#I didn't add any of my works bc that feels awkward to me but if you follow me I'm sure you've read your fill of my stuff

[starfall-spirit]

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY

If you want to give me a gift you can come to my ask box and tell me you have visited any or all of the wonderful stories I am posting below and just tell me all the reasons the authors are amazing bc I guarantee I'll agree with you.

Feysand

As the River Flows and/or A Court of Faded Dreams by @the-lonelybarricade

Sunshine and Promises (You get some Helion too) and by @shallyne

A Memory Undone and/or The Things We Cannot Say Series (Mute!Feyre) by @writtenonreceipts

To Steal a Bride of Spring by @ultadverb

Of the Archer and the Dark by @thesistersarcheron

I Was Enchanted to Meet You and/or Is There a Word for a Bad Miracle by @separatist-apologist

Catch Me Flying, Love by @reverie-tales

Five Minutes to Midnight by @captain-of-the-gwynriel-ship

Blood Moon and Starlight Fangs by @edgyellie

Elucien

Sunshine and Reunions (Sunshine and Promises AU) by @shallyne

Seven Tears for the Sea by @ultadverb

Call it What You Want to by @separatist-apologist

(Also it’s Elucien Week so check that stuff out. We have some very talented participants this year!)

Elriel

Glitch by @thesistersarcheron

Over the Edge by @shallyne

Morlain

Embers by @ultadverb

Feymor

You're so Gorgeous by @separatist-apologist

Multiship

Sea Monsters Series by @separatist-apologist

Prythian's Fantasia by @vulpes-fennec

You and I Are Going to Change the World by @velidewrites

Pretty Please (I Need Your Hands on Me) by @headcanonheadcase (Also known as the threesome I didn't know I needed until she dropped a chapter in ubc)

[filmbyjy]

CONNECTION

– the mafia series

PAIRING: sim jaeyun x fem!reader

SUMMARY: jake's job was simple, manage and monitor over the boys. he was a smart boy after all, he even created an app for the whole squad to use! it was extremely impressive. now, if only he could that intelligence to figure out your feelings for him.

WARNING: mentions of dead parents. the dark side of huge companies. reader seduces men as a job to help the boys. slight suggestive. had to add a COD reference bc i have been watching tons of 'call of duty: warzone' videos. lack of sunoo content in here (HOW THE HECK DID I NOT PUT HIM IN MUCH? I AM SO SORRY). the ending wasn't how i intended but you still end up with jake so yeah.

WORD COUNT: 6.1K words (i said i would make it 6K and i did!)

NOTE: if you didn't know, each member's story is connected! hence you can see the characters meet. however, it will be confusing for you if i go 'oh (name) met (name).' so i gave a name to the previous girl. for example, in here heeseung's girl is named Eun!

anyone and their parents who heard of the sim jaeyun would instantly start mentioning his awards and honours. jaeyun was the epitome of a perfect child, he was every parent’s dream child. good grades, a gentleman and a free pass to join any company he’d like. many weren’t shocked when jaeyun had announced he would be creating his own company. someone as rich and high class as him wouldn’t just join any company.

although jaeyun was famous for his prim and proper behaviour, no one knew the boy was part of the mafia. everyone except you.

“here.” you threw jake the thumbdrive. your lipstick was ruined from your day job.

“thanks (name).” jake smiles. he places the thumbdrive down on the table and goes over to help wipe the lipstick that was messed up with his thumb. “messy kisser i presume?” he cocks his brow. you pout.

“yeah, i think that was the dude’s first kiss in over 30 years.” you say. jake gags.

“I really don’t understand how you don’t gag while kissing older men.”

“simple, it’s part of my job and i will do it. i can’t back out of it, i commit to my work.”

“that’s disgusting. you do you though.”

“well, it’s not like i’m dating the guy. It’s part of my job.”

“i know but-”

“jakey, i know you worry for me but i’m fine.” you caressed his cheek before placing a peck there. “i’ll be on my way now, see you and the boys tomorrow.”

jake sighs as he watches you leaving the penthouse. Now, since there isn’t much info on both yours and jake’s relationship, let us travel back to elementary school.

it was the last year of elementary school and you were wondering if you would be able to make friends in middle school or even high school. no one ever really approached you in the past years of elementary school. you thought there was something off about you. that however, did not matter. you grew up independent since your parents were never there for you since you were 2. they were well…killed in a car crash and you have been living with your grandparents since then.

It was the 2nd year in middle school, you brought your books to the library and went to study there. it was silent for a little while until a group of boys walked in laughing and talking really loudly. it disturbed you and you tried to ignore it.

“don’t mind them.” a boy says. you looked up from your book to notice a cute boy with shaggy hair. he tilts his glasses up to place them back properly on his face. “they are always this noisy, the librarian will kick them out soon though.”

you nod, feeling a little awkward to even say anything to him. who was he and when did he sit in front of you?

“i’m sim jaeyun but my friends call me jake.” he holds out his hand for you to shake. you cautiously accepted it.

“i’m (name).”

“oh, i know. we are in the same class for all these years.” you tilt your head.

since when was he your classmate? do you just never pay attention to your surroundings?

“I sit behind you usually, i guess you don’t really notice.” the boy smiles.

oh he had the most beautiful and cutest smile ever. it was charming.

“i’m sorry i didn’t notice before.”

“it’s okay. maybe, you could repay by being my friend?” jake says.

you looked at the boy straight in the eyes and smiled, “sure.”

fast forward to high school, you never thought in your whole life would sim jaeyun turn out to be a total heartthrob. everyone’s eyes always trailed him, the constant surge of girls coming over to talk to him and flirt with him.

now you wouldn’t call yourself the jealous type but surprisingly with jake you were. no one ever really noticed how you were acting differently when some girls tried to flirt with him. well anyone who isn’t dumb. even the boys knew you liked him but it seems as though sim jaeyun was simply oblivious.

college came and ended surprisingly quick. well, you didn’t go to college, only the boys. you couldn’t afford it since your grandparents worked a minimum paying job. they were only able to afford food, water and the home you stayed in. you never wanted to pressure them so you simply told them that you didn’t want to continue studying. of course, they protested further and told you it was fine and that this would be for your future but you told them..

“I don’t want to be a burden, you’ve done so much for me already ever since mom and dad died. i’m really thankful to still have you two so please let me earn my own money and we will see if i’d like to continue studies, alright?”

of course, you never continued studies. one of those random days as you were hanging out with jake in his room. He asked if you’d like to work with him, you’d be paid for your work. what you didn’t expect was for jake at 20 to build an empire along with the boys. the work was dirty work of course, where else could the boys get their wads of cash from. you knew jay’s family always worked with shady people so you weren’t surprise when the boys started to dabble into some very devious work.

“I’ll train you. well get people to train you.” jake says. you looked at jake, he tilts his head. “what?”

“nothing, just confused as to how you are the same sim jaeyun that i knew back then.”

“i never changed (name).”

“you never changed? then what’s with your new freshly dyed blonde hair, mister.i have not changed.” you teased jake. he scoffs.

“It’s just hair dye (name). jay had blond hair too.”

“the sim jaeyun i knew back then wore glasses and had braces. most importantly, took school really seriously. you never liked fuckboys and here you are looking like a fuckboy.”

“well i still wear glasses, these are just contact lenses. I don’t wear braces anymore but i still use retainers to keep my teeth straight and about school…(name) i graduated college with a degree 2 years earlier than everyone else.” jake deadpans. “how have i changed?”

“you’re right, you’re still the same. always finding ways to prove my statement wrong.” you folded your arms and huffed.

you still accepted the offer to work with jake and now you…well to put it simply, seduce men and then end them. which was simple to say but it requires a ton of patience since some men were stubborn.

enough with talking about the past, the present was where we’d focus on.

you were walking home when you felt a presence behind you, following your every move back home.

“sunghoon, i am not going to hand you back your little toy.” sunghoon walks out of the shadows. he groans.

“give it back.” he huffs. you smirked.

“not if you tell me who jake likes.”

“it’s bro code. I can’t just tell you.”

“then you can’t have mr.duck, simple as it is.” sunghoon whines as he follows you back home.

to be completely honest, sunghoon was never like this. he usually was the quiet one but very great at his job. he was the silent killer. with you, sunghoon felt really comfortable. the two of you act like siblings despite not being real ones. that’s how close you were with sunghoon.

“thank you for walking me home, hoonie.” you gave him a flying kiss. sunghoon rolls his eyes.

“yeah yeah, it’s my job after all. i have to or else the boys will go ham on me for not taking care of you. especially your dear jAkEy.” he mocks your voice for the last part. you hit his shoulder.

“enough will you.”

“whatever, see you tomorrow.” sunghoon says.

“hmm. see you tomorrow.” you waved at him before he left.

“you can come out too, ni-ki.” you say with your back turned. ni-ki sighs. he gracefully lands onto the ground.

“you’re no fun, noona. i wanted to scare you.” ni-ki huffs.

“too bad.” you shrug your shoulders.

“anyways, you should get inside noona.” ni-ki says.

“was already planning to.” you say. you waved ni-ki off and entered your home. it was silent, too silent to the point your ears started ringing. you sighed.

“if only grandma and grandpa were still alive…” your grandparents had passed on unexpectedly, it scarred you. sure, they peacefully left earth but you had no other family. you felt…lonely.

you strolled towards the bathroom to take a shower and clean up. everything felt extremely dirty, it’s not like you really enjoyed doing the job but you knew you had no choice considering you only have a mere high school diploma and that wouldn’t get you far.

you could go college but truth is what did you even want to be? you never discovered and developed your talents or hobbies since you were always busy with missions. you wished you spent more time with your grandparents so they could give you life advice, tell you stories of their childhood and many more. however, it was too late.

the water grazes your skin, tears falling down along with it. you felt tired, too tired. if only there was someone out there to give you the love you needed and craved.

“jaeyun.” sunghoon slaps jake’s back. the blond boy winces.

“what the fuck do you want? i’m trying to code something.” jake grumbles. sunghoon takes a single glance at the computer.

“ew numbers.” sunghoon gags. jake rolls his eyes.

“just came back from making sure (name) gets home safe?”

“actually, hyung. both of us did.” ni-ki walks in.

“good. how is she?”

“she’s home safe. I was the last person to see her off since sunghoon hyung was already walking off.” ni-ki smirks.

“oh so taking care of jake’s girlfriend is suddenly a competition? if it is, i am so ready to beat your gremlin ass.” sunghoon hissed.

“as if you could beat me, i’m trained specially as a spy. i quite literally have the high ground.” ni-ki says.

“why you little shit-” jake stops sunghoon.

“alright, how about you two go play a round of fifa. if that isn’t enough to settle this little childish play fight, go settle this on the rooftop training centre. it's the perfect place for you two to wrestle.” jake says.

sunghoon grumbles, “come on.” the silver haired boy drags ni-ki out.

“those two never learn to not bicker.” jungwon says suddenly. jake jumps back in surprise.

“how long have you been sitting there?”

“since those idiots came in. did you fix the virus?” jake tilts his head. “fine, did you fix the virus, hyung?”

“yeah, it was a little hard to fix it but the app is online and our little army should be well informed.”

“good, is noona okay?”

“why do you never use formalities when talking to us but you use it with-”

“Because she’s better than you guys and she’s simply not you guys.” jungwon says. he stands up from the chair.

“yah, where are you going leader-”

“watering my plants and then walking maeumi. let me know if heeseung hyung calls us and we will be there.”

“wait before you go!!”

“already leaving.” jungwon waves jake off.

“THERE IS A BID TO ATTEND TO!! DON’T FORGET!!” jake yells. jungwon does an okay sign. jake falls into his seat and huffs.

he checks his phone. not a single message from you. jake knows you two were simply friends and that you had no feelings for him but he can’t help being worried about you. especially knowing you don’t have any more family. though, jake does hope you think of him and the boys as your little family and yes, he would love to be your husband.

“oh sim jaeyun, you are so down bad.” jake ruffles his hair.

it was about 11pm, jake looked at himself in the mirror and made sure his tie was perfect. he sighs. he turns his head to look at the mask on his bed. a masquerade mask to hide his identity at the bid. he breathes in, he could do this. it wasn’t like this was his first time going over to this bidding event.

“jake! let’s go!” jay yells. jake grabs the mask and puts it on.

there were tons of people at the event, it was kinda getting a little too much for jake. he sucks in a breath. sunoo turns to him.

“hyung, let’s get upstairs. jake hyung is getting you know.” sunoo says.

heeseung spots jake nervously playing with the ends of his suit jacket. he nods.

“let’s go.”

the moment the 7 boys arrived at the top, they spotted you in your amazing long red bodycon dress and masquerade mask. you smiled and entertained the guests that were up in the VIP side.

“(name), you made it!” jay hugs you.

“as per usual, i do have a job to attend to here.”

“job?”

just then, a notification pops up on their phones. it was a warning that something bad was brewing and they had to save this poor innocent victim. you smirked.

“see, my work is never done. anyways, shall we watch?”

jake watches the way you walk over to the balcony, the way your body moves and looked in that dress. god, he wishes to rip your clothes off your body-

“jake, you good?” sunghoon waves his hand in front of him. jake nods before fixing up his mask.

everything was normal, nothing much going on. until, they unveiled what was under the huge cube. it was a cage, a girl was tied up. your breath hitches. it reminded you a lot of the past. the past when you were kidnapped but thankfully, you were found and jake was also the one who found you.

“we have to save her.” you say before turning to heeseung.

“of course. besides, you know we don’t allow selling people. we aren’t the black market.” heeseung says. ni-ki snorts.

“but we do control the black market.”

sunghoon smacks ni-ki’s head, “shut up. we have to gather a plan. any ideas in that giant head of yours, nishimura?”

“First off, it isn’t giant. secondly, heeseung hyung. you don’t happen to have the luggage full money do you?”

“what are you hinting at ni-ki?” heeseung asks.

“bid for her. leave the rest to me and the others. we’ll get the money back safely.”

“yeah yeah.” heeseung waves ni-ki off. “(name), could you seduce-”

“the guy i’m supposed to seduce is that creepy ass man about to bid for the girl. act fast, i need to get down there.” you say. just as you were about to walk off, jake holds your wrist.

“stay safe.”

you smirked, “when have i never stayed safe?” you quickly left the area.

jake’s heart races. he wanted you to stay safe but he knew he couldn’t control you. jay pats jake’s back.

“she’s yours at the end of the day, bud. she won’t go overboard and besides we have the best people to save her. they’re just one call away, have faith in her.”

“I do have faith in her but at the end of the day, she doesn’t like me like that. she thinks i’m only doing this as a friendly gesture.” jake groans.

“dude, ever heard of growing balls and asking her out? it won’t hurt to try.” sunghoon says. jake sends him a terrifying glare. one that could make sunghoon surrender on the spot.

heeseung pats jake’s back, “come on, we should be cautious now.”

the plan starts as heeseung bets on the girl right on the stage. It was a fierce battle between him and their target but of course, heeseung wins. each one of the boys went to their spots to guard behind the scenes while heeseung went straight into the tiger’s den. jake watches as you flirt with the guy, he can’t help but have his stomach churn. it wasn’t a pleasant sight to witness.

“jake, let’s go. ni-ki already left with jungwon.” sunghoon says.

jake’s eyes followed the way you trailed the man. it was flirty, definitely proves you were great at what you did but it didn’t sit right with him.

“jake!” sunghoon yells. sunghoon sighs, he can’t stop his lovesick friend. hence, he was left with no choice but to drag jake away. your eyes catches jake’s for a split second and you swore you saw a glint of hurt. however, you had to focus on your mission.

“so, you won’t be going anywhere after this?” the guy says. his fingers playing with the string on your waist. it was skimpy dress that barely covered much. you even had to wear a thong for it. you decided it was best to dress up since you heard this guy loved extremely pretty and sexy girls. hearing that intel from some girls in clubs was disgusting but definitely useful.

you gave him a smile, “well...i was going home after this. it’s so cold in my bed though.” you gave him a good show by pressing your elbows together. it showed your cleavage way more as you pretend to think. he was shamelessly staring.

“i could swing by.” he licks his lips. you smiled.

“oh, you don’t have to.” you pout. a few men came up behind him and whispered to him. he nods before turning to look at you.

“i’m sorry sweetcheeks but i have some important business to attend to. how about another time?” he says as he hands you a business card. you smiled and took it.

“of course. you must be a busy man.”

“yes, a busy rich man.” he smirks. you ‘giggled’ a little.

“it was nice meeting you, miss..?”

“(name).”

“miss (name).” you bowed a little. once he was gone out of your sight, your face falls. you grabbed your phone and dialled for jay. he picks up within seconds.

“target has gone to your side. it’s your job now.”

“alright. also, before you end the call. could you check up on jake?”

“what’s wrong?”

“he disappeared. he was with sunghoon but then when sunghoon turned back, he was gone.”

“i’ll search for him.”

“okay. stay safe.” jay says. you snort.

“I have pepper spray, a knife and a pistol.”

“of which your boyfriend gave you.”

“jake isn’t my boyfriend, you fuck.”

“sure, (name) but he acts like one.”

“that’s just how jake is.”

“only with you though.”

“whatever.”

“you can’t deny (name).”

“shut up jay.” you end the call, sighing.

you won’t lie, jake has been too friendly with you and only with you. sure, he has flirted with other girls before but he usually doesn’t act upon things. he doesn’t want a relationship. he has mentioned this to you before in high school. which was why you never confessed to him.

a message pops up.

jakeyy: bring me some hot chocolate :(

you: i’m not your personal maid, jaeyun

jakeyy: please princess :(

you: fine

jakeyy: thank you <3

you rolled your eyes. he didn’t even tell you where he was. you did have a clue on where he was though.

you: jake, you fuck. you didn’t tell me where you are (read)

he read the message but didn’t reply, great. guess you really had to go hunt for him. maybe he was at the penthouse. pretty simple and obvious. you swiped your card to get to the penthouse. once the elevator reaches the floor, you went straight to the computer room. jake did spend most of his time here.

you entered the room. thankfully, jake was here.

“hey, why did you run off? you were in the middle of the mission.” you say as you placed down the cup of hot chocolate onto his desk.

“Because i’m not first in line. I don’t have to fight unless there is an emergency.” jake reasons. you sighed.

“jungwon is down there fighting with them.” jake types away on his keyboard.

“jungwon was trained in taekwondo, he can take an enemy down easily with a kick. i need a weapon to strike them down. besides, my speciality is IT. i can help them with info through calls.”

“alright, you win.”

jake snorts, “thanks for the hot chocolate though.”

*buzz buzz* - in-earpiece-

“hey, have you found jake yet?” jay says.

“yeah, he went back up to the penthouse. you guys done yet?”

“yeah. oh, since jake is up there. could he come down and get the girl?”

“i’ll tell him. are you guys coming up?”

“yeah, we need to regroup for a little. heeseung hyung says.”

“alright.”

you smacked jake’s arm and he winces.

“can you do your job? jay wants you to go collect the girl and bring her up here.”

“what? why can’t they do it?” jake huffs.

“they are still fending off a little. they’ll come back up here soon to regroup.”

“i have some things i’m working on-”

“I can help, i was in the same class as you during high school. I would take it as i am in fact smart.” you say.

“are you sure? i’m tweaking a code to strengthen the security of the app while also looking through the database.”

“what do you take me for? i can handle this, just get down there. it’s just a quick fetching and you can come back here.”

“Fine.” jake goes to find the girl. you cracked your knuckles and sat down on his chair.

“damn, this is really advanced.” you say.

“let me handle the coding, noona.” jungwon says. you flinched.

“where the fuck did you come from?”

“i just walked in. now, i’ll code in the strengthening system while you can monitor the database. i believe sunghoon hyung and ni-ki are chasing after the people who stole the money. you can update them while on call, it will be easier for a live time update.” jungwon says.

“okay.”

*buzz*

“sunghoon? do you hear me?”

“yeah, loud and clear. what’s wrong?”

“the guy just ran under.”

“oh thanks. you watching the tracking?”

“yeah, jake went to grab the girl.”

“was he drinking hot chocolate in the computer room again?”

“he asked me to grab some and yeah he was in the computer room.”

“ain’t surprised.”

“HYUNG? WE ARE BEING SHOT AT.” ni-ki yells.

“don’t worry, they’ve never played a game of COD. they can’t shoot for shit.” sunghoon says.

“HYUNG THIS ISN’T A GAME! THIS IS REAL LIFE!”

you winced at ni-ki’s yelling, “sunghoon, ni-ki. be careful.”

“aww thanks, noona.”

“NISHIMURA TO YOUR LEFT!”

“I CAN SEE HYUNG.”

*buzz*

“idiots.” jungwon huffs. you snort.

“yo. where is the girl?” jay says.

“still not here- damn jake hyung really made this system code complicated as fuck.” jungwon groans.

“we need to regroup and sunghoon and ni-ki aren’t here still.” jay says.

“just wait. maybe wash the blood off your shirt and hands first?” jungwon nonchalantly says.

“where is heeseung?” you asked.

“dealing with the dude. hyung, locked him in the chamber.”

“for?”

“you know his crimes.”

“actually, i went in this seducing mission raw. i have zero clue what the guy did.”

“The usual actually like every rich man does.” jay says.

“extortion of money. fraud. tax evasion. he also solicited a minor.” jungwon lists them out. your jaw drops.

“that’s…bad.”

“well, heeseung hyung is doing the right thing. he deserves to be tortured.” jay shrugs. you nod. jungwon types something in and the screen pulls up the security cam of inside the said ‘torture room’.

‘i know nothing you’re talking about.’ the guy’s voice was raspy, almost gone.

heeseung leans down. he throws papers at him.

‘are you sure?’

the guy chuckles before he roars in laughter. he looks up at heeseung directly with crazy eyes.

‘ah, about your so-called dead parents?’

‘you must really not know they are alive. just being tortured to death.’

heeseung grabs the guy’s collar.

‘bullshit, they are dead.’

‘it is all lies. they are being held captive-.’

heeseung shoves the guy back on the chair before leaving the room.

“that was pretty harsh. i don’t think we should mess with heeseung hyung right now. it’s a touchy subject for him.” jungwon says. the door slams open and heeseung is grabbing a canned beer and drinking it.

“i hope that guy enjoys the torture because it is just starting.” heeseung says. sunghoon and ni-ki walked in soon after.

“at least clean your face, you have blood all over. you’re going to ruin the floor, i just cleaned the place.” jungwon groans.

“alright, we will. here.” sunghoon throws the suitcase at jay. jay quickly inspects it to see if all the money was inside and it was.

“great job. now, wash up. we have girl guest coming up and i don’t think she’d want to see the both of you covered in blood.” sunoo says.

“when did you get here?” jay says.

“i was in the bathroom washing up the blood since you aren’t doing it.” sunoo sasses.

“it could be red paint.” ni-ki says.

“along with the smell of iron? totally red paint.” jungwon adds before rolling his eyes. ni-ki huffs.

“do we have any more missions? i have school in the morning and it’s not going to be a good rest if i do not have at least 3 hours of sleep.” ni-ki says. everyone turns to heeseung (despite jungwon being the leader of the operation).

“jake is coming up here any second now so we’ll debrief and then you can run back to your home and sleep.” heeseung explains.

“do we debrief with (name)?” sunghoon asks.

“i’m just here as your assassin, there is no need for me to even be here. jake just told me to watch you two.”

“so?”

“it means, i will be going now. goodnight!” you say.

“wait, what about jake?” sunghoon yells.

“i’ll drop him a text!” you say.

“he’s gonna kill us if we just let you off!” sunghoon says.

“i’m gonna have a night walk before getting home. i need some me time.”

“it’s 1am!”

“and?” the elevator door shuts. just as your elevator door shuts, the other elevator door opens and reveals jake and the girl.

you: went for a walk, i’ll get home as soon as possible.

jakeyy: what? why? 

you: i just wanna walk around our childhood park. is it that bad?

jakeyy: why didn’t you invite me :(

you: i wasn’t asking for you to join me. it’s going to be just me.

jakeyy: alright, stay safe.

“he is going to come.” you sighed.

you were strolling around the park. It was pretty dark out but the night sky and the stars made it look magical. it was why you loved coming here. your grandparents used to bring you here to watch the stars. they laid a picnic mat onto the ground and pointed out the various shapes and animals that they could spot.

there was once a smiley face and your grandparents pointed out that it was your parents and that they were proud of you. proud of who you grew up to be. you weren’t exactly sure if they’d be happy with what you did now.

you looked up at the sky. the stars were twinkling, you wished you could reach up there and capture a star. it was truly something beautiful. you had stayed in the park for at least an hour, you decided it was time to get home. it was already 2am, you should at least get some rest. well, you hoped you did at least.

you felt a nudge at your fingers and saw layla sitting in front of you.

“layla, how did you get here?” you say. obviously, you knew jake was here too because there was no possible way for layla to escape from jake’s vision. he cared about layla more than anybody could.

“what’s with you coming here suddenly?” jake says. you turned to the boy.

“my grandparents' death anniversary is coming up so i just want to visit the place they always brought me to.”

“god, i forgot. i’m so sorry.”

“it’s alright. you don’t have to worry. i’m sure they will be upset though.” you say pointing to the stars. jake looks up.

“i am so sorry grandpa and grandma.” jake says. you snort.

“why did you bring layla out?”

“why not? she likes late night walks.”

out of nowhere it starts pouring. you gasp. jake grabs your arms and runs with you to the gazebo. you, jake and layla were soaking wet. the puppy shakes off the water and it only splashes onto you and jake. the both of you giggled.

“well so much for it having a clear sky to see the stars. it started pouring fast.” you say. jake chuckles.

“I think your grandparents are really mad at me.” he huffs. you laughed.

“that’s impossible, jake! you know they love you!”

“well, if they did then why is it pouring all of sudden.”

“no one can predict the weather.”

“okay, fine. that is very true. this is my favourite hoodie though.” he pouts.

“we can dry it off at my home. for now, we have to wait until the rain stops or at least calms down.”

“i don’t think it’s stopping any time now.” jake says as he looks out. it’s true, it was practically raining cats and dogs. there was no way it would stop any second now. it would probably end in about an hour or two. however, layla was not a calm dog. she’d probably get angsty and want to run around.

“do you think we should just book it to your car?” you suggest.

“car? i walked here.”

“are you serious?” jake nods. you facepalmed.

“okay, maybe we could stay here for a little bit and hope the rain calms down.”

it had been 10 mins and the rain had not calmed down. jake had settled onto the ground by now, caressing layla to calm her down from the thunder.

“should we run? my house is just a block away.”

“(name), i don’t want layla to get sick.”

“what about us?”

“layla is more important.”

“you’re right.” you groaned, “it’s going to take an hour more probably. i’m cold and hungry.” you whined.

“come here then.” you tilt your head. jake tugs on your hand to bring you down to sit on the ground. after doing so, he takes out his jacket and drapes it over you.

“it’s better than freezing to death.”

“oh great, your jacket is wet, you know.” you deadpanned.

“the inside is dry, just the outside is wet. you’re still in the dress you wore for the ball.”

“well, of course i am. i did say i was going straight to do a night walk before going home.”

“it’s dangerous for you to be out wearing like this.” jake says. his words tugged at your heart strings.

“you gave me plenty of things to defend myself with. moreover, i learnt taekwondo from jungwon. i think i’m well prepared for a surprise attack.”

“i’m just worried about you.” he says.

silence.

“you mean it in a friendly way, don’t you?” you say.

“i meant it in a more than friends kinda way.”

you swore your heart drops into the pit of your stomach. there was no way jake liked you as more than friends. he is just joking. he always does.

“is this a joke?”

“no.”

layla whimpers, you pet her.

“she knows i’m sincere.” jake points out. you snort.

“so you like me?” you tease.

“are you teasing me, now?”

“well, it’s hard to believe it when you’ve spent countless times denying our possible feelings for each other.”

“well- fine, i’ll say it out loud. I like you, (name). i like you so much, i wanna kiss you right now.”

your breath hitches, “who’s stopping you from doing it?”

and so, jake leans in and captures your lips. you went home with jake, the both of you were giggling like teens. layla followed in, she settles down on the floor. both you and jake fell onto the couch, kissing nonstop.

“i really like you.” he pecks your lips.

“do you like me or my lips?” he pecks it again.

“both.”

“choose one.”

“then you. I really really really like you.” he pecks all over your face and you fell back onto the couch. jake continues to lay kisses on your face even after you fell back on the couch.

jake’s phone rings. he pauses and places it on speaker mode before throwing himself onto you.

“yo?”

“you sound happy, it’s 4am in the morning.” jay says.

“HE GOT LAID I BET!” sunghoon yells from the back. you heard a smack from the other line.

“YAH! MY ASS.” sunghoon yells.

“anyways, where are you?”

“it rained so i’m at (name)’s house.”

“ah so she’s the cause of your happiness? not surprised. i thought you got laid or something.”

“unless…did (name) and you finally hook up?” sunghoon says.

jake looks up at you and pecks your lips. it was loud enough for both sunghoon and jay to hear.

“we didn’t hook up but she is my girl now.” jay gasps.

“FUCKING FINALLY!” sunghoon yells. jay smacks sunghoon again.

“can you not shout? it’s 4am in the morning and jungwon gets fucking cranky if we wake him up. he is terrifying if he doesn’t get sleep.”

“okay okay. holy shit, congrats though. can we throw a party then?”

“throwing a party equals to a possible attack.” jay explains.

“you know, that’s not a bad idea guys. mayhaps, we can eliminate possible targets on our list.” you say. both jay and sunghoon gasp.

“jake, you have found the smartest girl. thank you (name)!” sunghoon says.

“so we'll tell the others tomorrow in a meeting?”

“yeah, that’s a perfect plan. (name), join us tomorrow!”

“we’ll leave you two to get it on, now!” sunghoon ends the call.

“they are idiots, aren’t they?” you say.

“that’s sunghoon and jay for you.” jake says. you giggled.

the next morning, both you and jake entered the penthouse. everyone was already gathered. heeseung was looking at his clock. the other elevator door opened and perfectly on time, another girl walks in.

“is that the girl we saved?” you say. she bows at you.

“hello, i am eun. i umm housekeep.”

“you are pretty. heeseung, you sure you don’t wanna actually wife her up?” you say. heeseung rolls his eyes.

“he’s already planning to do it!” sunoo smirks.

“oh damn, can i be the best man?” jake says.

“it’s not a real marriage.”

“yeah but you two will be legally married by the law.” jay says. eun blushes.

“well, after someone mentioned that i have a wife to a guy. now, everyone thinks i’m married so we’ll have to roll with it.” heeseung glares at jake. the said boy hides behind you.

“okay so what’s the plan because i have to explain to ni-ki later on.” jungwon says.

you told them the plan.

about a month later, the boys were appalled. the guy they tortured was right. heeseung’s parents were really alive.

“eun, here. bring this to heeseung hyung. i think you are the only one who can go in his room. he’ll throw a fit if any one of us goes in.” jay hands eun a tray.

“thanks, i’ll make sure he is okay.” eun says. she enters heeseung’s room.

“dude, if heeseung’s parents are alive…what more is kept under the rug?” sunghoon says.

“you don’t think my pet goldfish from when i was five is still alive?” ni-ki says.

“not funny.” sunoo says. ni-ki huffs.

jungwon feels a notification pop in. he scans his phone. his eyes widened.

“jake hyung, you need to see the app.”

“what? is there a virus?” jake says.

“no, it’s not. someone coded a message into the app externally and it’s for you.” jungwon says.

everyone looks at their phone. true enough, it was a pop up message.

‘your brother is still alive. clock is ticking though, better be quick and solve this mystery. i’ll be waiting for you and your little mafia friends~’

jake felt his stomach drop. there is no way his brother is alive. his brother died in an accident when he was 10.

“jake…”

“(name), i-”

you hugged jake. he could feel his whole body shake but he didn’t know if it was fear or anger. whoever was behind this was someone cruel. someone who knew every single thing about the boys.

“we have to find the mastermind. he deserves to be erased from this planet.” jake says.

-

taglist[open]: @my5colors @wtfhyuck @nyfwyeonjun @thealatte @dimplewonie @nuttykittypainter @tya0

taglist[perm]: @ja4hyvn @ahnneyong @milklix @kar0ki @sugarsunoo

(send an ask or go here to be added!)

[fightabear]

anyway, re: convention. here's my debrief and i have three weeks until the next one. the grand total earned was about $1,300. which isn't terrible for a two day event! but i won't lie, it is less than i was hoping for. i didn't get as many commissions this year and that's a bummer because doing those is my favorite part. i would legit do them for free if i could but THAT'S NOT GOOD BUSINESS SENSE

my setup still needs tweaking - i think i need to learn harder into the commission portion of it. someone was suggesting maybe i do need two tables and i'm going to look into that next year.

more details under the cut because this got long.

but man oh man has it ever improved. i made less money this year than i did last year, but that was my own fault. i didn't advertise myself as well. plus a snowstorm hit. and my table helper kept just getting up to leave or getting deep into conversation instead of helping me watch for folks and left me very ?_? please notify me so i know i need to watch for clients.

i'm also going to add some more discount options since word of mouth is how this works best. i had some plans to lean into that but they fell through because i went really hard on the charms this go around.

i still ended up being the one greeting people & engaging them and that might... just be how it is! i'm a huge extrovert offline (and a shy introvert online) so any time i saw a cosplayer i recognized the hype kicked in. and i think as soon as i added my dungeons & discounts option (if you get a tabletop commission and tell me the story from the campaign you get $5 - this helps prevent awkward silences! i don't mind drawing in front of people but i find it a lot easier if they're engaging with me, it's like - less pressure? because then i can talk to them while i draw and it ignores my adhd to hyperfocus and work harder at capturing the essence of their character) that helped a ton because people would see a whole party of people at the table recounting the tales of epic adventures end up wanting to get in on that.

i might just need the help friend to be there to process sales and maintain the waitlist.

some highlights: there was a group of cosplayers that kept walking by my table and i recognized 2/3 of them and was excited about it, and as they were walking away i realized the third was a bigtop burger cosplayer and i like had to call them back to ask if that's what they were cosplaying. i think i made that person's day because they were so so so excited someone recognized them. i handed them some of my prototype sailor moon design stickers bc i forgot i even had them with me and they were so excited. i ended up giving out a lot of those just for the hell of it because people got so excited and also commented that the design is incredibly cool which means i need to get off my ass and do more of them.

i kept trying to do a walk of the hall but i'd stop to just ooh and ahh over people's work. things got so busy during the day that i couldn't get up and go buy stuff so i'm hoping that they'll be at the next event too.

and man, i have like! regulars now! people who make a point to stop by my booth to get a comm. they were so excited when i remembered them and i was so giddy they remembered me. and man some folks just came by to chat! and i made friends? folks are local to me. being a WFH adult means that i don't get many opportunities to hang out with people and i feel like those skills atrophied over the last three years.

i got to catch up with my favorite professor from college who said she was genuinely impressed by the evolution of my art (its my 10 year graduation anniversary in may, christ) and was really really amazed by my setup. i told her i was promoting the hell out of the program all day. i got to see classmates i haven't seen in years and we're making plans to have a big week long anniversary party in the summer.

i also had another (former) professor (not mine - but he taught many many many of my friends who have all said he's notoriously difficult to please - great guy but holds things to a high standard) run behind my booth to check out how i had things set up. when he popped back out in front, he grinned and gave me a thumbs up and said it was "very impressive" and my friend turned to me like "are you on cloud nine or ten right now?" and i was like - wa - wait i know that who was that and he was like THAT WAS SANDY! HE NEVER COMPLIMENTS PEOPLE LIKE THAT.

i guess people were talking about my setup and how quickly i work. and the art guests for the convention - according to my friend at least - also think my work is impressive?

it's funny how much can change in the span of a year or two... i think i had quietly retired my dreams of ever doing something with my art because i knew what my strengths were but i had no idea how to correctly monetize them.

i do know this: i'm going to go ahead with the comic i've been planning. this is entirely original, not a fan comic. it's going to be a queer vampire x werewolf horror/slowburn romance set in atlantic canada. two main couples a wlw & a mlm ship with an extended cast of varying identities. there are themes i want to explore about the gentrification of the maritimes and greed leading to environmental destruction, with chapters from different character perspectives to show a different side of atlantic canadian life that are very much not mine to tell so i would want to get guest writers who have that lived experienced to tell it.

there's a few things that stuck with me, little lines i'm gonna remember forever. someone said they're surprised i don't have a comic - and then followed that up with saying my art is "a full meal" not just a "snack" even when it's just a sketch.

and my college friend's wife - who shares my first name - was like oh you're the one i've heard so many stories about! and i was like - stories??? what stories?? because in my head i'm the houseplant and the wallflower.

it is still very strange to feel seen and to realize you are perceived, especially when you tend to make yourself small because you feel awkward for how much space you tak eup. i think for years i've assumed i'm the person that's always just kind of... there in a situation, literally even if it's a party i'm throwing. or if i've found a cool thing to do and i'm inviting a friend, they're going along with it because they don't want to go alone and the experience of going there is the thing they want and not the experience of going together. the pandemic and the isolation definitely didn't do favors for me, and oh boy did it not when a lot of it was spent in a really toxic relationship.

this was a reminder that people are wonderful and want to be around me, and reaching out to engage with them is what i need to do. they want to hang out with me and get to know me, and if my 30s are going to be anything it's going to be letting them get the full me.

[dreamedge]

AO3 tag game :3

shout-out to @ragecndybars for the tag! <3 I got to think a lot about some older fics and also the deep, eternal impact CC has has on my soul, so I'm emotional rn lol.

How many works do you have on AO3?

21! Which is, a lot more than I thought tbh. I've been writing these long, long fics for so many years now that I've sort of forgotten about all the little ones I've managed in between. And even the long ones add up after a while. Though, I did only import a small selection of my fics from ff.net, so the back catalogue of stuff I've actually written is way longer. ... That's fine, some of that stuff can stay buried lol.

Even at 21 though... *Looks at my shoebox of story ideas and outlines* Its... its still not enough. Its, its just no where close to even making a dent in everything I want to write eventually.

What’s your total AO3 word count?

650,444. I'm pretty sure at least half of that is entirely in CC, and another quarter is in can i bleed. Which, tbh I'm not sure how I feel about that lol. Deeply introspective fics, my passion, my talent, my beloathed. Some part of me does miss simply writting 5k chapters and calling it done for a week. Not all of me though.

How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they?

Only 10! That number probably isn't going to grow much either. I tend to gravitate towards bigger projects these days rather than simple oneshots or even like, 5 chapter long stuff, so I tend to go all in on a small number of fandoms instead of spreading my attention around, even though I want to.

Cardcaptor Sakura

Digimon

Dragon Age Inquisition

Percy Jackson

Persona 3

Power Rangers RPM

RWBY

Teen Wolf

Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle

BNHA

Top five fics by kudos:

A Most Precious Thing (Tsubasa): tbh this being number one is an absolute surprise, though I'm very happy about it. According to AO3, this was published almost 10 years ago, will be 10 years exactly in just a few weeks, but people still regularly give it kudos and comments. It was a complete experiment, style wise; I'd never written anything like it before, I've written one thing like it since, and I'm just so thankful that people loved it so much despite the inexperience behind it.

Of the Woods (Teen Wolf/CCS): This being so high up is not a surprise, and I'm annoyed about it. Mostly bc I know its only so high up bc its for such a big fandom, written during said fandom's height. I think its probably one of the fic I've soured the most on since I wrote it; its just not that great.

Crests Corrupted (Digimon) : Oh, here it is. My masterpiece. Maybe its weird to say that of the fic that's only 3rd, but it truly is, and to see a fic I have put so much of myself into being even this high and this appreciated means so much to me.

can i bleed within your love (Persona 3) : Hi! I don't have much to say about this one, only that I'm so happy with the sheer outpouring of love this has gotten, and I can't wait to finish it.

True Feelings Chocolate (Digimon) : Oh, um, I sort of forgot about you. What are you doing here? ...This is awkward, I really didn't expect this to do so well. Its just a silly little fic I wrote for valentine's one year. I'm glad it did well?

Do you respond to comments?

I try! I don't succeed a lot of the time; generally I'm very tired after posting a chapter and then its been like two weeks and responding feels awkward. Also I tend to ramble, if you haven't noticed yet, some sometimes I'll just close out of responding to avoid any chance of me accidentally spoiling or saying something I shouldn't. I'm... working on it.

What’s the fic with the angstiest ending you’ve ever written?

Oh that's easy. Its the RWBY one, Your Love on Your Sleeve and Your Pain Buried Deep. I don't tend to write angsty fics, I like happy endings, I think this is the only one I've ever written and I'm glad to keep it that way.

Do you write crossovers?

I've written one before, the TW one that's up there. I generally tend to prefer fusions over straight up crossovers; I've gotten several P3 fusions planned, a PJ fusion, the bnha fic I wrote is a fusion. I just, I love fusions. I greatly prefer writing them over cross-overs generally.

Have you ever gotten hate on a fic?

Once or twice, but that was ages ago and I've mostly blocked it from my memory. The fandoms I'm in now have been full of such lovely people, I've been really lucky.

Do you write smut?

Smut, as in the fic happens to have a sex scene? Not typically, but I'm not against doing so when the need calls. Smut, as in the entire point of the fic in the sex scene? No. I'm actually very bad at it. I'll do it if I must but I find even writing kiss scenes awkward, let alone everything else. I will gladly leave it to people much better at their craft them I am.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

To the best of my knowledge? No I don't think so.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I've had people offer? I don't know if they ever did or even if, in my general ineptitude when it comes to responding to people, I actually agreed they could.

Hey, if anyone wants to translate my works, feel free!

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

... Hey, thats not fair.

Hmmm, well, after much thinking I'm gonna go with Kurogane/Fai from TRC. Other ships may currently have their hooks in my brain, but kurofai is a big comfort to me still, I really love them. And lets be honest. Ain't no one doing it like those two.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish, but don’t think you ever will?

I have, its not posted anywhere, and technically I've barely started writing it, its almost entirely outline rn, but I do have a p3 fantasy au thats just... fucking massive. Its a huge project just from the outline i have, long even in comparison to CC, so long that I doubt I'd ever finish it to the point where I've barely started it.

What are your writing strengths?

Combat. I write a damn good fight scene and I know it. I take a lot of pride in that. I also tend to have a pretty solid grasp of pacing on an overall level for longer fics. Per chapter pacing gets a bit more eh, but the overall pacing of arcs and stuff for my longer fics, I generally know what I'm doing.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I never know when to shut the fuck up! This is a problem I've known I've had for years. I just let characters go on these long, internal monologues, which is only acceptable because I also write deeply introspective fics. However, it tends to slow chapters down a lot and after a bit, characters repeat themselves and its a problem.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fics?

I'm incapable bc I'm monolingual but I've always loved fics that use other languages! Maybe I can do that some day lol.

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

Yknow, if I dug far far far back in my ff.net account it would probably be Naruto? I think. My memory is fuzzy and I'm not actually going to go look. However, thats the first one I posted.

The *very* first fic i ever wrote, I have a very clear memory of for some reason. It was a FFX2/Series of Unfortunate Events crossover, I was in the fourth grade, I thought it was the coolest thing. Hm, memories.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written so far?

I actually have two answers for this, which, I know is against the spirit and rule of the question BUT. Too bad.

One is A Most Precious Thing, bc it was such an experience to write. Despite being 10 years old I still love it. It was, as I said above, an utter experiment. It is written entirely in 2nd person, which is not actually a choice? I made? Um, I tried, very hard in the beginning, to write in in my standard 3rd, and it didn't work. The story actively refused to be written as such and I kept ending up back in 2nd. And at some point I just gave up and wrote the rest of it as such. And it taught me, so much, about point of view and how that relates to emotional distance, and really, but trusting myself with my writing, that even if I can't say why this is happening, somewhere deep down there is a reason to it and I should trust that. As a writer who takes my craft very seriously, this one has a soft spot in my heart bc of all of that.

However, Crests Corrupted owns a piece of my soul that I will never get back. It is my thesis, my masterpiece, It has defined years of my life, I have poured hundreds of thousands of words into it, I have given it so much of my heart and my pain. It has redefined how I approach writing, it has shaped, totally, the style in which I write today. Even years from now, even years after I finally finish it whenever that is, I don't think I will ever be truly free of it. It is my favorite. How can't it be?

[these-written-reveries]

I just told my mom I'm autistic/adhd and it was so awkward 😭🙈😫 I already knew she wouldn't be receptive in the way I deep down wish she would be, but she at least didn't say anything rude to my face about it like I was expecting her to so...I guess that's a win? All of this bc I want some noise canceling headphones for my birthday bc I'm suffering and I really think they will help me. I wish I had more loving and accepting parents who didn't just brush off everything I say, act like I'm dumb for being vulnerable enough to bring it up, and then go on to use said thing against me. I knew this when I said it, but I weighed the pros and cons and I would rather risk them using this as ammo against me, in which they might say some hurtful stuff to me sometimes (nothing new), than to continue on suppressing and masking so much in my own home. It is literally painful and it makes everything worse for me. It's not like I'll ever be able to feel safe enough to fully unmask around them, but I also have been unmasking in ways that I can't control and to have to work 3x's as hard to build that mask up and hide who I am in moments when I'm around them (which is quite frequent since I live with them) is way more exhausting and painful than anything else. I'm tired of it. I'm literally burnt out partially bc of that. So, fuck it! They're gonna be abusive assholes no matter what, they already don't like me bc I'm not "normal", why not add another reason to their list of "Why We Hate Kalista", hm? Nothing I haven't heard/experienced before! At least I can wear my headphones and stim and talk to my sister about our neurodivergence in the living area without worrying about them finding out I'm autistic. What a silly waste of time. I'm glad I ripped the bandaid off. Imagine if I continued with that shit for the rest of my life with them? Nah, I'll choose me over you any day. I'm not here to make you comfortable and give in to the fear of your expressed disdain against me. And????🤨 what the fuck is new?! I've accepted that you'll never love me -you aren't capable of it, I get it. It has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you and I finally understand that now. What you say/do may still hurt me, but it will never rip me to pieces like it used to. I love myself. Unconditionally. That's all that fucking matters.

So good job me for being brave and authentic and vulnerable, no matter how scary or painful it gets. My days of high masking, self-hatred, and suppressing who I truly am are over. I'm looking forward to finding new ways to grow and express myself more authentically -and to getting better at tuning the assholes out! *with my new noise canceling headphones!!!*🥰🤭

[scary-monsters]

You are my single pipeline to Diego Brando shenanigans and I love that for you. Me. Us.

Tell me, have you got any fun headcanons about the Diegosaur? Literally cannot get enough of his lame ass (exceedingly affectionate).

omg Obsessed with this ask, THANK YOU :'))) i love it for you and us as well, he's the best, it's my mission every day to scream abt him so much that more and more people will be converted

i have some really Strong headcanons, i don't remember what i've mentioned on here and what i haven't, BUT:

he's a fiend for sweets, he loooves baked goods and pastries especially

i mean this feels fairly canon anyway, but he's very socially stunted and has very little basis to go off of as far as building relationships goes, he's painfully awkward and that's uncomfortable for him so he chooses to fill in the blanks with his typical jackassery and spiteful commentary. it's all he knows, it's what gets a reaction (and he likes attention, good or bad)

his horse is and always will be his bff, he raised silver bullet from the time she was born and closely bonded with her from the get-go due to his innate connection with horses in general. plus, regarding the previous hc, he probably didn't connect with many kids his age and SB was always easier for him to exist with (i don't recall there being a canon gender for SB but i default to 'she' so i apologize if i missed that somewhere)

in general: hates people (canon) but LOVES animals so so so much

movie snob movie snob movie snoooobbbb... i rarely envision deeg in a modern setting but every time i do it's him watching a movie with someone else and loudly discussing his theories and insisting others pay attention. and when anyone else has a comment to make he's OFFENDED bc why would they talk during a movie??? then rewinds it a dramatic amount to replay. hypocritical brat.

consistently cold, blanket hog, whiny little baby about the entire experience of being even just a little chilly.

morning person, gets up with the sunrise and loudly enjoys the entire early morning experience. modern diego would be a little bit like those "rise and grind" people, i just know it. except he's spoiled and barely has to work very hard so like. Shut Up lmao

he's 5'3", no i will not accept any arguments (im joking, i just think short diego is so cute and i know it's pretty universally accepted in fandom anyway)

scary monsters makes his skin pretty dry even when it's not active, his hands get especially cracked and gross so he has to take very good care of them

ok so the bow on his helmet? stick with me here... connecting it with the bows he had on his shirt as a child... there's no reason for that bow to be there on the helmet but perhaps he specifically asked for it as a reminder of his mama

snorts when he's genuinely laughing abt something. it's cute, ok

(edited to add a few more)

really good at braiding hair, he knows how to do all those fancy braids that look really difficult to achieve but he can do it so easily, he's practiced on silver bullet for a long time, it's always been good stress relief for him

he's an ugly crier for sure, he rarely cries in general but when he does Oh Boy it's gonna last a while and he's gonna be a Mess

he's particular about the way he dresses (when he's not in the middle of a massive horse race, he doesn't have much choice there) he wants everything fit perfectly and cohesive etc etc he's probably the type to wear things like once or twice before he's like "alright that's trash now" bc he's a spoiled brat

feels the same way about his living space, it has to be clean and organized or else he'll have a meltdown (that too, he's prone to meltdowns over the tiniest things, stomping around and huffing dramatically)

he keeps things bottled up for a very unhealthy amount of time bc he doesn't know how to deal with his feelings, he'd rather just not have them but LOL sorry bud that's not how that works

hopefully that's not too many/too little hhfjkds i always have to stop myself from rambling abt this man, i just cannot stand him (i say in the most affectionate way possible)

[vexahlla]

hehe ✨️ 🎁 💛

✨️ Out of the comments you’ve received on your fics, what are two or three of your favorites?

someone bookmarked one of my fics with "anything you write is my favorite" which im unable to ever be normal about. i also really like all the comments on royal red & ocean blue chapter 5 bc it's such a fun chapter, someone thanked the inventors of snow, kendo, and thermal underwear, another person quoted 'you should be addicted to shutting the fuck up' which made me feel like i nailed the dynamic. and ofc the dream syncing comment section is full of gems and thank YOU specifically for calling it sexy i didn't know how it would land lol

i savor every comment. genuinely

🎁 Have a piece of a WIP you want to share?

uhhh so listen... idk about rymin but you can have some zukka. this is from the incomplete and very long rrob ch10 "the king of karaoke" a very (purposefully) awkward coming out scene:

Zuko scans the room and quirks a brow. "So this is your Ba Sing Se crowd?" There's a waver in his voice that belies his casual tone. Sokka follows his eye line to see what has him thrown off balance.

Zuko's looking at two girls making out at the foot of the stage, but drops his gaze when he realizes Sokka's followed in his direction.

Sokka's body stills, but he points a sharp glare at Zuko. "Yes," he says, voice dripping with challenge. "Is that an issue, your highness?" He doesn't care that it's factually inaccurate, he just wants Zuko to hear how much of an ass he's being.

Zuko blinks at him, then stumbles through a fervent, tipsy head shake. "No," he says as his cheeks color from more than just the alcohol. "I thought it might be for you, for some reason." He spins his pointer finger as if trying to rewinding time. "I don't know why, though. In retrospect," he adds with a nervous chuckle as he looks anywhere but at Sokka. He had been looking at Sokka the entire night, like he'd been Zuko's refuge in all this chaos, and the absence of his gaze is jarring. "Anyway..."

Zuko is interesting to be around. He's easy to read, most of the time, but where the emotions stem from is still a complicated puzzle Sokka has yet to piece together. He's got a competitive streak, at least where Sokka is concerned, as evidenced by them always trying to one-up each  other at banter or dumb games. And there's this feeling Sokka gets around him that he can’t place, electric yet gentle. It draws him in; it’s something to solve.

Sometimes, though. Sometimes he's just confusing.

"What?" Sokka asks. He wonders if they can ever have a clear conversation when liquor is involved.

“Sokka,” Zuko starts. Stops. He ruffles his hair, hides his head in his arms folded on the table, emerges again. He doesn’t quite meet Sokka’s eye. “I’m gay.”

“Oh,” Sokka says. His too-loud heartbeat is drowning out any coherent thoughts.

Zuko still isn’t looking at him.

“That’s awesome,” Sokka says. “I mean, that’s cool.” He wants to dunk his burning face in cold water. “Good for you.”

As he says it, Zuko is stumbling over his own words. “So I wasn’t, you know — I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No, I get that now,” Sokka says. He recovers from his shock and remembers himself. “Thanks for telling me. I mean, for trusting me enough to tell me that. Yeah.” Okay, so not completely recovered, but still.

Zuko releases a long-held breath. When at last he returns Sokka’s gaze, the harsh red laser lights of the club are filtered to a soft pink in his amber irises. There’s a moment of acknowledgment before he blinks back down to where his fingers are tearing apart a napkin and he’s guarded again.

“I almost told you before,” he says. “At the festival.”

Sokka thinks back to that moment. He winces, remembering how much he had assumed — not only about Zuko, but about Mai, too. Sure, he’s accepting in theory. But in practice? Maybe he has a lot more to work out than he thinks.

“Shit,” Sokka says. “I’m so dumb.” This time he’s the one avoiding eye contact. “You were trying to tell me and I didn’t get it—”

“I backed out.”

“And I was just going on about girls. Not even thinking—”

“I thought you would hate me again.”

Sokka’s mouth and heart sputter to a stop.

“Not that I had any reason to think you’d have a problem with it,” Zuko says, waving it off and fumbling through his words before Sokka can respond. “Obviously you wouldn’t.” It doesn’t sound as confident as Zuko likely thinks he does. “It’s just… We had finally started talking. I thought it might be different enough to throw things off balance again.”

Zuko’s attention is devoted entirely to the bits of napkin in his grip. 

Sokka pushes past the dull pulse in his ears. “Hey. Zuko.”

Zuko glances back up.

Sokka’s reach is slow as he gauges Zuko’s reaction. With no sign of resistance, he places his hands on Zuko’s shoulders. Zuko relaxes at the touch, so Sokka treads further and pulls him into an uncertain hug. Almost immediately, nervousness shifts into warmth, until he's more comfortable in Zuko's arms than he'd been outside them. Sokka isn’t sure how long it lasts. He isn’t sure he cares.

“I like learning more about you,” he says as they draw apart.

Zuko’s light smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

💛 What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing?

i used to treat writing so preciously and i was pretentious about it, if i wasn't shakespeare then what was the point. i still have perfectionism issues, but at least i get stuck on WIPs i have actual words down on instead of consuming every writing tip video on youtube and fantasizing. i used to not write fanfic bc i wanted the first thing i ever wrote to be "the novel of my heart" or whatever the fuck. and if i DID write a fic i wanted it to be a big multichap cornerstone of the fandom, which is the mindset i started rrob in LMAO. i would wonder why i was so much better at drawing than writing when writing was what i really CARED about. im not afraid to doodle only for myself, im not afraid to abandon drawings, im not afraid to put pencil on paper and START. every time i apply that lesson to writing it helps, but it's still hard for me to keep in practice.

Fanfic Writer Ask Game

[stilburning]

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER. REPOST DO NOT REBLOG !

NAME: fable/bren

PRONOUNS: any. all. mix it up! have fun with it!

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION:  telepathy would be dope but failing that i guess messaging here on tumblr. i did just add a discord but i'm not used to checking it

NAME OF MUSE(S): wen ning, xiangli, and lan fan are probably the ones i have the most muse for at any given time. wen qing is here but i haven't actually written much for her, and kell is my dnd-verse oc whom i included more out of love for them than any expectation that people would want to write with them.

RP EXPERIENCE/HOW LONG (MONTHS / YEARS?):  brand spankin' new! i've written meta and little odds and ends for different fandoms over the years, but this is my first time actually rp-ing.

PLATFORMS YOU’VE USED: i had a livejournal back in the day, though i didn't use it for rp. and an old friend and i used to have a dinky little chromebook we would trade back and forth as we wrote truly terrible smutty fic for each other.

BEST EXPERIENCE:  honestly the chromebook days were pretty fun, and i love going back through my own texts to see all of the #bespoke content that fawn and i have yelled at each other about. nb transfem jiang cheng my beloved creation...

RP PET PEEVES/DEALBREAKERS: i feel like i haven't really been here long enough to develop pet peeves? um. i guess the only thing is that i can take a while to write replies, bc of brain things and also just the fact that i work 50-60 hrs a week, and being pressured to write faster would be pretty not fun and anxiety-inducing for me.

FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT:   all, all, all!

PLOTS OR MEMES: i'm new to memes but i especially like the ones that let you ask for more detail about other people's muses, bc it helps me know which ones i might like to write with, and also gives me the chance to babble about my muses in ways that may not come up in plotting. but for general writing purposes, i'm much more of a plotter! i like to know the dynamic we're working with and where this particular thread is going for them- it helps me know how to write with you!

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: from me? it's probably going to be at least a little long, because i never met a sentence i didn't want to add some parenthetical asides to. from others? whatever makes them the most comfy!

BEST TIME TO WRITE: whenever my brain cooperates and i also have a computer in front of me, which coincides less often than i would prefer

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S):  *vague hand wave-y sounds* eeeeeeh i mean i have ~identity issues~ so it's pretty easy for me to get wrapped up in character's headspaces (or at least my interpretation), and i Do love to project certain things onto my muses. but overall there's none that i would say "yes, they are like me!"

TAGGED BY: @hongdiwang

TAGGING: @brushbun @farginen @titansaints (sorry if any of you have already done this! haha! i am awkward! ✌️😎)

[xplrvibes]

personally, i tend to dislike collabs bc if i’m subscribing to a channel, i’m interested to see the owner(s) of the channel and not the owner(s) and 15 other people. however, I don’t mind collabs if they add something to the video. something actually useful or interesting or historical, knowledge, it could even be a damn priest and i’d be like oh ok, cool, a new vision. i don’t even like or agree with what priests preach but it is something different, new, a different way to approach a thing that’s getting old already. it’s the same videos over and over again under different locations. i’d bet my two dollars those two haven’t even sat down to study a bit deeper about the paranormal world. i personally don’t mind stas or kat or amanda but honestly to me they add absolutely nothing. i actually get over annoyed with the dramatics. snc seem to get even worse when those three (or one of them) are around, they hype up their reactions, they hype up the editing, and in the end it’s two girls crying and being “traumatized” and one over religious girl who’s very good at conning but never substantially does or says anything that we haven’t heard before. seth and steve/haunted nights have their own content, know their stuff, feel things, see things, add stuff to the table and nate tries his best without overreacting or saying everything is scary and paranormal. i can deal with that. but it’s like… sam and colby. that’s the name of the channel. why am i getting the human trinkets too?

I totally hear that....collabs can be annoying, especially when it's people you don't know, or have any connection to. Sometimes, the collabs wind up working out, but sometimes they are a horrible bustaroo.

For example: I didn't enjoy when they collabed with that Summer girl during 25x25. It made no sense. She wasn't friends with them, she didn't come in with any prior experience or knowledge with drifting...it was awkward and weird and obviously set up by their (shared) management and was just pointless.

At least with the girls and Nate, they have an already built in friendship and comfortability with them, so the awkwardness isn't there.

The thing is- and maybe this is where my zen approach to the whole thing comes from- snc aren't professionals (no matter what bs they spew). They are youtubers who do ghost hunting content- partially because it entertains them, and partially because they fell into it in 2019, blew up doing it, and now their annoying ass fans won't let them try anything else. So, they kind of look at it from an entertainment perspective, more than a true paranormal perspective. They want people who will be entertaining on camera for youtube purposes, not necessarily historians.

And that sucks, because I am a fan of the history of places, and would love to hear more from the tour guides! But that isn't what the standard youtube audience is hungry for. Did you know that enough fans complained about how much history and backstory they were adding into the videos, that they decided to start cutting some of it out? The viewers were finding the backstory boring.

That's what they're up against.

Honestly- if snc continue on in the youtube space, they'll have to keep adding in elements that add a touch of that over the top entertainment style to their videos- friends that they have inside jokes with, or people who will freak out to the max over every little thing, is the easiest way to achieve that. Youtube audiences want to see friendgroups doing stupid shit, not necessarily top tier professional ghost hunting.

They are trying to do little things to innovate, in their own way. But, the old tried and true youtube tricks aren't going to go anywhere, at least not until they get that huge Netflix deal I've been joking about them stumbling into for the last year and a half.

[masschase]

shaunviola for the ask meme :]

Question ask meme (feel free to send more, I like this format)

YAY SHAUNVI!

When I started shipping it if I did:

Directly from tumblr! I think the first time would have been in a piece by iilovebeam though I think I saw other people's art of them too. I was just like OOH! Like I'd not really thought about it but the moment I did, I saw an interesting dynamic there.

My thoughts:

I mean I adore them. I make no secret of the fact I can sometimes end up a little bored once couples are together and there's no friction and so on. With Shaunvi there's a lot to play with. I think it was the first kind of secondary ship I decided to add to my fanfic, though I believe it wasn't the first to appear as I wrote everything so out of order.

What makes me happy about them:

They start from this place of a lot of tension established in canon, and I just love the idea of Viola having this attraction to Shaundi right off the bat but her being like... untouchable? Unavailable? Like she almost starts off a goal; a grown-up version of the more unusual girl trying to win the popular girl over as a friend, but it becomes more than that as she falls hard for her. From Shaundi's perspective there is this huge barrier though, she can't even allow herself to think about it because Viola is involved in Johnny's death. That barrier breaks in my hc when Shaundi finds out Johnny is actually alive, because that really was her sticking point above all else. From then on they start a rather intense relationship. I was going to say short but it's about a year long so short is pretty subjective. They're a bit on again off again after that; they fizzle out romantically but they remain friends and they also maintain this spark sexually.

What makes me sad about them:

Because my universe is canon obviously it's never going to work out because Viola dies 🥲 I obviously had that in mind when I decided not to have their relationship cover the whole 2016-2020 period because I think Shaundi would very much struggle to recover from that in a way my other characters who lose people have strong defences against. It also just didn't fit what I wanted for them, I wanted them intense and passionate and I think that either settles into something else or it ends.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me:

I mean I haven't actually read any fanfic that features them I don't think, I included them briefly in mine but didn't tag them as a pairing bc that would annoy me if they were tagged but not a main pairing and only in it for five seconds. Actually I wish I'd woven them into my own story in a more interesting way, but I was so far in when I came across the pairing. It kind of works though because we see Shaundi's disdain adapt quite suddenly after finding out about Johnny. I guess I wouldn't like to see anything too cheesy or boring for them? Nothing that's like love at first sight, instantly getting along when Viola joins because while canon devation is fine it would also remove a lot of what I like about them. I would accept a well written happy ever after for them! But they need some tension in the lead up. Obviously hc them however you want, this is just about what I'd personally enjoy reading! 😊

Things I look for in fanfic:

Honestly any interesting portrayal of the relationship would draw me in. I'm not super picky. I've not read fic of them but every angle I've seen for them on tumblr I've absolutely loved. Pining, angst, awkwardness, well written smut; a lot of standard things I like would work.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: 

So for main universe, Shasha (Shaundi x Asha) is something many of you know I have an interest in. I think they would have an interesting dynamic but plotting out an actual storyline for them is quite different. These things come with time for me though they just pop into my head at random times. If I don't find a route for them romantically I'd love to see them living together in a QPR type situation! I'm also a little... just a little curious about Shaundi x Kinzie. That would be more AU though, as would Shaundi x Casey. There are quite a few I can see for Shaundi.

As for Viola, main universe she's dead so I'm going to just go cracky and say Violin? Yeah I feel like some people are going to think "oh, well, you're the self-appointed ship name guy so you would", and... they have a point. 😆 It's really quite hypothetical as I don't really make anything with the afterlife, but if I did, there would have to be a heaven x hell ship. I think they'd kind of click. AU where she lives though? I'd say most likely an OC tbh. If Casey's the Boss it doesn't really fit for more than a fling type thing, but the idea of Viola x Boss really appeals to me for a more fitting Boss, because they gave her a pretty big chance in SR3 and I'd like to know what would come from that. Imagine the early days and them just being the one who's on her side, y'know? 🥲

My happily ever after for them:

So I guess in terms of what fits my mostly canon+ universe, I did have a possibility of Viola being in the pods after all due to a mix-up, very much a "here's how Shaunviola can still win" thing tbh. They could potentially be together on Ragnarok. But I guess I don't really see that theory as an actual part of my canon nowadays, and again, idk if I have a story for them there yet. If I do I'll likely share it 😊

Who is the big spoon/little spoon:

I guess I see Shaundi as the big spoon most of the time. She's the more physical of the two but it's more than that. I just think Viola has this insecurity about whether Shaundi really cares for her and always will. When Shaundi holds her it just reinforces that this is all willing and that she loves her.

What is their favorite non-sexual activity:

So in my hc they both like to dance, that's a pretty straightforward one. I can see them going out while in the "off" phase of on/off and winding up slow dancing 🥲 I think they prefer nights out over nights in but maybe they would enjoy cooking together with a bottle of wine or two. I also have an image of them cycling out of town and looking down at everything from high places. I feel like it's easier for these two to find what they really cherish about each other when there's no distractions, just peace and quiet.

[meowmeowbeepy]

A tale of how I was a poo poo pants

This weekend Ben was busy but came up so we could have an afternoon/evening date. Yay! I was happy. We had a perfectly unplanned date starting w/ La La Land that I was wanting for some reason even though I've really only been there once but had a good impression. Then we went to Hermann Park near the Med Center. It was friggin cold but lovely. The Japanese tea garden was serene, and it was just nice being outdoors I guess. I don't really remember any of it from childhood. Maybe the outdoor pavilion a little bit. Afterwards, we spontaneously went to his friends house, and I got to play with their super cute almost 2yo daughter. At this point of my life I LOVE playing with OTHER people's kids a lot :) We also just hung around and chatted a bit. Because these are Ben's friends, the process of being less awkward and more friendly and personal improves with increasing minutes of face-time. But it's a weird, unavoidable, IMPORTANT thing. Just to collect minutes and hours and place them in the bank so that we can know understand one another more casually. It goes both ways, and it's just a weird thing all couples (who don't come from the same friend circle) have to do! It is also a beautiful thing, don't get me wrong. But I am overall feeling impatient. This past time we were able to talk about both broader and smaller, personal things. I enjoyed the conversation thoroughly even tho I think Meagan must be SO tired, and I felt like we over-extended our stay. It was lovely, I liked every moment at their house. But it was indeed getting late and with Benny having to drive back to Galvy, we were going into the night a wee bit. At least that's what I was concerned about. PLUS I was hungry :) The original place we set on had a 45 min to 1.5 hr wait time. Grr. Then we tried a few other places in the 10-15 minute vicinity that all either looked more crowded outside the restaurant, didn't have parking, or only had valet parking. I was also driving and didn't do well with my own stress of deciding on the fly and being hangry. In hindsight, we could have just paid for parking. Maybe bc I know how Ben feels about downtown Houston already, I was even more irritated that things weren't working out. He didn't speak on it much and really didn't add a bit of stress to me. But I really took it away and spiraled into panic/stress/poo poo pants crankiness. Eventually, it was 9pm, and I called it. Which in hindsight I am glad bc I think it would have put him behind on Sunday if we stayed out too late. But I descended into a silent poo poo pants status, and Ben felt I was mad at him. We said goodbye in that state, and I felt guilty that we had a perfect date until I got crappy. We talked about it and said I was sorry. So all was good very quickly! But I felt like (again) Benny is so good to me. Even when I am *ruining* things, he doesn't make me feel like a bad guy. He is sad and affected by my mood which does make me feel bad bc I understand things are bad bc of me in the moment, but he is afraid that he did something wrong. Poor Benny. I must be sweeter and kinder to him. Even if it means I gotta suck my poo poo pants back up and just chill tf out

[mkfluffluv]

That's Aces!!

STEVEN GRANT X GN ASEXUAL READER

i said i was going to write my own asexual reader fic if no one did so i did just that.

feel free to request more fics, but just know that i won't write any smut

also english is not my first language, and i write my fics all in lower case and then try to add proper capitalization after but usually fail so. um. look out for those

likes and reblogs appreciated!!!

prompt : steven asks you out on a date. you blurt out that you're asexual. he's totally chill with it. plus a fluffy ending bc im a sucker for cheesy romance.

word count : 1,241

warnings : slight ooc maybe? this is literally just self indulgent fluff

masterlist

You and Steven were coworkers, both working together in the little gift shop in the British Museum.

You and him bonded over complaining about Donna's behavior and the giftshop's inaccuracies in merch, always laughing and snickering behind Donna's back whenever she was out of hearing range.

You grew to enjoy his company and also started to develop an embarrassing crush on him. and unbeknownst to you, Steven had felt the same.

After around 2 months of longing looks and heartfelt smiles, Steven had gathered enough courage to ask you out on a date to which of course, how could you not say yes?

So, now, here you are, on the date, enjoying yourself till you realized you'd forgotten an important detail about yourself that you're always sure to tell the people you date.

"I'm asexual." You randomly blurt out in the middle of Steven's rant about an Egyptian god.

Then, silence.

For a moment, you thought you had completely fucked everything up. Like, who comes out so suddenly like that in the middle of a seemingly normal conversation?! No one!

Well, no one but you that is.

'Ugh, gods, help your poor soul, and please have mercy. Let steven reject you gently.' You thought.

But of course, Steven is always full of surprises.

"That's aces!"

He stops and laughs nervously at his accidental pun.

Huh.

Well, that's certainly a first. You stare at Steven with what you could assume is a very flabbergasted expression on your face, fork still in hand and stopping mid-chew.

Steven misunderstands this expression and starts feeling around his face for any leftover crumbs of his vegan sandwich. "Do I have something on my face?" He asks.

This snaps you out of your thoughts and you slowly shake your head, still processing the situation before you. You continue to eat your food as an awkward and uncomfortable silence fills your and Steven's space.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." You look up at Steven's sweet puppy dog eyes and you feel your heart clenching in your chest at how absolutely adorable his guilty face looked. It wasn't even that he offended you, of course not, if you weren't in so much shock right now by the way Steven reacted, you would've laughed at his silly accidental joke.

"No, Steven, it's okay. I'm not uncomfortable, I'm just," you trail off, trying to find the right words to explain how you were feeling at the moment. "Surprised is all. not many of my dates react this well after hearing I won't shag them." You silently cringe at your choice of wording but Steven only smiles and nods. He opens his mouth to say something but closes it once more and shaking his head, he mutters a quiet "I'm not gonna say that," to whoever it is he talks to. You're not one to judge.

"That's alright. I have more things to worry about than um," Steven pauses then, and you notice a faint pink starting to surface on his pretty cheeks. It's the most adorable thing you've ever seen.

"You can say 'sex' around me Steven, I won't be offended." You let out an amused chuckle at the wide-eyed look that he gives you for your directness.

And then he smiles and goodness his smile could probably light up an infinite dark hole. You can't help but smile back and it seems Steven thinks the same of your smile.

The conversation flows smoothly after that, with Steven asking questions like where the line starts and ends when it comes to physical contact, and asking where you lie in the asexual spectrum. He genuinely just wants to know more about you and your sexuality and you answer his questions with a bright smile on your face. No one has ever bothered to ask you anything and this experience and Steven himself, you will promise to treasure for the rest of your life. His boyish charm reminds you of that of a golden retriever and the thought makes you smile wider if that was even possible.

After dinner, he offers to walk you home like the gentleman that he is and you refuse at first not wanting to be a bother just in case he was busy with anything and after a short pause in his step, he shakes his head and says that he doesn’t have much to do that night. So you accept his offer and start walking beside him, the back of your hands brushing against each other now and then. After a while, he offers his arm to you and you laugh at his formal gesture. You held out your hand for him to take and his brain short circuits for only a second before he takes your hand in his, his wide grin never leaving his face the whole way back to your apartment.

-

"Thank you for walking me home, Steven. You really didn't have to."

"Please, I offered. I wanted to spend at least a bit more time with you."

You feel a blush creeping up your face at his sweet words and let out a shy huff of amusement. This man is making it real hard to not fall for him. Though, you didn't seem to mind of course.

As you look into his eyes, you can't help but stare at the way he looks at you. The love and adoration contained in that gaze of his is making your heart feel so warm. It's so different than the looks that your other dates had given you. So, so very different and so, so accepting of who you are.

"I had fun," you say, not breaking eye contact. You would stare at those dark browns forever if you could.

Steven nods. "Me too."

You stop looking into his eyes and grab his hand. You then place a soft kiss to the back of it and grin triumphantly at the way Steven's face seems to turn slightly red at the gesture.

After a few more minutes of not really knowing how to say goodbye and even more eye contact, your neighbor's booming voice interrupts the wedding bells that were already ringing in your head.

"Get a room, you dorks." Janice from room 304 says, before slamming her front door closed. She had very loudly interrupted the comfortable silence that you and steven had surrounded yourselves in.

It starts with a huff of laughter from you, and one from him, and then continues to get more frantic and loud til you both were clutching at your stomach. You were laughing so noisily that you were sure Janice had come out to tell you both to shut up but you obviously wouldn't be able to hear her with how you were laughing so loud.

After maybe a few minutes, you both calmed down and what was left were only beaming smiles plastered on both your faces.

"I'll have to go back in now before Janice starts complaining again," you tell Steven, to which he reluctantly nods in understanding.

What you didn't expect him to do, however, was for him to take the palm of his hand from before and bring it up to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to it. An indirect kiss. This cheeky bastard.

He leaves then, leaving you standing there in front of your door with the tips of your ears red and a stupid grin on your face.

[salted-caramel-tea]

okay prior to Turin here's how I feel about the songs,, reasons under the cut

(link to tier maker, I added in an extra column)

S TIER

ITALY- BRIVIDI, MAHMOOD & BLANCO

- im not usually a ballad fan but this made me cry the first time I listened to it, its just so passionate !! they both have such beautiful voices and they go together so beautifully!!! I watched their Sanremo performance and it was just beautiful honest to god its in my Spotify on repeat already

UKRAINE- STEFANIA, KALUSH ORCHESTRA

- I love the way Ukraine has been combing cultural elements with modern music in Eurovision I mean we had it last year with SHUM and it just works so well!!!! that's what eurovision is about baby !!! its so catchy !!!

LATVIA- EAT YOUR DALAD, CITI ZĒNI

- im not even apologising for this its an unironic banger its at the top of my Spotify on repeat I listen to it all the time I will not stand for criticism!!! its fun and danceable and catchy and literally just iconic. I will kill myself if they don't qualify for the finals

A TIER

DENMARK- THE SHOW, REDDI

- girlboss moment !! I wasn't sure what to expect n then I thought it was a rock ballad but its just a rock song with a build up and honestly. it slapped. I love a good punk rock drummer the high energy the guitar solo yaaaas I loved it. that drummer hot too

UNITED KINGDOM- SPACE MAN, SAM RYDER

- man has a powerful voice!! im surprised at the uk this year I think we have a chance or scoring decently this year !! I haven't seen any live performance so I really hope hes able to hold up those high notes live !!!! kind of emotional, although not my favourite style of music. vaunt wait to see how they stage it !!!!

SPAIN- SLO-MO, CHANEL

- very catchy song and great performance !! its got that kind of glamorous energetic sex appeal that a lot of people expect to see in eurovision !!!! its got great potential to go viral especially on tiktok as a dance challenge or anything really

AUSTRALIA- NOT THE SAME, SHELDON RILEY

- such an amazing live performance !! such a gorgeous voice !!! its a beautiful song but you still have the sense of camp portrayed through the costuming and drama of the performance and its done so well you can see the story in the performance its just so beautiful I want to move this one up to S tier now pretend its in S tier

FRANCE- FULENN, ALVON & AHEZ

- witchy vibes, loved it, great harmonies all four of them have such gorgeous voices . the only thing I didn't like was that lone dancer she seemed a little out of place, but im willing to bet it'll look good in Turin.

SLOVENIA- DISKO, LDS

- when I first heard it I was like omg I love the vintage vibe then realised it was called disco bc its based on 70s disco bc I have no working braincells. its funky its catchy its upbeat I love it. my main man seemed a little awkward on stage Id love to see him get into it a little more but I bet they'll do great !!! love the bass line

FINLAND- JEZEBEL, THE RASMUS

- I love a good punk song no surprise its coming from Finland lmao I vibe with it it'll probably end up in a Spotify playlist

ISREAL- I.M., MICHAEL BEN DAVID

- he really did it for the girls and the gays !!!!!!! it was camp it was fun it was glamorous what's not to enjoy!! at times feels like a verse on a ru Paul song but I don't know if that subtracts from or adds to the vibe

POLAND- RIVER, OCHMAN

- lowkey didn't think id enjoy this one but I did !! its been growing on me !!!! he has a gorgeous voice and the chorus gets stuck in my head

CYPRUS- ELA, ANDROMACHE

- its not my favourite of this years entries but it gets stuck in my head from time to time and she has such great control over his voice its gorgeous

B TIER

The Netherlands- DE DIEPTE, S10

- its catchy, but its just generally not the kind of music I vive to , great ballad though

BELGIUM- MIS YOU, JÉRÉMIE MAKIESE

- extremely talented guy wow cant wait toes it live I bet if its staged right and this high notes come across well it'll be such an emotional performance, a little too slow paced for me and although he sung it beautifully I wonder what it would have been like if he optioned up after the bridge instead of staying low

AUSTRIA- HALO- LUM!X

- don't get me wrong great vocals honestly, the song itself just didn't stand out much to me . a kind of mid tier song for me.

ROMANIA, LLÁMAME, WRS

- cultural banger girls and gays edition !!!! not my favourite entry but still pretty decent nonetheless

MALTA- I AM WHAT I AM, EMMA MUSCAT

- love the theme Malta's been going with lately with the whole self love and worth stuff, but this years vaguely remind me of Disney channel or like that phase in 2015 where people would release songs about being confident or how strong they and that snot necessarily a bad thing its just. a thing.

SWEDEN- HOLD ME CLOSER, CORNELIA JAKOBS

- again didn't stand out for me much, but she has a lovely voice

C TIER

ALBANIA- SEKRET, RONELA HAJATI

-loved the instrumentals but it felt to me a little too broken up like I love a good bit of chreography but it felt more important than the vocals at times

ICELAND- MEÐ HÆKKANDI, SYSTUR

- I expected to pick up a little more than it did, and folk isn't really my favourite thing but all and all its not a bad song I get why people enjoy it

MONTENEGRO- BREATHE, VLADANA

- powerful voice its great, just too slow paced for me, the instrumentals vaguely remind me of Karma from last year, I vibe with that

GREECE- DIE TOGETHER, AMANDA GEORGIADI TENFJORD

- makings of a viral song if im honest I can see it in a few peoples Spotify playlists, just not mine really. the last chorus was beautiful that was the highlight of the song to me

CZECH REPUBLIC- LIGHTS OFF, WE ARE DOMI

- lots of potential if im honest, its just not my favourite song. nothing wrong with it, just not my style, cant wait to see how they stage it though if its staged well it'll do really well I think

AZERBAIJAN- FADE TO BLACK, NADIR RUSTAMLI

- almost reminds me of tout l'univers ?? like just a specific part I feel like it could go straight into tout l'univers. overall a good song just not for me, bound to be beautiful with staging

NORTH MACEDONIA- CIRCLES, ANDREA

- I don't really have any criticisms on this song, its just not my taste really,

GERMANY- ROCKSTARS, MALIK HARRIS

- I enjoyed it but the rap felt a little out of place, almost like a twenty one pilots song . its not bad though

CROATIA- GUILTY PLEASURES, MIA DIMSIC

- yeah decent song, just wasn't a big fan of the staging I hope they up it a bit more at Turin. what was the point of making it look like she was playing the guitar if she was just gonna stop halfway through. the slight moment she had was good, use it let her interact with the dancer more

GEORGIA- LOCK ME IN, CIRCUS MIRCUS

- I keep going back and forth over this song I don't know, It was a bit lack lustre for me but the chorus goes hard. mid tier

D TIER

SERBIA- IN COPORE SANES, KONSTRAKTA

- I had no clue what was going on this entire song why was she singing about Megan Markle's hair. is there an issue with lack of healthcare in Serbia. I didn't really get the message

ARMENIA- SNAP, ROSA LINN

- this one felt like that 2014 phase with songs like riptide and like the vamps and everything , not exactly my favourite thing . talented don't get me wrong just not my cup of tea

LITHUANIA- SENTIMENTAI, MONIKA LIU

- really just didn't catch my attention, too slow paced for me

BULGARIA- INTENTIONS- INTELLIGENT MUSIC PROJECT

- I appreciate the classic rock vibes the guitar solo went hard but at times it felt like an anime intro more than an ESC song

SAN MARINO- STRIPPER, ACHILLE LAURO

- I know everyones thinking like ohh youre a die hard måneskin fan you think hes a second rate damiano and I will say that I think there was an odd coincidence with timing but no, I recognise that Achille Lauro has been around a lot longer than Må and is a big celeb in Italy and San Marino it just feels a bit odd that he was only selected now given his status and I hope it wasn't influenced by må bc they have completely different sounds, every Italian celeb is a slut even world class chef Gino d'acampo. Was I confused at first, yes bc im not Italian and I didn't know him but I do now. anyway its d tier just bc I didn't vibe w the song that much I just didn't have any strong feelings on it

SWITZERLAND- BOYS DO CRY, MARIUS BEAR

- im sure it'll look amazing on stage but just didn't relay have any strong feelings on it

ESTONIA- HOPE- STEFAN

- lowkey avicci vibes?? just wasn't a huge fan of the western vibe it had going on but I appreciate the song

PORTUGAL- SAUDADE SAUDADE, MARO

- just wasn't enthused by it, I hope they do something with the staging in Turin it didn't really make me feel anything with them just sitting in chairs , I just didn't get a string stage presence from them

F TIER

IRELAND- THATS RICH, BROOKE

I don't have anything to say it just did not do it for me. I just didnt enjoy the live performance. if they use the staging to their advantage they could probably qualify but its just not doing it for me

NORWAY- GIVE THAT WOLF A BANANA, SUBWOOFER

- at first I thought it was funny but its starting to annoy me now lmaoo, but not a fan of the bridge and the whole banana breakdown . choreography slaps though

MOLDOVA- TRENULETUL, ZDOB SI ZDUB &FRATII ADVAHOV

- I appreciate the cultural aspect of it, just wasn't really inspired by it , cant wait to see how it'll translate onto the stage though

this took me like 2 hours its so late but im posting it anyway

[desidarling123]

Reviewing the Grishaverse Couples (Canon and Non-Canon/Alternate Universe) just because I can, here we go:

These are not based *strictly* on the books, but rather the Netflix show, which appears to have spawned ✨all the ships✨ as of late.

DISLAIMER: I don't hate any ships! And I won't tolerate any slander. Creativity is the core to all fandoms, and that's what shipping (canon or otherwise) is ultimately all about. Cool? Cool.

CANON COUPLES:

Darkling/Alina aka DARKLINA: What I came for TBH, though not necessarily what kept me watching through the end (damn you, episode 5! you got me so confused! ahhh but also corruption arc for Alina? hmmmm) Jessie and Ben have chemistry in spades, and Ben emotes well for an ancient asshat. These two have great fic potential.

Mal/Alina aka MALINA: Sweet! A little boring to me initially tbh, but much better on rewatch. They are each other's safe haven, and there's something really lovely about that. I like them together.

Kaz/Inej aka KANEJ: GOD TIER. THEY'VE RUINED EVERYTHING ELSE FOR ME. NOTHING EVEN COMES CLOSE. THE FUCKING PINING BITCH. HE LOVES HER. SO SO MUCH. 1000000000/10.

Full disclosure: I came for Darklina, but stayed for Kanej. And, at this rate, will happily suffer countless seasons where the most they do is maybe hold hands but also Netflix please let them heal their trauma together and kiss at least once for my poor shipper heart PLEASE

Nina/Matthias aka HELNIK: They're cute. Almost a little too on-the-nose with the tropes for me, personally, but the actors make it work.

Jesper/Stable Boy: Honestly? Good for Jesper. The only person on the show who actually managed to get laid onscreen. He deserves it.

Genya/David: Also very cute, though they don't necessarily occupy much brain space. I like that David is this awkward little dork but he's just. So good for Genya. It's very pure and she really needs that.

Darkling/Zoya: Zoya, baby, you deserve better. That said, I wish the show had explored their backstory a bit more. These two would clearly put the T in toxic (Aleksander largely being the one to blame here, of course).

Ivan/Feydor: As someone else put it, these two can be summarized simply by -- be gay and do crimes. They're real cute. If only they weren't Team Darkling.

NON-CANON/ALTERNATE UNIVERSE:

AKA time for some ✨multishipper controversy✨

Darkling/Inej aka DARKEJ: I am extremely biased since I've written for them, but honestly? I would like to convert you all. This pairing has POTENTIAL. The sinner and the saint, the immortal and the ordinary. Also they both have this elegant, shadowy grace to them. Bonus points? Kaz getting a whiff of this nonsense and meticulously planning how to cut up Aleksander into a million tiny little pieces lol.

Darkling/Kaz aka DARKAZ: Sexy. So so sexy. Not in a physical sense (for obvious reasons' on Kaz' end, unless you go AU with that aspect, too) but more a battle of brains. Would inevitably end with Kaz slitting the Darkling's throat, somehow as he should, lmao.

Kaz/Alina aka KAZALINA: I didn't understand this, initially. They barely interacted and Kaz seemed more the type to drag Alina by the kefta than woo her. However, I saw a bunch of people on TikTok attacking someone who made a fantastic AU video edit, (and by a bunch I mean at least two attack videos amassing 10K+ likes total) -- so now I ship it purely out of spite, LOL. It only works in an AU where Inej doesn't exist or Kanej is somehow still endgame, but you know what? The saint and the nonbeliever has some potential. I dig it.

Kaz/Jesper aka KESPER: There's some basis for it in the books. I do prefer them as friends (and come on! Wylan!) but again, I get it.

Jesper/Inej: I... want whatever y'all are smoking bc it must be AMAZING (I kid, I kid). While I can't fully claim to understand it, I love both characters, want nothing but the best for them, and am not entirely opposed to it given the right premise. And Jesper did say he'd kill a man for Inej pretty much without hesitation...

Kaz/Jesper/Inej: OT3 vibes. I haven't read anything with these three just yet but I think, done right, it could be absolutely perfect.

Inej/Alina: I feel like Inej's piety would actually get in the way of a true relationship but I think it's cute as a one-sided crush, Inej on Alina.

Mal/Inej: This one is probably the most random of the Inej ships, but I'm team "Give Inej All The Love" so I'll let this one slide. Also, Amita and Archie low-key have crazy chemistry off-set so again. I get it.

Mal/Kaz: ... does this even exist? Lol I think Mal would definitely drive Kaz up the goddamn wall

Mal/Darkling: Objectively hilarious to me on several counts LMAO (that fight scene at the end of episode 8 PLS). BUT there's a fine line between love and hate... maybe it's not Alina they were after but each other all along

Alina/Genya: Again, god-tier. Also, makes Genya's later betrayal of Alina extra tasty in my opinion. So yeah, add in a dash of heartbreak why not?!?

Alina/Zoya: Enemies to lovers excellence. Though Zoya clearly has some internalized self-hatred to work through (baby WHAT was that half-breed comment?), I don't hate it. Maybe some day...

[liesoverthec]

Hi B! Hope you're doing great! Do you have a theory why Eddie didn't tell Buck about the will sooner? Do you think he was waiting for "the right moment"?

Personally, I think, he was scared to put to much pressure on him. But then Buck said the things he said in the hospital and Eddie was like "you know what, I gotta put a stop to this".

Much love xx

Hi Sam! 💛 I'm going through a couple of major life changes right now which are just, eating up all of my time and none of it is bad, but it’s why I’m so late getting back to you on this (although pls do not let it stop you from coming in my inbox! I love chatting w you and anyone else I just might have really slow response times for a couple weeks!) how are you???

Okay so I tend to start coming at this from a set/details/cast point of view and my thoughts on it are - Eddie is just. SO MUCH FUCKING SOFTER in s4 around Buck. Like he's always been heart eyes McGee, but the depth and the level of love he has for Buck is just astoundingly deeper. I could pull so many receipts on myself where around 4x04 I’m just?? baffled at how much softer Eddie is and I have no idea why (JOKES ON ME, P SURE IT WAS THIS). So I think the writing room told R.G. that something was going on with Eddie. I don't think the reason Eddie held off was bc the writers themselves didn't know. I'm not entirely sure if they knew it was a WILL that changed things, but I think they made an active choice to change Eddie's actions towards Buck to be more romantic, and softer, bc they knew Eddie was going to hold onto something big with Buck, which culminated in the guardianship-in-case-of-tragedy reveal end of s4, when they thought it would fit best for BOTH Eddie and Buck.

And then emotionally, I DO agree with you on that Eddie didn't want to put that pressure on Buck. I think it started bc basically as soon as Eddie has a chance to decide he’s going to do this legal mumbo jumbo guardianship change, Buck starts freaking out about Red. And Eddie, I think, was simultaneously like, ‘okay I know Buck CAN turn this down but he won’t, and he’s dealing w a lot right now so I’m not going to add this on’ and also ‘I’m going to wait to tell him til it’s final, so that he knows I’m not going to back out of this, it’s a done deal’, and probably also ‘I’ve never been this emotionally intimate with another person literally in my entire life, I have to give myself a chance to build up to it’.

And then before it’s done, they meet Abby again. And Eddie is NOT the sort of person to be explicitly personal at work - he’ll talk around his personal issues, eg talking to Brian during Jinx, but he doesn’t really come right out and pull a Chim or Buck and tell people all about his life. So he’s not about to open up in front of SAM of all people and tell Buck why he can’t risk his life recklessly like that.

But then after that, Buck settles into this period where he actually ISN’T being risky. He explicitly tells Bobby he’s okay now, and it’s absolutely reasonable of Eddie to assume he got closure and he wasn’t looking for validation through danger any more. Hell, Buck even gets a therapist! (Which side note - we never see Buck tell ANYONE Dr Copeland’s name, not even Chim and Maddie when he talks about it, but Eddie knows it in 4x04! So I like to think that while they were quarantining together, Buck told Eddie he was going to see a therapist, and that’s why EDDIE never teases him about his “lady friend” on screen okay side rant done lolllllllllll) So I think at this point, to Eddie, it’s awkward to say anything NOW it’s been so long, and besides he himself isn’t going die anytime soon it’s not a big deal right? (WRONG EDMUNDO).

And of course, Buck does risk his life in Buck Begins/factory fire, but it was really only dangerous bc HE didn’t know where he was, and he couldn’t get them out. It wasn’t as scary I think, to the rest of the 118, bc they could go get him - they had time to do that, so I don’t think Eddie really thought of that as Buck risking his life so like, he can keep this to himself still right? (Um sure I guess but like - EDDIE MY MAN!!!)

And then after that Buck still isn’t risking his life, and nothing crazy has been happening w the 118 - I think if the bomber had been the s4 plot, then I think Eddie would have told him earlier, bc Eddie would have KNOWN that someone was killing people at random in the city, but no one had any idea the sniper was a thing, so Eddie just kept going, keeping it a secret.

Because at this point, I think Eddie has at least a small inkling of his feelings for Buck. Giving your best friend your KID is a really big deal, and I’ve seen several posts talking about the fact that it’s basically a love confession. For anyone else sure it might just be a matter of paperwork, but for EDDIE - that was him giving his heart to Buck. And I think he just wasn’t ready to have that conversation with anyone, esp given the fact that he has the safety net of KNOWING Buck won’t give Christopher up. If Eddie died, and Buck found out that way, it would be awful for Buck - but it wouldn’t be something that could make Buck give Christopher up, so Eddie *technically* didn’t even have to tell Buck.

So TLDR - I think it started as Eddie not wanting to pressure Buck before it was official, ESP since he was panicking about his place in his family’s lives. But then I think it changed into ‘well he’s being safe, I’m not in danger, oh shit this is a Big Deal™ actually, I’ll tell him when I’m ready’ and the sniper ending up forcing Eddie to be ready - both bc Eddie almost died AND bc Buck was acting stupid again.)

Sorry if that was like, 10x more word vomit than you wanted - I just think this show is fantastic at giving characters complex emotional journeys and reasonings without having to be explicit about it, and I can’t just sum that in one paragraph I guess 😂

Lots of love to you Sam!!!!

🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝

[warriors-but-cats-die]

disabilities, gender, and injuries

awkward title bear with me.

so i have three things i desire to fix: disabilities, gender (and sexuality), and injuries. i'm not satisfied with how i handled ANY of those last round.

gender proves...

uncertain. most sources say around 1% of the population identifies as trans. i am going to hesitantly try this number, rolling a d100. actually, it's going to be 2%, because 99 will be nonbinary and 100 will be binary trans.

(yes, this is MASSIVELY simplifying matters.)

i feel happy with this method of handling things, for now. nonbinary cats will be listed simply as "cat" in allegiances. other trans cats...won't be listed?

sorry. i refuse to do single them out. i am a trans person and i enjoy trans cats in warriors as a form of escapism, where transphobia doesn't exist and everyone knows their gender young without any painful periods of questioning. i'm aware that's not representative of real experiences: i do not care.

i have not yet decided if i will answer questions about the gender identity of cats.

but sometimes surrogacy & etc. arrangements will be announced, and i will allow you to draw your conclusions from there.

as for sexuality.

god okay so i hate researching these statistics bc it feels like SUCH a landmine, but the poll wikipedia used really confusingly has trans in the same category as sexualities, which means i don't know how to interpret the results.

buuut working roughly, we'll say roll a d10, with a 10 being queer. i'll then flip a coin over gay or bi.

(yes again this is not representative of the many ways of being queer. please. i am playing a cat simulator with myself using random number generators. i am doing my best.)

last but certainly not least, to get the a-spectrum on here, we'll add another d100. for the purposes of simplification, ace cats will be off the table for having mates, because mates in wbcd are solely for the purposes of having kits.

(yes ace people can and do have children. i am doing my best.)

again, this will not be formally listed anywhere.

okay, next up: disability.

this is related to injury but i want to figure this part out first.

what i want to do here is set-up a framework for disabilities, and as i learn and research more, i can slot more and more specific situations in. i can't pretend to make a good list of every disability a cat could have, and i don't want to. it feels very counterproductive.

so what i've done is research some lists of categories of disabilities, with my plan being to fit specifics into those categories.

first, one in four adults have a disability, so that's one in four cats born in wbcd.

(yes some disabilities are acquired we're getting there, 1 in 4 is an easy number to generate and i'd rather overrepresent than underpreresent.

the list i am MOST happy with, in terms of categories, is: vision, mobility, auditory, neurological, cognitive, medical, and physical.

for right now, we will be selecting off of that list with even odds.

whether or not it gets mentioned in allegiances will be up to fate.

ALRIGHT, last up: injuries (and illnesses). the plan is to use the same list as before for injuries and illnesses with permanent and/or long lasting effects. the two questions are:

how often? and how long?

for how often,

i didn't find any numbers that felt workable, so i decided to do some thinking. i think, and this might sound a little strange, but i think at the beginning of every year, i'm going to roll a d4 for each clan, and that's the total number, and then i'll distribute those throughout the seasons.

for how long,

basically the problem here is some things take time to recover from and i wasn't really handling that at all.

so.

things that are recoverable will be assigned a behind-the-scenes end date. with my new and improved cat tracking system, i feel this is a logical way to handle it.

alright. that was a lot that i had to sort through, but i'm pretty happy with these methods, and i hope they lead to a more representative wbcd.