#I don’t know why she’s in a position to work with people bc she literally cannot work with people

[sweetest-honeybee]

Ooooh the fact your manager hasn't gotten fired yet tells me that she's fucking someone higher up, back when I was a hostess we had a guy that was always no call no show, got into shouting matches with the cooks, etc. Only reason he never got fired? We all soon found out he was fucking our manager

LMAO I’d agree if she wasn’t literally ancient 😂

[onlystylesangels]

Silent Struggles

Anon: I might have a request … :) so what if harry found fem!Y/N’s pack of cigarettes and he didn’t know she smoked bc she never mentioned anything and he talks to her bc he’s concerned?/ Anon: H's girl seems to be acting off and he confronts her and it turns out she's been dealing with some depression and anxiety and she's been to scared to let anyone in or... reader seems to be going through something and hasn't told anyone about it and starts smoking cigarettes; dealing with her problems alone.

Warnings!!!: talks about anxiety, talks about depression, smoking, fluff, Harry being a supportive boyfriend, reader feeling insecure

A/N: Hello!!!! I know it's been a very long time since I have posted a new Harry writing. But here it is, lovies! I hope you enjoy this one. !!!***Before you read I want to start by saying that you are loved and you're precious to this world. I love you, yeah, you the lovely person that's reading this. I care about you and there are so many people around you that care for you too. Please if you're going through something, don't fight alone. Please tell someone what you're going through. Please be safe. -A <3

It happened as always. At night you would wake up from a nightmare, open the drawer from your nightstand and rummage for your new pack of cigarettes, the plastic wrapper still intact. You took two cigarettes out and grabbed your lighter. You walk into the balcony and start the fire. You inhale a sharp breath and let out the hollowing contents of nicotine. It felt nice. Feeling the nightly fresh air hit your exposed arms, goosebumps adorning your skin as you puff out smoke from your mouth. It happened as always, as a freshly new night routine. 

The next morning you woke up with the bitter taste of nicotine filling your senses and feeling a bit dizzy when you sat up from bed. You quickly grab your phone and look at the time. It was already 9am and you were positive that you were going to be running late to the local bookstore. 

So, you take a shower and put on clothes that may or may not have matched together to create a decent outfit, but fuck it. You were about to be late so you had to work with what you had. You quickly dashed to the kitchen and prepared a quick breakfast and made sure to message Harry. 

“Hi bubba! I’m heading out to work. I’ll see you later today, okay? Love you.”

“Sounds good, love. I love you too. Make sure to drink enough water!” 

Harry, always the caring type. You loved that about him. Having a person loving you for you and always making sure that you were doing okay was one of the blessings that you took for granted. If only it were that easy to show that same love to yourself.   

“Richie! Did you get a chance to call Davy? His favorite book just came in and he had first dibs on the book” You shout out to your coworker who always seems to be too busy to work as he is sitting at the back corner of the bookstore, scrolling through his phone. Pesky phones, fucking culprits of rotting out your brain.  

“Haven’t gotten a chance, Y/N. Why don’t you call ‘em?” Richie sends you a head nod and immediately looks down at his phone. Fucking twat.

You roll your eyes and walk towards the front desk and call Davy. But before you start pushing down the buttons on the phone you see someone come in.

“Hey Y/N! Has that book come in here yet?” The man of the hour. Davy, the active reader and loyal customer of the Blues Blues Bookstore. 

“Hey there, Davy. I was literally just about to call you. I got that book reserved here for you. Hold on.” 

You walk towards the back of the store and retrieve the book that had a bookmark with his name plastered on it. You walk towards the entrance and hand it to him. He quickly takes the book in his hands and begins turning the pages. 

“I love it! Thank you again, Y/N! Glad I got here as quickly as possible.” 

You turn towards the computer and begin typing away, clearing the book for Davy.

“My pleasure, Davy. Just make sure to always come back. You’re keeping us in business, remember?” You joke, making Davy laugh and giving you an eye roll.

“Yeah, yeah. I recommended some people to come by to the store. Not sure if they found their way in yet.”   

“Haven’t seen any new faces lately. I would ask Richie, but that twat doesn’t do anything here, so I guess no new customers.”

“Hmm, you should bring that up to Daya. I’m sure she’ll fire the guy.”

Firing Richie, tsk, that guy is literally family to Daya. Even if you tell her that Richie doesn’t do anything in the store she’ll find a way to defend him and tell you off. There is no way that you would ever start a conversation regarding firing Richie to Daya; she’ll never believe or listen to you. 

“We’ll see.” Is all you say as Davy puts his new book in his satchel.

“I’ll see you around, Y/N.” Davy says as he starts walking towards the doors. “Oh, and tell that boyfriend of yours hi. I haven’t seen that English man in a while.” 

You smile at the thought of him bringing up Harry. 

“Yeah, no problem. I’ll tell him you said hi. See you Davy.” You wave goodbye to him as he does the same. 

During your break time you try to sneak in some time to smoke a cigarette and make sure that the door you come out from is shut tightly. You feel dumb for hiding your recent cigarette intake from people, but then again, people see you as the nicest and innocent person on earth. Yeah, sure. But you kept thinking about the deadline. Your personal deadline that you set yourself to meet someone at the law college that you have been researching on. 

For a couple of months now you’ve been thinking about applying to a local law college in your city and were afraid to continue the process. You continuously had non-pep talks about how you would be a terrible law student and that you may not make it to getting accepted into the college. This and telling anyone about it was just too much for you to handle. You didn't even tell Harry yet. You knew why you didn’t want to tell anyone; you didn’t want to burden them with your problems. Problems that you knew were affecting you mentally and emotionally. 

= = = 

After the break you couldn’t stop the thoughts running through your mind. The mere thought of reaching out to the law school representatives and going to that mandatory interview to see if you were worth being a candidate for their college was already too much to think about. And so you continue your work in the bookstore. Putting new books up on the shelves and welcoming customers into the bookstore. Parents accompanied with their children as you reach for the candy jar under the front desk to offer to the children. You liked your job at the bookstore, but you felt like you needed a change of scenery, especially after working there for four years. And the thought of leaving this job and trying something new frightened you.

A couple of minutes before you were off. There was a ding heard at the entryway.

“Sorry, we’re closed. You can come by tomorrow at-” You look up from the front desk and notice that it’s Harry. Carrying a bouquet of flowers in his hands. His hair started to grow from the buzz cut he got months ago. Gray trousers and loose fitting t-shirt that was starting to rip at the neckline. You told him to throw that shirt away but he always replied by saying that it was his lucky shirt. Did you believe him? Of course not, but if he claims it is his lucky shirt then it’s his lucky shirt.

“Harry!” You run towards him ignoring the stack of books that were in front of you that needed price tags. 

Harry smiles and hugs you back as he kisses your cheek. “Hi, my love.” You walk back a bit and finally take notice of the bouquet of flowers in his hands. 

“And these?” 

“Oh, I got ‘em for Richie. You know that marvelous coworker of yours,” He lies through his teeth, your eyes rolling at the mention of his name. He notices your change of mood and lifts your chin with his thumb. “Hey, lovie. I’m joking. These are for you. I saw them at the local flower shop and thought that you would like ‘em.” Your lips start curving into a smile and you give him a kiss on the lips.

“Thank you, Harry,” you smell the flowers and softly touch the flower petals, “They’re gorgeous.”

“You’re welcome, my love.” Harry follows you as you go towards the backroom. Retrieving your things and ready to call it a day at the bookstore. 

“Ready?” Harry asks you. You smile in response and immediately grab his hand as he leads you both to the exit. You lock the doors to the bookstore and leave walking hand-in-hand with Harry.

You reach your apartment and unlock the door to your little home. You walk in along with Harry and make your way to the sink and grab a vase under the sink cabinet. Harry watches you as you fill the vase with water and stick the flowers in it; he admires your acts and just leans his weight on the kitchen island and stares at you as if you were this beautiful undiscovered galaxy. 

You catch him staring and you get shy all of a sudden. You get a bit self-conscious, but then that feeling goes away when Harry walks towards you and cups your cheeks. 

“You’re so pretty, Y/N.” You feel your cheeks get hot and you quickly turn your head away from his gaze; not even hiding the smile that you had. Harry chuckles and swiftly turns your head back to his gaze. “Don’t hide from me, love. It’s just me.” Harry teases, the back of his hand smoothly running down your cheek. 

“You make me nervous, Harry.” You confess, “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to you making me shy.” 

Harry picks you up and walks towards the couch. He keeps you on his lap as you continue hiding away from him. You both have been dating for over a year and so you must’ve at least gotten used to all those times that Harry gets you all flustered, but you haven’t yet. It’s like falling in love with him for the first time. That’s how you feel right now. Your body is so close to his and his arms wrapped around your body as he just holds you. Appreciating your presence; he held you in strong arms as if he was afraid to let you go. And he was.

For the rest of the evening you both order takeout from two different restaurants because you were craving two of your favorite foods. Harry happily ordered from the two restaurants as he left you in an excited mess. Excited that you were finally going to eat those foods that you craved for so long. The food doesn’t take long for it to arrive at the apartment and so you and Harry eat on the couch and watch some movies to pass the time. You both joke around about the characters from the movie that you were both watching and made the night pleasant. 

As the night went along, you were laughing along with Harry and enjoying being in each other’s company. You wished you could be there on the couch all night, but you were starting to yawn and your eyes starting to droop from how sleepy you were. Harry noticed and turns off the tv and grabs your hand and leads you both to your bedroom. He lets you go into the bathroom first to start your night routine as he lies down on the bed scrolling on his phone. 

You walk out the bathroom and stand over the bed and lean down to meet Harry’s eyes. He plops his phone down on his stomach and you take this opportunity to kiss his pink lips. 

“Mm, I don’t want to shower anymore.” He whines in between kisses. You chuckle and grab both of his hands and try your best to lift your boyfriend up from the bed. Jeez, you weren’t an active gym-rat, but from just lifting up his body you felt like you did a whole workout.

“Damn, Harry.” You swipe a hand over your forehead. Harry laughed in response. 

“My bones are heavy, love.” He simply responds as he walks towards your dresser and opens up his designated drawer that has some of his clothes in it. “Be right back, lovie.” He looks behind him and sees you starting to make yourself comfortable on your side of the bed. 

“Don’t take too long.” You respond

“I’ll try not to.” He walks to the bathroom with a new pair of clothes hanging on his shoulder. He leaves the door open; the showerhead turning on.

A couple of minutes pass and Harry walks back into the bedroom; drying his hair as best as he could. It was easier for him to dry it now that it was shorter. You lift up the bed covers inviting him inside the warm cocoon. You both lie together, Harry spooned you from behind and as you brought one his arms up to your chest. You both fall asleep into a quiet slumber. 

But you wake up after a couple of hours. You didn’t even bother to check the time as you opened your eyes and slowly removed Harry’s arm from hugging your body. You sit up and walk towards your bedside drawer; already knowing your nightly routine. You grab the pack of cigarettes that were hidden under some of your favorite books and miscellaneous items that you kept forgetting to get rid of. You also get a lighter that was stashed inside your purse and go outside to the balcony.

The butt of the cigarette blazes to life as you take a breath in of the substance and slowly let a breath out. Your thoughts once again start to disappear with every intake of breath you take. It numbed them, made them disappear, but only temporarily. You knew that smoking was making your lungs get sore and your nose wrinkling still not getting used to the smell of the smoke, but you didn’t care at that moment. It numbed everything, it numbed your problems and it made everything feel-- better.

As you continued puffing out air of smoke you continued looking up at the sky, stars aligning the horizon randomly. With each puff of smoke you felt the anxiety slowly go away. You were almost down to the brim of the cigarette, so you could comfortably go back to sleep. Once you were about to inhale one last breath of nicotine you heard footsteps making its way towards the balcony. You freeze and hold the cigarette in your  fingers, bringing your hand to your side. 

“Y/n?” Harry says as he rubs the sleepiness out of his eyes. “What are you doing out here, it’s la-” He stops himself once he notices what’s in your hand. He looked confused, he didn’t know you smoked. 

“Harry.” You reply. The cigarette is still in between your fingers, burning away. 

“I- I didn’t know you smoke.” Harry begins slowly walking towards you, concern sketched in his eyes.

You look down at the cigarette that continues to burn away and you feel tears start welling up in your eyes. You bring the cigarette up in front of you and stomp it on the floor, watching as the smoke starts consuming your nose. Regret. Regret is what you were feeling as you turned to Harry’s presence, his demeanor causing you to feel like a deer in front of headlights. You’re sorry. Sorry that you never told him that you picked up smoking because of not having anything else to control your anxiety. 

“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t know what else to do.” 

Harry runs to you and embraces you with all his might. “Oh love. Come here.” You snuggled into his embrace and began crying. You held onto his arms so tightly that you were clutching onto him afraid of him letting go. Letting you go.

“I was scared. I just wanted to help… myself.” You mutter.

Harry held you as he ran his hands down your back. He would occasionally massage your head. “I promise you baby, I am going to be here for as long as you want me to, then you can let me in and help you.” He held onto you tightly and he kissed the side of your face. Harry let you cry on his chest as he rubbed your back soothingly, trying best to comfort you.

“I just felt alone.”  

Harry steps back a bit and looks you in the face, concern written all over his green irises. He held your hand in his and met your eyes filled with tears.“You have me, darlin’.” Harry said, his fingers lightly brushing away the stranded tear on your cheek. “I’m right here, Y/N.” He reassures you. Bringing you close to his body again.

“I’m so sorry, Harry. I’m sorry.” You let out, Harry cupping your cheeks trying to calm your nerves. 

“Hey, hey. It’s okay. You have nothin’ to apologize for, lovie.” He looks at your bloodshot eyes. Seeing you sad like this he felt broken. Broken that he didn’t know how to make you feel better, broken because he hated seeing you without a smile on your face. Broken that he wasn’t aware that you were hurting. “Is it okay if I ask what’s going on?” He said with a soft voice. 

“I– I just been sad and overthinking, okay.” You let out, your hands coming up to cover your face. You felt ashamed, as if a parent just witnessed the most disappointing act from their child. You hated feeling insecure in your own skin; you felt worse that it was Harry that was looking down at you with concern in his eyes and his body weight shifting to softly take your hands in his and seeing your face. 

“Hey, hey. Y/N, baby, you’re scaring me. What are you sad about,” Harry steps back a bit giving you room to speak and mostly giving himself self-control from forcing you to share what’s been making you sad. “Baby, I’m right here, okay. It’s just me.” 

You slowly turn your head away from his gaze and look at the sky. Your hands no longer covering your flushed face, but now twiddling with your shirt, Harry’s shirt. You feel bad that you now created droplets of tears on the collar of his favorite shirt. 

“I just have been dealing with a lot of negative thoughts and I just… sniffle… I didn’t want you to worry about me.” Your hands constantly were moving from your face down to your shirt. Harry catches your little antics and walks towards you, slowly, making sure that he has a good distance between you two before he starts again.

“Y/N. I had no idea that you were going through something. I had the feeling that you were acting a bit different, but never thought that something was affecting you,” He waits for your permission to come in closer and so he takes no time and has his hands cupping your cheeks. Tears staining your beautiful cheeks that he so dearly loved taking his time in kissing and feeling your soft skin against his ring-clad fingers. “I wished I knew you were going through something.” He confessed, sensing a feeling of regret that he felt for not seeing the signs of you feeling depressed and not being your energetic-self. Now as he looks back, he noticed your change of behavior. Being a bit more reserved, but still communicating with him which led him not sensing a shift of you. 

 “You always told me that it was your period messin’ with ya mood. I was so stupid to believe that. Baby, I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you.” 

It’s true. You shared to him that the past couple of months when he would suggest going out to shopping outlets and going out for dinner you would simply reply that you weren’t in the mood to go out in public. That your period was getting the best of you and drained your energy. It was true that you had bad days when you were on your period, but you made him believe that it was your menstrual cycle being the culprit of you feeling drained. 

“I’m sorry, Harry.” You cried out, his hands holding your head as he hugged your frame and landed kisses on your head. 

“It’s okay. I know now that you haven’t been feeling good. Jus’ let me help you, yeah?” Harry looks down at you, your eyes bloodshot as a soft smile creeps up on Harry’s lips. You follow suit and slowly mimic a smile back. 

Harry leads you back to the bedroom and lets you sit on the edge of the bed. “‘M going to start a bath for you. Is that okay?” 

You nod in agreement and he starts turning on the bath faucet, making sure that the water is warm enough to calm your body and hopefully make you feel a bit better. As he is sure that the water is at the right temperature he comes back to the bedroom where you are still sitting on the bed. He kneels in front of you and looks up at you, his hands running up and down your arms gently. 

“The water is almost ready for ya. I’m gonna get those bath bombs you like so much and light up some candles.” He says, reaching towards your head and landing a kiss on your forehead. You softly smile at his action and continue looking at his beautiful eyes that you could never get tired of looking at. 

He goes back to the bathroom and takes a blueberry muffin scented bath bomb and throws it inside the bathtub as he watches the water fizzle and quickly change into a dark blue hue. He then lights up a couple of candles and sets them on the sink cabinet.

He comes back to the bedroom and Harry motions for you to stand up and you do and follow behind him making your way to the bathroom. He’s about to leave you alone in the bathroom for you to get undressed, giving you privacy.

You quickly reach towards his hand and he stops from walking out the bathroom. He looks back at you waiting for you to say something. 

“Stay, please.” You mutter softly. His hand slowly intertwines with yours as he shuts the door behind him and walks towards you. Nodding in agreement as he follows suit and starts undressing. You motion for him to help you unclasp your bra and he quickly does it with ease. 

You step into the warm water and instantly feel the water relieving your tired muscles. You didn’t even realize how tense your muscles were. Harry then follows you and lands both feet on the warm bathtub. He lies down first and motions for you to lie down against his chest. You carefully situate your body close to his and feel his thick thighs wrap around your own legs, his arms wrapping around your mid area. Your breasts touching his forearms. Your skin sinking into the warm embrace of the scented water as you shiver, goosebumps trailing on your skin yet again from the cool air coming from the bathroom. Harry cups his hands into the water and brings it up to splash water on your chest and remaining skin that has yet to make contact with the warm water. You smile from his gentle mannerisms as you lean back into his chest, your head cradling on top of his chest. You look up at him as he smiles down at you, dimples on full display. 

Harry kisses the top of your head and you close your eyes and smile in response. His soft touches always make you feel relaxed.

“You want to talk ‘bout it?” Harry asked, his hands making small circles on your belly.  

“No. But I need to talk about it,” You reply, holding onto his free hand that’s holding onto the tub. “I’ve been meaning to tell you that I have been thinking about going back to school. Law school.” You confess, playing with Harry’s fingers and tracing his knuckles.

“That’s exciting, love. I’m happy that you’re thinking about going back to school.” He soothes your belly some more. 

You turn your head just enough to catch his gaze. “Yeah, but I know how much you want to move in together. I want to move in together too, but law school isn’t cheap.” 

“We’ll figure it out together. I can always pick up extra shifts at the tattoo parlor and maybe sell some of my songs on the side.” Harry assures you. 

“But, I don’t want you working too hard for my sake. That’s one of the reasons why I was afraid to tell you this.” You turn your attention back to Harry’s freehand and continue tracing his knuckles. 

Harry catches this and softly tilts your head so he could see your eyes. “Hey, lovie. We’re in this together. If you have dreams of your own I will stand by you and help you achieve those dreams. We’re a team, yeah?” 

You smile up at him. Tears slowly start to blur your vision. You have always been like this. When new problems would arise you would shut-off, you wouldn’t tell anyone about what you were going through and it was hard for you to ask for help. You were that friend that always told people to reach out to you if they were going through something, but that’s the exact thing that you don’t do. Leaving yourself to fend for yourself; self-sabotaging yourself. 

You look away and land your hands on your knees, feeling tears starting to slide down your cheeks again. “I feel like such a loser. Why is this small thing bothering me so much?” You quietly say. 

Harry shifts his body just enough so he could see the state that you’re in. He moves a couple of your wet strands away from your face and tucks it behind your ear. “Hey, don’t call yourself that. You’re not a loser. You’re my beautiful girlfriend who's the strongest person I’ve ever known.” 

Pfft. “Strong?” You repeat, feeling an urge of disgust with yourself. 

“Hey, whatever you’re feeling, we’ll get through it together. You’re strong for sharing what you’re going through.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, Harry.” You turn your head and stare at his eyes. Wanting to feel his lips against yours.

“It’s okay, baby.” He kisses your shoulder and notices how your gaze looks at his lips. He meets your eyes and leans close to kiss your lips. You wrap your arms around his neck, bringing his body closer to yours, feeling his body heat. Your arms run down his tattooed arm and leave his lips wishing for more as you start kissing his swallows on his chest. 

He brings your face close to his. “We’ll do this together, lovie. I promise.” He says through kisses, kissing every crevice of your face, making you smile from his facial hair tickling your skin. 

As you two finish up bathing and drying your bodies and changing into clean clothes; you started to feel better. You weren’t sure if it was because you finally told Harry what you were going through, or if it was because you had Harry with you being that only person to see you at your lowest and comforting you. You didn’t know, but you felt good.

You both get ready for bed. Harry finishes brushing his teeth and putting a serum on his face that you recommended him to try. You lay down on the bed waiting for Harry to walk into the bedroom. He discards his shirt and throws it somewhere in the bedroom. Thinking about that in the morning he’s going to be looking for that garment all morning. The thought of it makes you smile. 

Harry walks to the bed and lies down. He motions you to climb on him and you do as you carefully situate one of your legs to be between one his legs. You look at him to check if he looks comfortable.

“Is this okay?” You asked, he nods and slides a hand under your shirt, his hand running up and down your back. He kisses the crook of your neck. You lie your head on his chest and hear his heart beating in a steady rhythm. With the thumping of Harry’s heart you begin drifting off into sleep. 

“Goodnight, lovie.” Harry whispers to you. But you were already out. Harry takes it as a clue that you have already called it a night when you didn’t respond back. He smiles to himself and continues running his hands over your back, feeling your body relax to his soft touch.

That night was the first night that you felt good, happy even. You felt relieved, this was one of the first nights that you slept through the whole night. You didn’t wake up to a nightmare clouding your unconscious mind. You had Harry next to you, hugging your body, feeling his warm breath hit the crevices of your neck, feeling his arms wrapped around you as if you were his only safe haven.

The next day…

“You want me to be there with you while you fill out the college application?” Harry asks you as he takes a sip of his tea. 

You hold the mug of freshly brewed coffee and smell the vanilla hazelnut creamer and instantly making you melt. 

“You would do that?”

“Of course. I want to be in every step of the college process, if you let me.”

“I would love that, Harry.” You smile as you set down your mug. 

“Okay, my love,” Harry kisses the top of your head and whispers "I love you” to you. “I’m going to get something for us to eat. I’ll be right back.” He takes his wallet and spare keys into one hand and leans towards you where you sit in the kitchen island. “Kissy?” 

Kissy. A cute little phrase that you would both ask each other to ask for permission for a kiss. A phrase that started since you two were dating for five months. A little phrase that was childish, but you both didn’t care. It was cute. 

You smile up at him. As you took another sip of your coffee, then another one. Teasing Harry as a pout started to appear on his face. He then started blinking his eyes furiously making you stop drinking from your mug. He got you there.

“Kissy.” You lean over to him and kiss him. You cup his cheek and run your freehand into his hair. He moaned into your touch making you smile in response. 

“I’ll be back, yeah?” 

“Okay. I love you Harry.” 

“I love you.” 

He walks out the door with his spare keys being the only thing you hear as he makes his way down the corridor. Leaving you alone with your mug of coffee half-way filled in front of you. You walk to the living room and grab the laptop that was on top of the coffee table and bring it back to the kitchen island. You set it there and wait. You stare at the black screen of the laptop as your reflection looks back at you. You continue taking small sips of your coffee and wait until Harry comes back. 

////////

“Hey, darlin’ I got your favorite snacks and lunch from that Vietnamese restaurant you like.” Harry enters into the small apartment and takes you by surprise. You were reading a book that you always put off. He walked towards you and set the bags of food on the kitchen island in front of you. 

“Are you ready, lovie?” 

As time passed you completed the university application and stopped yourself to double check on every detail that you added on the application. You felt nervous, anxious about completing the whole college application process, but you knew that it was going to be worth it in the end. You were glad that you had Harry with you filling the application, because you wouldn’t have had the courage to fill it out on your own. You were happy that you were accompanied and had his support. Harry didn’t ignore the anxiety and the way that you would play with your fingers while filling out the online application. This was a lot for you and he understood that you needed a well-deserved break. 

“Hey baby, take a small break,” Harry grabs the laptop and closes it, but making sure that he saved the application before doing so. “Here, get some foodsies.” Harry passes you the large bowl filled with your favorite pho. 

You take a mouthful of the delicious seasoned soup and sigh as you feel the warmth of the soup comforting your body, leaving you in a relaxed state. “Thank you my love,” you take a napkin and wipe the corners of your mouth. “I missed pho so much.” 

Harry smiles in response as he takes a bite of his own pho. He sits closer to you as his knees touch yours. He gave you frequent glances as a way to know that you were eating well and keeping note of your reactions. You were comfortable which made him happy. 

The night went along well. You finished applying for the university and only waited to get a response back. A couple of weeks it would take before you would get a response. So you continued going to the bookstore and you were starting to share more things with Harry, something that you didn’t do before. You shared more about your past, your family. He knew about your parents and other closer family members, but you never went into depth with other important people that you grew up with back home. You were happy to share more of your life with Harry. 

You both spent more time with each other more often. If you called Harry that you were feeling down, Harry would drop what he was doing and quickly get to your apartment as fast as he could. If you were on your period and Harry knew about it he would stay the whole week to make sure that you were taking care of yourself and to obviously spoil you. Just because flowers were his favorite habit of showing you that he loved you and would randomly gift you little crochet stuffies from a local independent shop. He eventually got you so many that you were running out of spaces where to put them, but you loved every little crochet plushie, they were just so cute! 

The more time that you spent with Harry you hadn’t picked up a cigarette. After Harry found out that you were smoking to relieve what you were feeling he didn’t judge or tell you that you had to stop smoking. Instead, he didn’t mention it, but acknowledged that it was something that you picked up when you were feeling depressed. So, you were grateful that he was there with you along the way of you figuring out how to slowly stop smoking. 

Weeks later…

And so you waited two weeks. In those two weeks a lot happened. Harry was getting his stuff ready to officially move in with you. Nothing much happened, just helping Harry move in his boxes and get him situated in your now shared apartment. He was excited to start living with you and as he said it “Happy to wake up next to my lovie every mornin’.” You were ecstatic to live with Harry, and, well, he already was living in your apartment when he would stay some nights, but this was going to be different. You were going to wake up next to him every morning and being grumpy on Saturday mornings because Harry would wake you to go on morning runs. On a Saturday out of all days! But you were getting too used to him living in your shared space.

Later that week you received an acceptance letter from the university that you applied at. When Harry came to the apartment from work that same day you told him out of excitement. He hugged you tight and gave you so many kisses that overwhelmed you, but you didn’t care you were too happy. The following week you spent a whole week getting school supplies. Harry came along of course picking out the most random things that he swore that you would use in college. Who needs three white boards and two big packs of big sticky notes? You were content in getting one white board and one big sticky note pack just to make Harry feel better. 

“But you’re gonna need two of ‘em, lovie.” 

You chuckle at his antics, “Why two Harry? I just need one.” 

Harry stares down at the plastic covered white board in his hands. “Cause ya gonna need to jot down our date nights. You can’t fit everythin’ on one white board.” He reminds you.

“Bubba, one is enough.” 

You take the white board and pack of stickies with you along with some other supplies. Harry followed behind as he kept putting in colorful markers and journaling stickers in the cart. He definitely made that shopping trip amusing. And you loved every moment of it. 

Four years later…

You sat at every class lecture and followed along what the professors talked about. You were present, you were dedicated and it paid off. There were times where you had breakdowns because of the workload that law school brought to you and it was a lot to handle. The anxiety that was kept at bay was slowly creeping onto you during those troubling school semesters that were always heavy with coursework, but you always had Harry there to guide you through breathing techniques. It was a lot, but you were happy that you were pushing through those semesters for you, for your future and Harry’s. You were proud all those days that you showed up to class prepared to learn the material and to later take the bar exams.

Those four years really did pay off. Cap and gown on and a smile on your face as you waited for your name to be called on the intercom. You walked onto stage as you had the urge to cry, but you stopped yourself because you knew that this was your moment. You were ecstatic that you finally met your goal. Going to school and having Harry and your close family members with you during this long journey. Happy that you were no longer alone… well, you were never alone, but you finally knew what it felt to let people in, let people care about you and let them hear your struggles. You were no longer suffering in silence. You were now walking down the stage with a diploma in your hand, holding onto your biggest achievement and you were excited to see what the future held for you. You knew that whatever life would bring you, you would no longer fight it alone, because you had people and you were no longer going to struggle in silence.

[goldfades]

(I’m right here babes!!!)

MANAGER HAS MATCHING HOODIES WITH THE TEAM 🗣️🗣️🗣️

They have lots of matching things actually, matching shoes, jewelry, pajama sets, mostly the managers doing. Like there’s so many pictures of them walking around with matching tops and bottoms on cuz you better believe she’s like “Y’all match with me today or i’m gonna start a war.” (I mean they were gonna do it regardless)

Something also tells me that the manager is secretly good at basketball and just doesn’t tell anybody 🫣 Idk she strikes me as one of those people who’s like “you don’t know a lot about me.” like okay mysterion

Manager learned Croatian for Nika and I will take NO OBJECTIONS. They’re always talking shit and cussing each other out in Croatian as well, and sometimes the camera picks it up and people try to make out what they say on the court.

But like imagine when the manager first spoke it to Nika and told her why she was learning it, I swear my heart would melt. Manager is just so considerate and what’s to make her girls comfortable and started learning it thinking that it would make Nika feel a bit more at home 🥺 Hold on I’m gonna sob in a corner real quick

Manager has tea about staff members (mainly previous ones) and spills it with them team 100%. Any drama that happened within the staffing the girls know about.

I can imagine how those conversations start

“I wonder what happened to (staff member)” and the manager is just like “girlllll…”

“Tell us, SPILL IT NEOW🗣️🗣️”

The shit talking between the team is so fucking funny

Manager ranting about a previous co worker and the team is just eating that shit up.

“Talking like my outfits affect my work ethic, NEWS FLASH BITCH! If it was such an issue the other staff above me would’ve said something years ago when I first started. I’ve been here bitch.”

(Random but I feel like Paige is one of those people where, if the manager is telling a story, and she told Paige already, Paige it doing commentary the whole time manager is telling the story to the others.

Manger: She’s constantly eying me up and down everytime she sees me. Like the other day she went “You are just all sorts of unprofessional.” like bitch???

Paige: Now Mind you!!! This bitch is worried about what the manager is doing, YET she just started her position and is already talking shit about her SUPERIOR, who has been here for years.” )

Sometimes the manager doesn’t tell the girls outright who it is if the staff member is still there, but they’ll figure it out quickly.

-🐹

BABYYYYYYY I MISSED U AND UR RAMBLESSSSSS HELLOOOOOO!!!!!!

oh my gosh, and matching rings!!!!!!! idk why i've been obsessed with the thought of the entire team being dripped tf out but i feel like they'd also have big ass matching rings

lowkey... because her sister is rly good at basketball and she def taught her some tricks so she'd definitely have some skill yk, and everyones like "WHATTT, what can't y/n do?????" (literally nothing she's barbie)

the whole croatian thing is SO REAL BECAUSE YES!!!! she's not quite fluent but she's almost there bc nika teaches her sm, and the shit talking thing is so real

i feel like they do most of their shit talking on the bus, but they do it quietly cus they don't want geno to hear but like.... he does (he just honestly doesn't gaf) and she's spilling everything

oh and kk and paige are very active listeners, the head nodding and the gasping pls like "SHE DID WHAT??"

[dejwritesarchived]

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀human, choso kamo

it's been two years since the fall of the jujutsu world, and now choso kamo is finally able to keep the promise that he made with special-grade sorcerer yuki. to no longer live life as a curse but as a human. just his luck; his bubbly next-door neighbor is the one that helped guide him through it.

♔ ˖ ✧ — general warnings: female reader, her/she pronouns, female anatomy described, black reader written in mind and their will be descriptors, modern au but also in jjk verse, kinda my own interpretation and theories on how jjk will end, super self-indulgent bc it's my bday, neighbors to lovers (is that a trope), love making yay, mention of other jjk characters, a lot of jumps that are separated by dividers btw, somewhat plot twist at the end // smut warnings: missionary position, hand holding, mentions of hickeys/love bites, usage of spit, big d*ck choso is a warning in itself, implied of oral (m.receiving), handjob // word count: 5.5k, minors dni.

YOUR NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOR, CHOSO, WAS EXTREMELY MYSTERIOUS. He only came out of his apartment for a couple of things—going grocery shopping, possibly working, and jogging. You never saw him being friends over. You never saw him bring a lover over. Nothing. Your curious mind always wondered if he was just a loner; maybe he didn’t have any family members alive. It was just him in the small countryside of Japan, and he was just taking his very lonely days day by day. Or was it cruel of you to assume? It wasn’t really your business as a young foreigner just enjoying her youthful years of traveling. 

You’ve been everywhere, searching for a permanent home after deciding to step away from your actual job. Malaysia, Nigeria, Brazil—you have been traveling for a while, and now it seems you may have found your permanent home for good. The small town wasn’t as busy as Tokyo, but it got lively when the people got together to throw small festivals to celebrate things. If you recall, tonight’s festival celebrated the anniversary of the eldest married couple living in the community. Everyone was prompted to bring a dish, baked goods, or gifts. You took it upon yourself to make onigiri because it was one of the easiest dishes you couldn’t butcher without the eldest questioning your cooking skills.

With your best outfit, you glanced at Choso’s door and began your journey down to the main court of the community with your dish. You could hear the laughter and music of the people in the community as they were setting up. You could see the eldest couple, Mr. and Mrs. Aoki, slowly dancing to the music that was blasting through the speakers. Huge smiles on their faces caused their eyes to crinkle and for them to hold on to each other a bit tighter. Despite such a fast-paced song playing, they took their time indulging in each other’s company as if they wouldn’t have each other anymore the next day. 

“You look gorgeous,” You heard one of your friends, Hinata, say. 

“I can’t let you outdress me this time,” You joked while placing what you brought on the table with the other variety of foods. 

“It’s only room for just one hot person in the small community, and it seems like it’ll be me,” He responds. “Now it’s three,” He jokingly sighed in despair.

“Three?” You questioned as you were glancing over the drinks that were offered.

“You, Me, and your neighbor,” Hinata responded. He ran his fingers through his sandy brown colored hair before speaking again, “I’m so jealous. I’m stuck with Old Man Keigo as my neighbor.” 

“He’s not that bad.” You laughed.

“He knocks on my door at three in the morning, asking if I have seen his cat. I didn’t even know we were allowed to have pets.” Hinata sighs.

“Choso literally never leaves his place. I don’t even think he watches tv,” You responded. 

“Still better than Keigo,” Hinata answered. 

“Is it, though? You’re not curious about why he’s so lonely? If he has a family? Friends? If he wants to make friends?” You asked, and Hinata’s face scrunched up in confusion.

“Maybe he’s running away from his past life,” Hinata said while searching for a plate. “You should give him some food.”

“Why do I have to do it?” 

“You have an adorable, friendly face. Would you rather Old Man Keigo do it?” Hinata’s head motioned to the older man, who was nodding off to sleep in the corner. The children in the community managed to begin to place items on his lap to see how long he wouldn’t notice.

“The goal is to get him out of his apartment, not scare him in.” You grabbed the plate out of Hinata’s hand. “How am I supposed to know what foods he likes? If he’s allergic to anything?” 

“Hm, just give him one of everything. Now my lovely friend has arrived to help me get through this party. Toodles.” He disappeared in the sea of people, leaving you alone with a plate of food.

You knew he was most likely meeting with his local drug dealer, getting his weekly weed fix to get him through his work week as an administrative assistant at a law firm. 

You did what Hinata suggested, placing one of everything on the plate. You were positive that the amount of food on the plate would have been the same amount that the community's people would give him. Especially considering that some already whispered about him. They weren’t bad whispers or gossip but whispers of kindness. You remember Mrs. Aoki telling you how he helped her carry her groceries in her house. Or the young mother that lived in the home down from your complex told everyone that Choso taught her young son how to ride his bike without training wheels. So, if Choso were to finally leave his home—maybe he would see how kind everyone was and how this community was like a huge family. He had already been helping out around here.

As soon as you were done, you returned to your apartment. Your steps were slow and steady to prevent you from spilling food everywhere. When you reached Choso’s door, you mentally prepared yourself for what to say. Should you do an introduction first before giving him the food? Should you lie and say Mrs. Aoki told you to bring the food? What if he doesn't accept the food? Well, that wouldn’t be so bad. You were his neighbor who only said hi or bye to him, giving him food. He’ll probably think it’s been poisoned or something.

You knocked three times. Two times softly before a loud one that could be heard in the small apartment. You stepped back when you heard the sound of the door unlocking. When he stepped out with a towel wrapped around his waist, your heart glanced down in embarrassment. Your brown skin heated, and your heart felt like it was flinging around your chest like a balloon that had just deflated. You never thought a plate of food was so interesting until now.

“Uh, I’m sorry for interrupting your plans. I just thought that I should bring you food from the festival. Mr. and Mrs. Aoki are celebrating their anniversary.” Your words were moving so fast that he even was trying to comprehend what you were saying.

You took a deep breath before speaking again, “You never leave your apartment, so I thought it would be nice to get you some food. I wasn’t sure what you like, so I bought a bit of everything.” Your hands extended the plate outward, and he grabbed the plate out of your hand with the hand that wasn’t grasping on the blue-colored towel that was wrapped around his waist. 

Now that the plate was no longer in your hands, your curious eyes couldn’t help but take a peek at his body. His body was like it was sculpted by the best sculptor in Japan. The many Greek statues of God’s body used him as a reference if possible. 

“Thanks,” Choso says, and his lips curve into a sly smile before he returns back into the comfort of his own home.

With a smile on your face, you turned around to return to the celebration and Choso on your mind. The festival continued, and you even shared a rolled blunt with Hinata to end the night as you gossiped about random things. He asked about Choso and could tell by how your glossed lips curved into a smile that it went well. He didn’t question more of it since the intoxicating high of marijuana finally hit him. However, he did point out that he believed Choso and you would get along quite well. 

Hinata’s prediction wasn’t far off, considering two weeks afterward, Choso tagged along with you to go grocery shopping. You remembered dragging your shopping cart down the stairs loudly as he followed you. 

“What’s up with the cart?” He asked as he walked by your side; he noticed that you didn’t take the usual turn towards the community exit but instead went towards one of the elder's apartments.

“Oh, I usually go grocery shopping for some elders. It helps so I won’t have to carry all the bags from the grocery store.” You gave him a smile. “You have to work smarter, not harder, so you won’t have back problems in your early thirties.” You joked.

Choso’s lips formed a perfect shape ‘o’ as he realized how smart the idea was. The closest grocery store is about a fifteen-minute walk from here; it would make sense to have something that would be easier for you to carry your bags. His dark eyes followed you as you went door to door, asking some of the older people if they needed anything from the grocery store. You did with such a bright smile that Choso found his cheeks growing hot as he watched you respectfully bow before wishing farewells to your neighbors. 

Kindness, you had so much of it and weren’t afraid to give it out. Perhaps that’s why Choso admired you so much. You were like a ray of sunshine; he questioned where you were during the Shibuya, Culling Game, and other events that shook the sorcerer world. How could someone like you be so kind and bubbly when such events happen? He wondered if you had family members that died during the Shibuya incident. 

“I have three people's grocery lists and money. You know you don’t have to tag along if you don’t want to.” You said as you dragged the cart behind you. 

“I have nothing else to do, and I have grown to enjoy your company compared to your friend,” Choso admits as he walks by your side. “He’s a hyper one.” 

“Oh, Hinata? Yeah, you have to catch him when he’s off work. Other times he’s either high on weed or caffeine.” You chuckled. “I appreciate the company, then. It isn’t a lot of people around our age that live here.”

“I noticed,” Choso responds. He shoved his hands in his leather jacket pockets. “I like it like that compared to the city.”

“You used to live in the city?” You asked as you stopped at the crosswalk. 

“Well, I work in Roppongi as security at some clubs. That helps pay the bills and such. I did live there originally, but it was too busy there. As if Roppongi never sleeps or something. So, I moved.” Choso explained while you two crossed the street.

You noticed that your arms kept bumping into each other with each step you took next to each other. It was like two magnets that kept gravitating toward each other despite being far apart. 

“You as a security guard? You don’t give me security guard vibes,” You chuckled.

“Really? My boss says otherwise,” He runs his fingers through his hair. “He said I look intimidating.” 

“Maybe it’s the mark across your face.” You motioned to your own face. “What is that anyway? A tattoo? Birthmark?” 

You watched as Choso rubbed at the back of his neck nervously. His cheeks staining the color of red before speaking, “Birthmark.” He says before his eyes averted downward in embarrassment. 

“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about.” You nudge his side. “It’s cute.” She adds before skipping ahead to enter the grocery store. 

Choso followed behind you with heated cheeks as you held the first list. You were putting stuff in the cart you brought along. “Have you always lived there? Seem like everyone knows you.”

“Only for about four months now. I traveled a couple of places before settling here.” You answered. “I must say that Hinata did make it much easier. I was like you at first. All bottled up in my apartment, and then Hinata became my friend. The rest is history; Hinata even decided to set me up with one of his friends.” 

“And how is that going?” Choso asked. 

“He canceled the first two dates, and we’re supposed to hang out another day,” Your shoulders shrug as you look at Choso, who couldn’t quite comprehend how nonchalant you were taking the situation.

“What about you? Anyone special in your life? Met someone nice during your security gigs?” You asked while grabbing another thing off the shelf. 

Choso took the other list out your hand and started to search if any item on the list was in the aisle you two currently were in. You couldn’t tell if he started helping to avoid your question or if he was genuinely being kind. He reached behind where you were standing to grab something behind you. 

“I don’t really do relationships. Yeah, I have had flings here and there.” Choso explained. “So, there’s no one from my security gigs.” He chuckles. 

Your eyebrows raised in curiosity at his question, but you didn’t want to pry anymore into his business. You took the list from his hand and motioned for him to pull the cart. With a sly grin, Choso followed behind you. The dark-haired male was growing comfortable with you, and he couldn’t explain to himself the warm feeling he felt when he was around you. 

A DRUNKEN HICCUP ESCAPED your lips as you let your head fall into the palm of your hand. Your mind felt like it was spinning, and your body felt like it was a bowl of Jell-O. You brought the glass to your taking another sip of the intoxicating alcohol that you knew you had too much of. Finishing the last bit in the glass before letting your face collide with the table you sat at. You knew it was irresponsible to drink alone, especially considering you had to travel about five blocks to your house. But you didn’t think you would get stood up by Hinata’s friend. They were supposed to be here to walk you home and ensure that you got home safely. But they didn’t bother again.

You sat up, running your manicured fingers through your coils, before you saw a familiar figure walking by the bar that you were in. It seemed like he felt your drunken glare since his eyes met with yours when he turned around. Choso. You hadn’t seen him since he told you about his brother when you guys walked together to the grocery store. You watched as he raced to the door to approach you, and you couldn’t hide the foolish grin on your face. 

“Choso! Come, sit down and have a drink with me!” You shrieked, holding up the empty bottle of sake. 

“You’ve reached your limit, Y/N. It’s time to go home.” He says.

“But he hasn’t shown up yet. Hinata’s friend didn’t come.” 

“Just stay here while I pay your bill, okay? Don’t move!” His finger points at you, and you can only smile and give him a thumbs up.

You plopped back into your seat, watching as he paid for the drinks you had within the night. He returned and helped you up, but you stumbled back, causing him to grab a hold of your wrist to catch you. He noticed the short skirt you wore tonight and wanted to question if you were cold, but right now, he had to get you home. A long sigh tumbled from the dark-haired male before he unzipped his hoodie. He tied the hoodie around your waist and turned around. “Hop on.” He says, motioning to his back. 

“Choso, you’re going to carry me all the way home. You’re such a gentleman.” You happily sigh as you climb onto his back. 

He carried you in silence until you were so curious about why he was out so late. “Why were you out so late? It can be dangerous out here when the sun goes down, you know?” Each word that left your mouth was interrupted by a hiccup. 

“Says the drunk one; someone could have taken advantage of you if I didn’t see you.” Choso lectured. “You’re so irresponsible, you know?”

Your lips formed a pout as you wiggled your legs with each step Choso took. “I just thought he would show up. I’m sorry for my ir-responsible-ness.” 

Choso chuckles at your words, considering that you completely butchered the last part of your sentence. “It’s okay. But to answer your question, I just went to the cemetery to visit my brother. It’s much more peaceful for me when I go at night.” 

“Well, did you enjoy your visit?” You asked. 

“I did. I’m sure he’s tired of me bothering him, though.” He responded.

“Well, I wish I would have been able to meet him. If he’s as cool as his older brother, I’m sure I would have liked him and his company.” 

“He would have liked you also. Especially considering you being so nice to me. Seeing the good in every fuckin’ body. Including that guy that stood you up.” 

You grew silent. Choso’s words suddenly sober you up. You blink several times before speaking, “He promised he would come.” 

You found yourself repeating that phrase again and again. 

“I heard you the first time you said it,” Choso answered as he began to walk up the steps connected to the complex's top level. “Just wish you would see that the guy clearly isn’t interested in you.” 

“And how would you know that? You told me weeks ago that you don’t do relationships or haven’t even been on a date. Just hookups,” You backfired. 

“I don’t need to be a relationship expert to see that you deserve better than to get stood up in some busted bar that hardly anyone knows about as if the guy is ashamed and is afraid to be with a foreigner. Now, can I have your keys to open your door?” 

Silence overcame the two of you again. Why were you two so comfortable enjoying each other’s silence? Why was his silence so comforting? Why did it calm you down? Why did his words hit you so hard like that? 

“I think I left my purse at the bar.” 

“Seriously?” 

“I’ll just go wake the landlord up; I’m sure he has a spare key. Then I’ll just go get my purse tomorrow. I'm friends with the owner, so I’m sure she’ll put it up for me.” 

Choso didn’t say anything. Instead, he walked next door to his apartment, unlocking the door. “No need to be a nuisance to the landlord so late at night. You can crash here until the morning, and I’ll get your purse.” 

“You’re so kind. One day I will pay you back plus some.” 

Choso opened his apartment, and you were in awe at how he decorated his small space. Maybe, your mind was mentally hyping it up due to the alcohol in your system. But you felt at peace in here; it could have been because it smelt like Choso. A scent that you grew familiarized with the more you spent time with him. You noticed how clean his place was. He had a couple of plants in the corner that were clearly taken care of. He had a record player in the other corner with a stack of vinyl records. Your eyes couldn’t help but remember the small details in his apartment. So caught up in your surroundings you don’t even notice Choso kneeling down to remove your heels after your feet finally hit the ground. 

“I could have done that myself.” You said.

“Mhm, sure.” He sarcastically responds before searching his closet for something you can change in. He gave you a shirt and some shorts. “The bathroom is all yours.” 

You stumbled into the bathroom to change into the clothes. The shorts and shirts are clearly too big for you. Your arms wrapped around your waist as you glanced at yourself in the small mirror above the sink. You looked a mess, and you couldn’t believe that Choso saw you in this manner. Felt like he was viewing you at your lowest all because you got stood up by some guy. 

Choso seemed to be getting ready to shower when you were done in the bathroom. You swallowed the lump that suddenly formed in your throat before walking further into the room, “I can sleep on the floor. I am the intruder here.” 

“Nonsense, I don’t mind sharing the bed. Unless you’re like-“ 

“No, it’s not that. It’s just you’ve done so much for me tonight. Carried me home, paid my bill at the bar, now this.” 

“It’s okay. It’s kinda on my list to be kind to someone similar to how my brother would be.” Choso answered truthfully. 

Your eyebrows raised at his comment, but you didn’t argue as you climbed into the bed and got comfortable. You rolled over on your side and tugged the blankets further on your frame to attempt to sleep. Choso went on to take a shower, and minutes later, he joined you in the bed. The bed sank downward when he joined you, and you hated to admit that you wanted to move closer foolishly. You bet he was a wonderful cuddler; he had the arms for it. Before you could utter goodnight to Choso, the alcohol you consumed caused your body to finally relax on the fluffiness of the bed. Your eyes fluttered, attempting to fight your sleep until you finally fell into a deep slumber. 

When morning came upon you, you woke up and could feel an arm around your waist and warmth upon the back of your neck. If you concentrated hard enough, you could even feel Choso’s face upon the top of your coils. It took you by a shock that you didn’t fall asleep twisting your hair and throwing on a scarf, but then you remembered the events of last night. You remembered the piggyback ride. You remembered the talk about you being too kind and always seeing the good in everyone. You remembered forgetting your purse. You figure you were such a nuisance, so you had to make your grand mistake.

You attempted to wiggle out of his grasp, but the grip got a bit tighter. A subtle groan escaped from Choso before you wiggled your way to turn around to face him. Your lips gasp apart to stare at the sight in front of you. His black hair sprawled across his face creating the most reckless bed hair. You took in the way he let out a soft snore here and there. How long his eyelashes were. The birthmark that decorated his pale skin started from one cheek to across the bridge of his nose and to the other cheek. Your cheeks heated, seeing his eyes flutter open and catch you staring. 

“Sorry, I didn’t want to wake you.” You stuttered your words out in embarrassment before turning around to break eye contact. You’ve given up wiggling away at how close the two of you were, but he didn’t loosen up the grip either. Actually, he pulled you closer. As if he didn’t want to let you go. 

“Choso?” You asked as you could feel the tip of his nose on the back of your neck. 

Your skin was littered with goosebumps, and your body's hair stood up. 

“Hm.” He groggily answered. 

“I may have been drunk, but I do recall you mentioning a list. You said one of the things on the list was to be kind to a person the same way you would think your brother would. Is that what you’re doing with me?” 

“Yes.” 

Now you were back, turning around to meet his sleepy alluring gaze. “And you think your brother would do this? As in, cuddle his neighbor?” 

“He’ll carry you on his back if you were too intoxicated, but I don’t know if he’ll do this. I can stop if you want,” His arm detaches itself from your body, and your body suddenly feels cold without it. 

You grabbed it and put it back on your waist. “No, I’m okay with it. It’s just I’m curious to know why me. Why be kind to me?” 

“Because you’re kind to me. Always been kind to me.” He answers truthfully. His fingers brushed one of your coils out of the way, and those goosebumps returned again. 

“I know, but no amount of kindness equals cuddling and shit.” You said. “I’m not complaining because this is very comforting, but I don’t want you to feel obligated to be kind to me-“ 

“I think I’m in love with you.” 

“What? Choso, that’s such a-“ 

“I know, and I’m not expecting a response to that just yet. I know it’s quite hard to process especially considering that you’re most likely hungover at the moment. But I am willing to wait whenever you’re ready.” His eyes shifted closed as if attempting to fall back asleep.

“And what if I have a response to that right now?” You asked.

“Then, spit it out already.” 

When those words left his mouth, you rolled a bit closer to place a kiss on Choso’s lips. It started off innocent at first. Quick, subtle pecks before the kiss deepened. Before he pulled you closer, by the way, to taste more of you eagerly. Just as his strong arms brought you closer, you could feel his cock poking at your plush brown thighs—rubbing against you for some form of friction that caused Choso to let out a breathy sigh in between breaks of the kiss. Your hand climbed in between the two of you to rub at his hardened cock through the gray fabric of his shorts. 

“Shit,” Choso’s head fell back on the pillow after biting at your full plump bottom lip. 

The heated makeout session lasted until the two of you were breathless, and your mouth was wrapped around his cock until he began to feel your pussy around him. You tore each other's clothes off until they decorated the wooden floors. The taste of Choso stained your tongue, and you felt like you were intoxicated. Not due to the alcohol you consumed the previous night but to Choso’s actions. He kissed your neck and collarbone with his body on top of yours. The kisses on your golden skin made you whimper out for more, and for you to grow wet. His teeth bite down, and the gasp that you let out causes all the blood to rush to his cock. Choso’s fingertips tip toed in between your bodies to cling onto the fabric that was in between his callous fingers from indulging in toying with your clit. 

His plush lips kissed your lips, and in between the heated kiss that was causing Choso, he could only say. “Tell me what you want, Y/N.”

When you made eye contact with Choso, you felt so soft inside. Butterflies erupted in your stomach as you stared up at Choso. You lean up to kiss his lips, but he pulls back. “Tell me what you want,” He’s dipping down to kiss upon the bite mark he left on your flesh. “Use your words.” 

“I want you.” 

Those were the words Choso wanted to hear. In just a quick and eager motion, he’s pulling your panties down. Like a hormonal teenager, he’s letting his hardened, clothed cock rub against your wet folds teasingly. Your juices staining the cotton fabric of his grey-colored Calvin Klein briefs. You wouldn’t believe labeling him as a tease, but he drove you insane. How can he make you confess that you wanted him and edge you on until you can feel your own essence staining the inside of your thighs? 

He kisses you lightly, but it feels heavy and rough because it takes your breath away. His right hand tugged down his boxers fully, and you couldn’t help but feel your heartbeat increase at the weight of his cock on your abdomen. He hawks some spit in his hand to coat his cock in it, wanting to make this experience pleasurable and comfortable for you. With his fingers intertwined with yours, he’s sliding inside you. Choso felt how tightly you gripped at his hards, with your eyes squinted shut, getting used to his large size. 

“I’m sorry.” He’s repeatedly saying as he’s peppering your face with subtle kisses. His cock rested inside you until you finally opened your eyes. 

The once intense feeling of his cock stretching you out was replaced with the satisfying feeling of wanting more. Choso didn’t need to hear your voice to begin moving. His hips rotate forward into the cushion of your spread thighs. It was quite a sight to see how your pussy was swallowing his cock with each thrust forward or roll of Choso’s hips. However, the half-curse-half-human couldn’t think straight with how your moans echoed in his ear. They sounded so sweet, so wonderful. One of the most beautiful things he has heard after that band Tame Impala. His callous hands, you were sure had many sins imprinted on them, push your thighs apart just to tug his cock out of you.

“You’re going to make me come, fuck.” He said breathlessly. 

Even with his comment, he still pushed himself fully inside of you again. Surrendering in wanting you to feel full once more. The sound of his headboard smacked against the wall, and Choso was so grateful that you were his neighbor because any other person would have been knocking on his door for him to keep it down. 

You never really thought that this would happen. That you and he would cross such a line to express how you felt for each other. But you weren’t complaining; you enjoyed the way Choso’s hand grasped at every part of your body. You enjoyed the way his face was red as ever due to a mixture of the feeling of his cock being balls deep inside of you and exhaustion. Or how he let his fingers rub at your clit to send the most dangerous electric shock down your spine. 

“I’m about to come.” Your words tumbled out like a broken record. 

Before capturing your lips onto his—Choso says, “That’s what I want.” 

And with those words cursing your lips, you felt like you were on cloud nine. The enthusiastic feeling felt like you were tugging a rubberband back and letting it snap back into its rightful shape. The lower half of your body felt like it went through a slight shock as Choso fucked you through your orgasm. In your mind, you were screaming for him to just come inside you. But you knew that could have just been the bliss of the moment. As if he read your mind, he’s pulling just as his face scrunched up in pleasure. His cock twitches in anticipation as thick ropes of cum begin oozing out, decorating your tummy. The only thing you could do was admire the sight of Choso coming down from the fleeting feeling of busting a nut. 

Just like that, your relationship with Choso blossomed when his body collapsed next to yours, and the only thing that you could hear was your loud thoughts about a mere promise you made two years ago. But you knew that the only thing that mattered right now was the fact that Choso was happy. 

The autumn leaves crunched under your shoes as you walked around the cemetery. You grew accustomed to visiting here once every month since you managed to start the progress of that promise you made to him. When you finally found the tombstone you were looking for, you could tell that someone had stopped by possibly a day before you. Bright red tulips were next to his picture to replace the ones you put out a week ago. Placing the flowers down before kneeling to pay your respect, you smiled brightly before speaking. Quite odd to be talking to a tombstone, but you were sure he could hear you somewhere. 

You placed the flowers on the grave as you kneeled to show your respect. You smiled brightly before speaking to the tombstone that sat in front of you. It was wonderful to see that the gifts and flowers that were around still looked fresh. You assumed someone else most likely was here before you. 

“Hey, Itadori, it’s me. Y/N. I just wanted to update you on the promise I made to you.” You let out a sigh, realizing that you had lied to Choso.

You fed him some story about moving here to Japan after exploring the world, despite you technically already being familiarized with Japan. You’ve witnessed it all before deciding to leave the sorcerer world behind for good. Granted, it sat heavy in your heart, and you felt like a coward not helping in the gruesome war of taking down Kenjaku and Sukuna. But you had to put yourself first, which you wanted many of your friends to do. 

“Choso is doing well, just like you said he would. He’s okay, and he’ll be fine. You don’t have to worry about him, Itadori. He’s adjusted to the human world quite well. He no longer feels like a curse but a human. ” 

​━━ ♡ ​TAGS // @maydayaisha @eiflawriting @violxtbxbyy @shirohyorin @kama-star @maxi8898 @calandra24 @tashniko @certifiedlovergir1 @alekstraszas @soumies @thismf7 @shyartnerd564 @longloes @succubusonthedoorstep @stunnababyyabyyy @comatosebunny09 @si00p

[plotwholls]

Okay so I’ve literally been searching for two days to find this post, but I can’t, so if anyone can find me the post about the League trying to figure out how crazy Amity is, PLEASE send it my way bc jfc I hate not crediting people and this is going to GRATE ON MY NERVES. Anyway.

Basic premise is that the JL sees the town goes “uh,,, that’s sus” and decides that they can’t just bust in and try and figure out if they’re crazy. So. In order to be better accepted, what do they do?

Well, they make the worst possible decision that they didn’t know was dumb: they sent a shrink.

The principal cleared her throat. “And… you’re here to apply for our, uh… what did you say?”

“The school counsel—”

“Ah yes! That!”

Dinah tried to keep her expression neutral while she internally chanted “whatthefuck whatthefuck whattheffffuuuuuuccccckkkkkkkkkk—”

The principal seemed to chew on her apprehension for a minute before giving Dinah a wavering smile and rubber stamping it. “…You can start next Friday.”

“But it’s Saturday…? I can start Mon—”

“Thatwon’tbe—!” She cleared her throat, her smile tight, as if that could conceal her prior panic. “That… won’t be… necessary, Dr. Lance.” Principal Ishiyama gestured towards the door. “Besides. We’ll need the time to— fix up your office!”

Dinah smiled and nodded, but she noted to herself as she walked out of the reception how Ishiyama rushed to her secretary to begin whispering furiously.

Dinah saw how she was scared.

Dinah paused on the front steps, digging her phone out of her slacks’ pocket. She scrolled through her contacts for a moment before finally hitting call. She pressed the phone between her ear and shoulder as she started digging through her purse for her keys. As soon as it picked up, she announced, “Hey, babe! I got the job! I’m on the front steps of my new workplace!” She sing-songed. Oliver took the hint. “Oh? What the hell happened in forty minutes that has you calling me before you’re even in the car? Actually… wouldn’t it be twenty? Fifteen? Commute’s… what, twenty-five minutes? Still can’t believe Bat’s is putting you up in this shack—”

Dinah slipped into the drivers seat, shut and locked the car and switched her phone to the other ear. “Ishiyama was scared of me.”

“…What?” Oliver laughed a bit. “Darling, don’t get me wrong, you’re terrifying, and I love every inch of you for it, but… those are Canary vibes you’re talking about….”

Dinah turned the ignition, foot pressed hard on the breaks. “Then explain to me why I’m starting next Friday even though I told her that I was ready to start Monday— or why she jumped out of her skin when I tried to shake her hand? How about how she caved the moment I confirmed I was going for the counselor position and gave it to me without further questioning?”

Oliver got a bit more serious. “And you’re sure you were reigning in the Resting Bitch Face?”

Dinah rolled her eyes. “Yes, I’m very sure that I was masking my ass off— and you know how good I am at that!”

“I know, hun,” Oliver soothes (it works, much to Dinah’s chargin and battered ego). “It’s worked on Superman and Batman. You caught your own Autism. Your mask is great, babe. Still prefer your murder vibes, though.”

Dinah grinned, her heart feeling achy and cheeks warm. “Well, yeah, that’s why I let you be my boyfriend.”

“And I thank God everyday you knocked some sense into my dumb ass— how about you go get us some safe foods and I’ll pull out the case packs again— we’ll try and figure out what’s going on, alright?”

Dinah smiled softly, her grip on the steering wheel softening, too. “Yeah, alright— when’s Roy gonna get here?” Dinah checked over her shoulder as she threw on her blinker. She turned back. “He should be up to date on anything we find.”

“He’s getting in later tonight,” Oliver told her, “and he’ll have already of eaten, so you don’t need to worry about that.”

Dinah smiled. “You’re so awesome.”

“I’ll try not to get a big head, but given how often you give out praise, that’s gonna be hard….”

Dinah laughed at the overly dramatic woe. She loved that about him— how he made her laugh like she was six again. “Okay, okay— I need to go, I’m driving— text me anything you want. Ask Roy, too.”

“Yeah, okay. I’ll get started on the files, too, alright? Because that wasn’t ego stroking; she shouldn’t have been scared unless she knew who you were and she did something horrible.”

Dinah smiled like she was chocolate under a heat lamp. “Okay.” God, she hopes he can’t hear her freaking heart eyes.

“Okay,” He laughs. “I’m gonna go. I still have a sofa to get through this door.”

She laughs as she takes her turn. “Alright— be safe.”

“You, too. Love you.”

“Not quite there yet,” She tells him, still melting, “but I think I’m getting there.”

“Take all the time in the universe. Bye.”

“Bye.” God, that man makes her soft. Dinah screams a little in the back of her throat, wanting to thrash a bit (but that’s dangerous, so she’ll settle on the screaming).

(She’s going to need to send Batman a gift basket for this— a way for her to bond with her boyfriend’s son, make him feel validated, and let her manage some distance from her relationship to try and figure her head out? He’s getting a basket like none other. She’s gonna dig up Grandma’s cookie-brownie recipe and make him a butt-ton. And then she’s going to send the recipe to Agent A. …and so maybe she’s going to slip in a book on autism (because there’s no way he’s neurotypical) in there, too, but who’s gonna know, huh?)

Dinah floated through parking, and starting her walk to the store, but the floating quickly shifted into a mask as phones started going off in waves— all of them with the same ringtone, which would make others (strangers, from what she could tell) lean over to look at their neighbor’s phones once they realized it wasn’t theirs.

…And slowly, one by one, they began to turn to her. Dinah saw a lot of things on their faces. She faked a happy little twirl to get a look behind her, too.

Fear. Trepidation. Horror.

The most common one was what most would call a “threat,” but Dinah had always been one for specific language, and these looks weren’t threats.

They were promises.

They were swears upon their loved ones’ graves and everything they held dear.

They were telling her a very simple story with a very stony set of the face: “fuck this up, and you won’t live to fuck it up again. We won’t let you.”

Most importantly, it gave up that tiny little detail that made the puzzle fit. With a slightly more real (if more feral) grin, Dinah did a happy little job as she finally stepped into the store. It was such a simple little word, especially with a three letter modifier tacked in front, but it told her so, so much. It said, “We won’t let you….”

“Not again.”

[pommunist]

disappointing to hear from the ex twitteradmins that they and the current twt admins have heard literally nothing from quackity of whoever else is doing the investigations and they also have to find out from twitter like everyone else. apparently they have a seperate discord server but they were still mistreated and should also be talked to (@/Gaelleilei & @/ibobidou both ex admins for qsmpFRA have said this)

I hope you don’t mind anon, I will use ur ask to share some updates on the situation. I just checked the twitter accounts you mentioned and yes it seems that so far they haven’t been made aware of any changes regarding the twitted admins side of things.

As for thé server admins side, Léa made more tweets about it and what she knows so far :

« To be real clear: I want to be transparent, I really want to bring you all good news about the restructuration of the server. I'm really sad to see it is not possible.

What I saw is: The actors have been kicked out of Quackity Studio, not knowing if they would ever be back.

The voluntary people that worked for the twitter update accounts have been revoked from their access to their old tchat and account.

The admin that sent me threats, encouraged drama, is still on the server.

No French admin is included in the revamp of the studio. »

Someone asked if by « actors », Lea meant the roleplayers (and cited pomme as a example) and Lea said yes.

UPDATE : It doesn’t mean admins have been fired necessarily just that for now they don’t have their access and that their situation is unsure (lea clarified this bc the way she worded this before made people think otherwise and let to misinformation)

She then said « For thoses that don't understand why I keep and keep speaking: I have to, otherwise the changes won't be done properly, I want everyone to be aware of what is happening.

If something positive is brought to me, I will also say it. Everyone should have the right to speak about it, not only the higher ups can talk about how the changes should be made. Right now, only the people that were priviledged in the studio are giving their opinions on the changes and the others are shushed »

So yeah not great news to say the least ! Hopefully this is just the beginning of the changes Quackity talked about but personnally I can’t see things improving without better transparency and a participation from everyone involved. We still need to remember that BIG changes are needed so time is necessary for stuff to be fixed.

For me, I have full trust in the french CCs, Antoine said he won’t come back before their is proof of everything being fixed so if the french ccs give us their green light I will trust them.

Below is the link of Lea’s account, her last tweets are already in english, I didn’t translate them so if people wanna read straight from the source here u go

https://x.com/leasagne_?s=21&t=fDVoT5qDN_AAqnxYhZF3uQ

[sai-lec]

in defence of the f1 girlie ….

idk man i guess i just don’t like the whole ‘f1 girlie’ thing bc there’s been an uptick in interacts especially on tiktok where it feels so internally misogynistic and also degrading to new fans who don’t have as much experience or knowledge by creating a ‘valid’ f1 female fan experience. like ive seen a major uptick in videos particularly from male fans who think they’re doing us as women a service by saying ‘thanks to the REAL female f1 fans who KNOW what drs is and DONT think the drivers are hot we see u and we’re glad to have u’ . like i understand what you think you’re doing but why do we have to reinforce a threshold for what makes a good f1 watcher. my tradesman grandad who refuses to retire and works joinery at the age of 80 watches the grand prix he cannot explain to me what drs or downforce. the manliest of men don’t know what drs is.

the difference is that we are allowing men the privilege of being casual fans. with women even when we talk about them in a supportive manner we still reinforce the ideas that they HAVE to understand every single detail about car mechanics and production and racing in order to view them as Good fans or Real fans. we don’t give women the grace of causal fandom. we don’t allow women to just engage on a base level with media or entertainment especially in male dominated areas and we continue to reinforce the standards imposed upon us by creating the ‘us vs them’ of fans and belittling or shunning women with a lesser understanding or engagement with the sport.

as for the idea of only liking it because the guys look hot, who cares. who cares. i grew up with my dad watching f1 and yeah i watched SOME races growing up but i didn’t start watching it properly until last year and there’s 2 reasons for that. 1) i watched silverstone with him 2) i saw carlos sainz for the first time and NEEDED to find out who this man was immediately . these guys are all extremely attractive of COURSE ppl are going to look into them bc of how they look and for some people it will click. for some people they will follow him on instagram and maybe check in with a race or two every now and then and some ppl might just follow him on instagram and not care about the races bc that’s just what happens to hot ppl . does it actually matter at all if someone looks at charles leclerc and thinks he’s hot??? no bc they’re literally correct he is an attractive man and people will perceive him as such even if they find out that f1 maybe isn’t exciting for them. the fact that ppl find the drivers attractive is a natural given and it’s pointless to try and control how people engage with them subsequently bc ultimately it’s so trivial and who actually cares that much .

i know people are going to come in with ‘oh well but influencers’ and yes that’s obviously a different story. because likely these people are being paid to promote the event and se are routinely seeing people who are not familiar with the event enough to engage thoroughly with the target demographic being given these positions when there are thousands of f1 content creators who do the same job and deserve to be rewarded for their contributions to f1 spaces. so people like james charles and whatever her name was at monaco only find themselves engaging at the level of ‘hot driver’ because they accepted a position of marketing in a trending sporting event (important in widening their own viewer base to include us now) where they do not have the knowledge to engage with the current fan communities or encourage other people to engage fully with the sport

th f1 girlie on the other hand. the girl that is being torn apart by men and women alike on the effort to prove we’re not like other girls isn’t given the same chance as the man even still . she doesn’t get to engage with people through aesthetic attraction. she isn’t allowed to engage in casual hobbies and interests because she NEEDS to display an adequate knowledge of car production and f1 history i mean at that point we may as well have a female only f1 fan entrance exam

it honestly doesn’t fucking matter whether or not women do or do not know what drs is . it’s the problem that we are being asked to perform to a certain standard of engagement in order to even be respected in f1 fan spaces. i feel like a lot of people are just going ‘well i know what drs is so’ instead of questioning WHY women are expected to undertake research in order to validly watch a televised sporting event . let women know fuck all about understeer and still watch a gp bc she wants to. let women be casual fans again

[ethers-moth]

Autistic people with the same special interests (the two of you) are about to have a field day.

So. Repo! The genetic opera. The magnus archives. The Archival Repo!. The Repo! Archives.

Anyway

Shiloh is developing corruption

- bug collector

- not a full blown avatar but is kind of in the Jonathan Sims position to be influenced by a LOT of them

- feeds on Nathan’s anxiety (she thinks it’s her illness, but it’s more likely just dread that he’s a failure of a parent. He is.) (I love him why is he like that)

- 17 has her say “I always longed for true affection, but you compared me to a corpse”, so when she leaves at the end of the movie that signifies her evolution into an avatar (or rejection of it?) bc she is left with nothing but her bugs. We don’t really know

Nathan is either Slaughter or Hunt

- I definitely am more inclined for hunt for Nathan

- the hunting at the beginning and later when he and Shiloh are on the phone he definitely could do it a lot faster and less dramatically

- he definitely enjoys it is my point

- “thankless job” is also a prime example of his feelings on this job and or its moral implications

- obviously he’s unstable too and that influences jt but he kind of reminds me of Daisy Tonner where he’s over the ethical issue mostly

Luigi is definitely slaughter

- there’s not a really a need for question man is violent and angry I feel like there’s no question he shanks and yells and gets half naked for fun.

- his treatment of the gentern bringing coffee is a great example, he had no reason to freak out other than. Being like that. And also bc he can

- that’s about it actually he feeds on subordinates fear of his unforgiving temper it’s pretty CUT and dry

Pavi is. Hmmm. Flesh??

- I’m stuck on this one, however I think flesh fits best

- his face stealing reminds me of specific serial killer behaviors (usually due to parental issues) that involve using others body parts, usually skin (Ed Gein with his skin suit of his mother I think??) though I think his environment is part of why the face thing is a little less wrong in canon. Idk he’s a fucking FREAK okay

- also we never see his actual face so I feel an argument that it’s tied with dysmorphia isn’t unreasonable

- Pavi feeds off of adoration (even if it’s fake) from the Genterns as well as the fear of having your face skinned

- seriously what is wrong with him

- with the Genterns his boisting of “ask a gentern who they prefer” and overtly unacceptable sexual behavior (“my brother and sister should fuck”) feel like someone who wants validation and attention even if it’s not positive attention

Amber is Flesh too

- I think for a different reason from Pavi, she doesn’t have “inferiority” Dysmorphia that I think he has

- instead, I think Ambers behaviors are “superiority” dysmorphia (both terms I made up)

- in Ambers case she’s changing her appearance to cope with a shifting sense of self and strive for perfection caused by her notoriety and never being told no

- Amber feeds off of being desired and seen and is one of the most famous people in the known canon universe, but her blatant jealousy of Mag really depicts her motivation for perfection

- she also feeds herself to graverobber for drugs (deleted song ‘try my new parts’) I don’t care how good their surgical techniques are nobody is healing their hole that fast without hurting themselves somehow

- basically if Pavi is MAG 90 Amber is MAGP 2

Graverobber is End or Buried

- the end is for obvious reasons with corpse robbing and his lack of fear or caution around death @brainvomitintheparkinglot ‘s idea

- for buried, he’s literally a crack dealer

- he basically feeds the entire cities drug supply (trapping them in addiction that is hard to escape)

- the web usually deals with addiction but I don’t think he has manipulative or controlling motivation, he just works the system against other people

(Rottis corporation supplying everyone is the web, graverobber is a chunk of dust caught in it)

- as shown with Amber, he wont supply without money either, hypothetically pushing his clients into further debt (esp if they have geneco loans) AND addiction

- graverobber feeds off of the metaphorical suffocating nature of debt and addiction as mentioned, and well as literal suffocation

- following the drug thread, I will be treating zydrate like Heroin, in the idea it can be a powder or liquid (even though we only see it as a liquid in canon)

- like most painkilling drugs it can be assumed zydrate can induce vomit and therefore asphyxiation OR in the case of a powder that is inhaled, generally that isn’t optimal for breathing

- also graverobber is probably covered in corpse dust and like. Anthrax

Rotti is web (again, thank you @brainvomitintheparkinglot)

- his company owns the entire city (corporatocrocy)

- he literally controls everyone, his money controls his fucked up kids, and the entire system is his

- the rift with Shiloh and Nathan was organized by Rotti, and I feel like Ambers problem with Mag is somehow his fault too

- as far as I know, Mags blindness is never canonically explained, Rotti could easily be responsible like he was with Marni

- Rotti feeds off the obvious, control over everyone. He also is disappointed his kids found ways around his authority, and yet they’re STILL in his web (addicts and also fucked in the head bc of the circumstances he raised them in)

Mag is. The eye

- yeah. This one is the most direct

- I have a headcanon that she can see through cameras (how she found Shiloh) and how she seems to know all about what is happening in Shilohs life

- mag is both a victim and an avatar of the eye, she sees everything going on around her with the people she loves, but all eyes are always on her, trapping her where she is.

- literally had to do a Melanie king except she didn’t escape, the web and the eye often work in opposition in TMA while also being quite similar, she and Rotti much the same.

- “take these eyes I’d rather be blind” is an inadvertent argument with Rottis control of the web, he kills her for it

Lastly, Marni is either End or Desolation

- she’s not actually present in the film

- End is bc she died and yet is still so so important to the plot

-desolation is bc her actions are kind of why everyone in the story has issues

I could make a whole separate post on Rottis fucked up crack zydrate addicted kids

[nalyra-dreaming]

Hey. I originally sent this ask to virginia bc a lot of what i see usually comes from her asks, but it is also relevant to your s2 rant so wanted to ask you this too. I don’t understand what you mean by the show people are “making up in their heads”. I watched the show and then went online which was a mistake since a lot of book content was being revealed to me, so I read a couple of the books for context. Still I disagree with a lot of the takes I have seen. How is lestat being “big bad patriarchal” something that people are making up in their heads? Why is it that when the vamps are having good moments we can agree “that they are married!” and “that’s their daughter!” but when it’s bad moments all of a sudden it’s “they’re vampires so it’s not domestic abuse and lestat is not big bad patriarchal”? I understand that a lot will be revisited in s2, but s1 is Louis’ account of things and what he is showing us is very much big bad lestat so idk how that can be something people are making up in their heads. I’ve noticed that while a lot of the speculation for s2 draws from the books (obvi), they don’t take into consideration that some things just don’t work anymore because of the change in the level of violence shown, and bc these characters are Black! Like Louis or Claudia lying about their abuse would be incredibly problematic, so would a revisit of Lily showing that she’s shady/a villain. (And i feel like you agree with this so idk why you say you’ll block ppl who say this). I understand where the theories are coming from, but having these things play out would actually be racist and calling it bad writing if it happened would be very valid criticism! It’s very important to be critical of these things even if it comes from an otherwise very good show!

I’ve also seen stuff about making fun of people complaining that Assad and Jacob are not being paired together, when that is also a valid complaint/want (and I’m positive they’ll be paired together more as they keep promoting s2). I’m excited for loumand even after reading some of the books and knowing that Loustat (or just lestat) is the center of the VC, but the second half of book iwtv definitely centers Loumand, and even before reading the books my expectation was still a centering of those two characters. Don’t get me wrong I am a huge jam reiderson fanatic (literally started watching the show bc I saw that trivia with jam reiderson video) but I am also excited to see Jassad!!! Another incredibly important reason that people are excited for this pairing is of course that they are a queer interracial poc couple!! In fantasy no less!! So it’s understandable that people (myself included if you couldn’t tell lol) would be excited to see them together outside the show as well!! And making fun of them looking forward to it is like not great. So far the stuff ive seen ab press pairing is ppl being eager to see Jassad, but over here it reads as “haha no jassad we told you so” which is so incredibly weird. Again, I’m trying not to come off as like aggressive, and I get that being accused of being racist is obviously not a great thing to receive, but I do think that a refusal to examine or question why people think certain decisions would be racist is also not great.

I feel like a lot of the times when fans are pointing out the racism in the fandom and stuff, it gets taken as them being hateful and aggressive etc etc, but like idk it’s hard to be nice when you see things that are clearly so problematic and it gets glossed over in the fandom. Idk if you’ll answer this but I just thought it was important to share.

Okay, you know, I'll bite. Once.

"Making fun of people is not great". "being accused of being racist is obviously not a great thing to receive, but I do think that a refusal to examine or question why people think certain decisions would be racist is also not great"

"I’ve noticed that while a lot of the speculation for s2 draws from the books (obvi), they don’t take into consideration that some things just don’t work anymore because of the change in the level of violence shown, and bc these characters are Black! Like Louis or Claudia lying about their abuse would be incredibly problematic, so would a revisit of Lily showing that she’s shady/a villain."

Let's examine these, shall we.

Just because Louis and Claudia are black now, they are NOT different characters. If you had read my rant, and listened to the sources, read the interviews, then you would KNOW that. You would know that JACOB (and Bailey) have said that. LITERALLY.

A certain part of the fandom keeps saying this, but that is just... not it. And I get where it's coming from! But they already confirmed that the characters are still the book characters. And the people (including you?) who keep worrying that point just don't want to acknowledge their stance being wrong.

But that is not something that >I< am making up.

Which, in turn, negates your argument.

Also, everything shown in s1 will be put into context in s2, as already said - also something I more than laid out in the rant. That includes the "violence". Again, that's been said.

When the racial changes became clear for Louis and Armand (and Claudia) some of the book fans winced, NOT BECAUSE OF THE CHANGE ITSELF, but because you know, we KNOW what's coming.

All the show fans now claiming Lestat was sooo bad for Louis... oh you haven't seen Armand. Armand will literally gaslight Louis, make him do things against his will (things that will have Louis say he lost the last of his humanity!), isolate him by KILLING CLAUDIA and the coven (intentionally! so he can have him to himself!), and spell-bind him, repeatedly. Armand will chop off Claudia's head and sew it onto another's body to see what happens. And then send her into the sun, to burn.

He will also, as has already been made clear now, "tinker" with Louis' memories.

You think that's cute?! Wholesome? Because they're POC now? Oh sweetie. This show will pull the rug out from under you. And that is not meant as belittling. These things will happen. They dialed up the (absolutely existing) themes to 10 in s1, they will do so once more in s2.

And lastly, re the fun, and being accused of things.

Go and read through the comments of "Laden as the sea". Read what I wrote in the notes, and why, and then what people threw at me. Come on, go ahead. It's a ride. I did not delete ONE comment. None. They're all there. Some of the commenters have edited their comments, so the still-up one is not the one they initially wrote, but I get mails for all comments, so... I've read them.

And I'm not even talking about the shit here.

Oh, and I didn't say that the patriarchal and abuse themes were made up. Which you would also know if you had actually read my rant.

And, again, if you had really read what I've written, you would know that I wrote this: if I‘m going to see anyone scream “bad writing“ or “Louis being made a liar or the memories revisited/changed is racism“ when the changes will hit I‘m just gonna block you.

And that... has nothing to do with the problematic things that might arise from the revisits, because of course there are many traps there to consider, because of the racial change. That I agree with.

But it's not bad writing, or racism, if and when these things happen.

It's just not what some people want to happen. And that is what I mean with the "story made up in their heads".

If you really read the books, then you would know what's coming.

Because this show is made by book fans. It might be good to remember that.

[golbrocklovely]

That’s exactly what i meant. You voiced it perfectly. I personally do not know how to feel about Malia, but that feeling is only coming from a place of not knowing much about her, because she isn’t really a public person like snc or even Katrina are. She just enjoys her time on social media, but for the most part she is hella private person and hey. I respect that, cause looking how people are on Internet, it makes very much sense to want to protect yourself from them (also your relationship, cause many relationships that were public ones - i mean in a way that they constantly would post eo and their daily lives on socials, eventually would break up). I don’t like her, but i also do not hate her. And if Colby is happy with her or even loves her, then i am happy for them and wish them all the best. I mean it would be weird to call yourself a fan and not be happy when your idol is happy.

And on the other hand, Shea and Colby shippers are more annoying than Solby shippers.

i agree with you. i think it's one of those things that fans can't accept bc in their minds, they have control over colby and his decisions. mostly bc for a long time, when fans would tell him to jump, he would respond with "how high". but for a little over a year now it seems as if he doesn't plan on listening to fans like that anymore, and i think that's for the best in the long run anyway.

bc he gave them so much power, they thought they controlled him or had say over what he chose to do, which just isn't the case.

the problem also is, so many fans (shea shippers and more) expect him to be with one of three ppl: shea, stas, or amber. or a rare fourth one, a fan of some sort. it's odd how many fans want this y/n fantasy to play out either via themselves or the holy trinity as me and my friends refer to them as lol

anyone outside of that is a no go.

so when malia came into the picture, and she wasn't what fans expected or wanted, they thought they had a say in telling colby to break up with her. and not only that, they thought she was just another fling of his. but when that didn't work, they went ballistic. which is why for months the hate for her and him has upticked to a level i never expected. like i knew when he got a gf, fans would lose it. but this is a different level altogether.

i personally don't love or hate malia, but i would say i have more positive feelings for her rather than negative.

at the end of the day, regardless of how any of us feel, colby is happy. you can lie to yourself all you want bc he doesn't smile in pics or bc they look too posed in their pictures. it doesn't matter. he loves malia, that's is abundantly clear. and you have to accept that and his decision to be with her. and if you can't, you're not a fan of him. i'm not saying you gotta love malia, but hating her will do literally nothing. so just accept it and move on. and if you can't, leave. it's honestly that simple.

(tbh anyone that heavily ships him with someone that isn't his gf is equally annoying in my eyes, but i getchu lol)

[dioriysus]

love the fact that tim drake’s vulnerabilities and mental health are more explored in the fan fics but he is unfortunately, somewhat suave canonically and is skilled at harbouring all the trauma or atleast intellectualising it rather than giving himself a moment to just feel the emotions (atleast that is my impression from the haze of memories). usually the fanfics depict him as someone unable to control his vulnerabilities and there’s nothing wrong about that but part of the reason that he doesn’t get much opportunity to be outright vulnerable is bc he is a skilled navigator among ppl and convos. the boy literally knows and analyses any thought/emotion that pops into his mind, he’s obsessed with his ability to manage it all.

i think the main emotion he suppresses is guilt and bc he’s objective enough to understand that under this line of work, there is technically no point in feeling the guilt, it’s disregarded and builds up. guilt about his responsibilities as a vigilante, for potentially endangering the lives of the civilians he loves, the overwhelming pressure to please everyone in both sectors of his life. he’s mature for his age, something that’s acknowledged by his family and surroundings and somewhat by himself as well. he doesn’t let himself linger on disappointment towards others as often as he should and moves onto what is under his control immediately.

that’s always been his biggest coping mechanism, control. tim doesn’t dwell, he has enough awareness of the world and his position in it to not constantly be reacting instead of just acting. i think that’s why him and steph’s differences in social backgrounds didn’t hinder the relationship bc he is generally a smart and self aware guy and can empathise with others while sticking to his moral grounds.

steph’s introduction into his life helped tipped the balance he so proficiently curated on the matters of heart vs head. it’s simple around her. yes, he feels a responsibility to keep her out of vigilante life as batman’s protege but she expects nothing from him (at first) and he likes that. that’s not to say that he didn’t fulfil any boyfriend responsibilities (he literally was there to help her deliver her baby) but she likes him for all he is and he does the same and everything else comes naturally and out of duty of the heart.

i think after war games and all, we obviously see him transform more and more into Batman. his civilian life that used to be as equal and important as robin became more withdrawn, a little less genuine and more tactic based? it was an understandable progression given all the losses he had been dealt with. the charms that came from him as a well-rounded person with academic/emotional intelligence were sort of lessened to tools to help enhance robin/red robin’s missions rather than.. ykno.. actually make good connections with people.

can’t say much bout the new52/rebirth as i hadn’t taken in much of Tim’s characters as vividly as his 90s series.. but i do commend the dc writers on letting Tim talk about how much he likes bernard and why.. feel like the last few timsteph content (minus some of the yj stuff) started to feel stale and was just Steph sulking around him (pls don’t hate meeee, there were cute moments but i missed the tension and chemistry from their original run)

i think he’s an incredibly interesting character and if there are to be any other live action depictions, I’d rather they take inspo from the robin series than anything else. let him be the well-liked guy who seems to be doing well in everything and then we can dive into the dynamics with his father, with Batman and other authorities in his life.

also i reckon if damian hadn’t met Tim through his connection to Batman, he would’ve had similar kind of dynamic as he does with dick 😭 idk i love looking at the parallels b/w tim and dick. tim wouldn’t obv give as much grace to damian as dick does, nor can he intimidate him through any means of physical combat like jason (i giggled writing this bc Damian doesnt take Jason seriously but atleast they’re both aware that they both need to reel in the violence). idkidk they’d have a fun back and forth relationship and Tim being the strategist he is would put Damian’s strengths to good use and Damian would respect that.

ok let me stop this rant once and for all bc i have actual tasks i need to get done but i lauv tim drake if u couldn’t tell! if there are any points of this essay that doesn’t make sense, that’s fair bc pls let me reiterate that my memory is not the strongest soldier and i could be mixing iterations of tim from all places saur yeahhh

[bright-and-burning]

Instead of getting into a fight with the group chat you should tell us the lore behind why the vibes in that chat are so off. This is like at least the second time i’ve seen you post about it

it is suuuuuch a long story and for reasons that would take a while to explain satisfactorily i can’t kick this girl out of the group chat ok.

edit: this got medium long (at least on mobile) im . sorry akdhskdh its below a cut now

but basically she has no sense of boundaries and when you tell her a boundary she’ll be like ok so you hate me.. but ill follow it i suppose… and then break it two weeks later with glee. she’s aggressively contrary for the fun of it she has a superiority complex in a loooot of areas but especially morally she refuses to let anyone back out of an argument. she demands responses and guilt trips everyone if you don’t respond to her bait like “omg you guys are actually just ableist and hate neurodivergents” (half the group chat is neurodivergent lmfao). she would literally start hours long arguments abt taylor swift (this was SUCH a sticking point for her. and STILL is like it somehow got brought up AGAIN tonight) that boiled down to “if you enjoy any of her music you just haven’t thought about it long enough and unpacked your internalized misogyny. as soon as you do that you’ll see that i’m right.” would make people CRY and when anyone would be like we should stop this is just upsetting people she’d be like what do you mean you’re getting upset :( this is just a discussion :( this is so interesting to me :( why won’t you overexplain and justify your taste in music on demand for me :( like every single argument she just positions herself as the only moral option and if you disagree w her you just haven’t thought for yourself hard enough? one time she literally was like “eve i know you can have deeper thoughts than that” bc i refused to engage her trying to start the like fifth 3hr long tswift fight and i left the group chat for three months despite this being the era where i was unemployed depressed and living at home several hours away from anyone i was friends with. like i was literally like maintaining an easy connection with all of my friends is not worth being in the same digital space as her rn.

tonight she said that “it feels like you [collectively] don’t experience life” or like contemplate deep things like mortality or sentimentality and that our supposed lack of passion makes her depressed because… nobody responded to her messages abt her favorite band (that none of us listen to) within 2hrs. on a work night. which was viscerally upsetting in general (don’t particularly like having someone tell me they don’t think i have an inner life just bc i don’t engage on demand for them) but also in specific given how the last two weeks have been for me (having someone tell me i haven’t contemplated mortality and how tragic it is that we have limited time on this planet when im in the middle of a health scare that had me looking at my life insurance policy briefly last week)

[chainsawcorazon]

probably the thing i dislike most about comicsharing these days is how insanely disingenuous ppl are about the books they’re sharing. specifically with kon. he was incredibly overexposed during his initial run, and pretty damn popular. his writing relayed the zeitgeist of the 90s with barely any filter, despite being comics code authority approved. it’s ok to admit that contextually speaking, his run (meaning ALL his books from 1993 - 2002) wasn’t THAT crazy compared to others aka miss hal’s menty b and superman literally dying and coming back and suffering ENDLESSLY until the clois marriage healed his heart and psyche. you don’t have to treat his initial writing like it needs to be heat-treated prior to reading.

the fact that ‘fans’ love harping on his early writing like its some kinda radioactive green rock is actually insane! that is LITERALLY the concept work that lasted TEN YEARS across MULTIPLE writers and books. kesel wasn’t the only one clowning. editorial marched to his tune even after superboy 1994’s hands changed. kon dont got a hundred years of history. he’s only got thirty, and a third of that was entirely his creator’s, and you know what? It was GREAT! it was raw and heartbreaking and funny and indicative of how terribly neglectful parents were and how easy it was for kids to get caught up in adult bullshit without being adults. im tired of ppl talking like it’s a diseased run ‘not up for the current times.” it is ABSOLUTELY of the current times.

it was about a partyboy who never got to party for the sake of it, and about CSA without kon knowing he was a victim and survivor of CSA. it was about ppl in positions of authority and power leaving kon to his business bc kon wasn’t theirs to take in, and no one in any position of influence thought to question why a grown ass woman was dating him PUBLICLY. they laughed! kyle and clark and dubbilex and makoa, they did not care! bc kon was supposed to be a way for neglected kids to read about a character who’s making his own way since he’s been emotionally starved of love and affection. he makes his own family, even tho those ppl don’t really SEE him as family! he thinks of a clone handler as his father even tho that handler does the bare minimum! he thinks his agent’s daughter is his sister even tho she’s been lusting and pining after him since the start! he didn’t understand boundaries, didn’t draw them, and didn’t understand that his emulating the people around him was NOT normal!

he’s the one kid in school who thought it was ok for sixteen year olds to attend college parties and sleep with older girls cuz he got his growth spurt early and looks like an adult, even tho he’s not! he’s the kid you grew up with that didn’t have parents, but had random guardians who did a subpar job at taking care of him bc they couldn’t put him in foster care. he was the guy you knew growing up who said the most off-color shit and did the most off-color shit bc he had anger issues and deep-seated resentment and shit tons of sexual trauma and NO friends his age that didn’t wanna fuck him.

kon was THE exploited teen star. his story can STILL resonate today if you stop treating his early writing as icky and focus on the actual fucking themes and purpose of the story. his first real gay friend wasn’t ray, it was hero. he joined yj with a heavy heart. his first love was one of the ppl who destroyed his life the most, and yet he loved tana! knockout gave him sexual trauma so deep, he was still acting out in ttv03. his life’s lack of parental love is WHY the kents taking him in is so moving and important. no, clark not taking him in from the start was not on clark bc KON IS NOT HIS RESPONSIBILITY. kon was the government’s responsibility, and the government did what it does to all kids who don’t have loving parents and guardians - left him to fend for himself.

kon’s initial run isn’t a 90’s shitshow. it’s a legitimately sad tale with multiple moving parts that highlight how much legacy can both destroy and make a person’s spirit. stop treating that shit with kidgloves. commit to the fucking bit. he was never anyone’s prop, and it’s sad how some of y’all act like his only heartbreak is tim getting away with bernard. i don’t know how to tell you this, but tim’s timkonnie feels were wholly a personal problem. focus on the kon. i PROMISE you, you’ll free yourself from chuck dixon’s boogers and geoff’s grimdark teen soap that paled in comparison to the actual teen soap of the era, smallville.

[melrosing]

MATE I have a feeling I am so late to this but what happened to your job!

lmao! so much! but I don’t have it anymore! ok you didn’t ask for the full story lmao but im always in the mood for venting lately so the full tale under the cut on What Happened With My Job

so without getting into detail they have been absolute asses all year!! like with each other the women in my team are like Bosom Pals but apart from a handful of pleasant people they just have no time for me lol it’s very cliquey??

anyway. we had some really difficult clients in the Spring who were ready to throw in the towel at every stage of our work process bc it was unfamiliar territory for them. I was leading the project but really struggling to meet their insane expectations like it was HUNDREDS of emails a day from like 8AM to 8PM and their ‘head of’ sometimes swearing at me on calls with a dozen other people and thinking I can work magic and get [MAJOR CELEBRITY] involved in a thing for them when objectively I can’t and just scream. anyway my directors get really uneasy because this is a big client and they don’t want them getting scared off so when the client starts reaching a crescendo of frustration they fully just scapegoat me right at the end of the campaign (at which point our results are great! lmao) and say it will be Dealt With

around the same time I start to realise that the business is failing and my ‘specialist position’ is typically the first kind to go and that COINCIDENTALLY they are on my ass day after day trying to insist im not meeting their ‘standards’ and genuinely making up the most insane reasons why not (like I know I’d be biased saying this but SERIOUSLY) so im like ohhh right. I see where this is going

THEN my dad gets goddamn incurable brain cancer and my whole life falls apart. and they suddenly have to be like ‘oh no. I am sorry this has happened. oh dear.’ I’m off two weeks having a complete mental breakdown until im kindly reminded that cough I’ve almost used up my statutory days of compassionate leave! but per company guidelines they do have to manage my workload whilst i er. struggle indefinitely w the emotional burden?? so my capacity is thus reduced and man you can tell they’re not thrilled about it

so they basically check in every Friday for a month saying ‘hope everything is ok can you take on more work yet’ CONSPICUOUSLY never asking how anything is going with dad (like when I first logged back in I had a catch up with my line manager and kind of tremulously started talking about what had happened and she literally said ‘it’s ok you don’t need to tell me the details’)

THEN I get GASTROENTERITIS 💃🏻 god knows how. but it’s a bad one and I physically can’t eat for a week man I eat like a banana a day and even that makes me sick lol. but whatever the first day I phone in and tell my director im not well. she’s like ‘WELL I ACTUALLY HAVE SO MUCH TO MANAGE RIGHT NOW SO THIS REALLY ISN’T HELPFUL LIKE I GET YOU CAN’T HELP BEING SICK BUT I REALLY NEED TO BE ABLE TO RELY ON MY TEAM TO SUPPORT COS WE HAVE A LOT COMING UP’ (I’m not even kidding)

so on the third day I log back in bc I feel like I need to just push through it but oh no im still vomiting my guts out so I message the same director ‘look I think maybe. I am still sick’ and she says NOTHING in response till I suddenly get a text from my LINE MANAGER saying ‘Hi. X says you say you still don’t feel well. We understand it’s food poisoning. That usually only lasts 24 hours’. LIKE??? apparently with all the compassionate leave I’d had to take, the sick leave was just too much for them to bear lmao so i got myself a goddamn doctor’s note and have to announce every day for the rest of that week ‘I’m still not well sorry’ (they never ever reply)

Then finally I recover and I log back in and my director doesn’t ask me how I am or anything literally just says ‘WELL let’s get straight to business’ and explains the status of everything at me for 20 mins going on about how stressful it all is.

And then an hour later I get a surprise call from my head of department telling me unforch they’re making me redundant. can’t be helped. understand this is a bad time for you personally. (said head of department has never addressed what bad thing is happening personally rn). and im in shock. till i figure that what with my dad this is probably an appalling time to make up some performance based reason to fire me so this was their only option

and then finally I see the paperwork and realise severance pay is a third of my annual salary. so i promptly get over it, log out halfway through the month whilst still being paid for my time till the end of it, and NOT ONE of those fuckers has even reached out to say goodbye in all that time but god knows I never want to hear from them again so?? fuck it! i told HR everything anyway I was like look I don’t want to take formal action but?? I think you should know.

and now im just gonna chill for Christmas w my dad and my fam and my pals and my cats and do my weird asoiaf shit on tumblr I guess lol. so there we go that’s what happened!!!!

tl;dr got made redundant lol

[hunkyprincegyaru]

I GOT MY LITERAL DREAM JOB OFF AFFIRMING AND BEING IN THE STATE.

In my last post I mention I got my dream job, but nay— this was only a job I could work from home and be payed CRAZY good. It wasn’t my real dream job. My real dream job? Being a tattoo artist. The thing is I don’t leave my room, I am a real bed rotter and I only play Fortnite. I literally make 2k a week doing nothing but just KNOWING money loves me and somehow I always have hundreds. Anyways, because of my beautiful isolation it was basically impossible for me to get this job.

Because what do people tell you?

☝️To get your job you need to FIRST leave your room, and second if you’d like to be a tattoo artist you actually need a portfolio, & it takes like years to actually be good yap yap yap whatever u get it just spitting limiting dumb beliefs.

Before my 19th birthday, I made a decision. “I am going to be a tattoo artist after my birthday (March 15th)passes, but before April ends.” This was my deadline, I was having this shit I DID NOT GAF.

Don’t get me wrong, 3D TRIED TO FUCK WIT ME HARD. I was consistently worried about my parents, LITERALLY thought transmitting ‘oh my daughter doesn’t have a good job, why is she rotting in her room all day buying dolls and vbucks’ THE THOUGHTS AND 3D TORMENTED ME TO TEARS. did this perfect-dream-girl-state me care tho?…naur. Bc she already had the job, and the happy parents, and the cars and whatever da fuck. She(me in state) kept affirming thru tears, sleeping in the state even with my insomnia that I actually should manifest away AND

LOW N BEHOLD! My mother went to a birthday party and ended up meeting GASP! THE OWNERS OF A TATTOO SHOP. Not just any tattoo shop, A TATTOO SHOP THAT I WROTE I WOULD WORK AT WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL JUNIOR YEAR. CRAZY. They were chatting it up, to the point where they said,

“All we are looking for is devoted students, we’ll take her even if she doesn’t have a portfolio”

MF I WORK TMR. I START MY APPRENTICESHIP TMR. NO BACKGROUND. NO LEAVING MY ROOM. NO PORTFOLIO NO LIMITING MF THOUGHTS BELIEFS BABYY.

WHAT I DID TO DO THIS (to clarify) :

Visualize future/perfect me on a regular day. Ex: leaving my mansion hopping in the porche (WHICH IS COMING NEXT) riding my ass to work and just tattooing.

AFFIRM. I use blanket affirmations. I would listen to these basically whenever, on the parrot app bc wow just got introduced to her and she is god send. My exact affirmations:

“My life is perfect, why is my life so perfect?”

& most important of all I tried not stress. I forgot about the deadline. I wouldn’t think about tattooing 24/7, but if the thought occurred I would immediately affirm and make sure it was positive. Persist through the negative, till it naturally comes out positive.

STAY CONSISTENT, STAY DEVOTED BECAUSE YOU WANT IT! That’s all you need. The minute you feel a desire, know that it is meant to happen—don’t question it just tell yourself it is already yours. I LOVE YOU MUAH MUAH XXOXOXO

[nikethestatue]

So one thing that is important and never brought up enough is when you just focus on Sarah as a writer and human is that in all of her books, she has NEVER rewritten a losing virginity scene

NEVER

I can’t remember if she explicitly stated somewhere that she won’t, but after 10 years of reading her books that is something she’s never done, which as a romance writer HAS to be intentional. She’s written people fucking in the sky while flying, but the few times someone is losing their virginity it’s always been a fade to black or brief mentions of it but not the actual full scene.

The closest we get is “-and gave him everything she had.” Which was her first published sex scene, and “so Lorcan did.” Both in ToG. Justice for Elorcan😔🙏🏻

I 100% people should respect that authors can have boundaries too, like that can be a heavy topic for people! Especially for women who often have their literal worth tied to their virginity. EVEN IN HER BOOKS Mor and Lysandra 1. suffer consequences for losing it on her own terms or 2. have hers be auctioned off AT 17🤢

She’s a sex positive author, and yes this post sounds like I’m basing a characters worth on if they’ve had sex so I’m sorry I swear that’s not what I’m doing BUT THEY’RE CHARACTERS. SHE MADE UP. Not that being a virgin is a bad thing because it’s not. She just has a pattern for smut and even if we exclude the no virginity scenes I’m so sorry to the other ship BUUUUT having one of the 3 men who are in positions of power and have basically unlimited access to characters who’ve been SA’d, do people really think Sarah would make THAT a foundation of an entire ROMANCE BOOK AS IF THAT’S NOT A COMPLETE ABUSE OF POWER? If Rhys or any member of the inner circle, ESPECIALLY MOR(!) don’t kill Az if he did that, I’m sure his MOTHER or the other priestesses would. Could you imagine being a priestess and finding out your trainer and one of the few men you have contact with is trying to get his dick wet with one of your sisters? How violating that would be, no matter how professional he’d behave like Cassian during training? Thought Cassian and Nesta are a completely different circumstance, even if g and az were mates. They’d lose all of the Valkyrie’s and any sense of safety with the night court.

And to those doubting Elain getting a book, why would Sarah throw in that Elain lost her virginity off page? Entirely pointless, ESPECIALLY for a character viewed as a prude UNLESS she is laying the ground work for her future main character in a series where people fuck. A LOT. That’s literally Sarah’s pattern as a writer, hence one of the reasons we saw Nesta use sex as a coping mechanism and why Cassian didn’t take her v card, which I think started in frost and starlight off page BEFORE Nesta’s book.

Plus homie can’t even stand to visit Illyria bc of how they treat women, how people think Az would go after someone under his care who he literally rescued is genuinely terrifying???

Or that she’d force a Elain to be with a man who makes her uncomfortable no matter how likeable he is because someone/something/a-big-ass-pot decided for her at literally the worst moment in her life? Choice is so important to her as a writer

And again no one’s worth is based on their sexual history, whether it’s consensual or not because only you define yourself, which is one of the main messages she’s always had. And while these are characters are on a page, to whoever reads this you are a real person and your story is worth telling. (I know this is a sensitive topic and I’m trying so hard not to offend anyone and you don’t have to post it I am just so confused. Like yes people who’ve experienced such things like myself can and do still have sex, but if she -the writer- BARELY touches on Rhys’s assault during sex with Feyre, not even his own pov, or Nesta with Tomas or even Lidia, WHY would she go from zero to 10000 and write g’s sex scene who is a virgin.)

Who knows, maybe one day she’d write her story, but I’m sorry to say not starting out without her having sex before it starts.

The funny thing is that she said exactly that--she doesnt write virginity scenes because she doesn't like the power imbalance.

Especially since she tends to have these massive age gaps. But then she always gives actual magical power to the women to balance the age thing out.

I don't know why people don't understand how bad it would look. Especially given Azriel's mother's history, where she had no autonomy, and was made to be a virtual slave to the lord. No one is saying that that's Azriel obviously, but it would be a terrible breach of trust and could only be viewed as predatory. What I don't understand is that the same people screech that Rhys assaulted Feyre UTM (I categorically do not think that he did, but that's beside the point) but at the same time they feel that a Gwynriel relationship would be appropriate. Oh, well what if they are mates! Mate bonds aren't a ticket to do whatever the hell one wants, under any circumstances.

Azriel getting it on with a priestess from the Library is just not appropriate under any conditions. Especially with one who needs to ask Clotho for permission to go to a sleepover with Nesta and Emerie in the same building she lives in.