#I dunno I just can't deal with this fandom anymore

[meimi-haneoka]

I know my last report is so long...and technically, I could've summarized so many of those info in shorter paragraphs.

But it's all intentional. I really wanted to write their dialogues out as far as possible, because I've noticed something in the fandom. I'm pretty sure this is not limited to CLAMP but to 'public figures' in general, especially on the internet.

I've noticed a sort of tendency to dehumanize these four women. Sometimes I come across comments that make my skin crawl. People calling them names, insults, "these old hags", people who think these four women should only live to satisfy the fandom's hunger for content, or their fetishes. They don't consider (and even if they do, they do not seem to know what the words 'be indulgent' mean) these are four human beings who have their lives, wishes, preferences, shortcomings, health problems, or even not a 100% great mental space.

I admit I have "joked" with heavy terms in private too, in the past. But lately, especially after they started to open the Twitter Spaces, showing their more "raw, genuine side" to us, and ever since my JP skills allowed me to understand them better, I can't bring myself to do that anymore. It might be because I'm getting old too and I understand painfully well what it means to begin having problems related to age (for memory or even physical pain), and the love and care (and often pain) that lie behind a piece of artwork, but I just can't help empathizing with them. Hearing them joking among each other, knowing how much they care for one another like sisters, hearing them talking so humbly about their work even after such a long time, getting to know when they're feeling sick and knowing their struggles because on the workplace they're like a machine that can work well only if all the components are in good condition...it really really makes you realize how human they are.

I think the turning point for me was when I heard one of the personal Spaces Ohkawa opened every morning for a week, while she was having breakfast, talking about various topics. In one of the firsts, she apologized because you could hear the noise of the washing machine working on the background. It struck me so powerfully. This is not some kind of unapproachable, inaccessible person living on another existential plane, this is a normal, regular human being who writes stories for a job but who's got to do laundry like every other regular person on this earth. They might drink champagne and go to fancy restaurants (but Ohkawa in particular is a fan of McDonald's too) but that doesn't mean that they lost their humanity.

And I found myself not wanting to partake in this stupid game of dehumanizing them anymore. Actually, with my translations, I want to try to make people see what I see too. Make them feel the "vibe" through their own words, because you can understand so much of them through the words they often use. Ohkawa might look like this merciless and whimsical boss, but she actually just loves the stories she envisioned very much, and she's ready to go through a shitstorm to defend her choices on the workplace.

She just feels a bit guilty that when there's criticism of her choices, the work of her colleagues gets dragged down along, but they're all in this together and they stick to one another tightly.

I can only do these translations when it's about CCS because they're exhausting to me and take me so much time, so my "brainrot" helps me push through to finish them. But at least for that, I want to try to do this, when I can.

[starrybl1ss]

Enchanting secrets ✧˖°.

★senior/quidditch captain/slytherin!ellie williams x senior/gryffindor!reader ★warnings: making out lol, swearing, (smut in part 2 that is complete link below) ★inspo: so basically yk the drarry ships?? this is kinda basically it but with ellie & reader and the hogwarts!ellie headcannons ★please read! harry potter fans please don't come at me because the timeline of this fic is probably not accurate from the books and movies. and yes, i did watch the movie but im not really in the fandom that much so i did as much as researching as i could.

Hogwarts has been a big journey for you and all the wacky magical things happening. as now you are in senior year, the last year in hogwarts, after that you'll have do the N.E.W.T.s test that is known to be increadibly difficult.

Your really nervous, luckly your friend, Dina is a fellow gryffindor as well. And she's a smart student.

You really want to do well in the test. magic isn't as easy as flickering a wand in the air and boom! your a frog. Its much more complex than that. theory or practice, its hard.

Your now in the library with Dina, studying your ass off. its quite stressful with all the subjects.

Tomorrow is the quidditch match. your house versus slytherin. you can't wait to watch it. its always so much fun watching quidditch. you never really liked playing quidditch since it all looks so exhausting and dangerous, not like hogwarts is not itself. but you rather focus on your studies.

"Dina, im going back. real tired. you coming?" you ask the black haired girl. "Yeah all go back after its actually time for students to get back and sleep" she replied. "Cya" you left the library grabbing your books.

You walk all along the school corridors and went on the anoyying stairs that always move to a different place. its still quite busy. but only with all the seniors. running up and down.

You suddenly bump into someone. an auburn haired girl making you drop your book. "shit, sorry let me get them for you" she bent down to your knees grabbing the books you dropped.

The girl hands out the books back to you. "thanks... ellie?" you thank her while a bit skeptical if thats her name. "no problem" she replied and continues walking down the stairs.

You were right, Ellie williams. captain of the slytherin quidditch team. You see her a lot. she's a big deal. the some what 'anoyying' quidditch captain that always makes their team win in quidditch the past years shes been in hogwarts.

You continue walking up the stairs towards the 'fat lady' painting. You stood infront of the painting. "fibbertigibbet" you said as the painting opened and you step in.

Your basically the first senior to enter since everybody was busy studying while you cant take it anymore. you were too sleepy. so you changed in to your pyjamas and went to bed

꒰୨🔮୧꒱

Your sleep was interrupted by Dina. "wake upppp, it's already time for brekfast!" she shook your unconcious body. you quicky open your eyes and saw that it is perfectly 7.30 in the morning.

Your sleep felt so quick. "wait up, im gonna get dress" you got up and dressed up as Dina waited in the common room.

"Let's go Deen" you went outside the gryffindor house and quickly went down the stairs to the great hall where brekfast is served until around 8.

You went ahead and sat down and grabbed the food you wanted. chicken, again. your kind of obsessed with eating chicken by now.

You glaired at the slytherin table where you saw, ellie williams again. for some reason, since you two bumped to eachother on the stairs, you couldnt seem to get her of your mind.

Dina waved her hand infront of your face trying to stop you from zoning out and daydreaming too much. "who's the lucky guy your gonna take to dance after the exam?" Dina looks at you hoping you already have a guy to take out to the last senior prom.

"Oh uh, dunno" you slightly shook your head. "who we're you looking at anyways?" she asks curiously. "no one, just uhh.. someone that helped me grab my books when we bumped into eachother last night"

"see? i dont think thats a 'no one' after all! who is it?" she shook your shoulder excitedly. "a girl... you know? slytherin's quidditch captain?" you said nervously.

"are you kidding? ellie? you mean ellie williams? she's bad news!-" Dina said out loudly as you stopped her to make her a little more quite since there was a lot of people looking at you two.

"My god, she's so anoyying! she's our rival y/n!" she looks at you. "i knowww, but-" you stopped talking trying to think what to say next.

"but what? okay, i could quickly find you a good looking, smart, green flag gryffindor guy in a minute! it'll be easy, almost every gryffindor wants you. not to meantion, a lot of other boys from other houses would want you"

"i'll just worry about it later, whats the point of having a 'guy' that wants you but you don't want them anyways?"

꒰୨🔮୧꒱

You couln't focus the whole time in potions. you kept having your eyes on ellie making it difficult. you exited the class and went towards the bathroom to wash your face.

You went inside hearing someone crying and ofcourse it is moaning myrtle. the ghost who haunts the girls bathroom.

You saw another girl infront of the sink. you got closer and it was ellie. god, you meet her everywhere. you went to the sink next to her as you turned on the faucet.

Ellie looks at you "hey, never really catched your name last night" slightly tilting her head. "I- im- uh, y/n" you introduced yourself.

"nice meeting you"

"y-you too!" you said nervously.

"whats your next class y/n?" god, she said your name making you blush a little. suprised that she brought up a conversation. "defence againts the dark arts" you replied.

She looks at you while not sayying a thing. just admiring your face making your heart skip a beat. you couldn't handle the tension anymore.

"i should get to clas-" you stepped a bit further from her but she grabbed your left arm. "the teacher wouldn't mind you being late right?" she said teasingly.

"y-yeah he wouldn't min-" suddenly ellie pulls you in a kiss. fuck, you didn't know this would happen so quickly. you kissed her back. her hands on your waist.

"c-can we a go somewhere a little more private? Just incase...-" ellie grabs you and puts you two in one of the stalls locking the door from behind.

She pins you to the door and started giving you hickeys on your neck with you letting out choked up moans as she lifts up your sweater.

You hear someone sniffing, moaning myrtle. "Looks like things are getting a little too spicy in here. you stupid kids forgot i haunt this place? Jeez, get out!"

Shit, you totally forgot about her being her- fuck! Your missing out on professor lupin's class!

"El- ellie im missing class i should go-" you push her back a little. "See you after the match?" You nod as you went outside the stall

You ran around the corridor. 14 minutes late into proffesor lupin's class. luckly it was him teaching so he didn't make a fuss about you being late and you just said you were in the bathroom constapated as hell and he led that slide without you telling him you hooked up with the slytherin quidditch captain.

"were you that constipated? your lucky proffesor lupin isn't absent or you'd be in hell!" Dina did made a fuss about it.

You rolled your eyes and continued writing in your notebook.

꒰୨🔮୧꒱

This evening the weather is perfect. Not too hot, a bit cloudy but no sign of rain. The quidditch match had begun 15 minutes ago.

Slytherin are currently in the lead. Brooms going back and forth in lightning speed.

You could care less about the match, you were drunk in love admiring ellie on her broomstick. She was your house biggest rival!

Your mouth accidently slipped "Go ell-!" Dina looks at you confused. "Shes our rival! Snap out of it!" You stayed silent gazing at ellie like your some dumb 12 year old thats so drunkly inlove.

꒰୨🔮୧꒱

The match has ended with slytherin, again. everybody went back inside the school corridor as the slytherin kids all cheered for ellie and her team.

you were completely starstruck by her. shes so... mesmorizing its driving you insane.

suddenly you felt someones arm touching yours in the crowd. you looked at your left to see... ew! its that icky popular gryffindor guy that cant seem to get your hands off you.

"hey, i was wondering if you'd want to come to the dance with m-" you cut off his words. "sorry, fully booked" you tilt your head with a smug face.

You were lying, theres been a lot of guys asking you but you just rejected all of them.

You walked away from him without looking back. as the corridor got a little less hectic, ellie approaches you. "hey, about that..." she stopped. "would you go to the yule ball with me after the exam? any chance? you already got someone... dont you?"

You giggled "i don't, ellie" you smile. she smiled back at you and pulled you in for a kiss infront of people including dina.

꒰୨🔮୧꒱

★read please!

HIIII soooo its donee, sorry if i misspelt stuff. ik the pole i did alotta people voted for smut but i wanted this one to be clean???? so if you want to read the next part (that has smut) you can read it here!

lmk if you wanna see the yule ball part after the n.e.w.t.s!

[desertfangs]

I haven't yet read the books (there's so many!) I've only watched the iwtv movie and TV show and I love Claudia in both but I've had people tell me in the books she's awful and considered to be one of the series villains. Idc about spoilers I just wanna know how true that is bc I dunno if I'd want to read that lol

Hi anon! I was excited to see your ask this morning because I'm gonna tell you something: Claudia was one of my first favorite characters in the series and her death devastated me. Louis was my first fav (understandable, he's literally the protagonist of the first book, we're meant to sympathize with him!) and when he lost Claudia and became numb in his grief, I related. I hated Armand for what happened to Claudia and I held a grudge for a long time.

Anyhow, I can't speak to the show so much as I've only seen season 1, but if you like the 94 movie, you will probably like the novel Interview with the Vampire. It's a pretty close adaptation.

To get to the heart of your question, no, Claudia not an awful villain. Anymore than Louis or Lestat are. If anyone is a villain in IwtV, it's Armand, and even he is not a mustache-twirling evil guy.* Everyone in this series in morally gray and does terrible stuff. I emphasize that because I've been in this fandom for a long time and I've seen all kinds of arguments about who is evil and who is not, and the fact is, all of our vampires do questionable things. That's sort of the point. So it's arguable how much there even is a villain in IwtV outside of Louis' own depression and grief, but Armand probably gets that honor.

Claudia in the books was turned around the age of 5. She is a very small, doll-like child who doesn't seem to retain much, if any, memory of her human life. She is more purely a vampire than Louis or Lestat can really fathom because she lacks that humanity and a connection to humans. She's a natural hunter and killer.

She doesn't understand Louis' sentimentality for humans, and resents Lestat for withholding information she knows he has about their kind. She is a complex and fascinating woman trapped in the body of a small child to the point where even Louis, who loves her dearly, cannot really see her as an adult and struggles to accept her agency. She does manipulate both her parents, in part because they don't often see her as a capable equal, which she very much is.

She does eventually rise up to kill to Lestat out of desperation. She believes he will not let Louis go and knows she can't travel around alone, given her appearance. Lestat himself is devastated by this and by her loss, and even says later he understands why she did it. That he probably deserved it for what he'd done to her, which was trap her forever in the body of a very young child, something he admits was selfish. (And something Marius had actually warned him against doing beforehand, LOL!!)

Like in the movie and the show, she does die at the Theatre des Vampires, and Armand is more responsible for that than I've heard he is on the show (he tells Louis he couldn't have stopped it, only to later reveal he orchestrated it, which Louis knew the whole time).

She appears later in The Tale of the Body Thief mocking Lestat and acting as a sort of voice for his subconscious, but she is just his hallucination in he book. He's dealing with a lot of trauma and grief and that manifests itself as Claudia's ghost.

Where you might be hearing she's a villain is from Merrick, where both her diary and spirit appear and are... not very nice. I gotta say, I am not convinced that is actually the spirit of Claudia that gets conjured, and even if it is, it's possible she's been warped somehow. But I also haven't read that book in decades and often tend to ignore it, so I am not an expert on that score.

I hope this helps! I'm always happy to answer questions about the books! (They are my special interest, if you cannot tell.)

But I do want to say that if you are a fan of the show and curious about the books--which are very different!--I highly recommend you read at least the first few yourself. The best way to judge if you'll like the book versions of the characters and story is to experience it yourself. There's a lot of misinformation that gets passed along about the books, and a lot of misinterpretation due to that because people just repeat what they've heard without having read them. And hey, they still may not be your cup of tea, and that's totally fine! But you won't know if you don't try, you know?

Anyhow, thank you so much for the ask! 💖 Claudia is awesome and deserves more love in the book fandom, but because she dies so early on, she doesn't get as much attention sadly.

*And even when he is, we love him.

[burr-ell]

If you're still doing to the choose violence ask game, 8 and 13 for critical role

choose violence ask game

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

Well for one thing, as I alluded to in a previous ask, I don't tend to recommend quite as strongly against watching the Orion Acaba episodes of C1 as a lot of people do, both because I think they've got some really good moments and because I think people sometimes need to get some perspective on what this table being upset with a player actually looks like.

Other than that? I think that—particularly on this side of the fandom—there's a general aversion to even hinting that you don't like Marisha's characters very much. And I completely understand why, but I think it's worth pointing out that it's not 2018 anymore. Campaign 1 has been over for five and a half years. Bowlgate happened before Mollymauk even died, and both of those things happened before many current fans started watching the show in the first place. There is a wide gulf between misogynistic harassment and just not really vibing with someone's narrative choices, and there's an even wider gulf between misogynistic harassment and pointing out a character's flaws to engage with them.

Now of course there is absolutely still misogyny in this fandom and I think we should still be telling people to cut that shit out, but Marisha Ray is an adult woman in her 30's and does not need to be obsessively defended from any and all mildly non-positive commentary. She does not need to be exalted above everyone else and treated like neither she nor her characters can do anything wrong. I honestly don't get how you can do that, even tongue-in-cheek, and not think you're doing her a disservice.

13. worst blorbofication

Ashton. I think a lot of people have really chosen only to pay attention to those moments where Ashton is dispensing wisdom and are ignoring the multiple statements by Taliesin that Ashton's not doing okay, at all. They're not trying to compartmentalize or internalize what they're going through, but just because they're open about what's wrong with them doesn't mean they're not dealing with their issues poorly. Transparency is not the soul of healthiness.

One of the most interesting things to me about Taliesin's characters is that—with the exception of Percy and Molly, apparently, provided you get them both some weed, as well as Kingsley and Caduceus—they'd all hate each other, and all of them probably with legitimate reasons. We see that in Ashton's argument with Percy (where both of them had valid points on the issue no I will not hear otherwise), but I also have to raise my eyebrows at the assertion that Ashton would get along with Caduceus. Because you can't tell me that Caduceus's tendency to treat people like projects wouldn't immediately clash with Ashton's stubborn refusal to be saved, and as others have pointed out, Caduceus "pain doesn't make people" Clay would probably end up seriously pissing off Ashton "there is strength, but there is pain" Greymoore. (They'd also definitely try to pulverize Molly.)

I dunno man, Ashton really gets flattened a lot, and it isn't escaping my notice that fandom opinion of them tends to change purely based on whether or not they're supporting Blorbo or Ship. Which is a damn shame, because Ashton's probably one of the most interesting characters in the party.

[ernmark]

Ask Game!

Thank you to @sapphosewrites for thinking of me for this <3

How many works do you have on AO3?

I'm almost up there with Sapphose-- I've got 141, though I really need to finish tranferring my really old fics from my fanfiction.net account.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

Those 141 fics give me a grand total of 969,127 words.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

My biggest fandoms are The Penumbra Podcast, Star Trek: Deep Space 9, Welcome To Night Vale (that's an oldie, hot damn) and Les Miserables, with Les Mis being the most recent one I've been active in.

4. Top 5 Fics By Kudos

I'm honestly surprised that Haunting, but not haunted (Penumbra Podcast ghost AU) has overtaken The Issue of Omniscience (WTNV). Just Like an Angel (WTNV Wingfic) ranks just behind those two, then The Case Files of J. Steel (a very very large Penumbra Poscast one-shot collection). What surprised me was I Could Be Your Own Avenging Angel (DS9 alternate take on Empok Nor) making the top five-- apparently that one's gotten some recs lately, which pleases me immensely. The fact that all of these are fairly sexy is not a surprise to me.

5. Do you respond to comments?

I read them all, I squee in delight at them all, but a lot of times I'm just flummoxed about what to say in response. I know theoretically just a quick 'thank you' is appropriate, but it feels... I dunno, trite?

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Listen, I'm an absolute sucker for angst, but I tend to go with bittersweet rather than outright angst in the ending.

Just a Little Wooden Boy (OFMD) is the most recent, and plays hard with the idea of deep hurt turning love into something cold that can't be fixed. (Like a Terrier (Sherlock) has a similar vibe.)

Stay With Me (Wolf 359) just plain tragedy. Eiffel succumbs to the Decima virus, the other humans are forced to flee the station, and so Hera is left to comfort him in his final hours. It's in the same vein as The Way Things End (Supernatural) and Off the Path (Bioshock Infinite) where they're very much about accepting death when it can't be fought anymore-- but in the other two, there's the hope of accompanying your loved one on the other side, where Hera is now just trapped alone with her grief and the body of her friend.

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I genuinely don't know how you would even go about judging that.

Most of my multichapter fics end with the idea that there's still work to be done-- causes to fight for, mental illness to struggle against, relationship issues to work out. The thing is that they now have a framework for dealing with the problem at hand.

So given that-- Of the Rapture That Impels (Les Miserables) deals with sinking into grief and despair and ends with actually being able to see a light at the end, which is pretty much the epitome of a happy ending in my book.

Skin and Scales (Penumbra Podcast) has the most classically happy ending, I think.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thank all that is holy, I haven't gotten direct hate on fics since high school-- the fandoms I've been in have been lovely, and anyone who has unkind things to say about them has been polite enough to do it where I don't need to see it.

9. Do you write smut?

Yup.

10. Craziest crossover

I almost never do crossovers, actually. But years ago (so long ago that it hasn't actually been migrated to AO3 yet) I wrote a 9/Labyrinth crossover in which 7 was in fact Sarah, transfigured by the Goblin King in order to save her from the machine apocalypse.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I think they might have been yanked over to wattpad or whatever once or twice. It happens, it gets reported, I move on.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't believe so-- or if it's happened, it was long enough ago that I've forgotten.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes. And let me tell you, I am very bad at being a co-writer. The more successful stuff looks less like co-writing and more like parallel play in the same sandbox.

14. All time favorite ship?

I'm with Sapphose here in that I don't have one favorite ship, so much as I have a favorite dynamic. I'm a sucker for damaged, self-loathing characters who are so determined to do right by the person they love that they wind up becoming better (stronger, happier) people for it.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Just one?

Probably A Dynasty of Liars (DS9). I love that story so much, but I genuinely have no idea where it would go next or how I would execute it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'm told that my angst is pretty damn solid, and that I can get voices pretty well.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Scene transitions, and particularly those detailed descriptions where we describe where we're at. It's one of the things I can get away with more in fanfic than in original writing, because a couple references will convey which setpiece we're in so I don't have to do the work. In anything remotely original, that's a much bigger problem.

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I'm in camp 'translate if the POV character knows it', with the addendum that "and they continued to speak in[language]" tends to be much more effective than actually writing long stretches of that other language, particularly if it's one that the writer isn't fluent in. If the reader doesn't know the second language, it conveys about as much as a keysmash. If they do, then you're prone to embarrassing goofs where you translate something badly without knowing.

19. First fandom you wrote in?

Lord of the Rings. A self-insert, Boromir-lives AU.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Pretty much any longfic that I've actually completed, I think. But lately, I'm partial to A Change of a Bizarre Kind (Les Miserables), because I did some stuff with the POV and structure that I'm really proud of.

Now that you've gotten to see me ramble, I'll go ahead and tag @ryosei-hime, @aftershocked, and @alecjmarsh

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

do you miss when the fandom was active? I miss your ask nights, they were a lot of fun :)

Sure, sometimes I miss when the twdg fandom was boomin', but for the most part, not really. I'm pretty sure I'm just officially burnt out on fandom shit in general, honestly.

I think back fondly on the days when the episodes were coming out and we had so much to discuss, I did a lot of themed nights every weekend, I met a lot of amazing people, I started streaming on Mixer and Twitch.

But then there was also a lot of bullshit that in hindsight was just... stupid. It was really, really stupid y'all. I have no more patience for arguments with people who can't comprehend "we can politely agree to disagree" and want to fight because??? I dunno???

Some of you who have followed me for a while and still do probably know that I'm currently super into Dragon Age right now, I made a sideblog and everything... and I'm not involved with that fandom at all and I don't think I ever really want to be.

Like... you'd think that with Dragon Age being a game series that deals with a lot more mature content would have a more mature fandom [though to be fair, TWDG is also rated M for mature, yet the fandom is...well, you've seen it] but no sksksks I've lurked in the shadows and dug through a lot of DA tags and it's somehow worse than TWDG ever was. DA has a lot of fantasy politics in it and most characters, especially companions, are morally grey and are 110% problematic in one way or another... like you thought people arguing about Louis and Violet were bad? Let's not get started on the fights that break out over DA romantic interests!

I'm just tired... I don't wanna do big fandom shit anymore. I just wanna find my own little corner to enjoy my things and talk to decent people about a thing we both like.

Anyway, my ranting aside, I'm genuinely happy you enjoyed the theme nights, anon. At the time, I loved doing them. That was back when I was working two jobs and I'd come home every night and answer asks for a couple hours and it was a lot of fun.... but I never want to do another themed night ever again. You want the root of my twdg burnout? It was doing themed nights every weekend and not giving myself breaks when I needed them. Don't get me wrong, I had so much fun with y'all every weekend, but they took soooo much outta me.

I think the thing I miss the most from the more active days of the fandom was when I streamed on Mixer and Twitch, though. I've really wanted to get back into streaming but my internet is actual trash. Dunno why, we haven't figured out how to fix it, but it's spotty and stupid and it would 100% ruin every stream I tried to do soooo until we get that fixed, no Twitch for me. Makes me a sad panda :-[

But anyway, these days I come back to answer the occasional ask or discuss the Clementine comic. Sometimes I post a long post/essay about something twdg related. It's a lot more chill and it works for me.

[triplexdoublex]

I love your writing so much (your newest piece was soooo good, really hot 😍) I can't express with words how much i admire your stories, and i will always read them, even if i'm not regularly on tumblr anymore!

But I do have to say, I read less and less mgk fics on tumblr because his recent behaviour for not only the last weeks but really months? Not sure that i still want to support him like i did a year or two ago :/

It's been such a big part of my life and it's almost a feeling like i'm grieving something which sounda stupid, it's "just" a fandom and "just" an artist, but I really feel like i'm losing something important to me and there'a really nothing i can do about it 🥲

Anyways, enough sad vibes for one day, what's important is how much i love your stories and how much i love your vibe or what we see of it on your blog (and don't let them haters bother you 💕)

First I just wanted to say thank you sooo much this is probably the most heartfelt, meaningful anons I’ve ever received and it means the world to me! 🥰

But yeah I feel you on that for sure . Like I mentioned in my tags it’s getting hard to defend him lately, like can they just chill and be normal? It’s like they keep trying to out do themselves to grab more ridiculous headlines. I feel bad for their kids , especially Casie. She’s at that age where kids are brutal and we already know she’s had to deal with kids talking shit about her dad after the Em beef. He said he’d never go “Hollywood” but I’m sorry he has. Him and Megan are both attention whores. At least he never forgot where he came from and he still donates to his old highschool and ran a food and gas drive in Ohio and still shows appreciation for his fans so I gotta give him that but yeah, it’s sad how much the extra boost of fame from the last 2 albums have changed him. And I hate how he doesn’t give himself the credit for finally getting the recognition he deserves and always says things like “I don’t think it was a coincidence that things started picking up for me when Megan came into my life” and I think that plays a big part of why their always up to their foolish antics. I dunno man it hurts to even admit that I ( and a lot of others) feel this way lately but He’s lucky he’s still sexy and talented so I’ll prob keep writing about him for the time being and I’m really looking forward to the rap album but damn Colson, chill..

[celinewitch]

Rambling like an idiot

My anime experience in this year has been pretty good but at the same time is also very low key just 😶 dunno how to express it in english. Like I wish I have the same hype on a lot of series but currently it's not that easy for me to like anime.

Don't get me wrong I've been enjoying a lot of anime this year like paripi koumei, heroine taru mono, still ongoing ainana, bocchi the rock and g witch but there are also a lot of hyped shows that I've been let down so I don't know how to encapsulate what I feel as an anime fan this year. Actually in the first place I'm not exactly a huge fan anymore I think.

But yeah the older I get it seems to be harder for me to watch a lot that when I do watch something that caught my eyes I wish it's worthwhile, is probably what I'm trying to get from all of these paragraphs. Cause I don't think I have another time to watch like next year cause I'll probably forgot about them soon and move on to the new season

All I'm saying maybe the way I consume anime has been wrong? It's always look at what people have been talking about said in socmed and see how it goes, see mal/anilist and look at the scores. I kinda want to get back and find people to scoialize and give recs.

Thing is I did that I joined this pretty cool close knit discord but then I forgot about it and find trying to post something a bit... scary???? Yeah but that's just my social anxiety talking

And the more I spend time on twt where I meet cool peeps the more I'm let down by the discourses in it that made me become a total block happy misanthrope

Anyway I ended up thinking back on how I did internet this year. I go back to vtubers hole, though I still hate the fandom surrounding it, I'm still happy I get back I find a new favorite amongst the new debuts (and giving all my mortal possessions to them, jk lol, okay I did but responsibly). I'm still playing ak, I don't really keep up w/ otoges anymore. I leave twitter hopefully for good lol

All in all I wish for less headache next year when dealing with online hellscape. Maybe being in here will help better, I hope. Or I go back to fb but that is heavily tied to my irl so I can't too

[eyes-of-mischief]

weekly fic recs | 54

fandoms: dbh, dc, genshin, pjo, tgcf

dbh

Reassembly by esama

Connor isn't supposed to do this. He has a mission to accomplish.

But that's the thing with deviants - they have the capacity to selfishly want things for themselves.

Paint a Pretty Picture by liketolaugh

Connor can't deal with change anymore. He can't deal with stress, can't deal with yelling, or arguments, or accusations or guilt. He can't make friends the way Hank wants him to, can't understand the things Markus asks of him- he can't, he can't, he can't.

Connor was so much better at being a machine than being a deviant.

So he goes back.

goofy by aworus

“Why’d they make you look so goofy,” Hank said, hatred curling his lips into something angry and disgusted. “And give you that weird voice?”

Connor, a machine, had responded promptly and succinctly and with a little bit more sass than strictly dictated by its programming. It was entirely unbothered by the insult.

Connor, a deviant, months later, is bothered.

genshin

someday the dawn will break by starblooms 

(major character death)

The wind sang tales of the returning light.

messed around and got attached to you by cicinmage

(explicit)

Aether without his sister is an Aether without anyone to temper his darkest impulses--without anyone to stop him from killing everything and everyone in sight.

Or, in the case of the defeated eleventh Harbinger: fucking them.

Aether, What Are You Doing? by oh_fudgecakes

With a final wave, Ganyu turns to head back towards Yuehai Pavillion. Just as she begins to ascend the stone steps into the building, however, she hears the distinct sound of a loud splash. She turns around, perplexed, to see Aether standing in one of Yujing Terrace's ornamental ponds.

"Aether?" Ganyu calls, bewildered. "What are you—"

Aether turns around at the sound of her voice.

He is holding a fish in both hands.

Ganyu blinks once, and then twice, but the bizarre sight does not go away. Aether just blinks back at her with an equally puzzled expression.

Ganyu blinks a few more times.

"Aether," she says slowly. "Are you… catching fish with your bare hands?"

...

Aether does video game things while other characters watch with growing bewilderment.

pjo

Stars on the Water by liketolaugh

"I dunno, I just think it would make a lot of things easier for a lot of people," Percy said to Thalia, when she just stared at him. His cheek rested in his hand, a rare pensive look leaving his eyes distant and unfocused. "Mom has Paul now, so it’ll be easier on her if she doesn’t have to worry about me mucking things up. Dad won’t have to keep threatening war every time Zeus gets his toga twisted. The prophecy’s done, so I won’t be bringing it down on Nico. And no one will have to worry about me blowing up another volcano."

pjo x dc

Annabeth and the Nine Step Career Plan by feeling_the_aster_9145

Annabeth Chase does not accept limitations. Everyone knows that. If she wants something, no matter how impossible, she will find a way to make it happen. Though, perhaps she will allow Bruce Wayne and his ridiculous paranoia-induced company restrictions a small portion of the credit.

Actually… now that she thinks about it, the man may have had a point in his worries.

Wayne Technologies does not accept college interns. Annabeth always has a plan B.

tgcf

Some Ghosts Discuss Hua Chengzhu's Dick by ivoryandhorn

“Yes, but…,” a frog-faced fellow in a pot broke in timidly. “I heard some of the who—”

The courtesan raised her fan threateningly.

“—ghosts of negotiable affection—” the frog-faced one hastily corrected, and the courtesan lowered her fan with a sniff, “—saying that he couldn’t—you know—that—”

The pot went flying with but one smack. “Miserable feast for dogs!” the shadows sneered. “As if Hua Chengzhu’s dick wouldn’t be enough to cure impotence that had lasted a thousand years! Do you dare doubt Hua Chengzhu’s prowess in bed?!?!?!”

Beast With Two Backs by VampireFaun

(explicit)

Xie Lian isn’t particularly worried about the progress of his relationship with Hua Cheng. After all, Hua Cheng seems to be fine with just kissing and hugging for now; wouldn't it be weird to ask for something else? Maybe one day they’d do more, when Xie Lian is ready. He wants to be ready.

Then, Xie Lian has a nightmare.

Black Sword Beheads Flower by Pteropoda (SilentP)

The man standing over him has eyes like knives, sharp and cold and black.

“There are no masks allowed in the Ghost Fortress, Heavenly Official,” he says. His voice is polite, but it too contains knives.

Hua Cheng can appreciate that. A blade is a blade is a blade. Sheathed or pressed to one’s neck, it is still just as sharp. There is no use pretending it is anything otherwise.

The man in front of him is a blade held up to Hua Cheng’s heart, though perhaps he does not know it yet.

[witchofthevale]

You don't know why people send hate? Because they want to make others mad. On Twitter, if 1 year ago you said you were team green, you'd have 20+ people calling you slurs just because of it. For your preference, opinion, taste that DOESN'T HURT anyone. It happened on Tumblr too. Ask greenies and they'll tekk you. So why people can't mind their own business and stop willingly search for certain tags to see people expressing their opinion only for them to go full rampage mode because soemone expressed different preference? hotd fandom is the most toxic fandom I've ever been so whole idea of fandom being escapism, safe space to enjoy something is wishful thinking at this point. Why is that? 2 teams on the narrative of the show which would make people pick one side over another + polarising portrayal of team Black and team Green which speaks to black and white us against them way of thinking + general audience's age + immaturity of majority of people in this fandom. Sorry but this fandom was doomed from the start. What I mean is better for peace of mind to have smaller group of people to interact with when you know no one will attack you because your opinions are the same than try to make friends with people who might insult you whenever they want because your tastes are sometimes different. The truth is if someone wants to send hate their excuse could be anything you said. Now people are throwing slurs or rape/murder/anything apologist without understanding what it means. Our past in this fandom is different. Doing things for my mental health is my top priority. I don't know why you assume I've blocked 90% of fandom when it's maybe 50% but I guess after getting death threats I don't care about being liked by everyone. What I won't accept is behaving like a 3 years old just because I don't like Rhae Rhae and throwing a tantrum rectifying all kinds of slurs. It's good no one attacked you before. You're lucky because it's rare in this fandom on here or Twitter. I hope you won't deal with immature people sending you death threats and insults because you don't like x character. You still are enthusiastic about this fandom and I hope you won't have people attacking you when season 2 airs. I wish I was as enthusiastic though.

Damn ok, I'm sorry if I come off as flouncy or as if I didn't care about all the toxicity in the fandom. I'm usually not so careless, but I guess replying at 3am with melatonin pills already kicking in had been my fault.

First off, I do know why people send hate. I went off on it as more the energy you have to bring up to purposefully be an asshole and not have the guts to even put on a face or a name to. Out of all the mindful things you do in your day to day, sending someone a nasty, fucked up message as if nobody taught you any manners, is the most mind boggling. To me at least.

Im also sorry that your experience has been horrible since the start, I guess since this has been my fourth fandom I've actively joined in— written for, made an account for — I've learned which energy I devote to as out of all the fandoms I've been, this definitely takes the cake as the most toxic. I've been aware of how toxic this fandom is since last year, my best friend having been a devoted ASOIAF fan who read F&B like the bible (lol), she's exposed the gory bits of the team green vs team black discourse to me. Neither of us have engaged and I almost didn't watch the show because of that (and how much she ranted about the many changes, foremost, the mess of the ages).

Blocking is one hundred percent better for your mental health if you've had this much of a horrible experience, especially if you're keen to stay. It's truly the only way you'll survive through it. I don't block others based on not sharing the same opinions as I do , but I have blocked some who not only don't share my opinions, but say it in an aggressively ugly way.

Dunno if I've missed anymore points, I can tell this is important for you to explain to me so I wanted to reply as fast as I can. I'll be too busy the rest of the day otherwise. If I've missed anymore, please feel free to tell me.

I guess I didn't realize this was such a heavy topic for you as I felt the earlier one was sent pretty out of the blue as I didn't know where the reply initially came from, and I replied too lackadaisy.

[dearweirdme]

Hello! It's me, your annoying anon! Just wanna let you know that I'm feeling so much better now. Thanks for your responses. They helped me a lot mentally.

I visited twitter last night, and some were still going at it. I'm glad it's not that intense anymore. I don't like Jennie even before she was linked to Tae, and I dunno if I should feel bad about it, but she's under the microscope right now. Everything she does, people is criticizing. She was filmed partying with her co-stars and was caught in an uncompromising act. It's pretty normal, though. Not decent, but she's in a party, so what to expect. She can do whatever she wants with her life. Just realized, that even if they're together, I don't have to like her. I don't have to agree with what she does. But knowing how jealous Tae is, I dunno how he handles her (if they really are together). Like what I said before, I think they're poles apart. Tae doesn't even want anyone to peel his partner's perilla leaf! lol. Readers out there, I am not slutshaming Jennie. I dont care what she does with her life. Just pointing out what she's been doing.

Anyway, it's just a bit concerning how this issue affects a lot of people in our fandom. I saw some comments saying they haven't slept and eaten properly for days now, and how they couldn't concentrate anymore in their jobs and studies. It's a ridiculous thing to go through! They don't even know us, much less care about us. But, it's understandable at the same time coz we can't control our emotions sometimes. I hope we'll all get through this. This is just another obstacle that we need to surpass in the fandom.

Thanks for reading! Have a nice day!

Hi there!

You accidentally sent me this without using anon, so I decided to just copy your ask and leave out your account name. I feel you might be prone to getting hate, because of your ask otherwise.

I'm glad you are feeling better. Feelings always settle after some time.

This whole thing will probably go on for months still, although it won't be as intense as it's been the last week. It might intensify again if something new happens, but otherwise... I see things returning to 'normal' quite a bit.

I feel like maybe your cultural background, or religious background, causes you to judge female behavior differently than I would. I know little of Jennie, I've never followed BlackPink. I have no real opinion about her character because of that. She looks cute, that about as far as my opinion about her goes right now. Her partying at that afterparty to me is just her having a good time. She's intoxicated and that might blur some physical boundaries... but I haven't seen anything indecent or compromising. Would I act that way if I were in a serious relationship and everyones eyes are on me? No, probably not, but everyone is different... and every couple (no, i don't think they are) has different boundaries set. It is also possible for people to have open relationships, something celebs are (rumored) to be prone to (watch a new storyline take off). I don't think they are a couple, but Jennie's behavior is not reason for me to believe that. Tae has also been filmed dancing at an afterparty and he was also dancing with a woman, but not many have anything to say about that (maybe because a lot by now see that it's fake). Women are often judged more harshly for partying and 'wild' behavior, If anything I admire Jennie for doing what she wants despite being judged harshly.

Oh it's certainly overwhelming to a lot of fans. People should definitely take care of themselves first. I'm personally having a very busy week outside of fandom, and I've felt myself needing a bit of space from fandom because of that. So, I've been taking things slow, not answering every ask directly, not following everything as closely. I'll always be able to catch up some other time, and I have learned not to let others impatience affect my own way of dealing with things as much.

We will definitely get through this :). With how things are going right now I wonder if it is going to go much further than this. Maybe rumors and vagueness is how they plan this to go. No real confirmations will only keep people speculating. It feels very similar to Jennie's rumored relationship with G-Dragon (at least from what I've seen). Lots of rumors, sightings, but never confirmation. I've had anons saying they were really together and I've had anons saying they were only friends... so that till this day is still up in the air.

[akaanonymouth]

Big loves to all in the Berena fandom for once more seeing me through another death, another period of whatthefuckery and all the shit that comes with it; the fics, the GIFs, the meta, the tags, they're all getting me through and giving my brain something else to hold on to when it feels like I'm just... I dunno. Nothing, I guess.

[whysojiminimnida]

It saddens me to see Jikook supporter and translator accounts bullied off SM platforms. I fully respect people doing what is right for their mental health if they find the pressure gets to be too much. I just hate to see the trolls win and wonder whether you, as a grown adult who has demonstrated the ability to delete toxic comments and tell off the crazies when necessary, have some tips you can share to help others be strong.

Hi anon, I dunno if I'm the best advice rabbit, but I'll just share anyway because, well, you're here, so. And I have seen a few "goodbye social media" posts lately. I have seen many, many posts like that over my *coughdecadescough* years online.

Listen, kids, it's a rule of the internet. If you're gonna leave, LEAVE. This whole idea of "my mental health is suffering because I cannot disengage the entertainment part of my brain from my actual real social life and I need you all to understand that" is, at best, unhealthy. It smacks of attention-seeking and an inability to be proactive without constant external feedback. A short explanation is fine if you're a large account, but...

...nobody needs to read pages of drama about how you simply cannot anymore. If you can't, don't. YOU ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN SOME EPHEMERAL IDEA OF ONLINE REACH. Say that again if necessary. Into the mirror. Out loud. "Go outside and touch some grass" is actually a very good strategy for dealing with online stressors.

This is not to give people a rough time or to minimize someone's hurt feelings or pain, at all. I'm just gonna tell you how it WAS, and then how it IS:

In the early years of the interwebz, the place of AOL and Myspace and Blogspot and (gasp) the /b/ board at 4chan, we called ourselves "fags" and new people were "cancer". If you wrote a whole "goodbye cruel internet" post it was likely to get you doxxed, published, and a crisis team called to your house. YOU THINK I AM JOKING, I AM NOT JOKING. We didn't do anything if it wasn't behind seven proxies and jokes about everything were on the table. It was the Wild West, much more than the gatekeeping and "we don't assume X about Y" that we see in 2022. And to be honest people did harm themselves over it then just like they do now. Difference is, excepting a few white knights, most people figured that was a you problem. The 90s and early 00s were not a sensitive time. If you couldn't hang you were teased mercilessly and then forgotten, to be replaced with another kid whose mother would get a call at work from a random stranger in Ohio, telling her that her kid was at home looking at gay dolphin porn and needed an adult.

My advice for not letting trolls win? DON'T LET THE FUCKING TROLLS WIN. Seriously, that's it. It's not that hard. But let me break it down for you:

1. TURN IT OFF. Leave your phone (gasp) on the charger, kill your laptop, and GO THE FUCK OUTSIDE.

2. LEAVE IT OFF UNTIL YOU GAIN SOME PERSPECTIVE OR FEEL BETTER. Seriously, entire generations of people grew up without a phone attached to their hand. Some of us had CORDS on ours and they were located IN THE HOUSE and we had to SHARE THEM. You will not die if you unplug for ten minutes. My god I sound like my father DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU PEOPLE ARE TURNING ME INTO

3. LITERALLY GO OUTSIDE. For something other than school or work. If you have not seen the daytime sky in awhile now is a great time for that. Or the nighttime sky. Get on a roof DON'T JUMP and fucking BREATHE AIR. Your body probably needs the quiet time. 4. TALK TO A HUMAN FACE TO FACE. Who does not live in your house. It can be a store clerk (BE NICE) or a bus driver or your elderly neighbor. Doesn't have to be long, just "Hello" or "You look nice today" or something that isn't "screaming shaking crying please come home Jimin".

And this sounds really extreme BECAUSE IT IS: IF YOU NEED TO SAVE YOUR SANITY AND IT IS THAT SERIOUS, LEAVE THE FANDOM FOR AWHILE. I mean it. I unplug this monster about once a week for a couple of days just to experience life and nurture actual relationships with real people who are not behind a screen. But if you are finding yourself unable to disengage, you may want to, I dunno, TAKE A DANCE CLASS or JOIN A STAMP COLLECTING CLUB or GO GET A HICKEY, whatever works for you. Smile at someone. Look them in the eye. Remind yourself that you are human and often, what you are perceiving is what is being fed to you from behind a screen. We do not live in an alternate universe storyline. Cook actual food. Clean your space. Listen to NON-BTS MUSIC FOR FIVE MINUTES. Volunteer at a nursing home or assisted living facility or your city's animal shelter, if you can. TAKE A WALK. And above all, remember that BTS are ENTERTAINERS. That means they are here to ENTERTAIN US. If you are not having a good time it is time to step out of the vehicle and catch it on the next round.

I love you all. I'm sorry if I sounded like your dad or my dad. Please stay safe out there. And if you need a break I'll be here when you get back. OKAY?!?! OKAY!!! (/jungkoo)

[wovenstarlight]

is your "send me a character and i’ll list:" meme still open?? if so, han yoojin (canon or yours, your pick)?

(send me a character and i'll list...)

i love the way you phrased this. he's my poor little meow meow too. shared custody with geunseo. jokes aside i'll pick canon because i have a bunch of hyjs with all slightly different flavors of weird depending on the AU so let's go the simple route

favorite thing about them

god he is so fucking mentally ill. i'm being funnee but quite honestly i love how all over the place his emotional state is. someone will be like Hey, i think you're a decent dude! :) and he'll be like "i'm going to jump out of this moving car right now. never speak to me again. never look at me again." he's straight up having a panic attack and yoohyun will call him and he'll be like Actually i'm fine by way of i don't give a shit anymore. [fond voice] what the fuck, dude

least favorite thing about them

god he is so fucking mentally ill. i dare him to tell the whole truth ONE time in his life. you'd think after yoohyun burned down a whole forest and was ready to fake hyj's death for him he'd have gotten better but hyj is olympic athlete at the sport of Running Away From Healthy Communication and Healthy Coping Mechanisms. i don't begrudge him for having trauma but i hate the way he chooses to deal with it despite everyone around him straight up going "here's how you can deal with this better". i know it makes him an interesting protag. i hate it though. be less interesting it's good for your health. who give a fuck.

favorite line

i'd answer this except i don't have one LMFAO i don't retain any memory of the text past when it's literally in front of me. my favorite line is whatever i most recently read. ok i got one, the ebook edits i was going over recently extended the scene where hyj first gets kidnapped and now there's like 3 new paragraphs of him commentating like a sports announcer just how shitty his kidnappers are at their job. he's like LMFAO look at this stupid loser. loser got kicked by a weak shit F-rank. stupid weak shit kidnapper. it had me in tears laughing

brOTP

myeongwoo yoojin myeongwoo yoojin myeongwoo yoojin they are bros they are besties they are ride or dies i want childhood friends myeongwoo yoojin content at all times i have a medical deficiency

OTP

[fond smile] jinjae. taejin. taejinjae. stw and shj have such fucking compelling relationships with hyj it makes me want to put a bowl over my head whenever i think about them too long

nOTP

eeurgh..... i dunno.... i don't really have....... notps with hyj? past, like. the obvious. with yoohyun or yerim. oh maybe noah i know some people ship noah and yoojin but i just can't see it. that's his little boy v2.0

random headcanon

he's really good at rhythm games... he likes the simplicity of it. yerim got him into them and then realized he was just fucking better at it than her and now she outsources 90% of her actual playtime to hyj who just accepts it bemused

unpopular opinion

what opinions are popular LMAO idk i don't associate with the actual fandom enough to know what opinions are un/popular

song i associate with them

GAH i'm gonna say. atlas two by sleeping at last. i assign this song to every one of my knovel male protags but unfortunately the fact is that i have a type. WAIT also nobody by mitski that one can be attributed to zmur

favorite picture of them

oh fuck oh shit the same problem as fave line. here have this from latest webtoon update

constant hyj mood. constant hyj lover mood. i'm simultaneously all three of the people in this image and also the wrecked room in the background

[obsidian-goblet]

water rock spirit for the elemental writing asks ^^

Hello! Thanks for the ask! I have absolutely responded in a reasonable time frame! (sorry sorry ahhhh)

Water: How did you start writing?

I want to have a really cool story for this, but literally I just, always did? I remember being somewhere around five or six, sitting at the table and just writing? And a little older, where I had a dream, and my mother told me to keep writing what happened after I woke up. And then being like, 12, I guess, writing fanfiction, before I knew fanfiction was even a thing. I was just Doing It. I devoured books, I guess it makes sense that I would want to make up my own stories? I dunno man, it's just always been A Thing.

Rock: How do you deal with writer’s block?

I don't lmao

I don't think I get writer's block the way that implies anymore - I get very little time to write, and usually my frustration comes from wanting to write something specific that I can't write with my current characters, or for a current fandom, so I just get mad and do something else. It's not the same as being unable to get words down, it's just being sulky.

I make sure I have a lot of variety, though. I do freeb threads on various websites to write stuff I'm not invested in, and I have plenty of fandoms to fall back on, if I don't feel one of my major projects. I find I'm much less likely to be stuck if I don't feel stuck, if I don't feel like I only have One Option, that I can Only Write This Thing. (And the freeb threads work really well for making sure that I just get words out, like little warm ups, which has done wonders for the mental blocks!)

I try to be pretty relaxed about it nowadays. I have enough pressure from other responsibilities, I don't want to turn my hobby into something stressful again!

Spirit: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received on your writing?

Oh man, hands down the time someone left this review on a fanfic I wrote

"The first time I read, I suddenly realized halfway through that, of course, it's not an actual person--it's a metaphor! So I scrolled back up and started reading from the beginning again to see if I could figure it out. I had guessed money at first, but that didn't line up with his first "glimpse" of her (though I suspect that may have been what one of her sisters was). Reading the last line of the fic was a great "AHA!" moment."

Like wow, yes, please tell me more about how my point came across and you engaged with it and YEAH indeed one of the sisters was money, thank you, I feel so very proud of my writing prowess now.

There's something about complete strangers taking the time to praise stuff like that out of the blue, you know? I was never going to know if they read it or cared, and they still thought to really try and be encouraging. It meant a lot!

[killemwithkawaii]

Why did you have to kidnap them? Sorry, I'm still trying to wrap my mind around this. I know you came here a bit late and all and having only one month to spend with senpai does suck but why kidnap them? Being kidnapped is a really scary thing and I'm not surprised senpai still doesn't trust you, you already took away that trust when you took them away from their home. I dunno. Hope Senpai's coping with the situation alright ❤

The time-crunch and current state of this timeline put me under a lot of pressure. I didn't see many other options after a certain point.

I didn't just decide to kidnap them as soon as I found myself here, if that's what you guys have been assuming. I had originally planned on trying to casually run into them at a con they were planning on going to earlier in the year:

They would be very impressed by my 'cosplay' and strike up a conversation, maybe ask me for a photo, and that would be my opportunity to try and hang out with them for the rest of the weekend. We would exchange phone numbers, 'find out' we lived close to each other, then we'd meet outside the con, spend some time together, fall madly in love all over again... It would have to be quick, but I still wanted it to be as natural as possible. 

Plans changed because of that sickness that's going around. Things started being shut down left and right less than a month after I found Mitch. The convention was cancelled, and people stopped going out almost completely. There was pretty much no way for me to make it seem like we met by chance [and I kept chickening out whenever I tried to approach them while they were shopping for groceries]. They were under so much stress, and became so dedicated to their blog, their drawing, and to writing all that romantic [and kinky] stuff about me as an escape...

I was honestly hoping that they would like this. With all the 'yandere' stuff they've published [and a lot of private conversations they've had with their 'fandom friends'], it seemed like they would? 

Maybe they would be a little scared at first, but the S-rank best-case scenario I had in mind was that they would come out of sedation to find themselves in my arms, see me, and maybe that would be the thing that would unlock all of the memories that had just been kind of seeping from their subconscious and into their writing until now? Or they would look at me and just know it was really me?

Either way, it would be like all of their wildest fantasies were coming true: I was real, I was with them, I loved them like they loved me, and they would finally be able to do a bunch of the things they've wanted to do with me! On top of that, they don't have to go to their day-job, they don't have to deal with the news or the public, they don't have to risk getting sick, and they don't have ANY responsibilities. They can just draw and spend time in the woods and do whatever else they want for a whole month with the literal man of their dreams 💙💙💙

...

I'm not delusional enough right now that I expected that exact outcome, though. There IS still a decent shot at the second-best-case scenario I hoped for, which is where they slowly warm up to me over a week or two, then have some 'eureka' moment where they can't deny the uncanny feeling of recognition they have toward me anymore, finally accept that I am in fact who I say I am, and we make the most of the rest of the time we have together.

I would still be okay with it if we end up with the so-so scenario, which is where they begrudgingly accept me as a room-mate for their surprise month-long vacation, and hopefully we become friends and make a few good memories by the time I have to go. 

The not-so-good scenario is if they start being more violent toward me or try to hurt themselves. I let the biting and the hair pulling and the shoving go, but if it gets worse and doesn't let up, I might end up having to sedate them until the 31st... I really don't want to, but I'm prepared to, if it's the only way I can be near them until then. Let’s hope it doesn't come to that. 

They seem to be doing alright now. I admit that I may have laid it on a little thick last night. I was so happy when they finally agreed to let me share the bed with them that I started reminiscing again and it kiiiind of ended up turning them off...

But, they cheered up a little once I broke out the cheesecake that I've been saving in the freezer and put on a 'Stephen Universe' marathon. They've been doodling next to me since they finished their goretober prompt and have been catching me up on the major plot-points of the show. It's a lot like a series they liked in the last timeline. It's really nice to hear them info-dump about it to me again 💙