek still smushed against his chest.

harry reached behind his back to untangle her arms from his waist, not without her protesting. he leaned in and planted a wet kiss on her cheek, murmuring a low “be right back”, before leaving the room.

she felt drunk, as she usually did whenever harry was in near proximity, but there was nothing she could do about it.

she laid down on the dingy bed, eagerly waiting for her lover to be back and, to kill the time, she decided to turn on the tv.

what she saw sobered her up real quick.

the news were reporting a robbery at a famous gallery, two figures with their dark hoodies up filmed from a camera at the end of the alley.

a camera both she and harry failed to notice.

they were lucky the camera was at the opposite end of the dark and unlit alley, and caught just a glimpse of their backs, but this wasn’t good. this was not supposed to happen. 

never, in all her years of planning, had she forgot to notice a camera, and the fact that this happened with their biggest heist made the blood drain from her face. 

she tried her hardest to lower her heart rate and to focus on what the newscaster was saying: two suspects, no faces identified, probably left by car, all the other cameras in the block were somehow off during the escape — somehow actually being the work of one of harry’s acquaintances — and the police had no leads for the moment.

all things considered, it wasn’t bad at all.

so why couldn’t she seem to catch her breath?

the bathroom door creaked open, a bit of steam filling the room. harry stepped out, a towel hanging on his lower half, his body glistening with little droplets of water, hair matted and still dripping a little. 

he had a dopey smile on his lips, which soon fell once he noticed that she wasn’t ogling at him as she usually would when he stepped out of a shower.

“hey,” he called out to her, “something wrong?”

she didn’t even notice that harry had walked back into the room, so she slightly jumped at the sound of his voice. her head quickly turned towards him, as she just as quickly turned the tv off.

“of course, yeah.” she smiled. “missed you.”

“could’ve joined me, you know?” he grinned, “never would refuse a beautiful lady like you.” he got closer to her and pressed his lips softly against hers.

she reciprocated the kiss, disconnecting it quite a bit earlier than harry would’ve liked, and murmured still close to his lips, “can we cuddle for a bit?”

harry’s hands cupped her cheeks, his thumbs slowly stroking the apples, “yeah, of course. want my shirt to sleep in?”

she excitedly nodded, staring at his back while he retrieved a shirt from his luggage.

sleep came quickly to harry, his arm holding her tightly against his chest, comforted by the feeling of having her safe in his arms.

she still couldn’t quite catch her breath.

.

harry woke up to an empty bed: the creamy rays of sun beamed through the worn blinds, rousing him awake. as he did every morning, he reached for her, looking forward to hooking his arm around her waist and feel her snuggle against his chest. but that day, his hand touched a cold piece of comforter instead of the warm, soft body of his girl.

his eyes opened immediately, trying to adapt to the light, his brows furrowed as he knuckled his eyes, trying to blink away the sleepiness. his slightly startled heart stopped once he saw her seated at the little desk the room provided, typing away on her computer, wrapped in his sweatshirt with her hair still damp from the shower she probably had just taken.

way too focused on adjusting the last details of the meetup with the buyer for that same night, she jumped when she felt two strong arms engulfing her.

“morning, love.” his morning voice was a gift straight from heaven, it never failed to make her feel warm and cozy. “don’t like it when i wake up without you.”

she could hear the pout on his face, and she smiled at the notion that he was so affected by her absence. “good morning, pretty boy. just had to take a shower and finalize the details for the drop off with the buyer tonight.” she turned around and looked at his still half closed eyes. she tilted her head up, puckering her lips a little, “kiss?”

harry didn’t miss a beat and laid his mouth on hers, moaning softly at the contact.

she hadn’t lied per se, she had to do all of what she said, but she also couldn’t stand lying awake in that bed for one more second: she had barely gotten any sleep the previous night, the video of them on the news flashing continuously in her mind. 

so she tried to focus on work, to get things right before they could go wrong. 

the day went by as usual, the two of them laying low, preparing for the meetup with this anonymous buyer. the sum of money this person was offering was definitely mind blowing, and there was no way they could turn it down. 

in the late afternoon, they left the motel to reach the location given to them: it was a rundown warehouse, obviously abandoned, and they were under strict orders to arrive at 8pm on the dot, to leave the car outside the main gate, and proceed by feet till they arrived to the container with the number 258: that was where they’d find an employee of the buyer. 

it was all routine, they almost never handled a deal with the buyer directly, and they understood the reason. she and harry never exchanged names as well, for safety reasons, or any other details, just informations about the drop. 

at 7:50pm, they were parked outside the warehouse. the chill of the desert air made the hair on her arms stand, a shiver running down her spine. 

“cold?” harry asked, after he noticed her shudder. it wasn’t that cold at the moment for him, and it was probably gonna be worse once the sun was set all the way, but nonetheless he put his jacket on her shoulders, his big hands running up and down her upper arms to give her some warmth. 

she smiled at the gesture, and tilted her head up, “thank you.”

he reciprocated the smile and took her hand, in the other one holding the bag containing the stolen piece of art. “of course, darling. now let’s go, wanna be back in that motel bed as soon as possible,” he cheekily remarked.

they walked hand in hand till they found the container 258, and knocked three times, as instructed. the shutter was pulled up, a man dressed in a suit, who looked to be in his forties, appearing behind it.

“welcome, you must be the sellers. please, come in.” the unknown man spoke, and she and harry made their way inside.

harry laid the bag carefully on the table, beside a briefcase, previously set down.

“thank you, sir. as per your request by email, the-”

“actually,” harry interrupted, “you didn’t speak with me. she,” he pointed to the girl beside him, who had a stony expression, “is the head of the whole operation, so if you want to explain something to someone, you can do so with her.”

this was also something they were both used to, but that didn’t make it any less annoying. if only they knew they were actually talking to the owl, they’d probably kiss the her shoes.

the deal was over in 5 minutes, the majority of which was spent with the two of them counting the money, making sure every penny was in that briefcase. after confirming so, they barely said goodbye to that sexist prick, and went back to their car.

the drive to the motel was quiet, but not uncomfortably so: harry’s right hand took place on her left thigh as usual, while her arm was stretched behind his headrest, playing mindlessly with his curls, scratching his scalp lightly. 

“hey, pretty boy.” she called, a soft smile on her lips.

harry smirked at the nickname, he couldn’t help it, “yes?”

“i really love you,” she softly said, taking her hand away from his hair and moving it to stroke his cheekbone, “you know that?”

harry couldn’t help but feel his tummy warm up at her words, his cheeks getting a bit flushed. “i do know, darling, but thank you for the reminder.” he snickered, “i love you too.” he said, and took his right hand off her leg to grab her hand, planting a soft kiss to her palm, and to every knuckle. 

once they finally reached the motel, harry turned off the ignition and turned to face her. his hand took a hold of her jaw, and pressed a kiss against her pouty lips. she sighed into the kiss, a thing that drove harry absolutely crazy. 

“what if-” she tried to talk, but was quickly interrupted by harry kissing her again, “we go to the room to-” another kiss, “put down our things and-”, yet another kiss, “then we have a drink at the bar?” she put her hand on harry’s chest to push him a bit further, or else she wouldn’t be able to finish the sentence. “if i’m not mistaken it’s right by the reception. sounds good?”

harry nodded, and to seal his agreement he kissed her once again.

after making their way down from their room into the motel bar, they sat down at the counter, harry’s hand on her back while she climbed on the stool. 

the bar was definitely empty, just a couple of old men sat in the corner of the room, a deck of cards between them. 

“two old fashioned, please.” harry asked the man behind the counter.

it was a sort of a tradition, getting that drink after a deal: the first time they did a deal together, he was the one suggesting going for a drink, which she — surprisingly to him — did not turn down. once they reached the pub nearby, she ordered an old fashioned, and asked harry what he wanted, to which he answered “the same”, and it became a tradition ever since then.

“oh wait-” she said all of a sudden, which made harry turn his head towards her.

“oh i’m sorry, did you want something else?” he asked, unsure of even his question, since she had never ordered something else.

she quickly shook her head, “no no, don’t worry, i just realized i forgot my phone in our room.” she stood from the stool, “i’m gonna go get it and i’ll be right back, alright?” after she spoke, she left a lingering kiss on his cheek.

harry hummed and with a little smile, he playfully said, “be quick, i’m gonna miss you.”

she returned his smile, and opened the motel bar door, “i’m gonna miss you too, pretty boy.” 

.

harry didn’t think any of it after ten minutes, she probably got caught up on something online, or had to answer to an email right away and couldn’t wait.

he didn’t think any of it after twenty minutes, thinking she may have had a call to make and it was taking a bit longer than usual. he settled on shooting her a message, asking if she was fine. the message was left on delivered.

but after thirty minutes, he needed to check on her. what if she was sick and he was there waiting for her at the bar like an idiot? what if there was a problem and she needed his help, even if she would most likely never admit it?

he left some banknotes on the counter, and rushed his way upstairs.

once he stood in front of the door, his blood run cold: the door was ajar. 

something was wrong, very wrong.

carefully, he pushed the door, reaching for his pocket knife; once it was open, his eyes darted around the room, looking for something out of place.

the thing is, it wasn’t that something was out of place, it was that something was missing: her bag, her clothes, her laptop, herself, they were all missing. there was no trace of her, as if she had never been there.

“what-” he rushed in, the door left slightly open behind him. he hastily opened the bathroom door, checking if maybe she was there, but, alas, she was not.

“what the fuck is going on?” harry muttered to himself, so confused that he was sure that his movements weren’t even making sense. his head kept turning from side to side, trying to find something, anything to help him understand what was going on.

he was never one to panic, always been a pretty clearheaded guy in every situation he’s found himself in, but not when his girl was involved, and especially when he was totally in the dark about what had happened. 

his eyes finally zeroed in on a piece of paper on the desk.

of course, of course she’d be smart and leave him some sort of trace, so he could find her and get her back.

he stumbled on his steps, his legs wobbling as if made of jelly and with frantic fingers, he opened the piece of paper, which showed just four, short words.

mors tua, vita mea.

“wh-what, no-”, he rambled, shaking his head energetically, choosing not to believe the reality that was downing on him. “no, no, it can’t-” he kept chanting, over and over, but his rambling was cut short.

in his peripherals, he saw the red and blue lights bouncing off the dirty white walls of the motel room, the sound of the police car doors closing and of the steps of the officers coming up the stairs, but the sounds were almost muted, the shock making his ears ring.

the door was pushed open, three officers coming in first, guns blazing, while the others were surely waiting all around the motel, pointing their guns at him through the windows. 

“put your hands up! over your head!”

harry robotically obliged, not in control of his body anymore. 

“harry styles, you’re under arrest. you have the right to remain silent, anything you say…”.

he didn’t hear the rest of the miranda rights over the sound of the faith he had in her shattering, puncturing his lungs and making it hard to breathe.

—

18 months later.

“styles, you have a visitor.”

harry’s eyes opened at the voice of the guard, the ceiling of his cell staring back at him. those were words he didn’t get to hear often, only two other times, and both times it was always a nosy journalist wanting to write a story about a pretty successful art thief. he laid still, pondering whether to go or stay in his shoe box of a cell for the rest of the day.

“styles, get up. i don’t have all day.”

harry dragged his feet along the corridor, and once he arrived to the designated room, he headed towards the seat the officer pointed. once he sat down, he grabbed the black phone receiver, and didn’t even bother looking at the person standing in front of him, his eyes closed already in annoyance.

“look, if you’re another fucking journalist, i’m not gonna say a word to you, so you wasted your time coming here and i’m asking you to leave.”

the person in front of him hesitated, as he heard a shallow breathe on the other end of the receiver.

“hi, pretty boy.”

harry’s eyes had never opened so fast, and his heart skipped a beat. 

no, no, this wasn’t real, this was just his mind playing tricks on him: stupid, fucking horrible and cruel tricks.

the voice didn’t match the exterior: the person in front of him had another haircut, a whole other hair colour, the eyes — the feature he most loved about her — covered by large sunglasses. 

but he knew. he knew it was her: the way her lips were set in her natural pout, the shape of her face, the freckle she had at the right corner of her bottom lip. 

the way his heart was going out of his chest trying to reach for her.

he was supposed to hate her — and he did, he so did — but the way his nickname fell from her lips lit up something in him, something that no matter how much he wanted it to be dormant, it was still there. 

his brain could only manage to ask her the one question that nagged at him ever since that day.

“why.”

he stared at her through the glass, green tired eyes boring into her soul. she knew it was risky, showing up at a prison under yet another false identity, but she knew she couldn’t leave without saying goodbye one last time. one real last time.

so she swallowed harshly, and opened her mouth, keeping her answers short in order not to break down.

“think about the place where you first met me, harry.” she murmured, while his stony expression was staring back at her. “i had no other choice.”

harry chuckled darkly, a grin so deranged that she felt her blood run cold. this answer of hers opened the gate to all the hatred that had been boiling in him for 18 long months.

“that’s such bullshit, and you know it. you had a choice — you  fucking did — and you made it. you chose to tip-off the police, you chose to leave your name out of every document, you chose to use a fake identity with me as well, and make it impossible to track you; you chose to pack your bags and steal the car, you chose to leave me behind and letting me take the blame for it.” his voice was laced with venom. “i spent 18 fucking months in this cell, with just one question running through my mind, all day, all night, every day: why did you choose to do this to me.”

“harry, i told you, i had-”

“bullshit!” he screamed, a prominent vein on his neck, while smashing his fist against the plastic glass, over and over again. “you ruined my fucking life, and you have the gall to give me that as the reason why you did it? tell me the truth! tell me the fucking truth! you owe me at least that.” 

the volume of his voice and the violence he was hitting the glass with made her stand up and hang up the receiver, scrambling to get away from him before his actions brought too much attention on her as well. three officers had to come in to stop harry from smashing down the glass and jumping on the other side of the window, and had to drag him away whilst he was still fighting with all his strength, his legs kicking and arms flailing trying to be freed, his voice repeatedly shouting just one word, over and over: why.

nine days later, harry found himself moved to a facility of a higher security rank: his violent act during the visit wasn’t an isolated episode, and basically opened the door to a side of harry that he never knew. he never knew such anger in his life.

the guard guiding him stopped in front of the nth same looking cell. 

“bradford, your new roomie is here.” the guard sarcastically said, making harry want to punch his face in, but unable to do so because of the cuffs on his wrists.

the man laying in the bunk barely scoffed and glanced at harry while he was walking into his new “home”.

once the guard went away, bradford turned to harry and looked him up and down, then returned to stare at the ceiling. harry could perhaps even manage to put up with the guy, if he always kept this quiet, but he felt like at least an introduction was to be done, to be the least civil. “‘m harry, harry styles. and you are?” 

his new cellmate groaned softly while standing up, putting his legs down from the bunk.

“i’m bradford, chris bradford. and i know exactly who you are.”

harry was definitely dumbfounded, “what? how do you-?”

“your case was all over the news, even inmates got to know about it. but most of all, i know you because i’ve been you.”

harry’s confusion must’ve been displayed clearly on his face, because chris just scoffed and kept on talking.

“we’ve been framed by the same person." he murmured, "and we’re gonna take her down together.”

—

the latin phrase mors tua vita mea, of medieval origin, means “your death, my life” (or: “your death (is) my life”).

beyond the dramatic tone of the literal sense, this expression is used when within a competition or in the attempt to reach a goal there can be only one winner: the saying indicates that the failure of one is an indispensable prerequisite for the success of another.

—

taglist: @a-strange-familiar @stilesissaved @harrysonlylover @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @kittenhere @neverstaisfied

–

please, let me know what you think and please, please reblog! thank you so much for being here, it means the world <3 also, just a little fyi, there's no plan for a part 2!

[infernalodie]

Tara Carpenter X Male!Reader

So I had an idea. Basically R and Tara are dating and R has 2 personality's, one personality is the sweet caring and gentle boyfriend/brother/son/Friend. The other personality is the dark, twisted and psychotic man that no one knows about, not even himself( maybe one of his personalities is one of the past killers). Well he sort of has an idea that the killer is him, he realises something is wrong when he hears about a single killer walking around in a mask murdering people- when one day he wakes up with blood covering him.

He goes to the party with Tara, everyone's there. Halfway through he disappears and Tara notices, ghost face pops out and no one knows it's R having an episode. Everyone gangs up on ghost face and they are shocked to see R. But after saying his name, he doesn't respond, and says his name is (whoever you want). They knock him out because they realise something's wrong but they don't take him to the police they tie him up in the basement and sit around waiting for him to wake up. When he does it's R again but he keeps slipping between personalities, R is crying but the other personality is finding joy in the situation- R keeps apologising and the all try and calm him down. R slowly starts to understand what's going on and is just sobbing/begging for help. You can decide how it ends.

𝐒𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐌𝐞 || 𝐓𝐚𝐫𝐚 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫

"𝘞𝘩𝘰 𝘥𝘰 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦? 𝘏𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘭, 𝘮𝘺 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘢 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘓𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯"

Inspo: XXXTENTACION - Save Me NF - DRIFTING

Pairing: Tara Carpenter x Male!reader

Summary: A constant plea for a savour in a world as dark as you saw it...

Warnings: Split personality disorder, murder, angst, character death, and heavily described suicide.

Words: 3453

DNI IF YOU'RE YOUNGER THAN 18!

One breath.

It was sharp. Abrupt. Sudden. It made you shoot up and stumble back where your body met a door. Eyes flickering all around you and only finding the oddity of your surroundings being unfamiliar to you. The blue ceramic tiled walls, the rotting sink top, the cracked glass, and the toilet that was foul to your nose.

The longer you took in your surroundings, the more you became apparent of the blackout of memory you’d experienced. And the more you looked, the more fucked up you became by your set of circumstances.

Your eyes looked into the cracked reflection of yourself and found a crimson figure. It was you, covered in blood. Finally looking down at yourself, you choked on your breath. Blood covered you from the top of your head to the bottom of your shoes. The only saving grace was the leather gloves snuggly slipped over your hands. Your grey shirt was stained, denim jeans were splashed and smeared with the blood of someone or something that didn’t belong to you.

“On tonight’s breaking news, landowners, Marie Goldwin and her wife, Kassidy Limberg, were found murdered in their front yard tonight.” That announcement that came from the TV outside of the bathroom made you freeze. “So far, police haven’t been able to give a statement to the community.”

Opening the door, you stepped out into what seemed to be a motel at first glance. It was like every small, run-down motel that no one would go to. But the further you looked across the room, the more you quickly saw the large white tarp that was stapled to the walls and floor, and the thick plastic wrap covering the bed. Then you were able to spot the splash of blood that stuck out like a sore thumb.

“The police have set a curfew for the town until they can figure out what has happened and where to take the next step,” the news anchor added. “So, please, everyone, stay safe.”

“Ahhh, what the fuck?” You muttered, eye twitching as you quickly ran to the front door and locked it. Backing away as you run your hands through your hair. “I was in my car. I was driving to Tara’s and then I…” The ramblings falling from your lips faded as you looked back at the TV and shook your head. “No, I couldn’t have…”

It was dark out, so you might’ve just gotten here. In some weird faded memory that you had no knowledge of, maybe you went out of your way and murdered those two women. Maybe you had something to drink or took something that didn’t kick in until then. What fucking happened between 7 PM to now?

You took the time to have a shower and wash off every droplet of blood from your skin. The drain swept the crimson away and into the pipes that would hide away the first step of your contribution to a murder. But you wouldn’t accept this because you weren’t capable of this. This wasn’t you and everyone would know that. Yet, you couldn’t take any chances. You’ve watched YOU, and you know the steps that need to be taken. So, thank god there were cleaning chemicals under the sink and your vehicle parked out front.

So, doing what you could, you carefully folded up the tarp, placing your shirt in the center before quickly rushing it out and placing it in the bed of your truck. Hiding it behind the toolbox and spare tire before going back inside and taking bleach to everything. There was no way to be sure what you could’ve touched before you came to, so you took it to the carpet, bathroom, tv, the remote, door handles- everything! You couldn’t be too safe.

And it hurt you in a way to be doing this. The fact that you just wanted to run, but were covering your tracks. You felt more like the perpetrator than the innocent. So, in a way, you were helping in a murder that you didn’t commit. Unless you did, but you couldn’t have. Never in your life did you ever want to hurt someone in the way that those two landowners suffered. It must be a frame job and be placed on you, someone who was trying to get through school and love his girlfriend wholeheartedly.

Yet, here you were, rushing out of the motel with the room keys tight in your grasp as you slid into the driver's seat. Starting up the vehicle just as your eyes were drawn to four garbage bags in the passenger seat. Your jaw clenched, swallowing the lump in your throat as you hesitantly pulled the hem back to be greeted by two lifeless eyes and the foul stench of blood and rotting flesh. You gagged, pushing your truck door open and vomiting.

You could already tell this would be a long night.

“You okay?”

You lift your gaze from the streets that were slowly becoming the same the longer you drove. They flicker to Tara who sat in the passenger seat of your car, accommodating you to the party Amber was hosting.

“Yeah,” you dismiss forcefully.

Tara purses her lips, looking down at her hands. Dragging her nails gently across the back of her hand. “Are you sure?” She prods further, seeing if there is an opening that she might be able to expose.

“If you want to say something Tara, then do it,” you say softly as possible.

She lets out an exhale flow through her nose, shaking her head. “You just have seemed… off,” she mutters. “Is it anything you want to talk about?”

It took almost all your willpower to not make it apparent that there was something very clearly bothering you. Ever since the death of the landowners and you waking up in that Motel, things in Woodsboro had been growing tenser and unpredictable. Killings were now happening every few weeks and the bodies were continuing to add up to a small hill. Police were doing patrols around town and there were rumours of FBI agents starting to catch word of the massacre going on in the small town.

So, to say you were bothered would be an understatement. And with how frequent these blackouts had started becoming, you were beginning to suspect the worse of yourself.

“Nothing that you need to worry about.” You smiled, reaching over and grasping one of her hands, squeezing tenderly. It gave you the chance to see Tara smile, seemingly dropping the conversation and allowing her to soak up the warmth of your calloused hand.

The party was going strong by the time you and Tara arrived. Each step out away from the safety of your vehicle made the sound of music and the flashing lights of the windows grow brighter. And when you stepped inside, you instantly regretted leaving your house.

A harsh wave of heat hit your face. Music blasting at full max blinds your senses and the flashing lights discombobulate your vision. You couldn’t help yourself when you harshly rubbed your eyes, hoping that the dark lighting and sudden flashes would be something you became adjusted to.

Tara’s hand met your forearm, shaking you from the daze of the party you didn’t even want to attend. Her lips barely grazed the shell of your ear as she asked, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” You nodded, smiling. Pulling the back hem of your pants and sighing as you leaned down to her ear. “I just need the bathroom really quick.”

She nodded, pressing a kiss to your cheek, her touch lingering for a moment before she parted from your side when seeing Chad and Amber. You exhaled heavily, forcing yourself up the steps and toward the upstairs bathroom. Feeling that all too familiar flicker of your vision deviating. The strength in your body is slowly being extracted just as you reach the top of the stairs. And once you reach that bathroom door, stumbling inside with the darkness being your only friend, you were consumed by it.

“Has Y/n seemed…off to you?” Tara asked aloud to the group, who were all gathered around the table. Each holding a drink in their hands with their face seeming to share the same unbeknownst look that Tara couldn’t relate to. “He hasn’t been himself for months. Texts have been less and calls are as frequent as they were.”

“Maybe he is messing around with a new chick.” Chad’s drunken comment earned a firm slap upside the head from his sister. Mindy sent him a look that made him purse his lips, exhaling heavily. “I mean, nothing has seemed out of the ordinary for me, at least. Still shows up to school. Still works at the music store. What is it that you think is wrong with him?”

“Well, for starters. He said he would be back after going to the bathroom, but that’s been an hour ago.” Her words were sharp and pierced each of them with realization.

None of them had been aware that it had been that long. Maybe they’d been so caught up in talking and ushering all the kids out of the house, and cleaning that they forgot you had even been here. But Tara trusted in you saying you were fine. Then again, maybe you just needed to head home and rest.

“Are you sure he didn’t text you telling you he was heading home or anything?” Amber inquired, seeming uninterested in her friend's relationship troubles.

“Or maybe he’s still in the bathroom?” Liv said with a scowl, shrugging.

But then there was a painful grinding of metal against metal. The screech made the others cringe as they looked in the direction of where the sound came from. And within the shadows they found a lingering dark figure. Yet, they all could see the glint of light bouncing off of a blade.

And before anyone could get a word out, the figure came running at them, revealing Ghost face. They went charging at Chad, sending him flying into the counter. A yell fell from the boy’s lips, quickly grabbing the killer's wrists as they tried to plunge the knife into him.

The others were quick to grab weapons and hit the killer. It was enough to knock the killer to the ground with a groan after Amber hit them over the head with a chair. Knocking the mask and making everyone freeze in their steps.

“Y/n?” Liv muttered, brows scrunching together in confusion.

But instead of guilt or fear, you smiled. “Name’s Samael, sweetheart.”

Chad took it upon himself to kick you in the face, knocking you out. Silence fell over the room, everyone staring at your unconscious body. Tara wanted to scramble over and hold you. Question where you had been and if this was some sick type of joke. But the unsettling feeling that had been in her stomach for months was apparent. And this might be the cause of it.

“We can’t keep him here or take him home,” Tara explained. “Check his car keys. He keeps a key to the music store. Maybe he take him there.”

Mindy quickly reached into your pockets and pulled out your keys. Everyone quickly made a way to grab you and get you to someone's vehicle. But the entire time Tara tried to figure out what was going on with you. Why did you say your name was Samael? Why were you killing people? How long had you been doing this until you stopped caring?

“Oh, what the fuck is this?” Chad muttered, staring at the cage that was built in the center of the basement. Lights above giving

“What does it matter? We have to get him in there before he wakes up,” Mindy told her brother, helping Amber and Liv carry your unconscious body down the steps and toward the cage. Finding a key stuck in the lock, they pulled the door open and placed your body inside. Ushering out before locking it behind them.

Tara ran her hands through her hair. “Ok, what do we do now?” She asked frantically. “Do we call the police? Do we wait until he wakes up?”

“What the fuck do you mean, Tara?” Amber exclaimed. “The better question; what the fuck is wrong with Y/n and building some Saw level cage in the basement of the music store? And is he the killer?”

“There’s no doubt about it,” Chad commented, glancing at the others. “I mean, he was wearing the Ghost face outfit, Tara. He tried to kill me! The blood on the fucking ground! And he called himself “Samael”? We have no choice but to call the police-”

Hearing the sound of groan sound through the basement made them all spin toward the cage. You stirred, running a hand over your face, hissing with your head shooting up abruptly. “Fuck. My head…”

As your eyes flickered open, you caught sight of your friends. Fear spilled from the brims of their eyes. It caused you to slowly sit up and finally take in the surroundings. A cage. Something so familiar and identical to YOU. “What the fuck?” Shooting up to your feet, you looked around before your eyes found Tara. “Baby, what the fuck is going on?”

“Shut the fuck up, man!” Chad exclaimed. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Is this some sort of joke? Were you really trying to kill me back there?”

But hearing your friend's questions made you frown. Unable to remember what had led you to be locked in a cage. Then there was the feeling back from when you hid that body. The knowledge that something else stirred inside of you that you had no way of knowing if it was real or not.

“I’m scared, guys,” you admitted, walking toward the glass. Tears beginning to bubble over the brims of your eyes. “I don’t know what I did. Guys, I don’t know what is wrong with me. Did I hurt anyone?”

“Why did you kill them, Y/n?” Tara wept, sitting on her knees. Your warm eyes were spilling over with tears of your own as you shook your head. But just like before, you tensed up, eyes rolling back with your head rolling back slightly with Samael coming to the surface.

“I don’t thrive on the killing, Tara,” he said, a gentle hum in his throat, rising from the spot Y/n had found in front of the glass. Beginning to pace back in forth where the others watched from behind Tara. All of them were disturbed by this new discovery of what sat beneath your smiles and soft words. “I fucking live for it. I mean, the first time I killed, it was wrong. I know that. But, fuck, did it feel fucking amazing to shut that stupid bitch up.”

Seeing Tara physically shiver in either fear or disgust satisfied Samael. It buoyed him. Allowed him to feel some sort of power in this situation when he and you were both at risk of what these teenagers might be willing to keep Woodsboro safe.

Tara pursed her lips, nose twitching as she bowed her head, eyes flickering shut. “Samael, can you please let me talk to Y/n?”

“Oh, but this is a question for me, isn’t it?” He asked, lips quirking into a grin. “Y/n isn’t capable of killing. We both know that.” He pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek, shaking his head with a laugh. “But he’s becoming desensitized by it, Tara. It’s only a matter of time before he and I become one.”

“Just leave him be, Sam!” Tara pleaded. “He doesn’t deserve the shit you’re putting him through. You’re just a fucking infection that’s going to get him killed.”

Samael pouts mockingly, crouching in front of the glass opposite Tara. “And here I thought that after everything Y/n’s done to stay with you, you would love the both of us the same,” he said, hands resting against the glass as he draws his face closer toward the divider.” I mean, that little shit helped me hide a body that I cut up into tiny bits just so he could make it to your place on time. Hell, maybe we could be a fucked up murdering trio with due time.”

Tara shook her head in denial. “He’s not going to end up like you,” she spat. “We’re going to block you out somehow. I won’t allow him to be a monster like you.”

Again, that familiar tenseness in your body appeared. The once stoic, boisterous nature that Sameal held disappeared with your trembling. “Samael, just please.” You leaned back on your knees, staring up at the ceiling of the cage. “Stop. I can’t do this.”

“Y/n, it’s my time!” Samael yelled, rising to the surface. “You’ve had your chance at the wheel. I let you deliver what you could, but it wasn’t enough. You had a great ride, but it’s my turn to give the people of Woodsboro something to remember.”

“This is my life-!”

Your words and presence were ripped away once again with Samael unable to contain the mocking laugh that fell from his lips. “Oh, my God! Do you even hear yourself, man?” He questioned. “For 18 years, you have been dragging your feet telling everyone that you’ll be fine. Promising progress, but where is it at now, Y/n? Where are the wonders of the Adderall pills you had been promised? Because all they’ve shown is that I’ve become more involved since!”

Beneath the surface, you were trembling, fighting and hoping to reach some sort of precipice that might enlighten you of a way to stave off Samael. But the longer you sat in this dark void, oblivious to what is happening beyond through the windows that Samael continued to take claim of, you realized how far hope really was. It was intangible.

So, as the needles of revelation stabbed into your veins, injecting the gravity of the situation, you pushed yourself to the surface. The ringing in your ears, the adrenaline, clouded everything outside of your thoughts. Blocking out the voices that might pull you toward a hopeless state.

And Tara watched as you scrambled toward the small box that Samael used for his victims. A one-way compartment that you guessed was used to give food or drinks. The edge was sharp and blunt. But not too blunt that a direct impact would do the damage you needed.

“Y/n, what the fuck are you doing?” Samael called out.

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you stared at the edge before exhaling slowly. “Stopping you.”

There wasn’t a warning for anyone when you swung your head down upon the edge. The sickening crack and wet sound filled the air, making everyone gasp in shock. Tara’s lips were parted with the bubbling of nausea forming when you lifted your face, revealing your forehead split open, blood sliding down your forehead. Slipping down the curve of your eye socket and invading your vision. A quiet hiss falls from your lips. But it didn’t amount to painstakingly harsh pound echoing in each and every part of your skull.

“Stop!” Samael screamed. “You don’t want to do this, Y/n! This won’t just kill me, you’ll kill yourself. Think about Tara! I’ll stop, man. Just don’t do this!”

With your mind forming a heavy haze and eyes becoming blinded by your blood, you managed one final glance toward Tara. Seeing the fear and desperation to do something, but didn’t have the strength to move. Caught within her own mind and the shock of you standing there, on the brink of death to end this torment you’d been unaware of until tonight.

And came with a heavy heart to stare at her anymore. Hoping that even if no words were spoken, you wouldn’t blame her for anything she couldn’t have done. Because even if she’d liked to save you, the damage was already done.

“Fuck it.”

Tara saw you roll your head back and she felt her eyes widen. Finally being grounded and screaming, “No-!” But it was too late, your head saved in on the edge of the surface and you hit the ground with a loud thud. A whimper fell from Tara’s lips as she saw your lifeless eyes stare back at her. Your forehead caved in and your face became unrecognizable by the blood that seeped from the wound.

One of the most important parts of her life was now covered in blood from her lack of assistance that she had no way of helping you through.

[slut4fictionalmen33]

Don’t Leave (gally)

Summary: Y/n goes with the rest of the boys and Gally begs her to stay

Warnings: language, angst, violence, Gally’s “death” tmr spoilers

Word count: 1.8k

This morning you woke up bright and early to a familiar sound of yelling. A meeting was being held downstairs about escaping this hell hole.

“We can’t leave!” Gally yelled. “I was stung. The world is not good out there. And most of all we have to keep Y/n safe.” He pointed to his room which held you at the moment.

“Gally I know you’re frustrated bu-…”

“I am not letting Y/n out there. Even if my life depends on it.” Gally stomped up the stairs to your shared room.

He caught you listening into the conversation and he knew he had to say something.

“Y/n they found a way out.”

“I heard. Why don’t you want to go?” You crossed your arms. “Why don’t you want to be free?”

“Y/n… I want to be free. I do. But you haven’t seen the outside world. The Flare. The Scorch.”

“But what if it’s not all bad? What if there’s a place out there we can all make it to safely?”

“I won’t let you go.” He said sternly.

“Fuck you!” You yelled stomping out of the room and down to breakfast.

~

“Gally wants you to meet him in the homestead.” One of the builders said. “He said it was urgent.”

“Okay thank you.” You patted his shoulder before walking off toward the homestead.

“Gally!” You called out.

“Up here!” He called from your room.

Once you got up there Gally was sitting on the bed fiddling with one of the bracelets you had made him when you first started dating.

“Gally?”

“Y/n. I’m so sorry. I shouldn't have been a shuck face. I just don’t want you to get hurt.” He wrapped you in a tight hug.

“Look Y/n.” Gally grabbed your hands in his and sat down on the edge of the bed in front of you. “I can’t have you go out there without me.”

“Then come with us!” You yelled, letting go of his hands. “Come with us.” You repeated crying softly.

“Oh baby, don't cry please.” He stood up wiping your tears.

“How am I not supposed to cry when you rip my heart into two pieces!”

“No… no I didn’t. I love you.” He begged.

“Gally I think this is over.”

“No Y/n please.” He pleaded, grabbing at your arm.

“We’re done.” You said coldly, rushing out of the room.

~

A week after you and Gallys breakup it was finally the day you got to leave this maze.

Everyone was getting whatever important items they had claimed over their time in the maze and packing for the journey.

You had already lost so many people and many had only agreed to leave to get away from the past.

Thomas had a plan to keep Gally distracted and hopefully get him to come with you. So when it was time the plan fell right into place.

A couple builders under Gallys orders dragged Thomas’ lifeless body across the glade, dropping him at the base of the pole. All the while Teresa thrashed trying to get out of the boys hold.

“This is stupid!” and “What the hell do you think you're doing?” Were the only things falling from her mouth continuously.

“Tie him up.” Gally ordered calmly but when the boys did not comply the first time he snapped. “Did you not hear me? Tie him up.” He ordered again.

The two boys picked him up and the plan went into action. Thomas elbowed the boys in the groin while Minho cut Teresa loose and You and Newt made sure the boys didn’t try anything.

Gally spun around in a circle trying to comprehend what just went down around him.

“This is your last chance to stay here or come with us.” Thomas looked at Gally but implied it to everyone.

“Gally, I think I'm with them.” Winston spoke up.

“Me too.” A few more boys started walking over to group with us.

‘Please’ You mouthed as he looked you directly in the eyes.

“Good luck.” Gally said before walking through our crowd.

“Alright let’s go.” Thomas murmured, running into the maze.

You were frozen. With fear. With sadness. With all of it. You couldn’t believe Gally wanted to stay there. You felt like breaking down and crying but before the tears could even form in your eyes you were being ushered by Newt into the maze.

The run was long and consecutive, rounding corners every few feet just to see another ivy covered wall.

Eventually you reached the blades. Which were steel plates that stretched the whole length of the maze walls.

~

You reached the griever hole, Thomas poking his head past the wall to get a good look. He quickly swiveled, back flush against the wall.

“Is there a griever?” Chuck asked, squeezing your hand. Thomas nodded, swallowing hard.

“Chuck, I need you to stay back with Y/n and Teresa. Everyone else… Do you trust me?”

A series of nods went around and Thomas started charging toward the exit. He screamed when he came in contact with the first griever fighting him off with his spear.

Suddenly a door that was invisible to the rest of the boys opened. “Thomas?!” You yelled walking through. “There’s a code.”

A code? Code! He thought. “Minho, what's the sequence of the maze?”

“What?!” Minho yelled, fighting off a particularly strong griever.

“The sequence to the maze!” Thomas yelled again.

“7…1…5…2…uh 6…4…” He was cut off by a griever falling right on top of him from the sky.

Minho struggled until Jeff gained the courage to jump on top of the culprit stabbing it with his weapon.

Minho escaped from under it but now Jeff was a victim. The griever thrashed as it started eating Jeff’s legs until the others started climbing in front of it.

“Jeff!” Winston yelled as Frypan dragged him backwards.

“Minho what’s the rest!” You yelled.

“uh… 6, 4, 3, 8.” He yelled stabbing at the grievers.

The walls above them started to close, crushing them instantly as you and the rest of the gladers got sucked into darkness.

~

You woke up in a hallway with a door labeled “EXIT”.

“Really?” Frypan said sarcastically, pulling the door open for everyone.

There were bodies everywhere, none of them alive. Many of them shot. Some were stabbed.

“What the hell?” You gasped stepping over the puddle of blood.

“They were watching us.” Newt said, walking over to a computer that showed various segments of the glade. But one thing that didn’t seem right was that Gally wasn't there.

Thomas watched for a minute then stared at the flashing red button under him before pressing it. A hologram popped up on where the glass used to be. An older lady with her hair tied back and bright red lipstick on.

“Hello, my name is Dr Ava Paige. I’m director of operations at the World Catastrophe Killzone Department. If you’re watching this it means you’ve successfully completed the maze trials. I wish I could be there in person to congratulate you but circumstances seem to have prevented it.”

Everyone stared as this woman you had never seen spoke to you about some three years of your life and how it had all been a trial.

“I’m sure by now you must all be very confused… angry…frightened. I can only assure you that everything that’s happened to you… everything we’ve done to you. It was all done for a reason. You won’t remember but the sun has scorched our world.” You stood there in shock once again. Gally was right and now there was nothing you could do.

“Billions of lives lost to fire… famine… suffering on a global scale. The fallout was unimaginable. What came after was worse. We called it the flare.” And a viewing of a flare victim was shown on the screen. He was violent, black goo dripping down his face, thrashing under the nurses hold.

“A deadly virus that attacks the brain. It is violent. Unpredictable. Incurable. Or so we thought. In time a new generation emerged that could survive the virus, suddenly there was a reason to hope for a cure. But finding it would not be easy.” Chuck looked at you strangely for your teary eyes. You had pieced this puzzle together.

“The young have to be tested, even sacrificed inside harsh environments where their brain activity could be studied. All in an effort to understand what makes them different, what makes you different. You may not realize it but you’re very important. Unfortunately, your trials have only just begun. As you’ll no doubt soon discover not everyone agrees with our methods. Progress is slow, people are scared. It may be too late for us, for me, but not for you. The outside world awaits. Remember WCKD is good.” She said right before grabbing her gun and killing herself right in front of a bunch of teenagers. As if everything she had done wasn’t enough.

Most of everyone looked away, a few so hooked they couldn’t look away that was until a familiar voice caught your ear.

“We can’t leave.” Gally said, gun in his shaky hand.

“Gally?” You questioned stepping towards him. “Gally what’s wrong with you?”

“We can’t leave.” He repeated raising the gun.

“Gally no.” You put your hands out.

“Get out of the way Y/n.” He ordered, aiming the gun at Thomas.

“We belong to the maze.” He said pulling the trigger. Chuck jumped in front of Thomas shielding him from death while Minho threw his spear across the room and right into Gallys chest. He fell to the floor gasping for air. Short breaths in. Short breaths out.

You stood there shaking, turning between Gally and your friends. You ran over to Gally and fell to your knees in front of his body.

“Gally please. Don’t leave. I don’t hate you. I love you. I hurt you. I'm sorry. I-…”

“Y/n I-I l-love y-you.” He choked out reaching up to caress your cheek.

“I love you too, I need you to stay with me.” You grabbed his hand. You bathed in the affection until Newt and Minho had to pull you off of him.

“No! We can’t leave him! I won’t leave him!” You thrashed as they carried you to the helicopter.

“Y/n he’s dead.” Winston broke the news to you.

“No he’s not you dumb shuck! He was alive when you carried me out! He’s alive.” They placed you in the helicopter. “I have to get him.” You told Newt.

“I know love. You’ll meet him again.” He caressed your head similarly to how Gally would after a long day.

You cried into his chest until you fell asleep on him. Falling deep into slumber dreaming about your dead boyfriend.

[omies-odd-writing-spot]

Library mouse {Doom idea]

So this was SUPOSED to be an exercise for me to work on Valen's character finding someone in need of help but…

you have Valen finding a borrower, inspired by @horseyneigh2002 and @raventroll80 's borrowers in DOOM ideas.

will this be more then a one shot? likely not but it was cute and so fun to write a softer side of Valen. Cassidy is a little soft been, no matter what I yeet her as/in, please pat her gently and don't scare her.

Library mouse: [full story in link]

She did not trust the rain anymore. The small girl, a young woman, looked up at the window that used to be her favorite place. Somewhere the employees of the library did not know to look, and the very few that did know this place were a trusted few. Like the maintenance man that knew of her, and when he was doing the morning or nightly rounds would put a small treat for her there to enjoy in what used to be the warm morning and cozy warm evening light from the window.

The small window was almost boxed in with the tall book shelf, so the sun through the glass always warmed up the cubby no matter the season. Spring was the first warm spot away from a heating vent, the summer the excess heat bled out from the open top entrance over the bookcase. It was always a warm safe place to watch the fall rains, and toasty from the few sunny winter days. 

Cassidy pulled her legs up on the miniature couch the late maintenance man had made and gifted her family. If she pulled the blanket over her head and closed her eyes, she could almost pretend her family was in the other seats or at the table their size. That the sound of rain was real and not something unnatural.

It was not even the same warmth as before, but all the little blankets and lap covers still smelled like her family. Or she thought they did. 

Cassidy looked up, making the mistake of looking out the window and seeing the hellish storm, not keeping her eyes on the table. It twisted her stomach and she was not sure she could even sip her tea any more. The girl curled up in the soft padding of her spot, tucking the blanket around her, speaking to no one really. “Rain shouldn’t be orange…”

She felt sick, and sighed before getting up, rubbing her arms and started to fold and tie up the rest of the blankets and pillows in this area. The last of the things she had to gather up before sitting with her cantine of tea. Not able to pretend anymore that the world outside her library had ended. 

Her world inside the library seemed to have ended as well with the death of old Harold, the former maintenance man this last winter. Cassidy could not go to the locked entrance of the library anymore, not able to face what was left of her family’s once long term guardian and friend. 

The young woman thought of the stories from her grandfather and Harold, who might have well been another grandfather, in their youths. Those stories of how they became friends and traveled the bigger world outside of the city, kept Cassidy’s mind busy to get the things she wanted on top of the book shelf and slowly back to her home. There was a special data crystal at her home that she was keeping safe there and she wanted some of the extra pillows to give some extra padding. 

“I miss being a fairy,” Cassidy noted aloud a few hours later, standing in her home. The one that Harold had helped her make after the outside world ended. Sitting in one of the chairs he helped make in the practical field of clover inside the case. It was one of the semi clear areas that was inside the once extensive display case. 

Once it showed a fantasy world the library used to make up with votes. Some patches were growing clover that was almost as big as she was now, most had still healthy moss. Other areas were carefully corralled areas that had bark and rotten wood and her main source of protein, isopods. Cassidy had a little house she could use, with a hatch that led down to the underside of the display case where all the supplies that Harold had left her were safely placed for her. More things were outside of the case, mostly massive gallon sizes of water and juice bottles with the ‘faucets’ that the human made.

It should last a long, long time, Cassidy was barely through one of the water ones, even with watering the clover and moss. She was trying not to use the ones under the case as much as she could. 

Cassidy had gotten water moved up that morning, and was making a salad with fresh clover salad now, a little bit of oil and herbs left to her helped make it seem fancy. She had fresh tea and was sitting in the safety of the display case. Pretty much ready for the evening and night, and deciding if she wanted to sleep in the little house or down in the lower section of the display case. 

Being ‘inside’ was nice to keep the temperature even compared to the library on a whole when the temperature dropped and rose almost randomly. 

There were vibrations that came and when, as normal now. They were all far away and distant outside of the library. It was muffled more so thanks to the display case, almost like fireworks in the distance if she pretended again. Evening was turning to the now normal night, or what passed as night. 

A rusty orange tinted light still filtered through the few uncovered windows. What little power there was from the building generator was more than enough for the led fairy lines around certain paths in the library and in the display case she made home. As long as no bigger lights were turned on, the power might last her lifetime. 

Cassidy fiddled with the handless, pale cream cup that had her tea, thinking about that. Of what she would do tomorrow. Feeling sleepy from the chamomile she just sat at her little table and started to not think. 

Tap-tap. 

Cassidy startled, looking up and half expecting to see one of the monsters.

She blinked at the very, very tall human in armor looking back at her with confusion. He seemed so much bigger than any human she had met, or seen from a distance, broad in the shoulders and had heavy scarring on the exposed face. He had white, short hair on top of a mostly shaved head. His eyes startled her too, an odd thing to focus on, but Cassidy had never seen a human with black eyes.

One black and the other was silver and white?

Cassidy blinked again, before the tiny woman hesitantly waved a greeting.

The massive human blinked and he shifted, Cassidy noticed his armor. It had to be armor like the knights in the books she had read and been read too. A helmet was grasped in the metal hand of the strange human, his other exposed hand had tapped.

“…are you the little one on the message out front?” The deep voice of the human was low, trying not to let his gravel edge scare. Yet Cassidy could hear him even through the glass of the case.

“Message?” Cassidy echoed before remembering seeing that Harold had written many things in blank books as well as messages on the whiteboards around the library. Some to remind her to do things, encouragement, and in the entry hall where Harold had settled to sleep for the last time, a message asking any other survivors to be kind to the small one still living in the library. “Oh…yeah… I guess I am. Are you going to take everything? I don't have much.”

[theteasetwrites]

The Beginning Is the End Is the Beginning

Chapter 99: In the Company of Angels

❧ Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Female Reader ❧ Era: Season 11 ❧ Pronouns: she/her ❧ Warnings: major character death ❧ Word Count: 3.5k

❧ In This Chapter: The Commonwealth is saved in one last effort to defeat the herd. When the panic dies down, there is happiness, but not everyone will live to see another day.

❧ A/N: Second-to-last chapter! So this one is pretty short, but I wanted to write the time jump in the next chapter (aka the last chapter ahhh). I tried to add in some stuff to tie in Reader's father and some of the characters she was closest to. You might also notice that I purposefully made Reader kind of uncomfortable with the celebration (because I was uncomfortable with the celebration lmao). I just felt like it was kind of random and unrealistic (yes I am aware that there are zombies walking around, but within the context of the show, it's nice to have the way people behave be a little realistic). Idk the whole dinner scene didn't sit right with me, so I tried to convey that a little bit lol.

Date: April 18, 2021

Time: Midnight

Our arrival to the Commonwealth was fraught with some… trouble. A herd had somehow gotten through the walls. Governor Milton’s orders were to direct the swarm to the lower wards, where the poor live. She’d also caught onto Mercer’s betrayal, imprisoning him. By the time we arrived, the walkers were flooding into the streets. We took the sewers through to Union Station, where a shootout ensued. Myself and many others were shot, and at this point my recollection fails me, but I’m told that at some point, Princess led a group to release Mercer from his prison. From there, Mercer and his guards snuck us into a safehouse in the Estates, where Pamela and the other elites were hoarding the last of the medicine. We lost Luke and Jules to the walkers. Lydia and Aaron had lost track of Jerry and Elijah in the herd, but they joined with us again by some miracle. Rosita found her daughter, Coco. She is safe, and so is Eugene, Yumiko, and Maxine. 

The estates have the luxury of walls to keep the walkers out, but it kept the Commonwealth citizens out, too. Pamela refused to open the gates, signing a death sentence for the unlucky ones who were locked outside. They were screaming, crying, and begging to be let inside, spared from the dead.

Father Gabriel Stokes took a stand, ignoring the guns pointed at him as he made his way to the gate, preparing to shoot the lock and let the people in to save their lives from the impending herd. Governor Milton commanded her guards to shoot him down, but a resounding voice stopped them. It was Alexandria’s own Daryl Dixon, bravely approaching the governor herself, no weapons drawn. His words were simple, but louder than any gunshot, and stronger, too. 

“Stop,” he said. “We all deserve better than this. You built this place to be like the old world, that was the problem. We’ve got one enemy. We’re not the walking dead.”

You paused for a moment, thinking of what to write next. It was most important that you wrote down exactly what Daryl had said, you figured. You supposed the rest now was living history, and you’d have to write more later, when you could collect your thoughts.

Daryl himself made his way over to you, looking just as dashing and brave as he did just a few hours ago now. As you sat up in your bed, he eyed you suspiciously. Hadn’t he just told you to rest? And yet there you were, etching hundreds of words into your journal, frantically writing down every thought that had come to you the past twenty-four hours. Everything that happened here tonight was important, and so much more was about to be underway. 

When you felt his gaze on you, you lifted your head from your journal. The letters were starting to make you dizzy anyway. “Yes?” you asked. 

A few men dressed head to toe in Commonwealth armor pushed past Daryl, carrying various boxes of explosives. It made you nervous, to say the least, but it was all part of the plan. Mercer’s plan. 

Daryl crossed his arms with a huff, coming forward to sit himself down beside your bed. He’d left a chair there for himself, marked rather obviously by his vest. “Thought you were gonna be restin’.”

“I am resting.”

“No, you’re writing.”

“Well, I can write and rest at the same time, can’t I?”

He narrowed his eyes at your left arm, still wrapped tight in its sling. “How you feel?”

“My arm hurts,” you sighed. “But I’ll be fine.”

Out of curiosity, Daryl leaned back in his chair, his neck craning to get a look at what you were writing. “I see my name,” he said, focusing on your familiar cursive writing. “What’re ya sayin’ about me?”

“Oh,” you sighed dramatically, “just about how… noble, and brave, and heroic my husband is.”

You swore his eyes rolled into the back of his head. “Stop.”

“Why? It’s true. Besides, Robin and Westley will need to know how great their father is. It’s important, you know. And maybe someday they’ll have children of their own, and they’ll tell them about their… grandpa.”

Daryl shook his head. “Nah, no way. I’m not gonna be a grandpa.”

“Maybe you will,” you said with a shrug, and a mischievous grin. Sometimes, you got far too much enjoyment out of teasing him, but he was just so serious, and it was so fun to make that serious demeanor crumble, as it only really could for you. “It’s important to think about the future, about the consequences of all this.”

“All’s I know is what’s goin’ on right now. And right now it’s time to go, so get your journal.”

Indeed, the plan was ready. Aaron and some of the others had already diverted the herd, clearing a path for a truck to leave the estates and bring back the fuel. The plan was to light up the sewers, soak them in gasoline and lead the flame to the center of the estates, where the walkers would be corralled. 

You could hear it now, the music just starting. “Cult of Personality” by Living Colour. Fitting, you supposed. The lyrics didn’t matter, though. What mattered was that the music was loud enough to bring the walkers to the estates. When those mansions were going to blow up, you didn’t want to be anywhere near it. 

Everyone was loaded onto a truck, packed like a can of sardines and taken to the rendezvous point—one of the houses on the other side of town. By the time everyone had cleared the estates, the gates were left open, purposefully. The walkers poured in, death and decay taking over this once prosperous neighborhood. 

Everyone was far away when the music stopped, time suspended for what seemed like years, but it was only a few moments. Finally, a huge burst of flames, followed by waves upon waves of explosions dotting the estates, each triggering another until the whole district was bubbling with bright orange. 

Beneath the ground, the sewers were opening up, splitting the dirt to suck in hundreds of burning walkers, like Hell was opening up and taking back its creatures. When the first bursts of the explosions died down, the charred remains of the estates were filled with burning trees and the last of the walkers that could still walk as their rotten flesh burnt off their bones. 

From what you could see, the herd was eradicated. Still, you weren’t sure it was cause for celebration. The estates were destroyed, along with dozens of homes that could’ve housed the poor and the sick. Whatever food and resources those buildings had were reduced to smithereens before your very eyes. Not only that, but who knows how many people had died during the swarm? 

You didn’t share that sentiment with most of the others, though. 

Yumiko invited everyone from Alexandria to her house in the wee hours of the morning. For your part, you fell asleep on her couch, not knowing when you awoke that a grand feast was waiting for you in the afternoon.

It was Daryl’s hand that gently rocked your shoulder. “Come get somethin’ to eat,” he said, and you swore you were in a dream. 

The dining room was immaculate, with a meal of epic proportions splayed over the table, with more to spare on the kitchen counters, where so many familiar faces gathered around to serve themselves. You blinked hard, shaking your head as you looked towards your husband. “Am I awake?”

“Yeah,” he said, and you knew it must’ve been real—you could feel his hand pressed upon your lower back, then his lips grazing your cheek. “I’ll make ya a plate. Sit down.”

Despite its clear reality, you couldn’t escape the strange warm glow all around you. It felt like you were dead. Well, in Heaven, maybe. But you weren’t, you knew you weren’t. You were alive, but something felt too good to be true. Something was off. 

Across the dining room table, you felt Rosita’s eyes on you. She leaned closer, pointing her finger at your sling. “You all right?”

“Mhm.” Tentatively, you took a sip of red wine. It was the first you’d tasted of it in ages. Nine months pregnant, plus several more in which wine was the least important thing you could consume, so you didn’t. It felt strange to drink it now, but why not? Everything else felt so strange, anyway. “Are you?”

She rocked uncomfortably in her chair, but flashed a smile regardless. “Of course.”

Something was wrong. 

“Rosita—”

Maggie’s hand startled you as she touched your shoulder. Her green eyes widened as she let out a laugh. Were you the only one not happy?

As she sat beside you, she eagerly unfolded her napkin, then helped herself to a serving of mashed potatoes. How did anyone have the energy to prepare this meal? Nothing seemed right. 

“You were asleep for so long,” remarked Maggie. “I was worried you wouldn’t wake up.”

“Feels like I didn’t.” You were caught between reality and a dream. 

Daryl’s heavy presence loomed over you. He placed your plate in front of you—it was overflowing with ham and gravy and biscuits and salad and grapes… He’d given you far too much food for one person to eat. Still, you knew you would eat all of it with how hungry you were. 

“Thank you.” He shocked you for a moment, bending over to kiss the corner of your mouth. You looked at him suspiciously. “Am I in the Twilight Zone?”

“Eat your food,” he scoffed playfully. “‘Fore it gets cold.”

With a belly full of food, soon it became clear to you that there was no harm in celebrating what merriment there was for the time being. Pamela was imprisoned, the walkers were slain, the people were free. 

It was a beautiful dinner, the warm glow of the candles spread all over the table illuminating so many smiling faces. The world had changed so much since last night—darkness had given into light, and with the new day came a new era. It was on everyone’s breath. The cleansing fire had come again, as it had come so many times before. 

It was nothing new, you’d seen it before, so many, many times. 

Atlanta, the quarry, the CDC, the farm, the prison, the Kingdom, the Hilltop… As worlds ended, new ones were born. Even those worlds hadn’t really ever ended, you figured. It wasn’t even really a matter of things ending or beginning when it came down to it, it was a matter of continuing on, keeping those memories alive for as long as you could. That was the trick.

That was the celebration. A new beginning, once again. As many times as you’d felt it, you’d never get tired of that feeling. Hope, that’s exactly what it was. Hope for the future, for the world to become whole again.

The mission wasn’t over, you all knew that. The world was still broken, crumbling all around you, but there were pockets of wholeness, moments wherein everything became so perfect that it was hard to believe it was real. But it was real, and they were real. Your family was real. 

And yet, you couldn’t shake this feeling, as though the vibrant images that projected all around you were just figments of your imagination, like any second now you’d wake up and it would all have been some strange, long dream.

Maybe you’d awaken, having never met a man named Daryl, having never had his children. That was the worst thing you could imagine, so you willed it away from your mind as quickly as it came.

Instead, you dozed off for a while, thinking of all the voices you couldn’t hear amidst the celebrations. Strangely, you found yourself picturing a world in which your father could see all this. You hadn’t thought of him in so long, but a sudden wave of memory lost to time came flooding in.

The memory wasn’t one that had ever existed, at least, not in this lifetime. It was an image of a dinner much like this, but with everyone you’d come to know and love.

Rick, Michonne, Glenn, Beverly, Dale, Tara, Andrea, Tyreese, Beth… All the ones you lost were surrounded by some glowing aura, like they were angels. They were so bright and beautiful that you nearly squinted just to make our their features.

Your father, though, you saw particularly clearly. In your vision, he’d sit right across the table from Daryl. He’d know the happiness you had found with him, the true and innocent love he gave you. You knew above all else that he would’ve loved Daryl, too. He would’ve seen him as another son, and a great man.

In his lap would sit baby Westley, watching in fascination as his grandfather played peek-a-boo with the child, much to his wonder.

Robin would sit near him, too, laughing at one of Dale’s silly jokes. He’d impart some important lesson to her, and she’d listen closely, eager to learn from the wise man.

Aaron would pour a glass of wine for Eric, his one true love. You were sure your father would look on proudly, happy to know that Aaron was living the life he wanted with the man he loved.

Perhaps Rick would raise a toast, it seemed like the kind of thing he would’ve done. “To family,” he might say. “To hope, and to the future.”

Glenn and Maggie would laugh together like they used to. They’d have a hard time letting go of each other’s hands. You recalled they used to hold on until the last possible second.

Sophia and Carl would be so much bigger now. You’d hardly be able to recognize Sophia, but what a beautiful young woman she would’ve become. You’d reminisce with them about the times at the quarry, and how little they seemed in such a big, scary world.

As much as you hated to invite him to your perfect little tableau, you turned to look at Daryl, and you saw an inkling of Merle in that smirk he gave you. It had Daryl’s gentleness, but Merle was in him, too. You liked to think that, if he had lived to see this day, he’d have changed. Maybe he’d see the ignorance of his ways, and maybe, by some miracle, he’d be a good uncle to your children. Well, thank goodness it was just in your imagination.

“Hon?” Daryl’s raspy whisper made those faces disappear, but their essence still lingered. His warm hand laid tentatively over yours, until he gently squeezed it to get your attention. “You all right?”

“Yes,” you said with a smile. He felt some relief wash over him. For a second there, he worried you had already gotten tipsy from the wine. You were always a lightweight, but then again, you were terribly amusing when you were drunk. He would know. “I’m fine, sweetheart.”

His lips eased into a small smile. As his cheeks lifted, you admired his face, how beautifully sculpted it had been. Every detail, from the bags under his eyes to the slight slope of his nose, was your favorite—you couldn’t decide on just one. And his skin was so clear, so soft. The wine must’ve been getting to him a little, as you could see a glowing rosiness in his warm cheeks.

Though his black eye had only darkened, you still swooped his hair back, allowing you to see every perfect inch of him.

The fact that you were admiring him through hazy bedroom eyes did not go unnoticed.

“What’re ya thinkin’ about?”

Naughty things, mister Dixon.

“How happy I am,” you replied, opting for an innocent conversation instead.

His hand squeezed yours a little tighter. In this lighting, with the gold-tinted hue of the candles playing off your features, he couldn’t take his eyes off you if his life depended on it, and thank goodness it didn’t.

“Are you happy, Daryl?”

For the last eleven years, he’d been able to say yes. Why would that change today?

“Yeah. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, since you came along.”

He wished he had the more complex words to describe the way you made him feel, but simple platitudes spoken by many lovers before and many lovers after would have to do.

“I’d like it to stay like this forever,” you said. “Just frozen in time. I don’t ever want to forget this feeling.”

“You don’t have to… We keep it alive, you and me. Long as we live, and after.”

“And the people,” you added. “The people we lost, they’re still alive, right? We keep the fire burning for them.”

“That’s right, angel.”

Despite the euphoria you felt come over you, there was still that inkling of looming devastation floating around the room. It didn’t show itself immediately, but gradually, as the heady afternoon blended into the clarifying evening, your suspicions of impending tragedy proved to be correct.

Rosita shared the news, that horrible news you’d been dreading since she looked at you that way. You didn’t process it at first, it just sort of… sat there. She’d hid it so well all this time. The bite on her back was completely covered by her shirt and her hair, but nothing could hide the fact that the fever was coming, worsening and becoming stronger with each passing moment. Time was running out for her, and it felt so wrong.

In the bedroom where she laid, each and every one of you was given the unspoken opportunity to say goodbye. It was a beautiful room, perfect for Rosita. The walls were a pale blush color, with lovely pink roses in a vase by the door. Roses for Rosita, you thought, smiling through your tears as you sat upon the chair by her bed. 

She reached for your hand, and you took it with a gentle shake. Beside her was Coco, napping upon a bed of pillows. She was older than Wes, of course, but you couldn’t help but see her and wonder if one day the two of them would be friends. You hoped so. 

“Hey,” she said, her eyes struggling to keep open. She looked paler than usual, and you could tell by the redness under her eyes that the illness was taking its effect. It felt so cruel, so unfair. She had so much life left in her, and for it to be cut short so suddenly was nothing short of a tragedy. 

“Hi.” Even a single syllable word was not immune to your tears. Your voice cracked and faltered as you wiped your nose with your free hand. What were you supposed to say? There was so much to say to her. She was your friend. “I—I, um…” You shook your head, trying to compose yourself. “Rosita, nothing’s going to be the same without you.”

She smiled. “You’re going to be fine. You’re brave.”

You laughed at that. It seemed like just yesterday Rosita had called you weak. Now, it was just a humorous memory. “You’re one of the bravest people I’ve ever known.”

It was evident in the way it happened. She’d been bit saving Coco, her child. That, indeed, was the greatest act of bravery. “Will you… watch over Coco for me?”

You were choked up at this point, hardly able to speak without bursting. “I will,” you said with a fervent nod. “Of course. Always.”

“And, if you can,” she faltered a little, her eyes becoming hazy. You could tell she was on her way out, her voice having trouble coming through. “Tell Robin… about how badass we were, you and me.”

Your eyes widened a little. Of course, Rosita was “badass,” but you weren’t so sure that you were. “I sure will,” you snorted. “I’ll tell her all those stories.”

“I wish I could see her grow up…. Her and Coco, and Wes, too… All of them.”

“Hey,” you said, leaning forward to hug her. She was burning hot, so hot she was cold. “I’ll be your eyes and ears, okay? Everything I see, you’re gonna see it, too.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

It was so hard to say goodbye. 

That night, you closed your eyes to sleep, held tight by the same pair of strong arms that were made for you. They kept you safe, sheltered, but your mind still wandered.

You found yourself at that dinner table again, surrounded by all those you loved, and those you lost. Rosita was shining bright now. She held her baby in her arms. She looked like the Virgin Mary.

Her soothing face didn’t haunt you, it lulled you to a peaceful sleep. The death she’d been given was beautiful. You could only hope that someday, you’d die with your greatest loves beside you, and you’d see them again in some crazy woman’s vision.

~

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Entangled Strings of Fate

Chapter 6. A needle of lies

Spencer Reid x FOC

Summary: Caltech, Pasadena - Cleo considers herself a woman of logic. With an IQ of 158 and an eidetic memory, how could she not. But meeting Spencer, the boy genius to hers, had her believing in intangible theories like the invisible string and the fates. Now, if only he would notice the depth of her feelings. Set in Caltech, pre-season 1 and will progress from there.

A/n: Writing the future chapters of this fic and also my other fic, “Yours Truly, Romeo” is a little bit of a hard balancing act if I’m honest. Entangled Strings is very much a character driven plot so there’s more internalization I have to do for the characters (and for myself too) while Yours Truly is the opposite—it’s very much plot driven. So I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments on my writing for either or both fics.

previous chapter || series masterlist || next chapter

“A harmful truth is better than a useful lie.” - Thomas Mann

For the past few days, Cleo and Spencer stayed holed up in their own cornered cocoon in the world filled with fading ink and aged pages. During their time away from the outside, they had become in tune with each other’s movements as if there were invisible strings tying their limbs together—always a whispering touch from the other. When one moved, the other would follow. On her part, it was the need to catch his injured being when—not if—his defenses comes crumbling down and for his part, it was the desire for a physical anchor to tie him to the present lest he free falls to the nightmare lurking behind his eyelids. 

In one of these mornings, she had called a substitute in the form of Penelope Garcia to keep him company while she braved the outside for her necessities back in her apartment—clothes, toiletries, laptop, books and notes. She didn’t want to leave the confines of the dark green walls but time wasn’t stopping for anyone, no matter how much she willed it to be. She had responsibilities beyond his well-being and so did he—her bar exam, for that matter, was fast approaching and she had planned to pass it with one take and for him, the obligation to return to active duty once the phone rang. 

The call finally came regarding a series of construction site murders.

“Please be safe,” she said as she watched him get ready to leave. “I want you to know you can call me anytime and I’ll be right here waiting from you to get back.” 

He adjusted his satchel and nodded before exiting the confines of the apartment. “I’ll see you when I get back.” 

The comfortable silence was welcomed. She felt the tension and uncertainty he was projecting during their time together. He was walking on a tight rope and she waiting below for it to snap into tethers. She didn’t want to press him to talk about the kidnapping and the aftermath it had on his psyche but every sentence she uttered had to be carefully crafted as if she was walking around a patch of land with unmarked landmines buried underneath. 

Her phone rang, breaking her line of thought.

“Hi Joe,” she greeted. “What’s up?” 

“I was wondering if you’re back at your apartment?” He asked, the muffled sounds of traffic can be heard around him. “I’m just around the corner and wanted to invite you for coffee.” 

She slumped down on the sofa with a sigh. “Actually, I’m still here at Spencer’s. It’s his first day back on the field and I promised to wait until he gets back.” 

There was a minute of silence. 

“Is he doing any better?” Joe finally asked. 

“I’m honestly not sure,” she paused. “But can I take a rain check on that coffee?” 

“Sure, call me when you’re free,” he said before hanging up.

She knew Joe was a bit unsettled with the situation. Not necessarily with Spencer and what happened to him—he felt close to pity for the whole ordeal. It was her Joe was perhaps disheartened by. He had brought up his apprehension during one of their late nights together, basking in each other’s bare and raw presence. How he felt as an interloper to the unexplainable connection between her and Spencer and how he had become to see himself as the second choice—the boyfriend that her parents have met and have surprisingly approved of. She didn’t quite understand where it was all coming from but not wanting to hurt Joe more than she had subconsciously done, she vowed to turn things around—a vow she took seriously—but here she was, doing the exact opposite. Joe understood but the deep twisted feeling in her gut tells her karma will extract a payment otherwise, as if she was nearing a cross road that she couldn’t argue her way from.

She took a deep breath before pushing herself off the sofa, the need to move around to ease the dread in her veins taking over. Entering the kitchen, she noted how the refrigerator and pantry were practically empty—with only a carton of milk and half a dozen of eggs. Grabbing her bag, she stepped out of the apartment to the market for basic perishables and ingredients for a warm, home cooked meal as a welcome back from Spencer’s first case back on the saddle. 

———

It took two nights before the case was solved, much to her worry. 

“Hey pretty girl, are you still at Reid’s place?” Morgan reached out once the jet had landed back in Quantico.

“Hey Derek, I am,” she greeted back. “Actually making dinner for our boy genius. How is he?” 

“That’s actually why I called,” he sighed. “Can you keep an eye on him? This last case brought up a reaction from what happened.” 

Cleo stopped stirring the pasta sauce. “No worries. Has he left to go home yet or is he still back there at the office?”

“He left about 10 minutes ago.” 

“Got it, he’ll be home in a while,” she remembered him mentioning that the train ride to and from his apartment was exactly 18 minutes and the walk home was 8 minutes. “I’ll keep you updated, Derek.” 

“Thanks, pretty girl.” 

She expected him to walk through the door once the clock had struck eight. The pasta was cooked, ready to serve and the additional portions were packed inside the refrigerator. Grabbing her tattered copy of Ninety Days by Bill Clegg, she got comfortable on the sofa, thinking that maybe the train was just running late. 

When the clock struck nine, she started to get agitatedly worried. He wasn’t the type to be late—scheduled or not. She was contemplating on giving Derek a call when she heard the tell tale signs of the keys by the front door. Quickly standing up, she made a beeline to welcome him and with one look she knew, something was horribly horribly amiss. Spencer was fidgety, completely unaware of her presence. His cardigan slightly drooping from his shoulders, the Spencer that she knew—put together and vigilant—was nowhere to be found.

“Hey Spence,” she greeted softly.

He flinched and held on to his satchel even tighter, knuckles white from his grip. 

“Cleo, what are you doing here?” There was a bite in his tone, unusual for the gentle and loving man that she knew him to be.

“I promised to welcome you back, remember? I even made us dinner, a post-first-case-back type of thing.” 

He headed straight to the bedroom without so much a glance at the dining table. “I’m not hungry,” he stated matter of factly.

She bit her lip, nervous at the anger he was emitting in waves. The snapping of his tight rope had happened and she wasn’t there to cushion the fall. He wasn’t safely tucked away in the quiet solace of his home, rather he was exposed to the tense and dark outdoor atmosphere of a case. “Oh, that’s okay. Do you want to have a cup of tea with me instead? We can even go up to the roof—”

He cut her off. “I’d rather go to bed.”

“Okay, I’ll join you. Let me just put the food—”

“Alone.”

Cleo stared at Spencer, unsure on how to process what he said. He was avoiding her gaze, seemingly more interested at the floorboards. His trembling hand subconsciously patting the front pocket of his satchel, back and forth, as if he was making sure it was still within his reach.

“Okay. I’ll take the couch instead.” 

“No, you can just leave. I’d like to be alone,” he shook his head and turned back to his bedroom, effectively ending the conversation. 

“Spence, I don’t think you should be alo—”

The door slammed shut with a force that caused the nearby windows to vibrate. Wide eyed and feeling lost, Cleo put away the dishes and hauled her books and notes into her satchel before trudging to the foyer. She must have stood there for ten minutes, battling with herself and Spencer’s directive to leave. Her instinct was telling her to stay, whispering should she not something bad would happen. 

Steeling herself and with the knowledge that he had hit rock bottom and the foreboding from her mind, she walked back into the living room and made herself comfortable. Curling into herself, she closed her eyes and hoped for a brighter and better day by tomorrow. A meager wish that was turned on its head to be the worst karma she could have ever envisioned.

———

Sunlight was caressing her face, waking her up from her pitiful slumber. The grandfather’s clock tucked away at the corner read nine am. All was quiet in the world, which was what alerted her tired conscience that something was wrong—terribly, terribly wrong. She had expected to be woken up by Spencer—either angrily banging around, exasperated that she did not respect his wishes or with the smell of coffee as his sign of remorse for his lashing but none of the two had happened. Shuffling to the entrance, she noted that his black beat up Converse were still in it’s haphazard state from last night and his house keys still laid out on the table where they were tossed. Maybe he called in sick, her naive self thought—something her current, teary eyed self looked back and swore at.

Cleo entered the kitchen with the notion of preparing breakfast and a cup of hot coffee to blanket Spencer’s inner barbed wires. She thought nothing of the silence, not until her phone beeped with a single text message that sent her pulse running.

--Ma chou, is Spencer alright? He didn’t call in sick and he hasn’t been picking up. Please let me know what’s happening xx Penny—

“Spencer?” She called outside his bedroom. 

Nothing.

“Spencer, are you there?” 

Still nothing. 

Twisting the knob, she cussed under her breath as she realized it was locked. Her barren feet pattering on the floor as she ran for keys attached to her keychain. Hand shaking as she inserted it—steeling herself for the unknown that lies beyond, and pushed the door ajar. 

“Spencer—“ Cleo stopped short. Her mental walls slamming in her mind as she noted his poor state of form on the bed, dark bruising under the eyes and clothes from last night still adorning his body.

And two glints of metal beside his frame that caught her eye. 

A needle and a medicine bottle cap. 

Her breath hitched and all the never-ending train of thoughts running in her genius level head came into a screeching halt. 

“Spencer, wake up,” Cleo shook his shoulders with force. “Spencer Walter Reid, wake up!” 

His hand twitched and his red rimmed eyes opened with a distant look in them. “Cleo, what are you doing here?” 

“What’s this? Spencer, what is this?” Her voice going up an octave, from hysteria, as she pointed the needle and bottle. 

He bolted up right, wide awake with alarm and unable to form a sentence to justify what she was seeing—A first for the rambling genius with a 187 IQ.

“Please, Spencer. Please, talk to me,” she begged as her eyes burned with the tears that begged to be set free—blurring her vision of the man in front of her. “Tell me it isn’t what I think it is, please.”

His silence hung in the air like a suspended breath. 

“It’s Dilaudid—a narcotic painkiller,” he finally whispered, picking his nails unable to look into her watery shattered eyes. 

“I know what it is. My question is why?” 

His head hung low, a symbol of defeat.

Her tears escaped their confines creating tracks of pain and sadness as they went. “When did you last take it?” 

“Six hours ago.” 

She clenched her hands tightly in a futile attempt to quell her fear. “Does Derek know about this?” 

“No, please don’t tell him,” he begged. His hands reaching out to grasp hers, beseeching her to listen to his wishes. “I’ll loose my badge and gun for this, please Cleo.” 

She bit her lip, hesitant on what to do. 

Looking back, agreeing to the pleas of a drug-influenced man was her first mistake.

“Fine, Spencer. Now, I need you to tell me the truth, do you have any more of these stashed inside your apartment?” 

He shook his head vehemently. Staring straight into her eyes as if mystifying her to believe.

“You promise?” 

“Yes, that’s the only one.”

“Okay. I believe you.”

That was her second mistake. 

[dont-call-me-baby-posts]

Blacking Out and Breaking Hearts - Chapter 37

Blacking Out and Breaking Hearts - Master List

Word Count: 19K

Warnings: sex drugs and rock n roll baby!! But on a real note there's also some mental health stuff in here so be warned!!!!

Summary: Y/N is a successful musician, trying to navigate the world of stardom along with her complicated feelings for her best friend, Harry.

Alternatively: The one with some closure.

A/N: Hey guys :) Long time no see.

This chapter is starting to tie up all of our loose ends; we need happy endings for everyone! I kind of flip between alllllll the characters in this chapter so we can see a little bit of what they're all doing. Sorry its a little long! As always, please let me know what you think!

Here's what we've got lined up for the rest of the story:

chapter 38 will probably be around 16k of straight smut, plus an ending. 39 and 40 will be the epilogue and then we'll have as many blurbs as y'all want! thank you again everyone who still loves this story! I can't wait to finally see it through with you guys :)

Chapter 37

Rachel wasn’t a confrontational person.

She couldn’t tell if it was just the fact that she’d been born and raised to sit still, look pretty, and be pleasant, or if that was just the personality she’d been cursed with. Either way, she had been soft for as long as she could remember. She was kind and nurturing and never raised her voice, but that also meant she was constantly being stepped over, talked over, and told exactly what to do. She felt like a show dog who never learned to play fetch; all she was meant to do was sit, or speak, or jump. 

That was one of the many, many reasons she loved Logan so much. She was almost the complete opposite of Rachel; She never held her tongue, she never let anyone step on her toes, and she said what she meant with her chest. She was everything Rachel wanted to be and couldn’t. She was strong and brave and also soft in her own way without being weak. 

For some reason, the news of Harry and Y/N’s inevitable rekindling didn’t bring Rachel the same warm, sappy feelings it did for everyone else. Sure, she was happy for them… But she had to fake the excitement in her voice while she listened to Logan go on and on about how amazing it was that her best friend had finally “gotten the balls” to open up to Harry and fix the “good thing they had”. 

Instead of the nice, bubbly feeling Rachel knew she was supposed to have, she felt something else entirely. Something wicked and foreign and almost sinister. Because you know what? Rachel and Logan had a good thing, too, and yet here they were tiptoeing around and lying and covering up every track they left behind them. Here they were, going on nearly two months without having seen each other. Here they were, happy and in love and almost entirely secret.

She didn’t talk to Logan before she did what she did next. It was almost like she was possessed by someone else, someone like her beautiful, talented girlfriend who was brave and bold and decisive. She hung up the phone, after having spent a better part of an hour insisting that she was over the moon for Y/N when in reality she was feeling quite bitter and jealous and angry, and sat motionless on her bed for another 45 minutes. Then, as if someone else had come to rest their hand on her shoulder, she stood up and walked down the stairs to where she knew her parents were enjoying cocktails and fancy little finger foods. 

(She, as she marched down the marble stairs, thought how interesting it was that her parents were still having guests over in the height of a global pandemic but insisted it wasn’t “safe” for her to go see Logan. Funny, she thought to herself. Hilarious, really! If Rachel didn’t know any better, she'd suspect they had different motives keeping her away from Logan! Imagine that!)

And then, still guided by some outside force completely out of her control, she found herself in the middle of the expansive kitchen of her parents enormous house, surrounded by at least 20 people she only sort of knew. People who ran companies her parents invested in or directed movies Rachel never bothered to watch or owned record labels that fucked over people like Logan and Y/N. She, in her pajama pants and hair undone, face bare of any makeup whatsoever, slapped her palms on the cool of the island counter and found herself smiling. Cheesing, actually. Nearly giddy with excitement. 

Her mom noticed her last, letting out what could be considered a gasp as she turned to see her perfect, hand-moulded daughter in front of all these people looking the way she did now. Hair thrown up on top of her head, not clean. Logan’s oversized t-shirt over her narrow frame, covered in various stains. (The stains were an homage to the exciting, vibrant life Logan had lived before they met, one that Rachel would never experience or understand. Stains from house parties in basements and 9-5 jobs and public school. Rachel loved the spots where the material was stained blue or purple with paint, or slightly torn from a fight Logan had gotten into with some girl from Junior year. None of Rachel’s clothes had stains. Not any of them. It was almost as if she’d never existed at all.)

It was after the gasp that Rachel’s mother said: “Oh! Oh, wow! Sweetheart, why don’t you go upstairs and get dressed and you can join us for dessert?”

Rachel, quick with a response she hadn’t taken any time to think over or plan, shook her head. Her smile didn’t falter. 

“Actually, mom, I don’t think I will.”

Nervous laughter, from everywhere. It came in small spurts, someone else’s uncomfortable chuckle filling the silence one after the other. 

“Okay, well…” Her mom started, letting out her own high pitched chortle. “Why don’t you-“

“I’m going to see Logan.” Rachel interrupted. (She couldn’t remember one other time she had ever cut someone off while they were speaking, but she was already far from her usual self tonight). Rachel looked around at the confused faces around her, “Logan is my girlfriend.” She clarified with a smile. Her mom laughed tightly again. 

“Oh, no, she’s-“

“Yes, mom. Logan is my girlfriend and I’m going to go see her. I think I might stay there a while, actually. With the virus and everything, you know, I figure it would be safer than staying here with all of your lovely guests.”

Now she’d done it. Her mothers face changed shades three times over, going from pink to red to a stark white that for some reason made Rachel feel even better than she already did. Her mom, after a quick excuse to her friends, walked herself up the stairs, knowing Rachel would follow. 

When she got to Logan’s house later that night she didn’t recount the events of the evening. She didn’t tell her what her mom had said, all the threats she’d whispered under her breath. She didn’t tell her how she’d cried the whole time packing her bags, or how her dad had run out after her telling her to think it over or sleep on it. She didn’t tell Logan that her mom had, in her own words, told her she wasn’t welcome back in their home if she did anything “unsavory”. She didn’t tell Logan that she’d essentially been cut off by her parents when she told her mom she was going public with her relationship. She didn’t feel that she needed to, not yet at least. 

Rachel didn’t need her family's money. She was successful in her own right, and the whole pandemic had given her a chance to start thinking about careers other than modeling, anyway. She didn’t take time to think it over. She didn’t have to. 

///

Logan was snuggled in her bed when Rachel knocked on the door. At first she wasn’t sure what she’d heard, knowing she had already had her daily DoorDash interaction and wasn’t expecting anything or anyone else. The second knock came once Logan had sat up in bed, ears perked and skin prickly with nervous goosebumps. 

To say she was surprised was a massive fucking understatement. She’d never been so happy. She threw herself into Rachel, whose arms were slung with bags, and didn’t notice the way her cheeks were still a little puffy. She tugged her inside and she sat her down on the couch before running to the kitchen to whip up some of Rachel’s favorite cookies. 

Rachel could’ve cared less about the cookies, but she knew Logan wouldn’t take no for an answer. So, she sat backwards on the couch, gazing into the kitchen just watching the love of her life pant and stress and measure and stir. She’d never looked more beautiful, Rachel thought. Never ever ever. 

They stayed on the couch the rest of the night, catching up and kissing and saying over and over how they’d missed one another. Next to a half eaten tray of cookies is where Logan helped Rachel pick out all their favorite photos together for Rachel to post on Instagram. A post dedicated to her girlfriend. And in a way, a post dedicated to herself. 

And it was that easy. After so many months of lying and hiding and longing desperately for what all these other couples had, Rachel had it. She was free. She was cut-off and angry and hurt and scared but before all of that she was free. And, now, she was out. 

///

You didn’t see Rachel’s post, or Logan’s texts, or the countless tweets breaking the internet. You were… preoccupied. 

“You look so fuckin’ pretty like that.” Harry praised, running a hand through your hair to rest on the back of your skull. “So fucking pretty. Fucks sake.”

You hummed around him, running your hands up the length of his thighs to rest on the soft part of his hips. Harry was laid back against the headboard, body at a slope while you nestled yourself between his parted thighs. Your head bobbed softly around his length, his hand applying no extra pressure but still making your scalp tingle warmly. You weren’t in any hurry, your movements slow and sleepy and delicate. Harry hummed softly above you, telling you again and again that you were so pretty, so pretty, so fucking good. 

The last few days had gone pretty much like this. You’d wake up wrapped up in Harry’s gangly limbs, kiss his eyelids open, and stay in bed until one of you was desperate enough to go pee or eat. You’d sometimes lay in bed and talk or make out or, on days like this one, you’d shuffle yourself down the length of Harry’s body and take him into your mouth like you were starved. Harry would do the same for you, usually pulling you by your hips up his torso and onto his face or bending his leg just enough so you could situate yourself on top of his tiger tattoo and curl into his chest until you came. 

Life was so good. Everything was perfect. Harry was an angel, as usual. The weather was just right for leaving the windows open. No one texted you or called you about meetings or bothered you. It was just you and Harry and a kind of calm contentment you hadn’t felt in years. 

You still hadn’t had sex, but after listening in on Harry’s conversation with Anders you decided not to push it. You thought maybe if you just proved yourself to him, he’d be ready. You didn’t mind giving him time, even though you secretly hoped each night you curled up next to him that he might take you right there and press your face into the mattress until you couldn’t think or even speak. You would never ever want him to do something he didn’t want to, and he was giving you more than enough to hold you over. In fact, the amount of affection and love and attention he’d showered you with the last few days had been enough to last a lifetime. Not a second went by that you didn’t know with every singular cell in your body how much he loved you. He wouldn’t allow it. 

Even when you had a nightmare a few days before, Harry had been awake and alert the moment you needed him. You didn’t even have time to get to the worst part of the dream and startle yourself awake before he’d pulled you on top of his body and began whispering in your ears. He wrapped his arms around your shoulders and his legs around your thighs, tying you to his front. You weren’t scared when you woke up and didn’t pull away from the touch. “I’m right here.” He’d whispered, shifting his weight to rock you slightly. “I’m right here. It’s okay, flower. I’m here, I’m here, I’m here.”

He must have heard you mumbling his name in your sleep, the same way you always did when you had these nightmares. You called his name like always and he was there. You were calm and back to sleep in a matter of minutes, something you wouldn’t have even thought possible a few months ago. 

And now, on another beautiful morning, you were leaving the half-moon indents of your nails on the inside of Harry’s thighs. Feeling more alive than ever. On top of the world. Like the luckiest girl alive. 

///

Anders wasn’t sure what to do with himself. 

He’d not been doing his weekly therapy sessions like he was meant to, and hadn’t been for weeks. Talking about his feelings with some stiff old man was bad enough, and doing it over a Zoom call was just downright unbearable. He’d rather do anything else, and so he did. He crocheted and wrote songs and annoyed his parents to no end practicing his trumpet from middle school. He painted and talked to Harry and Y/N and learned the dances from three separate Justin Bieber music videos to a fucking T. He kept himself busy by any means necessary, because he had to. He even built a tiny house for a lady bug he found on his window still out of a cereal box. The ladybug died the next morning, but Anders liked to think it died comfortably at least. 

But on this day, Anders was inclined by some outside force (perhaps the same force that had moved Rachel all the way in LA) to find his laptop under all the dirty laundry and half-finished projects on the floor and open up the stupid fucking website and message his stupid fucking therapist that he was actually going to show today. 

He found himself talking about Y/N, and Jena, and Macy from the grocery store. (She’d been the one to stop him from nearly overdosing that day he’d bought all those drugs, after all. He thought about her all the time lately. He thought about her every time he ate one of his oranges he’d bought that day, which was a lot. His mom told him he had to finish the entire bag as some sort of fucked up punishment, he supposed). His therapist, with his cable knit sweater and glasses slid half-way down his nose, had to basically force Anders to talk about his parents. 

“It sucks, man. What else do you want to know?”

The doctor, Dale, narrowed his eyes at Anders’ answer to his question about how things were ‘at home’. When he realized Anders wasn’t going to continue, he sighed and lifted his hands. 

“Could you be any more specific about what sucks so bad, man?” Dale retorted. Over the weeks that Anders had spent with him before the pandemic, Dale had learned it worked better if he talked to Anders the way Anders talked to him. Dale thought, genuinely, that they bonded this way. Anders just thought it was funny. 

“Everything about it sucks.” Was all he could think to say in return. 

By the end of the session, Dale had somehow convinced him that spending more time with his parents might help. If he didn’t put so much space between them, he said, he may feel less suffocated. So, in a desperate fucking attempt to feel a little less crazy, Anders decided to do just that. 

Every night his dad would hobble up the stairs and knock softly on the door and invite Anders to dinner, and every night Anders would decline. (Ever since the incident with the drugs, Andy couldn’t stand looking either of them in the eyes.) When Anders would inevitably turn him away, his dad would say something about how he would save some if he changed his mind and Anders would mumble a quick “thank you” and that would be that. He knew his dad was trying his best, and he believed it when he said he missed Anders and wanted to spend time with him. His mom never made any attempt to talk to him after the drug incident. Anders was okay with that, he thought.

To put it plainly, Anders’ dad was fucking bamboozled when he accepted his offer to come to dinner later that night. He’d been leaning against the door, his ear pressed to the wood to hear Anders’ response when it had been thrown open to showcase a bright-eyed and surprisingly content son on the other side. “I’d like that.” Anders smiled, feeling like this was his first big step into fixing everything. “Thank you for asking.”

His dad had followed him down the steps, even the sound of his socked feet on the stairs sounding confused. Anders spun around the corner into the kitchen, throwin’ a little razzle dazzle on his triumphant return to the family unit as he found a seat at the table. He leaned back, folding his hands behind his head. He felt almost excited to be here. 

“Whatcha makin’?”

His mom, at the sound of her only son’s voice, turned to face him and froze, serving spoon still in hand and dripping twice onto the tiled floor before she looked back at her husband. 

“I told you I didn’t make enough for three.” She said to him.

Oh. 

And, just like that, it was over. The high Anders had felt following his talk with Dale fizzled out and settled into an ache in his abdomen. He was stunned for a second, looking back and forth between his parents. Surely he misunderstood. 

“I’m sure there’s enough.” His dad said, an over the top sunshine in his voice. When she didn’t answer right away his dad spoke again, his sunshine feeling a bit more shaded. “He wants to have dinner with us, hun.”

“Well, there’s not enough.” She reiterated, literally throwing her spoon onto the stove. “If he wanted to eat he should’ve said something. Since when does he want to spend time with us?”

“He can have mine, then.”

Before anyone else could speak, Anders stood up. He felt so small and yet too big, like he was taking up too much space no matter how far he folded into himself. 

“It’s alright, Dad.” Anders smiled, turning to face his mom. She met his eyes, finally, though she couldn’t have looked more uninterested. “I have oranges upstairs.”

And he turned and walked back up the same stairs to his same room and collapsed on that same bed he spent all day every day in. He could hear the bickering, just like when he was a child. He covered his head with a pillow but he could still hear them. 

“That was cruel.”

“He doesn’t want anything to do with us! Why should I continue making him dinner if he never eats any? I’m tired of cleaning out the tupperwares you insist on saving for him.”

“I’ll clean them, then.”

There was a pause. Dishes clanging in the sink. 

“Why do you do this? Why do you defend him after the way he’s talked to us?”

“You’re holding him hostage here! What is he supposed to do?”

“Be grateful, I don’t know!”

Anders turned under his covers. He decided already he wouldn’t cry, but it was threatening to gurgle out of him anyway. 

“He is our son. We’re supposed to be helping. You read all those books… You- you went to classes! And now you’re not even going to let the boy eat?”

“I'm tired of the books! I'm tired of the classes, and the coddling, and the fighting! I give up. I give up, okay? I’m done!”

“You give up? Haven’t we failed the boy enough?”

“He failed us! We gave him everything. He could’ve been anything and, and, and… and look at him! You’re proud of that? I’m tired of feeling responsible for how he turned out. He did that on his own.”

“Damn right I’m proud. He may have his… struggles, but he is not a failure. The boys a goddamn rockstar!”

“He��s not a rockstar, he’s a junkie. And I’m tired of pretending that he’s not.”

Now, to anyone else hearing this conversation, there’s a few things you might miss. 

Number one:  Anders’ dad never cursed. He had, in all of his son’s life, uttered at most 4 curse words and even that was a stretch. Him using the word “damn”, and taking the lord's name in vain? Anders’ could’ve thought hell had finally frozen over! 

Number two: Anders couldn’t remember a single time in his life that either of his parents had said they were proud of him. So, even if he hadn’t said it to his face, his dad saying those words was like winning the fucking lottery. 

Number three: In all of his years as a semi-professional drug addict, Anders had never been called a junkie by anyone. He hadn’t even seen it online, and he was called his fair share of names. So, to hear his mom say it… It was like a kick in the back of the head. It was like a blow right in his chest. It was worse than going to therapy and making phone calls and being punched in the nose. It was worse than anything he’d ever felt before. 

He sprang up out of bed, grabbing his car keys and stuffing his feet into the nearest pair of shoes. He sauntered down the stairs, making no attempt to hide his presence. The conversation in the kitchen stopped as both parties watched him. With a captive audience, Anders thought, it was the perfect time to put on the performance of a lifetime. 

“I’m heading out.” He said, spinning the keys around his finger. “Don’t know when I’ll be back.”

Anders, when his mom said nothing, thought he might have been hoping she would stop him. She didn’t. 

“I would ask you not to wait up, but seeing as you’ve already eaten I suppose you’re about ready for bed.” He continued. His dad followed him to the door. 

“Do you want me to come with you?” He said, stopping a few feet away from Anders as if he was some feral cat that might be startled away. “We can go grab a bite somewhere. It would be nice to spend some time together.”

Anders actually thought about it. His dad, who his entire life had stood by like some decorative piece of furniture, was finally doing what Anders had always wished he would.

“I’m just going to go do some shopping, but maybe we could watch a movie tomorrow, okay?”

His dad smiled, a real smile, and nodded. “Okay, son.”

“Okay.” He said back. 

Anders gave one last look to his mom, waiting. Any second now she’d say sorry and tell him not to go. She’d tell him at the very least to be careful, or be home by 10. She didn’t. 

“I’ll be home by 10.” He decided for himself. Maybe she’d hold him to it. Maybe she’d call a hundred times if he wasn’t home in two hours. Maybe she’d do what she used to and demand he be home by 9 instead. 

She didn’t say anything. She turned back into the kitchen and continued clanging against the pots and pans she had on the stove. His dad gave him a sad, knowing look, but forced a smile anyway. 

“Call me if you need anything.” He said, giving a quick slap on the shoulder. “I’ll still be up when you get home if you decide you want to hang out. Be safe, okay?”

Anders nodded and because he was possessed by some much more kind hearted spirit tonight he wrapped his arms around his father with an awkward pat-pat on his shoulder blades. His dad took the opportunity to hug him tightly against his chest, even ruffling Anders’ hair the way he had when he was only a kid. 

“I trust you.” He whispered. “And I’m sorry.”

///

The drive to Taco Bell didn’t take too long. Anders turned at the second stop light, hooked a left by the library, and took two more rights until he had made his way into the drive thru. He was the only car there, which was fitting. 

He ordered himself two soft tacos, a quesadilla, a cheesy gorrida crunch, and three spicy potato soft tacos. Instead of bringing it home he sat in the empty parking lot and ate there. He wasn’t hungry anymore after the first two tacos but he forced himself to eat the rest anyway. He kept eating and eating and even when it hurt he kept going. He didn’t need his mom to feed him when he could feed himself, he kept thinking. He didn’t need anyone when he could take care of himself. He was eating, wasn’t he? As long as he was eating it was proof he didn’t need anyone at all! He was doing just fine.

When he’d finished the last scraps of food, he nestled himself further into his seat. It was 9:55. His mom would call any minute. 

He tried to call Y/N, but she didn’t answer. He tried calling Rachel. No answer. He almost called Logan, but knew he wouldn’t have shit to talk about with her. He was about to call Harry when he changed his mind, not really in the mood for someone who was going to try to fix his problems instead of just listening. He settled on sitting and waiting instead (for what, he wasn’t sure), watching the clock change numbers. He didn’t even put on any music. 

He bent forward, picking at a spot of dried paint on his pant leg. He hadn’t even noticed the red splotch there before, the paint somehow reaching his ankle while he painted a portrait of his now deceased lady bug that morning. He kept picking at it but somehow made it worse, chips of red shoved under his nails so deeply it was starting to hurt and the stain now more deeply embedded into the fibers of his sweats. He kept trying and trying and it just got worse and worse and it hurt more and more but he needed the stain out. He needed it out. It had to come out. 

When he looked up again, it was 10:37. His mom never called. The red paint was still on his pants. 

///

You’d already cum twice before you picked up your phone that morning. After Harry had finished, he’d pulled you up onto him (as he was in the habit of doing), nestling his face against your belly as he pressed kisses into the spaces under your hip bones. 

You didn’t even notice all of the missed messages and the chaos online until Harry left to go to the bathroom an hour or two later. You were still foggy-headed and naked when you finally picked up your phone, quickly propping yourself up on an elbow when you realized that while you’d been busy apparently the entire world had turned upside down. 

You sprang out of bed, nearly slipping as you hauled yourself down the hallway and into the bathroom where Harry had just finished washing his hands and was getting ready to brush his teeth. 

“Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit!” You were spitting out, scaring the ever loving fuck out of Harry. He jumped almost out of his skin, smearing toothpaste on cheek. 

“What is it?” He questioned, free hand pressed to his chest in shock. “Is everything okay?”

You just shook your head, scrolling through the 40 messages Logan had sent so far that morning. (Or, really, that night for Logan). 

“Everyone knows about Logan and Rachel.” You finally said, setting your phone down on the counter and tangling your fingers into your hair as you shoved it out of your face. Harry froze mid-brush, his face flashing with panic before settling into a determined, problem-solving stare.

(Harry had been in the habit of doing that lately. Something about him just seemed so much more at ease, more sensible, more calm. He was so much slower to boil. He had a tranquility about him that you hadn’t noticed before.)

“Someone outted them?” He asked, setting his toothbrush down on the counter. He cringed for a second, shaking his head. “Do you know who it was? I can talk to my team about having my lawyers reach out to them, not that Rachel doesn’t have her own lawyers…”

You stared back at him, confused. “Oh, no…” You started, letting out a small chuckle. “They didn’t-”

“I’ll talk to Logan myself if she already said no, but I can’t just let that happen to them.” Harry grimaced again, leaning his elbows on the counter. “Is she okay? Is Rachel okay? That’s so fucked up that someone would do that.”

“Rachel did it.” You stopped him, cutting him off before he completely spiraled. “She posted on Instagram. Apparently she’s moving into the house with Logan. Her, uh, her parents…”

“Right.” Harry said, letting out a huff. He paused for a second, acting like he was about to speak again before stopping. It only took him a second for him to change his mind, turning his body to face you and resting a hand on the counter. “It’s really fucking convenient of these parents to just kick their kids to the curb like this, innit? And for no fucking reason. It’s so fucked up.”

You closed the gap between your bodies, wrapping your arms around Harry’s waist as he put his attention back towards brushing his teeth. “If it makes you feel any better, Logan says Rachel’s okay. She never liked living with her parent’s anyway, so she says they both just feel relieved.”

Harry hummed along, bending forward slightly to spit into the sink. “Are people being nice to them? Online and allat?”

You pressed a kiss between his shoulder blades, meeting his eyes in the mirror ahead of you. You nodded. 

“They’re being very nice.” You told him. “They’re trending on Twitter.”

///

Harry left a few minutes later, making you promise not to shower without him. You agreed, sending him off with a kiss and a promise that you’d join him on his next run. You didn’t mean it, but Harry still seemed satisfied as he headed out. 

You’d been so distracted by the whole Logan/Rachel situation that you almost forgot Anders had called you until you were snuggled up back in bed. You figured since Harry would be back soon to take a shower that you would wait to get dressed and have a few extra minutes in the swaddle of covers on Harry’s bed. So, back in your snug little cocoon, you decided to give Anders a call back. 

“HEY FUCKER.” Anders yelled into the receiver almost the second you’d pressed the call button. You giggled to yourself, pressing the phone between your ear and the pillow.

“Hey sweet pea. What’s up?” You asked, letting your eyes flutter closed. You could hear some kind of… banging on the other end, though it didn’t particularly surprise you considering who you were talking to. “What are you building a fucking rocking chair or something?”

“Its a shelf, actually.” He corrected, swinging what you assumed to be a hammer a few times before continuing. “I’ve almost got it all finished, I just need to add some final touches.”

“Oh…” You started, deciding whether or not you should even ask. “That sounds… fun?”

“It’s keeping me busy, at least. I got in a fight with my mom again so I decided to take matters into my own hands.” He swung the hammer again before letting out a sigh. “She wanted to act like a bitch and not let me eat dinner so I thought, y’know, okay. I’ll go buy some fuckin’ groceries and a shelf and I’ll feed my fucking self. I got a mini fridge and everything.”

You paused, unsure what to say next. As close as you and Anders were, Harry was normally the person that he went to to talk about his family stuff, and you weren’t sure exactly how to navigate it. 

“Why wouldn’t she let you eat?”

“Because she hates me.”

“She doesn’t-”

“No, she does.” Anders stopped you, chuckling to himself. “But I’m okay with it. Kinda come to terms with it, you know?”

It got quiet for a second, both of you unsure what to say next. 

“She called me a junkie.” Anders added, instantly making your skin itch all over. You tried not to but let out an audible gasp, your hand not quick enough to stop it before it came out. “She said all kinds of stuff, actually. But it’s cool.”

What were you even supposed to say to make this any better? “You aren’t a junkie, Anders.”

“No, I am.” He brushed you off. “It’s all good though, seriously. You don’t have to make me feel better or anything. I just wanted to talk to you is all.”

“Okay.. Well, if you were wanting to talk to Harry he should be home in a little bit…”

“Harry? No, no..” Anders responded. “I just want to talk to you for a bit if that’s okay.”

“Yeah, totally.” You rushed out, realizing too late how desperate you must sound. “I mean, for sure. I can talk.”

///

Anders filled you in on the rest of his night, telling you all about how he had spent half the night in a Taco Bell parking lot before coming home and watching a movie with his dad. He said his dad waited up for him just like he’d promised he would, only to pass out less than 15 minutes into the movie.  You felt your chest swell slightly at the news but you didn’t make a big deal out of it. You’d always hoped Anders could work it out with his parents, and even if his mom still wasn’t on board, at least he had someone on his side now. 

(Anders made a point not to tell you that he’d purposefully fallen asleep on the couch, too, his head ‘just so happening’ to fall on his fathers shoulder next to him. He’d imagined they’d both wake up the next morning and laugh about how they’d dozed off. Andy woke up only an hour or so after he’d drifted, though, neck stiff. He was never, ever able to get a full night's rest, even now. Once he woke he hobbled up the steps and got into bed like nothing had ever happened. He'd already decided he’d never utter a word of it to anyone.)

When Harry got home you were still on the phone, and instead of listening in he decided to clean up the kitchen. (You’d decided to make homemade pizzas the night before, and to put it lightly the kitchen looked like a murder scene). You felt kind of guilty leaving him to deal with the mess, but you felt special being the one to have Anders’ attention for once and you didn’t want to let it go just yet. 

“And so I built the little guy a house and everything, right? I made him a little couch and a bed and all that…” Anders was going on, telling you some story about a lady bug he’d found in his bedroom. “He was dead when I woke up, though. I googled it and I don’t think it’s bad luck to find a dead lady bug but I still think it’s, like, a sign or something. Like a bad omen.”

“You sound like you’ve been cooped up too long, buddy.” You laughed, imagining the comical frown on Anders’ face when he found the bug. “You’re thinking about it too much.”

“That’s all I have to fucking do these days, man! I’ve been cooped up way too long.” He spit out, exasperated. “You never wanna fucking talk to me anymore so I have to resort to desperate measures.”

You furrowed your brow. “What do you mean I never talk to you?” You asked with a soft laugh, though you really weren’t joking. “You’re the one who never calls me.”

That wasn’t entirely true and you knew it, but it came out anyway. What you meant was that he didn’t call you as much as Harry.

“I never call you? What the fuck do you mean I never call you?” He pushed back, his awkward laugh mimicking yours a moment ago but his tone a little bit harsh. “I would call you more if you actually wanted to talk to me.”

“What are you even saying right now?” You sighed, sitting up in bed so the comforter hung off of your chest. “I always want to talk to you. You just call Harry instead.”

“You want to talk to me now but you didn’t before I left LA.” He said matter of factly. “You’ve barely wanted to talk to me for months now.”

“That is not true, Anders.” You spoke, offended. You realized once you’d said it that you had no reason to be offended; he was actually right. But that realization only annoyed you further, so you doubled down. “We hung out all the time before you left LA.”

“Well, first of all, we definitely did not. Not alone at least.” He spoke again. He didn’t sound angry, only a little bit miffed. “And second of all, you’re my best friend. You seriously think I haven’t noticed how you’ve been around me? It’s just like… if I did something, I’d rather you tell me what I did so we can talk about it.”

For some reason your blood ran cold. If I did something, he said. You could almost laugh. 

“I’m not your best friend, though. Don’t say that.”

He barked out a laugh. “Shut up.”

“I’m serious, Anders. I love you but I am not your best friend.”

He didn’t say anything right away. “Okay then? Fucking ouch.”

“I’m just saying…”

You could hear him breathing unevenly. “So could you, like, tell me why? Or?”

“Why what?”

“Why you don’t want to be my best friend anymore?”

It was you who laughed this time, trying to lighten the mood and make your words a bit softer. You spoke like you were kidding but you meant every word. “It’s not that I don’t, it’s just that you’ve clearly replaced me. Like I just mean don’t call me your best friend when it’s obvious I’m not.”

“Replace you? What the fuck are you even talking about?”

“What is not clicking here, man?” You tried to tease him.  “We’re still friends I’m just saying that you and Harry are closer than us now, and that’s okay, but don’t-“

“Harry? Are you out of your fucking mind?”

“Yes, Harry.”

“Fuck Harry! What the fuck? You’re-“

“You can’t tell me it isn’t true!”

“It’s not!“

“It’s is!”

Anders let out a long sigh. “Y/N you are my best friend… I couldn’t ever replace you even if I lived a thousand life times. Don’t be crazy.”

You hated it when he called you crazy, even when he didn’t really mean it. 

“I’m not your best friend and you know that.” You let out, words coming faster than you could even comprehend them. “I can admit that I might have been distant but you’ve been doing the exact same thing as me. You think I haven’t noticed how much you talk to Harry? You call him every day and tell him all about your life and what’s going on and when we talk you tell me everything’s fine. It’s like… It’s like you replaced me the second you got back from…”

“From where, Y/N? Say it.” He prompted you. “Where’d I come back from? Hm? Could you just fucking say it for once instead of acting like it didn’t happen?” 

You frowned hard, biting your lip. “Did you even hear what I said?”

“I did, I was just letting you finish before I tell you how ridiculous you sound.”

Your eyes rolled so hard they almost fell out of your head. “Fuck you, Andy.”

He let out a sigh. “No, I didn’t- I just meant that you’re wrong about that. About Harry, I mean.”

“Oh, am I Anders?” You questioned, free hand balling into the comforter. He tried backpedaling but you had already departed the station, the damn already split open. You were upset now and couldn’t hide it even though you wished you could. “You tell him everything. I’ve heard how you guys talk to each other. And, yeah, I needed some space from you after everything but… But I’m just saying it didn’t take you very long to find someone else. You act like I just fucked off and left you out to dry but you did the exact same thing to me.”

He was quiet for a while, thinking. “I wasn’t trying to say that at all, dude. I think maybe we’re misunderstanding each other-“

“Oh, and speaking of rehab,” You cut him off, words already caught in the avalanche. “Who did you have come visit you twice a fucking week? Not me, Andy. If I was your best friend… fuck. I didn’t get to see you once, Andy, and I’m the one who fucking found-“

You stopped suddenly, chest heaving. It was the first time either of you had come even remotely close to talking about that night. You decided to do what Anders tried and back pedal, but it was already too late. You kept going.

“Whatever. I’m just saying that, to me, it seems like you've already got a best friend. I’m sorry for not being around more but-“

“Hey! Hey! I wasn’t trying to pick a fight, okay? I just wanted to know if I did something…”

Here he went with that shit again. If I did something. He could get bent. 

“I’m not either.”

“Kind of seems like you are.”

“I’m just saying! Geez!” You yelled, knowing you were just making it worse. You didn’t know why you couldn’t just stop yourself. “It’s okay if Harry’s your best friend. It’s fine. I just don’t think we need to lie to each other to make me feel better.”

“He is not my best fucking friend, Y/N. I could give a motherfuck about Harry.” Anders spoke. He wasn’t often serious with you like this, so his tone made the words you wanted to throw at him disappear instantly on your tongue. “Not really, but you know what I mean. And I… I never even invited Harry to come see me at rehab, he just showed up.”

“Yeah, and you never even told me!” You snipped. 

“You told me not to talk about Harry! What was I supposed to-“

“No. You kept that from me purposefully, Anders. That’s different and you know it is. I fucking… I fucking drove you there and you didn’t even let me see you.” You caught your breath, panting. “I’m sorry, I know I’m being mean right now it’s just…”

“It’s been on your mind, I get it.” He excused you. He was so kind, even now, letting you off the hook easily as always. “It’s been on my mind, too. I’m glad it’s out in the open at least.”

“I guess.” You grumbled. But he was right, and he was right to bring it up. You sighed, admitting defeat. “You’re right, I just… Its hard for me to talk about. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” He waved off. “What else do you need to say?”

You chuckled, wracking your brain. What could you say? There were a million things you’d thought to yourself over the last few months, and the last few weeks in particular, and yet nothing came to mind. 

“That’s it, I think.” You answered honestly. “I’m sorry I talked to you like that, but… I don’t know. It hurt my feelings when you said I don’t like talking to you because it isn’t true. I still care about you and I still love you as much as I always did…”

“Then why doesn’t it feel like that, Y/N?” He asked, voice wavering. “I’m sorry for spending so much time with Harry, but I couldn’t be alone, man. I… I felt like you fucking disappeared. I’m not blaming you I’m just saying I wasn’t trying to replace you, ever. I- I genuinely didn’t know what else to do. I needed someone.”

“So did I!”

“I know you did! I know! And I would’ve been there if you’d fucking let me.”

“Maybe I would’ve let you if you weren’t with your fucking boy  all the time!”

He let out a small gasping sound. “That’s totally fucking unfair. I only spent so much time with him because you weren’t around.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. But it’s not just that you were hanging out with him, anyway. It’s the way you talk to him… You know when I got here he knew things about your life that I didn’t even know? It was embarrassing, dude. You call him to talk about your feelings and you tell him what’s bothering you and when I call you just say it’s fine.” You let out. “You don’t talk to me like that, and you never have. You didn’t before you went to rehab and you don’t now… And you know what, now that I think of it, it kind of did bother me how much time you spent with Harry. You could’ve befriended anyone in the world, Anders, and you chose him? I mean, part the reason we stopped seeing each other as much is because you were constantly with my ex boyfriend. It wasn’t the main reason, but it still fucking sucked for me.”

“I was trying to get you guys back together the entire time!” He defended weakly. “I wasn’t picking a side, man, I was trying to fucking help. I don’t fucking know. I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I spent so much time with him and I can totally understand why that would upset you. I should’ve thought about that and I’m sorry.”  He paused, sheets ruffling as he must have been laying down. “But we both know that’s not the reason you didn’t want to hang out with me. And, you know, I understand that and I’m not trying to act fucking stupid by pretending I don’t get it, but… I mean, I want to know how I can fix it. Like how long is that going to last before you want to be around me again? I know I fucked up and if there’s nothing I can do I get it but I would like to at least try before I let this fucking ruin our friendship.”

You weren’t sure what to say. He spoke again while you tried to figure it out. 

“Sorry I didn’t fucking open with that.” He giggled, letting out an exhausted huff. “I didn’t mean to come at you like that I just didn’t know how else to bring it up. I should’ve just asked you how you were feeling.”

“It’s okay. It’s fine, I just don’t…” The words you searched for still eluded you. “Why didn’t you let me visit you, Anders? When I found that out, I… That hurt super fucking bad, man. I mean, I asked you every single day… And, I mean, the whole Harry thing aside, I feel like I should’ve been the one to get to be there. I think I earned that.”

“Earned it?” He whispered incredulously. “Y/N, I didn’t want you there because I was a fucking mess. I- I- I was a fucking disaster! I had already done enough to you at that point it felt unfair to drag you into that. And I was embarrassed, man. I didn’t want anyone to see me, and the only reason I was okay with Harry being there was because I didn’t know him and I honestly didn’t give a shit what he thought. I care what you think, a lot. I always have. I couldn’t let you see me like that.”

It made sense, but it didn’t make you feel much better. You didn’t even realize how badly you’d been hurt by the news of Harry going to visit him until you’d spoken it out loud, and it was hitting you like a truck. 

“I still wanted to be there.” You replied, words like glass ready to shatter. “I wanted to be there for you the entire time, after rehab, but…”

“But you were mad at me. I know.”

“Mad at you?” You snapped, shaking your head for no audience. “I wasn’t… No, Andy. I couldn’t be around you because…” You had to stop, inhaling a shaky breath. You didn’t want to think about it. “Because every time I was around you, all I could think of… I still saw it every time I looked at you. I could see how purple your lips were, and you were so pale…”

You couldn’t continue, throat closed tight. You shook your head again but didn’t know why. Maybe to shake the sight out of your brain. 

“I’m so sorry I did that to you, Y/N. I am so, so fucking sorry.” He whispered again. You could tell he was crying. “I spend every second of every day wishing I didn’t do that. And, you know, sometimes I think that… I don’t know, if I’d only done it an hour earlier, or locked my door, you never would’ve-“

“Anders! Stop it!” You broke, cutting him off before he could rip your heart out entirely. You were crying now, too. “You can’t say stuff like that. It’s a good thing I was there. I was supposed to be there.”

“You were never supposed to be there.” He argued. “That wasn’t supposed to happen like that. And if- If I thought for a second that you’d come there and see that then I wouldn’t have… Or I would’ve done it differently, or something. And then you wouldn’t have had to see anything and you wouldn’t have had to drive me to rehab and we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now. And you wouldn’t have even known me that well back then to even really miss me for that long.”

“It would have ruined my life, Anders.” You clarified. He couldn’t have been more wrong, about any of it. “I never would’ve fucking forgiven myself for that shit. I still can’t forgive myself now! You can’t- You don’t get to say you wish you’d done it better, or that I’d be better off or whatever dumb shit you’re gonna say. I was there for a reason and I am grateful every day that you weren’t alone.”

“I know. I know.” Anders repeated over and over while you finished, voice hushed and tired. “I know, I didn’t mean all of that… I just feel so guilty about everything, and the only way I can think to fix it is if I would’ve-“

“You don’t need to feel guilty.”

“Yes, I do.”

“You do not.”

“You just fucking said you can’t forgive yourself for what happened! You just said that! I fucking ruined your life as it is! I didn’t need to die to do that, it’s already fucking done!” He went off suddenly, nearly making you jump out of your skin. “I know what I did to you. And I’m sorry. But that is exactly fucking why I call Harry to bitch about my life, or talk about my fucking mom, or whatever. I can’t talk to you about that shit.”

“Why not, Anders? Why not?” You croaked. “That’s what friends do. I want you to know how you're doing, I want to help…”

“I can’t fucking talk to you about it! I can’t! I have burdened you since I fucking met you, I’ve scarred you for fucking life. I’m not calling you to complain about how shit my life is.” He huffed for a second, bordering more on angry now than he did upset. “As far as I’m concerned, for the rest of my fucking life I’m going to be perfectly fine every time you ask me how I’m doing. I have to be okay for you. I don’t get to complain to you, ever again.”

“I don’t want you to always be okay. I want you to be honest with me.”

“Because you’ve been honest with me, right? Like you ever tell me what’s going on with you. You hardly even talked about the breakup with Harry with me. You don’t tell me shit.” He spilled out. “Every time I ask, you lie to me just like I lie to you. You’re telling me you’ve been perfectly fine this whole time? There hasn’t been one thing that’s bothered you? Not one bad day?”

You didn’t realize just how clueless Anders was on what you’d been through while he was off dealing with his own stuff. You’d kept just as much from him as he had from you, from the breakup to the nightmares to the way you were constantly haunted by that pale, purple version of your best friend. 

“You’re right. I haven’t been honest with you, either.” You admitted. You wiped your face, frustrated tears threatening to make their way down your neck. “Can we just agree not to lie to each other anymore? I’ll tell you what’s going on with me but only if you agree to do the same. I want to be there for you.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

It was quiet, both of you catching your breath and slowing your brains. Everything was coming at you so fast it was like you couldn’t keep up. You thought about everything, about how angry you had been and how hurt and how confused… You thought about everything that had pinched at the back of your brain for months now that you always steadfastly ignored. 

“You should’ve told me what was going on, before all of this.” You said without meaning to. “It never should’ve gotten so bad if you just told me.”

“It’s not that simple, Y/N.”

“It is, though. I… I fucking asked you if you were on drugs, and you lied to me. I asked you all the time if you were okay. I tried calling you every single day after you broke your nose.” It was all bubbling over now, nothing stopping it. You were angry again, about everything. All at once. “I know I should’ve tried harder and I will always carry that with me, but you should’ve talked to me, man. You should’ve told me.”

“What was I supposed to do, huh? What do you want from me?” He snapped, a chord obviously struck. “You wanted me to tell the girl I hardly knew that I was fucking su*cidal? That would’ve gone over super well, I’m sure.”

“That’s not what I mean-“

“I can tell you how that conversation would’ve gone, actually. Hey girl I just met, do you want to hear about how fucked up I am?” He stopped to laugh. “You wanted me to tell you that I was on drugs, again? Should I have told you how many fucking times I’d already done the exact same thing since I was, like, 17? That would’ve been really comforting to you, I’m sure. It wouldn’t have totally made you lose faith in me or anything, like everybody else.” He stopped for a second to laugh, again, the idea of this imaginary conversation obviously tickling him. “Or, better yet, I could’ve told you at the hospital that that wasn’t even the first time I’d tried to fucking k*ll myself! Or the second! Or the fucking third! I’m sure that would’ve helped soooo much had you known that.”

Instead of saying anything you just cried quietly into your bent elbow, head resting on your knees. When you didn’t say anything Anders sighed sadly, speaking again. 

“I shouldn’t have said that. I know that’s not what you meant, and I’m sorry. But you have to see where I’m coming from, right? If I…” He choked on his words for a second, clearing his throat. “Y/N, if I knew how to ask for help you would’ve been the first one I went to. If I knew how to ask I would have. You have to believe me.”

You did believe him. It was unfair of you to blame him for not coming to you, but you still couldn’t help how angry you were at him. It was fucked up but you just felt so… fucked over by him. It was so wrong and you knew it but you couldn't help being mad that he didn’t think more about your feelings. You knew it wasn’t about you and it never was, and yet it still hurt you. Maybe you were just selfish, you weren’t sure. 

“You didn’t even leave me a note, Andy.” Was what you decided on saying. You’d never brought that fact up to anyone, deciding it was too morbid for your mom or Logan or even Harry. But it had always been there, in the back of your mind, gnawing away at the space you used to use for your fond memories of Anders. It’s like with every second you didn’t say anything about it it just continued eating at the image of him you had in your head. Each day that passed just eroded at the soil more and more. “I called and I texted and I showed up to your house… I was the only one who didn’t think I was being irrational. I was worried fucking sick about you for weeks and weeks after the Halloween party, and you couldn’t even write me a fucking su*cide note?”

Saying it out loud like that made your stomach lurch. You were nearly hysterical but you kept talking anyway. 

“I deserved a fucking note, Anders. If you were going to leave me all on my own the least you could’ve done was write me a fucking note. And I know there wasn’t one hidden because I cleaned every square inch of that apartment after I dropped you off at rehab.” You choked back a sob, so upset the phone in your hand shook fiercely against your ear. “There was nothing there, Anders. Nothing. I know I sound selfish and I’m being a brat, but honestly Anders when you… when you took those pills I felt so abandoned by you. How do you think I felt? I know it’s not about me and I’m fucked for feeling that way but I felt like you never even cared about me at all when you did that shit. And I tried ignoring that part, I chalked it up to being bigger than me, but… but I didn’t even get a note? I wasn’t even important enough to you for a note?”

He didn’t say anything, for a long, long time. You both just cried and cried and cried and you wished more than anything you could’ve had this conversation face to face. You wanted to hold him like you did at the hospital. You wanted to play with his hair. You wanted to put a hand on him, just to prove he really was okay.

“There was a note. On my phone.” He whispered after that long, long time had passed. His voice was so quiet you could hardly hear it over your own ragged breath. “There was one for you, and for Rachel. And there was one for my mom. I thought that you guys would, like, go through my phone or whatever, after…”

You opened your mouth but nothing came out. You hated the way your shoulders relaxed, like something had been proven to you by that fact. You hated how relieved you felt. It made you sick.

“You are important to me and you always have been. And I don’t think you’re fucked for feeling that way. I knew you must feel that way and I thought… I thought if I just went back to normal I could make up for it. I thought I’d make it go away.” His breath rattled his chest for a second. “I’m sorry we didn’t talk about this sooner. If I could go back, even to February, I’d do it all differently. I swear on my life I would.”

“I’m so sorry…” Was what you said, unsure what else could fill in the silence. “I shouldn’t have even brought the note thing up, it’s just been.. on my mind, I guess.”

“No, I get it.” He spoke sweetly, voice still soft by the tears mostly gone. “I actually thought about telling you I wrote it a few times, but I didn’t know if you’d even realized and I thought it’d be weird to just randomly tell you…”

He started laughing at that, a real, genuine laugh. You started laughing too, unable to ignore how silly the whole thing was. You wished softly that you’d talked about all of this sooner, but you did your best not to think too much about it. 

“It would’ve been weird, yeah.” You snickered, wiping your nose on the back of your hand. “Imagine we just went out for lunch and you drop that on me over a salad. Like a casual, hey by the way…”

Anders laughed harder, the sound healing some part of you that had snapped during the conversation. “Right like we go out to fucking Bella Vino and I just slide my notes app across the table to you.” He had to stop, cackling with laughter. “Like, I wrote this for you, just so you know.”

“Not the notes app.” You shrieked, wiping at your eyes. 

“You know what they say, right? The only thing better than a notes app apology…”

You both giggled a while longer, eventually sighing exhausted and overwhelmed but somehow peaceful. 

“You know you’re important to me, right?” Anders asked once your stomach was sore. “I mean that. You saved my life, Y/N, and I could never, ever…. I could never replace you, or stop caring, or any of that. You saved my fucking life. And I never even said thank you! I never… I’m fucked for that, I know I am. I just didn’t know how I could possibly-“

“You don’t have to thank me.” You assured him. “You don’t owe me anything.”

“I owe you my life, man. I owe you everything.” He choked up again, blowing out a deep breath. “Because, you know, I bitch a lot to Harry, and this has been the hardest fucking thing I’ve ever done, but.. but I’m really happy I’m alive. I’m so happy I’m alive.“ He stopped again, giggling. He sounded like a little kid. “I got to watch a movie with my dad because I’m alive. I owe you for that, big time.”

///

The rest of the conversation went easily after that, or at least easier. You talked more about everything, both of you letting out everything you’d been meaning to. For as scared as you were of this inevitable conversation, it really wasn’t as hard as you expected once the first bit was over. 

The topics floated around elsewhere, too. Anders caught you up on how life with his parents had been and even told you a bit more about his relationship with his mom in particular. He told you stories from his childhood about being locked out of the house for a day and a half because his mom was mad at him or not being able to go on a feild trip in eighth grade because “she thought he liked his friends at school more than her”. He told you about Jena, too, more than he ever had before. He told you how she used to force him to have sex or literally push his head down to snort pills off the coffee table even when he said no. He told you how he still had panic attacks every single time he took a shower. He couldn’t wear wet clothes, either, like if it was raining or his sleeve got damp in the sink. “It makes me feel like I’m dying.” He told you. “One time I got caught in the rain and I was so upset I threw up in a parking lot.”

Harry walked in as Anders finished a story about his sixth grade band recital, a plate of scrambled eggs and a bagel set on your lap. You asked Anders if he wanted to say hello, but he politely declined.

“I just want to talk to you for a while.” He’d said. “I’ll call Harry later today.”

And so you told him everything, too. You told him about what happened with Christian and the nightmares (which he did not take well, by the way). You told him that you also hated taking showers at home because it reminded you of what happened. You both shared song recommendations that you used on your shower playlists that made it a little bit easier. 

///

By the time you made your way downstairs, Harry had already cleaned up from breakfast, folded your clothes in the dryer, and was neck deep in your old guest bedroom. 

He turned to look over his shoulder as you walked in behind him, smiling broadly. He had your suitcases dumped out onto the floor, though most of their contents was already scattered around the room. 

“There you are!” He beamed, setting a tube of mascara in a pile he’d set aside for makeup. “I was starting to miss you.”

“I got distracted talking to Andy.” You brushed off, sitting down next to him where you could find the smallest amount of clear floor. “We got into a fight.”

Harry furrowed his brow, setting a pair of socks into the sock pile. “A fight? What about?”

“About you.” You teased. Harry snapped his head to look at you, mouth falling open.

“Did I do something?” He asked, abandoning the t-shirt in his hands. You only smiled, shaking your head.

“No, no.. I’m just kidding.” You laughed, “I kind of told him off for calling you all the time instead of me.”

He didn’t laugh with you. “Baby, you should’ve told me it bothered you.” He began, putting a hand on your cheek. “I didn’t know…”

“It’s okay!” You insisted. “I was feeling kind of bitter but we talked about it and it’s okay. I was just jealous, I guess.”

“You were jealous?”

You paused. “Yeah, kind of.” You admitted, taking Harry’s hand in yours and pulling it off your cheek and into your lap. “I felt like you guys were closer than me and him, and… I don’t know. He called and told me I was his best friend and I kind of lost it on him.”

“But you are his best friend?” Harry responded, confused and looking guilty. “I could’ve told you that. He tells me every day he doesn’t like me as much as you.”

You smiled, maybe a little bit too satisfied. “I am his best friend.” You agreed.

Harry smiled, confused. “Okay?”

“We’re good now, though. Like, actually.” You said, picking up a pair of leggings out of the mess and throwing it in the clothes pile. “We finally talked about everything.”

Harry followed your lead and grabbed your lap top off of the floor and set it on the bed. “You did?” He beamed, nudging your shoulder with his own. “That’s awesome, sunflower. I’m really happy you guys did that.”

“Me too. He said he’s call you later today.”

Harry picked up a bottle of lotion out of the pile, revealing how it had leaked out onto everything below it. He closed his eyes, sighing. 

“You know you don’t have to live like this, right?” He nagged. “You’re lucky that didn’t get all over your laptop. Which shouldn’t have been on the floor anyway.”

“It’s fine.”

“Yeah, well if you’re going to be living with me you need to start living like a real person.” He rasped, rubbing his brow. He stopped suddenly, realizing what he’d said. “Not that you live here now, or anything. I just mean since you’re gonna stay here for a while. You don’t have to live out of suitcases.”

You shrugged, brushing off the exchange about the living situation. “I like living out of suitcases. I’m used to it.”

“Well you don’t have to do that anymore.”

“It’s not a big deal…”

It was quiet for a second, you still helping Harry clean your disaster of a bedroom despite you saying it wasn’t an issue. Harry stopped after a minute or two. 

“Is there a reason you don’t want to move your stuff into our room?” He questioned, looking you in the eyes. You frowned, stunned. 

“I just haven’t gotten around to it.” You said honestly. Harry knew that, the two of your spending nearly every second of every day together. “You know how I am about cleaning.”

Harry didn’t laugh at your joke, just nodding along. “Feels like you have one foot out the door.” He mumbled, chucking a pair of shoes into the shoe pile with a bit of extra frustrated force. 

You looked at him, but he just kept organizing. You thought about what he’d said, realizing how it must look from his perspective. Your suitcases were literally still packed.

You thought about his conversation with Anders the other night, how Harry had told him how afraid he was that you would change your mind or leave. You picked up a pair of jeans. 

“Do you think you have room in your dresser for my stuff to go in there?” You asked, folding the pants carefully. “We could probably move everything to our room before lunch, if you think we can make space.”

Harry whipped his head around, ignoring your question. “Really?”

You furrowed your brows. “Yes?”

“You want to put it all in our room?”

“Yeah, I do.” You answered honestly. It would be nice to not have to go down the hall every time you needed socks, anyway. “Do you think it will all fit?”

Harry leaped up, a ridiculous kind of look on his face as he cheesed down at you. 

“Yes!” He squeaked. “Yeah, I can make room! I can go move some stuff right now!”

“Okay. Awesome.” You commented, just looking up at him. You couldn’t help smiling just as goofily as he was. “Do you want help?”

He looked back and forth for a second, running his fingers through his hair. “No, no, I’m good. I’ll just move some shit and you stay here and get your stuff ready, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

He didn’t leave, though, just staring at you. His legs were wiggling with nervous excitement.

“This is great.” He said, letting out a giggle. He covered his mouth, trying to force the smile off of his face and failing. “This makes me really happy, Y/N. Thank you.”

You crinkled your nose at him. “You don’t need to thank me, you pest.”

He continued staring at you for a second, his smile now a permanent fixture on his face. He knelt beside you, pulling your face to his with a hand on either cheek. 

“I love you so much.” He gushed into the kiss, hands clammy. “I love you. Thank you.”

“I love you more.” You promised, pulling away from the kiss with a smile of your own. “Now go get ready for all my junk, okay?”

He stood again, his entire body tense and excited and giddy. “Okay! Yeah, okay.. I’m gonna go do that.” He turned to leave, looking back at you every step or two to give you another grin. “I’ll be in our room if you need me.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

And then he left the room, his giggling following him down the hall. “Let’s fucking go!” He said to himself, his footsteps in the pattern of a little happy skip. “Let’s fucking go!”.

///

You weren’t done by lunch time, the entire ordeal becoming much more of  a thing than you’d expected. You sorted through all of Harry’s shit, him deciding what items he wanted to move out of the closet to make room for your own. He threw sweaters you’d seen him wear in paparazzi photos onto the bed, discarded as if you hadn’t memorized the patterns staring at those pictures of him while you were broken up. “I never fucking wear this.” He said, throwing another jacket onto the bed. “Or this. Or this.”

You watched him take nearly all of his clothes across the hall to another empty bedroom, leaving them on the bed in there to be put away later. He took out things you’d seen him wear within the week, insisting he hadn’t worn them in years and didn’t mind them being in the other room. You didn’t argue with him on any of it, his mood so bubbly and excited and just about over the moon. You hadn’t seen him this excited, even the night you first got back together. He talked the entire time, going on and on about how happy he was and all of his plans for your new room you’d be sharing. 

“We can paint the walls yellow, too, since that’s your favorite.” He was saying, taking the last load of  clothes out of his dresser. “I’ve been meaning to paint the walls in here anyway.”

“You definitely don’t have to do that.” You’d laughed, thinking he was kidding. He just looked at you like you were crazy. 

“You don’t like yellow anymore?”

“I do, I just don’t want you to have to-”

“It’s fine.” He cut you off. “I want it to feel like your room, too.”

You didn’t say anything for a second, just looking at him. He looked so in love. You smiled, nodding. “We can paint it together, then.”

He grinned back at you, shoulders relaxing. “Yes! Wouldn’t that be fun?” He gushed, back to his rambling now. “We could buy a new duvet, too. We could hang up some of the paintings Andy’s done for you, too! And all your awards can go over here if we add a shelf.”

You didn’t say anything about the fact that Harry most certainly wouldn’t hang any of his own awards in his bedroom and that you didn’t want to do that, either, just letting him continue. You just listened to him talk, believing everything he said and every promise he made. You wanted to kiss him, so you did, over and over and over. Before you knew it, you had moved everything onto his room and the two of you were picking out a new silk duvet cover online. It had tiny flowers on it. 

///

You didn’t get around to lunch until after 3, the two of you close to starvation by the time you’d finished up everything upstairs. You sat on some stools at the kitchen island, scarfing down the Thai food you’d had ordered in. You were almost done with your entire plate when Bethany called you. 

“Hey Beth!” You chirped, Harry’s good mood infecting you and making everything seem a little more sparkly. “What’s up?”

She sighed. Bad sign.

“Have you been on the internet at all today?” She asked, not bothering with niceties. 

You paused, looking over at Harry who was just as confused as you. You set your phone down on the counter, turning it on speaker. 

“I haven’t really been on since early this morning.” You explained. “Why, what’s up?”

“Well, its officially happened. Cats out of the bag.”

You relaxed, realizing what she meant. “Oh, yeah. I saw everything with Logan and Rachel already.” You explained. “Logan texted me this morning to talk about it.”

Bethany let out a short laugh. “Nope, not that Peach. Try again.”

Your breathing stopped for a second, your head whipping to look at Harry the same moment his turned to face you. You had matching expressions on your faces, eyes wide and eyebrows bunched together. Harry leaned towards the phone, speaking.

“What do you mean, Bethany?” He asked, his plate pushed away with the back of his hand. 

“Harry, great. I’m glad you’re here.” Bethany went on. She had that tone to her voice right now that she always had when she was really, really pissed. Not at you, but at everything else. It was the way she talked after meetings with Tom, or when someone posted something about you online that was particularly searing. “You should be here for this so you can reiterate all of this to Jeff.”

Oh, fuck. You looked back at him, mouth opening and closing over and over again but no words actually coming out. Harry looked just as dumb and confused as you felt. Finally he spoke. 

“What happened?”

His expression changed into the kind he always got when he talked about work. (You selfishly hated that version of him, the one who was all serious and analytical. It didn’t feel like him.)

“Well, Harry, your girlfriend wore your pants on Jimmy Fucking Fallon.” She snipped, sighing. You knew she wasn’t mad at you two, but you still felt like a child being chastised. “And you have a scuff on your wall.”

“What the fuck are you taking about?” You asked, put opened on your stomach. 

“Well,” (You could envision her pulling glasses off the top of her head, sliding them down her nose.) “Aubrey on Twitter says, ‘Y/N was literally wearing Harry’s pants on Fallon tonight I’m gonna kms.’ And attached is a picture of you, my dear, wearing some black sweats and another picture of Harry last week on BBC wearing the same ones.”

You looked at each other, mouths agape. 

“How do they know we don’t have the same pants?” You asked. You were trying not to panic yet, remembering how Beth had always been the one to brush off incidents like this. “That doesn’t mean anything.”

“Yeah, except there’s a stain on the back.” She explained. “A big white splotch on the butt. Paint, or something.”

Harry groaned, leaning his head onto the counter and banging his fist once in defeat. He stayed like that for a second before sitting back up, his head in his hands. 

“Andy and I got into a paint fight.” He started, voice small.

“A paint fight?” You asked incredulously. “What even is that?”

“Well, babe, it’s a lot like a fight but with paint involved.” He snipped back at you. “I should’ve remembered. I was so pissed he ruined those pants…”

You just shook your head, mimicking Harry and throwing your head into your hands. 

“What about the scuff on the wall?” You asked, remembering that other detail. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Well it’s in the same spot in every single interview the two of you have done the last month.”

Of fucking course it was. You grumbled, laying your head down completely. You’d spent so much time picking an inconspicuous place to set up your camera, and this was still happening. 

“So everyone has put it together, then?” Harry asked. 

“Yup.” Bethany answered. “And there’s no denying it. I mean, we can say you aren’t a couple… We can say whatever you want, but there’s no denying that you’re living together. Everyone knows it. And, now that they have that, they’re putting everything else together, too.”

Harry shook his head, eyes closing. “But is it like, a couple people saying this? Or is it, like, everyone?”

“Well you're trending on Twitter. Right under Rachel.” 

It was quiet for a second, the three of you all waiting for someone else to pipe up. It gave you enough time, in the three or so seconds it was silent, to make up your mind. 

Harry needed to know you meant it. He needed to know you weren’t going anywhere. You’d already moved your clothes out of their suitcases and you promised to meet his mom, and there was only one more thing to do. There was only one more thing you could do to prove you meant it. 

“I’m happy this is happening.” You said out loud, unsure if Harry would feel the same considering but taking a chance. You watched his face out of the corner of your eye. “I… I don’t want it to be a secret anymore. I want everyone to know.”

Harry snapped around to look at you, expression unreadable. 

“As long as Harry is okay with that.” You added, adding some cushioning in case this went sour. “I’m okay with it, though. I’m excited, actually.”

It was true. You’d spent so much time forced to keep it a secret that you’d forgotten that wasn’t ever what you wanted at all. Bethany still sounded just as stressed when she spoke. 

“You guys can talk about it. And Harry?”

“Yeah?”

“You need to talk to Jeff. Once you guys talk let me know and we’ll go from there.”

He agreed, both of you saying your goodbyes to Beth before hanging up. You pressed the big red button, waiting a beat before looking up at Harry. 

“So…” You started, not able to get much further before Harry cut you off.

“Did you mean that?” He asked, eyes cautious. “About wanting everyone to know? You meant that?”

You nodded weakly. “We’re only supposed to say the stuff we mean, right?”

He looked at you a beat before realization set in and his face broke out into a smile, a giggle ripping through the tension around you. 

“Really?”

“Really.”

He sprang foreword, kissing you firmly in the mouth. He held your face the way he always did lately, a hand on either cheek. He mumbled into your mouth, too, the way he’d been keen to do lately. 

“I fucking love you. I love you.” He rushed out, biting your lip. “I’m so happy. I’m so fucking happy.”

You kissed him back, telling him you were too. You were too. You were too. 

“We can go on a date now.” He went on. “I can take you to get that spaghetti I was telling you about, after everything opens again. You’ll love it, it’s the best spaghetti I’ve ever had I swear to God. We won’t have to lie to anyone anymore.”

You, out of nowhere, felt your eyes grow hot with tears. You didn’t say anything else, just continuing to kiss him. You hoped if you kissed him enough times he would just know everything you wanted to say this whole time. Your dirty dishes still sat on the counter, forgotten. 

///

A few days later, Anders woke up on a Sunday in the best mood he’d been in for days. 

Since his conversation with Y/N he’d felt a weight lifted off of his shoulders, but rehashing everything that way adding an entirely different kind of pressure. But today was Sunday, and Sunday’s were good.

On Sunday’s, his parents left the house to go to church. His parents, even in the pandemic, still went and sat with everyone else who was too stupid to stay out of large crowds, and even though that should’ve annoyed him Anders loved it. He didn’t care if his parents brought the virus home. The possibility of dying was worth the 180 minutes he got to spend without them in the house. (His mom no longer asked him to go with them. She actually still hadn’t said a single word to him since he’d gone to Matt’s house).

Anders threw open his door once he heard the car roll out of the driveway, feeling as if he had the entire world at his fingertips. He was wearing a pair of sweats, the same ones he’d had on for 6 days, not bothering to put on a shirt before bouncing down to the kitchen. 

His plans for breakfast were foiled as soon as he turned the corner. 

“Hey son!” His dad smiled brightly, standing over the stove. He was just pulling out a pan, a carton of eggs out on the counter. “I thought I was gonna have to wake you up.”

“Why are you here?”

He knew he should’ve said something else, but it’s all he could think. In the last 24 years he’d never once seen his dad skip church. Ever.

“I wanted to have breakfast with you.” He said simply. “Are you hungry at all?”

Anders just shook his head. “But it’s Sunday.”

“We can’t have breakfast on a Sunday?”

Anders laughed, deciding to sit in one of the kitchen chairs. He realized that he wasn’t actually upset his dad was here. 

“I figured you’d be at church is all.” He explained. “Im starving though.”

His dad just smiled. “Fantastic. Do you want bacon, too?”

Anders, suddenly, was bombarded by memories of Christmas morning when his dad would always make bacon after the gifts were opened. He stopped doing that when Anders was in middle school, but he could still smell it when he really tried. Back before everything was bad all the time. 

“Fuck yeah.” Anders said, knowing his dad would chastise him for that but not able to resist pissing his parents off even when he didn’t want to. It was a defect of his he couldn’t help.

His dad turned to look at him, mouth pinched to hide a grin. “Fuck yeah.” His dad agreed, the word sounding bizarre coming out in his voice. Anders threw his head back in a howl of laughter, tears accumulating.

“Did you just say fuck? My father, the Saint?”

His dad was giggling now, the sound almost identical to Anders' own laugh. He’d never noticed that before. “Fuck yeah I did.” He said, only causing them both to giggle harder. 

“Fuck yeah, dad! Let it out!”

“Fuck yeah!”

“You can do better than that”

“Fuuuuuuuuuuck yeah!!!”

Anders was in fucking stitches, his sides literally pinching his ribs as he died laughing. 

“Feels good doesn’t it?” He asked. His dad nodded enthusiastically. 

“It feels good.” He agreed, pulling a pack of bacon out of the fridge. “Feels fucking good.”

“I'm surprised you chose a Sunday to say your first curse with me, dad.” Anders joked. “I'm surprised you’re here at all.”

“Well I am, aren’t I?”

“Just figured you’d be, like, praising the son of god right now. Or whatever.”

His dad was quiet for a second, using the same scissor he always used when Anders was baby Anderson to open the bacon. 

“I have my own son to worry about.” He said quietly, looking over his shoulder. He smiled shyly. “You ever make bacon before?”

Of course he had. Everyone had. But for some reason Anders shook his head. 

“Can you show me?”

His dad smiled even bigger now. “Yeah! Of course I can! Grab the tongs out of the drawer over there and I’ll get us started.”

“Okay.”

Anders did what he said and grabbed the tongs. He stood next to his dad, feeling awkward but also strangely good. He was almost as tall as his dad. The last time he’d watched his dad cook he had to stand on a chair. Part of him wanted to stand on a chair anyway, just for old times sake. Or maybe he just wanted to feel like baby Anderson again. Baby Anderson never had a care in the world. Baby Anderson’s parents were always crazy about him. 

“Moms gonna be pissed at you, huh?” Anders asked, laughing lightly but meaning it. His dad shrugged, turning on one of the burners. 

“She can be mad at both of us, then.” He as all he said. “So now we have to wait for the pan to get hot…”

///

“How much shit do you own?” Logan asked, a hand over her eyes to block out the sun above her. Rachel was grabbing another box out of her Range Rover, hobbling up the steps to the door. 

“You could help me.” Rachel squeaked, barely managing to make it inside before the box slipped from her fingers. Logan shut the door behind them both, coming up to take Rachel by the waist. 

“Why don’t you just stop for a while?” She whispered, pressing a kiss to her girlfriends hair. “Let’s relax. I miss you.”

Rachel only blushed, as always, pushing her hair behind her ears. “I have a lot to unpack.”

“You can unpack tomorrow.”

Rachel looked around the living room, full of boxes and suitcases and all sorts of junk. It was a fucking disaster in here. Rachel’s house, or her parents house, technically, was never dirty. Ever. 

Rachel thought maybe she liked it being dirty. She threw the bag off of her shoulder she’d grabbed from the car, letting it land right in middle of the floor. Her heart beat funny at the thought that she’d just leave it there, right in middle of the walkway. 

“Tomorrow.” She agreed, leaning into Logan. Logan chirped triumphantly, immediately pulling Rachel to the couch. They both laughed together, happy. 

The house was a nightmare, Rachel’s parents wouldn’t talk to her, and she didn’t know what the fuck she was going to do when the pandemic ended and she had to go back to work. She didn’t feel like taking pictures anymore, or doing her hair every time she left the house. She didn’t want to hang out with Margot or Kira, ever again. She had a millions things running through her head, all of them spiraling and twisting and bumping into each other until she couldn’t make sense of a single second of it. For some reason she didn’t mind though. 

“You know I was never allowed to have short hair.” She said without knowing why. Logan hummed. “I’ve always wanted to cut it.”

Logan sprang off the couch. “Babe! I used to go to beauty school! I’m, like, so good at cutting hair!”

“You did?”

Logan frowned, her nose scrunching up in the way that always made Rachel feel especially soft. “Well, I went for like a week before I quit. But I am really good at cutting hair! I swear!”

This wasn’t entirely true. Logan had enrolled in beauty school, but never actually went. And she was only decent at cutting hair, at best.

But Rachel couldn’t give a fuck if she was any good at it. “Okay.” She agreed, standing. “Do you think it’ll look good?”

Logan nodded frantically. “Of course! You know what, I’ll cut mine first so you can make sure you like it. Then you can decide.”

Rachel was objecting the best she could but Logan was already in the kitchen, scissors in hand. 

(The scissors, funnily enough, we’re the exact same pair Andy’s dad always used for the bacon on Christmas morning.)

Before Rachel could even catch up Logan grabbed a fist full of hair, lobbing it all of just under her chin. Her eyes widened as the blonde strands scattered on the floor. Then, she started laughing. And so did Rachel. 

They both laughed until they were crying, making their way to the bathroom with Logan’s hair half to her waist and half to her chin. It only took an hour or so for both of them to be made over, making eye contact through the mirror. Both with matching hair cuts, both equally as drastic. They looked fine, but not great. 

“I love it.” Rachel beamed, eyes teary again for a whole new reason. “I love it.”

She shook her head around, watching the bob swing around her face. She looked like a completely different person, someone she’d never met before. She loved it. 

“It looks amazing!!” Logan screeched, excitedly bouncing around. “This is amazing!!!”

///

“I didn’t know you had so many tattoos.” Anders’ dad said through a mouthful. 

Anders shrugged. “I did that on purpose.” He said honestly, referring to his mostly blank arms and covered chest. (Not covered, but he had a few.)

“They’re cool.” His dad said, making Anders furrow his brow in surprise. “I always wanted to get a tattoo.”

He couldn’t help snorting. This was the best day he’d had in as long as he could remember. Maybe his whole life. “I can’t imagine you with a tattoo.”

“I’ve still got time.” His dad grinned, taking another bite. “Maybe I’ll get one.”

“I’ll take you to get one.” Anders offered, saying it like a joke but not at all kidding. “You could get a face tat, dad. You’d look so fucking sick.”

His dad just shook his head. “What’s that one?” He questioned, pointing to the mysterious blob on his torso. It was on his ribs, just under his heart. 

“It was supposed to be a frog.” Anders laughed. “My friend Y/N did it.”

“With a tattoo gun?”

“With a needle.”

His dad didn’t tell him off like he was expecting. “What’s she like?”

His parents never asked about his friends. They’d always hated his friends growing up. 

“She’s fuckin sick.” Anders answered, realizing they’d both finished their plates but weren’t getting up. “She’s my best friend.”

“Maybe I can go see her show one day.” His dad said casually. “Or am I too old for that?”

“Are you fucking kidding me right now? You could totally go!” Anders gushed. He imagined it, his dad bobbing awkwardly along like dads do. “You could come see Harry, too.”

“Could I come see you?” His dad asked, making Anders’ heart skip a beat. He’d never invited his parents to a show, figuring they wouldn’t want to go. His mom definitely wouldn’t. 

“Of course you could.” Anders said. He felt his face get hot. “It would actually mean a lot to me, dad. If you came, I mean.”

His dad smiled to himself, shaking his head. “I can’t believe my kids a rockstar. That’s pretty cool, huh?” His dad chuckled for a second. “Sorry. That’s pretty fucking cool, isn’t it?”

The praise made him embarrassed. “It’s alright.”

“I always wanted to be a rockstar.” His dad mused. He almost didn’t even look like his dad right now. He looked younger somehow. More like a person. “Like Jimi Hendrix, you know? I used to be pretty good at the guitar. Not that good, but I think you’d be impressed if you heard it. I was never as good as you, though.”

For some reason Anders wanted to cry. For every reason and no reason. His dad wanted to be a rockstar. His dad used to be young. He used to want things. He used to have dreams. He felt overwhelmed by the realization that he’d lived an entire life before Anders was born, and part of himself hated the other for ruining his dad's plans. Maybe that was why neither of them liked him for so long. 

“I love you, Dad.” Anders said, immediately feeling the need to cry multiply at the embarrassment of saying that out loud. “Thank you for making me breakfast.”

His dad smiled, speechless for a second. “I love you so much, son.” He spoke, his face growing warm in a similar pattern to Anders’. “I always did, even before I met you.”

Anders started crying. His dad stood up, pulling Anders to stand with him. He wrapped him up in his arms and baby Anderson was crying, too. 

“I’m gonna fix this. The best I can.” His dad spoke, voice sounding strained through all the sincerity. “We can have breakfast again next week, okay? It can be our thing.” 

Anders wiped his eyes. “Won’t mom start to get upset if you don’t go to church?” 

His dad wanted to say something, but he didn’t. He shook his head, staying quiet for a long time but not letting his son out of his grip. “I have done this entire thing wrong, for a long time.” He said finally. He gestured between father and son, nearly identical copies of each other. He stopped, shrugging his shoulders. They slanted at the same angle as Anders’. “If your mother wants to be mad at me for fixing my mistakes, she can be. I’m done making her mistakes with her.” He cleared his throat again. “One day she’ll come around. I know she will.”

Anders just nodded, understanding. He didn’t believe what his dad said about his mom, but he believed the rest. He was still sniffling like a child. The front door opened, signaling the end of the moment. Anders quickly rubbed his face clean. 

“I’m gonna go.” Anders told him, hating his mom extra for ruining the only good thing that had ever happened to him. His dad nodded knowingly, looking just as upset as Anders did. “I’ve got, like, four guitars in my room if you ever want to borrow one.”

“Okay, son.” His dad smiled, staying put while Anders tip toed out. Just when he was about to reach the living room his dad called his name, making him pause. “I think we should go get those tattoos. If you want another one.”

Anders laughed, resisting the urge to look to his left where his mother was setting down her purse and kicking off her heels. She didn’t look at him either. 

“That sounds fucking sick, Dad. You just say the word.”

///

On Sunday, after Anders had made his breakfast with his dad and Logan had cut her hair and Rachel had moved everything she’d ever owned into her new home, Harry was having an equally as exciting day. 

He walked down the stairs, having slept in way later than he ever did. He’d been a little miffed when he’d checked his phone, realizing you’d let him spend half his day sleeping. He’d grunted, sitting up. The windows were open, and it smelled like spring today. It felt like spring all over, really, in a way he couldn’t even explain. 

By the time he’d made his way to the stairs his bad mood had vanished. He couldn’t be in a bad mood these days if he’d wanted to. How could he be mad at Y/N for letting him sleep in when she was here? How could he be mad at anything when she was here?

Even when he’d heard the voices coming from the lower level of the house as he descended the stairs, he still wasn’t mad. Worried, obviously. But still in a good mood. 

“What is happening?” He grumbled, rubbing the sleep from the corners of his eyes. The entire house looked like it had been ransacked, things missing and random men wearing masks walking around. It was more like the opposite of a robbery, Harry noticed, seeing the boxes and random pieces of furniture scattered around. He came to his senses, slowly but surely, taking it all in. 

“Baby!!” Y/N shouted, rushing over to him. Before Harry could speak at all she’d covered his eyes with one of her tiny hands, using her other to grip his t-shirt firmly. “You’re not supposed to be awake yet!”

Harry pushed her hand away softly, looking around the room. He took in her subtle disappointment, her lower lip sticking out ever so slightly. (Upon seeing that he actually had to hop off his train of thought to take it between his own lips for a moment). He cleared his sleepy throat. 

“What is going on?” He asked again, trying to force both of his eyes to open as he squinted at his girlfriend. She sighed, frowning. 

“It was a surprise.” She huffed, crossing her arms. She shook her head, disappointed. “I should’ve known you wouldn’t sleep long enough.”

Harry couldn’t help leaning down and kissing her again, longer this time. He kissed her until she let out that breath she was always holding, her feet relaxing off their tippy toes so she could give all of her attention to him. Harry loved the way she always did that, he thought. He should tell her how nice it is. 

Harry forgot about the commotion around them, stopping the conversation entirely for a second to tell Y/N that he loved her so, so, so much. It was true, more so today than ever before. As he continued to kiss her he whispered all the things he’d missed out on saying by staying asleep for so long. He’d wasted so much time, he thought. He could’ve had, like, four more hours with her than he did if he’d woken up earlier. He brushed her hair away from her face, deciding that he wouldn’t tell her about that little breath-holding thing she did when he kissed her just in case she thought too much about it and stopped doing it. He’d die if she stopped doing it, he thought. He knew he would. 

“It’s already 10:30.” He said finally when Y/N pulled away from him all too soon to continue pouting. “How late was I supposed to sleep?”

“At least until 12.” She answered seriously, making Harry’s eyes pinched shut with laughter. He didn’t expect her to actually have had a time in mind. “I purposefully kept you up until, like, 3 just so you would sleep in.”

She never ceased to amaze him. “You fuckin’ what?” He giggled, overwhelmed in that moment by how much he loved her. He was so overwhelmed with gratitude towards the universe that he almost felt choked up. 

“I had a whole thing planned….” She sighed, shaking her head. “Anders said it wouldn’t work but I just thought….”

Holy shit. “Did you ask Anders to call me last night and keep me up?”

“Yeah. He said he kept you as long as he could…”

Harry couldn’t fucking believe his ears. It was all too perfect. Maybe he was just so delirious with affection that he was missing something, but to him this seemed like the funniest thing in the world. Men still wandered about, moving shit here or there and yelling across the room to each other. Harry didn’t even hear them. 

“What was the master plan, huh?” Harry asked, completely oblivious but not even minding it. 

“The plan was to keep you up as long as I could before having Anders call you and keep you up longer so I could sleep and wake up early and you’d be extra sleepy.”

(Harry had spoken to Andy for three and a half hours last night. About literally nothing. Harry figured Anders was in one of those moods where he just didn’t want to be alone and he’d forced himself to stay up as long as he could so he could be there for him. Turns out it was just a silly little trick and not a mental breakdown at all, which was nice.)

“And why am I supposed to be so sleepy?” Harry asked, pulling Y/N into his chest. He looked around again, realizing it wasn’t just new furniture being delivered here but Y/N’s furniture from home. Y/N’s makeup table. Her bean bag chair she never let anyone else but him use. A box with Logan’s handwriting on the side labeled ‘winter clothes’. He looked closer, realizing all at once what was going on. “What’s happening?” He asked again before Y/N could answer his first question. He pushed her back so he could see her face, heart beating erratically. “What is all of this?”

Y/N just huffed. “It’s my stuff from home. Or some of it, at least.” 

Harry heard himself gasp, Y/N confirming what he already knew. He looked around again, and it was true. It was her stuff from home. 

“I was going to ask if it was okay, but then I just decided to go for it. It was supposed to be a surprise once everything was, like, unpacked and everything…” She grimaced, eyeing Harry nervously. “You’re mad, aren’t you? I know I should’ve asked, I just got carried away-“

“Mad?” Harry laughed, both hands coming to cover his mouth as he looked around. He let his head fall forward, his eyes closing. He recovered, looking up again. “This is all your stuff?”

“Most of it.” She nodded, looking uneasy. “Is that okay? I just thought since we’re moved in together…”

“Moved in together?”

“No, I mean- I just meant-“ Her cheeks flushed bright red, her eyes widening. Harry also loved it when she did that, when she got super embarrassed and made that face she always made. He didn’t tell her how much he loved that, either, just so she would always do it. “Like, living together.”

He couldn’t believe his fucking eyes. She’d had all of this shit brought to fucking London from LA, she’d gone through the trouble of getting her own movers and even conspired against Harry so he’d be surprised when it was all done. She brought winter clothes. For winter. He couldn’t help it when his eyes started to sting and he teared up. His throat was tight suddenly. 

“This is amazing, baby.” He choked out, smiling the best he could at her. Her shoulders relaxed, her own smile replacing the worry on her face. “I… I can’t believe you did all of this.”

“I was so worried you’d be mad.” She gasped, taking a deep breath as she deflated. She giggled, relieved. “I was up all night getting ready and I almost called the whole thing off….”

“How early were you awake?” Harry asked incredulously. It was all too good to be true. 

“I told Anders to call me thirty minutes after you guys got off the phone and you were out like a light.” She admitted, looking embarrassed though Harry couldn’t for the life of him understand why. “So like, 3:45 I think. Somewhere around there.”

Harry choked on his next breath, having to turn away for a second to compose himself. He was still a mess when he turned around to face the amazing, chaotic, beautiful girl before him. He pulled her back to him, hugging her tightly. He felt like a little kid on Christmas. 

“Thank you.” He whispered, burrying his face in his hair. She did the thing she always did where she tells him not to thank her, but he did the thing he always did and ignored her. “This means so much to me, baby. This is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done.”

She didn’t say anything else, just taking his face and pulling his mouth to hers. He loved the way she kissed him, he thought. Like she was trying to tell him something. 

“Now you’re stuck with me.” She snickered into his lips, thinking she was being cheeky. But as she said it all Harry could think was that this meant she really was going to stay. She wasn’t going anywhere, at least until winter. He choked back the emotion that threatened to bring him to his knees, pushing his hands into Y/N’s hair as he kissed her. He kissed her the way she always did, like she was telling him something. And with every kiss Harry was saying to her, in his own silent way, everything he’d ever wanted to. 

Thank you for not leaving me, he told her. Thank you for being the person who stuck around. Thank you for waiting for me. Thank you for forgiving me. Thank you for letting me grow when I needed to. Thank you for loving me even when you hated me. Thank you for being here. Thank you for bringing winter clothes. Thank you for making me feel like Harry, without the rest. Thank you for staying. Thank you for staying. Thank you for staying. I love you, I love you, I love you. 

And then Y/N did that thing she always did where she gasped for breath between kisses, thinking Harry didn’t hear the way she had to gulp for air. He thought about slowing down, about letting her catch her breath, but he selfishly liked the way she gasped like that. He liked everything about her. He liked the way she gasped and the way she said his name and the way she would say “pleeeease” when he had her really wound up. He liked the way her hands felt on his stomach. He liked the way her legs felt over his, the way her stomach moved when she breathed really hard. He liked the way her cheeks started to turn pink all the way up to her ears and down her neck. 

“Come here.” He mumbled to her, trying to maintain the kiss as he pulled her through the mess towards the stairs. They both stumbled their way across, tripping over a box they hadn’t noticed. It only took them a second to be wound together again, tumbling up the stairs like they were drunk or high or dizzy. 

“You know I love you, right?” Y/N panted, reaching for the doorknob behind her. Harry had his hands around her waist, keeping her against him. He moved his kisses to her neck, mumbling an mhmm. 

“Tell me again so I don’t forget.” He pleaded, throwing the door closed behind them once they’d made their way into the room. “Tell me again.”

“I love you.” She whispered. They bumped into the edge of the bed, tumbling onto their new bedspread that had just arrived a few days earlier. 

“Again.”

“I love you.”

Harry pushed her body down so she was laying, situating himself between her legs. His heart was pounding out of his chest, with excitement and an indescribable fondness. He was overwhelmed again by how much he liked her. She smelled like strawberries today, just like the lotion she’d gotten in the mail from her mom. Harry breathed her in, overwhelmed. Forever overwhelmed. 

“I love you, too.” He rasped to her, “You know that, yeah? You know how much I love you?”

“Yes, baby.”

“No you don’t.” He giggled. “You have no idea. No idea.”

He remembered saying something like that to her at the house party a lifetime ago. It was still true. 

Harry realized suddenly why he must have taken her up here. He must have known the entire time what he was about to do. His stomach flipped, considering it. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes extra tight as if to hide himself, though Y/N wouldn’t have noticed. 

“Baby…” He managed to force out, “Sunflower….”

“What baby?” 

He wanted to say it so bad. It was just there, behind his front teeth. His heart stuttered for a second. 

“Can I show you have much I love you, sunflower?” He whispered, not able to say it any louder. “I want to show you how much I love you. I need to show you.”

The sound Y/N made was enough to put Harry in the dirt. She chirped like a little bird, a short giggle following. Everything felt lighthearted and easy. She hummed into the kiss, letting the sound turn into a soft moan. 

“I want you to show me.” She whispered back. “I love you so much, baby. I want you to show me.”

She mumbled it all, broken up between kisses. She told him again that she loved him, saying it over and over again as the curtain next to the bed whipped around in the breeze. Harry believed her entirely, and he was scared and excited and awestruck and giddy all at once. 

He was finally going to do it, he thought to himself. It was finally happening. He thought about backing out again, but Y/N did that thing again where she slides her hand under his shirt and touches his belly. The butterflies under her fingers flapped harder and Harry folded immediately. He was so nervous he almost felt blinded by it. He took a hand and placed it over hers where she touched him, just under the tattoo. 

“I’m nervous.” He said out loud even though he didn’t want to. She tried to remove her hand but he pressed it down harder so it wouldn’t leave. 

“Sorry-“

“I want it there.” He whispered. “I always wanted to tell you I like it when you touch me like that.”

He wanted to keep that to himself, like all the other secret little things she did and had no idea about, but it just came out. He supposed she could know about one of her little things, at least. He could keep everything else for himself, which was more than enough. 

///

It was while you and Harry were whispering all these sweet little things to each other that the world, already turned upside down, flipped even further. Sunday wasn’t over yet, after all, and that same outside force that pushed Rachel to leave her home and cut her hair, the same propulsion that pushed Anders to tell his dad he loved him, the same hand that guided Harry and yourself up the stairs…. It was moving someone else, too. Right to your doorstep. The one in LA, at least. 

That outside force came in the form of a hard knock on the front door of the house you’d paid for but hadn’t been to in weeks. Logan and Rachel were already knee deep in an episode of New Girl, making it a particularly bad time for visitors, even more so than the pandemic. 

Logan shuffled to the door, annoyed. She’d been alone and totally fucking bored out of her mind with nothing to do for weeks but now that Rachel was here she suddenly had a million things that needed her attention. As minor as it was, she was still pissed. 

But when she opened the door, she didn’t know what to feel. Immediately she was hit with the smell of beer and cigarette smoke. She felt everything at once.

“What in the ever living fuck are you doing here?” She asked. The visitor nearly tipped over, eyes glazed. He shrugged. 

“I came to- fucking shit-“ The guest spoke, steadying himself on the wall with an outstretched arm. His hair had grown out since the VMAs, and it looked like shit. “I came to talk to Y/N. Is she here?”

[starlightsaphron]

THOSE AUS LOOK SO DELICIOUS UHMM.....

this one!! How have their personalities/gear changed from the difference in raising?

I’m so glad that your interested in my ideas! I got two asks about this idea, but I actually have two different ideas for it. I’ll share the one that has more extreme differences in personalities and weapons/outfits here.

Basically Raven is a lone survivor from an attack by salem that took out the rest of team STRQ. Summers last wish was for raven to keep the kids safe, which raven knows will never happen if either salem finds them or the kids grow up close enough to oz to get sucked up into the war that killed her family. So Raven takes the girls and goes off grid in the wilds of anima.

Ruby and yang have grow up in a nomadic life style away from society. They are both highly insular people, yang in especially doesn’t doesn’t trust anyone outside of her sister and mother, while ruby has developed a curiosity for society as a whole. They don’t live as complete luddites but what little tech they do have is stolen from rare night executions into villages and used well past the point where others would have discarded it. Ruby has a small collection of curios that she is highly protective of and tinkers with constantly.

Yang is actually quite quiet in this au. She can get pretty animated when talking to ruby but even to raven she’s pretty reserved. Yang had to grow up even faster here, in part from how young she was when she learned to hunt animals and kill grim and in part because she was basically constantly in danger and never learned how to self express. I feel like she’s a little paranoid cause Raven’s told yang more about the threat of salem then ruby. She’s still do or die for any of her family though. Badmouth or attack them then you in for a world of hurt.

Ruby I think has a long bow, dagger and a scythe she trains with in secret. A chose made of rubys own volitions because of ravens struggle when reminded of her lost family. Another neat idea could be that instead of a long bow she’s got a beat up old long rifle that she maintains obsessively. I like the idea of full forest ranger Ruby and doing something a little different from cannon. I think that there would be a be moment in the fic when she eventually constructs a mechashift weapon.

For Yangs weapons I’m still a little in the air. As much as it pains me personally I have a hard time seeing a yang raised by raven becoming a brawler. I feel like Raven just got Yang a mechashift weapon for her birthday (give that’s normally when she’d become a huntress). Im kinda thinking a glaive/short sword/crossbow combo. Maybe with Japanese influences to tie it to omen? I feel like it would be built with the ability to modify more dust integration later

Gear is harder. I struggle with visualization with outfits as a general rule. I feel like she’s got a mask like her Ravens, smaller and less ostentatious but still a grim mask. She dresses in darker colors to help her stay hidden, with small yellow highlights or marks though. I feel like as the store progresses yangs outfit would change and include more color as she explores herself.

Ruby’s palette is some combination of green, black and red. I can’t completely work it out in my head but I know I want those colors. Her outfit would be some combination of her v4 outfit and woodland ranger. Maybe with a few different cloaks for different environments. She carries many different knifes on her but each one has a unique function and place.

[alexa-fika]

Little Gardener's Pirate Odyssey Chapter 4

A/N Okay . I will be the first to admit this one is. kinda meh, but it is. a filler that I needed to add to tie a few knots from the last chapter and to better connect with the following chapters

Dividers by @/firefly-graphics

“So I guess her powers were always there inside of her; they just.. Needed to be awoken.” He glances back down at Alex and rubs her back gently and softly, keeping her close as she sleeps.

“Ah, there’s one thing you should be aware of.”

“And that is?” He says, glancing up at Viridi, his expression of surprise and curiosity growing as if he’s eager to hear this final piece of information.

“Because of her dark and grime origins, Alexandra has developed quite the fear of stars, so do tread carefully on starry nights.”

“I see,” he says, understanding.

“Alright, so I should avoid bringing her outside on nights with many stars, is that right? Anything else you wanted me to know?”

She shakes her head.

“I’m sure you have noticed quite a few of her quirks already, and I’m sure you will have time to know the rest, as I’m sure she will want to stick in this world for a while to have adventures. “

“Alright,” he says, seeming to be in agreement,

“Well, I do have one last question, though, if you don’t mind?” He looks at Viridi, a small smile still playing on his lips.

“Yes?”

“Well, I was just wondering if there was anything you wanted me to do to keep her safe?” He looks down at Alexandra in his lap. He seems eager to do anything he can to help, especially if it will ensure Alex’s safety.

She shakes her head. “Now, that’s up to you to figure it out. Can’t tell you everything now, can we? I will give you a hint. However, she cannot lie, so take that as you will.”

“Mhm, okay,” he says, chuckling a bit.

“I think I can work with that.” He looks down at Alexandra again, seemingly taking in all the information he just heard,

“Of course, now let us retire for the night. im sure we have given you plenty to think about until tomorrow,”

Alright then,” he says, letting go of Alexandra and getting up to his feet, “

Well then, I’ll see you guys both tomorrow.” He gives a final smile to both Viridi and Rogue and then starts walking towards the door.

Rogue grumbles as he cuddles close to Alexandra, wrapping both of his tails around her and tucking his hooves and pas underneath him

“I still fail to see what you see in him; he could be dangerous.”

“Come on now, Rogue, we can’t isolate her. Let her have some other connections; we’ll be with her every step of the way to protect her,” she says as she flutters in between Rogue’s antlers to settle for the night.

He rolls his eyes at this but closes them as Viridi follows his actions.

Once the ray of sunshine penetrates their room, Rogue slowly awakens, glancing at Alexandra and startling awake once he notices she’s not there.

“Oi Viridi, wake up, she’s gone!”

“Already?!” she says, shooting up.

They are both startled by a scream sounding eerily familiar and run towards the scene.

Sanji stirs awake from sleep after hearing the scream, his senses immediately on high alert. He sits up in bed, waiting for his environment to come back into focus, trying to figure out what he just heard and why someone was screaming before he realized who it was. His heart sinks as the realization starts to fully hit him of what his ears had just picked up.

Sanji quickly jumps out of bed, grabbing his clothes and dressing himself as he races towards the source of the scream, his mind rushing to figure out what’s going on to come to the worst possible conclusion. He hears Rogue’s voice yelling in anger, making his steps increase in speed as he reaches the scene.

The next chapter will be much more wholesome, and ya'll will get to see more of Alexandra's powers in action! Much more Dadji, too.