#I had a name for it but I kind of used it for something else after so now it feels weird to call it that

[itneverendshere]

you said i have to trust more freely - r.c series (four)

requested here; (one); (two); three

pairing: rafe x pogue!reader(the duff inspired) word count: 5k

Why did it feel like his stomach dropped out his ass when Nate showed up? 

It wasn’t like he actually expected you to choose him over Nate. The guy was practically perfect—your textbook version of what a guy should be. Clean, nice, predictable. The opposite of him.

But watching you hesitate like you were weighing your options right in front of him? That hurt like a bitch and he hated how much it did.

He couldn’t shake that look in your eyes.

Like you weren’t sure what you wanted anymore. While every time you were around, he didn’t know what the hell he was doing. It’d been like that since the beginning, even back at that party when you tossed your drink in his face after he called you that stupid fucking name. He could still remember the way you glared at him, cheeks flushed and eyes blazing. He’d been a cocky little shit, sure, but that fire in you? It hooked him.

Yeah, he liked messing with you. Always had. But lately, it didn’t feel like just messing around anymore. It felt different. It felt like he was doing it because he didn’t know how else to get close to you.

And now Nate was here, acting like he had some claim. Offering you lunch like it was some kind of test. Rafe should’ve laughed it off. Should’ve let you go. But instead, he was standing there, watching the whole thing go down, and all he wanted to do was grab you by the hand and pull you out of there. Away from Nate. 

Away from all this... bullshit. There he was, full-on spiraling because of a girl. Because of you.

He knew he was developing feelings, had been knowing, which terrified him because it was unfamiliar territory—he was used to being in control and suppressing emotions, not feeling vulnerable or emotionally attached.

Because maybe, just maybe, he didn’t want to be the guy you rolled your eyes at anymore. Maybe he was done playing the part of the asshole who didn’t give a fuck. 

Shoving his hands in his pockets, Rafe walked faster, trying to shake off the feeling. But he knew. It was the way you laughed when you were around him, even when you were annoyed. The way you always gave as good as you got. The way you’d looked at him today—like maybe, just maybe, you weren’t as immune to him as you tried to be.

You were off having lunch with Nate.

The safe choice. And if there was one thing Rafe Cameron wasn’t? It was safe. And maybe, deep down, he hoped that was the reason you wouldn’t be able to walk away from him for good.

He kept walking, his footsteps loud in his head, like each step was trying to drown out the voice that was screaming at him to turn around. To go back and say something. Anything. But he didn’t. He wasn’t that guy. Not the one to chase after someone, to make a big scene. No, he was the one who sat back, arms crossed, and watched the whole thing play out like it didn’t bother him. Like it wasn’t tearing him up inside.

Rafe realized he was pissed. Not at Nate. The guy was just playing his part. But at you. No, not really at you either. He was pissed at himself. For letting things get this complicated. For letting you get under his skin the way you had.

It wasn’t like you were his. It wasn’t like he had any right to be jealous.

But damn, the way Nate had just swooped in like it was nothing, like it was so obvious you’d say yes to him. The dude barely had to try, and there you were, actually considering it. Maybe you even wanted him to. He stopped walking, running a hand through his hair, trying to clear his head. 

Screw this. He needed to get out of here, away from the whole situation. Maybe blow off some steam, hit the gym, or go for a drive. But the thought of you sitting there with Nate, laughing, maybe even flirting—it was enough to make his jaw clench.

What if you were actually into that guy? What if all this back-and-forth with him was just... nothing to you? Some game you were playing because you liked the attention, but when it came down to it, you’d always pick someone like Nate?

If you picked Nate, fine. But if there was even a part of you that was feeling the same thing he was—if there was even a chance you weren’t as over him as you pretended to be? He wasn’t going to let you walk away that easily.

Not without a fight.

Rafe dug his phone out of his pocket, stared at the screen for a second. He could text you. Could hit you with some sarcastic line, ask how lunch with Captain America was going, but it felt... small. Petty. And, honestly, he didn’t want to come off as that guy—the jealous, insecure type. But not doing anything felt worse, like he was just letting things slip through his fingers.

He leaned against a nearby fence, staring off into the distance. Part of him was waiting for some kind of sign. Like maybe you’d ditch Nate and text him instead. Maybe you’d realize that this whole thing with Nate was boring, that you needed something more. 

Or maybe you wouldn’t. Maybe you’d laugh and smile at Nate’s predictable jokes, and that’d be it. You’d pick the guy, the one your friends would probably approve of. The one who didn’t make you feel like you were on a rollercoaster every time you were around him.

Rafe kicked the fence post. He hated this. Hated feeling out of control, like someone else was calling the shots. Like you were making choices that didn’t involve him.

And yet, there he was. Waiting.

He was about two seconds away from hurling his phone into the bushes when it buzzed in his hand. His heart actually stopped for a second. No way. There was no way.

He glanced at the screen, and there it was—your name, lighting up his phone.

Every instinct told him to play it cool. Let it ring a few times, don’t seem desperate. But his hand moved on its own, thumb swiping across the screen before he could stop it. He brought the phone up to his ear, heart hammering in his chest, trying to sound normal.

“Yeah?” he said, trying to keep his voice steady, like he wasn’t dying inside.

And just like that, everything else—Nate, the frustration, the whole stupid back-and-forth—faded into the background. Because right now, you were calling him.

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Lunch with Nate was proving to be exactly what you expected: normal. easy. boring.

He talked about his classes, his weekend plans, asked you a couple of questions about your own. And you answered, smiling, nodding, doing all the things you were supposed to do. But your mind? It was somewhere else entirely.

It was with Rafe. With the way he looked at you before he left, like he was daring you to stop him. Like maybe he wanted you to say something, anything, to keep him from walking out. And as much as you tried to ignore it, that little flutter in your chest hadn’t gone away.

“So, how’s studying going?” Nate asked, pulling you back to the conversation.

“Huh? Oh, yeah, it’s fine. Just... a lot,” you mumbled, forcing a smile.

Nate raised an eyebrow, clearly picking up on the fact that you weren’t all there. “You sure? You seem a little distracted.”

You hesitated, your mind flashing back to Rafe. To the way he’d been so close to you during your study session, leaning in like he had every intention of pushing your buttons. But it wasn’t just that. It was the way he’d talked about the bonfire, about seeing you as more than just someone to mess with. And for the first time, it felt like maybe Rafe wasn’t just a flirt. Maybe he was actually trying to tell you something.

“I’m fine,” you lied, stabbing at your sandwich with way too much enthusiasm.

But you weren’t fine. Not even close.

You knew why. Sitting here with Nate, everything felt... off. It was like you were trying to make this picture-perfect version of your life fit, but the edges weren’t lining up. You were supposed to want this—supposed to be happy that the guy you’d been into for months was finally showing interest. But instead, all you could think about was Rafe. About the way your heart had sped up when he looked at you, the way his voice dropped when he was being serious, when he wasn’t hiding behind that smirk.

God, why couldn’t you stop thinking about him?

Nate cleared his throat, snapping you out of it again. “You sure you’re good? You’ve been pretty quiet.”

You bit your lip, nodding, but it was like the words were stuck in your throat. “Yeah. Just... got a lot on my mind, I guess.”

Like how you might’ve just let Rafe walk away.

Nate didn’t push it, and part of you was relieved. The other part? It was screaming at you to stop pretending. To be honest, at least with yourself. Because the truth was, as much as you wanted to want Nate, you couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe, just maybe, Rafe was the one you should’ve been sitting with right now.

And that scared you. Because choosing Rafe meant choosing chaos. It meant diving headfirst into something that had no guarantees, something that could blow up in your face. But it also meant feeling alive. Because with him, everything was more intense. More real.

As you and Nate left the sandwich shop, walking back to campus, you couldn’t help but glance around, half-expecting to see Rafe somewhere. But he wasn’t there. He was gone, and now you were stuck wondering if maybe you’d just made a huge mistake.

Nate smiled, oblivious to the storm inside your head. “So, you wanna do this again sometime?”

Your heart sank a little at the question. Because the answer should’ve been a yes, no hesitation. But instead, all you could think about was Rafe. About how you wished you were with him, laughing, arguing, feeling that electric tension that seemed to hang in the air whenever he was around.

You swallowed, forcing a smile. “Yeah, sure.”

But as the words left your mouth, you knew you were lying.

And Nate, being Nate, didn’t seem to notice. He was still smiling, probably thinking the lunch went fine, like everything was falling into place just the way he thought it should. But you? Your mind was miles away, stuck on other guy and the way he’d left without looking back.

You felt like you should say something to him, like you should be more present in the moment, but every time you opened your mouth, nothing came out. 

Did you really want Nate? Or had you just been chasing the idea of him this whole time because it was easy, because it was safe? Because he was the kind of guy you grew up thinking you should be with?

But then there was Rafe. And the more you tried to push him out of your head, the more he stayed there, taking up space, making everything with Nate feel... dull in comparison.

“So, I was thinking,” Nate said, breaking the silence, “Maybe we could check out that movie this weekend? You know, the one you mentioned a while back?”

His voice pulled you out of your thoughts, and you blinked, trying to focus. “Oh. Yeah, maybe.”

But the truth was, you didn’t care about the movie. You didn’t care about any of it right now.

“Hey, you okay?” Nate’s voice snapped you back again, his eyes narrowing in concern.

You plastered on a smile, nodding quickly. “Yeah, sorry. Just... distracted, I guess.”

 “Well, if you’re busy this weekend, we can always reschedule.”

“I’ll let you know,” you replied, hoping he wouldn’t push it any further.

Nate nodded, but you could tell he wasn’t convinced. And honestly?

Neither were you.

By the time you made it back to your dorm, you were mentally exhausted. Nate had left with a casual wave and a promise to text you later, but as soon as he was out of sight, you let out a long breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding.

You sat on the edge of your bed, staring at your phone like a fucking idiot. But no messages came in, no missed calls from Rafe or anyone else. It was just you, sitting there, replaying the whole afternoon in your head.

Why did everything feel so wrong with Nate? He was supposed to be the plan. He was supposed to be your choice. The easy, right choice.

Suddenly, your phone buzzed in your hand, pulling you out of your thoughts. Your heart jumped in your chest as you glanced down, half-expecting it to be Rafe. But it wasn’t. It was Nate, sending a follow-up text about the weekend plans.

You stared at the message for a long moment, your thumb hovering over the keyboard.

What were you doing? Why were you still holding onto this idea of Nate when your heart was clearly somewhere else? Somewhere messy, complicated, and... dangerous.

Before you could stop yourself, you closed out of Nate’s message and opened Rafe’s contact. Your thumb hovered over his name for a second before you hit "Call."

The phone rang once. Twice. Your heart pounded in your chest as the seconds dragged on. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe you should just hang up before he—

“Yeah?” Rafe’s voice came through the line, a little gruff but unmistakable.

You froze for a second, suddenly unsure of what to say. But then you took a deep breath. “Hey, uh... you busy?”

There was a pause, and you could almost hear the smirk in his voice. “What, finally realizing Nate’s not as fun as you thought?”

 “Something like that.”

There was a beat of silence, and you thought maybe he was going to tease you some more. But then his voice softened, just like it had earlier. “You wanna meet up?”

Your heart skipped a beat. “Yeah. I think I do.”

Another pause, and then: “Same spot?”

You knew exactly what he meant. The library, third floor, in the corner where you’d been studying. You nodded, even though he couldn’t see it. “Yeah. I’ll be there.”

“See you in a few.”

And just like that, the line went dead. What had you just done? 

You hung up, heart racing like you’d just agreed to do something you weren’t supposed to. But wasn’t that the whole point? This thing with Rafe—it was unpredictable, messy, and completely off-script. 

As you grabbed your jacket and headed out the door, you couldn't help but feel like you were crossing some kind of line. With Nate, things were clear-cut, easy. But with Rafe? It was like stepping into the unknown. You knew there was a chance this whole thing could blow up in your face, but for once, you didn’t care.

You wanted real. You wanted fire. And right now, that was Rafe.

As you walked to the library, the campus around you blurred, your thoughts spinning back to every moment you’d had with him. Every teasing comment, every cocky grin, every time he’d gotten under your skin without even trying. Maybe you had been pretending with Nate—pretending to want something you were never actually sure about.

But with Rafe? You weren’t pretending. Even when it terrified you.

When you reached the third floor of the library, it was quiet, almost too quiet. Your footsteps echoed as you made your way to the spot you both knew so well. And there he was, leaning back in his chair like he didn’t have a care in the world, like he wasn’t the reason you’d been tied up in knots all day.

You rolled your eyes and crossed the room, dropping into the chair across from him. “Don’t start,” you warned, though the edge in your voice was weaker than you wanted it to be.

Rafe’s grin widened. “What, can’t handle me being right for once?”

You scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest. “Right about what? You being a total pain in my ass? Sure, I’ll give you that.”

He leaned forward, resting his chin on his hand like he was amused by your whole existence. “C’mon, you know why you’re here.”

“So,” you started, trying to act casual, like your heart wasn’t pounding out of your chest. “I guess lunch with Nate didn’t really do it for me.”

He raised an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth twitching up in amusement. “No shit. Figured as much.”

You rolled your eyes, but you couldn’t help the smile that crept up. “Why are you so smug about it?”

“Because,” he said, leaning forward, resting his elbows on the table, “I knew you’d come back.”

Your breath caught in your throat at how sure he sounded.

Of course he knew. That cocky, self-assured grin of his said it all. He’d been waiting for this moment—waiting for you to realize what he had probably known all along.

And damn if it didn’t piss you off.

You sat down across from him, trying to hold onto the last shreds of your resolve, but it was slipping. Fast. Because the way he was looking at you? Like he was daring you to admit what you were really feeling—it was messing with your head.

“So, what now?” you asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

Rafe crossed his arms, biceps bulging in his stupid polo, like he was giving you all the space in the world to figure it out. “That’s up to you.”

That’s the thing about him—he could act all indifferent, like he wasn’t bothered, but you could see it. There was something behind his eyes, just barely kept in check. And it wasn’t nothing. It wasn’t just some game to him. Not anymore.

But you weren’t ready to give him that satisfaction. Not yet. 

“What makes you so sure I’m not just here to tell you I’m picking Nate?”

That smirk faltered for just a second. “You’re not.”

You couldn’t be. 

“How do you know?”

“Because if you were, you wouldn’t have called me.”

The way he said it—so simple, so damn certain—made your heart skip. He was right, and you hated that he knew it. Hated that he had this pull on you that no one else ever had. But at the same time, you couldn’t deny the truth. Not when it was staring you in the face, wearing a smug expression and leaning back like he had all the time in the world.

“What if I did?” you shot back, still trying to hold your ground.

He shrugged, that infuriating grin never leaving his face. “Then I guess I’d have to live with that. But I’m not worried.”

Lies.

You narrowed your eyes at him, “You’re so damn cocky, you know that?”

“I’ve been told,” he said with a wink.

You wanted to roll your eyes again, to act like he wasn’t getting to you. But he was. And he knew it.

You rested your elbows on the table, your eyes meeting his. “And what if I told you I wasn’t sure? What if I told you I’m still figuring it out?”

He didn’t flinch. Didn’t move. Just kept his eyes locked on yours, like he was seeing right through the bullshit. “Then I’d tell you to take your time. Figure it out.”

The way he said it—so calm, so sure—made your stomach twist. He wasn’t asking you to pick him. He was daring you to. Because Rafe didn’t do half-measures. He didn’t do safe. He was all or nothing, and right now? He was putting it all on the table.

All you could think about was the way your heart was hammering in your chest, the way every part of you was screaming that this—this—was what you really wanted.

And that’s when it hit you: you weren’t scared of Rafe. You were scared of how much you wanted him.

“Rafe, I—” You stopped yourself, unsure of where you were even going with that.

His expression softened, just a fraction. “What? What do you want to say?”

You wanted to say everything. That you weren’t just messing with him anymore either, that you couldn’t stop thinking about him, that you were tired of pretending like Nate was some perfect choice when he wasn’t even in the same league. But saying all that? To someone who hurt you so much before?

He had that look, like he knew exactly what was going through your mind but was giving you space to figure it out on your own. But you weren’t sure. You weren’t sure if you were ready to say it out loud. Admitting how much Rafe meant to you felt like letting him win, like handing him all the power. And after everything, after all the back-and-forth, you didn’t want to be that vulnerable. Not with him.

“I know I’ve been an asshole,” he started, almost hesitant. “All those years, the shit I said—it wasn’t right. You didn’t deserve that. You don’t deserve that.”

Your breath caught in your throat. 

He ran a hand through his hair, like he was trying to figure out how to keep going. “I just... I don’t know. It was easier to push you away, to act like I didn’t give a fuck, you know? Like messing with you made it better somehow. But it didn’t.” He paused, his voice softening. “It made me feel like shit.”

You didn’t say anything. You couldn’t. You just sat there, staring at him, trying to process the fact that Rafe Cameron—Rafe—was apologizing.

He swallowed, looking down for a second before meeting your eyes again.

 “I know I’m a mess. Hell, I’ve always been a mess. And I get why you’d pick someone like Nate. The guy who won’t make you lose sleep wondering what the hell is going on.” He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “But the truth is, I fucked up. I’ve been fucking up since the beginning. With you, with us. And I hate that I did that." He pushed back slightly, running a hand over his face like he was frustrated with himself. “I’m not good with this... with feelings. With being upfront. But I’m trying, okay? I’m trying to figure it out. I don’t expect you to forgive me just like that or trust me after everything I’ve pulled. But I want you to know I’m not the same guy I was back then. It sounds fucking insane, but I’m not. I want to be better. For you. Because, fuck, I don’t want to lose you to some guy just because I couldn’t admit I was scared of this—of us.”

You bit your lip, not trusting yourself to speak just yet.

“And look, I know I’ve made it hard for you to believe me,” he said, his voice softer now, more honest than you’d ever heard him. “But you should know that you’re not just some game to me. Not anymore. You’re... everything I’ve been too afraid to want.”

The guy who spent years acting like nothing could touch him, like he was untouchable, was now sitting across from you, pouring his heart out. And you had no idea what to say.

Your mind was racing. It felt like everything you thought you knew about him, about what you were feeling, was suddenly flipped upside down. You'd always assumed Rafe would never be the guy who’d sit down and admit he was scared of something, especially not scared of you.

But here he was, looking like he was waiting for you to say something—anything.

What? What were you even supposed to say? That you forgave him? That you didn’t? That you were still figuring out how you felt about everything? You weren’t even sure yourself. But you did know one thing—whatever this was—it was real. 

You couldn’t deny that anymore.

“You don’t have to say anything. I just needed you to know that I’m not going to play around anymore. Not with you.”

Your heart clenched at that. And the thing was, you could see it in his eyes—he meant it. There was no teasing smirk, no cocky attitude. Just him. Raw and real and honest in a way that caught you completely off guard.

And suddenly, you realized that was what scared you the most. Not Rafe, but the way he made you feel. The way he pushed you to stop pretending, to be real, even when it terrified you.

You stared at him, feeling like your brain was short-circuiting. He was spilling his guts to you. It felt... unreal, and you were torn between wanting to laugh and maybe freak out a little.

All you could think was, How the hell am I supposed to handle this? This wasn’t what you were expecting. Not from him.

“So, what,” you started, leaning back a bit, trying to keep your voice casual, “you’re just, like, a totally different person now? Is this the part where you tell me you’ve been secretly going to therapy or something?”

Rafe’s lips twitched, but he didn’t fully smile. “No, not exactly,” he said, running a hand through his hair. “But... I’ve been trying to figure shit out. With myself. With us.”

With us. Your stomach did this stupid little flip at that, but you ignored it. “That’s a big statement, Cameron. You’ve had, like, two whole epiphanies and suddenly you’ve got everything figured out?”

He sighed, “I’m not saying I’ve got it all figured out, alright? I’m just trying to be honest for once. I’m done screwing around with you.”

His tone was sincere, and as much as you wanted to keep teasing him, the look in his eyes made your throat tighten a bit. You shifted in your seat, your mind running a million miles an hour.

“I mean, I guess that’s an improvement,” you muttered, keeping it light even though your heart was pounding.

Rafe raised an eyebrow. “You guess?”

“Well, yeah,” you said, crossing your arms and giving him a pointed look. “You were, let’s see, kind of a dick for a long time.”

He didn’t argue. “Yeah. I was.”

That caught you off guard. No defense, no excuses. Just... agreement. 

“Okay, so... what now?” you asked, trying to play it cool. “You apologize, and I just forget all the crap from before? You’re really not making this easy,” you said, trying to keep your tone light, but your voice betrayed you, sounding a little too soft.

Rafe shrugged, that little smirk threatening to return. “Didn’t think you wanted easy.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, trying to keep your composure. “You think you know me so well, huh?”

“Better than you think.”

Your heart raced. “Right, because I just love being confused and frustrated. It’s my favorite hobby.”

He chuckled, clearly enjoying this back-and-forth. “Well, you could always just admit that you’re intrigued. That might save us both some time.”

“Intrigued? Please. More like I’m questioning my life choices.”

Rafe leaned forward, “Hey, at least it’s not boring, right? I mean, look at us. This is way more interesting than whatever you were doing with Nate.”

You couldn’t argue with that. “True. But interesting doesn’t mean it’s not a total trainwreck waiting to happen.”

“Maybe,” he said, “But it could also mean something different.”

 “You’re really pulling out all the stops, huh?” you said, trying to lighten the mood again. “What’s next? A serenade?”

“Actually, I’m not a bad singer,” he quipped, flashing that trademark grin. “But I think I’ll spare you the performance for now.”

“Wow, I’m overwhelmed by the humility.”

He chuckled softly, “You love it. And you know it.”

There it was again—the way he said things like it was a fact, like he could read you better than you could read yourself. And the worst part? He wasn’t exactly wrong.

“You don’t know everything about me, Rafe,” you said, your voice quieter now, but not weak. 

His smile softened, just barely, like he heard what you weren’t saying out loud. 

“Maybe not everything. But enough to know you’re not here by accident.”

It was easier to blame the pull he had on you. But deep down, you knew it wasn’t just him. You were here because something between the two of you, no matter how messy, no matter how confusing, felt unfinished.

You crossed your arms, trying to gain some control of the situation. “You’re awfully confident for someone who doesn’t have all the answers.”

“Not all of them,” he agreed, leaning back in his chair again, “But I know enough to know I’m not letting you go without a fight.”

There it was. That line you didn’t know you were waiting for. The line that said this wasn’t just some flirty game for him anymore. That maybe he was as scared of losing you as you were of admitting how much you wanted him.

And in that moment, sitting across from him, with all his defenses down and no jokes left to deflect with, you realized something terrifying: you weren’t ready to walk away either.

“Well,” you said, your voice softer, “I guess we’ll see if you’re really up for it, won’t we?”

His eyes locked onto yours, something serious flickering there for a moment before he nodded. “Yeah. We will.”

[aniesvision]

𝑵𝒐𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒚𝒑𝒆 | 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝟐

𓅷𓃗 𝙽𝚒𝚌𝚔, 𝙼𝚊𝚝𝚝 𝚂𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚘𝚕𝚘 𝚡 𝙵! 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛

𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒕'𝒔 𝒑𝒐𝒗, 𝒔𝒖𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒗𝒆, 𝒌𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈

𝚊/𝚗: 𝒉𝒆𝒚𝒚 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆'𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒅 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒇𝒊𝒄, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆'𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒐 𝒊 𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒆𝒏𝒋𝒐𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒐𝒏𝒆, 𝒆𝒏𝒈𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒉 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒖𝒂𝒈𝒆 ☕︎

𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢: 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑴𝒂𝒕𝒕 𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒄𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒕𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒕𝒔 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎?

Matt's pov

I was scrolling through tiktok when I found that account. A few comments mentioned it, making me curious to check it out. They were so sure it was her old account, bringing up tweets about things she'd definitely say nowadays, stuff about me and my brothers when she was just a fan, it made me think of what she used to say.

I searched the name up and it popped out immediately, she didn't have a lot of followers but there were a lot of tweets. I started to read a few, not minding most of them since it was just random comments about her life or about our videos. I was about to leave the website when one of her tweets got my attention.

3rd person

Matt's eyes immediately widen at the words he is reading. He couldn't even believe his friend would say something like that about him, but the really surprising thing was that he liked it.

He continued reading some tweets, taking screenshots and finding it amusing to know how you really feel about him, or felt, he wasn't sure, those tweets were from months ago.

A few days passed and Matt still couldn't take your tweets out of his mind. He wanted to talk to you, but didn't know how he could confront you about it without it being weird or uncomfortable, so he decided to talk to Nick.

He asked Nick to ask you about that account, showing him screenshots with some of your tweets that weren't so explicit like the last one he saw, but that you still were talking about Matt. He wanted to know if things changed or not, but he wasn't sure how he'd react to any of the possible answers you could give.

And then, the next day, Nick was pissed at you, and Matt had an idea why, but he'd let his brother calm down before asking anything else.

Matt's mind was full of questions and assumptions. Your account was deleted and Matt noticed it, he went back to read more but now he couldn't. It made him even more sure Nick talked to you and he was so curious to know if Nick was pissed because you thought those things before, if it was because you still think like that, or something else entirely.

But the next day, you and Nick were fine again. He went to your apartment and left Matt wondering when he'd get any answers, his anxiety to know more was almost making him do something stupid like calling you. He didn't need to, though, Nick's text popped up at the same time Matt was about to take his desperate action.

Nick: She denied but I'm pretty sure she's still a matt girlie

Matt's pov

So what now? What the fuck do I do with this information? I'm not going to confront her about it, I shouldn't even bring this up. I shouldn't even be thinking about it. If she denied it, then maybe she doesn't feel like that anymore and Nick's just being insane, but for some strange reason I kind of want Nick to be right about it.

I put my phone down, deciding to play Fortnite and forget all about this stupid situation for a while.

3rd person

Meanwhile...

-Are you kidding me, Nick? Why would you say that? -You ask, trying to get his phone and delete the text he just sent to his brother.

-What? It's true. -He laughs, slapping your arms away.

-He's gonna think I'm into him. -You throw your arms up, rolling your eyes and making a beeline to sit next to him on the couch.

-Girl. -He tilts his head to the side, giving you a knowing look.

-I'm not into him, Nick. -You're quick to reply.

-Yeah, you're right, you're not into Matt. -Nick smiles, turning his attention back to his phone. -You're just in love with him. -He continues, laughing when you slap his arm.

-You're crazy. -You shake your head, noticing that trying to argue with him wasn't going to change anything.

You cross your arms, reach for the remote and press play on a random show to distract yourself. Gladly Nick didn't insist on the subject and changed completely the mood by showing you cute videos of babies interacting with animals and Matt was long forgotten.

Unfortunately time passes and Nick needs to go home, which means Matt is going to pick him up at your apartment. You try to ignore this fact, but Nick is way too immersed in making you confess that you like his brother. That's why he made up an excuse and asked Matt to come upstairs.

Nick locked himself in the bathroom, and just a few seconds later you heard knocks on your door. You open it just to find Matt waiting on the other side, your cheeks blushing already.

-Hey. -Matt says, giving you a small smile.

-Hi. Nick's in the bathroom. -You step aside to let him in, trying to sound as natural as possible.

Matt nods, taking a seat on your couch while you lock the door. Obviously Nick did it on purpose, he wasn't going to come out of the bathroom so soon. You sit next to Matt, cross-legged, reaching for the water bottle on the coffee table.

-So... -He starts, adjusting himself and clearing his throat. -The tweets...? -He goes straight to it, making you almost choke.

-Matt, I'm really sorry. -You set the water bottle down, turning your head to look at him, but he interrupts you.

-Do you still think like that or you're over me already? -He playfully asks, with a smirk that makes your heart beat faster.

-I'm... -You start, but you have no idea what to say. A sigh leaves your lips and he notices the turmoil in your eyes.

-I don't mind them, in fact, I kinda liked to know you liked me that much. -Matt turns his body to face you, resting his arm on top of the couch, just behind your head.

You decided to take that as a joke so as not to embarrass yourself too much. Letting go of a breathly laugh you roll your eyes, playfully pushing him.

-Shut up, I was a fan, alright? It's not the same now, I wouldn't say those things about my friends. -You furrow your eyebrows, trying to convince him.

-Are you sure? Because I think you still like me. -He raises one hand in defense, leaning slightly closer.

-I do like you, as my dearest friend. -You tilt your head to the side with a playful smile.

Although you were still nervous, it was good to know he wasn't mad at you, and the way you could talk about it so easily was a relief.

He chuckles at your response, getting even closer to you and you swore you saw his eyes flicking to your lips for a second.

-Friend, huh? -He asks, in a lower teasing voice. -That's funny, Nick told me you're into me.

Your eyes widen slightly, not expecting him to bring this up. The mask you built to hide your true feelings about this was fading away and just like that it was like he could see all your deepest secrets through your eyes.

-Nick has no clue what he's talking about. -You reply, watching nervously as he leans closer and closer to you.

-He's normally right about things, though. -Matt shrugs, tilting his head slightly like he was mocking you.

-Not this.

You two stare at each other for a second. It seemed like years were passing by, the time stopping just so you could look at him, his eyes so attentively searching for any hints of what you were thinking, his cheeks slightly pink and his lips curled up in a smirk that made him look like he knew exactly what to say, like he knew everything about you already.

-Well, that sucks, I was hoping you'd like me back.

His words echoed in your mind. Like him back? You wondered if he was still joking or if he meant it. He slowly starts to lean backward, making you even more confused.

-You like me? -You ask, confused, but sounding desperate to hear his response, to hear his assurance.

-I thought Nick told you that. -He chuckles, using his hand that was on top of the couch to brush a strand of your hair behind your ear.

-I thought he was lying. -You basically whisper, unsure of how things are going to be now.

Matt looks at you with a soft smile, caressing your cheek and pulling you so close that your noses are touching. Your breathing hitches and he notices it immediately, rubbing his thumb against your skin gently.

-He wasn't. -His voice is low but firm, wanting you to believe him.

A smile grows on your face, the situation making you giddy. It was so unreal, yet so right. He lifts your head slightly so you are looking into his eyes.

-Can I kiss you now? -He asks, and although he sounded calm, his eyes showed a certain kind of desperation.

When you nod, he quickly presses his lips against yours, cupping your cheeks as if you were going to disappear at any second. He was trying so hard to keep it slow and soft, but he waited a long time to do this. Before he even knew about the tweets, you passed through his mind a lot more than he wanted to, but knowing he had a chance he knew he had to take it.

His lips moved precisely and desperately against yours, one of his hands sliding slowly to your waist, squeezing it lightly and taking your small gasp as an opportunity to slide his tongue in and brush it against yours. It was so perfect and you two were so caught up in the kiss that neither of you heard the bathroom door open.

Matt was about to lay you down on the couch when he heard a scream. You and Matt quickly pull away from each other, turning your heads to the sound.

-I knew it! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it. -Nick yells in a singing voice.

You laugh timidly, your cheeks burning and turning extremely red, and you turn your head to the opposite side to hide it. In the meanwhile, Matt rolls his eyes, grabbing a cushion and throwing it harshly at his brother.

-Fucking idiot. -Matt sighs, annoyed, ignoring his brother's laugh and little dance.

𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒔 ✍︎

➪ @riowritesitall @mattsfavbigtitties @sturniolosarethebest @hyacinthst @flow3rsturns13 @sturncakez @watercolorskyy @delooshunalhoe @sarosfilms @blahbel668 @sturniyolo69 @sturniolosl0t @sturnsxbitvh @colbsposts00 @fallingforfalll2 @stvrnmc @starnoirr @katie-tibo @sturnioloblues @monroesturnns @mattnchrisworld @shaquilles-0atmeal @fratbrochrisgf @dayzeandhaze @sharkcat1928 @phimstarz @h3arts4harry @s1ut4chris @star-yawnznn @asherrisrandom @pip4444chris @jupiter1700

[peachdues]

Hii mind giving us a mini teaser for compass 3?

Oh okay, fine. You got me in a good mood /lh (anything for my babies!!)

I love you, Sanemi.

He’d done something curious; there’d pain in his eyes, enough that it had felt like a lightning bolt to the heart. You’d nearly thought that pain was born from a place of rejection; a hurt that you’d further crossed a line you’d already asked him to blur. That, despite the sheer possession embedded in every movement of his body and lips as he’d claimed you, he could not and would not return your feelings.

But, there’d been something else, too, in his eyes as he stared down at you, lips parted in shock. Something hungry; the kind that consumed, an inferno that could not help but engulf everything in its path.

He didn’t say it back, and you hadn’t expected he would. But he also didn’t outright reject you, either. Instead, he hugged you. Strange, how the most intimate part of the night hadn’t been the sex itself, or even the fact he’d came in you. It was right then, in the seconds after you’d let your confession slip from your tongue, when he’d snatched you up tightly into his arms, your bodies still connected. He’d still been buried inside you while he held you to him, his hand cradling the back of your head as though you were liable to break at any moment.

And then, he kissed you. Hard. Deep.

That had to mean something. Maybe it was gratitude or maybe it was his own way of expressing what he could not yet bring himself to say, whatever the reason why. But it meant something, and perhaps that something was the very reason he stayed the night, slept entangled with you, naked and vulnerable.

No matter how outlandish the rumors surrounding his bedroom habits had been, one thing always remained consistent: Sanemi Shinazugawa and intimacy were diametric opposites. He did not share a bed with anyone beyond the time it took for him to get his fix. In fact, you’d heard that he could be rather pushy when it came time for his partners to leave.

And since Sanemi wasn’t known for allowing his distractions to linger, he certainly hadn’t been rumored to be the type who enjoyed cuddling.

You, apparently, were the exception. Because he hadn’t just stayed the night; he’d kept you encased in his arms the entire time, even as you’d slobbered all over him in your sleep.

The memory of his fingers caressing the length of your back that next morning sends a shiver down your spine. at the time, you’d thought it better to pretend to remain asleep and oblivious to his gentleness; now, you can’t help but wonder what would have happened had you sleepily opened your eyes.

Maybe he would have kissed you; maybe you would have done more. Or maybe, you could’ve cornered him in the safety of your bed and demanded you at least talk about what the previous night meant.

Because it had to mean something, didn’t it?

meanwhile, pussy so good it has Sanemi out here opening secret trust accounts in her name 💀

[copperbadge]

Hey Sam!

I recently purchased a second hand bread machine, and I know you like to bake! (I got King Authur's Flour per your recommendation.) I was wondering if you have any recipes or tips and tricks for bread making? I don't have an oven in my apartment so sadly that's not an option for me 😔

Without an oven, a bread machine is a great acquisition! You can often also make rice, oatmeal, and sometimes even yogurt in a bread machine, depending on the model. If the machine didn't come with a manual, try googling for it, or googling the model name and "recipes" to see what else people have done with theirs. It's great you bought KA flour, because materials really do make the difference -- good flour and yeast are key. Freshness can matter with yeast so buy something with a long expiration date, and keep the yeast somewhere cool, dry, and dark.

For bread making, there are two main things I always think about: you are nurturing yeast, which is a living thing, and you're forming gluten (presumably, if you're not cooking gluten-free). The yeast wants to have food and be warm, so you want to use pretty warm water (most machine recipes say something very specific like 115-125F or similar, but it should be warmer than your skin and not so hot it hurts your skin, that's how I measure it). Sugar helps feed yeast, so often there will be sugar or honey in a recipe even if it's not a "sweet" bread. If you're using older yeast, adding a bit more sugar can help it work. Meanwhile, protein helps support gluten formation, so milk or milk powder are common ingredients often listed as optional but which are very helpful. If you have a stove, you can even make milk bread, which is one of the best, fluffiest kinds -- google "hokkaido milk bread" for recipes. Nearly any bread recipe that doesn't have a super long rise or need to be shaped can be made in a bread machine, but often (especially on the King Arthur site) a recipe will include special tips for adjusting it for a machine.

Specifically for bread machines, the bread can stay warm in the pan for a bit, but the longer it cools in the pan the more likely it is to form condensation, which leads to moisture on the surface of the crust in contact with the metal. That dries out pretty quickly if you leave it out for a bit, but moisture reduces the shelf life of homemade bread a LOT (moisture feeds mold). Your best bet is to remove the bread as soon as it's cool enough to handle -- it used to be the hardest part of making machine bread was getting it out of the damn pan, but they may have gotten better since I had one -- and wrap it in a tea towel or leave it out to cool completely before putting it in a package of some kind. I used to keep mine in the fridge because without preservatives it can mold quickly. These days most breads I bake included a few spoonfuls of King Arthur Bread and Cake Enhancer, which is a mild preservative and worth every penny -- it makes the bread softer, with better crumb, and it stays good for longer. There are other brands you can get cheaper on amazon, probably, but I've only ever used KA so I can't speak to their efficacy. It's generally not sold in stores.

Okay, two last things: one, I always put the bread machine on the floor when I was making bread in it, because it rocks back and forth a bit when kneading and I have had machines "walk" off the counter before. The floor or a wide table are best. Two, bread is difficult and even a machine for making it isn't perfect, so you may fail when you first start out. Even if you don't fail the first time, you may not get a good loaf at some point, and that's the nature of yeasted breads. Don't take it personally -- and don't give up! After a while, you start to notice if something seems "off" but it takes time to learn that sense.

Happy baking! I hope it goes well for you.

[sitp-recs]

i bet you've seen this one plenty of times before, but:

can you rec some drarry fics where jealousy is an important motif? it can be infidelity if they're an established couple, or just getting with someone else while the two of them are dancing around one another. would be great to see recs both where harry is jealous and where draco is jealous. i prefer a happy ending, but i'll be grateful either way.

since i'm here let me also say i admire what you do, your incredible ability to recall and sort through so many stories. this fandom is lucky to have you! <3

Hello friend! Thank you for the kind words, I really appreciate it ❤️ here are some fics centered on jealousy. I did a few other lists for this trope over the years, you can find them here, here and here.

Jealous Harry:

Hourglass Heart by @bixgirl1 (E, 5k)

It only happened once — depending on how Harry counted.

Utterly Yours by @lazywonderlvnd (E, 6.5k)

Draco gets back at Harry for his late nights as an Auror by flirting with the new Arithmancy professor. Harry's not usually the jealous type, but he has his moments.

Intention by @the-sinking-ship (E, 7k)

Harry really ought to listen to whatever Ron is saying, but it becomes impossible to focus when a familiar figure across the pub curls his fingers around another man’s tie. And when that man leans in with a wolfish smile, Harry sees red, and all he can think is mine.

on the divine agony of longing by @flimsi (E, 25k)

Speaking to Draco is like poking a beehive - and Harry is a glutton for punishment. In which Harry makes some serious blunders and then tries to fix it. Somehow.

Around You Moves by ignatiustrout (E, 29k)

Harry knew Draco was gay when he invited him to move in. He’s never had a problem with this. So why does he feel so weird about Draco bringing men home all of a sudden?

Two to Lie and One to Listen by @fluxweeed (E, 84k)

It’s weird when Hermione announces that she and Ron have broken up. It’s weirder when this is followed by the revelation that she’s already moved on—and the new object of her affections is Draco Malfoy.

this heaven of mud by @garagepaperback (E, 94k)

A love story told in two somewhat unreliable parts, over six years. Featuring secret shagging, to friends, to the 'how is it fair for someone to say your name like that' sort of friends, to, finally, someone you could call a home.

Grounds for Divorce by Tepre (E, 122k)

Malfoy finds a coin. Harry finds a letter.

Jealous Draco:

Packing the Flat by marguerite_26 (E, 6k)

Months after their explosive break-up, Draco insists Harry return to their flat to remove his belongings.

Don't Stop It Before It Begins by mischieviolet (E, 19k)

“I don’t understand how this is of any concern to you, Malfoy,” Harry said, crossing his arms over his chest. Draco blinked at the use of his last name, something that Harry only used with him in jest these days. “I’m merely spending time with my Auror partner, who is from another country, and has no one here. I would do the same if it were you.” “It’s not me though, is it?” Draco all but shouted, unable to stop himself.

The Partner, The Rival and The Very Big Case by oceaxe (E, 24k)

When Harry and Nott are paired up to go undercover as fake boyfriends, Draco is disappointed not to get the assignment. It's just professional jealousy that's making him feel so upset. Obviously. He's engaged to be married to Astoria, after all.

(The Piece) I was Missing All Along by lauren3210 (E, 30k)

Draco and Harry have been flatmates and best friends for years, and Draco thinks life is just perfect that way. But when something comes along and threatens to take all that away, Draco has to decide what it is he really wants, and just how hard he's going to work to get it.

Make Me a Headline (I Want to Be That Bold) by @dictacontrion (E, 31k)

Draco never expected to see Harry doing that again. Especially with someone else, in a grainy photograph that's landed on his desk one Monday morning.

Nights With You by @the-sinking-ship (E, 58k)

Draco is mortified when moments prior to departing for the most anticipated destination wedding of the year, he is cruelly dumped. But when he learns that Harry Potter has, at long last, split with his horrible boyfriend, Draco is certain his luck has changed.

[redrose10]

#5 from the picture game

Warnings: Swearing, mention of suggestive stuff, maybe cheating

Thanks for the request!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

“I hate him! I hate him! I hate him.”, you shrieked throughout your small apartment after throwing your bag down on the floor. Your roommate, Sarah, concerned with all the commotion came walking out to see what was going on with you.

“Bad day?”, she questioned.

“Min Fucking Yoongi.”, you spat.

She sighed, “What did he do now?”

“Alright class, you’re going to work in small groups of two or three for this project. Pair up on your own and I’ll send around the sign up sheet for you to write down your names. Remember this project will count for 80% of your grade so it’s kind of a big deal and shouldn’t be taken lightly.”

You scanned around the room making eye contact with Namjoon. He nodded before getting up and making his way over to you. You felt relief that you would be working with not only one of the smartest guys in the school but also someone who was respectful and reliable. For some reason this school seems to have attracted every arrogant fuckboy within a 500 mile radius and you hated it.

Namjoon took a seat next to you but before he could speak someone else cleared their throat.

The leader of said fuckboys was standing right in front of you like you had summoned him by thinking too much about him. You bit your lip so hard you tasted blood.

“Hey Yoongi! Want to join our group?”, Namjoon happily asked oblivious to the tension in the air.

“He can’t. He’s already working with Tia.”, you gritted through your teeth. You knew she was a regular of Yoongi’s. Yoongi looked over at the woman who was trying to look seductive but looked more like she was in pain than anything.

“Nah we’re kind of going through a thing right now.”

Namjoon chuckled, “I get it man. You can work with Y/N and I. It’s not problem.”

Yoongi took a seat and pretended to listen to Namjoon as he came up with a game plan while you sat there and stewed in your anger. You knew Yoongi wasn’t going to lift a finger while you and Namjoon did everything yet he’d still be given a good grade.

Before you knew it class was over and Namjoon said his goodbyes before quickly running off to his next one.

You were angrily packing up your bag when you heard Yoongi speak.

“Y/N are you not going to speak to me this entire project? We have to work together.”, he asked.

You scoffed, “No we don’t. You and I both know you’re going to flake and it’ll be all on Namjoon and I to do all the work so why don’t you just do us a favor and get lost already.”

Yoongi stood up and leaned slightly over your desk, “Maybe you should get laid for once. You need to get some of that bitchiness fucked out of you.”

And with that he was gone and out the door leaving you red faced and so angry you couldn’t think straight for the rest of the day even once you finally walked through your front door.

Sarah chuckled only infuriating you more. “Y/N I get it. Yeah that was a really shitty thing to say but you do always seem to be the one to start things with him. Maybe him and Tia really are going through something and you two were the only option to work with. I just don’t know why you have this extreme hatred for the guy.”, she said after seeing your upset face.

You rolled your eyes before heading to your room and flopping down on your bed.

Was Sarah right? Are you the instigator? And if you are then you’re sure that he deserved it 99% of the time anyways.

Ever since the first day you met him he has been a thorn in your side.

You met Yoongi in Kindergarten. He sat behind you and would constantly pull on your ponytail and when you turned around he’d just sit there with a big smile. You complained to your parents who told you he probably just had a crush on you but that you should ask him to stop if you didn’t want him to do that any more.

Then in the fifth grade he was playing basketball at recess. He tried passing the ball to someone else but instead it came flying at your face breaking your nose. He was at your side in an instant using his jacket to stop the bleeding. He apologized profusely saying it was an accident but you’re sure he did it on purpose.

Your freshman year of high school he overheard that you had a huge crush on a boy named Jin. He was a year older than you and so handsome and funny. You thought maybe he liked you too until he started distancing himself. You found out a couple months later that Yoongi had told him that you had some incurable contagious skin condition.

Somehow though over the next couple years you had grown fond of Yoongi, even developing feelings for him. He had matured and was pleasant to be around. You were ecstatic when he asked you to be his date to the senior prom. The night had been going well and you really thought you were going to share your first kiss with him. The dj announced it was time for the last dance when you realized Yoongi was taking a really long time in the bathroom. Walking the halls looking for him you found him pushed up against the lockers with Mia, the prom queen, sticking her tongue practically down his throat. You ran out of the dance that night ignoring the shouts of your name coming from Yoongi who was chasing after you.

While walking home with a broken heart you made yourself a promise that you would never let Min Yoongi hurt you ever again. So much so that you ignored any contact he tried to make with you even finally going to his parents when he didn’t get the hint.

In college you tried your best to avoid him. The first year was easy. You had different majors and different friend groups. Then Sarah started dating one of his best friends Hoseok leading to there being lots of time spent together. You watched as he often left the hangouts with some random woman he met. You’d always roll your eyes realizing he never changed. He always had something to say to you or about you too. His little comments here and there to purposely get under your skin only added to your irritation.

Maybe that’s why your first emotion around him now is always anger.

Thankfully your emotional day helped you swiftly fall into dreamland and stop thinking about him.

“Y/N, let’s go!!”,Sarah shouted from behind your door.

“Be right there.”

You took one final look at your outfit. Your dress was a little tighter than normal but you were hoping to get the attention of this guy you met on campus, Taehyung. You weren’t really into going to parties but you were in a pretty good mood since Yoongi had skipped class all week as expected of him and once Taehyung asked you if you were going to be at this party you were quick to agree.

The smell of alcohol and sweat and just dirty funk quickly hit your senses. You’d think they could’ve sprung for a couple $1 air fresheners but what could you expect from a bunch of college guys.

Once further into the home you were able to easily spot Taehyung. He walked over with two bottles of beer. One was still sealed which he cracked open for you. You appreciated his thoughtfulness.

You were really starting to like Tae, as he told you to call him. He was funny, gentle, dangerously handsome. You could see yourself having a future with him. He went off to get you another beer when you felt someone’s glare on you.

Yoongi was also at the party. You should’ve known. It was a perfect spot for him to prey on some woman who was too buzzed to care. He was leaning up against the wall, head slightly cocked while looking at you. He was wearing a black hoodie that fit him perfectly, rings adorned his long fingers, that stupid headband he’d been into wearing recently. You hated him but you hated it more that he still had an effect on you because you couldn’t stop thinking about how good he looked.

He smirked when he noticed you staring at him. Your body only heated up more when you noticed him looking you up and down.

“Y/N…I didn’t think parties were your thing.”, he said after walking over.

“Well I’m here with someone else. Not that it’s any of your business.”

“Uh yeah I saw that you were here with Taehyung. You should really think twice about him.”

You rolled your eyes, “Then why don’t you do something to ruin it for me Yoongi? That seems to be what you’re best at.”

Thanks to the darkness of the party you didn’t see his confidence falter a little at your words.

“Look Y/N I don’t give a fuck what you do. I’m just saying maybe don’t get too hung up on him.”

He left and walked past you into the kitchen leaving you feeling uneasy but Tae showed up just in time with another beer to take your mind off of him.

Two hours later, eight beers, and countless songs danced to you were needing some air. It had been a long time since you were this buzzed. Sarah was long gone with her date so it looked like you were going to get your wish of going home with Taehyung.

He walked you outside to sit on a bench underneath a big oak tree on the property.

“You alright?”, he chuckled after you let out a long sigh.

“Yeah just tired.”

Taehyung remained silent as you took in the night sky. For some reason that you hated, Yoongi was heavily on your mind. You figured that by now he was probably on his second hookup of the night which only hurt you more making your stomach just a little more nauseous.

“Hey uh Y/N can I ask you something?”, Taehyung spoke from next to you.

Your body woke up with excitement.

“Of course.”, you nodded.

“Your friend Sarah…Is she…Is she seeing anyone?”

You stared at him in disbelief. He wasn’t interested in you at all. The whole reason he asked you to the party was to get the details on your friend.

Feeling like you were going to cry or throw up, maybe both you stood up to begin walking home.

“Let me get you home safe.”, Taehyung said reaching for your hand.

You tried to pull away but a third hand grabbed yours first instead.

“No thanks. I’ve got her.”, a familiar voice broke the silence.

Yoongi was already leading you to his car before you could even protest.

He helped you into your apartment and to your bed. He’d been there several times when Hoseok and Sarah were dating so he knew his way around.

You were broken hearted once again and nauseous and exhausted and just didn’t have the strength to fight him any more.

You told yourself you were definitely never drinking again especially after the last thing you remembered being you asking Yoongi to stay and lay with you for a while.

And thankfully you remembered asking him that because if you hadn’t you probably would’ve woken up half the city with your screaming when you woke up and saw him peacefully sleeping next to you. You tried your best to get out of bed without him noticing but it didn’t go as planned.

When he woke up he looked even more shocked than you did. He jumped out of bed only to land awkwardly on some books which caused him to slip and end up on the floor with a loud thud. You stifled a giggle as he hastily got himself up again.

“Fuck Y/N I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep. Nothing happened. I swear I didn’t try to pull anything funny. You were crying and you asked me to stay and I felt bad. I was only gonna stay until you fell asleep but I must’ve dozed off myself. It’s these classes are killing me and I’m working two jobs and I’m just exhausted.”

“Yoongi it’s okay. I remember asking you to stay. It was an accident.”, you said trying to calm him down.

He looked at you wearily, “Are you feeling okay? The Y/N that I know would’ve already threaten to chop my balls off and shove them down my throat.”

You chuckled, “Yeah well this Y/N, is pretty hungover so I’m gonna let it go this time.”

He relaxed a little and sat back down on your end which did annoy you a little but you let it slide because the prior nights events were slowly coming back to you and you had some questions.

“Hey Yoongi, did you know that Taehyung only asked me to the party so he could ask about Sarah?”

He slid his tongue over his teeth. A habit of his he did when he was nervous. He nodded, “Uh yeah. He mentioned something about it to Jimin and then it got back to me.”

“So is that why you tried to get me to stop talking to him?”

He nodded.

“Why?”

“What do you mean why?”

You scoffed? “Well you kind of have a history of hurting me more than helping me so I’m just wondering why all of a sudden you cared enough to try and stop me from getting hurt?”

Yoongi turned to stare at you. His face flushing, either from anger or embarrassment, you weren’t really sure.

He sat fidgeting with his rings for a moment before looking at you, “Y/N…that night…that night at the prom. I didn’t kiss that girl.”, he paused, “I had written you a song. It was stupid and cheesy actually…”, he chuckled, “I forgot it in my locker so I told you that I had to go to the bathroom so I could go get it. Mia came up to me. She knew I liked you and she always hated it. She said it was the last dance and you were looking for me. I tried to push past her but as soon as I did she pushed me against the locker and kissed me. She knew you were standing there. She wanted you to see. I chased after you but you wouldn’t stop. I stopped shouting your name but I followed you home to make sure you got there safely.”, he shook his head, “You never answered any of my texts or calls. I even did dumb shit like leaving notes in your locker. Then my parents told me that I needed to back off before I got in trouble so I let you go. I guess I was childish and built some resent towards you. I’ve liked you ever since kindergarten when I used to pull on your ponytail with that ridiculous Minnie Mouse clip you always used to wear. And you just completely cut me off without letting me explain. I was hurt and started acting out towards you.”, he sighed, “I’m sorry Y/N. For all the messed up stuff I’ve said to you. I didn’t mean any of it. I guess I…I guess I just wanted to push you away from me. The further you were the less I remembered about how I broke your heart and how I never even got the chance.”

You stared at him in disbelief.

“So all this time you liked me?”

He nodded.

“Is that why you told Jin I had a contagious disease? Because you knew we liked each other?”

He chuckled at that, “Yeah I did. I was a little bit jealous and come on Y/N, you knew you could do better than him. He was more beauty than brains. I mean I told him you had stage 4 Cootie-Cockilus and he believed me…”

Laughter erupted in the room.

“Okay maybe that one helped me more than I thought.”, you laughed.

The room fell back into an awkward yet comfortable silence.

“Y/N, can we start over…please.”, Yoongi suddenly asked.

Bitingng your lip in thought you finally nodded in agreement, “Yeah I’d like that.”

“Alright well let’s get some breakfast then. I know a great cafe just outside of campus.”, he said motioning for you to follow him.

You grabbed your bag and walked in front of him.

Just before your hand reached the door handle you felt a tiny little tug on the end of your ponytail.

Your heart skipped a beat making you stop.

The biggest gummy smile greeted you when you turned around to playfully eye culprit.

[leighbaylee]

— TRANCE

written by mina leigh 𝜗᭪ , nate jacobs 𝔁 f! reader | wc 2500

summary. nate realizes he is the luckiest guy ever. fuck maddy, fuck cassie, he was plotting for you. you’re the most perfect girl that he could’ve ever asked for.

labels. y/n is used , she her pronouns used. nate fantasizes about you innocently and quite naughty, hyper feminine reader, pet names used, mentions of obsession, praise, & stalking, VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED.

‧₊˚ ୨୧ mina speaks. i really recommend reading @annwrites multi - part fic ❝ exactly what he needs ,❞ paired with, yours truly, nate jacobs. as it was inspired by the masterpiece.

nate is in bed, staring blankly at the glow of his phone. it was some mindless scroll through his socials, yet it all felt dull. nothing grabbed his attention the way it used to. not the countless selfies of maddy’s perfectly angled poses, or cassie’s desperate attempts to catch his eye with the glossy smiles she plastered all over the screen.

he let out a breath, locking his phone and placing it face down on the bedside table. his hand trailed absentmindedly toward the blanket, pulling it up a bit to tuck you in, careful not to disturb you.

you were fast asleep beside him, your soft breaths falling into a steady rhythm. nate’s gaze lingered on you longer than it probably should’ve, his eyes tracing the delicate lines of your face. fuck, you were perfect. it was almost criminal how effortlessly beautiful you looked, even now. no makeup, no posing, no pretending. just you.

he leaned his head back into the pillow, the warmth of your presence next to him soothing yet electrifying at the same time. it wasn’t like when he was with maddy or cassie. there wasn’t that constant tension, that need to control, to manipulate. well, maybe a little. but with you, it felt… different. not better, but more intoxicating.

❝ fuck ,❞ nate muttered under his breath, staring up at the ceiling, the faint glow from the moon seeping through the curtains.

he didn’t know how he’d gotten this lucky. not that it was entirely luck. it took planning, scheming. nate wasn’t a man who left things to chance. no, if he wanted something, he took it. he figured out how to make it his, even if it meant crushing a few people along the way.

and you? you were the one thing he hadn’t let slip through his fingers.

the day nate first really noticed you, like really noticed you, something shifted in him. it wasn’t like with cassie, where she was a fleeting obsession, someone he could toy with to get under maddy’s skin. no, you were something else. something more.

it had been a regular day, or at least it was supposed to be. cassie had brushed past him in the hall, giving him a sad, hopeful glance after their situationship had gone up in flames. she didn’t matter anymore, not really. nate had already set his sights elsewhere.

and then, there you were.

you didn’t even notice him at first, just standing there with a few friends, laughing at something dumb, probably something insignificant, but to nate, it was like the world had tilted. your hair caught the light just right, that glossy sheen making him want to reach out, run his fingers through it. and your face —fuck, your face was everything. perfect lips, perfect eyes, the kind of face nate could stare at for hours and never get bored. you had that thing about you, that girl - next - door vibe mixed with something else, something unattainable.

you weren’t loud, weren’t trying to get attention like maddy or cassie always did. you didn’t need to. you had a natural confidence, something soft but undeniable. your style was all femme, skirts and cute tops, nails always done, everything just ... neat. clean. controlled. nate liked that. he loved that.

it was like the universe had handed him exactly what he’d been looking for.

but getting you? that was going to take work. although not that he ever had any difficulty getting what he desired.

nate spent weeks figuring you out. watching. waiting. it wasn’t stalking, not really, he told himself. he was just making sure he knew everything he needed to. where you liked to hang out, who your friends were, what kind of guys caught your eye. every detail mattered.

he’d show up where you’d be, casually at first, nothing too obvious. he made sure to talk to the right people, make himself seem approachable, even charming, though that part came naturally. girls liked nate. it wasn’t hard to use that to his advantage.

he noticed how your eyes would flick toward him sometimes, just a quick glance before you looked away, trying not to let it linger. it was subtle, but nate knew what it meant. you were interested. maybe you didn’t realize it yet, but you were. and he was going to make sure you realized it soon enough.

a few weeks in, he made his move. a simple conversation, nothing too forward. just enough to get you thinking. he complimented your shoes, your nails, shit like that. small things, things other guys wouldn’t notice but nate did. he saw everything about you.

he could tell you liked the attention. your smile was shy, a little flustered even, and that’s how he knew he had you. it was only a matter of time now.

the days passed, and nate played his cards perfectly. you’d started to trust him, let your guard down around him. you laughed at his jokes, blushed when he teased you, and nate reveled in it. every little thing you did only made him want you more.

he liked how soft you were. how feminine. it wasn’t just your looks, though those were enough to drive him crazy on their own. it was the way you carried yourself, the way you made him feel needed, wanted, like he was the only guy who could make you happy.

he’d make sure you never wanted anyone else.

nate was careful, though. he didn’t rush things. he let the tension build, let you get used to the idea of him being around. he didn’t want to scare you off, not like he’d done with cassie. this time, it had to be perfect.

and it worked.

the night he finally confessed, nate couldn’t hold back anymore. it had been driving him insane, keeping it all bottled up, the way he felt about you. it wasn’t just lust, though that was a big part of it. it was deeper than that, more intense. he wanted you in every way, needed you.

he cornered you after a party, pulling you aside when no one was looking. your eyes widened in surprise, but there was a hint of excitement there too. nate could see it.

❝ i can’t keep pretending, y/n, ❞ he started, his voice low, controlled. ❝ i’ve been thinking about you, about us. for weeks. ❞

you blinked, a soft flush spreading across your cheeks. ❝ nate ... ❞

❝ no, let me finish, ❞ he interrupted, stepping closer, his body just inches from yours. ❝ you’re perfect. everything about you. i can’t stop thinking about you, wanting you. ❞ his hand reached out, brushing a strand of hair from your face, and he smirked when you shivered at his touch. ❝ you deserve someone who sees that. who sees you. ❞

you stared up at him, your breathing shallow, and nate knew he had you right where he wanted.

❝ i hope you understand what i am getting at, i’m that guy, y/n, ❞ he murmured, leaning in, his lips just barely brushing your ear. ❝ i’m the guy who’s going to make sure you’re happy. no one else. ❞

your eyes sparkled, a mix of excitement and disbelief.

❝ nate... i didn’t know you felt that way, ❞ you whispered, biting your lip. ❝ i always thought... ❞

❝ what? ❞ he asked, his voice dripping with possessiveness. ❝ you thought you weren’t good enough? ❞ he let out a dark chuckle, his hand sliding around your waist, pulling you closer. ❝ you’re more than good enough. you’re mine. ❞

you stared at him, wide-eyed, but then you smiled —this soft, sweet smile that made his chest tighten.

❝ i didn’t think i’d be good enough for you, ❞ you admitted softly, looking down for a moment.

nate’s grip tightened around your waist, his hand firm as he pulled you closer, his lips brushing your temple. ❝ fuck that, y/n, ❞ he whispered, his voice thick with a mixture of desire and triumph. ❝ you’re everything i’ve ever wanted. ❞

your arms wrapped around his neck as you hugged him, pressing your face into his chest, and nate let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding.

he buried his face into the curve of your neck, breathing you in, his hands gripping your waist as he smirked against your skin. you were his now. completely his.

and nate wasn’t letting you go. not ever.

© MINA LEIGH 2023 - 2024

[thirtysomethingloser92]

Chapter 3. You Showed Me Colours You Know I Can't See With Anyone Else.

Prequel to The Last Great American Dynasty.

Warnings: Smut, Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Swearing, 18+.

Summary: In the shadowy underworld of New Orleans, where power is currency and loyalty is a fragile thread, you find yourself entangled with Remy LeBeau, a charismatic and dangerous mob boss. What begins as a chance encounter soon evolves into a complex, intense relationship that neither of you saw coming. Taglist: @cannibalcoyote

The club beneath the bar wasn’t the kind of place you found by accident. It was hidden deep in the building’s underbelly, far removed from the more polished scene upstairs. To get there, you had to know where you were going—there were no signs, no obvious entrances, just a series of unmarked doors and shadowy hallways that seemed to twist and turn with a kind of deliberate confusion. It was as if the building itself was trying to keep the club a secret.

The journey down felt like a descent into another realm. You’d wind your way through back corridors, past storage rooms stacked with crates of liquor and supplies, the air growing cooler and more still the deeper you went. The lights along the hallway dimmed, casting long shadows that flickered against the narrow walls. Then there were the stairs—two flights of them, narrow and steep, their steps worn from years of use, the kind of stairs that made you feel like you were heading someplace forbidden, someplace you weren’t entirely sure you were supposed to be.

The bar above was already sunken below street level, but the club? The club was buried deeper still—subterranean. As you descended, the air grew colder and damp, the walls closing in, and the hum of life from the world above faded away. All that was left was the growing thrum of the music below, a bass-heavy pulse that throbbed through the walls like a heartbeat. It was faint at first, a distant vibration that seemed to come from the earth itself, but with each step downward, it grew louder, more insistent, until it was all you could hear.

And then you reached the door.

Pushing through the heavy, unmarked entrance, you were met with a rush of sensation—a wall of sound, light, and heat all at once. The club opened up before you, cavernous and alive, a world unto itself. It was like stepping into a hidden city where the rules of the world above no longer applied.

The room was vast, yet somehow intimate, the ceiling low enough to feel oppressive but crisscrossed with massive iron beams that gave the space a raw, industrial edge. Neon lights flickered and danced across the walls, bathing everything in electric shades of violet, crimson, and cobalt blue. The lights pulsed in time with the music, casting shifting shadows that played tricks on your eyes, making the space feel as if it were constantly moving, breathing.

The air was thick with the smell of sweat, perfume, and something more primal—something heavy and intoxicating, like the scent of expensive whiskey and the faint burn of smoke. The ceiling, low and crisscrossed with metal beams, added to the sense of being enclosed, like you were in a bunker or a vault, sealed off from the rest of the world. It felt dangerous, exhilarating.

The crowd was a living, writhing thing, a sea of bodies moving in rhythm with the music. They pressed together, fluid and chaotic, lost in the throb of the bass and the flashing lights that turned everything into a blur of color and motion. People danced in a way that wasn’t quite dancing—more like they were surrendering themselves to the music, letting it take control. It was wild, frenetic, and completely uninhibited. There was no pretense here, no performance—just pure, unfiltered energy. This was a place where you could lose yourself, where the rules of the outside world didn’t apply. Here, names didn’t matter, and neither did the time.

The music was relentless, a deep, throbbing beat that worked its way into your bones, vibrating through your chest and making your heart beat in time with it. The DJ was hidden in the shadows, barely visible behind a fortress of equipment, but their presence was felt in every pulse of sound that reverberated through the room. The bass was so deep, it was like the walls themselves were breathing, the whole room thrumming with an almost primal energy.

The bar at the far end of the room gleamed under the neon lights, its surface dark wood polished to a high shine, a stark contrast to the raw industrial feel of the rest of the space. Behind it, shelves lined with bottles of top-shelf liquor glowed gold, the amber liquid catching the light and shimmering like treasure in a vault. The bartenders moved with precision, pouring drinks with practiced ease, their expressions unreadable beneath the flashing lights. Every drink was an act of indulgence, each cocktail a small luxury in a place that felt like it was on the edge of ruin.

Plush velvet couches were scattered along the walls in small, intimate alcoves, offering a place to retreat from the chaos of the dance floor. The contrast was jarring—the softness of the velvet against the hard, industrial edges of the club, the sense of privacy these spaces offered in a room that otherwise felt so exposed. Here, deals were made, secrets were whispered, and connections formed that would never see the light of day.

But even in these alcoves, the energy of the room was impossible to escape. You could feel it in the air—the tension, the heat, the way the music seemed to crawl under your skin and take over, making everything else fade away. The club had a way of stripping away the outside world, pulling you deeper into its orbit until nothing else mattered. Time blurred, and the boundaries between people, between reality and whatever this place was, seemed to disintegrate.

There was a kind of freedom in it. A dangerous, seductive freedom.

Here, in the depths of the underground, you could be anyone. Or no one at all. You remember the night everything truly changed between you and Remy LeBeau—the moment when the line you’d been walking for weeks finally shifted, and you understood exactly where you slid into his complex, enigmatic life. It wasn’t a grand gesture or an explosive confrontation; no, it was something quieter, something subtle but undeniable, like the way the tide changes direction without anyone noticing until it’s too late.

It had been weeks since you’d last really spoken to him. Weeks of tense silences, of stolen glances across the bar. You weren’t sure what was worse—feeling like he was purposefully avoiding you, or the gnawing suspicion that maybe you’d done something to deserve it. Either way, it was hard to shake the feeling that you were being punished for something you couldn’t quite put your finger on, and that uncertainty gnawed at you in the quiet moments when the bar was empty, or when you caught sight of him from across the room.

And of course, you still saw him. Every Wednesday and Friday, like clockwork, Remy was there. Wednesdays, he’d show up with the brunette—a woman who sometimes had a laptop open in front of her, typing away in a focused silence, other times just sitting quietly across from him as they shared a meal. They looked comfortable together, like they had an understanding that didn’t need to be spoken aloud. There was something almost intimate about the way they interacted that made your chest tighten, though you couldn’t quite figure out why. She wasn’t flashy, wasn’t trying to draw attention, but there was a quiet importance in her presence that you couldn’t ignore.

Fridays were different. Fridays, he showed up with his crew. The VIP area upstairs would be cordoned off, laughter and the hum of low conversation drifting down to the main bar. There was always a low, rowdy energy that followed wherever Remy and his group went. A magnetism that demanded attention, even from the far corners of the room. People would glance up at them, curious, drawn to the easy confidence that bled from their table, the way they seemed to own the space without even trying.

And every now and then, James would catch your eye with a grin, sending you on some small errand—usually something pointless, like delivering a fresh bottle to Kate or running a message up to the VIP section. “You take it,” you’d huff, catching on to the game, but no matter how many times you protested, you always ended up climbing those stairs. Always ended up delivering whatever it was they needed.

And each time, without fail, you felt his eyes on you. Remy’s gaze was like a physical presence, following your every move with a quiet intensity that was impossible to ignore. It was like he was studying you, reading every step, every gesture, every word you exchanged with the black-haired woman or Kate. You could almost feel the weight of his attention, heavy and deliberate, and it left you feeling both exposed and strangely aware of yourself in ways you didn’t want to admit.

Kate, of course, didn’t miss a beat. She always greeted you with that mischievous smile, her eyes twinkling with humor that felt just a little too knowing. “Getting your steps in today?” she’d quip, her voice light but laced with something that made you feel like she knew exactly what was going on, even if you didn’t.

“At this rate, my ass better look amazing by summer,” you’d reply, rolling your eyes and nodding toward the stairs you’d already climbed a dozen times that night. But underneath the banter, there was always that unspoken tension, that sense of something simmering just beneath the surface, something neither of you had the words for yet.

And then there were Saturdays.

Saturdays were for the club—Remy’s domain. The rules changed on Saturdays. The bar upstairs was one thing, but the club? That was something else entirely. It was a place where business could be done in the shadows, where deals were struck under the cover of strobe lights and pounding bass, where no one really knew what was happening because the music was too loud and the lights too disorienting.

On some Saturdays, Remy would show up with a beautiful woman on his arm, making it clear she was his for the night. He’d walk in with that casual swagger, the woman clinging to him, her eyes bright with the promise of a wild night. Other times, he’d arrive with his crew, accompanied by a red-haired woman who was as striking as she was dangerous. You could tell she was a force of nature—enigmatic, sharp, and always composed in a way that made you feel like she knew something you didn’t. Together, they’d settle into the plush couches in the VIP area, bottles of the most expensive liquor in the club lining the table, and you’d find yourself watching them from behind the bar, even when you didn’t mean to.

You had a love-hate relationship with the club. On one hand, you thrived on the energy—the music that pulsed through your veins, the rhythm that had you dancing behind the bar as you mixed drinks, the way you could lose yourself in the beat even as you worked. You loved working with Carol, the older blonde woman who had taken you under her wing when you first started. Carol had taught you everything you knew, from how to handle a rowdy customer to how to make the perfect cocktail, and over the years, she’d become like a sister to you.

But the patrons were... another story. They were rowdier, more demanding, and far more likely to get handsy after a few too many drinks. You’d learned to handle them, of course; you had to, working in a place like this. But some nights, like tonight, the crowd was just a little too much. The air felt thick with something you couldn’t quite name, and the staff were worn down, moving slower than usual, weighed down by the constant demands.

Through it all, though, Remy was always watching. You could feel it, even when you couldn’t see him. He never intervened directly—he knew you could handle yourself—but there was a quiet, unspoken understanding between the two of you. He never let things get too out of hand. His eyes would track the room, making sure the chaos didn’t cross a line. It was comforting, in a way, knowing he was there, but it was also maddening. You didn’t need his protection, and yet, there was a part of you that found it hard to shake the feeling of being watched, of being... taken care of in ways you didn’t ask for.

The first strange thing that night happened in the bathroom. The moment when everything began to stretch, like an elastic band pulled too tight, on the verge of snapping.

You had ducked into the bathroom for a quick break, promising yourself it’d only take a minute. But once inside, the noise of the club muffled behind the heavy door, you found yourself staring into the mirror. You took a deep breath, letting the tension ease from your shoulders, and began to fix your hair. A few strands had fallen out of place during the rush of the night, and you tried to recreate the style you’d left the house with. It was a small, quiet moment—a chance to catch your breath before heading back into the chaos.

The door creaked open behind you, and when you glanced up in the mirror, you saw her—the red-haired woman who had arrived with Remy earlier in the night. She stepped inside with the same effortless grace she always seemed to carry, her presence filling the small space instantly. For a brief moment, the two of you locked eyes in the mirror, and then she offered you a soft, knowing smile.

You nodded in acknowledgment, pressing the soap dispenser a few times, trying to act as though the sudden intrusion of your solitude didn’t rattle you. But it did. She had a way of unsettling people, and in the quiet of the bathroom, away from the flashing lights and thumping bass, her presence seemed even more intense.

“You looked like you needed a minute,” she said, her voice low and smooth, not quite a whisper but just loud enough to carry in the silence.

You blinked, caught off guard by the casual intimacy of the statement. You weren’t sure what to say, so you just shrugged, offering a half-smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes.

“Long night,” you replied, your voice sounding smaller than you intended as you rinsed your hands under the cold water.

Jean leaned against the counter, her gaze lingering on you for a beat too long before she turned toward the mirror, inspecting her own reflection with the kind of detached interest that only someone like her could pull off.

Jean’s eyes lingered on you longer than you expected, her gaze sharp and curious, but not in an unkind way. There was something about the way she looked at you, as though she already knew more than she was letting on. Still, you offered her a polite smile, masking the discomfort stirring inside you. You weren’t used to being scrutinized like this, especially not by someone like her—someone who radiated a kind of effortless poise that made you feel both intrigued and defensive at the same time

“I’m Jean, by the way,” she said casually, as if you didn’t already know. She reached into her purse and pulled out a sleek tube of lipstick, applying it with a practiced precision that made the simple act seem like a performance. Then, without missing a beat, she held the tube out to you, her eyes gleaming with a quiet challenge.

You shook your head, offering a small smile in return. “No, thanks,” you said, your voice steady but polite. You weren’t sure what game she was playing, but you weren’t interested in becoming an unwilling participant. Jean just smiled to herself, tucking the lipstick back into her purse with a graceful, almost dismissive motion. The way she moved was calculated, like everything she did had a purpose—even this seemingly casual encounter.

"So, busy night, huh?" she asked, leaning back against the counter, her posture relaxed but her eyes still on you. She was studying you, you realized, and that realization sent a flicker of unease through you. You could feel her sizing you up, and you couldn’t help but wonder why. What did she see when she looked at you? What was she trying to figure out?

You rolled down a few sheets of paper towel, drying your hands with more focus than necessary, using the small task to ground yourself. “Yeah,” you replied, your tone noncommittal, not wanting to reveal too much. “You could say that.”

Jean nodded, but the silence that followed wasn’t an empty one. It was thick, heavy, as if there was something unspoken hanging between the two of you. Her gaze hadn’t softened; if anything, it had deepened, like she was peeling back layers without your permission. It was unnerving, and you couldn’t quite shake the feeling that this wasn’t just a casual bathroom conversation.

You narrowed your eyes slightly, trying to read her, trying to figure out why she’d suddenly decided to engage with you. She had never spoken to you before, and now, here she was, leaning against the sink as if she had all the time in the world. You couldn’t help but wonder if this was some kind of test, like she was probing for something specific, some reaction. But what?

“You seem... distracted,” she said, her voice softer now, almost thoughtful. Her words made your stomach flip, but you kept your expression neutral, refusing to give anything away.

“I’m fine,” you replied a bit too quickly, the words coming out sharper than you intended. You immediately regretted it, but Jean didn’t seem fazed. If anything, her smile widened, just a fraction, as if she could see right through your attempt to brush her off.

“I get it,” she murmured after a beat, her voice lower, more intimate now. There was something in the way she said it, something that made your pulse quicken. She wasn’t just making small talk anymore; there was a weight to her words, a knowingness that unsettled you.

You swallowed, your throat suddenly feeling dry. “Get what?” you asked, trying to sound casual, but the tension in your voice betrayed you.

Jean met your gaze, her eyes unflinching. “I get what it’s like to be... watched,” she said simply, her words hanging in the air between you. It was an innocent enough statement, but there was an edge to it, a deeper meaning that made your chest tighten. She wasn’t just talking about the club, or the way patrons sometimes eyed the staff. No, she was talking about something more personal—something that had to do with him.

Your heart raced a little faster. You didn’t want to acknowledge it, didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that her words had hit their mark, but you couldn’t help the way your body reacted. You could feel your pulse in your throat, a subtle thrum that echoed the tension threading between you and Jean in that tiny bathroom.

She tilted her head slightly, her eyes still locked on yours, reading every flicker of emotion that crossed your face. “Remy,” she said, as if the name alone was enough to explain everything. And maybe it was. “He watches you... a lot.”

The air seemed to thicken around you, and you felt your stomach drop at the sound of his name on her lips. You weren’t sure if she was trying to unsettle you, or if she was genuinely offering some kind of insight, but either way, her words left you feeling exposed, like she had peeled back a layer of your carefully constructed armor.

“What are you getting at?” you asked, your voice quieter now, tinged with frustration, but also something else—something you weren’t quite ready to admit. You didn’t like the way this conversation was making you feel. You didn’t like the way it was forcing you to confront things you’d been trying to ignore for weeks.

Jean’s smile softened, but it didn’t lose that knowing edge. “I’m just saying... he’s not as hard to read as he thinks he is,” she said, her voice low, almost conspiratorial. She leaned in just a little closer, her eyes gleaming with something you couldn’t quite name. “When Remy watches someone like that, it’s not out of boredom. It’s because he’s paying attention.”

Your breath hitched in your throat. A part of you wanted to brush her off, to laugh it away and pretend like this conversation wasn’t affecting you. But you couldn’t. The truth of her words settled in your chest like a weight, heavy and undeniable. You had felt his eyes on you for weeks, always watching, always present, even when he wasn’t close. And now, here was Jean, confirming what you had been trying to push aside—what you had been too afraid to admit to yourself.

“And that bothers you?” you asked, half-expecting her to confirm the jealousy you thought must be lurking beneath her cool exterior.

But Jean surprised you. She laughed softly, shaking her head. “Bother me? No, not really.” She paused, her eyes narrowing slightly as she studied you again. “But it might bother you.”

Your pulse quickened, and suddenly, you felt like the ground beneath you had shifted, like Jean had just opened a door you weren’t ready to step through. “Why would it bother me?” you asked, though the answer was already sitting heavy in your chest.

Jean’s smile turned almost sympathetic, and for a brief moment, you saw something softer in her eyes. “Because you’re not just some girl behind the bar to him. And I think you know that.”

The words hit you like a punch to the gut. You wanted to argue, to deny it, to say that you were just doing your job, that whatever attention Remy gave you was meaningless. But you couldn’t. Because deep down, you knew Jean was right.

You had felt it for weeks—the way his gaze always found you, the way he watched you with that quiet intensity that made your skin prickle and your heart race. You had tried to dismiss it, tried to tell yourself it didn’t mean anything, but now, standing in this tiny bathroom with Jean staring right through you, the truth was impossible to ignore.

You weren’t just another face in the crowd to Remy LeBeau, and that realization sent a jolt of fear and excitement through you in equal measure.

Jean pushed herself off the counter, straightening her posture as she adjusted the strap of her purse. “Just... be careful,” she said, her voice softer now, almost a warning. “With Remy, things get complicated fast.”

And with that, she turned and walked out of the bathroom, leaving you alone with your thoughts, the air still heavy with the weight of everything she had just said.

You stared at your reflection in the mirror, your heart pounding in your chest, and for the first time, you couldn’t hide from the truth anymore.

Something had changed. And there was no going back. From your spot behind the bar, you had a perfect view of the VIP area. It was a vantage point you rarely paid much attention to—usually too busy mixing drinks or handling a rowdy crowd—but tonight, you found yourself watching. Watching them.

Jean moved with that same quiet confidence you’d witnessed in the bathroom, her drink held delicately in one hand as she reentered the secluded section. She slid effortlessly back into the scene, her presence commanding attention without asking for it. The dim lighting of the VIP area cast a soft glow over her red hair, making her look almost ethereal as she approached Remy.

Your heart thudded in your chest as you watched her place a hand on his shoulder, leaning in close to murmur something in his ear. It was an intimate gesture, the kind that sent an unexpected ripple of something—jealousy? anxiety?—through you. You couldn’t hear what she said, but you could see the way her hand lingered, her fingers brushing lightly against the fabric of his jacket. It was subtle enough not to draw too much attention, but there was a familiarity in the motion that made your stomach twist.

Remy didn’t react much. His face remained impassive, his expression unreadable as he listened to whatever Jean was saying. But then, in the middle of it, something happened that caused your breath to catch in your throat.

His eyes flickered up to meet yours.

It was so quick, so subtle, you almost didn’t believe it had happened. But it did. In that split second, his gaze found yours across the room, cutting through the smoke and the low lighting like a thread pulling you into his orbit. He didn’t give anything away—no smile, no smirk, no hint of what might be going through his head. Just a look. A brief glance. But it was enough to send a jolt through you, like you had been caught doing something you weren’t supposed to.

Your heart skipped a beat, though you couldn’t say why. It wasn’t like he hadn’t looked at you before—Remy was always watching, always tracking your movements with that quiet intensity—but tonight felt different. Tonight, there was something in the air, something unspoken hanging between the three of you. Jean’s words from the bathroom echoed in your mind, the weight of them pressing down on you now more than ever.

“He watches you... a lot.”

You tore your eyes away, focusing on the task at hand—pouring drinks, handling orders, acting like everything was normal. But it wasn’t. You could feel it. The air felt heavier, the weight of their attention lingering on you even when you weren’t looking. You couldn’t shake the feeling that something had shifted tonight, like the ground beneath you had subtly shifted, and you were the last one to notice.

You tried to push the thoughts aside, tried to tell yourself that it didn’t matter. You didn’t have time to get wrapped up in whatever was going on between Remy and Jean. You had a job to do. And yet, no matter how hard you tried to focus on the drinks in front of you, your mind kept drifting back to that brief exchange.

Did Jean see something you hadn’t? Did Remy?

Your hands moved on autopilot as you mixed another order, but your mind was elsewhere—trapped in the space between Jean’s knowing gaze and Remy’s watchful glance. You couldn’t help but wonder what Jean had said to him, what had passed between them in that quiet moment. Was she telling him about your conversation in the bathroom? Was she warning him? Or maybe she wasn’t talking about you at all. Maybe this was all in your head, a product of too many long nights working in this place, too much time spent wondering what, exactly, was simmering beneath the surface of Remy’s attention.

But deep down, you knew better.

Something had changed tonight. It was subtle, almost imperceptible, but it was there. You could feel it in the way your skin prickled whenever you caught sight of Remy’s figure in your peripheral vision. You could feel it in the way Jean’s words kept replaying in your mind, over and over, like a warning you couldn’t quite decipher.

You set the drink on the counter with a little too much force, the glass clinking loudly against the wood. Carol shot you a glance from the other end of the bar, her brow furrowing in concern. “You okay?” she asked, her voice cutting through the haze of your thoughts.

You forced a smile, nodding quickly. “Yeah, just... long night,” you muttered, wiping down the counter with a rag as if that could somehow scrub away the unease bubbling inside you.

Carol didn’t press further, but you could feel her eyes on you for a moment longer before she turned back to her own set of customers.

You glanced back up at the VIP section, half-expecting to see Remy still watching you, but he wasn’t. Jean was sitting beside him, her posture relaxed, her hand no longer on his shoulder. They were talking now, but whatever conversation they were having seemed far removed from you. Remy’s attention was back on his crew, his body language easy, casual, as if nothing had changed at all.

But you had changed. Something in you had shifted, and now you were acutely aware of the weight of his gaze, even when it wasn’t on you. You could feel it, lingering in the back of your mind, a constant hum of awareness that refused to be ignored.

You busied yourself with another round of drinks, trying to shake off the strange mix of emotions swirling inside you. But the truth was, you couldn’t stop thinking about that glance. That brief, fleeting moment when your eyes met his across the room.

Because in that moment, you realized something you had been trying to ignore for weeks.

You weren’t just another face in the crowd to Remy LeBeau.

And now, you weren’t sure what to do with that realization. <><><><> The thin thread of the night finally snapped at 1:51 AM.

You knew this because you had glanced at your watch, mentally counting down the hours until your shift ended at 3 AM. It was a ritual at this point—checking the time, calculating how much longer you had to endure the chaos of the club. The energy had been simmering all night, stretched taut like a rubber band, and you could feel it was close to breaking. But you hadn’t expected this.

It didn’t take much, if you were being honest. You’d seen worse over the years—much worse. You’d heard more vulgar words, dealt with more aggressive patrons, and usually, you handled it without a second thought. But tonight, something felt different. The tension was thicker, the air charged with an undercurrent you couldn’t quite place. And then there was him.

The man at the center of it all had been pushing buttons from the moment he stepped through the door. Handsy. Mouthy. You knew the type all too well—arrogant, cocky, the kind of guy who believed the world revolved around him. But what stood out, what made your stomach twist just a little tighter, was the way he seemed to be performing. He wasn’t just harassing you for the sake of it. No, he wanted an audience. He wanted to be seen, wanted to be noticed—by you, by the crowd, but most of all, by Remy LeBeau.

And notice, Remy did.

It started off small—a few offhand comments that you and Carol had brushed off. Carol, with her blonde mohawk and sharp brown eyes, had been working the other end of the bar, serving drinks while keeping a wary eye on the man. Every time he got a little too loud, a little too suggestive, she’d shoot him a glare and say, “Okay, that’s enough.” But her warnings fell on deaf ears. He kept pushing, kept drinking, kept testing the limits of what he could get away with.

By the time he turned his attention to you, several hours and several drinks later, his inhibitions had melted away, leaving only the worst parts of him on display. You felt his eyes on you, that leering gaze that made your skin crawl. You’d been through this a hundred times before, and you’d learned how to handle it. Abigail had a strict rule: When you work the club, you don’t leave behind the bar unless absolutely necessary. Part of it was logistics—there was always a demand for drinks—but it was also for your safety. If anything kicked off, you had radios, and security was always nearby. It was a system that worked. Usually.

But tonight, the man didn’t care about rules. He didn’t care about the bar or the space between you. He wanted a reaction, and when you told him he’d had enough to drink, that he was cut off, you saw the shift in his eyes. The thin veneer of control he’d been holding onto dissolved in an instant, and suddenly, his hand shot out, grabbing the front of your shirt in a tight fist.

The force of it yanked you forward, your body slamming against the counter as he tried to drag you over the bar. The shock of it hit you first—how could this have escalated so quickly? You weren’t afraid, not yet, but your adrenaline spiked as you tried to pull back, your hands scrambling for purchase on the slick surface of the bar. Your eyes darted toward the security on the floor, hoping someone saw what was happening, but the crowd was thick, and the noise of the club swallowed your silent plea for help.

But before you could even call out, Remy was there.

It was like he had materialized out of the shadows, moving faster than you’d ever seen him move before. One moment, the man had his hands on you, his grip painfully tight, and the next, he was being ripped away, spun around so fast that his head snapped back in shock. Every muscle in your body tensed as Remy’s hand shot out, catching the man by the collar and slamming him against the bar with a force that made the glasses rattle.

And then, in one smooth, terrifying motion, Remy pressed the barrel of a gun inside the man’s mouth.

The cold metal glinted under the dim lights of the club, and the entire room seemed to freeze. The music still throbbed in the background, but it was as if the dancers, the patrons, the staff—all of them—had forgotten how to move, how to breathe. The pure, unfiltered rage on Remy’s face was something you had never seen before, and the sight of it sent a jolt of fear through your chest. For a split second, you thought he might actually pull the trigger.

The man who had grabbed you—so arrogant and full of bravado just moments ago—was trembling now, his eyes wide as the cold steel pressed harder against his lips. He had wanted Remy’s attention, and now he had it.

All of it.

Remy’s voice was low, almost a growl, as he spoke. “Ya ever touch her again, and I’ll end y’.” His finger hovered over the trigger, the click of the safety flicking off loud enough to cut through the music. The threat wasn’t just words—it was a promise, and everyone in the room knew it.

Your heart pounded in your chest, your breath catching in your throat. You wanted to say something, to stop this from spiraling further out of control, but you couldn’t move. You were frozen, trapped in the intensity of the moment, your mind racing to process what was happening.

Then, out of the corner of your eye, you saw Jean. She moved quickly but gracefully, her red hair catching the light as she crossed the room. She didn’t speak at first, just placed a gentle hand on Remy’s arm, her fingers brushing the gun with a tenderness that seemed almost out of place in the chaos of the moment. Her expression was calm, but her eyes—those eyes that always seemed to know more than anyone else—spoke volumes. It was a silent plea: Not like this. Not here. Not in front of everyone. Not in front of her.

For a moment, you weren’t sure if Remy would listen. The tension between him and Jean was palpable, the fury still radiating off him in waves. His grip on the gun never wavered, his body coiled tight like a spring ready to snap. You could feel the weight of his anger, the way it filled the room, suffocating everything in its path.

But after what felt like an eternity, Remy flicked the safety back on, the sound almost as loud as a gunshot in the stillness of the club. He lowered the gun, slipping it back into the waistband of his pants with slow, deliberate movements, his eyes never leaving the man in front of him.

When he finally let go, the man crumpled to the floor, gasping for breath as if he had been holding it the entire time. Remy took a step back, his gaze sweeping over the crowd, and you realized then that this wasn’t just about the man who had grabbed you. This was about everyone in the room. This was a message, loud and clear.

Remy LeBeau was reminding them all who he was—and who you were.

You were under his protection. Not just that, but in some unspoken way, you were his. His to protect, his to defend. And anyone who disrespected that, who crossed that line, would be dealt with swiftly and without mercy.

The weight of it settled over you as you watched Remy, your pulse still racing, your mind struggling to catch up with what had just happened. He wasn’t just a man who controlled the underground world of New Orleans; he was a man who commanded respect, who held power in his hands like it was second nature. And tonight, he had made it clear that you were part of that world now. Whether you wanted to be or not.

You caught his eye then, the heat of his gaze locking onto yours from across the bar. His expression was unreadable, but there was something there—something dark and possessive that made your stomach twist. For a moment, you just stood there, the noise of the club slowly returning around you, but all you could hear was the pounding of your own heartbeat in your ears.

Jean lingered beside him, her hand still resting lightly on his arm, her presence grounding him in a way that both comforted and unnerved you. She gave you a small nod, a silent acknowledgment of what had just transpired, and you found yourself nodding back, though you weren’t sure what you were agreeing to.

And as the crowd slowly began to move again, the music picking up where it had left off, you realized with a sinking feeling that nothing would be the same after this.

You weren’t just another face in the crowd anymore.

You were something more. Something dangerous.

And as you stood there, your hands trembling slightly as you reached for a glass, you couldn’t help but wonder what that meant for you—what that meant for the future.

Because now, you weren’t just working in Remy LeBeau’s world.

You were part of it. <><><><<><><><><> From where he sat in the VIP section, Remy had a perfect view of you behind the bar. It wasn’t something he had planned or even consciously acknowledged; it had just become a habit—a quiet, unspoken one that he hadn’t let himself fully unpack. His eyes kept drifting back to you throughout the night, watching the way you moved, the way you handled the chaos of the club with a quiet efficiency that never failed to impress him. There was something about the way you navigated the room, how you blended into the pulse of the place yet stood out to him in a way he couldn’t quite explain.

The night had been relatively calm, at least by his standards. Business as usual. Drinks flowed, deals were whispered over tables, and the music throbbed like a heartbeat through the dim, smoky air. But even in the haze of the club, Remy could sense when something was off—when the subtle rhythm of the night began to shift.

And tonight, he felt it happen the moment that man walked through the door.

Remy had clocked him from the start, a loud, obnoxious guest who had already downed more drinks than half the room combined. He wasn’t the first or the last of his kind to come through the club, but there was something about him that rubbed Remy the wrong way from the very beginning. The man’s energy was chaotic, unfocused, like he was looking for trouble, daring the night to push back against him. Remy didn’t like him. Didn’t like the way he moved, the way he talked, the way his eyes lingered just a little too long on you.

Remy’s gaze narrowed as he watched the guy lean over the bar, his posture aggressive, his voice just loud enough to cut through the music. You were behind the bar, trying to keep things moving smoothly, but Remy noticed the subtle shift in your expression—the way your smile tightened around the edges, the way your shoulders stiffened ever so slightly. No one else would have noticed, but Remy did. He was always watching, always paying attention when it came to you, though he wasn’t sure why.

Or maybe he was.

The man was getting louder. His gestures became wilder, his movements more erratic with each drink. His words were slurred, but the intent behind them was unmistakable. Remy couldn’t hear every word from where he sat, but he didn’t need to. He knew the type all too well—handsy, cocky, convinced the world owed him something. The kind of guy who thought he could say or do whatever he wanted because no one had ever taught him otherwise.

Carol, working the other end of the bar, had already shot the man a warning or two, her sharp eyes narrowing in irritation. But he wasn’t paying attention to her anymore. His focus had shifted entirely to you, and that’s when Remy felt the first stirrings of anger coil in his gut.

He leaned back in his seat, fingers drumming lightly against the edge of the table as he watched the scene unfold. Jean, sitting next to him, said something—something inconsequential that barely registered in his mind. His attention was locked on the bar, on you, and on the man who was clearly getting too comfortable, too bold. Jean, always observant, noticed the shift in Remy’s demeanor, the silent tension in his body that told her something was bothering him. She followed his gaze, her eyes landing on you and the man who had caught Remy’s attention.

Remy’s eyes darkened as the man leaned in closer, his body language crossing a line that should never have been crossed. You were doing what you always did—keeping things professional, trying to diffuse the situation without making a scene. But Remy could see the tension building, could feel it in the air like the crackle of a coming storm. His jaw clenched as he watched the man’s hand graze too close to yours as you slid him his drink. He saw the way your smile faltered for just a moment before you caught yourself, how you stepped back to create more space between the two of you.

But space wasn’t enough. Not for this guy.

And then it happened.

The man’s hand shot out, grabbing the front of your shirt before you had time to react. It was sudden, violent, and Remy felt something cold and vicious flare inside him. Your body jerked forward, slamming against the counter as the man tried to drag you over the bar, his grip on your shirt tightening with a force that made Remy’s blood boil. The shock on your face was instant—your eyes wide, your mouth slightly open as you struggled to pull back, your hands pushing against the bar in a desperate attempt to steady yourself.

In that moment, something in Remy snapped.

He was on his feet before he even realized he was moving, the chair scraping loudly against the floor as he shoved it back. The club was still loud, the music pounding in the background, but in Remy’s mind, everything had gone silent. His focus had narrowed to one singular point—the man who dared lay his hands on you.

Remy’s movements were swift, fluid, like a predator stalking its prey. His pulse thrummed with barely contained fury as he reached into the back of his waistband, pulling out the gun he always kept hidden there. People instinctively parted to make way for him, sensing the danger radiating off him in waves. His expression was calm—too calm, the kind of calm that preceded a storm—but there was a cold, lethal fury in his eyes that made anyone who caught a glimpse of him take a step back.

He wasn’t thinking about the crowd anymore. Wasn’t thinking about the consequences. He could feel the knot in his stomach, a blind rage that he hadn’t felt in a long time. But underneath that rage, there was something else, something more dangerous. Something that had to do with you.

He had always protected his own, always made sure the people under his roof were safe. But this was different. This was personal. The thought of anyone laying a hand on you—of this man thinking he could do what he wanted without facing the consequences—made something dark and possessive rise up inside him, something he didn’t want to name.

He reached the bar in seconds, and before the man even had time to register what was happening, Remy’s hand shot out, gripping his arm with a force that would undoubtedly leave a bruise. The man’s grip on your shirt loosened as Remy yanked him back, spinning him around so quickly that his head snapped back in shock.

The club seemed to hold its breath as Remy shoved the man against the bar, his forearm pressed hard against the guy’s chest, pinning him in place. And then, in one smooth, terrifying motion, Remy pressed the barrel of his gun inside the man’s mouth.

The cold metal glinted under the dim lights of the club, and the entire room seemed to freeze. The music still throbbed in the background, but it was distant now, muffled by the weight of the moment. The rage that had been simmering beneath Remy’s calm exterior finally boiled over, but it wasn’t wild or uncontrolled. It was cold. Precise.

Remy’s grip on the man tightened, his knuckles white with the effort it took to restrain himself from pulling the trigger. He could feel the man shaking beneath his hold, could hear the muffled sounds of panic as the cold steel pressed harder against his lips.

He felt the rush of power, the satisfaction of knowing that he could end this man’s life in an instant. But more than that, he felt the burning need to make sure the man knew who he had messed with. That this wasn’t just about some random bartender. This was about you.

The man had wanted attention after all.

Remy’s voice was low, barely more than a growl as he leaned in closer, his dark eyes locked onto the man’s trembling face. “Ya ever touch her again, and I’ll bury y’.” His finger hovered over the trigger, the click of the safety being turned off loud enough to echo through the silence. It wasn’t a threat. It was a promise.

He felt the weight of his own emotions swirling inside him—rage, protectiveness, something much deeper and darker that he didn’t want to name. He hadn’t let himself admit how much he cared, how much he watched you, how much you’d quietly slipped under his skin. But seeing you in danger, seeing someone touch you like that—it had torn something open inside him that he couldn’t ignore anymore.

The man nodded frantically, tears welling in his eyes as he choked around the barrel of the gun. Remy held him there for a moment longer, his eyes flicking up to you, just for a second. And in that second, you saw the storm raging behind his calm façade. You saw the way his gaze softened slightly when it landed on you, even as his grip on the man remained unyielding.

He was doing this for you.

Jean stepped forward beside him, her presence a quiet anchor in the chaos. She didn’t say anything, just placed a gentle hand on Remy’s arm, her touch pulling him back from the brink. Her eyes met his in silent understanding, a reminder of where they were, of the eyes on them. Not here. Not like this.

Slowly, with a control that spoke volumes about the fury still simmering beneath his skin, Remy flicked the safety back on and lowered the gun. He didn’t look at the man again as he stepped back, his gaze fixed on you, making sure you were okay.

And in that moment, you realized something that left your heart pounding in your chest.

This wasn’t just about protection. It wasn’t just about the club.

This was about you. And Remy LeBeau wasn’t going to let anyone touch what was his.

Not now.

Not ever. <><><><><><><><><>><><>

As the night slowly resumed around you, the music picking back up, the patrons cautiously returning to their drinks and conversations, you continued your work, though everything felt different now. Your hands moved on autopilot, pouring drinks, taking orders, but your mind was somewhere else entirely. The scene that had unfolded moments ago kept replaying in your head—the way Remy had stormed across the club, the fury in his eyes, the cold precision with which he had handled the situation.

And the way he had looked at you afterward.

That look left a mark, something unspoken but deeply felt, and you couldn’t shake it. It wasn’t just that he had protected you—it was the way he had done it. Remy wasn’t just any man stepping in to diffuse a situation. No, he had made it personal. The intensity in his gaze, the possessiveness, the raw, quiet anger—it had all been directed at the man who had touched you, but in some twisted way, it had also been for you. It wasn’t just about keeping the peace. He didn’t care what anyone else thought, how it looked, or even the consequences.

He cared about you.

And that realization had left a knot in your stomach, one you couldn’t untangle. You’d always known Remy was dangerous, always felt the weight of his power in the club, but this was different. Tonight, he had crossed an invisible line, drawing you with him into something deeper, something heavier.

You were part of his world now, whether you liked it or not.

As the moments ticked by, you couldn’t shake the feeling that nothing would ever be the same again. Every time you caught a glimpse of him from the corner of your eye, that knot tightened a little more. You tried to focus on your work, tried to push the thoughts away, but they clung to you, wrapping around your mind like vines you couldn’t cut loose.

Carol noticed. Of course, she did. She had an eye for this kind of thing, sharp and intuitive. She sidled over to you as you were wiping down the bar, her presence a quiet comfort in the midst of your internal chaos.

“Hey,” she said, her voice low, barely audible over the music. “You should go home.”

You blinked, looking up at her in surprise. “What?”

“You’ve had enough for one night.” Her tone was firm but kind, and you could see the concern in her sharp brown eyes. “I can handle the rest with Clint. We’re almost done anyway.”

You opened your mouth to protest, but the words faltered. Carol wasn’t asking. She was telling you. And in truth, you wanted to leave. You needed to. Your hands were still trembling, your heart still racing with the echo of everything that had happened.

“You sure?” you asked, your voice quieter than you’d meant for it to be.

She gave you a tight smile, her mohawk catching the dim light as she nodded. “Trust me. We’ve got it. Go clear your head.”

You didn’t need any more convincing. With a nod of thanks, you untied your apron and slipped it off, hanging it behind the bar. Clint, who had been watching from the other side, gave you a small wave, his usual grin tempered by the weight of the night’s events.

As you stepped out from behind the bar, you felt the weight of the club fall away from you, but the knot in your chest remained. The noise, the lights, the people—it all seemed distant, like you were walking through a fog. You moved toward the exit, your steps slower than usual, as if your body was still processing what had happened.

When you finally pushed through the heavy doors and stepped out into the night, the cool air hit your face like a slap of reality. It was startling at first, the sudden contrast between the warmth of the club and the crisp bite of the night air. You inhaled deeply, the cold filling your lungs, and for a fleeting moment, it felt like you could breathe again.

But that feeling didn’t last.

The sounds of the city buzzed around you—distant car horns, the low hum of conversations, the occasional whoosh of a passing car—but you barely registered any of it. Your back was pressed against the hard, rough wall of the club, the gritty texture grounding you in the moment when everything else felt like it was spinning out of control.

You needed to breathe. You needed time. You needed everything you didn’t have right now.

Your mind was still reeling from the confrontation inside, from the way Remy had looked at you, the way he had spoken, the way he had handled that man like it was nothing. You’d known Remy was capable of violence—everyone in the club knew that—but seeing it up close, seeing it for you, was different.

And it terrified you.

But it wasn’t just fear twisting inside you. That was the worst part. Beneath the fear, beneath the shock, there was something else. Something deeper. Something you weren’t ready to face.

Slowly, you crouched down, sliding along the wall until you were sitting on the cold ground, your back pressed against the rough brick. You rested your head against the wall, closing your eyes for a moment as you tried to calm the storm of emotions swirling inside you. Each breath felt deliberate, controlled, as you fought to keep yourself grounded, to push back the confusion that threatened to overwhelm you.

You wanted to go home. You wanted to be far away from here, from the noise, from the confusion, from the weight of everything that had just shifted in your world.

But most of all, you wanted to escape him—the intensity of his gaze, the way he had looked at you like you were more than just another bartender, like you were his. That thought alone made your heart race in a way that had nothing to do with fear.

Because as much as you wanted to run, as much as you wanted to pretend that nothing had changed, you knew deep down that something had. That look in Remy’s eyes, the way he had stepped in without hesitation, the way he had protected you—it had stirred something inside you, something you weren’t ready to admit.

You couldn’t deny it anymore.

You’d always felt something for Remy LeBeau. It was impossible not to. He was magnetic, dangerous, and every time his eyes found yours, there was a spark, a pull. You’d ignored it for as long as you could, kept things professional, kept your distance. But tonight… tonight had changed everything.

He had crossed a line. And maybe, just maybe, so had you.

The city hummed around you, but all you could hear was the echo of his voice in your mind, the low growl of his threat, the way his eyes had softened when they landed on you. Your heart pounded in your chest, not from fear, but from something else—something you weren’t ready to name.

But as you sat there, the cold seeping into your skin, you couldn’t escape the truth anymore.

Nothing would ever be the same again. The door to the club swung open behind you with a soft creak, and the approaching footsteps echoed lightly against the pavement. You didn’t turn around—you didn’t need to. That steady, familiar presence was unmistakable, grounding you before you even saw him.

Steve Rogers.

He crouched beside you, his hand resting gently on your shoulder. The warmth of his touch cut through the coldness that had settled deep inside you, a quiet reassurance that you weren’t alone in this mess. Steve had always been like that—solid, dependable, always knowing when to step in without needing to say much.

“You good?” he asked, his voice low, filled with concern.

You nodded, even though the motion felt more automatic than truthful. The storm of emotions swirling inside you was too tangled to unravel right then, but you offered what you could. “Yeah,” you whispered, the word barely making it past your lips. “Just... needed a breather.”

Steve’s brow furrowed, his gaze flicking back toward the club, as if the memory of what had happened inside still hung heavily in the air between you. You could see him trying to process it—trying to make sense of Remy’s actions, of the chaos that had just unfolded. His instincts were to protect you, but even Steve couldn’t quite wrap his head around what had just happened.

“What’s goin' on between you and LeBeau?” he asked, his voice carefully measured. There was no accusation in it, just a genuine curiosity. “For him to do that… it’s gotta be something.”

You exhaled heavily, shaking your head. What was going on between you and Remy? You didn’t know. There was no explanation for the way he affected you, no logical reason for the strange, magnetic pull you felt every time he was near.

“I don’t know,” you admitted, your voice raw with confusion. “We’ve had, like, three actual conversations. That’s it. But…” You trailed off, searching for the words to describe the indescribable. The way Remy’s presence seemed to shift the air around you, the way he saw something in you that no one else did. But nothing you could say would make sense—not to Steve, not even to yourself. So you just shrugged, feeling more lost than ever. “I don’t know,” you repeated, quieter this time.

Steve’s eyes searched yours, his concern deepening. He wasn’t just asking out of curiosity; he was worried. Steve had always been protective of you, always looking out for you like a brother, and the fact that someone like Remy LeBeau had inserted himself into your life—it clearly didn’t sit well with him.

Before Steve could say anything else, though, the sound of footsteps approaching made both of you tense. Another presence stepped into view, and in an instant, the air around you thickened with something unspoken.

Steve straightened up, his body tensing as he rose to his full height. You looked up slowly, your heart skipping a beat when you saw who was standing there.

Remy LeBeau.

He stood casually, leaning against the wall with the easy confidence that always seemed to follow him, one hand in his pocket, the other holding a cigarette. The familiar flick of his lighter broke the silence, followed by the crackle of burning tobacco. He took a long drag, his eyes fixed on you, before exhaling a slow plume of smoke into the night air.

Steve was the first to break the silence, his voice calm but edged with tension. “You shouldn’t have brought a gun in there,” he said, his gaze steady, locked on Remy. “You should be kicked out for it.”

Remy didn’t flinch. His expression remained cool, unreadable, as he took another drag of his cigarette. His dark eyes flicked briefly to Steve, and when he spoke, his voice was low, smooth, that thick Cajun drawl rolling off his tongue like molasses.

“Then kick me out,” Remy said, his tone laced with an almost lazy defiance. “Ain’t stoppin’ you, mon ami.”

The tension between Steve and Remy was palpable, a thick, invisible cord stretched taut between them, threatening to snap. It was in the way Steve’s broad shoulders squared, his jaw clenched tightly with the effort of holding back words he wanted to say but chose not to. And it was in the way Remy stood, deceptively casual, his posture loose, but his eyes—those dangerous, dark eyes—were locked onto Steve’s with an intensity that spoke volumes.

There was a quiet kind of violence in the air between them, not the kind that exploded into fists or fury, but the kind that simmered just beneath the surface, waiting for the right moment to boil over. You could feel it pressing in on all sides, filling the space until it seemed almost unbearable, the weight of it settling deep in your chest.

Steve’s restraint was admirable, but you could see the conflict churning behind his eyes. His sense of duty, his unwavering belief in doing what was right, was at war with the growing frustration he felt toward Remy. To Steve, rules were not just guidelines—they were the foundations on which he built his entire life. And Remy? He was everything Steve wasn’t: unpredictable, wild, a man who didn’t give a damn about rules or boundaries if they got in the way of what he wanted.

But beneath that frustration, there was something else—a deeper concern. Steve wasn’t just angry because Remy had broken the rules by pulling a gun in the club. He was worried about you. Worried about what Remy’s presence in your life meant, about the kind of danger and chaos that seemed to follow him wherever he went. Steve had always been the protector, the one who kept you safe, and now it was clear that he wasn’t sure if he could protect you from this—from Remy, from the feelings you were starting to develop, from whatever this strange, magnetic force between you and Remy was turning into.

Remy, on the other hand, was a man who lived by his own rules. He didn’t play by anyone else’s game, and he certainly wasn’t about to start just because Steve Rogers told him to. There was a defiance in the way he stood, in the way he held Steve’s gaze without blinking, as if to say, You don’t scare me. You’re not in control here. But there was more to it than that. Beneath the surface, beneath the cocky arrogance and smooth indifference, Remy knew exactly what was at stake. He wasn’t oblivious to the way you and Steve were connected, to the unspoken bond between you two. And for all his bravado, he respected it, even if he would never admit it out loud.

The silence between them stretched on, thick and heavy, until it was almost suffocating. You could feel your own breath catch in your throat, your heart pounding harder with each passing second. Part of you wanted to step in, to say something, to diffuse the tension before it spiraled out of control. But you didn’t. You couldn’t. This wasn’t just about you. This was about them—about the unspoken battle between two men who, in their own ways, cared about you more than they would ever be able to say.

Steve’s hand twitched at his side, his fingers curling into a fist for just a moment before he forced them to relax. It was a small gesture, but you saw it, and you knew what it meant. He was holding himself back, forcing himself to stay calm when every instinct inside him was telling him to step in, to do something. But Steve was nothing if not disciplined, and he knew that this wasn’t a battle he could win with force. Not tonight.

Remy’s lips curled into the faintest hint of a smirk, just enough to needle at Steve without outright provoking him. It wasn’t a challenge exactly, but it was close enough. He took one last drag of his cigarette, exhaling slowly, the smoke curling into the night air like a ghostly reminder of the tension still lingering between them. His eyes never left Steve’s, and for a brief moment, something passed between them—something that felt almost like an understanding.

It was subtle, barely noticeable, but you saw the way Steve’s posture shifted. The rigid tension in his shoulders softened, just a fraction, and his stance became less defensive. He wasn’t letting go of his frustration, not entirely, but he was stepping back. He knew this wasn’t a fight he could have right now. Not with you in the middle of it. Not when there were bigger things at play.

For his part, Remy seemed to sense the shift, and the intensity in his gaze eased, just slightly. The smirk faded, replaced by something quieter, something that almost resembled respect. He didn’t say anything, didn’t need to. The challenge was still there, but it had softened into something less volatile. The two of them had reached an unspoken agreement, a temporary ceasefire. They both knew they weren’t done, that this tension would come back, but not tonight.

You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding, the tightness in your chest easing as the tension between them finally began to recede. Steve’s eyes showed what he needed to say to Remy but couldn’t. Keep her safe.

“I’ll see you later,” Steve said quietly, his voice softening as he spoke to you, not Remy. The words were laden with meaning, with the weight of everything that had just transpired, and with everything that still needed to be said. But he didn’t press. He was giving you the space to make your own choices, even if every fiber of his being wanted to protect you.

You nodded, feeling the gravity of the moment settle over you. You knew what his unspoken words meant. He was leaving you with Remy, and that meant more than either of them would ever admit out loud. Steve trusted you, even if he didn’t trust Remy. And that trust… it was everything.

With one last look at Remy, Steve turned and walked away, his footsteps steady and sure as the club door closed behind him with a soft click. The night felt suddenly quieter, colder, without the weight of his presence, but there was also a strange sense of relief. The storm had passed, for now.

Remy watched him go, his expression unreadable, though you could sense the tension still lingering in his frame. As the smoke from his cigarette dissipated into the night air, he finally turned his attention fully to you, his eyes softening in a way that belied the sharpness he had shown only moments before.

“Didn’t mean t’cause trouble for you, chère,” he said, his voice low, the Cajun lilt softer now, almost apologetic. “But I ain’t gonna stand by when someone’s messin’ wit’ you.”

You exhaled slowly, your heart still racing from the quiet intensity of the standoff. “I know,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper. And you did. You knew that as wild and unpredictable as Remy was, he had acted out of something deeper—something that had nothing to do with rules or consequences and everything to do with you.

The silence between you and Remy felt suffocating, thick with tension, charged not just with the weight of what had happened—but with everything that was still unsaid. The night air was cool against your skin, but all the heat of what had transpired inside the club still clung to you, making it hard to breathe. You stood up slowly, brushing off your legs more out of habit than necessity, trying to collect yourself, trying to focus on anything but the confusing storm of emotions swirling inside you.

When you turned to face him, Remy stood there, casually leaning against the wall, his hands in his pockets. But beneath his easy posture, you could see the coiled tension in his frame, the way his eyes followed your every movement with an intensity that made your pulse quicken. He had always been like that—watching you with a sharpness that made you feel like he could see right through you, see all the things you tried to hide.

“You didn’t have to do that,” you said, your voice quiet but firm, though it trembled ever so slightly. You weren’t sure if it was from the lingering adrenaline or something else entirely. “What happened in there… it didn’t have to go that far.”

Remy’s eyes met yours, and for a moment, you saw something in them that wasn’t anger or defiance. Beneath the layers of cool confidence and the cocky smirk that usually adorned his face, there was something softer, something almost vulnerable. It was rare to catch him like this, his guard down, his emotions barely concealed behind that mask he wore so well. He took a slow drag of his cigarette, letting the smoke billow out before speaking.

“He put his hands on you,” Remy said simply, his voice low and even, as if that explained everything. “That’s all I needed to know.”

You shook your head, frustration bubbling up inside you like a wave you couldn’t hold back. “Yeah, but pulling a gun? In the middle of the club? That’s not…” You trailed off, searching for words that could express the storm of emotions you were feeling. “That’s not how you handle things, Remy!”

His jaw tightened, his eyes narrowing ever so slightly. For a brief moment, you thought he might snap back, lash out with a sharp retort like he so often did when he felt cornered. But instead, he sighed, a deep, weary sound that seemed to carry with it more weight than just the events of the evening. His shoulders dropped, just slightly, his posture softening in a way that caught you off guard.

“Maybe not,” he admitted quietly, his voice almost a whisper now. “But I don’t handle people touchin’ you well. I don’t handle people hurtin’ you well.”

There it was again—that intensity, that possessiveness that sent your heart racing and made your head spin. You didn’t belong to him. Not really. But the way he had acted tonight, the way he had stormed into that club and made it clear to everyone that you were his to protect—it was undeniable. It was written in every action, in every word. And that terrified you.

You swallowed thickly, trying to regain some semblance of control, some sense of yourself that wasn’t tangled up in the complicated mess that was Remy LeBeau. “I can take care of myself,” you said, your voice sharper than you intended, as if by saying it aloud, you could make it true.

Remy’s eyes softened at your words, but his gaze didn’t waver. He took a step closer, his presence overwhelming, his voice dropping to that low, almost dangerous tone that always seemed to reach deep into your chest and twist something inside you. “I know ya can, chère,” he said gently. “But tha’ don’t mean ya have t’.”

His words hung in the air between you, and you found yourself at a loss. How could you argue with that? How could you argue with someone who had just put everything on the line for you, someone who had stepped into chaos without a second thought because the idea of you being hurt was something he simply couldn’t allow?

The silence between you stretched on, heavy and full of all the things neither of you were saying. You wanted to be angry. You should be angry. But the truth was, you weren’t. Not really. Because despite everything—despite the recklessness, the chaos, and the fact that Remy had just complicated your life in ways you hadn’t even begun to process—you couldn’t deny the way your heart responded to him. Something had changed tonight, something that couldn’t be undone, and the weight of that realization pressed down on you like a tidal wave.

Remy took one last drag of his cigarette, the orange ember glowing brightly for a moment before he flicked it to the ground, crushing it beneath his boot with a deliberate motion. His eyes never left yours, dark and intense, but there was something different now. The sharp edges were softened, replaced with something that made your heart ache in a way that scared you more than anything that had happened tonight.

“Let me take y’ home,” he said quietly, his voice so soft you might have missed it if you weren’t standing so close. There was no demand in his tone, no arrogance or bravado. Just a simple offer, laced with a sincerity that made your chest tighten.

You stood there for a moment, frozen, the weight of everything pressing in on you. You could feel the conflict warring inside you—the part of you that wanted to push him away, to tell him you didn’t need him, that you could handle your life just fine on your own. But then there was the other part, the part that couldn’t deny the comfort you felt in his presence, the safety you had come to associate with him, whether you wanted to admit it or not.

Your throat felt tight, and when you finally nodded, it was almost imperceptible, a small movement that spoke volumes. Because the truth was, despite everything, despite the chaos and the confusion, you wanted to go home. And more than that, you wanted him to take you there.

Remy’s eyes softened even further as he saw your silent agreement. He didn’t say anything else, didn’t need to. The small, almost imperceptible smile that tugged at the corner of his lips was enough to convey the relief he felt. He reached out then, his hand brushing lightly against your arm—just a soft, fleeting touch, but it sent a jolt of warmth through you that you couldn’t ignore.

He gestured toward the street, where his car was parked, and you followed him silently, your heart still racing, your mind still spinning. The walk was short, but every step felt heavy with the weight of what had just happened—what had been set into motion between you.

When you reached his car, Remy opened the passenger door for you, a simple gesture, but one that felt intimate in a way that made your chest ache. You slid into the seat, the smell of leather and cigarette smoke filling your senses as he closed the door behind you. Remy climbed in beside you, the door shutting with a quiet thud that seemed to echo in the stillness of the night. The familiar scent of leather and tobacco filled the small space of the car, wrapping around you like a reminder of him—of all the things he was, all the things he never said out loud. He didn’t start the car right away. Instead, he just sat there, his hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly you could see the tension in the way his knuckles turned white against the black leather.

The silence between you was thick, but not uncomfortable. It was more like the calm before a storm, the moment when everything hangs in the balance and you’re not sure if you should brace yourself or let yourself breathe. You could feel the tension radiating off him, a tangible thing that seemed to fill the car, pressing in on you from all sides. His jaw was clenched, the muscles ticking beneath his skin as if he were holding back something he couldn’t quite put into words.

He had been reckless tonight—more reckless than usual—even for him. And it wasn’t just the gun he’d pulled, or the way he’d stared down Steve without flinching, without backing down. It was something more than that, something deeper. You could feel it in the way he looked at you now, like there was a storm raging inside him that he was barely holding back. Something had shifted between the two of you, and whatever it was, it scared him as much as it scared you.

He glanced at you from the corner of his eye, his heart doing a slow, painful roll in his chest. You were sitting there, quiet, waiting. Maybe waiting for him to say something, or maybe just waiting for him to start the damn car. But he couldn’t. Not yet. Because if he started the car, if he took you home, it would mean the night was over, and he wasn’t ready for that. Not yet.

Remy had never been a man who thought much about the future. He lived in the moment, took what he wanted when he wanted it, and never let himself get too attached. Attachments were dangerous. They made you vulnerable. And vulnerability was something he couldn’t afford. Not in his line of work. Not with his past. But with you… Damn it, with you, it was different.

He hadn’t planned for this. He hadn’t planned for the way you’d slip into his life, a little bit at a time, until you were everywhere. In his thoughts. In his dreams. In the way his heart seemed to kick up a little faster whenever you walked into a room. He hadn’t planned for how much it would matter to him when you smiled at him, or how much it would tear him apart when you looked at him the way you were lookin’ at him now—like you were tryin’ to figure him out, tryin’ to understand why he was so damn complicated.

But even as the thought crossed his mind, his hands tightened on the steering wheel, the leather creakin’ under his grip. He couldn’t let go. He couldn’t just walk away. Not now. Not after tonight. He had made that clear the second he’d seen that guy put his hands on you in the club. The second he felt that flash of possessiveness burn through him like wildfire.

He’d seen red. He hadn’t thought. He’d just acted. Because no one—absolutely no one—was gonna touch you like that. Not while he was breathing.

But it wasn’t just about protecting you. It wasn’t just about making sure you were safe. It was more than that, and he knew it. Hell, he’d known it for a while now, even if he hadn’t wanted to admit it. You weren’t just some girl he was looking after. You weren’t just some fling, some distraction to pass the time.

You were something else. Something more. Something that scared the shit out of him.

Finally, Remy turned the key in the ignition, the car rumbling to life beneath you. He glanced over at you one last time, his eyes dark and serious, like he was trying to tell you something without speaking. And maybe he was. Maybe you didn’t need words to understand what was happening between the two of you.

As he pulled away from the curb, the city lights flickering through the windows, he couldn’t help but feel like something had shifted. Something fragile, something he wasn’t sure he could hold onto—wasn’t sure he deserved to hold onto—but he was damn sure gonna try.

Because for the first time in a long time, Remy LeBeau had something worth fightin’ for. <><><><><><><> When Remy finally pulled up in front of your building, the soft hum of the engine faded into silence, leaving only the quiet of the night and the steady rhythm of your own heartbeat. The car came to a stop, but neither of you moved. The street outside was still, the occasional flicker of a streetlamp the only sign of life. Inside the car, the air felt thick, heavy with everything that had happened and everything that had yet to be said.

You stole a glance at him from the corner of your eye. His hands still rested on the steering wheel, though his grip had loosened. For a moment, you thought he might say something—something that would break the tension, the uncertainty that hung between you like a fragile thread. But Remy remained silent, his gaze fixed ahead, his face unreadable in the dim light of the dashboard.

Finally, he broke the silence, his voice softer than usual but firm in its resolve. “I’ll walk ya’ up,” he said, the Cajun lilt in his words gentle, almost hesitant.

You nodded, not trusting yourself to speak. Part of you wanted to tell him no—that you didn’t need him hovering, that you could make it up to your apartment just fine on your own. You’d done it countless times before. You were independent. You were strong. But tonight, after everything that had happened—the fight, the gun, the raw intensity in Remy’s eyes when he had stepped between you and danger—well, tonight was different. There was a part of you, a part you weren’t quite ready to acknowledge, that wanted him there. That needed him there.

Without another word, the two of you stepped out of the car, the night air cool against your skin, a stark contrast to the warmth of the car. The quiet of the street seemed to mirror the silence between you as Remy fell into step beside you, his presence solid and reassuring, like an anchor in a world that suddenly felt too unsteady. The narrow staircase that led to your apartment loomed ahead, but it felt longer than usual, each step charged with an unspoken tension.

He didn’t say a word, but you could feel him beside you—his quiet strength, the subtle protectiveness in the way he moved. It was like he was always aware of you, always making sure you were okay, even if he didn’t say it out loud. His hand hovered near your back, not quite touching but close enough that you could feel the heat radiating from him. The air between you buzzed with something electric, something neither of you seemed ready to confront.

When you finally reached your door, you paused, fumbling with your keys. Your fingers felt clumsy, as if the weight of the night had finally caught up with you. The lock clicked open, but you hesitated, turning to face him, searching for the right words. But they didn’t come. Your mind raced, your heart pounded, but your mouth remained silent.

For a long moment, you just stared up at him. There was something in his eyes as he looked back at you—something deep and complicated, like he was wrestling with feelings he didn’t quite know how to express. You had seen Remy in all kinds of situations—cocky, charming, dangerous—but this was different. There was a vulnerability there, hidden beneath the surface, something he tried to mask with that same hard-edged exterior he always wore.

Finally, you managed to speak, though your voice was barely above a whisper. “Thank you,” you said, the words simple but heavy with meaning.

Remy’s expression softened, the hard lines of his face easing just for a moment. His eyes, usually so full of playful mischief, now held something else—something quieter, more raw. He didn’t say anything right away, just looked at you, and in that silence, you could feel the weight of everything that had gone unsaid between the two of you. The tension that had been simmering for so long, now bubbling just beneath the surface.

He nodded, a small, almost imperceptible movement, as if he understood what you were really saying. And maybe he did. Maybe he understood better than you gave him credit for. His hand brushed against your arm lightly, his touch warm and fleeting, like he was allowing himself that one last moment of contact before pulling away.

For a second, you thought he might say something more—something that would explain what was happening between you, something that would put words to the emotions swirling inside his chest. But instead, he simply nodded again, his lips pressed into a thin line. He turned, his hand already on the railing, ready to descend the stairs and disappear into the night.

But as his foot hovered over the first step, something inside you twisted, a sharp, aching pull that you couldn’t ignore. You weren’t ready for him to go. Not like this. Not with so much left open, unresolved. The thought of him walking away, of the night ending with him just… leaving, stirred something deep within you—a fear, a longing, an ache that felt too big to name.

Before you could think better of it, your voice broke through the stillness, stopping him in his tracks. “Remy,” you called, your heart hammering in your chest, your voice quieter than you intended but still louder than anything you’d said all night. “What… what happens now?”

He froze, his back still turned to you, his body caught in that space between staying and leaving. The streetlamp above cast his silhouette in shadow, and you could see the way his hand clenched briefly at his side, as if he were wrestling with something inside himself. The silence stretched on for what felt like an eternity, the distance between you suddenly feeling like miles rather than inches.

Then, slowly, almost reluctantly, he turned to face you again. His eyes—those red-on-black eyes that had always been so hard to read—were darker than usual, shadowed with something deep, something conflicted. The playful charm that usually danced behind his gaze was gone, replaced by something heavier, more serious.

“Wha’ happens now?” he repeated, his voice low and rough, like gravel scraping against stone. The question lingered in the air, thick with the weight of everything neither of you were saying. He let it hang there for a moment, as if he wasn’t sure how to answer, as if he was testing the words, feeling them out before he spoke again.

Finally, he took a slow breath, his eyes never leaving yours. “I don’ know, chère,” he said, his voice quieter now, more measured. “I don’ know what happens next.”

There was a vulnerability in his words, an admission that he didn’t have all the answers, that maybe he was just as lost in all of this as you were. It wasn’t like Remy to admit uncertainty, to let anyone see the cracks in his armor. But here, in the quiet of the night, with just the two of you standing on that doorstep, he didn’t try to hide it.

“I’ll see ya’ ‘round,” he finally added, his tone carefully neutral, the words almost too casual for what they carried. But there was something in the way he said it that made you feel like it wasn’t just a throwaway line. It was a promise, but one laced with uncertainty, with the tension of things left unresolved.

He took a step back, his eyes lingering on yours for a moment longer, as if he wanted to say more but couldn’t find the words. And then, without another word, he turned and started down the stairs, his figure slowly disappearing into the shadows of the street below.

You stood there, frozen, your heart still pounding in your chest as you watched him go. And even though he had promised he’d see you again, the sight of him walking away left you with an ache—a deep, hollow longing that settled in your chest, a feeling that maybe, just maybe, you weren’t ready to let him go.

Not yet.

Not like this.

[ivegotyourbackbuddie]

Ao3 Link because this one is a bit long <3

Buck ducks his head on his way into the station, hoping that it's one of those days where everyone else is too caught up in their own stuff to notice that he’s kind of spiraling.

It's not that he wants everyone to be going through stuff. And really, thinking that might bring it into existence, and the 118 already feels cursed enough as is. So, Buck really doesn't want anyone to be dealing with emotional baggage on the same level as what he's dealing with but-

"You alright?" Bobby asks as he turns off the stove, pulling everyone's attention toward Buck which is exactly what he doesn't need right now.

"Fine. Just thinking," Buck replies easily, ignoring the way Eddie is leveling him with an I know you're lying because you're a worse liar than Christopher look.

Before Eddie can say anything, Chimney points a piece of bacon at him and chimes in, "Uh oh. That's dangerous."

"What's more dangerous are the thoughts he isn't willing to share with the class," Hen says, eyebrows raised in an almost accusatory way. "So, what aren't you telling us?"

Buck shakes his head with a frown. "Nothing," he states, taking a place at the table and shoveling food on his plate, hoping it's the end of this conversation.

Eddie leans over and lowers his voice to ask, "You're not having nightmares again, are you?"

"No," Buck replies honestly, although after the events of last night, he just might.

"Maddie hasn't said anything, so it's not family related,'' Chimney very unhelpfully adds.

"Are you and Tommy okay?" Hen asks.

The grimace is entirely involuntary.

"Ding, ding, ding. We have a winner!" Chimney says with a laugh which dies down quickly when Bobby gives him a look.

"What happened?" Hen questions softly.

Bobby takes the opportunity to clear his throat. "Buck, you don't have to answer any of their questions if you don't want to, after all, we are all at work."

"When has that stopped anyone before?" Chimney asks, getting a swift kick in the shin by Hen in response.

The tiniest bit of relief floods his system when everyone stops pressing and moves on. Well, besides the occasional lingering glance of curiosity, they mostly move on. But the smallest part of Buck wishes they would press on because he has to tell someone, and while they are some of the nosiest people he's ever met, they're also family.

"I called Tommy the wrong name last night!" Buck blurts out.

Everyone stops mid-conversation to look at him.

"I called him the wrong name... and he left."

The amusement on Hen's face slips right off as she puts a hand over Buck's. "Oh, Buck."

Eddie swallows his food audibly before gently asking, "Left as in..."

Buck glances his way, taking in the soft sympathy in Eddie's eyes. "Left the apartment with a quick goodbye saying he needed time to think about things, and he hasn't talked to me since. It's been twelve hours."

"That's not too bad. What we really need to know is what name you called him. Then we can figure out the damage. And hey, I've had many girls call me the wrong name, and the longest I waited was maybe a day before speaking to them again," Chimney says.

"I don't think you're the best person to be giving advice about this," Bobby says with his ever-present small smile.

"Hey, I'm married now! I think I'm doing pretty great."

Bobby turns his attention back to Buck. "Hey, kid. We've all been there, okay? You're still in the early stages of this relationship, and it's natural to revert to old tendencies - including calling someone the wrong name. Hell, I've called Athena my first wife's name before; there's nothing to be ashamed of."

Buck shakes his head and stares down at the table. "But it was... really bad this time."

"This time?" Ravi asks in disbelief, only to be ignored as Buck continues.

"He didn't even look mad. He just looked... disappointed. And I thought it was something we could laugh off because really it was just a slip of the tongue! I mean, I didn't mean to call him 'Bobby!'"

An eerie silence settles in the station as everyone takes in what was said.

Buck tries to defend himself with a quick, "Uh-" But is immediately cut off by the bell going off.

On the way to the scene, everyone glances at Buck who finally says, "Okay, so Tommy has a daddy kink."

"Yeah, I could've gone my whole life without knowing that," Chimney sighs.

"And!" Buck continues, "Daddy and Bobby are... kind of similar sounding, you know? Daddy... Bobby..."

"If you say 'daddy' one more time, I will revoke Uncle Buck privileges," Chimney groans.

Hen shrugs and says, "There's nothing wrong with a daddy kink as long as everyone is consenting. Now a Bobby kink..."

There's a mixture of laughter from Hen and Chimney, an ay dios from Eddie, a mumbled what is happening from Ravi, and Bobby pointedly tries to ignore the conversation.

"We were in the kitchen and he handed me-!"

"Nope! I do not want to hear about your sex life, Buckaroo!"

Buck frowns at Chimney for a moment before his eyebrows shoot up in shock. "Oh! No! You all think I- Oh god. No. No." Buck shakes his head seriously and continues, "The kink extends outside of the bedroom. He likes it when I call him that all the time. Like when we're having dinner or when we're making dinner. Which is exactly when it happened last night. See, Bobby and I cook all the time, plus like I said Bobby and Da-"

"Alright, we're one minute out, let's wrap this conversation up please," Bobby says, as the tips of his ears turn red.

"Yes, d- Bobby. Shit," Buck mutters, ignoring the cackling around him. Who knew a minute could last so long?

Luckily, the call isn’t too bad – a car accident with the worst injury being minor airbag burns. They're able to clear the scene quickly - too quickly in Buck's opinion because none of them forget their previous conversation.

On the ride back, it takes less than a minute before Eddie asks, "So, I don't get it. You misspoke, and Tommy just... walked out?"

"If it was during sex... that would definitely be off-putting, but you would think you could just laugh it off even if it killed the mood," Hen thinks aloud, "But what exactly did you say when you called him Bobby?"

Buck shifts uncomfortably in his seat as he recalls the moment. "He just asked me to hand him the garlic powder, and I said 'Yes, Bobby' and immediately started laughing about it because I thought we could just laugh it off. But when I saw he wasn't laughing I apologized because it was an honest mistake, but he said the thing about taking time to figure things out, and he walked out."

"Maybe he didn't want to be compared to Cap because he's ancient," Chim jokes, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

Hen laughs and looks at Bobby. "You have no comeback today?"

"Don't need one if being ancient got me Athena."

There's a series of cooing, awws, and catcalls from everyone as they're quick to tease Bobby who throws a proud smile over his shoulder. Buck tries his hardest to focus on the secondhand love he feels for their relationship but notices how dim it is when compared to his tarnishing relationship. Bobby must notice it because he's quick to say, "Tommy is a good man. He'll come around."

Buck nods, lost in the thought of what if he doesn't? and too distracted by it to conceal his other thought, "Yeah, if he can get over me calling him Eddie in bed then he should be able to get over this, right?"

A weird strangled noise comes out of Chimney's mouth and Hen's jaw visibly drops. But Buck's eyes shoot to Eddie when he realizes what he just confessed.

Eddie just smiles, looking disturbingly undisturbed and a little amused and maybe… proud?

A minute of silence passes by before Ravi of all people asks, "So is no one going to question what was just said?"

Eddie shakes his head and laughs. "Come on, you guys. You said it yourself it happens to everyone. And I've had my fair share of partners who have gotten offended because they thought I said 'Buck' but 'Buck' and 'fuck' sound very similar."

"Just like 'Eddie' and 'baby' sound similar," Buck rushes to say, jaw tight, nodding quickly in agreement.

"Yeah because I'm sure that..." Chimney trails off and throws his hands up. He shoots Hen a look and asks, "Do you want to take this one?"

Hen blows out a deep breath of air and shakes her head. "They don't pay me enough to even begin to unpack this."

Eddie rolls his eyes and bumps his knee against Buck's. "This doesn't change a thing between us, okay?” He lowers his voice to say, “And between you and me, there was definitely one time I clearly said your name, so I guess we're even."

"You realize our radios are all on the same channel, right?" Bobby asks with barely veiled amusement.

Eddie's eyes widen for a second before he straightens up and fixes everyone with a flat look, almost daring them to say anything.

"Does this happen often?" Ravi asks naively.

"With these two idiots?" Hen asks.

"Yes," comes the answer from Chimney, Hen, and Bobby.

Buck crosses his arms, but he can't feel too bad when Eddie shoots him a small private smile.

Soon enough, they get back to the station, and Buck can sense something is off when he's the last to get out of the truck.

"Someone is here to see you, Buck," Bobby says, his smile tighter than usual before he squeezes Buck's arm and walks past him. Buck glances over everyone else's shoulders and finds Tommy standing there, hands in his pockets looking slightly uneasy.

"So, I'm assuming everyone knows," Tommy comments to the group who all look around uncomfortably.

"I think Cap said something about cleaning something upstairs," Ravi says before running off. He's definitely one of their smartest firefighters and probably their least nosy - maybe there's a connection there. Buck doesn't have much time to think about it as everyone rushes past him, giving him looks of encouragement and poorly concealed grimaces.

"Hi, Tommy," Buck says, purposefully saying his name to prove to both of them that he's capable of it.

"Evan," Tommy replies easily. He glances up and sighs, "Let's go somewhere a bit more private, hm?"

Buck turns and finds everyone including Bobby leaning on the railing upstairs, trying to overhear. Buck furrows his eyebrows and frowns at them, shaking his head - although he knows if the roles were reversed, he would definitely be doing the same thing.

He follows Tommy outside and takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry," he says sincerely.

Tommy nods, the ever-so-slight smile appearing on his face. "I know." He just looks out around them, glancing up at the sky as if trying to determine the impending weather. Buck nearly makes a joke about it, but Tommy beats him to speaking first. "I'm sorry that I walked out like that. I should have said what it was that was bothering me, but I truly needed the time to get my thoughts together."

"And that's okay. You can take all the time you need."

Tommy nods again before finally looking at Buck. "Evan, I think we both know what I'm about to say."

Buck's heart sinks to his stomach as he shakes his head. "No, I really don't."

Tommy glances over his face, frowning for a moment before fixing him with a look of... pity? "You really don't know, do you?"

Buck shakes his head, but he's pretty sure he can tell when someone is breaking up with him. So maybe he should nod, but this feels like something more than that.

Tommy puts his hands in his pockets and takes a step closer to him. "The reason I left like that wasn't because I was angry that you called me Bobby. And really, it was funny as hell given the situation."

"But?" Buck can't help but ask.

"But," Tommy continues, "It was your reaction that startled me." Buck shakes his head, confused as ever. Tommy just sighs. "Evan, you were genuinely startled by it and taken off guard. You immediately laughed it off, and I knew it was nothing. But that made me remember the other time when you said Eddie's name-"

"Which was also an accident!" Buck cuts him off, quickly, almost desperately.

The look Tommy gives Buck nearly makes him want to take the statement back. "Please, Evan. You didn't just laugh it off then, and we both know it. And we always avoided bringing it up because we both knew what happened. From the beginning, I accepted that it was only a matter of time before you figured it out."

"Figured what out?" Buck questions weakly.

Tommy pauses, seemingly debating if he's going to tell him or not. Eventually, he settles on saying, "Both times were an accident. But one was an honest mistake while the other... wasn't."

There's a moment where Buck almost brushes it off and says I don't know what you're talking about. They were both a mistake. But he can't lie to himself or Tommy anymore, and he can see the moment that Tommy registers that, expression dropping to something somber but not surprised.

"You got my attention, Evan. But whose attention was it that you were really after?" Tommy asks, slowly backing away.

"I really liked what we had!" Buck interjects before Tommy can get away.

Tommy gives him a small smile. "I did too. But we both knew it was only a matter of time." He hesitates before walking up to Buck and pressing a soft kiss on his cheek. "Goodbye, Evan. And go talk to Eddie, please."

Buck huffs out a small humorless laugh, experiencing a weird sense of deja vu. He watches as Tommy walks away and doesn't say anything in response because if he fucks up his name one more time, he doesn't think he will ever recover.

As he makes his way back into the station, he notices that most people are upstairs actually minding their own business. But then he catches Eddie watching him carefully and slowly approaches him.

"I take it that went well?" Eddie asks.

Buck chuckles and glances over his shoulder to where Eddie must've had a clear view of their conversation. "Were you watching me?"

Eddie shrugs. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

He says it so casually yet sincerely that it makes Buck duck his head, trying to fight the blush that threatens to color his cheeks. "Yeah, I'll be okay."

"So, everything is good then?"

Buck pauses and considers what Tommy had said – go talk to Eddie. “Yeah, things are… good.”

Eddie raises his eyebrows slightly, definitely not believing Buck’s weird tone.

Buck sighs and looks down. “Okay. They’re not good. But they’re fine. We broke up- amicably! And… I’m fine.”

Eddie takes a step closer and tilts his head down so Buck looks him in the eye. “Are you sure?”

It takes a moment for Buck to process what Eddie has said- he always gets flustered when he stands this close. He wonders how he pushed it all down before. But he remembers all the pep talks he would give himself to confess things to Eddie before finding out he was seeing someone new, and all the times he was with Christopher and knew that he would do anything for the kid. Anything meaning not dating his dad and fucking up their whole dynamic. And that’s the thing about Buck, he never knows how to keep a good thing. And if Eddie were the one to leave… he thinks it might destroy him.

“I will be fine,” Buck insists and plasters on a smile. “And don’t worry, I won’t stop your and Tommy’s whole bromance thing. So don’t stop hanging out because of me.”

Eddie frowns and puts a hand on Buck’s shoulder, thumb resting on his collarbone. “You know you’re my best friend, right? Even if I’m out with Tommy, you can always call me, and I’ll be by your side in a heartbeat.”

“Even if he’s flown you to a different state?” Buck jokes.

“I’ll make him fly back even faster. Maybe even see if he can land where you are,” Eddie answers, smiling wide and sincerely. Buck laughs.

They remain there for a few moments just smiling at each other before the moment is interrupted. “Everything okay?” Bobby asks cautiously.

“It will be,” Buck says with a nod because it will be.

He just hopes it will be sooner rather than later.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Buck’s in Eddie’s kitchen the Thursday after the breakup, staring at the calendar with the dumb circle around the date. Basketball pick-up game with Tommy.

Jealousy still swirls in the pit of Buck’s stomach, and he’s no longer trying to fool himself that he’s jealous of Eddie. He never really has been, and he wonders if Eddie knows that. Because Thursdays are Eddie and Tommy’s night. Even with Christopher’s absence and Buck’s extended stays at Eddie’s, Thursdays are the nights Tommy comes over to distract Eddie from the emptiness for a while.

But tonight, Eddie asked Buck to come over and have dinner with him probably knowing Buck would’ve had the tiniest mini spiral on his own. And Buck wonders what he’s done to deserve such an amazing best friend.

He glances in the pantry, wondering if he should tell Eddie to cancel the pizza order he'll be picking up on his way home in favor of Buck making something that will distract him from his thoughts. Just as Buck picks up his phone, there's a rattling of keys in the front door that makes Buck nearly jump out of his skin as he rounds the corner until he sees Eddie pushing the door open.

"You're early," Buck states as he takes the pizza out of his hands.

"Basketball ended early today," Eddie replies easily.

Buck narrows his eyes at him because he's pretty sure the only way that's true is if basketball ended early only for Eddie. "Right."

"I'm going to shower. Find something for us to watch tonight."

As Eddie goes down the hall, Buck calls after him, "You know you don't have to baby me, right?"

"Who else am I supposed to baby with Chris gone?" Eddie yells back, knowing that Buck can't really argue with him. He only wishes he had something to throw at him in response. He really should've made some popcorn.

While Eddie quickly showers, Buck set the pizza down in the living room and grabs two beers, plates, and napkins before settling on the couch. He opens Netflix and goes to his account, knowing Eddie’s is full of romcom suggestions that he pretends to hate, and picks out a random true crime documentary that fulfills Buck’s thirst for random knowledge and Eddie’s thirst for drama.

Eddie joins him a few minutes later wearing slightly ratty sweatpants and an old t-shirt that clings to his chest and arms just right.

Buck averts his gaze before Eddie can catch him staring, although he thinks he might be too late because he sees Eddie watching him carefully out of the corner of his eye. Buck grabs the remote and presses play in hopes of distracting him, but weirdly enough, Eddie’s gaze never really seems to leave him. At one point, Buck even glances over and gives him a questioning look which Eddie answers with a shake of his head before looking at the TV only to glance back at Buck a few moments later.

When the documentary comes to an end, Buck has absorbed about none of it and he doubts Eddie has either. So instead of talking about it, he grabs their empty plates and heads to the kitchen hearing Eddie trailing behind him with their empty bottles.

“Want another one?” Eddie asks as Buck rinses off their plates.

Buck shakes his head. He has a feeling that Eddie is about to ask him how he’s doing or something, and although another beer won’t really affect his cognitive abilities, Buck rather not take any chances. Once he’s through with putting the plates in the dishwasher, he turns carefully and leans against the counter, locking eyes with Eddie who lingers by the fridge, eyebrows furrowed in thought.

“Is there something you need to talk to me about?” Eddie questions, throwing Buck for a loop.

“Me? I was going to ask you the same thing after you found me more entertaining than that documentary,” Buck jokes.

Eddie frowns and looks away from him. “I did not.”

“Tell me one thing that happened during it.” And Buck really hopes he doesn’t say anything because he wouldn’t be able to confirm it.

Luckily, Eddie stammers for a moment before sighing, “I was staring out of concern after Tommy said…”

Buck's heart drops to his stomach as Eddie trails off. “What did he say?”

Eddie pauses and crosses his arms. “He asked if you had talked to me, and I told him you told me about the breakup, but he acted like there was something more that you needed to say.”

Buck crosses his own arms to try to hide how much his hands are starting to shake.

“Is there more?” Eddie asks.

There’s a moment where Buck almost says, No. I don’t know what he’s talking about. But then he hesitates, wondering if this is it. This is his moment.

Before he knows it, too much time has passed for him to lie and say there’s nothing, so Buck lets out a deep breath and takes a seat before he does something dumb like lock his knees for too long and pass out mid-confession. He looks up at Eddie who begins leaning against the fridge, head framed by one of Chris’s tests with a big A on it.

“I never told you why we broke up,” Buck confesses. “I never even told you the truth about why we started dating.” He pauses and looks down, unable to look at Eddie’s reaction as he continues. “You know, when I met Tommy, I thought he was pretty cool with the whole flying-a-helicopter-through-a-hurricane-to-help-us-without-asking-any-questions thing. I mean. Who does that? So, yeah I asked him for a tour because I wanted to get to know the guy - as a friend.

“And then, I saw him with you,” Buck looks up at Eddie, reimagining the moment. “And you were so happy with him. Happier than I’d seen you in a while, and I knew I should’ve been happy that you got a new friend. But I was devastated. And I felt so guilty about it, especially after the whole basketball thing. I told Maddie about what happened, and she told me all about this best friend she had and how she got jealous when she got a new best friend, and I thought… that was it. As selfish as it was, I wanted to be your one and only best friend.”

Buck pauses, wondering if he should cross this line, but Eddie nods gently in encouragement, brows furrowed as he takes it all in, and Buck continues, “But that wasn’t it. And deep down, I think I knew what was really happening, and I didn’t want to admit it. So, I changed the narrative in my head a bit… I think? Honestly, things aren’t one hundred percent clear to me about how I repressed it - but all of a sudden I was so sure that I was jealous of you. That I was jealous of you hanging out with Tommy. And that’s what I told him before he kissed me, and things just progressed from there. And really, I was happy with our relationship, he was great, and he was… kind of like you. But…” he trails off, words on the tip of his tongue but unwilling to fully let them escape.

“But?” Eddie prompts so gently that Buck almost doesn’t hear it.

In one breath, Buck says, “But he wasn’t you.”

Eddie’s eyebrows shoot up so fast that Buck would find it comedic if it was in any other situation. “So, you’re saying…” Eddie asks, head cocking to the side.

“Calling Tommy ‘Bobby’ was an accident,” Buck states, uncomfortably straightening up in his chair as he prepares himself for what he’s about to say. “Calling him your name was not.” And just to put the final nail in the coffin Buck says, “And it was never his attention I was after. It was yours. I wanted you, but I couldn’t handle the thought of telling you and ruining things between us. I never wanted to jeopardize our friendship or my relationship with Chris, but here I am… doing exactly that.”

Eddie purses his lips and nods for a few long moments before turning to the fridge and opening it up, grabbing two beers, and setting them on the counter.

“I’m good, Eddie.”

Eddie shakes his head. “No, these are both for me.”

Buck feels his entire being shrink in on itself and he wonders if this is the worst rejection he’s ever felt.

“To think,” Eddie clarifies quickly, walking over to place a hand on Buck’s shoulder, thumb soothing over his collarbone. “About everything you said - which absolutely won’t ruin our relationship or your relationship with Chris. I promise. I just need a few minutes.”

And that’s all Buck needed to hear to know no matter the result of this conversation, things would be okay.

He stands up quickly, suggesting, “Why don’t I let you sleep on it?”

Eddie gives him a look mid sip that says no before he can actually say anything. “The only way you’re letting me sleep on it is if you stay the night on the couch because I’m not letting you doom spiral in your apartment.”

“I wasn’t going to…” Buck trails off when Eddie raises his eyebrows at him. “Okay, yeah, I would’ve spiraled on my own. But let me at least give you some space to think.”

Eddie nods, eyes staring off into space entirely unfocused.

Buck quietly says, “Okay,” under his breath and goes to the living room, closing the kitchen door behind him. He takes a deep breath and settles on the couch, trying to make himself comfortable but failing entirely. He takes out his phone and starts typing a message to Maddie saying this is probably crazy but remember that time you said something like whatever I had to tell Eddie I would tell him in my own time? well, guess who just found out what you meant by that and told their best friend they’re in love with them???

But then he remembers Maddie will tell Chimney and Chimney will tell Hen and Hen will tell Karen and Athena and Athena would tell Bobby and… really he does not want everyone to know he confessed his feelings for Eddie before Eddie has time to process those feelings.

Buck sighs and goes through his apps before going to Google and looking through whatever is trending in searches before going down a rabbit hole that becomes a fairly decent distraction until he thinks Man, I need to send this article to Eddie. Then he gets an achy feeling in his chest.

Quite a few minutes pass before Buck gets a sudden dry feeling in his mouth and he realizes he needs water. This is arguably the worst time to need water when the kitchen is off-limits, but he doesn’t think he could drink straight from Eddie’s bathroom sink faucet without feeling weird about it. Plus, he’s sure Eddie will understand, and he won’t interrupt his moment if he’s quick about it.

So, Buck makes his way to the kitchen, pulling the door open only to find Eddie pushing it open on the other side.

“Hey,” Buck says with a small smile.

“Hey,” Eddie responds, eyes trailing over Buck’s features as if taking them in for the first time.

A few seconds pass before Buck finally asks, “Do you mind if I get some water?”

Eddie shakes his head and steps back out of Buck’s way. But as Buck steps forward, Eddie shakes his head and says, “Wait, I’ll get it for you.”

Buck frowns, trying to interpret Eddie's body language, but he's not sure if he's ever seen him so... nervous or maybe... flustered?

As Eddie walks back to where Buck is lingering in the doorway, his eyes roam over Buck before he snaps himself out of it, shaking his head and handing Buck a glass of water. He turns and rubs his hands over his face. "Dios," he mumbles.

Buck doesn't say anything as he sips on his water, leaning against the doorframe and taking in Eddie's spiral. It's simultaneously comforting and nerve-wracking. After a few moments of silence, Buck finally asks, "You okay?"

Eddie pauses and glances up at him. Buck's almost sure that Eddie is about to lie and say he's fine, but right as he opens his mouth, he closes it and shakes his head. Buck wants to step forward and comfort him, but he hesitates, wondering if the push into Eddie's space will scare him away.

Eddie takes a few steps toward Buck, effectively making Buck feel pinned up against the doorframe. "I have been trying to replace the hole Shannon left in my life since she passed. And I've been finding all these replacements that never felt right. Hell, I found Shannon's doppelganger, and it still wasn't right. And I always thought that she was just irreplaceable. And I was right. No one will ever be Shannon, and no one will be able to replace her role in Christopher's life or what I had with her. And that’s okay. But... while I pursued all these women for the wrong reasons, I never realized that Shannon wasn't the only reason why things never worked out."

Eddie takes a deep breath and takes another step closer to Buck. "There was always this small part of me that knew that no matter what happened with my relationships, it didn't matter because you would always be there - for me and Christopher. But I never really considered that this," Eddie makes a quick motion between him and Buck, "could even be an option. And I feel..." He trails off as he stares at Buck.

"Uncomfortable?" Buck asks slightly cowering in on himself, prepared for the mental hit Eddie's answer will be.

Eddie gives him a flat look, completely shutting down all of Buck's thoughts. "Like an idiot," he states as if it's the most obvious answer. Eddie crosses his arms and takes another step toward him. "I mean, I’ve always known you were attractive. Sometimes I would wonder what it would be like to be one of your girlfriends – especially when they didn’t treat you right. I would imagine what I would do if I was them.” He runs a hand through his hair and sighs, “Hell, I used to call Ana your name often enough that Chris tried to make it an inside joke. At the bachelor party, I really should've known though because as soon as I saw you and Tommy together I felt... awful." Eddie laughs and shakes his head. "For a minute there, I was confused as hell wondering if I was suddenly homophobic."

Buck can't help but burst out laughing.

"It's true!" Eddie laughs and hits Buck on the arm. "I had to reevaluate my feelings when Karen and Hen walked in, and I became very aware that it was just a you and Tommy thing. Then, I thought maybe I was just jealous seeing you close to Tommy or maybe seeing Tommy close to you. But that didn't really make sense because I've been so excited whenever you hit it off with anyone else in my life."

"So, how did you rationalize that thought?" Buck asks, curiosity getting the best of him.

"I got blackout drunk and didn't think about it again." The answer is so immediate that Buck can't help but laugh again. Eddie smiles at him and nudges him on the shoulder. "I should say, I didn't think about it again until about half an hour or so ago"

Buck can't help but look at him a bit bashfully. "Sorry about that."

"Don't be," Eddie says, hand landing on Buck's shoulder. "Don't ever be sorry about telling me how you feel even if it sends me into an identity crisis of sorts."

Buck cocks his head to the side. "Identity crisis meaning...?"

"I might be into guys?" Eddie says more as a question than an answer, but it still makes Buck's heart skip a beat. "I'm not sure," Eddie confesses. He pauses, eyes roaming over Buck before breathing out, "I think I might just be into you."

Buck's brain lags for a few seconds as he processes what he's been dreaming about hearing practically since he met Eddie. After replaying the words in his head a few times, he can't help but ask, "Might?" But before Eddie can answer, Buck leans over far enough to set his glass down and effectively crowd into Eddie's space, "Because I know a way for us to confirm that you're definitely into me."

"Is that so?" Eddie asks, an amused smile gracing his face. The hand on Buck's shoulder slowly yet firmly travels up his shoulder to the back of his neck. "Do you want to show me?"

Buck doesn't trust any words that are about to come out of his mouth, so he lets out a shaky breath and nods, already feeling his cheeks flush and his eyelashes flutter involuntarily.

Eddie raises his eyebrows at him, and they both share a moment of this is really about to happen.

As they move closer together, Buck is sure something is going to interrupt them - like an alarm or an unwanted knock on the door.

But Buck's nose brushes against Eddie's gently, and then there's a breath shared between them before their lips connect gently.

Buck breathes in sharply, heart pounding in his chest, and Eddie responds by weaving his other arm around Buck's waist and pulling him in deeper as if he's trying to make them one whole entity. And who is Buck to deny him his wish?

Buck suddenly remembers that he also has arms which he uses to cup Eddie's face, and then he backs them up until his back is suddenly colliding with Eddie's fridge.

Eddie pulls back momentarily to make sure he's okay, and Buck laughs breathlessly before pulling him back in.

It feels like his first time on the job as a firefighter, the first time he and Eddie truly worked together as a team, and the first time he met Christopher. It feels right.

Buck smiles so wide that he has to pull away with a laugh that sounds almost like a sob, but he doesn't try to stop the happy tears that escape - especially when he sees Eddie in a similar state.

They both stare at each other in disbelief for a moment as they laugh and pull each other into a hug.

"I definitely just like you," Eddie chokes out.

Buck laughs and squeezes Eddie a little tighter.

They linger in the hug for a few moments longer than they usually would, swaying slightly. They slowly pull back to look at each other before resting their foreheads together. “This is real, right?” Buck questions quietly.

He can feel Eddie nod before he says, “It better be.”

Buck laughs softly. He pulls back and notices a faraway look in Eddie’s eyes. “You okay?”

Eddie nods and looks down. “I just wish Chris was here for this. He would probably roll his eyes at me and tell me that you were right in front of me the whole time. Or maybe he’d also feel like an idiot for not realizing that you’re all we need.”

Buck cups Eddie’s face again and redirects his gaze at him. “Hey, we’ll get to know what he thinks soon, okay? In the meantime, don’t you think it’s better that we work out all the kinks of turning what we had into something more before getting Chris involved?”

Eddie nods and laughs softly. “Of course, you already want to fix what we have before it's really begun.”

“I’m the guy who likes to fix things,” Buck says with a smile. “But I don’t think there’s much to fix here, you know?”

“Other than the years of dates, kisses, and declarations of love that I need to make up for,” Eddie comments cheesily.

Buck cocks his head to the side and feels his cheeks turning red. “Wow. Eddie Diaz is a romantic.”

“For you, I sure am,” Eddie flirts.

Buck can almost hear Christopher groaning at the line. “Declarations of love?” Buck recalls out loud.

A pinch forms between Eddie’s brows. “Yeah. You know that I love you.”

Buck frowns and tilts his head. “Really? Because I don’t think we’ve ever truly said that to each other.”

Eddie looks off as if trying to recall every moment they’ve spent together. He frowns and looks at Buck. “Another thing that should’ve made things obvious to us.” Buck laughs as Eddie smiles and grabs his shoulder. “But, just so you’re totally aware, Evan… I love you.”

“Yeah?” Buck asks with a big smile, already pulling Eddie back in for another kiss.

“Yeah,” Eddie mumbles against his lips.

A few moments later, Buck quickly pulls away and says, “I love you, too, by the way.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Buck laughs, “Good. But I’m still going to spend as long as I can proving to you that I love you more than you know. That I love you and Christopher more than you both know.”

Eddie smiles at him so sweetly that Buck almost forgets that he’s allowed to openly stare – more than that… he gets to openly stare at that smile forever. “And we’re going to do the same for you.” There’s a pause before Eddie gets a slight mischievous glint in his eye. “Just try to refrain from calling me ‘Bobby,’ okay?”

Buck sighs and rolls his eyes, pulling away to put his glass in the sink.

There’s a sudden loud chime, and a moment later Eddie gasps.

Buck turns to find Eddie turning the phone to him with a text from Christopher reading I’m ready to come home Dad. Love you.

“Scratch what we said about working out the kinks?” Buck says with a breathless laugh.

Eddie nods and kisses him. “Let’s go get our kid.”

[thepersonperson]

Backstory theory for Sukuna? I wanted to say Kenjaku and Tengen too but let's just stick with Sukuna for the sake of your sanity

(Written as of JJK 262 using TCB scans and raws. Click images for captions/citations. I want to see how poorly or well this ages.)

I already kind of went into how I think Sukuna’s birth occured answering this ask, and we know for a fact he was born as an unwanted little wretch. But that's not really a full backstory. I was a conjoined twin truther before the reveal so I'm definitely deranged confident enough to propose something.

What is Sukuna's deal anyways?

When I say Sukuna and Gojo are twin flames, I'm referring to how their internal logic and their narrative framing are very similar. For this reason, I believe how they respond to trauma is also similar.

Much of early JJK is a different reread knowing Gojo's specific trauma. His use of the childish Boku as his personal pronoun, his obsession with sweets, having Infinity on all the time, his avoidant attachment style, and his fierce desire to ensure teens enjoy their youth...all these little trauma-induced quirks hidden in plain sight, sometimes as humor, are now depressing reminders of what Gojo went through. You also start to see how paranoid he is about another Toji incident with how he treats Miguel and Hanami...

Sukuna's backstory has probably been set up in the exact same way. It's likely that most of Sukuna's actions and attitude are influenced by some unrevealed/hinted at trauma. Since he and Gojo are twin flames, I'll try to piece it together using Gojo as the blueprint.

Sukuna's Way of Speaking

In the same way Gojo's manner of speaking is unusual for his age, Sukuna speaks really weird even compared to other incarnated sorcerers. If you're not aware, Japanese pronouns do not carry gender, but they do indicate how the speaker views themself and the person they're talking to. (This wiki summary table is quite helpful for this sort of thing.)

Sukuna's personal pronoun is 俺 (Ore) which is very informal, rough, and masculine. And he uses お前 (Omae) as the you pronoun for others which is either a casual thing amongst peers or indicates the speaker's higher status. (It's probably the later given how arrogant Sukuna is.) These are also the same pronouns Yuji uses for himself and others. But because of his personality, we can infer that Yuji uses Ore because he's a sporty boy from the countryside and Omae because he's friendly and views everyone as equals. Same pronouns, but completely different characterizations that get lost in translation.

Sukuna also uses 貴様 (Kisama) as the you pronoun for Gojo. Historically, this was a formal way to show respect and then it evolved into an ironic hostile insult sort of thing, much more rude than Omae. Since Sukuna is 1,000 years old, uses Omae for Yuji, who he hates, we can reasonably assume him using Kisama for Gojo is the formal version. (This would be another very funny instance of Gojo thinking Sukuna hates him but he’s actually trying to be nice.)

All of Sukuna's pronoun usage combined with his personality suggests a very tough and rude individual, which he is. However that rough speaking style is exactly why his frequent use of flowery language, double entendre, clever wordplay, art references, and puns is bizarre.

The weird way in which Sukuna uses words is most known by how he speaks to Megumi during their fight at the detention center. (I'm paraphrasing all this person's translation work for this.)

Sukuna uses the phrase "misetemiro" which is commonly translated as "show me/show me what you’ve got". The caveat here is that the "mi" of "misetemiro" can be written as 見 or 魅. When using 見, translating as "show me" is most accurate. When using 魅? The better translation is "bewitch me/enchant me/charm me/fascinate me".

Sukuna, of course, uses 魅, which means he's saying "enchant me" when he uses "misetemiro". It should be noted that this exact phrasing is used for Mahoraga before it cuts off Gojo's arm. (This is apparently what what Sukuna finds to be enchanting. Violence against Gojo Satoru.)

The thing is, Megumi heard Sukuna say "misetemiro", so he likely assumed the common meaning "show me". This is either a case unintentional misunderstanding or Sukuna making his true feelings dubious. That in of itself is the best example of the double-meaning wordplay Sukuna gets up to.

Sukuna seems to be really fond of puns in particular (very old man of him). He calls Yuji 小僧 (kozō) which can be translated as brat, but it also means young/novice monk.

He also uses extremely outdated words. (An example of which was provided by this user.)

You have all of these conflicting speaking mannerisms balled up into one character. It's as if a gangster/ruffian majored in Literature Arts. And that’s precisely why I think he was of low status at birth.

Sukuna's Upbringing

We all know Gojo's Limitless Cursed Technique (CT) is a literal and metaphorical barrier between him and other people. His technique is his isolation. And how it developed informs us directly of how his interpersonal relationships changed with it.

Back when Gojo only had Blue and Infinity had to be manual, it meant that he had downtimes where he was vulnerable. That physical vulnerability doubled as emotional vulnerability and Gojo was able to form a close relationship with Geto and befriend Shoko. After he awakened, Infinity could be on nonstop. Gojo became untouchable to everyone at all times and it destroyed his relationships.

In the same way Gojo's CT compliments his changes from child to adult, I believe Sukuna's CT does the same.

As we all know by now, Sukuna's Shrine or 御厨子 (mizushi) could be referring to a Buddhist shrine used for storage or a imperial palace kitchen. I think it’s both at the same time. To me Sukuna's CT indicates he initially cooked for the emperor and then became an object of worship at a shrine. But I have some additional caveats to this theory.

We know that Sukuna learns by mimicking others. It wouldn’t be a stretch to say he picked up on formalities while being near nobility if he was of low birth. But how did a lowborn like Sukuna get near nobility in the first place?

So historical Japan had a social caste system called Ritsuryō (you can read more about its application in the Heian Era here). The upper class was called Ryōmin (good citizens) and the lower class was called Senmin (low citizens). Amongst the lower class there are the following subcastes:

Ryōko (dedicated to the imperial family or guards of imperial tombs)

Kanko (dedicated to public ministries)

Kenin (servants of high-ranking families)

Kunuhi (slaves of the court)

Shinuhi (slaves of families)

I think Sukuna was a Kunuhi or court slave during his time as an imperial cook. That would give him access to the higher art forms directly or by listening in while also explaining why his speech appears to be a mesh of two completely different backgrounds. (If he were of noble birth, his personal pronoun would likely be Watashi, Waga, or even Ware-Ware like most snobby upper class characters in Japanese media.)

Another trait of the slave class is their forbiddance from having a registered family name. Both Sukuna and Uraume use full names as a show of respect. The fact they only use single names for each other suggests that they have no family names at all and fall under this low class category.

The other thing to note about this caste system is that class mobility in both directions was possible. To what extent I'm not sure (there’s not a lot of in depth literature in English), but this would allow for Sukuna to rise from a lowborn status and fall back to it as the Disgraced One.

In summary:

Sukuna is born and branded an undesirable. (Some of his tattoos match up with markings for both criminals and outcasts. Particularly the single band around the wrist labeled Hinin, a term that translates to non-human used for the lowest social class.)

Sukuna is taken into slavery where his talents start to show. (Durable, 4 limbs, and quick learning make for great labor exploitation.)

Sukuna, as a slave, eventually finds himself working in the kitchen for the emperor where he meets Uraume, who is there under similar circumstances. (Heian nobles were fascinated by commoner life and sometimes took peasants into the palace for entertainment/exploitation. Please read this entire thread on Heian commoner life it’s very good.)

They rise through the ranks together because of hypercompetence.

Eventually Sukuna becomes so strong that he becomes an involuntary saint/warrior monk. (Heian nobles mobilized monks for rituals and maintaining power.)

The court nobles start a smear campaign out of fear of his power and lowly upbringing, which causes Sukuna to have his Joker moment and start eating people. (Based on the mythological Sukuna stories.)

Sukuna's Theoretical Coping Mechanisms

After Gojo endured the fallout from Toji and Geto, he developed coping mechanisms to deal with it. They're all quite unhealthy to be frank—Gojo is very stuck in the past and seems to be in a near-constant state of trying to relive it, but better.

Those traits were all initially introduced as gags. It all made Gojo appear like a very strange, childish, and questionable adult. In retrospect it's all tragic. So with that in mind, I want to examine some of Sukuna's traits that could be a manifestation of past trauma.

It goes without saying that being a slave is traumatic. And the coping mechanisms developed to deal with that level of dehumanization don't go away if someone escapes it.

Sukuna's extreme aversion to being told what to do and self-centeredness reminds me of the ex-slave character, Izutsumi from Dungeon Meshi. She starts out as a slave paraded around as a circus freak after being experimented on before she's sold to a wealthy clan and forced to be a retainer. A curse is placed on her to keep her from escaping in the form of a tattoo around her neck. When she finally frees herself, she is very cat-like in her selfishness, poorly socialized, and abrasive. (Also she is canonically aroace!)

If you noticed, her personality sounds like a description of Sukuna's, so I'm left thinking he has some variation of that backstory (kind of like a combination of Toji and Geto's). It would fit with him being an unwanted child, explain his bizarre manner of speech, and give him a pretty good reason to be the way that he is.

In the same way Gojo used Hanami to relive his trauma but control the outcome, I think Sukuna uses Binding Vows relive and conquer his enslavement. The vows he constantly makes and breaks with himself are a show of control over thing that hurt him.

When binding vows are first introduced, it's by Sukuna and with chains. In the anime the chains constrict Sukuna until they destroy him.

This imagery is rather oppressive in nature. Similar to a prisoner's chains or a slave's chains. (And it's quite common for prisoners to be used for slave labor too.)

I've previously discussed how I view Kenjaku as someone who exists through nonconsent and causes others to relive their trauma. Gojo's sealing illustrates how this kind of manipulation works. And since Gojo's twin flame is Sukuna, I believe Kenjaku did something similar to him.

We've already established how much Sukuna hates taking orders from people and how much he wants to fight Gojo. Everything he has done for the past 6 months was for Gojo. And guess who stops him from obtaining what he desires? Kenjaku through a binding vow.

Sukuna also calls Yuji an 檻 (ori) which can be translated as cage. The type of "cage" ori can refer to is either one for animals or for criminals. Kenjaku pretty much created Yuji to contain Sukuna in this manner.

So we have 2 forms of restriction encroach on Sukuna's boundaries in a way that would be reminiscent of slavery. If Sukuna and Uraume are former slaves, their treatment of Kenjaku and each other makes sense.

With Uraume, Sukuna is gentle and reassuring. He faces towards them when speaking and will initiate conversations, going out of his way to praise their work. This seems a bit out of character given how harshly Sukuna treats others, even those he respects.

Uraume is constantly apologizing to Sukuna in a way that suggests in the past they were punished severely for the slightest mess up. Given their relationship and how little Sukuna cares when they're not perfect, I don't think Sukuna was the one to make Uraume feel this way. If they're ex-slaves, this constant groveling would read as trauma response, and Sukuna's reassurance would be him showing consideration for someone who went through something similar.

With Kenjaku, Sukuna never makes eye contact, often has his back turned, and only responds when spoken to. Uraume is constantly pissed at Kenjaku's presence and tries to keep the two separate as much as possible.

Whatever binding vow Kenjaku has wrapped Sukuna in is clearly upsetting to the both of them. I imagine those were the tools used to subjugate people within the Jujutsu hierarchy. Wait I don't need speculate on that point, Yuta already did this for me when he was forced to execute Yuji via a binding vow with the higher ups.

And you know who else might have suffered the exact same way? Uro.

And boy is Uro strikingly similar to Sukuna, enough for Yuta to notice. She had no name, was groomed into being a weapon by nobles, discarded after being used, and is now someone who toys with sorcerers as she tries to become her own person while scorning bonds/love.

And if you recall, Sukuna obliterated the Fujiwara Subjugation Clan and Uro isn't really mad at him for that.

Not just Uro, but Ryu is similar to Sukuna as well in his hunger and seeing others as meals to satisfy him.

These parallels seem deliberate and may hint of how Sukuna was treated in the past and what his true motivations are. Uro seeing the incarnation as a chance at a second life as her own person is probably how Sukuna feels. But you know. Both of them are beholden to Kenjaku so that “freedom” came with a steep price.

What separates Uro and Ryu from Sukuna is that they acknowledge exactly why they're here. They reflect on their old lives and take action to address their problems. Sukuna seems to be in some kind of state of denial.

I have no doubt Sukuna is serious when his ideals don't go beyond himself. What's troubling is how unaware of why he feels this way. He won't even acknowledge his hunger for an equal which is obvious to everyone else. He also doesn't seem to know why he incarnated, dodging Kashimo’s question on it entirely. It reminds me of Gojo, who despite being blatantly motivated by Geto and Toji, never shows it except in fleeting instances. And those instances are either internal or deliberately vague to whoever is hearing it.

I think this is because acknowledging he experienced weakness at one point in his life is admitting that he can be put in a position like that again. That can be a scary thing to confront. Gojo doesn't deal with the fact he can be made vulnerable and does everything in his power to prevent it while pretending nothing is wrong. Sukuna is doing the same thing when speaks of the past as briefly as possible and crushes anyone who might have power over him.

Uro herself kind of puts that motivating trauma in the back of her mind until Yuta's Fujiwara heritage and ideas trigger her. Not wanting to recall your life as a nameless slave and having it incidentally brought up by the phrase "live for others" kind of sounds like the beef Sukuna has with Yuji.

And imagine if Uro was trapped in Yuta’s body, where this lucky individual, born free, decides to become a Cog of his own volition. She would probably never stop hating him. (I think Sukuna is mad Yuji chose the life he escaped.)

This would also fit well with his initial view of heriarchies. As long as he's the strongest, he doesn't have to worry about becoming a slave again.

And in a way, this is also him showing concern for Gojo. You’re this strong and letting these fudgers push you around? Kill them.

I also think that's why this Yuji quote is going to age poorly.

I don't think Sukuna ever had the chance to live normally. This would also make this exchange really interesting.

Sukuna suggesting he has suffered more than Yuji fascinates me. Of all the things that could possibly be worse than what Yuji went through, I think existing as a slave and being subject to discrimination since childhood would make for a pretty compelling case.

Rejecting Love as Cope

I’ve been on about how Sukuna hates on love as a cope in other posts. I think the former slave angle gives a little more weight to this idea, his poor social skills, and general aversion to other people.

Love is a type of tethering to another person. Sometimes it results in marriage, a legal contract that binds you to another with a myriad of social expectations. If Sukuna is a former slave, his aversion to that sort of thing is only natural. Relationships of anykind are a bond that comes with restrictions.

I keep bringing up Yorozu because analyzing the ways in which she upsets Sukuna is useful for understanding him. Sukuna is most dead-eyed when marriage comes up and he sees losing as the same thing as death. The common problem here is Yorozu’s desire to control Sukuna’s life.

If you know anything about ex-slaves, it’s that they would rather die than go back to that.

Sukuna being the strongest means that no one can ever hold that kind of power over him again. And like Gojo, he believes human connections and love are a point of weakness that need to be discarded to obtain absolute strength. If Gojo is using that excuse to run away from others, Sukuna is using it too.

Despite rejecting all forms of love for the sake of self-preservation, Sukuna expresses cravings for it in very roundabout ways. Usually with how he mocks it.

Another puntastic bit of foreshadowing with Sukuna and Yuji’s binding vow, Enchain also doubles as a discussion about love.

Here's a link to the full poem and context of it.

In summary, it’s about a soldier who is on the brink of death, having lost nearly everything after being abandoned by those in power, lamenting the happiest days of his life with his love are ones he can never get back. (Kind of sounds like how Sukuna ruins Yuji’s life.)

Sukuna canonically reads literature about love and he will use that knowledge to torment people. That’s pretty interesting for someone who hates it. There’s also the underlying theme of exploitation and discardment in this poem that reflects how Jujutsu Society treats sorcerers. And in both cases, the strength to survive and love can’t be had.

Sukuna calls Kashimo greedy for wanting both. But much much earlier Sukuna warns Yuji that there are consequences for being greedy.

I really wonder why he believes that.

Jujutsu Society and Labor Exploitation

The other interesting thing about Izutsumi is how aimless she is after learning the modifications to her body are irreversible despite obtaining freedom. She simply doesn’t know what to do with this. And that makes sense. Grand ambitions take a backseat when all you know is surviving. Her development involves slowly learning how build relationships with others that aren’t exploitative and coping with the permanent changes to her body. And it only comes about because the people she finds herself with are other social weirdos who give her the space and time to change.

That’s what seems to be the problem with Sukuna. He doesn’t have a space within sorcerer or non-sorcerer society where he’ll be accepted and won’t be exploited. But I don’t need to tell you that, Nanami will.

He’s miserable as a sorcerer or not. Might as well pick the one he is good at.

Later he recounts exactly what made him come back.

And if you noticed, his listlessness after escaping Jujutsu and “I always thought that having a 'purpose in life' had nothing to do with me” is very similar to Sukuna’s boredom and “I'd never though about it. ...Ideals. Desires that go beyond oneself”.

It’s weird that Nanami and Sukuna have similar realizations about their place in society while arriving at completely different ways to deal with it. I think that’s intentional.

From an interview with Gege:

"If there was one thing worth mentioning, it's that no one has the ultimate truth. The “good guys” and the “bad guys”. Some seek to kill the hero out of pure selfishness, but others are led to this decision by logical reasoning. If no one is really right, then no one is wrong either. Each character is guided by their own ethics."

I've interpreted this quote as the author telling me to consider the characters as having similar motivations, but completely different methodologies and logic driving their actions. With that in mind, I have concluded the following:

Every single character that’s kind of insane has recognized the same problem. Japanese work culture sucks. It grinds you to dust, leaves you with no freetime, and even corrodes your identity under the guise of collectivism. “The nail that sticks out gets hammered down.” is the go-to Japanese proverb to justify conformity to this suffering. Uro calls it out exactly.

Toji and Maki are beaten into place, used as scapegoats, and isolated by their families for being born wrong and staining the Zenin reputation by existing. Toji decided the solution was killing sorcerers and leaving Jujutsu society. Maki decided the solution was killing her family (she did nothing wrong) and building a better Jujutsu society with allies.

Geto, Nanami, and Gojo all broke from overwork that isolated them and never allowed them to grieve. Geto decided the solution was killing non-sorcerers and leaving Jujutsu society. Nanami decided the solution was leaving Jujutsu society and doing non-sorcerer work. Gojo decided the solution was reforming Jujutsu society and eventually killing the higher ups (based).

So despite all these different solutions, some of which are indefensible, I understand exactly why they became that way. They’re dealing with labor exploitations and dehumanization without the theoretical framework to be productive about it. (Gojo is the closest person to discovering what a union is.)

Geto snapped from a single traumatic event coupled with the knowledge that his labor would be exploited until he joined the mountain of sorcerers’ corpses. Though he was introduced as a mass murdering lunatic, there were always hints of how badly he wanted sorcerers to be free of exploitation. (Karl Marx could’ve saved him.)

Sukuna experiencing the most egregious form of labor exploitation, slavery would fit into these themes nicely I think. It's the ultimate form of dehumanization—becoming a literal commodity for people to sell, trade, and break. (And him deciding to be this wild about it would be understandable to me at least because I truly believe in the John Brown solution for slaveowners.)

Sukuna is fond of Megumi, Maki, Gojo, and Jogo. Megumi was sold by his father to a clan, the Zenins tried to make Maki subservient for being female, Gojo was bossed around and run ragged by the higher ups, and Jogo was puppetted around by Kenjaku. All of these characters are powerful individuals that for one reason or another were shafted by societal constraints that had them exploited by others weaker than them. Since Sukuna likes people similar to him, it's not a stretch to assume he’s recognizing their hurt as his own.

And just like Geto, instead of abolishing the hierarchy that subjugated him, Sukuna has chosen to sit atop it to escape. But unlike Geto, Sukuna doesn't dream of a world where he enforces it. (The guy clearly hates having responsibilities and doesn't want to be a ruler. He just wants to do what he wants whenever he wants. You know, having freedom.)

Sukuna existed within a society where it was acceptable to own people if you were strong enough. The fact he treats Uraume, a voluntary servant, so well and refuses to keep slaves speaks volumes. Sukuna may live for himself but he clearly has some form of ethics about it.

Wait, what about Megumi’s subjugation?

Well, sometimes people are hypocrites. Nanami, Mr. Would’ve Loved Unions and outspoken labor critic, is content with pushing all the work onto Gojo, who has suffered in the exact same way he has.

Maybe it’s resentment for his Gojo’s birth making curses stronger and therefore harder to deal with. Maybe he sees Gojo as everything wrong with Jujutsu and is lashing out. The point is, I don’t know why Nanami made the exception to his rules for Gojo and that’s why I’m clueless on where Megumi fits into this theory.

I’m not sure if Sukuna intends to keep Megumi as a puppet forever. For the sake of his own entertainment, he’ll probably release him after ingesting his final finger if Yuji can’t separate them first. And in a very twisted way, his treatment of Megumi could also be seen as a cruel training regiment. Sukuna thinks suffering and isolation brings strength. That’s how he’s justifying whatever happened to him.

But on the other hand, maybe he won’t. Because now Megumi has the blueprint for surpassing him. Defeat means being a slave again and Sukuna can’t have that.

[cent-scratchnsniff]

here together

[magentagalaxies]

vent incoming:

got my grades back for my courses last semester and most of it was to be expected, mostly A's, maybe an A-, etc. but i honestly can't get over the fact that my independent study (the buddy cole documentary) was for some reason given a B. like sure getting a B isn't bad per se, I usually get at least one B every semester and i honestly don't really care about what my exact gpa is as long as i can graduate, but come on. this school put me through months of psychological torment over this project and didn't even have the nerve to give me a B+??? i'm still coping with the self-doubt they forced on me and this bullshit is not helping!!

[frankiebirds]

sorry i don't have anything to say about the "to hell and back" two-parter! it's a really good episode with some great guest characters and some real emotions. but it's based off robert pickton and that's all i can think about. may he rot.

[orcelito]

Honestly tho it's the "I don't love you" and "every time I said it was just automatic impulse" that's got me the most messed up. Like u couldn't even let me down softly by saying it just wasn't working out? You had to essentially tell me the whole thing was a lie??? After I TOLD you I had trust issues and felt like everyone is just going to leave me in the end???

Way to make me feel unlovable lol

[leatherbookmark]

also i'm team rinharu for the record. obviously

[sophieswundergarten]

Feeling Emotions about the kids still, but I think it's incredibly sweet that they don't really call each other "family". If they're talking about everyone as a big group, sometimes they use the word "family", but most often when talking about each other they say "friend"

Because it doesn't matter. "Family" doesn't indicate a better, stronger, or more important bond than "friend" to them. They love so many people and they love them all differently, but that doesn't make any one specific relationship more or less valid