#I am so sure there is something I've forgotten so if this suddenly disappears and then is suddenly reuploaded that'll be why

[captivebyvelvetandveneer]

Time to slay

[notdiabolika]

“This is not a date.”

But it sure feels like one.

| Featuring: Ayato Sakamaki & Yui Komori.

Heavily Inspired by Diabolik Lovers Anime Anthology Manga, Ayato's second chapter.

Prompt 5: First Date.

From the moment I settled for my fate to live in this huge mansion, I have been treated as prey by every single one of the vampires living in it. Rude comments were said to me every day, night after night.

The Sakamaki brothers would never show mercy. 

– I am not food! – I tried to say countless times, and no one bothered to listen.

As time passed, I lost hope of being heard and became increasingly lonely. Until one of them showed up to question me.

 – Sup, pancake? – Ayato's presence was recurring, wherever I went, I would be confronted by the red-haired vampire. – You have been sighin’ nonstop lately.

He asks this while using one of his rude nicknames, as always. However, I decided to answer him.

– It's just… it's been so long since I've had fresh air. – Another longing sigh crawls out of my nostrils, my gaze wandering to the ceiling. – The mansion is too stuffy, and I start to think about going somewhere else. Like a park or a garden outside of here. 

No one would let me leave, it was that simple. 

– A park? – With a single step, Ayato places himself right in front of me. His brow was furrowed. – For what? Do you want to have a date there or something? – His tone was blatantly mocking. 

– What? No, I never said that! 

Laughing at my face, he looks down at me. 

– You know, your reaction says it all. – He walks around me with a sneer on his lips. – Of course, no one would invite you, with that flat chest of yours. 

– My chest has nothing to do with it! 

With the little freedom I have, it would be impossible to find someone in that sense. I don't even want to have a relationship with anyone right now. 

– It has a lot to do with it. – Determined, he takes a step forward, daring me to respond. – Pan-ca-ke. 

I know that if I answered him, his response would be another snarky joke. Ayato is really cruel. 

Selfish, and an eternal child.

I just want to be listened to, without my words getting distorted or laughed at when I'm trying to say something important. Any change from him seemed too good to be possible. 

– … excuse me. – I turn my back, catching him off guard as I head to the opposite side.

I’m in no mood to deal with that kind of discussion today. Rather keep myself out of trouble until dawn, no matter how much I despise wandering in the dark. Better alone than going out with bad company, after all. 

When school starts, I sit outside at the top of the building, letting the wind intertwine my blond curls. I should have been in class, but the concentration on my studies had faded along with any remnants of determination. 

On nights like this, loneliness is my only enemy. 

It's cold out here. I need to hug my knees to get some comfort. 

I would like to look at the sky, but the stars are hidden among the clouds. The only thing left is the bright full moon.

Even if I insisted on reaching its light with my fingertips, they would never make it. Some hopes were doomed to be forgotten. 

However, I hadn't completely abandoned my dreams yet. I still thought of them.

– What are you doin’ here? – and he also remembered me.

When I lift my chin, I find the same confident boy from before seemingly bothered. His usual white shirt with three of the buttons unbuttoned, the black jacket, and one of the legs with the pants resting on his knee. 

– Nothing… – I doubt he would care if I told him. 

His eyebrows hunched as if trying to guess what I meant by that.

 – Tch. – His hand lands on my back, pulling me away from the corner. – It's annoying when you suddenly disappear. 

There was only one reason why Ayato would care about this. 

– Uhm. – My lower lip trembles a little. – You always get upset when the prey disappears, right?

The words sound defiant in my head, although the voice comes out small and sad. I stand up with the support of his hand, watching his cautious expression through my pink irises.

He seems to think for a while, not knowing how to respond when he notices the lingering melancholy in my actions.

– Your blood is simple food for vampires. – Obviously, Ayato will say that. – It would be strange for us to treat you in any other way. 

– Okay… – I don’t even want to argue, my mind is too exhausted for such a thing. 

I try to free myself from him, with little desire to use force. 

I remain in place. 

– And this, it's “okay” too? – His arms wrap around my waist, suddenly pulling me towards him. 

– Eh?!

Before I can react, the soles of my shoes leave the floor. The air currents that clash against me get more intense, and when I look down…

– A-Ayato. – I close my eyes. – Get back down, we’re going t-too high.

I forgot that vampires could fly on a full moon, and I never imagined that he would grab me and take flight like that, out of nowhere! 

– Who told you to close your eyelids? – he murmurs with annoyance. – If you’re so afraid of fallin’, all you need to do is hold on tight. 

Following his advice, I began to tighten his clothes. The muffled laugh that rises from his chest forms a strangely pleasant buzz against my skin. We ascend into the night sky. 

My sighs become lighter as I place a small part of my trust in him, despite still being scared. 

The environment around me felt swift and slow, indicating that Ayato had – finally – stopped.

His grip on my waist becomes solid, an assurance that he will continue carrying me.

His body barely emits heat, but it gives me a comforting feeling when I hold on tightly. Courage blooms in my chest, a curiosity to see what he wanted to show me so bad.

In an attempt to satisfy this anxiety, my eyelashes lift one by one.

I thought the heights would scare me, however, I was wrong. The city lights are beautiful, as bright as sun rays in the midst of shadows. A whiff of air slips away from my lungs, and my palms drag to his shoulders.

– I remember you said you weren't a big fan of the darkness once, so… – he turns his head upwards, forgetting to finish the sentence. – Oh, that's right, you wanted to see a park. 

My heart filled with happiness when I realized that he had actually paid attention to what I said. I didn't even remember sharing this information with Ayato, but it seems that this opinion of mine had been kept carefully in his thoughts.

 – There’s an amusement park. – He points with his index finger, proud of his own discovery. – Right there.

Following the direction in which his green eyes are guided, I observe a ferris wheel and other lit toys, as well as wide gates guarding the place. No group of people inside.

– It must be closed at these hours. We have to go back— 

He cuts off my speech, pressing my body against his. 

– Don't be a party pooper! You’ll be able to experience anythin’ you desire once we get there. – A playful smile forms on his lips, the idea sparkling in his pupils. – Let's go now.

– No, wait! 

WHOOSH— 

Ayato pretends not to hear as he flies away. I bury my face on his shoulder, a loud screech escaping my throat.

I hold him tightly as we cross the vast ocean of urban buildings, which resemble a bunch of figures and shadows moving around us. When we reach the blue floor, it feels like my stomach just turned from the inside out. 

– … why do that? – I take in the fresh air, releasing it with some difficulty.

This night is getting too radical for me. 

– If I had let you talk, you’d be complaining. – He murmurs, relieving the pressure of his hug. – It’s your first time skipping class, we gotta celebrate somehow! 

This, in no context, should be a reason for celebration. 

– There is no way to enjoy a closed amusement park. – A calm breeze passes by, and I break our embrace. – Someone might see it and call the police, we are trespassing after all.

He laughs. 

– As if they’re going to find us! – the confidence in his words remains unshakable. – In the worst-case scenario, I’ll grip ya and fly away. No issue.

This vampire never changes. However, I have to admit that this little adventure lifted my spirits.

There's a section with a field of artificial flowers and the park’s map behind him. Even though we're the only ones here, all the attractions listed make me want to explore more. 

– Alright. – I confirm with hesitation. – Let's try to be discreet, it would be awful if we ended up damaging something. 

In the moment’s rush of adrenaline, I almost fail to perceive the cocky vampire puffing his chest in satisfaction.

– Heh, I always knew you weren’t as prissy as you seemed. 

It surprises me that a guy like him managed to drag me into such a mess, which makes me question his true intentions. However, when I stop to question why, a very peculiar possibility comes to mind. 

It makes me stay quiet for a while until I have the courage to ask:

– Ayato… did you bring me here because you wanted to have a date with me? – It made sense. That's what he had asked me before in a teasing tone, and it could be the real reason.

I see him blink, caught off guard by the question. No response comes out of his mouth. 

Moments of stillness stretch between us. 

– What are you sayin’? – suddenly, his face starts to become serious. – Obviously, I brought you here to have a meal.

My heart shatters. 

I take a few steps back, almost bumping into a carousel horse by accident.

– Oh… 

Of course. I don't even know why I thought it would be different. 

– Come on, do your thing. – His lips form an evil smile, revealing his sharp fangs. – Close your eyes. 

I was foolish to think his intentions would be good. I let my eyelids roll over my eyes, cringing in anticipation of a bite. 

The silence becomes a thousand times more unbearable than it was a few seconds ago. 

Until he blows a puff of air on my ear.

– Ow! – I cover it with my hand, eyes opening in irritation. – Ayato, if you're going to bite me, don't hurt my hearing! 

His laughter resonates in my mind, and I, without understanding, watch him take a step back. 

– Do you really think that, among all these fun toys, I'm ‘bout to bite your neck?! – suddenly, his hand holds mine. – Dum-my. You think too highly of yourself.

I’m amazed at this development, until I feel a pull from him, getting my feet dragged to God knows where Ayato is taking me.

 – Tonight, let’s have fun. – Despite only seeing the back of his head, I'm sure Ayato is smiling. – So be quiet and don’t ask unnecessary questions.

The wind carries us around, shaking our fabrics and loose strands of hair as his fingers get tangled with mine. The touch is gentle. 

The occasional – and discreet – glance he throws in my general direction tells me…

 …this is definitely a date.

EXTRA: Silly moodboard.

‹━━━━━━━━━━━ .☆. • ☪ • .☆. ━━━━━━━━━━━›

this text was way too hard to translate from my mother language to english, I hope this is decent (help)

I rolled a d30 (a thirty sided dice) online to determine my theme, and then noticed there was an extra, bonus prompt that I forgot to count. Oh well.

May we heavily boost #diabolik otp challenge this year. I hope this oneshot wasn't too long :,)

Also, check out LeFreet, I took the rendered Ayato chibi from one of their posts.

(@yuriko-mukami) <— Follow the creator of this challenge!

[teaspoonnebula]

I've apparently had this fanfic idea lying around in my docs for ages and I have a feeling I'm not going to write it because it's a mashup of Sherlock Holmes with Dorian Grey and I haven't got plans to reread Dorian Grey anytime soon, so... enjoy this rough outline I guess.

Holmes has been engaged to investigate the disappearance of the socialite Dorian Grey. An elderly man has been found stabbed, but wearing Dorian’s rings, next to a strange painting.

Holmes investigates Dorian’s past and discovers that the painter of the portrait (Basil Hayward) vanished after supposedly going to France. 

He and Watson both travel to France. Throughout this section of the story, Watson should be written in the most stereotypically Jam Watson way possible - the bumbling comic relief. “Well I never, Holmes! However did you deduce that! I say!” etc etc.  Holmes manages to track down a traumatised Basil Hayward who was disfigured by an attack (but the signs of him being a painter are all on him, to Holmes!)

Basil explains his story how he made a Faustian deal and his friend Dorian’s soul and the painting became linked.  Holmes listens, but does not believe it.

The fact that he has come all the way to France to be fobbed off with fairy stories infuriates him, and he mooches around his and Watson’s hotel in a funk. Suddenly, Watson’s attitude changes. He sits Holmes down and explains that everything Basil said is true - the reason he knows it is true is because he personally has committed the same sin. 

He adored Holmes, and wished desperately to immortalise him with his pen. Wished desperately enough that... something... heard him, and granted that wish.

At first all was well, Holmes legacy and immortality was assured, but over time he has changed from being a real man to an idea.

From being flesh and blood, to being a character. 

Once, he (Watson) was a valued friend, now he is just there to ask questions and be silent, nothing more than a habit. 

“I have explained all this to you before, Holmes. You will forget. You have a great mind, but to understand this requires a great heart, and I do not know if you have that left. I am sorry. I am so, so sorry.”

The next day they head home for London. Sure enough, Holmes has apparently forgotten all about this revelation and is busy explaining how he solved the case of how Dorian Grey was killed (a humdrum explanation) but he feels it isn’t one for Watson’s books. 

Then - the Three Garridebs moment. 

Watson is shot, and for a moment it is an echo of the old Holmes which Watson sees, fighting the curse to get out to him. For a moment, it's the old loyalty and love there again.

It gives Watson hope that his friend isn’t totally lost to the curse. 

While Watson is recovering from his injury, Holmes writes a story (The Lion’s Mane), leaves it for Watson to find, and disappears.

After reading the story, Watson realises what Holmes has done: by writing a retirement story for himself, he’s broken himself free from the spell - allowing the myth of Sherlock Holmes to live on, but the real man to slip off into obscurity. 

Watson goes to find him in Sussex, and discovers that he is back to his old self again - the man tending the bees with joyful exuberance is the same human man who worked with chemicals in the lab at St Barts. 

The curse is broken, but Holmes gives a note of caution: 

“I believe we must mostly stay apart, dear fellow. You have made ‘Holmes and Watson’ together have a touch of the mythic, and I believe that curse will begin to stir once more should our association remain too close. The occasional weekend visit, however, I feel cannot do much harm.” 

“I have made you give up everything you love. I have condemned you to be alone.”

“Not so, Watson. The art of detection was my vocation, certainly, but you have forgotten that I have had many interests in my life. I wished to be a beekeeper long before I wished to be a consulting detective.”

Watson is going to get the train back to London, overjoyed that Holmes is well, but heartbroken that they cannot see each other often lest they wake the curse. He isn't sure what to do now. He has no desire to go back into medical practice.

He ends up overhearing about the need for a schoolmaster at a local coaching establishment. He says he would be willing it take on the job. 

He gives his name as Stackhurst. 

[xenonmoon]

Ok this is a part I've completely forgotten from when I've read this comic the first time

Wait, is this a flashback that fills in when they mentioned during the 2006 era (surely one of the Hulk crossovers from around that time) in which he mentions having been to a psych?

Here:

Why am I trying to identify some resemblance of continuity into a marvel comic series

Huh?

So Marc was convinced he """"caught"""" DID while assuming the roles of Steven and Jake and he asked to be tested.

Let's not forget: This was how the character was first written to be, inspired by a real life case of a (what back then was known as MPD) patient, but inspired only. It was mainly a story of a deeply traumatised man who got heavily "lost in character" trying to run away from his past and guilt. It got the vibes, but it was meant to be a different thing. Different times and all of that.

With time, two versions of his condition emerged: one that leant more into the "his other identities are characters he impersonates / he's convinced to be" reading more heavily, and one that leant more into "The others are separate entities with some degree of autonomy"

They are both different readings of the same concept, which were used by different writers in different degrees depending on their interpretation of the character and the story they wanted to tell.

Moench always tried to play on the ambiguity of it and anyone (characters and readers alike) could interpret it in their own way.

Dixon and Huston, just to name some, went more with the 1st while Steven Grant (the writer) is the holy prophet of the 2nd during the early days (he's the one who established it as a proper reading after all).

However, the second reading seemed to have sort of disappeared after a while. Sort of like, during the late 80s till the 90s talking about someone with potential MH issues was apparently not cool? Most writers seemed to have completely forgotten about that.

Then the turn of the century happened and suddenly talking about MH was cool. But apparently everyone forgot which particular brand of MH struggles the character had so people sort of made up their own?

Or just fucking slapped some cheap pop psychology shit like "borderline psychotic" "psychopath" or "multiple personality disordered" or stuff like that. Throwaway labels that were in no way reflected by the plot. Ok the last one almost ALMOST got it and really stuck with the character (despite the alleged "personalities" almost never appearing or being treated as aliases) but-

There's one problem though. Even if he was confirmed to have That Specific Disorder (which is, in our civilised terms, DID), there'd be one problem.

It's a real disorder with real diagnostic criteria and real people living with it. The character wasn't written to fit said criteria and work exactly like one, only to show similarities on a surface level.

Trying to claim something that isn't made to be X is X shows both poor understanding of the X thing and poor respect for people living with X, or even worse contribute diffusing harmful stereotypes about the X thing. Classic rep gambit, for this reason most of the times I think it's better leaving it unmentioned unless you know what you're doing.

Well that's dramatic

(I omitted a part because it's funnier in its separate post)

That's... one way to do it? It's very conservative of what was said in the previous runs connecting them all without overriding anything significant. And gives it a supernatural (? sci-fi?) origin (brain got rewritten by an entity), so to distance itself from any real world connections (outside of its resulting behaviour)

Clever in its own way, as it's a solid attempt to bring order to chaos while being respectful to previous works.

I'm not sure I like it. Most likely not, as it shift from an internal, mental struggle to an external and more "physical" cause that can be "removed" by eliminating the agent responsible for it (in this case, the ancient consciousness from beyond space-time). MK's condition is no more something that stems from him but that was "done" to him, something that somewhat reminds me of when they thought MPD was iatrogenic and didn't actually exist?

But it's not really really that eloquent on how much exactly is Khonshu's fault and how much stems from MK trying to manage their condition. And how much of all of that is a permanent change.

While I really dislike the "because it's crazy" introduction it sort of serves ad a bridge from the previous era of the character (in which everyone labelled as such without motive, as I've said) so it can be properly dismantled and disposed of as the character slowly transitions to a new "era".

I can respect the attempt, while not exactly fond of it

[jay-jay-64]

Story time! (I'm not a writer :'D)

__________

The Inkwell Isles; Thousands of Years ago…

In ancient times, there was a group of warriors that were dubbed "The Calix Amini". This group was split into 2 groups lead by two exemplary warriors, hand picked by "The Counsel", granting them each two warriors to help them. The first was lead by The Legendary Chalice and was called the "Chalice Tribe" while the second was lead by the Fabled Cola and was called the "Cola Clan". These two clans were entrusted by the "Counsel", to protect all mortals from being victims to the wrath of The Devil.

One day though, Cola was caught off guard while she was out gathering supplies and was kidnapped for months, possibly years, forcing Chalice to watch over both groups after coming to the conclusion that…well her fellow companion was dead. Though miraculously, Cola managed to prove everyone wrong and suddenly appeared near the outskirts of the temples, unconscious. After being nursed to health and taking control of her clan once again, Chalice seemed to notice something..off with Cola. The Cola Clan's population started to dwindling, slowly but surely it began to shrink, alarming both the Counsel and Chalice.

On a cool night, when the groups were getting ready to settle after a long day of training, Chalice confronted her partner, pointing her spear at her and giving Cola a cold stare.

"Cola." She began. "The Counsel and I have noticed a substantial decrease in your Clan's population. Furthermore, after the disappearance of your two right hands, I've noticed your power has increased substantially. Explain yourself."

Cola turned her head to face her companion, not bothering. This seemed to tick off Chalice, taking it as a form of disrespect. She slammed the bottom of her spear on the ground.

"I'm demanding an answer."

Cola stayed quiet once again before sighed, looking away.

"Why should I give you one? What happens in my clan is my business, not yours."

Chalice was taken aback by the response. She cleared her throat and took a step forward.

"I consider it abnormal that you're being so relaxed in a situation as horrid as this. Have you forgotten why we've been put in these positions?"

Once again, Cola stayed quiet, ignoring what Chalice had just told her. Once again, Chalice tried to get her companion's attention by slamming her spear on the ground.

"Do not ignore me."

Cola turned to Chalice and sighed, seeing that the warrior wouldn't leave the situation alone. Her hands balled into fists, staring daggers at her fellow warrior.

"Leave me be, I wish to not be lectured by the likes of you. A child, I am not."

"The way you have answered me and the way you are conducting yourself explains otherwise, Cola. I am growing tired of your calm state when your own Clan is endangered."

Cola chuckled before rolling her eyes, brushing off what her companion was saying. Although it wasn't clear what was going on, Chalice could tell something was up, and she was going to get to the bottom of this. She once again tapped the ground with her spear, glaring at her fellow companion.

"I did not get a chance to ask you this, but what transpired while you were in the Devil's clutches?" Chalice asked, softening her expression.

Cola looked at Chalice and frozez which the gold dish took note of. The red chalice stayed quiet for a while before beginning to speak.

"That information is—"

"—is not something I am entitled to, yes-yes. I've heard that many times. However, I can't help but suspect you are causing your own clan's endangerment."

Cola seemed relatively shocked to hear this accusations. Her eyes widened before feeling her fists tighten and the liquid in her head start to simmer.

"How can you say such a thing? What evidence do you have?"

"The timing of events paints a clear picture, Cola."

Without thinking Cola lunged forward and tried to take a swing, but Chalice quickly dodged and stood her ground, keeping her spear pointed at Cola.

"Interesting…you decide to attack instead of explain…"

"Keep your mouth shut. Hearing you speak is repulsive." Cola growled, turning her head to stare at Chalice, her powers seemingly beginning to activate. However, Chalice noticed some.. negative energy coming from her companion, something that didn't feel like it came from the Calix Amini. Upon realizing what it was, Chalice's eyes widened.

"Cola…you're…you're a—"

"Traitor? Is that what you're going to accuse me of?"

"You…You have demonic energy in your soul…" Chalice covered her mouth, quickly realizing what this meant. Her close friend..her sister…had joined the Devil's army. Tears quickly formed and the gold dish wear pointed her finger and activated her abilities.

"I demand an explanation. I want the truth!"

Lola's soul began to emerge from her body. Although it reflected it's vessel, it was accompanied by ghostly horns and a tail, swaying back and forth and revealing a sinister and sadistic grin on her face, though Cola herself seemed guilty.

"Forgive me..." The red chalice mumbled before stepping back and sending her soul to attack her victim. Instead of fighting back however, Chalice turned on her heel and made a mad dash back to her village. The two leaders were practically equal throughout their lives, but Chalice wasn't stupid. She knew Cola was much stronger now, and she was going to need back up..and to evacuate the villages.

The Cola Champion…had fallen into The Devil's grasp.

__________

Oh wow you're still here? Damn, nice to know! Uh, thanks for reading! I know this isn't my usual content..but I wanted to share this because..well I'm kinda proud of it :')

Thanks for reading! Hopefully I'll get art for it soon!

[bereft-of-frogs]

2, 7, 9, 14, 27, 28 for the weird writing asks!

2. If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen or pencil?

I think I could, in theory. That might actually be kind of a fun challenge, lol, just to see if I could. My problem with writing exclusively by hand is I tend to write really out of order, to the point of sometimes stopping writing whole sentences right in the

So yeah, I feel like I would have a hard time if I couldn't jump around like that, but also that is probably a bad habit that I should break. I will write individual scenes or little scraps of ideas in notebooks, especially when I was working. I think that's probably how I would write, if I were to do something like that. I would probably write a full outline and then just tackle scenes out of order, and then try to type it in order.

It would definitely be in pen. I don't like the smudges or the impermanence of pencil. I also write a lot in journals and notebooks with the thought of looking back at them when I am an old lady and I'm concerned about pencil fading.

But alas, I am not a wizard, so I mostly just write on my computer these days. (I am looking at my WIP list being like...hm I wonder if I could try writing any of these out by hand before typing.)

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

I think when you have a scene in your head and you suddenly get in the flow and everything is so vivid in your brain and just comes out and you're barely aware of time passing, but suddenly you have a few thousand words and it's exactly what you pictured, but now it exists outside of your head, in this new permanent form. Like, when you have that story in your mind it's kind of scary, because it's so ephemeral, it might be gone and you'll never get it back, and it's such a relief when the writing part just works and then it exists outside of you and you don't have to worry about it disappearing anymore.

...

well. Back up your hard drives folks.

9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know

I think I do. Mostly because I have been thoroughly freaked out at this sort of...sense of something else being there, just away from my consciousness. But on the flip side, I've been in other situations where it would have made sense to feel like there was a ghost there, but I've felt nothing, so that negative evidence feels like equally valid confirmation. Like if it was just my brain inventing the vibes because I knew a place was 'supposed' to be haunted, I feel like I wouldn't not feel something, you know?

(tldr, I worked in a crypt for 3 years and never felt weird, but I've been really creeped out in other situations.)

14. Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back?

I do loan out books, I don't mind. I've always gotten the important ones back. I'm not sure I'd loan out something really special to me, or anything I'd written in. (My copy of The Silmarillion has some personal notes on certain passages, so that's probably never going out to someone.) But for most books I don't mind lending them out, and I tend to beat up my books so I don't mind if people dog-ear the pages.

Apparently some of my 'lost' books have been in my parents' basement this whole time, so aren't really lost. There's one that I know for certain is sitting on a friend's shelf and I feel sort of guilty about asking for it back, because I think they've forgotten, but every time I'm over there I just look at it like...huh, that's mine.

27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why?

I think I'm still a little scarred from 00s/10s fanfiction culture, which wasn't very forgiving of female OCs, because every time I write a female OC I worry people are going to "flame" me with comments about Mary Sues or something. I've never had a bad reaction, but I remember being sooo stressed way back in the day before I posted that one chapter of 'pain and other human sensations' that introduced Astrid, or Kitri in 'what follows us'. Especially Astrid probably, because she was actually sort of functioning as an author-insert, in that she was delivering a lot of exposition and also my personal thoughts on the Sokovia Accords in that universe. But it worked out ok thus far.

28. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why?

Possibly unpopular opinion, but Peter Quill! I actually really like Peter and his voice has always come really naturally to me, so I find it very delightful whenever I can write something featuring him. :-)

[weird questions for weird writers]

[silasbug]

this was just supposed to be a quick little log on some recurring dream that's been haunting me since last week.

instead, i go through all of the fucking motions of burning down one of the closest friendships i ever had. it's long. it's negative. it's pathetic. but i need to get it out of my head, because my mind is a spiraling piece of... and i can't concentrate on anything else.

i'm not going to private it, because private things don't show up in my tags and i like to keep these things accessible for myself.

maybe someday i can look at this and finally be able to learn from it. have fun with it, future eden.

.

.

when i was a child (around the age of 9), i joined a chat website for kids and teenagers after someone sent me the link over another, really unsafe chat which was the website of a popular cold treat here in germany (kinder pingui, it's been discontinued, thankfully, because it was full of creeps and groomers).

being so young, i ended up joining that website and.. it kind of became my life at the time. i had no proper friends in real life because moving around so often and being awkward and shy left me socially inept and relationships barren. from the age of 9 i would spend hours, every day, on this website, talking and making friends.

now, thankfully i never had any outright bad contact on this website. in fact, i had so many goddamn amazing and beautiful experiences on this website that i am absolutely flabbergasted every time i think back on it- because with the state of social media today it's just no longer possible. i am shocked that my experiences weren't worse, and i would count myself incredibly lucky to not have run into a bad crowd.

every couple of years or so, i remember it, and incidentally that website still exists, you can still log in on it, but it's absolutely barren. it died around.. 2011/12? really, it didn't last more than 2-3 years, but while it was up it was huge.

there are a few old souls from back in the day who are still friends and meet on it regularly (i still remember talking to them back in the day, i did catch them online a few years ago and said hi. it's an absolute relic from my past but something about it still just.. operating is so amazing to me. it's one of the few sites i was a part of that never got shut down and erased).

so when i log back onto it every once in a while, i like to go through my friend list and just.. check on their profiles. it seems some of them have a similar idea & they also log back on every few years (you can see on their profile when they last logged in).

the last time i logged on was.. i think last week. i don't know exactly what called me to it, i was probably thinking about the past again and everything i've done wrong, but i felt the urge so i went and checked.

i.. hm. i don't think about these people often, clearly, but when i do, it just hits me like a truck. there was one boy i was really close with ("clank") who up and disappeared one day, the last time he logged on was about 7 years ago, but i remember him very fondly.

there was a girl who i became penpals with when i was still very active on the site ("reni"), she had also logged back on a few years ago and sent me a lil message. it was bittersweet.

but.. the person who was the most important to me was a girl named "dinka". shortly after my mother had moved us to canada, we met on the site after i estranged myself from all the other friends i'd had on the website (depression finally kicked in hard, it had been brewing for a few years but suddenly the floodgates opened and i just.. felt like a burden, unwanted, pretended to have forgotten them.. it was stupid and dramatic, i was 10).

i remember the first thing i said to her. i was sitting along in one of the chatrooms, just lolligagging with myself. she joined the chat and i asked her if i could confess something to her.

god it was so stupid, but when she said "yeah sure" i just bumbled out "i love deidara" because i'd just developed this huge crush on the character from naruto. shockingly! she said "welcome to the club, i do too xD".

it was like we were meant to meet. i was so.. and we just.. it sealed the deal. we were best friends from that moment forth, nothing could separate us, timezones be damned (obviously she still lived in germany, it was a german chat site). i don't think i had ever made a friend that easily in life ever again. we talked about everything, and i mean. absolutely. everything.

i didn't have consistent access to a computer (only being able to use the ones at my mother's workplace), but once we got one.. i consistently would stay up past midnight. we couldn't stop talking. she was my rock, whatever i was going through.

we had this list of things we essentially had in common that we called our "Wilkommen Im Club (WIC)" (Welcome to the Club) list. we had over 50 entries, i'm sure. i would still have it if i didn't accidentally lose access to my old e-mail account.

we eventually moved over to msn, then skype, we would voice call sometimes. eventually my mother moved us across Canada again (Quebec to Alberta) and for quite a while after we'd moved, i had very little to no access to internet (only if i managed to go to the library since our circumstances were.. unfortunate, to say the least). we did exchange phone numbrs and managed to chat over that sometimes, when i was within cell-service (which was also difficult).

our contact lessened significantly, but our friendship didn't. it was one of the only "stable" relationships i was able to have outside of my mother, despite how instable it was, because the way we were living i had very little contact to other people, period. until writing this out i never really realized how.. isolated we were. i wasn't even in school for a good chunk because it was hard to find a place that would even allow me whilst our visa status was so uncertain.

once i finally got into a school, i was able to contact her more often again thanks to the computers that they made available to us. i still had no friends, hell i couldn't have made them even if i had tried in that school. it was a small school for "delinquents and drop-outs". not that i was one (i really wasn't), but it was, at the time, the only place i was allowed into, because they took pity on me.

i did.. virtually nothing at that school besides chat with people online (i had joined another forum during that time, to talk to people since dinka wasn't online during my school hours for.. obvious reasons, but we stayed in touch, as much as we could). i didn't even do my course work (it was "work on the modules of your grade by yourself at your own pace in a class of mixed grades"), i did absolutely nothing.

when i could, i would go to the library after school or during the summers to talk to her or to just escape from home (it was hard during the summers, i had to ride a shitty bike over gravel roads in the sweltering heat from out in the country into town. it was miles better than being at home).

i always forget how unpleasant those years were. but at least, when i managed to catch her online, we were able to talk.

god, i loved her so much.

but i fumbled it so bad. of course i did.

i don't believe i'm a particularly good person, or that i ever was. i loved her so much but i still couldn't help but.. screw it up. despite everything.

coming into my teenage years, my mental health continuing to worsen, not knowing how to deal with anything or cope. i just let it all go up in flames. i could've been a better person. she had the drive that i didn't, and i was so noncommittal it must've bothered her to no end.

i respected her a lot for.. just being, wanting to be. having the energy and the drive to explore her interests, do things, besides just. rotting away like i did.

i don't remember when it happened, i think it was before we moved to Alberta, but we.. got together.

while we were still doing our naruto fandom thing, i wrote shitty lil fanfictions with our OC's. she wrote poetry instead. the reason i'm getting into all of this, why i need to get it out of my head, is because it's been bothering me so much since, a few days ago, i remembered that i used to have an account on a german fanfiction site. i logged into it. i found one thing she had wrote back then. it was a little poem, about her "best friend" that she had sent me, where she talked about having fallen in love with them. she wrote it for me back then- i didn't realize at first until she basically outright asked me how i felt, that it was indeed about me.

it hurts to think about. i'd somehow managed to make this amazing person, my best friend, fall in love with me. i.. wasn't sure at the time, and i think i made the mistake, of telling her i felt the same and wanting to try it out. i loved her so much, i wanted to convince myself that it was romantic. i now know that it was just platonic, and i was so, so stupid.

we actually were.. together for a few years. while i finally got into a new school and somehow actually.. managed to make some new friends (a real life best friend, even, that i loved very much, just as much), we still stayed in touch.

but this is where things took a turn. i just.. lost myself. i'm not saying that to absolve myself of responsibility. but i just completely lost it. i mean, i always had. i burned so many friendships (online) down because i was so convinced everyone hated me, that nobody wanted me around.

hell, it must've been really fucking hard, painful even, to be my friend, or even just to try to be, because i couldn't be normal about it. i was always very all or nothing, and if it wasn't all then i would push everyone away. i was not a good person. but the key problem is, is that it was never like that with her. i never tried to push her away.

until i finally did.

i remember that day so clearly. it was during the summer. my mom had dropped me off at tim horton's that morning so that i wouldn't have to bike into town that day (i think that rusty piece of crap was broken, anyways), so that i didn't have to stay at the house. gave me a few dollars so i could actually get something proper to eat for once.

i always went to the library from close to finish. i was a permanent resident when i didn't have school. there wasn't a day those librarians didn't see me and hand me the computer access for that day.

late afternoon, she finally got on. we had been fighting for a bit at that point.. i mean.. not fighting, but i had been being very difficult for a while. always deflecting when she asked me what my plans were, what i wanted to do with my life. frankly, i had become really boring. i had no motivation to learn, develop interests. the things we were able to talk about dwindled.

that day she tried to talk to me about our future plans. i had said i would like to study psychology & she was insisting that i tell her more concretely my plans, how i would do that, where i would like to go, etc. she always wanted to make concrete plans, again she was very driven, and i respected that. but i couldn't provide her with that, i couldn´'t think of or even fathom planning for the future because i saw no future. i had no motivation, nothing. i just existed in my own little limbo that i had created of "get up, get online, go home, sleep, repeat". it was horrible.

(i'd be lying if i said it is.. that I am any different now.)

and i just broke. i was.. i guess.. always good at hiding the part of me that was, at the time, deeply suicidal and hopeless from her. i don't remember talking with her about my mental health in any capacity that wasn't joking, and i didn't know how to help myself or to even begin trying to make it any better. fuck, i was barely 15.

i told her i couldn't do it anymore. that she deserved better. that i was shit. and i broke her heart. or i tried to. while also breaking mine, because she was still the most important thing to me, even while we were fighting. i cried so bad in the middle of that fucking library i had to log off and go to the bathrooms to calm down because it was just so fucking embarrassing.

i ate a donut i had brought with me in that bathroom. it was pretty salty through the tears.

when i finally calmed down and got back online, we talked about it. we decided to.. keep trying. to make us or our friendship work. she refused to let me break it like i'd broken all my relationships before (deleting everything and disappearing, mostly. i was that kind of guy). which i was grateful for. but it wasn't for the best.

our relationship was never the same, and eventually it faded. we talked less, shared less. i got worse. life got worse.

eventually we moved back to germany, i'd told her about this, we still talked. we wanted to meet at some point when i was back. and when i finally got back i.. well. i did what i did best. i ghosted her. at that point i wanted to kill myself so bad and tried so hard to convince myself that i was finally going to do it that i iced everyone out so that i would "hurt them less" because "you can't hurt them if they hate you".

such melodramatic shit. it fucking pains me to say that it's still the first place my head goes to when i feel like shit. i still haven't changed from that even through therapy because it feels like a part of me that i just cannot fix.

because i still believe it.

well, she wrote me an email, asking me where i had gone? what was wrong? and i ignored it for a full fucking year. the damage that i had caused at that point was irrepairable. of course i knew that. i know that it isn't anyone's fault but my own. i felt like such a coward, i was such a shitty friend. she deserved so much better than i did to her.

i.. did write her again. a few years later, i sent her an e-mail. apologizing. not like i deserved forgiveness. there was another friend at the time who actually wrote me a letter. all the was from canada, she sent me a goddamn letter. as if i deserved it after just disappearing like i did. i could write an entire novel about how shit of a friend i was to her as well. we actually.. it's kind of funny but we follow each other on instagram to this day. every once in a while we'll ask the other how everything is going, because it's too hard to let go. we had such a toxic attachement to each other. that's the kind of relationship i seem to form the best.

the last time dinka and i talked was a few years ago after i finally replied. we chatted on discord one night. we wanted to talk again, but we never did. she never replied again, and i deserve that, or rather, i don't deserve anything else from her.

i am happy that she is healthy, she is happy, despite me. i don't know what kind of an impact i had on her life anyways, i can't find it in me to take any credit in shaping her because i don't think i deserve it (in a positive sense). i also don't want to discount it because i need to hold myself accountable. you know how it is. it's hard to put into words.

it's easy to say sorry, but i am so, so fucking sorry for what i've done to people in my life.

i always say that i don't want to be the pain that people feel, but i've hurt people so irrevocably. the people that i've never wanted to hurt are usually the people who tell me that.. they never understood how friends could hurt each other, or how one could hurt someone they claimed they loved so much, until they met me.

i try to move past that and be a better person. but it is so. fucking. hard. i know that i was a kid. a teenager. but i can't just excuse it because i can't absolve myself of that responsibility.

anyways... the reason i got into all of this, and why this is tagged as a dream log, is because when i logged in last week, i.. saw that she had been online recently. after years of not having been. after years of not talking and only rarely remembering.

since then, it has been appearing consistently in my dreams. her. the chat. the fallout. i need to get it out of my head. i needed to remember it all so that maybe.. i can move on from it. let it stop haunting me. it sounds and feels so childish, but i don't choose what tangoes around in my head and what doesn't, and it's been entirely debilitating when i remember again. i know that's probably pathetic. it happened so damn long ago. but i'm someone that's.. extremely haunted by their past. i let it define me. i know that that is so fucking dramatic. i hate it. but the sooner i can admit that to myself, maybe i can.. finally become better. i don't know.

last night, and a few nights before, i dreamed that i was on that damned website.

i dreamed that.. after all these years.. i saw her online again. i saw her online. i.. it felt so fucking surreal. because of course, it wasn't real, and it couldn't be real.

but i saw her. and.. when she saw me online, she visited my profile. she sent me a message. sent me a pin through my profile. (you would get notified for all of these), so i just.. had a bunch of notifications flashing up from her. interacting with me.

i looked at them, i was so anxious i felt sick. but she seemed.. open to talking to me. hell, she was hanging out in the chatrooms, as if beckoning me. i joined.. i said hello.. and then i woke up.

and i can't get it out of my head.

[helloalycia]

worth the wait [two] // daisy johnson

summary: same as the first chapter – it was too long to post in one so this is the remainder of it!

part one | part three | part four | part five | part six | masterlist | wattpad

"What do you think?"

I raised an eyebrow as I poked my head inside the van, glancing around at the cramped space that had stupidly been turned into a living space. There was also, weirdly enough, a computer in the corner which made absolutely no sense.

"I think I have no idea what I'm looking at," I admitted, before looking to an excited Skye beside me. "What is this?"

She bit her lip to contain her grin as she patted the van's door proudly. "This is my new rig."

I almost laughed. "You're kidding."

Her smile lessened. "I'm not."

Now I definitely laughed. "Skye, c'mon, be serious. Whose van is this?"

Her smile disappeared as she clenched her jaw with annoyance. "It's mine. Sorry it isn't fancy enough for you, your majesty."

When I realised she was serious, I lost my smile and looked between the van and her. "Skye, where the hell did you get a van? You can't even drive!"

Clearly holding in her anger, she began to push past me and slide the doors shut. "He said you wouldn't get it," she mumbled to herself, but I heard.

"He?" I questioned with raised eyebrows. "Who the hell is he?"

"Miles," she snapped, stopping moving and looking to me. "Miles is the one who got me the van. He said it was a bad idea to show you and clearly he was right, Y/N. You took one look at it and laughed. He was right."

I smiled tightly, trying not to get worked up at the mention of Skye's new friend. She'd befriended this 'Miles' guy within the past few months and wouldn't stop meeting with him and his friends. He was in the grade above us, but just like her, he'd skip class and do God knows what.

Ever since she'd been hanging around them, she'd been standoffish and distant. She wouldn't contact me as much when she ran away, and she'd been skipping school more often than usual. They were clearly a bad influence on her, but she reassured me she was in control of her own life and knew what she was doing. Being the idiot I am, I fell for her pretty smile and convincing eyes, but this was getting too far now.

"No offence, Skye, but I wouldn't start listening to a guy who can't even make it to class on time," I said to her with a hint of annoyance. "Why do you need a van anyway?"

"Why not?" she countered with her arms crossed. "I thought you'd be happy that I'm finally taking responsibility. Growing up."

My expression softened. "I've never once said that you had to do either of those things."

"You don't need to say it," she mumbled, looking down at her shoes with a frown. "I know you think it. Everyone does."

I stepped forward, resting a hand on her shoulder and finding her eyes with mine. "Where is this coming from? Skye, I have never thought that. All I've ever wanted for you is to be safe and happy. I'm just worried."

She shrugged me off. "Well, now you don't need to be. I've got this."

"You're seventeen, you should be in school studying, not staying in a van," I said tiredly. "You've been missing so much. How are you gonna graduate?"

She avoided my eyes. "That's another thing... I've been thinking and, well, I don't think I want that."

I widened my eyes with disbelief. "What?"

Still avoiding my eyes, she continued, "I don't think I want to graduate."

I was too surprised to find words so quickly. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"How can you not want to graduate?!" I asked suddenly, finding my words. "It's what you do! It's what we all do!"

She met my eyes with apologetic ones. "It's what you do, Y/N. I don't want to be at a place that makes me feel like shit. I can't keep pretending I fit in when I don't."

"This isn't you," I told her sternly. "We were supposed to graduate together. You're not stupid, Skye. I can help you study. You can't just give up."

"I'm not," she said with certainty. "I finally know what I'm doing. That's all."

I squeezed my fists together to contain my frustration. "And what's that?"

"The Rising Tide–"

"For fuck's sake!" I cut her off, before hitting the van door with frustration.

"Miles has taught me a lot!" she defended. "They do a lot of good, Y/N! I just want to be apart of something bigger. Something that can help me help others. And something that can help me find my family. My real family."

I clenched my jaw, knowing I was too late in convincing her otherwise. Whatever Miles and the others had told her about their stupid hacking group had worked – she was dropping out of high school and there was nothing I could do to stop her.

"You're gonna be going to university and we both know I can't afford it," she said gently. "We couldn't stay together forever, Y/N. And my foster family definitely don't care what happens to me. I don't fit in anywhere."

I looked to her with glassy eyes. "You fit in with me. You always have."

She pursed her lips as she stayed quiet.

"I'm sorry I didn't make that clear enough," I added bitterly.

"That's not it and you know it," she muttered, shaking her head. "I have to do this. I have to figure myself out. Alone."

I felt stupid for letting her do everything she did leading up to this point. If I had just tried a little harder, maybe things could have been different.

"You're not alone though, are you?" I asked rhetorically. "You've got your new pals at the Rising Tide. It's their damn fault you're doing all this."

"They're not as bad as you think!"

"You've changed because of them!" I argued back. "They created a barrier between you and I. It's because of them that you've... that you've..."

"What?" she snapped, glaring at me. "That I'm finally thinking for myself?!"

I swallowed the lump in my throat and straightened up. "Forget it, just– forget it. I've got a midterm to study for."

She snickered harshly. "Of course. Don't want me slowing you down."

I stayed quiet and turned around to leave. I couldn't see past my anger as I left her with her stupid van. 

Of course, the two of us had been friends for a lot longer than that silly argument, so I was quick to realise how much I actually cared about her and her life, and wanted to apologise for how harsh and unsupportive I sounded.

The next day after school, I decided to head over to her foster family's place to hopefully talk to her. I'd had enough time to think about it and knew I was a lot more levelheaded now that I'd had some space.

I knocked on the front door and waited before an older blonde woman answered. I recognised her as Skye's foster mum, Sally.

"Hi, Mrs Collins," I greeted with a smile. "I'm looking for–”

"Mary doesn't live here anymore," Sally cut me off instantly, surprising me.

I had almost forgotten that Skye's foster family knew her as the name she was given by her orphanage – Mary Sue Poots.

"She doesn't?" I asked with confusion. "But I thought–"

"Goodbye, Miss Y/L/N," Sally interrupted, before slamming the door in my face.

I blinked with confusion before turning around and walking down the steps. It had been a while since I last visited Skye at home. In fact, she made sure I never visited her at home. I guess now I knew why. But then where the hell was she living?

As I walked around the neighbourhood trying to think about where Skye could be, I saw a familiar van parked up on the side of the street and put the pieces together.

Guiltily, I approached the van and sucked up a deep breath before knocking on the side. It didn't take long for the door to slide open and reveal Skye herself.

"Hey," I said quietly, noticing her surprised expression. "Can we talk?"

She licked her lips nervously and nodded, before moving to the side to let me in. I climbed inside and watched as she shut the door before settling on the seat in front of me. I looked around and realised the little details I hadn't noticed yesterday. The little things that made this place Skye's and nobody else's.

"I'd offer you a drink, but I don't have any," she joked to lighten the mood, and I couldn't help but crack a small smile.

I breathed out before meeting her eyes. "Skye, I'm really sorry about yesterday. I shouldn't have reacted like that. If I had known that this was your home, I–"

"You didn't know," she said, shaking her head with embarrassment. "I didn't want you to know. It's my fault."

I pursed my lips, watching as she looked away with pink cheeks. It hurt me to know that she was embarrassed when I didn't care about any of this, I just cared about her.

"I want you to know that I respect your decision to join the Rising Tide," I said gently, making her look up. "If it's what you want, you should go for it."

"It is," she said with certainty.

I chewed on the inside of my mouth before asking, "Is there no way you can finish high school though? Graduate with me?"

She shook her head. "I don't want to, Y/N."

"But that's the bare minimum," I pleaded. "Hacking isn't a lifestyle. You need to work, too, and I can promise you that most places won't look to hire a high school dropout."

She leaned back in her seat and shrugged nervously. "Miles isn't graduating either. And he's got some friends who haven't graduated. They're all doing fine."

I looked down and pinched the bridge of my nose to contain my frustration. I promised myself I wouldn't argue with her, but the mention of her other friends was like a trigger.

"What now?" she asked with annoyance, realising I was annoyed. "You clearly have something to say about them."

"It doesn't matter," I said, biting my tongue.

"Sure it doesn't," she played along.

"It doesn't," I agreed.

"Yeah, and the Hulk isn't bright green," she said sarcastically.

I looked up and glared at her. She stared back challengingly, practically daring me to speak. So, I did.

"Your new hacker friends are the reason you're making these choices," I told her straight. "They're the reason you're making a huge mistake. The reason you're dropping out. And for what? So you can hack like them?"

She rolled her eyes. "I know you look down on us, but we're more than that."

"Skye, I don't give a shit about them!" I shouted without meaning to. "I only care about you!"

"Then stop talking crap about my friends!" she returned angrily.

"Why do you care about them so much?!"

"They gave me a place to stay when I had nowhere! They made me feel like I belonged!"

I frowned, anger replacing with hurt. "I always offered you a place to stay. I only ever wanted you to be safe. You never needed to be different with me. You belonged. Always."

She swallowed hard and looked away from me ashamedly. "Well it doesn't matter anymore. I'm leaving."

I breathed out deeply. "School? Our town? Leaving what?"

"All of it," she said quietly. "I don't expect you to understand."

I looked down to my fumbling hands, a tear slipping from my eye. I had never felt so angry at someone before in my life. She was treating me like I was a stranger, as if I wasn't somebody who knew her inside out. She was treating me like she treated everyone else except her new friends. And I couldn't deal with it anymore.

"Fine," I said, before moving to open the door. I jumped out her van and didn't spare her a glance as I said, "Have fun with the rest of your life. Sorry I didn't care enough."

She didn't say anything and I didn't expect her to. With a broken heart and headache, I left and didn't bother turning back.

—

"What do you mean she's run away?"

"I'm sorry, Y/N," Mr Lock said apologetically. "Her foster family got the note this morning. They're doing what they can to find her. She always turns up, you know that."

I knew her family didn't care if she was gone or not, so I knew Skye definitely wouldn't be found. Unlike usual, Skye hadn't contacted me before leaving, so something told me she wouldn't be turning up.

Our argument was over a week ago and I hadn't seen her since. It had been eating away at me the way we'd left things, but I couldn't find it in myself to face her. I had no idea what to say anyway. And I wasn't sure when she was planning on leaving, so I didn't think it was important right now. Clearly, I was wrong.

"I just thought you should know," Mr Lock said with a nod. "The police will come by soon to get a statement from you."

As usual. Except this time, I actually had no idea where she was.

I nodded, my mouth going dry. "Thank you... can I go now?"

He nodded hesitantly. "Of course."

I left his office and headed straight outside behind the bleachers where nobody could hear or see me. The first thing I did was try to ring Skye, but there was no answer and no way to leave a voicemail. I tried several times, hoping she'd pick up, but she didn't. And that's when I remembered the burner phone.

Immediately pulling it out, I turned it on and saw the message from her appear on my screen. I was quick to open it, my heart racing like it did every time she ran away. I knew she wasn't coming back this time though.

Hey, Y/N. I know you probably hate me, but I felt like I owed you this. I said I was leaving and I have. I can't tell you where. And I'm not good at goodbyes. I've had too many of them and I couldn't bring myself to say it to you. I'm sorry I pushed you away. I never wanted to, but I guess some things are inevitable, huh? I've managed to do it all my life, this isn't any different. I'm just sorry if I hurt you in the process. Anyway, this is pretty long and I don't even know if you read it, but yeah. I'm sorry. I wish things could have been different.

The text ended there and I found myself rereading it to myself over and over, her words imprinted in my mind. I knew we'd argued and exchanged hurtful words, but I never in a million years thought she'd leave without saying goodbye. I thought I meant more to her than this. But no. I was just another foster family she ran away from. And I wasn't so sure I'd see her again.

[auroron]

Midnight, the Stars and You

I did it whaaaaaat?! This took me a while, specially since I've been on an artist block for weeks. And shit's been crazy I literally moved from South America to the US and my mom got married and suddenly I don't have to go to school online and I have 22 assignments I have due for next week but anyways I hope you enjoy this drabble I love you all

<3

Two weeks had passed since the war and things felt like they were somehow going back to normal. As if there was a normal, to begin with. Especially with the Weasley’s grief and Hermione’s parents being dispersed somewhere in a country she knew little about.

So she took it upon herself to find her parents, and she was ready to do it alone. She knew what she wanted, and she knew that even though it could take everything she had to find them, she was capable of doing so.

But it was hard. Especially because she knew she had to do it alone. She couldn't ask for Ron’s help, not when he had his mind somewhere else most of the time. Somewhere sad and dark, a place she had once known too well.

So she somehow understood. His and his family’s pain. Losing Fred had been a strike to everyone, especially George and Ron.

But even though things were complicated, she had still, maybe selfishly, enjoyed these two past weeks for the most part. All because of Ron.

They had talked for the first time since the end of the war the night after Fred’s funeral. She wasn't expecting anything, she had seen how he looked, how miserable he felt. And even having held his cold hands and whipping off his tears, she was expecting distance.

But he hadn't been distant at all. Boys used to confuse her so much, especially Ron. But now everything she knew when looking at him, was the truth. Who he was on the inside, beyond layers of repressed emotions she and probably most of the people had believed were the true Ron.

That night they kissed again. It was sweet and tender, and his lips had felt so soft, and his skin was shining from moonlight, and he had been perfect. Even thinking about it made her stomach fill with butterflies and her heart with some feelings she was yet to discover.

That night, she was so sure he was it for her. The moment she realized maybe he wasn't just a friend three years prior was the moment she knew she was done for. It was her perdition, and also her salvation. Because he had been, since forever, her forever.

That night, she knew she had to protect him. She knew he was at the edge of being truly broken, that his mind wasn't in the right place. His heart was though, he had made sure to tell her that.

“I like you, Hermione” he had broken the silence that filled the room since she had joined him, right after everyone "went to sleep" even if they knew no one was going to be capable of that.

“I really, really like you” he looked right into her eyes, seeking for some sort of approval that his feelings were returned.

She was so lost that no words escaped her lips. That made him step back, looking down like she knew he did when he wasn't sure of things.

“I’m sorry Hermione, didn’t mean to-”

He was stopped. She held his had, interwining them, connecting them, making him look at her the way she loved to be seen.

No words flung around. And no words were needed. She kissed him, softly but surely, then passionately until their breaths were taken away.

“I like you too” she lied.

She knew deep down she didn’t just like him. It was deeper, stronger. But she also knew deep down that right now, what she had said was enough.

She wasn’t sure of many things in life. Boys certainly weren't one of them. But she knew for certain that Ron needed calm. And she was going to leave him just because it was the right thing to do.

Shaking the thoughts out of her head, she immediately packed all the necessary things for her travel and was sure to go. Now at the Burrow's front door, she said goodbye to Arthur, whom she had trusted to tell about her search, and who had supported her and sworn to not tell a living soul.

But then something stopped her. Someone.

"What's this?" said a loid but sleepy voice that came from the stairs, and soon she saw a now awoken Ron in his Chudley Cannons orange shirt.

“What's what?” Hermione responded, her eyes avoiding his.

“You’re leaving? Without me?” he sounded a bit sad.

“Ron I have to find my parents, I need to know they are okay, that they aren’t, you know.”

“They aren't, Hermione.”

“But they could be! I don't want to lose them.”

“I know you don't, but you cannot go alone. They are still out there. Who knows what could happen.”

“I can manage myself” They were now very close, moonlighting filling the room, stars shinning behind them decorating the sky, just like his freckles did with him.

“Trust me, I know that. Very well indeed. But I don’t want you to do this alone. I mean, you don't have to do this alone.”

“I” she hesitated. “I can’t ask such a thing from you, I can’t expect you to leave your family. Not for me.”

“He wouldn't,” said Arthur, whom Hermione had forgotten was there, watching, but now from a safe distance.

They both turned around at the same time, and Arthur flinched for a second. “You don't have to worry about us. We'll be fine. Your mom will be fine. Besides, you are going to find your parents, we are certain of that." he breathed, now looking directly at Hermione. "He won't leave you alone if you don't let him go with you, I know this one pretty well, trust me.”

She turned around to see Ron blushing, cheeks and ears as red as they could get. He whispered something to his dad she couldn't quite understand.

Then he turned to her sweetly, puppy 'not at all convincing' eyes looking directly at her.

“Uh fine!”

Ron smiled, mostly to himself.

“You scared me, you know” he came closer to her the instant Arthur disappeared into the kitchen.

“And why’s that”

“Well, you wrote me a letter as if you weren't going to see me ever again. I mean I always thought you were eventually going to get tired of me, but this soon? Evil.”

“Oh shush it, will you?” She couldn't help a light giggle escape her, and seconds later they were both laughing, still shyly as if they were 11 years old again.

“You really must be crazy about me, are you? said Ron while they were going up the stairs, the hallway quiet as it had never been before this early in the night.

“What makes you think so highly of yourself, mister Weasley?”

“Well you just laughed at a half-joke that wasn't even that funny.”

They walked into the highest room in the Burrow, Hermione watching as Ron packed his most necessary things (basically his Cannons shirts, toothpaste, shampoo, and underwear), and left as soon as possible to get to their apparition point as quickly as possible.

When they got there, Hermione saw an opportunity and took his hand on hers, tight and firm. She swore she saw his ears turn scarlet red, just like hers.

She summoned all the courage there was left in her, and stood on her tiptoes, leaning in and whispering in his ear before apparating in what she considered a "seductive" tone. “You are right you know, I am indeed crazy about you.”

[beyoncesdragon]

title: catch up now? 

× pairing: Idol!Jungkook x Interviewer!Reader, old friends from highschool kinda stuff, abandoned but maybe rediscovered love on both sides. 

× summary: Three years are a long time. In three years, many things can and will change. But three years hadn’t been quite enough to change how two people feel about each other. 

× warnings: a little teeny bit angsty but it’s nothing, really. Mainly fluff, some flustered, overly eager Gguk and old memories coming up. 

× wordcount: 2k

× a/n: Not gonna lie, this might be one of my favourite pieces I've ever written. I really hope you enjoy this too! it’s somehow inspired by ‘Love Maze’ (BTS) and also ‘50 Proof’ (eaJ). Will probably not have a pt.2

main masterlist | bts masterlist

When he had read the name of the interview host - or hostess more like - Jungkook had already felt the familiar tingle in the pit of his stomach that he had thought had disappeared over the course of time. Yet, he wasn’t surprised that it was still there.

He had however not dared to hope that it could actually be you, there sure were other people called (Y/N) (Y/L/N), who has pursued their dream of becoming an interviewer, media person, whatnot. He didn’t even know if you had actually graduated uni and made it in the job, hence he hadn’t seen any of you in about four years of him debuting now. He had occasionally checked out your Instagram or Twitter, yet he shied away from following you on any social media platform. You weren’t really public about your work or personal life on both, you mainly retweeted stuff (he found out about your love for Bingsu and Makgeolli ice cream like that) and posted a few selfies or landscapes. He hoped that you had been able to pursue your dream of traveling around for a bit, in South Korea and outside of it. Though again, he didn’t know.

Jimin was seated right in front of him and Jungkook couldn’t help but nervously play with his hyungs honey blond dyed hair. Jimin chuckled surprised yet amused about his open display of nervousness and turned around slowly.

“Everything okay, Jungkook-ah? You seem more nervous than usually.” He remarked, making Namjoon look over to the maknae in wonder. “He does, right? I thought so too. Did something happen?” Jungkook only shook his head.

Not yet, he thought to himself.

The cameras around them started to blink all at once, the light has been set up correctly and the camera and sound team had settled down around them in the dark. Manager and publicists stood somewhere in the back, swallowed up by the dark. The only person that was missing still, was you. Or the person called (Y/N) (Y/L/N), Jungkook tried to tell himself.

Suddenly there was a soft laugh from somewhere off the scenes and his heart tripped over its own beat and finally, finally, you stepped into the light.

You looked pretty as ever, grown into your features entirely, like a lotus flower finally in full bloom. Jungkook had to swallow dry. The light coral red of your lip balm complimented your skin and the subtle almost invisible make up you wore, accentuated your already beautiful features even more. You hadn’t changed your hair much, but it was a bit longer and looked so soft in the bright light. His eyes almost subconsciously darted to your fingers, searching for evidence of a possible relationship. He was almost ashamed how quickly he ended up thinking about this, his own boldness making him even more flustered. (There was no formal looking ring on your ringfinger though, to his relief.)

There was a warm smile on your lips as you bowed deeply to them all, greeting them respectfully. The boys returned your greeting immediately and a bunch of annyeong haseyo-s sounded through the studio. Jungkook felt Namjoon look over at him again, a piercing gaze Jungkook knew he wouldn’t be able to withstand if he met it. So he just kept looking at everything but Namjoon...not that this was hard to do when you were right in front of him.

“Thank you so much for being here with us.” You said with a smile, looking at everyone with the same look of respect and polite distance. Like you were supposed to, at work, as a professional. Like you didn't know them personally. Everyone, including Jungkook.

He felt his heart drop to his stomach. Could it be that you...forgot about him? It couldn’t really be, right? How would you actually be able to, you really...in this moment your eyes crossed again and something flickered in your eyes, a facade crumbled for a few seconds only. It was an amused twinkle, like a cheeky wink and a minimal curl of your lips. 

Acknowledgement.

And Jungkook’s heart did multiple flips, breath caught in his throat and eyes widened.

You had started with the questions, keeping the conversation light and flowing. The vibe in the room was comfortable and built up on mutual respect - yet Jungkook felt as if he was sitting on red-hot needles. He wanted to talk to you, ask about how you had been, what you were doing (if you had a boyfriend) if you were happy, if you got a cat, how your mother’s little business was going (he’d anonymously purchased countless items, to support your family), if your favourite colour still was cyan blue and your still religiously bought Pajeon and Makgeolli on rainy days, if you ever spent a second of your day thinking of him (because he did).

Him, your somewhat ex-best friend from highschool, him, the one you spent hours talking to in the ungodly hours of the morning, him who you had lost your first kiss to (though lost wasn’t the right word: you gave it to him more like). Him who you had poked fun of when the first girl approached him in his Rookie days and he’d been flustered to no end.

Him, who had promised to you that he wouldn’t abandon your friendship and yet the two of you drifted apart anyways.

Not for the lack of trying on either side though. Jungkook’s schedule had just become even fuller, his nights shorter, training longer and fans more obsessive. And you had seen each other less often, greetings were shorter and late night talks turned into good night wishes over text quicker.

You on your part weren’t mad, a little disappointed maybe. Sad for sure, but not mad. After all, you had expected it to turn out like that. So had the rest of your little circle, Haneul, Hwang, Kyong and Myunghee. Whilst the five of you had supported Jungkook on his journey with all you’ve got, you all tried to overcome the obvious pain of him drifting off.

Some (mainly Hwan and Kyong) with working harder in school for example. You did that too, but sometimes you also partied a little harder, were awake at three AM a little more often, missed him a lot more. It hurt letting someone you love go.

Jungkook and you had always been a bit...closer. Why you didn’t know, how you couldn’t possibly explain. But you were and him rising into the heights and new dimensions of being an idol destroyed this almost completely. This strange world of fame, those walls of flashing cameras, the flow of expensive goods and seas of screaming people, that was his world. He was a star, figuratively and somewhat literally. He shone more radiant, higher, longer, prettier and too bright for an innocent, young love to coexist.

So you stayed behind, soon having lost his number due to him having to change it, his contact information soon had less to say than what you could find on the internet.

His new hair colour? Well, you could google it. Height? Current weight? Several fan sights knew the answer. Achievements? The internet again.

 It was strange, ridiculous to some extent. And it hurt. But you couldn’t blame him, so you never did.

⋄

When you had heard that you would be interviewing BTS last week you could help but feel scared. You hadn’t seen him face to face for three or so years, three years with no FaceTime, texting, three years of not seeing his bunny smile, smiled just for you.

And when you had seen him again, laid eyes on him for the first time in thirty-five months, you realised that nothing you ever felt for him had faded away. It was all the same again, your heart still jumped in your chest and your stomach still fluttered whenever he did as much as breathing. The only thing that had changed was his height and him having had the biggest glow up you had witnessed in your life, yours included – though this Jungkook would disagree vehemently. 

This Jungkook who got pulled out of his thoughts and memories almost violently, as you directed a first question at him only.

“I…” he started, gulping hardly, having forgotten the question already halfway.

“Sorry I can’t – how have you been?” you stopped shortly, stunned and a tad confused at first. You hadn’t expected him to be so bold. Or clumsy, for that matter. Yet you couldn’t help but giggle, and all the unsaid words and ignored truths between the two of you disappeared into smoke, taking all tension with them. Just like that.

“I’ve been fine, Gukie. Busy. Long-time no see, hm. How about you?” somewhere behind the cameras someone dropped a pen and there were multiple gasps being heard. The rest of the bangtan boys didn’t look any better; Jimin had his mouth open, Taehyung was looking back and forth between the two of you, Yoongi just froze, Jin and Hoseok had clasped their hands in front of their mouths and Namjoon just looked like someone poured a bucket of ice water over his head.

But Jungkook? Jungkook was smiling widely, his bunny smile, smiled just for you. 

“Busy too. Yes, very long time no see.” He replied sheepishly, a small laugh escaping his lips as he looked around the dead silent studio. “Why…how do you know each other?” Yoongi finally asked, eyes snapping back and forth between the two of you.

“Well I guess we have to tell them now. We know each other from back in Highschool. We were pretty close friends back then.” You explained softly, giving him a small smile. Jungkook nodded quickly. “My apologies. I didn’t wanted to completely ruin the interview but…I haven’t seen you in three or so years. Sorry.” You waved it off. “It’s okay, Jungkook. We will catch up later, alright?” Jungkook nodded, making the mistake of looking over to Namjoon, who looked like he finally understood everything. “Is that why you were so…never mind.” He ended in a mumble and Jungkook was glad he did.

⋄

The second the interview was officially finished and all the cameras shut off, Jungkook was on his feet and approaching you. He didn’t even care about formalities anymore as he just wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into a tight hug.

The first thing he noticed was that he couldn’t nestle his face in the crook of your neck as easy as he had been able to do in high-school. The second thing was that you had changed your perfume into something more flowery and fresh. The third thing he noticed was how much he liked having you in his arms again, especially because he could now rest his head on top of yours.

The first thing you noticed was how broad your Kookie had become. Broad and tall and firm everywhere. The second thing you noticed was how he smelled more expensive, faintly musky but still very much like Jungkook. A scent you could pick out from a thousand, unique and everything you loved. The third thing you noticed was how familiar and how looked after you felt in his arms, how protected from every harm. You had missed this feeling.

“Aigoo, Junkookie!” Jin yelled from behind, causing you to chuckle embarrassed and trying to break the hug. But Jungkook simply tightened his arms around you, having no intentions of letting you go any time soon.

“Just ignore them. They’ll leave, eventually.” His voice was muffled by the skin on your neck, since he had now buried his face there, taking deep breaths.

“And we?” you asked with a small laugh, not moving either. “We stay. We catch up. Got a lot of that to do.” Sounded good enough to you…just that you had expected them to make a bee-line for the exit after the cameras cut due to their busy schedule.

“Catch up now?” you asked after a few seconds of him still having his arms around you, unmoving. The young man shook his head.

“No…not right now.” He took a deep breath, hiding his face in the crook of your neck, mumbling against your skin and the fabric of your blouse. 

“In five minutes. Let me just hold you for a little while, you…you have no idea how much I missed you.” 

If he only knew.

— ✩ thank u for reading ✩ —

[astersofthesky]

Reasons why I ship LawLight

It's been a year since I last watched Death Note and up to this day, it still remains on my TOP 5 FAVORITE ANIME (alongside Attack on Titan, Daiya no Ace, Gintama, and the Inazuma Eleven franchise).

Be as it is, the ship between L and Light holds a special place here in my heart. And today I want to talk about the reason why I am head over heels for this painstakingly beautiful ship.

For a quick heads-up. "LawLight" is a non-canon ship pair from Death Note. The two person involved are Yagami Light also known as "Kira" and the Great Detective L otherwise known as Ryuuzaki. I believe that their trope belongs to the enemies to lovers. They are also the most famous ship for the said fandom.

I admit that I am a certified fujoshi. So when scenes like walking together under falling sakura leaves, going to a cafe for their date to confirm their suspicions about each other's identity, and was even CHAINED 24/7 were shown, I can't help but ship them despite the fact that they are LITERALLY TRYING TO KILL AND CATCH EACH OTHER.

Actually for me, what makes this ship so appealing is their cat and mouse chase. A criminal and a detective. The spark and sexual tension apparent in their battle of wits. Who shall fall first? Who shall emerge victorious? And I firmly think that this dynamic between them is also one of the biggest factors why this anime/manga became such a success.

In the eyes of a shipper, some of their interactions are seen as a potential fuel to lit a burning flame called romance. Another thing, they also complement each other.

Why? Well, let's look at Yagami Light first.

Light used the notebook to alleviate his boring mundane life. Because of his high IQ, normal things don't ellicit excitement for him. Also, always hearing about everyday crimes, his strong sense of justice tells him to rid the world of this disgusting humans who continue to cause chaos for the world. So, immediately grabbing the death note as an opportunity to make his ideals a reality, KIRA IS BORN.

Of course, no matter how good the intention is. Taking lives is still a murder. And the fact that Light wanted to take advantage of the situation to become GOD OF THE NEW WORLD, it's true essence is slowly turning into selfishness. Just like any ordinary case, the police have taken interest, no, it's more accurate to say that they were FORCED to take interest. With no more cards to play, the worldwide police decided to ask help from their trump card. Yes, the world's greatest detective L.

Hiding in a single gothic letter and synthetic voice, Light had found his other half. The yin to his yang. Why you ask?

It's simple. L is the only person who can match his intelligence. Who can see through his barrage of lies and alibis. He was the only one who doubted him, the only one who almost sent him to his doom.

He was the ultimate obstacle Light needed to overcome. Because of this thrill, of this danger, Light found true challenge. Other than the joy of killing criminals for his dream, battling with L brought an unexpected bliss deep within his soul. Because of L, his once dull world had been painted with complicated colors. L is the only one who can understand Light.

He is his enemy.

He is his Equal.

He is his captor.

The same goes for L.

Being the number 1 detective in the world, I bet that cases has become repetitive for him. With his astounding deduction skills, he could immediately solve a case while eating his favorite sweets. Thus the appearance of Kira is a mystery for him.

A highly difficult game for him to solve and win. As he said himself, he is childish and he hates to lose. So in order to win, he's given away his identity. He steps out of his shadows and approached Kira himself. Maybe it's a call for responsibility, a call for justice, or a call for his pride, whatever his reason is, he's willing to risk his life.

When he made contact with Light, he had realized that Light is the only other person who can see through him. His trials, his tests. Light never fails to amaze and surprise L. He had even considered him his successor, even though he only used it to test Light, with the latter quickly grasping the subtle accusation.

He is his enemy.

He is his captee.

He is Equal.

No one knows if their relationship had gone beyond detective and a criminal. If they ever had a genuine conversation. One without lies and hidden intention.

A talk as L and Light.

Looking at a watcher's perspective. A single particular scene showed a glimpse of their relationship. The rooftop and foot massage scene who fueled a lot of LawLight shippers.

"The bells are unusually loud today." - L

At the rooftop, L had asked Light if he had ever uttered a truth once in his life. With Light regaining his memories, L knows that this attempt is futile, yet he still tries. And maybe, even held a little hope that Light would surrender himself.

Light on the other hand, as expected caught the meaning of his question, within that short silence, he contemplated his answer even if it's just for mere seconds. But because Light had already steeled his resolve, he chose to lie.

He had already made a choice.

And that is to kill L.

And L himself knows it.

At the stairs, an intimate scene between them is shared. Both are drenched in the rain, then L suddenly offered a foot massage to Light. For non-shippers, they say that it's a Bible reference.

But for people like me, it's simply nothing but a bittersweet moment where for once, emotions are stirred and shared.

The atmosphere, their longing stares.

Light drying L's hair.

The exchange of words.

It truly is a very painful and touching picture.

"It will be lonely isn't it? You and I will be parting ways soon".

L is known for not showing his true emotions. Yet in here, he bares everything. From the way he looks at Light and that slight curve on his mouth, like he's very regretful of something. Maybe it's because he wasn't able to personally give him the verdict or it can also be what ifs and what would they have become if they didn't meet in this kind of circumstances.

On Light, he looked shock and somewhat sad. They say it was an act, but the knowledge of his arch-nemesis soon dying, the one who has been with him since this "chase" started, the one being who gave him thrill and pushed him to his limits, the one who for months, was chained with him 24/7, the only one who could stand as his equal, the one who made him feel, losing that person will surely give you mixed emotions, and I believe that the sadness there is genuine, even though it had been overshadowed by his delight for victory.

It was only a for a short moment but for once, they've dropped all facades as they face each other as L and Light, not Ryuuzaki and Kira.

After L's death, Light is shown to have lose some of his sanity. I've read in a site before telling that L was the one who's holding his ground. And with him gone, with the thrill of danger gone, Light suddenly found himself at loss. He spent months trying to rid of his enemy. His disappearance had caused a void in his heart.

I remember a certain scene where Light imagined L sitting at his usual chair. His eyes were dead and devoid of color. That's where he also started to lower his guard down. For him, L is his only formidable opponent, his other half. He is his equal. It proves with the appearance of Near, where Light says that he's far inferior to L. That he doesn't deserve to wear his mask.

Light had come to respect L.

In Light's final moments, he sees L. A hallucination some says. But they're missing a point here.

The fact that L showed up, either his soul or an imagination, means that he had become an important figure to Light. Maybe he was thinking what L said during the times that they are wearing the chains.

"As long as we are wearing this chains. You and I are bound to share the same fate. If you die, I die." - L Lawliet

Yes, the chains are gone, physically. But because Light had allowed L to become an important piece of his life, he had secured the chain for L to held him captive for as long as he's alive...and if you let your imagination wild, even after death.

This are the reasons why I fell in love with this ship.

They're both broken.

One is blinded by power.

One had secluded himself from the outside world.

Their chase will never be forgotten. A game that only the two of them understood knowing from the beginning that they will never achieve a happy ending. This painful and bittersweet ship will go down in history.

[turinn]

Naive

Ray Blackwell x M!Reader

Summary: An invitation at a party reveals that Luka had no idea you’re gay, and brings up a concern you hadn’t had before. Tags: Crack, fluff, secret relationship, mention of homophobia, alcohol consumption A/N: This is based on a dream I had where Luka and I had this exact conversation and when I woke up and remembered it I nearly threw up laughing. I did actual research for the girls outfit and hair bc im a fashion history nerd. the pocket watch i just thought was cute. Fenrir calls the reader fruity but its okay bc hes gay too god bless Word Count: 1.5k

The party was the usual affair expected of the Godspeed's, an air of elegance- present but not too overbearing- hanging over the large hall. Music drifted gently to your ears as you took everything in, a small smile settling on your face.

You couldn't help but feel a little underdressed. The officers had, of course, kept their uniforms on, but everyone else present was dressed to the nines. You'd thought the suit you wore was lovely when you and Seth had seen it last week, dark blue with a white trim, paired with a pale cyan tie and pocket square. The gold watch that settled comfortably in your pocket had been a gift from Blanc, supposedly made by Oliver to look similar to his own, to commemorate your decision to stay in Cradle. Compared to everyone else, it felt rather simple now, but you pushed the thought aside. Nobody was judging what you were wearing, they were here to enjoy themselves same as you.

"Would you like a drink?" Ray asked, voice soft enough not to startle you too much. This wasn't too effective, as you'd gotten lost in your thoughts, and sort of forgotten there were people around you, but it was kind of him to try. "Oh, yes, please." You smiled at him and a moment later he'd walked off, talking to Sirius about something, leaving you alone with Luka. Fenrir had disappeared to greet his family when you'd first arrived, and Seth was who knows where, but you didn't mind it being just the two of you. Luka rarely came to these, in fact this was the first he'd been to since you'd arrived in Cradle, despite it being your fifth, and you decided someone should stick with him so he didn't feel quite as nervous.

As you turned to say something to him, you noticed a lady making her way over to the both of you, looking rather flustered. Her fists were clenched at her sides, and she seemed to be muttering something to herself, but it was clear she had intent to speak to one of you. Perhaps she wanted to talk to Luka? He was cute, it wouldn't surprise you. What did surprise you, however, was when she walked up to you instead.

"Um, excuse me if this is far too forward, but... would you be interested in dancing with me?" She sounded so nervous, and you almost wanted to say yes. Any other man would have been lucky to get such an invitation- she looked stunning. She wore her hair in curls, gathered at the back of her neck, with a hairpiece of pale blue flowers was pinned at the front, a necklace donning the same type of flower hanging just above the neckline of her gown. The gown in question matched the colour of the flowers well, though the width of the crinoline supported skirt would have made you concerned about the logistics of dancing with her- if you'd had any intention of saying yes. Her cheeks were tinted pink as she chewed her bottom lip and waited for your answer, avoiding your gaze. A hand on your chest and a sincerely apologetic look on your face, you began to respond. "Oh dear. I'm terribly sorry, but you seem to have gotten the wrong end of the stick. You're a very attractive young lady but I'm afraid... how should I put this," You glanced at Luka for help, but he seemed to have no idea what you were trying to tell her, "I'm afraid I don't tend to set my eye on the ladies, so to speak." "You're... gay?" A sympathetic nod. "That's the ticket. Sorry, love." "Oh, it's not a problem! I'm really sorry to have bothered you!" She suddenly looked much less nervous, though a little embarrassed, and scurried off. You sighed. "I feel a little bad. I really hope she finds someone to dance with." Luka looked at you quizzically. "Why did you lie to her?" A confused laugh escaped you. "I'm sorry?" "You told her you were into guys. Why lie?" As he said this, Seth and Fenrir came up behind him, and hearing his question their eyebrows shot up. So did yours. Was he kidding? "Luka, sweetie, you have got to tell me what part of my personality made you think I was heterosexual, so I can set about changing it immediately." Seth choked on his drink, and though you flashed him a grin, you weren't entirely kidding. Going from Victorian London to a world where being gay was perfectly acceptable had been quite the change, but you'd been certain all of your friends had known. It's not like you were quiet about it, and sure, Luka was naive but... come on, now. "Wait are you... you were being honest?" "Yes?" "Luka," Fenrir began, stepping next to you and resting an elbow on your shoulder, "How have you seriously not noticed that he's gay yet?" "Well- there was no reason for me to assume!" "You watched me drunk make out with at least 2 different Black Army soldiers in my first month here!" Luka looked flustered, and utterly dumbfounded. The expression was one he wore often, usually when people insinuated that someone was in love- but somehow about five times more confused. He was unfortunate enough that Ray and Sirius returned at this moment, just in time to hear both your last remark, and his next one.

"I thought that was just something you did when you were drunk?" In another moment you were on your knees, legs shaking so much from laughter that you couldn't hold yourself up any longer. Fenrir was right there beside you, practically convulsing. Everyone else was laughing too- except poor Luka. You felt a little bad, truly you did, but this had to be the funniest thing you had ever heard. "He's completely straight, but watch out! Get a couple drinks in him and he turns fruity!" Fenrir managed to get out between cackles, and Ray was glad to have put your drinks down when Luka had last spoken, because he too nearly fell to the ground at this.

"Luka- Luka I'm sorry." You pulled yourself to your feet, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "We aren't laughing at you." Another fit of giggles overcame you. "Okay we kind of are, but it's not malicious or anything. That was just... hands down the funniest thing you've ever said." It took most of you 5 or so minutes to fully calm down from what he'd said, and anything that jogged your memories of it would bring you back to a state of uncontrollable laughter for the rest of the night. Luka came round to it being pretty funny after you talked him through the dozens of times you'd mentioned your sexuality to him since you'd met- every one of which had gone over his head.

Hours after the party had worn down and you'd all made your way home, you lay in bed, your head pressed against a familiar chest, and sighed. "What's up?" "I just... D'you think anyone else just hasn't realised?" Ray cocked his head, confused. "I'm gonna need a little more info than that, kitten." "I suppose I just... Back in London, it's not even legal to be gay, and I don't know if it ever will be. When I first came out to Fen, he told me that it was fine here, accepted and even celebrated. So, I guess I just thought that people wouldn't make the automatic assumption that I'm straight, y'know? I mean I talk about it a lot among you guys but- when I’m out and about... where do people think my final destination is? When I pick up a silly cat themed gift for you does the shopkeep think I’m buying it for my wife? It shouldn't be a big deal, I guess, but I'd never been able to be myself until I came here, and now it's like I can be me but... people will still only see who I am if I tell them. It's just weird is all. I dunno. Maybe I'm drunk." "You're not drunk. It's an understandable concern. I guess I've never thought about it, because whether or not people would accept that part of me has never been an issue, but the fact that you've had to hide it for so long and now that you're able to be open people still aren't seeing it must be hard. If you want we could... come out, so to speak?" Your eyebrows raised, and you moved back, propping yourself up on your arm so you could look your partner in the eyes.

It had been decided at the very start of your relationship, which had officially begun a few months after you'd made the choice to stay in Cradle, that the two of you would keep it under wraps for a while. Being from the Land of Reason was more than enough reason for people to take an unwanted interest in you, and you didn't need the extra attention being the King of Spades' partner would garner. Plus, anyone with a grudge against Ray would see you as a target the second you announced it. It had been a sensible suggestion on his part, one you hadn't hesitated to agree to, and as far as you knew only Sirius and Fenrir knew about your relationship. Fenrir because he had walked in on you sitting in Ray's lap while he worked late one night, and Sirius because- well, can anything get past that guy? And now, Ray was offering to tell the entirety of Cradle you were his, just so that you didn't feel like you were hiding your identity anymore? You could feel your eyes starting to burn, and you cursed the late hour and the alcohol in your system for making you cry so easily, but... "I don't think we need to be that drastic. You were right when you said it would keep me safe for us to not be in the public eye, at least for now. I'm sure Seth can come up with some better way for me to tell the whole world I'm gay." "I don't doubt that at all." Ray grinned, placing a gentle kiss on first your forehead, then your nose, and finally on your lips. "Tomorrow, though. You need your beauty sleep." "Ah, yeah, can't risk getting ugly. My boyfriend might not want me anymore." You quipped. "Exactly." He smirked at you, turning out the light and pulling you into his arms.

[yn-dere]

La sorcière • Y!K.TH

Synopsis: The goddess Ashtoreth seemed to have found her worshipper.

Ship/s: Photographer!Taehyung x Antagonist/seductress!Reader

Warning/s: Angst, Yandere/Dark themes, Manipulation, Mentions of killing, Bored and mean reader.

(Note: this takes place in the late 19th century)

'It is not the quality of the desired object that gives us pleasure, but rather the energy of our appetites'

~ Charles Baudelaire, The end of Don Juan

A dejected summer, that's what it was. The suffocating air that leaves you sweltering in your corset but I am anything but, naked on my cold feet with a cigar between those gentil fingers, sluggishly looking out from my apartment window into the florid affluent streets which were once quite and reserved. The sounds of playful squabbling, the occasional delightful squeals of children, the ecstatic laughter of women did nothing to soothe that covetous feeling throbbing at the pit of my stomach. Nor did the family of stars splattered all across the dark night sky with the dazzling moon nowhere to be seen. They seemed to be mocking me with every sparkle, impersonating my woe by disappearing this second only to come back and laugh at my face. Oh well. It hurts my chest as I exhale out the smog; I forgot that I even took a drag. Not even smoke can replace that void in my lungs now.

This moment is slightly pleasant though, accompanied by the crisp breeze that blows in through the drapes, strong enough to make my locks flutter and trigger my cigar to litter on the window railing (that I'm not bothering to clean anytime soon) but not enough to take the glum away with it. The only thing that found me pleasant enough to return. And... the troubled men that found home in my cosy and welcoming bed. Neither of them were guaranteed.

Thinking about men, I glance back into the dark room to spot the man I chose for the night. Blissfully sound asleep between my covers, with a small but radiant smile adorning his regal face. He really emulated the beautiful night sky, the baby constellation spreading across his portrait in the form of les grains de beauté. The way the light reflected off of his unblemished face puts la lune to shame, almost looking as if it is it's own light source. His beauty truly was bewitching and I would've felt envious of it if I didn't know any better.

If I didn't own an enormous dressing mirror in the corner which kept reflecting the street lights back onto my eyes; it was adorned with pink crystals, fresh roses and myrtles, white feathers and burnt out incense that left behind a soft but strong scent. It truly looked like an altar for venus herself, towering over me to have me take a look at the highly sexual, supremely confident, alluring female that offers endless pleasure and a bit of... danger. At least, that's what people men see. And I agree with it. I know the expression does sound like something that would come out of Narcissus' mouth as he stares into his reflection but can you really blame me?

It's the huge impact left on me by years and years of society misjudging me as just another pretty face in the crowd. No matter how hard I worked on something, it would always be de-emphasized. All the blood, sweat and tears only to be wasted because individuals couldn't see the nimble brain past the pleasant portrait. I wanted to stand out, and I did at times but.. not in the way I wanted to. But soon enough, I began to convince myself that maybe this isn't so bad at all, and wearily...

... I accepted it.

I accepted my place in the stupid community as one of those women, a blood sucking succubus is just how they saw me to be exact. Mind you, I've never stood sturdy in any of my subjects until I slowly started to abuse my power and it made me feel competent and sure enough I felt powerful enough to destroy families, to get someone to chase me so feverishly that they lose control but I guess I was never that valuable to keep nor was I important enough for someone to actually care about me. The only difference between your pompous narrator here and a poor mistress is that I don't have a fickle of hope nor do I really care enough about a particular visitor to be left heartbroken.

It still kills me to feel impotent at the end of the day (or the start of the day, when they leave me with nothing). I feel like THE FOOL, a frail dog chasing a car....

....But as the lonely sun finally decides to set to rest and the family of stars gets more discernable with every shimmer against the dark and misty horizon; I, once again find myself repeating history as if my life's a record on the phonograph. But as one get sick of listening to the same song over and over again, there's a momentary pause... and then an appalling revelation; it's seems as though you've been singing the most important part of the song, the chorus, wrong.

And suddenly I can grasp it all..

.

.

.

You see, lust is what makes one take a glance at you. Temptation is what makes them throw caution in the air, when they know they shouldn't. But is it really enough to keep the attention on you? Is the beauty really enough for the sirens who beckon sailors to their destruction? If that was the case, wouldn't mermaids be able to do the same? Love is-

"...h-hey?"

That deep voice...

Then suddenly, lean icy fingers grabbed my arm and pulled me back into reality just when I started inching through the darkness in my mind.

Oh God. How did I not see him wake up? Especially with the mess he made in an effort to get up from the bed? One of the pillows accompanied with the sheets are on the floor... those velvet covers are really hard to wash. I will never forgive him for that.

But my irritation soon turned into embarrassment when I pondered over how crazy I must have looked, naked while just staring into my mirror with a cigar in hand. Or what was left of it, the soft ash on my fingers, my bare breasts and one of my thighs.

"Is everything a-alright?" He questioned. I looked down to his palm which was still holding my arm with a firm grip. He followed my gaze, his eyes widening slighting as he quickly let it go. "I m-mean, you were kind of dazed off or something. I thought..." he muttered after clearing his throat in a futile attempt at ceasing the stuttering. "Yeah.. I was just thinking about something" I replied as I looked up at his eyes and his orbs that were just suffering with nervousness and uncertainty were now swimming in curiosity. I couldn't help but let a giggle get past my lips. He hummed in response as his brows furrowed. "about.. this." I uttered, feigning a bashful look. His brows furrowed even further, creating small lines on his otherwise smooth forehead. "What do you mean by "this" ?" He seems to have forgotten his tense stance and the risqué side of me wanted to bring it back so I tried. "Our liaison, everything we did and...." if it weren't for the pin drop silence in the room, I would've never heard his breath hitching as he waited for me to continue. "Us." I finished with a whisper...

... After what seemed like an eternity of waiting for him to answer, my patience wore thin so I couldn't help but gently poke his chest. It surely did broke the trance he was in and the cute timid man was back. "Uh- I- uhm" he stuttered, looking at everything but my presence. I slowly started to feel the disappointment building up in the bottom of my stomach. Why do I when I didn't even expected anything else? If this is the only way it can go for me, why not have a little fun? I couldn't help but let out a smirk which I covered in a second, hoping he didn't see it. "I might be quite racy at times but I don't just do this with anyone. I thought I told you in the tavern that if you are to leave, leave already..." as soon as I finished bluffing the sadness in my voice, I casted my eyes downwards at his feet as I anticipated the same white lies but they never came. I awaited the "I will never leave you", "you're the best thing that ever happened" or my personal favorite one " I have a wife and kids that I love very dearly" but he didn't say anything. And just as I was about to look up, the smooth dark honey voice cut me off.

"And I thought I told you that I didn't want to follow you back home for whatever fleshly pleasures you had to offer.." the hint of disappointment was evident. This was a new one to add in the book, eh? "But because my precious cameras are all in vain without your figure and your lively soul.. like an empty canvas to an artist with no references or muse." My ears couldn't help but perk up as he continued, " Sure, they might not be too good at capturing the enigma that is you as the films only render in shades of grey which evidently fails to recognize the different shades of your blush and the undertones, but this is all that I have..."

It's his time to wait as I, for the first time, didn't know what to say. He opened his lips once again "I would be lying if I said I didn't gravely fell in love the second I took my first glance at you months ago. Love at first sight was never my thing but you cleared all my doubts about the idea". I wanted to mock him and tell him about how lust in first sight is a thing, not love but I rather chose to humor him. "That's what they all said..." I slowly look up at his face, looking at each and every feature carefully leaving out his mors than intense eyes. "Who are "they"?" He asked with a slight fury in his voice and the sharp edge of the words spoken almost gashed my already tainted soul. I wish I didn't faked the courage and take a glance into his orbs since I saw the immense anger and hatred through his narrowed eyes as he scrutinized my very existence. I withered uncomfortably under his glare, already regretting opening my mouth without thinking.

"You seriously didn't just compare me to those men, did you? After everything I've done? After I got rid of those hideous women that had nothing else to do but spread nasty rumours about you because the same husbands that couldn't get it up for them were lusting after you? Because they couldn't hold their husbands accountable so they were threatened by you?" He took a sharp but shaky breath before continuing, "Or after I got rid of those men who bonded over their heinous fantasies about violating you?..." I cover my mouth, I feel like throwing up. Not because I don't want to/can't believe it but because this is alot of information to take in in a few minutes. I heard him sigh and his voice suddenly changed from being gruff to soft in a second as he saw my terrified look, "you see these hands, sweetheart?" He said in a slightly coaxing voice as he laid his large hand on top of mine, "They were only used to clicking pictures of everything beautiful and developing them but now, they're stained with shed blood of anyone who dared to lay a finger on you.... You made me this way. You made me so empathetically challenged. You did this."

Me? Me...

I did this. I made him this way.

"How could you have been so blind?"

How could I have been so blind?

Maybe I didn't give myself enough credit.

And as he continued to stare into my frame with such adoration that it reminded me of what I was thinking about before he startled me by waking up...

As I was saying previously, lust is what makes one take a glance at you. Temptation is what makes them throw caution in the air, when they know they shouldn't but it's still not enough to keep the attention on you. Love is. It is the greatest weapon of all. It's the most exceptional power that you can have over someone. Making them do what they never thought they ever would do, act in ways they might've mocked previous to meeting you, taking up any space in their mind that was left for rationality and instead plaguing it with sweet obsession. Not even fear dares to compete with love when it comes to power. If anything, they go hand in hand. It truly turns a mermaid to a siren.

Wow. It's not the family of stars that I envied, who would want to look like some aliens just jizzed all over the sky? I was made to be la lune, who with all her blemishes littering her skin still stood unfazed as her admirers wrote poems about her beauty. It's not the homely women that I envied, I have always been quite sophisticated but I just wanted to belong somewhere.

I wanted power over someone or something.

And the thought of me making this man do the most vile acts of crime that humanity cannot even begin to visualize in their brains flared up the familiar feeling of ascendency and competency but this time? It was about to stay. Why? Because he is to stay.

I softly smiled at that thought and slowly held my small hands up to his face to caress his cheeks. The shyness got to him as he squeezed his eyes shut to relish in the contact without having to look at my amused face. I could feel him slowly shaking under finger tips, his face was warm unlike the rest of his body. The effect that my small gesture had on him is unlike anything I've ever seen or experienced. This isn't vulgar, this is sensual. And sure, what I feel might not be love but it has one thing in common with it. It's a drug. A high we're both on, and not even my cigar, my only companion for so long can compete with it.

Let's see how long this lasts before I drain all life out of him... or maybe, this is forever but I doubt. Then again, he- wait a minute... what's his name, again? This is going to suck. As I was saying, he does like to surprise me so let's hope for the best.

"Okay, let's just forget we met like this... hello, my name's y/n", I reached out for his hand to shake with a small smile on my face. He erupted into giggles as he took my hand, "Nice to meet you y/n, this is taehyung." Taehyung. Oh taehyung. And suddenly the cheerful atmosphere turned into something sinister as I pulled him in.

"Taehyung, I am like a raging flame.. don't be a moth and get too close or I might destroy you" I whispered in my raspy voice, the smirk that played in my rouge lips being incredibly devilish along with that red unnatural glint in my eye.

"I want to be destroyed."

[watchinglikeafangirl]

Lovely Writer Episode 7 - analysis

This week's episode was - comparing to the others - rather calm and just about Nubsib and Gene. All the other side characters had no screen time at all and I was missing them a bit but at the same time I somehow wasn't... The flashbacks could've been a bit shorter though.

Nubsib

At least, we finally understood him and he wasn't faking anything. Six whole episodes of waiting until he will be real was long enough.

So, apparently Nubsib was hit, abused and unloved as a child. Well, it explains at least why he's so drawn to Gene who was the opposite of all these three things. He protected him from the stick, he believed him when he told him about the piano teacher and played with him out of his own will, not because he was forced to. As a child, it must've meant a lot to Nubsib. It wasn't romantic love back then, not even the closest, but for Nubsib their friendship was precious and very important. He had someone who cared.

Nubsib asked me to use your aunt's surname because his father doesn't support him.

These years alone must've been very lonely and since Nubsib's family wasn't very nice to him and his dad didn't like the path he chose for living, he had to escape his own family alone. He had to face all of this alone without Gene by his side. But it was all worth it because he would see Gene again. Isn't this romantic?

It would be romantic if Nubsib wouldn't be so selfish and manipulative. He held on to this memory that was becoming a fantasy and did everything to make it turn into reality no matter what, and that's pretty selfish.

But you can tell Nubsib only behaved the way he did these past episodes to earn Gene's trust and love again. He is so desperate to be liked by him, he even pretended to be someone else. Gene means so much to him, he is ready to lie, pretend and manipulate. But behaving like he did as a child (at least a bit) means a lot of energy for him, I guess, because he outlived some stuff and changed a lot since then. It must've been hard to pretend all the time...

Gene

In the flashbacks we saw Gene being as antisocial as he his right now. He lives so much in his head, he doesn't understand when people tell him to let others into his world because it doesn't make sense for him. It's the same we saw last episode when he was storming out because of his rage. I believe he regretted it as soon as he closed the door but blinded by his anger he just wanted to get away because he was disappointed and hurt. He shut the door to the outside and Nubsib couldn't get through to him even if he tried which got pretty clear when he wanted to touch Gene's face but Gene turned away last minute. He shut the world out and it's something he always did and will always do. Nubsib just has to find a way to stop him and in some way save him from getting lost in thoughts. We saw that before and now in the flashbacks.

Everyone can tell the parallels between the scene when he was drunk in the car and the one in the flashbacks when he was playing with the plushies. When he plays with toys, the story happens in his own head and he doesn't let people in to see the things he does. When he's in the car, he does exactly the same and Nubsib recognizes this strong character trait of him, that's why this scene was so quiet and sweet because Nubsib found his Gene again. He saw something from the younger version of Gene in his very adult self.

They make up

Gene is still mad and pushes Nubsib away but nevertheless, he's listening when Nubsib doesn't go anywhere. Because Nubib has his mission now and won't let it fail. We saw in the flashbacks, he waited until late in the evening being sad about Gene not showing up. He knows now, Gene would rather be sad and regret it all his life than looking for him to explain why he acted the way he did. And as a child, Nubsib didn't get it but now he does and he knows he has to reach out first and if not through phone calls, then he needs to show up in person.

Like I said, Gene lives in his head and somehow wouldn't ever get the idea of being the first one to reach out and apologize because he's so damn antisocial.

Don't pretend to be a good kid. Just say whatever's on your mind.

What I liked a lot in this scene was when Gene says Nubsib should be real if he wants Gene to like him. I don't think it's just because he scond-guessed all their conversations but because he always had an odd feeling about Nubsib not being completely real and honest. Nubsib was always weird and Gene felt that too. But of course, he's mainly calling Nubsib out because of all the drama before.

And also, it is not right to start a relationship based on lies. You are not that low and Gene stands up for himself. He doesn't accept it, now that he knows about it and he makes sure Nubsib will remember, lying and manipulating is not romantic or something that will be forgotten quickly. Nubsib has to work a bit to earn Gene's trust again. Gene's speaking up and I love it.

privacy

After the weird dog metaphor that was somehow romantic, the ending of this episode was very calm and pure.

And like in episode 4, I had the feeling of watching something I was not supposed to watch. It felt very private what they were doing - or I should just say what Nubsib was doing.

Do you know? Since you left, I've been very lonely. Now that we can be together again, don't disappear again.

The way Nubsib tucked Gene in and touched his face softly was so caring, calm and pure, my fangirly heart was dying. But apart from it, it was nice to see them being a couple - or like a couple because they haven't made that clear yet.

Also, the lighting in this scene is important too. When Gene was alone and uninspired because his thoughts were spinning around his fallout with Nubsib, the sky was cloudy and it didn't look very warm nor bright outside but now, they sort things out and the bed room is flooded with bright sunshine. Everythig is positive and happy now and sunlight also represents peace.

flashbacks

Even though the part with the flashbacks was pretty long, it was not like nothing was explained through them but I agree there were some parts that were boring.

I saw some people saying the flashbacks felt weird and I totally agree and I don't know if I see this whole show as it's supposed to be seen but I always see it as some sort of parody. I believe the drama last week which was out of character and out of the blue was in fact something the writers made fun about because such sensless drama always happens in BLs and suddenly the drama becomes big and one of them even storms out to escape the scenery. It was so over-the-top dramatc, I believe that was the point. This is just a cliché. Just like the quick make up. I don't know how much time has passed but I believe it was a day or something and Nubsib shows up and things are suddenly okay. People were saying their kiss was too early and I feel like this too but again, if they are resolving the stupid drama then at least with a kiss, right? Because it's the absolute cliché.

The "childhood friends" trope is nothing I am against but I find it weird to romaticize such a friendship when they are like 6 or something. Here, Nubsib was even younger, so it makes no sense for their friendship to be romaticized because as a 4-year-old (or something), you don't feeel such things. You can't, or at least you don't understand it at all. And I guess, the writers also wanted to make fun of this trope being so romanticized when they were too young to understand the feeling and act on it. The flashbacks felt even weirder when the cheek kiss was cut and when they went to sleep in a close hug.

I think the director does a good job for portaying weirdness as awkward and private matters as uncomfortable for the audience as it is.

preview

It seems like we'll see the side characters again but Aey won't be nice at all.

Aey is such a troubled person who should protect his heart more because if you wear it on your sleeve all the time, people will be quicker in breaking it. And it's not like he didn't know Nubsib doesn't like him that way. I don't know what to think of him.

And the fanservice will become an even bigger problem. I wonder if Gene can handle it even though Nubsib is now clearly his but I guess, Gene will assume stuff again. Trouble is gonna be big guys.

But to comfort you - Gene being a mood:

[msmarvelwrites]

The Winter Ghost - Part 7

Info: A Devastating car crash causes you to lose your memory and start over. The only thing left in the wreckage was the horrific nightmares which plagued your mind. If you knew what today would entail you would have just stayed in bed. But you didn’t and because of that, everything you knew was about to change.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Warnings: swearing, angst (i think thats it)

W/c: 2k ish

A/n: I’m really sorry... But thank you to @cutie1365​ for all her help! Girls a rock start honestly. Go give A Kid From Queens a read. Seriously, you wont regret it! 

The early morning sun streamed through the windows, burning at the corner of your eyes. A groan escaped your throat as you shifted out of its glaring view. Your head ached with the memory of another nightmare. 

        You picked up your phone on the nightstand and typed in your password. Absentmindedly you scrolled through your messages with Bucky. 

You: Hey.                                                                              4:15  pm   (read)

You: Wanna watch a movie later?                                      8:25 pm   (read)

You: Hey, u still up?                                                           12:45 am   (read) 

The next week was a complete blur. You would have loved to relive the blissful moment you had shared with Bucky, but the night after, he disappeared. You knew he hadn’t left on a mission as the rest of the team would recall seeing him around. You felt foolish looking for a man who so obviously didn't want to see you. Or maybe he was just busy, you would try to reassure yourself. But as the days drawled on, you found it hard to keep convincing yourself of that. Maybe you had come on too strong? Maybe he didn't feel the same way and you completely read the situation wrong? I mean, you practically threw yourself at him, right? God, you felt stupid. And what was worse, the nightmares only got worse in Bucky’s absence. Almost every night he would lay by your side, petting your hair and reassuring you. You didn't really realize the effect he had on you until it stopped.

          A few nights later, Steve, T’Challa and Bucky were to leave on a mission to interrogate Zemo. Steve explained he was apprehended about a year ago and was held up in a maximum security prison. You didn't ask where, worried if you knew you might use your newfound ‘gifts’ to tear him a new asshole.

        The night before they left there was a soft knock on your door. You looked up curiously, hoping for just a split second that maybe it was him… You crossed the room slowly and creaked the door open.  As the hallway light poured into your dimly lit bedroom you saw Bucky’s disheveled form. He looked like hell. You didn't think he would have already been sleeping, not that you minded an impromptu visit from your favourite Super Soldier, but his worried eyes concerned you. 

           “Can we talk a sec?” He asked, his voice confirming he was indeed in crisis. You nodded slightly and let him in. He walked towards your bed, instantly taking a seat and waiting for you to join. He really looked terrible. You could tell he was a wreck. Good, you thought. The man had literally kept you up for nights worrying, wondering if you were the cause of his sudden cold shoulder. 

         “I think that's a good idea.” You spoke sternly, surprised with how calm your voice came out. To be fair, you had practiced this conversation in the mirror a few times. As long and Bucky stuck to the script, you'd be fine.  

          He smirked slightly, tapping the space beside him. As you got closer, you realised what bad shape the guy was really in. Dark circles blossomed under his once blue eyes, now dark and stormy and bloodshot. His usual scruff was now almost a beard and looked unkempt and overgrown. 

           “Listen, doll. There's somethin’ I've been meaning to say… I was just tryin’ to find the right words but then, last week, you kissed me and-” You didn't let him finish before interrupting. 

            “You kissed me?” Your words were harsh and you could tell they hurt Bucky. Maybe ease up a little, you thought as you took a deep breath. In all your time practicing what you were going to say to Bucky, him looking like a complete and utter wreck was never part of the picture.

         “What? Course’ I did. But that's not what I came to talk to you about.” He sighed, taking another long inhale and holding it a few seconds, before drawing it out slowly. “Y/n, I need you to understand, the person I am now, I wasn't always this way. I was broken and put back together so many times I had forgotten who I was.” He started. Bucky had told you about his past with Hydra before. Many nights you stayed up listening to him recall the few memories he had from his time. It made you somewhat thankful that yours hadn’t come back quite yet. 

          “I know, Buck. It’s okay.” Your voice droned out softly as you reached a reassuring hand and placed it on top of his metal one. He flinched away, resting them in his lap. You felt your heart pang with sadness at his actions. 

        “It's not okay, Y/n. It’s never been okay. I’m broken and you're just starting this new chapter…  Dammit - I don't even know how to…” He rubbed his face in frustration, all the while avoiding your worried stare. 

          “You know you can talk to me, Buck. About anything.” He spoke quietly, careful not to set him off. He nodded his head from behind his hands and finally removed them, placing them back down in his lap. 

         “I don't wanna’ screw this up, Y/n. Whatever this is. You’ve been such a good friend to me and…” He began again but his words melted away into the background. Friend. Such a good friend. Oh God, he was letting you down. You should have seen this coming but with Bucky, it felt different. You’d never been kissed like that. You didn't ask for any of this to happen. I mean, you had enough on your plate right now as it was. Why didn't he stop you? God, he could have stopped all of this. Instead of ignoring you all week and making you feel like a crazy person. Maybe you were. 

        “Why have you been avoiding me?” You interjected, not sure what part of his explanation he had even gotten to. He paused, looking at you with sympathy. He pities you, you thought, feeling your gut sink and tears well in your eyes. 

        “Look, Y/n… I got carried away with you that night. I should have stopped, I should have done a lot of things. I thought something terrible had happened to you and I just… I’m so sorry, doll. For everything.” His eyes burned into you, but you couldn't bring yourself to meet his gaze. You were so embarassed. God, you must look so stupid right now. Slowly, you took a breath and looked up at him. He looked you over, trying to gauge your current state. 

        “Ya- no, I get it. My fault, honestly. I read the situation wrong. Sorry.” You croaked out, forcing yourself to look at him in his mind melting eyes. Fuck, he was beautiful. Even completely sleep deprived the man could easily be the most attractive person you’d never seen. What an asshole. 

       “I just think it would be best, for both of us if we stayed friends.” He half heartedly smiled at you, watching as you nodded slowly. 

         “I think you should go, Bucky.” You whispered over a sob that forced its way out of your throat. Don't you dare cry in front of him. Don't you dare let him know he broke you. You shouted to yourself. 

“Doll-”

        “Don't- just… I’m fine. Really, I’m fine. Just, please leave now.” His head hung as he let out a defeated breath. Slowly he stood, crossing the room, but pausing when he got to the door. 

        “I leave on a mission tomorrow morning. It’s just recon, but I don't know when I’ll be back. Just take care of yourself, Y/n.”

          “I think I’ll be fine, Sargeant. Thanks.” You scoffed. And with that, the door shut, and you were left alone again. 

                Next morning came on quickly. You had spent most of the night staring at the ceiling and over thinking everything Bucky had just said. At least he was honest with you. You thought. After a week of ignoring you…

        Finally you pulled your ass out of bed. You hadn’t slept a blink all night, but there was no use trying now. You shuffled across your room and into the bathroom. 

        “Ugh,” You signed, looking at your messy hair and dark circles under your eyes. I think the only thing to really bring you back from the dead now was an I.V drop filled with coffee. 

        After throwing your hair up into a messy bun and blending out your under eye bags with concealer, you headed downstairs. The compound was strangely quiet. Granted Steve, Bucky and T’Challa had all left by now. It felt strange to not see them hovering around the kitchen. Instead, Natasha and Wanda sat on either side of the island chatting quietly until you walked it. Wanda’s head snapped up, alerting Natasha of your presence.

         “Morning, Y/n.” Wanda smiled warmly at you. 

          “Hi.” You mumbled, ransacking the kitchen for something to tide you over. You honestly couldn't remember the last time you had really eaten something. When you finally found the hidden box of fruit loops at the back of the pantry. These were you and Wanda's contraband and needing an appropriate hiding spot as such.

          “You know what would pair beautifully with those?” Nat asked, lifting her mug and pointing it towards the full coffee pot on the counter. You paused for a moment, finally letting the rich smell of the brewing beans envelope your senses. 

          “You didn't…?” You gasped, momentarily feeling a little better. 

          “You're right. I didn't. Bucky went out to the market early this morning and picked up a bag of real coffee beans for you.” She smiled knowingly at you.

           You huffed, suddenly a little less excited. It was pity coffee. Natasha looked you up and down trying to get a read on your mood. She carefully poured you a full mug of deliciousness, passing it to you. As you lifted it to your lips your mouth watered, feeling all your problems melt away. The first sip reaffirmed that sentiment. 

      “Fuck, thats good.” You moaned, swallowing the substance slowly. Wanda giggled at your reaction while Nat rolled her eyes. 

       “So, what's the plan for today?” You asked over a mouth full of cereal. 

       “Nothing crazy, Wanda and I are going to go train for a bit, if you wanna’ join in?” Nat offered. Working out with the former assassin and super witch didn’t really strike you as a relaxing day, but you figured it would be a good way to get your mind off Bucky. 

       “Yeah, that sounds good. Maybe we can have a girls night tonight? I could really use it.” You shrugged casually, trying not to meet Nat’s suspicious gaze.

        “Ugh, yes please! Three against one, Shuri will have to watch a sappy eighties rom-com with us!” Wanda exclaimed, setting her cereal bowl in the sink and giggling her melodic laugh. 

        “We can do girls night, plus one boy. I think Sam's landing in Wakanda tonight. He’s been on a recon mission for the last month and a half, and knowing him, ittl’ more than likely be four against Shuri.” Nay laughed, poking Wanda in the shoulder and reminding her of the return of their friend. 

        “Oh right! Y/n, you’re going to love Sam.” Wanda exclaimed. You smiled dryly, trying and failing to look as excited as your friend. After the overwhelming week, all you wanted was to drink your weight in tequila and forget Bucky existed. Maybe a change in faces was just what you needed, however. 

         “Can’t wait.” You forced an enthused smile as you followed Nat and Wanda to the Gym. 

           You had at least a week before Bucky and the guys returned. Surely that was enough time to mend your bruised ego and move on. Though, something sinking deep inside of you felt otherwise. 

.....................................

A/n: It’s the ruining a perfectly good fluffy moment between y/n and Bucky for me. I’m so sorry. I cant tell you it gets better, but it does get juicy! 

.....................................

@kalesrebellion​ 

@projectcampbell​

[heir-of-talon]

Another chapter with my favourite ship. But maybe I should wreck it?

HEIR OF TALON 3

Warnings: explicit/underage

Summary:

Garret and Ember spend a day together trying to have fun.

Boy of summer

Garret

I woke up aroused and confused entangled in Ember's warm body. She was asleep, with her thigh carelessly thrown across my hips, her arm resting on my chest with the palm over my rapidly beating heart. I laid motionless for a while enjoying the touch of our bodies, feeling her breath on my neck and wishing that we could stay like this forever. But how could we with all the work awaiting us? This was not a good life for a young girl. Not that I knew much about it, yet still I could see her fading away, every time I saw her she was less lively, less herself and more tired, sad or angry. She insisted that this was what she wanted, that this was important to her. But the Order was less and less important to me. With each group of survivors emerging I could see, that the Order of St George was founded on values, that I could no longer share or excuse. I only continued as their commander to ensure, that the Order will not bounce right back and attack the dragons. But maybe being away in order to protect Ember from a change of hearts in the Order I was failing her in other ways, that were just as important. There, bleak thoughts chased away excitement and pleasure. I needed to get up and get active to clear my head.

I tried gently to wriggle free of Ember's limbs when she tensed and a pair of green eyes snapped open pinning me with intense gaze. The tension and expression melted away almost immediately and she smiled lazily. "Good morning commander" she said raising on one elbow to gaze down at me. Her fingertips slowly traced irregular patterns on the bare skin of my chest sending sweet thrills into my stomach. She pouted her lips and my thoughts strayed to another time, when she was touching me like that, a cargo bed in a clearing in some forgotten end of woods. I wanted her so much, I gathered her closer to my chest with my one arm. "Good morning ma'am, any special wishes for your humble servant?" She giggled and patted me mockingly. "Don't! Think if somebody hears us now? That would ruin the alliance. They would think I have you in thrall." She teased. "Maybe you do?" I said solemnly. "I do what?" She asked. "Have me in thrall. Because I feel that I would do anything for you without giving it a second thought". I looked deep into her eyes letting the joke and the truth sink in. Ember smiled and kissed me, pressing her body closer to mine. I ran my hand down her back and ass and felt heat kindling again in the pit of my stomach. She felt my cock pressing at her thigh and purred with delight before she straddled me grinding her breasts and belly against my upper body. I held her and kissed her, tasting her tongue and breath. I wanted her, my loins were on fire aching with desire and she was right there on top of me, warm and eager. I wanted her to burn me again, if she must. I just needed to be as close as possible. Some part of me seemed melting and running into her already. I felt my heart burning for her when my hands slipped under her t-shirt and stroked her back and sides of her breast, that were pressed tightly against me. I gripped her ass with my other hand. We needed to get her out of these clothes. I peered into Ember's eyes to tell her that and my voice caught in my throat. I could feel blood chilling in my veins. The impression was there and gone but I suddenly felt strange premonition and a thought crossed my mind, that she could just as well be on another planet the way things were. As if some illusion got dispelled by whatever I found on the bottom of the smiling green eyes. So I took her face in both my hands, kissed her briefly and asked. "What do you want to do today?"

"How about nothing?" She said. "I should probably go to my office and grant a ratification of Viper's agreement." She mused, her forehead creasing. "What are you going to do?" She asked. "I'm taking a day off to maintain my dragon girlfriend" I said smiling. "She can literally breath fire and bite my head off and I've been rather neglecting her lately..." Ember smiled happily and kissed me. "Deal. I cannot believe it is the soldier who talks me into skipping work!" She laughed. I rolled to the side making her to lay down beside me and kissing her. We kissed and touched for some time and it was great even though some of the strangely unpleasant feeling lingered in my chest. At last Ember declared herself famished and we decided to leave the bed and seek some breakfast.

*****

I walked towards the waterline with my newly bought and waxed surfing board. Ember let herself woo into buying a new high-tech board that doesn't require waxing by the attendant at the surfing shop and course centre by the beach. Then she proceeded to huff and puff and roll her eyes when I waxed mine with the attendant giving me tips and talking about how fine the weather was for surfing. When I was finished she ran towards the water and now waited for me in shallows beckoning for me to hurry. "Come on Garret! What is it? Are you regretting our bet?" She grinned. I said nothing watching distant surf ahead. "Don't worry, I'll treat you kindly when you lose." "How generous of you." I answered and started deeper into the water. I was exhilarated I could almost feel the vastness of the ocean surrounding me, the freedom calling to me. I looked at Ember and could see, that she had the same revelation. She was grinning madly with her eyes shining, there was nothing left of the exhausted girl in crumpled suit from yesterday. She might be CEO of Talon but she looked more like an overworked intern. It was quite a swim to reach the swells, but neither of us complained. Finally we were there and the wave was coming. Ember's attention focused completely on getting ready to catch it, so I decided to strike back. "How much money?!" I shouted. "What?" She seemed confused her eyes still focused on incoming swells. "How much money you bet on me being pounded more than you?!" "Million dollars soldier boy, you are going down!" She shouted and made to stand up anytime. "I cannot match that!" I teased her. "Million dollars against a daim!" She grinned madly and tried to stand up. I followed her suit and after wobbling a bit went tumbling off into turquoise waters. When I emerged and got water out of my eyes I saw Ember already recovering her board visibly enjoying herself.

Her enjoyment was somewhat diminished when, after three more approaches, where we both got wiped out, I managed to catch the wave and ride it without falling. The experience was almost overwhelming, after months of running, fighting and then managing what was left of the Order, I have almost forgotten, what it is like to do something for the sheer feeling of it. Three more rides and Ember was scowling, she fell off every time and finally, I could not enjoy this anymore. "Let's call it a day!" I shouted to her. "No! You don't get to win this easily!" She seemed close to tears and I could not stand the thought, that I have somehow caused this. I could not remember Ember being such a sour loser. I waded all the way to her and hugged her tightly. "Ember, it's not fun anymore. Let's go and get something to eat." Food managed to lift her spirits nine out of ten times. She looked at me as if she was about to say something nasty, but then she seemed to relax.

We got out of water, changed into dry clothes and drove to a steak house not far away. Over a steak that could cover her whole upper body Ember seemed to cheer up a bit. I watched amazed as the enormous piece of meat disappeared fast in this slip of a girl. It was fascinating, how could I ever have missed this ravenous appetite?

"Go on. Mock me. I deserve it." She said. "Come on Ember, can't we let it go? Or maybe agree on best out of three..." I did not care a bit about this wager, and it definitely was not worth Ember's discomfort for me. "No! I've lost miserably and now have to explain to Archivist, why exactly we have to transfer one million dollars to you." I was dumbstruck. "Don't even think about it! I wouldn't accept it. I didn't mean it seriously." She must have hit her head. "A bet is a bet. You might not have meant it, but I did." She said. "Why? Why would you want to bet a million to a daim on anything?". I was incredulous. "Because I was sure I'd win? Because I have all this millions and apparently can't use them on anything that would bring me joy..." Ember was tearing up again, it pained me to see her so fragile, she was definitely not well. I stood up and slipped into our booth on her side of the table. I put my arm around her shoulders and pulled her to my chest. "I don't want your money Ember. I love you. I want you to be happy. I know you feel that changing Talon is your responsibility, but maybe someone else could help to administrate the changes?" She looked at me doubtfully. "If you have that much money, maybe pay uncle Liam and aunt Sarah to take care of you in Crescent Beach until you turn eighteen? You could surf every day after school with Lexi and Calvin." I stopped seeing her gaping at me. Then she started to laugh, somewhat joyless, until it turned into sobs and she was weeping and I had no idea what to do other than to hold her.

At last she came to herself. "Oh Garret, how wonderful this would be. But it's impossible." "Why? Why is it impossible Ember? I am sick of the Order. They are adults, let them clean their own mess. We need to do other things in our lives than their bidding. Isn't that why you've rebelled in the first place?" She watched me in silence. "I would gladly leave the Order. Even if that meant I'd have to go to school and work at a gas station. If it meant that I could be with you." I stopped having said all I had to say.

"Oh my! Garret, you truly mean it?!" She said at last. Then she looked very conflicted. "They will never let us go Garret. I don't know if I can live a normal life. This is too much!" But I could feel that she was considering it, so I said. "You don't have to decide right now. Just think about it. I want very much to be with you. Even if you stay in Talon. I could be your bodyguard." Finally Ember's gaze softened. "You would do that for me? Leave the Order?" She said. "I already did. Something just got messed up underway and we ended up exactly, where we started." I said. I have been thinking a lot about our current situation and with each day, when I was away from Ember, fighting Order's battles in a war where there was neither honour nor fortune for me to win, I saw clearer how life was slipping through my fingers. It was possible that it would take more than human lifetime to change the Order and Talon. And even though I was granted extended life by Riley I felt, that this time would be wasted just as well. We would not be as we are, to move on, once the process is advanced enough to let it continue on its own. Ember was already changed beyond recognition after mere months of this life. I caught myself more and more often at hating the Order of St George and Talon and all the mess I was handling on the behalf of both. We had a choice. We've made this choice once, we could make it again. So I put my arms tightly around her and said. "I want to be with you Ember. You've told me, I can live for centuries. But my mind and heart are still human. I miss you. I feel I'm wasting my life being away and struggling to keep control of an organisation, that I'd rather leave. We could be together. I would take care of you while you're taking care of your business." Ember twisted in my embrace putting her arms around my waist and pressed her face to my chest, hugging me tightly. I held her feeling once again the rightness of this, this was where I was supposed to be. This was what I should be doing. At last she looked up at me with shining eyes. "I want that Garret. I miss you too. And Talon can be too much. But I'm afraid that if I just cash out few millions and leave, I'll wake up surrounded by Vipers some time soon. Talon must be at least partially dismantled before it's safe to leave it alone." She started frowning her look vacant. "Then let us work towards this together." I said. "Okay, let's do this together." She said calm now.

I moved back to sit in front of my cold food. Fortunately I have eaten enough before Ember started crying. We ordered waffles with softice for dessert and headed for Ember's apartment. In the car Ember spoke suddenly. "I think I'll give you the million anyways... don't protest. You don't have to use it if you don't want it. Think about it as something you're keeping safe for me, should I ever need it. Like an emergency trust found." It did not sit well with me. "Only if you consider my offer." I answered. "About Crescent Beach." "Deal, I'll think about it." She answered a bit too smugly. We drove back to city listening to old rock songs playing from the radio. Sun was slowly setting and the world was cast in this unreal light, that made it look like a place from a fairytale, like anything was possible.

***

We tumbled onto Ember's white sofa right after entering the apartment. Any weariness from being pounded and peddling for hours left me instantly. Ember pulled off her t-shirt and I cupped her warm soft breast in my hand feeling her heart beating wildly inside it. I bent to kiss it, tasting her skin and hard pointy nipple when my phone rang.

Only two people had this number, it was only to be used in case of emergency. "Ember it's emergency number." I said apologetically and fished the phone from my pants. It was Tristan. It could wait. I put it on silent and moved to lay between Ember's legs again when she braced her hand on my chest. "If it's an emergency shouldn't you check it?" She asked. I should but I don't want to. I thought, and aloud I said. "It's Tristan, he probably wants to know when I will be back." "Still you should check." She said pulling on her t-shirt and pressing her knees together leaving me with few other options. I groaned with disappointment and nestled in another corner of the sofa.

"What is it?" My voice was raspy and my tone was slightly impatient. I cleared my throat. "Have I interrupted something commander?!" Tristan sounded uncharacteristically sour. "Yes, get to the point." I was sure my discomfort could match whatever he felt. "An hour ago commander Knight, six of his people and his wife and daughter arrived. He claims to be commander of some southern chapterhouse, that I have never heard about. He says they're top secret intelligence team. Anyways he's already questioning alliance with dragons, threatening us all with persecution for treason and claiming command over Western Chapterhouse including you and me. So you better get here before he executes someone commander." Shit. Apparently I could not catch a break either.

I quickly reported news to Ember. "You should go right away Garret." She said solemnly. "This sounds serious and dangerous.... for our plans. You and Tristan are the only people inside the Order of St George, that I can trust. We can't risk you getting sidelined by some conservative bloodthirsty commander." As more and more blood circulated in my body I could see her point and had a few of my own to add, but I hated leaving her like that. "I don't want to leave you." I said. "You are not leaving me. You go away to make preparations for our escape." She gave me a brave smile and I kissed her hungrily, letting my hands roam her body, trying commit to memory as much of her as possible, the touch of soft warm skin, the taste of her lips, scent of her hair. I was about to suggest we wait with it till the morning, when she pulled away. "Go Garret. Call me when you know more. I'll help you any way I can, remember." She kissed me again. "I love you Garret. Even though I can't surf anymore." She added and followed me to the doors where she kissed me once more and stood watching,  when I waited for the elevator.