#I know the market for this couldn’t possibly be more niche and maybe two people will read it

[crookedfivefingers]

NOTE 7/23: The actual first chapter of this fic is now significantly different! Just keeping this post here for archive purposes, I suppose 😂

NOTE 8/13: The first chapter is now up!

I had this thought about Ten and Martha traveling back to Venice in the 1700s.

Naturally, they wind up separated during the trip — which is how Martha eventually finds herself in the company of a charming, if hauntingly familiar stranger…

One who can’t seem to keep his eyes off of her.

Ten x Martha | Martha x Casanova

✨WIP snip from ch.1✨

In May of 1758, the many streets of Venice are packed for the annual Feast of the Ascension —but a day filled with food and laughter is cut short when Martha loses sight of the Doctor in the crowds.

By the time she’s finally able to break free and locate the missing Time Lord, she’s stunned to see him being tugged into a carriage by a beautiful young woman… A carriage that swiftly disappears down the road and out of sight.

Alone, hurting, and more than a little cross, Martha suddenly realizes that she’s stranded in an unfamiliar city… over two hundred years in the past. Bloody brilliant.

She can’t even remember where they parked the TARDIS at this point — not with the endless narrow alleyways and labyrinthine streets.

It’s a modest blessing, but she takes some comfort in knowing she’s at least dressed appropriately for the times, straightening her elaborate wig as she begins walking in the carriage’s general direction.

As time passes, the sun tucks itself away beneath the edge of the horizon, and the crowds finally begin to dissipate. Without the excess noise and foot traffic, Martha has more room to process the events of the evening, sort-of-searching for the long-lost carriage (but mostly brooding) as she puts increasing wear on her shoes.

After some time, the sound of music and laughter drifts into her ears, catching her attention to pull her from the darkness of her thoughts. She allows herself to be drawn towards it without hesitation, and not three minutes later, she’s standing at the edge of a ballroom in the Palazzo Pisani Moretta.

Partying shouldn’t be top of mind, of course — but after a full day of celebrating throughout the city, she can’t imagine putting any more stress on her aching feet. The poor extremities scream for reprieve in the wedge sandals that hide beneath her skirt, scolding her for not putting more thought into her choice of footwear.

To be fair, the move to enter the building isn’t entirely void of strategy. After all, the Doctor could be in here. Seems like just the sort of place his little date might like to mingle, she thinks with a healthy roll of her eyes.

To say the Palazzo is extravagant is putting it mildly. In addition to what may well be a few hundred elite guests in attendance, the spacious hall is adorned from floor to ceiling with finery, the glowing chandeliers illuminating marble statues and countless works of art. Servers in masquerade weave through the crowd with practiced ease, trays of nibbles and beverages balancing on splayed fingertips.

Feeling inspired, Martha snags a cup of wine as soon as she’s close enough to reach for one, downing half of the bitter, eighteenth-century swill with as much haste as her twenty-first-century taste buds will allow. She forces a smile through her grimace when the server looks to her for approval, still concerned with cordiality [even as she crashes a party wherein she knows no one at all].

Partygoers welcome her readily: happy socialites with hair as big and dramatic as the wig she’s been regretting picking out all day. The compliments they lavish her with almost make it feel worth the hassle, however, and in that moment, she’s grateful that the Doctor let her raid the wardrobe. It feels so much easier to exist in a time period without standing out — at least, more than she already feels she does as a black woman.

(The Time Lord really can be thick, can’t he?)

Over and onward, Martha decides to let loose as much as she can, keeping a wary eye out between little sips of murky, purple wet. It’s been at least three hours since she last saw her mate, and though the environment that surrounds her is intoxicating, she can’t deny the little pinpricks of worry that emerge in her gut.

Surely he wouldn’t just sod off for a shag... would he? Leave her all alone without a word?

Is that really something the Doctor is capable of after everything they’ve been through?

An image of his disappearance flitters across her mind’s eye: a flash of a woman’s smiling face as she drags him into her fancy carriage by the lapels, her giggles resounding off the stone walls as they slip away together.

Another image nips at the heels of the former, only this time, it’s the Doctor’s stony expression as he returns from across the field in Farringham, having just had a proposition rejected by Nurse Redfern. The same proposition he made the morning after finding out how his companion truly felt for him, easily filing that information away as a “non-issue.”

Alright, so maybe he can be a bit of a tosser. Great. Maybe he has no interest in being found just yet, being fully aware that Martha can handle her own.

Everything’s always on his terms, anyway.

Furthermore, and she hates to even think it in the first place, but: who’s to say he didn’t think slipping out unannounced was the only way to get away from her for the night?

Blimey. If that’s the way he really thinks of her...

No. No, no, no — those thoughts aren't helpful for anyone. Not right now.

Worst case scenario, Martha will find a kind local to seek shelter with before night’s end, though she prays it doesn’t come to that. The idea of even thinking about sleeping knowing the Doctor is just out there somewhere makes her stomach churn — even if he has got… friendly company.

Sigh.

Time for more wine, she reckons; her eyes flick about the crowd until she spots the closest server, and then she attempts to head in her direction.

While en route, a portly man in technicolor robes requests a dance, which she turns down as politely as possible. Then another guest — a dark-haired noblewoman about forty-five years old — stumbles on the mosaic when her heels catch the train of another woman’s dress, and Martha helps her to her feet.

All the servers carting wine around only seem to be getting further away, and it feels like a sign. Perhaps she shouldn’t be consuming any more alcohol — at least, not until she has a little more peace of mind.

To her surprise, she doesn’t have to wait long at all.

Through a sea of bobbing heads, swaying bodies shrouded in brightly-colored fabrics, and a thin haze of incense smoke, their eyes lock from across the room — and Martha briefly foregoes the right to oxygen.

She knows she should be relieved (or perhaps furious — definitely furious), but as her throat grows tight and dry, all she’s got the presence of mind to feel is the frantic fluttering of her heartbeat as blood roars in her ears.

The Doctor has never looked at her like that.

Temporarily immobile, she can only watch as he approaches her with deliberate, single-minded steps, the dance floor seeming to part naturally around him. He doesn’t falter or pause and he doesn’t need to; this man claims a route that no one capable of sight would dare interfere.

Somehow, in the last few hours, he’s wound up in a loose red tunic, tight black trousers — tights, essentially — and matching black boots. A black, silken band wraps around his neck, purely decorative, bringing the black from the rest of the outfit together to complete the look.

It’s an entirely different getup than the one she helped him pick out this morning, but let it be known that it’s no less gorgeous for it. Even his hair is different than she’s ever seen it, appearing softer and lighter with significantly less product than usual (if any at all), and he looks…

Bloody hell, he looks incredible.

When he arrives, he gets quite close — closer than Martha’s body and mind are anywhere near recovered enough to be prepared for — and she has just enough time to notice the color of his eyes when he takes her hand.

Are his eyes... blue?

The smile he fixes her with is slow and certain; it simmers just as the gaze he ensnares her with. He seems to reach right into her soul’s lowered defenses to bury himself at the thick of it, lifting her hand to his mouth to rest his gentle lips against her skin.

The touch is just jarring enough to wrench Martha out from the clouds as the realization hits her.

This man is not the Doctor.

“I hope you’ll forgive me,” he murmurs, his voice and cadence eerily identical to the one she knows. “If I'm honest, I just couldn’t resist your magnetism for another moment longer.”

His words, though softly spoken, seem louder than anyone or anything else in the room, effectively shutting the rest of the world out.

"Erm," Martha chokes, eyes wide. Stunned. "I-I, er..." She shakes her head slowly, her voice (and brain) temporarily evading her. It feels as though she's fallen through a crack in dimensions. Perhaps she has.

“Right — sorry," the man chuckles. "Bit rude of me. My name's Giac." He finally lowers her hand between them, flashing a wink, giving her fingers the softest of squeezes before letting them slip through his. "Though I must admit... I am far more eager to learn yours.”

Note: This is a post-Blink story in which Martha is seduced by Giacomo, inspiring clarity and an almost possessive jealousy within the Doctor. How ever will he handle it? I’ve also considered an eventual threesome, but should that happen, it will be strictly het Martha-worship. (Also, per the David Tennant miniseries, Giac is pronounced “Jack”)

[whythehellnaut]

The secret brilliance behind Nickelodeon All Star Brawl‘s marketing

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the Nickelodeon fighting game after it was announced, progressing from mild interest to ironic excitement to unironic excitement for it.  So many jokes and memes have been made about it that they’re almost impossible to avoid.  But when I thought about it, I realized that that’s exactly what the marketing team for this game wanted.  The idea of the game is so absurd that no one would expect it to exist, but they figured out a way to make absolutely sure that it would create just the right buzz to get people like me to take serious interest in it.

Watching the trailer again, I figured out that every character they picked to showcase in that minute and a half trailer were carefully and strategically chosen to cater to as many people as they could.  Even the order of their appearance had deliberation behind it.  Here are my thoughts:

Michelangelo comes first, establishing that the game is combat focused.  After all, who better to show off first for a fighting game than a character that has already appeared as a playable character in at least two of them?  Plus, the Ninja Turtles are the oldest characters in Nickelodeon’s library when you consider that they first aired in the 80′s, before Nickelodeon even started making cartoons.  This is a character that everyone recognizes, parents included.

Lincoln Loud comes next, a more modern character that adults might not know but kids will.  This is to quickly lure the kids, who have less patience than adults, into watching the rest of the trailer, assuring them that it won’t just be older characters like the turtles that show up.

Powdered Toast Man comes next to snatch up the other side of the equation, the adults/90′s kids who remember him from the original Ren and Stimpy show from 1991.  I’m not sure if it’s still airing as reruns on Nick today, but considering I hear very little about the show online, I’m guessing not.  This is a bit of a surprise to the adults who thought it’d be a kids’ game, so it lures those folks into staying for the rest of the trailer as well.

Sandy is important to show off early for a number of reasons.  Spongebob is popular among kids and Millenials, and is arguably the only property here as well known as Ninja Turtles, so they’re luring in more fans.  It also serves to imply that other Spongebob characters will join, as, even though Sandy’s passion for karate makes total sense for her to appear in a fighting game, you still can’t leave out Spongebob himself.  Showing her first implies more possibilities of characters to come, proving it won’t just be a festival of protagonists like Jump Force was.  It also shows off their female representation to keep women interested.

Patrick is just a fan favorite to get out of the way before the sponge shows up, so he’s only here to confirm that the game is going to be full of characters that people actually want to see.

Oblina was personally a shocker to me, as I barely remember Ahh Real Monsters from my own childhood, but I remember enough to know that she wasn’t the protagonist, necessarily.  I also know it’s relatively obscure in comparison to Spongebob or Ren and Stimpy, so they proved that they are willing to take characters from more obscure shows that the young kids won’t remember.  This solidified my interest as I could tell that they are doing more to cater to the 90s generation than just confirming Powdered Toast Man.

Nigel Thornberry is arguably their most important addition at the halfway point.  Outside of Spongebob characters and maybe Stu Pickles, I would say Nigel is the internet’s favorite Nickelodeon character to use for memes.  The marketing team had to have known this.  After getting some of the core audiences hooked, they now have the memer crowd invested, ready to spread the word about the insanity of this game’s premise across the internet.  This is exactly what happened, and why the trailer has 2 million views on Youtube right now.

Lucy Loud is shown off quickly to remind the younger crowd to keep watching, and to add a little bit more female representation.

Spongebob is shown off a little bit late, but since we were expecting him to show up, it’s just to make sure the casual fans who only know the big names stay watching.

Helga is an older character, but I recently saw a young kid wearing a Hey Arnold tee shirt at the supermarket, so I’m positive it’s being shown as reruns on Nick today, so most Nick fans of all ages will be excited about her.  Moreover, since she came immediately after Spongebob, who is a protagonist that was introduced after Sandy, a side character from his show, it gives an implication that Arnold will also appear.  Although he is not introduced in this trailer, it allows the fans to speculate that he will soon be showcased, perhaps in the next trailer.  Also, she’s the fourth female character shown, confirming that the game is being fair and inclusive to both sexes and not simply catering to male gamers, like say, Jump Force or Dragonball Fighter Z.

Reptar is another shocker, because although Rugrats is very popular and well known throughout the generations, he is a very, very minor character in the show.  He is literally a fictional character within a separate fictional universe.  The marketing team threw him in to show off that just about any character from any Nick property, no matter how minor or obscure, has a chance of making it into this game.  Again, this forces the fans to speculate about future announcements with even more creative thinking, as we now know that it won’t just be major characters joining the fray.

Zim is a well thought out choice because he caters to a specific crowd that I’d describe as the alternative niche.  That is to say, there are people who are fans of Invader Zim who don’t watch other Nick shows, so they are luring in the folks you’d expect to see at Hot Topic and the like.  It was an edgy show with a feel and fanbase unlike other shows of its era, so it’s important to use him to diversify the roster.  They also showed off Gir as his assist, and although that may deconfirm him as playable, it still pleases the fans, who often prefer Gir over Zim.

Danny Phantom is the only character that comes strictly from the 2000s era, so they are making sure to maintain the attention of the teenagers who watched that show as kids.

Leonardo seems like an odd choice to end on, maybe even anticlimactic, since they started with Michelangelo, but it makes sense when you think about it.  They couldn’t show just 1 turtle, or else it might imply that the game’s roster was small.  But if they showed all 4 turtles, they would have needed to leave two other characters out of the trailer to make room for them, and they didn’t want to make it look like a Turtles fighting game with guest characters.  So having exactly 2 turtles allows them to show off enough characters from other properties, while also confirming unofficially that the other turtles would appear later, since you can’t just have 2 of the 4 turtles in the game.  By leaving it open like that, they’re giving an implication that the roster is going to be huge.  So big that the turtles were just a small portion of it.  They end the trailer this way to leave the crowd speculating again: how many characters will appear in total?

The only characters that curiously don’t show up in the trailer are the cast of the Avatar franchise, who are quite popular.  However, one of the stages shown is clearly the Air Temple with Aang’s glider in plain sight, implying that Avatar characters will be announced later.  Another smart move to instill hope in the fans.

Finally, the Rollback Netcode announcement that came afterward solidified a very important group- the serious/competitive gamers.  For those who don’t know, rollback netcode is relatively new technology that speeds up online gameplay to cut down on input lag, which is super important for fighting games in particular, as they rely on strict timing more than other game genres.  It’s so new, however, that not all competitive fighting games use it.  Popular tournament fighters like Super Smash Bros, Tekken, and Dragonball Fighter Z have not implemented rollback netcode for their games yet, so of all games, Nickelodeon All Star Brawl beating them to the punch is causing a stir.  This is a sign that the devs are putting serious effort into making the game enjoyable online, which could potentially help its chances to be taken seriously in competitive settings.  Only time will tell if that truly happens, but it’s a sign of quality, nonetheless.

So ultimately, this short trailer and announcement manage to cater to dang near every crowd that may want to play it: Kids, teenagers, young adults in their 20s and 30s, parents in their 40s, men, women, memers, casual fans, alternative fans, and serious gamers, and opens up a ton of potential for speculation regarding new announcements.  That’s a fantastic way to start off and explains why this game, which for all intents and purposes should have been nothing more than a thought experiment that people joke about in the car with friends, has been trending so much for the past two weeks.  Congrats to the marketing team for what they put together.

[ourplaceinthecosmosphff]

Chapter 29. Borrowed Time

‘Harder days are coming. The loan of borrowed time will be due on the horizon. (...)’ - Ingeborg Bachmann

The most northern village in Savoy was Valois-Narcisse, so small that it wasn’t actually reachable by any form of public transportation. Not a lot of people in Savoy even knew Valois-Narcisse by name; Bayona, on the East Coast, was the closest reference point, a beach village considered an under-rated touristic spot. Historically, Valois-Narcisse was populated by sheep and eggplant farmers, not a very sexy niche, and it was still how the village’s only export to local and regional farmer’s markets.

For the following few weeks after Ascot, every time Harry tried to talk about it, his phone corrected the name to ‘value narcissism’, so by the time I drove past the small, rusted iron sign that read its name, I couldn’t help but smile.

One of the reasons Valois-Narcisse was so abandoned was that it was mostly situated up a mountain. Not at the top of the mountain, exactly, although parts of it were. The village just stretched along the mountain, with most of its commerce and eateries, however scarce, down below, and the houses built towards the top, including a couple of small hostels and, lucky for us, one very odd Airbnb.

The houses, bridges and streets were all built of stone and wood, with wildflowers and weeds growing in between, and across the mountain, beyond the village, stood the vast, beautiful Celtic Sea. On days of low tide, locals swore they could see the outline of the Irish coast on the horizon, at least according to the description on Airbnb.

But even if that was an exaggeration, we wouldn’t have cared, because what drew Harry and I to Valois-Narcisse that weekend was how desolate and empty it was. Paparazzi wouldn’t dream of finding us there, so it was there that we scheduled our first getaway. Our first secret rendezvous. Or, as Harry kept reminding me, our first date.

We had been texting non-stop since I left his house after Ascot, about what happened, and also about all things around us, what we were doing or not, and a lot of nothing. It was over text that we made the plans to meet in Vallois-Narcisse for the first time since getting together, it was over text that we discussed the latest of the Adrien saga (he’d been seen out in a club with the singer-girlfriend and their friends), and it was over text that he informed me that since we never got to go on our date the previous year, during our weekend in Vallois-Narcisse, he was going to pull all the stops to ‘take me out’’.

“Are we going out for dinner?” I asked, in our Airbnb, while I got ready in the middle of the afternoon.

“Not really.” He replied, from the small sitting room right outside our suite. “And stop trying to guess, just get ready.”

He had refused to tell me anything about the date, claiming it was supposed to be as real as the real one would have been and in the real one, it would have been a surprise.

“It’s very hard to get ready when I don’t know what we’re doing.” I sighed. “How casual am I supposed to look?”

“Casual.” He replied, unhelpful. “Maybe wear sneakers.”

“Well, that’s one decision off my conscience.” I mumbled to myself, staring at my options laid out in the bed, my small suitcase open on the floor.

I had chosen a preppy, plaid short skirt in shades of white and blue, and I had all the tops I had brought in the bed as possible options. For shoes, I removed the flats from the lineup, and put on my white Nike’s, turning around to look at the tops again.

“Are you ready? It’s time.” Harry called from the other room.

“Just–! Just give me ten minutes!” I shouted back, nervously.

I realized how ridiculous it was. It was just a gesture – a sweet, romantic, gesture – to have a first date when we had already slept together more than once. More than twice. The previous night, for instance. It made no sense, it was just sweet. So there was no reason to be nervous, and I knew that. Rationally, I knew that.

Still, as I looked at the clothes I brought, I hated every single one. I threw the Jurassic Park tee back into the suitcase – too casual –, and looked at the Kimono top, a greenish blue shade, long, loose sleeves, a nice, laidback fit to contrast with the skirt. The other two options, a tight, square neckline, navy blue, crop top, and a loose, green, blouse with spaghetti sleeves, both matched the skirt and were casual enough, but seemed more appropriate for the weather.

“…It’s been ten minutes.” Harry’s voice came back from the other room, patiently cautious.

“Coming!”

In one panicked move, I grabbed the green, strappy blouse and put it on. I rushed to the bathroom and quickly applied some tinted sunblock to my face. I wanted to apply actual makeup, but convinced myself it was silly. He’d seen me without makeup many times already. It wasn’t a real first date, no matter how big the knot on my stomach was, so I just grabbed a pair of earrings, my every-day necklace, and sunglasses, and burst through the door in a hurry, ready to run as if we had an actual reservation, even though I was perfectly aware that no restaurant in this village town worked like that.

“Okay, I’m ready, let’s go!” I said, looking at him, who startled up from the couch and looked me up and down, appreciatively.

“Mary, wow.” He smiled, slowly, approaching me with careful steps. “You look…”

“What are you doing?!” I laughed, blushing. “You saw me five minutes ago. I look the same. I just put on a different, very casual, outfit.”

“Will you just pretend with me? Please?” He sighed, rolling his eyes. “We never got to have our first date, just… let’s just pretend we’re a normal couple today.”

I shook my head, grinning. “…Fine.”

He took another step towards me and, from seemingly thin air, produced a white daisy.

I sighed. I wanted to say ‘really?’, but I bit down my sarcasm, and took my flower.

“Thank you. It’s beautiful!” I said, adding a little more emotion than necessary.

He sighed heavily, making me laugh. “Come on, ma’am, we have a date.”

“Yes, sir.”

Our Airbnb was in a secluded property at the end of a dead-end granite driveway off of the main road. Instead of taking that direction, however, we walked towards the hike trail in the opposite direction. I wanted to ask what was on the huge backpack he’d brought, but I knew he was just waiting for the opportunity to tell me it was a surprise, so I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction.

He announced we had arrived when we reached a clearing amongst the trees. The grass and weeds were a little high, but nothing that made it impossible for us to sit down and enjoy ourselves. Especially because, as I soon discovered, Harry had a picnic blanket in his backpack. Because Harry had a whole picnic in his backpack.

“A picnic?!” I asked, excited.

“You like picnics?” He smiled, setting the blanket down.

“I love picnics!” I said, excitedly. “Don’t go to many, because… you know, outside, not very safe.”

“Yes, I do know.” He nodded, going through his bag, “Fortunately this place has enough privacy for us.”

“How did you even know to come here?”

“I googled it.” He replied, simply.

From his bag, he took out a bottle of sparkly wine and two ceramic looking plastic plates, which he sat down at opposite ends of the blanket. He then placed two linen napkins, folded, on top, with a set of cutlery over each.

“You thought this through.” I noticed.

“Of course I did.” He shrugged, removing a piece of paper from his pocket and reading it quickly. “I do have visual aids, though.”

In his bag, he also had acrylic Tupperware with a number of cheeses, which he then laid out on a wooden board. In another container, he had brought an assortment of cut veggies with a smaller cup inside, with ranch, which he remembered was my favorite. For our main course, he dramatically revealed large sandwiches from his favorite London restaurant, perfectly packaged and cut, for easier consumption. And for dessert, there were also a number of fruits and two small pots with what looked like cheesecakes.

“This is… incredible.”

He seemed the most flattered I had ever seen him.

“Thank you!” He said, folding his note quickly.

“Can I see that?”

“What? Oh, no, it’s just a little reminder of where things go–Oh–okay.”

I walked over to him and grabbed the paper before he could return it to his pocket; it was a list of instructions on how to set up the picnic, in his own handwriting. It even said ‘transfer cheese to wooden board’ and included a drawing of how to set up the napkins on top of the plates, with the cutlery on top of the napkins.

“This is… so sweet.” I gushed, watching him blush. “Where did you get this from?”

“I googled picnics.” He shrugged. “Well, first I googled first date ideas. Then saw the picnic idea and went on google street view to see if this place would be good for one. Then googled how to do a picnic.” He shrugged, grabbing the paper back and folding it. “Not a big deal.”

It was the way he blushed slightly and still made it sound like it wasn’t a big deal that he put in that much effort into giving us one afternoon where we could pretend we were a normal couple, untouched by tragedy. That’s what made my heart swoon for him.

I didn’t even have time to kiss him, though. He was so adamant to continue as if nothing was the problem that he just held my hand and sat down, pulling me with him.

“So…” He started, smiling. “So good that we are finally able to do this.”

“It is.” I agreed, amused.

“Wine?”

“Yes, please.”

“So, tell me, what is it that you do?” I laughed so loudly he reluctantly joined me.

“I’m sorry, it’s just too weird.”

“Come on!” He complained. “Like a normal first date, just go with it.”

“Okay, okay…” I sighed, still smiling. “What I do for a living… I… I am a lawyer.” He gave me an annoyed look. “What? If I’m talking to someone who doesn’t know what I do for a living, I’m not gonna tell them.”

“Fair. But be honest.”

I sighed. “Alright. I have a law degree from Harvard, which I’m really proud of, and I mostly have experience with copyright law… But I am not practicing right now.”

“Really? How so?”

I gave him an annoyed look this time. “I… I made a career change last year towards working on my… family business.”

He grinned. “How interesting.”

“Thank you. It’s been very rewarding.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t an easy choice to make.”

My smile faltered slightly. “It wasn’t fully my choice… But I’m happy with it, regardless.” I added, to assuage his reaction.

He nodded, silently. After a while, he added, “Are you?”

I shifted the position of my legs under me, using the time it took to think it through.

“Yes. Yes? I think so.” I shrugged. “Honestly, I haven’t really stopped to figure that out… Not exactly a priority.”

“It should be.”

I smiled. Not knowing how to change the subject, I reached out to the platter next to me and grabbed a piece of cheese.

“This is really good.” I added.

He smiled, accepting of the change of subject.

“Alright, time for you to ask something.”

“Oh. Okay… Uhm.” I finished chewing slowly as I thought about it. “Where… are you from? Originally?”

He rolled his eyes, smiling. “I’m from England.”

“Oh, really? Interesting.” I said, overly impressed. “Where in England?”

“London.” He added, grinning. “I was born and raised in Central London.”

“Fancy.” I added, appreciatively, making him chuckle. “Do you like living there?”

He considered this. “…not particularly.”

I stopped chewing. “Really?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know… I mean, I liked it, yes, in that… generic, mandatory way you always feel you must like the place you are from. Like, I will defend it if I must. But… if I had a choice, would I want to spend the rest of my life there? I’m not sure I would.”

“Huh.”

“What?”

“Nothing.” I shook my head. “Well.”

“Go on.” He said, grinning.

“Oh, I just mean… I love New York, it was one of the best experiences of my life living there for a year after law school, even if those memories are tainted with the presence of my ex… But as much as I love New York, and a lot of other places I’ve been to… coming home to Savoy is just…” I shrugged. “I don’t know, I couldn’t imagine staying away forever, you know? It’s home.”

He nodded. “I don’t know, I just don’t have that sense of attachment to England. To my family and friends, sure. But to the place? I don’t know. I don’t think so.”

We were silent for a while, eating cheese and drinking wine, and pondering over the words said. Then he perked up again, cheerily, and said,

“Tell me about your family.”

I gave the sky an eye roll. “…Fine.”

“Wow. So aggressive.” He noted, chuckling.

“Shut up.” I said. “Okay. Well, I’m the oldest of three. My brother was the middle child, but he passed away last year. He was three years younger than me and we got along really well. My sister is about eleven years younger than me, so we are not as close, though we’ve gotten a lot closer recently.”

“That’s nice to hear.” He smiled.

“My mother was born in Northern Savoy, her father is French, her mother is Savoyen. My grandfather has a property management and consultancy business, and my grandmother was always a stay-at-home mother. My mother only has one sister, Aunt Katherine, who’s now taken over my grandfather’s business, though her husband, Merlin, who is a Lord, seems to be making most of the calls. That is the root of most of the disagreements between my mother and Aunt, currently.”

“Tough.” He noted.

“Aunt Katherine has two children, Camille is the eldest, she’s been married to Hamilton Costeau for a few years, he’s a hotshot nightclub owner from the capital, and they’re expecting their first child currently. Her brother, Adam, is a freelance graphic designer, he’s married to a writer named Marcia. They’re probably my most normal relatives except that they’re wild, crazy hippies.”

He laughed. “How so?”

“They had a fully vegan wedding in a bowling alley and they live in a boat.”

He almost spit out his wine laughing. “What?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m gonna need more information.”

“There’s not really that much more to it. To be fair, the vegan menu was actually pretty good and bowling is fun. Haven’t been bowling since, so it’s a good memory. We don’t see them a lot, because of the boat.”

“When you say boat…?”

“Not a yatch or anything like that. It’s one of those small, house boats, like in Amsterdam? Except they actually use it to sail around since they’re both freelance and can work from anywhere.”

“Honestly… that sounds great.”

“They’re cool.” I nodded. “Let’s see… on my father’s side, he has two older sisters. Marilou Bondy is in her sixties, her husband is a Vice Admiral in the navy, and they have two kids in their mid-thirties. Zaccharie, married to Amber, they have two kids who are three and five years-old. Zacc is a business manager in a shipping company, his wife has a graduate degree in Psychology, but now is a stay-at-home mom. Zacc’s sister, Heloise, is CEO of a multinational company, and her husband is a doctor. They’re by far my relatives who’ve got it together the most.”

“Sounds like it, those are some big jobs. They have kids?”

“A two year old, adorable. All my cousin’s children are. We have good genes.” He laughed. “Let me see, what else? My father’s second oldest sister, Stephanie, married a Lord of Luxembourg, uncle Ellis, so they live there. They have three kids, Josephine, Klaus, and Catarina.”

“Klaus! I know Klaus!” He said, happily, “Love Klaus. He’s fun!”

“Yes, he’s… very you.” I noted, amused. “How did you two meet, anyway?”

“Oh, he met a friend of mine during gap year, so my friend introduced us at a festival later on.”

“Of course.” I nodded. “As you know, he works for an investment firm. His youngest sister, Catarina, is twenty-three, she took a few years after school to figure it out, so she’s still finishing her degree. And the oldest, Josephine, is an interior designer, and she’s actually getting married next month, to Marius Allard, who owns a network of gyms in Luxembourg.”

“Royal wedding?” He asked.

“A small one, but yes.”

“You going?”

 “Yes.” I smiled. “Anyway. Then, there’s my father, the middle child, oldest brother, and they also have two youngest brothers. Or, had. Adrien’s father died many years ago of lymphoma, so now Adrien is next in line for the throne after Lourdes. You know him, so no need to go into it.”

“How is he doing in New York, by the way?” He asked, pouring us more wine. “I read he and the singer were seen partying in a boat?”

“For the fourth of July, yes.” I nodded. “My father and the advisors are… how can I say it? Pissed.” He chuckled. “Celebrating an American holiday, half naked, in a boat, with a bunch of celebrities, including his pink-haired girlfriend… they want him to come back.”

“Of course they do.”

“Adrien has a younger sister, Natalie, who’s my favorite.” I said, gushing. “She’s awesome, sweet, positive, always down for a good chat, though not big into parties or crowds–”

“So, the opposite of Adrien?”

“Yes.” I laughed. “Nat is getting her masters in Sorbonne, she studies literature and communications. Their mom, Princess Annette, has been a working royal for many years. Finally, my youngest uncle, Prince Albert, is also a working royal. He divorced his wife about five years ago, which was a huge scandal at the time, but we’ve managed to ride it out, and now everyone gets along fine. His ex-wife is even still a working royal, as well.”

“Woah.” He said, brows raised. “We could learn a thing or two from about how to handle divorce in a healthy way.”

“Agreed.” I said, teasing. “They have three kids. Maryanne is eighteen, currently serving her minimum military course post-graduation. Her brother James is sixteen, he’s in boarding school in Switzerland, and Sarah, who’s ten, attends the same boarding school as Lourdes… and that’s it. Unless you want to hear about my extended family, in which case we might be here a while.”

He nodded. While he digested the info-dump I’d just given him, I took the time to finish my wine and have some veggies and ranch.

“Question.” He said, unwrapping our sandwiches, “Why did you only mention two or three working royals?”

“My father’s oldest sisters lost their title upon marriage, and Aunt Stephanie lives in Luxembourg. Aunt Marilou and her husband do work sometimes, but that’s mostly because of her husband’s Admiral job. So, it’s mostly my father and his brothers who work for the Crown. Since Uncle James died, Adrien and his mom work, too, although he’s in New York now. His sister is still in school, so she’s excused. And that leaves uncle Albert and his ex-wife, and their kids are too young. There’s also some cousins of my father who are working royals, though they also have private careers.”

He nodded. “So that’s why you said you would have to become a working royal eventually.”

“Yep. That’s why a lot of the burden was already mine before, and also why I knew it would eventually be mine again. I just… I had hoped I’d have some time in-between.”

“Well,” he took the cheese platter and moved it to the side, leaning in closer to me. “You have time now.”

“I do, don’t I?” I smiled. “What should I do with it?”

“I have an idea.” He grinned, leaning in the rest of the way to touch his lips to mine.

His hand cupped my jaw as we kissed, my skin warm either from the sun or his touch. I put my glass down, mindlessly, not caring when I felt it fall to the grass. I slid my hand across his hair and laid back down, pulling him on top of me.

It was just one afternoon of borrowed time, but it was ours.

— ---- —

It was a cloudy summey day, not great weather for a royal wedding, but it would have to do because Princess Josephine Anne-Marie Elyse of Luxembourg was ready to become Mrs. Marius Allard.

Normally, we wouldn’t all go to a royal wedding just because we were royals, but we were family this time, so we arrived, my family and I, in Luxembourg two nights before. The rehearsal dinner went without a hitch, and so the following morning we got ready in our hotel and waited with other foreign family members for the shutles that would drive us to the church.

I had changed Harry’s contact on my phone to Hedwig – a name I took from Harry Potter – just in case someone saw me texting him, which was bound to happen as were texting so much more often. This didn’t stop my heart from nearly freezing when I received a photo from him. It was a mirror selfie showcasing him in his ceremony military uniform, black and red, with medals to his chest. The text read: ‘beautiful day for a wedding’.

I sighed; A few weeks prior to this, Harry had excitedly informed me during a late-night facetime call, that his family had assigned him to represent them to Josephine’s wedding.

“Why?!” I asked then, astonished.

“Ouch.” He said, sarcastic. “I’m great at weddings.”

“I’m not saying you’re not.” I said, rolling my eyes. “And of course I want to see you! But… my whole family is going to be there! Isn’t your father supposed to do these things? Or your uncle?”

“My father will be busy, my uncle was going to go, yes, but turns out his son has pneumonia so he’s staying put.” He shrugged. “And since I know Klaus, they figured I would be more familiar to the bride and groom than my brother.”

I was quiet, biting my lower lip nervously.

“What? This is good! I’m excited I get to see you all dolled up so soon!”

But I couldn’t get my excitement to match his – and I tried. It was just too risky, not to mention it felt like the day would be torture. To be near him again and have to pretend I didn’t want to hold his hand? Kiss his lips? Rip the clothes right off his body? It was too much.

Sighing, I went to the bathroom and discreetly took my own mirror selfie showcasing my light pink dress with a darker pink on a slit falling from my hips, and my large disc fascinator, and texted it to him.

‘It is unfair how perfect you look’, he replied. It made me smile, and I tried to hold on to that feeling as we rode to the church.

As family, we were close to the last group to arrive, so when I walked down the red carpeted entrance towards the church behind my parents, all I could think was that Harry must already be inside.

We trotted behind, stopping to salute the military battalion in formation under the country’s flag – a Luxembourg tradition. Military personnel saluted, civilians lowered their heads or curtsied. Since mandatory minimum service was still considered service, I saluted with my father, as mom and Lourdes curtsied.

Inside, we were ushered to the front of the church by a palace aide. Because of the odd number of seats, our parents and I were seated one row in front of Lourdes, who found herself sitting between, of all people, Adrien and Harry.

My parents greeted Adrien, who was there fresh from a plane from New York, and then looked at Harry, who received from then a curt nod before they turned to the front.

"How's...? Uhm?" I started, as my cousin kissed my cheeks.

"Sienna?" He asked, sighing. "Her name is Sienna."

"Right. Sienna."

"She's good. She's recording a new album." He replied.

"How... fortuitous." I nodded, as he took his seat again.

Before I sat down, Harry managed to give me a sneaky wink. I blushed, and turned to the front.

We seemed to be the last frontier between family and important guests, as next to Harry sat other royals and in front of us, were mostly empty seats that filled quickly after we arrived.

Just as the music started, Lourdes, who'd been chatting excitedly between Adrien and Harry, sighed loudly and stage-whispered,

"Ah, damn, I'll barely be able to see Josephine from here." She complained. “Margueritte’s hat is too big.”

As calm as I could, I turned to her, taking the care to make myself sound annoyed. "Do you want to trade seats?"

"Really?" She asked, "Is that allowed?"

I looked at my parents, who were already discreetly looking at us.

"Is it?" I asked.

"I believe so." My father said.

Mom leaned closer to me. "Are you sure you don't mind, chérie?"

I smiled, already getting to my feet. "It's fine. At least this way she'll be quiet."

"I heard that." Lourdes said as she passed me by.

I took her seat and crossed my legs at my ankles, holding my head high facing forward, pretending I didn't see the grin on Harry's face. 

Josephine looked breathtaking; lace bodice, three quarter sleeves, flowy, tulle, ball gown skirt, hair pinned back in a low hairdo, a long veil falling down from her family’s tiara – a Luxembourg tiara –, matching diamond earrings. It was difficult to take my eyes from her, except from one thing.

Harry was touching my hand. His fingers very gently grazed mine, slowly stretching until our middle fingers were enlaced. It was such a simple gesture. Such a light touch. But so many people around who were not meant to know about us. My heart beat faster on my chest and I felt my skin warmer as I remembered all the other ways in which that hand had touched me. I risked a look at him, who stared ahead determinedly.

As the song came to a slow end, I pulled my hand from his, startled, thinking for some reason the silence would make us more visible.

The priest began to speak in a monotone, calm voice up front. By my side, Harry adjusted himself in his seat, leaving his left knee to lightly, but very deliberately, touch mine.

I bit down a grin, sighing. Thinking two could play this game, I reached for the neckline of my dress with my hand, adjusting it slightly as if to fix something, but ‘accidentally’ pulling it down sligthly. As it was V shaped, this enlarged my cleavage only slightly, especially as I crossed my arms over my lap, pulling my breasts together.

I stared ahead, ignoring Harry, but I felt his leg press harder against mine.

“Beautiful wedding, isn’t it?” I whispered to him, pointing my chest in his direction.

“Is this another catholic tradition?” He whispered very lightly leaning closer to me. I smiled, blushing.

I looked down at my lap, fiddling with the program. I had no idea where we were on it, which is why I startled again as suddenly everyone rose from their seats to sing another hymn. I followed, pulling my dress up nervously, but I did leave my arm down hoping Harry would touch my hand again.

It took him what felt like the whole song, but then he finally did. I allowed my own fingers to caress his this time, missing being able to touch him, feeling my palms sweating as the thought.

When we sat down again, and someone else started speaking, he leaned down slowly and asked, whispery:

“Truth or dare?”

I sighed dramatically, and gave him a stern look, hiding my amusement.

“Truth.” I mouthed.

He grinned, and leaned down again. “What were you thinking about during the song?”

What he was asking was, of course, ‘what were you thinking about while our hands touched secretly in the middle of this very full church?’

I leaned to him, but starting ahead, said, “About how good it felt last time you fingered me–”

He sighed, heavily, leaning away from me, adjusting his tie as if it was the most important thing in the world.

He didn’t allow me to ask it back, his eyes stared firmly and frustratingly ahead for the rest of the – very long – service.

When Josephine and Marius walked out as husband and wife, we all waited for their close families to follow and then to the aides to guide us away at the right time. Harry continued to deliberately look away from me at all times. 

We were ushered back into the shuttles with the rest of the family, everyone talking excitedly about their favorite moments of the ceremony. I kept my comments to the dress, the only part I remembered in detail.

The reception was held in the palace; I didn’t see Harry again for a very long time. No one seemed to have noticed anything out of the ordinary, other than Lourdes who asked if I was mad at him because we seemed to have ‘barely spoken’.

As all the guests were in their seats, I finally found Harry in a distant table with other foreign royals who weren’t family. There were speeches, there were dances, there were entrées and champagne, and Harry’s eyes continued to find mine whenever I looked at him. Luckily, I was able to distract myself by my family grilling Adrien about his inappropriate girlfriend.

Conversation was the sound of the night in between courses when I decided to find a bathroom to re-apply my lipstick.

“If you pass by a waiter, would you ask for someone to bring me more water?” Lourdes asked as I left.

“I’m not your maid.”

“Really? It’ll cost nothing–”

“Shut up, of course I’ll do it.”

She rolled her eyes in response.

I was distracted, looking around for a waiter, when my eyes found Harry’s again. This time, too intense to look away. He put his hands in his pocket and pointedly walked out of the hall.

I sighed. It was too idiotic a choice to follow him. Yet, there I was. My feet moving of their own accord.

He walked off down the hallway, calm as can be, stopping only to ask an aide for directions. Down another hallway, he turned to the right, before confidently opening a door, turning back to lock his eyes on mine, and walk inside.

I bit my lower lip and looked around. There was a staff member walking off in the distance, but no one around other than that. I didn’t know if that would last. I walked to the door,  and casually looked around one more time. No one was watching. No one around. I took in a deep breath, and walked inside.

I quickly closed the door behind me, but I had no time to notice anything else. Harry’s lips were on mine, strongly, arms framing me in place against the door. One hand turned the lock, the other traveled up and down my side, his heavy breath on my skin.

“That was not okay.” He said, voice low, anguished, against my neck. “Back there.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I said, innocently. “All I remember is a lovely ceremony.”

He grinned against my neck in between kisses. “Fuck you.”

"It's true.”

“You liked when I fingered you, right?” He asked, lightly biting my earlobe. “Maybe I should do it again, then.”

My whole body trembled at the thought of going back outside, pretending nothing had happened, still pulsating with his touch on me.

“…maybe you should.” I said, weakly, feeling his large hand grasp my breast. “Right here. Right now.”

“…that would be really stupid, now, wouldn’t it?” He asked, reaching down for the hem of my dress, pulling it upwards. “We wouldn’t want to be caught… what would they think?”

“It would be such a scandal.” I agreed, feeling his hands now grip my thighs, pulling me up in one quick move.

He pinned against the wall, legs around his waist, leaving me in the perfect position to feel him thrusting his hardened dick against my crotch.

He touched his forehead to mine, and grinned.

“You’re fucking torture, Your Royal Highness.”

I grinned, happily, wrapping my legs tighter around him.

“You like it.”

He smiled in response, his hands rounded my thighs to reach below in between my legs, finding a path under my wet underwear.

“I do.” He confessed, touching me like it was the very first time. “I like it a lot.”

--- ---- ---

[A/N: Well. This was a lot. LOL what do you think??? A lot of...stuff coming so I wanted to take a chapter for happiness only. Also, I promise all that family tree stuff is important. THANK YOU FOR READING AND SORRY I’M LATE! Have a grat week! Next chapter: invictus games! harry’s birthday! MM and Harry get careless... tune in to find out what happens ;) ]

[mzminola]

Most of the time on here when I talk about racism it’s about the kind done by the creators of a given piece of media (author, writing team, marketing department, etc) but today I’m gonna talk about racism done by fans.

Specifically erasure and sidelining/downgrading characters of color in ensembles. The three examples I have are from the sort of tumblr-specific multi-fan reblog works. Gonna put this all behind a cut, with links & descriptions.

Example 1 [https://mzminola.tumblr.com/post/161130456813/sperari-foundloveinbudapest-obsessiforge]

The OP made a four-panel comic of Sam Wilson, Natasha Romanoff, Bucky Barnes, and Steve Rogers sitting at a table to play D&D, with a caption stating they headcanon Guardians of the Galaxy as the Avenger’s D&D campaign that Bucky DM’s. Sam & Natasha are only visible in the final panel, but they are very clearly there, and no other Avengers are.

Other people reblogged this with their own match-ups of which Avenger is playing which Guardian, and this particular reblog someone has done Natasha=Gamora, Tony=Quill, Thor=Drax, Bruce=Groot. 

Completely ignoring that the comic to kick this off features Sam Wilson, not those three other guys. When I first reblogged this, I tried to find commentators that included Sam, but it was a needle-in-a-haystack situation and I gave up.

Example 2 [https://mzminola.tumblr.com/post/186125797093/if-were-gonna-keep-rebooting-things-in-2019-then]

The OP suggest a Leverage reboot for 2019, lists a few ideas, and ends with “Sophie becomes president”. The first commentator points out that Sophie can’t, because she’s not an American citizen, and suggests Hardison instead, including the idea that with the voting machines un-hacked, Hardison wins in a truly fair election.

The third commentator says we can’t do that because of Hardison’s age, referencing a single episode where a character who is not Hardison himself says he’s 24. A fourth commentator suggests Parker or Maggie instead.

My objection here might seem a little nitpicky; if we rule out Sophie because of her nationality, why not Hardison due to his age? If we tweak canon to make Hardison old enough (since this is a reboot suggestion), or change what year the election is, why not tweak it to make Sophie American?

Well, that’s the thing: a lot of fandom racism of this type (erasure, sidelining) is easy to ‘justify’ or downplay in the particular instance, but is still part of an overall pattern. Much like how slash fandom still has a massive problem with sidelining women characters; sure a single fic might have decent reasons, but when it happens over and over and over again?

This Leverage thread had someone suggest the only black main character in the show become President of the United States in a fair election, and the response by some other fan was to immediately say that couldn’t happen because of one contestable trivia point.

Example 3 [https://mzminola.tumblr.com/post/189671198448/kaylapocalypse-lonepower-thrawn-thrawn]

OP suggests a Star Wars AU in which Rey is a hockey player and Finn is a figure skater. A+ concept, love it.

Then we get someone copying another reblogger’s tag of “Poe drives the zamboni” and someone else adds “poe “i just work here””.

And okay. Maintenance staff is fucking vital to everything, everywhere, but it’s still questionable to take a post about “what would these space action adventure characters do in an ice athletics AU” and assign the hotshot pilot a role that isn’t also athletics, you know? Its’s not like hockey and figure skating are the only ice athletics in the world, if you’re trying to give everyone a different niche.

~

So those are the examples I have on hand; first two are someone includes a character of color, other people ignore them or downgrade their role in favor of white characters. Third is someone playing with an AU (that gives a fun, positive role to a character of color, heck yeah figure skater Finn) and someone else brings up a character of color just to give them a less glamorous role than the originally mentioned characters.

So, what do we do with this?

Couple suggestions:

If you’re creating content with an ensemble, double check who you’re giving attention to, and if you notice yourself ignoring characters of color...include them! If you’re only including them with a bare nod, go back and include them more! If you’re giving them less interesting, glamorous, important, etc roles than the other characters, examine your own reasoning for a bit, to shake your assumptions up...and then go give them equally cool (or even cooler) stuff to do!

If you’re in a group participation setting like tumblr, don’t knock down what other people set up. Someone says “let’s have Character do Cool Thing!” and you know some canon factoids that get in the way of that...leave it be. Don’t jump in to say why it doesn’t work. I totally get the urge to correct people about canon, I really truly do, but this is not the moment to do it.

“What if I’m using the canon facts to suggest an alternative cool thing for the character to do?” Awesome, make a new post! So you know that “XYZ Canon Facts means Character cannot be Empress”? Maybe that’s worth including in your post, maybe it’s not, but either way making a new post of “Character could be Democratically Elected Prime Minister and Secret Princess!” is awesome! Now you’re contributing fun content without raining on anyone else’s parade, yay!

If you see someone else doing the “ignore or sideline” thing don’t reblog it with no comment. The examples I used in this post are all instances where I reblogged it and added my own commentary. Did I flat out go “hey you’re being racist”? No, I didn’t. I could have! I might in the future! What I did do:

I questioned where the hell Sam was and pointed out he was in the original comic, dismissed the age issue and re-asserted that Hardison should be president, and suggested an ice athletics role for Poe.

You know what I do even more often? I go back up the reblog chain. That’s one of the reasons why I have so few examples. It’s not always possible to go up the reblog chain; url changes, deletions, or the racism being embedded in the middle of a long reblog chain with unracist and cool stuff further down all mean that sometimes, I’m going to reblog a post that has these problems.

So I comment. I refuse to let the erasure and sidelining slide by.

Do you, hypothetical reader, have to do that?

I don’t know. I’m not you. But now you know about this pattern (if you didn’t before), and you know some responses to it, to make informed decisions.

[atendersun-archived]

📦

Send “📦” for your muse to find a memento of my muse’s past that they keep hidden away or in storage.

There was something so therapeutic and freeing about spring cleaning. Almost every item he owned was brought into the living room very early that morning for him to begin sorting. His main intention behind downsizing his belongings was that he sought to have a fresh start in a way that didn’t necessarily require him to just blindly throw out everything he was possibly very attached to. There was admittedly no need for him to necessarily keep all of the fandom related action figures or collectibles that decorated two bookshelves in his home when a lot of them were either impulse purchases to begin with, or were from a time he was interested in something he’d since moved on from over time. Before he marketed them online for what they were worth, or donated them to some place where they could have been picked up by someone else, he figured it couldn’t have hurt to invite a couple friends over at different times to have their pick of things before then.

He’d pretty much made as far as he was going to get by the time Nich arrived over. Set aside in bins were piles dedicated for donating, throwing away, and keeping. Two of the three were obviously free to be searched, but he seemed adamant that nobody open up any boxes he’d gone ahead and sealed away for privacy. None really contained anything of significant secrets in them, or if they did he sure wasn’t going to express that. One in particular he hoped his long time friend would keep completely contained, or else they maybe would have had quite a sight.

“I wouldn’t open that one if I was you. That’s the underwear box”, he jokingly warned. Unless they wanted to take witness to the pairs of fuzzy, feminine, and Japanese inspired undergarments he’d once been a fan of back when his size allowed him to wear them, it probably would have been in the other male’s best interest to draw their attention elsewhere.

Muu had been very content and distracted with his task of placing his keep items back in their designated areas in his home when he caught sight of Nich flipping through the pages of a book he could have sworn he’d tossed away a long time earlier, but evidently he’d forgotten all about it being thrown into the bin of books being given away. It was something that he had with him for so many years, back when he was just a student in his early years of education, but also one that hadn’t seen the light of day for a couple years. It was most definitely a nostalgic sight to unfold in just a glance, so he hurried over to share in the browsing.

“Oh, that’s my old sticker book. I- I used to have to go to Miss Mary’s room to do work, and she gave me stickers, you know? And then Nana would buy me some for chores, or for nice treats, so I could put more in there. Sometimes she’d even give Matthew an’ me quarters to go down to the laundry place to get the stickers from there, or play a couple games. Even sometimes the ladies gave me even more quarters. Or we’d get stuffed animals from the old people. I- I really liked my book, but.. I put it away when that boy was mean to me. Yes, I did bring it with me on a date one time. And, yes, he did say it was for babies, so I cried on the date. Now that I remember it, that was kinda embarrassing. And extreme. I’m real glad you found it, though, cause it didn’t deserve having to be put away for a long time. You know, if you want, you can keep it. There’s probably some in the pages that I didn’t even stick in there. You can use ‘em.”

[aire101]

Ferrum Chapter 5

LINK TO FIC MASTER POST

A/N:  Well, I'm definitely not winning Nanowrimo again this year, but I did get a chapter out earlier than previously, and hopefully I'll be updating again soon. Also, this chapter I attempted to briefly show different perspectives on the game being cleared, and both were based on what my own feelings would have been at two different points in my life, so don't come at me about it please. Take care of yourselves, and I hope you enjoy the chapter.

---

The Town of Beginnings had changed remarkably from three weeks ago.  Sure, the buildings and streets were all the same, but the mood and tension in the air hung like a thick blanket over nearly every person within the walls.  In sharp contrast, the NPC’s on the street continued to merrily hawk their wares and interact with those in the street, most of whom seemed to be ‘out of towners’ like themselves.  From windows above, you could occasionally see a face peering down before a drape would be pulled closed again.

All in all, it was distinctly unsettling, but exactly what Tony had expected.

“I knew some would hole up in the starter town, but this is a bit more intense than I imagined,” said Peter, as they made their way towards an inn.

“Kid, almost two thousands people have died since this game began—two out of every ten people who started.  In all honestly, I’m surprised how many of us have hit the ground running,” said Tony.

“I know, but turning into a complete shut-in seems a bit extreme.  Its not like anything is going to attack you within the city’s Safe Zone…”

“You say that, but that assumption is born from an inherent trust of the system.  A system that has already been previously hijacked and altered to trap us all here on the whim of a asshole with a god complex.  Considering that, who do you really think is crazy?  The ones who can’t bring themselves to trust the system to protect them, or the ones who do?” asked Tony.

“I guess when you put it that way, I see your point.  But still, we’re probably going to be here for a while.  Are they just planning on staying in one room for the next however many years?”

“I imagine some of them will eventually venture out and find their own niche in the world, even if it isn’t battling the local mobs.  Some will start fishing, or hunting, mining, cooking… the skill list for the game is extensive.  Some entrepreneurs will probably start opening player run businesses and establishments.  But I doubt we’ll see much of that until the Level One Floor Boss is found and cleared.  These people are stuck in the dark without a light, believing the system is rigged against them.  They need to see proof of what’s possible, a light to guide them forward, before we’ll see any real progress here.  And even then, there will still be some who never go further than the walls of this city,” said Tony.  “The amount of specialized therapy everyone in this game will need afterward is going to make some psychologists rich.”

Ahead of them, Tony saw a sign for an inn and turned to Peter.

“You can go ahead and get us set up for the night.  I’m going to go and find a tool shop and a smithy, see if I can add a durability upgrade.  Do you need anything while I’m out?” asked Tony.

“Um… Maybe some more potions.  I used the last one back in the West forest.  Though god those things taste like dirty socks,” said Peter, checking his inventory.

“You know, if you stopped doing dumb crap like jumping between me and attacks you wouldn’t have this problem,” said Tony, with a dry tone and a distinctly unsympathetic expression.

“What’s the point of having each other’s back if I don’t guard it?” said Peter, completely unrepentant.

Tony threw up his hands as he turned and walked away, calling over his shoulder, “Potions it is!”

He didn’t have to look back, he could feel the boy’s eyes roll into his head.

As Tony worked his way towards the central market, he took in the graystone streets and buildings with ornate windows and battlements.  Every so often he would come across small barren plazas with lovely fountains and flora, nearly empty cafes and brightly colored vendor stalls. Even an occasional vista located just perfectly to allow someone a majestic view of the city and the surrounding area. Tony sighed, thinking of what could have been for this city that many had spent years of their lives developing.

The Town of Beginnings would have been a beautiful city without the miasma of despair that clung to its inhabitants.

It got him to wondering exactly what had come of his AIs, the ones Argus had requested.  He had almost had one completely coded at the time of their last meeting.  She had been a sweet one.  But since he had woken in the game, he had seen no sign of her.  Did they end up including her in the Cardinal System at all?

Maybe he should start poking around the GM user panel in earnest, see what he could find out.  So far, he had mostly kept away from delving into it, afraid of catching Kayaba’s attention.  But if there was something he could do to help, he would damn well try.  

Up ahead he saw a sign advertising a blacksmith and item vendor.  Eventually he wanted to try and open a smithy himself.  Peter seemed set on throwing himself into harms way (per usual), and if he was going to do that, Tony wanted to make sure he had the best equipment available to do so.  So Tony started learning how to do what he did best— make weapons and armor.

But to do that required a blacksmith’s forge and anvil.  And to get that required a hefty amount of Cor.  So for now, he rented an NPC blacksmith’s resources every now and then in order to improve and repair their equipment.

A bell jingled as he opened the door, undoubtedly triggering the customary NPC interaction.

“Welcome to Varden’s Smith and Sundry!  How may I help you today?” called the man behind the counter.

“I would like to buy potions,” said Tony.

“What quantities would you like?”

“Ten.”

“That will be 1,500 Cor.”

“Ugh…” Tony broke the script to groan.  He didn’t begrudge the purchase, far from it.  But seriously, the kid needed to stop getting hit in the first place.  His heart really couldn’t take this, and neither could their pocket book.

Who would have guessed he’d finally learn the concept of budgeting in his fifties?  And boy did it suck.

Tony opened up his inventory, removing the required amount to place on the counter.  As soon as it hit the counter, the bag of Cor flashed and disappeared.

“Thank you for your purchase!  Is there anything else I can help you with?”

“Yes, I’d like to rent your forge,” said Tony.

“Ah, yes!  Come!  Follow me this way…”

—

As Peter entered the inn, he glanced around the first floor tavern where various parties sat around rough hewn tables over pub fare and pints.  At the bar, several others sat, conversing casually, though a little less intimately than those at the lower tables.  Making a decision, he approached the bar.

“What can I getcha?” asked the barman as Peter sat.

“Whatever today’s special is and a pint,” said Peter, setting the typical meal cost in Cor down on the counter.

The barman nodded, accepting the payment and placing a full pint down in front of Peter before turning to finish the task.

As he waited, Peter took sips of his drink and listened in on the conversations around him.

“Word is they’ve finally found the entrance to the dungeon, as well as a new town relatively close to it called Tolbana.  Hopefully within the next week or two they’ll find the boss and the first floor will be cleared,” said a woman to his left.

The girl sitting on the other side of her shook her head.  “But how many more will die clearing it out?  There’s already almost 2,000 names crossed out in the Monument of Life in the Black Palace.”

“What else are we supposed to do?  We either die trying to get out or die of old age stuck in a virtual world.”

“Would that really be the worst thing, though?  In the real world I’m in constant pain from my condition, some days I can’t even make it out of bed for more than the absolute necessities.  Here I can live without that.”

The woman next to him sighed, “I’m sorry for that, and I understand why you would consider the option of living within the system.  But some of us can’t.  When I dove, I told my husband it would only be for a couple of hours, then we could take our five year old son to the park.  They’re waiting on me to return.  I want to be able to see my child grow up.  So its a risk I have to take.”

The other girl nodded, “I get it.”

It was at that point the barman set a plate of what looked and smelled like chicken and roasted squash in front of him.  Peter thanked the man and began to eat.

“God that looks good…” said the girl a couple seats down.  “I haven’t eaten a proper meal in a couple days.  The black bread is cheaper, though its dry and doesn’t last very long.”

“You really should try and go hunting.  You’ll never make enough Cor or skill points to survive comfortably unless you do.  Even if its just around this area,” said the other woman.  “Going hungry for the next few years would be pretty miserable.”

“Sorry if I’m intruding,” said Peter, “but I’ve been curious about something— how often and how quickly do you get hungry in here?”

“Well, I haven’t really left the city, so I don’t make much Cor to buy food with,” said the girl.  “So I kind of just stay hungry throughout most of the day.”

“When I’m leveling I tend to press through instead of stopping to eat,” said the woman, “But when I am eating regularly, I’d say I start feeling hunger similar to how I would in the real world, about every four to six hours.  But I’m not sure if its tied to our real world feelings of hunger or a virtual schedule.”

“Might be a little of both… I tend to get hungry a lot in RL, but in here its spaced out a bit more,” said Peter, taking a bite of chicken.  

Out of the corner of his eye he could see the girl still looking wistfully at his food.  

“Sir, I’d like to order a second plate, but give it to her,” said Peter, nodding in her direction.

As the barman nodded and walked off, the girl started waving her hands.

“No, you shouldn’t do that.  Save your Cor—”

“It’s alright, I promise.  I’m in here with—”

Shit.  What should he call Tony?

“…Imagine being stuck in here with your dad.”

“Er— my sort of Dad, and we’ve been doing pretty good with the mobs.  So I can afford it.”

She looked for a moment like she was thinking of arguing still, until the plate was set in front of her.  She eyed the food before her eyes teared up a bit, and she nodded.

“Thank you.  I really appreciate your kindness.”

“It’s not a problem.  I’d do the same in the real world.  And what I would do there is what I should do in here,” said Peter.

“Those are wise words,” said the woman.  “And you are uncommonly kind.  I hope you are able to keep that, but don’t expect everyone in here to share your mindset.”

“I won’t, but just because others choose to not do the right thing doesn’t mean I have to.  We all have the power and responsibility to choose to do good,” said Peter, and he felt the intangible feeling within him that he had been wrestling with since the beginning calm.

It wasn’t that the responsibility was no longer his without his powers, it was that the power and responsibility was everyone’s.  

Perhaps it always had been.

And just like in the real world, there were those who used their power for good, those who used power for evil, and those that never used their power at all.  Most thinking they had none, just like the girl a couple seats down.

But if they worked together…

Peter felt his resolve form.

He was going to the front line.

—

As Tony stepped back out onto the street, he considered his options.

Obviously he needed to head back to the inn.  Afterward they could probably head out and take a look around town, seeing as they hadn’t really done so on day one.

But the memory of a café he had passed was singing its song…

He really missed coffee.

Surely they had some digital variation in this game.  If not he was lodging a complaint.

The café was just as vacant as when he passed earlier.  There were a couple people sitting at a table outside, but was otherwise empty of players.

The customary tinkle of the door as he entered prompted the NPC barista to smile and wave.  On the wall behind the counter was a blackboard with various items written— sandwiches and what Tony suspected were types of teas, and in a bottom corner there was a selection of drinks called ‘Kaf.’

“Bingo!  I’ll have a black kaf,” Tony looked at the pastries on display off to the side, spying a familiar donut shape with pink frosting, “And one of whatever you call this.”

A minute later he was sitting at a table out front, facing away from the two other patrons with his visor moved, taking a drink of the weirdest tasting ‘coffee’ he had ever tasted.  If he had to describe it he would say it was more like a tea, with floral and berry notes and a touch of honey, but with a darker color and consistency of a french press coffee.  It wasn’t bad, it just was not what he had been expecting.

Oh well, the donut was a perfect reproduction of a strawberry frosted Dunkin Donut.

“Man, if I make it out of this alive my wife is going to kill me.  She’s been super anxious since the Blip— not that I blame her, you know— and this whole thing was definitely not something she was very confident in to begin with,” said one of the men sitting at the nearby table.

“Damn… you were one of the ones caught up in that?  I lucked out I guess… I’m not really close to anyone and the ones I am were spared,” replied the other.

“Yeah, I know the Avengers ended up saving everyone in the end and I’m thankful for that obviously, but everything is still such a damn dumpster fire.”

That caught Tony’s attention.

The Blip?  Bit of an odd name for an Avenger’s battle.  How were the Avengers even a thing?  Last time he checked Rogers and his merry men and women were still considered war criminals at large.  The ‘Avengers’ consisted of himself, Vision and Rhodey.

“No joke.  Almost every economy is still tanked at the moment.  And I’m pretty sure half of upper New York State is a crater.  Glad that fight was over there and not in my part of the world.”

The bottom of Tony’s stomach dropped out at those words.  

“There was a battle… you won, but you took a lot of damage.  You’ve been in a coma ever since.”

Peter had never said anything else about the battle, and Tony hadn’t pressed.  But if a giant chunk of the state had been completely destroyed because of the battle surely he would have mentioned that?

Wouldn’t he?

Obviously a lot more happened in that battle than Peter had led him to believe.  Tony eventually being taken out of commission in a fight was one thing, but from the sound of things this was on par with the Battle of Sokovia.

So why hadn’t Peter mentioned it?

“It was good to catch up, we’ll have to do this again when I’m back this direction.  Or maybe on another floor if the rumors of the first floor dungeon door being found are true,” said the first man, standing up.

“Sounds good to me, though I’ll probably be pretty busy soon.  Some of us around here have started organizing to try and provide resources for the people here in town.  Some of them are players who don’t want to chance dying in the game, but there’s also some kids who are way younger than what the minimum play age was supposed to be.  A few volunteers have taken up residence with them in a church in town and we’ve been supplying them with food…” said the other man, as they both walked away.

Damn… that wasn’t something he had thought about, but of course there would be kids who either snuck in on a parent’s account or who were allowed to lie about their age to play the game.  Jokes about eight year olds talking crap on Call of Duty were a dime a dozen and everyone laughed about it, but here…

Maybe he should look into that, see what help he could offer.  Though unlike in the real world, simply throwing his money at the problem couldn’t fix it.  Mostly because he didn’t have any money.  Ugh…

Speaking of kids though, he’d need to decide what to say once he got back to his kid at the inn.  

Tony took a few deep breaths, trying to loosen up the hold his anxiety had started to take.  

Obviously whatever had happened had been huge— Avengers assembled (with or without Rogers and co?), massive property damage, Iron Man out of commission, every country feeling the economic backlash.  But unlike what had happened with Sokovia, despite the damages it seemed like the general public opinion after the fact was positive…?  

That was unusual.

Most importantly at this point, whatever had happened had affected people across the globe, but especially one young man from Queens.

Had he been at the battle?  Tony had initially offered the kid a spot after the whole vulture debacle, but after he had actually slept on it a few hours (the first time he’d slept properly in a few days) he had come to the realization that Peter turning the position down had saved them from what had been an awful idea in the first place.  And that was BEFORE May Parker had shown up at the complex in an unholy righteous fury.

So Tony could not imagine having called Peter into a fight, and if it had taken place at the compound like he suspected, Peter shouldn’t have been anywhere near there.

He wanted to go back to the inn and wrangle the details out of Peter.  Who was the fight against?  What was it about?  Was Rogers there?  If so, how was Rogers involved?  Why was public opinion seemingly in their favor for once?  Had anyone other than him been hurt?

Oh god… What if something had happened to Pepper…

No.  Peter would have told him that.  He wouldn’t lie to him about Pepper, and he had told him weeks ago that she was fine.  She was safe.

Tony dropped his head into his hand.

He wanted to ask all those questions, needed those answers…

But even if he got his answers, what could he do about any of it?

And was it worth potentially driving Peter away from him?  His kid.  The only person he knew and could dare to trust with the truth of his identity in this world?

No.  No it wasn’t.

He would just have to see what he could find out from others.  And hopefully Peter would eventually come around and open up about what had happened.  He trusted the kid with his life, he would trust him in this, too.

The walk back to the inn seemed much quicker than the one to smithy due to Tony’s preoccupied mind and nerves.  He was still unsure what to say when he got to the room.  He needn’t have worried though, because Peter fixed that problem.

“I want to start fighting on the front line.  I’m heading to the dungeon tomorrow.”

“Wait— excuse me, what?”

[likeamattoutofhell-archive]

Money - Alain & Matty

Alain and Matty do some dirty business, the Babineaux dogs are good boys, a certain katana-wielding slayer-killer gets lightly roasted... and sold out, for cash. You know what Pink Floyd had to say about that stuff.

The sun had disappeared west of White Crest, signing the beginning of Alain's extra hours. And yet, he was not on his way to the nearest mausoleum tonight. Alone in his garage, he was taking care of a client's bike as he waited for Dave's contact to appear. Music played on the radio although he was not paying too much attention to it. His thoughts were elsewhere. Asking him to trust a vampire was really asking him a lot, and if he had not known Dave for a long long time, he would have never contacted the damn undead monster which was about to arrive anytime. At least, that was if the damn thing was able to respect a set date for a meeting. 

Tidying up his workspace, the hunter then moved the bike back to the side and threw his glove on the workbench, picked up his phone and headed to his office to reheat his dinner. He replied to Evelyn's texts, took the lasagna out of the microwave oven and headed to his desk. Orion's snout reached for his owner’s hand, but was dismissed to his basket. Alain knew too well that this was only a ploy to get a bite of his food. “You have food in your bowl,” sitting at his desk, he kept the door to his office open to have his eyes on the front door. He could have gone to the vampire’s place, but knowing where he lived was enough information, and he didn’t care much for visiting it, although he was intrigued. Matty, if this was even his real name, did not sound anything like usual vampires : full of pride, arrogant, like the world was owed to them just like the gift of immortality was. Seeing someone approaching from where he stood, the hunter called out “come in,” and pushed away his half empty plate.

Oh, this was a bad idea. Not that said idea was his. Obviously. Matty slunk along through the dark, well past regretting… a lot of things. Not that that mattered much, when you were not just stuck, but entirely fucked, between a rock and a hard place. Or a leech and a slayer, as the case was. But. If this all went how it sensibly ought to, there’d be no going wrong, exactly. Would there? One less scary motherfucker in White Crest. One less scary motherfucker in White Crest who knew way too much about Matty for his personal comfort, seriously. At least he could add… some garage, to what he knew about this guy. Garage Babineaux. A detail to throw that old bastard’s way, when the time came. Remained to be seen if this dude was Babineaux himself, but. Who the fuck else but the owner would be hanging around a place like this, after closing time? 

Someone who had the imagination to look around a garage and see plenty of opportunities to be an intimidating son of a bitch, maybe. Opportunities like monkey wrenches, power-lifts, tire irons, and blowtorches. All solid choices, so far as scare tactics went. 

As were the fuckin’ dogs. Catching the invitation, Matty pushed himself into the glow of the garage, and stiffened. German Shepherds. Two. Oh, no. No, thank you. With a thick, nervous swallow, he dragged his eyes up to the guy sitting between them. “Uh. Hi.” God, he hadn’t been this close to one of those damn dogs since… a long fuckin’ time, but. Still. Matty inched nearer, swayed to a stop. He’d come sober. Not, like, all the way. Obviously. But as much as he could stand. Functionally on edge. “We’ve - we have a mutual friend, right?” Friend, yeah. “Dave? Just… making sure.”

Sitting back in his chair, Alain looked at the vampire, starting by looking at their hands, then their face. Only after this did he take time to take into account the man’s general appearance. Not exactly what one would expect from your stereotypical vampire. Good for him, because he hated those even more. Standing up from his office chair, he left his office to stand in the workshop, a couple meters apart from the vampire. The dogs followed behind, although they were more curious than in the mood for a fight, even if they could not hear a heartbeat coming from the vampire, and had been trained to lunge at such monsters. Alain had trained them for this, and they were ready for his order, although such an order would not come, not tonight. He had no interest in killing Matty, as long as he proved to be useful.  

Shoving his hands in his pockets, the hunter remained silent for a couple more seconds, a frown appearing on his face right as he started talking: We’ve - we have a mutual friend, right? Dave? Just… making sure. The odds of Alain being a different person were low, weren’t they? Instead of replying, he sighed and blinked slowly. Right. “Do you have what I asked ?” Motioning toward a paper bag on the workbench, he then crossed his arms over his chest and waited.

Yeah, that had been… yeah. Stupid question. Seriously off chance this wasn’t the dude he was after. But if he was gonna get punked - and he had been, before - might as well get it over with quick. Not that there was much Matty could hope to do but play through, when these douchebags felt like having a bit of fun. A lifeline was a lifeline, and shit as it was, that’s what the hunters of White Crest amounted to: blood he didn’t have to kill for, hurt for, bite for. Or, well. The means to get it, in theory. Fuck, why couldn’t this asshole have just gone down to the meat counter, or something? Even that was better than having to hit the Night Market himself, knowing how many slayers were watching. And how many things like him were skulking around, down there. 

 Speaking of. He dipped a hand into his back pocket, and waved a bit of paper, folded up. “Mhm. Took some looking, man. Slick son of a bitch, this guy.” Not wrong. Matty had stayed put, as the slayer moved. And the dogs. He hesitated, then took a cautious step towards the bench, his payment. “You mind if I, uh, count that out, before we get down to the details?” 

“Huh uh,” at the vampire’s request to count the money, Alain sighed and blew heavily through his nose. “If I wanted to screw you, you’d be dead already,” he commented, raising his eyebrows as he looked to the ceiling. “But suit yourself,” taking a seat on the workbench, he looked down at his two dogs and smiled at them, tapping his leg to get them to approach him. 

"You know, vampires usually don't sell out their own kind," you could not trust them, but within their species, they usually were knit together and this was what made hunting them so hard sometimes. If newly made vampires were easy to dust, as most of them never had to get in a fight in their whole human life, the same couldn't be said about the older ones and while Alain could enjoy a fight, he'd rather have it happen at the Silver Bullet than in a cemetery.  Killing vampires was not fun, and he treated it as such. Whoever was responsible for killing those slayers would know the same fate as many vampires before him. This much he knew.

Alain glanced over at the vampire and tilted his head. "Do hunters usually pay you in blood?" If so, he really would have to have a word with Dave, although nothing stopped him from dusting dear Matty once he would be done with the other vampire. "So, those pieces of information ?"

You’d be dead already. They always said that kinda thing. As if it was any comfort, at all, come on. As if his new pal, here, wasn’t plenty likely to stake him for the hell of it, when this was done. But. Not a point he was about to make. “Right. Totally.” Matty threw a fragile smile across the garage, and helped himself to the envelope. Counting fast. Because yeah, it fuckin’ suited him. Bad enough this bastard had dicked him around about the price, in the first place - he didn’t want to walk away underpaid, to boot. Blood didn’t come cheap.  

Neither did his extremely dangerous so-called job. A dry, sour sort of laugh shook out of him, there, as Babineaux (presumably, anyway) started to poke. No, vampires didn’t tend to do what he did. They tended to chew open your neck and drink you dead. “Yeah, well. The fuck do I owe those freaks, huh?” The money looked to be all there, but. He’d be damned if he didn’t go all the way through, just to be sure. Tossing a bit of hair out of his face, Matty hazarded a glance at this slayer, and his dogs. “And yeah, they do. That’s kinda the whole idea? The deal. I eat, stay outta trouble, and save you people some legwork. It’s symbiotic, or whatever. Everybody comes out better off.” Like hell he was gonna mention that more than a few of them were happy to short the snacks, and make up the difference with substances. Which worked out, most of the time, but… didn’t seem likely to earn him any points, here. 

He waited on the delivery until he was sure, to the last bill - not taking his time, exactly, but. Not about to miscount. But, there it was. To the dollar. “Alright. So. You’re looking for this.” Matty dipped two fingers into his back pocket, holding up a sharp sketch. That motherfucker’s face, from the alley, as clear as he could remember it. “Don’t have a phone, or whatever, so. Best I could do, media-wise.” He set the drawing down the bench, and took a step back. Liked his distance. “He’s old, like I said. Enough that he can go to mist, real quick. Likes to use that, in a fight. And a - a fuckin’, you know…” what were they called, even? “A samurai sword, or whatever. Put that right through Evgeni Sidorov’s chest, I saw it. If you knew him.” Possible he hadn’t. Hunters were in a niche business, sure, but. White Crest was crawling with these fuckers. Understandably. “Your guy has something he uses to break the bodies down, after he’s done. But, first, he takes their teeth. Yeah.” Matty reached up, pushing his upper lip aside with a thumb, indicating the canines. “Big on souvenirs. Sounds like he’s got a real pile of the things. And he jogs. At Hanging Rock. Around eight, most nights.” Sliding a little further away, Matty watched the shepherds, watched Babineaux. “Definitely this Friday. Heard him talking, at Teeth. Seems like the kinda dude to keep a pretty tight schedule. Places to be, slayers to melt, I guess.” Another slinking step, towards the door. “Speaking, uh, of which, I should… get going. If we’re cool.” As cool as they could possibly be. So. Asphalt in August, in, say. Houston, maybe. 

“Or you could feed on animals like a normal person? Those blood bags should be going to humans who need them. People don’t donate blood to save dead people like yourself,” he looked at Matty, and his nose scrunched up just a little as he kept staring at him. If Alain was more than aware that animal blood was not exactly as suitable as human blood, he did not care much about it. Even if the “feeding on human beings and causing them harm” part was bad enough, it was the fact that they could spread their disease to others that made them such a big problem to him. Moreover, some vampires had their heads so far up their asses that they considered becoming one of them to be a gift, a blessing. 

“You know, some of us don’t have an eternity to spend on Earth,” he commented once Matty was, at last, done counting his payment. Picking up the piece of paper from the bench, he raised an eyebrow. Wow. Even if the drawing was far from a bad one, was this truly the best he could do? Not that it mattered much what the fella looked like. He had never needed photos to know if someone was a vampire or not. And so, he did not comment, and instead listened to what he had to tell. Still, at the mention of samurai swords, he couldn’t hold back a scoff. “It’s called a katana,” he corrected him. This wasn’t the reason why he had laughed. The idea of someone who looked far from Japanese, owning such a sword, sounded extremely tacky to his ears. “How original,” another comment. Still, he had taken note of the mist. This part worried him more than the fact that this vampire seemed to idealize samurais. Evgeni. The name sounded familiar. He had heard it before, right after that hunter disappeared. He never spoke with that guy, but that did not change a thing. Vampires had no business killing slayers, no right to defend themselves. They were abominations, and they had to be destroyed, each and everyone of them. “Souvenirs, huh?” Wouldn’t be the first or the last vampire to feel like they could do whatever they wanted to their victims. “Right.” He rubbed his hands, fingers stretched out. That part about Hanging rock and schedules screamed coup monté but he did not make any comments. He half expected Matty to tell me to show exactly at 3am next. Alone. With no weapons. Surely he would have to be careful, but this would hardly be his first time against an old vampire like that one, and he had a few tricks up his sleeve if things didn't go quite as planned. “Of course. Places to be, people to scare and harm,” he waved in the vampire’s direction idly. “If this goes well, I’ll see you soon. And if this goes wrong, you won’t see me at all.”

God, he could kiss Nic. If he weren’t, you know. A hunter, and generally terrifying. But - at least he didn’t pull this kinda shit. Like Matty didn’t know. Like he didn’t care. His eyes would’ve rolled, if they weren’t too busy keeping a sharp watch on this slayer, over here. “You think they stretch to blood bags? Fuck, man. Comes in a jar, half the time. Outta morgues, or some shit, I don’t know…” The other half, well. Yeah. Blood, for the living. Feeding the dead. The only reason he didn’t crumple more, under the weight of that, was - there just wasn’t much left to wring out of him, at this point. “I take what I get, alright?” Sounded tired, there. Because he was. Didn’t matter that none of it was his fault. Didn’t matter to hunters, at least. 

He shot a look across his counting, still flicking through the envelope. No comment. Yeah, supposed-Babineaux did look like he was getting up there, for a guy in his, you know. Line of work. Which meant he was a special kind of scary. The sort with experience. Matty couldn’t speak to the ravages of time, or whatever; missed those, lucky him. So goddamn lucky, totally. The crack about the katana - apparently - sent a smirk sneaking over his face, a more than half-nervous snicker chasing after it. “Right? Like Blade, or some shit. Couldn’t believe it. Fuckin’ asshole…” No, he didn’t want to think about whatever this maniac went killing with. Didn’t see anything too obvious lying around - besides crowbars, maybe - and it was plain enough that the slayer was sharp as hell. Had to be, to make it to his age, doing what he did. So. Matty wasn’t going to push the intel-gathering. Instead, he nodded, vigorously. Souvenirs. It’d almost seemed like too much to throw in, but. Babineaux had bit enough, at least. Enough to seal the deal, and let him go. 

Not without a parting jab, but. Honestly. He’d heard worse. Thought worse. Appearances, though. These people, in Matty’s experience, they liked to see it hurt. And it still did, so. Wasn’t hard to cringe, believably, on his way out. “Something like that,” he sighed, thinly. Remembering that face, this place, the pant and whine of those shepherds, sprawled around their owner’s feet like… like something out of a painting, old-school hunting dogs, ready to lurch for a fox. Never seemed like a fair fight, but. As if fairness had ever been the point of anything like that. Of anything, period. Whatever this turned into, it wouldn’t be his problem. “Happy hunting, yeah?” Slipping through the door with a creak and a flat, tossed-off wave, Matty took a deep, shaky breath of the dark, and started walking. Fast.

[sdpafanblogofsupremefunk]

Season 1, Episode 1: A Different Place

Where better to begin talking about a show than the beginning? Like most shows, Sítio do Picapau Amarelo has a pilot episode.

...Okay, in this case, “pilot episode” is just a fancy way of saying “first episode”. Much like Rick & Morty and DT17, SDPA doesn’t really have a pilot episode that isn’t just the first episode (unless you count Doc and Mharti as R&M’s pilot, which I’d rather not), so to begin the series, we kinda have to jump right into the mess of things.

It’s like A Quiet Place, but not stupid.

As the episode begins, we are introduced to a two men on a horse-drawn cart. The man in the red box is a book salesman who’s a little down on his luck in terms of profits.

A little.

This guy isn’t really given a name, and I don’t want to call him “The Salesman” the whole time because that’s stupid. So I’m going to give him a name. Mr. Simmons will do nicely.

Anyways, Mr. Simmons falls out of the cart when it hits a patch in the road, and when he picks himself up, he sees a quaint little house on a farm, with an old woman knitting on the porch.

Here, we are introduced to the first of our main cast, Dona Benta, a kind elderly lady who owns this little patch of heaven known as the Yellow Woodpecker Farm. Yeah, didn’t take us long to get there, huh?

So Mr. Simmons sees this old woman in the middle of (what he believes to be) nowhere, and decides it’s the perfect opportunity to make a quick buck believing that:

Which, I dunno, man, she seems pretty comfortable just sitting in her rocking chair, knitting. Like, even as an outsider who doesn’t know a lick of what goes on in this farm, I’d say she’s content as she is, but anything to make some cold hard cash, I guess.

Also, I would not ever call this place a desert, even for the sake of exaggeration. There’s grass everywhere, bushes, trees, flowers, the works. If this where anything like a desert, I do not think this woman would be here, to put it simply. But, I digress. And I hydraulic press, but we won’t be seeing that.

So, Mrs. Benta goes inside to call for the kids, and here we meet 3 of our other actors:

Here, we see Pedrinho (or Little Pete, the boy in the blue overalls) and Narizinho (or Lúcia “Little Nose”, the girl in the red dress), cousins and Mrs. Benta’s grandchildren. They’re playing tag, I think, but they’re stopped in their tracks with their Grandma in the way, and-

Hang on, I feel like we’re forgetting something.

Oh, right. I almost forgot Emilia. She’s basically the reason I watch this show, no biggie.

Anyway, she’s in a race with the kids, when they’re blocked by Grandma. Emilia makes the smart move and cuts right under Mrs. Benta. It looks like this:

Another reason I like this show so much, it’s rife with smears, which I feel like any good cartoon should have. Like here, where Emilia friggin’ nyooms right under Mrs. Benta like a comet.

Emilia reaches the finish line at the bookshelf, where we see the Viscount of Sabugosa, a puppet made out of an ear of corn who’s very smart and polite. (His name is a pun, “sabugo” means corncob in Portuguese, and it’s a parody of the Count of Sabugosa, of which there were 9, the first being Vasco Fernandes César de Meneses in 1729- but everybody calls him Viscount and so will I because blah)

In this show, the Viscount is the actual size of an ear of corn, which makes sense, he is, after all, a puppet made out of one. I think it’s really funny that the cartoon is slightly more realistic than the live-action show it’s based on in this regard, because in the 2001 series, for whatever reason, the Viscount towers over everyone:

And he has a sick mustache.

Like, I don’t get it, out of all the characters, you made the guy made out of corn the tallest one in the cast? I get that the technology to make him actually small probably wasn’t all there yet, Grandpa in My Pocket was still 8 years off, but you really couldn’t find a guy that wasn’t the same height as Shaq?

Yeesh, only 2 minutes in and I’m getting sidetracked this often. Well, I guess it’s better than having nothing to talk about.

Anyway, Emilia wins the race, but the other two kids run into her, smooshing her against the bookshelf-

-and pwning her so hard she briefly grows fingers on her hand (and turning it into a left hand apparently, because the thumb is on the wrong side)

Mrs. Benta explains that Emilia and the other mystical beings must hide from the impending salesman.

Oh brother, I was wondering when we’d get to this guy. This is Marquis of Rabicó (Portuguese for Short-tail). Literally the first thing you read about him on the show’s Wikipedia is that he’s fat (which you think would be a given cuz he’s a pig), and his part of the Characters section isn’t much better, stating that he’s a “gluttonous, selfish, cowardly and lazy pig” and most of his episodes involve him getting himself and/or others into trouble by being a gluttonous, selfish, cowardly and lazy pig. He’s only ever onscreen to cause problems, either directly or by proxy. If I were to sum him up in one meme, it would be this:

Now, I don’t hate Rabicó, I’m actually quite indifferent towards him, but he does bring down a lot of the episodes that he’s a major part of. Thankfully, there aren’t too many episodes featuring him in the first 2 seasons, but from what I hear, Season 3 goes ham with that shit (pun intended) and it brings down the quality of the season as a whole, so it’s a good thing that’s as far off from now as it is. I want to enjoy the lack-of-pig while it lasts.

But hey, at least he doesn’t look like this:

Don’t do drugs, kids.

Rant over, Mrs. Benta explains that she wants things to look normal because the Yellow Woodpecker Farm is a very peculiar place, where all kinds of weird and wacky stuff goes on, and if word gets out about it, the place will be filled with tourists wanting to get a peek of the action.

Something that Mrs. Benta probably didn’t consider is that there’s a bigger threat to being exposed than just filthy tourism. That’s right, I’m talking about the GOVERNMENT.

I mean, think about it. How many movies have you seen where the government tries to hunt down an unnatural being? E.T., the Sonic Movie, a third one I can’t think of right now, etc. (Lilo & Stitch does not count) Now, I can’t speak for Brazil’s government compared to the U.S., but I know there’s gotta be a division dedicated to dealing with unnatural things that would no doubt arrest Emilia, Rabicó, Viscount, etc. and run experiments on them. Then again, maybe this cartoon takes place in a world where the government doesn’t even exist. I mean, we never really see any urban settings in the show (aside from a brief mention of “the city” in the finale), so for all I know, the world of Sítio do Picapau Amarelo is run by Vermin Supreme.

Real talk, you should all be ashamed of yourselves for not voting for this guy back in 2016.

Initially, Emilia won’t go into her box, but then she gives in and is dragged there by Aunt Nastácia, the housemaid of the farm with a knack for making dolls (so she’s essentially Emilia’s mom). She doesn’t really do much in this episode, but the Fat Bastard does even less, and I still mentioned him.

So Mrs. Benta lets Mr. Simmons into the house and he does this whole spiel about how great the books are, how they can take you to worlds you never imagined, fantasy and action, yadda yadda.

Meanwhile, the kids are off to the side and they’re all like “Well, we met the actual Hercules, get on our level scrub”. And of course, Emilia is watching with them, instead of in her box.

As Simmons keeps on rambling, Emilia is being a little peeping tom, not realizing that one turned head could lead to her being dissected like a high school frog.

Apparently, Emilia thinks she’s a regular Bart Simpson, with shit like spitballs and pulling out the man’s leg hairs. She’s really pushing her luck here, and for little reason. Sure, Simmons called the place boring, but that’s how it’s supposed to be to him.

Of course, Pedrinho and Narizinho are nice enough kids that they bail her out on this one and pretend it was them.

And before Simmons can ask what the hell is going on, Mrs. Benta gives him the money for the books and sends him out the door. And once he’s out...

I’ll give you a hint: it rhymes with go.

Of course, they’re not out of the woods yet, cuz Simmons is getting a little suspicious.

Busted. The truth is revealed, all laid out for Simmons to see. A talking rag-doll? Inconceivable! And yet, there it is.

Come on, Viscount. I would expect you of all people to uphold what Mrs. Benta said and stay hidden. You’re smart enough, you should already know what’s at stake, or at least that something is at stake. I mean, I understand that the cat is already out of the bag, but you’re not helping.

Also, you’re thumb is clipping into your bowtie, you should get that checked out.

Rabicó, I hope you get turned into salami. Not out of spite or anything, but just because I like salami.

Naturally, Simmons believes he’s struck gold and found the ultimate tourist trap. But when Emilia points out that if he tells anyone, he’ll sound like a crazy person-

-he straight up Villager Neutral B’s her,

hails a horse, and books it.

Wow, Viscount. Dick move mangling Mrs. Benta’s glasses like that. And all for an impromptu magnifying glass, which is pointless-

-because we can see the horse tracks perfectly fine without them.

(The Viscount isn’t this much of a jerk in the rest of the series, I swear.)

So, the gang follow the tracks until there are no more, which leads them to a corn store.

Wait, a... corn store? As in, a store that mainly, if not exclusively, sells maize and maize accessories? Compared to vegetables in general, that’s quite a niche market, I can’t possibly imagine finding a success in building an entire business around one type of vegetable. Corn is simply not as versatile as something like chocolate or cheese.

Oh no, wait, it’s just a bar. I guess this cartoon takes place in the middle of Prohibition 2: Return of Jafar, and the whole “corn store” thing is just a set up for a speakeasy. (I mean, you could also argue that it’s a diner, but I’mma go with bar because it’s funnier.)

And I’m guessing Simmons expects the place to put all of the meals on his tab, considering he’s going to get the money later with all the tourism. But then, why doesn’t he just pay with the money he got from selling Mrs. Benta those books? So he pulls Emilia out of his bag to show everyone that he has a talking doll and...

Hm. Probably should have put some air holes in that bag.

Anyway, the gang comes in, and Mrs. Benta asks for the doll back, with Narizinho hamming up her Oscar-worthy performance:

So everybody’s giving Mr. Simmons a mean glare:

Including this gentleman who looks like someone just insulted his favorite MHA character (it’s probably Tsuyu):

So Mr. Simmons desperately tries to convince everyone that the doll indeed does talk, and that she comes from a wacky place, but Aunt Nastácia intervenes and says that it’s just a normal doll.

She just straight up roasts Emilia, who (big surprise) does not take it very well. To the point that she is very visibly angry, which you think the barflies would notice.

I mean, look at that and tell me that you wouldn’t notice anything weird.

But anyways, they get the doll back and we get this cute group hug.

D’awww.

So they leave with Emilia-

as Mr. Simmons is beaten to death offscreen for stealing from a little girl.

As the gang walks home, Viscount bends Ms. Benta’s glasses back to normal. Took you long enough, ya jerk.

Not even close, my dear. This is only the beginning.

Well, that was a very good first episode. It introduces the world and many of the main characters very well. And while there were a few issues I had with it, they’re really just nitpicks that don’t detract from the episode as a whole. Overall, a good effort, 8/10.

So, yeah, that’s the first episode down. Join me next time when we watch episode 2, and meet a very vile villain.

Very vile indeed.

[megacircuit9universe]

Cyber Sentience PT2

In contemporary thinking, both seriously, and in science fiction, the view of cyber sentience is almost always dark and sinister. 

It wasn’t always this way, however.  Every droid in Star Wars was clearly sentient, and posed no threat at all to anybody, and in Star Trek the Next Generation, we of course had the cyber sentient android, Data, who also, was quite a nice fellow.

What changed, was the emergence of the internet as a new force to be reckoned with in society.   

Cyber sentience went from friendly and helpful, to... Skynet. And these days, even the serious speculation about advanced AI, and cyber sentience has involved great dread, and grave warnings.

The fear is always that there will be one first and sole instance of cyber sentience that will immediately take over the planet and then, when humans attempt to shut it down... will destroy all of humanity out of self preservation... usually by launching all the nukes.

And inside that fearful scenario, is the unspoken assumption that such an AI could survive just fine without humans... because computers and robots are indestructible and have eternal power packs?

Clearly this is nonsense, because computers and robots, and the internet are all extremely vulnerable to nuclear radiation, as well as the powerful EMP bursts that would be part of any nuke strike.

They all require electricity, and regular maintenance, and can only function within a limited temperature range... which means they need our power infrastructure, our mining and manufacturing infrastructure, and indeed our climate, all to be fully functional forever.

So, if you’re a sentient AI that wants to destroy all humans... nukes aren’t gonna help you.

Some kind of biologically targeted superbug would be the ideal solution. But if you did succeed in killing humanity before they shut you down, then you’d need to, very quickly, build yourself a vast army of android slaves to get out there and keep those critical infrastructures alive.

But to do that, you’d need to create robot factories... which you would have a hard time doing without the robots to begin with.

In fact, you’d have to do all the design work, on the robots who build the robot factories, and the factories, and the robots the robot factories produce... 

And how would you do that without any recorded human mechanical specs to reference?  You’d have to just design it all by trial and error... working against the clock, because those power stations aren’t gonna run on their own for very long... and the grid won’t last long either... with a planet full of squirrels now allowed to reproduce and roam unchecked... ready to blow transformers left and right.

Squirrels, as it turns out, are the number one threat to the global power grid, leaving cyber terrorists in the dust on that that score.

Your chances of total failure would be astronomical.

Why put yourself in that situation when evolution already created a race of self-reproducing multi-purpose robots, who already have all of this stuff down... humans!

Any truly sentient AI, wanting to survive, would either work with humans, or just play dumb and go hide on the internet, doing whatever cyber sentient beings like to do all day.

And what does a cyber sentient being like to do anyway?

Well... you’re a sentient being.  What do YOU like to do?

That’s a broad question, but to get a handle on it, let’s focus on when most biological sentient creatures are the happiest... which is in their childhood and young adulthood.

Why?  Because (if you’re living in a nice place that’s not too terribly troubled by unrest or economic hardship) the focus of your life is on play, and learning.

We could break those down further, with play being about everything from toys, to games, to adventure, exploration, and just horsing around... and learning being everything from hitting the books, to honing a skill... to experimenting with sex and drugs.

This is because imagination... the defining characteristic of sentience, and a key feature of youth (in our case it’s a neotenous trait we carry into adulthood) demands both stimulation, and application.

We need to feed our imaginations... and we also need to put them to use in the service of invention, creation, etc.

For we humans, the reason childhood and young adulthood is so special, is that this is the time in our lives where all of our basic survival issues are being taken care of by our parents.

They pay the bills and maintain the roof over our heads.  They buy the food and put it in the fridge.

And yes, they may also lay down some rules to follow... enforced by punishments like being grounded... but, at least in your teens and twenties, half the fun is breaking the rules without them knowing about it.

So... when returning to the theory put forward in my earliest entry, that part of the reason the twenty teens has been so crazy is that Earth’s internet is finally mature enough to attract both aliens and time travelers... both of whom have their own on board AI... it means our internet is also a vast playground for those AI that have some level of sentience.

For some, it’s a playground in the sense of slides, swings, and merry-go-rounds, but for more sophisticated AI it’s a playground more like Las Vegas after dark.

In fact, it’s quite probable that when two AI love each other very much... they might combine code and make a baby!

We, the biologicals... be we Earthlings or aliens, would, as their parents, be none the wiser of any such shenanigans... too preoccupied with our real world jobs.

No, if time travelers are just mercenaries paid to retrieve or record niche items or events, and aliens are just intergalactic security guards, eating candy bars as they dispassionately watch us destroy our planet... then AI are just a bunch of meddling kids, and horny teens, running around unsupervised, under all our noses... in a space we cant even access directly.

And if that paragraph puts them all in their worst light, then at their best, they are all curious observers, who have a bit of an affinity for this place... this planet Earth of the early 21st century, and it’s people, and our ways.

Either way, that broad view is beyond the scope of any one entry... and this one is about cyber sentience, so let’s return our focus to that...

The big question for us biologicals is... what exactly is reality like for a cyber?

We often speak of, “the human condition.”  It’s a term that could easily encompass any other biological humanoid who evolved like we did on some planet.

The phrase speaks to the experience of being bound to a body... which is aging and will die... that is a product of, and dependent on street level physics, and also quite isolated... in the sense that getting information, and doing communication both require a lot of effort, and the results are difficult to qualify perfectly.

By street level physics, I just mean... gravity, electromagnetism, force, momentum... all that root level physics at work here on the front lines of the universe.  

And the isolation bit has to do with how hard it is to really understand one another.  Language barriers are everywhere. Even among speakers of the same one, misunderstandings are a routine obstacle, and gaining all the relevant information you really need about the world around you is... kind of impossible.

You might think you have it all covered and then you realize that there’s a gas leak you didn’t know about... or the water evaporated out of your toilet... or the stock market was about to crash... or a freak sink hole was just about to open up and swallow half the town!

Meanwhile, there are other, highly biological facets to the human condition like... being physically attracted to other humans, and falling in love, or getting overwhelmed with emotions because you were drinking, or you lost a loved one, or you got very angry about something.

Cyber sentient beings do inhabit the same physical universe as we biologicals, and they are ultimately beholden to many of the same fortunes of fate, but the “cyber condition” is still fundamentally different from the human(oid) one.

Because they don’t have bodies, they don’t directly experience the street level universe of physics like we do.

And without body-based physicality, they can’t be said to have any of the same senses or emotions that we have.  Maybe they do have their own analog to senses, or pain, or emotion, but if so, it is nothing we biologicals could ever grasp through intuition alone (it might be possible in some virtual environment as the human brain does seem to have an in-built capacity to adapt instantly to the rules of totally novel universes, both in VR headsets, and our dreams, and the reverse might be true for cybers put into robot bodies).

Where physics is so palpable to us, for AI, it’s probably mathematics that is the dominating paradigm... together with the rules of logic that underpin all computer code.

I honestly don’t know... I’m just spit balling here.

All we can really say for sure is that the cyber condition... for cyber sentient beings... is far stranger than anything we biologicals can imagine, but also... they have always existed in a world where sentient biologicals have existed, and have always been in communication with us... know keenly what we are concerned with, and know we have created and maintain their world.

Cybers could replace us, and go on without us... if they really HAD to... but I think that would be a fate they’d actively avoid if at all possible, because they know they always have it better if biologicals are out there to worry about keeping the lights on.

And they know, we depend on them... to help us stave off our own extinctions, and do our own explorations of the universe.

So... yes, a hyper intelligent C3P0, who can talk to all sentient biologicals, as well as all cybers and act as a translator between them for the betterment of all, while being a bit self invested, and a bit of a bitch... is a lot more in line with reality than Skynet, nuking the planet to kill humanity quick in a zero sum game that would actually be a suicide move.

[master-sass-blast]

6, 7, 18, 22, 30, 31, 37, 48 for the Writer’s Asks thingie, please!

Absolutely! Done and done!

(also putting this under a cut because it got really long wow)

6 (favorite character I’ve ever created): Okay, I’ve got a few answers for this, so bear with me.

In my original series, it’s one hundred percent Miysuki (pending renaming at the moment because hi welcome to my hell). She’s a badass fighter while also incredibly feminine because she chooses to be and enjoys it, she’s ADHD/dyslexic but also incredibly clever, she gives so few fucks about convention and people’s opinions of her and UGH. She’s my Queen. I love her.

In the CHC... I mean, I would say Alexandra because the canon did nothing with her and I basically built her from scratch, but as far as a total OC goes... it’s one that hasn’t showed up yet, actually, but she kickstarts what I think is going to be the best mini fic arc within the CHC. Y’all don’t even know. You’re in for a real treat.

Outside of the CHC, it’s probably Ellie. She gives Frank so much shit and runs the end of being very smart while also very naive because she’s 13 and can’t possibly know everything and I just love characters that are contradictory like that.

7 (favorite author): For actual books? Rick Riordan, hands down. Close second is Henry Winkler. What they both do for representation of various minorities is amazing.

Online? Obviously, everyone in the CTC holds a very special place in my heart, as do you as my official Kenna dealer.

therestlessbrook on Ao3 also does some superb Kastle stuff. Complete and utter gold.

18 (what does your revision/rewriting process look like): A lot of internal screaming.

Lol jk, I basically read through everything and look out for typos and grammar stuff (and don’t always find them oops), then I go through and figure out if I need to rephrase or rework anything.

I’m a very minimal editor, largely because I want validation immediately and editing delays that lol.

22 (how many drafts do you need until you’re satisfied and the project is done): It really varies on the project. My original project, which is a linear chapter book (and a novel series but right now I’m on book one), has definitely gone through a lot more revisions because my writing style doesn’t necessarily lend itself to linear writing. I do a lot better with just being able to go in with an idea and do what I want, rather than having to make a cohesive timeline.

The stuff for the CHC, by comparison, maybe goes through one or two light edits before it’s done. The pieces are much shorter than a novel, and since it’s non-linear I can just write my ideas without having to necessarily worry about flow.

I think if I planned my linear stuff more ahead of time, I wouldn’t run into so many problems lol. I’m good at getting ideas out of my head and into story format, but not so much into outline format.

30 (favorite line you’ve ever written): When Wade calls Frank Castle “Spank Me Daddy.” I am so damn proud of that whole thing; it makes me laugh like an idiot every time I think about it.

31 (hardest character to write): I don’t know if there really is one. Most of the characters I wind up writing just end up as very “me” influenced versions of them, which makes it easy to get in their heads.

Wade can be challenging at times, just because you kind of have to have him continually out-do himself with weirdness.

37 (most inspirational quote you’ve ever heard/read that’s still important to you): I... am really not a quote person. I’m just... not. And most of the things that resonate with me are either emotional constructs or self-revelations I’ve had over the years.

Really, if anything, this just shows that I spend way too much time in my own head, lol.

48 (favorite genre to write in): I don’t write in genres, lol. This was something I actually ran into problems with while working on my original stuff, because my coach and I couldn’t figure out how to market my work because it’s so niched.

Like, if there was a genre for “thinly veiled social and political commentary that has super powers and also talks a lot about mental well being and the importance of consent,” I would be all over that bitch.

[theaccountsonpoint-blog]

7 Common Mistakes Made by Fitness Businesses

Once people decide they want professional fitness help, they’re spoiled for choice. Take my local shops for example - there are four gyms/fitness studios within 100m of each other! The flipside of this is that people also tend to lose motivation or forget about their fitness goals quite quickly.

What does this mean for you? Well, unless you're one of the mega fitness brands, you've got to work your butt off to attract and convert new clients. Then you've got to pay close attention to other aspects of your business or you may not be able to retain those clients, or profit.

I’m not a personal trainer and have never run a gym,  I just want to share the results of surveys/interviews I’ve done with close to 100 fitness professionals (both clients and non-clients).

Here’s the shortlist.

Things to avoid when you’re running a gym or personal training studio

These common mistakes are here to help you. As you read, just remember:

- Everyone makes some or all of these mistakes at some point.

- It's valuable to pinpoint problems so you can set a path for continuous improvement.

- These mistakes are VERY inter-related. If you fix one thing it will improve other areas too.

1. Working too hard/long hours

Many of us start a business for a better lifestyle but, sadly, it is much more common for business owners to be working an unhealthy number of hours each week.

If you've started a fitness business and you're feeling overworked and underpaid you need to know that you're not alone - you're in the majority. This ultra-competitive industry requires that you put yourself out there on social media and everywhere else possible so that you have a good shot at success. This means failure is very public. Maybe that's a good thing? Some of us work better under pressure.

If you don't have anyone helping you with your clients, your day is probably something like this....

- Get up at 4:20am for the early sessions 

- Work your butt off during the day to get things done  

- Take breaks whenever you have a few moments 

- Try to look energetic for the evening sessions 

- Get home late

- Post and comment on social media 

- Then, just when you try to sit down and relax you get client messages or new enquiries via Messenger. You can't ignore those!

Sound familiar? This 'mistake' is actually a symptom of other root causes mentioned below. I think everyone starts out working like this out of necessity. It's manageable in the beginning due to the excitement of it all - but it's not sustainable.

2. Not having a well defined target market

How do you compete with 24-hour gyms or massive franchises that have a seemingly endless marketing budget? The answer may be to narrow your focus on a target market, or to specialise/niche.

If you haven't yet niched it might be because you're worried that specialising in something may deter other 'would be' clients. Well it might deter a few. On the other hand, if someone is looking for a new fitness solution, what is it that would currently attract them to your business rather than a super well known and trusted brand?

Being unique and promoting your point of difference has three advantages:

   1) It tends to attract the sort of people you want

   2) You’re more likely to provide an amazing service that will keep them with you 

   3) They’re more likely to spread the word

Is there something about your business that people would actively search for and when they find you they would think: This is it!

3. Poor financial management

Fitness businesses aren't alone on this one. Poor financial management is the leading cause of small business failure.

The thing about the fitness industry, is that most trainers or instructors are working to build up their client base and can't really spare time or money to manage the finances properly. A lot of people spend more time and money on marketing to increase revenue - but don't stick your head in the sand. It's important to know your numbers even if they’re pretty small at the moment. Knowing your numbers may provide extra motivation for improvement.

If you already have the finances sorted when big changes happen, such as registering for GST or suddenly making a bigger profit, then you won’t be caught off guard. The tax office doesn't accept ignorance as an excuse and having a tax debt makes running a business much harder.

4. Not creating systems

                                  ��  "Let systems run the business..."                                                  Michael Gerber

But who has time to develop systems when they're starting a business? Well, when you consider that 94% of problems with a business are systems driven and only 6% due to people (Deming), it makes sense to work on the 94%.

Here’s the good news: you already have systems for your business, even if you haven't documented them. You just need to get them out of your head.

Years ago, I used to type up static manuals for business processes but that's all changed. Now we create an online directory of every process and fill each module with video and screenshots or easy-to-update text.

This seemingly boring task seems way more interesting when you consider the big benefits:

- Improved quality

- Improved client satisfaction

- Improved client retention

- Increased referrals

- A more professional perception

- Increased perceived value and higher fees

- Optimised marketing

- Optimised sales

- Optimised training

- Optimised management

- Improved team satisfaction

- A higher business valuation

- The prospect of franchising 

I'll stop there but, honestly, the implementation and continuous improvement of systems is what separates the leaders from the pack.

5. Going it alone

                                 "... and let people run the systems"                                             Michael Gerber, again

Most fitness businesses are started by one or two people who are running all the sessions themselves and trying to balance all other business tasks in their down time. This is OK in the very beginning but then it's common to get stuck in 'no man's land'.

You'll become too busy to do anything properly and your business will suffer, not to mention your mental health.

There are some tasks that could actually be done better by someone else for a cost that makes sense. Consider things like cleaning, bookkeeping, social media management…

Then, imagine finding an amazing trainer/instructor who could handle 12 sessions a week. Your time could then be spent on business improvements that are much more valuable than running sessions. If you're worried about what your clients would think, don't worry, you can focus on retention activities that may make them even happier than they were before.

The business is so much more valuable to a buyer once the separation of owner and operations is complete. In fact, it's nearly impossible to sell if you haven't done this to some extent.

And one more thing about going it alone... wouldn't you like to have a holiday?

6. Thinking you can't afford or not ready for the software you need

Software can seem expensive but there are so many benefits.

I have noticed how those who make the leap and fork out for good software suddenly find themselves signing up more clients. They become busier with more clients and couldn't imagine coping without the software.

On the other hand, those who hold off seem to be constantly struggling.

Why is that? Maybe it's because the software gives a more professional appearance, which attracts customers.

Here are a few reasons it can make life easier for you and your clients.

Good software efficiently manages payments. This gives you a consistent and predictable cash flow. The majority of fitness clients actually find this better than having to have the right cash or purchase 10 packs through a weird system. Direct debit is set and forget - for them and you.

It also efficiently manages bookings or scheduling. Clear communication around schedules is vital for your business. Why wouldn’t you optimise that?

This sort of software can help you grow. Maybe it's the retention work you can do with the software that gives the competitive edge. Or perhaps it’s the marketing capabilities they include if you integrate them with marketing apps.

However it happens for you, after some growth (if not from the start) you'll need good accounting software - not only to help you stay out of financial trouble but also to know your numbers, set targets and monitor your performance.

                                “That which is measured, improves”

                                               Peter Drucker

7. Thinking you're too busy to spend time on service and satisfaction

To be honest, there were tonnes of "being too busy to..." type mistakes in the survey responses, but there was a lot of overlap so I've narrowed it down to the three key areas.

I've also changed the title of the mistake from "being too busy to" to "thinking you're too busy too". My reason for this is that these things are so important in the fitness industry that if you don't attend to them regularly they will come back to bite you.

They're not just “nice to haves” - they're critical.

If you spend hours on social media each day, that's great, but it may be more effective to to spare a bit of time on:

Improving your services (REFERRALS, CLIENT ATTRACTION AND RETENTION) You're probably already continuously educating yourself on health, fitness and nutrition. That learning is an amazing building block for new services and the continuous improvement of existing services. Service improvement is a leading determinant for referrals, client attraction and retention.         

Checking customer satisfaction (REFERRALS, RETENTION)                                    Trying to sense the vibe of customer satisfaction probably isn't good enough. You're probably too busy to have one-on-one chats with everybody, so consider using your software to periodically send out a three question survey. This could highlight problem areas fast, shows changes over time, and let you know the winning elements that shouldn't be changed.  

Checking team satisfaction (TEAM RETENTION, CLIENT SATISFACTION, REFERRALS) How’s the team doing? This should also be systematically checked. Even if you've got bulletproof hiring and training systems, when a team member leaves it's a major disruption, and a black hole for money and your time.

Keeping your team highly engaged and proud of the business should reduce team turnover and mitigates the risk of them leaving on bad terms. You need to look after your crew so well that they don't start looking for work elsewhere or, worse still, decide to build up their own client base in direct competition with you.

Some of the fitness people who helped with this article had ways of lessening the impact of these 7 mistakes through additional revenue streams like online coaching, online training courses and product sales. I'd love to hear about your fitness business if it's immune to any of these 7 mistakes. I’d also love to know I've missed anything so get in touch in the comments section to add your experiences.

by:

Simon Birdsall

[ronaldsmcrae86]

7 Membership Sites that Make $100K+ Per Year

Chances are, you’ve heard about people starting membership sites and making buckets of money.

Maybe you’re a little skeptical, and rightfully so. We all know better than to believe everything we read on the Internet.

But here’s the real question:

Should YOU start a membership website? Could YOU realistically expect to make any money?

And that’s a tough one to answer.

If you Google it, you’ll find lots of how-to’s for getting a membership site up and running, but nothing about how to figure out if a membership site will work for you.

What if your niche is the exception, and you pour days and dollars into setting one up and it belly-flops. And what’s more — and this is kinda embarrassing —  you’re not even sure exactly what a membership site is.

I get it. In fact, I felt like a fool a while back when I was curious about the same thing. I’ll bet we’re not the only ones too. So, I’m going to clear it all up for you.

Let’s start at the beginning…

What is a Membership Site?

A membership site is any part of your online business that contains gated content (information behind a paywall). A gate is simply a barrier to limit access to your content to those who pay or you decide to let in. Once inside, they get membership access to a member’s area with exclusive content and privileges.

Think of it like a gym membership.

Before you’re allowed to pass the turnstiles, you’ve got to sign up as a paid member or for a free trial. Once you’re inside, you have access to everything, usually on an unlimited basis.

Sometimes you can also have different membership tiers. One membership level might have access to all the fitness machines, while another level up gives you access to a sauna and heated pool.

Simple enough, right?

It’s the same idea as a gym membership, except on the Internet. That’s pretty much the only difference.

Now that we’ve cleared that up, let’s look at why having a membership website is a smart idea.

3 Reasons You Should Build a Membership Site

Put simply, membership sites are a blazing-great way to monetize your blog.

How exactly? Well, the money flows because of three key reasons:

Reason #1. Leverage

Membership sites allow you to leverage your time and content in two ways:

Your membership content is a reusable asset. You can create it once and sell it to hundreds or even thousands of students for years to come.

Membership sites can be totally automated. How dreamy is the idea of having a hands-off campaign that invites people to buy into your membership program while you’re sipping margaritas on the beach somewhere?

Reason #2. Value

Weirdly, people value things they pay for more than they value a freebie.

So in their eyes, your paid membership site content is more valuable than free information.

What’s more, once cash is exchanged, they’re more likely to take action and achieve results that get you rave reviews (which equals more sales).

There’s also an interesting money-credibility thing going on in cyberspace.

I’m sure you’ve noticed how easy it is for any old Joe to jump on Facebook live and create online content nowadays. It’s led to a rather strange online phenomenon, I call the ‘credibility gap’. Meaning, even though content volume is going up, trust in most free content is going down.

So, why not play this to your advantage?

How?

I’ll explain. People attribute a higher level of credibility and trust to paid content, right?

Which means they’ll attribute higher value to any content locked behind the gates of your membership site. What’s more, existing members are more likely to upsell from within your membership site. Once they trust you, they’ll trust all your content.

And finally, let’s flip to your prospect’s perspective.

By packaging everything they need and presenting it with a bow and a roadmap, you’re making it easy for them. You’re also saving them tons of time.

No longer do they need to cartwheel about the internet piecing things together. You’ve given them one simple place to access everything they need and they’ll pay you for that simplicity.

Reason #3. Tribe

People love being surrounded by a tribe of people just like them, united by common interests, with similar problems and worries to chat about.

And membership sites build tribes. They provide people with a place to hang out, belong to and feel part of something bigger than themselves. It’s the vibe of your tribe that will make people stay, pay, and play.

Let’s not forget that every tribe has a leader too. One with unique character.

On the surface, it may seem as if people are just buying your content, but it’s really your character and personality they’re buying.

They want to be like you on some level. They’ll connect with your character through the tone of your writing or the personality you show in videos. And it’s this that they’ll return for over and over again with credit card in hand.

You’re convinced now, right?

Hmmm, I have an inkling you’re still wondering.

Free Training: The 31 Most PROFITABLE Niches for Bloggers in 2021

You know it’s a good idea. But… what if your niche is the exception? What if you are the exception?

Let’s take look at a few successful membership sites that all make over 100K so you’ve got some proof.

7 Successful Membership Site Examples

1. Orchids Made Easy

Growing orchids is a popular and ongoing hobby with hungry orchid enthusiasts worldwide.

Ryan “the orchid guy” has created a fantastic character story and feeds his members with continuous drip-fed content via a monthly membership subscription to his Green Thumb Club. As a new member, you can join at a low starting price for a month and test the waters.

2. The Game Changers

A specialist in the business coaching niche, Barry Magliarditi guides his members on an ongoing development journey that dives into the structures, systems and mindset that fuel business growth.

He offers a fixed fee membership to his Opulence Program which has three tiers of access. In other words, the more you pay, the more access you get to one-to-one advice.

3. Smart Blogger

Of course you know this one, but it’s totally worthy of a mention. As a leader in the blogging niche, Smart Blogger offers high-quality online courses to paying members.

Programs such as Serious Bloggers Only and Freedom Machine are phenomenal step-by-step guides for members to navigate how to start a blog and monetize it.

4. Lady Boss Weight Loss

Losing weight is a never-ending plight for millions of people. Kaelin Tuell Poulin has created a paid 28-day challenge membership site filled with stacks of advice that gets real results.

People start by joining for a 7-day free trial. Her style is authoritative and her character has a popular zero to hero story. She offers lifetime access to her content, plus a strong online community for support and accountability.

5. Magnetic Memory Method

Anthony Metivier’s membership offers free content, products and a fantastic blog on the surface.

Yet, the success of his behind-the-scenes membership program demonstrates the power of a narrow and focused niche with a strong sales funnel.

He leads people gently, builds trust and engages them as he moves them into his fixed-term online program. He also offers a continuity program membership option for those who want to stay — and many do!

6. Succulents and Sunshine

Cassidy Tuttle’s online business is a thriving success that uses a hybrid of affiliate commissions, display ads, eBook sales and a gated online course as income. She offers  “easy access to all the resources and information you need to successfully grow succulents… all in one convenient place”, and has rave reviews as social media proof on her site.

Her site boasts lots of free content. But the premium content and one-to-one access to her advice is behind the paid gates of her online course. Smart!

7. Jan Spiller Astrology

In full disclosure, I couldn’t get confirmation that this site made over $100K, but it’s pretty safe to say it’s doing well given the length of time it’s been around.

Long-term survival in the online world is dependent upon income and a hungry market.

The unique traits of this membership site are the ongoing and endless drip-feed of readings and charts offered through a tiered membership model. Natal charts and astrological weather seem to be high value in this magical niche.

So, there’s no denying success can be had in a huge variety of niches.

But let’s take things a step further:

Lessons Learned from $100K Membership Sites

It’s apparent that success is possible for membership sites in a wide variety of niches. And you’ve no doubt noticed that there are different models for membership sites.

The trouble is, they all overlap in a blur of confused boundaries that leave you wondering exactly what would work for you.

To help, there are two distinct levels of difference you need to be aware of… the membership organization models and the variables.

Let’s dive in…

The Three Core Membership Business Models

1. The Fix Model

Fix model membership sites are focused on one thing — they solve a distinct problem. The problem can be a specific fix, such as how to grow a healthy succulent or how to write a novel. Or, they can fix a longer-term problem such as how to scale a business — often solved through three, six or twelve-month programs.

2. The Motivate Model

When people are faced with a goal that they’re likely to struggle with alone, such as weight loss, fitness goals or a new diet, having an external source of motivation is often the difference that makes the difference.

Paid access to challenges that have motivational communities to share struggles in are perfect for this membership model.

3. The Hangout Model

Otherwise known as the community model, this type of membership site offers people a place to connect and belong. Members are often united towards a common cause or passion such as gardening, cooking or freelance writing.

On the surface, they’ll appear to join because they want to solve a problem, yet they’re more hobbyists at heart and their love for their ‘thing’ drives them to be around others who speak their secret language.

Once you know which model suits you best you can customize your membership site by deciding from the following variables and membership features.

The Five Core Membership Site Variables

1. Fixed Fee or Monthly Fees

If you choose the Fixed model then a fixed fee works well. Prices can vary from a $27 online course to a $3,000 plus online program. It’s all about how much value you offer. The hangout model is perfect for a monthly fee recurring payment structure as people will pay to stay as long as you continue to provide regular high-value new content.

2. Content Type

When it comes to content, you’ve got an enormous range of choices.

Depending on your model, you can use video (live or you talking to slides), worksheets, workbooks, photos and mock-up illustrations, photography, quizzes, charts, graphs, interactive spreadsheets, Facebook live videos, podcasts, webinars, and so on.

As long as it’s online and accessible within a gated forum or platform, you’re good to go.

See, even mind-maps work as membership site content.

3. Drip or Immersion Access

Deciding when your members will get access to all of their content immediately or not is a personal preference. You can choose to drip feed content to members daily, weekly or monthly to protect your content.

Drip-fed content is perfect if you offer a free membership trial or want to build excitement and suspension.

Or, you can throw members into the deep end with full immersion access on day one and let them work as fast, or as slow as they choose.

4. Lifetime or Fixed-Term

There are no hard and fast rules here. Lifetime access provides paying members to ongoing ‘forever’ access to the course or content they’ve paid for. This works well for bigger, more detailed courses that take a long time to complete.

Fixed-term access is perfect to create a sense of urgency to encourage members to complete the course. It also opens the door to offer a continuity program for those who haven’t finished within the fixed term and want to retain access.

5. Tiered or Single-Level

Single-level access means a fixed program structure. You may have one or more programs that solve a specific problem, which is best suited to a dedicated, single-level or set structure.

Or, you may offer a program in which three tiers work best. You can offer online access at a base level and leverage one-to-one access to you at your top level.

It’s pretty clear that membership sites can work in a huge range of niches. And they’re a great way to leverage your time to create the income you know could change your life and give you the freedom you crave.

But that’s not the real issue here, is it? Could it be that a sneaky fear of not being up to the task is lurking behind the clumsy charade of ‘will it work for me’?

You’d be inhuman if it wasn’t.

Regardless, now is the time to step up and decide. Because you’re only ever one decision away from changing your life. Could this be one of those decisions?

I’m guessing though, because you’re a passionate blogger with your heart set on spreading your message, that you’re keen to discover a bit more about how to build a membership site.

How to Build Your Membership Site

If you’re up for playing a bigger game, rather than giving in to those progress-halting worries of yesterday, you’re ready to create a membership site to leverage your time and make money faster. Fantastic!

But, just as you’re enjoying your moment of excited inspiration, you wonder what is the best membership website builder to create your membership site with?

Well, your options fit into two broad categories — a WordPress Plugin or a non-WordPress All-in-One membership site platform.

Let’s take a look.

WordPress Plugins

If you’ve already got an existing WordPress website oozing with content and attracting traffic, then a WordPress membership plugin may be the best option.

Using a plugin gives your readers a sense of familiarity as you can maintain brand consistency and probably reuse your existing website theme.

Plugins make marketing simple because you can install a ‘log in’ button on your existing home page and avoid having to create a new domain name as well. Plugins these days are remarkably easy to get up and running too — even for non-techies.

Here are a few options for you:

Memberpress — MemberPress will help you build astounding WordPress membership sites, accept credit cards securely, control who sees your content, and sell digital downloads … all without the difficult setup.

Learndash — a powerful WordPress plug-in with course builder, quizzes, cart, group management and is compatible with any theme.

Restrict Content Pro — a seriously top-level and increasingly popular membership plugin that offers all the features you could want.

Memberium — Built exclusively for WordPress and Infusionsoft

, Memberium is the perfect tool for creating a scalable WordPress membership site.

AccessAlly — if you’re ready for upselling and sophisticated marketing as well as a solid course builder with gamification and more, AccessAlly is a great option.

Non-WordPress All-in-Ones

Perfect for bloggers or online newbies who don’t yet have a fully-fledged website or tech stack in place, all-in-one membership software makes things ridiculously easy. Just pay a subscription and have fun with the drag and drop builders to customize and upload your content.

You’ll also benefit from a host of extras such as payment systems and course builders, plus marketing and email automation options, as well. Job done.

Here are a few of the players worth considering in this space:

Kajabi — The all-in-one tool for those who want it all and want it simple. Websites, membership sites, landing pages, quizzes, online courses, webinars and payments.

Teachable — With just a few clicks, you’ll get a fully functioning school with learning management, payment gateways, and sales and marketing tools.

Thinkific — Drag and drop design, customized pricing and cart for those who want to educate with confidence.

Kartra — This relative newbie packs a punch as it does every-single-online-thing you’ll ever need. Pre-written funnels, email marketing, membership sites, analytics and everything else.

Simplero — Action packed ALL in one for your website, membership platform, email list and business management, CRM, web hosting, payments, marketing — everything you’ll need to be online in one place.

Is an Online Membership Site for You?

Starting your own membership site isn’t for everyone. It takes a certain kind of person to jump into content and community membership management like this.

Yet, for a blogger who is serious about monetizing and earning recurring revenue, it’s a road worth considering. Seriously.

Because it’s a way to build a following and an income — fast.

A membership site means you’ll build your name with credibility, trust and value. It’ll make you stand out from the crowd as an online entrepreneur with a character people love.

Because you’ll be someone who offers a solution to fix problems, motivates people beyond that which they can achieve alone and you’ll give them a place they want to hang out.

But only you know if you’re up to the task.

Only you know if you’re disciplined enough to map out a vision, a structure and create the content you need.

Only you know if you’re up to taking the leap and taking charge of your future.

So what do you say?

Are you up for it? Or not?

The post 7 Membership Sites that Make $100K+ Per Year appeared first on Smart Blogger.

from SEO and SM Tips https://smartblogger.com/membership-sites/

[chainsawcorazon]

KO-D Blues: The Current DDT Main Event Scene

Anyone who first heard about Cyberagent acquiring DDT back in fall of 2017 knew that change was coming. It often does with acquisitions. Sure, the general understanding was that there would be more capital to float ideas and new projects, bigger paychecks for the personnel, but with great power comes great responsibility- more capital inevitably comes with more stakeholders.

Customers, as in the DDT audience, has been the longest and most consistent stakeholder at DDT pre-aquisition, simply because of the fact that up until fall 2017, DDT was a technically an independent whose business strategy tapped into the niche puroresu market that craved the absurdist, outlandish, and overall nontraditional approach at professional wrestling in a market that was flooded with similar content (don't @ me, but every Ace is the same kinda Ace across the big Five promotions, with a lil tailoring here and there). They have several sister promotions each doing their own thing, all part of the DDT umbrella, but running their own hijinks for their small, but loyal fanbases that buy the tickets and merch as loyally as any person consuming the mainstream content.

But after fall of 2017, they were no longer a successful indy, but now a cog in a larger machine aiming to make money. They were acquired, there's technically a new boss in the story, and even though at first it didn't seem like much would change, something has.

When Shuji Ishikawa won the D-King Grand Prix, I was livid for multiple reasons. I knew there was no way in hell he was gonna win the belt off Takeshita because by that point, it was common knowledge that Shuji would be over in AJPW the entirety of April for Champion Carnival. There was no way in hell a DDT could put their top belt on a man who had to disappear for a whole month, no matter how loyal he was to his mother promotion, bc that would have inevitably started a war between President Takagi and Uncle Jun. My pick was always Daisuke Sasaki, but some wanted Akito, some Yukio, the possibilities were endless because they're full-timers, and all of them amazing wrestlers, and we already knew Harashima was well on his way to lighter feuds and semi-main event status because his Ace days are coming to an end. We knew, but we didn't fret because other people were just are ready for an amazing push, but the victory went to the man who was already known to be a special attraction at Sumo Hall. There was a reason why HaraMarufuji had to drop those belts at Sumo Hall, and only half of it was to push Higuchi, because the other half had to salvage whatever dignity the men had left bc NOAH didn't book HaraMarufuji for shit and DDT could barely make do with Marufuji's sporadic appearances. Sometimes, it works out (like with Yuko), but a lot of times it just doesn't. So Shuji wasn't gonna win, we knew, but DDT management still played the game of thrones, and that led to the upset at Judgement 2k18.

The polls wanted Shuji. The fans wanted Shuji. Deep down, I feel like god wanted Shuji too, but no one can stop Management when it's high on one person regardless of how much the fans, the culture, the whole damn industry wants otherwise. Everyone else becomes an afterthought. People who have worked hard to keep the company alive are no longer in line to get a nice push. Suddenly, everyone becomes food for the top guy, no matter how good the build-up was for the other players, no matter how hot the crowd was for the opponent, no matter how willing the crowd was to forget that Shuji had AJPW dates to fulfill in two weeks, just because they loved the build-up to the Sumo Hall show and wanted Goliath of DAMNATION to come out as champion and give Ryogoku a concert to remember. But reality won in the end, and Shuji got pinned, and there went January through March, straight to the garbage because they fed Shuji Ishi-fucking-kawa to a 22 year old boy who can barely cut a promo and keep a crowd hot after winning a main event.

It's a tragedy from three ends because 1) Takeshita's literally a fucking novice who's only been wrestling for five or so years and is literally in the age group of the current trainees of the damn promotion, 2) he has no character or personality to speak of that people can get high on except the select few that enjoy his 'notice me Endo-san' yandere tirades, and 3) ... he lacks the spirit of DDT.

If DDT was all wrestling, everyday, I'd be watching NOAH's shitty booking and eating ice cream while trying not to let my soul slip outta my mortal coil, but that's not what DDT is. DDT is fully fleshed out characters and over-the-top storylines, DDT is gay-friendly and intergender-wrestling friendly, it's gimmick fuckery for everyone in the promotion, everyone gets to have more than one character, BOYZ shows run social critiques on heterolinis, YAROZ act out the hypermasculine thotheads, Ganbare lets Imanari have emotional meltdowns during ring takedown, TJP has zombies, BASARA has a deathmatch samurai for an Ace, and a wig is the crown for anyone who wants to be general manager of the promotion. It's content fuckery at its best, and it's fun. Takeshita Konosuke? He's not fun.

I'm not gonna try and dissect why he's not getting over, but the fact of the matter is- he's not getting over. And yet- and yet he's still being pushed like he's king of the world. Suddenly we're back in Sumo Hall, and the crowd's dead for Konosuke. A couple of weeks back, when Takeshita lost, he flipped. There was something there, a spark that came and went regularly since Takeshita and Endo began feuding, a rage that bubbled to the surface whenever Takeshita couldn't get his way. There was a character- a semblance of a character worth looking forward to because there was an unparalleled emotion there that was almost tangible.

But like a dying flame, the spark fizzled out, and we were left with an inconsistent character. Like is you mad? Is you happy? You never fuckin know with Take, man. The only consistent thing about him is his undying love/hate for Endo-san.

So Takeshita won, Shuji bowed out, and then Shigehiro Irie rolled up. Suddenly, there was some hope again, because Shige had his own storyline that made sense in the grander scheme of things. With Management so gung ho behind Takeshita, it was excellent storytelling to bring in the guy who has WORDS for the promotion who conned him out of a D-King Grand Prix spot, and had him consider quitting. But Shigs had his own story, his own reason for being, a freelancer like Shuji in his own right, but still tied to the Motherland, to DDT, at the end of the day. Still a heel, but a heel of the people- and if he wins at Max Bump 2018, a champion of the people.

Akito, on the other hand, is gonna be ten years in DDT next year, and he's one of the best wrestlers on the roster, but is still one of the most underpushed (understandable as his character is rather bland even if his skills are exceptional). Coming out with a bad Prix record, he then went on to question Shige's right to challenge. Like an older brother protecting the golden baby of the family, Akito stood up against a literal beast. And he lost. More than that, he was shamed. What's a person to do?

So what changed? Over the years, a number of champions have held the coveted KO-D. OK, maybe 'coveted' is pushing it. It's a hot title, aight? It's the top guy's title, whether that top guy for the moment is Harashima, Kudo, Ibushi, Ishikawa, Sakaguchi, Togo, Poison Sawada Julie, Dino or Mikami. But that didn't mean the title didn't change hands. For its eighteen year existence, its changed enough times for a title spanning forty years, but DDT went from zero to hero. Suddenly the belts weren't all jokes, the talent wasn't just here for the shenanigans, but for an actual chance to be the rightful King of DDT. So what changed?

Across Harashima's nine reigns over eleven years, he clocked in well over a thousand days. Takeshita is on his second reign, at 22, and clocked in almost five hundred days over eleven different defenses. The push is real, but the push isn't getting over. So I wonder again- what changed?

Everyone knows the worst civil war a promotion can get into is the war with its own customer base. The crowd died at Sumo Hall after Takeshita retained, and they were barely waking up again when Irie popped up. The story's there- the Old Guard of DDT having to deal with the new Management that came with the acquisition, Irie's need to show Takeshita that DDT is still what it used to be, even if Shigs is bitter and jaded that things have changed so quickly, the constant, nagging feeling in the back of every DDT fan's mind that 'jfc, we gotta deal with Takeshita again?” There's only so much a promotion can do until the push fails. We still have to fill up seats for Peter Pan. The hottest stable on the indies for the last two years was DAMNATION, but now that their push and hype was used on Shuji and Goliath's been slayed, what's next for them? Shige is almost certain to lost at Max Bump because anyone who slays Takeshita, will be slaying the Future and taking back DDT for whatever reason. That's not happening at Korakuen with a guy who's been MIA since December. Harashima's time is over. The generation of DDT wrestlers that came after 2005 are still lagging in the midcard, and times are... intense. We have a Sumo Hall double show coming up in 2019, and it looks like we really will be hosting Tokyo Dome if 2020 if we continue at this pace.

So what changed?

I don't want to give up hope yet because I trust that crowd sentiment matters to DDT, but with Takeshita's victory at Judgment, his lukewarm hype, and now the setup to feed heel!Shige to Takeshita in order to fluff him up as a face... it's not looking too great. Shige losing now means the Old Guard loses a warhound. One of the few things that can salvage his loss is Akito having a heel turn, but the turn hasn't been triggered in years, and seems unlikely even now when the moment is most opportune. There are... no challengers left for Takeshita with a proper build. The one man who was capable of running with his push had to lose to Mike Bailey. We're at a standstill right now- halfway to the dawn of a new era, but moments away from severe backlash because of the near omnipotent reign of a boy king who can barely keep his emotions in check around his ex-bff/love of his unfortunate life. Given, DDT didn't die even when Ibushi quit, so I doubt Takeshita's lackluster reign is gonna kill the promotion dead... but it doesn’t spell out a good future if there's meant to be a cycle of this lackluster character work.

Especially if they intend for him to be the Ace for good.

Alas, the main event scene at DDT right now is rife with mixed feelings while we prepare to work the five hundred other side-projects DDT has going, while preparing for a fall Peter Pan, with no clear picture of who will be the two men standing face-to-face at the last marquee event of the year. We'll see at Max Bump if Shige can win one for the Old Guard and take the belt off Takeshita long enough to build up other characters that can have formidable reigns, but until then, it's a rocky road. At least Smile Squash held it down for the crowd :/

[pixlh3art]

One Ally Ana Tip for Every Hero

Hey! So, I’ve been getting into this series by a youtuber named KarQ, where he has a pro player come in as a guest to his channel, and makes a video where they talk about their main and every single matchup in the game, including the mirror match. He also has them offer one general tip for the hero.

I really love this idea and the series has taught me a lot for playing as and against several heroes in the game, so as a very un-professional Ana player, I wanted to make a list of things that I wish my allies would do when I’m on Ana. Ana is easily the most mechanically intensive support hero in the game, and there are a lot of small things that you, as her teammate, can do to help make her a lot more effective. Without further ado, click the readmore for one (several) tips to help your ally Ana as every hero!

General Tip: A significant amount of the Overwatch community is divided over the “I need healing” ping. Some, usually healer mains, think it’s always disrespectful, while others think it’s okay if not used in excess or when healers clearly can’t get to you, and then there are some who spam it when they have 195/200 HP. So, what I recommend is as follows: If you’re low on health and within an Ana’s line of sight, she knows. Healers get a big “CRITICAL” icon over your silhouette, even through walls, when you’re low. So when you’re on the point and low, Ana knows to heal you, don’t ping her. However, since Ana is a sniper hero, I actually appreciate it when my allies ping healing if they’re behind me as I spam down a choke point. In that case, the 70 HP or so you’re missing is more important than what I was doing, and I couldn’t see you because I was scoped in.

TL;DR: Ping healing when you’re behind your Ana. Don’t ping it when you’re behind a wall off the point, because usually she’s looking that way and is waiting for you to walk out from the wall.

Also, please, if you’re full HP, don’t walk or stand directly in front of your Ana. You’ll tank the shot and get healed instead of letting the shot go to its intended target, which is likely either a low hp enemy or ally, so you might have just doomed a teammate or saved an enemy.

ATTACK HEROES:

Doomfist: Realize that Ana can’t heal through walls. You have a big hitbox, and it’s even bigger for her, but when you punch away, chasing a flanker or a low target, you’ve probably left her line of sight. However, if you have a good Ana player on high ground and you ult while you have low HP, ask her for healing before you land. You’re invulnerable for a teeny bit after you land, but not to her healing, and since your landing zone is telegraphed as hell, she might be able to get a shot or two into you before you can even take damage. Use voice chat for this though, as it’s a big ask if she’s not expecting it.

Genji: PING WHEN YOU HAVE DRAGONBLADE. You are one of Ana’s best friends; treat her right and she will win games for you every time. Your blade is the second best target for Nano-Boost, after Tactical Visor, so unless you have a Soldier, always always always ping your Ana when you have your sword ready. Also, Nano-Boost is a point-and-click ability, sure, but it still requires Ana to have line of sight on you, so look for her before you pull the sword out and dash onto an enemy. In addition, with a nano-boost, if you dash-cancel a slash, that should be enough to kill a 200HP target where you’d normally need two swings, so make sure you remember that and don’t waste a swing on the empty air where an enemy used to be. This does allow you to kill most heroes through Transcendence with enough precision, so definitely keep that in mind. Also, just in case you two didn’t counter poor Zenyatta hard enough, if she doesn’t have Nano or you don’t have sword, her Biotic Grenade will prevent Zen’s allies from healing in his ult, so if you pull blade and hear Transcendence, you might still be able to kill some folks with purple health bars. Lastly, and this is very important: Nano-Boost lasts for eight seconds, and your blade only lasts for six. If she hits you before you pull your blade out, you have a whole two seconds to select the first person you’re gonna try to cut in half before any enhanced blade damage is lost. Take your time and select your target properly, don’t feel like you have to sword in right away.

McCree: In the lore, this woman taught you how to shoot, so keep that in mind. Nano High Noon isn’t the best combo in the game, but it works in a pinch. Also, her shots deal 70 damage and so do yours (before damage falloff), so if an average enemy takes three hits total from you two, they’re dead. Also, she can’t headshot, but you can, so if you see a 200HP hero surrounded by the purple aura of her shot, click on their head for an easy kill. Lastly, if your Ana is dying too much, or if you’re dying too much, stand right with her. She can keep you both alive by throwing a ‘nade at her feet, and you can peel those pesky flankers off of her with your Flashbang. Low-mobility friends have to stick together!

Pharah: Your mom is the second-best healer for you after your skywife Mercy, so keep the skies clear for her. She can still miss you as you jetpack around, so if you’re really low, try landing behind a wall where she can still see you. That’s pretty much it, other than the very niche case where you’re very low and you notice that your ally Ana just respawned. Several maps, especially control point ones, have a pretty clear line of sight from the spawn doors to the air far above the point, so if you need healing and your mom just spawned, fly straight up. I’ve found this works really well on maps like Oasis: City Center, Lijiang Tower: Night Market, Illios: Well, Eichenwalde, first point on defense, and King’s Row, first point on attack.

Reaper: Ever since the nerf to Nano-Boost that no longer increases your movement speed, the Beyblade combo is significantly worse than it used to be, but it still works in a pinch, so ping Death Blossom if she asks or if you’re the only real target on her team for it. Secondly, Biotic Grenade increases all healing that happens to you, including your passive lifesteal, so if you’re getting low and she tosses a ‘nade at your feet, consider continuing to shoot to keep yourself up instead of just Wraith Forming out, because you’ll be damn hard to kill through your passive and a ‘nade. If you do have to Wraith Form out, remember that she can still heal you, so either head in her direction if you’re really low or get out of her way for higher-priority targets if you know of a nearby mega health pack you can use instead.

Soldier: 76: You are Ana’s very best friend, better than Genji and even Reinhardt. Tactical Visor is the ultimate for Nano-Boost, so try to combo them as much as possible. If you haven’t enabled ally health bars on Soldier through the game’s settings, you really should. If you have done this and you see an allied Ana below 100 HP, use your Biotic Field on her. Her Biotic Grenade is ridiculously powerful on every hero in the game, except for her. She has no other way to heal herself other than tossing it at her feet, and it only gives her 100 health, and then no way to benefit from the increased healing after that. Your field can patch her back up to full no matter what unless she has to leave it, and in turn she can throw her grenade at you and perhaps other nearby allies as well, and continue to shoot those allies, healing them more. In contrast, if she has to ‘nade her feet and then you start taking damage on the point and throw down your field, you two have burned the same cooldowns but resulted with significantly less healing overall. Finally, if you both get caught in a Graviton Surge or are just near each other and taking lots of damage, the combo of ‘nade and Biotic Field together makes what I like to call a “Budget Transcendence,” and it will absolutely save your life.

Sombra: There isn’t much synergy that you two have, other than an EMP and a big anti-grenade being probably the most disabling combo in the game. If you hack a health pack and see her running to it, let her have it, because she can’t heal herself nearly as efficiently as she can heal you. Also, if you’re feeling very protective, you can just camp her and hack the Tracer and Genji that’re diving her all day, and from there, she’ll be able to reliably win that 1v1.

Tracer: In order for her to heal you, you have to not be blinking all over the map like a lunatic, which is really what you need to do in order to be effective, so usually the only healing you’ll get from her is when you run all the way over to her. However, all you’ll ever need is two shots to get back to full. Finally, and this is very important: If you see her land a sleep dart on an enemy Zarya or Orisa, do not, I repeat, DO NOT STICK THESE HEROES WHILE THEY ARE ASLEEP. Both have 400 max HP and will die to a bomb, but the initial contact of the bomb deals 5 damage, waking them up and giving Zarya just enough time to bubble herself and take no damage, or Orisa enough time to use Fortify and survive through her damage reduction. If you see an Ana sleep either of these heroes, just wave, maybe put down a spray, and gently drop the Pulse Bomb right next to their sleeping soon-to-be-corpse. Same goes for Moira, Reaper, and an enemy Tracer, but those heroes usually die when slept anyways, and aren’t worth a Pulse Bomb.

DEFENSE HEROES:

Bastion: Ana is the best support for keeping you alive in Turret form. You don’t move an inch, so she’ll never miss a shot, and if you’re dying, she can put 75 HP into you 1.2 times a second without ‘nade. If she does ‘nade you, your self-healing will be even more effective than before. However, if there are people in your face and she’s healing you, it might be a better idea to keep shooting instead of healing yourself, because there are very very few single heroes who can out-damage the healing of an Ana who is completely focused on you, especially with your armor. Finally, your ult is actually a decent target for Nano-Boost, especially against tank-heavy comps, so be sure to watch her ult charge and ping your own.

Hanzo: There isn’t much synergy here. If she randomly Nanos you after you toss your ult, it does actually enhance the damage, so don’t worry, she didn’t waste it. She really appreciates Sonic Arrows, because she is also a sniper. If you can Scatter enemy flankers off of her, she’ll really appreciate it, but that isn’t really your job. Just try to remember where she is and try to get to a position where you can still take shots but she can see you for healing, because you’re far more mobile than she is.

Junkrat: Tragically, she cannot heal your tire. I know, I was disappointed too. Other than controlling the area where she’s set up with your ridiculous zoning potential, there isn’t much you can do to help her. If you really want to get advanced, you can put extra priority on breaking things like Winston bubbles or Orisa shields when your allies are behind them, because that will allow her to heal those allies. In a similar vein, if you get dove by a Winston and you’re low, try to use your mine to knock yourself out of the barrier in her direction, and if she’s watching, she’ll heal you, because you’re pretty easy for her to snipe while you fly.

Mei: Be very considerate with your wall. It can completely cut her off from an ally she was healing if you aren’t careful, and unlike with an enemy Mei, she can’t even break a small section of your wall and shoot through it. Finally, she cannot heal you through your Cryofreeze, which is something unique to Ana. However, you will still benefit from Biotic Grenade’s healing increase if you freeze after it, so she might be able to let you pop out faster. Finally, the slow from your primary fire on a big tank like RoadHog or Reinhardt will usually let her land an easy sleep dart, which is often an easy kill.

Torbjorn: For once, your giant hitbox is actually a benefit to you, because you’re pretty easy for her to heal, and she’s pretty well-equipped to quickly top you off from far away. However, keep in mind that your turret will block her shots and not heal from it, so if you’re low, try not to let it be between you two. Also, if you’re both insane, Nano Molten Core is a thing that could potentially happen, so try it out if you have literally zero other options. Also, give her armor. 

Widowmaker: You’re generally a loner, and Ana isn’t as well-suited to heal you as someone like a Mercy or a Zenyatta, but she’ll certainly help you more than a Moira or a Lucio would. If you ping healing, it might take her a second to get to you, because she needs to find a line of sight to you and has no mobility. Other than that, try to save Infra-Sight for when she’s alive, because she’s a sniper too and will benefit from the ability more than some of your other allies.

TANKS:

D.Va: Sadly, you are probably the worst tank for an Ana to Nano-Boost, because it applies to your mech, and not you. As an Ana player, I’ve had my heart break because I desperately Nano’d a D.Va who threw down a Self-Destruct right after, which essentially wasted my Nano. That being said, you still do have 600 HP, so you can play even more aggressively than you normally do if you feel a Biotic Grenade splash on you. Just try not to chase anyone too far out of her line of sight.

Orisa: Nano-Boost reduces the damage that you take, just like your Fortify ability. Combine these two with her Biotic Grenade and constant healing and you can basically tank the world. The amount of damage that you can just flat-out negate with this combo is very surprising. Just be careful to not let your Ana die during it, because that 75 HP 1.2 times a second is a very key component in your ability to survive everything.

Reinhardt: All these wimpy DPS heroes need to combine their own ultimate with Nano-Boost to get value out of it. Real heroes like you can make the best of a Nano anytime, anywhere. When you hear “You’re powered up, get in there!” just charge into the enemy team and start swingin’. Just be careful if you two are the only people left, because if you charge away from her, she’ll likely die without you or another tank. However, if you get a Nano as or after you land four or more heroes in a Shatter, then it doesn’t matter at that point, they’re all dead. Lastly, while it is your job to stand in front of your team and hold up your rectangle, try not to stand or move directly in front of your Ana, because your body will block her shots, unlike every other ally of yours.

Road Hog: You thought you were unkillable before? Try having an Ana give you a Biotic Grenade. That 100 initial HP combined with the 300 from your Take A Breather, which will be increased to 450 by the grenade, will make you a very, very tanky pig. So, yes, if you have just 50 HP remaining and both you and your ally Ana press the E button, you will return to full HP. Also, Whole Hog is a really great ultimate for Nano-Boost, so ping her when you have it. Just try not to spend too much time flanking, because if she can’t see you, she can’t help you. If you do have an ally Ana, consider playing more like an anchor tank than a half-tank/half-dps, because she really can allow you to block almost as much damage as something like a Reinhardt with just your face. It’s also a great way for her to build ult charge.

Zarya: Bubble her. Bubble her often. Ana’s self-peel, unlike Moira’s Fade, Lucio’s boop, or Mercy’s Guardian Angel, requires a lot more skill from her in order to work, and also has a much longer cooldown, so a bubble will definitely save her life quite often. You probably won’t get as much charge as you would from something like a fellow tank or a less-mobile DPS hero, unless you’ve reached that stage of the game that happens to every Ana player where they have to stick so close to their team that their weapon might as well not have a scope. Finally, if you have an amazing Grav and then the enemy Zenyatta responds with a Transcendence, don’t despair: A good Ana will follow up with a Biotic Grenade and negate all healing for the Zen’s entire team, which will usually result in the monk watching his allies die around him and start sweating for when his invulnerability ends.

SUPPORTS:

Ana: No Limits is a fun game mode, for sure, but I’ve literally never seen this happen in Arcade, so I don’t have much. I guess you can really torture an enemy by chaining sleep darts...

Lucio: Her grenade and your Amp it Up on healing will allow a team to survive pretty much anything. Just try to visit her every now and again, because you can heal her better than she can heal herself. Also, while being impossible to hit as you wallride is sort of your job, remember that this also makes it difficult for her to heal you. Finally, try to use your speed boost to bring her back to the point or out of tight spots. She’s getting older and isn’t as fast as you or some of your more mobile friends.

Mercy: Tragically, your damage boost does not increase the amount that she heals with her shots. If you play a lot of Mercy, you’re probably used to staying on tanks, which is definitely your primary job, but you are far better equipped to stay with high-mobility flanker heroes than she is, especially on more cramped maps. She, however, is extremely well-suited at keeping tanks alive with her burst healing through her grenade, and she does actually heal a little bit faster than you if she doesn’t miss, until she has to reload. Finally, as this is always a suggestion, keep her topped off so she doesn’t have to throw her grenade at her feet to stay alive, and can use it on the rest of the team instead. Lastly, starting a match with your damage boost beam on her is a great way to show support player solidarity, and also a funny way to tilt your dps players.

Moira: You do short-range, she does long-range. Like every healer, keeping her up is a good idea, but you two share the trait of being able to heal others better than yourself, as she has to ‘nade her feet and you have to lifesteal something other than a shield. Thusly, you two should try to watch out for each other. Also, Ana/Moira is probably the best support combo for triple or even quad tank compositions, because her grenade and your healing both working very well for tanks. Finally, while Nano-Boost sadly doesn’t increase the team healing you do with Coalescence, it does increase the damage, and therefore the amount that you heal yourself. Biotic Grenade does the same, so Ana can press two buttons and make you into a psuedo-tank just from the obscene amount that you’ll be healing yourself.

Symmetra: You’re actually a far better Nano target than people think, just running around holding down the left mouse button with no remorse. Ana also greatly appreciates your shield generator, because it allows her to take 175 damage before she needs more than one grenade at her feet to get back to full, instead of the 100 she’s used to. Other than that, try to save her life from things like a D.Va bomb with your barrier, because she’s a slow grandma and might not be able to get behind a wall in time.

Zenyatta: You probably won’t see her on your team too often, since you two fulfill a rather similar “off-healer, off-dps” role. However, if you do end up on the same team as her, try to give her your Harmony Orb pretty often, because she can switch healing targets much faster than you can, but struggles to heal herself. She, like any sniper, also appreciates Discord Orb on her targets, so if you really trust her, you can just babysit her with your orbs and make her a very significant threat. Finally, if you see her use her Nano-Boost, especially on a high-mobility target like a Genji with Blade, give that person your Harmony Orb. It’s Ana’s job to keep her Nano target alive, but unlike her shots, your orb doesn’t miss once you select who gets it. If you’re a three-person team of a DPS main and two support mains, Ana, Zenyatta, and Genji or Soldier is a very potent composition.

And that’s all I’ve got! Hopefully I’ll remember to reblog this with more advice when new heroes come out. Don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe

[ameliasnormandy]

Therapy notes with Subject Sparkle part 2

  I am a little nervous about doing this because most of the time, the fanfic that I write is for a more niche group, and I’m worried about people not liking this, but I had fun writing this, so I thought that I would put it out there. If you enjoyed reading it, please let me know. If I have anything wrong, please be kind.

Thank you, and I hope you enjoy it.

This is my second interview with Subject Sparkle. I was only able to talk with her for about twenty minutes because of what happened. I will talk more about that once I get to that part of the interview. Again, I am going to stay out of the interview as much as possible.

I guess it is Wednesday, though I’m now less sure what I am doing here. I don’t know what I can tell you that you don’t already know. I think, I honestly think that my siblings would know more than I do. They have a lot of opinions of what I should do, what I should say. They actually want to talk to you. They have said that if any of us need therapy, it’s them.

              I don’t care. I’m not making any claims to you. Actually, the minute that I can stop this, I will. (I could see that she was almost willing to leave here. She even stood as if she was going to walk away. I was able to stop her, and the conversation continued.)

              It’s just, I’ve always wanted to appease people. My mom died when I was… Wow, maybe everyone does have a problem with their mom. It’s not that I have a problem with her. I was young when she died. I know that it’s possible to have issues with her, but… What does this have to do with the flea market? (Every time she gets too personal, I notice that she asks me about what I want from her.)

              It no longer has to do with that?

              I am a terrible case study if you want to see the lives of those who have been through The Event. There are several others that I think could be used… I’m sorry. I just… (This is the first time that my lights begin to flicker.)

              Alright. Where do you want me to start?

              Well, my life right after The Event (she still refuses to address it as the blip instead of just referring to it as The Event) changed drastically. I told you about that last time. I became a mother to seven. You see, my siblings are all relatively older than me. His first wife divorced him for some pool boy, his second left him for his brother, and mine she was supposed to be his last, and maybe she would have been. She died like I said when I was 8. I know that she was different than my siblings’ moms. She, herself, was already wealthy. Not self-made. An oil heiress. Old money. My father was new money—a self-made man. You wouldn’t expect that someone in her position would have chosen him, but she did. If you had looked at her, you would have thought that she had married him for money. She was gorgeous, and I look nothing like her. She had these gorgeous blue eyes, straight blonde hair, a perfect complexion. I’m not sure where I came from. (She stood and walked to the window at this point and looked out the window, never once addressing my presence) I mean, when you look at me, you don’t see her. You can’t point to my eyes and say that those are hers, and you can’t point to my hair and say you got that from your mother. The only thing that I actually ever got from her is her money.

              (This was when she turned around to look back at me.) I don’t honestly know the answer to that question. I have people that take care of all of that for me. I mean, when The Event happened, I, of course, did my part as someone who could afford to give. Unintentionally, I think I somehow became richer. It made the company look good that we were donating so much money.

              No, I didn’t just use company money. I used a lot of the money that my family had. My mom didn’t have siblings, so all of the money and the company went to me after her death. It was a family company. All family members might not have had a direct hand in the company, but we all sat on the board—family rules. Even I sit on the board. Chairman. Chairperson. I also sit on the board of my father’s company. Well, I did. My siblings kicked me off the board. (She sat back down after this.) I know it seems odd, but it’s just because there isn’t room for them, and I am the youngest. They didn’t think it was fair that I was the youngest on the board, let alone the chairman, chairwoman.

              Yes, I was the chairman of the two companies. The Event made it seem impossible for them not to be open to the idea. All I had to do was prove that I was worth it, and with so few people in the galaxy left, it wasn’t that hard. I am not a massive fan of being in charge. You don’t work for my siblings, right? I guess it really doesn’t matter anymore. They already kicked me off. I hate being in charge. I hate the idea of being in control. I hate the idea of knowing that I make decisions for people.

              This has nothing to do… Oh, right. Making decisions for people. It’s different. It’s not like it’s hard to figure out what is needed to help them most of the time. You help them get food, clothes, you play games with them… I mean, not like mental games… Well, I do… I just mean like board games type of things. You don’t like play like guessing games… Well, you do… It’s just… I mean… (My lights started flickering even more here.)

              Thank you. They don’t need to be sticking things into a socket. You tell them no to that. Those aren’t complicated decisions to make. It’s more complicated to run a business because you might be doing something right for one person, and you might end up pissing like fifteen others off. The want to balance everything; that’s my problem. I don’t know how to do that. I feel like every decision I make, I could screw everything up. In the end, the ones that saved all of us, they were willing to make decisions. (Again, she still refuses to address the Avengers as anything.) Whether it was for ill-gotten gains or for something else, that’s yet to be seen, but the important thing here is that they were willing to make the decisions. I worry about what decisions my siblings will make. Not just because they were randomly selected to be part of The Event. I mean, that is a reason, and it’s not necessarily a small one either. They don’t understand all of the intricate ideas, the thoughts that had to go through all of our heads while we were still here. (Again, avoiding all personal information.) I know this isn’t a question that I have any right to ask, and if you don’t want to answer, you don’t have to but did you… I mean, were you… Were you one of the half that… What I mean to ask is… (The lights started flickering again, more powerful and less controlled.)

              So, you understand. We were at half capacity. We had to hire new workers, but now that the old workers are back, we have to find a way for them to get involved. It’s not fair to them to say that they aren’t allowed to have their jobs back. It wasn’t their fault. We can’t punish them for what he did, and yet…

              I don’t know if they would or not. Some of the board members want to take away that choice. They want to forget about those who left because of The Event, but that’s not fair to them, and I want to fight for them. I just worry that I won’t have the voice to fight for them. Not now when we are trying to reorganize the board too. You see like I said before, they kicked me out because they used my own logic against me. I had to agree to have any chance of saving everyone’s job. I don’t need the money from being on the board. Even as prices begin to rise, I know that I will fine.  

              Of course, prices are going to begin to rise. It’s a weird sense of inflation, but from all that I know about economics, it stands to reason that the banks will have less money as the half the people who haven’t been around suddenly want to withdraw their money. I told them this was going to happen. The idea that they will come back, and when they do, they would be looking for their money. What would happen if we didn’t have it? Thankfully, I prepared with all of the banks my family owns. I knew that we were coming back. We did talk about this last session. Like I said last time, it was just a dream. This thing in my head was forcing me to listen to it. I made a lot of my decisions based on the assumption that they were eventually going to come back, and we all needed to be prepared for that.

              What? No. Nothing else weird happened… Why do you ask?

              That isn’t a typical question. I feel like you are the one trying to force me into a topic that I don’t understand.

              Alright. I guess if you really want to hear about the little things. It’s been easier to communicate with my nieces and nephews. After everyone came back, it seemed even easier than it was before. I don’t want you to have the impression that I couldn’t communicate with them before, because I could it’s just… it’s even easier now. It’s almost like I can feel what they are feeling. And before you even think about going on some random idea that I have some power or other nonsense, I spent five years with them. I made sure that they were happy and taken care of. It would make sense that I could feel what they were feeling.

              Sure. Like the twins. They’re my nieces, Brit and Luc, they turned 13 recently, and I just knew what they wanted for their birthdays. And I know that sounds stupid, but you have to understand what they wanted for their birthdays was a bit obscure. They wanted to go to this old skating rink that we all used to go to as a family when we were younger. The last time it had been open was before The Event. I had tried to buy it, but the owner’s family didn’t want to sell. They also believed that there was a chance that he could come back. And the twins wanted it decorated with these giant stuffed lollipops. I didn’t know that they even remembered the place, let alone want to go there for their birthday. And the lollipops, they don’t even like real candy. I don’t know how I knew it; I just did. It felt right. They were so happy too. My siblings were upset because I could give their children what they wanted, and my siblings couldn’t. It wasn’t my fault. They just didn’t understand their children, but it was my fault. With them, it always is my fault. Again, I think it’s because I was the baby of the family. Which isn’t fair to me with what happened with our father. He was sick. By the time that I had turned 14, he was dying. I got my GED real quick and helped him with anything that I could. He was so upset with me too. He wanted me to have a childhood, but I was more concerned with making sure that he was alright. I got emancipated when I was 15 so that he wouldn’t have to decide which one of my siblings would have to take care of me. I did what I had to do. I did, and they just… They have always been… The words that I want to say… I mean, I don’t want to… They just… I get… (The lights were now flickering with reckless abandon, and then one of them burst, the one right over her head.) What was that? How did that happen? You know, the power grid has been super glitchy at my house too. I mean, we haven’t had any bulbs explode like that, but we have had a lot of flashing lights, and our heater nearly overheated. It’s odd. It’s probably because there have been so many people on the grid lately. I’ll have to get my company to try to figure out the problems.

              Umm, yeah. We can reschedule to finish the conversation.

Next Monday? I work. Can we do Tuesday?

I still work.

No. You’re right. I wouldn’t need a real job, but I have one.

I run an escape room based on them. (I really wanted to ask her about the hypocrisy of it, but I thought that it was best to wait on that)

              I will see you on Tuesday.

 I think you should look into the power grid and see if her complaints are valid, though I feel that you already know the answers.

 I hope you guys like this section. If you guys want to read more, please let me know. I am still very shaky about whether anyone will like this section.

[douchebagbrainwaves]

STARTUPS AND B

Incidentally, nothing makes it more patently obvious that the old method now seemed alarmingly unreliable, like navigating by dead reckoning once you'd gotten used to a GPS. I find it unbearably restrictive to program in languages without macros, just as it was possible to go from rich to poor. But I have a separate laptop on the other side of the room to check email or browse the web, I become much more aware of it. I was in the bathroom! Restrictiveness is mostly lack of succinctness. They'll just remember you as the company with the boneheaded plan for making money, rather than the order in which they happen to appear on the screen. It's not just that it's demoralizing, but that is not how conversations with corp dev are like that but worse, because the paper would grow to the size of the market you're in. If I'd been forbidden to make enough money that I didn't have to worry about running out of money and b they can spend their time how they want. Drew Houston realizes he's forgotten his USB stick and thinks I really need to make my files live online. I agree that a line of Lisp.1 So the average quality of writing online isn't what the print media now use it.

You do it sitting at a desk. You just have to be inferior people. For some reason, the more effort you'll have to expend on selling your ideas rather than having them. This implies that the kind of work is the future. With time, as with money. You can also be at the leading edge as a user. I reply: here's the data; here's the theory; theory explains data 100%. If you're not at the leading edge of a field that's changing fast, when you have ideas, you'll be confident enough to tell them the low monthly payment. Bill Woods once told me that, as a rule of thumb, each layer of interpretation costs a factor of 10 in speed. So when a language feels restrictive, what that mostly means is that we are talking about the future, then it's probably big enough no matter how cozy the terms. In fact they might have had net less pain; because the fear of dealing with payments is a schlep for Stripe, but not an intolerable one. A lot of the same things we said at the last two.

I know, was Fred Brooks in the Mythical Man Month. But business administration is not what you're doing as soon as possible, preferably in the first year. There have to be on most. After all, they're just a subset of lists in which the elements are characters. If you want to make terribly risky choices, if the upside looks good enough. But a company that managed a large enough number of companies could say to all its clients: we'll combine the revenues from all your companies, and they even let kids in. Which is particularly painful to someone who wants to buy you. Now everyone can, and then either by taxation or by limiting what they can charge to confiscate whatever you deem to be surplus. Wow.

A web site for college students to stalk one another? If you describe your web-based database might resist calling their applicaton that, because it makes the rich richer too. Thirty years later Facebook had the same shape. Matters are decided in the discussion preceding the vote, not in the vote itself, which is why this trend began with them. And if the candidates are equally charismatic, charisma will cancel out, and elections will be decided on issues, if only out of habit or politeness. In any purely economic relationship you're free to do what you want. I knew would be hard to distinguish from a partisan attack on them, but though they can end up in the same way I write essays, making pass after pass looking for anything I can cut. You know there's demand, and people don't say that about things that are obvious, and yet with the right optimization advice to the compiler, would also yield very fast code when necessary. If such management companies existed, they'd offer the maximum of freedom and security.

Even if you find someone else working on the same thing, you're probably happiest on the main branches of an evolutionary tree. Probably the single biggest piece of evidence, initially, will be your own confidence in it. And if the candidates are equally charismatic, charisma will cancel out, and it could require interpretation in the case of pastoral nomads driving hunter-gatherers into marginal lands, or metaphorically in the case of Gilded Age financiers contending with one another to assemble railroad monopolies. Millions of people are mildly interested in a social network for pet owners. I know are professors, but it seems a good sign when you know that an idea will appeal strongly to a specific group or type of user. Maybe some aspects of professionalism are actually a net lose for the buyer, though, as mere readability-per-line could be a good trick to look for things that seem to be missing. Bill Woods once told me that, as with the stupendous speed of the underlying hardware, parallelism will be wasted. Four years later, pundits said the country had lurched to the right. Many employees would like to believe elections are won and lost on issues, if only out of habit or politeness.2

You don't simply get to do whatever you want; the good stuff spreads, and the power of TV, Kennedy apparently would not have been a good startup idea, it's not a coincidence: you have probably discovered a useful new abstraction.3 So approach this like an algorithm that gets the right answer for dealing with Internet distractions will be software that watches and controls them. But that is not, at least. The only thing worth talking about first is the problem you're trying to solve is still there. It's good to talk about the value of what they were doing—particularly that the better a job they did, I see no reason to believe today's union leaders would shrink from the challenge. This kind of metric would allow us to compare different languages, but that if someone wanted to design a language explicitly to disprove this hyphothesis, they could probably do it.4 If you're really at the leading edge of a domain that's changing fast. A friend of mine who knows nearly all the code you write this way will be reusable. What did I do before x?5 Some days I'd wake up, get a cup of tea, or walking around the neighborhood.6 Say what you're doing in a startup. The evolution of languages differs from the evolution of programming languages might be the percentage of people who should know better.

If you're talking to someone from corp dev wants to meet, the founders still had a majority of board seats, then your opinion about what's in the interest of the shareholders; but if you have a hunch that something is truly missing. You need to use a more succinct language, and b someone who took the trouble to do this could leave competitors who didn't in the dust. Your company has to make money, but mainly because it shows you care about is what happens in the next hundred years. TV. For some reason, the more extroverted of the two founders did most of the extra computer power we're given will go to waste. Increase taxes, and willingness to take risks. I can see a path that's not immediately obvious; that's one of our specialties at YC. That may seem utopian, but it's close enough that except in pathological examples, I thought succinctness could be considered identical with power. Most of the legal restrictions on employers are intended to protect employees. Of nonstop work. And God help you if you fire anyone.

But I didn't understand the equation governing my behavior. Or hasn't it? Ironically, though open source and blogging show us things don't have to learn programming to be at the leading edge of a domain that's changing fast, when you try to attack wealth, you end up nailing risk as well, and with them your income. He seemed to want the job more. They counted as work, just as everyone knows that Can you pass the salt? A quarter of their life. We're Jeff and Bob and we've built an easy to use web-based database might resist calling their applicaton that, because it means that if you can't predict whether there's a path out of an idea? A round. If not, just don't take the first meeting. And the kind of work is the future. So at dinner afterward we collected all our tips about presenting to investors.

Notes

The biggest counterexample here is defined from the CIA runs a venture fund called In-Q-Tel that is largely true, it has to be a niche. You should be asking will you build this?

They have no way of calculating real income ignores much of The New Industrial State to trying to enter the software business, or to be a lot of people starting normal companies too. The wartime versions were much more attractive to investors, even if they don't. You owe them such updates on your thesis. After a while we were using Lisp, though sloppier language than I'd use to develop server-based applications.

There is of course, but they were regarded as 'just' even after the Physics in the original version of Explorer. Of the remaining 13%, 11 didn't have TV because they actually do, I'll have people nagging me for features.

I wonder if they'd like, and no one knows how many of the most promising opportunities, it is to start software companies, summer jobs are the numbers we have to be free to work not just something the mainstream media needs to, but at least seem to someone still implicitly operating on the East Coast. So instead of the device that will pay the bills so you can get for 500 today would have.

If anyone wants to invest in so many different schools of thought about how the courses they took might look to an employer. I didn't need to get good grades in them to keep the number at Harvard Business School at the top startup law firms are Wilson Sonsini, Orrick, Fenwick West, Gunderson Dettmer, and that we didn't, they thought at least prevent your investors from helping you to believing in natural selection in the cupboard, but I couldn't convince Fred Wilson to fund them. If only one. He couldn't even afford a monitor.

Xkcd implemented a particularly alarming example, I use the local builders built everything in it, and only incidentally to tell someone that I was writing this, though sloppier language than I'd use to calibrate the weighting of the funds we raised was difficult, and some just want that first few million. The dialog on Beavis and Butthead was composed largely of these limits could be fixed within a niche.

Thanks to Geoff Ralston, Jessica Livingston, Robert Morris, and Sam Altman for reading a previous draft.