#I love blackouts but it’s frustrating when I can’t do stuff

[i-may-be-an-emu]

blackout timeeee

[moljh]

Unbelievable / Steve Harrington x Reader

Part 2

Summary - Y/N Hargrove, the twin sister of Billy Hargrove. People liked to make their assumptions, whisper and point as you went past, but they didn’t know what happened behind closed doors. The slamming doors, raised voices and poorly hidden bruises. Hawkins was meant to be different, somehow a new start from your old life left behind in California. That’s when the headaches started, the nightmares that felt so real, the unexplainable events and blackouts.

*trigger warning - mentions of abuse*

fluff, slowburn, flashbacks, etc.

part 1

Edited: currently unedited

Monday, June 1 1985

You had moved through the past two days in a trance-like state. Each time you lowered you eyelids that things flashed before you, reaching out. Pain killers weren't subsiding the throbbing of your head, so you had just given up trying to relieve the pain at this point. You didn't dare mention what you had seen to anyone, convinced that you'd be committed if you even attempted to explain what you had seen.

Grabbing the crumpled green vest you had thrown on the floor several days prior, you threw it into your bag and proceeded to prepare yourself for a mind-numbing day of work. Closing your bedroom door behind you, you heard the creak of floorboards and low voices. Curiously following the noise, you came across the strange sight of Billy's bedroom door wide open revealing the feral state within.

"Ahem" you obnoxiously uttered at the two teenage girls that guiltily emerged from your brothers bathroom. Both of them shared a quick panicked look and glanced back at you.

"What the hell are you two doing in here?" you questioned, not really caring about the answer they were likely to concoct "Max you know Billy would lose his shit if he found out you were in his room"

"Um..." your sister began to stammer "we were just looking for a tape of mine, yeah, think Billy took it and I was just checking..." she trailed off, clearly uncertain in her lie

"Well just be careful, you don't know what type of disease you could catch in here" you commented glancing around at each contaminated surface of his room "and make sure he can't tell you were in here, he'll kill you and then me for letting you get away with it"

You turned and headed for the front door, once the girls nodded and left the bedroom. The past few days had been strange, you hadn't seen Billy much the past couple of days, but you knew in the off chance he decided to re-appear seeing Max rummaging through his room would not elicit the best response. He could be volatile in the best situation and people going through his stuff was definitely something he hated. He'd caught you once going through his drawers because you had thought one of your shirts had gotten mixed up with his in the washing and he'd practically ripped the door off its hinges at the sight. He would never lay a hand on you, though you'd often anticipated it in some of your arguments, but you were lucky enough that he still had some sort of love buried deep down for you and resented your father enough not to hit you.

Making the mindless routine drive to work, you tried to focus on the hum of your car engine and the music emitting form the radio.

Slumped over the front counter of the store, you stared into space and counted down the minutes until your shift was over. It had been a quiet day thankfully, which you were grateful for. Aside from the mindless usual Monday restocking from the weekend returns, little was needed of you which usually frustrated you but today if was a relief. The headache was still lingering and you were sick of the constant throb in your right temple. You weren't paying attention to the magazine open in front of you, just aimlessly flipping through the glossy pages filled with brightly coloured pictures and smiling models.

The high pitched bell pierced your ears, signalling the arrival of an unwelcomed customer. Glancing up you took note of the brand name clothing and muscular physique, sparking your interest. You hadn't seen him around before, meaning he was either visiting or very lost since Hawkins wasn't exactly a holiday destination during summer break.

"Hi" he smiled through his perfectly white teeth "I was just coming in here to see if you had a copy of Blade Runner but I wasn't expecting to run into someone as gorgeous as yourself"

"Unfortunately both our copies are still out at the moment but it there anything else I can help you with?" you drawled, gazing up into his deep hazel eyes and sun kissed skin

"Damn, guess I'll just have to settle for your name then" he winked, seemingly hoping the poor pick-up line would somehow work some form of 'magic' before daringly leaning in closer toward you

Grinning at him, you knew that he was bold enough to accept anything you offered and that's what you liked. You were bored and it was dangerous when you were bored, your standards were lowered and strangers you met all of 2 minutes ago began to seem like a viable option.

"My shift ends at five, come pick me up then"

"Sounds like a plan gorgeous" he smirked, pulling away from the desk and walking towards the door "can't wait"

He'd picked you up exactly at five, clearly the large watch adoring his wrist wasn't just for show. There had been minimal small-talk, he said something about looking after his aunt's house for the summer whilst she was away but you hadn't bothered to pay much attention to his words. His car was nice, much nicer than yours, the leather felt strange against your body and it somehow still seemed to retain that new car smell. As he drove further you took note of the distance he was putting between you and your usual suburb and going further into the other side of town. The houses seemed to get larger and the grass somehow also appeared greener.

You stepped out of the vehicle once you had pulled into the large driveway. Glancing up you marvelled at the architecture and sheer opulence of the house, you'd never known this place existed, though how could you, this road wasn't exactly somewhere you'd be seen usually. You were guided into the house and sure enough the interior was as impressive as the exterior. Placing your bag down on the beige couch next to you, you turned around and gave a small teasing smile to the man in front of you, he clearly knew exactly what he wanted by the look on his face and you had the exact same idea.

The bed squeaked in time with the sweating man on top of you. Thrusting into you he let out deep and laboured breaths, which you tried to accompany with the occasional half hearted moan to signal you were at least still alive. You weren't exactly doing much and hence he wasn't really doing much for you. The missionary style, sole thrusting action wasn't exactly what you would consider good sex. He began to slow down in the speed of his movements and then let out one final grunt, throwing his head back. He looked down at you with a satisfied smile and rolled off of you without a word and settled into the bed beside you.

Gazing up at the detailed ceiling, you began tracing the crown moulding; that was clearly original in a house of this grandeur, with your eyes. Tuning your focus from the detailing of the room you took note of the noises coming from outside. Thunder sounded out in the night, as the sharp crack of lighting accompanied it and brought heavy rains. Listening in on the wind gently tapping against the windows, you focussed on the constant persistent noise of rainfall on the roof. Shifting slightly, you took note of how soft the sheets wrapped around your naked body felt. The heat of the clammy July night air meant there was only a light layer of bedding providing modesty between you and the elements.

Beside you, you tuned into the soft slow breathing of Mark or Marcus or whatever his name was who'd fallen into a deep sleep following your sub-par sex. You hadn't been surprised when he couldn't follow through with the big pre-emptive foreplay he had presented to you. Guys like him often acted like they knew what they were doing and followed it up with a few grunts and splutters before rolling off of you. Settling into the bed you dozed off to the noises of the storm beyond the safe walls of the house.

"Try not to move"

You didn't remember getting up. You didn't remember anything but suddenly you were somewhere foreign and cold.

"Try not to move"

That's when you realised the voice wasn't speaking to you, it was coming just ahead in the distance. Going against all instinct, you slowly moved towards the voice, curiosity egging you to keep going. Stepping into the low light you focussed in on the four figures standing before you. In the dimly lit room you couldn't see who they were but the soft sounds of whimpering was all that could be heard. You could see that two of them were bound and crouching down on the cold, dirty concrete. Their mouths seemed to be moving but you weren't able to hear what they were saying for some reason.

Then from behind you there came a deep snarling and growling. It only grew in volume as you felt the ground quiver beneath you and you froze in terror. The darkness behind you moved closer and suddenly you could feel a hot, steaming breath on the back of your neck. You didn't dare move, merely praying whatever it was didn't touch you. Thudding past you the creature you had seen only nights before; now at least double in size, moved from the shadows. This time you could see it better in the low moonlight.

The creature was grotesque looking with six legs and a pointed sort of head. It's body resembled that of a spider in its shape but the legs spread out in the claw type things and it seemed to be made up of a type of slime and other hard objects. The sound it made as it moved made your stomach turn and your skin crawl. It was like a wet thudding, grinding and crunching with each movement.

As it edged closer to the pair on the ground, you could feel your hear pounding within your chest. You couldn't move or do anything as they appeared to be shouting out in distress at the sight of the awful monster, thing before them. Watching on, one of the creatures' arms burst forward and latched into one of them and then another to the individual beside them. It secured its claws around their faces for a moment and then their bodies fell limp. You watched in horror at the sight before you, thinking back to what you had felt the other night, assuming this must have been what you experienced. But you hadn't been tied up or brought here like the other people had, at least from what you could remember.

You let out a soft muffled cry as the bodies sprung back up into this rigid lifelessness. Suddenly the creature flung back around and looked right at you. It didn't have eyes, just an opening sort of mouth filled with hundreds of pointed teeth. You were paralysed with fear and confusion as it slowly moved towards you. It almost looked like it was prowling, nothing compared to the march it had done towards its other victims. Looking right at you, you didn't know what to do, your body wasn't letting you run, despite your mind screaming for you to flee. As it edged closer, one of the tentacle things projected forwards toward you and you let out a final scream.

Gasping for air you flung forward, frantically looking around your surroundings and running your hands over your body. You could feel your heart pounding within your chest and you quickly realised you were still in the same bed you had fallen asleep in. Slowing your breathing you ran your fingers over your body where that creature had reached out for you. Nothing. Your whole body didn't have a scratch on it.

A deep groan pulled you out of your hyper-fixation and brought you back to reality. Looking at the man passed out beside you, you pulled yourself from the strangers bed and collected you belonging scattered across the bedroom floor. You could see the soft light creeping through the draw curtains, conveying that the storm from the night prior had departed and morning had come. Getting dressed you pulled yourself together and began the walk of shame back to the store where you had stupidly left you car. Avoiding the judgemental looks of morning joggers and dog walkers, you gradually made your way past the manicured hedged and down the footpath. Their eyes didn't bother you, you didn't notice most of them. The whole time all you could think about where the dreams that were plaguing your sleep and what was going on.

[albumwalloffame]

Top 10 Worst Album Covers of 2022 - Part 1

Everyone’s doing their worst albums of 2022, why can’t I do a list about the worst album covers of 2022? If you weren’t around for last year, I did this list pretty much to riff on and have some fun with album covers that I thought were pretty bad, and I actually thought I’d be unable to do one again this year, but I pulled through, so here are the worst album covers of 2022.

#10. Scorpions - Rock Believer

Honestly, I’m mostly just putting this here because it’s a Scorpions album cover. The Scorpions are notorious for their weird, bizarre and gross album covers, and this one is actually rather tame by their standards. I mean, there’s no gross implications, no weird imagery, no... straight up illegal anything on this cover. I mean, it’s still absolutely silly, it’s the Scorpions’ “Blackout” cover by way of The Rolling Stones’ “Goats Head Soup” and it’s just silly. again, tame by the band’s standards, but still not a great cover.

#9. Editors - EBM

Okay straight up, this one is just my autistic ass getting frustrated here. The symbol in the middle is meant to be the “EBM”, and I get that, it’s just it looks more like “E3M”, and the one way to fix it would actually make it worse, because you would either be left with a very unsymmetrical image, or it would look like “8B∞” and that would... just be nonsense. I really do get what the artist was trying to do here, and I want to like this album cover, but... I’m way to autistic to be happy looking at this.

#8. Three Days Grace - Explosions

I have a rule when it comes to art for the masses, if it looks like something I would have drawn or liked when I was a miserable teenager reading creepypasta, it goes onto the worst pile. Broken hearts were one of my aesthetics as a teen, and a heart made out of fire would easily have been one of the coolest things at the time. Thankfully, I grew up, found actual hobbies and have come to realize that I was super unwell mentally and emotionally, so anything that I would have liked back then that I wouldn’t like now, immediately terrible.

#7. Black Dresses - Forget Your Own Face

This one joins in the ranks of Senses Fail’s “Let It Enfold You”, Shinedown’s “Us and Them” and Little Steven’s “Summer of Sorcery” where the album cover is almost good, almost really good, almost one of the best, but there is just one major flaw holding it back. Why did the artist choose this goopy, sticky looking material or effect to cover their faces? Why not just use a smudge tool and a butt-ton of Photoshop effects? Or if you wanted this clay look, why not just make the whole thing out of clay? Seeing two real people and then this obviously fake fleshy looking stuff is very uncanny valley. Bet the music is good though, I should get into this band.

#6. Black Midi - Hellfire

Though here’s a band I just can’t get into. Look, I’ve heard nothing but good things about Black Midi, I’m sure they’re a fantastic band. I’d love to give them a shot, but their album covers are so full of random crap, so overstimulating and just so unappealing that I just can’t. The point of an album cover is to draw people in, and Black Midi’s covers do the opposite for me. That being said, at this point, I’m almost positive it is just their style and aesthetic, so what can I really say? If this is the type of imagery they like, I can’t take that away from them, and I wouldn’t want to, I guess I’ll see them next time they release an album, and carry on.

Part 2 is coming up.

[burning-omen]

Mutations and pleasure headcanons

Characters: Kurt Wagner, Scott Summers, Warren Worthington III, Peter Maximoff

Warning ⚠️: N*fw

Kurt Wagner:

It’s not part of his mutation but it’s worth mentioning, he’s flexible. To the point that it might be unreasonable.

He can fold himself into so many goddamn position and he’s strong enough to hold them for however long he needs to

Anyways, he has 100% just disappeared durning sex.

One moment your railing him into the mattress the next the entire room is covered in blue smoke and Kurt is nowhere to be seen.

About 10 seconds later he’s back with an extremely flustered look in his face.

Before you could question him about where he went he told you he was going to bed. He climbed in next to you and faced the wall for the rest of the night

The next morning he practically begged you to forget that it happened but to also say away from Logan for a few days.

And that’s how you figured out where he landed.

Your avoidance didn’t last long because at some point the next day you ran into Logan, who just let out a long sigh before patting you on the shoulder and walking away.

A few days later Kurt’s over it, just a freak accident, right?

Nope, happened again the next time you had sex with him.

After this kept happening he, begrudgingly, went and asked for help from no other than Logan!

The conversation was basically “hey Logan you fuck a lot right? Can you help me with my sex-teleporting problem?”

And he did, pretty much told him he just needed to be more in the moment mentally so his body wouldn’t take him out of it physically. (whatever that fuck that mean)

After he re-figured out how to stop teleporting spontaneously he decided to use this to his advantage.

I would like to introduce you all to a concept that I like to call “teleportation as a form a teasing”

Intentional teasing wasn’t one of Kurt’s strong suits so he figured that it might help

The first time it happened you were not prepared at all.

You were watching tv, as one does, your mind wandering off as some show played.

Then BOOM

There’s Kurt, looking determined but you could see he was nervous.

Carefully he climbed into your lap, staring down at you for a moment then leaning down, pressing a quick kiss on your lips, he kept going, kissing you over and over again.

He grinds himself against your thigh, groaning softly as sped up. The fabric of his underwear somehow hits every nerve just right.

You watched him as you gently kissing his neck and the bit of exposed chest just above the collar of his shirt.

“You’re bold today, sweetheart.”

“I-i know.”

And just like that, he was gone. A cloud of blue smoke left behind.

You knew this was different from the other times he’d disappeared, then he’d been so absorbed in pleasure that he just POOFED away. This was different, you barely even started, you hardly even touched him and he was gone. And even if it was an accident, he told you he had that under control now.

You just hoped that he hadn’t lied to you.

A few minutes later you wandered into Kurt's room, watching him from the doorway as he frantically arranged and rearranged the things on his desk. A nervous habit of his.

He tries his hardest not to look over at you, focusing incredibly hard on all the stuff on his desk.

He refused to look up even when he heard you close and lock the door, or when you walked up behind him, pressing your body against his as you wrapped your arms around him.

“Kurt..”

“...”

“I know you can hear me sweetheart, you wanna tell me what happened earlier?”

“Nothing..”

“Really? Nothing? Didn’t feel like nothing..”

Feel a little bad for him, he doesn’t know how to tease correctly.

You’re going to have to make him admit to attempting to tease you through the ultimate means of fucking him into the mattress until he’s seeing stars.

Scott Summers:

And now, a list of things you couldn’t do with Scott before he got some semi-permanent glasses:

Roughly fuck his face, because if you did and you knocked his glasses off you’d, at the very, very least, have your entire dick cut off.

Fucking him too hard. Period. It sounds fun but who’s going to pay for the holes in the ceiling or continuously replace your mattress when giant holes are inevitably burned into him?

So if he doesn’t have some semi-permanent glasses by the time you two start having sex everything’s going to be extremely soft and gentle

But the moment he shows you the new glasses it’s over for him.

He’s getting railed on/in/against everything you could think of, because you can do that now without bodily harm or thousands of dollars worth of property damage.

Have y’all been caught having sex in a place y’all shouldn’t be? Yes.

Do you give a flying fuck? No!

No Scott can’t do anything on his own the next day because moving hurts but hey, he had fun.

Warren Worthington III:

Hey Siri, define wing kink

For y’all’s that don’t know “Wing Kink is a related trope which often appears in wingfic (or in fanworks where a canonical character has wings), in which the character's wings are an erogenous zone and caressing them produces pleasurable feelings.” - the fanlore wiki

His wings, when you first started having sex with him, were completely off limits.

He made that undeniably clear to you.

Not because he didn’t like having them touched, but more because he didn’t think you’d like touching them.

All of that went straight out the window a few months later.

He was drunk, which had recently stopped being a normal occurrence for him. He tries to break out of his alcoholism, but it’s a slow and painful process. Instead of just outright stopping all at once he decided it would be better for him to just slow down. It works, he’s not drunk every minute of every day anymore so that’s better. He’ll drink on the weekends, and maybe take a shot before bed but other than that he won’t drink too much. But tonight he was drinking with Logan and in his attempts to keep up with him he’d ended up drunk out of his mind.

He cut himself off, he knew that if he drank more he’d blackout and he didn’t know what he’d do if he did.

So he stumbled all the way back to your room and tripped on literal air.

The sound of him hitting the floor woke you up.

Sitting up you saw Warren laying face down on the floor, giggling like a fool as he made multiple attempts to get up only to end up right back on the floor.

“Warren, it’s 3 in the morning, come lay down.”

You wanted to go over and pick him up. But you knew how he was about his wings and being touched in general.

After a few minutes of coaxing and encouraging him to get into bed he finally did.

Basically plopping down on top of you with a tired grin spread across his face

Burying his face in your chest, he closed his eyes.

After a few minutes you thought he was asleep, but you were proven wrong when he let out a long sigh and looked up at you.

“Fucking hold me..”

No, he doesn’t know how to ask for things nicely he’s a little bastard

You try and avoid his wings at first, gently draping your arms around his shoulders.

But that very quickly frustrated Warren, causing him to grab your arms and forces them around him and his wings.

Before you could try and say anything about it you could hear him snoring.

You sighed, deciding to deal with the breakage of limits could be talked about in the morning.

When you woke up Warren was already awake, still laying on your chest, just staring at you. His cheeks turned a light pinkish color when you looked down at him.

He wouldn’t say anything. He just stared at you for a solid 10 minutes before rolling over onto the other side of the bed.

He’s afraid that in his drunken state he’d made you uncomfortable, which led him to the never ending spiral of anxiety that made him say his wings were off limits in the first place.

Asking him what was wrong just led to him apologizing without actually saying what for.

Throughout the rest of the day he avoided the subject which made him ultimately avoid you.

You see? This is why you should talk to your partners, guys.

It took him awhile but he eventually said what he needed to say.

NOW ONTO THE SEXY BITS

Lightly running your finger through his lower feathers can be a way to get him in The Mood or to calm him down after a particularly rough sex (it helps with his sub drop)

This ones a bit more romantic but kiss his wings, especially the little part where they connect to his back.

He’ll melt, just straight up die on the spot because it’s just so nice and soft and feels so good.

Try not to be to rough with them, it hurts a fuck ton.

His wings are still off limits in certain aspects.

No using them to overstimulate him, he doesn’t like it. No pulling on his feathers, it hurts in the Not Good way.

But do kiss, massage, pet, and run your fingers through them.

He was very nervous when he first let you touch them, unintentionally flinching away when you reached for them.

Run your hands through his feathers while he rides you, he won’t last very long if you do.

praise him and call them beautiful, it took him a long time for him to learn to love himself and his mutation and he needs to be reassured sometimes

STILL BE CAREFUL

HIS WINGS ARE PRECIOUS AND MORE PRONE TO BAD PAIN THAN ANY OTHER PART OF HIS BODY

Just be careful with him stg I love him so much

Peter Maximoff:

Zoom zoom bitch

He fast

He has the nicest ass because of how much he runs

He can and will grab you and take you back to his room if he’s feeling especially needy.

And then he’ll act extremely bratty despite the fact that he brought you there.

He vibrates.

Most of the time unintentionally.

It’s his version of shaking, so he definitely does it when he cums

“Peter, what the fuck are you doing?”

“Just...give me a moment..”

He’s gotten too eager before and fallen off the bed while trying to change position.

When I say this man gives the best blowjobs in the history of blowjobs I mean it

His tongue vibrates too. That added with the fact that he has no gag reflex AND no shame? Rip

Quickies, anywhere anytime.

Cameras can be covered in less than a second and he can have both of you looking relatively decent before anyone comes in.

You have to guide him while he rides/fucks himself onto you because he might hurt you or himself by going too fast.

He’s not aloud to use his speed when given sexual orders

Usually after being punished he’s much more shy and nervous.

Making him do things slowly only adds to that.

Make him get on his knees in front of you? Gone, he’s so blushy and embarrassed at just being in that position.

Make him strip and prep himself while you watch? Ceases to exist

Will beg and cry for you to let him speed up, but he’s just putting on a show.

Grinding against pillows or folded blankets with some kind of plug up his ass is his preferred method of masturbation because he can go as fast as he wants without worry.

He’s ripped holes in a few blankets and pillows and has very unsuccessfully hidden.

“So are we not going to talk about the hole in my brand new blank?”

“No we are not.”

[seasonofthewicth]

candlelit cabin

prompt: Pretend boyfriend/girlfriend for family Christmas party. I took this prompt and ran with it. rowaelin 4.5k

“Rowan, please. Hear me out.”

Aelin positions herself in the doorway to their kitchen with a hand to his chest, blocking his way so he’s forced to hear her out. The cotton of his worn t-shirt is soft against her fingertips and she longs to twist her fingers into the fabric and pull him close. 

Rowan rolls his eyes but brings his hand up to cover hers against his chest. “Go on.”

She grins. She’s known Rowan for long enough now, lived with him for a few years too, to know that she’s going to get her way. 

At first, the shared apartment had been frosty, with them both avoiding the shared spaces when they knew the other was in there. Aelin had moved in with him because she had known him through mutual friends from college, who had verified that he wasn’t a serial killer, and he had a spare room that she needed. 

Now, Rowan Whitethorn is quite possibly her favourite person on earth. 

“You know Aedion just got engaged.” Aelin presses her other hand to his chest, working the puppy-dog eyes to help her case. 

Rowan nods with his eyebrows raised, this isn’t news to him. The announcement card has been pinned to their fridge for a few weeks. “Yeah, so?”

“So, my parents are going to be on me all week about when I’m going to settle down, and in my opinion; it’s Christmas. I’m already bummed enough about being single, I don’t need them constantly bringing it up, but anyway, that’s where you come in.”

For as long as she can remember her parents have hosted Christmas in their cabin in the Staghorns. So much so that she can’t think of the holiday period without thinking of the wooden-walled cabin, with it’s rustic fireplaces and grounds full of pine trees. 

She can almost smell the mulled wine her mum cooks over the stove, the way her fingers would smell of orange for hours after chopping the fruit for her mum to throw in. Some of her best memories are from the cabin, and Lorcan can tease her all he wants, calling her a spoiled princess, but it’s not like she doesn’t know how lucky she is. 

It’s also not like he’s never made use of her generosity when it comes to his anniversaries with Elide. 

Rowan winces at her words and her natural response is to grin up at him where he cringes away, already knowing where she’s going. He can almost read her mind at this point. 

“Rowan Whitethorn, fake-boyfriend-extraordinaire.”

“Aelin, you know I’d do anything for you,” He starts, and Aelin’s heart takes off at the words. 

It’s a well established fact, for everyone apart from him, that she’s in love with her best friend. She’s dealing with it. 

Sharing an apartment with him makes it difficult to ignore how attractive she finds him, in his suit dressed for work and in his pyjamas on lazy Sunday nights. He always looks incredible. 

In the years she’s known him he’s only gotten better looking. From the lanky teenager she met in her first year of college Rowan has matured from a boy to a man. A man Aelin is very attracted to. 

She’s always acknowledged his attractiveness, but since moving into his apartment she has found herself more and more drawn to him. His voice, his smile, the way he makes her a coffee in the morning and leaves sweet treats on the counter for her from the bakery near his office. 

But he’s never hinted he wants anything more from her than friends. Again, she’s dealing with it. 

Rowan is still speaking, and it drags her out of her daze. “But I seriously doubt your parents would believe that I was your boyfriend that you hadn’t told them about.”

Rowan is wrong. So wrong. Evalin and Rhoe have made an endless number of comments about the two of them over the years. Her parents adore Rowan, almost as much as Aelin herself, and so far Aelin has managed to quell their hopes. Taking Rowan as her fake-boyfriend to the cabin is most definitely a bad idea, only adding fuel to her parents’ fire, but she’s desperate. 

“Ro, please.” She’s not above actually begging. She leans further into the hands pressed against his chest and she knows as he bites his lip she’s won. 

“Fine,” He sighs. “But I’m not driving.”

“We can do half each?” She offers and he only rolls his eyes again, but he’s smiling and she leans up to press a peck to his cheek. 

“Thank you,” She says. “I love you, seriously.”

She doesn’t think she’s imagining the blush on his cheeks as he grumbles and uses the back of his hand to wipe her kiss off. 

-- 

“Rowan, take the bed.”

“Aelin, I’m not kicking you out of your own bed in your own house.”

She sighs. They’re at a stalemate. 

They’re standing on opposite sides of the bed, both dressed for bed, and she’s ignoring how good he looks. He’s wearing a pair of soft-looking green flannel pyjama pants and a grey t-shirt. Simple, but it’s really working for him.

“It’s fine, I’ll be fine on the floor. It’s carpet.”

Rowan looks anguished. “No. I don’t see why I can’t take the spare room like I do every time I come here.”

“My parents aren’t stupid. Every time you’ve come here before we’ve just been friends. We need them to believe this.”

She gestures between the two of them. Her parents had greeted them upon their arrival at the cabin. Aelin had managed to persuade Rowan to drive the whole way, she knew she would, and her parents had been waiting on the doorstep when Rowan pulled the car up outside the cabin. 

They had been wearing matching expressions of glee, and Aelin saw Rowan visibly steel himself before stepping out of the car. 

The introduction hadn’t been a big deal, her parents have met Rowan a number of times before, but never as Aelin’s boyfriend. Aelin thinks it went pretty well and that her parents likely don’t doubt their story. She’s again ignoring why that could be. 

Rowan crosses his arms across his broad chest and Aelin forces herself to concentrate.

“They could just think I’m being polite,” He tries to argue and Aelin shoots him an unimpressed look. 

“Here’s a radical idea,” She says. “Why don’t we just share. The bed is easily big enough for the two of us, we’ve shared a bed before.”

Rowan scoffs. “Yeah, when we were both blackout drunk. Do you even remember that night?”

Yes. In great detail. “No, but it will be fine.”

Rowan releases his arms from their place across his chest and Aelin knows she’s won. “Okay.”

Aelin fights her smile. 

“I can still take the floor.” 

Aelin sighs and pulls her side of the duvet back, “Just get in the bed.”

-- 

It is not fine. 

Aelin thinks it’s probably been about half an hour since she got into the bed and she is still staring at the ceiling, wide awake. Rowan’s breathing has been quiet and even for a while, he’s probably fast asleep. 

He’s so close, she can feel his warmth under the covers, but they aren’t touching. It would be so easy to reach her hand across the mattress and trail her fingertips up his arm until her hand was at his shoulder. It would be so easy to roll onto her side, throw her leg over his and rest her head on his chest. 

It would be so easy to kiss him. 

She sighs, frustrated again and feels the mattress shift at her side. 

“Why aren’t you asleep?” Rowan’s on his side now, facing her in the bed, but his eyes are still shut. 

Aelin rolls herself onto her side to face him, she allows herself to catalogue his whole face in the small beam of moonlight slipping in through the curtain. The silver of his eyebrows to the pink of his lips. Even in the darkness she can see the long sweep of his eyelashes and the slight dusting of stubble across his jaw. 

She’s so fucking in love with him.

“Why aren’t you asleep?” She retorts. 

“I can hear you thinking from here.”

Aelin laughs and Rowan’s eyes finally flash open, still so brightly green even in the dark. He grins back at her and she loses herself in the smile a little bit. 

“I’m not thinking about anything,” She says automatically and Rowan just nestles himself deeper into the pillow and waits. She melts at the sight. The vision of him tucked up in bed opposite her looking so relaxed is almost too much. “Okay, maybe I’m just thinking about how to sell this.”

“This?”

“Me and you, you know, deeply in love.”

Rowan huffs a laugh, deliciously deep and sleepy. “I don’t think we’ll have to do that much, what’s the difference between us and a couple anyway?”

Aelin thinks her heart stops beating. She clears her throat to restart it. “What do you mean?”

She hears the rustle of the duvet as he shrugs. “How does any couple differ from friends? Apart from people who are big on PDA, it shouldn’t be very different.”

“I don’t think you have to be big on PDA to act like a couple. Most couples, you know, hug, kiss, do couple-y stuff that’s different from us.”

“Right.” Rowan’s voice is soft in the darkness, and she wishes she could see more of his expression. 

“You probably will have to kiss me at some point this week.” 

Aelin didn’t mean to say that, definitely not, but it’s true. Her parents would think it was at least slightly unusual if Aelin never shared even a peck with her supposed boyfriend over Christmas. 

She hopes it’s dark enough that Rowan can’t see the fire in her cheeks. 

“Oh.”

His response really doesn’t give her a lot to go off. 

“You don’t have to,” She starts. “We could probably get away with it, I’d just tell them-”

“Aelin.” 

Aelin stops speaking. There’s something in his voice that halts her breath in her throat. 

“We should have practiced this,” He says. “We should have discussed this.”

Aelin frowns, somewhat defensive. “I thought you would have known, I mean, you’re coming here to pretend to be my boyfriend.”

Rowan just breathes out a breath she thinks could be a laugh. “I know, I did know that. Now I’m just shitting myself at the thought of kissing you in front of your dad.”

Aelin laughs now, too loudly for the quiet of the night. 

“You can kiss me now if you want to get it out of the way, that way when you have to do it in front of my dad it will be no big deal.”

She’s joking. Or at least she hopes he thinks she is. 

Rowan is silent for a beat too long. 

“Really?” He asks.

Aelin tries to sound nonchalant. “Yeah, you’ll have to get ready to kiss me at some point. Unless I’m too hideous to even consider.”

“Aelin,” Rowan sounds pained. “You’re not hideous.”

“I know, I was joking.” She smiles hoping he can at least see that. “About that anyway.”

“Right. You don’t mind if I kiss you now? For practice.”

“Not at all. Kiss away, Buzzard.” 

If she makes enough jokes she can pretend her heart isn’t pounding in her chest as Rowan shifts closer. 

“Okay,” He says and Aelin’s entire body sets alight. 

He reaches out a hand to cup her cheek and Aelin wants to lean into his touch forever. She needs to remember every moment of this.

She wriggles closer to him, very much aware of the fact that they’re lying in bed together and he’s about to kiss her. 

“You’re absolutely sure about this?” He’s so close to her now that his breath washes across her face as he speaks. 

She wants him to pause, to hold on to let her catalogue every single moment of this but she nods, unable to find the words past the catch in her throat. 

“Okay,” She catches him whisper under his breath, mostly to himself, as she allows her eyes to flutter shut. 

Aelin holds herself almost painfully still as he presses his lips to hers in a feather-light touch. His lips are warm and soft against her own. 

He pulls back far too soon, only a millisecond later, but he doesn’t remove his hand from her cheek as she opens her eyes. 

She can’t find a single word to say, she never wants to leave this moment. Here in this dark room in the silence she wants to kiss him forever. 

Rowan is watching her silently, his eyes flicking up and down her face, from her eyes to her lips and back again. 

“Hi,” She whispers and he smiles. 

“Hi.”

His fingers flex on her cheek and she allows herself to bring a palm up to his shoulder. His eyes flutter shut for a moment. 

“Aelin,” He says, his voice hoarse. 

His eyes snap open, watching her, and he reads something on her face that has him drawing her face back to his. 

This kiss is different from the first. 

The first was tentative and unsure. Testing the waters. 

This kiss is tender and deep. Rowan takes his time with her, starting with a gentle press of his lips against her own before pressing harder against her. His hand shifts down from her face as he kisses her to wrap around her waist and tug her tighter to him. 

Aelin allows the hand on his shoulder to slip up and to slide through the silver strands of his hair. 

Rowan gasps at the touch and she slips her tongue into his mouth. 

He tastes of mint and Aelin wants more. She presses further into him, her breaths coming fast in gasps every time their lips part and return to each other. Rowan rolls onto his back and the arm around her waist pulls her with him. 

She’s half on top of him now, leaning up on an elbow with a leg thrown over his as she kisses him. His free hand comes up to twist through her hair and hold her face to his as he licks into her mouth. The sensation has her toes curling and she presses her hips into his side slightly. 

He lets out a groan and the sound shocks her back to reality. 

Aelin pulls back and takes a second to process the way they’re wrapped up in each other. She can’t help the laugh that escapes her as she presses her face into Rowan’s chest hiding her blush. His chest shakes against her and he’s laughing too as he wraps both of his arms around her in a hug. She feels him press a kiss to the top of her head and she allows herself to rest deeper into his chest. 

“Let’s get some sleep,” He says into her hair. 

-- 

Somehow she manages to drift off, with her hand stretched across the bed towards him. His fingers in the same place brushing against hers. 

Aelin wakes up before him in the morning and untangles herself before he has a chance to wake up and realise the position they’re in again. 

-- 

Aedion and Lysandra arrive in time for dinner and Aelin spends ten minutes in the kitchen with her friend screaming about the ring. She hasn’t seen them since they announced the engagement and she’s happy for the two of them, she really is, and she couldn’t be more excited about the wedding. 

Lysandra however, is far more interested in the story of Aelin and Rowan. 

“How long has this been going on?” Her friend hisses through a whisper. 

“Not long, it started about October.” 

They had arranged their story before they had left their apartment. They could keep the bulk of it pretty generalised, spinning a story about how they had both realised their feelings for each other and things had just progressed from friendship, but they had sorted out dates so not to trip up. 

Aelin shrugs when Lysandra grins, her eyes full of unadulterated glee. 

“And you kept this a secret from me because?” Lysandra demands. 

“I don’t know, it’s new. Don’t make a big deal.” 

“Don’t make a big deal?” Lysandra scoffs. “This is you and Rowan. I have been waiting for this for years.”

“No you haven’t.” Aelin is definitely blushing. 

“I have,” Lysandra nods dramatically. “Aedion too. We’ve discussed it.”

Aelin wants the ground to open up and swallow her. Aelin has been thinking about it for years, but she didn’t realise it had ever crossed anyone else’s mind. She doesn’t dare let herself consider the possibility that it has crossed Rowan’s mind.

“Stop,” is all she manages to say before they’re joined in the kitchen by Aedion and Rowan. Aedion sidles up around Lysandra and presses a kiss to her cheek as he wraps his arms around her waist. Aelin smiles at the display and feels Rowan rest his own hand at her hip. 

His hand is so warm and she leans back into his chest as Aedion and Lysandra smile at them. Rowan’s fingers flex on her hip and she looks up to see him smiling down at her. 

They haven’t discussed their kiss from last night, nor have they kissed again, but it feels good to have him here like this. It feels like it could be real. 

Aelin shakes the thought out of her head as her parents join them in the kitchen. 

Aelin’s mum has her hands pressed over her mouth at the sight of the two pairs. 

“Ah,” She sighs looking as if she could be about to cry. Aelin watches her dad lift a hand to her shoulder as he smiles at Aelin. 

“Look at all of you,” Aelin’s mum says. “Let me get a picture to remember.”

Evalin pulls out her phone and Aelin steps across to settle next to Lysandra and Aedion, still wrapped up in each other. She feels, rather than sees, Rowan follow. 

Evalin lifts the phone, but pauses. “Rowan, get closer to Aelin.” She waves her hand in the air, gesturing for him to step further into the frame. He does, but still pauses at her side. 

“Rowan, son,” Her dad begins with a grin. “It’s alright, you don’t have to be so proper.”

Aelin looks up to him in time to see him cover his wince with a brittle smile. When his eyes flicker down to her it softens and he slides his arm around her waist. It feels too good pressed into him like this, like he could hold her together, like he could hold her forever. 

She lifts her hand to rest it over his own at her side.

The warmth of his hand on her waist has her blood pumping faster, it’s like she’s a teen again. She’s never been so easily flustered by anyone since she was younger. No one has ever made her heart beat like Rowan does, no one has ever electrified her skin at their touch like he does. 

Aelin smiles back up at him, a little lost in his gaze. 

“Beautiful,” Aelin’s mum cries and the photo is taken. 

Aelin shakes herself and ignores her dad’s knowing look. Rowan’s hand is gone from her waist already and she misses it already. 

Inviting him here like this was a mistake. 

-- 

Later she spies her mum’s phone on the side and sneaks onto it to send the photo to herself. Aedion and Lysandra are grinning sweetly at the camera, but the sight of herself and Rowan takes her breath away. 

She’s wrapped up in his arms as he looks down at her. The smiles they wear as she looks up at him are a little dreamy, both too lost in each other to realise the photo is being taken. She’d believe it was real. 

She wishes it was. 

-- 

They don’t talk about the kiss. And beyond brief kisses to her cheek when presents are exchanged, they don’t kiss again. 

Aelin is a little disappointed, and a little silly. Maybe it wasn’t necessary to practice, and she cringes at the memory that she was the one to bring it up to Rowan. He hasn’t acted any different with her though after the kiss, he still smiles softly at her when she enters the room and they’ve managed to sleep next to each other in the bed for the rest of the week without problem. 

Unless you count waking up tangled around each other a problem. Aelin does. 

It’s getting harder and harder to ignore what she feels for Rowan with every morning she wakes up with his arms around her. He’s always quick to roll away from her when he wakes up and realises, she’s trying not to let it bother her. 

She doesn’t know how she’s going to go back to sleeping in separate rooms in their apartment. How she’s going to bear saying goodnight to him and closing her door every night.

Their bags are packed by the door, ready to leave and Rowan is defrosting the car, getting it ready to go, when her mum corners her. 

“It has been wonderful to see you, Fireheart.” 

“Thanks, mum,” Aelin allows herself to be wrapped up in a hug and she squeezes her mum tightly. “It’s always nice to see you and dad.”

“We’ve loved having you here. And Rowan too.” Her mum looks like she could cry again and Aelin buries her wince. It’s going to break her mum’s heart when she has to deliver the news of her and Rowan’s supposed break up in a few weeks. “I’m so happy the two of you finally figured it out.”

“I- um…” Aelin doesn’t have the words to respond to that. “Yeah, me too.”

If only. 

Rowan joins them on the porch now and kisses her mum’s cheek as he bids her his goodbye. He shakes her dad’s hand and the image tears through Aelin’s chest. 

She feels like she’s about to cry, at the image of Rowan here like this with her parents, at the idea that they think it’s all real, at the idea of returning to a life where it isn’t. 

Her dad presses a kiss to her cheek. “Cheer up, Fireheart. We’ll see you both soon I’m sure.”

She nods as she wraps her arms around him. She’s not sure how they’re going to play the break up now, she’s made such a mistake bringing Rowan here. How they’re going to play exes everytime she sees her parents now is too much of a mess for her to deal with. 

“You ready to go?” Rowan asks her, his voice soft and a concerned look in his eye.

Aelin nods, unable to find words, and waves her goodbye to Aedion and Lysandra. 

Rowan is driving again, and it means she can look back to the cabin for as long as she can waving to her family. It also means she can spend a while looking away from Rowan, trying to hold in the tears that threaten to fall. 

-- 

They don’t talk for most of the car ride. Rowan shoots her periodic glances, concern written clearly across his face, but he doesn’t speak other than to ask if she needs to stop for a coffee or a bathroom break. 

Each time she only shakes her head. She just wants to tuck herself up in bed at their home and wallow. 

-- 

Back at their apartment she runs up the stairs before him, calling something about putting the coffee maker on as he grabs the bags. She knows he’s starting to get anxious with her silence, but she still doesn’t have the words. 

She’s fiddling with mugs in their kitchen when he finally corners her, unwilling to let her low mood go unmentioned. Another thing she loves about him. 

“Aelin, what’s wrong?” He asks her, his voice so gentle that it only tugs her heart more. 

“Nothing, I’ll just miss being at the cabin.”

It’s a weak lie, pathetic really, and Rowan sees right through it. He steps around the island to rest in front of her. He takes a deep breath before speaking, a tell-tale sign he’s about to challenge whatever she’s said. 

“You don’t normally feel like this though, what’s different this time?”

Aelin knows he sees the tears in her eyes, and his expression is a mixture of panic and concern. She lets out a wet laugh. 

“What’s different?” She asks. “You don’t feel different now, after last week, pretending to be more than friends? You don’t feel different now that we’re back here?”

Rowan glances away from her and she misses the face he pulls at the words. It isn’t long before he looks back to her and steps even closer. He bites his lip, she knows it means he’s nervous. 

“No, Aelin.” She shuts her eyes. This is going to hurt. “I don’t feel different. I’m still just as in love with you now as I was before.”

Aelin’s mouth drops open as her stomach drops to the floor. 

“You’re in love with me?” She says dumbly. 

“Gods, Aelin. I thought that was obvious.” He’s definitely nervous now, and Aelin’s brain rushes to reassure him. 

She laughs, this is absurd. “You’re in love with me?”

Rowan takes a step back, his open expression shuttering closed. “Yes. I don’t know what else you want me to say.” 

“Rowan,” She breathes and her hand shoots out to stop him moving any further away from her. “Rowan, I love you.”

“What?” 

Aelin laughs, a little hysterical now. “We are such idiots.”

She pulls on his hand, pulling him closer to her and sliding her hand up his chest. There’s a hopeful look in his eyes that wasn’t there before as he smiles down at her. 

She rests her palm against his cheek as he says, “Say it again.”

She smiles, closing her eyes for a second. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

Rowan’s smile has never looked as bright as it does now. She wants to kiss him. He seems to be on the same wavelength and cradles her face between his hands. 

“You love me,” He says and leans down to press his lips to hers. 

“I do,” She manages before she melts into the kiss.

-- 

They spend hours in the kitchen, in the living room, in her bedroom professing their love for each other. Aelin thinks this is better than any other present she received this year. 

She can’t wait to be back at the cabin with Rowan next year.

[imissjoongsmullet]

Something Better (1/2)

Pairing: Bang Chan x reader

Genre: fluff/angst (will lead to smut eventually because hi hello it’s me writing about Chan)

Summary: You and Chan have been best friends since before you can remember but now that you’re in college, things start to feel strange, especially with the way he acts when it comes to your boyfriend.

Read part 2

Warnings: part 1 of 2 (probably), cutesy friendship stuff, lots of stupid banter, bit of suggestive conversations, a good dash of angst, Changbin as your boyfriend (do you need a warning for that lol), oh and though this one is pretty clean, there will be smut in later chapters.

Word Count: 2k

Author’s Note: Ok so I’m going to try to keep this to 2 chapters but I can’t promise anything. Anyone who follows me knows I tend to get carried away it’s a thing... Also, yes, this is such a cliché trope but BOY DO I LOVE IT! Thanks again for the request. I had a great time writing this!

► 

Five minutes to four. Almost there. The old man at the front of the auditorium had been droning on about the history of bleebidiblah wherever for the past two hours and you were very much ready for it all to end and for the weekend to begin. You heard a pencil drop beside you and turned to see your friend pick it back up and place it between his upper lip and nose.

“Looking great,” you whispered, fighting back a smile.

“I know,” he snickered, making the thing drop into his lap for the dozenth time that class.

Chan was kind of an idiot. But he was also kind of your best friend. You’d grown up in the same neighborhood and had been inseparable since kindergarten. He was the first person you’d went to when you’d found out Santa wasn’t real, the first person you’d ever sneaked out of the house to go to a party with and the first person you’d ever gotten blackout drunk with; not to mention he was the only one who knew about your irrational fear of oven toasters. He knew everything about you and you knew everything about him. You were a team, tied together so much so, that you’d even decided to follow each other to the same college.

“Hey,” he nudged your shoulder, “how about we go downtown tonight and celebrate the weekend? I heard it’s prolonged happy hour at GB’s.”

The twinkle in his eyes made you want to say yes; it was a very tempting offer. “Can’t,” you replied eventually, scrunching up your nose at him.

“Come on, why not?” said Chan, leaning in and shaking your thigh, “we can go to karaoke after and you can crash at my place. I bought so many Doritos and they’re not gonna eat themselves.”

You bit your lip. “I kind of promised Changbin I’d go over tonight.” You already knew what was coming.

“Again?” he exclaimed a bit too loudly, drawing the attention of some of the other students, “you stayed over like three times this week already.” He sagged in his chair, rolling his eyes at you.

“Don’t be a child,” you retorted shoving him lightly.

That put some of his smile back in place. “You know, I think this Changbin guy isn’t the one for you,” said Chan, pretending to look pensive, “he’s got shifty looking eyes… and his nose is too big.”

You couldn’t keep from chuckling. Dipping down in your chair out of sight of your teacher, you turned to your friend. “You’re so full of shit, what does that even mean?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged, “maybe he’s having evil, shifty, big-nosed plans and you don’t even know it.”

“Your nose is big too, you know?” you said, pinching his nose.

He slapped your hand away and pinched you back, which made you cry out so loud the teacher went silent, eyes in your direction. Your cheeks flushed hot but just as you were about to apologize to the entire auditorium, the bell rang, pushing everyone around you into motion.

“Oops,” said Chan, eyes full of mischief as he rose from his chair along with everyone else.

You packed your things and followed him, kicking at his heels pettily.

“Seriously though, all the staying over,” Chan went on once you were out in the packed hallway, “sure he isn’t tiring you out?” The wicked grin on his face told you exactly what he meant.

“Chan, I swear if you don’t shut up,” you started but he interrupted fast.

“I just mean, you’re a studious girl,” he explained, grabbing your shoulders and rubbing them, “you can’t have a shifty-eyed boy like him distract you from your super important studies with sexy times.”

“And you taking me out to GB’s is helping me with my studies how exactly?”

“At least I’m not trying to put my dick in you every single night.”

“Chan!” you yelled out, looking around frantically at all the other students within earshot of your conversation.

“Aww,” Chan chuckled, hugging you closer, putting his lips near your ear, “you’re so cute when you’re all flustered.”

You were extremely happy he was behind you and couldn’t see the look on your face because you were even redder than before, staring eyes-wide into space. For as close and you and Chan were, you couldn’t help but feel shy whenever he mentioned sexual stuff around you. Not that you weren’t a sexual person; you just didn’t really know how to act around him when it came to those things. It didn’t help that you felt him all over you now, making the hairs on the back of your neck stand right up.

“Listen,” you said, shrugging out of his grip and trying to compose yourself, “how about we hang out tomorrow night? I’m sure the drinks will be just as toxic and delicious then.”

He came up next to you. “Fine, but you’re buying,” he said, “you’ve been leaving me lonely far too much. I demand compensation.”

You smiled and shook your head. “Fine.”

[I’ll be there in 10]

You hurriedly typed as you left Changbin’s place. You were meeting Chan for coffee. You were supposed to work on an assignment together that afternoon but you felt more than a little distracted after the previous night hadn’t ended up as fun as you’d hoped. You didn’t even really remember how it had started but you and Changbin had gotten into an argument that had lasted for most of the night. It wasn’t anything heartbreaking; it was just frustrating that your relationship wasn’t going the way you’d imagined it. And now you’d have to face Chan and pretend everything was okay because you were far too prideful to give him the satisfaction of saying ‘I told you so’.

He was waiting at your typical spot in the back of the café, his notebook ready on the table. You were happily surprised to find him jotting things down as you walked up. When you sat down, however, you realized he’d just been doodling obscenities in the margins of his book.

“Good afternoon,” you said, closing his book and grabbing the coffee he’d ordered for you.

You felt his eyes on you as you sipped the burning hot drink. You were just waiting for it at this point.

“So,” he started, amusement dripping down his face, “how was last night?”

“Shut up,” you countered, opening up your own book and looking anywhere but at him.

You and Chan were used to working together. Chan always had problems focusing and you were always there to give him the kick in the ass he needed to get the work done. On the other hand, Chan was the one coming up with the most creative ideas for your projects so, despite your differences, you worked quite well off of each other. 

For a while, things were fine: Chan was on his second coffee and the ideas flowed generously; you just had to write them down and turn them into usable content. Things were nice and light as they should be. You took a break and ordered waffles, enjoying them without any mention of Changbin; it was great. You talked about concerts you were excited to go to together in the coming months, showed each other movie trailers of stuff you really wanted to watch together and you laughed at the absolute dumbest things. You thought perhaps it was the caffeine that was making you both so silly.

Unfortunately, after that initial boost of energy, came the inevitable crash.

By the time Chan was picking at the ice at the bottom of his empty third coffee, things were started to shift. You were trying to finish up the assignment but it was clear Chan was starting to get burnt out. Gradually, conversation trickled away from the project at hand and into less productive territory.

“What is it you like about him?” he asked, staring zombie-like into his cup.

“Not now, Chan,” you sighed, eyes on your laptop screen. You felt his fingers at your side, poking lazily.

“No, come on,” he said, voice sleepy, “I wanna know.”

You stopped typing and took a deep breath.

“He’s—” you started, trying to think of something while your head replayed how you’d argued the night before.

Chan let out a chuckle. “Yeah, he sounds great.”

“Oh, fuck off,” you groaned, a little harsher than you’d meant it, “let’s just get this done.”

But Chan didn’t let up. Your inability to define your love for Changbin had apparently made him very eager to tease you and it was getting harder and harder to ignore him.

“I bet he sleeps with his socks on,” he said, sipping his empty drink loudly, “weirdo.”

“Chan please.”

“Tell me he doesn’t.”

“Chan.”

“He totally does, doesn’t he!”

“Chan I swear if you don’t shut up I’m gonna kick you where it really hurts!”

“Fine,” he said, still laughing, putting up his hands in defense, “jeez, I was just having fun.” Then he came closer and, entirely oblivious, wrapped his arms around you tight. “No more coffee for you, it makes you mean.” He gave your temple a quick kiss and, chuckling, got up from his seat.

“Gotta pee, this coffee is going right through me, be right back.” 

It occurred to you, as you watched him walk off, how odd your relationship with Chan was. Or maybe Chan was just an odd person? Or maybe he was simply acting oddly recently? You tried to shrug off the confusing thoughts and instead opened up your phone. The last text from Changbin was right at the top. You clicked it and smiled, rereading the sweet message he’d sent you the day before. You should probably make up with him soon, you decided.

After another half hour of half-assed adjustments, you and Chan finally called it a day.

“If you could input your slides right after mine, I’ll do the touch ups and bring it all to class,” you said, staring at your laptop screen, “we should probably go over it together the day before though.”

Chan’s face was in his arms on the table, looking drowsy. “Yeah, sounds good,” he mumbled, “I’ll type them out by Monday, we’ve got most of the stuff down already, it shouldn’t be hard.”

“Good,” you nodded, finally letting yourself sit back and relax. You closed your eyes in a long yawn as you stretched out your arms. When you opened them again Chan was looking at you.

“Tired huh?” he said, his lips curling up into a knowing smirk.

You stared back at your friend blankly. “You know what? Yes, I am actually. I stayed up most of the night.”

His eyebrows rose up in surprise but he didn’t speak.

“And that’s all I’m gonna say on the matter so can we please wrap this up now?” you added, “I think I should go see Changbin later tonight cause— well, we just have some things to discuss.”

“Wait, hold up,” said Chan, straightening up beside you and, finally, all laughter was wiped from his face, “I thought we were going out tonight.”

The memory of your promise hit you, throwing a small dose of guilt over your head. “I’m sorry, Chan, really. I just got some things to do—”

“Some things to do?” he interrupted, now definitely irritated, “you’re gonna ditch your best friend for some mediocre sex?”

“Chan that’s not what this is,” you started but you knew you’d set him off and there was no going back.

“Whatever,” he snapped, “it’s fine I’ll call some people who actually wanna hang out—”

“Chan—” you tried, shocked at the rapidity with which his mood had switched.

“—instead of someone who’ll leave me for the first boy to give her the least bit of attention—”

“Hey!” you said, getting up from your seat, heating up from the sting of his words.

Chan got up as well, the look in his eyes pained. “I said it’s fine,” he repeated, placing some money on the table and walking out.

(part 2)

[vtforpedro]

medical update - long post, TWs in tags

my head is as bad as it's been since the beginning of it all. it's been seven months since it's been at this level. nearing the end of my rope here anyway. so the only thing that's keeping me from getting the official IIH diagnosis is a lumbar puncture. I was gonna do one cause my neurosurgeon wanted me to get one and as he was on the way out of the door (in april 2020) he's like 'oh yeah if you read anything about death/emergency surgery from getting a lumbar puncture with a chiari malformation don't worry about it' me, who had not been googling things anymore cause it was making my anxiety really high, now very worried about it: haha ok!! yeah so there are numerous documented cases of people with chiari malformation having an LP done and for whatever reason, the sudden decrease in spinal fluid causes the chiari (cerebellar tonsils have herniated into the spinal cord opening in the base of the skull) to 100% herniate and results in immediate life-saving full-on brain surgery right then and there so!!! I never got an LP because I was like, fresh in the middle of the worst of the medical trauma, three weeks out of the hospital where my intense phobia of IVs came from, no one was believing me about any of it etc etc lmao goddd I wish he hadn't said anything cause my anxiety brain is stupid but when I saw him in late october and he finally believed me and started talking about IIH, the actual diagnostic tool (the last one anyway) is a lumbar puncture. to rule out anything in the spinal fluid (which is pretty much already ruled out for me because it's been 19 months and I would've had other stuff happening if it were something in the fluid) and check the pressure in my brain. IIH is intracranial hypertension for who knows why. I asked my neurologist yesterday if I get it, since we have ruled everrrrything out, and my pressure is high, will I get the IIH diagnosis and he said correct. like it's the only thing I'm missing!!! but the problem with getting the diagnosis is there are legit two medications they use to treat IIH and they are not without potentially severe side effects (they lower spinal fluid production and fucking with your brain when they don't really know Why can. fuck your brain) and I am already terrified of new meds. I don't want to go through all this shit just to have horrible things happen when I try to treat it, you know? but weight loss is clearly not working, at least not yet and I don't know if it ever will. if it doesn't, I'm going to have to have surgery. that's the only way to fix this :/ I talked to my neurosurgeon in october about the risks of herniation with an LP and I think he got frustrated lmao because he's like 'it's like the biggest myth out there! I've never seen it in my entire career' but it's not a myth because it HAS happened. I would say him being a renowned neurosurgeon means that it's probably a really low risk? but it's not a fuckin myth and with him being a renowned neurosurgeon I have no doubts he knows that. because I saw a neurologist team shortly before I went back to him that said 'oh no, we never order LPs for chiari patients. it's taught in school because the risk is too high' so I'm like ok my neurosurgeon is fantastic at what he does but he was playing fast and loose with the truth, so do I want to trust this guy? I'm being told they teach it in school to not do this because people have died. I'm being told by my new neurologist that he thinks the benefits far outweigh the risks, my chiari is so mild, it'll be done in the hospital under the right settings with monitoring, etc etc, and that he considers my neurosurgeon the true expert on the matter and to maybe listen to him and himself and not what a different neuro said WHICH WOULD BE OKAY if the risk wasn't fucking DEATH in a horrible way during a fairly common procedure!!! like it's considered 'invasive' but it's still done often enough my brain is at a complete standstill. I am living in such horrible agony that I want to end my life. if I get the LP, I could actually experience relief for a while because

of the removal of some SF resulting in less pressure in my skull. or I could just straight up die lmao but also I don't want to be on meds to treat it even if I do get the diagnosis!! I am in the middle of applying for disability (not even 50% of the way through and it's a long process ._.) so if I get this diagnosis and I add it to my claim, this, along with everrrrrything else, gives me an even higher chance of getting approved and if this doesn't go away from weight loss, I will be forced to do an LP anyway because I will have to confirm the pressure in my skull so they can perform surgery. but that would be months away, maybe even late next year, because I do still have to lose all the weight first so my dilemma is, do I just go ahead with the LP despite the risks (no matter how low they are and I genuinely don't know how low from getting so many mixed answers from doctors) because I could get relief and because I could get the diagnosis to add to disability? what happens if the Worst™ happens and I never walk out of the hospital, you know? it's scary. it's genuinely so terrifying to me. I'm having traumatic nightmares about this shit my cognitive function has been declining enough that I have zero recollection of a few things happening. it's not just forgetting, it's a complete blackout. I'm mixing up meds and a couple other things. and it's scaring me. neuro referred me to a neuropsychologist to evaluate this stuff my head is so bad I am in a constant heightened state of extreme anxiety and depression and stress. I'm starting to get heart palpitations again. like something's gotta give, right? I don't know what to do if you or someone you know has had a lumbar puncture, please please please do NOT tell me any horror stories about it (I legit can't handle it). if you've had one and it was easy peasy lemon squeezy, can you tell me about it, please? hanging on by a fucking threeeeeeead. love you all very much

[archipelagolago]

Yeah so, it's projecting onto Billy & Steve hours:

So I've decided Billy, Steve, and being shitty at meds.

I think Steve would be the one to forget to take them pretty often & also forget that bad med interaction is a thing. As in, he'll forget to take his meds for a couple days and start going through withdrawal without realizing what's going on. He'll be sitting in class all dizzy and nauseous and with a bad headache thinking, "wtf? Why do I feel so shitty?? Am I sick or something?" and then go two more class periods before remembering, "oh shit. I've been forgetting to take my meds again, huh?" And with the med interactions, he just entirely forgets that it's a thing. So he'll take some over the counter stuff & perhaps some recreational drugs without remembering to check if they are known to interact badly/strangely with his prescription meds. So the drugs won't have the intended effect like, "huh these pain killers say they make you drowsy but instead I'm doubly as energetic as usual?" And a few bad times it creates real issues and Billy will have to take him to the ER because his heartbeat is freakishly high or because he can't stop trembling or it's got him vomiting non-stop and other problematic effects. And Billy always gets really mad at Steve when this happens because it makes him real scared and he doesn't know to express that so instead he yells at Steve for being so careless and not taking care of himself. But after things calm down he'll always curl up with Steve, in the hospital bed or at his house, being the big spoon and telling Steve he loves him and just wants him to be safe. It happens much less often with Billy in the picture.

And for Billy! He's the one who forgets his meds have lowered his alcohol tolerance. So, he'll go through the usual routine of drinking, like, 4-5 shots of whiskey which used to get him pretty drunk but not blackout, vomit drunk. But *now* when he forgets and does that he'll be vomiting into the sink and not remembering much of the previous night in the morning and BRUH the hangovers after that are the absolute worst. He is super frustrated by it because sometimes he just wants to kick back with Steve on the weekends but after 2 beers, instead of the usual buzz and mild tipsyness, he'll be fully drunk. And it hella bothers him since his alcohol tolerance used to be so high and now he feels like a goddamn grandpa. But, like with Steve's thing, once Billy and Steve start going out he'll have someone to remind him that he should stop at a beer or two unless he wants to be puking his guts out and miserable the next day. Also helps to know that even if he miscalculates and gets plastered, Steve will be there to make sure he doesn't do anything too crazy.

[justoneday-namjoonii]

jk!mafia drabble #2 | it burns, doesn’t it?

⇁ [anon request]: Im a sucker for the petty angsttt, can you write more about JK & Jiyoon 👀 like, Y/N finds out more stuff about them. 👀👀 its all up to you, anything you write is a masterpiece💜

series: 18/? - It burns, doesn’t it? pairing: Jungkook x reader author’s note: this is a mess but enjoy! thank u for requesting, I got a little creative, I think my recent Taehyung obsession is showing 👀 lol warnings: idk what this is tbh lol, major manipulator themes, slut-shaming (idk kind of not sure if it qualifies but I thought I’d warn you anyway), speculated infidelity, might be triggering to some proceed with caution

*

*

*

*

You sit across from him at the diner booth, eyes are narrowed at the scrambled eggs greasy bacon. You don't want it.

"Eat a little," Jungkook takes a bite of his bacon, "it's not bad."

"I'm good," You shake your head, insistent on satisfying yourself with the small bowl of grapes. He glances out of the window, not wanting to upset you today, he wants to start the day off right. He offered to take you out of the house for breakfast and you were fine with it. Maybe you two can finally go back to hw things used to be, when the love was young and sweet on the tongue. It’s still sweet, but it’s grown far more complex than what was initially expected. These days, trust is something you have to remind yourself that you need in order to make this work. It’s tough, but you’re trying.

What Taehyung said keeps coming to your mind. 

He is a lot of things, but he's not a liar.

***

You were in the garage trying to take the guns apart and put them back together. Jungkook showed you about five times before he left and made sure to take the bullets out so you could practice. You were laser-focused so you paid little attention to the person entering the garage.

"The slide is loose," The gun is lifted from your grasp swiftly, "and the barrel should be placed like this," 

Taehyung promptly puts your attempt to assemble the weapon to shame. When he places the gun on the table in front of you, it's apparent how much practice he's had doing this.

"If you tried to shoot that thing, it would blow your fucking face off." 

You lower your head, shy hands picking up the firearm to dismantle it again.

"So, you convinced your daddy to let you play with his toys," He mocks, plundering through the drawers on the walls, "you're moving up, Y/n."

"Piss off," You grimace, resisting the urge to throw something at him, "it's not like that."

"It's just you and me here, everyone else went out for the night, but they should be back soon," He pulls up a chair to your little table and your stomach turns at the proximity.

"Then why are you here? Where's Hoseok?" You remain focused, taking the gun apart with calculated movements. "Why aren’t you with him..."

"I had to come back to get this," He shows you a box but not the contents inside, "didn't think you were still here, Jungkook said you were gonna go with him."

You stare down at the dismantled gun and then up at him. He recently changed his hair, it's out of his face and lighter, making his appearance less ominous than before. But you know better, his looks can't change who he is or what he's done to you. Yet, you sit across from him, choosing not to judge him for his sins. You've killed before, out of defense but you still did it. You don't deserve to be here but grace precedes you somehow—you're grateful.

"Somehow we keep getting the house to ourselves," He sighs, taking out his phone to tap on it mindlessly, "gives me time to get to know you."

"You already know enough about me," You turn the gun on the table, trying to put it back together with the last few steps, "I don't know much about you though."

"You want to?" He crooks a brow.

"Why not? Might as well," You shrug, it couldn't hurt to hear more about who he is. Maybe you'll better understand why he is the way he is, "for one, how did you get into torture?"

He sighs, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. "I like to think of it as hands-on interrogation. I'm fascinated by the mind, how it can be manipulated to work against itself. I think it’s interesting to break someone down, to hear what I want to hear. If I do it right, they end up forming an attachment to me- Well, not me but to the persona that I choose to subdue them with, like you."

"I'm not attached to you," You frown, "you're mistaking be me being traumatized for submission..."

"It's the same to me, I get the result I want either way."

You are about halfway through assembling the gun but Taehyung suddenly takes it again, stirring frustration in your chest. You try to grab it back but he holds it out of your reach, "Give it back!-" 

"Ah, ah," He waits for you to sit back, "I know something that you don't know about Jungkook," He says that like a child, "do you want to know what it is?"

"What're you talking about?" 

"He and Jiyoon had a little run-in when you were gone, that night he was going through it. You've probably never seen him like that but it is a sight, I'll tell you that."

* * *

He moves his foot against yours, a grin on his lips that speak pages of what he’s thinking. 

"So, I wanted to talk to you, about something," You swallow, dropping the grape back in the bowl.

"About something," He repeats in a cute little mocking tone, "about what beautiful?"

"Did you ever, I don't know...Blackout when we were separated?" You know that sounded pretty vague but he knows what you mean.

"Blackout?" He tilts his head, mentally he rakes through the countless lonely nights. "I might have had too much to drink on some nights, maybe...Why?"

"Because that's the only reason you would touch Jiyoon again...You wouldn't actually do that if you were conscious. I heard you were seen with her..."

"Why are you talking about her?" He frowns, sitting back in the booth.

"Taehyung told me you were on a downward spiral one night and you didn't come back until the next morning, were you with her?..."

* * *

"You have to admit, you're not what anyone would have thought he'd end up with. Jiyoon literally sleeps around as apart-time job, she's good at it so I don't know how you could compete with that and win."

You feel like you're decreasing the more he talks. 

"He may not act like it now, but he was crazy about her years ago. I mean, she's beautiful, she worked for his lifestyle and they had a mutual understanding. When you came around, they had broken up with each other about a year prior, he got over her fast though."

“I know that..." You knew Jiyoon and Jungkook had a lot of history, but you made peace with it and you know he loves you. 

"I ran into her after that night, she said he acted like you two weren't together anymore. He let her have it like he used to," He looks up at you, waiting for you to look him in the eye but you seem to diminish in size while avoiding eye contact, "that's what she claims."

"What do you mean?" You press your lips in a flat line.

"You know what I mean," He jeers, swiping a tongue over his bottom lip. "unless you really are that innocent, which I don’t think you are."

"He wouldn’t do that..."  

"Well, it would make sense," He stands to his feet suddenly, gun still in hand as he paces around the table, "what did you expect? You were fucking with Jimin, it’s what you get."

"It wasn't like that!” You surprise yourself when your hear your raised tone of voice, “Jimin is a friend, that’s it, I wo"

"Maybe you were mad at Jungkook, and you might have just subconsciously tried to replace him. If you would lay down with Jimin, well I wouldn't be surprised if you wanted a piece of the others, that would be interesting," He is just being mean now, he knows that would never happen, not even if you wanted it, "or even me. You seem to drop everything for men who can protect you,"

"Shut up, you’re disgusting...I don’t want any of you like that. And even if I did, that part of my life is none of your fucking business.” You hiss, fists clenched tightly. “I wouldn’t do something like that/”

“Of course you haven’t done anything too crazy, what would Jungkook think about? If he still wanted you, he would probably take you in front of anyone he wanted just to prove a point-” 

You sling your hand across his face with enough force to leave it burning. His cheek is bright red and you’re fuming. You look him dead in the eyes, "Fuck you."

“Shit, Y/n,” He genuinely laughs, setting the gun on the table so he can hold his burning cheek. "Jungkook can go off and do whatever the hell he wants but you? You don't have that luxury, he leaves you here for me to play with, and this is how you treat me? isn’t that just sad?"

"Shut up!" You pick up the gun and before you know it you're throwing it and it misses his face by a centimetre. "I'm in a twisted situation and you make it a hundred times worse. You torment me knowing Jungkook cares about me, you want me to hate him. You want him to hate me. The same crap you tell me, you probably tell to him too." 

He takes a moment to think over his response before walking up to you slowly. Instinctively, you take a step back and stand firm.

"Ask him." He dares. "Ask Jungkook if he remembers what happened that night."

"I don't have to, I trust him." You want to disappear. You don’t believe what’s coming out of his mouth or yours.

"Okay, just know that I don’t blame you for wanting any other man...You were both lonely, Jungkook had his fair share fun while you were away too." 

He’s messing with your head, that’s all he’s ever done to you. 

Right?

[annab-nana]

Something There That Wasn’t There Before - Colby Brock

After a meaningless kiss one drunken night, the friend group notices a difference in Colby and y/n’s relationship, though they don’t. They barely even remember it, but that doesn’t stop their group of buddies from pushing them together.

Warnings: some curse words

Word Count: 2.5k+

--------------------------------------------------

“So, what have you been up to, girlie?” Tara asked as she skipped on along to the couch with Katrina, Devyn, and Cassie following in behind her. I roll my eyes at her before shutting my apartment door behind them and make my way over to the couch with them.

“Well after work, I took a shower, tidied up around here really quick, and then worked on a few songs,” I tell her as I plop down on the couch next to her.

“Oh, so you have been busy,” Dev adds, earning a nod from me.

“Yep, I’ve been going nonstop since like seven this morning and it is now…” I let my words trail off as I glance down at my phone to see the time, “five o’clock.”

“What songs were you working on?” Cassie wonders as she reaches for the papers I had laying on the coffee table in front of us, but I swiped them before she could grasp them. She gave me a fake pout before leaning back onto the couch.

“You know that I want to keep them a surprise,” I say as I get up to put them on the kitchen counter.

“I don’t know how you do that. I can’t keep my songs a surprise. I have to at least tell Sam,” Kat speaks her opinion and I laugh.

“I can’t either. I tell someone, but I want them to be a surprise to you guys.”

“Who do you tell?” Tara asks, her curiosity getting the better of her.

“Probably Colby,” Kat snickers as I nod.

“That is exactly who I tell. He’s my best friend. I couldn’t keep it from him if I tried,” I explain.

“I think there is something more going on between you two that you guys won’t let on,” Kat starts, and I roll my eyes.

“Are you serious? This again? We don’t like each other like that,” I protest. Ever since Colby and I kissed a few weeks ago when we were each out of our minds, blackout drunk, everyone has been saying that we should get together or that they think we already have and are just hiding from them. I don’t even remember the kiss and neither does he. I honestly wouldn’t believe them if it weren’t for the video Tara took while also being highly intoxicated.

“You guys have been acting different ever since that night, y/n. You can’t deny that. It’s obvious,” Cassie states and the girls nod along with her in agreement.

“That’s the thing though. We haven’t. Literally nothing has changed except for the fact that you guys and everyone else has been egging on a relationship between us. If anything has changed, it’s been the way you all act,” I defend myself. It’s been annoying to be honest. The constant pushing and interfering has been getting on my nerves. I wish it would stop, but I know that they probably won’t until we get together or one of us snaps or if we stop being friends all together. I don’t want any of those to happen.

“You always sit next to him or even lean into him at pizza night,” Devyn brings up.

“We are best friends, so what?”

“He gave you his hoodie the other night when we went to Chipotle,” Tara mentions, and I roll my eyes again.

“Can he not be a nice guy? It was freezing that night and Jake gave you his.” I fight back.

“Jake is my boyfriend.”

“Ever since that night, y’all hang out with each other, just you two, a whole lot more than before. You guys used to hang out with all of us, but you seem to keep to yourselves lately,” Kat points out.

“Wanna know why? Because literally every time we are around anyone in the friend group, y’all try to get us together. The guys aren’t as bad about it as you are. Maybe that’s why Colby isn’t having as hard of a time with all this as I have but you guys have been basically suffocating me with it. I talked to Colby about it, but I kind of don’t want to go to pizza night anymore because I can’t even enjoy myself without thinking ‘Am I too close to Colby?’, ‘Are they going to think we are dating?’, ‘I’ll just stay close to the other guys so that they don’t suspect anything’. I just want to have fun with my friends, but my friends are making it hard for me to have fun.” I finish. I stood up in the middle of my whole speech because I was too mad to stay sitting. I could tell that I had taken them back a bit, but what I said had to be said.

“I’m sorry I had to unload all of that on you guys, but I had to say it. I’m sorta tired, so I’m going to go to my room and take a nap. Y’all can hang in here or leave if you want. I just want to be alone,” I softly speak before I walk off to my room.

KATRINA’S POV

“We did kind of come at her, guys,” Cassie mutters and I nod at her. I thought y/n liked Colby and figured we were helping her out by pushing them together, but I must have been wrong. I throw my head in my hands and groan in frustration at myself.

“I feel like shit,” I murmur into my hands. I didn’t realize that we had pushed her so bad to the point that she doesn’t even want to hang out with us anymore.

“I’m going to go talk to her,” Devyn’s soft voice spoke before she stood from her spot on the sofa. Cassie and Tara do the same as me and stand with her.

“Let’s all go talk to her,” Tara speaks, and we nod before I lead the way to y/n’s bedroom. My right hand places a soft knock against her door as my left reaches for the doorknob, twisting it and swinging it open. Sadness washes over me when my eyes lay sight to y/n. She lays facing away from the door, but I can tell from the slight shakes of her body that she is crying. I look back at the girls behind me, sticking my lip out sadly before walking in.

I walk over to the side that she is facing before taking a seat next to her. Her gloomy eyes meet mine and she grabs a small pillow that laid next to her, covering her face with it. I let my fingers swipe across her forehead, pushing any hair that was in her face out of the way, then pulling the pillow out of the way.

“We’re sorry for pushing you,” Cassie is the first to speak.

“We didn’t know we were hurting your feelings or making you feel like you couldn’t have fun or hang out without our judgment,” Tara adds.

“We just saw something in you and Colby that we didn’t see before and immediately thought y’all were in love, but maybe it was nothing or y’all are getting closer as friends if that is even possible,” Devyn chuckles as she rubs y/n’s leg comfortingly through the covers.

“We love you, y/n, and would hate it if you didn’t come to pizza night and have fun because we made you feel like you couldn’t. We are really sorry,” I apologize before wiping away the tears that had laid on y/n’s face before we came in. She gave me a shy smile before speaking.

“I love you guys too, but you’ve got to cool it with the constant Colby stuff. We are just friends,” She says as she props herself up on her elbows to look at us all. We all nod at her in agreement.

“We will. We promise,” Tara answers, sticking her pinky out in front of us all. I laugh before placing mine with hers and the other girls follow suit. After a few shared giggles, I decide its best we leave y/n because she is probably really tired.

“Okay girls, let’s go, so she can take a nap,” I announce before standing.

“Give me a hug first,” She pouts, and I roll my eyes playfully before leaning down and wrapping my arms around her.

“I love you, Kat,” I hear her whisper in my ear and I pull away, smiling down at her.

“I love you too bubs,” I coo. The rest of the girls get their hugs before we head out to let the poor girl get some much-needed sleep.

Y/N’S POV

“Damn, how long did I sleep?” I whisper to myself after seeing how dark it is outside and I grab my phone. 9:18 p.m. I groan as I sit up and rub the sleepiness out of my eyes before shooting Colby a quick text.

Y/n: you busy?

Colbert😜: nope

Y/n: wanna walk with me to panda

Colbert😜: yeah i’ll be down there in a few

I am starving, so as soon as he gets here, we are leaving. Walking to my closet, I pull out the neon yellow ‘Okay 2 Decay’ hoodie he gave me the other night when we went to Chipotle with Jake and Tara and contemplate putting it on. I have borrowed his clothes before. I don’t know why I am even thinking about this. It has never been a problem before, and it shouldn’t be a problem now.

I slip the hoodie on and walk to the bathroom to put some concealer on to hide what I could of my slightly puffy and red eyes from crying right before falling asleep. My mascara from earlier today was still on mostly, but I added a little more just because. After putting on a little chapstick, I brush through my hair, throwing it into a ponytail, and slip on my shoes just as Colby walks in.

“What happened to you?” Colby jokingly asks as he watches my worn-out self.

“I am exhausted and hungry. Leave me alone,” I pout before grabbing my phone, keys, and money and stuffing them into the hoodie pocket. “Let’s go.”

“Yes ma’am,” He chuckles as he shuts and locks my door behind him. We walk to the elevator and descend on down to the lobby before beginning our walk to Panda Express.

“So, what did you and the girls do earlier?”

“How’d you know I was with them?” I question. I never told him that they came over.

“Sam and Jake told me.” I give him a look that tells him to continue which he does. “I went over to Sam’s to see what he was doing because I was bored and you told me you were going to work on songs today and I couldn’t bother you. He told me that Kat was going to your place. Then, Jake said that Tara was going too with Devyn and Cassie.”

“Oh, we were just hanging out before they brought up what they always do. Then things sort of blew up and I snapped at them about it, but we all apologized, and they promised to chill out with the pushing,” I tell him.

“It's good that you finally told them how you feel because if you didn’t, they would have driven you crazy,” He states before I nod my head in agreement. We make it to the restaurant and Colby opens the door for me, allowing me in first.

“Thanks, Colbert,” I sweetly thank him as he groans at my nickname for him. He says he hates it, but I think deep down he loves it. After we order and get our food, we sit down.

“So, what did you do with your Kansas boys?” I ask as I spin my fork to get some noodles.

“Same thing as y’all, but it didn’t end in a huge argument. We hung out and then they started to talk about how they think we’d be good together.” Colby tells me as he stuffs a big bite of orange chicken and fried rice into his mouth. I don’t know how he manages to fit it all in there, but he surprisingly does.

“Yeah, but all of them have been saying that ever since we became close friends. I do not get why it changed so quickly and everyone pushed for it so much harder. It can’t be because we kissed while we were drunk. Before she started dating Jake, Tara and I kissed while drunk at one of your parties and no one was jumping on us to date.” Colby laughed at the brought-up memory before speaking.

“I don’t get it either. Sam mentioned something about there being something there that wasn’t there before.”

“Devyn said something like that earlier too,” I add as I slide some honey walnut shrimp onto my fork.

“Hopefully, it will all blow over and things will go back to normal soon,” Colby says. I nod before we go back to talking about our days before I realize something.

“This is where we first met, isn’t it?”

“Yeah about two years ago, wasn’t it?” I nod to answer his question.

“Yep, I wasn’t paying attention as usual and bumped into you. We started to talk for a long ass time before realizing how late it was getting and you would not let me walk home by myself,” I reminisce.

“Because I couldn’t let you walk home in the dark by yourself after I had kept you out so late. And especially since it is L.A. and you look like you do, there is no telling what could have happened to you.”

“What do you mean ‘you look like you do’? How do I look?” I question him as I watch him look down slightly before meeting my gaze again and his cheeks redden a bit.

“You’re gorgeous, y/n. Anyone can see that,” He compliments, and I can’t help the blush that rises to my cheeks.

“Maybe they’re right. You like me,” I joke. His blush darkens as he shakes his head.

“I can’t think my best friend is hot? Well damn, what a world we live in,” He chuckles before finishing up his last bit of food. I still had a little bit left to go since I wasn’t taking monstrous-sized bites like he was.

“For the record, I think you are hot, too,” I giggle as I sip on my drink.

“Oh so, you like me now?” He grins as he pushes his food to the side and leans in closer to me, trying to challenge me. I slide my food over as well before leaning in too.

“Wouldn’t you like that?” I push. A smirk falls upon his lips as the tension between us grows. It feels like a magnet, pulling me closer to him and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t stop myself. I let myself get closer to him as he does to me.

“You’re not drunk, are you?” He asks and I shake my head.

“No, are you?”

“No, but I want to kiss you.”

“Then, kiss me.”

[earmuffstar]

glazed eyes, empty hearts

ao3 link!! Summary: Remus lay on the carpet in the Commons, drinking something inedible and trying to figure out if he could saw off his hand. OR: Remus has ways of keeping himself from full lucidity. Janus has some things to say about it. Genre: canonverse angst Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders (platonic dukeceit/demus/intruceit) Words: 1589 Additional Tags/Warnings: Self-Harm, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Mentions of Dismemberment, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Swearing

Remus lay on the carpet in the Commons, drinking something inedible and trying to figure out if he could saw off his hand.

He’d have to clamp his right arm down—since his left arm was stronger—and on a table, probably, for the best angle. He’d use an electric saw, to keep himself from stopping halfway through from the pain. Maybe he’d even get away with it, too: right here on the living room table in the middle of Family Game Night, or whatever the Lights were doing, he wasn't paying attention. The others normally didn’t question what Remus did, whether a product of not wanting to look too closely or because they just didn’t care, he didn’t know. It came in handy at times like this—ha, handy, he should tell that to Pappy Patouille.

“Handy!” Remus screeched. The conversation stuttered like tripping over a stone, tumbling to the pavement, skittering off a cliff and ending up squished in half by a train on criss-crossed railway tracks before resuming its pace as normal.

Remus went back to pondering his drink, now half-empty. He kind of hoped it was alcohol, although even the more potent stuff didn’t do much for him anymore. Maybe bleach, then. He took a gulp. Snapped his fingers and malathion filled the rest of the concoction to the top. Downed the glass. It didn’t taste half bad—he almost wished it tasted worse—but it made his head spin and his thoughts appropriately fuzzy, which was all he needed.

Remus stood up, bracing himself against the armrest as the room wavered, legs quivering inappropriately under his weight. The room continued their conversation—he couldn’t make out the words, not like he wanted to, he was sure it was about Disney or some other unimportant shit—as he sunk out.

The corner of Thomas’ mind which embodied Dark Creativity, forbidden thoughts, the macabre, badness, demented reason, remained perpetually in disrepair. Remus tripped over shards of glass—broken Bud Light’s?—needles, plastic orange bottles, and crashed to his knees somewhere wet, cheek brushing against bones and plywood as his eyelids drooped shut.

~~~

Remus shifted as he came to: alive, in his room, with a mind far too alert and lucid. Had he messed up with whatever he’d drunk last night—accidentally used orange juice or some shit instead of malathion? Remus growled in frustration. The easiest methods of forced mental incoherence—starvation, lack of sleep, the like—always took the longest time to take effect. If he’d paid attention last night, he would have been able to perpetuate the misery longer without this unfortunate break. He’d have to resort to more drastic measures for instant relief.

At least the blackout was nice. He normally didn’t get such an easy reprieve. When nightmares didn’t torment his sleep, the knowledge of coherence and well-restedness it offered did.

Dark Imagination always exhaled cold, stinking of rot and filth, miasma and decay. His thoughts always amplified in his domain, spinning and twisting in a way that felt good—or rather, felt terrible, which was good. Remus sank his foot into the muck, his realm unnaturally still. His creations normally drew into hiding when he came here like this—they didn’t like to see him do this. Welp. Too bad for them.

Here was a total blank slate. He could do anything. Remus’ claws itched.

It sucked how much it hurt, was the thing. The pain was delicious, and he soaked it up, reveled in it like cloth soaking blood, he needed it—but it still hurt, at the very beginning, the moment when knife hit flesh. The physical pain always hurt like hell, but the greater the pain at the beginning the longer it would keep hurting, and if at least some part of him was hurting he didn’t have to hurt a different part again to balance out the hurt in his brain.

Remus heard the footsteps only after rivulets of blood ran down his fingers.

“Remus?” The voice came soft, low, with a hint of a hiss curling the edge of their words. Remus’ blood ran cold, drip, drip, dripping onto the ground, and he grinned a false smile as he turned around—pointless, Janus always saw through him, Janus was the one person who wouldn’t brush off his antics as his simply unfortunate nature.

“Hey, welcome, Janny-Jan! Just messing around, you know me.” Remus was still far too coherent for this, brain just as awake as it had been when he’d woken up feeling nothing unnatural in his system despite the pain. Remus summoned a bottle of arsenic, aiming to chug it, when his fingers grasped empty air. Janus held the bottle away from him with one of his extra hands.

“Give it back, Jan.”

“Remus, this isn’t healthy.”

Remus cackled. The notion of “healthy” deserved that much. “Does it look like I care? Give it back.”

Janus sighed, looking resigned, and Remus knew what was going to happen before it did. That didn’t mean he didn’t struggle as six arms wrapped around him, yanking him from his domain into Janus’ room. Janus deposited him on a bed, holding him down by his arms and ignoring Remus’ pleas with practiced care.

Gloved hands met his own, stopping him every time he tried to scratch his arms, eyes, limbs. Already Remus could feel the effects of Janus’ room sink into his body, denials becoming truths as they healed his wounds, and Remus detested the comfort even as he gave in to it. Janus sat down next to him as the fight bled out of him, its absence hurting somehow more than blood and guts spilling from his wounds.

“Why do you keep doing this?” Janus said quietly, no more to Remus than to the air, but he shrugged anyway. He’d tried for far too long to rationalize his actions, formulate some sort of reasoning, some story, some grand reason why. Eventually he stopped trying, because no amount of reasoning ever stopped him. He would either do something or he wouldn’t, and that was how it worked—whatever thought that had led him to that action could have been fleeting, could have been in response to the opposite inclination, could have been anything. He’d long since given up on trying to understand his mind.

Janus should stop worrying. It wasn’t like anything would kill him, anyway.

“Well!” Remus struggled to sit up. “This has been fun, but—”

“Remus, you can’t—”

“I’m perfectly fine now, so—”

“You’re not —”

“I can’t say it’s been lovely but I should be going, got places to be—”

Janus looked about to explode, or cry, and personally Remus thought the former would be much cooler, wondered how flesh would become explosive, charred, twisted, dead. “We have to talk about this, Remus! I can’t— I can’t let you continue like this.”

Something furious and burning licked through his spine. Remus went still—still like the night, still like corpses buried six feet under the winter chill, still like death. Janus’ expression quickly smoothed over, but Remus was pleased to read fear in the pinch of his brow. “What I do,” Remus hissed, “is not up to you. I am not your charity project, and I understand perfectly well what I’m doing. You don’t get to take this away from me.”

“Remus, you—” Janus’ breath hitched. Remus didn’t— couldn’t turn to look at his face. “You can’t possibly think this is a long-term solution to your problems! ‘Oh yes, continually hurting myself will make my life better, it won’t have any lasting effects on anyone at all—’”

“I don’t want to think !” Remus screamed. He would have glared at the yellow-clad side had exhaustion not burrowed into his bones. Or maybe that was just the blood loss, or the aftereffects of the alcohol. “I don’t want to feel better, I don’t want to feel normal, or healthy, I just want to— to be numb, to be—”

He’d grown too used to incoherence to be able to deal with reality without it. The fact that the poisons gave him an excuse for being a fuck up, and that he’d have no shield, no scapegoat, no backup if he was still a fuck-up while being fully coherent. He didn’t particularly want to stop, not anymore, not for all the effort it’d take with too little payoff—but Remus knew better than to talk about his self-destructive tendencies to Self-Preservation.

Remus turned his back on Janus, though he felt his gaze tracing his spine. He wondered how long Janus was going to sit here with him—Janus knew better than to leave Remus unattended in his room.

Janus stood up abruptly, drawing Remus’ eye. He grabbed Remus by the arm again, and, to Remus' surprise, he felt the vertigo-like falling sensation of sinking back into his own room. Janus released his grip, opened his mouth, closed it again without speaking, and suddenly Remus found arms around folded him in an embrace. “We will be talking about this again,” Janus murmured, before both him and his touch disappeared as quick as it had come. Silence resounded in his wake, and Remus realized he’d been given what he’d asked for—his freedom.

Remus summoned another bottle of arsenic and drained it, relishing the way it instantly weakened his limbs, confused his thoughts. He sunk back onto his bed of corpses and plywood, gaze falling limp over his realm, wind rustling over eyes that saw no sights and ears that heard no sound.

[neon-junkie]

some shy!Flaco and gn!Reader for y’all

Also a modern setting cause I LOVE the thought of Flaco driving around in classic cars with big snazzy sunglasses on 8) 

Modern Flaco is 100% a retired movie star. He used to play the antagonist role in classic western films. Whenever a western came out, people would say "I bet Hernández will be playing the villain again," and surprise surprise, he is. Everybody loves it though, he's good at what he does and very famous for it.

Only issue is, Flaco hates the fame. He played in those movies because he wanted to. The money was a bonus, but the fame is a downfall.

So many people would kill to be in the position he is/was in, and the thought makes him chuckle. It's funny how life works.

Flaco lives in Hollywood, as cliche as it is, but he loves being able to drive down scenic routes, to drive past his old studios and set locations, and to have everything he enjoys at his doorstep.

He owns a really nice 1961 Chevrolet Impala. It's black with a red interior, and he spoils that thing cause it's his one true love.

Flaco rides around often with the top down, cigarette in one hand, other hand on the steering wheel, with some big bad boy sunglasses on. He's quite the sight and he knows it.

But he ignores everyone. Bunch of women fawning over him at the traffic lights? Ignore. Idiot in the car next to him revving his engine, wanting a race? Ignore.

He once accidentally ran over Micah Bell and didn't give a shit. He shouted "watch where you're going, blondie!" and looked in his car mirror to see Micah picking himself off the road. He was fine.

Flaco has a loose routine, and every Wednesday, he picks up Black Belle from her fancy mansion and they go get something to eat. He always picks her up around midday, and their meetups can take anywhere from an hour to all day.

Belle met Flaco many years ago when they were put on set together, and they've starred in a few films over the years. Belle doesn't mind the fame as much, she's happy to sign autographs and pose for photos here and there.

The two usually get some form of lunch together, though most of the time they day drink and get hammered by 3pm. Flaco just gets a taxi back to Belles and passes out on her sofa, cuddling her Irish Wolfhound. He then walks and picks up his car the next day, or the day after, depending on the hangover.

"Where we going today, Hernández?" Belle asks as she gets in his car. It's her usual greeting for him.

"How about we do exactly what we do each week, and drive around until we pick somewhere?" Flaco suggests, as always.

So the two of them do exactly that. They cruize around, fussing over where to eat.

Flaco always keeps a carton of eggs in his glovebox, as gross as that is, just so him and Belle can throw one at Little Boy Calloway whenever they see him. He's a sellout, a washed-up, grumpy old man, and they love to torment him for being such a wuss.

Flaco drives by this small cliche American diner on the corner of one street. As always, the traffic lights change so he has to wait a while, but he'll peer in the window, eyes glistening at that young server inside.

"They're far too pretty to be working in there, BB," Flaco tells Belle, as always.

"Here we go," Belle mocks, rolling her eyes. Flaco does this every week, driving this specific route just so he can enjoy his five-second gaze at you through the window. You've never noticed, surprisingly.

"They'll be mine one day, just you wait," Flaco grins, pushing his sunglasses back up his nose as the lights change to green.

"How about today, huh? Let's go inside," Belle suggests.

Flacos gaze quickly flicks over to Belle. "You crazy?!" He shouts.

"I am, and so are you. Come on, pull up here," Belle points at the car park just down the street.

Flaco's mumbling under his breath but he does it anyway. Belle always gets her way, he's a sister to her, and Flaco's an only child so it's hard for him to deny his adopted blood.

"I'm not even dressed nice. I look scruffy. Why can't we just go another day?" Flaco grunts as he parks.

"You wear the same damn thing every week. Now come on, quit your moaning," Belle says as she gets out of the car.

"No, I don't! I'm wearing new pants this week, look," Flaco says as he points to his jeans.

"Oh wow. New pants that look exactly like your old ones? You're really dressed to impress here, ain'tcha?" Belle teases.

Belle leads the way, hurrying Flaco along, teasing him over and over. "You gonna ask for their number? Ask 'em out on a date? Maybe you can take 'em for a ride? Hm?" She pokes and prods at him. Flaco stays silent, frowning, his sunglasses covering up half of his sulky face.

Belle's energetic when she enters the diner, greeting you with a smile and asking for a table for two. You talk to them in your customer service voice, seating them at a booth by the window.

You know exactly who they are. Who doesn't? Though you haven't seen all of their movies, you know the stuff that they've been in is really good, classic western films. A genre that you've studied at college.

Flaco takes his sunglasses off, placing them on the table. He keeps his gaze down and tries to focus on the menu you've placed in front of him.

"Would you like anything to drink?" You ask them.

"A chocolate milkshake please, sweetheart," Belle smiles at you. You've heard that she's a kind woman but you weren't expecting her to be this friendly.

"Sure. And for you?" You ask Flaco, who keeps his gaze down.

"Ermm. Uhh. I'll just have the same as her," Flaco replies, quickly brushing you off.

You tell them you'll be quick with their drinks and leave them to it. You assumed Flaco was just tired, maybe his reddened cheeks is from the heat outside?

"A milkshake?" Belle mocks once you've gone into the back. "Hernández, you hate milkshakes!" She laughs.

"I panicked, alright?!" Flaco grumbles.

"Why don't we call her back over so you can fumble about even more as you change your mind?" Belle teases.

"No!" Flaco almost shouts. A customer nearby jumps out of his skin, intimidated by Flacos deep and sudden voice.

"Alrighhttttt," Belle grins. "You make sure you know what you really want to eat though," Belle talks to him in a baby voice. It always winds him up but since they're in public, Flaco can't make a scene and playfight back.

You bring the drinks over and the two of them thank you, Belle smiling up at you whilst Flaco keeps his head dipped down. "You ready to order?" you ask, and they both nod.

You take their orders and everything seems fine, so you head back into the kitchen to hand them over to the cook.

"You not want a side order of their number with that, Hernández?" Belle grins again.

"I should never have agreed to come here. You are the most embarrassing woman I've ever met," Flaco sighs, looking at Belle with the most blankly frustrated look he's ever pulled.

All Belle does is grin and enjoy her milkshake, urging Flaco to drink his own.

He does, and he can't handle the sweetness. But Flaco drinks it anyway, not wanting to make any more of a mess than he's already in.

The rest of their time there goes smoothly, enjoying their food and nattering away. Flaco slowly relaxes, but Belle notices the way his eyes flick to watch you every time you appear.

"So, you gonna ask? or have I gotta do it for you?" Belle asks.

"Why don't you feed me whilst we're at it? Maybe drive me to the bar so I can get blackout drunk and try to forget this humiliating experience?" Flaco groans, half chewing his food. He doesn't care and Belle's used to seeing him talking whilst he eats.

"Fine, I'll do it then," Belle rolls her eyes. Flaco goes to stop her but it's too late, she's called you over.

"We'll take the bill when you're ready, sweetheart," Belle tells you.

"Sure, no problem." You're about to walk off but Belle speaks again.

"Flaco, ain't there something you wanted to say?" Belle asks, grinning from ear to ear as the two of you look at him.

"Oh, erm..." Flaco mumbles, quickly wiping the ketchup off his stache with a napkin. "Could... could you send my compliments to the chef, please?" He asks.

"Of course! She'll be happy to hear it," you smile at him, quickly turning away to head into the back.

"Hernández!" Belle kicks him under the table.

"You can't put me on the spot like that!" Flaco frowns, trying to keep his voice down again.

"Fine, I give up," Belle sarcastically sighs.

"You do?"

"Yep," she shrugs. "You've won, Hernández. You'll have to pick them up in your own time," she sighs.

"Hmm. I've known you far too long to know that you don't give up this easily," Flaco squints.

"Nope, I've truly given up. No point wastin' my time when you won't co-operate," Belle shrugs again.

Flaco's suspicious but leaves it.

The two of them pay and leave, giving you a fat tip that makes your eyes sparkle. Belle insists you take it, Flaco nodding in agreement but still staying quiet.

Finally, they head off, leaving the diner and heading back to the car.

"Oh, shit! I left my purse in the diner," Belle sighs. "I'll meet you at the car, alright?"

Flaco's about to say he'll just come back with her but she's already ran across the street, flipping off the stranger that almost ran her over.

Flaco rolls his eyes and heads back. He starts the car, putting on his sunglasses and lighting a cigarette.

Belle comes round the corner, grinning from ear to ear.

'I knew I couldn't trust her, what's she done now?' Flaco thinks to himself.

"Why are you smiling?" Flaco snaps as Belle gets in the passenger side.

"This is for you," Belle mischievously grins, handing Flaco a piece of paper with your number on it.

"BB, why you gotta put me on the spot like this, huh? This is so embarrassing," he shakes his head, taking out his wallet so he can put the piece of paper away safely.

"Oh, don't you worry. They said they get just as nervous as you do," Belle tells him as she puts her sunglasses on, leaning her arm on the car door.

"They do?" Flaco asks, seeming surprised.

"Course. It's that natural attraction, Hernández," Belle teases.

"Oh, shut up you," Flaco swats his hand.

Maybe one day he'll be able to get her back, but for now, he needs to work up the confidence to call you.

[ciceroisthefamilycat]

The conclusion to the VA/BL reread with Silver Shadows and Ruby Circle (here’s the post on FH, here’s the post on the VA closers SB and LS)

I think I forgot to emphasize this in the last post: it is bullshit that Adrian still had the Alchemist-paid-for apartment after the events of “TFH” and only becomes more unbelievable that Trey has it still in “SS”... I do not get it

Like with SB and LS, I would make a lot of plot changes in the adaptation.

Silver Shadows

Fun fact: her golden lily on this book cover actually flashes a little gold in the right lighting, and I love that

This one, especially the majority of Sydney’s stuff in the first half or so of the book, was much better than I remembered.

Adrian’s stuff had me far less forgiving. I realize he’s struggling with a fictionalized elevated form of bipolar disorder and he developed addictions in trying to self-medicate over most of his adolescence/early adulthood so far, but as far as his actions go... the part where he blackouts for something like three weeks while in Sydney’s chapters she’s so certain he’s going to rescue her... it really frustrates me. Especially because Richelle writes him as self-flagellating over it, but Sydney immediately reassures him “oh, no, I just got the gas turned off, you couldn’t have really done anything...” as if those three or so days weren’t a big deal with the way the time crunch worked out later... it’s one of those heavy-handed things where I don’t feel like Richelle ever actually makes Adrian own up to his errors in the same way the rest of the main characters have to. Including: Wesley Drozdov and his motley crew show up again, and Adrian plays big hero and outs their dabbling attempt on Sydney, and then with Keith later on thinks to himself “at least I’d taken no for an answer from girls” as if he hadn’t insistently pursued both Rose and Sydney (including the scene at Alicia’s Victorian inn in IS) and been revealed to have dabbled at least once. Like, good that he’s trying to make up for past behavior, but again and again it comes off to me as glib or insincere (in the way it’s written- that he’s some model that is exempt from causing harm). This especially pisses me off in the way he treats his mom for sticking in a loveless marriage to his dad (did Adrian forget about his mom’s affair with Ambrose btw?) for financial security, and even with the hypocrisy being pointed out to him and him begrudgingly admitting it in his mind, or he drags Nina to Sonya’s to try and get her compensated for her work and she’s all googly eyes at him, but his acts of chivalry feel empty. And this extends to Marcus, too, to a lesser extent. Look, I love Carly (all the Sage sisters mean the world to me) and I’m glad that she became an advocate for fellow survivors and I get what Richelle was trying to do in empowering survivors with Carly’s character, but Marcus’ star-struck admiration of her (being made speechless by her strength) felt weird and make me uncomfortable.

On to Sydney’s stuff, holy hell her side of the story is dark. And this conversion therapy nonsense in it is part of why I desperately want canon queer leads in the adaptation (preferably Sydney herself, which would yes mean Adrian and probably Rose... that’s my prerogative). Is that potentially triggering? YES. But Richelle took that step when she laid it on so thick with the allegory. In the meantime, I love the supporting characters that Richelle drew up to be in the center with Sydney. Emma, Duncan, and the rest (the fellow detainees- not Sheridan... she can burn) and I want more of them (seriously, Richelle made some great underexplored groups with the Unpromised, the Keepers, the Merry Men, and then these additional Rebelchemists). There is a weird mention of Sydney having arranged some supply closets on one of the floors, despite whatever scene she did that in seemingly having been cut (there was also a line Rose ascribed to Victor at the end of Last Sacrifice about sending Jill away, so it’s not unheard of). When I first read the book (with a long break before), the degree to which Sydney was using magic in there felt illogical, but rereading directly from the other books, it is more justifiable. I think the Detainment, and Sydney’s struggles there, is some of the best writing Richelle managed in the books, and I don’t have any changes to that part.

But the escape... is actively worse than I remember it. There are glimmers of some great stuff in there- I mentioned in the last post how much I love when Sydney wakes up Hopper and sobs over him, and that still is powerful. But omfg Sydney (and Adrian) hold up the stupid stick so many times in these chapters. To be clear, first-off: Adrian should have gotten blood before they ever went into the desert. In the worst case, he and Eddie (the night before the infiltration) should have gone off to the side and done a feeding (doesn’t have to be Eddie, since I imagine he actually has a bad reaction to them since FB, but it does have to be someone willing). Eddie would have enough time to recover, especially with adequate food. Setting that aside, the actual events of the escape work for me. So I guess it’s more the after. Sydney and Adrian should have driven straight to Las Vegas (if they wanted to stop in the other town and change clothes and switch cars that’s fine with me- I even like the senior citizen tour they were on; p.s. we never learn if the Ivashkinator was shipped back to Palm Springs or anything, which is very surprising to me). Their decision to stay in a hotel overnight, even as much as Sydney did deserve that kind of relaxation, was stupid beyond belief. I would have preferred they got to Vegas, were spotted by Alchemists but made it to the Witching Hour without issue, and then Adrian got them a room, and that was the point where Sydney relaxed and slept. Consolidate some of that. Let Sydney have her luxury bath, and a haircut from Adrian, and other stuff there. Let her mention to him that the first photo she saw of him was taken near there, and hey, did he know Rose had bought a car in Russia that Sydney loved. And when Adrian goes down to make some money to further their escape, that’s when he realizes they’re being watched- there are too many yellow and orange auras. Let them have a less exorbitant wedding than in the book- no ridiculous mermaid dress that Sydney can’t expect to move in and that is ridiculously expensive (she can still have a beautiful stunning white dress). Let her start with the blue sneakers. Let Adrian find a place to get the ring made, if that’s necessary (or just use the dang cufflinks as are for the time being and pin them to the fancy attire). And Jill sends the chopper directly to the Firenze for an “Italian” wedding. They can still have the showdown with Sheridan on the roof- just simplify everything.

And then when they get to Court- let Sydney do more of the talking. Let her (righteously) call out the conditions in the reconditioning- the torture because she showed empathy to Renee who couldn’t even eat on her own, the torture they inflicted on Emma to break her- she didn’t betray her own kind, the Alchemists are repeatedly betraying their own kind, pushing them into the darkness of an empty hole. Oh, and this necklace around her neck, that Sheridan took for her own before Sydney reclaimed it, the morning glories were painted by the man she loves. And she rejects the Alcehmists having any authority on her. She’s a witch of the Stelle coven; she’s Sydney Sage Ivaskhov damnit. And when her dad tells her that if she doesn’t come with them, these will be the last words she ever gets to say to him? She gets to ask him if he knew what happened to Carly, if he let it happen under his own roof because he wanted a son like Keith more than the daughters he was blessed with. I want Sydney arguing her case, having her real communion. I said the same for Rose and Spirit Bound, and Sydney deserves the same here.

p.s. there are a lot of structural parallels between this book and BP/early SB- Sydney’s reeducation being like Rose’s time in Novosibirsk, the Tasarov escape from SB (which Eddie directly mentions) immediately followed up with a Vegas trip

Ruby Circle

Dang it. Look, I no longer hate the idea of Sydney and Adrian raising a kid. Their ending in RC was a lot better built-up (and a lot less bitter for Sydney) than I thought the first time. But the road to get there...

I hate the Jill being kidnapped by Alicia part (and I don’t buy the Warriors working with her). Honestly, just let them deal with Alicia during the events of Fiery Heart (when next to nothing else is going on). Like, Adrian and Sydney come off really badly in my head for “causing” her kidnapping because of a personal vendetta against them, when they came there to protect her in the first place (I realize the actual fault was with Alicia, but the feeling stands). Also the pointless scavenger hunt leading them from Pennsylvania (so conveniently, even though Alicia would have had to go there to set her traps after abducting Jill in the first place?) a month after the fact to whatever castle (then to Michigan) then to Palm Springs and the infiltrating the Warriors mission... it’s all too much (also I refuse to believe Sydney cast those stinging demons... that’s so dangerous I can’t even). Given the introduction of the Stelle in FH, and the unnecessary Malachi stuff, it works better to do that all then anyways. (I still want Jackie involved somehow of course) Instead of sidelining Angeline at Amberwood, she should get to be involved in the hunt for Jill (same as Eddie was for Sydney).

In other parts... Wesley Drozdov was never a good character. I really didn’t need even a mention of him in this book. I also... don’t buy how stigmatized Adrian was for marrying Sydney. I can see it being a scandal, or a laughingstock, the source of snarky asides and derision, but Richelle never built it in VA or the earlier BL books to being as heinous as she then tried to make it (so that Adrian could feel suffocated by Court, just like Sydney). I would have been much more interested in trying to see Sydney blend in, and take a stand in the Moroi world (and seeing her try to ally with nonroyal Moroi, but that also still not going super smoothly because they don’t like being on the same level as a human), and maybe her trying out her magic with the Moroi fighters that Mia and Christian had formed (that beautiful, blessed little moment), and then if it integrating there didn’t work admitting that it just... wasn’t going to. Rather than not even trying.

I understand that Richelle was building up with Adrian’s fears of completely losing it with Nina, but she just got screwed over in both of these books. (We’re acknowledging that it was wrong of her to kiss him in SS when he wasn’t even conscious, and moving on). And then Olive got screwed. And Neil got screwed. I said before that I don’t mind Sydney and Adrian raising a kid. But I mind a whole heck of a lot that Richelle killed (essentially) Nina and Olive both (in bullshit, tragic ways) and then wrote Neil off so that Sydney and Adrian would have to raise a baby. Let Sydney be pregnant. Let her be recovering from the most traumatic event of her life, she and Adrian forewent protection on their hectic honeymoon/escape, she’s going to be a mom to a Dhamphir and wow that’s going to be weird for her... and meanwhile this allows her to get through to Olive. To promise Olive and Neil that Sonya and everyone else will not use their baby as a test tube. Nina can still go up to the brink (maybe she passes it and the spirit trio of Lissa, Sonya, and Adrian have to heal her), there can still be a Strigoi attack at the Refuge in northern Michigan, but ffs cut the crap treatment of those three to pass on a readymade kid to Sydrian. It is a trope that I loathe. I also dislike the “ohmigod” fangirl characterization of Mallory, and while the Rand stuff was better than I remembered (that is to say, he is terrible and everyone acknowledges that and no one makes light of it the way I misremembered), I could do without it (especially since I’d prefer that if they keep Dimitri and Adrian cousins, they addres it much earlier).

Honestly, I would do the following:

the start of the season for RC (which doesn’t match its name??) has Sydney and Adrian locked down at Court and they can’t help like they want to, so they try to adapt and do what they can there, including Adrian trying to get Nina to calm down; their friends from Palm Springs and Marcus team up altogether and get an infiltration squad with the Warriors of Light; Eddie gets to participate; they rescue Jill, and get some of the data on the Alchemist/ Warrior collaboration

the Moroi Court finally gets into action on the age and family laws in earnest; meanwhile, Sydney is helping carve out a niche for the rebel Alchemists to work with the Moroi, especially for Strigoi hunting groups like what Mia and Christian wanted to organize; Jill and Sydney are helping each other emotionally recover from their respective hostage ordeals; Sydney realizes she’s pregnant, which helps Adrian realize in a dream with Olive that she’s pregnant, and finally sees her location marker

it’s “rescuing” Olive time; Neil gets to go too- with his presence, things don’t all go to shit; there is a Strigoi attack in retaliation for the new hunting groups, but heroes persevere and protect the commune; the data on the Alchemist/Warrior collaboration, and the Rebelchemists work with the Moroi, gives the perfect leverage now to get the Rebelchemists their freedom and establish Sydrian’s future together

SO, after rereading Bloodlines

I dislike Sydrian less than I did, though I still think Adrian could be vastly improved if adapted as a woman

the second half gave Eddie more to do, but still not enough emotional focus on him

man Amberwood and its supporting characters disappeared; I get that Adrian isn’t likely to settle in California long term, but can I please get more resolution to those characters, whether it comes from more focus in IS, or a graduation ceremony or something?

Abe also disappeared which is strange

man, Sydrian have a lot of daddy issues. because their dads are both abusive jerks. but why oh why did Jared end up collaborating with the Warriors for tattoos? was it because of anger over ‘losing’ Sydney or just greed? I’m glad that Zoe and Sydney at least started to heal things, and that Zoe is ok where she is

we still never got answers on who restored Lee... Clarence only showed up for deus ex machina money and shelter and I guess blood (did Marcus ever get to speak to him again?)

minor grievance: Richelle described the Warrior recruits as being almost evenly distributed between men and women, with a slide toward men, before two pages later saying there were 30 potential guys and 13 potential ladies, and remembering that, oh, yeah, the Warriors didn’t really use women on the front line; I don’t want any of that subplot adapted I just... editing?

#DoBetterByOliveAndNinaAndNeil2030 (who gets to name their kid Declan?), #LetSydneyUseHerBeautifulBrain

[brokebuckkmountain]

Need advice desperately, I can’t make a single goddamn decision in my life lately. Could use a neutral party to way in!

pls don’t RB

So. Tomorrow morning I’m supposed to be going on a week long vacation in the woods. No service or electricity, just the trees and floating down the river and drinking all day. I went last year, and it was a blast (my friend’s family is a part of a country club essentially, and it’s their yearly trip. My boss is also a part of this country club). However-

There’s a lot making me anxious to go this year. For starters, I’ve been down pretty bad lately re: my mental health (like almost calling the cops on myself before I did something bad). My friend I’m going with has her own struggles with food and exercise, and she’s usually constantly commenting on my food choices or encouraging me to “burn off” meals with workouts and lose more weight. A lot of our friendship was working out and dieting together, but I had hoped it would stop when she found out about my ED. But she doesn’t think my ED is “that bad”. In general, being forced to eat around a lot of people I don’t know, where I don’t have any say in the food being prepared (the actual members of the country club picked the meals and she and her boyfriend bought all our trip snacks with an emphasis on low cal vegan food) is anxiety inducing for me. That being said, she did tell me last year that if I couldn’t handle eating in a group, we could take off and eat alone in the woods.

I’m also pretty tense in my work situation. My boss is essentially screwing me over, so I’m pretty upset with him despite being outwardly friendly. He’s actually giving my friend the same opportunity I got passed over for, despite being told months ago I was lined up for it. It’s an opportunity for a lot of people, so it’s not like I got passed over because it went to her- that I wouldn’t mind so much, to see her thriving in my place. Essentially every good employee who has been with the company longer than a year got this opportunity, except me. It’s pretty embarrassing to be the only one left out, and some of my shitter coworkers are kind of laughing at me for it. I really feel like I’m in middle school again tbh. I really don’t want those two to be excitedly talking about it, rubbing salt in the wound.

The other big one, the reason I’ve been anxious to go for months, is a little awkward. Last year it was just my friend and I in a tent. This year, her boyfriend is coming. They want to share a tent, although I’m trying to find a smaller one for just myself in my family’s storage. They’re a super touchy couple, grabbing each other’s junk and taking clothes off and making out in front of me all the time. Even if I verbalize that I’m uncomfortable. I think the fact that I talk about sex openly (I mean, I want to be a sex therapist) and the fact that we once played a game of strip poker, makes them think I don’t have any boundaries with them. But I don’t actually want to see it, which I’ve said.

The two of them have been very open, and very pushy, about the three of us having group sex. I probably could’ve shut it down harder, but at first I thought they were kidding and joked along. I also have a really hard time establishing boundaries (something I’m working on), and my closest friends are afraid that if I’m stuck in the woods with them, intoxicated, then I’ll give in if they push enough. They have this mentality that they can “fix me” and make me like things I say I don’t, and apparently when I first met the boyfriend and was blackout drunk (we were all drinking, I just hadn’t eaten enough that day), some stuff happened that I only learned about much later.

My brother offered to go on a mini vacation with me instead, since I have all this time off work. He and I are best friends and do stuff together all the time, so I know it’d be fun. We went on vacation together a couple months ago and had a blast.

But I am the type of person who loves the woods. Most vacations don’t recharge me, unless it’s camping. Something about it just brings my mind a ton of peace. That, plus having a week long break from my phone and the outside world, could be the very thing I need to sort through all the stuff I’ve been dealing with lately. I always come back from camping trips much better adjusted than when I left.

Last year I was similarly anxious about this trip. I didn’t know anyone going, so a week out of state with no phone or car with a group of strangers made me nervous. But I went anyway, and had a great time. Last time it was the fear of the unknown that made me anxious, this year it’s trying to analyze the known stuff and trying to sus out how it will go down.

My friend has a tendency to do whatever she wants, and it frustrated me last year that my days were tied to whatever she wanted to do. A much larger group went last year, so I was able to break away from her and befriend the much older country club members. This time it’s essentially her entire family (who I’m super tight with), my boss and his husband, and one other much older couple. So my options are significantly more limited. And while my boss and his husband are fun party drunks, they’re also only going to be there for like 3 days.

It could be the time off my life and the exact thing I need right now. Or it could be awkward and hard for me. I can make the best of any situation, so I know I’ll be fine, but maybe it would be best for me to just take this time to sort my shit out at home with my biggest supporter and favorite person (the stupid brother).

I thought I would figure it out by now, but it’s the eleventh hour, and I still don’t know what to do.

[boxesblr]

Bonjour, it's Shy for sure!

Apologies for my late comment I had not been notified of that update earlier >:(

I gotta say you really like ripping out my heart huh?? Poor Dumbdog, left out in the cold like that...

Wonder when he noticed others were there, how much joy but also fear there must have been, especially because he must feel he can't approach them after what happened with his friends...

On that note, who were his friends? If that isn't too spoilery to ask of course!

Also, wouldn't they have sort of helped Yeti after he died, at least getting off the barb wire, even if they assume he is gonna revive? 🤔 Especially if they think that? Did they knew he wasn't going to? Were they afraid to touch the body?

Please tell me, they're gonna take Dumbdog with them this time. 🙏 Or at least get him some help so he can be rescued later, this poor wolf man deserves better!

You know, now that I think about it, why didn't he join their team? Fear of being ostracized? The thought that he can do more good if he stays hidden until they need him, sort of like an ace in the sleeve?

If all of them left and Yeti as the traitor was bad, does that mean there is one baddie and one baddie only in Zes group as well? We know Tay is safe, she's defector. She wouldn't have shot Chilled if she was evil, that would have been a very dumb move. Chilled isn't evil either, judging by him literally dying and reviving in front of Ze. Well, at least dying in front of him.

So we got potential for evil in Shubble, Cheesy, Platy, Toast and Aphex. I would love to take Shubble off the list but what if she's an evil medic? And Cheesy could be afraid of dying because his death is permanent!

I hope it isn't Platy, he was being so kind earlier and so supportive of the small wins. Which could be a play, of course. Same as Aphex's joy upon seeing Ze happier but tbh I feel like he's probably safe, unless he is going for the veryyyy long con. Which could be possible technically I guess, i don't know if Ze has seen Aphex die before.

I am side eying Toast very hard, not gonna lie, but we don't know enough about him to determine if he isn't innocent yet. I am keeping my eye on you, buddy.

Enough guessing, I know you probably can't answer all these questions because of spoilers anyway, but it is fun speculating! Especially to see what I thought in the end when everything is revealed!

Once again, I really vibe with the bromance combo, they're just so good, man. Chilled being lowkey scared is an interesting touch and I think it's sweet how he tries to not let it show as to not hurt Zes feelings. Or show a weakness to a person that's potentially dangerous, but I like to think it's the former.

Half-serious thought but if they turn into wolf-hybrids if they get killed by wolfs a lot, do they turn back if they're killed by humans a lot? 😳🤔

As an ace person, I really like the word Aceso but I am curious what it stands for. Is it a real thing?

Ze getting annoyed at being interrupted is so valid though, this group has a habit to do so, which is especially annoying if you try to get out vital information. I feel you, buddy.

Tay WAS right too! In a way at least. Don't know if it's the government yet, but still, they are curious and apparently ruthless as well.

Once again, you ended at a perfect cliffhanger which is honestly so mean T-T

Anyway, great chapter full of answers but also more questions, so I am excited for more!

Hope your day goes splendid!

Hi Shy!! Sorry for the more than late reply, had a bunch of life stuff going on :( Ty for reading and asking, I really appreciate it <3

I'm so sorry for hurting our boy ;-; I can’t imagine how scary that would be, like undeniable trauma and then fear when he sees other people. I wasn’t sure whether to write in names for his friend group, because I did actually watch a bunch of old DumbDog PW streams and it was lots of NLSS crew. Yeti never played with them but I know he likes the game and he’s played with Ze’s group before I believe. I think Skadj and the lots of NLSS members would be his friends, but I don’t have plans to write that! 

I’m not sure how much of the blackout DLC you’ve seen but I wrote yeti to be a Whisperer traitor role essentially, although the game mechanic of having the job pass on to another once the first Whisp dies is… difficult to figure out in the written context. I didn’t write too much of the group’s attitude, but essentially they had become so dispassionate towards humans and their lives that they probably didn’t care for Yeti once they saw him dead. It might also be that they assumed he would revive regardless of their intervention, and escape his own way via his connections. 

Dumbdog’s fate is in my hands and I want him to be happy, but I can’t make promises for his story <3 I can only imagine the distrust he might feel, even after meeting Ze, for a group that clearly has a traitor in it (which he heard from Ze, and also found him incapacitated with the bear trap)

Traitors not being able to revive after death might be a certain point of contention in future chapters, because as you said it does potentially rule certain members of the group out! Maybe a few of them have seen each other die before, or maybe they’re lying about it? I know I’ve focused on certain characters more than others, but betrayal in a friend group is sure to sting regardless. After Chilled, Aphex has known Ze the longest, but that might not mean much when it comes down to it.

I am an unquestionable bromance fan and love writing them. In recent streams I’ve noticed that evil or good, Chilled has a soft spot for Ze that he doesn’t for others, so I wanted to write that in for sure. He’s loud and paranoid and a sicko (affectionate) but I think he can be softer for Ze!

The effects of being killed by humans a lot is… an unknown, but I wrote a small addition in my initial post way back that maybe a certain someone would be interested in that idea and how it relates to retaining humanity :o

Aceso/Akeso was a goddess of wound cures :D I was shopping around for ideas for what a forum might be called relating to immortality and thought it sounded pretty! There’s probably more suitable names or more deeper meanings but honestly I just liked the idea :) 

Ze gets interrupted and talked over so much and I relate so hard to his frustration! I love writing alongside things that have happened in real life and thought it was a nice detail. 

Sometimes Tay has some really good intuition, I only hope it leads her to the right conclusions…

Sorry for the cliffhanger, I’m glad you enjoyed, and thank you so much for the ask <3 I hope you have a great day!!

[anotherobsessedsomething]

Hi! I’m sorry to ask but can you please tell me what the Viv and Tobias new sl is on UU? Or do you know where I can find info on it?:( I have only read that they broke up but I can’t find any additional information. Thank you ✨🙏🏽

Hey, that’s a long story but I’ll try my best. :D So Vivien’s new colleague Sebastian is into her and he tried to subtly break them up while playing all friendly with Tobias at the same time. For example he sabotaged their dates by either asking Vivien for help with a social project for homeless people they were doing or going golfing with Tobias so he forgot his date with Vivi.

Then there was a situation where Sebastian and Vivi were taking shelter in some hut because it was raining while they were on their way to a award ceremony because of their project. They had two little bottles of champaigne one with alcohol and one without because Vivi usually doesn’t drink and Sebastian “accidentally” switched the bottles so Vivi got drunk (since she isn’t used to it) and they kissed. Vivi of course felt terrible about it and tried to find a way to tell Tobias but Sebastian told Tobias about it before she could, saying he felt “so guilty about it” because Tobias is his friend and stuff. Of course Vivi got really angry at Sebastian, but he refused to believe that she doesn’t want to be with him and that she loves Tobias and that the kiss meant nothing to her.

If I remember correctly it was even Tobias birthday that day and they had a costume party (all women wore angel costumes, all men wore devil masks). Tobias got really drunk and freaked out completely. He calles Vivi a slut on T-Time and shamed her in front of everyone.

Vivi of course was completely finished after that and left and went to Leni’s place (with Leni and Nika who took care of her). She went on about how Sebastian is an asshole and that she’ll never want to be with him. Then a man in a devil mask gave her a beer (presumably with knock out drops and presumably it was Sebastian because he knew about the party and where the costumes were) and she was so frustrated that she drank it. Of course she got really drunk (at least that’s what she thought) and went to sleep in Lenis bed telling Leni and Nika to go back to the party.

Then after a while when everyone was gone, the door opned and a man in a devils costume came in and raped her while she was barely conscious. In the next morning she didn’t remember at first, because she had a blackout. So did Tobias who was found with an open trousers in the living room of the flatshare in the morning. Tobias apologized to Vivi about what he said on T-Time and she explained the situation with the kiss and they made up. But shortly after Vivi had flashbacks of that night and started to realize what happened. She asked Tobias if he knows anything about the night and that she thinks that they might have had sex while she was unconscious. Tobias still doesn’t remember and Vivi is still not sure, but in the end Tobias says that he thinks that it has been him who did that to her, because everything fits. He was really drunk, he was angry, he was searching for Vivi that night (leaving with the words: She’ll get what she deserves now) and wasn’t seen again after that etc. Of course he feels terrible about it but to his surprise Vivi tells him that she wants to forgive him and that they should just move on and forget it.

But she realizied she can’t and has a breakdown. Sina comforts her and Vivi tells her everything and Sina made it clear to her that what happened to her really was rape even if it was her boyfriend and even if she loves him and that she can’t just go on and pretend it never happened. So she confronts Tobias and breaks up with him. Tobias hates himself for what he presumably did and moved out (he moves in with Easy and Ringo). Ringo is basically the only one who kept a clear head and tells Tobias (who really thinks he did it) that he can be an asshole but he would never rape someone and that they actually don’t know anything apart from that Vivi was raped by someone wearing a devil mask and that there has to be a different explaination.

Of course we all (or at least most people I can’t speak for everyone :D) think it was Sebastian who actually raped her, because as viewer you could see dark hair behind the mask. Of course Vivi couldn’t see that and also I don’t think anyone thinks about that Sebastian knew about the costume party and could have sneaked in yet. Especially because he is still acting friendly and caring towards Vivien, saying he is worried about her etc. Also considering the spoilers Tobias really didn’t do it but there are no spoilers about who did it yet, just about that Vivi is still trying to find her rapist and is trying to remember the night etc. Also in the new episodes there is a video of the rape online, so maybe that will be how they find out that it must have been someone else because right now everyone besides Ringo (and maybe Easy after what Ringo said) thinks that he really did it.

In my opinion it’s a really cool storyline with a lot of potential and the acting of Sharon (Vivi) and Patrick (Tobias) is amazing. I really love watching it even though it’s a tough storyline of course. I actually don’t know where you can watch it because I don’t think anyone is uploading their storyline but I know that @drea-46 posted a view scenes from the party and the scene where Vivi got raped but I didn’t come around to translate them yet. I hope this was still helpful and feel free to ask again if you are interested in how their story continues. :)