#I am VIOLENTLY SOBBING AND THROWING UP TBH

[saltpepperbeard]

so it’s no surprise that javid’s posts and potential teases make me take damage, but like...looking at the lyrics of walking on broken glass after he mentioned it?

[fictional-lvr]

Stupid. Eddie Munson x GN!Reader

A/N: THIS IS SO SHORT??? I HATE WRITING. also plz reblog if you have the time and wanna support :) enjoy and have a lovely day!

Summary: Bsf!Eddie walks in on reader being emo abt how scared they are for Eds and they end up confessing their love for each other. Very sappy, real stupid, I kinda hate it.

Contains: Reader crying, Eds crying, petnames (baby, sweetheart, honey, love), bad writing tbh I haven’t written in so long, au where Eddie never died, just fluff

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Eddie Munson is stupid. He is your stupid, dumb, idiotic, best friend that you are so obviously in love with and he just walked in on you violently sobbing. “fuck off, Eddie.” You groaned, tossing the pillow from under your head at him. You, Steve, and Dustin crashed at his trailer after a long night of plotting ways to beat those grimy little demobats, not wanting to risk failure after Eddies run-in with them last time. Eddie made a confused face and threw his hands up. “It’s my room fuckface, what’s wrong?” His tone quickly changed when he finally comprehended that you were crying. Eddie walked over and sat down at the foot of his bed that he insisted you sleep in last night. “’M just really tired, Eds, it’s fine.” You sighed, rubbing a hand down your face, but Eddie knew you better than anyone, you had become incredibly close after he became a literal fugitive and you and the gang became accomplices. “okay I know I still haven’t graduated, but I’m not that dumb, hun.” Eddie complained, rolling his eyes at you. You sighed and curled up next to him, kinda like a cat tbh. He placed a hand on your back “C’mon, sweetheart, you know you can tell good ol’ Eds what’s wrong.” You scoffed, accepting your fate and taking a deep breath. “I really am so tired, Eddie. I’m so tired of the upside-down, and Vecna, and those stupid fucking bats that almost killed your dumbass, and I’m scared. I’m really scared, Eds. I’m so afraid that next time, we won’t get off that easily, that one of us isn’t gonna come back up. I mean, let’s be realistic, love, you almost didn’t come back up last time.” Eddie teared up a bit while you were talking, the only other time you saw him cry was when he nearly bled out in front of you and Dustin. “God, y/n. Sappy much?” He sniffled, wiping unfallen tears out of his eyes. “Sweetheart, I promise you I’m not going anywhere. It’s gonna take a lot more than a few bats listening to Metallica to kill Eddie fucking Munson, baby.” You smiled a bit, but you weren’t convinced. “God, babe, didn’t realize you were that worried.” He said smugly, grinning at you as you rolled your eyes, getting irritated that he wouldn’t take you seriously. He snickered before speaking again. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were in love with me.” He nudged your head. You shot up and were now sitting straight up facing him, an angry look adorning your features. “Of course I’m in love with you, you stupid fucking dumbass!” You yelled, huffing and throwing your arms around animatedly. Eddie froze, his face dropped and you couldn’t make out what he was thinking in the slightest. “What?” It was quiet, soft, like he was afraid of breaking the tension in the room. Tears stinged your eyes as you tried to harshly blink them away, you got up and began to turn to walk out of Eddies room but Eddie quickly interrupted. “Hey, honey, wait-” He began. “God, Munson, are you fucking stupid?! I just I was literally in love with you and you call me ‘honey’? Jesus, it’s like you want me to be miserable.” Eddie was shocked, you’d never talked to him like that, let alone yelled at him in a serious manner. He sniffled, quickly pulling himself together and regaining composure. “I- I’m sorry, honey, I was just so shocked. Should’ve said something quicker. I love you too. Shit, man do I love you. Just ask Dustin, man. Poor kid has listened to me talk about it for months.” He pulled you into his lap and you snuggled your head into his shoulder before he continued. “’M so sorry, y/n, I thought I was making it obvious.” You took in a shaky breath at his confession. He’s so fucking dumb, but then again, so were you. “We are both so, so, stupid.” You chuckled. Eddie starting laughing, jostling your body along with his. “Yeah. We’re so dumb.” He giggled. From then, as cliché as it is, it was history. You had your stupid little happily ever after and your dumb little lovely life, and you were so glad you can’t, for the life of you, censor yourself.

[whumpasaurus101]

19th April, Plant Day!

I cannot tell you how tempted I was to write abt fungi but I didn’t want @brutal-nemesis to kill me :) so I can safely say that there is no fungi do not worry :D

Cw: plant whump / ‘stabbing’ sort of / deep cuts / caretaking after / fluff / angst / my gaey boys not having a good time tbh / Alicia being a bitch as usual /

Asher wasn’t happy. He was in Alicia’s house and Jack was right at her feet, kneeling. She raked her hands through his hair. Aaher looked at her in disgust from where he knelt, far away from them both. Why did Rodger have to leave him with this bitch? He would have prefered anyone, anyone over her. Jesus, he’d rather stick a fork in his own fucking eye than be here.

“Anyways,” Alicia sighed, “I want to go to the garden centre to revamp this house and whatnot and the two of you can come if you behave, Asher, I’m looking straight at you. Think of all the fun you could have if you don't throw a fucking tantrum, huh? I’ll even let you two go off for a bit if you're good. But keep in mind, I throw knives like a fucking champ so if one of you decides to try and run, you’ll get a knife in your fucking neck, understood?”

The garden centre was huge, Asher’s eyes lit up as he saw the building. And then there were people, normal people, not sick psychos! Couples, families, you name it! A sudden yank ripped Asher from his thoughts as Alicia pulled back on his top. He stumbled back and Alicia spoke in his ear, “Listen up big boy, you make one single sound to any other people and I will fucking kill you, got it?” Asher quickly nodded, scared to speak.

She forced a smile, “Good, now, let’s not waste any time!” The three walked into the centre, Asher standing in between the pair as he was least trusted. Alicia had her handbag rested against her forearm as she strode in.

There were plants everywhere. Some crawled up the wall, some hung from the ceiling and some were neatly potted and shelved. Asher, completely lost in his thoughts, didn't realise how fast he was walking until Alicia yanked him back, “What the fuck did I just tell you?!” Asher lowered his head, “Sorry.”

Both Jack and Asher followed Alicia obediently as she strolled around the store. Eventually, she had had enough. “Alright, alright! You're starting to piss me off! Just- just- ugh, just go -and stick together. But I swear that if either one of you tries something funny, I will slit both of your throats. Asher looked to Jack who smiled at him. He followed him to the outside area as they held hands in front of them so Alicia couldn't see.

Jack pulled Asher into a corner that was hidden by trees and kissed him gently, wrapping his arms around his waist. Asher chuckled, “Nothing funny, huh?” Jack smiled, “Fine, we can just stop you know, look at these… trees?” Asher chortled, snorting slightly at the end. He traced his hand against Jack’s cheek and jaw, rubbing it slightly, feeling the short stubble.

He brought Jack’s face closer and pecked him on the nose. Jack brought Asher’s hips closer, they kissed again as Jack raked his hands through Asher’s hazelnut hair. “What. the. Fuck?” They both pulled away with a jolt.

Alicia stood there, gobsmacked, “I-you.” She couldn’t form any other words than, “What the fuck.” Asher couldn’t breathe, “Pl-please don’t tell Rodger!! Please!!” That’s when Alicia smiled and chuckled, looking at Jack, “So you’re into Asher, huh? You like the ‘bad boys’?” Jack gulped, blinking fast, “Alicia, please! I-”

Alicia slapped him hard across the face, “I asked you a fucking question!” Jack whimpered. Asher looked in shock, finding himself frozen in shock. “Yes! Okay! I love him, I mean, what is there not to love about him? He’s perfect! He’s brave and he’s handsome. He’s there for me when I need him and he makes me happy every fucking day!”

Asher felt his cheeks flush a deep red. Alicia looked at him blankly, “How sweet. But you know this is simply just not allowed.” The two boys gulped. “Alicia plea-”

“Shut up!!” Asher flinched as she took a step towards him, caressing her sharp nails scraping against his cheek, “Now, now Asher, you know he’s way out of your league!” She cackled, “I mean, what’s the fucking age gap?” Asher clenched his jaw. Her thumb’s nail slightly pressing into his cheek as he let out a yelp.

“Alicia,” Jack raised his voice. Alicia turned to him, nails still digging into Asher’s skin. “Please, he didn’t-”

“You know what?” Alicia sneered, “I don’t think you understand. You are mine and Asher is Rodger’s. You are not permitted to even touch him.” Her grip tightened as blood now ran from Asher’s cut.

“I know, I know, Alicia, please, don’t do this, it was all my fault! I started this! He still doesn’t understand the rules!” Alicia sighed, yanking her hand away, making the cut bigger. “No, he doesn’t, but he will.”

Asher had no clue what she meant until an hour later when he was tied to a chair in Alicia’s kitchen. Alicia circled him, shopping bag in hand. “Have you ever heard of a honey locust?” Asher just glared at her in response, dried blood stuck to his cheek form earlier. “No?” She hummed, taking out what looked like branches of a tree. “Hmmm, well, I was going to give these to Rodger to use them on you, but I guess I can just get more and use these bad boys now!!”

Jack pulled at his cuffs which kept his hands right at the fridge’s handle, “Alicia I-“

“SHUT UP!!!!” Both boys flinched at how loud Alicia was. “Stop sticking up for your bitch all the time! You are mine and he is Rodger’s. And the bast way for you to understand things is to hurt people that you love.”

And with that, she got a thorn and quickly moved it down Asher’s collarbone, leaving a dark red line which blood fell from. Asher let out a howl of pain. His restraints left him unable to double over and protect himself.

Alicia snickered, “Oof, that’s a deep one. Oops?” She did the same thing on the exact another side. This continued until deep gashes covered his abdomen.

When she got bored, she picked up the thorns one by one, piling them into her hand. She dropped the branch and grinned at Jack. She approached a trembling Asher and traced one of the sharp thorns all across and down Asher’s arm, causing goosebumps to rise on his skin.

Without warning, she quickly stabbed a thorn straight into his arm. He yelled, he couldn’t take all of this pain. “P-please, no more! I- AGH!” He was interrupted when she poked another one right under the previous thorn. He felt his vision starting to blur.

Alicia, noticing he was starting to blackout, decided it was enough, for now. “Oh what now? No ‘smart comments’? You see, after a while, I do start to miss them. Its quite satisfying to be honest! You know, Rodger being unable to control his mutt while Jack just sits right at my side like a good bitch.”

Asher saw Jack flinch through his blurred vision. Jack had never heard Alicia call him that. It was always Rodger who did, never Alicia. Did she prefer Asher? No, no, she couldn’t! She loved Jack… right? He looked to the two, Alicia was running a hand through Asher’s hair with a smile as the other’s head lolled to the side as he slowly drifted out of it.

---

Jack was allowed to clean Asher’s wounds. He had a tweezers and was trying to pluck the thorns out from Asher’s delicate skin. Asher let out painful moans as he rocked back and forward. Jack blinked away his tears, “Ash- Asher please, I need you to stay still.” Asher did but once the tweezers were back on the last thorn, he flinched. Jack rolled his eyes, “ASHER! I NEED YOU TO FUCKING-” He froze the minute Asher’ tear-stained face and puffy eyes turned to him. He looked as if he was about to absolutely ball crying.

“Asher, oh my god, Asher, I am so sorry!” Asher blinked and the tears followed. They streamed down his cheeks as his chest rose and fell fast. He whimpered and bit his lip to stop himself from sobbing. “Asher, please I- I didn’t mean to! I’m so sorry!!”

Asher sniffed and blinked rapidly, “ ‘s alright, y-you didnt m-mean to.” Jack’s heart felt heavy but he had to keep cleaning the wounds before Alicia would come in and make some snarky comments. “This is going to sting- wait, I might have some pain killer I can give you, mkay?”

Asher nodded weakly. “Alright, give me a second.” He got up out of the empty bath they sat in and walked to the bathroom cabinet. He scanned through the shelves and his eyes landed on one of the orange containers.

He opened it up and poured two pills into his palm. He then got a glass and filled it with water, knowing the water from the bathroom probably wasn’t the best but it was better to get rid of all of the pain Asher was in already.

He handed Asher the pills and glass. Asher looked at him, waiting for a nod of approval before putting the pills in his mouth and washing them down with the water. “Th-thank you” His voice was hoarse. Jack wiped tears of his own and sat back behind Asher.

Asher’s flinches were less violent. Jack smiled, knowing that his love was in less pain. No- no, not his. Rodger’s. The heaviness settled in his heart once more. Surely there was some way of keeping Asher. Keeping? What the hell was wrong with him?! Maybe he didn’t deserve Asher. Maybe it was for the best.

He looked down as he felt Asher’s back press against him. He was asleep. His adorable face looked so peaceful. His eyes were closed and he wasn’t in pain. His angry face was relaxed and the usual crease in his eyebrows was gone.

Jack gently traced his cheek with his finger. His scar had been reopened and looked painful. After a few moments of peace, Alicia burst through the door, “Jesus fucking Christ, you cant keep your hands off him, can you? After what he went through because of you!” Jack’s head snapped up to her, “Alicia, please, let him sleep, he never sleeps! Please, I’ll do anything!” Alicia fake smiled at him for a moment before shoving her arms under Asher’s arms and dragging him out of the bathtub. Asher let out a yell of shock as he was brought out of his sweet peaceful dreams back to this phscho bitch.

“Alicia, leave him, alone, please!” Alicia just giggled in excitement, “No way, this is a fun thing to play with. You two think you're so in love. But none of you knows what love is!” Asher hung his head in shame and embarrassment. Jack noticed, he knew that Asher had absolutely no memories of his childhood, he didn't know what love was. Jack felt terrible.

Alicia looked between the pair with a shit-eating grin, “Well, you guys must be tired! Asher, you can sleep on the floor in the kitchen. Jack, you're sleeping in with me!” Jack knew better than to refuse. Asher was dragged out of the room and Jack was left sitting in the bathtub, waiting for Alicia to come and show him who he really belonged to.

—-

Taglist:

@as-a-matter-of-whump @yesthisiswhump @appy-polly-loggies @jordanstrophe @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @likeit-or-whumpit @milk-carton-offical

[moral-turpitudes]

Hi Katelyn! How are you doing? :) can I ask you for angsty oneshot with Michael Gray and prompts 2. "if you touch her again it will be the end of you" and 3. "I could take a thousands bullets and none of them would hurt as much as seeing you like this. Its killing me.". Can I ask for something really angsty and emotional? Just struggling with pms and having drama queen mode:ON . Loads of love! :)

Hi love! I’m doing alright, thanks for asking! :) 

Here is some angsty shit to help you feel better as I too am a drama queen.

Revenge:

Trigger Warnings: ANGST, Dash of fluff, Mentions or slight descriptions of abusive/violent behavior, Trauma, Fighting, Blood, Slight Gore? Just your standard Peaky shit tbh. 

Word Count: 2,002 

Characters: Michael Gray x Reader

Summary: A shortcut gone wrong leaves Y/n in the hands of a rival gang member. After escaping, she warns the blinders of what happened causing Michael to exact his revenge.

Requested by: anon

Your breath hitched in your throat as you ran through the dimly lit streets of Small Heath, away from the alley you had just escaped from. Your feet numbing as they grew cold from the damp ground. With weak legs and trembling arms, you flung open the doors to the shop not caring who was there and went straight to the washroom. There you found yourself wincing as you inspected the bruises forming on your skin where the mans hand had closed around your arm too tightly, and the cut that stood out along your cheek where his blade had been. 

You shook as sobs came over you as you thought back to what happened. All you were trying to do was take a short cut to work as Tommy had called you in due to some drama with a gang in town, but it ended up taking you longer due to the man you crossed paths with. He blocked you from the main street, following your movements when you tried to walk to the side of him. When he got closer, you managed to hit him, grabbing the gun in your purse shakily as you made out his tall silhouette in the dark alley. You aimed it at him as he lunged forward grabbing your wrist and releasing the gun from your hand with a loud thud. His hand gripping yours so tight that you thought he’d break it. Before you could kick him or try to hurt him anymore, he pushed you towards the wall, making you face towards him as he pulled out a blade, waving it as you screamed. Unfortunately, it was a busy night as they were muffled by the cars and people milling about. 

“I”ll cut you if you scream again. Don’t make me hurt that pretty face of yours y/n.” He said, you could see his face as the moon illuminated his skin, a tattoo of a cross on his neck. You remembered in the meeting with your husband Michael, that he was one of the men Tommy was looking for in relation to the gang that was after Tommy’s guns and god knows what. 

“How do you know my name?” You asked faintly.

“Any friend of Tommy is an enemy of mine...and I know all my enemies names. Tell Tommy this is a surprise for him. Tell him I know where he is and that he’ll have to try harder to take us down next time.” He said before slicing your cheek, the cut deep enough that you were sure it would leave a scar. As he let you go, he laughed as you cried and held your cheek, blood running down and into your hand at a fast pace. You stood partly in shock as you saw him run north, towards the old factory where previous deals had been made by Tommy. 

And so here you were, nursing the gash in your face as your skin paled in complexion. 

“Y/n! Sweetheart are you okay?” Michael asked, knocking on the door. The taste of blood and the salt of your tears mixing in your mouth as you spoke. 

“N-no. No I’m not please help!” You yelled through the thick wooden door.

Not a second later he came in, seeing blood all along the sink, your dress, your face, and your hands.

He immediately crouched down next to you on the floor as you pulled him to you crying until you felt you couldn’t anymore. After you composed yourself, you pushed him back as you winced at your cut. He quickly got up and went to Tommy’s office to grab a bottle of whiskey, everyone eyeing him as he strode in with your blood on him.

He was fixated on you so much so that he didn’t hear Tommy’s questions about what happened or Polly’s responses, he just closed the door behind him and tended to you. “My god Y/n what happened aye? Did you get into it with someone?” He said dabbing the whiskey soaked cloth on your face gently. You just sat there in a stupor almost as the alcohol burned your cut, still processing everything, still remembering his face and his tattoo. 

“Please honey. I need to know what happened.” He said before taking your wrist in his, making you wince as he accidentally grabbed the area that was bruised. He immediately let go as he saw it and you could see his eyes turn dark with anger. 

“God damn it Y/n! Who the fuck hurt you?! Just talk to me!” He said yelling and throwing the towel down in defeat. He sat there holding you on the ground, waiting for you to speak.

“Y/n...listen to me, I could take a thousand bullets and none of them would hurt as much as seeing you like this. It’s killing me...please tell me what happened...” He said bringing your hand up to his lips and kissing it, your wedding ring sparkling as he examined your hand mindlessly. 

You sighed and wiped the tears from your eyes and looked up at him and spoke, your voice raspy from screaming.

“I took the alleyway to get here quicker since Tommy called...and before I could get out of there...a man with a cross tattooed on his neck stopped me. Michael... he grabbed my wrist so hard I dropped my gun and he pushed me to the wall and cut me. He-he said this was a surprise for Tommy, that he knows where he is and that if he wants to take him down then he’s going to have to try harder.” You said, pausing a bit while you regained your composure.

“Michael...I’m thinking he cut me...to send a message. I know from these meetings he’s dangerous and - Michael!” You started to say, before he got up and quickly stormed off towards Tommy’s office. You slowly got up to look at your face, the cut looking better now that the excess blood was washed away, but you were sure you needed stitches. 

You walked with the bloodied cloth in your hand and sat next to Polly. She looked at you concerned as she examined your cheek.

“We’re going to get that bastard. Michael told me to get you to the hospital. You’ll need stitches.” She said grabbing her bag.

“Before we go I need to tell them where the man went, I was in shock and fortunately stood there long enough to see where he ran off to I think...” You said. Polly nodded and waited for you to finish up in Tommy’s office.

You walked straight in, not knocking as time was of the essence. Michael was yelling at Tommy as he stood there nodding along, the gears turning in his head at what move to make next as he kept a stone-faced expression as always.

“Michael...” You said, your voice still hoarse. The guys turned around and Michael stopped yelling once you said his name, looking at you with concern.

“I-I saw where he went Tommy. He took off down the street towards that old factory where you all did business last time. I swear he may be there.” You said looking into his ocean eyes.

“Alright. Thank you for the tip. Boys c’mon we have business to take care of.” He said before putting his cigarette out. He walked past you, leaving just you and Michael in the room. 

“Please, for the love of god be careful.” You said hugging him.

“I will love, you don’t have to worry about me. I’ll be at the hospital as soon as I can okay?” He said.

“Okay.” You said pecking him on the lips before he took off out the door with the rest of them. You sighed and walked to Polly who was putting her coat on. Your stomach tied in knots as you made your way to her car. Not knowing if you’d see Michael coming in as a visitor or a patient. 

------------------------------------------------------

At the factory, the smell of smoke filled the air as a group of men sat around a burning pile of scrap metal. They each had cross tattoo’s on their necks and laughed as they talked about plans and various deals. Tommy was the first to show up, with Arthur and John flanking him, guns in hand as they walked over to the nearest people and shot them point blank. Tommy looked at the rounds in his gun and called out into the night. “You wanted to surprise me aye? You chose the wrong fucking way. Come out before I take out more of your men!”

A man quickly ran out from a nearby room of the old factory and stormed right towards Michael as two others shot at Tommy and the others. They ducked down and avoided getting hit and were soon wrestling with the men, trying to disarm them in the process. Michael recognized the man who went for him due to Tommy’s briefing at the meeting earlier and saw he had some fresh blood on his shirt, knowing that was the man who attacked his wife.

The man got to Michael and swung at him, hitting his face a couple of times, leaving a soon-to-be black eye in its wake, along with a couple of gashes from the rings on the mans finger. Luckily, before the guy could cause too much damage, he caught the mans arm and bent it harshly causing it to crack. The man quickly crumpled to the floor in pain and Michael got on top of him and punched him in the face before pulling his cap off. He slashed the guys face deeply, ruining his eye and cutting half a smile on one side enough to tear through his cheek.

The man screamed as Michael did so, as Tommy, Arthur, and John gradually gained control of the other men and shot them.

With an angry look in his eye, Michael threw his cap on the ground and grabbed the mans throat, squeezing until the mans good eye was bloodshot.

“If you touch her again, that will be the end of you.” He said as the man nodded desperately, gasping for air before Michael’s grip tightened, causing him to go unconscious. 

After the fight, Tommy let Michael go to the hospital where you were sitting in an exam room just having finished getting stitches on your face. Michael walked in carefully, his eye swollen and face bloodied with scratches as he came over to you. He still had an angry look on his face but it faded once he held you in his arms. 

“How are you doing?” He asked, kissing you lightly.

“I’m okay. Doctor said I’ll heal fine apart from a small scar.” You said sadly, hoping he wouldn’t see you as less than because of a small scar. 

“Don’t mind that. You look beautiful and I’d rather you have a little scar than be off dead somewhere love.” He said pulling you close to his chest.

You laughed a bit as you wrapped your arms around him, finally relaxing for once that night.

“Did you kill him?” You asked.

“No, I don’t think so. But Tommy and the boys killed the rest of his men. He’ll be sleeping with one eye open from now on, and maybe waking with one too.” He smirking down at you. 

“You cut him in the eye?” You asked picturing what happened and shivering at the thought.

“Yeah, and half a bloody smile. He won’t prowl anymore streets unless he wants to terrify all of Small Heath.” He said. 

As you both conversed further, the doctor came in to let you know you could go home, eyeing Michael suspiciously as he still looked pretty beat up. He disregarded her concern and smugly smiled at her, nodding as he helped you out, and into the car. You both went straight home per Polly’s orders where you relaxed the night away, remaining thankful for him and his crazy blinder cousins.

[dreadnought-dear-captain]

The End of the Line – Update and You Asked, I Told (Part 1 of 2)

Hi, friends! I have completed my move and gotten settled in to my new apartment and state and job, so I’m back here to answer some Asks and give a writing update.

In the past couple of months, I’ve somehow managed to crank out about 45,000 words of BW. All the way to the end. Yep. BW is DONE. I literally cannot believe it. It needs some quality time with the beta, and I want to catch up on answering comments, so I’m (tentatively) planning to post the rest of the chapters on Veterans Day, 11/11/2020. I remember commenting to someone that I would have the whole fic done by Veterans day 2018 but hahahahahahaha [sob]. As of right now, I believe it’s going to be three more chapters, and you can decide if you want to binge them or draw it out. I’m also planning to do a select list of works consulted, but I will probably attach that to the BW timeline when I get it done rather than tack it onto the end of BW.

I’ve also started outlining a new fic that I’m excited about. It’s a BuckyCap canon divergence story that’s been percolating in my mind for a few years and has done about 400 evolutions. I was planning to move on to an AIDS fic, but that would require so, so much research, and honestly, I’m researched out after BW. I need a break. But there will be some similar themes, so if you’re here for more emoshy angst, there’s more coming your way. In first person!

I’ve cleaned out my Tumblr inbox and am posting my Ask answers in two batches. I’m feeling less quarantined out and consumed with my move, so I’m going to continue working toward being more responsive more quickly. Moving forward, I might just answer the asks as they come up rather than batching them. I dunno.

The following contain spoilers for everything up to the latest chapter of BW. 

Starting with some love (thank you!) and progressing to questions. 

Oh, thank you so much! I’m thrilled that you’re enjoying it alkfjalfjsakjf!

Thank you so much! It’s something I’m seriously considering, actually. Although I could never publish BW the way it is (it’s far, far, FAR too long for any publisher to pick up as-is), I am planning to go through the manuscript after this and re-write the essential story in hopes of de-Marveling it and shopping it around. I’ve been playing around with the idea of even trying first person, since the character voices are so strong, but I love close third a lot too, so I’ll have to play around with it.

I appreciate your patience, and I’m so happy that you’re into it enough to wait so long for the damn thing to come out!

I’ve written a lot of layers into the story in hopes that it will have decent re-read value – for those brave enough to read a 700k word fic more than once. But honestly, it’s so complicated sometimes that even I lose track of all the things I’ve woven in throughout. Part of it is that it’s a very different animal from where I started, both in terms of story and style, and I had some places I planned to go but then diverted, so there may be artifacts of old ideas floating around, I’m sure!

You’re so right that the avoidance response is unbelievably strong for them, and part of their relationship goals (in my mind, anyway) is for them to be more direct in expressing what’s going on with them and what they need. As for the photo album, I can totally imagine this playing out – a nice family get together, some familial razzing, a highly triggered person trying to keep his shit together, but it’s Bucky, and emotion regulation is still not a very strong suit for him. So, presto. Awful picture night shenanigans.

As for Steve and his judgement call here, I agree that it’s definitely not the best. But I kind of wanted to show him as also being a vulnerable person who is struggling with this and wants relief from it. I think it’s more typical in fic to have one person is traumatized and the other who is this unwavering, grounded rock that is relatively unaffected by their loved one’s trauma and can provide appropriate support. Which is great! People like this absolutely exist. But this stuff with Bucky has really fucked Steve up, too, in addition to having his own trauma. He’s also feeling very distant from Bucky now, and one of the ways that they have historically gotten close is to have sex. It’s their go-to coping strategy as a couple. Don’t talk, fuck. So I thought it made sense that, on this night of vulnerability, they might resort to that.

(See Baghdad Waltz Timeline ) Yeah, he was twelve, which is right before his family moved to New York. I’ve been sprinkling the episode around many chapters and don’t plan to go into a whole lot more detail about it TBH. It’s not essential to know all of the details, I don’t think. However, more will be revealed about Bucky and Jack’s relationship and how Bucky feels about him/felt about him, so hopefully that can provide a little context for it. Bucky has a lot of conflicting feelings about Jack and what happened to him, so we are forced to look at it through the eyes of a highly unreliable narrator. I hope future chapters (or chapters after this Ask was sent), will shed a little light on this.

You’re spot on that Bucky totally minimizes it. Especially with Steve, knowing that Steve both needs to roughly know and probably will lose his mind if he knows the whole story. It was a brutal beating with some significant injuries that needed extra medical attention. As a side note, Bucky undoubtedly lied about having any surgeries, etc. in order to get into the Army.

Thank you so much! I’m fully aware how emotionally exhausting this story can be, and I’m never quite sure whether or not to be apologetic about it. I’m not aiming to sensationalize anything or manipulate feelings out of readers or characters, truly. My guiding star is asking, okay, given everything, what would happen next? Not necessarily what *I* want to happen next, but what would these characters do now? Certainly I throw some circumstances in their way, but a lot of the emotional and relational responses to these are me trying to unflinchingly show what would happen with these two particular people with these two particular psychologies and histories. 

As we can see, for as much as they love each other, this relationship is highly problematic. And these people are really struggling individually. I do try to show the good parts too, to balance things out, because I don’t want to shy away from those either. I’m always hopeful that the balance doesn’t become so out of whack that people nope out of the story.

Oh my God, I know. I think about that sometimes as well. Bucky was a highly skilled military professional, though I do wonder if this is one of the only environments that would have allowed him to avoid his own trauma quite this well. The military is such an all-encompassing career, one where, especially at higher ranks, you work ALL. THE. TIME. When you’re working all the time, when everything is about the men, about these extremely intense deployment experiences, there’s very little room for the past to creep in. It’s the perfect avoidance strategy. 

Moreover, the highly rigorous structure was excellent for Bucky, who tends to spiral out if he’s not operating within very firm boundaries. A lot of people with emotion regulation problems like Bucky’s can do very well in the military because of this. But when he lost that, so violently, it was the perfect catalyst for everything to come careening back to him. Especially when he really toned down the drinking. This is life for a lot of veterans, though certainly not all, or even most. But Bucky’s relationship with the military was absolutely symbiotic, yes. It is sad.

This is one of Bucky’s attempts to earn favor with his new friends in New York, so good catch on the lie. Someone with an affectionate nickname obviously must have been liked, right? The last thing he wanted to do was have a repeat of his experience in Kentucky, so he put on a very good show and bullshat his way into a good social situation in New York. It’s not really bullshit though, because he’s a likable person. But I imagine he assessed the way he was, quiet, thoughtful, sweet, and probably decided nope, I’m not gonna be those things here. Not again. Some of the stuff, like his thoughtfulness and sweetness, couldn’t really be suppressed. But he did a lot of impression management in New York, including the creation of this nickname for himself.

Now, on to Part Two! See you there. 

[jimlingss]

Thank you, everyone, for your words of encouragement. In this short amount of time, I’ve been absolutely overwhelmed with messages of support. I want to reassure you all that I’m by no means as hurt as some of you think, or at least not after so much kindness. I’ve always encouraged all kinds of feedback!! From compliments to constructive criticism. And I’m (supposedly) an Adult™, so I can definitely take someone’s opinion.

Regardless, thank you to everyone who reached out to me. I want to respond to each and everyone of you under this post so I don’t flood other people’s dashes.

Anonymous said: about the anon who said your fics lack emotion, hmm i wouldn't quite agree tbh, i remember reading tears of a villian and deadass crying, it hurt me so much!! also, in "fall in hatred" their feeling are so well portrayed and i could understand why they acted a certain way! to conlclude, there is always some space for constructive criticism but your stories, are to me, something very attentively built and created, it's apparent that you completely enjoy writing, I can feel your enthusiasm!!

--to that anon; pls don't get this wrong way but it's just the way I see it and I've read quite a lot till now

nah deadass crying isn’t good enough anymore, anon. You have to be keening and violently sobbing until you’re brought into the ER for my fics to be considered to have emotion. lol I’m only kidding, thank you for the message.

peachiest-hun said: To that anon who said your work lacked emotions, I beg to differ! I have read Jungle Park so many times I know at exactly which chapter when the heavy angst starts happening and I read those parts when I just want to have a good cry (I still cry every. single. time)! Also Head Over Heels to Hell, The Colour of Our Voices, Love So Shallow (because I so relate with OC), and many more have given me the FEELS (happy and sad ones). 1/2

So what I'm trying to say is that Jimlingss is doing a great job in her craft. She does deliver emotions in her work and the reason I love it so much is that it's SUBTLE and not completely in your face. Sometimes emotions that are subtle and they hit you slowly, but powerfully it hurts even more for me. On another note, I'm loving Sugar and Coffee. In times of darkness which are often these days, I have something to look forward to every week to keep me motivated. So thank you Jimlinggs! 2./2

Istg Jungle Park is one of the most unexpectedly beloved fics on my blog but I love it hahaha I can’t believe you’ve read it to the point of knowing what chapter is what though. that’s an honour. There’s definitely stories of mine that are less subtle than others, but I’m glad that you enjoy the latter of them too :’) Thank you.

Anonymous said: This is my first time ever leaving a message on someone’s tumblr, but I just felt that I HAD to after reading that anon’s comment about your stories lacking emotion. I wholly disagree (in the nicest way possible, not throwing any shade at anyone). I’ve read all of your fics (for the past two years) and I look forward to when you release new material (the highlight of my Mondays right now after I come home from working at a clinic). Your stories have really lifted my mood during this pandemics an

Anonymous said: Sorry for that long tangent. Don’t even know if I made sense. You don’t have to respond to any of this, but you deserve to hear some positive words as well.

Oh my god. Did I just take your tumblr-message virginity? asdfghjkl I’m kidding. but thank you for reaching out to me. I can’t believe you’ve been around for such a long time and that I’m a part of your Monday routine :’) 

Anonymous said: OK that ask about "constructive criticism" was def imo RUDE. You don't just anonymously go into someone's asks and bluntly tell an author that their fics "lack emotion". That is not the way to encourage someone to improve and continue to work hard. That's just flat out mean. That person clearly doesn't care about your feelings or the fact that you write and share your stories for FREE for us to enjoy. I love your stories and appreciate what you've shared with us. Thank you for your hard work ❤️

I like to give the benefit of the doubt to anons and anyone sending me a message online in general. God knows there were times I meant well but it was received wrongly. But anyway, my mind was more boggled than I was hurt, that’s one thing for sure.

joonie-mono said: + it was called love so shallow which genuinely made me see myself in a character, but my point was that your writing has a specific feel to it, it's made me laugh and cry (His Name personally killed me :] ) and that's my opinion. You and your writing are amazing and I'm sorry but that anon was just so wrong.

oof bringing out the evidence. be my attorney please.

Anonymous said: As someone who has read your entire masterlist (and going through it again) i will have to wholeheartedly disagree with that anon. The way you portray SO many emotions in your fics is *chefs kiss* and I honestly thought that the ones that “lack emotion” were meant to be that way, with an open ending, the idea that their love just started, soo.... yeah, I’ll have to disagree.

There are definitely stories of mine that are a bit looser on romance. Such as Kitchen Romance, The President’s Son, The Heiress’ Son, Arcadia, etc. But I have a loooot of fics that are quite emphasized in either despair/sadness or cute fluff.

ladyartemesia said: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I am here to disrespectfully disagree with anon who probably doesn’t write effing ANYTHING and has no idea what it takes to produce the content you do. I have followed for months and I’m still not through your masterlist BECAUSE reading your stories is a bloomin EMOTIONAL EVENT. When I read Brass and Strings, I LOST A WHOLE DAY. Like I was so into it, my DAY was gone. Anon is prolly salty there isn’t more smut I guess. That’s whatever for them. (Part 1)

It’s subtle, deep, meaningful, and incredible and you’re one of my favorite authors. I can’t FOR A SECOND let that comment go cause it’s RIDICULOUS. You’re literally so gifted. You don’t need to change a thing. Every artist, no matter their medium, should continue to improve. So in that sense I wish you all the growth in the world as you work towards the perfection of your craft. BUT SERIOUSLY you’re an incredible writer. That anon is loony. I’m so sorry you had to even read those crazy words.

As I answer these messages, it’s starting to feel like I’m the third party mediator of a dispute and all y’all are just HAMMERING it to this anon, LOL. I’m not sure if the anon is necessarily requesting for more smut but if they are, they might be happy this Friday (*COUGH spoiler for those actually reading my responses)

Anyway, you’re too kind. thank you. I am definitely not as hurt as I was earlier.

((and tbh you’re hilarious, you’re actually making me laugh irl))

krystle1990 said: Woah!! Ok first that Anon is absolutely crazy. I literally stalk your page for new work being put out! I probably blow up your notifications daily. I've never been disappointed in any of your work. You always give a heads up if it will take time for the characters to realize their feelings which I absolutely love. It always leaves me ready for the next part and I am glued to my phone with every update. You're amazing and I can't wait to see how you grow with your work. 💜😘

ASDFGHJKL PLEASEEE if it’s someone who’s worried about blowing up notifications, it’s me. To those who have notifications on I sincerely can’t fathom how often I blow up people’s phones. I digress, I always give out warnings to keep people patient since I know slow burn can be excruciating haha thank you for the message.

kigurumu said: Also just want to add that saying you have good intentions or "don't mean to be mean" does not cancel out whatever offensive thing you just said. IT WILL STILL RUDE. Not saying all negative feedback is bad. Criticism can be hard to take no matter how it's phrased, but telling a writer to be more like another writer is like telling them their style isn't good enough which is NOT helpful. Your writing is your own. If the anon wants to read fics that are like gukyi's, they can read gukyi's fics 🙄

Also I've been waiting until Sugar and Coffee is done so I can binge it all at once but avoiding spoilers from all the asks is so hard haha! I keep seeing all these good things about it and I'm SO tempted to just read it now but I've already waited this long so I don't wanna give up kfnrjrofvjskdh guess I'll reread your other fics in the meantime

The message was fine on its own but I think dragging in another writer at the end was definitely not ok. When will comparing writers end. But regardless, gukyi and I are cool with one another - i mean we wrote 100k together so it’s gonna have to take a reverse Zuko arc for us to be on bad terms lol

Anyway, oooh you’re one of those bingers. Can’t say I blame you cause I love binging myself, so it’s understandable for readers to wait till the series is over. and since you were so kind in following up your original message with two more and expressing so much appreciation for me :’), I’ll let you know that the finale of Sugar and Coffee will be posted by July 20th! by then, the entire series will be completed. 

Anonymous said: Tbh i think that neither you nor that anon is wrong. Some people like it more romanticised and cheesy, some people dont. I believe that your stories are more on the realistic side of life. People (whom your characters represent) cant always be cheesy and passionate for love, there are other things in life! Maybe you're just the type who's too realistic for any hopeless romantic things like i am and it's fine. Not all writers can write dramatic romance

Tbh, I agree. It’s a matter of opinion and there’s no one wrong in the fight of opinions. As I’ve said many times on my blog, the cringe factor varies between person to person. What someone might think is fluffy is absolutely cringey to another. What someone might think is a good amount of fluff is not enough for someone else. I’ve written a lot. And I’ve made sure to add lots of variations between the amount of romance in my stories. Indeed, some are definitely more subtle and “realistic” while others are completely cheesy and makes me gag from the amount of sugar in it lol I just think the anon should take a look at more of my stories before coming up with such a conclusive opinion.

Anonymous said: I’ve been reading your fics for over a year now and religiously follow updates every week. Why? Because they make me feel something whether it be joy from fluff or grief from angst. I’ll remember a story of yours months after I first read it and return to it just to feel those emotions again. I understand that emotional responses are usually subjective but I think that anon needs to read your works again, because they sure are missing out.

I replied to that anon that they should check out more of my fics and then come back to tell me if they haven’t changed their minds, so I don’t know if they’re missing out or not lol

I don’t expect my stories to elicit emotional responses or fanatic feedback for everyone. God knows there’s been other people’s writing styles that just didn’t resonate with me no matter how hard I tried to read their stories. But all I ask is that people try. It’s fine if you give up halfway but at least try reading. That’s fair to ask, right?

[englishmagic]

How to know if you’re suffering from

Sertraline withdrawal

(Probably not a good idea to read this one tbh) 

(Unless you’re me and you need to scare yourself into NOT LETTING YOURSELF RUN OUT OF YOUR MEDS AGAIN ISTG)

Dizzy af

Ringing in ears

Not the regular kind you get after loud music or whatever but the sound of like, glass crunching at the back of your neck when you move your head

Everything is Scary (more than normal)

Get up at ten, take nap at noon, get up again at six, look at the time at seven thirty and cry because how is this wretched day not over yet

Every phone call ends with throwing yourself on your bed sobbing with fear and exhaustion

Cooking? Showering? Fresh air? Other humans? Who has the energy for that really advanced and difficult shit I am in awe you might as well run a marathon up Mount Everest

You’re pretty sure you have a headache, but you can’t feel the pain, just the rest of the... Headacheyness?

At least it’s not as bad as that one time it felt like someone else was using your brain to think thoughts you weren’t privy to that was INTENSE and NOT GREAT and a VERY LEGITIMATE REASON TO OPENLY CRY ON THE LONDON OVERGROUND

Side note I’ve heard people who come off sertraline cold turkey are at high risk of suicide but if the statistics included people jumping off high things or in front of trains those might be accidental because did I mention V E R T I G O

Seriously you get motion sickness from sitting still

Someone messaged you no need to read it because you know you’re in trouble you did something terrible they hate you or if they don’t then they should you are terrible you are the worst you need to stop existing NOW

White noise brain

Having periodic panic attacks because you’ve heard the suicide statistics and you’re afraid you’re going to hurt yourself you don’t feel like it right now you’re at normal (read: not in any way okay but at least manageable) levels of self hate but what if suddenly there’s a switch flipped and you get violent can you really trust yourself

What no everything is fine you’re making a big deal of this do you really feel ill or are you giving yourself another excuse oops you just nearly fell over cause of a dizzy spell and you severely burnt your too-ambitious attempt to make dinner (boiling some vegetables that have been rotting in the fridge while you ordered takeout instead of confronting them)

You’re shaking. Or are you?

In other news engaging with me is gonna be a bit of a roulette until I get this situation sorted out, sorry x

[dorkcresswxll]

i went...... hard y’all this is so extra and embarrassing but i spent like,, over an hour writing this down so ur all gonna see it u better.

Why did you choose to play the character that you do at Crimson Revolt?

im gonna be honest like………………………………. i picked dirk bc i wanted to play ezra miller lmao. I KNOW HOW SHALLOW THAT IS DONT LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT OKAY I CAN EXPLAIN!!!!!!!! alright so before i apped for crt the first time i was at…… a pretty low place confidence-wise bc i’d just left the first rpg i ever joined (also the first rp thing i ever did) and it was a pretty,,,, messy departure lmaoo i gotta admit i could’ve handled that better orz. BUT ANYWAY so i went looking through the ezra miller fc tag bc i’d just discovered this fabulous person and had vague ideas about a character that could fit the fc (dramatic, cheeky, a lil flamboyant) and was also thinking “i will never fall in love with a character the way i did my previous ones again” and more dramatic bullshit along those line bc like i said,,, bad time. obviously i didn’t find any active rpgs that had him in use so i checked crt bc i’d seen it around before and liked the look of it, so i sent the main an ask like “do you see ezra miller working for any of your open characters?” the admin at the time pointed me to barty crouch, peter pettigrew and dirk cresswell.

i just want to take a moment to digest that i could literally have played any of these three, cause all i had at the time was a vague idea of a character and a fc to match. i remember i spent days trying to decide between barty and dirk cause neither skeleton fit my vision perfectly and they both seemed aimed more towards an angry jock-type character (especially dirk his fc was miles teller which…. should give u a good idea of what the admin at the time had in mind for him) ( i mean the first skeleton. the one on the main now is one i rewrote after the main crashed back in june.) (just to clarify: the original skeleton had just as much potential to evolve to a complex and intriguing character as any other skeleton here at crt. i just had my vaguely dramatic ezra miller bby and i wanted it. lmao.) but i liked challenging set characterizations and bringing unique perspectives to contrast against any expectations the admin/s might have about a character. which is why i tend to go for skeleton rps, you get more freedom with those. eventually i decided on dirk bc i liked the sound of aversio and grey moralities appeal to me greatly. i spent a long time delving into the character’s backstory and personality and all those deep-seated insecurities and compelling contradictions that make dirk up to be the person he is now. by the time i submitted the app i was thoroughly in love with the character and haven’t stopped since. he’s my most developed and my most beloved character to play thus far.

Do you have a favorite holiday?

NOPE. as long as im surrounded by people i love and a lot of snacks im good.

Do you prefer coffee or tea? Perhaps neither, or both?

coffee. coffee coffee coffee.

What is your personality type?

INFP-T. the mediator. 86% introverted lmaooo.

What is your Hogwarts House?

ahhh. when i first read the books a few years ago i was like ‘iM A SLYTHERIN DONT TOUCH ME!!!!!’ but i…………literally have the subtlety of a bulldozing stampede of rhinos im sure y’all noticed. i took the pottermore test and had the glaring red n gold show up on my face and i shut the laptop down so fast like liES I BELIEVE NONE OF THIS. then i took a fan-made test that put me in ravenclaw and i was like…………….. ok i accept this compromise i can work with that. lmao im such a gryffindor tho don’t look at me im just *flops* pottermore was right….. i accept my place now i have stopped running from the truth orz.

What is your Zodiac Sign?

Taurus.

Three most recently watched on Netflix?

SURPRISE! i don’t have netflix. most recent stuff i watched tho are Stranger Things 2, IT (2017) and…. i can’t remember orz. but im obsessed with stranger things taLK TO ME ABOUT STEVE HARRINGTON PLS I LOVE HIM SO MUCH *SOBS*

Describe your ride-or-die friend.

don’t call me out like this…………………………………. i don’t make friends in real life people are difficult and i am awkward orz.

If you could have any superpower, what would you choose?

the ability to focus whenever i want at whatever i want for however long i want and actually manage to be productive with my time. what do u mean this is not a superpower i need it to be one.

Are you an early bird or a night owl?

i have no sleep schedule to speak of. sometimes i sleep at five am and wake up at eight am to get to my classes, then have a six hour nap when i get home and stay up until four am again. sometimes i go to bed on eight pm and wake up at four in the morning and still sleep through my classes, take a small four hour nap when im home and spend obligatory time with the fam for a couple hours lmao. it’s like im just sleeping or waking up either way im always a step removed from a zombie. there is. no reason for any of this i just do it.

What is your favorite color?

YELLOW. it’s so bright and sunny and iouwodc. i love it.

What is the last book you read? What is your favorite?

ahhhh i can’t remember my memory is failing me. which is sad cause i used to pick up a new novel every other day but i just can’t be bothered anymore ugh. i think my favorite was the whole PJO & HoO series’ – i haven’t read the last book yet tho, so i’ll start rereading all ten books when i get the chance.

Where would you rather be right now?

on a bed. sleeping. alone. with a lot of blankets. solitude appeals to me on such a deep level guys u don’t even know.

Have you ever watched the sunrise?

the ones i remember are three – once when i was a kid with my mom, bc i wouldn’t go to sleep and it was approaching sunrise and i rambled about wanting to see the sun come up so my mom was like………………… ‘*throws hands up* ok u lil monster u win’ and took me to the roof to watch the sunrise lol. it was glorious. and cold. bc winter. the second time was with my cousins who were sleeping over (for the first time in a loooong tiiiimmmeeee) and we decided to spend the night up on the roof bc why not. the last time was with my brother i think he was up there fixing something or the other and i was just there….. to be annoying lmao.

Do you listen to music when you write? If yes, what kind of music?

oh no i can’t. i need everything and everyone to be quiet or i can’t write a thing.

What’s the one thing you especially love about roleplaying your muse/s?

what do i love about playing dirk…… his impulsive and his bright attitude and his endless optimism. he has such an uplifting presence and a cheeky sort of charm that makes it impossible for people not to love him, that makes his worming into other people’s hearts so entirely predictable and entertaining to play out. he is a myriad of contradictions – the difference between what he thinks everyone deserves and what he thinks he deserves is appalling, and with time it becomes clear that when he says things like “everyone needs someone to lean on” or “everyone could use some support” he is not referring to himself as a part of this ‘everyone’, if even on a subconscious level, does not find himself worthy of such kindness. he is a character so full of love he is spilling and overflowing with it, his raw emotions and his turbulent nature one of the dearest parts of him to me. the thin line he walks between being kind and violent, loyal and unforgiving, genuine and secretive. all the little details that make him up are reason for me to love him as dearly as i do.

What’s your favorite type of weather?

cold, but not too cold, y’know? just enough to wear a jacket but not so much you spend the night under five covers and a thermometer lmaoo.

What’s your best RP experience?

crt. no contest. and im not just saying that cause i’ve been in a bunch of rpgs by now and they all either a) lack dedicated admins/members b) are cliquey and non-inclusive at all or b) fall into inactivity a meager month or two after opening. crt is one of a kind.

Who inspires you?

this is actually a tough question cause i never really stop to think about it?? i draw inspiration from everything around me and it’s kinda like…. im constantly absorbing stuff from the environment im in and it’s like i’m always half-thinking about writing at any given moment, if that makes sense?? dunno.

Spread some love: mention someone you’ve met that has influenced you or your writing in a positive way and explain how!

ahhh okay so. before i tried roleplaying i stumbled upon this rpg in the fandom tag over a year ago and it’s basically been the catalyst for my time in the rpc. i was looking through the character’s blogs and found someone playing peter and i was like……….. not fond of peter at the time tbh but this person’s writing was so fucking incredible i checked their blog daily, just to see how this thread or that thread would go. their take on a character i’d only held distaste for before was so compelling and complex i was drawn in all the way, i’d even come to love the character so much and was constantly disarmed by the smallest to the biggest details in that person’s characterization – at least the details i could pick up on, some i’m sure went way over my head at the time. some details i still remember vividly and they’ve helped me shape my first character and have influenced my writing thereafter. i learned a lot about the duality of a character’s mind and how to express inner conflict by observing that person’s writing. (yes i sent them a nerdy af message gushing about all that bc they hadda know man…. they hadda know.)

[jiminelli]

We Don’t Talk Anymore | 2

Genre: Angst

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader 

Word Count: 2.419

A/N: well I actually did finish it tonight, what a surprise! I don’t know what to think of this tbh meh, let me know your thoughts :)

also I did not proof read again, so there’s a high possibility that my tired brain did make some horrible mistakes in this and I already want to apologize for that

♔  WDTA 1

Her dress was hugging every single one of her curves like his hands used to do. Gently caressing her soft skin, like he used to do. The light illuminating her skin softly, giving it a golden glow, making her eyes sprinkle while her smile seemed to be able to cure illnesses. Her hair slowly swaying from side to side while she laughed at Hoseok’s jokes, placing one of her perfectly small hands on his shoulder for support, the way she used to do it to him.

Jungkook couldn’t tear his gaze from your figure, no matter how hard he tried. You looked like an angel descended from heaven. Nothing compared to you. He had bought you that dress as a Valentine’s gift, knowing that it wouldn’t stay long on your body while he was around and therefor giving himself a nice present as well. Seeing you was already hard enough but this whole situation made it ten times worse. What was he saying, a million times worse and more.

Memories of that exact night came flooding back into his mind, heart aching and tears filling up his eyes, about to spill. 

“You look really beautiful tonight (Y/N)”, he complimented you, looking for the same pain in your eyes that he was feeling.

“You really do (Y/N)! I really love your dress, where did you get it from?”, his girlfriend asked you. Her voice made Jungkook’s insides twist in regret, realizing how painful it might have been for you to sit right across from them.

Instead he saw you smiling back at her. “Thank you! Sadly, I don’t remember where I got this from… I think it might have been a gift or something”, you smiled apologetically and she shrugged before turning her attention back to Taehyung who was sitting on her other side. 

Nobody else seemed to notice that your hands were slightly shaking while brushing down your dress and when you spoke; you seemed to be a little out of breath, as if your nerves were taking up all your energy. 

Nobody, except for Jungkook. 

He noticed every small detail. He knew you like the back of his hand and seeing you like this, trying to hide your feelings, trying to stay strong while your eyes were already turning watery, he wanted to do nothing more than to hold you in his arms and tell you that everything’s going to be fine. 

That he would be there for you. Kissing those tears away while rubbing small circles into your skin, telling you how beautiful you were. He’d promise you as many times before that he would never leave you.

Wasn’t it ironical that he wanted to comfort you and tell you these things when he already did leave you? He already broke your heart, he was the reason behind those tears and he knew. Because he was feeling the same.

A tear silently rolled down his cheek before he could stop it and his hand was quick to wipe it off.

“Who is she Jungkook?”, your voice cut slices into his skin. Never had he seen you this angry.

“She’s just a friend from uni (Y/N), relax”, he tried to play it down, letting himself fall onto your couch and grabbing the remote to turn on the Sports News.

As he leaned back, you ripped the remote out of his hands, throwing it against the wall, making him flinch at the sound.

“Who. Is. She?”, one of your hands was holding onto your phone for dear life while the other one was being clenched into a fist, slowly turning white. Jungkook saw the anger burning inside of you and even though you were fuming, he still thought you were the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. His breath got caught in his throat as he looked up at you, getting lost in your eyes before your voice broke him out of his trance.

He shook his head a little and stood up, walking past you and rolling his eyes. “I told, she’s just a friend, no need to get jealous babe.”

“Don’t fucking ‘babe’ me Jungkook! What is this huh?”, you stopped him on his shirt, making him face your phone. There was a picture of two figures, one being held up against a wall by the other, while their tongues swirled around each other. His hands on her butt, her hands in his hair. Even though he recognized that scene on the screen, he shook his head again and shrugged. “Looks like some nasty college kids making out in the backyard of some house, how the hell am I supposed to know?”

He tried to free himself from your grip but you were holding his shirt so tight, he was scared it might rip if he broke apart violently. So instead, Jungkook stayed in place, eyes looking anywhere but at your face, heart beating painfully in his chest and blood pulsing in his ears.

“Look at me”, you whispered, voice already shaking as you knew him too well. Jungkook knew that you had figured out he was lying. Yet, he tried his best to seem convincing. He really didn’t want to hurt you. His love for you was stronger than anything he had ever felt. He didn’t want to cause you pain. Not for any costs.

Your finger softly turned his face to yours and he looked at your broken expression. “Look me in the eye and tell me this isn’t you making out with another girl. Look me in the eye and promise me that you didn’t do anything with her while you were at the exact same party yesterday.”

His gaze locked with yours and all his insides dropped. He wanted to lie. He wanted to tell you that he’d never do something like that to you, that you were his one and only. That all he ever had in mind was you and only you. Which was true. But in that one second, he allowed someone else into his mind and it all escalated. Escalated so bad, he’d never thought was possible.

“I-”, he started but his voice broke and he had to restart. Your big, dull eyes, filled with tears, hands shaking and clinging onto him as if her life depended on him, made lying so hard. His heart and mind battling each other between telling her the truth and hoping for the best, just kissing her and holding her, comforting her. Making her believe that he was the one she was looking for. the one that would never hurt her, never do something like that to her. 

“I- that’s-”, he stuttered and your eyes closed in resignation, small tears escaping your eyes and rolling down your cheeks. His hand automatically shot up to wipe them away but it got slapped away by your own as you turned around, facing away from him. “I swear, I didn’t mean to (Y/N). I- I could never hurt you like this!”

Jungkook noticed how desperate he sounded, how dumb and idiotic. But it was the truth. He never wanted this to happen. Never in a million years.

“Don’t pull that shit on me Jungkook! Don’t you dare pull that ‘I didn’t mean to’ crap!”, your voice had turned into screams, streams of tears covering your yet so beautiful voice, shattering Jungkook’s heart into tiny pieces. He reached out for you but you stepped back, giving his heart another crack.

“(Y/N)...”, he whispered but you cut him off. 

“Pack your stuff. Now. And get out of my apartment. I don’t want to see you ever again, you understand that? Never again!”

Your screams and sobs still echoed through his head. The same way your laugh and giggles wouldn’t leave his mind. Every beautiful and every painful sound that ever left your mouth was burned into his memory. Every moment he had spent with you, every smile, every playful smack, every hug, every touch. Every stupid joke. Every silly comment. 

Everything.

There wasn’t a night where he didn’t miss your touch, your smell, your soft hums. He had gotten used to your body laying beside his at night that he barely slept now. He missed you like lungs missed the air. He missed you like fish missed the water. He missed you like the birds missed the sky. He missed you like the sun missed the moon. It was unbearable and yet he was the one who caused it.  

Now you were standing beside him, applauding to one of the manager’s speeches while waiting for this dinner to be over. Jimin was standing on your other side, making Jungkook fume with anger and jealousy. He was supposed to be the one being there for you. He was supposed to be the one being to hold you whenever, kiss you whenever and erupt into little giggles with you together. 

As everybody started heading back to their seats, Jungkook took the opportunity and stopped you by gently grabbing your wrist. Electricity ran through both of your bodies, your eyes widening in disbelief as Jungkook smiled slightly. 

He turned to Jimin. “Hey man, can I borrow her for a minute?”, Jungkook knew that if he asked Jimin, his hyung would say yes and you wouldn’t have an excuse to say no to him.

As predicted, Jimin smiled and nodded before heading back to his seat, leaving the two of you alone. You looked lost and Jungkook’s instincts to protect you from anything bad became more prominent. He swallowed hard, reminding himself that it wasn’t in his rights to feel like this any longer.

“Let’s go somewhere more quiet, I need to talk to you”, he said before turning into the direction of the balcony, looking back once to make sure you were following him.

Stepping outside, he held the door open for you and a mild breeze hit your naked skin, making goosebumps appear. Jungkook noticed that you were feeling uncomfortable in his presence and he lowered his head in sadness. If anyone would have told him a year beforehand that you two would end like this - not that anyone knew about the two of you to be able to tell him - he would have laughed at him and declared him for mad. 

“So, what did you want to talk about?”, you asked casually, avoiding his gaze and looking up at the stars instead. He smiled a little at your behavior, knowing that you were only doing that because you were too nervous (and hurt) to face him directly. 

“I’m sorry”, Jungkook apologized suddenly, making your head snap at him, eyes wide in surprise. Quickly, you caught yourself and looked back into the restaurant, making sure that nobody was looking for the two of you.

“For what?”, you raised one eyebrow at him, questioning his apology. Anyone could apologize but not everybody knew what they were apologizing for.

“For promising you that I would be the man that you needed. For promising you that I’d never ever hurt you. For promising that I would never leave you, no matter how hard times would get. For promising you a future together. For promising everything we both wanted and needed and yet standing here, having broken every single one of those promises”, a lump started to rise in Jungkook’s throat so he quickly swallowed and continued.

“I’m sorry for glorifying your simple being, loving everything you do or didn’t do. For falling so hard for you that everything else just didn’t matter anymore. For making you fall so hard for me that you were blind to anything that didn’t involve me. For causing you so much pain that breathing alone was one of the hardest tasks you had to go through in your entire life. I’m sorry for every single tear you shed because of me, every single scream you led out because of me. For every broken vase, every deleted picture and every deleted song. I’m sorry for every time you had to run to the bathroom in the middle of the night, throwing up into the toilet because you thought that this pain was about to eat you out alive, burning you from the inside and taking all the air from your lungs.”

Your eyes had started to well up with tears, bottom lip stuck between your teeth, trying to hold your composure. When Jungkook looked at you, you breathed out, shaking your head.

“How do you know all this?”, your voice was barely whisper but Jungkook would have heard you anywhere.

“Because I felt the same.”

“Why now?”, you choked out before tears wet your puffy face.

“Because I see you with him (Y/N). I see how you’re trying to forget about me, about us. I see how every time he touches you, you flinch but act as if nothing happened. I see how when you open up, you cling onto him as if you were scared he might leave you as well. I see the dark circles around your eyes, no matter how hard you try to cover them up. You don’t sleep at night because you can’t let his warmth lull you in like mine did. You can’t move on even though I know you want to”, Jungkook’s voice started shaking at the thought of what’s going to come. He closed his eyes, ignoring the stinging feeling in his chest and the burning in his lungs that were telling him that this was not right. 

“That’s why I’m telling you this”, he breathed out, looking at you sincerely. “So you can find closure and move on. Be happy with him. Let him love you like I did and love him like you loved me. He’s the one you need, the one you want. He will be your happiness.”

“Jungkook...”, you choked out in between tears but he shook his head and smiled at you, tears now also streaming down his face. 

“Shh it’s okay. You deserve him”, was all he could muster to say before reaching out for the door handle, ready to go back inside.

“What about you?”, you asked heartbroken, grabbing his arm and holding onto it.

“I’ll be fine”, was all he said, before placing a soft kiss onto your forehead, lips lingering on your skin a little bit longer before opening the door and going back to the table as if nothing had happened.

Because for him, nothing would change. 

Except for seeing you being finally happy with his best friend.

©jiminelli

[sexysilverstrider]

Azura and Shigure for the character meme please! (Optional: the rest of Lasazu family :D)

AH THE DANCER FAMILY

Azura

First impression: wow shes so pretty! she must be SUPER shy and SUPER timid and

Impression now: snarky ocean woman

Favorite moment: tbh??? her conq dance routine. that song. that movement. she was ready to fucking KILL garon from the inside out dnt test her.

Idea for a story: failed revelation au where azura agrees to follow laslow back to ylisse after years n years in valla helping hana being the queen. azura wants to meet her in laws. laslow is thankful n excited. he promises to come back to valla they will find a way :’)

Unpopular opinion: i…dont like the eng version of azuras song tbh ahaha ;;; when i first heard it in the trailer i just went ‘wth’

Favorite relationship: laslow!!! such beautiful soulmates :’)

Favorite headcanon: shes a bit clingy to her lover so when she n laslow dated azura has a tiny habit of clinging to his arm or holding his hand :3c

Shigure

First impression: lucina 2.0

Impression now: angel face angel voice

Favorite moment: THE HOSHIDO FESTIVAL SCRAMBLE where shigure practices his dancing n gets a bit giddy hes doing well before lasow sees n interrupts awww

Idea for a story: failed revelation au AGAIN HAHA shigure is the key to defeat anankos in hopes that his powers combined with azuras in the past will be enough to weaken anankos (n sacrificing himself instead of his mother doing so)

Unpopular opinion: as much as i like his existence i REALLY hate the babyrealm. nt really a popular opinion bt an opinion tht haunts me for years lmao.

Favorite relationship: i….tbh i really like his chemistry with rhajat. (mostly since laslows his dad so laslow can see tht shigures love for creepy person is obviously gotten from olivia lol) but alas their S support sucks so i pretend that never happens lmao.

Favorite headcanon: OOOOOOOOO shigures right eye is actually pure red. this is because of laslows genetic trait but instead of dimming back to its natural yellow colour it stays red n shines just as bright everytime shigures emotions get to him. also, without him realizing it, hes actually a bit passionate himself where it kinda creeps people out.

also since u asked heres the lasazu fam under the cut hehehe

Soleil

First impression: oh my god laslow has a child

Impression now: STRONG SUPER BUFF WOMAN WHO CAN LIFT U WITH ONE ARM N STEAL YO GURL

Favorite moment: that scene where soleil tried to fake her happiness in front of laslow only to break down. sounds familiar? :3c

Idea for a story: failed revelation au coz at this point fuck it anyways where soleil is one of the 4 kids who suggested the time travelling business. theres also the mini idea that soleil fought hard against a heavily wounded shigure niisan n she became such an empty shell of a girl years n years before they went back to the past.

Unpopular opinion: tbh i like hw the localization made soleils S supports with most of the dude end in friendship. since the only S support (besides with kamui) that really ended with love was with foleo it justifies that soleil p much prefers cute, feminine looks

Favorite relationship: soleil/foleo and also a bit of soleil/ophelia c:

Favorite headcanon: compared to shigure who resembles grandma olivia, soleil has an uncanny resemblance to grandpa henry. she has his smile. she has his laugh. she even has his creepy passionate personality. she even turns the battlefield into a game n is not afraid to have enemies blood splattered all over her

Laslow

First impression: is that u son

Impression now: REALLY UGLY SOBBING

Favorite moment: WHEN LASLOW TOLD SOLEIL HE SOMETIMES CACKLES LIKE A MADMAN WHEN HES BEING SURROUNDED BY ENEMIES JUST TO THROW THEM OFF. HE CANONICALLY BREAKS DOWN IN HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER AS HE KILLS THEM!!! IM WEAK

Idea for a story: a fanfic where azura saw laslow fight so demonically so laslow tries to run away from her in shame. she saw how his eyes turned red in bloodlust. he is ashamed.

Unpopular opinion: despite my nagging, i am actually glad for laslows canon death in br. i love to suffer.

Favorite relationship: AZURA ;w; also laslow/kamui coz that S support has no business fucking me up

Favorite headcanon: laslow actually misses the original colour of his hair :’) hes super protective of his kids too and was the first to cough violently when he saw baby shigures left eye was a deep blood red. OH theres also the hcanon where the reason laslow is so used to pieris horrifying bloodlust is coz he had henry as a dad. this is natural to him c:

[maude-lebowski]

Fun reminder that Hillary Clinton has been a regular cast member in the world of my dreams since early childhood, with the most common reoccurring episode involving variations of her being enslaved in a prison camp. I'm always notified of the news by an owl, along with the fact that I am the Chosen One to save her -and therefore the world- which I do by swooping in on the back of an enormous chickenhawk, diving down straight into the midst of the prison camp through the violent sounds of my bird of prey's screech and my own warrior cry, intermingled with the strangled sobs from those below just pierced with my magnificent Arrows of Justice. I leap off of the bird as it begins to grab men with its beak to toss into the raging river below, and I deftly fight my way using taekwondo to Hillary's cell - which, naturally, is being guarded by the leader of the camp, the most Evil of Evil. We never see his face, he appears to be made only of robes and brief glimpses of deceivingly fragile hands. I'm reminded of the Mad Monk father always warned me of in childhood. But this time, Mad Monk, this time I am not afraid - I will destroy you. And so it is. I pick open the cell door and Hillary -shaken, but never, ever beaten down; only the slightest smudge on an otherwise impeccable [as always] pantsuit- she runs full speed to my arms and I to hers and we share a passionate [but yet platonically respectful, dignified] embrace. "I had hoped it would be you, especially after the owls." I flash a sly, cocky grin, my face alight. "There's no time to talk now, talk is for later. Let's go. I trust you can get us back out as well." "Yes Ma'am, Madame President." "Hillary. Drop the BS. Watch out for the raptors, they have them on watch all over this goddamned hellhole of a jungle." We both look up to see that clearly the raptors are a threat no longer, as Coop [the giant hawk] is throwing them 4,5,6 at a time over a cliff, into a river, down a ravine, eating them whole. He finishes with the last and lands, allowing myself to climb aboard up front with Hillary behind me. We take flight and make our way to the Conference of Crows, with whom we confer a great lot. Eventually the day and whole ordeal wraps up to a tidy end, and Hillary and I ride off into the sunset together on the back of a mammoth, knowing that the war is far from over, but ready to fight to the death to take back what is rightfully hers. ---------------------- NOTE: I love these dreams 'cause they're literally just the MOST fun & tbh give a really actually kinda weird level of insight as to what goes on in my mind not just in the now, but throughout my childhood as well considering this consistently returning dream has been around for literally near 15 years, lmaooo.

[sssssssim]

So, basically. I have re-read Harry Potter (third time, after seeing the movies again, after seeing Fantastic Beasts) and took a picture of all the things that... caught my eye. Be it funny, surprising, or things that I forgot since the last re-read. 

       Let’s talk about them.

This... is going to be a very long post. It’s going to be massive. It has over 200 pictures. Enjoy!

Draco Malfoy is 11 years old and has a hella sweet tooth, that his mom encourages. 

LIKE DUDE. They really didn’t like Hermione at the begining. 

That’s... pretty ruthless, Hermione. Chill. 

I find it absolutely hilarious that Harry keeps saying Draco is his archenemy. Soooo dramatic.

This is literally what happened in Rick Riordan’s Percy Jackson, Nico kept babbling on on about Percy to his father. Turned out Nico had a crush on Percy. ... Oops.

This seems so... harsh. For 11 years old. Like good god. I know everyone else’s reaction was much more interesting, the Weasleys willing to fight for Hermione, Ron -while throwing up slugs- explaining why it’s such a bad word, but I’m thinking more about how Malfoy didn’t hesitate in using it, even if he knew fully well what it meant. He had such a shitty upbringing. 

Typical Harry, to be honest.

That awkward moment when Ron is the one actually thinking things through.

Don’t get me wrong here, this is the end of the first book. He’s an 11 year old child facing off two wizard who are a lot older, trained, more powerful than him. It’s perfectly normal for him to be muttering about anyone helping him. It’s also pretty good for him to get used to saying those words so early on :))

I need this quote on a shirt.

WELL FUCK THIS FORESHADOWING

Wendelin the Weird is so very weird, but I don’t wanna kinkshame her.

That sounds like a very ... magical... porn. 

BROKEN BALLS

I really want a mirror like that. That tells me I have a thread sticking out of my sweater before I leave the house, that tells me that I forgot to comb my hair and so on. I need it. Also, it would be such a good thing for people with anxiety to have, wouldn’t it? They’d have someone/thing to talk to, prepare themselves for a social outing. 

McGonagall is something else. Bless her.

Look at Draco’s two girlfriends worrying about him.

I bet Malfoy would love Harry to... “skin his shrivelfig” *wiggles eyebrows*

This is so explaining of Hermione and Harry. She’s excited and knows the answer, while Harry is low-key hating at her and his approach on knowledge is meeeh.

Ron swears. I feel like this is an important detail. I like this detail.

I think this is Fudge speaking. Or someone similar. But, I mean... If you ever doubted that Sirius is so very fucking strong...

I am a sucker for Harry Potter AUs and I have an itch to write the Teen Wolf one with Derek as a first year :))

Snape, my man... really. Well what if his right pinky is allowed??!!!

This is it. This is everything. Not only did Hermione smack that bitch up, but everyone else’s reaction is glorious. Bless this.

You were thinking about him, eh?

(Have I mentioned that I’m reading these books with Dramione glasses now? Heh. Sorry, but I’m not sorry.)

NOW LOOK. I would kill for a Netflix series about the Marauders in highschool. I feel like their characters could be so freacking awesome! And this, this line, ‘there were near misses, many of them’. I want 5 seasons of them. Please.

The relationships Hermione makes with the grown men around her are beautiful to see. We see a bit of her and Mr. Weasley through the books. And here, Sirius and Lupin, they have hearts in their eyes for Hermione. I don’t know if it was because she reminded them of Harry’s mom, or because Hermione is just so smart and kind and strong. But either way, it’s amazing.

As I was saying. Heart eyes. 

Harry’s approach to time-travel seems pretty reasonable.

Harry, what the hell did you smoke?!

I actually do not know if normal straight boys think of other boys as ‘extremely handsome’. I mean, I don’t think they do...

Again. The grown men vs. Hermione. Bless her. I also like how Harry thinks of him as ‘Mr. Malfoy’, even is his head. It should be a sign of respect, but I think it’s more of how Malfoy is imposing and mildly terryfing.

So. One, again, Ron swearing and Harry being too proper to reproduce it. Secondly, they’re at the World Cup and the Death Eaters are there. And by this point, neither of the three even thought that Hermione was in danger because of her muggle parents. But Draco pointed it out. And while, yeah, it was said with a sneer and a clear bad intent... It was also a warning, wasn’t it? It made Ron and Harry think of protecting her. 

This hurts so much, oh my gods. And you know I’m going to be looking for what her last words to Fred were. *sniff sniff sobb sobb*

Some things never change, no matter what year you’re in or world you’re on. I don’t know about you gals, but this is something I still say. And I’m 26 years old and living in Romania.

Mrs. Weasley is... pretty... uhm... harsh. 

Ron, dude... just how fucking strong are you? This is year 4. So he’s 15 years old. Like. D U D E.

Same, Harry. Same. Mornings are awful.

I... need that book. how much is too much?

He needed Hermione, of course he did. I think one of the smartest things Harry ever did was realize that he needed Hermione.

To be honest, I have cried over Ron and Harry’s friendship several times in the past and I too would want to hug them both at the same time. 

This is still the best line ever said in these books. 

Remember that time everyone’s jaw dropped over how good Hermione looked at the Yule Ball? Including Draco? Yeah, fun times.

Another brilliant life quote.

I TOTALLY FORGOT about the part where during the Triwizard Tournament, Hermione recieved hate mail because people thought she was double-teaming Harry and Krum.

NIFFLERS !!!

Siblings. <3

Sirius, you adorkable man, that is the cutest thing ever. That, and the fact that when the kids are talking about you and they don’t want everyone else to know they’re talking about you, they don’t call you Padfoot, they call you Snuffles. And you don’t mind it. Snuffles!!! Snuffles and his paw. AWH.

“Friendly reminder” that Cedric was tortured by Krum, just a little bit before he was killed.

uhm

iconic

Remember that time when Harry used just the fleeting thought of Hermione and Ron to conjure a full bodied patronus?

So much snark. So much funny. So much Harry-ness and Lupin-ness.

Harry. Calm the actual fuck down.

This echange, it hurts a whole freacking lot if you think about Sirius’s last words to Harry in the movie.

Such an interesting thing, Mrs. Weasley and Sirius fighting over who is more entitled to take care of Harry.

YEAH Look at Ginny! And look at her big brothers acknowledging her awesomeness.

Favorite cousin. Oh boy. That hurts mildly. ... How happy would have Sirius been that Lupin and Tonks got married? Oh boy. That hurts violently. 

Sirius is just a slightly older teenager. ‘snogging a pair of my father’s old trousers’. Lol. Just. Lol.

Yes, he’s talking to Harry. And yes, it’s one of the best descriptions of Harry ever.

Does getting off not mean the same thing in the UK? Why are they celebrating Harry masturbating ?! I can’t help but thing of Captain America: Winter Soldier and Steve is in an elevator filled with men, and his lips move to the words Before we start, does anyone wanna get off?, and the audio says get out and honestly.

Do people still insist that Ron is stupid? Cause Harry sure doesn’t think so.

Seriously. Marauders Netflix series. 5 seasons. Gimme.

This scene went on with Mrs. Weasley seeing her entire family, the twins TOGETHER, Harry and Hermione. I was sobbing alongside her, tbh.

Sirius is a slightly older child. 

Oh look! Ginny getting Luna and Neville together. How sweet ^.^

SO MANY THINGS HERE. Harry’s humor. Neville being amused by it. Neville’s self-deprecation. Ginny sticking up for him. Luna’s straightforwardness. 

Harry discovering what it’s like to be the third wheel in a lover’s spat.

Hermione rebelling against the system is a thing of beauty, really. Cinnamon roll thinks of nothing but murder all day.

This is a scene I remembered from the first time I read the books. And it’s still just as glorious now as it was then.

BOWTRUCKLES. 

I know they’re talking about giants but PENIS.

Of course her frostiness seemed to melt when she looked up at Ron. I like how Harry is slowly but surely noticing things.

Ron is, however, NOT noticing things.

Lee is such an underrated character.

Not gonna lie, I want a bauble with HAVE A VERY HARRY CHRISTMAS.

Another thing I remembered. I have yet to end up in a situation in which I could have used this insult, but I’m still planning on doing it.

Fred and Sirius fighting over dying for the Order GOOD GOD THAT HURTS

I... I just... Sirius being in full Christmas mode GOOD LORD

Sirius and Lupin buying joint Christmas gifts OKAY that’s not gay AT ALL.

Just... picture this. Visualize it in your head. I couldn’t stop laughing.

Neville THRIVING in the DA god bless 

Now look I ain’t saying they shouldn’t have trusted Dumbledore. I’m just saying he sure kept a lot of things from Harry.

Ginny is a force to be reckoned with. 

Harry, dude, what the hell were you smoking before bed???

So they are allowed to sit at other tables? Why isn’t anyone else doing it?

10 life saving wizard makeup hacks

I need that on a tshirt.

Same, Hannah. Same.

Dumbledore will not stand for physical abuse. Which is kind of funny (and by that, I mean really not funny) considering how Umbridge was torturing the students with her special quills.

There we go, Harry. Now you’re starting to really see Hermione-and-Ron.

Of course he hasn’t got a bit of a saving-people-thing. *snort*

So it was Ron who found the prophecy and really, that is very fine by me. I read a theory that Ron has a bit of a Seer in him. It wouldn’t surprise me, tbh.

SO Neville went through the first five years of school with a wand that WASN’T HIS. And it wasn’t for money reasons, like Ron did. It was just his Grandma screwing up because of sentimentality. And still.... Neville passed all of his classes. And he got really good in the DA. With the wrong wand. He’s pretty amazing.

I’m making a list of people I totally forgot were tortured before the war even started. So far it’s Harry, Cedric and Neville.

Last words. Also, first time Sirius and Neville were in the same room. (and not only did Sirius know who Neville was by seeing him, but he knew his name as well. was he friends with his parents? real friends, not just members of the Order?)

Things I completely forgot happened. 

Honestly, this feels like the only flaw Dumbledore could be faulted with. It also makes me very interested to see the relationship between him and Newt. 

LET ME SCREAM THIS FROM THE TOP OF MY LUNGS SERIOUSLY WHY WAS THIS NOT ADRESSED IN THE MOVIES I’M STILL SO ANGRY

Dumbledore’s crying and I was crying because he loves Harry so much good lord help me

Amazing. Harry’s comeback power. Brilliant.

Somehow, I forgot this particularly disturbing detail: dementors let out mist when they breed. 

THE OTHER SIDE CAN DO MAGIC TOO i mean jesus christ poor bloke he’s the Prime Minister and this is way above his pay grade

Snape being polite is unnerving.

SO FUN FACT. Snape did, in fact, fool the greatest wizard, the most accomplished Legilimens the world has ever seen. And I think Narcissa Malfoy did too (I’m not sure that bit in the movie, where she lies to Voldermort about Harry being that, not sure if that’s straight from the book, I guess I’ll see)

Now look I haven’t read The Cursed Child yet, but it is my understanding that... Voldermort shares most thing with Bellatrix, especially things that should stay in his pants. Right? It would explain her... behaviour. 

The dumbass seems glad. Oh lordy. MIstakes were made, by Draco. 

Dumbledore loves Harry so much because they share the same type of... snark. 

Mama bear.

I’m not sure whether I want to point out how much I love Luna’s embarrassing honesty, or Harry’s way of dealing with it. 

DO YOU EVER CRY BECAUSE YOU WANT ANOTHER Also. This is very important. That Voldermort has chosen. 

That’s so... I mean... Yeah, everyone would have loved to have been in her place but jesus Draco as a boyfriend. I can’t even picture it properly.

On one hand, poor Neville. On the other hand, bless McGonagall.

I C O N I C

also I can’t believe Harry survived this

If you ever wondered what Ginny smells like. 

That sounds incredibly kinky. 

Bless Hermione. Honestly, it would have made sense for her to end up with Harry, as well. 

Same, Hermione. Same. I never harm a new book. Old ones, sure, but never a new one.

AMAZING. This is their lives jfc. They’re teenagers and Ron is really asking this question for real. 

This was too good. I can’t deal with Ron speaking in a completely different voice. And I can’t deal with Harry’s awkwardness either. 

I like the way Harry described his MASSIVE ATTACK OF JEALOUSY

Year six, aka the year in which EVERYONE discovered they had a sex drive. 

Now, there is a discussion we need to have. WHY has Bellatrix been teaching Draco Occlumency? Also, is he good enough at it to hide from Voldermort? (Like Snape did). Cause that just goes to show how much POTENTIAL Draco had, that got flushed down the toilet because he sided with the wrong side.

I like how Fred just mildly questions it, and then moves past it. 

Hilarious. Also, reminds me of Stiles. It sounds like something he would say. 

Harry’s sweater didn’t have an H on it. 

Goes hand in hand with Hermione’s helping hand. 

I tried to count how many times Harry calls Voldermort handsome, but I couldn’t keep track. Honestly, do normal straight boys use this word so much?

Well, Harry, at least you realize you have a slight... unstraight... issue. 

Seriously. Handsome. 

The fact that Voldermort wanted to teach at Hogwarts... is both brilliant and terryfing. He also... I mean.... I am yours to command. jfc.

OH THAT EXPLAINS A LOT

She’s talking about Draco and my heart is breaking for the kid who screwed up one too many times. 

Ron is a very surprising character. Because he seems like an idiot, and he is sometimes. But other times, he’s got the brains and the street smarts to think outside the box, further than Hermione and Harry.

It just baffles me, how obsessed Harry was with Draco through this book. Granted, it was for a good reason, but at the end, Harry did spend a whole lot of time studying Draco.

The fact that Draco suffered a lot in year 6 is something you’ve accepted a long time ago. And you read the tumblr posts about it, and you see the movies. And then you go back to read the book and it just HITS YOU again, how horrible it was.

After Ginny and Harry kissed in the middle of the crowded common room. Amazing, Ron. Amazing. 

Gross sobbing, yes. Also thinking about who is them?

And Harry said the same thing about Dumbledore. And you cry and you cry because everything went to shit.

He’s talking to Draco, and Draco has to kill him and he knows it and my dear boy and I’m crying really badly.

So Draco hates Hermione pretty bad, by this point. Right? But even so, he doesn’t undermine her brains. 

HE WAS NOT GOING TO DO IT, DAMN IT

He made stupid mistakes, but he wasn’t stupid. And he was terrified. Damn it damn it damn it. SERIOUSLY NOW. I think the story would have been a lot more interesting if we saw Draco switching sides. I know there’s some sort of redemption in The Cursed Child, I’ll get to that but... it could have happened here, damn it. It should have happened here.

a most Hermione-ish look what even is that? =))

GOOD BOY, HARRY. GOOD. 

On one hand, this breaks my heart, because they were lonely. On the other hand, it warms my heart because Harry is aware of it, and because Luna and Neville dove right into danger without a second thought.

Again, I haven’t read The Cursed Child. But... flirting. ew. 

They were running from Voldermort, here. Taken into hiding. God bless Dudley Dursley.

Kinky. 

Last words.

If that would actually work... accio-ing people... i bet the Hogwarts hallways would be... chaos.

I would read three books about Tonks and Mad-Eye being Aurors.

Hermione is a the ends justify the means person. ... to an extent.

Dick jokes, god bless. 

SO. MANY. THINGS. I’m gonna focus on the fact that Ron got this from his older brothers. BLESS THAT. Siblings!!! Bros being bros, helping each other with the ladies! GOD BLESS IT. I want to see so much more of it. 

*sobbs quietly* I’m sure George witll do as you said.

So. Are we going to see Grandpa Krum in Fantastic Beasts? Also... everything is connected and the inside of JK’s head is amazingly mesmerizing. 

T H I S =)). Poor Krum just wanted to get laid =))

So. About that theory I read, where Ariana was an obscurus... After reading this. I’m like 80% sure she was. It explains a lot of things. 

Voldermort made Draco torture people. jesus christ that boy had it bad

... at least Harry sees it. At least someone saw it. 

I’m still torn about this. Because on one hand, Harry is exaggerating. But on the other hand, Dumbledore did use and manipulate Harry since the start. It was for the greater good, yes, but.... I’m torn. 

I have a feeling that a lot of wizard’s final acts have been to try to protect Harry.

This was horrible. It made Lupin do the right thing, but shit, Harry. 

I’m curious. If Harry thinks now, that Lupin and Tonks had to leave their kid.

I wanna write that quote on my ceiling.

GOD BLESS THE SILVER TRIO

Really, Harry was the worst student of the three.

So many things happened in Godric’s Hollow.

Beautiful.

WELL. I do wonder who chose that quote. 

I love these two together. They have such a beautiful relationship. And I imagine that Harry married Ginny first. And then, they’re at Hermione and Ron’s wedding. And the party’s dying down, and they’re sitting alone at a table, having a cup of tea. And Harry knocks their shoulders together and says that they’re finally family. And Hermione laughs, tells him that they’ve always been family, wedding rings or not. 

Very interesting pieces of information that we’re gonna keep an eye out for in the Fantastic Beasts movies.

I’m... 60% sure that a friendship wasn’t all they “struck”.

The question is if Grindelwald already knew about the obscurus by this point. Or if seeing Ariana dying because of it, if that is what triggered his obsession with them.

AND THIS IS WHY WE ARE GETTING FIVE FANTASTIC BEASTS MOVIES. ONE FOR EACH DELAYED YEAR.

Harry is always dramatic. It’s hilariously heartbreaking.

Harry and Hermione is a beautiful love. But Ron is just as important, damn it.

This is such a brilliant scene (I wish it wouyld have been included in the movies) because not only it defines them as individuals, but it also defines their relationship. The Golden Trio isn’t a trio because they’re alike, but because they complete each other. 

Wizard wands are like men’s penises, CONFIRMED

Beautiful and heartbreaking tbh

This was very interesting to me, because it was not included in the movies, and I forgot it. This choice that Harry had, Horcruxes or Hallows, it wasn’t presented like this. Neither was the fact that he did, eventually, mastered all the Hallows.

The thing is, Harry and Voldermort were similar, in some ways. And after they got inside each other’s heads, and got to know each other. I think that’s the only reason Harry was able to defeat Voldermort in the end. Harry understood him, but Voldermort didn’t understand Harry.

Teddy is a metamorphmagus. That’s gotta be fun.

Very straight, Harry.

Did Grindewald actually care for Albus Dumbledore? Or was he only interested in the obscurus? I really wanna know.

Neville never lost his faith, god bless.

Neville was brilliant, really. Everyone, including Harry, underestimated him.

Neville, Luna and Ginny were all raised in wizarding households. It’s nice to know that graffiti isn’t just a muggle thing.

I honestly believe that Voldermort would have been defeated with Neville as the Chosen One. It would have gone very differently, but the wizarding world would have been saved nontheless.

He didn’t even hesitate in using an Unforgivable, because it was McGonagall. 

HIlarious. Snape, you’re hilariously dramatic.

In the movies, it was just the Order, NOT THE ENTIRE SCHOOL. And Pansy was a dumbass bitch, yes, but she was terryfied. I reckon all the Slytherins were terryfied.

No it wasn’t. Damn it.

Harry, ever the third wheel. Amazing.

Fred’s last words this is so not fine

I think this explains their “post-war relationship” pretty beautifully

First of all, Sev. Second of all, she started pushing him away because he started hanging with Death Eaters.

MY GOD HOW MUCH DOES THIS HURT? LIKE A WHOLE LOT FUCKITYFUCK

The fact that Harry defeated Voldermort with Draco’s wand. That feels important to me. 

Luna is a gift.

That, Harry, is the biggest understatement ever.

19 years later, and Harry is still checking Draco out.

I CAN’T GIVE A PROFESSOR LOVE

I have a feeling Ron is a great, fun dad.

YOU HAVE MADE IT THIS FAR, YOU’RE AMAZING          SO HERE, HAVE A COUPLE OF BONUSES                   FROM THE CURSED CHILD

THEY JUST MET and they’re already flustered good god

Honestly, that’s a great way to distract someone from difficult emotional issues.

If that isn’t the gayest thing I ever read... (well there was Ronan Lynch with the lamp, but anyway)

Dumbledore owning Harry’s dumbass even after his death.

WHAT EVEN IS THIS NONSENSE oh wait it’s a fucking Flashpoint

It’s really not, tho.

. . . It’s like they took everything the fans have ever wanted, and put it in this play. 

YOU READ THIS FAR OH MY LORD YOU’RE AWESOME        HERE HAVE A MINIBONUS FROM              FANTASTIC BEASTS AND WHERE TO FIND THEM,                      BY NEWT SCAMANDER (HARRY’S EDITION)

Never tickle a sleeping dragon.

This explains a lot, actually.

Schoolwork, in a nutshell

We musn’t forget that throughout this, they were children.

[keepyourpantsongohan]

Ayesha Liveblogs Your Lie in April

This episode has been going on for 4 minutes and there’s already a young boy lying in a pool of blood what a strange beginning to this peppy shoujo anime

“What if you cut one of your fingers open?” said Tsubaki, after trying to leave him in a pool of his own blood

“Just get married already!” I like Watari 

Quit being dramatic Kousei your eyes aren’t that dark they’re blue 

Oh no they’re fourteen I’m not prepared for 14 year old romance

I relate a lot to Kousei in that I also lurk around to school listening to Japanese theme songs 

“Take away the piano and there’s nothing” damn Kousei your life got tragic real quick there’s like four levels of tragedy in that one hobby

Back where I’m from leaving a pair of shoes at a height is a sign of a drug deal spot lmao 

Poor Kousei he keeps being referred to as “Friend A”

I really don’t know enough about violin to understand what these reactions are for everything sounds the same to me

“She’s dragged Beethoven into a back alley brawl” I love Kaori 

Kousei is so dramatic his vision keeps zooming in on Kaori in slow motion and he takes like three years for one compliment

“Hearing you talk I get why the girls throw themselves at you” that’s gay Kousei 

What a good friend covering for Watari’s slutty ass lmao 

“Is photography a hobby of yours?” “No, I’m just a fan of dessert” me too Kaori

Is Kousei declaring that he has situational deafness because that’s somewhere between awful and hilarious 

“This feeling I have, I think it’s what some people call yearning” this dramatic ass fourteen year old dealing with his first crush good lord 

This music-score-spamming is the kind of peer pressure I approve of

“Is that okay? Forcing him to help?” Kaori has mid-scheme regrets 

Tsubaki is the friend we all need tbh looking out for her depressed homie

Uh-oh seems like Kaori might also have a tragic backstory isn’t Kousei’s life sad enough 

“I was put on this earth to play music, and so were you” Kaori <3

These four are so ride or die that they’ve literally ditched school and stolen bikes to ride across town together it’s great

“It’s not like she plays like a crazy person” what a gal lmao 

Kousei’s situational deafness has escalated to situational blindness what kind of whole ass trauma 

I guess Kousei’s mom wasn’t always beating him while he played?

“It’s like I’m watching a fist fight” I love these violent musical metaphors 

I’m feeling like Kaori is definitely going to pull A Walk to Remember and have a secret disease

Watari is such a trash boy calling Keiko immediately after visiting Kaori at the hospital who’s he tryna date exactly

“Why isn’t my heart doing backflips?” bc ur already in love with a neurotic mess

Should a girl who just left the hospital really be jumping off of bridges 

It’s sort of inconsiderate for Kousei to play music so loudly at night 

I’m loving all these sharing clothes tropes that are happening with Kousei and Kaori it’s cute

“You wanna be boyfriend and girlfriend?” I feel like that’s a bad choice Tsubaki 

“I’ll lead us to our Watarirific destiny” Watari is an embarrassment to society and I adore him 

Lmao @ Tsubaki going out on a date just to talk about Kousei 

I love that Kousei tracked down his idiot friend with a bag of ice in his hands

“You’re everything a team captain should be” that’s gay Kousei

These kids are having a rough time of it with their lost tournaments and psychotic breaks 

How often does Kousei go to the nurse’s office exactly 

I don’t think I’ve actually watched a show where someone has been abused by their family (unless you count Itachi but that’s a whole different conversation) and I don’t like it 

They’re so cute holding hands in the park

“It means that you’re gonna shine like a star up there” she loves him

What angry loyal friends my beautiful sports-music mashup squad

“You were great out there” Takeshi is so easily swayed by compliments 

“What a cutie” “Yeah? Let me see” that’s gay Kaori 

Everyone wants to be Kousei’s rival and also to marry him probably 

Update from five minutes later: I was more correct than I thought 

This show has used my favourite trope twice in a row:

Person 1: YOU’RE MY RIVAL

Person 2: What? 

“We women can be such combative creatures. Do forgive me, boy” I love Ochiai

Damn Emi went so hard she changed the colour scheme of this anime 

Takeshi thrives on drama he really wanted to hear Emi to confess her love

I knew Kaori would be sick goddamn this heavy-handed foreshadowing

“You’re like the clumsiest kid I know” Kousei’s childhood was depressing as fuck 

“I’m gonna play so well while my mom is watching that she’s going to feel all the way better” fuck this is messed up poor Kousei

I really am not a fan of this episode at all how long are we gonna watch him suffer 

The whole audience is getting a front row seat to Kousei’s crush lol

“That’s a tough life for a kid” well I guess that was before Kousei’s mom was an abusive sack of shit 

“What I’m feeling is gratitude” he said, after privately declaring his love to Kaori for like ten solid minutes 

Takeshi’s feelings for Kousei are almost as powerful as his hair

“She looks so dellicate. Like she’d crumble to dust if I touched her” why do all teenage boys describe girls as if they’re souffles 

Hiroko is the mom that Kousei needs also where the fuck was she when her friend was beating the crap out of her kid

Does Kousei ever go to class because I don’t think I’ve ever seen him go

“Do you think she’ll forgive me for that?” YOU DO NOT NEED HER TO FORGIVE YOU KOUSEI! SHE! BEAT! YOU!

I take it back Kaori’s parents are the parents that Kousei needs 

Is the sandy-haired broody girl supposed to be Tsubaki’s friend because I’ve already forgotten her if so

Why is your mouth open underwater Kousei you dramatic fuck that cannot be safe 

I’m guessing Kaori is somewhere dying I don’t need this man 

Kousei’s rendition of Idiot Husband may have been the cutest thing I’ve seen in recent history

The captions say “that son of ours” so what I’m gathering is that Saki and Hiroko were lesbian lovers and that’s why Kousei’s dad is never around

“Will you ever be able to find happiness?” well you certainly didn’t help Saki

I’m just imagining that all the other performers are watching this uncomfortable sobbing mess in silence 

Poor Kousei, Kaori is gonna fuck him right up with her lying illness

“Milk-favoured like always?” I can personally attest that ice milk is disgusting

I aspire to Tsubaki’s level of running away from my feelings tbh 

“When you’re with me, you always seem like you’d rather be somewhere else” Saito is the only man on earth to ever realize that he’s made a woman uncomfortable

“If you don’t care if I’m with you or not, then I’ll just say” Kousei <3

I hate watching these scenes even though props to them for realistic chronic illness scenes 

“It should’ve be Watari here not me” you could not be more ignorant to Kaori’s feelings Kousei

Lmao @ at this cycle of one-sided obsession with your piano rivals 

“A worthy sacrifice for one who truly deserves it” what a weird sibling relationship 

“Wanna kill yourself with me?” calm down Kaori jesus christ 

Tsubaki u should not be making ur academic decisions based on a boy

“You’re being a dick” that’s the first time I’ve ever heard someone call someone else a dick in an anime and I loved it 

Are all pianists this dramatic or just the ones in Kousei’s immediate circle?

I love what a good friend Watari is it’s adorable 

“You’re a walking hard-on” is what the captions described Tsubaki calling Watari and I’m hella disappointed that didn’t make it into the dub

Nagi and Kousei are surprisingly close in age I thought it’d be a two year gap at least

I wonder how Takeshi will feel about his little sister performing with his rival and crush 

“Thanks to him I’m way more experienced than I used to be” fkjghkfdjhgfkdj I’m dying at these stupid innuendos 

“I can’t believe you have his phone number!” I can’t believe Miike has a little gay crush on Kousei truly everyone on this show is in love with him 

Kousei yelling at his rivals about how great egg sandwiches are is adorable 

“I only reached the top of the hill because of you” Takeshi is so gay 

Tsubaki is hardcore relatable I too wish to accompany my romantic confessions by kicking people in the shin

Fuck Kousei’s having a rough day he finally acknowledged his feelings out loud and had to watch Kaori have a seizure and then see an animal die

At this point I just want Kaori to get to eat her canelés

Damn how many times will Kousei have a breakdown on stage lmao 

Oh no Kousei is mourning Kaori he can feel her dying 

Oh my god Kaori was in love with Kousei this whole time what the fuck

“After all that lie brought us together” what an involved lie Kaori yikes u fucked Watari up also good thing he’s so well-adjusted

That was adorable and heart-breaking and I’m mad what kind of fucking ending was that