#I am fighting a losing battle against my drafts

[jackobbit]

Came back to this Magma pic of Sunspot to clear it out of my drafts just to open it and see that I captioned it with just the word ‘shart.’

Nothing else, no commentary on the picture, no thought process behind it or anything clever, just:

Shart.

So you know what? I’m gonna let it stay lmao

Sunspot belongs to @/venomous-qwille, and is a character from the Ghost in the Machine Au, which you can read the fanfic of: here!

[ID: A full body Magma drawing of Sunspot from the Ghost in the Machine Au sitting on the floor with crossed legs. Sunspot is a sun varient that takes the form of an android. He has curly pink hair, a large red jesters ruff around his neck, a pink shirt with a cat on the front, grey jeans, sun-rays that surround his head in a band, blue eyes, and red tennis shoes. Sunspot looks off to the side, sweat rolling down his face, his lips are pulled into a thin line. In his right hand, he holds four playing cards, two UNO cards, and two Yu-Gi-Oh cards. His left hand is placed on his knee. The background is white, with only a few light gray lines indicating where the floor is. /End ID]

[fandaniel]

okkk posting a draft of cherry and fandaniel thing. its not nsfw but like. leading to it. its a scene before sex probably. ive posted a few things from it already.

He prodded at the roasted beef on the plate with his fork, the flesh was overly tender, falling apart at the softest press of his fork. There was an unfamiliar hunger growing in the pit of his stomach that felt misplaced. Things once dead shouldn’t be so tempting.

“I spent the day preparing it for us,” Fandaniel gave him a knowing look across the table, as if tempting him with his eyes. “Please, don’t hurt my feelings by not giving it a honest try. You might come to like it, my dear.”

Cherry gave him a glare for a moment, before straightening his back, he wasn’t here to pick a fight when there was information he could gain, and so much to lose if he didn’t play politics with this ascian. Clearing his throat, “I don’t eat meat is all, sorry to offend.” He twirled the goblet of wine the host across from him had poured for him, fainting interest in the alcohol. “Is this imported?” There was a role to be played before he could pry on intent.

There was a small bit of sourness on the hosts face as he leaned into the velvet backing of the chair, a theatrical sigh left his mouth, all the time with the dramatics. He was the worst ascian Cherry had the displeasure of talking to, nothing seemed genuine, it was hard to tell where he began and where he ended with his acting. “I am a terrible host for not asking a preference for dinner, but it was so hard to get you alone, completely alone.” His voice lowered to a sonorous tone. “Grateful though, the savior of humanity, the hero of this tale, could indulge me with a night. I will hold this memory dearly.”

“Mhm,” Cherry mumbled during a cursory sip after inspecting the wine for any poisons or other methods of foul play. “Why did you invite this get together, again?”

That seemed to spark his interest as he leaned forward and rested his arms on the wood table. “We both want something with this arrangement, Warrior of Light. You want, no, need to know more about me, isn’t that correct? To get an idea of how to stop me?” He smiled like a fox with a rabbit in his teeth. “You were special to a man I share the memories of. Disgustingly special. You don’t remember him, but I remember you, of all your qualities and accomplishments.” Something was mixed in his words there, something bitter, despite the praise. His eyes briefly flickered downwards. “Surely, you want to know more, your mind is magnificently curious, it is simple to see.”

For what little he knew of Fandaniel, this was off kilter for his tightly knitted mask of personality, causing Cherry to stare at him temporarily, scrutinizing every detail. “You seem genuine.” “Oh, you hurt my heart with your words! I have only been genuine.” “Liar.”

There was a pause in Fandaniel’s wit as he let out a cold chuckle, “I am reaching my hand out, Warrior of Light, can’t you see it in your heart to catch me and embrace me?”

That feeling in the pit of his stomach again stirred, Cherry reached for his glass of wine to find it empty, must’ve finished it without thinking. The gnawing sensation that he was going to do something uncharacteristic of a heroic man, to behave on self interest, something he had tried to work out of him over the years.

“At least tell more information than that, I’m not rejecting anything. It’s unfair for you to say such things without explaining.” Not that you have ever explained yourself in a manner that is rational. Cherry reached for the wine bottle in the center, only to be met with Fandaniel’s hand meeting his own.

“No need to drink so hurriedly.” His hand was soft against Cherry’s scarred and battle worn hands, his voice was more off putting to him than usual, it was all too soft. “I want you to remember as well, all the details.” Fingers interlocking each other. “His name was Hermes. You would have liked him, I believe. But he was a dour man, despite living in paradise, but he had you, well, a unsundered you, at his side to ease his disposition.”

He was too fascinated at his tale to take care of their hands interlocking, or that his heart seemed to pick up speed, to pick at his hosts brain was of the most importance. I have heard from other ascians’ something of my soul being familiar. Confirms my suspicions. “Why would you hate living in something you’ve described as a paradise?” “To everyone else, but everyone is blind to truth, suffering, that the only way to remove pain is to remove it at the start.” Fascinating.

“I’ve come to my conclusion.” He chimed in, reassuring his self appointed truth, in that there was no changing.

“I didn’t think I had any foothold to change your mind on the matter so easily.” And Cherry was not a fool to mistake a crack in the door as an opening. “And that, my darling, is why I’ve always liked you so much.” Fandaniel cooed, rubbing his thumb against the back of Cherry’s hand, paying attention to running over healed scars.

“I think I’ve given you a good taste, something to ease some of your endless hunger of knowledge.” Fandaniel lifted Cherry’s hand to hover over his lips with an impish expression. “While I don’t feel a connection to that man, I do feel something special with you, and I know you feel a draw between us. If there was someone I would want to experience pleasure with before ending the world, it would be you.”

A hero shouldn’t act in such a manner, so many of those look at me for guidance in this world, but I never agreed to be looked towards for morals or to be an idealistic person to be. Yet, the hunger he spoke of was identical.

“Don’t muddy my feelings with talking about the world ending.” “My apologies, my prince. I wanted to make my vision clear, a night of pleasure for us both, and then we continue on our paths.”

Fandaniel kissed the knuckle of Cherry’s hand, gesturing for forgiveness. He needed to decide, quickly, either to run away with the information he has gained or to confront his own feelings of neediness. Just a taste. “Then, it’s agreed upon.” Impassively speaking, as if it was business as usual.

[ambrossart]

I’ve worked out a new writing schedule

After a little talk with my husband, we have finally come to a mutual agreement and understanding. On weeknights, I get two hours of uninterrupted writing time and, unless we’ve already made alternative plans, weekend mornings/afternoons are reserved solely for writing. We even went out and bought a little sign for my door so that he knows I’m busy. 😂

Honestly, it’s been a bit of a struggle getting my husband to understand my need for privacy while writing. In the past, he would pop in every fifteen minutes to hang out and see what I’m up to, and that was so disruptive to my writing process. My husband didn't get that. I still don’t think he fully “gets” it, but he’s gonna try his best to be more respectful, which all I can ask for.

With that being said, the new chapter of Paper Men is coming along. I’m not as far along as I would like, but I am putting words on the page. Right now, I’m fighting a losing battle against anxiety and perfectionism, so I’m offering myself a compromise/challenge: I will give myself until Wednesday and whatever I have, regardless of the length, regardless of the quality, is getting published. It may be short. It may be boring. Hell, it may be absolute GARBAGE and not even make the final cut. But it’s gonna get published here, as is.

Oh my god, just thinking about that scares the crap out of me. Like, it’s actually making me physically ill. But I wanna do it. I desperately want to get out of this toxic mindset that every draft needs to be as polished and perfect as the final draft. It’s a major hindrance to my writing. How can I expect to move forward when I’m constantly going backwards?

So far, nothing has helped me break free of this. I’ve tried special drafting devices that discourage editing. I’ve tried apps. I’ve tried scheduled writing sprints. Nothing has worked.

So maybe this is the solution. Maybe I need to force myself out of my comfort zone and let people read a truly rough draft.

We’ll give it a shot and see what happens.

[thunderin-brainstorm]

Oh I’m SUPER curious now. What would RB’s actual quotes be for the battle stuff that goes on in Legends Arceus? Things like their quotes for how they’d react to seeing an Alpha for the first time, getting hit by a wild Pokémon’s attack, fall damage, being spotted while sneaking up on a mon, low HP, battling a Noble Mon and stuff like that!

ooo you mean like if she had NPC stock dialogue type of quotes? 🤔hmm. honestly the lack of general dialogue options for the player character in PLA kind of makes this easier, but the way i took the story and developed it far beyond the simplified game plot makes it a bit harder lol. actually let me just lift a few bits from what i've drafted already!

her first time seeing an Alpha (or at least the first time she knows it's an Alpha) is actually when helping out Mai with the Kricketune. she's not paying attention to the explanation of Alphas so much as she's just staring at it like :/ "i don't mind bugs, i even like them, but this one is as tall as i am and i don't know how to feel about it"

getting hit by an attack is just a lot of cursing tbh. the first time a Zubat nips her she just starts praying that Poké-rabies doesn't exist please please please plea-- but honestly she starts giving back as good as she gets? she throws rocks at territorial Buizel that try hosing her from a distance, she dropkicks Paras before sprinting away, she gets very good ducking away from diving Staraptors and tossing one of her partners to nail them in the back. after months of being constantly annoyed by Drifloon pursuing her whenever she sets foot outside after sunset, she actually spins around and grabs one dogging her footsteps and literally POPS it with her bare hands! it's this kind of irritated pushback at local wildlife that earns her a dangerous reputation in Jubilife

her reactions to the Nobles vary wildly. battling Kleavor is mostly just. sad. this is an old creature being pushed to his limit by an outside force and she pities him despite the fact he's already managed to cut open her shoulder. Lilligant is more of a whirlwind she doesn't have time to think coherent thoughts about when she's just trying not to get hit, trying to breathe through the smoke, trying not to twist her ankle again, trying not to slip in the mud-- ouch being tackled by a plant ballerina SUCKS. dealing with Arcanine is... terrifying. RB isn't in there alone at least, she's got Iscan backing her up, but that's one more person to worry about and the active lava should be boiling them alive and it's raining so she can barely see through the steam and oh my god i'm going to die. Electrode is the worst one by far, being so fast and so dangerous and probably the most stressful event she's ever had to survive. with Avalugg by comparison she's almost willing to die, simply because the Noble is so huge that she feels like she's trying to fight a force of nature and honestly if she fails she's not going to blame herself for losing against a mountain.

sorry i don't have any specific dialogue, i've drafted 150k words worth of outline but haven't actually gotten to the prose part yet!

[theofficefantasyfootball]

WEEK 13 - Wrap Up

ONE MORE WEEK!!!!

Guys. We have arrived. We are now entering the final week of the regular season and because we have arrived at this place there really is no reason for me to recap each game. It's better for me to just outline who has a chance going into next week and who needs to start working on their strategy for the 2023 season.

Also, in speaking with Brett Rutledge yesterday - I came to find out that he had no idea why we have two divisions and how they were determined...so here is a little history lesson for you. In the early years, we were Little Rock vs Nashville...but after a few years the Little Rock guys got tired of losing and bailed. We retained Kyle Allmendinger from the LR gang, but moved to Musicians vs 9 to 5 divisions...but after Bebo stopped doing music we were a bit off on the numbers so we flipped it to Odd and Even divisions. These are determined each year by your place in the draft order...so if you are 2, 4, 6, 7, 10, 12 spot you are in the Even Division...if you drafted 1, 3, 5, 7, 9, 11 - you are in the Odd Division. Having two divisions sets it up more like the way the NFL does it...but as a commissioner I am always open to a discussion about having no divisions and just making it the top 6. Personally I like it...but this year it may bite me in the ass too as I would probably be in the top 6 but might not make the top 3 in my division! That's all for the history lesson - now here's where we all stand!

EVEN DIVISION

This one is tough. The only thing I know for sure is that Gabe is out. He can't get in with his record (even after beating Gullahorn this week) and with his points at 1203.30 - that just won't make the cut in the Even Division. Also, Stu is the only guy in this division at 8-5 but he play's Gullahorn who is 7-6. Stu has a 23.92 lead over Gully...so if Stu beats Gully he has the 1st round bye...if Gully beats Stu but not more than 23.92 then Stu still wins the bye. But, if Stu loses...and I beat Funk Guy - then Gully, Jones and Breen will all be at 8-6 and whoever has the most points will be 1st, whoever has the 2nd most points will be second and then for 3rd - that remaining person will then also be up against Lanakila on points (by the way Lanakila is currently out scoring both Gully and Breen). And then there's Dana...who came into tonight - down about 17 with Evans and Olave still to play. He lost and so he moves to 6-7...so if he beats me next week - and moves to 7-7 then he will still be in a points race and where he sits now - it just doesn't seem possible. So, my prediction is Stu, Gully, Breen and Cliff will be battling for the 3 playoff spots.

ODD DIVISION

Yes...there is a lot of Math this week - hence the gif from the "mathletes in meangirls". And just like in the Even Division we have a close run for the Bye week. Scott Krippayne is 8-5 and has the most points (as i write this close to 1600 points)...but he is tied in record with Backdoor Bandits....and guess who play each other in week 14...yep, the Bandits and the Huggers...so whoever wins this game gets the bye week. But, if Scott wins and Kyle loses but Howard beats Trade with Me...then Howard can grab second putting Kyle in the 3rd place scenario of who has the most points in the division and right now the Moose would beat out Kyle in that scenario. So what do we know for sure...Brett and Bebo are both out of the playoffs (pending them not scoring 200 points in week 14). Brett just doesn't have the record or the points...and Bebo, who I gotta say most of the season looked like the guy to beat....even if he wins he goes into the 3rd place scenarios and he just doesn't have the numbers to catch guys like Howard and Moose. So, I feel pretty confident Scott, Kyle, Howard and Moose are fighting for the top 3 in the Odd division.

It's anyones game guys! A lot of money on the line in week 14.

Speaking on money - our high point winner this week is Lanakila - Cliff Young with 121.52 ($20)...Good Job Cliff.

CHEERLEADER OF THE WEEK

Lacy Thibodeaux, former Raiders Cheerleader who sued the NFL after realizing that her employment contract robbed her of wages...so we gotta give it to her because she volunteered to be a cheerleader and sued them cause...well, no money!! Gotta Love It!

[milkytheholy1]

Everything Ends: Part 8

A/N: OKAY I finally got it to work, it took many drafts, many restarts and way more patience than I have but hopefully if you're seeing this it means Tumblr finally let me upload the next part! Enjoy!

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2044

"Aw come on, you won't let me with you again?" Donnie whined, it wasn't something he often found himself doing, but these were different circumstances. Leo heaved a hefty rucksack over his shoulder, the metal of the arm easily taking the brunt weight. 

The leader in blue sighed, pinching the skin between his eyes, "I've already told you, D. We need you to stay here and protect the base, watch over the injured and make more tech. I know you want to fight but you're too important to our cause."

"But I can help, even remotely! Shelldon V.27 would be a simple addition to your pla-" 

"Donnie." Leo called out, cutting the soft-shell turtle off. His thick stare halted Donnie, he knew the glance, knew the body language well enough; he wasn't going anywhere. Donnie released a sigh, slumping back against his wheelie chair, "Fine..." he mumbled out. Leo smiled, although it didn't meet his eyes, "Thank you, I promise it'll be worth it."

"Yeah, yeah." the genius huffed, turning away from his brother to face his tattered creations. He was still trying to rework his battle shell, but with limited parts, the dream was useless, "Just don't lose another arm, I don't have enough parts to build you another one."

"Gee, thanks, Don." Leo laughed out, walking to the entrance of the room. He turned his head to face his brother, even if he could only see his cloaked shell, "Don't do anything stupid until I get back."

"How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you." he mindlessly finished the quote, a small smile hidden in the shadows. The moment Leo left the room, Donnie cast a sneaky glance over his shoulder to check the coast was clear before he sprung from his seat and frolicked around his minimal lab. 

"Oh to be free once more, I am but a prince trapped in a tower waiting for someone to come and rescue me!" he moaned out, leaning against his desk with a hand to his forehead; he was always one for dramatics. 

His whimsical dreams soon took a turn for the worst, however.

A blaring red light painted the walls of his modest lab, a small beeping sound came from his cracked laptop while loud explosions could be heard in the distance. Donnie's eyes widened, he quickly found himself flipping over the table to keep track of what was happening. 

"Noooo, no, no, no, no, no!" he gargled out unexpectedly, one by one the cameras he had littered around their base were failing, tuning to static. The sounds were getting louder and louder, the ground and walls would shake with each hit. Something was coming and it wasn't going to be pretty. 

Donnie lept from his chair to a small draw on the opposite end of the room, within said draw was a short metal stump but when pressed extended into his glorious tech bo. Over the years the tech-wiz had time to perfect his craft, even coming up with his own logo which he branded on everything.

"Gah, my battle shell!" he cried out, feeling the ground moving below him. But before he could make it to his one form of protection, an explosion blew the wall against him, wrapping him in concrete and metal piping. Once the dust faded, all Donnie could hear was laughter and screams.

The base had been infiltrated, massacred, demolished. Luckily most members of the resistance were with Leo, only the injured and weak were left behind. Before Donnie could sit on the thought that he was left behind because he was weak, a large hand grasped him and heaved him from the wreckage.

"Ahahaa, well if it isn't the purple one." the Kraang sister cackled, Donnie struggled in her grasp, feeling her grip tightening the more he winced in pain. She drew him closer to her face, letting him see the grotesque saliva that coated her teeth, "Where are your pathetic brothers and other freedom fighters? I was hoping to crush the resistance all in one go!"

"Naaagh, well sorry to disappoint, but it's just me." Donatello gritted out through clenched teeth. He wriggled to press a button on his beaten-up tech brace, hearing a small 'beep' sound come from it. Out from the minimalistic wardrobe to their right shot out four metal tentacles which slammed into the Kraang sister, knocking her back a few paces.

Donnie was dropped to the ground, landing on his soft shell, knocking the wind from under him. No matter the amount of pain he was in, he knew he had to get up and call for help, call for Leo. While distracted by his inventions, the Kraang sister shook and growled out as she tried to fight off the scrap metal clawing at her face.

Donnie continued to press buttons on his tech brace, giving a brief "Haha" when all his tech surrounded him like that one scene in Iron Man 3, a small comfort of his when the world wasn't in complete chaos. His bo staff landed in his looming hand, he was smug, maybe it was fake confidence.

With an outstretched arm, Donnie pointed at the Kraang sister on the opposite end of the room, "A long time ago you said my tech couldn't protect me-"

"Huh?" the Kraang sister grumbled, snapping the metallic tentacle bot in half. Donnie released a small chuckle from his lips, his eyes in a heavy glare, "Get ready to eateth thy words!" with that he pushed the button on his tech brace and all at once his tech was sent flying towards the enemy.

Donnie watched in awe, everything he had managed to build from scratch was actually working and not turning evil for once, not that it was ever a problem before, aha.

When his tech began to dwindle, that's when Donnie called in the big guns, "Shelldon!" on the broken table behind the Kraang sister laid a small purple box with gleaming red eyes. Like a Transformer, the creature shifted metal plates and limbs until it stood tall, "At your ready, Donatello!" it cheered out.

"Go get 'em, son!" Donnie whispered, nearly tearing up at his own sentiments. Shelldon sprang onto the back of the Kraang, punching it hard with one fist while tugging on it's skin with the other, "Get off of me you pathetic creature!"

Donnie couldn't take his eyes away from the fight, either from fear or how impressed he was with little Shelldon. But when the Kraang creep grabbed him by the head, Donnie sprung into action, "Get off of my tech!" he yelled, swinging his bo staff and thwacking the Kraang in the side of the face. 

The Kraang sister almost immediately dropped Shelldon, the impact causing some parts to spring off of him; he was of course still in beta. Donnie landed back on the ground with determination in his eyes, he stumbled when he caught sight of Shelldon yet didn't show hesitation with his next actions.

He took a running start, charging at the Kraang then using his mystic abilities as best as he could to form a huge mallet. It had been a while since Donnie had been in a fight, even longer since he had to use his ninpo energy; he was a little rusty and couldn't hold it as long anymore. 

"THIS IS FOR RAPH!" he screamed out, bringing the mallet down against the Kraang...but it didn't work. Just in the second before it could penetrate alien skin, the Kraang had grabbed Donnie by the face. She flung him to the ground, not giving him an ounce of chance at standing back up. She pressed a hard foot against his plastron, pushing down until she heard a cracking sound please her ears. 

Before she could be fully satisfied with the death of another turtle scum, Shelldon bounced back and grabbed at her, yanking her in a feeble attempt to free his injured master. Donnie watched on, eyes barely open and head feeling numb. But he saw his creation, his tech...his son, fighting.

The Kraang had clearly had enough of this, only coming here for a simple mission and while the hunting and fighting were fun little games to her, she wanted to complete her mission. Grabbing Shelldon in a much similar vein to Donnie, she yanked Shelldon's head clean of his body. Circuitry and oil leaked out of the joints, the body going rigid in her hands. She dropped it to the ground with a rather loud 'clank' and then set her beady eyes back onto Donatello.

"Now, where were we?"

Leo sat with his arms wrapped around his torso, near enough shaking at the horrific retellings of his brothers' passings. Casey was still a grave distance away from him, equally just as distraught, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything."

"No," Leo spoke out, voice quivering, "Y-you did the right thing, I need to know- I want to know. Please, continue." Casey gave Leo a side-eye, unsure whether this was healthy or not, but nevertheless, he continued like clockwork.

"Michelangelo was a skilled and talented sorcerer, he could use the mystic arts like no other being. He fought all around the world, through space and time. Sadly, the greatest thing he could do, the thing that helps people, would weaken him with each use. The more he used his power, the more it drained him, made him old."

Casey released a meek chuckle, "The dude looked 80 instead of someone in their late 30s." Leo wanted to laugh, wanted to lift the heavy atmosphere that settled around the duo, but he just couldn't; not with this topic.

"I'll take everything I have." Mikey's voice drowned Casey's head, causing the boy to whimper.

"He helped me get here, he sacrificed himself to save the future. Just like Master Leonardo, and I can't fail him, fail both of them." Casey flicked his head to the ground, his voice fading out. He knew he had already failed them though, he's been having to carry this fear with him everywhere he went and now finally it had happened.

The Kraang were invading, the world was coming to an end, and he couldn't do anything to stop it. Casey looked towards Leo again, he felt anger; why couldn't this be his master? The one he had grown up with his entire life? Instead, he gets this guy who's clearly in the funk and refusing to see what really matters; his family.

"I wish (Y/N) were here, they'd get you to snap out of it." Casey mumbled under bated breath, thinking it was out of earshot. But Leo's head flicked up, eyes widening, "Look, I know I'm not the Leo you knew in the future, and maybe I never will be." he began.

He started his slow ascend to help Casey pull the rocks away, though the teen still refused to give him eye contact. But Leo continued, he was going to make this right, "This whole time I was sure my family needed me, but the truth is I need them." A bright light blasted through the darkness, incasing both their faces with warmth. Casey and Leo began to dig quicker, but it still wasn't enough. 

Leo placed a hand on Casey's arm, stopping him as he gave him a hopeful smile and apologetic eyes, "If we're gonna survive this, we have to do it together." he finished. Future boy nodded back, silently agreeing with a smile of his own and a sniff of his nose. On three the two began working together, pulling the rocks back with more force until the hole crumbled and the duo were free.

Casey slapped a hand on Leo's shell, congratulating him, "I knew you could do it." Leo nudged Casey's shoulder with his own, "I just needed someone to knock some sense into me, thank you."

Casey went quiet for a moment, looking away, "I, erm, sorry about what I said back there. I was just angry and scared, I shouldn't have brought that stuff up."

"Hey," Leo pleaded, forcing Casey to look at him, offering the teen a warm smile, "Don't feel bad, I needed to hear it. And I promise the future won't end up like that, scout's honour!" he crossed his fingers along his chest, right where his heart would be.

Before Leo could walk off Casey stopped him, a hand outstretched, "I- I didn't-" he stuttered, feeling his eyes blur, "I didn't tell you about (Y/N)." Leo's expression hardened for only a second, his smooth grin forming back on his lips, "Don't bother, it's never gonna happen. Not on my watch.

"No offence, but with your current track record, that doesn't give me much hope."

Leo laughed a little, lolling his head back while he pulled out his katana, "Sometimes hope is the only thing we have." The duo walked along the railways, finally spotting an entrance.

[lorenfangor]

I have noticed that you listed Elfangor going nothlit for Loren as one of the best OTP moments of the TAC (which I agree on). Since you are a Tolkien scholar, I'm curious yo hear whether you think that moment could be a parallel of Arwen giving up immortality to be with Aragorn. What do you think?

Short answer: actually, I think the story of Beren and Lúthien has a bit more relevance here, but you're very much on the right track

Long answer: let's talk about Tolkien, Applegate, fate, and mortality, and I'm very sorry because I'm not actually sure this makes sense now I'm done.

It's perhaps a bit of a stretch to say that the Legendarium (the collective name for The Lord of the Rings + The Silmarillion + the 12-volume History of Middle-Earth draft collection + the three Great Tales (The Children of Húrin, Beren and Lúthien, The Fall of Gondolin) + Unfinished Tales + The Nature of Middle-Earth) has a consistent theme regarding fate and love and change-as-expression-of-love, but there are four notable cases that come to mind of characters making life-altering decisions that forever change the course of their existences solely for the sake of love. Arwen, as you noted, is I think the most famous in the general public awareness, because of how front-and-center her subplot is in the Jackson films, but she's not the only one.

(this is a long post, I'm very sorry to anyone on mobile - I am including a cut and tagging as best I can.)

Before Arwen, there was Lúthien, who does get a brief shoutout in the Jackson movies but is a much more prominent legendary figure in the LotR books. Her story is actually where my mind goes before I think of Aragorn and Arwen, largely because Beren her husband and Elfangor have a significant amount in common. (Yes, if you're curious, that's probably where 'Berenson' came from, though it is also a real surname)

So what's the deal with Beren and Lúthien? In an extremely truncated summary:

Beren son of Barahir of the House of Bëor is a young man when his homeland of Dorthonion is impacted by what would later be called the Battle of Sudden Flame, which was a devastating surprise attack by the Dark Lord Morgoth. Morgoth had been besieged successfully by an ethnic group of elves called the Noldor, but he broke that leaguer and set everything on fire, including farmland and forest. His armies were too great to be fought effectively everywhere, and the humans who lived in Dorthonion were overrun.

Beren's mom Emeldir evacuated the civilian population into the fiefdom of another human House (the House of Hador), but Beren and his dad Barahir stayed behind with all the men who could fight to mount a guerilla resistance and protect the people who refused to leave. They were so good at this that Morgoth sent his lieutenant Sauron to stop them, and while Beren was away, his dad and all his allies and friends were slaughtered. He tried to hold on and keep fighting, but Sauron wouldn't stop hunting him, so he escaped Dorthonion by going over the mountains to the south and coming out finally into the realm of Doriath. Doriath was protected by the magic of a shadow goddess named Melian, who was married to Thingol, the king of another ethnic group of elves called the Sindar. Melian and Thingol have a daughter, Lúthien, who Beren meets when he wanders into her path while he's lost in the woods.

Beren and Lúthien fall deeply in love, but Thingol won't allow them to marry because he's prejudiced against humans, so he sets an impossible task as his condition for giving his blessing - he wants Beren to bring him a jewel from Morgoth's crown. Morgoth has not truly left Angband in centuries, preferring to send lieutenants and armies out instead - this is a difficult task. Beren agrees, and then Lúthien follows him against her parents' wishes. The pair of them have a lot of dangerous adventures, but ultimately succeed, even though this quest causes Beren to lose first his hand and then his life. Lúthien, distraught and furious, goes to the god of death and demands he give her back her man because it's unfair, and manages to convince him through an Orpheus-style sad girl anthem to give love a chance. They're allowed another try at life, on the condition that Lúthien abandon her inhuman ancestry and live as a mortal woman; they marry, run off to the woods, have a son, and presumably grow old together and die, having the closest thing anyone in the First Age does to a happy ending.

The reason I say Elfangor reminds me more of this story is because while Aragorn and Arwen definitely have a romance marked and shaped by war, it's Beren and Lúthien who meet unexpectedly in the midst of it, and who have adventures together that challenge evil on a cosmic, universe-changing level. Beren, like Elfangor, is running from war and trauma that has robbed him of a normal life and a normal relationship with his family; Lúthien, like Elfangor, is determined to succeed, is good at fighting bad guys, and has a knack for saving her lover from being captured. There's even an element of 'morphing' and shape-changing in their story - Lúthien uses magic to disguise herself and Beren as a vampire and a werewolf respectively when they sneak into Morgoth's fortress.

Of course, unlike Aragorn and Arwen and Beren and Lúthien, Elfangor and Loren don't get a happy ending. Elfangor has to choose between the woman he loves and the safety of his people - he's forced by circumstances beyond his control to go to war in the name of defending the world as he knows it against a dark and dangerous threat. Theirs is a story of tragedy, of being separated by fates that weren't ever supposed to intertwine. And this, too, has parallels in a romance from the Legendarium.

KAA has this tendency to basically use Animorphs to give tragic romances from Tolkien happy endings - Alloran is basically Húrin Thalion, right down to his wife and two children kept apart from him thanks to captivity and enslavement, and being cursed to see and hear without being able to impact what it is he bears witness too, and he gets to go home to Jahar - but Elfangor/Loren is interesting because this concept of inherent separation puts them in the same category as Andreth and Aegnor, a very minor couple from the Silmarillion.

Like Beren and Lúthien, one is an elf and one is a human, but in this case the man is the elf and the woman is mortal. Like Elfangor and Loren, they don't get to end their lives together. Aegnor breaks up with Andreth when he goes back to war, and dies in the Battle of Sudden Flame, and their fates are forever severed because they're different species. They're going to go to different afterlifes, they're not even going to get to be united in death. And this isn't something either of them wanted, and it leaves Andreth devastated, though it also gives us some of the rawest fucking lines in all of Tolkien's works about the nature of love and grief and hope.

The thing about Elfangor/Loren that's a happier improvement, honestly, is that Elfangor is an upright, morally upstanding guy who does good and earnest things, and Aegnor is a bit of a shit who dumps his long-term girlfriend without explaining himself, gives her no answers, and leaves his older brother to try and fix the mess he made at somebody else's New Year's Eve party (no, really, Andreth and her ex-brother-in-law are hanging out at a completely different guy's house and while everyone else at the party is presumably getting drunk and having a good time they're having a philosophical debate about the fundamental differences between the souls of their respective species and what it means to have hope and also how Aegnor is an immature jackass). If anything, Aegnor's negative qualities get passed on to the Ellimist, who's exactly as much of a whiny teenager as this particular elf ever was.

so the tl;dr is that yes, I think Elfangor becoming human for Loren was a parallel to elves becoming mortal for those they love, but I also kind of think there's more going on there.

[nikadoesanart]

Will Jouno assist Fukuchi?

In ch 92, Fukuchi shows Bram to Jouno (though I'd say introduce would be a better way to describe it cause Jouno's blind but minor inconsequential details) and reveals that he is the mastermind behind the Agency being framed and asks Jouno to help him. Personally, I think that Jouno is just a bit more likely to form some kind of alliance with Fukuchi but not necessarily a full-on partnership, much less to the point where it'd be considered working more with Fukuchi as Kamui of the DOA than helping Fukuchi as Fukuchi himself or as the commander of the HD.

Also, I am using @buraihatranslations translation of ch 92, so that's where my exact phrasing for quotations and page counts are coming from. You can read the full translation here.

The main context of our focus

“I’m the mastermind. Jouno, wouldn’t you like to assist me?” (p 19)

For starters, I don’t think Fukuchi is being a reckless idiot for saying this. Considering that he's literally Kamui, he obviously must’ve considered this as a calculated but worthwhile risk to take. As I’ve previously mentioned in my ch 89.5 cover art analysis, Jouno is the most on the fence of the HD in terms of supporting Fukuchi vs believing in the Agency’s innocence. In fact, as we learned in 92, he simply doesn’t care and can therefore be considered a (nearly) neutral party. Jouno is also basically a living breathing lie detector, so he can tell apart the likes of jokes and lies from the truth very easily. Jouno also cares primarily about being able to hear his victim’s suffering, regardless of who’s right or wrong or innocent or guilty (as he’s told Aya). It logically just makes the most sense for Fukuchi to try to get Jouno on his side out of all the HD because :

Teruko is a simp for Fukuchi but she still cares about civilians and being able to take pride in her job as an officer (Sky Casino)

Tachihara has already clearly established his doubts in the ADA being guilty in front of all of the HD (ch 89) and told Fukuchi that he sees himself as more Mafia than HD now (ch 89.5)

Tecchou has a very strong sense of justice and cares about fairness, so asking him to quite literally join the side of the terrorists would never work out and would essentially be a waste of both time and possibly personnel too

What does Jouno personally want?

As I've already briefly touched on (and presumably you already read ch 92 before this), Jouno has already stated his goals, which gives us a good sense of where he stands morally.

“I just want to hear the voice of someone’s suffering.” (p 9)

“To hurt people under the name of the law[,] corner them and hear their “sound” as they break.” (p 10)

Now that we’ve more than established that Jouno is in fact, a sadist, I do want to emphasize Jouno’s mention of the law. Not only does he enjoy making people suffer (specifically psychologically, as he’s mentioned before), but he specifically mentions that he wants to do it “under/in the name of the law”, meaning that he likely either only wants to do it in a “justifiable”/“excusable” way or that he doesn’t want or plan to be held accountable for his actions (or worse, both). Until we get a backstory reveal, there could be any number of reasons for him being this way. I think it’s fairly likely that he’s from a similar situation to Fukuchi (took part in the Great War, and the mental scarring of everything he experienced then caused him to find some sort of extreme and inhumane goal or enjoyment to cope with it all). So for example, he could have been drafted for the War because he’s an ability user (or maybe he already happened to be in some sort of training where he received recognition for his skills, ie. the military academy or part of a renowned dojo) and eventually that led him to become a sadist because coping mechanism or discovering that he’s a sadist because of some extreme circumstances (ie. having to interrogate a prisoner for the first time and realizing how much he enjoyed giving and hearing the psychological torture).

Example of Jouno's excuses and justification

“I was just asking suspects for cooperation!”

“Then do it after they sign the consent form for judicial transaction. Otherwise, it’s not justice.” (p 12)

On one hand, we have Jouno who is very quick to make excuses for his actions by using his position as an officer to justify his behavior. Despite knowingly and intentionally using extreme measures, beyond what's necessary for the situation, he's using the law and his job to try to justify it. (If you're seeing some real-world parallels here, good job!)

On the other hand, we have Tecchou who very clearly values actual justice that is fair to all parties (as we’ve seen previously with him promising the cafe owner that the ADA will get a fair trial at the very least in ch 72). In fact, I think it’d be safe to say that Tecchou is the one that values impartial justice and fairness the most out of the HD, but that's not the focus here.

Parallelisms and which other organizations would suit him and his goals

(p 15-16)

For starters, Jouno appears to be on the side that believes that the ADA is a part of/affiliated with the DOA (if I’m not reading this wrong)

Also, I’d like to highlight him saying:

“ ‘Our tastes match’, if I should say. The abusive nature. To be honest, I’m almost empathetic. If we happen to lose this battle, I wouldn’t mind reemploying to their side. Not to say that we wouldn’t possibly lose.”

Jouno has no doubt in the strength of the HD but also just wants to be on the abusively cruel side dishing out the suffering. If he’s able to use his position to excuse his actions (ie. what he said about Aya just a few pages ago), then that’s even better for him. The ADA has an ability permit and currently ⅓ of the police force is siding with them and believes in their innocence. Joining the ADA next, should the HD lose, would be the most advantageous for him, if the allegations of them being abusively cruel terrorists were true.

In my opinion, his actual next best organization to join, based on his interests and goals so far as well as his own methods, would be the PM. They have an ability permit too and he’d have just as many chances to be either on the front lines and/or work with the interrogation team. With what his goals has revealed about his moral code, he’s just more cut out for the nature and surface level goals of the PM than the ADA. In fact, Dazai has already admitted to the two of them being alike (which we as the readers can deduce is for their methods in manipulation and interrogation) and Dazai has previously mentioned that he’d sometimes have to come in and help Kouyou’s interrogation team with the job (ch 19). Jouno joining the PM could be a very easy transition, should he stop caring about doing things “under the name of the law” (p 10). However, there is a loophole with the PM being a part of the tripartite tactic, of which the whole goal is to protect Yokohama. Both we as the readers and the members of the ADA know that despite their methods, the PM does in fact care about upholding the overall peace and safety of Yokohama. The reason why he jokes about joining the ADA and makes no mention of the PM (at least in my opinion), is because before all of this, to the public eye, the ADA was one of the “good guys” that were upholding the law whereas the PM is quite literally the mafia. (I touch on this part too in my ch 89.5 cover art analysis.)

Back to answering Fukuchi's question now

I feel like Jouno is ever so slightly more likely to form some kind of alliance with Fukuchi as Kamui but not straight up joining the DOA/allying with the DOA as a whole because again, Jouno is very much sadistic but he also specifically tells Aya (a possible hostage and a confirmed supporter of the ADA) that he specifically wants to “to hurt people under the name of the law” (p 10). Fully siding with the DOA and Kamui would mean that he’d no longer be working under the protection of the law, by any extent, unless Fukuchi were to create some kind of excuse as the commander of the HD (ie. Jouno was under the control of the vampirism). He might work with Fukuchi but I don’t think he’d work with or for Kamui. Either way, I think that overall it’s a very close tie.

In short:

If he says yes then he’d risk not having the law to protect him any longer, which is a part of what he clearly wants to have. The only way around this is some sort of agreement where Fukuchi will create a believable excuse for Jouno helping or he does it in a very indirect way that won't be noticed by others or can easily be played off as some sort of coincidence.

If he says no, he’d likely have to go up against Fukuchi and Bram and risk getting turned as well. I doubt he’d be killed since that would raise too many questions with Tecchou and Teruko, and thanks to Tachihara’s fight, I’d say it’s all been explicitly stated that still being alive is a part of the requirements to be turned into a vampire. When Tachihara tried to off himself as a last resort, specifically to stop Fukuchi and Bram from turning him into a vampire, Fukuchi personally prevented that from happening (ch 90).

Jouno has established that he just wants to hear the sound of people suffering (which Fukuchi would probably have learned of or figured out by now, considering that he’s the commanding officer here), which can be achieved from quite literally any side. However, his condition to this is doing it "under the name of the law", so being on a side that has the law’s protection and works on the front lines is where he’d be closest to achieving this with minimal risk (so realistically the HD or ADA). I doubt Jouno would have any interest in joining the Special Division because I doubt he’d get to do much interrogating or front-line work there, in addition to him having less of an excuse for his cruel methods, and I've already gone over why he'd rather join the ADA than the PM.

[agent-cupcake]

Beastie and the Bard

Fire Emblem Three Houses - Dimitri x Reader - Chapter 9

Word Count: 11,631

I bet you thought I’d forgotten about this. Nope, not yet. I actually have a fully fleshed out framework for where this story is going with a scene by scene breakdown. You can read the previous chapters on my blog or on AO3

This chapter takes place during the first part of the month before the Battle of Garreg Mach. 

Elegiac Chorale Mortis Honore Opus 7, No. 1

There was something surreal about sitting in the classroom again, the desks arranged in their neat rows and Professor Byleth facing you all from his usual place. Not even a week had passed since your last class, since your last private conversation with Dimitri, but everything had changed. Peace, whatever dregs had been left of it after everything that had happened, was utterly destroyed. Any illusion of safety behind the old stone walls of the monastery was waved away into smoke. No more laughter, no more fun. The monastery swarmed with word of Emperor Edelgard’s treasonous claims and threats, words weaponized to spread disquiet.

It was almost a relief when Professor Byleth said it, confirming something that everybody already knew. “There is going to be a battle,” he told you all, his voice striking the silent room without any particular cadence. “Scouts report that the Imperial army led by Emperor Edelgard will be here by the end of the moon.”

By the end of the moon. You tried to calculate the days but knew that it wasn’t any more than three weeks. Less, actually.  

“So soon?” Ingrid asked, her voice breathy with the shock you felt echoed within yourself.

“This plan has been underway for longer than we could have guessed,” Professor Byleth said. He winced, an odd tick of an expression. “I’m sorry for not seeing this sooner.”

“We don’t blame you, Professor,” Annette said. “Who could have known, right? We all thought...” she trailed off, but there was no point in continuing. You had all thought, you had all been so distracted.

“We can’t let ourselves get caught up on that, Annie,” Mercedes chided.

“You’re right,” Professor Byleth said. “Now, we must prepare for what is to come. Before we begin, does anybody have any questions?”

Nobody said anything. You scanned the faces of those you could see. Dimitri and Dedue sat in front of you, giving you only a profile glimpse of drawn expressions of exhaustion. Of those sitting in your row, nerves cast a sickly pallor over Ashe’s freckled cheeks, painted shadows beneath Annette and Mercedes’ eyes. You wondered how you looked. Tired, probably. You felt as if you hadn’t slept all week.

“Right,” Professor Byleth called, folding his hands behind his back in something akin to parade rest. It was interesting how quickly he had traded a mercenary’s unrefined motions for the more commanding stances of a general. “Dimitri, have you heard any word about what’s happening in Fhirdiad? Seteth’s reports indicate that they’re hesitating in committing any troops to defend Garreg Mach.”

“My uncle is blind,” Dimitri responded with obvious distaste. “He rejects reality. Foolish man.” Although nearly everyone knew of Rufus’s incompetence, Dimitri’s genuine and open scorn for the man, his uncle, was shocking.

“According to my father,” Felix added from behind you, his tone far more measured, “there is opposition within that prevents the regent from committing any men. Not to mention, the Kingdom troops are already spread thin along the western border.”

“Um, excuse me,” Ashe said, nervously raising his hand as if this were a normal class. “There is good reason for that. Professor, may I?”

“Please,” Professor Byleth said, motioning Ashe to continue. He looked from face to face nervously, fidgeting awkwardly in his seat. You were close enough to see the red rimming his eyes, the white skin on his chapped lips. But he spoke and his voice was steady enough, his gaze even as he addressed the class.

“Lord Lonato named me as his heir,” Ashe said, “although I have not yet claimed the title, the Church has allowed me to remain informed about what is happening in his territory. I am… I’m afraid there seems to be some conflict over how the western lords intend to act. After what happened, many of them have been actively rejecting Church aid. Should this become an all-out war-”

“They intend to betray the Church,” Dimitri said, turning and narrowing his eyes at Ashe. “No—to betray their country, is that it?”

“There could be another explanation,” Ashe said.

“I’m sure there is,” Professor Byleth said, motioning to calm them. “What you’re saying is that we can’t count on the western lords for help.”

“Yes,” Ashe answered, his shoulders slumping somewhat. “I’m sorry.”

“I cannot help but wonder if that was the intention,” Dedue said.

“What do you mean?” Byleth asked.

“It is merely speculation,” Dedue began hesitantly, like he was unsure if he should be voicing his opinion. “However, it seemed strange that Lord Lonato would raise a rebellion in the manner he did when he did. Unless he had outside support with considerable sway-”

“You think the Empire is behind Lord Lonato’s betrayal?” Mercedes asked.

“As I said,” Dedue told her, his expression unreadable, “it is merely speculation. But it would explain a great many things. Faerghus is more divided now than ever, it is difficult to believe that is a simple coincidence.”

“Duscur, Lonato, the Church,” Dimitri said, “the infection of the Flame Emperor’s touch has been festering in the Kingdom for far too long. And they would choose to ignore it rather than fighting for their country. Have they no honor?”

“Does any of this matter?” Felix interjected, clearly annoyed. “Even if the Empire did have something to do with the failed rebellion, Lonato is dead now. We can’t waste our time wondering about the motives of a dead man. We need to focus on the problems at hand.”

Dimitri raised his chin imperiously in reaction to that statement, although he didn’t object, turning to face the front again. Ashe sunk back in his chair, pressing his shaking hands flat against the table. Felix’s cruelty was expected at this point, but Dimitri’s was still a fresh wound. You could understand that. You put your hand over Ashe’s, pleased at how steady it was. Your eyes met and you nodded to him, hoping the show of support was enough. His lips quirked in what could almost be counted as a grateful smile.

“About that,” Sylvain said, breaking the tension somewhat with his easy tone. “I received word from my father. He said that he’d send men, but they still won’t get here in time. It’ll take an entire moon for any sizable force to get here. Best case scenario, the Empire forces are delayed, and we can bolster our numbers.” He didn’t continue with the worst-case scenario, but he didn’t need to. The little helpless shrug was more than enough.

Byleth nodded thoughtfully. “This will be a decisive battle, but we’ll be in need of fresh soldiers after the fact no matter which way it goes.”

“Win or lose, you mean,” Felix said dryly.  

“We won’t lose,” Annette said. “With the Professor on our side, we’re definitely going to win. Right?” Her blue eyes jumped from face to face, searching desperately for confirmation of her plea.

“Right,” you agreed, trying to unravel the knot of fear and dread tangling in your stomach. You had to work past that, to remain strong. “No matter what, we can’t let the Empire scare us into submission. If we do that, we might as well give up before the battle even starts.” Could they hear past the conviction in your voice to the weak wobble that laid beneath? At the very least, Annette smiled in return. That was enough.

“We will win,” Dimitri said. “When I have her head in my hands, there will be peace. For all of us.” Even in profile, you could see the sickly smile he wore as he considered that. Compared to any regular expression of joy or pleasure, this was a ghastly, inhuman expression. One you had seen before.

“Dimitri, when was the last time you slept?” Professor Byleth asked, tilting his chin up as he considered the prince.

“Slept? I...” Dimitri replied, his eyes snapping upward and the smile dropping. A moment later, his expression froze over. “That is unimportant.” Even for Professor Byleth, this was dangerous territory.

“What about your last meal?” Professor Byleth pushed.

“That is no concern of yours,” Dimitri said, meeting his eyes evenly. “And assuming it was… I have no appetite.”

“Oh, so is that your plan?” Felix called, his voice dripping scorn. “You’re going to kill yourself before that girl can do it for you?”

“Felix,” Dedue said, a warning in his voice as he turned to scowl at him.

“Shut up, dog. I’m tired of your sycophantic denial,” Felix snapped. “Wake up, boar. If you want to lose your mind, do it on your own time. Right now, there are more important things to worry about.”

“Hm,” Dimitri said in response.

“Felix, calm down,” Ingrid said, her worry clearly etched into a frown.  

“You’re telling me to calm down?” Felix asked her. “Am I the only one who understands what’s at stake here? You want me to spare the feelings of a mad boar… For what? How is pity for him going to save the lives of the people here? What good is compassion against an upcoming war? This is a farce.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Dimitri said, standing with the sharp scraping of wood on stone. “I recommend you all prepare yourselves. We will crush the enemy as soon as they dare to enter through the gates. And as soon as Edelgard draws near... I will have my revenge.”

Dimitri let that ominous threat hold in the still air. Dust motes played in the light streaming in through the windows, disturbing into a frantic swirl of a dance as he left the room with a swish of his blue cape. Dedue followed with a hurried, “Pardon me.” The doors shut behind them, but not before allowing in a chilly draft of cold wintery air. You didn’t even think about it, pushing away from the table with dread settling like ice in your heart.

“You’re going to go after him, aren’t you?” Felix accused, pinning you in place with his glare.

“What?” you asked, feeling the attention settling on you.

“Give me a break,” Felix said, his lip curling back in outright disdain, “you’re not fooling anybody. You’re as bad as that boar’s lapdog, constantly following him around as you do.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” you said slowly, carefully.

Felix scoffed. “Anybody with a set of eyes can see the truth. If he’s the boar’s lapdog,” he said, nodding towards the door Dedue had just departed through, “then you’re his bitch.”

You recoiled as if he’d physically struck you. It felt like it, almost. Heat built up urgently behind your eyes, ringing with the pulsing stream of blood in your ears. Like the first time you’d been punched in the face, you just felt stunned.

Did he know the extent of your feelings? You supposed they had been transparent from the start; you were an idiot to believe you’d ever fool anyone. All the same, thick shame began to congeal in your gut, rising up like bile. “That’s a terrible thing to say,” you said into the ensuing shocked silence, your voice soft with pained shock, light and airy in order to get past the swell of tears in your throat.

“Felix, that’s enough,” Sylvain said in warning, reaching out to put a hand on his shoulder. Felix shook off Sylvain’s hand by standing up, glaring at him, too.

“You’re all fools. You think you’re being kind, but all you’re doing is enabling him to destroy himself,” Felix said. “We don’t have a chance of winning if we spend all of our time worrying about a mad boar. Tell me when we’re actually going to discuss something important. Until then, I’ll be training.” He turned on his heel and left without any further objection.

Elegiac Chorale Mortis Honore Opus 7, No. 2

There weren’t enough knights to do everything that needed to be done in preparing Garreg Mach for the impending battle. That meant that many of the less intensive tasks fell to the students to complete, including evacuation of civilians.

Those who had the resources to do so were able to get out practically on the day of Edelgard’s betrayal, like wildlife that could smell a storm before it broke, people scattered away from the encroaching doom. Others weren’t so fortunate. They were poor, they had families, they had settled their lives in Garreg Mach as surely and firmly as the old stone walls.

Getting those people to safety was absolutely essential and important, but the reality of the matter was grim. The friendly territories of the western kingdom and along the Alliance and Faerghus border were quickly becoming packed with refugees. Not just from Garreg Mach, but from the northern Empire. Asylum seekers from the Imperial recruitment and cruelty.

Most of those people were used to the mild winters in Central Fódlan, so those who were forced further north into the kingdom weren’t accustomed to the harsh conditions. Already, there were rumors of entire camps of refugees left dead from exposure. Or bandits, the Kingdom was still rife with lowlife thugs like Miklan. And that wasn’t even to mention the fact that the civil unrest had already left Faerghus without enough resources over the winter months.

The Alliance wasn’t much better, most of their energy was put into fortifying their own defenses and the little wars of internal conflict. You had never paid much attention to how divided the Alliance was after Duke Riegan’s death. Claude insisted he could get a handle on it, but there was only so much he could do for the time being.

That was the general feeling in Garreg Mach. There was only so much you could do. Only so much anyone could do.

You helped load another family onto an overpacked cart with only the most essential of their possessions. Families of the soldiers got priority, and this caravan was thick with children. Despite the hapless sounds of crying children and soft weeping, there was a hush over the once lively square. A somber farewell.

Having done all you could, you stepped back. You couldn’t help but focus on a young girl towards the back. She had a ghostly white face and clutched a doll to her chest with hands still round and dimpled with baby fat, her mother’s arm draped across those tiny shoulders to keep her from bumping into the strangers they would be traveling with. Tears glazed those sweet baby blues, exhaustion ringed the young mother’s eyes. Her husband, a young soldier who had hung around to say goodbye, would be staying and risking his life. He kissed both girls with the desperate fervor of a man who knew, on some level, that this was goodbye forever.

You wanted to believe that this was the best thing, and it was, but you knew what it was to be displaced at such a young age. You knew what it did to people. You knew what goodbye forever felt like. Selfish as it was, you felt almost as if you could see yourself in those glassy young eyes. It was just all too familiar.

Thinking of your mother, as always, was a painful thing. After realizing the magnitude of the situation, you had sent several letters to her nurses and the man you had left in charge of your Fhirdiad estate to warn them of what was coming. Right now, you held onto the belief that the battle at Garreg Mach would stop the war from invading into Faerghus, which meant that your mother was fine to stay in the country mansion. Besides, you worried about what the city would do to her system, she was already in such a poor state.

But that was a worry for another time.

The horses were kicked into motion and the cart rolled over the smooth cobblestones to the great somewhere else. You hoped the goddess went with them, keeping them safe. When they fully disappeared through the gate into the cloudy winter sunrise, you turned on your heel to return to the monastery. After such a long night of patrolling and a morning of packing up civilians, this was the last thing you wanted to do, but you had already put it off too long.

If you were a good person, or even a good leader, you would have visited your company the moment you had any solid news about what was happening. But you weren’t. You didn’t.

Not all of the soldiers employed by the Church stayed in the monastery, which was reserved primarily for the knights and those with high standing in the militaries of the three countries. In a section wedged between the monastery proper and the town of Garreg Mach, a large camp of barracks had been laid out for all of the other soldiers. The organization of it was a bit strange, considering most of them had separate allegiances and very few of them reported to the same generals. Lady Rhea would be considered their High Marshal in theory, but that was just about the only unifying force. Each battalion of soldiers was employed to serve whichever student Officer they had been assigned, so they worked both as an independent, almost mercenary-like group as well as military personnel.

You had always felt awkward with your own battalion, unsure of how to command or treat them. Lieutenant Avery was basically the leader of your company. There was no question of the men’s loyalty, your authority wasn’t the highest to those men, even if they were technically yours to lead. That had never bothered you, not in the way it should have. Only recently had you begun to feel shame about the fact. So many other students had been found to have traitorous Imperial soldiers under their command, a massive embarrassment to the Church as well as cause for distrust of the students themselves.

The vacancy of the empty barracks segmented for the Imperially sourced companies was hostile. Urgent intensity passed between the men who were still hanging around in thinning groups, performing the first of the day’s chores or hanging around in hunched clusters, creating an atmosphere so oppressive you almost found it hard to breathe. They were in a strange place. Staying pitted them against their country, but to leave would be a betrayal against the Church. Nobody trusted them either way, forcing them to congregate only among themselves. That was what Edelgard had done. Verbal poison, the warfare of the mind, turning everybody against one another. Unifying a country, it seemed, required mass division first.

Your men were placed in the no man’s land at the outside of the Kingdom barracks. Professor Byleth had offered you several companies of Kingdom patriots, but you hadn’t felt drawn to them like you were to Avery’s Wyvern Co. They were fresh soldiers among the large array of companies out for the Church to hire, only having arrived shortly before the year began. In truth, you weren’t even completely certain that they were soldiers to begin with. Avery was a strange person with a mysterious background and you truly believed he was a good man,  but there was something about him that lacked the shine and polish of a soldier.

Not that it mattered much to you. You liked him; you liked the men. Amidst the dark and oppressive atmosphere of the barracks camp, he and his men sat around a fire, eating breakfast, and chatting among themselves.

“Fancy this!” Avery called as you approached, his grin lit up in brushed orange and distorted by the smoke of the dancing flames. “And here I was just wondered what had happened of our dearest Captain.” The complete disregard of proprietary and respect was utterly inappropriate, but it was clear that Avery never meant anything strange by it. What was strange to you was how easy-going he sounded. Compared to the rest of the Garreg Mach, it was like laughter at a funeral. You didn’t mind it. This task was dour enough without a bad atmosphere. “Why don’t you sit?” Avery offered, gesturing to the bench seat by him. “Have you eaten? I’m sure there’s still more...”

“I’m fine, thank you,” you told him, sitting. “I’m… sorry to not have visited sooner. You’re all doing well?”

“Better than you, it looks like,” Wendell, one of the men who had been wounded in the Sealed Forest, told you. After your concern for his injuries following the battle, he seemed just as loyal to you as Avery. “If you don’t mind me saying, of course.”

“Wen,” another man, Euston, scolded dryly. “You can’t say things like that to a young lady.”

“She’s our Captain,” Avery said, lightly hitting Euston across the back of the head. “Show some respect.”

Euston laughed, undeterred. “You’re one to talk, worrying about her like some kind of mother hen.”

“Is it wrong to care? This past moon has been difficult,” Avery said. Everyone sobered up at the reminder. Difficult was probably an understatement. “You were there when the Emperor revealed herself, weren’t you?” Avery asked you. “I heard what happened. The prince-”

“Dimitri’s fine,” you said, avoiding his eyes. “And I…” You meant to say that you were fine, to reassure them that their captain was steady and sure. But you couldn’t. “That’s actually what I’ve come to talk to you all about. As I’m sure you’re all well aware of by now, there is going to be a battle. The rumors are true. Imperial troops are estimated to arrive by the end of the moon.”  

Avery whistled, a quiet rumble of dissent waving over the men. “That soon? She must have been planning this awhile.”

“Yeah,” you agreed, hating to think of it. While you were carelessly training and falling in love and having your heart broken, she was sowing chaos, arranging a war. “And I’m sorry for neglecting you all. I should have done this sooner.”

“That doesn’t bode well,” Euston said.

“If you wish to leave, you’re free to do so,” you told them, your voice raised as you forced yourself to look from face to face, to not shy away from this task. Every expression you acknowledged was set in various degrees of stony to bemused, as if they couldn’t believe what you were saying. “I’ll personally pay you three moons’ wages… More if you act as an escort for the civilians leaving Garreg Mach. You’ll also get a glowing recommendation for your service thus far.”

“The odds are that grim, eh?” Avery asked. Everyone was watching you, waiting for your answer.

“Um…” you began forcing yourself not to clam up under the pressure. “Yes. A-and no. The chances of victory are… Well, nobody really knows at this point. But even if we win, this is a full… a full-on military assault. Edelgard… Emperor Edelgard means all-out war. The Church is just the beginning. I won’t force anyone to fight, I know that none of you ever signed on for allegiance to the Kingdom, or even the Church.”

That began another wave of grumbling, words you couldn’t quite make out as that information was digested. The fire was dying, but the rising sun illuminated enough for you to see the uncertainty on every face, the doubt. You were confirming things they already knew.

“If there’s going to be a war anyway, where would we go?” Lester asked loudly. He was the other one who was wounded in the Sealed Forest. You didn’t like to think of yourself as buying forgiveness to assuage your guilt for his injury, but you did know he had an affinity for chocolate. “Seems like a victory here is our best bet to avoid that.”

“Yeah,” Euston agreed. “War seems like it would be… annoying. We came to the Church because they give us the easy life. Or, they did before this mess all started.” General assent followed his words, heads nodding.

“I’d never forgive myself if I left you here, Captain,” Wendell said. “I may not care that much for the Kingdom or the Church or anything, but I like you. Never known a noble who was so...” He waved his hand, at a loss for words. “You know… The point is, I’m staying.”

“Wendell…” you said, your voice half choked. “Thank you.”

“So, does anyone want to take up our generous Captain on her offer?” Avery asked. Silence met his question, a resounding answer in its own right. You swallowed down the lump in your throat, hating to feel the pressure of tears at the back of your eyes.

“Thank you. It is… my greatest honor to lead you all,” you said, feeling that the words weren’t enough but knowing it was the best you could do. To them, a company of seasoned men, what were you? A slip of a girl pretending to lead them. And yet, they would follow you.

“When this is all over, you’re gonna owe us all a drink,” Euston said. “I’ve always wanted to try that plum liquor they make in Morfis.”

“When this is over, I’ll owe you all a hundred drinks,” you said. “So you’d better all make it, okay?”

“Yessir,” most of them said in unison, touching forefingers to their brows or giving you half-salutes. You let out a heavy breath, glad to be done with that and feeling far better than you had upon arrival.

“I’ll be off, then,” you said, standing up and stretching. The sun had risen, but the sky was miserably gray and cloudy. One of those days. It seemed like all days were one of those days.

“I’ll walk you back,” Avery said, standing.

“You don’t need t-”

“Come on,” he said without waiting. You waved to the rest, even getting some smiles in return, before hurrying to match his stride.

In a way, you were glad for the company. The tension among the battalion camp was just as uncomfortable now as it had been on the way in, but now people were moving around. There was an endless supply of jobs anymore, always something for someone to do.

“It was good of you to offer that,” Avery said.

“Do you think any of them will accept?” you asked. Nobody had spoken up at the moment, but that didn’t mean they wouldn’t in private. You didn’t fault that.

“No, we stick together. No matter what.”

“They’re very loyal to you.”

“Like I said, we stick together,” Avery said. “You never asked what we did before we came to Garreg Mach, or why.”

“I didn’t think it was important,” you responded.

“I can’t tell if you’re too naive or too kind,” Avery said, shooting you a sideways smile. “When you picked us, I was braced for the worst type of brat, that’s what we signed up for. But you’re not that. Sure, you’re incompetent, but I know you mean well.”

The casual jab hurt, but the praise leveled it out. Somewhat. Besides, he was right.

“Even if you were the worst of them, we’d have taken it. It’s like… penance. But you’re not, so I figure I should give you a chance to decide you want men like us following you.”

“I don’t care about your past,” you said.

“We were criminals,” Avery said, acting as if he hadn’t heard you. He wasn’t looking at you anymore, his eyes forward and expression schooled into a serious mask. “Damned good ones, too. We all came from villages near the Almyran border, grew up on the backs of wyverns, always dreamed of being accepted into Gonerill’s army. I got my own company before I really realized it; the fight with the Almyrans is pointless. Fighting for fighting’s sake. You lose limbs and lives in what amounts to little more than a game, there’s nothing respectable or sane about it. So, we, my men and I, deserted.”

“Oh,” you said, stunned by the confession.

“After that, we terrorized people, thinking we had some sort of right to do it because at least we weren’t liars like all of the nobility who toss lives away like trash. We only took from the rich and called it justice.” Avery sighed regretfully. “The things we did… the things I did... “

“It couldn’t have been that bad,” you said doubtfully, trying to imagine somebody like smiling Wendell doing what Avery was describing.

“I destroyed people’s lives,” Avery said. “Because of me, children lost their fathers, women lost their husbands... One day I looked at what I had done, what we were doing, and knew that I was damned. I came to the monastery to beg forgiveness, to serve the children who I might have ruined.”

The two of you were approaching the front gate. Cold shivers had crept up your spine, over your arms. Bandits had killed your father, ruined your mother. Ruined you, in a way, even if it was liberation.

But Avery didn’t know that. Besides, it couldn’t have been Avery. To believe in such a coincidence was too awful, too cruel. Avery was a good man, you believed that.

“Now you know who it is that serves you, Captain,” he said, stopping and facing you. He didn’t have the face of a bad man. His skin was leathery and crinkled from too many years in the sun and the line of his nose was an uneven mess from being broken a time or two. He surveyed you with a neutral expression, waiting for your judgment.

“Thank you for telling me,” you said carefully, willing yourself to not become emotional. “I think… I’m not the person to forgive you, but… But it would be really hypocritical of me to judge you. A man I lo―care about quite a bit is in a similar position, looking to the goddess for help and forgiveness, and I… What else is there? As long as you keep trying to be a better person and… Um… I don’t think any less of you. I’m grateful that you trust me.”

Avery measured that response for a long moment before he finally spoke. “Then it is my genuine pleasure to serve under your command.”

“And I’m going to be better,” you told him. “I know I’ve been a poor captain. Most of the time I feel like a child, but I… We can both be better, right?”

“I’d like to think so.” Avery smiled, encouraging you to do the same. “Have a good day, captain. And consider getting some rest”

“I will,” you said. Consider it, at least. Sleep was evasive these days. Besides, there was so much to do. Still, after Avery left, you did take a moment to breathe, to consider what he told you. It didn’t change anything, did it? Yet somehow, you felt more hopeful. And distraught. It seemed the world was insistent that you not let go of your past, throwing it back in your face like this.

But there wasn’t much time for contemplation like that. You hurried back to the monastery, determined to make the most of this ugly gray day.

Elegiac Chorale Mortis Honore Opus 7, No. 3

Six days had passed since Professor Byleth had called you all together to discuss the state of things. You felt the passing of each hour acutely, the countdown dragging the monastery closer and closer to uncertain ruin. Yet, at the same time, it seemed as if the clock was crawling along, prolonging the nightmare-ish state.  

Felix hadn’t so much as looked at you since that disastrous last confrontation.

Dimitri only occasionally showed up when he was summoned.

And you were silly. Stupid, even. Why you felt the need to volunteer yourself to go get him to come to the meeting today, you didn’t know. He was more likely to listen to Professor Byleth anyway. But you did. Of course you did.

The vaulted space of the cathedral was nearly always filled with those who thought to pray for aid from the Goddess. Devoted and questioning alike gathered up to pray for their souls, to pray for their loved ones, to pray for some measure of comfort. Everywhere buzzed with word of Emperor Edelgard’s proclamations and the size of her forces and the fearsome strength of her military, whispered rumors dripping in like poison along with the prayers.

Dimitri spent a great deal of time in the cathedral. Nobody really knew why, people whispered about it like it was some great mystery that a man half mad would think to reach out to the goddess for guidance, but you thought you understood. Avery’s desire for penance was fresh in your head, and you could remember Dimitri’s words that night in the Goddess Tower, almost like a melody you couldn’t quite shake from your head.

“The goddess just watches over us from above… That is all. No matter how hard someone begs to be saved, she would never so much as offer her hand. And even if she did, we lack the means to reach out and grasp it. That’s how I feel about her.”

And you knew that he was the one most affected by Edelgard’s betrayal, the one suffering the most pain. You kept your promise that you wouldn’t tell anybody of his true connection to the Emperor, but it haunted you. The moment of her mask falling away had cut some integral thread of forced composure that Dimitri had been clinging to as a lifeline, and without it he’d fallen victim to the very worst parts of himself. He spent so much of his time reaching towards the goddess for a lifeline because, despite the brutal killings you had seen him commit, he was weak.

You were weak, too. Although you had a reason to seek him out, your feet took you to him because they always did, they always brought you to him. You were so, terribly weak.

Upon passing through the gate of the cathedral, it was impossible to miss Dimitri. Everybody gave him a wide berth of space when passing, casting him nervous side glances, and whispering to their companions in hushed tones. He stood alone like an exhibit in a museum. Rumors had spread about Dimitri just as quickly as they had about Edelgard. Rumors of madness, of insanity. It was upsetting to hear, heartbreaking that he was viewed as little more than a spectacle, but you shrugged them off. It didn’t matter what people thought, or at least you couldn’t blame them. They were ignorant and afraid, and while Edelgard was still far away, Dimitri was right in front of them.

He, as had become usual, stood in his grand stage of empty space. A position he could occupy for hours without break. Dimitri’s uniform wasn’t as neat as he had usually kept it, and his hair needed to be cut. Your heart softened upon seeing him. A foolish, stupid feeling. Unwanted entirely. You knew that things had changed and could keenly remember the many times he’d snapped at you for doing what you were about to do. Whatever tenderness that had been cultivated within him before now was gone. Withered away like flowers in the frost, a sweet melody played sour on an out of tune lyre.

But you refused to stop, and you especially refused to be frightened of Dimitri, or believe that he would do anything to hurt you.

It was better to stick only to present concerns. Such as the fact that he was muttering to himself again. Words you couldn’t quite hear over the hushed noise of the devout. Dimitri’s lips moved with a rhythm that made it seem like he was speaking to something, someone. The dead, his dead. You had heard him use their names once, addressing people who were long gone and buried. Glenn, father, stepmother. He stopped whenever someone was close enough to pick out details, but you heard them all the same.

Melancholy intermingled with a deep, bone-grinding fear at seeing him like this. Many poems or songs you knew spoke of insanity, but none of their descriptions truly matched the broken man in front of you. They saw the afflicted through the eyes of a romantic. In other words, a lovely lyrical lie. What most of them had in common, however, was an eventual tragedy. With every fiber of your being, you swore to not allow him to become victim to such a fate.

You had failed once. You couldn’t handle another. You were weak.

“Dimitri?” you asked, striding up to him with a level of cheery confidence you weren’t so sure you felt. The eyes of a crowd of outsiders followed you now that you had broken the bubble of space surrounding the prince that frightened them so, watching as if you were approaching a beast in the woods unarmed.

Dimitri didn’t respond, either ignoring you or lost in thought of whatever he’d been muttering about. You would have preferred the former, because at least then he’d still be with you, not sunken down into some dark void that you couldn’t possibly reach him in. Unfortunately, you suspected it was the latter, what with the way his blue eyes were ringed with deep shadow and glazed over. You couldn’t even imagine the last time he must have slept. According to Dedue’s careful vigilance, he spent his days in the cathedral and his nights on the training grounds, throwing himself into combat practice so intensely nobody dared intervene. Not even you.

“Dimitri?” you asked again, a bit louder, daring to reach out a hand to get his attention. The touch startled him, and for a moment you were almost afraid that he was going to strike out. He didn’t, although you could tell by the way his body was coiled and poised that it had been a close thing. But he didn’t, and that was all that mattered.

“What is it?” Dimitri asked in the clipped and cold tone of an accusation. The familiar blue of his eyes was flat when they found focus on your face, his stare without any recognition for your feelings or softness for who you wished you were to him. It hurt, it still hurt. Maybe it would always hurt when he looked at you like that, maybe your heart would never scar over and allow you to recognize that this version of him wasn’t truly who he was. You began to rack your brain for a proper verse about the pain of looking in the eyes of someone you loved and seeing nothing in return but stopped yourself. There was no song or lyric that could explain the piercing ache of such a feeling. With him, with your mother, you knew that so very well.

“The dining hall is serving cheesy Verona stew,” you said.

Dimitri grunted dismissively, turning his face from you. That, of course, was not nearly enough to actually stop you.

“See, I asked, and nobody seemed to know if you’ve eaten in the past few days,” you continued.

He said nothing.

“And I know for a fact that you like cheesy Verona stew.”

Nothing.

“Plus, you won’t be able to fight or anything if you’re starving, so-”

“What, exactly, is it that you want?” Dimitri abruptly snapped, fixing you again with a look you refused to believe was a glare of murderous intent. Despite that firm belief, the expression was threatening enough to push you into taking an unconscious half-step away in physical recoil.

“I was worried-”

“I’m fine,” he insisted in a raised voice. Not shouting, just authoritative. It made your stomach drop anyway. At your reaction, he lowered his voice, shaking his head in a jittery way as his eyes cast downwards, a hand raising so he could press a finger against his temple. The headaches he had once told you of must have reached a new level of agonizing. “As soon as her blood is drained from that treacherous heart, everything will be fine… We’ll be fine... So leave me be.”

Overexposure drained those muttered words of much of the power they used to hold but hearing the man you’d seen nearly break down over death speak so casually of gratuitous violence created its own type of deep-set horror. Not to say that was unexpected. You’d heard him say much worse since he learned of the Flame Emperor’s true identity.

“Okay, I-I’m sorry. The Professor is calling for a council and requests that we all attend. I was thinking that you should eat something beforehand. It might make you feel better, you know?” you explained. “But if you’re not hungry, th-that’s fine. The meeting’s in an hour.”

“I understand,” he snapped, cutting you off.

“We could go together, if you wanted,” you offered.

Dimitri gave you a flat look and for a moment you were sure he was going to shout at you. But he didn’t, which was somehow worse. “I’d rather you leave me alone.”

“You don’t need to be alone. It’s not healthy,” you told him quietly. “Before, you told me that you would talk to someone, that you would… Don’t you remember?”

For a long moment, Dimitri didn’t respond. You had no idea what was going on behind the storm of his eyes, the conflicted dance of anger and pain. “Why must you continue to torture me?” Dimitri finally asked, his voice low and throaty. “None of it meant anything, don’t you understand that? It was not my place to tell you those things. I have but a single purpose, to be distracted was my most grievous error. So leave me be.”

He turned away, once again facing the front of the cathedral.

“Okay,” you agreed, almost inaudible with the way your throat had swollen up. “I’m sorry.” Dimitri’s eyes closed, but he didn’t respond. That might have been for the best. You turned on your heel and left the cathedral, feeling the dozens of eyes track each step, whispering. Always whispering, talking, lying, always, always-

On the bridge, you faced the harsh wintery wind, hoping that the sharp bite of its touch would hide the true reason for your watering eyes and red cheeks. Because you were weak. Because you were in love with a man who was fated for tragedy. Because you knew goodbye forever and there was nothing that you could do about it.

Time ticked on, seconds became minutes, minutes you didn’t have the luxury of wasting. You turned you back to the cathedral and the wind and acknowledged that you had at least done as you were told. Just like a soldier would. Just like a knight.

Elegiac Chorale Mortis Honore Opus 7, No. 4

Even with war hanging heavy on the horizon, even with your heart heavy and breaking, the mundane chores still had to be done. Until coming to Garreg Mach, you had never so much as thought about doing the dishes. It left your fingers pruning and hands chapped and dry, but the ritual of it felt satisfying. Taking something dirty and making it clean. You and Ingrid stood above the sudsy, steaming basin; your uniform sleeves rolled up to the elbows.

The two of you made some small talk at first, but it was clear to see that she was preoccupied. You’d have loved a distraction from your Dimitri-centered thoughts―and under different circumstances, you might have tried anyway―but there was really nothing to say. Dimitri’s harsh rejection the day prior still burned hot and horrible in your chest. If you thought about it, you’d probably start crying again.

“I feel as if I owe you an apology,” Ingrid finally said as you worked a particularly tough bit of grime from a plate. That brought you up short, looking at the blonde to try and figure out what she was thinking to say that so suddenly.

“An apology?” you repeated after a moment.

“For what Felix said,” Ingrid clarified, her eyes casting down towards the water.

You stiffened at the reminder. Out of everything that had been happening lately, you had almost forgotten about that incident. No, you had willfully been trying to forget about it. “You don’t have to apologize for that,” you told her.

She sighed. “It’s always been up to me to clean up after them. His Highness, Sylvain, and Felix... I tried to talk to him, but he won’t hear it.” Ingrid paused. “He doesn’t mean it. I doubt that’s any consolation, but-”

“I know,” you said, cutting her off.

The Boar’s bitch. Goddess, that was cruel. But it wasn’t even entirely untrue. That was the worst of it, to have something you held as holy pulled out from your heart and exposed for the appraisal of eyes that would defile its sanctity.

“I don’t know the details of what happened between Felix and Dimitri to make him so angry, but it changed him,” Ingrid said, picking up a tin mug to begin washing. “After Duscur… Well, everything changed. Felix used to adore Dimitri. He followed them everywhere like a lost puppy.”

“Them?”

“Dimitri and… And Glenn.” Pain twisted Ingrid’s voice with the name. “He is… was Felix’s older brother.”

“Dimitri’s mentioned him,” you said. Dimitri talked to him, actually. Glenn was one of the dead, a victim of the Duscur Tragedy. From what you had gathered, Glenn had been the knight ideal. And, if you weren’t mistaken, Ingrid’s betrothed. You tried to imagine the girl you knew being promised to any man, but the image just didn’t compute. It was almost as strange as trying to imagine a younger, softer version of Felix.

“Losing him was hard on all of us,” Ingrid continued. “I can’t say I don’t sympathize with Felix’s pain... but that doesn’t excuse what he said.”

“It’s fine,” you said, focusing especially hard on the plate you were scrubbing.

Ingrid didn’t respond to that, although you could feel her eyes jump up to watch you every so often, her mouth opening before closing again. Finally, after what felt like an eternity of waiting, she said, “I don’t mean to pry, but you and Dimitri…” Your entire body tensed up, shoulders hunching and the silverware you’d been washing slipping back into the basin with a splash. Of course, you’d been waiting for a question like that. But you hadn’t been ready, either. “I know the two of you were close,” Ingrid said, as if she hadn’t noticed your reaction. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but I… Well, I suppose I know what it feels like to have your heart broken. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here.”

“Thank you,” you told her stiffly, fishing the fork out of the murky water. There was more to be said, the words piling and pooling up on your tongue and ready to spill out, but before you could speak, the pantry door was flung open, a tiny figure emerging.

"Counting all the way up to numbers I don't even know. And more! Flour and sugar and rice and grain galooore-"

"Annette?" you asked, watching her spin on her toes as she closed the door behind her.

"GAH!" With a graceless turn, Annette whirled around, a hand clasped over her mouth and the notepad she was holding crashing to the floor. Recognition flashed through her wide blue eyes after a moment of horrified shock and she lowered that hand to her chest. “Oh, it’s you!” she exclaimed. “You scared me!”

“Sorry...” you responded, exchanging a glance with the equally bewildered Ingrid.

"Oh, well, it’s fine,” she said, trying to play it off. “You didn't… hear anything, did you?"

You were about to lie, mostly to avoid upsetting her, but Ingrid beat you to it. "You were... singing?”

Annette winced, "I can explain! I was taking inventory for Seteth and got very focused and the song just sort of came to me and… and…" She deflated. "I don't suppose you would pretend that you didn't hear that, would you?"

"Why?" Ingrid asked.

"Because… because…" Annette said, flustered. "Because if everyone finds out that I sing to myself they're all going to think I'm that weird girl who makes up stupid songs about counting and food and then they’ll all whisper about me behind my back about how weird and stupid I am!"

"It's not that weird to sing while you work,” you told her.

"Do you?" Ingrid asked, looking at you curiously.

"Well… not around people…" you answered. Everybody in your class knew about your affinity for music on account of that day Sylvain stole your book of songs, but you didn’t advertise the fact that you enjoyed making music, too. Especially not to the knight ideal like Ingrid. Music was impractical.

"See! It is weird!" Annette exclaimed. "Now you're going to tell everyone, and they'll all think I'm a total freak who sings about flour and sugar and-"

"Annette…" Ingrid cut in, frowning in concern.

Annette continued on like she hadn’t heard, her rant getting progressively more distracted, "And they're gonna look at me and laugh and never take me seriously because of the stupid childish songs and-"

"I didn't know you liked music," you said, interrupting her.

Annette blinked, focusing on you. "I don’t really tell people. It’s kind of embarrassing.”

"If it makes you happy, I don't think it's embarrassing," you told her.

"She's right," Ingrid said seriously. "I don't have any interest in music, but the song wasn't that bad."

"That bad…" Annette said, frowning. "So it was still bad. I knew it. Oh, this is just the worst!"

"It wasn't!" you told her quickly. "I liked the melody; did you compose it?"

"Well, yeah," she said, fidgeting with her notepad.

"That's really amazing, Annette,” you said enthusiastically. “I'm no good at writing music."

"Oh, it's not that impressive," she said, waving her hand.

"I'd love it if you could teach me some time," you said. "It might be a nice break from-" you waved your hand around generally, your voice trailing off.

“Well, if you really want to, I guess I wouldn’t mind,” Annette said. “As long as you promise to never, ever tell anybody what you heard today.”

“I promise,” you vowed.

“As do I,” Ingrid said.

“That’s a relief,” Annette said, finally picking up her dropped notepad. “Are you free tonight?”

“I have patrol duty with Ashe,” you replied, frowning. “Maybe tomorrow?”

“Sure! I’ll have to let you know when, though. There’s so much to do.” Annette sighed. “Speaking of which, what was I doing…?”

“Inventory?” Ingrid offered helpfully.

“Oh, right! That!” Annette responded, her trademark bounce returning. “Well, I’d better go, then. I’ll see you tomorrow!”

You and Ingrid said goodbye, but Annette was already out of the kitchen. Seconds later, there was a loud crash right outside the door and Annette’s muffled voice demanded to know why there was a box in the way where people were walking. It left your heart feeling oddly light. Everything else could change, but Annette was still a whirlwind mess of drive, clumsiness, and quirk.

“If you have patrol, you should probably get going,” Ingrid said. “I don’t mind finishing up here.”

“Oh, right,” you said, quickly drying off your hands. “I hate being out in the town these days, it’s so empty and creepy.”

“Do you want to switch?” Ingrid asked, raising an eyebrow. “I have guard duty tomorrow at dawn.”

“As enticing as that sounds, I think I’ll pass,” you told her, your face scrunching up at the very idea of it. It was one thing to be cold and miserable at night but being cold and miserable with the memory of your soft, warm bed fresh in your mind was worse.

“I suppose it was worth a try. Be on your guard,” Ingrid told you. “And be safe.”

“Thanks,” you said. “I’ll try.”

Elegiac Chorale Mortis Honore Opus 7, No. 5

“Ansel’s stories are great!” you insisted, walking side by side with Ashe on your nighttime patrols. With the curfew, there were no other people wandering around, but that wasn’t the only reason for the uncomfortably hollow feeling in Garreg Mach. With each passing day, the small towns that littered the outskirts became ghostly haunts, shops closing up and merchants who sold anything other than weapons and supplies packing up. Outside the realm of his torch, the once lively was a depressing and frightening place. But having company helped. It helped a lot. “I love the characters.”

“I didn’t say they’re bad,” Ashe responded quickly. “But... they’re mostly romance. They shouldn’t be shelved by the stories about knights, someone could accidentally pick one up and have no idea what they’re in for.”

“There are knights and heroes, too,” you pointed out. “Besides, romance is integral to the plots of most hero stories. What’s worth fighting for more than love?”

“You’re starting to sound like Sylvain,” Ashe told you, laughing.

“Don’t you fight for love?” you asked, only slightly defensively. “Love for your country, your family, your friends… Isn’t that why people fight? We’re all driven by passion, don’t you think?”

“Huh… I guess that’s true. But... wait, that wasn’t my point! I-” Ashe’s words abruptly cut off as you turned a corner. This street, a main thoroughfare with some of the few remaining open establishments, was well lit. A crowd of people congregated at the far end. “What’s going on over there?”

You blinked, caught off guard by the sight. “Is there some sort of event?” you asked.

“Not that I’m aware of,” Ashe said. “Besides, the curfew...”

“We should go check it out,” you said, all amusement from your conversation going stale and cold. You had a very bad feeling about this.  

Ashe quickly put out the torch, following after you as you approached the crowd. There was a sense of dread in the air. There was a crowd, sure, but their voices weren’t loud enough, no laugher could be heard. It was just tension and raw, crackling energy. Most of the people were soldiers, men and women from other battalions. Some villagers. The entire crowd smelled of urine and liquor and the desperate vinegar of excited sweat. You tried to cut your way into the group, standing on your toes to see what they were all circled around. Nobody paid you any mind, too focused on what was happening to make way.

“Is that… His Highness?” Ashe asked, his voice loud above the noise.

And it was. Standing in the impromptu ring created by the surrounding crowd, Dimitri faced off against five other men. One of them was wearing Imperial fatigues. Another wore clothes you recognized as being an unkempt and dirty Faerghus soldier uniform. All of them had a wild, drunken look and anger and bloodlust.

“-known that your association with that Duscur beast would rub off on you,” the Faerghus soldier was saying. “I refuse to follow a monster into battle, let alone lead my country.”

“I see,” Dimitri replied. Despite the many voices rumbling around the square, his was easy to make out. “You have betrayed your country, trading one monster for another. How does that feel?”

That made the other man wince, but his fury was far more potent. They were ganging up on him, this was an ambush.

“Ashe go get help. Professor Byleth… Guards… anyone! Hurry!” you told him, your voice quivering with urgency. He blinked, his eyes wide and frightened, but nodded.

“I’ll be quick.”

With Ashe running off, you tried to steady yourself with a deep breath, forcing your hands to stop shaking. “Let me through!” you demanded, trying once more to cut your way through the crowd. People shifted, although you took more than one elbow to the ribs, bodies pushing back against you. “On behalf of the Church of Seiros, I demand that you let me through!” That finally worked. Sort of. You broke out into the front of the group, a hand on your sword hilt. “This i-is… an illegal act of violence against the crown prince of Faerghus… Disperse now!” Jumbled and nervous, your words were still able to get the attention of the group of men. Dimitri turned, meeting your eyes for a half-second with a look of surprise. And then his face darkened, his jaw clenching as he looked away.

“What is this?” the Imperial asked mockingly, “Another student? Maybe a friend of yours, crown prince?”

Dimitri said nothing, not even looking at you.

“The guards will be arriving soon!” you threatened.

“Faerghus law allows any Faerghus soldier challenge his superior, nobility and royalty, to a fight,” the soldier said. “It’s up to him if he wishes to accept the terms.”

“What do you say, beast prince?” the Imperial asked. “Do you have any honor left, or have you abandoned that with your humanity?”

“Honor?” Dimitri asked, sounding amused. “Coming from one who wears the colors of the Empire? Tell me, do you act on behalf of that woman?”

“I act for myself,” he responded. “And for justice. My brother was one of the men you slaughtered in the Holy Tomb. I saw his body, creature. You’re no prince, you’re not even a soldier. You’re a monster.”

“And your gang of traitorous vermin?” Dimitri asked. “They agree?”

“Faerghus is better off without you,” the Faerghus soldier said, eliciting sounds of agreement from the others.

“Fine,” Dimitri said. “I accept your challenge.”

“No!” you shouted, lunging forward. Or, attempting to. A man you hadn’t even noticed shot an arm out to keep you from entering the informal circle, pulling you back.

“Don’t interfere,” he said, holding your arms pinned so you couldn’t go for your weapon. His breath was hot and sour on your ear, making you shudder in disgust. “I have money on this fight, girl. Five to one… the pretty boy’s ‘bout to learn a lesson he won’t forget.”

“Dimitri, stop!” you begged. It didn’t even occur to you to be worried for him. Only about what he would do.

The Faerghus soldier went for him first, pulling a knife from his stained coat and lunging at Dimitri with wavering, drunken posture. He was a large guy, the type that expected to win fights based purely on his size and raw strength. Dimitri sidestepped the attack, grabbing the man’s beefy arm as he did to misdirect his momentum and contort the arm behind his back, twisting him around and sending him staggering to the ground.

Dimitri had gotten hold of the knife during the exchange, but he didn’t bother using it. When the large man made to grab Dimitri’s legs, Dimitri kicked him in the chest. Bones crunched. Loudly. Dimitri kicked him again, the choppy strands of his blond hair flipping and falling with the motion.

Despite the shocking display of efficient brutality, the Imperial went into attack. His knuckles glinted with metal as he drew back his fist.

“Watch out!” you called, but the warning was unnecessary. Dimitri whirled around, grabbing the Imperial’s hand before it could make contact and slamming it flat against the side of the building. He drove the knife right below the band of metal ringing the Imperials fingers, pushing it into the grout between brick until the handle was flush to the man’s skin. The Imperial screamed, immediately trying to pull the knife free, but it was stuck. He tried to lash out at Dimitri, but the prince easily ducked beneath the attack.

The other three men bunched in a group, ganging up on Dimitri together. The tallest stood in the center, a short man on his right and a heavy looking guy who’d picked up a broom as a makeshift weapon on his left. All you could see of Dimitri the back of his uniform and the fluttering cape on his shoulder, so brilliant and vividly blue.

Ducking out of the way of the broom’s handle, Dimitri took a fist to the face from the shortest man. Despite the successful blow, the short man was immediately rewarded with a brutal backhand that sent him to the ground with a fleshy kind of crack.

Dimitri didn’t hesitate, throwing his body at the man holding the broom. The wooden handle split into two pieces beneath Dimitri’s gauntleted left hand, his right elbow slamming against the heavy guy’s face while he was distracted by the loss of his weapon. The heavy man’s face immediately exploded in a bright spray of blood, sending him stumbling back and tripping onto the ground, clutching his face desperately.

The tall one tried to attack with a straight right, but Dimitri spun out of the way, swinging the broken piece of broomstick handle in an arc at his head. The wood broke on impact with the guy’s skull. While he was stunned, Dimitri’s fist easily connected with his stomach. He dropped with a heavy “umph” of a groan.

Breathing heavily, Dimitri turned from them, dropping the short length of broomstick handle with a clatter of wood on stone and tossing his sweaty hair from his brow. Blood dripped from his nose, staining the ashy pale of his complexion, dribbling over his chapped lips.

The Imperial was the only one standing, having managed to free himself. You hadn’t seen what he’d done to get out of the trap, but the knife remained in the wall and his hand was in a ruined state, too covered in blood for you to see.

Dimitri faced him, his chest heaving and a gruesome smile on his face. Blood dripped into his mouth, staining his teeth red. With wild eyes, he surveyed his final opponent.

Had Dimitri done this on purpose? Ensured that the Imperial would be the last to face him so he could savor it? Something about the expression on his face made you think that sickening thought. Taking advantage of the way the grip keeping you still had slackened in horror, you stumbled forward.

“Dimitri stop!”  you shouted.

He ignored you, moving towards the last man with the predatory gait of a killer. You didn’t even think about it, lunging at him and wrapping your arms around his middle. Doing that could have killed you, you knew that. His reflexes were faster than you could ever hope to move. But your blood pounded steadily in your ears and your pulse made your throat feel swollen and men you hoped weren’t dead littered the ground. You needed to make him stop.

Somehow, it worked.

“Unhand me,” Dimitri demanded, prying you off of him despite your attempts to hold fast. The violence of it pushed you back several steps, but you managed not to fall. “This Imperial traitor asked for a fair fight. Have I not granted him his wish?”

“You’ve won!” You looked at the glowering Imperial who was wrapping his hand with a ripped piece of shirt. “Yield, please. You can’t fight, your men are down… Please, stop this.”

“No,” he said, pulling the fabric tight with a wince. With that, he swung, his arm arcing clumsily towards Dimitri who easily caught the fist, twisting it with enough force to make the main shout in pain. The movement forced the Imperial to fall forward, but Dimitri caught him with a grip on the front of his uniform, pulling him close.

“Dimitri,” you pled. “You can’t kill him. Please.”

“No? Even though he follows that wretched woman?” Dimitri asked. “Even when he would have gleefully killed me in an honorless fight?”

“Please, just yield and leave. Please,” you begged of the other man. “Dimitri, you’d let him go if he yielded, right?

“This foul creature does not deserve your pity,” he said.

“Please?” you begged again.

“Fine,” Dimitri allowed, his lip curled as he looked at the man. “I’ll let you go free. Provided you deliver a message to your master.”

The Imperial sneered, answering by screwing up his mouth for a second and then spitting. The glob of saliva landed squarely on Dimitri’s cheek. Dimitri accepted it with a cold, empty patience, letting it slide down his face without any reaction. “I’ll accept death before I do something for a beast like you,” the Imperial said.

“Very well, I shall be glad to deliver,” Dimitri responded. “You and your gang of cowards are not the first men I have sent to the Eternal Flames. But you already know that, don’t you? Your face is not even worth remembering. Just as I have forgotten your brother, you too will die a meaningless death.”

A strangled sound of rage left the Imperial’s mouth, his face twisting in genuine hatred as he fought the hold Dimitri had on his uniform. Blood had already soaked through the makeshift bandage on his hand. And Dimitri was going to kill him. That sickening smile was gone, all emotion sapped out. His expression was cold and cruel. The act of killing made him dark. Empty.

“Dimitri!” a familiar voice called, breaking the tense scene apart. The crowd, whatever remained of it, parted for Professor Byleth’s confident stride, his green eyes focused solely on the prince. Ashe hurried behind him; his cheeks colored with a flush of exertion. Dimitri’s grip on the Imperial slackened, some awareness seeping into his eyes. Finally, he wiped the spit from his cheek, catching some of the blood from his nose. It left a rusty streak on his pale skin.

The Imperial took advantage of Dimitri’s distraction. His nails made contact with Dimitri’s face for a second before the prince reacted, throwing him away with unnerving ease. What was left was four distinct and angry short trails of red high on Dimitri’s cheekbone.

“It seems you’ve been spared,” Dimitri called as the man scrambled to get upright. But he had landed poorly, swaying dizzily like he hit his head. “This time.”

“What happened?” Professor Byleth asked you, forcing your attention away from the horrific scene. You cleared your throat, trying to calm your mind.

“They challenged him to a fight,” you said. Byleth’s lips formed a line, but he nodded. “And he accepted.”

“These men were Imperial vermin and traitors,” Dimitri added. “They wished for a chance to take me out and failed.” He sighed, shaking his head. “Vengeance… Vengeance is for the strong. They were too weak to attain it.”

“You didn’t need to accept their challenge,” you told him, belatedly realizing that you were crying. Shaking, too. Trembling so hard you felt it in your bones. “You’re… you’re better than that.”

“Am I?” Dimitri asked. “Tell me, would it be honorable to keep another man from his revenge? I allowed him a fair chance, and he was unable to follow through.”

“Still…” you muttered, looking around at the carnage. Already, guards were surveying the downed men. Checking for pulses. Killing men in battle was one thing but killing them here in the dark and dingy streets of a nearly abandoned town. A place that was supposed to be a refuge, to be sacred. It was like you couldn’t breathe, like the world was closing in on you.

This wasn’t Dimitri, was it? The man who had kissed you, who had held you, who had made you laugh. The man you were in love with.

“If you can’t stomach reality, you have no place here,” Dimitri said, stalking past you. Professor Byleth attempted to stop him, but that didn’t matter. Dimitri was a force of nature, like a storm or a fire, without reason or restraint.

Besides, the guards for calling for Professor Byleth’s help, likely asking for advice on how to handle this situation. How were you supposed to handle this situation? What were you supposed to do?

“Are you all right?” Ashe asked, peering at you with a look of concern. “Let’s go back to the monastery, the guards can take care of this.”

“Okay,” you agreed. Your ears were ringing. It sounded like screaming. It smelled like blood and fire and the tangy, sour, stale sweat that reeked of pain and fear. Was this any more or less horrific than what you had already seen? You already knew the violence Dimitri was capable of, you already knew the depths to which he had descended.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You look really pale…” Ashe said.

You felt a little numb. Empty, cold, like everything had been drained out and replaced with cotton.

“Ashe?” you asked, but your voice sounded far away.

“Yes?” He looked so concerned, so earnestly worried for you. That was good, nice. You could hold on to that.

“What do you think it is to be honorable?”

Ashe blinked, clearly confused, but his answer was quick. “Honor is doing what’s right.”

“Who defines what’s right?” you asked.

“I’m not so sure this is important right now,” Ashe said, looking around. You ignored it all, the noise and the people and the carnage and the fear and the disgust, focused only on the one question. “Perhaps we should wait until we’re-”

“Please?” you asked. That word was etched into your tongue.

He looked like he was about to argue but relented after a moment. “I suppose the goddess defines what’s right, so do those who lead us,” Ashe said. “But knights also must follow their hearts. To follow all of those things… that’s honorable.”

You closed your eyes, trying to comprehend exactly what he said. That definition definitely made sense. Honor both was and wasn’t. Nebulous and strict. If you doubted what you knew, you’d lose it entirely. It was better to let it be, you decided that long ago.

Letting out a shaky breath, you nodded. “You’re right.”

“Are you okay?” Ashe asked again.

“Yeah,” you said, nodding. It wasn’t a lie, exactly. You just had to ignore this, shove it from your mind. Focus on other things. “Let’s go back to the monastery.”

[physicalturian]

[G] Gentle summer - Rengoku Kyojuro x GN!Reader - Part 6

[Contains spoilers from the movie, and the manga] [No pronouns used for the reader, no physical description; Everyone +18]

Words : 11 444

Archive of our own

Warnings : Mention of death / Mention of people getting killed GRAPHIC / Gore / Trauma / Fighting / Wounds / Blood / Lust

--- Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 -

The abruptness of the interruption on that night did not give me time to think, to ponder, nor to reflect on anything. With my crow in tow, I ran to the entrance of the village and grabbed the traveling necessities that were waiting for me with my sword. I took a few minutes to get changed in a proper slayer attire before letting myself be guided by Maro. It was an affectionate name I had given to the black bird that was now helping me find my way to where I was awaited.

Upon passing the final selection for the slayer training, they had provided each of the finalists with a bird. Most of them were crows; that was the only species I had met until crossing paths with the young Zenitsu who had been granted a sparrow. And like a sparrow, I was running at a fast pace to reach my mission point in time. Maro kept repeating the village name, it was the furthest I had ever been dispatched but considering that most of the Pillars were at the mansion, I was sent where none were. And, while I was sent alone and it felt odd to not be accompanied by another slayer, something else was on my mind on my way to the village where recruits were stuck.

I did not know how long it took me to reach the village, for I was lost in thoughts of what was happening somewhere else.

Earlier tonight, when our crows announced each of our missions, I had felt my heart sink. Not only because I was separated from the one person I wanted nothing more but to embrace and keep close, but also because the hidden swordsmith village was under attack. If they had been found out, it meant the Butterfly Mansion could be at risk, it could be next. While I knew my orders, I kept feeling a pull, a need to go back and follow Rengoku to help the swordsmiths. Then, I could hear words echoing in my mind, “As long as we put our duty first,” was the only condition that had befallen upon us if the Fire Pillar and I wanted to be together.

I tried arguing with myself, while still making my way to the recruits, that it was not for Kyojuro that I wanted to go there. It was to help, to not feel useless while running through fields to find the shortest paths to reach the recruits’ village. Slowly, my inner turmoil was won over by my logic; the Pillars were assembled where the attack had occurred, I knew it. It was the obvious strategy they would have gone with, and there was no way they would lose. Yes, they will win, they are strong, I tried to convince myself. An image of Rengoku’s smile flashed in my head, my throat tightened in sorrow and worry started plaguing my mind. Perhaps I should go back to help, I thought. Foolish questions, that did not help said worry, started flooding my mind; were his wounds healed properly? Will he arrive in time? Is the attack a bait to get him there and to have Akaza finish what he started?

While those thoughts plagued my mind, I did not stop moving. Shortcuts were taken to get there faster, the urge to turn around and go back was very present at each turn that I took. But perhaps it was more the urge to join him in that battle and make sure he would come out of it unscathed.

But I never did.

I ran the entire night, only stopping to catch my breath and to make sure no one was following me. It took a toll on my body, my feet were killing me, so were my lungs and my throat, but having been trained by Gyomei gave me the endurance some lacked. The festival had long since been forgotten and as the sun started rising, I could catch a glimpse on the horizon of the familiar architecture of a village. Approaching it, a small sign where the words “Nakusaki Village” were written, greeted me. Relief flooded my body as I slowed down my pace and gripped the handle of my sword tight, calming my breath.

When I entered the village, it was deserted, not as welcoming as the well-carved wooden sign at the entrance. At least, that is what I thought at first. While I walked carefully along the paths, I could see people peeking from behind closed shutters, the faint draft of whispers echoing. I could not understand what was being said, but fear had made its way to all the inhabitants of this place, which only made them more appealing to the demon that had nested itself somewhere around.

Since the sun was rising, if the demon was still alive it had to be hiding somewhere dark. Upon thinking that exact thought, I noticed railway wagons that led to a mine. It did not take much brain to know this was the perfect hiding place for those cursed beings. Without needing much courage, I stepped forth and entered the dark place, hyper aware of my surroundings all while calming my breathing. I was welcomed by screams of terror and horrid sounds of something being ripped apart. Letting my mind wander to scenarios of what could be happening, was not smart, I had to stay focused, and that is what I did. My light, almost inaudible steps contrasted with the deafening screams that resonated against the small walls of the mine.

It took me some time to find the right path to reach what I could only describe as a lair from how wretched it smelled and how cozy it seemed for the demon. Right in front of me was hovering over the horrified look of one of the youngest recruits, a humanoid-shaped demon. It possessed a huge tail with a sharp teeth-filled mouth at the end. A water-like pattern was adorning the length of it until it met the base of its lower back. From there, it looked like the skin was breaking. It looked like cracks painted all over its hide skin. Could it be that it is dying already? It is not a lower-moon six, nor is it a high-moon either. It is weak…

When its clawed hand reached out for the head of the recruit, I sped towards it and cut its hand before grabbing the man and pulling him out of the demon’s reach. Morishita Daisuke was the distraught slayer’s name. He was only a few years younger than I was, but the difference in experience between the both of us was a lot larger than the years separating us. “Either be a bait and bring him out, or get out-“ with a shaky voice and while stammering, he shook his head. “I can’t, there are others scattered in the mine, we need to find them!”

Nodding in reply, I avoided hits from the demon in front of me and gritted through my teeth, “Very well, let’s take him down first. Then we will find them-“ My speech was cut short when the demon sped behind Daisuke and grabbed him by the hair, making the man yelp in pain. “It’s not very nice to make plans without me- a bit cocky to even think you can defeat me,” He leaned in, his tongue out in a disgusting fashion as the recruit tried to pry its hand away from his hair. Slowly, the demon lifted him off the ground and dove to bite his neck. I reacted fast and flashed forward, cutting the hand holding Daisuke up, making him drop the slayer without having much say in it. It grew back.

A thud echoed when the young recruit’s knees hit the ground, he rushed to the walls of the mine to get out of my way, a hand covering his neck and his mouth. “You are pestering me, it is good, it makes the weakling more fearful. That will give him more flavor!” It exclaimed happily, clapping its huge hands together as its eyes wandered all over Daisuke’s body before suddenly looking at me. It was inhumane, the way it turned its head at almost 180°, but I was in no way fearful. “Perhaps I should make you struggle in front of him, you are his elder, are you not? I can see the way your eyes-“ It snapped its claws in front of me, I did not blink. Nor did I flinch. I do not think it saw the way I clenched my hand around the handle of my sword, but I did, ready to attack.

It approached me suddenly, yet in a manner that showed it had perfect control over its body. There were no useless motions, only calculated ones. Its face was now right in front of mine, “You are not afraid- it wouldn’t be fun to eat you right now…” The veins on its head were prominent, and blood was falling from the side of its monstrous mouth. The demon’s tone fell, “I will play with you a bit more, make you scream, make you cry for help, make you talk. You are not very talkative-“ “It is quite hard to have a conversation when one is keen on doing all the talking, would you not say, demon?”

It sucked its teeth, its tongue drawing over each of them as a threatening smile made its way on its face. “Let’s be polite, we are the same, are we not? Just a different diet. I am Masahiro, pleased to meet you-“ It laughed loudly after saying so, not believing a word it had sputtered. A hand on its stomach, another on its head, it leaned back laughing, “It was a good one- oh it was good, as if I wanted to know any of you. You do not ask your steak what its name is-“ “You are right, that would lead to empathy. This is where we differ. Emotions. Living beings feel them, a large range too. Not just… insatiable hunger,”

Its eyes widened for a second, before smirking. I did not let it speak, I had encountered enough demons to know what was going on, “Because the hunger you feel, is insatiable. It will only grow and grow and grow- until only one thing can stop it. But you will never get it, you are too weak for him,” I changed the grip on my sword, watching the demon falter for a second. All it did in response was laugh once again before reaching for Daisuke, but the slayer fought back and cut its arm off before running far from the creature, it caught Masahiro off guard. “I have met demons like you. Desperate to prove themselves to Muzan… To obtain more of his blood,” I trailed off, feeling the anger seeping from the demon standing in front of me.

It suddenly moved to crawl on the walls before standing on the ceiling where beams were keeping everything stable. One wrong move, one hit too strong and it could all come tumbling down. “Such a talkative steak, I guess I’ll eat you unseasoned-“ With a firm tone, I continued, “They either crumble in tears, begging to die, unable to take more of his blood or-“ The demon jumped from the ceiling and towards me, mouth wide open, his expression turned enraged and desperate at the same time. That demon was weak; if my words were so quick to irate it, it was not meant to be in the ranks of Muzan, far from it.

As it jumped, I bent my knees for more stability and slashed its head with ease. It did not scream, but I knew it was still alive for a few minutes, so I continued, “Or they act desperately, getting in over their head and making the silliest mistakes from letting their emotions take over,” I stated, wiping my sword on its inanimate body as Daisuke skewered the demon’s head on his sword, “You were turned recently; if not, you would have known demons are indeed still very humane. At least parts of them… The emotions are there, your main traits as human are stronger when turned. And I was able to bait you because you were weak, desperate for praise, desperate to belong,” I gestured for Daisuke to follow me. We made our way outside, the demon’s head still on the recruit’s sword while I dragged its body.

Tears started rolling down the demon’s disintegrating face. Its expression was grimaced as it uttered, “I failed them, please find my siblings- she took them, the fox-mask demon in… the mine, please,” Its mouth was no more, and soon enough, the rest of its head followed as it disappeared into dust. The sun had done its job and until it was time for the moon to take its spot in the sky, we had to prepare for more demons to come out of the mine later.

Before doing anything too draining, I took care of Daisuke’s wound, making sure he would not bleed out. The wound was not deep which made the treatment easier. I then knocked on the villagers’ doors to tell them they could come out for a few hours until sunset. It took some convincing, but with the right arguments they listened to me. I was provided paper, ink and a pen upon my request and quickly drafted the beginning of a report before folding it and putting it in my bag. After that, I was on the move with Daisuke as we ventured inside the mine to find the right path for the fox-masked demon.

All the paths we took led to nothing. Some led to cul-de-sacs, others to the open air. We had to come and go out of the mine to get some fresh air and eat, all the while drawing a map of all our twists and turns. I was no mapmaker, but Daisuke was worse. I had assigned him on lamp duty, he also had the responsibility of paying a lot more attention to the smell, in case gas leaked.

Around 4PM, we came out of the mine for good to have dinner with the villagers. They were kind and welcoming, guiding us back inside and thanking us for our work. Little did we know a routine would settle from all of this.

We had planned on waiting outside of the mine for the demon to come out; both Daisuke and I were taking turns keeping an eye out in case it showed its face. It never did that night. It left us confused as the sun slowly rose, the villagers fast asleep while we stood at the entrance with a frown. “Do you think it left?” He asked, but it was more to find logic out of this confusing behavior than to hope. “Daisuke, make yourself comfortable, we have a playful demon on our hands. We will keep looking for the other members, and hope for the best,” I stated as I guided him back inside, scoffing mentally at my mention of hope.

Now safe thanks to the sunshine, we prepared ourselves to go back to the mine on the second day, ready to look for the missing recruits. Before leaving, I took some time for myself to update my report before pulling out a new piece of paper and starting,

July 3rd

Dear Kyojuro,

I have come to the realization that this mission might last longer than initially expected, I cannot express how painful it feels to not be by your side the demon I am facing is tricky, but I will defeat it and bring back our recruits alive and well.

My heart feels heavy after parting from you at the fireworks viewing, I must admit I crave for your touch I enjoyed myself greatly and hope to see you soon. I miss your warmth at nightDaisuke has nightmares and is loud at night, but I am helping him the best I can… It helps him when I sing and it reminds me of you.

I do recall you had been summoned upon the attack on the blacksmith village on the night of our departure, no one could have predicted this happening.

Many scenarios plague my mind, worrisome ones. You are strong, and so are the other Pillars, yet it would relieve me greatly to hear from you, to hear that you are doing well…

Tell me you won,

Thinking of you, always,

Songbird…

Folding both the papers, I wrote Master Ubuyashiki’s name on the report, and Rengoku’s, on the personal letter addressed to him.

The days that followed were the same, none were fruitful in finding the fox-masked demon nor the recruits. The village welcomed us even if I could sense that everyone was tense, vigilant, afraid. Those latter feelings only made the situation worse, knowing the appeal it had for demons to see fearful preys. Daisuke showed great optimism and bravery, he reassured the villagers to the best of his abilities and made them laugh at dinner to lighten the mood. As bad as it was to think as such, I knew Rengoku would have done a great job at giving those people hope. At reassuring them… at reassuring me.

My hopes in finding the recruits alive were slim, but seeing Daisuke’s hope, or perhaps despair, pushed me to keep looking. While his actions and words displayed confidence, he could not hide the way his eyes flickered at every sound or the way they would fill with pure fear when we would come across another dead-end. Perhaps the demon has taken a liking to them, perhaps they are not dead… yes, perhaps.

July 8th

Dear Kyojuro,

I have not heard from you since I have written my first letter, I hope you are well. You must have heard of my daily reports at the estate, nothing was going as planned, until today!

We have found two recruits. It is an odd situation for it seems they were released purposedly… I must investigate deeper into the matter, but it matters not to you, I am ranting.

I find myself sleeping poorly without your presence. It sounds foolish, but I really miss you Tonight I will be sleeping with the two recruits alongside Daisuke, it is going to be an eventful night. I will not hold their hands while they sleep, but I will keep an eye on them. I wish I was holding your hand.

Have you ever thought of retiring? Without many people to talk to, my thoughts often drift to the end of this war… I can imagine myself at peace, with you by my side, maybe a dog as our loyal companion? I have never asked you which you preferred, dogs or cats? I long to talk with you again, for more time with you…

I long to hear your voice too, your laughter I miss the most…

Write to me, I am a wreck riddled with worry I can’t sleep at night, I fear I will receive a letter stating you passed I am bad at writing, I realize not all thoughts that cross my mind must be written, but I do miss you greatly.

I must say, I always believed I had a gift for writing but when it comes to you, all I want to write is that I yearn for your touch, that you are my one that you are wonderful, and oh so handsome…

Please, write to me my love

Thinking of you, always

Songbird

Days passed in a flash. With more people to cover the ground, one would think it would have been easier to find the remaining slayers, but all we found was the remains of one. There was nothing we could do upon stumbling over the maimed body on the floor but drag it out of the cave and bury it the best we could with the help of the villagers. We made sure to put a stone on the ground where the body was buried, to later move it for a proper burial on the grounds of the estate where Master Ubuyashiki could pray.

I did not get wind of any activity from the estate during those fast-passing days, no letter, no coded message, no crow sent my way, nothing. My hope faltered, the scenario in which the man I loved did not survive was now the one I thought was the most probable. I hated it. My guts were churning, and I could feel my determination waver too. Because of that, I made sure to force myself not to think about anything but the demon in the village.

On the morning of the twelfth, my heart jumped in my chest as my gaze settled on the incoming crow in the sky. It was not Master Ubuyashiki���s, this one seemed more familiar somehow. I watched it fly around a moment before it took notice of me and dove to set itself on my forearm. Taking the paper attached to its feet, I gave it a treat before slithering back inside and waving it off before hurrying to open the paper. My hands were gripping the letter tight as I read,

12th July

My dearest, we won,

I must apologize profoundly for not writing to you earlier, we have been assigned the training of the recruits. It does take quite the toll on the body to take care of the young minds! They are so lively and determined, all a great addition to the corps.

I read your letters over and over, trying to find the words Your letters made me the happiest man on earth, I am deeply grateful for your kind words and share your sentiments. Oh, to be the young Daisuke and to be sung to sleep by your gentle voice… It has been so long since I have heard you sing, and since I have held you close to me, I want you.

Eternity by your side sounds delectable I am sure we could settle somewhere quiet once this is over. Shall we start thinking of a name for our future life companion? It is an activity better kept for when you are by my side again, I cannot wait for your return, to take a good look at your beauty and relish in it, to have you flustered against me upon feeling my touch come home to me soon!

Tell me my darling, would you prefer to live in the lively city or the countryside? I’d like to think that sunsets are best enjoyed in the countryside, it would give me more opportunities to drown in your caresses without the gaze of people the quiet will find us better there too.

Patiently waiting for you return,

Thinking of you, always,

K. Rengoku

I had not realized I had been crying until the paper had been tainted a few tones darker by my tears. Hurriedly, I wiped them with a laugh of relief. Leaning on the wall, with only my shoulder resting against it, I took some more time to read everything all over, trying to decipher what had been scribbled out. Moving towards the window, I brought the paper higher under the light to maybe see through the ink and felt my cheeks warm up at the words I could read. It did not take long for my brain to think,what if he had done the same? What if he could see under what I scribbled out?

Just like Kyojuro, I had not been as meticulous as I could have been in writing my feelings. With the number of thoughts that had been crossing my mind, it had taken me a few tries to write the proper words, those that were not too much but still portrayed how I felt for the swordsman. My main struggle in writing down what I felt, was keeping to myself the word ‘love’. I suppose if he did not mention anything, it means he did not manage to read under the ink, maybe he did not even try, I thought.

To tell him that I loved him and wanted to spend the rest of my life by his side would have come across too strong. I also surprised myself when the thought of sitting on my very own veranda on a winter night with a warm drink in hand felt the most attractive with him by my side.

The final product of our effort seemed clean enough for an exchange between friends, lovers, but never would it be accepted as a report. As I read his words again, the smile on my face never left. I started daydreaming for a few seconds before being snatched out of said daydream by the recruits telling me it was time to continue the search party.

Their spirit was not deterred in the slightest, even after days without finding anyone or any clue. Today and the following one, however, had turned into something closer to a chase. A game of a sort, trying to find where the sound was coming from.

When we stepped inside the familiar dark grotto, the voice of something tenebrous resonated. It did not seem to come from one specific spot which made it harder to pinpoint. Because of that, it took us around an hour to finally find where the sound was coming from. There in front of me was another young recruit, Hana I believe was her name. She seemed frightened but not starved, which was odd considering the length of time she had stayed inside the mine. In the darkness, right behind her, something moved and dug underground before disappearing.

When it was gone, I rushed to her side and helped her stand, dusting off the dirt from her form and whistling for everyone to come out, signaling I had found something.

This was on the day of the 14th of July. That sight, of a demon helping one of our recruits out, was what bewildered me the most and made me reconsider my next steps. That demon did not have the fox mask, which means it was not the one we were looking for. Perhaps one of its lackeys had taken pity on the members of the corps? I wrote down my thoughts in my report, not missing a detail before finishing it and deciding to send a letter back to Rengoku.

14th July

Dear Kyojuro,

I have never been more relieved to see your crow than I was a few nights ago when it delivered your letter. I was finally able to sleep Knowing that you are alive and well made most of my worries disappear. I cannot help but still think of your safety while away, for now knowing you are alive will suffice.

Reading your enthusiasm to be sung to sleep brought a smile to my face, I promise I will sing to you once more when we see each other again. How are you sleeping? How is your wound? I must say, I miss waking up to your beautiful golden gaze and the warmth it brings to be the object of your attention… Of your desire Sometimes I dream of losing myself in those fiery eyes as I lean in to kiss you

The countryside seems like the best choice. The fresh air will be more than welcome after long nights spent together… great for our battle-tired bodies. I am sure we will need an enormous garden, or a vast field nearby, for our future companion.

On a bolder note… I do miss the way your hair feels against my cheeks when you lean in for a kiss… And to have your hands on my body in mine at night, to feel your body against mine as you hold me close, is what I crave. Wilder, more wishful, more sinful thoughts crossed my mind, but I would feel inappropriate sharing them at the moment…

Do not overexert yourself. If I find out you overdid it, I will come in running and put you to rest myself!

Thinking of you, always

Your songbird

As I folded the letter properly, I already started regretting the latter words I had written. Had I been too bold? But then again, from the scribbled-out words, he felt the same and it made me smile knowing so. Stepping towards my bag, I dove my hand in to find some twine to tie the letter but was met with a piece of paper.

Pulling it out, I was struck with remembrance of the fireworks night; it was the paper the artist had given me. From the rush I was in that night, I had forgotten to take a look at it. Curious, I unfolded the parchment and felt my heart soar at the sight. She had drawn us getting prepared, me in front of him taming his hair as he gazed at me with a loving look, at least that is how I saw it. His hands were resting on my hips and mine were in his hair, both of us smiling stupidly.

While I felt pure happiness seeing that picture, it was also accompanied by nostalgia and longing. To return by his side and have him close to me, I needed to find that demon and take it down. It fueled a certain determination in my being, but the confusion the demon’s behavior brought did not leave.

A meeting with the recruits had been organized to talk about what we would do next.

That day, while still being vigilant outside the mine, we did not go back inside. If our theory was right, the demon was keeping them alive. The reason for it was unknown, but Hana told us she was certain other recruits were talking inside the mine, she could hear the echo of their voice from where she was kept. From that, we planned our next move.

The following days, it was in the early morning that Kyojuro’s bird flew in with a reply. I was surprised by the rapid reply, yet was filled with immense joy upon reading it while having breakfast.

16thJuly

My heart,

I hope the weather is fine and you are well. For my part, I could use a warm bath, with you, from how tiring it is to train so intensely daily. The training is going smoothly. However, I must have been too hard on the trainees seeing some have broken in tears. Or perhaps it was the pressure from having, a few hours prior, been training with Sanemi? I wonder…

I will hold you to your promise of singing to me upon your return! The excitement is already present. Your gentle face, next to mine, wordlessly calling for my hand to caress it… Do not be fooled, I will cave in and do as it calls.

Your boldness surprised me in the most agreeable way… It would be a lie to say I did not feel the same. You are the first thought in my cloudy mind when I wake up, my heart and body long for you and your touch. I dream of your return safe and sound. I ache to trace my fingers on your disrobed back while you shiver, expectant and as beautiful as the first time I laid my eyes on you.

I wish I could see you at this very moment. Flustered, gaze askance, making sure no one is seeing what you are seeing… I like knowing you think of me almost as much as I do.

Would you care for a date in those fields we would own? I would gladly take you there every day, every morning if you so desire! We would lay a blanket on the ground and enjoy one another, in silence if that is your wish. I cannot promise I will stay silent, however.

Our companion would be running around, hunting, something we would have long since retired from. Oh, the dreams I have for you and me! I must share them with you at once, but the distance separating us prevents me from doing so… Come back, I miss you.

Perhaps I will exert myself if it’ll make you rush by my side… I am being playful! I do miss you dearly and hope you are well, not hurt and doing good.

When do you think you will come home?

Longing for you, always,

K. Rengoku.

He was absolutely right. I needed to fan my face upon reading his words, clearing my throat to try to compose myself. If I read it all again, I knew I would start chuckling like a fool at how enticing it all was. I was aware of his charms when I was with him, his subtle touches and his discrete smiles. Or even those mischievous glances here and there when there were other people around. But without those, he could only rely on his words, and he was awfully good with them. Even without body language, the man had me warm all over.

I stashed the letter away safely. There was no time right now to write him back, but I was planning on doing so soon.

The finding of the picture from the festival brought me a great deal of comfort. Every day I would look at it and be reminded of what was waiting for me ‘home’. But every day I would look at it, I would also be reminded of those light-hearted promises we were making of a nearby future, one after defeating Muzan. I was starting to find comfort in it, and it scared me.

With a sigh, I got ready for another day in the mines.

On the eighteenth, we encountered another demon in the mine. Daisuke was with the two recruits we had found at the beginning of the mission while I was paired with Hana. We got caught by surprise when, without any warning, without any sound, we got pushed forward. Both stumbling down and falling to our knees, we scurried to our feet and were now back-to-back, swords drawn out.

She worriedly asked me what we should do, her voice unwavering but draped in anguish. “It saw us without the light, which means we are at a disadvantage. We are going to need to use other senses than sight-“ I winced when I felt stinging pain from the middle of my back to the side of my hip. I couldn’t see much but knew the demon must have clawed me when pushing us. Dawdling on it would do no good, I had to stay focused on what I could do. “You must have trained with the Stone Pillar, correct?” She nodded, making a small sound of agreement. “Close your eyes, take a deep breath and focus on sensing its presence more than on seeing it. Feel it, sense it, hear it,” I paused, huffing a laugh, “Smell it if you will, young Tanjiro does so,” I said softly.

It made her laugh which was reassuring. If she found the strength to laugh at this, it meant she was not as stressed as I thought her to be. Or that it was a nervous laugh.

A deadly silence slowly set in. The only sound that echoed from time to time was the metallic one of our hands moving our swords in the hope of slashing the beast that was lurking in the shadow. A few attempts failed to succeed, making us think even more about our next move. I did not know what it looked like, only that it relied on darkness to have the upper hand. Was the demon perhaps bad at close-hand combat? Or feared the light? Those were my only theories.

“If I had known darkness was you slayers’ weakness, you would have been taken out a lot sooner,” The voice travelled from each of our sides, making it weirder when we could hear it on two opposite ends of the cave. “Well, well, well, look who it is! I recognize your smell,” Its voice dropped, then I heard Hana yelp before she exclaimed, “I got it! I’m holding it by the throat- I think?” she said unsure. It has approached her, remembering what her fear smelled like.

At that very moment, I felt something next to me and reached out for it with my hand, gripping it tight. It was harder than human skin, but still malleable. “I hope we are holding the same thing, because I am also touching something and-“ I started, a sardonic laugh interrupted me, it came from above. Then joined in other laughter, more constricted ones. This time it was coming from the things we were gripping tight. “Boo!” Another voice boomed next to me, I let go of the thing I was holding and gripped my sword tighter, brandishing it and taking a deep breath, “So, you are not alone,” I stated.

“You can put two and two together! Unexpected from the fools who cannot for the life of them defend themselves in complete darkness,” It scoffed condescendingly. Matching its attitude, I kept my back against Hana’s and changed the position of my sword, “Tell me, how did you come up with that conclusion?” I asked, my tone calculated. Being at a disadvantage for now put me in a dreadful situation, but while the demon thought we were useless in the dark, we knew what to do. I nudged Hana with my elbow for her to pay attention, “Our senses are trained, we hear better,” Listen “You keep talking, yapping,” I’ll keep talking, “Giving us more time to come up with a plan,” I came up with a plan. Laughing loudly, I moved brusquely, the sound of the lantern on the ground gone unnoticed from my forced laugh.

“Pay close attention,” I really hoped she was paying attention and getting what I was hinting at, “It is obvious you find comfort in utter darkness, which points out the obvious weakness, not only of the sun, but also of… fire,” At my word, Hana smashed the lantern on the ground, splattering the oil and setting it ablaze with the remaining weak flame.

The room lit up and we could see the demon’s face, or faces, finally. Surprise adorned our features when we were met with familiar faces. Three of them, sticking out of the wall, the ground and the ceiling. Those faces, from missing recruits, were attached to long necks that disappeared in the stone, but all led to what looked like a beating heart on the upper corner of the cave.

Noticing we had seen its heart, the demon attacked in a wild manner, reaching for us. Hana reacted first by using her Mountain breathing and slicing its heads fast. I had now approached the living, beating organ. Fire was making the room hotter by the second, I was sweating and had started breathing more raggedly. “Its heads grew back!” She exclaimed.

Not losing time, I slashed the organ, earning a pained scream from the demon. It started insulting us over and over, while I called for Hana in a distraught fashion. She rushed to my side, her face dirtied from the mines and the soot from the fire.

“Three of them, they were in its stomach? We need to get them out of here quickly-“ “I can carry two of them! You are wounded, so I’ll carry two out,” Hana hurriedly said as we pulled them out of the stomach-like pouch. They were slimy and smelled atrociously, but there was no time to be squeamish at such a drastic time. I then helped set the passed-out people on her back and made sure she was steady before carrying the last one on my back. “Let’s hurry, we should have someone rush down here to take out the fire,”

With that, we made our way out but not before slashing the demon one last time to make sure it was dead. We even dragged what we could see of the body, in the fire, to quicken the process.

Each step I took made my back hurt, I could feel the blood dripping to my side and my head getting dizzy, but I held on until we reached the outside of the mine. Both Hana and I fell to our knees upon feeling the fresh air; we carefully laid the recruits on the ground. The villagers did not think twice before running towards us, helping us get everyone inside. It was still day, which was reassuring. Hana still sent her crow inside the mine to call back the other slayers.

We ended today’s search on a high note. Three more recruits had been found; two had woken up, one did not make it.

I was lucky to have made it out conscious with the blood loss I had endured. The village’s doctor treated my wound with care, it’s only when he was done that I let myself relax and fell asleep. Two other recruits were sleeping in the same room I was sleeping in, I would only realize that when I’d wake up a few days later.

Haruka, one of the latest recruits we had found, was sitting by my side, writing his report. “Help me up,” I voiced, perhaps too sternly from how panicked his expression turned. Nodding, he scurried and put his own pillow behind my back. “I will call the doctor!” He exclaimed. I grabbed his arm with force before he could rush off, “Can I use your stationary? I would like to write my report,” and to write to my lover, but that was left unsaid.

He seemed confused but nodded, moving it my way. “I will tell old man Fumihiro to come-“ Chuckling, I cut him off, “SirFumihiro, he is your elder, is he not?”

The younger recruit’s face flushed red, “He said we could call him that, I am sorry,” He apologized so formally, I did not have the energy to tell him he could be more familiar. Instead, I dismissed him and started writing.

19thJuly

Kyojuro, my sun

I hope this letter finds you well. I truly feel your need for a bath right now, I could use one myself. Piping hot water would be submerging our enlaced bodies, your welcoming arms around my form… More sinful thoughts could be written, but I do not share your lack of fear of being inappropriate…

Far from me the idea of worrying you, thus I will first tell you I am well. We have found three more recruits, but the details do not matter… I was wounded, it will definitely leave a scar, but scars have some charm, do they not? Please tell me you like them

We were in the mines with Hana when we got caught off guard, the demon had the upper hand for a moment and managed to leave a gash scratch on my back. I am perfectly fine now, but I do not wish for you to fret. After all, I must take example of your formidable form and push through it, would you not agree?

Your letter left me a flustered mess; I will confess. If you must know, you are also my first thought in the morning… I could almost feel your fingers on my skin as I read your words.

I can imagine training left you a sweaty mess, I wish I was by your side to wash that untamable mane of yours. Is it sensitive? Would you like it if I pulled your hair? I hope you comb your hair! It would be a shame to have to shave it all off. I am joking, of course.

To help me fall asleep, I imagine us somewhere where the sun is high, and shade would be provided by an old willow tree. You would look the most beautiful with the moving shadows of leaves on your pretty face. How soothing the thought is, simply upon writing it… Do you think a painter would follow us on our adventures? To keep great memories from the places we would go to. Or should we train our painting skills a bit more?

A thought to ponder…

A date in a field with you by my side would be more than what I could hope for. I can already imagine dandelions adorning your hair from simply laying in the grass like the mad man that you are. It would be my greatest joy to take my time and remove them one by one. I would even go as far as call it an opportunity! For what you may ask, ah well… To run my fingers through your hair…

Maybe to let them trail to your neck, your shoulders… Helping your sleeves off your shoulders and pressing the faintest kiss on them. I will let your imagination do the rest, but I would suggest you wear a kimono on that date. For the heat would be unbearable, at best and excruciating if you put some thoughts into it.

This letter is getting longer than I expected. The things you do to my poor mind, it is filled with only thoughts of you and your gentle voice. One could lose themselves in those thoughts.

I cannot wait to return to you, to talk about the dreams you have for us.

If everything goes well, I will leave the village in two more weeks, at best.

Two more weeks until I see that familiar, kind, warm face of yours.

Yearning for you, always

Songbird.

As I sealed the letter, a weight settled in my stomach. Rengoku was not the type of man to leave someone simply for having a scar, I knew that. But I couldn’t stop thinking of how he mentioned trailing his finger over my back, and now that it had been wounded, he might not find it as appealing.

My hand trailed to the bandage around my form, slowly sliding to the highest point where it began before reaching the lowest one, on my hip. “It shows I have a tale to tell, and that I survived,” I said out loud, trying to convince myself. I was correct, but insecurities did not always make sense. You could not reason with them. So, instead of thinking more about it, I covered myself and wrote my report.

Soon after, the doctor entered my room and changed my bandages.

The moment I started arguing I could go back to the search party, I felt like Kyojuro when I told him to stay in bed. It made me chuckle for a moment, that is until the doctor threatened to tie me to the bed if I did not cooperate.

“Very well, can I least get dressed? To prepare the proper funeral for…” the dead one, the one that did not make it, the one I failed.

“A team of yours came here yesterday to bring the two bodies back to-“ He paused, not knowing where they were to be brought to. “Back where they’re supposed to be buried, I suppose…” He trailed off. From the look in his eyes, I could almost feel the sadness coming from him. A kind and empathic man stood in front of me, one that wondered what he did wrong for such a tragedy to befall his village.

Reaching for his hand, I shook it gently, “They knew it could happen, as awful as it sounds… Their family will be announced their passing soon, there is nothing you could have done or can do, now,” I had not realized how much seeing those two recruits die meant to me. I had not realized I felt responsible for them. We had been searching, day after day, drowning ourselves in work so much that I never had time to ponder more.

The stupidest “ifs” started crossing my mind, hypothetical things that could have changed the course of their life. What if we had kept searching during the night? What if I had turned to the left instead of the right at that time? What if I did not spend time writing silly letters, and instead focused more?

It was a spiraling abyss that would lead to nothing good, so I shook my head and focused on the old man in front of me. “Let us do what we do best, we will defeat the demon that nested inside the mines, you can trust us,” I nodded reassuringly before being hugged tightly and suddenly, by Fumihiro.

“You are so kind, all of you- so brave, you have been through so much. Is there anything we can do to repay you?” He asked as he pulled back from me, tears threatening to fall down. Please don’t cry, I do not know what to do if you start crying, I thought as I patted his shoulder. “You are doing more than we could ask for, taking care of our wounds, giving us shelter and feeding us,” I said with a smile, “All you have to do, is let us do what we do best, take down demons,” He nodded enthusiastically before standing up and telling me he would have someone bring me food.

I did not stay in bed long. The following day, I was back in the mines. It was against Fumihiro’s orders, but I could not stay still, and my wounds had healed up greatly.

We had found huge clues that could lead to the ‘mastermind’ as Daisuke would call it, on the 22nd of July. There were huge prints on the ground, they did not match any animals we could think of, so we made sure to leave our own markers around the area to not lose it in case the demon came back on its footsteps. That day we spent the entire night thinking of a plan to follow. I say the entire night, for we all fell asleep talking about it. I did not even have time to read the letter I had received from Rengoku.

That same night, while half of us were asleep, Jin, Uchiyama and Takeshi came in running. Those were the names of some of the recruits we had rescued.

In a panicked state, they started explaining that the demon had come out and was ransacking the village. We all stood up, sword in hand and ready to fight. Some were slower in getting ready, so I left the room without them and ran to the demon with the three recruits that had come in running.

“It is huge! There is a smaller one with it, but we can’t find it- what should we do?”

The obvious thing was, “Evacuate the houses, I will distract it. The others will join me soon enough, go,” I waved them off, they nodded and ran to the villagers’ houses, not taking time to knock on the doors. They barged in.

A thunder-like voice echoed high from the ground, “Look who it is, aren’t you the one who killed my dearest, oh so soft lackeys?” The pitch of the voice was higher than those I had encountered, “It was a stupid move of you demon, to kidnap slayers,” I stated, looking at the long-haired demon that stood on one of the rooftops of the house. Its feet dug inside the tiles, shattering them on the spot.

“Demon this, demon that, let’s be civilized, shall we? I am Suzumi Shiori, and you are?” The woman that stood in front of me, suddenly jumped off the roof and was now standing only steps away from me. She was taller than the demons I had encountered so far in the mine, she also differed from them by wearing a mask while the other did not. The fox mask the demon had mentioned. “I am about to take you down,” I breathed as I acted upon my words. Going to slash her neck, the woman-like demon stopped it without much struggle.

“Have they not taught you manners at your little-“ She gestured my way with disdain, “Hunter group? Or something along those lines...” Shrugging, she gripped my blade tighter, I could feel it straining under the strong grip. Taking a deep breath, I used my technique to cut her fingers off and step away from her. “Manners have no place when fighting barbaric beings like you,” I spat, holding back from wincing as I felt my wound sting. From the corner of my eyes, I could see the recruits had started gathering at different places around the village. It was furtive, a smart move to attack the demon by surprise.

Still looking at her ominous figure, I sternly called, “Hana, Jin, Aoyama, go back to the mines, find the four remaining slayers that disappeared,” They nodded and started running to the entrance, the demon named Shiori grunted and made her way to them but Daisuke barred her way and slashed at her stomach, only leaving a scratch. Yet, it was enough to make her step back as she lifted her mask to let it rest on the side of her head. “The rest, with me. We will take her down before any more damage can be done,”

I could hear Aoyama yelp behind me before being ushered back to the dark grotto with the two others.

The fight was a four versus one. All we needed to know was her ability and weakness, after that, it would be easy to defeat her.

“This is entertaining! I can see the cogs running inside those little brains of yours, so I’ll tell you my little secret,” She said in an overly jolly manner. Confidence was dripping off her demeanor, she did not seem an ounce worried for her life. “The easiest way to get your prey is to separate it from the group,” A devilish smile made its way on her lips as she sat down, legs crossed. She then raised her arms and the ground started moving with her, walls building around us, rising from the ground.

Before panicking, I had to assert I had some sort of control on the situation. “Don’t let your guard down, find each other,” As I prepared myself to slash the maze’s walls to not play her games, I heard Uchiyama’s voice echo along Daisuke’s, both saying the same information in different manners, “The walls are rock hard!” and “We cannot slash through the walls,” It ticked me off, I changed the hold on my sword and glanced at the sky to see what time it was, how long we had left.

A proud and sarcastic laugh echoed, the condescending tone never leaving her voice, “Come on! You better start now, or I will go back before sunset,” She cooed, “I am not moving, can you reach me?” It was a rhetorical question that did not have the need for us to pay attention. We hurried and started walking around the maze to reach her, her laugh reaching my ears once again, “You cannot think that is a serious strategy, try harder or you will not reach me in time,” Clapping her hands enthusiastically, she started cheering us on.

I could hear Takeshi and Daisuke getting annoyed, I did not know where they were, but they were complaining out loud. That did bring a smile to my face, even in the midst of all this mess. As time went on, I felt like I was running around in circles, and it was driving me mad. Step after step, my hand still on one wall to try to keep track of what I was doing, in vain.

“Captain!” I heard Daisuke call for me, he hardly called me by that title, but I said his name back and said I could hear him without mentioning anything. “The wall can’t be cut, but maybe we can cut the ground!” I snorted. It was a creative proposition, but we were no gravediggers, although he could try. Thinking outside the box was welcomed, no matter how foolish. Before I could tell him, the woman-like demon took the opportunity and spoke up, “How foolish can you be? Have you not connected the dots yet? Do I have to do all the work for you?”

What does she mean by that? I wondered. She had moved the ground, which meant it was part of her. She could not just move dirt like that, clearly she was not that powerful. And if she was the ground… What am I missing? I thought as I glanced at the sky once again to see how much time we had left. We could not find her in the mine, she kidnapped our recruits, kept them alive for some reason, that being the most confusing part. Why couldn’t we find her in the mine, but the others we could? She can move the ground- she is the ground; she is the mine?

I sent my slayers in the mine. They weren’t kept, they were being digested somehow.

I swore under my breath, “So that is your power,” I started in false confidence, pulling out my sword once again and taking a deep breath. “It is fine by me, my recruits will find your roots somehow-“ “They are probably dead by now, have you not noticed?” She asked, “The mines are closed, there is no escape and oh, will they feel good! For some reason, a lot of them have escaped, but that will go on no longer! I have had enough,” She exclaimed, slamming her hands on the ground, spikes coming out of the walls.

I managed to dodge them, but I could hear Takeshi’s grunts. “Takeshi, don’t move! We will come and get you,” I called out. He tried to reassure me, saying he was fine, but I could hear it in his voice that he was not in great shape. “You have one more lackey, do you not?” I asked the demon. Her face contorted in confusion, “Have you considered it was the one that helped my recruits escape?” She was caught off guard, shaking her head, “There is no one else, you have killed both of my dearest, oh-so-kind, so weak, so useless, subordinates,” Her expression was now hurt, faux hurt, but hurt, nonetheless.

Both of us were lost, if it was not her, what was it? As I pondered that thought, something grabbed my foot. I was surprised and looked down silently, sword at the ready. There stood the little demon I had seen earlier in my mission, the one that had brought Hana out. It brought its hand to its mouth and made a digging motion. Before I could comprehend, I found myself submerged by dirt and rocks. The demon dragged me through the ground before peeking its head out and gesturing for me to come out without a sound.

So, it was the one responsible for their survival? Had she not noticed its existence? I knew it was a demon, but it did not kill. I did not know what its endgame was, but I looked at it a moment before mouthing ‘thank you’. It almost looked flustered before disappearing underground. “Have you lost yourself once again? I am sure mice would be smarter than you slayers. A pity. Smarter people are so much tastier, but I guess there is not changing your little brain this late in the meal, now is there?” I could hear her from up close.

The little demon had brought me close enough that I could take her down. I heard Uchiyama reply to her, determined, “I’ll let you know I’m smarter than Takeshi! Just because you think we can’t find the end of that stupid maze of yours, does not make us stupid!” He said with his voice bursting with assurance. I did not know what he was doing, but it felt like he was getting her attention. It was the perfect moment to strike.

Taking a deep breath, I thought of the best course of attack and used my 5th breathing style. The demon named Shiori turned in pure shock, her face lighting up with fear. Before she could react, I struck her neck hard. It was resistant at first, but I could feel my blade dig in the hide-like skin. I heard her breathe, baffled and stunned, “How?”

I smiled, “There was a mole, it seems,” I did feel proud of that joke, but the demon did not get it. “I don’t get it- I-“ Her walls started falling off, disappearing. And as they did, I looked at the mine, which was fading away too, disintegrating. I heard Daisuke join Takeshi’s side, helping him up and taking a look at his wound, good. In the thrill of having taken her down, I had forgotten she had risen herself on a wall of her own making, that same wall that was falling apart.

Both of us fell to the ground, her head in my hand and her body under mine, making my fall less painful. Waiting patiently for her to disappear, I looked around and saw the little demon that had helped me, it popped out of the ground with people behind it, my people. Turning the woman-like demon’s head, I showed her, “There, that’s the reason you’re defeated. How does it feel? The weakest are still pretty useful when you do not pay attention, wouldn’t you agree?” I asked, too cocky. I do not know why I was feeling so elated. Was it because I could finally return home? Or because she had killed two of my recruits, and had finally paid the price?

“I thought I had killed you!! Traitor!” She barked, her face adorning hideous traits. The small demon looked at her without any expression, it stared a moment before scurrying off, back underground. “That rat, that idiot, I knew I should have made sure it was-“ Her words were cut off, her face slowly turning into dust.

We waited a few more minutes for the sun to rise. A new day was ahead of us, and we had a lot to do. For now, we would go back inside and rest, for nothing could be done in the state we were in.

That night, we fell asleep peacefully. Hana insisted on keeping an eye out just in case, while we slept.

The next morning, we started working on fixing the village. The death of the fox-masked demon had left holes in the mines, odd ones that led to unknown places. Some roofs were damaged, walls too. Our large number made the reparations take a lot less time than they would have.

The four recruits we had found the previous night were sleeping peacefully, watched over by Fumihiro.

Days and days of hard work busied us. It was not until the 27th July that I found time to read Rengoku’s letter and reply to it.

22nd July

My love, my dear,

My heart jumped in my chest at the mention of you getting hurt. There is no point in feeling bad upon not being there to stop it, but I cannot help it… If I had been there you would not have been in pain. You told me you were doing fine, and I believe you. Scars are battle medals, it means you have fought and lived to tell your story. The scars that adorn your body are like the stars that adorn the night sky, beautiful and mesmerizing.

If you would allow it, I would like to show you how much I still adore you and your body, even if scarred… Upon your return, I will worship you, with the utmost respect, unless you wish for else.

To hire a painter to follow us on our journey is a great idea! But they would have to look away when I will not be able to hold back from kissing you all over. I will not let you go one minute once we retire. Just like ivy on a tree.

Dandelions can tangle my hair, I would not care for I would need not to make a wish. Having you by my side is my only desire. And there is nothing I could ask for more than to have your hands on my body at all times. Hair, shoulders, hands… Everywhere is welcome for your touch, my body is screaming for your touch.

For someone with a strong desire to be appropriate, your promiscuous words left me wanting more. I will hold you onto that promise… And to answer your question, although it was scribbled over, the answer is yes. Do what you will with that piece of information, my love.

The trainees are working hard, so hard I almost struggle to keep up with them. If you were there, I am sure we could manage them with more ease, your presence would give me the energy I lack to match their attitude. Everyone is working very hard. It is hard work to keep them all determined, but you must know I am a determined man. I will have them keep hope and be ready by the time of the battle.

Two weeks away from holding you close, I cannot wait for your return,

I will finally rest easy once I have you by my side,

Lovingly,

K. Rengoku

I missed him dearly, and as I read his letters, all of them, I pondered how long I could hold myself from telling him I loved him. Having him wish for a peaceful life together at the end of all this left me wanting that too. I feared matching his hopefulness, I feared wanting a future. Not because it was one with me, but because if in that future he was not with me, I do not think I could live without him.

27thJuly

My love,

We have found the remaining recruits; it is a relief to announce we will be departing shortly to return home.

I must apologize for the late reply from your previous letter. After defeating the demon behind all of this, we had to take care of the damage it had done. I am grateful to have been accompanied by everyone as we repaired everything, it made the process a lot faster.

The proper words have a hard time coming to me. Your words still echo in my mind, I cannot express how much they meant to me. If it is of any usefulness, know that I feel the same about you. No matter the state this war leaves you in, I will love you just the same. It sounds awful said as such, but it is true. As optimistic as we can be, we cannot know for sure if we will make it.

I will not let you worship my body until I have done the same to yours. Words cannot portray the depth of my craving for your touch, for your presence. The comfort of your being is what I long for, but to hear you say my name barely above a whisper is what I yearn for. Oh, to be back on that veranda where we can enjoy our breakfast together… I miss you.

As for the piece of information… I will use it as I worship you, my only God.

That piece of information you share will be more than useful in time…

I will help you with the recruits, for we might need to train ten more as I bring them back from the Nakusaki village. More fun is bound to follow, would you not think?

I will be writing you a letter on the day of my departure,

Thinking of you, Missing you every moment,

Songbird

As promised, a few days later, before receiving any letter from Rengoku, I was packing everything. It was hard to coordinate everyone, but we managed. The villagers thanked us, asking us if we needed anything more before we left. They offered us some of their most valuable belongings, but we would not take it. There was no need, was what we told them.

Before leaving, I had sent a last letter.

30thJuly

My dear Kyojuro,

I am returning to the mansion.

We will be departing the village today, after one last meal with the villagers. We might take more time to return than it took me to arrive, some of us are in pretty bad shape.

We will probably arrive on the 1st of August,

I cannot stand still at the thought of seeing you again,

Impatiently yours,

Your songbird

[Part 7]

[lifeofroos]

A/N: The prompt was ‘Percy, Annabeth and Clarisse have a fight and the Olympians interfere.’ I liked it :)

AO3 - KoFi

The Olympians

‘Athena. Poseidon. Ares. What an… absolute pleasure to find all of you huddled together like this.’

Athena peered at her brother. ‘Spare us the sarcasm, Dionysus. What do you want?’

The god took an exceedingly long amount of time to study his fingernails before turning back to his family. ‘Remember, during the Olympian meeting a little while back…’

‘Which one? Hurry up.’

‘I was giving you all examples of misbehaviour your kids conducted and quite a few of the gods, including the three of you, said I should just send in their parents next time, see what they can change.’ He took a deep breath, losing all of the smugness for a moment. ‘Your kids. All of them, led by Perseus Jackson, Annabeth Chase and Clarisse la Rue. They’ve got a quarrel, and I have to admit the three of you might be better equipped to stop it. I drive them apart and next week they are at it again - I hope, perhaps, when you three say something about it, they’ll learn their lesson for good.’

Ares and Poseidon began to grin. Athena repressed the urge. ‘Is that all you want, Dionysus?’

‘You never know, do you, sister?’ he answered, all the previous bravado back on show. 

Athena rolled her eyes. ‘We’ll deal with them.’

‘You should have asked us before,’ Poseidon said. ‘Too stubborn?’ 

Dionysus shrugged, unwilling to answer. Ares ruffled through his brothers’ hair. ‘I knew there’d be a point where you couldn’t handle them.’

Dionysus pushed the locks out of his face, so he could look while his family members strided off. Ah, the duality of men: Both wanting them to fail so they knew it wasn’t as easy as they made it out to be, and wanting them to succeed so that those kids would finally stop attacking each other over flags. 

-

Percy crouched next to Annabeth, the red flag clutched against his chest. ‘Where are they?’

‘Sh!’

‘Okay, okay…’ 

‘Sh, then!’

She peeked past her cabin, at the baricade she presumed the Ares kids were hiding behind. She felt the adrenaline course through her veins. ‘We’re getting that flag back.’

Clarisse, on the other side, did the same thing. ‘Punk thinks she won? Well, she can prove it.’ 

One of her brothers was running his hands over the smooth fabric of the blue flag. ‘I was there first,’ he mumbled to himself. ‘I caught the flag and brought it back first. We won.’

‘Shut it,’ Clarisse said through gritted teeth. ‘I know we won. We just need to prove it…’ 

Her voice ebbed away when a bright light appeared. Everyone shut their eyes, shielding themselves against the light. 

When the light dimmed, Annabeth gasped. ‘Mother?’

‘What?’ Percy forgot to temper his voice. He pushed Annabeth away, so he could look at the three gods that appeared on the field.

Athena put her hands on her hips. ‘Well? I don’t see anything.’

Ares sighed. ‘Perhaps Dionysus, our little drama queen, was being just that: A drama queen. Like always.’ 

Poseidon looked around for longer before pulling conclusions: ‘Percy?’

He slowly got up from behind the makeshift barricade. ‘Dad?’

Athena scoffed. ‘A little more respect.’

‘...Dad, my lady, my lord?’ Percy mumbeld, with his eyebrows raised in slight mockery. ‘With all due respect, may I ask why all of you are here?’

Athena raised her chin. ‘First, I’d like to see that my children are really involved in this conflict, or if you are stirring up trouble on your own.’

‘And mine,’ Ares demanded. 

In a daze, the Athena and Ares children stepped out into the open. One of the Athena kids pulled the red flag out of Percy’s hands. 

Annabeth took a deep breath. ‘Mother, lord Poseidon, lord Ares,’ she addressed them, with a little nod every time, ‘May I ask, why do you require our attention?’

For a few seconds, none of them really knew what to say, until Athena pulled herself together: ‘My daughter, it has come to our attention that there is a dispute going on.’

‘I assure you it is nothing the gods could ever want to be involved with,’ Percy muttered. 

‘It’s not really what one would call of great importance,’ Clarisse agreed from the other side. ‘If those little oohoo’s just agreed that we won, this would be easily resolved.’

‘Keep dreaming. We won.’

‘Won what? A battle? Is this about loot?’ Ares inquired.

The campers gave each other uncomfortable looks. ‘Well, it’s about… eh… capture the flag.’

There were no words for a couple of seconds. ‘You have been fighting each other over who won a stupid game? And that has been happening every single week?’ Poseidon asked. 

‘...perhaps… oh crud, the Apollo’s are coming over!’ One of the Ares kids yelled. 

Athena stamped her foot on the ground. ‘No longer. This… nonsense has to stop right now and I never want to hear another peep about it.’

‘Dionysus has been saying the same thing. It’ll probably happen again next week,’ Percy said to no-one in particular.

Athena had to remind herself that Poseidon was right there to stop herself from learning the kid a lesson. ‘Not anymore.’ She raised her arm. ‘One more dispute about this… this nonsense, and you are all getting classes on proper behaviour, you hear me?’

The kids nodded, suddenly all looking a little afraid. 

‘One more question: has Dionysus really been unable to stop all this?’

‘He has tried,’ Clarisse muttered. ‘Quite harshly.’ She shrugged. ‘Yet the little oohoo’s didn’t stop, so neither did we.’

‘Now…’

Athena took a sharp breath. ‘Annabeth, stop it. All of you are coming in, tomorrow, for a class. I’ll take care of it. Don’t ask what Dionysus thinks of that. I’ll... convince him.’ With a bang, Athena disappeared. Ares and Poseidon followed quickly after, leaving a group of astonished campers behind. 

-

As they entered Olympus, Ares spotted Dionysus. With a single swipe he smacked him against a wall. ‘Fix it yourself next time.’

‘I thought you were going to make sure there was no next time.’

‘And learn what consequences are.’

Athena coughed. ‘Ahem. Dionysus, they’ve got a class from me tomorrow. About decorum.’

The god gave her a little smile, before teleporting back to the camp. ‘And thanks,’ was the last thing they heard him say.

‘Children,’ Athena muttered, as she stalked off. ‘Am I glad I never was like that.’

A/N: An Oohoo is a type of owl, right? It’s ‘oehoe’ in Dutch, google translate says English is ‘oohoo.’

I've got two more prompts: One about Clarisse going to school after she's been claimed, and one about Clarisse comforting her brothers after a battle. They'll be out soon, I already got rough drafts.

[wheresmybuckyhoes]

The 3 forbidden words

Summary: What does Bucky do when you accidently let slip the 3 words everyone fears to say first in a relationship?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Warnings: Angst, loss of loved ones, swearing, references to sex, depression, numbness

This is another wonderful ask from @summerdaughter. This is quite an angsty fic, but as promised I ended it with a lot of fluff. Enjoy my lovelies x

*2 years ago*

You let out a satisfied sigh as you finished leafing through the mission briefing, sliding a rusted paper clip onto the thick stack of paper to hold it all together. You tossed it carelessly onto your bed side table, reaching over with a small groan to switch of the night light. You fell back into the warm embrace of your bed, eyes fluttering shut. Finally some rest. Finally you can silence your thoughts and drift off into blissful sleep. Finally you can quieten thoughts that you don’t dare let yourself think of even for second, for fear you will spiral back into the numbness that had consumed you since Thanos... Finally, you can sleep. But almost as soon as relief washes over you, your body tenses up once more and you see their faces in the darkness, eyes snapping open, you almost cry out into the silence.

You always hear people blaming a restless night or two on stress, insomnia or having a lot on their mind. No one ever talks about what losing that which you love can do to a person, when you’re all alone in your bed, accompanied by only the still silence of the empty room you spend most of your time in and your own prison - cell of a mind. It’s then, in the dead of night, that you miss them most. You miss their playful jokes, the way they would laugh with you, the way they would cry with you, the way their touch felt upon your skin. You missed Tony’s stupid inventions he gifted you when you were sad. You missed the feeling of Nat’s careful fingers braiding your hair when you were too tired to do so. You missed feeling like nothing could hurt you ever again when you were in Steve’s arms. For most, when darkness fell like a blanket upon the Earth, it was time to go to sleep. Not you, apparently.

You pushed yourself out from between the blankets, exposed feet making contact with the cool wooden floor. You swept the hair off your neck into a loose ponytail, the slight draft from the open window tickling your nape. You didn’t mind it in the slightest. You cringed at every creak and whinge of the floorboards, knowing you wouldn’t forgive yourself for waking Sam or Peter who both also barley got enough sleep as it is. You mindlessly made your way to the kitchen, lost in thought. You wanted some sort of alcoholic drink, something to dull your senses and numb your body. Maybe you would make some tea and spike it with vodka, or maybe you would just skip the tea and go straight for the vodka. You were surprised to find Bucky pulled up to the bar as you turned the corner, sipping generously on a whiskey, your breath catching as you took in his moon - lit frame. He was wearing grey sweatpants, tied loosely, but evidently he had chosen to wear nothing to cover his toned back which you found oddly calming to watch as he inhaled and exhaled slowly. You tried to match your speed with his, only just now noticing how quickly you had been breathing. He turned around, not a single hint of surprise or shock registering on his face as he beckoned with his head for you to sit beside him. You obliged gratefully, happy to have some company for once.

*one week ago*

‘and Wanda?’ you ask, Doctor Strange’s hologram stood in front of you as you nibbled on some toast. ‘We’re not sure. Last we heard, she had broken into some SWORD facility. I’ll update you if we find anything else’ he replied, giving you a sad smile with a million different meanings behind it. ‘...and how are we dealing with Morgan?’ you asked, voice breaking as you tried not to think about how she has to grow up without a father, just like you did. ‘Pepper is doing just fine with Happy’s help. Don’t worry about her, y/n. You’ve got enough on your plate as it is’, Strange replied sympathetically. You nodded dutifully, thanking him and switching off the device. ‘They’ll find her, y/n. Don’t worry. They have to’ Peter comforted you, patting your shoulder apologetically. He may not have known Wanda for long, but he knew how close you two were, and don’t get me started on how closely he sympathised with Morgan Stark. 

Peter soon left after he had downed a few cups of shitty coffee, promising to return in the afternoon. You had seen him try to grab his suit without you noticing, but you decided to leave him be, saying nothing to Sam as he also left to go help out with something in Wakanda. You had been alone for an hour or so at most when Bucky strolled in, humming to himself a song which seemed all too familiar. ‘What’s that song. I know it’ you questioned, patting the couch as Bucky slumped down beside you. ‘I don’t know the name, doll’ he sighed, swinging his arm around the back of your shoulders, in a way that almost seemed like he was sort of shielding you. You always felt safe beside Bucky. You pulled his face against yours, kissing him softly as he cupped your face gently with his metallic fingers. ‘I was worried Spidey boy was going to hog you forever’ Bucky laughed, brushing his thumb over your bottom lip making you giggle. You sighed contently as you melted into his warm embrace, inhaling his heavenly, euphoric scent. Without thinking, the 3 forbidden words poured out of your mouth before you could stop yourself. I love you. Withdrawing his hand abruptly, you noticed Bucky’s eyes widen slightly in a panic, his hands meeting each other in his lap, flesh fingers tracing over metal ones as he always did when he was uncomfortable. ‘...this couch. I love this couch’ you corrected yourself awkwardly, not wanting to make eye contact for fear of tears from your eyes at once, like blood from a wound. Uncontrollable, painful.

But as Bucky laughed nervously, getting up to grab a mug of tea, you bit your lip in deep thought. You had been dating for almost 2 years, now. It was easy, and made sense, finding comfort in each-other after suffering the same loses. It had been going well, even better than well. Great. You had slept together after only a few weeks, finding his touch not only pleasurable, but comforting, almost filling one of the many holes puncturing your heart. You never felt the need to label yourself, confident that Bucky wanted and felt the same as you, reciprocating your love for him. But what if you were wrong?

But if he felt the same as you, why then, was he so scared of saying ‘I love you’ back? You got up, shaking slightly as you walked around the kitchen island to stand in front of him. ‘I love you, Bucky’ you stated, looking him straight in those big blue eyes. Bucky on the other hand suddenly found his cup of tea super interesting, staring at it intently. You shook your head with frustration, taking the cup out of his hand and placing it down harshly on the countertop with a sharp bang, tea spilling over the sides. ‘Why won’t you say it back, Barnes?’.

Bucky almost choked on air as ‘Barnes’ fired from your mouth. Now he knew you were angry, but he didn’t understand. ‘I don’t understand’ he said truthfully, finally finding your eyes with his own. ‘Why do we need to say it out loud when we’re both thinking it anyway?’ he asked you, a look of genuine confusion splayed across his face. ‘That’s what people like us usually do’ you replied, reminding yourself to hold your tongue carefully and not let your bad - temper take over.

‘What do you mean, people like us?’ he continued with his previous style of stupid questioning, and you wondered how someone could be this daft. ‘A couple, Bucky! Boyfriend and girlfriend. People who are dating. Lovers. Partners. Must I continue?’ you replied, losing your patience with him. You had already been through so much pain, did he really need to inflict even more. ‘I told you when we started this thing, doll, I wasn’t ready to date. I had just lost Steve...’ you noticed a slight waver in his voice at the mention of Steve, and you too slightly winced upon hearing the name of your beloved friend who had left you both when you needed him most. At the same time, hearing him call you doll when you were so enraged just ticked you off even more. ‘...and I wasn’t ready to be romantically involved with anyone’ he finished, waiting to see your reaction. If ever there was a time for Bucky to be scared, it was now.

You bit down harshly on your tongue to stop yourself from crying, because you knew once you let the pain in, it would never stop. ‘But it’s been 2 years Bucky. I thought...’ you waved your hand dismissively in the air as if you were waving an actual thought away. ‘So it was just sex to you?’ you finally dared ask, the question almost a punch to Bucky’s gut, causing him to writhe under your burning gaze. ‘No, doll, no it wasn’t just sex I never -‘ he tried to scramble for some sort of logical explanation, but you were hurt beyond belief.

You exhaled humorously, laughing to yourself. ‘You’re the winter soldier, Bucky. Enhanced to live many more years than the average human. You and Steve both. Need I remind you I’m just a weak mortal, like them. Just like Tony, and Nat, and look where they ended up. Dead’ you spoke the last word with such pain and sharpness, it was like you had stabbed Bucky with one of his own knives, and Bucky almost trembled. You forgot he could hear your heartbeat, part of the perks of being ‘enhanced’, as you called it, and your heart was racing faster and faster with every passing moment. All he could do was listen to it race away, and try not to let his own one break.

‘You may still have battles to fight. People to avenge, people to make amends with. But I am so done with this bullshit Bucky. I’ve lost enough to know that I never want to kill another soul again. Thanos was the last. Thanos is the last. I want to settle down. Maybe even start a family one day, I don’t fucking know. I was hoping it could be with you’ Bucky tried to interject but you held up a red tipped finger, silencing him.

‘If your not ready, that’s fine. I’m ok with that. You know why, Barnes? Because I fucking love you, and I’ll never stop loving you, till the end of the line’  your lip quivered with that last sentence, shoving him back and racing to the elevator to escape this place, to escape him. You don’t know how many hours you were gone for, but when you came back, he was gone.

*now*

‘It’s not your fault he’s gone, y/n. Don’t you dare blame yourself, he made his choice’ Sam spoke gently, a solemn, understanding look passing between him and Peter. You plastered a fake smile on your face, one not quite reaching your eyes as you reassured them you weren’t blaming yourself. A lie.

Bucky was gone when you came back the day of your fight, all that was left was a note scrawled in his old-fashioned handwriting. You noticed parts of the ink was slightly smudged in an odd sort of way, like salted tears had fallen upon it. I’m sorry doll. I love you so much, I really do. I’m just so unbelievably scared that if we became serious, I would just end up hurting you, just like I did them. You blinked back tears, realising he was referring to Steve, Nat and Tony. ‘It’s not your fault baby’, you whispered to the empty room.

The ringing of the doorbell stirred you from your thoughts, causing you to jump. ‘Wait here’ Sam commanded you as him and Peter entered the elevator and travelled down to see who was bothering what was left of the avengers. You watched the numbers go all the way from 6 down to 0 as the elevator evidently reached the ground floor.

A few minutes passed. You sat at the kitchen table, sipping gingerly on that shitty coffee you all loved so much before you heard the elevator ding as it slid open to reveal Sam, Peter and Bucky stood inside. It was then that Peter suddenly decided he had to help Sam with ‘stuff’, as the spider boy so poetically and subtly put it. You glared at the boys as they shuffled around in the small elevator, swiftly making a getaway, as Bucky timidly stepped out. You crossed your arms.

‘Back again so soon? Here to hurt your other friends?’ you shot at him, pushing down the feeling of guilt as soon as the words left your mouth. You seemed to have forgotten the words of his note as quickly as you had read them. Bucky walked up to you, nervously to say the least, reaching into his pocket. You raised your eyebrows in confusion awaiting his response, as he took a deep breath.

The look of confusion soon morphed into shock as the super soldier gracefully got down to one knee, pulling out what you recognised with awe to be a ring. ‘I’m so sorry I hurt you doll. Took me a few days to get my shit together, realise Steve would kick me for leaving if he was still here, find the right one (he nodded towards the ring held so carefully in his hands), and I couldn’t let you down again...won’t let you down ever again. I love you more than I could ever put into words and would love nothing more then to be with you...till the end of the line’ You struggled to hold in tears as you hands flew to your mouth, the first real smile of many days growing to cover your face. Your shaky breaths only quickened as Bucky smiled at you like a happy puppy, at last sure of where he wanted to be, and who he wanted to be with.

‘Y/n S/n, will you make me the happiest super soldier alive and...’ Bucky tried to say as he held the ring out to you from beneath you, but a high pitched ‘Yes’ escaped from your mouth muffled by your trembling hands as you nodded, cheeks now glistening with tears. ‘You didn’t let me finish, will you...’

‘Yes’ you stopped him again as his sweet eyes crinkled at the sides from both laughter and frustration, as e stood up and you quickly brushed your lip against his impatiently.

‘Marry me, doll’ he finished, as he slid the ring perfectly onto your finger, diamond sparkling in the sunlight as you heard a small squeal from the direction of the elevator followed by the sound of a man elbowing a teenage boy playfully in the ribs. Before he could get another word out, you pulled Bucky in by the collar of his tight leather jacket with one arm ripped off, kissing him deeply, pouring in all your love and affection. You pulled back, reaching for his hand and pulling him towards the bedroom, away from a few certain someones prying eyes.

‘I thought this relationship wasn’t about sex?’ the handsome motherfucker grinned. ‘Oh so you don’t want to fuck me then, Barnes?’ Oh, now he was in trouble. ‘I never said that...’ he replied smugly, tossing you over his shoulder bringing you both to your room, onto the bed and under the covers.

[gofancyninjaworld]

OPM Parallel School Series: Junior High School Student Saitama

Translated by @vibhavm with additional help from Redditors /u/graywords and /u/lucci85.

As part of the drama CDs from 2017, ONE didn’t just write stories set in the canonical story.  He also penned lighter-hearted alternative universe stories, set in a high school... with predictable hijinks.

Audio link: https://soundcloud.com/vibhav-745976766/parallel-school-series-junior

We start:

Saitama (Sa): In this universe, there exists another world different from our world, a parallel world. This is another me, another Saitama, who lives in that parallel world.

Sonic (So): And I, Speed o' Sound Sonic, who went out of my way to transfer to Z Municipal Peace Middle School to settle my dispute with this Saitama!

Sa: (Well, there he is.)

Sa: (What's with the attitude?)

So: On the blood-covered battlefield known as the Sports Festival, in truth I was not really motivated for it, but I was unconsciously beginning to display my true abilities as the strongest ninja, and would unexpectedly become the star of the Sports Festival!

Sa: (It's just at a regular middle school sports festival.)

Sa: (I guess there are guys like that, who pretend they aren't motivated but are actually super excited.)

Sa: (Huh, so you really participated that much?)

So: This... is the lightning-speed sports documentary that recorded my heroism!

So: It’s the day before the Sports Festival.

So: To do image training for the bread eating contest, I was running to school eating a piece of bread.

Sa: You are fully motivated, aren’t you. I haven’t seen a guy like that.

So: Well now, Speed-o’-Sound Sonic, this is the last lap and I’m on one last straight line. It’s the last spot!

So: Fast! Fast! Crazy speed! Now, overtake Saitama running in front of you! Eh, seriously?!

Boom

So: Why the hell were you there on the last straight line?!

Sai: Huh? You tripped and fell on your own, what are you talking about?

So: gasp Hmph, you’ve got the wrong idea.

So: Running to school eating a piece of bread to do image training for the bread eating contest...

So: ...I was doing nothing of the sort! Not at all!

Sa: We don't even have a bread eating contest at our Sports Festival.

So: Eh… Anyway, tomorrow's sports day, be prepared for it! I’ll beat you up until you can’t stand, without fail!

So: I’ll turn the sports day into a bloodbath!

Sai: Uhh, you and I are on the same go-home club team.

So: Eh.. Uh… Hmph…

Music and fireworks

PPP: Sooo, let’s start this year’s Z-City Peace Junior High School Sports Day.

PPP: A physical festival, where muscles will clash with muscles!

PPP: I’m Puri Puri Prisoner, the speaker, i’m very fond of young boys.

PPP: And for the commentator… the well-known first-year junior high school student, Sweet Mask chan is joining us!

SM: Thank you for having me.

PPP: Well then, Amai Mask chan, you hold your annual winning streak with your Student Council team: what’s your outlook for this year?

AM: It goes without saying. This year too, my Student Council team will win without fa-

So: Hehehehehhehe. You’re pretty foolish, Student Council.

AM: Huh! You are…

So: chuckles

AM: Who are you?

PPP: This month a new student was transferred in this school for an exchange draft, B-group, attendance number 8. You’re Speed-o’-Sound Sonic-chan! You prefer a 40-degree temperature for your baths, and you enter the bathtub from the right. And apparently you don’t sleep in a bed but in a futon.

So: Ugh, why do you know so much about me!

PPP: It’s natural for teachers to keep the profile of their cutest students.

So: Anyway! This year's "go-home club team", teamed up with me, Speed o' Sound Sonic, their Golden Rookie, will be on a completely different level than before!

SM: Hmph. So the number of small fries increased by one-

So: I’m not alone.

So: The only man I consider a rival, Saitama! His gofer, the cyborg Genos! Furthermore, the strongest man, King is also here!

So: With those three, everything should be treated very seriously!

PPP: Are you talking about those 3 hurriedly eating over there?

Genos (Ge): Captain Saitama, what would you like as ingredients for the rice balls?

Sai: Salmon for me.

Ge: And you King senpai?

King (K): Tuna.

So: Hey! What are you doing relaxing! The fight is about to start!

Sa: Hm? Mmm..mmm… You wanna eat too? gulp Genos’s Fried Rice Balls are pretty tasty.

So: Mm, well now, let me see.

So: Mmmh, the sweet savoury smell of soy sauce with barley rice flour is- HEY YOU ALL!

Ge: Hmph. The Rice Balls weren't for you in the first place.

So: Tch, this guy.

AM: Did you already fall out with your friends? You can’t challenge our strongest student council team in such a mess.

AM: You should know your social standing. You’re an eyesore. It’s best if you quickly run home.

So: Such a way of talking…

So: You all! Aren’t you annoyed by how he’s talking to us!

Sa: Genos, grab me a barley tea?

King: Yeah, me too!

Ge: Ah, yes!

So: These guys are hopeless. They don’t listen at all…

AM: Heh, good luck with that. It’s going to be useless though. Hahahaha.

So: Tch, you bastards! You’ve acted like this all the time！

Ge: It’s according to plan. With this, the student council has let their guard down.

So: What?!

So: That means, could it be… their lax behaviour up until now…

Ge: Hmph, obviously. It was a fake in order to fool the opponent. Right, Captain Saitama?

Sa: Mh? What did you say?

Ge: Sonic, was it? How can’t you understand that even though you say you’re a ninja?

So: Uh...

So: I don't like your tone of voice, but....

So: I see. As expected of Saitama. I don’t see you as my rival for nothing.

PPP: And noooow, the first event, the mock cavalry battle is starting.

PPP: All contestants, please reach your friends!

Ge: Now then, Captain Saitama, King Senpai, let’s head into battle!

Sai: Ehhh, I'm full from overeating Rice Balls. Is it necessary to have four people? What a drag.

So: This isn’t a strategy at all is it!

SM: After all, the mock cavalry battle finished and naturally our student council team’s victory was secured. The home team was totally unfocused. But I won’t talk about it, because it was quite an embarrassing sight.

So: What a way of talking…

PPP: Well, apparently the Student Council Team is overwhelmingly above the others and leads the chart as of now.

AM: It seems the match is settled.

So: The student council team is 1280 points ahead huh. But there’s one last match.

So: The opposition club activities relay is left!

King: That's right, I believe the team that wins the relay gets 9 times the points.

Sa: Wait, that's way too many.

Ge: I see. If we win the relay, that means we can win by 8,999,999,998,720 points, then.

Sa: Huh. Did we really need that calculation?

So: Anyway! The game starts now! Just you watch, Student Council!

AM: Hahahaha, I could say the same to you from the horrible state you seem to be in.

AM: Everyone! They may be in last place, but the Go-Home Team is desperately trying hard, so please give them a round of applause!

AM: However, I, Amai Mask, pledge that my Student Council team will win the final opposition club activities relay, and achieve complete overall victory.

crowd applauding

So: Tch, what an unpleasant guy.

AM: Good luck to you all, even though I think you’re hopeless.

So: You all, despite being made such a fool of, you’re still-

Ge: All according to plan, this time for sure the Student Council has let their guard down.

So: gasp

So: So you mean... this pathetically slow start... I can't believe it!

Ge: Obviously, this is the final event that will decide everything.

Ge: It was a strategy to retain stamina until the opposition club activities relay. Right, captain Saitama?

Saitama: Man, I'm gettin' sleepy now.

So: I see, to deceive your opponents, you must first start with your allies. I was completely deceived.

So: Alright! Well then, let’s decide on our running order immediately!

Ge: Captain Saitama, what number would you like?

Saitama snoring

K: He’s having a sound nap.

So: This definitely isn’t a strategy at all is it!

PPP: Ok, time for the final event! The activity is the relay fight! The winning team will not only receive 9 times the points, but also a prize of 50 thousand yen!

So: Eh!?

K: Oh, you woke up.

So: So basically, I’ll be running for all 3 people?!

Sa: Well, what number do you want me to run in, Sonic?

So: Saitama…

Ge: Captain…

PPP: Well then, starting off with our first runners -- for the Student Council, their secretary, Drive Knight Chan!

DK: At last, it’s my turn…

PPP: And the go-home team self proclaimed vice captain, Genos-chan!

Ge: For the sake of the Go-Home club, I cannot lose!

PPP: Everyone is ready for the start...

mechanical sound

PPP: Wow, Drive Knight-chan! The lower half of his mechanical body transformed into a horse-shaped one!

PPP: Amai Mask chan, isn’t this foul play?

AM: Obviously, this is not foul play. As the opponent is also a cyborg.

PPP: That’s true…

DK: Genos-kun… This is the latest model lower body I prepared for this Sports Festival. The likelihood of you winning again such equipment is next to zero.

Ge: hmph, next to zero you say?

DK: That’s right. Therefo-

Ge: So you mean, it’s not zero, right.

mechanical noise

PPP: The race finally begins! Drive Knight chan and Genos chan, the two advance at a speed that far surpasses human expectations!

running and trotting noise

PPP: Oh, as expected, the performance is different. Drive Knight chan is leading.

DK: Of course...

Ge: I see. Naturally, I can’t best him in leg power. However…

mechanical sound

Ge: Incineration cannon!

Explosions noise

PPP: Ah, what was that?! Drive Knight-chan was blown away by Genos-chan’s Incineration cannon and went out of bounds! And in that moment, Genos-chan has pulled ahead!

AM: That damn Go-home team…

AM: The use of weapons is against the rules!

So: What an idiot! That’s nowhere in the Sports Festival’s guidebook!

AM: Son of a... If it's come to this, I'll just use my position in the Student Council to mark this as a loss for the Go-Home Club due to foul play...

DK: There is no need for that.

AM: Drive Knight!?

DK: I told you, didn’t I? My equipment is the latest model.

DK: If you are going to come at me with weapons, I will counter-attack with even stronger weapons.

DK: Tactical Transformation: Sports Festival Special.

PPP: Oh, Drive Knight-chan’s horse part transformed again! This time it transformed into a missile!

PPP: Ah, look out Genos chan!

Shit ton of noise

PPP: The missile shot by Drive Knight-chan landed! Genos-chan’s body is in pieces. I feel so sorry, Genos-chan! Drive Knight-chan goes right past him!

DK: Sorry, Genos-kun. However, this is reality.

PPP: How can you call this a sports festival anymore?! The other runners have lost their fighting spirit and are falling apart one after another!

AM: As expected of Drive Knight. This match is already over.

G: I wonder about that.

AM: Hah! Genos-kun, with that broken down body, what can-

G: Rocket Punch!

AM?: What?!

Genos’s theme playing

PPP: Oh! Genos’s right hand holding the baton is flying off at even faster speed!

DK: Huh, impossible.

PPP: In a blink of an eye, the second place runner flies past Drive Knight to Sonic-chan!

G: Even if my body is broken and scattered into pieces, I will definitely pass the baton! That is the spirit of the going-home club team!

So: Hmph. Good performance for someone who’s Saitama’s errand-boy.

So: Now it’s up to me, Speed o’ Sound Sonic!

PPP: Wow! The Go-Home team takes the lead, and right after that, the baton of the Student Council team goes to its second player, Flashy Flash-chan!

DK: Forgive me, Flash. It’s up to you now.

Flash (FF): Leave it to me.

So: I’m gonna win this by a landslide！

PPP: Now; it’s a match between Speed o�� Sound Sonic chan and Flashy Flash chan!

PPP: Both have the cute face and speed I love so much. So, so fast!

So: That Student Council guy, he’s not bad…

So: Still, can you actually follow me like this?

FF: Seems like a good runner for the Go-Home team...

FF: still, don’t think you can win against me in speed!

PPP: They both fast, Fast, FAST!! I mean, they’re so fast I can't see them at all! I can’t see anything, it’s all enveloped in a cloud of dust!

So: Alright, take it, Saitama!

Sa: Eh? Where?

Sa: I got dust in my eyes, I can’t see a thing.

So: WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? QUICKLY TAKE THE BATON!

FF: Take it, Zombieman!

Zombieman (ZM): Right, nice job Flash!

So: Hey, carry across the baton Saitama!

Sa: I can’t remove the dust in my eyes…

So: JUST RUN SAITAMA!!!

PPP: Anyway, I couldn’t see anything at all, but it seems like the third runners, Saitama-chan and Zombieman-chan started at almost the exact same time!

So: It seems that everyone has had a chance to see Sonic at the speed of sound!！

PPP: Nope, I didn't see you at all, Sonic chan.

So: What?

PPP: Nobody could see it, too bad.

So: Eh…?

FF: Hey, are you alright? You look like you’re on the brink of death.

PPP: Meanwhile, Saitama is nowhere to be seen!

So: Huh, what did you say!?

PPP: Saitama chan, where did you go off to?

sound effect

Sa: Huh, wait a sec. This scenery is a bit unfamiliar-

BOOM Tropical music

Sa: Eh? Where am I…?

Sa: Ah by any chance, did I take the wrong course? Crap…

Sa: I was running without seeing anything because of the dust...

Sa: Hey this is a jungle…

Sa: Crap, I need to get back quickly.

animal roaring

Sa: Hmm? Something about the animals...

Boom Weird laugh/cry

Sa: Are you… a monster?

Monster (M): That’s right.

I’m a poacher that was monsterfied after a trip to the jungle! With my overwhelming physical ability that was trained to perfection in the jungle, and my hunting instincts, I now reign at the pinnacle of this jungle's ecosystem. As the ultimate invasive species, I will tear people like you, who don the mantle of civilization and allow your physical abilities to devolve, limb from pale civilized limb--

BOOM

Sa: Oops… I should have asked that monster now about which way to Z-City.

Sa: Ah well, it’s probably that way-

Boom

PPP: While Saitama-chan is absent, Zombiman is still running alone!

ZM: Why can’t I see anybody, is this not the sports festival? What am I even racing against? Can I just keep running like this?

AM: Don’t think about it Zombieman, just keep running like that.

ZM: All- Alright, Amai Mask.

So: Damn it, where did Saitama go off to! Hey Genos!

Ge: There’s only one possibility I can think of.

So: What is it?

Ge: He might have gone home.

So: What!? Why in the absolute hell would anyone go home at a time like this!?

Ge: How Naive. You still don’t know anything about the go-home club.

AM: Hmph, looks like this time the match is over.

So: NNGHHHH

Beeping-like sounds

Genos: I sense something, it’s coming!

AM: What!?

PPP: Oh, he’s finally back here, Saitama-chan!

Seigi Shikkou playing

Sa: Sorry, sorry. I went the wrong way…

So: What were you doing, you idiot!

Sa: It’s your fault for spreading dust clouds everywhere.

PPP: However, Zombieman-chan is a long way away in the lead now.

AM: You’re too late.

So: Well, I wonder about that!

AM: What?

Sa: Alrighty, this time I won’t make a mistake.

BWOOSH

PPP: Fa- fa- fast!

Ge: As expected, Captain! His eyes have gone red, probably because money is on the line!

PPP: Saitama chan easily passed Zombieman chan!

ZM: Fast, way too fast!

PPP: And he’s rapidly gaining a wide lead.

AM: Impossible! That plain looking faced guy can’t be this fast!-

Crunch

PPP: Ohh… Amai Mask chan crushed his microphone…

PPP: Mr. Saitama gets ready and passes the baton to King-chan, the anchor!

Sa: I leave the rest to you.

K: Yeah…

PPP: On the other hand the Student Council Team, Zombieman is still far away back.

Ge: As expected Captain Saitama!

So: With this, the match is over.

AM: Nope, you’re pretty naive huh Go-Home team.

So: Huh?

AM: Have a look at our final runner. Can you still say that?

OST: Dark Energy

So: What did you say?

Tatsumaki (T): Hey, why are you running so sluggish! Hurry up and bring the baton to me!

Ge: Tha… That is…

AM: That’s right. The student council vice president. Tornado of Terror!

T: Ugh, I can’t wait anymore!

splash sound

PPP: AAAAAAH! Tatsumaki burst Zombieman’s body into tiny pieces with her Psychokinesis!

PPP: Aaaaand, the baton was passed on to Tatumaki-chan as if it were being carried by water.

So: Gah! In order to win… she even killed her ally!

ZM: No, I’m fine. Since I'm immortal.

Sa: Ah, is that so? I’m glad you’re okay.

ZM: Excuse me, but could you please gather the pieces of flesh scattered over there.

Sa: Sure. Though are you really fine?

AM: Now then, go Tatsumaki, show the power of our student council team!

T: I'll go without you having to say a damn thing, moron! Don't you dare boss me around and give me orders while your useless ass is just sitting back and relaxing in the commentator's seat! You disgust me. Why don't you just go on home with the Go-Home Club?!

PPP: Whoa! Tatsumaki-chan unexpectedly beat the Go-Home Club to the punch by telling him (AM) to go home!

PPP: Amai Mask-chan, is there anything you wish to say towards Tatsumaki-chan?

AM: Fufu

PPP: Amai Mask-chan is just barely able to maintain his smile, but it is at maximum twitching! As usual, today Tatsumaki-chan is emanating an aura of range in all directions!

T: Every last one of them, they can’t do anything without me. Here I go!

wind sfx

crowd panic

PPP: Aaah Tatsumaki-chan’s extremely powerful psychokinesis! There’s an actual tornado invading the campus!

PPP: The students --gagh, and even the tent we’re in, are getting blown away--gaah!

T: HAAAAAAAAAA!

winds intensify

PPP: King-chan.. Where is King-chan!

Sa: Ah, there right?

PPP: The object being blown away with tremendous force… K.. King chan!?

Ge: No, he’s not being blown away...

So: He’s riding the wind!

Sound of something lowering down

Tatsumaki: Huh?

PPP?: WHAT!?

PPP: With tremendous force King chan has wooooooooon!

PPP: The winner is the go-home club team!

cheers

K: Hm, what happened to me?

Sa: You did it, King!

Ge: As expected, King-senpai!

So: This is the world’s strongest man’s power…

T: You’re the one I lost to, it can’t be helped…

Amai: Cheers to you...

PPP: Congratulations, the MVP is King!

Crows woos

Saitama: Nice, let’s eat barbecue with the prize money.

King: Yeah. Though before that… I’m gonna swing by the infirmary.

[a-smile-hides]

WARPAINT - I.R.

WARNINGS: long fic, description of battles, blood, wounds, death, some time jumps, I had a bit of a block during this …

This was actually requested, so thank you for that! Sorry for the wait. I kind of got carried away with this. My first draft was not so long, but then I realised I kind of wanted a stronger reader and now… well this happened. Hope you enjoy!! xxx

The request: Hello! I wasn't sure if requests were open or not, but I had this idea were the reader is not a shield maiden and prefers doing other things, and shes not exactly that well-built. Maybe there's an attack on kattagat and she's one of the people who were taken? But she fights her way out and goes back to kattagat when ivar was planning a rescue mission (nobody thinks she could fight) but she can because of some reason in the past and she was forced to? I'm literally just throwing ideas.

---

“Correct me if I am wrong, but the Christians that you just defeated have invited you and your brothers – and only you three – to come to their palace to talk about peace?” You scoffed, shaking your head in disbelieve. “You honestly can’t believe that Ivar.”

Ivar sighed. His back was turned towards you as he tightened the straps of his gloves.

“Ivar… Do you?”

Ivar threw his head back, looking up to the sky above him. The sky was bright blue. A couple of birds flew over, following the largest one in their group to their next adventure. Behind him a couple of men sat together whispering and pointing at the exchange in front of them, wondering aloud what or who made you qualified to step up and talk to one of their leaders. “Of course not. It is not me who has turned into a fool.”

His words made you bite your lip. Merely a few hours after the army had returned victorious, a petit man dressed in beautiful red robes decorated with golden leaves had fearfully entered the camp. Stuttering and barely looking into anyone’s eyes, the man proclaimed his lord acknowledged their triumph and had asked the three leaders to come to the castle at sunset. In that way they could discuss the outcome of this victory. This lord, the prince of this dying land, clearly did not want to lose any time.

Ubbe, wanting to take this opportunity of peace, had immediately accepted the offer to which the messenger nodded and ran away, looking like a dog with its tail between his legs. Ivar had been furious and confused by his brother’s naïve decision. But he could not ignore the fact that a part of him was curious to what this prince wanted to offer in exchange for “peace”. This soil was rich, and he knew this land held unknown treasures. Its only flaw was the leadership. And so, he wanted to follow his brothers to this castle. Yet, he knew how foolish they would be if they did not bring their most trusted warriors to the castle.

“You are going no matter what I say?” The question came out as a statement. You didn’t need any answer. The silence that followed and the slight second his movements halted were enough. Slowly, he turned around. A sly grin concealed the doubts he had.

“Do I suspect some concern?”

You licked your lips, shifting your weight to one leg. “I am only worried about my place in this camp. You know they don’t like me here, Ivar. Without you, they might come up with something to get rid of me.” You said laughing airily, your head subtlety nodding in the direction of the men behind you whose eyes were still locked on you two. And although you said it with a small grin, your words held a certain truth. And he knew it too.

Ivar nodded his head. “I would like to see them try.” He whispered, narrowing his eyes.

You could hold back you laugh. Ivar pressed his lips together at the sound, hiding his smile as he watched you. And then, the mood changed. That airy, light feeling disappeared. Everything became serious, while the two of you just stared at each other.

“Be careful?” You asked him again. Your voice was small, barely audible.

Ivar looked up at you and extended his hand, mentioning you to come closer. In a few steps you stood in front of him, patiently waiting for his answer. Tenderly, he grabbed your hand. His thumb brushed over your skin, while his other hand followed the curve of your hip. His brilliant blue eyes stared right up at you. The corners of his mouth slightly curled upwards.

Ivar breathed in deeply, leading your hand to his lips. Without breaking eye contact, he pressed his lips on your hand.

With that you got his silent promise.

***

A fire crackled in the background as the sun began her descent. The dry ground felt cool against your feet. The birds chirped loudly as they flew over the camp. From behind you, you heard someone howl as his friend emptied his cup in one big gulp. The music that was played by some of Sigurd friends amused the crowd. And slowly but surely more and more people joined the drinking game going on around the fire.

The mood was light and happy. Every last man or woman that decided to come along this raid was cheerful because of the recent victory on those pathetic Christians. Ivar had used his tactics and bright mind to conceive a master plan. Ubbe had led them forward with his skills as a warrior and Hvitserk gave the men the support they needed in the middle of the fight. The army, for once, was not big in numbers, but with those three it hardly was necessary.

No one knew who came up with the idea to organize this raid. But not a single soul cared. Since Ragnar’s disappearance, those voyages had been put to a halt and many men and women longed for this opportunity. An opportunity to raid and find treasures and make their families proud. An opportunity to get access to Valhalla.

Now that the three brothers had left to negotiate, the camp had decided to feast. No one was worried for their safety. Even if they had been gone for longer than the few hours they anticipated. The road to the battlefield had been long and tiring. Who knew how far this castle lay?

A fine grin formed on your lips as the sounds filled your ears. With your back turned towards them all as you let your body sway to the rhythm of the music. With both hands you lifted your skirt up, keeping it out of the dust’s range you kicked up as your movements got bigger. The music swelled up and you closed your eyes.

Your mind had been clouded by worries and possible disastrous outcomes for the sons of Ragnar, but now for the very first time since they left, you could let go of those dark thoughts.

Getting lost in the story the tune told you, you did not notice the girl that joined your side. She had come along this raid with her mother, a gifted healer. It was clear she had inherited this knowledge, and therefore wished to accompany her mother on this voyage. Her big eyes were focused on you as she tried her best to imitate your moves. Many times, she almost tripped over her own feet.

With your eyes closed, you kept twirling and dancing to the music. Lost to the world around you and the crowd that watched with amused eyes to the show going on in front of them. Some men catcalled while others were completely obvious to the dance. As the music slowed down, you took a moment to catch your breath. Only now you noticed the people that had their gaze pointed at you.

“Is it true?”

The high voice of the young girl next to you made you snap out of your daze, looking at her with your eyebrow raised.

The young girl grinned; her eyes glimmered with mischief. “Is it true you dance for the brothers like this every evening? They say you do it for Ivar whenever he demands it.”

Her innocent question made you snort; her innocence could not stop the irritation from building up inside of you. It was not the first time someone had asked you this.

Unlike other children, who helped their parents in their line of work, you often hung around the brothers. Acting as a shadow and sneaking up on them. This continued until you came of age, and Hvitserk saw you disappear into the woods with your father. He dragged a heavy cart with him, knives, axes and ropes thrown into it, while you carried a large basket with food in it. At first it did not worry him, but when you did not return for five days, questions arose amongst the brothers. When the day of your return arrived, the men were confused, but happy to see you. Only Ivar had been reluctant, focussing more on the scars and bruises that covered your body. It was only after you had shaken your head at him and asked Sigurd to play your favourite song once again that he warmed up, trying his best to hide his smile as you danced to the music his brother played.

Many wondered why you always danced until your feet got raw. Swaying your hips and twirling around in circles until the sun set in the evening. Many thought it was the effect of plants that you were not supposed to eat or the consequence of your mysterious disappearing in the woods. You learned fast that everything that was not done by most people, was considered odd.

This could be the reason why the youngest prince let you walk beside him. He too was considered as someone odd, someone unusual. Although you were not a shieldmaiden, nor a woman with a famous background, a connection was shared.

Ivar often said to be irritated by your presence and loudly proclaimed that when he was around his brothers. He would hide his smile, only giving it when he knew no one else was around. Sometimes he would utter out a sneaky comment as you passed them, making Hvitserk snicker and Sigurd roll his eyes. Yet never would he allow another to say those out loud. The ones who dared to mock you in his presence usually ended up with a nasty cut on their forehead.

“Y/N, you’re ignoring my question.” The healer’s daughter sang out.

This time you laughed out heartily. “People believe what they want to believe. I must say that I don’t know wh-“

Your voice died as you looked to your left, where the road lay on which Ivar, Ubbe and Hvitserk had departed. Appearing at the horizon was a horse, soon followed by four others. Their riders hitting the animals to make them run faster. Squinting your eyes at the moving figures, you saw how each of them seemed to be shouting, one even raising their sword high in the air. The metal reflected some of the sunlight and made turn your head. The sight only made your heart miss a beat. Behind you, although hard to see due to the evening sun, you could make out the silhouettes of the men that slowly stepped out of the woods.

The girl beside you noticed your worried gaze and followed it to the tree line. Her cheeky smile disappeared immediately once she too noticed the men storming at your camp. All of them carrying various weapons.

The young girl screamed out, making the musicians stop playing and everyone look up. Frightened the girl ran in the direction of her mother’s tent, while you shouted out at the top of your lungs.

“Ambush!”

***

“Does he really think he can bribe us with a bit of land, now?”

Ivar’s soft but menacing words made every Christian man in the large palace room look up alarmed. They did not know what he was saying, because suddenly he had changed to his own language, but his tone had changed drastically. During this whole ordeal, the young man had not spoken much. Only asking a couple of questions on a light and airy tone. Now it seemed as if his patience had reached its end.

“Do not forget that we are in another country, Ivar”

“Ubbe, this kingdom is dying. You are the one forgetting we destroyed them on the battlefield. We should just raid and move on. Maybe we can send word to our home. To little Sigurd. He could stand in as our man here?” He grinned, “Then at least he does something useful.”

Hvitserk lowered his head as Ubbe sighed out.

The prince coughed, snapping the men out of their argument. This man, the only living member of the royal family, had been sitting on his throne uncomfortably ever since the Viking brothers had arrived. He had invited them over in hopes of finding a truce. Some form of agreement so that he and every last resident in his land could come out of this alive. But so far, none of his offers had pleased all the brothers.

“We could take the land, Ivar. The best that is out there. We can demand it from him.” Hvitserk urged, a wide grin on his face. Ubbe nodded at him, patting him on the back. The prince grinned at the interaction.

Ivar rolled his eyes. Something did not feel right. The land was theirs to take. This prince knew it too. He did not get why his brothers suddenly became too soft to continue.

Ivar’s suspicion only grew when a slim man dressed in the same red and golden robes as the messenger that directed them here entered the room. His gaze was only pointed at his lord, trying his best to avoid the heathens that he feared. Bowing for a second, the man stepped forward. He opened his mouth, but then closed it as he finally locked eyes with the three men sitting in front of him. Those heathens knew his language. Leaning forward, he quickly whispered something in the prince’s ear which made him sit up straight. The prince nodded his head at his messenger, thanking him and letting him leave.

For the first time, he stepped off his throne and walked towards the three brothers. He took a moment, nodding to himself as if he were encouraging himself to continue. “Good news, my informant just told me the council has agreed to come together and talk about this arrangement.” The prince stretched his arms out wide, a hopeful smile on his face. Ubbe and Hvitserk nodded their head at him, while Ivar looked away. “This all on the condition that you spare the people and myself and do not attempt another attack on my kingdom.”

***

Blood covered the dusty ground as the large group of men fought their way through the camp. Each of them entering the tents to drag the ones that tried to hide in them outside, claiming their most valuable belongings as their own. Laughing wickedly, each of them left the tent ravished behind them, setting them on fire once all the goods had been taken out of it. Women thrashed around in their holds as men of different ages fought bravely against the marching forces.

It became clear very early that this was a planned attack. A strategical set in a game of vengeance. The clearing had been chosen carefully by the three brothers. It was large enough so anyone who had joined this raiding party could place their tent where they wanted to. It provided a good view on any upcoming forces. And enough scouts were present in the forest, carefully placed there to warn everyone if an attack may happen.

And yet, no signal was sent. Those Christian men snuck up on the camp as if someone had opened the door for them.

As you hid in the tent, you watched with sorrowful eyes how the girl that admired you earlier sat beside her mother. Her little body shook in fear, while tears kept rolling over her rosy cheeks. In the chaos of the attack, you had pulled them with you inside a tent. Your hideout was fragile. Nothing more than a piece of cloth. But at least it was something. A place to think of a better plan.

Two shieldmaidens had followed you inside. One tried her best to look outside, while the other tried to mend her broken bow.

Outside, the screams of anguish and the shouts of war became less prominent, making you think the Christian forces were retreating or at least, that the fight was ending. The shieldmaiden at the opening of the tent seemed to share your thoughts, lifting her hand in a silent demand for the girl to calm down.

Her brows were furrowed as she slowly pushed away the material that closed your hideout. Her eyes scanned the area, but seemed not to find any enemy.

“I can’t see anyone. We cannot stay here. The girl will betray us with her cries.” She whispered out. Her eyes going from her fellow shieldmaiden to the mother.

“She is a child!” The woman whisper-shouted, pressing her whimpering daughter against her chest.

“If she is a child than why is she even here?” The other shieldmaiden snapped back. “The camp is not a sacred place free of any harm.”

The mother scowled at the woman, running her hand over her daughter’s head in a comforting way. “I’ve come along raids many times. Not once have I-“

Her angry words were silenced by the gasp her daughter lets out. Frightened for the safety of her girl, the women grabbed her tightly. But her daughter had not been harmed. Her finger shakily pointed forward as her eyes filled themselves with tears.

The shieldmaiden that was looking out the tent, lay now dead on the floor. Her throat pierced by an arrow.

“Audhilde” Her fellow shieldmaiden whispered out, her hands clenched into fists. Without thinking you jumped up, grabbing the axe the fallen shieldmaiden had taken with her.

In the moment it took you to grab the axe, a second arrow entered the tent, missing you by an inch. The feeling of the arrow zooming past your face made you choke on your breath. Looking to the left you saw two men fight with each other, one of them holding a crossbow in his hands.

Sniffing, the other shieldmaiden took a seat next to you. Her eyes were clouded by the anger rising inside of her. With harsh movements, she lined up her arrow.

“What are you playing at?” She hissed, as you held her back.

Remaining silent, you stared straight into the fiery eyes of the shieldmaiden next to you, while your hand kept pushing the bow down. The woman in front of you frowned, opening her mouth, but was silenced when you placed your finger on your lip. Slowly, you crawled backwards, pulling the woman with you to hide behind the fabric.

Nodding your head towards the small mirror that was placed on the box next to the healer and her child, you made the shieldmaiden aware of the danger right outside the tent. In the reflection you could make out a man. He walked hastily around the tent in front of your hideout, before deciding that the one on its right was the one he needed. A second soldier joined him, and together they entered the tent.

You tilted your head, frowning at their odd behaviour. As you took a better look at them, your confusion only grew. They seemed to be in a rush. As if they were the ones being hunted, as if they were struck with fear and wanted this to end as fast as possible.

The shieldmaiden next to you grew tired of waiting inside the tent. Waiting was just the same as giving up, she thought. Pushing you aside, she took a seat next to the entrance. With the tip of her arrow she carefully pulled back the material of the tent, giving herself more room to get a good look at the outside world.  

“Why haven’t they burned ours yet?” You wondered out loud.

The shieldmaiden snorted, looking over her shoulder briefly. “Why should I care?”

“Look around you. They are not walking around as men that believe in their cause. Only a few seem proud to fight for their lord. We are losing this. We are being slaughtered. And still, most of them seem so scared of what may come after them…”

Your words made the woman in front of you think for a second, before she shook her head and lined up her arrow once more.

“Try to get out as fast as you can. Run to the forest. Take ‘whiny’ and her mother with you. I will take care of those fuckers outside.” She groaned, before she shot her first arrow and launched herself out of the tent.

The shake of your head went not unnoticed by the mother, who looked at you confused. Her insides boiling with anger due to the shieldmaiden abandoning her and her only child in the middles of an ambush with a woman who seemed unfit to protect them.

“Pure suicide. This is going way too fast. Attacking now that the three brothers are not here ...” You mumbled out. The words coming out fast and quiet, crumbling the little hope the woman had. Not only did that shieldmaiden leave her alone with a seemingly unfit person, but now that person was mad too. “They planned this all!”

The conclusion made you snap back to the reality around you. The frightened girl shaking in her mother’s arms, the sounds of swords clashing just outside your tent, yells of terror in the distance. You looked down, the axe lying comfortably in your hand. With a small nod to the mother you told her to get up. Quickly, she scrambled to her feet, lifting her daughter up. Her eyes immediately went to the entrance of the tent, but you held her back.

“Go out there and you’ll die.”

The words made her halt. She wanted to scream back at you, but the confident glare on your face made her bite her tongue. “Where do we go then?”

Not answering her, you stepped forward slightly, bending down to get a look of the frightening world outside the tent. Outside the shieldmaiden who had carelessly run out of her hideout was fighting against one of the soldiers. Her face was covered in the blood of her opponents. Skilfully, she kept the man at bay with a sword she had taken from the ground. But beyond her knowing, a second man slowly made his way towards them. The grin on his face was vicious. He was one of the few who enjoyed this all. Collecting all of your power to restrain yourself, you watched how he snuck up on the shieldmaiden and sliced her shoulder with his sword. Turning around before you saw her end, you tried to see if you could find another way to escape.

There was no way you could fight your way out of here. Even if you wanted to, the possibility of stepping outside this tent and be met with the same fate as that woman was too high. Nevertheless, staying in this tent was no option either.

Blinking at the weapon in your hand, an idea struck you. Without hesitation you walked straight towards the back of the tent, followed by the mother and her daughter. With brute force, your pushed away everything that kept you from reaching the fabric of the tent. A couple of boxes, the mirror, some candles, they all landed harshly on the ground. The mother watched perplexed as her daughter escaped her grip and helped you. Your lips curved upward as you looked into her eyes. Raising your eyebrows, you lifted up the axe in the air.

“We’re making us a way out of here…”

With the axe, you sliced the fabric of the tent, ripping it apart. Careful not to end up like the death shieldmaiden inside the tent, you opened the gab slowly, searching for any possible foe.

“Everything’s clear. When I say go, run. Run and do not stop until you’re deep into the woods.”

Not waiting for an answer, you walked around the tent, straight towards the boxes you carelessly threw through the tent. There had to be something in here for them to protect themselves with. The mother narrowed her eyes at your plan, the concern for her daughter made her be on edge. But her daughter nodded determined.

You smiled as you stumbled across a knife. Nodding your head at yourself, you walked up to the mother.

Her confusion did not disappear once you presented her with the knife, but without hesitation she took it from you. “How do you know all of this?”

Not containing the sinister laugh that escaped your lips, you grinned back at the mother.

“My dad wished for a son.” You muttered out, raising your eyebrows at her.

Before you could step outside to get one final look, you heard a low chuckle behind you. Turning around, your eyes widened as they made contact with the men that had attacked the shieldmaiden only a few moments ago.

“Three little birds in a cage.”

“Now!”

In a flinch the mother and her daughter ran out of the tent. The young girl screamed and cried while she held the hand of her mother, her tearful eyes glued on you until she disappeared out of your sight.

The man grunted, irritated by their escape. However, he still had one little bird left. Slowly, as a fox sneaking up on his prey, he walked towards you. Confident in his skills. You licked your lips. Chuckling, the man took a step forward, the sword in his hand raised high above his head. Without thinking, you ducked underneath his swing, sidestepping to avoid him completely. With all the power you could muster up, you sliced the axe across his back. The man hollered, pressing his hand against the wound. As he took sight of the blood on his hand the man simply laughed at you, muttering under his breath. There was no sign that this man was one of those weak one-God lovers Ivar used to tell you about.

The man’s eyes had become very dark. And with a load roar he ran towards you, making you duck to avoid his dangerous move. The man, not expecting this, could not hold himself back and thrashed through the tent and the opening you just made, falling down on his face as he flew through the gab. Not wasting the moment, you ran after him, pushing him down with your foot and hitting him with the stump side of your axe so you could knock him out. As fierce as you may be now, a shieldmaiden was not what you were at heart.

“Heathen!”

The word made your blood run cold. A couple of men had spotted you. Running towards you at full speed, their swords raised high in the air. Turning around and deciding that your time acting as a hero was over, you tried to make a run for it, sprinting to the trees.

With each step the tree line came closer. And with that, your freedom. An escape from the terrible fate of being captured by the enemy. Behind you, tents were still burning. Christian soldiers and Viking warriors lay dead on the bloody floor. Those that had started their escape too late either trashing in the hold of those Christians or hiding in the few tents that were still untouched.

Another step. The trees were so close. Two men ran in front of you. Both carrying their wounded friend, trying their best to get him to safety. Grunting as they carried him forward, completely ignoring his pleas to leave him behind.

Another step. With a quick look behind your shoulder, you noticed that those Christian soldiers had stopped following you. Instead, there was only one remaining. Standing lonesome, next to a tent that was lightened on fire. Not slowing down, you kept running.

And then.

Pain.

A sharp cry passed your lips as the piercing, throbbing pain in your shoulder knocked you off your feet. Falling down on your stomach, you tried your best to look at your right shoulder, where an arrow had pierced your flesh. Moving felt almost impossible, the pain keeping you down on the ground. Leaving you vulnerable. An easy prey for the Christian soldier that walked up to you, grinning wickedly while playing with the bow in his hand.

---

Thank you for reading xxx

Tags: @fairyofvoid​

[bo0zey]

ok this is like pt2 of that longass recent post so just ignore this bc this parts even STUPIDERR

anyways imma try to work on the rough draft after showering but i know i won’t have a enough time to finish it before clinical n ik she’s gonna call me out and wtf am i gonna say?????? i hate using my mental health as an excuse bc i feel like no one cares or believes me or thinks i’m just lazy and or crazy or being manipulative but like i swear i’m not i just happened to lose control over my frontal lobe at the wrong time of the school week i’m ??????? last time i turned in my annotated bib late too n she like ripped me a new one about it n i’m afraid of disappointing authority figures bc yknow my narcissist dad would only ever acknowledge my existence and express being proud of me when i got good grades like it was all i was worth to him; A’s meant affection and B’s meant “but u could’ve gotten and A so what happened??” n everything else meant NOT GOOD ENOUGH even in high school he hounded me “haha yeah ur #2 of ur class but what abt #1 huh why aren’t u #1?? i saw both ur gpas they’re so close omg they’re like a tenth of a decimal!” n i was like lol ok it was actually like .00 something, AKA a hundredth of a decimal, and still it wasn’t enough if i don’t do what i need to do in school if i don’t get good grades then i would have never meant anything to him i was his trophy daughter only worthy of facebook posts when he felt the need to brag abt me and now that’s all really have to base my self worth upon bc i felt like that’s all he valued in me n now i don’t do nearly as well in college as i did in high school bc i think it’s bc i was traumatized for like 12yrs of schooling with him looming over me and college i could like finally be a human??? lol ok ANYWAYSS sorry for trauma dumping lol so like yeah i already felt stupid n disappointed in myself n then she was making me feel even guiltier/more useless n like i think i’d been awake for >2 days that day n probs on my period so i was probably extra prone to crying n then she had the nerve to look me in the eyes and ask if i was okay bc she saw them watering up as she continued to progressively dig into me and i fuckjgn HATE that question i fuckjing hate being asked it bc i just ?? idk maybe it’s a trigger bc every time someone asks it(typically adult authority figures i know im disappointing but can’t stop self sabotaging) i just lose all control of self regulating my emotions n my eyes start Rlly watering then dripping and she was the absolute last person i’d ever want to cry in front of so i tried so hard to stop i nodded my head and smiled so hard and wide despite the mask covering half my face because i was trying to like get my body to control itself but my eyes just kept running and i wondered how i must’ve looked to her probably insane the way i was fighting a losing battle against a mental break down n i was smiling like a fucking clown to try and make my cheeks reach my eyes so it looked real so she could see it behind the mask and look past my watering eyes and the more tears that fell the harder i made myself smile and laugh all the while THE TEARS WOULD NOT STOP like i probably looked like a fuckjng raging mentally ill maniac to her esp when i pointed at my mask and was like “yes i’m fine i’m smiling underneath the mask i promise heheheh^.^” n giggled and then cried intermittently through the last 2 hours of clinical then silently on the car ride home bc i had to drive my roommate back w me n then as soon as i passed the door threshold i just broke down for literally NO FUCKJGN REASON??????????? like full on waterfall n my roommate turned n glanced at me n was like omg what happened what’s wrong??? MY NEXT 2 LEAST FAVKRJTE QUESTIKNS so obv i went from silent crying choking down sobs to total blubbering sobbing incontrollable inconsolable mess n it was so embarrassing bc i already burdened n traumatized her w my mental breakdown last august sooooo yeah that sucked lol n obviously what i was crying abt sounded so stupid i don’t even know why i would breakdown over something so stupid i’m so weak it’s honestly embarrassing lmfaooooomsbxbd🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[themagicmistress]

Heere’s an excerpt from the first draft of ‘Flowers, Soft Beneath My Heels.’ Scrapped most of it, but I liked this scene! Soo, here it is

~

Rumblecusp is a nice place. The sky is clear and has been most of the days they’ve been here. The air is still and windless save the light breezes that simply ruffle the tree leaves.

Despite the relative peace of the environment, which on any other day would be idyllic, her view of the town is one of slight chaos, and in a different way than it had been last night. People are angry, stone-faced and yelling at each other, faces darkened with rage. Yelling is fine. She has a feeling they’re just doing it to do something instead of nothing in their situation. Some, however, wander through the village with lost faces, looking pleadingly up at the sky as if for answers. It has none to give them, she knows. The Moonweaver has said her piece.

But Yasha’s not looking for trouble, or any of the previous followers of the not-god. She peers curiously around the village, trying to call back to mind the location Anola had told her to go looking for.

She has to knock on a few doors and then awkwardly backtrack as she’s met with more than one tear-streaked face until Yasha finds an older man with a long wispy beard and weary black eyes.

“No alcohol here,” he says roughly and goes to slam the door. She wedges her toe between it and the frame before he can. His eyebrows fly nearly to his hairline. “Of course,” says the man she really hopes is Kresh, “I could always reconsider.”

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Yasha reassures and he leans back from her a bit. “I’m not going to hurt you,” She says more insistently and Kresh nods quickly. She stifles a sigh. “Look, I’m just looking to buy something nice for a friend and Anola said you were the person to go to.”

The pressure on her foot lessens and the door swings open. “Oh,” his face is sheepish, “Something sweet, right?”

“Yes,” Yasha tells him. Her heels ache and her heart’s still hopping a half-beat too fast from the earlier scare. She wants to be safe beneath the protection of the dome, her friends breathing warm beside her.

The candies are twenty-five gold, a bit more than mainland prices, but well worth it.

She sticks her head into the dome and there’s a second of relief as she sees them all sitting next to each other, not having moved an inch. 

“Jester?” Yasha makes sure her voice is quiet with Beau leaning against Caleb’s shoulder, the two of them having dozed off. “Can I talk to you?”

Jester looks up from underneath Fjord’s arm, who doesn’t appear to notice his own slow attempts to pull her closer. “Sure, what do you want?”

She hesitates. “Just about stuff. Stuff that happened today.” The cleric’s face falls and for a second Yasha feels bad but she didn’t want Nott or the others to bug the tiefling about the candies.

“Oh. Coming.”

They don’t go far from the dome, Jester’s steps short and hurried. She’s also reluctant to go far, to stray more than she needs to.

Yasha pulls out the small sack out and hands it to her. “Here. I thought you’d like these and I also thought you’d prefer to not share, so… here I am giving them to you away from the others.”

The moment Jester figures out what the rock-like amber stones are, her face lights up. “Yasha!” she gasps, and her face breaks into a grin, “You didn’t have to do this.”

“Well, I know you’ve been under a lot of pressure lately, and tonight was a lot. So.” She rubs the back of her neck. “You deserve it.” 

Jester pops one into her mouth and groans and her stomach does a split-second drop as she thinks oh-no-I-messed-up before she realizes it’s a happy noise.

“These are so good!” Jester shoves the bag back into her hands, “They’re really sweet and sorta crunchy at the same time. Holy cow, I can’t believe you got these here, Yasha, because when we leave I’m never gonna be able to get them again.” Her words are a little garbled with the candy in her mouth, but then she gives a pointed look to the bag. “What are you waiting for, are you going to eat one already or not?”

“They’re for you,” she refutes.

“Yeah, but I want you to have one, so eat it,” she tells her flatly. Yasha eats the candy. 

It’s a little caramelly and it melts in her mouth, with tiny hints of vanilla, all flavours she only knows because of Jester. It spreads in her teeth, sticky but pleasing, and in the center is a hard middle she discovers is a nut as she grinds it between her molars.

The tiefling’s fingers are deft, plucking candy after candy from the bag. They don’t shake and her friend’s demeanor remains unbothered by the night’s events.

What had her face looked like, fingers clenched around green robes, eyes teary toward liquid moonlight? She can only see what Jester shows her now. Someone delighted, maybe a little too delighted, by a simple gift of confectionery. Yasha only knows how she felt, watching a friend drift into the sky, glittering with chains like early morning dew on spiderwebs. Her pulse drumming in her ears, a war drum, teeth clenched, sword clenched, and useless.

Would that she could fell a god for her friend, but Yasha has never been able to claim herself saviour.

“Wanna ‘nother?” Jester offers, face curious now. She swallows. “How are you, Yasha?”

She blinks, taken aback. “I’m fine. Jester, are you okay? That’s— that was a lot up there.”

The answer is immediate. “I’m—” Jester stops. Frowns. “I’m fine too. You don’t need to worry about me, Yasha. I got what I wanted, didn’t I?”

That’s one way of looking at it. She got what she wanted, so all the other stuff, herself gone forever, separated from her friends, the Traveler, didn’t matter. A rationalization, driven by necessity, like the kind Yasha made in battle. Help Beau before she’s impaled on those spikes below her instead of helping Fjord, it’s fine Caduceus is right there next to him, and don’t waste any effort on that last guy Caleb’s about to torch. A different kind of survival, the kind where you swath your hurts in anything that makes it stop just so that the raw and aching parts of you can shrivel and die inside your chest. Whether that means smiles or bloody fists.

“I don’t think you wanted this,” she says softly. “Things suck. And they’re going to keep being like that.”

Jester’s lips press together very tightly. She doesn’t look at her. Yasha has never thought of any of her friends as delicate, but now, she thinks that’s the problem. They’re strong. All of them. Strong enough to fight false gods and save villages and reverse death. Strong enough to face horrors most would never dream, and then lose. Someday, she fears they’ll go charging in somewhere they shouldn’t, into a chamber of laughing mouths, swallowing her whole. A clouded night and a clear moon leaving them devastated beneath it, one less to their number.

Not tonight. But it was close enough that her mind instinctively shies away from it.

“You ever think that maybe you put too-high expectations on someone without knowing it,” Jester says, breaking the silence. She tugs at the sleeves of her high-priestess outfit, “And then they try to live up to what you want them to be, but they can’t and then it goes wrong and you know that when it does it’s because of you and kind of really your fault? Like you were the one to set them up for failure in the first place?” It all comes out in a rush, her voice wobbling on the edge of tears as she rambles. “D’you ever feel like that, Yasha?”

There’s a tumultuous set to the lines of her mouth, pulled back into a grimace, too stiff for smiling, too desperate for frowning. What do you say to something like that and how can she say it with Jester looking at her like she knows the answer to her question, the plea she’s making. How do I make it right?

She licks her lips, still sticky-sweet.

“You know it wasn’t your fault, right?”

“I know,” she whispers. And then, softly, an admission of guilt, “but I would have left you guys. I would have.” Jester chuckles. “How did this happen? I didn’t mean— I mean, how did I even make him a god?”

Yasha doesn’t know anymore than she does how to make Jester feel better now. To reassure her this wasn’t her fault, at its core, none of it. “I don’t know.”

“No. That’s alright.” No words have ever sounded so small.

She thinks of Zuala. She’s always thinking, at least a little, about Zuala, but right now she thinks of her pulling them up the side of a hill, a little ways away from the tribe, about the way her fingers had fit neatly between Yasha’s own and how the last thing she remembers before leaving Xhorhas is the sound of thunder.

“You ever think,” Yasha repeats slowly, “people choose to leave because of you? Or not you personally, but because of your decisions, the choices you make. And when you think back, you realize if you had done something different, they might not have chosen to leave at all?” Jester listens in rapt silence and then her mouth opens into a horrified little ‘o’ and Yasha forges on. “And then, if they’re going to leave, should I just go first so I don’t have to watch them do it?”

“Yasha, we’re not going to leave you,” Jester says, almost demanding, voice cracking with the remnants of tears swallowed back.

“No, I know. But I’ve always left you guys,” She says, the night cold against the back of her throat. “And today, you almost left us. You weren’t going to come back from that. We would have gone to get you, but would you have tried to come back to us?”

“Of course!”

“Even if it meant leaving behind the Traveler?” Yasha asks, “Even if it meant letting him take his punishment?”

Jester bites her lower lip and Yasha watches as a brief conflict plays out across her body, fists clenching and unclenching. “That’s not a fair question. I can’t answer that.” She says it like an apology.

Yasha takes a breath and accepts it. She expects nothing less from her, the girl who painted flowers in her room, who stakes her whole self on what she would do for her friends.

She can taste iron and bitter wind like dread in her mouth. “That’s okay. Just— just don’t leave in the first place. We would be sad without you. I’m not even sure what we would do. Probably just mope around all day. Get nothing done.” There’s a ring of truth to the words that hit too close to home to be even remotely funny.

Then, there are arms around her, enveloping and warm. “I’m not going anywhere.” The words are muffled against her chest, likely to hide the quiet sound of rasping around more tears.

“Don’t leave,” Yasha says.

“Do you think,” Jester asks, “ having to ask all these questions is worth it because at least now I have more family to keep worrying about?”

There used to be a hollow in her heart, one that now purrs in some kind of satisfaction and she allows it it’s victory. “Yeah. In a weird way, I’m kind of glad to have someone to leave.” The arms grow tighter around her and Yasha squeezes back comfortingly. “I don’t want to, don’t get me wrong, but if I didn’t have anyone to leave,” She hesitates, “I’d just be running away. If I leave, I know someone will miss me. I would exist in my absence.”

“I would miss you. Beau would definitely.” Jester pulls back, the rim of her eyes a little darker than before.

Her lips curve into a smile without her prompting, though she can’t quite bring herself to care. ““I have no plans to go anywhere unless it’s where the rest of you are all headed.”

“Good.”

The cleric is stiller, and though she hadn’t seemed outright distraught in the dome earlier, now she seems steadier. A port in the storm rather than the raging waves themselves, standing firm instead crashing out and into herself over and over.

“Does asking these questions help you usually?”

Jester shows the nearly-empty velvet bag of candy to Yasha who notices she has to almost unclench her fingers from their stiff position around it. “Not nearly as much as the candies.”

“You think,” she echoes in a mimicry of their earlier conversation, “you’re ready to head back?”

“Yeah. Yasha?” Jester asks, tucking away the little bag.

“Thank you.”

“You’re important to me,” Yasha tells her and finds a little more joy in the soft smile that graces Jester’s mouth as she does. “Thank you for staying.”

She keeps her eyes on her friend’s back, her steps not quite the light skip they are usually, but lighter now. A part of her wishes she could take their group and bundle them away from the world, cruel and unfair to the best of them. Another part looks at the sea line, just barely visible over the tips of forest trees, and wonders how long into the night she would have to trek to make it there before the others wake. If Yasha squints, she can see a tiny light somewhere between the waves. A lighthouse on the shore, maybe, or a star touching down where the horizon meets the sea.

Ahead of her, Jester runs her fingers through the little velvet bag Yasha had given her over and over again like she can’t help but remind herself of the gift. A smile still rests on her lips.