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comfortwriting · 3 years

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Ashtray Part 4 - D.M

Masterlist, Requesting Rules, Writing Prompts

This is Part 4 of my Draco Malfoy Mini Series, please read parts 1, 2, and 3.

Warnings: swearing, smoking, mention of food and eating.

“Is love a tender thing? It is too rough, too rude, too boisterous, and it pricks like thorn.” Snape’s voice echoed in the back of your mind whilst you flicked through your Romeo and Juliet GCSE muggle study materials, forgetting about charms, divination, and hexes, and learning about Shakespeare, Charles Dickens, and John Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men instead.

The spring breeze brushed against your tender neck and cheek, causing your hair to blow out of place, the pages in your books flicking over, your bookmark sliding out of the crook and onto the grass.

Sighing, with a cigarette clamped between your lips in the corner of your mouth, you quickly grabbed on to your book, trying to find the page you were on, battling against the strong and unsteady breeze which started to resemble a billion hands, trying to push you away all at once.

Reaching the page you were on, you picked up your bookmark and shoved it back into the crook, sucking on your cigarette and inhaling, you stuffed the books into your bag and rested your head against the giant birch tree you pressed your back up against, looking up at the long, thick branches that welcomed new leaves and blossoming flowers.

“Are you bloody mental?” A familiar voice called out, footsteps stomping towards you.

Choking on your breath, you spluttered, the cigarette shooting out of your mouth and onto the grass, the wind blowing it away before you could pick it up or put it out.

The group of footsteps got closer and then stopped, you stared at the familiar mucky and well-worn shoes that stood out next to the shiny pointed flats in perfect condition, looking up, you were faced with Ron and Hermione.

Feeling your heart drop in your stomach and bracing yourself for another lecture, you continued to stare at them, darting from one pair of eyes to another.

“What do you want?” you sighed, too tired to argue, too drained to explain yourself all over again.

Ron squinted at you “leaving Hogwarts just as you’re about to start your O.W.Ls, Y/N, have you gone mad?”

Your heart started to pound, your stomach suffering fatal blows with each heavy beat.

“It’s nothing to do with you” you replied “I told you that last week!”

Hermione held Ron back from losing his temper, flashing him a look and pulling him behind her. She looked down at your book filled bag and pouted for a moment, pondering her thoughts.

“But why?”

But why? are you kidding me!

Rolling your eyes, you scoffed and laughed lightly, grabbing your bag and slinging it over your shoulder as you got to your feet.

“You’re a smart girl, Hermione.” you glared “don’t ask stupid questions.”

Turning away from her and walking away in the other direction, Ron pushed past his girlfriend and grabbed hold of your wrist, pulling you back, his other hand gripping the wand in his pocket tightly.

“Ron!” Hermione hissed.

“No!” You raised your voice “It’s alright, I’ll give you what you bloody want.” You snatched your wrist away from Ron and pushed him away from you, almost causing him to fall onto the grass.

Hermione tried to speak, so did Ron but the fire burning in your stomach became uncontrollable and the embers that flew off spread around your body like wildfire.

Draco, Pansy, Blaise, and his other cronies strolled down the path towards the lake, your raised voice catching their attention and pulling them into the spider web you were accidentally forming around you.

“I fell in love with Draco and he happened to already like me back!” you yelled “I got to know him better than anyone, better than Pansy, better than Blaise, better than Snape!”

Hermione still tried to speak, but only managed to stutter.

“That lad has been treated like shit by his father, he has been forced to do terrible things he didn’t want to do, he was never given a choice and still can’t decide what he wants to do with his own life for himself!”

The fire in your stomach shot up and travelled past your ribs, Draco’s mouth hung wide open, his heart pumping like it never had before in his life, Pansy stared at him out of the corner of her eye.

“He isn’t a death eater by choice! I am not a death eater for helping him gain the courage he so desperately needs to break away from the poison in his life!” you walked towards Hermione and Ron, your index finger pointing at them. “I didn’t decide to fall in love with him, it just happened, I could smell his green apples in my bloody love potion, he could smell my fucking cigarettes!”

You inched closer and closer, now trembling with fury.

“Is this true, Draco?” Pansy snapped, staring at him in horror.

“Well don’t just stare at it, what can you smell?” Snape droned on at you, gliding down the empty classroom.

You closed your eyes and swallowed hard, allowing the scent of green apples and expensive shoe polish to engulf your senses, drowning you.

The scent pulled you away from reality and forced you to relive the picnic with Draco, the perfectly sliced green apples sitting on a plate before you were pulled from that moment and thrust into his arms as the two of you danced slowly and silently in the dark and empty courtyard, his expensive shoes shining in the moonlight, the smell of his shoe polish breaking out into the cold air.

You cleared your throat “I can smell Draco, Professor.” taking a deep breath you opened your eyes and stared into Snape’s pits of darkness “I can smell the green apples he eats, and the expensive shoe polish his dad buys for him.”

The corner of Snape’s mouth curled into a rare smile - a sign of approval rather - Snape’s hand rested on your desk, his eyes focusing hard on your cauldron.

“I want you to hold up your bag” he ordered, watching as you did so “and I want you to take out your Marlboro Cigarettes.”

You felt the air get snatched out of your lungs as you were pulling out the exact cigarette brand.

“How did you-”

“When I asked Malfoy what he could smell” Snape paused for a moment, the corner of his mouth curling upwards even more “he pulled a disapproving face and said the same cigarettes in your hands; Draco could smell you.”

“I had no idea that Harry had feelings for me, he never hinted at such a thing, he never told me, and when you thought I was becoming Mrs Malfoy with a burning desire to pledge allegiance to Voldemort-” you bit down hard on your tongue, having never said his name out loud “before I had a chance to explain everything, you publicly shunned me! the whole of Hogwarts shunned me!”

Hermione and Ron’s faces dropped, other students passing by stopped and stared at you, listening in to every word that flew out of your mouth, Harry could hear everything as he ran towards you, his scar prickling, nausea polluting his system, the vision as clear as day in his mind.

“I can’t eat in the great hall - I have to sit with the bloody house-elves in the kitchens! I can’t go into my own common room, or sleep in my own fucking bed!” Your yelling turned into loud screeches, your throat incredibly raw and sore as if you had swallowed the worlds tiniest razor blades.

Harry reached closer and closer towards you all, panting, desperate to catch his breath and spill everything he had just witnesses, the hairs standing up on his back, fear consuming him and guilt suffocating him.

“Everyone hates me! I hesitated for one moment when Draco asked if I were to choose him over you, my best friends, and when I said it wouldn’t come to that, he shunned me too!”

Tears filled Hermione’s eyes, making her vision go glassy, mirroring you, she had never felt so guilty and wrong in her whole life. Harry fell to his knees, gasping for air and pulling on Ron’s sleeve, trying to speak, gasping as he babbled.

“He’s coming-”

“Harry, take deep breaths mate, I can’t understand what you’re saying”

Breaking out of your rant, you noticed everyone circled around you and watching everything unfold in the distance, Draco stood and stared at you, his heart clawing through his bones and flesh to pull you into his arms where you belonged, but his head cursing you and seeing nothing but red for exposing his vulnerabilities to his peers.

“So now you all know why I’m leaving!” you yelled, addressing everyone, getting on your tiptoes, your arms stretched out as you spun around in a circle “and the best news is that I’m leaving earlier than expected!”

“He’s going to attack-” Harry gasped whilst Ron rubbed his back, concern splashed upon his face, trying to put the pieces together.

“Y/N, we’re sorry!” Hermione cried out, her voice shaking.

“No!” you yelled “you’re not! none of you are!” turning your back to everyone you took off in the other direction, your throat burning like your stomach, your eyes stinging from the tears “and after tomorrow it won’t matter!” you yelled again “I’ll be gone when the morning comes!”

Storming off, your bag bounced and bashed against your back, the heaviness of the books pushing you along with each slam, you could feel Draco’s icy grey eyes carve holes into your spine, your heart yearning out and crying for him.

but it didn’t matter anymore, you were moving on with your life and so would he.

“He’s going to attack her-” Harry gasped, finally catching his breath.

“Who-”

“Voldemort-”

“Who is he going to attack? Hermione-”

“No!” Harry shook his head, burying his hands into the grass, pulling on it, everyone now staring at him “Voldemort is going to attack Y/N!”

Draco’s world stopped, his grey eyes focused on Harry - as Harry’s green eyes that belonged to his mother looked back at the lad he hated with every ounce of his being.

“We need to help her” Harry stressed “both of us.”

Tag list: @amourtentiaa @reeophidian @alwaysnforeverfangirl @inglourious-imagines @sycathorn-slush @blackqueens01 @astramalfoy @yesimsleepdeprived @fredshufflepuff @a-dusty-emerald @samineisntmyname @hogwartsbroom

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pinkykitten · 4 years

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truth or dare

- @someoneovertherainboww heey i dont know if u tak requests but i loved ur writing and i was wondering if u could make prompts 20 and/or 25 for zuko pls prompt(s): “i’m not playing truth or dare.” “why don’t you take a picture? it’ll last longer.”

pairing: zuko x female! reader words: 2,210 genre: modern au, high school au, cafe au, fluff, comedy, requested

a/n: tysm!!! yes requests are opened atm! omg while writing this i thought of that thing that dante said at like a con or something where he was ordering at starbucks and the lady was like omg ur zuko!!!😂 art in title isnt mine! hope yall enjoy this ball of cheesiness that cures my acne and enjoy the love that i have for zuko to make me become a disaster for him （＾コ＾）V

Your back ached from the way you hovered over your laptop and sat at your desk. Your mind was focused on learning and getting good grades it didn’t mind the pain. Your eyes burned from the strenuous gaze at your blue screen. Your hands felt as if you churned butter and not to mention the mean girls were extra rude today at school. High school was tough and you needed the rest of the day to be filled with relaxation and peace before you hit the books tomorrow.

“Where are you going?” Your best friend Sokka asked through the phone.

You hopped off the bus with all your items almost spilling out of your bag. “I’m going to Fire Tea Shop. I read the reviews online and people say its pretty good.”

“No, c’mon Y/N you had your chance. You mean its pretty lit!!!!” Sokka sounded too much like a kid that had eaten edibles.

“I’m hanging up,” you said deadpanned. “I don’t even know how I’ve kept up this friendship this long. I’m so proud of myself.”

“Its because you love me.” Sokka sang.

“It might be because I think you need my help. If I wasn’t with you and had your back like where do you think you would be? Probably eating crap off a cave right now and starving.” You walked up and inside the cafe was so cozy. It had an earthy yet red contrast feel to the place. It sure matched with the name Fire. It had some vintage Chinese architect to it. It was stunning and really caught your eye. And it was peaceful. “Do you want anything babes?” You asked as you looked at the menu. “They have cactus juice.”

“No!” Sokka shouted on the phone. “I tried that, I couldn’t get out of the bathroom the whole day! Plus I thought I saw like mushrooms of some sort.”

You snickered, “baby, I think you’ve been eating too many mushrooms!”

“I’m good. You enjoy it there.”

You said your goodbyes and hanged up the phone. As you did an old man came up with a long beard to say his welcoming.

“Hello there, young lady. Might I interest you in trying our newest tea? White Jade tea. It’s very delicious.” He smiled wide.

You read his name tag. He was such an adorable old man. “Hmmm, Iroh? Actually since this is my first time I want to try your most popular tea. How about-”

“So White Jade?” Iroh was about to punch in your order when you heard a shriek and what seemed to be a pot dropping on the floor. “One moment please. That is probably my angsty, incapable nephew that made a mess. Please look to see what you would like.” Iroh made a hasty get away.

Out came a teen your age as he rubbed the back of his head. He was so handsome looking. His hair was disheveled and he wore a red apron. His attitude really attracted you. “Good thing I made a distraction, that White Jade tea is not a hit. I’m not that good at making tea also. That’s more my uncle’s job.” His voice was low and had an edge to it. It was so handsome.

“Oh he’s your uncle. That’s sweet!” You grabbed your wallet out. “I would like a Jasmine tea please.”

“Good choice. My uncle loves that tea. That will be $4.25.”

You grabbed your money and went to give it to him when you saw the huge scar. It was red and didn’t scare you but you couldn’t look away. The thoughts that went through your mind was how in deep pain this person must of been in to endure and cope through that painful wound.

“Why don’t you take a picture? It’ll last longer.”

You wanted to hit yourself. You were taught to have manners and here you were staring at this young man. He probably felt self conscious and insecure and you made him feel worse. “Oh my God I am so sorry. I wasn’t meaning it like that. I’m just sorry that you had to go through that.” You read his name tag. “Zuko. Its a beautiful name.”

Zuko’s nose flared up, “yeah, thanks.” He grabbed forcefully at the money and you sat and awaited your order.

You dug your head in your arms. ‘Why are you like this Y/N? Why did you stare?’

“Here is your tea miss,” Iroh instead brought the tea out. “My nephew felt he didn’t want to scare you away.”

You bit your lip, “I am so sorry. Please forgive me, I didn’t mean to make him feel uncomfortable. It was so insensitive for me to do that. Please can we start over.” You felt so bad and guilty.

Iroh thought about it then pointed to the tea. “I make the tea myself. Taste it and I’ll think about your offer.”

You sipped the warm tea and no lie it was amazing. He definitely knew what he was doing. You weren’t thinking it was fantastic because you wanted to make amends with these folks but it was actually the truth.

“Honestly?”

Iroh nodded.

“This is really good and totally what I needed today. Thank you for this and please take this tip.” You gave Iroh the money. “Its a way to say I’m sorry.”

Iroh saw the money and smiled wide, “I can think we can find it in our hearts to forgive you.”

You finished your tea and went to the order counter and rang the bell. Zuko came out thinking you left.

“Yes?”

“I was thinking. Do you maybe want to go to the park tomorrow and catch some lunch? Its A way for me to apologize for my behavior today.”

Zuko looked around sheepishly, “I don’t know.”

“Please,” you pouted your lips.

Zuko agreed and the date was set.

After school the next day you went straight to the cafe.

You were going to be honest in saying Zuko was really cute. You were nervous and thinking about him the whole day non stop. You even dressed up for the occasion which rarely happens! Even Sokka knew and wouldn’t stop teasing you the whole day. He should of been your hype man but he made you feel like a little girl with a crush!

“You ready Zuko?”

“Yeah just give me a sec.” Zuko went in the back and came back with a changed look. He wore instead a red bomber jacket. Could he be anymore boyfriend material?

“Love the jacket.” You poked him on his side and he blushed awkwardly.

The way to the park was more silent and you were considering if this was a bad idea.

“So do you go to school or are you home schooled?’ You tried to break the ice.

“Actually, I go to the school not to far from here.” Zuko pointed in the direction your school was at.

“Wait! I think we go to the same school! Yeah, I’ve seen you before!”

“I’m not that hard to miss.” Zuko, in a way, brought up his scar.

“No I would remember you from being so handsome.” You smirked. Zuko almost choked. “That school sucks though. Its the same everyday. Work my butt off and then get kicked around like dirt by the schools mean girls. I feel like my life is a movie sometimes.”

“Yeah I get made fun of too.”

“I’m sorry.” You touched his arm.

“My dad did this to me,” he pointed to his scar. “Didn’t like me as a son and loved my sister more, I guess.”

“It’s a touchy subject. I didn’t realize it, I’m sorry.”

Zuko chuckled which was something new to you and almost shocking, “you can stop saying sorry. I already forgive you. Its not a big deal. I like you though, I think you’re cool.”

“Thanks.”

“And those people that make fun of you, they're crazy. They're probably jealous of you because you're so beautiful.”

You almost died right there! You were like already ready to get married to this man it felt like. Would it be wrong to ask if he was single? You prayed and hoped he was.

You two sat at the bench. It was such a peaceful, sunny day. You crossed your legs and faced him. “So Zuko, lets play truth or dare!”

“I’m not playing truth or dare.”

“Alright I choose dare to get it started.”

Zuko rolled his eyes. He knew you weren’t going to do this. “I dare you to ask that old lady over there if she knows any place that sells laxatives.” You shot up and Zuko immediately regretted it. “Y/N I was just kidding. Let me do another one.”

“A dares a dare my man.” You fist bumped your chest like the warrior you were. You went up to the old lady like a lost kid.

Zuko couldn’t help but laugh hard and try to shy away from the world.

You ran back and fist bumped the air with a skip. “In your face fire prince!” You nicknamed him. “She said around the block they got a drug store. Boom! Now your turn.”

“Okay, truth.”

“Boriiiiiiiing! Oh my God! Fine! What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done?”

He groaned, “really? We’re going there? I said a joke, okay, that my uncle said and it came out terrible the punchline left the building and nobody laughed. It was [pretty brutal.”

“I would of loved to see that,” you said in awe. “That’s full on cringe right there sweetie.”

“Okay, you now.”

“Truth.”

“Sissy much?” Zuko raised his brow.

“Hypocrite! I’m just following your footsteps.”

“Okay, feisty. Have you ever kissed anybody?”

“Totally!” You struggled on that one. It was such LIES!

“You stumbled on that one. I can tell you’re lying.”

“Yes, fine I am. I’ve never kissed anybody in my life okay. Only my pillow. I’ve practiced on that and lets just say its been through a lot.”

“Wow,” Zuko tried to stifle his chuckles, “you’re unbelievable.”

“And what about you? Have you ever kissed anybody?”

“It’s not my turn.”

“Truth or dare?” You were starting to see a different side of Zuko that you really liked. He was fun and made you smile.

“Truth.”

“Have you ever kissed your girlfriend?” You wanted to see if he was single.

“I’ve kissed before but I don’t have a girlfriend.”

You legit wanted to party and cry because this could actually happen. “Who’d you kiss?”

“A customer.”

“Oooh, you have to spill the tea on that later. I choose dare!”

“I dare you to try your first kiss with me.” Zuko raised his brow.

Oh my Lord was he serious? You were sweating profusely and at an alarming rate. “Are you for real?”

Zuko nodded his head, “it is a dare. And you wanted to start this. I told you not to.”

“I’ve never kissed anyone! How do I do it?”

“Just look at me and try it out and I’ll critique it.”

“I’m kinda hating you right now.” You glared at Zuko. “Only 3 seconds okay.”

Zuko surrendered to that and you closened up on him. He smelled of tea leaves that were light and airy and a burning flame of musk. He was really growing on you. You came closer and closer until your lips met. You wanted to keep still but Zuko moved his lips so you followed. You felt the whole shebang. Fireworks, butterflies, everything. You clutched onto his bomber jacket. They seemed so strong and vigorous the kisses but they were tiny pecks to start you off. Your lips moved in sync with his because you got the memo and started getting used to it. You looked down at your watch as saw that it passed the three seconds. Separating from him you wiped your lips, breathless for a puny kiss. It seemed like such a milestone for you and something so big but in reality some kids kiss their posters longer than what you did.

“How was that?” Zuko looked away blushing.

“Very invigorating and exciting.” You were speechless. You were such a daredevil is what you thought to kiss this complete handsome stranger. It was like a dream though. You stood on the bench and screamed out the park, “I just had my first kiss everyone!!!”

Zuko pulled you down, “oh my God it wasn’t that amazing. Chill out. I choose truth.”

You evilly smiled, “do you think I’m attractive?”

Zuko’s blush was even redder this time. “Yeah, you’re cute. My type.”

You wiggled your brows, “you’re type? You think I’m cute? He’s think I’m cute! I have finally a guy! Who thinks I’m cute! I have a chance! At not being alone! And being a crazy cat lady!” You sang as you shook your body. “Okay last one, I choose dare again. Yolo. Living on the edge.”

“I dare you to go on another date with me,” Zuko asked as he played with his fingers.

It was silent and you were surprised on one factor. ‘This was a date?’ You grabbed his hands and smiled at him, “I’d love to go on another date with you! And you said you didn’t want to play truth or dare.”

a/n: IROH IS SUCH A MOOD OMG 😂 and zuko is so sly and cheesy sdkgjfdskgfkgjfdgk omg. i loved this wayyyyy to much as u can tell and like made this like a chapter book bc im extra like that! would u kiss a stranger if he was zuko? i prob would bc im a thirsty nerd fam 🥵

Tag list: @carat-bebe, @angelgl16, @perfectlybeautifulsuit, @hyehoney, @haven-prelude (wont let me tag), @leasly, @totally-alexa21, @creamy-pasta-boi, @multireese, @fanfictionrecommendations-com, @prentisskelley, @malereaderforkpop (wont let me tag), @guardian-of-cookies, @justafangirl-97, @teenageshitposts (wont let me tag), @dippergravity (wont let me tag), @some-booty, @fromfoolishpeopletodeadpeople, @collectiveyou, @wtfisalltherandoms, @dirbel, @eastcoasthaven, @fangirl-4-life415 (wont let me tag), @melonreblogsstories, @fandomchick80,

wanna be tagged in my crap? comment!

Please Reblog, like or comment! It means a lot to me and I truly appreciate it:)

#atla x reader #atla #atla imagines #atla fanfiction #atla modern au #zuko x reader #avatar the last airbender #avatar the last airbender x reader #atla scenarios #avatar the last airbender modern au #atla x you #atla x y/n #avatar the last airbender imagines #avatar the last airbender fanfiction #au #truth or dare

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irrlicht-writes · 3 years

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the path we choose to walk on pt.3

Part 3! still not the last part. But I’m getting close! Note to mention: there is death here. But it’s not permanent. Okay? It gets worse before it gets better. @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @cass-said-i-love-you @professorerudite @insertdeeplyrics anyone else want on the tag list?

PART ONE | PART TWO

Ao3

PART 3: a soul as gentle as a star

Dean is sobbing. He can’t stop. Cas has been sick for a whole week already and still, Jack has not shown up. Dean had to shoo Miracle out of the room because he’s afraid that she’s going to get sick too.

Dean doesn’t know what to do. There’s a fever running through Castiel and no matter what Dean does, it won’t go down. The few times that Cas is awake, he’s puking up his guts over the toilet – all black goo and Dean’s heart breaks. Cas is crying before he passes out again and Dean can’t help. Cas is losing weight and it’s hard to even get him to drink water. Jack doesn’t come.

He pets Castiel’s hair and whispers sweet nothings into his ear. Cas never responds and Dean cries in his damp hair. What’s he supposed to do? He can barely eat food himself. The only thing keeping him from breaking down completely is Miracle because she’ll remind him of feeding her and walking her and honestly, Dean is glad for the temporary distraction she provides.

“Cas,” he says and Cas whimpers.

“Cas, baby, please come back to me.”

His fever goes up.

A month later, it’s not better. Dean only functions whenever Miracle forces him to. It’s been a while since Cas woke up to puke. Dean tries not to dwell on it. He spends his days laying in bed next to Cas, staring at a wall in silence. The only sound is Cas’ shallow breathing and Dean doesn’t know what to do.

He hasn’t really gotten Cas back and now he’s about to lose him again.

Why has Jack not shown up?

Doesn’t he care about them anymore?

He’s always said that he considered Cas to be his father, but does he just stop caring like that?

“Jack,” Dean whispers into the void, “please.”

Nobody answers him.

Castiel’s chest rattles.

A week later, Sam shows up. Dean has been trying to pretend that everything was going fine, just to avoid Sam coming here. Maybe he shouldn’t have given his brother a key.

“Dean,” Sam says sternly and Dean can barely lift his head. He doesn’t remember the last time he’s eaten something. He hopes he didn’t neglect Miracle too much.

“He’s sick, Sammy,” he rasps and Sam’s expression softens. He walks over to the bed and feels Cas’ temperature.

“Dean,” he says, “we have to bring him to a hospital.”

Dean shakes his head. “He’s an angel.”

“He needs help.”

Sam doesn’t understand. Dean’s afraid that they will understand that Cas isn’t human and take him away. They’ll take him away and Dean will never get to see him again and they’re going to conduct experiments on him and Cas won’t understand and he’ll be in pain and Dean wouldn’t be able to save him because he can’t overthrow the government and Cas will think that Dean gave him to these people and he’ll resent Dean and wish him the worst and wish he’d never pull Dean out of hell –

“Dean, breathe.”

Dean sobs loudly and starts to cry. He doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know what to do.

“Please, let me take care of you. Of both of you.”

Dean sobs and doesn’t argue. He can’t. He can’t do it anymore. If he loses Cas again, then – then...

Who knows what he’ll do.

“Your friend doesn’t have long.”

Dean barely understands the doctor. Castiel is filled up with that black goo stuff – his lungs, his stomach, everything. Jack still doesn’t show. Cas is dying, again, and Jack doesn’t care. It’s almost like there’s no change at all.

If Jack doesn’t even want to save his father, what good is he?

They give Cas an infusion. Sam asks if Dean can get one too but he refuses. He’s fine. He doesn’t need any help. He just wants to sit here, next to Cas and be with him until the very end. Just like last time. Dean reaches for Cas’ hand and holds it loosely in his own.

“I’m here,” he whispers, “I’m here.”

It’s empty. These words mean nothing. Dean hangs his head.

In the end, it didn’t matter.

Two days later, Castiel dies.

Dean has pamphlets. They gave him pamphlets but he hasn’t looked at them. He sits on his bed and stares out of the window. Sam has Miracle. Dean told him to take her. Castiel is in the morgue.

Why did this happen?

Why didn’t Jack come?

Dean prayed to him every waking second.

Why did Jack ignore him? Hands off or not – this is his father.

Dean doesn’t understand.

It makes no sense.

Maybe this is a dream. A terrible, terrible nightmare and Dean just has to find a way to wake up.

He remembers the nightmare djinns. It must be like that, right? Everything is just a dream and he just has to wake up.

Die.

He has to die to wake up.

And when he does, Cas’ll be there and he’ll be worried and hug him and Dean’ll hug him back and everything will be okay again.

Cas won’t be dead, then.

Dean gets up from the bed.

He walks over to the window and opens it. He bends forward and looks down. It would be quite the fall. But it’s going to be worth it. Down there, Cas will be waiting for him. If he imagines hard enough, then he can almost see Cas standing down there with open arms.

Dean smiles.

He’s safe.

His angel will catch him.

His angel will always catch him.

Dean closes his eyes.

His hands are shaking.

“Cas,” he whispers.

No matter what, at the end Cas will be there.

“Dean,” someone says and stops him.

He turns around.

“Jack.”

Dean steps away from the window and he can only stare. Jack is here. Why is Jack here now, when it’s pointless?

“I’m sorry,” Jack starts and Dean swallows down his anger. He wants to yell, he wants to scream and he wants to grab this kid and shake him. But he doesn’t. At least the kid looks guilty.

“Why didn’t you come sooner?” His voice is hoarse and Dean’s glad he didn’t yell. His voice would’ve given out.

“I heard you, I did, I swear. But Dean, I can’t fix the Empty. So I tried, I looked how to help Cas. I care about him, Dean, he’s my father. But I didn’t want to come here without a solution. If I would’ve come and would’ve said I can’t do anything, you would’ve lost hope immediately. I’m – I’m sorry that I’m late. But we can fix this, Dean. Look.”

Jack is holding something in his hands. He opens them somewhat so that Dean can take a peek. It’s glowing and Dean doesn’t know what it is.

“It’s a soul,” Jack says, “well, at least as much as I can make.”

Dean frowns.

“It will help Cas to battle the goo inside of him. The Empty has no dominion over souls, you know?”

Dean shakes his head. “Jack, he’s dead.”

Jack clenches his jaw. “And that’s why we save him.”

Dean looks at Jack’s hands. A soul. He doesn’t know what that means for Cas but if Jack is so sure it’ll save him... why shouldn’t they try?

It’s not like Cas could get anymore dead.

So he nods.

“Let’s go, then.”

It’s surprisingly easy to break into the morgue. Apparently they don’t really guard their dead and well – your kid being God probably helps too. Dean gets an uneasy feeling in this place. Cas is in one of these, dead. His hands start shaking again. But he has to pull through. For Cas.

For Cas.

With shaky legs, Dean walks over to the one that says “Castiel Winchester” on it and opens it. He takes a deep breath and pulls the gurney out. He closes his eyes. He doesn’t want to look. He doesn’t want to see Cas all pale; all dead. He doesn’t think he could take it.

“Dean,” Jack says and Dean’s eyes snap to him. He’s holding out his hands.

“It’s got to be you,” he says and on auto-pilot, Dean reaches out and takes this soul Jack is offering him. It feels warm in his hands. It feels a little bit like a baby bird.

“Cas,” he says and he feels as if the soul in his end flickers. “Come back to me.”

He holds his hands over Castiel’s chest, looking at Jack who nods. Dean nods back and presses the soul inside.

First, nothing happens and Dean wants to panic. He looks at Jack who’s frowning.

No no no no no no no this isn’t good. It’s not working, it’s not working –

Castiel tears his eyes open and he’s gasping for air, heaving dryly. Dean chokes down a sob, but Castiel grabs his own chest as if he’s struggling to breathe and his blue eyes fly to Jack. The kid just shakes his head and takes Castiel’s hand in his own.

“Fight it, Cas. I know you can do this. You’re stronger than it. You’re the only angel in all of existence that ever walked out of the Empty of his own will. Out of his own might. The Empty has no power over you – it never had. Why do you think it hated you so much?

It was afraid of you, Cas, because it knew only you could ever walk away from a confrontation. You’re the angel that defied and defied and defied again. The Empty can’t hold you. It never could. You were awake, and you found your own way out. Do you even know how much power that takes? How much will? And you did it.

You did this, with no help, no assistance, and you survived. The Empty followed you outside and you overpowered it. It tried to drag you down, again and again, but you kept fighting and you kept winning. I can only ever hope to be as strong as you, Cas.

You are Free Will. You’ve always been. Without you – without you, Chuck would’ve determined the ending. But he didn’t. Because you made us believe that we can choose our own path. That we can choose who we want to be.

You’re stronger than the Empty, Cas. It cannot defeat you.

You loved me, you believed in me, you supported me when I didn’t deserve it. You explained the world to me; and you made me see that it’s worth loving. The way you’d talk about a roadside flower and what a miracle it is, I – I saw the little things. I saw the things that make the world what it is. It’s not about the big battles, the big wins or even the big losses – it’s about the things you never appreciate. The roadside flower, the leaves on the trees or the rustling of the wind.

And with – with everything you said, I realised – I realised that you thought... that you believed you were lesser than these things. That the dirt on the ground deserved better than you. You praised everything – Sam, Dean, me, the world – but never yourself. You are the guy I look up to most because – because you’re so kind, and caring and full of love. I heard – I heard the birds sing and thought they must be singing about you. I saw flowers bloom and I thought they must be doing this for you.

You are so good, and so kind and I – I will make a world that appreciates you. I will make a world in which you are loved, unconditionally.

I love you, Cas. I’m sorry it took me so long.

The Empty can’t take you away from me. I won’t let it. You crawled your way back here again and again, and I will make sure that you’re rewarded.

You taught me I can choose my own destiny. That I can choose my own path. And you told me that I will forever be loved, no matter what. And you did. No matter what I did, you loved me. You loved me unconditionally, and I never appreciated it. I took it for granted but then I realised – you were never loved like that. You were never – you were never told that you are loved. But I do.

I do, and Sam does, and Dean does and so many more. You, of all people, deserve the world. And I’ll give it to you.

I love you, Cas. I’ll say it now, and I’ll say it a hundred times. You are loved, Castiel, now and forever.

And whatever sins you believe you committed – sins that you believe that cannot be forgiven – I give you absolution.

You are forgiven, Castiel. You were always forgiven.

I love you. I love you so, so much.

I can be God, I am, but... I can’t do it without you. What if I stop looking at the small things? What if I end up like Chuck? I need you, Cas. I need you to remind me of a fallen leaf, of a newborn bird. I need you to remind me of the wonders of the world.

You were always fighting. And most times, the enemy was yourself and nobody of us helped you. You’re stronger than I could ever hope to be.

You’re my father, Cas. Sam and Dean are so, so important to me, but – I’d pick you, every time. Now and forever, I will always pick you.”

Castiel squeezes Jack’s hand. “All I ever wanted,” he rasps, “is for you to be happy.”

“He’ll never fully recover,” Jack says after he got them all home. Dean holds Castiel tight to his chest. The angel is asleep but his breath isn’t rattling this time. He looks at Jack, unblinking.

“The soul,” Jack starts, “will help. But Dean, you have to understand that when Castiel made it out of the Empty, he took death with him. It’s not going to let him go. The – the sheer might it must’ve taken him to survive as long as he did, I...”

Jack stops and looks to the ground.

“I could never hope to be as strong as that. But now with the soul, his grace can draw strength from it. But it’s a weak soul. It’s... it’s just an imitation, but it’ll hold. He’ll get better; and in time, he’ll be walking around again.”

Jack turns and looks at them.

“He’s essentially human now, Dean. Not in the sense that he’ll die from old age, but in the terms that he needs to eat and sleep. He’ll probably get sick a lot, but he’ll be fine.”

“The black goo will never go away?”

Jack shakes his head.

“No. But with the soul, his grace is strong enough to keep it in check and keep all the internal organs working. I – I have to go now. But I’ll drop in whenever I can. Say hi to Sam for me and – tell Maria about me, too, okay? I’m excited to meet her someday soon.”

Jack smiles brightly and holds his hand up in a wave. “Bye, Dean,” he says and disappears.

Dean lets out a deep breath and gently places Castiel on the bed. Castiel is breathing quietly and really, Dean should call Sam and tell him but he’s just so tired.

When he crawls into bed next to Cas, he thinks about the people at the hospital. He forgot to ask Jack to remove their memories. It would work out, though, right? Cas is alive and he’s home and now he’s finally gonna get better.

Dean snuggles up next to Cas and vows to call Sam tomorrow. They’ll sort it out together. But right now, the only thing that matters is Castiel’s soft breathing and the knowledge that a soul shimmers inside him.

“I missed this,” Cas says when Dean opens his eyes. He’s been awake for a while at this point, but he had wanted to enjoy Castiel playing with his hair. It feels nice.

“You never played with my hair before,” Dean replies.

“No, but I missed watching you sleep. It’s very calming.”

Castiel’s voice sounds tired, but it doesn’t seem to pain him like it did before. Dean is glad. Now everything would work out. And even if Cas would be bedridden for the rest of Dean’s life, then that is okay too.

“You can watch me sleep forever then.”

Castiel laughs a bit but he ends in some light coughing.

“This goo,” Dean wonders, “will you really never be rid of it?”

Cas sighs. “No. I figure being in Heaven would help me. I might be able to get rid of it if I was able to tap into Heaven’s energy reserves, but I don’t want to go there now. The soul Jack made for me is going to suffice until it inevitability runs out.”

“It will run out?”

“Yes. All souls do, eventually, and this one even more so. I figure that after it’s done – it will just disappear. But by this point, decades should’ve passed and I’ll be able to go to Heaven.”

“You can’t go now?”

“Why would I?” Castiel replies while smiling against Dean’s hair. “Last I checked, you’re not in Heaven, and won’t be for a very long time. I’d rather be here with you, then waiting for you in Heaven.”

Damn, now Dean’s blushing.

Sam’s a bit upset when Dean calls him. He’s wanted to see Jack too, and he’s also worried about the hospital staff. Nobody’s called Dean yet so Dean has hope that Jack made them forget.

“Cas is alive,” Dean says because he thinks that maybe Sam didn’t hear him properly the first time.

“I... yes. You said, I just... I can’t believe it. I didn’t even think... it’s amazing. How... how is he doing? Is he conscious? Can he talk at all?”

“Yeah. Jack said he’s probably gonna be sick for the rest of his life, but he’ll be able to move around again.”

Dean is in his kitchen; and Cas is asleep in the bed. It feels surreal. It feels like someone’s gonna pinch him in the arm and wake him up and then Cas is still gonna be dead and they’re still in the hunting life and then they go on a hunt just for one of them to die.

But that’s not gonna happen.

Their hunting days are finally over.

“Can we come over?”

Dean looks around. Them coming here might be better than hauling Cas into the car. Cas just came back so he might get tired more easily.

“Only if you bring the dog. I don’t think Cas has properly met her yet and that’s a crime.”

Over the line, Sam laughs. “Yes, we’ll bring the dog. We’ll be there in about half an hour. Prepare to hold a crying baby, Dean.”

“Oh, it just feels like yesterday when I was wiping your dirty ass.”

Sam hangs up and Dean grins.

There’s hope for a future in his heart and for the first time, he’s not afraid of it. Things will get better and they’ll start getting better now.

Cas made it to the couch when Sam and Eileen arrive. As per Sam’s promise, Maria is crying her heart out and Dean feels sorry for Sam. Eileen, God bless her, probably doesn’t hear the crying too much. Dean guesses it’s Sam who gets up in the middle of the night, judging by his face. Dean grins and bends down to greet Miracle. Man, he’s missed her.

“Cas,” Sam says and Cas responds in kind. In the corner of his eye, Dean can see that Cas tries to get up from the couch but decides against it in the last moment.

Eileen walks right over and plops herself and her baby next to him. “Your niece,” she says and Cas smiles at the baby who stopped crying when she spotted Cas.

“Hello, Maria,” Cas says. Maria blinks in his direction and after some thought, reaches out for him.

Cas takes her easily and puts her in his lap.

“Have you been keeping for father up?”

Maria wiggles her arms.

“You know, for all I missed, I’m glad Jack decided to skip the toddler phase. I wonder what happened to all the diapers I bought. My doula classes were very unhelpful with my son but they might come in handy with you, hm?”

Maria smiles brightly and starts whipping in Cas’ lap.

“Hm. I guess I can be Big Blue if you want.” He boops her nose. “But then you have to be Little Cutie.”

Maria blinks at him, then laughs and claps her hands. She turns her head to her mom and brabbles to her and Eileen just smiles.

“You speak Baby, Cas?” Sam asks and Cas turns his head.

“No. Babies don’t use words like we do; it’s more of a... sense. A feeling if you will. They can’t think in complete sentences yet. It’s along the lines of Sad because hungry. Upset because dirty. Happy because play. Happy because friend. Like that.”

Cas smiles and lifts Maria up and she giggles.

“Guess she found a friend in you, huh?”

“That she did.”

Dean isn’t surprised when Castiel and Miracle get along splendidly. As soon as the dog warms up to the angel, Dean is permanently degraded to giver of food and honestly, he’s not even mad at that. Miracle keeps Cas company when Dean has to go to work and they even go on walks together – never very far in the beginning because Cas still has to get his legs under him but the important bit is that Miracle makes Cas leave the bed or the couch.

There are days, sometimes more and sometimes less, where Castiel is sad. Dean knows that that word is probably an understatement, but he doesn’t want to call it depression – it’s too big of a word and Dean’s afraid of it.

There are days when Castiel’s body just refuses everything and anything. Cas doesn’t want to see or hear Dean on these days and Dean respects that. He wants to be there, but his presence is upsetting Cas way too much.

Cas isn’t used to being sick and somewhere deep down Dean thinks he remembers. Cas needs to be useful. And on these days, he’s not useful at all. But Dean doesn’t know how to tell Cas that it’s okay. He doesn’t know how to make Cas understand that he doesn’t have to be useful. No words that Dean could come up with seem good enough for him. So he stays silent and he knows it’s not the right thing to do.

Cas gets sick at least one time a month, sometimes more. He’s always sick for at least two days, battling fever and puking up goo. Dean’s terrified every single time.

“I’m fine,” Cas says every time and Dean wants to believe him.

I love you, he wants to tell him but he’s afraid.

He’s not sure what he’s afraid of.

Cas cries at night sometimes and Dean pretends not to hear.

Cas has nightmares sometimes and Dean sleeps on the couch.

He doesn’t understand himself.

“Dean,” Cas says one day just after his bad days ended.

“I know you don’t love me. It’s alright. I’ve accepted that. It doesn’t change what I feel, how I feel. You are – I’ve never met someone like you. There have been others that have fascinated me, but – but I’ve only ever watched them from a distance. I was never inclined to come closer, to get to know them, to have them know me. I was content just watching them from afar, learning about them and studying them from my high perch.

But you –

I wasn’t supposed to get involved. I was supposed to tell you your part in the Apocalypse and then I was – I guess I was supposed to die. But you were, well, you and it made me rethink. I wondered if you were right, if people could actually choose their own destinies.

And Sam – Sam as the Boyking of Hell, the true vessel of Lucifer, I expected him to be evil, I expected him to be malicious, but he wasn’t. Sam was good and kind and brave and the small spot of darkness was a stain on him, but then he’s only human and it didn’t even matter.

And I saw that I was wrong and I thought – I thought maybe Dean is right. Maybe this is a story we can choose for ourselves.

Maybe this could be a story that doesn’t end with humanity wiped out. Maybe this is a story that ends differently as it was foretold. I wanted to believe. I wanted to have faith in what you said and – and so I did.

I know you never had faith in me, but I had faith in you and – I never really stopped. People getting to choose their own lives, their own destinies, their own ends – it just had never been in the cards. Everything had always served a bigger plan; always aiming to getting closer to the one true end when there was so much more.

I’ve had people believe in me; when in the same breath they defied God himself. You’re here, they’d say, he is not.

And they were right. I was there; and he was not. I always wondered if our path was the right one – after all, who’d stop us if we were wrong? We’d listen to no one but God himself, so who would’ve been able to halt us in our wake? But still, I followed my orders and whenever I saw fit, I’d tweak them, just a little.

I’d let a child go. I’d give an old man a few more minutes to say good-bye. I’d save the mother giving birth. I’d do these things and I got punished for them and I’d falter. What if I did something wrong? What if I altered the big plan? What if the ending would never come as it had been planned? And maybe –

Maybe it didn’t. Maybe the mother I saved changed something. Maybe the old man saying good-bye gave closure to someone. Maybe the child I let go grew up to influence someone they were never meant to meet. Who can tell?

I realised something so small can change the world. Maybe it won’t change the world as a whole but someone’s world will be different.

But the point is: I went against my orders and every time, I got punished for it. And then I met you, and you went against your orders and I couldn’t see you getting punished. And I thought, maybe you had the right path. Maybe wrong decisions get punished and right decisions do not. So I decided to follow you. I decided to follow the path you were carving.

And then you left the path, so I decided to keep walking on it because to me, it was the right path to take. And I was right. Every time I got punished, I knew I was doing the right thing. They were wrong; and I was right.

They wanted to reverse me, they wanted to change me by any means possible but I didn’t let them. Even when they succeeded, I didn’t let them take you away from me. You allowed me to change, Dean, you allowed me to be who I’m really meant to be. And for that –

For that, I’ll forever be grateful. I was right. There was a better way and they were proven wrong. I’m – maybe I’m still defective. Maybe I’ll always be wrong, and broken, and useless. But if that’s who I am, then – then so be it.

I am – I was always ashamed of myself. Why couldn’t I be like the others? Why couldn’t I follow orders like them? Why was I so different? And no matter how hard I tried, no matter what I did, I – I was always the outsider. The one that didn’t belong, not really, and –

And when I was with you, that didn’t change. I was still the outsider, I was still different. Not in the same way, sure, but still, I didn’t belong. I’ll never do. I’ll never belong anywhere, because maybe there’s no place for me after all.

But – I wasn’t supposed to be here at all. I was supposed to be dead. I’ve died again and again and I came back, again and again because – because I wasn’t done yet. There’s still more. It made me think that maybe I have a purpose. That I have a reason for living, no matter how small it might be. And I always wanted –

I always wanted to make you feel safe. I always wanted to be the guy you could trust in. I wanted you to call me, I wanted you to need me. I needed you to want me, but maybe you never did and that’s okay.

I’m here now. And once I’m – once I’m better, I’ll be on my way. I’ll find something to do. I’ll find a place where I can be useful but until I’m strong enough for that – maybe it’s okay if I stay a little bit longer?”

There’s something here, Dean knows that. There’s something here he’s supposed to say, some clever line, some heartfelt comment, but – but he doesn’t know.

Dean hears I don’t want to go.

So he says: “I don’t want you to go.”

And maybe that was the right thing to say after all.

#supernatural #Destiel #castiel #dean winchester #writing #Sam Winchester #eileen leahy #angst #hurt #hurt/comfort #brief character death #Jack Kline #irrlicht writes #fix-it #spn fix it #spn 15x20 #fanfiction #userpris

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talpup · 3 years

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Summary: Yami Sukehiro just wanted to join the Magic Knights and make his mentor proud. He knew there would be trails. He knew trouble would come his way. Knew he would be faced with discrimination for being a foreigner and a peasant. What he didn’t know. Didn’t expect. Was that literal Chaos would come his way. That he and his mentor’s sister would be at the center of world ending trouble. Or that he would fall in love with his mentor’s sister and face more than discrimination; but the jealousy of Nozel Silva who loved the same woman he did.

Please remember this fic is rated mature and has warnings of violence, abuse, sexual tension, sexual behavior, and other possible triggers. For a full list of story tags please check the fics AO3 (link to that at the top of my tumblrs homepage).

Doing a double update this week for two reasons. One of which is because I’m really excited to share chapter 101. A LOT will be going down next chapter.

Chapter 100

Yami rubbed his eyes, tired from the late night spent in Jax’s office. The secret meeting had felt like it would never end, everyone talking and theorizing about all they had learned. Yami could’ve kissed Greywright when the Commander called an end to it saying it was getting them nowhere. Exhausted from the long day and troubled sleep of the night before, Yami couldn’t have agreed more. The meetings talk had devolved into a mess of words that had left his mind fogged and dizzy.

Having told Jax he would fill Bran in on the rest in the morning, Yami had taken the younger man out for a ride to do exactly that. Jax hadn’t been happy. The Captain was protective of his squad and didn’t like another member being brought in and endangered by all this. Jax hadn’t been much happier about Yami going out for a ride either; but had relented now knowing the cause of Yami’s added aggression, and wanting to help in away way he could.

Back from their ride, Yami latched the gate behind Pilfer. “Any questions?”

“Too many.” Bran stepped back from No Name’s closed kennel. After hearing the whole of it all, his mind was even more fried than it had been after last nights meeting.

“Any questions I can answer.” Yami clarified.

Bran thought a moment, nothing and everything flipping through his mind at once. He shook his head. “None that I can formulate or think of now.”

Yami nodded, understanding. If Bran hadn’t been overwhelmed from sitting in on last nights meeting, he certainly was now. “If you do have any don’t go bugging Teris or Jax.”

“Does that mean I come to you?” Bran asked, a little too eagerly.

Yami nearly said no; but he was the one who had brought Bran in on this. He was responsible for the kid now. As if he hadn’t felt responsible enough for Bran before, what with being Vice Captain and the way Bran looked up to him.

Giving a nod, Yami grumbled. “So long as you aren’t a nuisance.”

“I won’t be.” Bran promised.

“I know it was said last night and I stared with it. But you really can’t tell anyone. Family. Friends. Sir Jorah. Anyone.”

“I know. I won’t.”

Thinking of how poorly he and Teris had masked their own knowledge about Ellara when faced with the Advisor a few weeks ago, Yami told. “And no letting on that you know. So stay well away from Olsen, Iban, and Ellara if you can’t act dumb.”

Before Yami could say that he should stay away from Iban and Ellara regardless, Bran told.

“I can act dumb! I’m real good at it.” Bran grimaced.

Yami chuckled and turned to the path that led up to the house. “Come on. Let’s get inside. I’m hungry.”

100.2

Jon turned the corner to see a squad member leading Jax down the hall.

“On your way to see Captain Julius, Captain?” Jon questioned.

Jax turned, his escort doing the same.

“I’ll take Captain Jax, Fragil. I’m on my way there anyway.”

Fragil nodded and left the two men, going about her business.

Pulling up beside Jax, Jon utterly softly. “You all must’ve learned something really important or disturbing last night. I woke up early this morning to find Captain Julius in his study surround by books. Don’t think he ever went to bed.”

“I didn’t go to bed either.” Jax yawned. “And it was both important and disturbing. How are things with Kess?”

“You say you learned something important and disturbing enough that you and Captain Julius didn’t go to sleep, yet are asking me about the Silver Eagles Captain?”

“No. I’m asking about your new betrothed who just so happens to be the Silver Eagles Captain.” At Jon’s look, Jax shrugged. “What? Someone elses troubles help take my mind off mine.”

“What makes you think the engagement is troubled? And how did you hear of it? We were only just betrothed yesterday afternoon.” Jon’s eyes narrowed. “Have you and my Captain been gossiping again?”

Jax smirked. “News like this travels faster than Wild Fire in a windstorm. So, are congratulations or sympathies an order?”

Jon gritted his teeth and opened his Captain's private study door.

“Stop!” Julius spun around, hand outstretched.

Jax stopped in mid-step.

Julius quickly created a time sphere for all inanimate objects in the room, freezing them in place. “Alright. It’s safe now.”

“Are you sure about that? Julius, what…” Jax slowly stepped inside, concerned eyes looking about the room.

Jon followed in the Black Bulls Captain's wake. He quickly closed the door behind, not wanting any servants or squad members who might pass to see the manic mess. And it was a mess. Books were piled as high as a man was tall. Countless tomes laid strewn open over each other, covering every surface from tables to chairs to the backs and arms of a sofa. There were even a couple books precariously balanced on a pot, crushing some poor plant. But it was the scrolls and loose leaf papers that really made the scene. They were scattered everywhere. Apparently out of room Julius had begun laying pages out on the floor. And when that wasn’t enough, he had taken to tacking things on the wall and pinning them to the curtains.

“Julius! What the--” Jax tripped over the curled part of a scroll, Julius’ spell making it immovable. The Black Bulls Captain cursed, taking several steps to steady himself.

“I had Marx transcribe what Bran overheard, and what the History of Chaos said about the portrait, along with what Teris read from Captain Shadow’s journal.” Julius said, as if that explained the state of his private study.

Jon looked between the two Captain's. “She was able to read it?”

Jax frowned. He was going to tell his friend that it still didn’t explain all this, but Julius spoke first.

“I can’t believe you let Teris keep Captain Shadow’s journal.” Julius said, neither man acknowledging Jon’s question.

Jax shrugged a shoulder. “Seemed reasonable since she’s the only one who can read the hidden message.”

Reasonable as it was, Julius wasn’t having it. “But you know how she is. What if she--”

“Became obsessed and stayed awake all night, littering the floor with paper and pinning things to the walls?” Jax cut in over his friend, looking pointedly around the room.

“I know about the journal you found.” Julius said, reasoning his behavior.

Jax made a face, feeling both guilty and grateful he hadn’t been able to tell Yami about the journal two days ago when Yami had called him out on holding a secret. “I’m going to tell them.”

“You can’t. Teris will--”

“Do the same as you and make a mess of the general study at my base?” Jax questioned over Julius. “Maybe. But we promised those two no more secrets. More than that, Teris and Yami have the History of Chaos. After what we learned last night. Given what you and Greywright came to suppose after I found that journal Iban told me about… What if you and Greywright are right?”

Julius’ eyebrows pulled together. He didn’t like Jax thinking he was right. He didn’t want to be right. It had been a crazy theory at the time. It was still a crazy thought. Just because what they had learned last night further pointed to such a possibility didn’t make the idea any less insane. But given everything else; talk of Chaos and primordial forces, and crazy zealots who wanted to end everything to start a new beginning. Was the notion that they were dealing with someone that old really that insane?

Sighing, Julius relented. “Fine. But at least wait a couple days. Give them tomorrow off to relax and unwind. They’ll need it.”

100.3

Ready for a nap after a hearty lunch, Yami entered Teris’ makeshift office. He shook his head, seeing her bent over Captain Shadow’s journal exactly as he figured she would be. “You gonna obsess over that thing all day?”

“I’m rereading, not obsessing.” Teris muttered, without lifting her head.

“What obsessive freaks like you and Julius call rereading. Normal folk call obsessing.” Yami teased.

“You’re far from normal, Sukehiro.”

Yami smirked, hearing the smile in her voice. He pushed aside the journal Jax should've taken away from her last night and set a plate of food in front of her.

“Hey!” Teris complained, reaching for the diary. Seeing the food, her brows furrowed. “What’s this?”

Yami leaned back against the table. “What’s it look like?”

“Lunch.” Teris’ eyes widened. “It’s lunch time?”

“Past.” Yami crossed his arms and stared down at her. “See what I mean about obsessing?”

Teris’ stomach grumbled. She blushed.

Chuckling, Yami encouraged. “Dig in.”

“Thanks.”

Yami kissed her head, hand smoothing her hair. “I’m gonna take a nap. If you’re not at the table for supper, I’m coming in here and burning that thing.”

“You wouldn’t.” Teris said with certainty.

Yami righted, hand falling to his side. “Try me.”

Feeling less certain, Teris turned in her seat to look at him. Finding his expression void of taunting or humor, she complained. “You’re terrible.”

A small grin cracked Yami’s somewhat stern expression. “Yet you choose to be with me. What’s that say about you?”

“That I’m either a fool or glutton for punishment.” Teris half grumbled, half played.

“Well I know you’re no fool. As for punishment...” Yami’s eyes raked over her, crooked smile growing. “The only punishment I’d ever give would be pleasurable for the both of us.”

100.3.2

Yami closed the door to Teris’ makeshift office feeling a light-hearted ease despite all they’d learned last night. After teasing Teris like that and seeing her beautiful blush, how could he not? Teris was capable of making all his troubles disappear with a single smile. She--

Yami’s footsteps stopped as he passed the narrow door of the servants stairs. “I told you to stay away from Teris. What are you doing sulking around her?”

“I’m not here for Teris. Why do you think I let you sense my presence?” Iban stepped out of the dark opening that led down to his lab.

Yami turned, watching the Blood Mage appear out of the enclosed stairwell.

Iban looked Yami over and tisked. “You really are having a time of it aren’t you?”

“A time of what?” Yami asked. Even without Bran having overheard the conversation between Iban and Ellara, it was always better to play dumb and hope Iban would give further information for free.

Iban stalked closer. “You don’t have to pretend with me, Vice Captain. I can help.”

Yami would’ve rested his hand on the hilt of his katana; but he rarely carried the weapon around the house. Instead he placed a hand on his left hip. “I already told you never to mention that dark magic ritual of yours to me again.”

“I am not speaking of the communicative dreams with the page of Chaos. I am speaking about the trouble you are currently having with the Darkness building within you. ” Iban said.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Creepy.”

“So that dark, consuming pull I feel is not beginning to effect your temper?” Iban questioned. “At first I thought it was simply because you have such a short temper as it is. But I was wrong. The force within you is greater.”

“Greater?”

“Greater than the Light that is within--”

Yami snarled, daring Iban to say Teris’ name.

Iban smiled and went on. “I think the Darkness within you is far greater than Alowishus Spade could have ever imagined.”

“But you can help.” Yami supplied with a huff.

Iban gave a single nod.

Yami’s lip twitched in another sneer. “You wanna help? Tell me about this Darkness that’s supposedly building inside me. Way is it so much stronger? What do the Agents of Chaos want with it? What do they have planned for the Winter Solstice?”

“Sorry, Vice Captain. Such answers are far too costly.”

If it weren’t for what Bran had overheard, Yami would've thought Iban was referring to the price it would’ve cost him. But now he knew otherwise. Alowishus Spade had forced Iban into some sort of vow of silence; and the the cost the Blood Mage was referring to was the cost to lives of Iban’s family.

“There’s people working on it. I don’t need your help.” Yami gruffed.

“Who? Captain Jax and Commander Greywright?” Iban’s eyes glimmered in the dim hall light. “Our Captain and Knights Commander are highly capable men. But this is so far from their field of expertise. No doubt that is why the Captain has not told you of the assistance I gave him several weeks back. Because Captain Jax has deferred to Captain Julius. And the Azure Deers Captain is overly protective of his little sister, and protege.”

Yami’s eyes narrowed wondering what he was talking about.

“No doubt you mean Captain Julius and Senior Investigations Mage Marx are working on it.” Iban went on. “Such great scholarly minds might be able to find something that may be of assistance. But will they find it in time? And will it help enough? I can feel the force seeping from your seams. It is like the pressure of an oncoming storm. Ready to burst and wash us away at any moment.” He tilted his head, staring Yami in the eye. “I wonder which you will do first. Kill everything in sight, including your friends. Or head straight to Teris to--” His words cut off in a gurgle.

Hand around Iban’s throat, Yami growled. “Say her name again and I’ll end you.”

“I—be—lieve—oo.” Iban choked.

It was a fight for Yami to force his hand to release the Blood Mage. He stepped back, corded muscles trembling with bridled energy. Never had he moved so fast without mana skin. He could have killed Iban. He had wanted to kill him. The only thing that had stopped him was a small lingering voice of reason. And that voice was quickly fading. Iban was right. He would soon lose control to the force inside him. He had to get a handle on this or else…

Yami looked down the hallway toward Teris’ makeshift office. He could sense her mana as bright as any ships warning beacon. Never before had he worried at how her mana called to him, but he started to now.

Regaining his breath, Iban followed Yami’s gaze. “She may be able to stop you. Call you back as she did once before. But do you really want to put her through that? To take the chance that she will be unable to? That you will devour her and destroy everything in sight?”

“I don’t want your help.” Yami rumbled.

Iban heard the conflict in his voice. “This one will not cost you, Vice Captain. After all it is a form of self preservation.”

Tempted as Yami was, there was one thing stopping him. “No doubt it entails black magic.”

“Yes.” Iban admitted. “It is unavoidable. After all it is black magic that is causing this. Or have you deluded yourself into believing that things Alowishus Spade is doing, including the rituals he put her through and has in store for you, is nothing but benign sanctioned magic.”

Yami glared and told again. “I don’t want or need your help.”

“I admire a man who doesn’t want to dabble in black magic.”

Yami looked skeptically at Iban.

“What? I do.” Iban exhaled, slowly. “That said. In this instance. You either get your hands dirty with black magic. Or you will see them soaked with blood.”

“You would like that, wouldn’t you?”

“What? Seeing you tainted by using black magic? Or seeing you stained in the blood of your friends?”

Yami ground his teeth, wishing Iban would stop calling such images to mind. “This force inside me is connected or part of my magic and mana, right? Why can’t I just use so much mana a day and stop it from overflowing?”

“That might work for a time.” Iban said.

Yami growled. Julius had given the same answer when Yami suggested it during last nights meeting.

“There is a mana source that could be of help. But I am fairly certain you would be even less likely to accept his assistance than you would mine.”

“Why?” Yami asked.

“Why Spade’s mana? He is Death. The father of Darkness.”

Yami almost ask how Alowishus Spade’s mana could be of help but it didn’t matter. Instead, he asked. “Why me? Teris didn’t have this problem.”

“Your counterpart is not a third seventh born son. Nor does she wield three types of magic from three different worlds. She is from this land. In tune to this lands magic. Her ties are deep. The roots of House Nova’s bloodline goes back further than the Clover Kingdom itself. The family one of the oldest this land has.”

Frowning, Yami shook his head. “I wield no magic from other worlds.”

“Do you not?” Iban questioned.

“My homeland has no magic.”

Iban sighed, annoyed at Yami’s small mindedness. “I am not here to convince you of your unique power, but to offer you a way to deal with the force growing inside you.”

“I said no.” Yami growled, wanting to pummel Iban till the answer got through his thick head.

“Very well. You know where to find me when you change your mind.”

Yami watched Iban turn back toward the servants stairwell, presumably to return his labs. A nagging worry made him call out in question. “What happens if we manage to stay out of the Agents of Chaos’ grasp and their sick ritual doesn’t go down? Do I stay like this? Does the force inside me continue to build until it takes over completely? Or will it just go back to normal?”

Iban looked over his shoulder wearing a crooked smirk. “It is both cute and sad that you think you have a chance of evading them. The man is Death. One would think that you would have grasped at least that by now. You cannot avoid Death, Yami Sukehiro. In the end, Death will always have its way.”

100.4

Olsen’s smile grew at the sound of rowdy banter coming from the dining hall. He heard Venice ask about tomorrows plans and something made him stop short. As a gentleman, Olsen made a point never to eavesdrop. Especially when a lady was talking. It didn’t matter that Venice's question might not be addressed to anyone in particular. Or that the rest of the squad was likely at the table making the conversation far from private. It was still unchivalrous.

Yet Olsen had no control over himself as he inched quietly closer, and listened in, eyes unfocused.

100.4.2

“I’m not sure.” Teris answered Venice's question.

“You should take the day off.” Jax encouraged from his seat.

Teris turned to the Captain. “Really?”

“Yeah. You both should.” Jax said, looking to Yami who sat to his left. He smiled, pleased Venice had given him a way to go about Julius’ ask without raising too much suspicion. The Azure Deers Captain had been right, of course. Whether he was going to tell Yami and Teris about the journal the day after tomorrow or not; his Vice Captain's needed a days break.

Yami’s eyes narrowed. Jax had managed to get the entire squad, save for Iban, two days off little less than a month ago for Vanessa’s birthday party. Encouraging them to take a day off so soon after that seemed suspect.

“What are you playing at?” Yami asked.

“Nothing!” Jax assured, his tone and expression affirming the answer for the lie it was.

Seated to Yami’s left, Tobin nudged him with an elbow. “Don’t go questioning an offer of a day off.”

Yami’s hand curled into a fist. He didn’t want to hit his friend; but these days there was a constant underlying urge to hit something. And, playful or not, Tobin’s nudge nearly had him doing so.

He noticed the way Iban watched him, gold eyes shining. Yami’s hand twitched wanting to wipe the smug, knowing smirk off the Blood Mage’s face. Swallowing, Yami forced his hand open. It didn’t matter if expending a sizable amount of mana wouldn’t work long term. He just needed something to help right now.

“Jack’s been bugging me about going over to the Green Mantis base for a day of sparring.” Yami eyed Tobin. “You game?”

“For squashing that gangly bug? Do you even have to ask?” Tobin grinned.

“That means Teris and I can have a girls day.” Venice enthused.

“It’s been far too long since we’ve had one of those.” Teris said, excited by the thought.

Looking at Venice over the rim of his cup, Jax said. “I find it amusing you and Tobin think you’re getting tomorrow off.”

Abril laughed at Venice's expression.

“Abril will cover for me.” Venice volunteered the other girl.

Abril laughed all the louder.

Jax shook his head. “She can’t. I let her and Bran have tomorrow off a week ago.”

Venice's head snapped to Abril. “What are you two doing?”

“Going to Raque to see Ricte.” Abril answered.

Bran glanced nervously at Gendry. While Gendry frowned at Abril.

“What happened to Ricte worked and couldn’t have any ol’ day off?” Teris asked, protective of Abril.

“Oh! I wanna go to Raque! I haven’t been in so long.” Venice whined.

Thinking Teris wouldn’t have much of a day off without her friend. Never mind that he didn’t want her going out alone. Jax sighed and told Venice. “Fine. You and Tobin can have the day off.”

“I don’t care about Tobin. I just want to go to Raque with Teris.” Venice said.

“Hey.” Tobin complained.

Venice looked at Teris. “You good with spending the day at Raque?”

“A day at the beach sounds grand.” Teris smiled.

“Almost as grand as Gendry and I kicking Jack and Tobin’s ass’s.” Yami said, in attempt at cheering Gendry.

“Hey!” Tobin complained again.

Rolling his eyes, Jax submitted to Yami’s sly addition of Gendry getting a day off. “So long as Iban and Olsen stick around in case a mission order comes in and actual work needs to be done.”

100.4.3

Eyes still unfocused, Olsen quietly exited the house. He created a cloud of water vapor and took to the air, having a sudden explicable and overwhelming need to see Ellara.

Comments are VERY MUCH appreciated and really make my day. Thank you to those who have left hearts. And a special THANK YOU to those who have recently commented or re-blogged. It really means a lot.

I’ve worried for a while that readers would have a hard time keeping everything with the Chaos plot straight given the long, slow draw of that plot and it seems a that worry has come to life. Below is a list of Alowishus’ past lives. If any of you would be interested in a list of chapter and scenes where the Chaos plot is prevalent please let me know, all it would take is a slight amendment to my personal fic notes.

Fin Spade – 1st life, son of Erin (who was Yurist's son) and Mira Spade; Fin was the one who stole the Future of Chaos out of labyrinth #297,353 only having it for a short time before Erin stole it back and "joined" it where it would be safe. Some years later Fin killed his father Erin at a placed known as the Dais.

Garo Belin – 2nd life, son of a middling merchant family; After starting to remember his past life as Fin and thinking he was going crazy, Garo went to the Dais (the place where the geyser labyrinth will eventually be, and currently is in fics timeline). There Garo found Erin Spade's skull and died doing the spell that put Erin’s soul in the skull.

?? – 3rd life; remembered 1st & 2nd lives when he was 10yrs. Collected Erin Spade’s skull that Garo spelled, and finally got some answers from Erin. Because of that he found a purpose that the other incarnations have worked toward and built upon. He's also the one who created what is now known as the Agents of Chaos; and is the one who was/is still called the "Master of Master's".

?? – 4th life

?? – 5th life

Everard Spade – 6th life; was Master of the Agents of Chaos; Captain Shadow killed him 3yrs before she was locked in the geyser labyrinth. Jax currently has his old journal thanks to Iban telling him where to look.

Alowishus Spade – 7th life, currently 380yrs; spent several adult years working on his own before rejoining the Agents of Chaos. Challenged and killed Alric (Iban's third great grandfather) for the right to be Master of the Agents of Chaos.

*Note: thanks to learning and using corpse magic, Alowishus is by FAR the longest lived of all his lives. His second longest life was his 1st incarnation Fin who lived 77yrs.

Next chapter snippet:

“We’ll sort that out later. For now surrender and come with me, and I will see no one gets harmed.”

“And who might you be?” Teris asked.

“Commander Fanzell.” Fanzell said.

It was then that Teris noticed the diamond on his grimoire.

#yami sukehiro #julius novachrono #Black Clover #light in the darkness

4 notes · View notes

ahh-fxck · 3 years

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Chapter 11 of Warrior’s Blues: What Would I Do Without You?

Folks, I am so excited. I finally get to present to you the next chapter of Warrior’s Blues! This chapter (and the following two) have been a labor of love. @stressedspidergirlsfandomblog, editor and co-creator of this fic, thank you for all your hard work and insight!! Ok folks, here it is:

Chapter 11: What Would I Do Without You?

Yennefer's visit throws Jaskier for a hard loop. His best friend helps him sort it out. Best Friend Rating of the Geralt Incident? 10/10 top notch Jaskier fuckery. She loves her disaster queer.

CW for drinking, smoking, implied death of an original character, grieving

Please let me know if you’d like to be tagged (or untagged!) for future updates of this story!

@astouract @smolpoe @yes-im-the-violin-girl @ladyknight-keladry

On the day of Yennefer’s visit, Jaskier arrives at work on a bicycle. He’s late and on a bicycle for the same reason, which is to say, he is drunk and cannot drive his car. He is drunk because he’d been so full of mixed emotions after Yennefer left that he’d sat down to eat the rest of the fruit and whipped cream. Somewhere in there, it had seemed like a brilliant idea to pour half a bottle of bourbon after it.

It was not. Luckily for him, the person working the bar tonight is Julia.

She is a stocky woman in her mid-forties. She has tawny skin and skeptical hazel eyes, and there’s a kind twist to her lips that she often hides. She has a tuft of cropped blue hair and wears a denim vest with a white t-shirt. Even though she is exasperated when he staggers through the door, she feeds him a sandwich and coffee while she fills him in on the meeting he missed. From there, she lets the crew in for the night.

Jaskier feels like the whole world is an itchy sweater, even after the sandwich and coffee. It’s like his brain is on fire, and he can’t quite settle into the usual friendly chatter that his job requires. He passes an irritable and lonely night out by the door. By the time it’s time to clock out most of the staff is eager to clear out from underfoot; Jaskier is a great boss, but when his nearly infinite good humor runs out he can be a real asshole.

The only one who doesn’t give a fuck is Julia. She knew from the second she saw him wheeling in the door that it was going to be a late night, so she lets the rest of the staff out before pouring herself a big glass of gin. Then she settles her elbows against the bar, watching Jaskier mop the dancefloor. He is flailing wildly with the mop, clearing the floor with brutal inefficiency. Internally she begins to count down the time until he knocks the bucket over. Sure enough, a moment later he does just that. She nods in satisfaction, pleased that her timing is still on point.

Jaskier throws his head back and lets out a shout of pure frustration as his poorly-contained feelings boil over at last. Julia smirks and grabs a bunch of towels, then ambles over to him and starts tossing them on the floor to soak up the mess.

As she does so she says nothing, but the look she gives him makes him feel transparent. Jaskier avoids her eyes as he tosses some towels down onto the puddle.

Julia gives a little harrumph, unimpressed, bending to help him clear the towels away. They right the bucket and clean the floor in silence. When they’re done, she turns to him and gives him a long look.

“So… What’s eating you?”

Jaskier grumbles and straightens. “Nothing.” He hauls the bucket away, fills it with water, and returns. Without making eye contact he begins to mop again.

Julia hums, crossing her arms. “Yeah, and nothing made you stink like bourbon, too. Cough it up.” She leans against a nearby wall, giving him a skeptical look. He looks at her from under the fringe of hair that has fallen over his face. Something about the wide-eyed, guilty glances that he keeps shooting her makes him look sixteen again. She smirks. “I think you wanna tell me but you’re embarrassed, so how about I start making guesses?”

Going pale, Jaskier groans. “Why are you so hell-bent on pushing my buttons?” The last thing he wants is Julia making guesses about what is bothering him. She has a terrible habit of being accurate and she has a memory like an elephant.

“Because you’re not a dumbass kid anymore and you haven’t shown up drunk in years. You missed an important meeting! What the fuck, Jaskier? Don’t make me call you Julian, I swear to fucking god I’ll break out your birth name.”

“Julia…!” Jaskier protested. “I d-”

“Julian Alfred P-”

“Fine! Stop! Oh my god, you are merciless!” Jaskier cries, but secretly he’s glad that she cares enough to needle him. He stops and holds the mop for a moment, blowing his hair out of his eyes as he gathers his thoughts. Then he starts pushing it across the floor again. “I’m sure you heard about the man who rescued Pride this year.”

“Heh, I feel like I’ve met him. Yarpen won’t shut up. Heard from him recently?” She narrows her eyes at him, sure that she’s about to hear some sort of horny idiot story.

Jaskier blushes hotly, confirming Julia’s suspicions. “Well, funny thing about that.”

“What did you do now?” Julia asks, smirking. She retreats to the bar and picks up her tumbler of gin, then lights a cigarette.

“We-e-elll…” Jaskier prevaricates.

Julia gives him a long look, and he folds.

“Um, so I might have brought him back to my house after Pride.”

Julia barks a short laugh. “Color me not surprised. What’s the problem? Is he why you were wearing that birdy when you came in?”.

Jaskier’s flush deepens. “I meant to take that off before his wife showed up. After that my day got all sort of… muddled.”

“You mean you got chewed out and then got drunk, right?”

“No! You know what, Julia? She yelled at me when I met her in the hospital, but when she came to my house she was…” He pauses, seeing the bewildered look on Julia’s face. “All right, let me back up and explain. He broke his hand, and I had to take him to the hospital. Two weeks later we go for his followup appointment and his wife is there waiting for him. Tracked him down all the way from fucking England! Got the third degree from her there, but the wildest part is, she showed up at my house the next day to talk. About me dating him.”

Julia laughs again, harder and longer. “What the fuck, Jaskier?”

Despite himself, Jaskier breaks into a rueful grin.“Right? Seriously though Julia. If I talk to you about this it stays strictly between you and me, got it? All of it. He’s in the closet and no one else here needs to know any of this.”

“You got it. No gossip. Your secrets are my secrets.” Julia smiles crookedly, sipping at the last of her gin. She’s been keeping Jaskier’s shit to herself since he was a teen. At first, it was out of a desire to not get involved, but by now she genuinely likes the dingbat. He’s dumb but sweet, and he’s been good to her. “So what’s the deal, kiddo?”

“So what it all boiled down to is that she’s not mad at me for sleeping with him… she’s mad I slept with him so fast. Turns out she’s okay with me seeing him again.”

Julia puts her glass down on the bartop, eyes twinkling with amusement. “Okay, that is a new one on me, I gotta admit. What’s the story there? She into watching or something?”

A surprised laugh escapes Jaskier. “No, thank fucking god, I don’t think I’d survive. This woman… oh Julia, you should have seen her. She’s like, five foot four inches of lightning in a bottle. A total force of nature. I think she could snap me like a twig.” A wry twinkle comes into his eye as Julia’s eyebrow goes up.

Smirking, Julia taps some ash off of her cigarette. “Sounds like a hell of a woman.”

Jaskier snorts, cutting her an amused look. “She is, but I don’t think you’d get very far with her. She’s asexual.”

“Oh? The plot thickens.” Julia grins wolfishly, leaning her chin on her hand. Jaskier had a way of getting up to his neck in crazy situations, and it had become something of a spectator sport for her over the years.

Flushing with embarrassment, a crooked grin flickers across Jaskier’s face. “Yeah, well.” He turns his glass in a full circle. “So it turns out, they uh… have a kid together. And I want you to understand how terrifying this woman was because there was no way in hell I was going to ask for more details. But. What she told me was this. They got married because of their daughter, but Geralt… her husband, the man I was sleeping with… He’s gay.”

“Oh man, you really have a way of finding them, don't you?" This is top-notch Jaskier fuckery, it really is. She’s glad she’d stayed to get the story out of him, even though she knew it meant that she’d be dragged into his shit sooner rather than later.

“I really do,” Jaskier agrees with a little groan.

“What’s her name?”

“Yennefer.”

“Hm. Nice names. Yennefer and Geralt. So she got mad at you for sleeping with Geralt so fast, and then what?”

“And then, Julia! She told me that she’d always hoped that he’d find someone special. She looked me dead in the eye and said, ‘maybe someone like you’ and I just lost my mind. Just- Pow!” He makes an exploding gesture out from his head with his hands, then shakes his head and returns to mopping.

“Wow. That was not the reaction I was expecting.”

“Yeah. Yeah! No kidding! Apparently, he’s always been free to choose his lovers. He’s never wanted to bring one home before, though.”

Julia lets out a low whistle, her eyebrows going up. “So he likes you, likes you. And his wife is… okay with this?”

“I don’t think she likes me very much, Julia, but she gave me the phone number to their hotel room. Says I should have a real talk with him before I think about dating him.” He stalks past her into the kitchen to dump out the dirty mop water.

“Just like that?” Julia laughs, leaning in the doorway.

“Threatened to bury my dead body if I didn’t treat him right, in those exact words,” Jaskier says over his shoulder.

Julia leans against the doorframe, shaking with mirth. “Oh my fucking god, Jaskier.”

“I know!” Jaskier cries, flinging his hands up. “This is absurd, Julia! And you know what’s even more ridiculous? I really think I could fall for him, I really do. He’s just so…” He sighs, tossing the mop and bucket in their corner and washing his hands.

“Yeah, Yarpen wouldn’t shut up about him. Six feet plus, white hair, amber eyes, stacked? Sounds very striking.” Julia drawls, eyebrows arching.

“No, Julia- Well, I mean, yes, but…” He walks back out to the bar, flopping onto one of the tall stools.

“But what?” She smirks, returning to the bar and tapping out her ash.

“Well, I was gonna say beautiful, but I didn’t mean it like that.” Jaskier puffs, drumming his hands on the bar top, trying to find a way to put it. “Like… ohh, I sound like a fool, but he feels like a warm hearth. I just wanna curl up next to him with a book and a cup of tea and fall asleep because I feel so good around him. Safe. And don’t you go telling me he’s a stranger-” Jaskier breaks off as Julia rolls her eyes and opens her mouth to speak. “I know that! I know, and that’s what makes it so weird, Julia. But like, good weird.”

Julia hums thoughtfully, tipping her head to the side. Jaskier has been getting more self-aware as he ages, and for once, she’s inclined to believe that he remembers this guy’s a stranger. “Have you called your therapist yet?”

“For once in my life, yes. I called her before I came in. Hopefully, she’ll have gotten back to me by the time I get home.”

“Good for you. So this is why you came in here drunk off your ass this morning? This whole mess?” She pours him a shot glass of rum and passes it to him.

He takes it with a nod of thanks. “Yeah… I guess I got a little freaked out after his wife grilled me this morning, didn’t cope with it well.” Taking a sip, he frowns. “Julia, I’m in over my head. I don’t really know what to do here. He’s never had a boyfriend before.”

Letting out a low whistle between her teeth, Julia stubs out her cigarette. “Ain’t he about my age?”

“Yeah… He’s… I guess he spent his whole adult life in the military and never let himself have one. That’s what his wife said.” Jaskier worries at his lip, blue eyes wide as he shoots a glance at Julia. His glass scrapes on the bar top.

Annoyed by the sound, Julia tosses him a coaster. Then she hums thoughtfully, swirling the dregs of gin in her glass. “That’s a long time to be lonely.”

Puffing out a long, slow breath, Jaskier nods. He draws the coaster over and sticks it under his drink with a guilty look. “Yeah.” Slumping to the bar top, he puts his chin on his hands. “She said… if I cheated on him it would crush him. She said… ‘Please don’t make things worse by being irresponsible with his very fragile heart.’” Putting his face into his arms, Jaskier gives a little groan.

Julia sucks in a breath, watching Jaskier crumple in front of her. He’d at least grasped the concept of fidelity by now, but until recently his romances had never been particularly stable. Her heart goes out to him. She finds herself walking around to the other side of the bar to stand awkwardly by his side, her stocky frame only coming up to his shoulder where he sits on the stool. She awkwardly pats said shoulder, then gives it a squeeze. “That’s gotta feel pretty big to you. How are you doin’ with it?”

“I’m feeling massively intimidated, Julia. He’s gorgeous and I really want to date him, but I’m really afraid I’m going to be bad for him. I don’t exactly have the most amazing track record.”

Julia hums, sucking her teeth thoughtfully. She rubs a gentle circle between Jaskier’s shoulderblades, an unusually affectionate gesture for her. “Kiddo, you know I wouldn’t say this normally, but you’ve put a damn ton of work into your personal relationships. I trust the man you’ve grown into, and I think you should try trusting yourself for once. See how it works out for you. It’s been a long time since you let anyone in.”

Jaskier sighs, leaning into the touch. “I know. I worked so hard, and Rue didn’t even get to see much of my life after the dust settled. I hope she’s proud of me.”

A smile lights Julia’s face, but as she speaks a note of grief creeps into her voice. Her partner Rue had passed two years ago, but the pain was still fresh and hot. Rue had been more than a friend to Jaskier, she’d been his absolute favorite person. He missed her almost as dearly as Julia herself did.

“She’d be proud of you all ‘round, kiddo. You’ve really shaped up. Hell, you stepped up when I needed you.” She gives Jaskier a little shake. “You might be a dumbass, but it matters that you try to get things right. It matters more that you do your best now to fix it when you don’t. That’s all anyone can do.” Julia’s hand moves back to his shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze. “You’re a good man, and I think she’d tell you that, too.”

Jaskier nods, swallowing hard. As Julia’s hand closes on him he realizes all of a sudden how much he misses Rue. His heart contracts with terrible grief. “Oh!” He gasps, surprised by the abruptness of the pain. Reaching back to squeeze Julia’s hand, he can feel his throat tightening. “I feel really lost right now. She’d know what to do.”

A crack appears in Julia’s heart. She nods and steps closer to Jaskier, reaching around his hip and pulling him close. Jaskier leans into her and she grips him tightly with her strong arm. Her cheek presses against him and she squeezes her eyes shut, nodding. “Me too. I miss her like hell.” As she grips Jaskier, silent tears dampen his cheeks. Before long, Julia’s eyes begin to well over too.

Rue had been the center of both of their lives. Julia had been in love with her since they met one hot summer on Coney Island as teenagers. They had kissed in the rain under one of the piers, and that had been it for her. By the time they’d moved in together as adults, Julia would have gone down on one knee and married her in a heartbeat.

Every summer they took a long vacation on Fire Island, where Julia would pick up part time work as a bartender. They’d met Jaskier one summer there when he was just sixteen years old. He’d been a disaster of a baby queer, but gregarious little Rue had seen something of herself in him. She had taken him under her wing, and he had thrived.

When Rue was diagnosed with ovarian cancer four years ago, it had been at a quiet time in Julia’s life. Jaskier had gotten a therapist a year before and was finally out of her hair. The bar was thriving. Rue and Julia had settled into their home just the way they’d liked it, tea settees and all. Julia remembers looking at this yellow, gold, and cream-colored doily on their tea table after they got home from Rue’s diagnosis. The little sunburst pattern had seared into her mind as she sat in shock.

The following two years had been hell on a plate. The bar came closer to folding than it ever had as both Julia and Jaskier bent themselves completely out of shape trying to get Rue the care she needed. In the end, that had meant hospice and a funeral. Jaskier had ended up having to plan it for her, and he’d stepped up to the role with a seriousness that she hadn’t thought him physically capable of. It changed something about his personality. Julia watched him go almost overnight from a happy-go-lucky kid to a closed-off and responsible adult. The only exception had happened shortly after Rue’s death.

When the fuss from the funeral had died down, Jaskier had disappeared for the better part of two weeks. Scheduled everyone in, made sure payroll was cued to go properly, and just… vanished. He’d come back with a bloody lip and fear in his eyes, and Julia had been too heartsick to ask questions. That night they’d grieved Rue together, sitting next to one another and crying their eyes out. Jaskier had fallen asleep on their dinky little couch, and she’d tucked one of Rue’s crocheted blankets over him before she went to bed.

Since then Jaskier had been eerily quiet. At least, until Pride. After that his mood had been so pleasant that it was making Julia downright nervous. She’d been waiting for the other shoe to drop. Now, at last, it had.

Jaskier takes a few napkins out from under the bar top, passing them to Julia. They wipe their faces in sticky silence, and afterward, Julia pulls out a smoke and hands him one too. The click of her lighter is loud in the silent bar, echoing off the far walls.

“Can you imagine what she’d say about this mess?” he asks, a soft huff of laughter escaping him as he shakes his head. His wide blue eyes turn up to take in the fairy lights over the bar, the smoke twisting among them.

“Oh! I can just imagine.” Julia chuckles damply, shaking her head. “She always said you found love in the strangest places.”

Jaskier smiles crookedly. “She’s not wrong.” Smoke drifts from the cigarette between his long fingers, swirling eddies forming as it rises.

Julia nods, then blows a slow, lazy smoke ring. “She’d say… don’t listen to your heart anymore. Don’t listen to your head. You’ve heard enough from them for now. Go find someplace quiet, where the silence can slip in through the cracks of you and fill you up. Sometimes the answer slips in alongside the silence."

The damp groan of chagrin that escapes Jaskier makes Julia smile. "That's right,” he replies, a little smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “And I would say, I hate silence, it makes me nervous."

Julia nods, amused. "And she would say-" Jaskier's voice joined Julia's and they finished together, "There's your problem right there."

With a damp chuckle, Jaskier shakes his hair out of his eyes and blinks away the last of his tears. “Oh lord, Julia. I’m glad you’re still here. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Suffer.” Julia jokes, knocking back her gin. “Suffer and die, probably.”

“Crash and burn, at the very least.” Jaskier snorts. He knocks back his glass of rum, then rises at last from the bar. He stubs out his cigarette as he rises. Then, with a soft clinking, he gathers all the glasses and takes them back to the sink to wash. A hush falls over the room, broken only by the splash of water against the metal sink.

Julia turns to watch him, leaning her elbows against the counter. Her head tips to the side as she watches Jaskier dry the dishes, then start scrubbing at the already-clean sink. He takes sanitizer and sprays it on a towel, then starts trying to evict the microscopic grit left around the base of the faucet. After a while, she stirs. “You think this guy might be it?” she asks, her eyes soft as she tips her head to look at her friend.

Jaskier looks down at the wet towel dripping in his hands. “I don’t know. I just… he’s different. I feel really different around him. I think I want to try, but I’m trying to just...” He grimaces, tossing the towel into the bin with a little too much force. “Take a minute to look before I leap.”

Julia breaks into a wry smile, hazel eyes sparkling with gentle humor. “Good for you. Does that mean I’m gonna be staying late a few more nights?”

“Could you? I could use the company.” Jaskier looks at her out of the corner of his eye, moving on to wipe the counter.

Julia scoffs, but there’s a playful note in her voice. “Fine, but you gotta cough up those kreteks you've been teasing me with. You owe me.”

“Oh! I actually have those back at my house, thank you for reminding me!" Jaskier exclaims, smacking his forehead. "I can't believe I forgot. I’ll bring them in tomorrow, I got you a whole case. They came in from Indonesia last week and I just spaced out about them what with everything else going on.”

Eyes lighting up, Julia socks Jaskier affectionately on the shoulder. “Hey! My man! That’s what I’m talking about.”

Jaskier laughs, rubbing his shoulder. “Anytime. It's the least I can do.”

Julia takes one last drag off of her cigarette, then turns to stub it out. “Listen. You want a ride home? It’s late.”

Jaskier wavers, then turns to look at the storeroom where his bike is. It’s a long ride home in the cold and dark, and he’s heartsick as all hell. It’s hard to turn her down. “Got room in your trunk for my bike?”

“Yep. No sweat. I’ll pull the car around front while you shut down.” Julia pats her pockets, making sure that her wallet, keys, and cigarettes are all in place.

By the time she’s parked in front, Jaskier is locking the door of the bar. They wordlessly wrestle the bike into the back of the car together, working with the ease of practice. In the car, Julia flips on the stereo and pops in a Patti Smith cassette. Patti’s smoky, dry voice floats through the car, twining through the bouncing and jangling guitar riffs of the opening song of the album. Oh, she looks so fine… I’m gonna uh-uh, make her mine…

They drive home in comfortable silence. Julia pulls up behind Jaskier’s car and parks. She eyes the white truck in the driveway silently, finishing her smoke as she considers it. Jaskier sits beside her, making no move to get out of the car. Finally, she stubs out her smoke and says, “Is that his?”

Jaskier nods. “Engine keeps overheating. He knows what’s wrong with it but I don’t have the tools for him to fix it, so it’s gonna stay there until I can get them for him. Honestly I don’t have the faintest idea what he wants, it all goes in my ear and then out the other. If he’d just let me take him to the store it would be fine but no-”

Putting her hand on the door, Julia eyes Jaskier kindly. “Kiddo, I don’t need every single detail. It’s his truck, I get it. Let’s go in.”

Jaskier puffs as he’s thrown off track. Then he smiles crookedly, face catching in a bar of orange light from the streetlamp outside. “Sorry. You go on in, I’ve got to bring the bike around back.”

Flourishing her keys, Julia nods. She ambles around the front of Jaskier’s house and unlocks his door, letting herself into the dark entryway. Flicking on the lights, she looks around. The place is uncannily clean and stinks of floor wax and furniture oil. Jaskier’s home usually looks a bit rumpled, like a bed that’s been slept in and then had the covers thrown back into place without being smoothed or tucked. Not dirty, precisely, but not clean. Lived in. This, though… she gives a low whistle under her teeth. Her friend had been understating the distress he’d been experiencing. His home didn’t get this tidy unless something really got under his skin.

She kicks her boots off and heads to the kitchen to get a pot of coffee going, then snags a pudding out of the fridge. As she’s digging around for a spoon, she hears the jingle of keys announcing Jaskier’s arrival through the back door.

He notes the pudding cup in her hand and the very corner of his mouth turns up, but he doesn’t comment. Instead, he slips past her to drop his bag in his bedroom. When he returns to the kitchen he smiles at her, leaning against the fridge.

“Better?” she asks, tearing open the plastic lid.

“Better,” Jaskier agrees, eyes dancing with a teasing light. “Still like the taste of stolen pudding?”

“Tastes better if you swipe it,” Julia grins unrepentantly. She settles on the stool with her pudding. “Gonna cough up those kreteks?”

Jaskier grins. “You’ve got it. Just a minute, darling. I have to figure out where I put them.” He turns on his foot and bounds off to the other end of his house, rummaging around until he remembers where he stuck the package. It turns out it’s still next to the front door in plain view, hidden on a shelf by the other oddities it’s been stuck on top of. Jaskier’s house is unusually clean, but it isn’t that clean. Making a triumphant noise, he grabs it and heads back towards Julia.

Pleased, Julia opens the case up in a few quick movements and takes out a carton. She flicks it open, smelling it with great satisfaction. The rich smell of clove and tobacco wafts up to her, and she sighs in contentment. “Ah, that’s the good shit. Thanks, man.”

“You’ve got it. I’ll order more tomorrow, you deserve them. Takes them a while to import but we should be seeing them in the next month or so.”

Julia laughs. “Man, I’m earning them signing up to listen to your shit like this. Go check your message machine, I ain’t subbing in for your therapist.”

Jaskier huffs a quiet chuckle, shaking his head. “Fine, fine, I’ve got it.” He pours himself a cup of coffee, then ambles over to the message machine and picks up the receiver. He punches in a code and waits, then jots something down on a pad of paper next to it with a brief smile flashing across his face. He turns back to Julia, wiggling the notepad at her. “Got an appointment tomorrow before I go to work. She shoehorned me into her lunch hour.”

“Huh,” Julia grunts, amused. “Better bring that poor woman lunch, she’s a saint for taking you back like that on short notice.”

Jaskier looks chagrined. He settles himself back on a stool with his back to the refrigerator. “Yeah, you're not wrong. Best kind of saint. I thought I’d bring her Thai from that place up on Market street. You know the one with the little golden treasure bag dumpling things?”

“Man, she gets treasure bags? Do I get some?” Julia teases.

“If you come hold my hand tomorrow, you get anything you want.”

“Mm, no dice. I’m doing enough hand-holding as it is. Speaking of which, you could still bring it to me at the bar...” she grins over her mug, eyes sparkling playfully.

Jaskier rolls his eyes and sighs. “Extortionist.”

“You love me,” she snorts.

“I do,” he breaks out into a smile, leaning against the island top with his elbows. “Thanks for running me home.”

Julia shifts in her seat and sighs, leaning forward onto her elbows and giving Jaskier a frank look. “I got you, it’s no problem. It’s not every day you get blown out of the water by something like this. You gonna be ok?”

Jaskier considers his mug with a thoughtful moue, then nods. “I think I am, Julia. I’m sorry about this morning, it won’t happen again.”

Smirking, Julia shrugs. “Just do better.”

Fluffing the hair on the back of his neck, Jaskier nods. “You got it.” He takes a thoughtful sip of his coffee, then asks, “How are you doing?” His voice is gentle as he asks the question, sensitive to the ongoing nature of her pain.

Julia shifts uneasily, squinting at her mug. “I dunno. I’m making it. Don’t wanna look for a new place yet, but I know it’s gonna be time soon.” She casts a short, hard-to-read look at Jaskier. She appreciates him asking, but she’s also not sure how much she wants to talk.

“When’s the lease up?” Jaskier asks, his eyes soft.

“Uhm…” Julia cleared her throat. “June.”

“Julia!" Jaskier gasps, exasperated. "That was over a month ago! You didn’t just sign a new one, did you? Why didn’t you talk to me first?”

“I didn’t wanna talk about it,” Julia growls, scowling.

Jaskier rolls his eyes. “Oh, don’t get all growly with me. You’re miserable there! Rue is all over that place, darling! I can barely turn around twice in there without bumping into something that breaks my heart, I don't know how you go and live there every day."

Julia presses her lips together, tapping her carton of kreteks between her fingers. She shrugs. "I can't imagine being anywhere else. All I have left is there."

Heart breaking a little, Jaskier sighs. He regards Julia kindly. "You can't hold on like that forever."

Scowling, Julia shrugs. That might be true, but she didn’t have to like it.

Pursing his lips thoughtfully, Jaskier looks her over for a moment. He hesitates, then says, "Why don't you just start looking? There's no harm in at least checking the paper…" he nudges her gently. "Worst that can happen is you don't fall in love with the first place you see. No harm, right?"

Julia shuffles uncomfortably, taking a big gulp of her coffee. She frowns at her cup, then looks out of the corner of her eye at Jaskier. “I can’t afford to break the lease.”

“Nonsense, you’ve got plenty of savings to cover shit like that,” Jaskier replies, still exasperated. “Besides, even if you didn’t, I’d cover you. You know that!”

“I know…” Julia grumbles, “But-”

“So what you mean is, you’re still stuck and you’re not ready to go yet.”

Julia scowls. She wants desperately to argue with him, to lash out and protect herself, but the impulse passes before the words can even form. She shrugs. “Maybe so.”

Jaskier sighs. “Julia darling, I’m convinced there’s a place in the world for you. Somewhere that will feel good and be just for you. Who knows, maybe you’ll even meet someone soon? Stranger things have happened.”

“Stranger things can eat my ass,” Julia snaps.

Unimpressed, Jaskier shrugs. “Okay.” He pops open his pudding cup and spoons up a mouthful, sucking it off of his spoon thoughtfully. “Mm. Should you ever decide to come out of that suck-ass hedge-maze of grumpiness you’ve built for yourself I’ll be here. I love you, despite all your best efforts to turn into an unmanageable troll.”

“Oh what, and you’re Prince Charming?” Julia scoffs. “Puh-lease, you little drama queen.” They both eye each other for a moment, wavering, then break out in quiet laughter. Jaskier reaches over and pats her hand, and Julia smiles crookedly. She drains the last of her mug, then sets it down with a final-sounding ‘thunk.’ “All right, mijo. I won’t keep you talking all night. Thanks for the kreteks, I hope you work everything out. Call me if you need me.”

“I will. Same goes for you, darling. My phone is always on for you, and my door is always open. I don’t care what time it is, if you need me you come. Ok?”

Julia eyes him uncertainly, then nods. She had taken him up on the offer before, showing up at odd hours eaten alive by grief and unable to be alone with it anymore. “Ok. See you tomorrow.” She punches his shoulder affectionately, then heads for the door.

“Good night, Julia. Safe drive, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

~*~

Jaskier puts himself back together during the intervening days. He attends therapy, brings Julia her takeout, and things return to normal at the bar. Sunday morning he rides his bike, but this time he’s sober, more himself. At the end of the night, he pulls Julia to the side as she sighs in exasperation.

Jaskier gives her a sheepish smile, leaning back against one of the counters. “Sorry, I’m not going to keep you long tonight.”

“Yeah? Good, my fish are starting to worry I’m seeing someone new,” Julia cracks. “What’s up?” Her eyes travel to the closet where the bike is and back to him. “Car ok?”

“What?” He looks over his shoulder in the direction she’s indicating. “Oh! No, it’s fine. I just wanted to take a long ride tonight after work, maybe catch the sunrise out south of my house.”

“Then what is it?”

“It’s Geralt. I finally decided to call him. I think I’ve got my head on straight and I still wanna do it.”

Julia sucks her teeth thoughtfully. It’s sweet to see him excited, but she worries about his heart, too. He doesn’t always guard it as carefully as he should. “You sure? From what you’re telling me, it doesn’t sound like you’re lookin’ at a walk in the park. He’s married, he’s got a family halfway across the world, he’s in the closet…”

Jaskier sighs. “I know, Julia. I was there, I remember.”

Julia arches her eyebrow at him but doesn’t comment.

Jaskier chews his lip. “I know it’s probably stupid, and I know we could break each other’s hearts, but…” he ruffles his hand through his hair. “I don’t meet men like that every day. Besides. I will definitely regret it if I don’t at least see him one more time.”

Julia rolls her eyes, but a fond smile creeps across her tawny face. “I’ll give you wanting to see him again one more time, you two really should talk. Just try not to be a dumbass, ok? Go slow. You’ve gotta take care of yourself, you’re not twenty anymore.”

The look on Jaskier’s face softens thoughtfully, and he nods. “I know. I’ll try to be good.”

“Good. Where are you planning on taking him? This doesn’t sound like public conversation material.”

“Well… that’s one of the reasons I wanted to talk to you. I was thinking maybe the best place would be the bar.”

“What, don’t want to use your house?” Julia asks dryly.

“Nnnoo, uh…” Jaskier rubs the back of his neck, turning red.

“I get it.” Julia cuts him off with a quick gesture, smirking. “You wanna keep it on the up and up. Don’t you have somewhere else you could meet him though?”

“Mmm… I mean, there are some parks I could take him to, but that feels weird for a private conversation, you know?” Julia nods. Jaskier continues, “He’s staying with his wife at the hotel, and I feel like it would be rude to ask him to kick her out so we can talk. Most of my friends have these teeny apartments so I can’t exactly borrow space from them. The bar seemed like the best place.”

Julia hums, then nods. “I get it. Not like I have a porch I could offer you or anything.”

“Yeah. So…?”

Shrugging, Julia stuffs her keys into her pocket. “Go for it. Just don’t fuck all over the furniture or I’m gonna fire you,” she cracks.

Jaskier laughs. “I’ll keep that in mind.” She might not be able to actually fire him, all joking aside, but Julia has a way of finding truly horrifying tasks to saddle him with. He isn’t about to try her and they both know it. He pushes off of the counter, then digs a faxed receipt out of his back pocket and unfolds it. “Kreteks are on the way, by the bye. Here’s the tracking number.”

Julia lights up, making grabby hands as Jaskier hands the receipt over. She scans it, then gives a satisfied smile and folds it up to stick in her wallet. “Great. All right, I’m gonna head outta here. Let me know how it goes, ok?”

“As if I’d leave you out of the loop,” Jaskier hums fondly. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Am I gonna lose a hand if I try to hug you?”

“Yep,” Julia says with a chuckle. She reaches over and slaps Jaskier’s shoulder companionably on her way out the door. “Good night, mijo.”

“Good night, Julia. Drive safe.” Jaskier says to her retreating back, smiling. He turns away as the kitchen door swings shut and makes one last circuit of the bar. When he gets outside he closes up; there is a satisfying click as the tumblers lock into place. It has been a good night, and tomorrow is full of possibilities.

#geraskier #geraskier fanfic #geraskier fanfiction #geralt x jaskier #the witcher fanfiction #yenralt #geraskier pride week 2020 #warriors blues

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shreddedparchment · 5 years

Text

Heavy is the Hand You’re Dealt

Part 4

Pairing: Steve x Reader, Thor x Reader Word Count: 5,676

Prompt: Impost - Bearson

Warnings: language, light smut, angst up the wazoo, puppy Thor

A/N: This was written for @youngmoneymilla ‘s challenge. I’m probably failing at the prompt. This is growing and growing and well, enjoy this next bit. Let me know what you like/think. If you happen to reblog, thanks for helping me spread my work. xoxo

If you want to be tagged, please send me an ASK.

It’s like a really bad joke. Only there’s no punch line.

No. You are the punch line.

This nightmare you find yourself in suddenly.

How many times have you dreamt of this moment? Wanted him to come back? How many nights did you cry yourself to sleep in the corner of some dingy hotel room, or abandoned shacks, or the solitary depths of a moss covered cave, or…hell, you’ve stayed in too many temporary shelters over the last two years, they all blur into one.

You’d spent your time running from this. This very moment and wishing for it all the same. You knew that if it came—and it’s finally here—that you’d be torn.

You’d be pissed. And you are.

You’d be overjoyed. And you are.

What you didn’t expect to be is uncertain.

You didn’t expect to have a second set of blue eyes…well, one amber, one blue…engrained into your soul. It had happened over the past month. It had happened quickly.

Almost like it was meant to. As if this had been inevitable. Waiting…those eyes—one honey, one sky—had been longing for you, thinking about you, wanting you, for two years.

Those mismatched eyes are attached to a rugged face, sweet, and kind with pink lips, a semi-long braided haystack colored beard and the long wavy hair to match.

You shake your head, refusing to accept this and search instead for those mismatched eyes and the warmth you’ve reluctantly allowed them to bring you.

The room is empty.

Steve is at the foot of the stairs now.

When had he moved down the stairs? When had everyone left?

Thor? Your mind pleads, terrified of what you might do. What you might say. Your heart is in shreds and yet, the closer Steve comes, the more wildly it beats.

“Hi.” He says, as if it’s that simple. Like he didn’t tear your world down and leave you to be crushed amongst the rubble.

“Hi?” You gasp, angry, hurt, voice shaking a little but not from weakness. It’s the power in you that trembles your throat. “Hi?!”

Steve’s face falls, his beautiful golden face, with those storm blue eyes and full peach lips. He looks like he literally stepped out of one of the old movies you like to watch with those high pants and that shirt, all tucked in and ironed.

Did Peggy iron his shirt? Doesn’t sound like something she’d do but…you don’t know her.

“Y/N…” He begins, but you shake your head.

“No.” You spit, denying his broaching. “You don’t get to come back here, two years later, and tell me hi!”

“I know.” He says, remorse thick in his voice.

It sways you. Makes you want to give up the tough shell you’ve built for yourself.

“I-I’m sor-”

“Don’t.” You growl, hating him now but loving him still too. It’s so confusing. You shut your eyes.

You shouldn’t have shut your eyes.

Steve’s hands are on your biceps and you tear them open again. Searching for his gaze of familiarity because it feels like it all happened just yesterday when he touches you.

“Why are you here?” You demand, irritated. Confused.

“I…” He thinks. He thinks hard as he stares at you, his thumbs stroking the skin of your arms. “I don’t know.”

He admits, looking guilty and confused, just like you.

Then he feels one of them. A scar. An old knife wound. With a furrowed brow, he tilts his head to the left. “Are you hurt?”

It’s surreal to be here. Steve holding onto you. Showing concern and love because you can see it in his eyes. It’s all wrong of course.

A lie.

That fondness he's staring at you with. The look of sorrow and happiness all mixed with affection is a lie.

Steve doesn’t love you. Never has maybe. Everything he’s ever said to you, expressed, and made you feel is called into question because of what he did two years ago.

The first time he told you he loved you. The first time he slept with you. When he asked you to move in. When he made you a terrible tasting meatloaf. When he bought you a necklace simply because he thought it would look pretty around your neck. When he took you to the little restaurant he used to take you to and then held you close when you cried because the owner had been taken with the Snap.

The ring you found in his sock drawer.

Everything that Steve had ever done to show you that he loved you became a lie the moment he chose to leave you.

Anger, white hot like your lightning only not as pleasant or comforting, floods your brain. It clenches your fists. It sets your jaw. It hardens your heart.

Then you channel it. You force your body to relax and watch as Steve begins to fuss. It reminds you so much of before he chose to abandon you.

He pulls your arm up and around to look at the scar on the back of your bicep but spits another up higher and he reaches with his hand to move the strap of your tank top slightly off your shoulder.

You just stare, straight faced, at the growing frenzy in his eyes.

He finds the beginning of your big scar on your clavicle, the different colored skin a mar on your once unblemished—well, it hadn’t been damaged like this—body.

He freezes as he blinks in shock then he follows the trail behind you. His heated hands pressed against the spot between your shoulders before he simply just lifts the back of your shirt.

You hear the release of his breath as he recognizes the healed gunshots and the knife wounds and then the big scar that had made Thor hiss.

Thor…your mind pleads, because Steve’s hands on your back feel good even if it also pisses you off to no end.

“What are you doing?” You speak slowly, calmly. The threat in your voice is seething but controlled.

You’ve learned more from your two years alone than just how to patch yourself up in a crisis.

Steve’s hand freezes on your back and he seems to realize his slip up. That his touch is unwelcome. He lowers your shirt, taking his hands away, stepping back.

You fix your shirt, turning around slowly until you’re facing him again.

“Sorry.” And he looks very sorry. He really does.

But your shock has worn off. His touch sobered you up with the sharpness of its pain. You’re ready for him now.

Your heart still stutters when your eyes meet his, but you don’t shut them again this time. This time they’re wide open.

“Wh-” He only hesitates for a second. The wounded bravado of a man who’d once been able to touch you whenever he wanted to. “What happened? You have so many sc-”

“That’s none of your business anymore, Steve.” You shake your head just a little, annoyed, disbelieving in this entire day suddenly.

He looks hurt by your words. He actually has the balls to look hurt?!

“I know.” He says, despite the pain clearly etched into his face. “I just…when I left, you-”

It’s not what he’s saying but you latch onto the words to get your point across.

“Yes.” You nod. “You did leave me. You left me. You didn’t even come after me. I waited and waited and I-”

The image of old Steve standing by the bench fills your mind and you know that once again he doesn’t choose you here.

“Y/N…” He begins, sorrowful, as if someone precious has died.

You avert your gaze, hating the tightening in your chest. The choking grief that had finally begun to shift into memory. Your eyes fall on his hands, fidgeting nervously at his sides. Fingers clenching and unclenching.

A small glimmer of gold catches your eye and your hurt doubles harshly, taking your breath away. You take a step away from him and he looks down to see what’s caught your eye before he quickly, nervously, shoves his left hand into his pocket.

“Y/N…” He tries again.

“Why are you here, Steve?” You gasp, breathless. “It can’t be for me because you-you’re married.”

Fuck, it hurts to say that aloud. You want to be gone suddenly. On the run. Trekking across the Himalayas or maybe sleuthing your way through Europe. Anywhere but here where Steve is back to torture you with proof that he built his life without you. A life that had been yours for five years now thoroughly squashed.

“I-” He steps towards you, reaching out to touch you but you raise your hand as if to block him, taking another step back. “Things are…complicated.”

“Complicated?”

“With Peggy, we’re…not doing…” He stops speaking, unable to finish his words because he can also see how wrong he is to be here. He looks down at your feet, gathering his thoughts. He’s trying to find reason in his madness and you’re not sure that you can forgive him for bringing you into this again.

“So, you and your wife are having problems, and you abandon her too?” You ask, incredulous.

“No.” Steve says, passionately. “I would never leave Peggy, I…”

He seems to realize his mistake again and he screws up his face as your own nearly crumbles.

“Of course not. Not Peggy.” You spit at him.

“Baby…” He says, and you know that it just slipped out. Habit. He said it because it’s what he always called you and he couldn’t help himself, but you hate him for it anyway.

“What?!” The torture of it is too much. Your panic rises and with it your temper. You’re suddenly done with him and his wife and his stupid new life without you.

“Shit.” He gasps. “No…I mean, that’s not what I—fuck, this isn’t coming out right.” He fumbles.

“Why are you here, Steve?!” You yell at him, voice echoing off the large glass walls behind him.

“Because I still love you!” He yells back, frustrated with himself, and responding to your anger. “And when I can’t get my head on straight, I think of you. It’s always…always you, now.”

You scoff, hating him. Hating his words because when things had been tough for him before, yes, he’d turn to you but at times you’d find him with that stupid compass, staring at what you now know was Peggy’s picture.

“Now you think of me?” You put your hand on your chest both to indicate yourself and to keep your heart from leaping out of your chest. “Now?”

“I know that it’s not right. I get that. I understand what I did-”

“Do you?” Your voice shakes. “Do you, really?”

He says nothing, just stares at you.

“You understand that when you chose to go back and stay behind in the past, that you took the five…no…the ten years that I spent with you, and made them nothing? You understand that you took—I loved you, Steve. It was always you. I lived my life with you in mind for my future. And when you took that from me…I had nothing.

“I had no one. No family. No friends because the Avengers…they were your friends. Nat was my friend. And she left me too. And Tony. And then you…and…You have no idea what you did to me when you left.

“You turned our life together into a lie. You took everything that we ever did together and made it into a joke.” You nod, your history with Steve so painful that you rarely let yourself think about it.

His face is all sadness and melancholy. Eyebrows draw down at the corners, eyes red, lips frowning. He has no right to look like that.

“Don’t be sad.” You tell him angrily, almost growling it at him. “You have no right to look at me like that.

“You did this to me. To us. You took us and you crushed us and—you’re married, for fuck’s sake!” You gasp, laughing once because it impossibly stupid that this is even a conversation you’re having.

“Y/N…” He begins again, moving towards you.

“No.” You move back again, this time turning away from him. “Fuck. I can’t do this. Stay away from me.”

“Baby, please.” Steve says, pleading with you, making you angry again. Fuming.

“Fuck! Steve, stop calling me that!” You turn around, hand out, and maybe it’s because you’re an emotional wreck or because maybe it sensed that you needed its strength, but a faint whistling suddenly fills the air, too far away still.

“I’m sorry.” Steve gasps, frustration in his voice. “I don’t mean to.”

He reaches for you again, and you turn holding your hand out towards him to keep him away.

“Stay away from me, Steve.” You plead, growing angrier.

“I just want to explain…”

“Explain what?! Why you left me? You loved her and I was shit. You didn’t love me. It was all just a big fat lie. I get that. Okay? I really don’t need you to tell me in so many words.”

“No!” Steve suddenly booms, angry. “You are not and never have been shit. I love you.”

“Stop lying!”

“I love you!”

“THEN WHY DID YOU LEAVE?!” You’re done.

And Mjolnir flies into your outstretched right hand.

Steve is startled back away from you a few steps as you point the new Mjolnir at him, black handle glistening in the light of the morning.

“You can’t love me,” You shake your head, biting your lip hard as you drop your right hand beside you, Mjolnir held secure as you press your left hand to your chest again. “And do what you did to me, Steve. You just can’t. Either you loved me, or you didn’t, and you left me so, you didn’t.

“I found the ring.” You tell him and he pales. “I went to look for some clothes and I was looking for that black bandage that we used on your elbow when you broken it and we had to re-set it? And I pulled open your drawer and it was right there. Right underneath the first pair of socks.

“I mean,” You scoff. “You didn’t even try to hide it.”

Steve’s eyes move from Mjolnir to you. He’s in shock. About what you’re not sure. But as soon as you mentioned the ring, his eyes were on yours.

“Why did you buy it?” You ask, finally able to get an answer to this curiosity.

Steve flexes his jaw, Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows hard. “Because-”

His voice comes out as wind, no volume. He clears his throat.

“Because I wanted to marry you.”

Your eyes sting but you focus and push it down, deep. Even though your emotions have gone up and down and you’ve been yelling your ass off and just fighting with Steve, you’re happy that not a single tear has been shed.

You smile bitterly, shaking your head.

“I hate you.” You sigh. “I hate what you did to me. Maybe I should be over it by now, but…You robbed me of a life when you went back to her and I can never forgive you for that. You should have at least taken the ring.”

“I forgot I had it.” He admits and that burns deeper than anything he’s said yet.

“You forgot?” You ask, very much close to giving into those tears that had begun to burn.

“I-” Steve meets your eyes again, suddenly realizing what he’s said. “No…”

“You forgot that you wanted to marry me?” Defeat is a terrible thing. In all of your mission. In all of the beats that you’ve suffered because you have been beaten even if you haven’t technically failed a single one, you have never felt this way.

“Look, I just…I need some time to get my head on straight. I’m not doing this right and I’m saying all the wrong things. I’m nervous. Okay? You still make me nervous and I-”

“I wish I’d never met you. I wish you’d kept that gym door shut and left me out in the rain. I wish I’d never kissed you on that car park.”

“Don’t say that.” Steve pleads. “What we had-”

“Go back to Peggy, Steve. I don’t know what problems you two are having but I’m not here to ease your worries anymore. Just…leave me alone.” You swing the hammer, only a little. Just to adjust its weight in your grip.

“Y/N…”

“Leave me alone, Steve. I mean it.” You say sternly, already walking away from him. “Stay away from me.”

~~~~~~~~~~

What did he do? What has he done to you?

“You’re still here?” Bucky’s voice is like a welcomed balm, but it only soothes Steve’s aching heart a little.

“Where is she?” Steve asks, desperate but only Bucky would be able to see it.

“After that yelling match earlier, I figured you’d have gone back to Peggy.” Bucky sighs and moves to sit across from Steve, hands on his knees.

Steve scoots to the edge of his seat, elbows on his knees as he clasps his hands tightly.

“What happened to her? Why is she—the scars on her back?” He can’t seem to finish the question or find the right words. Worry has gripped his heart and it’s making him a little crazed.

“That’s none of your business anymore, Steve.” Bucky reminds him. “But if you really need to know, she joined the S.T.R.I.K.E. field team about two weeks after you left.��

“What?” Steve asks, shocked and hating the idea of you out in the field.

“Then she went off on her own, left the team. Kept her comms in case we needed her, and it was the only way to get her old team’s missions. She’s been going off doing them alone.” Bucky shrugs. “At first Sam and I thought she was just trying to…I don’t know, get herself killed? But she was really trying. And she was good. She’s brought in almost three hundred perps on her own.

“Now that she has the hammer, I think that’ll only go up.” Bucky states.

“She’s been going on missions alone? Why didn’t you do something about it?” He demands, angry at Bucky suddenly. “I asked you to keep an eye on her.”

“And I did.” Bucky assures him, just as angry right back. “I kept her safe while you left to-”

Bucky stops, looking down at the black marble floor, sleek and cold. He reminds himself that Steve is his best friend. That he’s his brother.

“Steve, she had a right to deal with what happened on her own terms. You know, I keep trying to understand what it is you’re doing here. If you were coming back for her, you’d have come back the moment you left so that it would be like you never did. Then you and she could have fixed things.”

He sounds almost hopeful and Steve knows that he’s right.

“You don’t know what you want, do you?” Bucky asks him, a knowing look in his steel blue eyes.

Steve licks his lips and slowly shakes his head.

“You shouldn’t have come back, Steve. She was getting better. She was starting to be happy again. She was moving on.” Bucky narrows his eyes at the look of confusion on Steve’s face at his words.

Steve is at an absolute loss. You hadn’t seemed in the least bit happy and the rage and pain he’d seen you display with him earlier said that you were anything but moving on.

A silly thought pops into Bucky’s head. The thought that Steve might have only seen you when he came in. That when he first saw you, he saw you and only you and no one else. Bucky knows that he loves you and Steve probably missed you more than you could ever imagine—not like that excuses Steve anything he’s done, but still.

“What did you see when you got here, Steve? Where was Y/N standing?” Bucky checks, sure that he’s wrong, but just in case.

“Y/N? She was, in the kitchen. Why?” Steve’s brow furrows in consternation, his mind flashing back to the moment he saw you, stretched up on your toes, reaching into the cupboard for something. Your face was all lit up and you were smiling, and you looked so happy and nothing like the broken woman you’d been when he’d last seen you.

You were positively glowing. Beautiful and perfect and his heart felt lighter just seeing you there and all he had wanted in that moment was you.

“Steve…” Bucky sits back, shaking his head. “What was she doing? Who was she with?”

Steve’s eyes wander to Bucky’s feet, thinking back to the moment he walked across the top landing and spotted you in the kitchen.

The picture clears and sharpens, focusing on you but also everything else. His heart drops and he meets Bucky’s eyes, as his stomach rolls and his chest nearly caves in.

~~~~~~~~~~

You’ve been sitting in here for hours. Waiting. Getting more and more upset the longer you sit here, thinking. Wallowing.

The door opens and you stand up, Mjolnir at your feet.

When he turns around, Thor’s somber expression melts away in favor of happy surprise.

“My little dove,” He almost gushes, moving towards you quickly. “You’re in my room.”

You reach up and put your hands on his massive biceps, staring at his wide chest as you try to get a grip.

“You left me.” You whimper, more at ease with Thor. Your emotions laid out for him to see.

“No, little dove. No, I-” He stammers, thinking quick as he shakes his head and his smile falters then returns in full force as he tries to explain.

“You told me you loved me.” You counter, cutting him off because what he has to say is not as important as what you have to say.

It’s a little unfair of you, you know this. You haven’t returned those words to him, but he knows. He must. It’s in every lingering gaze. Every touch. It’s in your body when you meld with his.

Still, how can he know when even you didn’t know just how deep these emotions ran until you were faced with Steve and all you wanted was Thor?

“I do!” He gasps, hearing the doubt within you. Chasing it away with his hands as he grips you to him, holding your waist as he seeks to chase away the distance between you. Emotionally. Physically. All of it.

With Thor, it always feels as if he needs you closer. Even when he’s inside you, shifting you, arms on either side of your body as his hands rip into your shoulders and he thrusts deep.

You’re never close enough.

“But you left me!” You’re not being loud, not like with Steve, because if you get loud, you’re afraid you’ll fall apart.

You don’t want to cry yet.

“Y/N-” Thor reaches up, right hand cupping your cheek as his left wraps around to the small of your back.

“You left me. Alone. With him.” You simper, wanting his comfort but also hating him for leaving you too.

Why does everyone leave you?

You push against his chest and he doesn’t resist when you renew the distance between you.

“You said you wouldn’t leave me.” You look up at him and he’s reading you, taking in the finality in your tone. “I needed you there, Thor and I…I don’t want to need anyone. It needs to be only me. If you leave me…”

“I won’t leave you, my dove.” Thor protests, trying to reach for you but you put your hands over his and push them away gently.

“You already did.” How do you convey the depth of the despair that you felt seeing Steve again? Hearing the things he said, seeing that stupid ring and all through it wishing Thor was with you? How can you make him see that it’s too dangerous to need someone like that again?

Steve had been your world. Thor can’t be your world too. He’ll take it away. Just like Steve.

“Sweet pet,” He begins, smiling hopefully as he reaches out to caress your cheek again.

“I can’t do this, Thor. It’s too much. I can’t fail like I did before. I need to be strong.”

“What are you saying?” Thor asks, confused and serious.

“I’m saying that we can’t be together anymore.” You sigh. “You’re bad for me.”

You leave him there, staring in stunned silence at his bed as you head out to seek some much-needed advice.

The meeting runs long. It’s tedious and you haven’t missed this part of the job.

You’ve been on your own too long that being at the table with the team feels odd.

It sucks even more because you can see Thor shooting you sad puppy eyes every few minutes, desperate to catch your eye and talk again.

You’ve been avoiding him, and he finally got the hint last night that you need space and he’s been giving it to you, but he also really wants to talk, and you hate pushing him away. You want him close.

You want him beside you, and that terrifies you. This need to feel him there is familiar because you’ve felt it before. With Steve…who is also sitting across from you.

His gaze is annoying too. Irritating because he keeps looking at you with longing and then he looks at Thor with suspicion and what right does he have to give your Thor—wait, not your Thor…fuck—that look?

The sheer nerve of him to be jealous is infuriating.

You look up to find Thor staring down at his thumb, tracing circles against the glass of the table. You bite your lip, wanting to reach out and place your hand over his. Your chest is yearning for his arms. For that smell of juniper in his beard when he tickles you with it.

You want to run your hands through his hair and pull him down until you can kiss those big pink lips, as he squeezes you to him.

Fuck! This isn’t happening.

You sigh, frustrated with yourself then inadvertently look at Steve to find him staring at you, frowning.

Ugh! “Are we almost done here?”

You snap, looking up at Sam who puts one hand on his hip, annoyed with you too. You don’t blame him. You’ve been in an insufferable bad mood.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Are we intruding on your schedule?”

“The League is in Northern Canada, right? Just dispatch a scout, find out where exactly, how many there are, what we’re going to go up against and then we can all go together.” You gripe, wondering why this meeting is endless.

“We already sent Wanda and-”

“No, Sam. Send in a stealth team. Someone that can blend in and infiltrate the bunker. The world knows our faces. I mean…your faces. The team.” You feel left out suddenly but you did this to yourself.

In one startling moment, you regret ever leaving. You’ve lost two years of time with the team.

“That’s not a bad idea.” Rhodey nods, tapping his finger against the table. “It’ll take about a month for them to get in and then get back out and we’ll be able to learn a lot more about them this way.”

“Fine.” Sam sighs, “And where do we find this covert team?”

You sit up straighter, feeling slightly uneasy with all eyes on you. Not to mention Steve’s and Thor’s each with a different type of longing.

“I can get us a few agents. I’ll call them now.” You get up from your chair and move towards the kitchen only to hear footsteps behind you.

With your phone pressed to your ear, you turn around and frown when it’s Steve moving closer.

You frown at him, heart dropping, as you move through the kitchen and down a secluded hallway.

“Y/N…” Steve calls out and you stop, hanging up your phone.

“Why are you still here?” You ask him, curt and uncaring, no matter how much it really hurts you.

His feet slow, sadness overtaking his handsome face. “We need to talk.”

“No.” You shake your head. “We really don’t. You should go back to your wife.”

“Hey,” He reaches out and grabs your wrist as you turn to move away from him. He turns you towards him, pulling you closer until you’re inches from his chest, his face leaning down towards yours. “Just give me a chance to talk, Y/N.”

“For what, Steve?” You shake your head, smiling bitterly up at him.

“I love you.” He confesses once again, quietly, almost with hesitation.

You scoff. “And you’re still married.”

“Did you mean it?” He asks, his hand softening, caressing down to your elbow as his other hand takes gentle grip of your hip.

“Did I mean what?” You shift uncomfortably, wanting him so much when he touches you. “Let go of me.”

“Did you mean it when you said that you wanted to give me kids?” He asks, shyly, sadly.

Your chest nearly cracks, ribs aching from the tearing your heart is doing right now. How dare he!

You blink, stunned for a moment, tilting your head to one side as you watch the desire on his face. It isn’t sexual. Just a different kind of longing.

“Is that why you’re here? Because she won’t give you kids?” You realize, suddenly considering the possibility that Steve might actually come back into your life, to stay. For good?

Because you offered him what he so clearly wants now.

His jaw tightens and you know that you’re right.

“I bought that ring with every intention of asking you to marry me, Y/N. But then Scott came back and changed everything and-” You try to pull back, you don’t need this right now.

“I understand, Steve. I helped keep you patched together when everything went tits up you left me because I’m not the girl you marry and have kids with. I’m the one you fuck when things get tough, right?” This particular thought has been on your mind.

“Don’t say that.” He begs you, pulling you so close your breasts are right up against his chest. “You’re perfect and…I made a mistake.”

He’s saying all the right things and it sounds like he’s saying he’s going to stay.

“You made a big fucking mistake.” You counter, and Steve is so close you can taste the sweet strawberry of his breakfast toast on your lips.

As he breathes it wafts over your tongue, sweetening it, his heady scent of crisp citrus soap and clean linens transfixing you.

“Forgive me.” He begs, his lips ghosting over your own.

“No.” You tell him, unable to forgive him. As much as your body wants him, your heart is forever hurt.

You hear a small thud and pull back, turning to look down the hallway as Thor’s fist lifts away from the wall he just punched, which crumbles as he moves it. He turns and he’s walking away from you, long blonde hair swishing with his angry strut.

“Thor…” You call, firm.

You shove Steve away, ripping yourself from his arms and fix him with a glare.

“Go home, Steve.”

“I am home.” He counters, his own jealousy sneaking in.

You growl and hurry after Thor, watching as his wide back turns the corner into the common room.

“Thor, wait!” Your heart is in a panic.

You love him, damn it. Even if you don’t want to. He needs to know that what he saw was…it won’t happen again.

“Thor!” You turn the corner and almost fall back as you crash into another strong chest. Two arms—one metal, one flesh—catch you.

“Careful, Sugar. You’ll hurt yourself.” Bucky steadies you and then waits until you’ve caught your balance. “Hey, that was a good idea about the covert team.”

Shit. You need to call Fury.

Fuck it. Just text the team.

You can always beg Fury for forgiveness later.

Quick as you can, you type out a group message and shoot it off.

“You okay?” Bucky asks, shoving his hands into his jean pockets.

“No.” You sigh, frustrated because Thor is probably gone by now. Where would he go? His room? The skies? He wouldn’t leave Earth again, would he?

Your heart is in a panic again, thumping wildly against your ribcage. Sharp edged pain pierces your gut and you kind of want to hyperventilate. Instead, you blink once, hard. You take a deep breath and release it slowly, urging yourself to stay calm.

“Steve?” Bucky asks and you wheel yourself around in search of him. “No, I mean, he’s bothering you?”

“He almost kissed me.” You confess, regret in your voice. “I…Thor saw…” Your shoulders slump and Bucky sighs.

“Look, I…I think I have an idea of how we might be able to get him to go back home.” Bucky waits, dipping down to look into your eyes. “If that’s what you really want?”

You’d be a fool to not hesitate. For five years Steve had loved you. He’d devoted himself to you until he simply couldn’t anymore. His heart had called him elsewhere.

“I do.” You nod.

“You really like Thor, huh?” Bucky asks, a small smile playing on his lips.

“I love him.” You admit, to someone. To Bucky. “It’s my weakness.”

“Loving someone isn’t a weakness, Sugar.” Bucky says.

“What’s your idea?” You press, ignoring his other words.

Bucky moves a step closer, crossing his arms over his chest as he looks towards the large wall of windows at the opposite end of the common room. Rhodey and Stephen are huddled around a stack of papers, talking and rifling through them. Everyone else has left.

“You’re not gonna like it.” Bucky tells you, turning back to you with a withered sigh.

“What is it?” You wonder with trepidation.

“We have to go see old Steve.”

467 notes · View notes

overthinkingkdrama · 4 years

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Jona’s 5 Worst Dramas of 2019

A couple words about this list. I’m making this for fun. If a drama you love ended up on this list, it doesn’t mean that I hate you or I think you’re stupid or have terrible taste. But these are dramas that inspired strong negative reactions in me for one reason or another, whether that be disappointment, rage or disgust.

I’ve only included dramas that finished airing in 2019 in my selection process. If you have some dramas that hated, feel free to share them in the replies or send me an ask. It’s fun to complain about things for some reason.

Also, I have included major SPOILERS in a couple of these. So read at your own peril.

Dishonorable Mention: Melting Me Softly

I sincerely tried to limit myself to only dramas that I--for whatever misguided reasons--finished in their entirety for this list. Mainly because I don’t think it’s fair to brand something as the “worst” of anything without actually giving the thing a fair shake. That’s the only reason Melting Me Softly isn’t higher on this list. But I felt that it wasn’t right to leave it off entirely, if for no other reason then out of respect for the fallen Ji Chang Wook stans out there who lost their lives trying to make it through this trash fire. Somebody needs to stand up for those brave soldiers, out their gifing trash dramas while people like me are safe and sound on our couches, watching the tag like it’s a train wreck.

I made it through only two episodes of this drama, and despite my goodwill toward the majority of the cast, they were two of the most bafflingly bad hours of television that I forced myself to sit through this year. From what I could tell while side-eyeing the drama on tumblr and twitter it didn’t improve much over the course of the run. There were a couple steamy kisses that I enjoyed in clip form, but I don’t think it would have been worth the brain cells lost to sit through any more than that.

Bottom Line: Painfully unfunny, overwhelmingly expositional with no character development, confusing pacing and sloppy editing. Two episodes was two too many.

5. When the Devil Calls Your Name

It pains me to put this on the list because it was just last year that a Jung Kyung Ho, Park Sung Woong collaboration (Life on Mars) ended up in my top 5. And giving credit where it’s due, the two male leads seem to have a great deal of fun working together and I believe that all the actors gave this drama everything they could and sincerely tried to make it work. That’s one of the things I like about Jung Kyung Ho, he picks unique, risky projects that either pay off in a big way or fall flat on their faces (like the amateurishly written and edited Missing 9) Unfortunately, this script just too messy and too bizarre to work. Ha Rip as has a deeply frustrating character arc. He’s such a self-centered jerk for the vast majority of the drama, which is fine for a Faust type story if it’s written with conviction, but every time you think he’s started to turn a corner or grown as a person he reverts back to his old ways. The writing and tone are whiplash inducing. Plus the vague “soul mates” relationship between Ha Rip and Kim Yi Kyung seemed to want to have it both ways, flipping between implied romantic potential and a father/daughter dynamic, which made me quite uncomfortable.

Bottom Line: This drama’s bizarre mythology and world building barely makes any sense at all, but at least they’re easier to follow than the character development. Attempted something unique, but couldn’t pull it off. The OST is super dope though.

4. Love in Sadness

When I watched the first teasers I got the distinct impression that this wasn’t going to be a good drama, or at best it was going to be a guilty pleasure, but at the time when I started it I was hungry for a melo and there wasn’t much airing to hold my attention so I started it on impulse. I think in this case I got what I deserved for continuing to watch something I didn’t think was very good.

The first few episodes were actually pretty gripping and intriguingly dark, but that petered of quickly and the drama became and infuriating wheel spinning exercise with barely any perceptible plot development from episode to episode. The protagonists in this are all so stupid that in the final few episodes the female lead gets kidnapped not once, but multiple times because she keeps meeting her unstable husband alone. Plus nobody in this drama seems to know how to call the police when a madman is waving around a gun. It probably wouldn’t have made me so very mad except that in the last few episodes the writer became unaccountably preoccupied with how sad the psychotic, wife-beating husband’s family life was and how lonely and pathetic his life was when he wasn’t allowed to stalk, assault, and psychologically terrorize his wife. Seriously, in the last leg of the drama the villain is the only character who gets any character development at all. The drama pulls out all the stops to try to make use feel sorry for him. It’s disgusting.

Bottom Line: When a drama about a woman trying to escape domestic violence becomes completely preoccupied with painting the abuser as tragically misunderstood, you’ve got some serious problems.

3. The Lies Within

If it wasn't for the last two episodes this drama would not be on this list, but that isn't because it was in any way an exceptional drama, or that it otherwise would have ended up on my best list. Without the last two episodes The Lies Within is a merely adequate thriller, somewhat heightened by the brutal nature of the premise. I picked this show up largely to fill the void that was left by WATCHER and it was more or less successful, plus it helped that I liked the cast. However even at the beginning this drama I felt like it had some pretty glaring tone problems. There were parts of the drama that were standard OCN dark and gritty thriller, and there were other parts that felt like a campy police sitcom. The humor, when it does crop up in this drama always feels super out of place. But then that last big twist happened and man...I can't remember the last time a drama made me that angry or cratered quite so hard with a twist.

[And this is where I spoil the HELL out of this drama...]

Before this drama decided to go all M. Night Shyamalan in it’s last two episodes, there seemed to be at least one, if not two really reasonable candidates for the kidnapper. Actually all the ground work they’d done up to that point would seem to have pointed to Young Min and if he had turned out to be the perpetrator, I would have completely bought it. Instead they decided to blow everyone’s mind by making the kidnapped husband complicit in his own kidnapping and dismemberment. Which might seem like a shocking twist until you think about it for even half a second.

What it winds up doing on a narrative level it makes everything the characters have done to investigate this series of crimes up to this point feel pointless, resulting in a huge anticlimax. It makes the ambiguous figure of Seo Hui’s husband not only hopelessly stupid, but also cruel and unsympathetic. Because he thought somehow simply sharing the information with her would put her in more danger than threatening and psychologically terrorizing her into investigating the very people he was theoretically trying to protect her from. The explanation that he was already terminally ill doesn’t to anything to mitigate the stupidity of his plan for me. Seriously, you couldn’t think of any solution aside from cutting bits off yourself and sending them to your wife in the mail? I could rant about this ending at length, but I’m going to try to stop here.

Bottom Line: As far as I’m concerned, if you choose to sacrifice the emotional and narrative coherence of your story for a cheap and dirty twist to surprise the audience, you deserve every ranty review you get.

2. Love Affairs in the Afternoon

I’m really not sure what possessed me to watch this drama to begin with. That I continued to watch it is on me. The fact that I watched it despite hating the shallow characters, the thin story and the abortive message at the core of the drama is simply a lapse of judgement for which I shouldn’t be forgiven. Why did I do it despite not having a single nice thing to say about this show? Well, there are two reasons. I was curious to see if they would do anything compelling with one or two of the characters, (specifically the serial adulteress housewife an the broody artist) and I was surreptitiously watching this drama at work and it was really easy to follow the plot while only actually keeping my eyes on the screen about half the time. I watched the last episode before the subs were available and had no trouble understanding what was going. Which could be a sign that my Korean is improving, but is more likely a sign that the writing was so predictable and simplistic that you could follow it if you didn’t speak the language at all.

[Spoilers beyond this point.]

It’s my understanding that in the Jdrama that this is based on all of the characters basically wreck their lives and end up miserable, pointing toward the emptiness of the lives of these people who try to find fulfillment through extra-marital affairs. If that’s how this drama had ended, I still wouldn’t have enjoyed the execution but I could have respected the intent. But in this watered down Kdrama-fied version all the couples’ issues are resolved in the whitewash of a last episode time skip that makes the suffering and bullshit that led up to it feel completely pointless.

Bottom Line: Maybe this level of trashy, uninspired tripe would be somewhat justified if the chemistry between the leads had been better, but somehow they even managed to screw that up. The leads are just bad, vacuous people, a fact which is rendered all the more unforgivable by them being utterly bland. Everybody needed to divorce, nobody deserved to end up happy. Please be wiser than me and avoid this one.

1. Memories of the Alhambra

Initially, I was on the fence about even producing a “Worst List” this year, because in the past few years I’ve tried to be better about dropping dramas the moment they start to disappoint me, rather than hanging on to them and winding up burning myself out. I wasn’t sure if I’d have enough material to write this list, or at least not enough material to make it worth reading. Then I remembered that Memories of the Alhambra finished airing in January of this year (2019 was impossibly long, wasn’t it?) and I thought, “Aha, I can make this work.” I knew at once this drama was going to be the shitty tinfoil star atop my Christmas tree of suck.

I’ve already written a full review of this drama, where I got about as mean as I felt I could reasonably be. You can go read that if you like, I’m not going to retread all my many complaints here. What I will say is that Memories of the Alhambra took my mixed-to-favorable opinion of the writer, Song Jae Jung, and turned it to a negative one. She’s someone who clearly has a lot of interesting high concept ideas, but the execution is just not there. You can hook an audience with a concept, but you have to keep them with craft and structure.

Maybe the industry can be blamed for that. Maybe she just has a hard time ending her stories, or maybe writing on a deadline doesn’t agree with her. Whatever the reason, I can no longer trust her to deliver a satisfying story. And that’s deeply saddening to me, because Queen In Hyun’s Man is in my top 10 favorite dramas.

To be front-to-back terrible is one thing. The joke’s at least half on me for bothering. But to have potential, to have an interesting hook, a budget, a cast, but then to be either unwilling or unable to live up to that potential feels like a con. That’s how I felt about his drama, like I had been willfully deceived by special effects and flashy editing, all orchestrated to disguise a narratively bankrupt, unsatisfying drama.

Bottom Line: Is Memories of the Alhambra objectively the worst drama on this list? No, it’s not. Is it the most disappointing? Absolutely, it is. And that’s the more heinous crime, in my opinion. And that’s why it’s my worst drama of 2019.

#kdrama reviews #worst list #kdramas 2019 #jona spoils #exit review

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judgement-free-sideblog · 5 years

Text

Blood, tears and sea breeze.

Hi there! First things first, I want to apologize for the long time that has gone by since an update, I am truly sorry. I would explain, I am a doctor and I work in a rural area, we had a nasty Dengue virus outbreak and we had a lot of patients, so I was buried in job, we had no mortal victims thankfully, but it was insane. Also I get the Dengue myself and it was awful, but I feel better now and everything is going back to normal, here is a new chapter to this story I hope you enjoy it.

Warnings: ANGST, mental health issues, graphic depictions of violence, blood, cursing, mentions of sexual assault, mentions of sex, substance abuse.

Summary: The not so peaceful town of Broadchurch face dead again, while Alec Hardy continues his journey to redemption will this school teacher be the key to solve the mystery or just another victim of the ever watching evilness that seems to reside in the town.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 7: Like a sleepover.

Alec parked his car near the church and cursed himself when he realized his mistake since his presence confirmed to the reporters that something or someone interesting was inside, when he approach the benches he could se Paul who was lecturing a woman with an angry tone that he had never listened before, neither have the old lady in front of him since she looked terrified at him.

"Don't come here acting innocent, the lord knows when your motives are driven by greed and I truly hope whatever you use the money they gave you is worth it, and don't you dare to blame it on your grandchildren since they don't need to have this terrible example from their grandmother" He was obviously restraining from using more harsh language but the anger on his face was enough to make his point clear, and Alec even stop himself from storming in. "Now go away Mrs Campbell, and I hope you would think about your actions when you go out and talk with that people" The woman went out walking rapidly and visibly shaken.

"I was under the deception that priests never get mad" the detective enter the room and Paul gesture relaxed immediately. "Although is rewarding seeing you act out like that"

"Well they do when their congregation sell out each other for money" He said fixing up his clerical collar and regaining composure. "I'm glad you are here, it's madness out there, this town I thought they were better than this"

"Well you choose a profession full of disappointments" Y/N voice came from the altar and she approached now wearing what Hardy asume were donated clothes to big for her making her look like a child, and he brushed away the endearing feeling bursting in him for a second "For what is worth you should be more like that, maybe seeing the personification of the wrath of God in your face would make them listen" She said touching his arm making him smile, a stupid smile in Hardy's opinion. "D. I. Hardy, I was not expecting to see you so soon, but I assume you are not here to tell me I can go home already" She said with a pinch of hope in her voice that was killed the instant Alec look at her.

"No, I'm afraid not, and since you staying here has already been released to the media within four hours you can't longer stay here." He said trying to think what to do next.

"Yeah, and Ellie's ... I mean D.S. Miller's nephew certainly did a number on me didn't he?" She said bitterly, she appear more calmed, and he could see a glimpse of the woman who's thoughts he had spend the morning reading.

"That bloody idiot, he would sell out his own mother for a "good story" and he always think he is doing the police a favor, only making our job more difficult" Alec was angry and his mind was still trying to figure out his next move.

"Well now I'm glad I never dated him." Y/N said trying to lighten up the mood. "I can stay at the Trader's I can pay for that for a couple weeks, I would hate to cause more trouble"

"I don't think you should stay that close to Jonathan's house" Pauld said getting ahead of Hardy "Maybe Beth can take you, just for the night at least" He said and then look at Hardy.

"Sure, I mean if she agrees" He said knowing she will since they had been in a similar situation before.

"Great! If you think you can trust Lizzie's family to murderous psychopath, it'll be just like a sleepover" Y/N said sarcastically making both men feel uncomfortable. "I'm kidding? You guys really need to relax" She said looking at them "Now how am I supposed to get out of here?"

"I may have an idea" Hardy said finally with his expression still as stoic as ever.

Ellie stormed in her sister's house and the young man working o his laptop stood up immediately trying seeking cover behind the kitchen table.

"You bloody bastard!" She screamed at him and she grabbed the closest thing to her

"He hey hey... relax" He said putting his hands in front of him, she throw the ceramic fruit to his head. "Hey you almost hit me!" He screamed when she missed and the pear shattered in pieces.

"What the fuck were you thinking?!" Ellie scream again "Don't you have any decency left since you came back? That poor woman you have signaled as a suspect is not even at the police station anymore you moron."

"What? But you take her in for questioning, and she was covered in blood... and..." Olly realized his mistake and start looking at his aunt with sorrow, he was not about to betray his source but he understood that he had done something wrong "Damn it Ellie I'm sorry, I thought it was legitimate information"

"Well it doesn't matter anymore, once again I'm going to clean up your mess, come by the station we are going to release an official statement about Norbury's death and maybe it will help to clear out this mess" She was being reasonable, more than he can hope for since he was sure she was still pissed.

"And the woman? If she is not at the station where is she?" He jump straight back at the subject annoying Miller.

"Too late for you, didn't you hear? There is a horde of reporters raiding the church to talk to her" She smile at him, happy to see he didn't know, and hoping that Hardy had taken care of that end.

Paul came out of the church and a small figure covered jump in the car with him and he drove past the reporters who immediately try to follow him and some even did on their own vehicles, maybe when they figured he was just going out to get the paper and some groceries with the help of a boy that was being punished for misbehaving at school, would they realized their mistake, and how they didn't pay attention to the pair of people that walked from the back of the church to the Latimer's house.

"So, did you talk to Dr. Florence?" Y/N asked when the garden of the Latimer's was in sight "Oh come on, they can't no longer see us" She urged him when he gave her another of his angry looks.

"I did, but I am not supposed to discuss any of the investigation with you" He said finally.

"Fine, I'm sure she was pleased to see you again" She said and smiled at his puzzled face "I have seen you in her office before, and I overhear the last time you were there, you made a big deal about not wanting to come back"He looked ashamed and open the fence of the backyard to avoid her look "Relax I won't tell anybody, no one will listen anyway, I'm crazy remember? We can still be therapy buddies" She wink at him and enter followed by the baffled detective.

"Oi! I thought she was supposed to escape the press, come inside before any of those idiots will see you" Mark Latimer called them and they hurry inside.

"Mrs. Latimer, I don't know how to thank you"Y/N said once they were inside.

"It's nothing, Chloe's room is clean and free since she is at Uni, you can take it, can you show it to her dear?" Mark nodded and they walk out of the kitchen and Hardy could see her holding on to Lizzie a little more than usual.

"I wouldn't bring her here if I felt she was in any way guilty you know" He said to her and her arms relaxed a little.

"Well you can never be completely sure. But if you trust her we would help you for as long as we can."

"Don't worry, I just need her to have a place for the night we will figure something else tomorrow" He said and a couple minutes later he walked out of the house to get back his car. Ellie had the press release almost done by the time he arrived at the station and the sun was setting on Broadchurch.

"Busy day huh?" She said offering a cup of coffee "Brian is finishing with the house but he said he found something interesting about the cottage, he will tell us later, are you ready for the press."

"I'm fine, I swear Miller this bloody town is fill with idiots, this woman just lost her fiance and they are making all this circus about it" he sit on his chair and let go and exasperated sigh. "Let's get this over with".

It was as simple message, a man have been found dead and the police was investigating several lines of information, they had no idea who had done such monstrosity, and they urged the public to speak up, and no they were not considering the partner of the victim as a suspect, yet the mind of one of the many souls watching said, and turn off the telly, before exiting the room carrying a purple suitcase with the name Jonathan Norbury on it.

Tag list:

@laciesaito

@allonsymexgirl

#broadchurch fanfiction #broadchurch #beth latimer #mark latimer #chloe latimer #paul coates #di hardy #alec hardy imagine #alec hardy fanfiction #alec hardy x ellie miller #alec hardy x reader #alec hardy #ellie miller #ds miller #dc katie harford #katie harford #david tennat

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tiadres · 4 years

Text

Pre-Inquisition Character Study

I was tagged by @noire-pandora thank you! Filled this for my both Inkys since I have one for both my worldstates now, so I guess this is the official introduction of my boy Tris ^^ Also my cat almost ruined this whole thing by sitting on my laptop while I was typing lol

Anwen Lavellan

Layer 01: The Outside

Eye Colour: sky blue

Hair Style / Colour: blonde, short. I imagine she used to have something like that bob hairstyle I used for her in-game before I started modding. I’d say around the time of the Conclave her hair was about the length like in this picture.

Height: 155 cm

Clothing Style: Relatively simple and comfortable; pretty much what you’d expect a Dalish mage to wear

Best Physical Feature: Her pretty eyes: when she smiles her eyes are like little, bright sapphires

Layer 02: The Inside

Fears: Something bad happening to Clan Lavellan

Guilty Pleasure: Going to skinny-dipping in the moonlight

Biggest Pet Peeve: People who think they’re better than everyone else

Ambitions For The Future: Becoming a good Keeper when it’s time for that

Layer 03: Thoughts

First Thoughts Waking Up: “I wonder what good will happen today?”

What They Think About Most: Magic, stories

What They Think About Before Bed: What she learnt that day/if something specific happened, that

What They Think Their Best Quality Is: Curiosity, kindness

Layer 04: Either Or…

Single Or Group Dates: Single dates

To Be Loved Or Respected: Loved

Beauty Or Brains: Brains. Beauty is nice but she appreciates the smarts (then in Haven she sees Cullen and is like “owo what a handsome man” and forgets her priorities lol)

Dogs Or Cats: Dogs. Anwen likes both but if she had to choose she’d pick dogs because they keep the Dread Wolf away ;--)

Layer 05: Do They…

Lie: Not really; Anwen is a terrible liar and doesn’t like doing so

Believe In Themselves: Yes

Believe In Love: Yes, even though she’s never been in love yet

Want Someone: She doesn’t have anyone specific in mind but occasionally she wonders what it would feel like to fall in love with someone and want to be with them. Most of the time she just focuses on her studies and spending whatever freetime she has with her friends.

Layer 06: Have They…

Been On Stage: As the Keeper’s First she’s had to do some “public appearances” in the clan like teaching the others about something, but I’m not sure if that counts as having been on stage. She is relaxed when speaking to a familiar group but at the early steps of the Inquisition she is a little nervous about addressing all those people (mainly humans) who think she’s the Herald of their Andraste.

Done Drugs: Elfroot? :--D

Changed Who They Were To Fit In: Nope

Layer 07: What’s Their…

Favourite Colours: Green, blue

Favourite Animal: Halla, owl

Favourite Book: Hmmm probably a book about Elven history, supposing her clan has something like that? Anwen loves reading so it might be hard to say just one favorite book. She mostly reads about history and magic but in Inquisition she will start reading stuff like Varric’s books, too (she and Cassandra have a little book club ^^)

Favourite Game: Wicked Grace, and also some Dalish game she used to play with her friends and family but I’d have to think more specifically about what kind of game that would be.

Layer 08: Age

Day Their Next Birthday Will Be: I hadn’t really thought about this before! But if I read the calendar right I’d say her birthday is sometime in Nubulis/Drakonis (the third month of the year). I chose that because I looked into this project about Thedas astrology and decided that Anwen’s sign could be Fervenial/The Oak. (if I’m reading all this correctly, I often feel confused by Thedas calendar and stuff like that for some reason ^^)

How Old Will They Be: 24

Layer 09: I…

I Love: “My friends”

I Feel: “excited about seeing new places”

I Hide: “my insecurities; I have to be strong for the sake of others”

I Miss: “My clan”

I Wish: “I understood the mysteries of the world”

Tris Lavellan

Layer 01: The Outside

Eye Colour: Green like emerald

Hair Style / Colour: Silver, long-ish and often messy because he’s been climbing trees or going trough some bushes.

Height: 160 cm

Clothing Style: Simple, practical. Tris likes scarves.

Best Physical Feature: Tris isn’t sure what he’d say his best feature is. Anwen says he has a nice nose so he’d probably go with that.

Layer 02: The Inside

Fears: Messing up

Guilty Pleasure: Sweets, wandering away from the camp when almost everyone else is sleeping (not sure if it counts as a “guilty pleasure” but it’s something that the Keeper has asked Tris not to do too much for the sake of safety).

Biggest Pet Peeve: People who are cruel to animals (is pet peeve strong enough a word? Because people hurting animals makes Tris FURIOUS).

Ambitions For The Future: Find a way to compensate for lack of magic (Tris always wanted to be a mage but wasn’t born with the gift of magic, and he was a little jealous to his best friend Anwen who became the First. In Inquisition he picks the Tempest specialization and and is happy to work with alchemy, which is the closest to magic he’ll ever get.)

Layer 03: Thoughts

First Thoughts Waking Up: “I wonder what’s for breakfast”

What They Think About Most: There are many things but one would be his loyal hart, Assan

What They Think About Before Bed: All the new and exciting things he saw during the day, like a colorful bird or a rare plant

What They Think Their Best Quality Is: He is patient and skillful with animals

Layer 04: Either Or…

Single Or Group Dates: Single dates

To Be Loved Or Respected: Loved

Beauty Or Brains: Brains. Tris enjoys aesthetically pleasing things but he does love a smart person. Later he could listen to Dorian or Solas for hours.

Dogs Or Cats: Cats, but he likes dogs too. When he’s in a relationship with Dorian he’ll realize Dorian reminds him of a cat...

Layer 05: Do They…

Lie: Not really

Believe In Themselves: In some matters yes, but he does have many insecurities

Believe In Love: Yes, even though his heart has been broken in the past

Want Someone: Yes

Layer 06: Have They…

Been On Stage: No, and he doesn’t enjoy being the center of attention

Done Drugs: Elfroot...

Changed Who They Were To Fit In: Not really. Even if there have been times when he’s been uncomfortable with himself he has never tried to pretend to be something he’s not just to fit in.

Layer 07: What’s Their…

Favourite Colours: Green

Favourite Animal: Hart

Favourite Book: He likes reading about a variety of subjects but his favorite is probably the Tale of the Champion. Cassandra isn’t the only one with a small crush on Hawke lol

Favourite Game: Do riding competitions count? Because Tris is very good at that and he enjoys the sensation of galloping trough the woods with a hart

Layer 08: Age

Day Their Next Birthday Will Be: His birthday is in Frumentum/Harvestmere (his astrological sign, according to that one interesting fan project, would be Silentir/The Silence).

How Old Will They Be: 25

Layer 09: I…

I Love: “a good trick”

I Feel: “overwhelmed about all the strange happening in the world”

I Hide: “my envy: I can’t help it but it’s an ugly emotion to have”

I Miss: “My clan”

I Wish: “I knew what it’s like to have magic”

Tagging @samwis @lootusemilia and @dragonageoutlet as always do it if you feel like it, and please tell me if you feel annoyed about me always tagging you dearies ^^”

#tia got tagged #da #Anwen Lavellan #Tris Lavellan

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harmonie-writes · 5 years

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Friend Request/Black Mirror

Got this idea from the movie "friend request"(watch the ending explained for more info) where a non-human/monster student from kacchan & midoriya middle school has been bullied/harrased for their magic/quirk being highly dangerous and commited suicide by doing the black mirror ritual & sending it online to everyone at her school who bullied her. This was during near the end of middle school year. Everyone who saw the video were absolutely horrfied and(1/3) (2/3) To say that they felt guilty was an understatement. Bakugo & midoriya blame themselves for her suicide. But then when some of the students sre disappearing & being put in hospitals they know something is wrong. Then when bakugo is kidnapped/ rescued he and others see that she became a undead demon/monster dueled by anger/hate for those who tormented her and is about to hurt or even kill the others before one of the heroes knock her out/find the mirror & break it. (3/3)After they break the "mirror" she's(whose no longer a demon) brought back & taken in for questioning before they take her in at ua to try and help her recover. When she gets in class 1a she just shuts everyone out completely, not talking/ignoring, just wants nothing to do w/ anyone. When midoriya & bakugo try to approach to her to apologize or whatever, she makes it VERY clear that she will never forgive them & that they are the real monsters & exposes them & reveals scars from self harm (4/3) little extra sorry, you can choose the ending for this one. Im trying to work on a charscter & i needed inspiration & your blog was perfect for it. I saw the baba yaga thing, it was fantastic thank you. Also im really sorry if its really long. Im just really specific and wordy & in love with some of your writing👌. Have some love & drinks for your troubles🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤☕🍵🍶🍾🍷🍸🍹🍺🍻🥂🥃💋💌 Love you, from your loving follower.

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This was actually a really hard order to fill since I don’t like horror/thriller movies, but I love writing horror/thriller stories...the irony...someone please pinch me. Anyway I tried my hardest on this since I loved the topic and hopefully it gives you some inspiration Anon! ❤

WARNING!: THIS IS A VERY DARK THEME! CONTAINS SUICIDE, SELF INFLICTED WOUNDS, DEATH!

SUPER LONG I’M SORRY

AN: I had to look this up, but the black mirror ritual is where you are in a dark room with just enough indirect candle light illuminating your face/eyes. As long as you can see your eyes in the mirror then you can continue to the next step. The next step is to focus on your eyes or in between them without moving them or blinking, eventually everything in your vision will fade and become black. Then you just blink to come back from the void.

Also this won’t exactly fit the timeline that the manga/anime follows... another thing just because I don’t want to leave a plot hole for you love people I had to change somethings around! Oh and I attempted to make this as gender neutral as possible!

In Friend Request the person will perform this ritual and burn them self to become a demon that can posses others who look into darkened mirrors/reflections.

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You used to live in the more rural part of Japan, until a house fire burned down everyone and everything inside, you were the only survivor, but you had burns to show that it happened

The other downside about your home when it was still standing were the locusts

When you were four you went through multiple foster homes, none wanting you because of your strange magic quirk, it looked like very dark magic

While in and out of foster care you would draw as a mean of escape or write things down

Some would even goes as far as to call you a quirkless-wiccan

You had some friends not many though, it was really more of just being your friend out of pity

Judged for your burns and how terrible your quirk was; no one wanted you around

You were bullied because of your burns, your strange habits of staring into mirrors, even odd obsession of candles and dark places

Although that changed one day when you were at the park near you current foster residence

You met two boys: a loud blonde and a timid greenette

They noticed you conjuring small locusts from thin air

“What are you doing?” the little green haired boy asked coming up on your left shoulder

“Creating things of this and that,” your answer was vague, but substantial enough

“Why would you want to make these dumb bugs for?” the blonde peeked over your other shoulder

“Because they’re important,” you put the bug down to look at them then back at the little hopping creature

Eyeing them both up and down you crossed your little arms trying to hide the burn marks

“I’m Midoriya Izuku and he, “the greenette pointed at the blonde, “is Kacchan!”

“No, my name is Bakugou Katsuki,” the blonde huffed shooting a small glare at his friend

You hesitated hoping you wouldn’t get bullied by these two boys, “I’m (L/N) (Y/N)”

That’s at least how it started

Entering middle school the bullying got worse; students made it a point to make you already more aware of the flaws you had and the flaw you were even going as far as to say you should’ve burned with your family

Your magic got stronger the older you got and more you practiced, and you spent a lot of time allowing yourself to fade into the black room staring at your reflection in a small compact mirror

Midoriya has walked in on you when you have gone into the void being completely unresponsive to any outside noses, and he called Bakugou about it making him want to see it for himself

This caused unease in both boys seeing as wiccan symbols littered your arms and legs and every time you used your magic (dark) it would make you look quite terrifying

People could feel the power come off you but still bullied you into submission

You still followed them throughout middle school, but never picked up on the queues that they didn’t want you around or how they would shy away from the topics that involved plans that would make with others

You all attended UA, and both boys were hoping desperately that you would just disappear although they never completely vocalized they didn’t want you with them

Midoriya would just shy away from the subject and flinch slightly when you would join his new friend group

Bakugou would grunt and give you a hard glare, but you always thought it was normal

“Hey Midoriya what are you planning on doing this weekend?” Tsuyu asked while walking to the lunch table

“I think we are going down to the beach for a bonfire on Saturday,” he shrugged as they took their seats

Running up to him and hugging him from behind, “Midoriya! What are you planning on doing this Saturday?” you asked excitedly wanting to give him a present you have been working on for the last couple of weeks

“I um, I’m going to the beach with my mother this weekend...” He trailed off glancing at Uraraka and Tsuyu across the table who gave him an unease look

“Oh...okay I will give it to you another time then,” You released his shoulders before heading towards Bakugou’s table to see if you could also give him his present

“Bakugou!”

“What is it Black Magic?...” The ashen blonde huffed looking towards Mina for help

“What are you doing on Saturday?” you quipped your somewhat happy attitude back

“I’m going to be down at the beach training like normal,” He rolled his eyes but was tense under your touch

“Hmm I guess I will just give it to you another time then...” You left him alone and went outside

Little did you know that the class was actually holding a party and didn’t want you there

That Saturday rolled around and you were alone scrolling through Facebook, which you only had two friends on

Refreshing the page you saw that Midoriya and Bakugou were tagged in the same photo

“What the...” your frustration was getting the better of you

Enlarging the photo you saw that it was the entire class having a party/bonfire on the beach

Everyone seemed to be laughing and dancing; you weren’t laughing

Fingernails digging into your palms until they bled with angry tears falling down your face you slammed the computer shut

The following Monday you confronted both of them before class started

In the midst of them trying to shove you off they pushed up your long sleeved shirt revealing all of the carved letters and cuts

Everything stopped you could hear a pin drop

You couldn’t handle the stares and whispers so you ran

However the two you considered friends had enough of you and decided to make it clear to you

They unfriended you

Noticing that you were all alone again you took action

“I’m not going to be the weak person they make me out to be...”

Collecting the things for your black mirror ritual, the sketches, rope and your phone you got ready

Pressing the record button you started with holding up the pictures

You didn’t say anything, they weren’t worth your words

Taking out the matches you lit one on fire and then the next

Dropping them onto the floor you got on the chair

Adjusting the noose you looked into the camera

“You both did this”

The camera caught you kicking the chair out from underneath you as you were consumed in flames

The entire video you recorded had Bakugou and Midoriya tagged in it, the two you once called friends

Getting the familiar ding they pulled out their phones before class

You tagged them in a video

The video played back the events and they were shocked

They watched you die

Freaked out they showed the video to Aizawa and Principal Nezu

They were told to delete the video and their accounts

They tried only to receive and error

After both boys got the error the your video was shared on their pages for everyone to see

Aizawa walked into the class with them trailing behind before they headed to their seats

“Your classmate (L/N) died last night.”

Whispers floated around the room

Midoriya had his eyes locked to his desktop and Bakugou looked out the window

Strange things started occurring a few days after your death

A student who went to the same middle school as you was found in critical condition with burns everywhere

When the student woke up in intensive care the police and Pros were there to here her statement

“Th-the house... it was on fire...”

They assumed she just meant her house

Little did they know it was hers; the fire started inside of a mirror on her wall

She saw a dark figure light a house on fire before making her way closer to the girl

Moving between mirrors/reflections to your next victim you planned things accordingly, and would work your way up the chain until you had your revenge

More students from Bakugou and Midoriya’s past were getting hurt and they were freaking out, because there were no leads as to what was going on

It was evening and Uraraka was studying with only her lamp on for light when it flickered and went out

Startled the brunette looked around the room until she saw her reflection in her computer

Thinking there was a smudge she tried rubbing at it

Removing her hand from laptop she saw a dark shadow walk up behind her

Turning around a piercing scream ripped through her throat

You were behind her with grey eyes that wanted nothing but revenge on those who wronged you

Opening your mouth a swarm of locusts went after Uraraka biting at any exposed skin

Hearing the scream throughout the dorm some of class 1-A went to check

Bursting through her door and flicking the light on they saw Uraraka in the fetal position on the floor

When the lights flicked on you disappeared along with the locusts

“Uraraka! Are you okay?” Tsuyu was the first into the room to check on her friend

“Lets get her to the hospital,” Yaoyorozu ushered as Kirishima and Sero picked her up

On the way out Uraraka’s hand grabbed Bakugou’s wrist tightly

“I-it was them...” she breathed out with wide scared eyes

Everyone paused and looked at the frightened girl

You witnessed everything behind your mirror before disappearing into another glass, eyes burning with a deep rooted hatred

“Bakugou,” Midoriya grabbed his wrist, “how do we stop (Y/N)? They are attacking everyone we are friends with!”

“No shit you dumb ass,” He huffed holding his hand to his chin contemplating the situation, “they’re targeting everyone who bullied them...”

Both boys looked at each other with widened eyes as they realized who would be targeted

Everyone on their friends list was someone who bullied you before at least once

Things seemed to stop for a bit when they went to the training camp at least that’s what it seemed

After Bakugou was captured you showed up again right outside the bar, your reflection in the glass outside in the alley way

Making your way to where Bakugou tried escaping you unleashed hell

“Bakugou!” your piercing shriek echoed over the clearing

Bakugou and the small band of villains turned to look at your retched form walk towards them

Some of the villains tried stopping you but you flicked your wrist at them sending them flying away from you; not once did you take your eyes off the blonde

“What do you want from me-us?!” Bakugou shouted palms sparking in anticipation

“I want you to suffer the same way I did for years! Being alone with no one to rely on, not even a friend,” you opened your mouth wide releasing a storm of locusts to the unsuspecting blonde

Using his quirk he was able to keep them at bay, and escaped with the help of Kirishima and the others

You screamed in frustration as they got away, but that was short lived as Kamui Woods restrained you and knocked you out

The Pros at the scene took a look at you and recognized you from the missing persons report, they knew you committed suicide but there wasn’t a body to be found

You were sent to the hospital with limbs bounded and gagged, precautions had to be taken since you were still seen as a threat

“You two can come in now” Bakugou and Midoriya looked upon your body that was illuminated in just candle light

“How did you figure out what that candle light would keep her from disappearing?” Bakugou asked leaning up against the wall not wanting to get close to you

“We remembered from Uraraka’s testimony that she disappeared when the lights turned on so we tested different light sources and candle light seems to work the best” one of the detectives stated, “it’s also light enough that she can’t disappear into any reflections.”

“Why are we here?” Midoriya was nervous being in the same room as your sedated body

“We need to know if you know anything about her state, or what would have allowed her do this after being... well dead.” It wasn’t a question and both boys knew it

“(Y/N) used to stare at a small mirror for hours when we were younger, and the room would always be dark...” Midoriya reflected thinking back to when you were younger

“Good, if you think of anything else call us, he handed them a card, “We will start looking through the burned remains of (Y/N) residence.”

“Oh the and they woke up earlier, but refused to say anything that might be helpful to this situation,” the detective sighed pinching the bridge of his nose, “the only thing they said when waking up were both your names.”

Alarmed both heads whipped to look at the detective

“What?!”

“They might talk to both of you. We will bug the room and leave so they doesn’t suspect anything,” setting up the microphone the detective pat both boys shoulders before exiting

“Oh and don’t worry (Y/N) is strapped down to the bed under the blankets,” the detective tried giving them an encouraging smile and thumbs up before exiting

Once the door closed your eyes opened wide and you gasped for air as if you hadn’t been breathing

Struggling against the restraints you cried out

“H-hi...” Midoriya tried and your wide eyes narrowed dangerously as you eyed the traitors

Jaw clenched tightly shut and deathly grey eyes bored into both visitors

Bakugou tried putting on a brave front, but lets be real you looked like you had been dead for years

“Why?”

“What do you mean why? You abandoned me! You used me and lied to me!” you finally snapped going back to struggling against the straps

Back arching up off the bed you struggled

This freaked the boys out even more, you looked so much like a demon (you were) trying to fight against an exorcist

Truth was you were, they found the mirror under some burnt remains and the demon inside you was trying to hold onto your body

Screaming and writhing, head shaking back and forth you dropped back on to the table

Eyes blank and looking at the ceiling

Slowly your physical appearance began to revert back to normal

Walking up to the edge of your bed Midoriya spoke up, “We are sorry... for everything.”

Slowly tilting your head to look at them you sucked in a deep breath, “No.”

Confusion washed over Midoriya and anger over Bakugou

“What do you mean no?” Bakugou glared down at your body

“It’s exactly as it sounds,” you still managed to posses a menacing glare

“What do we have to do for your forgiveness?” Midoriya pressed further hoping that if you forgave them then everything would go back to being somewhat normal

“I won’t ever forgive either of you! Do you know what you even did? Are you trying to get over your guilty conscious?” your accusations cut them deeply and you knew that you hit them on the nail

“You are both monsters! So I did something I knew you would both fear, being alone,” you still being magical summoned a scalpel to your hand from the counter top and sliced through the ropes holding you down

Standing you face them with scalpel in hand

Both boys activated their quirks in case you decided to hurt them

Pushing up the night gown sleeves you showed them your scars

“You pushed me to this!” you cried tears pouring down your face

“I only wanted to be friends with you both and you pushed me away!”

Stepping forward Midoriya tried setting his hand on your shoulder hoping to comfort you, but you stepped away angrily shaking your head

“No, no, no... NO!” glaring at them you pointed the medical tool at them but didn’t advance

“We want to help you...maybe even start over?” Bakugou tried reasoning sharing a small glance with Midoriya

The glance didn’t go unnoticed by you

“No. Anything is better than being friends with either of you. Death is better than being friends with you!” ugly sobs wretched through your body as you raised a hand in the direction of the counter top

Every drop of magic in your body you used to collect sharp medical tools and items

The boys started wide-eyed as you turned the instruments in your direction

Turning your outstretched hand into a fist you closed your eyes

Screaming was heard from the room, and the detectives outside ran into the room

The scream wasn’t yours, it was the two UA students

They were speckled in your blood as it pooled out around your body

Your body lying limply on the floor and impaled in various places

Your death was instant

“Oh dear God...” the two detectives breathed before one ushered the boys out

“Sir we have a problem...”

#dvoz-writes #friend request #black mirror ritual #bnha fanfiction #bnha x reader #midoriya x reader x bakugou #mha #mha fanfiction #mha fanfic #requests for dvoz

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elareine · 5 years

Text

Not the hurricane

Rating: Explicit Relationships: Tim Drake/Jason Todd Tags: Established Relationship, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, I think?, at least there's praising during sex, Fluff, possibly undernegotiated kink, handjob AO3: /19283008

It had been a shit day. A shit day. Tim was tired. As he limped back into their apartment, he really hoped Jason would be there because frankly, Tim was ready to kill something if Jason wasn’t.

It had been a shit day. A shit day. The kind of day that made Tim wish he could curse as creatively as Jason just so he would have the vocabulary for this kind of day.

The night before had been terrible. Just. Escapes from Arkham, innocent hostages, loss of life terrible. The kind of night that made all of them crawl back into a cave and not come out again. Except they couldn’t because that wasn’t what they did, so they dealt with the situation and the ensuing fall-out into the early morning hours, and then Tim had gone to work.

Of course it couldn’t have been a typical day filled with enough mindless paperwork that he could take a nap, oh no. There had been meetings, and then an HR emergency, and then more meetings, and then the fire alarm had gone off accidentally and Tim and Bruce had sent everyone home just to immediately head to the cave and get changed.

Patrol hadn’t even been that bad—but it was a cold night, and Tim was tired. As he limped back into their apartment, he really hoped Jason would be there because frankly, Tim was ready to kill something if Jason wasn’t.

He didn’t like either of them being alone on this kind of nights. It felt too much like a failure on his part.

The light in the bedroom was on. That was promising. Still, he didn’t call out a greeting. If Jason had managed to find some sleep, he wouldn’t disturb it yet.

Tim shed his costume quickly on his way to the shower, knowing that Jason would complain about the mess in the morning but not caring right now. Under the hot spray, he tilted his head back, letting himself soak in the warmth, before shampooing several times until he felt he had finally washed all the grit, dirt, sweat and blood out.

Despite how tired his muscles felt, he didn’t linger. There was a nervous energy under his skin still that didn’t allow him to just stand there and relax. He turned off the shower, toweling off only cursorily. He didn’t bother putting on any clothes.

As he had expected, Jason was in bed when he entered the room, probably not fully asleep any longer thanks to the noise of Tim’s shower. The reading light on the stand threw a warm glow over the scene that made it look even more inviting.

Tim silently padded over and crawled under the blanket with him. The way his boyfriend—Jason, whose first thought was still to hurt people—immediately reached for him even half asleep eased the ache in Tim’s heart a bit.

“Hey,” Jason murmured.

Tim pressed against him and hid his face in his neck for a long inhale before he murmured back, “Hey.”

“You okay?”

“Hmm.” Tim didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t think Jason did, either—what was there to say?—so he moved his head to kiss him instead.

Jason kissed him back, gently, lovingly.

Tim wasn’t in the mood for that. He was absolutely exhausted but still too keyed up to sleep. It was a familiar problem. Tim wasn’t going to choose coffee and late night investigations tonight, though. He wanted Jason and the pull-and-push that only sex with him could offer. Maybe that would be enough to get his mind some rest. He deepened the kiss, licking into Jason’s mouth to get at that familiar taste.

Confusingly, though, Jason pulled away and made a face at him: “You’re exhausted, love.”

Tim shrugged. Yeah, he usually was, so what? He barely ever slept well, Jason knew that. And Tim wanted him. Needed him, even.

But Jason kept evading him when Tim moved back in again until finally, Tim said: “Not too tired for this.”

“If we start that now, we’ll be up for another hour.”

Jason probably had had as long a day as him—he’d been the one to go back to Park Row after that mess they’d made of it. Tim only had had to deal with shareholders all day, not grieving communities. Jason must be exhausted. Maybe he shouldn’t push-

“Hey, no, that’s what I meant,” Jason soothed. “Just—wanna try something different tonight? I’ve been thinking…”

Tim smirked out of pure habit. “Oh?”

Jason chuckled but didn’t answer directly. “Trust me?”

“What kind of question is that?” Tim wouldn’t be here if he didn’t.

“Then follow my lead, okay?”

To his surprise, Tim now found himself gently being turned around. Though he followed Jason’s directions, he started asking “What—”

“Shh.” Jason pulled him closer. The heat of his chest against Tim’s back loosened tension in muscles he hadn’t even been aware of being tense. “Let me, okay? You’ve done enough.”

It felt… weird, to just lie there and let Jason touch him; wrong to not reciprocate.

Tim half-heartedly tried to turn around again. Jason didn’t exactly hold him down, but he was making himself heavy and solid behind and around him, making it impossible to move without completely dislodging him.

Tim didn’t want to.

Jason’s hands were rubbing gentle circles over his sides, his chest, his stomach. He was trying to soothe him, Tim’s brain told him, by keeping the touches intimate but non-sexual.

It took a while, but Tim let himself relax into it.

One hand moved upward and Tim fully expected it to pinch a nipple playfully, as Jason often did, gleefully exploiting Tim’s weaknesses. Instead, a single rough fingertip rested on its midpoint for a long moment, exerting only the most fleeting of pressures.

Tim realized he was holding his breath and exhaled. As a reward, Jason started gently circling the nub until it was drawn tight. Just as Tim began to squirm, however, he moved his hand to the other side.

“Can I tell you about my boyfriend?”

Tim had been so focused on the gentle sensation on his chest that he almost startled at the words. “Huh?”

Jason didn’t explain, just kept touching him and murmuring into his ear. “He’s so beautiful, you know? There’s so much terrible shit in this world and boy does he know it, but one smile from him… makes me feel like it’s going to be okay.”

Tim felt a blush form. “Jason…”

Again, Jason waited him out, waited before Tim had stopped squirming in embarrassment and was just enjoying his touches again before continuing: “It doesn’t stop there, either. He’s the smartest person I know—and I know a lot of geniuses, so I can tell. I love listening to him when he’s passionate about something.”

His other hand was stroking Tim’s thigh, careful not to irritate the ticklish skin there; moving up over his hips, spreading out over his belly for a moment of gentle appreciation before wandering downwards again.

“And he’s such a fighter. Gets up again and again and still spares me a smile. Honestly, I can barely believe that he calls me ‘his’ these days.”

Tim made one last effort to do something—to shut up Jason up, maybe, or make him never stop talking; to reciprocate the touches, the declarations of love, to make his partner feel at least as good. There was a little guilty voice telling him that he was failing again.

But Jason moved his hand to his hip to keep him from turning, pressing a kiss into his hair instead. “Let me? Please?”

And how could Tim say no to that? He settled down again.

“Touching him?” Jason continued. “That’s a gift. Makes everything feel real, but in a good way. I know he thinks he needs to keep me happy, but all I need is him close to me.”

Tim felt something in him settle. He felt heated and he was definitely aroused—his cock was dripping pre-come onto his stomach—but there was no urgency there. For once, there didn’t seem the need to do something.

“That’s good,” Jason told him. “Just relax. There’s no pain here. Never is, with you.”

The warmth and approval there made Tim want to sigh. He did when Jason finally reached down to take him in hand.

“He’s so incredible, my love is. Always taking care of everyone, whether we deserve it or not.”

Jason’s movements were slow, barely enough to register as pleasure. Tim considered bucking into his grip, riding it out as he usually would, but the thought floated away from him before it really registered. This was good.

When his partner moved his other hand away from his nipples, Tim barely noticed until Jason pressed the heel down below his collarbone gently. A bit to the left, a bit down, and a whisper: “Because that’s the most incredible thing, this heart right here. Strong, brave, loving. I could feel that heartbeat for the rest of my life and never need my own.”

By now, Tim was basically putty in Jason’s hands. Every touch felt so good, but there was no localization to it, just pleasure so lovely it made him feel he was floating. When he finally came, it only registered as gentle pulses of relief, nothing earth-shattering but almost transcendental.

Afterward, the world floated away for a bit.

When he came back, Jason was holding him in a tight embrace. Tim had switched positions again; his face was hidden against Jason’s neck, and he could smell the traces of his own shampoo lingering against it. Dimly Tim noted that this was the position they had started the night in, only this time, he was actually relaxed. He could fall asleep like that, he thought drowsily, as long as Jason never moved.

“Can I clean you up?” came the gentle question from above.

Tim considered it, then burrowed closer, shaking his head. He was acting irrational, he knew, the come drying on his skin would gross him out soon enough, but—he wanted Jason close for a little while longer.

Jason started stroking his hair gently with his clean hand. “Okay. I’m here.”

It took a while for Tim to loosen his grip, though he didn’t move away. There was no tension, still, but a bit more awareness. Jason must have sensed it, for he asked: “I’ll just reach over you for the tissues, okay?”

As he was gently cleaned up, Tim searched for a feeling of embarrassment; there was none. He just snuggled back into Jason’s arms and sighed happily at their warmth.

A thought came then. He vaguely remembered Jason at least half-hard against his back; honestly, it had kind of fled his mind later. He didn’t think Jason had gotten off, though, and the other man was still mostly hard.

However, when Tim vaguely started moving his hand downward, Jason just gently took it and held it in his own. “Nah, don’t bother. This was for you.”

Well, then. Tim swallowed and looked up at him and now—now—he could feel himself blush all the way down to his shoulders. He made himself say it: “I liked that a lot. Thank you.”

Jason beamed and pressed dry lips to his forehead. “I’m glad.”

“And… I love my boyfriend, too.”

Tim wanted to take these words back as soon as he said them. They had sounded cheesy but honest on Jason. Tim, however, definitely wasn’t made for that kind of stuff. Jason smiled like it was the best thing anyone had ever told him, though, so it was probably fine.

Last night’s failure had only receded, not disappeared. The light on the bedside table was still on. Tim knew Jason wouldn’t switch it off, not tonight.

It didn’t matter. Tim fell asleep.

#jaytim #batfam bingo 2019 #jason todd #tim drake #elareine writes #fanfic

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mfackenthal · 6 years

Text

MFackenthal: A Week in Reviews

Welcome all to the first ever “MFackenthal: A Week in Reviews” - the post where I list everything I have read this week and provide a short description to entice you to read them too. This is where we learn that I spend too much time on tumblr. As this is my first post like this – if you have suggestions for how I should do this post in the future – please let me know. I consider this blog always to be a “work in progress” and I welcome ideas for how best to organize things so to be better for you my dear readers!

What follows is a list of the fics I reviewed this week. Quick note: This list does not include headcanon posts, ABC posts or any post that wasn’t directly related to a story or storyline. This also only includes reblogs and not work I “liked” but wasn’t able to provide commentary on.

This means that if you want to find out what I specifically thought about each chapter, that can be found on my blog. To more easily search my blog, search the phrase “mfackenthal reviews ________” and fill in the blank with the blog name. IE “mfackenthal reviews maxattack-powell” to find the work I reblogged specifically by @maxattack-powell.

In case it’s not obvious: I recommend ALL of these fics and ALL of these authors. I cannot say enough about the fabulousness that is these authors.

The list is organized by love interest.

If the “read more” works then you’ll find the full list under the cut.

Maxwell:

1. Maxwell gets an education – MC can thank Adelaide later …

Wild Thoughts by @pbchoicesobsessed

Liam:

2. Does Liam even know what love is? Catch up with me – I think parts 7 and maybe even 8 are out now. I’ll be reading those this week for sure!

You Have Never Loved Me Part 4 by @kawairinrin

You Have Never Loved Me Part 5 by @kawairinrin

You Have Never Loved Me Part 6 by @kawairinrin

3. When a couple isn’t on the same page about children … when does separate pages turn into different books altogether? When mistakes are made how do we come back from that? I cannot wait to see where this series goes next!

An Heir (Part 16) by @viktoriapetit

An Heir (Part 18) by @viktoriapetit

An Heir (Part 19) by @viktoriapetit

An Heir (Part 20) by @viktoriapetit

4. Honestly – I live and breathe for this series! I am currently so pissed at Liam.

TSS: Part 35 by @choicesfanatic86

TSS: Part 36 by @choicesfanatic86

TSS: Part 37 (1/2) by @choicesfanatic86

TSS: Part 37 (2/2) by @choicesfanatic86

5. If I’m pissed at Liam in the TSS series, I am head-over-heals in love with him in this series. If this was the Liam of the books, Drake would not stand a chance.

If only: Chapter 9 by @choicesfanatic86

If Only: Chapter 10 by @choicesfanatic86

6. This story is about Liam and MC, but damn if I didn’t fall in love with Drake in this one.

Terrible Love – Chapter 15 by @confessionsofabrokegirl

Terrible Love – Epilogue by @confessionsofabrokegirl

7. The conversation you didn’t know you needed MC to have with Liam. It’s so beautiful!

Wait by @mrswalkerwrites

8. If MC is gonna be the mistress – she should have some fun – and she does! It’s not all fun though ...

The King’s Mistress by @captainkingliam

The King’s Mistress – The Duchy – Pt. 3 by @captainkingliam

9. All the Scandals that the King gets to see …

Arrangements by @hellospunkiebrewster

10. I’m still mourning the loss of the corgi. This story in three parts is sad, it’s angsty, it’s going to set us up for so much more drama.

When Three Became Two by @laniquelove

When They Give Up by @laniquelove

When They’ve Had Enough by @laniquelove

11. Husband and wife swap lives. Let’s just say she does a better job at being him than the reverse. A very humorous read.

Freaky Friday – Part 1 by @xxrainbowprincessxx

Freaky Friday – Part 2 by @xxrainbowprincessxx

12. If you haven’t started this series yet, it’s time to do so. Then start whining for more with me! Find out what happens with MC leaves, Liam is hurt, Olivia gets a little too much power, and Cordonia moves towards democratization ...

We the People Ch. 6 – A Dinner Party by @captainkingliam

Drake:

13. I am absolutely in love with this series. In the AU, everyone is working at an elementary school. I need more ASAP @larryssunflower!

TRR AU – Teachers (part three) by @larryssunflower

14. It’s built into the title – this is Everything You Ever Wanted. It’s funny. It’s creative. Read it.

Secrets – Part 12 of “Everything You Ever Wanted” by @lizeboredom

Foreign Affairs – Part 13 of “Everything You Ever Wanted” by @lizeboredom

14. This is another series that I live and breathe for. Catch up and learn one more reason why I hate Constantine!

Queen of My Heart – Chapter 19 by @walkerismychoice

Queen of My Heart – Chapter 20 by @walkerismychoice

15. I live for the snarky teasing that Drake provides as written by @tmarie82.

Fireside Games (Part 1) by @tmarie82

16. Did I mention that I love Drake and snark? Drake gets the last word in this fic …

Idle Threats by @lizeboredom

17. An AU where Drake met MC first and while he was in college … I can’t wait to see where this goes!

Bonfire by @traeumerinwitzhelden

18. When Drake is fluffy my heart melts.

3 AM by @drakewalkerwhipped

19. A Poly story where Savannah is less than supportive.

Ours Forever by @bobasheebaby

Conflict by @bobasheebaby

The Blow Up by @bobasheebaby

Bastien:

20. A slow burn that is anything but slow. Check this series out and you may never see Bastien quite the same way again …

More Than This – Part Seven by @honeylightningambition

More Than This – Part Eight by @honeylightningambition

Leo:

21. Liam and Leo fall for the same girl ... so far only one of them has admitted it ... Catch up on this series and cheer Leo on with me.

Duties of a Prince – Chapter 17 by @theroyalweisme

22. Catch up on this series and help me decide if I want the father to be Liam or Leo …

The Waterfall, part 7 of The Other Brother Series by @captainkingliam

The Test, part 8 of The Other Brother Series by @captainkingliam

Original Characters:

23. Okay – if I had to choose a favorite of the week – this would be my favorite. Of course, this piece was written for me and makes me character in the world of A Prince of the Sea as written by @captainkingliam. This references the only fic I have ever written and may be the only fic I ever write. (We’ll see.) I still claim what I wrote was more support than fic. You can read it here: The Case of the Maligned Prince. Luca sends me my favorite flowers. I love you, @captainkingliam!

The Case of the Maligned Prince – Luca Tribute by @captainkingliam

24. I love Luca! This is the series about Luca. I’m the president of a fanclub about Luca and his siblings. Obviously, I’m invested in this story and think you should be too. In case you don’t know, Luca is the oldest son of Riley and Liam and this story is about his social season.

A Prince of the Sea – Chapter 9 by @captainkingliam

A Prince of the Sea – Chapter 10 by @captainkingliam

A Prince of the Sea – Chapter 11 by @captainkingliam

Damien:

25. I know these were listed about but it’s a crossover. So I’ll simply repeat what I said above: It’s built into the title – this is Everything You Ever Wanted. It’s funny. It’s creative. Read it.

Secrets – Part 12 of “Everything you Ever Wanted” by @lizeboredom

Foreign Affairs – Part 13 by @lizeboredom

26. Damien gets played by MC. Win win really.

Tell Me You’re Mine by @mrsnazario1223

27. Romantic comedy meets realism in this beautiful fic.

The Moment by @mrswalkerwrites

Chris:

28. When MC feels guilty for spending time with Nathan …

Wake Me From This Nightmare by @darley1101

29. If you love Chris and haven’t yet found the better more thorough recount of The Freshman as written by @maxattack-powell, then today is your day! This chapter highlights the way Chris and MC support each other. I love it. You’ll also get just a little time with another OC who I love: Ethan.

The Freshman 2-8a: The Hospital by @maxattack-powell

30. Chris struggles with the “no strings attached” line he has given MC …

Caught During the Storm: Part 3 … Out Came the Sun … by @emerald-bijou

Seth:

31. When one Minah is mad at Seth … he finds comfort with a different Minah.

Lucky by @lizeboredom

Kenna x Val

32. Chapter 2 of 23 about the Queens of Stormholt. I’m a bit behind on reviewing this work, but I think we’re up to chapter 9. I’ll be reviewing this week, if I can. Catch up with me. If you read The Crown and The Flame – or even if you didn’t. It’s time for us to revisit it through this series.

The Queens of Stormholt: Chapter 2 by @kennaxval

note: Another big thanks to @drivenbyfantasy for creating the graphic. She and many others (notably: @maxattack-powell, @captainkingliam, @theroyalweisme, @trianiasti, @queencatherynerhys, @tmarie82, and @lizeboredom) helped me think through what this post would look like each week. Thank you to all of you for your help and to any of you who read this!

One final note: I reblogged 56 fics this week.

Yes, I have a problem. No, I don’t (yet) want help.

Last, but not least, on the off chance that I missed a fic that you know I reblogged, my apologies! It was unintentional and is not a reflection on you, but upon my inability to maintain my own blog. Also, if a link or a tag doesn’t work - I am sorry! My excuse: 56 links.

#mfackenthal reviews #mfackenthal's a week in reviews #this is where my life was this week #I should have been reading a book for book club #sorry not sorry #my addiction is real

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takivvatanga · 4 years

Text

keep trying.

“Why can’t we go get our shopping in the car, Mum? Mum?” Stella is in a terrible mood, dragging her feet as she follows her mother up the stairs leading out from the underground, her little shoulders slumped forward, hands stuffed into the pockets of her jeans, a scowl on her face.

Her mother doesn’t answer. She’s quiet today, quieter than usual. Stella doesn’t like it. Is she going to go away? She’s been doing that a lot, lately, retreating into some strange place deep inside her own mind, where Stella can’t follow, where Stella can’t reach. It makes her worry. What if she doesn’t come back? So far, she always has. But there’s a first time for everything, isn’t there? “Mum!” Louder, now. More insistent. No, petulant. Stella wants, above all, to be acknowledged. To be seen. To be heard. Maybe that is why she is so loud all the time, why she stomps her feet when she walks, why she likes to turn the volume on the TV all the way up. “Mum! Mum Mum Mum Mum! Can’t you hear me?!” I can hear you just fine, Stella. I’m just not listening. Today is a difficult day. Of late, every day has been difficult. Sometimes more, sometimes less. But it’s never easy. Assire doesn’t know why. She has a good life, really. A good life. Family, friends, a good job, a house with a beautiful garden. She shouldn’t feel like this and yet, she does. Fragile. As if she was slowly turning to glass, ready to shatter at the slightest touch, the tiniest sound. She can feel the cracks forming in the surface of her soul. Sometimes, it feels that keeping herself together, in one piece, is taking all her effort, all her energy. What will happen, once she has nothing left? Once there is nothing left of her? I have to keep trying.

Stella catches up to her mother, tugs first at the hem of her cardigan, then at her hand, proceeds to hang off her arm with all her weight, heavy like a stone. Stella is an active child, tall for her age. Strong. And angry. “Every single one of my friends and even all the people that aren’t my friends go to the shop in the car! What if anyone sees me having to carry all the stuff back on the train? It’s embarrassing, Mum.” Assire sighs heavily, tries to extricate her arm from Stella’s grip to no avail. She doesn’t have the strength, or the will, to argue. But Stella won’t let this go, will she? Stella has never known when or how to let things go. “Stella, you know that your Dad is at work. He’s had a terribly long week and I just… I want him to have a break on his days off. I want things to be done before the weekend.” I need him to know that he doesn’t have to do everything. That I can handle it. I don’t want to be a burden on him, he’s done so much already that he should never have had to do, all on his own. Because I was, I am useless and he deserves better. She can feel her stomach twist up, can feel the pressure of tears build behind her eyes, overcome by the sudden urge to shake off her daughter, to turn on her heel and run, not home, just...away. Keep it together, Assire.

“I’m not saying Dad should take us. Why can’t you drive? Why don’t you have a car?! All of my friends’ mums drive a car, every single one! And I have to ask for rides all the time because the train is stupid and it takes ages to get anywhere and then it’s late and it makes me late too. Why are we always late, Mum? I hate being late!” It’s too much. She’s saying too much, too many things that make Assire feel uncomfortably, no - painfully exposed. All these things that she feels bad about, all the pieces of her that don’t quite fit with the world, with how people should be. She’s saying too much, and Assire wishes she would stop. But Stella won’t stop. Stella has never known when or how to stop. ”Why do you never come to my hockey games? Why couldn’t you go to Katie’s big party? Everyone from school was there, everyone! And they all had their parents. Except for me because Dad had to stupid work and you… you said you couldn’t go but you weren’t even busy you just stayed home and went in the garden! You don’t even care about me!” ”Stella, please. We are in public.” Are people looking? Are they catching Stella’s accusations? Are they staring, are they noticing the dark circles under her eyes, her unwashed hair, her mismatched socks? But I’m trying! I’m trying! Stella’s eyes are dark with anger, her face flushed with rage. She’s so little, still, but she is so very powerful, even without knowing it. Assire loves her, she loves her so fiercely, she loves her like she has never loved anyone else, beyond compare. She loves her, and she doesn’t want to let her down. Not again. She promised herself that, once, didn’t she? She promised herself, and she promised Stella. Has she broken her promise? I’m not trying hard enough. But it’s so difficult, and I feel so powerless. Like all I can do is choose between watching and withdrawing. Because I don’t fit. I’m wrong in this world, just like I was wrong…in the one before. I’m wrong everywhere. Assire looks at Stella. I’m wrong even with you. But all I ever wanted to be was right.

“Why can’t you just be normal, Mum? Why do you have to be so…so fucking weird!?” ”Stella!” Stella tears herself from Assire’s arm, roughly, her cheeks glistening with tears. She’s stomping ahead now, her shoulders tense, her jaw clenched and her fists, her fists, clenched as well. Why can’t I just be normal? Why can’t I, not even for her? No matter how much I try? ”Because…” Her voice comes out much louder, much firmer than she expected it to. Is it her voice, even? Is she even real? Assire can’t feel her feet, even though she is walking. She can’t feel her fingertips, either. Assire looks down at her hands, half expecting them to have turned to ash, to dust, to smoke. Are these her hands? I’m… going away. But I don’t want to! I need to stay here, for her! For her, anything for her! ”Because I am afraid.” The truth. It is all she has. And it is what Stella deserves.

Stella stops in her tracks, turns around to face her mother, her hands on her hips, her expression turning from anger to startled disbelief. Adults aren’t supposed to be afraid. Especially not parents. They are supposed to be brave and strong and make you feel safe, no matter what. ”Why?”, she demands to know. “What is there to even be afraid of? I mean… a car is just a car, and a party is just a party, it’s supposed to be fun!”

“Oh, sweetheart. I know it’s… it’s complicated. You wouldn’t understand.” I hope that you never, never ever truly understand. What it is like. I hope that you don’t turn out like me. You can be anything, anyone you want, Stella. Don’t be like me. How I am. ”You always say that! You and Dad! It’s always complicated and then you either lie or, or- go away in your head!” ”I don’t lie, Stella.” ”Yes, you do! You lie! You both lie! You never tell me anything, you-“ ”Stella, enough.” Assire covers her mouth with her hands. She didn’t intend to put such force behind her words, didn’t intend to raise her voice. People are staring now, for sure. Stella is staring too – no, glaring. Her eyes are angry, but she has wrapped her little arms around herself and her head is half downcast. Stella is, above everything else, hurt. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Stella. I’m trying so hard to make things better but only end up making it worse. Stella turns away, trudges onwards, dragging her feet, her shoulders hunched. Assire follows, with apprehensive steps, her hands in her pockets to stop them from shaking. ”I have never lied to you, and I never will.” Saying nothing is not the same as lying. Some things…aren’t good for you to know. It is better that way, for you. Stella turns her head, tears still glistening on her cheeks. ”Do you promise?” ”Yes. I promise.” I will try. For you, I’ll always try. ”Mum?” She says it in her little kid voice. Stella is conceding. Assire has won, despite the fact that she didn’t even enter into the fight. It feels wrong, because Stella is right. She is missing out on things she shouldn’t be missing out on, she is carrying a burden no child should feel obligated to carry on behalf of their own mother. I have to try harder. Stella’s little hand, creeping into her pocket beside her own. Stella’s fingers, seeking hers. Her grip is tight and cool and a little sticky. ”I’m sorry that you are afraid. You don’t have to be, you know? Everything is okay, see? It’s all okay, Mum.” She sounds just like her father when she says it. It makes Assire feel guilty. Stella shouldn’t have to reassure her. And yet, she offers it without hesitation, despite her own anger, her own hurt feelings. ”Yes, sweetheart. I know. It just…doesn’t feel like it sometimes. Sometimes… it feels like nothing is okay, no matter what I choose, what I do. That is why I am afraid.” ”I understand.” She doesn’t, really. But she says it anyway. Because it’s the right thing to say, the thing her mother needs to hear. ”I’m sorry, Mum. For yelling at you. No one should have to be afraid. I just…I just wish everything was different, sometimes. Normal.” ”No, Stella. You don’t need to be sorry. But me… I am sorry, Stella. I can’t make things right that have already happened, but – I can keep trying.” Stella nods her head, chews her lower lip. It’s all a lot. A lot to try and wrap her head around, to fill in the blanks, the pauses, all the things that Assire isn’t saying as much as she can. Stella wishes she wasn’t so little. When I grow up, I’m gonna make everything change. I’ll make it so mum doesn’t have to be afraid of nothing. I’m gonna make it all okay. ”Can I get an ice cream at the shop?” ”Yeah. You can.” ”Mum?” ”Yes?” ”I’m proud of you. For…trying. It’s not nice, being afraid.” ”Why…thank you, Stella.” ”It’s okay.” No it isn’t. But I’m going to keep trying.

@starscorned gets tagged in this even tho it feels a little bit all over the show it’s still important and we love one weird family

#vignette: assire #vignette: stella #verse: modern #i love them and it's complicated #i get mad at assire because she reverses roles and stella has to be the adult #she shouldn't have to do that #but assire is trying and she is aware of the fact that what she is doing isn't good #honestly she is...not a bad parent but a difficult one #i'm not 100% happy with this like it feels like the scene needs tightening up more #but i wrote something for the first time in a while and it makes me happy

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ahh-fxck · 3 years

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Warrior’s Blues Ch 11: What Would I Do Without You?

WOW! It is finally here, the much-awaited chapter 11 of Warrior’s Blues! As @stressedspidergirlsfandomblog (most excellent editor and co-creator of this fic) can tell you, getting this chapter into shape was uphill both ways in the snow. I am super pleased with how it shaped up though, and I think you guys will like it, too!

Jaskier shows up to work after Yennefer’s visit drunk, and his best friend is there to help him sort himself out. CW for smoking, drinking, implied death of an OC, grieving

Please let me know if you’d like to be tagged (or untagged) for future updates!!

@astouract @ladyknight-keladry @yes-im-the-violin-girl @smolpoe

Rating: M