#I kept this on my desktop all month waiting for this day

[3-2-whump]

Tying Up Loose Ends

<prev

Okay I'm back!

(But you had hardly left!)

Whatever! Here's the next chapter and the conclusion of this

TW/CW: creepy whumper, jealous whumper, manipulative whumper (I guess?), nsfwhump (not graphically described), noncon (at the very end, not graphically described, and honestly you could end the chapter just before it happens and it would still make sense)

A rhythmic series of knocks reverberated through the door of the office at half past eleven, just as Thomas had planned. He scooted closer towards his desk and minimized the windows he had opened on his desktop PC. “Come in,” he replied.

The door cracked open. The kid –Nico, my nephew, Michael once told him–stepped hesitantly inside, shoulders to ears, brows drawn tensely. “Y-you wanted to see me, Boss?”

“I did.” He gestured to a chair in front of the desk. Nico approached it stiffly, visibly uncomfortable being so close to the Don of the Costa Family. “Oh come on, sit down, I don’t bite, you know!” he chuckled.

Nico briefly looked around the room, eyes bright and alert. “Wait, where’s Khaled?” he asked, blinking at the empty space behind the Boss’ chair.

“On a coffee run,” Thomas answered simply. He suppressed an eye roll as Nico looked down, squinting at the bottom of the desk as if he could see through it if he stared hard enough. He cleared his throat, and Nico snapped his gaze back up. “I could ask him to get you something before he leaves the café, if you’d like?”

Nico shook his head. “I wouldn’t want to inconvenience him like that,” he insisted. The young man drew back the chair and took his seat across from the Don, and waited in questioning silence.

No matter how many times he had rehearsed this meeting in his head, nor how many arrangements he had to make over the past couple days to lead the boy to this point, Thomas still couldn’t help the nerves that feathered into the edges of his composure. Keep it cool, keep your tone calm, never betray how you truly feel, stay in control, a familiar voice once told him.

“So, how’s school?” An innocuous line, and as good an opener as any.

“Great, it’s been great.” Nico huffed an awkward little laugh as he hung his signature smile. “Which reminds me, thank you so much for allowing me this job in the first place, sir! I never got to thank you properly, or in person before-”

Thomas stopped him with one raised palm. “Hey, hey, that wasn’t all me. Let’s give a little credit to your Uncle Mike, too, right?” Nico conceded with another awkward laugh. “I understand it that this job helps you pay for your schooling, is that correct?”

“I mean, yeah,” Nico began to answer. “I don’t know how much college was back in your day, let alone law school-”

I never went to college, Thomas remembered, trailing off into his own thoughts as Nico kept nervously rambling. That was never really my scene. Never really had the brains for it, or the personability, according to my teachers. My brother, the Golden Child, on the other hand…

He redirected his thoughts at the right time where Nico started to complain about the most important part. “Wait, can you say that again?” he requested.

“My last tuition payment didn’t go through,” Nico repeated, an edge of desperation in his voice. “And if I don’t scrounge up enough money within the next two months, I won’t be able to afford my next semester’s worth of classes!”

Thomas gave a sympathetic expression of concern, even though he knew about this all along. After all, he was the one who delayed the payment to the college. “Is that so?” he asked with feigned interest.

The door cracked open again, though this time a familiar young intern entered. He cradled a cup of coffee in one hand and carried a takeout bag in the other. The guard whipped his head around, nearly bolting from his chair in shock. “Khaled?”

“Nico?” The boy approached, dumbfounded as he wordlessly set the spoils of his errand onto the Boss’ desk.

“You actually were out?” This time, Thomas rolled his eyes. Was it so hard to believe he used his fuck toy for honest work sometimes? (He supposed maybe yes, considering how much Nico had probably inadvertently witnessed over the past three years.)

Khaled’s well-timed entry provided a natural transition to the second half of his plan. “Speaking of which, I would like to thank you for looking out for Khaled this last weekend,” Thomas said. His boy silently took up post behind the desk, standing up straight with eyes slightly downcast, as he had trained him. “You’re a good kid for that. Most guys, they probably would’ve taken liberties, but not you.” Thomas craned his neck to look over his office chair. “Isn’t he a good kid?”

“Yes, sir,” Khaled readily agreed.

“Oh, no, please, I’d have done that for anybody! He’s my friend.” Thomas noticed how Nico cast a furtive glance at the boy behind him.

Friend, my ass. The very thought of how ‘friendly’ those two might have gotten had he not intervened that night made him seethe in possessive jealousy, though he maintained that icy façade of control.

“Of course, even if Khaled doesn’t remember it, you and I both know he was a wreck, wasn’t he?” The boy had sworn up and down and sideways that he didn’t remember what he had told his friend that night, no matter how much he’d tried to beat a confession out of him. Thomas leaned over the desk, dropping the volume of his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. Since Khaled still had no idea what he had told Nico, the next best course of action was to discredit his words entirely. “He was saying some pretty crazy things, wasn’t he? Things that you and I both know not to take too seriously?”

“Well… I don’t know” Nico began, “don’t they say ‘in vino veritas?’”

“Don’t they also say ‘God don’t pay tuition?’”

You’re being too blunt again, a familiar voice in his memory chastised. Yet he couldn’t help but smile as he saw understanding dawn on the young man’s face. “Well, go on,” he coaxed the young man standing behind him. “Tell him.”

Khaled bristled uncomfortably before hanging his head low. “He’s right,” he agreed somberly. “I may not remember what I said, but, it was probably not true. You should just forget it.”

“But, Khaled-” Nico began to protest.

“You heard him yourself, kid,” Thomas cut in. “Now, you’re gonna forget whatever it was he said when he was wasted, and just keep studying hard, alright?”

Nico attempted to make meaningful eye contact beyond the boss’ shoulder, but Thomas didn’t have to turn around to know Khaled would keep his eyes firmly fixed to the floor. The young guard let out a defeated sigh as he slumped back in the chair and offered a small, reluctant nod. “Yes, sir. Like it never even happened,” he muttered.

Check mate.

“Good boy.” Thomas leaned back in his chair, his hands folding on the top of the desk as his mouth curled into a small smirk of victory. “Now, try contacting Student Financial Services again. I have a feeling your tuition payment might’ve been resolved after all.” He waved him off with a final self-satisfied smile. “You may go.”

The kid looked green around the gills as he pushed himself up from the chair and excused himself from the room. As soon as he left, Thomas swiveled around to face the boy behind him. Khaled ventured a resentful, hopeless glare into his owner’s eyes before looking once again to the floor. “Well?” he goaded. Khaled did not rise to the bait.

Thomas pushed away from the desk, motioning to the familiar darkness underneath the hardwood like he was commanding a dog to lie. “Go on.” He took a sip of the slightly cooled coffee as he watched his intern crouch and fold himself into the space with stiff reluctance. “You know what to do, and you know how hard you need to work to get back in my good graces,” he sneered. “Now, put that tongue of yours to a better use.” He pushed himself back in and trapped the young man underneath the desk.

Le Tag List: @kabie-whump @rainydaywhump @whumped-by-glitter @skittles-the-whumpee @generic-whumperz @bamber344

[flaresanimedump]

[jiminrings]

478 couple finding out that they’re pregnant please!! 🥺

478: drabble

alternatively, it’s jungkook’s birthday and your gift is last-minute :)

[ 478 masterlist ] 

It’s your fault that you waited this long to pick out a present for Jungkook.

Work has been so hectic with your back-to-back promotions (the most recent one having you camp out for a game show) that Jungkook’s birthday had just kind of flitted at the edge of your mind, his presence always assuring you that you could turn off your brain whenever you’re with him.

When you’re with your husband, you don’t have to worry if you left the stove on or if you kept the water running. You don’t have to look both ways when you’re crossing the street and neither do you have to double-check if you put your car on park. As soon as you strip yourself from your work clothes, Jungkook takes over as the only functioning brain for you both — so much so, you forget that it’s already your husband’s birthday tomorrow.

“Ugh, your iPad must be so old already, huh?” you snicker, narrowing your eyes at the device that Jungkook’s mindlessly doodling on. He furrows his brows at that, chuckling at your expression that seems hellbent on gaslighting him into thinking that it really is old.

“You just got me this last month.”

“I did?” you sputter, eyes widening slightly until you remember that you did just gift it to him randomly. You recover from your surprise quickly, clearing your throat. “Ah, you must be on your iPad then because your desktop’s gotten slow now.”

Jungkook fully stops what he’s doing this time, a budding smirk growing on his face. He doesn’t know exactly what you’re playing at but he thinks it has something to do with him being an appreciative househusband (is that what you were getting at?), slipping his mind likewise that it’s literally his birthday tomorrow.

“Baby, you upgraded my setup for our anniversary, remember?”

“I knew that,” you purse your lips, the defensive scoff leaving you convincing him for now. God knows how shitty of an actress you could be when the cameras aren’t pointed on you and you’re facing Jungkook of all people, but with his brain doing the heavy lifting for the both of you at the moment, it hasn’t sunk in him yet that you’re looking for a specific answer — a specific gift.

You already have two cakes and atleast you’ve got that part covered for your husband’s birthday, your indecisiveness letting it peek through that you’re attempting to overcompensate for your forgetfulness. The first one was just the same exact ice cream cake that Jungkook asked for earlier and the second one’s a little more expensive and a little less over-the-counter; a little more of you trying to make up for the possibility that you can’t brainstorm of a gift within the day.

It’s only half an hour until midnight and yet even if you already called absent for work the next day, you still can’t be placated without holding something, anything to present Jungkook for his birthday.

“I don’t think I can hold out until 12,” Jungkook yawns, already tucking his face against your neck. He pretends to snore obnoxiously but he doesn’t even know if he was only kidding around at this point, the need to succumb to the covers overtaking him than meeting another year of his life on the dot.

“What are you so sleepy for?” you hum, combing your hand through his hair. He visibly shudders at your touch and you feel comforted enough just by giving Jungkook extra attention, momentarily releasing your stress from racking your brain alone.

“Crochet,” he mumbles, pressing one chaste kiss to your collarbone before rubbing his head against you. You’re practically cradling him in your arms at this point and he doesn’t mind one bit, even if you inch him closer and closer to his side of the bed to tuck him in. “Was crocheting hats for Miso all morning when you were gone.”

“She hates hats,” you snort, stroking his hair gently.

“She can suck it up. I’m literally allergic to her but she’s been with us for years,” he huffs, readjusting his position on the bed whilst cuddling up to you. “Besides, I made it for the three of us so we can wear it when we take pictures with the cake.”

You’ve never been more awed.

Your brain has been scrambled for the past week yet this is the surest it’s ever been when you think to yourself that Jungkook is unbelievably real and in your grasp, painstakingly endearing and lovable.

“You’re so-…” you clear your throat, the sudden wave of emotion catching you off-guard. You look down on Jungkook but he’s already passed out, the light snoring almost making you laugh if not for your sudden burst of motivation to go to the bathroom.

It’s a sudden urge in your brain that just appears, only willing to be quelled if you just opened the drawer and took out the box of pregnancy tests that remained untouched since your purchase last week.

It’s a sudden stillness in your heart that comes out when you don’t even hold your breath to look at the results, the word pregnant as clear as the two solid lines that stare back at you.

It’s a sudden purpose that builds in your entire being when you practically jump out of the shower and look for an empty jewelry case in your vanity, fingers shaky as you encase the positive test with resoluteness.

It’s midnight when you shake Jungkook awake so hard that he genuinely thinks there’s an earthquake, arms sleepily jolting to cover his head and nape. He blinks away the sleepiness until he settles on your face, a smile immediately gracing his visage.

“Another one?” he chuckles, taking the case from you. “You already gave me a bracelet two weeks ago.”

You have no words when you shake your head, the words that are just dying to be squealed out remaining on your throat. Your husband looks at you in mischief, eyebrows playfully furrowed until he opens up the case.

Jungkook doesn’t know how to react point-blank but he knows the incredible warmth that spreads around him, eyes immediately watering when he looks up at you.

“Happy birthday,” you whisper, bottom lip already trembling. “You’re gonna be a dad.”

[bookofbonbon]

Just a quick PSA - please share (and maybe save an account that's been wrongly/mistakenly terminated!)

For those that don't know my main account (@blogofbonbon) was abruptly terminated yesterday which had also resulted in all of my sideblogs (including this one) being terminated along with it!

I was lucky enough to have my main account along with all of my sideblogs reinstated within a short 24 hours without any issues however, I found from other people's experience that it took some of them days, weeks even months before their accounts were reinstated.

I still don't actually have an answer as to why this has happened but, the general consensus from those who have experienced it is that it's a mistake/glitch.

Anyways, I thought I'd just make a quick post about what to do if you find yourself in this position!

What does it look like when it happens?

Everything on my dashboard disappeared and nothing would load.

The tumblr app kept sending me notice over and over again that I was unauthorised to access/the connection had been dropped/I need to log in (despite not having logged out).

I didn't receive any notice or email from tumblr explaining or giving a reason as to why my account had been suddenly terminated.

When I attempted to login on desktop, it would just redirect me back to the login page.

When I attempted to go directly onto any of my blogs via their url, it would say that my blogs didn't exist - they were all just gone.

Your existing posts will not come up as 'deactivated00000000' next to your username in the same way that it does on a post from an account that has actually been deactivated - it displays your username as normal with the anonymous tumblr icon and nil option to click on your username.

What to do if this happens?

This post on reddit details in depth what to do but, I will summarise below.

There are three ways to go about it - only do ONE. If you do multiple it just backs up the system and takes longer for them to work through/process requests.

Reach out via Tumblr Support (this is the 'official' way to go about it).  https://www.tumblr.com/support -> select terminated account and provide details of what happened, your username and URL.

If you have twitter - send a tweet to @/tumblr or @/tumblrsupport (preferably tumblr support) with what happened, your username and URL.

Make a post on the linked subreddit above or DM u/tumblr_acct_help your username and URL.

I personally chose to go through Tumblr Support.

PLEASE NOTE:

If you go through twitter/reddit but, have genuinely violated Tumblr TOS - they will tell you they cannot assist you via twitter/reddit.

If you go through Tumblr Support - @goldensmilingbird found that apparently support tickets with emails attached to terminated accounts don't go through!

I can't speak to whether this is the case or not (using the email attached to the terminated account) as I had initially sent a support ticket through my (at the time) terminated accounts email but, I heeded the warning anyway and had sent a support ticket through a backup account of mine under a different email.

When sending a support ticket via a different email:

Provide details of what happened and again, provide your username, URL and the email attached to the terminated account!

What to do after?

Unfortunately once you have done those things, you just have to wait!

As I stated above, don't send multiple tickets/tweets/dm's/posts on multiple platforms as all it does is slow the process down and backs the system up.

If the termination of your account was a genuine mistake/glitch, your account should be reinstated without any issues HOWEVER, when it is reinstated it will likely happen without any notice or email from tumblr so, you just have to keep an eye on your blogs! Check your URL's every now and then throughout the day.

If you have genuinely violated the Tumblr TOS' then whether the issue is resolved and your account reinstated will be up to the discretion of Tumblr.

Hopefully this is helpful to anyone who needs it or to anyone who knows someone who may need it!

[morphofan]

Hyper-Fixation and The Bad Batch

Or, "WTF Is Going On With Morph, Lately?"

Me and The Bad Batch

SO, I first started watching The Bad Batch during the hiatus between S1 and S2. I was big into Boba Fett (thanks to The Mandalorian) and so I found The Bad Batch because Boba was mentioned in one episode. But I didn’t sit down to watch it until my friend, Cyn, told me I HAD to watch it.

So I watched the whole first season, and then had to go back and watch The Bad Batch arc in Season 7 of The Clone Wars. I was hooked. I couldn’t wait for Season 2. I was writing again, inspired again, hyper-fixated.

My sweet cat, my baby, Thomas, died at age 5 in November of 2022. It emotionally destroyed me.

Then my desktop computer had a total hard drive failure. Up until then, I was backing stuff up in a separate folder on my computer, which did f*ckall because the entire hard drive went bad. This was before I learned about backing stuff up on a cloud or OneDrive or whatever.

I lost all my fics, including a half-dozen Bad Batch fics in various states of completion. It was some of the best work I’ve ever written, and it was gone. Poof.

So, there was that sense of lost, and I almost left the fandom from sheer depression. I tried to rewrite the fics, but it wasn’t going to work because I knew I could never replicate what I had written.

Then came “Plan 99.”

I didn’t eat for a week. Not a bite, not a calorie. For seven days. I dropped 16 pounds. At the time of this writing, it’s been nearly 10 months since the finale of S2. The Bad Batch has occupied my mind this entire time. I couldn’t tell you what I did over the last ten months, because it was all just a long blur. I neglected my family, my duties, all the things that a grown ass woman is supposed to focus on.

I still tried to contribute to the fandom, with “Travels With Tech,” fic and video edits, but most of it has been more or less ignored.

A week or so ago, the friend that originally told me about TBB died, very suddenly, of a heart attack at age 45, leaving three kids.

We still haven’t been publicly shown the S3 Bad Batch teaser that was revealed at Star Wars Celebration back in May 2023. There’s been no word of a release date, aside from 2024. It feels now like the creators are mocking us by dropping little comments on TwiX about S3, but not actually giving us anything.

And I’ve realized now, that I’ve built up S3 in my head so much, and imagined so many scenarios I want to see, that I am destined to be disappointed when it does finally air. No matter how amazing S3 is, it cannot live up to the standards I’ve assigned it in my mind.

I did the same thing with S3 of The Mandalorian. I kept thinking, if I could just hold on until S3 of Mando, everything would be good again. But when it came, I was disappointed. And I know the same thing is going to happen with The Bad Batch.

Hyper-fixations always follow the same pattern. I get obsessed with something, and then, quite suddenly, it passes over and I become ambivalent to it. It’s happened with every fandom I’ve been with. Something that, for a time, I thought I could not live without becomes ho-hum. I don’t ever want it to happen, but it always does.

And now I have the guilt of wasting the last two years of my life on yet another hyper-fixation, only to lose interest in it just as suddenly as it started.

S3 of TBB is NOT going to make everything right again. It might provide some happiness for a few months, but then it will end and that will be it.

So anyway… sorry.

END

[persephones-journey]

Okay. It’s been 2 days since The Last Kingdom wrapped up with its movie. So, I have had time to ponder, and cry, and think, and be in denial, but I think it’s time I share what that show has done for me and how it may have changed my life.

All right, so picture this, I am scrolling on Tumblr on my desktop bored out of my mind, not writing, in fact I think at this point I hadn’t written anything in months. And then suddenly there’s this gif set.

I can’t tell you which person I follows that posted it but I do remember my first reaction: Is that Francis from Reign?

And I was right. It was a gif set of Aethelflaed and Aethelred’s wedding. I was mildly interested but kept scrolling. And then came another gif set; same wedding but this one had Finan and Aethelwold.

I did not know the characters names then but I did know that 1. Aethelwold called Finan an Irishman and I really do have a soft spot for guys with accents and 2. Finan saying ‘I’ll kill ya in your sleep’ had exactly no business being that sexy.

That gif set made me write down the name of the show ‘The Last Kingdom’ into my notebook of tv shows/crime documentaries to watch.

BUT

I did not watch it until later… You guessed it lockdown from COVID. I had so much time, so I binged the series.

And waited all through season 1 for Finan, he didn’t show and man, not going to lie, Uhtred was not making the best decisions. I almost quit the show… but I had a goal: sexy Irishman.

(I’m halfway joking about that…)

When I did reach season 2 and Finan, I found I had fallen for other characters; Ragnar, Hild, Leofric, Beocca, hell even Alfred was all right. But season 2 also brought Thyra, Sihtric, Gisela, and Osferth.

I loved the whole found family dynamic. And it helped a tiny bit that a lot of the actors were fairly good looking.

But I don’t think I actually fell in love with the show until season 3.

I know, all of you are like ‘we get it. Season 3 Finan was sexy, you have mentioned it before’ and I have. But honestly, look at him:

But it was more than just Finan looking sexy, (all my friends are like ‘you’re lying’) it was the Coccham Squad as a whole. They had grown closer and tighter. The storyline for season 3 was the perfect balance of heartbreak and triumph for me. Finan was a smartass, always saying what I was thinking. Sihtric had his spy moment and fake turn. Osferth was sweet and caring. And Uhtred, surprisingly he had grown as a character, unsurprisingly he was still making stupid decisions.

But this season is my fave for more than that. This season, it got that writing spark going again.

And as I moved onto season 4, that spark became a flame.

So I wrote like 600 pages, no chapter breaks, one doc per season of this idea I had. And I told myself that would be it. I didn’t expect the desire to write to last, and if it did I was a hardcore Supernatural girl. I had stories I needed to finish for that fandom.

Finan though, that sexy Irish bastard would not be denied.

And I found myself rewatching the series… I mean, I started at season 2 the episode where Finan shows up. ( sorry Em)

And I got another idea. And I just decided: Fuck it. And signed up to get an Ao3 account and started writing and posting.

Now, this is the part where I get a little emotional. It was through my fic that I met some of my closest friends. I got an invite to a Discord server and the rest is history.

I have laughed with these awesome peeps, cried with them, celebrated their victories, and shared in their defeats. Spent far too many hours talking about how sexy certain characters are *cough cough* Finan and Sihtric.

I found my own family, you could say.

So, yes, The Last Kingdom is over, there will be no new adventures with Uhtred and his pretty boys.

But I will still have my own adventures with the Bread team. @emilyhufflepufftlk @lauwrite1225 @morosemagick @solinarimoon @blah-blah-blah-bla @muddleofnervouswords @medievalfangirl @cibs @93xdiagonxalley @anotherwinchesterfangirl

And I have Uhtred, Finan, Sihtric, and Osferth to thank for that, along with the many other great characters who made that show so damn compelling.

So thank you to The Last Kingdom for bringing me my people.

Oh, and for dropping this incredibly sexy but so nerdy Scotsman on my radar…. But that’s another post 😉

[gabriellerudessa]

Arrival Celebration

I finished typing at 2 in the morning for Brazilians. Then things happened and I couldn't post it.

Now I can! Happy Arrival Celebration, Vyn Fandom, and Happy New Year to everybody else! Be with my watercolor and soft fanfic Prophetess x Tharaêl (almost 3k words, it was supposed to be short! *cries*)

This happens around nine months after the Rhalata questline, with Tharaêl and Arelyel already having found their way around each other. Hopefully I'll manage to write a longfic about these in detail lol (I started. Let's see were I go lol)

Anyway, hope you all like it! Cheers!

EDIT 5 Jan 2023: At my desktop, thank God. Corrected some typos and spacing and the wording of a phrase I hadn't noticed was weird. (posting this on my phone was crazy) You can read it on AO3 now if you prefer too.

Also, because of AO3, Titles! The one I choose comes from a line from the song "Taste" by Sleeping at Last.

(I almost named it Ricochet after the Starset song because it came up on my playlist as I started thinking of a title but TOO SAD)

What Light Tastes Like

The wood creaked and groaned and the wind howled outside the cave, sometimes overpowering her humming; still, the fire remained steady, illuminating the camp and her work, hands flying through the embroidery in progress.

She had to finish that night.

Barring a crippling injury, she would reach Ark the next day and it wouldn’t do for the gift to not be ready. Or she to lose for the second time the Arrival festivities. She was late enough as it was reaching the city on Arrival Day instead of before.

Cassiopeia, Sirius’ mother and a grandchildren of endraleans, would’ve had pulled her ears if Arelyel was late for Arrival in any of her ten years before the woman’s death.

Or finishing a gift so late.

As Arelyel understood now, gift giving wasn’t really a part of the Arrival Celebrations in Enderal, but she had loved the tradition that Cassiopeia had made a part of their lives. A spiced wine for Jespar, a treatise about the Order’s history for Calia, a scarf for Esme, even a dagger for Arantheal and herbs treatise for Yuslan… And some carefully chosen gifts for Constantine and Lishari and Sirius, buried by the side of a well-traveled path to be found by someone in need  –all dead, Sirius at the year before, but she had been unable to do the proper rite Cassiopeia had taught at the first Arrival she had spent in Enderal.

Only Tharaêl’s gift wasn’t ready. It took her ages to think properly of something, and obviously she had decided it should be something handmade.

It would make Cassiopeia proud. Arelyel had eight years when Sirius’ mother took her in, and for ten years had taught Arelyel so much – cook and sew and embroider and another dozen things from a gentler craft that Father had kept away from her hands.

Don’t. Think. About. Him.

A needle pinprick kept her in the present. She briefly stuck the finger in her mouth, just enough so blood wouldn’t mar the fabric.

In the lull of the work, she reached the bowl of wild berried and edible flowers she had gathered earlier with the other hand. Two lonely berries waited her.

Damn it, she had finished it already.

Sighing and praying for speed, Arelyel eat the last berries and went back to the embroidery.

-----------------

Tharaêl threw a look at the scroll by the table at the door side, shook his head, and went back to mixing the meat stew.

The invitation had arrived one week ago.

Arelyel had been gone already two weeks before it, three now, resolving things fuck-knows where.

He was worried, a little bit, it was unusual for her to be away so long at a time and last one she had returned… Almost as bad as when he had started living with her. He didn’t want a repeat. The worst was that he had no way of truly reaching and warning her about the Arrival Celebration at the Sun Temple she, as the Prophetess, should go.

As it was, night was falling already, meaning such Celebration was starting, together with the festivities at the market.

Maybe she had forgotten it was Arrival Day. Not that surprising if she got stuck at a sunless place for days, as it was prone to happen.

Maybe it was better this way. The invitation said “scarlet garments”, and the only red clothes Arelyel owned were the Order’s uniform. He had seen then once, months ago, when he helped her clean the house, at the bottom of a chest.

The door burst open, bringing with it a biting cold and some snowflakes. And Arelyel, armored robe dripping water and snow and bits of ice covering it in places.

“Malphas’ balls, when Ark got this cold?!” Tharaêl left the stew to close the door as Arelyel put her bursting backpack down, teeth chattering and skin cold-burnt.

“It was worse yesterday.” He locked the door, worry melting into contentment at her return.

“How?” Stiff fingers fought to unclasp her soaked cloak from the armor, and Tharaêl approached to help.

“Snowstorm. It let down during the night, but all day it kept snowing on and off like this.” The cloak fell heavily to the ground, and Arelyel groaned at the loss of weight.

“Oh. Hope it doesn’t get worse again. Thank you. Help me with the rest? My fingers really aren’t helping.”

Tharaêl hummed an agreement and threw a look at such fingers and their fingerless gloves as he started at another buckle of her armor. Pale, nails purple-ish. He hoped it was just superficial.

The both of them made quick work of divesting Arelyel from the armored robes, and soon the woman was standing in the middle of the room only in the shirt and leather pants she used under it all, thankfully mostly dry.

And then she hugged him, as she had for almost six months now.

The first three months she always asked if she could before, and always retreated if the answer was no. Then he said she didn’t need to ask anymore; she still let her arms loose so he could leave if he so wished, and only when he hugged back did she tighten them.

Tharaêl almost immediately put his arms around her shoulders tight and pressed her cold cheek against his clothed chest. There hadn’t been a hug he hadn’t returned – he didn’t want to relinquish it now that he had a taste. Also, with how many weeks she could be away, it wasn’t as if he got that many hugs.

“I missed you.” She whispered after a moment, arms around his middle tightening, and both of them relaxed, breaths deepening.

“… Me too.” He admitted after a moment, heartbeat too fast for some seconds. He was sure she could hear it, specially as she burrowed deeper in the hug, no space between them. Tharaêl felt as if they were trying to swallow each other.

Minutes passed, inside only the sounds of their breaths and of the fire in the hearth, outside hurrahs and happy screams as the night completely fell and the Arrival festivities started around the city.

But in between them, there was just an intimate and comfortable silence, and he felt a deep contentment, almost happiness, as the hug comforted and warmed them.

The screams outside had already dimmed when Arelyel retreated a little to look at him. He felt her hands, chastely at his sides, their recovered heat scorching through the fabric.

He didn’t know exactly what to do with his hands, not with her still so close. He never knew. In the end, he kept them at her elbows, half of him tempted to reinitiate the hug and keep it for days.

“What did I miss? Besides the beginning of the festivities, you know.”

“Well…” The question brought his thoughts back to the celebration at the Sun Temple that should’ve had just started. He looked over to the rolled parchment. “You were invited for the festivities of the Arrival at the Sun Temple. It must have started around now.” Tharaêl pressed his lips, a smile tugging at them at how her shoulders dropped. “You also must wear red for it.” Her shoulders tensed. “And something representing the Crimson Star.”

“I had to be the Prophetess and an Arcanist of the Order.” She mumbled, closing her eyes and breathing heavily through her nose. “Tealor will have my skin. When did the invite arrived?”

“One week ago.”

She blinked, then scoffed and rolled her eyes. Hard.

“I was at Duneville at the time and they knew because they sent me there and not even a note mentioning that maybe I should come back earlier.”

“Will you try to go?”

Arelyel pressed her lips, eyebrows tight in though, and let go of him, crossing her arms. Tharaêl let his hand fall, closing them in fists. He wanted her answer to be “no”. The invitation was clearly just for Arelyel, and he didn’t want to remain alone, not when she was in Ark.

“… I don’t know. I don’t even know if I have proper clothes. I’ll… Clean myself and decide.”

As she heaved the backpack on a shoulder and caught the rolled invitations, Tharaêl rolled her words and her voice over and over in his head. Something in the news about the invitation had subdued her happiness at being back, and he didn’t know what.

-------------

Arelyel faced her reflection, fingers dancing over the embroideries of the dress’ bodice.

The only red clothes she owned were the Order’s uniform. They had been used once, as she gained them, then forgotten in one of her chests, and it showed: they had been made for an Arelyel still too thin and scraggly of the months as a clandestine at a ship and then of living in the woods as she found her way through Enderal. The months after it, eating well and fighting and walking all over the country, had put back all the muscle and fat she had lost, and now she was once again the plump and rounded figure she always had been since her teenage years.

And even if the uniform still fit…

She would never use it again. It had been difficult already and she couldn't use it again.

Red was her mother’s and sister’s colors. They were always using it, beautiful in its vibrancy, and while Arelyel did use it as a kid, she always preferred the purples and lilacs.

Now, just the thought of dressing in red made her stomach roll and her vision darken at the edges. They were using red that day…

Pressing her eyes closed, she inspired deeply, the fragrance of the meat stew playing with her senses and making her stomach rumble with hunger. Back in the present.

Eyes open once more, she drank in the dress again and repeating to herself not red.

And it wasn’t.

Long, cotton outside and lined inside in wool, it was blessedly warm. And its wine-red color was deep enough to be almost purple. Just occasionally the light shone in the fabric just right and showed strands of red.

It should work.

She didn’t want to go to the Celebration.

Maybe she shouldn’t.

It wasn’t as if she had skirted around the final preparations for the market and caught glimpses of the food there. She was almost sure it would better than anything at the Sun Temple, as always – not because the food at the Sun Temple was bad, but because it would be almost exclusively for the nobles and rich, and months at the Nobles Quarter had taught Arelyel that she very much preferred the food of the common people. Tealor wouldn’t be happy, but when was he?

Still reflecting on going for the market, she raised her short cloak from the bed. Her eyes danced over the slightly irregular sewing against the dark-purple woolen fabric lined inside with fur, and her fingers danced over the red embroidery along the front, hundreds of tiny twelve-pointed stars spread out in a falling pattern, the string bright and eye-catching.

It was an almost exact replica of the one Cassiopeia had given her at her first Arrival in Sirius’ house. The original had been sadly lost in the civil war.

The woman had been faithful and devote. Had said that the stars where to remember Arelyel that, the same way Malphas had guided his followers, He had guided Arelyel to Cassiopeia and Sirius when she needed.

Even with her new knowledge, Areyel couldn’t bear the thought of the remade cloak not having the stars.

She threw the cloak over her shoulders and used a simple golden brooch to hold it together.

A last look in the mirror. A new reading of the invitation.

She would go to the market. There, Tharaêl could come – he had failed to mention that the invitation didn’t extend to company, otherwise she would have said from moment one that she wouldn’t go.

Better.

-------------

Arelyel came back down twenty minutes later, dressed in a deep wine-red dress, almost purple, and with short cloak reaching her wrist over it, light-brown hair down. The colors warmed her skin and even harmonized with the burn scar covering her chin.

Tharaêl forced himself to not stop breathing.

Why? It wasn’t as if she dressed that differently on a day to day basis.

Still, something… She was beautiful, but in that moment, somehow, she looked even more.

Deep in his chest, he felt it, and swallowed. A tiny bit of jealousy, that others would be able to look at her like that for the rest of the night, while he would have just this glimpse, this crumb.

Dressed like that, there was no way she wasn’t going to the Sun Temple, were he hadn’t been invited.

It was Arrival Day. Living in the Undercity, he had never celebrated it, barely acknowledged its existence. But after nine months under the sun… He had started to hope, before the invitation, that he would spend it at her side.

“… Hope you have fun and to like the food.” Tharaêl managed to say, voice steadier than he felt.

Arelyel stopped by the dinner table, fingers playing with the cloak’s hem.

“I won’t go to the Sun Temple Celebration, but to the market one.” A pause, licking lips. “Will you come with me, Tharaêl? I think the food there will be amazing.”

Warmth spread inside him, both from her own invitation, and from the sound of his name on her lips; every time she did it, it was like that, full of warmth and softness.

More hours beside her. That was everything he wanted.

“I’ll just get my cloak.”

Which he did. And then Arelyel was holding his wrist and looking better at such cloak.

“It is too threadbare, Tharaêl, it won’t keep you warm. Wait a second.”

She flew up the stars, then flew down, carrying a leather packet and pushing it towards him, eyes low.

Heartbeat fast, Tharaêl caught the packet and opened it. A neckline became visible, a gold amethyst brooch caught in thick dark blue-gray fabric.

He pinched the neckline in his hand and pulled. A cloak unrolled from the leather, inside lined in thick fur, fabric with the subtle gleam of magic, hundreds of tiny twelve-pointed stars embroidered at the front, a reflection of Arelyel’s own cloak. At a glance, it should just cover his hands.

Tears burned in his eyes. He had seen Arelyel sewing and enchanting the one she was using. It was obvious that the gifted one was also her job.

She had done so much for him, and now this.

“… It is beautiful.” His voice threatened to fail, but it kept on.

Arelyel smiled, eyes raising finally to his, and Tharaêl hoped his face managed to show just a glimpse of his own emotion to her.

He made a move to put the cloak, and Arelyel’s hand touched his.

“… Can I help you with it?”

Tharaêl’s voice disappeared, throat seemingly closed, and he needed long moments to be able to nod.

Arelyel stepped closer, pulling the cloak from his hands softly, and licked her lips.

“Can you lower a little, please?” she whispered, and Tharaêl leaned toward her in a mock reverence so she could reach his shoulders.

Their noses almost touched. He could see all the details of her face, all the different hues in her brown-eyes, all the marks of the cold at her cheeks, all the grooves of the burn scar, all the plumpness and natural red color of her lips. He breathed in, and the smell of lavender from her soaps enveloped his senses.

Arelyel threw the cloak over his shoulders, arm around his neck for a moment. He wished it was for more than a moment.

“You can straighten.” Another whisper, and he mourned the distance as he did as he was told.

Lastly, she fiddled with the brooch for some moments, then fixed the fabric over his shoulders… He wondered what exactly she saw at that moment, if a friend, or as someone… Worth of the same wonder and enchantment and whoever knew what else.

“How does it feel?” she asked, finally, bringing him back from his musings, and Tharaêl moved his arms.

“Comfortable, warm… Perfect.”

She smiled, and took hold of his wrist.

“Then it is time to go. Many foods to taste.”

As she pulled him towards the door, Tharaêl just laughed softly.

-----------------

The moment they were outside – snow and cold, but no wind –, Arelyel passed her arm around Tharaêl’s own, pressing their bodies close together and muttering about the “bloody cold” and that she hoped the market would be warmer.

Tharaêl laughed, then pulled the hood’s cloak over her head before doing the same with his.

As they walked towards the market and its merry sounds, he kept his eyes ahead, preoccupied with the patches of frozen snow around the city. He looked briefly to see Arelyel, her cheek pressed tightly against his shoulder, but not enough to caught her own glances at him – full o wonder, and enchantment, and who knows what else.

[cotecoyotegrrrl]

Once Upon A Time - Still Kind of Beautiful - part 2

Not exactly a holiday story

There's a letter on the desktop that I dug out of a drawer  The last truce we ever came to from our adolescent war  And I start to feel the fever from the warm air through the screen You come regular like seasons shadowing my dreams 

Indigo Girls

You can find of this story in its entirety on A03 and FF

Summary:

Holly has come home for the holidays to visit family, and maybe, just maybe, find some holiday magic.

Part 2

Holly is home for the holidays. Home. What a strange and wonderful thing, even though she hasn't lived in this city in a decade, Toronto still feels like home. She comes home about once or twice a year to spend a few weeks to a month visiting friends and relatives, living in the guestroom of what is now her sister's townhouse, although she still owns it. On longer visits, like this one, she combines pleasure with business, hanging out in the morgue, getting caught up with old colleagues, and now that she let her boss talk her into being on that stupid show, giving lectures and making a few official public appearances, God or somebody help her.

It used to be easier avoiding Gail. When Sophie and Leo were young, all that Traci needed to do was to get Gail to babysit the kids for an evening and they would meet up for drinks at The Black Penny. Now that the kids are both old enough to be in collage, it's harder, even though Holly knows Gail doesn't really go out much anymore. She knows she's taken the coward's way out. As Traci says, it's been ten years for Christ's sake, what is she still afraid of? They did part as friends. Right? And now, Traci tells her, laughing at her the whole time, Sophie is a big fan of the show and wants to meet her. It's like she's become the butt of some bad, sad cosmic joke. She sighs and drops her forehead into her arms that are resting on the bar. Seamus, the regular bartender at the Penny, pushes a Jack and Coke in front of her without being asked.

"It's good to see you Doc!" He says as he goes back to polishing the glassware, "This one's on me."

"Thanks Seamus!" She smiles, sitting back up to lift the glass to her mouth. The barely tainted liquor burns all the way down.

Just the way Gail likes it, or did, in any case.

It's been ten years, three months, and sixteen days since she kissed the blonde officer goodbye at the airport on her way to her new life, not that she would know. Ten years, three months, sixteen days, and nine and a half hours since she boarded that plane to be exact, if she kept track of those kinds of things. Ten years, three months, sixteen days, and four hours since she left a message on Gail's voicemail letting her know that her flight had landed in San Francisco, and began to wait for a reply that never came. She thought about reaching out to Gail when Traci told her that Sophie's adoption didn't go through, and then again a year and a half later, when it did. She had wanted to fly home and rush to Gail's side when she heard about the internal corruption investigation, and then the trial where Gail and Steve had been forced to testify against their parents, pitting them against each other as well. But the wall of silence had stopped her. She had seen Gail from a distance on several of her visits home, always managing to slip away before she was noticed, not wanting her presence to intrude on Gail's life. She had heard from several of their mutual friends about how retched Gail had been after she left, and how Gail finally managed to pull herself together when it became clear that Children's Services were considering her once again as a parental candidate for Sophie, after Sophie's placement with a more traditional family fell apart. Who is she kidding? It isn't just Gail that she is trying to protect.

"Hey Girl! You are looking good!" She can hear the smile in Traci's voice even before she spins around on her bar stool to be grabbed into a warm hug.

"Traci!" She grins into the shoulder of the wool coat that is pressing into her cheek.

Traci pulls back, holding her at arms length for a moment and then lets go. She waives at Seamus and holds up two fingers. He nods and places two shots of bourbon and two pints of beer on the bar in front of them.

They settle into a booth in the back, talking about Holly's reluctant celebrity, and Traci's recent promotion to Regional Special Operations Team Leader and her move from Division 15 to the Ontario Police Headquarters, and about how she and Steve reconnected about a year ago and are giving dating another try.

"So you and Steve…?" Holly tilts her head, raising her eyebrows at Traci, "How is that working?"

"It's good." Traci smiles back, "I think we are really going to make a go of it this time. He has done a lot of work on himself around communication, and control, and trust."

"That's great Traci, I am really happy for you." Holly replies.

"Thanks!" Traci says, "And even better, Leo loves Steve, so he couldn't be more thrilled!"

"I can't believe he is in his second year at the University of Toronto! All grown up, and a starting Left Wing on the hockey team!" Holly smiles and shakes her head.

"You want me to get us tickets for a game while you're here?" Traci glows with pride.

"Of course!" Holly grins and finishes her drink. "Here let me get us another round."

The Penny has filled up quickly in the time they have been sitting wrapped in conversation, with the usual crowd of cops getting off the day shift, people from the neighborhood, and the occasional college student or two. Holly has to push her way to the bar and squeeze in between a couple or large guys to place their drink order. She fidgets as she waits for the new bartender she doesn't know to stop flirting a couple of girls sitting at the end of the bar. Sooner or later people she knows will be filing in after work, and then she will be here all night. She sighs and looks up to find Seamus placing their drinks before her.

"Sorry about that." He shrugs, "Jimmy doesn't know you, and he thought you were just some hot cougar out hunting cops." He smirks.

"So I'm no longer a badge bunny." She laughs, "Well at least he thinks I'm still hot."

"Darlin', you were never a badge bunny!" The voice says behind her, "And Seamus, put that on my tab."

She whirls around to be caught in a great hug that warms her down to her very soul.

"It's so good to see you." She murmurs into Oliver's ear.

"Yup. Yup, I could say the same." Oliver releases her, "Celery told me you were in town. So I figured it was only a matter of time before I caught you sneaking around down here."

"I am not sneaking around!" She replies indignantly.

"Sure you're not…" He laughs at her

"I'm not! I'm here with Traci, if you must know…" She gives him a playful shove.

"Yeah, yeah, sittin' in the back, ignoring all of us little people…" He teases. "Well look Darlin', I gotta go but maybe I'll see you when I get home on Monday?"

"Celery and I are just going to hang around the house after lunch, so you know you will." She smiles as he kisses her cheek and walks off in the direction of the dartboard.

Holly smiles to herself. It is good to be home. She has picked up the drinks and is carefully turning to return to her seat when she literally bumps into someone that stops her cold. The black leather jacket is shockingly familiar, from the tiny scull charm dangling from the zipper on the breast pocket to the knot she put in the waist belt so long ago. Looking up into eyes, framed by gold wire rimmed glasses, as dark and brown as her own, in a face she has only seen in pictures, makes Holly gasp.

"Hey! Watch it lady!" The dark curls that tumble out from underneath a watch cap, and the flawless milk-chocolate brown skin are unfamiliar, but the tone and the accompanying gesture are all Gail.

"Sophie?" Holly asks in a hushed tone.

"Oh my God!" Is all Sophie can manage as she gapes wide eyed at her hero, a blush rising in her cheeks. "Doc..Dr. Stewart? You… you know who I am?" She finally sputters.

Holly regains her composure as she watches the girl struggle.

"Wha... what are you doing here?" Sophie stutters, still obviously in shock.

Holly laughs, "I'm having a drink with your Aunt Traci."

"Oh." Sophie says, still frozen to the spot.

"Why don't you come over and say hello." Holly continues, leading the way back to the booth.

"Oh. Ok." Sophie follows like a puppy, all awkward and shy.

"Look who I found." Holly says while sliding back into the booth.

"Oh good! You've met." Traci looks up with a smile. "Hey Sophie! How's school?"

Sophie is still standing somewhat dumbstruck in front of them.

"Uh… good Aunt Traci, really good…" She finally manages.

"Sophie wants to be a Forensic Pathologist too." Traci smiles at Holly.

"Really?" Holly tilts her head with a smile, "So you want to be an uber-science nerd like me?

"Oh I don't think you're a nerd, Dr. Stewart! Well not in a bad way, anyway. I think you're amazing! And all of the cases you help solve…" Sophie gushes.

"Please. Call me Holly." She interrupts, her smile growing wider. So this is Sophie. This amazing young woman is the reason Gail couldn't come with her to San Francisco. Sitting here listening to Sophie ramble on, bubbling about forensic science, in much the same way she does herself, is like a gift she didn't know she needed. Until now. Holly finds the weight of ten years of disappointment and resentment for a life without Gail lifting as she sees the young woman before her begin to glow with excitement as she answers each question about their chosen profession. Traci is grinning ear to ear with pride across the table at her too.

"I have to say, I'm impressed." Holly grins as Sophie finishes telling them about the molecular biology project on the breakdown of DNA and methods of its reconstruction for analysis in the field she has been working on all semester. "That's quite advanced stuff you are working on!"

She watches Sophie blush, lick her lips and scuff her boot on the wooden floor and then look back up at her with wide, trusting eyes in a way that is just so Gail. It catches Holly completely off guard; it makes her want to cry all of a sudden. She can feel Traci's eyes, soft and motherly, watching her. It's all starting to be too much.

"Hey! There you are. I thought we were meeting at the bar…" Gail's annoyed voice cuts in behind Sophie.

Holly closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and leans her head against the wooden back of the booth.

"Hey Mom! I was just talking to Aunt Traci and Dr. Stewart… erm… I mean Holly!" Sophie exclaims, excitement sparkling in her eyes as she turns to face Gail.

"Oh." Gail says as all of the blood drains from her body. She licks her lips, feeling as if she has been plunged into ice water.

Traci is frozen too, looking from Holly to Gail to Sophie with frantic, worried eyes. She finally snaps out of it, springing from her seat to take Sophie gently by the arm. "Why don't we go get another round at the bar." She says, leading a thoroughly confused Sophie away from the booth.

Brown eyes open to meet blue and nothing else matters. The Penny, the noise, and everyone else all seem to disappear.

"Hello Gail." Holly says softly.

That's all it takes. Suddenly Holly is on her feet. Gail takes two quick strides forward to catch her and hold on tight.

"I've missed you." Holly finally manages to gasp in a strangled whisper.

"Me too, Holly, me too." Gail sobs quietly into her ear. "More than I can ever say."

[arrowpunk]

Feel free to ignore I just feel like putting this all together Somewhere

So the past couple of weeks have had so many things happen to me

-Scheduled my surgery (Insurance won't cover it I've gotta go into approximately $13,000 in medical debt, or come up with that amount 2 weeks before surgery) (I'm just happy it's scheduled tbh)

-Landlord screwed me and my roommate over majorly and now we have to pay to rent the place out for another month at an inflated rate even tho neither of us live there anymore (UGH)

-Got moved in to the new place, new place is lady from church's basement, kind woman who isn't charging me rent b/c she wants me to be able to save money (Yay! Thank the Lord for this woman or I would be living out of my car)

-Reconnected with one of my uncles? Learned a bunch of family shit that was kept hush hush and secret from specifically me and my siblings, but really shouldn't have been??? Glad I know now?? It's a whole thing, anyway reconnecting with my uncle was nice, turns out he and his wife are on a similar deconstruction/reconstruction journey w/ evangelical Christianity

-Partner moved in with me!!! (This is Wonderful and I am So Very Happy about it)

-Found out that uh. Apparently. Without asking me. My parents are gonna change their will so if they die I get full custody of all of my younger siblings??? Tried explaining to my mom that I didn't want that, and wouldn't be able to do a good job of that if that ever did need to happen. Was completely brushed off. So that's a thing now. Here's hoping my parents don't die in a freak accident because I would not handle becoming a single mother/sister to my siblings that are still at home very well

-My desktop tower died, so now I need to buy a new one (Approximately $1300-$1500, cannot afford this right now, gotta wait like 2-3 paychecks for this thing, rip to my ability to do art for the next month and crap I have no fucking idea how I'm gonna run DnD w/o a working desktop b/c all my Stuff is on there and I cannot run it from my phone I think my brain would shrivel up and die if I tried to do that)

-Found a Different aunt and uncle(?) online b/c I wanted to try to reconnect, uncle(?) is now using they/them pronouns and I feel so bad for finding this out it wasn't on purpose, as far as I know they are not out to the family, because most of this family is Very Conservative and it would not go well, have now tried contacting them to let them know I saw but also let them know that do not worry I will not out them to any family members of course but oof I'm so sorry I saw that I know I wasn't supposed to see that. I wish there was a non-gendered word for aunt/uncle because I don't know what else to Use for them right now

Anyway just So Much has happened within the span of like a week and a half, the last 5 things on that list happened within the last 4 days so yeah, there's a good amount of good stuff and also a good amount of crappy stuff and then a good amount of ???? I don't even know how to feel about it stuff

So I sure am feeling some kind of way about the state of my life right now, mostly just stressed about the state of my bank account lol because I was getting pretty happy w/ feeling financially semi-secure, and then was hit with a bunch of bills all at once and now it's just oh shit guess who really needs to be super careful with spending for the next like many many months, main worry is w/ the loan I need to take out for the surgery, not knowing if the amount I'm gonna have to pay monthly on that is gonna be bad enough that I won't be able to find a place to rent b/c can't afford paying on the loan and rent. But anyway I'm sure things will work themselves out eventually. Just a bit stressful right now but I'll be fine

[fountainpenguin]

Hi, another update. Mentioned a while ago that my laptop was no longer functional- I’m still working towards replacing that with something new. Also got a new desktop computer (Replaced a device I’ve had for nearly a decade + transferred lots of files over). Going through lots of changes (Job switch, sibling got married, got a new office, also some other things I don’t want to go into detail about on Tumblr).

No longer have access to my old art program, but I planned ahead for that and bought a new program while it was on sale, so I’ll be experimenting with that in the upcoming weeks. Expect Happy Peppy Gary art. Might be some 130 Prompt spoilers in it but at this point I frankly don’t care, I’ve been actively planning and drafting the 130 since 2016 and I’m anxious to draw for some of the major plot stuff skljdf. My hyperfixation for the last several months has been War & Peace / Great Comet of 1812 and :’) “Pierre & Andrey” is a very good song for a lot of my OCs but also for Gary and the Pixies, I swear...

May also draw some Chloes and Kevins and others. Possibly Dame Sandy, some Longwood, and maybe some Commelina because I read through all the remaining Origin chapter drafts and stuff hit me hard and I cry, idk. I’m wasp dad trash and I’m really excited to share more Origin.

Basically I’m straight-up tired of living in fear of judgment so I hope you’re all ready to remember that this is my house and in this house I post what I want.

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Don’t really have the emotional strength to talk to anybody, but I’ve been reviewing my ‘fics. I really want to put the next Reedfilter Rules chapter out- been sitting on that one for a very long time. Writing RR!Anti-Cosmo is extremely difficult but... wow, I often love him more than Riddleverse Classic Anti-Cosmo SKLDFJSKLDJF. In Classic he’s often bound by social status and tradition while RR!Anti-Cosmo straight-up does what he wants and it’s fantastic. I know I’ve been picking at the revisions for his chapter for ages, but he has to be perfect when he goes public because he's very different from Classic!Anti-Cosmo and I want everything to be /chef’s kiss for me.

If you’re new here and/or not up to date with Reedfilter canon, I encourage you to check the Reedfilter Rules tag on my blog and maybe learn some interesting things you didn’t know yet :> RR is an AU of my Classic take on canon, but it remains consistent with show canon and it’s full of dumb cliches and dumb flirting and political idiots and it’s just silly and fun for me.

Should be some Frayed Knots and Origin on the horizon as well, so thank you for your patience. I am extremely anxious to move both stories along and there’s not much left to do before I post, but I’m finicky and want to ensure my buffer is stable before I return to a consistent schedule. Fingers maybe crossed for going back to our one chapter a week schedule, but not promising that yet. We’re entering my favorite part of Origin, but it coincides with the most difficult part of Knots, so it’s a struggle.

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Emphasizing again that I basically have not been keeping up with reviews, Tumblr notifs, or FFN / AO3 commentary for a very long time. I thank you for sending them and apologize if you were waiting for a response you didn’t receive. Life is kind of stressful and people always need me for something, so at the end of the day I don’t always want to build up the emotional strength to search my inbox and read comments for my different stories/fandoms that might not always be nice, and even if they are nice then I don’t always have the ability to reply. Sometimes it’s easier to look at nothing and sometimes those avoidance periods need to last a long time. I appreciate any kind words that have been sent my way.

I’ve been extremely busy and still have not watched the FOP live action spin-off thing. I’ve kept my distance from fandom content and successfully avoided spoilers all this time, but I’m planning to watch it very soon now that life is starting to come back under control. I watched the first episode and enjoyed it, but blocking out enough time to binge on free trial isn’t easy and suddenly most of the year goes by... Exhaustion.

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Vainly hoped I’d return to Tumblr someday and find that the divider line and/or abilities to create white space dividers with the enter key had returned to the post editor and wow I cannot express enough how disappointed I am that they have done exactly not that.

Sorry for Ask box stuff I haven’t touched in one million years; just didn’t have FOP brainpower for a long time and needed to do other things. There are some heavy topics like war, abuse, politics, discrimination, death, and affairs in my ‘fics and sometimes you need space from that type of content even when you’re the one who put it there.

If anyone knows whether Tumblr still refuses to show posts that contain links, I’d be interested in knowing more about the current situation.

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tl;dr - Sorry I can’t engage in long talks; holding conversation via back and forth writing has always been draining on my emotions and frankly everyone should just call me /lh

‘fic updates starting soon? Hoping to get a buffer up, thank you for your patience while the Creature Crossing ARPG has been getting all my love on dA. Anxious to see my fairy kids again, though. 

More updates on fanfic schedule to come. Will probably post new FOP chapters on Fridays once it’s mid October. Further details to come.

[uloelu]

life lately ☀️

Hope you all are doing well (and that your saves are safe from the recent patch craziness)! I've been playing the Sims offline bc I'm very protective of my little families. I usually wait a couple of days after each game update, but this recent scare has kept me offline for longer than usual. I have a ton of mods that I'm in the process of logging into a Notion database + eventually updating, so I don't mind too much. Just a bit annoyed bc I actually was considering getting Crystal Creations upon release. Alas.

I'm also in the process of building my first PC! I know almost nothing about computer science or engineering, but I've wanted a desktop for years and it's far more cost effective to build your own machine than hit up Best Buy. Just waiting for the final parts to be delivered this afternoon and I can get started! Once it's finished, I'll transfer the Sims over to my new computer. I'm super excited to download a shit ton of extra mods and actually have my game boot up in less than 5 minutes 🥰 my laptop is really good, don't get me wrong, but it's not optimized for gaming (and it already broke on me a few months ago). I'll post pics when everything's done!

Other than that, not too much progress in terms of things I can post. My personal save file is going great, but I'm not really comfortable posting pics from it (mostly bc it's centered around characters from a book I'm about to query for traditional publication 😅). I've also been mad busy with work and novel editing, so I haven't had as much time as I'd like to play the Sims.

Hoping to post more soon!

[luckywolfsbane]

Mp3 players were such a vital part of my childhood. It was my only constant carry tech. The battery lasted for about a day, which back in like 2006 was amazing. It recorded audio. It held like a thousand songs--way more than an 8-year-old kid with no real internet access so much as knew. My sister had her massive Zune, which she only relinquished to my brother on occasion. My brother and I both had our mp3 players because our parents weren't about to buy Zune for either of us--they were too expensive. My sister won it at a dance, too. So no money spent. And we were fine with that.

So many people are out here like, "I had an iPod." We get it. Your parents kept ya'll consistently over the poverty line, and while you absolutely had money trouble, your parents occasionally were able to splurge several hundred dollars for a tiny thing you absolutely lost and/or broke within a couple months/years. That, or you had every new iPod bc you definitely weren't struggling, which is also totally valid. Or maybe you *were* below the poverty line, and someone got it for you, making you one of the lucky ones. The rest of us had either nothing, an old cd player, or cheap mp3 players that came with 1 or 2 pre-downloaded songs.

I remember sitting on dial-up internet, ripping songs off youtube bc apple music was a waste of money. Any of my parents' cds got ripped onto the desktop--which, with a little maintenance, still turns on in 2023--and we'd put every song we remotely enjoyed into the library. Every night, we'd plug it in to charge and pray we could find our headphones in the morning, bc they didn't have speakers.

Then morning would come, and my siblings and I would throw ourselves together. We'd grab our mp3 players and run out into the morning fog to wait for the bus. We were up at dawn every morning because we lived 13 miles outside town, and the bus picked us up two hours early. We'd climb on, greet our driver, and find our assigned seats. Then we'd all turn on our mp3 players and listen to our music. The bus driver didn't play the radio in the early morning, so it was that or road noise. And we were the first cluster of siblings on the bus. Only two other families got picked up before us, and only one kid rode the bus from each. Those kids were teenagers by the time I was riding, so they weren't my friends, and I couldn't really interact with them w/o being bullied. So I stayed in the middle of the bus and listened to my music. I think our route had about 20 separate kids in total back then. By the time I quit riding in middle-school--medical reasons--there were less than 10 of us on any given day.

Field trips were amazing with the audio recorder. My best friend at the time and I would play pretend and record it. I listened to those recordings a few years later when we'd hit a rough patch and grown apart(we don't talk anymore, but I still consider him a friend).

Idk... I wish I could summon that little device out of the void. I know it was stolen if it wasn't lost out in the world somewhere. I know it was. I'd kill to have it back...

[grahamstoney]

How To Make Your Toshiba Laptop Run Like A TRS-80 Model I

New Post has been published on https://grahamstoney.com/technology/how-to-make-your-toshiba-satellite-laptop-run-like-a-trs-80-model-i

How To Make Your Toshiba Laptop Run Like A TRS-80 Model I

I’ve been going completely crazy lately at the glacial speed of my Toshiba Satellite P50t laptop running Windows 10. My virus scanner kept reporting that the 10+ minutes that it took just to boot up was slower than 100% of computers like it, and hitting the “tune up” button wasn’t helping.

They don’t make ’em like this any more

For goodness sake, my TRS-80 Model I running NEWDOS/80 back in 1984 could boot faster. Not to mention all the waiting and spinning icons actually using the damn thing. It’s 2017 for your-chosen-deity’s sake, and a machine with a 2.8GHz processor should be just a bit speedier than that.

So after ruminating for ages on the decline of modern technology and how things “should” be, rather than how they actually are, I decided to suck it up and upgrade the hard drive in the laptop to a Solid State Drive (SSD) to save my remaining mental health.

This also took ages, since the first few USB-to-SATA adaptor cables I bought on eBay to clone the bastard either didn’t work, or weren’t compatible with the first few hard drive cloning software packages I tried. So I thought I’d write this article to help anyone else in similar situation reduce their mental distress.

My SSD of choice is a SanDisk Ultra II 960 Gb, which I found on eBay for about A$400. I chose it because it’s a reputable brand, reasonably cost-effective, is almost as big as the hard drive I was replacing, and has quite high data transfer rates. Certainly a lot higher than a conventional hard drive with all the head seeking required to load the billions of crappy software components that fucking Microsoft Windows 10 needs just to launch the goddam desktop screen. Not to mention the software apps I want to run on it.

The first trick is to get a USB-to-SATA adaptor with an external power supply, because the low-cost cables you find on eBay won’t be able to supply the 5volts at 2amps from a USB port that the Ultra II requires in order to function externally while you clone your internal hard drive to it. After trying 2 other dodgy cables from eBay, I found the Unitek USB Converter3.0 to SATA Adapter from Kogan.com worked for me. Kogan is great because they only sell shit that works. It might still be made in China, but they don’t stock all the cheap electronic crap that eBay has which doesn’t actually work, but is too expensive to mail back once you’ve ripped it open in Australia.

The next trick is to find cloning software that works. This took me a few goes, including trying the Acronis True Image WD Edition software that SanDisk recommend; which wouldn’t detect the drive initially and always failed with a spontaneous reboot mid-cloning.

Eventually I found the free trial version of EaseUS Todo Backup (I don’t know if it’s pronounced too-doo or toe-doe) worked for me, provided I plugged the USB adapter into the front-most USB port on the right hand side of the machine. Download the trial version, fire it up, hit the Clone button on the main screen, select the “Optimise for SSD” checkbox, select Drive 1 as the target, and give it a couple of hours to work the magic. You don’t need all 30 days really, provided you don’t take a month off between installing it and getting a working USB/SATA adapter, like I did when I attempted to use Macrium Reflect.

Then all you have to do is pull the laptop apart and swap the SSD for the internal hard drive. Here’s a video a really helpful mute with poor taste in music created to show you exactly how to do it:

Here’s to speed and sanity!

[thegeminisage]

pspsps ms liz, hi, I've been here multiple times (mostly about games) and I saw you have Deathloop, or at least have it installed (sorry if its weird to look at the games you have installed on your desktop, i was curious) and its currently on sale on steam and i love a good timeloop. I played Prey a bit ago (holy shit the ending threw me for a loop WOW) and enjoyed it, I have a friend who raves about Dishonored and they haven't steered me wrong with games so far, so I have good feelings about Arkane games.

I wanted to ask your opinion on Deathloop before i spend $30 on it 💀💀

um anyways, have a good day!!! please also give your kitties pets for me, they're all adorable

HI BESTIE, dw i am petting ALL of the cats and also it's definitely not weird to look at my desktop since im the one who posted pics of it, although there are some games on there i havent played yet (i tend to take the ones im finished with OFF the desktop but deathloop earned it place). rip start again and night in the woods i swear i am going to get to you soon

so yeah AS you guessed the short answer is YES IT IS WORTH IT!!! doubly so if you can get it on steam. the long answer is:

i have played basically All of the games from arkane and deathloop feels more like dishonored than prey, but that isn't a bad thing!! (if you haven't played the dishonored series and you wind up liking deathloop i'd highly recommend it.) gameplaywise everything feels really polished and fun...when i played i was letting my buddy watch me do the story, so i wound up replaying missions i'd already done in my spare time bc i just couldn't keep my hands off of it. i found ways to do levels i didn't think were possible. there's a lot of freedom in it

the abilities in deathloop imho are what make it resemble DH more than prey, but i think the abilities system is more fun than in prey because in prey when you get the alien abilities it makes the enemies more hostile and i didn't care for that. these are simplified but really fun, i always had a hard time choosing which ones to equip because they're all really good (though admittedly i never played with the one that lets you fling stuff everywhere bc i didn't care). the weapons and trinket system you use for your upgrades comes with a bit of a learning curve (the tutorial section was horrifically annoyingly long) but once you learn the ropes it's a very smooth, fun, satisfying way to work. i havent tried the new update they just released for the 1yr anniversary but it looks amazing too!

the aesthetic and music and the characters are wildly funky and extremely, outrageously fun - the banter you get as you proceed through the levels is very entertaining. it feels like much more of an adventure than prey because it doesnt have that sense of isolation and the characters CUSS. the bosses are the perfect combination of challenging and scary and weird without being TOO hard (with the exception of fia, who has the dubious honor of being one of the most stressful controller-against-the-wall challenges i've ever played, taking me almost twenty tries to complete - come back after you do that one and tell me how many years you aged). i played deathloop before the update that added difficulty levels and i'm not a pro gamer by any means, so anyone should be able to complete it. it's really satisfying to go back to a level you once struggled on with better weapons and abilities and breeze right through it!

that said, there are a couple of cons - the biggest one for me was that my PC had a liiiiittle bit of trouble running it without framerate skips and it took me a long time to get those eliminated. the second biggest one is i think it needed another 6 months or so of dev time, especially in regards to the story. VERY minor story spoilers in the form of: my opinion, but!!! like i said, i haven't played the free update - apparently there's a new, secret ending - but the one we got felt a little bewildering and and anticlimactic. i kept waiting for it all to mean something and it kind of...only meant a little, really?? there's one major twist but instead of making me go "oh COOL" it made me go "oh bad :/" and it was definitely kind of a blueballed feeling bc the rest of the game had my expectations SO astronomically high. to finally finishing the thing was a bit of a letdown

THAT SAID, in spite of its flaws it's one of the most fun times i've ever had playing a first person shooter-ish game. i just wish there was more to do. even replaying some of the levels in my downtime i still only racked up slightly less than 50 hours. but i'm sure on replays/if i were to 100% things/if i tried multiplayer (i havent so far bc crossplatform play costs $$$ and i heard it was a bit lacking anyways) i could get more, which i might go back and try someday, because it's SO FUN. trust me if they gave me 200 hours of content in that game i would play all 200 of them

anyway, can't rec it highly enough, the steam price has apparently dropped to like $24 bucks so you will NEVER find it any cheaper. if you truly do hate it you can return it if you've played less than 4 hours so WHY NOT give it a try. i really hope you enjoy it cuz i sure did!!!

[lokigodofaces]

intense ranting about someone that doesn't know how to read the description of a fic and is mad at me for my content. continuing from this post

I am very clear about Loki being asexual in my Loki/reader. Depending on the site and how it works, I have it in at least one of these: title, description, tags. I also have an author's not about a third of the way through from when I confirmed Loki as ace, and have only kept it because I keep getting encouraging comments there. But at the beginning of reading, you have 1-3 places listing Loki as ace, and another partway through.

Well, I repeatedly get comments about how "disappointed" people are that he is ace in this fic on that author's note. Which always annoys me because it's not like I was hiding it, it's your fault that you didn't see it. It's always annoying and frustrating, but someone was particularly rude today and now I want to scream.

Allow me to show you the conversation. This is on the author's note and about Loki's asexuality.

X: Hey that's cool you do you. I am just angry that I am being told this after reading like 11 chats [chapters]. I already was invested in the story wish I knew sooner.

I'll admit it, I get comments all the time that seem off. Things like, "Yeah, sorta disappointed that there won't be smut, but I'm really proud of you and I love this story and can't wait for more <3." Yes, there are problems with this type of comment still. Honestly, I don't think it's appropriate to ever tell an author you are disappointed by the lack of smut in their work. But I appreciate that they at least are being supportive. This comment though is different. She is "angry" at me because she didn't know that Loki is ace in this fic. And it is implied that she doesn't want to read further (which is fine, read what you want, just don't tell the author that you don't like it, that's rude). And, (understandably, I would think), I am upset by this because I did say that Loki is ace already, it is in the description.

Me: If you are referring to Loki being asexual, I literally said it in the description.

I will admit, I probably should have used more tact when saying this, but whatever. This was my response, which went straight to the point. I did make it clear that Loki is asexual. The exact sentence is literally, "Loki is greybiromantic asexual." Very straightforward. No room for confusion, right? To which she responds:

X: I'm sorry , but I still don't see that in the description. But I don't use this website often so maybe I am missing it

At this point, I am annoyed. It isn't that hard to find descriptions (the post linked at top has links to quotev and you can do a little scavenger hunt and look for the description and see how easy it is). Quotev says how long someone has been on Quotev, so I checked. She did join Quotev 1 day ago. So, yes, I should be more lenient than if it was someone who's been on for months/years. But, still, who reads a fic without the full description? What sort of person does that to themselves? I responded with directions on finding the description, and haven't gotten an answer yet.

Me: Desktop: Scroll to the top of the fic. Just above the title and to the right are two buttons. The right one says, "Info." Move your mouse over it, and a bunch of things will pop up, including the full description. Android mobile: Scroll to the top of the fic. Above and to the right of the title is a button with an "i" in a circle. Click it, and a bunch of things will pop up, including the full description. Idk if it's different on Apple, but it's probably similar or the same.

I admit, I've been having some wild mood swings the past couple days, so maybe I'm overreacting. But this is just so ridiculous. Why would you start a fic without knowing what it's about? And why would you think it's okay to be angered by an author's content, especially something like queer rep? Just,

*screams*

[newyorkmylife]

Canada here I am

I remember sleeping on the floor in a room in St. James Town in Toronto. I had to make the most of my savings and just couldn't bring myself to even buy an air mattress for $30.

My desktop computer was a floor computer - the monitor standing on my big suitcase. It wasn't ideal, but I had everything I needed. I was in Canada, the room was well lit and sunny, my computer was there to keep me company.

It was my second month since I landed and I had started to feel on the edge of depression. Alone in a new country, with my saving getting smaller by the day and no job in sight. I would apply every day but it all seemed hopeless.

Flash forward to today. 2022, a global pandemic later.

I had to face numerous obstacles. Delivering food as a courier, getting my first office job, handling an impertinent HR bitch so that I could get a tiny help to extend my visa then getting kicked out of the country because of that same person. I had to go back to Italy and almost lost my mind with the realization that I had lost the life I built for myself in Toronto. I ran away - took an unplanned flight to London to escape reality and dealt with loneliness, depression and physical pain. After months, I had found a job there, worked through depression while I couldn't even concentrate on the same task for more than 5 minutes. Battled my anxiety of catching covid in a country that wanted to get rid of restrictions very early on. I was invited to apply for Canadian permanent residency and had to send two applications because the first one was rejected for a small mistake. I then went to Canada to wait for the moment I'd finally become a permanent resident - and I didn't tell anything to my employer, I just kept working remotely and stuck to the English time zone. I would wake up every day at 5am and sleep for 1-2 hours at 4pm. What a hell.

But

today is the day I will scream at the top of my lungs:

it was all worth it! I made it!

Yes, I made it! After all that... After all the days where I felt like giving up... like the effort was worthless... I made it!

I am now a permanent resident of Canada! And no one can stop me!

I can freely live and work in Canada. This is my home!

When I received the email I just couldn't believe it. In the weeks before the decisive moment arrived, I was planning to go to Mexico because I lost my remote job and I didn't know how I could keep up with the cost of living in Toronto without being able to legally work. That night though - when I received the email - all the worries vanished so fast that I didn't even realize I had them in the first place.

I opened the email app on my phone and read the words. It looked like any boring immigration email. Boring subject and a seemingly boring body. Until I read that I had become a permanent resident!

Joy pervaded my body like a massive wave hitting the shore - annihilating all doubts and worries, leaving a blank slate ready to be written.

I jumped and screamed like a kid hearing the melody of an ice cream truck in the distance - knowing full well that best was about to come.

I just can't wait to get my Permanent Resident Card and use it at the airport. Taking the same lane that citizens take. Being welcomed back rather than interrogated.