#I may delete this later I'll see

[yana125]

Today I experienced the... not the worst day of my life at my workplace but I just got a slap from my own limitations and the spiral I can go down so easily because of the most trivial thing, and as a second slap I witnessed how fast it could have been solved and avoided? For short 2,5 years ago I'd been tasked with an important administration thing. I'd known the moment my coworker gave me this task before she left, believing in me that I can do it, that I wouldn't be able to do it. I know myself. But people just... believe that I can do things? And I hadn't wanted to dishearten her or my boss, because I'm also afraid to disappoint the people who I admire and cherish. So with the tightness of anxiety in my chest I'd said yes to this task. And for 1,5 years I could do it. I'd updated this important administration thing, I even had fun annoying my coworkers with me showing up each month. But then last autumn it just... I just couldn't do it anymore. I got frustrated because of the most trivial thing. Each year I had to rewrite this important administration thing into an other important administration thing. Keep the data that stayed for the next year, add the new data as it arrived during the year, repeat next autumn. Each data is seperated by months and if the page is filled I flip the page and continue writing the month there. And what was the most trivial thing? I didn't know how much space I should leave for the data that would arrive during the year. Should I keep one page for the month or two pages? If I leave one page and it fills up where would I write the new ones? If I leave two pages what if no new data would be added to that month? I just wasted a full page in the important administration thing. And I'd started copying the remaining data into the new important administration thing during last autumn but because of this frustration I'd started spiraling down and photocopies of new data were given to me which had frustrated me even more, but I'd been thinking that I would wait until the end of winter when I would get only a few new data so I could count how many pages I would need.

Sike! I'd put the important administration thing into the closet! And what I don't see it doesn't exist! And I'd completely forgotten about it for weeks. Sometimes when I remembered my procrastination kicked in. Then I forgot about it, then procrastination again, then summer break, then BOOM! Full on anxiety! I only had a few weeks to finish! I couldn't finish it in a few weeks! It was too much! Spiraling, spiraling. Then my boss' deputy asked if I wanted to write this important administration thing next year too. And I was like no. No way in hell. This important administration thing appeared in my mind one night when I almost fell asleep and it made me so anxious that I couldn't relax enough to finally fall asleep for an hour. I do not want it. And I gave her this barely written important administration thing with so much shame and self hatred that I can't even tell you... Everyone would be disappointed in me, my boss would be disappointed in me, and as I said I'm afraid to disappoint the people who I admire and cherish, and every time I remembered this important administration thing I couldn't help but imagine how angry they would be. I couldn't even talk to my boss and her deputy for a whole day. Then today the deputy asked me to help her with this important administration thing because she'd never done anything like this before so I went to the office and showed her which data should go where and like.... It was going so fast all of a sudden? There was no problem with my gigantic trivial thing? And nobody was angry at me, they only said with the kindest voice that I should've told them earlier. And I should have buuuuut I'm afraid to disappoint the people who I admire and cherish. My worst enemy is myself. So thank you, no more important administration things, just my own little administration things connected to only my little space in my workplace. My procrastination is still present, but at least I can catch up to myself more easily with that.

[pocketgalaxies]

i'm gonna scream though, actually

[that-was-anticlimactic]

i wanna make a b.sd kenji week. idk how to do that but like. i think there should be a b.sd kenji week...

[muninnhuginn]

having to make myself just pull back a second and go for "simplest explanation that fits all the facts and isn't accidentally inferring beyond the facts we do have".

[sucrows]

Not so casual reminder to once again, not interact with me if you are a minor

Not on anon, not off anon. I don't care if you think you are mature enough to do so. I can't stop you from reading, but *please* do not try and interact with me.

It's something that genuinely makes me feel disgusting. It really kills motivation to write and answer asks.

It's a boundary, respect it.

(regular pinned)

[araiz-zaria]

So many People are saying that this is a "Rap Civil War" but lbr, this is a Rap War of 1812 (Drake is CANADIAN FFS), except that... • A Canadian (Drake) attacked first. • The American (Kendrick Lamar), who is mind you(!) known for keeping to himself, (rightfully(!)) hit back. • THERE'S NO DRIVING BACK KENDRICK (ergo, no White House burning this time 💀🔥🔥 ...Drake wished he could do this rn!! 🔥💀🔥 )

[lucyvaleheart]

.

[piritos03]

Me *reading local news*: i have to leave this country asap

Me *looking at my thesis*: nvm i will rot in here

[justashamwithwastedpotential]

Rotating Lance in my mind to Maxwell the Cat

[redcallisto]

OTL

How the hell did zines accept me when my art used to be shit years ago, and now i can’t seem to get accepted? Man. I just wanna draw mahito or horror mahito for a fun project and i’m being locked out lmao. Now that I’m really confident in my work no one wants it, even though I make bangers  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  It’s been forever since I’ve been in one i’ve cared about and I’m just not right for the ones I like apparently. Fuck this I’m so sick of literally nothing happening. There’s still a whole month to go before we start deso e7 production; I feel so empty constantly creating for myself with no one to give back, no one to work alongside

[yourockthebeatofmyheart]

I miss my tiny bestie

[longagoitwastuesday]

I was watching the James McAvoy version of Cyrano de Bergerac thinking his acting gave big Megamind vibes and I just realised Megamind is a version of the play in a way

[that-was-anticlimactic]

actually, no. you know what? i am so sick of this “marinette is just a friend” bs. okay. cool. adrien said she was just a friend a few times. whatever. it’s not that big of a deal and everyone in the mlb fandom like. hyperfixates on that??? idc if it’s a “just a joke” because it’s utterly ridiculous at this point. i have literally seen people go on heated rants about how stupid or clueless adrien was during the umbrella scene because he called mari just a friend. are you kidding me??? y’all are really going to take away that moment for him? he just made like his first ever friend in nino and when he called her a friend, he looked so excited because this boy has only ever had one friend before. of course he’s going to call mari just a friend because he just met her and the only time she’s actually spoken to him outside of the suit at this point is to yell at him like... y’all...

and this is not me hating on mari because i love her so so so much. i just hate how passionate and heated fans get about this. i mean... y’all... adrien didn’t even think mari liked him??? like, in puppeteer two, he is literally upset because he came to the conclusion that mari hates him. also, of course he’s not like in love with or crushing on her when she’s barely spoken actual sentences to him! again, not me hating on mari and her nerves because like i get it, it’s hard. and also this is like adrien’s first time interacting with people as peers, so 1. of course romance is not his main priority 2. he doesn’t understand social cues or situations very well At All which is made abundantly clear in the show 3. i don’t... i don’t think adrien knows what affection is??? i mean, he’s definitely learned some over the course of the show, but he’s used to a neglectful / abusive father, his stoic assistant, his bodyguard who doesn’t really talk like at all, chloé being chloé, and hoards of fans declaring that they’re in love with him, hanging all over him, acting like he’s a shiny thing rather than a person, etc... so like. how is adrien supposed to actually comprehend that mari likes him???

and okay no my last point: so so so sick of the double standard. i have seen countless people rant and rave and scream and shout about how stupid adrien is for not returning mari’s feelings or knowing he has a crush on her and then these same people will turn around and berate chat noir and say things like “gosh ladybug isn’t obligated to return his feelings:/” like... hELLO??? why is ladybug not obligated while adrien is??? it’s ridiculous and disgusting and i’m so so so tired of “just a friend” jokes on tumblr, in art, in fics, in youtube compilations... like... can’t we be normal about this? and i don’t mean normal as in “casually enjoy” i mean normal as in can we stop being so aggressive and harsh and hostile towards literal fourteen year olds my God they’re children they’re allowed to make mistakes and mess up and my God the way y’all talk about lila is disgusting, too like i hate her but i don’t want her tortured and killed??? and the way people characterize the classmates as physically and verbally assaulting mari because of lila??? like... my God they would never??? they would all honestly side with mari chameleon is a bad episode and is poorly written and everyone is out of character please use your critical thinking skills and understand that chat noir is not harassing ladybug anymore than mari may be harassing adrien (aka they are not harassing each other at all my God) and stop insulting and demonizing fourteen year olds so your otp can get together thanks

[rosewheresheshouldntbe]

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[tsvai]

well it was kinda involved but i got tumblr-utils set up and did a test run of it by backing up my old art blog, and i'm generally pretty happy with how it came out.

w/ the tag archive being a thing, i can live with this.

[iti-iskuna]

i hope you know i'm still here. i hope you know you can call me anytime. i hope you know i still care about you. i hope you know i never left.