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nereidprinc3ss · 5 months

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do you believe me now? | 5

in which spencer reid and fem!reader are reunited, but the worst kind of sparks are flying. you meet a man named randall. derek morgan buys you a drink (sort of). it seems that some things can't be unsaid.

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this series is 18+ warnings/tags: r goes to a bar but doesn't drink alcohol, gets hit on by weird men, dramatic, angst, sorry in advance a/n: surprise! i'll see myself out. love you! lmk your thoughts on this bad boy! i KNOW you'll have some! i'm locking all my doors and the cops are on speed dial after posting this. stay tuned for part six tho

You don’t call Spencer for four days.

Spencer doesn’t call you for four days.

It’s scary.

There’s some texting—mostly him giving you updates on how things are going and when he expects to be back. Mostly you giving the messages a thumbs up and saying nothing else.

Finally, on Thursday afternoon, his ringtone (the Bill Nye theme) makes you jump as you’re sitting on your bed staring into space.

His caller ID photo—which is simply his passport photo, because you’d thought it was adorable—stares at you. You stare back. Contemplate not picking up.

But you’re not quite there yet.

And you cannot keep listening to Bill Nye the Science Guy.

The answer button is cold under your thumb, but not as cold as your greeting.

“Hi.”

You barely recognize your own voice.

It seems to send Spencer for a loop as well, because his reply is halting.

“Hey! Hi, um—how are you? I feel like we’ve barely talked this week.”

That would be because you told me my feelings for you are stronger than your feelings for me and I don’t know how to stop making every single word I say secretly mean I love you. We can’t have a conversation without me loving you. It will always be in the room or on the phone with us. To ignore the presence of it is impossible, and I don’t know if I can ignore the absence of yours, either.

“Uh… yeah. I’m fine. What’s up?”

There’s a pause.

“We wrapped up this morning. We’re getting on the jet here in a few minutes, and, um—I know it’s not ideal, but we missed Derek’s birthday and Penelope is insisting we all go to his favorite bar tonight. And he told me that for his birthday he wants to meet you. So… would you be up for that?”

“You want… to take me to a bar?”

“No. I mean—I know it’s not really your thing, but we missed Derek’s birthday three years in a row, and—and I understand if you don’t want to meet him tonight, but we wouldn’t have to stay very long and I really, really shouldn’t skip it. Derek has saved my life on more than one occasion.”

“You could go without me.”

More silence. Every second hurts, but you don’t understand why he wants you to come meet his best friend if he thinks the two of you are in different places emotionally.

But maybe he’s not going to break up with you just yet. Maybe he’s going to keep inviting you to bars and foreign film festivals and bookshops. Maybe he’s going to treat you exactly the same as he always has but with this new added layer of knowledge that the way he treats you isn’t actually love, and it never was, and you’re not sure if it has the potential to ever become love. Because if it did—wouldn’t it have already? What more do you have to offer than what you’ve already given him?

Breakup or no breakup, you feel sick.

When he speaks his tone is similarly chilly. It’s welcome. You want him mad. If he can’t reciprocate your adoration, then the very least he can do is have the decency to reciprocate your reproach.

“I could. Is that what you want?”

No. I don’t want any of this. I need you to know me well enough to know that. And if you can’t love me then at least get angry. At least show me you feel something other than passive contentment.

“Yeah. Sure. I don’t know.”

A pause stretches so long your heart pounds. You watch the elapsed time of the call tick by, second by second, and you wait for the anticipation to crack under the weight of silence, to give way to some terrible jump scare or to give way at all.

But the words that end the conversation (if you can even call it that) aren’t any great relief. They’re just sad, and chalk full of defeat.

“Alright. I’ll… I’ll call you later.”

You feel like you’ve swallowed an ice cube. All the words you’d like to say are frozen in your stinging throat.

“Okay. Um… I’ll let you board now.”

“The jet’s not…” but he trails off. When he speaks again he sounds just as hurt as you’d wanted—and it doesn’t make you feel better at all. “Okay. Bye.”

“Bye.”

The line goes dead, and your face is burning as tears fill your eyes for the hundredth time this week. That call was terrible and poisonous and you don’t feel like yourself.

Things have gone so wrong so quickly, and all you know how to do is ice him out so he can’t do it to you first. But it’s not going to make this better. No matter how mean you are to him, at the root of it all you feel unloved and scared and alone and Spencer knows things about love and relationships that you don’t. He’s confusing you with all this talk of feeling differently about each other and I’ll be home tomorrow I miss you and things get complicated when one person likes the other more and let’s talk in person and will you come meet my best friend tonight. All of it leaves you motion sick and ugly crying in the fetal position.

All you have to get through this is who you’ve always been, a little of the person you’ve become, and the love you harbor for Spencer which rattles around in your chest like a nail in an empty toolbox. At the moment it hardly seems helpful. It mocks you, pointing out the pathetic hilarity of your paradox. The only person who can comfort you, the person you want more than anything, is the reason you’re so upset in the first place. But you can’t help being drawn to him.

Maybe the love you have for Spencer is more like a magnet in a compass.

Even if he doesn’t feel it for you, you do love Spencer. And that goes beyond just loving the parts of him that like you. To hide from that love would be a gross disservice to yourself and all the work you’ve done to get here. It’s not as if you suddenly know exactly what the answer is—but you’re sure that hiding is the most childish, cowardly thing you could do and the furthest you could get from a resolution. Even if you can’t make him love you back, you refuse to allow yourself to fizzle quietly out of his life. This relationship deserves something more than that.

So maybe you don’t have a plan when you wipe your eyes and pick up your phone. Maybe there’s no strategy behind your actions as you text Garcia for the bar location. But if you keep running from everything you’ll never get anywhere. All you can do is show up. It seems like the next best step.

------

The pub isn’t too crowded—but for a Thursday night, you suppose it’s a bit busy.

Boot heels hooked onto the metal foot-beam of the stool you’re sitting on, elbows resting on the polished mahogany surface of the bar, you’re staring into an untouched mixed drink. Then you glance down the bar to your right, at the man who’d bought it for you.

Maybe your ensemble gave him the wrong idea.

Coming to this gathering had required bravery, and you came armored. Your ensemble projects significantly more confidence than you’re currently feeling. It was intentional, a form of self-protection—but now you’re wondering if it’s projecting a little too much confidence.

All done up, clearly still a little rough around the edges, and sitting alone at a bar was bound to draw the wrong pairs of eyes.

“Hey, darlin’,” the gruff man says, approaching when you inadvertently catch his gaze. “Are you gonna drink that, or should I? Otherwise I’m lookin’ at eleven dollars right down the drain.”

You avert your eyes, scanning the groups dotted here and there.

“I’m waiting for friends.”

“Does that make a free drink less appealing?”

He takes the stool next to you, off-gassing the scent of cigarettes and leather.

“I’m not drinking.”

“Really? I’ve never seen a girl who looks as sad as you do come sit at the bar to stay sober.”

You frown, looking back up at the man next to you. He seems like the Hell’s Angels type—tattooed knuckles, leather jacket, grey beard, and a weathered face that’s clearly spent decades with the sun. Fifties, maybe younger and just looks more rugged. What does it say about how I look tonight that this is the kind of man I’m attracting, you wonder. Maybe you look desperate and just as lonely as you feel. As he claims you do.

“I’m not sad.”

“Alright. I’ll take your word for it. But a happier girl wouldn’t be all alone.”

“I’m waiting for friends,” you repeat, letting the words drip like venom from your tongue.

“I’m Randall. See? Now we're friends.”

“I don’t need more friends. I like the ones I have.”

Something catches Randall’s attention long enough to catch yours. He raises his bottle vaguely, gesturing beyond your shoulder.

“Are those angry lookin’ guys in the suits marching right over here the friends you’re talking about?”

You turn your head, brows furrowed, and immediately see the gentlemen to whom your new pal is pointing out.

Spencer is storming across the bar looking close to furious (which for him, means an expression so placid it gives you chills) followed by Derek Morgan—a man who you’ve only seen pictures of and is even more impressive in person.

You hate how your breath catches, how your heart is already beating a little faster than usual at the sight of him even though you’re not exactly pleased with each other right now.

Suddenly the bubbles in your cocktail are once again fascinating.

“Those are the ones.”

“And why are they dressed for church?”

Church?

“They’re FBI.”

“Ah. My lucky fuckin’ day.”

You almost snort.

“Hey,” Spencer says sternly, hand settling on your back as he partially fills the small space between you and the strange man. “Who’s this?”

You shrug, sit up a little straighter, and take a shallow breath—not because you’re scared of this man but because Spencer is suddenly so close to you and you can feel his warmth and the air bending around him and the scent of him is genuinely dizzying to you.

“Randall,” you exhale unenthusiastically. But the odd thing is that you’re rather grateful for Randall’s presence. Because now Spencer is here and you have no idea what you’re going to say to him.

“Oh,” Randall says, sipping his beer unhurriedly before using it to gesture to Spencer. “You’re the boyfriend. You know, that’s funny, because she didn’t mention a boyfriend.”

“I didn’t mention anything. We weren’t having a real conversation.”

Randy holds his hands up defensively, fingers still wrapped around the neck of a sweating bottle.

“I’m just saying it’s in-ter-esting. Not trying to start anything.” He stands, pauses for another sip—Spencer obviously isn’t sure what to make of this man because he says nothing. “But listen, man to man—you better buy her some flowers or a real pretty fuckin’ necklace or somethin’ because a happy girl in a happy relationship does not come pout at the bar all by herself.”

“Get out of here, man,” Derek finally speaks up.

“Yeah, yeah.” He sets his empty bottle down and fishes in his pocket for a cigarette, sticking it between his lips. “But—just for the record—I have a wife. I wasn’t gonna do anything weird. Sometimes when you’re my age you just gotta live a little. Buy a pretty girl a drink. Piss off some Mormons, or whatever the fuck you are.”

This guy sounds like a bad Bruce Springsteen song. But part of you would almost rather hang out with Randall than be forced into a conversation you’re not prepared for with Spencer.

And whose fault is that, you remind yourself. You decided to come be mature. Suck it up.

“Goodnight,” Derek emphasizes.

Spencer doesn’t say a word. You can feel his eyes boring smoking holes into the side of your face, and you look anywhere else.

“I’ll be here next week after physical therapy like clockwork,” the stranger waves as he ambles away—but not before pointing at you. “You enjoy that drink, friend. And don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

What a weird man.

There’s silence for a moment—in which Spencer refuses to stop watching you and you refuse to acknowledge that.

“And here I was thinking Spencer made you up.” Derek has a beautiful smile and a warm, charming cadence as he holds out his hand for you to shake. “I’m Derek.”

You take the proffered hand and shake, offering him a shy smile and introducing yourself in kind.

“Happy birthday, by the way. Sorry for crashing your party.”

Really, he’s stunning.

“Thank you, sweetheart. And you’re not crashing anything. I told pretty boy here I wanted to meet you the second he started talking about a friend. But nah, he just wanted to talk and talk and talk about you—”

“Alright,” Spencer mumbles, blushing, eyes finally torn from your profile. You smile slightly, brows knitting as Derek magically melts some of the terrible tension.

“Pretty boy?”

Before either of them can explain, someone shrieks in your general direction. You startle backward in your seat, and Spencer steps closer, hand sliding up your back as Penelope, JJ, and Emily join your little huddle. For only a second you allow yourself to shrink into him—before you’re straightening your posture like your spine is a metal rod and his touch burns. It’s a knee-jerk defensive reaction for which you have no explanation. You can’t see him, but you don’t feel his hand on you again.

“Oh my god! Look at this beautiful person who I love!” Penelope exclaims, pushing past Derek to grab your face and kiss both of your cheeks. “Oh my god,” she says again, wiping sticky lipgloss away with her thumbs, “I totally meant to ask before I did that. But your face is just so kissable. I’m so glad you decided to come!”

“Hi, Penelope,” you smile half-heartedly, incapable of reciprocating her cheery mood. Fortunately, she’s cheery enough for a standard commercial flight’s worth of people, and probably thinks of Derek’s birthday as a national holiday—so she doesn’t pick up on this.

Emily and JJ offer you tamer although perfectly kind greetings.

“Ooh, what are you drinking?” Emily asks, leaning closer to examine the forgotten beverage in front of you.

“Not that,” Spencer mutters, grabbing the glass and sliding it away from you. You give him an affronted look—and immediately wish you hadn’t, since you’re meeting his eyes for the first time since he left. His words stall for just a moment as his eyes dart between yours before he’s saying, “you shouldn’t accept a drink if you didn’t watch someone make it.”

The audacity of him to be acting protective makes you scoff.

“That guy didn’t spike my drink. He was harmless.”

“People thought Ted Bundy was harmless, too.”

It’s such a ridiculous thing to say that you don’t even have a response—your eyes simply narrow and you shake your head. A claustrophobic silence falls over the small group.

“Okay…” JJ murmurs. “Um, do you guys want to go check out the jukebox with me? We have to play all of the birthday boy’s favorites.”

Several enthusiastic yeses go around, but you’re too busy having a stand off with your boyfriend to take much notice.

Soon, it’s just the two of you.

“Controlling isn’t a good look for you,” you finally say, spinning to rest your elbows on the bar once more and studying the bottles of liquor on the shelves beyond.

“Evasive and avoidant isn’t particularly flattering, either. I was under the impression that you had no intention of coming after that phone call earlier.”

You scoff again as your blood heats. Already the conversation is going worse than you’d expected—and your expectations were not high.

“Do you think the cab driver was a serial killer, too? Or maybe the bartender?”

He’s still behind you and slightly to the side—but he leans down, resting his own fists on the bar right next to you and speaking lowly, directly over your shoulder.

“Why don’t you try speaking to me like we’re adults instead of starting meaningless arguments in order to get under my skin?”

From him, that hurts.

It’s a branch on the tree of your greatest insecurity—the fear that you’re too inexperienced with relationships and that makes you too immature and he’s been lying every time he says it’s not an issue. Because of course it’s an issue. It’s why you fell in love with him, it’s why you don’t know how to fix it, and it’s why you’re incapable of actually expressing any of your feelings to him.

“Why do you think I’m here right now?” you whisper—as sharp and stinging as a poison dart. “I’m trying to be a fucking adult. I don’t want to be here.”

Silence.

“Then why did you come?”

His voice is so calm it burns like dry ice.

“Because! Because you asked me to, because—”

You can’t bring yourself to say it aloud.

Because I’m obviously still in love with you and I can’t just turn that off. I tried to do the right thing.

Instead you bury your face in your hands and let it hang in the air, unspoken. You know he knows. You just don’t know why he’s acting like you’re so unreasonable for being upset.

“Let me make this very clear to you,” Spencer murmurs, brushing your hair away from your ear so tenderly, speaking so softly you could convince yourself that he’ll say something kind. It’s the closest he’s been in days and now that he’s here you feel how much you missed him in your bones. And even though you sense a trap, you can’t help but sit up straighter. You’ll be complicit in your own undoing if it means you can have him close. His breath shakes slightly as he inhales and you brace as best you can. “Nobody is forcing you to be here. You told me you weren’t coming and then you decided to show up. I was ready to give you the space that you were too scared to ask me for. But I can only take responsibility for so much of what is ultimately your bad behavior and your adolescent volatility. You can only blame so much of your bad behavior on inexperience before I run out of patience because I don’t find thoughtlessness and emotional immaturity compelling. I told you that if there is a disparity in the way we feel for each other, that was fine, and I meant it. But if you can’t cope with how I feel about you then don’t let me hold you back. I am not holding you hostage. You can leave whenever you want. So don’t waste your time punishing me because you don’t want to be here. And if you do want to be here, good. I want that too. But act like an adult and make a decision. My leniency has limits, even for you. I am asking that you do not push it any further than you already have.”

You don’t know how long it’s been since your last breath by the time he finishes his address.

Long enough that you’re dizzy when you push away from the bar and shoulder through the throng of patrons as quickly as you reasonably can without outright running.

Long enough that when you burst out the door into the biting-cold night air, and finally take a deep, gasping breath, it burns and stings and aches and so does your head and your eyes as they well with hot, furious, heartbroken tears.

You speed-walk to the end of the block, hand clamped over your mouth to muffle your cries and all the curse words you’d love to scream.

Part of you knows you walked away from the bar in case he decided to try and follow you—but when you look over your shoulder the sidewalk is empty. You should’ve known better than to think he’d follow you after that. But at least it means you can have your breakdown by the relative safety of the bar, leaning your back against the dirty brick facade next to the entrance alcove and sliding down until your butt hits the cold concrete and you don’t even care.

Who the fuck was that man in the bar who looked like Spencer and sounded like Spencer but spoke to you like this is all your fault, like it’s your fault you love him and he doesn’t love you back, like it’s ridiculous that you’d be upset, like you’re cruel and petty for having feelings about it, about him—for having any fucking feelings at all? And to think that was the man who you let know you more intimately than anyone ever has. Every insecurity you’d ever admitted to him was hurled back in your face like it was nothing. Hell—he even handed you the ones you’d never mentioned. He proved every terrible thought you’ve been having about yourself right.

How could he be so unabashedly mean to you?

Spencer doesn’t have to love you. It seems clearer now than ever that he doesn’t. But part of you wonders if he suffered some sort of traumatic brain injury because that’s the only explanation for why he could go from treating you how he did before to treating you like he doesn’t even like you.

You feel like you might throw up.

“Called it,” a rasping, grumbling voice says from a few feet away.

You look up, and spot fucking Randall standing under a street light ten feet away, still smoking.

You go back to studying the tar spots on the sidewalk through bleary eyes. Pebbles sting as they press into your palms. Another one of the universe’s terrible jokes, you suppose. Just earlier you’d thought that you’d rather talk to Randall than Spencer and now here you are and here he is.

“That kid as much of a dipshit punk as I thought he was?”

Hearing Spencer described as a kid and a dipshit punk is so jarring you almost stop crying.

“He’s not a dipshit,” you sniff, voice thick with tears as you find yourself explaining Spencer Reid to this stranger for no reason at all. “He has an IQ of 187. He’s a genius.”

“Ah,” he scoffs dismissively, flicking ash from his cigarette. “Dipshit-ism don’t discriminate. Anyone can be one. Even your genius punk boyfriend. As a recovering dipshit myself I know what the work of a fellow dipshit looks like. And this has dipshit written all over it.”

You sob harder.

Randall speaks calmly around his cigarette.

“You know, I’m sorry for whatever you got goin’ on. But I’ve never not been the asshole when I got a hysterical woman in front of me. It’s nice that I can confidently say this time it is not my fault.”

The bar door opens, letting a warm burst of jovial music and chatter into the otherwise still night. Steps that are too heavy to be Spencer’s hit the concrete next to you—you look to your left and see Derek Morgan before he looks down and sees you.

“Hey—you okay out here?”

“Why don’t you go ask your Jehovah’s Witness buddy? He did this.”

Derek makes a face, locating the source of this interjection.

“Sir, I asked you to leave her alone once and I don’t appreciate being made to repeat myself. Are we clear?”

“Yeah, whatever. Fuck me for making friendly conversation, I guess. Gonna have to call my wife and tell her to pick me up down the street. I don’t want her on the damn phone while she’s driving.”

Randall wanders away again, still muttering to himself and smoking. Derek watches him go, staring daggers into his back until he turns his gaze to you.

Goodbye, Randall, you think. Great. Now I have neither of them.

“Hey,” he softens, crouching down to your level. “You okay?”

You sniff, wiping your cheeks and attempting not to smudge your makeup. It’s impossible not to feel awkward—you just met this guy and now he’s here trying to do emotional labor for you on his birthday.

“Yeah, I’m fine. This is embarrassing.”

“You don’t look fine. Can I do anything for you? Do you want some food? A drink?”

“You really don’t have to—”

“I know, I know. But look—Reid is always talking about you. You’re important to him, and he’s important to me. I’ve never seen him this happy and I’ve known that kid a long time. It is in my best interest that someone maintain you, and if it’s not him, it’ll be me. Call it a favor to him, if that makes you feel better.” Derek is sporting a slightly more modest Cheshire grin again by the end of his sentence. Listening to him speak that way about Spencer speaking about you, it’s impossible not to feel a teeny bit lighter. Even if you’re not entirely sure where you stand on all things Spencer related at the moment. “So I’ll ask you again. Is there anything I can do for you?”

You sniff again.

“Sure. A ginger ale or something might be good.”

“Got it. I’ll be back. And come inside if Randall tries to run up on you again, okay?”

Despite yourself you manage a laugh at the way he says the name. His warm smile flickers warmer at this.

“Will do.”

When Derek returns a few minutes later, the plastic cup he’s holding looks decidedly not like ginger ale.

“Penelope insisted that this is what you would want. I don’t even know.”

You smile slightly as you take the cup, full to the brim with bubbles and thick red syrup. A cherry bobs underneath the layer of cubed ice.

“Shirley temple,” you chuckle. “I’ll take it. Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome,” he says, flashing that brilliant smile again, and you look into your cup as you drink. Maybe your face warms just a bit. You’re still shy around men, you realize. Especially attractive ones. And Derek Morgan definitely qualifies as attractive.

“So,” he begins, and to your surprise, crouches down in front of you. “I have to be honest—I came out here in the first place because Reid sent me to check on you. But now I’m wondering what the hell he did.”

Spencer sent him. A considerate action that would theoretically signal his care for your feelings. You take another sip, staring into space and trying to digest this information, but it only jumbles with the rest to confuse you more.

Of course, you don’t know how to convey this to Derek in a way that’s not overly-familiar for just having met the man, so you go with an old standby.

“I’m probably just overreacting.”

“Uh-huh. I have sisters. I know what an overreaction looks like and if you were overreacting you wouldn’t be out here hiding. What’d he do?”

You can only keep up the facade of emotional stability for so long. Your chin wobbles in a horribly embarrassing way and you look down again.

“I’m not sure—I’m not sure if he really did anything or if I’m just being dramatic and I don’t want to make him seem—”

“Why don’t you stop defending him and just tell me what he did?” Derek urges. “Trust me—I love that kid to death. But I also know he can be a dick sometimes. You don’t need to worry about making him look bad in front of me.”

Part of you is glad Spencer has such a good friend on his side. And Derek is right—Spencer is an adult. You don’t need to worry about besmirching his reputation. So you take a shuddering sigh, staring into the red of your drink.

“He just doesn’t like me as much as I like him. Which isn’t his fault, like I said, but—he’s being such an asshole about it.”

Derek pulls a face, strong eyebrows making an impression as they knit.

“Did he tell you that?”

“Over the phone,” you nod emphatically. “And just now he gave me this whole fucking speech about how immature and horrible I am for not being 100% happy about it. And maybe he’s partially right, I mean—I know people feel things differently and maybe he just was asking for more time. I worry I fucked it up so bad because I couldn’t handle that—but at the same time he didn’t say he wanted more time. He was really fucking unclear and vague about what he wanted, and he asked me to come to this bar like it was nothing when I’ve been worried he was going to break up with me all week. So yeah, I guess he’s right and I have been a bitch about it because I was upset that he didn’t… like me as much. And I wanted him to feel bad because I was so embarrassed, and I also didn’t want to act like everything was normal if he was just going to dump me, I…” you realize you’ve been hardcore rambling and your face heats. “I don’t know.”

There’s a pause, and you worry you’ve done exactly the thing you didn’t want to, which was overshare to this man who seems like he’s significantly more normal and well-adjusted than you. You drink deeply, swallowing sugar and the rest of your words.

“That’s… bizarre. I don’t mean to invalidate your feelings, but… that just doesn’t make any sense.”

“Yeah,” you scoff, projecting annoyance so you won’t start crying again. “I was confused too. I thought he really liked me.”

“No, sweetheart, I’m saying—that doesn’t make sense because he does really like you. Really, really likes you, more than I’ve ever seen him like someone before. I mean, last week I finally finished that Tesla biography he’s been on my ass about for months and when I told him, all he wanted to do was talk about your thoughts on it. And then it wasn’t even about the book anymore. I have never, ever seen Reid pass up an opportunity to talk about Nikola Tesla. I’m talking never in my life. He finds a way to make every conversation about you. I can’t even follow the connections sometimes but he always finds a way.”

Your nose wrinkles.

“Sorry you’ve had to hear so much about me,” you mumble. Though you’re not really sorry. It feels good. A twinge of joy in all the murk.

“I’m not. Like I said, I’ve known Spencer for a long time and I’ve never seen him this happy. I’m not about to let him fuck it up.”

“If I make him so happy then why did he tell me we don’t feel the same?” you whisper, reaching into the puddle of syrup and ice at the bottom of your now empty cup.

“Is that exactly what he said?” Derek asks, after a long pause. You bite the maraschino cherry off the stem and nod morosely, grinding a long-gone stranger’s cigarette butt with your boot just to crush something. There’s another beat of silence. “Alright. You know what I think?”

You raise your head to meet his gaze, your own wide-eyed and expectant.

“I think you two need to have an honest conversation. You’re both confused and hurting—I promise Spencer is feeling it too. If you talk to him he won’t be unkind to you.”

“He already was,” you admit.

“I apologize if I’m out of line here, but you just told me you’ve been icing him out all week because you want him to feel bad. I’m willing to bet you don’t realize how sharp these claws are.” Derek grabs your hand as he says it and you marvel at how much he is the opposite of you. Everything he does and says seems so natural and reasonable and charming even if it would piss you off from anyone else—and you just met the guy. You can see why Spencer and Penelope speak so highly of him. “I think you’ve probably both had your moments these past few days. But that doesn’t mean neither of you deserve any more chances.”

He puts your hand back on your knee and pats it.

“Besides, Spencer‘s not good at mean. I bet he’s inside worrying himself sick over whatever dumb shit he said to you. He’s probably hyperventilating as we speak.”

“It was really out of character for him,” you concede.

“Yeah. He’ll be apologizing for a long while. It will get annoying. But he sure as hell won’t be doing it again, I can tell you that much. If he does, let me know. Emily and I will whoop his ass and call it a fitness evaluation.”

“I think that’ll be unnecessary,” you laugh thickly, pulling your sleeve over your hand and wiping away the few tears that haven’t quite dried. “But thank you.”

“Anytime. Now, it’s my birthday, and as a grown man I should not be getting involved in someone else’s relationship drama. I was supposed to be on the dance floor a while ago.” His tone is so warm and sugary by the time he finishes it could rot his perfect grin. It’s futile to hide the way your mouth twists into a reluctant smile as you look down and fix your hair—praying he can’t tell how fazed you are by his kindness. “You’re going to talk to him, right?”

“I’ll—yeah. Right,” you say quietly. But the sinking feeling in your stomach knows it’s a thing easier said than done.

“Good,” Derek grunts, taking your empty cup before pushing himself back up to his feet and offering you a hand. “Do you want me to send him out here or do you want to come find him inside?”

You balk.

“Like—right now? I have to talk to him now?”

Before he can give you an answer you think you’d rather not have, the bar door is opening. From your spot you can’t see who it is right away, but Derek turns over his shoulder and does a double take before looking back at you.

Spencer steps out onto the sidewalk, eyes scanning for until he realizes you’re a few feet shorter than usual. Sitting on a filthy public walkway is probably his worst nightmare, you realize, as you scramble to your feet and dust the crumbs of concrete from your palms against the back of your cold jeans. He begins to say your name, and it sounds like relief and regret, but you stop him.

“I have to go wash my hands.”

It’s monotonous and mumbled and comes out too quickly but you don’t have time to worry about that as you brush past both of the men on your way back into the bar, making an immediate beeline for the bathroom.

Your face burns with anxiety as you shut the door behind you, immediately drowning in the yellowish lighting which is so harsh but seems to illuminate almost nothing. Who paints a bathroom red? It’s suffocating. You feel like you’re inside an aorta.

Water runs cool over your hands as you sniffle, rinsing the bits of dirt from red indents made by pebbles and things, and the soap is too floral and powdery but you wash twice anyway. Maybe you’ll just stay in here and wash your hands forever.

There’s a light knock on the shiny wooden door and it makes you jump. Your name is muffled from the other side.

“You in there?”

Quickly you wipe under your reddened eyes in the mirror, trying to fix the slightly smudged makeup.

The door opens when you don’t respond, and there’s Spencer, looking weary and tense all at once. Is that your fault?

“Hey,” you sniff, trying to effect casualness, but it comes out too quickly and your posture is too stiff. Under his all-seeing gaze you cross and uncross your arms, look at him and look away. Your hands end up in your pockets. He’d say crossed arms are a sign of self-soothing.

“Hey.” His is more measured, and of course makes you feel embarrassed in comparison. The door swings shut behind him as he enters the small room and makes it feel that much smaller. “Are you… hiding from me in here?”

Yes.

The graffitied toilet stalls to your left suddenly look fascinating.

“Nope. Just washing my hands.”

This is not what Derek told you to do, you scold yourself internally. Stop being so scared. Be honest with him.

Silence rings. All the brutally honest things you’d like to say choke you until your throat hurts and your eyes get hot. Yet again you feel like a stupid little girl who’s too emotional to communicate.

You cross your arms. It’s an indulgence you feel you’re owed.

Spencer says your name again and it’s too much. He never says it this often. When he does it feels good but now it’s too formal, makes you too aware of your own inadequacy, and how he must be seeing you—a wraith of a girl in a dingy bar bathroom with clammy hands and smudged eyeliner, practically shaking with fear under an unforgiving light. Someone who is too scared and much too sensitive.

Spencer attempts to speak again.

“What I said before, it was—”

“Can you just take me home?”

It comes out on one exhalation and seems to stall him with all the effectiveness of a slap to the face.

You don’t know where it comes from, either.

Easier said than done, you’d thought a few moments ago. All the bravery Derek had tried to instill in you is gone, swallowed down the drain like soap scum. And now you’re choosing to let your fear win—because at least that’s a known quantity. The fear will never reject you. It will always be waiting with open arms.

Too scared.

The end feels imminent. You try to press yourself back together, fingernails biting into palms, trying to make something feel more tangible than the terrible knowingness that you’re careening toward an end which was supposed to be a beginning. It’s stifling and you wonder if Spencer is breathing it too.

You can’t look at his face, but you watch him pocket his hands in his pants and there is so much impossible space between you in such a tiny room.

“Yeah. I can.”

Something breaks. It’s small, and without fanfare. But it feels final.

It’s just a ride home. Just a ride home.

That’s all you have left, and you don’t know how you know it but you do.

Something so important is being left in this stupid, dingy bathroom. Something that was at one point beautiful and shiny and so arrogant in its newness that it seemed it would never become ugly. And now you’re abandoning it without dignity on the chipped tile floor and in the cobwebs on the walls. It was bigger than you, it was you—and now it’s going to be nothing.

A vehicle honks on the street. A boisterous group laugh explodes somewhere beyond the door. Water drips from a faucet.

“I’ll… I’ll bring my car around.”

“Okay.”

But he just stands there for another moment. Like he can’t get himself to move.

If only time would freeze before he could walk away.

But it doesn’t.

He sucks in a decisive breath.

“Okay,” he murmurs.

It’s that fucking phone call all over again.

Then he spins on his heels and leaves you there.

Your time is up.

part 5.5

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fic #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x self insert #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid smut #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fluff #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fandom #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds imagine

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roosterforme · 10 months

Text

The Younger Kind Part 41 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: When Bradley really does have to work late, you spend a fun evening with Noah, but Bradley starts to realize all the ways his life is holding yours back when you go out with friends. Then as soon as you let Bradley see you in your formal dress, he wants to take it off of you. In fact, it'll be a miracle if the two of you make it through the retirement party at all.

Warnings: Swearing, angst, fluff, smut, spitting, butt plug, and age gap (18+)

Length: 4900 words

Pairing: Single dad!Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x babysitter!female reader

Check out my masterlist for more! The Younger Kind masterlist.

Your phone screen lit up with a call from Bradley just as you shoved the last bite of your sandwich into your mouth while you were typing up a patient's chart. "Hello?" you managed while you chewed.

"Baby, I'm going to be late today. For real," he said, sounding a bit cautious. "Here, talk to Nat. You're on speaker."

"Hi," came his best friend's voice as you finally swallowed. "He's stupid and annoying, but he's not lying. We're staying late with the new mechanical crew to learn about an update."

"I'm assuming you're calling to make sure I can pick Noah up?" you asked as you smiled. It almost made you feel good that Bradley was being so cautious this time around.

"Yeah. Can you?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Okay, perfect. I know I've been asking a lot of you," he said, his voice soft and deep. "But I trust you with everything. And I'll make it up to you."

Now you were smirking as you looked around to be sure none of your coworkers were around. "Are you going to make it up to me in our bed or in the shower, Daddy?"

He made a strangled noise and you heard Nat shriek in the background. "Baby, I said you were on speaker," he whispered. "Well, now you're not."

You had to stifle your laughter as you said, "I need to go. I'll get Noah from daycare. And then I'll try my pretty dress on for you if you're good, Daddy."

"Fuck," he muttered. "Yeah, I'll be good. I'll be so good."

You had to squeeze your thighs together at the prospect of making him beg. The retirement party for Admiral Bates was just a few days away, but you hadn't let Bradley see you in the purple dress yet. For the past few days, ever since you told him what Casey said to you, Bradley had been letting you hold all the cards. When he came home from work that day and told you that Casey shouldn't be a problem for you anymore, you gasped. He told you what he'd said to her, and then you gave him a blowjob.

"I'll see you at home later tonight," you told him softly. "In my pretty Princess dress."

"I can't wait."

"Oh, and don't forget I have happy hour with my work friends on Thursday."

"I'll make absolutely certain I leave work on time on Thursday," he promised.

When you made it to the preschool to pick Noah up, you smiled at Casey. "Oh, hi. I'm here for Noah," you told her, annunciating each word like she was very stupid. She rolled her eyes and handed you the clipboard as you asked, "No bakery box today?"

She didn't acknowledge you or say a single word as she walked to the classroom door and went inside. You filled out the sheet on the clipboard, smiling as you saw Bradley's signature from earlier this morning. Then Noah came streaking out toward you. "Can we take Skittles on a hike?" he asked as he ran into your arms.

"Of course," you told him, kissing his soft curls as you practically threw the clipboard at Casey and led Noah outside. "Daddy will be home late, so we can do whatever we want."

His face lit up as you buckled him in his car seat. "Can we get ice cream?"

You pretended to consider your answer before saying, "Of course we can get ice cream!"

You drove home with the windows down and the kid friendly playlist on. When you stopped at a traffic light, you turned around to sing along with Noah. And when you parked your car in the driveway, you carried him inside while you sang the dinosaur song together.

"I love you so much," you told him as he wrapped his arms around your neck. You unlocked the front door and went right to the crate in the kitchen. Skittles was looking up at the two of you with the biggest, sappiest brown eyes you'd ever seen. Well, other than the ones the Bradshaw boys frequently gave you.

Noah squirmed out of your arms and went to open the crate door just the way you showed him how. He was so gentle with the little pup, and she whimpered and whined until she was able to lick Noah's hands and face. "Come on, Skittles," you called as you opened the back door. She limped her way across the kitchen floor, and you had to force yourself not to pick her up since she was supposed to be moving around on her own. It was bad enough that Bradley carried her around all the time. She looked at you, and you bent to ruffle her purple bow before she wandered outside to the grass.

"Should we go get ice cream first and then eat dinner after that?" you asked Noah with a smile.

"Yeah! We can pretend it's opposite day!"

"Great idea."

----------------------------

When Bradley got home, he was irritated. The mechanics took forever to get everything in order so he could sign off and leave for the day. The downside of being responsible for his jet was that he was really responsible for every little detail. When he let himself inside, he could hear the bath water running and laughter coming from the bathroom.

He poked his head inside to find you kneeling on the floor next to the tub while Noah played, and you were both giggling. Skittles perked up and ran for Bradley, and then Noah saw him too. "Daddy!"

You whipped your head around to face him with a bright smile on your gorgeous face. "Hi, Daddy. You'll never guess what today is."

"Tell me," he said as he walked in still wearing his flight suit and boots, scooping Skittles up in one hand. He knelt on the mat next to you with a soft groan and then buried his face against your neck with a little nip. "I'm dying to know," he whispered as he kissed your ear. Then he reached for Noah and kissed his wet cheek as you turned the water off.

"It's opposite day!" Noah exclaimed. "The water is dry, and I don't like dinosaurs," he said before bursting into a fit of giggles.

"Opposite day?" Bradley asked, pretending to need help with the concept while Skittles licked his face. "Can I have another example?"

"We had ice cream before dinner!"

"Noah," you scolded playfully. "You weren't supposed to tell him that!" You eyed Bradley sheepishly. "We did end up eating dinner... just after dessert."

He kissed your cheek. "You're the best Mommy ever. You make everything fun."

"Were you good today?" you asked softly while Noah claimed all of his rubber duckies were sinking when they were clearly floating.

"So good," he promised. The way you bit your lip reminded Bradley that it had been a few days since you and he had sex. He thought maybe you were ovulating, but it didn't really matter. He needed to do a better job of keeping you full regardless.

Things had just been a bit hectic, and the tiny dog in his hand was evidence of that. If you got pregnant, things would get even wilder around here, but he didn't mind it. He actually craved it at times. And when he reminded himself that he finally had a teammate in you, things always felt manageable.

"I have an idea," he said as you washed Noah's hair. "After this, I'll get Noah in bed and let Skittles out one more time, and then you can take your time getting ready while I get a shower."

You nodded. "Did you hear that, Noah? It's time to wake up instead of go to bed."

He laughed again. "Will you read me a good morning story?" he asked Bradley.

"Absolutely, Bub," he replied. "I mean... no, I won't? Opposite day is confusing."

When he got Noah to change into pajamas under the guise that he was really getting dressed for daycare, Bradley heard you get into the shower. Once Noah was tucked in, he took Skittles outside. The bedroom door was closed, so you must be in there putting on your purple dress for the retirement party. He couldn't wait to see it.

Bradley got in the shower and took his time, but he was yawning almost nonstop. He needed to get it together so he could fuck you if that's what you wanted. He'd made a lot of promises about that kind of thing, and he didn't want his age to start catching up with him. "Shit," he mumbled as he toweled his hair off before wrapping it around his waist.

But he shouldn't have worried. As soon as he walked into his bedroom, Bradley stopped short. You were bending and petting Skittles in her little dog bed, but you really did look like a princess.

"You're wearing your crown," he rasped, and you stood to your full height and turned to look at him. "Jesus." The purple dress was indeed two pieces, and the top was beaded and very tastefully showcased your tits. Then the skirt was some sort of sheer flowy materials in a million layers, and Bradley wanted to run his hands all over it. But not as much as he wanted to run his fingers along the strip of your skin that showed just above your belly button.

"You like it?" you asked, twirling for him as you brought one hand up to hold your paper crown on your head. "You paid for it," you said with a laugh.

The fabric of the skirt swung around your body and moved with you. Bradley was entranced. "Yeah, I like it," he whispered. "Everyone else at the retirement party is going to like it too." Maybe a little too much, but there was nothing to be done about it now. And Nat was right when she'd said you would look incredible next to him in his dress white. "Fuck."

"Daddy," you gasped, looking up at him as his towel fell away from his waist. He was half erect, and he hadn't even touched you. All he had to do was look at you or smell you, and he was ready to go.

You were standing very close, but you didn't let your hands meet his body, and you seemed too perfect right now for him to touch you without permission. Just like actual royalty. "Princess," he whispered as you licked your lips. "Will you let me pull that pretty skirt up and fuck you?"

In response, you brought your hands up to your hips and jutted your chin in the air. "That was very lewd, Daddy." He grunted as the fabric of your skirt brushed along the head of his cock. He could smell your body wash as you ran your hands up to your top and over your breasts. He could practically taste your pussy as his mouth watered. "You better start begging."

Your gaze followed him as he slowly dropped to his knees in front of you and buried his face in your skirt. He kissed the soft layers as he asked, "Please, Baby? I'll do anything you want. Just let me have your pussy. Please."

You brought your fingers up to stroke his cheek and run your thumb across his lips. "You can do better than that."

His cock was throbbing now. "Anything you want. I'll get you off just right. You know I will. I'll worship you." He kissed the soft skin just below your beaded top with the gentlest touch of his lips, and you moaned his name.

Bradley kissed and nuzzled his nose against you, whispering please over and over again before you finally said, "Stand up." He was on his feet immediately, cock at attention and cheeks warm. "Don't mess up my dress," you told him, running your fingertips along his abs as you walked over to the bed. You bent at the waist with your arms and cheek pressed to the soft bedding. You looked so innocent and perfect with your teeth digging into your glossy lip, but you sounded dirty as hell when you said, "Come fuck me, Daddy."

Bradley growled as he reached for your hips through all the layers of your pretty skirt. He forced himself to go slow, pushing the fabric up inch by inch and savoring the way it felt in his hands. Eventually your perfect thighs gave way to your wet pussy, but then Bradley's head tipped back as the most ridiculous noise escaped his lips.

"Baby," he moaned, rubbing his cock all over your ass and through your wet warmth as you gasped and grabbed at the bedding. You were wearing your purple plug and puckering around it beautifully. So needy, the way you were grinding forward against the edge of the bed. "This is fucking gorgeous," he crooned, gently pushing on the base of the plug and giving you more pressure.

You rolled your hips back against his hand and raised up on your tiptoes. He knew you wanted your pussy full as well as your ass, and he was going to give you his cock and his cum. Eventually. But first he knelt behind you as you whined, and he pinned your hips in place. "Bradley," you gasped, trying to fight the hold he had on you, but he wouldn't allow it. With your voluminous skirt pushed up to your waist, Bradley kissed you from behind and swiped his tongue through your wet folds.

"Oh," you gasped loudly, trying to thrust back to meet him.

"Shh," he warned, pressing your plug with his nose. "I'll fuck you just right, but I want you to cum on my mustache first."

It took almost no time, not with how sensitive you were. He debated edging you until you squirted for him, but he figured it was better to ruin the dress after the retirement party. So Bradley ate your pussy like the meal it was until you were on the verge of tears. Every long stripe of his tongue had your legs shaking a little harder. He just wanted a little more before he let you come. So he licked up to your plug and spit, watching his saliva drip back down to your pussy as he finally let you have a little pressure on your clit with his middle finger.

"Daddy!" you nearly screamed as he rubbed you with steady circles. Your hips jerked as you got his mustache even wetter, crying out against the bedding. But Bradley didn't stop the motion with his middle finger. He kept going as he stood and smiled at your face buried between your fisted hands.

"That's a good girl. Keep nice and quiet."

He fucked you, bending over your body and gently kissing your back as he rammed himself deep a few times. You felt somehow even fucking tighter when you were wearing the plug, and Bradley made sure he pressed it deeper as he railed you.

When he kissed your shoulder, your pussy clenched around him. He wasn't even sure if you were still on your first orgasm or if you'd started to come again, but either way, he felt like your knight right now. When you turned your head to take a deep breath, your crown rolled off, and Bradley watched you look back at him as he fucked into you and bottomed out.

"Am I allowed to come, too?" he grunted, leaning in and licking at your glossy lips.

"Yes," you whispered, kissing his tongue before he stood at his full height, grabbed you by your hips and thrusted and unloaded.

Bradley ran one hand up along your beaded top, stroking your bare skin when he came across it. He listened as you hummed and laughed softly while he looked at your purple outfit, your purple plug, and your purple crown on the bed. He'd never had anything so bright in his life before you.

"Don't mess up my dress," you reminded him, and Bradley just stood there with his cock still inside you and his hands full of fabric.

"Well, what do you suggest I do back here, Princess?" he asked as you giggled and reached your hands back to hold some of the fabric. You bunched it up higher as you slowly stood, and then Bradley could feel the cool beads of your top against his abs and chest.

"I think it's safe," you whispered. Bradley withdrew himself, and with a grin, he dropped to his knees behind you. He watched his cum drip down your inner thighs, and when you tried to press your legs together he told you no.

He shoved his hand between your thighs and whispered, "No, it's too pretty," as his semen dripped right from your pussy to his palm. "God, it's so fucking pretty." He kissed along the backs of your legs and the base of your plug, but he didn't move his hand until his palm was coated.

When he stood again, he whispered, "I'll go get a wet washcloth so I can help you get undressed." But before he could leave the room, you met his eyes and raised his hand to your lips to kiss his cum covered palm and swiped your tongue through it. "Oh, shit," he groaned, watching as you cleaned him up. "How's that taste?"

"Mmm," you hummed, licking your lips. "Good. Like me and you."

His mouth was on yours immediately, needing to taste it for himself as he wrapped his still wet hand around the back of your neck. His tongue met yours, and he tasted himself there along with the sweetness of your pussy. "God damn, Baby. I hope I can keep up with you."

You nodded as he pressed some soft kisses to your lips. "You always do."

---------------------------

On Thursday, you were getting ready for happy hour with your coworkers when Bradley walked into the bedroom. "You look pretty," he said as you applied some of your lip gloss. You smiled at him in the mirror, and he walked a little closer. There was something about you this week that he couldn't quite put his finger on, but he had the urge to fuck you nearly nonstop.

"Thanks, Daddy," you sang as he rubbed his hand along your lower back.

"Hey," he whispered, letting his lips meet your ear. "You think we have time for a quickie?"

You knew. You must have known by the way you were smiling. He literally couldn't keep his hands off you. "You just like calling me your little cream donut," you replied, but you didn't say no.

"I really do," he said, reaching for your jeans zipper, but you took his hand in yours and pulled it away.

"We don't have time," you scolded, kissing his lips and lacing your fingers with his. "You need to get Noah in the car so you boys can drop me off."

"Who's driving you home again?" Bradley asked, needing to be sure you wouldn't get in the car with anyone who'd been drinking.

"Sarah," you told him, cupping his cheek gently. "She's seven months pregnant. The hardest thing she'll be drinking is ginger ale."

"Alright," he agreed, letting you finish up as he put Noah in the Bronco. Then he drove you and dropped you off at a trendy looking bar in the Gaslamp Quarter which was filled with people your own age.

"Looks like a bunch of hipsters," he mumbled as he parked in the loading zone at the curb. He could almost imagine Greyson and his idiot friends hanging out here, and he reached for your hand.

You laughed as he kissed your fingers. "Everyone under thirty looks like a hipster to you. And I mean that with love."

"You don't look like a hipster," he said, brow furrowed as he looked at your hand and briefly wondered why he hadn't taken the time to buy you a ring yet.

"I see them," you said, pointing out the window before you leaned in to peck his lips. "I'll let you know when I'm on my way home." Then you crawled halfway over the seat and kissed Noah who was already yawning. "Night, sweet Noah," you whispered before kissing Bradley one more time and hopping out.

He watched you wave to the group of other nurses he'd met briefly. All of them were around your age, and sure enough he saw Sarah with her pregnant belly. He looked at your elegant body; you looked so damn young, but you seemed older than twenty four. And you'd look just right with a belly like that. Bradley groaned and put the Bronco in drive when he saw a group of guys walk toward you and your coworkers as you were about to head inside the bar. You ignored them in favor of waving to Bradley, and he did you the service of waving back before he started driving home.

You trusted him, and he trusted you. That was all there was to it. He refused to let Casey try to upset you with her bullshit, and you wouldn't chat up random guys.

"I miss Mommy," Noah said as he yawned again.

It had literally been five minutes since you got out of the Bronco, but Bradley honestly said, "Me, too."

And he felt like an idiot after he let Noah eat the ants on logs you left for them. It was nights like this when he started to feel like he was holding you back. He still had engagement rings open on his phone internet tabs, and he knew you'd say yes when he asked. You and he had talked about forever. But these nights out would become almost nonexistent if you got pregnant and there were two kids to look after.

Noah whined for you at bedtime, and Bradley had to bribe him with extra books since he couldn't have another goodnight kiss from you. Luckily that kid was usually asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, but once he was out, Bradley was left alone with his thoughts. He tried to watch TV and even attempted a nap on the couch until you got home. He ended up drinking a beer and holding Skittles on his lap as she licked at the condensation on the bottle.

"You are begrudgingly very fucking cute," he told the pup as she curled up on his thigh with her casted leg sticking out straight. He petted Skittles until she was sound asleep, her body rising and falling in a soothing rhythm. Bradley finished the beer as he tried not to think about you, which only made it worse. But he kept telling himself you wouldn't still be here right now if you didn't want to be. You'd stayed through Meredith and all of Bradley's bullshit, and you were still here now.

His phone vibrated with a text. My Princess: I'll be home soon!

Home. It was your home, too. You belonged here. So maybe he was supposed to miss you a little bit on nights like this. Perhaps it was normal to notice that your warmth was missing from the room.

He closed his eyes, about to doze off, when twenty minutes later, you came bursting through the front door. Skittles carefully jumped off his lap and ran to see you as you pulled your shoes off. You looked a little exasperated as you bent to pet the dog before heading his way.

"Did you have fun?" he asked, about to stand, but you headed right for his lap.

You groaned and settled in so you and he were chest to chest and you tangled your fingers up in his hair, your purple painted nails grazing his scalp. "Everyone my age is exhausting," you said before claiming his lips.

He rubbed his hands up your thighs and smiled against your lips as he asked, "You prefer the older crowd?"

You kissed the side of his neck and yawned before letting your cheek rest on his shoulder. "You know I do. I'm crazy about you and your checkbook and your inability to use a smartphone correctly."

"Well you came to the right place," he whispered. "I have all of the old man shit for you right here."

You giggled before kissing his neck again. "I love you."

Bradley wrapped his arms around you and held you close. This is where you belonged. "I love you, too. You want me to take you to bed?"

You yawned again and said, "I was thinking about you all night, you know? Dirty stuff."

"Dirty stuff?" he asked as you nodded.

"Mmhmm. You wanna fuck a baby into me?" you asked as your fingers loosened in his hair and your hand came to rest on his chest. "We could do that," you murmured, your lips moving along his neck. "If you want."

Bradley chuckled and held you a little tighter. As much as he loved fucking you, he loved taking care of you even more. "Let's go snuggle, Princess." He scooped you up and carried you to bed where you immediately fell asleep in his arms.

--------------------------------

"This was not a good idea," Bradley murmured as he paced around his living room in his dress whites with his uniform hat in his hands. When he peeked out the front door, Amelia Benjamin was holding Skittles on a leash, and she and Noah were blowing bubbles. He checked the time and groaned. "Such a bad idea."

He could hear laughter coming from his bedroom, and he had to fight the urge to walk back down the hallway and knock on the door again. He knew what the response would be if he asked how much longer it was going to take before you and Nat were ready to go.

"You can't rush perfection," he mumbled to himself as he rolled his eyes and dropped back onto the couch. You already looked perfect all the time. And Nat always looked the same. So he didn't really get the point of the two of you spending the entirety of Saturday afternoon doing each other's hair and makeup just for Admiral Bates' retirement party. It was at the Botanic Garden; it would probably be so humid and crowded inside, everyone would look gross after an hour anyway.

"Jesus," he grunted when he heard two female voices laughing about mascara. He stood and walked to the kitchen, considering making himself another cup of coffee to help him stay awake all night while he rubbed elbows with his superiors, but then your voice sounded louder. He returned to the living room and waited.

"I think your hair looks perfect," you said as Nat walked in wearing a pretty black dress that hugged her figure. Bradley could appreciate that she seemed to have more makeup on than normal, because her eyes looked bigger and more playful than usual.

"You look nice," Bradley told her, but then his jaw dropped as you strolled in like you dressed up to impress every day. That purple dress. Fuck. He would always associate it with taking you from behind on the bed. But you looked incredible. "Holy shit, Baby."

"I know," you said with a grin as you spun into his arms. "Nat did my makeup." You kissed his lips, and Bradley didn't even care if that dark lipstick left a mark. Shit. He kind of wanted you to kiss him all over right now.

"Beautiful," he whispered, cupping your cheek in his palm. You looked the same as you always did, really, with just a little something extra to drive him crazy tonight.

"You look good, too," you said, running your fingers all over his service pins before taking his hat and plopping it down crooked on his head. He ran his hands down the back of your beaded top and pulled you snug against him. "We'll have a lot of fun with all of this later, Daddy."

Nat cleared her throat and clapped her hands. "Well, on that rather disturbing note, let's get going."

Bradley looked you up and down one more time, kind of wishing you and he didn't have to go to the event at all. But Amelia was already here to watch Noah and Skittles, and if he didn't get you and Nat into the Bronco soon, you would all be late.

"After you," Bradley said as he opened the front door for Nat to talk outside. When you tried to follow, he wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you close again as you laughed. "Not you," he whispered. "You're mine, Baby. I want you with me all night, okay? No wandering off. You know how those Navy guys can be."

"Oh, I know," you replied as he ran his hand along that little strip of skin that showed above your skirt. "They can be very handsy."

"Mmm," he hummed as he looked down into your eyes. "So you'll stay with me?"

"Yeah. I'll stay with you."

------------------------------

Princess is going to look so pretty at the Botanic Gardens. Wonder if she'll end up with that skirt pulled up around her waist again. Thanks @mak-32 and @beyondthesefourwalls

PART 42

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bvidzsoo · 2 months

Text

Love Me Like A Rockstar (12)

ー☆ Chapter 12: Shame On Me

Author: bvidzsoo

Pairing: Song Mingi x female reader

ー☆ Warning: cursing ー☆ Word count: 5.5k ー☆ Genre: university!au, enemies to lovers!au, rockstar!au ー☆Rating: sfw ー☆ Summary: Love. You wanted none of it. You had already been heartbroken very badly once, you didn't wish to go through that ever again. But the Universe works in intricate ways and, somehow, you found yourself webbed up in a local rockstar's life, Song Mingi. He was everything you expected him to be, yet nothing like you imagined him he would be. What happens when you find mutual understanding and have heartful conversations? Will he be able to break down your walls? Will you be able to chase away his darkness?

A/N: Hiii, my lovelies! Shorter chapter but you won't have to wait too long, I'll update next week again! I don't think there will be any more updates to my other stories this week because I'm going to visit my bestie on Thursday and I only come home on Sunday (can't wait to see you again Orsi *cries*). You know the drill, please listen to Shame On Me before or while reading, thank you!! So, uh, you all will hate me after this chapter, I'm sorry in advance, but you can go scream at me in the notes and reblogs! <3 However, I promise the angst won't last for too long :D Thank you all for reading and always leaving feedback, I appreciate it a lot! I hope you enjoy this chapter, don't hate me pls. divider

Taglist: @orshii @or5i @lovely-red2 @scarfac3 @juicy-red @sunaswifes-blog @voicesinmyhead-rc @teez-the-time @maru-matt @kyeos4ng @deathbyyeekies @chicksmoothie @mjlbn01 @xhexy @tmtxtf @hwashiningstar @thatfavouritesong @ateez-atiny380 @xciiiomwliah @vixensss @catchingskzzzs @tesssaurrr @ginger-mingi @mingisbbg

⟨Series M.list ↭ Previous Chapter⟩

♫Playlist♫

It was quite ominous how well I had slept last night, and despite feeling my eyes burn from staying up too late and not getting enough sleep, I felt well-rested. Perhaps the unusual warmth engulfing my body had something to do with the way my muscles seemed to become one with the mattress, and the comfortable weight around my waist also made me want to give in to the calling of another slumber. I had woken up a few times before, trying to find new comfortable positions as I could hear the birds chirp outside and the sweet cologne that clung to my clothes and the sheets tingled my nose in a way I had to suppress a sneeze. But the sun was high up in the sky already, the blinds open as I felt the warmth of the sunlight on my face. I released a content sigh as my muscles begged for a good stretch, making me groan when I felt a few vertebras pop, tension releasing between them. Gosh, I wish I could wake up feeling this refreshed every morning.

The covers were thick, and thus, the non-existent melody of the bed calling out to me to stay for longer won as I melted back against the pillow, licking my dry lips as I was mildly surprised that there was no impeding headache. I would usually feel hungover even if I drank only a little—hence why I preferred staying away from alcohol—but maybe that hot chocolate I had last night was some magic drink. There was a low groan next to me and I smiled for a second, feeling thick fingers tangle into the waistband of the sweatpants I was wearing, definitely not mine as they rode a little too low on my hips. The strings must’ve come undone in my sleep as I kept shifting around. Not really thinking as I was still under the blissful grip of a good night’s sleep, I sneaked my right arm underneath the covers and gently traced the warm skin of the arm pressing against my torso. There was another low hum and I smiled as I turned my head to the left, eyes protesting as I tried to peel them open. Perhaps that can wait until my brain is fully functioning.

“Good morning.” Mingi’s voice was husky and it covered my arms in goosebumps as I felt butterflies in my stomach, the heath of my cheeks unnatural once again.

“Morning.” I whispered and bit my bottom lip, feeling the bed shift again as Mingi’s hand now held my waist firmly, fingers rubbing circles into the skin where his borrowed t-shirt had ridden up. Feeling eyes on me, I opened one eye and chuckled as I saw Mingi’s puffy face, halfway hidden into his pillow as he lay on his stomach, red lips swollen and platinum blonde hair disheveled in every possible way. Mingi’s cheeks tinged pink and he grumbled something intangible as he hid his face into the pillow, feigning a tickle at my waist as I squirmed and pushed his hand off, heartbeat picking up as Mingi caught my hand before I could pull it away and interlaced our fingers. My eyes were painfully dry but I rubbed them with the heel of my left palm, rubbing my face afterwards as the haze of sleep slowly had started dissipating.

So, turns out all of this wasn’t a dream. I did go to Outlaw to watch Mingi perform, I did get drunk and got into a tiny argument with Mingi, and he did drive me home afterwards. And apparently, I did sleep over wearing his clothes and using his toiletries and we did—we did kiss. I gulped and licked my dry lips again, feeling the butterflies dissipate in my stomach as instead a lump formed in my throat. I released a shaky breath as I felt Mingi caress my knuckles underneath the covers, and then he turned his head to look at me. He looked—content. He looked happy. His face was serene and he looked like he has been waiting for this moment for ages. Something in my chest ached at the thought and I gulped, feeling the blissful morning daze dissipate completely and get replace by a slowly impeding dread. I released a shaky sigh as a heartbreakingly beautiful smile graced Mingi’s lips, mouth forming a boxy shape that showed all of his teeth—the protruding front ones that I grew to adore—his nose wrinkling and eyes creasing. Suddenly, I didn’t feel so good anymore, I felt like I wanted to cry.

Why was Mingi so perfect? Why was he so kind to me? Why did he treat me so well? Why was he so patient with me? Why did he stick by my side for so long? What was it about me that he liked? What did Mingi want from me?

I froze as suddenly Mingi pushed up onto his elbows and started leaning over me, that smile still present on his lips as he released my hand to caress my cheek. My hands trembled as I tried to hold his eye contact, but all of a sudden I felt sick. I felt dirty and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Everything smelled like Mingi, everything felt like Mingi—it was too much. Perhaps he saw the subtle shift in my expression as he stopped for a second, eyebrows slightly furrowing, but then his warm lips touched the corner of my mouth and it made my muscles tense up and send my mind off into an alarmed frenzy.

I couldn’t be here, I had to leave. No. What was I doing? How could I do this when I knew Mingi is Yunho’s best friend? How could I hide something like that from him? Why did I let him kiss me and why did I kiss him back? Why have I—why the hell have I started liking Mingi so much that having him next to me suddenly felt right and being away from him made me anxious, made it feel so wrong?

Unable to control myself anymore, I sprung up from the bed, trying to keep my breaths labored as Mingi sat up alarmed, eyebrows furrowing as he watched me scramble around his room looking for my clothes. I couldn’t remember where he had placed them last night—whether I had left them in bathroom or had brought them to the living room. I heard the sheets crinkle as no doubt Mingi was getting out of bed too, I could feel his piercing gaze follow my every move.

“You—” He hesitated for a second, “You don’t have to leave so early—I mean, it’s not that early, but I want to make us breakfast. I promise I’m not a bad cook.”

I bit my lower lip as my eyebrows furrowed, my body freezing as my heart clenched. I wanted that, I wanted to stay with Mingi and eat breakfast and laugh and just let go of everything and forget every single one of my worries, but I couldn’t. I felt so guilty, I couldn’t even turn around and face him. I had to leave and I had to get rid of him, it would be best for the both of us.

“I’m not hungry.” My voice was barely above a whisper, cold, and distant. I finally spotted my clothes sitting neatly folded on Mingi’s desk chair and I leaped towards them, my fingers curling tightly into them as I cradled them into my arms, somehow hoping that it would bring any sort of comfort. It didn’t because I could still feel Mingi’s eyes on me and hear the way his steps faltered.

“Oh, then…” He fell silent and I felt my hands’ tremors worsen, making me bite into my bottom lip to try and keep myself level-headed. It was hard, and I was failing at it, “We could grab some coffee and—”

“I’m going home, Mingi.” I snapped, cutting off his rambling because I was unable to listen to his warm and soothing voice anymore, now laced with obvious hurt and dejection. I wasn’t only hurting myself anymore, I was hurting him too. And I hated myself. He deserved better. Mingi deserves someone who cherishes him and makes him happy, not someone who brings his hopes up and then stomps on his heart like it means nothing. I didn’t want to do this, but I felt like I had no choice. I had dug my own grave by indulging into his little games—they weren’t games, Mingi has been genuine from the get go—and now here I was, suffering the consequences of my own actions.

“I—Y/N.” I froze as my hand reached for the handle to open the door, I couldn’t face him, “What we did—what happened last night, I—no, the kiss, we can’t just glaze over it, I can’t—I can’t do that anymore. Please, what are we?”

I squeezed my eyes shut at the sudden tears in them and inhaled a long breath, slowly twisting the handle of the door so that I could flee easier, “The kiss was—a mistake. We were both caught up in our feels and I—I didn’t mean to do that. I never wanted to kiss you. I don’t—it means nothing. We are nothing, Mingi.”

If the same words echoed in my mind but sounded a lot more masculine and venomous, puppylike eyes narrowed and glaring down at me, I gulped and repressed the memory, rushing out of Mingi’s room in a panic. I didn’t want to hear the way Mingi gasped nor the way he called out in confusion after me as I made it towards the shoe rack, finding my boots placed neatly next to his. It took everything I had in me to keep it together, to swallow the tears that wanted to escape my eyes, to keep my voice firm.

“What do you mean it meant nothing?” Mingi didn’t even sound angry, he sounded so utterly hurt, that a tear unintentionally trickled down my cheek, “It couldn’t have meant nothing, Y/N, we’ve been dancing around each other for too long for it to mean nothing. You’ve—I’ve kissed you before, not like this of course, but we did kiss and we’ve held hands and you—you can’t just fucking say it means nothing when it means everything to me!”

Fuck.

Perhaps it was good that he was finally showing any other reaction than disappointment and hurt, perhaps I pitied myself less if he was angry at me and shouting—I deserved it. I really did, every mean thing he’d hurl at me, I deserved to hear them because he was right. He was, he had always been. I’m a horrible awful being and I played with his feelings just like Yunho had played with mine. How could I hate Yunho so much when I was just like him?

“We’re both honest and blunt people, Mingi, there’s no reason to dance around this.” My voice sounded leveled, calm, almost as if it was mocking Mingi’s despair and I felt like complete shit, “Quite frankly put, I don’t want to see you again. This everything—whatever the hell we’ve been doing for the past three months, it was a shitshow. I don’t know what your purpose behind your actions was but I know mine and it has nothing to do with—whatever we’ve done last night. There’s no such thing as friendship between a girl and boy, it never works out, somebody always gets heartbroken and that’s exactly what’s happening right now. I think we both mislead each other, which led to this misunderstanding, so yes, it means nothing because I don’t want anything from you, but you clearly want something I cannot give you.”

The deafening silence felt like a slap to my face and it almost made me whirl around to apologize for my harsh words, to tell him that it was all a lie, that I liked him more than who I thought was my first love. I had always thought I loved Yunho with my whole being, that I gave him all of myself, but that wasn’t true. Yunho had never seen me at my lowest, Yunho never tried to fix the issues between us, he never reached out if he knew he did something wrong, he never even tried to pursue me—it was all me, all along. I was the one fighting for us and Yunho just went along with it because it was comfortable, because I was a stable point in his chaotic life, somebody he knew he could come back to. And I was treating Mingi as if he did the same thing to me, as if he was just another replica of Yunho—when he wasn’t. Mingi was so much more than Yunho would ever be, and I ruined everything in the span of five minutes.

I didn’t even bother lacing up my boots as I stepped into them, afraid to look back, but unable to stop myself when the silence just continued to stretch on. I didn’t expect to see Mingi’s eyes bloodshot, nor his bottom lip red and swollen from getting chewed on too much. Fuck, why did my heart ache more than when Yunho left me?!

“I never wanted to be your friend, doll.” The way his tone was emotionless yet his lips uttered the nickname, it made my lungs constrict as the lump got bigger and bigger in my throat, “But I knew you needed time, so I gave it to you. Perhaps—perhaps I shouldn’t have, maybe I should have been cleared with my intentions—”

“Mingi.” I snapped, eyebrows furrowing as we made eye contact. I couldn’t listen to him anymore; I couldn’t bear to hear him make up excuses for the sake of me. Why was he not screaming at me, why was he not hurting me? This is why he was too good for me, why I didn’t deserve him, “Delete my number.”

“You know your way out.” And I did know it. Without saying anything else, I unlocked the front door and ripped it open, slamming it shut behind me as I raced towards the stairs, hissing as my eyes got blurry and obscured my view of where I was stepping. But I had to get out of the building as fast as possible, scared that Mingi would race after me, that he’d try to reason with me one more time because it would work. It would work and I would give in. I would tell him the truth and then everything would be more painful. I was saving him from the betrayal he didn’t deserve, I was saving him from me, who never treated him right. I thought he was an asshole, an arrogant guy who yearned for attention and validation from every breathing female. But that wasn’t true, Mingi was a selfless and hard-working man who put others above himself, he wasn’t greedy and he wore his heart on his sleeve, ready to offer all the love his body contained without expecting anything in return. And I was a horrible human being because I took advantage of his kindness and goodness, because in the process of trying to get rid of him—I fell for him.

I was gasping for air by the time I stumbled out of the building, the wind harsh and cold as I scrambled to wear my jacket over Mingi’s thin t-shirt. It did nothing to shield me from the harsh weather and perhaps I deserved it, perhaps I deserved to be stared at by the passerby people with questioning or judgmental stares. I had no idea where I was, but thankfully finding my phone in my pocket, I was able to walk myself to a bus station and wait for a bus that would take me home. Mingi lived almost thirty minutes away from my place, but that was fine, I could keep it together for so long. I wouldn’t cry, I refused to cry, this was my own punishment. As I sat on the bench at the bus station, the heather above head lessening the chill that seemed to bite at my body, I closed my eyes and wallowed in the tumultuous emotions I felt.

This was far from how I wanted things to go, I thought I was better, that I could control myself and keep everything in check, but at last, I failed. I failed and now I hurt the guy I had fallen for. I was scared, I was afraid of getting left behind like it previously had happened, and so I wanted to protect myself. I struck before he could. I thought I would be protecting my heart and getting the upper hand, but then why was my heart aching and my stomach clenching so hard that it made me feel nauseous? Why do I always mess things up when they finally go right? Can’t I have something good for myself? Is it so hard to believe that not all guys are like Yunho? But Mingi is his best friend and it started getting easy to spot similarities between them the longer I hung out with Mingi. So could he really be much different from Yunho? I wouldn’t know, now, I would never find out.

I felt numb, both physically and emotionally, by the time I made it home. The house was empty and dark, rainclouds had gathered outside and I was thankful that I made it home before the downpour. It reminded me of Mingi, everything seemed to remind me of Mingi. I hated it, it made breathing harder as I peeled his clothes off myself and went into the shower, probably staying underneath the spray of the hot water for too long. My skin was all wrinkled by the time I got out and the rain came down heavily against the roof of the house, forcing me to dress up warmly and wear the hood of my hoodie as I was too tired and lazy to dry my hair. I was craving something hot to drink, but when my eyes fell on the hot chocolate in the cupboard I suddenly felt sick to my stomach and had to rush to the bathroom, heaving and heaving without throwing up anything. I felt like I was borderline dying, and I deserved it. I knew I did.

And when I was feeling my utmost worst, there was only one thing that could help. Drawing and painting. I stared at my sketchbook longingly, but decided to use a different one as that one was filled with sketches of Mingi’s eyes, and him performing on stage, him driving or him laughing with his boxy and gummy smile, his hands that were littered with rings, his peaceful face when he had fallen asleep once in the library while we were studying. But something that hasn’t happened before did happen now. No matter how much I stared at the blank paper, nothing came to me. My mind refused to conjure up any images, my hands refused to move. My grip on the pencil turned painful and I hissed as I pushed the sketchbook off my lap, throwing the pencil against the wall in frustration. I pulled my knees up to my chest as I listened to the heavy rain, staring at the window, watching as big drops rolled down quickly. The silence, the darkness, the numbness…it was beginning to be too much. I wished to see Mingi, I wished to talk to him, I wanted to fix this, but I couldn’t. I was an asshole and going back to him just hours later after being a dick and probably hurting him beyond forgiveness was an even bigger dick move. I just couldn’t do it, so, I closed my eyes and waited. For what, I didn’t know until my phone rang loudly, making me jump out of my skin.

I was stupid for feeling a flicker of hope that it was maybe him, but my heart settled when Seulgi’s smiling face greeted me once I grabbed my phone. I sighed and picked up, beyond grateful that she probably had a feeling that things weren’t going so well anymore. I could feel the small smile stretch onto my lips, the greeting on the tip of my tongue, but Seulgi beat me to it.

“What have you done.” I froze, heart falling into my stomach at the harsh tone of my best friend, eyebrows furrowing in worry. Seulgi never spoke like that to me—to anyone—she was a ray of sunshine and she never got angry, she was never disappointed, she never treated anyone roughly, “Y/N!”

I jumped at the way she yelled my name, gulping down nothing as my mouth had gone dry, “I—nothing. I did nothing—”

“You’re full of shit.” Seulgi snapped and I felt my lips tremble as her voice raised in anger, “How can you say you did nothing when Mingi has been at Wooyoung’s ever since noon and hasn’t stopped bawling his eyes out?! He’s not speaking, he’s not eating, he’s not even moving, Y/N. What did you do?”

“I—” I gulped, voice faint as I felt my eyes fill with tears, “I didn’t mean to, I—I told him it was nothing. That I—didn’t want to see him again. I just—I’m scared, Seulgi.”

“You’re the fucking worst, Y/N.” Seulgi’s tone didn’t soften, if anything, it got harsher and I heard someone in the background call out her name in a quiet warning, “How could you say that to Mingi out of all people?! Are you seriously joking right now?! Did you feel good playing around with him when he has made it so fucking clear that he was into you? That he likes you? That he wants to be with you? You aren’t even dense not to see things like this, Y/N, you straight up played with his feelings and then crushed his heart like it meant nothing.”

“I’m sorry.” I whispered, sniffing loudly as Seulgi scoffed. Hearing everything out loud and getting scolded by my best friend probably was the worst feeling ever. I knew I had fucked up colossally if she was taking Mingi’s side, rightfully so.

“I can’t believe you treated him like nothing,” A slight pause and then her voice dropped to a low whisper, “Like Yunho has treated you. You said the same thing to him, Y/N, aren’t you ashamed of yourself—”

“I fucking hate myself, Seulgi!” I exclaimed, frustrated and panicked and annoyed and wounded, “I didn’t mean for this to happen, but I’m scared! I can’t—what if he leaves me? What if he’s worse than Yunho’s ever been?!”

“We were teenagers back then.” Seulgi sighed and her voice softened the slightest, “And Yunho was an asshole from the very beginning, you just refused to see it. Mingi has always been genuine with you, fair, and kind. Yet you saw that and still threw him to the curb.”

“I’m sorry.” I felt a tear trickle down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away, refusing to cry. I didn’t deserve to cry.

“You should be saying that to Mingi, not me.” There was light shuffling in the background and then I heard different voices talking to Seulgi, “Seonghwa is here too now, I have to go. You better fix this even though I don’t know if you deserve his forgiveness at this point.”

“Don’t say that.” I whispered, but Seulgi hung up without saying goodbye, and suddenly I didn’t know what to do anymore. The phone fell from my hand as I stared with tear filled eyes at my mother’s guitar, flashes of Mingi’s excitement upon seeing it fresh in my mind, making my throat close up. I couldn’t breathe. Mingi wasn’t talking to anyone and it was because of me, I did that. I made him feel like that and I didn’t even know how to fix this anymore. Could I fix it? Or have I fucked up so badly that he’ll never forgive me? I knew for a fact that if I were Mingi, I wouldn’t forgive myself no matter how much he would’ve begged or tried making things right. Just as my head fell onto my knees and I squeezed my eyes shut, annoyed that the unshed tears kept persisting, there was a knock on my door. I hadn’t even heard my mother get home.

She gently pushed the door open and peered inside with a curious look on her face, looking excited as I turned my head to look at her. She grinned and suddenly stepped inside, holding up a small box in excitement. My eyebrows furrowed as I watched her grab a paper out of it, giving me a cheeky smile as she cleared her throat, “‘I hope every time you drink your hot chocolate out of this mug you’ll be reminded of me, doll – S.M.’”

I suppose that was all I needed for the cup to be full, to be tipped over the edge as the tears suddenly sprung free, ripping loud sobs from my throat as I grabbed at my hair, yanking on the strands harshly. My mother gasped in fright and I heard movement behind myself, then I felt hands untangle my fingers from my hair, placing them in my lap with one hand as with her other hand she cradled my head against her chest. She smelled like the sanitizers they used at the hospitals, infused with a little musk as it was my mother’s favorite scent, and I was suddenly so grateful for having her. I turned my body to hug her tightly, crying into her chest like I was a little girl once again. My mother sighed as I felt her pat my head and rub my back up and down, humming a song I knew all too well as we used to listen to it a lot while I was growing up. The weight of her chin felt comforting against the top of my head and I gripped her work clothes perhaps a little too tight, but I didn’t care. I have missed her embrace, I missed laughing with her and crying with her, I have missed talking to her. After Yunho left me, I became closed off. I didn’t let anyone know how I felt or what I was going through, and despite my mother being a nurse, she could only help me if I let her—and I didn’t. I was repulsed by any closeness and I needed to be on my own. Days turned into months and those into years, and it took me this long to realize I wasn’t doing as well as I thought I was.

“Mom,” I was still crying, but my sobs have stopped, “I messed up so bad.”

She hummed as her fingers tried to untangle the knots in my hair, “Does it have to do anything with whom the mug is from?”

I nodded wordlessly and she hummed again, tapping my thigh for me to pull back, “Is it that tall boy with sharp eyes, cute glasses and sweet smile, fluffy dark hair?”

“He’s blonde now.” I muttered as I sniffed loudly and disgustingly as I pulled back, letting my mom wipe my tears off my face.

“You hate blonde guys, though.” She muttered with her eyebrows furrowed as I sheepishly looked up into her eyes.

“I know.”

A beat of silence passed and then she started giggling, prompting me to giggle along, my heart still aching but the relief of being in her arms made me feel like I could breathe once again, “Well, that is no good then. I hope you aren’t crying because this S.M. boy went blonde—”

“Song Mingi, his name is Song Mingi.” I whispered as I chewed on my bottom lip, averting my eyes, “I can’t believe you already forgot his name.”

“Well, I’m particularly bad with names, starlight.” My mother chuckled and I felt a smile tug at my lips. She always found peculiar nicknames to call me by, “And he never came over for dinner, that was my trick to remember his name and well—get to know him better, I suppose.”

“He’s not coming over for dinner—like ever.” My tone was grim as I grumbled, picking at my cuticle as I looked down at my lap, avoiding the look of confusion on my mother’s face.

“So, things didn’t work out…” I hummed and sighed, pulling away completely from my mother’s embrace.

“I’m a fool.” I muttered as I pulled my knees up to my chest again, staring at my socked feet. My mother placed her hand on my shoulder and massaged it softly, “I hurt him and now he hates me. I said what happened between us meant nothing, but I was lying. I think I’m in love with him, mom.”

“Has he said that he hates you?” My mother raised her eyebrows in question and I shook my head, “Then he doesn’t hate you. Yes, you hurt him with your harsh words but if you really love him—what’s holding you back, my starlight? You’re a smart woman and you know how to fix your mistakes, I’m sure I don’t have to tell you. So don’t just sulk and wail and make him hurt for no reason—”

“He’s Yunho’s best friend.” I whispered, peeking up at my mother’s face, surprised to find a smile that looked both comforting and amused.

“And does he know that?”

“What?” I asked confused, making my mother chuckle, “Of course he knows he’s Yunho’s best friend.”

“That’s not what I asked, starlight.”

“No, he doesn’t know.” I muttered and grimaced as my mother shook her head at me, “I never found the right moment to tell him, actually, things were never supposed to get this far, mom.”

“I see,” My mother hummed and leaned closer, “You know, I’m speaking based on many years of experience, but this Mingi boy doesn’t seem like the type to hold grudges for too long or judge you for your past. Sure, it must feel weird knowing your current girlfriend has dated your best friend, but that was like ages ago—and you’re still making a big deal out of it—”

“Mom.” I groaned, giving her an unimpressed look, but she only giggled.

“You know, you didn’t take after me for being so dramatic.” She pursed her lips and suddenly pushed me over, making me fall to my side with a loud gasp, “It’s one of the few reasons your father didn’t stick around for long—he was too dramatic.”

“I thought he left us.” I muttered as I sat up straight, making my mother roll her eyes at me.

“He certainly did after I told him I didn’t need a junkie in my house while I was trying to raise my child—” She rolled her eyes then stood up, extending her hand out for me, “And then he thought I tried to baby trap him—huh, what an idiot. Who wants to baby trap a broke dude who’s doing nothing with his life while I was in school learning to be a nurse and girlbossing my way through life?!”

“Don’t ever again say girlbossing, mom.” I groaned embarrassed as I let her help me up.

“What?!” She chuckled, holding my hand gently, “It’s cool, everyone at the hospital says it—well, the younger generation. Anyways, we’re going to cook yummy dinner together, and then I’ll magically make some ice cream appear from our fridge and I have some really nice wine hiding in the cupboard, waiting for us to consume it while you tell me everything about this Song Mingi guy. We haven’t had a girl’s night in so long, I missed you, Y/N.”

“I missed you too, mom, but,” I frowned as I let her pull me after herself, “you do realize I’m suffering and am on the verge of having another break down, yet you still want me to talk about Mingi?”

“It’s called therapy, honey, even if I’m not a therapist.” She shrugged as we walked down the stairs, “Besides, I’ve got some bomb advice to give you to win this boy over. I can’t believe I managed to raise a strong and independent woman that’s emotionally constipated!”

“Oh, my God.” I muttered under my breath, wondering just how many of her coworkers were too young for her to be hanging around, and why on Earth were they teaching my mother cringey slang.

But she was right. I did need her advice, desperately so, and having a girl’s night while I can talk about Mingi without feeling embarrassed to admit I am into him sounded nice—especially now that I have successfully fucked everything up.

『You run away when you just can't face it

Hide in the dark, but you know you hate it』

❱❱ Next chapter

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@kyeos4ng @samiiy20 @woosanhobros @aswho1estuff @khjoongie98

@ateez-main-yapper @kang-ulzzang @felixs-voice-makes-me-wanna @ginger-mingi @redzie02

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@tunafishyfishylike

❀ complete the forms if you're interested! ^^

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gard3nias · 5 months

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Amor tam pulcher | KTH - masterlist

❁pairing: taehyung x oc

❁description: if he could, he'd write poems on how pretty she looked, on how perfect she was. He'd probably make the next Catullus or even better, he'd dare say. Everyone would love to read about her and how she makes him feel. He even wonders how she isn't loved, worshipped in fact, by everyone but he's glad he's the only one whom she hops to whenever class is dismissed, the only one to have her cheeks explore all possible shades of red, the only one whose arms she'd willingly fall asleep in between.

❁genre: romance, fluff, smut, angst

❁wc: 82.59k

❁date: 30/03/2024

❁warning: mature content, mdi

❁notes: strangers-to-lovers, teen love story, lots of fluff, smut, senior!taehyung (taehyung is like super smart), junior!oc (academic weapon, she loves herself an excellent academic performance), a lil angst, taehyung is head over heels for oc, nature lovers (oc loves flowers, taehyung loves butterflies), countryside (looks like Italy because that is the only type of countryside I know and love), oc has a lovely family, taehyung has daddy issues, jimin and jungkook are taehyung's besties( they also have other two girls as best friends); oc has a girl best friend (childhood best friend) and three boys as best friends); oc is so fucking prettyyy, like girl pretty (pretty privilege a bit)

❁chapters (status - ongoing) ⇀ updates every two Saturdays, 10 AM CEST

❀ ❛prologue❜ - 1.52k

a memory; taehyung is staying over oc's place and trying not to lose his mind for her ⇀ «A love that drives me crazy, a lovely crazy, a sexy crazy, an amazing crazy»

❀ 01 ❛love is all around❜ - 4.24k

oc moved to town; oc meets her childhood friend, cleo; lovely family lunch ⇀ «If only you knew how special it feels to be special to someone...»

❀ 02 ❛ying yang❜ - 4.28k

oc and cleo hang out all day at a field; oc meets cleo's cats; oc and cleo childhood flashback ⇀ «Always thought my match would look like me but two pieces of the same puzzle can't be equal»

❀ 03 ❛the exploratory stage❜ - 5.48k

oc and cleo go shopping; cleo gives oc a tour of the town; oc and cleo go to jimin's restaurant and cleo gives oc a description of tae and his friends ⇀ «This is who I am now or maybe who I always was but forgot to be»

❀ 04 ❛just like old times❜ - 6.70k

oc's first day of school; she makes new friends and goes home to simp on taehyung through his social; taehyung comes back from his holidays ⇀ «He's pretty. No wait! Heavenly. Gorgeous. God's favourite for sure... and mine too»

❀ 05 ❛a monarch butterfly❜ - 4.17k

tae's back to school; came back home from jk's beach house; he goes shopping with adrielle, his friend; all the friends are driven to school by jk ⇀ «They say mental exhaustion is greater than the physical one and yet I feel dead up there and no different when it comes to my body»

❀ 06 ❛venus❜ - 4.82k

tuesday; tae sees oc for the first time in the bus and admires her from afar; the whole day in school he thinks about her; jk is the only one to notice this is starts 'investigating' oc ⇀ «Whenever she walked in, time would slow down and my pupils would expand, all for me to sip in her majestic beauty without missing anything»

❀ 07 ❛a laurel❜ - 4.92k

tuesday of the following week; tae is hanging out with his friends at adrielle's place; adrielle wants to become the school's president; tae stalks oc's instagram ⇀ «Like you a little, don't want no riddle. Say it, say it back, oh, say it ditto. Can't wait 'til the morning, so say it, ditto»

❀ 08 ❛fuck you!❜ - 6.10k

thursday; daphne is in her physics class and she can't understand shit; she has a little mental breakdown and takes it out on her friends ⇀ «I see her in the back of my mind all the time like a fever, like I'm burning alive»

❀ 09 ❛en route❜ - 5.07k

friday; daphne wants to impress tae; daphne and tae sit next to each other in the bus; ⇀ «If only he knew... if only she knew...»

❀ 10 ❛who we are, what we do❜ - 6.01k

saturday; love for routines; shopping; hanging out with cleo; lunch with the two families; video call between the five friends ⇀ «They say not to believe what you see online. "The beauty you could find there is so surreal that it can't be real", they say. But what happens when it's standing just a few feet away from you, glowing like the moon on a starless night? How do you withstand it?»

❀ 11 ❛an overly ambitious hedonistic seductress❜ - 6.04k

sunday; the five friends meet up for their school project; daphne suspects there is more going on between cleo and nick; little gossip time with asher ⇀ «Chiquitita, tell me the truth. I'm a shoulder you can cry on. Your best friend, I'm the one you must rely on»

❀ 12 ❛the butterfly, the cricket and the wing-man❜ - 4.49k

sunday; while the five friends meet up for their school project, tae and his meet for the electoral campaign; jk is so unserious; maknae line interaction; they have dinner at adrielle's place; jk is drunk asf and his friends make fun of him before they go home ⇀ «Life itself has nothing to give you. Lay in your bed all day and you'll get the point. Life starts making sense and having a shape when you start doing something, when you meet the right people»

❀ 13 ❛the Titanic❜ - 7.31k

wednesday; second week of october; the electoral campaign is officially on; tae and his team are stressed out because of it; in the meantime, Daphne undertakes her physics test; it doesn’t go well so her friends work something out for her ⇀ «There's a monster in the water. It clawing into the ship. I'm sinking»

❀ 14 ❛from five to ten❜ - 11.44k

wednesday; second week of october; daphne and her friends have a picnic together; they travel by train; daphne is happy after the failed test; taehyung stalks her Instagram and realises she started following his main ⇀ «'Temptare', handle, try, test»

❀ 15 ❛bold, red and underlined❜

❀ 16 ❛it's Daphne!❜

❀ 17 ❛hesperiidae❜

❀ 18❛opposites attract❜

❀ 19 ❛peek-a-boo (boo boo)❜

❀ 20 ❛caramel macchiato❜

❀ 21 ❛monarch and blue morpho butterflies❜

❀ 22 ❛rosy cheeks❜

❀ 23 ❛caramel macchiato❜

❀ 24 ❛butterflies, flowers... and butterflies❜

❀ 25 ❛whistling missile❜

❀ 26

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milaswriting · 1 year

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Good news. Chapter ten will be yours to read on the 8th of July at 1:30pm bst. Those on the Golden tier of my Patreon can read chapter ten now. Those on the silver and bronze tier will get early access this Tuesday and Thursday, respectively.

I often wonder whether this chapter or my dissertation was easier to write, but I really am still up in the air about the answer to that because both took a lot out of me. It's been a very long time since a demo update but hopefully, this will be worth the wait when you get to read the continuation of fake dating and experience high stakes, blackmail and found family.

CHAPTER TIDBITS

Ro povs? Yes, multiple of them

Tragic ro backstories includ. blood, tears, & a badass poker face

Angst...

... Comfort

Meet with Zillah Arryn (good luck, you're going to need it)

Visit P's apartment — "It looks like the embodiment of a Pinterest board," says A.

Another clue closer to solving murders...

As you can see there's so much going on and I can't wait to share all this and more in the update.

#golden #golden if #interactive fiction #announcement post #alsoo @ing the anon who asked what’s the point in writing anymore when I haven’t updated in 8 months :)

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ros3ybabe · 9 months

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Day 32: 90 Day Challenge 🎀

Almost forgot to update for yesterday. Had the worst mental breakdown ever and proceeded to have a terrible nightmarish nap that scared the heck out of me and somehow today was so much better.

🏋‍♀️ Physical Activity

50 minute glute workout in the gym

resisted the urge to binge

🧠 Mental Health

guided Journal in the morning

❤️ Emotional Health

let myself have a good well needed cry

📚 Intellectual Health

nothing honestly that I can remember

🏘 Adulting

zoom called boyfriend

talked to my dad on the phone

started watching a new TV show that wasn't American dad

🥰 Self Love/Care

gently bullied myself into brushing my teeth and washing my face/doing skincare before laying down

morning skincare

full shower + washed hair

Today was really good, so I'm looking forward to updating on that tonigjt/tomorrow morning. I'm also super excited to get my nails done and a haircut on Thursday! Plus I gotta go shopping for some new jeans, a new shirt or two to wear to Christmas Eve dinner with my boyfriend at his dad's house. May just cave in and buy him and I matching Christmas sweaters to be "that couple" for fun. Speaking of, I can't wait to see my man on Saturday <333 I haven't seen him since early October, so getting to spend a week and 2 holidays with him will be absolutely amazing. Hopefully his mom likes the little gifts I got her.

til next time lovelies 🩷

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notafragilething · 4 months

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Late Night Buck & Tommy Rambles: 4 Days Till Tommy Returns

Happy Sunday! We are now only 4 days away from seeing Tommy on our screens again (along with rest of the 118). I'm definitely looking forward to this week for a variety of reasons and I can't wait to see how this kicks off the finale next week.

It was an interesting but pretty calm day in the Buck & Tommy world.

The BuckTommy Hospital kiss reel on Instagram has continued it's burst of views after slowing down for a bit. As of a few minutes ago it was 1094k, meaning it'll likely hit 1.1 million sometime over the next few hours and it's only 25k away from being the 8th most viewed video on their official Instagram. It also has now hit 95k in likes, meaning this burst in views is also coming with new viewers because those likes were pretty much unchanged for a good week or so when it say around 84k in likes. I'm really interested to see if these new views keep up over the course of this week.

The big news of the day was Tim, either late last night or early this morning, posted the fan created BuckTommy Deep Dive youtube video on his private facebook. I've heard through the grapevine the video was sent to him by a fan who is friends with him on facebook but I haven't been able to confirm that yet. If you haven't you watched the video yet, it's a 20 minute breakdown about Buck's past relationships, his bisexuality, the red string theory and why Tommy is potentially going to be a long term love interest. I took two bigs things away from this.

It confirmed to me that the Vertigo poster was likely a fan creation sent to him in a similar way last week so I don't think we need to overanalyze or include that in our theories. So my views haven't changed on that, just been confirmed.

This is a good sign for us Buck & Tommy shippers. That video was really positive towards us and I can't imagine he would post it without watching at least the majority of it. Just like the Vertigo poster, I'm not going to assign a ton of meaning to it beyond him posting something very positively pro-BuckTommy going into this week which is a good sign for us.

I'm not anticipating a lot of promo for this upcoming episode until Thursday itself. I think a lot of promo is going to be saved for after this episode as they create hype for the finale.

My week is much calmer so I do plan to do nightly updates, even if things are mostly chill because I do think we might get some small rumbles since we are so close to the finale week.

#911 abc #evan buckley #bucktommy #tommy kinard #tevan #firepilot

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lizzieislife94x · 7 months

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Damn It! (e.o)

Requested <3

LizzieG!PxFem Reader

Another update for yall 😇 assssssss always requests are open my loves.

Lizzies POV:

I groan and rub my templates as my extremely attractive new assistant trip's sending the coffees flying this girl can't do anything right I only hired her because I wanna have her "I'm sorry I'm so sorry miss olsen ill get it cleaned and get some more im so sorry" she panics making me look at her god she's so fucking adorable "y/n take a seat just leave it ill get it cleaned after work hours, I need you to go book an appointment for a new client for Thursday can you do that " I say a little annoyed as smiles and nods "yes I can do that easy!" With that she jumps out of the chair and leaves my office.

Y/ns POV:

I can't help but curse myself why am I so clumsy why does she make my brain forget how to brain I sigh and dial the number lizzie gave me as a woman quickly answers

Hey my names y/n I'm calling on behalf of miss olsen she asked me to arrange an appointment for Thursday. I say waiting for a reply

Thursday is perfect this Thursday or next Thursday y/n. I hear as I start to panic fuck shit she just said Thursday is it tomorrow or next week

Umm I uh next Thursday, thank you have a great day. I quickly hang up the phone as I gron leaning against the table.

4 hours later:

"See you tomorrow miss olsen" I say as I head out to leave the building "I need you tomorrow bright and early don't be late" her tone is matter of fact making me gulp "yes miss olsen see you tomorrow"

Next Day:

Y/ns POV:

I take a deep breath before walking into the office "you got this y/n don't let her make your brain stop you can function like a normal human being" I whisper to myself before making my way up to the top of the building "morning y/n I think you should turn around and leave" Joe one of my co workers states making me panic "lizzie is on the war path she had everything ready for the meeting with the new client this morning only to find its booked for next week" I groan and cover my face "fuck I panicked when she asked what Thursday and lizzie didn't tell me it was meant to be today" I whisper as her door swings open "y/n my office now!!!" She yells slamming the door making my blood run cold tears threaten to run from my eyes as I make my way into her office "damn it! Y/n how could you fuck this up" I don't dare look at her "you didn't tell me it was for today I panicked and said next week" I whisper my voice failing me "don't give me the tears it was a simple task and you somehow fucked it up how is that possible" I sniff and look up "I'm sorry miss olsen ill do better" she laughs folding her arms "I think I should teach you a lesson right here huh?" I look at her confused wiping my eyes "please don't fire me miss olsen this is the only sorce of income I have " I pleade as she smirks sitting down "oh I'm not going to fire you be a good girl and go make sure the blinds are closed" I stand up confused as I close them "now come here I'm going to make that cute little ass red bend over the desk and show mommy your ass" her change of tone turning me on what the fuck is happening I slowly do as I'm told till I'm bent over my bosses desk her hands running down my back gently rubbing my ass making me bite my lip "you've been asking for this since you started such a clumsy girl can never do anything right huh, I think you need mommy to teach you " I let our a loud audible moan at her words making lizzie laugh "pl...please teach me mo..m..my" I beg as I feel her stand behind be pulling my ass flush against her waist the feeling of something hard pressing into me "can you feel what you do to me y/n" she whispers into my ear as I nod trying to press my ass into her harder "oh don't worry you'll get mommy's cock and load soon but first I gotta mark that ass of yours princess " I turn slightly as I bite my lip "I.. I.. I'm not on birth control" I stutter as she slaps my ass hard making me moan again "even better you'd love to be full of my seed with my baby growing in your cute little stomach" I nod slowly as she pushes my dress up over my ass "never knew you where a thong girl" she grins pulling my now drenched thong down my legs making me instantly spread my legs a groan falling from her lips as her fingers gently tease my soaking entrance "fuck" I cry out needing more her laugh ringing in my ear "I want you to count how many times I spank your ass can you do that properly? Can you count for mommy" she mocks as I nod her hand slamming onto my right ass cheek "one" I yelp suddenly another and another and another till she finally stops at 10, my ass feeling its on fire "my hand print looks good on your ass" she whispers biting my ear as she unbuttons her pants "so fucking hard thinking about making you take my dick" I turn with my back now on the desk needing to see her "fuck" I pant as she holds her hard cock in her hand "don't worry princess you'll be able to take it " she smirks as she steps closer teasing my dripping pussy "mommy please...Don.. t tease me" I beg as she finally pushes her whole length inside me making me scream "that's it sweetheart let them all hear how good mommy makes you feel" the rest of the world forgotten as I moan like never before as she runs her hand up my body my body grabbing my tits "gonna make you mine slut" she moans her thrusts somehow getting faster the feeling of her deep inside me hitting spots no one ever has has my whole body shaking "shit don't stop oh my fucking godddddddd I'm gonna cum"

I scream as I start to cum lizzies grin getting bigger as she continues to pound me not letting me recover "such a tight little pussy fuck it's like it was made for me" she leans down kissing me as pounds and pounds "fu...ck mommy" I moan against her lips for only her to hear "if you fuck up from now on I'm gonna fuck your brains out baby" I smirk as my eyes roll "that's just gonna make me do it on purpose" she moans as she slows her thrusts "so fucking naughty, I'm close sweetheart gonna fill your pussy" she moans her eyes closing as her thrusts get harder my second orgasm seconds away as I feel her hot sticky seed filling my unprotected pussy sending me over the edge making me cum harder than I ever have my body trembling as the pleasure rushes through me lizzie slamming deep inside me holding still "fuck y/n" she moans into my ear both of us recovering from the intense orgasm "now you gotta walk around with my cum leaking out of this well fucked cunt" she smirks teasing my clit making me shake "I don't even care" I giggle as she pulls out quickly fixing my panties for me "that was better than I've pictured" she smirks cupping my cheeks leaving a gentle kiss on my lips as she fixes her pants before sitting on her chair pulling me into her lap "but we do need to talk about all these mistakes sweetheart" I feel my cheeks blush and hide my face "it's because of you" lizzie looks at me shocked and confused "what do you mean" I groan as she grips my chin making me look at her "you make my brain short circuit like I know I can do the work but you somehow make my brain stop " she laughs cuddling into me "well I'm sure we can start to fix it from now on huh" I smile and nod as I cuddle into her a loud knock making me jump "go away come back in an hour" I giggle as she laughs "I want time with you they can wait" I smile and trace patterns on her neck as we cuddle in comfortable silence.

AN: hope this is OK 👍 drink water and stay hydrated babes 💗 word count 1.5k

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stevetonyweekly · 4 months

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SteveTony Weekly - May 19 - Week 20

Hi friends! My daughter's graduation activities start today (!!!!) and in anticipation of an extremely busy week, I asked @meidui to pinch hit with a guest rec list. Check out her fantastic recs, say hi, and before sure to comment/kudos the fic you enjoy!

Therapy Works (if your therapist isn't a Hydra agent) by @16woodsequ

Tony accidentally stumbles onto the fact that Steve isn't holding things together quite as well as he makes it look. As awkward as it is at first, Tony's been there, and he finds himself reaching out to him.

But the more he tries to push past Steve's walls the more he realises just how deep his issues go. And they all seem to be pointing in one direction.

Should he really be surprised to find SHIELD is at the root of it?

My Thoughts: in sequ we trust when it comes to steve whump!! poor steve is all messed up from shield's abuse and has a list of psychological/emotional issues longer than his pre-serum ailments, and the way it shows is SO SO SO detailed and devastating and believable, and tony being tony is trying to mend what's broken. this is being updated every thursday until it's done and there's so much meat in every chapter that even if you don't usually read wips, this is 100% worth following along 🥺

Just for the Conversation by @msermesth

Tony's fine. He's back on the Avengers, Steve seems to have forgiven him, and he’s building Resilient to change the world.

Then why is he so jealous of Steve’s new boyfriend?

(Or: that awkward moment when you realize you are in love with your old best friend while having a three-way with him and his boyfriend, who just happens to be your counterpart from another universe.)

My Thoughts: if you love multiverse fics like i do this is for you, it's the perfect cocktail of multiverse shenanigans 😌 and don't worry if you haven't read any of the comics before, the author's note is very helpful and you don't need much background to enjoy jealous tony and a steve sandwich <3

Fortune Favours the Bold by @bladeofthenebula27

Omega Steve Rogers is betrothed to an old rich alpha nearly three times his age, and decides on an act of passionate rebellion before his wedding.

My Thoughts: neb writes the best omegaverse fics ever so you automatically cannot go wrong, but the mistaken identity in this fic is so pleasing and steve's internal dialogue is >>>

When It Comes to Trying by @softanticipation

Steve is weird about food. Tony takes notice.

(Or, because I was once told that whenever characters share food together, it means something.)

My Thoughts: i love rereading this fic and it hits the spot every time <3 it starts in the shawarma restaurant post-battle of new york and doesn't shy away from how tony gradually goes from ""disdain"" to adoration and steve adjusts slowly and fits in better with the team, and there's flirting and steve is so sweet and tony gets so gentle with him!! and the focus on food is executed so well i want to eat the whole fic

late night talking by @omg-just-peachy

Steve realizes he can't sleep without the light of the arc reactor.

My Thoughts: if you look up "comfort fic" in the dictionary all 700 words of this fic is there!! the established relationship is established relationshipping and clingy steve waiting on tony is so sweet 🥺

#stevetony weekly #steve rogers #tony stark #stevetony #stony #iron man #captain america #stevetony fic #stony fic #fic rec

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floras-imagination · 6 months

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Robbers, forever? 🖤 matty healy x reader

CHAPTER 1

series masterlist

summary: Y/n and Matty break each other's hearts multiple times over the years, yet they find themselves unable to stay away from each other... and this is the beginning of their love story 🖤 authors note: This story is inspired by some of my fondest memories shared with an ex (but I've made some changes to better align the story with Matty's character), and each chapter is accompanied by poems I've written about that relationship. I've posted them on my poetry blog, so just click on the links you'll find in the chapters:) Hope you enjoy it as much as I do 💘 (i think it's so cuuuute) word count: 2,6 k warning: y/n struggles with a restrictive ed in the first few chapters (but it's just kinda mentioned in the diary entry at the beginning)

August 2012

Dear Diary, I wish I were stronger. I wish I could beat this illness, but I just can't. Every time I try to recover, I fail. I've been doing so well in the last few months, but it's always the same. As soon as I'm doing better I mess it up again. Why do I keep lying to myself? "I'm in control." "Just one more day." "I can stop if I want to." But I never do. A day turns into a week, and suddenly weeks have passed, and I can't control it anymore.

----------------

Y/n sat in her living room, having some dinner while watching the news. As she glanced at her phone, she noticed an incoming call from an unknown number.

After considering it for a moment, Y/n became curious, so she decided to answer. "Hello?"

"Y/n?", a male, familiar voice asked.

"Matty?", she asked slightly confused, immediately recognizing the man on the phone.

"Surprised?"

"Uhm... yeah, kind of, I guess. Haven't heard anything from you in ages. How've you been?"

Matty and Y/N have known each other from school. After they graduated a few years ago, they sometimes still bumped into each other in town, enjoying a nice chat and updating each other about their busy, somewhat messy adult lives. Though their paths seemed to cross every once in a while, they never really tried to stay in touch.

"Great, actually," he answered. "George and I got a bit bored, so I was wondering if maybe you wanna hang out with us?"

"Hang out with you?"

"Yeah, we'd pick you up."

"Okay, let me get this straight," the girl stated. "You and George got bored..."

"Yep."

"and out of all the things you could do, you chose to ask me if I want to hang out with you?"

"Now what's wrong with that?" Matty asked, as if it was the most normal thing in the world, to call someone you have never called before, asking them to hang out on a casual Thursday.

"Well, I don't kn... Wait! Where did you get my number from?"

"Doesn't really matter, does it?"

"It does matter somehow."

Suddenly, the sound of a car horn made Y/N jump.

"Nah. We're here by the way. You're coming?"

"Matty! It's 9:30; I'm already in my pajamas!" she exclaimed.

Matty laughed. "I don't care what you're wearing."

"And who even gave you my address?"

"Just get your ass out here!" he snickered into the phone. "Now!"

"You're insufferable!"

"Yeah, I know," he shrugged it off with a smirk.

"Give me at least a sec to put some clothes on." Not waiting for an answer, she hung up. Despite her confusion about Matty's suspicious call, she changed into a pair of jeans and a hoodie, quickly grabbing her jacket and keys as she went downstairs to leave the house.

Matty sat on the passenger seat of George's car, his arm casually dangling out of the open window. "Hi, Y/n!" he greeted her with a big smile on his face, causing y/n's bewilderment to grow.

"Hi, Y/n!" George called from the drivers seat.

"Hi...", she hesitantly answered, shyly waving her hand toward his direction.

"Come on, get inside!" Matty said excitedly.

"Matty, I still don't kn..."

"Sshhh!" he cut her off, pressing his index finger on his lips. "It'll be fun. I promise."

Y/n opened the door and placed herself on the backseat, putting on her seatbelt as George started the engine, ready to drive off.

"How are you Y/n?" Matty asked.

"Uhm.. fine, I guess. Bit tired. I have work tomorrow."

"Are you still working as a nurse, Y/n?" George asked.

"Yes, I am. How's your music thing going?"

"Absolutely amazing", Matty answered immediately. "We're currently working on our first album. It's gonna be a fuckin' banger, isn't it George?"

"Oh, definitely!", George added.

"That's cool. I'm so happy for you guys. Can't wait to hear it," Y/n grinned.

"You're gonna be the first to hear it when it's done.", Matty beamed.

George shook his head, trying to hide a chuckle as he glanced over to the overly excited Matty. "What?" Matty reacted.

"Nevermind," George now laughed.

Matty shook his curls out of his face. "Idiot."

"Where are we driving?" Y/n asked as she slowly got more comfortable in the presence of her old classmates.

"I don't know," both Matty and George stated in unison, looking at each other as neither of them had a clue about their destination.

"Maybe we can park the car over there," Matty pointed towards and empty parking space he randomly saw.

-------------------------

After George parked the car, Matty quickly left the car to open the door for Y/N.

Their gaze locked for a moment, as she looked up at him from her seat "Uhm.. thank you," she chuckled.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're welcome," he waved it off. "Don't mention it."

George rolled his eyes at Matty's silly behaviour. "Ouch!" he squeaked, as Matty stabbed him with his elbow.

"Ah look! A church," Matty stated as the three of them were heading towards one of the city's churches. "Quite stunning, isn't it?"

"It's just a church, mate," George raised an eyebrow at his best friend.

"Shall we sit down on that bench over there? Hope I won't go up in flames. Wouldn't that be fun, huh?" Matty asked.

A slight chuckle left Y/n lips, as she realized that going outside with Matty and George wasn't as bad as she expected. She was actually glad that she picked up that call. A little bit of distraction from her mind and her self-destructive thoughts had been long overdue.

"Do you smoke, Y/n?"

"Nah, it's disgusting."

George threw his head back in heavy laughter before patting Matty's shoulder, who looked at him in his usual clumsy way.

"What is it with you today, George?" Matty asked, shaking his head. "You're acting kinda weird."

"Me? No idea what you're talking about," he kept on laughing.

Y/n was still standing in front on the bench, while only the two boys were sitting.

"Anyway," Matty looked away from George, turning his face toward Y/n. "You know you can actually sit down here beside me." Matty said as his curls were dangling in his eyes again. He pushed them aside with his hand as he continued, "We don't bite, you know?"

"Well, I certainly won't," George still couldn't get over whatever he was laughing about. "But I wouldn't be so sure about Matty."

Matty kicked his foot against George's. "I'm sorry about him. He's usually not like that."

"It's okay, I'd rather keep standing. I just wish I knew what he's laughing about, so I could join in," the blonde girl chuckled.

"No, I think it'd best if he kept it to himself", Matty said with a pointed look at George, his tone firm, implying he should refrain from sharing the source of his amusement. "... wouldn't it, George?"

"Ookayy... this is... weird," Y/n said while observing the two musicians, trying to figure out what was going on.

Matty knew why George was enjoying himself this much, but he didn't want anyone else to know, especially not Y/n. He instantly started to regret that he had told his long kept secret to his best friend earlier that day, since George was on his best way of ruining Matty's well-thought-out plan.

George cleared his throat as he finally pulled himself back together. "Mh, mh...," he hummed. After lighting his own fag he handed the lighter over to Matty so he could light his.

Y/N watched as he blew the smoke out, which slowly meandered all over his face before evaporating into the cold, dark night. As he slowly opened up his eyes, their glances met for a second but she looked down at her feet immediately, to avoid having any more eye contact.

"I kinda miss going to school with you guys," Matty informed them. "Do you miss it too sometimes?"

"Nah, certainly not," George answered, but Matty's eyes were fixed on Y/n.

"Yeah, I do," Y/n chuckled. "Do you know who I miss the most?"

"No, who?" Matty asked, before he quickly added "Ah, no, wait! I know it!"

Y/n raised her eyebrow, waiting for his answer.

"It's me!"

George and Y/n looked at each other before bursting out in laughter.

"Oh damn, Matty. I wish I had an ego as big as yours," Y/n snickered.

"Yeah, well... okay. Who is it then?", Matty shrugged.

"It's Mr. Miller. I kinda miss his bad jokes"

"Haha, yeah, he was such a pervert, though."

"Yeah, I know. That's what made it so funny," she answered.

"I mean, he was only that funny because his jokes were so bad. Ridiculous." George added, slightly chuckling under his breath.

"Wait... doesn't he live over there?" The girl turned around, pointing towards a house across the street from the church.

"Uhm..," Matty thought for a moment before he continued "Yes! He does! He told us about the annoying chimes of the bell tower right in front of his house, didn't he?"

"Yeah, he did. Wow, that's amazing. Come on, let's see if he's home," not even waiting for a response, she started to make her way across the street to Mr. Miller's house.

"Y/n!" Matty whisper-screamed, "Are you insane? It's half 10. He's probably in bed already, shagging his wife or something."

George laughed at Matty's words. "I'm in. This is fun. Come on Matty. Don't be such a wimp." He stood up from the bench they were sitting on, walking over to Y/n.

Matty was still sitting on the bench, his arms crossed in front of his chest like a little kid left behind by his parents.

"Matty!" Y/n turned around to call him once again. "Get your ass up!"

Matty rolled his eyes before he got up, slowly strolling over the street to where is friends stood.

"Who's gonna ring the doorbell?" George asked, looking at Matty, who immediately responded in denial. "Don't look at me like that! I won't do it."

"And you want to call yourself a man? Pathetic." Y/n snapped in annoyance.

Surprised but kind of impressed by her answer, the two boys looked at each other and shrugged.

"I'll do it then," y/n informed them before she rang the doorbell at Mr. Miller's front door.

After waiting for a few seconds with no answer, she decided to ring the bell again.

"I think no one's home.", George said.

"I told you he's under his wife!", Matty stated.

Y/n chuckled as she looked at Matty to respond "Yeah Matty, you might be right. Let's leave then."

"I'm always right. Don't know why no one's ever listening to me," he said as they walked back to their bench across the street.

Now it was only George who sat down again, while Y/n and Matty stood in front of the bench.

"Imagine..," y/n started as she turned around to face Matty "like what if they were really in there..."

"They were!" Matty interrupted her. "Believe me."

They both chuckled in unison at their silly and dirty imagination. As Matty sought eye contact again, she tried to cover up her mouth with her hand, feeling a bit insecure. This time, she didn't look away but locked her gaze with his, looking up at the curly-haired man. Suddenly, something seemed to click in her. The sound of his laughter touched her soul like rays of sunshine, covered in sweet melodies. Like the myelin sheath of axons, allowing them to reach her ears even faster than the speed of light. She didn't yet know that this exact moment would change her life forever. That this exact moment was the start of a series of memories she would never get rid of. She didn't yet know that if a magical creature offered her to relive one day of her life, she would unhesitatingly choose this one.

If she had known all this, she probably would have held onto this moment longer. Maybe her question would have been something like 'Can we stay a bit longer?' or 'Can we make this night last forever?'

But instead, she said "Can we go home now? I'm kinda freezing, and I have to get up very early tomorrow."

"Yeah, sure thing," Matty said. And even though he wanted this rather intimate moment between the two of them to last forever or at least a little bit longer, he slowly loosened his gaze from hers. "George? Come on, off we go."

George stood up, and they slowly walked back to the car, neither of them saying a word. It seemed as if something magical lingered in the air. George had noticed that something had happened between Y/N and his best friend — something that changed the entire atmosphere around them, adorning it with a sweet, metaphorical scent.

🖤[poem 1]🖤

As Matty was about to open the car door, Y/n stopped him. "Look! There's a firefly!"

"Where?" Matty asked, wildly looking around.

"Right there, in your hair," she pointed up to his messy curls. "Wait, don't move." She carefully reached out her finger to his hair, trying to let the little firefly crawl onto it.

"It's so cute, isn't it?" she asked, showing him the insect on her finger.

"It is. I've never actually seen one before. Have you?" he asked while admiring the glowing creature on Y/n's finger.

"No, I haven't."

"Look, there's another one," Matty stated as he pointed his finger in the air next to Y/n's face.

Just a few seconds later, they found themselves surrounded by hundreds of fireflies, their gentle glow illuminating the dark night around them.

George was already sitting in the car as he rolled down the window, curious why his friends were still standing outside of the car. "What's going on out there?" he asked.

Done admiring the fireflies, Y/n and Matty got in the car. "Man, you missed out on something. About a million fireflies were out there!" Matty exaggerated.

"Oh really? I see them all the time in my garden," George answered casually as he started driving.

"You must be kidding!" Matty stated in surprise.

"No, like literally almost every single night!" he laughed and kept on driving towards Y/n's house to drop her off.

🖤[poem 2]🖤

🖤[poem 3]🖤

--------------------

When George stopped the car in front of Y/n's house, she unbuckled her seatbelt, getting ready to leave the car.

"So, uhm... it was nice to hang out with you, guys," Y/n said.

"Yeah..." Matty started before he was cut off by George.

"Yeah, Y/n. I'm pretty sure Matty liked it too," George teased, wriggling his eyebrows.

"Thank you, George," Matty rolled his eyes at him. "But I think I can speak for myself, can't I? I'm a big boy, I suppose." He turned around to face Y/n in the backseat. "So, yeah. I loved it. It was fun. Maybe we can hang out again at the weekend?"

"Yes, I'd love that," she shyly smiled in response.

"Great."

"Okay. Well, goodnight then," she said, opening the door to get out of the car. "See ya, guys!"

"Bye, Y/n!" George waved.

"See ya!" Matty called out of the open window as she was already out of the car, opening her front door, waving goodbye with a smile on her face.

After she disappeared into the house, Matty immediately turned around, confronting George. "You fuckin' idiot!"

"What? What have I done now?" George laughed.

"George, I'm telling you...," Matty warned him. "If you ruin this..."

"I won't ruin anything, mate. I think you need to settle down a bit. Tonight went quite well, didn't it?"

"Yeah... Yeah, I think so," Matty looked outside the window, his tired head resting on his hand, his mind replaying the evening's events like scenes from a movie...

_____________

Let me know what you think xx

#matty healy #matty healy x reader #matty healy x y/n #matty x reader #matty healy fic #matty the 1975 #matty fic #fanfiction #fanfic #the 1975 fanfic #the 1975 #matty healy imagine #matty healy smut #the 1975 fic #robbers forever

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babymetaldoll · 2 years

Text

Baby I'm yours- Chapter one: "Fuck it, I'm in love"

Summary: Spencer and reader have been together for just two weeks and their relationship is still too new. However, they are still getting used to being lovers and not just friends after so many years.

Warnings: I curse a lot, mention of smut, usual Criminal Mind cases info and descriptions.

Word count: 7,9K (because apparently I can't write 2K chapters)

Divider by @skylightlantern

A/N: Thank you to everybody who supported me and waited for this update. Guys! honey bunny and chipmunk are back!!

Series Masterlist | General Masterlist | Prequel Masterlist

Next chapter

Spencer’s point of view

I sighed and breathed in as (Y/N)’s hair fell on my face when I rolled in bed. I wrapped my arms around her and moved her closer, as she continued sleeping. We had been together for ten days. The best ten days of my life, if you ask me. Catching unsubs wasn’t even bothering me. The blood, the gore, I didn’t care about that anymore, as long as I could be with my sweet (Y/N) next to me.

Yes, I am cheesy. And I’m not even sorry.

- “Wake up princess, time to go to work.”- I whispered softly in her ear as she rolled in bed and hid her face in the crook of my neck.

- “I don’t wanna”- (Y/N) whispered and held me close- “I wanna stay here with you”

- “I wanna stay here too, with you. But we got a case.”

- “Why can’t fucking psychos take a day off?”

- “Been asking myself the same for some time now. Wanna shower with me to save time?”- (Y/N) giggled and looked at me, as I leaned over and pecked her lips.

- “Last time we did that we didn’t save time. We actually were late for work and everybody made fun of us.”- I chuckle at the memory of that day. Well, it was just last Thursday, and Morgan is still teasing me about it.

- “Fine, you shower and I’ll make breakfast.”- I sigh defeated, but in a second her arms around my neck make me giggle again- “What are you doing, chipmunk?”

- “I’m giving you your good morning kiss, my sweet prince.”- I chuckled and kissed her sweetly, biting carefully her lips as she rubbed them against mine.

- “I am not getting out of bed if you are doing this to me, chipmunk.”

- “Come on, honey. We didn’t leave this bed for the entire weekend. Time to work”

- “That’s not true… we spent some fun time on the couch too, and on the kitchen counter… and in the bathtub”

- “Spencer Walter Reid, you are acting like a horny teenager!”- (Y/N) laughed and looked at me as I blushed, but kept smiling and caressing her cheeks as I stared at her.

- “I might be… but I just wanna spend every second I have with you, now that I have you”

- “You are gonna have me forever, honey bunny,”- I kept my eyes in hers and tried to take it all in. Her sweet smile, the loving look in her eyes, her scent. Everything drove me mad about her in the most sensual and yet adorable way. I didn’t want to get out of bed, but I knew we had to. Most of all I knew we had to keep our behavior at our best. We had promised Hotch we were going to keep it professional. So far we had managed, though believe me, it had been a challenge.

I had never had a girlfriend before. I didn’t know what it was like to have someone who loved me back. Yes, it was still odd for me to face my feelings so openly in front of (Y/N). And it was still weird to hold her hand and hear her saying she loved me. But I wouldn’t change it for the world. I wanted to give her everything I could. All my love, all my kisses, all of me, if she had me.

It is hard for me to explain exactly how it felt. I was so happy my entire soul was about to burst out of my body each time I held (Y/N)’s hand and kissed her lips. And at the same time, I was freaking out ‘cos I knew I could ruin it. I usually ruin the few good things that happen to me. I could speak too much and think too much. I overanalyze everything.

- “Ok hon, it’s your turn to drive today”- (Y/N) announced as she grabbed her bag and her coffee to go.

- “Do I have to?”- I pouted and frowned immediately- “You know I’m not a big fan of cars.”

- “You were the one who said that didn’t want Morgan to make fun of your driving anymore.”

- “I know, I know. I just get nervous”- (Y/N) gave me my satchel and smiled widely.

- “If you drive us to work today, I will give you a reward tonight.”- my eyes open wide at those words. She knows the effect she has on me, ‘cos she is giggling. Is it too obvious that my pants are feeling tight right away?

- “Oh my god! Spencer Walter Reid! you are such a horny boyfriend!”- (Y/N) shouted, laughing as she opened the front door.

- “But I didn’t say anything!”

- “You didn’t have to! I know you!”

- “Please don’t profile me, chipmunk! we promised we would never do that to each other”

- “I am not profiling you, hon. You have a boner.”- she chuckled as I moved my satchel to cover myself as we walked out of her apartment.

- “I… this… what I’m…”

- “Come on, honey bunny. Don’t get all shy now. You know I love it when your pants are feeling too tight.”- she wanted to kill me, I knew it. And honestly, dead by her kisses sounded like heaven to me.

(Y/N)’s point of view

There are no words that could ever explain how I felt walking into the BAU holding Spencer Walter Reid’s hand. My whole body trembled with happiness and a deep sensation of peace. His finger intertwined with mine, and the sweet smile on his face as he opened the door for me was all I needed to start the day.

Well, Spencer’s kisses earlier that morning had been, in fact, all I needed to be happy. But we couldn’t share those kinds of moments at work, Hotch had warned us already.

- "You know I am very happy for you, but I need you to keep your relationship at work strictly professional."

And of course, we had agreed with our Unit Chief.

- “Did I drive alright?”- Spencer asked me, and I nodded. I wanted to lean in and kiss him, tell him he had won a reward that night. But I couldn’t. Holding hands was all we could do at work, and that was already pushing things a little. So I walked to my desk and sighed, staring at the pile of paperwork I had to do.

- “Good morning, lovebirds”- Penelope walked into the bullpen holding a bunch of file cases- “I’m sorry to bring the news, but we have a case.”

- “I guess I’ll just keep piling up paperwork on my desk, then”- I sighed and held my coffee. Spencer did the same and cut me another shy smile.

- “You two are so sweet!! I can’t deal with all the love in this room!!”- Garcia nearly squealed- “Please, tell me you are getting married and having a million babies as soon as possible.”

- “And you told me I wasn’t the one supposed to scare them”- Morgan chuckled, overhearing Garcia’s excitement as he walked from the kitchenette toward our desks.

- “I am not scaring them! I’m just telling them what everybody wants!”- Penelope defended herself and pouted- “Besides, picture their babies! they are going to be so cute and smart!”

I looked at how Spencer’s cheeks turned red, but his eyes sparkled with joy. Clearly, he wanted to have babies. I hadn’t thought of it yet; we had been dating for a couple of days, literally. But I was in that relationship for the long run and there was no one else I would rather have babies with than Spencer.

- “Come on! I don’t want Hotch to get mad at us,”- I said and started walking to the conference room, knowing Spencer was following close behind.

So far, our BAU family, plus Frank, Mikey, and Lu were the only ones who knew about our relationship. Honestly, we hadn’t had time to tell anyone else. Spencer told me we could make a short trip to Vegas in a few weeks to tell his mother, and I thought it was the sweetest idea. I loved Diana, and I knew she was going to be happy with the news.

However, the idea of telling my family made me feel a little uneasy. I knew they loved Spencer as much as I did. I just didn’t want to hear mom’s comment about how our job was too dangerous, stressful, and demanding. Besides, I knew Phoenix was going to start acting all protective, like an older brother. And I didn’t want to go through all that. And who knew what my dad was going to say or do? Jesus! I kept praying he wouldn’t act all possessive and threaten Spencer with a gun as he did with my first boyfriend. So, telling them wasn’t in my plans at the moment.

It was a good thing we had a new case, which gave us little time not to think of any family issues. Spencer moved the chair for me, and I cut him a smile as I sat down. Hotch looked at us, and I could feel the pride coming from his eyes. You could tell he was happy for us.

- “Where's Prentiss?”- Morgan asked, looking around trying to spot her in the bullpen.

- “I don't know.”- I shrugged and opened the file case in front of me- “Maybe she overslept.”

- “Her car wasn't here when we rode in this morning.”- Spencer added, and I bit my lip, thinking of the make-out session we had in the parking lot when we got to work, just to help us through the day not touching.

- “I'm gonna give her a call, get her eta.”- Pen said and walked to the door the second Emily showed up, looking rather exhausted.

- “Hey.”

- “Somebody had a long night?”- Derek was trying to be fun and playful, but it backfired quickly.

- “Somebody wants to mind their own business?”- clearly Prentiss wasn’t in the mood for jokes. Spencer looked at me, frowning and I shrugged. Things I’ve learned working at the BAU: you never upset Prentiss when she is crossed.

- “Garcia.”- Hotch’s voice forced me to sit straight on my chair, even when he wasn’t even talking to me. I guess I was very self-conscious of every movement I made.

- “Oh. Spin the wheel and it is sunny Los Angeles, people.”- Pen turned on the screen and started going through the pictures.

- “Two times in one year, huh?”- I was about to argue with Morgan’s comment when Rossi asked:

- “Remind me again why it’s called the City of Angels.”- and of course, my boyfriend had an answer to that question.

- “It was originally called the town of our lady the queen of the angels.”- and everybody turned to look at Spencer- “That was a rhetorical question, wasn't it?”

- “Maybe, but can you tell me more about that later?”- I whispered and squeezed his hands underneath the table. He smiled and blushed as Rossi shook his head and chuckled.

- “You make my teeth hurt.”

- “This is a weird one.”- Garcia’s voice took me from my staring competition with Spence.

- “As opposed to?”- Morgan questioned as Prentiss kept pouring herself a cup of black coffee. I looked at her for a second, she looked nervous and tired. Did something happen to her? She had been acting a little off, but I thought she might be dating someone. Maybe the Scottish guy she kept talking with.

But it wasn’t time to sniff around my friend’s life. It was time to work and I had to make an effort to focus.

My cell phone rang as I grabbed my go bag from my desk and headed to the elevator. Spencer was waiting for me to go to the jet.

- “Hey dad!”- and that was a call I didn’t want to answer.

- “Hey peanut! how are you doing? Where are you today?”

- “Just leaving town. We are on our way to Los Angeles.”

- “Again? what’s wrong with that city?”- I chuckled and held Spencer’s hand as we got into the elevator.

- “I don’t know, but clearly, sunny weather ain’t no certainty of security. How are you?”

- “I’m well, just calling to catch up with my favorite daughter.”

- “You know I’m the only one you have, right?”- I joked and my boyfriend chuckled, overhearing my conversation with my father.

- “So, when are we meeting for lunch?”

- “How about dinner when we come back from the case?”

- “We? Are you bringing Spencer?”- oh shit…

- “Yeah, is that ok?”

- “Of course! I love that kid. There are still a few scrapbooks I haven’t shown him.”- his excitement made me chuckle.

- “He is going to be so thrilled.”- and I wasn’t even being sarcastic.

- “Then it’s a date. Call me when you get home and please be safe.”

- “You too dad. I love you.”

- “I love you more, peanuts.”- I hung up and turned to Spencer, who kept playing with my fingers the entire time.

- “Do I have to ask your dad for permission to date you?”- his voice was a soft whisper, I don’t know if he was afraid of my answer or paranoid about getting caught talking about our relationship.

- “Are you scared of what he might answer if you ask?”- I whispered, leaning closer to him. Spencer smiled, kind of awkward, and cleared his throat. But before he could answer, the elevator’s door opened and we were forced to walk, rather quickly, to the jet.

Spencer’s point of view

(Y/N) frowned as she stared at the corpse’s pictures in the case file she held. We were in the jet on our way to Los Angeles, and she kept the satin scarf around her neck, covering the hickey I left on her skin the night before. I remembered second by second the moment I marked her as mine. I remembered clearly how her body felt under mine. She trembled as my lips traveled slowly from her mouth to her neck, enjoying the taste of every inch of her skin. The sound of her moans and sighs kept guiding me and encouraging me to go on.

- “Reid?”- Morgan raised an eyebrow and kept staring at me with a silly grin.

- “What?”- I widened my eyes as I waited for his words.

- “I asked you if, considering we are going to Los Angeles…. You might give Lila Archer a call.”- there was a silence in that plane, too awkward to even describe it. (Y/N) raised her eyes at Morgan and if looks could kill, my friend would be buried already.

- “No. Why would you even suggest that?”- I shook my head as Derek simply shrugged.

- “I think, Spencer, that our dear friend here just wants to find all the ways to make you feel uncomfortable around me at work, ‘cos he can be a jerk sometimes”- my girlfriend said and sighed- “I would say it’s disappointing, but it’s actually what I expected from him.”

I just kept my eyes on her, as Morgan just chuckled and turned to Hotch. I kept my eyes on (Y/N), she was still looking at the case file and clearly, something was bothering her, so I made my way to the kitchenette and started making a cup of tea for her and one for me as well. My mind kept going back to the images of (Y/N) naked under me on my bed, so I started rambling facts about the case, in a desperate attempt to focus on work, and avoid getting a hard on in front of the team.

- “Methanol is compositionally speaking the simplest of the alcohols. It's actually ubiquitous in the environment. There are small traces of its vapor in the atmosphere, but atmospheric methanol is easily oxidized by sunlight.”

I didn’t even breathe.

- “Is it toxic?”- Prentiss asked right away.

- “Ingesting 10 milliliters of it will cause permanent blindness, and as little as 30 is potentially fatal.”- I kept giving facts and picked two bags of earl grey tea.

- “These victims had between five and six ounces in their lungs.”- Morgan seemed confused by my words, but I just continued talking and poured hot water into two cups.

- “You know, if they were immersed in it, they would have died even without ingesting or inhaling it. When absorbed through the skin, it depresses the central nervous system to an unsustainable degree.”

- “Well, what's it used for?”- Morgan kept his eyes on me as I walked to (Y/N) and gave her a cup of freshly made tea, and sat next to her, as she whispered a sweet thank you. I couldn’t help but picture her naked again, so I started spitting facts one more time.

- “What isn't it used for? A solvent, an antifreeze. In World war II the Germans used it for rocket fuel. It's used in wine-making. Its most commonplace use, however, is in the creation of other chemicals. Methanol can become plastic, plywood, paint, explosives, and permanent press textiles. It's essentially the chemical used to separate other chemicals from each other.”

- “Breath, honey.”- (Y/N) smiled at me and landed her hand on my knee, making me realize I was rambling too fast.

- “Can it be bought? Is it tracked?”- I heard Prentiss’ question but didn’t answer it by decision. Instead, I focused on the warm feeling (Y/N)’s touch gave me. It was soothing and relaxing. Just knowing she was there made me feel better about basically everything.

- “California's got some of the strictest environmental laws in the country. I'm sure it's regulated.”- Hotch analyzed, and Rossi continued talking.

- “Yeah, but methanol is also used in making biofuels, which quite a few people have been doing at home. I'd imagine the sale of it is fairly commonplace.”

- “But he needs enough in which to immerse a body.”- Hotch replied, and though I wanted to add a thought, I didn’t. I held (Y/N)’s hand instead and intertwined my fingers with hers.

- “All the victims were nude, but there's no evidence of sexual assault on any of them.”- Morgan added, and Prentiss continued talking.

- “And the skin was removed from the bottom of the foot. Unless we're talking about a foot fetishist, you actually can't get further away from sexual areas.”- (Y/N) let my hand go suddenly and tapped on my leg sweetly. It was my cue.

- “Yeah. Impotent sadists like Robert Napper typically take their frustration out on their victims. You'd think there'd be a lot more kill.”

- “And what he's doing is very specific, very focused. It’s not just about sex or power.”- my girlfriend added, and I nodded at his words.

- “What about the skin patches? Is this a trophy of some sort?- Rossi questioned, staring right at me.

- “I have no idea. Skin, independent of any other substance, would wither and die rather quickly.”

- “ Well, that might be the thing that's forcing our unsub back out on the hunt.”

- “Considering the wide divergence of abduction and dumpsites, this guy could be anywhere. L. A. is over 500 square miles.”

- “Uh, 498.3”- I corrected and Morgan shook his head, annoyed.

- “And the fact that no one has seen him either abduct or dispose says he knows the city and its patterns well. Day and night, it's all the same.”- Rossi looked at (Y/N) and waited for any word coming from her. She had been very quiet since we got on the plane. But instead, Hotch spoke.

- “Reid, you and (Y/N) start working on how he is getting so much methanol, plus a geographical profile. We need to narrow down his hunting area.”- we both nodded and re-opened the file again. I was excited to know I was paired with her. Hotch trusted me, and that felt good. I didn’t want to let him down.

(Y/N)’s point of view

I hated Hotch. He kept pairing me with Spencer, and I felt like I was never going to do my work in peace again, ‘cos I kept thinking about humping that hot boyfriend I had every minute of every hour we were together. It was already hard enough leaving the house every day on time for work, and keeping my hands off him for over 9 hours every day.

Honestly, I don’t wanna sound like a horny teenager, but I had held myself back for years. Years! I didn’t want to anymore. I didn’t feel like I could. So when I saw Spencer walking toward me in those tight gray pants and that white shirt, I knew my day was gonna be hell.

- “Ready chipmunk?”- he whispered and I nodded- “Ok, let’s get to work.”

The last thing I wanted to do with Spencer was work. Every hour was torture. I couldn’t even kiss him in that police station. And no, I didn’t try to sneak him into the bathroom with me or anything like it, though I thought about it more than once. I had to make sure to keep it professional.

At least until that night.

I knew what I was doing was wrong. I knew it was childish, and most of all, it was just what Hotch had asked us not to do the minute we told them we were together. But none of that actually mattered, ‘cos there I was, sneaking into Spencer’s room in the middle of the night.

He opened the door and smiled at me, wrapping his arms around me before I could close the door behind my back.

- “Wait, Batsy, someone might see us,”- I whispered and turned around, but his arms locked me against his chest, and his lips moved quickly all over my skin.

- “I missed you so much,”- Spencer whispered and pushed me against the door, closing it.

- “We were together the whole day”- I chuckled and sighed, enjoying the nice welcome.

- “But being professional and not kissing you all day is horrible. It’s torture!”

I stared at him, unbuttoning my shirt, and bit my lips. Spencer Walter Reid was my boyfriend, and I couldn’t be happier to enjoy his love.

- “I missed kissing you too,”- I murmured, running my fingers through his hair as his lips made their way to my neck, sucking carefully my skin, making me moan in a second.

- “I swear, we are catching this guy tomorrow, so we can go back home and be together”- I chuckled at the desperation in his words, but I couldn’t even answer, ‘cos someone knocked at the door, and the two of us froze, wide opening our eyes, feeling caught.

- “I’m busy”- that was all Spencer managed to say.

- “Open up, kid. We need to talk.”- Derek commanded from the hall. I quickly buttoned my shirt as Spencer looked at me, almost like a lost puppy, and fixed his clothes too.

- “Sorry,”- I whispered, and gave him a short smile. Defeated, my boyfriend opened the door, and I waved at Morgan, who widened his eyes as soon as he saw me there.

- “Shit, kids. I’m sorry. I didn’t think you would be here.”

- “It’s ok. We were just catching up on a few things. I have to go back to my room anyway. It’s late already. I’ll leave you two to talk.”- I kissed Spencer’s lips, feeling Morgan’s eyes on us the whole time.

- “Good night, chipmunk,”- my boyfriend whispered and caressed my face sweetly.

- “Bye, Morgan”

- “Sleep tight, pretty girl.”

I closed the door behind my back, and Morgan nearly yelled right away.

- “My man!!”

I could only imagine Spencer’s cheeks as he heard our friend’s teasing. We knew Morgan would give him a hard time when we told them we had started dating.

- “You owe me”- I read the incoming text from my boyfriend and chuckled as I laid back in bed.

- “No, you owe me a thousand kisses”- I texted back and closed my eyes, waiting eagerly for his reply.

- “Deal. But I get to choose where I kiss you”- how on earth did I wait for so long to tell him I loved him?

There was one downside of dating Spencer, though. My boyfriend was very insecure. He was jealous and scared someone was going to show up and steal me away from him. He couldn’t see he was the sun of my days, and that I would never change him for anyone else. Like that could ever happen. I had been in love with Spencer Walter Reid since day one, and though we had only been together for two weeks, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. No questions asked. If he asked me to marry him that night, I would have accepted in a second, and actually, drag him to the nearest church.

The following morning, when we reached the police station, Spencer took a look around the room and scanned the bunch of police officials that greeted the team. There was nothing out of the ordinary, so I smiled at him and continued walking to our office, where we started working right away. Morgan called García and asked for information about the taxi companies that worked in the area of the latest abductions, and for a moment, I enjoyed overhearing their random conversation. Until...

- “SSA (Y/L/N)”- one of the police officials knocked on the door and half opened it. We all stopped and turned to see him, but he just smiled and walked in.- “Good morning, I just wanted to bring you something to eat with your coffee”- and just like that, he gave me a donut. I didn’t know how to act, or what to say. I never saw that coming, honestly. So I just cut him a very polite smile and watched him walk out of the room.

The way all of my teammates looked at me was embarrassing, to say the least. But the look in Spencer’s eyes was pure jealousy.

- “Someone has been breaking hearts at the station while we’ve been breaking our backs trying to catch a serial killer.”- Morgan joked as I shook my head right away.

- “I have no idea what this is all about”- and I wasn’t lying.

- “You are cute, (Y/N).”- Prentiss smiled at me and grabbed the donut- “And if you are not gonna eat it, I will gladly help.”

- “Thanks”- I mumbled as she continued talking.

- “We can go out for drinks when we get home. Maybe you can get us a few rounds for free.”- Spencer stood up and faced the blackboard with leads in one corner of the room. Of course, he was mad. No questions asked. And of course, the team had to make it worse.

- “I’m actually surprised this hadn’t happened before. Bad luck for this official, Spencer already made his move.”- and Morgan chuckled at his own joke.

- “Let’s focus on work now.”- Hotch basically commanded, his expression serious as I nodded and took a look at the room. Prentiss kept reading files as she ate the donut, Morgan did the same, trying to steal part of the pastry. Spencer didn’t turn and kept his back to us, pretending to be focused on the board. But I knew he was just jealous.

- “What about a gypsy cab?”- Rossi pointed out after a short silence- “They roam around in unregistered vehicles with fake insignias that look legit.”

- “There are 2,300 registered cabs in the city and at least as many unregistered.”- detective Bailey added, as Hotch kept walking around the room looking even more serious.

- “And no one pays any attention when they get into a cab.”- Rossi sentenced.

- “If he's unregistered, he's not gonna sit outside taxi stands and wait to pick up fares in the traditional way.”- I added and kept my eyes on the map behind Spencer, trying to see if there were any official taxi stands there. But mostly ‘cos I wanted to see if Spencer turned to look at me. But he didn’t.

- “Which makes him either harder to find. This guy could be anywhere.”

- “Detective, can you gather everyone? We'd like to give the profile.”- Hotch interrupted Morgan and we all stood up to get ready. Detective Bailey walked out of the room, along with Rossi, Prentiss, and Morgan. But I stayed behind with Hotch, waiting for Spencer.

- “What is it, Reid?”- our Unit Chief asked, and I prayed we just talked about our professional issues.

- “When I was in school, we used to use methanol to separate chemicals from each other. Whatever we did, we’d clip a sample of the source material to label and keep next to the output.”- my boyfriend explained, frowning.

- “What kind of samples?”- I asked him, already knowing the answer.

- “Square samples 2 inches by 2 inches.”- right like our unsub.- “I think this guy's a scientist and he's experimenting.”

- “What kind of samples could he be getting from each girl?”- I asked but neither of them answered - “It sounds like that book, “Perfume.” Do you think he is trying to capture an essence?”- I asked, honestly wondering if this case was related to the book. But neither of them could give me an answer.

- “Let’s deliver the profile”- Hotch walked to the door and I held Spencer’s hand, stopping him from walking away.

- “We’ll be there in a second”- I cut Hotch a short smile and pulled Spencer’s arm closer to me, as he tried to walk towards the door.

- “Two minutes”- I nodded at Hotch’s words before he closed the door behind his back.

- “Don’t be mad at me.”- I whispered right away, and the word left my lips more like a plea than as a command.

- “I am not mad at you, chipmunk.”- Spencer mumbled and looked at his feet. He was nearly pouting, and I couldn’t help but feel it made him look adorable. He was too cute for his own good. And mine. How could I control myself around him if he looked like that?

- “Then why are you acting like this, honey?”

- “I just… how should I act when some random cop just stops a meeting to flirt with you? And I know I can not tell them you are mine!”

- “I don’t care if a cop gives me a donut! I don’t even like donuts! I just want you. I love you!”

- “And I love you too”- Spencer whispered as I moved closer and wrapped my arms around him, feeling the warmth of his body invading mine, making me feel loved, protected, and… automatically aroused.

- “You are the one who is gonna take me home as soon as we catch this killer. Don’t forget that.”- I added and looked at how his cheeks turned red in less than a second.

- “I know… I just… it’s hard to forget you are way out of my league. I still don’t know who I got lucky enough to call you mine.”- and that just hurt.

- “What? Who says that?”

- “Everyone who knows we are dating”

- “Honey Bunny, I am not out of your league. You are hot, smart, and funny! and most importantly, I love you!”- I stood on the tip of my toes and grabbed the collar of his shirt, pulling him closer to plant a kiss on his lips. It was fast and sweet, and it left me wanting more immediately.

Spencer stared at me, dumbfounded for a second. And that’s when Hotch opened the door and stared at us.

- “We are waiting.”

Spencer’s point of view

The team was out, (Y/N) and I were alone at the station - alone in the middle of all those officials- trying to narrow the geographic profile. And you know what? Despite my initial thoughts of Hotch longing to torture us, I was actually enjoying my time alone with my girlfriend. I knew I would never be able to work if we were apart. I could never live with myself if anything ever happens to her while we are together.

- “This is impossible”- (Y/N) mumbled, staring at the blackboard- “This unsub is all over the city, dumping bodies like a pizza delivery guy”- my phone rang that second, it was Prentiss.

- “Could it be smell?”

- “What?”- that came out of nowhere. Well, not exactly, (Y/N) had said it earlier, but we had nothing to link it with yet.

- “Could smell be what's attracting him to his victim?”

- “Distillation extraction.”- I whispered and turned to my girlfriend.

- “I told you it was like Perfume”- she shook her head as I went through the plot of that book in my mind, again.

- “Well, I hope you know what you just said, 'cause you lost me.”- Prentiss said at the other side of the line, and I proceeded to briefly explain the facts.

- “Methanol can be used to create scents or aromas. If you soak something in it for hours, it draws out the essential oils. Emily, let me call you right back, ok?”

- “I’m gonna call Hotch”- (Y/N) said as I hung up my phone.

- “And I’m gonna call García. We have to narrow down all the equipment needed to distill an essence.”

- “And I thought homemade scented candles could be a nice hobby”- (Y/N) joked as I dialed.

- “Hello loverboy, what can I do for you today?”

- “Hey García, I need you to help me track and address where a specific kind of equipment has been delivered.”

- “Do you have a list?”

- “No, but I can dictate it very fast”

- “Tell her I can fax it”- (Y/N) interrupted me and Garcia chuckled.

- “That is the best girlfriend ever, right there. She deserves a donut.”- of course, Morgan had told her already about what had happened that morning. It felt like nothing could ever be private working in the BAU. I bit my lip, as I meant to tell her (Y/N) doesn’t like donuts, but instead I heard Garcia say goodbye.

- “Hotch is on his way with Rossi”- (Y/N) announced, sitting by my side to start writing down all the equipment for a distillation extraction home lab, while I stared at her for a minute.

- “What?”- she whispered- “Am I forgetting anything?”

- “Receiver flasks”- I read the list quickly and my eyes moved back to her lips as she smiled. I had to close my eyes for a second and list prime numbers to control myself.

- “So, I was thinking, they are showing the original “Solaris” tonight back home. If we get there on time, do you wanna watch it with me?”- my girlfriend asked and for a moment, all I could do was stare at her in silence.

- “Marry me”- I whispered and her sweet laughter filled the room. I knew my cheeks were burning red 'cause I meant it. I wanted to marry her, right there, on the spot. I knew it since the day I met her, and now that she was mine, it was impossible to hold my feelings back.

- “Just ‘cos I wanna watch the best sci-fi movie meditation of all time with you?”- she continued giggling as her lips touched mine for a second.

- “Well… yeah…”- that was all I could answer and I just stared at her, probably looking like a dork. She loved calling me a dork, and I just wanted to be her dork.

- “So, if we make it on time, can we invite Prentiss?”- (Y/N) whispered and looked around, though we were alone, and we had been for at least an hour.

- “Why? I thought you meant going out as a date”- I looked down at my hands, fidging on a piece of paper, as she kept her eyes on me. I could feel her smiling.

- “We can have a date after… maybe a sleepover. But I feel like Emily needs a little fun. She seems kinda distant and worried. I don’t know why. Maybe she misses JJ.”

- “We could invite her too”

- “I don’t think JJ would enjoy Solaris as much as we do.”

- “Right, she doesn’t speak Russian”- (Y/N) chuckled and held my hand.

- “Neither do I.”

- “Yeah, but you know I’m gonna whisper the translation in your ear the entire movie.”- I answered and moved closer to her, landing a hand on her waist.

- “Aren’t you getting bold, Dr. Reid?”- (Y/N) whispered, wrapping her arms around my neck.

- “I’m getting…”- but before I could finish talking, Rossi and Hotch stormed into the room.

- “Oh come on! hang a tie on the doorknob next time! I don’t wanna see that!”- David argued as (Y/N) moved away from me.

- “Sorry, sorry! I’m gonna fax this to Garcia.”- and just like that, she left the room.

But though it was a very good plan, we didn’t get to watch Solaris that night. And it wasn’t because Prentiss turned us down (‘cos of course, she did), it was because (Y/N) remembered she had made plans already, and she couldn’t cancel.

- “Chipmunk, are you sure this is a good idea?”- I turned to her before we exited her car, trying my best (and failing) not to show how nervous I was. And I would have been embarrassed, but she was worse than I was. My girlfriend was actually pale, scared to tell her father we were dating.

- “I am positive I have no idea.”- she mumbled and sighed- “But if we hide it, it’s gonna be way worse.”

- “Yes, that’s true. But if we tell him, we are gonna have to tell your mom, and your brother.”

- “And then we are gonna have to move”- she added, giggling. And those giggles made me chuckle, as I held her hand and kissed it.

- “With you? I would go anywhere”

- “Dad is a cop, remember that. He knows how to track people.”

- “Witness protection program, chipmunk. We can make it”- and her giggles turned into laughter that made my heart flutter- “Come on, the quicker we do this, the quicker we are back home, and you promised me a sleepover”- I opened my door and ran out to open hers and help her out of the car.

- “Peanut!”- Chief (Y/L/N) stood up and opened his arms to hug his daughter. And just then I remembered how much he intimidated me. He was sitting all alone, drinking a scotch, waiting for us. And somehow that made me feel like a kid. A weak kid who was about to tell the scariest man alive that he was sleeping with his daughter.

- “Hey daddy! I missed you so much!”

- “How is my little princess doing? Did you catch the bad guy? Hi Spencer!”- and suddenly, I froze. All I could do was wave, but chief (Y/L/N) grabbed my hand and shook it.

- “Sorry we are late, we just got home after the case”- (Y/N) excused us as we sat at the table. I quickly grabbed a menu, basically to do something, as my girlfriend leaned over to her dad and rested her head on his shoulder. Yup, I watched her cuddle with her dad right in front of me and somehow it made me feel jealous. Is that bad? ‘cos I felt bad about it. I also felt weird to hear her calling him “daddy.” But I refused to think further about that at that minute ‘cos I felt like a perv. And mostly ‘cos I felt I was developing a weird kink I didn’t know if (Y/N) was going to like.

- “Don’t worry about it. I’m glad you are here, kids. Were you on the field?”

- “No, Hotch kept us at the police station the entire time we were in Los Angeles, which was great actually, ‘cos I didn’t want to deal with the heat. Is this for me?”- (Y/N) grabbed a glass and sipped it- “Gin Tonic!”

- “You deserve it, peanut. You had a long few days. I also asked for a Sprite for Spencer, ‘cos you told me he is cutting caffeine at night”- I looked at my girlfriend and she sincerely blushed, embarrassed. So she talked to her dad about me. I already knew she loved me, but that silly confirmation made me feel so cared for.

- “So, tell me, kids. What’s new?”- we both opened our mouths but no word came out. It was too fast to just drop the news, right? Or at least that’s how it felt.

- “Not much”- my girlfriend answered quickly and cut her father a big grin- “How about you?”

- “Since the last time we met, not much either. Oh, your brother has a new girlfriend. Did you know?”- (Y/N) shook her head and turned to me, I just sipped my Sprite and hid behind my menu. It felt like it was going to be a long awkward night.

- “He has been dating for over six months, I am actually proud of him. Maybe not telling us made his relationship work, finally”- Chief (Y/L/N) joked as the waitress came over to take our order. That forced us to pause our conversation and focus on food for a minute. But as soon as the waitress was gone, the topic came back.

- “So you think keeping a relationship a secret from family can be a good idea?”- (Y/N) asked, biting her lip.

- “No, but I think whatever helps your brother keep a girl longer than a weekend is good enough for me.”- I nodded and smiled, awkwardly at chief (Y/L/N)- “How about you, Dr. Reid? What’s new?”

- “We are visiting my mother by the end of the month.”- that was the first thing that came to my mind and I regretted it as soon as the words left my mouth.

- “Sounds like a good plan. Where do you stay when you go to Vegas?”- and suddenly I felt like I had to explain to chief (Y/L/N) I was actually sleeping with his daughter.

- “We alternate between a Holiday inn near the institute and a Marriott closer to the city, where Spencer can’t get into any casino ‘cos he was banned at eighteen.”

- “Why do you always bring the banned from the casino thing?”- I argued embarrassed as (Y/N) and her dad chuckled.

- “‘Cos it’s fun to see you get all embarrassed out of something that is actually quite funny.”- my girlfriend sipped her gin tonic and looked at me in a way that I still wasn’t used to. She looked at me like she wanted to get me naked. And that made my pants tight in less than a second. I hadn’t made love to her in two days and it was turning into agony.

- “Actually dad, there is one thing Spencer and I wanted to tell you about.”- but her words took me from my thoughts and slammed me back to reality.

- “Sounds serious. Everything ok?”- (Y/N) turned to me and immediately, her father followed her. I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I felt worse than during my first interrogation with an unsub. I felt like I was thirteen again, in my first college class.

- “Ok… so, what (Y/N) wanted to tell you is that, contrary to what most people thought, we were able to take the next step. And though it was hard, and though it really took us way too much time to do it and admit it, the truth is…”

- “Are you trying to tell me that you two are finally dating?”- (Y/N)’s dad wide opened his eyes and stared at me as if I had just confirmed we found the cure for cancer. I just nodded and felt her hand in mine, intertwining our fingers.

- “Are you fucking kidding me?”- chief (Y/L/N) stood up and automatically I caught a glimpse of his gun on his belt. Great. I was going to die.

- “Dad, I know this might be a little bit of a shock, but I love Spencer and we finally decided to…”

- “A little bit of a shock?! Peanut, it took you forever!”- and right after that, (Y/N)’s father wrapped me in a tight hug that forced me to stand up.- “Well son! you are officially part of this family now!”

- “Dad, we are dating, not getting married”- you could feel the embarrassment in (Y/N)’s voice as she spoke.

- “After how long it took you two to get together, I actually settle for just dating. As long as you are together, in love and happy, I don’t want anything else.”- chief (Y/L/N) tapped on my back and smiled, then turned to his daughter and hugged her too.

- “Just take care of each other. I had never imagined a better man for my peanut. Does your mother know?”

- “His mom or my mom?”- (Y/N) asked as we all sat down again and Chief (Y/L/N) raised his hand to call the waitress and ordered champagne to celebrate.

- “Either”

- “No, no one knows. You are the first family member we tell the news to, but that’s why we are going to Las Vegas in a few weeks, we wanna tell Diana face to face.”- (Y/N) added and turned to me with a huge smile- “I wanted to tell you first ‘cos I knew mom was gonna make a huge deal and Phoenix is gonna try to act like a protector brother.”

- “You are right, peanut. Your brother is gonna try to threaten Spencer, so get ready for that scene, son.”- I bit my lips and nodded, as the waitress appeared with the champagne and glasses.

- “To you, kids. And to love. I am more than sure you two will make each other very happy for a very long time.”

Later that night, I was trying to catch my breath on (Y/N)’s bed. She was wrapped around my body, sweating and resting her head on my chest. I hugged her tight and kissed the top of her head as I felt her sigh and giggle for a moment.

- “What’s so funny, chipmunk?”

- “The fact you just made me call you daddy.”

- “You didn’t like that?’”

- “Try to stop me from doing it again, daddy.”

- “You have to be a good girl first. Earn it.”- (Y/N) giggled and started leaving sloppy kisses on my chest, up to my neck until she reached my lips.

- “I promise I will be good for you, daddy.”

- “You have to be good now and sleep. We still have to work tomorrow.”- and for a moment, we just lay on her bed in total bliss, listening to each other’s breathing. Until my sweet girlfriend sighed and looked at me.

- “It’s scary.”

- “What chipmunk?”

- “The fact that everything is finally perfect.”- I smiled and kissed her nose, making sure I had her locked in my arms, safe and sound.

- “Why is that scary?”

- “I’m afraid something very bad is about to happen.”

- “Don’t think that. Nothing bad will happen to you, or me, or anyone around us if I can help it.”- I kissed the top of her head and tried to be as soothing as possible.

- “I just… I had never been so happy before.”- I could hear the embarrassment in her voice as she confessed her feelings.

- “Me neither.”- I whispered and felt her kiss my neck in reassurance- “Maybe that’s what’s scary.”

Little did we know things were weeks away to turn into the biggest and saddest mess we had ever faced before.

- “Perhaps.”- (Y/N) made a pause and sighed- “I just don’t wanna lose you, honey bunny.”

- “I promise you, you won’t, ma cherie.”

Next chapter

Taglist:

General tag list

@spenxerslut @ash19871962 @all-tings-diego @muffin-cup @cynbx

Spencer Tag list

@calm-and-doctor @lovejules888

DIWK Taglist

@tvandfanfic @shilohpug @eternalharry @fandomtrash2405 @eyakoroleva @nani-2305 @padsfirewhisky

BIY tag list

@miaxx03

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid fanfiction #matthew gray gubler #babymetaldoll writes #spencerreid #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #criminal minds

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1d1195 · 14 days

Note

I'll be honest, I can't wait for a week. I would kms I need to read Honey's new part sooner. This is pure torture

It seems most people can't wait a whole week. But I'm trying to keep it so that I have regular updates on Mon/Thurs as much as possible. I DO have something scheduled for Thursday and I know we voted last time for me to post Honey if I did NOT have a Thursday update. But I love you guys, so I'm more than willing to push my Thursday to Monday but that means there would be NO Honey update next week (9/16).

Maybe we should vote? I'm a teacher after all I love to be democratic:

I really don't mind either way. I'm pretty sure I know the answer, but still 💕

Either way, it means a lot to me that you're enjoying it so much that you don't want to wait for the next part 💕 I know my cliffhanger was rough but I just didn't want it to be too long and I was trying to keep the plot I had planned contained to one section 😭

Anyway, I really do appreciate you reading and enjoying enough to message 💕

xoxo

#honey #i guess I should tell you that Part 6 does NOT have a cliffhanger #Just so you're all not like “SAM'S MEAN” 😂

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satirates · 1 year

Text

New QSMP rules and why they needed to exist

1. The areas protected by the Administration/Federation cannot be broken, do not take advantage of bugs.

Or the admins "very bad, not good event". For people who weren't there, there was an event on Thursday for the liberation of Cellbit and Felps from the federation. The players tried to break in and discovered that you can destroy protected blocks with the symmetry wand. They spent hours doing it, only for the admins to erase the structure from the map so they would stop. On top of that, fit managed to find a way to vandalize the protected church using a watermelon gun yesterday.

This rule is obviously for story purpose. You can't really hide any structure in minecraft, so they don't have any other choice than putting the building in plain sight. If the players keep breaking the protected blocks, it can affect the story by revealing things that are only supposed to come up later. I can imagine the admins weren't happy to see all their hard work destroy by something they didn't know was possible, hence the ban.

2. XP farms are allowed as long as the spawner was generated naturally.

I don't know anything about XP farm in minecraft, but it's nice that they clarify this. There was always a doubt on the server about XP farms, which one was legal and which one was not. At least now, players know.

3. The video options are allowed as long as the range isn't excessively big.

Fun fact, yesterday I had a thought about how long before the video/audio became illegal due to things getting out of hands. So many things happen to justify this rule: Forever putting way too many blocks in Cellbit castle, The very loud Pac e Mike song, the bird block that cover the whole main area.

It's only a question of time before things get dirty with these. It can be very inconvenient for players (and viewers) that have sensitivity issues. Or really annoying at least. By restricting it, you ensure that players don't interfere in the enjoyment of others. (I'm pretty sure there were complaints about the bird noises. It was pretty harmless, but imagine if Forever had put something worse, like a loud music. It would have made La France, Favela and Phil's house unplayable areas.)

4. Do not modify too much the spawn area.

No ideas why this rules had been added now specifically. My only guess is that there is a significant amount of players going there now because of the Sharestone. But yes, it's a logical rule to ensure the spawn isn't the target of a Prank. If any of you know if something happen at spawn, I will edit this section.

5. It is prohibited to import or move structures with the Create mod or any other type of mechanisms.

Ah, This was quick. Yesterday, Bad and Dapper move a big tower on top of foolish dragon using the create mod for a prank. The problem was, the tower gives mining fatigue, making it almost indestructible. This discovery basically allows players to move anything, even constructions that are not their own.

You can imagine why this one exist. I was on Foolish stream yesterday, and he genuinely looked distraught at the alteration of is structure. Allowing players to move buildings at will? Terrible ideas. Not only could they do that to prank each other, but also they could break up lore building. Also, yesterday show that it's not that simple. Dapper destroyed part of the tower by moving it. The superglue is destruction and drama waiting to happen.

6.The deadline to complete the missions are 12am PST, after that, the missions will reset.

Not the twitter admins won't have to wait for BadBoyHalo to go to sleep so they could post the egg statistic update lol.

7. The eggs cannot have more than 2 immortality totems

This one is probably the most controversial, but logical for me. To paraphrase what Étoiles told Pomme yesterday: "with everything you have, it's impossible for you to dies. At least if the code isn't cheating". And I believe he is right. With the stasis chamber, the gears and the totem, it's almost impossible to kill an egg if the players are being careful. And we know they are trying really hard to take Pomme last life so the story could progress. The attack will not be like the last one, it will not be as unforgiving. So, with Bad doing totem traffic on the server, they needed a way to give a chance to the code and restricted them. If not, all eggs would have 30 totems by next week. X)

I really hope it increases the chances to have epic battle for the eggs while not dooming them.

#qsmp #qsmp rules #long post #I hope this give context #All of the rules are basicly a reaction to admins being like #“ oh shit I didn't know you could do that!”#The palyers are breaking them slowly with their inventivity #The funniest one to me was the superglues because it's Dapper (an ADMIN) who used it #Not a player

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satuguro · 1 year

Text

*ೃ࿐ BLUE MONDAY

[ ACT III: KNOWING, WANTING ]

ethan landry x reader

#SYNOPSIS— you facetime someone first and you hate it, ethan can't tell when you're joking or serious, and you really hate richie's style.

#CONTAINS— murder!, gore!!!!, satire (!!), familial issues (implications of abuse), mentions of anxiety/ptsd, richie x reader (heavily one sided), stalker behavior!, fake dating, richie (yes, he needs his own warning), suggestive content

#AUTHORSNOTE— i'm so sorry for such a late update and the lack of activity on my blog, my mental health took such a plummet.

ACT I, ACT II, ACT III

the low hum of the computers in the radio studio and the soft sound of music paying through the control room speakers were the only sounds you heard as you spun around in your chair. a clean spotify playlist— something you weren't supposed to technically use for radio, but your station manager used it, so who cares? — played soft music on air as you waited patiently for your last song to end.

humming softly to yourself, you scrolled mindlessly through social media, taking in the last few days of relaxation you had until you finally began with you and ethan's little plan.

reluctantly date richie. gather information. get the fuck out and give it to the police.

and if all else fails? well, you'd kill him (something ethan was surprisingly not that disturbed with. talk about sibling rivalry.).

you hadn't spoken to either of them ever since sunday, when you and ethan formulated your little plan at an aesthetically pleasing botanical cafe.

the music came to a slow end, and you paused the playlist before turning on your mic. "that was my last song of the night. remember; variety hour with blackmore university radio's music manager— which is me, if you've been paying attention —is every thursday from 9 to 10. good night, new york." and with that, you returned the radio on auto play, allowing it to bleed into a few promos.

the radio and studio office was dark at this point, lacking any form of life other than you. with an entire radio station being led only by college students, it was common for everyone to be gone by the time 6 pm hit.

but you were a bit of a masochist. so here you were, doing your mandatory radio show in the ambiently lit studio and office of your station. it smelled of soft lavender from the plug-in wall scent one of your co-workers put up, and the only lights came from the lamps and soft yellow light that was put in to replace the fluorescent white that you swore made days go by longer.

your headphones were over your ears, one of them pushed back behind your ear to allow yourself to hear the outside world (you had to be cautious nowadays). pulling your tote bag over your shoulder, you locked the studio door behind you and closed up the station. and as you walked down the dimly lit stairs to the exit, you half listened to the echoing of your footsteps as you shut the door behind you.

fall was your favorite season. not just for the fact that the weather was a perfect mix of not too hot and not too cold, or that it was the last few months before you fell deep into procrastination due to the lack of sunshine, but it was because it was always so beautiful. red and browns, yellows and oranges, all painted on once-green leaves before they fell.

the crunching of the leaves below your feet as you began to walk back to your dorm was soothing behind the autumn playlist (which you had carefully curated, of course) you were listening to. and it would've gone on like that for the entire walk home. the same walk you did every thursday without fail, when barely anyone was out and about on campus and when it was only you and whatever weather there was that evening.

but you could feel someone watching you.

as though someone had poured water down your back, your skin prickled and the hair on your body stood up as your walking suddenly came to a stop. pushing your headphones down around your neck, you dared to look behind you.

nothing. nothing but the darkness of the rest of the campus, barely lit by the flickering street lamps. the light from the lamp you were standing next to bled into nothingness, revealing practically nothing to your eyes.

your hands dug into your pockets as you grabbed your phone, swallowing thickly as you dared to stare deeper into the night. deeper into the darkness you stared.

and then you dared to turn back ahead of you, walking with a stride quicker than how you usually walked. step by step, shoes crunching in the leaves as you briskly walked, keeping your chin up in faux confidence, as though you weren't hearing another pair of footsteps walking in the same exact pace you were.

and then you came to a sudden halt.

and you heard the extra footstep from someone that certainly wasn't you.

and you began to walk faster. step. step. step. feeling those heartless and emotionless eyes staring in to the back of your head much like you had stared at the back of your father's head. hungry. blood thirsty. desperate to feel the warm crimson on your skin.

you could hear them breathe. heavy and warm, excited and thrumming with adrenaline because it felt as though you were paying attention to them. you were finally reacting to them in the way they wanted you to; by running away in fear.

you pulled out your student id card, slamming it against the card reader before opening the door to your dorm building and shutting it behind you, chest heaving as you tried to compose yourself.

you went to the elevator, slamming on the button to get you up to your dorm room.

your feet walked briskly on the hallway as you made a beeline for your dorm room, hands trembling as you found yourself disassociating, barely showing any emotion at all if it weren't for your shaking hands. but as you were pulling out your key, you saw the flower on the ground.

lilies of the valley. your favorite.

looking up and down the hall, you grabbed it hastily and you unlocked the door, shutting it behind you and letting out a breath. staring down at the flowers, you pulled out a single note with a heart drawn on it in crimson red ink.

"fuck," you breathed, shaking your head as you walked into your room and locked it behind you, throwing the lilies into the trash as you swallowed thickly.

who else could have done this? who else in your life was most likely to follow you like a predator stalking its prey, waiting for the perfect moment to strike?

richie.

he was stalking you. richie was fucking stalking you.

you grabbed your phone, scrolling before you found a contact, clicking facetime on it and waiting patiently as you tried to clam the harsh beating of your chest. once, it rang. then twice. then three times, and you almost reached over to hang up, if it weren't for the face that the little sound came out of your phone speaker, signaling that he actually picked up.

"hello?" ethan said, his face squished by his pillow as he peered into the phone screen. "you actually called me. i never took you for a facetime person, but uh—"

"is richie there?" you hissed, almost scared to raise your voice as you paced your room frantically. your hands moved on their own as you took your ring off of your finger and began to run it over your knuckles.

back and forth. back and forth.

"no, i don't think so— what's going on?" ethan sat up in his bed, voice hushed low as he looked down at you. you were moving— he could see it —and he looked haphazard as he stared at you through the phone. protectiveness striked at his chest again as ethan gripped his phone tighter. "y/n, what's going on?"

"ethan, he's stalking me," you hissed, panic evident in your tone as you tried to compose yourself.

back and forth. back and forth.

"i— i was walking home from work and i swear to god, e, it was him. and he probably left these fucking flowers at my door too." you flipped the phone camera to show ethan the trashed flowers. "i'm not having second thoughts or anything, but if i have to deal with his stalking it's honestly just gonna be a pain in my ass—"

"you're not having second thoughts?" ethan ran a stressed hand through his hair, breathing out a heavy exhale. "jesus, y/n, if i were you i wouldn't even pull through with this shit."

"good thing you're not me then, huh?" you swallowed thickly, walking to your bed and throwing yourself onto it, letting your back hit your mattress. raising your phone so that ethan could see your face clearly.

you hated facetiming people.

"okay, that's all," you stated, as though letting him know that his brother was a stalker was just the most casual thing in the world. "i'm hanging up now."

"w—wait!" ethan said hurriedly right before your finger pressed the bright red button. face dusted light pink, ethan looked over your (once again) unreadable face. "can we.. stay on call?"

"no." you blinked. "why would we?"

"because i'm basically sleeping in an apartment with a stalker-murderer!" ethan hissed, voice coming down to a harsh whisper as the sound of the apartment door opening and closing rang in his ears. "i don't want to be, like, attacked in my sleep or something."

"he's not gonna attack you when quinn is there," you stated bluntly, finger still hovering over the big red button. "even if he does suspect something. you'll be fine." and you almost pressed the red button again. almost.

"y/n," ethan groaned, letting his free hand cover his face. you were so stubborn, so brutally honest, and yet ethan found himself not even minding it as he practically pleaded for you to just stay on call with him. "just.. just stay with me for a bit, okay? promise you can hang up once i fall asleep."

you narrowed your eyes at him. "do i look like a guard dog to you?"

"you basically act like one."

you stared at ethan, practically challenging him silently as he stared right back at you with those warm hazel eyes. "please?" he added, making you suck in a breath as you huffed.

"..fine."

an appreciateive smile spread on the boy's face as you set your phone down, murmuring a half hearted, "i'll be back," as you went to do your skincare routine and get ready for bed. "don't die," you added before you shut your room door behind you.

bad joke.

you washed your face, letting your hands move slowly down your face as you let out a long sigh, feeling your continuously tense shoulders relax. staring at yourself in the mirror, you found your face blurring into the background, melting into your bathroom walls, features seeping into the tile, melting into the grout.

you stared at yourself in the reflective one way mirror, face blank, pupils constricted as your reflection stared back at you. it felt like you were floating far above your head, unable to anchor yourself in the present.

the voice of the detective felt like someone was speaking to you from underwater. his voice was so garbled, so muffled, you could barely comprehend it. “y/n. you have to at least say something.”

but what was there to say? that you mashed up your father’s brain and liked it? that was a bit straightforward. and only a little bit too guilty.

what were you doing? you were putting yourself into the same position you were in those few years ago; a position of danger, playing a victim just to feel the satisfaction of watching someone’s life melt from their face. and that satisfaction didn’t come with any kind of remorse, because it took a special kind of person to make you want to see their brains on the outside rather than the inside.

you were regressing. maybe you really weren’t over what had happened to you. maybe you never would be, and you felt tour skin prickle at the thought, your hands gripping the sides of your sink as you stared at your mirror.

“your mother says you were protecting her.” the detective leaned in, putting his arms on the table in front of you both. his gaze weighed heavy on you, and you could feel him scan you like a file; taking in how expressionless you were, how even after everything that had happened, you didn’t shed a single tear. “was your father abusive, y/n?”

and that made your eyes snap towards his, cold and cunning, staring at him, unblinking. but if you peers too closely, focused too much on the emotion behind your eyes, the exhaustion of living, you could see that you had every reason to feel nothing for what you had done. you had every fucking reason to smash your father’s head in.

the door to your bedroom shut behind you as you walked back into your room, throwing your shirt over your head and grabbing one to sleep in. "hello?" ethan's voice came through your phone, your breath hitching when you realized he waited on call the entire time while you disassociated in the bathroom. just another day.

"hey." you made yourself comfortable in your bed, hands coming together under your head as you laid it down on your pillow, staring at your phone right next to your bed. an awkward silence followed for nearly five minutes, the only sounds coming from your breathing and ethan's mild shuffling. your eyes had fallen shut as you listened to ethan's breathing through the speaker.

"are you scared, y/n?"

the question, the sudden break of silence didn't make you move. you only kept your eyes shut, silently manifesting for the sweet arms of sleep to clamp around you. you hummed in response, pretending to think, but you knew how you felt. how this exact situation made you feel like you were 16 again, killing your own flesh and blood for just an ounce of freedom.

you hadn't broken at the seams yet. you were still here, breathing, eyes shut, on a phone with some boy you had taught how to smoke only a few days ago.

that's what mattered.

"are you?" you asked, dodging the question easily.

".. yeah." ethan sighed, the sound loud through your phone (he needed to move away from the phone just a bit, but you didn't feel like telling him that yet). from his side, he laid on his back on his bed, eyes set on the white ceiling above him as he spoke to you, someone emotionally stunted (he would never say that out loud, a it would be hypocritical of him to do so), about how he was feeling. "i think i've always been scared. of richie, i mean."

you stayed silent, your eyes slowly opening as you looked at your phone. the waver in ethan's voice, the way he almost felt ashamed to tell you how he felt.. he was being genuine. "what has richie done to you? to make you scared of him, i mean."

ethan's jaw clenched, eyes unblinking towards his ceiling. staring. gathering memories he had tried so desperately to forget, but every time he saw richie's face, he could only remember them. "he was always the more popular one. him and quinn— i was like.."

"a nerd."

"rude, but true." ethan sighed slowly. "one time, during middle school, i snitched to my dad that richie had brought a girl into our house —he was in high school, mind you —and i couldn't sleep because they had been fucking in his room. and that lack of sleep made me late. my dad doesn't like it when we're late." he breathed in shakily. "a few days later, after my robotics club, i was walking home and a bunch of high school kids drove up next to me and, uh..."

your brows furrowed. ".. beat you up?"

"yup." ethan popped the 'p', breathing in deeply before exhaling again. "and i saw him. richie. sitting in the back seat of the car just watching as these teenagers more than half my size beat me up to a pulp. and he smiled at me. as though i deserved to have my torso bruised and my face slammed on the concrete in the 7th grade." ethan chuckled humorlessly, his laughter quickly fading. "point is.. he always gets what he wants."

he sounded so.. defeated. years and years of being tormented by your own blood made him so afraid to speak up; to the point where he didn't even feel like doing so anymore.

you didn't know how to respond.

".. you're still up for killing him?" you asked, voice slightly unsure due to the fact that ethan had just casually spilled some of his trauma over the phone to you, who was half asleep and barely coherent at this point.

"i wish it didn't have to be this way—"

"no you don't."

"what?" ethan blinked, brows knotting together in confusion as he looked at his phone in disbelief over your words.

"you don't mind that it went this way. because you hate him." you sounded so factual. so casual, as though the entire situation was a case you could easily dissect and observe from a far. "and he's done a lot of shit to you and others. the people he's killed. the people he's manipulated. people like richie don't deserve anything." your words became sour, laced with the poison from the past.

"how do you do that?" ethan asked you.

"do what?"

"be so calm in this situation. this is dangerous shit— y/n, you're willingly putting yourself in danger."

you swallowed hard, weighing your words in your head. "it's because i don't want anyone else to die like his victims did. and i," you blinked, "i want to get them their revenge."

"by killing him?"

"if i have to." a beat. "are you still okay with that?"

was he okay with that?

ethan didn't know. he had been walking through the entire week as though he was nothing more than a ghost— eating and drinking to survive, speaking only when spoken to, living his days out of fear because if his brother had been killing people, when would he turn on his siblings? when would richie kill quinn, or chad, or mindy, or tara, or sam, or him?

he didn't want to tell the police and had his brother escape from their confines the next day.

ethan sighed. "if i'm helping you, then yes. i am." a beat of silence, as though his thoughts were overcoming him, as though he was weighing his options in his head. he knew you were perfectly content with the silence over the phone (as you probably didn't want to be on the phone with him for so long in the first place), but ethan wasn't like that. he wanted to talk, but about what?

he wanted to talk to you.

he wanted to know you.

"if we're going to be working together, don't you think we should know each other more?" and his question came out as such a pure example of simple curiosity, simple human want to know of someone simply for the sake of knowing someone. to walk past one's walls and know the little facts about them.

you were not one to let people do that. you were not one to let someone simply know you, because your mind didn't work that way. it felt off, it felt odd— the idea that ethan wanted to know you before the shitshow began.

"you don't have to get to know me."

"i want to know you." ethan's breath hitched. "nothing like.. personal, or anything. just like.. what's your favorite season?"

"well, that's really pushing it." you heard his small chuckle on the other end, your eyebrows softening ever so slightly at the sound. "it's autumn. and yours?"

"spring." ethan blinked up at his ceiling. "i like the rain. the smell of petrichor— a lot of people hate it but i just.. don't."

you hummed in acknowledgement, turning your head towards your phone. "favorite color?"

"forest green. and yours?"

"greyish blue. like the kind that appears at dusk when there's fog over the ground." you felt your body relax a bit; the questions were fortunately far more shallow than you thought they would be. ".. are we gonna do this until you fall asleep?"

"if you don't mind," ethan murmured softly, shifting gently in his bed.

"what if i do mind? i do have shit to do tomorrow, you know," you muttered under your breath.

and ethan would've felt pretty bad by your words. you were always so brutally honest yet so horribly awkward (it was painful to watch at times, he had to admit), but there was one particular question weighing on his mind ever since he picked up your call. one that you had easily deflected moments before. "y/n, you didn't answer my question."

your brows furrowed. "what question?"

"aren't you scared?" ethan swallowed thickly, eyes spacing out as he stared at his ceiling, at the darkened abyss of his room. "for your life, for your friends, for anything?"

were you?

you didn't want to be honest with him. you didn't want to tell him that in all honesty, you were terrified. terrified of losing the friends (that was a strong word for it) you barely had, of losing the small bit of family that was still speaking to you with faux smiles and condolences even though they were under the impression that you were an unpredictable woman.

and unpredictable women terrified them.

but your emotions were always increasing tenfold with every passing hour, the thoughts being so jumbled up and so strong that you had simply learned to drown them out. to continue on with your life with your tornado of thoughts and no one to speak to and no one to look for because you were used to doing this all on your own.

you had dealt with it on your own before. you could deal with it again.

but rather than lie to ethan's face, you found yourself confessing much like a sinner to an angel. "i am. i'm terrified, ethan." and that was all.

your fingers flew over your keyboard, the past year of having to write essay after essay finally paying off as you typed furiously into your laptop.

evelyn campo murder 2020

evelyn campo murder cambria california

evelyn campo case

you had only found a few articles on her murder, most of them not even mentioning the girl's name, much less many details about her case (unless you counted grim retellings of the crime scene). there was only a brief mention of a possible suspect (the man you had a date with in literally a day), but other than that, nothing. the police had no leads.

"why isn't there much on her murder?" you asked, scrolling down an article with a frown on your face.

ethan sat next to you on your bed, peering over your shoulder as your eyes scanned your screen. jesus, you read fast. "quinn told me that her parents wanted to keep it under wraps," he murmured, only catching glimpses of the article's words. "but i heard they got some private detectives on the case, too."

"sounds like small town gossip."

"oh, that's cause it was." ethan's eyes landed on one quote from the article as your scrolling finally came to a stop. adam's apple bobbing at the sight of it, he read, '.. found stabbed an approximate 78 times ..' the sheer strength and passion, the excitement richie must've had when he killed evelyn made his stomach sick. and ethan would've easily puked over the side of your bed if you didn't speak to him, breaking him from his stupor.

"hey, stay with me."

and just like that, ethan did. his mind was brought back to the present.

"right. sorry." you oculd feel his breath fan gently over your neck as he continued to look over your shoulder. "if we find the fingertips of his current victims, we can connect him to her— evelyn's —murder."

"maybe he kept them." you looked at ethan, confusion written over his face at your words. "it's just a guess, i dunno. but if evelyn was richie's first victim, then he might have kept parts of her. like a—"

"trophy. oh, this is so fucked," ethan muttered under his breath, moving to lay horizontally on your bed, the situation at hand easily driving him to exhaustion as he stared at your ceiling.

"we should first find out who his most current victims are, if possible. see if anyone our age has gone missing in our university or nearby universities." you looked down at ethan, whose face laid near where you sat. "if we can't, then we need to find those fingertips."

"right."

a beat.

"richie's working, yeah?" you asked ethan, who nodded as his doe eyes turned to you.

"yeah. he can't really be anywhere but work right now.” a hint of a smile graced his features. “i stole a look at his scheduling. he’s probably knee deep in papers right now.” he saw your eyes flash over in worry, the glint disappearing just as quickly as it arrived, and ethan knew. he simply knew that ever since richie gave into his impulses and followed you home, you were on edge.

you were just good at hiding it. good thing ethan was a little bit too observant when he wanted to.

"y/n, he's working." silently reassuring, ethan gazed at you, reading your indifferent face, searching for any more sign of fear or worry, but it was gone. you had gotten rid of everything before it could show even more.

"right." you looked away from ethan, feeling his stupidly innocent gaze still lingering on your as you looked back at your laptop. if you were to meet with ethan anywhere else but your dorm, richie surely would've gone out of his way to see. at least in the safety of your dorm room, you could shut the blinds and lock the door and be sure of your safety.

"what're your guys' plans tomorrow?" ethan asked you, finally allowing your to move on from the indirect topic of your emotions.

you shrugged. "no idea. i never texted him first— that's embarrassing."

"you seemed fine with calling me first last night."

"i never said that wasn't embarrassing." you rolled your eyes, almost hearing the stupid small smile that graced ethan's face at your words.

a minute passed in silence, the only sounds being your typing as you tried to build your list of articles on evelyn's murder. you had a grand total of 5 articles; better than you thought, but not as much as you would've liked.

he shifted umcomfortably in his seat, the dead silence only a bit too awkward for him. "shouldn't you know your plans, though? just in case he, uh," ethan clears his throat, raising his brows knowingly. he didn't want to say the word; but you already knew what he was implying.

"kills me?"

"well, yeah."

"he's not going to kill me," you shifted uncomfortably in your seat. "not yet, anyway. i'm too close to mindy; if i suddenly go missing after a date with him, mindy will find out for sure."

ethan's lips twitched into a small frown, hazel eyes darking with turmoil as he listened to you. "evelyn was my neighbor, y/n. she literally lived down the street from me; he's unpredictable—"

you almost winced at that word.

you could feel them all staring at you. whispering harshly, practically pointing at you as you stood at the doorway of your aunt's house, hands clasped together in front of you. your mother believed that having you locked up in the room of your new shared apartment in new york was unhealthy; and maybe she was right. for once, she had your best interests at heart, only you knew the outcome of her plan to assimilate you back into society under your shiny new last name.

"she's unpredictable," your aunt hissed as she talked to your mother, shamelessly looking you up and down as though you were some freak of nature, ignoring the clouded look over your eyes because you were barely keeping it together as it was. "you saw what she did, didn't you?"

luckily, you barely reacted.

"i know that, e."

"you know," he sat up in his seat, moving to sit next to you, facing the opposite way with his long legs splayed out on your bed, "after he was questioned by the police, he'd come home as though he had just come home from work or something. and he'd," he let out a sigh, "talk about it. like it was something so fucking casual."

"around you?" your eyebrows raised at that.

"no, never around me. but he would around my dad." contempt laced ethan's tone as he continued. it was hatred, but there was something underneath it that was something akin to jealousy, you realized. ''he'd tell him everything. what they asked that day. the leads he thinks they have— and he almost sounded proud that he was their only suspect."

"can i ask something?" you shifted to face your body towards his, your legs lightly touching his side. "if you were so sure that richie was the killer, why didn't you say anything?"

"because my dad worked for the department. so richie had an in." there it was again, you noticed; that familiar contempt. "and even though wayne bailey wasn't a part of the case, he upheld richie's innocence."

you blinked. "your family is fucked."'

"oh, i know."

"do you think you're the same way?"

ethan's eyebrows raised at your blunt question. he would've laughed in your face at your honesty if it weren't for the fact that you were dead serious. you stared at ethan, almost unblinking, expecting an equally honest answer back. "oh, you actually want to know?"

"yes?" you frowned a bit, tilting your head to the side a little. "did you think i was joking?"

"maybe?"

your brows knotted together. "i'm not joking, though."

"well, i know that now," ethan groaned, cheeks dusting pink out of slight embarrassment. "i haven't been diagnosed with anything other than like.. seasonal allergies and peanuts. maybe my moral code is a little messed up because i told you last night that i'm willing to help you kill my brother if i need to," his hands moved as he fell deeper and deeper into his ramble, "so maybe? the answer is maybe."

you listened to ethan ramble intently, watching his hands move as he spoke, as he ranted his jumbled thoughts in his mind to you. and in any other circumstance, you would've found ethan bailey annoying. he talked too much, couldn't handle silence, and had a way of going back and forth on things.

but you didn't mind ethan. he was tolerable.

you liked tolerable.

"or maybe the answer isn't maybe and i need to see a therapist. because i don't particularly feel bad for trying to put my murderous sociopathic brother in jail — not as much as i probably should, by the way — so the answer might be a yes, but for the sake of my sanity the answer is still.." ethan's string of words died in his throat when he realized he had been rambling for a good minute now.

you seemed like the type to interrupt someone who was speaking far too much and far too fast in a short period of time, but you hadn't said a word.

you were listening to him. staring (albeit a little creepily; had you blinked yet?) and observing ethan as he spoke too much about an uncomfortable topic to try and get rid of the unsettling feeling in his chest.

ethan cleared his suddenly dry throat as he stared into your eyes (for someone who hated to socialize, you held eye contact a little bit too much sometimes). "the answer is still a maybe," he managed, officially finishing his ramble. offering you a tight lipped smile, he added, "i rambled."

"you did." you replied.

"i'm sorry i did."

"nothing to be sorry about. i don't mind it." you stared at him for a little longer, blinking before turning back to your laptop, failing to notice the way ethan's face turned a prettier shade of red at your nonchalance. "when richie and i are out on our date, you should look for any ids or items he may have kept from his victims."

"right." ethan focused his attention to the task at hand, ignoring the way your prior words seemed to echo in his mind. how could he be thinking so deeply about such a thing when you were acting as if it was nothing? you were just a nice person; there wasn't more behind your words. "you should try and be out with him for a good few hours just to give me time."

"a few hours with richie. sounds great." you clenched your jaw, your fingers stopping on your keyboard. but they were still thrumming on your thumb, each finger tapping your fingertip in an undisclosed rhythm. "any pointers? like anything he may like in a person that'll make him," your nose wrinkled at your words, "not want to go home?"

"he likes you as you are already." ethan paused, biting his bottom lip gently as he reevaluated his words. "actually— he likes girls who he can't really have. like sam?" he rolled his eyes as he remembered their hellshow of a relationship. "he pined after sam for like a year just because she was dating someone before they got together."

ethan avoided your gaze as he looked at your laptop screen. "you know when he listened while we pretended to have sex? how he waited," from his peripherals, he could see your expression sour with anger at his words, "until you 'orgasmed'," ethan made faux quotations with his fingers, "before he left?"

"yeah." the memory of richie's shadow under ethan's door made a sick feeling broil in your stomach. and that feeling only grew when your mind came to a horrible assumption. "you don't think richie's interest in me grew after that night.. do you?"

ethan finally looked at you, his jaw clenched in anger and protectiveness as he nodded once. and that alone made your face fall in horror.

richie partly wanted you because it meant he deemed you 'forbidden' territory. because he believed ethan was interested in you first.

you groaned, letting your upper body fall back on your bed. "your brother's disgusting," you stated, staring at your ceiling.

next to you, ethan sighed. "i know."

you stood stiffly as you stared at the black dress you wore. in any other circumstance, you would've been comfortable with how you looked. you had styled your hair and this was one of your many black dresses that fit your features well, and to top it off, you wore a heart locket necklace and had your bag over your shoulder.

but knowing what you were getting into, it was hard to stay completely confident. you had basically shoved more of your strongest emotions into the deep dark hole in your mind just to keep yourself sane, but you couldn't even deny the sickening feeling in your chest that seemed to grow with every passing minute.

you still had no idea what richie's plans were. maybe it was something boring, like a movie then dinner. or maybe a walk in the park that would eventually lead to your death.

all you knew was that he would pick you up at 7 pm. that was all richie texted you, and now it was 6:45.

15 minutes.

"hello?" ethan's voice on your phone made you snap out of your thoughts, jaw clenching as you looked at yourself one last time, making sure not a hair was out of place just to keep up the facade.

you had called him again. at this point, you were wondering if you were lacking self respect for yourself, choosing to continuously call ethan during times of high stress in your shared situation.

you really needed to stop calling first. it was getting embarrassing.

"hello." you looked at your phone, watching as ethan tried (and failed) to set up his phone on his bedside table. you had been in a call for 30 minutes now, and while most of the conversation was honestly just ethan talking and you replying with short comments, you didn't mind it too much.

"are you, uh," ethan swallowed hard, "ready? hasn't been back since work so i'm guessing he's on his way to you now."

"i'm ready to get this over with, if that's what you mean." you set your phone up on your table, thankful that anika and mindy were out on another one of their movie dates (mindy was a little too excited to watch evil dead rise), so you could speak without interruptions. you sat on your desk chair, showing the upper half of your body to ethan, who was sitting on his bed, his back laid back on his head board.

but when he saw you, dressed up and looking a little bit too nice for his shitty brother, ethan sat up. throat running dry like it always seemed to and cheeks heating up, he managed an almost shy smile as he looked at you. "you look.. nice."

"thanks." a pause. "do i not usually look nice?"

ethan's eyes widened in shock (and slight fear). "i didn't say that! i just haven't known you for that long and i've only seen you like a handful of times but i swear you always look nice! you just look especially nice tonight. for richie." his nose crinkled in disgust at the thought.

you were all dressed up for his brother. and while the entire situation had made ethan throw up almost daily and feel far too many negative emotions that he didn't know how he felt anymore, he knew one thing as he looked at you, sitting so casually as though you weren't stopping ethan's train of thought.

he was jealous. and worried. and feeling far too protective over you, someone who could definitely handle everything on your own.

you tilted your head a little as ethan ended his short ramble. "ethan, i was joking."

"oh." ethan nodded, clicking his tongue as he tried to play it cool. "right."

lightly glossed lips curled up slightly, revealing a small smile. "thank you." your hands pulled your ring off of your finger. you let it run over your knuckles; back and forth. back and forth. the heated metal (you hands were and it was only a little disgusting) moved easily over your skin as you tried to calm yourself.

9 more minutes.

"y/n," ethan said, making your eyes focus again. "be careful, okay?"

your mouth opened to protest, but ethan continued on.

"and i know you said you could handle it," he said pointedly, making you shut your mouth, "but i want you to be careful."

three loud knocks at your dorm door made you jump, hand closing over your ring and curling into a fist as your steady heart began to pound loudly in your ears.

he was here.

"i have to go." you grabbed your phone, voice lowered down as you looked at ethan one last time. and for a brief moment, he saw just how worried you were. "you know the plan. be careful." and with that, you hung up.

the door to you and mindy's shared dorm felt far away as you walked out of your bedroom, shoving your phone into your purse before opening your dorm door. richie stood outside with a single orchid in his hand, its petals pristine and white as he held it. sleazy eyes traveled down your body, as though he was silently taking in your every curve, every exposed area of skin. and not even caring to seem the least bit subtle, richie took his time traveling back up to your face, his cold eyes watching you with interest.

as though you were some unpredictable toy for him.

"you look beautiful," richie murmured, making you force a smile as you tilted your head to the side a bit. shutting the door behind you, you looked him up and down; an open button up black shirt with a white shirt inside and some black jeans. the lack of effort in his style was infuriating— why did you have to dress up but he showed up as though he robbed old navy?

"you look.. good," you managed, unable to keep your honesty at bay as you managed a tight lipped smile. your lackluster response made you want to walk back into your dorm and lock it, but richie only chuckled at your response.

"nothing else?" he asked, handing the orchid to you. "i got you another flower."

another flower. you tried to hide your disgust at the confirmation that richie really was your stalker, instead taking the orchid with a tense hand. as you took it, richie began to walk down the hall of your dorm building, ready to lead you out.

"thanks," you stated, walking next to him and reluctantly allowing him to take the lead. wary eyes watched him, taking in the way he seemed to have perfect posture, how pleased he seemed in himself, as though his mere presence was a blessing to you, and the way he was staring right back at you.

observing. watching, pupils almost dilating as he took in how perfect you looked under the fluorescent light of the hallway. richie could feel his heart pounding, adams apple bobbing as he took a moment — just a moment — to admire his date. his date. the phrase rolled off of his tongue quite nicely.

you immediately averted your eyes back to the hallway in front of you. "so," you began, ignoring the way his eyes felt on your skin, "you were pretty enigmatic about this whole date. i almost thought you'd kill me or something." the dry humored joke fell from your lips before you could stop it, and yet you kept your eyes focused on the hallway in front of you, barely a reaction on your face as blood rushed through your ears. as you both began to take the elevator downstairs, you heard richie laugh.

even his laugh sounded ingenuine.

he stood next to you, arm pressed against yours, a little too close for comfort in the empty elevator. "just wanted to keep it a surprise, that's all." richie's eyes traveled to your hand, watching as you rubbed your ring subconsciously, a lopsided smirk appearing on his face. "are you nervous for our date?" he asked.

eyes blinking, you looked up at him confusedly. "no," you said with a tilt of your head, "why do you say that?"

"because," richie said, looking down at you with a mischievous smile, as though he was always one step ahead of you. "you've been rubbing that ring of yours ever since i arrived. i'd call it a," he thought for a moment before clicking his tongue, "nervous tick." a knowing glint appeared in his eyes, and suddenly you felt a wave of sick paranoia wash over you.

you immediately stopped rubbing your ring, your head turning back to the closed elevator doors in front of you both. your distorted reflection stared back at you from the steel of the elevator doors, and it was as though you realized just how trapped you were. there was no going back from this plan.

again, you began to subconsciously rub your ring. and richie continued to watch.

#AUTHORSNOTE— i'm actually soso sorry for the long update & the cliffhanger, but thank you for reading!

#TAGLIST— @cham9ions , @netey6m , @mskitkatbubbles , @onlyangel-444 , @cyueksims , @tisthedamnseason69 , @helpimgoinginsanehaha , @anthemabby , @clemenscove , @vanillawhale , @lanascinnamongirll , @rhaenyra4ever , @shebreathedherlast , @datingspiderman , @marurubahbah , @taetae123094 , @kn1n3 , @nox222 , @ch9mpi0n , @ooyuhgetitig4

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