#I feel guilty for tagging Shakespeare | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chvoswxtch · 2 years

Text

a compromise. (3/?)

pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader

summary: eddie munson desperately needs to graduate this year, and you're the only tutor that hasn't turned him down. (part 3 to i’m not above begging & shakespeare is metal)

warnings: cursing, jason carver being a shithead once again

word count: 3.4k

a/n: alright my loves, here is part 3 to the little series I still have no name for (oops)! I am once again apologizing for the word count (I had to tell myself to shut up when I reached 3.4k). this part is pure fluff but I do have some angst coming up (i’m a slut for some good angst) and it might even get a little ~spicy~. as always, feedback is welcomed/appreciated!

tags: @uraveragequeer @rosaline-black

I thought about faking being sick. Screw perfect attendance. I could easily convince my mom to call the school on my behalf. I had never stayed home sick, not even freshman year when I was running a hundred and two fever. It would be believable. I could even run the hairdryer over my forehead for good measure. I could ask my mom to let the librarian know to pass on the news to Eddie when he showed up for our session.

Coward.

I thought about coming up with a reason to cancel our session. I could leave a note in his locker saying something had come up, and we would have to reschedule. Then I wouldn’t have to look at him, and my heart wouldn’t shatter into a million guilty pieces.

Would he get the note though? Does Eddie even use his locker? Would he think I just bailed on him?

I pulled my pillow tightly over my face and screamed until my lungs hurt. To my dismay, I didn’t suffocate. Surely that would be a better fate than having to face Eddie with the prying eyes of Jason Carver. I glanced at the clock on my nightstand that read 6:58. It was now or never.

Luckily I had been able to convince Eddie that my less than chipper demeanor was due to a case of insomnia. If he was able to see through my lie, he didn’t mention it, and carried on with our usual routine. I tried my hardest to be present, but every time I looked at him, that nauseous feeling rose in the pit of my stomach again. I kept replaying my conversation with Jason over and over in my mind. I had managed to placate him with my promise, but how long was that going to last? Would he just keep bothering me the more time I spent with Eddie? Would he ever leave it alone? Why the hell did he even feel like he had a say in my life anyway?

A snap of someone’s fingers quickly pulled me out of my trance and I focused my attention back on Eddie who’s large hand was still hovering in front of my face. His eyes were full of concern, head tilted slightly to the side as he looked at me with a timid smile.

“You with me, sweetheart?”

“What? Oh, yeah. S-Sorry.”

“Well?”

“Well what?”

“You didn’t hear a word I said, did you?”

Eddie’s timid smile morphed into a playful smirk at the corner of his mouth, crossing his arms across his broad chest as he arched one of his brows in question. Embarrassment and guilt flooded my veins as I rubbed my palms over my cheeks.

“I-I’m sorry, Eddie. I wasn’t trying to tune you out. I’m just..tired. That sleep I didn’t get is really getting to me. What were you saying?”

Eddie simply stared at me with a lopsided grin, shaking his head as he waved his hands in front of me in dismissal.

“It’s alright, angel. I understand. If it helps, you’re still as pretty as you were yesterday, so I don’t think your beauty sleep was affected.”

Pretty. He thinks I’m pretty.

God, I didn’t deserve Eddie Munson. I didn’t deserve his kindness and sweet smile. I definitely didn’t deserve him calling me pretty when I knew for a fact I looked like a hot mess. I’d only had five minutes to get ready after losing the internal battle I waged with myself.

Get a grip. He’s just being nice because you look like shit and you’re acting weird.

“I was saying you should sit with us today.”

“Sit with you?”

“Yeah, at lunch today. Come hangout with us.”

My eyes widened slightly as my brain registered what Eddie was asking. He wanted me to sit with him and his Hellfire club during lunch today. The same lunch period we shared with Jason Carver and his basketball minions. I typically spent my lunch period in the library, fitting in a few extra sessions with desperate students, or I spent it in the newspaper room with Nancy helping her reach important deadlines. I couldn’t sit with Eddie and his friends. I could already see the pissed off look on Jason’s face, stalking over to no doubt start a fight. I couldn’t subject Eddie to that.

“O-Oh, I uh..I can’t. I have some um..things I need to finish for a class.”

“Oh come on, sweetheart. Take the day off, you work too hard. You need to give that pretty little head of yours a break.”

Pretty. He said it again.

“I-I’m sorry, Eddie. I just..can’t. I’m sorry.”

There was a flash of hurt that swept over his features. He quickly covered it up with a tight lipped smile, but it was too late. I had seen it. And it made me want to die.

“Yeah, sure. No, I uh..I get it. Got a reputation to uphold, can’t have our cult tarnishing it.”

There was a bite to the way he said cult. I dug my fingernails so hard into my palm I thought I was going to break the skin. God, you are such a bitch. Just tell him the truth!

“No no, no Eddie it’s nothing like that. I swear. I just..I just don’t want to cause any trouble. That’s all.”

“Trouble? How are you causing trouble if I’m inviting you?”

“I..it’s..it doesn’t matter right now. Look, can we please get back to work? We only have ten minutes left.”

I forced the most convincing smile I could conjure, picking up my pencil once again and turning to a fresh page in my notebook. We had been working on an outline for Eddie’s essay to keep his ideas on track and organized. I attempted to direct him back to the page of Hamlet we were going over, but Eddie wouldn’t budge. He stared at me with an expression I couldn’t read, and clasped his hands together in front of him on the table.

“I want to negotiate the terms of our arrangement.”

“W-What?”

“When you agreed to tutor me, one of your rules was transparency. You said I had to be up front about when I needed a break, if I was going to be late or couldn’t make it and shit like that. Right?”

My brows pulled together in confusion as I stared over at Eddie, trying to gauge where he was going with this conversation. I gave a slight nod of my head to signal him to keep going.

“I want to negotiate that transparency applies to both of us.”

“Eddie..these sessions are for you. To help you. They’re not my personal therapy sessions. If I eat up our time crying about my problems, then I’m not doing my job, and that’s not fair to you.”

Eddie’s lips curved upwards into a small smile, his rings knocking against the wood as he tapped his knuckles on the table with a shake of his head.

“Well, I hate to disagree with you sweetheart, but I simply can’t focus when I know there’s something bothering my favorite girl. It wouldn’t feel right to keep pretending I give a shit about Shakespeare when you’re not your usual ray of sunshine. So, until you accept these new terms, I’m afraid William here is gonna have to wait.”

Eddie’s mouth stretched into a cheshire grin, clearly pleased with himself. Warmth erupted in my belly at his words and I found myself subconsciously pressing my thighs together under the table to relieve the pressure that was beginning to build.

Oh.

My lips parted slightly as I racked my brain for a normal response. But it was blank. I couldn’t think of anything other than the fact that Eddie Munson just used the words “my” and “favorite” and “girl” in a sentence about me.

My favorite girl. Yeah, I could get used to hearing that.

His words ignited a flame in my belly that quickly spread over my body, roaring in between my thighs. I gripped at the edge of my skirt under the table, swallowing thickly as a sinful thought of Eddie whispering those same words in my ear crossed my mind. I couldn’t stop the words that tumbled from my lips.

“I don’t want Jason to bother you.”

Eddie’s entire demeanor instantly changed. The playful smile on his face disappeared, his full lips settling into a hard line. His jaw clenched, accentuating how sharp his features actually were. How had I never noticed how sharp his jawline was before? Have his cheekbones always looked like that? God, why is he so attractive? What is happening to me?

“What does that have to do with you?”

Eddie’s voice came out gruff in a deeper tone than I had ever heard him use before. I wanted to smack my forehead realizing what a mess I had just created in the midst of my distraction.

“It’s..not important. Let’s just keep going.”

“Are you guys dating or something?”

There was a scowl coating his lips and his face twisted in disgust as if he’d just smelt something rancid. My head snapped up instantly to stare at him in surprise, completely taken aback by his comment.

“What? God, no. Why would you think that?”

“Because you’re not giving me much to work with here, sweetheart. The only reason I could think of that asshole not liking you sitting with us is he doesn’t want his girlfriend near the freak.”

“I am not dating Jason Carver. I can’t even believe you think that I would! God, I would rather jump into that volcano in the motor place.”

“Mordor.”

“Whatever, you know what I mean!”

“So, then what is this all about?”

I dropped my pencil on the table and let out a sigh of frustration. What was all this about? Honestly, I had no fucking idea. I still had no inclination on why Jason Carver was suddenly so interested in my safety that he felt was at risk.

“I..he just..he came up to me yesterday after we left the library and told me he could get you to leave me alone and that I shouldn’t be tutoring you. He thinks I’m like your next virgin sacrifice or something and he wouldn’t quit until I promised to come to him if I felt ‘threatened’.”

“Did you?”

“What?”

“Promise him.”

“Oh..well, yeah.”

There was that expression again that I couldn’t read. Eddie stared at me silently, and I felt nervous under his gaze. His eyes flickered to the notebook in front of him, a low hum sounding from the back of his throat. That nauseous feeling returned to my stomach with a vengeance.

“Eddie, I don’t think that about you. I don’t believe any of that stuff. I know that you would never do anything to hurt me or make me feel uncomfortable. I only made Jason that stupid promise so he would leave me alone. He’s the one that makes me uncomfortable. He..he doesn’t even know my name. I’ve tutored him countless times and he never bothered to remember my name, but now all of a sudden he feels the need to ‘protect me’ because of some bullshit that he believes about you. Look I just..I don’t want to give him another reason to be mean to you or any of your friends. If I sit with you guys, he’s not going to like it, and you know how he is when he doesn’t get his way. I’m not going to be another reason for him to treat you badly.”

A huff left my lips after I finished my long winded rant and my lungs notified me that I hadn’t bothered to stop and take a breath. A considerable weight felt like it had been lifted off my shoulders, and that nauseous feeling was beginning to fade. I just wanted Eddie to understand where I was coming from. I wanted him to know that I didn’t think he was bad or dangerous. I wanted him to know I thought the world of him.

I was nervous to meet his gaze, but when I did my brows furrowed quizzically. His face was a mixture of amusement and disbelief, his big brown eyes appearing slightly larger than usual.

“Did you just swear?”

“Eddie! Seriously? That’s all you got from that?”

A riotous laugh ripped through Eddie’s chest, filling the confinements of the library. His eyes crinkled at the corners and his mouth was split wide open into a huge grin as he held his large hands up in surrender.

“I’m sorry! I’m just..shocked to hear such foul language from you, angel. I didn’t know you knew such words.”

“Oh I’ve learned plenty from you in the past three weeks.”

“You’re right. That’s my fault. I shouldn’t speak so crassly in front of a pretty lady. I promise to be better.”

Eddie’s full lips tugged into a smirk as he stared across the table at me. My face instantly felt hot and I found myself clutching at the edge of my skirt under the table once again. Did he even know what he was doing to me? Could he even tell? Does he look at other girls like this and call them pretty?

“Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“B-Because..I-I thought you would be mad at me.”

I lowered my head in shame, suddenly finding a loose string on my tights very interesting. Guilt flooded over me like a monsoon. I didn’t want to see the disappointment. I couldn’t handle it. I don’t think I could survive Eddie Munson being mad at me.

“What? Why would I be mad at you?”

“Because I..I didn’t correct him.”

“Sweetheart, it’s alright.”

“No, it isn’t! I just..stood there while he said horrible things about you, and I didn’t say anything. I didn’t stand up for you and I-“

“You already did.”

“What?”

Eddie reached over to place one of his large hands over mine, giving it a gentle squeeze. His skin was so warm against the stark contrast of the cool metal covering his fingers. My heart started to race and I could hear it pounding in my ears.

Eddie Munson is holding my hand.

“That day, in the tutoring center, you stood up for me. You agreed to help me when everyone else shot me down. You stand up for me everyday when you show up. Everyone else would have given up at this point. But you’re still here. You’re always patient with me. You don’t treat me like I’m an idiot when I don’t get something. You put up with me consistently getting off topic and ranting about shit I know you could care less about. You encourage me. You stick up for me everyday whether you realize it or not. I don’t give a shit what Jason Carver thinks of me. All I care about is what you think of me. And if you think that I’m worth sticking up for, that’s enough for me.”

The room suddenly felt too small, and I was certain if Eddie kept looking at me like that I was going to melt into a puddle on the floor. My heart swelled in my chest. There was so much I wanted to say, but I felt like I couldn’t speak. My words were being held hostage by the lump forming in my throat. I glanced down at Eddie’s hand that had completely covered my own. I loved the way his hand felt on mine. It felt so..right. So natural. I never wanted him to stop holding onto my hand. I managed to utter the only words my brain could form.

“I do.”

The shrill ring of the bell pulled us out of our serene little bubble and back into a harsh reality. Eddie slowly retracted his hand and I immediately found myself missing the warmth of his touch. Eddie flashed me a tender smile as he rose to his feet, placing his hands on his hips.

“So, will you please accept these new terms and conditions of transparency? I’d really like to graduate, but I’m committed to my cause.”

I pursed my lips, tapping my finger against my chin as I looked up at Eddie with a playful grin.

“Okay, fine. After careful consideration, I’ve decided to accept these new terms and conditions.”

“Pleasure doing business with you, sweetheart.”

Eddie shot me a quick wink on his way out of the library. That damn wink. Eddie Munson will be my demise. I was in the middle of gathering my things when a sharp gasp left my mouth as a sudden realization dawned on me.

I had told Eddie Munson that I was a virgin.

The bang of a tray being dropped on the table caused me to jump, my attention being ripped from the algebra homework I was working on and settling on the source of the commotion.

Eddie.

“Boys, this is Y/N. Y/N/N, this is Hellfire. That’s Jeff and Gareth, and I believe you already know the little hellions: Henderson, Sinclair, and Wheeler.”

I smiled shyly at the older boys, turning my head to look at the trio of freshmen in front of me that were clutching onto their lunch trays and staring at me with huge grins. I had met Mike several times while hanging out with Nancy, and had been introduced to Dustin and Lucas through him.

“Uh..y-yeah. Hi guys.”

Eddie took a seat in the chair beside me, the rest of the boys immediately following suit after their leader. He closed the textbook I had open and shoved it aside, picking up my long-forgotten lunchbox from the floor and setting it in front of me.

“Eat. Drink. Be merry.”

I glanced around the now crowded table, seeing each of the boys eyeing me expectantly with friendly smiles on their faces.

“Um..Eddie? What..what’s all this?”

“A compromise.”

“A compromise?”

“I’m not letting that dickhead ruin you hanging out with us. If you can’t come to us, we’ll come to you.”

“We don’t mind, really. It’s kinda nice to have a break from those jerks.”

Dustin looked at me with the biggest grin on his face. He was always such a sweet kid, and actually quite hilarious. Nancy always hated the sound of their group’s constant bickering, but it always made me giggle.

“Thank you, Dustin. And thank you guys too..for..coming to hangout with me.”

My cheeks flamed from the attention. I always felt uncomfortable being stared at. But right now I was mainly just nervous. I didn’t want to embarrass myself in front of Eddie and his friends.

“So..what do you guys normally talk about during lunch?”

“Dungeons and Dragons, mostly. Wanna see this drawing I did for a new character I made?”

“Henderson, pipe down. Don’t freak the girl out. If you blow this, she’ll never hangout with us again, and then I will make it my personal mission to make sure you perish in every campaign from here on out.”

I couldn’t help but giggle as Dustin began to protest. Out of all the boys, I could tell that Eddie was closest to Dustin from the way they interacted. They had a true sibling dynamic.

“No no, show me! Please? Seriously, please don’t feel like you guys have to do anything differently in here. I mean, Eddie you can’t stand on the table and go on a rant, but please..just..be yourselves.”

“Ha! See? I knew she was cool. In your face, Munson.”

Dustin immediately wedged himself in between mine and Eddie’s chairs, showing me the pages of drawings he had done for his characters and firing off anecdotes about what everything was and what it was for. Eddie eventually shoved him back towards his seat, glaring at the other two younger boys as if warning them to also stay in their respective spots.

The boys immediately settled into their usual routine of discussion. I didn’t hardly understand anything they were talking about, but I found myself genuinely enjoying their company. I snuck a glance at Eddie to find him already looking at me with a small smile on his lips. I felt my heart swell again at the gesture. He didn’t have to drag his friends to come sit with me. He didn’t have to be here. But he did it for me.

“Thank you.”

“Anytime, angel.”

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x female reader #stranger things #stranger things fic #eddie munson fic #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x fem!reader #hellfire club #jason carver #dustin henderson #mike wheeler #lucas sinclair #nancy wheeler

388 notes · View notes

castawavy · 1 year

Photo

15 oc questions - tag game

I was tagged by @madeofcc (ty for the tag ben!) he answered for his ocs ic so I think I will too, and answer for my new ocs 💟

1) are you named after anyone?

ophelia: ‘I don’t think so! I know that there’s a Shakespeare character called Ophelia but she drowns... so I hope it’s not her- I think my parents just liked the name!’

lyra: ‘oh well... I was named after a star I think?’

ren: ‘my full name is laurent, but I don’t use it much. My mother was french so she picked the name, but she always called me ren’

jude: ‘errr no clue- my parents just named me randomly I guess, my little brother’s called ash’

2) when was the last time you cried?

ophelia: ‘god, all the time. I cried recently watching Mulan.’

lyra: ‘I’ve been keeping it together for awhile now.’

ren: ‘recently. I was opening up to a friend and I ended up crying, I was a little drunk though...’

jude: ‘my dad was in hospital recently and I felt like crying, but I didn’t. I know that’s weird of me, but it’s hard to’

3) do you have kids?

ophelia: ‘ew, no! I don’t even want to think about that...’

lyra: ‘no.’

ren: ‘erm, no. I’m way too young. also I’ve never really considered children, it seems more hassle than it’s worth.’

jude: ‘hah! no. I’d maybe like them one day though... but that’s something for another day.’

4) do you use sarcasm?

ophelia: ‘guilty!’

lyra: ‘not really. I don’t really like that type of humor. ophelia does it to jude alot.’

ren: ‘not especially. I’m more of a fan of self deprecation. I know... it’s not good but it’s how I’ve learned to cope, alright?’

jude: ‘no, it’s cheap.’ 😒

5) whats the first thing you notice about people?

ophelia: ‘their breath! if you have bad breath I notice right away eugh!’

lyra: ‘um. their eyes I guess, like, what colour they are maybe?’

ren: ‘I usually notice their mannerisms, like I always try to guess how someone is feeling based on their body language.

jude: ‘face mostly. I don’t know!’

6) what’s your eye colour?

ophelia: ‘I have brown eyes, like my parents do!’

lyra: ‘I don’t know err, black eyes I guess?’

ren: ‘brown’

jude: ‘brown’

7) scary movies or happy endings?

ophelia: ‘happy endings! I hate sad endings! I was devastated at the ending of The Haunting of Bly Manor- I even like when horror ends happy and I was really rooting for them!’

lyra: ‘scary movies. I love horror, but I don’t watch fims much’.

ren: ‘I’m not really into horror.’

jude: ‘spoookeh! I love a good horror, the more gory the better too, like, I wanna see blood and guts.’

8) any special talents?

ophelia: ‘well there’s my affinity, anything I draw with magic on paper comes to life, i’d say that’s pretty special!’

lyra: ‘what? like my affinity? I can read minds... I’m a psychic, but I don’t know if that’s that special... a lot of people have a psychic affinity.’

ren: ‘I’m really good at painting.’

jude: ‘dude, watch this!’

9) where were you born?

ophelia: ‘los angeles!’

lyra: ‘I don’t really know to be honest... I was abandoned by my mum at a mall so... yeah.’

ren: ‘lyon! but my parents also lived in london for awhile.’

jude: ‘new york. god I miss it...’

10) what are your hobbies?

ophelia: ‘errr I watch a lot of reality tv, I also play simulation games like the sims, stardew valley- those kinds of games’.

lyra: ‘I play a lot of video games. I really like Destiny, but also horror games like Dead by Daylight, and Resident Evil- yeah, I play a lot of games, just look at my steam library instead maybe. Sometimes I stream them, but I don’t use webcam so...’

ren: ‘painting and drawing... I don’t really do much else, but I like this one game I have on my laptop called Mini Motorways- it’s really relaxing’.

jude: ‘watching movies, reading comics, playing guitar... I like a lot of things, and I watch a lot of Youtube as well! I also play basketball.’

11) have you any pets?

ophelia: ‘no... and my mom wouldn’t let me get a snake’

lyra: ‘oh yeah, we have two dogs. a pomeranian named apple and a sausage dog called bean- my dad’s are really bad at naming animals’.

ren: ‘no, but there’s a cat with socks that comes into my garden sometimes.’

jude: ‘we have a cat. she loves me more than she loves my mom-heh’.

12) what sports do you play / have you played?

ophelia: ‘HA. I don’t ‘sport’.

lyra: ‘next question.’

ren: ‘I sometimes play football with my friends. I do it socially, I’m not that interested in sports.’

jude: ‘oh ya, like I said earlier, I play some basketball sometimes!’

13) how tall are you?

ophelia: ‘five foot eight! I’m pretty tall actually.’

lyra: ‘I’m about five three.’

ren: ‘err, five foot ten I think- I haven’t checked in awhile though.’

jude: ‘six one. you can measure me if you like, I’ll prove it.’

14) favourite subject in school?

ophelia: ‘I really like geography and textiles.’

lyra: ‘art is the most relaxing... I hate school to be honest’.

ren: ‘art, but I like history a lot as well.’

jude: ‘errr physics, or maths. I like maths as well.’

15) dream job?

ophelia: ‘I’d like to work in media! working on a tv set would be really fun, or a costume set!’

lyra: ‘if I could earn money playing video games I’d do that. yeah.’

ren: ‘well, I’d like to be an artist but that’s not always realistic. My second choice would be a job that doesn’t cause me any stress, or working outside somewhere...’

jude: ‘I haven’t really thought about that.’

im gonna tag @itsmariejanel, @sadnesshotline @rebouks @pralinesims @astralsi and @verthu ! (but don’t feel like you have to hehe) 💟

#tag game #s: ophelia #s: lyra #s: ren #s: jude

47 notes · View notes

raytorosaurus · 11 months

Note

maybe this is a 'hot take' for which i apologize but. i feel like fanart is a big aspect of this too- how different even is it to make 'rpf' of gerards stage characters as opposed to fanart of it. it's essentially only a different medium. keeping it separate from gerard (Person In Reality Who Has A Life) outside of (character he made up to have fun with) can also easily be an invitation for fans to have fun with it too. which is why a healthy relationship with it can and does bring good things. in theory i mean. ive never seen an mcr fanfic i really liked but :p

yeah i see what you mean, it's one of the reasons that the step from tumblr (or twitter) fandom to the ao3 tag feels like. quite an arbitrary place to draw the line? as if the same thoughts and behaviours are fine right up into they're intentionally put to prose - but images or even comics are okay, textposts discussing their emotions and states of mind as extrapolated from live shows or song lyrics, putting research into constructing timelines of their lives or compiling facts about them as people - even writing (sometimes quite detailed) sexually explicit posts/tags about them is common around here. i do a lot of these things too - i'm not saying they're inherently wrong or bad - but i genuinely don't see how they're any less prone to being disrespectful or invasive or comically removed from reality than a writer putting them in a situation lol. they all involve some level of assumption, scrutiny, and interpretation.

there are definitely valid arguments to make against engaging with rpf in a fandom sense! i totally respect that, and it's something i felt kind of ashamed/guilty about when i first got into mcr, so i understand the reservations. it's just that...the way i see it, i truly think those arguments just as reasonably apply to so much of what happens in any fandom involving real people. behaviours that are extremely common and far from unique to the online fan spaces of today, to the point where avoiding them is a more conscious decision than engaging in them. i respect if people do make that choice, but...that isn't any of us who are running mcr fanblogs yk? haha.

anyway yeah. i agree with you anon, i reckon most people's definition of what does and doesn't entail rpf is just a lot narrower than the reality. there's a lot of extremely beautiful, highly-skilled emotive fanart out there, for which i'm so appreciative! i 100% don't mean it as an insult when i say those often a different kind of rpf. so are the emotive posts about how much this tour means to all the guys, how happy they are, how much they love each other and how they're all friends. i'm not saying these things are untrue, i'm just saying they absolutely don't paint an unbiased holistic picture of real human beings and their genuine emotional states hahaha. neither does fanfiction. and i just think it's impossible to not realise that if you're engaging with fanfic in any kind of thoughtful way, as opposed to reblogging textposts about them on tumblr that also project a lot onto them, yk?

and okay. i also think "the bible/succession/velvet goldmine etc etc is rpf too! shakespeare wrote rpf!" is equally as reductive as "rpf is when fangirls write about band members boning each other." as always, there's just so much more nuance there. what does and doesn't make rpf is a lot more about intent, and if you're parasocially attached to these people as deeply as we all are, most of us just share that same intent. and from what i've seen (though in fairness this is the first real person fandom i've been in, and i only really talk to other adults) it tends to be the people actively engaging with fanfic who are a better at accepting how much of fandom is pure projection and assumption based on very limited information. and that acceptance is a huge part of having a healthier relationship with celebrities/bands/bandom (along with the conscious acknowledgement that these people don't owe us anything at all besides the shows we bought tickets for - least of all insight into their personal lives or private thoughts.)

like genuinely? free your minds. we're all making shit up based on the little parts we see, i think it's healthier and more fun to openly accept that. who cares what's real when we can talk about things in terms of narratives and arcs and metaphors - none of which truly exist in real life, which is infinitely complex and individual and messy. or, more precisely, who cares what's real as long as you know what isn't! and keep that stuff far far away from the real human people involved in the band.

#my god im sorry this is so long and probably very repetitive. djdmfjdj.#but yeah im with you anon #answered #mcr talk

25 notes · View notes

suits-of-woe · 4 years

Text

Quarantine Questions

I was tagged by @harry-leroy to answer these...I’m still busy and trying to catch up a few tag games so I’m not gonna tag anyone but feel free to do these if you’re interested :)

1. Are you staying home from work/school?

Yeah I’ve been home from university since March 16 :(

2. If you are staying home who is with you?

My dad, stepmom, and brothers. I was going back and forth to my mom’s house too but we decided it’s too risky to keep moving, so I’m just at my dad’s for the moment.

3. Who would be your ideal quarantine mate?

Someone who will yell at me until I actually do my homework/read/watch more Shakespeare/exercise/clean my room. Also someone who doesn’t make the bottom floor of the house smell like weed constantly...thanks @ my little brother

4. Are you a homebody?

Yeah but when I was at university I was actually getting a lot better at going out and spending more time with friends and doing work in public spaces where I knew I’d be more productive...RIP to that

5. An event you were looking forward to that got cancelled?

My trip to London with my grandparents :(((((( They’ve said we’ll go next year and our tickets will still mostly be valid so I’m holding out hope that everyone stays safe and it can still happen eventually, but I’m incredibly sad about that one.

6. What movies have you watched recently?

Actually none in awhile, but I have like 5+ free Shakespeare adaptations I’m looking forward to once I can stop procrastinating.

7. What shows are you watching?

My family finally caved and started watching Tiger King hahaha. Also the first season of Critical Role on youtube because apparently I’m a full-time D&D bitch these days.

8. What music are you listening to?

Mostly a lot of background music while doing homework, which is usually Latin pop because it’s upbeat and fun but I can’t understand the words unless I’m giving it my attention.

9. What are you doing for self-care?

Tbh I’m not sure where self-care stops and indulging in my laziness starts but I’ve been sleeping in late every day which is nice. And making sure to shower, wash my hair, and change clothes every 1-2 days so I don’t start feeling super gross

10. What are you reading?

Infinite Jest STILL! I’m in the home stretch though. And various articles about Hamlet for my final Arts paper :)

#as you can see quarantine isn't treating me great but we'll get through it #excited to be done with my homework in a few weeks #the issue is i have work that i procrastinate but while i'm procrastinating i never do anything FUN #cause i feel guilty about starting a fun thing when i have work #so instead i just waste too much time doing stuff that isn't even enjoyable #oh well #it's gonna be okay #mine #tag games #not shakespeare

4 notes · View notes

spacelasagna · 2 years

Text

School Rivalry AU headcanons

warning: long. So long. 8 pages worth of long.

@music-note120 @smolbisexualmess @coronahamilton1964 @peanutbell I’m tagging you all, space cadets, you made me do this and I love you for it. NO REFUNDS THO.

A while ago I promised some headcanons for [this] and [this], so despite my initial fear of writing and posting anything, now I feel comfortable enough with sharing. I mean, I’ve never met more supportive people.

First of all, I have absolutely no idea what high school football is like (or cheerleading for that matter), my expertise comes only from guilty-pleasure watching Glee. Where I come from school rivalry is not really that popular I think? Or maybe I’m just oblivious, I wouldn’t be surprised. I can pay attention for like half a second before my brain looses connection.

English = hard, I can’t stress that enough. Enjoy!

I mentioned in one comment that the thought process behind Owls design literally involved sitting my dumb bottom cheeks down to google “which animal danger to mole” and internet gods proposed owls, so. My brain farted: “owls occasionally hunt moles, moles=ground, owls=sky, one flies the other doesn’t, amazing, it was meant to be”;

I fiddled with colors for two hours. Canon already showed us that for Moles it’s violet, navy, some gold, then I had to color in Douxie’s varsity jacket and nothing worked. At one point I’ve given up. Black it is, I love black, can’t go wrong with black;

For this AU just remember any 80’s, 90’s, 00’s vibes teenage drama movie you’ve ever watched and it’s probably accurate to what I was going for;

There’s no magic in this AU. No trolls and trollhunters, everything is plain and mundane, Strickler’s the principal at AOH, others probably work there too (Blinky as school’s counselor, Aarghaumont as the sweetest janitor and Draal’s like, a security guard that’s very dedicated to their duty);

Douxie hc:

I don’t really think our emo-kid cares much about sports or this weird popularity contest that determines hierarchy in schools? But again, I blame Glee for athlete Douxie. I really liked this part in Glee where Kurt joined football team, found out how to do things his own way and succeeded because of it (also jocks dancing to Single Ladies, come on). So Douxie embodies best of both worlds in this AU, he’s a humble misfit with artistic soul who also happens to kick like nobody’s business and so he receives lots of kinda unexpected attention from different people, also those he doesn’t particularly want to be associated with;

He tries to be nice to anyone though, while his heart truly belongs on stage and he mostly looks forward to extra-curricular theater rehearsals;

That’s where he met most of his true friends, including Zoe; first year of high school started and they were already breaking rules. They got detention assigned in auditorium, had to sort through a massive pile of props and then clicked with each other instantly, two peas inside a pod doing improv renditions of classic plays, mocking Shakespeare in tacky costumes. Of course the teacher busted them eventually for neglecting their detention duties, but they were more enraptured by their goofing around than mad and instead encouraged them to join drama club;

That’s how Zoe and Douxie became Team Rocket ended up finding their place among other theatre kids;

This Douxie loves freerunning and is surprisingly good at some sports, so by second year his coach made him try out for the team, which Douxie wasn’t thrilled about, but he likes experiencing all sorts of new things, so he hesitated only a little before agreeing to take up Owls’ kicker position;

Zoe had a blast when she heard about it, she was like Janis in Mean Girls, instantly asking for any gossip on Owls’ meatheads/cheerleaders;

She just likes knowing things and holding all the power of information. She keeps tabs on all kinds of people. Mostly for any future revolutions she plans on leading to dethrone bullies at the Academy;

Douxie doesn’t enjoy gossip, but he does share similar opinions with his bestie, so he happily indulges himself in spilling all the tea when they meet up almost every evening at their favorite dingy cheap diner for milkshakes. Then he describes every drama he’s seen or heard of while spending time with his team;

They’re not all that bad people, sometimes just misunderstood big softies or folks too pressured to be someone they don’t want to be, so Douxie tends to stick with those instead. He tries to support them and encourage some soul searching lmao, realize your true potential, Brian, forget about toxic masculinity and let me paint your nails dude;

At one point Zoe and Douxie start a garage band, to reach people’s hearts with their awesome rebellious music and Ash Dispersal Pattern is born;

If wizards&magic are not a thing here then maybe Merlin’s the headmaster at Arcadia Oaks Academy and not many people know that Douxie is actually adoptive son of the principal;

He rocks some serious dark eye circles, he’s having a very complicated relationship with his sleep schedule. Douxie took a part-time job on top of his football practices and drama club activities, while also trying to keep up his good grades. Maybe he overworks himself to make the most of his time. Or maybe he’s just trying to get HIS ADOPTIVE FATHER TO NOTICE HIS EFFORTS Merlin get a grip sheesh;

When overly stressed to the point of almost panicking, he rarely, but still smokes;

Archie’s not a cat, they’re a person now. Archie’s a snobbish librarian working at the Academy that’s more a parental figure to Douxie than Merlin, guiding him, giving advice on various things like asking out a cute cheerleader and offering a nice cup of hot tea every time Douxie comes. Besides drama club, library is the place where Douxie spends most of his time, preferably at later hours;

Douxie just loves the peacefulness, that smell of paper and how empty it gets after sun starts to set outside. Archie even saves Douxie his favorite spot in a far corner, right next to a small window, should he ever feel the need to sit down and wind off;

And Archie often finds this tired boy sunken deeply in a beanbag, right in that corner, so they don’t interrupt him and just cover him with a blanket, letting him nap for however long he wishes;

Nobody questions that Archie practically lives in the school, they’re so mysterious that you make up scary creepypastas about it but don’t dare to actually ask;

Krel hc:

It’s not like it was his dream to become a cheerleader, far from it actually, but his sister insisted that they should do something fun this junior year and sign up to something together. It sounded nice and thoughtful in theory, in reality no one was surprised when she chose cheerleading, considering one of her best friends, Mary, was cheer captain, while her other best friend, Darci, was a mascot;

So Krel got fed up with the idea as soon as it came up and Aja got frustrated too. Then she decided that she won’t pass this chance just because he’s prejudiced, and told him she’ll go for try-outs with or without him;

And obviously he took it personally, because he won’t be spending yet another year being called Kevin by her sister’s many, many friends. Popularity? Sign him in, he’ll get as popular as Aja just to prove a point and then he’s going to have a great summer;

So he goes to those try-outs for cheerleading team with her and knocks those girls’ socks off with his performance, clapping, stomping, throwing in some impressive flips and a split jump for garnish;

That panic at the janus order disco episode still haunts me to this day (because of that cursed flossin), still, Krel did a handstand AND a frontflip out of nowhere just to show off his sick dance moves so I’d argue he’d make a nice addition to cheerleading squad. There’s some serious flexibility hiding in that body I’m telling you;

He’s actually greatly appreciated among his teammates and most cheerleaders don’t really question his ideas: he helps immensely with choreographing. Where he may lack a little with acrobatics – pulling of complicated stunts is more Aja’s expertise – he makes up with his dancing. He comes up with transitions for their routines, so changing from one pose to another goes more smoothly, which gives their team’s performances a unique vibe;

They’re also trusting him with choosing their music. His feel of the rhythm is inexplicable and he can easily remix anything to fit more with team’s ideas. It helped with refreshing and elevating their whole repertoire;

Cheers that Mary writes for them are unmatched;

At first Mary’s like “ew” towards him, cause he’s that insignificant nerd with an attitude and even when she was spending time with Aja at their house she purposefully ignored his forgettable existence;

They bicker a lot during practices because they’re both very stubborn and have strong opinions about, well, everything, then they argue just for the sake of arguing;

Before any of them noticed a shift in their relationship Krel and Mary were already almost inseparable at school;

She started noticing Krel probably after he loudly told off some gossipers for spreading ugly rumors about Mary’s love life (and for using slurs while at it, gross). She’s THE Queen Bee of AOH, so she had to grow a thick skin, yeah? She doesn’t need anyone’s protection, she’s used to hate comments, she has to handle trolls every day. She has a reputation to uphold, she build that flirty, overconfident and very comfortable with her body persona to make a statement, no one will bring her down with some pitiful remarks about her dating history just to gain some attention;

In Krel’s book she shouldn’t have had to get used to any of this judgmental crap in the first place, whether those gossips really bother her or not. They’re still vile and hearing them makes his ears bleed, so he gladly calls out people for their filth, making a whole spectacle of it;

Mary’s honestly touched the first time it happens, it’s nice to have someone in your corner for a change even if you don’t really expect it, least of all from a guy that doesn’t seem to pay much attention to anything he can’t explain with equations and numbers;

There’s no greater pleasure than standing up to bullies and ignorant buffoons so they start doing it together with Darci now;

Mary still calls him Kevin tho even though she remembers her new bestie’s name perfectly fine;

Mary made Krel’s school career her personal project. There you go, Kevin, I’m going to make you a Shining Star of Arcadia Oaks High, thank me later when they’ll crown you their King;

Now she comes to their house to visit Krel as well, they play videogames a lot and, of course, banter in the meantime. She loves teasing Krel about Douxie, him crushing on anybody is a gem;

Their friendship is pure chaos and dragging Krel to participate in social events he absolutely doesn’t want to partake in;

(“Remember Kevin, our goal is to actually make you popular, so less whining and more smiling.”);

(“Oh god no stop smiling that is horrific.”);

He doesn’t actually care for popularity, making some unexpected friendships was more than enough already;

With those baggy clothes and headphones and having actual hoverboard in canon, you can’t convince me Krel wouldn’t be a sk8ter boi on top of being a cheerleader;

He swears. A lot. I signed the petition to let Krel freely use his favorite f-word;

You’d think that between Krel and Douxie it’s most likely for the latter to find or cause trouble, but no, it’s actually Krel. He’s just always so stubborn and arrogant enough that when you try to limit his creative processes with rules or just tell him he shouldn’t be doing something, he’ll most definitely find a way to do exactly that and then more. He’s just that set on proving you wrong. And he has an issue with authority, just let him experiment and work on his own terms or don’t even bother interrupting;

Zoe absolutely loves this about him and unapologetically takes advantage of it, easily convincing him to join in on her shenanigans. She’s like: “bet you can’t hack into my principal’s computer” and Krel just gives her his most unamused look, already reaching for his laptop and cracking his knuckles with “This is child’s play, give me a real challenge”. Then Douxie’s chuckling a little, saying: “You know this is actually breaking the law, right?” and to celebrate Krel’s famous ‘your mom’ joke he doesn’t even look up when he instantly replies with “Your face breaks the law” then there’s this short pause and he actually looks at Douxie, adding “I meant it as a compliment obviously, your face looks really nice, Doux.” and he goes back to typing furiously;

Last but not least, Krel and Aja are rich kids living in a mansion with their weird but loving uncle Varvatos who took custody of them after their parents died;

Their relationship hc:

It took months of stealing curious glances, bumping into one another and exchanging a total of maybe ten words at games and joint practices for the two of them to finally have a real conversation;

It happened after one of their games. Owls won, but Douxie didn’t feel like a winner at all – Merlin was supposed to be there and watch, he promised, but yet again he didn’t show up excusing himself with too much work. And Douxie was so done with excuses that this one time he couldn’t bring himself to shrug it off, so he didn’t bother with pretending that he was fine with it. It was nighttime already, they all changed back into their casual clothes and showered, his teammates went to celebrate their win, shouts slowly dissipated and the crowd dispersed – blinding lights went off, making the whole stadium look almost pitch black and abandoned. Douxie stayed behind and waited patiently, so when everything went quiet as if the winning match never happened, he sat down in now empty bleachers, pulled out his headphones, turned on some music and just, allowed himself to breathe;

That’s when Krel comes in. In all the commotion he left behind his hoodie, so he went to get it before going home. He saw some creep sitting high up in empty bleachers with his hands buried deep down into his varsity jacket, then recognized the creep to be this weird boy from rival team that doesn’t quite fit one’s idea of a football player;

Which was perfectly fine, he preferred weirdos anyway;

And normally he’d just ignore him and mind his own business, but with that resigned posture he just looked so heartbreakingly sad that Krel decided to risk it and make it his business after all;

So he slowly approached him and sat down next to him, minding Douxie’s personal space, but he didn’t say anything to him;

They sat like that in silence for a minute or three before Krel poked him lightly and asked what was he listening to;

Instead of answering, Douxie just pulled out one of his headphones and offered it to Krel, not really expecting him to take it;

But he did, allowing himself to scoot closer. And that’s it, they just shared Douxie’s headphones and listened to his music in silence, each one too deep into their own thoughts to bother with starting meaningless chit-chat. Douxie occasionally side-glanced at Krel who was bobbing his head and tapping his fingers against any hard surface perfectly to the rhythm while keeping his eyes closed;

After an hour or so Krel poked Douxie once again and asked if they could switch to his phone now, so Douxie shrugged and nodded, because why not, it was only fair after the boy listened with him to all of his music without complaining;

But after plugging out Douxie’s headphones, Krel just tossed them aside and put his playlist on speaker. He stood up and started actually dancing in front of him, maneuvering through empty benches and even daring to do some handstands. He didn’t stop until he finally made Douxie laugh;

He definitely did not notice Douxie’s tongue piercing then;

And now that he achieved loosening the boy up, they turned off the music completely and started talking instead. They were still strangers so it was supposed to be awkward, but after those two hours spent on simply existing near one another, sharing songs in peace and quiet – it didn’t feel awkward nor forced at all;

To Douxie’s surprise Krel stayed with him for the whole night. They spread out on benches in some odd positions that would later result in major back hurting and talked for hours about nothing in particular, easily falling into comfortable silence before jumping right to a new topic;

At one point they lied down together on that artificial turf and stargazed. Then stayed like that till sunrise. And finally Douxie told Krel all about his troubles, why he stayed after the game instead of celebrating with Owls, how he felt disappointed with Merlin but also kinda worthless himself because of it, like what he did wasn’t good enough for Merlin to pay attention, like he won’t ever be enough to make him genuinely proud;

Krel didn’t push for any answers, he just listened. When they gathered their stuff and finally decided to call it a day, Krel’s parting words for Douxie were “Next time I’ll cheer for you, how about it?”. And maybe it wasn’t much, but it meant the world to Douxie;

Then Krel told him to be proud despite whatever his adoptive father thinks, because he did great at that game. Though maybe he shouldn’t say that to his enemy, considering that his team lost because of Douxie being too good at his job. But eh, whatever, he’s earned that praise for being so impressive;

Douxie did not blush;

(“Go treat yourself to some chocolate chip cookies, loaded nachos and a well deserved nap. Emphasis on napping, Doux, you look like hell.”);

(“Why, thank you, darling.”);

They started talking much more after that night;

Krel wouldn’t know how to flirt to save his life. He’s so used to saying all the time that he doesn’t get everyone’s fixation on dating and romance – he’s not oblivious, he just doesn’t care. Douxie knows it, yet sometimes Krel just says the loveliest things to him with such blatant honesty it puzzles Douxie even more than any flirting he has ever experienced. Because he doesn’t expect Krel to compliment his looks or make any affectionate gestures towards him, every time it happens Douxie’s brain just fries, because Krel is not trying to hit on him, he’s just saying exactly what he thinks of him and how being near him makes him feel;

And Krel likes him. So much, it’s stupid;

Krel’s a capital A-hole (or simply leaves impression of being one) to almost anyone who’s not his recently discovered crush, so their more or less mutual acquaintances sometimes ask Douxie how a guy like him, charismatic and selfless, can stand such an evil gremlin like Krel. And Douxie’s genuinely confused, saying: “What are you talking about, he dropped by my school this morning just to give me coffee, he’s the sweetest angel.”;

Just imagine Krel getting up to a text from Douxie that he didn’t get much sleep last night and he is now tired out of his mind. So right before his classes start, Krel runs up to meet with him by the Academy’s entrance and then gives Douxie his usual coffee & blueberry-muffin order, saying something like “Here, some carbs and your gross satan’s puke, how can you even drink this”. He hates coffee, just the smell of it makes him almost hurl, he’s grumpy about it, but he knows Douxie enjoys it and he’ll need all the energy to survive till practice, so without second thought he just makes a stop by Douxie’s favorite coffee shop. He barely has time for any conversation, so right after giving him everything he quickly makes his way back, jumps on his skateboard and almost vaults himself over the railing in a hurry, because Arcadia High is not as close to the Academy as one might hope, especially when you also have morning classes. Meanwhile Douxie just stands there alone with a dumb love-struck look on his face till the bell rings, hopelessly smitten with Krel. Yep, the sweetest angel;

Mary, Krel, Aja and couple of other cheerleaders (along with Darci obvs) sometimes stay behind after their training to watch Moles and Owls joint practice. They occupy one corner of the whole field to sit down, play some music, talk, gossip, and wolf whistle at sweaty bois. At one point Mary and Krel start showing off to their teammates, doing jumps, cartwheels and flips for funsies, trying to one-up the other, and Douxie suddenly gets very distracted by those violet booty shorts;

It takes his coach screaming right into his ear and commenting on getting his head in the game to finally have Douxie stop staring and get back to practice. The cheer squad all giggles knowingly while some of Douxie’s teammates just look at him sympathetically, the poor boy’s so obvious;

At their games when Moles’ cheerleading routine ends, Krel straight up waves at Douxie while still standing in formation and trying to catch his breath. And Douxie absentmindedly waves back, wearing the dopiest grin on his face, red from his neck to the top of his ears. It’s ridiculous, he pays no mind to Owls’ cheerleaders, but instead feels motivated to crush this game with Krel’s one smile;

So he kicks that ball like it personally offended him, scoring points for accuracy and style, cause you know, you gotta impress that crush who has to watch the game anyway whether he enjoys sports or not really;

And Krel is very impressed, just let him run his fingers along Douxie’s chiseled chest and ohmigod that back carved in marble—uh. Suddenly developing appreciation for fine arts, yes;

As established, of course they both think the other one’s attractive, but Krel wouldn’t catch feelings based on looks alone, c’mon. He favors Douxie above other humans, because his determination matches his own – he never met someone as driven as him, not afraid of taking risks to achieve their goals. Douxie’s loyal to a fault and he’s so patient with him, so sweet and attentive, while everyone else, even his sister, tends to treat him like temper-tantrum throwing kid that has to be restrained. Douxie doesn’t, he’s always willing to listen, doesn’t jump to conclusions, doesn’t easily take offense and he actually admires Krel for his unabashed confidence, even more so when he learns that it may be a facade to hide his own insecurities and doubts that frustrate him, cause he feels he has to prove himself, otherwise he won’t be acknowledged and won’t ever leave other people’s shadow. Krel’s exceptionally smart and his snarky humor is so on point, his retorts are more funny and clever than vicious. If he cares for something or someone, he does it like he does everything else – with clear intent, with all his heart. What’s not to love about the boy?;

So yeah, they both feel like they have to show their superiors what they’re truly capable off, always underestimated, so they bonded over finding comfort in music and being convinced that they won’t ever live up to people’s expectations. Upon realizing that, they both thought at that moment “what the hell, this needs to change, I’ll show him he’s actually too good for any of this, he deserves the world”. Inside, Krel’s all like ‘who hurt you gorgeous, I’ll evaporate them out of existence three generations backwards’ then he and Zoe spam Merlin’s work e-mail with scam offers from hundreds anonymous accounts;

Krel doesn’t really get the appeal of pet names because most of them just sound too cringy, but he pays no mind to Douxie calling him “darling”, even before they started seriously dancing around each other;

Though on occasion he’ll mockingly ‘darling’ him back, just to see that tall guy fluster;

One time it just thoughtlessly slips from Krel’s lips and he calls Douxie “starlight” and Douxie starts glowing with all the excitement, so the pet name stays;

AND FINALLY some random dialogues because why not:

-one, fanart related-

Krel: What?

Douxie: Nothing, darling.

Krel: *gum popping*

Douxie: Just admiring your bow.

Krel: Is that so? Then you may wear it for your next game.

Douxie: I... That’s not...

Krel: It’s only fair, I get the jacket, you get the bow.

Douxie: You’re teasing me, aren’t you?

Krel: Of course I am, darling.

Krel: But for the record, I think you’d look ridiculously attractive with it.

And Douxie just, gives up. He flares up and hides his face, he can’t handle Krel when he’s being like this.

-two, probably after Krel called someone out for their bs-

Douxie: You can be pretty scary when you want to be.

Krel: Which is all the time basically, yeah.

Douxie: It’s kinda hot.

Krel: You’re the only person who’d think that.

Douxie: Fortunately so. I wouldn’t be able to fight off all of your suitors otherwise.

Douxie: Not that I wouldn’t try to anyway.

Krel: Doux, if I wanted a meathead that picks up fights I’d date Steve.

Douxie: Then you’d have to fight your sister.

Krel: And Pepperjack.

Douxie: And Pepperjack.

-three, before game-

Krel: Hunt them down, starlight.

Douxie: You know Owls are competing against your school tonight, yeah?

Krel: Sure, and? Your win is my win, basically.

Douxie: My role on the field is not that important really, darling.

Krel: It’s important to me though, so just literally and figuratively kick their sorry asses.

Steve: STOP ENCOURAGING OUR ENEMIES, KREL, I SWEAR YOU’RE THE WORST CHEERLEADER--

Krel: Well that depends on one’s perspective.

AND WE’RE DONE. ✺◟( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)◞✺

I don’t truly dislike Merlin and I don’t think he’s that bad of a person, I just really enjoy jumping on his hate-train. High five to Zoe.

And Steve’s definitely Moles’ quarterback or something, being team cap and dating Aja-the-star-cheerleader, so together they make that picture perfect couple. Aja doesn’t mind Steve’s passionate bromance with Eli. 🏈❤️

if anyone wants to make any fanwork inspired by this i’ll marry them or at least promise them my firstborn child

no but seriously, feel free to interact with me, I’d love to know your headcanons for them as well!

Uh... are people going to unfollow me now that they know I’m uncool??? Please come back I’m sorry I can change

#krexie #krouxie #krel tarron #hisirdoux casperan #douxie #tales of arcadia #toa #school rivalry au #lasagna writes #others are here too i guess

65 notes · View notes

mismaeve · 2 years

Text

Tolkien Writing Challenge: February

I think we all enjoyed last month's challenge and prompt, so it is only fitting that we carry on and see what February has in store for us. This month's challenge will be slightly different but the main idea is the same as last month. Let's dive in below the cut!

I'm not much of a romantic in real life, so I'll take the liberty of being one here. This month, I wish to celebrate love, and not just romantic kind of love, but all kinds of love. In stead of giving love only the one day, Valentine's Day, let us give an entire month. Therefore, without further ado, let me present to you this month's prompts aka excerpts from my favourite guilty pleasure movies. I also realise that not everyone wants to write about love, so there will be more general prompts in the list as well. Rules will follow after the prompts

"You will never age for me, nor fade, nor die", (Shakespeare in Love, 1998)

"The past can hurt," (The Lion King, 1994)

"As you wish", (The Princess Bride, 1987)

"But our love, it's like the wind", (A Walk to Remember, 2002)

"If you can promise me anything, promise me that...", (P.S. I love you, 2007)

"Nothing was colder or more dead than his heart," (The Phantom of the Opera, 2004)

"Claim the light, claim the dark," (Beautiful Creatures, 2013)

"I want all of you, forever, every day", (The Notebook, 2004)

"We accept the love we think we deserve", (The Perks of Being a Wallflower, 2012)

Here are some rules:

↳ due date is Feb 28th ↳ the theme this month is love ( romantic love, platonic love, familial love, selflove etc). If you really don't want to/can't/aren't comfortable with the theme, you can choose your own theme as well ↳ when posting, make sure to tag/mention me (I won't be making a special tag this time) ↳ tag your content appropriately (angst, fluff, smut, etc) ↳ you need to pick only one prompt (of course, if you want to incorporate more than one, more power to you and have fun!) ↳ as always, prompts cannot be altered ↳ write for any Tolkienverse character, ship, OC you want. It can be stories, one shots, imagines, drabbles, poems, modern AUs, headcanons, anything really ↳ there is no word limit this time either, but please utilise the cutting tool for stories longer than 500 words ↳ all contributions will be made into a single masterlist at the end of the challenge ↳ if you have any questions/suggestions at all, feel free to hola at me. I don't bite ↳ and remember to have FUN, always write for yourself, what makes you happy, what you like. It's literally the main goal of this challenge, to have fun and get inspired ↳ if anyone is interested in being tagged in any future challenges, let me know

No pressure tags: @i-did-not-mean-to @tharan-duil @wormsmith @lathalea @sehnsuchts-trunken @heilith @rainbowvamp @blueberryrock @palmviolet

#tolkien #tolkien writing challenge #writing challenge #the hobbit #the lord of the rings #tolkienverse #prompts #the silmarillion

29 notes · View notes

comfortwriting · 3 years

Text

Ashtray Part 4 - D.M

Masterlist, Requesting Rules, Writing Prompts

This is Part 4 of my Draco Malfoy Mini Series, please read parts 1, 2, and 3.

Warnings: swearing, smoking, mention of food and eating.

“Is love a tender thing? It is too rough, too rude, too boisterous, and it pricks like thorn.” Snape’s voice echoed in the back of your mind whilst you flicked through your Romeo and Juliet GCSE muggle study materials, forgetting about charms, divination, and hexes, and learning about Shakespeare, Charles Dickens, and John Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men instead.

The spring breeze brushed against your tender neck and cheek, causing your hair to blow out of place, the pages in your books flicking over, your bookmark sliding out of the crook and onto the grass.

Sighing, with a cigarette clamped between your lips in the corner of your mouth, you quickly grabbed on to your book, trying to find the page you were on, battling against the strong and unsteady breeze which started to resemble a billion hands, trying to push you away all at once.

Reaching the page you were on, you picked up your bookmark and shoved it back into the crook, sucking on your cigarette and inhaling, you stuffed the books into your bag and rested your head against the giant birch tree you pressed your back up against, looking up at the long, thick branches that welcomed new leaves and blossoming flowers.

“Are you bloody mental?” A familiar voice called out, footsteps stomping towards you.

Choking on your breath, you spluttered, the cigarette shooting out of your mouth and onto the grass, the wind blowing it away before you could pick it up or put it out.

The group of footsteps got closer and then stopped, you stared at the familiar mucky and well-worn shoes that stood out next to the shiny pointed flats in perfect condition, looking up, you were faced with Ron and Hermione.

Feeling your heart drop in your stomach and bracing yourself for another lecture, you continued to stare at them, darting from one pair of eyes to another.

“What do you want?” you sighed, too tired to argue, too drained to explain yourself all over again.

Ron squinted at you “leaving Hogwarts just as you’re about to start your O.W.Ls, Y/N, have you gone mad?”

Your heart started to pound, your stomach suffering fatal blows with each heavy beat.

“It’s nothing to do with you” you replied “I told you that last week!”

Hermione held Ron back from losing his temper, flashing him a look and pulling him behind her. She looked down at your book filled bag and pouted for a moment, pondering her thoughts.

“But why?”

But why? are you kidding me!

Rolling your eyes, you scoffed and laughed lightly, grabbing your bag and slinging it over your shoulder as you got to your feet.

“You’re a smart girl, Hermione.” you glared “don’t ask stupid questions.”

Turning away from her and walking away in the other direction, Ron pushed past his girlfriend and grabbed hold of your wrist, pulling you back, his other hand gripping the wand in his pocket tightly.

“Ron!” Hermione hissed.

“No!” You raised your voice “It’s alright, I’ll give you what you bloody want.” You snatched your wrist away from Ron and pushed him away from you, almost causing him to fall onto the grass.

Hermione tried to speak, so did Ron but the fire burning in your stomach became uncontrollable and the embers that flew off spread around your body like wildfire.

Draco, Pansy, Blaise, and his other cronies strolled down the path towards the lake, your raised voice catching their attention and pulling them into the spider web you were accidentally forming around you.

“I fell in love with Draco and he happened to already like me back!” you yelled “I got to know him better than anyone, better than Pansy, better than Blaise, better than Snape!”

Hermione still tried to speak, but only managed to stutter.

“That lad has been treated like shit by his father, he has been forced to do terrible things he didn’t want to do, he was never given a choice and still can’t decide what he wants to do with his own life for himself!”

The fire in your stomach shot up and travelled past your ribs, Draco’s mouth hung wide open, his heart pumping like it never had before in his life, Pansy stared at him out of the corner of her eye.

“He isn’t a death eater by choice! I am not a death eater for helping him gain the courage he so desperately needs to break away from the poison in his life!” you walked towards Hermione and Ron, your index finger pointing at them. “I didn’t decide to fall in love with him, it just happened, I could smell his green apples in my bloody love potion, he could smell my fucking cigarettes!”

You inched closer and closer, now trembling with fury.

“Is this true, Draco?” Pansy snapped, staring at him in horror.

“Well don’t just stare at it, what can you smell?” Snape droned on at you, gliding down the empty classroom.

You closed your eyes and swallowed hard, allowing the scent of green apples and expensive shoe polish to engulf your senses, drowning you.

The scent pulled you away from reality and forced you to relive the picnic with Draco, the perfectly sliced green apples sitting on a plate before you were pulled from that moment and thrust into his arms as the two of you danced slowly and silently in the dark and empty courtyard, his expensive shoes shining in the moonlight, the smell of his shoe polish breaking out into the cold air.

You cleared your throat “I can smell Draco, Professor.” taking a deep breath you opened your eyes and stared into Snape’s pits of darkness “I can smell the green apples he eats, and the expensive shoe polish his dad buys for him.”

The corner of Snape’s mouth curled into a rare smile - a sign of approval rather - Snape’s hand rested on your desk, his eyes focusing hard on your cauldron.

“I want you to hold up your bag” he ordered, watching as you did so “and I want you to take out your Marlboro Cigarettes.”

You felt the air get snatched out of your lungs as you were pulling out the exact cigarette brand.

“How did you-”

“When I asked Malfoy what he could smell” Snape paused for a moment, the corner of his mouth curling upwards even more “he pulled a disapproving face and said the same cigarettes in your hands; Draco could smell you.”

“I had no idea that Harry had feelings for me, he never hinted at such a thing, he never told me, and when you thought I was becoming Mrs Malfoy with a burning desire to pledge allegiance to Voldemort-” you bit down hard on your tongue, having never said his name out loud “before I had a chance to explain everything, you publicly shunned me! the whole of Hogwarts shunned me!”

Hermione and Ron’s faces dropped, other students passing by stopped and stared at you, listening in to every word that flew out of your mouth, Harry could hear everything as he ran towards you, his scar prickling, nausea polluting his system, the vision as clear as day in his mind.

“I can’t eat in the great hall - I have to sit with the bloody house-elves in the kitchens! I can’t go into my own common room, or sleep in my own fucking bed!” Your yelling turned into loud screeches, your throat incredibly raw and sore as if you had swallowed the worlds tiniest razor blades.

Harry reached closer and closer towards you all, panting, desperate to catch his breath and spill everything he had just witnesses, the hairs standing up on his back, fear consuming him and guilt suffocating him.

“Everyone hates me! I hesitated for one moment when Draco asked if I were to choose him over you, my best friends, and when I said it wouldn’t come to that, he shunned me too!”

Tears filled Hermione’s eyes, making her vision go glassy, mirroring you, she had never felt so guilty and wrong in her whole life. Harry fell to his knees, gasping for air and pulling on Ron’s sleeve, trying to speak, gasping as he babbled.

“He’s coming-”

“Harry, take deep breaths mate, I can’t understand what you’re saying”

Breaking out of your rant, you noticed everyone circled around you and watching everything unfold in the distance, Draco stood and stared at you, his heart clawing through his bones and flesh to pull you into his arms where you belonged, but his head cursing you and seeing nothing but red for exposing his vulnerabilities to his peers.

“So now you all know why I’m leaving!” you yelled, addressing everyone, getting on your tiptoes, your arms stretched out as you spun around in a circle “and the best news is that I’m leaving earlier than expected!”

“He’s going to attack-” Harry gasped whilst Ron rubbed his back, concern splashed upon his face, trying to put the pieces together.

“Y/N, we’re sorry!” Hermione cried out, her voice shaking.

“No!” you yelled “you’re not! none of you are!” turning your back to everyone you took off in the other direction, your throat burning like your stomach, your eyes stinging from the tears “and after tomorrow it won’t matter!” you yelled again “I’ll be gone when the morning comes!”

Storming off, your bag bounced and bashed against your back, the heaviness of the books pushing you along with each slam, you could feel Draco’s icy grey eyes carve holes into your spine, your heart yearning out and crying for him.

but it didn’t matter anymore, you were moving on with your life and so would he.

“He’s going to attack her-” Harry gasped, finally catching his breath.

“Who-”

“Voldemort-”

“Who is he going to attack? Hermione-”

“No!” Harry shook his head, burying his hands into the grass, pulling on it, everyone now staring at him “Voldemort is going to attack Y/N!”

Draco’s world stopped, his grey eyes focused on Harry - as Harry’s green eyes that belonged to his mother looked back at the lad he hated with every ounce of his being.

“We need to help her” Harry stressed “both of us.”

Tag list: @amourtentiaa @reeophidian @alwaysnforeverfangirl @inglourious-imagines @sycathorn-slush @blackqueens01 @astramalfoy @yesimsleepdeprived @fredshufflepuff @a-dusty-emerald @samineisntmyname @hogwartsbroom

94 notes · View notes

skateboarding-poet · 3 years

Text

Redheaded trio headcanons (Sakuya, Taichi and Homare)

Bcs I think they deserve a link skill and they're my fave trio besides the Ouka High boys

Lowkey inspired by my username

None of them can remember how and why, but Homare started tagging along Taichi and Sakuya whenever Taichi decides to teach Sakuya a new skateboarding trick

Taichi has an old skateboard he sometimes brings with him whenever he goes out with Sakuya, but he gave it to Homare mainly so he can focus on damage control

Sakuya is okay-ish at skateboarding, he can keep his balance well enough and generally is aware of his limits

But Homare

Homare wants to be able to do those cool tricks Taichi always does so badly that he almost wanted to skip over the basics

(Can you even imagine Homare skateboarding? The only thing that comes to my mind is Taichi's initial SSR with with Homare's face slapped over Taichi's lmao)

(Note to self, don't forget to make it a thing and post it later)

(Edit: I did it)

In time, Homare manages to learn how to stay still on the board without falling, and the other two feel so proud

Sakuya because Homare is one step closer to becoming a skater!!!! You go Homare-san!!!!!

Taichi because wow he is such a good teacher, he's so proud of himself, but also Tsumugi-san could never

Speaking of teaching, Sakuya always praises Taichi and thanks him for teaching him how to skate, and Taichi is so happy to hear that!!!!

Homare equates the balance required to stand on the board to the balance created by nature for the universe and proceeds to write a few poems about skateboarding

He also helps the two boys come up with names for any new tricks Taichi comes up with

Homare starts looking forward to these outings, so he decides to make them longer by inviting the boys to drink some tea at a (very expensive) coffee shop around Veludo way after every skateboarding session

Of course everything is paid by him, so Sakuya and Taichi can't help but feel a bit guilty

But then Homare says "It's alright, you're already paying me back by helping me experience something I never thought I would, especially in my youth"

Taichi seems content with Homare's answer, but Sakuya still feels a bit guilty

So he decides to invite both of them at the river bank, where they hold small rehearsals/Shakespeare readings

They also do a couple of street acts that always end up catching the eyes of whoever passes them

Sakuya also tried making Homare a poem as thanks for always paying whenever they hang out together, and Homare has it framed and on his desk to this day

Because of Sakuya, Taichi has been spotted borrowing plays written by Shakespeare form the school/uni library and reading some of them in between performances

Taichi deemed all of them as the Redhead club, a title he is very proud of

Homare wears the title of "member of the Redhead club" like a badge of honor, and Sakuya is grateful because such an unusual thing helped them discover such an interesting dynamic and he enjoys spending time with them

#a3!#a3! act! addict! actors!#taichi nanao #sakuya sakuma #homare arisugawa

87 notes · View notes

incorrect-ikevamp-quotes · 4 years

Text

Among Us: Mansion Edition

Aight because I’m feeling stupid--I’m talking absolutely Willy Wonka--in this Chili’s tonight, I think it’s time I inundated you all in random crack ass Among Us Headcanons for the mansion. In no particular order:

-Y’all see this post? This right here is Leo and MC. Don’t even @ me. He’s such a bastard and she glares at him the whole time while he just fucking dies laughing in their room. When Theo finds out? He howls with laughter too, later high fives Leo

-Dazai, Sebas, and Comte are the MOST sus players on earth. Like these mofos will handle accusations so calmly and dismantle them so quickly nobody fucking knows what they're actually doing??? The others always skip until there’s hard evidence, but because of that they will often survive by the time the tasks are done

-Every single time Arthur has even the slightest bit of suspicion directed at him for being the imposter, everyone just immediately votes him off. Half the time he isn’t the imposter, and every single time people can hear Theo cackling from wherever he is

-One of the easiest ways to narrow down Theo as the imposter is to see how long Vincent survives HAHAHA (Vincent takes 13 yrs to do tasks)

-Since Vincent struggles with tasks a lot, Theo will often do buddy system (MC will often tag along too--but Theo will just straight up kill her when he’s imposter and tell Vincent she’s busy with another task LMFAO Vincent always scolds him after)

-Isaac hates being imposter. With every. Fiber. Of. His being. HE HATES IT!!! He vents, they see him immediately, they boot him. FML. Also gives himself away because he will usually kill Dazai and Arthur first, and stutters like a maniac trying to defend himself--has no good alibi in a pinch LMAO

-Isaac groans every single time he gets a task in the electrical room. His palms start sweating because he just knows someone is going to sneak in and snap his neck while frantically trying to connect wires. Arthur most often kills him that way just because he finds it hilarious to hear Isaac curse

-Leo, Arthur, and Shakespeare are the ones most known to sabotage while they’re imposters. Leo just loves being a headache of a person, Arthur finds it most efficient to murder in the course of the chaos (after there’s a kind of false sense of security, he picks them off), while Shakes just love watching everyone scatter desperately like mice.

-Shakespeare is 100% that imposter that like stays beside Vincent the whole time while he’s doing tasks, playing buddy system, and then the second the game is about to end just straight up murders him in cold blood out of nowhere

-Comte will almost always enact petty revenge if someone kills MC early in the game--or at all. Catch this mofo finishing his tasks lightening speed and sitting at the security monitors, slamming the emergency button the second he’s deduced who the culprit is. He’s usually the fastest to figure it out; how quickly he responds is another matter lol

-Jeanne gets caught in milliseconds because he won’t even care about the mechanics of the game, and finds sneaking boring/stupid/too much effort (also just bad with technology, it takes him forever to learn the controls). Will at least attempt to kill in isolation, but otherwise doesn’t much care about being stealthy--and so is often caught fast (always kills Comte first much to the man’s dismay)

-Mozart is...surprisingly good at the game? Not quite as skilled as the trio mentioned earlier, but he’s very good at coming up with air-tight alibis and employs a slow, methodical approach. Will have 5 or 6 of them dead before anyone suspects it’s him, kills randomized targets, and will frequent the security room while people are trying to figure out who it is. Will do buddy system with Jeanne, and will usually find the imposter to avenge his good friendo--otherwise just does tasks and chills if he ain’t imposter

-Leo just plays to have fun! He’s good at it but doesn’t really go hard enough to evade suspicion for very long if he’s imposter, mostly kills people he thinks will be most frustrated with being killed/least suspecting. People are usually yelling at him to complete his tasks bc he often zones out when he becomes a ghost LMFAO

-Leo and Comte sometimes do the buddy system, but honestly? They just devolve into murdering each other so fucking fast it’s pointless AHHAHAHAHHAHAH they’re just constantly squinting at each other; they don’t trust the other as far he can throw him (Idk if y’all have seen any of Vanoss’ streams on yt but I just keep seeing that clip of him in MedBay getting scanned and going “nogla you gonna kill me? just fucking kill me you fucking french bastard” when nogla lingers a little next to him and I start wheezing because all I see is literally Leo and Comte)

-Napoleon rarely gets imposter, so he’s usually spearheading the crewmate effort. Gets his tasks done very quickly (if he doesn’t get murdered; though he often has Isaac for buddy system) and camps outside the security room after making a few rounds. Usually figures out who it is fairly quickly--though his accuracy is spotty

-If Napoleon is imposter he tends to have a hard time killing people, so he’ll literally just pretend to do tasks and vibe until the time runs out. It’s the inactivity and aimlessness that tends to give him away

-MC tries to be stealthy, but she usually times her kills poorly or gets walked in on. Sometimes she manages to conceal the body or her boo looks the other way to let her indulge in the fun, but otherwise she gets found as imposter fast

-There are a few legendary rounds where MC manages to fool most of the house into thinking she’s a crewmate because they’re so busy pointing fingers at each other she just skates by easy, but she always feels horrible after for betraying their trust (the men all silently agree it was uproarious)

-Vincent as imposter is fucking hilarious because he’ll just turn himself in???? Like he won’t even try. Everyone will tell him it’s okay if he gets a little stabby--it’s part of the game--but he just has no heart for it. Theo will often switch devices with him to relieve him of the stress. These rounds are always so chaotic because it usually takes the residents a second to deduce the switcheroo

-You know how I said Shakespeare plays buddy and then kills Vincent in cold blood? The hilarious inversion of this is that Dazai will often try to follow Isaac to protect him but Isaac will run away, so they will often be chasing each other all over the map LMFAOOOO Dazai will do this regardless of whether he is imposter or not, so there’s really no way to tell if he’s just messing with Isaac or has a lurking killer intent

-If Theo is imposter? Pandemonium. He will kill people off one by one in isolation and vent so fast nobody can figure out who did what, always paying close attention to the tasks that need doing so he has a solid alibi. Because Vincent tends to believe him and verifies easily, it can take a little longer for people to figure out it’s Theodorus. Arthur and Dazai tend to be the ones that are the first to suspect it’s him

-Sebastian will often be doing his tasks, just chillin. One can usually see him buddy system with Napo and/or MC. He loves to watch the other men be imposter and notes down their go-to tactics and reactions to killing and being killed in the game; especially if it’s uncharacteristic of them. All well and good right?

-Sebastian as imposter? The funniest shit in the world. He’s similar to Isaac in that he hates it, mutters apologies and grimaces every time he has to kill people (note: he does not include Arthur and Dazai among people, sometimes smiles a little if he takes them out;;;;). Will lie convincingly only because his voice/writing does not waver--his stoicism serves him well. When he has to kill Napoleon, though? Forget it. He apologizes a million times after, but honestly Napo just finds it hilarious--will just be like “well-played, Sebas, as expected of our resourceful butler.” Sebas still. Feels guilty. Like you can literally look at the chat history and see Napo as ghost like “AAHAHAHHA oh he killed my ass, nice” while MC’s like “lolol” and Jeanne like “he got me good too, never saw him coming in nav”

-Person who gets killed the least? Vincent (I mean come on, it’s Vincent.) MC is runner-up. They don’t like killing her, but there are a lot of idiots in the mansion that do it just to get a rise out of her (cough Leonardo/Dazai) or just because she’s an easy target in the moment

-Person who gets killed the most? Usually Arthur, runner-up Isaac (Arthur because everyone seeks to get back at him for his shenanigans irl, Isaac because he tends to get indecisive/nervous)

-Also this happens to Dazai once as imposter (Isaac plans it out of sheer spite) and the entire mansion was wheezing about it for weeks

In-game Colors:

Comte: yellow/white/black (when he’s feeling emo) + little baby accompaniment or party hat Napoleon: black or green, cyan when he’s feeling chaotic + sergeant/army hat Leonardo: brown + toilet paper roll Vincent: yellow + green sprout Theo: dark blue or red (feral energy) + cowboy hat or gladiator helmet Isaac: pink + cherry Arthur: dark blue or lime + backwards cap Dazai: purple or yellow + toilet plunger or bird’s nest Jeanne: always purple + “DUM” sticky note Mozart: cyan + surgical mask Shakes: red or orange + flamingo hat Sebas: always black + either the ninja mask or the chef hat

372 notes · View notes

spencers-renaissance · 3 years

Text

Rain is a Chance to be Touched Ch.2

hell is empty, and all the devils are here

Chapter One

This is the second chapter in my new ongoing hotchreid fic! Please click here for the fic summary, full tags, trigger warnings, more information etc.

Last Chapter: Spencer's disordered and depressed thoughts were introduced, he was shot, Foyet stabbed Hotch, and Spencer ended up alone in his apartment :(

In This Chapter: we get to see Hotch's view of the events of early season five.

TW: aftermath of violence, recovery, spousal death, grief/mourning

Word Count: 3.4k

RCT Masterlist // Main Masterlist // Read on AO3

AARON

All but mariners plunged in the foaming brine and quit the vessel, then all afire with me: [he] cried, 'Hell is empty and all the devils are here.' — William Shakespeare, The Tempest

The team is working on the case.

Aaron tries desperately to remember this when the fear starts to rise in his chest again, squashing his lungs and pressing violently against his already groaning heart. The team is working on the case, they always solve the case, and he trusts them with his life because, at the end of the day, that’s what’s at stake here, isn’t it? Haley and Jack are all he has in this world; he absolutely cannot lose them.

The team is working on the case.

Frustration builds as he lays in a hospital bed, completely incapacitated during the most important case of his life, and it’s only made worse by the knowledge that Spencer is hurt, too. He was absolutely furious when he eventually found out after asking his whereabouts on his third day of hospitalisation, having realised he hadn’t seen him once at the hospital.

Rossi had deliberately omitted Spencer being shot from his account of the case. Why, he had no idea. Did he not think it important that one of their own was seriously injured? Aaron hopes not. Did he think he was unable to handle the information at that point? Certainly more probable, but still infuriating.

It was all exacerbated by the guilty expression on JJ’s face when he asked who’d been visiting him. She’d told him that there hadn’t been time, that they were working on the case 24/7, that Penelope had heard from him and he was fine, but it wasn't enough to satiate his rising anger. Aaron doesn’t quite understand the blistering fury he still feels when he thinks about Spencer injured and alone, abandoned by his team, but he expects it’s because he still feels protective over the youngest member of the team.

That’s almost definitely it.

He takes a month off from work, but he has no idea what to do with himself, especially once he's discharged from hospital and returns to a lonely apartment in which he was brutally attacked by the FBI’s Most Wanted Serial Killer. He’s miserable without seeing Jack regularly and fearful of the length of time he’ll have to wait until he can see him and Haley again as he tries desperately not to think of the possibility that he may never see them again.

A lot of time is spent touring his DVD and box set collections and passing the time by cooking and exercising as much as his healing body will allow him. Every functional moment, every spare shred of brain power he has to spend, though, is directed at the Foyet case.

Finding Nemo is playing on the TV when there’s a knock at the door a week into his stay at home — admittedly, his collection is not all that large and he’d exhausted the more age-appropriate films far too quickly — so he turns it off and peels his exhausted bones off the couch. Most of the team have dropped by at various points, bringing food and gifts and comfort in the worst time of his life, so he’s expecting Emily or Rossi or JJ, but instead, it’s Spencer standing on his doorstep.

He doesn’t have the time to school his expression so his surprise is written all over his face, and Spencer must see it because he immediately cringes and deflates, as though suddenly doubting whether showing up out of the blue was a good idea after all.

“Hi.” Aaron smiles welcomingly to try and counter the negative thoughts that are almost certainly worming their way into Spencer’s mind. “Come in.” He steps aside and allows him to hobble awkwardly into the living room, his crutches dragging slightly along the carpet, the telltale sign of someone not quite accustomed to them yet.

“I hope it’s alright I came,” Spencer says shyly, almost apologetic. “I should have texted but I dropped my phone under the sofa and I can’t get down on the floor to retrieve it.” He blushes at his admission but gratefully accepts Aaron’s invitation to sit down.

Aaron smiles as warmly as he can manage, joining him on the couch. “You're fine, don't worry; it’s not like I’m up to much. I’m just happy to have some company.” He almost confesses that he was watching a children’s film before Spencer showed up, but decides that’s perhaps revealing just a little too much. “How have you been doing? I did message you, but I suppose your phone gathering dust under a couch explains the lack of a response.”

“You did?” Spencer’s eyes meet his and he looks utterly bewildered for some reason, seemingly surprised that Aaron would do such a thing. “Sorry, I— yes, that would be why, uh.” He looks down, clearly trying to gather himself as he plays with his fingers. “I’m fine, though. Obviously, the leg is a little sore, but. I’ll be back to work on Monday.”

“Good,” he replies, though he knows a gunshot wound will still be more than a little sore only two weeks after the initial injury. “How long do you have that?” He gestures vaguely to the brace around Spencer’s left leg.

“Not really sure,” Spencer says, looking sort of bemused by the contraption. “It’s pretty inconvenient, so I hope it isn’t too long.”

Aaron can’t help but smile at the small grin on Spencer’s face as he looks down at the brace. It looks… genuine. He doesn’t have the wherewithal to contemplate why that’s so endearingly surprising. “Are you looking forward to going back?” he asks, settling back into the couch cushions as he feels his muscles protest against his strained position.

Spencer seems to struggle for a response, unsure how to answer him. If he wasn’t so damn exhausted he might try and figure this slightly odd behaviour out, but the inherently complicated puzzle that is Spencer Reid feels like one too many right now. “I’m looking forward to not being quite so bored,” he eventually replies with a short, self-deprecating laugh. Aaron almost flinches at the sound, so foreign for Spencer’s gentle soul.

He’s fiddling with his crutches and the profiler in Aaron is screaming at him to decode what’s going on, but he forces himself to push it to the side. Spencer is a capable man. He’ll be fine. Aaron, on the other hand, needs to try and save his energy for his family.

“I can understand that,” Aaron says diplomatically, careful to not reply too emphatically one way or another. “The boredom’s crippling sometimes. Thankfully, the team coming round has been saving me from having to watch too many movies.”

Spencer seems to sort of shutter down as the words leave his mouth for reasons he doesn’t know or comprehend, but he does know that the resulting silence is awkward and he feels like he’s stuck his foot in his mouth by saying something totally innocuous. Has he had a falling out with someone or something? Is it something to do with not having many visitors in the hospital? He wouldn't blame him at all if that's still a sore spot.

“I’m going to have a coffee, I think,” he says, getting up carefully from the sofa and heading towards the kitchen despite the pain in his torso begging him to sit down. “Do you need anything?”

Spencer’s head snaps up, suddenly back and engaged. “Uh, no, I’m alright,” he says, and he sounds almost… choked up? “I should probably get going, anyway.”

“Oh, uh, okay,” Aaron says, a little surprised. His mind is too foggy with pain and grief to process the microexpressions and endlessly odd behaviours Spencer is exhibiting. He knows how much Spencer appreciates his company usually, so his leaving so soon is just wrong.

He doesn’t want him to go, he loves spending time with the younger man, and even if he is acting a little strangely, he’d much rather Spencer be with him than away from him, especially when the world seems so much more personally dangerous than it was before. At least if Spencer is close to him then he knows he’s safe, and that’s all he deserves, really. To be safe.

“Say hello to the team from me,” he says, fumbling with the door handle and awkwardly making his way out. He briefly turns back, “bye, Hotch,” before he’s closing the door behind him. Aaron can hear the plastic click of the crutches on the linoleum of the corridor as he hurries away from the apartment.

Before he can think much of it, though, he’s drawn to the couch, exhaustion overtaking his body. He’s asleep in seconds.

Eventually, he goes back to work and for a small amount of time, things seem like they’re going to be okay. Emily picks him up and takes him in, Penelope gives him homemade cookies — not that he didn’t already have an ample supply of the fruits of her kitchen waiting to be eaten in his fridge — and sure, he’s a little stressed and abrasive throughout the first case, but no-one holds it against him. It’s a little tricky when he doesn’t manage to stop Darin Call from shooting his father, but he’s calmed down by the time Emily walks him back to his apartment.

“He’s not alone,” she says as they stand in his small living room, talking about Call but looking rather pointedly in his direction. They both know what she means.

Penelope and Sam, the marshall looking after his family, help him see Jack again on his 4th birthday — granted, over one of her many computer screens — and he has to swallow down a sob at the sight of him swinging in the park, looking happy as ever. He tries to be furious at Haley for uprooting Jack again, causing them to move to a halfway house because of a few phone calls to her mother, but there’s nothing left in him. Anger at the inevitable takes energy he simply doesn’t have. It’s why he simply accepted it when the money for the counter-surveillance against Foyet ran out. Fighting seems pointless.

He does manage to get angry, though, when he finds out Spencer lied to him by telling him he was cleared to travel when he wasn’t. He’d put himself at risk for deep vein thrombosis or other complications, so he calls him out as soon as the initial debrief ends. He looks sort of relieved to be staying behind with Penelope, which is a little strange since he’s always so eager to be in the thick of the action, but he brushes it off and they get on with yet another case.

Of course, it’s significantly harder to deal with when the Bureau questions him as Unit Chief of his beloved team. He takes a step back for the sake of the team, and he’s glad he does, but things don’t feel quite so good, quite so positive. He’s suddenly following Morgan’s directions instead of giving them, no longer a leader, and it’s… humiliating.

Still, he trusts Morgan. He trusts the team in general, and they still solve cases, and they still gel together like a well-oiled machine. Things are okay. There’s still hope.

But then.

Then Karl Arnold sends him a message.

Then he agonises, fights, wrestles, swims against the current to try and save his family in time.

Then Haley dies.

🌧

Aaron thanks every god he doesn’t believe in that Jack is too little to really understand what’s happened. He knows Mommy isn’t around anymore, he knows something bad happened, that Daddy is sad, but beyond that, he has no real comprehension of the situation.

In the first days after Haley’s death, he spends a lot of time cuddled up in bed, holding Jack as close to him as he can, hugging close all he has left of his ex-wife, desperately gripping onto the one person he loves more than anything else in this world.

Once he’s cleared by the Bureau, he can at least breathe a little easier in knowing his job is safe; he can provide for his baby boy. What follows, however, is less pleasant than job security.

Watching his team cry at her funeral and seeing Haley’s family in pieces almost does him in. He’s not usually the kind of man to show emotion, but he can’t help swallowing a choked sob as he tells everyone gathered just how incredible Haley was, how lucky he and Jack and everyone who knew her were, and just how much he loved her.

“If Haley were with us today, she would ask us not to mourn her death but to celebrate her life. She would tell us… she would tell us to love our families unconditionally, and to hold them close because, in the end, they’re all that matter.”

As he reads his speech, he can’t help but think of his team. For years, they've been his second family — arguably, as much as it pains him to admit it, the family he prioritised the most — and now, they're all he and Jack have. All of them have reminded him of that over the past few days, between helping with funeral arrangements and making food for them both, constant check-ups and distractions and messages of love and support. Having his back in the moment that mattered most.

“Okay, you can go ahead,” he murmurs to Jack as he lifts him up onto his hip, the last two standing at her coffin. He watches as his son places his white rose on his mother’s coffin before following suit, stomach constricting with grief as he does so. “Blow Mommy a kiss.”

And he walks, his son clutched desperately in his arms, towards the wake.

(The team leaves the funeral, called to a case that — despite everything that’s happened — he can’t help but long to be a part of even if he knows he’d be no use right now, lost in the haze of grief and the massive life change that is suddenly being a single parent, the sole carer for his son.

He uses the time off to pack Jack’s things and move them into his own flat, trying as hard as he can to keep life as normal as possible for a little boy who just lost his mom. Actually having time to be with Jack feels like the only possible good thing to come out of this situation, and he tries to be present in the moment as much as humanly possible, grateful for every second he spends chattering away with him about the dramas and dilemmas of being four-years-old, or playing dinosaurs with him, or stroking his hair while he falls asleep.

Strauss visits, says hello to Jack, and then offers him early retirement. With a heavy heart, he promises he’ll think about it.

Jessica offers to stay with Jack while he’s away. He calls Strauss, and he declines.)

Almost as soon as the team gets back from their case in Tennessee, Spencer shows up again. This time he’s only leaning heavily on a cane instead of awkwardly wrestling against two crutches, and his brace is gone.

“Hi,” he breathes, smiling hesitantly at Hotch. It doesn’t reach his eyes. “I’m sorry to show up unannounced again. This time I don’t have a dusty phone to use as an excuse, I just wanted to come as soon as possible and see how you and Jack were doing.”

“It’s fine, Spencer, don’t worry,” he says reassuringly, opening the door wide enough to allow him into the sitting room. Truthfully, he’s glad he’s turned up. Spencer’s a soothing presence; innocent, almost, in his openness and honesty, how trusting he is of everyone around him despite how hurt he’s been in the past. And while the others always scoff and groan at his academic and overly factual rambles, he’s rather fond of them.

“I don’t know if you heard,” he says as he takes a seat on Aaron’s sofa again, “but we solved the case.” His leg is clearly bothering him still: he’s subconsciously rubbing it through the fabric of his trousers and his facial expressions are showing subtle indicators of pain.

“I never doubted it,” Aaron says, face soft and open, happy to have Spencer here. He joins him on the couch. “How is it, working cases with the injury?” He wonders whether asking about work will have the same response as before, but he seems slightly calmer this time around. He hadn’t noticed anything amiss when he’d gone back, though he had, of course, been a little preoccupied; there's plenty he could have missed.

Spencer considers for a moment, looking marginally more subdued than the last time he’d sat on his sofa. “It’s… not easy, but I’m sort of used to it now. I don’t mind sitting out the fieldwork too much; besides, I get to talk to Penelope more.” He looks like he’s not saying something, averting his eyes as he talks but Aaron doesn’t push. He doesn’t want Spencer to bolt, but he makes a mental note to keep an eye on him when he eventually gets back to work again. “I heard through the grapevine that Strauss offered you retirement.”

He looks up at Aaron with wide, hesitant eyes and for a moment, his heart clenches tightly, a rush of some emotion he can’t quite place flooding his chest and squeezing the breath out of him. It’s only for a second: the moment’s over before he can actually process it, but it leaves him floundering for a response.

“I— ah, yes. She did,” he affirms, nodding his head, “but I declined.”

“You did?” Spencer asks, suddenly looking far brighter and another flash of that feeling flares in his chest.

As such, he can’t help the fond, private smile that spreads across his face. “I did.”

Spencer looks like he’s about to say something else but he’s interrupted by Jack dashing into the room, flying his toy plane around the room. As soon as he spots Spencer on the sofa, he dashes over, eager to show off his toy.

“Wow, that’s amazing, buddy,” Spencer says, looking as interested in a wooden replica of an aeroplane as an extremely well-educated adult possibly could. That’s probably because, Aaron thinks with a smile, he actually is.

Before Aaron knows it, he’s watching him be dragged towards his son’s new bedroom to inspect all his other toys. Jack has always loved Spencer and Spencer has always loved Jack, sharing a bond over an interest in all things scientific and mechanical, albeit at vastly different levels.

He hadn’t noticed how dull Spencer’s been looking until he brightens so considerably as soon as Jack is engaging with him, and his brows furrow. Trusting Jack to keep Spencer well entertained for the next few minutes, he fills a glass with water and leans against the counter of the kitchen, sipping it quietly as he thinks it over.

Now that he considers it properly, Spencer has seemed rather downcast and far quieter than usual recently. Not that he’d had the energy to address it, or even really clock it, the last time Spencer had turned up at his apartment, but his weird, abrupt departure was clearly triggered by discussion of the team. He starts to get some food out for lunch as he resolves to keep a much closer eye on things when he gets back to work.

He only thinks it over for a few more minutes before Spencer emerges into the kitchen, one hand clutching his cane and another gently holding Jack’s. He’s still bombarding him with questions about planes and trains and cars, but Spencer fields them expertly, managing to actually get an answer in before another question takes its place, a skill Aaron has yet to master. His chest clenches for the third time in the small period Spencer’s been in his flat as he watches the two together.

“Would you like to stay for lunch?” he offers, taking in Spencer’s small frame and dark eye bags; he can’t help the protective desire to feed him and make sure he’s happy and healthy.

“If you wouldn’t mind,” Spencer says, looking pleased with the offer, mouth twisting into a little smile. Aaron probably shouldn’t feel quite so delighted at his acceptance, but he brushes it aside and turns to face his son, who is watching them curiously.

“Hey Jack,” he says, crouching down to face him, “how about we get you some lunch, yeah? You can continue asking Spencer some questions while we eat. How does that sound?”

Watching Jack’s face light up as he nods happily and looking up to see Spencer’s small smile still firmly pasted on his face makes him feel, for the first time since Haley died, like there’s a future for him. A good one.

Chapter Three

If this chapter brought anything up for you, hotlines are in the endnotes of the AO3 version of this fic. Bigger countries are listed and a link is included if you live somewhere else in the world. I love you all, see you next Saturday! <3

taglist: @criminalmindsvibez @suburban--gothic @strippersenseii @takeyourleap-of-faith @makaylajadewrites @iamrenstark @hotchseyebrows @reidology @i-like-buttons @spencerspecifics @bau-gremlin @hotchedyke @tobias-hankel @goobzoop @marsjareau @garcias-bitch @marvel-ous-m @oliverbrnch @sbeno22 @aaron-hotchner187 (taglist form)

#my writing #rct #rct 2 #criminal minds #cm #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fic #aaron hotchner #spencer reid #jack hotchner #hotchreid #aaron hotchner/spencer reid #aaron hotchner x spencer reid #spencer reid/aaron hotchner #spencer reid x aaron hotchner #heid #hotchreid fic #hotchreid fanfiction

32 notes · View notes

lovelucybradford · 3 years

Text

I Pretend You’re Mine-2

Chapter Two: We Learn to Live with the Pain (Mosaic Broken Hearts)

Masterlist

A/N: Thanks so much for all of your support on Chapter One. I’m so excited that you love it as much as I do! Please let me know if you’d like to be added to the tag list for this story. Also, not sure how I feel about this one. Be warned: I hate Jennifer Blake.

Derek and Rose’s ‘engagement’ was supposed to stay a secret between the four of them. So, naturally, all of her friends knew about it. Even if she tried (and she really, really wanted to) Rosalie couldn’t push the thought of the upcoming ruse to the back of her mind. Her friends wouldn’t let her.

It started out innocently enough. A ‘Hey Rosie, Derek looks hot, don’t you think’ here or a ‘Friends to lovers is the best, right Rosalie’ there. Rosalie was used to it. Ever since she returned to Beacon Hills and became close with all of Lydia’s friends, who had somehow become Derek’s in the span of years, they’d been relentless with their teasing of Derek and her.

The joking she could handle.

It was when they used Rosalie’s feelings for Derek for their own amusement that it really started to bug her.

Wednesday had been the day from hell. It all started in Rosalie’s first period class. One of her more bold students, captain of the lacrosse team, had greeted her not with his normal, ‘What up, Miss H?’. No, the boy strutted right in, stopped at her desk, and said, ‘How’s it going, Mrs. Hale?’ with a shit-eating grin. Alex Layhue was normally the last to arrive to class, right before the late bell rang, so, of course, all of Rose’s other students had heard him. And began to refer to her as Mrs. Hale. Which had spread like wildfire, and then all of the kids called Rosalie by Derek’s surname.

It only stopped once she’d threatened detention. By the time eighth period was over, Rosalie was fuming and ready to stomp right out onto the lacrosse field to give her good friend, Assistant Lacrosse Coach Scott McCall, a piece of her mind. Instead, Rosalie raced out the door as soon as she was allowed to leave, forgoing her normal after-school visit to Derek’s classroom.

Rosalie’d reached her apartment, eternally thankful that the shitshow was over, when she had spotted it: a poorly taped rose on the front door, with a sign next to it. A rather crude sign.

Congrats on the D(erek). Love, Isaac. The words were bad enough. Isaac had to go and include a rather accurate drawing of Derek as a, um, d.

She had ripped the sign off the front door, threw it into the wastebasket under the kitchen sink, then punched the damned thing a few more times for good measure.

Then, Rose had called and screamed at Isaac. She couldn’t remember what was said in her anger, but Rosalie knew that a few choice words were thrown in, along with ‘obscene’, ‘tasteless’ and ‘terrible friend’.

Isaac showed up at the woman’s front door an hour after the ‘conversation’ holding a bottle of wine in one hand and takeout in another, a guilty smile on his face. Rosalie forgave him. Eventually.

That night, she’d had a very vivid dream about Derek’s dick. Rosalie woke up the next morning, covered in sweat, and knew that if she saw Derek she would spontaneously combust, and, well, other things that she didn’t want to even ponder.

So, Rosalie spent the rest of the week eating lunch in her car, leaving right after the final bell, and basically avoiding her best friend at all costs.

Until today. Rosalie had been waiting all week to watch this movie, and she would be damned if the deafening bang of construction across the street from her apartment building would keep her from Peter Kavinsky.

The door to the loft slid open, and Derek sauntered in, hands full with grocery bags. He paused at the sight of Rosalie, his face contorted in disgust.

“Get that shit off my TV!” he grumbled.

Rosalie paused the movie, looking up at him with a sharp glare. “It is not shit, Derek Sebastian Hale. It is romance. You wouldn’t know romance if it bit you in the ass.”

Derek scoffed. “Oh yeah? Remember, my senior year, when I showed up in front of my ex’s house all John Hughes-like and quoted Shakespeare at her like a total douche?”

“Mmm, yeah. And that went over swimmingly, didn’t it, Romeo? I specifically remember having to clean the cut on your forehead from the rock that she threw at you.” Rosalie snorted.

Derek ignored her, hauling the bags into the kitchen and shoving items into cabinets. Rose joined him, grabbing a bag of refrigerated foods. As she pulled out the milk, a slip of paper flittered to the ground. She reached down to grab it, stopping short when she found that a phone number was written on the back of the receipt.

“Elena Soto gave you her phone number?” Rosalie asked Derek.

Damn. Rosalie suspected that Elena was after Derek since the day that the new Spanish teacher started at BHHS. Two weeks ago. Girl had game, Rosalie gave her that.

Derek put down the box of noodles in his hand and scratched the back of his neck, looking everywhere but at his friend. Rosalie could see a hint of pink on his cheekbones and wondered if the man had actually gotten a sunburn after years of making fun of her for her lobster-tone skin in the summertime.

“Yeah. She, uh, asked me out to dinner next Saturday night.”

Rosalie straightened herself back up and busied with putting food in the fridge. She feigned nonchalance, asking, “And what did you say?”

“I told her thank you, but I’ll be in Hawaii… with you.”

The woman hid her smug smile in the inside of the refrigerator. Serves Elena right. “I thought you’d forgotten. Since you haven’t, you know, even brought it up since Disneyland.”

“I didn’t forget. And it’s not like you brought it up, either.”

True. Rosalie was avoiding that discussion like the plague. She knew that she’d be able to pull of fake fiancée. She’d had feelings for Derek that were successfully repressed since she was sixteen. But Derek… he’d made it very clear that he felt nothing more than familial love towards Rosalie. How could he convincingly play madly in love with her?

“I’m sorry I cockblocked your hot date with Senorita Soto,” Rose confessed, tone sounding more harsh than intended.

“Rosalie.”

She pulled her head out of the fridge and shut the door. The BB-8 magnet her niece bought him at Disney was displayed proudly towards the top. Rosalie studied it as an excuse to not look at Derek, lest he catch onto her jealousy.

She was losing her touch. Rosalie had built an excellent poker face over the years, and she let her friends’ suggestions and one bold woman break it. Rose had to up her game.

“Rosalie, you know I didn’t mean it like that. It’s why I didn’t bring Elena up. You’re my best friend. You know I’d do anything for you.”

Rosalie smiled deviously up at him, all thoughts of Elena Soto gone and replaced again with Peter Kavinsky. “Does that include watching my romcom?”

Derek rolled his eyes with a playful smile. He eventually gave in after Rose told him she would buy them a pizza.

___________

Rosalie tried to enjoy the movie, but one thought plagued her mind like some annoyingly catchy song.

Fake dating contract. It was so cringey she didn’t want to bring it up. But she did anyways.

“Hey Derek? This sounds so stupid, but since you and I are two adults playing pretend, don’t you think you and I should, you know, come up with rules for our charade?” Rosalie shoved pizza in her face to distract herself from any comment that would come next.

Derek laughed. “Yeah, ok, Lara Jean Comey.”

“It’s Covey, not Comey… and I’m serious, Der. You and I have both been shit on by our significant others. Don’t you think it would be good for us to come up with some kind of guidelines, so this doesn’t get out of hand and neither of us get hurt?”

Derek sighed, putting his plate down on the coffee table and giving Rosalie his full attention. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

Rosalie bit her lip, thinking. When she came up with nothing, she asked, “Do you have any dealbreakers?”

“I’m not making Drew jealous,” he swiftly announced.

Rosalie’s eyes shot up to his. “I’m not in love with Drew anymore, so there’s no need to make him jealous.”

“Thank God. What about you?”

She ignored the former comment. Rose did have a dealbreaker. She knew it would sound totally prudish on her end, but Rosalie knew her limits.

“No… No kissing.”

“What do you mean no kissing? Like, I can’t kiss you at all, or no tongue? Because I sure as hell know that we won’t be believable if I can’t kiss you.”

“And how would you know that?”

Derek pursed his lips. “I remember having an in-depth conversation with your brother about how gross you and Drew were together.”

Rosalie gaped at him. “And you didn’t stick your tongue down Jennifer’s throat at your engagement party?! It was like witnessing some messed-up porno. And, in my defense, Drew initiated every public—”

“I did not have my tongue down Jen’s throat!”

“Then why did Laura tell you two to get a room?”

Derek scowled. “Moving on…”

“Ok, rule 1: yes, to kissing. No tongue.” Rose ticked on her finger. “Two, no checking out other women. Like, at all.”

“You think I would do that when I’m engaged? I’m not a total dick.”

“I know that Derek. I’m just saying, when you were younger—”

“When I was younger. I’ve matured a lot since I was eighteen.”

She smacked his shoulder playfully. “You sure about that, Mr. I-throw-a-tantrum-every-time-I-lose-to-Scott-at-pool?”

“Shut up.”

“You can’t deny it, Hale. I know you too well… anything else to add?”

“No sex,” Derek said so suddenly that Rosalie about fell out of her spot on the couch.

“I…” She started, but couldn’t formulate a sentence, so she just nodded her agreement.

They sat in silence for a while, Rosalie processing what the hell happened.

“Let me warn you now. I don’t know how to be a good fiancé,” Derek added so softly that Rosalie might have missed it if she wasn’t so in tune with him.

“Derek…” She looked up to meet his green eyes, full of turmoil, of ghosts of past hurts. A haunted look that Rosalie knew too well. Only because she wore it too, late at night when she was alone with her demons.

Rosalie’s heart broke for him, and she pulled him into a hug. Derek was rarely vulnerable, preferring to keep those emotions locked tight. Rosalie was thankful that he opened himself up enough to let her see that side of him.

“You were a good fiancé, Der. It wasn’t your fault, that it ended. Jennifer was a bitch… I knew she wasn’t good for you,” Rosalie whispered into his shoulder, squeezing him tight so he knew that she meant every word.

Derek’s hot breath fanned over Rose’s neck as he spoke. “Then why didn’t you tell me?”

She pulled away from him, leaving her hands on his shoulders. Rosalie set him with an unimpressed look. “Would you have listened?”

Derek shook his head, a small smile overtaking the once hard line of his lips. “Nah, probably not.”

___________________________________________________________

Tags: @wolfarrowepz

#derek hale #derek hale fluff #tyler hoechlin #derek hale x reader #teen wolf

63 notes · View notes

carewyncromwell · 3 years

Photo

*sings* Cinderella...you’re as lovely as your name, Cinderella~...

Okay, some quick notes before we start. Despite the beauty of their work, painters’ palettes were actually rather limited on pigments during the Renaissance, only having three pigments more than artists did during the Middle Ages. The Moly is a magical plant that appears in Homer’s The Odyssey. Hermes gives it to Odysseus as a charm to protect him from Circe’s spells. It’s been most commonly compared to the snowdrop flower by scholars. It also is referenced in the canon Potterverse as a powerful herb that can counter enchantments.

The Willow Song appears as a motif at the end of William Shakespeare’s Othello, though it was written at least thirty years earlier. In Othello, Desdemona sings a few stanzas of it in response to her husband’s growing distance and madness -- to the audience watching the play in Shakespeare’s day, which would already know the song, its inclusion foreshadows Othello and Desdemona’s tragic ending. “No One is Alone” is from Stephen Sondheim’s well-regarded musical Into the Woods, which features Cinderella as a semi-major character -- the song is actually even partially sung by Cinderella in the show!

I edited the art for this section, as you can tell. Badeea’s painting is a modified photograph of the Chateau de Chambord in France, overlaid on top of my own drawing. (Thanks, Lunapic!) This is also my very first time drawing Badeea!! GOD, is she pretty!! I think her eyes are my favorite of all the HPHM cast.

Previous part is here -- whole tag is here -- Katriona “KC” Cassiopeia belongs to @kc-needs-coffee -- and I hope you enjoy!

x~x~x~x

When Carewyn followed up with Andre the next morning, he was quite disappointed when he saw Carewyn wasn’t wearing the new shoes he’d made for her with her uniform. He honestly hadn’t even considered that they wouldn’t be comfortable for walking in -- and honestly, Carewyn could sort of understand why. Andre had never been able to leave the palace grounds, so there no doubt were a lot of practical things he’d just never considered...such as how very flashy royal fashion was, compared to that of the common man. He was pleased with the feedback Carewyn “passed along from her cousins” for him, though -- completely unaware of the fact that all three comments were really opinions that Carewyn herself had had about the dress.

“Hmm...that is a good point,” said Andre, his hand resting on his chin. “Red is a beautiful color...but a deep blue would not only bring out your eyes, but it would also perfectly contrast your ginger hair, since blue and orange are on opposite sides of the color wheel...”

His face burst into a bright white smile. “Your cousin Iris really has an eye for colors.”

Carewyn successfully fought back a groan, even as her eyes drifted up off toward the top corner of the room.

“...Well, she has taken up embroidery as a hobby. I suppose when one spends a lot of time doing samplers, one could develop an eye for colors.”

And also create a lot of initialed handkerchiefs to conveniently drop in front of noblemen so they pick it up and return it to you.

Andre, however, reacted with some interest. “Is that so? Hmm...well, maybe when I’m working on your new pair of shoes, I could invite her over for tea so she can give me her second opinion before I give them to you.”

Carewyn had never disliked a thought more in her life that Iris having a say in what she wore -- but knowing that she shouldn’t be the one to sabotage Iris, especially when her cousin would no doubt be able to do it well enough on her own, she put on her best smile.

“...I’m sure Iris would enjoy that very much.”

Sure enough, within a week, Iris had been invited to the palace for tea with the Prince. Carewyn could only imagine how thrilled Iris, her aunt Claire, and Charles were. As for Carewyn herself, she knew it was now time to do as Charles said and stay out of Iris’s way...and so when Iris arrived, she made sure to clean the rooms in her wing of the palace in a different order and not sing so that Andre wouldn’t be able to “check in” on her with Iris in tow. She didn’t think she could stand it if Iris got to look down at her polishing the palace floors.

Her lack of singing, however, did catch Badeea’s attention. When Carewyn collided with the court painter in the hallway, she expressed some concern.

“I missed your accompaniment, while I was painting,” she said. “Is everything all right?”

Carewyn felt guilty as she leaned her broom against the wall for a moment. “Oh...yes, Badeea, I’m fine. I merely...well, my cousin Iris is spending time with the Prince today, so I thought to...well, not draw focus.”

Badeea nodded in understanding. “Mm, yes...some things are meant to be background details, while others are meant to catch the eye straight away.”

Carewyn and Badeea caught the sound of Iris’s twittering, bird-like laughter echoing down the hall toward them. Not wanting to be seen when or if Iris and Andre came out into the hall themselves, Carewyn quickly picked up her broom and went around the corner -- Badeea adjusted her easel under her arm and followed.

“Say, Carewyn,” said the court painter thoughtfully, “why don’t you dress up in that nice yellow and green dress you have and come to the market with me?”

Carewyn blinked.

“I need to pick up some more carbon black and indigo for this painting I’m working on for Andre, but the man who sells those paints loves to price gauge. If you were dressed up all fancy and you slid in a reference to your family, though, he might be less likely to try to rip you off,” Badeea added with a tiny, coy smile.

Carewyn frowned, feeling a bit unsure. “I don’t know, Badeea -- I still have a lot of work to do...”

“You have the whole rest of the day to finish,” Badeea reminded her. “It would only take maybe an hour or two. And it would get you out of the palace while your cousin’s here.”

Carewyn considered the matter. Truthfully she’d been hoping to finish her work quickly so she could stow away back to the library and scan more troop deployment records...but she really did hate the thought of bumping into Andre and Iris, not just because of how much Iris would hate Carewyn getting any attention and therefore delight in tormenting her in front of the Prince in order to puff herself up, but because she didn’t want to provoke Charles’s ire unnecessarily.

“All right,” she said. “I’ll go change.”

Not long later, Carewyn had put on her mother’s old dress, pinned her hair up, and joined Badeea by the front gates, and the two headed into town on foot. The sky was still rather gray -- it had been raining and thundering for the last couple of days, and there was still a lot of mud in places. Carewyn was glad she was wearing her worn brown shoes under her gown rather than the pretty heels Andre had made for her -- particularly since nobody would likely be looking at her feet.

The shopkeeper in question was indeed a bit intimidated when Carewyn offhandedly referred to “her grandfather, Charles Cromwell” -- and soon enough, Badeea had been able to skip most of the haggling she would’ve normally had to make just to get her paints at a decent price. They left the shopkeeper’s stall, several jars of paint in hand.

As fate would have it, as they walked at the market, someone else was also shopping, and at the sight of the familiar dress and mane of ginger hair, he ran up to meet them.

“Carewyn!”

Carewyn and Badeea both looked up, to see Orion striding up to them. He once again wore his slightly-too-clean, but modest white shirt, olive breeches, and boots, and he was carried a basket full of henbane.

Carewyn’s red lips spread into a smile. “Orion...hello.”

Orion brought a hand up to his chest and offered her a short bow.

“It seems the stars favor us after all, my lady,” he said, the corners of his own lips kissed with traces of a wry smile.

Carewyn shot a quick glance at his basket and quirked an eyebrow.

“Purchasing some more incense?” she asked pointedly.

Orion’s black eyes sparkled. “I’m afraid we’ve already used up what I bought previously. Fortunately the gentleman from last time remembered my face and didn’t give me too much grief.”

“That’s fortunate.”

Carewyn glanced at Badeea to Orion and back.

“Orion, this is Badeea Ali -- she’s the Crown’s court painter. Badeea...this is Orion Freeman. He helped me retrieve my horse the other day.”

Badeea’s dark brown eyes were very bright. “Ah, yes -- KC had said that you were thrown off your horse. Thank you for helping Carewyn, sir,” she added to Orion.

“It was my pleasure,” said Orion. “What’s the subject of your next piece, if I may ask?”

“A foreboding sky and a distorted reflection,” Badeea replied.

Orion looked intrigued. “That would explain such dark shades. Who commissioned the piece?”

“The Prince,” said Badeea. “But his request was just of a view of the entire palace, from a distance -- I was simply inspired by the rainstorm that passed through a few days ago, and how the turrets of the palace looked reflected in the castle moat.”

“I wonder how the castle of Royaume would see itself, if it had eyes,” said Orion levelly. “Would it see its beauty, or would it be the type to be critical of its flaws?”

“Hm...or would it see the beauty of its flaws?” asked Badeea.

“True,” granted Orion. “Flaws make us more human -- would that make something more beautiful, by serving as contrast to our strengths?”

“Flaws aren’t something you should simply have to accept,” said Carewyn demurely, her arms crossed. “One should strive to be better than one already is. Even if one is only human, that doesn’t mean they can’t work to be something better.”

Orion turned to her, interested. “And what would be better than being oneself, my lady?”

“Being a better version of oneself, of course,” Carewyn said, sounding matter-of-fact. “One can always be kinder, braver, stronger...more cunning, more passionate. One can always learn more, and do more, and be more.”

“Yes...but it seems like those could be crippling expectations to hold over yourself, to never be enough,” said Orion, and although his expression was very inscrutable, his lips twitched with something of a frown.

“Perfectionism is a disease that affects every artist sooner or later,” said Badeea sympathetically.

Her dark eyes flitted from Orion to Carewyn thoughtfully.

“I must be getting back to work on my painting...would you like to join us at the opposite bank, Mr. Freeman? I would be happy for some feedback on my work, before I present it to his Highness.”

Orion glanced at Carewyn for her approval -- she offered a small smile, and his lips turned up in a full smile of his own.

“I would be honored.”

So the three set about finding a less muddy spot by the castle moat, across from the palace. They found one right by a beautiful willow tree, where Carewyn very carefully lowered herself onto the grass. Badeea fetched her easel and chair, setting it up so that she had a good view of the castle. Orion looked over her incomplete work appreciatively.

“It looks like it could breathe, were it a living thing.”

“Thank you,” said Badeea. “Now then, I’ll need to concentrate while mapping out the sky, so no initiating conversation, please. These paints stay on fabric just as well as my canvas, so they won’t easily wash out. I would appreciate some accompaniment, though, Carewyn.”

Orion glanced at Carewyn curiously. Carewyn avoided his eye.

“Badeea, I don’t think -- ”

“Ah, ah,” said Badeea, holding up a gloved finger quickly, “no conversation. Accompaniment or nothing, please.”

She then set about mixing certain shades and color spotting sections of canvas.

Carewyn frowned. It was one thing to be singing while she was working herself, to pass the time, but Orion’s focus was still largely on her, and it felt weird. Still, she thought to herself, it wasn’t like she was bashful about singing in front of others, exactly -- she knew her voice was more than serviceable. There was really no harm in it. So, glancing up at the willow tree above her head, Carewyn rested her hands in the grass, leaned back, and sang.

“The poor soul sat sighing by a sycamore tree --

Sing willow, willow, willow...willow...

Her hand in her bosom, her head on her knee --

Oh willow, willow, willow...willow...

She sighed in her singing and made a great moan --

Sing willow, willow, willow...willow...

‘I’m dead to all pleasure -- my true love is gone --

Oh willow, willow, willow...shall be my garland...’”

Carewyn felt Orion’s dark eyes on her at the start. Before long, though, his eyes had fluttered closed, and he sat in perfect silence. As he listened, his shoulders loosened and his expression seemed to clear of all tension or pretense, like a child peacefully falling off to sleep. Badeea painted and shaded to the sound of Carewyn’s low, melancholy singing, adding white highlights to the dark gray and black shadows to create a cloudy sky with sunlight poking through.

When Carewyn was finished with the song, Orion slowly opened his eyes, meeting her gaze again at last. His eyes were oddly hesitant, almost shy.

“Y -- ”

He hesitated. Then, his black eyes softening handsomely, he closed his mouth, and it slowly spread into a smile gentler and warmer than Carewyn had ever seen before. He clearly approved.

Carewyn smiled in return and inclined her head in a silent “thank you.”

Carewyn sang some more songs until Badeea had finally finished and Orion and the two women had to part ways so that Badeea and Carewyn could pack up the easel and finished painting and bring them inside.

The following morning, Carewyn was surprised by KC pulling her aside to hand her a packet of what looked like handwritten sheet music.

“Your friend Orion stopped by a little while ago to give this to you,” she explained.

Carewyn was taken aback.

“I reckon he must’ve hopped over the wall,” said KC, unable to fight back a laugh. “I caught him strolling through the southwest gardens. I told him I’d bring it up to you, so that he wouldn’t get himself in trouble.”

Stunned, Carewyn looked down at the sheet music, shifting the pages so she could scan each line. Her blue eyes softened, growing deeper and darker with emotion, as she read the words and notes.

“...This...this is beautiful,” she whispered. She looked up at KC, unable to fully keep the awe from her face. “...You don’t think he wrote this?”

KC shook her head. “No, he said it was a song he learned when he was young, and that he tracked down the sheet music for you since he didn’t think he’d be able to properly sing it for you. I’ve never heard it either, though.”

Carewyn spent her meal times and about an hour before bed that night perusing the sheet music so she could learn the song. The following day, she felt confident enough to sing some of it while she started about cleaning the Queen’s Chambers.

“Mother isn’t here now...who knows what she’d say?

Nothing’s quite so clear now...feel you’ve lost your way?

You decide alone...but no one is alone.

You move just a finger, say the slightest word --

Something’s bound to linger...be heard...

No one acts alone...careful -- no one is alone...

People make mistakes -- fathers, mothers --

People make mistakes,

Holding to their own...thinking they’re alone...

Honor the mistakes everybody makes, one another’s terrible mistakes...

They could still be right -- they could still be good.

You decide what’s right -- you decide what’s good.

Just remember...”

“Carewyn!”

Carewyn stopped sweeping and looked up, to see Andre striding through the opened door of the Queen’s Chambers toward her.

“An -- your Highness,” Carewyn corrected herself very quickly, after noting who’d accompanied Andre.

Just behind him in the door frame was her dark-haired cousin Iris, dressed in her best rose velvet and her own almond-shaped blue eyes narrowed with loathing at Carewyn over Andre’s shoulder.

Andre, perfectly oblivious to the silent tension between the two cousins, gave a laugh.

“Oh, Carewyn, we’re not back to that again, are we? It’s ‘Andre,’ ” he said with an indulgent smile. “I haven’t heard that song before -- did you learn it recently?”

“Ah...yes,” said Carewyn. She could feel Iris’s fierce glare burning a hole in her face over Andre’s shoulder even without looking at either of them.

“It’s really quite lovely,” said Andre. “Please, do sing the rest of it when you’re able.”

“Of course, Prince Henri.”

Carewyn was absolutely not going to call Andre by his nickname in front of Iris -- she knew how Iris would shriek her head off about it to Charles.

Andre sighed and shook his head in something like tired amusement.

“I was hoping we’d catch you on your rounds,” he said conversationally. “I’m just about finished with your new shoes! Iris said your favorite color was ash gray -- I’ve never really worked with that color before, so it’ll be a bit of a challenge -- but I’m sure I’ll find a shade that might suit you...”

Ash gray? Running with the ‘Cinderwyn’ nickname, then, are we, Iris?

Carewyn forced a smile. “...Thank you. That’s...very kind.”

Feeling more uncomfortable by the minute, she quickly rushed over to pick up her full dust pan with her other hand.

“Forgive me, I really should go and empty this -- ”

At that exact moment, Iris had strode forward, bumping Carewyn’s shoulder in just such a way that the pan was knocked backward onto Carewyn, covering her, her orange and tan dress, and the floor with all of the dust, dirt, and grime she’d swept up over the last hour.

“Oh!” said Iris in feigned surprise. “I’m so sorry.”

Her gaze, however, was just as hard and unapologetic as it had been when she’d ripped the sleeve off Carewyn’s dress at home.

“Carewyn!” said Andre, concerned. “Are you all right?”

Carewyn coughed.

“...Yes, of course,” she said, her voice very hard and stoic in the back of her throat. “It was merely an accident.”

She shot Iris a cold look as she looked over her now thoroughly ruined uniform and the dust and dirt all around her feet.

“Please, go on ahead with Iris, your Highness. I’ll clean up this mess.”

Once Iris had successfully steered the reluctant-looking Andre out of the room, Carewyn closed the door, took off her dress, and finished cleaning the room in her undergarments, so as not to spread the dust and ash around any further. Then, very carefully, she darted across the hall from the Queen’s Chambers to Andre’s, so that she could fetch the high-necked, gold-embroidered dress made out of white linen and light blue velvet he’d recently finished for her from his walk-in closet. After all, she told herself, she needed something to wear while she was getting her uniform cleaned -- and well, at least Iris would be less likely to ruin this dress, since Andre had stitched it himself.

Holding her dusty, ashen dress in a folded pile against her chest, Carewyn headed downstairs toward the laundry. On her way through the entrance hall, though, KC -- who’d just come out of the library -- ran up to walk alongside her down the hall.

“Seems your friend is back.”

Carewyn’s messy ponytail flapped over her shoulder when she looked at her in surprise. “Orion?”

KC nodded, her lips curled up in a wry smile. “I thought I saw someone hopping over the wall through the library window, just now. Shall we go investigate?”

Carewyn bit her lip, looking down at the ruined uniform in her arms.

“Let me drop this off at the laundry first,” she said. “I’ll be right back.”

Carewyn ran down the stairs and threw her uniform into one of the tubs to soak, before quickly doing her hair up in a simple, but slightly more presentable braided bun and hurrying back up to join KC. The two women then headed out to the gardens, only to hear something of a scuffle.

“A man with innocent intentions does not hop over castle walls,” said Bill’s voice, though it sounded much lower and harder than Carewyn was used to hearing.

“In this case, sir, I assure you, I do.”

“You will declare your true name and business at once, sir, or I shall see to it that you’re locked in irons and hauled before the King himself -- ”

“Bill!” cried Carewyn.

Bill looked up, startled. The ginger-haired castle guard had slammed Orion back-first against a tree, holding him up off the ground by his collar with one hand, but at the sight of Carewyn and KC running forward, the suspicion and righteous anger in his face dissipated instantly.

“It’s all right, Bill,” Carewyn reassured him. “He’s a friend.”

“Put him down,” said KC.

Bill looked from KC to Carewyn in confusion, before glancing at Orion warily, but he nonetheless did as they said. Once he’d lowered Orion to the ground and let go of his shirt, the dark-haired man calmly adjusted his collar and picked up a satchel that must’ve come off in the struggle off the ground.

“Thank you, Carewyn...Lady Katriona,” he said pleasantly, as if he had not just been in a loose choke hold.

KC grimaced. “Orion, I’ve saved your butt twice now -- we’ve more than gotten to the point of you calling me KC.”

Orion smiled wryly. “I’m glad of it.”

Carewyn, however, still looked a bit harried. “Orion, what were you thinking? Hopping the wall...it’s no wonder Bill thought you were up to no good!”

“Well, the gate was locked, and no one was there to greet me,” said Orion airily.

“Well, of course the palace of Royaume has very strong security,” Carewyn said exasperatedly, “the royal family lives here.”

“I must wonder how the royal family ever receives visitors, then.”

“They don’t,” said Bill rather coolly. “They invite them, and very rarely, at that. And they clearly didn’t invite you to trespass on the grounds.”

Orion was unfazed. “Well, fortunately, I wasn’t looking for such an invitation, to begin with. I merely wanted to give this to Carewyn, as a gift for Madam Ali.”

He reached into his satchel and pulled out a jar of unusually shiny silvery-white paint. Bill, KC and Carewyn’s eyes all were very wide as Orion handed the jar to Carewyn.

“I asked a few people where best to locate materials for paints,” he explained. “One man pointed me to a flower that grows at the border called the Moly. He made this paint himself. I don’t think any colors like this are made and sold at the market, so I thought I would bring along one of his jars for Madam Ali, so she might use it for her next project.”

Carewyn’s light blue eyes were very bright and touched as she looked up at Orion.

“Orion...it’s wonderful,” she said, her soft voice incredibly warm. “Badeea will love it.”

“You said he used the Moly?” asked KC, as she took the jar from Carewyn and looked at it. “Maybe Badeea could mix up some more paint of her own, then.”

Bill glanced at Orion with a raised eyebrow. “Or the Crown could simply buy it from the vendor who sold you that paint.”

Carewyn noticed a strange, almost skittish glint flicker through Orion’s eye.

“...I’m afraid that jar was a favor, not a purchase,” he said softly.

“I think Badeea would be fine with making her own, Bill,” Carewyn said firmly. “The Crown wouldn’t want to set aside extra money for materials anyway. It’d be a lot cheaper to make a paint like that in house than to buy it from someone else.”

Despite his frown, Bill nonetheless sighed and nodded. “...True. Charlie’s needed a new set of scratch awls for ages.”

Orion looked pleased. “I’m glad I could be of assistance.”

“Perhaps the next time you want to see Carewyn, you might figure out a way to do it that doesn’t require you scaling walls like a prowler,” said KC amusedly.

Carewyn shot KC a slightly reproachful look. Orion’s muted smile rather resembled that of a satisfied house cat.

“I’d be happy to arrange more regular meetings outside the palace, if Lady Cromwell would be open to it,” he said, his black eyes sparkling as he glanced at Carewyn.

Carewyn raised her eyebrows coolly at him. “Once again, Mr. Freeman, you seem to have an unusual amount of freedom, if you’re able to consider allocating time just to meet me.”

Her lips then spread in a wry smile.

“Still...I can hardly sit by and let you get arrested for trespassing on my account. I have some time available late tomorrow morning, before noon. I could meet you by the gate then.”

Orion grinned. “I’ll look forward to it, my lady.”

#hphm #hogwarts mystery #cinderella au #my art #my writing #carewyn cromwell #orion amari #katriona cassiopeia #andre egwu #bill weasley #badeea ali #orion you sneaksy bugger #definitely manipulating things to 'learn more about your enemy' and warm them up to you #so as to make connections you could use to do diplomacy later when the ruse is up #but at the same time...you sure are oddly comfortable with putting yourself in risky positions to interact with carey-bear ain't you >3 #iris's face claim is a brown-haired devore ledridge #I'll probably be drawing her at some point with andre -- GOD do I feel bad for this guy #as naive as he is about the cromwell family dynamic I think he already prefers carewyn's company to iris's #but honestly who wouldn't *snorts*

25 notes · View notes

awed-frog · 3 years

Note

Do you have any advice for someone who’s really struggling to study? I’m really stressed and demotivated, and I can’t seem to sit down and just study. In my country we only have virtual classes so maybe It has something to do with that, it’s really sad that it’s my first college year and I haven’t attended one single face to face class. Anyway, If you have any kind words I would really appreciate it. Love your blog btw <3

Hey! Thank you for this! And I’m very sorry you feel that way...just know you’re not alone, I think we’re all a bit ‘what’s the point’ rn, and for students (and teachers) this period must suck especially hard. I don’t know exactly what can work for you, but here are a few things that come to mind. I hope you can find something useful!

Have habits and routines. Our days are all over the place, which is not good for motivation or mental health. Instead of procrastinating, feeling guilty, working in a hurry and then feeling even worse, decide on a schedule that works for you. Don’t be too hard on yourself - give it as much time as you need to do the work well, and devote the rest of your day to stuff that makes you feel accomplished and serene (maybe learn or practice a non-screen skill, such as cooking or painting?).

And: at risk of sounding like a yoga mom, don’t forget about your body. Very often stuff like bad mood or exhaustion has physical, not mental, causes. Try to make time for sport - dancing in your underwear, running outside, walking the dog, online pilates, a 7-minute app - and, if you can, a few minutes of meditation, singing or breathing exercises every day. I’d recommend the ‘cardiac coherence’ stuff - lasts about 3 minutes, makes you feel really great. And: remember to stretch, smile and drink water throughout the day. If possible, go outside or have plants and flowers around you.

When it comes to habit, try to understand what kind of person you are and react accordingly. Some people work best when they change cold turkey (new day, new me), while for others it’s better to adjust things more slowly (for instance by moving the alarm clock forward five minutes every week or two). If you’re the second type, a method like Pomodoro could work well to organize your work schedule.

Have pretty things. Try switching to ink or coloured pens, have nice stationery, organize your Word documents so they’re neat and tidy, use candles, plants, ‘good mood’ incense - whatever makes you feel your work has meaning and worth.

Try background music. Some people work better with noise, and you can find all kind of noises online, from stations to coffee shops to purring cats. Others like classical music. For me, what works is video game music, which is designed to keep you alert and focused while being unobtrusive.

Try to keep your workspace as similar as possible to a ‘real’ workspace. No stack of dirty mugs and plates, no abandoned pajama bottoms. If you can manage it, start your day as if you were actually going outside - dress for actual human company, put on make-up if you like to - and remember to prepare your desk the night before: textbooks, charged laptop, notebooks, water bottle, possibly a diary or a motivational quote or anything you find useful.

If it helps, study with friends or classmates. Have video meetings, chats or shared Google docs and work together. Rant with people who’re going through the same thing, but also find a way to help one another. If you live with flatmates or family members, maybe you can find a moment to work together on your separate things? Dad does admin, mom prepares a work presentation, you do your homework and that’s ‘work time’ for everyone?

Divide your tasks. Make clear lists of what you have to do - as detailed as possible (not: shakespeare essay, but: 1. read book, 2. write essay, 2b. introduction and so on) and pay attention to when the stuff is due, either writing it down in agendas or post-its or creating alerts on your phone. Some people also like the square of doom (you know, that ‘important + urgent’, ‘important + non urgent’ thingy).

Keep track of what you’re doing if you find it helps you. There are good apps for this, or you can use a nice journal or an Excel sheet. Track whatever you want - minutes of study, words learned, tasks accomplished...a favourite of mine is ‘a time logger’, which can track your entire day. When I was in uni, it made me realize I was working a lot more than I thought, and reaching daily goals kept me motivated.

Rethink your internet consumption, especially news, TV shows and social media. Try having periods where you go off-screen whenever you need a break. Stuff like, ‘no TV before 6 pm’ or ‘no tumblr on weekdays’ can automatically make you a lot less stressed and a lot more productive.

You can also decide to modify the way you engage with these things. For instance, if your studies involve a language, you could watch only TV shows in [language], or turn on [language] subtitles, or you could switch to Buzzfeed [country]. If you like IG, pinterest or tumblr, try having a separate ‘weekday’ account which is about healthy escapism and/or accountability: landscapes and poetry instead of fandom content, or a personal blog about your day - use the right tags and connect with others who’re going through the same thing.

Imagine you’re teaching someone. I’m guessing you’re passionate about your subject, so turn your study sessions into imaginary conversations. Teaching a lesson (or making a speech) is often the best way to see what you understand, what you need to work on, and what you’re interested in learning more about.

Websites like b-ok can help you find books about your subject (or not) - possibly stuff you’re not actually compelled to read, but which sounds interesting nonetheless. Broaden your horizon, discover different stuff, and sooner or later you’ll find yourself making connections between the exciting stuff you’re basically reading for fun and the actual subject you’re studying.

And: remember why you’re studying this. What are you passionate about? Why did you fall in love with your subject? Why are you studying it? Sometimes we have to endure a few boring classes to get to the good part, and that’s okay.

And finally: visualize the future. The world will get better, and at some point you’ll be glad you’ve spent a few (or many) hard and boring hours getting your degree. What are you going to do after this? Make a ‘future’ board, write a fake Wikipedia article about yourself, give a Nobel or graduation speech, give a pep talk to your (imaginary) future children about the hardships you faced on Zoom and how you overcame them to become the mom they know and love. Whatever works, no matter how ridiculous or narcissistic or far-fetched is a good thing!

I hope this helps! Remember to remain calm and positive, and talk to yourself as if you were talking to a child or a best friend. Less You suck and the world is going to end and more Yes, you didn’t do great today, but we can always do better tomorrow, it’s okay to have an off day! Uni is hard enough under any circumstances, and right now...do your best and resist the bait of dark thoughts: we will get through this, and everything will be alright. It’s how it works.

#ask #studying #students problems #life tips #life advice #motivation #anxiety #mental help #singing about the dark times #you can do this <3

29 notes · View notes