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punkshort · 9 months

Text

Chapter warnings: language, alcohol use, sexual tension, tiny bit of smut, angst, pretty long chapter lol

Chapter Five

Pairing: Joel x F!Reader, pre-outbreak and post outbreak

AU (the only thing I kept was the outbreak, Joel, and Tommy's characters. Joel's backstory is different, and the way he finds Jackson is different. I may include Ellie one day, I just haven't planned that far)

Fic Summary: You worked for Joel and Tommy a few months before the outbreak. The outbreak happens, and you and Joel get stuck traveling the country and keeping each other safe. Neither of you spoke about the feelings you had for one another pre-outbreak, and in a post-apocalyptic world, it seems like survival should be your only focus. But feelings can't be ignored forever.

Fic tags: Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI), Smut, Language, Canon-Typical Violence, Alcohol Use, Age Difference (Reader is 10 years younger than Joel), slow burn, mutual pining, angst, trauma, SA referencing later but I will put a big warning on those chapters

September 2003

Work had been so busy you barely realized the summer was coming to an end. You haven’t seen a whole lot of Joel lately, save for your monthly accounting meetings with him. He would still cast glances in your direction, with a discreet smile if you caught his eye, but your one-on-one interactions have been minimal. It didn’t bother you. Actually, you were relieved because Colleen had stopped bringing up her suspicions about your relationship with him.

On this particular day, Colleen was more fixated on the other Miller brother. She was posted up in your cubical, quietly recounting for you her latest interactions with Tommy. She was frustrated because he seemed to be giving her the cold shoulder. When she caught him in the breakroom early one morning alone, she confronted him about it, and he explained that he needed to stop socializing with the women in the office.

“I knew what I was getting into when we started hooking up, but it still took me by surprise, you know?” Colleen whispered, looking distraught. She sighed, shaking her head. “I don’t know, maybe I was starting to get feelings for him, and I thought he might be, too. I'm such an idiot."

“Is there anything I can do to help?” you asked. You felt bad for your friend.

Her gaze shot up to meet yours, suddenly excited. She clasped her hands together with a huge grin.

"Yes! Let’s go out to a bar tonight! Pretty please! You never go with us, and I swear it would make me feel so much better.” Colleen had you right where she wanted you, and you fell for it. You rolled your eyes.

"Okay," you agreed.

“Yay! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I’ll see if Debbie and Kyle can come, too! We can make it a fun night out.” Kyle was the newest hire in your department, who also happened to be gay. You had grown to really like him the past several weeks. He clicked with the three of you instantly. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea.

You let yourself get a little excited at the prospect of a night out. It was a Thursday, so you told yourself as you headed to the bar to meet your friends that you had to limit yourself to two drinks. The department had a meeting with Joel the next morning and you knew it would be obvious if you were all hungover.

You walked up to the front of the bar, waving to your friends huddled in a circle waiting for you. The days were still warm, but the nights were beginning to get cooler. You wished you had thought to grab a jacket to throw over your dress for the journey home, but the alcohol would have to warm you up instead. You were relieved to find that you dressed appropriately for the night out: you had on a sleeveless black dress that hugged your hips and showed just the right amount of cleavage. You paired it with a pair of red pumps you hardly wore that gave you just a few extra inches of height. Colleen wore a similarly flirty bright pink dress with matching heels. Even Debbie, who typically wore dress pants to the office, was dressed up in a modest skirt. Kyle clued in on you first, giving you a low wolf whistle when he saw your outfit. Men had it so much easier: he simply wore a white button-down shirt with the first two buttons opened, revealing a smooth chest underneath, and a pair of black jeans.

“You look amazing, girl!” Kyle pulled you into a hug and wrapped his arm around your shoulders. The four of you headed towards the bouncer leaning up against the door.

Colleen hurried over to him and planted a kiss on his cheek, which he returned. She spoke to him for a few seconds while glancing back at the three of you, just out of earshot. Then he beckoned you all over and moved out of the way so you could squeeze inside. Colleen stood on her tiptoes to give him another kiss on the cheek, and followed you in, much to the annoyance of the people patiently waiting in line.

“Is this an exclusive spot or something?” you asked Kyle, who had removed his arm from your shoulders to grab the wallet from his back pocket.

“Kind of!” he shouted over the music. “It’s not super exclusive, but it's a little swanky.” He approached the bar to get the bartender’s attention, and then turned back to the three of you, asking what you wanted to drink.

Once you had drinks in hand, the group of you weaved around the clusters of people drinking and chatting until you found a small table to sit down.

The group of you talked loudly over the music, mostly about work, and the crowdedness of the bar. You casually glanced around, sipping on your glass of wine and taking in the beautiful chandeliers above you. The bar itself was long and made from a very dark wood, with leather covered stools pushed up against it, all of them filled with people. There was a big screen tv behind the bartenders that currently was playing some sultry music video you didn't recognize.

You noticed there were staircases on either side of the room that led to another floor, which appeared to be divided up into smaller, partially enclosed rooms. You assumed people much richer than you occupied those rooms with their friends, relying on bottle service rather than waiting at the bar for drinks.

The laughter coming from your friends drew your attention back, your vision getting a little unsteady from the wine. Your cheeks were starting to feel warm as you laughed along with them, watching as Kyle and Colleen stand up to dance to a song that just started.

You were happy Colleen seemed to be in a good mood tonight, watching as Kyle swung her around on the dance floor. Debbie stood up to get herself another drink, but you put your hand out to stop her.

"It's my turn to buy, I'll get it!" You yelled to her. She smiled and relented, reminding you of her drink order as you got up to head to the bar.

You pushed your way through the throngs of people, the place looking even more packed than before. Your head was swimming just slightly, a nice buzz settling in from the two glasses of wine you had. You reminded yourself you should probably stop drinking; it was almost midnight and you had promised yourself your max was two drinks.

You leaned against the bar, waiting to get the attention of one of the bartenders. You found it to be difficult, occasionally reaching a hand out but failing to catch their eye.

Finally, the bartender turned and looked right at you, or you thought he was looking at you, but he was actually looking right over your shoulder. You twisted around and found Joel standing directly behind you, his eyes still on the bartender, and was pointing down, flagging him down for you.

You gazed up at him, admiring up close his strong jaw and his deep brown eyes. Suddenly, you realized you really missed seeing him outside of those meetings. You missed his familiar scent of leather and citrus invading your senses, the electricity you felt when you sat across from him in his office, and... oh shit, you were too tipsy to interact with him right now.

He looked back down at you and smiled, then his gaze dipped down to take in the dress you were wearing, and his smile faltered a bit. He cleared his throat and pointed towards the bartender, who was waiting for your order. You leaned forward on the bar again and yelled your drink order to him, deciding against your better judgement to get another glass of wine.

The bartender disappeared to get your drinks, and you turned your attention back to Joel. He was wearing a dark pair of jeans with a black button-down, which was opened, revealing a plain white t-shirt underneath and clutching a leather jacket in his hand. He looked really good.

"Thank you," you said, trying to collect yourself.

Joel frowned and cupped his hand behind his ear. You stretched on your tiptoes and leaned up towards his him. You left one of your hands on the bar, and the other gently rested on his shoulder so you wouldn't fall.

"Thank you," you repeated so he could hear.

You had never been this close to him before. You absorbed the residual smell of shampoo from his hair, and the whiskey on his breath. You felt him exhale gently on the side of your neck, giving you goosebumps, and you had to bite down on your lip to keep yourself from saying something stupid.

You lowered yourself back down, forgetting you were wearing heels taller than you were used to. You stumbled a bit, but regained your balance quickly since your hand was still planted on the bar. Nonetheless, Joel shot his arm out around your waist and pulled you close, in an effort to keep you from falling, which he realized too late was unnecessary.

Your eyes trailed up his chest to meet his gaze, your lips parting slightly. Joel tensed at the feeling of your body pressed against his. You looked so fucking beautiful in that dress, it was driving him crazy. He had noticed you from his private table on the upper floor. He tried to focus on the people he was with, but he couldn't get his mind off you. When he saw you walking to the bar alone, he found an excuse to leave the table and follow you.

Joel's gaze kept flicking back and forth between your lips and your eyes. You were frozen to the ground, neither of you wanting the embrace to end. An "excuse me!" over the music dragged your attention away from Joel to the other side of the bar. The bartender told you the total as he pushed the two drinks towards you.

Begrudgingly, you untangled yourself from Joel's hold to grab your purse. Joel put his hand over yours to stop you from opening your wallet.

"Put it on my tab!" He shouted at the bartender, who nodded and gave a thumbs up. You looked back up at him with a smile.

"You didn't have to do that!"

He shrugged it off and looked down at what you had ordered. Your wine and Debbie's mixed drink. He cocked his eyebrow at you.

"Two?" he teasingly asked.

You giggled, the alcohol was going straight to your head. You jerked your head back towards your table and explained "Debbie!"

Joel looked in the direction of your table and saw Colleen, a man he barely recognized, and he now remembered Debbie from that night in the conference room.

You scooped up the two drinks from the bar and turned to thank him again, but he stopped you.

"Why don't you give Debbie her drink and we can go someplace quieter?" he said in your ear, making your breath catch in your throat.

If you had been more sober, you would have made an excuse about needing to stay with your friends. You took a sip from your glass, examining Joel's face. You wondered if he had too much to drink. Worried if he had, he would regret spending time alone with you in this type of setting. But he didn't look like he was that drunk, so you gave him a sharp nod and quickly made your way back to your friends.

You handed Debbie her drink and shouted, "I'll be right back, I'm going to get some fresh air!"

"Hold on, I'll come with you, I just have to pee!" Debbie yelled, but you shook your head. "It's alright! You stay here, I won't be long!"

"Are you sure?!"

You nodded firmly and gave a thumbs up, turning around before she could change her mind.

"Be safe!" she shouted as you disappeared into the crowd.

Joel watched you talking to your friends, hidden from them in the thicket of bodies. He wasn't sure what his plan was, he just couldn't let you go yet. He had been waiting for the right time to be honest with you. Maybe tonight, with some liquid courage, was that time.

He eyed your approaching form up and down appreciatively, his gaze lingering on your red heels. He imagined those heels on his shoulders as he thrusted into you, spread out on his bed and moaning his name. He tried to blink the fantasy away as you stopped before him, looking up at him expectantly. One step at a time.

He placed his arm around your shoulders and turned you towards the door. The air was much brisker than when you had arrived a couple hours ago, but you didn't mind. The mixture of alcohol and Joel's body heat was enough.

The two of you walked away from the line of people still waiting to get in. You slowed your pace and leaned back against the bar's cool brick wall, looking up at Joel hazily.

He took a deep breath and rested his arm on the wall above your head, giving you your space but remaining close.

You took another sip from your glass before asking "What're you doing here?"

Realizing it didn't come out how you intended, you added "this bar, I mean. D'you come here a lot?" Your words were beginning to slur.

He shifted his weight and fixed his gaze on something down the street. "It's my birthday tomorrow."

Your jaw dropped and you playfully shoved his shoulder. "I didn't know that! Happy Birthday! I should've been the one to buy you a drink!"

He smirked and brought his gaze down towards you once again.

"Nah, no need, sweetheart. It's not a big deal. Some of the guys at work insisted on bringin' me out tonight. Couldn't do it tomorrow, got plans with Tommy." You gasped at Tommy's name.

"Oh, no, is Tommy here? 'Cause Colleen was really upset earlier-" but Joel cut you off.

"No, he's on a business trip out west. We are lookin' to acquire a company out there, expand our footprint. He's comin' back tomorrow," he assured you.

"Oh, good." You relaxed, still gazing up at Joel. Your eyes trailed along his broad shoulders and chest, which were still partially caging you in. You thought about how it might feel to have his arms wrapped around you, what it would feel like to have his weight pressing against your body. A shiver went down your spine.

Joel noticed. He gently took the glass from your hand and placed it on a ledge nearby. He opened up the leather jacket he had in his other hand, motioning for you to turn around so he could put it on your shoulders. You pushed off against the wall and slowly turned, making sure you didn't stumble. He placed the cool, smooth leather carefully over your bare arms.

"Thank you," you whispered as you turned back to face him. He was looking down at you, desperately searching your eyes for something.

Feeling emboldened by the alcohol, you ran your hand up his stomach and grabbed his collar, pulling him toward you and pressing your mouth firmly on his.

He was stunned for a moment, but responded quickly. The hand that once held his jacket now cupped the side of your face, while his other arm returned to the wall above your head. You had lightly fallen back against the brick and brought both your hands to gently rest on his strong chest.

Strangely, the first thought in your head was of Justin. You were right for breaking up with him. You didn't feel a spark, but with Joel, your whole body felt on fire.

You moaned quietly, and he took that opportunity to deepen your kiss, his tongue slipping past your lips and massaging your own. You could taste a heady combination of whiskey and a hint of spearmint. It was heavenly. He pushed his mouth onto yours with more pressure, as his tongue hungrily increased its pace. You felt dizzy. So many months of buildup finally erupted in this moment. Your hands inched up to grasp his strong shoulders as he lowered himself down a fraction and pushed his upper body against yours. He moaned against your mouth and tightened his hold on your jaw. You felt your lower abdomen flutter and your panties soak with arousal.

A group of girls walked by the pair of you, giggling loudly, bringing you both back to reality. You pulled away gently, keeping your forehead pressed against his as you fought to catch your breath.

You both kept your eyes closed, panting and savoring the moment. Joel was the first to pull away. He looked down at you with heavy-lidded eyes.

"Come home with me," he whispered huskily.

You felt yourself clench at his words, so desperate to say yes. But you didn't want to be drunk your first time with him. You closed your eyes again and tipped your head back against the brick wall.

"I don't think it's a good idea," you whispered back. "I've had too much to drink, and I want to remember."

His breath hitched and his eyes squeezed shut. Fuck, he wanted you so badly. But he knew you were right. He reopened his eyes and looked back down at you, your head resting against the wall, eyelids still shut. He leaned forward, eager to kiss you again, but stopped himself: he knew if he did, he would never stop. So instead, he pushed off the wall and took your hand.

"Lemme get you back to your friends, they gotta be worried 'bout you by now."

You chewed your bottom lip as you reentered the bar, slipping his jacket off and handing it back before your friends could see. Behind you, he whispered in your ear, "You better get home, you got a big meeting with your boss tomorrow."

You turned to react, but he was already rushing back up the stairs towards his private room.

You woke up at 6am to your alarm clock blaring the voices of the local morning radio show. Your head pounded and your mouth was dry. You groaned as you rolled out of bed, quickly sitting back down when you got the spins. You chided yourself for not eating more before going out last night.

You headed to your bathroom, partially listening to the radio show as you peed. You had started to hear something about some infection overrunning hospitals in the area, but you had to turn the noise off before your head exploded.

Thankfully, a shower made you feel so much better. You only had the pounding headache to contend with now. As you applied your makeup, you took note of your swollen lips. Then the night before came rushing back to you. It hadn't been a dream, you really kissed Joel. And he invited you back to his place. Shit.

The hand holding your lipstick hovered above your mouth as you replayed the scene against the brick wall: his hand on your jaw, his tongue in your mouth, the way he tasted, the way he smelled...

You looked at the time. You couldn't dwell on it right now or you were going to miss your train. You snatched your purse from the table by the door, tripping over the hiking backpack you had forgotten to give back to Justin, and you locked your apartment door behind you.

When you walked into the accounting department, you saw Colleen slouched over her desk. She was wearing black pants with a sleeveless white blouse, a noticeable change from her usual pink dresses and skirts. You greeted her and she turned around to give you a weak smile.

"You're super hungover, too, huh?" you joked, setting your things down.

"Ugh, yes. I've never felt this shitty in my life, and I don't think I even had much to drink!"

You examined her face; she looked a lot worse than you felt. Her eyes were bloodshot, and she looked a little sweaty.

"Where did you run off to? When I got back inside, you had already left," you asked.

She perked up a little bit and said, "Oh, I went home with a really cute guy! He was super nice, but something kind of weird happened..."

You gave Colleen your full attention now, concerned. "What was it? Are you ok?"

"Oh yeah, I'm fine. But he... bit me. On the leg," she whispered. "Kind of hard. He even drew a little blood."

Your eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Are you sure you're ok? That sounds strange."

Colleen brushed you off and assured you she was fine, she said she just wasn't expecting it. You shrugged and turned back to your desk. You had more important matters to attend to anyway.

You rummaged around in the supply closet to find a loose piece of blue tissue paper. On your way into work you passed by a newspaper stand. You hardly ever stopped there before, but today you did, remembering it was Joel’s birthday. You looked around on the shelves that were next to the postcards, and you found a little something for him. You quickly wrapped it up in the used tissue paper and set it aside for later. The meeting was at 10am, you had two hours to get your game face on and shake the rest of your hangover.

Your team was already seated in the conference room for at least ten minutes before Joel stormed into the room, a stack of papers in one hand and his cell phone in the other. He didn't look like he was hungover, unlike Colleen who was getting worse by the minute. She was trying to nonchalantly hold her head up with her fist tucked under her chin, staring down at the table.

You chanced a look in Joel's direction once the meeting was underway, but he wouldn't look at you. In fact, he didn't look your way once the entire time. You were beginning to wonder if you had dreamed up what happened last night. Then the paranoia began to set in: what if he was mad at you because you refused to go home with him? He didn't seem that upset when you turned him down, but maybe you didn't notice in your drunken stupor.

The meeting was wrapping up, and he still didn’t cast one glance in your direction. Before he dismissed everyone, he asked Heather if you could bring the quarterly reports up to his office later. He still wouldn’t look at you, just directly at Heather, even when openly talking about you. You furrowed your brow, confused. Heather seemed a bit confused as well, but she assured him you would, looking over at you and nodding.

You got back to your desk, still perplexed about the cold shoulder from Joel. You sifted through the mail that was left for you while everyone was upstairs, and about 20 minutes later, Heather came into the room to give you the reports Joel requested. She reminded you to make copies and bring the originals back to her.

You stood up, shoving the small gift you got for Joel in your pants pocket, when your eyes fell on Colleen again, chugging water and sweating so much her hair was growing damp.

“Colleen! What is going on with you?” you exclaimed, shocked at how much she had deteriorated since that morning.

“Girl, I don’t know, but I need to go home. I think I have a fever, and” she dropped her voice lower, “that bite on my leg looks kind of nasty.”

"Oh my god," you gasped. "I heard on the radio today about some weird infection going around, you might have it! You should go to the ER!”

Colleen nodded but it looked like she was hardly listening to you.

"I just gotta go to the bathroom real quick and then I’m gonna leave. I’ll stop by Heather’s office before I go.”

“Do you need me to bring you anything? I can stop by later with some soup," you offered, but Colleen shook her head.

"I just need to sleep, but thanks," she said.

You parted ways with Colleen, only after promising to stop by this weekend to check on her, and made your way to the copy room before heading up to Joel’s office. Kyle was the only other person in the room when you got there.

“Hey!” you said, excited to see him. "Last night was so much fun!”

Kyle laughed and agreed.

"I just wish we got to dance together!" he said. "You disappeared outside for so long!”

You giggled, pushing the thoughts of your rendezvous with Joel from your mind, and stretched your arm out to him.

“Better late than never!” you said with a giggle.

Even though there was no music, you both swung each other around the copy room, laughing while Kyle tried, badly, to sing Beyoncé.

You felt like you finally belonged somewhere. So happy you had found some friends, and maybe even something more with Joel. You were actually making it work in New York City, like you always wanted. You giggled as Kyle wrapped his arms around your waist and continued to sing off key.

Joel was heading back from Heather’s office towards the elevator after she assured him that you were already on your way up to his office with the reports he requested. He had tossed and turned all night, replaying your kiss over and over. How soft your lips felt, the taste of the pinot grigio on your tongue, the feel of your fingertips digging into his shoulders… he was glad you had the presence of mind to not come home with him. He didn’t want to rush things with you, he wanted to do things right.

It was hard, but he had to force himself not to look at you during that meeting. If he did, he couldn't be sure if he would be able to hide his feelings for you in front of the whole accounting department. It's been so long since he felt this way about somebody, it was awakening something in him he thought was long gone.

He needed to get you alone. He had decided on a plan to ask you to dinner tomorrow night, and he wasn’t going to try to fuck you on the first date, either. He didn’t know what he was thinking last night – why would he push you like that? He wanted more, and he knew that took time.

He rounded the corner when he heard your beautiful laugh reach his ears. A smile stretched across his face before he could stop it: you just had that effect on him. He peered around the corner and froze at the scene before him.

There you were, with another man, in that fucking copy room, dancing and laughing with his arms around your waist. Joel’s smile quickly faded, and he saw red. His fists clenched at his sides, his anger boiling over.

Before he did something stupid, he marched to the elevator and got into the empty car, punching the number ‘10’ repeatedly, willing the doors to close faster.

Once he was in the safety of his own office with the door shut, he paced around the room replaying the events he had just witnessed. How could he read the situation so wrong? Of course you wouldn’t be interested in him, how could he be so stupid? And in that goddamn copy room, the same place he caught Amy with the CFO of his own fucking company. He was glad he at least refrained from pummeling the guy you were dancing with, unlike that time with Amy when he had nearly put that bastard into the hospital.

He had been so wrapped up in his anger that he didn’t hear his door open and you walk in.

“Joel?” you called out to him sweetly, which just pissed him off even more. How could you jump from one guy to the next without missing a beat?

He whipped around and saw you standing there, reports in one hand and something else clenched in the other one.

He stretched out his hand aggressively, scowl etched on his face.

“Give ‘em to me," he said gruffly.

You faltered for a moment, surprised at the hostility, but stepped forward and handed him the papers, which he all but ripped from your hand. Your smile quickly faded from your lips, the uncertainty settling in.

Shit, he IS pissed you didn’t sleep with him last night.

He sat down at his desk. Without any direction, you sat down nervously in the chair across from him, waiting patiently with his gift hidden in your lap. Maybe he is one of those people who hates their birthday and that's why he was moody. You looked down at your gift and decided if you gave it to him, maybe it would lift his spirits.

You raised your head, opening your mouth about to wish him a happy birthday, but clamped it shut when he suddenly cut you off.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doin’?” he asked darkly, still not looking up from the reports.

You stiffened, not sure what he was referring to. The anger in his tone made you anxious.

"W-what do you mean?”

His eyes shot up to meet yours, icy and hardened.

"You know exactly what I mean, prancin’ around this office every day, screwin’ anything that moves,” he snarled at you. “You think you can add me to your list? Use me, for what? A raise or somethin’? What’s your angle?”

You stared at him, jaw dropped, trying to process what he just said. This can’t be happening. What was going on? Was this about Justin? That was so long ago.

“Close your mouth, sweetheart,” he spat, the term of endearment he so charmingly used to use on you, now filled with hate. "You go use it on someone else, I got no use for a whore.”

You swore in that moment, time stood still. Anything else he said after that, you didn’t hear. Your vision narrowed and your ears were ringing. A whore?

His mouth kept moving, and you kept staring, but you couldn’t hear any of it. You felt your lips and fingers go numb first. Then a buzzing invaded your head and your whole body tensed. Joel continued to growl things in your direction, but none of it got through to you. This was the man that everyone warned you about. This was who he really was. You were foolish to think something else was there. He just wanted to fuck you, just like his brother fucked half the staff, and when you refused, you saw the man for who he really was. A whore?!

“Stop.” You said calmly. Too calmly. And Joel obeyed, taken aback at your response.

“Nobody,” you said, standing up and glaring at him now, “nobody speaks to me that way. Do you understand me?” Joel just stared at you, his eyes still flashing with anger, unsure how to respond.

“I don’t know who you think you are,” you continued, pointing a finger at him, “and personally, I don’t give a shit. I will not sit here and listen to you berate me for absolutely no reason, for a job I could do anywhere else!” Your voice was rising now as you cast your arm out to gesture towards the city behind him.

Joel sat motionless in his chair, listening to your outburst. He was used to people crying, or even yelling obscenities back, but not this.

Your adrenaline was kicking in now, and you began to feel shaky and weak. You needed to leave.

Chest heaving, unblinkingly staring him right in the eye, you quietly said, “Fuck you, Joel. I quit.”

You turned on your heel and headed towards the door, your hands shaking so badly you dropped his birthday gift, but you had to keep walking. You couldn't risk letting him see you cry.

Your instinct was to wait for the elevator, but you were worried he might emerge from his office and see you, so you walked past Ruby's desk to the stairwell. She definitely had overheard some of your argument with Joel. She gawked at you as you walked by her desk briskly, but your eyes were focused straight ahead.

You pushed the door open and nearly ran down to the 6th floor, back to the sanctity of your cubical. You snatched your purse onto your shoulder and hastily grabbed a box from under your desk. Tipping it over to empty it, you threw a few personal effects into the box.

You didn't bother to say anything to Debbie or Kyle, vaguely noting Colleen was already gone, or even Heather. You figured Joel could fill her in himself. What an asshole.

This time you felt safe to wait for the elevator, tears stinging the back of your eyes. Grateful the car opened empty, you lept inside and jabbed the lobby button repeatedly.

You could taste your freedom. You saw the exit, not even registering the security guards rushing past you, weapons drawn. You were focused on leaving this place behind you and thanking the stars above you didn't fall for Joel's seductive trap. At least you still had your dignity.

It must have been lunchtime by now, the streets looked more packed than usual as you marched down the sidewalk. It wasn't until later you realized people were running and screaming. You were so wrapped up in your own drama, you didn't even notice.

That was, until you heard Joel's voice yelling your name.

You thought you hallucinated it, your foolish imagination running away with you again, but you kept hearing it, at least three times now. Your place slowed, and your focus began to come back to the world around you. Why were all these people running?

Suddenly, you felt a strong hand on your shoulder. You turned around, looking up to see Joel's softened expression, gasping from trying to catch up with you.

You frowned, blinking away the tears that threatened to spill down your cheeks. Before you could lash out at him, he spoke.

"Please, just stop and listen to me."

Before he could continue, six trucks filled with FEDRA soldiers pulled up in front of the building, capturing your attention.

They stormed the building, guns drawn, as you watched helplessly. You heard screaming, and then gunshots. You stood frozen to the ground, stunned. Another terrorist attack, your mom was right.

Joel's eyes looked panicked and confused, before he grasped you by your shoulders and forced your attention back on him. He said something to you, but you didn't hear it, still staring at him, dazed.

"Run!" He yelled, again. That time you heard him. You dropped the box in your arms as he grasped your hand in his own, dragging you both down the street, opposite the office building.

Chapter Six

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silly-inky · 3 months

Text

Hazbin Hotel Characters Ages

TW: mention of death, drugs, alcohol, guns

So I got bored and wondered about the ages of some of the Hazbin Hotel characters, so here is the information I gathered, this also includes their theorised causes of death as well

Just be aware that some of this information may not be the most accurate so if I get something wrong do forgive me

Anyways

Charlie is in her 200’s, she doesn’t exactly look it, but she is immortal and her parents haven’t exactly aged much either, so she appears to be in her 20’s

Angel Dust died in his mid 30’s in 1947 from a drug overdose, he is the only one (apart from Baxter) who has a confirmed cause of death

so that would put him currently in his 110’s

Husk died at 75 in the 1970’s his death is not confirmed but is theorised to be from alcohol poisoning/ some other alcohol related incident, or he possibly could of took his own life

That would put him currently in his 120’s

(that would mean he would be, at the oldest, 52 when angel dust died)

Vaggie died in her 20’s in 2014, she does not have a confirmed cause of death, the theories I have heard about her death may not fit well now that we are aware she originally ended up in Heaven

So that currently puts her in her 30’s

Niffty died at 22 in the 1950’s, she does not have a confirmed cause of death, but some theorise it was either from being shot, falling down a chimney/ into a fireplace or being caught in a house fire

Which puts her currently in her late 90’s to early 100’s

Alastor died in his 30’s-40’s in 1933, his cause of death was a dog related incident, it is theorised he was shot and killed in a hunting accident (Alastor was either hiding a body, or was out hunting himself, when another hunter’s dog(s) was alerted to Alastor’s presence and started barking at him, the hunter mistook him for a deer and shot him in the head, and then was possibly mauled by the dogs afterwards)

So that currently put him In his late 120’s to his early 130’s

Sir Pentious died in his 40’s in 1888, he does not have confirmed cause of death but it has been theorised that he died to an invention failure

Which currently puts him in his late 170’s

Cherri Bomb died in her 20’s in the 1980’s, she does not have a confirmed cause of death but it had been theorised she was shot and killed by police during one of her rallies judging by the X’s on her body, tho is could of also been in an explosion she caused

Which currently puts her in her 60’s

(Dickhead) Valentino died in his mid 40’s in the 1970’s, he does not have a confirmed cause of death but has been theorised to have died from some form of std probably HIV/AIDS, since it was around the time of the AIDS crisis between the 1970’s and 1980’s where unfortunately a lot of people, primarily gay men, were getting it and passing away (I’m apologise but I really don’t like this character)

which currently puts him in his 90’s

Vox died in his 30-40’s in the 1950’s, he does not have a confirmed cause of death but has been theorised to have been killed on set with a piece of equipment or a literal TV (he could have been a TV host in life)

Which currently puts him in his 100’s

The list of oldest to youngest with years of existence overall

Charlie (200’s)

Sir Pentious (late 170’s)

Alastor (120’s-130’s)

Husk (120’s)

Angel (110’s)

Vox (100’s)

Niffty (90’s-100’s)

Valentino (90’s)

Cherri bomb (60’s)

Vaggie (30’s)

The list of oldest to youngest according to the age they were when they first died (this is more of a rough estimate and personal opinion)

Husk (75)

Valentino (mid 40’s)

Sir Pentious (40’s)

Alastor (30’s-40’s)

Vox (30’s-40’s)

Angel dust (mid 30’s)

Cherri bomb (20’s)

Vaggie (20’s)

Niffty (22)

If you are interested in learning more about the characters causes of death theories, there are a few posts on Reddit and YouTube (and here ofc) that go more into depth about it, the video I originally watched was:

“How every Hazbin Hotel character perished” by the YouTuber KolkoCat

I believe the YouTuber “Ayy Lmao” has also touched on the topic multiple times as his channel is mostly dedicated to Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss content, you can also find other theories, reviews and analysis about the show there as well

#hazbin hotel #angel dust #hazbin hotel husk #charlie morningstar #vaggie #niffty #sir pentious #alastor #the dickhead #hazbin hotel vox

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seemycee · 4 months

Text

🦢 𝙈𝙀𝙍𝘾𝙐𝙍𝙔 𝙎𝙌𝙐𝘼𝙍𝙀 𝙎𝘼𝙏𝙐𝙍𝙉: 𝘿𝙀𝘽𝙍𝙄𝙀𝙁 🦢

• so here we are again having another debrief this time about the aspect “mercury squared saturn”. i have a lot to say about her, so i suggest you get comfortable cause i will be rambling. as always i’m writing from my own perspective of having this as my tightest aspect. of course you may not 100% align with what i’m saying cause charts differ, but i’m always writing from a place of being informative and just good ole fun. picture me and this post as a fish, tumblr as my fishbowl and you guys are observing me and my behavior. for context, my 6h aquarius mercury is squaring my 9h taurus saturn.

• out of all my aspects i have in my chart i think this is the hardest, and i have so many so you know i’m serious. people who have this aspect are one the highest strongest soldiers, especially the ones who haven’t overcame it and still manage to exist.

• this aspect manifested in my life in such a strange way and out of nowhere. when i was a child, i had a very high-pitched voice. not the normal young squeaky little kid voice. it gave very much did you suck the helium out of balloons every morning??? this probably has more to do with my aquarius mercury conjunct uranus, but i’m painting a picture for you guys. mostly a lot of people liked my voice minus my father, and a few kids in my school. who assumed i was putting on a voice and should’ve grown out of said voice at 10???

• so because the constant harassment of my voice, i started speaking in a more soft-spoken tone, as not to draw attention to my voice. then on top of that, i wouldn’t talk much so when i started attending middle school people assumed i was shy when in fact, i was the furthest thing from shy. but the thought of publicly speaking, after being judged, so harshly at a young age, gave me really bad anxiety. that i just recently overcame at 21 years old.

• having this aspect 🫱🏾‍🫲🏼 being highly critical of yourself. this hit me like a ton of bricks because mercury is my chart ruler plus i’m a virgo rising so you know, every little thing about myself, i hated. especially during my hormonal teenage years. i used to constantly have this nervous tick where i would pull my shirt back into place after it started bunching up. another one i had where i’m constantly brushing my eyebrow back into place. i always thought people were looking at me. so in my head, i thought trying to be perfect. all the time would spare me being judged.

• the constant, putting myself down was another big one with this aspect. i ruined so many opportunities for myself when i was younger. i let the thoughts of being inadequate get too loud and scare me. i could be 100% qualified to do something, and i would somehow still think i’m completely unqualified to do it. even with people gassing me up. which i hate now as an adult cause, i don’t even think twice about doing something now.

• like most things touched by saturn. things got better overtime. being insecure about every little thing forced me to work harder and perfect my crafts. funny thing is it took me working in the real world and dealing with people 24/7. for me to be able to shed my anxious skin of my teen self. cause.

1. started to realize nobody cared and we all have our own issues we’re dealing with

2. started noticing people don’t perceive me the way i perceive myself

3. i was caught up in a outdated way of viewing myself that i didn’t notice the change and development of myself

• on a lighter note another way this aspect manifested for me is me being a history nut. i love all types of history, especially music history. i’m like a human shazam. think of the most obscure song playing in a store and i bet you, i can name the artist performing the song and give you details about their career. i also consume an unhealthy amount of history content from youtube. mainly old true crime and beauty practices from different time periods.

• also another thing i noticed with this aspect is not being able to share your ideas. i remember wanting to contribute to certain things then going never mind because i thought my ideas were dumb. then having people pull my teeth to get me to share and be blown away with said ideas. ex: all my friends up here in ny make drill music or r&b music. then you have me over here going against the grain composing new wave/post disco music which is just disco music without the beat overpowering the vocals. i’ve been doing this in private for weeks and i didn’t wanna share it with my friends or mother cause i didn’t think it was urban enough and that it was a silly idea that wasn’t gonna go anywhere and i just fall back into writing regular r&b music. i ended up telling them cause i like new wave a lot more than r&b music and i’m passionate about it. they actually liked the direction i’m going in, so it wasn’t silly idea after all.

• lastly i was so late to social media in terms of taking pictures of myself and posting them online. omg i used to hate the idea of even exposing myself in that manner. my friend literally had to beg me to join instagram, now all i do is over share and post my outfits. this makes sense since mercury deals with social media and saturn with delays and restrictions. i was already on internet for a long time and had a lot of notoriety on twitter during the mid to late 10s but nobody knew “me” cause i didn’t wanna be known as myself. even when i did start posting myself i started comparing myself to other people and it got bad so quick. i literally used to build up my instagrams just to delete them when i got self conscious. my friends used to hate that cause i used to get a lot of likes and would promote them. *in my gwen stafani voice* : i’m just a girl 🥲

𝙄𝙉 𝘾𝙊𝙉𝘾𝙇𝙐𝙎𝙄𝙊𝙉

• even though this is a very mentally taxing aspect there’s still a lot of positive that it creates once you learn your worth and see your power. i went from being very unsure of myself and constantly self sabotaging cause of intrusive thoughts. to now being fully confident in myself and everything that i do. due to me working and constantly bettering myself as a person. that’s not an easy thing to do but it’s not impossible and everyone will get there at their own pace. 🫂

#astro community #astrology observations #astro notes #astro tumblr #astrology #astrology placements #mercury #saturn #astrology tumblr #astrology community #astrology notes

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hamiltonaf · 10 months

Text

Fender Bender | Kylian Mbappé

Pairing: Kylian Mbappé x Hakimi Sister!Reader

Requested: Anonymous

Word Count: 1.6K

Warnings: Angst turns into fluff / Mention of an accident / Enemies to Lovers

A/N: Thank you anon for requesting. Got a bit carried away because I’m really sick. Working on other requests so bare with me, hopefully will be posting again soon. Anywho hope you guys enjoy. Ciao .xoxo

(Y/N/N) - Your Nick Name

Another day, another reason to hate Kylian. I swear the days that Achraf has training or a match, it’s actually a nightmare for me to pick him up and drop him off.

I know it sounds ridiculous that I may be over dramatic but gosh I have a lot of patience and tolerance when it comes to me having to hear Kylian pass unnecessary remarks.

I could easily tell Achraf to get himself a driver but at the same time I don’t want to accept ‘defeat’ to Kylian’s 2 cent comments.

A few times he did say things that hurt me but I didn’t let it get to me, instead I said something twice as worse. It works every time.

I can distinctly remember the day he came over to our house and just so happens that evening I was going out for a girls night. I felt confident and content after quite a while since I don’t go out much. I wore a beautiful red dress that was fitting for our night out. All the happiness in me was drained when I saw Kylian’s face as I was leaving.

“Have you seen Achraf ?” I asked him as I went to grab my car keys. “He’s upstairs” he said as he leaned back on the counter. “Okay well I’m in a hurry, please tell him that I’m gone out and I’ll be back later. Just tell him to text me” I said hurriedly. “Okay I will…but are you trying to hide that you’re going on a date ? I’m surprised someone can actually tolerate you” he said with arrogance. “First of all, it’s none of your business and second of all, that’s pretty rich coming from you” I said lastly as I was just about to head out. “You know you don’t have to be a complete ass to be funny” I lastly said with my back still facing towards him before I slammed the door and left.

It’s been about 2 weeks since that happened and we haven’t spoken since then. A bit dramatic…I know. It’s quite obvious to me that he wants to say something stupid every time he sees me but something is holding him back. His need to be stubborn.

I was on my way to pick up Achraf from training, usually I leave early so I have time to park off and watch them train, especially Kylian. Is it bad timing that I think I caught feelings for him… but we’ll just pretend for now that those feelings don’t exist.

Unfortunately I was stuck in the midst of traffic as peak-hour was nearing. It didn’t bother me because I was used to it by now, as long as I have my playlist blasting, then I’m good to go.

Traffic seemed to have subsided when the cars ahead started speeding up, until the car in front of me hit dead brakes. I slammed on the brakes saving myself from causing an accident, but it went downhill when I heard tyres screeching and was hit so hard that I had whiplash. My head hit the dashboard with a hard thud as my car had unfortunately knocked into the one in front of me.

The pain immediately hit my head and I could feel a migraine incoming. Squeezing my eyes shut in hopes that it will miraculously help with the pain, it didn’t. I sat up and rubbed at my forehead before jumping out of the car. The middle aged man came rushing over to me, “Oh my god I’m so so sorry, are you okay ?” He asked worried. “No I’m not okay ! What were you thinking ?” I yelled. “Ma’am you were the one at fault, you suddenly slammed your breaks” he argued. “Excuse me ? What speed were you doing when we’re currently in peak our traffic ?” I yelled again. A middle aged woman joined our conversation, she was the one who got him by me. Thankfully she was siding with me and in a way she helped me cool down since I got hotheaded. I mean can you even blame me if this man ruined my afternoon and now I’m the one who has to endure the pain.

Luckily nothing happened to either of them, since I was sandwiched between both cars then I had to suffer. I ended up getting lost in the time phoning my mum and insurance that it didn’t occur to me that Achraf is done with training. It wasn’t until his name flashed on my screen and I felt like slapping my forehead, but I was already in enough pain.

“Heyy (Y/N/N) ! Where are you ? Normally you’re here quite early” he said. “Hey ! Uhh yeah about that… I met in an accident so I can’t make it” I said as I shut my eyes to erase the image of how upset Achraf is gonna be.

“Say what now ? You met in an accident !” He yelled on the other side. “Don’t stress, I’m okay. I thought mum would’ve called” I held back a laugh. “She did, I have like 5 missed calls from her and like 10 messages but I was more concerned why you weren’t here. Are you sure you’re okay ? I don’t think you are” he said worried. “I’m fine, really” I tried to ease his mind from stressing. “Please send me your location and send me pictures of the accident. I’m coming to you right now with Kylian” he ordered. Damn it. “I’m telling you to chill out because it’s-“ I argued. “Shut up please, gosh why are you so stubborn. Send me your location. Bye” he said lastly as he ended the call. I shook my head as I texted him my location.

I exchanged details with both drivers and we patiently waited till someone came over to fetch us. Of course my brother comes first and he’s here within 5 minutes. “Oh my god” Achraf said in shock as he took a quick glance at the car. “Are you okay ? Look at your forehead ! It’s red and looks like it’s swelling up !” He argued. “And you said you were okay” he mocked. Kylian came up from behind him and looked at me in shock. Do I look that bad ?

“Yes” “No” both of them said at the same time. Damn did I speak out loud ? “Why are we still standing here, we need to go to the hospital !” Achraf said. “But what about the car ?” I pouted. As if on queue, someone arrived to tow my car. Both Kylian and Achraf pulled me by my arms into the car, seating me in between them. “You guys are being so dramatic gosh” I rolled my eyes. “Have you taken a look in the mirror ?” Achraf raised a brow. “Uhm no. Should I ?” I asked concerned. “No no, you rather not” Kylian said from beside me. “It can’t be that bad” I scoffed as I opened my front camera.

My smile dropped and so did my heart when I saw the redness on my forehead as well as the slight swelling. My emotions took over as the tears welled up in my eyes and I burst out crying. “Oh my god I look terrible !” I sobbed. “(Y/N/N) stop crying. You’ll be fine and the swelling will be gone by tomorrow” Achraf said as he rubbed my back. “Don’t cry please” Kylian said as he pulled me in for a hug and rubbed my arm to try to calm me down. It actually helped.

As we reached the hospital, I was taken straight to the ER. I thought I was going alone to see the doctor but no. Kylian decided to join me since Achraf was sorting out the paper work and was keeping our mum updated. After the doctor consulted me, he prescribed me some medication and gave me an ice pack for now to quickly ease the swelling. Once he left the room, it was just Kylian and I. Pure silence - comforting but not awkward.

He walked from across the room to stand in front of me, I had no choice but to make eye contact with him. “I’m sorry” he sighed. “For ?” I furrowed my brows. “For saying something so stupid the other day. It was meant to be a joke and I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings” he pouted. “It’s okay. I’m also sorry for snapping at you” I pursed my lips. “Don’t apologise, I deserved it” he half laughed. “Yeah you kinda did” I smiled. “I have to admit…these past 2 weeks have been terrible” he said as he took a seat next to me. “And why’s that ?” I asked. “Because I haven’t been talking to you… I know we play fight a lot but please don’t deny that deep down you feel something too. I missed your voice, I missed your smile, your laugh and especially seeing you angry”

“I hate to admit, but I feel the same way” I smiled. “Wait really ?” He said in shock. I nodded my head in reassurance. “That made my day…I’m sorry for the bad timing to drop this news to you. I swear I’ll make it up to you mon amour” he smiled as he then kissed my forehead. “Ky, my head is already buzzing from this accident. I can’t get butterflies too” I tried to not grin. “It’s okay, I’ll make the butterflies overpower the headache” he said as then peppered kisses all over my face.

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wyvernne · 5 months

Text

see you through til the day’s end (rewrite) teaser

taking a quick study break to post this for y’all. i have not read over it again nor has it been edited, so forgive me for any errors. i know a lot of you are also dealing with final exams, so good luck, and remember to take care of yourselves!!

————-

It was a stupid way to get caught. You’re not sure if it was the cold that dumbed you down, dulled your senses so gravely.

You slipped. That’s all it took. A single misstep is going to cost you your life.

What was supposed to be a simple reconnaissance on the growing Fatui encampments has quickly become the site of the last moments of your life.

You sigh. What a pathetic way to die. The soldiers did quite a number on you, too. You’re sure you have at least a concussion. Maybe a few broken ribs.

You tug halfheartedly on your restraints. The Fatui are no strangers to taking captives. Of course they know how to keep one tied down.

“Oh? What little mouse fell into the trap?” You freeze. It’s a voice you’ve only heard once before.

Your heart thumps sickeningly in your chest for a beat before you raise your head. It’s… a different one. A little older, but still a young man.

Dottore smiles at you. His face is entirely obscured by his mask, save for his eerie, chilling grin.

“I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure of officially meeting before,” you offer. You try not to sound afraid. Your heartbeat gives you away, certainly. You’re fucked. You’re so fucked.

Dottore’s smile never changes. “Is that so? You seem quite familiar.” He tilts his head. “Ah. Perhaps it’s the scent of the Abyss. It does quite remind me of that young man.”

He must be talking about the eleventh. You grit your teeth. “You must be mistaken.”

“Surely not,” Dottore replies pleasantly. He’s taking his sweet time getting to the point, really.

“Ah, that’s it!” He snaps his fingers dramatically, as if he’s suddenly remembered a particularly amusing factoid. “You’ve been in the company of a certain young winery owner before, too.”

A chill slips down your spine. You maintain your smile. “I’m merely a distant associate.”

Dottore’s doesn’t even grace you with a response, and the silence makes your heart beat faster.

You continue speaking, struggling to keep your voice steady. “I’m flattered that a lord harbinger himself is even gratifying me with his time.”

Dottore guffaws, doubling over in laughter. “Ah! So much spunk. It’s refreshing to have a subject who isn’t cowering in fear. How exciting.”

His laughter dies down abruptly. It’s just as chilling as when it began.

“Shall we run a little impromptu experiment?” he asks. Bile rises in your throat. You’d rather just have a swift end, really. Who knows what kind of circumstances Dottore will keep you alive under.

He draws a knife from his belt. It’s… it’s far more mundane than you thought. At the very least, it seems like he won’t be injecting you with some strange substance. “It’s a pity I don’t have my laboratory equipment with me here… but I supposed we’ll just need to make do. After all, the process is the fun of it.”

“Process,” you repeat, stupidly. It’s too cold, and your head was hit too hard. Your brain isn’t working like it should. You— you should be planning some grand escape. Instead you can barely follow the conversation happening between you.

“Do you know how much blood is in the human body?” he asks, spinning the knife carelessly in his palm.

You manage a dry laugh. “I haven’t measured. Don’t tell me you treat all your hostages with such hospitality?”

“How arrogant,” he scoffs. “You’re merely the delicious morsel of cheese. The real prize has yet to show itself.”

What the fuck is he on about?

He pulls something out of his pocket with his free hand. You spoke too soon.

You jerk against the restraints reflexively at the sight. A small vial. He pops the stopper with practiced ease, dribbling the viscous liquid over the length of the blade.

He pulls you up against him, sliding an arm around you. It’s like you’ve been already been drugged, your mind slow to comprehend what’s happening. His words keep ringing in your head. “You’ve a little more blood in you than… say, six and a half bottles of wine.”

And then there’s a sharp blow to your back, sending white hot pain jolting through your body.

You gasp, as if the air has been knocked from your lungs. The wheezing, wet sobs that rip from your lungs shake your body, but it hardly compares to the searing ache in your back. Dottore smiles. “I wouldn’t move so much, dear. Unless you’d like me to sever your spinal cord.”

He jerks his arm up, lifting you with the sheer force of his movement. He’s playing a dangerous game, cutting into you so blindly, so close to your spine—

You choke on the thought. He doesn’t care.

You don’t scream. Can’t. It’s like the air around you has been sucked away, and you can’t seem to get a single breath down. The only thing that comes from your mouth is a horrible, strangled gurgle.

He laughs, pulling the dagger out with ease. You sag, eyes wide. Move. Do something. Fight back.

You’re still gasping, choking on nothing. What is the point? Of this? Of any of it?

Dottore chuckles, wiping the dagger haphazardly on your shirt. “I guess you do bleed like we do. Shall we continue?”

You’re bleeding too much too fast. You can see it starting to pool around your feet, blossoming out in the snow.

You jerk against your restraints, throwing your knee up with a shout. You catch Dottore in the stomach, but he hardly reacts to your blow. He leans closer, so close you can feel his breath on your face.

“How impudent,” he mutters, smashing the hilt of the knife into your temple. A shock of pain shoots through your head, and you bite down to silence a sob.

Why is he wasting his time on you? Your thoughts feel hazy. Maybe it’s just pain for the sake of it.

Pain for the sake of it.

Why can’t you catch your breath? You’re teary, but still, no sound can form in your throat. You feel like you’re suffocating.

An agent materializes behind him, kneeling obediently.

“Didn’t I say to leave me to my work?” Dottore huffs, exasperated. He’s speaking so flippantly, like someone just interrupted his daily newspaper reading.

You can’t tell how deep the wound is like this. It’s— it’s long.

You have… minutes, maybe, until you’ve lost too much. There’s no fighting your way out of this. There’s no winning here.

You barely catch the last wisps of conversation.

“…Forgive me, lord harbinger. The Tsaritsa has sent a message.”

Dottore clicks his tongue in annoyance, tossing the dagger into the snow as he turns away. “Well, I’ve lost interest, regardless. Lucky little you.”

The agent slices the restraints down with a swift movement. You crumple to the ground, gasping desperately for air. Dottore starts away from you, but then stops and smiles over his shoulder. “Your life is ticking away, you know.”

You barely register his words. Every second matters, now. You clamber unsteadily to your feet. Despite the freezing snow you’ve started to sweat, your muscles trembling with the effort of holding yourself up.

You take a stumbling step backwards. Not a single Fatuus makes a move to stop you. They watch you with their robotic, empty gazes. You take another, and then turn on your heel and run.

It hurts. It hurts like death. But you won’t win a fight here, and Dottore is bitterly right. Five minutes, at most. Five minutes before you’ve lost too much blood.

Your movements are sluggish and stilted, and the world seems to teeter on your vision. Like hell you’ll let yourself die without putting up a fight.

It’s only a few yards to the cliff side. Water rushes past you and you sway for a moment, nearly losing your balance.

You feel ill. This rush of adrenaline won’t last you much longer, not with how badly he’s cut you. Not with how much this hurts.

It’s a long drop. You know better than anyone. Still, you launch yourself forward, feet slipping on the last rock, and plummet into the raging water below. If you’re going to lose your life, you’ll lose it to the torrents of nature. Not to some damned harbinger’s passing fancies.

———————————

You’ve broken… something. It’s hard to tell at this point, even as you drag yourself onto the snowy banks of the river. Everything fucking hurts. It’s a miracle you didn’t split your skull in half on the rocks below, although the intense throb in your right ankle says you didn’t make it out entirely unscathed. Thankfully it’s cold enough, and you’ve lost enough blood. The bitter ache of any broken bones seems dulled entirely.

You can see the fading lights of Dawn Winery in the distance, but you’ve lost your gamble. You have minutes left, at most. You close your eyes.

You’re going to die here, bleeding out in the snow. Pathetic. To survive the Abyss only to die like a drowned rat.

You’re tired. So, so tired.

Even in this unbearable cold you feel sleep calling you, soothing you from your wounds and fatigue.

It would be so easy, just to let go.

You open your mouth, but all that comes out is a drawn, shrill gasp, drowned out by the sound of the waterfall behind you. Fucking hell.

One chance. That’s all you have.

It takes tremendous effort to get your tongue in the right position. You suck in air desperately, flinching at the shock that travels up from your ribs, and blow.

It’s a weak sound, at first, but it’s all you have.

Luckily, her hearing is better than any human’s.

It takes… twenty seconds, maybe. Thirty at most. You hear her shrieks overhead, having spotted her prey. But she’s no ordinary bird. You’re thankful for that, at least.

She vanishes again, and you’re left alone in the snow.

You jolt, startled. You nearly fell asleep. But you can’t. Not now. Just a little longer.

It feels like an eternity. You can’t feel your hands or feet anymore. All that’s left is a dull ache, and each breath you take feels like an enormous amount of effort.

In. Out. In. Out. Stay awake. Stay awake.

Finally, there’s a murmur of voices, the thumping of feet along the ground. Hands coming up to lift you from the snowy bank. You can’t focus well. Spots dance beneath your eyelids, and your breathing feels fluttery and faint.

“Stay awake, now,” One of the voices whispers. You’d know it anywhere. The warmth, the scent. Diluc.

‘Sorry’ you want to say. The words don’t come. Nothing comes, after that. Just darkness.

#hoping this will be posted very soon y’all #also subject to change because i’m still undecided about some things #wyvernne’s ramblings #diluc ragnvindr #genshin fanfic #diluc fanfic #genshin impact #diluc ragnvindr fanfiction #dottore #hurt/comfort #cw: violence

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whereianonymouslypostfics · 1 year

Text

Recon

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x reader

Word count: ~4.5k

Summary: You and Wanda meet.

A/N: I’ve been wanting to write this for so long. Did I say I was going to wait until tomorrow to post this? Whoops. Enjoy!

Warnings: Fluff.

When you leave the lecture hall, your mind is on the class you just finished, and when you’re going to have the chance to study for the exam that’s next week. You’re less than a year away from being done with university, and you’ve already submitted your application for veterinary school. However, as you continue to gain experience by working at a vet clinic a few times a week, and study your ass off to keep getting good grades, you realize that you are running yourself into the ground.

You’re exhausted and despite enjoying what you’re learning for the most part, physics being the exception, you need another outlet. You need something to do that’s not school or vet-related so you don’t burn yourself out. You sleep, wake up, and go to class, study between classes, and then go home and study some more. If you’re lucky, you have time to eat three meals a day and get time to decompress before going to bed. If you’re unlucky and it’s exam week, you don’t even leave the library for days except to shower and sleep.

Since you live alone and have no pets, other than a fish that you don’t pay enough attention to, you don’t have anyone to force you to relax. You promise yourself you’ll do better once this next anatomy exam is done, but all thoughts of planning a movie marathon soon leave your mind when you spot her.

You’re still moving along with the crowd of people fleeing the lecture hall when you see a beautiful brunette waiting in the lobby. You look away quickly because you don’t want to be caught staring, but you’re only about to resist for a few steps before you are looking at her again.

You’re certain that you haven’t seen her before because despite being in your own world sometimes, you tend to notice the important things. Especially, ridiculously attractive women. The first thing you notice beyond her hair because that’s always the first thing you notice, are her eyes. As she looks around for someone, probably one of your classmates, you see her bright green eyes that you’d love to get lost in. You’ve always had a weakness for them in the past. Her dark makeup only accentuates her natural beauty, and you hope as you see her gaze pass over you, that you’re not drooling.

You don’t have time to look away again before you feel someone push past you as they walk through a doorway. You; however, don’t make it and you slam into the door frame with an undignified grunt and cringe at the fact that you probably just drew a lot of attention to yourself for being so distracted.

“Fuck.”

Wanda had been on campus for over an hour already and she was getting bored. She hadn’t been around so many people close to her age before and it felt foreign to her. She’d never gone to university. After finishing high school and graduating valedictorian, she’d decided to help her parents and brother with the family business. Then they’d died and she hadn’t been given a choice about whether she wanted to keep things running. It had been a difficult time, and that was barely a year ago that she and Pietro had been orphaned. Their losses still seemed fresh on some days, but as Wanda wanders around campus looking for her target, she’s reminded of the life she could have had if her parents hadn’t chosen the paths they had.

Wanda had always loved history in school, and through tutoring a lot of her classmates, she’d realized that she loved teaching. She’d humored becoming a history teacher for a few months before her future with the mob became less of a possibility and more of an indisputable fact after her parents lost their lives in an attack. She remembers receiving the news of her parents’ deaths on her darkest nights that usually involved copious amounts of alcohol. She hadn’t been there. Ironically, she’d just been leaving her graduation party when her brother called her to tell her to come home now. She’d been confused by how frantic he was, and annoyed by the lack of information he’d offered.

It wasn’t until she’d arrived home and seen it swarming with her parents’ employees, she’d called them minions, she’d been enlightened by her brother about what happened.

Revenge had immediately become her priority. Despite being devastated by her loss, she’d thrown herself into a role that she could barely comprehend and tried to keep the business afloat while finding those responsible. Wanda looks back on these early days of chaos and is glad to have them behind her. Well, her days are still chaotic sometimes, but in the months since she’s taken over, she’s learned to be efficient. She spends her days delegating and overseeing an empire that brings in millions of dollars a year.

Today, she’s looking for a replacement computer scientist to help run her convoluted security network. She’d just promoted the man who’s previously held the position, but he’d recommended someone that Wanda was hard-pressed to believe would be a good replacement. She had expected someone with comparable experience which in this case was nearly a decade, but here she was at a university where most people here were in elementary school that long ago.

She has everything she needs to know about this kid, he’s a year younger than she is, but she gets a little sidetracked before she can find him. He’s supposedly in the building she’s standing outside of now, but she’s not sure what the best way to approach him would be. She could say who she was, but that usually freaked people out pretty quickly, so maybe she’d just mention Frank first.

Wanda checks her watch to see that the class that he’s in should have just gotten out and she sighs before heading toward the doors. She still feels out of her element as she walks into the building with her old high school backpack slung over her shoulder. She just needs to find who she came for, and then she can get back to familiar territory.

The class lets out a few minutes late, and Wanda can see on the faces of several students that this is a common occurrence. She scans the sudden swarm of students that start to flow through the sets of double doors leading out of the lecture hall and into the lobby where she waits. She figures she could have been slightly less conspicuous if she’d sat down at one of the available tables and pretended to study, but she didn’t have the patience to do much to keep up her ruse. She’d had an exhausting week and was mostly doing this as a favor to her brother. She’d asked him to do this, but he’d gotten home late from a deal last night and was still hungover.

Wanda’s thinking of how to get her brother to repay her when she sees you walk out with a distracted look. You’re not who she’s looking for at all, but you’ve caught her attention immediately, and she briefly forgets what she’s here for when she catches your gaze. You’re beautiful and clearly stressed as you probably mull over the lecture you just left. You’re frowning and as you walk closer, Wanda can see you show characteristic signs of an overworked student. There are dark circles under your eyes that aren’t as bright as Wanda expects they usually are, from hours of studying or listening to lecturers drone on and on.

She watches as you stifle a yawn before running a hand through your slightly unkempt hair. She’ll learn later that this is a nervous tick of yours, something you tend to do as you stress about anything and everything. Wanda only has a couple of seconds to wonder what your name is when someone bumps into you and sends you falling into the door. She cringes at the loud sound and the clearly pained look on your face as you smash your arm against the metal door frame not two feet from her.

“Fuck.”

Wanda frowns despite wanting to smile at the sound of your voice. It’s rough from pain or fatigue but Wanda can’t help but imagine other scenarios in which it might sound lower than usual as she speaks without her brain’s permission.

“Are you okay?”

You’re a little thrown off by a ridiculously attractive, total stranger talking to you, but you offer her a smile before nodding in answer. You’re fine honestly, just a little miffed and embarrassed by your inattentiveness. You take a moment to admire the brunette in front of you now that you’re actually allowed to look at her, and you have to remind yourself not to be weird.

You haven’t dated in a long time. If you can count going on two first dates as ‘dating’. You’ve used being busy with school and work as an excuse to not doing a better job of trying to meet women. You know that if you really wanted to, you would put in a little more effort, but you are too worried about being distracted from school to give it much of a shot.

“Yeah, I’m fine, thanks. Just distracted.”

You offer a smile and Wanda just smiles back before glancing over your shoulder briefly for someone. You don’t get a chance to ask before she speaks up and you almost groan in response. Fucking physics.

“Class was that boring?”

You start to drift toward Wanda mostly to get out of the way of traffic, but as you find yourself standing across from her you realize you should have just risked getting sideswiped again. She’s even prettier up close and you try to ignore how good she smells as you blush slightly.

“Oh physics is my least favorite, but it’s a necessary evil unfortunately.”

Wanda has given up looking for Frank’s protégé at this point, and she leans against the wall behind her. She’d rather talk to you than try to persuade someone who she doesn’t quite need yet to work for her. She has a feeling you’re much more interesting than a conversation about firewalls and VPNs.

“Necessary for…?”

Wanda can’t help but smile a little wider as she watches you fidget nervously with your backpack straps with a nervous chuckle. You’re always reluctant to tell people about your plans to go to vet school because given the school you’re at, and the state you’re in, it’s almost as if everyone’s trying to do it. You’re just one of hundreds who have the same goal.

“Vet school applications.”

Wanda smiles at the thought of this before she considers what type of vet you want to be. She figures the best way to find out is to ask, but she can’t help but imagine you wrangling pigs or cows in addition to the cats or dogs she figures most people are more interested in.

"That’s impressive.”

Wanda revels in the darker blush she sees on your cheeks as you shake your head in disagreement. She is quickly realizing that you don’t accept praise or compliments well, you’re too modest or perhaps something else to just smile and let yourself bask in them. She wonders which it is as she watches you practically wave her off with a vaguely uncomfortable look.

“Maybe once I get in, but right now I feel like I’m just doing the same as everyone else.”

Wanda’s not sure how to respond to this immediately, but you don’t give her a chance as you turn the attention on her. You can’t help but wonder what she studies. More specifically why this is the first time you’ve seen her here.

“What about you?”

Wanda freezes and you notice her stiffen imperceptibly as she considers her answer. You take the prolonged moment of silence to study the brunette a little more carefully. You can’t really guess what she studies just by looking at her. If not for the fact that she’s in a building where multiple disciplines are taught, you don’t see much of anything in or on her backpack. You at least have a dog and cat button on yours.

“Um, history. World history.”

You take a second to think about this and realize that it doesn’t make a lot of sense. History is not taught in this building, but then again, she could just be visiting for another reason. You don’t say this or even ask because it’s not your business. Instead, you smile and nod in understanding as you think about your lack of luck in all of your history classes.

“That is impressive. I could never follow anything in history class.”

Wanda’s still reeling from her Freudian slip when your phone starts vibrating in your pocket. She frowns slightly when she watches you take it out and look at it with a sigh. She has a feeling that you’re going to leave soon, and she can’t help but want to keep talking to you.

She honestly hasn’t had a conversation with someone her age, about normal things like school in a very long time. She realizes this might be the true reason for why she feels her mood drop precipitously as you leave a few seconds later, but she doesn’t allow herself to think about it for long.

“Ugh, I need to go to my next class. It was nice meeting you…”

You trail off purposely and Wanda smiles as she tells you her name that you can’t help but smile at.

“Wanda.”

You nod before offering your own name as you silence your phone for a second time.

“Wanda. I’m Y/n. Maybe I’ll see you around.”

It’s not a question but Wanda nods without thinking. She doesn’t think she will see you again, but she can’t bring herself to say that. You wonder if you will as you leave to your next class that you’re going to have to run to in order to be on time. You can’t bring yourself to care though as you smile stupidly all the way there.

Maybe you will see her again.

Two weeks later

Pietro Maximoff was at a loss. He couldn’t figure out what was going on with his sister. She was never home, which honestly in itself wasn’t odd, but she had been going MIA more these past two weeks than she had since taking over things here. Wanda always did a good job of keeping in touch with him during the day, at the very least once a day to check in. Since their parents had died, they’d realized how important it was to stay in touch and watch each other’s backs.

This was for both of their safety, and despite the bodyguard that he was still trying to get his sister to allow follow her around, it never hurt to let someone know where she were. Steve had been running around a lot trying to follow Wanda who seemed to disappear early in the morning and not return until late at night.

He has no idea where she’s going and despite her saying that she was just busy with work, he was suspicious. His twin instincts were telling him something was wrong, and he planned to track her down today and try to figure out what was going on.

He had a few things to wrap up first, but as soon as he was done, he was going to find Wanda.

World History.

Wanda was still beating herself up over her stupid answer two weeks later. She couldn’t have managed to narrow it down at all in the moment, but she couldn’t do anything about it now. As soon as she’d managed to recruit her technician, she left campus and immediately started looking into you. She figured out your full name, where you’d grown up and a little about your family, but she hadn’t wanted to look any further. Sure, she could have easily figured out where you lived, but she’d already crossed a line by being too curious for her own good.

The next day she’d tried to focus back on work and forget about her run in with you. It had worked for about 48 hours before she’d cracked and found herself back at the university. Wanda had ignored her usual routine for a day and camped out for a chance to spot you again. She’d worked outside the building where she’d met you since it was a nice day and she only had to make phone calls and check in on people.

As she laid out in the grass, she ignored her brother’s texts asking where she was, but she had a feeling she could only do this for so long. She’d managed to go back every day and still not see you for the rest of the week, and she was frustrated. She returned to the compound around 8pm and was on her way to the kitchen to get something to eat when someone practically shouts at her.

“Wanda! Long time no see.”

Wanda turns around to see her brother rounding the corner and hurrying over to her. She offers him a sheepish look before she just nods and continues on her way, just a bit slower so her brother can follow.

“Hey, Piet. How’s it going?”

Wanda is thinking about what to eat for dinner when her brother shoots her a look that she misses. He frowns before deciding to just get right to it. He’d taken a lot of time to figure out how to approach his sister about her uncharacteristic behavior. Steve had told him that he’d finally been able to follow her today, and she’d just gone to the nearby university to sit outside and supposedly work all day. He was still very confused and hoped that Wanda could offer an explanation.

“The usual mostly, just without you. Where’ve you been recently?”

Because she knew her brother well, she had prepared an answer to this question that he’d hopefully buy. That said, she hadn’t counted on him sending anyone to follow her. She’d be annoyed about that once she got over the embarrassment at being found out.

“I’ve been trying to get out of the compound during the day. Needed a change of scenery.”

Wanda notices as she opens the fridge that her brother is shooting her a look that she doesn’t like at all. She grabs some leftovers from a dinner she’d made a couple of nights ago, and pretends to be too focused on it to notice her brother’s suspicion. She almost drops the dish in response to his question, and she curses under her breath before shaking her head vehemently.

“Steve says you’ve been going to the same place on campus this week.”

This was a lie, but he mostly wanted to see how Wanda reacted, and she didn’t disappoint. She disagrees unconvincingly before glaring at him for his next question.

“I’m just trying to get out, Pietro. You don’t need to send Steve to stalk me.”

She realizes that she sounds a little hypocritical calling someone else a stalker, but she disregards this quickly at her brother’s accusation.

“Are you seeing someone there? Is that why you’ve been MIA?”

Wanda shakes her head with a frown because she honestly wishes she could say she’d seen you since. She was going to give it one more day, but she couldn’t keep hanging around campus with nothing to show for it. She also had to get back to work at some point. She hoped to see you again, but if she didn’t catch sight of you on Monday, she was just going to have to let this go.

“No, Piet. I’m just getting out some, okay?”

He isn’t convinced, but Wanda is fine with this for now given that she doesn’t have anything to hide. Nothing’s happened, and despite secretly hoping that this will change, she isn’t going to get him worked up over nothing.

Although Wanda is very different from her brother, they are both known for their paranoia. It’s hard not to be paranoid given their experiences and their lifestyle, but the twins are always overly cautious and when making any potentially risky decisions, they typically consult each other.

This included trusting anyone who wasn’t directly involved with their work, and given how her last short-lived relationship ended, she didn’t want to have a similar conversation with Pietro anytime soon.

So she decided to visit one last time Monday to see if she caught sight of you. If not, things would go back to the way they were, and Wanda would stick to one night stands that scratched that itch, but did very little else for her at this point.

Once she leaves her brother after they’ve finished eating and catching up, Wanda returns to her room to sleep. It’s been a long week despite not being as busy as usual. She knows she has some things to catch up on this weekend, but she’ll worry about that later. She lies down before turning on a show that she ends up ignoring. She falls asleep by the middle of the episode, and she can’t help as her mind wanders to your beautiful smile and adorable blush.

You’re almost certain that you failed that exam just now. You’d spent the last week, and especially this weekend, studying for your physics exam during any free moment. Physics was not your strong suit, and you honestly were just trying to pass this class with a C or higher at this point. Given that you’d failed the first test spectacularly, you needed to do much better on this and the last one to pass the class.

Leaving the lecture hall though, you’re not convinced that you will accomplish this. You scowl on your way out of the building and can’t help but be annoyed with yourself. You just don’t know how to study for this class, and the damn assignments don’t seem to help you. You’re frustrated, but unfortunately there’s nothing you can do about it now. You just need to forget it and just do better next time.

You’re hurrying down the stairs when you spot her again. You’d thought about your run-in with Wanda for a couple of days until you got too distracted by your test. You’d concluded that Wanda was probably not a student, but you’d never been able to figure out why she was on campus that day. You figured that it was useless to overthink it because you weren’t going to see her again.

That said, as she looks up just as you’re walking down the stairs you hope that she happens to remember you too. She’s sitting on a brick wall not directly in your path to your next class, but you have no qualms against making a detour. Hell, you’ll be late for you next class, something that’s never happened, if it meant being able to talk to Wanda again.

“Hey.”

Wanda’s standing up as you walk closer to her and she smiles at your poorly concealed glee. She doesn’t dare let herself be too hopeful and consider that you actually wanted to see her again too.

“Hey…”

You slow to a stop beside her, not minding the people walking by you as you focus solely on Wanda. She’s not carrying a backpack today and you briefly wonder if she’s here just for you before disregarding that unlikelihood.

“Wanda.”

You smile wider at her before offering her a nod. You decide that it wouldn’t hurt to be upfront with the brunette, and you laugh as you nod in the direction of your next class.

“Wanda, I know. I was just surprised to see you here again. Walk with me?”

Wanda nods before following your lead with a smile. She’s grateful that she finally caught sight of you, and she was determined to not let this opportunity go to waste. She’s not sure where they’re headed, but she doesn’t worry about this as she responds.

“Surprised? Why’s that?”

Wanda has a feeling that she wasn’t as subtle as she’d wanted to be last time you met. She just isn’t sure if you’d picked up on it, and if so, how much you’d been able to gleam from your short interaction. When she sees you smile widely and shoot her a knowing look out of the corner of her eye, she realizes you were smarter than she expected. You also weren’t afraid to speak your mind which she admired given how most of the company she kept on a daily basis held back out of fear of angering her.

“Well, you’re clearly not a student here, and I can’t imagine why anyone would come spend time here of their own free will. Unless of course she has ulterior motive.”

Wanda can’t help but blush slightly at the fact that she’s caught. She’s honestly surprised that she’d spent the past 2 weeks hanging out on campus just for a chance to see you again. She doesn’t say this because that would undoubtedly sound creepy, so she settles on asking another question.

“What ulterior motive is that?”

You don’t respond immediately as you walk up the steps towards the lecture hall that you have to spend the next 75 minutes in. You stop short of walking in and you turn to Wanda with a pensive look. You’re not sure what she wants from you so you just say this in hopes of her clarifying her intentions.

“I’m not really sure, but either way I’m glad to see you again.”

Wanda can’t stop herself from smiling at this and she nods to herself before taking a moment to find her courage. It’s now or never, or rather, now or just at a later, more awkward time. Wanda leans back against the railing behind her with a sigh before meeting your curious gaze.

“You too, Y/n. I actually wanted to see if you’d be interested in going out sometime? We could go out for drinks.”

You beam in response and Wanda feels her heart start to race in anticipation. Then you shake your head.

“I’m not much of a drinker.”

Wanda’s face falls and she silently berates herself for a few seconds before you speak up again.

“But I love food, if that’s something you’d be interested in?”

Wanda smiles again as she immediately nods in response. You take this as your cue to grab your phone and you fiddle with it for a few seconds before handing it to her.

“Great. Well, I need to go to class now, but if you put your number in there, we can figure out the details soon.”

Wanda’s already thinking about the places she could take you for dinner as she takes your phone from you. She texts herself before handing it back to you with a relieved smile. She feels like the weight she’s been carrying around since she met you has been lifted from her shoulders.

“Can’t wait.”

Masterlist

#wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff fanfiction #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff x female reader #silver springs drabble #mob au

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plasticbag3207 · 30 days

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Alastor and Vox Possibly Knew Each Other in Life

I recently started writing/planning a fic centering around how Alastor and Vox met, and how their friendship turned sour into what their rivalry is today. I’m sure people have already written fics like this but I haven’t seen any (not that I’ve been looking) with this as the main plot and without heavy shipping.

Until literally this morning I wasn’t ever quite able to peg down Alastor and Vox’s ages. I assumed they were at least in their 30s, though it didn’t seem out of the question to say they were older or maybe even a little younger.

That is until I found the leaked character sheets of them. Apparently a year (or two?) ago someone leaked a lot of the character sheets/voice sheets for most of Hazbin Hotel’s cast. Obviously leaking is bad, don’t do it. I also don’t know if everything on those sheets is still canon, so I’m only going to talk about the ages. Also massive thank you to my friend for talking about this with me and helping me come up with stuff :)

(Theories, Headcanons, and Spoilers for the fic below the cut)

According to Alastor’s character sheet, he’s roughly in his 40s, and I’m going to say he was born in 1891. Assuming sinners don’t physically age at all after going to hell (because I’m 90% sure they don’t), that’d make him 42 at his death in 1933. Vox on the other hand, I’m saying was born in 1902, and died in 1955, making him 53 when he died. With these dates Vox and Alastor were only 11 years apart.

In my headcanons Alastor landed his job as a radio host in his mid 20s (1913), and built his way up to being the most popular radio host in New Orleans. By 1918 (27 years old) he had his own full show, which ran for 15 years until his death—and was wildly popular.

My headcanon for Vox on the other hand, is that he started as an actor. He always loved attention, and soon by his early 20s (1924) became a big hit on the silver screen. Very quickly he climbed to the top, becoming beloved by Hollywood and starring in many more movies over his lifespan.

I don’t think Alastor had such a massive disdain for television or visual media yet, though I’m not going to say he loved it. He saw Vox as some attention hound, constantly desperate for more with an insatiable appetite—not unlike himself.

Vox at some point stumbles apon Alastor’s radio show, and instantly loves the guy. He laughs at every joke, loves the creativity of the sound effects, and such. After some tugging of strings he meets Alastor in person and offers to interview him on one of his late night shows. Alastor reluctantly accepts, though the two can’t help but be put off—and even annoyed at times by each others’ presence.

The interview, to say the least, does not go very well. Alastor found it a bit humiliating, Vox being too caught up in the spotlight and not all that willing to share it with Alastor. After that, Al decided that “this face was made for radio” and radio only.

They potentially saw each other in passing, but beyond that their interactions were limited.

Eventually Al dies, and is outed as a serial killer. Vox becomes ever more popular with televisions becoming a household item of the 50s until he dies.

Yippie :)

I’m not 100% sure how much of this is canon compliant, but whatever it’s my fanfic I’ll do what I want with it. Also don’t worry I didn’t spoil the entire thing, just aspects of their human lives. Most of the fic will probably be in Hell. (When/if I post the fic on Ao3 I’ll link it here aswell)

EDIT: I started the fic, it’s a little rough but I’ll polish it up eventually. I also can’t promise I’ll stay 100% true to everything I talked about in this post but it’ll probably be pretty close. Anyways, I hope you enjoy :)

#plasticbag3207 #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel headcanon #hazbin hotel theory #hazbin hotel vees #hazbin hotel vox #vivziepop #alastor the radio demon #hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel alastor #vox hazbin hotel #fanfic

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caesarinsalata · 5 months

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[BLOOD WARNING!] PART 1

Strap in for another short read!

I was planning to wait to post this, but I'm curious how this will translate to people 🤔

Part 1: 5 years later

“Hohenheim! Where is Hohenheim?!”

King Xerxes punched the arm of his throne, coughing right after. His subjects frantically whispered amongst themselves. Wondering who last saw Hohenheim.

“Your highness! He’s here!”

Hohenheim came into the throne room escorted by a guard, not looking too happy.

“Hohenheim! You know I detest waiting.” Drumming his fingers.

Hohenheim sighs, stepping up to the base stair of the throne platform. “Yes, yes, I know, your highness. What was it that you needed? I’m very busy with many of your requests.”

The King exhales through his nose. “I’ll choose to overlook that tone. How close are we to immortality? I haven’t got forever, Hohenheim.”

Hohenheim clears his throat, wiping his hands on his clothes. He hated these updates the King forced him to report every other day like this sort of thing he was attempting to give him was achievable overnight. “Your Highness, we’ve been through this. It takes time to gather the resources and the science is complicated.”

“You’re-” The King coughs into the back of his hand. “You’re just making excuses! Where is that Dwarf? He knows a lot more than you and doesn’t make excuses!”

“Everything we know about this immortality nonsense is from him! Of course he’d know!” Hohenheim was getting frustrated with this whole immortality thing! At first he was all for helping The King, but the more information he gathered about this supposed immortality was just driving their King crazy. Crazier than he already was, he didn’t particularly favor their King as the years went on. Too many people were way too obsessed with this immortality thing once their age began to surface.

“Hohenheim.” The King suddenly stood up. “I’m tired of waiting.”

“The Dwarf has already told you how this will work! It’s bound to take a handful of years. Especially when you order the death of your own people from all across the country!” Hohenheim was getting irritated. Why did he go along with this make believe? No King should live forever regardless. Being in power had a nasty habit of corrupting people.

“Hohenheim! Have you forgotten your place? Need I remind you? I am your King!” The King had a coughing fit and sat back down. The nearby subjects inched closer in worry. Wheezing out the words, “I’m fine…” and glaring down at Hohenheim. Seeming to think of something devilish, he turned to his right hand guard. Glancing to Hohenheim. “I think you need a reminder…” Clapping his hands at the guard signaling him to leave.

“What does that mean? Your Highness, just be reasonable!”

“We’re passed that now, Hohenheim. You obviously need some inspiration and a reminder of your mortality.”

Hohenheim was just confused now.

Moments later the guard returned with an 11 year old holding his hand. It was Edward. But he wasn’t bothered to look up from his book he was holding in his other hand. He was guided to the middle of the throne room.

“Edward? Why is he here?” Only then, Ed looked up and around. Not really caring about whatever was going on right now. His gaze went from the King to Hohenheim then back down to his book. “Your Highness, he can’t be in here.”

“You’ve left me no choice, Hohenheim. You obviously haven't sacrificed enough yet to understand the gravity of what immortality will do for this empire!”

Hohenheim’s breath caught in his throat. “What are you planning to do?”

“Don’t worry, I won't kill your eldest son.”

“Wha-?” Hohenheim lurched forward but was stopped by the other guards. “Ed! Get out of here!”

Edward whipped his head up, startled by Hohenheim’s exclamation. Feeling the tension in the room, he was only able to tug at the guards hold on him. “What the- What the hells going on here?” Dropping his book when another guard grabbed his other ar. He fought against their hold to no avail. Guided to the ground, they held him down despite his kicking and cursing.

“Good timing too. You haven’t been teaching your boy proper manners. Proceed.”

“What are you doing??!!” Hohenheim fought against the guards holding him back, one of them elbowing him in the gut causing him to double over.

A guard unsheathed his sword and stepped closer to Edward.

Understanding the situation finally, Edward’s eyes grew wide. He was suddenly scared out of his mind. “Get that thing away from me! What the hell is this?!”

“Ugh,” The King groaned, leaning his head on his hand. “Children are nothing but annoying nuisances.”

The guard held the sword in both hands over his head. Edward could tell from his face he didn’t wanna do this. Whatever it was he was going to do to him, it wasn’t going to be anything good for Ed. He couldn’t hear Hohenheim yelling his name while he struggled against four guards. His heart throbbed in his ear.

This is bad.

He’s got to move.

He’s got to do /something/.

NOW!

Ed started to kick and scream more ferociously, startling the guard and throwing him off his aim. Depending on what he was actually aiming for, that is. The sword came down and all Ed could hear was his screams and the slice of metal getting clean through flesh and bone. He choked on his own tongue when the sudden pain sent a shock through him. A moment of silence passed over him before he sucked in as much air as possible, stifling a choked gasp and screamed from the top of his lungs. The guards had let go of him and backed away, guilt plastered all over their faces. His hands shot down to his dismembered leg. Trying to lift himself to see how bad it was, the color of deep red was all he could see. Everywhere. All over the place. Barely making out Hohenheim sprinting right at him, tears in his eyes. He lifted Ed's upper half up, desperately trying to keep him from passing out, but the shock and pain were too much for such a small boy to handle.

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kikufuku01 · 1 year

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I Love You Always

Sukuna x Reader

Part 10 Dancing on Your Own ♡ ♡ ♡ Part 11 Toxic in You series m. list

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It hasn’t been the same since. Sukuna acts like he’s fine with you when you’re around the others, but now his eyes don’t linger on you. He barely starts a conversation with you, shit, he talks to Kazuya more than he does with you. Kaede thought it was weird but you told her it was nothing. Just friends outgrowing each other due to hanging out too much in the past. They don’t seem exclusive yet either, so it’s safe to say that they’re still talking? You don’t know, but you’ve been trying to drown yourself in Kazuya as much as possible. You’ve been ditching Kaede’s group invites, saying that you and Kazuya were already busy, and when he’d try to join them, you would tell him to give them some space.

Another thing is, you’re completely dreading today. It just feels like it’s gonna be a bad day. You’re pushing the cart around the store with an empty mind while your mom adds things in. She’s on the phone with your dad, talking about work or whatever, so you’re just left alone to follow aimlessly.

“Did you want this, sweetheart?”

She’s holding a pack of Himemaru rice crackers in the air to get your attention. You barely look at them, “sure.”

Just like that, she drops them in the cart and continues her conversation on the phone. Nothing in particular catches your attention since you don’t seem to have much of an appetite lately. You wouldn’t call it depression either, that’d be going overboard. You just miss how things were before.

Your mom taps your arm, “are you alright these days? You’re not grabbing all the snacks you usually eat.”

“I’m on a diet,” you lie, turning into the next aisle.

She stops you right there and crosses her arms, a worried look in her eyes. They search you for answers before she opens her mouth again, “you know, before I was afraid you were eating too much and now…”

Her nervous smile quivers, “you’re not eating and it’s a drastic change. These are also signs of pregnancy, sweetheart. You’ve been going out a lot and staying out during late hours, I’m afraid of what you’ve been doing.”

“Mom–”

“I’m not stupid. I was your age once too, you know. I know that you’re having fun, but I just wish for you to be safe. Your father hasn’t caught on, but I am concerned. How about after we shop, I take you to the clinic to get a checkup?”

“I haven’t done those things yet, so there’s nothing to be scared of. We’ll just waste our time going over there.”

The attitude in your tone takes your mom by surprise but she nods in defeat, “you sound like you’re telling the truth, then.”

You stick your tongue out at her to lighten the mood, “let’s just finish this up and go back home.”

♡ ♡ ♡

Your dad has been walking on eggshells around you as well over the last few months. He doesn’t speak to you any different, but maybe he too can pick up on your shift in mood. Is it really that drastic? Surely you’ve always been a grump, so what’s the big difference?

“I’ll take those,” he says as he takes the groceries from your hands.

You allow him to take them and follow him into the kitchen to help sort out the items. Your mom also comes in to help, leaving out what she’ll make for dinner.

“Will you be joining us?”

You look at your dad with a shrug, “I think I have plans with someone, so I’m not sure.”

He juts his lips but nods understandably, “you are going out with a female friend or male?”

“It’s a mix of both genders. We’re a group of people.”

“Shouldn’t you introduce us so that we know who you’re with?”

“It’s not necessary, so no.”

You give him stern eyes and head towards your bedroom. You’re annoyed by people constantly prying into your life. You don’t want them to meet Kazuya because they’ll misunderstand what he is to you, and you most certainly do not want them to meet someone like Sukuna. They’ll only judge, because that’s all they do. Especially your mom.

Since you’re bored, you decide to change out of what you’re currently wearing and put something else on. “I’ll be back later,” you shout as you close the door behind you.

Your feet guide you through the area you first saw Sukuna. He’s not there anymore, obviously. The spot is now taken over by a guitarist, playing his heart out to make some extra cash. The tune sounds nice to your ears, but it does strike a couple of heartstrings. A grin appears on your lips as you dig into your wallet, grabbing a single twenty. You diligently place the bill in his guitar case and back up into the rest of the crowd again to listen.

The man sends you a gracious smile and tips his head at you, “thank you~”

Your hands come out in front of you and wave, “don’t mention it.”

The man leans towards a smaller build, with soft fluffy hair and delicate looking hands. He’s pretty, but you can tell he’s fairly young, possibly mid-teens. He’s completely different from Sukuna– why are you even comparing the two? You snap out of your own thoughts and turn around to leave the crowd. Probably wasn’t a wise choice to revisit such a nostalgic area.

You shove your airpods in and blast music to drown out the real world while you walk to the next destination. It doesn’t take you too long, but you push through the doors and approach the hostess, “hi, I’m sorry, do you know if Mastuyama Kazuya is working today?”

She beams brightly and bows a bit, “oh yes, his shift should be over in a few hours. Let me get him for you, he’s in the back.”

“Thank you.”

“I didn’t know you were coming,” he greets, coming out from the back.

“Just thought I’d visit you for a bit,” you reason, “sorry, is it rush hour for you?”

Kazuya titters softly, “you’re fine, the kitchen can handle it.”

You push your hair behind your ear as you speak, “I’ll just be a second. I know you’re busy, so are we still going to the movies later tonight?”

“About that…” he trails off.

He wipes the sweat from his forehead with his forearms and pouts a bit, “I must be famous today. Sukuna and Kaede came to visit not too long ago.”

“Did they?”

You’re not sure as to why he’d bring them up, but you listen anyway.

Kazuya gestures towards a table, “yeah, they finished their meal like half an hour ago.”

“What do they have to do with our plans later?”

“Matsuyama, we need you back on the stove,” an employee says as he pokes his head out.

Kazuya nods hurriedly at him, “I’ll be right there.” He gently pinches your cheek, “they invited us to the club tonight and I kind of agreed without thinking. Don’t be too mad, okay? I gotta go, so I’ll see you tonight. See ya!”

“But–”

A fat sigh blows past your lips at the sight of him rushing back into the kitchen. Damn, you knew today felt shitty for a reason. Clubbing? With Sukuna? In a place where alcohol is involved? Not that you have to drink, but the environment is giving you flashbacks of that night, and it’s not bright. You will admit, there are times when you have dreams of that night and it drives you crazy! It’s that guilty conscience of yours…

Maybe you can find a way out of this, right?

♡ ♡ ♡

Kaede keeps blowing up your phone about tonight’s plan. She wants to know what you’ll wear, how you’ll do your hair etc. You’re not answering her much, just giving her short responses. Do you sound like a bitch? Probably. Do you care? Not really. Everything in your closet seems too bland and stupid but you managed to figure something out. It wasn’t anything too flashy, since you still have to see your parents, but enough to get you into the club.

You’re outside the gate, waiting for Sukuna’s car. He decided it’d be cheaper and safest to just use his chauffeur and who are you to argue against that? There’s a mix of emotions that you’re feeling as you wait, but the most defined one is anger and irritation. You don’t want to see Sukuna and Kaede flirt, mainly because you’ve been getting those flashbacks. Shit, you can barely look them in the eyes.

Right as you’re thinking this, you see the familiar black car pull up. It stops right in front of you and the passenger window rolls down.

“Get in,” he spits out coldly.

You barely catch it. That’s how low it is. Loud enough just for you to hear. He’s not even looking at you, he’s just staring straight ahead, and you want to smack that big ol’ head of his. You want to shove your hand through the window and fuck up his stupid, gelled back hair. Does he realize how stupid he looks? Okay, he doesn’t look stupid at all, you’re just being petty, but that’s okay!

You groan and open the back door to see both Kazuya and Kaede. They smile at you and shower you in compliments, ones that go in your ear and out the other. You’re only focusing on the back of his stupid pink hair. He got his roots retouched, how conceited. Ugh, and his cologne is too overwhelming. It makes your stomach churn.

“You doing okay?”

Kazuya’s eyebrows are pointed upwards in a worried way as he examines your sour face. Upon realization, you fix your face and hum, “peachy.”

You look at what Kaede is wearing and you instantly feel insecure. The feelings you feel, it’s the same as when you introduced Kaede to Sukuna. Why do you keep feeling this way? It’s annoying. Her hair is loosely curled, her makeup is done smokey, complimenting the dress she has on and her heels are sexy and strappy. Her charisma is even crazier tonight.

“You look sexy,” you compliment, sending a wink her way, regardless of the bad feelings inside.

Kaede giggles and shies away, “stop~ you’re teasing me.”

Your focus then turns towards Kazuya and your fingers land on the sleeves of his shirt, “you look great too, Kazuya.”

No one sees the red hues that glare through the rearview mirror, you’re all much too focused on your own little conversations, blabbing about this and that. Sukuna’s jaw tightens at the sight of you and he ignores the way your laugh sends shivers down his spine. You’re a fucking ungrateful bitch, that’s what you are.

Thankfully the ride isn’t too long. You’re all dropped off in the middle of the street and left to wait in line for the club. Kazuya is walking in front with Sukuna while Kaede holds your arms for support. It wasn’t too wise of you guys to pregame in the car, but it already happened, so.

“Where are you going?”

You call out with a glare and Sukuna barely looks back at you, “to the front.”

Kazuya spits out short apologies to the people you’re all cutting and taps Sukuna, “shouldn’t we be waiting in the back?”

“I work here,” Sukuna says, smiling his best.

Oh, that’s right. Sukuna works as a bartender at a club. This must be the place. Why didn’t it click in your head sooner?

Kaede’s grip on your arm is so tight that you feel like your arm will snap off. You’re about to say something to her, but Sukuna reaches out for her and takes her from you, “come here.”

He greets the bouncer and whispers something in their ear. They don’t even hesitate to let you all through, and as crazy as it is, you smile at Kazuya with excitement and raise your eyebrows, “I guess we don’t gotta pay.”

“Does that mean we get free drinks too?” Kazuya jokes, pulling you closer to him as the music begins to blare louder.

Sukuna chuckles, “that, you gotta pay for.”

You promised yourself not to drink too much, in fear you might slip up. Kaede and Sukuna, however, have been taking shots left and right. Their tab must be huge. Kazuya is the only one completely sober, but he’s having fun regardless, dancing with no shame. He’s fun to be with, at a time like this. You’re trying too, you are.

In order to distract yourself, you continue to dance with Kazuya, but not in a sensual way. Just goofy moves and whatnot. You’re not too sure how long it’s been, but maybe you guys have been here for two hours already. You’ve lost the other two in the crowd, so it helps to keep you distracted.

There’s just one thing… luck is never on your fucking side!

Kazuya reaches into his back pocket and leans towards your ear, shouting, “I gotta take this!”

You follow him towards the bathroom area and wait for him there to avoid separation. You pray that it’s a useless phone call, but something in your gut tells you otherwise. Approximately six minutes pass and Kazuya comes back out with a sorry smile.

There’s dread in your eyes.

“No, what’s wrong?”

He thins out his lips and gives you a soft caress before leaning towards your ear to shout, “sorry, y/n, but I just got a call from work. Someone had to go home suddenly and no one else could cover their shift.”

“But it’s almost eleven–”

His eyes shut, “I know, I know, but our restaurant stays open until 1am and they don’t have another chef. I’m sorry, y/n.”

You bite your tongue and huff, “it can’t be helped.”

Kazuya frowns too, since he feels sorry for having to suddenly abandon you, “I can help you search for the others before I leave–”

“Just go,” you blurt, your chest swelling with the action.

When you see the hurt in his face, you apologize, “sorry, it’s not your fault. It’d be better if you arrived over there quickly. I’ll look for them myself.”

You’re both shouting over the music, but you can hear each other clearly. He looks around the club once more before pulling you into a hug, “I’ll see you later, y/n.”

“Yeah,” you mutter against his chest.

♡ ♡ ♡

So, you might’ve had a few more shots. Just three more. Your vision isn’t fucked up, but your anger has subsided. Oh, you’re also dancing way more, now that you’re here by yourself, but it’s still fun. You get a couple of guys and girls here and there, but they know the drill, they don’t stay too long. In all honesty, you’ve kind of forgotten all about the other two people you came with.

That was, until… You’re shouting over the music with a random group of people you’ve found. It’s a mix of both women and men, mainly consisting of women. They know how to party, how to have fun. You watched them take body shots off of each other and when they offered you, you quickly denied, “it’s okay, I can’t get too drunk!”

“Awh, maybe next time then,” one of the men suggests, giving you a cute pout.

Though he suggests it, neither of you bother to exchange socials; his words nothing but empty. You sway to the loud music and look around, your eyes scanning over hundreds of faces but… you see him. You see him anywhere. You see him in the midst of the crowd, no one but him. It’s not because of his bright pink hair, it’s not because of his tattoos. You see him because he is Ryomen Sukuna.

All of your movements still instantly as you watch what’s in front of you. He’s stuck in the middle of a crowd with rowdy people, but in his arms is a very drunk Kaede. Her eyes are closed as she grinds her hips against his, her arms lifted and wrapped around his neck as a way to help support herself, even though he’s got both palms planted on her hips. Their faces are so close that it’s almost like they’ll kiss, and it sparks a fire in your chest. You feel it all at once while your head spins at the sight. Your chest stings, your heart falls, your face feels heated, and your heart is pounding so hard against you that it hurts. There’s a stupid, fat lump in your throat as you continue to watch them dance with each other.

His expensive silk shirt is unbuttoned, like always, and you see the way Kaede’s nose dips closer to his bare skin. Will she lick him? Sniff him? They’re dancing so sensually. Are they both drunk? Is he taking advantage of her? Are they together? Have they done more than this? A million questions race through your head as you stomp through the crowd, not caring that you rudely bump into people.

With hate filled eyes, you march over and shove a random girl out of your way. You’re so focused on your own heightened emotions that you don’t care if you get into a fight. She glares at you, “what the fuck is your problem?!”

You ignore her and continue to push through. Without thinking, you grab Sukuna’s wrist and yank him away from Kaede, making them both stumble.

“What the fuck are you two doing?! Are you fucking out of your minds?!”

The poor girl is much too intoxicated to understand the situation, only reaching out to grab Sukuna’s hand while her head leans on his back for support. He looks down at you coldly, “what?”

Fuck, you’re too stunned to speak now. Where did all that anger go? It seems to have disappeared the moment he laid eyes on you. His eyes pierce through you so harshly. His nostrils flare as his patience runs out and he steps back to grab Kaede by her waist. He then proceeds to use his other hand to grab at your forearm harshly, choosing to drag you guys to the bar. He quickly waves over one of the bartenders, “this girl is with me. Make sure to have someone watch over her in the back room.”

“Don’t take too long, can’t guarantee that boss will let her stay.”

Sukuna sighs in annoyance, “tell him she’s with me. He won’t care.”

He doesn’t wait for the other guy’s response and continues to drag you. You’re a bit scared with how shady the door looks, but he drags you out and you realize that you guys are in an alleyway. Sukuna’s chin rises, “what the fuck was that all about?”

You glare up at him as he continues, “I was hitting it off with Kaede. Why’d you do all of that?”

“I’m worried,” you stupidly admit.

You hate how weak you sound. You hate how unconfident you’re feeling from just his gaze.

Sukuna scoffs out loud at you, “worried about what? Isn’t this what you wanted?”

He steps closer to you, “for you to be with Kazuya without needing to worry about me? You set me up with Kaede and now you’re concerned?”

His face leans down, hovering over yours as a petty smirk draws itself on his lips. Your heart feels like it’s about to explode. You raise your chin pridefully, scoffing at his attitude, even though you had one first, “jeez, you must really like her. I didn’t think you’d be that upset about it.”

“Well, I am,” he quickly replies. There’s spite laced in his voice.

You blink a few times at his confirmation, and it seems to calm your sudden burst of anger. What used to be irritation morphs into something of shame and you lower your face a bit, “sorry for acting out then. Go back to her.”

You want to leave. You want to go home and cry. You want to be anywhere but here. You’re already turning around to walk away from him but he calls out angrily, “we’re not done talking, y/n.”

You hate the way he says your name.

“I think we are,” You’re only a few steps away from him, “you can go back to being touchy with her.”

Sukuna groans to himself, his voice becoming more stern, “I said we weren’t done talking. Stay still and look me in the eyes.”

You turn around to face him, “it’s fine, it was a spur of the moment.”

You motion towards the heavy door, “let’s just go back, she’s probably worried about you.”

With heavy footsteps, you try to get past him. Sukuna has other plans. He stops you and steps in front of you again, “y/n, I’m serious. Tell me what that shit was about. You had no fucking right to do that, to her or me.”

“I–”

Why are you getting choked up? It fucking sucks. This shit fucking sucks! What the fuck are you even doing? Why were you so mad in the first place?

Sukuna’s expression mocks you, a sneer on his face, “what, you can’t talk now? All of a sudden, the words can’t come out of your throat?”

He brings his hand up to your face and his thumb grazes your bottom lip gently, “you seemed to do just fine earlier when you were telling us off.”

There’s a stinging sensation in the corner of your eyes. Ah shit, don’t tell me it’s tears. What are they? Angry tears? Sad? Hurt?

Sukuna chuckles deeply, his thumb still on your lip, “don’t tell me you’re gonna cry now.”

“You’re a fucking asshole,” you say as you swat his hand away from you.

You quickly spin around to walk, hoping that you get to the end of the alley quickly. Sukuna’s heavy feet only take two steps forward before stopping, “get back here, right now.”

When you don’t listen, he raises his voice, “Ichihara y/n, I’m not playing with you.”

The seriousness in his tone has you stilling. Your mind is yelling at you to keep going, so why did you stop? Again, you turn around to face him, “I don’t know, Sukuna. I don’t know why I did that.”

Sukuna’s long strides get him close to you again and there’s a heavy frown on his lips, “yes, you do. I know you do.”

He heaves a sigh, mostly for himself, and then stares into your eyes. For a brief second, there’s worry in them.

“Look, let’s just take a deep breath together, okay?” he suggests, raising a brow.

Without needing to countdown, you both inhale and exhale together. He hums expectantly, “now tell me what’s wrong.”

The reason why you were so angry? Well, you don’t want to believe it.

“Sukuna, I–” the tears fall past your eyes, cascading down your cheeks, “I’m really jealous.”

His eyes widened. They widened and then his gaze turned into something bitter, “why are you saying this to me?”

He backs away from you, “why are you telling me this? Why now?”

More tears fall as you struggle to swallow the lump in your throat, “I’m really jealous when you’re with Kaede, Sukuna.”

“Don’t say that shit to me,” he spits out, “what about Kazuya, hm? Weren’t you so sure you liked him? Why are you saying this all of a sudden?”

Your eyes turn cold as well, looking at him with hate, “I didn’t realize I liked you this much!”

Sukuna’s jaw clenches at your confession, his fists balling so tight that his knuckles turn white.

You continue with a shaky voice, “I wasn’t sure if what we had was platonic or not–” your voice breaks, “so I chose Kazuya because he was the safest option.”

He shakes his head at you, seething as he does so, “you had months to figure it out, y/n. Months.”

Your heart throbs.

“Okay, I get it! You’re mad and I feel stupid and embarrassed, so just go back to Kaede already.”

You turn around and begin to speed walk, not caring if you just ruined your entire relationship with Sukuna. He, however, has other plans, choosing to chase after you. He spins you around violently, “no, don’t try to pull this shit on me. You’re fucking manipulating me.”

“I’m not!”

You try to pry his hands off of you with your own but you’re too weak. He won’t budge no matter how much you try.

You weakly shove him away, only moving yourself with the action, “I told you why I made a scene and now you’re just upset! I’m embarrassed, and I would just like to go home.”

Sukuna’s phone makes a notification sound and he quickly pulls his phone out to look at the text. He releases you with a glare, “Kaede texted me, I’m going back.”

It takes everything in him to not hug you, to not comfort you and kiss you. He’s so angry with you. You’re hurt? Well so is he. His chest heaves heavily while he tries to calm his heart, “get home safe.”

“I don’t need to hear that from you,” you spit out, looking away from him.

Sukuna clicks his tongue, “and I didn’t need to hear that shit from you either but look what happened.”

He shoves his phone back into his pocket, “whether you choose to text me when you get home or not is on you, I don’t care.” He turns around, “see ya.”

♡ ♡ ♡

You don’t remember how you got home. All you know is that you turned your phone off after catching a cab. Gosh, you’re so stupid. All of this shit is your fault. If you weren’t so stupid, indecisive and moody then none of this would’ve happened. You were too embarrassed to show yourself in front of your parents, so you crawled through your window.

After lazily locking it, you plopped down onto the bed and curled up into a ball. All of these raw emotions make you feel ugly inside and it hurts a lot. You see flashes of the look in his eyes and yours close immediately, refusing to relive the moment.

You knew about your feelings. You knew this whole time; you just didn’t want to believe it. Now that you’ve told him, you feel much smaller in the world. Your heart feels like it’s been smashed to bits and pieces and don’t even get started on Kaede. How will you ever look her in the eyes again? No, what will you say to Kazuya? He’s not the one your heart yearns for, he’s far from it, no matter how much you try. He’s such a sweet man, but he’s not who you want.

After lying in bed for a few hours, you pushed yourself up and gathered fresh clothes. You heard your parents go to bed hours ago but you were too drained to move earlier. You strip and wait for the water to turn hot, getting in once you’re satisfied with the heat. The thing that sucks is the fact that you can’t focus on anything. All you see is the disgust and hatred in his eyes.

You feel dirty.

A soft whimper falls from your lips as you begin to scrub your body harshly, hoping to get rid of the feeling. No matter how much you scrub and scratch, you can’t get the dirty feeling off. If Kaede found out about your feelings, would she hate you too? This is exactly why you refused to believe in your feelings for Sukuna. She’s always shown her interest in him; she was never discreet. You let yourself sink and hug your knees while the water pelts you.

You’re the worst kind of friend. Who in the fucking world begs the man that their friend is interested in to take them to a party, proceeds to get drunk together and then fucking makes out, almost leading to sex? Only bad friends. The worst part is you begging him to keep quiet about it, because you knew it was wrong. How dare you continue to hang out with her and act as if nothing ever happened. But, you’re a coward. You can’t fess up. You don’t want to lose another friend. You let yourself cry for a few more minutes before sucking it up and ending your shower.

The bed feels colder than usual. You feel like the loneliest person in the world. It’s funny though, since you did this to yourself. You’ll continue to talk to Kaede until she eventually finds out, because you’re a coward like that. Yeah, that’s what you are.

♡ ♡ ♡

You wake up with a headache. It must be from all the stupid crying but you push yourself up and force yourself to get through the day. You still haven’t turned your phone on, as you’re afraid of what you’ll see. Your everyday morning routine is done with ease, even with a blank mind. When you roam into the dining area, your mom jumps up.

“I thought you weren’t home. We waited all night for you,” she says while adding breakfast to a plate that’s now meant for you.

“I came home quietly.”

You take the plate from her and place it at the table, moving to help her set up everything else. She squints her judgy eyes at you, “your eyes are red and puffy.”

“Oh, she might’ve just had fun last night.”

Your dad’s voice interferes and he pops into the room with a smile. He’s obviously trying to get her off of your back, but she continues to poke at you, “or she was crying. What happened?”

“I drank a lot.”

Your unfiltered comment has your parents at a loss for words and you laugh, “I’m being responsible so please stop treating me like I’m some child.”

The breakfast that your mom cooked might’ve been really tasty but you can’t seem to taste a single thing. It’s all bland to you, sadly. You feel their eyes on you. It’s annoying. With wavering patience, you place your utensils down and stand, “I’m done.”

Their whispered argument goes on deaf ears as you walk back into your room to get ready. You do your makeup as quickly as possible and then turn your phone on. There’s a message or two from Kaede and she’s apologizing for getting too drunk. Does she even know what happened last night? You don’t have the heart to respond, so you turn off your read notifications and leave her unanswered. Kazuya’s messages are just him apologizing for leaving early. You give him a short response but that’s all. Sukuna hasn’t messaged you at all, and that’s something you should probably get used to.

Anyways, you need to end things with Kazuya. You can’t continue to lead him on like this, and you should probably tell him the truth. It’s the least you can do for him. You asked to meet up with him after work and he agreed in an instance. Now all that’s left is the waiting game.

It’s not as easy to distract yourself when you’re panicking over what to say and how you’ll say it. He’s such a sweetheart that you might break and cry while telling him everything. He’d probably even question why you’re the one crying when it should be him… Oh god, you seriously need to pull yourself together before you make any situation worse.

For hours, you practiced what you would say to Kazuya so you wouldn’t stutter for words. You looked into a mirror and trained your facial expressions so that you’d be less tense in front of him. You even imagined the pained expression that he would hold when you broke the news to him, but you still felt horrible when doing so. Kazuya truly is a soft soul and a great friend. You’d hate to lose him, but you know he’ll be gone. You’ll be left alone for a long time too, since Kaede and Sukuna won’t stay by you after this either.

It’s already a little past 6pm and you’re on your way to meet Kazuya. He chose a small coffee shop since he wanted some caffeine. You stop in front of the door and take a deep breath, preparing yourself for the last time. Just like before, you force a smile and pull the door open, the little bell dinging above your head.

“Welcome in,” you hear the employee greet. You suck in a breath and lock eyes with Kazuya who waves you down. He looks different today, almost as if he knows something. Yes, he’s smiling, but it’s forlorn. You walk to him and sit down, nervously accepting the warm drink he offers you.

“I went ahead and ordered for you too,” he says while retracting his hand.

“Thanks.”

It’s a dry reply. Oh god, you feel terrible. Kazuya taps the table with the pads of his fingers, “listen, about last night, I’m so sorry.”

You shake your head, maybe a little too fast, “it’s fine, seriously. I–”

He cuts you off, “you wanted to talk to me, I know. So, what is it?”

“Uh…”

Shit! All those hours of practicing went to fucking waste! Why can’t you speak up? Are you just stupid and useless? Is that it? He deserves to know the truth, so why can’t you stop being a coward and speak up? You called him to talk, so talk.

Kazuya’s hand slides across the table and he gently holds your index finger. Only that finger. You appreciate how he still respects your space and boundaries, even after all those months of you basically leading him on. He rubs his finger over your smooth nail polish and he shoots you a kind smile, “you have pretty hands.”

“You always say that.”

A grin stretches as you recall the many times he’s complimented them. No matter what color or length, he’d always comment on it. The memories are bittersweet as well, and you’re a bit upset at yourself for even smiling at a time like this. Kazuya’s other hand brushes through his hair, revealing his forehead as he does so.

“It’s about time you smile at me, timid girl.”

Your face turns red, mainly from embarrassment, “I’m sorry, Kazuya.”

He lets go of your finger and grabs his cup, drinking the warm beverage. When he’s done, he looks back at you, “It’s alright, y/n. I think I know what this is about.”

“You do?”

Your voice is small. You hate it. How can Kazuya keep smiling at you?

“I’ve been trying for months, y/n. I’m not clueless.”

Your head falls, “I’m sorry.”

The fact that you don’t deny him only proves his theory. Kazuya didn’t know for sure, but now his questions and doubts are confirmed. He tries not to let it show and instead keeps smiling at you, “I told you that I noticed how you changed here and there over time, but I didn’t want to bother you about it in case you were also figuring yourself out.”

Kazuya becomes quiet for a short while but then continues, “I didn’t want to believe it at first, but after I saw Sukuna’s wallpaper, everything just kind of clicked. You’re not a good liar either, y/n, but I like that about you. It makes you kind of cute.”

You laugh again, because you don’t know what to say. All you know how to say is ‘sorry’ and you’re sure that Kazuya doesn’t want to keep hearing that from you.

Everything about him is calm, from the way he looks at you, to the way he speaks. He seems completely fine on the outside, but he’s screaming at himself internally. He wants to break down and cry because he does truly like you, but what good is it if the person you’re interested in just can’t find it within themselves to like you back. His right leg bounces quickly under the table, but you don’t know that.

Kazuya suddenly leans over the table to tap your hand, mainly to get your attention, “I really liked you and I hoped that we could work out, but I understand. Thank you for trying anyway, y/n.”

There’s a small, teeny tiny weight that lifts from your chest, “is this really okay with you, Kazuya?”

“Mmm… no hard feelings, promise.”

Poor guy… he’s flashing you such a pretty smile but you can see the tears welling in his eyes. You only have yourself to blame for this. If you were honest from the beginning then he wouldn’t have gotten hurt like this. You tilt your head up at Kazuya when he pulls on your finger.

“It’s always been him, huh?”

Does he seriously want an answer to that? It would only hurt him more… You see the expectant expression though, so you nod with shame, “I didn’t want it to be him, I swear. He just snuck his way in.”

Kazuya lets your finger go and slowly slides his hand back towards himself, “but does he like you?”

He already knows the answer. Even a blind man can see just how much you two pine for each other; he just wishes you were more honest with yourselves.

You clench the cup a bit tighter, “I’m sorry.”

His expression softens quickly, “for what?”

“I’m sorry for not seeing you in a romantic way, Kazuya.”

Oh my god. That’s the worst kind of thing to say. Please, shut the fuck up.

You’re expecting him to cry, but he bursts out laughing, a hand flying over his mouth to try and hide it. When you furrow your brows at him, he dips his head and takes a minute to collect himself.

“Don’t say things like that, you’ll make me feel small both emotionally and physically. Anyhow,” he snickers one last time to mask his sadness, “I’m rooting for you. I don’t know what’ll happen to you guys, since Kaede is also in the picture, but I’ll always be cheering you on. I hope you get your happy ending, timid girl.”

It’s odd. You hate Sukuna’s ‘halfie’ but you don’t seem to mind Kazuya’s ‘timid girl’. Is that weird?

Your lip quivers, “I’m sorry that I can’t love you in the same way.”

“Stop,” he teases, “you’ll make me cry. I’m trying to seem tough here.”

Kazuya stands from the table first and waits for you to get up. Like a gentleman, he assists you out of the cafe and holds the door for you.

“I guess we should stop our frequent meetups from here on out.”

He holds his arms open and you rush in to return his hug, holding him as tightly as you can. This is supposed to make you feel better, but you only feel like shit. Well, you are kind of shit, but there’s no need to continue berating yourself.

Ugh, fucking bitch. You’re crying. Kazuya’s soft chuckle vibrates against you while his hands rub your back soothingly, “this must’ve been a tough decision for you, y/n. I know it’s not easy, you did good.”

“I–” you get a bit choked up, but keep going, “I am truly sorry towards you, for not being able to feel the same way.”

Kazuya pulls his face back to look directly in your eyes, a tiny grin on his lips, “I told you that it was all okay. I understand completely, alright? Friends?”

Another fat tear rolls down your cheek, “yeah, friends.”

He rests his face against the side of your head before giving it a quick kiss, “talk it out with Sukuna, alright? He’s a cool guy.”

“He’s an ass, but I will.”

♡ ♡ ♡

Welp! That’s one problem gone. Now you’ve got another storm of problems to get over. How will you confront Sukuna and how will you tell Kaede without causing any more problems? She’s going to be upset, that’s unavoidable. The problem is how upset she’ll be. You’re not sure how far she and Sukuna have gone, but based on how they acted in the club, they might’ve gotten pretty far with each other. Afterall, Sukuna isn’t exactly an in-your-face type of guy, so if they are together then it’s on the downlow, and if that’s the case then it’s no wonder he got so upset with you. You curse under your breath at yourself. You should’ve just asked Kaede a month ago if she and Sukuna were exclusive. You remember the way he held her hips and how they grinded against each other. A shudder runs down your spine at the fact that they might be sleeping together already.

Shit. Whether you say something or not, you’re gonna lose. It’s a lose-lose situation for you regardless of what you do, and that fucking sucks!

“I’m fucking stupid,” you mutter to yourself.

When you’re back in reality, you recognize the area. Your stupid feet have led you to the train tracks you used to hang out at. All those memories of you arguing with Sukuna over little things come flying by and you laugh to yourself while the rocks crunch beneath you. You also remember throwing salt at him all the time. Oh yeah. You haven’t done that in a long while. You keep going, choosing to walk on the actual tracks instead but as you get further, your heart seems to pulse faster. Your intuition tells you to turn and run, far away, but your feet won’t listen.

And, shit. What are the odds that you’d run into him here, today? Well, that’s exactly what the fuck just happened! Why is he here? Why is he sitting on the tracks with his back turned to you? His intoxicating scent fills your nostrils and you switch to breathing through your mouth, refusing to allow him in. His hair isn’t styled today, it’s left soft and untouched, blowing gently with the light breeze. You stand still and hold your breath, trying not to make too much sound but it’s too late.

“You’re always late, Kaede. Next time I’m ditching–”

Sukuna’s words are cut short when he turns around and finds you instead. Why the fuck are you here? Who the hell invited you? He hates that you still look beautiful.

All you can do is stare at him. He looks so different from before; it’s the way his eyes no longer hold any warmth for you. You should’ve taken advantage of those eyes back then, but who would’ve known that you two would end up like this so quickly. It’s just barely 7pm and the orange sky behind him suits him so well. It complements the pigment of his skin and blends in prettily with his artificial pink hair. If you were a bigger fool, you’d think that you were in hell with the devil himself. His aura and glare are enough to burn through your skin and you’re foolish, because you can’t seem to run away.

“You should probably get outta here, Kaede will be here soon,” he spits out, turning away so that he can no longer see you.

“Sukuna, about–”

He cuts you off, “you should also stop coming here, to all the areas we’ve hung out before. It wouldn’t be good for either of us to keep on running into each other.”

So what the fuck does that mean? Is he confirming that he and Kaede are together? Are they cutting you off? You’re really sick and tired of crying, but you can’t stop.

You’re quiet, so he goes on, “I’ll still be around when Kaede wants to hang out with you, but don’t expect too much. I’ll talk to you here and there so it doesn’t come off as weird, but I won’t get in yours or Kazuya’s way.”

You’re not ready for either of this. You were not expecting to run into Sukuna so soon and you don’t know what to say to him. You haven’t had the time to try and sort this shit out, so for it to come flying at you like this all at once has you overwhelmed. Right now, you wish a train would just come and run you over, but that’s not happening. Not anytime soon, at least.

You’re too quiet. Sukuna lazily tilts his head towards you and clicks his tongue at what he sees.

“Seriously? You’re crying now?” He snickers dryly, “you’re really fucking crying right now?”

A short sob falls from your lips, “can I not cry when my feelings are hurt?”

“No, you don’t get to cry.”

He closes the distance between you, “and don’t even think about trying to cry about this later. I won’t fall for it.”

Your mouth falls agape and you think about how none of this would’ve been a problem if he had just left you alone the second time you guys talked. You try to blink away the rest of your tears, “I never asked for this. I didn’t ask for you to stay by my side and cling to me.”

Sukuna thinks it’s funny, so he laughs in a spiteful manner. Weren’t you the one who came to bother him? Asking about his name and shit? Talking about always seeing him linger on the fucking streets?

“Oh, so now you’re ungrateful too, bitch.”

You shove him away on instinct, “would you stop that?”

His tongue comes out to poke at the corner of his mouth while he chuckles, “stop what? My sarcasm?” he steps closer again, towering over you, “why? Does it hurt you?”

“Yeah, it fucking hurts me, Sukuna,” you quietly admit, a new stream of tears slipping past your eyes.

When you think about your argument last night, your heart aches and you don’t want to feel this way anymore. You just want to get it over with. When you think about how he’s waiting for Kaede right now, your heart falls to pieces.

“Seeing you with her hurts my feelings. I’m jealous, really jealous.”

Everything cunning about Sukuna drops and he backs away from you, pushing his hair back in frustration, “you don’t get to feel that way! Not now, not ever.” His chest heaves heavily as he speaks to you, “what gives you the right to, hm? That you realized you liked me too late?”

He comes to you again but you don’t move, you don’t wince at his aggression. His red hues bore into yours, “what’re you gonna do about Kazuya, huh? Tell me.”

Just tell him. That’s all you need to do. Tell him that you ended things with Kazuya. As easy as it sounds like to do so, you can’t. You just ended things with him and even that hurt. You can still see just how much he was holding back, how hard he was trying to not cry in front of you. You remember how when you both parted ways, you turned around and saw his arms raise towards his face. He broke down when he was sure you were already walking away from him, and it made you feel like the shittiest person alive because he didn’t deserve that. And even if you could tell Sukuna, you’re more worried now than ever about the fact that he and Kaede might be dating. Everything he’s doing, all of this anger, it’s possible that he’s angry with you because you’re too late and they’re already together.

Sukuna’s irises flick back and forth all over your face as he waits for you to speak up. Why aren’t you saying anything? Why can’t you ever say anything?

“Stop fucking crying, y/n,” he says in a softer tone, more so to help himself calm down.

“This is stupid,” you say weakly, “I’m being stupid.”

You quickly wipe your eyes and turn around to leave. That’s better anyway because Kaede could show up at any moment.

“Don’t walk away from me,” he chases after you with long strides, “we aren’t done talking about this.”

“Well, I am.”

“Well I’m not, so get your ass back here before I lift you over my shoulder and drag you away myself.”

You still haven’t turned around, “that’s kidnapping.”

He stands right behind you, “I don’t give a shit, y/n. I’ll do it, you know I will.”

He’s not bluffing. You hate that you know. You take a deep breath and turn back to face him.

“That’s what I thought.”

“You’re a fucking dick.”

“Says the one causing problems.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“You’re a fucking dick.”

@lucyrocks86 @mykyoon @hxlalokidottir @wo-ming-bai @yourusernames @adoraspace

#sukuna x reader #sukuna smut #sukuna angst #sukuna fluff #jjk x reader #ryomen sukuna angst #ryomen sukuna x reader #ryomen sukuna fluff #jjk angst #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen angst #jjk fanfic #sukuna #sukuna fanfic #ryomen sukuna #friends to lovers #strangers to lovers #alternate universe #slow burn

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we-are-inevitable · 1 year

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ok so i was talking to @to-be-a-dreamer @tarantulas4davey and @carpe-diem-since-1899 about racetrack things the other day and i just thought i would dump some of those thoughts here bc i am So invested in this weird little guy

anyway i just ,, i have a lot of feelings abt jack passing the newsies onto racer once he ages out.

i feel like. charlie is the next choice, but charlie in my eyes is the same age as- if not older than- jack; if jack hadn’t been the leader of the newsboys, it definitely would have been charlie, but jack is the one who took the reins. (this age hc is mostly because of west endsies ngl.) anyway! moving on

jack and charlie have always been a team. charlie is definitely jack’s second in terms of always being there, but race is his second in terms of business- it only makes sense for race to take over when jack is gone, and i just,, i love the concept of race either not really wanting that or not really knowing how to handle that. i think, at his core, race is trying to hold onto whatever youth he has left. its why he’s always cracking jokes, despite how jaded and angry he is under the surface. he pretends not to care or else he’ll crack under the pressure, and when he cracks, it’s angry. it’s mean. his bark is as bad as his bite. so he puts on this front- this childish, snarky, comedic relief front- and he’s terrified of the implications of Being The Leader because he feels like he’ll no longer have that front to hold onto or hide behind. and it takes him a long time, i think, to realize that he doesn’t have to be exactly who Jack was- he can lead the newsboys how he sees fit, he doesn’t need to be a carbon copy of jack, because they’re fundamentally so different. and i think that is just very fun

but more on the anger, because i think it’s an interesting take that is very much represented in West Endsies- as @roideny and @jack-kellys have pointed out before:

i’m interested in the other newsies- especially albert, finch, and maybe spot- seeing that sadness and strain and anger that seems to be taking it’s place as his dominant trait. yeah. bc i think,, i think race is angry at his core, like i said. angry at his position in all of this. angry that jack left, that charlie followed, that davey was never staying in the first place, that spot still thinks of him as a kid instead of a new leader, that other burrough leaders don’t take him seriously because they know him as the jokester. angry that these kids are his kids now, and angry that his kids are still starving, still walking holes in their shoes, still shivering at night and still dying of sickness when the cold weather hits too hard. i want this race to be fucking pissed and i want everyone else to be caught off guard by it.

because, let’s be real, jack wasn’t the roughest leader. he was strong, and dependable, and not afraid to put kids in their place, but he’s still nurturing and parental. after years of being used to that, i think the newsies would struggle with Race for a while, especially as race tries to figure out his leadership style, and i think a lot of that would manifest in this anger that has been bubbling up under the surface for ages- the anger he never lets anyone see because he doesn’t want that.

race has spent anywhere from 5 to 10 years- depending on when you headcanon him to join the newsies- being the funny guy, the clown, the joker; if he’s going to earn respect, he’s going to have to take it from a few kids. lashing out and being brash- all for the sake of keeping everyone safe, of course- but he’s such a different leader than jack, and i think it would be SO fun to explore that more in post-canon works.

i feel like this post is a little disjointed and i may not be explaining things correctly, plus i haven’t actually seen west endsies yet! a lot of this is based on convos with the besties and i am just having brainrot. besties, feel free to jump in with any additions, and anyone reading this: feel free to send asks or talk in the tags <33

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buckyismybicycle · 10 months

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I don't know how terrible this quality will be on Tumblr, but the higher resolution/original can be found on AO3!

Title: swim for the music that saves you Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers Tags: ShrinkyClinks, Social Media AU, WIP/teaser Summary: It all started when he sent a video singing Happy Birthday to his sister, not knowing that she would post it on her social media.

Now, JBuckyBarnes has millions of followers all hearing his story, following his recovery, listening to him sing. Little does he know, he's going to change the life of one follower in particular.

Steve Rogers, chronically ill and spending most of his days inside, has to live vicariously through others. He longs for adventure, trying new things, feeling the sun on his face. A/N: This fic has been sitting in my drafts for some time now... Thanks to @buckybarnesevents: Alternate June-iverse giving me a little kick, I've decided to post an excerpt/the beginning and the rest of it will come in due course.

“Hiya folks… Well, it was, uh.” The brunette on screen pauses and then smiles sadly. “Alright, you know I can’t lie to you. I wanna say it was fine and dandy, but it was honestly rough. That’s why this video’s a bit late, sorry ‘bout that, by the way. It took longer than I thought it would to edit so I honestly kind of gave up.”

He lays his head in a propped up hand, resting against his piano.

“So, I got home Sunday afternoon and crashed. I don’t even remember getting into bed. Didn’t sleep through the night, of course. I never do. But! That’s just me, my body’s not a fan of the meds. I was feeling crummy — you know when you’re so hungry you’re nauseous but you can’t eat ‘cause you’re nauseous? Anyway, so that for like, six hours. Finally got to sleep when the sun was risin’ but only managed about an hour or so. You lot haven’t heard Brooklyn traffic.”

Steve can’t help but smirk at that because he has, and he is in fact listening to the god-awful Brooklyn traffic outside his window. He could always move his desk away from the window, but he needs some sort of sunlight from time to time.

The YouTube video plays on his phone while he takes a break from work, stretching and wincing as his joints crack.

“So, it’s like, ten in the mornin’ and I decide I’m gonna get something to eat. Nausea won that round, unfortunately, so by three o'clock I am starving. I was cranky for the whole day, and I don’t wanna make cranky videos for you guys. So, that’s enough rambling from me. My brain’s been a little all over the place so I haven’t written anything in ages, but how about a cover of the best of the best? Thanks for sticking around! Hope you like this one.”

Steve watches as Bucky lifts the cover of his piano and stretches the fingers on his prosthetic. Today, it’s the metal titanium one, with its beautiful plate work and a small Hydra Industries logo on the forearm.

You gotta swim… Swim for your life

Swim for the music that saves you

When you're not so sure you'll survive

You gotta swim… Swim when it hurts

The whole world is watching

You haven't come this far to fall off the earth

The currents will pull you, away from your love

Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave begging to tear down the dawn

Memories like bullets, they fired at me from a gun

Cracking the armor, yeah

I swim for brighter days, despite of the absence of sun

Choking on salt water, I'm not giving in, I swim

You gotta swim… through nights that won't end

Swim for your families, your lovers, your sisters, and brothers and friends

Steve listens to the beautiful voice fill the empty space of his studio apartment, caught up in the soft yet powerful melody. What really hits him are the words, though.

Bucky’s life is no secret — except maybe his real first name because there’s no parent on this planet that hates their kid that much. Steve doesn’t know exactly how Bucky had started off, but the channel was a newer discovery for Steve.

Well, there it is. As always, thanks so much for tuning in! Hope you liked the song, and maybe I’ll see you guys next time with something original, huh? Bye!”

#connect4AU #alternate juneiverse #stucky fic #stucky fanfic #and moodboard I suppose #bucky barnes fanfiction

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redley-of-many-noodles · 3 months

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Hello there,

Welcome to my blog.

I’m Redley. Relatively new to Tumblr still, but I’ve been finding that I’m comfy here. Though it still feels awkward (thanks, dysphoria), I prefer she/her pronouns. I don’t mind they/them, but… meh. Note that Redley is neither my legal or chosen name; it is solely a handle, and I will only tell you my chosen name if I feel comfortable with you. If I extend that trust, please treat it with respect. If you don’t, I will remember.

Here’s the main stuff I’m comfortable sharing or want you to know about me:

1) I’m transfem, but haven’t had an opportunity to do much actual transitioning yet. Dislike my voice, adore my hair. My luscious, glorious, flowing hair.

1.5) I am likely pansexual, but I haven’t done enough research to know for sure. All I know is, people are… well, people are hot.

2) I live in Florida, but was not raised here. The climate and scenery are nice; the local government sucks ass though. Also, I miss snow.

3) I’m a diagnosed autistic, falling somewhere on the high-functioning end of the spectrum. I’m on prescribed antidepressants, but have not been able to find a psychologist/psychiatrist yet because it’s fucking Florida.

4) There are a lot of things and people I don’t understand, but I’m always open to learning. Trying new food is a special passion of mine, and I’ve met some quite fascinating new people since starting this blog. (*eoughck* @potentially-a-poser *aucghk* @analogue-system *ahem*)

5) I will not tolerate hateful behavior. You will be immediately blocked for shit like denying any of the shades of aro/ace individuals as being part of the LGBTQIA+ community. If you see me spreading misinformation or saying something that excludes members of the community, please tell me. I’ll research the matter, as well as review any sources you send me.

5.5) okay so I think I’m demiromantic

6) I do not mind being tagged or sent asks or otherwise brought into conversations. People who abuse that will likely get blocked, but whatever your social anxiety is telling you probably comes nowhere near ‘abuse’ in my book. Anonymous asks are enabled, but that can likewise change if the feature is abused. Hate asks will be blocked, naturally.

7) I would prefer being asked before you directly message me. If you don’t, there is a possibility you’ll be blocked, but it’s not a guarantee. I don’t want me and my friends’ conversations getting buried by anything.

8) If you consistently and frequently post tiktok/reddit memes with little to no commentary, I may block you simply out of annoyance should you repeatedly show up on my dash. It’s not personal. If something about you makes me suspicious or uncomfortable, but not outright offended, I’ll most likely notify you of my reason before I block you.

9) Age: pick a number between 1 and 100 because it’s none of your fucking business. None of you are entitled to any of my personal information, regardless of the reason. I will share only what I want.

My Behaviors

There are certain things I gravitate towards or away from on this site. Here’s some:

1) I am most likely to follow people who are part of the LGBTQIA+ community, are mentally ill, or are dealing with some variety of personality disorder. This is mostly just due to the fact that I find the most common ground with those people. But even those who I have little common ground with, I’ll tend to find very interesting.

2) I don’t mind things like roleplay and hornyposting on my dash, but will almost certainly not interact myself, or make original posts in that category. More extreme examples won’t necessarily get you blocked or unfollowed, but… well, my filtered tags list may grow.

3) I don’t always tag reblogs. This may mean that my followers will see random things that caught my interest. It could be art, shitposting, tender affirmations, politics, or just goofy-ass Tumblr shit. If something I regularly reblog/post about bothers you and isn’t properly tagged, let me know.

4) I am discovering that maybe, I might, perhaps, be a little bit nosy. When I see someone receiving hate or suffering and stressed, I am likely to take it upon myself to do or say something to try to make them feel better. If I bother you with this, I will not be hurt or offended if you block me. In general, I will do my best to be respectful of it when people draw boundaries, so don’t hesitate to draw any you feel necessary.

5) If your intentions are pure, you will likely find that I try to be forgiving and/or understanding of your mistakes, at least in regards to interacting with me. (The /or is a very important distinction.)

6) I will often be attracted to dark, tragic, or dystopic works of art/fiction. I get a form of catharsis from such media, and some of my writing will reflect that.

That’s about it.

That’s all the important stuff I can think of, aside from tags which are at the end. Still, this post may be updated or rewritten in the future. In general, just be kind and open-minded, and we’ll get along fine. Even if you disagree with me, as long as you are civil and rational about things, I’ll likely have no problem interacting with you.

Be safe, and be yourself! <3

🇵🇸🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

My Tags:

#redley’s playlist - Some of my favorite songs!

#redley’s photos - Photos taken by/of me!

#writing - Writing related things and occasionally stuff I’ve made! (#poetry will also contain some of my work)

#let me just frame this one - My personal favorite posts by others. Put that right up on the wall!

#cw/tw: [content] - I will tag posts that I recognize may be disturbing to others with content warnings and/or trigger warnings. This way, you can filter content that may be harmful to your mental health to view. If a post is missing an important one, let me know.

#intro post #transgender #autism #writers on tumblr #lgbtqia+#demiromantic #queer #free palestine #🚗🔨⚒️💥#not really a part of any fandoms but i love browsing them. it’s very fun #fuck tumblr staff #fuck the us government #maybe if the site survives photomatt swinging his cock around i’ll upload timeline photos one day

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ecargmura · 3 months

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Pandora Hearts Volume 4 Review

And this volume is the start of the Cheshire Cat arc. It’s where one of Alice’s memories is and Break plays a part in this arc too. This arc introduces lots of world building and a very important character: Jack Vessalius. I’m just warning you: pay CLOSE attention to Jack because he is a VERY important character.

The fourteenth chapter is more of a fun one as Gilbert lost his hat and they have to win it back via arm wrestle. I don’t remember if Oscar was in the anime in that particular scene; I remember the arm wrestle part being there, however. Despite that, it was a nice comedic moment before the angst that is the Cheshire Cat arc. I also liked the reunion between Oz, Gil and Uncle Oscar. Oscar is the father Oz should’ve had. I do feel bad for Alice when she saw them hugging because she doesn’t remember if she had such warmth.

The Cheshire Cat arc is quite interesting. I actually think the Cheshire Cat is a bit of an underrated and forgotten character because of how early he showed up and then was gone. He’s very loyal to the Intention of the Abyss as he is protecting a memory that he doesn’t want Alice to retrieve. The fact that this arc actually starts so suddenly is really nice. I liked the surprise factor in which Break and Alice get caught up in Cheshire’s dimension and then Sharon had to be the one to guide Oz and Gil to where they are. Cheshire as a character is a bit of a parallel to Oz in a way. I’d like to say why but it’s major spoilers for those who haven’t read through the whole thing, so I won’t say it until we get to that part.

I do like seeing everyone in on the action here. Break shows off his capabilities despite being at a disadvantage at first. His chain is Mad Hatter. Sharon shows off her chain’s power too. I’m not sure if there was a horse in the original Alice in Wonderland story, but Equus is still cool nonetheless. Cheshire himself is pretty cool with being the first majorly dangerous foe. His dimensions are full of tricks and illusions and he’s bent on killing Alice to protect the Intention of the Abyss. Gilbert, although was a bit useless at first due to his phobia of cats, still did help out later on. The twist that Alice tore up her own memories got to me. Rereading this is pretty much masochism at this point. I am a confirmed masochist!

And this is the arc where Jack makes his debut. Oh, Jack. He’s very mysterious. He looks like an adult Oz but with a long braid. He’s here to help Alice, but cannot do much as he is only a fragment and needs Oz’s help. He’s the one trying to give Oz resolve to realize what Alice means to him.

In terms of world building, there are two opposing factions. One is Pandora, the organization Break is a part of and the other is the Baskervilles, the ones who crashed the coming of age ceremony and the protectors of a fifth door. I’d like to explain all of this but it does contain major spoilers for future events so my lips are sealed until then.

I just realized that rereading Pandora Hearts really does tie every future event together now that I think about it. I’ve been concealing everything important because some plot points shown here are revealed in the future. Man, this arc really was important. Why did I forget about it? My only gripe was that I didn’t make a “Ore no na wa JACK” joke when I posted the picture below on Twitter. He was the perfect character to use that quote on (It’s from Daily Lives of High School Boys). Anyways, if you have read this volume or know of the major spoilers, how did you feel about the story so far?

#pandora hearts #manga review #jun mochizuki #oz vessalius #alice #gilbert nightray #Vincent nightray #sharon rainsworth #Xerxes break #Cheshire Cat #Reim Lunettes #Oscar Vessalius #review

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tommysversion · 1 year

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Unconditionally: Joel Miller x OC (Part 3/10)

Summary: Lucy loves Joel Miller unconditionally. A cross country trip to escort an immune, bad mouthed teenager to safety might just prove it.

CWs: canon typical violence / unsafe sex / age gap / language / spoilers (if anyone cares) / canon divergence / mentions of attempted sexual assault / themes of previous suicidal tendencies

Note: this work is intended for adult audiences only. It is not strictly canon compliant, and was originally posted to A03 when I first ventured into the fandom.

Chapter Index: 1 / 2 /

The day was mostly uneventful; whilst that was good for their safety, it wasn’t good for their minds. It left too much time to think, to feel guilt and a sense of responsibility for what had happened.

“You should try and talk to her.” Joel said quietly, eyes on Ellie, who was striding a good six feet ahead of the adults.

“Me?” Lucy raised an eyebrow, “She’s more likely to talk to you, you know.”

“Yeah, but you know how I am… I’m not… good at that shit.” Joel rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly; he was remembering what he’d said to Ellie in Kansas, after she’d shot that youth trying to protect him.

“Okay… if it makes you feel better… I’ll try and talk to her.” Lucy agreed.

Surveying the area one last time, Lucy broke into a light jog to catch up with Ellie.

“You wanna slow down for us old folks?” She asked, trying to keep her tone light.

Ellie didn’t even crack a smile. Lucy sighed. She knew what grief looked like, but she wasn’t sure how to address it with such a strange, prickly kid like her. It was difficult; unlike Joel, she had never been a parent before. She had no idea how to connect with children, not really. The extent of it had been delivering medicine to sick kids and their families in the QZ, trying to cheer them up. That wasn’t to say she was bad with kids, she just… didn’t have the natural disposition that Joel had, buried deep down.

“Why couldn’t I help him?” Ellie asked, a mile or so up the road. Lucy had been keeping pace with her, letting Joel watch their backs. They’d been walking in silence, until now. She was surprised that Ellie had spoken at all, but now she had, she would try her best to comfort her.

“What do you mean?” Lucy couldn’t hide her confusion. Surely Ellie knew that once someone was bitten, once infected, there was no going back. Her condition was… possibly the only one in the world. For everyone else, it meant being shit out of luck, losing your mind, and a slow, miserable death.

“If I’m immune. Why didn’t my blood fix Sam? Isn’t it supposed to be medicine?”

It was in that moment that Lucy understood just how young Ellie still was. Just how much she had seen and suffered at such a young age. She stopped dead in her tracks.

“I don’t know, Ellie. Maybe it doesn’t work like that…”

“But why not?” Ellie persisted, “why doesn’t it work like that? It’s not… it’s not fair.”

The way she spoke, sounded as though she felt as though it was childish to finish on that note, but Lucy understood.

“I know,” Lucy said, “it isn’t fair, and you shouldn’t have had to deal with that. None of you should. You’re all too fucking young. So it’s okay to be angry, and upset. But it’s not your fault.”

“What if it is? I couldn’t help him.”

“That doesn’t mean it’s your fault. It just means we haven’t worked out what your immunity does. I doubt he’d hold it against you, Ellie. You tried. You tried and that’s what matters.” Lucy squeezed the younger girl on the shoulder; she wanted to hug the poor kid, but she was never good with physical contact.

“I guess so…” Ellie sighed, looked to the horizon. “Think we’re gonna stop somewhere tonight?”

“Yeah. We’re not walking through the night.” Lucy agreed; they were on the outskirts of a tiny town, a motel and a gas station about the only buildings standing.

Right on cue, Joel caught up with them; they’d slowed down a hell of a lot to talk before coming to a halt entirely.

“We’ll clear out that motel. Make camp overnight. We’ve walked enough today.”

——

There are bars on the window of the motel bedroom. Once again, one bedroom. The adults insisted Ellie take it, to give her some space and some privacy. God knows she needs it, give her time to process the loss of her friend.

Lucy dragged the blankets from the second bed in the room out to the main room, while Joel shoved a heavy cabinet in front of the door for extra security. Neither really thought anyone would be out this way, not in this tiny speck of a ghost town, but it would help them both sleep at night.

“Did you talk to her?” Joel asked, voice low, as they settled in for the night. They were secure enough that shoes could be taken off, thankfully.

“Yeah.” Lucy put her boots beside his, “she just needs some time.”

“Understandably.” Joel moved over so she could lay beside him; he was facing her, but not really seeing her.

Lucy sighed, sensing how shut off he was becoming; although he was reluctant to admit it, Joel had become fond of the two boys, and was taking their deaths as a personal failure.

“Hey.” She put her hand on his shoulder, squeezed gently, “are you alright?”

Joel frowned slightly, but didn’t pull away from her; he was trying to work out the words that he wanted. It was difficult, when he’d seen so much death, killed his fair share of people.

“It never gets easier, does it? Seeing kids die…” he said finally, still not looking at her, “I keep feeling like… I should have done more.”

Lucy shook her head, rubbing her hand along his arm. She hated seeing him blame himself, especially when she had firsthand witnessed him do everything in his power to protect the three young people in their charge.

“You did everything you could for those boys, Joel. Everything.”

What more could they have done? It’s impossible to keep everyone safe from the infected forever, especially in such a close combat situation with so many enemies on every side.

“I just hate not… keeping my word.” He wrapped his arms tightly around her; she could feel how tense he was, like a tightly wound coil that could explode at any moment.

Lucy understood; she knew how difficult it was for him to let anyone in. First her. Then Ellie. Then Henry and Sam. He had let the four of them in, only to lose two of them. At his core, Joel was a protective figure, a father who had never properly grieved the loss of his daughter. Losing two young men who could have become like sons to him… she understood how it could - and would - reopen old wounds.

“You kept your word,” she assured him softly, “we took care of them, right until the end.”

“I don’t want to lose anyone else,” he said finally, “not Ellie, and especially not you. I can’t take another loss.”

Lucy wasn’t sure he had ever been so blunt and open with her, not about something like this. Joel wasn’t big on talking about his feelings, she had long ago accepted that. Even though their relationship had significantly shifted since their night spent at Bill and Frank’s place, she never expected any grand declarations from him, never expected any big conversation about feelings. It caught her off guard.

“I can’t promise you won’t lose us,” she said finally, “that’s not the world we live in. But… I can say… that I’ll be fighting, constantly, to stay by your side. And I’ll help you protect her. That much I can promise, and I will.”

She felt some of the tension leave his body at her words, his arms tightly wrapped around her still, as though he was afraid she would turn to dust if he let go.

“I’m not going anywhere, Joel. I promise.”

He sighed, feeling a heavy sort of exhaustion fall over him, feeling, not for the first time, very old.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, darling.” He buried his face in her hair for a moment, inhaling the salt sweat floral smell of her, reminding himself that she was, indeed, still alive and with him.

“I have every intention of trying to keep it.” She assured him, rubbing her fingers up his back, settling them in his hair. He sighed, then tilted his head down to look at her.

“We’re alive, Joel,” she whispered, “I’m right here.”

Something snapped inside him, some sort of restraint, as he leaned down and claimed her mouth in a possessive, desperate kiss, rolling so she was pinned beneath him. All his rage, all his pain, he channeled it into the kiss. She let him, not at all surprised or unhappy. If he needed an outlet? She was more than happy to provide one.

The kiss was rough, hungry, like he was drowning and she was air, his hands firm on her waist, tongue demanding entrance to her mouth. Her lips parted for him, surrendering to the storm that was his rage.

“I’m not going anywhere.” She promised against his lips, her fingers finding the buttons of his flannel shirt.

“Nowhere.” He almost growled it, his hands sliding up her shirt, discarding it to the side, caressing bare skin, desperately seeking contact between them.

“I promise.” She pulled him into another kiss, pushing the fabric of his shirt from his shoulders, breaking their embrace only for a moment. It was risky, yes, but they were far too caught in the moment to care.

Unlike at Bill and Frank’s place, they had the room to themselves, could afford themselves some intimacy that wasn’t hasty, that wasn’t half clothed and silent.

She pulled his undershirt up, over his head, let him discard it in favour of running her hands up his chest, fingertips caressing every scar, every muscle. Honestly, for a man of his age, his body was still in its prime, and she knew it.

She kissed along his jaw, not remotely minding the scratch of his beard, down his throat, pausing when he made a low sound in his chest; the sound only encouraged her to do it again, to kiss the same place on his throat, her hands still caressing.

“I’m right here,” she breathed against his skin, feeling his hands at the button of her pants, her own going to his belt.

They had never been fully naked against one another before, she realised, as she kicked off her jeans and he pulled the top blanket over them, keeping them from any chill in the air. If she was a little younger, if he was anyone else, she might have felt shy. There was no awkwardness between them as he settled between her legs, pulling her into another kiss.

There was something warm and desperate in their kiss that hadn’t been there before; like he was letting her in past another wall he’d put up around himself. She wasn’t sure how long that would last, so she’d take it for now. Somewhere between their shirts and their pants being discarded, his rage had cooled significantly. He didn’t want to hurt her, didn’t want to take it out on her and make this uncomfortable or scare her.

It scared him a little, what he felt for her, but it was a good fear to have.

She could feel the firm heat of him pressing into her thigh; there was almost a smug satisfaction in knowing she had caused that, in knowing that he wanted her.

“What are you smiling about, hm?” There was a softness to his voice, a gentle amusement.

“Nothing, why did you stop?” She pouted at him.

“Wanted to know what was funny.”

“I’m just… glad you want this. Glad you want me.” She admitted.

“Nothing’s changed,” he pressed a kiss to her throat, “if anything… just reminded me how much I don’t wanna lose you.”

Lucy sighed, kissed his temple. “I don’t wanna lose you, either.”

Silence as he dragged her into another kiss, slow and drawn out, before he kissed her throat once more.

“Gonna take my time with you, baby girl, should’ve done that the first time.” His voice was low in her ear, a promise.

“We didn’t have time last time,” she said, “I won’t hold it against you.”

He smirked. “We have all night, now.”

She hummed agreement; he was right, of course. They did have all night, and she planned on making it worth his while. It sounded as though he had a similar idea.

Lucy wasn’t sure what to expect; last time, he had used his fingers on her, but she knew damn well she was ready for him already without him needing to. He knew that too, could feel her wetness between her thighs, feel it against his length whenever he teased her with it.

He hadn’t been exaggerating when he said he planned on taking his time with her, but that didn’t negate how eager he was, how much he needed to touch her, to feel that deeply shared intimacy that they had begun to form between them.

“Gonna go real slow, alright, darling?” His Texas accent got thicker the lower he spoke, she realised, somewhere in the back of her mind; it was hardly at the forefront of her thoughts when he was lifting one of her legs to wrap around his waist, lining himself up and then sinking into her, slowly, inch by delicious, perfect, torturous inch.

She let her head fall back against the blanket, the makeshift pillow, lips parted in a soft sigh.

“Gonna make me beg for it, huh?” She asked, a smile playing about her lips.

The ghost of a grin crossed his face.

“Considered it, but you feel too damn good to tease like that.”

He slid the remaining length of himself home as he spoke - home. That was how it felt, connecting their bodies together this way, feeling how soft and wet and tight she was, welcoming him back to her as though they’d been made for one another.

The sound she made when he filled her completely was closer to a whimper; every inch of him felt amazing, filling her so completely. He gave a slow, deliberately languid roll of his hips, drawing a definitive, quiet whimper from her.

“Oh? You like that?” He pressed a quick kiss to her lips.

Fuck, he’d wanted to take his time like this the last time. Hell, he’d wanted to take her to bed properly for months now, but there had never been the time, never been the privacy. Sure, the night they’d recently had had been great, but having a room to themselves? Where he could take his time drawing every sweet sound out of her? He was absolutely going to enjoy every moment of it.

“C’mon, baby girl, use your words.” The sounds he was getting from her were amazing, just from such shallow, lazy movements, but he wanted to hear her, really hear her.

“Feels good…”

“Just good? Guess I’ll take that, for now.” He hummed, amused; fair enough, he could work for it. He wasn’t particularly given over to patience, naturally, but it was a skill set he had learned over time as a smuggler, and hell, this was a damn good time to put it to use.

Slow and steady. That was the best way to get her all worked up, he figured, pressing deep with each roll of his hips then slowly, slowly, almost pulling fully out of her before sinking back in deep again. Each thrust drew a beautiful little moan or whimper from her parted lips, one of her hands balled in the blanket, the other wandering up his back, finding his hair.

She loved to touch his hair, running her fingers through it, pulling gently on it whenever he hit that sweet spot inside her. He’d been almost self conscious about the amount of silver streaking dark locks, but the way she touched him made him forget any notion of being concerned about his ageing looks that he might have had.

Another moan from her lips as she pressed a kiss to his jaw.

“You alright there?” A soft chuckle from his chest that faded into a low groan as she tightened around him. “Fuck, darling, you feel so good.”

She hummed, wrapped her legs nice and tight around his waist, pulling him in deep and keeping him there.

“You have no idea,” her voice was soft, a loving whisper into his ear. “You have no idea how good you feel.”

“Yeah? The way you’re reacting? I’m starting to get a damn decent idea of how good it feels.” He started to move again, faster this time, coaxing more delicious sounds from her parted lips. The hand that had been wrapped in the blanket moved to his back, to rest there.

She was desperately trying to keep quiet, aware of their companion in the next room, but it was difficult, especially when he picked up the pace, especially when she could hear every groan and growl he let pass from his lips, low and needy in her ear.

Her breathing was starting to grow more rapid, her nails leaving marks in the scarred, solid muscle of his back.

He couldn’t help the smirk that crossed his face, the rush of confidence and quite frankly smugness that he was getting such a reaction from her; he had twenty years on her, after all, and here she was, about to fall apart in his arms, not for the first time either.

“That’s it, baby. C’mon now…” he urged, soft and sweet and southern in his tone, “look at you. Takin’ it so well…”

He punctuated each of the last four words with a slow, deep, agonisingly lovely thrust, hitting her sweet spot over and over until she cried out, burying her face in his shoulder to try and muffle the sounds she made as he felt her tighten around him, again and again, until he thought perhaps the climax of the pleasure he was giving her might not end.

“Joel…” His name was the only word he could make out amongst her cries and moans.

“There we go, darlin’, ride it out, breathe through it…”

Honestly, Joel couldn’t help but talk her through it; he had absolutely no idea how goddamn attractive that was, either. No clue. It was just second nature to him.

“Wanna make you feel good…” her voice was still shaky from her recent climax, eyes half lidded and blinking up at him.

“Oh, baby, you are, you have no idea. You feel so fuckin’ amazing…” he leaned down and stole another kiss; he could feel himself getting closer and closer to his own release, but kept going. He would keep going, right until the last minute.

He was getting rougher now, chasing his own release, lost in his own mindset. Every nerve was on fire; wherever she kissed him, it burned, in the best way possible. It wasn’t possible, of course, but he was certain he would feel every spot on his neck, his chest, his lips, where she had kissed him for days to come.

God, it was tempting to just stay inside her; to fill her up and see her reaction to being thoroughly, truly claimed as his. But it was far, far too risky. She was younger than him. Young enough that it would be an enormous risk to take. Young enough that a single error could mean bringing a life into this world of pain.

He wouldn’t risk that. Wouldn’t risk her life like that. It was only that resolve that reminded him to pull out of her at the last moment, groaning softly at the sudden loss of warmth and tightness; she whimpered at the loss of their connection, stroked his hair as he spilled onto her stomach.

“Fuck…” he was half resting on top of her, trying to catch his breath. “That… would have been easier fifteen years ago.”

She laughed as he rolled them, pulled her into his arms, let her tuck her head onto his chest, her fingers tracing little patterns there. They could deal with their mess later.

“You wouldn’t have liked me fifteen years ago.” She said, smiling.

Her hair was a mess, her lips swollen from his kisses, but god, she was beautiful.

“You wouldn’t have liked me either.” He admitted, less amused. The things he had done, in the early days… the things he had done recently… it was a dark train of thought.

“Hey.” She tapped his chest gently. “Don’t go away into your head. It doesn’t matter who we were, right? Only who we are now.”

There was so much more she wanted to say; here, warm and safe and wrapped in his arms, her body still aching from how desperately he had made love to her…

She wanted so, so badly, to tell him how she felt. But she was afraid of rejection. Afraid of putting him on the spot and ruining everything they had, everything they were building.

“I like who you are now.” His voice broke the silence, quieter than usual, with a little hesitation behind it. Not because he wasn’t certain of what he had said, but because he wasn’t used to openly admitting such things.

“A nuisance who used to make you protect me and then followed your ass out of the QZ?” Lucy asked, because she didn’t dare take any deeper meaning from it without him explicitly treading that ground.

Joel laughed.

“Yeah, definitely. No, smartass. I mean the woman who approached me in the QZ because you wanted to help people. Who’s following me across the damn country, and not for some selfish ass reason.”

Lucy shook her head.

“You’re wrong there. It is for a selfish reason.”

“How so?”

She sighed. “I didn’t want you to go… I was… worried I would never see you again.”

“So you thought you’d risk your life… to stay with me?”

“… Yes?” She spoke as though it were the simplest thing in the damn world. That conviction… what the hell had he ever done to deserve such adoration?

He was silent for a moment.

“Lucy…”

“Yeah?”

He didn’t know where to begin; it took him a moment to find the words. The last thing he wanted was to fuck this up.

“You know… that I’m old, right?”

Ah, fuck, that hadn’t come out right at all, and he knew it.

“Not that much older.” She wasn’t even protesting too much, merely stating a fact.

“Twenty fucking years. You could have found someone younger in the QZ. Someone decent. Had a life. Had kids.”

The idea of her with someone else, though? It made him heated. When he’d come across that asshole trying to put his hands on her… he had seen red.

She shook her head, propped herself up to look down at him, so he could see her face as she spoke.

“I don’t care. There could be a dozen decent men in the QZ, lining up wanting me. I don’t fucking care, Joel. I chose you. I knew what I was doing when I left. I didn’t even care if you never noticed me. I still chose you.”

He stared at her for a minute.

“You were willing to risk everything, to lose everything… even if we had just remained… what we were?”

She shrugged, chewed her lip for a moment.

“I may not be the smartest person in the world. I never claimed to be. But what I do know is how I feel about you, and that I wanted to leave so I could stay with you, and protect you if I could, and even if you never feel the same, even if this is as far as we go… I won’t regret a single choice. Not for a second.”

Her confession surprised him; he had suspected, of course, that she had some deeper feeling for him than just sexual attraction. It was hard to call her out on it when he had the same… issue. But he had never given it much thought. He was older than her, had never thought she would ever consider him in a romantic light.

“You think I wouldn’t feel the same?” Was all he eventually said.

She shrugged. “I’m not egotistical, Joel. And I know you have… a lot going on. I never expected…”

“No,” he said quietly, “of course you wouldn’t. Because that’s you, isn’t it? You don’t expect anyone to care about you. You give and give and give, until you have nothing left, and you never ask for anything…”

Her cheeks heated.

“I don’t…”

“You do, and it’s not a bad quality. It’s a quality that gets people trying to take advantage of you, which means I have a list about a mile long of people I’d cheerfully beat to death, but it’s also a quality I like in you. Having a soul in this world is rare, and even though it means I worry constantly about whether some bastard is gonna hurt you… I’d never ask you to change.”

Joel had never, ever, been good at talking about his feelings. It had led to the breakdown of his relationship with Sarah’s mother. Had been the barrier that prevented him from ever considering anything like a relationship with Tess, no matter how much she had wanted it. But he owed her the truth. Those two women were dead, but Lucy was here, and alive, and looking at him like she so often did, her expression blank but her eyes soft and loving.

“Joel…” She was leaning in again, the unspoken words on her lips, in her gaze.

“I know, baby. I know.”

“Let me say it…” she breathed; they were so close now, so close together.

He had been afraid; perhaps that was why he had simply said he knew. But she was so close, so warm against him, and in his heart he knew the answer to her unspoken words…

“Say it, darling…”

“I love you, Joel…” her lips were inches from his, trepidation in her gaze as she breathed the words they both already knew.

A heartbeat passed, and he quelled his fears.

“I love you, baby girl. I love you, too.”

And he leaned in and closed the distance between them, finally, finally, letting her in.

#my writing #rue unconditionally #joel miller #joel miller x oc #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller smut #pedro pascal #pedro pascal character fic #the last of us

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