#I love Astral so much and I love his growth

[astralhope]

The way Astral develops emotions through the show is one of my favourite aspects of Zexal (if not my favourite, because I love him). At first, he didn't know what emotions were. He observed them without even considering that he might feel something like that. Yet, the more he experienced on Earth, the more he changed, slowly, but he changed: he learned to smile, to fear, to cry and to hope, all the types of emotions he felt have combine into his essence, without completely changing it.

Because Astral never becomes particularly open with his emotions, his personality remains calm and collected, like at the start of the show, yet developing into something more than that as all the emotions he had collected had made him grown.

His growth is slow and sometimes subtle, but you can see how much he had changed just by looking at him: the way he moves, his tone of voice, his eyes (that are very expressive most of the time, it's like they could speak for themselves), little details that can bet missed, but are very dear to me.

He has been paralyzed by the fear, he has been happy to be considered a friend, he lost himself to the pain and anger, he cried for sadness and happiness, and he learned to love with all himself.

And he did all this in his own way. He made those emotions really his own.

[loveofdetail]

Let's talk about Gale's sex scenes

I love the astral sex scene and it means so much to me, and I have some problems with the way I've seen it talked about.

I should start by saying this post is not intended to critique anybody's personal preferences. The license to do Whatever The Fuck in an rpg is sacrosanct and there are no wrong choices. But I’ve also seen people imply that the astral scene is not “real” sex, or that Gale romancers “deserved more.” I hope I do not have to explain why that's kinda fucked.

Additionally, I think it is a saddening misread to call the astral scene “performative” in contrast to the bed scene (which gets correspondingly framed as “showing Gale that you want the real him.”) But doing a grandiose magical gesture IS the real him!

I know I'm not alone in viewing Gale as autistic; for me the astral sex scene is a big contributor to that. For one thing, it resonates with the concept of having unusual sensory wants. For another, it reads to me as Gale opening up and showing his passion for magic to the PC in a way he’s never been able to with another mortal before. What neurodivergent person has not had someone view their passion as too weird or too over the top? Have you ever been at a level of enthusiasm that wraps back around into seeming “performative” to others? Ever wanted to show a loved one something that matters to you, but worried they’d never understand—or, worse, they’d actively cringe?

In the astral sex scene, Gale shows the PC how much he loves the Weave (which is not the same as loving Mystra), and the PC does not cringe.

If all the glowing merging translucent bodies, the nebulae, the multiplying limbs, the spinning, the trippiness, the celestial music—if all these trappings made you, the player, cringe: there is nothing wrong with that. But I do think it is a misread to say that the bed version constitutes “helping him heal from his trauma.”

Maybe I have a hair-trigger for anything that implies “becoming more sexually normative = character growth.” Or “vanilla sex = a more intimate connection.” But they are just such tiresome concepts.

I understand that some of the dialogue in the game also suggests that idea, but all that dialogue is coming from the PC. What Gale says is that having bodily sex is “a small gesture toward your comfort.” This has been widely glossed over, imo.

Ultimately the two versions of this scene fulfill two different narrative functions: the bed version is to show the player that Gale will set these wants aside for you should you ask him to. But the astral version is there to show the player who HE is and what HE wants. And I think it is sad to write off this beautiful, lovingly crafted, unique and creative approach to a sex scene as merely something “performative” that he only does because Mystra made him think he had to.

“Stay with me now. There are endless worlds out there. Countless ways to declare love. Infinite ways to express it. Too much for one night... but we shall try.” I've admittedly got a ways to go in the game, but so far this is my single favorite line of dialogue. I genuinely don't understand how people can hear this line, the way it’s acted, and think it's just for show. He knows he's about to get weird but he longingly, vulnerably asks you to stay there in his weirdness with him.

Many writers, when they are writing something kinda out there, have doubts of the form Who is this even for? If the astral scene just isn’t for you I don't have beef with that. But the people who saw the astral sex scene and went "Oh, my god, now THIS is FOR ME"—are perhaps people who only very rarely get to watch a sex scene and have that reaction.

I'm glad Baldur's Gate brought something this beautiful to this particular table and I think it deserves consideration as a serious element of Gale’s characterization.

[floralembarrassment]

What do I do? (1/1) (jegulus)

"Could you- umm would you stay with me?" James asks.

It's not the request that throws him off but the hesitancy. It's James' feeble mumbling and dejected tone, like he is asking with the final ounce of hope knowing he is going to get rejected anyway. But he asks all the same because, for the same reason Regulus is surprised, confidence runs in the marrow of James' bones.

Of course, in the shock, Regulus' only reply is a set of eyes that blink, a blank expression, and dopey "what?" that falls from his lips.

"Nevermind," James mutters and he turns away, swinging his feet back over the edge of the astronomy tower and wrapping his arms around the rails looking out over the grounds and up at the sky.

And because Regulus is tied to James by an astral string, his movements pull Regulus back into action. "No no no," Regulus rushes to say and his feet carry him across the tower floor before his own will could freeze him further.

When Regulus puts a hand on James' shoulder to steady himself as he sits down beside him, Regulus finally whispers: "Of course I'll stay, James."

James doesn't move, doesn't say anything, he just breathes. He doesn't push Regulus away when he grabs James' hands, though. Instead he holds onto Regulus tighter, like if he wasn't clinging to him Regulus might simply slip away.

"I'll stay a long as you need me," Regulus whispers as James lays his head on Regulus' shoulder.

"It's just been a long day? Week? Year honestly..." James whispers. Regulus breathes that in and James continues, "I just don't know how to tell anyone that I can't take it anymore, but I know they have worse problems than me and I just- I..."

Regulus' heart breaks when he hears James words. He is always taking care of everyone, putting others and their needs before his own. Letting the pain be a competition, one where he hasn't reached a level of evil high enough to say he deserves help.

And Regulus loves him so much that he can't stand it. He squeezes James' hand. "It's okay to put yourself first, James," Regulus says softly.

"But they need me," James whimpers.

"They need you to take care of yourself too, James. If you want to have enough to give you need to take care of you too. No one's needs are more important than anyone else's," Regulus explains. It's not what James wants to hear but it is what he needs to hear.

"You just told me you can't take this anymore. So, okay you don't. You can still be you and there for your friends but you need to do it in a different way. That's okay, that's growth, and that actually will help you be there for your people," Regulus says.

He's right, of course. And James knows it. Shows that he hears him by finally letting the tears fall onto Regulus' shoulder as James turns his head to cry there. Regulus takes his free hand and wraps James in his arm as best he can.

They stay like that for a long while, though James' tears subside as the sun sinks behind the mountains in the distance. Hours pass until they are both getting cold and tired and decide it's time to call it a night. But before they do, James speaks again.

Golden brown eyes meet soothing grey, when James asks: "how do I do this?"

Regulus smiles softly, and runs a hand over James' hair. "One day at a time, a little bit here and there. Start with the small stuff and you listen to your heart. It'll tell you what it needs, you just have to hear it out." Regulus says, and James nods.

"And you're not alone," Regulus adds when James keeps looking at him.

Together they get up to go, Regulus' final words hanging in between them like a commitment and an adventure for James to begin.

Now, if only Regulus could take his own advice, too.

[tomatocages]

sdgjkal idk if this is the type of meta you'd want to write but I admire so much how knowledgeable you are about GROWING STUFF and about BAKING and I love the fandom's penchant for giving Shiro post-war hobbies to keep the PTSD goblins at bay so like, aside from strictly building headcanon situations i would love to hear your thoughts on his hobbies as META, like, thematically speaking, what will heal, how does he approach it, how does it relate to creativity and growth !!!!!!!!!!

I have been ruminating on this a lot and I hope my answer is something that actually answers your question! it's at the very least the start of a conversation. I give Shiro the same hobbies that I have, in many ways - fiber arts and baking and gardening - because these are the things that I use to hold on to living in a physical world, sometimes by the skin of my teeth. by my fingernails. It's hard to have a body and to be a person, and I always have the haunting sense that Shiro struggles with that in the wake of the war: in the wake of being a prisoner, who had to fight to survive; in the wake of having died and been caught inside the astral plane, becoming a ghost to himself and to others. I don't actually relate to Shiro very much, which is funny because in many ways I think I have a similar approach to responsibility that his character demonstrates (slightly resentful, but determined to do as good a job as he can, given the circumstances, even if that job is sometimes done poorly). The reason I grow a garden, or knit, or bake croissants, is because going through the motions is ultimately convincing to me. I am convinced that this action holds weight. The hat I knit for someone is a commitment I have made to keep them warm, the quilt I sewed when my nephew was born as a way of saying that I wanted to welcome him into a world that was more terrifying than not. These things take the burden of living off my shoulders and grant me some small measure of satisfaction, and I hope that in my writing I'm able to convey that Shiro is open to and deserving of this kind of satisfaction. That he is willing to put in the work that will help him survive and thrive. It's not a sense of ambition, exactly - I get the sense that pre-Kerberos, Shiro was very ambitious and somewhat idealistic - but it's a a kind of hope that has to be held in gritted teeth. Sometimes those teeth are gritted in a smile, sometimes not. But it's the process that matters. It's notable too that even if these hobbies are considered creative, they still have a quality of repetition and practicality; it's following a pattern. Directions for being a human person. Soup is either very creative or very boring, but either way, you'll be fed. Part of this too is my resentful, core belief that I am here on this earth and I should help other people while I walk up and down in it! And sometimes the only way to do that is to make someone dinner. I think that having some small kind of saving-the-world task to fall back on, after being a DEFENDER OF THE UNIVERSE, after being a champion of a gladiatorial arena, after being a star student in a quasi-military space program, would be a relief. Domestic work feels meaningful to me because it is the scaffolding of everyday life. (I'm not going to go into the religious baggage that I have from my upbringing here because it is too much, but I think these things are important even though for many years I was told domestic labor was the only gift I had to offer. And it was not a gift I wanted to give.) Still. There's something comforting about making something new out of very insignificant parts. I want that little bit of comfort to be present in Shiro's postwar hobbies, because I want all of the paladins to have that mundane experience of grace. Of waking up and getting on with things, not because the universe is at war, but because -- I don't know. You love someone so you're going to knit them a hat. And they're alive to wear it.

[shifuto]

359/365

this is vent art.. kind of

about healing, loss, grief.. about outgrowing through self-growth.. about silence and indifference.. about detachment.. about power, too, and control.. so many things I could speak for days

2023 was a really tough year for me, as these usually go, but there were also wonderful things (of which I'm very grateful about), and the most important one would be, definitely, my self-esteem. I worked hard to get here, I'm glad it finally paid off. I have absolutely no regrets despite all the pain and issues. I feel like I can carry this momentum onto the next year as well, and keep on going in this journey to be able to withstand the pain and thrive, eventually

you know.. I can see a lot of these 3 in me, and a lot of me in them, too

Yuma has a childlike naivety that I feel I have lost. At first, it might seem like that's a bad thing but, to me, it was part of growing up emotionally. To be able to let go, to be able to honor my own wishes. There's no place in my life for that anymore, thankfully

taking Astral into account, my attention shifted to Ryoga, naturally. Ryoga is riddled with conflict and so much pain. It's such a striking contrast to Yuma's life. Of course, my brain latched onto him not only from a place of identifying with his plight, but also by trying to resolve it

Astral feels like a blank slate, always did, at least until now. The way I used to view Astral and the way I do now are completely different, so much that I cannot, comfortably, see him together with Yuma (despite them being halves of one another). The way I see Astral now has a lot to do with autonomy and full fledged personhood - before, he existed in this "incomplete" space and for him to be "whole", he needed someone else. Now, I can say I'm really happy the show ended as it did, with them both separated

Yuma and Astral's relationship is something akin to soulmates (and they quite literally fuse together to become Zexal). That is fine but the whole "inescapable fate" aspect of it really bothers me now - and that definitely has copious amounts of me projecting onto them. They didn't have a choice and I feel like it was especially challenging to Astral considering his own life was tied to Yuma's Numbers. There was nothing he could do but to stand by his side. It's even more insidious when you know Yuma's dad was the one that set him up. But again, they're two halves of what used to be Astral. There's not much about escaping fate with that, unfortunately

an Astral that is whole and his own person can make his own choices and find his own paths, freely. He can walk away, and stay away, and I really like that this was exactly how he left

Yuma's life have not changed much - it circles back to the start of the show - and the only thing that changes is Astral's absence. So Yuma is in this state of longing and uncertainty and I can sympathize with him but.. the way Astral deals with it is amazing: he's moving forward, he's fighting, and he is growing. All on his own, by his own choice, too

I'm not going to get into Astral/Ryoga too much (since I have talked about this a lot already), but with them, I can truly explore the idea of "soulmates are made", of how love takes work, of how they process and grieve loss and heartbreak, of how they exist as whole individuals with flaws and struggles and are able to build a connection from scratch, of how they work towards bettering themselves for their own sake and for each other's too, and so on... I could talk about this forever

[everlastiingiimmortals]

"Andreas, how far do you think that sea is?"

A girl, barely more than a few years stands before him as she so often did. Voice light, with an abundance of wonder that most her age perhaps should have grown out of and yet the dream like quality never fails to be childlike. There are so many things she could pursue, the love she has to oceans and tides of there homeworld is undeniable and the need to know more is always there. Many take the path beneath the shore as their chosen field of science, one would have believed this girl would have sought it too.

That is, if she had never looked upwards while her feet remained planted firmly in shore, the waters lapping against her knees and the skirt of her dress. Like she did now this night, like the many nights before him. "I've calculated, measured each in every unit we have to offer and yet I stand no closer fo the true answer I'm looking for."

So many questions lie on her tongue yet when she turns there exists no anger nor frustration in her eyes. Haloed by the light of the lunar celestial, Himeko Murata shines like a dream in her endless wonder and the joy it brings her within this murky vision reproduced by the sleeping mind.

Perhaps the knowledge of who had accepted the invitation is a source of his nostalgia for a girl that he saw fade in her own selfishborne madness?

Unprompted. Always accepting! | @chasersglow

You of all people needn't have me tell you the answer to your question.

The comment remains unspoken, left to leave Andreas' lungs in nothing but a silent and wordless exhale as he stands and watches her, knee-deep in the sea kissing the shore, from where he stands on drier sands.

The ocean is calm. Andreas' eyes turn up to where he can see -- not much farther above the horizon, past Himeko's head -- the moon, casting a silver path on the remarkably still sea. It turns her red hair silver, too. It turns her into something else.

He knows the sea she's standing in is not the sea she is asking about.

When she turns to him, he sighs, not quite fondness, not quite exasperation.

"Himeko, you are asking the wrong question."

The words come as easily as his approach, sand shifting beneath his feet and slipping into his sandals with every step until his toes touch water, then his ankles, shins, until he is standing beside her, the sea soaking into his pants.

"You will never find the answer you seek here. Surely someone of our capacity would know that by now."

He studies her, maroon and yellow boring into golden irises. His own face stares back at him, a reflection in her eyes. He huffs.

"Turn around."

Grabbing her shoulders, he spins her back around, angling her chin up -- not at the moon, but above it, so that she is looking once more towards the stars.

"Your question, Himeko, is not how far the astral sea is. I know it. You know it." It is 'how do I get there? How do I get to the ends of the universe from where we are?' "If you don't start asking the real question within your mind, you will only find the same non-answer over and over again. Try again, and maybe I can offer my assistance."

---

There is silence in his studio. The passing of years do not show in the impeccable cleanliness of his workspace, aside from the debris of his latest work, half finished. Rather, it shows in the growth of the countless statues that fill his space, more elaborate, more refined, more alive. He spins the chisel in his hand, staring at the face emerging from the stone.

"...Strange..." he murmurs absently. A hand rises up to brush the cool marble cheek he'd refined to lifelike smoothness, coming away with fine dust. "Even in my sculptures of you, you only look up towards the stars."

---

When they meet again, it is loud. Loud, bright, too many different sounds and colors and flashing lights and smells mingling around. He is taller now, shoulders broader, eyes sharper. The deep blue suit of his is pressed to perfection, gilded embroidery winding down his shoulders and back. It is only out of courtesy that he is here without his alabaster headpiece, enduring the laughter of drunken and wayward fools chasing dreams and delusions.

His eyes only fall upon her by chance. A lesser man might have found her unrecognizable from the girl he once knew, but to him, there was no mistaking her, dressed in a pure white gown that shone. It doesn't take him long to approach her, despite the deliberate slowness of his every step. He realizes, then, how much time has passed since their eyes last met. How much they've both changed. He stares into her eyes, the piercing inner rings of his irises unchanging even with the darkness and flashing lights of the ballroom. His reflection does not stare back, replaced after all these years by stars.

Millions and millions of stars, as if those golden eyes were a window into the very universe itself.

"Have you found what you've been looking for," he murmurs,

"...Himeko?"

[cosmicellis]

YOU...Astral Senpai ambassador. Do da character ask right now this instant

Yes, homie! What I love about them: At first Astral was just a nice eye-candy for me. I love his eyes the most (I think animators did too). He expressed so much by just staring. I was at one point fascinated by Astral being so different even compared to other people in Astral world. I do dig the fact, that even though you spent a lot of time with him in a show, but he's still left mysterious. Like, he's an embasador, but his powers are quite something else. He's cold and calculative and very smrt. I do like smart people, they fascinate me with big smart words, I guess. His character growth is pretty nice and I do like that he knows how to pull certain strings. Be that in the begginig with opposite game or at the end. A big brain move, in my opinion, knowing that Yuma seemed tired of dueling and in no way would agreed to another one. So yeah, I WILL ERASE BARIAN WORLD, so lets duel. He left him with no room for a "no". Is it mean? Hell yeah. But that's a part of him being a calculative smart ass. What I hate about them: Honestly, the inconsistency of "the number bestowed a knowledge to him about human world" stuff. It felt a bit random. I know its canonical, but it's just personal pet-peeve Favorite Moment/Quote: *Slaps entire Zexal anime* From the sub: -What does Astral says about it? -I think Yuma is an idiot What I would like to see more focus on: On Astral's past, honestly. I know he was mostly emotionless weapon, but I would love to know more what he was doing. He was not only aware about helf of numbers being on Earth, but also piece of him missing. Would it affect him? What was that part of him originally? A number? Like there is so much I would like to know And uncover mystery about his eyes. Is his eye white because yuma is missing? Like a canonical YES or NUH What I would like to see less focus on: Eh, hard to answer. I do like him interracting with other people (Shark and Kite) even confronting Barians is interesting. He barely spoken to Yuma's frineds and I would kept it that way. That bunch is worst thing in whole ass anime and don't want to even look at Ghost boi Favorite pairing with: Mhhhhhh. Hurd to answer too, mostly because I ship him with several people for different reason. I do like me old classic Keyshipping, cause it's a dumbass with a smartass. yuma seems like the fire in the relationship - brining the warmth, the outgoing energy. The elemnt of physical love and affection. While Astral is cool, chill the movie night kind of mood. He would be the one to calm down the tired partner and bring them a blanket And taintedshipping, because of evil and... not evil pairing. the opposites? Because Astral is ambiguous being and more of a "following rules' kind of ghost. I can see Mist starting shit and Astral would had to deal with that. Yet they both enjoy this still. Mist would appreciate his back cowered and Astral would just love the "lively" attitude and being on edge, A thrill that he misses. I do like my ship too c: Favorite friendship: Also with Yuma. Their interraction about "takoyaki" will forever stay as BEST represantation of how my two last braincells interract XD And they do give out an impression of having fun together. They do genuinely care. NOTP: The random ones. Because this fandom slaps people together even if makes no sense. I guess one of them is Tori and Astral. Mostly because it just makes no sense to me. They spoken ONCE. Favorite headcanon: Astral is a ethereal robot\weapon. Obviously he's not a human and he's not of a human's soul origin. He was made for a specific thing. So he's learning AI kinda deal, only in a form of a higher state of... soul thing. That's probably why chaos is deadly to him - because he never was a human to house one.

[r-a-m-s]

Ok so this post isn't 100% related to just RAMS and the storyline but I think it fits better here than my main.

I am OBSESSED with this little group I'm calling the superfreaks. They are so silly and I am writing a lil thing for them!! (reblog if you want a lil snip of it :D)

basically, theres 5 of them

THE COPYCAT - Felix! He can copy other peoples powers for 10 minutes at a time, and he can do multiple at once! The only downside is that he is more easily burnt out and overworked because of his constant inexperience with these new powers, meaning he doesn't know how to use them as well, so he has to be careful or he overloads.

THE STOPWATCH - Danny! Danny can freeze time when he holds his breath! I don't know as much about his powers as a whole BUT he's very silly and he has a crush on Kasey.

THE SPARKLER - Kasey! He/they pronouns. Kale's younger sibling. They have hard light projection powers, but usually he just sparkles and glows! Crush on Danny.

THE PHANTOM - Benji! He's dead (LIB things) and can fly, as well as has ghosty powers. Think Danny Phantom, but arguably cooler. Astral Projection, all that shit. He's so cool :holds him:

and last but not least,

THE MEDIC - Alfie! Healing powers. Cannot raise the dead though, it goes wrong every time. Healing powers work on anything living, including plants. He later learns he can manipulate plant growth as well.

if you have ANY questions, lemme know! i love these silly bois (gender neutral) and all that they can do.

[cyberdragoninfinity]

Could we get lil guy Flip Turner for the character ask meme?

FLIPPP ok this'll be the last one of these I'll do for now; i love chattering about characters but i did like 20 so far and my brain's turning a bit to soup HDFHGDSF honored you guys wanna hear my ygo thoughts so much!!

First impression

Impression now: god i fucking love Flip. I said this when I was talking about Lester but i LOVE when a yugioh character is just a tiny bastard. a Little Fucker of all time. I like that he got CHARACTER GROWTH?!? he is really just part of the friend group from like episode 5 onwards and it's awesome. I love that he's just a fuckign dweeb who's like "im nice now I don't cheat or scheme anymore" and then something happens and hes immediately like "3am back for more cheats and schemes" and this happens like 4 times. he died and went to hell. he got better. the dub really just named him Flip Turner. s-tier.

Favorite moment: WHEN HE BUILT THE LITTLE MEMORIAL FOR ASTRAL I WAS FUCKING FLOORED. SLASH POS. he really cares a lot about his little friend group Astral included and it's sooo sweet ;__; this kid was GRIEVING!!!!

Idea for a story: Flip agrees to help moderate Cathy's Warrior Cats RP forum but the power immediately goes to his head and he starts swinging the ban hammer down on anyone who annoys him. Antics ensue.

Unpopular opinion: I LIKE HIM. HE'S FUNNY. HIS DESIGN IS VERY VERY SILLYGOOD.

Favorite relationship: really just his place within Yuma's little friend circle is so sweet...feels very real to the Middle School Experience. I hung out with a lot of Flips when i was 13 beheheheh. Also I specifically like his dynamic with Caswell....dweebs who are probably dating.

Favorite headcanon: HMM TRYIN TO THINK IF I HAVE ANY FLIP HEADCANONS YET I feel like he chronically cheats at any game he places, not just duel monsters. If he was on Neopets he would be running like 4 accounts to cheat the stock market and rank up Neopoints to wire over to his main. He'd like Kacheeks.

[number-1-kuaidul-fanboy]

Yugioh Main Protagonists Ranked

(No Yuudias because Go Rush isn’t complete at the time of writing this and I’m not even caught up on what is out.)

You get a veteran's pass to this blog if you know who I put at number 1 before I even start this list. Because spoilers it hasn't changed at all. And it probably never will. The rest of this list though? It was tight. The middle three are so interchangeable for me I just had to just go with my gut without overthinking it. This first one however was not difficult:

7 Yusei Fudo

While the dub did make me like him more, I'm still not that big on Yusei. His dub added sassiness is entertaining and I even relate to his habit of pushing people away and wanting to do everything on his own. But as a protagonist, he's really plain. He wins every time (outside of a flashback) so his duelling isn't interesting to watch and he just doesn't have any substantial character growth. He’s a completely static character which might be okay for a side character but not for the main character.

6 Yugi Moto

/Atem I guess? Atem gets more screen time and is the one who's duelling 90% of the time, let's be real. That's a problem and all but honestly the switching between and dynamic of Yugi and Atem is enough to put them above Yusei. They lose a lot more than him, making their duelling more interesting and both of them grow over the course of the series. It's fairly basic but still nice, nothing wrong with simple sweet development. Also Yugi himself made a pretty decent protagonist in DSOD, I like how his grief over Atem is explored.

5 Yuma Tsukumo

…yeah this was a really tight list. I love these top five so much that Yuma just ended up here due to stiff competition. Yuma took what Yugi and Atem did and perfected it with his bond with Astral that's more focused on and more well developed as we see exactly how they met and every step in their journey as they become closer and help each other grow as people. It's sweet as hell. Also yes Yuma could be annoying towards the beginning of the show but most of his "stupidity" was coming out of wanting to help his friends so he came off as more of a “caring dumb” most of the time. Plus first impressions, while important, shouldn't define a character (or a person for that matter) and he becomes a much better character and duellist overtime.

4 Yuga Ohdo

I think Yuga is the most unique take on a YGO protagonist. He's not the greatest duellist, he actually loses quite a lot and that majorly raises the stakes of the duels (a point that also applies to Yuma, though I feel they stopped letting him lose after part one ended but it’s still good). Because it's made clear he can lose at any point and there are consequences for those losses. Not life threatening consequences but still. Consequences that can hurt him, rush duels, and/or his friends and that made the show so unpredictable and interesting to watch for the very first time. But Yuga's not a pushover either. He's still a strong duellist who gets up after each loss and for gosh sake he invented Rush Duels. I like having a protagonist who's special not because of his duelling or friendships for once, I think that's really neat.

3 Yuya Sakaki

Fun fact: Yuya was the main thing that pushed me to watch Arc V before 5Ds and man did he not disappoint. He is an endearing silly bean who just wants to make everyone around him smile with his entertainment duelling and it was so very sweet and wholesome- OH GOD WHY IS HE A DEMON?! Yeah, Yuya's an interesting protagonist. He's the main hero but also simultaneously the main villain, or at least one fourth of a villain and man was that interesting as hell. Yuya himself is also the perfect summation of Arc V's main themes if that makes sense, since the show is all about how stopping to be kind/share a smile can go a long way and Yuya’s whole goal is to spread smiles.

2 Yusaku Fujiki

I’ll admit, these top two are really personal characters for me. (Yusaku was straight up a part of my wake up call to getting a handle on my mental health.) I relate to Yusaku immensely, even though, to my knowledge, I don’t have PTSD. His more serious stern attitude also fits the more dark serious feel of VRAINS and most importantly, he isn’t completely without personality or character development. From almost the very beginning, he has Ai, an upbeat little bean who is completely opposite to him in personality, to play off of and over the course of the show, Yusaku gradually learns to open up to others easily but his flaws of secretiveness and distancing himself from others remain. And that just felt very real to me. I like how he isn’t just all better one day, it’s a process and the bad things that happened to him shaped him when he was young, but that pain doesn’t have to define him and by the end, it doesn’t. He lets go of his desire for revenge and more easily expresses his emotions/attachments and it’s nice goddammit.

1 Judai Yuki

Yeah, I’ll never change. Take everything I said about Yusaku having a realistic/relatable reaction to a traumatic event, add multiple traumatic events and an adorably sweet personality and you have Judai. I love his upbeat personality at the beginning of the series, he’s arrogant and a bit air-headed but in a way I found really charming. Then the show started hurting him… and hurting him more… and while he mostly retained his cheerfulness and seemingly came back swinging in seasons 1 and 2, there was a gradual shift in his personality which took centre stage in season 3. His determination to save Johan becomes his downfall and after seemingly losing the rest of his friends, it completely destroys him. He endures constant traumatic events and pressure from everyone around him and it changes him and breaks him like it would a real person. Makes me so glad that Judai was able to come back from it. During the highly underwatched and underrated season four, he gets space from all the pressure that was put on him and is able to regain his love of duelling and in a way, his childhood. Not so much childhood innocence, but he’s able to have the heart of a child while still being an adult mentally. I just, oh my gosh I love Judai so much.

[sunnisurrealism]

Back to society 💅🏻 hi Timmy in case you’re just seeing this now I made a big post about how I looked up the tracking number and the mail hasn’t arrived :( please read below. I spammed a bunch of selfies to compensate for deficiencies in German cream, but I know it’s not the real shit 😞😔 the post also shares some of recent feelings of growth from my hiatus, and I really want to share with you I’m feeling much better and feel in my heart I’ve closed our last chapter 😊 I feel you kissing and licking me all over and it gives me immense comfort, though still being quite an overwhelming feeling! I want to share I don’t want to create unnecessary problems anymore, and I want our love to be simple and trusting. I love you so much and I always look forward to seeing you in the astral realm and my dreams!

[bubonickitten]

Who’s your favourite character in the magnus archives?

Ooooh that's a tough one. Probably sounds like a cop-out but I genuinely found things to like about all of the main cast?? One of the things I latch onto the most is character development, and they all had some really amazing journeys in that way.

My favorites to write and analyze in depth are Jon and Martin, so I might say they're my favorites...?

[TMA spoilers below the cut]

Like, Jon's ADHD ass is first of all very relatable but more than anything I love the GROWTH he goes through?? This man went through so much trauma and faced such unimaginable cruelty and he STILL never stopped caring. He hurt people, yeah -- p much everyone in the podcast does at one point or another -- but he acknowledged it when he did, and even when it would've been easy to just... give in and be monstrous, to just say "fuck it" and live up to the expectations everyone had of him, he made a concerted effort to do better, even when no one acknowledged his progress, even when no one was willing to support him or encourage him or believe he was worth saving.

And I can never say enough about Martin's diehard "so what if the universe doesn't care, that just means we have to pick up the slack" stance towards nihilism. It's not even toxic positivity, it's fully "yeah shit's fucked, the heat death of the universe is inevitable, but I'll STILL fight Jon's shitty self-esteem AND all fourteen, possibly fifteen cosmic evils on the hill of Our Experiences Matter, and the entire time I will be delightfully bitchy about it, no I do not take constructive criticism', who wants to go first?"

Of course I also love Georgie and Melanie and everything about WTGFs. And Gerry, my beloved. And, god, I love Tim and Sasha (I thrive on S1 before-shit-hit-the-fan archives crew content!! and everyone lives/nobody dies AUs, and literally anything involving reconciliation btwn Jon and Tim).

And Basira -- as much as I'd get mad at her sometimes, her words and actions always made sense to me within the context of her characterization and situation, and I love how she and Jon are sort of on the same wavelength re: dark humor and being incorrigible nerds. (I'm having a lot of fun writing them in my current time travel AU, because given the time to heal and the space to actually communicate, I feel they could be friends. Not outwardly affectionate per se, but like... idk, their platonic love language would probably be something like picking apart the flawed methodology of a shitty study and half-jokingly writing a scathing letter to the editor about how wrong the authors are until Daisy gets bored of being the third wheel and demands they all play Mario Kart or something.)

And I'm obsessed with Jon and Daisy' weird post-Buried friendship and just... they were literally the only two people in the Archives who really understood the struggle to resist feeding their respective patrons, but they also didn't make excuses for each other, and -- I genuinely loved the confirmation that Jon never actually forgave her and didn't sugarcoat her past actions. They probably never would have become friends under any normal circumstances, but given what they had to work with, they built something based on mutual support and accountability and a refusal to engage in the sort of denial that the people around them occasionally did.

In terms of side characters, I still maintain that if Adelard Dekkar knew Jonah's plans from the start he would've astrally projected himself into Elias' office and strangled him to death with his own tie, pseudo-immortality be damned. Replace every Chuck Norris joke ever written with Adelard Dekkar, I s2g.

I also must give an honorable mention to our second ever statement giver, the trope-subverting MVP of "I Am Not LOOKING, I Do Not See It", the king of NOT fucking around and finding out, our gentleman of perpetual staying in his own lane: Joshua Gillespie, gold medal winner of NOT being the first to die in a horror story. What a legend.

aaa I'm rambling. Basically there's a lot to love, both in an 'I am fond of this character's delightful quirks' way and in a 'wow this is good character development from a writing perspective' way.

[evebestt]

Hiya! Since I really adored what you did with my last request I was wondering if I could send through another prompt for a Farah dowling x female reader where Farah and Queen Luna have this sort of unspoken but very clear competition for readers heart and when Farah sees what she thinks to be queen Luna inching towards the finish line she gets envious/cold but really Farah had readers heart all along❤️

Thank you so much by the way. I really appreciate what you do. Sending peace and love and happiness your way xx.

Hi there! Sorry this took a bit, I rewrote it a couple of times. But I love the prompt! I hope you enjoy 🖤

Send me an ask or a message to request a fic. Search my blog for "prompts" to see lists of prompt ideas.

A/N: honestly unless explicitly stated, just assume that in all my fics, the season one ending that we don't talk about didn't happen. Farah's not even napping, she's still alive and awake and being her wonderful self.

To Find Your Truth

Since the Alfean battle with the Burned Ones, Solaria had indeed dispatched a troop of soldiers to be permanently stationed at the school. Between that and the continual growth of Alfea, it soon became clear that a new position would be needed to coordinate the Alfean and Royal schedules. You had been hired in that position, working as a liaison between Farah and Luna, meaning that you worked very closely with the both of them. You’d been a little overwhelmed by your work at first, working not just with the Headmistress of a powerful school and the Queen of the entire realm, but with two of the most powerful fairies – if not the two most powerful fairies in the realm – but Farah and Luna had both made you feel comfortable in your work.

The women were very different. Farah was quiet and calm, her power cool and still under her pristine surface – but undeniably there. Luna, however, was like a fire, sharp and calculating, her power exuding from her and filling every room she entered, even if it was superficially masked in sweet pastels and warm light. You liked them both, despite the differences, and whatever rumors you heard about them.

And they liked you too. Farah often offered you sweet smiles that she didn’t give to everyone, and your meetings with her would sometimes drift into personal conversation, especially if you had them over lunch together. Luna too made her affection for you known, soft touches on your arm that lingered just a moment longer than a friendly touch would, or heartfelt remarks on how she’d never be able to function without you, all of which never failed to make you blush.

You weren’t quite sure when it became a competition between the two of them. It might have happened the day when Luna astral projected into your office, interrupting a lunch meeting with Farah that had gone long with conversation. You’d both been laughing with Luna’s form had appeared, Farah’s eyes bright with affection as she gazed at you fondly, and although you’d both become entirely professional when Luna appeared, you knew she’d seen the way you looked at each other just as clearly as you’d seen the possessive gleam in her eye.

Though your meeting with Luna after that had gone smoothly, as well as all of your other meetings, you could sense that tension in both of the women, like they both had something to prove.

Or more likely, you realized, like they were both trying to win your heart.

Luna became even more bold with her gentle touches, even going so far as to lay a hand on your cheek one night, smiling softly before she retreated and wished you goodnight, offering you a room in the castle if you didn’t want to make the trip back to Alfea. Even Farah, as composed as she was, was more forward in her advances, eyes flicking to your lips when she paid you compliments, or when you rolled your neck to try and ease a headache, she would merely reach out and touch two fingers to your temple, the pain melting away in seconds.

You could admit that you liked the advances of both of them women, feeling as though you could preen under their attentions. Not only did you have Farah — a legendary fairy in her own right — showing you affection, but the Queen of Solaria as well, making you feel like the star of a period piece, your two handsome, wealthy suitors courting you in their attempts to win your hand. You were content with the flirting and the fantasies of both women, not thinking much about where relationships with either of them would go in fear of complicating things. But one afternoon in your office at Alfea, you realized you’d have to decide just where your heart lay.

Instead of her normal astral projecting, Luna had come to your office in person, needing to update her calendar for you and reconcile her schedule with Farah’s and find time for their combined meetings.

“My quarterly inspection of the troop’s preparations here at Alfea needs to happen in the next couple of weeks — hopefully those can drop to biannual next year — Farah will need to be present for that. It will take an afternoon, when can I make that happen?”

You flipped through the large planner on your desk, Farah’s meetings written in blue, Luna’s in red. “Both you and Ms. Dowling have a free afternoon in two weeks on a Friday — though you have an event that night, ma’am, that you’ll have to—”

“Please,” Luna interrupted with a smile, “how many times have I told you to call me Luna?”

You smiled back. “Too many to count… Luna.” It still felt odd to use the Queen’s given name, but her self satisfied smile as she sat back in her chair did make the odd feeling worth it.

“Good,” she praised. “Now, that’s the Benefactor’s Gala, correct? I’ll only need to make a short appearance and give a speech towards the end, so I’ll have plenty of time to dress. Though—” she came around your desk to study the planner herself, standing so close that you could smell her sweet perfume, “that lunch meeting may run long.” She dropped to her elbows on your desk, hips, clad in a dusky rose pencil skirt, cocked in a tantalizing fashion near your head, and you had to fix your eyes pointedly on your planner. “What about this Wednesday here?”

You went back and forth for a while, pencilling in various events. You couldn’t help but let out a sigh as you wrote the last one, feeling your back ache with the strain of both the work and of feigning nonchalance with Luna’s body so near to yours.

Luna seemed to feel the same, straightening to roll her shoulders, but then surprised you by perching on the arm of your chair, somehow looking effortlessly graceful as she crossed her legs, leaving her balanced on the toe of one of her stilettos. “A queen’s work is never done, hm?”

You laughed softly, not letting your eyes linger on the smooth expanse of her legs. “You wouldn’t be a very good Queen if it was.”

Luna laughed too, rich and smooth, and she looked down at you for a long moment before reaching out and tracing the line of your jaw with one finger. “Lucky I have you, then. To help keep me a good Queen.”

You felt yourself blush, jaw tingling where Luna had touched you. You felt your eyes drift to her lips unconsciously, tracing the smooth, sharp lines. Those lips curved into a smirk, and you blushed further, eyes snapping up to meet Luna’s again, who’s glinted with mirth. She traced the line of your jaw again, slower this time, her hand coming to cup your cheek as her eyes flicked over your features, staring as though she was memorizing you.

Lighting zipped in your stomach when you thought you saw Luna lean towards you, just an inch, but your breath caught, eyes flicking to her lips again as she stroked your cheekbone with her thumb.

A clearing of a throat came from the doorway making you spring back, back hitting the arm of your chair. You blushed even further, your cheeks on fire as you tried to get as far away from Luna as possible, who for her part kept her composure, still perched comfortably on the arm of your chair as she stared at Farah in challenge.

“Farah,” you said, trying to pretend Luna wasn’t there, which was difficult considering where she sat. “I’m sorry, I-I didn’t realize we had a meeting today.”

“We didn’t,” Farah said smoothly, still staring cooly at Luna. Her gaze shifted to you then, still cold, and you felt your stomach drop. “I thought I’d stop by to see if you were still here. But if you’re otherwise occupied…” she trailed off, looking at Luna again, and your blush which had started to recede came back in full force, feeling like a student she was disciplining.

“No worries, Farah,” Luna said brightly, looking smug as she stood from her perch. “I should be going anyway.” She turned to you then, giving you a radiant smile. “Thank you for all of your help, dear. You are truly a blessing.” She gave you a wink and then headed for the door, passing closer to Farah than was strictly necessary, and you thought Farah’s hackles would have raised if she had any.

A horribly awkward silence fell over the two of you, and you picked at the edge of your desk, unable to meet Farah’s eyes. She cleared her throat again and you then met her eyes, fighting what felt like the permanent blush in your cheeks.

“I’m sorry for interrupting,” Farah said softly.

“No, no, it wasn’t interrupting,” you insisted, still feeling like you’d done something wrong, but why? There wasn’t anything owed between you, but still you felt like you’d been caught. “Is there, ah, something I can help you with?”

Farah opened her mouth like she was going to speak, but then closed it, smiling at you. It was a warmer smile than before, but it still didn’t reach her eyes, and you felt your stomach drop again. “No, it was nothing. Have a good night.”

And she turned and left, leaving you alone and still blushing.

Why did you feel so horrible? It was a little embarrassing to be caught nearly kissing the Queen in your office with the door open, but the waves of shame and regret rolling through you seemed unwarranted. You and Luna were both adults, as was Farah, and each was entitled to their fun.

Deep down you knew why, and the longer you thought about it, the more sure you were. Flirting with Luna was fun, sure, but with Farah it was something more. With Farah, it was a beginning, the promise of something more, a calling from somewhere in your soul that told you there was something there, something that could be beautiful if you both just took a chance.

You were in love with Farah Dowling. You’d been a fool to not see it for so long, but now that you did it was undeniable, and you couldn’t bear not to tell her, for her to think a moment longer that you didn’t feel for her the way she must feel for you.

It was late now, and after finding her office empty you headed towards Farah’s cottage, not wanting to wait until the morning to find her. As you waited at her door, you thought about what you’d say, rehearsed several confessions, but when the door opened and Farah stood there, hair loosely braided and face bare of makeup, all words left your head.

“Can I come in?” you asked after a long moment, and Farah nodded, stepping aside.

You were both silent again, Farah obviously waiting for you to start as she moved around you into the living room.

“I, uh, wanted to apologize for… earlier,” you started hesitantly, unsure how receptive Farah would be.

“There’s nothing to apologize for. You and Luna are… close. You shouldn’t have to hide that.”

Her words were kind, but Farah held something back, something in her eyes that belied more hurt than she let on. Sorrow pulled at your chest, and you had to clench your fists to keep from going to her to comfort.

“No, that wouldn’t be something to hide, but I meant that… I just wanted to clarify— and what I wanted to apologize for—“ Hell with it, nothing sounded right but the truth. “I’m in love with you,” you blurted, and Farah’s head popped up, staring at you in surprise.

“I love you,” you continued, “and I need you to know that, because what I’m really trying to apologize for is that it took me nearly kissing Luna to realize it myself. I think my heart has always belonged to you, Farah, and I’m sorry that I played this game for so long when I could have been with you.”

You stopped, taking a deep breath and studying Farah. She looked at you cautiously but otherwise unreadable, and for a moment you thought you’d misread her attraction to you, utterly destroying whatever friendly relationship you had.

And then she smiled. Slowly, but it was a real one, and it lit up her eyes so that you couldn’t help but smile yourself.

“I—“ Farah started, and then trailed off, still smiling. And then, deciding better of words, she closed the gap between you in three steps, took you into her arms, and kissed you.

Luna’s touch had been thrilling, exciting, but Farah’s touch, oh, Farah’s touch felt like coming home. You leaned into her, gripping her waist to keep yourself upright as you melted into the kiss, feeling her warm and soft underneath you. Your head swam with dizzying happiness, feeling like a puzzle whose last piece had just clicked into place — full and complete and radiantly beautiful. You could nearly feel Farah pulsing with the same happiness as she kissed you, making a small noise against your mouth, to which you sighed and opened your mouth to her, tasting her sweet and tender on your tongue.

You stayed close when the kiss ended, Farah running her hands lightly up and down your back, sending pleasant shivers down your spine. “I can’t tell you how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

You smiled, feeling as though you might overflow with happiness, and bumped your nose with hers. “Me too. Even if it took me a while to realize how deeply I felt, I always knew I wanted to kiss you.”

Farah smiled again and then gripped your hips, pulling you closer to her. “I thought, when I saw you and Luna, that I’d waited too long to make the depth of my feelings known. I’m sorry for how brisk I was earlier.”

You shook your head, leaning your forehead against Farah’s. “Thank you. Though I can’t blame you. I don’t know how I would have reacted, in your position, though I know I wouldn’t have liked it.”

“It was certainly a shock,” Farah said, and then huffed out a laugh, pulling your hips closer to her. “I’d been coming to ask you to dinner tonight. Not just as colleagues, but as… friends. Maybe something more. Then seeing you together, I… jealous is too weak a word to describe what I felt.” She shook her head then like she tried to banish the thought, and squeezed your hips gently. “I’m glad you’re here.”

She said it simply enough, but the weight behind her words had you wrapping your arms around her neck. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be, and no one else I’d rather be with. I mean that.”

Farah let out a soft, contented sigh, and gently cupped your cheeks before kissing you again, filling you with light and love, speaking just as clearly with her kiss as though she’d spoken it in your mind.

I love you, too.

[jackalman18]

Fjord’s backstory.

I find Fjord’s character arc and backstory absolutely fascinating. Fjord in the beginning of the campaign was in a desperate search of identity, having lost the life he cherished to someone that he knew from childhood and in the process losing the only love he’s felt in his life as well.

In his search for identity Fjord sought to understand the magic powers he gained from Uk'otoa, a search that Fjord all but gave up on after Molly’s death. Now in turn he sought to find his lost mentor and understand Uk'otoa at his source, but again failed terribly in this endeavors. And now Fjord has all but given up on his search for Vandran until recently.

From our understanding of things that transpired, Fjord could have tied up his entire backtory during the Pirate Arc, but the Mighty Nein’s foolishness and attacking Avantika on Darktow made this not possible. The Sabian plot thread would have most certainly been resolved then, although Fjord completely missing the fact that Vandran could have been shipwrecked was on him.

While having a really big arc tied to his backstory, Fjord found no closure from that entire arc, which in turn forced him to find growth and maturity to self reflection within his own self. Fjord’s tied his identity to other people, whether it be positive or negative, which made Fjord a really immature character. But this all changed the fateful day Fjord asked Jester to contact Vandran.

In seeing that Vandran had found peace and wasn’t looking for him, albeit not for the reason he thought, Fjord was forced to confront why he could do the same thing. Find peace in his choices and in who he was, and Jester’s importance in this is quite understated by the fandom, and while I won’t delve to much into this I will expand a bit.

Jester since she has met Fjord has reinforced all the things that Fjord thinks poorly about him self positively. This in large part is what Fjord found so odd about Jester and he romantic advances, he thought it to put plainly bullshit, but it also helped him reconcile a lot of his internal misgivings about himself.

So for Fjord in thinking that Vandran hadn’t thought Fjord to be that important and that he needed to throw away a lot of what he had taught him, released himself from the bonds of Uk'otoa and embraced his true identity, a powerless man with a soft English accent.

But in embracing this he found power in who he truly was, and the Wildmother’s word to him have always rung out to me.  

‘’You have been lost, caught in a dark current, an undertow. These depths seed you with an alien wound, too deep to heal, and leave your mind a torrent. Fear, love, pursuit for self-worth. You found my gaze through chance, through deed. Through company. These waters are your home, and always have been.’’

Now what I find interesting is that unlike a lot of backstories, Fjord if they survive Lucien and the Astral Sea, will be undertaking the final part of his backstory almost fully matured and ready to deal with all that comes with it.

[samwisethewitch]

Pagan Paths: Feri

Feri (sometimes spelled Faery) is an American neopagan tradition. Like Traditional Wicca, Feri is an initiatory tradition but does not place any limitations on who can be initiated. Although the requirement for initiation makes this religion less easily accessible, Feri has had a huge influence on modern neopaganism, including influencing other (non-initiatory) traditions like Reclaiming. For that reason, I think it’s important that we discuss Feri as part of our ongoing exploration of modern paganism.

This post is not meant to be a complete introduction to Feri. Instead, my goal here is to give you a taste of what Feri practitioners believe and do, so you can decide for yourself if further research would be worth your time. In that spirit, I provide book recommendations at the end of this post.

History and Background

Feri was founded by Victor Anderson and his wife, Cora, in the United States in the 1960s. Like Gerald Gardner, Victor Anderson claimed not to have created his tradition, but to have been initiated into it and then later added to it. In Anderson’s case, he claimed to have been initiated into witchcraft by a faery when he was nine years old.

The Andersons called Feri “the Pictish Tradition” and claimed that it was originally the Craft of the “Little People” in Ireland and Scotland. Victor Anderson was also influenced by Vodou and Hawaiian indigenous spirituality, although his connections to these traditions (both of which are closed) is unclear. Some modern Feri practitioners have made efforts to distance their practice from these elements appropriated from closed cultures, but Feri remains a very eclectic tradition that encourages initiates to “use what works.” Because of this, no two Feri practices are exactly alike.

There is another, more mythologized account of the birth of Feri, shared by author and Feri warlock Storm Faerywolf in his book Betwixt & Between. (In this book, Faerywolf uses the spelling “Faery,” but he is a member of the tradition founded by the Andersons.) In this myth, a group of powerful spiritual beings known as the Watchers rebelled against a false god millennia ago and taught magic to mankind. These Watchers are the fae, and they intermarried with humans and are the origin of all magic traditions. As the story goes, it was one of these Watchers who initiated Victor Anderson into what would later become known as Feri.

Because Feri traces its origin back to these spiritual ancestors, initiation is an important part of the tradition. When someone is initiated, they are said to be made a part of this Feri lineage, similar to how newly baptized Christians are said to be made a part of Christ’s family. This means that, in order to truly practice Feri, you must find a Feri teacher to train and initiate you.

Over the decades since the Andersons founded their tradition, many different lineages of Feri have formed, each with their own unique approach. Some are more visible and more involved with the public, while others practice under strict secrecy. Many of the practices and beliefs that are common in modern Feri come from the Bloodrose lineage.

Core Beliefs and Values

In the words of Cora Anderson, “the Craft is about doing right by one another and loving everyone you see.” However, Feri does not have a universal moral code — there is no Feri equivalent to the Wiccan Rede. While love and kindness are highly valued, the Andersons did not differentiate between light and dark magic and encouraged their followers to use magic to defend themselves when necessary. (You may have noticed that, like in Wicca, magic is an integral part of Feri.)

The Feri Tradition teaches that every person has three souls, each with its own characteristics, strengths, and weaknesses. These souls have different names in different lineages, but Faerywolf identifies them as the talker (the “mental soul” associated with the ego/personality), the fetch (the “animal soul” associated with the subconscious and the primal mind), and the holy daemon or god soul (the part of the self that comes directly from God Herself and is able to commune with gods and spirits as equals). Much of the work of Feri revolves around aligning these three souls into a fully realized whole.

Another important part of Feri philosophy is embodied by the symbols of the Iron and Pearl Pentacles.

Iron is a grounding metal, and contemplating the Iron Pentacle keeps practitioners grounded in their astral travel. Feri initiates not only invoke the Iron Pentacle, but seek to embody it by moving through each point on the pentacle and addressing any blocks or hangups in the associated area of their lives. The five points are sex, pride, self, power, and passion. When all five of these points are in balance, we are able to confidently and effectively work our magic in the world. For example, we should not be afraid of sex, but we shouldn’t be obsessed with it either; we should take pride in our accomplishments, but shouldn’t be too full of ourselves; you get the idea. An initiate who fully embodies the Iron Pentacle is fully centered in their own divine power, as well as their physical body.

The Pearl Pentacle is the compliment to the Iron Pentacle. While the Iron Pentacle is personal, the Pearl Pentacle is transpersonal — it represents the qualities needed to form healthy relationships with others. Some Feri practitioners believe that each point on the Pearl Pentacle represents the “higher form” of one of the points of the Iron Pentacle. In the words of Victor Anderson, “when taken together, the Iron and the Pearl embody the divine union that is necessary to fully awaken the awareness of our divine natures.”

The points of the Pearl Pentacle are: love (defined as a genuine desire for union; can be said to be the higher form of sex), law (as in, the natural laws that govern our universe and our actions; can be said to be the higher form of pride), knowledge (learning from lived experience; can be said to be the higher form of self), power (also a point on the Iron Pentacle — here, it refers to our ability to share power with others), and wisdom (the balance between logic and emotion, head and heart; can be said to be the higher form of passion). The way these points are taught, and their relationship to the Iron Pentacle, may be different in different Feri lineages.

Feri practitioners believe that, by embodying the Iron and Pearl Pentacles, they can achieve a state known as the Black Heart of Innocence, which is defined as “sexual innocence.” It can also be thought of as the innocent, untainted state of small children and animals. This is the natural state of human beings, before we are conditioned to be ashamed or afraid of our sexual impulses.

This brings us to a final point of Feri philosophy: in Feri sex is sacred, as it was through a sexual act that God Herself created the universe. As Faerywolf puts it, “sex is a sacrament in our tradition.” That doesn’t mean that all Feri rituals have a sexual component, but some of them might. Mostly, the sacredness of sex requires Feri practitioners to live in a healthy relationship with their nature as sexual beings.

Important Deities and Spirits

The central deity in Feri is called Star Goddess or simply God Herself. She is the androgynous source of all life, “having within Her all principles, powers, and potencies of Nature.” (Quote from The Heart of the Initiate by Victor and Cora Andersons.) Star Goddess is not only the source of the others Gods, but the source of all life, including humans.

According to the Feri creation myth, in the beginning, Star Goddess was alone in the cosmic void, until she came upon a reflection of her own light. She was so enamored that she made love to her own reflection, and from this act of self-pleasure gave birth to all things.

Star Goddess often appears as a black-skinned woman whose skin is dotted with stars. In ritual, she is often represented with a large black candle.

Nimüe is an aspect of Star Goddess, a maiden who represents the Black Heart of Innocence. She rules over new life, growth, and potential.

Nimüe may appear as a child or a young woman. She can be represented in ritual with flowers (especially pink or white flowers) or with a waxing crescent moon.

Mari is the Great Mother, Star Goddess as the embodiment of pure manifestation. She is associated with the earth, moon, sea, and sky — it is she who gives life and form to all things. The earth is said to be her body, and she is said to be “the spirit of every woman.”

Mari may appear a a pregnant woman. She can be represented in ritual with images of the earth, the moon, or of mothers.

The Hag, also known as the Crone, is the primal Dark Goddess and Queen of the Dead. She is the archetypal witch, but also a grandmother and wise woman. Some believe that it is to her we return when we die.

The Hag often appears as a wizened old woman. She can be represented in ritual with images of ravens and/or vultures, or with a silver sickle.

Star Goddess has two children and consorts, the Divine Twins. They are the personification of duality — light and dark, good and evil, spirit and matter, united in a balanced pair. They may appear as brother and sister, as two lovers of any combination of genders, or as mortal enemies.

The Twins may appear as the Scarlet Serpent and the Azure Dove, who represent the duality of fire/water and earth/air. In ritual, they are often represented with a matching set of candles, one red and one blue.

The Blue God, sometimes called the Peacock God, is born from the union of the Divine Twins — he contains within himself all duality and appears with a combination of male and female features. He is associated with the divine spark within all living things, including one of the three human souls, which Faerywolf calls the holy daemon. He is the god of opposites, and exists in a permanent liminal state. He contains within him both good and evil, beauty and darkness.

The Blue God may appear as a young, androgynous or hermaphroditic person with blue skin. In ritual, he is often represented with peacock feathers.

Krom, also known as the Horned God, is the god of fertility, light, and heat. He is sometimes described as the consort of the Goddess as Mari. He is God as father and lover and is overtly sexual in nature. He has solar associations, but is also the lord of the harvest.

Krom may appear as a man with the head of a stag, glowing with the sun’s warmth. He can be represented in ritual with images of stags, bulls, phalluses, or the sun.

The Arddu (pronounced “ar-THEE”) or the Dark God is described as the “crone aspect of the God.” He is the god of witches, the king of the dead, and the spirit of winter. It is said that when we die, we must confront the Arddu before we can return to the Hag.

The Arddu often appears as an old, androgynous man, with the head and legs of a goat and the wings of a bat. He can be represented in ritual with images of skulls and bones.

Deity in Feri is complex and fluid. All of the goddesses can be said to be different aspects of one Goddess, and all of the gods can be said to be different aspects of one God. Furthermore, all of the deities, both gods and goddesses, can be said to be extensions of Star Goddess. Victor Anderson believed that everything is connected and that the Gods exist within the Universe and the individual. As he said, “God is self, and self is God, and God is a person like myself.”

In addition to the deities, there are also spirits called Watchers and Guardians who play an important role in Feri. The Watchers are mysterious celestial entities, said to be the fathers of magic. Guardians are spirits associated with the elements, who are called on to guard the circle during ritual. Some Feri practitioners believe that the Guardians are Watchers, while others see them as two distinct groups of spirits.

Feri Practice

As stated earlier, much of the work of Feri involves embodying the Iron and Pearl Pentacle in order to return to the Black Heart of Innocence. This is done through ritual, meditation, ecstatic trance, art, energy work, and/or magic.

Feri is an ecstatic tradition, which means many of its rituals and practices revolve around achieving an ecstatic state. Ecstasy is sometimes defined as the state of being completely absorbed in the focus of your attention, and other times as the removal of the consciousness from normal functioning. In Feri, ecstasy is used as a tool for spiritual growth.

Astral travel also plays a role in Feri practice. A Feri practitioner may use trance states to leave their body and enter the spirit realm, where they can encounter the gods, Watchers, faeries, and other spirits firsthand. In some traditions, this travel forms the backbone of the practice.

Art and creative expression are other tools used for spiritual growth in Feri. Visual art and poetry in particular are often used to express spiritual concepts or to help the initiate process what they have learned. Victor Anderson was a known poet and published a collection of devotional poetry called Thorns of the Blood Rose — many later Feri practitioners have followed in his footsteps.

Feri is considered a magic tradition as well as a religion, and many Feri practitioners consider themselves witches or warlocks. Magic is seen as a way of directing the universal life energy that makes up all things, and is a natural extension of our divine power as each of us is a part of Star Goddess.

Like Wiccan rituals, Feri rituals sometimes begin with casting a circle and calling the quarters. However, Feri uses different language and gestures for the circle casting, with a greater focus on the earth and the circle as an extension of the Goddess’s body. While in Wicca, the circle is used for every ritual, in Feri it may only be used for some rites.

Further Reading

If you are interested in Feri, I recommend reading the book Betwixt & Between by Storm Faerywolf. This is an excellent introduction to the tradition, written by the founder of the BlueRose lineage. You may also be interested in reading the works of Victor and Cora Anderson — though Feri has changed a lot since it was founded, the Andersons’ teachings still lie at the core of the tradition.

Because Feri is an initiatory tradition, you can only go so far on study alone. Eventually, you will have to find a teacher to train and initiate you. Without this initiation, what you are doing is not, and cannot be, Feri. Thankfully, it is becoming ever easier to find online training, so you can walk the Feri path no matter where you live. The BlueRose lineage, which was founded by Storm Faerywolf, offers online training and initiation through The Mystic Dream Academy. Some other Feri teachers also have online offerings — look around on social media to see who is currently accepting students.

If you choose not to pursue initiation, you can still incorporate elements of Feri lore and philosophy into your practice, as long as you acknowledge that what you are doing is no longer Feri. In fact, many elements of Feri survive in other, related traditions such as Reclaiming, which we’ll discuss in the next installment of this series.

Resources:

The Heart of the Initiate by Victor and Cora Anderson

The Spiral Dance by Starhawk

Betwixt & Between by Storm Faerywolf

The official Feri Tradition website (feritradition.com)

[meraki-kintsukuroi]

a star is dying, but the universe won't let it.

(or alternatively: you're burning out like a dying star but these hands that have loved you even long before will never let you go, even if it means getting burnt along.)

tags/warnings: hurt/comfort, light angst, soft fluff, references to depression and to the pandemic, and maybe probably a bit of child abuse it doesn't happen though its just mentioned, implied long-distance relationship, space, morbid, and colour metaphors, discussions about death and dying, shit writing and word vomit (bc im rusty as hell).

pairings : kindaichi yuutaro/reader (gn! reader & ambiguous relationship bc ytf not)

wc : 1, 755

a/n: dedicated to @haru-senji for being in the same situation as I and to all the other people who are as well, hang in there you guys, love you and please stay safe <3.

"Hey 'tarou are you up...?", Yuutarou hears you call out to him in the dark, breaking the silence in the night with your voice faint and small, almost lost against the loud howling wind of the dim sky.

He shifts, twisting his body to where you are, and in the dark--despite of it all--reaches for you when you don't pull or push him away and squeezes the hand you let him hold.

(Intimacy between skin has always been a line you jump in and out of and yuutaro wonders if there ever could be a day where he can hold you without you flinching or shrinking away, and without him saying that its okay despite the hurt in his heart or the deep open scars in yours.)

"Mm, yeah..?", he asks, voice a deep low rasp from the silence that had long been stretching between you, "What is it?"

There is a pregnant pause before you speak. It stretches long and wide much like the ones before and he can't help but be reminded of sea and the sky and he thinks that even in the vastness of it all with you besides him, your backs against the grass of some far away place, underneath all the darkness and twinkling nights, and far away from all uninvited eyes. He thinks that if you were to say anything here and now he would keep it lock in his chest until the day he died.

(Because happiness is limited in a world that is almost at its limit, only holding on to whatever thin silver lining there was to just not fall into the void of nothingness and cease to exist.)

"Do you know how a star is born?",

The ex-volleyball captain blinks once and then twice, and thinks of a grand king who he had served for three long years, of a boy turned king-enemy, to a friend that he had found once lost, of a gymnasium so big that it had to be the whole universe with how many stars, planets, and other celestial bodies there had been, but no matter how much he had thought of it, those astral objects that he had thought of was only at their prime and not at their beginning.

(Those people, those upperclassmen, those players, those rivals, his teammates, had been and always been stars--the moon, the sun, the planet--his universe.

He wonders how proud, those who have seen them at their very beginning feel? To see the rock with no fuel burn with utmost energy along with others who are just as bright as them.)

"No, I don't.", He says, a quiet thing and hears you hum, before feeling you twist and turn before finally settling again, not once letting his hand go as you did so.

(He does not comment on how closer you are to him now, afraid you'd pull away and distance yourself from him again.)

"How about when they die?", you ask him instead, and across the vast meadow he hears the crickets chirping this season's song "Do you know how they die?"

Yuutaro closes his eyes, and thinks of an explosion, of bright colours and a supernova exploding in the expanse of space, of the destruction that follows the grief that comes along with the loss of something as bright as a star.

He thinks of the king-prince-boy and how he had exploded into nothing but colours of red, black, and blue of the grand king who had burst out crying hues of green, grey, and teal, of a dark black empty gym with no bright light or palette in sight.

"They, uh, collapse i think...?" He says trailing off, trying to rack his left part of the brain of the lessons he hadn't slept in science class, "Yeah they do--And then they, they, uh... explode into supernovas? Yeah they explode into supernovas." He finishes unhappy but accepting all the same.

It's not like he was as blunt but smooth with his words just like his best-friend, not sweet like honey, or rough but straight to the point. He was still an awkward, tongue tied, and still fumbling idiot even after all this time. Even when he had hit a growth spurt or even after hitting a major milestone in his life, He was still the tall awkward boy people know who had just grown into an adults body to fit an adult's clothes.

You hum again, and he feels you inching closer, but not close enough to hold you the way he wants to--needs to--

(He pushes the greed--the fear of loosing you--letting go of you away. He can't, does not, will never be selfish, he can't allow it, not when he knows all too well what happens to you and the people around you, suffer through all too well.)

"Do you think we'll go out like that?", you ask him again, voice almost like a child afraid, "Like a supernova exploding in colours?"

He feels you shift again, and this time he thinks you're much closer to him than before and he thinks that you might be facing him this time too, he doesn't know it's too dark to see (but even so, even so, even so please come closer so I can hold you so--)

"Or do you think, we'll go out like a daisy crushed by the one who's supposed to take care of it?"

And something about that question, something about the way you say those words, makes his heart scream and mind twist in agony.

Because he thinks of the world, and how its marching to an unknown point and how much its scaring people. Thinks of you and your home that's only getting so much colder with each day passing. Thinks of himself and how he's just like a ghost wandering with a lover that's slowly collapsing--dying underneath the weight, of the pain of it all, that's too much for them to bear and not being able to do anything about it because-- "the only person who can save you is yourself, and you know that better than anyone else Yuutaro." His mother had once said.

And he knows, he knows, he knows, he goddamn knows, that things are getting worse for you--for him-and for everyone else, but he will fight God and his angels if it meant at least being able to carry some of the burden you had to carry all because the people who was suppose to do it but couldn't so you had to learn how to carry it all by yourself even after all this time.

Because Yuutaro with all his awkwardness and flaws had never been alone.

You however, have been painfully all by your lonesome.

And you meant to him that much to say the least.

"I don't know really." he murmurs truthfully, and squeezes your hand as an I'm sorry that i can't help you lift your pain that I was years too late to even try to do so and now you're hurting so much that you're almost at you're breaking point, and even if you don't know why or what, he still tries to.

Because he was just a ghost with no body or home wandering around this world, trying his darn best to find himself again for a lover that's slowly collapsing and loosing the brightness that they once were.

"Lots of people die in many ways you know?", He says not having one single clue about what's he saying but continues on because happiness is a fickle thing and is it selfish of him to hold your hand and keep you safe from the monsters that was supposed to love you for a bit much longer?

"We're not stars or flowers or anything,", He says with a finality he didn't know he had.

"We're people and we die when we die.", he goes on to say, and he thinks of an accident on the news, a tragedy in a script, and a genocide written on the history books, and thinks that for all the fire and hydrogen or whatever that makes up a star, planet, comet, or whatever. They were all still painfully human even on their last moments.

That they'd all bleed, cry, turn ugly, and at the end of it all die in more ways than one, because humanity is a fickle thing and they were no different.

That he was still human despite being a ghost of he once was, that you were still human even if you were a rotting corpse murdered by the monsters that were your own flesh and blood by the burdens and self-projections that they always had.

That the tyrant he had hated so much was just a boy underneath all the gore, grime, and blood, and that the grand king he had served underneath all the gold and silver and bronze was just human too.

They all were.

"But what if someone wants to go already and the people around them don't want them to...?" He hears you mutter softly, and he squeezes your hand again replying.

"Then don't.", He mutters tiredly just as much you are to the world, the monsters, and at yourself, "Live."

"Do you think we'll ever...", you trail off, and he knows from your tone that you must be struggling with what words to say so he squeezes your hand again because this is the only way you'll let him show his love for you other than his presence (because you're so, so, so scared and he is too, for you and for him as well.)

"Live again?"

Because he's a ghost of a star cluster once formed and you're a rotting corpse of a white dwarf floating in space with no way or direction to what home once was.

"I don't know really.." He says again, and crosses the gap between you deciding fuck it and presses his forehead against yours pushing on as he goes on, "But we'll cross the bridge when we get there all right?"

You don't pull away nor you push him away, instead you tense before relaxing again, and this time instead of him you're the one who squeezes his hand instead.

"Yeah we'll cross the bridge when we get there."

And in the dark--despite the dark, he thinks that maybe you're smiling in what it seems for a long while now, and he thinks that maybe, maybe he is too.

(And when morning comes maybe you both start trying to live again.)