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bellatriestowritesometimes · 4 months

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To Know - Part 2

aaron hotchner x reader

you can read Part 1 here!

warnings: none i don't think? just the usual angst.

tags: @jazzimac1967 mrs-ssa-hotch

word count: 6,4k

A/N: (scott foley (jake from scandal) is who i picture henry as). i'm aware that timelines don't match up, i simply just took the characters i wanted and wrote them into this story the way i needed them to fit.

**i haven't proof read this so there may be errors which i'll get to tomorrow**

hope u enjoy xx

It was 8 am when your alarm went off, however you were already awake. You hadn’t slept at all, a mixture of guilt and confusion kept you awake. Avery was still asleep next to you so you decided not to wake him.

You made your way into the bathroom and turned on the shower, letting the water get warm whilst you slipped off your pyjamas. Once all of your clothes were off you stepped back in it and let the scolding water run down your skin. You began your shower routine but your mind was elsewhere.

You still couldn’t figure out if you regretted your actions. If you regretted going up to his room with that damn phone instead of leaving it at reception. You hadn’t thought about him for a long, long time and you were adamant that seeing him at your best friend’s wedding wouldn’t make you feel any different, but you were very obviously wrong. If you had known, you would’ve told Henry to remove him from the guest list.

You were happy with Avery is what you kept telling yourself and you never once questioned that until today. Henry was the one that introduced you to one another and you were dating for over a year before he proposed and the two of you had eloped a few months later in Rome.

That was the fastest you had let anyone in, especially someone you were dating, but you thought surely things couldn’t end up worse with Avery than they did with Hotch.

You were now downstairs, fully dressed with a cup of coffee in your hand. You received a text from Henry informing you that there was a change of plans. Him and Luca were going to skip brunch but he didn’t want you to miss out on spending time with your former teammates so he left the reservation in place. Henry knew you didn’t get to see all of your friends from the BAU often anymore so he thought this would be a perfect time for a catch up. He had already paid for their flights and the hotel for the weekend and thought this would be a good way to end the trip before they all had to head back home tomorrow morning.

You heard shuffling upstairs which meant that Avery was now awake as JJ and her family were staying in the guest house which was situated towards the back of your garden. A few minutes went by and there he was in the kitchen with you.

“Good morning my love,” he spoke softly and placed a kiss on the top of your head,

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” He asked as he headed straight for the coffee machine. He was still in his pyjama bottoms and had thrown on a sweatshirt, you assumed it was because he didn’t know if you were downstairs alone or with JJ. As you watched him make his coffee, you couldn’t ignore the twinge of guilt that took over you.

“Just thought you deserved some extra rest,” you mustered up a small smile.

“Besides we don’t have to leave until just before 11,” you continued.

“Did you get home okay? I didn’t even hear you come in” Avery asked as he sat down opposite you.

“I did. Got in just after half past 3 I think, you were already asleep,” you replied and saw Avery furrow his brows slightly.

You could tell he was trying to silently work out why it had taken you close to two hours to get home when the hotel was only a 10 minute drive from where the wedding reception was, and it was only a 20 minute drive from the hotel back to your house.

“Emily threw up as soon as me and Spencer managed to get her upstairs to her room” you lied, “I stayed with her for a bit and got her settled,” you explained hoping that would be the end of the conversation.

You didn’t like lying to Avery. In fact, this was the first time you had done it, but you decided that for now you would keep what happened between you and Hotch a secret.

“That was nice of you,” he spoke and gave you a smile.

You heard someone slide the kitchen door open and turned around to see JJ making her way in with a cup of coffee in her hand.

“Good morning,” she chirped and took a seat next to you.

“Morning,” you and Avery both replied in sync.

“Looks like everyone is on the caffeine first thing today,” Avery joked as he stood up and saw the grip JJ had on her mug.

“Tell me about it – I could barely get myself out of bed let alone the boys so I’ve left Will in charge of getting them ready,” she replied.

Avery had excused himself to jump in the shower, leaving just you and JJ alone in the kitchen.

You indulged in light conversation with her about the wedding yesterday, leaving the minuscule detail of you sleeping with Hotch out. She was showing you the pictures she had taken on her phone and you did the same. She was swiping through pictures of Emily and Rossi until she got to one with Beth and Hotch. Her thumb hesitated slightly over her phone as she decided on what to do. She eventually continued swiping to the left, showing you the rest of the photos she had taken.

“Did you get a chance to speak with him last night?�� She treaded lightly as she locked and laid her phone down to one side.

“Uhm no not really,” you lied once again. Although that wasn’t a complete lie because you genuinely didn’t… You were busy doing other things to him.

“Are you going to…?” she questioned sympathetically.

You let out a sigh, not out of annoyance but out of defeat. You couldn’t deny that you wanted closure, to know why he did the things he did. You weren’t stupid, you could piece most of the parts together, but you longed for the explanation to come out of his mouth and not out of your head. But that was something you were too stubborn to admit out loud. You had acted like this didn’t hurt as much as it did. You had put on a happy face for everyone and pretended that everything was okay and that you were fine, until one day it began feeling like this could eventually be okay, and that one day you were going to be fine and move past this.

And you truly felt like you had reached that point, up until now where everything you had suppressed was coming back up.

“You need closure Y/N,” JJ said as if reading your mind. “I know it’s been years since the incident and you both have moved on but do you really want to waste any more time trying to figure things out on your own when you have the chance to do it now with him?” She placed her hand over yours, giving it a squeeze of encouragement.

“Just this once swallow your pride and go get the closure you deserve,” she finished.

The drive to brunch didn’t take long, you and Avery had taken both of your cars. JJ and the boys came with you whilst Avery and Will followed behind. It was a sunny day out and you welcomed the warmth you felt as you stepped out of the car. You had been to this brunch place several times with Avery before. It was a cosy little restaurant decorated with plants and flowers, with large floor to ceiling windows looking over the seating outside in the garden, which was where Henry had booked out a large table for everyone.

You made your way through the little restaurant until you reached the doors leading out to the garden area, you noticed everyone else was already seated and immersed in light conversation between themselves. Emily was sat at the end of the table so you took the free seat on her left with Avery sitting next to you. Opposite you sat Penelope and right next to her sat Beth along with Hotch.

You greeted Beth politely as you sat down, avoiding Hotch but you could feel his eyes on you.

The atmosphere seemed easy going as you all waited for the food and you had managed to avoid any direct conversation with Hotch or Beth, until the topic of wedding locations had come around.

“I don’t think I asked you where the two of you got married?” Beth asked innocently, aiming the question towards you and Avery.

Your eyes briefly shifted to Hotch who was watching you attentively. Bringing your eyes back to Beth, you answered her question.

“Rome” you said, “We got eloped in Rome,” you gave her a smile and placed your hand on Avery’s as you turned to him, your eyes silently begging for him to take this conversation over.

“Aw that sounds so lovely!” Beth replied.

“Yeah it was quite sudden actually, we had been engaged for a few months and were on holiday and just decided to do it then and there…” Avery continued explaining, but you had zoned out completely and all you could focus on was Hotch, and the way his eyes hadn’t moved from yours since Beth’s question.

….

“I can’t believe we’re married,” you whispered in disbelief to your husband as he held you close during your first dance.

“I know. I am the luckiest man alive,” Hotch whispered back as his lips grazed gently over your ear.

He wasn’t much of a dancer and you knew he hated the attention so the two of you gently swayed to the music whilst your friends surrounded and watched in awe, probably all just as relieved that this day had finally come, knowing they didn’t have to watch you and Hotch hide your feelings for each other any longer.

“I want to go to Rome,” you declared softly, “just you and me, away from everyone and everything for a little while.”

“We can go wherever you want baby. I’ll have the flights booked for first thing tomorrow” he agreed.

The music continued to play and you moved closer to Hotch, resting the side of your head on his chest, feeling him breathe in and out which brought you some sort of tranquillity.

Everything after that happened in slow motion. Your breath was suddenly knocked out of you and your whole body felt almost on fire. You couldn’t understand what was happening, until you felt another blow to your chest. You had looked down, and what was once a white wedding dressed had now quickly turned into a deep shade of red.

You felt your legs give way and felt Hotch’s arms wrap around your waist in an attempt to catch you and gently lay you down. You remembered him taking off his blazer and using that to try and stop the bleeding that was coming from your chest. You could see his lips move and you could hear the commotion around you but couldn’t make out a thing he was saying. It wasn’t long until your vision got worse and the blurriness took over.

…..

“I’ve never been to Rome,” Beth’s voice brought you back to reality, “I’d love to visit one day.”

“You should, its beautiful,” you replied and looked at Beth bringing your attention to her instead of Hotch.

“Just going to use the ladies room,” you said quietly to Avery as you stood up and excused yourself.

You were trying to blink back the tears that were threatening to spill as you rushed to the nearest bathroom. You didn’t know if it was your mind playing tricks but you could’ve sworn you felt someone run after you. Your suspicion was quickly confirmed as you saw a hand reach in as you were shutting the bathroom door. You hesitated slightly and considered slamming the door shut anyway, but Hotch had used a bit more force and managed to get the door open just enough for him to squeeze in.

You turned away from him and gripped the sink as you threw your head down. You really didn’t want to do this, especially not now but you heard the lock click and knew he wouldn’t let you leave until you had spoken things through.

“Can we talk about what happened last night?” Was the first thing that came out of his mouth. The bathroom was already small enough as it is and it had now felt even smaller with Hotch standing behind you watching your every move. The air felt thick and your heart was beginning to race.

“Nothing happened Hotch, it was a mistake. A mistake that you need to move on from instead of locking me in a bathroom and forcing me to give you an explanation - I’m not the one who needs to explain myself!” You raised your voice slightly and turned around to finally face him.

“Have you told Avery?” He asked calmly, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Have you told Beth?” You retaliated getting visibly annoyed.

“No,” he stated simply as you looked away trying to focus on a painting that was hung on the wall.

The more you looked at him the more you wanted to crumble and you hated that. It made you feel weak. You had your own way of dealing with your emotions, which frequently involved supressing everything down and acting like everything was fine. Although it wasn’t the healthiest way of coping, it helped you become stronger. But there stood the man that was going to completely break down the wall you had spent so long trying to build up in a matter of seconds.

“I wrote to you every day,” were the next words that fell out of his mouth.

“Where? In your diary?” You questioned knowing damn well you hadn’t received a single letter, email, text or call.

“I wrote you letters every single day,” he kept his tone gentle and calm as he tried moving closer to you.

“I didn’t receive a single fucking thing from you aside from the divorce papers!” You spat trying to take a step back but that was as far as you could go without falling into the sink.

“Maybe you should speak to Henry about that,” he replied dryly.

“So let me get this straight. You followed me into the bathroom, have practically trapped me in here just so you could blame my best friend for your own actions-“

“That’s not what I’m doing,” he interrupted to defend himself.

“That’s exactly what you’re doing Hotch, and the worst part is you’re telling me all of this now when Henry isn’t here to speak for himself!” You were having none of it. You couldn’t believe the audacity he had to try and spin this on Henry, who was the one that was actually there by your side when you needed him to be.

“Y/N I did what I thought was best. What everyone thought was best to keep you and Jack safe. I tried reaching out to you once Jack and I were safe to come out of witness protection, but you sent me a letter saying that you’ve moved on with your life, and that it was best for us to go our own separate ways.” He took another step closer trying to grab you but you pushed him away.

“Get away from me!” You warned as you tried to process everything that he was saying.

“Y/N please. Why would I lie to you? Do you really think that low of me?” You could hear the desperation in his voice once again, just like you heard it the first time in his hotel room.

“You don’t want to know the answer to that,” you let out a laugh. You felt dizzy, like the rug had just been pulled from beneath your feet. You could hear what he was saying but none of it was making sense, or you didn’t want it to make sense because that would mean the one person who was pretty much the only family you ever had, had spent years lying to you.

“I’m so sorry Y/N, you didn’t deserve to go through any of it. You may not think much of me now but you have to believe that I didn’t want for any of this to go the way that it did. It killed me leaving you behind, not knowing if you were going to be okay or not. I waited until you were out of surgery but I couldn’t stay any longer without putting anyone else at risk.” He was finally saying all the things you wanted to hear but instead of them bringing you comfort or relief they brought you anger and pain.

“You need to go,” you tried to keep your voice steady.

“Please just go, I need a minute,” you spoke as you turned your back to him once again, trying to focus on the sink that was in front of you.

After a few moments had passed, you eventually heard the lock click again and the sound of the door shutting told you he left. You walked back to it and locked the door once again ensuring you had the privacy that you wanted.

You let out a sob that you were trying so hard to contain when Hotch was in here with you. Your hands flew to your mouth in an attempt to stop the uncontrollable cries you were letting out. You let yourself have 3 minutes to get everything out of your system before you left the bathroom and made your way back to your seat.

You looked just as you did when you left and no one even batted an eye when you came back.

“Everything all good?” Avery leaned into you.

“Yes love, just got a text from Henry. I’ll need to stop at his once we’re done here if that’s okay? Something about a case he’s working on,” you lied to your husband once again, but it was absolutely believable. Henry was a workaholic so Avery didn’t even question why he was working on a case just a day after his wedding.

Once everyone had drank, ate and spoke as much as they could you all decided that it was time to wrap the afternoon up. The group began dispersing with some going to do some sightseeing, some going to do shopping and some had headed back to the hotel.

JJs family had decided to do some sightseeing and decided to walk from the brunch place so you didn’t have to worry about driving them anywhere, but you and Avery offered to pick them up once they were done.

Your incident with Hotch had left you feeling even more confused than before and there was only one other person you could go to for answers. Avery had some errands to run and you told him you might be a while with Henry so that pretty much cleared the rest of the afternoon for you.

You made your way to Henry’s and Luca’s apartment, you weren’t sure if they were going to be home but that didn’t matter as you had the spare key that Henry had given you.

You had banged several times on their door and were about to use your spare key until Luca opened it.

“Hey what are you doing here?” Luca asked, surprised to be seeing you.

“Where is he?” You yelled as you stormed into their home, completely ignoring Luca’s question.

“He’s in his office, is everything okay? Has something happened? What’s he done now?” He questioned whilst trying to catch up with you as made your way to Henry.

The door to the room was slightly ajar and he was sat behind his task typing away on his computer.

“Where are they?” You shouted angrily, marching into his office.

“Where’s what?” Henry replied not even lifting his eyes away from the laptop.

“The letters Henry!” You called out and slammed his laptop shut almost trapping his fingers.

“What the hell was that?!” He asked as he abruptly stood up from his seat.

“What letters? What the hell are you on about Y/N?” He continued but once he took a good look at your face his confusion was replaced with realisation.

“You know exactly what I’m on about,” you hissed, “the letters that Hotch had sent me. You know the ones you forgot to tell me about?”

You heard Luca mumble an ‘oh god’ before he turned around and left the two of you in his office.

“Fine! You’re not going to tell me where they are I’ll just fucking find them myself!” You spat and began pulling everything out of his cabinets leaving a sea of papers all over his floor.

“Okay! Alright! I will give them to you, just please stop and let me explain,” Henry finally blurted out after having enough of watching you wreck his office.

You stopped in your tracks and watched him as he moved to a cupboard near his desk which had a safe inside. You heard him enter his pin and shuffle around inside until he pulled out a shoe sized box.

He cautiously handed it over to you, and you took one of the seats opposite the desk Henry was sitting behind before you stormed in there. You opened the box slowly and began pulling the contents out. It was filled with letters; some were opened some were not but it looked like there was close to a hundred of them in there. You couldn’t stop your hands from shaking as you tried opening an envelope that was on top, and immediately recognised the handwriting as you eventually pulled the letter out.

“What is this…” you whispered “Why do you have these?” You began taking more out, skimming over the writing.

“Why do you have these?” You asked again but this time a lot louder.

“Henry why the hell do you have these?!” You asked for the third time whilst shoving them back into the box and standing up.

“I can explain everything Y/N but you need to promise me that you’ll see my side of this too,” Henry pleaded.

“Promise you? You think you’re in a position to be demanding promises?? You’ll be lucky if I ever talk to you again after this! Now you better start explaining why you have kept these from me for all these years!” You swallowed the sick that was rising up your throat.

“You have to understand that I didn’t want you to end up like Haley…” he began, “I was scared of losing you okay? I couldn’t live with myself if you had ended up dead and I did nothing to protect you. So myself, Rossi, and Hotch all agreed that it was best to put Jack and Hotch into witness protection as soon as possible once we realised that it was Peter Lewis who shot you. He was stalking both you and Jack for weeks before you got shot. You were still in surgery and it wasn’t looking good so we agreed that whatever the outcome was going to be, that I’d stay with you at all times and as soon as we would get the OK from the doctors we would have you moved to a private hospital in London.” Henry explained, but you already knew this information.

“Henry – I already know all of this. Can we skip to the part where you tell me why on earth you hid all of these letters?”

“I am getting there Y/N. Hotch only agreed to go into witness protection if he could still get updates on how you were doing which we agreed would come from me. Once you had come out of your coma and understood what had happened I had obviously told Hotch the good news. He wanted to reach out to you, but I thought it was too risky as we had gotten nowhere in locating Peter Lewis and I didn’t want to endanger you again. We then eventually agreed that I would set a PO box up where he could send you letters, which was still too risky for my liking but he wouldn’t give up. You were recovering well and it was such a relief to know that you were going to be okay...” He paused, “but then Lewis had kidnapped Tara’s brother and managed to escape once again, and that was enough of a reason for me to keep all of his letters away from you and ask Hotch to divorce you.“

Your mouth had practically fallen on the floor after you heard his last sentence.

“But that wasn’t your choice to make Henry,” you began sobbing.

“I know but I didn’t care Y/N. I was not going to have you at risk again, and this time if Peter Lewis came looking, you wouldn’t be a target anymore. Hotch had left you after you were shot and served you with divorce papers. That didn’t sound like much of a reason for Lewis or anyone else, wanting to get to Hotch to come after you again.”

There was a few minutes of complete silence before you spoke again.

“And what about me? What about how I was feeling or what I wanted?” You cried. “How could you do this to me? I am not some doll that you get to play with and control!” You felt the angriness come back in full force.

“How could you face me every single day knowing that you were lying about something this big and not have an ounce of guilt? How many times did you listen to me cry over Hotch and what a fucking mess my life had become and never once did you have the decency to tell me the truth!” You yelled.

“I was going to tell you everything once Lewis was caught but when that day came you were seeing Avery and you were starting to look and act more like yourself and I thought that it was better to not bring the past back up, so I decided to keep the letters to myself and-”

“You wrote one back to Hotch pretending it was me, telling him that it was best to go our separate ways,” you finished his sentence.

“You make me sick,” you uttered as you stood up and made your way towards the door not wanting to be in his presence any longer.

“That’s okay you can hate me all you want. I’d rather have you spend the rest of your life hating me than for you to not be here at all.” Henry replied.

“And I would do it all again if I had to!” You heard him yell as you left his office.

You made eye contact with Luca who was sitting at his kitchen island. He gave you a sympathetic smile knowing how cruel Henry could be when he wanted to.

“He’s despicable,” you sighed in defeat.

“I know. But he cares about you,” Luca replied.

Without saying anything else you left the apartment, making a run to the nearest bin and had threw up everything you ate at brunch.

You had spent what felt like hours in your car, reading through the notes and letters that Hotch had sent you. He had wrote to you almost everyday up until him and Jack came out of witness protection.

His letters were filled with apologies and things you had never gotten the chance to hear him say to you. They felt intimate, like he had taken the contents of his heart and spilled everything out on pieces of paper.

Once you had enough of torturing yourself you decided it would be best to head home. So you took the longest route back hoping the drive would help clear your head. That’s what everyone always says, that they’re going for a drive to help clear their head. Well they’re liars because you felt no different when you pulled up to your house. You felt like you needed to down at least 4 bottles of wine and that’s what you decided to do.

You noticed that Avery’s car was still gone and none of the lights inside your house were on. Part of you was relieved that he wasn’t home. He knows you well enough to know when somethings wrong no matter how well you try to hide it, and this was the last thing you wanted to explain to him.

You had grabbed the most expensive bottle of wine you had along with a glass and set up camp on your sofa, intending to completely drown your sorrows and be too drunk to explain anything to Avery once he finally gets back home.

You were well into the first bottle when you heard shuffling in the kitchen and JJ popped her head into the living room.

“Hey I didn’t know you were home, I thought you were still out, come sit!” You patted the seat next to you.

“Yeah we were, but the boys were shattered so we came back home. Will and Avery both left not too long ago for a drive and said they were going to grab some food. Is everything okay?” She asked as she sat down next to you on the sofa.

“Let me get you a glass before I explain everything, trust me you’re gonna need it.”

You retuned back to the living room with a glass for JJ and another bottle of wine and then you told her everything. From the hotel room, to the bathroom incident at brunch, to when you went to confront Henry, and lastly about the letters Henry had hid from you.

By the time you fished talking, the second bottle of wine was almost empty and her face was in complete disbelief.

“Wow,” was all she could say.

“I know.. But there’s one thing that I don’t understand,” you said taking a sip of your wine and JJ nodded her head indicating for you to continue.

“Why would Hotch agree to divorce me simply because Henry said so.. I mean I can certainly blame Henry for keeping the letters from me and feeding me all these other lies but at the end of the day it takes two to tango..”

“Henry could be very persuasive when he wanted to and Hotch would’ve agreed to anything if he felt it would help keep you safe, even if it was something that he didn’t want to do,” JJ spoke softly.

“I guess..”

“They had a fight at the hospital you know,” JJ revealed with a smirk.

“They did?” You almost gasped as this was news to you.

“Yup. Me, Morgan and Rossi were outside so we didn’t see it but Henry had stormed out with a bloody nose and a cut up lip…and then the weirdest thing happened..” she paused.

“What?” You urged her to continue.

“I don’t even know how to describe it.. But once Henry left the room Hotch had let out this noise. I can’t even compare it to a cry more of a wail or something. It was frightening.. Rossi went in to check on him but told me and Morgan to wait outside,” she shrugged her shoulders slightly and neither of you were smiling anymore.

“Believe me Y/N when I tell you that this has hurt him just as much as it has hurt you. I don’t think he wanted for any of this to happen at all..” JJ finished.

You considered her point. This whole time you had thought of Hotch as almost the villain, but you were thinking what Henry wanted you to think. You never considered how he must’ve felt, to have to watch his wife get shot on your wedding day and then not be able to stay with you through better or worse without putting you or his son in further danger.

The sound of the doorbell brought you out of your thoughts but JJ was already up on her feet and offered to get it.

You split what was left of the wine between yours and JJs glasses until she was back in the living room with a wary look on her face.

“Who is it? If it's Henry tell him to go away," you said to JJ but noticed there was someone was behind her.

“No Henry just me,” you heard Hotch speak as he moved from behind JJ and was now standing next to her.

“I’m uh going to check on the boys,” she announced as she grabbed her wine glass and disappeared from the living room.

"May I come in?" Hotch asked as he shifted his weight from one foot to another with his hands in his pockets.

"Why are you here?"

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay from earlier." He kept his tone soft and gentle just like he did when he had followed you into the bathroom.

You couldn't believe that this was still the same day and it still hasn't ended.

"Well I'm obviously not Aaron, you were right," you sighed in defeat and watched him take a seat next to you.

"I'm sorry," he whispered for what had felt like the hundredth time.

You sat in silence for a few minutes, neither of you knowing what else to say. Without realising the both of you were now inches apart, with your eyes on the ceiling whilst Hotch watched you from the side.

"We're horrible people," you mumbled and turned to face Hotch.

"I think we're just two people who are still in love," he replied as though it was the simplest answer in the world. As though it didn't matter that both of you had cheated on your partners.

"It doesn't matter, you're with Beth and I'm married to Avery."

"I know, but if things had been different you would still be married to me," you heard him say as one of his hands gently cupped your face and his thumb traced the outline of your lips.

The gesture alone was enough to make you melt into his skin. You had missed his touch so much.

"But they're not, you have a flight to catch and I have a life here.."

"I would move here for you. I would move to wherever you wanted me to. I would wait until Jack's finished school and we could both move here, all you have to do is just say the word, it would be a fresh start for him and me."

He was talking like a crazy person. You would never make him and Jack move to another country. It wouldn't be fair on Jack having to leave all his friends and family behind and start all over at a new school, that poor boy has gone through enough. In all the years you had known Hotch he never did anything on a whim, he always thought everything out to the last minuscule detail, so to hear him say that he would up and move his and Jack's whole life made you feel like he hadn't thought this out properly.

"But I don't want you to," you lied to yourself and to Hotch. "You ever thought that all of this has happened for a reason?"

"Please don't tell me you're into signs now, you're a profiler you should know better," Hotch rolled his eyes and you could see a small smile playing on his lips.

"Don't you dare laugh at me Aaron," you gave him a playful shove on his shoulder and at that point he couldn't contain his smile or his laughter.

The sound of him laughing was intoxicating and you couldn't hide your own smile that was now sprawled across your face as you joined in. You had to laugh or else you would cry.

"I'm serious, we already had one chance and look at the way that turned out. Maybe this is for the best.." You said as the laughter died down reminding you of what the reality was.

The light from Hotch's eyes and his smile were now gone, replaced by a stoic expression.

"You should get back to Beth Aaron, we're only making this worse for ourselves," you spoke and placed one of your hands on his knee giving it a squeeze and began standing up.

"I don't want to leave you again," you heard him quietly say as he followed your lead and stood up.

You didn't reply, you just slowly walked through your hallway and stopped at your front door.

"So I guess this is a goodbye?"

"I guess it is.." As much as you didn't want it to be, your gut was telling you that this was the right thing to do.

You took one last look at him as he took one last look at you, neither of you wanting this to be the end.

"Take care of yourself Y/N."

"Wait!" You called out.

"Kiss me before you go!"

And that's exactly what he did. He took three long strides to get to you and wrapped one of his arms around your waist whist the other ran through your hair as he pulled you in. All the tension between the both of you unravelled in the kiss. You parted your mouth allowing him to slip his tongue in, feeling his hot breath against your lips. It wasn't a soft, gentle kiss it was rough and longing. You had spent many nights thinking about how he would taste, how his mouth would feel on yours, and now that it's finally happened you didn't know how you could ever survive without him.

You were both almost gasping for air as he pulled away.

"Go before I change my mind," you breathed.

"But just call me sometime," you added as he placed one last kiss on your lips before leaving.

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nicromancytarot · 2 months

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WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU WERE TO CHANGE CAREER PATHS?

This is a general reading based on a collective of people. Take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. If you don’t feel the pile resonates with you, don’t be scared to try another, if it still doesn’t feel right, that’s ok! Maybe our energies aren’t as connected and my readings are not for you.

I do these strictly for fun and educational purposes. I don’t change for these readings and I do not fake readings. I would tell you the cards I got but I pull like 20-30 cards each reading and that just slightly a strenuous task to write them all down lmao.

PICK A CARD READING

I asked my spirit guides what would happen if you were to change your current career path, pick a pile and see what they had to say!

Pile 1 ———> Pile 2 ———> Pile 3

PILE 1

You guys seem to be in a current job which you’re not feeling all that fulfilled in, this is either to do with the community that surround this job, the work that you are given, or possibly the work that this job requires. For some of you, you may feel outcasted from a larger group of individuals, some of you may even go through “bullying” stages, or harassment in the workplace. Others of you are overwhelmed with the amount of work that you are being given, and possible over exaggerated standards that you are expected to meet in the workplace. For the rest of you it’s to do with the actual work itself, you may not be feeling very happy in this field, perhaps you gave up a hobby or passion project to take part in this workplace.

The reason I say this is because I notice that the pay isn’t necessarily the issue for a lot of you, the job you’re currently in does seem to be paying you well, and gives you a good amount of leadership and possible creative freedom. Changing your career path would be a very big difference, it’s not something that you are used to, and it’s not the same as your current job.

For a lot of you I am feeling that this is some type of business that you want to begin building and working on, perhaps something that you have been dreaming about for a few years. A lot of you are stressed about the time and energy this project would take to perfect, and are mainly failed about the possibility of it failing and you being left jobless.

Those of you who are not planning on starting a business, this links into some job that is more creatively freeing and fun for you, perhaps you’re going from a classic barista job, and changing into a graphic design field instead, there’s definitely a large amount of change and difference for all of you however.

Whatever you are choosing to do and how you are deciding to change this, you’re all very stressed out about the possibility of failure and being unsuccessful. Of course you could fail, but that’s a given is it not? With trying this, you could literally become a millionaire lmao, with so much perseverance and resilience, you can take this wherever you please.

For business people, makeup? Gloss?

A lot of you are scared of reaching out to people, whether it be making new friends at your new workplace, or finding yourself a trusted team to help you with your passion project. (I’m getting heavy passion project honestly)

Doing this will get you taken more seriously, it will take a while to nurture this decision and create the career path that you want for yourself, but with bravery and strength, you have the potential to create whatever dreams you have and bring them to life.

PILE 2

I feel like a lot of you are in a job that doesn’t pay you enough to sustain your living situation, almost like you’re a corporate slave? I’m getting the feeling of living in New York and struggling to pay your bills, or living somewhere which is below the bare minimum and making you feel like shit. Some of you could really be struggling with housing at the moment, possibly bug or rat infestations, a lot is going wrong, peeling paint, mould, it’s certainly not ideal.

Some of you are in a relationship with someone who would help you pay for your rent, or whatever you needed during your time of discovering your plans for your career in the future, even if this isn’t a romantic partner, it could be friends or family who are more than willing to lend a hand, masculines are very prominent for this pile.

I feel like leaving this job will give you some time to think about what you need to do next, what are the steps to take and how can you better your life?

I’m not getting business, however I am getting something that takes a lot to make work, perhaps you’ll be working alongside a friend, becoming an influencer, stepping into fame.

It’s giving very much “trust me” energy.

There are some people around you who won’t trust this or have much hope for it, you’ll have a good amount of individuals telling you to find a “proper job” or just go back to your old one.

You’re very sure about what you want after taking this small break away from everything, I see someone who knows what they have to do to make something work, as if they have it all planned, some of you might literally have a board like a detective, with strings pointing to certain opportunities or ideas.

You’ll get into this new thing very quickly, you’ll waste no time and give it your all, for those of you who are influencing or dipping your toe into the life of fame, you’ll be very good with handling criticism and hate, you’ll be very quick to brush it off and ignore those trolls, as you know that they are only jealous of you.

Your main motivator is your living situation.

The rest of you who are doing something else not relating to fame, you will be very defensive to the people around you who doubt your innovation and creativity to do what you want as a job.

Verrrrry quickly, this opportunity brings in those bags of money, I’m seeing someone doing the absolute least and then getting paid a ton for it.

How you will feel after this change will have something to do with your home, I’m seeing someone buying a much larger and stabler house, somewhere that they feel happy to bring their friends and family around to, I do see a lot of your money going into your housing situation.

PILE 3

Bro, are you guys sleeping with your boss or something??? There’s a heavy energy on workplace affairs, something to do with temptation, selfishness and love. This person that you are sleeping with, IS MARRIED!!!! Don’t go there, for the love of God.

Some of you could honestly be the work wife/husband, rather than an actual affair, however this person is down bad, but they only want you to have you, not to keep you.

This is a VERY specific message, only a few of you will relate to this, if it’s not your message, feel free to find another pile lmao, this one is insane.

For those of you who have been sleeping with or fawning over some person in your workplace, what are you doing?! Listen, I do not condone cheating, some of you are also cheating on your partner, oh my days.

This person has you in a metaphorical chokehold, they’ve got you in their arms, their spouse in their mind and their past rendezvous on speed dial. You’re getting ready to make a decision, you’re telling them about leaving the workplace and they are threatening you with telling everyone the truth. Their spouse already knows, I’m feeling like they are aware and just want you gone, they may even offer you some money to get you the hell out of their husband/wives life, they are not coming to play.

I’m seeing someone who will keep their money and reputation, meanwhile the other will only keep money, and say goodbye to their reputation. If people find out about the affair, they will turn on either one or you, however I’m feeling it point more towards you.

Fear not, create something new, spend the time working on it, and everyone will forget. It’s only one big scandal of the workplace, and they’re sure to do it with another, so you will soon be long forgotten.

For those of you who have romantic intentions or feelings for this person, they could be telling you that they’ll leave their spouse. Run. Run and do not look back, they are lying.

Working on something new, whether it be your own creation, or just something better paying and worthwhile in the long run, will help you achieve all you dream or achieving. I’m seeing someone who realised that they dodged a bullet, and now is possibly even their own boss, or married to their new one (slay)

I also see that you will “repent for your sins” the rest of your life (lmao, that’s so dramatic), but you will beg the universe for forgiveness for a while.

Also, for those of you who are cheating on your partner, you can work through it, they will forgive you, however I would recommend setting them free.

#tarot #tarotblr #tarotcommunity #tarot witch #free tarot #tarot reading #tarot cards #pick a card #pick a pile

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icy-watch · 3 days

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^^^^ me with Geo

So so so so so sooooooooooo

You've met GEO

My reasoning for loving him so much stems from Season 2 Part 1 so I can't fully explain

BUT

I can tell you some things that they show doesn't tell (I think):

Geo says that he's a Munch with the color of a Geckle but it's not true; he's half and half

If you didn't notice but only his left ear was pierced; a sign in the Gay community to other gays that you are gay back when being public about it was frowned upon

The man who wrote the episode "Land of Lost Things" and created Geo (I think he made the character) is gay himself! So in a way, Geo is a self-insert character

I am Aromantic. I just don't feel the need or want to have a romantic relationship. And that seems to have stepped over into the media I watch. I don't ship. I'm slightly romantic repulsed. I don't actively hate it, I just don't like it. I'm fine with canon ships like Jaya or Lumity (from Owl House (plz watch it)).

But something about Geo and Cole. Something about how they interact in Season 2 that just.........AUGHAUGHGHHAHG!!!!!!! It awoken something in me. I feel warm inside!!!! I found myself grinning ear to ear.

It could just be the fantastic writing, but it's so much more. The ship for Geo and Cole is called LostShipping and/or Geode. The fanbase kind of goes back and forth. I don't mind either.

I'm still aro, and I still cringe inside at most romance. But Geode is the one exception and the whole #savemyboycole thing is really dumb

Oh look, I did explain it all without spoiling lol

And yeah......there are ppl who are NOT happy about Geo and Cole. They're not even actually together yet some ppl on Twitter are pissy. They HAAAAATE Geo! It's stupid. First off, it's a lego. Second, it's a kids show. Calm down. It's not that bad/important. Some ppl see Cole as Gay (me) and others see him as straight. Both are fine. Both are cool. He's still the same guy.

Oh, and there's no minifig for Geo. I think it's bc of his hair. They don't have like a set piece of it or something.....eh....just make a plushie of him (and of Cole plzzzzzzzzzz) I'd buy 500 if they did honestly

And now that you've met him.....I am safe to change my pfp to GEO!!!!!!!! (I also LOVE his outfit so much!!!! I want it)

(I almost put in a pic of him in Season 2 and was like "Oops....back it up! Can't use that!")

Geo! A blorbo! He's such a bean!

I noticed something right off the bat with him looking like a Munce and a Geckle, so when he mentioned it, it kind of confirmed what I'd thought.

I totally remember the gay ear piercing thing! My cousin and uncle were double and triple checking when they got their ears pierced that they didn't get the wrong ear. And that was in the early 2000s. It's amazing what's changed in 20 years. (Note: this is not the cousin who got married in Malaysia last year. This is his older brother, the extreme goth who hosts the Halloween Birthday Party every year. The 1 where my sister pumped me up to do this.)

Oh! I love that little bit of trivia!

*gives you a virtual hug* I will always love my aro friendlies.

It's extremely rare to see a queer couple that is Comfortable and just Exists. With Geo and Cole, it feels natural and unforced. And I'm very glad for that. It's probably why shipping them feels... nice.

Idk, I'm rambling.

I'm guessing the #savemyboycole thing is connected to chriscreator0 somehow?

A characters sexuality or gender doesn't change who they are as a person, and I wish people who criticize media for including queer characters were more willing to understand that. Just bc something about them is revealed doesn't mean they still aren't the character that they liked.

Justice for Geo! We deserve an official minifig or plush of our pretty guy! I will shake my fist at LEGO until something is done for him.

#thanks for asking!#qua #little nightfury17

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genericeurofan · 5 months

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Review: Live From Arena Stožice

can you tell i’m on winter break and have nothing better to do?

1) Sunny Side of London

• What can I sayyyyy! we’ve had this live version out for a while now and it’s probably the only JO song that I 100% prefer live. It’s MADE for a live performance, for an audience that will have fun with it and participate. Great opening choice too! 9/10

2) Gola

• Felt much more energetic than the studio version! Gola isn’t my fave but I definitely like it more now that we have this live version! 8/10

3) Bele Sanje

• I think the best part about Bele Sanje are the little nuanced things like the “lalalala” and some of the electronics which I can’t really hear in the live version BUT I can’t complain….I loved it, especially the extended guitar part at the end (which im assuming is Jan lol) and the boys going absolutely CRAZY on backing vocals!

4) Plastika

• THE TRANSITION FROM BELE SANJE TO THIS?!?! HELLO?!?? MY SOUL ASCENDED!!! I can hear all of the electronics and all of the energy! I love that you can obviously tell that Plastika is a fan favorite! Bojan’s emotion in this live version (especially on “ne morem se odločit al se jočem al smejim) just took it to the next level imo. 10/10

5) Proti Toku

•Not much to say about it, I think it’s definitely more fun than the studio version but it just seems quiet to me??? idk?? 8/10 tho, it’s still a banger

6) Dopamin

• THIS!!!! I LOVE LOVE LOOOOOOOOVE THIS!!! I see clips of Dopamine on tiktok or something and it sounds more aggressive than in the studio, and im SOOOOO glad it sounds that way here! It’s such a cute, happy song but it’s so…HARD! Guitars were going CRAAAAAAAAZY, but we could still hear some of the little electronic bits. Byfar some of the best sounds of the album. 20/10

7) Padam

• I cry, I cry every time. Love the audience in this one and Bojan’s voice?!?? angelic. 9/10

8) Demoni

• WE FINALLY HAVE THE DEMONI SCREAM ON STREAMING PLATFORMS! The ONLY thing I think you have been better was just volume, i don’t feel the impact as much in this song as i do in some of the others (which is not the case for the studio albums). Loved how they kind of slightly played around instrumentally with the beginning and the end. All my homies love Demoni. 10/10

9) Katrina

• Ok so…..Katrina is by far my favorite Joker Out song so by default, I think this version is great. There was a lot more tension this go around which, in my mind, fits nicely with the lyrics. HOWEVER…… I think I hyped this up too much in my mind. It was still very very VERY good (and the sheer quality of Jan’s solo was just impeccable, which is what I was hoping for), just missing something that I can’t really put my finger on. 10/10 tho, stream Katrina for clear skin.

10) A sem ti povedal

Ok ok ok hear me out . I am an A sem ti povedal binge streamer, the studio version is what I think musical perfection is. Every time i see a live performance of it, it’s always tweaked in some way, which hurts my little studio-loving heart. I’m not gonna lie and say the trumpet solo was bad or anything, in fact I thought it was quite beautiful, but I don’t think it should have taken the place of the heart-melting intro in the studio version. HOWEVER, I got over that pretty quickly, with the acapella introduction and the buildup into the A-MA-ZING bridge. Personally I think Bojan’s little changes to how sings this one really made a difference, especially since they went ahead and changed like….most of the song anyways. Still, i was transported to another dimension with this one even though I am still a pretty strict A sem ti povedal purist. 9/10

11) Omamljeno telo

Fun, Fun, Fun! One of my favorite JO songs! It almost felt too short! 9/10

12) Kot Srce, Ki Kri Poganja

Martin girlies WYA?!?! EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS WAS PERFECT! from ACTUALLY performing Kot Scre, to releasing it in the album, to the evergy, and ESPECIALLY to having Matic and Martin, who absolutely ATE THIS UP!!! Did anyone else become a Kot Srce, Ki Kri Poganja girlie after this? because I certainly did! 15/10

13) Metulji

• Upon seeing a 6 minute version of Metulji i was very excited. Figuring out that most of it was straight up guitar was definitely something that grew on me after a few listens. One of my favorite things about the studio version of this song is just HOW Bojan sings (it just scratches my brain) and it still does that in this album, and it’s even MORE emotional! Instrumentally, I LOOOOOVED the little tiny changes they made, it really was so beautiful, and also tense, and a little scary! it’s crazy what you can do with sounds. 10/10

14) Vse Kar Vem

•ALSKDSKDKFJ I LOVE THIS SONG!!!! I dont speak Slovene but I FELT EVERY SINGLE WORD!!! Ofc knowing the lyrics helps, and all of that just made me …FEEL! I WAS FEELING FEELINGS! I could feel the audience feeling feelings!!!! What I don’t see talked about enough is how Jure SLAYED that drum break like LORD HAVE MERCYYYYY. 10/10

15) Barve Oceana

• BRAVE Oceana absolutely killed me…but speaking of Jure absolutely eating the girlies up, the drum break in this was just PERFECT. Also I loooooved being able to hear Nace during the first few verses, I never realized the bass part was so fun! AND THE BACKING VOCALS? THE AAAAAAAA’s? PERFECTION! 10/10

mr. maček i love you

16) Ngvot

• KRIS GUŠTIN YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS! ALWAYS! We all knew he could throw down with the songwriting, and it’s just so nice to be able to hear him sing it too! Ngvot is a classic, nothing much to say about this live version! 8.5/10

17) Vem Da Greš

• also another OP fave here and another beautiful transition into this from Ngvot! Also not too much to say about this one other than I felt it wasn’t as impactful as the studio version, like the buildups were just for nothing because the actual hits were lacking power. Also the faint children’s choir-esque sound was throwing me off? I heard it it Metulji too and idk what it is! 8/10

18) Ne Bi Smel

• part 3 of Jure absolutely killing it. Now THIS was powerful! So much energy, especially compared to the already super-fast studio version. Bojan’s voice was definitely one of the highlights (it is in every song, but especially here!)!

19) Ona

• to be honest, i’m not rocking with this jazz band version of it. The sultry sax intro was a great addition, setting up the plot of the song and everything, but this big brass thing throughout the song was not it for me. I think what I love about the studio version is the angry electronic things we hear, and we do hear it here, but it’s almost cancelled out by the brass? idk man, it’s a song about crying your eyes out every night because of a girl and it just wasn’t feeling like that! 7/10, I still love Ona

20) Tokio

• The audience did their part in this one! Another great one, I have no complaints. 10/19

21) Umazane Misli

• God i love this one! I think this had the perfect amount of experimentation in it for the song to sound like itself while also feeling fresh. Personally i would have preferred if there were no mics or instruments on during the part with the girl’s voice and just had the whole audience sing the whole thing, but that’s just a stylistic, nitpicky thing lmao. 9.5/10

22) Novi Val

• I cried, i’m still crying. 15/10

23) Carpe Diem

• Carpe Diem NEVER fails! This was the absolute best song to close out with in EVERY way! It’s fun with a sappy ending that wraps up the album and the show perfectly. I would have sold all of my limbs to be there during that. 20/10

#joker out #live from stožice #bojan cvjetićanin #kris guštin #jan peteh #nace jordan #jure maček #live music #music review #eurovision #eurovision 2023 #slovenia

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katarh-mest · 5 months

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alcohol PSA for writers

If your characters are drinking alcohol, but you yourself have never had any alcohol, it can be very VERY obvious if you have them get drunk within the first few sips of a strong drink.

Continue below if you want some education from a professional lush.

Alcohol actually takes some time to absorb in the bloodstream and start impacting behavior. It's why it is such a dangerous drug, and SO easy to abuse.

At a minimum, most people take at least 10 minutes before they start to get it circulating through the blood stream. That's on an empty stomach. You might have other effects besides the ethanol poisoning - strong liquor can make someone cough if they're not expecting it - but the euphoria and lowered inhibitions don't kick in for quite a while if you are drinking lower ABV stuff.

Most liquor is not drunk straight. Exceptions are things like whiskey and fortified wines like cognac. Mix the drinks with something non alcoholic, usually cut with sugar. Your characters are not going to down straight vodka (unless it's Mao Mao... then she totally would.)

Beer, wine, and ciders range in ABV from 3% (weaker beers) to 15% (stronger wines) compared to liquors which start at 20% ABV for the most part. The whiskey I drink straight is 35% ABV... and I drink it very slowly, very carefully, about 10 drams at a time (roughly 1.5 oz or so.) That is, one "standard" drink.

Other standard drinks: One 5% beer (12 oz can or bottle), one 5 oz pour of 15% wine, and 1.5-2 oz of a liquor that is 35%-40% (80 proof), vs a 0.75-1 oz pour of a 150 proof liquor. Proof maxes out at 190 and that's Everclear, aka 95% pure ethanol. 100 proof is 50% alcohol and you'll find that in things like vodka, gin, and tequila. These DO have flavors! But the flavors are buried underneath the ethanol, and need to be thinned out to be tasted, so they're almost always cut with something else to make the alcohol not be unpalatable.

If I'm drinking, here's about the levels of alcohol and how they affect me (I'm a 44 year old woman that has fairly high tolerance. Use this guide as a metric for your characters who can handle their liquor. Move everyone down a level if they are "lightweights" or have never had alcohol at all.)

1 standard drink makes me happy and pleasant, fun and giggly. I can still think, I can still drive as long as I've had something to eat and waited 30-45 minutes, and I get some of my best house cleaning done in this state

2 standard drinks make me slightly buzzed and approaching unsafe to drive (I hand over my keys at this point to the DD). Still fun and giggly, but also starting to lose my inhibitions. More likely to break something while cleaning.

3 standard drinks start to impair my ability to speak with my normal levels of clarity and articulation. I am not yet slurring my words, but my brain's CPU is now overheating.

4 standard drinks takes me out of the happy space and starts to make me sick. Its no longer fun. I cannot stand up straight. This is binge drinking.

5 standard drinks is going to have me vomiting if I drunk them too fast. I've got high tolerance so if I ate food I'll be okay, but if I don't drink enough water, I'll be hung over the next day.

If I'm beyond this, I'm probably passed out someplace. All but once that 1 time has been at home (that time I woke up on the couch of the fraternity whose party I was at. I was okay. I was lucky. Thank you, Alpha Kappa Psi bros, for putting me on the couch and giving me a glass of water. You were the MVPs.)

Alcohol is a poison. It is a poison. It's a delicious poison, and humans have the ability to process it, but it's still something that will make you very sick or kill you if you go too fast.

BONUS: High tolerance, low tolerance, and a tendency to alcoholism are all somewhat genetic. Our bodies need two enzymes to process alcohol, and if one processes fast and the other processes slow, the result is that some people "handle their liquor" naturally well, and others are going to be "lightweights" no matter how much they practice. Some folks actually get 0 of the happy euphoria from alcohol and go straight into the poison symptoms (this is known as "Asian Flush Syndrome" but it can impact people from any part of the world.) These folks will get sick from a single "standard" drink - but they are unlikely to ever get drunk, because they'll get sick long before they drink enough alcohol to reach that point. They make some of the best DDs out there, though, so if you know someone who experiences it, make them your best friend, offer to buy their coca colas and bar snacks, and hand them the keys after you have had drink #2.

#alcohol #writing #psa #alcohol PSA #tips for writers #I stop at 1 unless I'm at home or have a designated driver #I wrote this while I was drunk and came back and edited it 3 hours later btw #anyway stop writing your light weights as getting pass out drunk after a single taste of 15% wine #that's not how this works

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winterwrites23 · 10 months

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SoT as incorrect quotes based on @atsushis-fangs series part 1:

Seán: *is being oblivious like always*

Malcolm: damn, you're so oblivious, it's a wonder how you've even managed to survive this long. Were you dropped on your head as a baby?

*Flashback to Ireland proudly showing a baby North off to his brothers for the very first time holding him the same way Rafiki held Simba before accidentally dropping him on his head and panicking.*

Seán quietly: No.

---------

Andrew: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions Angus?

Angus: No.

Andrew: Oh...

Seán: I do!

Andrew: I know Seán.

Seán: I'm sad...

Andrew: I know Seán.

*You could also do this with Callum*

---------

*Seán whenever the clan were being assholes and he decides to be dramatic about it:* I am disgusted! I am revolted! I've spent 20 years of my life helping you out and THIS is the thanks I get!!!

*Proceeds to disappear within his pile of blankets.

---------

*Based on Andrew and Seán's argument scene.*

Seán: THAT'S WHY YOUR SHOES RAGGEDY!!!

Andrew: That's why your momma's dead.

Seán: 🗿

Andrew: Dead as hell.

Seán: 🗿

Andrew: What kinda shoes she got on?

Seán: 🗿

Andrew: What shoes she got on in her casket?

Seán: 🗿

Andrew: That's why your grandmommy ain't got no knees.

Seán: 🗿

---------

*Based on when Ireland and Scotland find out that North had been teleported somewhere.*

*Scotland slowly backing away from Ireland because he knows that Ireland probably isn't too happy with him at the moment.*

*Ireland smiling like a serial killer:* Scotland. Where are you going???

Scotland: *Starts booking it out of the train.*

*Ireland's head twitches slightly and his smile widenes; says calmly:* Seize him.

*A flock of seagulls descend on Scotland screeching and pecking him.*

Scotland: *Screams.*

---------

The last one is based on a short by NaturalHabitatShorts on YouTube:

-Anonymous A

Omfg these are golden and totally on point 😂😂😂😂

#I wish it happened like the simba one xD #in my hc of Ireland introducing North to the brothers is more like the smoothie meme #*brothers sees Ireland holding a baby North* what do you got there bro?#*drinking coffee one handed while holding North* just a cuppa…#hetalia #outlander au #sot incorrect quotes #hws northern ireland #thank you for contributing its glorious xD

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parasite-core · 1 month

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253 OC questions

@scarlet-the-girl tagging you in case you'd like to read some Ileark characterization answers.

Part One: The Basics

1. What is your name? Ileark Keita

2. Do you have any nicknames? If you do, who gave it to you and why? When our little group had amnesia I was nicknamed ‘Star’ for my Desna worship. When I was younger my parents called me their little butterfly. I do not have any particular nickname used on a regular basis.

3. How old are you now? 28

4. When were you born? I do not know the precise day I was born, but my parents found me on Lamashtan 20, and that is what I have celebrated as my birthday my entire life. (AN: Golarian’s equivalent of October 20th)

5. Where do you call home now? It has been a long time since I have had a home of my own. My…birth mother… had made it very difficult to stay in one place for long. People get hurt when I linger. So the open road is the only home I have known for much of my life.

6. To what social class do you belong? My parents are the head of the local Desnan church in our village. It was a small village, there wasn’t much in the way of extravagant luxury, but we were well off. We had everything we needed to get by and to be happy, at the very least. Not everybody can claim that.

7. What is your eye color? I have heterochromia—one of the more visual marks of me being a changeling. My left eye is a blue-green, and my right eye is a purple that is nearly magenta. I’ve heard that one purple eye is common amongst changelings whose mother is a night hag, so I suppose I fit that mold.

8. What is your hair color? Black, but I have dyed parts of it purple and pink. It is a bit of self-expression that is unaffected by if I am a human or a changeling.

9. Do you have any distinguishing facial features? I’d say my eyes are probably the most striking feature people tend to notice.

10. Do you have any birthmarks? Where are they? Not a birthmark per-say. I have vitiligo on my hands, chest, and back. The pattern on my hands happen to form a butterfly—Desna’s holy symbol. I once believed that this mark meant I was left for my parents by a servitor of Desna, for their belief and prayers. I…have come to learn otherwise.

11. Do you have any scars? How did you get them? I have recently gotten a nasty scar on my stomach from a ghost swordswoman who eviscerated and nearly killed me. I very much owe Berin my life for that one.

12. Do you have any tattoos or other markings? How and why did you get them? I got some traditional Garundi tattoos on my chest when I traveled the Mwangi Expanse. I may be a changeling, but I still feel a connection to the Garundi people. My parents are the ones who raised me, and I mean I still look Garundi even if I have a hag’s blood in my veins.

13. Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses? Nothing of note. I mean I have the same physical weaknesses as any other person. Being stabbed or lit on fire would certainly not be good for my health.

Well…as far as diseases go, there is on. But if I talked about it, you would get it as well. So it would be best if you don’t think about it.

14. Are you right or left handed? I am ambidextrous, although I was naturally left handed.

15. What does your voice sound like? I have a bit of an accent, and a slightly lighter voice than you’d expect from a taller man like myself.

16. How do you dress most of the time? I wear my favorite coat the majority of the time. It has armor padding sewn into it, so it is both good looking and functional. It has the Stair of Stars constellation on the back, which is said to lead to Desna’s domain.

17. How do you dress up? Igil made some very fine clothing for me, which I wear on formal occasions. It is a dark dusky purple suit with a pale blue undershirt, and heeled boots.

18. How do you dress down? I do not really have a less formal outfit than my travel gear. I have had to be ready to leave at a moment’s notice for much of my life, and have had reason to want to feel protected at all times. So I do not often go without my coat.

19. What do you wear when you go to sleep? A loose tank top and boxers.

20. Do you wear any jewelry? I have had pierced ears for much of my life. I have taken a shine to other forms of jewelry during my recent ventures. I have a few nice rings and an amulet. I do not like choker necklaces or bracelets. They make me feel constricted.

21. What words and/or phrases do you use frequently? I have not rightfully considered it. I do make a point to wish good luck on those I genuinely wish good fortune to.

22. Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics? I tap my claws on nearby surfaces when I am feeling anxious or impatient.

23. Do you have any bad habits? If so, what are they and how do you plan to get rid of them? Nothing comes to mind. Some might say my being fastidious and over-preparing, and making lists, would be ‘high-strung’ and a flaw. I do not see it that way and am not trying to ‘improve’ it.

24. Do you have a lifelong dream or aspiration? My greatest aspirations were to become a Spherewalker, and to find a way to escape my birth mother. I have accomplished the first, but the second seems more impossible than ever.

25. Do you own a car (or other form of transportation)? Why or why not? Describe it. No, I go where my feet take me. And occasionally magic.

26. What is your current state of mind? I am…concerned. That I am better at hurting people than at healing. That doing damage is in my blood, and perhaps I cannot escape it, no matter how hard I try and how far I run.

Part Two: Family

27. How close are you to your family? I love my parents, although I have not seen them in many many years. It has not been safe to return home. I have to keep my birth mother’s eyes away from them.

As for the being who birthed me, I think my stance is very clear. I want nothing to do with her, and would be quite happy if she would leave me alone permanently.

28. Do you have a spouse or significant other? Describe them. No. My life has not given me opportunity to get to know people on that level. And even if it did, I do not know if I would. I am happy for Berin and Stefan, and people like them, but I have difficulty picturing myself in their shoes. I think I crave freedom more than romance.

29. Have you started your own family? Describe them if you do. If not, do you want to? Why or why not? I have not, for all the reasons listed previously.

30. Who was your Father and what was he like? My father is a cleric of Desna. He is a good man. I believe he taught me to be a good man as well.

31. Who was your Mother and what was she like? My mother—the mother who raised me—is a kindhearted woman. She helped to sooth my fears when my changeling heritage began to surface. I know that she would always be there for me if she could.

The being who birthed me is an evil creature. Alazhra, the goddess of night hags and nightmares. This is why I have been unable to outrun her—because it turns out she can be anywhere and everywhere without even trying. She chased me to distant edges of Golarian, across two continents, I never found rest. She chased me right into the hands of my other tormentor, Haserton Lowls. And since I have discovered her true identity, she has made it clear that she will not quit haunting me until I give up, accept her power, shed my changeling form, and become a night hag.

It goes without saying I will never allow that to happen.

32. Who are you closest to in your family? I feel my mother and I have an especially close bond. I love both my parents, obviously. But I know my mother would be there for me no matter what. And that is part of the reason I need to remain far away from home. I believe without a shadow of a doubt that Alazhra would use my mother against me.

33. Is there someone in your family you wish you were closer to? Not really. I never knew my grandparents, and I don’t have much in the way of aunts, uncles, or cousins.

34. What was your parent’s marriage like? They are happily married, and together care for the local Desnan temple. They taught me everything about Desnan prayer and rituals, and travelling the Great Dreamer’s path.

35. Did they remain married? If not, how did that affect you? When did they split? They are happily married, and safely at home last I checked.

36. Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like? I do not. My parents were never able to have biological children. Which is why they considered it such a blessing when I was left on their doorstep.

37. What is the worst thing one of your siblings ever did to you? n/a

38. What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done to one of your siblings? n/a

39. When’s the last time you saw a member of your family? Where are they now? It has been…far too long. I was about 12 when I had to leave home. So 16 years.

I’ve been running for more than half my life…

40. Did you meet any other family members? (Aunts Uncles, etc) Describe them. n/a

Part Three: Friends and Relationships with Others

41. In general, how do you treat other people that you have just met? I like to believe I am a polite person, who generally treats people I have just met with respect. That is, unless I have reason not to. Like many of the rather vile people we have dealt with in our recent ventures. Berin can be the one to extend kindness to those who have walked the path of cruelty. I feel many of these people already made their choices, and we are merely the consequence of their actions.

42. Does your treatment of people change depending on how well you know them and if so how? Well, of course I am going to be less careful in my speech to those I’m comfortable with.

43. Who is the most important person in your life and why? Besides my parents, probably Igil. We are something of kindred spirits despite our vastly different backgrounds. Alazhra has a special interest in him as well. And Igil stood up for me against her, and renounced her after decades of worshipping her. And even before that, Igil risked his safety and freed me from the shackles Lowls used to control me for some three years. I…am deeply grateful to him. He has become my brother, perhaps not in blood, but in action.

44. Who is the person you respect the most and why? Probably Berin. He is quite the amazing person. He sees the potential for good in everyone. He is both a powerful warrior and an amazing healer. He has saved my life and the lives of our friends on multiple occasions. I am honored to have a friend like him.

45. Who are your friends? Describe them. Igil, Berin, and Jolene. I have already went into my thoughts on Berin and Igil. Jolene is…difficult. She is headstrong and reckless, and doesn’t generally take criticism well. She is also powerful, protective, and utterly loyal to her cause. I do not believe I have met a person more multi-faceted than Jo. Which…given her nature is such that she was created from seven other-worldly beings, I suppose ‘multi-faceted’ is likely the most accurate description of Jo, in many ways.

46. Do you have a best friend? Describe them. See Igil above.

47. Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help? My first instinct is my mother, followed by either Berin or Igil depending on the circumstances.

48. Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who and why? All three of my close friends. Each has saved my life at one point or another.

49. If you died or went missing, who would miss you? My parents and my three close friends. Other than them…I was merely a passing stranger in most people’s lives.

50. Who is the person you despise the most, and why? Haserton Lowls. A vile man who is enthralled by at least one, if not two, Outer Gods. He stole three years of my life, keeping me shackled and compliant. I was forced to do vile things on his behalf. And then he nearly destroyed my mind, sacrificing the minds of myself, Igil, Berin, and Jo in order to gain what he needed for the ritual to his twisted gods. We were each in a braindead state for a period of time, until we were awoken with no memories. We eventually regained what we’d lost, but I will never forgive him for what he’d done. My companions agree.

51. Do you tend to argue with people or avoid conflict? I can be argumentative when I feel I need to be. Jolene in particular can cause me to raise my heckles at times.

52. Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations? No, I do not feel I am much of a leader. I am better in an adviser role. I am rather good at organizing and planning.

53. Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not? Yes and no. I enjoy having people around. It is much easier to keep my mood up when I’m surrounded by others. One of my favorite parts of travelling is meeting people from all walks of life. However, being around a lot of people has also been risky for much of my life. It’s hard not to be anxious that my mere presence will bring misfortune on people, when Alazhra is haunting my shadow. She has mostly left this new little group I’ve become a part of alone—other than her dealings with Igil. But I do not know if that will last forever.

54. Do you care what others think of you? I try not to. My mother taught me to be proud of who I am, regardless of what people say. I try to live by that. But sometimes it’s hard. I want to be seen as a light in the dark—starlight in a midnight sky. I want to be known for the beauty and magic Desna represents. The windswept wanderer, a kind stranger under a starry night sky, an agent of luck and fate. That is what I want to be—what I want others to see in me. But…I fear I am failing. I fear that I cause harm where I want to sooth. And that others will see that—and see in me where my blood is from—and they will only see that darkness.

55. What habit do others have that annoys you the most? Acting carelessly, in such a way that others get hurt. Jolene was guilty of this many times when we were in the early months of our travels, and her hardheaded nature tends to generally grind on my nerves anyways.

56. What is the most important quality you look for in a friend? Kindness. Anyone I would consider a friend would be a kind person. Yes, even Igil. One of the first things he did when we met without our memories was to put a ghostly child’s spirit to rest. And when we met before that—before we lost our memories—he had put himself at risk so that Berin and I could go free. Even if it didn’t turn out how he intended, I think he is kind despite himself.

57. What do you most value in your friends? In Igil it is the loyalty he has shown to myself and the others. In Berin it is the conviction to always try to do the right thing, to help people, to trust people. In Jo…well as much as it drives me insane, her hardheaded nature comes in handy sometimes with the kinds of people we end up running against in this journey.

Part Four: Growing Up (Childhood)

58. Where were you born? I do not know, and I get a feeling I don’t want to know. I was found by my parents on their doorstep when I was an infant.

59. Where did you grow up? A small village in Ustalav. At least for all of what I would consider my childhood, given what happened.

60. How would you describe your childhood in general? Idealistic. I love my family and my community. I loved learning Desna’s teachings. I loved playing with other kids my age, occasionally getting into trouble going places we shouldn’t. I…deeply miss that life sometimes. My travels have been fulfilling in their own way. But I earned the title of Spherewalker out of necessity as much as out of love for what it represents. As a child I thought I would spend my entire life in that village. I thought I would follow in my parents’ footsteps as a priest in Desna’s temple. Remembering it now is…bittersweet.

61. What is your earliest memory? Hard to say. I could say which ones weren’t my earliest memories—the time when I was coming into my changeling nature, and when I started to see a shadow creeping in the corner of my vision. But everything before that kind of blends together. Not that I can’t remember things from then, it’s just that it’s hard for me to say which order things happened in because it was all just a part of regular life back then.

62. What is your fondest childhood memory? it is a little thing. But being at home while my mother was baking. I was trying to learn to make butterflies out of paper. I never really got the hang of it—my hands were too clumsy and I never folded the paper quite right. But my mother praised my diligence in keeping at it, and gave me the first slice of the pie she was baking. It is a simple memory. It is a good memory.

63. What is your worst childhood memory? When I first saw Alazhra, as an indistinct shadow lurking just outside the farmland. I hadn’t fully realized my nature yet, it was only just starting to become apparent. And I knew—I knew—without a shadow of a doubt when I saw that figure that she was what had birthed me. Do you have any idea how terrifying it is, as a child, to think you are turning into a monster? I…was fortunate that my parents are the people they are. They accepted me, they gave no room for even a shadow of a doubt that they would still love me and that I was still their son, no matter what.

64. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? For much of my childhood, I was learning from my parents how to become a cleric of Desna and to eventually take up their position in the temple. I never once thought my life would lead anywhere different—until things took a turn for the worst.

65. As a child, what were your favorite activities? I loved playing in nature. There were woods near the village, which we were not supposed to go too deep into because it was dangerous. But I loved the woods, almost as much as I loved the fields in spring when the butterflies would flutter from flower to flower.

66. As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display? I was a studious and curious child. And even back then I loved to explore new places—even if it was only a path in the woods I’d never seen before. There was always a surprise waiting, like coming upon a small brook, or a beautiful picnic spot.

67. As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like? I was well liked, I think. Given that my parents were well liked and respected in the village, I was generally treated well by other children. That’s not to say I was never bullied or made the butt of a joke. Children will be children, of course.

As for my friends…Dreamer help me, it’s been so long I hardly remember. I was…quite young. I remember playing with a number of girls and boys in town. But…for the life of me I cannot remember their names, much less their faces. They would be very different people nearly two decades later. As am I, of course.

68. As a child, what was your favorite toy? I liked marbles. They were shiny, and sometimes they would have swirls on the inside, or tiny objects within. I had one I cherished that had tiny butterflies on it. I thought of it as a good luck charm, since it had Desna’s butterflies in it.

69. As a child, what was your favorite game to play? Hide and seek. I was very good at hiding.

Part Five: Growing Up (Teen/Young Adult)

70. How much schooling have you had? I was in a public school for a short time, but most little villages like that don’t school beyond a certain age. After that I was apprenticed to my parents, and they continued my studies in between the lessons of our faith.

71. Did you enjoy school? I believe I did, yes. I think I did find it a little stifling to sit in one place for so long, but I enjoyed learning. Especially geography and history. Even if I had no intention of travelling back then, it was fun to imagine what distant foreign lands must be like.

72. Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities? I learned the basics of being a cleric, and of survival in the wilderness, from my parents. Most everything else I use on a frequent basis was self-taught after I left home.

73. While growing up, did you have any role models other than your parents? Describe them. Unless you want to call the goddess Desna a role model, I didn’t really. Most of the adults in the village were farmers or ranchers. They were good, hardworking people, but they did not really provide me with an example of who I wanted to be. That came wholly from my parents and my beliefs.

74. While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family? I was very close to my parents. I knew (or at least believed) they loved me more than any other child’s parents, given how they had once believed they would never have a child. We had our differences sometimes, of course—as I said before, children will be children. But for the most part, I believed wholeheartedly that I was a beloved gift from the Great Dreamer for my parents’ dedication.

75. How old were you when you went on your first date? Describe the date. That is…a bit embarrassing. Understand, I was only twelve when I left home. And from then on I was always on the move. So I didn’t exactly have time to get crushes and have the crash course on dating most teenagers did. I…had plenty of physical relationships as I got older. But I’ve never really done romance. I honestly do not know if I would or not if I hadn’t been moving around so much. All that I know is in the circumstances of my life, I have never felt any romantic desires.

76. What is your favorite memory from your teen years? I was somewhere cold—I do not remember exactly, I think it was maybe Irrisen? There was a celebration of the solstice, and I had arrived in town just in time for the celebrations. I remember dancing with a beautiful woman around a fire, and laughing together. It was the most fun I’d had with someone my own age in a long time.

77. What is your worst memory from your teen years? Staying in a village and hearing a commotion outside near the gates. And knowing—knowing—in my heart that it was what was following me, and I’d put people in danger again by lingering too long.

78. When and with whom was your first kiss? A girl back home. I remember she was very pretty, and that it was kind of a spur of the moment thing. Some of the others had started being interested in that sort of thing, and we both didn’t get what was so great about it. So it was just an experiment for both of us, really.

79. Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity? That…um…I will confirm I have had sex before, but the details are for me to know.

80. Describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today. My birth mother ruined my life, forcing me to leave my only home and travel endlessly, never stopping to rest for long. For 13 years. Then I thought I’d found a way to free myself from her. A bell, an artifact touched by Desna herself, said to be able to banish any evil nearby when it was rung. I travelled across the continent, and managed to make it there in time for the bell tolling.

For all of a day I was free. But then, that shadow out of the corner of my eye returned. I knew then that what was following me was no ordinary hag, to come back from a divine artifact banishing her.

What truly led me to where I was today was when, after that, my spirit was crushed. I realized that this was going to be the rest of my life. Running from some unnaturally powerful hag’s call. And I decided…I wasn’t going to give her what she wanted. I was going to disappear into the desert surrounding the belltower. At least then, I could be certain I would never break under the pressure and give her what she wanted. And maybe I could finally find rest in Desna’s domain.

That was my intention. It is not what happened, obviously. In the desert I was attacked by creatures I now know to be Denizens of Leng. They captured me, they placed a collar and shackles on me to keep me from fleeing even with the magic at my disposal, and they whisked me far away. There I met Berin, who had been captured while protecting his husband and a group of innocents. And it was from there that we were both sold to the vile man known as Haserton Lowls. He kept us for 3 years, using a drug to break Berin, and the magical bondage to control me. In the end, right before I was going to escape with Berin in tow, Lowls took us into a dream realm and sacrificed our minds for his unholy rituals.

So in answer: the biggest influences on me being where I am today are the hag goddess who shadowed me my entire life, and a cruel evil man who benefitted off of my suffering. I am still trying to escape the first, while I am seeing to end the later for his crimes—not just against myself and Berin, but against countless others as well.

Part Six: Past Influences

81. What do you consider the most important event of your life so far? It would have to be Alazhra not being affected by the bell as other beings would be. If I had never gone there, I never would have walked straight into the waiting clutches of the Denizens of Leng and Lowls.

82. Who has had the most influence on you? I believe my mother—my real mother not Alazhra. She taught me to focus on the person behind what might appear monstrous to others. She let me know, no matter what anyone else said or did, that I always had a place back home. She gave me the confidence to travel, and meet people of all walks of life. And to not let being a changeling slow me down. I…admit I have some worries over my bloodline. It is hard not to be afraid of what lurks inside of me, just waiting for a moment of weakness, a moment Alazhra could then leverage and draw out that darkness. I know my mother would not want me to think about myself like that…and I try not to. I really do. It’s just…hard.

83. What do you consider your greatest achievement? Becoming a Spherewalker. There is more to it than just traveling wherever, whenever. I had to make a pilgrimage to two Desnan holy sites thousands of miles apart. I had to learn how to travel—not just walking from place to place, but how to read the stars, or follow tracks in the dirt and dust. How to find water in dry places, and how to find or make shelter from the elements. Spherewalkers aren’t just wanderers, we are professional travelers. Only those who know how to take the unpredictability of life on the road, prepare for what you can and survive what you cannot, and truly put your life in Desna’s hands, will ever claim the title.

84. What is your greatest regret? Accidentally killing Igil. It was…I know that he does not blame me. But I blame me. Once again I caused harm when all I wanted was to heal him from a horrific corruption from beyond the stars.

85. What is the most evil thing you have ever done? I…would like to believe nothing I have done in the past would be evil. The most vindictive thing I’ve ever done was kill the slaver gnoll Biting Lash and many of her minions without a shred of mercy. I stand by that decision, even if it’s just more proof that I am better at destroying than healing. In this case, healing wasn’t what we needed. Biting Lash’s death will be balm enough until we finally track down Lowls.

86. Do you have a criminal record of any kind? Well…it was not by choice. Lowls had all for of us do horrible things to the people in Thrushmoor while we were under his thumb. And that included a few things that got us thrown in jail for various amounts of time. I don’t know which cage was worse, the deceptive skin-deep luxury of Lowls’ manor, or the jailcell that was exactly what it claimed to be.

87. When was the time you were the most frightened? The first time I was truly face-to-face with Alazhra. The first time I was in her presence and knew her for who and what she was. It was right after Igil renounced her. She pulled us all into her domain, a musty old cabin in Abbadon where we were seated around a table where she was at the head. I could not bring myself to look at her. Even if I hadn’t been utterly terrified and reeling from Igil’s revelation to me that Alazhra was my blood mother, I would not have been able to look at her. Something about her gives me a chilling feeling in the back of my mind that looking at her face would have horrific consequences.

88. What is the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you? The thing is, when you travel alone you are not often faced with embarrassing situations, as there is no one there to cause the embarrassment. That being said, I have certainly felt the fool on occasion, when I arrive to a new place and am faced with customs and ways of life I am not immediately aware of. I have made my share of fo pauxs, blundering into social barriers I did not know existed.

89. If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why? I do not know. Nothing I did before being stolen away would have changed my end fate. Except, perhaps, not walking into the desert. But at that point I had honestly lost hope so deeply I don’t think continuing the way I had been would have been sustainable. I would say killing Igil, but it did heal him. If the other option was curing him not working, then loathe as I am to say it, I would not change the end result no matter how much I regret it.

90. What is your best memory? It would probably be one of the times I came to a town on the day of a celebration. I try to make it back to civilization whenever there is a holiday. People are usually joyful and welcoming during holidays. Especially during holidays that involve food and dance. The Ritual of Stardust is a personal favorite of mine. It is a Desnan holiday on the solstices, in which followers of the Great Dreamer gather around bonfires, and we sing and tell stories until late into the night. Traditionally, sand or powdered gems are thrown into the fire, making it glow with beautiful colors.

91. What is your worst memory? Accidentally killing Igil.

92. When and where were you the happiest? I would not say I have not been happy in my years of travel. But I was most consistently happy when I was home, before Alazhra forced me to flee from her stalking shadow.

Part Seven: Beliefs and Opinions

93. Are you optimistic or pessimistic? To be honest I would consider myself a realist. There’s no point in fatalism, but I prefer not to pretend things are better than they really are, either.

94. What is your greatest fear? Alazhra getting what she wants.

95. Have you told anyone your fear before? Not in so many words, but I think it kind of goes without saying.

96. Who would be the one person you’d never tell your fear? I would say Alazhra herself, but she is a nightmare goddess, I think she is likely quite good at locating and playing on people’s fears.

97. What are your religious views? I am a follower of the Great Dreamer, Desna. We believe that freedom is one of the greatest treasures of life. The freedom to make your own choices and the freedom to go anywhere in the world with your own two feet. Desnans also believe in the power of luck, and of knowing when to leave things to chance or fate, and when to takes steps to make your own luck.

98. What are your political views? I do not t trust most politicians. People with power over other people tend to eventually abuse that privilege. Ideally, politics would be handled by the people who are affected by them. I believe it is wrong for a small elite to hold power over those whose lives they do not even know.

99. What are your views on sex? I’m not entirely sure what you mean by ‘views’ on sex. Like how positively I view it? It is certainly not bad. It can be a fun distraction, but given my circumstances it’s never really been anything but that.

100. Are you able to kill? Yes. Sometimes better than I’d like.

101. Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable? Killing in self defense is acceptable, but not always ideal. Killing those who would abuse and control others if left alive is acceptable. Killing for revenge is a grey area, but I will not claim I have never done-so, nor that I do not plan to do so again in the near future. Killing innocents is unacceptable, as is killing a person who had put their trust in you—such as a friend or family member.

102. In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do? Enslave another human being.

103. Do you believe in the existence of soulmates and/or true love? I do not know. Seeing Berin and Stefan it is hard to say such a thing does not exist. They have clearly found it for themselves. Perhaps it is simply my own difficulties with the idea of romance that makes me feel disconnected from the idea of soulmates or true love. The most true love I have ever found has been for family or for friends.

104. What do you believe makes a successful life? Seeing as much of the world as you can. Meeting people from all walks of life and incorporating what you learn from them into your own life. A life without the vibrancy other people brings to it would be a wasted life.

105. How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings? (Meaning do you hide your true self from others and in what way?) I am generally fairly honest. I can be diplomatic if I need to not show a distaste for someone. But otherwise, I am mostly very honest about my thoughts and feelings. No one can meet you where you are if you will not even show them where that is.

106. Do you have any biases or prejudices? Doesn’t everyone? I try very hard to keep an open mind and to understand peoples’ differences, but I am only mortal, I am sure I trip up as often as anyone else.

107. Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why? I believe for most things there is some circumstance that would cause one to act against what they would normally. For instance, I would never kill one of my friends. Except, what if something has caused them to lose their mind and death would be a mercy? What if something caused them to do a great deal of harm, and only killing them would stop it and save who knows how many others? What if they were infected by an outer being and doing harm to them was the only way to save their lives, but it ran the risk of killing them?

…One of those examples was a very real occurrence, and even though I deeply regret it, I did the only thing I could do given the circumstances.

108. Who or what, if anything, would you die for? (or go to extremes for?) My friends, my parents (my real parents, the ones who raised me), keeping the world safe from outer beings…and at one time, trying to escape Alazhra’s clutches.

109. What is your best feature, in your opinion? I suppose that I am open-minded and willing to learn from people from all walks of life.

110. What do you think of drugs and alcohol? Are there any types that people should never do? Why or why not? It is none of my business what another person puts in their own body. People find different ways to enjoy themselves or to cope with hardships. It is not my place to say which of those are good and which are bad. I would say children probably should be kept from such substances, at least until they are old enough to make an informed decision about the consequences that might come of it. And obviously forcing it onto someone else, by trickery or by force, is entirely unacceptable.

111. What is your idea of perfect happiness? Having the freedom to go where you wish and do what you wish, to see the beauty of the world and its people. To do so at your own pace, with nothing forcing you to move on until your are ready, but also nothing holding you to one place if you don’t wish to remain.

112. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? Having your freedom taken away—be it by another person’s hand, your life circumstances, or running from something you cannot escape. Having your choices taken away or minimized until there is only one path forward is like a walking death.

Part Eight: Likes and Dislikes

113. What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes? I occasionally enjoy a card game, or a game of chance. I like looking at art, but I have never had the time to learn an art for myself.

114. What is your most treasured possession? Two—a blessed keepsake given to me by a band of monster hunters I had travelled with for a short time, and the nice outfit Igil made me. In both cases, it was a gift from friends. Those have been few and far between since I left home. They mean a lot to me.

115. What is your favorite color? Why? Purple. It is close to Desna’s holy color, but I feel purple has more of a pop than blue.

116. What is your least favorite color? Why? I couldn’t say, there is no color that particularly repulses me. Matched with other colors that complement it, virtually every color can be beautiful in some manner.

117. What is your favorite food? Why? I met a woman from Tian Xia who made some delicious battered shrimp. Tempura, I believe it was?

118. What is your least favorite food? Why? Having been fed the rations of a noble’s slave, there is little else I think is as disgusting. In part because even if it tasted good (it did not), we had no choice in the matter, and eating their food was demeaning all on its own.

119. What is your favorite sound? Why? Rain pattering through a forest canopy.

120. What is your least favorite sound? Why? Claws scratching across certain surfaces make the worse ear-piercing noise. I try to be mindful of it.

121. What is your favorite smell/scent? Why? Pumpkin—especially pumpkin pie. It reminds me of home, it reminds me of my mother, and it was one of the only things I remembered when I awoke with total amnesia.

122. What is your least favorite smell/scent? Why? The usual things no one likes. Rot—be it spoiled food or decaying creatures.

123. What, if anything, do you like to read? I like travel journals, or stories of lands so distant that even I may only ever dream of reaching them.

124. What is your idea of good entertainment? Games of chance or skill. Swapping stories with new acquaintances. I think I would like the theatre as well, but I have never been. I like the idea of people playing out stories.

125. How do you spend a typical Saturday night? What is a Saturday? Do you mean Starday? To be honest, my days don’t tend to have a pattern based on the week or weekend. Certainly, when I arrive to a new place on Sunday, I know it because people are often tending to religious matters or resting. The other days tend to blend together a bit. Not that I am not doing anything interesting, but that days of the week have little meaning when you’re not around other people for weeks on end.

126. What makes you laugh? Things that are funny. Igil seems to be the butt of the joke fairly often.

127. What makes you laugh out loud, hysterically? It was not funny in hindsight, now that we know how we lost our memories. But when we first got back to Thrushmoor, and a man Igil had wronged shoved him into the water, I lost it.

128. What makes you cry? Hearing tales of particularly grim hardships. Anger, sometimes.

129. What makes you cry, hysterically? That has not happened often enough for me to say there is a pattern. I definitely cried the hardest I can remember when I began coming into being a changeling, and I was frantically trying to grind down my claws to look like human nails again. I was young, and I was scared.

130. What, if anything, shocks or offends you? Half of what comes out to Jolene’s mouth.

131. What would you do if you couldn’t sleep and had to find something to amuse yourself? I would go outside and stargaze. Try to find constellations, perhaps the Stair of Stars.

132. How do you deal with stress? Worrying more.

Seriously? I do not know. I just get through it.

133. Are you spontaneous or do you always need to have a plan? I prefer to plan. The way I look at it, when you have a plan you stack luck in your favor instead of against you. Going out on…let’s say a hike in the mountains, if you do not plan you are relying entirely on having good luck to get your through. But luck can be good or bad, and when you go out without a plan you increase the likelihood of having bad luck instead. If you go out with a plan, however, you may still get bad luck, but it will be less devastating, and your good luck will be more rewarding.

134. What are your pet peeves? Acting without a plan, especially if it puts others at risk.

135. Where do you go when you’re angry or depressed? Anywhere I want. If I am in a hilly area though, going to the top of a hill and watching the clouds or stargazing can be a very calming activity.

136. What do you do when you’re bored? Explore, find new people to talk to, learn something new, observe animals in nature. There are many ways to alleviate boredom.

137. What type of music do you like? Favorite bands or musicians? I am not very adept at band names, but there is usually a bard or two to be found in inns that travelers often frequent. I generally enjoy their performances.

138-143 & 148 were too modern day Earth based for Ileark to accurately answer.

144. What is your favorite book? Why? I would have difficulty choosing a favorite. I particularly like stories of distant places, history, and travel journals, but they tend to all bland together after a while, I do not have a particular favorite, maybe just favorite parts.

145. What is your least favorite book? Why? The same as above, with the caveat that unholy texts to evil gods are my least favorite by default.

146. Who is your favorite author/writer? Why? See 144

147. Who is your least favorite author/writer? Why? see 145

149. What annoys you more than anything else?

150. What time of day is your favorite? Why? Late at night, when everything is quiet, and the stars are shining. It is a good time for reflection, and to remember the gifts Desna has given us.

151. What time of day is your least favorite? Why? When I first wake up. It is much harder to appreciate the beauty of the world when you just want to curl up and go back to sleep. Even the sun feels harsher when you first wake up.

152. What kind of weather is your favorite? Why? Did I not already answer this one? I enjoy when there’s a light rain, especially if I am under a forest canopy or in an inn, where I can enjoy listening to the pitter-patter of the droplets.

153. What kind of weather is your least favorite? Why? Have you ever been in a desert at any hour of the day? That. The bright oppressive heat during the daylight hours, and the bitter freezing cold of the night hours. I do not like extremes of temperature.

154. What is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen? It’s the little things. Beams of sunlight shining through the clouds after a storm. A field of flowers, with butterflies and bees floating about from flower to flower. The rainbow shimmering in the mist at the bottom of a waterfall. The world, in its totality, is beautiful.

155. What is the most awful thing you have ever seen? The end result of remaining in one place too long. When Alazhra would come calling. She could kill farm animals, bring disease to the people and blight to crops. Anything that would hurt the people around me.

156. What is your favorite drink? Why? I tried this mango juice while in Garund. It tasted…bright. Like someone distilled a perfect summer day into a drink.

157. What is your least favorite drink? Why? Aside from any obvious answers of inedible or spoiled things, coffee. And tea to a lesser extent. Caffeine makes me anxious. More anxious than usual.

158. What is your favorite animal? Why? Butterflies seem a give away. So, songbirds. Nightingales.

159. What is your least favorite animal? Why? Hyenas. They remind me too much of my time in Okano.

160. What sorts of things embarrass you? Getting flustered, not being able to word what I am trying to say properly.

Part Nine: Self Image

161. Describe a normal day for you. I have not had a ‘normal’ day in many years. But for a long time my routine was to simply travel, wherever my heart desired. I would generally camp out, so as to not put anyone in danger. I cooked my own meals. And I walked or flew. A lot.

162. How do you feel when your routine is disrupted? I very much dislike it when somebody throws a wrench into my plans. It is frustrating, and I may dig in my heels a little if I feel the change is unwarranted. But ultimately that is life. You plan for what you can, and luck or fate will throw things at you, whether you are prepared or not.

163. What is your greatest strength as a person? I am determined. When I know what I want (or do not want as the case often is), I do not waiver about it.

164. What is your greatest weakness? There are many things that scare me. Many of them come from within. I do not trust myself as much as I should.

165. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? That is obvious. I would be an actual human foundling, with no ties to Alazhra.

166. Are you generally introverted or extroverted? I am an extrovert, but an extrovert on the quieter end of the spectrum. Being around people is one of my favorite things, and it energizes me. I don’t do well when I am alone for too long. But I prefer to listen to what these other people have to say than to be the center of attention myself.

167. Are you generally organized or messy? I am impeccably organized.

168. Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at. travel magic, nudging the threads of fate, and reading what kind of people those I meet are.

169. Name three things you consider yourself to be very bad at. Healing magic, climbing (this is why I just fly if the option is available), and speaking in a way that is persuasive (it is frustrating trying to get my thoughts across to people sometimes, especially if I already know what needs to be done and how, and others are digging their heels in.)

170. What are your reasons for being an adventurer or heroic? Are your real reasons different than the ones you tell other people in public? If so, detail both reasons. I had no choice. I was a traveler because of the circumstances of my life. I did help people here and there, but I wouldn’t say I was a hero. Now? I once again had no choice. My mind was stolen from me by a cruel man, and the journey to regain my memories uncovered a far darker conspiracy. One that must be stopped at any cost, or the world is doomed to be handed over to an Elder God on a silver platter. I am honest about these motivations. I didn’t choose this life, but I am happy to be able to help in some way.

171. What three words best describe your personality? Fastidious, realistic, hopeful (yes I am aware those last two may seem a contradiction. But I believe that sometimes you must have hope that things will be better, even if you know that the current reality is grim.)

172. What three words would others probably use to describe you? Aloof, ethereal, and lively (A/N: courtesy of Jo’s player)

173. What about you is heroic? The fact that I am literally on a journey to try to save the world from at least one Elder God?

174. Are you a better lead or follower? Why? I prefer to follow, and to organize. I am one of those people who make it possible for a leader to lead.

175. What is your responsibility to the world? Why? I simply must leave the world better than it was when I came. Whether that is helping a stranger, or stopping an evil god’s cult, it is all the same in the end. It’s all helping people to continue living their lives in peace.

176. What do you like about yourself? I am honest, I will not let evil deeds go unimpeded. I will always fight for mine and others’ freedom.

177. What don’t you like about yourself? My bloodline. The darker side of my powers. The fact I cannot seem to heal worth a damn.

178. What do you find most relaxing? (not stress relief, but something that actually calms you down.) Focusing on my breathing. And finding time to watch the stars or clouds helps to clear my head a little.

179. What talent would you most like to have? I envy Berin’s healing powers and his determination to protect others. I think I see many things in Berin that I would like to reflect.

Part Ten: Occupation & Finance

180. What is your occupation? (If you don’t have one, where does your money come from?) I help people where I can, and people are usually generous and share a meal or a few coins for a traveler who has shown them kindness. I think I can safely say I have been very lucky in the sorts of people I have met on the road and in towns. I do not help asking for a reward, but there are many kind souls who will invite you to break bread with them regardless.

181. Do you like your job? I enjoy travelling. And I enjoy helping people when I see they are in need. So, yes, I suppose I do.

182. What is your boss/employer like? Erm…if anyone were my boss it would be Desna, but that is a very unusual way to think about a goddess. Even though she literally gave me a job proposition…

183. What are your co-workers like? The closest thing I have to coworkers are my friends, and I have already talked about them at length.

184. Do you get along with your co-workers? See above.

185. Which co-workers don’t you get along with and why? Jolene is the one I get along with the least. I do not hate her by any means, but our personalities clash. She is probably not someone I would have chosen to work so closely with if circumstances hadn’t pushed us together. I see the merit in her way of doing things (at least more so than when we first met), but she is still incredibly frustrating sometimes.

186. What is something you had to learn that you hated? Hm. You know, I can’t actually think of any learning opportunity I’ve had that I resented. I like learning new things, even if I do poorly at them.

187. Do you tend to save or spend your money? Why? What is the point of coins if you are just going to hoard them like a dragon? Life goes by fast, it is best to enjoy things in the moment. If that means spending more money on rounds at the tavern in exchange for some stories, or buying a beautiful piece of jewelry, then it is money well spent.

188. If you were to gain an obscenely large sum of money, what would you do with it? Use some of it and share some of it. I do not even live in one place, nor do I intend to now even if I escaped Alazhra. So I would keep enough to facilitate my travels from the rest of my days, and then give the rest to those I meet during my journey. There are so many people who even a handful of gold would change their lives completely. Who am I to keep that from them?

Part Eleven: Drug & Alcohol

189. Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If yes, why? Do you want to quit? I have tried many things. I don’t regularly use drugs, but I will not lie that I’ve been introduced to some very interesting ones in different parts of the world. I think my favorite was a hallucinogen from Garund. As for drinking, I will drink in celebration or to socialize with others. If I could never drink wine again, I would miss it, but it would not overly affect me in the long run.

190. How old were you when you had your first drink? Did you like it? Why or why not? I think I tried some wine when I was fairly young, but I did not like it back then, and avoided it for a long while. But the best place to swap stories with fellow travelers is inevitably the local taverns, so I quickly learned my likes and dislikes.

191. How old were you when you first got drunk? What was the experience like? Desna help me. It was humiliating is what it was. I was a young teen, a few months into my travels. I had just decided that if I wanted to get to know people at the tavern, I would have to do as they did and drink something. So I asked the barkeep for a suggestion, and she introduced me to some fruity drink, I forget exactly what kind it was. It tasted good, a lot better than I’d been expecting. And…because it tasted good, I kind of forgot that it was alcoholic partway through the night. I wasn’t accustomed to alcohol either, so it hit me like a runaway carriage.

192. Do you drink on a regular basis? Regular enough. If I find myself in a new town I am sure to check out the taverns and try to find a local favorite.

193. What kind of alcohol do you prefer? Wine, preferably one that isn’t too dry.

194. Have you ever tried any kind of “mood altering” substance? Which ones? Describe the experience. I’ve done a few different drugs in my travels. The hallucinogen I tried in Garund was called Ice Tears. It causes you to see people from your past and future—whether it is one of the drug’s hallucinations or an actual vision is highly contested. I…have a difficult time saying. I remember seeing people. I think I saw my mother. And I saw other people. I almost want to say I saw Igil, but I might just be mixing current memories with what little I remember from the height of the drug’s effects.

Part Twelve: Sex & Intimacy

195. Have you ever been in love? What happened? No, as I have alluded to above, I have a complex relationship to the very concept of romance. I do not think I will find someone anytime soon, if ever. That is not as sad as it sounds—being on my own means I can travel wherever I wish, at whatever pace suits me. There is a certain freedom in lacking a partner.

196. Have you ever had your heart broken? Not particularly, no.

197. Would you consider yourself straight, gay, bi, or something else? Why? I would be pansexual. Gender has never particularly mattered to me.

198. Who was the first person you had sex with? When did it happen? Describe the experience. Er…that is a bit personal. Just between us? He was a young Varisian man, a half-elf with some drow ancestry. He was beautiful. He was a fellow traveler, and we swapped stories at the bar. We really hit it off, and he didn’t seem to mind that we would have to part ways afterwards. He had places to go, and I had to keep moving for everyone’s safety. It was…nice. A little awkward, we were both young and although he had more experience than me that was not saying much. But at the end of the day, it was a good experience.

199. Have you ever had a same-sex experience? Describe the experience. See above.

200. What is your deepest, most well-hidden sexual fantasy? Would you ever try it? Ok now *that* is extremely personal. (A/N: bondage, especially being tied up with ropes)

201-202 are more detailed sex questions I as the writer do not feel comfortable getting into.

203. Do you currently have a lover? Describe them, what you are attracted to, and what the relationship is like. I do not. All of my lovers have, by necessity, been flings that lasted a night or two. I assure you, I made certain they understood that before we slept together. I am not interested in being one of those cads who travels around and leaves a trail of broken hearts behind them. If any of those I had a night with expected more, that is entirely on them for thinking I was not being genuine in what I told them up front.

204. What is the perfect romantic date? I do not know. I have never really dated—nothing beyond the superficial meetings I mentioned above. I don’t really know what a good romantic date would even be. Anything I can think of is something you could just as easily do with a friend, it seems somewhat excessive to make it into a big deal.

205. Describe your perfect partner. I…have been partial to half-elves and elves in the past. There is a good reason for those in humanoid society to believe all elves are beautiful. Because as far as I’ve met, they really are disproportionately gorgeous. And both are rather long lived so…they tend to have a lot of experience.

206. Do you ever want to get married? When do you see this happening? Not particularly. As I said above, not having a partner is freeing. I won’t be breaking any hearts if I agree to Desna’s offer to travel beyond the stars, facing the cults of Elder Gods in her name. Obviously I will miss my friends deeply, but there is less of an obligation to always be available to friends.

207. Do you want children? Why or why not? Not particularly, for the same reason above. It would be impossible to live the life I have with a child. And…on another level, I fear what Alazhra might do to another child bearing even a few drops of her blood.

208. What is more important, sex or intimacy? Why? It is going to sound shallow that I only really focus on the sex. But again, I have always known I would have to leave these people in a day or two and likely never see them again. I do not want to give them the wrong idea.

209. What was your most recent romantic relationship like? Who was it with? n/a

210. What’s the worst thing you’ve done to someone you love? I accidentally killed Igil. I am pretty sure that is the worst you can do to someone you care for. Even if he laughs about it now.

Part Thirteen: Morality

211. What one act in your past are you most ashamed of? Giving up, and walking into the desert with the intention to not come out the other side. I was…in a bad place. I had been running for so long. When my last strand of hope snapped, I could only despair. I believed I would never be able to stop running, and that cutting my life short rather than being worn down by the constant shadow and call of a hag would be the right thing to do. I think, now, that I was wrong to try to throw my life away. Even if I have to run for the rest of my life, I will touch the lives of so many others. I can make a difference in the world, even if I can never really be apart of the lives of the people in it.

212. What one act in your past are you most proud of? Holding out against Alazhra, no matter how much she tries to break me. I might be ashamed that I did not see the bigger picture when I tried to end my life, but I am also proud that I am willing to go that far to not be a pawn in her game.

213. Have you ever been in a physical fight before? Over what, with who, and who won? Too many for me to give a number of times. My claws are not just for show.

214. What do you feel most strongly about? Freedom. People having the freedom to make their own choices, to live in a manner that will make them happy.

215. What do you pretend to feel strongly about, just to impress people? I cannot say this is something I have done? I do not see the point of pretending you have a passion for something you do not.

216. What trait do you find most admirable and how often do you find it? Loyalty, and a desire to protect or heal.

217. Is there anything you think should not be incorporated into the media or arts? (i.e., sex, violence, etc). What and why or why not? No, absolutely not. While Shelyn is not my patron Goddess, she is very close to Desna. Art is about expressing what it on the inside. Good art will speak to a truth within the artist. You cannot sensor that. Art is an expression of freedom, and making it anything less undermines the purpose of the arts.

218. Do you think the future is hopeful? Why or why not? I…would like the future to be hopeful. I am hopeful, that perhaps if I take Desna up on her offer to travel the stars, I will finally be protected from Alazhra. But…I fear what is coming between then and now.

219. Do you think redemption is possible? Why or why not? I do. I have seen it with my own eyes. Igil was a worshipper of Alazhra, and had plenty of blood on his hands. But kindness and camaraderie helped to bring him to a place in life where he could stand up to Alazhra and reject her.

However…I am not the one to lead others to redemption. That is Berin’s charge as a Sarenrite. I…feel that true redemption is a rare thing. There are far too many people in the world who are cruel and evil and have no desire to be anything but. Those are the people I will protect others from, while Berin brings those who might change into the light.

220. Is there something you think is absolutely unforgivable? What is it? Enslaving another intelligent being. Stifling their freedom, binding them, forcing them to do as you command or face punishment or death. It is one of the cruelest things you can do to another person. And unlike things like killing, where there are circumstances in which it is understandable, there is no circumstance in which slavery is not vile and evil.

221. Is it okay for men to cry? Yes? Obviously?

222. Is it okay for you to cry? It…can be. I try not to in front of others. Not because I am ashamed, but because I do not wish to burden them with my emotional baggage.

223. What do you think is wrong with most people, overall? I do not thing there is one affliction most people have. Many are greedy. Some place themselves above others—be they nobles or slavers, it’s all the same mindset that others are somehow lesser. Some are cowardly, and would sell out even their dearest friend for a chance to save their own skin. But I do not think these things are intrinsically a part of being mortal. It is merely a failing of those particular people.

224. What is the worst thing you could ever do to someone you hated? …Make them hurt. When we went up against Biting Lash, I wanted her to suffer for the years she’d stolen from me. I did not make it quick. I burned her within an inch of her life with a Harm spell. And then I snuffed out what was left of her life. And I hope when Pharasma judges her, she goes to the most painful depths of the Nine Hells.

And Lowls deserves worse, still.

225. Do you have feelings that disturb you? What and why? See above. The fact I can do that without a moment of hesitation to someone who has deeply wronged me. It is terrifying. Even though I wholeheartedly believe Biting Lash deserves every moment of what she got, that darkness makes me cringe. I fear where such thoughts and actions could lead. I fear, more than anything, that letting go would feel just as satisfying as snuffing out Biting Lash’s life.

226. On what occasions do you lie? When it is necessary for the greater good. For example, lying to a guard is less harmful than allowing ourselves to be barred entrance to a place in which dark rituals are underway.

227. Do you think it is okay to lie? I prefer not to, but when it is necessary I do not beat myself up over it. Desna does not demand that her follows always tell the truth—especially not mindlessly telling the truth when lying could save lives.

Part Fourteen: Supernatural Awareness

228. Tell the story of how you became what you are or first learned of your own abilities. …I was young. About 10 or 11 I think? It started with seeing a shadowy figure lurking in the woods just outside of town, or at the edge of a field of crops. Every time I saw her, something bad seemed to happen in the village not long after. And then I began changing. My eyesight became sharp in the dark, able to see every little detail even on the most moonless night. Far more noticeably, however, was that my nails grew into claws. I was scared. I was just a child. I tried grinding down my claws so they would look like nails again, but they would always grow back by the next day. Eventually my mother caught me. And even though I thought I was turning into a monster, she comforted me, and reassured me that I was always her son, no matter what. She was the one who first had the idea to paint my claws, so they would look a little more like painted nails. She said they were beautiful. I will always remember that. That was when I quit being repulsed by what I was, even if I was still terrified of what I must have come from.

229. What do you think now of being supernatural? Is it cool or have you been screwed? Being a changeling has its benefits, admittedly. Seeing in the dark allows me to travel at any time of the day or night I desire. And I have defended myself and others with only my claws and a little magic on a number of occasions. It has its downsides, of course. Alazhra and her call being chief among them.

230. Do you have a mentor? Describe them and how you became their student. I do not.

231. Do you have any magical items? Where did you get them? My Blessed Keepsake was given to me by a group of Varisian monster hunters I travelled with for a short time. It has a night hag’s claw in it. Even if it never kept Alazhra away, since she is so much more than an ordinary night hag, it still made me feel a little safer on lonely nights to hold it close. My Amulet of Mighty Fists was taken off of an enemy. I had my starknife and armored coat enchanted at a local shop in…it might have been Thrushmoor but I am uncertain. I have been collecting Pearls of Power—some obtained in battle and some bought. I intend to eventually make a bracelet out of them, for ease of access. My friends and I all have a Dusty Prism Ioun Stone, although I forget where exactly we picked them up. I also got a Scarlet and Blue Ioun Stone, inspired by the one Igil previously had. I also have a bag of holding, which has a very evil tome stashed within it. We found it in a tower within a twisted corrupt city affected by a being I cannot risk even describing.

232. Think of a major event that happened during your training/initiation. Describe the experience. During one Swallowtail Festival, my parents entrusted with me the cage of butterflies we would be releasing. I was so excited, and I followed my parents around like a duckling. Unfortunately, I was paying more attention to them and the cage than on where I was walking. I tripped, and fell, and the cage popped open, releasing all of the butterflies early. I felt horrible, but my mother assured me that this was merely a turn of fate. If the butterflies were released early, that is what was meant to be.

233. What is something you had to learn during your training that you hated? Why did you hate it? As I said before, there is little I have ever learned that I did not enjoy. Even if I did not excel at it, it was worth learning.

234. What is something you had to learn during your training that you loved? Why did you love it? I was a bit of a natural at learning Desna’s domains. Not many of her followers can affect the strings of fate. A little nudge of their own luck, sure, but to change the fate of anyone around them? That is a rare ability. And, of course, there was the ability to make your body slide through the folds of space. To teleport.

Part Fifteen: Goals and Future

235. What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime? If I can take Desna up on her offer after this venture and be able to travel the stars for all eternity, that is the greatest dream I can imagine.

236. Where do you see yourself in five years? Hopefully? Somewhere deep in the Outer Spheres, following Desna’s will. Possibly? Dead because I tried to stop an Elder God from manifesting in this reality.

237. If you could choose, how would you want to die? Painlessly. I don’t want my final moments to be in agony. To slip away while dreaming is the most ideal death I can imagine. To be engulfed by Desna’s domain, and then to join her in Elysium.

238. If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left. Go home and see my parents one last time. Say goodbye to my friends, and tell them not to do anything stupid to try to bring me back. And then sit under the stars one last time, and hopefully pass in peace.

239. What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death? For my devotion to Desna. Saving the world is all well and good, but I do not feel that encompasses who I really am. I would rather history remember me as a Desnan than as a hero.

Part Sixteen: Misc.

240. If you could, what advice would you, the hero, give to the villain? Or If you could, why would you, the villain want the hero to be at your side or part of your team? Maybe don’t be a dumbass and mess with Elder Gods who will get into your head and warp you until you think summoning one into this world is a good idea? Oh, too late. Or you know, don’t be an asshole and keep slaves. Oops, you already did that too.

I have nothing to say to Lowls. Except that whatever punishment awaits beyond the Boneyard for you, it is a fraction of what you deserve.

241. What was the worst injury you’ve ever received? How did it happen? A ghost warrior eviscerated me with a sword. I was literally holding my innards in while I tried to heal myself. It was beyond excruciating.

242. How ticklish are you? Where are you ticklish? I am. I am not going to give you where because if Jo sees this she will take advantage of it.

243. What would you wish for if you ever found a genie? Is it 3 wishes? 1) I would wish that I was not in any way associated with Alazhra. 2) I would wish that my parents are provided for, for the rest of their days, so that they can live comfortably in their old age. 3) Assuming I cannot just kill Lowls outright, I would wish for myself and my friends to be teleported straight to him so we could kill him ourselves. Seems more satisfying than just wishing him to death, too.

244. If your house burned down, what one thing would you want to save? I assume you mean objects and not people, because obviously if my home burnt down I would make sure my parents could get out safely first. Other than that…probably our family shrine to Desna.

245. Describe yourself sitting in your favorite spot. I would be seated on a hill at midnight. I would be far from any towns, and the full beauty of the starry night sky would stretch far off to the horizon.

246. How do you go to sleep and how do you wake up? (position, routine, etc) When I am camping, I sleep on a bedroll in a tent. Otherwise, I’ll sleep on a bed at an inn. I typically stay up late, and given the luxury of time I would sleep in. I generally sleep on my back.

247. What is a dream (during sleep) that you have often? I do not typically have recurring dreams. I do try to remember my dreams, though. Dreams are one of Desna’s gift to mortals, and I try to enjoy the experience when I can. Unfortunately, with dreams come nightmares. That is Alazhra’s domain. And I have had some…gruesome nightmares, especially recently.

248. What is a day dream that you have often? Returning home. Seeing my mother and father again. Telling them that everything is OK now, and that I can visit home as frequently as we like.

249. If you were to die and come back as any person or thing, what or who would you want to be? My first instinct is to say ‘a human’, as I’d like to live the peaceful normal life that Alazhra stole from me. But if I could be reincarnated as anything, I think it would be lovely to be a migratory bird. Flying from place to place simply because it is in my nature. It sounds nice.

250. What is your motto? Oh, do we have mottos now? I did not come prepared. Do people actually have mottos or is that just a thing in fiction?

251. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why? To be honest, although I did not start traveling of my own accord, I cannot imagine being happy settled down anywhere anymore. I don’t want to live anywhere, I want to live everywhere. Go where the wind and Desna’s will guide me.

252. What time period do you wish you could have lived in? Why? (This is not a chance to change history.) What appeals to you about this era? It would be very interesting to live in Arodin’s time. The world must have been quite different, with Cheliax not owned by devils, and the ascended not yet gods.

253. If you could go back to any point in history and change something, what would it be? To be honest, I do not know. History led to the world being how it is today. There are so many acts of evil that COULD be stopped by someone with foreknowledge, but what might it lead to? What if those who were inspired to do good because they saw such evil manifest end up following a different path, and the world loses a force of good because of it? I am not a Pharasman, I do not believe in balancing the scales. Taking away one evil and one good from the world is still the loss of something good.

#my ocs #pathfinder #Ileark Keita #oc questions

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sizzleissues · 7 months

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20 questions for fic writers

It's been a while but thank you for the tag @wackus-bonkus-maximus

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

8! We had more over the course of time but I'm fickle with keeping things up >_<

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

54,090 - Thought it would be lower and it used to be higher!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

At the moment Miraculous Ladybug mainly and the occasional Owl House/Skullduggery Pleasant

4. What are your top 3 fics by kudos?

The Prince and The Baker

Speak my Language

Will you sign my picture if I sigh yours?

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! I try to respond to every person but sometimes it takes me a while XD

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't really write angsty endings - that I post at least. I probably have a one shot scattered on my tumblr that's angsty. (Though I am planning somethings)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Going to default to a oneshot called Binder

I like to end short stories on a open note but this one is conclusively happy!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I used to but I've since changed fandoms and for the most part things have been positive but there has been a few salty comments that aren't 'hate' per se but are blunt or opinionated. Could be worse >_<

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nope! I've written slightly spicy stuff that's in the docs but its probably tamer than YA hahaha. I'm on the ace spectrum so it isn't always for me.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I haven't that I can remember. Feel like a missed out on that phase, but unfortunately I was looking at stars

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of and lets hope it stays that way forever and ever

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not for fics

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I haven't but I'd love to at some point. So for the future - doors are open

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Not sure, a lot are tied in my mind... (Horace and Chloe from the Box and the Dragonfly) ((and like three other book ships that have sunk or never got to sail)) (((love square also of course)))

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

A lot of things. BUT ONE DAY I WILL FINISH EVERYTHING I PROMISE I WILL

16. What are your writing strengths?

I am funny, sometimes, and just it having warmth and having flow. I have to work on owning to my strengths >_<

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I frequently write myself into corners. Sometimes I can never back out. And like poetry and probably other stuff but I'm always trying to get better (:

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think there's purpose to it, but it depends. Like if understanding the character is better for the story, have them mainly speak in the language of the entire book with a couple of common words thrown in perhaps. But it you just want a fun character whose lines can be easter eggs to speakers of the language, that can be very funny.

Having a character say "Ba mhaith liom do thón a ithe" in response to serious dialogue and only speakers can see its rude.

But it can also be annoying if frequently done because readers feel as if they are missing out.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

If stuff I wrote only in my head when I was five counts then Barbie. If not, Skullduggery Pleasant

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

Speak my language but I think something I haven't posted will top it sometime in the coming year

I think everyone I would tag has been so this is a invitation for anyone else to join if they feel like it!

#sizzle rambles #ask game #miraculous ladybug

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shadow-pixelle · 7 months

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Fic Writer 20 Questions

Ta for the tag, @shootingstarpilot!

(These ask games are always so long, so under the cut!)

1.) How many works do you have on ao3?

Thirty four! Which is a lot more than I thought I had.

2.) What's your ao3 word count?

475, 955. All hail oneshots.

3.) What fandoms do you write for?

Currently the top one is Star Wars, but I've most recently been writing for DC.

4.) What are your top five fics by kudos?

Mission Files, Into the Archives, A Credit To The Order, Lineage Dinner, and Chasing a Beacon. (Three of these are from the same series, lol. Kinda great.)

5.) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yesssss. Comments are great. I sometimes take a month or two to reply, because of a combo of 'I like to let them build up and answer them all at once' and 'there's comments to answer and I have no energy to do it'. But I do like replying to things, it's very fun. People screaming about my work is my lifeblood and I like screaming back.

6.) What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hm. So the obvious answer would be Shattering Point, the Pokemon minific I wrote a few years back. I'm not much of one for angsty endings, though. Angsty beginnings, sure, but most of the time if I write a fic I'm aiming for a happy ending, even if I'm gonna put the characters through it in the meanwhile. Even Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow, my other angsty fic, ends at least hopefully if not necessarily happily.

7.) What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Proooobably Second Sun, so far. That one's just comfy and I like it a lot.

8.) Do you get hate on fics?

Rarely, but yeah. I've had a few sarcastic/snappy comments about the whole 'oh the Jedi suck', but my personal favourite one was when I got an angry comment on an MCU fic- it was actually my first real nasty comment on AO3, which was cool. It's only not deleted because someone else in the comment jumped in to argue back and the entire comment chain ended up like 40 comments of 'angry screaming versus reasoned debate' which was honestly just funny to read through.

(That part only happened because the entire thing went down while I was asleep and then in class, so I couldn't actually do anything to it.)

9.) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Nope.

10.) Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I've written a few, yeah. Not sure really what the craziest would be... from posted stuff I guess it's the Worm/Pokemon fic, A Shadow, an Eon, and a Worm, which is slightly gravebound atm because I am so tired and so busy. Other than that I've got an in progress Star Wars crossover that I will eventually finish and then reveal the whole crossover of, and a very tiny DC crossover I'm working on.

(This does not count the ideas, of which I have several.)

But yeah I guess Worm/Pokemon is my craziest.

11.) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of, no. Thankfully.

12.) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Also a no! This would be cool, though.

13.) Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Yup! A couple of my really old fics (that have been confined to the basement from Early Writing Cringe) were co-written, and a current project, The Spare, is being written with Kali! It's fun, if a bit slow sometimes because we both have the attention span of cracked out squirrels.

silently ignores that I'm the one causing the delays this time

14.) What's your all time favorite ship?

Uuuh. Y'know I don't know if I really have a favourite? I'm pretty down to swap ships really. If I find a fic and like the ship, into the box of model ships it goes.

15.) What's a WIP you'd like to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Hey I actually have an answer for this this time! As much as I like to say I want to finish everything I write, the real goal has always been finish everything I post. Just that I tend to post most of what I write.

BUT! There is one fic that I probably won't finish because it's very angsty and depressing, and in the end of things I got maybe half way in and never did pick it up again. It's called Letters to the Abyss, and it's a Star Wars fic that deals with a lot of the later Clone Wars stuff.

So y'know. You can probably guess how that goes, between 'angsty' and 'late Clone Wars era'.

16.) What are your writing strengths?

Personally I don't think I'm good at anything, but apparently I'm good at characters and utterly breaking people's hearts with the characters. So yay that.

17.) What are your writing weaknesses?

I hate writing descriptions. I just really struggle with doing it. Apparently it usually comes out ok, but that's after a lot of work with it. I'm also really bad for keep repeating words in one section and then never using them again.

18.) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I'm a disaster for this. I like it, so long as it is either a) sparse, b) frequently repeated words, or c) translated shortly after. My personal method is a mix of A and B, I only do a little really and tend to use the same words more. I also make sure to add hovertext translations; I know those only really help if you're reading on computer, but it's still something. If I knew how to do that thing where clicking a word makes it a different word, I'd use that too.

If I'm doing any writing where it's a long stream of dialogue in a different language, then I either go with a) written in English, but in italics to denote that it's a different language (if the PoV understands it), b) a section of 'X and Y spoke for a moment in (language)', or very rarely option c) where I just have the PoV character summarise the conversation in internal dialogue. I don't do that much because I kinda dislike it, so usually it's A or B again.

Literally the only thing I don't like is 'long stream of foreign language that is only translated in the end notes' or similar, and I try and avoid that as much as I can.

19.) First fandom you wrote for?

Pokemon! Was fun.

20.) Favorite fic you've ever written?

Hmm. Hard one, because I get emotionally attached to all of my fics. Quick hit list, probably A Shadow, an Eon, and a Worm, just for the length, Meanings of Master as a whole for the worldbuilding, and I'm super fond of Ornithology at the moment because it was super fun to mess with.

(I also like Maskless a lot but that's a WIP. I mean technically all but Ornithology is a WIP but y'know. It's an unposted WIP.)

Some if-you-fancy tags for @kalicofox, @clockwayswrites, and @greentrickster! Have fun!

#ask game #my writing #writing #my life be like #it always feels like such bullshit when I open my AO3 page and see how many works I have #it's just like 'eh? when'd that happen'#fun though

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skzhua · 2 years

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Best Summer Ever (Yang Jeongin x Reader) Part 1

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Coworkers-to-lovers.

Summary: After the end of her long term relationship with Han Jisung, Y/N finds comfort in her coworker Yang Jeongin.

Warnings: Drinking, Jisung is a bit of a jerk.

Words: 2,079

Masterlist

A/N : This is inspired by my own recent experience in terms of relationship, a very much romanticized version of it. It's a multiple parts because I am currently in this situation and I am as confused as Y/N. If my actual 'crush' reads this, I'm so sorry. Anyway, enjoy!

" Ma'am, I'm sorry but I assure you it is not 20% off, I checked in the system already" I sighed as the lady in front of me starts fuming.

She left the grocery store fast walking without saying a word. As she got to the exit, she almost bumped into my coworker, Jeongin, who stepped aside quickly from the woman's trajectory. His eyes grew in surprise and he gave me a look to which I responded with a shrug.

"What was that?" he asked as he joined me at the front desk.

"Another rude customer, nothing new" I simply answered before going back to my job. "So I counted the 3 cash registers and made sure your breaks were all lined up correctly so you should be fine with closing tonight"

"Again, I'll be fine. I'm not a newbie anymore"

I rolled my eyes at his response. I have been a supervisor for more than 6 months and an employee for more than 2 years. Meanwhile, he got here a few months ago and got promoted 2 weeks afterwards.

"You still don't know the computer's password" I said.

"Chan sent it on the groupchat! As if I needed to remember it" he exclaimed causing me to chuckle. "Oh well, the devil himself"

Chan was a nice colleague and yet, he never once tried to befriend Jeongin and I. The younger man, though, was a social butterfly. Even if I was slightly upset it took him a shorter amount of time at work to get promoted than myself, he remained one of the only genuine friends I made in this shitty workplace.

"Y/N, you're aware you're done, right?" Chan said putting himself between Jeongin and I as I answer with a smile.

"I know, I just love you guys too much, I want to stay longer" I joked.

"Yeah, well, we do need to go" I heard from afar on my left. I turned around and saw my boyfriend, Jisung, at the cash register finishing his transaction.

"Looks like this is my cue, bye guys" I said before joining Jisung.

We left the store in silence and Jisung's pace was rather rapid. I tried to catch up but he was already in the car starting the engine while I wasn't anywhere close the car. Once I got in, I closed the door harshly before glaring at him.

"What is it, again?" I grunted in frustration.

"You told me to come pick you up at 3, it's 3:30 and you're talking with Jeongin making me wait" he responded in an annoyed tone as he left the parking lot.

Focused on the road, I didn't answer and simply crossed my arms in annoyance. Once we reached a red light, I found the timing more appropriate to explain.

"He was gonna come in late and I'm not allowed to use my phone while I'm working, so I'm sorry if I couldn't reach you to tell you to come pick me up later. You also know he's a dear friend of mine and my boss doesn't let us work together anymore so I kind of have the right to enjoy the small amount of time I have with him"

"There might be a good reason why she doesn't let you work with him" he whispered, but I clearly heard the words leaving his mouth.

"Han Jisung, every goddamn time you have to make a big deal out of nothing. We were happy for months and since the start of the summer, you've been sensitive about the slightest thing happening. What is wrong with you?"

I could see his jaw clench as he took a deep breath. He pulled over on the side of the street and parked the car.

"You are right, I'm an asshole to you" he says in a small voice. "You don't deserve this and I know how hardworking you are and how much of a good friend you are to your coworkers because of your situation with your boss. I have been on the edge because I think my love for you is dying... and before you say anything, it's nothing against you. You are amazing, but I don't think it's gonna work out"

"I know" I sighed in defeat. "I really love you, Jisung. And I appreciate your honesty. I'm not mad, I knew it was gonna happen sooner or later" I said trying to stop the tears from falling out of my eyes.

"And I really did love you, but we both know what happened"

"I know"

We stayed in silence for a bit before my phone rang. I looked at the screen and immediately wiped off my tears.

"I need to take this, sorry" I clicked on the green symbol before trying to say hi in my best happy tone.

"Y/N? Are you alright?" Hyunjin says from the other end of the line.

"Yeah, I'm good, what's up?" I lie.

"Uh, Jeongin asked me to call you to know where you put the keys for the safe... are you sure you're okay?"

"I am" I reassured him. "The keys are in the first drawer on the left, and can you pass the phone to him please?"

"Sure, give me a sec"

It took no time for him to call out for Jeongin and the boy's voice called your name worriedly.

"Hey, Jeongin. Listen, do you mind if you open the store tomorrow instead?"

"Of course, no problem" he said before I hung up.

Not two seconds later, I received a message from Hyunjin:

Hyunjin : I know you don't feel well, wanna talk about it?

Y/N : Not really but to sum it up, Jisung and I broke up.

Hyunjin : Oh Y/N, I'm so sorry... wanna come over to my place after? I got movies and snacks.

I smiled reading the message and Jisung noticed as he let out a small laugh.

"Already moving on to another man?" he jokes.

"You know me better than that" I shot a glare. "Can you drop me off at Hyunjin's please? I'll text you in the next few days so we can get our stuff back"

"Sure"

Not too long after, I could see Hyunjin in his sweat wear outside of his house as Jisung pulled over. I gave my ex-boyfriend a last long-lasting hug and I joined my friend in his parking lot.

"I thought you said movies and snacks?" I laughed as I approached his car.

"Thinking back now, Starbucks and late-night drive with music sounds better" he smiled while getting in the car as well.

After the car ride, it was getting late and Hyunjin was also opening the store the next morning. He dropped me off and I thanked him for the night. As I was about to walk to my house, I received a message from Jeongin.

Jeongin : You were right, closing tonight was awful... I couldn't find any of the things I needed and there was a whole ton of customers.

Y/N : I told you haha! You managed to do everything tho?

Jeongin : Yeah, fortunately...

Y/N : That's good. Again, I'm sorry for asking you to take my shift again, but I really won't be in the right mindset to focus properly.

Jeongin : No worries, I know you'd do the same.

Y/N : Has Hyunjin told you?

Jeongin : He didn't, but I figured. You said you'd had a nice date with Jisung tonight, but your tone said it didn't go as planned.

Y/N: It didn't, lol, but I'll be fine".

Jeongin : Wanna call a bit?"

He didn't need to tell me twice before I hit the call button.

~ 3 weeks later ~

I was fumbling my way out of the bar while Changbin, Felix and Seungmin were watching my every step. I had way too many shots and Felix wanted nothing more but to yell at me for being so stupid to drink this much when I knew I was working an early shift the next day. Of course, I was protesting saying I would be fine and that I don't need that much sleep to be productive.

Once the boys got me home safely, I was texting Jeongin on the way to my room and he quickly noticed I wasn't sober. He made fun of me but I was not able to text properly anymore. So I called him.

"Yes?" Jeongin answered.

"Jeongin!!! How are you?" I chuckled.

"I'm good, but you're definitely not okay" he laughed.

"I am though, I swear!"

"Y/N, I swear if you come in late tomorrow and look like a zombie, I'm quitting early" he threatened and you pouted knowing your favourite coworker was no longer going to be a part of your team by the end of the summer since he wants to focus on his studies.

"Don't you dare to leave me alone with that bitch! She's been bossing around freaking Bang Chan, the only supervisor she still had respect for"

"Yeah, I don't think she ever had respect for any of us" he laughed.

We kept talking for a good part of the night before he convinced me I should go to sleep.

The next morning, I unlocked my phone and wanted to cry as soon as I saw the messages exchanged with a few friends the night before and the time Jeongin and I were in the call; 2 hours and 43 minutes. I could barely remember what was said and I was freaking out. It was not like I could have said something I should be saying to him, but I knew, real deep down, that I could have said something like 'I like you'. Not like I would admit it anytime soon, but I still feared the possibility of spilling out personal stuff.

I got ready for work and left, not so much in a rush since I was not looking forward to facing Jeongin. The inevitable happened and he was right at the desk when I walked in the grocery store.

"Slept well?" he teased.

"Shut up" I rolled my eyes as I walked towards the backstore to punch in.

I came back to the cash registers as I was tying my hair up in a ponytail and making sure I didn't forget anything.

"We need to talk about yesterday" Jeongin interrupted my thoughts.

"Yesterday? What do you mean?" you said, unsure.

"Oh my god, did you really forget what we talked about?" he laughed.

"O-of course not"

"Don't lie to me, you totally did"

"Alright" I admitted. "I'm missing some parts here and there but I remember most of it. I didn't say anything too embarrassing?"

He paused to think but ended up laughing.

"Nothing that embarrassing, except you asked me 10 times what game I was playing"

I dropped my head in my hands in embarrassment while Jeongin was laughing even more.

"Alright, guys, I'm glad we can have fun at work but we have to count the inventory" Hyunjin interrupted as he handed me a list. "And Y/N, dear, you have some things to tell me" he winked and left.

"What did he mean by that?" Jeongin asked and I couldn't answer with anything else but a simple shrug.

After my shift ended, I was about to leave when I saw Hyunjin waiting next to my car.

"You're serious, Hwang?" I complained. "No need to be so serious about this"

"You should be the one serious about this, you called him until 3am, Y/N" he exclaimed.

"This is not what it looks like" I pouted.

"Listen, I know you just broke up with Jisung and it's really not a good idea to get a rebound, especially not with poor young Jeongin"

"I swear, Hyunjin, there is nothing happening with Jeongin, he's not my type anyway. We are just really good friends"

"Just be careful"

"Always" I smiled and there a pause. "You waited cause you needed a ride back home, didn't you?"

"Please" he pleaded. "My mom took the car this morning, I had to walk all the way here"

"Drama queen... get in" I said as I unlocked the doors.

#stray kids #yang jeongin #stray kids x reader #stray kids fluff #yang jeongin x reader

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beehivemind200 · 1 year

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Ashleeeeee chaaaaan I ask all of the t questions cause fucl it and don't worry I'm not some random stranger I'm just too shy to reveal who I am but we're friends- um sorryyy this is so awkward------- forgive me

Alrighty all 20? No problem no problem. And do not worry I have an idea as to who this is. TAKE NOTES PEOPLE CAISE IM ONLY SAYING THIS ONCE!! Now I'm gonna do this in little bursts to help me remember all the questions. I took screenshots of em so don't worry it'll be in order

1 Where am I most ticklish? Shoot honestly I don't know I've never gotten to figure that out but based off of where the phantom tickles go when teased or just when tickle is spoken in go with side and hips but hips more.

2 again never really been tickled I've mostly gotten little pokes and stuff like that but I got the idea that I enjoy it because if the joy it gave me and just the reaction of other based on my reactions if that makes any sense😅

3 what places do I like being tickled? Well I mostly just get little pokes on my side and sometimes back is say this spots

4 rough or playful tickles? Ooooh that's a hard one is say both as long as we are both having fun but I think my go to would be playful I like.... I'm not gonna continue that NEXT QUESTION!!

5 weirdest tickle spot? Frick I don't know??

6 like I already said it's the joy and the genuine happiness it brings me. I tend to mask a lot and just not show my true feeling cause I don't really know how? But tickling, teasing any part of it helps me feel my feeling in the moment and not feel unsafe. It's a comfort

7 what tools do I want to be rickled with? Hmmmmmmmmm well I don't think I'm feather sensitive so not feathers but I think just basic thinks like nails but I think markers and pens would work as well. Felt tip pens specifically I mean think about it! The ink is already cold witch just adds to the sensitivity and on top of that once it's dried the cleaning bit is just ahhhh! Like not sure what to use a soft rag or a clean sponge? I don't know but it's flustering thinking about it MOVING ON

8 favorite tickle memory? Definitely the one I posted recently about my friend scaring my and trying to grab my mask? Yeah that one!

9 can I tickle myself? Only slightly and in my stomach

10 do I enjoy bondage? Only very light pinning like have my arms held above my head that's the most I can handle😅 plus I still wanna be able to get the let back that part of the fun.

11 do I enjoy raspberries? Not sure but I like giving them. The nervousness and anticipation of the action is just *chefs kiss* amazing.

12 last time I was tickled? My last shift soooo the 23rd 👍

13 do I like tickling other people? OF CORSE! that's the best part in my opinion! Bringing joy to others and having them laugh or any reaction giving is just so lovely! And getting to tease people! Ahhhh it's so nice! There's is a specific person I love to tease and that's @kennabelee. They are just so cute and when teased they get all flustered and giggly. sure they have potty mouth when teased but eh still adorable AND THEY CAN FIGHT ME ON THIS THEY KNKW THEY WILL LOOSE!

14 what spot gets the best reaction out I my when tickled? Well damn ok. Umm mmmm I think hips? Suremive never been tickled there but whenever its mentioned I get all flustered and giggly the same thing happens when ever some one jumps at me or makes claw hands that's the spot I cover if not my sides so 👍yee NEEEXT

15 other than my sibling and 2 friends no

16 so I like tickle hugs? I've never gotten one which is sad but it sounds like a really fun idea mixing 2 of the best thing.? Count👏 me👏 in👏 GIMMIE

17 I'm not typing it the whole thing but if go with the 1st one. I'd rather giggle softly than laugh loud I'm not the biggest fan of my voice 💫surprise 💫 so if rather be tickled where my laughter is quite also I feel like my laugh is annoying since its all squeaky.

18 2 peeps @trashyswitch and @kennabelee I feel like we are all evenly matched so I can fight back but they are both equally fun to hang out with soooooo yee💙💙

19 sure! As long as its like 2 or 3 people anymore and if bee overwhelmed hot if its 4 people and one is just teasing? We cool 😎

20 do I wanna be rickled right now? Well seeing how its 3 34 in the morning? Kinda I had a bad day so it be nice but you know its 3 34 in the morning sooooooooo

And that's all of em peace out✌️

#ash answers #tickle community #thank you for the ask!#lovely anon #well i'm blushing now nice #im not flustered your flustered

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noro-noro-noro · 2 years

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life is good

they had alcohol at the reception & i had 2 drink tickets so i was gonna get a Sprite & then a beer for my sister so she could have it on the weekend! & when i got the drinks, the guy opened the sprite. i didn’t expect that but it’s ok! i’ll just tell him not to open the beer. then i said “hey don’t open that i’m gonna put it in my bag” he opened the beer anyway, so i had to carry two OPEN cans 15 minutes through really hot weather to my car >:( & i complained about this to one of my friends, & she was like “oh do you want some peach blackberry ciders? i got like 3 boxes recently i can give you a few!” & i checked with my sister “do you want peach blackberry cider my friend is offering” & my sister was like “that’s so nice of her!!!!! i’ll give her some candles!!!” (my sister just used a coupon exploit to order 17 candles from bb&b) so i had to go drop off the OPEN beer for my sister & pick up the candles, & then my sister decided to go with me so she could see my friend’s kittens so i had to wait for her to get DRESSED, & tthen i went to my friend’s house & got the ciders exchange for candle (& to pet the babies) & then i went HOME (to mom’s house).

but it’s not over yet bc i wanted to look for some old sheet music i was worried my mom threw out. ALL our piano stuff from when i was 5 was in this huge box and the actual loose sheet music was all scattered around the bottom, but i was able to scrape everything together i think! the sheer number of hetalia sheet music transcribed by random people on youtube in 2013......anyway i DID find capriccio farce! which is what i was looking for since the guy who i downloaded the sheet music from deleted his account at least 4 years ago.

then i was lamenting there was some sheet music that i couldn’t find, like “um uhh that one song that goes like this” --> i proceed to play part 1 of rachmaninoff’s prelude in c sharp minor perfectly from memory despite not remembering the name. it took 20 minutes to remember the name. there were also other songs. so i’m really happy pthat i remembered the names of a bunch of songs i used to really like & can still play a lot of them decently well!! my hands remembered!!!!!! i didn’t even slightly!!!!! muscle memory is insane. unfortuantely i don’t remember how to play chopin c sharp minor waltz from memory, but i’m sure it’ll be really easy to get sheet music for it. i rememberd how to play the middle section bc it was my favorite & my sister was able to get it on shazam which worked for getting the name!!!!!! really happy i remember these!!!!!!! i can learn them again!!!!

then as i was leaving my mom’s house my mmom was just getting home from work & she was like wow melanie you look so professional today!!!!!! this is such a nice skirt!!!!!! and your lipstick (this is my new lip tint that i got a few days ago) perfectly matches your shirt!!!! you look so ncie!!!!! and you wore the nice shoes i got you. what color is the lip? coral? coral is my favorite color i use that one a lot too 😤 & she said the lip tint smelled like oolong tea. which is cool bc i thought it was like tea scented but i didn’t know what kind specifically.....

& i’m like this bc my mom doesn't compliment me very often & i know she’s only doing it bc i’m dressed like her & using makeup she likes but still!!!! :D :D :D :D

and then i got back to dad’s housee & he made tasty tasty fried tofu for the first time in MONTHS !!!!!! life is GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!! sucks about the bigass blister on my foot but i am HAPPY

#noro.txt #:)

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sweet-little-nerd-writer · 2 years

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OC questions :)

I decided to do this: it is very long

1. Your first OC ever? Something from my little pony. I don't exactly remember them.

2. Do you have a personal favourite among your OCs? Not really, but i do obsess over the ones i've had the longest (my minecraft sona, oldest d&d character, and an old ninjago character for example.)

3. Have you ever adopted a character or gotten a character from someone else? Yes, mostly warriors characters.

4. A character you rarely talk about? Most of my unused d&d characters. I am going to make many posts about them soon though.

5. If you could make only one of your OCs popular/known, who would it be? FUCK. Prolly Harmony???? Because she has a story that I really want to tell. but also lunalei because of most of the same reasons but also because I feel like people would go ham on her design and backstory.

6. Two OCs of yours that look alike despite not being related? I don't think I have two that look that much alike without being related.

7. Are your OCs part of any story or stories? Many. I play in 2 d&d campaigns and i just daydream a lot, and also i have 4 pokemon ocs.

8. Do you RP as any of your OCs? If you do, introduce one of your RP OCs here! Uhhhh Delryn, Lunalei, Harmony, and Igne. they're my active D&D characters

Delryn is my really tanky paladin with a 21 ac and 100 hp, and she's so soft and motherly it hurts.

9. Would you ever be willing to give any of your OCs to someone else? No.

10. Introduce an OC with a complicated design? Tayla! She's a human vampire with three of my favorite magical items (grappling hook, phantom steps, and a cloak of many fashions.) and she's got an opera sad/happy mask with one side of it cracked off, and it has a deer antler attached to it. she is verrry complicated.

11. Is there any OC of yours you could describe as a “sunshine”? delryn. She is the mom friend of the group, and has the second least amount of trauma in her adventuring party (we have recently discovered that her parents did not just abandon her, they also died!)

12. Name an OC that isn’t yours but who you like a lot There are a lot so i'm doing two. mollymauk tealeaf (for many reasons.) and lucifer @rosie-kairi

13. Do you have any troublemaker OCs? Tayla, but also Igne, simply because he's a fae, and it comes with the territory.

14. Introduce an OC with a tragic backstory *sweats profusely* Lunalei, who had an abusive cultist family and mommy issues (said mother is trying to summon an elder god to take over the world.)

15. Do you like to talk about your OCs with other people? YES. ASK ME ABOUT THEM.

16. Which one of your OCs would be the best at biology (school subject)? ... Igne. Because he's a fucking druid and no other reason.

17. Any OC OTPs? A lot. We have Harmony and her wife (who is unfortunately dead) and also delryn with her two gfs.

18. Any OC crackships? Not really mine???? but uh. sehanine and eilistraee in the forgotten realms campaign setting because the moon is a lesbian. no i will not budge.

19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why) Lunalei! She means a lot to me because she's been with me for 4 years now!

20. Do any of your OCs sing? If they sing, care to share more details (headcanon voice, what kind of songs they like etc)? harmony, and my other bard Aurum. Harmony has a slightly rough/husky singing voice, and she really likes love songs and also sea shanties. aurum likes singing lullabyes and softer songs.

21. Your most artistic OC I actually have no ocs that do art. it's weird.

22. Is there any OC of yours people tend to mischaracterize? If yes, how? Not really?

23. Introduce OC that has changed from your first idea concerning what the character would be like? Harmony AGAIN. She was meant to be a creepy fortune teller with the bard of spirits subclass! instead she's a little sad woman who can swing a sword real good! (college of swords.)

24. If you could meet one OC of yours, who would it be and why? Harmony because i think she's hot.

25. The OC that resembles you the most (same hobby, height, shared like/dislike for something etc?) Lea, my pokemon oc, but also my minecraft sona.

26. Have you ever had to change your OC’s design or something else about them against your will? Not really? I don't show half of them.

27. Any OCs that were inspired by a certain song? ... Many.

28. Your most dangerous OC? In terms of regular damage input? Tayla, she does 2d12+2 and 15d6 damage at full, glorious power per turn.

29. Which one of your OCs would go investigate an abandoned house at night without telling anyone they’re going? I have no idea. probably uhhhhh. lunalei

30. Which one of your OCs would most likely have a secret stuffed animal collection? also lunalei. she kept every stuffed animal her brother gave her in secret.

31. Pick one OC of yours and explain what their tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything really) Lea. It would be about his job (champion) his best friends (bede, hop, and marnie.) and also posting about his life and everything that touches it. shots with leon after he beats him in the battle tower, reblogging pictures of him taken by fans, stuff like that. also besties with raihan.

32. Which one of your OCs would be the most suitable horror game protagonist and why? no clue. i don't like horror games.

33. Your shyest OC?

34. Do you have any twin characters? uhhhhhh. No. but i do have very close siblings and that's really good enough for me.

35. Any sibling characters? many. Harmony and Hunter are tiefling siblings, lunalei and her older brother alastor.

36. Do you have OC pairs where the other part belongs to someone else (siblings, lovers, friends etc)? technically, alastor is an npc played by the dm.

37. Introduce an OC who is not quite human alasteria. She has two sets of eyes, and looks generally like a creepy porcelain doll. (archfey)

38. Which one of your OCs would be the best dancer? alastor! it's part of his religion actually.

39. Introduce any character you want mir, my kobold gloomstalker ranger. he's an idiot and i love him.

40. Any fond memories linked to your characters? Feel free to share! Lunalei is what started me on playing d&d!

41. Has anyone drawn fanart of your OCs? If yes, maybe show a picture or two here (remember sources & permissions!) no. i'm very sad about that.

42. Which one of your OCs would be the most interested in Greek gods? Aurum. he's a bard of creation and a researcher.

43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confess I almost never make truly human ocs. it's the mystique and otherworldly sense of playing somehting that isn't human and is treated as such is really nice to me.

44. Something you like about your OCs in general they are all very strong in different ways.

45. A character you no longer use? all of my warriors ocs.

46. Has anyone ever told you that you treat your OCs badly? i rarely ever get to share mine ;^; so no.

47. Has anyone ever (friendly) claimed any of your OCs as their child? Yes! My minecraft sona, once.

48. OC who is a perfect cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure ... pass i can't think of any.

49. Which one of your OCs would most likely enjoy memes Delryn, she would misuse them (she's 250 years old you see she doesn't get all of the slang right.)

50. Give me the good ol’ OC talk here. Talk about anything you want magic! god i make almost exclusively magic characters. warlocks. wizards, sorcerers. clerics. druids. bards.

#oc #d&d #merlot plays d&d #lunalei morovik #alastor morovik #dnd #harmony brightwater #igne maes #aurum #mir #minecraft sona #merlot #a lot of ocs #original character #dnd original character

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princehrry-writings · 3 years

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Daddy?

happy Easter if you celebrate it!! I've been working on this for a couple weeks!! It's the longest one-shot I think I've ever written.

word count: 5180

please please please flood my inbox with your thoughts and comments!! i want to know what you think!!!

warnings: some swearing (i think), absent birth father, single mom, nothing too serious.

“And who might this be?” He said softly, hoping that he wouldn’t frighten her.

“Tell Harry your name baby,” Y/n brushed a stray piece of hair away from her daughter's face who shied away behind her mom’s leg.

“Stella,” the little girl mumbled, fidgeting with the jeans she hid behind. He felt his heart flutter. She was just so freakin cute.

“It’s lovely to meet you Stella, m’Harry!”

“You talk funny.” The child said, making Harry laugh and Y/n gasp, scolding her daughter for being rude while trying not to laugh at her blunt comment.

“Stella Rose, that was not a very nice thing to say!” Y/n softly reprimanded.

“Sowwy Hawwy,” He chuckled, letting her know he forgave her.

Y/n is a single mom and Harry wants to be a part of the family.

Getting pregnant was definitely not something Y/n wanted to be doing at 20 years old. She had a boyfriend and the career of her dreams but as soon as the news broke, one of those things was no longer true. Her ex skipped town faster than she could even finish telling him she was pregnant, so Y/n was left to her own devices since her family was so far away.

She was a songwriter. She had worked with all the big names in the industry from Taylor Swift to All Time Low. She was known for being able to write in any genre, that’s what set her apart and why people were clawing at the chance to work with her.

And then she got pregnant. She kept writing songs until she was eight and a half months along but due to minor complications, her doctor had ordered her to stay home. So she did. She stayed home, had the baby, and raised her all by herself. Now that baby, whose name is Stella, is four years old and is traveling the world with her mom. Y/n had gone back to work when Stella was a year old. At first, she would leave her baby with a sitter, but eventually, she got to a point where Stella was old enough to come along to writing sessions and quietly color or play with toys in a corner. She really liked going to work with her mom. She got to see a bunch of cool places and meet a lot of nice people.

And one of those people was Harry Styles. Y/n had met him a few times back when he was with One Direction, had even tried to work with the band a few times but things never lined up right. But now he was making his second studio album and only wanted the best of the best to write with him so naturally, he called Y/n. Harry knew she had a kid but he didn’t expect her to bring said kid to a writing session. Harry didn’t really mind- he loves kids, but his friends had been known to curse a lot and he didn’t want to cause any harm to the child.

He made sure to give everyone a stern talking to, even though Kid already knew to hold his tongue (his little ones had repeated some colorful words a few times). He wanted everything to go right, needed it to. Y/n was more than just another songwriter.

“Y/n! I’m so glad you could make it!” Harry smiled as she walked into the studio. She smiled back, walking into his open arms for a hug.

“Thank you so much for having me, I’m super stoked to be working with you!” She said, slightly muffled by his neck. Harry looked down behind Y/n and saw a little girl that looked exactly like the woman currently in his arms looking right back up at him. When the two pulled away Harry was quick to kneel down to her height.

“And who might this be?” He said softly, hoping that he wouldn’t frighten her.

“Tell Harry your name baby,” Y/n brushed a stray piece of hair away from her daughter's face who shied away behind her mom’s leg.

“Stella,” the little girl mumbled, fidgeting with the jeans she hid behind. He felt his heart flutter. She was just so freakin cute.

“It’s lovely to meet you Stella, m’Harry!”

“You talk funny.” The child said, making Harry laugh and Y/n gasp, scolding her daughter for being rude while trying not to laugh at her blunt comment.

“Stella Rose, that was not a very nice thing to say!” Y/n softly reprimanded.

“Sowwy Hawwy,” He chuckled, letting her know he forgave her. Although he wasn’t mad, he understood Y/n had to teach her not to say things like that even if they were funny.

When Stella had settled at a table out of the way of the adults in the room with her coloring book and a juice box, the work began. Y/n and Harry sat at a piano bench ( he hoped she couldn’t hear his pounding heart) while Kid and Mitch, along with Jeff, sat scattered around the other furniture in the studio.

“So, I have a couple of ideas that I’ve been sitting on that I think you might like. You can look through this and see if there's something that catches your eye.” Y/n said, handing Harry a notebook. She tried to ignore the tingle she felt run up her arm when their fingers brushed. He flipped around the pages, noticing random little doodles in the corners and in between lines, and the somewhat messy but readable handwriting. He thought it was cute how she connected her s’s to her t’s and k’s when she wrote.

One page, in particular, caught his attention.

Golden, Golden, Golden

As I open my eyes

Hold it, focus

So you take me back to the light

I know you were way too bright for me

I’m hopeless, broken

So you wait for me in the sky

Brown my skin just right

“Is this a verse or a chorus?” He asked, pointing it out to her. She shrugged saying she didn’t really know yet but it would probably be a verse.

“I like it a lot,” He said and she smiled, picking up her guitar and strumming it to the tune she had thought of for the words. He listened and nodded along, already getting ideas for where to go next.

“I like the golden thing. I think that could be a good hook, something like we’re so golden,” Kid spoke up, tapping his fingers along to what she was playing.

“Or you’re so golden,” Mitch suggested. Harry and Y/n’s eyes widened at the same time, both looking up at each other when they heard the line.

“You’re so golden, you’re so golden…” Y/n hummed.

“I’m out of my head, and I know what you said about hearts get broken,”

“How about I’m out of my head and I know that you’re scared because hearts get broken,”

“I like that better, yeah!” Harry smiled, nodding along to the beat.

Y/n looked over 30 minutes later to see Stella had sprawled out on the floor with her arms folded beneath her head, first finger stuck into her mouth, and she smiled, breathing out a laugh.

“She’s so precious,” Harry murmured from beside you. Your gaze found his and the smile on your face widened a little bit.

“She is, isn’t she.” She said, pride present in her eyes.

“Looks just like you as well,”

“Yeah thank god, I don’t know what I would have done if she had ended up looking like her sperm donor,” Malice dripped from the end of her phrase. Y/n couldn’t even entertain the idea of her looking like the man who helped create her. That nerve was still a little raw, not because she had any remaining feelings, but because he had abandoned not only her but the beautiful baby girl who was napping not 15 feet away from her. She figured they were better off without him, yet her heart always shattered a little when Stella asked if she had a daddy like the people she sees on tv.

“I couldn’t imagine finding out the woman I loved was pregnant and then leaving her, any real man would have stayed.” His eyes were genuine, which she appreciated. Most people would say they felt sorry for her, pity dripping from their gaze, but she didn’t need pity, didn’t need people to feel sorry for her. But what Harry said was out of pity, he just honestly couldn’t understand how anyone would abandon a child.

“Yeah well, I guess I just wasn’t the woman he loved.” She said, looking back at her baby. Stella made all of that pain from when he disappeared worth it.

Harry wanted to be able to take that pain away.

---

“Hey I know it’s late, but I have this idea and I want you to hear it,” Harry’s raspy voice chimed through the speaker of Y/n’s phone. She glanced at the time, reading 1:30 AM, and sighed.

“Ok,”

“Come open the door,” He said.

“Wait what? You’re here?”

“Yeah, come on. It’s cold out here.”

“Ugh, hold on,” The woman sighed, hanging up and tip-toeing out of her room so her footsteps wouldn’t wake the sleeping four-year-old in the next room over. Her door was open and she was a light sleeper.

The door swung open and Harry stood there with a small smile on his face, burrowing as deep into his coat as he could to shield himself from the cold air outside.

“Hi!” His cheeky smile made Y/n’s heart flutter.

This was the first of many times he would show up at her place in the middle of the night.

---

Another night of Harry coming over late with a song idea he couldn’t wait to show Y/n, although now it was more he would come over after Stella fell asleep and the two would watch movies and talk, and sometimes write songs (even though the album was done).

The pair were perched on the couch in a heated conversation about whether or not pineapple belongs on pizza (it does and that is a fact not an opinion) when the sound of little footsteps caught their attention. They both looked up from where they sat at the sound of loud crying coming down the stairs, seeing a small child with tears barreling down her face, cheeks flush an angry red, first finger stuck in her mouth, teddy bear clutched tightly to her chest.

“Baby what’s wrong?” Y/n cooed, getting up and sweeping her into her arms. She went and sat back down on the couch, cradling the baby to her chest, brushing her hair out of her face, and rocking her back and forth.

“Scawwy dweam mommy,” She hiccuped into her mom’s neck, where she hid her face. Her tiny hands clutched onto her shirt, finger stick tucked between her lips.

Harry held back a coo at the little girl, feeling himself fall further and further for the little family of two sitting before him. He hadn’t been able to take his mind off of them since that first day he met Stella. He’d always had a schoolboy crush on Y/n since they first met all those years ago but knew it was one-sided when she introduced her boyfriend one of the last times they had seen each other. As fate would have it though, they found their way back to each other. Neither of them could deny the feelings they held, but Y/n was scared to bring someone into the picture because she didn’t want Stella to get attached to someone who wouldn’t be permanent. She was lucky her ex left before he ever got the chance to meet Stella, the kid had no clue what she was missing, therefore didn’t have any pain due to her absent father.

She would be lying if she said she didn’t imagine Harry stepping into that role. But she couldn’t ask that of him. He was at a time in his career where he didn’t have time to be the father of a four year old.

But life is full of surprises.

“Hawwy.” The baby whimpered and crawled off of Y/n’s chest, into his lap and snuggled her head right into him like it was where she was meant to be all along. His heart just about burst when the little girl fisted his shirt, tucking herself into him. His arms instinctively wrapped around her, cradling her into him and rocking her back and forth like her mother had been only moments ago.

Stella calms down almost immediately, to Y/n’s surprise. It usually takes her a while to console her baby from bad dreams, but all Harry had to do was hold her, and boom, no more tears.

“You alright petal?” He cooed into her hair, soothing his hand up and down her back to keep her calm. She nodded, letting out a huge yawn and closing her eyes, falling back asleep in his arms.

Y/n was astonished. Stella had never fallen asleep on anyone but her mom or her grandmother. She’s known Harry for a few months and was acting like he’d been there her whole life.

“Wow… she loves you.” Y/n whispered, not really meaning for him to hear but he did and his smile gave her the impression that he loved her too. But Stella wasn’t the only one he felt such affections for.

“Y/n....” He starts after a moment of silence, “I know this sounds crazy because we’ve only truly known each other for a few months… but I’ve had feelings for you for years. I missed my opportunity when you got with your ex but I’m here now, and I love you, and I love Stella, and I would do anything to stay in both of your lives if you’d have me. I want to be here for you, and I want to be here for her as well.” His confession shocked the woman sitting across from him.

Y/n was quiet, eyebrows furrowed in deep thought while she took in what he was saying. Trying her best to keep her fantasies of playing house with him at bay, she spoke.

“Harry, as much as all of that sounds lovely, you’re about to start press for the album and then go on tour. You’re not gonna have time to be in a relationship, and as much as I wish I could just jump into something like that, I can’t. I have her to think about…” She gestured to the toddler sleeping on him.

“She needs consistency, her life is already hectic enough.”

“So come with me!” He spouted, and then retracted a bit realizing he could wake Stella up.

“What?”

“Come with me! You two travel around already, so come on the press tour with me and then come on the big tour with me! I know this sounds impulsive and it’s probably the craziest thing I’ve ever said in my life ever, but I’ve never been more sure of anything. I know what I want Y/n, and that’s to be a part of this family. I want to be a part of your lives!”

“Harry, I-”

“Please Y/n. Give me a chance! I won’t let you down!” The gleam in his eyes shows her that he’s serious. He really does want this. Harry just hopes that Y/n can see just how willing he is, how much it would mean to him to have (what he already affectionately considers to be) his girls with him on tour.

It’s quiet, only sounds of Stella’s even breaths and the light noise of her sucking on her finger fill the room. Eventually, Y/n gathers her thoughts, mind made up.

“We’ll try it out… see how it goes….” She said, releasing a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding on to. Harry’s smile grew tenfold at her confession, reaching over and bringing her face closer to his to kiss her lips, careful not to wake the baby in his arms.

He had never been happier, Harry decides, than he is right now.

---

“Hawwy?” Stella’s voice catches Y/n’s attention from where she sits on the plane, in between her and Harry. She turns her little head to the man sitting in the aisle seat, big round eyes staring right into his.

“What is it, lovebug?” He asks, pushing her wild baby hairs away from her eyes. Y/n did her very best not to coo at the two of them. Harry had fallen perfectly into step with the mother and daughter, like this duo had been a trio all along. She was still hesitant to think of him as a father figure for Stella though, just because if things went south somehow, she didn’t want her baby suffering a loss like that (a second time).

Stella’s little fists rubbed at her tired eyes. She let out a small ‘hmph’ and laid her head on Harry’s arm, wrapping her own little arms around his.

“Awe you my daddy?” She asked and Y/n choked on her spit, looking back over at the toddler.

“Stella, baby-”

“I would love to be your daddy lovebug, but that’s not really up to me…” He spoke and glanced up at Y/n quickly, trepidation clear in his eyes. Harry was afraid he might overstep. Sure he knew that things were still new between him and Y/n but he wanted nothing more than for Stella to think of him as her dad.

“Who’s it up to?” Y/n could tell she was about to fall asleep but was fighting it in order to get her answers. She had adjusted to a more fast pace schedule quite nicely. She slept through most plane and car rides and absolutely loved being backstage at concerts. Harry thought she looked so adorable with her big noise-canceling headphones on. They had been on the road for a few months now, and it had been 8 months since Y/n decided to give him a chance.

“It’s up to mummy, baby.” He answered, his fingers tangling into his chestnut curls in a futile attempt to keep them out of his face.

Stella’s head immediately whipped to look at her mom, who sat frozen in her seat, not knowing what to do.

“Mommy, is Hawwy my daddy?” She repeated her question. Y/n had a feeling that Stella thought Harry was her real dad, the one that her mom didn’t like to talk about. She had to make sure there was no confusion.

“Not like you're thinking he is, baby. He’s not your birth dad, he didn’t help mommy make you, but if you want him to be your daddy, then that’s ok with me.” Y/n locked eyes with the man sitting across from her with a smile on his face. She was glad that they were flying private because she really didn’t need anyone ruining this moment for them. All her fears of this not working out felt stupid now.

How could she ever think that things with Harry wouldn’t work out? He was right where he belonged.

---

“Daddy!”

“Baby!” Harry knelt down to catch the running (almost) 5 year old, picking her up and spinning her around in his arms. They were in England for two weeks on tour. One for shows, and one so that Y/n and Stella could meet Harry’s mom and sister for the first time as a part of the family. Y/n had met them before as “a friend of Harry’s” many years ago, but they had never met her as Harry’s girlfriend, and they hadn’t met Stella.

Currently, Harry was in the middle of a show and Stella had just escaped her mothers arms side stage in favor of running to her dad. Y/n still couldn’t get over saying that. Harry is Stella’s dad. She doesn’t think that will ever get old.

No one knew how serious the relationship between Y/n and Harry was. The public knew they were together (after a very vague post on instagram of the mother/daughter duo napping with the caption “my girls”). Many people thought this was a PR stunt, just because it was so unlike Harry to post something like that. But he had actually confirmed in an interview that, yes, he was in a relationship with the songwriter and it was pretty serious. That was all he chose to say, in favor of keeping his secrecy, as he so famously loves to do.

What came as a shock to the audience was what the child had called Harry. They all knew about Stella, obviously, but no one would have thought that this child would think of him as her father. A lot of people didn’t like thinking about Harry being a father.

“What are you doing out here baby?” He said into her ear, making sure he could hear her over the loud noise of the audience. Most of them loved getting glimpses into his life, so the crowd was excited to see Stella out on stage and many thought it was adorable that she already thought of him as her dad.

“Missed you.” She said into his neck. The microphone had somehow picked up their little exchange and the whole crowd sighed a collective “awe” when she said that. She was perched on his hip with her little arms wrapped around his neck, her favorite place if she had to choose one. She was pretty small for a 4-year-old, most people usually thought she was younger.

Harry chuckled and saw Y/n standing there with a smile on her face. Mitch was giggling at the exchange and kept glancing back at Sarah with a knowing look of “That’s going to be us soon,” written on his face.

“I missed you too lovebug, but I’m in the middle of a show! I gotta send you back to mumma.” He said. Stella didn’t like that though, because as soon as the words left his lips she was clinging to him like he was her life force and the tears began streaming down her face. She didn’t like having to share her daddy. She just wanted to be held by him right now, and she’d be damned if she got anything but her way.

This amused everyone, the child's insistence to be in her father's arms, so he sighed and bent to her will because how could he say no to his baby girl?

So he walked over to her mom and got her headphones, slipping them on her, and walked back to his microphone with her on his hip, ready to start the next song.

“Harry and Stella” was trending on twitter the very next morning. No one could get enough of the father-daughter duo.

---

Y/n hadn’t been this nervous since she was about to give birth to Stella. She stood with her baby in her arms as Harry opened the door to his childhood home, announcing to his mom and sister that they were there. She had to wipe her sweaty palms on her jeans more than once.

Anne rushed out from wherever she had been, greeting the three of them. Stella had met Anne via FaceTime many times so it was not news to her (or Gemma) that Harry had stepped into the role of Stella’s father. She will admit she was surprised at first but then she was reminded that Harry had been in their lives for almost a year before Stella had asked the question. It wasn’t something that was rushed into.

Anne was very excited to be meeting her grandbaby and was very excited to meet the girl that had made her a grandmother.

Stella got shy, not being used to seeing “Nana” in person. Gemma had emerged from her spot in the kitchen as well, greeting everyone.

“Hello, my loves! How was the trip?” Anne said, kissing both of them on the cheek, her hand gently caressing the child's cheek in an attempt to get her out of her shell. Once she realized that this was her Nana that was standing before her, Stella reached out for Anne, silently asking to be held by her. Anne jumped at the chance, sweeping the baby into her arms and giving her a big hug, kissing her on the forehead multiple times, not being able to quell her affection for her first grandchild.

“It was good mum, Stell slept the whole way and traffic was pretty light,” Harry said, slipping his hand into his girlfriend’s, brushing his thumb back and forth trying to help calm her anxieties. For whatever reason, Y/n was worried that Gemma and Anne wouldn’t like her because she had come into their son/brother's life with a child, but it was clear that the two ladies loved the idea of Harry being Stella’s father.

“Oh, that's lovely!” She smiled, cuddling Stella impossibly closer to her. Y/n felt most of her worries melt away seeing the woman with her baby.

She felt silly for thinking Anne would be anything but happy.

---

Anne would not put Stella down for anything. The two were attached at the hip every waking second. Y/n was actually starting to miss her baby, but she appreciated getting to spend time with Harry without having to keep an eye on their little one. Gemma was absolutely smitten with Stella as well. She was very excited to be “Auntie Gem” as Stella had quickly adapted to calling her. Stella was very happy as well. She had never been around so much family in her whole life. She’d been so used to just her and her mom, and then just them and Harry, but now she had two whole grandma’s all to herself and an auntie she gets to call her own, something she never knew she was missing, that Y/n never thought her baby would get to have.

Harry was so happy to see his baby with Anne and Gemma. They had been bumped to spot number 3 and 4 on his favorite girl list, with Stella and Y/n taking spots 1 and 2. They didn’t mind one bit.

“Daddy, can we watch a movie?” Stella jumped up onto his lap as he and Y/n sat on the couch, just talking and enjoying each other's company. Y/n smiled at the girl, tightening her grip around Harry’s shoulders, resting her head in the crook of his neck.

“Of course we can lovebug! Go get Nana and auntie Gem and we’ll all pick one out together!” He replied, petting her wild baby hairs out of her eyes just like he always did.

“Auntie Gemma said to ask you if we could watch…” She paused for a second, her little finger tapping on her chin like she couldn’t remember what she was gonna say. Suddenly, she was up and running back to the hallway she had just come from. Y/n and Harry heard little whispers before she came running back out and plopped back onto Harry’s lap, on ‘oof’ erupting from him.

“This Is Us!” She finally said. Harry’s face dropped as he looked behind them to see Gemma standing there, trying to hold back her laughter. Y/n just started cackling and Stella was giggling even though she had no idea what was going on.

“Daddy’s in that movie baby,” Y/n finally calmed down enough to say to her daughter. The little one’s eyes lit up, her hands clasped underneath her chin. This was what she did when she wanted her daddy to say yes to her because she knew he couldn’t resist how adorable she was.

“Please please please!!!!!!” She whined, leaning in to place her forehead against Harry’s. She knew exactly how to get him. He caved every single time.

“Yeah, fine. We can watch it!” He finally said and all three girls cheered. Anne came in at the noise wondering what was going on.

“What’s all this?” She asked and Stella ran up to her, pulling on her

“We watching Daddy’s movie Nana!” She said, jumping up and down with a glowing beam on her face.

“Oh, are we now? Which one?” Anne asked and Stella paused.

“Daddy, how many movies awe you in?” She came back and crawled into his lap. She still had trouble saying her r’s. Her and Harry were working on it.

“Two, lovebug. But one of them you can’t watch until you’re older. It’s too scary f’you.” He said, cuddling his baby into his chest. She put on a little pout hearing that. She didn’t like when her daddy told her no, but this was something he wasn’t gonna budge on.

“Ok,” She sighed. All the adults thought this was adorable.

So they all settled in and watched the movie. Harry had a permanent blush on his face and Stella would jump up and down every time he was on the screen.

“Nana look!! That’s you!!” Anne laughed and nodded to her granddaughter.

“Yes, it is baby!”

“Mommy, why aren’t you in this movie?” She asked and everyone giggled.

“Me and Daddy didn’t know each other very well back then, baby.” Y/n laughed. Stella didn’t really understand but she didn’t say anything else.

The last few days had worn her out and that became very obvious when Harry looked down and saw his baby asleep on his chest, her first finger stuck in her mouth just like it always was when she fell asleep.

“Love, I’m gonna go lay her down, and then I’ll be right back,” Harry whispered, cradling the sleeping girl in his arms and slowly standing up. Y/n nodded, kissing his cheek before he left.

“He’s so good with her!” Gemma cooed, her face lighting up seeing her brother with his kid. A sight she was still kind of getting used to seeing.

“He really is…” Y/n smiled, “It was pretty instant too. Anytime he’d come over and she was still awake, he’d insist on putting her to bed, reading to her, singing to her, he’d bring her toys. She’s had him wrapped around her little finger since he first laid eyes on her.”

“That’s so precious,” Anne spoke up, coming to sit next to her, wrapping Y/n in her warm embrace.

“I can’t wait until you two get married!” Y/n laughed at Gemma’s confession, snuggling into Anne.

“All he has to do is ask, I’m ready to say yes!” What none of the girls knew was that Harry was standing right outside the living room, hearing everything that was being said. His mind raced back to his suitcase where a velvet box sat tucked away between all of his clothes.

He was hesitant to bring the idea up because it had only been a year, but the saying when you know, you know he thought.

He came back into the living room, acting none the wiser, sitting on the other side of the girl he was going to marry (she just didn’t know it yet), and cuddled into her just as she had cuddled into his mom.

“Daddy,” A small voice broke through the now quiet hum of the tv.

“Lovebug, what are you doing back up?” He asked, lifting the sleepy little thing into his lap.

“Scawwy dweam, daddy.” She said and he pouted, pulling her closer into his chest and snuggling her back to sleep.

Harry was exactly where he belonged in life. With his baby girl in his arms, and his Love by his side.

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