#I just don't like them in Honda

[harbingersecho]

they had to pause their morning workout to drive wash to the ER at 7 am bc he somehow got hit by a car while getting mail. there's traffic. maine fiddles with the radio and carolina is imagining herself parkouring over the other cars

[crehador]

hi-drivers ✧ choose your ride

[willgrahamscock]

Things that make me lose my mind: Poolverine edition:

"Are you ready to be calm?"

"Not all of you was asleep."

Logan telling Wade that he'll never save the universe and it cuts to Wade looking like he'd been hit by a truck and the pan back to Logan instantly regretting it and getting even angrier than he was + Wade taking it all silently.

Wade using his thighs and leg to smash Logan's head into the side of the car.

Leg over Logan's shoulder as he penetrates Wade + Wade arching up and taking it like a good boy.

"I take it back, the Honda Odyssey fucks hard. Too bad you don't, needle dick." (ok, BRAT.)

"Oh we're just getting started, bub." (ok brat tamer.)

Logan smiling with Wade's blood dripping into his mouth. (freak...)

That shot of Wade bricked up in the back seat.

The entire Honda Odyssey scene alright. It's called sex when you're gay.

"You're the one that I want" Playing as they're trying to maul each other by the way.

D: "You smell something?" W: Yeah, you. A lot of you." Right before the DP variants appear. (why do you know what Wade smells like hm? that's gay.)

A song about blowjobs playing as they fight all the DP variants. "I'm down on my knees, I wanna take you there???" and "I hear you call my name, and it feels like home" (gay.)

From "Did you just say you made an educated fucking wish?" to "Don't listen to him he's a liar." to "You didn't lie, you made an educated wish."

From "It's one of god's best jokes that you can't die" to breaking down the reinforced steel door to get to Wade.

Wade getting jealous when other people were ogling Logan shirtless and Logan actually listening to Wade and putting on a jacket.

"They called after me and I ignored them." To Wade calling Logan's name and taking a second before turning and going home with him.

The way Logan looks at Wade when he's being introduced to Blind Al. (I haven't seen him smile like this ever.)

[raulfernandez]

How did I end up choosing a favorite Motogp team over 4 years after getting into the sport and then it's one that I only like one rider of

[murdrdocs]

car sex; cucking; mutant reader MDNI 18+ w/ LOGAN HOWLETT ft. WADE WILSON

chronically thinking about logan in that fuckass honda odyssey, but just fucking him. yeah, maybe there's blood every fucking where. maybe some of your wounds are still healing as are his. but the main event is the way his large body takes up the entire reclined seat, the pants of his suit pushed down to bunch at the center of his thighs. his gloves are still on as they grip at your bare hips, guiding you up and down on his cock.

everything about it was hasty. the center of your suit was peeled open to reveal your tits, your bottoms thrown in the drivers seat along with most of your weapons. in the midst of the battle you'd lost a few of them.

the odyssey might be a large car, but you barely have any space. one hand pressed up into the forever stained roof, the other pressed into logan's shoulder where your gun blew a hole only a few minutes ago. of course it's healed now, but the evidence is still there.

"this doesn't..." you try to speak but then logan thrusts up into you and he hits a spot that has your head lolling to the side, your lips parted and you think there's a bit of drool gathering at the corner. "this doesn't mean you won, by the way," you're eventually able to slip out through breathy gasps.

logan grins below you, looking completely relaxed and in control of the entire situation. "i think it does, bub." he tilts his head as he says it, scrunching his nose with an air of superiority.

and through it all, there's wade in the backseat, attempting to back seat drive all while holding his cock in his hand. he calls your name, getting your attention from logan's eyes to the white slits in wade's mask.

"do that thing where you pull his little ears again. he likes that, don't you big boy?"

you're just about to do it in the name of curiosity by then logan reaches back with his claws revealed and slashes wade's thigh. when wade groans, you can't tell if it's out of pain or pleasure. knowing him it's likely both.

[orionsangel86]

I watched X-Men 2000 tonight. Yup the Deadpool and Wolverine brain worms got me - at least for a little while - so I figured I'd rewatch the old movies that I havent seen in over a decade and have basically forgotten entirely at this point.

You know what really stunned me? Even more than the slow pace, serious tone, actual dedication to telling a coherent and interesting story with layers of meaning and social commentary attached to it, as well as a sincerity that's been missing from most superhero films since the MCU was born (thanks Josh Whedon).

Nope, what shocked me most was this:

This is a perfect specimen of a man. Look at him. He's gorgeous. But look at his chest? His arms? He's muscular, he's pretty well toned, he's hairy. He's definitely got a six pack - but it's nicely covered by a healthy layer of fat. His skin is plump, he has a bit of squish to him. He'd probably be great to hug (Jean Grey certainly gives him a good squeeze lol).

When he sits down he looks like his stomach will roll just nicely. Like a stomach should.

I know my point here is obvious. It's just that scrolling the Deadpool and Wolvering tag is basically 50% "oh they definitely fucked in the Honda Odyssey" (yes lol) and the other 50% is just horny posting over Wolverine's topless scene like the entire site suddenly adopted Deadpools horny brain.

I gotta give props to Hugh Jackman for his dedication to turn himself into an actual comic book character - because that's what this new movie does. It gives us a comic accurate Wolverine in practically every way (except for his height lol) the suit is amazing, the cowl was a joy to see brought into live action. The body too though was straight out of a comic book artists male power fantasy.

What I wanted to emphasise was that this:

Is extremely tough on the human body. What I wanna know is how long he starved and dehydrated himself for before filming this scene? How long before they shot this did he last drink some water? Because damn that must have been tough. The oil and the lighting probably help further emphasise the muscle, vein, and sinew definition. It's probably similar to how body builders prepare before a show.

Nothing about body building is healthy though. So in the coming weeks as the whole entertainment industry rides on the coat tales of this movies success, and everyone goes crazy over Hugh Jackmans physique, please don't feel pressured into thinking that his 2024 physique in the movie is remotely realistic - or realistically attractive. Like I get the fantasy sure, but come on. I'd personally rather lie on a cushioned bed than a concrete floor.

Deadpool may disagree with me, but he's a masochist lol.

Oh and whilst I stand by the shade I threw at the MCU above, I think Wolverine's different physiques in the movies is a good standard of comparison for how much superhero movies have changed. Because when superhero comics first started getting adapted I think a lot of the choices made were about how to bring them to live action realistically and believably and the attitude was to try not to make them look ridiculous. The first X-Men movies definitely do this.

It was about bringing the comics to life in a way that fit in our world. But over the years, as audiences got more and more used to comic book movies the movies became more and more like comic books and less like a realistic adaptation of a comic book. Does that make sense? So as the movies attempted to bring the comics to life in a way that was less realistic and more comic accurate, the demands on the actors to sculpt their physiques to meet the standards of comic book art became normalised.

I think Deadpool and Wolverine is the MOST comic book accurate of all superhero movies made in the past 2 decades. Half the time the images from the movie look like they could be literally pulled from the pages of the comic books. The story is convoluted and stupid, the plot is barely there and is full of gaping plot holes and elements that don't fit any past stories. The action is ridiculous, extremely fast paced, gratuitous, and violent to a hilarious level. But it's so entertaining, joyful, exciting, and laugh out loud hilarious throughout.

It reminded me a LOT of my attempts at reading through the Deadpool comics (I've read a lot of them but no where near all of them).

To sum up this rambling message with multiple points, I'll say that Deadpool and Wolverine is a really fun movie that I thoroughly enjoyed, but make no mistake there is nothing real in it at all. It is almost literally a comic on screen. Don't expect anything more than that and you'll enjoy the experience.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Your car spies on you and rats you out to insurance companies

I'm on tour with my new, nationally bestselling novel The Bezzle! Catch me TOMORROW (Mar 13) in SAN FRANCISCO with ROBIN SLOAN, then Toronto, NYC, Anaheim, and more!

Another characteristically brilliant Kashmir Hill story for The New York Times reveals another characteristically terrible fact about modern life: your car secretly records fine-grained telemetry about your driving and sells it to data-brokers, who sell it to insurers, who use it as a pretext to gouge you on premiums:

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/03/11/technology/carmakers-driver-tracking-insurance.html

Almost every car manufacturer does this: Hyundai, Nissan, Ford, Chrysler, etc etc:

https://www.repairerdrivennews.com/2020/09/09/ford-state-farm-ford-metromile-honda-verisk-among-insurer-oem-telematics-connections/

This is true whether you own or lease the car, and it's separate from the "black box" your insurer might have offered to you in exchange for a discount on your premiums. In other words, even if you say no to the insurer's carrot – a surveillance-based discount – they've got a stick in reserve: buying your nonconsensually harvested data on the open market.

I've always hated that saying, "If you're not paying for the product, you're the product," the reason being that it posits decent treatment as a customer reward program, like the little ramekin warm nuts first class passengers get before takeoff. Companies don't treat you well when you pay them. Companies treat you well when they fear the consequences of treating you badly.

Take Apple. The company offers Ios users a one-tap opt-out from commercial surveillance, and more than 96% of users opted out. Presumably, the other 4% were either confused or on Facebook's payroll. Apple – and its army of cultists – insist that this proves that our world's woes can be traced to cheapskate "consumers" who expected to get something for nothing by using advertising-supported products.

But here's the kicker: right after Apple blocked all its rivals from spying on its customers, it began secretly spying on those customers! Apple has a rival surveillance ad network, and even if you opt out of commercial surveillance on your Iphone, Apple still secretly spies on you and uses the data to target you for ads:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/11/14/luxury-surveillance/#liar-liar

Even if you're paying for the product, you're still the product – provided the company can get away with treating you as the product. Apple can absolutely get away with treating you as the product, because it lacks the historical constraints that prevented Apple – and other companies – from treating you as the product.

As I described in my McLuhan lecture on enshittification, tech firms can be constrained by four forces:

I. Competition

II. Regulation

III. Self-help

IV. Labor

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/30/go-nuts-meine-kerle/#ich-bin-ein-bratapfel

When companies have real competitors – when a sector is composed of dozens or hundreds of roughly evenly matched firms – they have to worry that a maltreated customer might move to a rival. 40 years of antitrust neglect means that corporations were able to buy their way to dominance with predatory mergers and pricing, producing today's inbred, Habsburg capitalism. Apple and Google are a mobile duopoly, Google is a search monopoly, etc. It's not just tech! Every sector looks like this:

https://www.openmarketsinstitute.org/learn/monopoly-by-the-numbers

Eliminating competition doesn't just deprive customers of alternatives, it also empowers corporations. Liberated from "wasteful competition," companies in concentrated industries can extract massive profits. Think of how both Apple and Google have "competitively" arrived at the same 30% app tax on app sales and transactions, a rate that's more than 1,000% higher than the transaction fees extracted by the (bloated, price-gouging) credit-card sector:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/06/07/curatorial-vig/#app-tax

But cartels' power goes beyond the size of their warchest. The real source of a cartel's power is the ease with which a small number of companies can arrive at – and stick to – a common lobbying position. That's where "regulatory capture" comes in: the mobile duopoly has an easier time of capturing its regulators because two companies have an easy time agreeing on how to spend their app-tax billions:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/06/05/regulatory-capture/

Apple – and Google, and Facebook, and your car company – can violate your privacy because they aren't constrained regulation, just as Uber can violate its drivers' labor rights and Amazon can violate your consumer rights. The tech cartels have captured their regulators and convinced them that the law doesn't apply if it's being broken via an app:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/18/cursed-are-the-sausagemakers/#how-the-parties-get-to-yes

In other words, Apple can spy on you because it's allowed to spy on you. America's last consumer privacy law was passed in 1988, and it bans video-store clerks from leaking your VHS rental history. Congress has taken no action on consumer privacy since the Reagan years:

https://www.eff.org/tags/video-privacy-protection-act

But tech has some special enshittification-resistant characteristics. The most important of these is interoperability: the fact that computers are universal digital machines that can run any program. HP can design a printer that rejects third-party ink and charge $10,000/gallon for its own colored water, but someone else can write a program that lets you jailbreak your printer so that it accepts any ink cartridge:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2020/11/ink-stained-wretches-battle-soul-digital-freedom-taking-place-inside-your-printer

Tech companies that contemplated enshittifying their products always had to watch over their shoulders for a rival that might offer a disenshittification tool and use that as a wedge between the company and its customers. If you make your website's ads 20% more obnoxious in anticipation of a 2% increase in gross margins, you have to consider the possibility that 40% of your users will google "how do I block ads?" Because the revenue from a user who blocks ads doesn't stay at 100% of the current levels – it drops to zero, forever (no user ever googles "how do I stop blocking ads?").

The majority of web users are running an ad-blocker:

https://doc.searls.com/2023/11/11/how-is-the-worlds-biggest-boycott-doing/

Web operators made them an offer ("free website in exchange for unlimited surveillance and unfettered intrusions") and they made a counteroffer ("how about 'nah'?"):

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2019/07/adblocking-how-about-nah

Here's the thing: reverse-engineering an app – or any other IP-encumbered technology – is a legal minefield. Just decompiling an app exposes you to felony prosecution: a five year sentence and a $500k fine for violating Section 1201 of the DMCA. But it's not just the DMCA – modern products are surrounded with high-tech tripwires that allow companies to invoke IP law to prevent competitors from augmenting, recongifuring or adapting their products. When a business says it has "IP," it means that it has arranged its legal affairs to allow it to invoke the power of the state to control its customers, critics and competitors:

https://locusmag.com/2020/09/cory-doctorow-ip/

An "app" is just a web-page skinned in enough IP to make it a crime to add an ad-blocker to it. This is what Jay Freeman calls "felony contempt of business model" and it's everywhere. When companies don't have to worry about users deploying self-help measures to disenshittify their products, they are freed from the constraint that prevents them indulging the impulse to shift value from their customers to themselves.

Apple owes its existence to interoperability – its ability to clone Microsoft Office's file formats for Pages, Numbers and Keynote, which saved the company in the early 2000s – and ever since, it has devoted its existence to making sure no one ever does to Apple what Apple did to Microsoft:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2019/06/adversarial-interoperability-reviving-elegant-weapon-more-civilized-age-slay

Regulatory capture cuts both ways: it's not just about powerful corporations being free to flout the law, it's also about their ability to enlist the law to punish competitors that might constrain their plans for exploiting their workers, customers, suppliers or other stakeholders.

The final historical constraint on tech companies was their own workers. Tech has very low union-density, but that's in part because individual tech workers enjoyed so much bargaining power due to their scarcity. This is why their bosses pampered them with whimsical campuses filled with gourmet cafeterias, fancy gyms and free massages: it allowed tech companies to convince tech workers to work like government mules by flattering them that they were partners on a mission to bring the world to its digital future:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/10/the-proletarianization-of-tech-workers/

For tech bosses, this gambit worked well, but failed badly. On the one hand, they were able to get otherwise powerful workers to consent to being "extremely hardcore" by invoking Fobazi Ettarh's spirit of "vocational awe":

https://www.inthelibrarywiththeleadpipe.org/2018/vocational-awe/

On the other hand, when you motivate your workers by appealing to their sense of mission, the downside is that they feel a sense of mission. That means that when you demand that a tech worker enshittifies something they missed their mother's funeral to deliver, they will experience a profound sense of moral injury and refuse, and that worker's bargaining power means that they can make it stick.

Or at least, it did. In this era of mass tech layoffs, when Google can fire 12,000 workers after a $80b stock buyback that would have paid their wages for the next 27 years, tech workers are learning that the answer to "I won't do this and you can't make me" is "don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out" (AKA "sharpen your blades boys"):

https://techcrunch.com/2022/09/29/elon-musk-texts-discovery-twitter/

With competition, regulation, self-help and labor cleared away, tech firms – and firms that have wrapped their products around the pluripotently malleable core of digital tech, including automotive makers – are no longer constrained from enshittifying their products.

And that's why your car manufacturer has chosen to spy on you and sell your private information to data-brokers and anyone else who wants it. Not because you didn't pay for the product, so you're the product. It's because they can get away with it.

Cars are enshittified. The dozens of chips that auto makers have shoveled into their car design are only incidentally related to delivering a better product. The primary use for those chips is autoenshittification – access to legal strictures ("IP") that allows them to block modifications and repairs that would interfere with the unfettered abuse of their own customers:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/24/rent-to-pwn/#kitt-is-a-demon

The fact that it's a felony to reverse-engineer and modify a car's software opens the floodgates to all kinds of shitty scams. Remember when Bay Staters were voting on a ballot measure to impose right-to-repair obligations on automakers in Massachusetts? The only reason they needed to have the law intervene to make right-to-repair viable is that Big Car has figured out that if it encrypts its diagnostic messages, it can felonize third-party diagnosis of a car, because decrypting the messages violates the DMCA:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2013/11/drm-cars-will-drive-consumers-crazy

Big Car figured out that VIN locking – DRM for engine components and subassemblies – can felonize the production and the installation of third-party spare parts:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/05/08/about-those-kill-switched-ukrainian-tractors/

The fact that you can't legally modify your car means that automakers can go back to their pre-2008 ways, when they transformed themselves into unregulated banks that incidentally manufactured the cars they sold subprime loans for. Subprime auto loans – over $1t worth! – absolutely relies on the fact that borrowers' cars can be remotely controlled by lenders. Miss a payment and your car's stereo turns itself on and blares threatening messages at top volume, which you can't turn off. Break the lease agreement that says you won't drive your car over the county line and it will immobilize itself. Try to change any of this software and you'll commit a felony under Section 1201 of the DMCA:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/04/02/innovation-unlocks-markets/#digital-arm-breakers

Tesla, naturally, has the most advanced anti-features. Long before BMW tried to rent you your seat-heater and Mercedes tried to sell you a monthly subscription to your accelerator pedal, Teslas were demon-haunted nightmare cars. Miss a Tesla payment and the car will immobilize itself and lock you out until the repo man arrives, then it will blare its horn and back itself out of its parking spot. If you "buy" the right to fully charge your car's battery or use the features it came with, you don't own them – they're repossessed when your car changes hands, meaning you get less money on the used market because your car's next owner has to buy these features all over again:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/28/edison-not-tesla/#demon-haunted-world

And all this DRM allows your car maker to install spyware that you're not allowed to remove. They really tipped their hand on this when the R2R ballot measure was steaming towards an 80% victory, with wall-to-wall scare ads that revealed that your car collects so much information about you that allowing third parties to access it could lead to your murder (no, really!):

https://pluralistic.net/2020/09/03/rip-david-graeber/#rolling-surveillance-platforms

That's why your car spies on you. Because it can. Because the company that made it lacks constraint, be it market-based, legal, technological or its own workforce's ethics.

One common critique of my enshittification hypothesis is that this is "kind of sensible and normal" because "there’s something off in the consumer mindset that we’ve come to believe that the internet should provide us with amazing products, which bring us joy and happiness and we spend hours of the day on, and should ask nothing back in return":

https://freakonomics.com/podcast/how-to-have-great-conversations/

What this criticism misses is that this isn't the companies bargaining to shift some value from us to them. Enshittification happens when a company can seize all that value, without having to bargain, exploiting law and technology and market power over buyers and sellers to unilaterally alter the way the products and services we rely on work.

A company that doesn't have to fear competitors, regulators, jailbreaking or workers' refusal to enshittify its products doesn't have to bargain, it can take. It's the first lesson they teach you in the Darth Vader MBA: "I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further":

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/26/hit-with-a-brick/#graceful-failure

Your car spying on you isn't down to your belief that your carmaker "should provide you with amazing products, which brings your joy and happiness you spend hours of the day on, and should ask nothing back in return." It's not because you didn't pay for the product, so now you're the product. It's because they can get away with it.

The consequences of this spying go much further than mere insurance premium hikes, too. Car telemetry sits at the top of the funnel that the unbelievably sleazy data broker industry uses to collect and sell our data. These are the same companies that sell the fact that you visited an abortion clinic to marketers, bounty hunters, advertisers, or vengeful family members pretending to be one of those:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/05/07/safegraph-spies-and-lies/#theres-no-i-in-uterus

Decades of pro-monopoly policy led to widespread regulatory capture. Corporate cartels use the monopoly profits they extract from us to pay for regulatory inaction, allowing them to extract more profits.

But when it comes to privacy, that period of unchecked corporate power might be coming to an end. The lack of privacy regulation is at the root of so many problems that a pro-privacy movement has an unstoppable constituency working in its favor.

At EFF, we call this "privacy first." Whether you're worried about grifters targeting vulnerable people with conspiracy theories, or teens being targeted with media that harms their mental health, or Americans being spied on by foreign governments, or cops using commercial surveillance data to round up protesters, or your car selling your data to insurance companies, passing that long-overdue privacy legislation would turn off the taps for the data powering all these harms:

https://www.eff.org/wp/privacy-first-better-way-address-online-harms

Traditional economics fails because it thinks about markets without thinking about power. Monopolies lead to more than market power: they produce regulatory capture, power over workers, and state capture, which felonizes competition through IP law. The story that our problems stem from the fact that we just don't spend enough money, or buy the wrong products, only makes sense if you willfully ignore the power that corporations exert over our lives. It's nice to think that you can shop your way out of a monopoly, because that's a lot easier than voting your way out of a monopoly, but no matter how many times you vote with your wallet, the cartels that control the market will always win:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/03/05/the-map-is-not-the-territory/#apor-locksmith

Name your price for 18 of my DRM-free ebooks and support the Electronic Frontier Foundation with the Humble Cory Doctorow Bundle.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/03/12/market-failure/#car-wars

Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg

CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

[obsessedwrhys]

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ Wolverine x Deadpool x F!Reader

ᯓ★ Being in a polyamory relationship with these two. (A dream inspired this AHAHHA–) fluff, lots of bickering between the two, funny/goofy shit, bit of jealousy/possessiveness, reader is fem!!

This whole relationship is a mess.

I'm talking never getting a moment of peace kind of mess.

For example this one time you drove the Honda Civic.

Nobody understood why you were the one behind the wheels 'cause now you're ramming into everything with Logan grabbing on the handle for dear life while Wade is having the time of his life at the back.

"Stop the damn car before we crash, bub! Yer gonna kill someone!" Logan shouted and at the same time Wade was screaming out the lyrics to "Highway to Hell" by AC/DC.

Did I mention how different these two are with you?

Wade loves it when you run to hug him, he would swing you around a couple of times with your legs wrapped around his waist.

As for Logan, he prefers something less than that. A simple hug is enough and you can't complain much about it because the way he completely engulfs you in his embrace always made your chest flutter.

It's no surprise that they are protective over you.

Like when you were captured by some troops in the void. The fire guy, Johnny Storm, couldn't help but try to flirt with you. He figured why not shoot his shot right?

"Hey..." He'd say, flashing you a cheesy smile.

And seeing his attempt to charm you, you couldn't help but find it amusing and chuckle.

Clearly the two didn't like it.

Which is why that may or may not be the reason why Wade decided to out the man and get him killed 🤷‍♀️ I guess we'll never know 🤔

You and Wade enjoy pulling pranks on Logan.

The sight of him being pissed off pleases you both.

There was this one time you guys swapped his whiskey to a non-alcoholic drink and you can imagine his frustration.

"WADE!!" But he can never get mad at you. He just can't.

Even Wade complains about this privilege of yours.

"Seriously Lo?! You're gonna get mad at me and not our lovely prank partner here? Come on man, we're both guilty parties in this crime scene. If you wanna get angry, at least share the spotlight :("

Cue you sticking your tongue out at Wade as he pouts with puppy dog eyes.

All jokes aside, the two love and support you dearly.

I like to think Logan is more of an old romantic and Wade is the adventurous type.

That's why it can sometimes take a while for them to decide what to get as a present for you.

"Why the fuck would she want a pillowcase with our faces on it?" Logan asked with genuine disgust in his eyes.

"Why wouldn't she?! It's cute as fuck, and you can never have too many pictures of us together. Besides, it's a lot cheaper than buying a life-sized statue of me for her bedroom, although that's an option too, I hear Wolverine-shaped body pillows are all the rage these days" Without realising, he continued on muttering nonsense to himself which had Logan roll his eyes.

"I'm buying her the leather jacket and it's final" Not letting Wade say anything, he'd walk off to the cashier with him left behind. His action causing him to get irritated.

"What about the budget?!?!" He'd raise his voice but Logan simply ignored him. Fed up, he stomps on his feet as he points at his back.

"Fine, you big lug!! I'll let you have your way this time. But don't come crying to me when she dumps us for a pair of more decisive superheroes!!" He'd shout.

In the end you appreciated the gifts you got for your birthday. Each gift speaks for their character.

You guys definitely have lazy days.

Days where you'll lounge around in pajamas and watch cheesy romantic comedies together, complete with a pile of blankets and snacks.

Expect there to be lots of laughter, cringing, and the occasional eye rolling. Not to forget how you three would start making fun of the characters and the cliche plotlines.

Logan clearly struggles to sit through the entire movie marathon and you always have the to be the one to pull his arm to prevent him from leaving.

"Gimme a break, bub. It’s the same damn thing every time— the good guy wins, the bad guy loses. It’s like they think we got the emotional range of a rock"

"Gee, what a buzz kill. But are they wrong though? You practically live like a rock!!" Wade laughed with Logan letting out a scowl.

Thank goodness you're dating them or else they'd be fighting almost all the time.

In the relationship you're the peacemaker

No but seriously Wade calls you that and the nickname has stuck to you.

You enjoy sleeping in the middle with the two on either sides. Half of the time you always wake up with the two fighting over you.

Just imagine Logan pulling you closer to him but before he could even do that, Wade would be quick to pull you back to his embrace despite them both being asleep.

You like to think it's their reflexes. That even when sleeping they're still fighting with each other 😭

However you absolutely adore the two.

Logan will MELT when you kiss his knuckles. Especially when you do it with your eyes locked to his. He will literally go feral for you.

And Wade? He absolutely loveloveloves it when you baby him. It's his guilty pleasure. Hold him close with his face placed against your chest and he swears the voices in his head finally quiets down. That's why you're his angel.

Also, the two really enjoy showering you with kisses. You can barely ever hold back a smile with the two smooching every surface of your face.

Will do anything to get your praise.

The competitiveness is too much.

Oh Logan got you a bouquet? Well Wade got you a bouquet made of tacos. Who's the better one now huh? 😋

To be fair Wade is Wade. There's nothing you can do about it... but that doesn't mean Logan is ever gonna let him get his way.

"Where's Wade?" You'd ask, watching Logan sink on the sofa beside you.

"Don't know... could care less..." He'd say, wrapping an arm around you to snuggle with you. In the other room Wade has been stuffed inside the closet. Completely restrained and duck taped.

All I can say is that dating them is all fun and love. Literal baby girls.

[buriedintheguts]

A potentially controversial take, but I don't think the Honda Oddysey scene is necessarily meant to depict sex, but it is definitely meant to depict intimacy or, at least, vulnerability.

I know equating the motions of the fight to sexual encounter is fun (I do that, too), but I think in the process of it, the meaning of the scene and the fight itself is often overlooked. Regardless of whether or not those two got their dicks hard during the fight, I think what was most necessary for them was just finally finding someone who's their equal who can match them blow for blow — especially for Logan.

Someone pointed out that Wade's katanas are made of adamantium, the very steel that builds up Logan's bones and therefore, his claws & primary weapon. Healing regeneration and virtual immortality aside, they are also evenly matched when it comes to their offensive. They are quite literally matching up to each other. Finally, this is someone they can hurt and not only that, someone they can hurt with their own violence, and someone who will survive it.

There is vulnerability in the violence, intimacy in the enduring of it. It isn't everyday — or perhaps, it hasn't even happened at all — that the two of them encounter someone who can match up to them. All their violent and gorey instincts, poured out into one fight and channeled towards the one person in the (multiverse) universe who can take it.

So, yes, it's probably like sex to them. But not because of the motions of it, but because of what it means to them.

[tourturestarradio]

Helloooo!! I hope you’re doing alright :3

‼️‼️‼️SPOILER FOR DEADPOOL 3‼️‼️‼️

Can I request a crack fic? With either male or gender neutral reader, with Logan and Wade, in that car fight scene?

Like, the three of them are in that Honda Odyssey, and when Logan and Wade start fighting, reader just gets so fed up, they’re like: “oh my god can y’all just kiss already? This is painful to watch.” Bc that was me the entire time I was watching that movie😭🙏🏻 You can add anything else you want in there but I would love to see that! I absolutely love how you write so I don’t doubt you could make this just as well as your others!! ☺️💙

𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐘𝐎𝐔

"𝐖𝐞'𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐚 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫.𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐞𝐫."

☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆

Prompt: You're sick of Wade's and Logan's BS and for the first time you lose your temper on them.

Pairing: Deadpool/Wade Willson x G/n reader x Wolverine/Logan Howlet

Warnings: Cursing, Spoilers for Deadpool 3

☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆☆ ★ ✮

You ducked and dodged under both of the mens attacks they had been fighting each other for the past 30 minutes with no breaks. All because Logan couldn't keep the mouth shut. So now you sat bruises, bullet wounds, and cuts covering your body.

"Guys! G..Guys can we please stop fighting...please?" but they both ignored you again, usually you were the calm one to defuse their arguments and they'd relax, before they were back at it again.

You looked between the two your irritation growing stronger by the second.

"Uh...Wade?" he was stabbing into Logan "one moment cupcake." you dodged a stray knife headed your way "Logan?..." he broke Wades arm "not now."

You were willing to just let them fight it out that was the plan until Wade had redirected Logans blades into your leg.

That was your final straw, "Will you two just fuck already?!" you shouted looking at the two "what the fuck are you-" "Logan shut the hell up!" he closed his mouth Wade laughing at him "ha you're in trouble now-" "Wade so help me God I will shove that stupid kitana so far up your ass you're be tasting metal for a god damned month!"

They both hushed surprised by your outburst, your were usually so calm all the time.

"Every time you both are around each other it's like a enemies to lovers trope just waiting to happen! the sexual tension is palpable between you two!" You pulled Wolverines blades out of your leg "you two just can't go five fucking minutes without wanting to rip each other apart, for fucks sake!" you rolled your eyes "by some grace of God I've made it this far with you two assholes without having a brain aneurysm!"

You pulled a baby knife out of your torso pointing to Wade "I mean I get it you both have your differences, you're doing this because you got a girlfriend that barely loves you. Little to no friends who enjoy being around but you care about them and that's what's important right? Right.so you want to do everything in your will power to make sure those people don't die because without them you have nothing to distract from the impending doom you feel in your gut that you're not good enough. But god forbid you ever feel safe or scared so you cover up all your problems by making half funny jokes and witty comebacks. How's that am I in the right ball park?" You faced Logan as Wade pondered on your words.

He opened his mouth to speak but you hushed him quickly "And you, you try to be all big bad and tough but you're not you're a sad lonely man with no family or friends because in your universe they're dead and there's nothing you can do about it. But because you were left alive you carry the guilt of losing the people you cared for the most everyday wishing you could go back and fix things and make them right, but you can't they're gone for good but instead of making something out of your life and trying to start new you decided to go on a murderous rampage. So now you carry that guilt on top of everything else so you drown yourself in those chemicals in a bottle to forget or ignore your problems instead of growing a pair owning up to your mistakes!"

You got out of the car "so in conclusion you both have your reasons for being here, you want to get back the things you love most, but you two fuck faces are too idiotic to realize how much you have in common so you ignore the good character writing and argue and fight every other scene! I mean come on how much more gay could you two get!" You huffed finally letting that off your chest and turning to walk away "now i'm going to leave for an hour to blow off some steam and you both have two ultimatums you either A : take those sweaty suits off and have the best hate sex of your lives or B: shut the fuck up! Grow some balls! and get it the fuck together!" you stormed away both Logan and Wade too stunned to say anything.

.

.

.

"That was pretty hot, i've never seen them so angry."

Safe to say they made up for now and continued on with the rest of the movie.

☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆☆ ★ ✮

A/n: sorry this was so short!!!!! hope you enjoyed!

[mintchoco-cream]

♪ Unexpected Reunion ➴ Kim Chaewon x fem!reader

Warning ࣪ › Chaewon x fem!reader, hav4n!reader, wlw, foul words, mentions of depression

Prompt ࣪ › It's been 2 years since yn and Chaewon had "broken" up. 2 years since Chaewon flat walked out of yn's life. No explanation, no nothing. It led the girl to a deep spiral of self doubting and loathing.

Word count ࣪ › 2.49k

Yn has been waiting for her debut for 4 long years now. She struggled and worked hard to finally, finally have a chance at debuting, and it paid off! Her debut date was only 1 week away, and even though she and her bandmates had to prepare, their manager and staff decided that today would be a rest day. The calm before the storm.

Honda Hitomi, yn's bandmate, suggested meeting up with some of her old bandmates, the Iz*One members. Yabuki Nako, another one of yn's bandmates, smiled and loved the idea. Everyone else loved the idea just as much as the small girl did.

But blood drained from yn's face. She knew it was bound to happen— being bandmates with one of her past bandmates. Yn has heard of Iz*One's meetups before, so she expected it. But not this early!

She quickly thought of ways to avoid joining the meet up. An excuse or, or anything! Her thoughts were then interuppted by Hitomi.

"Hey, yn-unnie? Are you going?" The small blonde girl asked with a gentle smile, relieved that she had finally gotten her bandmates attention after multiple tries.

"U-uh.. I don't—" Yn rubbed her nape, unsure of what to say. But there was one thing she knew. There was no way in hell she was ever going.

"Pleaseeeee? Yn-unnie, come on, it's only for a while! Just to meet them! We might not get the chance to fully meet up again." Nako said with a pout, pulling on yn's hand. Everyone then started pulling out the classic "puppy dog eyes", trying to convince yn to come.

Yn looked away, but it was too tempting. As the oldest of the group, she knew she had to be there. Especially because she was their damned leader. She sighed, hesitantly accepting.

They all cheered, and started to prepare for the meetup.

All yn could do was sigh.

"Well, there's no getting out of this one now.." she quickly chuckled to herself, memories of their past, memories of her past with her, resurfacing after a year of healing.

The girl swore an hour ago that no way in hell was she ever going. And yet here she is, wearing her usual gray and white flannel, unbuttoned with a plain white tank top underneath. And cargo pants that fit the theme just right.

"Unnie, I know I told you to dress casual, but I didn't expect you to dress this casual!" Hitomi frowned, and Hayeon, yn's bandmate, laughed. "Atleast she wore a tank top and unbuttoned her flannel! I swear, this isn't the most casual yn-unnie can go." Everyone else in the group giggled in response.

"Here we are!" Yoona, the second youngest of the group, cheerfully said. "Atleast i think we are? This is the right adress, right?" Yoona looked at her unnie's and maknae dumbfoundedly. Nako laughed and nodded. The six girls then stepped out of the car, and started heading to the gate.

Jimin, the groups maknae, automatically clung onto yn, feeling a sense of safety whenever she was with the older girl. They all reach the door, and proceed to ring the doorbell.

A familiar face answers.

"OH MY GOD?! NAKO AND HITOMI UNNIE?! I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WEREN'T COMING I—" Everyone else in the house turned their heads. Especially the Iz*One members.

"Hiii, mind if we come in first and explain?" Hitomi hurriedly said, trying to de-escalate the situation before it started. The girl knew her ex-bandmates well, and if their bandmates were anything like them, then she knew that all hell would break loose if she didn't de-escalate it now.

Wonyoung, the girl who had answered the door, nodded, and let them in. Yn took a few seconds to scan her surroundings. The only people that seemed to be here was Eunbi, IVE, Yena, Yuri, Minju, Hyewon, and Chaeyeon. She sighed of relief. Thank god Le sserafim wasn't here.... yet. She'd be in deep shit if it was so.

Everyone else in the house had wide eyes, looking at the girls as if they were ghosts. Yn lined them all up, and they started their introduction.

They all bowed in unison, and started introducing themselves.

"Hi, I'm Choi Yn, the eldest and the leader of Hav4n." Yn smoothly finished her introduction, and looked at her bandmates, waiting for them to start.

"Hello, I'm Kang Hayeon, the second eldest of the group. I'm currently 24 years old." Hayeon, answered nonchalantly, giving off the cool vibes she usually does.

"Hi! I'm Kim Yoona, the second youngest! So cool that I finally get to meet you guys! Oh, and since unnie mentioned her age, i will to! I'm turning 20 this year!" Yoona, always the cheerful and loud kind of girl, excitedly introduced herself to everyone else.

"Hi.. I'm uh, Kim Jimin. It's really nice to meet you," Jimin says as she plays with her fingers. "I'm turning 18 this year."

The Iz*One girls paused for a little, and immediately started screaming.

"HITOMI HITOMI HITOMI!!! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE DEBUTING SOON?!" Chaeyeon loudly shouted, and everyone else just kind of joined in. After a few minutes of that shenanigans, everyone calmed down, and started to get to know eachother.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Yena went to go get it, and yn just sat there as she continued her chat with IVE's leader, An Yujin.

She looked around her surroundings a bit, thinking it looks a little familiar. A bit too familiar infact. She looks at a specific plushie, and stared at it. It just looked so familiar she couldn't brush it off. And that's when it hit her. That was the plushie she gifted Chaewon two years ago. If Chaewon's plushie was here then that meant,

"This is Chaewon's dorm. And the person at the door is probably them."

Five girls entered the already flooded house, and were shocked at the new people. Most were because they've never seen them before, but one was because she never thought she'd see her ever again.

Chaewon had finally arrived home. She knew Iz*One had wanted to host a party at their home for quite some time, and allowed it a few weeks prior. She had recently just finished practice and thought it would be good to unwind a bit. But she never expected her ex of all people to be here.

All of Hav4n got up and introduced themselves to Le serrafim, and shook their hands. Like at a fan greet. When it was finally time for yn and Chaewon to shake hands, Chaewon was hesitant, but yn showed no signs of sorrow, despair, or anything at all. It was as if nothing happened between them.

They shook hands, and everything else went as planned.

It was now 1 am. Almost everyone had gone home except Hav4n and Eunbi. The group and Eunbi decided to help tidy up and get everything in place.

After doing so, Hitomi realized Eunbi was way too intoxicated to go home alone, and offered if she wanted to go with them. But there was already no space for their drive home, and even though Hitomi had willingly said she wanted to stay and get home by herself, yn would never allow her bandmate to go home alone. Especially because she was already a well established idol. Who knows what could happen. Yn had chills just thinking about it.

So here she was, waiting outside of Le sserafim's dorm for her cab to arrive. She sat on their porch, and quietly prayed that Chaewon wouldn't stumbled her way outside and find her. But God other plans, apparently.

"...Yn? What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be uh... home?" Chaewon asked, eyes blinking slowly.

"Uh... hello?" Chaewon was starting to get annoyed at the younger girl, but she held it in.

Yn rolled her eyes, and looked away. Chaewon felt offended, but she knew yn had a right. She knew she fucked up 2 years ago. 2 years ago, when she chose Le sserafim over her own girlfriend. It was fucked up, but she basically had no other choice. She needed to make money, and it had to be then.

"L-look I'm sorry—" Yn's head snapped towards Chaewon, anger filling her head, and heart. Chaewon, frightened by yn's sudden hardened expression, froze.

"Sorry? Sorry?? You seriously think a simple sorry could fix your wrongdoings Kim? You think you can fix what you did, with just a sorry?" Yn grit her teeth. She was seething. Does Chaewon seriously think she can make up for her mistakes with a simple sorry? Does Chaewon think she can make up for the year yn spent hating herself? Hating herself for something that probably wasn't even her fault?

Yn then stood up, "You think," The girl harshly pointed her finger onto Chaewon's chest, and pressed on it hard. "That sorry could fix the way you damage me? The way you left me all alone, when I needed you most? My bestfriend had just died Chaewon, and you chose to... leave me? Are you fucking crazy?" Yn was now close to tears, her anger and sadness clouding her brain. She was no longer sober. She was drunk on anger and despair. A side she hasn't let out for a long, long time.

"I–i just—" Yn cut her off by grabbing her chin roughly. "You what? You're sorry? You're sorry you left me alone and defenseless? Well awh, how sweet." Yn's jaw tightened, her dominating and angry gaze falling on Chaewon's sad and dejected gaze.

Chaewon could only look at yn with shame. The girl had a point, why did she leave? Money was something she could easily solve with yn's help. The girl had been convincing herself that she did "what she had to do". That delusion lightened the guilt she felt, and went with it for the past two years. Yn's words were a reality check overdue.

Chaewon held onto yn's arm, the arm that was currently holding her jaw. She pleadingly looked at the younger girl, softening her eyes. Yn felt like succumbing, no, fuck that, she wanted to succumb. But washing away the months of anger and depression was no easy thing to do. So she just suspiciously looked at Chaewon, resisting the older womans charm. Although she did however, soften her grip, allowing the shorter woman to talk.

"I know you're mad, you have every right. I just– I promise I'll make up for it, I'll make up for the two years I was gone." Chaewon lightly cupped yn's left cheek with her right hand, and stroke her fingers on the younger girls soft cheek.

Yn could no longer hold it in. The waterworks started flowing, and yn felt like she was breaking all over again.

Yn walked into her and Chaewons dorm, dropping her bag onto the kitchen stool upon arrival. She called out Chaewon's name, expecting the older girl to be home.

"Strange, why isn't she home yet?" Yn thought to herself. Maybe she was just busier today.

Yn spent the next 1 hour waiting for Chaewon to arrive, and when she didn't, the girl started worriedly calling people, asking where she was or if they knew where she was last at.

And that was when yn suddenly got a text message from "my love<3". It read,

My love<3

Let's break up.

Yn was confused. What does she mean "break up"? All yn could say inside was, "What the fuck?". The girl tried calling, texting, and was soon blocked by the number. Yn was in tears by then. Her whole world had suddenly gotten darker and less colorful.

She would barely eat for days, only when necessary or to stop the stomach pain. She didn't take baths for multiple days on end, and almost dropped out of her agency. She would blame herself, or constantly ask herself if it was her fault. It was unbearable to see someone so drained, so... lifeless.

Yn let the tears out. She screamed, she tried to thrash around, causing Chaewon to hug her. She tried to get away from the older womans grip. She was however, too strong for someone her size, and only had a little problem with keeping yn in place. Yn let out the words she had been holding onto for the past 2 years, finally able to let it out.

"YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST SAY SORRY AND I'D LET IT GO?! YOU THINK– Y–YOU t–think.. you.." Yn tried to scream and shout, but her energy was insanely low. It was 1 am, and she was too exhausted. So instead, after her 3 minute tantrum, she just stood in Chaewon's arms, reminiscing the smell of the older womans peach scent. The peach scented perfume she always used to buy Chaewon.

"Shhh... I'm sorry. I promise I'll make it up to you, but we should get you tucked in, yeah?" Yn couldn't say or do anything else but nod. Chaewon gently smiled, and led yn to a house nearby. The second le sserafim dorm.

They both slowly entered the dorm, yn being supported by Chaewon. They soon reached Chaewon's bedroom, and the older woman slowly set the younger one down.

"Do you wanna take a shower or change? We could—" Chaewon was then cut of by yn.

"Why... why do you act like you care so much?" Yn looked up to face Chaewon, anger, doubt, sadness, and a hint of hope in her eyes. Chaewon's expression softened, and answered.

"Because I do care. Look, I know I was an asshole for just leaving you but, I'll explain the rest tomorrow." Chaewon sat down next to yn, and continued. "You can let your anger out tommorow, you can hit me, slap me, I don't care. Just.. relax for now, it's really late, okay?" Yn nodded, seemingly content with Chaewon's answer. They both faced eachother, faces unbelievably close.

Yn could feel Chaewon's hot breath, and almost held back. But it was just too tempting. Chaewon, her Chaewon. The Chaewon she's loved for multiple years, the Chaewon she's been hoping an apology from, the Chaewon right in front of her, with dishevelled hair, with pretty pink lipstick she wanted to ruin.

Yn knew she would regret this, but who cares? She leaned forward, hoping Chaewon would too. Chaewon got the signal, and immediately hopped in to take the opportunity.

After two long years, yn finally had another taste of Chaewon's lips. It had been far too long, yn thought to herself. They kissed for a few seconds, and pulled away for air. The connected their foreheads, and yn spoke.

"I'm going to regret this, aren't I?"

"That depends. Do you still love me or not?"

Yn did not know whether she loved Chaewon. But what she did know, was that she was starting to give Chaewon a chance. She only hopes the older woman wouldn't fuck it up again.

So after much hesitation, the girl finally answered.

"Maybe."

[batsplat]

Saturday afternoon I ran into Gibernau in the paddock. "I heard that tomorrow HRC are having a press conference," he said. "That's right, just after the race," I replied. "You'll say you're staying at Honda, won't you?" he asked. "No, actually. I'll announce I'm moving to Yamaha," I answered. I saw a flash in his eyes. First astonishment, then happiness. I could tell he had done some quick thinking and figured that it would only be good for him. He reckoned that I wouldn't do much on a Yamaha. I could read it on his face, just as I later could read it in the faces of so many other people who doubted me and my choice.

Valentino Rossi in his 2005 autobiography, What if I had never tried it

[virginsexgod69]

❝ Bribery ❞

18+

pairings Shane and Rick x f!Reader

summary Rick and Shane catch you stealing and you do what it takes to convince them not to arrest you.

cw smut, unprotected p in v, oral (male and female receiving), power imbalance, slight age gap, tit fucking, spanking, pussy slapping, spit, degrading names, public sex, car sex

2.8k words

"I didn't even take anything!" you pleaded with the mall security guard. 

"I saw you shoving shit in your pockets in the security cameras, lady," he deadpanned. 

Well shit. You were caught. 

"You don't know what you saw! It was probably someone else who looked liked me an-" 

"Save it for the cops," he interrupted. 

"You called the fucking police over some lipgloss?!” you snapped. 

"Is that a confession?" the overweight security guard speculated. 

"Oh fuck this!"  

  With the stolen lip gloss tube secured in your back pocket, you made a run for the exit. The slow clomps of the security guard’s feet attempting to chase you faded behind you as you ran. Once you were out of the mall, you scoured the parking lot for your car -a white, beat up 2006 Honda Civic. As you fiddled around in your purse for your keys, you heard the familiar sound of a police siren. 

“Godammit!” You cursed, running away from the siren while still feeling for your keys. 

  Bright headlights obscured your vision before you felt the slow moving cop car knock you down into the asphalt. The bright lights went away and you heard the doors open and close. Two familiar figures approached and stood in front of you, but made no move to help you. 

“You again,” said an irritated Officer Walsh. 

“Me? I didn’t do anything I was just leav-“ 

  Before you could finish your sentence, he roughly gripped your upper arm and yanked you up from the ground, pulled your hands behind your back and forcefully slammed you over the hood of the car. 

“Rick,” he said to the other officer. 

You felt his large hand smooth over the curve of your ass before slipping into your back pocket and pulling out the tube of stolen lip gloss. 

“Office Grimes, is that y-“ 

“Shut it,” he ordered. Yup, it was him. 

  One of them -you couldn’t tell who- pulled you into standing up straight. The two men who you’ve become quite familiar with over some tome stood tall over you, staring you down with skepticism and disappointment apparent on their faces. 

“Shoplifting, again?” Rick questioned. 

You looked at them with an overdramatic offended look on your face. “I bought that, fair and square!” You lied. 

“Show me your receipt then,” Shane challenged, making it clear as day he didn’t believe you were innocent. 

FUCK FUCK FUCK

 You panicked as you pretended to search all of your pockets for a receipt you knew you didn't have.

"I-uh...must've...um...dropped it when uh...you hit me with your fucking car!" you said, trying to shift the blame on them. 

They shared a look then looked at you with expressions that told you they're not buying a damn thing you said. 

"If you were anyone else, we'd let you go. But Y/N, you have a track record, so we're gonna hafta take ya into the station," Rick said, strong arms crossed over his chest with your lipgloss still in his hand. You looked at him with large, sad, pleading eyes, then at Shane with the same look. Neither of them budged so you dropped the act. 

"Fuckin' pigs!" you shouted at them before running off to go knows where. The two men chased after you on foot, barking orders at you as they did. They weren't far behind, but there was still a good amount of space between you. You gave up on looking for your keys and just continued to run. When you couldn't hear their footsteps anymore you stopped and leaned against some car. You were about to relax but the sound of sirens got your heart racing again. In their car, they chased you out onto some empty road before you finally couldn't run anymore and collapsed into the grass on the side of the road. The car halted to a stop a few feet away from you before the men got out and ran over to you. 

 This time it was Rick who yanked you up from the ground. You were too out of breath to argue, or say anything for that matter. 

"No innocent person would run away like that," Rick hissed in your ear. He forced your arms behind you back and cuffed you then dragged you over to the car where Shane waited. He walked over to you, looking down at you the entire way. His large, rough hand grabbed you jaw and forced you to look up at him. 

"You wanna explain yourself 'fore we throw your ass in jail," he said venomously. 

 The severity of the situation finally hit you as your teary eyes stared into his cold brown ones. You couldn't go to jail, especially over some cheap lipgloss. You tried to swallow the lump in your throat as your brain worked to find something to say. 

"C'mon, Shane. We used to go to the same church, y'know this isn't really who I am," you pleaded as you choked back sobs. 

You could've sworn you saw Shane's resolve soften, but before he could say anything, Rick cut in. 

"Cut the bullshit, Y/N. You have a record. This is who you are and this is the shit you do." 

 Rick's cruel words caused a pang in your chest. Hearing such things from a man who once trusted you enough to babysit his kid hurt. You really didn't think a few misdemeanors here and there would cause two people you once looked up to to think so lowly of you. You tore your jaw from Shane's grip and turned to face Rick. 

"Rick, I-"

"Officer Grimes," he corrected. 

Ouch. 

"I-I promise I'll stop breaking the law, honest! I'll even make it up to you guys, just please don't take me to jail!" you begged.

"How do you plan on making it up to us, Peach?" Shane asked using an old nickname you haven't heard since high school.  

You knew exactly how you were gonna make it up to them. 

 You slowly lowered yourself onto your knees, ignoring the way the ground dug into them. You looked up at Rick with innocent doe eyes. 

"Take off your pants," you rasped. 

  You honestly weren't even sure if they'd give into your advances, at the very least you expected some kind of pushback. But both men eagerly undid their belts and pulled out their hard cocks. You shuffled your way over to Rick, not caring how the rough road scratched your bare knees. You licked at the pre-cum leaking out of Rick's pretty, red tip before pressing a chaste kiss to it. You stuck your tongue all the way out, licking up and down his length like it was the coldest, tastiest popsicle on the hottest summer day. His breathing shallowed as he did his best to keep his composure.After having enough of teasing him with your tongue, you took his entire length into your mouth, feeling his tip hit the back of your throat as you did your best not to gag. Rick couldn't take it anymore and grunted in pleasure. You looked up at him through your long lashes. He looked like he was in heaven. His head was thrown back in pleasure, giving you the perfect view of his Adam's apple moving with every pleasurable moan that escaped him. You bobbed your head up and down on his dick, moving at your own pace until he couldn't take it anymore and grabbed a fistful of your hair and began fucking your throat. You felt him twitch in your mouth as you choked on his large size. You were making him feel good and that made you feel good. You could feel yourself soaking your panties and wished you weren't cuffed so you can stimulate your aching clit. 

"Oh god, Y/N. You're taking me so good...good girl," Rick praised between pants. His praise alone was enough to make your cunt throb. Rick's rhythm became sloppy as he felt himself about to cum. You started into his eyes, nonverbally begging him to cum down your throat and whether or not he understood your silent pleas, that's exactly what he did. You swallowed every drop of him as he pulled his softening cock out of your mouth. 

"Damn Peach, when'd you become such a slut," Shane taunted with a smirk on his face and his dick in his hand. He took in the sight of you, already drunk on cock, mascara tears running down your cheeks and a streak of drool leaking down your chin. He stepped closer to you as he brought himself to his climax. 

"Say 'ahh'," he ordered. You eagerly opened your mouth as he came all over your pretty face shamelessly. You blinked his cum out of your eyes as you swallowed what got into your mouth. 

"Damn, look at 'er. She takes one cock and she's already all fucked out," Shane teased. 

"Pretty lil thang still hasn't cum yet," Rick commented, noticing the way you were shifting around in an attempt to stimulate your needy clit. 

"You think the lil felon deserves to cum?" 

"Maybe we gotta fuck a lesson into her. Oughta teach her to quit stealin'." 

"Alright," Shane agreed, "But I get 'er pussy first." 

Rick reluctantly agreed. Shane pulled you up from the ground and quickly had you bent over the hood of the car like he did earlier. He took a minute to admire how good your ass looked in those tiny shorts before he practically ripped them off, taking your panties with them. He roughly smacked your ass a few times before spreading your cheeks open with his big, rough hands. He spat on your already dripping cunt before slapping it too. You whimpered in pleasure and tried to close your legs, but he kicked your ankles apart. He lined his dick up with your desperate hole that was already clenching over nothing. 

"Jus' fuck me already, Shane," you slurred. 

 Teasingly, he rubbed his length up and down your slit, coating his already leaking tip with a mix of your slick and his spit. You wantonly whined in an attempt to get him to hurry up and put it in you already. And he finally did. Slammed himself all the way in, earning a scream from you as his rock hard dick hit all the right spots inside of you. He stayed still for a minute causing you to squirm. He leaned over you and whispered in your ear. 

"Be patient, or 'm not gonna let you cum." You stopped squirming and he finally pulled out before ramming himself back inside of you. Your warm walls hugged his cock perfectly as he plowed in and out of your perfect pussy. The sounds your bodies made were so filthy and sinful it only made you clench around his cock even harder. More tears streamed down your face as he fucked you so good you could only babble nonsensically, begging him to make you cum. 

"Ah, Shane, 'm gonnaa," you stupidly babbled. 

"S'alright, Peach, I'ma get you there," he said as he thrusted into you sloppily, his own climax reaching him once again. You screamed in pleasure as you were overcome by your orgasm. As you came, you clenched down on the officer so hard he almost came inside of you, but he resisted until you were through riding out your orgasm. He quickly pulled out and released himself all over your lower back. 

"Rick I need ya, please Rick I wanna feel you inside a' me," you begged. 

 You looked so fucked out laying on that car hood that the men wondered if you even knew what you were saying. Rick walked over to you and unlocked the handcuffs, finally freeing you. Before you could react, he roughly flipped you over onto your back. 

"If you even think about makin' a run for it, I won't hesitate to throw your pretty lil' ass in jail." 

"Yes, Officer Grimes," you whined. Hearing you call him 'Officer Grimes' made his cock twitch. He animalistically tore your tank top off before giving your bra the same treatment, leaving you completely naked and vulnerable to the two fully clothed men. 

"You've got such pretty tits," he complimented as he rubbed his hands up your body. You let out little whimpers and moans, just waiting for him to fill you up and split you open on his cock. His large, warm hands finally found their way to your neglected tits. He grabbed a handful of each one, roughly kneading them. You squirmed and moaned just wishing you had something to rub your clit against. It was all too much. His thumb and forefinger pinched and twisted at your sensitive, hardening buds, earning the most pathetic, wanton moans he's ever heard. Unable to handle it anymore, you reached your now free hand down to your clit and began rubbing circles on it. Rick grabbed your wrist and slammed it against the car's hood. 

"The hell you think you're doin'?" 

"Rick, please!" you sobbed. You desperate pleas and endless begging finally got to him. He lifted your legs, putting them over his shoulders before lining himself up with your abused, aching pussy and slowly sinking in. Your eyes rolled back in your head at the heavenly sensation. 

"What a pretty slut, takin' me so well," he praised once he was all the way in. Your cunt just loved the way Rick filled you up so good. "Jus' look at the way I fill you up," he admired as he pressed on his dick outline through your stomach. Shane watched the glorious way your tits bounced with each of Rick's thrusts. You looked like such a whore, spread out and completely nude, eyes rolling in the back of your head, mouth open, tits bouncing. It made him hard again. Rick rubbed rhythmic circles on your throbbing clit, making you see white and arching your back as another orgasm washed over your body. Rick kept pounding into you as he chased his own orgasm. When it finally came, he filled you up as your pussy milked him dry. His eyes rolled back as he threw his head back in ecstasy. 

"Bring her over here," Shane demanded from the backseat. He sat in the back, facing the open door with his pants down as he stroked his hard-again cock. 

"I'ma fuck those pretty tits." 

  Rick smirked as he forced you back down onto your knees. You stumbled a bit and fell into Shane's arms. He looked down at you and smirked to himself, proud of the mess he made on your face. One of his large hands kneaded one of your tits, whole he continued to stroke himself with the other. He spat on his hand, lubing up his cock before squishing your tits together with both hands. He groaned in pleasure as he stuck himself between your warm, soft mounds. The unexpected penetration of Rick’s tongue in your pussy had you moaning in unison with Shane. He was practically making out with your lower lips while Shane fucked your tits. The feeling of his warm mouth sucking on your overstimulated clit made your mind go blank as you screamed his name. His tongue redirected itself to your needy hole, tasting every bit of you and reaching places your fingers couldn’t. As the pleasure became too much, you gripped Shane’s muscular thighs, digging your nails into his flesh. His head was thrown back in pleasure as he tightened his grip on your tits. 

“You’re doin’ so good, Peach,” he praised. All you could do was moan in response. The friction of Shane’s veiny dick sliding between your tits combined with Rick’s skilled mouth eating you out put you in a state of euphoria. You screamed the mens’ names as you came for the third time today. Shortly after, Shane came all over your chest. Once you came down from your orgasm, you slumped over onto Shane due to your exhaustion. Rick got out from under you and picked your scattered clothes from off the ground, keeping your panties for himself. Shane helped you into the car and Rick tossed you your clothes. 

…

“We’ll let you off with a warnin’. But this is the last time, Y/N,” Rick said, sternly. 

“Yes, Officer Grimes,” you sleepily mumbled as you dressed yourself in the backseat. 

“We’re serious,” Shane affirmed as he drove. 

“I know, Officer Walsh.” 

 You slept the rest of the car ride, worn out from all the fucking you endured. Once they pulled into your driveway, you woke up and exited the car. 

“Don’t let us catch you stealin’ shit again,” Rick shouted from his rolled down window as you walked to your house. 

“Okay. Can I keep the lip gloss though?” 

masterlist

tbh, i don't even like shane, but this idea came to me in the shower a few days ago and i couldn't resist =p

[cornyonmains]

Deadpool & Wolverine is proof that box office culture isn't dead, but rather audiences are just tired of bland family friendly content written by the next Ivy League grad they pull out of the pipeline. Adults want to go see movies that tackle themes that resonate with them like being stuck in a rut and looking for purpose. They want to see two grown men in spandex fight in the least heterosexual way imaginable in a Honda Odyssey.

I'm pushing middle age, Tom Holland is a charming little shit, but there's only so many PG-13 life lessons I learned 25 years ago I got the constitution to watch a kid relearn for the 700th time. I want to see something besides the Honda Odyssey fuck hard. I want movies that make a billion dollars because they're GOOD, not because they're following some focus tested program polluted by puriteens who are shit-scared of dick. They don't have the money. The adults do.

Deadpool & Wolverine, surprisingly, spoke to my lived experiences more than any Marvel movie ever has. Feeling adrift, looking for purpose, feeling pushed aside as the world moves on. Yeah, those themes aren't going to speak to a kid with no life experience, not in any meaningful, but they damn sure hit me hard as I creep closer to 40. That's the kind of movie I'll come out for. But with as expensive as movies have gotten, I've got a big screen. I'm not spending over $100 on three movie tickets, popcorn, and soda to take my nieces to a movie. I'll spend $20, get us all a pizza, and put that shit on the big screen. I hope Disney is starting to recognize this as they buy up every studio under the sun. Deadpool and Wolverine gives me hope, but I'm cautious. Disney has always been horny for conservative audiences. They don't have to work as hard to please an audience with no media analysis skills.

[noa-nightingale]

Spoilers for Deadpool and Wolverine ahead. (Possibly. It's probably just a bunch of rambling.)

My first question is, how in the world do straight people experience this movie. I am not saying anything new when I say that the man ain't straight but I think you can't dismiss... all of this as "haha gay joke funny" anymore.

Like, for example, when the TVA agents show up at his door for the first time - I think the pegging joke was in one of the trailers and I expected it to stay at that but it doesn't. He gives them this entire speech, ifykyk, and the thing is, I don't think he is joking. I think he is being serious. ("I am not a natural bottom", he says. Are you sure about that? Because I saw you flat on your back in that Honda with Wolverine on top of you, and you enjoyed it.)

I don't even have to go into the entire car fight scene. There is already a ton of fan art about it, God bless all you beautiful artists, I am going to reblog a bunch of it once I am done with this post.

He also said that Paradox should contact his boss and tell "him or her or them" etc. And I don't think it was played as a joke.

Aaand he refers to 'the gays' (honorific) later in the movie and it's like. Wade. Wade. Wade, you are the gays, umbrella term.

GOD this movie. Also, the soundtrack is just banger after banger. I am so glad I saw this. Last time I saw a movie at the cinema it was in early 2020 and I am SO GLAD I went there again. It did not feel like 2+ hours. It was so fun and fast and emotional, and I loved it.

[kujakumai]

On the subject of being good with children, which characters do you think WOULD be good babysitters?

YUGIOH CHARACTERS AS BABYSITTERS, RANKED

TOP PICKS:

Seto Kaiba runs an entire company dedicated exclusively to safely entertaining children, and unless his parks are getting continually sued I believe he knows how. Your kindergartner is not only safe with him but will probably leave knowing how to play chess and write in C++. He may allow them to play with knives, but only if they're 9 or over, plus he has all the emergency numbers on speed-dial.

Hiroto Honda babysits his niblings on the regular. Can warm a bottle and change a diaper. A level-headed and practical guy. He’ll be fine as long as his friends don't drag him into a horrible game-themed deathtrap. Don't ask why that caveat exists.

Rishid Ishtar is safe, experienced, has dad energy, however he will crumple like wet paper at the first sign of conflict re: ice cream for dinner / no bedtime / blood-soaked cross-country quest for revenge / an extra episode of cartoons over the screentime limit.

Ishizu Ishtar would make a great babysitter. I don't really have a quirky joke here she just would.

"MAYBE"S

Jonouchi used to watch his little sister and I think he'll do about as well as any other teenager you're paying minimum wage, and with a lot of earnest enthusiasm. Your child will be fine at the end of the night, though they will probably have eaten some junk food and played a T rated videogame.

I do not think Atem would know what to do with a baby, and may panic about it, though if you have an older child he will be happy to offer a rousing speech and some deep-voiced mentorlike advice while teaching them to play board games. Not a bad choice, just try not to leave him with anyone under seven.

Yugi knows zilch about kids and often appears a little annoyed by them. Same general rules as Atem--do not leave him with a baby, but he'll probably just teach an older kid to play shogi or something.

Mai Kujaku will put the kid in front of the television and order pizza while she paints her nails. Honestly, though, what more are you paying her for?

Listen, I love Anzu. I do. She’s smart, driven, and big-hearted, but she is also sort of short-tempered and impatient, and patience is like 90% of child-rearing. Please do not ask Anzu Mazaki to watch your children. She WILL say yes because she needs the money, and she WILL go into it with optimism and gumption, and yes, both she and your child will both be in one piece at the end of the night, but it will be clear from both of their frazzled expressions that she lost most of her sanity an hour in after the fifth "Why?"

DEFINITELY NOT

Ryou Bakura would in theory be a perfectly good, if kind of spacey, babysitter, but you cannot trust him to remain Ryou Bakura, and the other guy is definitely not someone you want anywhere near your children.

I don't think Marik Ishtar has ever interacted with a child for very long and the number of people he talks to that are even his own age is in the single digits. And he is definitely not getting spat on or dealing with any bathroom stuff. I'm not saying he can't figure it out but the learning curve is going to be steep.

I have to put Yami Bakura here in principle and yet for some reason I think it wouldn't go that bad? I mean he definitely doesn't care about the safety of your child. And he may enlist them to the armies of darkness. And he's not cleaning anything up. But he's like, a weird socially awkward over-the-top guy? And children love those? Honestly I think they would both have fun. For at least an hour until everything goes horribly wrong.

Please do not summon Zork Necrophades to babysit your child.