#I believe I would live more than 27 years

[713-4th-ward-g]

.

[nonegenderleftpain]

To all the new, young MCR fans out there who are just finding them during this tour - you will never know what it was like to be a fan back before and during the hiatus.

And that's a good thing.

I have been following My Chemical Romance since I was ten years old. MCR was the band that the freaks liked. The band that young queer kids were called fags and dykes for liking. Someone once called them the "poster child for suicidal depression," and they aren't wrong. We watched the band struggle with drugs and drinking and idolized how much they were able to do while blackout on tour, because if they could do something so powerful at such a disadvantage, then maybe we could, too. We watched the popularization of "guyliner," because having a term for men wearing makeup could make it an ironic fashion statement instead of a deliberate choice that would get you left bloody and unconscious on the floor of a gas station bathroom. We watched these guys destroy themselves, and we saw ourselves in them because we were destroyed, too. We wanted to believe that we could be just as important, no matter how broken we were, and we found shared experiences at concerts and cafeterias and skate parks and libraries, with other fucked up kids that wanted to listen to the guys that didn't care if people called them gay. The guys that made out on stage to the jeers of thousands of people and got bottles of piss thrown at them but kept doing it anyway. The guys that played with gender and sexuality and everything on the fringes of acceptability, in their lyrics and their performance and the way they treated each other.

This was important. It was life-saving. It provided a comparatively safe space in an unsafe cultural environment for the freaks to find comfort in. It was also hugely and dangerously unhealthy.

I've talked at length to my friends about how healing and lifechanging this tour has been for me, and I want to illuminate that for these young fans that are falling in love with MCR like I did when I was their age. When we were kids, most of our heroes were already dead. They died young, had tragic lives, and we saw ourselves in them. I fully believed MCR would end up the same way. It would have been so easy to be martyrs - to die young and beautiful. Gerard said it himself, back in the day, that MCR was destined to die young in a car crash and stay beautiful forever, and I think he truly believed that.

So they broke up. And, like a miracle, things started to change. They got clean. Got married. Had kids. Not just Gee, but the lot of them. They aged out of the 27 club, and then out of their 30s, and they only seemed to continue to thrive. Today, in 2022, Gerard Way is 45 years old. He has wrinkles. He has a daughter who is older now than I was when she was born. And they are touring again.

The cultural change from when I was a teenager to now, when you guys are, is monumental. It's insane. It's fantastic. Back in the day, Gerard made some occasional comments about playing with gender presentation (that all us trans people, including those of us that didn't even know yet, hunted down and cherished and kept in our chests for safekeeping), but the idea of doing something so flagrant as headlining Riot Fest in a dress was ludicrous. It would have gotten him booed (still did, even now). It could have gotten him killed. The fact that Gerard Way has stepped on stage three separate times this tour in a dress (so far! it's not over!) is such an incredible, monumental change from when I was a kid and I am so, so happy for you to be experiencing it as kids.

I had a cry about this at a P!ATD concert in 2018, after seeing preteens running down the halls in pride flags, and I feel even more strongly about it now than I did then. That you're able to talk openly about Gerard's gender performance without fear, that you're able to hear them go by he/they pronouns, that you're able to interact with other young fans in the wake of MCR's revival in a safe environment and take in the messages that are at the core of what they stand for? These are beautiful fucking things.

You can't know what it was like, growing up with MCR back in the day. But you get to know what it's like to grow up with them now. Cherish that. In Detroit, Gerard told us to take our meds, and reminded us that we made it. They made it. They fought through the hard parts, fought the demons, and came out the other side better for it. As you watch them put those demons to rest from concert to concert, know that there are older fans cheering you on, so fucking happy to see you sharing this experience with us, and so excited to see what way this changes you. We know it changed us.

[dungeonsanddragonsfifthedition]

sixty-nine more questions for your ttrpg characters!

(i originally made one of these on a defunct sideblog; i thought it was about time i made a new one! send an oc’s name and a number, go wild!)

-

1. what drives them? what’s their ultimate goal?

2. what was your original concept for this character? how did playing them change that concept?

3. can they accept failure?

4. what one person, place, or thing do they love more than anything else?

5. is there something they want to be known for?

6. how have they changed in the last year? how about the last five years?

7. there’s a magic item (or technological innovation, or special resource) made just for them—what is it?

8. what songs remind you of them? if there are specific lyrics or movements, list ‘em!

9. when in their life were they most scared?

10. what inspired this character’s creation?

11. if they have a pet or animal companion, how do they spend time with them? if they don’t have one, what sort of animal would they be interested in raising, if any?

12. how have they altered their body? piercings, tattoos, biohacks, or other modifications—anything. why (or why not) did they (or someone else) make those changes?

13. what are some motifs you associate with them? did you intentionally bring in those motifs, or did it happen over time?

14. what keeps them up at night?

15. is there something that never fails to make them laugh?

16. do they value their appearance?

17. they’re crying—what did it take to make them cry?

18. what dish brings back the best memories for them?

19. what sparks genuine, unadulterated rage in them?

20. what attracts them to someone—platonically and/or romantically, anything counts.

21. do they have an idea about how they’ll die? do you?

22. how would they decorate their living space, if they had a chance?

23. in what moment did they consider themselves to be “grown up”?

24. are they close to any family members?

25. who is their best friend?

26. what type of person pisses them off?

27. how do they usually dress? why do they dress the way they do?

28. do they collect anything?

29. what feelings do they internalize?

30. how do they handle confrontation?

31. do they respond well to praise? how about criticism?

32. which of your decisions led to their voice being the way it is?

33. what artistic medium are they most drawn to?

34. what languages do they speak? how did they learn them?

35. when did they feel loneliest?

36. how do they fidget?

37. if they’ve had one, what was their first kiss like?

38. do they see themselves as an important part of their party?

39. are they insecure about their appearance? how about their personality? what aspects specifically worry them?

40. if you had to remake this character right now, how would you change them?’

41. how do you keep notes for this character, if at all?

42. can they dance?

43. how much do they know about the world they live in?

44. what lies do they tell others?

45. what lies do they tell themselves?

46. have they taught themselves any skills just for fun?

47. what could they talk about for hours on end?

48. do they relate to anyone in their group? conversely, which person do they relate to the least?

49. how often do they cut their hair, if at all?

50. do they have a go-to beverage, alcoholic or nonalcoholic?

51. what element of their backstory are you proudest of?

52. how would they dress themselves up for a formal event?

53. do they keep their plans close to their chest?

54. how important is money in their life? do they save up for ages, or spend quickly?

55. they’re seeing their greatest wish come true—what’s happening?

56. who would they trust with their life, unequivocally?

57. do they see value in the laws of where they live?

58. how often do they swear? do they mind when others swear?

59. what’s an element of their philosophy that you disagree with?

60. what do they have faith in? what keeps them believing?

61. is there an in-game moment of theirs you think about and just laugh?

62. do they believe in good and evil?

63. what’s a meme or tiktok or vine (or whatever) that you associate with them?

64. how would a party member describe them?

65. what would their go-to karaoke song be?

66. which fruit do they like most?

67. do they consider themselves to be special?

68. where’s their home?

69. what’s one secret they don’t want getting out?

[rcksmith]

All versions of you — Five Hargreeves

You can find the 3 request here: anonymous 1, anonymous 2, anonymous 3.

Resume: Years on The Commission made Five Hargreeves commit horrible atrocities, massacring his humanity and robbing his chances to belong to somewhere. Somewhere stable. But all the torture they put on his soul every day, was all worth when he found in that agency the one thing he knew he would love irrevocably until the end of time: You. But all that love hadn't been able to stop the separation when he returned to his family, when the breakup was inevitable and took the last spark of happiness from him. Forever. Surviving the end of the 1960s world, and finally accepting that a reality where the Sparrow Academy existed was better than messing up the timeline all over again, Five was prepared to find everything in that chaotic place, except the one thing that could bring him to his knees: You.

And like Ben Hargreeves, you didn't remember any Five.

Angst Prompts: 

8. “Why can’t you just look at me for one god damn second!”

10. “don’t touch me!”

13. “we can’t go back in time, so stop trying to reverse what you said.”

17. “stop making empty promises!”

Fluff Prompts:

28. “You’re not going to leave me alone, are you?” “Not.”

33. “I’ve waited for this moment for a long time.”

39. “You’re more than that.”

51. “I promised to love you forever.”

Smut Prompts:

19. “You’d better be quiet or everyone’s going to know what a naughty little slut you are.

27. “Can you help me with this zipper?”

75. “Tell me what you like.”

Couple: Five Hargreeves /Fem!Reader.

Warnings: arguing, swearing, mention of murder/blood, A LOT OF ANGST, fluff, smut, dirty talk

Word count:

A/N: Spoiler from season 3. I changed some details of this season too, but just to make sense of the story.

Because I have a lot of requests in my box, I compile 3 orders that are similar and put together, but I took care to added all the elements that were asked for individually, and made sure that all ideas were respected and written down.

We not tolerate any pedophilia here !! I write about Five with their 20s. I write the same about the characters of Harry Potter, MHA and others fandoms.

English is not my first language, so I so sorry if have a mistake.

Requests are  OPEN. Love you ❤️

——–

There was a kind of evil joke that ruled the lives of Five Hargreeves, from their birth until now, 28 years later. He didn't believe in God, fate or luck, but the cosmic irony of his life was too palpable for him to totally rule out higher beings involvement. Beings whose greatest delight seemed to be seeing pain strike Five's Egyptian blue eyes.

His soul has always been constantly tortured. The relentless search for Reginald's approval and validation, the excruciating loneliness of the apocalypse, the longing for his family - or just the voice of an acquaintance - the brutal slaughter he had to commit to The Commission every day. Every day.

Five Hargreeves had known the pain, the deprivation, the loneliness, and the weight on his shoulders for all the lives he had taken. He knew by heart the bitter, pungent taste of blood on the roof of his mouth, the feeling of self-revulsion, the Herculaneum effort he had to make every day to push his traumas, fears and despairs into the dungeon of his soul to the very depths that he could.

That was all he knew. Until you.

Until you show up on that Commission as his sidekick. Just a girl to take care of his paperwork while he was in the field. Killing.

Five shouldn't have felt a new kind of shiver run through his body when he saw you. He shouldn't have wondered if you weren't the most beautiful woman to ever step foot in that universe. He shouldn't have been fascinated by the way sunlight streamed through the window and bathed your skin.

But in that moment, insane moment, Five Hargreeves understood Icarus' fascination with the Sun.

Nothing could unsettle Five's good mood whenever you were together. Not even when he met  your hot temper, your sharp tongue, mocking gaze, your strong, almost aggressive personality. While The Handler thought you were brash and difficult, Hargreeves thought you were wonderful. Perfect. He knew very well how to mask the turmoil inside him, so well that you accused him several times of being rude, surly and mean to you. But, even so, didn't go unnoticed to anyone the way that him smiling more easely for you.

Very quickly, Five knew that, like everyone who had a weakness, you would always be his. As long life coursed through his veins.

Hargreeves knew almost every possible human sensation, but the way he felt when you kissed him for the first, was superb, overwhelming. In that instant, as his hands tangled in your hair and his mouth melted into yours, Five knew that his soul would forever be yours. Always yours. He silently ask that you belonged to him, because he belonged to you forever. Until the end of times.

"You're everything to me." Those were yours words when you two slept together for the first time. And as much as Five was embargoed with too many new emotions to be able to utter a single sentence ,he pressed his lips to yours and begged whatever deity there was - for the first time - that he could convey in that kiss everything he felt for you.

You were the point of salvation in the raging, evil sea that was Hargreeves' life.

Time passed and Five kept you like a promise, an unspoken prayer to a God he didn't even believe in. He branded your name into his soul like a red-hot iron and silently swore eternal love to you each time his long, thin fingers brushed your soft skin. He worshiped you in secret and admired your beauty out of the corner of his eye. Like a nicotine addict, Five consumed you, filled his lungs with your heavenly scent and held his breath until his brain felt the effects of the addiction. Not even Reginald could explain why you made the ocean waves of Five calm like a prayer mass. You promised eternal peace with just one look and Hargreeves wanted to confess all his sins just so he could enter your gates of paradise after death.

Would it be a crime for a murderer to want redemption so badly? Would there be a timeline where he could follow you to the last of days? A reality where he wasn't haunted by the constant feeling that the villain couldn't wish for a happy ending. Not when he's already taken away so many other people's happy endings.

Was it a crime that he didn't want to smear blood your cheek whenever he touched that spot? Because no matter how many times Five washed himself, the red liquid from his victims would always be there. Invisible, but there. Always.

And, just as he knew what a evil joke his life was, the gods showed once again that their fun was to see him suffer.

“What's this, Five?” You asked him one night, holding an open notebook full of notes.

His notebook. With his notes of the calculations that he was trying to get right to get back to his home. To his family.

You felt a hurricane of emotions that clouded your senses, a mixture of sensations that made your ground shake.

You know that Five always wanted to come home, he's told you that himself several times. It wasn't a closely guarded secret and you shouldn't be feeling so...betrayed. It was petty and selfish not to want him to leave. It was wrong to wish you were enough, to make up for the absence of an entire family. You were aware that a relationship was not enough to have a full, completely happy life. And from the bottom of your heart, you really wanted Five to be able to return to his family. Everyone deserves a family. And you couldn't, and wouldn't, take that away from him.

But… but you wanted to be more than a consequence of his plan. Just a person he'd met in the midst of his mission to go away. You wish Five would see you as a life partner. You didn't want him to give up on his family, but to take you away with him if that was the case.

But Five Hargreeves wouldn't take you along whit him. It was always in his eyes whenever his family got into the subject, you just misled yourself into thinking that the time you two spent together might change his mind. Make him want you for the rest of his life. You didn't want him to give up his true life to stay and remain with you, but you would give up to yours to follow him to hell. If he asked. If he wanted you.

But the way Five Hargreeves looked at you in that moment, made it clear to you that he would never see you the way you saw him.

And it tore you apart.

You were too smart a person to know that his silence was an answer. “How close are you to coming home?” was just the only thing that came out of your mouth.

"Very close.'' 

His voice was like desert sand, and a part of you died in that hour.

“And you didn't bother to tell me that?''

This time Five frowned. "Why should I?"

Laughter escaped yours lips as an incredulous, mocking sound, and the hurt part of you began to turn to anger.

“Do you really think it's okay to come into my life and leave whenever you want? Without even telling me what hell is going on.”

“You always knew I would come back to 2019”

“Yes but…'' but I didn't think it would be so soon. but I thought that when the day came you would want me by your side. but I wanted you to stay.

In a perfect world, Five would have told you he wouldn't take you with him because the calculations were uncertain, dangerous, fatal. Not even a genius like him could accurately hit all the math that was required, the difference was that he was aware of and accepted the consequences of his near-fatal mission. Dying or getting lost in time trying to get back to his family has always been a very high probability, one that Hargreeves couldn't, and wouldn't, involve you.

Maybe that was love. The absurd desire, almost torn apart, of wishing with all his soul to stay with you until the end of time. But to give it up without hesitation when it came to your well being. Five Hargreeves might be a murderer, a monster and an executioner, but he would never put you in the crossfire just for his selfish desire to have you forever. And he couldn't give up his family too.

The evil joke that was his life once again found a new way to make him bleed. This time, in a way he never thought possible, in such excruciating pain that there, looking into the deep hurt in the eyes that meant the reason he was still breathing, Five was sure he would never be happy again. Not completely. Not fully.

He found love where he shouldn't have found it. And those months of paradise were paid for with his soul.

Five couldn't look at you anymore, and the sound of your angry voice at him was drowned out by the pain that welled up in his chest and spread through every part of his body.

“Why can’t you just look at me for one god damn second?!” 

He wanted. He wished he could look at you one more time and not feel that horrible pain. But Five knew that if he did that, he would see not only the reason his heart kept beating, bu also that he was hurting the one person he swore to protect. He wasn't strong enough for it.

But, the truth was Five Hargreeves couldn't protect you from himself. From the chaos and hell that followed him wherever he went. He couldn't protect you from the death trail he left behind. But he could protect you from the mess he was. And that's what he was doing.

"Things shouldn't have gotten this far." He didn't recognize his own voice.

That was no lie. He shouldn't have loved you with every cell in his body. He shouldn't have found heaven in you when he was always destined for hell. He should have been honorable and let you go when he first realized that you would be the spin of his world. He should have loved you from afar, in secret. However, like the cretin he knew he was, Five gave in to his soul's pleas. He gave in to the overwhelming desire to kiss you. Once again. One more. And when he realized, his naked body was already wrapped around yours several times, mixing sounds of sin and ecstasy, as he drowned in your body his heart condemned to be forever yours.

"Are you telling me you're sorry for us?" The pain and anger in your voice was too much for him to handle.

As Five got up from the chair he was sitting in, your eyes burned with a fire of irritation and smoldering hurt.

How could he?

“You know that's not what I meant.''

Fucking lier.

“But it sounded just like that to me.”  You hit back, as you always did with him. “You can barely face me and the only thing I hear you say is that we shouldn't go that far. What kind of sick game is this? Do you wear me for months and then discard me as if I am a piece that is no longer useful to you?”

Emotions overflowed your body in the form of tears. Fights with Five were always exhausting, he never let you in on his deepest emotions and constantly say something that tore at your heart. Several times you've wondered why you stayed by his side when it was clear Five didn't think twice about hurting you with something cruel. Why were you mad that he didn't want you on his side in another timeline? When it was clear that not even in this timeline he felt much appreciation for you.

Because you love him with every breath.

“I didn’t call you useless to me.”

"Sure. Because I give you good sex when you need to vent.” Your voice shook with crying.

"Y/n, that's not what I meant..."

“I know what you mean, Hargreeves.” This time he looked at you, but only for seconds. "It means I'm good enough for you to fuck me over at the end of the day, but not good enough to want to be with me in other ways."

That was a slap in his face. How could you think like that?

Five Hargreeves forgot that only him was aware of the visceral magnitude of his feelings for you. He forgot that his inability to express what he felt in words was much loud, because while he burned in a blazing fire of love and passion inside, on the outside he only let on a firm frown, a crooked smile and a longer look in your direction.

Five never said he loved you. And the lack of communication was fatal.

To you, who didn't know Five's real feelings, it seemed very clear from his actions that he didn't love you.

"Isn't that what I..."

But you had reached your limit. There was a limit of rejection you could take.“We can’t go back in time, so stop trying to reverse what you said.” 

That had been the mother of all ironies. Because he could go back in time. But apparently not enough to show you that, all these months, you've been the reason his heart is still beating.

Five approached you, almost as a side effect, but you nipped the action in the bud. “Don't Touch Me.”

"You know I didn't mean to hurt you in any way, I promised myself that I wouldn't.”

“So stop making empty promises!” You left his house, and Five didn't stop you. 

When the sound of the front door echoed off the walls, all hope of happiness was gone along with you.

The next day, Five come back to his home, his family, and he used the consolation that you would be safe on the Commission. Protected from the ongoing chaos that he was.

And it hurt like he'd lost the best of him.

------

Luther had the romantic heart and common sense of a banana. He took risks and changed his world in the name of love, happiness, passion. Every cell in his body pulsed with romanticism and the joy he felt in being in love clouded his rationality.

There was hardly a shred of discernment in that gigantic body when love was involved in the equation. And maybe that's why he'd been oblivious to the subtle signs that timeline was giving him when he'd been kidnapped by Sparrow Academy, and Sloane had introduced him to her best friend. All Luther could see was Sloane next to a girl who seemed to do her a lot of good, a good friend. And anyone who made that beautiful smile appear on the face of the woman he was in love with was already his best friend too.

Luther didn't realize the air sounded different. That the world seemed to hold its breath, as if it had just watched a plot unfold. He didn't feel any of it, because Luther wasn't sensitive to the little hints life gave him.

“This is Y/n.” Sloane smiled once more as you sat next to her at the gigantic breakfast table.

If Number One had been more attentive to the details around you, he would have noticed that something deep in your eyes looked familiar. But he wasn't the most attentive of the world.

The conversation took place calmly, as normal as circumstances allowed. Luther knew that to the people of that reality, the Sparrow Academy were a good, friendly, heroic bunch. Maybe his crush on one of the members was compromising his judgment, but Luther started to think that maybe his siblings only hated them for meeting under those circumstances. Perhaps, in another reality, they would all have gotten along and found something in common. Just like you were doing, sitting there while talking to everyone.

Apparently, you were a person dear to that family. Ben seemed to smile a lot more at you and Fei seemed less scary around you.

“So how did you two meet?” 'Luther asked you, as he stuffed a whole piece of toast into his mouth.

“She's Sloane's childhood friend.'' Fei said, saving you from answering by having your mouth full.

You smiled at Luther and nodded.

“Our childhood friend.” Ben corrected, and the whole family rolled their eyes.

“He's not always this grumpy.'' You told Luther as you gulped down your food, the kind, bright smile not leaving your aura.

“Only 99% of the time’’ Sloane joked and you both laughed.

The end of that interaction was given when Ben stood up and asked for everyone but Sloane to be in the living room. Leaving the two lovers alone, Ben asked you to accompany Luther back to his family when he left. Just to make sure he wasn't up to something or lying.

You would accompany the guy, but only to make sure that Fei's crows didn't do anything bad or that Alphonso didn't pick on him, but you wouldn't come back with information about the Hargreeves.

The dynamics of Sparrow's with you has always been very present in everyday life, for many years. And as much as Ben was extremely manipulative and the other siblings had their equally thorny flaws, over time you came to learn how to deal with each one, what each one was capable of doing.

"Whatever." Ben rolled his eyes, and was already turning to leave when he turned a few inches back in your direction ''But be careful." and he left.

When night had fallen and Luther was allowed to leave, you said you would accompany him to his destination. You didn't make up lies or half-truths, you said what Ben had asked you to do and your reasons for doing so. You weren't interested in the war between the two families, only your friend's happiness. And if being with Luther made her happy, you wouldn't be the one to get in the way.

The journey was smooth. Hargreeves asked almost everything he could about Sloane. And you helped by telling him the things she liked, what she didn't, her favorite foods and ways to win her heart. You always thought love suited Sloane, and you would do what you could to help a man who seemed genuinely interested in making her the happiest woman alive. She deserved it.

Luther entered the huge hotel first, carrying the gift bag Ben had given him. You should have stopped there and walked away, you had already completed what you came to do, you had already arrived at your destination. But something, an energy that raised the hairs on the back of your neck, urged you to enter that hotel with Luther, just one more step...

The air suddenly changed as you followed Luther toward a huddle of voices, and the closer you got, the more your heart raced, like a ticking time bomb. The hotel's mood turned red and rosy, as if the lights of the world were dimming, and there was something lyrical about the way the air swirled around you.

----

Five Hargreeves was tired. Tired of apocalypses, exhausted from having to save world after world, win fight after fight. It was as if he was constantly putting off the inevitable, pushing himself to the limit, using energy he didn't even have anymore.

He really needed that retirement that only lasted a few minutes. Five wanted to see the world, visit new places, but not for him…

“One day we could take a vacation.” You said one day, lying inside Five's arms, both bodies naked.

He frowned at your comment, and you didn't even have to look at him to know that was the expression he was making.

“I always wanted to see the world.” You explained. “But… I don't know, it's one of those things in life that we keep putting off, blaming work, tiredness… loneliness.”

"Where would you like to go?"

"All the places." You laughed. “To know even the stupidest things, like… how to know the biggest ball of twine in the world”

And this time he laughed too.

Five wanted to see the world, visit new places, but not for him, for you.

Maybe that's why Five was so angry with Klaus when he learned that they hadn't traveled for a vacation. Maybe that's why he nearly killed them both in a car accident to see that twine. Because…maybe if he did the things you wanted to do, he would feel closer to you once again. Maybe.

If he could just imagine your snarky comments, your boisterous presence, he could feel alive once more.

But he had stopped in front of that stupid ball of twine. Giant and perfectly round. He waited for some revelation, some sensation…but nothing came. And that was another evil joke in his life, tearing apart another piece of his soul shards. Nothing could replace you. Hargreeves returned to the hotel feeling worse than when he left, with a new end of the world knocking at the door, with more family dramas to resolve.

However, this time, something was very different.

He sought within himself that survival instinct, that will to fight, to stop another apocalypse, to see another tomorrow. Only to find nothing. Only for the answer come at him like a big void.

And he thought 'why?'. Every time they tried to save the world, something worse happened. And now that he'd had a taste of what a calm, normal life would be like, without you, Five found no motivation to keep fighting.

He was still alive, but he had left his heart two timelines ago.

“I'm back.” Luther's voice trumped Alison's talking to Viktor, and Five remembered thinking when  Luther had left.

But that didn't matter. And he began to wonder which things still mattered.

His hearing picked up Luther's conversations with the other siblings, but his brain wasn't processing anything. With his back to Number One, Five had his direction towards Klaus, more specifically to the whiskey glass in his hands.

He really should get fucking drunk...

“Sorry about the Sparrows, they really go overboard sometimes.''

That's when the Earth's rotation stopped. The world stunned in slow motion as every hair on Five's body stood on end. The completely stunned silence in his mind lasted only seconds, interrupted when his soul screamed so loudly that Five was stunned. The chords of the music of fate grew more agitated by the minute, like a premonition of the climax.

Five Hargreeves knew that voice better than he knew himself.

His body abruptly swung toward Luther, startling the other brothers beside him, drawing all attention his way. Klaus frowned as Diego followed the same action.

That's when his eyes focused on you. The symphony of fate reached its climax and was like an atomic explosion.

And, after a fucking long time, his heart beat frantically, alive.

His jaw dropped open, his eyes widened in an explosion of emotions and sensations. The glass Five was holding tumbled to the floor, shattering on a splash of glass and splattering the expensive alcohol all over the floor. There was some exclamation from someone, but Five didn't hear. He wouldn't have heard anything but you.

Holy damn shit.

His pulse raced wildly through his veins, heightening all his senses and turning life back on in his body that had been operating in automatic mode for far too long. It was like finally being able to breathe. Like hot coffee after ages of braving the excruciating cold. Suddenly, the world had color again, life flowed through his body and his soul thanked on its knees to gods that did not exist for seeing you once again.

If this was a hallucination, another evil joke, Five didn't know how he was going to recover from it. Perhaps he would never recover. His body moved, his powers being completely forgotten as he advanced towards you. Step by step. Everyone looked at Five in bewilderment, but he could only see that you were as beautiful as the day he lost you.

So are this how the devotees felt when they arrived at the gates of heaven? So this are like to come back to life?

Five stopped in front of you, his hands shaking and his heart pounding in his chest, as if it desperately wanted to get out of his chest to find yours. To touch you. He didn't notice your confused look, didn't notice that his own eyes were watering. Five Hargreeves just felt you.Totally.

“Y/n?” His voice was a thread of sound. Trembled, broken, conveying so much pain and despair. There was so much emotion in a single name that Klaus felt himself holding his breath and squeezing Diego's arm.

Five's feelings, always so well hidden and buried in the graveyard of his being, now consumed the entire hotel. Filling every floor, hallway and room with an intensity no one knew he carried. This wasn't Number Five meeting an old friend. This was a man finding the reason his life made sense again.

"Do you know my name?" Your voice swamped Five with more emotions, taking their structures brick by brick.

In other circumstances, he might be sad that you don't remember him. Perhaps, the fact that the moments you two spent together only exist in Five's mind forever now, will be cut him deeply. But none of that was important. None of that mattered.

You were there. Live. Standing in front of him as wonderfully breathtaking as the first time he saw you.

Hargreeves gave a broken, shaky smile, stretching his fingers toward your cheek, completely losing his breath as him brushed against your skin once more. It was like coming home.

“I know everything about you." He whispered, his thumb running down your cheek as the tears in his eyes welled up.

You didn't move, you didn't reject him, you didn't yell at him. Not like you used to. You just looked at him with a look that made his world spin again, a look with amnesia but that let him see your soul. And was the same one he fell in love with.

Holy shit.

"Okay, I'm not understanding anything that's going on here." Luther gestured with his index finger at the two, with the others nodding. “Do you know him, Y/n?”

Your eyes didn't leave Five's, absorbing all the emotions that blue sea revealed to you. You thought you had seen the love, the devotion, the passion. You thought the way Sloane looked at Luther was a look of love.

You have never been so wrongly deceived.

That was a look of love. That which was eternal devotion.

Five Hargreeves didn't look at you like you were a pretty girl, not like his were in love. He looked at you like you were the only thing that kept him alive. And that tore you apart. Because whoever that handsome man was thinking he found, it wasn't you. You didn't remember him, and you sure as hell wouldn't forget a face like his.

"I think you got confused." You said it in a whisper, as if speaking softly would change the truth, would make him keep touching you in that…careful way.

Your head instinctively leaned into his hand, as if already knew the way.

Five smiled again, his whole body burning in the heat of a thousand suns. "I would never get confused." The certainty in his voice took your breath away. "Not with you."

You could hear the rumble of his heart, and you could see that yours was beating the same tune, the same waltz. None of this situation made any sense, and you knew you had a million questions to ask later. Later. Not now, not when he was looking at you and touching you like this.

Reality could wait.

----

Five Hargreeves wouldn't let you leave his side after that day. It doesn't matter if you had things to do, places to go. That apocalypse was tearing people apart and he couldn't even think straight about the possibility that you were one of them.

It was unacceptable.

You had the answers to your questions, and Five gave you all of his time, explaining any questions, giving you his full attention. Treating you like you're the reason that he still standing.

The end of the world was knocking at the door and, looking at you once more, Five was sure that he wouldn't spend the precious time he still had chasing solutions or doing elaborate equations. He wouldn't waste his last days focusing on saving the world, on escaping to another reality. Not again.

He learned his lesson the first time. He understood that the priority should never have been going back to 2019, or keeping you away. His priority should always have been to stay by your side until the end of time. And that's what he was going to do.

"So I'm a version of your true love?" You said, sitting on the edge of a bed in one of the hotel rooms.

“You’re more than that.” he assured you with a firmness that took your breath away, looking at you with all the honesty in the world.

The smile you gave made Five smile too.

“Shouldn't you be trying to stop the apocalypse? Your sister seems to really want to change reality.”

Hargreeves shook his head. “I won't leave you. Never. Not again.”

Your heart was pounding, your hands were shaking, and there was something about Five that made you feel like he was something you'd found after many years of searching, even if you hadn't realized it. You didn't feel the urge to say you weren't the same person he fell in love with, to argue about it. Not. The end of time was coming and you just…wanted to spend the rest of them in his arms.

Someone's arms that your heart cried out never to leave.

And just like in past reality - even if you didn't know it - you would follow Five Hargreeves to hell if he asked you to.

And, this time, he asked.

"You can kiss me?" Your voice came out as a whisper, and you thought you saw him catch his breath.

Five didn't wait for a new invitation. He didn't wait for any more signs. His warm hands cupped your cheeks, his body leaned into yours and his mouth finally, finally, captured yours.

It was like living a miracle.

Hargreeves kissed you like you were the only thing that mattered in the world. He kissed you like sky was going to collapse tomorrow and hell was finally coming for him. His tongue curled around yours in a sensual, needy waltz as their hearts beat in time and their souls touched once more.

“I’ve waited for this moment for a long time.” His voice sighed against your swollen lips, still sensitive from the kisses.

Your hands came up to Five's shoulders and tangled in the dark hair at the back of his neck, sinking your mouth once more to his, as if it was impossible to stay away now that you tasted him. The environment took on a more reddish air, smelling of passion and need, the air had a tone of paradise and all of this was felt by both of you. The mouths now danced with more precision, the hands roamed the bodies and the troubled feelings clouded the reality outside that room.

But if Luther and Sloane were getting married, why couldn't you and Five get lost in the same seething madness?

It was the end of the world. And you would spend together.

His body pressed against you, and the heat of his ample chest on youe sensitive breasts made a heavy sigh escape your lips.

"You don't know how much I missed your sounds." His voice was muffled by the kisses that trailed down your neck, marking your sensitive skin with red prints and burning desires.

You didn't notice when you pushed his suit off his long arms, or when you helped him with his tie. When you found yourself, that maddening body was on top of you, glued to you, running his hands down your thighs as he drowned his mouth on your lips. The body-to-body contact was too much, too much for the arousal that was rising to alarming levels, too much for the sensuality the climate adopted. His fingers gripped you with possession, and you knew you'd find a print of his fingerprints as he gripped your thighs more tightly.

The hem of your blue dress had already bunched up around your waist, and you shifted your hips toward his pelvis, earning a loud groan in return and a hard bite to your bottom lip. His shirt was the third piece of clothing to get out of the way, and the sight of Five unbuttoning the white fabric was a show that made your pussy ache with desire.

You needed him. Just like he needed you.

“Can you help me with this zipper?”

Five flashed a sly smile that accentuated his dangerous features, giving you one last hard kiss as he knelt between your legs. His long hands flipped you onto your stomach in just one motion, pulling your hips up and pressing the cock covered in your soaked panties, drawing a loud groan from you as he pulled the zipper down your back. The piece of black fabric and the bra dropped to the floor along with the other pieces, and Five turned you onto your back once more as he returned with the deep kisses.

There was an endless list of positions he wanted to fuck you in, but right here, in this moment, Hargreeves just wanted full skin-to-skin, chest-to-chest, mouth-to-mouth contact as he entered you. Five needed to make sure, once again, that you weren't just a figment of his imagination. And physically feeling you, completely, was the only thing that partially soothed him.

He lowered his pants and underwear just enough for his cock to pop out. Thick, bloated and needy. Your  panties were pushed to the side, and Five couldn't wait another single second to fully enter you.

“Fucking hell” It was his groan against your mouth, as your drenched walls sobbed around him.

"You are too big." You whimpered in a whiny voice, your hips working to swallow him and trying to pull away at the same time.

“But you take so well.” His voice was broken, and Five bit your shoulder as he reached your end, slamming into the mouth of your cervix and drawing a loud groan from you.

Your head fell back, your nails dug into his back and your legs spread even wider in a pathetic attempt to swallow him without squeezing too hard.

“Tell me what you like.” It was a mixture of request and order, a sentence lost in half sentences.

"I like. I like it, I like it.” You repeated frantically, afraid he would stop.

“Thank God” was the only whisper you heard before he pulled most of his cock out and slammed into you harder. Again. And again. "Your pussy won't let go of me." he moaned against your skin. “God, you're still fucking perfect.”

You wish you had said something too, something that showed you were loving it as much as he did, something that expressed that he was perfect too, something that said you wanted him to be yours forever. But you couldn't, because Five picked up the pace and he beat relentlessly at that point that made you scream out loud. His long arms encircled your waist while your around his neck. There wasn't a single piece of skin that wasn't touching, and the only distance between the two of you was his cock moving in and out of your weeping pussy.

His name took the form of loud screams and moans, with the sound of bodies colliding and spreading across the hotel.

“You’d better be quiet or everyone’s going to know what a naughty little slut you are.” 

If you weren't already on edge, that dirty phrase would have done the job. You came in a burst of color, and your sensitivity was assailed by the hot, thick jets of cum that Hargreeves filled your pussy shortly thereafter. His cum continued for a few more seconds, and you felt your womb starting to fill with all the white load.

“Holy shit.” Five bit your neck, tightening his arms around you and pushing his cock even deeper, trying to force his way through whatever barrier was holding him back.

His new moan came breathy and hoarse, and you whimpered that he was still trying to push himself as deep inside you as possible, as if he wanted to mark any part of you as his. He seemed to want to make sure his cum had entered your womb, because his movements continued to try to push the white load even deeper. You brought him into a broken kiss, panting and slow, following his movements with your hips and holding back from giving him everything he wanted.

The breaths of two of you were starting to calm down, but your firm grip on Five's body made it clear that you didn't want him to leave you. And he wouldn't, even if the world ended now.

‘'How did I think I could live without you?'’ His confession made you laugh, your hands caressing the back of his neck as you sought his lips for another kiss.

“You’re not going to leave me alone, are you?” you said.

His eyes met yours, and the topic was no longer about sex or desire or need.

It was about staying. Together.

“Not.” This time, Five wouldn't abandon you. He would do it differently this time.

And he was thinking about that when he running his hand over your sweaty face, looked at you deeply as he said. “I promised to love you forever.” he never told you he loved you in the past, and this time he wouldn't make the same mistakes.

Five Hargreeves would stand by you until the end of time. Because forever is his whenever he is whit you.

[in-her-shadow-if]

In Her Shadow - An Arthurian Interactive Fiction (inspired by but very loosely based)

Tag List for Asks

Content Warning: This game will be rated 18+ for violence, mature language, death, optional sexual content, and possibly other things I haven't added yet. So, adults only.

You are the sibling of Guinevere. Yes, that one - the one married to King Arthur of Camelot. But you are not loved like your sister. While she has only ever been kind toward you (under false pretenses), the rest of your family and those at your family’s court have not. 

For you have only ever lived in her shadow… 

When your father disowns you and throws you out, your sister invites you to Camelot. But you soon realize that Camelot is not the sanctuary you believed, as war is brewing with the Saxons. 

What role will you play? A warrior, diplomat, or spy? Or, perhaps, you only want to survive. 

While in Camelot, you’ll have the opportunity to build relationships with various characters and decide how the war plays out.

Demo: TBD - probably not for a while! or it will be quite short at first. This is just a little side project and I don't want it to affect my other project.

Features:

Play as male, female, or non-binary;

Choose appearance, pronouns, and your personal creed;

Choose the reason your father disowns you;

Build relationships with various characters (platonic, romantic, familial). Or break relationships.

Decide whether you want to be a warrior, diplomat, or spy. Whether you care about your duties or only appear to care will be up to you.

The following characters can be romanced, befriended, or ???

Arthur Pendragon - The King

27 years old | he/him | male 

Arthur is your sister’s husband and the King of Camelot. He’s intelligent and protective of those he cares for. But he’s wary of most and getting close to him is not easy. He has to make some tough decisions. Will you encourage brutality to protect Camelot or insist there’s another way?

Lancelot du Lac - The Revered Knight

29 years old | he/him | male

Lancelot is a revered Knight of the Round Table and a dear friend to Arthur. He is fiercely loyal to Arthur and Camelot. This one has a temper and is ready and willing to drive his sword into those who would stand in Arthur’s way.

Merlin Emrys - The Court Enchanter

30 years old | xe/xem | non-binary

Merlin is the court enchanter. Sometimes a mentor to Morgana, other times their rival. Depends on the day. Xe prefers studying the arcane as opposed to dinner parties and dances.

Kay Ectorius - The Saxon Knight

24 years old | she/her | female

Kay is a friend to Arthur and a Knight of the round table. Although born a Saxon, she has long severed ties to her old life and considers Camelot and its court her home. She looks up to Lancelot and hopes to prove her abilities and dedication in a similar fashion.

Morgana le Fay - The Enchantress

23 years old | she/they | female

Morgana is Arthur’s half-sister and also the lover of Queen Guinevere, your sister. They are a powerful enchantress focused on keeping Camelot and those they care for safe.

Guinevere - The Queen 

26 years old | she/her | female

Guinevere is your sister and is married to Arthur. Although she views Arthur as a friend, and he views her the same way, their marriage is nothing more than that. She is only attracted to women and her lover is Morgana. Unless you decide to change that…

Bran Leodegrance - Your Father and King of Cameliard

Bran is your father, but he’s always kept you at an arm's length. Growing up, you watched as he showered your sister in affection and care, while you were pushed to the side. Perhaps it’s because your mother died giving birth to you. You’re not sure because he’s only ever spoken to you or acknowledged you when absolutely necessary.

[heroes-of-olympus-next-gen]

This isn't a baby shower

Events that took place during Annabeth's baby shower.

Annabeth never thought that she would form a friendship with Rachel Elizabeth Dare. At one point in her life, she was her mortal enemy as she had managed to catch Percy’s attention. And for her 15-year-old self that was a crime punishable with death. But for her 27-year-old self, Rachel was one of her closest friend, living in the same city and all that.

“Rachel, I don’t want a baby shower.” Annabeth insisted on the phone.

“It isn’t a baby shower. It’s more like a gathering where we can all give you our gifts for your babies and spend time with you.”

“That’s pretty much the definition of a baby shower last time I checked.”

“Annabeth.” Rachel said in a more serious tone.

“Rachel.” She replied. “I’m 26 weeks pregnant with two babies that enjoy kicking me day and night. A party is the last thing I need right now. I don’t have the energy for it.”

“You’re glowing!” She insisted.

“I don’t feel like it.”

“I’ll take care of everything. I promise. I can invite anyone you want. Consider it my present to you.” Her friend pleaded her.

Annabeth thought about it for a moment. Percy had also subtly mentioned how he wanted to throw a party before their babies came along with family and friends. But he knew how she felt, so he wouldn’t say anything to her. “Fine. We’ll organize a party.”

The gathering was more fun than Annabeth expected. Rachel did as she promised. No cheesy games or dumb décor. Just friends and family all together before Annabeth gave birth. She was in a good mood when deciding who to invite. She even included her father and stepbrothers. Her stepmother didn’t join them as she was ‘sick’ and didn’t want to risk making Annabeth feel ‘unwell’.

Percy was overlooking everyone from afar. He was mostly focused on Annabeth who was laughing over her conversation with Katie and Malcolm. Thalia slid next to him leaning against the wall. He was a bit surprised that she actually managed to come. She had been absent in the past few years, that he didn’t count her in most events anymore. “I’m excited to see you changing a lot of dirty diapers in the near future.” She teased him.

He leaned on the wall next to his friend. “Annabeth and I ARE going to have a hell of a lot of diapers to change. I’m sure you’ll enjoy yourself.”

“If I hear that Annabeth changed a single diaper, you’ll never hear the end of it.” Thalia told him.

“Is this a threat?”

“Yes.” She replied with a threating look.

“Okay.” Percy laughed. “We aren’t going to have an issue. I wasn’t planning on letting Annabeth change diapers. She’ll push them out. I’ll do my part with my parts.”

“Good. I still have a tiny bit of faith in the male gender.” Thalia cleared her throat and looked at his side. Then she did something even more unexpected. She hugged him. “I’m happy for the two of you. You deserve peace. Your kids will be lucky to have you as their father.”

“You think I’ll make a good father?”

“Definitely. You’re a better man than our fathers were. Or will ever be. Which says a lot as they are immortal.” She paused and took a breath. “I know that I never give you any credit, but you’re a great guy. I just want you to show the old fuckers how great fathers are supposed to be.”

Thalia’s expression said it all. They both had a hard time growing up. Thalia a little harder as she wasn’t lucky enough to have a good mortal parent. She had joined the hunt to make sure that she would always feel the rush and be part of a pack. Of a sisterhood. Percy respected her a lot. And her saying, and actually meaning it, that she believed that he would be a great father, meant a lot for him.

He was afraid of becoming a father and bringing life into the world. He was blind. He didn’t have a clue on how he was supposed to raise someone else. He didn’t have a great fatherly figure, someone to imitate or give him advice. His father was stuck being a Greek deity. His ex-stepfather used to beat him up. Kicked and punched him. Abused him verbally and made him feel like a zero. That was how he grew up. And for the longest time he believed what Gabe was saying to him.

But Paul came into his mother’s life and changed his perspective on different points of life. His current stepfather was always praising and supporting him. Although he was sixteen when he married his mother, he never excluded him from the family. Percy felt like Paul was actually proud of him and was the only normal father he had in his life. After telling him and Sally that Annabeth was pregnant, he sat down with him and reassured him that everything would be alright, and that he would be right there for anything he needed. That talk alone reassured Percy that things would work out in the end.

“I will be. But you’re forgetting something.”

“What?”

“My kids will also have a killer aunt.”

“Who’ll always let them know how lame their dad was younger.”

“I wasn’t lame. I was really cool actually.”

“I have evidence that show otherwise.” She stated. She looked over at Annabeth and then back to Percy. “I’ve been thinking of showing up more often. If that’s okay with you and Annabeth.”

“Works just fine with me.” He smiled.

“Don’t look at me like that.” She warned him, her brows scrunching together.

“Like what?”

“You know how you look with that stupid smirk on your face.” She spatted. “You want me to say it? I’ll say it. You and Annabeth are the only family I’ve got left. And I want to be around your kids. Although someday they’ll be older than me.” She slowed down at the last part.

“Does that bother you?”

“Not at all. I’m having the time of my life in the hunt. I love the rush and the feeling of being infinite.”

“There was a time when you were older than me.” He grinned at the thought of it.

“I hope your kids don’t get the sense of humour you think you have.” She rolled her eyes at him.

[spageddie-os]

Little One

CG!Eddie Munson x Little!Reader

SFW INTERACTIONS ONLY!

Warnings: Parents fighting, Bigspace but only for a few paragraphs, Mentions of drugs (weed, alcohol)

Summary: Y/N's parents won't stop fighting, Eddie takes care of them and instantly puts them in a smaller headspace.

This was written for my very lovely little one, I love you more than anything sweetheart.

This is my first fanfiction so please don’t be mean

     The fighting and loud screaming lasted for hours, it went on for so long you began to lose track of how long it had actually been going on for. You don’t remember what started the fight, you doubt their parents even remember either. 

     You tossed and turned in your bed desperate for any shut eye you could get to escape from the loud noises that came from the living room. You wanted to run away and hide in the chest of your boyfriend, but you refused to call him or go to his trailer considering it was extremely late and he was most likely asleep. He needed his sleep, and you weren’t going to bother him.

A few more hours pass and you were still awake, listening to the muffled argument your parents were still having. You looked over at your alarm clock which read, 6:27. You couldn’t believe this had gone on all night, at least you could see Eddie now.

You slowly opened your window, trying to not make any noise, and climbed outside. You ran as fast as you absolutely could until you got to Eddie’s trailer door. You paused, wondering if he was busy and contemplating bothering him. As you were lost in your train of thought the door was opened by the messy haired brunette.

“Y/N? What are you doing here? Are you alright sweetheart?” Eddie questioned with worry traced in his calming voice.

The petname he used immediately made you slip into a smaller state of mind. Your hands found themselves wrapped around Eddie’s torso, gripping onto his Hellfire shirt for dear life. Eddie’s worry began to increase when you started shaking and crying, not sure what to do he led to to the couch that reeked of weed and alcohol and sat you down. To most people they would have gagged at the smell of the whole trailer, but to you it smelled comforting. 

Eddie wrapped a blanket over your shaking body and sat next to you, placing his hand on the small of your back. You tried to talk but the only thing that managed to come out of your mouth was shaky whispers and whines that Eddie couldn’t understand no matter how hard he tried. Then it suddenly hit him with what was going on.

“Are you feeling small puppy?” He softly questioned as he rubbed your cheek lovingly.

You sat there, not wanting to answer him, but your wide glassy eyes told him that you were in fact feeling small. He quickly got up and started digging through the kitchen cabinets until he found your small F/C bottle. He filled it up with milk and put it in the microwave for exactly 30 seconds, then added a tiny bit of vanilla and sugar just the way you like it. Then he ran to his room to search for your paci and your favorite stuffed animal that he got for you on your birthday last year.

After retrieving the items he was looking for he gave you your stuffed animal and moved you so your head could rest on his lap comfortably. When you both got comfortable, he began to bottle feed you. It was something he insisted on every time and you would always argue with him telling him you were a big kid and could do it yourself, but secretly you wanted him to hold the bottle for you. This time you were too exhausted to protest.

When you finished your bottle your eyes began to shut. When Eddie knew you were fully asleep, he gently picked your sleeping body and set you on his bed. He got your special F/C blanket out from under his bed and laid it on top of you. He made sure you were comfortable before carefully laying down next to you.

“I love you, little one.” He whispered before shutting his eyes and drifting off to sleep.

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

SCHOOL SHOTINGS ARE INCREDIBLY RARE

Contrary to what the media would have you believe, school shootings are very, very rare. If you take all the school shootings in the US since the 1970s, there have only been roughly 1,400. Compare that to the number of murders per year in the US, which from 1990-2020 has fluctuated between nearly 25,000 and as low as 14,319. But wait, you say. 1,400 is still a really big number! No, it's not. We have 330 million people living in the US. 72 million of those are children. But wait, you say again. How can you compare the number of shootings to the number of children? You need to compare the number of children killed by school shootings! Ok. Let's do that, then.

In 2020 there were 72 million children in the US according to the US census. According to the K-12 school shooting database, during that year there were 27 children killed in school shootings. That's 27, out of 72 million. But wait, you say yet again. You're just cherrypicking the year 2020 because most kids were out of school for most oft he year because of covid! If you pick a year when school was in session all year, that number will shoot up! Well, I picked 2020 because that was the census year, but you're right. Let's go back to the school shooting database again and look at 2018, which is the year where the highest number of children was killed in a school shooting in American history. And there were...51 children killed. For contrast, let's look at how many children die from choking to death. In 1968 there were 719 deaths from children choking; in 2017, there were 184. Even when choking deaths among children have decreased by 75% since the same time the school shooting database has started tracking shootings, and even though school shooting deaths have gone up since 1970 (they've also gone down, and up, and down again, there's no real trend to how many shootings or deaths there are) there has never been a year where more children have been killed in a school shooting than have choked to death. You'll find the same with every single other common cause of death in the US, if you want to go look at the numbers further.

So, now that we've proven that deaths from a school shooting aren't just uncommon, they're rare, let's go back to the incidents themselves. 1,400 is still a big number, right? It's a scary number out of context. How could we have had 1,400 school shootings since 1970?

The answer lies not in gun culture, or in violent rhetoric online, or in the rise of "white supremacy", or in QAnon dark web message boards. The answer is mostly in the criteria for what counts as a school shooting. For that, let's go to the school shooting database itself. I'll just screenshot the front page for you:

Please read that carefully.

...when a gun is brandished, is fired, or a bullet hits school property for any reason regardless of the number of victims, time of day, or day of the week. What that means is that if there are no kids in school and someone shoots a gun and the bullet hits the grass at an empty school, that counts as a school shooting. If a kid brings a gun to school and shoots no one, that counts as a school shooting.

For context on that, let's take 2022. In 2022 there have been 138 shootings that count as school shootings. My God, you say, that's nearly one every three days! Our children are in constant danger!

Not exactly. Out of those 138 incidents, only two involved active shooters. What does an "active shooter" mean? Let's once again let the school shooting database tell us:

So, to summarize, in 2022, despite the official number of school shootings being 138, only two of them resulted in deaths or injuries. Two. And you can look through the data for every year on the database and you'll see similar results. The total number of school shootings is always higher than the number of shootings with an active shooter. But when the media reports on the numbers, they don't make this distinction. They report the numbers as if every incident results in dead children, because the media is lying to you about pretty much everything. They have an agenda to push, and they'll push it regardless of the facts. And the facts are that school shootings are very rare. The facts are that defensive gun use of any kind far outstrips harm caused by guns. Guns are a net positive. They're how we defend ourselves and our families from anyone who would try to do us harm or violate our rights, from a criminal breaking into our homes to the government rounding us up and shipping us off to concentration camps. Don't let the media and the government scare you into demanding your rights be taken away. Your children are safe at school. From guns, at least. But sexual abuse at schools is a whole other topic.

[turnpage]

send me a ✐ for a random sentence starter from my muse (1-1500) — tw: profanity, mild nsfw, long list

generator here quotes compiled from here inspired by

feel free to change to fit your preferences as need.

❨1❩ ❛ They are dreams, but I’m too out of control, I lose myself in them, and I’ve already lost too much to let them take over. ❜
 ❨2❩ ❛ Sometimes human places create inhuman monsters. ❜ ❨3❩ ❛ I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just going to bash your brains in. ❜ ❨4❩ ❛ Monsters are real. Ghosts are too. They live inside of us, and sometimes, they win. ❜ ❨5❩ ❛ The world's a hard place. It doesn't care. It doesn't hate you and me, but it doesn't love us, either. ❜ ❨6❩ ❛ The tears that heal are also the tears that scald and scourge. ❜ ❨7❩ ❛ Pull your act together and just go on. ❜ ❨8❩ ❛ I had never dreamed there could be so much pain in a life when there is nothing physically wrong. I hurt all the time. ❜ ❨9❩ ❛ Tough old world, baby. If you're not bolted together tightly, you're gonna shake, rattle, and roll before you turn thirty. ❜ ❨10❩ ❛ Are you sure self-pity is a luxury you can afford? ❜ ❨11❩ ❛ Truth comes out. In the end it always comes out. ❜ ❨12❩ ❛ Living by your wits is always knowing where the wasps are. ❜ ❨13❩ ❛ No matter where you go, the same asshole gets off the plane. ❜ ❨14❩ ❛ We sometimes need to create unreal monsters and bogies to stand in for all the things we fear in our real lives. ❜ ❨15❩ ❛ That’s your job in this hard world, to keep your love alive and see that you get on, no matter what. ❜ ❨16❩ ❛ Human nature, baby. Grab it and growl. ❜ ❨17❩ ❛ God wiped snot out of his nose and that was you. ❜ ❨18❩ ❛ Run away. Quick. And remember how much I love you. ❜ ❨19❩ ❛ How many times, over how many years, have I—a grown adult—asked for the mercy of another chance? ❜ ❨20❩ ❛ I was suddenly so sick of myself, so revolted. ❜ ❨21❩ ❛ You listen to me. I’m going to talk to you about it this once and never again this same way. ❜ ❨22❩ ❛ But those pieces, they’ll never fit just the same way again. Never in this world. ❜ ❨23❩ ❛ Dying is a part of living. You have to keep tuning in to that if you expect to be a whole person. ❜ ❨24❩ ❛ Officious little prick. ❜ ❨25❩ ❛ I’ve been sleepwalking again, my dear. — The plants are moving under the rug. ❜ ❨26❩ ❛ How I wish you were fear. ❜ ❨27❩ ❛ But it was a dreadful kind of curiosity, the kind that makes you peek through your fingers during the scariest parts of a scary movie. ❜ ❨28❩ ❛ All we have is time, you know. An eternity of time. Or shall we end it? Might as well. After all, we're missing the party. ❜ ❨29❩ ❛ We all remember our pleasant dreams more clearly than the scary ones. ❜ ❨30❩ ❛ The way things should be and the way things are hardly ever get together. ❜ ❨31❩ ❛ Got to be regular if you want to be happy. ❜ ❨32❩ ❛ But in a solitary life, there are rare moments when another soul dips near yours, as stars once a year brush the earth. ❜ ❨33❩ ❛ He showed me his scars, and in return he let me pretend that I had none. ❜ ❨34❩ ❛ Humbling women seems to me a chief pastime of poets. As if there can be no story unless we crawl and weep. ❜ ❨35❩ ❛ It is a common saying that women are delicate creatures, flowers, eggs, anything that may be crushed in a moment's carelessness.  ❜ ❨36❩ ❛ If I had ever believed it, I no longer do. ❜ ❨37❩ ❛ I thought once that gods are the opposite of death, but I see now they are more dead than anything, for they are unchanging, and can hold nothing in their hands. ❜ ❨38❩ ❛ I cannot bear this world a moment longer. ❜ ❨39❩ ❛ I have a better idea. I will do as I please. ❜ ❨40❩ ❛ All my life has been murk and depths, but I am not a part of that dark water. I am a creature within it. ❜ ❨41❩ ❛ You cannot know how frightened gods are of pain. There is nothing more foreign to them, and so nothing they ache more deeply to see. ❜ ❨42❩ ❛ When we are young, we think ourselves the first to have each feeling in the world. ❜ ❨43❩ ❛ When I was born, the word for what I was did not exist. ❜ ❨44❩ ❛ But perhaps no parent can truly see their child. When we look we see only the mirror of our own faults. ❜ ❨45❩ ❛ I will not be like a bird bred in a cage, too dull to fly even when the door stands open. ❜ ❨46❩ ❛ This is what it means to swim in the tide, to walk the earth and feel it touch your feet. This is what it means to be alive. ❜ ❨47❩ ❛ You threw me to the crows, but it turns out I prefer them to you. ❜ ❨48❩ ❛ Yet because I knew nothing, nothing was beneath me. ❜ ❨49❩ ❛ If now I am wise, it is only because I have been fool enough for a hundred lifetimes. ❜ ❨50❩ ❛ You can teach a viper to eat from your hands, but you cannot take away how much it likes to bite. ❜ ❨51❩ ❛ Give me the blade. Some things are worth spilling blood for. ❜ ❨52❩ ❛ I have been old and stern for so long, carved with regrets and years like a monolith. But that is only a shape I’ve been poured into. I do not have to keep it. ❜ ❨53❩ ❛ I wake sometimes in the dark terrified by my life's precariousness, its thready breath. ❜ ❨54❩ ❛ Understanding the world is a matter of keeping very still and showing no emotions, leaving room for others to reveal themselves. ❜ ❨55❩ ❛ Beneath the smooth, familiar face of things is another that waits to tear the world in two. ❜ ❨56❩ ❛ The truth is, men make terrible pigs. ❜ ❨57❩ ❛ My father has never been able to imagine the world without himself in it. ❜ ❨58❩ ❛ This is the grief that makes our kind choose to be stones and trees rather than flesh. ❜ ❨59❩ ❛ Witches are not so delicate. ❜ ❨60❩ ❛ Those who fight against prophecy only draw it more tightly around their throats. ❜ ❨61❩ ❛ I learned that I could bend the world to my will, as a bow is bent for an arrow. I would have done that toil a thousand times to keep such power in my hands. ❜ ❨62❩ ❛ There's the story, then there's the real story, then there's the story of how the story came to be told. Then there's what you leave out of the story. Which is part of the story too. ❜ ❨63❩ ❛ The best way of being kind to bears is not to be very close to them. ❜ ❨64❩ ❛ Life is warped. I'm just in sync. ❜ ❨65❩ ❛ Now it's a whisper from the past. ❜ ❨66❩ ❛ But hatred and viciousness are addictive. You can get high on them. Once you've had a little, you start shaking if you don't get more. ❜ ❨67❩ ❛ Why is it always such a surprise? The moon. Even though we know it's coming. Every time we see it, it makes us pause, and hush. ❜ ❨68❩ ❛ Perfection exacts a price, but it's the imperfect who pay it. ❜ ❨69❩ ❛ What is 'belief' but a willingness to suspend the negatives?  ❜ ❨70❩ ❛ I have scars, inside me. ❜ ❨71❩ ❛ The dead are not entirely dead but are alive in a different way; a paler way admittedly, and somewhat darker. ❜ ❨72❩ ❛ However dark, a darkness with voices in it is better than a silent void. ❜ ❨73❩ ❛ Amazing how quickly the past becomes idyllic. ❜ ❨74❩ ❛ It is another way of saying tough luck. To people you aren’t going to help out. ❜ ❨75❩ ❛ I'm waiting, far off in the future. ❜ ❨76�� ❛ The only sure camouflage is unpredictability. ❜ ❨77❩ ❛ There are so many of them, and each one of them is doing part of the killing, whether they know it or not. ❜ ❨78❩ ❛ First rule: limit bloodshed by making sure that none of your own gets spilled. ❜ ❨79❩ ❛ I long to swim in liquid moonlight. ❜ ❨80❩ ❛ That's right, I don’t like to be summoned on trivial matters. ❜ ❨81❩ ❛ The part that really made me happy was that you wanted me to be happy. ❜ ❨82❩ ❛ Cut that part out of us: the grinning, elemental malice. Begin us anew. ❜ ❨83❩ ❛ Where there are wars, there will be crows, the carrion-fanciers. And ravens too, the warbirds, the eyeball gourmands. And vultures, the holy birds of yore, old connoisseurs of rot. ❜ ❨84❩ ❛ At last. It's you. ❜ ❨85❩ ❛ No, you will not be cooked on a fire when you die. Because you are not a fish. ❜ ❨86❩ ❛ Take what the moment offers. Don’t close doors. Be thankful. ❜ ❨87❩ ❛ How many others have stood in this place? Left behind, with all gone, all swept away. ❜ ❨88❩ ❛ Is it disapproval or extreme lust? With some men it’s hard to tell the difference. ❜ ❨89❩ ❛ My hair was driving me crazy, but then … I died. ❜ ❨90❩ ❛ Seek and ye shall find, eventually. And you found. You’re right, I don’t dispute that. Sorry. ❜ ❨91❩ ❛ Everything digests, and is digested. ❜ ❨92❩ ❛ My head was once a filing cabinet. Now it’s a flurry of papers, floating on a draft. ❜ ❨93❩ ❛ You cannot keep bumping your head against reality and saying it is not there. ❜ ❨94❩ ❛ I have a feeling that inside you somewhere, there’s something nobody knows about. ❜ ❨95❩ ❛ And if I don’t want to die, I’ve got to start living. ❜ ❨96❩ ❛ The world is a beautiful place. Don’t forget that. And don’t miss it. ❜ ❨97❩ ❛ I was fighting for my life. So I must not want to die. ❜ ❨98❩ ❛ Something’s happening to me, through me, something dangerous and new. ❜ ❨99❩ ❛ It’s taken root, a poison tree; it’s grown, fanning out, vines winding round my gut, my lungs, my heart. ❜ ❨100❩ ❛ We’re interpreters. We’re translators. ❜ ❨101❩ ❛ You’ll notice I’m not asking what made you this way. ❜ ❨102❩ ❛ No family, happy or unhappy, is quite like any other. Tolstoy was chock-fullo’shit. Remember that. ❜ ❨103❩ ❛ We lived in monochrome those nights. ❜ ❨104❩ ❛ You live in a dream. You’re a sleepwalker, blind. How do you know what the world is like? ❜ ❨105❩ ❛ Do you know, if you rip off the fronts of houses, you’d find swine? ❜ ❨106❩ ❛ I stand here in the dark: cold, utterly alone, full of fear and something that feels like longing. ❜ ❨107❩ ❛ The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results. ❜ ❨108❩ ❛ Not to warm the flesh, but solely to please the eye. ❜ ❨109❩ ❛ Selective emotional detachment. ❜ ❨110❩ ❛ Not for me, or at least not today. ❜ ❨111❩ ❛ Dead but not gone, watching life surge forward around me, powerless to intervene. ❜ ❨112❩ ❛ Do I sound like a hillbilly saying that? ❜ ❨113❩ ❛ Remember, you’ve got your secret weapon. ❜ ❨114❩ ❛ The dream drains away like water. The memory, really. I try to scoop it up in my palms, but it’s gone. ❜ ❨115❩ ❛ My shadow stretches along the carpet, as though trying to detach itself from me. ❜ ❨116❩ ❛ It curls away from me, like blood in water. ❜ ❨117❩ ❛ It’s been so long since I felt the rain. Or wind—the caress of wind. ❜ ❨118❩ ❛ But snow I never want to feel again. ❜ ❨119❩ ❛ Through adversity to the stars. ❜ ❨120❩ ❛ No hero. No sleuth. I am locked in. I am locked out. ❜ ❨121❩ ❛ Thinking hasn't gotten me anywhere so far. ❜ ❨122❩ ❛ The face you give the world tells the world how to treat you. ❜ ❨123❩ ❛ Sometimes I think illness sits inside every woman, waiting for the right moment to bloom. ❜ ❨124❩ ❛ Women get consumed. ❜ ❨125❩ ❛ Sometimes if you let people do things to you, you're really doing it to them. ❜ ❨126❩ ❛ A child weaned on poison considers harm a comfort. ❜ ❨127❩ ❛ Safer to be feared than loved. ❜ ❨128❩ ❛ I ached once, hard, like a period typed at the end of a sentence. ❜ ❨129❩ ❛ It's impossible to compete with the dead. I wish I could stop trying. ❜ ❨130❩ ❛ I always feel sad for the girl that I was. ❜ ❨131❩ ❛ Every time people said I was pretty, I thought of everything ugly swarming beneath my clothes. ❜ ❨132❩ ❛ How do you keep safe when your whole day is as wide and empty as the sky? Anything could happen. ❜ ❨133❩ ❛ See, there I am. I told you I lived. I told you I was. ❜ ❨134❩ ❛ Sometimes I think I won't ever feel safe until I can count my last days on one hand. ❜ ❨135❩ ❛ To refuse has so many more consequences than submitting. ❜ ❨136❩ ❛ I'm here. I don't usually feel that I am. ❜ ❨137❩ ❛ I'm tired of dying. ❜ ❨138❩ ❛ What if you hurt because it feels so good? ❜ ❨139❩ ❛ How confusing to live in the shadow of a shadow. ❜ ❨140❩ ❛ Do you ever feel like bad things are going to happen, and you can’t stop them? You can’t do anything, you just have to wait? ❜ ❨141❩ ❛ Sometimes my scars have a mind of their own. ❜ ❨142❩ ❛ Everyone has their own version of a memory. ❜ ❨143❩ ❛ Isn’t a smile a girl’s best weapon? ❜ ❨144❩ ❛ My sense of weightlessness, I think, comes from the fact that I know so little about my past. ❜ ❨145❩ ❛ Do what I want; I might like you. ❜ ❨146❩ ❛ I feel sorry for Persephone because even when she’s back with the living, people are afraid of her because of where’s she’s been. ❜ ❨147❩ ❛ She has never told me she loved me, and I never assumed she did. ❜ ❨148❩ ❛ The sight of it actually does something to you, makes you less human. ❜ ❨149❩ ❛ It infects you. It ruined me. ❜ ❨150❩ ❛ Your health is not a debt you just cancel. The body collects. ❜ ❨151❩ ❛ Men love to put things inside women, don’t they? ❜ ❨152❩ ❛ We can know only that we know nothing. And that is the highest degree of human wisdom. ❜ ❨153❩ ❛ Nothing is so necessary for a young man as the company of intelligent women. ❜ ❨154❩ ❛ The strongest of all warriors are these two — time and patience. ❜ ❨155❩ ❛ If everyone fought for their own convictions there would be no war. ❜ ❨156❩ ❛ There is no greatness where there is not simplicity, goodness, and truth. ❜ ❨157❩ ❛ The whole world is divided for me into two parts: one is she, and there is all happiness, hope, light; the other is where she is not, and there is dejection and darkness. ❜ ❨158❩ ❛ Let the dead bury the dead, but while I'm alive, I must live and be happy. ❜ ❨159❩ ❛ It's not given to people to judge what's right or wrong. People have eternally been mistaken and will be mistaken, and in nothing more than in what they consider right and wrong. ❜ ❨160❩ ❛ You can love a person dear to you with a human love, but an enemy can only be loved with divine love. ❜ ❨161❩ ❛ If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, then all possibility of life is destroyed. ❜ ❨162❩ ❛ We are asleep until we fall in love! ❜ ❨163❩ ❛ I simply want to live; to cause no evil to anyone but myself. ❜ ❨164❩ ❛ Everything I know, I know because of love. ❜ ❨165❩ ❛ Man cannot possess anything as long as he fears death. But to him who does not fear it, everything belongs. ❜ ❨166❩ ❛ If there was no suffering, man would not know his limits, would not know himself. ❜ ❨167❩ ❛ Yes, love, but not the love that loves for something, to gain something, or because of something, but that love that I felt for the first time, when dying, I saw my enemy and yet loved him. ❜ ❨168❩ ❛ How can one be well...when one suffers morally? ❜ ❨169❩ ❛ Kings are the slaves of history. ❜ ❨170❩ ❛ God is the same everywhere. ❜ ❨171❩ ❛ Pure and complete sorrow is as impossible as pure and complete joy. ❜ ❨172❩ ❛ One must be cunning and wicked in this world. ❜ ❨173❩ ❛ We love people not so much for the good they've done us, as for the good we've done them. ❜ ❨174❩ ❛ When one's head is gone one doesn't weep over one's hair! ❜ ❨175❩ ❛ For what, for whom, must I kill and be killed? ❜ ❨176❩ ❛ He did what heroes do after their work is accomplished; he died. ❜ ❨177❩ ❛ Life is too long to say anything definitely; always say perhaps. ❜ ❨178❩ ❛ Everything ends in death, everything. Death is terrible. ❜ ❨179❩ ❛ The distant and impossible suddenly became near, possible, and inevitable. ❜ ❨180❩ ❛ How often we sin, how much we deceive, and all for what? ❜ ❨181❩ ❛ The wolves should be fed and the sheep kept safe. ❜ ❨182❩ ❛ When I was a child, adults would tell me not to make things up, warning me of what would happen if I did. ❜ ❨183❩ ❛ My memory is a patchwork of occurrences, of discontinuous events roughly sewn together: the parts I remember, I remember precisely, whilst other sections seem to have vanished completely. ❜ ❨184❩ ❛ Would it be worse to love someone who is no longer there, or not to love someone who is? ❜ ❨185❩ ❛ Like mirrors stories prepare us for the day to come. They distract us from the things in darkness. ❜ ❨186❩ ❛ It is not that I was credulous, simply that I believed in all things dark and dangerous. ❜ ❨187❩ ❛ Sometimes you do things you regret, but there's nothing you can do about them. Times change. Doors close behind you. You move on. ❜ ❨188❩ ❛ Love will be an impulse that will inspire and ruin in equal measure. ❜ ❨189❩ ❛ He died alone. It don't matter a rat's ass whether there was anyone with him or not. He died alone. ❜ ❨190❩ ❛ It was love, I knew, and it tasted like champagne in my mind. ❜ ❨191❩ ❛ The end of the world is a strange concept. The world is always ending, and the end is always being averted, by love or foolishness or just plain old dumb luck. ❜ ❨192❩ ❛ She was my dream; and if you touch a dream it vanishes, like a soap bubble. ❜ ❨193❩ ❛ Daylight is always safe. ❜ ❨194❩ ❛ If not for death, they'd be content to simply exist, but with death, well, their lives will have meaning. ❜ ❨195❩ ❛ You want to know the future, love? Then wait. ❜ ❨196❩ ❛ There are things in the darkness beneath us that wish us harm. ❜ ❨197❩ ❛ Fairy tales are more than true. Not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be defeated ❜ ❨198❩ ❛ But sometimes you leave blood on your instruments. ❜ ❨199❩ ❛ I'd like to be a wolf. Not all the time. Just sometimes. In the dark. I would run through the forests. ❜ ❨200❩ ❛ You've seen them. They have mouths that twitch, and eyes that stare, and they babble and they mewl and they whimper. ❜ ❨201❩ ❛ They are not mad, or rather, the loss of their sanity is the lesser of their problems. ❜ ❨202❩ ❛ Good a reason for writing as I know: releasing demons, letting them fly. ❜ ❨203❩ ❛ That miserable state in which everything seems flat and of equal importance; when nothing matters, and in which reality seems scraped thin and threadbare. ❜ ❨204❩ ❛ Someone had scrawled graffiti in black marker on the metal: JUST DIE, it said. Like it is easy. ❜ ❨205❩ ❛ Winter started today. The sky turned grey and the snow began to fall and it did not stop falling until well after dark. ❜ ❨206❩ ❛ Memory is the great deceiver. ❜ ❨207❩ ❛ Silly things do cease to be silly if they are done by sensible people in an impudent way. ❜ ❨208❩ ❛ I may have lost my heart, but not my self-control.  ❜ ❨209❩ ❛ If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. ❜ ❨210❩ ❛ I always deserve the best treatment because I never put up with any other. ❜ ❨211❩ ❛ But you know what I am. You hear nothing but truth from me. ❜ ❨212❩ ❛ I have blamed you, and lectured you, and you have borne it as no other would have borne it. ❜ ❨213❩ ❛ There are people, who the more you do for them, the less they will do for themselves. ❜ ❨214❩ ❛ One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other. ❜ ❨215❩ ❛ Better be without sense than misapply it as you do. ❜ ❨216❩ ❛ You must be the best judge of your own happiness. ❜ ❨217❩ ❛ Were I to fall in love, indeed, it would be a different thing ; but I have never been in love ; it is not my way, or my nature ; and I do not think I ever shall. ❜ ❨218❩ ❛ Indeed, I am very sorry to be right in this instance. I would much rather have been merry than wise. ❜ ❨219❩ ❛ If I have not spoken, it is because I am afraid I will awaken myself from this dream. ❜ ❨220❩ ❛ If a woman doubts as to whether she should accept a man or not, she certainly ought to refuse him. ❜ ❨221❩ ❛ Faultless in spite of all her faults. ❜ ❨222❩ ❛ A heroine whom no one but myself will much like. ❜ ❨223❩ ❛ There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart. ❜ ❨224❩ ❛ Full many a flower is born to blush unseen, and waste its fragrance on the desert air. ❜ ❨225❩ ❛ I pity you. I thought you cleverer. ❜ ❨226❩ ❛ Evil to some is always good to others. ❜ ❨227❩ ❛ I certainly will not persuade myself to feel more than I do. ❜ ❨228❩ ❛ She is loveliness itself. ❜ ❨229❩ ❛ Time does not compose me. ❜ ❨230❩ ❛ A man always imagines a woman to be ready for anybody who asks her. ❜ ❨231❩ ❛ I do not find myself making any use of the word sacrifice. ❜ ❨232❩ ❛ I am quite enough in love. I should be sorry to be any more. ❜ ❨233❩ ❛ I must tell you what you will not ask, though I may wish it unsaid the next moment. ❜ ❨234❩ ❛ I examined my own heart. And there you were. Never, I fear, to be removed. ❜ ❨235❩ ❛ With all your little faults, you are an excellent creature. ❜ ❨236❩ ❛ You have another long walk before you. ❜ ❨237❩ ❛ The child's laughter is pure until he first laughs at a clown. ❜ ❨238❩ ❛ What is marriage but prostitution to one man instead of many? ❜ ❨239❩ ❛ Out of the frying pan into the fire! ❜ ❨240❩ ❛ We must all make do with the rags of love we find flapping on the scarecrow of humanity. ❜ ❨241❩ ❛ She sleeps. And now she wakes each day a little less. ❜ ❨242❩ ❛ And, oh, God . . . how frequently I weep! ❜ ❨243❩ ❛ From the coffin of your madness there is no escape. ❜ ❨244❩ ❛ I am feeling supernatural tonight. I want to eat diamonds. ❜ ❨245❩ ❛ All the same there is a chance that if we keep on shaking our chains, one day, some day, the clasps upon the shackles will part. ❜ ❨246❩ ❛ It was sad music fit to make you cut your throat. ❜ ❨247❩ ❛ Nothing is more boring than being forced to play. ❜ ❨248❩ ❛ Amongst the monsters, I am well hidden; who looks for a leaf in a forest? ❜ ❨249❩ ❛ Wherein does a woman’s honour reside? In her vagina or in her spirit? ❜ ❨250❩ ❛ Perhaps...I could not be content with mere contentment! ❜ ❨251❩ ❛ Have you ever stared stark failure in the face? The trick is to outstare it. ❜ ❨252❩ ❛ Sometimes it seems that the faces exist of themselves, in a disembodied somewhere, waiting for the one who will wear them, who will bring them to life. ❜ ❨253❩ ❛ I have the febrile gaiety of a being without a past, without a present, yet I exist. ❜ ❨254❩ ❛ I felt myself turning, willy-nilly, from a woman into an idea. ❜ ❨255❩ ❛ She looks wonderful, but she doesn't look right. ❜ ❨256❩ ❛ The one-eyed man will be King in the country of the blind. ❜ ❨257❩ ❛ I raised you up to fly to the heavens, not to brood over a clutch of eggs! ❜ ❨258❩ ❛ I love to hear my bones rattle. That’s how I know I’m alive. ❜ ❨259❩ ❛ I learnt, first, as the birds do, from the birds. ❜ ❨260❩ ❛ Inside and outside match exactly, but both are badly wrong. ❜ ❨261❩ ❛ During the less-than-blink of time it took the last chime to die, there came a vertiginous sensation. ❜ ❨262❩ ❛ I fear a wound not of the body but the soul, an irreconcilable division between myself and the rest of humankind. ❜ ❨263❩ ❛ I fear the proof of my own singularity. ❜ ❨264❩ ❛ Still nothing could calm the fearful storm in my erupting skin. ❜ ❨265❩ ❛ Petersburg, loveliest of all hallucinations. ❜ ❨266❩ ❛ A breathless second between black forest and the frozen sea. ❜ ❨267❩ ❛ I'm beginning to feel totally cut off from the world. ❜ ❨268❩ ❛ What does this all mean? Where are we? ❜ ❨269❩ ❛ Sometimes I bleed. ❜ ❨270❩ ❛ If you see a ghost, you say "hello". ❜ ❨271❩ ❛ The war is not over. ❜ ❨272❩ ❛ You're not going. You left us once already. ❜ ❨273❩ ❛ You can’t go! ❜ ❨274❩ ❛ I loved you, but that wasn't enough, was it? ❜ ❨275❩ ❛ If you're dead, then leave me in peace. ❜ ❨276❩ ❛ The only thing that moves here is the light, but it changes everything. ❜ ❨277❩ ❛ I won't ask for forgiveness for something I didn't do! ❜ ❨278❩ ❛ Sometimes the world of the living gets mixed up with the world of the dead. ❜ ❨279❩ ❛ Death of a loved one can lead people to do the strangest things. ❜ ❨280❩ ❛ Sooner or later, they will find you. ❜ ❨281❩ ❛ They're everywhere - they say this house is theirs. ❜ ❨282❩ ❛ You're always teasing me, and telling lies. I'm sick of it. ❜ ❨283❩ ❛ Others will come. Sometimes we'll sense them. Other times, we won't. ❜ ❨284❩ ❛ No crying now. No crying. Stop that. Here. Look what an awful face you've got when you cry. ❜ ❨285❩ ❛ You listen to me. I've seen them too. ❜ ❨286❩ ❛ You'll see. There are going to be some big surprises. There are going to be... changes. ❜ ❨287❩ ❛ Why did you go and fight that stupid war that had nothing to do with us? Why didn't you stay like the others did? ❜ ❨288❩ ❛ Your place was here with your family. ❜ ❨289❩ ❛ So you say you know this house well? ❜ ❨290❩ ❛ I wasn't expecting you so soon. ❜ ❨291❩ ❛ What's the matter? Has the cat got your tongue? ❜ ❨292❩ ❛ You mean they just vanished? Into thin air? ❜ ❨293❩ ❛ No door must be opened without the previous one being closed first. ❜ ❨294❩ ❛ Here, most of the time, you can hardly see your way. ❜ ❨295❩ ❛ Whatever you do, don't open the curtains. ❜ ❨296❩ ❛ Now, come on. Eyes closed. ❜ ❨297❩ ❛ We start off with high hopes, then we bottle it. We realise that we’re all going to die, without really finding out the big answers. ❜ ❨298❩ ❛ By definition, you have to live until you die. Better to make that life as complete and enjoyable an experience as possible, in case death is shite, which I suspect it will be. ❜ ❨299❩ ❛ I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin’ else. ❜ ❨300❩ ❛ And the reasons? There are no reasons. ❜ ❨301❩ ❛ Love does not exist, it's like religion, made to control you. ❜ ❨302❩ ❛ After all, we're not fucking stupid. At least, we're not that fucking stupid. ❜ ❨303❩ ❛ You fucking knew that fucking cunt would fuck some cunt. ❜ ❨304❩ ❛ Everything in the street today seems soft focus. ❜ ❨305❩ ❛ What does that make us? The lowest of the low. ❜ ❨306❩ ❛ Take your best orgasm, multiply the feeling by twenty, and you're still fuckin’ miles off the pace. ❜ ❨307❩ ❛ It’s as if everything is a copy of what you knew before, similar, yet somehow lacking in its usual qualities, a bit like the way things are in a dream. ❜ ❨308❩ ❛ It’s all okay, it’s all beautiful; but I fear that this internal sea is going to subside soon, leaving this poisonous shite washed up, stranded up in my body. ❜ ❨309❩ ❛ It cuts me up. It confuses me. ❜ ❨310❩ ❛ It's not funny laughter. This is lynch mob laughter. ❜ ❨311❩ ❛ Protect me from those who wish to help us. ❜ ❨312❩ ❛ They mean well, and they mean well to me, but there's no way under the sun that they can appreciate what I feel, what I need. ❜ ❨313❩ ❛ The pit of melancholy is a bottomless one, and I am descending fast. ❜ ❨314❩ ❛ Living like this is a full-time business. ❜ ❨315❩ ❛ I’ll stand or fall alone. ❜ ❨316❩ ❛ We are no wiser now than at the start. ❜ ❨317❩ ❛ This is pathetic, and fucking boring. ❜ ❨318❩ ❛ Death is usually a process, rather than an event. ❜ ❨319❩ ❛ We're ruled by effete arseholes. What does that make us? ❜ ❨320❩ ❛ We are all acquaintances now. ❜ ❨321❩ ❛ The problem is that this beautiful ocean carries with it loads of poisonous flotsam and jetsam. ❜ ❨322❩ ❛ Life is beautiful. I'm going to enjoy it, and I'm going to have a long life. ❜ ❨323❩ ❛ The grim reality of impending death can be talked away by trying to invest in the present reality of life. ❜ ❨324❩ ❛ There must be more to life than this. ❜ ❨325❩ ❛ We all see what we want to see. ❜ ❨326❩ ❛ Statistically speaking, you're more likely to be killed by a member of your own family or a close friend, than by anyone else. ❜ ❨327❩ ❛ What am I living for and what am I dying for are the same question. ❜ ❨328❩ ❛ Maybe that's what love is: it's being pissed off. ❜ ❨329❩ ❛ You can forget who you are if you're alone too much. ❜ ❨330❩ ❛ Any religion is a shadow of God. But the shadows of God are not God. ❜ ❨331❩ ❛ Human understanding is fallible, and we see through a glass, darkly.  ❜ ❨332❩ ❛ We must be a beacon of hope, because if you tell people there's nothing they can do, they will do worse than nothing. ❜ ❨333❩ ❛ Everyone wants to feel like a princess, and princesses are selfish and overbearing. ❜ ❨334❩ ❛ We shouldn't have been so scornful; we should have had compassion. But compassion takes work, and we were young. ❜ ❨335❩ ❛ How easy it is, treachery. You just slide into it. ❜ ❨336❩ ❛ Amazing how the heart clutches at anything familiar, whimpering: Mine! Mine! ❜ ❨337❩ ❛ All creatures know that some must die ; that all the rest may take and eat. ❜ ❨338❩ ❛ Is this the image of a god? My tooth for yours, your eye for mine? ❜ ❨339❩ ❛ Without the light, no chance; without the dark, no dance. ❜ ❨340❩ ❛ Why are we designed to see the world as supremely beautiful just as we're about to be snuffed? Do rabbits feel the same as the fox teeth bite down on their necks? Is it mercy? ❜ ❨341❩ ❛ Love is useless, it leads you into dumb exchanges in which you give too much away, and then you get bitter and mean. ❜ ❨342❩ ❛ Maybe sadness is a kind of hunger. Maybe the two go together. ❜ ❨343❩ ❛ Now I can see how that can happen. You can fall in love with anybody -- a fool, a criminal, a nothing. There are no good rules. ❜ ❨344❩ ❛ If you really want to stay the same age you are now forever and ever, try jumping off the roof: death's a sure-fire method for stopping time. ❜ ❨345❩ ❛ You couldn’t leave words lying around where our enemies might find them. ❜ ❨346❩ ❛ I'm fine, for the moment. And the moment is the only time we can be fine in. ❜ ❨347❩ ❛ Because if you can't wish, why bother? ❜ ❨348❩ ❛ It's better to hope than mope! ❜ ❨349❩ ❛ Reality has too much darkness in it. Too many crows. ❜ ❨350❩ ❛ In any case, time is not a thing that passes, it’s a sea on which you float. ❜ ❨351❩ ❛ I know I’m deceiving myself, but I prefer to deceive myself. I desperately need to believe such pure joy is still possible. ❜ ❨352❩ ❛ Too much God and you overdose. God needs to be filtered. ❜ ❨353❩ ❛ Behind my eyelids I saw an animal. It was golden colour, with gentle green eyes and canine teeth, and curly wool instead of fur. It opened its mouth, but it did not speak. Instead, it yawned. ❜ ❨354❩ ❛ ‘Why can't I believe?’ I asked the darkness. ❜ ❨355❩ ❛ Everyone’s too sad for everything. ❜ ❨356❩ ❛ If you can’t stop the waves, go sailing. ❜ ❨357❩ ❛ I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only. I would like to be that unnoticed and that necessary. ❜ ❨358❩ ❛ Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them. ❜ ❨359❩ ❛ In the end, we'll all become stories. ❜ ❨360❩ ❛ I am inadequate and stupid, without worth. I might as well be dead. ❜ ❨361❩ ❛ If you knew what was going to happen, if you knew everything that was going to happen next—if you knew in advance the consequences of your own actions—you'd be doomed. You'd be ruined as God. ❜ ❨362❩ ❛ If you can't go through an obstacle, go around it. ❜ ❨363❩ ❛ Stupidity is the same as evil if you judge by the results. ❜ ❨364❩ ❛ Time in dreams is frozen. You can never get away from where you've been. ❜ ❨365❩ ❛ Male fantasies, male fantasies, is everything run by male fantasies? ❜ ❨366❩ ❛ We still think of a powerful man as a born leader and a powerful woman as an anomaly. ❜ ❨367❩ ❛ If I love you, is that a fact or a weapon? ❜ ❨368❩ ❛ You fit into me like a hook into an eye. ❜ ❨369❩ ❛ Knowing too much about other people puts you in their power, they have a claim on you, you are forced to understand their reasons for doing things and then you are weakened. ❜ ❨370❩ ❛ Farewells can be shattering, but returns are surely worse. ❜ ❨371❩ ❛ Women have curious ways of hurting someone else. ❜ ❨372❩ ❛ This is the one song everyone would like to learn: the song that is irresistible: the song that forces men to leap overboard in squadrons. ❜ ❨373❩ ❛ Get rid of death. Make it be spring. ❜ ❨374❩ ❛ You are innocent as a bathtub full of bullets. ❜ ❨375❩ ❛ I am the space you desecrate as you pass through. ❜ ❨376❩ ❛ Favour me and give me riches, destroy my enemies. Save me from death. ❜ ❨377❩ ❛ She is a raw voice loose in the rooms beneath me. ❜ ❨378❩ ❛ Isn't the moon warm enough for you, why do you need the blanket of another body? ❜ ❨379❩ ❛ This is a torch song. Touch me and you'll burn. ❜ ❨380❩ ❛ If you look long enough eventually you will see me. ❜ ❨381❩ ❛ I would like to sleep with you, to enter your sleep as its smooth dark wave slides over my head. ❜ ❨382❩ ❛ I would like to give you the silver branch, the small white flower, the one word that will protect you from the grief. ❜ ❨383❩ ❛ But some people can't tell where it hurts. They can't calm down. They can't ever stop howling. ❜ ❨384❩ ❛ How else can we live, these days, except in the midst of ruin? ❜ ❨385❩ ❛ What am I living for and what am I dying for are the same question. ❜ ❨386❩ ❛ Gods always come in handy, they justify almost anything. ❜ ❨387❩ ❛ We loved with a love that was more than love. ❜ ❨388❩ ❛ Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. ❜ ❨389❩ ❛ The boundaries which divide life from death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends, and where the other begins? ❜ ❨390❩ ❛ There is no exquisite beauty without some strangeness in the proportion. ❜ ❨391❩ ❛ Never to suffer would never to have been blessed. ❜ ❨392❩ ❛ Believe only half of what you see and nothing that you hear. ❜ ❨393❩ ❛ And all I loved, I loved alone. ❜ ❨394❩ ❛ Years of love have been forgot, in the hatred of a minute. ❜ ❨395❩ ❛ The best things in life make you sweaty. ❜ ❨396❩ ❛ There are some secrets which do not permit themselves to be told. ❜ ❨397❩ ❛ Anything is better than this agony. ❜ ❨398❩ ❛ You fancy me mad. ❜ ❨399❩ ❛ I hear all things in the heaven and in the earth. ❜ ❨400❩ ❛ Who dares insult us with this blasphemous mockery? ❜ ❨401❩ ❛ Leave my loneliness unbroken! ❜ ❨402❩ ❛ A more than fiendish malevolence, gin-nurtured, thrills every fibre of my frame. ❜ ❨403❩ ❛ The fury of a demon instantly possessed me. I knew myself no longer. ❜ ❨404❩ ❛ Let my heart be still a moment. ❜ ❨405❩ ❛ You call it hope —  It is but agony of desire. ❜ ❨406❩ ❛ Who has not, a hundred times, found himself committing a vile or silly action for no other reason than because he knows he should not? ❜ ❨407❩ ❛ To die laughing must be the most glorious of all glorious deaths! ❜ ❨408❩ ❛ The beating of a drum stimulates the soldier into courage. ❜ ❨409❩ ❛ Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practise to deceive. ❜ ❨410❩ ❛ I have been happy, though in a dream. ❜ ❨411❩ ❛ Nevermore. ❜ ❨412❩ ❛ The truth is, I am heartily sick of this life. ❜ ❨413❩ ❛ I am convinced that every thing is going wrong. ❜ ❨414❩ ❛ The scariest monsters are the ones that lurk within our souls. ❜ ❨415❩ ❛ And if I died, at least I will have died for you! ❜ ❨416❩ ❛ It is impossible to say how first the idea entered my brain; but once conceived, it haunted me day and night. ❜ ❨417❩ ❛ Hurt and humiliation — But this, I can not take. ❜ ❨418❩ ❛ The walls in there have ears. ❜ ❨419❩ ❛ This is for your ears only. ❜ ❨420❩ ❛ What is it? You have me scared. ❜ ❨421❩ ❛ Whoever isn’t for us, is against us. ❜ ❨422❩ ❛ You are just a body; to be dumped, disposed of like a carcass, left out for the birds to feed on. ❜ ❨423❩ ❛ The dead will have to forgive me. ❜ ❨424❩ ❛ From now on and no matter how your mind may I change, I will not accept your help. ❜ ❨425❩ ❛ If death comes, so be it. There will be glory in it. ❜ ❨426❩ ❛ Live, then; and live with your choice. ❜ ❨427❩ ❛ I am doing what has to be done. ❜ ❨428❩ ❛ Nothing is going to stop the ones that love you from keeping on loving you. ❜ ❨429❩ ❛ Worst is the man who has all the good advice, and then because his nerve fails, fails to act in accordance with it, as a leader should. ❜ ❨430❩ ❛ Only a loony would walk himself into this. ❜ ❨431❩ ❛ Why do you need such fences and defences? ❜ ❨432❩ ❛ Enough. Do not anger me. ❜ ❨433❩ ❛ The gods, you think, will side with the likes of him? ❜ ❨434❩ ❛ Watch it. You are over stepping. ❜ ❨435❩ ❛ I warn you. You should keep a civil tongue. ❜ ❨436❩ ❛ There is no such thing as an oath the can not be broken. ❜ ❨437❩ ❛ Every now and then, the things you’d hardly let yourself imagine, actually happen. ❜ ❨438❩ ❛ And you stand over this? This is the truth? ❜ ❨439❩ ❛ The bigger the resistance, the bigger the collapse. ❜ ❨440❩ ❛ Iron that’s forged the hardest, snaps the quickest. ❜ ❨441❩ ❛ Even the wildest horses come to heel when they are reined & bitted right. ❜ ❨442❩ ❛ That’s how guilt affects some people. They break and everything comes out. ❜ ❨443❩ ❛ Will it be enough for you? To see me executed? ❜ ❨444❩ ❛ So you know something no one else knows? ❜ ❨445❩ ❛ They know it too. They are just too afraid to say it. ❜ ❨446❩ ❛ If you die, how will I keep on living? ❜ ❨447❩ ❛ There was a star riding through clouds one night, & I said to the star, 'Consume me'. ❜ ❨448❩ ❛ How much better to sit by myself like the solitary sea-bird that opens its wings on the stake. ❜ ❨449❩ ❛ Alone, I often fall down into nothingness. I have to bang my head against some hard door to call myself back to the body. ❜ ❨450❩ ❛ I am made and remade continually. Different people draw different words from me. ❜ ❨451❩ ❛ For this moment, this one moment, we are together.  ❜ ❨452❩ ❛ Come, pain, feed on me. Bury your fangs in my flesh. Tear me asunder. ❜ ❨453❩ ❛ I am as neat as a cat in my habits. ❜ ❨454❩ ❛ Everything falls in a tremendous shower, dissolving me. ❜ ❨455❩ ❛ I am the foam that sweeps and fills the uttermost rims of the rocks with whiteness; I am also a girl, here in this room. ❜ ❨456❩ ❛ We are cut, we are fallen. We are become part of that unfeeling universe ❨457❩ that sleeps when we are at our quickest and burns red when we lie ❨458❩ asleep. ❜ ❨459❩ ❛ These moments of escape are not to be despised. They come too seldom. ❜ ❨460❩ ❛ Up here my eyes are green leaves, unseeing. ❜ ❨461❩ ❛ The moment is all; the moment is enough. ❜ ❨462❩ ❛ I do not want to be admired. I want to give, to be given. ❜ ❨463❩ ❛ I am not one and simple, but complex and many. ❜ ❨464❩ ❛ And if you are dead, I shall weep. ❜ ❨465❩ ❛ But beauty must be broken daily to remain beautiful. ❜ ❨466❩ ❛ But our hatred is almost indistinguishable from our love. ❜ ❨467❩ ❛ I desired always to stretch the night and fill it fuller and fuller with dreams. ❜ ❨468❩ ❛ Life is a dream surely. ❜ ❨469❩ ❛ I think sometimes I am not a woman, but the light that falls on this gate, on this ground. I am the seasons, I think sometimes, January, May, November; the mud, the mist, the dawn. ❜ ❨470❩ ❛ Oh, I am in love with life! ❜ ❨471❩ ❛ I have been knotted; I have been torn apart. ❜ ❨472❩ ❛ There was no freedom in life, and certainly there was none in death. ❜ ❨473❩ ❛ I do not know. I do not know myself sometimes, or how to measure and name and count out the grains that make me what I am. ❜ ❨474❩ ❛ I ride rough waters, and shall sink with no one to save me. ❜ ❨475❩ ❛ I am above the earth now. I am no longer upright, to be knocked against and damaged. ❜ ❨476❩ ❛ I see it all. I feel it all. ❜ ❨477❩ ❛ Death is woven in with the violets. Death and again death. ❜ ❨478❩ ❛ We have been walking for hours it seems. But where? I cannot remember. ❜ ❨479❩ ❛ If we were all on trial for our thoughts, we would all be hanged. ❜ ❨480❩ ❛ When you are in the middle of a story it isn't a story at all, but only a confusion; a dark roaring, a blindness, a wreckage of shattered glass. ❜ ❨481❩ ❛ Murderess is a strong word to have attached to you. It has a smell to it, that word; - musky and oppressive, like dead flowers in a vase.  ❜ ❨482❩ ❛ Sometimes at night I whisper it over to myself: Murderess, murderess. It rustles, like a taffeta skirt across the floor. ❜ ❨483❩ ❛ If the world treats you well, you come to believe you are deserving of it. ❜ ❨484❩ ❛ If I am good enough and quiet enough, perhaps after all they will let me go. ❜ ❨485❩ ❛ It’s not easy being quiet and good, it’s like hanging on to the edge of a bridge when you’ve already fallen over; you don’t seem to be moving, just dangling there, and yet it is taking all your strength. ❜ ❨486❩ ❛ There is no fool like an educated fool. ❜ ❨487❩ ❛ There are many dangerous things that may take place in a bed. ❜ ❨488❩ ❛ I am afraid of falling into hopeless despair, over my wasted life, and I am still not sure how it happened. ❜ ❨489❩ ❛ Underneath it all is another feeling, a feeling of being wide-eyed awake and watchful. ❜ ❨490❩ ❛ And underneath all that is another feeling still, a feeling like being torn open; not like a body of flesh, it is not painful as such, but like a peach; and not even torn open, but ripe and splitting open of its own accord.  ❜ ❨491❩ ❛ The small details of life often hide a great significance. ❜ ❨492❩ ❛ Guilt comes to you not from the things you've done, but from the things that others have done to you. ❜ ❨493❩ ❛ I wonder, how can I be all of these different things at once? ❜ ❨494❩ ❛ It is always a mistake to curse back openly at those who are stronger than you unless there is a fence between. ❜ ❨495❩ ❛ Some call this "Eve's curse," but I think that is stupid because the real curse of Eve was having to put up with the nonsense of Adam. ❜ ❨496❩ ❛ I don't know why they are all so eager to be remembered. What good will it do them? There are some things that should be forgotten by everyone, and never spoken of again. ❜ ❨497❩ ❛ I would never blame a human creature for feeling lonely. ❜ ❨498❩ ❛ If they want a monster so badly they ought to be provided by one. ❜ ❨499❩ ❛ It’s as if I never existed, because no trace of me remains, I have left no marks. And that way I cannot be followed. It is almost the same as being innocent. ❜ ❨500❩ ❛ Today you wear your habitual expression of strained anxiety; you smell of violets. ❜ ❨501❩ ❛ Of course you have always been an idealist, and filled with your optimistic dreams; but reality must at some time obtrude. ❜ ❨502❩ ❛ I wonder what would become of me, and comfort myself that in a hundred years I will be dead and at peace. ❜ ❨503❩ ❛ For it is not always the one that strikes the blow that is the actual murderer. ❜ ❨504❩ ❛ There is a “do this” or “do that” with God, but not any “because”. ❜ ❨505❩ ❛ If you have a need and they find it out, they will use it against you. The best way is to stop from wanting anything. ❜ ❨506❩ ❛ They say, why don’t you ever smile or laugh, we never see you smiling, and I say I suppose I have gotten out of the way of it, my face won’t bend in that direction any more. ❜ ❨507❩ ❛ I was shut up inside that doll of myself, and my true voice could not get out. ❜ ❨508❩ ❛ I see what you’re after. You are a collector. You think all you have to do is give me an apple, and then you can collect me. ❜ ❨509❩ ❛ If you want to be an asshole, it's a free country. Millions before you have made the same life choice. ❜ ❨510❩ ❛ Then there's the future. Sheer vertigo. ❜ ❨511❩ ❛ Nature is to zoos as God is to churches. ❜ ❨512❩ ❛ After everything that's happened, how can the world still be so beautiful? ❜ ❨513❩ ❛ There's something to be said for hunger: at least it lets you know you're still alive. ❜ ❨514❩ ❛ These things sneak up on me for no reason, these flashes of irrational happiness. It's probably a vitamin deficiency. ❜ ❨515❩ ❛ Toast cannot be explained by any rational means. Toast is me. I am toast. ❜ ❨516❩ ❛ You can’t buy it, but it has a price. Everything has a price. ❜ ❨517❩ ❛ As a species were doomed by hope, then? You could call it hope. That, or desperation. ❜ ❨518❩ ❛ I am not my childhood. ❜ ❨519❩ ❛ Human beings hope they can stick their souls into someone else and live on forever. ❜ ❨520❩ ❛ “I'll make you mine”, lovers said in old books. They never said, “I'll make you me.” ❜ ❨521❩ ❛ How much is too much, how far is too far? ❜ ❨522❩ ❛ Expectation isn't the same as desire. ❜ ❨523❩ ❛ Why not cut to the chase? ❜ ❨524❩ ❛ Maybe there aren't any solutions. Human society, corpses and rubble. ❜ ❨525❩ ❛ I thought you didn’t believe in God. ❜ ❨526❩ ❛ I need at least the illusion of being understood. ❜ ❨527❩ ❛ What change would have altered the course of events? In the big picture, nothing. In the small picture, so much. ❜ ❨528❩ ❛ You are only looking at the dirt under your feet. It's not good for you. ❜ ❨529❩ ❛ I like to keep only the bright side of myself turned towards you.  ❜ ❨530❩ ❛ Grief in the face of inevitable death. The wish to stop time. The human condition. ❜ ❨531❩ ❛ So many crucial events take place behind people’s backs, when they aren’t in a position to watch: birth and death, for instance. ❜ ❨532❩ ❛ Would you kill someone you loved to spare them pain? ❜ ❨533❩ ❛ When the water’s moving faster than the boat, you can’t control a thing. ❜ ❨534❩ ❛ Don't be so fucking sentimental. ❜ ❨535❩ ❛ Wrong, as usual. ❜ ❨536❩ ❛ Why do you want to talk about ugly things? ❜ ❨537❩ ❛ I understand why serial killers send helpful clues to the police. ❜ ❨538❩ ❛ Take your time, leave mine alone. ❜ ❨539❩ ❛ You will hear thunder and remember me. ❜ ❨540❩ ❛ If you were music, I would listen to you ceaselessly. ❜ ❨541❩ ❛ I seem to myself an accidental guest in this dreadful body. ❜ ❨542❩ ❛ Call me a sinner, mock me maliciously. ❜ ❨543❩ ❛ I, from the very beginning, seemed to myself like someone's dream or delirium. Or a reflection in someone else's mirror. Without flesh, without meaning, without a name. ❜ ❨544❩ ❛ I knew the list of crimes that I was destined to commit. ❜ ❨545❩ ❛ The future ripens in the past, so the past rots in the future. ❜ ❨546❩ ❛ You are untranslatable into any one tongue. ❜ ❨547❩ ❛ I was hoping my silence would fit yours. ❜ ❨548❩ ❛ See, we were never about butterflies. All about us is unearthly and radiant. ❜ ❨549❩ ❛ You do not know just what you've been forgiven. ❜ ❨550❩ ❛ I need to slaughter my memory.  ❜ ❨551❩ ❛ Forgive me that I appeared to you in waking dreams. ❜ ❨552❩ ❛ I will condemn, I will forget, I will give comfort to the enemy. ❜ ❨553❩ ❛ I know beginnings, I know endings too, and life-in-death. ❜ ❨554❩ ❛ Wild honey smells of freedom. But gold smells of nothing. ❜ ❨555❩ ❛ You are three times more beautiful than angels. ❜ ❨556❩ ❛ I will kill you without spilling your blood on the ground, not touching you with my hand, not giving you one glance. ❜ ❨557❩ ❛ You invented me. There is no such earthly being. ❜ ❨558❩ ❛ You’re late. Way too late. I’m glad to see you, nonetheless. ❜ ❨559❩ ❛ Forgive me that I felt forsaken. Forgive me that I kept mistaking too many others for you. ❜ ❨560❩ ❛ Real tenderness can’t be confused, it’s quiet and can’t be heard. ❜ ❨561❩ ❛ What else lived in that house besides us? ❜ ❨562❩ ❛ How unhappy we are together! ❜ ❨563❩ ❛ I defend not my voice, but my silence. ❜ ❨564❩ ❛ Without love, I'm more at ease, I'm sure. ❜ ❨565❩ ❛ I've got no more tears or explanations. ❜ ❨566❩ ❛ I’m not complaining. Happiness is not for me. ❜ ❨567❩ ❛ Are you not the only tie between good and evil, earthly pits and paradise? ❜ ❨568❩ ❛ In the morning we shall find out who has died in the night. ❜ ❨569❩ ❛ I was not a lovable child, and I've grown into a deeply unlovable adult. ❜ ❨570❩ ❛ The truly frightening flaw in humanity is our capacity for cruelty - we all have it. ❜ ❨571❩ ❛ I have a meanness inside me, real as an organ. Slit me at my belly and it might slide out, meaty and dark. ❜ ❨572❩ ❛ I am not angry or sad or happy to see you. I could not give a shit. You don't even ripple. ❜ ❨573❩ ❛ I was raised feral, and I mostly stayed that way. ❜ ❨574❩ ❛ I can feel a better version of me somewhere in there - hidden behind a liver or attached to a bit of spleen. But the meanness usually wins out. ❜ ❨575❩ ❛ I felt something loosen in me, that shouldn't have loosened. A stitch come undone. ❜ ❨576❩ ❛ Everyone who keeps a secret, itches to tell it. ❜ ❨577❩ ❛ Coffee goes great with sudden death. ❜ ❨578❩ ❛ I should just listen to my gut and then do the opposite. ❜ ❨579❩ ❛ “Smile, it can't be that bad!” Yeah, actually, it can, jackwad. ❜ ❨580❩ ❛ Everything bad in the world already did happen. ❜ ❨581❩ ❛ You’re going to find peace? Like knowing is somehow going to fix you? ❜ ❨582❩ ❛ Instead of asking yourself what happened, just accept that it happened. ❜ ❨583❩ ❛ Homesick for a place I've never been. ❜ ❨584❩ ❛ Worries find you easily enough without inviting them. ❜ ❨585❩ ❛ It is always consoling to think of suicide. It's what gets one through many a bad night. ❜ ❨586❩ ❛ Do you understand this is serious? ❜ ❨587❩ ❛ Sometimes it feels good to fuck with something. Instead of always being fucked with. ❜ ❨588❩ ❛ How could you kill something you cared enough to name? ❜ ❨589❩ ❛ Draw a picture of my soul, and it’d be a scribble with fangs. ❜ ❨590❩ ❛ We have the same chemicals in our blood: shame, anger, greed. Unjustified nostalgia. ❜ ❨591❩ ❛ I appreciate a straightforward apology the way a tone-deaf person enjoys a fine piece of music. ❜ ❨592❩ ❛ The phrase fuck you may not rest on the tip of my tongue, but it’s near. Midtongue. ❜ ❨593❩ ❛ Nothing to it but to do it. ❜ ❨594❩ ❛ There are a lot of people who deserve a lesson, deserve to really understand, that nothing comes easy, that most things are going to go sour. ❜ ❨595❩ ❛ If ifs and buts were candies and nuts we’d all have a very Merry Christmas. ❜ ❨596❩ ❛ Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. ❜ ❨597❩ ❛ What does it do to a girl who knows her mother is a murderer? ❜ ❨598❩ ❛ That mean old bitch across the street bit it. ❜ ❨599❩ ❛ Survival is a talent. ❜ ❨600❩ ❛ Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It’s you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever. ❜ ❨601❩ ❛ Who has the courage to burn themselves? ❜ ❨602❩ ❛ Is insanity just a matter of dropping the act? ❜ ❨603❩ ❛ Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? ❜ ❨604❩ ❛ You need to be well fed, clothed, and housed to have time for this much self-pity. ❜ ❨605❩ ❛ When I am supposed to be awake, I am asleep; when I am supposed to speak, I am silent. When a pleasure offers itself to me, I avoid it. ❜ ❨606❩ ❛ There is thought, and then there is thinking about thoughts, and they don't feel the same. ❜ ❨607❩ ❛ In a strange way we are free. We've reached the end of the line. We have nothing more to lose. ❜ ❨608❩ ❛ The world won’t stop because we aren’t in it anymore. ❜ ❨609❩ ❛ I can't answer the real question. All I can tell you is, it's easy. ❜ ❨610❩ ❛ I am lighter, airier than I’ve been in years. ❜ ❨611❩ ❛ I am not dead, yet something in me definitely is. ❜ ❨612❩ ❛ You meant that as an insult but I am taking it as a compliment. ❜ ❨613❩ ❛ What life can recover from that? ❜ ❨614❩ ❛ It's a fairly accurate portrait of me. It's accurate but it isn't profound. ❜ ❨615❩ ❛ Pull yourself together! There's nothing wrong with you. ❜ ❨616❩ ❛ It's quiet. It's like― I don't know. It's like falling off a cliff. ❜ ❨617❩ ❛ Once you start parsing a face, it's a peculiar item: squishy, pointy, with lots of air vents and wet spots. ❜ ❨618❩ ❛ I lost him. I did it on purpose. ❜ ❨619❩ ❛ It’s a mean world. There’s nobody to take care of you out there. ❜ ❨620❩ ❛ Reality is getting too dense. ❜ ❨621❩ ❛ I'm ambivalent. In fact that's my new favourite word. ❜ ❨622❩ ❛ I can't come up with reassuring answers to the terrible questions you raise. ❜ ❨623❩ ❛ A spring day, the sort that gives people hope: all soft winds and delicate smells of warm earth. Suicide weather. ❜ ❨624❩ ❛ Twenty-five chocolate chip cookies would be the perfect dinner. ❜ ❨625❩ ❛ A thought is a hard thing to control. ❜ ❨626❩ ❛ Life demands skills I don’t have. ❜ ❨627❩ ❛ Light like this does not exist, but we wish it did. We wish the sun could make us young and beautiful. Most of all, we wish that everyone we knew could be brightened simply by our looking at them. ❜ ❨628❩ ❛ It never stops, even at night, it’s my lullaby. ❜ ❨629❩ ❛ Love blurs your vision; but after it recedes, you can see more clearly than ever. ❜ ❨630❩ ❛ This is the kind of thing you see if you sit in the darkness with open eyes. ❜ ❨631❩ ❛ I have done something wrong, something so huge I can't even see it, something that's drowning me. ❜ ❨632❩ ❛ Whatever is happening to me is my own fault. ❜ ❨633❩ ❛ Hatred is easier. Hatred is clear, metallic, one-handed, unwavering; unlike love. ❜ ❨634❩ ❛ Potential has a shelf life. ❜ ❨635❩ ❛ Don’t move. Stay like that, let me have that. ❜ ❨636❩ ❛ I have come to the edge, of the land. I could get pushed over. ❜ ❨637❩ ❛ Never pray for justice, because you might get some. ❜ ❨638❩ ❛ It disturbs me to learn I have hurt someone unintentionally. I want all my hurts to be intentional. ❜ ❨639❩ ❛ We have been shark to one another, but also lifeboat. That counts for something. ❜ ❨640❩ ❛ This is what I miss, not something that’s gone, but something that will never happen. ❜ ❨641❩ ❛ I am not good. I know too much to be good. I know myself. I know myself to be vengeful, greedy, secretive and sly. ❜ ❨642❩ ❛ You are amazing. Amazing and agonising and almost lethal. ❜ ❨643❩ ❛ In my dreams of this city I am always lost. ❜ ❨644❩ ❛ I don't know where these feelings have come from, I don’t know what I've done. ❜ ❨645❩ ❛ I am not the centre of your story, you are.  ❜ ❨646❩ ❛ I’m mad because you’re an asshole. ❜ ❨647❩ ❛ It's enormously pleasing to me, walking away. It's like being able to make people appear and vanish, at will. ❜ ❨648❩ ❛ There is never only one of anyone. ❜ ❨649❩ ❛ I can't do this without feeling I'm acting. ❜ ❨650❩ ❛ I am prepared for almost anything; except absence, except silence. ❜ ❨651❩ ❛ I’m losing my appetite for strangers. ❜ ❨652❩ ❛ You wear your cravings on the outside, like the suckers on a squid. You want it all. ❜ ❨653❩ ❛ Knowing too much about other people weakens you. You are forced to understand their reasons for doing things. ❜ ❨654❩ ❛ I have lost confidence: perhaps all I will ever be is what I am now. ❜ ❨655❩ ❛ Echoes of light, shining out of the midst of nothing. It's old light, and there's not much of it. But it's enough to see by. ❜ ❨656❩ ❛ Whoever cares the most will lose. ❜ ❨657❩ ❛ Young women need unfairness, it’s one of their few defences.  ❜ ❨658❩ ❛ Time has gone on without you. ❜ ❨659❩ ❛ Don't let the bastards grind you down. ❜ ❨660❩ ❛ Who can remember pain, once it’s over? Pain marks you, but too deep to see. Out of sight, out of mind. ❜ ❨661❩ ❛ Better never means better for everyone. It always means worse, for some. ❜ ❨662❩ ❛ There is more than one kind of freedom. Freedom to and freedom from. ❜ ❨663❩ ❛ Remember that forgiveness too is a power. ❜ ❨664❩ ❛ I am not your justification for existence. ❜ ❨665❩ ❛ I want to be valued, in ways that I am not; I want to be more than valuable. ❜ ❨666❩ ❛ If it's a story I'm telling, then I have control over the ending. ❜ ❨667❩ ❛ All you have to do is keep your mouth shut and look stupid. It shouldn't be that hard. ❜ ❨668❩ ❛ Truly amazing, what people can get used to, as long as there are a few compensations. ❜ ❨669❩ ❛ I want everything back, the way it was. ❜ ❨670❩ ❛ You can't help what you feel, but you can help how you behave. ❜ ❨671❩ ❛ Nothing changes instantaneously: in a gradually heating bathtub you'd be boiled to death before you knew it. ❜ ❨672❩ ❛ To want is to have a weakness. ❜ ❨673❩ ❛ There isn't even an enemy you could put your finger on. ❜ ❨674❩ ❛ The past is a great darkness, filled with echoes. ❜ ❨675❩ ❛ Ordinary is what you are used to. This may not seem ordinary to you now, but after a time it will. It will become ordinary. ❜ ❨676❩ ❛ I wish this story were different. I wish it were more civilised. I wish it showed me in a better light. ❜ ❨677❩ ❛ The night is mine, my own time, to do with it as I will, as long as I am quiet. As long as I don't move. As long as I lie still. ❜ ❨678❩ ❛ By telling you anything at all I'm at least believing in you. ❜ ❨679❩ ❛ Whatever is silenced will clamour to be heard. ❜ ❨680❩ ❛ Don't worry about forgiving me right now. There are more important things. ❜ ❨681❩ ❛ Keep the others safe. Don't let them suffer too much. If they have to die, let it be fast. ❜ ❨682❩ ❛ The body is so easily damaged, so easily disposed of, water and chemicals is all it is, hardly more to it than a jellyfish, drying on sand. ❜ ❨683❩ ❛ The world is full of weapons if you're looking for them. ❜ ❨684❩ ❛ Nobody's heart is perfect. ❜ ❨685❩ ❛ One false move and I'm dead. ❜ ❨686❩ ❛ Watch out. I've got my eye on you. ❜ ❨687❩ ❛ Fear is a powerful stimulant. ❜ ❨688❩ ❛ I couldn't afford to lose you. ❜ ❨689❩ ❛ Name one hero who was happy. ---- You can’t. ❜ ❨690❩ ❛ I feel like I could eat the world raw. ❜ ❨691❩ ❛ We are like gods at the dawning of the world. ❜ ❨692❩ ❛ I could recognise him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world. ❜ ❨693❩ ❛ There are no bargains between lion and men. I will kill you and eat you raw. ❜ ❨694❩ ❛ You can use a spear as a walking stick, but that will not change its nature. ❜ ❨695❩ ❛ He is a weapon, a killer. Do not forget it. ❜ ❨696❩ ❛ Some men gain glory after they die, others fade. ❜ ❨697❩ ❛ I am made of memories. ❜ ❨698❩ ❛ Will you come with me? ❜ ❨699❩ ❛ I wish I had let you all die. ❜ ❨700❩ ❛ It is right to seek peace for the dead. You and I both know there is no peace for those who live after. ❜ ❨701❩ ❛ Bury us. Let us be free. ❜ ❨702❩ ❛ Go. He waits for you. ❜ ❨703❩ ❛ Nothing could eclipse the stain of this dirty, mortal mediocrity. ❜ ❨704❩ ❛ I know I have told you of this. ❜ ❨705❩ ❛ I don't know how you remember them all. I swear they look the same to me. ❜ ❨706❩ ❛ Perhaps you should get some new stories, so I don’t fucking kill myself of boredom. ❜ ❨707❩ ❛ I yearn for the darkness and silence of the underworld, where I can rest. ❜ ❨708❩ ❛ There is no honour in betraying your friends. ❜ ❨709❩ ❛ There is no answer. Whichever you choose, you are wrong. ❜ ❨710❩ ❛ Divine blood flows differently. ❜ ❨711❩ ❛ How is there glory in taking life? We die so easily. ❜ ❨712❩ ❛ This is what I will miss, I think. I will kill myself rather than miss it. ❜ ❨713❩ ❛ How long do we have? ❜ ❨714❩ ❛ Do you think we fight hopeless wars? ❜ ❨715❩ ❛ There is no law that gods must be fair. ❜ ❨716❩ ❛ I do not fear ridicule. I never have. ❜ ❨717❩ ❛ You were always better with words than I. ❜ ❨718❩ ❛ Who can be ashamed to lose to such beauty? ❜ ❨719❩ ❛ When you see beauty in desolation it changes something inside you. ❜ ❨720❩ ❛ That's how the madness of the world tries to colonise you: from the outside in, forcing you to live in its reality. ❜ ❨721❩ ❛ The shadows of the abyss are like the petals of a monstrous flower that shall blossom within the skull and expand the mind beyond what any man can bear. ❜ ❨722❩ ❛ Silence creates violence. ❜ ❨723❩ ❛ Some questions will ruin you if you are denied the answer long enough. ❜ ❨724❩ ❛ There are certain kinds of connections that are so deep that when broken you feel the snap of it inside you. ❜ ❨725❩ ❛ Nothing that ever lived and breathed was truly objective—even in a vacuum, even if all that possessed the brain was a self-immolating desire for the truth. ❜ ❨726❩ ❛ We all live in a kind of continuous dream. ❜ ❨727❩ ❛ You can either waste time worrying about a death that might not come or concentrate on what’s left to you. ❜ ❨728❩ ❛ What can you do when your five senses are not enough? ❜ ❨729❩ ❛ We will neither be what we had been nor what we would become once we reach our destination. ❜ ❨730❩ ❛ Perhaps my only real expertise, my only talent, is to endure beyond the endurable. ❜ ❨731❩ ❛ When you are too close to the centre of a mystery there is no way to pull back. ❜ ❨732❩ ❛ I long ago stopped believing in promises. Biological imperatives, yes. Environmental factors, yes. Promises, no. ❜ ❨733❩ ❛ I look not for shooting stars but for fixed ones, and I try to imagine what kind of life lives in those celestial tidal pools so far from us. ❜ ❨734❩ ❛ I hesitated for just a moment. Some part of me wanted to see the creature, I think. If so, it was a very small part. I ran. ❜ ❨735❩ ❛ I don’t require any of this to have a deeper meaning. ❜ ❨736❩ ❛ All of this speculation is incomplete, inexact, inaccurate, useless. ❜ ❨737❩ ❛ We don’t have real answers, because we still don’t know what questions to ask. Our instruments are useless, our methodology broken, our motivations selfish. ❜ ❨738❩ ❛ This part I will do alone. Don’t follow. ❜ ❨739❩ ❛ People my entire life have told me I am too much in control, but that has never been the case. I have never truly been in control. ❜ ❨740❩ ❛ Has there always been someone like me to bury the bodies, to have regrets, to carry on after everyone else was dead? ❜ ❨741❩ ❛ I loved them, but I didn’t need them, and I thought that was the way it was supposed to be. ❜ ❨742❩ ❛ Places can impress themselves upon me, and I can become part of them with ease. ❜ ❨743❩ ❛ There is no one with me. I am all by myself. ❜ ❨744❩ ❛ Pretending often leads to becoming a reasonable facsimile of what you mimic. ❜ ❨745❩ ❛ I think you're confusing suicide with self-destruction, and they're very different. Almost none of us commit suicide, whereas almost all of us self-destruct. ❜ ❨746❩ ❛ What did you eat? You had rations for only two weeks. You were there for nearly four months. ❜ ❨747❩ ❛ Something here is making giant waves in the gene pool. ❜ ❨748❩ ❛ I need to know what’s inside. ❜ ❨749❩ ❛ These aren't decisions. They're impulses ❜ ❨750❩ ❛ What do you think I do when you’re away? Do you think I’m out in the garden pinning, looking up at the sky? ❜ ❨751❩ ❛ If I know what’s happened I can save their life. ❜ ❨752❩ ❛ They either went crazy or something in here killed them. ❜ ❨753❩ ❛ Something is coming through the fence! ❜ ❨754❩ ❛ Nothing is written in the stars. Not these stars, nor any others. No one controls your destiny. ❜ ❨755❩ ❛ People who claim that they're evil are usually no worse than the rest of us. ❜ ❨756❩ ❛ Happy endings are still endings. ❜ ❨757❩ ❛ We believe in all sorts of things that aren't true; -- we call it history. ❜ ❨758❩ ❛ Does the devil ever struggle to be good again, or if so is he not a devil? ❜ ❨759❩ ❛ In the lives of children, pumpkins turn into coaches, mice and rats turn into men. When we grow up, we realise it is far more common for men to turn into rats. ❜ ❨760❩ ❛ Girls need cold anger. They need the cold simmer, the ceaseless grudge, the talent to avoid forgiveness, the side stepping of compromise.  ❜ ❨761❩ ❛ Love makes hunters of us all. ❜ ❨762❩ ❛ There is much to hate in this world and way too much to love. ❜ ❨763❩ ❛ You confuse not speaking with not listening. ❜ ❨764❩ ❛ As long as people are going to call you a lunatic anyway, why not get the benefit of it? It liberates you from convention. ❜ ❨765❩ ❛ The eye is always caught by light, but shadows have more to say. ❜ ❨766❩ ❛ Not everyone is born a witch or a saint. Not everyone is born talented, or crooked, or blessed; some are born definite in no particular at all. ❜ ❨767❩ ❛ We are a fountain of shimmering contradictions, most of us. ❜ ❨768❩ ❛ The wickedness of men is that their power breeds stupidity and blindness. ❜ ❨769❩ ❛ I know you don't want to hear this but someone has to say it! You are out of control! ❜ ❨770❩ ❛ Even at the very worst - there is always choice. ❜ ❨771❩ ❛ Maybe the definition of home is the place where you are never forgiven. So you may always belong there, bound by guilt. And maybe the cost of belonging is worth it. ❜ ❨772❩ ❛ Cross a man and you struggle, one of you wins, you adjust and go on -- or you lie there dead. Cross a woman and the entire universe is changed. ❜ ❨773❩ ❛ That was such a wonderful time, even in its strangeness and sadness. Life isn't the same now. It's wonderful, but it isn't the same. ❜ ❨774❩ ❛ I don't care for approval, and I don't mind doing without. ❜ ❨775❩ ❛ It's where I live. A permanent state of bereavement. This is nothing new. ❜ ❨776❩ ❛ Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. Always the godfather, never the god. ❜ ❨777❩ ❛ The world unwraps itself to you, again and again as soon as you are ready to see it anew. ❜ ❨778❩ ❛ Evil is an act, not an appetite. Everyone has the appetite. If you give in to it, that act is evil. The appetite is normal. ❜ ❨779❩ ❛ How many haven't wanted to slash the throat of some boor across the dining room table?  ❜ ❨780❩ ❛ Even God used silence as a strategy. ❜ ❨781❩ ❛ I learned failure early and mastered it. ❜ ❨782❩ ❛ It isn't whether you do it well or ill, it's that you do it all. ❜ ❨783❩ ❛ This is why you shouldn't fall in love, it blinds you. Love is a very wicked distraction. ❜ ❨784❩ ❛ Wisdom is not the understanding of mystery. Wisdom is accepting that mystery is beyond understanding. That's what makes it mystery. ❜ ❨785❩ ❛ Wrong takes an awful long time to be proven, in my experience. ❜ ❨786❩ ❛ Such brightness, as you know, decays brilliantly. ❜ ❨787❩ ❛ I take responsibility only for the future, not the past. The past can't hurt you the way the future can. ❜ ❨788❩ ❛ Tell me to mind my own business, tell me to go fuck myself, to piss off, go on, say it, but don’t tell me nothing’s wrong. ❜ ❨789❩ ❛ The truth isn't a thing of fact or reason. It is simply what everyone agrees on. ❜ ❨790❩ ❛ One can't make peace with another by force. ❜ ❨791❩ ❛ I am a forgettable leaf on a tree. ❜ ❨792❩ ❛ That's all I want; --- to do no harm. ❜ ❨793❩ ❛ I only believe in the opposite of luck, whatever that is. ❜ ❨794❩ ❛ Human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves. ❜ ❨795❩ ❛ You’re too young to know that the heart's memory eliminates the bad and magnifies the good, and thanks to that we manage to endure the burden of the past. ❜ ❨796❩ ❛ Love, no matter what else it might be, is a natural talent. You are either born knowing how, or you never know. ❜ ❨797❩ ❛ Whatever you do, you will be sorry all the rest of your life. ❜ ❨798❩ ❛ There is no God worth worrying about. ❜ ❨799❩ ❛ The only regret I will have in dying is if it is not for love. ❜ ❨800❩ ❛ Wisdom comes to us when it can no longer do any good. ❜ ❨801❩ ❛ Think of love as a state of grace, not the means to anything, but the very end in itself. ❜ ❨802❩ ❛ Only God knows how much I love you. ❜ ❨803❩ ❛ There is no greater glory than to die for love. ❜ ❨804❩ ❛ Nothing resembles a person as much as the way he dies. ❜ ❨805❩ ❛ Take advantage of it now, while you are young, and suffer all you can, because these things don't last your whole life. ❜ ❨806❩ ❛ Today, when I saw you, I realised that what is between us is nothing more than an illusion. ❜ ❨807❩ ❛ I have waited for this opportunity for more than half a century. ❜ ❨808❩ ❛ I want to be myself again, to recover all that I was obliged to give up. ❜ ❨809❩ ❛ The only thing worse than bad health is a bad name. ❜ ❨810❩ ❛ This soup tastes like windows. ❜ ❨811❩ ❛ Why do you insist on talking about what does not exist? ❜ ❨812❩ ❛ One has to live a long time to know a man's true nature. ❜ ❨813❩ ❛ No, not rich, I am a poor man with money, which is not the same thing. ❜ ❨814❩ ❛ My heart has more rooms than a whorehouse. ❜ ❨815❩ ❛ That may be the reason he does so many things, so that he will not have to think. ❜ ❨816❩ ❛ Love if it exists, is something separate: another life. ❜ ❨817❩ ❛ Things did not go as badly for me as they would for you. ❜ ❨818❩ ❛ There are things you do only for love. ❜ ❨819❩ ❛ I’ll have plenty of time to rest when I die. ❜ ❨820❩ ❛ There is no innocence more dangerous than the innocence of age. ❜ ❨821❩ ❛ You treat me as if I were just anybody. ❜ ❨822❩ ❛ The symptoms of love are the same as those of cholera. ❜ ❨823❩ ❛ There is no law, human or divine, that you have not ignored. ❜ ❨824❩ ❛ Why is it that I feel I've known you so many years? ❜ ❨825❩ ❛ Stuff your eyes with wonder, live as if you'd drop dead in ten seconds. See the world. It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories. ❜ ❨826❩ ❛ It doesn't matter what you do, so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that's like you after you take your hands away. ❜ ❨827❩ ❛ We need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real? ❜ ❨828❩ ❛ There must be something, something we can’t imagine, to make a woman stay in a burning house; there must be something there. You don’t stay for nothing. ❜ ❨829❩ ❛ If you hide your ignorance, no one will hit you and you'll never learn. ❜ ❨830❩ ❛ If you drown, at least die knowing you were heading for shore. ❜ ❨831❩ ❛ You can't make people listen. They have to come round in their own time, wondering what happened and why the world blew up around them. ❜ ❨832❩ ❛ It was a pleasure to burn. ❜ ❨833❩ ❛ I'm antisocial, they say. I don't mix. It's so strange. I'm very social indeed. It all depends on what you mean by social, doesn't it? ❜ ❨834❩ ❛ Being with people is nice. But I don't think it's social to get a bunch of people together and then not let them talk, do you? ❜ ❨835❩ ❛ Do you notice how people hurt each other nowadays? ❜ ❨836❩ ❛ Who knows who might be the target of the well-read man? ❜ ❨837❩ ❛ I don't talk things. I talk the meaning of things. ❜ ❨838❩ ❛ I'll hold on to the world tight some day. I've got one finger on it now; that's a beginning. ❜ ❨839❩ ❛ I just want someone to hear what I have to say. And maybe if I talk long enough it'll make sense. ❜ ❨840❩ ❛ That's the good part of dying; when you've nothing to lose, you run any risk you want. ❜ ❨841❩ ❛ Someday we'll build the biggest goddamn steamshovel in history and dig the biggest grave of all time and shove war in it and cover it up. ❜ ❨842❩ ❛ You're not like the others. I've seen a few; I know. When I talk, you look at me. ❜ ❨843❩ ❛ You're afraid of making mistakes. Don't be. Mistakes can be profited by. ❜ ❨844❩ ❛ When they give you lined paper, write the other way. ❜ ❨845❩ ❛ The sun burnt every day. It burnt time. ❜ ❨846❩ ❛ We have everything we need to be happy but we aren't happy. Something is missing. ❜ ❨847❩ ❛ I feel I'm doing what I should've done a lifetime ago. ❜ ❨848❩ ❛ I'm not afraid. Maybe it's because I'm doing the right thing at last. Maybe it's because I've done a rash thing and don't want to look the coward to you. ❜ ❨849❩ ❛ Good God, who were those men? I never saw them before in my life! ❜ ❨850❩ ❛ How do you get so empty? Who takes it out of you? ❜ ❨851❩ ❛ It must be right. It seems so right. ❜ ❨852❩ ❛ To everything there is a season. Yes. A time to break down, and a time to build up. A time to keep silence and a time to speak. ❜ ❨853❩ ❛ It's my game. And no one can help me. Not even you. ❜ ❨854❩ ❛ What makes earth feel like hell is our expectation that it should feel like heaven. Earth is earth. Dead is dead. You’ll find out for yourself soon enough. ❜ ❨855❩ ❛ Death is a long process. Your body is just the first part of you that croaks. Beyond that, your dreams have to die. Then your expectations. Your anger and memories must die. Your ego. Your pride and shame and ambition and hope. ❜ ❨856❩ ❛ Help me give up my addiction to hope. ❜ ❨857❩ ❛ Life is short, death is forever. ❜ ❨858❩ ❛ Hope is something really tough and tenacious you have to give up. It’s an addiction to break. ❜ ❨859❩ ❛ If the living are haunted by the dead, then the dead are haunted by their own mistakes. ❜ ❨860❩ ❛ We all wish to be pursued. We all long to be desired. ❜ ❨861❩ ❛ All the demons of hell formerly reigned as gods in previous cultures. No it's not fair, but one man's god is another man's devil. ❜ ❨862❩ ❛ I can become someone else, not out of pressure and desperation, but merely because a new life sounds fun or interesting or joyful. ❜ ❨863❩ ❛ It's my petty fear of personal rejection that allows so many true evils to exist. My cowardice enables atrocities. ❜ ❨864❩ ❛ You fucked up. Game over. So just relax. ❜ ❨865❩ ❛ The greatest weapon any warrior can carry into battle is absolute certainty of her eternal soul. ❜ ❨866❩ ❛ If killing you will end my existence as well, be it. Small loss. Such a life, as your puppet, is not worth living. ❜ ❨867❩ ❛ I might be a touch of a sadist and a little bit jejune but at least I'm not a victim, not any longer. I hope. ❜ ❨868❩ ❛ Dying seems like the greatest weakness, and in a world where people say you're lazy for not shaving your legs, then being dead seems like the ultimate character flaw. ❜ ❨869❩ ❛ Any concept of right versus wrong, is merely a cultural construct relative to one specific time and place. ❜ ❨870❩ ❛ To prove that I exist I must kill you. ❜ ❨871❩ ❛ I'd say that my life has been a way-too-long case history of chasing rainbows. ❜ ❨872❩ ❛ The world is a battle for attention, a war to be heard. ❜ ❨873❩ ❛ Every garden looks beautiful in May. ❜ ❨874❩ ❛ When we neglect to fear such brittle monstrosity, we render it powerless. ❜ ❨875❩ ❛ My taste for power continues to grow, as does my ability to accrue it. ❜ ❨876❩ ❛ Such language! Why don't you just take a dump in my ears? ❜ ❨877❩ ❛ You’d be foolish to count on people displaying high standards of honesty. ❜ ❨878❩ ❛ Depending on her mood, she can be more frightening than any demon or devil you might ever run across. ❜ ❨879❩ ❛ Cross your fingers! Maybe death won't happen to you. ❜ ❨880❩ ❛ Do not die while wearing cheap shoes. ❜ ❨881❩ ❛ Old habits die hard. ❜ ❨882❩ ❛ It's our attachments to a fixed identity that torture us. ❜ ❨883❩ ❛ What do I think I am? In a thousand words; I don't have a clue. ❨884❩ ❛ If I am to be saved it is because your love redeems me. ❜ ❨885❩ ❛ All I wanted was to be loved for myself. ❜ ❨886❩ ❛ I have tasted all the happiness the world can offer. ❜ ❨887❩ ❛ Shall we pity him? Shall we curse him? ❜ ❨888❩ ❛ You have a heart that can hold the entire empire of the world. ❜ ❨889❩ ❛ Look, I am not laughing now, crying, crying for you. ❜ ❨890❩ ❛ Tonight I gave you my soul, and I am dead. ❜ ❨891❩ ❛ You are afraid of me! And yet I am not really wicked. Love me and you shall see! ❜ ❨892❩ ❛ Are people so unhappy when they love? --- Yes, when they love and are not sure of being loved. ❜ ❨893❩ ❛ Your soul is a beautiful thing. No emperor received so fair a gift. The angels wept tonight. ❜ ❨894❩ ❛ Blood!...Blood!... That's a good thing! ❜ ❨895❩ ❛ Now I want to live like everybody else. I want to have a life like everybody else. ❜ ❨896❩ ❛ You will be the happiest of women. And we will sing, all by ourselves, till we swoon away with delight. ❜ ❨897❩ ❛ I should be as gentle as a lamb; and you could do anything with me that you pleased. ❜ ❨898❩ ❛ I am going to die of love, I am dying of love. That's how it is. I loved you so. I still love you so. ❜ ❨899❩ ❛ I am dying of love for her, I tell you! If only you knew how beautiful she was when she let me kiss her. ❜ ❨900❩ ❛ He fills me with horror but I do not hate him. How can I hate him? ❜ ❨901❩ ❛ Holy angel, in Heaven blessed, my spirit longs with thee to rest. ❜ ❨902❩ ❛ Nothing is colder or more dead than my heart. ❜ ❨903❩ ❛ I had loved an angel and now I despise a woman. ❜ ❨904❩ ❛ Our lives are one masked ball. ❜ ❨905❩ ❛ Why do you condemn a man whom you have never met, whom no one knows and about whom even you yourself know nothing? ❜ ❨906❩ ❛ He would commit murder for me. ❜ ❨907❩ ❛ If I don't save her from the hands of that humbug, she is lost. But I shall save her. ❜ ❨908❩ ❛ We will go from here together or die together. ❜ ❨909❩ ❛ Your fear, your terror, all of that is just love and love of the most exquisite kind, the kind which people do not admit even to themselves. The kind that gives you a thrill, when you think of it. ❜ ❨910❩ ❛ Destiny has chained you to me forever. ❜ ❨911❩ ❛ You must never ask me that. ❜ ❨912❩ ❛ Are you afraid that you will change your mind? ❜ ❨913❩ ❛ You must come and fetch me in my dressing room at midnight exactly. ❜ ❨914❩ ❛ The holes in your life are permanent. You have to grow around them, like tree roots around concrete; you mould yourself through the gaps. ❜ ❨915❩ ❛ I have never understood how people can blithely disregard the damage they do by following their hearts. ❜ ❨916❩ ❛ There’s something comforting about the sight of strangers safe at home. ❜ ❨917❩ ❛ I have lost control over everything, even the places in my head. ❜ ❨918❩ ❛ It’s possible to miss what you’ve never had, to even mourn for it. ❜ ❨919❩ ❛ There’s nothing so painful, so corrosive, as suspicion. ❜ ❨920❩ ❛ When did you become so weak? ❜ ❨921❩ ❛ I don’t know where that strength went, I don’t remember losing it. I think that over time it got chipped away, bit by bit, by life, by the living of it. ❜ ❨922❩ ❛ Let’s be honest: women are still only really valued for two things—their looks and their role as mothers. ❜ ❨923❩ ❛ Sadness gets boring after a while, for the sad person and for everyone around them. ❜ ❨924❩ ❛ I’m playing at real life instead of actually living it. ❜ ❨925❩ ❛ I’ve just got to let myself feel the pain, because if I don’t, if I keep numbing it, it’ll never really go away. ❜ ❨926❩ ❛ I am not the girl I used to be. I am no longer desirable, I’m off-putting in some way. It’s as if people can see the damage written all over me, can see it in my face, the way I hold myself, the way I move. ❜ ❨927❩ ❛ Who was it that said following your heart is a good thing? It is pure egotism, a selfishness to conquer all. ❜ ❨928❩ ❛ It’s impossible to resist the kindness of strangers. ❜ ❨929❩ ❛ Sometimes I catch myself trying to remember the last time I had meaningful physical contact with another person, just a hug or a heartfelt squeeze of my hand, and my heart twitches. ❜ ❨930❩ ❛ I have to find a way of making myself happy, I have to stop looking for happiness elsewhere. ❜ ❨931❩ ❛ How did I find myself here? I wonder where it started, my decline; I wonder at what point I could have halted it. Where did I take the wrong turn? ❜ ❨932❩ ❛ Now look -- Now look what you made me do. ❜ ❨933❩ ❛ It’s okay, whatever you did, whatever you’ve done: you suffered, you hurt, you deserve forgiveness. ❜ ❨934❩ ❛ They’re what I lost, they’re everything I want to be. ❜ ❨935❩ ❛ You broke me and I broke us. ❜ ❨936❩ ❛ I’ve been the fool. If he does it with you, he’ll do it to you. ❜ ❨937❩ ❛ I’d never realised, not until now, how shameful it is to be pitied. ❜ ❨938❩ ❛ Sometimes, I don’t want to go anywhere, I think I’ll be happy if I never have to set foot outside the house again. ❜ ❨939❩ ❛ I don’t believe in soul mates, but there’s an understanding between us that I just haven’t felt before, or at least, not for a long time. ❜ ❨940❩ ❛ There can be no greater agony, nothing can be more painful than the not knowing, which will never end. ❜ ❨941❩ ❛ Being the other woman is a huge turn-on, there’s no point in denying it: you’re the one he can’t help but betray his wife for, even though he loves her. That’s just how irresistible you are. ❜ ❨942❩ ❛ I feel a rush of gratitude so strong, it feels almost like love. ❜ ❨943❩ ❛ You don’t know how determined I can be. Once I’ve made my mind up, I’m a force to be reckoned with. ❜ ❨944❩ ❛ The more I want to be oblivious, the less I can be. Life and light will not let me be. ❜ ❨945❩ ❛ You don’t have to be afraid of being alone. It’s not the worst thing, is it? ❜ ❨946❩ ❛ I have felt this way before. On a larger scale, to a more intense degree, of course, but I remember the quality of the pain. You don’t forget it. ❜ ❨947❩ ❛ If he thinks I’m going to sit around crying, he’s got another thing coming. ❜ ❨948❩ ❛ I don’t like to lose. It’s not like me. None of this is like me. I don’t get rejected. I’m the one who walks away. ❜ ❨949❩ ❛ I don’t remember anger, raging fury. I remember fear. ❜ ❨950❩ ❛ I can’t sleep. I haven’t slept in days. I hate it, hate insomnia more than anything, just lying there, brain going round, tick, tick, tick, tick. ❜ ❨951❩ ❛ Maybe the courage I need has nothing to do with telling the truth and everything to do with walking away. ❜ ❨952❩ ❛ I’m not beautiful, and I can’t have kids, so what does that make me? Worthless. ❜ ❨953❩ ❛ Failure cloaked me like a mantle, it overwhelmed me, dragged me under and I gave up hope. ❜ ❨954❩ ❛ It’s an odd thing to say, but I think this all the time; I don’t feel bad enough. ❜ ❨955❩ ❛ Some battles aren’t worth fighting. ❜ ❨956❩ ❛ I never felt guilty. I pretended I did. I had to. ❜ ❨957❩ ❛ I never meant for any of this to happen, we fell in love, what could we do? ❜ ❨958❩ ❛ What bothers me most is that I haven’t got to the end of my story, and I can’t start over with someone else, it’s too hard. ❜ ❨959❩ ❛ A person is, among all else, a material thing, easily torn and not easily mended. ❜ ❨960❩ ❛ It isn’t only wickedness and scheming that make people unhappy, it is confusion and misunderstanding. ❜ ❨961❩ ❛ Falling in love can be achieved in a single word—a glance. ❜ ❨962❩ ❛ Though you think the world is at your feet, it can rise up and tread on you. ❜ ❨963❩ ❛ I’ve never had a moment’s doubt. I love you. I believe in you completely. You are my dearest one. My reason for life. ❜ ❨964❩ ❛ It might hurt, it is horribly inconvenient, no good might come of it, but it is what it is to be in love. ❜ ❨965❩ ❛ It was always an impossible task, and that was precisely the point. ❜ ❨966❩ ❛ Come back, come back to me. ❜ ❨967❩ ❛ In my thoughts I make love to you all day long. ❜ ❨968❩ ❛ The truth is I feel rather light headed and foolish in your presence and I don’t think I can blame the heat. ❜ ❨969❩ ❛ Beauty occupies a narrow band. Ugliness, on the other hand, has infinite variation. ❜ ❨970❩ ❛ Is there any meaning in my life that the inevitable death awaiting me does not destroy? ❜ ❨971❩ ❛ However, withered, I still feel myself to be exactly the same person I’ve always been. ❜ ❨972❩ ❛ Hate is a feeling as pure as love, but dispassionate and icily rational. ❜ ❨973❩ ❛ I’m going mad. Let me not be mad. ❜ ❨974❩ ❛ Is everyone really as alive as I am? ❜ ❨975❩ ❛ Every now and then, quite unintentionally, someone teaches you something about yourself. ❜ ❨976❩ ❛ Something has happened, hasn’t it? ❜ ❨977❩ ❛ I like to think that it isn’t weakness or evasion, but a final act of kindness. ❜ ❨978❩ ❛ Is it possible that I am, in the modern term, in denial? ❜ ❨979❩ ❛ How could anyone presume to know the world through the eyes of an insect? ❜ ❨980❩ ❛ Not everything has a cause. Some things are simply so. ❜ ❨981❩ ❛ I’ll be quite honest with you. I’m torn between breaking your neck here and throwing you down the stairs. ❜ ❨982❩ ❛ How old do you have to be before you know the difference between right and wrong? ❜ ❨983❩ ❛ It was never meant to be read. ❜ ❨984❩ ❛ If I fell in the river, would you save me? ❜ ❨985❩ ❛ That was an incredibly bloody stupid thing to do. ❜ ❨986❩ ❛ I want to thank you for saving my life. I’ll be eternally grateful to you. ❜ ❨987❩ ❛ I’m very, very sorry for the terrible distress that I have caused. I’m very, very sorry. ❜ ❨988❩ ❛ Don’t call me that! – Please don’t call me that. ❜ ❨989❩ ❛ It may be the wrong decision, but fuck it, it’s mine. ❜ ❨990❩ ❛ Like patience, passion comes from the same Latin root: pati. It does not mean to flow with exuberance. It means to suffer. ❜ ❨991❩ ❛ No one ever really gets used to nightmares. ❜ ❨992❩ ❛ I still get nightmares. In fact, I get them so often I should be used to them by now. I’m not. ❜ ❨993❩ ❛ Sublime is something you choke on after a shot of tequila. ❜ ❨994❩ ❛ Some people reflect light, some deflect it, you by some miracle, seem to collect it. ❜ ❨995❩ ❛ Beautiful women are always drawn to men they think will keep them beautiful. ❜ ❨996❩ ❛ The ruminations are mine, let the world be yours. ❜ ❨997❩ ❛ You will fulfil a promise I made years ago but failed to keep. ❜ ❨998❩ ❛ Darkness never satisfies. Especially if it takes something away which it almost always invariably does. ❜ ❨999❩ ❛ I want something else. I’m not even sure what to call it anymore. ❜ ❨1000❩ ❛ What can I say, I’m a sucker for abandoned stuff, misplaced stuff, forgotten stuff, any old stuff. ❜ ❨1001❩ ❛ Is it possible to love something so much, you imagine it wants to destroy you only because it has denied you? ❜ ❨1002❩ ❛ It’s just silent, no sound at all. It’s like something’s waiting. ❜ ❨1003❩ ❛ I guess I’m hoping the weapons will make me feel better, grant me some kind of fucking control. ❜ ❨1004❩ ❛ Oh and something else: – Fuck you. ❜ ❨1005❩ ❛ God I’ve never been afraid like this. ❜ ❨1006❩ ❛ I miss you. I love you. There’s no second I’ve lived that you can’t call your own. ❜ ❨1007❩ ❛ I’m so tired. Sleep’s been stalking me for too long to remember. Inevitable I suppose. ❜ ❨1008❩ ❛ Not seeing the rip doesn’t mean you automatically get to keep clear of the Hey-I’m-Bleeding part. ❜ ❨1009❩ ❛ These days fantasies flourish and die like summer flies. ❜ ❨1010❩ ❛ Yeah I know, I know. This shit’s getting ridiculous. ❜ ❨1011❩ ❛ ‘Fuck’ and 'fall for’ have very different meanings. The first one you do as much as you can. The second one you never ever, ever do. ❜ ❨1012❩ ❛ It’s a nice idea but it reeks of hope. False hope. ❜ ❨1013❩ ❛ It’s, well…one thing in two words: fucked up…very fucked up. Okay three words, four words, who the hell cares…very very fucked up. ❜ ❨1014❩ ❛ Do you think I could spend the night at your place?  ❜ ❨1015❩ ❛ Any fool can pray. ❜ ❨1016❩ ❛ I feel like I haven’t slept in months. My neighbours are scared of me. ❜ ❨1017❩ ❛ I’ve lost my mind? Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe I’m just really drunk. ❜ ❨1018❩ ❛ Perhaps by cleaning out my system I’ll come to a clearing where I can ease myself into peace. ❜ ❨1019❩ ❛ I should be dead. Why am I still here? ❜ ❨1020❩ ❛ Fuck if I know. Your guess is as good as mine. ❜ ❨1021❩ ❛ You are my flesh. You are my bones. I know you too well. I read you too perfectly. ❜ ❨1022❩ ❛ Not all complex problems have easy solutions. ❜ ❨1023❩ ❛ Do you believe in God? I don’t think I ever asked you that one. ❜ ❨1024❩ ❛ We all create stories to protect ourselves. ❜ ❨1025❩ ❛ Are you kidding me? This place is scary. ❜ ❨1026❩ ❛ These days the only thing that gets me outside is when I say: Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck you. Fuck me. Fuck this. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. ❜ ❨1027❩ ❛ You like that crap because it reminds you of you. ❜ ❨1028❩ ❛ You may suddenly realise things are not how you perceived them to be at all. ❜ ❨1029❩ ❛ The two hardest tests are the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what we encounter. ❜ ❨1030❩ ❛ People never learn anything by being told, they have to find out for themselves. ❜ ❨1031❩ ❛ Be crazy! But learn how to be crazy without being the center of attention. Be brave enough to live different. ❜ ❨1032❩ ❛ You are someone who is different, but who wants to be the same as everyone else. And that in my view is a serious illness. ❜ ❨1033❩ ❛ God chose you to be different. ❜ ❨1034❩ ❛ Why are you disappointing God with this kind of attitude? ❜ ❨1035❩ ❛ You have two choices, to control your mind or to let your mind control you. ❜ ❨1036❩ ❛ Everyone is indeed crazy, but the craziest are the ones who don't know they're crazy; they just keep repeating what others tell them to. ❜ ❨1037❩ ❛ Haven't you learned anything, not even with the approach of death?  ❜ ❨1038❩ ❛ If people don't like it, they can complain. And if they don't have the courage to complain, that's their problem. ❜ ❨1039❩ ❛ Nothing in this world happens by chance. ❜ ❨1040❩ ❛ I want to continue living my life the way I dream it, and not the way the other people want it to be. ❜ ❨1041❩ ❛ Be like the fountain that overflows, not like the cistern that merely contains. ❜ ❨1042❩ ❛ Collective madness is called sanity. ❜ ❨1043❩ ❛ Consider each day a miracle - which indeed it is, when you consider the number of unexpected things that could happen in each second of our fragile existences. ❜ ❨1044❩ ❛ You say they create their own reality, but what is reality? ❜ ❨1045❩ ❛ Many people don't allow themselves to love because there are a lot of things at risk. A lot of future and a lot of past. ❜ ❨1046❩ ❛ Death frees from the fear of dying. ❜ ❨1047❩ ❛ The danger of an adventure is worth a thousand days of ease and comfort. ❜ ❨1048❩ ❛ The happier people can be, the unhappier they are. ❜ ❨1049❩ ❛ Life is always a matter of waiting for the right moment to act. ❜ ❨1050❩ ❛ It's best to accept life as it really is and not as you imagined it to be. ❜ ❨1051❩ ❛ You don't seem mad at all. ❜ ❨1052❩ ❛ We’re allowed to make a lot of mistakes in our lives, except the mistake that destroys us. ❜ ❨1053❩ ❛ You’re what you are, not what others make of you. ❜ ❨1054❩ ❛ Am I cured? ❜ ❨1055❩ ❛ Real love changes and grows with time and discovers new ways of expressing itself. ❜ ❨1056❩ ❛ A lot of people think something is right, and so that thing becomes right. Is that it? ❜ ❨1057❩ ❛ They think they're normal, because they all do the same thing. ❜ ❨1058❩ ❛ I didn't know that other ‘me’s existed inside me, ‘Me’s that I could love. ❜ ❨1059❩ ❛ I have no idea what's awaiting me. ❜ ❨1060❩ ❛ What will happen when this all ends? ❜ ❨1061❩ ❛ I know that you are capable of great deeds. ❜ ❨1062❩ ❛ A loveless world is a dead world, and always there comes an hour when one is weary of prisons, of one's work, and of devotion to duty, and all one craves for is a loved face, the warmth and wonder of a loving heart. ❜ ❨1063❩ ❛ The truth is that everyone is bored. ❜ ❨1064❩ ❛ I feel more fellowship with the defeated than with saints. Heroism and sanctity don't really appeal to me, I imagine. ❜ ❨1065❩ ❛ If there is one thing one can always yearn for, and sometimes attain, it is human love. ❜ ❨1066❩ ❛ Who would dare to assert that eternal happiness can compensate for even a single moment's suffering? ❜ ❨1067❩ ❛ It's not easy. I've been thinking it over for years. ❜ ❨1068❩ ❛ While we loved each other we didn't need words to make ourselves understood. ❜ ❨1069❩ ❛ People are more often bad than good. ❜ ❨1070❩ ❛ I don't believe in heroism; I know it's easy and I've learned that it can be murderous. ❜ ❨1071❩ ❛ What interests me is living and dying for what one loves. ❜ ❨1072❩ ❛ In fact, nobody is capable of really thinking about anyone, even in the worst calamity. ❜ ❨1073❩ ❛ Nothing in the world is worth turning one's back on what one loves. ❜ ❨1074❩ ❛ Again and again there comes a time in history when the man who dares to say that two and two make four is punished with death. ❜ ❨1075❩ ❛ There are more things to admire in men then to despise. ❜ ❨1076❩ ❛ It is in the thick of calamity that one gets hardened to the truth - in other words, to silence. ❜ ❨1077❩ ❛ What on earth prompted you to take a hand in this? ❜ ❨1078❩ ❛ Your code of morals? What code, if I may ask? ❜ ❨1079❩ ❛ I'm fumbling in the dark, struggling to make something out. But I've long ceased finding anything. ❜ ❨1080❩ ❛ No doubt our love is still there, but quite simply it is unusable, heavy to carry, inert inside of us, sterile as crime or condemnation. ❜ ❨1081❩ ❛ I’m not happy to go, but one needn't be happy to make another start. ❜ ❨1082❩ ❛ I am incapable of suffering for a long time, or being happy for a long time. Which means that I am incapable of anything really worth while. ❜ ❨1083❩ ❛ I should have found the words to keep her with me. ❜ ❨1084❩ ❛ We can't stir a finger in this world without the risk of bringing death to somebody. ❜ ❨1085❩ ❛ The evil that is in the world comes out of ignorance, and good intentions may do as much harm as malevolence, if they lack understanding. ❜ ❨1086❩ ❛ There are always flies and itches. That’s why life is difficult to live. ❜ ❨1087❩ ❛ The best protection against anything is a good bottle of wine. ❜ ❨1088❩ ❛ There is no peace without hope. ❜ ❨1089❩ ❛ It's enough for me to be sure that you and I exist at this moment. ❜ ❨1090❩ ❛ There is always something left to love. ❜ ❨1091❩ ❛ A person doesn’t die when he should but when he can. ❜ ❨1092❩ ❛ Things have a life of their own. It's simply a matter of waking up their souls. ❜ ❨1093❩ ❛ Tell me something: why are you fighting? ❜ ❨1094❩ ❛ I've come to realise only just now that I'm fighting because of pride. ❜ ❨1095❩ ❛ One minute of reconciliation is worth more than a whole life of friendship. ❜ ❨1096❩ ❛ It's better than not knowing why you're fighting. Or fighting, like you, for something that doesn't have any meaning for anyone. ❜ ❨1097❩ ❛ Holy Mother of God! ❜ ❨1098❩ ❛ A person does not belong to a place until there is someone dead under the ground. ❜ ❨1099❩ ❛ I was born a son of a bitch and I'm going to die a son of a bitch. ❜ ❨1100❩ ❛ Bad luck doesn't have any chinks in it. ❜ ❨1101❩ ❛ I plead youth as a mitigating circumstance. ❜ ❨1102❩ ❛ Get those bad thoughts out of your head. You're going to be happy. ❜ ❨1103❩ ❛ Children inherit their parents' madness. ❜ ❨1104❩ ❛ I'll turn to ashes in here but I won't give this miserable town the pleasure of seeing me weep. ❜ ❨1105❩ ❛ You would be good in a war. Where you put your eye, you put your bullet. ❜ ❨1106❩ ❛ Men demand much more than you think. ❜ ❨1107❩ ❛ Even the craziest and most persistent love is just a temporary truth. ❜ ❨1108❩ ❛ If we’re alone you can whisper in my ear any crap you can think of. ❜ ❨1109❩ ❛ You have taken this horrible game very seriously and you have done well because you are doing your duty. ❜ ❨1110❩ ❛ We have the right to pull down your pants and give you a whipping at the first sign of disrespect. ❜ ❨1111❩ ❛ What worries me is not your shooting me, because after all, for people like us it's a natural death. ❜ ❨1112❩ ❛ What worries me is that you've ended up as bad as they are. ❜ ❨1113❩ ❛ It is characteristic of men to deny hunger once their appetites are satisfied. ❜ ❨1114❩ ❛ Dying is much more difficult than one imagines. ❜ ❨1115❩ ❛ If you have to go crazy, please go crazy all by yourself! ❜ ❨1116❩ ❛ We have still not had a death. ❜ ❨1117❩ ❛ How awful, the way time passes. ❜ ❨1118❩ ❛ You may be in command of your war, but I'm in command of my house. ❜ ❨1119❩ ❛ I missed you every hour. ❜ ❨1120❩ ❛ You know what the worst part was? It caught me completely by surprise. ❜ ❨1121❩ ❛ I’ve risked my life for you. ❜ ❨1122❩ ❛ The problem with wanting is that it makes us weak. ❜ ❨1123❩ ❛ I love you, even the part of you that loved him. ❜ ❨1124❩ ❛ I’m sorry it took me so long to see you. ❜ ❨1125❩ ❛ I never really belonged anywhere. ❜ ❨1126❩ ❛ Thanks for being my best friend and making my life bearable.  ❜ ❨1127❩ ❛ Thanks for finding me. ❜ ❨1128❩ ❛ You and I are going to change the world. ❜ ❨1129❩ ❛ I’ve been waiting for you a long time. ❜ ❨1130❩ ❛ I’m not used to people trying to kill me. ❜ ❨1131❩ ❛ You’re shaking. ❜ ❨1132❩ ❛ There's nothing wrong with being a lizard. Unless you were born to be a hawk. ❜ ❨1133❩ ❛ Make me your villain. ❜ ❨1134❩ ❛ Just you and me. It’s always just you and me. ❜ ❨1135❩ ❛ Do you blame me for every mistake I made? For every dumb thing I’ve said? ❜ ❨1136❩ ❛ Well, if it gets too bad, give me a signal. ❜ ❨1137❩ ❛ Did you tell him what I showed you in the dark? ❜ ❨1138❩ ❛ Did you miss me when you were gone? ❜ ❨1139❩ ❛ What is infinite? The universe and the greed of men. ❜ ❨1140❩ ❛ You’re interfering with my plan. ❜ ❨1141❩ ❛ Too much champagne? ❜ ❨1142❩ ❛ I hope you don’t expect fairness from me. It isn’t one of my specialties. ❜ ❨1143❩ ❛ There is something more powerful than any army. Something strong enough to topple kings. Faith. ❜ ❨1144❩ ❛ All you said was that I had to kill you. You didn’t say how. ❜ ❨1145❩ ❛ What is she? She’s everything, you dumb son of a bitch. ❜ ❨1146❩ ❛ She’s an ugly little thing. No child should look like that. Pale and sour, like a glass of milk that’s turned. ❜ ❨1147❩ ❛ I wouldn’t make that mistake again. ❜ ❨1148❩ ❛ It’s a great honor, to save a life. You saved many. ❜ ❨1149❩ ❛ In this world, there are things you can only do alone. ❜ ❨1150❩ ❛ What seems like a reasonable distance to one person might feel too far to somebody else. ❜ ❨1151❩ ❛ If you really want to know something, you have to be willing to pay the price. ❜ ❨1152❩ ❛ Why should you be interested in me? ❜ ❨1153❩ ❛ I have been told I've got a darkish personality. A few times. ❜ ❨1154❩ ❛ It's not as if our lives are divided simply into light and dark. There's shadowy middle ground. ❜ ❨1155❩ ❛ I'll write to you. A super-long letter, like in an old-fashioned novel. ❜ ❨1156❩ ❛ The spotlight doesn't suit me. I'm more of a side dish. ❜ ❨1157❩ ❛ The ground we stand on looks solid enough, but if something happens it can drop right out from under you.  ❜ ❨1158❩ ❛ So once you're dead there's just nothing? ❜ ❨1159❩ ❛ If only I could fall sound asleep and wake up in my old reality. ❜ ❨1160❩ ❛ Is action merely the incidental product of thought, or is thought the consequential product of action? ❜ ❨1161❩ ❛ Nobody can shake off their own shadow. ❜ ❨1162❩ ❛ The silence is so deep it hurts. ❜ ❨1163❩ ❛ I may not look it, but I can be a very patient guy. ❜ ❨1164❩ ❛ Killing time is one of my specialities. ❜ ❨1165❩ ❛ You can't fight it. ❜ ❨1166❩ ❛ Tell me something,—do you believe in reincarnation? ❜ ❨1167❩ ❛ I can’t understand nothingness. I can’t understand it and I can’t imagine it. ❜ ❨1168❩ ❛ I can hardly breathe, and my whole body wants to shrink into a corner.  ❜ ❨1169❩ ❛ I do have a few things wrong with me, but those are strictly problems I keep inside. ❜ ❨1170❩ ❛ I can't take it any more, I can't go on any more. ❜ ❨1171❩ ❛ You don't really have it together. ❜ ❨1172❩ ❛ Is it against the law for me to know it? ❜ ❨1173❩ ❛ I keep having the same dream. ❜ ❨1174❩ ❛ Are you asking because you really want an answer? ❜ ❨1175❩ ❛ I hate this! I don't want to be changed this way! ❜ ❨1176❩ ❛ No contradictions, no irony. They do everything according to numerical formulas. ❜ ❨1177❩ ❛ Want to hear the rest? If you’re not interested, I can stop. ❜ ❨1178❩ ❛ If I didn’t have these memories inside me, I would’ve snapped a long time ago. I would’ve curled up in a ditch somewhere and died. ❜ ❨1179❩ ❛ I don’t know what you’re feeling. I won’t even pretend. ❜ ❨1180❩ ❛ What are you doing here, honey? ❜ ❨1181❩ ❛ You're not even old enough to know how bad life gets. ❜ ❨1182❩ ❛ You don't understand me. ❜ ❨1183❩ ❛ All wisdom ends in paradox. ❜ ❨1184❩ ❛ It is love that overthrows empire. Love that binds two hearts together, come hellfire & brimstone. ❜ ❨1185❩ ❛ I have lost my gift. ❜ ❨1186❩ ❛ Winter is the season of alcoholism and despair. ❜ ❨1187❩ ❛ The seeds of death get lost in the mess that God made us. ❜ ❨1188❩ ❛ They're just memories now. It’s time to forget. ❜ ❨1189❩ ❛ The time has to be right and the heart willing. ❜ ❨1190❩ ❛ The world, a tired performer, offers us another half-assed season. ❜ ❨1191❩ ❛ Capitalism has resulted in material well-being but spiritual bankruptcy. ❜ ❨1192❩ ❛ Grief is natural, overcoming it is a matter of choice. ❜ ❨1193❩ ❛ I want out of that decorating scheme. ❜ ❨1194❩ ❛ With most people suicide is like Russian roulette. Only one chamber has a bullet. ❜ ❨1195❩ ❛ You never get over it but you get where it doesn't bother you so much. ❜ ❨1196❩ ❛ Don't waste your time on life. ❜ ❨1197❩ ❛ I'm a teenager. I've got problems! ❜ ❨1198❩ ❛ Adolescents tend to seek love where they can find it. ❜ ❨1199❩ ❛ Obviously, you've never been a thirteen-year-old girl. ❜ ❨1200❩ ❛ It was a mistake. ❜ ❨1201❩ ❛ It seemed like we were supposed to feel sorry for everything that ever happened, ever. ❜ ❨1202❩ ❛ Buffeted but not broken. ❜ ❨1203❩ ❛ Shit. What have kids got to be worried about now? ❜ ❨1204❩ ❛ If they want trouble, they should go live in Bangladesh. ❜ ❨1205❩ ❛ I can't wait until I get out of here. ❜ ❨1206❩ ❛ When she jumped she probably thought she’d fly. ❜ ❨1207❩ ❛ I do not think the patient truly meant to end her life. Her act was a cry for help. ❜ ❨1208❩ ❛ You're a stone fox. ❜ ❨1209❩ ❛ It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight. ❜ ❨1210❩ ❛ Light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. ❜ ❨1211❩ ❛ He broke my heart. You merely broke my life. ❜ ❨1212❩ ❛ I'm sorry to have deceived you so much, but that's how life is. ❜ ❨1213❩ ❛ Words without experience are meaningless. ❜ ❨1214❩ ❛ I loved you. I was a monster, but I loved you. ❜ ❨1215❩ ❛ Come just as you are. ❜ ❨1216❩ ❛ If a violin string could ache, i would be that string. ❜ ❨1217❩ ❛ Perhaps, somewhere, some day, at a less miserable time, we may see each other again. ❜ ❨1218❩ ❛ What's so dreadful about dying is that you are completely on your own. ❜ ❨1219❩ ❛ Don't touch me; I'll die if you touch me. ❜ ❨1220❩ ❛ You took advantage of my disadvantage. ❜ ❨1221❩ ❛ I walk in a maze I cannot get out of. ❜ ❨1222❩ ❛ Life is just one small piece of light between two eternal darknesses. ❜ ❨1223❩ ❛ Imagine me; I shall not exist if you do not imagine me. ❜ ❨1224❩ ❛ There is no harm in smiling. ❜ ❨1225❩ ❛ There is no point in staying here. There is no point in staying anywhere. ❜ ❨1226❩ ❛ There is nothing more atrociously cruel than an adored child. ❜ ❨1227❩ ❛ I am so tired of being cynical. ❜ ❨1228❩ ❛ Come to live with me, and die with me, and everything with me. ❜ ❨1229❩ ❛ This is the only immortality that you and I may share. ❜ ❨1230❩ ❛ I loved her more than anything I had ever seen or imagined on earth, or hoped for anywhere else. ❜ ❨1231❩ ❛ I was despicable and brutal, and turpid, and everything, mais je t’aimais, je t’aimais! ❜ ❨1232❩ ❛ Years of secret suffering has taught me superhuman self-control. ❜ ❨1233❩ ❛ Solitude is corrupting me. I need company and care. ❜ ❨1234❩ ❛ I've missed you terribly. ❜ ❨1235❩ ❛ I've been revoltingly unfaithful to you. ❜ ❨1236❩ ❛ It doesn't matter a bit, because you've stopped caring anyway. ❜ ❨1237❩ ❛ What makes you say I've stopped caring for you? ❜ ❨1238❩ ❛ Nowadays you have to be a scientist if you want to be a killer. ❜ ❨1239❩ ❛ The sun climbs high in the sky, then starts down. People come, then go. ❜ ❨1240❩ ❛ Tell me, have you ever thought of killing me? ❜ ❨1241❩ ❛ I can not believe you are the same human being. ❜ ❨1242❩ ❛ Just how urgent is it? ❜ ❨1243❩ ❛ It is time for you to be going. ❜ ❨1244❩ ❛ How is it you know something like that? ❜ ❨1245❩ ❛ I don’t mind. Your mess is my mess. ❜ ❨1246❩ ❛ Everybody has one thing they do not want to lose. ❜ ❨1247❩ ❛ I’ll be late tonight, so don’t wait up for me. ❜ ❨1248❩ ❛ Nothing I’ve tried to do by myself has ever come off. ❜ ❨1249❩ ❛ I am not catching you in the middle of anything important, am I? ❜ ❨1250❩ ❛ Some things are forgotten, some things disappear, some things die. ❜ ❨1251❩ ❛ My biggest fault is that the faults I was born with grow bigger each year. ❜ ❨1252❩ ❛ To get irritated is to lose our way in life. ❜ ❨1253❩ ❛ A friend to kill time is a friend sublime. ❜ ❨1254❩ ❛ I don't really know if it's the right thing to do. ❜ ❨1255❩ ❛ Faster cars and more cats run over? Who needs it? ❜ ❨1256❩ ❛ Most of everything you think you know about me is nothing more than memories. ❜ ❨1257❩ ❛ Your fate is and will always be the fate of a dreamer. ❜ ❨1258❩ ❛ You’re loads better than you think you are. ❜ ❨1259❩ ❛ You’re only half-living, the other half is still untapped somewhere. ❜ ❨1260❩ ❛ The song is over. But the melody lingers on. ❜ ❨1261❩ ❛ You are extraordinary. ❜ ❨1262❩ ❛ We tend to fool ourselves into thinking that time is our size, but it really goes on and on. ❜ ❨1263❩ ❛ It could be five years or ten years or one month. It's all the same. ❜ ❨1264❩ ❛ I’m forever realising things too late. ❜ ❨1265❩ ❛ I’m not complaining when I say my life is boring. ❜ ❨1266❩ ❛ Weakness is something that rots in the body. ❜ ❨1267❩ ❛ Coming from your mouth, it has the ring of truth, but I doubt anyone would believe me if I told them. ❜ ❨1268❩ ❛ You can't expect something unreal to last anyway, can you? ❜ ❨1269❩ ❛ A wise man does not step betwixt the beast and his meat. ❜ ❨1270❩ ❛ So, kill me. Tell the others I attacked you so you killed me. ❜ ❨1271❩ ❛ Should never have come here. ❜ ❨1272❩ ❛ Hard to guess my tastes. ❜ ❨1273❩ ❛ Can’t it wait until the morning? ❜ ❨1274❩ ❛ You’ll find temper tantrums won’t help you here. ❜ ❨1275❩ ❛ It must have taken courage to return. ❜ ❨1276❩ ❛ It all sounds grimly dystopian. ❜ ❨1277❩ ❛ I am not afraid of you! ❜ ❨1278❩ ❛ All this could be avoided! ❜ ❨1279❩ ❛ You consider me a murderer? ❜ ❨1280❩ ❛ Gross way to die. ❜ ❨1281❩ ❛ What sparks wars? The will to power, the backbone of human nature. ❜ ❨1282❩ ❛ My life amounts to no more than one drop in a limitless ocean. Yet what is any ocean, but a multitude of drops? ❜ ❨1283❩ ❛ Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others. ❜ ❨1284❩ ❛ I believe there is another world waiting for us. A better world. And I'll be waiting for you there. ❜ ❨1285❩ ❛ You are allowed to feel messed up and inside out. It doesn't mean you're defective - it just means you're human. ❜ ❨1286❩ ❛ Power, time, gravity, love. The forces that really kick ass are all invisible. ❜ ❨1287❩ ❛ Unlimited power in the hands of limited people always leads to cruelty. ❜ ❨1288❩ ❛ Truth is singular. Its 'versions' are mistruths. ❜ ❨1289❩ ❛ Dreams are all I have ever truly owned. ❜ ❨1290❩ ❛ Your version of the truth is the only thing that matters. ❜ ❨1291❩ ❛ I believe death is only a door. One closes, and another opens. ❜ ❨1292❩ ❛ By each crime and every kindness, we birth our future. ❜ ❨1293❩ ❛ The healthy can't understand the emptied, the broken. ❜ ❨1294❩ ❛ Lying's wrong, but when the world spins backwards, a small wrong may be a big right. ❜ ❨1295❩ ❛ The weak are meat the strong do eat. ❜ ❨1296❩ ❛ Do whatever you can't not do. ❜ ❨1297❩ ❛ What precipitates outcomes? Vicious acts & virtuous acts. ❜ ❨1298❩ ❛ I remain thankful to God for all his mercies. ❜ ❨1299❩ ❛ You can maintain power over people, as long as you give them something. Rob a man of everything, and that man will no longer be in your power. ❜ ❨1300❩ ❛ Power. The ability to determine another man's luck. ❜ ❨1301❩ ❛ Pain is strong, aye - but friends' eyes, more strong. ❜ ❨1302❩ ❛ Perhaps those deprived of beauty perceive it most instinctively. ❜ ❨1303❩ ❛ Why ask a question whose answer would demand ten more questions? ❜ ❨1304❩ ❛ You can’t lie to your soul. ❜ ❨1305❩ ❛ Why would I want to do a thing like that? ❜ ❨1306❩ ❛ We start off with high hopes, then we bottle it. ❜ ❨1307❩ ❛ Better to make life as complete and enjoyable an experience as possible, in case death is shite, which I suspect it will be. ❜ ❨1308❩ ❛ I’m not running away, I’m moving on. ❜ ❨1309❩ ❛ The reasons? There are no reasons. ❜ ❨1310❩ ❛ Some people are easier to love when you don’t have to be around them. ❜ ❨1311❩ ❛ Love does not exist. ❜ ❨1312❩ ❛ Fuck that ‘regrets’ bullshit. ❜ ❨1313❩ ❛ How does it make you feel? ❜ ❨1314❩ ❛ It’s horrible how we always die alone, but no worse than living alone. ❜ ❨1315❩ ❛ Choose us. Choose life. ❜ ❨1316❩ ❛ You fucking knew that fucking cunt would fuck some cunt. ❜ ❨1317❩ ❛ I’m more of a warrior than you’ll ever be. ❜ ❨1318❩ ❛ What does that make us? The lowest of the low, the scum of the earth. ❜ ❨1319❩ ❛ You don’t have to run away.  ❜ ❨1320❩ ❛ I tried to stop because it was only causing pain. I couldn’t. ❜ ❨1321❩ ❛ I’m not going to get crushed. ❜ ❨1322❩ ❛ I love doubt in a woman. It’s nearly as sexy as determination. ❜ ❨1323❩ ❛ Take your best orgasm, multiply the feeling by twenty. ❜ ❨1324❩ ❛ You’re a mess. ❜ ❨1325❩ ❛ I know that it’s never left you alone. ❜ ❨1326❩ ❛ Are you asking me or telling me? ❜ ❨1327❩ ❛ You just get used to all the shit. ❜ ❨1328❩ ❛ You can’t afford a conscience in this life. ❜ ❨1329❩ ❛ None of us are saints and scapegoats are always handy. ❜ ❨1330❩ ❛ Doing things doesn’t hurt you; you get hurt by avoiding them. ❜ ❨1331❩ ❛ What was that? ❜ ❨1332❩ ❛ Protect me from those who wish to help us. ❜ ❨1333❩ ❛ You can’t love yourself if you want to hurt things like that. ❜ ❨1334❩ ❛ What happens when people open their hearts? ❜ ❨1335❩ ❛ Nobody likes being alone that much. ❜ ❨1336❩ ❛ I don’t go out of my way to make friends, that’s all. It just leads to disappointment.” ❨1337❩ ❛ Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Only assholes do that. ❜ ❨1338❩ ❛ You need to grab whatever chance you have of happiness where you find it, and not worry about other people too much. ❜ ❨1339❩ ❛ I want you always to remember me. ❜ ❨1340❩ ❛ Despite your best efforts, people are going to be hurt when it’s time for them to be hurt. ❜ ❨1341❩ ❛ What stays in your heart will stay; keep them, and what vanishes will vanish. ❜ ❨1342❩ ❛ All I want in this world is you. ❜ ❨1343❩ ❛ I want the two of us to begin everything from the beginning. ❜ ❨1344❩ ❛ No truth can cure the sorrow we feel from losing a loved one. ❜ ❨1345❩ ❛ What a terrible thing it is to wound someone you really care for and to do it so unconsciously. ❜ ❨1346❩ ❛ If you’re in pitch blackness, all you can do is sit tight until your eyes get used to the dark. ❜ ❨1347❩ ❛ I’ve had enough hurt already in my life. More than enough. Now I want to be happy. ❜ ❨1348❩ ❛ People leave strange little memories of themselves behind when they die. ❜ ❨1349❩ ❛ Stop eating yourself up alive. Things will go where they’re supposed to go if you just let them take their natural course. ❜ ❨1350❩ ❛ When your feelings build up and harden and die inside, then you’re in big trouble. ❜ ❨1351❩ ❛ When you fall in love, the natural thing to do is give yourself to it. ❜ ❨1352❩ ❛ If I have left a wound inside you, it is not just your wound but mine as well. ❜ ❨1353❩ ❛ Hey, what is it with you? Why are you so spaced out? You still haven’t answered me. ❜ ❨1354❩ ❛ People are strange when you’re a stranger. ❜ ❨1355❩ ❛ The dead will always be dead, but we have to go on living. ❜ ❨1356❩ ❛ You don’t get it, do you? ❜ ❨1357❩ ❛ I am a flawed human being - a far more flawed human being than you ❨1358❩ realise. ❜ ❨1359❩ ❛ At least let me know whether or not I hurt you. ❜ ❨1360❩ ❛ All of us are imperfect human beings living in an imperfect world. ❜ ❨1361❩ ❛ I’ve never once thought about how I was going to die. ❜ ❨1362❩ ❛ So I’m not crazy after all! ❜ ❨1363❩ ❛ I miss you terribly sometimes, but in general I go on living with all the energy I can muster. ❜ ❨1364❩ ❛ Will you wait for me forever? ❜ ❨1365❩ ❛ I don’t want our relationship to end like this. ❜ ❨1366❩ ❛ When am I going to be able to talk to you? I want you to tell me that much, at least. ❜ ❨1367❩ ❛ It hurts not being able to see you. ❜ ❨1368❩ ❛ I’m not totally mad at you. I’m just sad. ❜ ❨1369❩ ❛ The world is an inherently unfair place. ❜ ❨1370❩ ❛ Life frightens me sometimes. I don’t happen to take that as the premise for everything else though. ❜ ❨1371❩ ❛ I’m a real bargain, don’t you think? If you don’t take me, I’ll end up going somewhere else. ❜ ❨1372❩ ❛ We’re all kind of weird and twisted and drowning. ❜ ❨1373❩ ❛ Don’t you think it would be wonderful to get rid of everything and everybody and just go some place where you don’t know a soul? ❜ ❨1374❩ ❛ You’re not telling me anything I don’t know already. ❜ ❨1375❩ ❛ He who controls the past controls the future. He who controls the present controls the past. ❜ ❨1376❩ ❛ If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself. ❜ ❨1377❩ ❛ We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness. ❜ ❨1378❩ ❛ Until they become conscious they will never rebel. ❜ ❨1379❩ ❛ Power is not a means; it is an end. ❜ ❨1380❩ ❛ They are not interested in the good of others; they are interested solely in power, pure power. ❜ ❨1381❩ ❛ Now you begin to understand me. ❜ ❨1382❩ ❛ In the face of pain there are no heroes. ❜ ❨1383❩ ❛ Big Brother is watching you. ❜ ❨1384❩ ❛ Power is tearing human minds to pieces and putting them together again in new shapes of your own choosing. ❜ ❨1385❩ ❛ It’s a beautiful thing, the destruction of words. ❜ ❨1386❩ ❛ The choice for mankind lies between freedom and happiness and for the great bulk of mankind, happiness is better. ❜ ❨1387❩ ❛ Your mind appeals to me. It resembles my own mind. ❜ ❨1388❩ ❛ Reality exists in the human mind, and nowhere else. ❜ ❨1389❩ ❛ We do not merely destroy our enemies; we change them. ❜ ❨1390❩ ❛ How can I help it? How can I help but see what is in front of my eyes? ❜ ❨1391❩ ❛ You must try harder. ❜ ❨1392❩ ❛ Confession is not betrayal. ❜ ❨1393❩ ❛ What you say or do doesn’t matter; only feelings matter. ❜ ❨1394❩ ❛ If they could make me stop loving you —- that would be the real betrayal. ❜ ❨1395❩ ❛ Of pain you can wish only one thing: that it should stop. ❜ ❨1396❩ ❛ To die hating them, that will be freedom. ❜ ❨1397❩ ❛ No one ever seizes power with the intention of relinquishing it. ❜ ❨1398❩ ❛ What can you do against the lunatic who is more intelligent than yourself? ❜ ❨1399❩ ❛ To keep them in control is not difficult. ❜ ❨1400❩ ❛ So long as they are not permitted to have standards of comparison, they never even become aware that they are oppressed. ❜ ❨1401❩ ❛ The consequences of every act are included in the act itself. ❜ ❨1402❩ ❛ The essential act of war is destruction, not necessarily of human lives, but of the products of human labour. ❜ ❨1403❩ ❛ Stupidity is as necessary as intelligence, and as difficult to attain. ❜ ❨1404❩ ❛ I hate purity, I hate goodness! I don’t want virtue to exist anywhere. I want everyone to be corrupt to the bones. ❜ ❨1405❩ ❛ The past is dead, the future is unimaginable. ❜ ❨1406❩ ❛ You know the answer already. Everyone knows it. ❜ ❨1407❩ ❛ You don’t give a damn what they suffer. All you care is yourself. ❜ ❨1408❩ ❛ It is not easy to become sane. ❜ ❨1409❩ ❛ No emotion is pure anymore, because everything is mixed up with fear and hatred. ❜ ❨1410❩ ❛ They say that time heals all things —- they say you can always forget. ❜ ❨1411❩ ❛ The object of waging a war is always to be in a better position in which to wage another war. ❜ ❨1412❩ ❛ I sold you and you sold me. ❜ ❨1413❩ ❛ You do not exist. ❜ ❨1414❩ ❛ How does one man assert his power over another? By making him suffer. ❜ ❨1415❩ ❛ Obedience is not enough. Unless he is suffering, how can you be sure that he is obeying your will and not his own? ❜ ❨1416❩ ❛ Everything else we shall destroy – everything. ❜ ❨1417❩ ❛ Two and two makes five. ❜ ❨1418❩ ❛ Facts, at any rate, can not be kept hidden. ❜ ❨1419❩ ❛ The past is whatever the records and the memories agree upon. ❜ ❨1420❩ ❛ So long as human beings stay human, death and life are the same thing. ❜ ❨1421❩ ❛ If both the past and the external world exist only in the mind, and if the mind itself is controllable—what then? ❜ ❨1422❩ ❛ The lie became the truth. ❜ ❨1423❩ ❛ It is like swimming against a current that sweeps you backwards however hard you struggle. ❜ ❨1424❩ ❛ Turn round and go with the current instead of opposing it. ❜ ❨1425❩ ❛ It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything. ❜ ❨1426❩ ❛ I don’t want to die without any scars. ❜ ❨1427❩ ❛ This is your life and it’s ending one moment at a time. ❜ ❨1428❩ ❛ You know how they say you only hurt the ones you love? Well, it works both ways. ❜ ❨1429❩ ❛ You are not your job, you’re not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. ❜ ❨1430❩ ❛ You are not special. ❜ ❨1431❩ ❛ You’re not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else. ❜ ❨1432❩ ❛ The things you used to own, now they own you. ❜ ❨1433❩ ❛ Today is the sort of day where the sun only comes up to humiliate you. ❜ ❨1434❩ ❛ Maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves. ❜ ❨1435❩ ❛ Only after disaster can we be resurrected. ❜ ❨1436❩ ❛ Everything is evolving, everything is falling apart. ❜ ❨1437❩ ❛ We’ve all been raised believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. ❜ ❨1438❩ ❛ Don’t you have other things to do? ❜ ❨1439❩ ❛ Prove you’re alive. If you don’t claim your humanity you will become a statistic. ❜ ❨1440❩ ❛ You have been warned. ❜ ❨1441❩ ❛ If you don’t know what you want, you end up with a lot you don’t. ❜ ❨1442❩ ❛ It’s not love or anything, but I think I like you, too. ❜ ❨1443❩ ❛ If I could wake up in a different place, at a different time, could I wake up as a different person? ❜ ❨1444❩ ❛ Why did I cause so much pain? ❜ ❨1445❩ ❛ The lower you fall, the higher you’ll fly. ❜ ❨1446❩ ❛ Maybe self-improvement isn’t the answer, maybe self-destruction is the answer. ❜ ❨1447❩ ❛ May I never be complete. May I never be content. May I never be perfect. ❜ ❨1448❩ ❛ Everyone smiles with that invisible gun to their head. ❜ ❨1449❩ ❛ We are not special. We are not crap or trash, either. We just are. We just are, and what happens just happens. ❜ ❨1450❩ ❛ The girl is infectious human waste. ❜ ❨1451❩ ❛ I want to destroy everything beautiful I’ll never have. ❜ ❨1452❩ ❛ On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero. ❜ ❨1453❩ ❛ If you could be either God’s worst enemy or nothing, which would you choose? ❜ ❨1454❩ ❛ It is like you’re never really awake; but you’re never really asleep. ❜ ❨1455❩ ❛ Worker bees can leave. Even drones can fly away. The Queen is their slave. ❜ ❨1456❩ ❛ A moment is the most you could ever expect from perfection. ❜ ❨1457❩ ❛ The people you’re trying to step on, we’re everyone you depend on. ❜ ❨1458❩ ❛ You have to give up! ❜ ❨1459❩ ❛ Reject the basic assumptions of civilisation, especially the importance of material possessions. ❜ ❨1460❩ ❛ Without pain, without sacrifice we would have nothing. ❜ ❨1461❩ ❛ You have to realise that someday you will die, Until you know that, you are useless. ❜ ❨1462❩ ❛ A tiger can smile. A snake will say it loves you. ❜ ❨1463❩ ❛ Lies make us evil. ❜ ❨1464❩ ❛ If you died right now, how would you feel about your life? ❜ ❨1465❩ ❛ You always kill the one you love. ❜ ❨1466❩ ❛ Maybe we should always assume the worst. ❜ ❨1467❩ ❛ Put a gun to my head and paint the wall with my brains. ❜ ❨1468❩ ❛ Which is worse? Hell or nothing? ❜ ❨1469❩ ❛ A minute of perfection is worth the effort. ❜ ❨1470❩ ❛ You’re going to die, tonight. You might die in one second or in one hour, you decide. ❜ ❨1471❩ ❛ Lie to me. Tell me the first thing off the top of your head. Make something up. ❜ ❨1472❩ ❛ I don’t give a shit. I have a gun. ❜ ❨1473❩ ❛ I know who you are. I know where you live. ❜ ❨1474❩ ❛ Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of your life. ❜ ❨1475❩ ❛ My philosophy of life is that I can die at any moment. And the tragedy of my life is that I do not. ❜ ❨1476❩ ❛ Everything is so far away, a copy of a copy of a copy. You can’t touch anything and nothing can touch you. ❜ ❨1477❩ ❛ There are a lot of things we don’t want to know about the people we love. ❜ ❨1478❩ ❛ We just had a near-life experience. ❜ ❨1479❩ ❛ If people think you are dying, they give you their full attention. They listen instead of just waiting for their turn to speak. ❜ ❨1480❩ ❛ I am nothing, and not even that. ❜ ❨1481❩ ❛ This isn’t really death. —- We’ll be legends. We won’t grow old. ❜ ❨1482❩ ❛ Stop trying to control everything and just let go. Let go. ❜ ❨1483❩ ❛ The amazing miracle of death, when one second you’re walking and talking, and the next second you’re an object. ❜ ❨1484❩ ❛ Only if we’re caught and punished can we be saved. ❜ ❨1485❩ ❛ I never thought about how important the sky was until I didn't have one. ❜ ❨1486❩ ❛ Dreams are like that: they go in and out of memories and scenes, but they're never real. They're never real, and I hate them because they aren't. ❜ ❨1487❩ ❛ Power isn’t control at all — power is strength, and giving that strength to others. ❜ ❨1488❩ ❛ A leader isn’t someone who forces others to make him stronger. ❜ ❨1489❩ ❛ A leader is someone willing to give his strength to others that they may have the strength to stand on their own. ❜ ❨1490❩ ❛ In the end, we are alone. ❜ ❨1491❩ ❛ It is like a piece of my soul is lost, empty. ❜ ❨1492❩ ❛ If my life on Earth must end, let it end with a promise. Let it end with hope. ❜ ❨1493❩ ❛ Sorry? Sorry isn't enough. ❜ ❨1494❩ ❛ Every single thing I ever loved is beyond my reach now. Everything I ever wanted. Everything I ever was. ❜ ❨1495❩ ❛ Will you stay with me? ❜ ❨1496❩ ❛ A leader doesn't make pawns - he makes people. ❜ ❨1497❩ ❛ Do you hear that? The pulse of life from your heart, the slow in-and-out from your lungs? Even when you are silent, even when you block out all noise, your body is still a cacophony of life. Mine is not. ❜ ❨1498❩ ❛ It is the silence that drives me mad. The silence that drives the nightmares to me. ❜ ❨1499❩ ❛ There is nothing between us but rain. There is nothing between us at all. ❜ ❨1500❩ ❛ I like a little chaos. ❜

[marshmallowgoop]

Spoilers for the ninth Detective Conan OVA, "The Stranger From 10 Years Later."

Realistically, out-of-universe, I know it's little more than fanservice. It's a peek at what a popular recurring character's future could be, a snapshot of how things may turn out for him. But in-universe, I can't help thinking about the implications of 26- or 27-year-old Heiji's short cameo appearance in Shinichi's literal fever dream.

There's an immense level of detail to the entire scenario. The tree in the Kudo yard has grown taller, downtown Tokyo is littered with new buildings and renovated old ones, a high school teacher's face is lined with more wrinkles than he ought to have after a mere "few months." It's a vibrant, breathing world that Shinichi's imagined—one that indicates to me that he's deeply considered the possibility of never returning to his old life. He's walked by his home, in a body so small that he can't even unlock the gate, and thought to himself, "One day, that tree will tower over the fence, but I'll still be stuck as tiny Conan." He's ruminated about it, wondered and speculated and deliberated, how the city around him will change while he hasn't been allowed to, not in the way he wants.

And he's done the same concerning Heiji. And... it's positive. Immensely so.

Interviewer: For today, we'll be interviewing... The famous detective from Naniwa, Hattori Heiji-san! He has brilliantly solved numerous intricate cases and is now recognized all over Japan! He's even opened his own detective agency!

Or, at least, it is at first, anyway. It's quickly revealed that Heiji and Kazuha's relationship hasn't progressed in the slightest, which, while obviously not a particularly favorable outcome for either of them, does say something about Shinichi. Because you could argue that Shinichi envisions Heiji living the life that he himself so desperately desires. You could say that the true purpose of Heiji's appearance in this OVA is to accentuate the future that Shinichi craves but cannot have, not yet and never as himself, where he's the mastermind behind a thriving, well-renowned detective agency, where an interview with him is unquestioningly broadcast on a huge screen overlooking Tokyo streets, where busy passersby stop in place, look up, and listen to what he has to say.

And... where he's also popular with girls.

Heiji is known as "The Lady-Killer of Naniwa" in Shinichi's imagination, and especially early in the manga, Shinichi does explicitly enjoy that kind of attention (File 10, included as File 1 in Volume 2, spells this out directly).

Interviewer: I've heard that the young ladies have a certain nickname for Hattori-san... "The Lady-Killer of Naniwa."

But the fact that Heiji and Kazuha have gotten nowhere points me elsewhere. This isn't an idealized fantasy that Shinichi wishes he could have for himself in the slightest. Ran is his dream. The emotional heart of this special, the dominant, overarching tragedy, is how Conan's overwriting and erasure of Shinichi prevents him from being with his lifelong love. There's no way that Shinichi would ever imagine a "happy end" that's anything like what Heiji and Kazuha have going on in this OVA.

So, what does Shinichi's conception of 26- or 27-year-old Heiji mean? A few things:

Even in this nightmarish "bad end," Shinichi cannot conceive of a life without Heiji, just as he cannot conceive of a life without Ran. It's unthinkable.

Shinichi wholeheartedly believes that Heiji will be wildly successful in his career.

Shinichi wholeheartedly believes that Heiji is so attractive and good-looking that of course he'll be wildly popular with women. Undoubtedly.

tl;dr, Shinichi's thought about Heiji's future, and those thoughts are really essentially, "Yeah, there's no way that my boy Hattori isn't going to have his own fantastic detective agency one day, and also, he's a hunk, so he'll be called 'The Lady-Killer of Naniwa.'"

Seriously.

[fandomfluffandfuck]

I know there's a LOT of love out there for shrunkyclunks (re: twink, modern day Bucky with Captian America Steve) and I do love me some modern Bucky and Cap Steve. I really really do. However, may we consider-

Captain America Steve and modern, not twink but silver fox Bucky?

Silver fox Bucky that isn't as old as Steve, obviously, but he is older. Mature with a youthful soul, playful as a cat still believing itself to be a kitten despite greying fur.

Steve is 26, 27, 28 while Bucky is in his late 40s, crossing the bridge to his 50s.

Particularly, I'm picturing silver fox Bucky that has fully grey hair, root to tips, because he started going grey early. (His beard also grows out grey when he doesn't shave.) His hair usually is pinned back, it's long enough to arrange into a messy yet effortlessly gorgeous bun- he jokes that he's got to keep it long while he still has it while knowing that there's no male pattern baldness in his family. Really, he likes it. Also, Bucky likes how much Steve likes it. Those grey-blue eyes look more blue than ever, next to his faded hair and emphasized by handsome crows feet. Smile lines have never looked more gorgeous than they do on Bucky. Readers for particularly small fonts - needed after years of squinting at screens on the job (medical engineering has a lot more computer models and spread sheets than you would even think naturally) - have never been so intimate to see. It has never been so intimate, precious to watch someone power down for the evening, stepping out of work clothes and into sweats, shaking out his hair, and putting his glasses on.

Looks aside, Steve feels his real age around Bucky (among feeling all the butterflies). He feels like he is only in his 20s, his partner older and guiding his gently, elegantly through the world. Affectionate. Careful. Steve is so, so in love with him; he is his partner but also his mentor in some ways.

Steve feels his age around Bucky, refreshingly. He falls asleep with his head in Bucky's lap in the evening, wanting to continue watching the movie on the TV set, flickering over his tired features, of which isn't actually filmed with explosions and blood but have instead been added after. With special effects that look like real life, impossibly. He uses slang that he's picked up from Sam and Nat, common among their generation, and Bucky, confused, will look up from whatever he's doing to say, "the hells that, Stevie?" Because he's heard that before, sure, he just doesn't know the meaning. And he's never asked for fear of judgement for not being hip and with the kids. Steve will watch Bucky wince as he gets up in the morning, naked with sheets falling gracefully from his bare skin, lit warmly, and laugh softly when his partner grumbles, "be glad you don't age, Stevie, it fuckin' sucks," because he slept wrong. He'll have a crick in his neck for the rest of the day.

The nickname Bucky gives him in of itself makes Steve feel young. It feels warm every time it comes off of his tongue. It feels like a hand ruffling through his hair. Like an older kid trying to get under his skin. Stevie.

Most notably though, looking at Bucky, Steve is not afraid of time. He is not afraid of age- of aging.

Steve does not see time as a weapon of hurt and loss, looking between Bucky's face and the photographs of him in his youth (or even looking back at photos of him when he was Steve's current age). He sees stories of love and laughter and happiness painted joyously over his skin. He sees lived knowledge, wisdom (as cliché as it is), and acceptance of the self...

[swiftdove]

prompt list

prompts

1. “i don’t love you anymore.”

2. “if anyone ever tells you they’re interested in you beyond getting laid, they’re a fucking liar.”

3. “i’m not yours. don’t call me yours.”

4.“you know what? fuck you.”

4. “i cheated. many, many times. and i regret absolutely nothing.”

5. “please, don’t shut me out.”

6. “you’re not okay! stop telling me you’re okay!”

7. “are you bleeding?”

8. “just go.” “but-“ “leave, now!”

9. “did you ever realize that you were hurting me? or did you just not care?”

10. “oh my god, what the hell are you doing here?”

11 “you aren’t the person i fell in love with years ago.”

12. “we should take a break.”

13. “how could anyone ever love you?”

14. “i don’t believe you. not one bit.”

15. “you lying piece of shit!”

16. “what happened to us? really, what the fuck happened?”

17. “they’re dead.”

18. “i want you out of my house. right now.”

19. “i’m exhausted.”

20. “you were supposed to be there for me. and you weren’t. you weren’t there.”

21. “i never wanna see you again.”

22. “if you ever think about calling me again, don’t.”

23. “i’m disappointed. really.”

24. “who? ..wait, you’re talking about [name]? honey, they died a couple months ago.”

25“you’re amazing, really. but i love them. not you.”

26“you are the most inconvenient person ever.”

27“frankly, i don’t give a fuck.”

28“do you have to be such a damn nuisance?”

29“don’t look at me like that.” “like what?” “like you care about me.”

30“it was so incredibly easy to manipulate you.”

31“i always wondered why you chose me.. now, i know. it was all a lie.”

32“no, there is no second chance! you lost every single chance with me when you thought of our relationship as a fucking bet!”

33“don’t think for one second that i ever cared about you. you’d be lying to yourself.”

34“please, even if you’re lying, just tell me you love me.”

35“i’d rather die than look at you for another second.”

36“don’t you have somewhere to be? other people to fuck? or do you only do that when you’re in a relationship—“

37“when will you get the hint? i don’t fucking like you!”

38“you aren’t coming back, are you?”

39“it’s been a year since they died, and it still feels the same. like i’m being suffocated.”

40“god, no wonder your ex-partner left you.”

41“i didn’t think you’d be the one to break my heart.”

42“i’m not the type of person you should fall in love with.”

43“if you walk out of that door, i’ll hate you for as long as i live.”

44“i wonder why people care about you when you’re not worth the stress.”

45“don’t come any closer.”

46“i only have a couple days left.”

47“you didn’t mean that, right? right?”

48“how many times do you expect me to forgive you?”

49“ i wish i'd known when you were born that you were going to betray me like this. ”

50“ i never expected this from you. ”

51“ have you hit your head? ”

52“ are you in your senses? ”

53“ are you doing drugs? ”

54“ what have i done to deserve this? ”

55“ i raised you like my own child and this is how you pay me back? ”

56“ why would you betray us like this? ”

57“ you've disgraced me. ”

58“ our reputation will be ruined. ”

59“ we're going to be the next talk of town. ”

60“ you will make a fool out of us. ”

61“ you have made a fool out of us. ”

62“ have you no respect for us? ”

63“ we expressly forbade you . ”

64“ i'm so disgusted i can't even — ”

65“ you will cut all ties with her . ”

66“ no more. you will stop this now, you will stop meeting with her. ”

67“you don’t have to tell me. but if you do decide you want to, i’ll be here.”

68“you’re being way too nice to me.”

69“relax, i won’t hurt you.”

70“i had to clean up your mess. again.”

71"you can't expect me to apologize."

72“Why can’t you just learn to let the fuck go.”

73“Did it over occur to you that I never wanted this to begin with?”

74“Why can’t you just look at me for one god damn second!”

75“Let go of my hand.”

76“I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

77“Why are you — saying all these things —”

78“You know what? I was wrong. You never really meant anything to me. You’re broken, you’re beyond fixing, you’re not something I want to take the time to handle. Simple as that.”

79“You’re a god damn mistake, that’s what you are.”

80“I never wanted anything to do with you to begin with.”

81“This, us, was a fucking mistake and I should have known the second things went further than planned.”

82“I can’t do this anymore.”

83“I don’t want anything to do with you anymore.”

84“If anything, you were a fucking waste of time.”

85“I just don’t feel anything anymore.”

86“Looking at you I see nothing but something I need to put an end to.”

87“Oh? Really? You thought we had a future? What gave you that idea.”

88“Is this even going anywhere?”

89“Why can’t we just talk about it —”

90“Does it ever occur to you that I am done talking? That I am done with reflecting upon my words and action? Can’t you just take a fucking hint that I’m done with you? I don’t want anything to do with you anymore.”

91“We’re through. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

92“You were broken to begin with.”

93“I don’t need, or want help, what I want is for you to get the fuck away from me.”

94“You’re damaged goods and I can’t find the patience to take on you as a project.”

95“I just wanted you to love me.”

96“Don’t you dare touch me”

97“You let them do this to me!”

98“You don’t deserve this pain”

99“Why don’t you go crying to them then, huh? That’s what you did last time”

100“I can’t kiss you knowing that they kissed you too”

101. “Leave”

102. “I told you to stay away from me”

103. “I can’t believe you forgot”

104. “All you care about is yourself”

105 “I thought I told you to never come back here”

106 “I can’t even look at you”

107 “This is what your selfishness did!”

108 “You are evil, cruel, foul and you break everything you touch”

109 “It’s okay if you don’t blame yourself because I sure do”

110 “Please don’t leave me here”

111 “Every time I try to fix something I just make it worse”

112“I’m not as stupid as you think I am.”

113 “You really don’t get it, do you?”

114 "No! You said you wouldn't do it, and yet here we are!"

115. “tell me, which part of me wasn’t enough?”

116. “their blood’s on your hands, even if you can’t see it. and you can never wash it off.”

117. “i’m sorry i’m not what you signed up for.”

118. “I’m not worth it”

119. "Well done. You've officially pushed away everyone that's ever given a fuck about you."

120. “When did you stop loving me?”

121. “Don’t you think you’ve done enough?”

122. “How did things go so wrong?”

123. “When did things fall apart?”

124. “Which part of me wasn’t enough?”

125. “How do I make you love me again?”

126. “Please answer me.”

127 “Nothing ever goes right!”

128 “Why do you have to ruin everything?!”

129 “Why do you hate me so much?”

130 “Things will be better this way.”

131. “I swear to god if you jump-”

132 “I trusted you.”

133“I never thought this would happen.”

134 “This is all my fault.”

135. “You’re supposed to be yelling at me! And… and hitting me! Why aren’t you doing that?!”

136. “The body is what gets us caught”

137. “I’m not flipping a coin to decide whether or not I go to jail tonight.”

138. “That’s not on me, it’s on you.”

139. “I’m not the person you think I am. And I can’t tell you what that means or what I’ve done.”

140. “What did you do to him?”

141. “And that makes it okay?”

142. “Are you afraid to die?”

143. “What would you do if I didn’t come back?”

144. “I just wanted a family.”

145. “So pick. Who do you hate more? Me or the man who killed your father?”

146. “Can you really blame me?”

147 “How could you do this?”

148 “Can you be the one to do it?”

149. “Does this mean what I think it means?”

150. “Are you leaving?”

151. “How do we fix this?”

152 “Would you hate me?”

153 “Do you want to die?”

154“How many more innocent people have to die?”

155 “Can you promise me no one else has to get hurt?”

156. “ stop doing that— stop trying to hide your emotions from me. ”

157 “ i can’t make you trust me. but i’m gonna stick around long enough for you to realize you can. ”

158 “Don’t just run off like that, you scared me.”

159 “ not everyone is just gonna become another scar. some people will stay, if you let them. ”

160. “ i feel like i’ve been living in a storm for so long, like i’m just drifting from wave or wave hoping i won’t drown. ”

161 “ what happened to you? what made you so scared to stay still long enough to let someone in? ”

162 “ i don’t wanna be scared anymore. ”

163 “Admitting that I’m right is always a good option.”

164 “ even when you smile, your eyes are still sad. ”

165 “ you’re safe with me. you can let go. breathe. ”

166“ every time i touch you, there’s a moment where you look like you think it will hurt. ”

167 “ why aren’t you scared of me? ”

168. “ you’d accept a caress from the same hands that leave you bruised, just to feel warm. ”

169. “ i’ll kill anyone that makes you hurt like that again. i’d kill them just for taking your smile. ”

170. “ i want to keep you all to myself. i don’t want anyone but us to know the things we do in secret. ”

171. “ yes. i killed them— but i did it for you. ”

172.“ i had to do it. no one gets to make you sad and get away with it. ”

173 “It’s too early to get up. Let’s stay a little longer.”

174"Hey wait a minute, is- is that blood?"

175“i think i’m depressed but who knows.”

176 “I thought you were better than this.”

177 “Please come home.”

178 “I wish I didn’t miss you anymore.”

179 “Did you ever really care for me?”

180 “Was there a time when you weren’t laughing at me on the inside? You lied the whole time..”

181 “Liar! How could do you this do me?”

182. “I spent every day thinking about you..”

183. “Did you really have to do that to me?”

184. “How do you expect me to forget what you’ve done!”

185. “You need a break from all that work. Come lay down.”

[semisgroupie]

Day 27: Stepcest | Daichi Sawamura

Daichi Sawamura x Fem. Reader

Word Count: 862 words

Warnings: stepcest, masturbation (f! and m!), daddy kink, unprotected sex, creampie, mention of a dildo

Synopsis: Daichi knows what he's feeling is wrong but when he finally acts on his urges it just feels so right

Kinktober Masterlist | Taglist Form

Even after their relationship ended, Sawamura stayed involved in your life. He even let you live with him when you were in that in between stage of you graduating school and finding a job, until you got back on your feet and had a source of income.

Well that’s what he told himself but the more he saw you around the more he wanted to keep you with him. He couldn’t deny how beautiful you were and you made it quite difficult for him to keep his hands to himself whenever you looked at him with those pretty big eyes or whenever you wore a dress that showed off your figure.

He knew it was wrong to look at you the way he did. You still called him daddy for god’s sake! It had been a couple years since he and your mom ended things but you still called him daddy. He knew it was wrong for him to lust over you.

Most of all he knew it was wrong to be doing what he was doing now.

He shouldn’t be listening to you like this, listening and watching you like this. He heard your whimpers and moans of his name while he was walking past your room to go to bed and he couldn’t just walk away.

Your door was left a crack open, just enough for him to peek in and watch how you thrusted that pathetic dildo inside you. It was thin, no bigger than 5 maybe 6 inches, nothing compared to him. His mind started to wander, was that all you could handle? What would your reaction be when he had his cock lined up with your entrance? All the possible reactions and the sound of your whimpers of his name mixed with “daddy” made his cock throb.

He knew it was wrong to pull down the waistband of the shorts he was wearing and take his throbbing cock out. He knew it was wrong to spit on his hand and start pumping his cock in time with your thrusts. He knew it was wrong to get closer to the door, knowing that if he moved his hand too far he’d hit the door and that was what he did.

He quickly tucked himself back in his pants and peeked his head through the opening of the door, meeting your gaze filled with shock and need.

“D-Daddy?”

You barely covered yourself with your blanket, he could still see the dildo next to you and how it was completely slick with your juices. You sounded like you were close to cumming, like you were right on the edge when he interrupted you. He sucked in a deep breath and went inside the room, he noticed how you looked down at his barely covered boner with wide eyes.

“I heard you calling me babygirl, did you need daddy to help you cum? You know I could do a much better job than that dildo.”

Even he couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. It was like an out of body experience for him, he was driven by his need and by your reaction you had the same need. Without saying anything more he moved the blanket covering you and moved in between your legs.

Oh how he wanted to just dive in and lap at your pussy but he needed to fuck you, plus there would always be another time where he could take the time to savor you. He pulled down his shorts and chuckled at your small gasp.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle.”

He stroked himself a couple times before sinking himself into you, your walls gripping him tightly, your lips parting as small gasps and whimpers left you. It was the perfect sight, if he could take a picture he would and keep it in his wallet and frame it in his bedroom to always look at it.

He slowly bottomed out and leaned down to capture your lips in his as he started thrusting. You felt perfect around him, better than any fantasy he had. Before he knew it he started thrusting faster, clutching your hips as tight as he could as he pounded into you.

“Fuck babygirl you feel too good around my cock. Too fucking good.”

All you could do was respond to him with a string of moans. He filled you better than any toy ever could and he was able to make your eyes roll back with just one thrust. It didn’t take long for you to cum around his cock, the combination of your interrupted orgasm from earlier and how he fucked you had you creaming around his cock quickly. He followed soon after you, filling you with ropes of cum as he groaned your name. He leaned down and peppered kisses across your skin as the both of you caught your breath.

“I wanted to do that for so long babygirl. For so fucking long.”

You smiled as his lips finally met your and you wrapped your arms around his neck pulling him in even closer.

“Me too daddy. I’m glad you finally made a move.”

Kinktober Taglist: @messofavs @thithesandofferings @violet-memento @slutawara​ @ruemensukuna @https-inarizaki @xo-lynx​ @megumitodoroki @angelashido​ @bigdaddyzawa​ @hq-girl-next-door ​ @loyal-to-my-dilf @imitski ​@starlessnyx​ @rosesandtoshi @aitanii @yamigooops @tirzamisu @misslovingpearl @omiikeii @usagikook @elektraeriseros (strike through means I can’t tag you)

[n0-im-dirty-dan]

U-Hauling to Planet Earth Legacy Challenge

This is a 10-generation, alien-based legacy challenge! I created this legacy impulsively & wanted an excuse to play with aliens more. I like having colorful sims & since aliens are hella lame, I thought it’d be fun to create a legacy challenge surrounding them.

Basic Rules:

Each heir must be an alien (don’t ACTUALLY have to be aliens cuz ik how annoying they can be, at least look like it)

Heirs don’t have to be color-coded 

Heirs don’t have to be color-coded

Spouses/lovers don’t have to color-coded

If you are playing with occult aliens, spouse has to be alien otherwise their offspring will be human

Only money cheat allowed is “freerealestate on”

You may live wherever you please unless specified

Keep the lifespan on “Normal”

If you want to share your gameplay of this challenge, post with #uhaulingtoplanetearth or #uhtpe for short

I would like to thank @berryconfetti & @wlwsims4 for helping me with this challenge 

Generation 01: Orange 🍊

Growing up, your parents told you stories about a planet far away from Sixam. Tales about the different sims & biomes. Oh! And the food. Now that drew your attention. You LOVE food and trying out new flavors. You made it a life goal to become a chef- the only thing is the food on Sixam is bland. So you buckled up and traveled across the galaxy to taste something new.

Traits: Foodie, Loner, Ambitious

Aspiration: Master Chef

Career: Chef

Rules:

Have 1 set of twins, & only those kids (you may cheat for this)

Master the Chef career & complete the Master Chef aspiration

Master the Cooking & Gourmet Cooking skills

Break up with your lover after having kids & stay single for the rest of your life to focus on your family & career

Learn all of the 27 City Living recipes

Generation 02: Blue 🌌

Whenever your parent wasn’t obsessing over their unhealthy devotion to food, they’d tell you and your sibling about their past at Sixam. That little sparkle in their eyes when they reminisce caused the sparkles in yours. And thus started your passion for the stars.

Traits: Geek, Childish, Self-Assured

Aspiration: Nerd Brain

Career: Interstellar Smuggler (Astronaut)

Rules:

Have at least 2 children

Master the Astronaut career & complete the Nerd brain aspiration

Master the Rocket Science skill & get to at least level 8 of the Fitness skill

Build a rocket ship & travel to Sixam

Be “Good Friends” with all of your kids

Complete the Alien & Space Rock collection

Generation 03: Yellow 📒

You always saw the magic and wonder in everything around you. For you, nothing is impossible as long as you believe in it. So why not use your child-like wonder to inspire others with a sheet of paper and a pencil.

Traits: Creative, Cheerful, Perfectionist

Aspiration: Bestselling Author

Career: Writer

Rules:

Master the Writer career & complete the Bestselling Author aspiration

Master the Writing skill

Travel to another country (world) to gather inspiration for a book, until a sim catches your eye

Max out 2 other skills of your choosing

Once married, live in the country where you & your spouse met

Read your toddler(s) to sleep every night

Have your kids be close to the previous heir until they die

Generation 04: Bubblegum Pink 🩰

While words on a sheet of paper didn’t speak to you, music did. Even as a toddler the only thing you did was dance and sing. If your parent managed to make their childhood dreams come true, then so could you!

Traits: Music Lover, Self-Absorbed, (You Choose)

Aspiration: Musical Genius

Career: Musician (Entertainer)

Rules:

Master the Musician career & complete the Musical Genius aspiration

Master the Dance, Singing, & Piano skills & reach at least 8 of the Guitar skill

Turns out loving yourself more than your spouse isn’t a good thing, your spouse divorces you in your Adult years

Stay single after the divorce, you don’t need anybody else

Become a 5-Star Celebrity

Generation 05: Mint 🧼

The life of fame was NOT for you. The cameras in your face, having no privacy- it was all too much. So you moved from that life and settled for something quieter. You always wanted to have a loving family and to never have your kids experience what you went through.

Traits: Family-Oriented, Cat or Dog Lover, Neat

Aspiration: Big Happy Family

Career: Stay-at-Home Parent

Rules:

Master the Parenting skill & reach level 6 of the Wellness skill

Complete the Big Happy Family aspiration

Yikes! Turns out your partner lied when they said your alien origins didn’t bother them- you guys break up

Later get married to an alien who’s in a Business career & has the Good trait

Have kids with both sims (at least 3 in total)

All of your kids are straight-A students

Adopt at least one child

Own a dog or a cat

Generation 06: Purple 🍇

One thing you adored about planet earth is the lush green foliage. You could never compare the beauty of nature to anything, nor do you want to. It devastated you when you realized how much sims didn’t care for it. Luckily, they have you to fix it for them.

Traits: Loves Outdoors, Squeamish, (You Choose)

Aspiration: Freelance Botanist

Career: Conservationist 

Rules:

Move to Sulani

Master the Gardening & Logic skills

Own at least 10 plants

Complete the Conservationist career & the Freelance Botanist aspiration

All of your kids are go-getters! Have them join the scouts & max out at least 6 badges

Your spouse has the Lifeguard career

Have a “green holiday”, basically doing anything you can to make your life a little more green (cleaning, gardening)

Generation 07: Green 🍡

Picture this: you are traveling the world, learning about different customs and cultures. Sounds nice, doesn’t it? Well, if only you stepped away from the beach life would you achieve this dream. Yeah, the year-round Summer is nice but how can you do anything if you just laze around? It’s time to move out and use your restless energy for once, and it all starts with a trip to a country you’ve never seen before.

Traits: Adventurous, Outgoing, Mean

Aspiration: Beach Life, Mt. Komorebi Sightseer, Jungle Explorer

Career: None

Rules:

Take annual vacation trips to Mt. Komorebi during the winter

Master the Fitness & Selvadoradian Culture skills

Marry a sim with the same love for adventure, they also have the Adventurous trait (you find them during one of your trips)

Complete the Beach Life aspiration as a teen & complete the other two after (no specific order)

Have a group of friends that you stay in touch with until the day you die

Some people can’t handle the truth. Have at least 3 enemies

A Midsummer Night: a holiday to spend time with your friends (Bar-B-Que, Fire, Fireworks, Invite Guests, Water Fun)

Generation 08: White 🕊️

While the adventures your parents took you on were like no other, sometimes it’s nice to just relax and not live like the world’s ending tomorrow. You decided to stray away from traveling and to settle down instead. The only problem is, you have no idea what to do when it comes to romancing sims. Maybe your good sense of humor will save you.

Traits: Active, Unflirty, Goofball

Aspiration: Inner Peace

Career: Comedian (Entertainer)

Rules:

Master the Wellness & Comedy skills

Have 3 failed relationships due to your incompetence before finding someone who’s able to deal with it

Complete the Inner Peace inspiration

Only have children with the successful relationship

Sheesh, you should’ve been more careful! Have 5 kids

Generation 09: Red 🍎

You love to learn about the earth and share your newfound knowledge with the world. And what's a better way to share it other than joining the Education career! Too bad you didn't realize how much it would affect you or your family.

Traits: Genius, High Maintenance, (You Choose)

Aspiration: Academic

Career: Education

Rules:

Master the Research and Debate skill

Enroll into University & graduate (I use these two mods to help make it more enjoyable: Faster uni graduation & faster homework) If you can’t use mods, mastering the Research and Debate skill as well as having the “Study Spot” lot trait will help

Marry a co-worker

Being a teacher of any kind can be very stressful. Unfortunately, you have the habit of bringing it home from work. You have a bad relationship(s) with your kid(s)

Complete the Education career & Academic aspiration

Generation 10: Peach 🍑

You never had a sense of stability in your life. Your parent neglected you and your family for their career and honestly, you couldn't care any less. The experience made you determined to never have kids. What's the point when Earth has cute little animals that need your attention? Well, that was until you had a little accident.

Traits: Clumsy, Hot-headed, Noncommittal

Aspiration: Friend of the Animals

Career: Veterinarian

Rules:

Master the Pet Training & Veterinarian skills

Own at least 3 pets

Have one kid from a FWB situation, & only that kid

Own a 5-star vet clinic

You'd rather not be a 2.0 version of your parent, max your relationship with your child

Never date, only have flings

Never reconcile with your parent

[clone-whore-99]

Troublemaker

Chapter 1: Arriving at Kamino

The Bad Batch x f!Reader

Warnings: Angst, lots and lots of angst. Reader got plenty of issues, any issues you can think of? Reader probably got them. Reader needs a hug. LMK if I missed any

Authors note: So, this is probably going to be a series. Well, at least this is chapter one and I am already working on chapter two. This takes place pre-Empire and I'm planning for it to go on to Empire time. This might end up becoming an 18+ series, I'm not entirely sure yet.

If you like it, please do let me know by liking and commenting and maybe even reblogging, it would mean a lot to me 🥺👉👈

Chapter 2: Work, Armor and... Clones?

Chapter 3: Let it out

Chapter 4: You shouldn't have done that

Chapter 5: Talk about it

Chapter 6: The 20 Questions Game

Chapter 7: Crosshair

Chapter 8: Echoes of the Past

Chapter 9: The Fight

Chapter 10: A Nice Change of Air

Chapter 11: Sore Muscles

Chapter 12: Heavy Rain Weights the Mind

Chapter 13: Waste of Time

It wasn't your fault. It really wasn't! You had just done, what your parents always had told you to do - fight for what you believed was right and stand up for others. Which was exactly what you had done. How were you supposed to know that the bastard's dad was a senator? If he didn't want to get decked, he shouldn't have made those comments. You did nothing wrong.

And yet, here you were, on a shuttle heading to your dads apartment on Kamino. Working for the Republic, he had managed to pull some strings so that you could avoid prison. He had even made sure that if you managed to stay out of trouble, none of this would go on your permanent record.

Your dad had worked for the Republic for a long time. And when the war started, he was moved to Kamino to help out there. With what exactly? You had no idea. But it was important enough that he needed to be on call all 27 hours of the day, everyday. So, you hadn't really seen him for the past 3 years. And you barely heard from him. You had gotten a quick "Congrats" message, when you had graduated. That was about it. And then you were arrested for assaulting a senators son, and then you were told you were heading to Kamino to live with your dad, and then...

You felt tears starting to dwell up in your eyes, and your body began shaking. You were less than an hour away from your new home, and with each passing second you felt the anxiety and anger building up inside of you. It wasn't fair. You didn't want to see him. He had abandoned you. And now, he was making you live on some stupid military facility. You wanted to scream, to hit something, to throw a fit. But you couldn't. All you could do was sit still in this stupid shuttle and feel your anxiety grow, as you were heading to the last place in the galaxy you wanted to be.

"Welcome home, miss." You were greeted by a small service droid, an LEP-series if you were not mistaken. "I am L4-213, also known as Lazie. You have arrived sooner than anticipated, so the master will unfortunately not join you until much later. I have been tasked to escort you to your room, and take care of your needs."

"Riiiight," you just mutter, clutching your bag to you as you follow the droid. Of course dad wasn't going to be here. Why had you ever expected - no, hoped - for something else?

You let your eyes roam the hallways, the bright lights and white interior was almost painful to look at, especially after hours on a dark shuttle. A slight shiver ran down your back, it all felt so cold. No colors, only a few personal items and everything else was just, white and bright. It felt more like a hospital than a home, and it definitely didn't help with your already overwhelming anxieties.

You hadn't noticed the small droid stopping, so you accidentally bumped into it, causing it to tumble over. "Ooof, sorry!" you quickly said, and helped it back onto it's legs. "It is quite alright. I am not programmed to feel pain," Lazie assured you, before turning back to face the door. "This will be your room. We have already transported your belongings to it, so it should be easy to make yourself at home. Please do not hesitate to ask for anything you might need." And with that, the small bunny-looking droid ran off to somewhere else.

The room couldn't possible feel any less like home. It used to be an office, evident by the huge desk in the middle of the already rather small space. A bed had been placed far to the side against a wall, and the shelves had been cleared out for you. It was obviously all done very rushed. All of your belongings were still in boxes and bags, making the room seem impossibly even smaller. The only thing that somewhat made it appear more spacious was the huge window that covered an entire wall.

With a heavy 'thump' the bag you had been carrying hit the floor in sync with your sigh. You felt the burning of tears in your eyes again. You were contiplating whether or not you wanted to take a shower in hopes of washing away the long trip and all your worries, or if you just wanted to head straight to bed and get this day over with. But, before you could even decide, the door behind you whooshed open.

"Who are you?"

You had barely even processed the door opening, before the strange voice demanded to know your identity. You turned around to be met with a couple of accusatory eyes behind some googles. Even though the stranger was wearing armor, he couldn't possibly be a clone. You had seen clones before, plenty of times, and he definitely didn't look like one. And although you had never seen a kaminoan in real life, you were also pretty sure he wasn't one of those either.

You realised that you had just been staring at this stranger, rather than answering his question. Wait. He just appeared in your room. So why was he asking about who you were? He patted his empty blaster holster, before letting out an annoyed grunt. He hadn't taken his eyes off of you at any point, since entering the room, but he hadn't said anything else either. He was just standing there, looking angrily at you, waiting for your reponse. You just responded by returning the angry look. The stranger then brought his forearm closer to his mouth, while pressing down a botton.

"Sir, it appears a stranger has somehow gotten into your apartment." he adjustes his googles before continueing, "Human female, young adult." His eyes seemed to be looking at something you couldn't see, something on his googles. Wait, was he scanning you?

Static could be heard from what you assumed was a comlink, before your dads voice suddenly sprung to life. "What? Oh, oh, wait, shoot! No, don't shoot! Don't shoot! That's my daughter! Wait, what time is it? Eh, just wait right there, I will be there shortly!" He sounded... disoriented? Tired? When was the last time he had gotten a break from this job?

"I couldn't possible shoot her, even if I wanted to. I left my guns with you," the stranger replied, his tone a lot lighter by now. Actually, all of him seemed much lighter. His eyes weren't fixed angrily on you any longer, and his posture was way more relaxed. The call ended, and the stranger shifted his weight onto one leg, while resting his hand on his hip. "So, you're Laquan's daughter. Why didn't you just say so right away?"

"Because a stranger just randomly walked into my room... Ever heard of knocking?" your voice was hostile. You were on the verge of breaking down, but kept fighting it off for as long as possible.

"Well, in my defense, this used to be an office and I was tasked with receiving some blueprints." He said, as if it should've been obvious to you.

"Well, in my defense, this is now my room and I just arrived here and yoU'RE INTRUDING!" shoot, your voice was cracking and it didn't go unnoticed by the stranger.

He reached a hand out with a somewhat apologetic look in his eyes. He opened his mouth to say something, but you lunged at him before he could do so. You used all the strength you could muster to push him out, and for the first time that day, you felt fortunate as he didn't resist or fight back. He just let himself stumble back out of the room.

You had screamed something at him. You didn't know what. You heard the front door open and your dad yell barely a fragment of a second before you screamed. You then slammed your fist against the control panel, closing the door to your room in process.

You slid down against the wall to the floor. The tears that you had been fighting for days could no longer be held back. It was all too much. It wasn't your fault. It really wasn't.

Dividers by: @djarrex

Taglist:

@rain-on-kamino (this is what you wanted, right? ❤)

@zoeykallus

[crewfuweek]

Crewfu Appreciation Week 2022

This year, we’re celebrating the streamers we adore so dearly by devoting a whole week to them, so mark your calendars, because from 26th September until 2nd October, we’ll be running Crewfu Appreciation Week 2022!

Schedule:

Day 1, September 26  |  Favourite Streamer Appreciation

Day 2, September 27  |  Beyond The Clip

Day 3, September 28  |  Furry Friends Fest

Day 4, September 29  |  Alternate Universe 

Day 5, September 30  |  The Underdog Day

Day 6, October 1          |  A Gamer Moment

Day 7, October 2          |  Free choice

Rules/FAQ:

Content for any crewfu/morning lobby streamers (and crewfu-adjacent streamers) is more than welcome!

Please either tag this account in your posts, or use tag #crewfuweek2022, so I can reblog all your creations.

You can post content for each theme either on the day of the theme, or on any subsequent day. 

This whole event is rpf/shipping friendly. Therefore, all standard rpf rules apply - mainly no mentioning the event to ccs. Also, remember, no-one is required to create, or interact with, anything they aren’t comfortable with.

If you have any questions, send me an ask! :)

Additional descriptions/ideas for each day are under the cut.

Day 1   |   Favourite Streamer Appreciation Share some love for your favourite streamer – what is it about them that just keeps you crawling back? Is it their sense of humour? Their skill in games? Their dynamic with other streamers? Whatever your favourite things about the streamer are, this is your time to make them really shine.

Day 2   |   Beyond The Clip Is there a moment from the streams that lives in your head, rent-free? A clip you find yourself going back to, over and over again? Something that makes you stop and wonder– why? Be it a joke landing just right, a heartfelt moment, or an epic gaming win – everything is welcome.

Day 3  |   Furry Friends Fest No, not those furries (although– hey, whatever your heart desires). Give some appreciation to the streamers’ pets – they are all good babies who deserve lots of pats. And hugs. And treats. And love. You know what I mean.

Day 4   |   Alternate Universe Make an alternate universe and throw our beloved streamers in it! How would they bode in the Victorian era? Who could you see as a brave space explorer, fighting aliens left and right? If you had to recast the Office with streamers from the morning lobby, who would you choose? The world is your oyster!

Day 5   |   The Underdog Day Is there a streamer you believe deserves more love, a friendship that isn’t appreciated enough? Or perhaps there’s a moment from the stream everyone is sleeping on, a recurring joke that nobody but you seems to be aware of – whatever it might be, this day is all about bringing some light and love onto these little things.

Day 6   |   A Gamer Moment These gamers do be gaming a lot and it would be unfair to not have a day dedicated to that – so, what is your favourite game out of their repertoire? Do you love the nail-biting tension of a good Valorant clutch, the brain-workout of crosswords, or are you more entertained by watching impostors jump into vents? Our streamers are fairly cracked at all games they try their hands at, but do you ever wonder how they would do if they found themselves in one of those games?

Day 7   |   Free choice Create whatever your heart desires! Revisit one of the earlier themes, or come up with something completely new – the last day is all about appreciating our dear crewfu streamers in whatever way you deem the best.

Excited to see you all there! 🤍