#I just want toshiro and Momo to be together too

[its-ashehausen]

ships thing for Bleach (which I know nothing about, but let's go!)

Otp: Ulquihime (although the storyline is a bit controversial for reasons) but they have a lot chemistry in my opinion, and just fit together in their own way. Plus the fanart and fanfics are incredible

Favorite Canon Pairing: Ginran (I don't know if I can really consider it canon since it wasn't specified if they were a couple or not) however I believe that they were some point in their lives. Basically Gin and Rangiku were friends when they were children, and he witnessed her get injured by the main villain of the series Aizen, he then makes a plan to join him and ultimately kill him when he seeks the moment of opportunity, so that Rangiku wouldn't have to cry anymore. In my opinion him and her, had one of the best relationships in bleach

Worst Pairing: Aizen & Momo (they don't have a ship name that I know of, and I plan to keep it that way since their relationship was very peculiar) Their relationship was a respectful one in the beginning, like a captain and a subordinate type relationship. However, Momo seemed to have stronger feelings past that point and Aizen used them against her many times, Momo would always find a way to defend his actions which would turn her against her friend Toshiro, she always saw good in Aizen but he never cared about her, she was just a tool to be manipulated so that he could further his plans. #MomoDeservedBetter

Guilty Pleasure Ship: Ishihime, they're basically friends to lovers but without getting together, they've been friends ever since High School and it's been obvious from the 2nd Arc that he kind of has a crush on her and I just think their friendship is so wholesome, I would've preferred them to be endgame.

The Pairing Everyone Likes but you're like: "lol no" that spot goes to Ichihime, yes they're cute, they have the whole friends to lovers, soulmates thing, but I honestly found them boring together and their relationship has always been one sided until like the last arc. She has been in love with him for so long and he always seemed to view her as one of his good friends. Plus every other ship I've seen them with, they just had better romantic chemistry with those people. I have no hate for the ship and people who ship it but I just never cared for it

Favorite Non-Canon Pairing; Ichiruki for obvious reasons (if you ever get the chance the watch it.) Their platonic relationship is honestly my favourite thing about this anime, and is one of the reasons I got into Bleach in the first place. (Although I do ship them too, I'm fine with them not ending up together)

A Pairing I wanted to see more of: Hitsukarin so their friendship was kind of short-lived plus all their interactions were never Canon. Which makes me sad, even though I shipped it, I was fine with them just being friends. Much like Ichiruki, I just wish their interactions were canon and we could've seen more of them.

[brittscafe]

can i request angsty jealousy headcanons for toshiro ( ´∀｀) tysm!! (maybe reader is jealous of him and hinamori? but a happy ending please )

Of course!! <3 <3

You hated the way they were so close together.

You knew Momo cared deeply for Toshiro and he cared deeply for her, but there was nothing going on.

You wanted to be the one running to Toshiro when he was injured instead it was her.

Sometimes, your jealousy even consumed your entire being and it made you disgusted.

Toshiro would sometime notice when it would get on your nerves and would usually just shrug it off.

Until one day, you just blew up.

Toshiro was seriously injured on the battlefield and you were rushing over to him.

When you got there, you saw Momo by his side already.

The thing that angered you the most was Momo holding his hand and comforting him.

Your emotions rage and swing like a ship in a rough current.

You clench your fists as the healers surround Toshiro.

You couldn't control yourself or your feelings, so you had to walk away.

Toshiro's eyes search all around for you and his heart practically breaks in two when he notices you walking away.

You gain control of yourself and your emotions as you walk inside the infirmary.

You were glad when you saw Toshiro asleep in the hospital bed and he was finally alone, no Momo by his side.

Toshiro could feel the bed shift as you sat down beside him and his eyes flutter open.

"Hi," you greet him with a shy smile.

"Where'd you go?" Toshiro asks, a frown on his face.

Your eyes widen when you see that hurt Toshiro and you lower your head with shame.

"I want to be the one by your side. I'm sorry for the way I reacted earlier," you speak clearly and Toshiro's eyes widen.

"I see," he nods his head as you lay down beside him.

Toshiro wraps an arm around your waist and gazes into your eyes.

"You shouldn't be jealous of Momo, you know. She's not the one I'm in love with," Toshiro admits, the tips of his ears burning bright red.

Your mouth gapes open and a smile tugs on your face.

"Just so you know...I'm in love with you, too," you sigh out, scooting closer so that you're body is pressed against his.

You grab onto his free hand and interlace your fingers. You inch closer and place a soft kiss on his cheek.

"You're such a pain," Toshiro complains as he pulls you closer to him.

[alexiethymia]

On Blooming Under a Cold Moon

I love the title, especially because aside from the reference to the fireworks, it references the main players in this side-story and calls forward to Soul Society where again it’s the same people who are entangled in this complicate web. Cold Moon sometimes gets translated to Wintry Moon and this is the volume where Hitsugaya first unleashes his bankai (which is some translations, include ‘cold moon’ as part of the title), but again there’s also how blooming evokes the image of flowers (Momo, Rangiku), and even how fireworks or hanabi in japanese literally refers to ‘fire flowers’ (as one post puts it). I do like the imagery of Rangiku and Momo in relation to Toshiro (blooming under his protection for example) because of this, BUT this title can also reference Aizen since Kyouka Suigetsu literally means “Mirror Flower, Water Moon”, and I don’t know if the nuance is the same, in that Aizen could also definitely be considered a cold moon, cold-blooded in this case instead of references to temperature.

This is one of those Momo>Hitsugaya things I love, in that Momo has probably consistently celebrated Hitsugaya’s birthday. That’s maybe over twenty years of birthday celebrations, not even counting when they were in Rukongai. Knowing that, there’s absolutely no way Hitsugaya doesn’t celebrate her birthday as well.

With the conversation with Rangiku, there are two interpretations for me. One, if even Rangiku didn’t know that it was Hitsugaya’s birthday on that day, then it’s possible that he never told anyone in the 10th about his birthday which is keeping in with his character, and his initial views about birthdays and celebrations (not wanting to make it a big deal etc., keeping things to himself). This makes sense considering what we do know of Toshiro but it does make me a bit sad if it means that he never got to celebrate with Isshin and Rangiku and the rest of the Squad before the former disappeared. The second interpretation is that Rangiku does know when his birthday is but just forgot it was that day already. (I lean more toward the second one.)

On the subject of birthdays, it makes me sad in relation to Rangiku and Gin, because it was Gin who asked when her birthday was! As if he wanted to celebrate it with her. In the same way Rangiku said her life had no meaning till she met Gin, Gin probably had no one to ask or no one he cared enough about to ask about their birthday until he met Rangiku. Which is a sucker-punch because Momo says they celebrated Rangiku’s birthday together which maybe implies that she celebrated it with the SWA or Momo and Toshiro, but not with Gin. And since her memory reverts back to when they were kids, it’s probably been a while since Rangiku and Gin spent their birthdays together.

And again I hate Aizen, and I hate that panel of him with Toshiro and Rangiku because it’s his words that reassure to them and reaffirm to them the importance of defining your own happiness (‘It doesn’t matter even if it isn’t the truth’ - the best lies have semblances of truth after all) which means this memory in relation to their birthdays will always have that taint. Remember, when I said he gaslit the academy trio (and Gin and Tousen), well he gaslit Toshiro and Rangiku too. (Seriously, f Aizen).

I love Toshiro’s monologue because it’s very him, the cynical and idealistic part of him both. He acknowledges that separations and endings are inevitable, but he still expresses the hope that we’ll continue to shine until that inevitable end.

The fact that this story is the opener for Volume 20, and paired with that poem is also great because it’s ambiguous enough that you can’t tell from which pov each statement is.

“Those who do not know what love is, liken it to beauty,” could definitely apply to Momo, but perhaps also Toshiro because of their youth and idealism. But the line, “Those who claim to know what love is, liken it to ugliness”, while I think is directly in reference to Aizen considering the events of this volume, I believe it actually pertains to Gin, and also Rangiku to an extent. See, this is why despite the gap between Soul Society and Deicide, no one was really surprised when Gin ‘betrayed’ Aizen for Rangiku. Kubo always likes to focus on the banter and the friendships and comedic moments, but when it comes to any deep and usually romantic connection he usually offscreens it, only planting subtle references. He’s said before that he doesn’t focus on romance, but perhaps also because too much focus lessens the gravity of these relationships. In a way, it’s also more intimate, because the deeper nuances and history is usually kept in view away from the readers such that it’s only for both parties of the relationship (besides hitsuhina, ginran, there’s also kaien and miyako).

[rays-of-fire-and-ice]

One thing that always hit me in Bleach fandom is that some people see Hitsugaya as a literal child in the main history, even tho we get glimpses of his childhood - and a lot of Hinamori haters use that as an argument of why hitsuhina would never happen. I particularly see him as a young teenager with an obvious problem of aging (😂) and I’m glad to see blogs just like yours that perceive his youth, but doesn't put him as a kid and also explore his feelings towards things and people who are dear to him in a way really loyal to the character (because putting him acting as an adult also give me awkward vibes, you know). Just a thing I was minding, you can take it as a compliment, I guess.

Sorry for the late reply anon!

I want to start off this response by saying for anyone who does see Toshiro as being a child, more power to them if it helps appreciate his character more.

I have to admit one of the main reason I saw him as a teenager in the beginning is because I was a teen myself when I started reading BLEACH and assumed any character who didn't obviously look like an adult/child/elder or had an ambiguous age was probably a teenager. That's probably a weird reason, but that's how my brain worked while reading BLEACH at that age ^^;

There were other factors too, like his reactions to others referring to him as a child, the flashbacks to his childhood, and that he was able to pass as a student at a high school.

His reactions in particular are what convinced me he's not a child, they struck me as not just someone who was demanding respect for his high ranking position but also as someone who's sick of people thinking he's a child because of his appearance. I've always seen it as because of his short stature and maybe a baby face, everyone mistakes him for being a child when he's actually a teenager.

As for the flashbacks, when I compare his appearance from back then to the one in the main story, to me there's a noticeable different. As a child, his eyes and face are rounded and he's obviously shorter. In the main storyline, his eyes shape changed (perhaps to reflect the change he underwent as a Shinigami), making them look more narrow and sharper, his face is slightly sharper, and he's taller (not by much but).

Then there's the recent revelation from Kubo that Toshiro is actually older than Momo. I've seen most people take this to mean he's literally older than her, which would strongly suggest he isn't a child, because then how old would that make Momo (who is definitely not a child)? If this interpretation is the correct one, then I'm okay with that. However, as I've mentioned before, I've actually taken this to mean he's been in the Soul Society longer than she has (if you're interested, you can read more on it here).

In the end, as stated many times on here, aging in BLEACH is weird. How come Unohana isn't as old looking as Yamamoto if they existed together long before the Soul Society was established? What the heck is going on with Kyouraku and Nanao's families? The list goes on.

Also, thank you for your kind words too, I'm glad that's how my writing comes across for him :D I find it interesting to explore how someone like Toshiro reacts to things, whether they're mundane or life and death situations. While not a child, he's still a minor who has put himself in a world of huge responsibility, and death and violence. How does someone that young, despite being a prodigy and having a mental maturity that's suitable for the role, think and feel about what he does? How does he view those around him? How does it affect his relationships? What kinds of memories does he keep from his past and how are they different someone else his age? It's all interesting to me.

Anyhow, I'll leave it here. Thanks for sending this in! :D

[darkroguescribe]

Hitsuhina Week 2023 - Day 4: Back to Back/ I’m Sorry

Rating: K

Summary: Momo and Toshiro have an argument weeks before their wedding.

AN: A bit shorter than I usually like but still a good one.

--------------------------

The grass blew lightly in the peaceful summer breeze as birds flew in formation above. The light of the sun reflected in the clear and calm waters of the canal that cut through Karakura Town. Momo sighed, blowing wisps of her hair that had come loose from the chignon she had hastily downed her hair into earlier. This wasn’t where she wanted to be. But she’d had to get away from… everything. Momo held her hand out and stared at the diamond ring on her left hand. Everything had started out so perfect this morning. She had woken up in the tight embrace of her fiancé, their legs tangled together with the sheets. They’d had a nice breakfast and discussed the ongoing plans for the wedding.

She’d chatted on and on about about the catering, the cake, and gushed at the custom embroidered napkins Rangiku had ordered for the occasion. Toshiro really didn’t care about that kind of stuff, but he’d smiled and listened anyway, contributing his own opinions, and remarking on how diligent Rangiku has been since she’d appointed herself as their wedding planner. But then he had to bring up the paperwork involved with marriage. Boring legal documents, and certificates that they needed to fill out either before or after the ceremony to make everything official. The problem was that it inevitably brought up the topic of names which had been something they hadn’t really discussed at length.

She had come to the decision on her own about a month ago after spending weeks debating the whole thing with herself. She wasn’t going to take his name when they married. Momo liked her name. Momo Hinamori is who she had always been. And as much as she loved Toshiro’s name, Momo Hitsugaya just wasn’t the name she wanted everyone referring to her as. She loves Toshiro. She wants to be his wife, have a family with him someday. She wants to be by his side everyday for the rest of their lives. But she just wants to do it carrying her own name. What about that was so hard for him to understand?

Young as he is, there are some things that makes him seem like such… an old man. Insisting that husband and wife need to carry the same surname. He even went so far as the suggest he take her name. Toshiro Hinamori. That just sounded stupid. His name was perfect for him. And maybe for their children someday. But not for her.

The argument had been loud, voices raised and reiatsu flaring from both of them as neither of them were willing to concede the point. With nothing left to say, they had gone their separate ways still fuming after the exchange. Momo had tried to find a secluded place to calm down without being reminded of him. But that is hard to do when there are so few places that don’t hold some memory of the two of them together. He’d proposed to her in their old childhood home. The hills on the Academy grounds had been where they’d go to relax after a long day of classes. They liked the same tea shops, and restaurants where they’d go on dates too. And both of their respective barracks were filled with fond memories of lunch breaks and lazy afternoons spent together. Momo glanced up at the sky, groaning as she noticed the blue sky giving way to a light pink color as the sun was beginning its slow decent. Hell, even the sunsets reminded her of him.

Falling onto her back, she covered her face with her arms. Horrible as it sounds, she wished a hoard of hollows was roaming around the city right now. It would give her something to distract from her miserable mood. But, no. Karakura had to be uncharacteristically quiet when she arrived today. She’d spent hours wandering the streets looking for anything to do. But the only thing she’d found were a few wholes that she’d performed konsos on. The rest of the day, she’d just walked around. She avoided her Captain’s visord friends, not wanting her location relayed back to the Sereitei in case her angry fiancé came looking for her. She didn’t want to argue with him again.

Momo let her arms fall away when the heat of the sun faded. Holding her hand up, she watched the fading light play on the edges of the diamond with slivers of red and orange reflecting for a few minutes before finally surrendering to the dark. She frowned and sat up, hugging her knees to her chest. They were getting married in a few weeks and right now, when they should be happy, they were anything but. She couldn’t help but wonder if this was the deal breaker for them. She knew that she couldn’t budge on this. It was her name. It wasn’t something as trivial as deciding which side of the closet was hers, or opening a joint bank account. Momo would be the first to admit that their relationship had been anything but smooth sailing. They’d had their fair share of challenges and concessions over the years. None of them felt this irresolvable.

The hairs on the back of her arms rose as she felt his presence approaching behind her. Her back stiffened as she kept her eyes locked on the water in front of her even as his shadow loomed over her. He made no move to sit down beside her or get any closer, as he kept his distance.

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” He said. “Didn’t think you’d actually come to the World of the Living to get away from me.”

“You’re not easy to get away from,” She sighed. “Suppose that’s what I get for falling in love with my best friend.”

“…Yeah…”

She sat up a little taller, squaring her shoulders. “I’m not changing my mind on this, Toshiro,” She said, glancing at him from the corner of her eye.

He was dressed in dark jeans and a black button up with the sleeves rolled to his elbows. His hands were tucked in his pockets. “I know you aren’t,” He said. “I… is it so wrong that I want everyone to know you’re mine? For you to carry my name and make it clear that you’re happily married?”

“I’m wearing your ring. Isn’t that enough?”

“…”

“If you want me to shout from the top of Sokyoku Hill that I’m with you, that you are the only man I will ever love, then I’ll do it. But I’m not changing my name. And I won’t let you take mine either.”

He was quiet for a long moment, gathering his thoughts carefully before he spoke again. Toshiro sighed, his shoulder slumped. “Is it really that important to you?” He asked.

Momo nodded in reply.

Lifting his head to the sky, his brow was in a tight knit as he thought for several more minutes. The sound of the flowing water in the canal and the chirps of crickets the only sound between them. “Alright,” He said quietly when he was ready. “I… I can’t say I fully understand it. Or even agree, but… I can live with it.” He swallowed a lump in his throat and his shoulders tensed a bit. “I… I’m sorry, Momo.”

She held out her hand toward him and he immediately took it, letting her tug him to sit down beside her. He brought her hand to his lips, kissing the ring on her finger as she scooted closer to him, pressing her body into his side. “You know I love you, right?”

“As I love you.”

Momo smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder as their fingers intertwined and they relaxed against one another. A cool night breeze ruffled the tall grass around them as they just sat there, content in the peace they had brokered. Momo knew there was a deeper reasoning behind the whole name thing for Toshiro. But she wasn’t going to press him on it for now. Instead, she looked up at the stars with him, taking comfort in the sounds of the waters in the canal and the crickets serenading the night.

[neko-bri]

Hii!! Just want to say that I love your blog and that you are a sweetie! If I can ask, I would like to see your personal headcanons about hitsuhina or Hitsugaya (or both of them XD) , as I'm a huge fan from their bound Xxx

Hii!!!! OMG just fkfhfkfkfkw this ask message made me smile! Thank you so much for sending this!!! I just...am crying so bad! I thank you anon-san!!! I love your blog too!! I am sure of it since you love hitsuhina too!!! < 333 they are one of my favorite ships ever!! * 3 * I want to write more drabbles of these two precious babies of ours! < 333 I am sorry if this was late!! ; a ; you are so precious!! We all can be friends with our love for hitsuhina!! < 333 I did find my old headcanons too from my old momo rp tumblr as well! * 3 * I may have made this too long with some headcanons. sorry sorry!!

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Momo headcanon -- [ Growth ] For Momo as a headcanon I did have a few but one of them was I thought about how Momo looked at herself after Aizen's betrayal and her admiration for him was shattered. I thought that she wanted to become stronger with experience of that pain over what happened. To grow into someone who is mature and want to gain more experience but to also keep moving forward with time to gain new experiences. She is thankful for being able to look at herself with happiness and even the sadness, she could learn and cope with her feelings to learn to grow up. Her feelings for Aizen slowly diminish and her heart is set on new goals for growing stronger. As she met her new captain she wanted to share that strength to learn to be stronger so she can find the strength to never feel that again. Her Captain Hirako shares the pain of being betrayed and used like a pawn. Knowing Momo's pain and Toshiro knowing that Momo went through all that. His strength to protect Momo is what he strives for. I just thought Momo want to keep going and look back as a strength to see how far she has come. She is healing with time slowly but, will also open the door for her heart to trust again with all the bad experiences she faced and pain. She is such a strong woman to heal and also learn to walk forward.

____________________________ [Momo's headcanon] Hair cut || Headcanon

A new start. New life was beginning the day of all the heartache. The long hair had symbolized the time with a distant past. So long forgotten. Back then it also meant forgetting the love that was forged from becomming a fukutaichou  within fifth division along with a dearest love that has for long betrayed deep within this very soul. Symbolize of change the brunette had thought about how hair change and the appearance over starting over. A new light had shown on her with the hair clip given from a very special friend dear to her own heart. Not mentioning the name—-she had thought of moving past all the pain and everything that caused the cheerful shinigami to frown. Fresh start on how childish, naive, and foolish the very girl thought change was in order.

A new light has shine upon me… That is why I wish to change, to become a better person. This is my time to shine. _______________________________________________ [Momo Headcanon ] Trust

—-ღ Trust has many ways of words through your mouth. It can be a trust that no longer alive. Or this trust has been broken by a deep wound to the heart. That trust…had always effected the brunette when a sword by her admirater had broke her in half. That pain lived through her each day. Still remembering the way he use to smile at her, teach her things, show her how to become stronger. Those days—-were now gone with that trust completely destroyed. After her coma; the trust that normally would be able to surround the ones easily. Had been slightly putting Momo in fear. Fear to approach others or even to love. If she ever found it again; it take her time to slowly sooth the wound that was gravely wounded by the one who she once trusted… Hinamori had troubles giving that trust to the ones who use to be near her. Or new ones. Once she opened her heart; fear began to consume her between being used again like a tool. That is what eats her alive each day until finally breaking into million pieces.

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Hitsuhina [Bonds] [Headcanon]

—-ღ Bonds… This word meant a lot to the brunette who created many bonds with her friends. One of them was a child along side her which she never forget. That person had kept at her side since day one. Hinamori still remains beside him even after everything. Blaming herself for what little thing wasn’t her fault. Her childhood friend, Shiro-chan still forgives her and continue to do so. How Hinamori could not understand his reasoning in forgiveness. It was something she always want to keep their bonds strong. Holding hand in, hand they will fight against anything that would try to break them apart. Never again would she wish to point her blade at someone who never gave up on her. He was the most important person to her. Still remaining as her precious friend that never will die out. For his forgiveness that made her smile to herself in the mirror. It was something she will never mistaken from his words. His words that helped her through so much. She will keep a good grip on his hand and forever keeping the bond that the two have created.

Never again will let it break apart…

[troius]

What are your favourites relationships in bleach? It’s not necessarily “what do you ship” but of course I would be glad to hear if you have any ships in bleach

I’m definitely interested in which dynamics do you find the most interesting and worth reading into?

I'm going to focus on romantic relationships here, because that's what it seemed like you were gesturing at, but I'd be happy to talk about any others in another ask! Under a cut because it’s long:

I'm actually fairly boring on this front, because the relationships that I most like...are the ones that have the most time spent on them, lmao. So you could say that I'm not actually that discriminating when comes to what I like, I just like Bleach, and I like most of the relationships there as a result.

For example, Ichigo and Orihime's dynamic is great. It's a very classic shonen manga romance (the sweet, pretty girl is in love with the protagonist? no way!) but Kubo really does a great job characterizing the two of them and developing it in a believable way. I've talked a lot about the downside of Ichigo's desire to protect, but I do think that has a certain appeal to Orihime, somebody who has very much been a victim of circumstance in her life up to this point. And while Ichigo more or less refuses to consider himself a sexual or romantic being at this point in the story, I think Orihime's effusive and unconditional affection (even when he "fails to protect people") is something that means a lot to him, even if he's not the best at showing it. I'm really interested in following it as it develops further.

Renji and Rukia's relationship was honestly one of the best parts of the Soul Society arc, and "I'm not letting go of you" might be the best moment in the whole arc. The story of how they fell apart, and Renji's long journey back to feeling worthy of Rukia, was masterfully done, and I loved every step of it, especially in how his redemption was not in fighting, but simply being there for her. But I'm sort of struggling to see where it might develop further? At this point, they might as well be together already, and if they're not it's only because they're too stupid to figure it out.

Moving on, part of the reason the Renji/Rukia stuff worked so well in Soul Society is that it heavily paralleled the Momo/Toshiro and Gin/Rangiku dynamics that were also permeating the story. And while I'm not really enamored with Gin and Rangiku's story, except to the degree it affected Rangiku's character, I find the Momo/Toshiro stuff fascinating, especially as it drags in Aizen, who I think gets underplayed here. It's a dynamic that's all kinds of messed up, because Aizen more or less grooms Momo to not just be his unthinking tool, but also as a means of screwing with Toshiro, and the damage this sort of thing does to young, developing sexualities can't be overstated! But that's sort of what makes it compelling-- you want to see if Toshiro and Momo can find their way past Aizen like Renji and Rukia did, and not collapse under his machinations like Gin and Rangiku.

And finally, I'm not sure whether this will actually go anywhere, but Ikkaku and Yumichika's dynamic is truly wild, written under so much subtext and symbolism that you could pretend it wasn't there if not for the consistency of the imagery. These dudes spend all their time with each other but suppress their powers (which as always in Bleach, are symbolic of who they are) so as to better fit in a conventionally masculine environment commanded by a man who is defined as being unable to even recognize his own inner self! These guys are absolutely in love! But also absolutely not dating, and are in fact somewhat self-loathing to a degree, and while I know a Jump manga is probably not going to have an impassioned declaration of gay love where they say screw the rules and unleash their full powers, that is the natural conclusion to everything Kubo's written up to this point, which is fascinating in its own way.

[iz-star]

Please feel free to just pick and choose from these and whichever character you want: 16, 19 (because I love the outfits you draw BLEACH characters in!) or 22 (by which I mean Momo with whichever character you want). Hopefully I've done this correctly!

Artist meme!

Hello!! Ahh sorry for taking a little bit to reply to this! Lately I've just had time to sketch things so I hope you don't mind if the drawings aren't that detailed!

16: Select 3 random colors, those are all you’re allowed to use to draw your muse

Pfff I LOVE palette color practice/challenges but I haven't done any of those in a very long time. Thank you so much for asking this one! I had fun sketching it!!

19: Draw your muse in winter gear/summer wear

I wish I was able to draw something more complex for this one tho I decided to leave it like that because Rangiku ended up giving faerie vibes or at least it looks like that to me ahaha.

22: Draw our muses together!

Toshiro keeps this picture in his desk at his office. They took if after the rebuilding of Soul Society after the battle against Yhwach ended so it was an important day!

I love to draw Momo too -we could say she's my muse too ahaha. Thank you so much for asking these!! I had so much fun sketching them!! I needed to draw my kids together! It was wholesome and relaxing!

[bleachbleachbleach]

Going to be 100% predictable here: 💛, ❤️‍🩹, and 😋 for Toshiro, Momo, and Rangiku

From this ask game~

(I apologize ahead of time for this absolute wall of text but there are two of us with lots of thoughts and no ability to be coherent or succinct)

ippoddity's answers

💛- Brotp

Hitsugaya - I'm gonna have to be predictable here, and go with Matsumoto and Hitsugaya. They have such a wonderful depth to their relationship, and unlike most other Captain/Vice-Captain pairs, they have a long history too! (lol not to blast Byakuya and Renji but at the start of the series these two barely know each other) I think that long working knowledge together makes them one of the strongest pairs in the Gotei 13, which is an organization that really seems to value individual strength, but not working together? Which is good and all, but like... you would never get a badass ash/ice wall without two shinigami who understood each other's strengths/weaknesses really well, and then used them to their advantage. Obviously teamwork makes the dream work!

Hinamori - I love Academy Days Renji/Kira/Hinamori. They're so adorable together as they're coming up in the world, and I think there's something very special about bonds forged at school. I think when they graduated, Hinamori made them all a photo scrapbook that they Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants-around throughout the years and add to every once in awhile. The pages that Kira makes are usually somewhat straightforward, but nice. Renji puts in pages that are usually activity themed (futsal stickers anyone?), and Hinamori makes pages that are nostalgia-inducing.

Matsumoto - Ok, but who DOESN'T Matsumoto have chemistry with?? The possibilities are endless. I already talked about why Hitsugaya/Matsumoto is so good together, so I will choose someone else to talk about for her. Not sure if this is necessarily a Brotp, but I love thinking about Matsumoto being a big sister to Yuzu and Karin. She already acts in that capacity for many of the other characters (Rukia, Orihime, etc), so can you imagine her with Isshin's daughters? I think she would be a very good influence on them, in terms of knowing even better how to get on Isshin's nerves. He'd probably hate it, but love it all the same, to see his former vice-captain influencing his kids (for better or worse).

❤️‍🩹- Angsty headcanon

Hitsugaya - I don't think this is an original take at all, but as the designated "tensai" character of the series, I think Hitsugaya is rather isolated. He didn't really have a childhood where he got to play with children his age, and then he went straight into the academy, full of people older than himself. Now, he has what is arguable the most Grown Up Job in all of the Seireitei, and he still doesn't get many opportunities to let his guard down and just act silly. Even while everyone else around him gets to carouse and relax occasionally, he's afraid if he joins in, he'll just be seen as childish. So he hangs back, and watches everyone else have fun, all the while wishing he could join.

Hinamori - Prior to Aizen's defection, Hinamori used to regularly make up excuses to visit Hitsugaya. Whether it was bringing over baked goods that she made "too many of" or asking him whether he'd read any good books lately, she really just wanted to make sure he was taking care of himself. But afterward... she didn't seek him out for a long time. She told herself it was because she didn't want to make him worry about her (he already has enough on his plate), but a small part of her was haunted by the look of hatred and ferocity he had in his eyes when he impaled her during the Winter War. Logically, she knew those feelings weren't meant for her, but she still couldn't get it out of her head that they could be. After all, she had accused him of some terrible things, and even attacked him. It wasn't out of the realm of possibility that he might hate her.

Matsumoto - After Ichimaru dies, birthdays are very difficult for her. Not just because he's the one who gave her her birthday, but also because it's a reminder of the passage of time, and what once was. Normally she loves any excuse to celebrate, and birthdays are a great opportunity for it, but she's never happy on her birthday. She uses to occasion to drink even more than usual, because it's better to be overly inebriated than to think.

😋- Funny/stupid headcanon

Hitsugaya- At some point, maybe when life gets less crazy and people stop invading Soul Society Hitsugaya wants a pet cat. He thinks they're cute and soft and he enjoys their quiet company. (I don't know if this is really based on anything, I just feel it's true in my heart of hearts)

(Yup, we did indeed steal an Arakawa cat for this, and we regret none of it. Let it never be said B3 didn’t commit to the bit.)

Hinamori - Not sure if this is funny/stupid, but Hinamori is insanely good at puzzles. Not just jigsaw puzzles, but also logic-game ones like sudoku and kakuro. She likes to do them on her breaks, and she's always the first to complete the sudoku/kakuro puzzles in the latest issues of Seireitei Communications. Her unmatched superiority at puzzles is also why she's so good at using kidou spells and weaving them together in innovative ways.

Matsumoto - No one has ever seen Matsumoto with a bad hair day. And this is because they do not exist for her. Her hair is just like that naturally, much to the chagrin of Yumichika. Sure, she takes care of her hair, but doesn't have any special regimen or products that she uses.

--- 

whipplefilter’s answers

Brevity is not the soul of my wit.

😋- Funny/stupid headcanon

Hitsugaya - This is something I think about a lot… and the stupidity of this HC comes from how often I think about it, lol. But like, the scene post winter-war where Hitsugaya is training bankai in a cave. I get the reasoning for this, but when rock is subjected to stress (for instance, the volumetric expansion of moisture contained in/between rock as it becomes ice) it cracks, and Hitsugaya has definitely brought that cave down on himself at least once. I mean, he obviously knows how ice works. I don’t think it was a surprise. But lol how embarrassing? (Maybe it was a BOGO thing—built-in kekkai training too?) Just out here CAUSING EROSION...

Hinamori - Some time after the publication of the Seireitei Communications Birthday Edition (and Hinamori’s heroism in getting it fit to print), one of the regular staff approached Hinamori about collaborating on a new artistic feature. Hinamori stopped dead in her tracks, put a hand firmly on the editor’s shoulder, and smiled. "Absolutely not," she intoned, so coldly that it was not until hours later, in the comfort of his own quarters, the editor thawed enough to burst into tears, wholly incognizant of the reason for them. Unless it has already been proofed, polished, and published, Hinamori is never touching that magazine again.

Matsumoto - Junrinan Grandma sometimes makes off-color jokes about Matsumoto being a home invader (Matsumoto’s sudden appearance inside her home in the dead of night to have a heart to heart with baby Hitsugaya was their first introduction to each other). Given the somewhat shaky reputations of shinigami to many Rukongai residents, Matsumoto honestly cannot tell if the jokes are really jokes or not. Hitsugaya refuses to clarify the matter, which leads Matsumoto to believe that it probably is a joke and not that serious, except then Hitsugaya regarded her very seriously and said, "You’d trust my interpretation of a joke?" and Matsumoto is pretty sure that’s a joke (...right?), but in any case, the saga is ongoing.

❤️‍🩹- Angsty headcanon

Hitsugaya - I simply cannot believe that reconstituting your body to augment its ability to function as a sausageskin for bankai power is actually good for you. I don’t think that that TYBW form was the organic, intentional way Hyourinmaru’s bankai is supposed to go. My headcanon is that after pulling that off under duress, it takes years (possibly ten of them) to "undo" the messiness of its aftermath. Patience is a virtue, but I think the angst comes in because during that time Hitsugaya really had no way of knowing that Soul Society *was* going to see peace for the duration of those ten years. And if they didn’t, he did know he wasn’t going to be able to meet the demand. His epilogue smile as he’s talking about that peace is one of very personal relief.

Hinamori - Whenever she messes something up, or isn’t quite good enough at something, or even just has an off day, there’s a >50% chance someone around her will attribute it to her trauma at the hands of Aizen. This is more damaging to her than it would be for someone to see her faults as entirely her own. Her reactions/responses aren’t always healthy, and it can be a compounding vicious cycle.

Matsumoto - Contending with her "greatly diminished" lifespan as a result of Mayuri’s zombie cure is really hard for her. For all the regular reasons that any other shinigami would share, but it also feels like it moves up the deadline for things she might want to experience, and hadn’t previously given much thought to—romance, marriage, children. This is especially difficult because, well. Who’s she going to talk to about these things? Hitsugaya?? Basically all of the women she knows are younger than her, and it feels like all of these life events are probably even further from their minds than they had been from hers. It’s isolating.

💛- Brotp

I wanted to talk about potential pairups that I think would be interesting, even though they may not actually be my dyed-in-the-wool 100% brotp. …BUT MAYBE THEY WILL BE IN MY FUTURE.

Hitsugaya & Zaraki. We talk about Hitsugaya and Byakuya, but Hitsugaya, Byakuya, and Zaraki spent a LOT of time together in the reigai arc and I think the OT3 needs to be acknowledged. I think Hitsugaya and Byakuya like working together because it’s easy for them to understand and predict what the other will do. However, they are both amenable to working with Zaraki because he is actually also easy to predict, albeit in a... completely different way. Also, Zaraki has never once asked a personal question of anyone, which to Hitsugaya merits some commendation.

Hinamori & Sasakibe. I can never quite tell what the protocol is for seeking an audience with the Captain Commander, because sometimes it seems like there’s a lot of pomp and circumstance around it and sometimes Hitsugaya is just like "yeah, I went and dropped off a report." So do random shinigami just like, wander into his office to shoot the shit sometimes, or do these mystical reports need to be personally walked over midday, Captain-to-Commander, with no intermediary, because access to the guy is a big deal? Anyway, my point is, Hinamori sought an audience with Yamamoto, and asked for AND GOT permission just to talk to Hitsugaya on the incredible Fancy Worm TV, and I feel like there’s a story there. I’d love to know more about how that all came to be, and what it was like for Sasakibe and Hinamori to witness each other in the wake of Aizen’s betrayal (of Hinamori, of Yamamoto, of Soul Society).

Matsumoto & Rukia. I feel like Matsumoto might be someone Rukia used to actively avoid one-on-one time with, because Matsumoto’s exuberance can sometimes make Rukia feel a bit inadequate and more wallflower-y than Rukia has imagined her ideal self to be. Plus, Matsumoto is one of Renji’s Friends and Rukia basically only knows her in the context of Many of Renji’s Friends Mutually Getting Shitfaced. But they become closer once Rukia makes VC and Matsumoto is the one to welcome her into the fold. Re: my Angst HC above, I imagine Rukia’s pregnancy with Ichika also opens up a new dimension of Matsumoto and Rukia’s relationship, especially since birth/pregnancy amongst shinigami seems rare to begin with. 

[crimsonxblaze]

snooze in

hitsuhina week 2021: @hitsuhina-week (belated) gift exchange 

rating: k for: @canariie author’s note: hello! i’m so sorry this is so late, but i hope you enjoy this domestic fluff piece! i haven’t written hitsuhina in years but i still adore them as much as ever, so i hope this is as in character as possible. 

The rays of the bright morning sun kiss his sleeping figure, urging him to return to consciousness. A soft groan escapes his lips as he forces his eyes to open, slightly disoriented by the sudden waking. He blinks a few times, his vision soon clearing as he stares up at the ceiling. It doesn’t take long for him to finally comprehend his surroundings. 

He can hear the soft snores of her next to him, alongside the incredible warmth snuggled against his side. His arm feels a little sore after supporting most of her weight, but he doesn’t dare move. Instead, he twists his head only slightly to look down at her, coming face to face with a mop of dark brown tresses. 

It appears she’s only shifted closer to him during the night, remaining glued to his side as he feels one of her legs stretched on top of him. He doesn’t really mind though; having Momo wrapped up in his arms is his favourite place to be.

But as he glances at the clock hanging on the wall facing their bed, he knows he cannot stay here much longer. There is far too much paperwork he still has to complete thanks to Matsumoto’s regular indolence, and Ise has sent each division notices about overdue documents needing to be completed. 

Toshiro lets out a soft grumble in irritation at the thought. 

He really doesn’t want to leave Momo here alone in bed when it’s supposed to be their day off. He knows she’ll understand his reasons for departing so soon, she always does. But for once, he’d like to neglect his duties if it meant he could have a few more minutes with her. 

A quick glance at the clock again tells him that his time is up, and there’s no room for further delay. Perhaps if he finished this fast enough, he could return to Momo’s warm arms. 

With that thought in mind, Toshiro gathers up the resolve to leave the cocoon of warmth he’d been engulfed in. He glances around for a way to move without waking her, only to find that she’s snuggled even closer into his side. 

Toshiro smiles to himself a bit. 

Five years ago, he wouldn’t have imagined she’d be such a clingy sleeper. They may have slept in the same room as children while living with their grandma, but that was different. Obaa-san had always opted to sleep in the middle as she let them cuddle against her. 

Since then, they’d never shared the same sleeping quarters until Momo had asked to move in with him. That first night had been admittedly quite awkward. Toshiro hadn’t wanted to overstep boundaries by accidentally taking over her side of the bed (he’d been told by obaa-san before that he was a bit of a blanket hog), so he had placed a pillow in between them while Momo was getting ready.

He could remember her reaction to it very clearly, her expression shifting from shock to disappointment, to slight hurt, and he hadn’t known how to remedy it. 

“Toshiro-kun?” she’d asked, unmoving from the door as she stared at the set up of their bed.

“Yeah? What’s wrong, Momo?” he asked, a bit hesitant. 

She turned to look at him, biting her lip. 

“Are we sleeping with that pillow in the middle tonight?”

He scratched the back of his neck, taken aback by her disappointed reaction. He’d thought that she was aware of his blanket problem, or maybe a bit uncomfortable with sharing the bed so soon since they hadn’t for a long while now. But apparently not.

“I thought it would be more convenient for you, but I can remove it.”

She frowned, “Convenient? Why?”

“Are you not uncomfortable with sharing the bed already?”

“I was the one who asked to move in with you, Toshiro-kun. I wouldn’t have asked if I were uncomfortable with sleeping with you,” she explained, the hurt dissipating into understanding. 

“Both ways,” she muttered under her breath, so softly that anyone else with untrained hearing wouldn’t have heard. But he had, and the tips of his ears turned red at the thought. They hadn’t reached that stage yet, but he could foresee it happening in the near future. 

“I’m sorry for misunderstanding, Momo,” he apologised sincerely, “I should have asked you first.”

She smiled at him, shaking her head as she moved over to the bed. Momo lifted the pillow dividing the bed and placed it above hers, climbing into the bed. 

“It’s alright, Toshiro-kun. But now that’s out of the way, I can do this.”

He didn’t know what he’d been expecting but certainly not Momo boldly wrapping her arms around him to cuddle as she tangled their legs together. Toshiro had noticed that since the beginning of their relationship, maybe a little while before that, she’d grown somewhat bolder. It was a refreshing development, seeing the usually so polite and shy Momo grow more confident in herself again. 

This confidence included taking a lot of initiative in their relationship, much to his surprise. He was usually the more direct one of the two, but Momo had switched their positions and swept him off his feet. He wasn’t complaining though. 

Toshiro would never admit it out loud, but Matsumoto had been right. If Momo hadn’t made the first move, he wouldn’t have made one to begin with. He hadn’t wanted to burden her with his feelings, not since she was still recovering from Aizen’s betrayal. All he’d wanted was to ensure she was safe and happy, even if it wasn’t with him. 

Yet as luck would have it, she’d found both with him.

And he would spend his long years of living ensuring that she always would.

When he woke up the next morning, he’d found Momo still snuggled in his arms, as though she hadn’t moved the entire night. It was then that he began to realise that he’d been an idiot for thinking she would be uncomfortable. All this time, she’d wanted the same thing as he: to fall asleep and wake up in each other’s arms. 

It’s unfortunate that this morning however, Momo would be subjected to an empty bed as he’s forced to attend to work duties early on. That is, if he’s even able to wriggle out of her hold. 

One of her arms spread across his chest has tightened around him, leaving him unable to slide out without prying her hands off him. Instead, he decides to work on freeing his legs first. Perhaps that will cause her to roll over just a little. 

With much effort, Toshiro begins his escape. Fortunately for him, Momo isn’t applying as much pressure with her leg as she had been, allowing him to slide one of his legs away. He awkwardly tries to slide his other leg away, his right foot already brushing the edges of the wooden floor. 

He’s only managed to free both his legs from under her when the hand across his chest grips onto his shirt, giving him pause. Toshiro looks down to see her tugging him back, the leg sprawled over him moving beneath the sheets to find his freed legs. Her eyes are still closed but she seems intent on keeping him in bed. 

“Where are you going, Shiro-chan?” he hears her sleepily ask, her voice croaky from hours of misuse. She grips tighter on his shirt, trying to pull him closer to her. 

“I have to finish off some paperwork, Momo,” he tells her gently, although without resisting her effort to pull him back. After all, how can he resist her?

Momo still doesn’t open her eyes, instead shaking her head. She shifts closer to him, burying her face in the crook of his neck. The scent of peaches wafts strongly against his nose, a scent he’s strongly acquainted with home. 

The more she acts like this, the more his resolve to step out of bed dwindles. 

“Rangiku-san can do it,” she mumbles, her warm breath fanning against his neck.

He hums softly, bending his head down to press a soft kiss against the top of her head. 

“It’s because of her that I have to do it myself.”

Momo buries her face against him even more, shaking her head. She swiftly locks her legs around him, catching him off guard with her iron grip. It’s not often that he experiences her being so possessive, but he quite enjoys the experience. 

“Stay with me, Shiro-chan,” she says, squeezing his side. 

“Momo, I-”

“Please?” 

He can just imagine the pout she’s sporting without even seeing her face, and immediately his resolve disappears. It’s not as though he’d been putting up much of a fight anyway. Ise and the paperwork can wait, there are more important matters for him to attend to.

With that in mind, he surrenders completely to Momo’s warmth. 

Toshiro pushes himself back into the bed, shifting to get comfortable again. He turns a little on his side, allowing himself to scoop her into his arms as he holds her tight against him. Now that he’s much taller, Momo feels so petite in his arms. 

Momo squeezes him as he rests his chin on top of her, sighing. He closes his eyes. 

Matsumoto can take care of the work just as she should’ve. This is where he’s supposed to be.

His whole body relaxes. Toshiro’s breath simultaneously evens out with Momo’s and the pair soon surrender to the welcome embrace of a morning slumber. 

//

As though it’s déjà vu, the sun's rays shine brightly against her eyelids. It pulls her from the depths of her peaceful sleep, forcing her back into reality. With great effort, she flicks an eye open, wincing at the bright light before she opens the other. She blinks furiously, trying to readjust to her surroundings.

Her body feels awfully heavy, both from hours of oversleeping and the strong arm wrapped tightly around her waist. Momo looks down to see Toshiro’s arm clutching her waist, and she smiles to herself. 

Normally neither are too touchy in public, but once they’re alone and away from prying eyes, she can become particularly clingy. But she’s not the only one. Over the years they’ve spent together as lovers, she’s come to learn that her Toshiro really enjoys placing her arm around her waist. 

He’s also especially fond of spooning her in bed, with him as the big spoon as he keeps her enveloped in his arms. They hadn’t exactly spooned last night, but she can just tell that neither had separated from each other’s side despite the sheer size of their bed. 

Momo’s gaze shifts from his arm to look right at his face, her smile growing fonder. His peaceful look is something she’s only privy to, especially when he’s known to always glare or look somewhat grumpy to his subordinates. But during sleep is when he finds true peace, allowing himself to be fully vulnerable under her watchful eye. 

She knows that she could probably stare at his face all day if she could, but he’s particularly sensitive to her gazes. Sometimes she’ll just be staring at him from afar, and suddenly his eyes will snap to hers with a brow raised. 

Though interestingly enough, he hasn’t seemed to notice her staring yet. Surely he should be awake by now?

“Are you enjoying yourself, Momo?”

His husky voice, ridden with hours of sleep, startles her that she almost jumps in surprise. He hasn’t opened his eyes yet, but she can see the faintest curl of the sides of his lips. 

She pouts, lightly pushing his shoulder. “How long have you been awake?”

He opens a turquoise eye to look at her. 

“Long enough.”

Momo reaches forward to gently caress the side of his face, watching as he nuzzles his cheek against her palm. 

“I did though.”

“Hmm?”

“I enjoyed looking at your sleeping face, Shiro-chan,” she admits, her gaze never leaving him. 

He raises a brow, cheeks beginning to flush a little pink. 

“You did?”

Momo nods, smiling at him. “You’re very relaxed and peaceful when you sleep.” She lightly traces the dip between his eyebrows. “There are also no wrinkles,” she teases.

“I don’t have wrinkles.”

She raises a brow, her eyes twinkling in mischief. “Are you sure you don’t? You do tend to frown a lot.”

“You can blame Matsumoto for that.”

At the mention of Rangiku’s name, Momo’s eyes widen. She can vaguely recall having woken up earlier this morning actually, but she remembers Rangiku’s name being spoken clearly.

She tears her gaze away to look at their wall clock, a soft gasp escaping her lips.

Toshiro moves slightly to sit up, looking at her. “What’s wrong, Momo?”

She looks at him, her eyes still wide. Oh no. It’s already two o’clock, far later than either of them have ever slept before. Not to mention that she’d seen the notice Ise had given his division on Friday about the overdue paperwork that needed to be completed and submitted by three o’clock on Sunday. 

It was highly unlikely that Rangiku had done it herself, leaving Toshiro in charge of the matter. But he had been here with her this whole time, sleeping.

Momo bites her lower lip in guilt. 

“It’s already two…”

He raises a brow, nodding slowly. “It is.”

“Toshiro-kun, don’t you remember? You had those stacks of paperwork you needed to submit by three today. I’m not too sure Nanao-san will be too happy about the delay.”

Toshiro doesn’t reply immediately, opting to gaze at her silently for a few moments. It slightly bothers her, the way his expression doesn’t change as he stares, and how he hasn’t said anything yet. Is she the only one who sees the issue here?

Then suddenly, he shakes his head as he lets out a soft chuckle. 

Momo blinks, confused.

“Toshiro-kun?”

“Did you really think I didn’t remember?”

She frowns. “I know you wouldn’t, but I don’t understand why you’re still here then if that’s the case.”

He reaches out to lightly ruffle her already messy morning hair, catching her off guard. Why is he acting so nonchalant about this?

“That’s because of you.”

“Me?”

He nods. “Yes, you.”

Momo scrunches her nose, pointing to herself. “I don’t understand how I could be the reason when I’ve been asleep this whole time.”

“No, you woke up earlier when I did.”

“I did?”

Toshiro nods, “I tried to get up to do that paperwork but then someone refused to let me go.”

She blinks at the revelation, frowning.

“I don’t remember that.”

“I don’t expect you to.” 

He shrugs, sitting up more to rest his back against the headrest.

“But you did pull me back to bed and told me to stay with you. You also said that Matsumoto would do the paperwork.”

Ah, that must be why she remembers Rangiku’s name. She’d uttered it out loud earlier this morning, as a protest against Toshiro leaving her side according to him. 

The truth makes her blush in slight embarrassment. She knows she can be clingy, but never to this extent. Momo only hopes that he hadn’t minded it. It’s her fault now that Toshiro couldn’t do his work. 

But before she can look down and allow herself to take all the blame, Toshiro’s hand comes to gently tilt her chin up to look at him. She blinks, staring into his eyes in confusion, but his eyes are warm.

He rubs her cheek with his thumb. “Don’t blame yourself, Momo.”

“But I-”

He shakes his head before she can fully protest.

“I wasn’t putting up much of a fight either. I didn’t exactly want to spend my Sunday morning doing paperwork Matsumoto should’ve done when I could be staying in bed with you, so I’m glad you asked me to stay.”

Toshiro leans forward to press a soft kiss against her forehead, Momo closing her eyes at the contact. His lips are warm to the touch, far less chapped than anyone would initially expect. They’re soft and supple and feel especially good against her own. 

“I don’t think Rangiku-san’s finished it. She probably forgot.”

He cracks a smile as he pulls away, nodding in agreement. “I don’t expect her to have remembered it either. But it doesn’t matter. The paperwork is Matsumoto’s responsibility first and foremost, not mine.”

She scrunches her nose when she realises his train of thought, lightly swatting his shoulder. 

“Shiro-chan, that’s rude.”

“But it’s true, isn’t it? It’s been decades but she still hasn’t changed.”

Momo can’t find room to argue when it’s true. As a lieutenant, completion of a majority of the division’s paperwork fell under their job description, not the captain’s. While lots of captains and lieutenants tried to divide the work between them, oftentimes the captain became too distracted with other responsibilities that the burden fell on their vice’s shoulders instead. 

Luckily for her, Shinji was pretty good at multitasking. He often tried to lessen the load on Momo by doing as much as he could, which she was grateful for. On the other hand, Rangiku had never been known to enjoy paperwork or administrational duties like she had. Rather, she had a particular tendency to drink large amounts of sake when she could, leaving her unable to complete her duties. 

As a result, Toshiro had often been burdened by doing everything himself. Momo tried to pop by and help him a couple of times, but he was stubbornly against her help. He’d argued that she did enough paperwork on her own already, he wasn’t about to let her do some more. 

Even still, she could see how much it drained him sometimes. Rangiku had been getting better at doing it over the years, but she still had her habits. 

“Mm, I suppose so,” she admits quietly, sitting up next to him to rest her head on his shoulder. 

“So a day for sleeping in with you shouldn’t be a problem. Kyoraku won’t mind.”

She nods in agreement. Kyoraku was a lot less strict than Yamamoto had been, while Nanao had become his stricter right hand. 

“I think we should do this again.”

“Do what again?”

Momo smiles at him, “Sleep in again. We’ve never woken up this late before.”

Toshiro muses to himself quietly, before letting out a soft hum. They are both quite early birds, though Momo liked to sleep in a little more whenever she had her days off. 

“Alright then.”

She grins, wrapping her arms around one of his. “How about we also stay in bed the whole day today?”

“The whole day?”

“You don’t have anything planned today do you?” She raises a brow at him, only to be met by a shake of the head. 

“Not that I recall, no.”

“Good,” Momo smiles. “Then yes, we can stay in bed the whole day today. It’s called a Lazy Sunday, Shiro-chan.”

“What about food? Don’t we need to eat?”

“I can ask someone to get us food. Are you hungry right now?”

Toshiro shakes his head, “Not at the moment. But I think you are.”

At that, her stomach begins to let out a low growl, yearning for food to quench its hunger. Momo’s hands immediately fly to cover her stomach in embarrassment, her cheeks burning up.

He only looks at her with a slight smirk, to which she pouts as she swats him away. 

“I may be a little hungry.”

“That doesn’t sound like a little.”

She huffs, “Okay maybe not. But I’ll go ask someone to get us food first.”

Before Momo can call out however, he places a hand over hers. She looks at him with a brow raised. 

“How about we go get something to eat together, and go back to bed when we’re done?”

Truthfully she doesn’t want to leave the bed at all, but the longer she sits here, the louder her stomach cries. It continues to prod her for food and she doesn’t want to reach the point where her stomach starts to ache from hunger.

Momo sighs in reluctance. “I guess we’ll have to.”

Toshiro eyes her in amusement. “We’ll come straight back here after, Momo. Don’t worry.”

He begins to open the covers, slipping out of the bed in one fluid movement. Toshiro extends a hand out to help her get up, grasping her hand tightly to keep her steady. 

“And then we can have our Lazy Sunday?”

He nods, kissing her temple. “And then we can have our Lazy Sunday.”

Momo grins to herself, squeezing his hand tight. Today is looking to be a really good day. 

[soybeanprophecy]

is it ridiculous?

notes: i have no idea, inspired by the perfect man by cutecrazyice (a sasusaku fic from like 2011 lmao). also do not know if i can write this well lmao i am trying my best hahahahH disclaimer: definitely do not own bleach. when are they animating the last arc!!!!??? also au! excited for the new chapter tho!!! also this was written for hitsuhina week 2021 this year but honestly it's so late and i'm not even entirely sure which theme it was supposed to fit (au and mutual pining??) so i am very sorry!! i hope you enjoy this cheesy-ass fic and i hope its not too long and too much of a mess. i apologize in advance lmao

Summary: Hinamori Momo first meets Hitsugaya Toshiro on the playground at the tender young age of six. They go on to become inseparable, meaningful, and essential to each other—childhood friends that were, are, and will be people who belong together for the rest of this lifetime and beyond.

Link for those who like using ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33041425 

-------

Hinamori Momo first meets Hitsugaya Toshiro at the tender age of six on the playground in the local neighborhood. She had been grasping the handle of her bucket firmly, brows furrowed, determined to build a castle in the sandbox, when a blur of white to her left suddenly catches her attention.

“The swings!” A boy yells as he runs past her. He has white hair, and Momo can’t help but gasp in disbelief. She has never seen a person with that color hair before.

He immediately skids to a halt, whipping around to glare ferociously at her. “What are you looking at?” he demands, stepping into and striding over to her spot in the sandbox.

She drops her bucket and stands, huffing, suddenly put off by his attitude. “Nothing! I was just sitting here, minding my own business,” she pouts, crossing her arms. 

“Well, I heard you scoff,” he snaps back.

“I didn’t scoff!” she replies indignantly.

“Did too.”

“Did not.”

“Did too!”

“Did not—aah!” 

Momo stares up at her perpetrator in scandalised shock, her mouth wide open at the slightly guilty look forming on the boy’s face. “I can’t believe,” she sputters, flailing. “That you pushed me!”

His frown deepens, and he stares off to the side petulantly. “It’s just sand. And well, you made fun of me first.”

Made fun of? Momo’s jaw drops again, her mind racing to understand his response. When did she make fun of this boy? She notices the slight downturn of his brows and the scuffing of his feet, and despite his thorny demeanor, he looks smaller and lonelier by the minute. She cocks her head and studies him, really looks at him, and it suddenly dawns on her—he had thought she had mocked his hair.

“Oh! I wasn’t really—I mean, I was shocked, but—well, just surprised, really,” she nervously rambles, waving her hands to indicate innocence. “I had just never seen anyone with your hair color before. I really do honestly think it’s...” she pauses shyly, peering up at him from the ground. “...nice.”

The boy’s eyebrows lift into his hairline at her words, and Momo notes that there is a redness that seeps into his ears. “W-whatever,” he spits out, deftly looking away from her.

She smiles at him, and decides that she likes this boy. “Your white hair is cool, Shiro-chan!”

His head whips back around, and the hostile glare is back. “...Shiro-chan…?” he stomps his feet angrily. “My name is Hitsugaya Toshiro, not Shiro-chan!”

“Hinamori Momo,” she stands and brushes off sand, grinning at her newfound friend. “Let’s go play on the swings, Shiro-chan!” she grabs his hand and begins excitedly dragging him towards the swingset.

Toshiro yelps at the weight, nearly toppling over. “Hey! It’s Hitsugaya Toshiro! And no, I don’t want to go on the swings!”

“I heard you yelling about the swings earlier,” she responds with a knowing look, and he frowns at her apparent attention to detail. “Come on, I’ll push you!”

He reluctantly follows her to the swings, and she gestures eagerly for him to sit. As she pushes him higher and higher, the frown starts to slip off his face and she grins secretly to herself. Shiro-chan really is too cute, she muses, watching him laugh in delight as he swings in the air.

“You have to push me too,” she shouts at him as he flies up into the sky.

“As if!” he yells back.

He pushes her anyway.

-------

It is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

They are inseparable as the years pass, and an unlikely bond forms between two childhood friends with polar opposite personalities.

“Momo-chan! Are you coming to the park afterschool?”

She nods brightly, zipping up her backpack with a secure flick. “Mm-hm! I’ll be there,” she says, smiling widely at her friend. “I just have to wait for Shiro-chan!”

Her friend pauses to grimace, a frown slipping into her expression. “Does he have to come?” she wrinkles her nose at the very idea of hanging out with Hitsugaya. “He doesn’t fit in at all.”

Momo nods firmly. “He’s really not that bad,” she tries to reason. “He’s a meanie sometimes, but he’s a very good friend and person. People just don’t give him a chance,” she states resolutely, crossing her arms.

“I don’t know…” the frown on her friend’s face doesn’t lessen. “...Maybe it’s better if he doesn’t come.”

“I’m not leaving without him,” she says, shaking her head decisively. Momo stands, swinging her bag onto her shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” she waves, and without looking back at her friend’s likely sour reaction, she leaves the classroom, the door banging behind her.

Toshiro later looks at her questioningly as she catches him leaving his locker. “Weren’t you going to hang out with your friends today?”

She dismisses his query, pulling him by the arm. “Nah, let’s get watermelon shaved ice instead! I’ve been craving it!”

“I’m pretty sure you were supposed to—”

“It’s so hot!” she cuts him off, fanning herself as they stumble together down the hallway. “It’s a perfect day for something cold and sweet,” she says, wagging her pointer finger. “Your treat, Shiro-chan!”

“It’s Hitsugaya!” he retorts out of habit, dropping the earlier subject. “Stop calling me that nickname; we’re in junior high already!”

Momo laughs, patting him on the head. “But you’re always going to be Shiro-chan to me,” she says gleefully, ruffling his hair as he tries to pull away. “Little, cute, grumpy Shiro-chan!”

He snatches her hand out of his white unruly locks, glowering up at her jovial expression. “I’m not little and cute!” he exclaims angrily. “And just you wait, Hinamori. I’m going to be big and tall and handsome!” 

The petulant response just makes her laugh again. “Sure, sure,” she waves her arm nonchalantly, before stopping to give him a pointed look. “Just don’t go around threatening to beat people up,” Momo scolds, frowning slightly. “I heard from Aizen-sensei that you almost got into a fight yesterday.”

Toshiro has the decency to look mildly chastised, his gaze downcast. “...They were making fun of you,” he begrudgingly admits, staring at his sneakers.

“They’re just mean boys,” she rationalizes, but tilts her head contemplatively, a small, fond smile growing on her lips. “...But thank you, Hitsugaya-kun.” 

He snaps his head up, wide-eyed, before darting his gaze away hurriedly. “W-whatever. And I’m not paying for your dessert,” he quickly recovers from his embarrassment, a smirk lining the corner of his mouth. “...Bed-wetter Momo.”

“Shiro-chan! That’s so mean!” Momo shouts childishly, punching him on the shoulder. “You know I don’t wet the bed anymore!”

“That’s what you get for calling me ‘Shiro-chan,’” he sticks out his tongue. “And you did that until the third grade!”

“No, I didn’t!” she pouts. “Take it back!”

“Yes, you did!”

“No!”

“Yes!”

The bickering continues down the hallway and out into the street. 

-------

Hinamori Momo goes on her first date in her junior year of highschool, when a red-faced, fumbling Kira Izuru approaches and awkwardly asks her out.

“Of course, Kira-kun,” she answers, cheeks rosy and shy. This is her first date ever, and she suddenly forgets that she has been friends with Kira for over a year now.

“What do I do? What do I do?” she hyperventilates to Hitsugaya later, frantically pacing about the room. 

He is strangely quiet throughout her word vomit, and she doesn’t register the poorly concealed expression of mild irritation and discontent on his face. 

“...He’s just Kira,” Toshiro eventually responds, brows furrowed. “You don’t have to be any different around him.”

“B-but, it’s a date!” she sputters, still panicked. “I’ve never been on a date before! I didn’t even think people noticed me, let alone a good friend!”

He scoffs. “People notice you,” he mutters under his breath, a sour look forming. 

Momo ignores his mumbling, continuing to gesture widely. “Plus,” she pauses, dramatically flinging her arms to better showcase her histrionics. “It’s...Kira-kun!”

“Why does that matter?” he asks, a delicate brow arched. 

“He’s—I don’t know—like popular, and tall, and—I mean, good-looking!” she laments, throwing herself onto the bed. “I don’t know how to handle that,” she mutters into her pillow.

Toshiro shifts in her desk chair, clearly uncomfortable. Something in his face darkens, and he studies the floor with an unusual amount of interest. “...That’s what you see in him, huh.”

“What?” she sits up and shoots him a confused look. “I mean, I guess…”

He swallows, and Momo frowns, puzzled. There are very few moments in their friendship that she has had trouble reading him, but the carefully blank expression on his face only bewilders her.

“...Just be yourself,” he says, after a moment of hesitation. “It’s his loss if he doesn’t like you for you,” he adds and shrugs, pulling at the loose thread of fabric on the sleeve of his sweatshirt. “If it’s not meant to be, it’s not meant to be.” 

It appears as if he wants to say more, but he stays silent, still picking at the strand of his hoodie. 

Momo purses her lips, considering his advice. “I...really appreciate that, Hitsugaya-kun,” she says, tucking her legs underneath herself, suddenly feeling a bit shy. “Thank you.”

“Whatever,” he immediately snaps, but Momo knows that his ears light up anyway. She giggles, and is comforted by this Shiro-chan, whom she knows like the back of her hand. It feels like a return to the comfortable routine they share, and she feels slightly relieved by the familiar territory.

“Just don’t be mad if he doesn’t like you because you’re a bed-wetter,” he taunts, grinning. 

She throws him a dirty look, sticking out her tongue in response. “That’s mean, Shiro-chan! That was in third grade!”

“It’s Hitsugaya! Stop with that nickname!”

“Not unless you stop saying I wet the bed!”

“But you do wet the bed!”

“Mou, Shiro-chan!”

“It’s Hitsugaya!”

They dissolve into their usual bickering, and Momo laughs freely, hoping that their friendship never changes.

…

“Um, I just—I don’t think it will work out,” Kira later tells her as he scratches the back of his head stiffly, his gaze not quite reaching hers. “Plus, I think—I don’t want to intrude,” he adds hesitantly.

Momo’s smile drops and her shoulders sag, and disappointment fills her. She had thought that the date went well, and that the two of them had a lot of fun together, sharing stories and experiences with vigor and laughter. 

“Oh,” is all she can say, twisting her bracelet around her wrist anxiously. “...Although, it’s...really not an intrusion, though,” she pauses after processing his latter statement and tilts her head up at him, ponderingly. 

He just shuffles uncomfortably, looking around the hallway. “It’s just, I don’t know—it didn’t seem like you were int—” he immediately cuts himself off as Toshiro slides into view.

“Hinamori,” the white-haired boy greets, handing her a math textbook.  

She receives the book gratefully. “Ah, thanks, Hitsugaya-kun,” she nods at her friend, “Do you need it back by tonight?”

Toshiro shakes his head. “No, keep it. I know you need it for the entire weekend.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” she whines. “Not everyone is a prodigy like you, Shiro-chan!”

“It’s Hitsugaya—”

“Uh, I should—I have to go,” Kira blurts out, gaze shifting wildly between the two arguing friends. “I—uh, nice seeing you, Momo,” he says awkwardly, before pausing to look at the other party. “And, uh, you too, Hitsugaya.”

He all but sprints down the hallway.

Momo turns to her companion, both parts bemused and downcast. “He...he said he didn’t think it would work,” she clarifies after a beat, chewing her bottom lip, staring off in the direction Kira disappeared to. “...I guess he didn’t like me after all.”

Toshiro takes in her despondent expression, and sighs. “It’s his loss, Momo,” he says gently, and reaches out to pat her on the arm, rubbing circles softly into the crook of her elbow. “If he can’t appreciate you for who you are, he doesn’t deserve you.”

She smiles at him weakly, but gratefully. “...Yeah...you’re right. Thanks, Shiro-chan,” she mutters quietly, her mouth lifting higher. 

He doesn’t comment on her use of his nickname this time, and she leans into him with a thankful grin. Although he usually pulls away and quips at her when she smothers him with physical affection, he doesn’t move when she lays her head on his shoulder.

They stay that way for a while.

-------

She doesn’t get approached again, and Momo fleetingly wonders if she is doing something wrong. She doesn’t dwell on the topic of her love life however, and spends the rest of highschool drowning in her academics, standardized testing, extracurriculars, and college applications.

Toshiro gets into Tokyo University early in their senior year on a soccer scholarship, and she rolls her eyes in irritation at the ease in which he moves through life. He wants to be a professional soccer player, and she has no doubt that he will become the best player in the country.

“Work hard, play hard,” he once tells her with a mouthful of amanatto made by his grandmother, shrugging when she asks him how he became a prodigy. “That’s the secret to success.” 

She just wrinkles her nose in response, throwing her pillow at his face. Jerk. 

Instead, she resolves to work harder and studies day and night to get into the same university, and the hard work pays off when she receives her acceptance letter in the spring. 

She is so ecstatic that she gets to move to Tokyo (oh my god, Tokyo!) to study literary journalism (her dream) and be with her best friend (to boot)! 

Toshiro doesn’t act surprised when she informs him of the good news.

“I didn’t doubt you at all,” he tells her nonchalantly, zipping up his soccer bag. She frowns a little at his indifference, but when he stands up to look at her, the silent glint of pride in his eyes warms her heart. 

The year feels like it zips by with all of the preparation and celebration activities, and she is so preoccupied that she completely forgets about prom.

“Who are you taking to prom, Momo-chan?” Rangiku, one of her closest friends, asks as she leans casually over the lunch table, swiping at one of her fries. 

“I’unno,” she answers absentmindedly, furiously crossing out and circling words on her English essay. She chews on the eraser of her mechanical pencil, anxiously scribbling out notes in the margins of the paper.

“Momo-chan! Are you even paying attention?” the busty strawberry blonde makes a grab for her pencil. “Stop editing your English homework!”

Momo swats her away, ducking away from her friend’s hands. “Rangiku!” she complains. “I need to finish this!”

“But, Momo-chan, this is serious!” her friend whines, shaking her head frantically. “You work too hard these days! When will you let loose and have a little fun?”

Exhaling in mild exasperation, Momo puts down her homework. “I need to do well in English to hopefully qualify for that scholarship,” she explains, pursing her lips. “I don’t have the money to go to Tokyo otherwise.”

Rangiku pauses in a moment of brief maturity and understanding, patting her lightly on the arm. “You will, Momo,” she says with utmost certainty. “I know you’ll be great, okay? Besides, I’m not worried about your academics, I’m worried about you becoming an old cat lady!”

The dark-haired teenager rolls her eyes heavenward at her friend’s dramatics, but she sighs anyway, deciding to humor her antics momentarily. “Okay, fine. What’s the problem?”

“Who are you taking to prom?” Rangiku repeats, leaning in even closer. 

“I don’t know,” she answers honestly, shrugging. “No one’s really asked, I guess.”

Rangiku turns to the side and mutters something that sounds suspiciously like he hasn’t asked yet? and he’s so stupid before Momo interrupts her maniacal mumbling with, “Is everything okay?”

“Yes, everything’s fine, Momo-chan, dear,” the blonde answers with gritted teeth, but Momo just raises her eyebrows, not believing a single word. 

She decides to ignore her friend’s weird behavior, changing the subject to something she’s thought about recently. “It’s been a little weird between us after that one date last year,” she taps her chin thoughtfully. “But maybe Kira-kun? I can always ask him, I guess.”

“Uh, I’m not sure,” her friend answers quickly. “I don’t think Kira is the best option—”

The conversation is interrupted by the loud thumping of textbooks onto the table, and Momo turns to see her best friend groaning as he slides into the seat next to her, dropping his head onto the pile of books. 

“Ah, Hitsugaya-kun,” she sympathizes with a pitying smile. “Finals are terrible, aren’t they?”

“Who cares about multivariable calculus anyway?” he gripes, lifting his head weakly. “Why do they have all these requirements for athletes?”

Momo scoffs lightly. “Serves you right for qualifying for an athletic and academic combined scholarship,” she chastises, resting her chin on her palm. “And for skipping the general requirements and going straight to the advanced classes!”

“Yeah, taichou,” Rangiku agrees, studying her manicured nails in barely concealed disinterest. “Serves you right for being both the soccer captain and a major nerd.”

Toshiro shoots her a dirty look, unzipping his soccer bag and pulling out a stack of papers. “Don’t think you won’t get even more paperwork now, Ms. Soccer-team-manager,” he says sternly, gloating at how pale her face becomes. “What were you guys talking about, anyway?”

Rangiku recovers rather quickly, an amused smirk forming on her face. “Oh, we were just talking about Momo-chan’s date for the prom,” she flutters her eyelashes obnoxiously, kicking him under the table.

He winces. “Oh.”

“‘Oh’?! That’s all you have to say, taichou?” Rangiku asks through a strained smile, leaning even closer to the smaller white-haired teen in intimidation.

Momo sighs, placing her chin on the palms of her hands. “I don’t know—we were saying, maybe Kira-kun? He and I have been a little weird though...I honestly don’t think anyone’s interested.”

She doesn’t notice the stare-down engaged between the two people next to her, broken when Rangiku coughs pointedly. 

“...Hinamori,” Toshiro starts, clearing his throat awkwardly. “If you want, uh, I mean,” he stumbles over his words, cursing himself in his head. He pauses, and then straightens in a sudden burst of confidence: “I’ll take you to prom.”

Momo blinks, eyes wide in surprise. She never really considered that Hitsugaya would ever want to go to prom, let alone be her date for such a “frivolous and unnecessary” event (a direct quote). “A-are you sure, Hitsugaya-kun?” she asks, with genuine concern. “I didn’t think you would want to go to prom!”

“It’s a necessary part of the highschool experience,” he reasons logically, looking everywhere but at her. “And, if you want to go, then that’s enough of a reason.”

Her jaw drops, and she takes in his heartfelt words with a wide smile. “Shiro-chan! That’s so kind!” she yells, diving forward to hug him. 

He tries to duck out of the way to no avail, his neck flushed as she squeezes the life out of him. “It’s Hitsugaya! And don’t make me take the offer back!”

“Thank you so much, Hitsugaya-kun!” she mumbles happily into his shirt, and he can feel her giddy smile through the loose fabric of his soccer jersey. The look on his face softens as he tightens his grip around her, and Rangiku fondly watches the pair of best friends with a small smile on her face. 

Stupid idiots.

...

Prom was a wild, hysterical whirlwind of events that included a group of students getting busted for bringing alcohol (likely Rangiku-related), a fistfight that started for no particular reason (the gymnasium ended up trashed), and a dramatic love confession between childhood friends—

“Wow, that was a crazy night, huh?” Momo exhales loudly, rolling her eyes at the antics of her classmates. “Rangiku really got away by the skin of her teeth.”

Toshiro crosses his arms over the tie of his tuxedo. “No, I don’t think so,” he responds with an annoyed huff, no doubt thinking of a million ways that he can punish his team manager later. “It’s because that stupid student chaperone is fond of her.”

“Well, Ichimaru-san and Rangiku go way back,” she reasons, tapping her chin thoughtfully. “I guess it makes sense that he’s fond of her.” She leans back, looking up at the twinkling of stars in the sky, her hands wound behind the back of her puffy dress. 

“Speaking of going way back…” she says slowly, feeling strangely sentimental and sappy. “I can’t believe Renji finally confessed his feelings for Rukia tonight! And in front of everyone, no less! He really waited for Kuchiki-san to graduate before the grand gesture, but her brother’s definitely going to find out now!”

Her rambling stops when she notices her companion’s lack of response. “...Hitsugaya-kun?”

He looks especially thoughtful tonight, and there is a faraway look in his eyes that she cannot quite understand. There is some hesitation in the way he moves forward to speak, but his poker face slides into place firmly before she can begin to analyze his behavior.

“It’s about time, right?” she says quickly, trying to make sense of the tense atmosphere that has just formed around them. “I think it’s weird to date your childhood friends because you grew up in diapers and all, but whatever works for them, I guess!”

He pauses, and something in his eyes dim. “Weird?”

“Yeah,” she continues, oblivious to the change in his expression. “I mean, it’d be super awkward, right? Like, think about me and you, for example. It’d be so ridiculous!”

His face closes up completely, so quickly that she doesn’t even have time to register the change. “...Yeah,” he mutters, twisting around. “It’s ridiculous.”

“Hitsugaya-kun?” Momo asks in concern, baffled by his sudden mood shift. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” he answers, his back firmly turned. “Let’s go back.” 

They walk home in silence, and Momo only remembers the icy demeanor and the feeling of something she hasn’t experienced since the day they first met—being shut out.

-------

College starts and there is a flurry of orientation and extracurricular activities and meeting new people, and Momo starts to get busier and busier.

She is on a prestigious scholarship that requires her utmost diligence (and the keeping of a certain GPA), while Toshiro is the busiest athlete in the entire city. He makes soccer captain his freshman year of college, and is thrust into tournaments, practices, and unfortunately, paperwork. 

By the start of their sophomore year, Momo starts to feel like they are drifting further and further apart, and she is briefly sad at the thought of separation. 

She finds herself missing her best friend’s presence, banter, and biting remarks, and resolves to make more of an effort to spend time with him.

“Ugh, my brain is melting,” she complains to her fellow literature classmate, Ichigo Kurosaki, as they make their way across campus. 

He laughs, slinging his backpack onto one shoulder, his other arm carrying his soccer bag. “Yeah, that midterm sucked. Royally.” Ichigo adjusts his grip on the duffel bag, cocking his head to look over at her, eyebrow raised. “You coming with?” he asks, nudging his chin towards the field.

Momo nods eagerly. “Yeah,” she answers, following his lead. “I told Hitsugaya-kun I would wait for him after practice.”

“Good. That dude needs to loosen up sometimes,” he says gruffly. “He doesn’t know how to chill out.”

She laughs at the grumpiness on his face, but she knows that the two are good friends, despite the constant insults and hostile comments. That is just how Hitsugaya Toshiro makes friends, she guesses.

As they approach the edge of the soccer field, Momo spots the captain casually leaning against the goal post, his hands in his pockets.

“Ah, Hitsuga—” she starts excitedly, but immediately stops and freezes when a black-haired girl comes into view, tossing a soccer ball up and down. The girl says something that makes Toshiro startle, and he retorts back, which makes her giggle up at him. He makes a move to lean down a little closer, and Momo abruptly turns away, unable to keep watching.

Acid burns her throat, and she swallows painfully, her heart thundering in her ears. A million questions rush through her mind. Who is she? Why are they so friendly? When did this happen? And most importantly: Why does it hurt so much?

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Ichigo asks in concern, when he realizes that his companion has suddenly stopped walking. 

“I—It’s nothing,” she manages to stammer out, trying to collect her thoughts and emotions. Toshiro has never even mentioned a girl being in his life before, in all of the years that she had known him. Or maybe he was really good at hiding it? Maybe she didn’t know him that well after all. And why did she care so much? 

Ugh, she was rambling in her own mind!

“Oh, hey, it’s Karin,” Ichigo’s eyes light up in recognition as he follows her gaze. “She’s my little freshman sister, but she’s real good at soccer, that squirt. They’re pretty good friends now,” he explains, gesturing to the two people on the field.

“Oh,” she says, and bites her lip. 

They are good friends. 

Huh. 

Ichigo immediately notices her less-than-enthusiastic response, studying her out of the corner of his eye. “Mo,” he calls out, hesitantly. “...You good?”

The genuine concern in his voice snaps her out of it, and Momo forces a smile onto her face. “Yeah, everything’s fine!” she tries to stay upbeat, but the smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “Uh, I’m actually gonna head back instead, if that’s okay. I’m feeling a bit tired.”

He only looks more concerned at her sudden need to leave. “Wait, you sure? I’m sure the captain would be happy to see you—”

“No, no,” she shakes her head quickly. “I’ll—uh, come by another day! He—he seems busy, anyway.”

At this, Ichigo just seems confused. “Nah, you know it’s not like that, right? Toshiro would love to see you—”

But Momo can’t take hearing anymore, and she just bolts, waving goodbye to her friend. “Sorry, Ichigo! I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

As she flies out of campus in the direction of her dorm, she bites her lip to keep the frustrated tears from forming at the corners of her eyes. The sight of her building finally allows her to slow down, and she belatedly realizes that her hands had formed fists so tight that her fingernails had dug into her palm. 

That was not a normal reaction, she tells herself in irritation. That was not a normal reaction to seeing your friend with someone else. 

The thought of losing Toshiro, of having his priorities shift to someone else more important in his life, absolutely terrifies her. She sniffles, angry at herself. This is so selfish; this is so stupid!

She cannot take up his time, his life, his livelihood, like that. She is just his childhood friend, and who can expect to always keep one’s childhood friend as the first and only priority in their life?

Who did she think she was, his girlfriend? 

That would be...it would be…it would be—

Her mouth drops open.

—exactly what she wanted.

And it finally dawns on Momo how she feels—how she had felt her entire life, likely—about her best friend, Hitsugaya Toshiro. 

No, no, no, no—this cannot be happening, she starts to panic, the tears rushing back. I can’t possibly—no, it’s not possible.

She slaps herself silly, exhaling heavily at the implication of her own thoughts. She refuses to let this happen. She refuses to ruin a perfectly good and fine relationship with her own stupid, and probably fleeting, feelings.

Suddenly resolute, she shakes her head to clear her mind. This will not deter her, and she will find a way to move forward without getting stuck.

…

Momo manages to weave and bob her way through the rest of the semester, avoiding him whenever she can and making excuse after excuse after excuse.

She decides to keep some distance between them to clear her mind, and hopefully stomp out the remnants of feelings she has recently discovered. (Spoiler alert: It doesn’t work).

It is their winter break when she visits her hometown, and subsequently meets up with one of her oldest friends.

“Hey, Momo-chan, I’ve been meaning to ask,” Rangiku trails off, clearly trying to pick her words carefully. “Are...you and taichou okay?”

Momo tenses up briefly, but the moment passes as soon as it comes. “Yeah, why?” she asks nonchalantly, painting her pinky toe nail a delicate shade of green.

“I dunno, uh,” her friend responds untactfully, stumbling over her own words. “He’s just, uh, upset, I guess? Or just in a really bad mood lately, but you can’t always tell with taichou, haha!” Her laugh is strained, and Momo rolls her eyes at the blonde’s inability to navigate sensitive topics.

“I’ve just been really busy,” she responds curtly, effectively cutting off the topic. Rangiku studies her with a hesitant glance, and Momo can feel the weight of her pointed gaze. She just sighs, stopping her ministrations to look up at her friend. “It’s just complicated, okay?”

The strawberry blonde pouts, stretching herself closer on the bed. “Momo, you know you can always talk to me about it, right?”

“Yes,” she replies, swallowing lightly. It is still hard to talk about, but Momo knows she can’t avoid the topic forever. “It’s just—I don’t know! Hitsugaya-kun is suddenly out here, with his stupid soccer talent, and stupid hair, and stupid height—did you even realize that he’s grown so tall? Ugh, it’s frustrating!” she throws her hands up, rambling with a vehement passion. “And he’s so popular now! And he has so many friends? And the girls—don’t even get me started—I don’t even know what’s going on anymore!”

Rangiku blanches at her rant, surprised. “W-what?”

“Maybe I’m just lonely!” she continues her tirade, much too heated to notice her friend’s reaction. “I just want to go out and live! And maybe date! Is that so much to ask for?”  

“Well, all you do is study, and when you’re not studying, you’re spending time with him,” Rangiku explains pragmatically, but the cheshire grin is hovering underneath her desperate attempt to keep a straight face. “It’s not exactly conducive to meeting anyone else.”

And for once, she...has a point. Momo considers this, pursing her lips thoughtfully. “...Yeah, you’re actually right,” she draws out slowly, chewing on her bottom lip. “I...I think I know what to do.”

“Great!” Rangiku cheers. “Finally!”

…

“Momo, are you sure about this?” Orihime Inoue asks dubiously, anxiously scanning the room filled with chattering students. “I don’t know why I agreed to do this...blind dating thing.”

“Of course, ‘hime!” she responds enthusiastically, although the anxiety is rolling around in her gut. She pumps her fist to encourage herself, even though her nervous mind is frantically telling her to leave and never come back. “We have to put ourselves out there!”

Her friend peeks out from behind her apprehensively, gnawing at her lip. “I—I really don’t know, Momo—”

“No! You need to get over that highschool crush of yours!” she cuts her off defiantly. She had met Orihime, who is currently working as a pastry chef in culinary school, at her local bakery last year. The two had become fast friends, especially with Momo’s penchant for peach tarts and watermelon milk tea. 

“He’s really not—he’s not like that—” Orihime protests, before sighing in defeat. “Alright, you’re right,” she acquiesces, the fire lighting in her eyes. “Let’s do this!”

“Yeah!” 

As the two of them turn towards the congregated group of people, a male student lightly taps Orihime on the shoulder. “I haven’t seen you around before,” he casually compliments, his eyes lightly roaming her body. “You from around here?”

She stiffens, waving her hands in polite and mildly nervous frenzy. “Oh, no! I’m a culinary student at the Tokyo School of Culinary Arts,” she clarifies, wincing when he reaches over to pat her shoulder. “I don’t go to Tokyo University.”

“Ah, a chef? That’s nice—”

“Inoue?”

Three heads turn to see Ichigo’s surprised face, and a scowl slowly forms when understanding of the situation dawns in his eyes. The boy in between them pales and retracts his hand, excusing himself quickly.

“Kurosaki-kun?” Orihime gasps, clearly in shock. “W-what are you doing here?”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Momo interjects, shaking her head to make sense of the entire scene. “You guys know each other?”

“Ah, yes,” the orange-haired girl says quickly, meeting her gaze nervously. “W-we went to Karakura highschool together,” she explains to Momo, her eyes widened with guilt and a tint of shame. 

They...went to highschool together? Momo briefly remembers the description of the “oblivious delinquent jerk who is too stupid to recognize Orihime’s feelings” from one blunt Tatsuki Arisawa.

She immediately puts two and two together, and her jaw drops in realization. “It’s Ichigo?!” she whispers loudly, her gaze piercing in faux accusation. 

Orihime nods quickly, her cheeks flaming red, and Momo facepalms, groaning into her hand. How is it that she has known both of these idiots for almost two years and not put the pieces together earlier? 

“Inoue,” the ignored man in question steps in, a frown firmly settled on his features. “What are you doing here?”

“She’s here for the blind dating event, Ichigo,” Momo indignantly answers for her, when the girl pinks in distress, and gestures around at all the informational signs. “Isn’t it obvious?”

The frown only deepens, his brows pinched. “I didn’t think you would come to something like this.”

Orihime only shrinks in response, looking down at her feet. “I just—um—”

“She doesn’t have to justify herself to you,” Momo cuts in, suddenly annoyed by his insinuation. 

His eyebrows shoot up, and he holds up both hands defensively. “Hey, I’m not trying to ask for justification,” he clarifies, looking troubled. “It’s just—guys can be gross, I guess. I’m just trying to protect—ah, I don’t want to overstep my boundaries.” Ichigo rubs his face, clearly frustrated with himself. “Sorry, Inoue.”

“No, no, no,” she immediately responds, reaching out to touch his arm kindly. “I—I really do appreciate it, Kurosaki-kun.” 

His lips twist up, but his forehead remains pinched. “I—uh,” he starts, before cutting himself off with an irritated frown. “Inoue, can we—could you make some time to talk? With me?” he asks instead, a hesitant tilt to his words, but a resolute glint shining in his eyes.

She studies him fondly, her hand still lightly resting on his arm. “Yeah,” she meets his gaze, staring up at him. “Yeah, I can.” 

Momo observes the pair, rolling her eyes at her good friends in exasperation. These two were idiotic to think anything was ever unrequited, she thinks, but she was nevertheless happy for them. 

“Hey, and you,” Ichigo shifts his attention suddenly to her, a look of disapproval forming on his brow. “It’s unfortunate that the soccer team had to have some business in the area today. He’s not gonna be happy about this, you know.”

“What? Who’s not gonna be happy—”

“Hinamori?”

At the sound of that painfully familiar voice, Momo stops, turning to her side to see the one and only white-haired man of the hour, stalking over towards her with an unhappy glower etched onto his face.

“Speak of the devil,” Ichigo mutters under his breath. 

“What are you doing here?” the soccer captain looks especially agitated, and Momo blinks at the unexpected hostility emanating from his aura. 

“What do you mean, Hitsugaya-kun?” she argues back, upset by his tone. “I’m clearly at a blind-dating event!” She points to the nearby signs again, annoyed at the men in her life’s inabilities to read.

“And, just why, pray tell, are you at a blind-dating event?” he questions, a brow raised.

She bristles at the judgmental lilt in his voice. “I’m just trying to put myself out there! It’s not anything you’ve ever had to worry about, anyway!”

He reels back in confusion. “What are you talking about?” he asks, before he registers her statement. “Why are you trying to put yourself out there?”

“Maybe I just want to!” Momo fiercely deflects, defending her pride. “You don’t have to police me just because we’re childhood friends! You can do other things and meet other people too!”

“What are you even talking about?” he spits back, angry and bewildered. “Do you hear yourself? You’re being ridiculous!”

Ichigo and Orihime exchange looks of alarm. Oh no, he said the wrong thing, Orihime mouths to the fellow victim of the argument taking place. Ichigo only nods, frightened, slowly backing away from the two arguing friends.

“Ridiculous? Ridiculous?!” she enunciates furiously, clearly insulted. “I’m being ridiculous, Shiro-chan? I’m an adult, and I can do whatever I want! And that includes dating however many people I want!”

“It’s Hitsugaya,” he snaps back acerbically, almost on impulse. “Just because you’re feeling lonely and undesirable, doesn’t mean you can just go out and shamelessly do whatever you want!”

Orihime and Ichigo freeze. Uh oh. This is bad. This is really bad. They look at each other in unbridled horror.

“...You think I’m lonely and undesirable and shameless…?” Momo whispers, her eyes hidden underneath her bangs. Her body shakes in hot fury, and she cannot help the tears that form at the corner of her eyes.

Just as soon as he says the words, Toshiro pales, aghast. He looks horrified at himself, reaching forward to apologize. “M-Momo, I—I didn’t mean—”

When she looks up, the pain and hurt in the weight of her gaze hits him like a slap to the face. “I don’t want to see you ever again,” she says quietly, and sprints forward, disappearing out of the crowd.

She doesn’t even have time to register the miserable agony that flashes on Toshiro’s face.

...

“I’m really sorry to bother you on your day off,” Momo expresses remorsefully, cupping her hot cup of tea with tight hands.

“Oh, no, don’t worry,” Rukia immediately replies, waving her apology off. “My brother said I needed to rest, anyway.” She pulls a chair up to the table, leaning her chin on her knuckles. “What’s going on, Momo?”

Momo stares down at her tea, tears welling up in her eyes. She is tired of all the avoiding, pretending, and hiding. She chews at her lip, making a decision within herself, before looking up and meeting Rukia’s eyes with a watery gaze. “I—I think I’m in love with Hitsugaya-kun.”

Rukia listens patiently as she details the sequence of events from beginning to end, starting with college orientation and the feeling of drifting and the revelation of jealousy, to Rangiku’s advice and the speed dating and the biggest fight they have perhaps ever had.

“And now, I find out that Hitsugaya-kun thinks I’m lonely and undesirable and shameless,” she whimpers, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. “I am lonely and shameless—but undesirable? Hitsugaya-kun thinks I’m undesirable,” she says, her voice hollow. 

“Momo, no—that’s not true—”

“Yes, it is!” she asserts fiercely, slumping down onto the table. “I’ve never had a boyfriend—even in highschool, Kira-kun didn’t even want to date me after asking me out, and no one wanted to go to prom with me! And then in college, I don’t even think boys cared enough to even look at me—oh, no—he’s right! I am undesirable!”

“W-what?” And suddenly, Rukia is doubled over laughing, so hard that she almost falls off of her chair.

“And I’m—wait, Rukia—why are you laughing?!” Momo asks angrily, vaguely offended by her friend’s laughter at her vulnerability. 

Huffing and wheezing, Rukia finally manages to calm her guffawing enough to speak. “Momo,” she starts mirthfully, wiping at her eyes. “You really have no idea, do you?”

“What?” she frowns, confused. “What do I have no idea about?”

“It’s not what you think,” her friend continues, amused. “Kira didn’t back out because he didn’t like you. He thought you weren’t interested.”

Momo’s brows furrow. “And why would he think that?”

“Because on that date you went on, all you did was talk about Hitsugaya!” Rukia throws her hands up, looking dramatically weary. “Kira thought you guys were a thing then!”

“O-oh, what?” she stutters, bewildered by her friend’s straightforward statement, her cheeks flushing a rosy pink. “I—I didn’t even realize—”

“Oh, and none of the boys dared to ask you out on a date, or to prom,” Rukia carries on, still in good humour. “Because Hitsugaya was totally in love with you, and it was bro code to leave you alone. Plus, he can be kinda scary and overprotective sometimes,” she adds in afterthought. 

Momo’s only response is a wide-eyed gaze of shock.

“That obviously carried on into college, because Ichigo tells me that the entire soccer team knows of his undying love for you,” she goes on, clearly finding the entire situation hilarious. “He’s not exactly subtle about it, Momo.”

He...was in love with her? There was no way. Momo’s head is spinning, and she collapses backwards into her chair, trying to digest these new pieces of information.

“I thought—I,” she blubbers, winded. “I thought he would never think of me that way—”

“Momo,” Rukia says gently, patting her arm lightly in support and encouragement. “Go to him.”

…

Momo trudges home in a daze, still flabbergasted by the epiphany bestowed upon her by her good friend. She reaches her dorm hallway, eyes still unfocused, when she startles to a halt.

Toshiro stands in front of her door, pale and subdued, and she can see the bags sunken under his eyes. “Hinamori, I—” 

She raises a hand to stop him, her lower lip trembling. “...I’m sorry, Hitsugaya-kun.”

He looks shocked. “W-what? Why—”

“I was selfish,” she confesses, finally letting out what has been bothering her since the beginning. “I overreacted, because I was hurt. I was hurt, because I thought you would leave me and move on. I was afraid and selfish, and I lashed out and said all of those things I didn’t mean,” she sniffled.

He reaches out right away, wiping a tear from her cheek. “Don’t cry, Momo, please—”

Her eyes brim with more tears instead, and she whimpers at his touch. He has always hated her tears. He has always been so good to her—how could she not notice? Always protecting her, caring for her, being there for her—always at the edge of her life, waiting and waiting and waiting to be allowed to enter her heart. 

“Hitsugaya-kun, I—” she barely holds back a sob, launching forward into his arms, no longer able to be away from him. “—I love you.”

The arms around her stiffen abruptly. She stays stubbornly put, burying her face into his chest. 

When she gathers the courage to detach herself slowly and look up at his expression, she sees a deep and naked and tender affection, the most emotion he has ever allowed himself to show, in his turquoise eyes.

“Momo, you—” he murmurs, and there is almost (almost!) giddy disbelief in his voice. “It isn’t...ridiculous?”

She blinks, and suddenly, the memory floods back. Her mouth drops open, and she looks up at him with guilt and remorse. “Oh, Hitsugaya-kun,” she says, rubbing circles into his back in silent apology. “I’m sorry. It’s not ridiculous at all.”

“I don’t think you were being ridiculous, either,” he admits softly, touching her forehead gently with his. “I’m sorry.”

She sniffs, suddenly overcome with feelings of happiness and contentment and peace. “I love you, Shiro-chan.”

“I have always loved you, bed-wetter Momo,” he responds, voice thick with pent-up emotion and longing. 

She laughs, her breath tickling his face.

“I’m going to kiss you now, Hinamori,” he warns with a rare smile.

Momo eagerly meets him halfway, and their lips meet in an open-mouthed kiss, languid and sweet and whole, and it feels like home.

“Mm, Shiro-chan,” she moans, gripping his neck as he pushes her against the door of her dorm. She backs up and stumbles over something, causing both of them to fall over.

“Wha—” she looks over at what she tripped on, spotting a basket of peaches toppled onto the hallway floor. “What is this?”

Toshiro looks pointedly away from her, his neck and ears flushed red.

“Is this...for me?” she asks, pinching his cheeks fondly. “You’re so sweet, Shiro-chan!”

“It’s Hitsugaya!” he swats at her and scowls in complaint, completely out of habit and embarrassment. 

She laughs freely for the first time in a while, leaning in to press her smile into his shoulder. This is the beginning of the rest of their lives, she thinks as she teases him, the couple bickering and giggling on the floor of her dorm hallway.

She can only hope that it lasts forever and ever.

.

And it does. 

In this lifetime and beyond.

.

—fin.

[alexiethymia]

Hi :> I'm the one who posted about the Lieutenant's shuffle. I finished that sub story already.

Toshiro and Momo's mission was to investigate a region with the increased reports of hollows. Momo was so happy she's with her Shiro. Toshiro was the usual with his "It's Captain Hitsugaya!". Then Toshiro was being the tsundere he is by going don't be too laxed we're on a mission, we have to focus. Momo reminded him that she's a lieutenant. Then they sensed the hollow. I bet he was real happy cus Momo was like "Yes, Sir!" when he said "Let's go!" as they faced the hollows. Then the day ended with them finishing the documents and Toshiro worried over the next troubles Rangiku could cause with the WEEK LONG shuffle. Momo was like "I think it'll be okay..." HAHA and yes, a week long shuffle HAHAHA

When the week ended, Rangiku told her captain that she was in the 4th division. She was actually good help compared to the first Lieutenant's shuffle (because she and Shunsui just drank), but Captain Unohana was happy with her help. It really helped. Problem was she ended up becoming too close to them that she told Toshiro that she has drinking plans with them for that night HAHAHA The ending was Toshiro being stressed as per usual HAHAHAHA

Ohhhhh thank you so much for posting it!! Made me super happy to know there was a time Hitsugaya and Hinamori did work together, and perhaps even fought together. Rangiku makes a good fit for Squad 4 actually! Since she’s so caring. And I really thought that she’d also somehow end up in Kyoraku’s squad and they’d end up drinking together (Glad to be proven right!)

I’m pretty sure Hitsugaya was secretly proud inside to show off his captain-side to Momo, while Momo was just plain proud of her Shiro-chan, even as they were both worrying about Rangiku haha. On the admin side, they would work together well since they’re both hardworking and take care of their paperwork (hence they’re a good fit for Rangiku and Hirako respectively), but in the long-run I think Toshiro would always be a little worried about Momo in battle, even if as she’s pointed out, she’s also a lieutenant. That’s why I’m really glad for stories like these. They actually make me want to play Bleach Brave Souls too! Thanks for posting screenshots and telling me all about what happened!

[rays-of-fire-and-ice]

On the Shoreline

Hitsuhina Week: Day 6 - Something beautiful / Waves

Prompts: Waves, stars, vacation together

Rating: K/General but with mild themes

Setting: some time after the No Breaths From Hell oneshot

Synopsis: Upon Momo’s suggestion, Toshiro joins her and a group for a break at a seaside town. However, with his mind is heavy with recent revelations, he wonders why they are all there.

AN: Once again, I’m writing something for both @yearoftheotpevent's challenge and Hitsuhina Week.

This really started as one thing and completely transformed into something else! I was intending to do a short piece about Toshiro and Momo taking some time to relax at a beach, but nope, the angst had to get in there and not only make this fic longer, but change the whole story.

Do I think the Shinigami would actual do this after the events of the No Breaths From Hell one shot? Nope, but I wanted to try it out anyway.

In terms of music while listening I can recommend (in no particular order): Recollection 1-3 , World #07 Blues, going home, and compassion by Shiro Sagisu from the BLEACH osts, And She Translated into Sky by Levi Patel (Spotify or YT) , and Skel and Andra by Sigur Ros (Spotify or YT). If I had to recommend when to listen to these songs, I only three I feel strongly about are listening to And She Translated into Sky, Skel, and Andra in the last section of the fic, where Toshiro and Momo are walking on the beach ;)

Hope you all enjoy it!

__________________________________

Toshiro watches the heat sizzle on the horizon. Despite the sweat dripping down his temple, he doesn’t wave the uchiwa with any vigor. Eventually, he glares at the few clouds in the sky, all too far away to block the sun.

“Why did they have to pick a damn beach of all places?” he grumbles.

He tries to ignore the commotion going on inside, where everyone is trying to decide who is going to stay in which room. He should be in there, but it’ll only irritate him further, and for once it wouldn't just be from everyone’s usual antics and pointless arguing.

It had been a two months, but how can they all be acting like this after what happened?

He tilts his head down and waves his fan faster. He knows everyone has their ways of coping with things, but he'd have thought there would still be some discussion about what happened, even if it was only in passing. Why does it feel like he's the only one stuck on the revelations that came?

The door slides open and Rangiku pokes her head out, looking to the left, and then meeting his gaze when she swivels her head to the right. “There you are! What’re you doing out here?”

Toshiro pushes himself off the wall. “Are you all done in there?” he asks dryly.

“Yeah, everything is sorted.” She grins as if all the arguing hadn’t just occurred. “You know it’s cooler inside, right? When did you leave?”

“Doesn’t matter. Which room am I in?”

Rangiku huffs and steps out of the foyer, closing the door behind her. “I get that it’s hot, Captain, but you really need to relax.”

“I only came because they needed someone to supervise all of you.” That’s not entirely true, and she knows it. It had been Momo who invited him, Rangiku and Granny who encouraged him to accept, and Shunsui who had assigned him and Rukia with watching over everyone – all the while grinning and lamenting that it had been over a decade since Toshiro had a proper holiday in the World of the Living.

“It’s lucky we came at the very beginning of summer, there’s more rooms and not a whole lot of people on the beaches around here. You’ll be able to use Hyourinmaru to your heart’s content.”

“For all of you, you mean.”

“Oh, Captain, don’t be so cruel, I know you’ll use it more for yourself than anyone else!” He goes to rebut while she rummages through her short’s pocket, but he stops when pulls out a key and hands it to him. “Besides, I did a good thing for you! Like you requested, you’ll have a room to yourself with aircon.”

Oh, thank goodness.

“It’s between Madarame and Yumichika’s room and Abarai and Kuchiki’s rooms.”

He wilts. As if the heat isn't bad enough.

_________________________________

Walking into the First Division's main hall, he’s reminded of the days during and after the Quincy invasion. Most of the captains had arrived, but the usual chatter and carrying on is absent.

Iba, who stands closest to the entrance, is the only one who acknowledges his arrival. “Captain Hitsugaya,” he says with a nod.

Toshiro does the same in return as he walks past. "Iba"

Kensei, his arms folded tightly over his chest, leans against a wall next to Shinji, who’s gaze is off to the side, lost in thought. Sui Feng paces from one corner of the room to the other, each time passing Isane, who looks flatly at the ground. Lisa stands in another corner, reading one of her books, her face hidden from view.

Kenpachi, surprisingly on time for once, stands near the meeting hall’s closed doors, his back turned. As Toshiro approaches though, he shifts to look down at him. He grunts in greeting, and looks away. It’s somehow both like him and uncharacteristic of him to act in such a way.

Byakuya and Rukia both arrive, and the quiet discussion they’d been having before dies as soon as they enter the hall. Like him, they’re only greeted by Iba and try to find a place to stand. Byakuya glances at Toshiro and gives a nod. He returns the gesture, and watches as Byakuya and Rukia choose stand next to Isane, who barely manages a smile to Rukia. Both look like they want to say something, but neither speaks.

Toshiro chooses his place, standing near the meeting hall’s entrance but away from Kenpachi. He folds his arms into his sleeves and keeps his gaze on the main hall’s entrance.

The air is tense, and the silence quietly rings in Toshiro’s ears. It’s only broken when Rose and then Mayuri arrive.

The latter starts to speak – what he says Toshiro doesn’t pay attention to but it's enough to make Sui Feng stop and say somethign back to him. Their impending argument is interrupted when the meeting hall’s doors finally open.

Shunsui stands on the other side, his usual smile and casual air nowhere to be seen. Everyone files in and takes their place in the hall. Despite the solemnness of their movements, Toshiro can feel the urgency among them.

They need to discuss what happened. They need answers. How do they stop this? How many of their own had they sent to Hell over these centuries? When would their new enemy next strike? What can they do to defend themselves?

What if this conflict doesn't end like the others? What if they die? What is they have to face their own?

_________________________________

“Let’s go get some ice cream.”

Toshiro blinks out of his revere and lifts his head from his propped-up hand. Momo stands beside the table, smiling and holding a straw hat. He hadn’t even sensed her coming into the lobby.

When the small table fan propels back in his direction, sending a welcomed gust of cold air over his face, he remembers to speak. “Aren’t you going shopping with Matsumoto?”

“Yes, but you should come along too. We can grab some ice cream before we go.”

He scoffs. “Forget it.”

Momo puts her hands on her hips. “Honestly, Hitsugaya-kun, you haven’t left this inn once since we got here!”

“We’ve only been here for a day, dummy.”

“Even so! Don’t you want to see what it’s like around here? It’s been a long time since any of us have been to a new location in the World of the Living.” At his blank stare, she sighs and drops the hand holding her hat to her side while the other points to the left. “At least come out and get some ice cream then. There’s a stall down just down the street.” Then, with a rueful smile. “Besides, you know how long it can take Rangiku-san to get ready.”

He almost lets a chuckle out. He rolls his eyes to the ceiling. Even when not looking at her, he can sense Momo’s persistence. She’s always been stubborn, and he’ll never understand why it always came out whenever it involved getting him to go to places he's never been.

He exhales, making a sound between a groan and a sigh. “Fine.”

To his surprise, Momo doesn’t reach out and grab him to drag him outside and down the street. She puts her hat on, waits for him to stand and leads the way out, patient with his slower and sluggish movements. Before leaving the table, Toshiro grabs his uchiwa.

As soon as they step outside, he considers turning back. It’s hotter than this morning, and there isn’t a cloud in sight to cover the sun.

Momo senses his hesitation and gestures towards a stall a short distance away. “It’s just down there.”

Logically, he knows it’s less than a two minute walk to the stall, but did he really want to make the journey?

“I’m pretty sure they have a peppermint flavor.”

That doesn’t really sell him, but he’ll pretend it does. With more irritation than he intends, he grouses, “Let’s just go.”

Thankfully, Momo doesn’t take it personally and giggles. “You really like peppermint, huh?”

“It’s one of the few good flavors for ice cream.”

“Mango and strawberry are good too.”

He only grunts.

Their shoes clack against the pavement, and where possible they stick to the shade of trees and awnings of shops. Save for the few passing cars, the singing of the cicada, and the distant crashing waves, it’s quiet. There are only a few others outside, going about their daily lives.

He fans himself as they walk, but it doesn’t cool him down much. Heat radiates from pavement through to the soles of his shoes, and a sweat is building on his brow. The humans and Momo walk around as if nothing is wrong. How can they stand this heat?

The gust of warm wind certainly doesn’t help matters. It does, however, make him aware of Momo’s hat. On one side of the hat’s band, there’s a cluster of small flowers, coloured different shades of pink and cream, and two short cords a sparkling bead on each end sway to and fro across the brim. It looks like something she would personally pick out, she always had an inclination towards clothes with floral designs on them.

He had picked some of his clothes the week before the trip, but the rest were chosen by Rangiku. He always had an inclination towards darker colours – like the navy blue tank top and grey shorts he wears now - while she always seemed to find the right balance in brighter colours for him. For all of her faults when it came to going nuts on clothes shopping, she always knows what fashionable clothes to buy.

“The others want to go to the beach later,” Momo says. “Are you going to come along? Or is it too hot for you?”

He waves a dismissive hand. “Is Kuchiki going?"

"Yes."

"Then I’ll stay back, she can supervise."

He almost goes back on his word at her saddened frown. “Well, it’s supposed to cooler tomorrow," she says. "You’ll come then, right?”

He can't say 'no'. “Sure.”

Once they’re at the stall, he relishes the chill emanating from the glass display and the cool wind of the fan whirling behind the counter. There’s not too many flavours to choose from, mostly just the popular ones.

Momo pouts. “Ah, it’s a shame they ran out of strawberry.”

He points to the mango flavour. “You could just get that.”

She shrugs. “Maybe, but I like to have two different flavous when I can. What do you think would go well with mango?”

Toshiro considers, perusing each flavour. Eventually, he points to the best one he can think of.

Momo snorts, her fingers pressing over lips in an attempt to suppress a giggle. She fails miserably at his incredulous look.

“What’s so funny?” he asks.

“I’m sorry, it’s just…Peach?”

“It’s sweet, so is the mango.”

“But…did you pick it because of that reason or because it reminds you of -- ?” She starts giggling again.

Why are his cheeks burning? No, this won’t do. He’d honestly picked it because he thought the two would work together. “As if I’d picked it for that reason! We’re not children anymore!”

Realising the commotion they’re causing, and sensing the growing queue behind them, Toshiro is quick to order his two scoops of peppermint ice cream in a cup and storms off to the side, waiting for Momo under the shadow of a table’s umbrella.

Trying to ignore the stares of a few of the humans, he takes the small plastic spoon and digs in. He’s pleasantly surprised; it’s one of the better ice creams he’s had, and it’s quite cold. Gradually, with each spoonful, it has the effect of both cooling him and his annoyance down.

Did she really think he chose peach because of her name? Did it remind her of when they were kids and he’d only remember to buy peaches when she was there? That hadn’t happened since they were very young.

Momo joins him almost a minute later, and they set off back to the inn. She takes a spoonful of each scoop, and he’s about to grumble about the fact she went for his suggestion in the end until she cringes.

Her whole face scrunches up and she makes a sounds between a yelp and a gasp. For a second, he fears she’s hurt. "Wha--?"

"It’s really cold!"

Now it’s his turn to hold in a chuckle. He too fails, and he doesn’t do anything to stop it, even as she complains.

“Oooh! You knew, didn’t you?”

 “Yeah,” he chortles.

“Just because you have a tolerance for the cold!”

“You’re being childish, Hinamori.”

“I could say the same for you, Shiro-chan. You could’ve warned me!”

“That’s ‘Captain Hitsugaya’, Hinamori.”

Feeling he got the last word in, he smirks and slowly eats his ice cream right in front of her. She half glares at him. It’s not long before she lets out a huff, and what little irritation she had leaves her. "It's not a big deal, I'll just have to take smaller bites, and at least it tastes good.”

They continue on the pavement. Despite her bravado before, she still hestiates when she scoops up smaller bits of ice cream and eats them. He smirks, but otherwise doesn't tease her like before.

For the first time since he got here, he feels himself easing a little, and he looks to the source. Momo always has this effect on him at certain moments, where it was just the two of them and no one would be interrupting them. Maybe it’s seeing her this relaxed and content, it makes him want to be the same. Even as they were at the stall and browsing the ice cream flavours, he didn’t feel the usual apprehension to interacting with the person behind the counter – an old habit from his day in Junrinan, he’d realized years ago – because she was there with him.

It's not enough to lighten his mind of the thoughts that weigh him down, but they don’t churn in his head like waves in a stormy sea. He could put into words what has been bothering him. He could tell her right now, and maybe he’d be lighter. Maybe she’d already know and understand, because maybe she is still thinking about these things too.

“Hinamori…” He trails off when she looks over her shoulder at him. Momo walks in front of him in bright and colourful clothes, nothing like the uniform she takes pride in. She cradles the cup of mango and peach ice cream that’s already starting to melt. Her cheeks are flushed – or sunburned, he dreads – and up until now she’d been smiling. The little flowers and cord on her hat flutter in the wind, small and strangely fragile.

He walks past her. “Forget about it.”

She quickly comes in front of him and asks, “What is it?”

It’s rare for her to prod. Had he detected a hint of desperation in her voice? Had she noticed something in him and had been wanting to ask? He wouldn’t put it past her, she and Rangiku both have that uncanny ability to sense when he’s off kilter even when he doesn’t show it.

But now is not the time to tell her.

“Just make sure Matsumoto doesn’t spend too much, she could end up using Division funds.”

He maintains a stoic exterior in the face of her small, unconvincing smile. “Of course.”

_________________________________

A stick of incense had already been lit; someone else had visited Jushiro's gave before him. It won’t be long before it’s completely burnt out.

Toshiro makes his prays while the incense still burns, putting his hands together, closing his eyes, and bowing his head.

But what can he say? No words or sentiments come to mind. Not even hopes or wishes.

He does, however, recall a few memories of Jushiro. The first of when he first met the older captain; his long, white hair was tied back and he looked less pale than when Toshiro last saw him. He remembers the bags under his eyes getting progressively more prominent, and his absence from meetings becoming more frequent. At some point, the hair tie disappeared. His smile and optimism though, that only vanished in dire situations, but they always returned with as much mirth and sincerity as soon as the problem has been resolved.

How sharply those two things stood in contrast to what had transpired at this very spot.

Toshiro recalls with a repressed shiver the Jigoku no Rinki that had floated in the air around the grave just a week ago. A sign that the balance had been tipped, that Hell held enough power to break the peace. And they gave them that power. It was the price they all paid for becoming as strong as they did. This was the price they paid for allowing Aizen to grow as powerful as he did, and for imprisoning him when he was one of the beings keeping the balance from tipping. The irony sickens him.

He opens his eyes. Why is he here? Could Jushiro even hear prayers from where he is?

To think Souls like Jushiro are ending up there, fighting against all of it’s creatures and victims. He had no way of warning them of what they’ve been doing all of these centuries. What had he endured?

He can't keep the other possibility from turning over in his mind, and it makes his stomach churn. What if he isn't fighting against the creatures of Hell, but had become one of them?

Ichigo had told the captains what he'd seen who he'd fought against. Amongst his recollections was Sogyo no Kotowari, but the description he gave was not like the bankai Toshiro knew. It sounded warped and elongated to the point of being unnatural. He’s certain Hell had altered the former captain in more than just his bankai. How much has his appearance changed? Would he recognize Jushiro if saw him?

And not for the first time, Toshiro wonders if he will have to cross blades with him.

_________________________________

“Goodnight, sir,” Rangiku says while leaning on Momo and Hisagi. “Call if you need anything.”

Toshiro, his back turned to her, rolls his eyes to the ceiling. “We’re back at the inn, Matsumoto. Why would I need to call you?”

Rangiku giggles. “I didn’t mean on the phone!”

Momo laughs nervously. “But then he’d wake up everyone else, Rangiku-san.”

Rangiku considers for a moment, her head swaying from one side to the other. “…Oh yeah.”

“You sure drank a lot, huh?” Hisagi says.

“Hey, you drank too!” Rangiku retorts.

He chuckles. “Yeah, but not as much as you!”

Even in the dark, Toshiro can see the flush in his lieutenant and the Ninth Division's cheeks. He knows for Rangiku it's the sake, but for Hisagi it's a guess between the alcohol or from being that close to Rangiku.

Why am I even paying attention to this? Toshiro wonders.

Mercifully, they reach Momo and Rangiku’s room.

“Thank you again for paying for dinner, Captain Hitsugaya,” Hisagi says with a bow of his head.

Momo smiles at Toshiro. “Yes, thank you Hitsu – Captain Hitsugaya.” She waves her free hand. “Goodnight, and sleep well.”

Toshiro gives her a half-hearted wave back and half turns away.

Hisagi opens their door and helps Momo get Rangiku into the room as she groans about having drank too much. He comes out a few seconds later, closing the door behind him and walking into the room just opposite.

Toshiro remains in the hallway after Hisagi shuts his door. Save for a few shuffles in Momo and Rangiku’s room, the faint snoring from Ikkaku and Yumichika’s room down the hall, and the waves crashing in the distance, it’s dead quiet.

He should go to bed, but goes back the way he came, coming down to the ground floor and then out into the back courtyard. There are tables and chairs scattered throughout, some with umbrellas and others not. Beyond them, a railing lines a wooden deck that extends out to give a view of the main beach in the distance. Beneath him, only the streetlights, outdoor lanterns, and neon signs of bars, restaurants, and a convenience store illuminate the town.

He goes to the railing and rests his forearms along the top. The moon is a crescent, and he can still make out the tide crashing and receding. For the first time since he got here, it’s quiet. He’d longed for a moment like this, by himself and in cooler conditions. He thought it would be what he needed, but as he looks out over the town, it doesn’t take long for his mind to wonder. None of the humans here - or anywhere for that matter - truly know what is happening. If they did, how would they react?

His mind recalls the few times he was sent on a mission to the World of the Living, believing he was saving their world and keeping the balance. His subordinates would've felt the same, he imagines. Are they working on the reports he and Rangiku left behind right now? Are the captains and lieutenants still working to try and find out more about Hell? What if Hell is planning an attack? What if he -- ?

He shakes his head, then lets it fall to rest on his arms.

He pivots his mind to what had happened just a few hours ago. With the exception of Rukia and Ichika, they’d all gone to a shokudo for dinner. Rangiku had gotten started early on the sake, encouraging Hisagi, Ikkaku, and Renji to join her. It didn’t take long for the four of them to be carrying on, quibbling one minute then laughing together the next. He sat next to Rindou, who signed to him and the others about the food and what he had done today at the beach and in the town. Opposite them, Momo sat between Nanao and Kiyone, but every now and then she would glance in his direction. When he caught her, she’d either smile and return her focus to either Nanao or Kiyone, or she’d ask him something: ‘What did you order to drink?’, ‘How’s your dinner?’, and ‘Do you need extra ice?’.

It was a light-hearted atmosphere, but far removed from how he felt. Again, he wonders how they can act like this after everything they’d seen and heard. he almost had the urge to scream at them. Why weren't they discussing what they'd learnt? Why weren't they back at the Soul Society doing something about this?

But more than that, as he’d stared into his dinner, and as he glares at his feet now, he wonders why he can’t be like them. He can carry on professionally, continuing with paperwork and scheduling and leading his division, but outside of that…

He’d struggled in a similar way with the peace, always hypervigilant of a new threat that could appear after the war against the Quincy. He wishes he’d never lost that feeling, then maybe he wouldn’t feel as though he were struggling to stay afloat.

With a sigh through his nose, he straightens and walks back to his room. He doesn't plan to go to sleep, he knows he'll just be staring at the ceiling. He'll take Hyourinmaru, go somewhere secluded, and train.

_________________________________

“Why do you persist in coming here every week?”

Toshiro stays placid in the face of Mayuri’s irritation. The Twelfth Division captain hasn’t looked over at him, too focused on the readings a console produces.

Around them, there’s six division members busily doing the same, but two whisper their findings to each other and note them down on clipboards. However, every now and then, each officer glances over in the direction of the two captains. The only Soul who doesn’t is Nemu, who sits next to Akon and watches him as he types things into the system and explains to her what he's doing.

While being led to see Mayuri by Akon just a few minutes ago, Toshiro noticed in other lab rooms how frantic the officers were. They spoke in clipped whispers, and were quick to turn their backs when they realized he was passing by. By comparison, this lab is calm.

Toshiro folds his arms into his sleeves. “Perhaps it would be best if we speak in your office, Kurotsuchi.”

“And why should we do that?”

With a final glance to the others in the room, he says, “I’m checking for any updates on the de-zombification side effects.”

Now Mayuri whips around to him, his headpiece almost hitting the back of Akon’s head; neither his lieutenant or Nemu flinch. “And it’s as I’ve said: we’re still investigating all avenues.” The Twelfth Division Captain thrusts a hand to his console. “As is, we have more urgent matters at hand. Hell has made itself known, and we have been tasked with investigating how the Jigoku no Rinki was able to appear here, among other things. As a captain of Gotei Thirteen, you must say this take precedence, correct?”

Toshiro withholds a glare, because of course Mayuri is right. He should leave it there, just thank him for his time and go, but he’s lost his patience. “It’s been over ten years,” he whispers.

“And you rarely asked me about progress in those years,” Mayuri retorts, choosing to not lower his voice in return. “Suddenly, you’re in here every week and disrupting our work as a result.”

“It’s not my intention, Kurotsuchi.”

“Then explain yourself, if you would be so kind.” His voice is almost venomous, but Toshiro doesn’t back down.

He closes the gap between them and keeps his voice quiet. “The last progress you made was over three years ago, and it got shelved when the last solution failed to produce any results. As far as I’m aware, you haven’t explored any other options since, or if you have, you have not made me or Matsumoto aware of them.”

“Are you questioning my rigor? Are you not grateful anymore that I saved you and your lieutenant?”

“You know I am. If not for you, we would’ve died there and then. I am simply asking why you haven’t --”

“Then leave it be! How dare you make demands when I have done that much for you!”

“Matsumoto doesn’t have much longer left to live!”

Mayuri’s annoyance alleviates somewhat, his frown deepening and turning into one of confusion. After a pause, he speaks more quietly. “It’s not her you’re concerned for though, is it, Captain?”

That catches Toshiro off guard, and he grunts in surprise. Of course he’s concerned for Rangiku, and up until now he’d had little regard for his own life being shortened. He’d willingly take the price it paid, for better or worse.

Since Hell had made itself known, however, he’d been on edge. He’d let the anxiety he kept pushing down and simmering away get the better of him. If he dies in combat now, the Soul Society would have no choice but to perform a Konso Reisai twelve years after his passing. Could they find a way to return the balance by then? He would've once unequivocally said ‘yes’, but after everything that happened, from betrayals in their own ranks to the return of the Quincy, he didn’t know anymore. If they had given Hell so much power without realizing all of these years, just how long would it take to restore the balance between all the worlds?

He has no doubt Mayuri is investigating all of this, trying to determine the best course of action for Shunsui and the rest of the Gotei Thirteen. But when would it happen? What if it took too long? What will become of him and Rangiku?

“Master Mayuri.”

Both captains look towards Nemu. The young Soul appears as neutral as her voice had been, but her hand is fisted into the sleeve of Akon’s uniform.  The Twelfth Division lieutenant’s attention had also been diverted away from the console, and he looks between his captain and Toshiro, waiting for someone to speak.

Mayuri huffs, his anger cooling a fraction. “By my estimates, you and Lieutenant Matsumoto have well over a hundred and fifty years left. We have time to find a remedy and restore your lost lifespan.” He levels Toshiro with a hardened gaze. “If you continue to come here for any reason other than findings towards any of our research on Hell, I will have no choice but to report this to the Captain-Commander. Are we clear?”

To Toshiro’s bewilderment, he actually waits for his answer. He has no choice, and withholding a cringe, he nods.

Satisfied, Mayuri turns away and waves a hand towards the lab’s entrance. “Akon, escort him out of the division.”

“Yes, sir.”

Toshiro remains rooted to the spot for a moment longer. It’s useless, he knows, but he somehow hopes Mayuri will change his mind, will give him even an inkling into anything he’s found.

After a beat, he follows Akon out. Neither say anything as they walk down the corridors.

It’s not her you’re concerned for though, is it, Captain?

How had he known? Did Mayuri have the same fears? That he will perish sooner rather than later, and he too could be forced into Hell if they do not find a solution to restoring the balance between all the worlds? It’s hard to imagine someone like him worrying about such things.

But then, he did have Nemu, and for all of his faults and failings, he was treating this Nemu better than the last.

Toshiro shakes his head. Everything seems wrong. Because if Mayuri Kurotsuchi of all people can understand what he’s going through, then the world has surely gone mad.

He knows as soon as he leaves here, he’ll go train. It’s the best way to deal with the pent-up emotions. It's the only way he can think of deal with their current predicament when they lack any answers.

_________________________________

Ichika’s laughter comes through the walls. Despite the fact it was the reason for his rude awakening, Toshiro’s oddly relieved to hear it. He’d seen her in the aftermath of Hell’s invasion of the World of Living; she was pale and quiet, clinging to Renji so tight her knuckles were white. She also hadn’t bothered him with spontaneous visits to the Tenth Division office since the incident.

Regardless, after two weeks, she was running around and causing mischief like always – at least according to Ikkaku and Renji. Children have that ability to bounce back, even in times of uncertainty. He remembers when he could do it, but it is a trait that has slowly faded over time.

Toshiro groans as he sits up. A tiny sliver of daylight piercing his room through the curtains. He checks his denreishikai; it’s just after eight in the morning. He’s usually up with the sun, but being on this holiday in this God forsaken heat continues to make him sluggish.

He rises from his bed and goes to the wind to draw the curtains back. At least the clouds are back today. He has a view of the biggest beach in the area, and judging from the gleam one person’s head gives off, he guesses it’s Ikkaku doing laps in the ocean; Yumichika probably isn’t far from him, likely being one of the people sitting under a beach umbrella.

If they’re already there, then the others are likely not far behind. As if on cue, he hears Renji and Ichika leaving their room, excitedly chattering about going down to the beach. As they pass his room, Rukia comments on her husband’s clothing – “Did you pick that shirt? And what does ‘Sun’s out, guns out’ mean?” – but Toshiro doesn’t hear the rest over Ichika’s laughter.

He glances at the bag Hyourinmaru is hidden away in. He briefly recalls his training from last night - not that he was able to do much without drawing unwanted attention from locals. He'd practiced his zanjutsu in a forested area on the other side of town, and had returned to inn in the early hours of the morning. At least it had tired him out enough to make him fall asleep.

With a long exhale, he focuses back on today. If he’s going to use his zanpakuto while at the beach, he’ll have to be discreet about it; and he has no doubt the others will be clamoring for him to make shaved-ice.

He goes to the bathroom, which is several degrees warmer than his room. After showering and getting changed into a shirt and a pair of board shorts, there’s a knock on his door.

“Captain, are you awake yet?” Rangiku asks in a singsong tone.

Toshiro sighs. All of this cheerfulness is too much after just waking up. “Yeah.”

She opens the door, but she’s not alone.

“We’ve got your breakfast here, Hitsugaya-kun.” Momo holds out a plastic bag and takeaway coffee cup. “I just chose what I thought you’d might like, I hope that’s okay.”

Rangiku enters his room, but stops only a few steps in. “Captain, it’s freezing in here!” she complains, rubbing her bare arms. “How do you stand it?”

“It’s hot,” is all he says as comes over to them. “Why didn’t you wake me earlier?”

“We figured you could do with a sleep in,” Rangiku says. “It’s so rare that it happens, and you’re on a break, you’re supposed to do things like that.”

“I’m supposed to be supervising over all of you.”

“Supervising,” Rangiku says under breath with a sigh. “Honestly, Captain.”

“So is Captain Kuchiki,” Momo says at the same time. “Honestly, Hitsugaya-kun, it’s okay to relax even when you’ve been assigned to watch over us.”

He shakes his head. “In any event, what’s happening today? I assume you’re all going down to the beach?”

_________________________________

Toshiro watches Granny hanging the washing. He’d tried to help her, but she’d waved him off and told him to go rest inside.

“You hardly ever get a break these days,” she said. “You’re such a hard worker, but you should rest more often.”

He'd made a pot of tea, and by the time she’s done it’ll be cool enough for her to drink. He'd also set up a bowl of amanatto and placed it next to the clay cups on the tray.

As he waits, he fiddles with one of his old spinning tops. He’d dug it out from the closet, buried behind futon mattresses and other things from his childhood. He still doesn’t understand why Granny keeps most of it, she’s always been a practical person who hates clutter.

He slowly wraps the cord around the top of the toy, but never releases it. He holds it loosely in his fingers, but his gaze remains on Granny. She bends down to her basket and pulls out another sheet to hang. In isolation, it's a peaceful image.

Her life rarely changes. She still goes to the same stalls and shops for food and household supplies. She still drinks the same tea blends, washes the same clothes and linens, and wakes up and goes to sleep at the same times every day.

Her life is simpe and despite it’s repetitiveness, it’s unplanned. Things are just the way they are, and they work for her.

For the first time in decades, he wishes he could return to that life. Even with all the negatives that came with it, compared to life he leads now, it’s peaceful and far less complicated.

He planned things to a fault, he should’ve known it would be his downfall one day; or at least, lead to disappointment when something came and ruined everything. Of course the peace couldn’t last, something had to disrupt it. Life is never the same, it's never consistent. How long had he expected it to go on for?

But that was the thing. He never made plans for the peace, he had simply lived in it. It was almost like his life before he became a captain, only with more responsibilities he could handle.

Granny turns to him after hanging up the last of the washing. Her smile widens when she spots the teapot and bowl of amanatto. He can’t help but smile back despite the growing heaviness within him.

He doesn't plan to tell her about Hell yet. He won’t break this peace for her.

_________________________________

It’s far too hot, even under the shade.

Toshiro lies his head and torso over the picnic table, a cup half filled with melting shaved ice in one hand and a spoon in the other. The shelter above and around him is made of wood and obstructs the view of onlookers that weren’t on the beach. Combined with having so few humans around, it allows him to discreetly use his zanpakuto to make shaved ice in one of it's corner.

Rangiku had gone out and bought bottles of syrup, paper cups, and wooden spoons from a nearby convenience store. All of it is stored in a freezer bag along with a bucket of the ice he’d conjured up five minutes ago. Hyournmaru lies out of sight in his own bag, but the cold flowing form the blade brushes along the floor of the shelter, cooling his feet and ankles. He considered himself a glorified placeholder for the table, and so long as he is here, no humans would come along and accidentally spot his weapon.

With some effort, he raises himself to take another spoonful of slushy ice and munches on it. He watches the group on the beach, all doing various things. Ikkaku and Hisagi race each other, doing several laps in the ocean. If it weren’t for the heat bearing down on him above and the hot sand between the shade and the ocean, he’d be doing laps himself.

He slides his gaze over to Kazui and Ichigo, both wading into the water while Orihime collected seashells along the shoreline ; they’d taken the train to come down for the day. Orihime finds a shell that makes her grin and she jogs to the Abarai family. Ichika makes a sandcastle with Rukia, giggling when Renji comes up behind her with a wreath of seaweed and tickles her with it before draping it over one of the walls. It’s then Orihime gets their attention and hands them a few seashells to decorate another wall.

Further up the beach, Nanao walks up to Rangiku, who sunbathes on a towel. She lectures Rangiku about something -- likely the fact she's sunbathing in the first place -- and his lieutenant squints up at her in response. Yumichika, relaxing under an umbrella, makes a comment which makes Rangiku snap at him and Nanao wearily rolls her head to one side.

Rindo, Momo and Kiyone had gone for a walk up the beach to the rockpools. Toshiro spots them as specks in the distance, and the footprints they'd left behind are gradually washed away every time the waves surge in.

He takes another spoonful of shaved ice, then eases back down to the table and begins to doze off. There’s only the darkness beneath his eyelids, the crashing of waves, the hot breeze that blows through, Hyourinmaru's cold circling around his ankles and the distant voices of the Shinigami and humans. He can’t relax, ending up in a state between being awake and on the verge of napping.

It’s twenty minutes later when he’s startled by a call of his name. He opens his eyes and turns his head just in time to see Kazui and Ichika racing towards him. He lets go of his completely melted shaved ice to raise himself up.

“Captain Hitsugaya!” Kazui calls out again, grinning.

“He heard you the first time, dummy!” Ichika chastises.

He thinks to lecture her about calling Kazui a dummy -- it seems like the responsible thing to do -- but someone beats him to it.

“Don’t call Kazui-chan bad names, Ichika-chan!” Momo calls out from behind. She pants and tries to keep her hat on as she rushes to catch up to them.

Ichika blushes slightly in shame, but otherwise doesn’t respond. Kazui isn't phased, his grin still in place.

With as much energy as he can muster, Toshiro lazily waves his hand in greeting before the children come to a stop in the shelter. “Babysitting?” he says to Momo.

She shakes her head. “They just happened to be on their way to see you too.”

He returns his attention to Kazui and Ichika. “You two looking for some shaved ice?”

They both nod eagerly.

“Papa said you make the best shaved ice ever,” Ichika says.

I’m the only one here who can, he thinks. He only grunts as he twists around to the freezer bag. The ice had gotten more slushy, but it's still usable. “Which flavours do you want?”

“Watermelon!” they say in unison.

Toshiro smirks. “Good choice.”

He takes out the syrup and puts it on the table, then scoops two cups into the ice and sticks a spoon in each. He hands them over to the children. “It’s all yours.”

As expected, they go crazy with the syrup, completely dying the ice red. Momo intervenes before it can get too messy, making sure most of the flavoring stays in the cups.

“You two should eat that under the shade,” she says, pointing at the umbrellas Yumichika and Nanao rest under. “And make sure you bring the empty cups back here, okay?”

Toshiro withholds a chuckle. Since when is she their mother?

Ichika and Kazui both nod to Momo, then turn back to Toshiro.

“Thank you, Captain Hitsugaya,” Kazui says with a quick bow of his head.

Ichika does likewise. “Thank you!”

He waves a hand. "Enjoy, I guess."

They take that as their cue to run off. They go to Yumichika and Rangiku, who both cease their argument when the children arrive and make room for them under the umbrellas.

He turns to Momo, but she’s still watching Ichika and Kazui. She's flushed across her cheeks and shoulders, and sand dusts her shins and sandaled feet. Strangely, he senses hesitation from her, as though she is nervous about turning to face him. It’s in her posture, which though looking relaxed to most, has the signs she’s trying to hide. Her arms are loosely braced over her midsection, and her shoulders are a few inches higher than normal.

“You want one too?” he asks, getting her attention.

Momo shakes her head, smiling. “Oh, no, I was just coming to see how you were doing.”

He ignores the small, warm flutter her concern sends through his chest and takes an empty cup out of the bag. “You might as well have one.”

She considers for a moment. “…Well, it is getting hotter.”

“Orange, lime, or watermelon? Matsumoto didn’t buy mango and the strawberry is empty.”

 “You remembered?”

He hides his embarrassment by saying nothing and stooping lower than necessary to fill up the cup with ice.

From behind, she giggles. “In that case, orange please.”

He fishes out the syrup and a spoon before he twists back around and hands everything to her.

“I’m sure everyone appreciates you doing this,” she says while pouring the syrup.

“Feels like that the main reason I’m here,” he mutters drily.

“That’s not true!”

“I didn’t mean it, dummy.”

She makes a sound between a sigh and a chuckle. “Now who’s calling people bad names.”

He rests back down on the table, watching as she takes a spoonful of orange ice and chomps down on it. She gives an appreciative hum and her smile turns into a grin. “Thank you, Shiro-chan.”

And despite her old habit, he’s certain if he were in a better mood he’d give her a small smile in return. “Captain Hitsugaya.”

She continues to eat as if she hadn’t heard him.

It feels like this is where their interaction should end, that she should walk off back to the others. She stays rooted to the spot, and it’s unnatural to him.

“You didn’t have to come check on me,” he says.

She pauses, staring down into the shaved ice. “I know.”

Why did it sound like she’d taken his comment as a jab? His frown deepens. “Weren’t you going to the rockpools before?”

“Yeah, but Rindou-kun and Kotetsu-san wanted to go out further than I intended.” She raises a foot and wriggles her toes. “I wasn’t wearing the right shoes to go with them.”

She isn’t lying, but he senses there’s more to it. As he considers whether to prod any further, she suddenly stops eating, sticking the spoon into the ice. “Have you just been lying here all day?”

He shrugs. “More or less.”

“But that’s no good. You should have something to do here!” She shakes her head. “The majority voted for a beach, but...maybe we should’ve gone somewhere else.”

“Why do you…?” Why does that strike a nerve within him? Why did she feel the need to make sure he is having a good time here? She didn’t belong under the shade, she loves the sun and places like this; most Shinigami did.

Why is he even here?

He gives a frustrated grunt. “Just go back to the others already.”

At her widened, alarmed eyes, he realizes he’d said it with the irritation he'd been trying to hide and with more strictness than he’d intended. Damn this heat! No, he can’t blame it on the weather. He’d let the heaviness in his mind get the better of him, and the uncertainty about why they are here.

He forces himself back up, ignoring the strain in his arms. After a beat, he begins to apologise. “I didn’t mean --”

She lays a hand on his. She curls her fingers loosely around his wrist, a silent way of saying he can remove himself from her grasp. Her hand is colder than usual, thanks to the shaved ice. But had they always been this small? How had he only just noticed it?

“I get it. I know the heat gets to you,” Momo says. She looks out to the sea for a pause before continuing. “I-I know it’s not much, but in the evening, it’ll be cooler. If you want to and you’re up for it, we can come back here and walk along the beach after dinner.”

“Why do you want to do that?”

“Because you deserve to enjoy the beach too.”

I don’t even like beaches, is what he’d say aloud, but he won’t.

"And…" She purses her lips, and her cheeks become a shade darker. "We're friends, aren't we? I want to spend some time with my friends. Don't you want to do the same?"

There’s that look, the one she always had when she tried to help others. He’ll never tell her how much it meant to him to see she was still capable of showing that gaze after everything she went through.

At his lack of a response, her gaze flutters to the ground. “I mean, if you’d rather be alone, then that’s okay too. Just so long as you’re able to enjoy yourself.”

“No.” He gentle extracts his hand from her grasp. She raises her head, confused.

It’s then he feels how tired he is. It’s not lethargy from the heat, it’s something deeper. Something that was the result of holding back too much, and maybe, as she waits for him to elaborate, it’s time she knew about it. “We’ll go together.”

His heart clenches at the stunned softness in her eyes. Eventually, she smiles. “Okay.”

“Oi, Hinamori-san!”

Both turn to look in the direction of Hisagi, who waves to her. “We’re doing the race now!”

“I’ll be there!” she calls back. Then to Toshiro. “I promised them I’d be the time keeper for a race they’re doing.”

Toshiro watches Hisagi, Ikkaku, Renji, Ichigo, Kazui, and Ichika all gather together on the sand. Nanao stands off to the side a small towel in her hand – probably the as a flag to signal for them to start. Rangiku uses the end of an umbrella to draw a long line in the sand.

Toshiro doesn’t see the point of racing on a beach, especially in this heat and with all of their abilities, so all he has to offer is, “Whatever keeps them entertained.”

Momo backs out of the shelter, and with the spoon still in her mouth, says something to the effect of, “I’ll see you later.”

He watches on as Momo rushes down and takes her place next to Nanao, who hands her a stop watch.

 Kazui quickly eats the rest of his shaved ice, while it seems Ichika had passed hers to Rukia. She and Renji are amping each other up, but Ichika bursts into laughter.

I want to spend some time with my friends. Don't you want to do the same?

They've never been a normal group, but this seems in character for all of them. For the first time since coming here , Toshiro has a fleeting sentiment that he's glad they can act like they always do despite what looms over them.

_________________________________

He’s rarely wondered about the future. He always did schedules for division-related activities, and would keep appointments made in mind when planning his week or month. But he never thought of any of these things beyond what was necessary. He never considered what his own future held.

There were only four instances he can think of when he pondered on what lay ahead for him: the first was when he had to leave Granny to go to the Academy, the second was when he'd been appointed captain of the Tenth Division, the third was while he recovered from his injuries after Aizen’s defeat, and the fourth was in first few months after the war against the Quincy ended.

He’s always considered himself someone who lives in the present, who only plans for the future if the present shows him he needs to. Even then, he only went as far as he needed to, never going beyond into the 'what ifs' that weren't related to the task at hand.

Lately, he wonders how the buildings around him will change as the years go by. Will they need repairs from unprecedented weather events? Will they be renovated to look different? Will the Tenth Division get another barracks as it’s forces grow in numbers?

He wonders how tall the trees in his division will grow, and if any of them will have to be cut down.

He also wonders what beings he has yet to meet. Unless Ichigo and Orihime plan to have another child, he doubts there will be more than three humans he'll ever have to introduce himself to. He keeps away from the Arrancar where possible, but he's certain there's Souls still out there he will cross paths with more than once. What new recruits will have to introduce himself to? Will any of the captains retire and be replaced?

He wonders when Hyourinmaru’s Completed form will become his true bankai, where he will no longer have to wait for the petals to fall. He wonders if the transformation will ever be less painful or strainious.

He wonders when Hell will make it’s next move. In the next year? Or month? Or week? Or tomorrow? He can see Jushiro's bankai elongating out of Hell's gates, a grotesque distortion of what they were all once familiar with. How did the rest of him look? Would he remember who any of them were? And if he did, would he resent them for what they unknowingly did?

He wonders how much longer Granny and Rangiku have to live.

He wonders how much longer he has left.

Prior to the completed form, he could never picture how he’d looked as an adult. In a strange way, it’s as if the world has told him he won’t make it, that he will only transform into that age but not live to experience it. He can’t picture Rangiku as being older than she is, or any of the his fellow Shinigami for that matter.

That of course included Momo, who sits in front of him, talking while putting paperwork in front of him. He hasn’t heard a word she’s said. Even though he can’t picture her as an adult, he’s mostly certain she has a future as one. One where she smiles often, and still calls him ‘Shiro-chan’ because old habits die hard. She still sees Renji and Izuru for the occasional meet up, and goes with Rangiku to bars and carries her back to the Tenth Division barracks. She starts a bigger literature club, where members will talk about the books they’ve read and she will make sure everyone gets a chance to talk. He can see her taking up painting on top of the drawing she already does, and her room will have the faint smell of paints and drawing charcoal.

Maybe there would’ve been a time he could see himself there too, but that window seems to get narrower and narrower the heavier these thoughts make him feel.

“Are you all right?”

Toshiro tries to keep his reaction muted, but a startled gasp still leaves him when her hand comes over his forearm. He’s about to come up with some excuse, but her concern softens him.

“You weren’t here, were you?” she says.

He looks at the paperwork, unable to deny it.

She glances down her hand, and appears surprised she touched him. She's quick to lean back, but her hand slides off his arm and remains close by. “What’s on your mind?”

The top line of the document in front of him reads ‘Agenda for joint training session 34’. He takes a stab at what she was saying before. “It’s nothing to worry about, just trying to figure out schedules for the next three months. If we try to do a joint training session next month, it will have to be in the first week.”

Her brow twitches, trying to not frown. Her eyes search his, but again he looks down at the paperwork.

“Yes, of course.”

It’s as she says this that he realizes the document has nothing to do with a joint training session for his division. It was for one with Third Division; she likely showed him as an example of what they could do next time for a kido training session.

He bites the inside of his cheek, ashamed. He's supposed to be a captain, where was his focus?

He waits for her to correct him. Then she’ll try to pry it all out of him, because she always wants to knows what’s on his mind. He doesn’t want to snap at her, would never do such a thing under any circumstances. But this weight, these thoughts, they were beginning to take up more space within him. He doesn’t know how he’ll react to her trying to navigate through them with him.

“Captain,” she says, surprising him enough to make him look up. Her smile is small and unsure, but she persists. “Actually, I didn’t just come here to discuss training sessions. The Women’s Association is looking to fund a vacation to the World of the Living. It’s a chance for everyone to have a break from work, we haven’t had a proper one in over ten years, right?”

“Why are you bringing this up?”

Her smile almost wobbles away, but she finds the strength to not only keep it in place, but to widen it too. “I’m inviting you to come along.”

________________________________

Compared to the afternoon, the sand is cooler under Toshiro’s feet. He strolls down to the sea, hands in his pockets and head bowed. Momo is behind him, but she pauses every now and then pick up seashells.

He doesn’t stop until he reaches the shoreline. The last sliver of the sun disappears over the horizon, colouring the sky dark blues and purples. A lone boat travels across the waves to a nearby dock. Behind him, a few cars whizz by and people go out for the night to bars and restaurants. Rangiku and a few of the others are among them, going to a izakaya tonight for dinner and drinks. He can already imagine how silly they’ll be acting by the time he and Momo rejoin them later tonight on the way back to the inn.

With a shake of his head, he turns his attention to the waves lapping at his toes. The next surge sends a wave over his feet. The froth of the sea spins around his ankles and the cold of the water tingles across his skin before receding away, only to return seconds later. It’s oddly relaxing, and he’s entranced by the motions of the waves. They come and go, come and go, never ceasing. It’s been like this for millions of years, since before he or anyone he knows were ever born. It has a beginning but no ending in sight.

It’s the first time he’s been at peace since the revelations about Hell came to light. Even so, the unease threatens to bubble up from the pit of his stomach. For even if there is no end in sight he can see, the ocean will vanish one day, whether it be Hell being strong enough to destroy this world, or a more natural end much further down the line.

So caught up in this, he doesn’t register Momo approaching until she’s by his side, and flinches when she speaks.

“There’s already so many stars out,” she marvels.

Thankfully, her is gaze on the dusk sky. Gone is her hat and hair ties, allowing the breeze lightly tussles her hair around her shoulders and back. She wears a shirt rolled up to the sleeves, and a bright orange summer dress beneath it. In one hand she holds her sandals, and shells in the other.

Indeed, stars glimmer down at them. Being this far away from the lights of the town, there’s more of them then he usually accustomed to in the World of the Living, and constellations he’s never seen before.

“I can see the pear.” Momo points to a cluster of stars on the right. “Remember that one?”

One of the many silly constellations they made up as children. “If that’s somehow it, it still doesn’t look like a pear.”

“Yeah it does! There’s the stem, and there’s the rest!” As she says this, she traces her finger over each star to map it out for him. “Its just upside down.”

He shakes his head. “You always had a strange imagination.”

She scoffs. “It’s called being creative.” After a moment, she tilts her head to one side. “I didn’t think it would show up in the World of the Living.”

“Our sky isn’t much different from there’s.”

“I guess not.”

The mood has lightened slightly, but the silence that follows is filled with the crashing of waves. They can remain like this, but like earlier today, it doesn’t feel natural. He turns to her, but she still has her eyes on the stars. He can leave her to be like this, oblivious to what is going on beneath the surface.

“Hinamori.” He has her attention now. He unknowingly takes in a deep breath as his stomach clenches, but he can’t stand not knowing anymore. “Why did you invite me to this?”

The question doesn’t catch her off guard like he expected it to. Instead, she tucks the shells she’d collected into one of her shirt pockets and glides her foot through the water. “It’s a shame we all couldn’t be here, and I know what happened is still on all of our minds, but it’s good to see those who did are relaxing a little. The last few months have been tough, and we all deserve to have a break from it. To step away for a little while.” She smiles wistfully. “That’s why I invited you to come. Even though it’s at a beach, and even though it’s only for a few days, I thought it would be good to spend time with you, Rangiku-san, Nanao-san, Abarai-kun, and the others away from what’s been bothering us.”

He thought hearing her say he wasn’t the only one thinking about the revelations about Hell would reassure him, but it only serves to annoy him. He’s no fool, he knows the others hadn’t forgotten about what happened, but why use their time here of all places? They can’t have moved on, this was too insurmountable to move on from.

“Aren’t we just running away?” He hadn’t meant to voice the question aloud, and it makes Momo's brow furrow.

His voice rises as he continues. “Shouldn’t we be using this time to plan for Hell’s next attack? We know nothing about their strategy. They’ve done nothing since Ukitake’s Konso Reisai, andKurotsuchi keeps investigating, but nothing ever comes up. We’re just here, doing nothing about it.” He throws his hands out to the sides. “We didn’t even know what we’ve been doing to our former captains this whole time!”

Momo shakes her head and braces her arm across her torso, her hand holding her opposite elbow. “We couldn’t have known.”

“But now we do! And what now? We’ll go to battle, that’s for certain, but what if this battle doesn’t end like the others?”

“That we’ll lose?”

“No, not even that. That we’ll be fighting Hell for decades. The first war against the Quincy lasted years, Hinamori. What if this battle is the same? What if we lose more captains, and we’ll have no choice but to perform Konso Reisai for all of them?”

“You…really think the conflict would last that long?”

“I don’t know, and that’s…” He let’s out an exasperated breath. He’s never like this, shouting and venting his thoughts, and that only frustrates him even more. “We need something concrete! We need direction, and we won’t get that unless we’re working on it back in the Soul Society. Hell must be doing this deliberately, it's a psychological tactic to weaken us."

She looks at him in confusion and worry, an expression that would normally cool his anger and makes him reassess what he'd said. But he's in too far now, he won't stop.

“You saw Sogyo no Kotowari.”

She frowns, likely wondering where this is going. “Only at a glance. Kurosaki-san saw it up close.”

“But his description fit what you saw, yes?”

She nods solemnly. “I thought I was seeing things, but when I got back to the Soul Society and found out what was happening with the Konso Reisai, it suddenly made sense.”

“Ukitake impaled that Espada, but we don’t know for what reason. We don’t know if he is on our side or not. If he isn’t, if everyone we have sent to Hell this whole time isn’t, we’re going to have to face them.”

The grip on her arm tightens. “I know.”

“I won't to become like Ukitake,” he says fiercely, bordering on a growl. “I won't become warped. If I have to fight him and the others, then so be it. But I won't to become like them. I don’t want to…”

“What makes you think you’ll die before the conflict is over?” she asks.

He doesn't answer, can't answer as his throat tightens.

Her hand drops back to her side as she leans forward. “You won’t die, Shiro-chan.”

“How can you know that?” he struggles to get out.

“Because you’re one of the strongest Shinigami I know, in skill, in your bond with your zanpakuto, and in fortitude.” Her eyes become glassy and her voice gets increasingly louder. “Someone like you doesn’t die so easily. I know you’ll keep fighting, no matter you are faced with!  You lived through so much, and survived wounds that would kill so many! You don’t give up, you’ve never given up, it’s a quality you embody above everything else! There’s no way you can die, don’t even think about it! And don't push everyone away!”

She pants for breath and bites her lip, trying to prevent tears. He’s at a loss for words. Had she too been bottling something up? Was it anxiety about Hell, or was it about him?

A wave hits the back of his shins. They both look down. When had the water gotten this high? Is the tide already coming in, or had they waded further into the sea? Wordless, he walks back to the shore, and after a moment, she follows. He halts once he’s back at the shoreline, but she takes a few steps away from it.

As her breathing quietens, Momo’s gaze searches for something in him. Her eyes are so wide, alarmed and still on the verge of tearing up. “I-I didn’t understand why you were becoming so distant, I thought getting away from the Soul Society would help, but now I think I know. Are you…?” She’s conflicted, her lips opening to continuing her question, only to close seconds later and becoming a taut, pressed line.

He’d wanted to tell her what was on his mind, but not like this. To his own ear, he’s ended up sounding both paranoid and like a child complaining about something not going his way. He ended up upsetting her. Toshiro sighs, suddenly more tired than before. “What is it?”

She still hesitates, her focus on the waves circling his ankles. Eventually, she raises her head and steps closer. “Are you scared?”

It hits him in the chest like a stone thrown into glass. For a second, his blood runs tight and cold in his limbs. His heart skips a beat, then clenches. He can feel hairline fractures running through him, threatening to break apart. Momo hadn’t hit the nail on the head, but she knows one facet of what is going on within him.

The impact she made must show, because her expression softens further. “It’s okay if you are, I think we all are. I think it’s why we’re all here. In this time of uncertainty, the only thing we can do right now is to be here with our friends. We can’t let the uncertainty of the future stop us from living in the present with those we care about.”

Or we could be planning. Somehow, the thought sounds strange, as if the sentiment behind it weren’t quite right anymore.

Momo closes the gap between them, their hands almost brushing. “If you really feel we shouldn’t be here, then why did you come?” It’s not an accusation, only a gentle question.

Because you wanted me to. She still isn’t aware of the hold she has over him, but how would she react if she knew? But her invite hadn’t been the only reason, nor had it just been Rangiku and Granny’s encouragement, or Shunsui appointing him as one of the supervisors.

We can’t let the uncertainty of the future stop us from living in the present with those we care about.

Maybe if the mood were different, he would tease her for picking up on his philosophy. In her own way, she had describe what would be his usual way of thinking. He slides his gaze to the horizon, watching the waves form, build, then curl in and crash in on themselves. It reminds him the fireworks, how they rise and flare into existence, only to scatter and fade away after they’ve exploded in the sky.

What happened to him? Why is he like this?

No, he already knows why. He swallows thickly and closes his eyes, but it does nothing to help. If he looks at the source of all of this now, the fractures might get bigger, but if he doesn't, they'll only run deeper.

And so, he opens his eyes to the stars.

“Before Hell, Kurotsuchi was working on a cure for the de-zombification process for Matsumoto and I,” he begins, his voice rougher. “That included returning the years of our life taken by the procedure, or at least, extending out lifespans to something greater than what they currently are. I expected slow progress, but when Hell revealed itself to us, of course work into a cure had ceased all together. It’s the right thing to do. We lay our lives down for the Soul Society.” His gaze fixes on her. “For our friends.”

Momo lets out a long, silent breath, her shoulders falling lower. She waits, always patient and willing to listen to him, but there's an urgency beneath it.

With some effort, he continues. “Knowing what will happen once those who obtained bankai die, knowing we can become so warped, that we can fight against our former officers, our friends. If I die before the conflict ends, that's what I'll become. I don't want that. I never want to hurt anyone on our side." I never want to hurt you again. "I didn't want..." I didn't want the peace to end."I don't..." I don't want to die.

Something drops into the sand behind them. Then, her arms around him, pulling him into side ways hug. His widened eyes stare straight ahead, unblinking and unfocused. The last time they had hugged was when the war against the Quincy had ended. Why is it they only hug when they're sad? But the feel of her arms around his shoulders, to know she's here with him, it makes him shudder, verging of a sob. He holds it back, believing it would do neither of them any good, but he turns in her arms and wraps his own around her.

“Without knowing what’s ahead, I can’t just relax like everyone else,” he admits.

“I know,” she whispers, voice tight. "With all of that on your mind, how could anyone?"

"And knowing I don't have much longer to live…"

A minute passes, and there's only the waves, which now coming up to their mid shines. The tide is definitely coming in, it wont be long before it gets higher.

Toshiro thinks to pull away, but Momo's arms tighten around him. "There's still time for Captain Kurotsuchi to find a cure for you and Rangiku-san, I know he won't give up on it. We don't know what we're up against, but that's nothing new for us, isn't it?" and he feels her smile against his temple. “In times of uncertainty and without answers, we only have each other, " she says "You look out for others, and become stronger for others. It’s why one of the reasons you’re worried about the future, right? It’s not just about fearing an early death, isn’t it? You care about everyone, you want to know what you can do to protect them for what’s to come. You want to live with everyone, right?”

His heart quivers. He’d seen everyone’s confusion and dourness for more than a month, and it did nothing to alleviate the emotions that slowly took hold of him. The peace had softened him, had made him so accustomed to seeing everyone in higher spirits. He missed it, longed for it after what they had learned about Hell. He especially missed seeing Momo that way, after everything she went through, by Aizen's hand and unintentionally his own.

He recalls how fragile the flowers in her hat looked, how small her hands seemed. He hadn't had to think about protecting anyone in years, hadn't had to be vigilant or on guard at all times, but they'd slowly been bubbling back to the surface in the recent months. When Hell comes, those feelings will come back in full force. He would never let anything harm her, not when he now has the powers to protect her.

As the seconds pass, a strange grief takes hold. He mourns for an uncertain future, for a future that will likely not be his. She has been a part of his life for so many years, and there was a time he was certain she would still be there with him in the future, but now, even if he makes it out of this alive, who's to say of she or Rangiku will be there? It's always been a possibility, ever since any of them became Shinigami, but with Hell now posing as a threat - one that has broken the peace they'd enjoyed for over ten years - it only exacerbates the chances of it happening. He mourns for the peace that is broken, because at some point without realising, he had seen that as their future. They would all go on happily, performing their duties with only the occasional hitch, but nothing that would threaten their everyday lives, the very existence of all the worlds.

The peace was too good to last; but it had happened, and he had enjoyed it with everyone else. It's the way of all the worlds; the good can only last for so long, but it never completely vanishes. It finds it's way back in smaller ways.

With a new wave smacking particularly hard into the backs his legs, he pulls away. He takes her hand, ignoring the surprised look she gives him, and leads her out of the water. “Come on, we should head back, the tide is starting to come in.”

Along the way, she stoops down and picks up the sandals she’s thrown aside to hug him. They walk up the beach and up the mounds and stairs in silence.

What they'd talked about isn't really an answer or a solution to his worries. He’ll feel this unease about the future for as long as Hell is a threat. But the waves, they ebb and flow. The stars burn until there’s nothing left; they shine brightly until they fade away. The worlds go on, with or without beings who have left them. It's both a disconcerting and calming thought.

As they near the road a few minutes later, Momo she gives his hand a squeeze. "Thank you, Hitsugaya-kun."

"Huh?"

"For telling me everything. I know it couldn't have been easy for you." Then, ruefully, "I'm sorry that this all happened at a beach."

Toshiro could almost laugh, but he manages to withhold it. "It was a majority vote for the location, there was no changing that."

He doesn't looks back at her until they stop on the side of the road. The streetlight next to them casts half of her face in white-yellow light, while the sign of a nearby restaurant casts the other in pink and red.

"You've always been like this. Willing to listen to others, to let them speak their minds." He gives her a small smile. "I should be thanking you."

She gives a embarrassed shrug. "I'm not always like that."

He could argue with her until they're both deaf about her modesty, but he refrains. "Maybe you're right. It's good to...be away for a while, even if it's somewhere like here."

"Even if you can't stop thinking about what happened? Or what's to come?"

It's not her intention, but it almost feels like a test from the universe, to see if he has taken what she'd said to heart. He steps closer, gaze intent. "It's like you said, there was no way we could stop completely thinking about what happened. I can't let these thoughts go, I can't be like everyone else . I won't stop thinking about what happened, not until we can predict Hell's next moves." He bows his head. "I'm sorry for how I've been on this trip."

She shakes her head. "You have nothing to apologize for. If anything, I'm sorry for trying to force you to relax. I should've just come out and said I was concerned."

"With how I was, I can understand why you went about things the way you did. Besides, the ice cream wasn't bad. Dinner was good too, and the beach wasn't...terrible."

That gets a huff of a chuckle out of her.

"Still, I should've been upfront before we came."

She offers a sympathetic smile. "In the end, you were. We only have a day left, but please spend it however you want to." After he nods, she drops her sandals to the ground. "I should put these on before we go back to the others."

She lets go his hand to slide and clip her sandals back on.

His hand hovers in the air, and he knows he should put it back to his side. He'd done what he'd had to to lead them away from the sea. He's also never been one for physical contact beyond what was necessary in battle. But he didn't want to let go just yet.

With both of her shoes on, Momo straightens. "Do think they are at the bar by now?"

"Chances are."

He looks out to the road, lit by streetlights and lined with restaurants, bars, and closed shops. The weight within him is still there, but lighter. For the first time since he arrived, he thinks of somewhere he wants to go.

"I think I saw a takoyaki stall down there," he says, jerking his chin to the right. "Want to go eat before we join everyone else?"

Momo raises both eyebrows, but before he can ask why she reacted this way, she beams and takes his hand again. "Yeah, let's go."

[doudecim]

I want to say that 99% of the fics here are on FF.net for I have only recently discovered the wonders of AO3, and I still didn’t dig deep in there to find all the HitsuKarin goodies.

That being said, I will put the list under the cut because this will be one very long post. So, I hope you all enjoy it!

one-shots

A Constant Fascination, by back-in-a-bit. — 'Colour me blood red passionately.' Hitsugaya makes it his personal mission to get Karin to blush. Pity it's easier said than done. In fact, it might just take him a lifetime. [rated T]

A Fall in the Fall, by MeteorLeopard. — This was ridiculous! There she was, just looking at the fish, and the next thing she knows, she's up in a tree being held against her will! And it's all his fault! [rated T]

a little suffering is good for the soul, by the milliner’s rook. —  Future fic. If there are stupider ways to get courted, Karin can't think of them. [rated K+]

A Woman Scorned, by Glowing Blue. — The twisted fairy tale of Karin finding her own invite to the ball, though she's hardly looking for a Prince Charming. [rated T]

but leave the soul alone, by the milliner’s rook. — AU. Death, it's catching. Or: the one where Toushirou and Karin share night shifts at the hospital. And coffee. Terrible, terrible coffee. [rated K+]

Collection, by ichilover3. — A drabble/oneshot dump. Shenanigans, silliness, and sexy-times abound. Also alliteration, apparently. [rated M]

crawl into your shadow, by the milliner’s rook. — AU. There's a witch in this sleepy little village now that goes by the name of Karin, but nothing has changed since she's arrived. Not really. [rated T]

Delirous, by carved in the sand. — Matsumoto finds her captain to be a lovestruck teenage boy. [rated T]

duckling theory, by the milliner’s rook. — The first thing Karin notices is watermelon. Looking back, maybe it should have been startling green eyes. [rated K]

For You, by Glowing Blue. — Death had never been the paradise everyone wished it to be. But then they found each other. [rated T, two-shot.]

frostbitten, by the milliner’s rook. — Set during the time skip. The winter they meet is unkind with snow. [rated K+]

Frozen Moments, by CrazyAce'n'PokerFace. — 101 drabbles/one-shots that give a glimpse into Toushirou and Karin's life together. A love story told in snapshots. [rated K+]

funny valentine, by SebonzaMitsuki27. — I'll be yours if you'll be mine. [rated K+]

humour me, by SebonzaMitsuki27. — True love's kiss. That ought to do it. [rated K+]

i’m high on believing, by the milliner's rook. — For the record, he prefers his plain black shoes to her fancy red sneakers. [rated K+]

ice breaker, by SebonzaMitsuki27. — AU. There are better ways to get found out than making out in a closet and tumbling onto the ground. [rated T]

if my heart was a compass you’d be north, by SebonzaMitsuki27. — Future fic. Give me a reason to believe. [rated K+]

In Every Season, by Adobo-chan. — A collection of HitsuKarin oneshots. [rated T]

In the Dark, by ichilover3. — It really wasn't anyone else's business. She should be allowed to fornicate with midgets if she wanted to. [rated T]

innocent guilt, by SebonzaMitsuki27. —  AU. Oh, I know! You're a tramp with wings! [rated K+]

Juxtaposition, by Lady Azar de Tameran. — Something within Hitsugaya Toushirou thinks that he may have met his match. [rated T]

keep me in your pocket, by SebonzaMitsuki27. — Set during the timeskip. Don't stay out of touch, okay? [rated K+]

Kuchiki Rukia, the Glorified Courier, by MeteorLeopard. — Delivering super-top-secret messages between dimensions is tough work; believe me, I know. If it weren't such a rewarding experience I'd downright refuse to play the messenger. Honestly. [rated K+]

liliputians, by SebonzaMitsuki27. — Future fic. It's alright, kid. I'm short too. [rated K+]

Lovely Complex, by Unknown lazy ass. — She slyly grinned, “Wow, you really are head over heels for me, aren’t you Toushirou?” [rated K+]

Momo knows Best, by MeteorLeopard. — Sometimes having a meddling older sister... sucks. [rated T]

of halos and wings, by SebonzaMitsuki27. — Future fic. He had betrayed Hinamori with nothing but his heart. [rated T]

Old Haunts, by the milliner's rook. — Future fic. You were just gone, Toushirou, what was I to think? I thought—I thought you'd come back, and you did, twenty years too late. [rated T]

Peeping Tom, by Glowing Blue. — The love story of Hitsugaya and Karin, as seen from open windows and heard through thin walls. "Hisagi's eyes had a tendency to stray." AU. [rated T]

phantasmagoria, by SebonzaMitsuki27. — Flickering through black and white, they find their perfect shade of grey. [rated K+, two-shot.]

put down your sword and crown, by the milliner's rook. — AU. When her old man dies to save Ichi-nii's life, everything changes. Days after the funeral, the word Quincy is spoken for the first time, and at five years old, Karin becomes defined by it. [rated K+]

Red, The Colour of Despair, by the milliner's rook. — It was strange how much difference one colour could make. [rated K+]

Revenants, by carved in the sand. — Hitsugaya ponders the ghosts that haunt the girl he still loves. [rated T]

Sports and Sex are Universal (but never the twain should meet), by back-in-a-bit. — Toushirou gives Karin a flat look. "I'm not high-fiving you over sex," he says. [rated M]

Subtle, by nublados. — Toshiro comments on the subtlety that is Karin Kurosaki. [rated K+]

The Art of Asking, by Felix02. — He should have known that her father wouldn't be able to keep a secret, especially from one of his daughters. [rated T]

The Art Of Getting By, by the milliner's rook. — AU. There's some difficulty between juggling flirting, killing Hollows and getting to class on time with the hottest guy in high school, but Karin's certain she'll get the hang of it eventually. [rated T]

The Staircase not Taken, by MeteorLeopard. — Perhaps it was a good thing that the stairs were destroyed, her brother acting demented and a violent fight going on without her just upstairs. After all, the visitor who happened to drop by was worth the wait. [rated T]

the winter sun smiled for things to come in spring, by the milliner's rook. — What is it with you! You're either too young or too old! What the hell! [rated T, two-shots.]

Urahara's Lawn Mowing Service, by MeteorLeopard. — Incorrect phone numbers are a messy business. Even messier though is the business that happens after said incorrect phone call. "Fine, but I bet your girlfriend didn't call back because your lawn needs to be mowed." [rated T]

velocity, by SebonzaMitsuki27. — Aim for the goal, and don't look back, no matter what. [rated T]

where angels fear to tread, by SebonzaMitsuki27. — They belong in hell. [rated K]

You Taste Like Birthday, You Look Like New Year, by the milliner's rook. — Future fic. She likes his hands, Toushirou notices. Loves them, in fact. [rated M]

complete

lune, by SebonzaMitsuki27. — AU. Me and you and moonlight shivers. [[rated T] other main pairings are ByakuyaHisana, ShinjiHiyori and UlquiorraNel, so beware that HitsuKarin is not the only focus in this one.]

Waterlogged, Wind-chapped, and Sun-bleached. — They grow up together, and the slow progression of their relationship shapes their world. AU. [rated T]

Wendybird Chronicles, by the milliner's rook. — She wonders if they ever had a chance. If they might have missed it, somehow. [rated K+]

on going

Wrong Number, by Lunatasha. — Unknown (10:22): So! I just read all of the conversations I had last night while I was out drunk and thoroughly embarrassing myself and please let me apologise for bothering you (especially as I think you were working if you were in your office?) last night. I mean in hindsight I probably should have stopped messaging you as soon as it was clear you weren't who I was looking for, but drunk me apparently hates sober me so yeah, I'm sorry. That being said thank you again for helping me out even though I must have been bothering you, I appreciate it. [rated T]

Only in Dreams, by TullyBlue. — Brother, she had called him, but he spent the entire meal acting like she was a ghost. Eating with the twins, he can’t even imagine being that cold to his sisters. Yuzu’s laughter brightens his day and that admiring glint in Karin’s eye, that he only catches every once in a while, means the world to him. The so-called brother in his dreams makes Ichigo’s skin crawl. Everything else, though, he wants to see more of, to know more about, to understand. Old, wood floors, a spacious room, flowing black robes, and those swords... [[rated T] other main pairings are IchigoRukia, UryuuChad, GanjuHanatarou, so beware that HitsuKarin is not the only focus in this one.]

abandoned or on permanent hiatus, probably won’t ever post a new chapter again

Blizzard Blues, by the milliner's rook. — Future fic. I heard your brother had an eight pack, Captain Hitsugaya! That he was shredded! [rated T]

Catalyst, by Etiena. — With captain-level shinigami in her family, it is no surprise that Kurosaki Karin has potential. But it isn't family which triggers her change. Instead, a chance encounter with a young shinigami captain leads to startling revelations. [rated K+]

Go Against the Grain, by Adobo-chan. — Old law deems that only a son may become the Kurosaki House's next leader. Born from this ancient tradition, a tragic betrayal and her mother's sacrifice, Karin is brought up as Kurosaki Kazuto, the 29th head of the family. [rated T]

oh sinful rose, by the milliner's rook. — AU. Five years after the monarchy is overthrown, a noble finds a forgotten princess in chains. DISCONTINUED. [rated T]

Quandary, by Glowing Blue. — Funnily enough, meeting such a spirited single mother was actually part of his job description. AU. [rated T] (I love this one so much!)

Roommate For Sale, by SavageTrickster. — AU. There are many things in life that she didn't know, but the one thing Kurosaki Karin was certain of is that her overprotective brother is going to blow his top when he meets her new roommate.

[godkilller]

@shirenui144

A more sombre question, but had me wondering... Has Gin ever cried / what would it take to make him cry? I imagine it would be verse dependent, but could a man this guarded ever visibly show such emotional hurt?

          out of character.  Why must you hurt me.

          But it’s an excellent question, and as you say too -- Gin has become such a guarded, numbed, and twisted man. He has, for lack of better wording, killed off that part of himself long ago. He is also one of the topmost guarded characters in Bleach, even Ichigo’s little trick of ‘reading his opponent’s heart’ during battle did not work on Gin. Gin was empty. Gin wasn’t even ‘looking at Ichigo’ with his heart when fighting. They did not reach each other. Gin is so utterly closed off from others and himself that there’s an eerie absence of self present in him, a swallowing abyss, intimidating and oppressive. Gin has also spent his entire existence isolated, he joined Aizen extremely young and thus his centuries-long otherness began. He cannot show emotions akin to Toshiro, who is often used in ways alongside Gin to show what happens if one shows emotions and weakness to Aizen Sousuke via childhood friends. Renji and Rukia, too, are used in ways that contrast Gin and Rangiku subtly in the background. Gin’s interactions with Rukia about Renji, and his interactions with Toshiro about Momo are to make Gin more of an other. He is removed, unlike them.

          So Gin does not despair openly like they do. He doesn’t shout or cry for the audience to see. He’s a villainous cold-hearted bastard.

          This is on top of the potent sense of cultural toxic masculinity and military way of avoiding / “dealing with” emotionally charged moments, not speaking of trauma, and the whole nine yards of suppression which channels into self-worth issues and a tendency for violence. Most characters in Bleach, and especially male characters, aren’t allowed to really stop and think about what they’re feeling, doing -- Ichigo being able to do a decent amount of that, yes, with his protagonist badge, but even then ?  It’s pathetically insufficient, barely a taste of what Ichigo actually should be experiencing, and no other characters are allowed to mourn losses or suffer long-lasting consequences for their actions, for injuries, for mistakes, for harmful words or acts. It’s an action / fighting series, the audience is here for big flashy swordfights and cool abilities, not emotions. Certainly not darker topics of PTSD and the like.

          You can slice it any which way, but Gin grew up as a child soldier. It can be contrasted by the fact that the majority of the Gotei 13 / Shinigami characters are shown, in flashbacks, as entering the Academy whilst in adulthood, becoming Shinigami once adults, with the exception of people like Toshiro, Momo, Hiyori, who all look / are perpetually young.

          Gin is a little older than Toshiro, for context, by the way -- and he is younger than Byakuya. Because Tite doesn’t know how the ages of his own characters work, it can be argued that Gin and Hiyori are possibly within the same ballpark in terms of ages. But like. Look at her. What the fuck. ANYWAYS, the point is ?  Gin’s young, and his trauma is fairly fresh. From the Winter War -- and then 110 years into the past to the Turn Back the Pendulum arc -- Gin spends the majority of his childhood either playing caretaker for Rangiku, who is actually a little older than him, and then killing; first, the three Shinigami that attacked Rangiku, then the Third Seat of the Fifth Division, and then many more likely during his career of observing failed projects at Aizen’s side, witnessing horrific Hollowification experimentations, and many more things. The crucial period of development for things like higher level empathy  ( Gin showcases it by sharing his food with Rangiku, a stranger, and then we see the absolute absence of it from then on )  and Gin swiftly enters into the midst of Erikson’s industry vs. inferiority stage of development; what does he have to offer the world ?  What can he become ?  Will he be good enough ?  This is the stage in which Gin makes the connection as well as makes peace with becoming a monster; this is what I’m offering, this is what I’m becoming, this will be good enough.

          He flipped a switch. It’s questionable whether or not Gin has the ability to cry once he’s an established Third Seat. It’s gone, it’s been swallowed down a hole so deep and dark Gin doesn’t want to go searching for it. He doesn’t want to cry. Gin already has a negative connotation connected to crying given his quote “I’m gonna become a Shinigami, change things for ya, so that you don’t have to cry anymore, Rangiku.” Not crying = good. Not crying means better. Rangiku crying over what was done to her was what embedded into Gin that he needed to be stronger. No crying allowed. None. In his mind, obviously, Gin doesn’t actually make that connection that ‘because Rangiku did this, I’ll do this’ no, he’s not so meticulously aware yet, but there’s certainly an imprint left on him from those earlier years in the Rukongai, dreading her tears, hating them, hating those men, and so crying = murderous intent. Crying = anger.

          If Gin cried as a child, he didn’t realize he was doing so. I can see him crying in his sleep from a dream, a nightmare, a jam-packed series of emotions hitting him whilst vulnerable, whilst unable to smile and swallow it all down. I can see him waking from it and wiping at his face, feeling utter detachment like an ache in his chest, an otherness, like that wasn’t even him crying, that wasn’t him. Gin wouldn’t think more of it, he wouldn’t dare linger on the thoughts. Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know.mp4 and all that jazz.

          Gin is more likely to lash out in anger than let himself cry. I have a headcanon / drabble somewhere of Gin screaming into his inner world, clutching at his hair, feeling so terribly close to crying but he can’t, it literally will not happen. He’s too bottled up and frustrated from that that when he actually has an opportunity to cry and it doesn’t naturally happen because he’s become so suppressed, it just outright angers him. Because he has latched everything up, lock and key, by the time Gin’s an adult -- if he were to cry as an adult, it’d be during a flurry of explosive emotions. He cannot just casually let loose, no, that door’s jammed shut, it’s been coiled tight in him. A pit of despair by the time the Winter War rolls by. Gin admits to feeling anxiety, dread, during that conflict -- a sign of slowly coming undone, no longer able to keep himself from hesitance, doubt, insecurity, and anticipation hovering around him like a dark cloud. Gin cannot cry, though, not now. Not when he’s so close to making all the pain worth something...

          So it’s no surprise that Gin really only starts getting the actual opening to properly cry in my canon divergent verses. But the catch !!!!  Gin has failed so thoroughly and so brutally that he feels he doesn’t deserve to weep about it. That this is merely a fraction of the karma he deserves. He experiences suicidal ideation, daydreaming of how it’d simply be easier if he hadn’t survived at all. He feels too hollow to cry, then, at the start. He feels too heavy, too much, it’s too much to cry about. He ruined himself and Rangiku for nothing. He did all of this for nothing. And now Rangiku wants answers, still waiting, watching him, and he can’t cry in front of her. IT’S STILL INGRAINED IN HIM FROM CHILDHOOD: she’s the one who cries and he’s the one who comforts. The audacity of him to cry in front of her after everything he put her through, as though he were the victim and her the one needing to comfort him. Gin may be morally gray, but at times he truly sees the world in black and white. No moderation, no give and take.

          It’d hit him later, when he’s learning to become more vulnerable. When he’s trying to open up to Rangiku about something he has to rip from himself, his heart holding onto this sorrow for so long Gin has to surgically remove the truth from himself. AS A CHILD, WITNESSING WHAT HAPPENED TO RANGIKU COUNTS AS A TRAUMATIC EVENT. Not talking about it for 110+ years does a number or two on you when you at last, FINALLY, tell her the fucking scoop. Gin repressed what happened to Rangiku because he recognized that Rangiku did not fully and properly remember, recollect, what happened to her. He knew. Gin saw.

          Compartmentalizing her trauma on top of his own, as though a keeper of it, a sin-eater, Gin would feel absolute despairing relief at finally telling her. Despairing because he’ll be inflicting upon her something he’s been holding back, holding that door shut, for the entirety of their knowing of one another, and to finally let go of the door and let that beast of trauma go charging at her undeterred ?  There’s immense guilt attached to this entire affair. Gin feels childlike guilt; why her, and not me ?  I wish it could’ve been me, we could’ve traded places and I’d be fine, I’d live, we could live happy together.  Akin to survivor’s guilt, Gin wishes those men had found him and taken a piece of his soul rather than Rangiku’s. The ‘why’ of it haunts him. Why her. Why didn’t I stop them. Why didn’t I show up sooner. I could’ve bitten at them, kicked and hit, we could have escaped together -- or at least you could have. Gin also feels guilt at a base adult level: why am I keeping this from her ? No, it’s too late to tell her, she’s happier now, there will never be a good time to tell her.

          There are so many things, feelings, thoughts, that Gin has never shared with Rangiku due to it all being tied to the unspoken secret he’s let fester inside of him.

          SO WHEN GIN FINALLY TELLS RANGIKU WHY HE JOINED AIZEN, WHY HE TRIED TO KILL AIZEN, WHY HE SAID THOSE WORDS TO HER DURING THAT BLIZZARD AND BECAME A SHINIGAMI ... GIN’S GOING TO BREAK DOWN.

          The truth is tied to vulnerability in Gin’s mind. Telling it means ripping himself apart at the seams. Everything he crafted himself out to be was made around this secret. It’s going to be bloody, it’s going to hit him like a fucking train. Gin’s going to feel it coming, rumbling on the tracks, he’ll hear it even, that approaching storm, he’ll know by the prickle at his eyes and the closing of his throat, but still nothing’s ever prepared him for the absolute choked finality of the truth, and he’s going to do his best to hold it back -- it’s instinctive, it’s in his blood by now to mask it, stop it, divert and drawl his way out of it. But this time he can’t just stop halfway and distract her, talk about something else. No, Gin’s cornered himself and it’s high time Rangiku got the truth from him, he can’t run away any more. He’ll have to grit his teeth and talk through it, swallow it back just enough to speak, to tell her what he’s done to them both and for what, for why, it’s the worst possible conversation they could ever have, but one they need. And Gin’s going to find himself incapable of holding back a sob the more he discloses, the more that slips out and escapes him the more the emotions tied to that sunken anchor come up too. He will feel simultaneously lighter and heavier for it.

          There are numerous ways Gin’s thought about wording it. He’s thought about the numbed approach, MISSION REPORT style: Aizen Sousuke harvested souls from the 64th Rukongai District, they took a piece from you. Perhaps not, no, not like that. Maybe... back when y’were a kid, there were three Shinigami assigned to the 64th District to collect souls to fuel Aizen Sousuke’s Hogyoku. They took somethin’ from you. I saw it. I saw them hoverin’ over you, I saw it in their hands. I saw’em offer it up to Aizen in the forest, collectin’ firewood. I saw him.

          WHY DIDN’T I STOP HIM, WHY DIDN’T I ATTACK THOSE THREE MEN THEN AND THERE IN BROAD DAYLIGHT WITH YOUR COLLAPSED FORM A FEW FEET AWAY, MAYBE I COULD HAVE TAKEN THEM ON AFTER ALL. I COULD HAVE CRUSHED A SKULL IN WITH STONE, I COULD’VE STOLEN HIS SWORD BEFORE THE LIFE FULLY FADED FROM HIM AND MADE IT VANISH, I COULD’VE CARVED THROUGH THE SECOND, SLICE THE TENDON AT THE THIRD’S ANKLE AS HE ATTEMPTED TO FLEE, WARN OTHERS. SLIT HIS THROAT AS HE CRAWLED AWAY. YOU’D HEAR IT, OFF TO THE SIDE. YOU’D SEE ME COME UP TO YOU WITH BLOOD SPLATTERS. YOU’D SEE ME LEAN OVER YOU WITH NOT A PERSIMMON OFFERED, NO, YOUR OWN FUCKING SOUL THEY PLUCKED FROM YOU. SHAKY HAND. BLOODIED HAND. TAKE IT, TAKE IT BACK. I FIXED IT --

          Just tell her. JUST TELL HER.

          DO YOU REMEMBER THE DAY WE MET, RANGIKU ... ?

[neko-bri]

Drabble~ Scars [HitsuHina]

Hi hi!!! It's Bri Bri here! I worked on this but, it is rusty due to me not writing for a while. I do hope you like it and I know it may be bad. I hope you enjoy the drabble! I love these two so much!! Momo and Toshiro have been my ship for a long time since first starting Bleach. I loved their interaction and also, I wanted to write more on my ship! < 3

Each night it was scary. To sleep alone, feel the blankets laying on top of her. The warmth of the soft fabric against one's skin. Fingertips squeezed against the blanket in comfort. Twisting and turning on the bed. Feeling tears creating in her eyes. The fear of being alone. Terrified of that dream she had over and over. Her love her admiration taken away. By the one she trusted, the one who gave her hope. He...ripped it with that blade through her chest. Stabbed. Blood leaking out in pain, that blade struck in her chest. How could he do this...? Why did he do it? Her heart is broken over the fact he lied to her. Lied to everyone and used her. The tears fell even more. In the darken room, where she slept after being let free to go. Those nightmares don't go away. They don't! 

"Was it my fault...? Could I have not noticed due to my love and admiration?" Hinamori whispered those words. Not understanding she still questioned why he did it. Knowing in her heart he never loved her. She was nothing but a doll to him. To be used like a doll on string like a puppet. It was then---she heard a noise due to her screaming. Someone came inside it was Toshiro her childhood friend who came.

"Oi, Hinamori wake up!" His hand lightly touched her shoulder trying to wake her. He came to see her like they were planned to do. To watch the stars together just like they always use to do as children in the rukon district. The brunette would quickly sit up with full on tears down her face. "No!!" She panicked sitting up on the bed. "Don't hurt them!! Don't do it!" She yelled out when two hands gripped her shoulders tightly. "HINAMORI!!" Momo eyes widen in shock, her eyes blurred with a vision of watery tears. "S...Shiro-chan..?" Her whisper had a cracked tone in her voice. 

"Hinamori..." The white haired male spoke full concern for her. Knowing full well what she gone through even suffered from him due to Aizen's trick. He left a scar on her that could not be erased. Nor could he ever forgive himself for it. Quickly wiping her tears away, both of her hands would wipe the watery tears. "W...What are you doing here, Shiro-chan?" She asked in a more calm tone. Toshiro let out a sigh, soft yet a little frustrated that she forgot. 

"Didn't you want to see the stars? You came earlier to ask and I came here to get you." His tone was gentle yet calm. He knew she missed going even if it was a little before bed. It brightened her mood. 

"Oh! That's right...I after finishing my paperwork I.." Recalling her earlier tracks with coming in her room to nap after her Taichou Hirako had ordered her to finish up the work which she knew he wanted to listen to his jazz music. Of course she scolded him. Still---she was looking forward to watching stars with Shiro-chan. Staring at Hinamori Toshiro had his teal eyes look into her eyes full of worry. "Hinamori...are you sure you are alright? You were having another nightmare weren't you?" He didn't let his voice show any panic but, truthfully he felt she was dreaming of the past again. Hinamori couldn't deny it. She knew Shiro-chan would always worry. He always did look out for her. Never would she want to worry her best friend. "Ah...no Shiro-chan I was just having a dream about Hirako-Taichou. He was...giving me all his work again. It was no---" 

Just then Toshiro raised his voice to stop Momo. "Hinamori, I know you were having one because I heard you screaming!" He spoke loudly but full of worry. Seeing her kimono it did show the scar she gotten from him. His teal eyes looked full of sorrow, of agony for what he did. Tears fell down her face, looking at Toshiro with sadness. "Shiro-chan.." Not wanting to worry him. No! She never wanted that...never in her mind did she wish for his sadness. "I...didn't want to worry you. I...just..." she suddenly felt arms wrapped wound her tightly. Pulling her into a embrace, feeling her body just lay against his chest. His arms wrapped around her back, not too tightly as he knew she was fully recovered. However, her nightmares still came back. Some nights they were gone some nights they weren't. He often tried to come check on her. 

Grabbing onto his Haori, tightly her fingers trembling against him. Her breathing rapidly going faster. Feeling her body slowly relax, smelling the scent on Toshiro. It was relaxing, calming, even putting her heart and mind at ease. "Hinamori, don't deal with this all on your own! You know...I will be here." His words spoke in a soft whisper. 

How can I have her feel less alone? Why does she always do this? He has to protect her from any pain. Knowing full well she was scared to trust. He knew that and yet...

Tears fell down her face, sobbing onto his black shihakusho. Taking a deep breath, her lips stopped quivering. "Shiro-chan...I...I..." she stopped when Toshiro just kept her in his arms. "Hinamori... You don't have to tell me now. Cry out your tears." He would hear Momo cry again knowing she bad a bad nightmare and he didn't want her to stress more. He didn't want to see her in pain. 

Minutes had passed after Momo lifted her head off of Toshiro's chest. Her chocolate eyes staring into his teal eyes. Seeing he was relaxed and only worried about her. "Shiro-chan, thank you for letting me cry. I...just didn't want to worry you. I always wanted to keep this to myself." She would speak knowing he would always tell her it was alright to speak with him.

Just then a flicker lightly flicked her head. "Hinamori... you bed wetter! I will always be willing to listen no matter what is going on! You always did forget." He would sigh slowly before continuing, "I know it isn't easy...just know I will never leave your side no matter what happened in the past. I will always forgive you." He spoke softly, his words full of gentleness. Momo would rub her head, feeling the slight pain but she would smile hearing his words. She knew he never would even after all that happened, he was always there and never would abandon her. Her eyes widen in a slight anger. "Shiro-chan!! I am not a bed wetter!! I don't do that anymore. What am I to do with you?" Her eyes soften before she smiled at Toshiro.

"Thank you...Shiro-chan." Momo said when Toshiro would glare. "What did I say Hinamori! You are to call me by Hitsugaya-Taichou!" He said when she looked at him in surprise. "Ah, yes...I forget but, Shiro-chan." She said in a soft tone to stand up where she would fix her robes. Walking to go towards her door. Hearing footsteps behind her it was Toshiro who walked with her to go outside on the roof where they often watch the stars. "I did ask you to come view the stars with me didn't I? Thank you, Shiro-chan."

Once they both used flash step, sitting on the roof with carrying soft pillows for their bottoms. Just for extra support, a warm smile appeared on the brunette face. Her chocolate eyes stared up at the many lights in the darkness sky. They glimmer with a light that calmed her worried heart. The scars will not fade however they will always remain there. A reminder of what transpired. The pain and yet growth. The growth in maturity of learning to heal slowly and forgive. Momo would never hate Toshiro for what has happened. That day when he stabbed her due to Aizen's trickery. She often touched the scar with one hand. A smile appeared on her face, taking a deep breath when she let her head lay on his shoulder. She did not blame him nor hate. The scar reminds her of their bond remaining strong even now. 

Toshiro did not move---he stayed still to feel the warmth from Momo. Her warmth of being alive, being here with him was all he needed. Watching the stars together since childhood. That was enough for him. It was more than enough...he will always make sure she was safe and here with him. He would see Momo eyes closed to relax against him. His head would rest on top of hers as his smile was shown. The starry skies, the cool night air, mixed with the quiet of the crickets chirping. The light wind breeze as Momo fallen asleep comfortably on Toshiro. He remained there watching the stars where he will remain to be near her. 

       Always protecting her...always here.