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jenscx · 2 months

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LUCID DREAM — ning yizhuo

it’s been years without ning yizhuo in your life. it feels surreal; the day you walked out without an explanation. but just the thought of being able to see her again, it draws you back into the endless loop of loving her.

TAGS — angst, exes to ???, insecurity, model!ning, ambiguous ending, mentions of alcohol, making up, jmj wedding (we don’t actually get to witness it tho)

WORDCOUNT — 7.4k

you stare at the wedding invitation, written neatly at the top, the invitation is addressed to a ning y/n. you want to cry. the invitation clearly stating your ex’s name makes your heart clench uncomfortably. it’s a blaring reminder that your relationship ended and you’re no longer living in your childhood fantasy.

“fuck,” you swear, “fuck you, kim minjeong.” you want to murder minjeong, but who were you to ask minjeong to stop reminding you of your bitter ending? especially since it was your own impulsiveness that had ended the relationship. you could have been more understanding towards yizhuo, could have tried her best to resolve your conflict, but no. instead, you ran. ran like the coward you were.

you remember the brokenhearted look on yizhuo’s face, the devastated glimmer in her eyes before she had flipped her expression to another, like a switch. or more like a broken one, your brain offers unhelpfully. of course, the quiver of her lips had given yizhuo away almost immediately. you had known yizhuo for a third of your life, obviously you could tell when your soulmate– or in this case, ex, was about to break down.

you wish you had stayed, and simply comforted your soulmate like old times, but you couldn’t bear to watch yizhuo cry, because of you. you remember the look on your friends’ faces when you told them that you broke up with yizhuo, all the words they had yelled at her for betraying yizhuo. you remember the anger directed at you by yizhuo’s parents when you had sent them an apology letter. through the post, yizhuo had told you, letters felt more sincere than emails.

but perhaps the worst reaction wasn’t from any of them, it was simply from your own cat. meowing viciously when you had picked him up, bringing him together with you. the scratches lining your arms only serve as a constant reminder. mao, your british short haired, was desperately attached to yizhuo (and she was the one who named him too. what absolute luck.) his hostility could only be reasoned that he knew his owner had hurt yizhuo. if a silly little cat knew the extent of the breakup, what could that mean for you?

“wallowing in your grief again? that’s not good for you,” you peer up at chaewon, the only friend that somehow wasn’t connected to yizhuo. chaewon takes a quick glance at the invitation and giggles, “you’re going? i hope you survive, you haven’t paid this month’s rent yet.”

you merely sigh.

“the place’s gonna be filled with people who hate my guts, you really think i’m going? minjeong probably only sent this to piss me off.”

chaewon frowns, “you don’t seem pissed off, just sad. honey, you have to let me know if they’re bothering you, like actually. it’s not your fault, well– maybe it is, but you’re suffering too. it isn’t nice for them to do this to you.” you shrug in response. you deserve it. you deserve every stab in your heart, you deserve the tears that escape in the middle of the night.

“let’s drink tonight, okay? we’ll put on titanic or something and cry about life while eating ice cream,” chaewon offers. maybe it’s the thought of getting drunk, or titanic, or crying in your friend’s arms, but the offer is appealing and you find yourself agreeing too soon.

you can hear chaewon do a silent cheer. it makes you smile slightly and gives you enough energy to pull yourself up from the floor.

“i’ll go get the soju, just lie on the couch and relax!” you follow as your friend says and lie on the sofa you had picked out together after mao’s claws had sunk into the leather, ripping it to shreds. the cat was a brat.

doesn’t this remind you of something– or someone? the voice in your head quips. you groan, why couldn’t your head shut up sometimes? your heart drops as you recall the conversation between your parents when you had told them you broke things off with yizhuo. you remember your mother’s expression; disappointed and upset, a stark contrast to when you had told her that you finally found someone. the proud look on your father’s when you introduced yizhuo to them, god, why the fuck was yizhuo such an amazing girlfriend?

you caused this. you want to scream ‘no’. you’re the one who dumped yizhuo. who are you to be upset over thi–

“y/n? hey, stop thinking about it,” chaewon pouts, “don’t make yourself even more sad!” you blink back into reality and at the sight of chaewon puffing her cheeks out, holding two bottles of soju and a large bowl of popcorn, make you want to coo at the girl. you push the thoughts of yizhuo to the back of your head as soon as the opening to titanic appears on the screen.

you two laugh sometimes, mostly chaewon, but it’s quiet throughout the movie and you can’t tell whether you’d rather have chaewon’s comments about how cute the actors are or the silence that allows you to delve deeper into your thoughts. you take a sip whenever chaewon mentions how in love jack and rose are.

when you blink, it’s already at the part where jack allows rose to get onto the wooden door, while he stays in the freezing water. chaewon throws popcorn at the tv, apparently already drunk, screaming at rose to quote, “fucking move her ass,” for jack to get on. you take a large gulp of soju in the midst of chaewon’s sniffles.

“y/n…i can’t believe it… she just let jack die!” chaewon cries out, “the love of her life, she just let him go! how could she just let him die?!” you nod, trying to drink the already empty bottle of soju.

when you stand up, the whole room swirls and you stumble back onto the couch. “don’t let her go, y/n!” you jump at the close proximity of chaewon’s voice, “don’t let the love of your life go!”

you hum in agreement and scream, “i won’t let her go!” determined, you pick up your phone and the selfie of you and yizhuo greets her. you miss her, don’t you? of course not. you don’t miss her at all. change your homescreen then. you wouldn’t.

you roll your eyes and enter kakaotalk.

y/n [11.38pm]:

i kiss you

i miss you*

read [11.39pm]

“i did it, chaewon!” you exclaim, “i didn’t let her go!”

drunk you is apparently an idiot, since we all know, if a ‘i love you’ can’t solve a crack, obviously a ‘i miss you’ wouldn’t be able to solve an earthquake.

i miss you too. i miss you so much it hurts. but how could you say that, when you’re the one that left me first? yizhuo doesn’t cry as much anymore. she doesn’t sob into her pillow in the middle of the night anymore. the couple posts that appear on her instagram feed doesn’t make tears well up in her eyes anymore.

it still hurts. hurts as much as it did before. and yizhuo might just have to live with that pain everyday. the misspelt word makes her heart throb, in affection and pain, because she could imagine your voice in her head. are you hurting as much as she is? it doesn’t make the stabbing pain in her chest any better to know that the one she loves is suffering.

yizhuo stares at the glaring light from her phone. i miss you. really y/n? she wants to scoff. you were probably drunk out of your mind and sent that text on a whim. or maybe it was meant for another girl. the thought makes yizhuo want to cry.

is there someone else you call ‘baby' now?

fuck, you think, oh fuck. the read blaring on your phone, as if mocking you.

“shit,” chaewon groans, holding her head, “what happened last night? did we accidentally kill someone?” you wish you did. you take a deep breath, and scream. if the neighbours show up the next moment, it’s totally because of the night before, and not your scream at 8 in the morning.

you calm down. eventually. you calm down after chaewon grabs your shoulders and wiggles you back and forth, yelling for you to get your shit together. it only worsens the raging headache the both of you have. if rent wasn’t so high nowadays, you would have immediately fled and lived alone. kim chaewon with a hangover was not a good sight.

“whatever! you drunk texted your ex! whatever! hashtag yolo right— ah fuck, the room is spinning,” chaewon shrieks, “ugh, why did we drink so much?! but! your life isn’t over! so what if you texted her? it’s okay, we stay delusional and pretend things never happened!”

despite the wacky talk chaewon gives, it actually helps. texting yizhuo, while drunk, was a mistake. you nod hastily, “i get what you’re saying, but please let me go.”

chaewon loosens her grip, pursed lips as she huffs, “the most badass thing you can do now is go to the wedding.”

your eyes widen, “what the hell? kim chaewon, are you crazy? no, you’re insane.”

your roommate only grins lazily, “it came with a plus one invite, right? i’ll go with you. it’ll be okay! and don’t you wanna see your friends again?”

“i do, but most of them hate my guts,” you wince, recalling the angry messages left by aeri and minjeong, none from jimin, that probably speaks for itself what she thought of you, “they were yizhuo’s friends first, and mine second. when it comes to things like this, they would, rightfully so, take yizhuo’s side.”

chaewon whistles, “yeah it’s not looking too good for you right now.”

you flop onto the couch, sighing, “if i see yizhuo, i’ll freeze up and make a fool of myself.” your hands fly to rub at your eyes, groaning miserably, “i guess i’m not over her.”

chaewon slides into the space next to you, scoffing, “you think? having her number saved and pinned is crazy and the last time we talked before this, you were in love with her. what happened?”

your heart constricts painfully. you never spoke about your breakup to anyone, only asking chaewon if she still needed someone to split rent with. the moment you had uttered those words, you had left the shared apartment with yizhuo, not turning back to watch the love of your life collapse.

“i…” your throat dries up, “i was in love with her, i guess i still am. i don’t doubt that she felt the same for me, but maybe not anymore. our relationship was the best thing to ever happen to me. the happiest years of my life were when i was with yizhuo. she made me feel alive.”

tears prick at your eyes involuntarily. chaewon’s gaze is full of pity and comfort. sympathy. no one else gave you that.

“she wanted to get married, chaewon,” you whisper, “she was ready for marriage. i wasn’t.”

“oh.”

“i saw her looking at engagement rings one day and god, it was like, how have i never noticed before? she always shows me videos of weddings and how she would want her wedding to be like, but i never stopped to think whether i wanted marriage. i didn’t know what i would say if yizhuo just proposed. would it have hurt less for her if i said no rather than breaking up with her?”

chaewon presses a comforting hand to your shoulder, sighing, “i’m sorry, i literally see two of you right now but i’ll try to articulate this as best as i can.” her words draw out a hollow laugh from you. “you just weren’t ready yet, and yeah, you should have communicated that to her before jumping in to break up, but have you ever thought that you weren’t ready because you didn’t love her enough?”

you swallow, tears flowing down your cheeks freely, “n-no, i love her. she’s my favourite person. i love her so much, too much even. but getting married? that’s a lifelong commitment. i just didn’t know if she was sure that she really wanted to spend the rest of her life with… me. she has her whole life figured out. she’s a rich model who could have anyone else. we were childhood friends first, before girlfriends. and now she’s certain that she wants to marry me? what if there’s someone better for her out there? she’s only been chained to me because we got together so young. i just… had to let her go.”

“commitment issues,” chaewon states, “you have severe commitment issues.”

“i guess so,” you let out a watery laugh. your roommate chuckles, “you want her back?”

“yeah, i’m desperate.”

“let’s go to the wedding.”

you send a small smile to chaewon, “thanks, roomie.”

“i saw the invite by the way, and damn, are your friends rich? don’t get me wrong, i’m going as your moral support but the free buffet too—”

“i’m literally going to strangle you.”

yizhuo twirls the pen in her hand, watching it glide across her fingers and abruptly landing on the wooden table with a thud. she couldn’t stand seeing all the wedding preparations and chose to hide in jimin’s study. the door creaks open, a figure stands by the doorway.

“hello jimin unnie, aren’t you meant to be looking over the finishing touches of your wedding?” yizhuo asks, her smile dimming as she thinks about marriage. jimin frowns, “minjeong’s doing that. she told me to come check up on you.”

“me?”

“i know how you feel about weddings. we all do,” jimin says bluntly. yizhuo’s lips fall into a thin line. of course her friends were aware. they helped pick out the ring for god’s sake. the weight of a velvet box lying in her bedside table haunts her dreams.

yizhuo stands up from her desk, inching closer to jimin, a faux smile on her face, “you don’t have to worry about me. it’s your special day after all.”

“not yet, but let me worry about my friend for a while more before i get married,” jimin mutters, “minjeong sent an invite to y/n.” yizhuo’s whole body tenses up. a blurry image of you appears in her brain. she immediately shuts that down.

biting the inside of her cheek, yizhuo turns away from jimin with folded arms, “and? did she say she was coming?”

yizhuo hears jimin’s hesitance.

“just say it.”

jimin clears her throat, “she’s coming with a plus one.”

a distant thought forms. a plus one. your new girlfriend? did you find someone else? were you coming to the wedding to flaunt your new lover? yizhuo wasn’t dumb, she knew that her friends disliked you, heavily. minjeong most definitely sent out that invitation with disgust. jimin told her what minjeong had said to you. aeri had barely brushed it off, saying you weren’t worth her time scolding, despite the chain of messages she sent. she knew that you were aware they hated you. why would you come to the wedding?

“i-i’m not sure what’s their relationship, but her name is kim chaewon and oh my god, minjeong’s gonna kill me, y/n requested for a shared hotel room,” jimin utters out nervously. yizhuo’s eyes turn into slits. a shared hotel room?

“i see,” yizhuo says indifferently, contrasting the feelings bubbling inside her, “that’s good to know.”

jimin places a hand on yizhuo’s shoulder, “hey, it could all mean nothing, i don’t want you to get hurt again.”

“does it matter when i’m already like this?” yizhuo retorts back.

“i hope you don’t do anything stupid. before everything, you’re still my friend. if y/n showing up makes you uncomfortable, i’ll tell her she’s not invited,” jimin says softly, “minjeong will understand. you come first.”

“it’s your wedding, jimin. i won’t be a burden to you guys. it’s your day,” yizhuo mirrors jimin’s frown.

jimin’s shoulders slack.

“it’s not about that,” the older girl retorts, exasperated.

“what is it about then?”

“i don’t think minjeong will stay neutral and be calm when she sees y/n,” jimin groans, “she’ll probably pick a fight with her and i don’t want my wife to be stressed and angry on her wedding day.”

yizhuo can’t help teasing jimin, “wife, huh?”

jimin smirks, “yes, wife. you know last week, minjeong called me—”

“oh kay! i think you should go!” yizhuo yells, saving herself from the details of her friends’ intimate lives. jimin cackles maniacally as she leaves the study. yizhuo sighs and leans her head against the wooden door. jimin’s footsteps can be heard as she walks downstairs, along with the voices of her friends. they’re all scattered and anxious, she hears the distant shouting of minjeong and aeri. despite the noise around her, yizhuo feels somewhat at peace. for now. she doesn’t know what she’s going to do the moment you come to the wedding.

because despite what everyone else says, yizhuo cannot move on. you were literally half of her life and more. when you had uttered those words of devastation, it was like the world had ended. a terrible nightmare that tortured yizhuo every single day. was she too overbearing? sometimes— well, last time, you had mentioned that she was a very affectionate and clingy girlfriend. was that the sole reason? yizhuo frowns. no, that couldn’t be. you were equally as physically needy as her.

maybe you had found someone new? the plus one that was coming? that didn’t seem plausible either. if you were cheating, yizhuo would most definitely know and you abhorred cheaters anyway.

as she wrecked her mind for reasons, a common past time she developed after you had left, the constant rewinding of the conversation had been engraved in her brain eternally.

(yizhuo had just gotten off work, a smile on her face as she entered the house, heels clacking against the floor. the thought of you waiting at home impatiently for her only brought her smile to widen. maybe you would run up to her and embrace her warmly, complaining about how long she took. yet, neither of those happened and she’s left staring at you, hunched over, at the dining table, a suitcase packed by your side.

“what are you doing?” she had asked curiously. were you going on a trip? begrudgingly, you had gotten up, a sombre look on your face as you whispered, “yizhuo…”

that ticked yizhuo off. you never called her yizhuo. it was always baby, honey, sweetheart. but never yizhuo. it sounded so foreign and cold coming from your lips.

“what’s wrong? is everything okay?” she asked.

your face contorts into one of utter desperation and heartbreak, “i think we should break up.”

yizhuo’s mind had gone blank. she had never anticipated hearing those words from you. break up? that wasn’t in her future with you. her heart clenched uncomfortably against her ribcage and her throat constricted, to the point she couldn’t mutter a single word.

taking advantage of her silence, you run your fingers through your hair, the hair that yizhuo would so lovingly comb through every night as she whispered words of devotion into your ear, “i want to break up.”

“no.” is the only thing yizhuo can say. wide-eyed and stupefied, “no.”

you look as stunned as she is, yet the stark difference between the two of you, are the tears that threaten to tip over at every passing second in your eyes.

“yizhuo,” you pleaded, “i’m sorry. i can’t.”

“why are you doing this?” she croaked out, demanding an answer. the weight of the velvet box in her purse felt like it was dragging her down to the darkest pits of hell. she couldn’t imagine something like this ever happening. you were meant to be her happily ever after.

“i—”

yizhuo couldn’t stand it anymore. “tell me why you want to break up!” she yelled, the confusion and fatigue of her body overwhelming everything.

“i… please… don’t make this harder than it already is.”

“you don’t love me anymore? you found someone else?” yizhuo accused. of course, none of these were the true reasons. you couldn’t even look at yizhuo in the eye before murmuring an apology again and grasping the suitcase in your hand.

“i love you,” you had whispered at the door, “i’m sorry.”

yizhuo doesn’t even respond. pure shock overtaking her as she watched you leave. the moment the door had closed, sobs took over yizhuo as she collapsed on the floor, heartbroken and devastated at losing the love of her life.

if you truly loved her, you wouldn’t have left so easily.)

that statement plagues yizhuo’s mind for the next few years. it replays in her head repeatedly, like a broken mantra. she knows that it’s unhealthy; to be thinking of you every night before she succumbs to a dreamless sleep. yet, sometimes, yizhuo prays that she might be dreaming, and when she wakes up, you would be right by her side. jimin thinks she should get a therapist. but yizhuo doesn’t want to get over you. she fears that you might just become a hazy memory, lost in anger and grief. she doesn’t want that to happen. because despite everything, the pain you have caused her, she still loves you.

it’s strange, the way love works. yizhuo hates you for doing this to her; ruining her for anyone else because if they even bore a similar trait to you, she would just break down. like the blind date aeri had set her up on long ago. fresh out of the breakup, and with extreme bribery and convincing, yizhuo had met shen xiaoting, one of aeri’s friends, over dinner. aeri had said that maybe yizhuo needed someone closer to her culture, and with the homesickness she felt constantly, the lack of comforting words that you provided, yizhuo agreed.

that date was the whole reason aeri stopped asking yizhuo to go on blind dates, for when xiaoting had mentioned that she liked cats, yizhuo had started bawling, the memory of you playing with your own pet cursing her mind.

it was embarrassing to say the least, and even more embarrassing to explain to xiaoting that it wasn’t her fault. the poor girl had thought yizhuo had something against cats. aeri apologised endlessly as yizhuo cried, with an awkward xiaoting patting her shoulder. at least they became friends.

maybe, with the support of her friends, yizhuo would be able to stand the sight of you at the wedding. it would be totally fine! and if she sees you with someone new, maybe, just maybe, it would give her the motivation to finally get over you.

honestly, screw everything. you literally hate chaewon right now. thankfully, jimin and minjeong had provided a one night stay at the hotel. your apartment (and mao) was being taken care of by sakura, one of chaewon’s friends. there was apparently a party before the actual day. you assumed they would just want a shared bachelorette party. however, your self-proclaimed wingman was cozying up to one of the guests. by her straight posture and gentle expression, she was probably nakamura kazuha from high school. yizhuo was friends with her, you remember.

you couldn’t believe that all those words of encouragement had flown out the window the moment chaewon locked eyes with the ‘love of her life’. you roll your eyes, already annoyed with your friend. somehow, you still hadn’t spotted yizhuo amongst the crowd.

most of them, you didn’t recognise. some, from high school and college. the rest, probably family members. maybe some faces stood out, like shin ryujin from history class or jang wonyoung, the valedictorian. but mostly, unrecognisable. from the various mops of hair in the crowd, you spot uchinaga aeri’s infamous smirk. you wonder where the rest of the group are.

you sigh, taking a lonely sip of the champagne they provided. at least it was good.

chaewon’s obnoxious laughter fills the area. it’s loud and irritating, or maybe you’re just easily annoyed right now. kazuha just stares at her, all confused. it’s a little funny.

“y/n.” a steely voice rings out from the crowd. you whip your head, heart racing at the familiar but dreadful tone.

“oh,” you whisper, horror-stricken. you weren’t prepared to meet them now!

the older girl merely stares at you, before you bow your head hesitantly, “congratulations on your marriage.”

jimin visibly loosened up, her eyes twinkling and shining with adoration, “thank you.” perhaps out of all of yizhuo’s friends, jimin was the one who hated you the least. she didn’t bother scolding you or cursing you out, only choosing to glare at you.

“i think we should talk,” she finally says after a moment of silence. you wholeheartedly agree with her. if you were meant to see yizhuo tomorrow, you definitely needed another friend that wasn’t chaewon.

she brings you out of the function room, the starry night sky being the only company outside. jimin takes a long gulp of her champagne.

“why’d you really break up with yizhuo?”

the patiently and dedicated stitches of a sewed wound are ripped apart, directly exposing your bleeding heart and emotions. everything comes falling apart the moment she asks. you can only stare at her.

“i… i made a mistake,” you shake your head, “i wasn’t ready.”

jimin, patient as always, hums, urging you to continue.

“she wanted to get married. i didn’t,” you say, with grief and regret lacing your every word, because everything would be fine if you had just talked to yizhuo.

“we helped her pick out the ring,” jimin adds. you only feel more guilty.

“i can’t give her the life she wants, unnie,” the endearing term of intimacy slips out, a cry filled with desperation, “she deserves the world and i can’t give her that.”

“you were her world. it’s that simple. she only ever wanted you.”

hurt gnaws at your heart, it’s palpitating with raw stabs that echo of your heartbreak.

“i don’t deserve her,” you sigh, “i had to let her go. i couldn’t bear to see the look on her face if i refused her engagement.”

jimin nods, “i understand your fear. but i hate the fact that this could have been solved with an explanation.”

you groan, anger coursing through your veins. you were so upset and narrow-minded at the time. the only solution was to seemingly break up with yizhuo. it would spare her the everlasting pain from a rejection of her proposal.

“i know, i just couldn’t at that time.”

the older girl tries to smile. it’s akin to one of those encouraging ones she would give right before an exam or test. it sparks a shiver of nostalgia.

“jagiya, where are you— oh.”

jimin quickly straightens up, swiftly turning around to face minjeong with a grin, “hey, mindoong.”

you tense up, your fingers wrapping around the glass tightly.

“glad you could make it,” minjeong’s eyes flicker up and down your body, venom evident in her tone as she hisses, “y/n.”

nodding, you reply, “thank you for inviting me.”

the tension is overbearing; with minjeong’s glares, jimin’s beaming smile and your awkward shuffling, you couldn’t wait to retreat to the comfort of your hotel room.

“where’s your girlfriend?” minjeong suddenly asks. you stare at her, confused, “my what?”

jimin’s eyes widen as she hastily pulls minjeong aside, frantically whispering in her ear. but like the past, jimin has never been a good whisperer. you catch phrases like ‘she might not be her girlfriend’ and ‘what if yizhuo hears?’. a looming sensation brews in your stomach.

“kim chaewon? is that her name?” minjeong asks harshly, “didn’t take you to like korean girls, i thought you liked chinese girls instead.”

you’re visibly taken aback. what was minjeong saying? chaewon? your girlfriend? since when was chaewon your girlfriend?

“uh,” despite your fear of minjeong yelling at you, your words come out firmly, “chaewon isn't my girlfriend.”

minjeong falters slightly before scoffing, “yeah right. you don’t have to lie now. we all know that you left yizhuo for some other girl.”

your heart stops. what?

what was she saying?

leaving yizhuo for another girl?

“i— i would never… that’s—”

“minjeong unnie, that’s enough.”

you’ve thought of this moment forever. every single day after the break up. you’ve thought of running back into her arms, apologising endlessly for even thinking of breaking up with her. you’ve thought of how she would accept you graciously with murmurs of comfort, because that was just how she was. a gracious and generous girl who deserved the world. you’ve thought of her bright smile and gleaming eyes.

you’ve never thought of her staring at you, a dull and saddened look on her face.

“ning—”

“minjeong unnie,” she pleads, “please.”

the watery gaze must have swayed minjeong over. you would know, having fallen prey to her puppy eyes before. yizhuo slides the door open, watching intently as minjeong and jimin leave.

“good luck,” jimin whispers just before she steps away. you think you need all the luck in the world right now.

yizhuo lets out a heavy sigh once the door slides closed. she gazes at you for a second. you’re taken back to your younger days, where every day was spent just staring at yizhuo. you had proclaimed confidently that yizhuo was the most gorgeous girl on earth. you aren’t wrong. the years you spent apart from her had done her generously. it had only been two, yet, yizhuo looked more mature and sure of herself.

“did you really find someone new?” she whispers, shattering the glass of ignorance. you swallow, shaking your head, “no.”

yizhuo thinks back to the drunken message you had sent.

“was that on purpose? that text you sent,” she asks, eyes wide and afraid of your answer.

you shake your head again, “i was drunk. i’m sorry.”

“i hate you, you know that right?” yizhuo says. before, you had imagined the piercing stab of pain that came with those words. you had thought it would be the end of your life, with the girl you loved the most saying she hated you.

it’s understandable now, and inevitable.

“i know,” you whisper.

yizhuo continues to stare at you. somehow, this all feels like a fever dream, one that she’ll wake up from soon. it feels unreal to have you in front of her again.

she takes in the sight of you, memorising every detail for if you leave again.

“why’d you come then?”

there are many reasons that you can say, with varying degrees of truthfulness; to congratulate jimin and minjeong, to see your friends again, to just visit your hometown.

“i wanted to see you.” it’s the truthest thing you’ve ever said.

“you can’t,” yizhuo inhales sharply, “yo-you can’t just show up like this.”

“i know, i’m sorry.”

your head hangs lowly.

“tell me the real reason why you left.”

you had expected this.

she would want closure.

your throat constricts uncomfortably.

“i… yizhuo…”

“tell me.” it feels similar to your past.

yizhuo looks as beautiful as ever. she’s the only thing you can think of right now. her lips are moving, yet you don’t hear a single thing.

“i didn’t want marriage.”

oh.

the girl’s eyebrows furrow. her eyes turning into slits of anger as she takes in a deep breath. you know she’s about to start tearing up. maybe you should quickly explain yourself.

it’s your only chance.

“i saw you looking at engagement rings and i knew i wouldn’t be ready if you got down on one knee. you’re a model, for god’s sake. you had a prospering career, being tied down to someone like me wouldn’t bring you any benefits,” you finally say. it’s not the full reason why, but you hope yizhuo would understand even a semblance of your choice.

“i know that it’s a shitty excuse. i know that i’m a coward. but what else was i meant to do?”

yizhuo huffs.

“talked to me. you could have talked to me.”

you resist the urge to roll your eyes.

“would that stop me from breaking your heart?”

the love of your life stands before you. yet, it seems like the only words of devotion you’ll exchange is how devoted she is to hating you. yizhuo crosses her arms, frowning, “yes. i’d much rather have a minute of heartbreak than years of it. you’re such a prick.”

“yizhuo—”

“no, you don’t get to do this,” she points a finger at your chest, prodding the area where your head resides ferociously, “you can’t just come back, explain yourself with an extremely stupid reason, and expect that i would be okay with it. you sent me a drunk text, saying you missed me. how come i don’t feel anything?”

“i love you, yizhuo. i just did what i thought was right in that moment—”

the only thing you can hear is your heart shattering into pieces at the sight of tears falling down her face. yizhuo sniffles, her voice becoming shrill as she adds on, “you’re an asshole. you think you’re the only one in this relationship? you didn’t even explain yourself properly. you think you’re making the right choices for us? for me?”

you continue to stare at her blankly.

the next words come out like a gunshot, “then you don’t know me at all.”

it snaps onto your skin, leaving a scathing burn and engraving ning yizhuo’s name into your body. your insides coil up painfully. hearing yizhuo’s cries as you left years ago had been torturous, but nothing beats her breaking down in front of you right this instant. you’re overcome with a striking urge to pull her into your arms and whisper words of affection into her ears, promising her to never leave. the pet name leaves your mouth quicker than you can think.

“baby—”

a sharp stinging sensation sears in your right cheek. you can feel the affected area heating up, scorching hot and red. yizhuo’s handprint is evident, singed in your skin.

an onslaught of tears rises, but you’re determined to not let them fall.

“okay,” you whisper, unable to say anything else to the equally stunned yizhuo, “i’ll leave. i’m sorry.”

the girl just stands outside in the cold, her eyes bloodshot and cheeks rosy from the wind. before you go, the slight shiver that runs through her body makes you hesitate. the comfort of your jacket feels like a heavy burden now.

maybe you would get slapped again. but at least yizhuo wouldn’t be cold.

gently taking it off, you encase yizhuo in your jacket, biting your cheek (which still hurts!) to resist a smile at how it covers her small figure. she gazes at you like a deer caught in headlights. you sigh and try to move your legs, but they feel like jelly. with much difficulty, you finally make it to the door, using the frame to stabilise your wobbly walking.

when you turn back, yizhuo isn’t staring at you, but she’s staring at the night sky, more specifically, the moon. you take one last look at her. the weight on your shoulders is gone now. and all that is left is a longing feeling to have yizhuo back in your arms again. but maybe, you could live with that.

sliding the door open, you go back into the function room. the crowd had dispersed, leaving just a few people chatting around. you spot jimin and minjeong talking while drinking. aeri’s at the bar, engaged in a conversation with a waitress. chaewon, god bless her, is relatively nearby, while kazuha is nowhere to be found.

“chaewon,” you breathe out, relieved. she turns to you, startled, “oh damn, what happened to your face? you look a little…”

“i know,” you laugh dryly, “i think it’s time for us to leave and go to sleep now.”

chaewon doesn’t argue and instead nods, her eyes drawn to the reddening mark across your cheek. even in the dark light, she could still notice the imprints of someone’s fingers.

“she slapped you?” she asks while you head towards the elevator.

“yeah,” you scratch the back of your neck, “we kind of… argued.”

chaewon laughs heartily at your misfortune. you’re glad at least this brings someone joy. maybe minjeong too. she would love to see you in pain.

“i think you should get some rest buddy,” she pats your back. you nod, feeling as if sleep was just an arm’s reach away.

the conversation with yizhuo had drained you significantly, both mentally and physically. and maybe you should put some ointment on the red area too. you might wake up with a bruise or something tomorrow.

the urge to flop into bed is too strong as chaewon slides the keycard into the slot. the door opens, revealing a luxurious hotel suite with a king-sized bed. you remember requesting for a shared room. it was to mainly prevent yourself from doing anything reckless when drunk. you’d have chaewon to keep you grounded.

“did you get kazuha’s number?” you ask as chaewon throws her face cleanser at you. the girl giggles, “yeah. she’s so cute.”

you subtly cringe at the lovestruck look in her eyes.

groaning, you head into the bathroom. your eyes widen as you prod at your cheek, shocked that yizhuo landed such a heavy hit. damn, has she been going to the gym lately? the yizhuo back then barely had any strength to resist your tickles. there wasn’t any surging hot anger left from yizhuo slapping you, just a dull and yearning hope for her. maybe you should calm yourself down by taking a cold shower.

after dowsing yourself with water, you padded out of the bathroom, only to discover that chaewon wasn’t hunched over her luggage anymore.

you check your phone.

chaewon [10.27pm]:

zuha texted me, staying w her for the night

there’s ointment on the bedside table

for ur stupid face

bye :p

wow. chaewon had managed to do that within a day. staying at a girl’s hotel room? you whistle lowly. maybe she was onto something. but with her departure, the hotel room feels too quiet now. only the breezing and fluttering sounds of the airconditioning accompanying your thoughts of self-loathing. collapsing onto the bed, you reach out for the ointment.

just as you unscrew the cap, the doorbell rings. you don’t recall ever ordering room service. maybe it was chaewon and she forgot something?

you turn the door knob, not bothering to check who it was.

“chaewon—”

ning yizhuo stands before you, glassy eyes and a look of desperation that you’re familiar with.

“oh.”

she shuffles awkwardly, gesturing at your cheek, “are—is it okay? does it hurt?”

gulping, you shake your head.

“can we talk?” she asks, in the quietest voice ever, her words coming out shaky and breathless.

you open the door wider.

yizhuo mutters a soft, “thank you,” as she enters the room. you quickly send a text to chaewon telling her not to come back.

“did you put any cream on it?” she asks.

“no, not yet. i was just about to,” you reply quietly. the tension from the heated argument from before had disapparented, only leaving a strained relationship behind.

“can you sit down?”

you follow her instructions dutifully, sitting right at the edge of the bed. yizhuo lifts the ointment up, squeezing a bit on her finger before gently rubbing it into your cheek. it hurts, but the softness of her touch heals the area.

wincing as she applies more pressure, you can only stare at the girl.

“i’m sorry,” she whispers.

“it’s okay.”

you want to pull her into your arms.

you want her to lean onto you.

you want the feeling of her skin against yours.

“i was really hurt.”

“i know.”

yizhuo sighs, her hands dropping.

“i can’t believe you left me so easily.”

your chest tightens at the devastated tone in her voice. it wasn’t easy, you want to say. but it doesn’t feel right to defend yourself now.

“i thought it was the right thing to do.”

yizhuo lifts her head up, “why didn’t you just tell me you didn’t want to get married?”

“i don’t know,” it comes out in a hushed murmur, “i didn’t want to tie you down. you had a lot more things to accomplish.”

“i’d rather have you and nothing than losing you and having everything.”

the confession goes unsaid. because you’re her everything.

“i’m sorry. you just had your whole life in front of you and i was in the back. i… i didn’t fit into your life.”

the girl takes everything in. you were just so afraid then. scared that once you said yes to her proposal, yizhuo might realise that you weren’t the one for her. you’d rather be away from her, than be with her and make her unhappy. you didn’t want to live a miserable life where you hated each other.

“you don’t get to make that choice for me.”

“i know, yizhuo.”

yizhuo’s eyes are brimming with tears. her raven hair covering her face partially, but you can feel the pain radiating off her.

“you know that i would have been happy just being with you?”

“i know.”

“god, you still left like it was the easiest decision of your life.”

no it wasn’t, you again want to protest.

“you know that even in another life, i would choose to just have you by my side, even if i lose everything else? don’t you understand the extent of my love for you?”

it’s so surreal— the way yizhuo is practically begging for you to realise that leaving her was the worst possible choice for you to make.

“i love you too much.”

“then why’d you leave?” she asks.

through tears, you shakily breathe out, “because i love you too much.”

the lack of past tense doesn’t bother you, nor does it bother yizhuo. it’s a given that you’re still madly in love with the girl, and vice versa. it only leaves the question of what will happen now. yizhuo doesn’t say much afterwards. it’s the truth. you love her too much that you couldn’t bear to see her suffer because of you.

“i was so ready to marry you, i bought a ring,” yizhuo mutters, shedding tears. her sniffles aren’t concealed by the low humming of the air conditioning. it feels too real.

“forgive me, please,” you say.

“i can’t.”

the hotel room goes quiet.

“that’s okay,” it’s hard to say. you want to protest against everything, beg yizhuo to take you back and you could live your happily ever after with her.

it doesn’t happen. you don’t fall to your knees and plead.

you only stare at yizhuo in a mix of fear and longing affection. it pains you to see her so broken, and it only drives the knife further into your heart to know you’re the reason why.

“i’m so tired, y/n.”

you nod, feeling the fatigue seep in.

“me too.”

“can i sleep here tonight?” yizhuo asks softly.

you nod. there were still things to talk about, but you think you’ve done a decent job so far. pulling the covers over your bodies as yizhuo slides into the bed, you relish in the warmth and comfort of having her beside you again.

she turns her head to look at you, uncertainty filling her voice, “let’s talk more in the morning. i’m tired now.”

you agree with her wholeheartedly, inching closer to fit against her back.

as yizhuo’s eyelids flutter shut, you caress her skin tenderly. your index finger writes against her back, strokes lining her skin.

我爱你.

i love you. it’s one of the many phrases you’ve picked up throughout the years of being with the girl. she only taught you silly words and swears, but yizhuo had insisted you learn how to say and write those very words.

it’s fitting, because it’s all you ever feel for her.

because of yizhuo, you’ve had the opportunity to experience having a soulmate for almost your whole life. because of yizhuo, there’s no lingering doubt of being unlovable. because of yizhuo, you get to spend your days filled with happiness.

because of yizhuo, you understand what love is.

you just hope she understands you too.

#aespa x fem reader #aespa x reader #ning yizhuo x reader #yizhuo x reader #ningning x reader #aespa #ningning #ning yizhuo

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mj0702 · 27 days

Text

The other Bronze – Pt. 22.2

You on the other hand quickly weaselled your way out of Camp Nuo basically unseen since you knew the corridors now like the back of your hand tears pricking in your eyes. You speed walked through the carpark not caring how the game ended or that your sister, Keira, Alexia and basically every Barca player was already on their way to the Munich locker room to check up on you. Lucy herself ditched every fan that called out for her to get to you as quick as possible just wanting to know what was going on with you. She was majorly concerned for you since she never expected you to go up against Jana like you did. So when she blazed through the door of the opponents locker room door and she saw neither you nor G she called out

“I hope you don't do what I hope you're never doing!!” Lucy said trying to sound as light as possible knowing you well enough if she would had the hint of accusation or anger in her voice you would shut down

“We're not...” Georgia said opening the door to the separate room hobbling to her cubby

“Where's Bubs?” your sister asked confused looking inside the room before sitting down next to Georgia

“We... had words I guess...” your girlfriend sighed as she hid her face in her hands

“Tell me everything G...” Lucy was surprisingly soft seeing in how much distress her friend was

“I didn't handle it well that she attacked Jana like she did... I basically told her to start using her fucking brain and that we agreed that when I step on the pitch I'm not her girlfriend” Georgia said tears starting to pool in her eyes – again

“Oh G...” your sister sighed knowing

“She ran... and obviously I can't follow at the moment... I mean... she didn't really ran.. she walked out...” your girlfriend swallowed hard “... I couldn't have catched her even if I tried”

“She'll be back.... she needs time to cool off...” Lucy said softly when she saw how G was beating herself up

“I fucking hope so... we're flying back out tomorrow morning... I can't stay here this time...” Georgia said wiping her tears away with the back of her hand “... I don't want to leave this to boil just under the surface”

“Hm...” your sister hummed “... so... first fight eh?”

“Yeah...” your girlfriend nodded sadly “.... it's a fucking shitty feeling”

“Oh don't I know it... Keira and I didn't fight a lot but when we fought them fights could've been declared wars...” Lucy tried to cheer her friend up a little bit

“Oh we know... whole team could hear you the one time at camp...” Georgia smiled a little bit “... wasn't it about something stupid like dessert too?”

“So your reason to fight with my sister is better?” your sister challenged raising an eyebrow

“No...” your girlfriend sighed out

“In a relationship you'll always fight over stupid stuff G... important is that you don't just pretend nothing happened later but talk about it... and if it results in another fight you'll just give both of you the chance to cool off and you try again...” Lucy said softly “... you two are meant for each other G... if you ever tell someone I said that I'll get you assassinated... but you two... you'll get through this”

“I don't know Luce...” Georgia said defeated “... I can't even follow her... I told her I'll never let her run and I just did just that”

“Not because you wanted G.... she knew you wouldn't be able to follow her” your sister said calmly “... we Bronzes... we have the habit of running when we know we can't get chased... If it doesn't work out for you two to talk until you have to leave tomorrow we'll be in Munich in a week anyway...”

“What if she doesn't come home until you leave too?” your girlfriend asked even tho she was a little scared of the answer

“Oh that won't happen... and if I have to send police after her....” Lucy waved off “... Alexia has a lot of connections and her name is so big she basically gets everything from everyone... I bet if she asks the King for a crown she would get that too”

“I need to talk to Jana...” Georgia said quietly “... I want to let her know how sorry I am”

“I'll arrange something... but she knows” your sister smiled before standing back up clapping her friend on the back “... I need to go back outside – ditched all the fans”

“Wait... I wanna come too... at least I can sign some stuff... some of the Bayern fans travelled here to see us play... not many but I think they would like a selfie or something”

“You're always your awkward with selfies” Lucy pointed out as she offered her friend her shoulder to lean on

“I'm better than your capitan...” Georgia said a little offended “... she always looks like she's dying inside”

“Yeah... good point” your sister said after a second “Oh and G... no word to Kei... she'll freak out if she finds out Bubs is gone and I'm coming back out and sign stuff instead of running around Barcelona looking for her.. I'm fond of me head and don't want me ex-girlfriend to chop it off with her hand...”

“She still has your balls in her purse” your girlfriend smirked but then screeched as Lucy suddenly let go of her and stepped to the side unimpressed

“Ehrm....” Georgia heard someone clearing her throat behind her and the fans in front of her suddenly had dark looks on their faces

“Huh?” your girlfriend turned around surprised to find herself face to face with a very shy Jana “Yes? Wait... Sí?”

“I'm...” Jana said in a small voice and G saw how the young girl was fiddling her hands behind her back “I'm very sorry... I really didn't mean to... I really thought I'd still get the ball”

“You... speak english??” Georgia asked surprised “You speak very good english...”

“My girlfriend is dutch” Jana said unimpressed “I NEEDED to learn english”

“Oooooh... riiiiiight... Jilly-joord right...” your girlfriend perked up happily “... and about the other thing... don't worry... all good... I've been known to collect yellows for stupid tackles”

“I'm really really sorry” the young defender said again

“Don't worry... it's not bad.. just bruising..” Georgia waved off as she heard a rude comment from one of the Bayern fans “Ey... sag sowas nicht – sie ist viel jung und unerfahren und es war keine... intension”

“Absicht...” Lea corrected her teammate as she walked passed “... und du... selber besser machen und dann darüber urteilen”

“You... maybe wanna... shirts?” Jana now asked shyly lowering her head

“Sure...” your girlfriend smiled widely “... not to sound ungrateful... but my best friends kiddo is a big fan of Aitana... you think....”

“Of course... wait a second” Janas eyes sparkled happily after she and G swapped Jerseys and she immediately took off towards her teammate “TANA!!!”

“I'm surprised Bitsy isn't out here sulking” Keira said quietly next to Lucy as she signed some more Jerseys

“She's.... sulking inside” Lucy quickly answered – too quick

“Lucia....” the blonde warned her voice low

“I... over there... yes” your sister said a little embarrassed pointing further down the line trying to make a quick exit

“Oh the hell no...” Keira quickly snatched her ex-girlfriends jersey keeping her in place “... spill”

“Nothing to spill...” Lucy said quickly as she saw Alexia “... hey Ale... I need to talk to you for a second”

“Lucy!!!” the blonde englishwoman sneered but your sister already freed herself and jogged over to their capitan

“Sí?” Alexia asked confused

“I need your help but you can't tell Keira...” Lucy said keeping her voice down “... Bubs ran... she and Georgia had a fight and she ran... you know people... can you maybe ask them to keep an eye out.... but not trying to catch her... just if someone sees her so we know she's okay and where”

“You stand here signing Jerseys while my Cariño is running around Barcelona??” Alexia asked shocked

“Ssssshhhh....” your sister shushed her capitan and looked around scared if Keira heard it but to her relief the other english player kept on signing jerseys and taking selfies

“Why aren't you freaking out?” Alexia asked bewildered

“Because it wouldn't help anyone... I'm freaking out on the inside believe me... but it wouldn't help G who already feels extremly guilty and it wouldn't help me because Kei would rip my head off for not freaking out enough..” Lucy said lowly “... not to mention what Ona would do to me if she finds out I lost her precious Bebita”

“I can see why you keep quiet” the blonde spaniard grinned before getting serious again “... you have any idea where she could have gone?”

“Not a clue...” your sister shrugged

“Okay... let me call Olga she has even better connections” Alexia said before she quickly walked down the tunnel

“Great...” you groaned annoyed “... got lost again... okay... think y/n... what can you do now....”

“Hola... ¿Estás bien?” an old lady looked at you curious

“En realidad... no... Tuve una pelea con mi novia.. Corrí... Me perdí... No tengo idea de dónde estoy y le dejé mi teléfono a mi hermana porque soy un idiota” it just broke out of you and you felt your tears prick in your eyes again

“Oh mi pequeña neña” the elderly woman said sympathically “Vamos... te haré un granizado de limón”

“Gracias...” you mumbled sniffling

“De Nada neña” the woman smiled warmly

“Mi amiga siempre me llama nena” you mumbled

“Entonces ella te tiene muy cerca de su corazón....” the woman smiled pointing towards a small patio which had two chairs and an old small table on it

“Oh this is amazing” you groaned happily after you took a sip of the spanish drink

“Qué?” the woman asked confused

“Lo siento... esto es realmente bueno...” you said quickly

“Gracias ... hablas muy bien español para una extranjera” the older woman smiled

“Tengo... familia aquí...” you hesitated when you said family

“¿Por qué dudaste? ¿No son buenos contigo?” the woman asked seriously

“Ellas no son familia por sangre” you said carefully

“No importa si de sangre o de corazón... lo importante es que te sientas seguro y en casa con ellos... que te apoyen en lo que hagas... que estén ahí sin importar lo que necesites” the woman said smiling understanding now what you meant

“Gracias... muchas gracias” you sniffled emotionally and the elder woman smiled at you friendly

“¿Podemos llamar a alguien que conoces?” the woman asked friendly

“No... Olvidé mi teléfono con mi hermana...” you said quietly

“Tienes un nombre?? tengo una agenda” the old grey haired woman asked

“Eli Putellas?” you asked carefully and the face of the woman lit up

“Eli?? Ella vive tres casas más adelante” the elder laughed

“Qué?” you asked surprised

“Sí... ven uno...” the woman smiled and stood up while you followed wordlessly

“Hola Eli” the elderly woman greeted an other woman who just opened the door

“Hola Guadalupe... ¿Qué puedo hacer por ti?” the blonde woman asked and you immediately saw where Alexia got her looks from

“Este pequeña salió corriendo de casa y dijo que ayudarías....” the grey haired woman said and you stood a little bit behind her chewing on your lip nervously when Eli mustered you up and down

“Gracias Guadalupe... Sé a quién llamar para asegurarme de que regrese a casa sana y salva...” Eli smiled and just with Alexia you knew it wasn't a smile from the heart instead a calming one for the woman in front of her

“De Nada Eli... adios pequeña neña” the elder woman smiled and squeezed your cheek while you force a smile on your face

“Gracias.. muchas gracias” you fake smiled and winced a little bit at the strength she squeezed your cheek before she left

“I'm gonna call Alexia that you're here” Eli said shortly and you innerly cringed

“Thank you” you mumbled ashamed

“You know they're scared for your well-being right... Alexia called me hours ago” the eldest Putellas looked at you with slight disappointment in her voice

“I'm sorry...” you said even more ashamed

“We're going to talk in a minute.. I have a phone call to make” Eli said firmly pulling out her mobile waiting for the call to connect “Tu Cariño está conmigo... no me preguntes cómo llegó hasta aquí pero está salva... no Alexia... dame un tiempo a solas con ella...”

You pulled a grimance knowing the oldest Putellas will go all momma bear on your ass – probably worse than Keira would

“Sí... una hora” Eli nodded “T'estimo fins a la meva estrella”

“So.... let's talk” the eldest Putellas looked at you expectantly “Why did you just run away?”

“I had a fight with my gi... friend...” you said and quickly corrected yourself

“You do know my daughter is like a gay icon right? I have no problem that you have a girlfriend” Eli said softly immediately after hearing how you corrected yourself

“I don't know if she's still my girlfriend...” you said and you felt the tears coming back again

“Because you had a fight? Oh pequeña... in every relationships fighting is normal... have you ever witnessed how much Alexia and Olga fight? No? Believe me.. they do.. It's not pretty... both of them are hot blooded if they wanted to be... but they always end up together communicating... and that's what you will do to... Alexia is on her way to bring you home.. none of them is angry with you or mad – they were just scared... but they won't held it against you... you will talk to your girlfriend tonight and you'll get it out of the way” the oldest Putellas said softly

“What if she doesn't want to be my girlfriend anymore?” you mumbled ashamed starting to chew on your lip again

“Over a small fight? Then she might be the biggest idiota on this planet” Eli said softly “And she wouldn't be worth your love mi sol...”

“I should've acted more grown up...” you mumbled

“But you are not... that's what you both need to understand... you are a teenager – a very mature one of what I hear – but still a teenager....” the eldest Putellas smiled “... you both need to grow into this relationship... grow with each other... I mean... Alexia once fought with Jenni over the last piece of Canelones... it was ridiculous... it wasn't a small disagreement – it was a full fight... and as hard as it was for me I let them sort it out themselves...”

“Really?? Over food?” you raised your eyebrow bewildered

“Sí... both of them are very stubborn... and both of them can eat a lot” Eli chuckled “... so you will go with Alexia when she arrives and just talk to that girl... communication is the most important part”

“Muchas gracias” you mumbled a little ashamed for making a big deal out of nothing

“No need pequeña” Eli smiled and the door bell rang

You heard Eli speaking in hushed spanish and you knew she was talking to Ale. You knew they were talking so lowly so you wouldn't understand anything but still you picked up the one or other word. When Alexia finally entered the living room where you were seated she had a look of love and concern on her face

“Cari.... what were you thinking??” the blonde asked softly

“Alexia...” Eli scolded her daughter immediately “... Vaig dir que la deixes en pau”

“Necessito saber què estava pensant per saber on portar-la... la porto a casa... o a la Lucía... o la porto a casa amb mi” Alexia said quickly after she flinched shortly at her mothers scolding tone

“Both of you realize I do understand quiet a bit of catalan right?? I don't want to go to Luce... I rather go to Keira” you grumbled a little offended

“It's my mothers tongue... it's not to offend you you baby...” the blonde rolled her eyes and you knew whatever happens you'd always have her in your corner

“I'm not a baby” you exclaimed and missed the fond smile on Elis lips while Alexia pinched your cheek grinning widely

“I could be your mother” the blonde laughed loudly at your shocked face

“EW!!!!” you screeched disgusted

“When you were born I just started dating Jenni...” Alexia was still laughing

“... yeah well... she would be such a cool mom” now it was on you to snicker

“disculpe????” the blonde exclaimed

“Ugh... my all time favourite word of all words...” you rolled your eyes

“Come on Cariño... let's get you home sí?” Alexia said softly knowing you just tried to buy time

“Do I have to?” you asked insecure

“Sí... it doesn't get better if you wait longer” the blonde pulled you up and into her side keeping you close to her “It'll be okay... I promise Cari”

“If not I tell the court I want to live with my other mom in Mexico” you grumbled making Alexia laugh

“I'll tell Jenni... she'll be so happy” the blonde laughed as she slowly walks the two of you towards the door stopping quickly at her mothers to press a loving kiss to her cheek “Gracias mamí”

“Siempre mi amor... asegúrate de que cuiden al pequeña....” Eli smiled lovingly

“Promesa mamí” Alexia smiled back

“Ale... what if I just fucked up the best thing I ever had??” you asked your voice a little scared

“You didn't Cari...” Alexia chuckled “... you had a fight... that's normal... you just need to talk about it to Georgia okay... she feels very bad too... you both got emotional and while I don't support your reaction and you DEFINATLY will talk and apologize to Jana you and Georgia both reacted a little bit over the top”

“You promise everything will be okay?” you asked in a small voice

“Sí mi Cariño... I promise” Alexia smiled encouraging “... and don't tell your sister I said that... but make-up sex? Better than any sex you could think off”

“Really??” you perked up before faking being disgusted “.... I mean.... Ew... sex.... ew”

“Your sister is not around... you don't have to pretend...” the blonde said flatly when there was a knock on her window “Jesús y María”

“Ehrm... can I speak to Bubs for a second?” Lucy looked past Alexia smiling at you in the passenger seat

“Where did you even come from??” Alexia panted still recovering from her shock

“Came up the road” your sister shrugged her shoulders making you chuckle

“You saw her didn't you...” the spaniard looked at you with a raised eyebrow

“I didn't need to see her... I can feel her whenever she's close” you grinned “... it's just how we always were... saved me ass quiet a few times”

“It's scary” Alexia mumbled

“Oh it's very convenient” you shrugged your shoulders

“Bubs? A word?” your sister interrupted your small talk with her capitan

“Sure...” you said a bit unsure as you exit the car “Moohchas grazias Ale”

“Stop butchering my language” Alexia yelled after you but you heard the smile in her voice

“Yeah...??” you shuffled in front of Lucy

“Relax... nothing bad... come on Bubs... let's take a little walk shall we” Lucy smiled throwing her arm around your shoulders pulling you forward

“Now I'm really scared” you mumbled

“No... but let's talk about what happened back at Nuo.. why did you run Bubs?” your sister said carefully

“I was scared... I was really scared about her... and she has the AUDACITY to fuck about because I was concerned” it broke out of you

“She was scared about you too you know... you have to understand that IF it ever comes out as long as you are underage Bubs...” Lucy started before you interrupted her rolling your eyes

“... she can get in serious troubles yes I know” you said lamely

“No Bubs... let me finish... I know that's what we always told you... but the truth is... Georgia doesn't care... she doesn't care what's at stake for her... she loves you” Lucy said firmly making you look at her “... she LOVES you Bubs”

“Then why did she say it?” you had tears in your eyes

“She was scared... we all do and say things we don't mean when we're hurt or scared or angry” your sister said softly whiping away a tear that rolled over your cheek “... I'm gonna drive you to their hotel okay... you two talk it out and when you're done talking I'll bring you home okay... or to Keira or back to ours”

“Maybe... possibly...” you stammered “... you could pick me up tomorrow morning?”

“Sure... I know it was a lot...” Lucy shrugged her shoulders before she caught on “... wait a second... absolutely NOT... you come home with me tonight”

“Lucy come on....” you whined

“No...” your sister said her face scrunched up

“Ugh...” you groaned but then you had an Idea

You pulled out your phone grinning evilly as you scrolled through your contacts before finding the one you were looking for

“Hola...” you smiled into the phone when the other person picked up your sister eying you sceptically “... can I stay the night at Georgias?”

You smiled even wider as the person on the other end agreed and you held the phone out for your sister to take

“Here... Ona wants to talk to you” you grinned victoriously and Lucy groaned loudly as she accepted the phone and the following telling off her girlfriend had to offer

You never were so nervous in your whole life than right now – okay that was a lie. You were nervous when you met Wendi Renard. But that was because she was so freaking tall you got scared the first time you literally bumped into her. You were running away from Lucy laughing loudly when you hit a wall. Or so you thought – it was Wendi. The tall defender looked down on you where she put you on your ass and you just squeaked and shuffled backwards. But now you were nervous for a different reason. You were shuffling in front of the door of your maybe still girlfriend for the past 10 Minutes now not really knowing what to do. You knew what to do – knock, wait until she opened the door, wing it from there. But something inside you held you back. What should you say? Would she even want to talk to you? Would she even want to see you? What would...

“Are you going to knock anytime soon or do I have time to go over the game to see where we can improve for the second leg?” you suddenly heard Georgias voice

You looked up seeing her leaning against the doorframe her arms crossed looking at you expectantly her foot in a boot out of precaution. You were so deep in your own thoughts that you didn't notice her opening the door and watching you for a few minutes before deciding to speak up

“I didn't know...” you mumbled not meeting her gaze

“... how to knock?” the blonde offered a small smile seeing how much it ate you “I can teach you... it's quiet easy once you get the hang of it”

“But there are so many techniques...” you said carefully still insecure

“Yeah... it's a lot of trail and error until you find your style...” Georgia held up her fist “... I prefer the double knock....” she knocked twice against the open room door “... then there's the triple knock which I personally already find annoying... then there's the more respectfully middle finger double knock...”

Your girlfriend showed you all the knocks she knew and with every second you felt more comfortable

“... and then there's the legendary Tooney knock... just knock so long and so persistent until the door gets opened and keep knocking until you nearly break Mearps nose” the blonde finished looking at you smiling

“Mhm...” you tried to smile back but all these negative thoughts about what happened earlier making it hard

Georgia extended her hand to you but mentally you weren't ready to accept her peace offering instead your head told you to run

“Don't...” Georgia said softly “... don't run again... Magda and Pernille rooming right down that corridor – I won't hesitate to call them to stop you”

“I..” you stammered as your breath quickens

“No... get out of your head...” the blonde kept her voice soft and calming “... tho we have to talk about earlier I won't let you run... not now and not ever...”

“Why?” you squeaked out and it was that second Georgia decided to just pull you inside her room knowing how nosey her teammates can be

“Breath...” the blonde said firmly but still soft “... I need you to breath for me Babe”

“You... you... you...” you pressed out not knowing how to word the thoughts that were running through your mind

“I WON'T let you run...” Georgia said again grabbing your shoulders hoping to ground you “... not now.. not ever... I don't care what people say... I don't care if they take away my cleats.... I don't care if they think it's wrong... you and I and all the people who are important to us know it's not... I'm sorry how I reacted back then... I was so scared someone would interpret it the way it is and it would affect your life... not mine.. I don't care about that... but I love you... I care about you and your well-being... I don't want them to come after you”

“Georgia” you just pressed out tears running down your cheeks and to your girlfriend it sounded so much like a call for help

“I'm here... I'm right here” Georgia mumbled her hands moving from your shoulders to cup your face her forehead resting against yours “... if you like it or not... I'm not going anywhere”

“Why?” you cried your hands fisting her shirt you holding on for dear life

“Because I love you... and whatever gets thrown at us we'll battle it together...” your girlfriend said softly pressing a loving kiss to your lips

“I'm sorry.... I'm so so sorry” you cried “... I... I was so scared...”

“I know... I know Baby... I was scared for a moment too... it's okay to get scared... but don't let the fear take over” Georgia whispered “... you scared Jana too”

“I mean... she should have seen it coming... she was staring at you the whole game” you grumbled through your tears making Georgia bursting out laughing

“She was marking me... of course she was watching where I was going” your girlfriend laughed “... someone is jealous”

“Am not” you grumbled “... she has her Dutch... she can leave my....”

“I'm not dutch” Georgia deadpanned and you just grumbled at her for knowing where you were going with your talking

“Are we gonna be okay?” you suddenly asked scared of her answer

“No... we're not going to be okay Baby... we are okay...” your girlfriend said softly “... we will have misunderstandings and fights and everything... but I know that we'll always find each other again”

“How can you be so sure?” you asked insecure

“You make me think of things I never thought about before...” Georgia shrugged her shoulders carefully manovering you towards the bed

“Like?” you let her push you around until your knees hit the bed and you fell on it

“If we should buy a house here or in England....” your girlfriend simply said laying down next to you “... what Dog we're going to get... I want a big one by the way... how you'll look in my Jersey in the kitchen when I come down in the morning for breakfast and you wear JUST my jersey... how Lucy buys the house next to us just out of spite and how she sits on her front porch with her binoculars writing everything down we do... she'll probably has a bb gun at hand to shoot us as soon as we get to close....”

“That's oddly specific” you scrunched your nose up at the thought of your sister being your neighbour

“How beautiful you'll look on our wedding day” Georgia said her voice lowly and you felt how your heart missed a beat “... fair warning... I'm going to ask you one day... so don't be too surprised”

“Don't do it in front of millions” you whispered back because you felt how your thoughts drifted to the pictures your girlfriend just described just from your view

“I would never... I know you don't like the attention... just us... I promise... and maybe our dog..” your girlfriend said her voice barely over a whisper

“I want a Rottweiler or something like this... or a mix... Maverick... I want to call him Maverick” you said and felt how all the stress left your body and you started to relax

“Sounds good... we're gonna get him these badass looking collars so everyone will think he's badass but in reality he's just a big puppy and the most loving and caring soul” Georgia kept her voice soft feeling how you relaxed next to her before she pulled you into her side

“I'm so tired...” you mumbled against her chest

“Sleep...” your girlfriend whispered peppering your face with soft kisses

“Alexia said make up sex is next level” you mumbled and yawned

“Just imagen how good it'll be if we have make up sex after we have to wait another two weeks” Georgia grinned “... I'm thinking of getting Lucy the apartment next to mine so she'll have to listen to you screaming my name”

“Please don't.... she'll shoulder check the door” you mumbled already half asleep “... she'll know the next morning anyway”

“Oh and why's that?” your girlfriend chuckled

“Normally I have a slight limp... except you decided to lower your standard” you yawned and Georgia snorted

“Never...” the blonde huffed “... sleep Baby”

Now that you were alone again with Georgia back in Munich you felt lost. The Barca girls went on with their days of training, recovery, media and what else. You – you tried to keep your head above the water of life. Keira was the first to notice that something wasn't right with you. She tried to talk to you about it but you immediately closed off and changed the topic. Knowing you for most of your life Keira decided to leave it for the moment but she talked to Lucy about it who said she'll keep an eye on you but that she couldn't do anything more than that. The next one who noticed you were off was Alexia. Seeing you mindlessly walking around the pitch sparked her interest so her eyes found you through the training more often but even when you looked straight at her you didn't really see her. Mapí was next. Her tries to make you laugh and giggling all the time because she just loved you where met with a tight lipped smile but nothing more. Pina and Patri tried to get you to play a prank on Alexia for good measure but you just shook your head. Ona of course noticed too – she tried to get you to talk to her a few times offering a shoulder to cry on or an open ear to listen but you never came back to her for the offers. Ingrid watched all of this with concern from a little further away – she understood what part of the problem was but she also understood that there were things you needed to deal with yourself. So when her girlfriend declared she'll kidnap you away from the mean adults (meaning Alexia, Lucy, Keira and Ona) and make you happy again by letting you spend all her salary in the arcade and get you all the ice cream you want she told Mapí to leave you alone so you could sort yourself out.

“I'm really getting concerned” Ona said one night as she and Lucy were laying on their couch “... since Georgia left she's just a shadow.... Tana came up to me today asking why y/n lost so much weight and that she wouldn't need a diet”

“She's falling back into old bad habits.... we need to do something to pull her back up” your sister said chewing her lip already noticing your weight loss

“I think it would be good if we get her back here” the blonde spaniard said carefully

“I would agree but I know her... she'll fight us on it and it'll only makes it worse” Lucy said “... we need to time it right... she needs to come to us first...”

“I'm scared for her well-being Lucy” Ona mumbled against your sisters chest

“I'm too.... but she needs to realize she's not alone... if we push her too hard she'll run...” your sister pressed a sweet kiss on the top of the spaniards head

“Will she come here?” the blonde asked

“She will... in her own time” Lucy said convincing – she just didn't know if she was convincing Ona or herself

It was about a week later in the middle of the night when Lucy got woken up by rapid knocking – no... hammering – on her door

“Fuck sakes... if that's Mapí again I'm going to kill her” Lucy mumbled getting out of bed padding down the corridor

“What??” your sister snapped ripping the door open

“The Jersey lost her smell...” you said your lip trembling as you stood in front of your sisters door shivering from the rain that was pouring down “... I didn't wash it but it still lost her smell Luce”

“Bubs” Lucy whispered shocked

“I can't sleep without her here... I miss her so much” you stammered out tears already pooling in your eyes

Lucy didn't say anything as she pulled you inside lifting you into her arms – which was scaringly easy – and carried you down the hallway towards the bathroom while you cried into her neck fisting her shirt in your hands. Your sister didn't care that she would wake up Ona as she kicked the door to their bedroom open walking straight to the bathroom where she got a hot shower going as she stepped into it with you still in her arms. She put you down carefully but her grip still strong on your waist when her girlfriend came into the bathroom

“Lucy??” Ona asked confused her eyes small with sleep

“It's okay... I've got it” Lucy answered firmly basically telling Ona to leave them alone

“I'll get some tea started” the younger catalan said a little hurt after she took in your shivering form holding onto your sister like a lifeline

“I miss her” you trembled in your sisters hold

“You're going to be okay Bubs...” your sister said softly holding you tightly “.. but we have to get you warm again... we're going to call G later okay... we're going to face time her and then we'll all have breakfast together”

That was five weeks ago and you were doing better. That morning Georgia was ready to jump on a plane already throwing clothes into her travel bag mindlessly before Lucy calmed her down saying that Barca would travel to Munich in two days anyway and she herself would forward all the flight information to Georgia so she could be there to pick you up. Not the team. You. Lucy understood meanwhile what a big part the young englishwoman played in your life and how much you needed her by your side

The moment you felt Georgias arms around you you broke down crying again. Right there in the busy Munich Airport where people where running to get a flight or people run up to their loved ones greeting them back home. Lucy and Alexia did a great job distracting fans from Georgia and you by “happily” giving out autographs and taking selfies (Alexia looking like she was dying inside like always) and Aitana going around asking people what they were working. You teached her to asked what they were working instead of asking IF they were working

Georgia and you talked all night and she made you promise to accept the help she knew the Team offered you – because her team will do the same the next day. Pernille bought a big basked of Kanelbullar defending them from the prying hands of her girlfriend. Magda was the happiest woman on earth when you gave her the first one you took out of the basket eating it ceremonially in front of Pernilles face to prove a point. Klara and Lea took you to the new Fan store on the Campus where they showed you the new picture that was hanging behind the register. It was you shouting and pointing while Georgia and Pernille ran past you and on the little badge under the picture it said “Champions League Barcelona 1st Leg winning thanks to Y/n Bronze and her ability to motivate the underdogs”

You watched the game from the stands since you got banned from the coaching zone through a red card in Barcelona with plain Bayern Jersey signed by all the players. Lucy tried to pull the Jersey over your head the second she saw you in the tunnel telling you you couldn't wear the enemies colours as you laughingly slapped away her hands for Ona sneaking up on you helping her girlfriend out – that was until the Munich girls registered what was happening and immediately started to get involved as well. It was all fun and jokes at this point but you made a promise to Lucy to at least put on a Barca Jersey for a picture of you, Keira, Georgia and herself after the game. You and Jana talked it out before the game and you apologized perfursley for scaring her and nearly hitting her for the young player to smile at you shyly telling you it's okay

The Game ended with a 2 – 0 win for Barcelona. Or a 2 – 0 loss for Munich. You were thrilled and heartbroken at the same time – seeing your family celebrate on the pitch while your closest friends and girlfriend sat non the grass defeated. You could hear the Barca fans chanting and the Munich fans sniffling next and behind of you. You turned in your seat to see a small girl around 5 years of age having big crocodile tears running down her cheeks

“Hey....” you said to the girl smiling “.... it's okay...”

“They losted” the girl sniffled

“Yeah they did...” you huffed slightly “... but they fought and it's okay to lose when you fight – because you don't give up and lose... giving up is never an option”

“But they losted to the stupid spanish womans” the brown haired girl sniffled again

“Who's your favourite player?” you asked deciding to ignore the comment and not point out that Ingrid and Caro are Norwegian, Lucy and Keira are english, Frido is Swedish and Pernille is Danish

“I like Frau Harder” the girl sniffled less now but with slight disgust you saw some snot running out of her nose

“P?? You got good taste... you picked a good player” you smiled and hoped the girl wouldn't want to hug you

“She looks very nice... and she scores a lot of goals” the girl now finally calmed down

“That she does” you hummed swallowing your sarcastic “just not today”-comment in favor of a not crying little girl “... where are your parents?”

“I'm here with my Papa...” the girl said “... he said to wait here... he brings back the cups where my water was in”

“That's very nice of your Papa... so what's your name?” you smiled

“Helena Valentina” the girl smiled proudly

“That's a very pretty name” you smiled back before you had an idea “Say Helena... do you want a picture with Pernille?”

“I would like one very much but she's always so busy... I tried before but she never heard me asking” the girl named Helena said getting a little sad again

“Well... we can't have that can we” you grinned “... we're gonna wait for your Papa and then we're gonna get you this picture okay? Your english is very good by the way”

“My Mama is english... she thought me since I was very little” Helena nodded like she wanted to prove a point

“Really? Where she from?” you asked interested

“Oswaldtwistle” the girl mumbled a bit

“Hey I know where that is...” you beamed “... it's near Blackburn right?”

“Yes... I don't like it there” Helena mumbled again “I like the place where my grandma is now”

“And where's that?” you asked interested

“Surrey” the girl smiled a little more

“Ah... a south londoner...” you hummed “... and you don't like Lucy Bronze or Keira Walsh? Or Georgia Stanway for the matter? She plays for Bayern”

“I do like them... but many people like Georgia...” Helena said seriously “... but not so many people like Frau Harder and she needs support too”

“That's true” you burst out laughing seeing a man coming down the stairs towards you two

“I'm really sorry if she bothered you” the man quickly said wedging himself between you and Helena

“Oh please... she's a very lovely kid...” you smiled friendly “You're Papa I assume?”

“Matthias” the man introduced himself shaking your hand

“I heard Helena likes Pernille Harder but never had a chance to get a picture with her” you hummed

“Yeah... we tried a couple of times but we never were lucky enough to make it to the front while the players were still there” the man sighed knowing how much his daughter would love a picture with her idol

“Well.... let's change that shall we?” you sighed looked down to the pitch and whistled loudly which cause Georgia whip her head around searching the smaller crowd for you

When you two locked eyes your girlfriend raised her eyebrows in question and you tried to sign her that you needed Pernille to come over. Of course Georgia didn't understand you and tipped on Keiras shoulder pointing towards you which caused in you slapping your hand against your forehead. Kei shook her head confused at you and you tried again to make her understand you needed Pernille. Thank god Keira was fluent in you-ish and understood and went over to talk quickly to the blonde Dane and pointed at you. You made a come here gesture when P looked over.

“What?” Matthias asked confused

“Come on... let's get you that picture okay” you just grinned standing up walking down the stone stairs towards the barriers while Pernille (and of course Magda) came strolling over

“If I came over here for you to yell at me I'm leaving again” Pernille said and you saw how much that loss takes a toll on her

“No... you played amazing P... you all did... I got you over here because of little Helena here... she's a big fan but she never was able to get a picture with you” you smiled at the Dane “... even tho she tried many times”

“Oh my God... of course... come here sweetie” Pernilles face immediately lit up when she spotted the little girl behind the legs of her Dad hiding

“I swear P is very nice Helena” you said crouching down to her height “... I would watch out for Magda... the woman will eat all your sweets and then lie to you that she didn't”

“It was ONE time... and I didn't know it was your TWIX” the swede exclaimed

“You didn't even apologize...” you bit back “... you said “yeah well sorry”...”

“Sorry is a word you use for apologizes right??!!” Magda said confused

“Not if you say it like you did... you weren't sorry at all” you grumbled

“Okay stop it... I'll buy you a new TWIX later...” Pernille rolled her eyes at the antics of you two “... but I think I owe a fan a picture right”

“Do you want a picture with P Helena?” you asked the still shyly hiding girl

“Yes please” the girl mumbled into the back of her Dads legs

“Then come here...” you smile encouraging “.. I promise P is very nice...”

You helped the girl over the barrier lifting her into Pernille waiting arms who easily put the girl down in front of her

“Phone” the Dane looked at you expectantly and you just turned around to Matthias who started to quickly fumble for his phone

He gave you his mobile and you quickly chucked it at Magda to take some pictures

“Make yourself useful swede” you huffed still sour because the blonde ate your chocolate

“Make yourself useful” Magda imitated you under her breath making Pernille chuckle and you growling “Okay sweetie... smile”

Helena had the biggest toothiest grin you could imagen and you couldn't help yourself but grin too and make a little fun of Pernille

“You too P... smiiiilllleeee” you laughed while Magda made one picture after the other at one point even laying down on the pitch for getting “a better angle”

You transferred the young girl back to her father after a few minutes – and some signings from Pernille, Magda, Aitana, Keira, G and Lucy.... and a very shy request if Helena could have another picture with Alexia who again tried to smile friendly and you broke down laughing as she once again looked like she was dying inside.

Georgia took you out to the best Burger place you ever set a foot in and you demolished a whole burger and all the sides much to the happiness of your girlfriend. You spend the night with G in her apartment both of you too exhausted to do anything other than lay on the couch – you obviously on top of your Girlfriend – and watch some sort of murder documentary. You were half asleep on top of Georgia with her continually softly scratching the back of your neck playing a little bit with the baby hair there and her soothing rhythmic breathing when you both shot up during a knock on Gs door.

“What the actual fuck??” you panted out from the shock”

“That...” Georgia looked confused towards the door when it knocked again

“It's not Lucy... Ona promised me she'll... occupie her for the night” you said disgust laced in your voice as Georgia stood up approaching the door carefully

“Yeah?” your girlfriend opened the door a crack to get pushed – door included – to the side

“Nena?? Are you in here?” you heard a very VERY familiar voice

“Mapí??” you asked confused sitting up on the couch

“Sí... ay dios I finally found you” the tattooed spaniard exclaimed happily as she fell on the couch right next to you

“¿Qué estás haciendo aquí?” you asked subconsciously switching to spanish

“Te estaba buscando POR TODAS PARTES” Mapí huffed while your girlfriend still stood frozen in place next to the door

“¿por qué?” you asked confused as Georgia realized what just happened and came into the living room with an upset “Hey!”

“Alexia nos separó a Ingrid y a mí y me aburrí solo así que pensé en mirar si estás bien... hay muchas puertas en esta casa... Y los alemanes no son amigables cuando tocas a sus puertas...” the spaniard shrugged her shoulders

“Please don't tell me you knocked on every single door...” you begged her knowing the answer already

“Of course I did... Lucy just said the street and number... not the name.. there's no Bronze here” Mapí looked at you like you were stupid

“Dear Jesus...” you whined “... of course not... her name is Stanway” you pointed at your girlfriend who stood in the middle of the living room looking a little lost

“Oh... yeah... my bad” the blonde spaniard shrugged her shoulders “... don't you want to offer me a drink?”

“I want to offer you a taxi to the hotel but I know that's not going to happen anytime soon...” you exhaled “... would you like a hot or cold beverage Mapí?”

“I would like some... do they have water in Germany?” Maps asked after thinking for a second

“No Mapí... if you want water you have to drink out of the toilet” you deadpanned sarcastically

“Ay dios mio... that's asquerosa” the tattooed spaniard exclaimed her face horrified

“Of course they have water here... you want normal water or with bubbles?” you exclaimed and out of nowhere Georgia bursted out laughing

“You two are best friend material...” your girlfriend heaved out in between laughs

“Sí we are” Mapí grinned proudly

“She's family at this point... can't do anything about it” you huffed holding out your hand so your girlfriend could pull you up “With or without León?”

“With... I'm all for protection” the blonde spaniard said seriously

“Estupida” you mumbled as you padded into the kitchen

“Okay.. you listen to me Stansway...” Mapí turned towards Georgia as soon as you left the room “... mi neña is precious okay... you are not allowed to hurt her again... I will personally come for your throat... I might look all nice and stuff but mi familia is holy to me... I will end you if you ever pull some shit like that again”

“I get it okay... I fucked up...” your girlfriend rolled her eyes “... I don't WANT to hurt her but you know yourself that that's part of relationships... don't tell me Engen and you never fight”

“We do... but never did one of us scraped on death door like she did the last few weeks” the blonde spaniard said and Georgia realized how much you meant to the Barcelona girls

“I try not to fuck up anymore...” Georgia looked Mapí dead in the eye “... I promise I TRY... but I can't promise that I won't”

“Bueno... I didn't come here so I potentially have to kill you... it would make mi neña sad...” Mapí nodded curtly when she spotted you entering the room again

“What makes me sad?” you asked as you pushed a glass of water into Mapís hand

“Lucy ate half your chocolate” the spaniard blurted out quickly

“WHAT?? That bitch!!” you exclaimed upset

“I'll get you new chocolate Babe okay...” your girlfriend played along with Mapís lie “... they have really good chocolate here...”

“It was Cadburys....” you grumbled “... the good shit”

“I'll text Leah to get some and send it over okay” Georgia tried again to get you to calm down

“I get you some tomorrow at the airport mi neña...” the blonde spaniard said “... and I'll break Lucys hands if she tries taking them from you...”

“You can't break her hands Maps...” you rolled your eyes but smiled a little bit

“Oh but I can...” the tattooed spaniard nodded quickly “... It's easy”

“You can't hurt her... you guys still need her” you pointed out

“Is she playing football with her hands?” Mapí asked confused

“Hm...” you said a little dumb folded “... fair point”

Of course Mapí decided to stay the night at your girlfriends place and you woke up to a million texts and calls all asking if you knew where the quirky spaniard was. You complemented if you should lie and just say you haven't seen her since the game but a very tearful call from Ingrid herself made you tell her that the stupid spaniard was snoring on your girlfriends couch. Let's just say Ingrid wasn't very happy with her girlfriend when she came to pick both of you up. Georgia came to the airport with you trying to get as much time with you before you had to leave. Lucy looked very tired as you approached her and Ona while the small spaniard grinned happily and it made you shudder

“Hey Bubs” your sister yawned and you immediately spotted a small but still very much present hicky on her collarbone and it made you pull your face up in disgust

“Don't touch me...” you heaved

“Excuse me...” Lucy looked at you shocked

“I don't know if you washed your hands...” you took a step back just to get hugged from behind from Ona who grinned from ear to ear

“Oh she did... this morning in the shower... three times” Ona mumbled into your ear having you in a death grip

“EEEEEEKKK...” you screeched and tried to get away from the spaniard with the result that you dragged her away with you – much to the amusement of all the other players

“Let goooo...” you whined when you spotted your resuce “... Keiraaaaaa”

“Hm??” the englishwoman looked at you unimpressed

“Help....” you whined trying to wriggle Ona off you

“Ehrm....” Keira pretended to think about helping you “... no”

“Whyyyyy...??” you whined loudly

“Well... I don't know if she washed her hands...” the englishwoman smirked sending you into a whole new frenzy trying to shake Ona off you

“Oh ew ew ew ew ew ew ew” you squeaked as you started to run in small circles dragging a laughing Ona along with you

“Calm down Bebita...” the small spaniard laughed holding onto you tightly “... I promised you I washed my hands...”

“Ggggggg!!!!” you yelled taking off towards your girlfriend

“What should I do??” your girlfriend looked at you shocked

“Get it off meeee” you whined stopping right in front of her turning around so you and Onas back were facing Georgia

“Maybe just ask nicely if she could let go?” Georgia looked at you shocked not knowing how to cope with the situation

“Let go... let go... let go...” you started to wriggle more strongly much to Onas amusement who just tightened her grip on you

“Cariño!!” Alexia called over “Stop playing around.... we're boarding soon”

“Make her let goooo...” you whined and Alexia just rolled her eyes

“Ona...” the blonde capitan huffed out and Ona immediately let go of you “... gracias”

“You are a very mean spaniard” you grumbled making Ona laugh again

“You still love me” the small player chuckled

“No I don't...” you grumbled as you pushed yourself past her in the arms of your girlfriend

“Yes you do” Georgia chuckled “... we see each other soon okay?”

“Can't you...” you mumbled against your girlfriends shoulder

“You know I can't Babe...” your girlfriend mumbled against your hair so no one would hear her words

“How soon is soon?” you asked your voice lowly

“Soon... couple of weeks” Georgia pressed a suble kiss to your hairline

“You promise?” you asked getting insecure

“I promise... I swear on my life” your girlfriend smiled softly

“I saw your life... swear on something else” you deadpanned pushing a little bit away so you can look at her

“I have a good...” Georgia started but with three pair of raised eyebrows directed at her made her shut up quickly “... what??”

“Yes G... you have a perfect life...” Keira said sarcastically “... let's start with your german lessons... when was the last time you went?”

“I go every time I have time...” your girlfriend defended herself

“You were on injury break...” Lucy pointed out

“And I couldn't walk... how should've gotten there??” Georgia grumbled

“Taxi... Uber... Teammates...” Keira deadpanned

“Fuck you Walsh...” your girlfriend huffed making you laugh

“Come on Bubs.... we need to go... Ale is THIS close to get a coronary” your sister laid her arms around your shoulders and pulled you away a little bit

“One minute... please Luce” you begged her quietly

“Okay... one minute” Lucy smiled softly as you immediately turned around again throwing yourself into the arms of your girlfriend

“What you want to do tonight Bubs??” Lucy asked you as you exit the airport in Barcelona

“Dunno...” you said sadly already missing your girlfriend

“Alexia asked if we want to come around later... she'll make dinner and apparently she has a surprise guest for you” Ona said as she flanked your other side

“Hm....” you hummed and your sister noticed how down you were

“Let's just go over there for an hour and then we can leave again okay Bubs... Kei will be there too” your sister said softly and you nodded slowly

“An hour?” you asked

“Just an hour... if you want to stay longer then that's okay too.... let's just play it by ear okay?” Lucy kept her voice soft and you nodded again

“Okay... so how does this game work?” Mapí asked confused again after dinner when all of you relocated to Lucys and Onas living room since Alexia put her foot down not wanting Mapí and you ever again together in her living room... and with all of you you meant half the team plus the “surprise guest” in form of Jenni Hermoso herself

“Gosh.. you're dense sometimes.. someone tells two truths and one lie... as a group – or more groups – you have to find out the lie” you rolled your eyes as you explained again “It's literally called “Two truths and a lie”... it's not rocket science León”

“Ay... don't last name me... I didn't do anything trouble... not fair” Mapí immediately exclaimed

“You being stoopid” you said huffy

“If you don't stop immediately you both go to bed early” Keira interrupted your interaction knowing both of you were too stubborn to back down now “and no you won't share a room”

“Wow.. Walsh in mom mode... didn't think I live to see the day” Lucy teased her ex who immediately kicked her ankle

“Thanks to you I got thrown into motherhood pretty early in my life – and let me tell you I decided real motherhood can wait a few more years...” the blonde said firmly

“I second that” Alexia mumbled next to her “... these two made me rethink my whole life plan... I already told Olga no kids for the next 10 years”

“Oy!!” you exclaimed as Mapí backed you up with a “Ay!!”

“We're gonna play now or you want to send the kids to bed.... mom” your sister smirked at Keira who just threw her a death glare

“Okay.... since I know Mapí is stoopid and doesn't understand the concept of TWO TRUTHS AND ONE LIE.... you go as a group or pairs?” you said railing Maps up on purpose

“Bitsy” Keira warned you knowing what you were doing

“Sorry mom” you said ashamed and the blonde just huffed

“I would say pairing up as three?” Lucy said looking around “Ona, Kei and me.. Ale, Pina and Frido... Maps, Ingrid and Caro... Patri, Panos and Cata?”

“And what's with me?” Jenni asked confused looking around

“You're the ref” your sister said “You have to decide who wins if there's a draw”

“What does the winner get?” Pina asks now interested

“Bragging rights?” you said shrugging your shoulders

“That's lame” Mapí mumbled

“I can tell you how WE use to play it but there responsible adults around” you smirked

“Oh do tell Bitsy” now Keira seems interested “Who's “we” and how do you play”

“Ehrm...” you stuttered knowing you just fucked up “We... like... Toons, Less, G, Niamh... you know... the gang.... Mills and Rach” you mumbled quickly

“Hm...” the blonde made a “go on” sound and raised her eyebrow at you

“and the winner gets... gets... gets” you tried to find a way out of the situation “... gets... coffee.... yes.. YES.. coffee!! For a week”

Now Keira just lifted both eyebrows her jaw set as she looked at you expectantly and finally you broke

“Winner decides what loser has to do... and mostly it's not nice stuff” you mumbled under your breath

“Like?” Keira didn't give up

“Get coffee at Starbucks at 8AM” you said ashamed and just as Keira wanted to say something you mumbled a “naked”

“Excuse me???” now your sister looked at you like you lost your goddamn mind

“It wasn't me” you quickly clarified

“Then who...” Lucy asked before she remembered the newspaper article “... YOU made Millie Bright walk into Starbucks naked???”

“Yeah...” you snorted “... was payback for her making me call Viv topless – poor woman ran into a cupboard”

Jenni spit her drink out she just took a sip from and started coughing while Mapí burst out laughing, Alexia looking horrified, Keira just shook her head and Lucy gasped for air

“Okay... winner get's to decide what loser has to do... if there's more than one loser team it gets decided by coin toss who has to do it... okay... here we go” you quickly got on with the game before more questions arise – you kept the worst to yourself and told them a rather harmless thing

“Okay...” you thought for a second “... I taught Ella Toone to waltz, I taught myself to play the violin and I let my girlfriend tattoo me.... find the lie”

“Easy” your sister snorted but you KNEW she would be wrong

“Can we ask questions?” Pina asked a little confused

“Sure” you shrugged your shoulders

“Okay... what is the tattoo” Pina asks immediately catching on that she can rule things out by asking the right questions

“It's something personal – it's not about me but about someone who is very important to me” you answer with a straight face

“Hm...” Pina mused

“When did you start to play the violin?” now Ingrid asked

“About three years ago” you kept a straight face through your answers not wanting to give something away

“Who taught you?” the norwegian asked

“Started with YouTube videos and then got a teacher after about six month because I found out I liked it and want to continue playing” you said

Ingrid nodded and turned to Caro and Mapí so they could consult about the lie

“How long did it take you to teach Tooney to waltz” Keira smirked already figured out the lie herself but she kept it to herself for fun of the game

“Forever” you rolled your eyes “But hey – there's only so much to do in Manc...”

“More specific?” Keira pressed you smirking

“Ugh... something between 6 and 18 month” you rolled your eyes knowing Keira figured you out

“That's oddly unspecific” Alexia looked confused

“Look... if you spend too much time with Ella Toone and Less Russo you don't even remember your own name because these two kill every living brain cell you own... so that is more than specific” you cleared up

“What violin do you play?” Ingrid interrupted pondering looking you straight in the eyes

“A Karl Höfner Allegro 4/4” you answered confident and Ingrid eyes widen a little bit

“Where is your tattoo” Alexia asked and she seemed pretty sure about her assumption

“On my ribcage” you smirked

“I saw you without a shirt” Mapí yelled out before Caro elbowed her in the side and shushed her

“We all saw her without a shirt genius... she was in a sports bra and shorts at the beach” Patri rolled her eyes

“Any more questions?” you asked into the round looking around

All the players shook their head and you smiled

“Okay.. you get a minute to decide on an answer... put it down on paper and give your answer to the ref and I'll tell her what the lie is and then she can sort the rest out”

After a minute every team gave a folded paper to Jenni who looked at you expectantly as you leaned over and whispered the lie into her ear. Her eyes grew wide and she looked at you shocked

“Seriously?? THAT'S the lie... ay dios mio... I'm already looking forward when this comes out...” she smirked evilly

“Get going then” you grinned back seeing different reactions on the different peoples faces

“Okay... Team Goalfielder?? What is Goalfielder?” Jenni asked confused

“These two” Panos pointed to Cata and Patri “I had nothing to do with that”

“What does that even suppose to mean?” Jenni asked even more confused

“Goalkeeper and Midfielder... Midkeeper sounded stupid” Patri said in a “duh” voice

You snorted loudly while Mapí repeated the two words lowly and nodded at Goalfielder understanding and the rest of the team just groaned

“Okay... team... goalfielder... sorry I can't say that” the dark haired spaniard said “Panos... your team is wrong... that's not the lie”

“Damn it... told you!!” Panos grumbled at her two teammates

“Okay... who came up with Norwegian-connection??” Jenni asked upset feeling like an idiot as Ingrid and Caro pointed to Mapí who just grinned proudly

“This is gets worse and worse” Jenni mumbled before opening the folded paper “Nope... also wrong... not the lie”

“I swear Alexia if you put down a stupid team name too I go on a strike” Jenni threatened her best friend looking at the folded paper “Sweniards? SWENIARDS???!!!!”

“I have PINA on my team” Alexia said back seriously “You think I wanted that??”

That did it for you – you couldn't hold yourself together anymore and just bursted out laughing and if it wasn't for Jenni herself who held you back you would have fallen of a couch once again.

“I swear you all do that to piss me off” Jenni mumbled “Nope... also wrong”

“Keira please... save my dignity when I turn around that paper there's no team name on it” Jenni basically begged Keira who smirked

“Sorry Hermoso... but everyone has one” the blonde said

“Really... “The exes”?? Not really fitting is it now??” the dark haired raised her eyebrow annoyed

“Why?” Lucy asked confused “Kei is my Ex, I'm her ex...”

“So this team is you and Keira and Ona just sits there looking pretty?” you asked confused now

“Thank you for calling me pretty” Ona smiled at you

“Ay Batlle.. I'M pretty spaniard...” Alexia shoved her teammates ankle playfully

“No Bitsy... Ona is an Ex too” Keira smirked down right evil

“Huh?” Mapí, Pina and you didn't catch on while Caro just looked at Lucy, Keira and Ona with wide shocked eyes

“Ona is technically my ex Bitsy” Keira rolled her eyes

“Excuse me... wha???” you still couldn't grab it

“Before you break her... you're right... point for... the exes” Jenni rolled her eyes

“Oh I know...” Keira just waved off grinning

“OH DEAR JESUS FUCKING DISTGUSTING CHRIST!!!” you yelled out horrified scrambling backwards until you sat on Jennis lap

“NOW she has it” Keira laughed and even Lucy and Ona started laughing at your reaction

“Is this whole sport one big swap meet????????” you screeched as Jenni held you in her lap securely so you wouldn't fall over the arm of the couch

“I could say...” Lucy started as she got interrupted from Mapís screech

“WHY???!!!”

“Why what?” Ingrid asked her girlfriend

“Why did... THEY” Mapí asked shocked pointing from Keira to Ona and back

“Call it stress relieve” Keira shrugged her shoulders “No strings – just stress relieve”

“You” Mapí pointed at Ona “You look so nice and innocent and sweet and loving”

“Yeah no... she's not” Lucy snorted pulling Ona onto her lap

“Okay... but what's the lie now?” Pina asked still not catching on and everyone was thankful for her obliviousness

“It's IMPOSSIBLE to teach Ella Toone anything...” you waved off

“So all of you were wrong except the... unconventional threesome over there” you pointed at your sister, her ex and current girlfriend but you wouldn't look at them

“Damnit.. I was so sure you have no tatts” Mapí snipped her fingers

“Why would you think that... have you seen me girlfriend??” you asked confused

“Because they would kill you” Mapí pointed at Keira and Lucy who infact did look a little pissed

“About that” your sister started “Please tell me you're joking and you in fact changed the game to two lies and one truth”

“Oh no...” you shook your head like it was nothing

“Show me... right now” Lucy growled “I can't believe you have a tattoo... and I will rip G a new one for putting one on you”

“It's just her name” you rolled your eyes railing your sister up

“EXCUSE ME????” your sister exploded “NAME????!!!!!”

“And a little heart next to it” you said sweetly

“Bitsy” Keira said calmly as she laid her hand on Lucys arm “Tell me it's not a name with a heart”

“Dear god.. what do you think of me?? I'm no idiot” you rolled your eyes

“Then show us” Lucy demanded and you pulled your shirt over your head and lifting your bra a little bit so roman number were revealed

“What's that?” your sister asked confused “but good place... nicely hidden.. and really nicely done” she complemented Georgias work

“It's a date” you said as you pulled your bra down again so your tattoo was hidden again

“A date?” Alexia asked confused

“Yes... 26/06/13... June 26th 2013” you smiled slightly

“What's so special about this random day that you have it forever on your body?” Patri asked confused as she couldn't place anything special to that day

“It's...” you started but got interrupted by your sister

“It's the day of my first cap as a member of the Senior squad... against Japan” Lucy said lowly and you saw how emotional she got

“Don't start crying you sap” you threatened her smiling while Lucy just opened her arms and you quickly crawled over to her

“Don't infect me with whatever disease you have... don't want to end up as one of your exes too” you mumbled against your sister neck as she hugged you tightly and laughed at your comment

“That's cute... but now I want to know about the violin” Panos interrupted your sweet moment

“Uh yeah... forgot about that” Patri perked up

“You forget mostly everything” Alexia said nonchalantly

“What about Giovanni??” you asked as you pulled away from Lucy just a little bit

“You play?” Ingrid asked interested

“Still a beginner but yes...” you confirmed “Helped me sort my thoughts after me third ACL”

“It's amazing how Manchester you sound when you come of a call with Ella” Keira snorted over your deep Manchester accent.

“Want to play something together?” Ingrid smiled encouraging

“You play too?” you asked surprised

“Piano...” the norwegian nodded her head

“I never played with someone...” you started to bite your lip

“Pleeeaaaase y/n” Mapí begged “I bet it sounds amazing”

“We can do something easy” Ingrid nudged you a little bit

“Let me get Giovanni” you sighed knowing you wouldn't get out of playing anyway

You got to your room and got your violin from the back of the closet carefully putting the case on your bed opening it carefully. You opened the lid and took your violin out of the case going back to the living room

“I got me instrument... but where is yours?” you looked at Ingrid

“At home of course – it's not like I could carry around a Piano” the norwegian grinned

“Off to our house then” Mapí yelled already jumping up with Pina and Patri following suit

“So I put Giovanni back in his case?” you asked confused

“Or you play a single piece here and at a later date we could play together” Ingrid smiled encouraging

“Okay... but no one judges or says a word...” you said suddenly feeling a little bit insecure about your playing

“No one will judge Cariño” Alexia promised

“Can we....” you started at Keira for help

“What do you need Bitsy” the blonde said lowly

“Too bright” you mumbled and Keira understood immediately

“You got candles Luce?” Keira asked your sister

“Enough to set the north pole on fire” Lucy rolled her eyes pointing towards a cabinet

“I like candles okay?” Ona huffed

“They're lovely candles” Lucy said quickly and you snorted at their antics

Suddenly the light went out and there were just a few candles in the corner lighting the room just a tad. You took a deep breath lifting your violin trapping it between your neck and jaw. You closed you eyes lifted the bow and started playing. It was one of the easiest pieces you know but when you opened your eyes half way threw you could see tears streaming down Keiras face. Despite crying the blonde was smiling slightly. Lucy had Ona in her lap, your sisters head on her girlfriends shoulder her eyes closed as she listened to your play. Thank god nearly all of them were tone deaf so no one except for Ingrid noticed your little slip up right at the beginning. The norwegian had her head laid down on Mapís shoulder smiling slightly knowing how much courage it took for you to stand here in front of all of them and open up a little bit about yourself. Alexia just looked at you in awe while Jenni shook her head in disbelieve.

You looked around the living room while playing the little piece you knew by heart and realized that Lucy kept her promise once again – she brought you home

The End

So guys... that's it for now... there will be an epilogue at some point and I'll keep writing shorties but I don't have the time to belt out full chapters anymore – the story deserves more than I can give so I'm gonna end it here

(If you wondered what piece BB is playing... this piece)

#lucy bronze x reader #keira walsh x reader #ona batlle x reader #mapi leon x reader #barca femeni #jenni hermoso x reader #lucy bronze #alexia putellas x reader #woso image

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weird-is-life · 8 months

Note

steve request🩷🩷

soo reader is drunk and at a party. maybe someone at the party calls steve who is her bestie to come pick her up. he’s out with eddie, robin and nancy at the time and they go and pick her up. because she’s drunk she’s so clingy with steve and doesnt want to be away from him and the rest of the gang make fun of him for it. he loves it really tho🩷

Ty for the request, lovely💕! Hope this is okay, warnings: fluff, use of pet names, mentions of parties, drinking, getting left alone by friends at a party, (0.6k)

Steve finds you sitting with your head down on the stairs of the house. The closer he gets to you, the louder the music is and he winces as he remembers how he used live for these kind of parties.

Now looking at you, he can only think of it as something he hates. Sure, the dancing, the drinks are fun, but getting left alone by friends isn't. Steve can't even count, how many times he was left alone at some party. It's too many.

He hates that your friends left you alone, but he's glad you called him, because he can now make sure you're gonna be okay.

He approaches you carefully, so he doesn't scare you, "Hi, sweetheart."

You immediately cheer up, lifting your head up quickly. You smile big at him and basically throw yourself around his neck, almost knocking him to the ground.

"Woah, woah, I'm happy to see you, too," Steve chuckles and hugs you back.

"Stevie, what are you doing here?" you ask happily. You called Steve to pick you up, which you clearly don't remember anymore.

"I came to take you home," he tells you amused, "c'mon let's get you moving."

Steve stands both of you up and you don't let go off of him, even as he starts to walk you to the car. And he's okay with that, he doesn't mind, that you've leaned with almost your entire weight against him.

What gets him a little flustered are your words. You start whispering all kind of nice words, compliments to him, that he's sure, you would be too shy to say sober.

By the time, you get to the car, Steve's cheeks are burning. He curses under his breath, because he knows, he's going to be teased even before he steps a foot into the car.

And he's right. Straight away Eddie, Robin and Nancy grin at him. You notice the three of them and smile drunkenly at them.

"Hi guys, you came, too?" you ask as you plop yourself without a care in the world next to Robin sitting in the back seat.

"Hi babe, " Robin greets you, while Steve squeezes in the seat next to you.

Your attention immediately goes from Robin back to Steve. You slide closer to him, as close as you can and you almost end up sitting in his lap. They all laugh at that.

"I missed you, Stevie, " you whisper, or more like you tell him very loudly, so the whole car hears it. Steve chuckles, because you were together few hours ago.

"I missed you, too." Steve tells you and puts one arm around you. You snuggle impossibly closer to him.

"I didn't sign up for this cuddle session, when I agreed to drive," Eddie mutters from the front of the car.

"Sorry, Eds. Did you want a hug, too?" you ask innocently.

"No, no, it's okay, you just keep hugging Steve. Lord knows how much he loves it," Eddie teases Steve again and Steve just glares at him. But it's true. He loves being close to you, maybe it's because he loves you. And maybe he'd get to hold you close more often, if he had the guts to confess his feelings to you.

"I love it, too, Stevie," you state and hide your face into Steve's front. It takes you only a few minutes to fall asleep, completely at ease in Steve's arms.

Steve can only smile and hold you tightly, as the blush comes back to his cheeks. He ignores the teasing smirks and looks from everybody.

Steve will survive the teasing, if it means he gets to hold you close. Anytime.

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington x you #steve harrington

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celestie0 · 6 months

Note

Some headcanons about Kickoff college!Gojo, please!

hellooo my love i’m so sorry this took me a while i wanted to post ch9 first!

kickoff!gojo headcanons pt.1 unserious & fluffy edition lol

ᰔ these headcanons are based off of my fanfic “kickoff” which is about popular frat boy soccer college athlete gojo lol & there are spoilers below ᰔ for my kickoff readers: most of these are so unserious and/or fluffy (not rly much nsfw) hope u enjoy!!

kickoff!gojo who almost got arrested once for running away from the cops. he wasn’t even in trouble for anything they just started chasing him bc he started running 😭

kickoff!gojo whose primary love language is physical touch and so all of the times he’s had to NOT touch you has driven him absolutely fuckin nuts. positively BONKERS he’s practically been lobotomized by the restraint he’s had to exercise to not touch you

kickoff!gojo whose frat once hosted a date auction to raise money for rush and gojo singlehandedly raised $20k in one night from the bidding bachelorettes (and bachelors)🧍🏻‍♀️he has yet to go on all of those dates he owes them 😅 he runs away anytime his frat president tries to bring it up LOL

kickoff!gojo who is actually a pretty decent student, i mean he’s a business major so womp womp ofc he’s getting by just fine. i think his favorite class he’s ever taken was freshman year econ bc him and todo got into sm shit in that class and it's some of his fondest memories

kickoff!gojo who was literally picturing a life with you on the italian countryside when you were telling him about it. self inserted to the MAX

kickoff!gojo who is always the first to like all of your film photography slideshows on instagram because he has your post notifs on :”) you and messi are the only ppl he’s got post notifs on for 🤣

kickoff!gojo who thought he would be okay with watching your life from afar, through small pictures on his phone, but the thought devastated him more n more w every waking minute

kickoff!gojo who realized that having you wrapped in his arms at the end of ch9 was the closest thing he’s felt to peace since before the night his father passed away

kickoff!gojo who hasn’t really kept too much memoribilia of his father since a lot of the memories are painful for him, but he’s kept that old soccer ball w his dad’s signature n word of love for his mom on it

kickoff!gojo who wouldnt have been able to get through the trauma of losing his father if suguru wasn’t there by his side. he would’ve really lost himself, and would’ve given up on soccer if not for suguru's support. he's truly really grateful for him

kickoff!gojo who knows what his sun, moon & rising signs are because he’s been ran through 🙄 smh. WHORE

kickoff!gojo who plays for charity soccer tournaments on the weekends whenever he can 🫶🏼💕 he loves it bc there’s less pressure to play super well & also he loves getting to meet the people that the events are helping out

kickoff!gojo who has a massive sex drive (he got that athlete testosterone 😔🤚🏼) esp around someone he genuinely likes AHEM YOU so beware that if you start dating him he’s gonna beg you to put it on him at least 15 times a day and you’ll have to reject him 13.5 times

kickoff!gojo who is not ready to be a father at ALL at this point in his life but he’s thought ab how nice it would be to teach his kids how to play soccer someday :”) he’s givin me girl dad vibes tho, and you just KNOW he’s gonna be cheering on his lil girls when they’re tearing through the little league w their sparkly princess tiaras & tutus on 😤 he’d be the little league coach for sure LMAO

also little league coach!gojo would 100% promise to let the kiddos shave his head if they win the championship game 😭 i can just imagine you yelling at him when he randomly comes home bald one day

kickoff!nanami&choso&suguru who would be such protective soccer uncles to yours and gojo's duaghters. not a single boy would ever get NEAR those girls i'm telling youuu. pls pray for them haha

kickoff!gojo who figured out you were mina’s roommate through a little bit of facebook stalking. and yes, he scrolled all the way down to your embarrassing middle school photos. and yes, he still likes you despite seeing them. more, even, when he thinks about it. also, he’s pissed you had a digimon themed 9th birthday party and you didn’t invite him 😒 what’s up w that

kickoff!gojo & kickoff!choso who once illegally played an off-season tourney abroad in spain for a lump sum lmfaoo and it was a pretty decent cut of cash. but shhhh dont tell the NCAA ab that pls or else they’re fucked 💀

this is all i could think of rn haha thank you anon for the ask and hope you enjoyed them <333

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urfavlarry · 4 months

Note

heyyy could you please write a joost x fem! reader fic where the reader too is slightly famous, and she and joost have been SECRETLY dating for a year but no one knew it, so it comes as a big shock to everyone when they find out through either a paparazzi or leaked photo online or through an accidental giveaway of it during an interview <33

Red handed

Joost Klein x fem!reader

A/N: istg this is so bad but I hope you like this lmao and sorry if its short :,)

warnings: swearing, not proof read

｡ ⋆ ⋆ ˚｡⋆ ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆ ⋆ ˚⋆⋆ ｡

╰┈➤ ⋆｡‧˚ʚ 🐦 ɞ˚‧｡⋆

You scrolled through your phone, eyes wide and millions of thoughts were going through your head. You and Joost were currently miles apart, you having to leave for a family vacation you looked forward to the whole year. Joost like the gentleman he was accompanied you to the airport, helping you with everything and chatting with your family. When the time of the departure came, Joost pulled you into one last embrace before going your own ways. The first few days were wonderful. You enjoyed yourself on the beach, some fans recognising you which made you so so happy to be known all over the world. Like I said before, you were having a wonderful time until now. You stumbled upon a photo that was shared by an unknown user, already having thousands of views of you and Joost at the airport. You never really experienced paparazzi, only a small amount but not to the point people leaked photos of you when you were just walking across the street to the grocery store like they do to some celebrities.

———————————————————

user77220096543

@user77220096543

Joost Klein and Y/N L/N at the Schiphol Airport in Amsterdam this Monday morning.

Liked by loverboyz, y/n4life and 89,689 others

@user74320531 and 76.5K others commented

user555: new ship?

maxxinerivera: yall are some stalkers let them live tf

joostkleinswife: joost can do better then that

╰┈➤ midnightsxlover replied to joostkleinswife: too real

———————————————————

Joost knew about the photo, already messaging you if you’re okay, reassuring you everything will be okay and that you would work things out. It wouldn’t even bother you that people knew about your relationship, you weren’t ashamed of Joost and would show him off proudly but some fans were too much to handle. Most people sent the both of you death threats but you chose to ignore them. Why should they decide who you love?

After getting back home to The Netherlands you got greeted by Joost waiting for you, the place being crowded from all the crazy fan girls trying to take photos of you two together or yell congratulating and kinds things to you which you dearly appreciated. It was something you expected, you were bound to get caught someday and it was really a miracle you kept it a secret for a little over a year. Joost picked you up and spinned you around, kissing you on the forehead making all the fans cheer. Your face felt hot, holding onto Joosts hand which he gladly squeezed as reassurance. The both of you walked out of the airport hand in hand Joost getting in to the taxi with you and went to your shared home.

It felt nice to be home, calming even. Joost picked you up making you wrap your legs around his waist, walking with you to your bedroom. He layed you down gently before getting on top of you, caging you with his weight. “Joost.. come on I didn’t even unpack.” “That can wait, are you okay tho? With all those people knowing about us?” You thought about it for a few minutes, your hand in Joosts soft blonde hair. You shrugged slightly, making Joost look up at you. “If anyone is bothering you I have no problem speaking up about it. You know I love you with my whole heart mijn liefde.” (my love) “I know, I know. It’s just a bit overwhelming but I expected it to happen some day I mean the media is crazy soo.. I’m okay with people knowing.” Joost smiled lovingly at you, kissing your cheek, then mouth. The kiss was quick but sweet, making your stomach erupt with butterflies and cheeks feel hot. You stare at his adorable face, his soft smile making your day a hundred times better like it usually did.

You went on to show each other off, Joost always having a hand on your waist or even just holding onto your arm like a lost child meanwhile you posted things with you two together happily, showing up at his concerts more often sometimes singing your own songs to open up Joosts concerts which you loved doing. People saw you guys as THE couple, everyone cheering, clapping, yelling during concerts when you ended the concert with one last bow and hug with your partner. It truly made you happy how people supported you through and through, some defending you when you got hate online which you after some time chose to ignore. Joost was more than happy to bring you to every event possible, even when he got to perform for Eurovision that same year, you were there for every pre-party and after-party, performance ect. even after his disqualification you never left his side.

Now you were on one of your friends tour, Bambie to be exact as an opener along with Joost. It was fun, the atmosphere being a lot different from your usual concerts which you welcomed with open arms. At the end of the concert the crowd screamed for more, so all you three looked at each other with smirks, performing a song you three worked on just a few months back. It had a mix of all your three singing styles you and Joost popping in a few phrases in your mother tongue. It made the crowd cheer, some booing which was expected but you didn’t care, having fun with your favourite people. At the end of the show, you looked at the crowd, realisation hitting you of how many people you influenced and how many people supported you. Joost grabbed your waist, kissing you on the cheek while Bambie started clapping making the crowd do the same. Maybe putting yourself out there wasn’t so bad after all.

｡ ⋆ ⋆ ˚｡⋆ ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆ ⋆ ˚⋆⋆ ｡

╰┈➤ ⋆｡‧˚ʚ 🐦 ɞ˚‧｡⋆

#joost klein x you #joost klein fanfiction #joost klein requests #joost klein x reader #joostice for joost #joost x reader #justice for joost #joost klein #joostice #free joost #stand with joost #joost klein x y/n #urfavlarry #eurovision requests #eurovision x reader #eurovision fanfiction #eurovision 2024 #eurovision

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wheeboo · 2 months

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tell me that you love me | joshua hong {part two}

SYNOPSIS. in which you and joshua are simply different in more ways than one, yet only seem to find a common ground in struggling to chase your dreams. so why does life keep throwing you two at each other, despite your different worlds, and why does it feel so terrifyingly right? PAIRING. musician!joshua hong x deaf-artist!reader (ft. cafe owner!jeonghan, musician!seokmin, best friend!seungkwan, best friend!wheein, producer!jihoon) GENRE. fluff, slice of life, kdrama romance-esque, mild angst, strangers to friends to lovers, slow burn WARNINGS/TAGS. cursing, shua and reader has some self-doubt issues :(, someone makes insensitive comments about reader, mention of alcohol (beer), mention of cigarettes, everyone ships them, kissing, terms of endearment, Softie Domestic Joshua™, it conveniently rains when they're together, this is 85% fluff and 15% plot and the brainrot was giving me an existential crisis, honestly there's not much warnings it's just a love story <3 WORD COUNT (FOR PART TWO). 17k WORD COUNT (FOR FULL FIC). 37k

notes: for some reason even tho this whole part is almost as long as the first part it still feels rushed asf lmao. there are a bit of time skips between most sections, and prob a noticeable decline in quality the more u read HAHA. idk what else to say other than i hope you all enjoy and thank you for joining me on this journey <3 your feedback and reblogs mean the world to me !!

part one | part two

The taste of the salty breeze is sharp on your tongue. Sand raids onto your sandals and crawls playfully up to your ankles as you step foot on the expansive beach.

“Ahh, it’s been a long time since we’ve gone to the beach!” Wheein exclaims proudly while running up to you and locking arms with yours, her hair tied back in two french braids, the carefree grin to her face infectious as ever. “No sad thoughts today. We’re here to have fun, ‘kay?”

She grabs you by the shoulders and eagerly shakes your body before you have the chance to respond. Wheein is right𑁋no sad thoughts today, it is. Seungkwan dashes up from behind as well, carrying with him two plastic bags full of drinks and snacks when the three of you stopped by the convenience store earlier. You carry a large blanket in your grasp as you all make your way to a spot a good distance away from the water. Ah, and you’ve brought your camera along too.

It turns out that Wheein and Seungkwan had planned a surprise trip to the beach solely to celebrate your art being selected for the museum. But even though that didn’t happen, they still wanted to cheer you up and lift your spirits (meaning, they stood by your front door for nearly half an hour and constantly shone their phone flashlights to get your attention inside, practically dragging you out of bed. You still love them either way).

The beach isn’t that busy at this time in the late afternoon during a weekday, so finding a quiet spot is easy. You lay out the blanket on a patch of smooth sand, making sure it's free of any debris. Seungkwan sets down the bags of snacks and drinks, and Wheein helps arrange everything neatly.

The water laps calmly up the coast, stretching for miles under the soft glow of the sun. As you settle yourself on the blanket, you catch sight of a trio of seagulls flying peacefully overhead while feeling the warmth of the sand below you and the cool breeze hitting your skin.

It’s hard not to look at the picturesque scene right before your eyes. A sun, sunrise, or sunset on the beach is something you’ve painted many times before, but you probably wouldn’t tire of it. There’s a variety of colours that the sky contains𑁋from fiery oranges and bright blues to soft pinks and purples𑁋and many people would say it’s the easiest background to capture on a canvas. But you know better.

Taking a hold of the camera around your neck, you adjust the lens and frame the seemingly endless skies right within the small viewfinder. The shutter clicks a few times as you capture the vibrant hues of the sunset slowly but surely beginning to take its course, freezing a moment of beauty in time.

After taking a moment to review the photos, you bring the camera back up to your eye again and whip your head around with the intent of taking some candid shots. However, you certainly don’t expect to capture the face of Joshua mid-laugh. He's not looking at you, or the camera, but at Wheein and Seungkwan who seemed to have quickly dropped their belongings in order to greet him. There’s two other boys behind him too𑁋Jeonghan was one of them, the other one you weren’t able to put a name on, but the wide grin on his face was enough to tell you all that you needed to know. All of them are too far for you to be able to read what they’re talking about.

Happiness looks good on them, You think.

Zooming out just slightly, a singular click is all you need to capture. It’s like everything that you need in a small, rectangular frame𑁋an encapsulation of pure joy. You lower the camera and take a few seconds to admire the candid show, the way the sun casts a golden glow on their faces, and the unguarded expressions of happiness that make the photo more than just perfect.

Bringing your camera back around your neck, you stand up from the blanket and slowly approach the group. Joshua is the first to notice you come up, as he always is, and his face doesn’t shy away from seemingly brightening up. He’s wearing a plaid button down shirt with a few of its buttons undone, a seashell necklace around his neck, and a pair of black shorts. You also notice his guitar case slinging on his shoulder.

You muster up a surprised look towards Wheein and Seungkwan about the guests you weren’t aware that were invited𑁋not that you’re complaining at all.

Wheein waves a hand in front of your face, directing your attention towards her.

“They’re here to sing!” she tells you, signing animatedly to you.

You lift a brow, letting your hands move in the air as if you’re conducting. “Sing?”

“I thought it would be a fun touch!” Wheein exclaims, then she steps closely right in front of you, seemingly lowering her voice and signing briskly so the others wouldn’t see, “I’m doing you a favour here.”

“Y/N! This is Seokmin,” Seungkwan gestures to the boy who finally has a name standing right next to Joshua, spelling out the letters of Seokmin’s name with his hands.

Immediately, Seokmin switches whatever he was holding in his right hand𑁋a microphone stand?𑁋to his other hand before extending it out to you for a handshake in perhaps the most humourously, gentlemanly way possible. The goofy grin on his face is enough to make you giggle as you shake his hand firmly.

“Nice to meet you,” You sign to him, and Seokmin’s eyes light up in awe at the way your hands move. He turns towards the others with a questionable look, and when they tell him what you signed, his grin widens even more.

“It’s nice to meet you too!” Seokmin exclaims, the enthusiasm bouncing off him. Then he briefly glances between you and Joshua, wiggling his brows and adding, “I’ve been told a lot about you.”

Glancing over at Joshua, you notice the way he brings his head down to his feet for a moment, but then he lifts himself back up and meets your gaze with a fond smile.

“Okay, you guys can go set your things up. Seungkwan and I will set up the snacks and drinks,” Wheein says. “I say we go in the water after the performance. Who’s in?”

Right away, the remaining five of you come to a simultaneous agreement. Jeonghan, Seokmin, and Joshua begin to move towards a spot a little further down the beach where they can set up their equipment. Wheein and Seungkwan grab the bags with the food and drinks to set them up near the blanket, leaving you behind to soak in the sight of the beach once more.

“Right here is good.” Joshua motions to a spot on the ground where Jeonghan sets up the speaker for the microphone. “Did you bring the extension cord?”

Jeonghan pleasantly rolls his eyes, shaking his head as he whips out the extension cord and connects it to the speaker with ease. “You really don’t believe in me, don’t you?” Then he glances past Joshua’s shoulders, smirking faintly to himself. “Target incoming. Six o'clock.”

Joshua turns his body around, wiping away the sand from his hands, and his eyes land straight on you approaching up to him. The corners of his mouth turn upward at the sight of you, dazed eyes lingering on the way you carry yourself quietly toward him. The sunlight catches in your hair, and the backdrop of the ocean makes you appear like a painting that had come to life. He quickly clears his throat.

When you come up to him, you hold out your phone towards him.

Didn’t expect to see you here today

Joshua stifles a half-hearted laugh, plucking the phone from your grasp to type right below your line.

Is that a bad thing?

As you read the message, you could only scowl playfully, before taking your phone back.

How did you even know about this anyway?

After scanning your message, Joshua glances around before pointing at something behind you𑁋to Wheein and Seungkwan, who were both dashing away from a wave that was washing onto the shore.

“Your friends are really adamant about cheering you up,” he remarks teasingly. “I couldn’t just say no.”

You could visibly see the utter panic in Wheein’s face from afar when Seungkwan nearly stumbles into the wet sand, her hands coming to grab the younger boy’s arm to pull him up. Then their faces shift into a fit of laughter. You really don’t know what you would do without them, honestly.

“Thank you,” You sign to Joshua when you turn back to him.

Joshua’s eyes roam over your face with a soft, contemplative expression. Then he motions down to your phone that was in your grasp, and you hand it to him, your fingers briefly brushing against each other.

A thoughtful look spreads across his features, before he types a response on your phone, fingers moving swiftly over the screen, and you read his message:

You look beautiful today.

The words on the screen seem to glow brighter than usual, and you feel a rush of affection flood into you like the waves at high tide. Your hand nearly goes limp, almost dropping your phone into the sands below, your heart stuttering in your chest as you regain your composure. For once, even communicating with your hands feels clumsy, inadequate.

But before you can say anything, a damp hand lands at your shoulder, and you whip your head around to see Wheein standing there, hair dripping wet and chest heaving with exhaustion.

“If we don’t start, I’m going to kill Seungkwan,” Wheein says while exaggeratedly signing, face scrunched up in annoyance.

You scratch the back of your neck bashfully before turning off your phone and averting your eyes away from Joshua. You drag Wheein away to help her dry off while the others set up the rest of the equipment.

By the time everything is set up, there’s a small gathering of curious beachgoers nearby who seem to be drawn by the preparation going on. Some were sitting on blankets spread out on the sand, while others stood in small groups at a respectful distance.

You find yourself sitting on a blanket with Wheein and Seungkwan right next to you. The two of them were conversing with each other, and all you could do was watch Joshua. He takes out his guitar from the case before sitting on a folded up plastic chair. He runs a hand through his hair and seems to strum a few notes, probably checking the sound levels𑁋Jeonghan sends him a thumbs-up from the side. Seokmin also sits down in a chair right next to him, adjusting the microphone to his mouth and tapping a few times on its head.

“Hello, everyone!” Joshua announces into the microphone. He’s too far away for you to read his lips properly, but he’s still signing for you, for you to understand even when you’re not directly in front of him. Did he practice all of this beforehand? “Thank you all for stopping by to listen.”

It’s hard to fully catch what he signs next. He might be nervous, you think, but that’s still endearing in itself. The sun hangs low in the sky, casting a warm, golden hue over the beach, as Joshua begins to strum his guitar. Seokmin fixes himself up to the microphone, fingers tapping beats against his thigh. His face shifts into focus, eyes closing to the music taking over that you can feel reverberate through the fresh air.

Joshua's fingers dance across the strings, then Seokmin's voice joins in. You watch their performance unfold, catching glimpses of their expressions𑁋Joshua's focused yet occasionally glancing your way with a reassuring smile, Seokmin's eyes closed in immersion with the music.

At the corner of your eye, you see Wheein and Seungkwan swaying to the music. When Wheein turns towards you, she reaches down to grab your hand into hers and lifts it up into the air with a grin, swaying your hands together from left to right. She also does the same with Seungkwan, and it’s just the three of you moving your bodies enthusiastically to the music as it swarms throughout the lively atmosphere of the beach. The small gathered audience around seem caught in the moment too.

When the first song ends, you clap along with the others, feeling the exhilaration of the performance blossom within your chest. Joshua lets his eyes roam around, briefly settling in your gaze for a moment, and the sight of your genuine joy only encourages him even more. He nods to Seokmin, who flashes him a thumbs-up, and then they dive into the next song.

It’s an emotional one this time. You could tell from the pensive looks on everyone's faces𑁋Seungkwan seems like he’s even about to cry𑁋and it only makes you think what they’re singing about. But you don’t let it bother you; instead, you still slowly sway your body, closing your eyes and letting yourself immerse in the moment.

Grains of sand slip through the cracks of your fingers. The sun has almost fully set at this point, merely just a golden half-circle sinking into the horizon. Water drips down your hair and skin onto the towel below you, goosebumps crawling its way up your arms from the night breeze that was beginning to settle in. You have no idea what time it is right now𑁋the beach is probably going to close soon, you think.

The others are still wading in the water, except for Jeonghan who might be passed out on another blanket not that far away from you. The events from the past few hours have started to rain down on you, a small yawn leaving you as you use the towel below to dab at your legs.

However, you feel something encase around you suddenly, and you perk up to the warm feeling of a towel being draped over your shoulders. Looking up, you see Joshua standing right above you, a towel of his own in his hands. He places himself down right next to you as if it was the most natural thing to do, and you let him. You like… being close with him like this.

Joshua dries off his hair with the towel, and you have to take your gaze away from the fact that his arms are exposed because of the sleeveless black top he was wearing. His hair comes out in a loose mess, wet strands sticking to his forehead. He glances over at you for a second, sending you a brief smile, and again, you avert your eyes away, moving your neck around to ignore the heat creeping up your body.

You don’t suppress the smile passing over your own face, though.

A light nudge at your side blinks you back to reality, making you turn to see an illuminated phone screen right in front of you.

Tired?

That was all to make another yawn leave you once again. Joshua just chuckles at the way you angle your face away from the phone screen, trying to hide your weariness. He brings the phone back to type something else before showing it to you.

Feeling happy though?

You almost want to scoff at that, but you don’t. It’s hard to not notice the way you feel happy right now. Maybe you’re glowing or something, maybe the pain that you feel in your cheeks is from all the smiles that was plastered on your face throughout the day. Whatever it is, you can’t deny it𑁋yes, you feel happy.

Joshua sees it too. There was probably no use in asking. The answer blooms on your features, perhaps brighter than the first stars beginning to twinkle above.

And so, you simply nod.

When Joshua retrieves his phone back, there’s a subtle shift in his face that was noticeable in the light. His fingers start typing across the screen, but then it stops, starts again, and stops.

He turns to you, expression turning serious. “Is it okay if I ask you something? You don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to.”

You huddle more into the towel and meet his gaze with a curious tilt of your head. His eyes flicker between you and his phone. After a few minutes of quiet contemplation, he hesitantly shows you the screen.

Have you ever wished that you could hear again?

For some reason, Joshua expects for you to be taken aback by the question, maybe even awkward or offended. But, instead, a relaxed look graces your features, a subtle curve at your lips, and you shake your head. Then you take the phone, typing out:

Not really. When I lost my hearing at 7, I used to cry to sleep knowing I won’t be able to hear my parent’s voices again. But over time, I didn’t let it bother me. It’s a part of who I am. It doesn’t make me any less than anyone else. It doesn’t make the world any less beautiful than it is now. There will always be challenges, like missing out on a joke or an important announcement. But I’ve learned to find beauty in the little things. Like feeling music through vibrations, or how sunlight hits my skin and tells me that the day is beautiful. I could read people’s faces and feel their excitement or their sadness. These are sounds in their own ways. So no, I don’t really wish I could hear again. I’ve found my own way to listen and be heard.

You even feel out of breath after typing all that out, but you feel lighter. Your heart feels completely vulnerable right now, all the thoughts swirling around you seem easy to catch in another’s hands. But Joshua is gentle with those thoughts, as if he’s placing them back down on the ground for you to navigate them together. You notice a flicker of something akin to awe wash over his features as he quietly reads your words to himself, a thoughtful crease forming between his brows. Then, he starts to type.

For me, I’ve been surrounded by sound all my life. Voices, instruments, the noise of the city. It’s kind of hard to imagine going through life without it. I’ve learned to grow up analyzing tones, pitches, chords, and notes. And because of that I get afraid of being the one off-key. But I like being quiet with you. And I like talking to you. And I like getting to know you. There’s a part of me that thinks I wouldn’t get tired of looking at you. I don’t know if it’s the silence that helps me focus, but I just know it helps me focus on you.

You swear you don’t even blink when you read over his words, once, twice, five times over. There’s a tugging at the strings of your heart, a sweet ache spreading through your chest, a sensation much to the pull of the ocean’s tide. When you draw your eyes away from the phone and to Joshua, his gaze meets yours in the middle, a hesitant question lingering painted over his features.

He brings his hands once more. He points to himself first, then faces his hand towards his chest, putting his thumb and index finger close to his chest with the other fingers extended out. Next, he slowly moves his hand forward, bringing his thumb and index finger closer together. And finally, he points to you, like you’re the last piece of the puzzle.

“I like you.”

A lump forms in your throat, and that familiar flutter of butterflies takes flight in your stomach, but it’s demanding this time and impossible to ignore. Letting your eyes drift over his face𑁋from his somewhat damp, tousled hair and down to the curve of his lips𑁋you know exactly how you feel.

Without hesitation; without doubt, you kiss him the next moment. It’s a tentative touch at first, making Joshua’s eyes widen in surprise and you pull away with uncertainty. For a second, he could only gaze at you, but then an adoring smile blooms across his face, an admiring sparkle in his pupils. Then he tilts his head just slightly, almost in a teasing manner, and leans back in to capture your lips against his once more.

Even when your eyes flutter to a close, you still feel his smile against your skin, matching the warmth that spreads through you like strokes of paint on a canvas, like music that fills a silent space. Something comes to cover over your hand on the towel𑁋Joshua’s hand rest over yours, warm and securely, thumb coming to reassuringly rub over the skin there.

When you pull away, you have the urge to bury yourself in the towel wrapped around you or run away in a fit of panic. You end up doing the former, burying your face further in the soft cotton. But Joshua doesn’t let you completely disappear, a shy chuckle of his own leaving his lips as he reaches out to gingerly tug the towel down just enough to reveal your eyes.

“Hi there,” he says softly, before some worry stretches across his face. “Are you okay?”

You loosely release yourself a bit more from the towel’s grasp around you and meet his eyes with a small, reassuring smile.

“I meant what I said,” Joshua continues. His hand still rests on yours while he lifts the other one to sign again, “I like you. I really do.”

Glancing down at your laced hands, you absentmindedly brush away a few grains of sand that stuck to his knuckles. His skin is warm to the touch, and the intimate gesture makes you take a shallow breath. You lift your gaze back to this, and he follows the way you bring your hand up.

You stick out your pinky finger, almost like a promise, and extend out your thumb as well, before moving your hand back and forth to sign,

“Me too.” You continue to run the tips of your fingers over his hand. I like you too.

“Did Seokmin tell you about Jihoon?”

Joshua sprays a bottle of disinfectant on a table before grabbing the rag that was hanging loosely on his shoulder. “Who?”

“The producer guy.”

The smell of the chemicals sends an unpleasant crinkle to Joshua’s nose. He pauses his cleaning for a moment. “Haven’t heard of him.”

“Well, he’s a producer apparently. A fairly new one. I think Seokmin mentioned that he went to high school and university with him𑁋wasn’t entirely close to him, though. Just a name that was sort of tossed around.” Jeonghan stops to take a loud bite out of a bag of chips. “But I’ve heard he’s got a studio opened now somewhere. So maybe…”

Joshua lightly chuckles. “You know I’ve gotten scammed from this type of stuff, right?”

“I’ve done my research.” Jeonghan promptly sits up in the chair (yes, he’s not helping with cleaning at all). “No heinous crimes have been committed. If anything, the only thing I could find on him is𑁋”

“Yo, Jeonghan! Where do you want this box of shit?”

Jeonghan turns somewhat annoyedly towards the source of the voice: this guy named Wonsik that he had hired recently since having Joshua as the only other worker around was proving to be insufficient. Joshua can’t say he’s exactly a fan of him though. His attitude is a bit… brash, to say the least.

“Just leave it in the storage room,” Jeonghan says, pointing in the direction with a chip in his hand.

After wiping off the final corner of the table, Joshua feels his phone vibrate in his back pocket. As he takes it out and catches a glimpse of the notification, he can’t help but smile to himself.

Joshua takes off the apron he’s been wearing, neatly hanging it up on a hook by the door that was designated for staff.

Jeonghan catches him mid-chew. “Curfew time?”

“Yep.”

“Gross,” Jeonghan mumbles sarcastically while crumpling up his bag of chips. “You know, just because you’re in a relationship now doesn’t mean you get to slack off on closing duties.”

Joshua rolls his eyes playfully. “Whatever, I’ll make it up tomorrow.”

Wonsik emerges from the storage room, catching Joshua’s attention with his loud, assertive footsteps and nearly running into him, the scent of cigarette smoke trailing behind him. He mumbles something about finally finishing taking in all the boxes, carrying the last one labeled with supplies, his expression a mix of boredom and disdain as he spots Joshua preparing to leave.

“Finally taking off, huh?" Wonsik sneers, eyeing Joshua up and down. “Off to be the hero for your little deaf partner?”

Whatever politeness Joshua had to his features had faded away in an instant, his jaw clenching tightly to the words. He adjusts the strap of his guitar case on his shoulder and meets Wonsik's arrogant gaze evenly.

“Watch your mouth,” Joshua says sharply, a warning edge to his voice that cuts through the room like a knife.

“What? I’m just saying it must be hard to deal with them, that’s all. Like how do you even communicate? Doing your little hand stuff? Must be an ass to handle all that shit.”

Joshua's nostrils flare at that, sensing his patience wearing thin at Wonsik's blatant insensitivity. His fists clench at his side momentarily, but he keeps in his anger, knowing that losing his cool most definitely won't help the situation at all. Taking a deep breath, he meets Wonsik's eyes with a steely glare.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” Joshua replies firmly. “Don’t you have some human decency and respect in you?”

Wonsik just scoffs haughtily. That dumb, conceited smirk on his face widens even more as he leans casually against the counter, folding his arms across his chest. "Hey, I'm just saying what everyone else is thinking. It's not like I'm wrong, right? You could do so much better, man. You’re just pitying them because you feel bad.”

Just at that, his words strike a nerve in Joshua. “Y/N is more than capable of handling themself. They don’t need anyone else’s pity, least of all mine. So why don’t you mind your own business? Learn some respect while you’re at it, asshole.”

Wonsik shoots Joshua a final contemptuous glance before turning on his heel, shoving past Joshua, and disappearing back into the storage room, muttering something under his breath that Joshua isn’t bothered to decipher.

Heading back into the main area of the café, Joshua stops right before the door to turn towards Jeonghan. “Do me a favour and𑁋”

“Don’t worry,” Jeonghan interjects, waving him off dismissively. “He won’t come back tomorrow.”

Joshua’s shoulders visibly relax at that. “Thanks,” And when his hand lands on the door handle, he stops again. “I’ll do that thing, by the way.”

“That thing?”

“Mhm.” Joshua just nods. “I’ll ask Seokmin about Jihoon.”

Joshua hums quietly after every pluck of his guitar string, twisting the tuning pegs at the head of the guitar with every note deemed off-key. The sounds leaving his guitar bounce off the walls of your apartment and blend with the smell of leftover ramen that lingers in the room.

You sit across from him with two steaming cups of tea in your hand, carefully placing them on the coffee table in front of him. He glances up from tuning his guitar, eyes softening as they meet yours. Resting the guitar against the arm of the couch, he gratefully takes the mug that was waiting for him on the table, taking a quick sip of the jasmine tea you had prepared.

You peer at him worriedly, forming a claw shape with your hand and moving it downward to sign, “Hot?”

Joshua shakes his head, sipping once more and setting it back on the table.

“It’s perfect,” he tells you reassuringly.

Placing the guitar back on his lap, he positions his arms comfortably over it as if preparing to play something. Yet he catches the way your eyes watch his fingers glide over the strings. Joshua fixes his posture and presses his back against the couch behind.

“Do you want to try?” he asks. His fingers rest lightly on the strings, demonstrating a chord before letting them hover, waiting for your response.

The hesitation within you is shunned aside from the subtle hope of his invitation. Warily, you shift closer to him, settling between his legs as he positions the guitar in your grasp. His hands cover over yours, guiding your fingers over the frets and showing you how to press down on the strings. The wood of the guitar is smooth under your touch, vibrating weakly as you pluck the strings a few times tentatively.

His breath fans over your skin as he leans closer to help adjust your grip on the guitar neck. You have to turn your head in order to see if he’s saying anything to you. His face is so close to yours now that you can see the fine details in his expression. There’s a slight tiredness in there too, but you don’t comment about it.

Joshua's fingers move dexterously as he shows you another chord. This time, you press down with more confidence, and the sound resonates more clearly. He watches your face light up, and you can feel the vibrations of the strings through your fingertips. It’s a bit ticklish and you can’t help but giggle softly at the sensation. His hands still hover over yours for a few moments, but then he pulls back to give you a bit more space.

The chords you're playing aren't perfect𑁋they come out off-pitch and you aren’t able to tell, or the strumming patterns are a bit uneven𑁋but Joshua doesn’t mind. He doesn’t seem to notice or care about the mistakes.

After some time, you cautiously set the guitar on the floor, letting it lean back against the couch. By the time you finish taking another sip of your tea, Joshua is already holding out his phone to you.

If I wanted to get your attention without accidentally scaring you, how could I do that?

A feeling of déjà vu slithers down your body at the question, and you could tell Joshua feels it too. Briefly, you think about the first time the two of you met. It’s quite surreal how far you’ve come already.

You grab his phone to type:

I wouldn’t worry about scaring me like before, since I know that it’s you. I’m familiar with you. A small tap on the shoulder is okay, or you can flash your phone light. Wheein and Seungkwan do that to get my attention if they’re outside the door

Joshua reads your response, then shoots an understanding look, a thoughtful curve to his lips. The next thing that you catch is a yawn leaving him, which he tries to cover up with a sheepish smile.

“Tired?” You sign to him.

“A little bit,” he replies meekly. “Just some things on my mind.”

You tilt your head slightly, curiosity piqued at that.

Joshua practically melts into the couch, the exhaustion in his posture evident as he stretches out his legs and lets out a soft sigh.

“Work has been picking up a bit, people are ridiculous sometimes,” he starts, a twinge of frustration to his features. “I haven’t been able to go busking recently either, but… I think an opportunity came up. For music.”

Your eyes widen with interest, and you lean forward slightly, encouraging him to continue.

But he only hesitates. “I just don’t know if it’s worth pursuing. There are so many people out there who make big promises, but not all of them deliver. I don’t want to get involved in something that could turn out to be another dead end.”

A frown crosses its way across your lips. You can sense his apprehension and understand the reason behind it, but you also recognise the glimmer of hope in his eyes. Slipping out your own phone, you type:

You should go with what your heart is telling you to do. I’ll be there to support you either way :)

Your words drip of care and affection, feeling the uncertainty in his heart soften when he pinpoints the sincerity in your eyes. For a brief second, his gaze flickers down to your mouth before returning back up to your gaze. Without another word, he leans in, letting his lips brush against yours in a fleeting kiss.

Even in the few weeks the two of you have been together, moments like these will take some time to get used to. It’s both intimidating and exhilarating, comforting and thrilling all in one. But it’s undeniable that it feels… right, natural.

As cheesy as it sounds, that is what his heart told him to do at that moment𑁋to kiss you as a way to say thank you. A shy, boyish grin tugs at the corners of Joshua’s mouth when he pulls away. He takes a visible deep breath, as if drawing strength from your closeness, attentive eyes roaming over your face for any discomfort, but he finds none. The tips of your ears feel like they’re on fire, if anything.

“Cute.” He lightly taps the bud of your nose, causing you to scrunch up your face in response. “Thank you. I mean it.”

You only smile and nod under his gaze, signing with a simple, “I know.”

You lose track of time in front of the canvas when a yawn of your own leaves your mouth. Admittedly, it’s been hard motivating yourself to paint lately ever since your rejection at the exhibition, but somehow this time around, the colours on the canvas look more… livelier.

You glance between the unfinished canvas and to the candid picture that you took that day at the beach of your friends’ smiling faces. If this is how you’re going to encourage yourself to get back into painting, then so be it: painting a moment that you could simply define as happiness.

When another yawn leaves you, you swirl your paintbrush in a murky cup of water to clean it off before setting it aside. You stand from the chair and stretch, feeling the stiffness in your muscles from sitting in one position for too long. When you shift your gaze behind you, the sight that appears before you sends a leap of surprise through you.

Your eyes land on a sleeping Joshua, whose head rests against the arm of the couch, relaxed body slumped against the cushions, and one of his arms dangling off the edge. Tiptoeing over to him, you grab a blanket that Wheein had crocheted for your birthday from a nearby armchair and drape it over him. He shifts slightly at the movement but doesn’t wake, instead settling more deeply into the couch with a soft, contented sigh.

You don’t have it in to wake him up, because this feels right𑁋him at your place, falling asleep, and a sense of peace floating through the air.

If Seokmin didn’t come along, Joshua would probably have turned around on his heels by now and declined the offer.

Apparently Jihoon’s studio was located in a somewhat sketchy part of the city, and it took only one tumultuous month later to finally set a date to meet up. Joshua glances around the area, taking in a few worn-down buildings and graffiti-covered walls, wondering if this is really the right place.

“This place better not be a dump,” Seokmin mutters under his breath, scanning around nervously. “I swear, Jihoon has always been a bit of a mystery, but he’s got talent for sure. He was practically the maestro of the entire music program back then.”

“And you reunited with him… how?”

“At the gym,” Seokmin answers, but it’s more under his breath as if he was a bit embarrassed by it. The sly laugh that leaves Joshua makes him jut out his bottom lip. “I wanted to know his workout routine! I didn’t even recognise him after all these years.”

Joshua just rolls his eyes, the lighthearted banter lessening some of his nerves.

It would be his first time to walk into an actual studio. Somehow, Jihoon’s place was a good size to accommodate a variety of sound equipment and a living space at the same time. Compared to the gritty exterior, the inside certainly had more of a calming ambience. Neon lighting illuminated the room, casting a warm glow over the sleek equipment and musical instruments. Records lined the shelves and posters of artists decorated the walls, all bringing more character to the place.

Jihoon himself was the epitome of calm and collected, bringing an aura of meticulous confidence that caressed every inch of the studio. He’s been working independently this entire time, and according to Seokmin, he's been steadily putting a name for himself in the underground music scene right after graduating from university.

“So,” Jihoon starts, spinning around in the chair he was sitting on. Even when he was wearing a simple pair of sweatpants and a black tee, he still appeared effortlessly cool. “you’re a singer?”

Joshua looks down at himself for a moment as if questioning his own presence here, fingertips gliding steadily over the strings of his guitar. “Yeah. Been busking for the past year or so. Played guitar for my entire life. I’ve written some of my own songs, too.”

Surprisingly, this is enough to convince Jihoon. “Alright, then. Show me what you got.”

In its entirety, it was a surreal experience, and there’s just this inkling, this pinch of hope in the space between the tips of Joshua’s fingers whispering to him that he’s finally on the path to accomplishing his dreams. He’s never heard the sound of his voice so clearly before. Unlike the studio, there are no walls surrounding him when he busks𑁋only the open air, the street sounds blending with his music. But in the studio, the environment is different.

It’s as if his music is finally being given the space it deserves to breathe and thrive, just like he had always wanted for it to do.

The excitement is even evident in the way he’s gripping your hand as the two of you are walking back to your place together later that same night. Walking together has always been routine between the two of you, yet now there’s a certain lightness in the air knowing you both share the same love for these moments together.

Joshua feels the way you squeeze his hand, and when he looks at you, you’re holding out your phone for him to read.

So are you planning on seeing him again next week?

A contemplative look crosses his face, but it doesn’t take long for the corners of his lips to curve up.

“I think so,” he answers, eyes lighting up with optimism. “I think I might be getting to where I want to be, you know?”

The excitement that trickles down his body flows through your interlaced hands, and you find yourself smiling alongside him. You love knowing you get to be a witness of this pivotal moment for him. You love seeing him happy just as much as you love being happy around him.

When you reach the entrance of your apartment building, your hand still hasn’t left his. Joshua gazes past your shoulder towards the door, and then back to you.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?” he asks, a teasing tilt to his head. “Even for just an hour?”

You wiggle your eyebrows at him, only giving him a simple shake of your head.

“Hm, am I that much of a distraction?” he muses, stepping just a tad bit more closer to you, and you know you’re digging yourself more into the ground at this point. “I love watching you paint though.”

You attempt to power through the way his words send a jolt through you, stubbornly standing your ground with the most serious expression you could muster. It’s not that you don’t want him to stay with you a little longer𑁋because you might quite possibly set everything aside for him without a doubt𑁋but you’ve made it a goal to get back into painting on your own terms and slowly but surely regain your confidence.

After putting on a small pout, Joshua’s gaze just softens. “Promise me you won’t stay up late?”

You nod, feeling the warmth of his concern and signing, “Promise.”

He still doesn’t let go of your hand, his thumb coming to caress tenderly over your knuckles. Joshua’s eyes flicker to your lips, and he leans in slowly, giving you plenty of time to pull away if you wanted to. But you don’t. Then he leans in and pauses once more, nose briefly brushing against yours, before pressing a soft kiss to your lips.

“Goodnight,” he signs when he pulls away, running a hand down your arm before reluctantly stepping back.

You could never get over the satisfying wave of relief that hits you whenever you complete a painting.

The first time you finished a painting was when you were eight years old. It was a simple watercolour painting of your family house, distinctively placed on a large hill instead of being surrounded by your neighbouring homes. Your mother had stuck it on the refrigerator for as long as you could remember alongside other family photos until it got too worn out from being taken down and put back up so many times, even being forgotten at some points when other mementos covered it. The fridge seemed so empty without it.

Seeing that painting every day reminded you of the joy of creating something with your own hands𑁋filling a space with something beautiful and meaningful, just like you had envisioned it in your mind. It’s not just about copying the photograph you used as reference; it’s about translating those fleeting, joyful moments into something real. You want people to look at your painting and feel the same happiness, the same warmth that you felt in that moment. It’s about capturing a moment in time and making it last forever. This is what art means to you.

“This is stunning, Y/N!” Wheein exclaims when you stand right next to her. “You made the sand look so real! And you used such a gorgeous gradient for the sky. You gotta give me some tips later! Have you thought about showing this to your teacher?”

You frown a little at that. You haven’t exactly been putting in the effort to show up at all. The sting of that rejection at the exhibition still lingers, making you hesitate to put yourself out there again. You’d rather put on a show for yourself before determining whether or not it’s worth sharing with others.

“I don’t know,” You answer.

“That’s okay!” Wheein says brightly. “But whenever you’re ready, let me know. We can make a killer portfolio together.”

You let out a laugh at that, mentally taking note of her offer for the future. Wheein just nudges you lightly on the hip with her own.

“You seem so much happier lately,” she acknowledges teasingly, a sly smirk crossing her face. “probably because of a certain someone…”

You feel a light flush creeping up your cheeks, and you glance away with a smile that you can’t quite hide. It hasn’t even been that long since you and Joshua have been together. Yet even though you can call him your boyfriend, he still gives you the space to grow, to dream, and to be yourself, just as you do with him. And in those times you two are together, reveling in the quiet language of your hands, letting your guard down has never felt this easy. You could share a simple smile with each other and the world seems a little brighter, a little more colourful, and a little more hopeful and meaningful.

“Oh my gosh, you’re smitten!” Wheein exclaims amusedly. “If that’s not love in your eyes, I don’t know what is.”

Love. What a silly, little word𑁋so small, yet carries so much in between its letters.

You just chuckle to yourself, savouring the way the word swirls around you.

[07:15 PM | y/n] are you nearing the place? I’m waiting by the front

You turn your phone off and bring it down, searching around for any sight of Joshua. Passerbys fill up your field of vision, all of them rushing past or casually walking by with their own different lives, but you don’t see him among the crowd. You check the time again, noting that he’s already fifteen minutes late, but you remind yourself that he’s been at Jihoon’s studio for the majority of the day and has probably been busy.

As you continue waiting, the slight chill of the evening air runs through your bones. It’s getting noticeably colder outside as winter is approaching closer and closer. You glance at your phone again, but the screen remains dark. Another ten minutes pass, and you could feel the worry creeping up your spine. It’s not like him to be this late without a reason.

The vibrant evening around you slowly begins to lose its charm, the excitement within you boiling down into a pit of disappointment, and the thought of standing alone any longer becomes unbearable. So, with a heavy sigh, you decide to walk away, pushing away the disappointment with every step that you take.

[07:28 PM | y/n] I’ll be heading home. let me know when you’re finished at jihoon’s

You slip your phone into your pocket, feeling a twinge of sadness as you start walking towards the nearest crosswalk. Above you, the streetlights cast long shadows on the pavement below and swallow the lively colours of the evening.

Approaching the crosswalk, the signal light shines a deep red, instructing you to stop and wait. A crowd of people all stop behind you as you wait for the light to change, and you become acutely aware of their presence surrounding you.

Your eyes wander across the street, where the traffic light turns red, and cars begin to slow down. Anticipating for the light to signal for you to cross, a sudden flash catches your attention from across the street. It looks like a flashlight, and it was flickering in a deliberate pattern.

The moment the signal light turns green, the flashing stops, unraveling Joshua standing on the other side. People brush past you in order to cross the street, yet you can only find yourself frozen. There’s a flash of urgency you catch to Joshua’s features, and your focus narrows on him as he dashes across the street toward you.

He’s breathless the second he reaches you, and his face is flushed with relief and desperation.

“I’m so sorry,” he apologises, signing frantically to you. “I lost track of time. I tried getting on the bus to get here faster but the traffic was bad. I…” His shoulders sink in dismay. “I’m sorry.”

You just shake your head dismissively, but it’s not hard to miss the subtle hurt in your face and the way you sign back to him. “It’s okay. I know your music is important to you.”

“You’re my top priority,” Joshua says quickly, eyes intense with sincerity. “Let me make it up to you, okay?”

His words send a flutter that makes your heart ache in your chest. Joshua reaches down and takes ahold of your hand in his, squeezing reassuringly. You feel a warmth spread through you as he intertwines your fingers.

“Would you like to have dinner back at my place?” Joshua offers, his lips curling up in a hopeful smile. “Jeonghan is staying at a friend’s place tonight, so it’ll just be us.”

You look up at Joshua, your heart racing at the thought of spending the evening with him.

“Okay,” You sign to him.

It’s been years since the last time you saw a record player. Your parents used to have one in the corner of the living room. It was a vintage piece, and you remember how your father used to meticulously handle the vinyl records, placing them carefully on the turntable before lowering the needle. You didn’t hear the music that came from it𑁋the music that they played before you lost your hearing was vague to memory𑁋but you loved watching the way the needle danced across the grooves of the records.

Joshua has an entire vinyl collection, and you look through each one curiously. You see names like Amy Winehouse, Radiohead, Pink Floyd, Elton John, Frank Sinatra, Nirvana, The Beatles, and even some contemporary artists like Billie Eilish, Boys Like Girls, and Lana Del Rey. The covers of each one are like pieces of art themselves, with their vintage charm and intricate designs.

When Joshua turns away from the stove, he looks at you, where you’re already peering at him.

“Do you want to play something?” You sign to him, thinking that he might want to listen to something while you’re here together.

Joshua’s eyes only soften as he takes in your question. “You don’t have to play anything.”

You smile bashfully. “I want to.”

He feels a tug at his heart at the pleading expression to your face. He briefly checks the food cooking on the stove before walking to where you’re sitting on the floor, his vinyls scattered in front of you.

“Okay,” he tells you. “Pick whichever one you want.”

Joshua watches as you carefully pick a vinyl𑁋you end up picking The Beatles, a classic𑁋and with practiced hands, he helps you place the record on the turntable and lowers the needle. You watch as the record starts to spin and the needle settles within the grooves.

You turn toward Joshua, signing, “Is it playing?”

The sound that comes off the record player is a bit distorted at first, but after some time, it manages to smooth out. Joshua just nods, his face lighting up with a smile at the way you appear so engrossed by the spinning record.

Dinner comes by in a jiffy. The singular kitchen light hangs above the small table that you both are sitting at, the aroma of Joshua’s cooking wafting through the air. It wasn’t anything spectacular, but the simplicity of the meal𑁋steamed vegetables, grilled chicken, and fluffy rice𑁋makes it all the more comforting. You definitely would have preferred this over restaurant food.

You eat slowly, savouring the flavours of each bite. You can feel Joshua's eyes on you, and you can't help but smile.

“Good?” he asks.

You give a few enthusiastic nods, and the sight lights up Joshua’s face even further.

The record player was still faintly playing music in the background, yet the quietness that he gets to share with you is what he cherishes the most. It’s not awkward or forced; it’s a comfortable silence that pleasantly wraps around you both. The occasional pop or crackle from the record player blends in with the sounds of your contented chewing and the soft clinking of utensils.

Afterwards, you find yourself settling on the couch in Joshua’s living room as you wait for him to come back to the bathroom, and you take the time to peer around his space.

You already know that he’s living with Jeonghan too, so you love how you’re able to easily distinguish the small snippets that belong to Joshua. Apart from the collection of vinyl records, you also see a few microphone stands and a keyboard set up in one corner, as well as an empty guitar stand where you know his guitar belongs.

Letting your eyes drift, the coffee table in front of you catches your attention. There’s a couple of coasters, the remote for the TV, a cute succulent in the middle. But then your eyes land on something else.

On it, you spot a book laying flat on the table. Curiosity piqued, you reach over to examine it. The book is a sign language dictionary. You open it to find that it’s filled with detailed illustrations of hand signs, and throughout the pages you see Joshua’s handwriting scattered throughout. Some of the pages are marked with sticky notes, others you spot silly doodles of smiley faces in the corners.

You hardly ever thought about the amount of effort he put into learning how to talk to you, to understand you. A small part of you feels bad that he has to go through all this trouble to learn sign language. But then you remember that he chose to do this, that this was his decision, not yours.

The spot on the couch right next to you dips down slightly as Joshua sits down. He glances at the sign language dictionary in your hands and glances at you with a soft, curious look, and it makes you look away sheepishly.

Dropping the book in your lap, you fumble for your phone, typing out:

You did all of this for me?

When Joshua reads the message, a small chuckle leaves him.

“I wanted to get to know you better,” he tells you, your eyes flickering between his hands and his lips. “I don’t regret it at all.”

As his words wash over you, you feel your fingers struggle to put together how much this is affecting you. You type after a few thoughtful moments.

It must have been hard. I’m sorry

Joshua only shakes his head. “It was worth it. I promise.” He pauses for a moment, gears turning in his head. “Do you want to know the first word I wanted to learn?”

You watch as he picks up his right hand, opening it up so that his fingers pointed up and his thumb toward his cheek. Then he fans his fingers across his face, and closes his hand in a relaxed fist to sign the word beautiful.

“You’re beautiful,” he finishes, his fingers gracefully forming the sign again. “I happened to have thought that the first second you walked into the café.”

You could only stare at him incredulously. Even though it isn’t the first time he’s expressed this kind of affection in your few months of being together, it still takes you by surprise, still sends those surges of flutters shooting down your limbs, still makes your mind go blank and your hands go limp.

Cowering behind a hand of your own, you motion a shy finger at him, before rolling your hand over your face, then forming a Y-shape with your hand, and shaking it slightly.

“You’re beautiful, too.”

Joshua purses his lip together at that, suppressing the giddiness threatening to stretch across his features.

“Well,” he starts, cocking his head to the side endearingly. He won’t ever get over how adorable you are when you’re flustered. “I say we compliment each other quite well then.”

From there, the two of you let out some shared, heartfelt laughter, and it sounds like absolute music to Joshua’s ears. He shows you the pages he’s gone through in the book𑁋from the alphabet and grammar, to basic common phrases, and to more, nuanced, complex sentences𑁋and it looks like he’s more than halfway done with reading and annotating through it. He eagerly points out the words and phrases he's already mastered, and the ones he's still struggling with. It's cute seeing the little doodles and notes he's written in the margins.

When he places the book back on the table and turns to you, a lightbulb goes off in your head.

“I can teach you,” You sign to him, a willing passion in your hands.

Joshua lifts a brow, copying your movement. “Teach me?”

When you nod, his face morphs into a pensive look. After a few moments, he brightens back up.

“How about the seasons?” he suggests. “We can start with those.”

You begin with spring. Your hands move as if they’re opening up to new life, the gesture mimicking the blossoming of flowers. Joshua watches intently, his eyes following your movements carefully, before mimicking the motion a few times.

Next, you move on to summer. You form a fist with your palms down at your forehead, before taking your index finger and drawing it across your brow a few times, almost as if you’re wiping away a drip of sweat.

For autumn, you use your hands to mimic falling leaves from a tree off your non-dominant elbow, making a gentle fluttering motion.

Finally, you teach him winter. You simply make a shivering motion, as if you’re cold, and Joshua chuckles as he imitates the sign. You watch in awe as he successfully goes through the signs a few times without a hitch. Giving him a few rounds of claps, he gives a shy, pleased smile, clearly proud of his progress.

“I hope we…” Joshua starts, some unsureness flowing through his hands, but he signs the seasons so easily (unbeknownst to you, he already knew them). “...we get to see spring, summer, autumn, and winter together.”

Perhaps he could feel the way your heart swells in his hands, because he’s cradling it so preciously as he speaks, and he looks at you with such hopeful eyes.

You want to spend every single season with him.

Later that night, you find yourself standing in front of the sink in Joshua’s kitchen, washing the dishes because you lost him to a game of rock-paper-scissors.

As you’re rinsing off the final dish, a light tap lands on your shoulder, making you wince for a second before quickly relaxing. A pair of arms then sneaks around your waist, pulling you close and causing you to nearly lose your grip on the plate.

Joshua gently rests his chin on your shoulder from behind. His breath hits your neck as he wraps his arms around you. He stays like this for a few moments, simply savouring the closeness of your presence against him. Then, with a mischievous smile that you don't see, he brings a finger up and slowly begins to trace your back lightly with the tip, almost like a whisper against your skin.

I…

Curious and slightly ticklish, you crane your neck slightly to look back at him over your shoulder, scrunching your face up as you try to focus on deciphering what he’s trying to write.

… l… o… v… e…

Joshua pauses momentarily, sneaking a glance at the way you’re standing so still in his hold, before tracing the final letters.

…y… o… u.

Eyes widening, you shift around in order to face him, and Joshua rests his arms on either side of you, hands gripping onto the counter behind and practically enclosing you in.

He leans in, and the world seems to narrow altogether. His half-lidded eyes flicker between your eyes and lips, as if asking for permission, and you could only anticipate what’s coming next as you squeeze your eyes shut.

Chuckling softly, Joshua inches even closer to you, and you feel his nose lightly brush against yours. But instead of pressing his lips against yours, he first kisses your forehead softly, making you shoot your eyes open in a bit of a confused daze.

But before you can fully process everything, he’s leaning in once again, and this time, his lips gently meet against the tip of your nose. You crinkle it back as a pout runs across your mouth, and Joshua’s grin widens even more.

“What’s with the face?” he teases, feigning a hurt look. “Is it because I haven’t kissed you properly yet?”

You answer with him a shy, petty tug at the fabric of his shirt.

“Give me a smile then,” Joshua insists impishly. “Please?”

Just from that alone, a shy curve sprouts at your lips, and Joshua just watches with a satisfied look.

“Hmm,” he hums skeptically, but is leaning in closer anyway. “I’ll take it.”

Then he finally kisses you, mouth moving with an ardent sweetness against yours that renders you breathless. He playfully chases after you as you manage to escape out of his grasp. But he’s quick to catch up to you anyway, the sounds of your giggles mingling with the soft crackling of the record player as you both collapse on top of the couch.

You tentatively trace I love you on his back when you’re both settled on the couch together, legs intertwined and your head perched at the crook of his neck. He’s asleep, you consider𑁋you can tell by the way you feel his chest rising and falling against yours.

Yet after you write those words, a shaky, relieved exhale leaves him that you don’t hear.

“All you have to do,” Jihoon starts, offering a seemingly heavyweight set of headphones in his other hand towards Joshua. “is press play right here, and tell me what you think.”

Joshua takes hold of the headphones as Jihoon scoots a bit of his chair away to give him some room. He places it carefully over his ears, feeling the soft cushions envelop them. Then after taking a deep breath, he reaches over to press the play button on the keyboard, and Joshua can feel his heart racing in anticipation.

Upon playing, he’s greeted with the familiar sounds of his guitar filling his ears, and then his voice comes in. Hearing himself in such a professionally produced track and not just as raw vocals bouncing off the walls of his room is absolutely unbelievable. He could also pinpoint the subtle layers Jihoon has added to the track𑁋a faint drumbeat and soft vocal harmonies.

It was a song that was once simple lyrics in a dusty journal and a few rough guitar chords. It wasn’t meant to be anything grand; it was originally a personal project made on a whim in the middle of the night just to channel his feelings and his dreams into something palpable.

But now, hearing it with such rich yet attenuated production for the first time, it feels as if the song has taken on a life of its own.

“Holy𑁋wow,” Joshua says the moment he takes off the headphones, staring at Jihoon with disbelief. “Are you sure this is my song?”

Jihoon chuckles at that. “Positive, man.”

Joshua’s eyes remain wide. He holds the headphones in his hands, turning them over and inspecting them closely as if trying to decipher the magic hidden within.

“I never imagined it could sound like this,” he admits meekly. “I mean, I’ve always dreamed about this, but... to actually hear it like this? It’s incredible.”

Jihoon nods encouragingly. “You had the foundation; I just built on it. I’m telling you, with the right push, it could really connect with people.”

Joshua leans back in his chair, still holding the headphones in his grasp like it's a sacred bar of gold, and lets out a deep breath. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

“The recording will be on this USB drive,” Jihoon shows off a tiny, ruby red drive in his hand. “I’ll work on polishing it up a bit more, but this is essentially it. You could also gain some attention from your busking gigs. What do you say?”

Well, it’s not like he can say no to that.

“I’m in,” Joshua replies with a grin.

The minute that he steps out of the studio later that day, a breeze of cold air suddenly nips at his cheek. Joshua brings his head up to see the sky thick with clouds, and to his amazement, delicate snowflakes begin to fall, gently drifting down and settling on his hair and shoulders. It’s the first snowfall of the season.

There’s something almost magical about the way the snow falls, he thinks. As he continues to walk through the streets, there’s a sense of renewal that washes over him, a fresh start, just like the song he’s worked so hard on and the dreams he's held at the tips of his fingers. He takes a deep breath, letting the cool air fill his lungs, and pulls out his phone to text you.

[05:39PM | joshua hong] Still have time to meet up later?

Your reply comes in almost instantaneously.

[05:41PM | y/n] just left the museum :) it’s snowing outside!!!

[05:42PM | joshua hong] Dress warmly ❤️ I’ll meet you at your place?

[05:42PM | y/n] I will. see you soon ❤️

Chuckling to himself, Joshua pulls the jacket tighter around his body and stuffs his hands inside his pockets, quickening his pace at the thought of seeing you.

When the season of spring rolls over, trees are budding with beautiful, bright green leaves and flowers are blooming in a vibrant array of colours. Spring has always been one of your favourite seasons, and this year is no different𑁋especially if you get to see it with the people close to you.

You’ve been coming back to attend your art class at the museum, and you’ve decided to pick up a small side role as a teacher’s aide to earn some extra money since more people have been enrolling into the art programs. So far, it’s been very rewarding and fulfilling, and meeting new people who share your same passions has been a joy.

Plus, you could proudly say the spark for painting has been getting stronger and stronger each passing day.

Wheein greets you with enthusiasm when you walk out of the classroom, explaining with annoyance about how one of the girls in her classroom was someone she heavily despised back in high school. Seungkwan shows up when you both step out of the museum, and you have to remind them that you can’t sacrifice your plans with Joshua to hang out with them at the arcade that just opened down the street.

“They’re in their honeymoon phase,” Seungkwan rolls his eyes teasingly.

“They’ve been in their honeymoon phase for, like, half the year now,” Wheein grumbles, though her irritation is more playful than serious. “It’s not like they’re going to stop anytime soon.”

“And Y/N is practically dating a celebrity at this point. Have you seen the way people are talking about his music online?”

Your best friends are boasting about your relationship right in front of you, making you roll your eyes. But you can’t help the way your cheeks colour with a tad bit of embarrassment and… a hint of proudness too, because they’re right.

Joshua has had a few more songs released under his name, and performing at the busking centre has become a regular part of his schedule, his days working at the café lessening as he’s been focusing more on his music. His performances have been slowly drawing more attention, both locally and online, and it’s clear that his passion is shining through. You’re incredibly proud of him𑁋you’ve always had been.

Your footsteps are as light as a feather by the time you reach the busking centre. There’s already a good size crowd gathered around, and you can see Joshua sitting in the middle, propped on a stool with his guitar. Seokmin is there too, sitting on a stool of his own with a microphone in front of him, and there’s one more person. Judging by the small details that Joshua alludes to𑁋with the man’s distinctive button nose and laid-back stature𑁋you could only assume it’s Jihoon sitting behind the keyboard with a calm and focused expression.

As you, Seungkwan, and Wheein find a spot at the edge of the crowd, he seems to spot you almost immediately in the midst of singing a song, his eyes lighting up the moment they meet yours. He gives you a small smile, and you can’t help but feel a rush of warmth spread through your chest. Joshua looks completely at ease as he tunes his guitar, his fingers moving cleverly over the strings.

He looks really, really pretty. The sun seemed to be shining down on him in all the right ways, the sleeves of the white collared shirt that he was wearing pulled up to reveal his forearms, and a dainty pair of glasses sitting on the bridge of his nose. The subtle spring breeze rumples his hair just enough to make him look effortlessly handsome. You couldn't take your eyes off him.

The entire crowd is captivated, yet it's as if he's singing directly to you, and in a way, he is. The vibrations fly through the air and hit every inch of your skin and into your chest, each note reverberating in your heart. You watch the way his lips move, the way his eyes light up, and the way the crowd responds𑁋it all tells you just how special this moment is.

As the song comes to an end, the crowd erupts in applause once again, and you find yourself brightly clapping along with everyone else. He looks over at you, and for a moment, it feels like time stands still. Then he stands up with Seokmin and Jihoon following, the three of them taking a bow together, before he sets his guitar down and makes his way toward you.

Seungkwan and Wheein give you knowing looks before stepping aside to give you two some space, leaving to approach Seokmin and Jihoon.

“Did you like it?” he asks while signing to you.

You purse your lips together, shooting a musing glance up at the sky, before signing, “You already know what I think of it.”

“In fact, I do not,” Joshua responds playfully, stepping a bit closer to you. “That’s why I’m asking you, love.”

You narrow your eyes at him, feigning mock suspicion, and he seems to already know what you’re trying to point out.

“Of course I’m fishing for compliments,” he adds on with a cheeky grin, endearingly wrinkling his nose that his glasses slide down just a bit. “Your opinion matters the most to me. Winning your approval means that I’ve accomplished the world, you know.”

You can't help but laugh faintly at his words, though his earnestness warms your heart. Tentatively, you reach out to adjust his glasses, pushing them back up the bridge of his nose. His gaze follows your movements as you pull away from him slightly, the corners of his lips twitching up even further.

“It was wonderful,” You sign back bashfully. A blush creeps up your cheeks as you realise how cheesy it sounds, but Joshua’s features only soften as he reads your hands and catches a glimpse of a twinkle in your eyes when you look at him.

He reaches down and takes one of your hands into his. “That was all that I needed to know.” Then he glances at the time displayed on his phone and looks back at you. “The aquarium is still open, right?”

Your eyes widen at that𑁋that’s right, you were too caught in the moment that you nearly forgot about your plans𑁋and you give an eager nod.

“Perfect,” Joshua chips eagerly, his hand squeezing yours encouragingly. “The painting you did the other week reminded me of the jellyfish exhibit.”

“This awfully feels like a break-up.”

Joshua furrows his brows at that while folding one of his shirts and placing it inside a box. “What are you even talking about?”

“You’re breaking up with me,” Jeonghan retaliates jokingly, fauxing a sulky pout. “and moving out. I thought we had something special going on here.”

“You were the one who wanted me to move out in the first place.”

Jeonghan sighs dramatically, slumping his body against the doorframe of Joshua's now half-empty room. “That was before I realised how lonely it would be without you here. And now you’re spreading your wings and flying off.”

As sarcastic as that sounds, the corners of Joshua’s lips turn up fondly. If it weren’t for Jeonghan taking him in as his roommate from the very beginning ever since moving away, he wouldn’t lie about feeling a little sentimental.

After packing up the remains of his clothes, Joshua stands up from sitting on his ass on the floor for two hours straight, crossing his arms together and shooting Jeonghan a pointed look. “You know I’m only going to be living like… fifteen minutes away, right? And I’ll still be working at the café.”

“I’m officially putting you as full-time then.” Jeonghan’s lips quirk up in a smirk.

“Screw that,” Joshua huffs with a laugh. “I’ve already got enough on my plate.”

“Right, because you’re so famous,” Jeonghan remarks exaggeratingly. “Heard you signed a napkin for someone the other day.”

Joshua snorts at that in response. Okay, he’s certainly not as famous as Jeonghan depicts him to be, but apparently famous enough for someone to approach him and ask for his autograph on a napkin. Apart from the gigs in the busking centre, he also has a few social media accounts set up where he can post song covers on occasion and drop updates about his music.

All he has is his presence, a guitar, and a dream that’s slowly taking shape right before him. He knows it’s a long road ahead, but even with the small progress that’s been made so far, he’s hopeful, determined.

The new apartment is small but cozy. It’s not much, but it’s a place to call his own𑁋his own little corner of the world. He decides it’s not worth the energy right now to unpack everything and instead settles on top of the lone mattress that’s currently on the middle of the floor, feeling both exhausted and oddly content.

He stretches his body on top of the soft surface and lets out a sigh of relief as he sinks into the mattress, gazing aimlessly at the barren ceiling above him. The remnants of packing are scattered about the place, with boxes sitting in corners and unopened bags lying around. His guitar sits on its stand right next to the window. There are still many things to figure out𑁋how to decorate the place, where to put everything, what this all means for his future.

But for now, he allows himself this moment of stillness; this brief, quiet pause before turning the page to the next chapter.

After nearly nodding off, a few knocks at the door jolt him awake. He blinks in surprise, pushing himself up from the mattress. Stretching out his tired limbs, he makes his way to the door, opening it to find you standing on the other side.

You stand there with a bag clutched at your side, suspended under the singular hallway light that highlights the fondness in your eyes. You shake the bag lightly.

“Food?” You sign to him.

Joshua swears his heart drops down to his knees just from that alone, his exhaustion melting away from your simple offer. Then his stomach rumbles, as if in agreement, reminding him that he hasn’t exactly had a proper meal the majority of the day from how busy he was with moving in. The nod he gives you makes you chuckle.

As you step inside his new place for the first time, you take a moment to gaze around at the barren walls and scattered boxes. Like any new, fresh canvas, the space holds so much potential and possibilities. If it’s home for Joshua, then it’s also… home for you too.

The two of you sit down cross-legged on the mattress while unpacking the bag of its contents. The aroma of takeout food travels through the air. You spread out the food between you, and Joshua seems to light up upon seeing the familiar, comforting dishes.

Sharing a meal together feels a bit different now. You don’t exactly know why, but there’s a subtle shift in the air you haven’t noticed until this very moment. There’s a sense of beginning, of making this place feel like home, and it’s oddly intimate. It's a blank slate waiting to be filled with new memories. New memories that you can’t wait to make with him.

Joshua feels a nudge at his knee while chewing on a sushi roll, seeing that you’re holding out your phone for him to read.

Can I show you something?

He swallows his bite of sushi and looks up at you with curiosity, taking a second to clear his mouth while giving a nod.

Shrugging off the nerves, you set your plate of food down to reach into the bag. You pull out a small canvas, and when you turn it over to show him, it shows a beautifully painted scene of a sunset casting over the horizon. The vibrant hues of yellow and orange blend seamlessly with soft blues and purples. Along with that, the silhouette of a couple sitting together𑁋with one leaning their head on the other’s shoulder𑁋under a tree completes the picture.

Joshua reaches out to touch the canvas, letting a fingertip caress over its coarse surface.

“This is beautiful,” he tells you. “Did you make this for me?”

You nod, and he watches closely as you type on your phone.

I wanted to give you your first piece of decoration for your new place

Joshua’s eyes soften as he reads your message, the warmth in his chest spreading to his entire body.

“It’s perfect, honey,” he says. “I’ll be sure to hang it somewhere special.”

In your eyes, you can already imagine it hung on the empty wall beside the window, where the morning light will cast a gentle glow on it and bring the colours to life. In your eyes, you can imagine your easel sitting right below it, with Joshua’s guitar propped right beside it…

“I should have the stuff to hang it in one of the boxes. I’m not sure which one though.” Joshua’s eyes flicker between the unopened boxes standing intimidatingly in the corner of the room, letting out a small, airy laugh. “But I’ll find it soon, I promise.”

You give him a warm, reassuring smile, as if conveying that there wasn’t any rush in finding it right now.

When you both finish eating and cleaning up, you find yourself sitting on the mattress, body turned so that you are staring out the window of Joshua’s apartment, reveling in the stillness of the summer night and the way moonlight filters on the wall. Your silhouette is quickly joined by another one as Joshua settles closely beside you, your shoulders brushing lightly.

At the corner of your eye, a glowing phone screen catches your attention, on it displayed a message from Joshua.

What are you thinking about?

The question almost seems silly somehow, yet you ponder for a few moments, before taking the phone to type back:

I made a big decision today

Joshua lifts up an intrigued brow, and he tilts his head inquisitively at you, the soft brown tones of his eyes glistening like honey. It makes you lose your train of thought briefly as your fingers drift clumsily across the screen.

I’m going to participate in the upcoming exhibition at the museum. I’ve been thinking of trying again for a while now

“You are?” Joshua’s eyes widen. “When is it going to be?”

“During fall,” You sign in response.

Fall isn’t that far away. The reminder seems to gnaw uneasily at your nerves, and Joshua notices it right away.

“Feeling nervous about it?” he asks.

You nod slowly, the weight of your decision settling heavily in your chest.

“It’s okay to be nervous. I know it didn’t go well last time,” Joshua continues. “But, well𑁋you already know what I’m going to say, right?”

Now, the nod you give is a bit more confident. You bring your hands up to sign, “I believe in you.” You wonder if it’s his favourite phrase, since he’s said it to you so many times before. It holds a special place in your quiet conversations.

“Exactly.” He wiggles a playful finger in front of your face, the moonlight makes his eyes twinkle with reassurance. “I believe in you. I’ve seen the way you pour your heart into your art. No matter what, you’re going to shine, love. And you have to believe in yourself too, okay? That’s the most important step.”

Joshua reaches over to grab your hand into his, squeezing firmly, before bringing it up to his lips to place a kiss right at your knuckles. You melt at that𑁋probably into the mattress at this point𑁋and hang your head down bashfully.

When the silence rolls over again, you lean your head on Joshua’s shoulder, your silhouettes intertwining together on the wall.

Maybe this is where you belong, after all.

There’s a quiet comfort you find in the palette of fall: the colours of leaves changing to warm oranges, reds, and yellows, the subtle crispness of the air that reminds you of the sweet taste of cinnamon rolls, and the way the sunlight feels a little softer on your skin.

You take a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to calm the racing thoughts in your head. This is it. The moment you’ve been dreading and anticipating for weeks. You toy anxiously with the sleeves of your cardigan as you walk into the museum, the grand hall stretching out before your eyes.

It’s all familiar just like last year𑁋the same setup, some familiar and new faces. More people are probably participating than last time since the art program has grown exponentially, and the thought fills you up with trepidation, if anything. Wheein is also here too engaging in the exhibition, Seungkwan was going to come later, and Joshua had already texted you that he's on his way after ending his performance at the busking centre early (though you insisted he didn’t have to… yet he did anyway) though you’re unsure when he’s going to arrive.

Along with the other artists in the room, you take a seat as you wait for the exhibition to finally begin. Then you feel a tap on your shoulder, and you perk up to see Wheein quickly engulfing you in a hug before pulling away.

“Jeez, there you are! You’re sitting like a wallflower and I couldn’t find you anywhere,” she rambles quickly that you don’t entirely catch what she’s saying, but you could tell she’s nervous too. She takes a visible breath, and brings her hands up. “How are you feeling? Heard there’s more competition this time.”

You offer her a small, reassuring smile. “Nervous, but excited. I feel more prepared.”

Wheein nods, her eyes lighting up at that. “Good. You've got this.” She glances around the room before turning back to you. “See you on the other side?”

“Definitely,” You assure her, feeling a surge of confidence flow through you.

Wheein squeezes your hand with a firm look one last time before moving off to find her own spot. A short while later, the exhibition officially begins with a long speech by the museum director once more. There’s still no sign of Joshua anywhere, but you tell yourself that you got this.

Ignoring your sweaty palms, you spot your artwork hanging on the wall. It feels like a small part of you is now on display. And for the first time, there’s a feeling of pride that wraps around you comfortably. You feel more prepared than last time; with the help of Wheein, you wrote down some written statements you could present to the critics and the visitors who come by if they ever ask about your piece.

A few minutes later, an interpreter approaches you𑁋one who isn't late this time, thankfully𑁋and you greet her with a friendly nod. She offers a kind smile to you, and you feel a bit more at ease, knowing that you’ll be able to communicate effectively with any critics and curators.

As people start to crowd around the extravagant hall, you find yourself observing their reactions from a distance. Some pause to study your piece closely while reading the written statements you prepared. Others seem to take in the scene with thoughtful silence and then move on to the next artist after you. However, before you know it, time seems to slip away fairly quickly, and you’re surrounded by a sea of curious faces willing to engage in discussions about your painting.

It’s a bit overwhelming having to explain and answer to so many people at once where you can feel their eyes practically boring into you, but you’ve rehearsed this part so many times that you feel yourself becoming more comfortable, more natural in the way you’re confiding in your work.

As much as art can be interpreted, reinterpreted, and misinterpreted, you know that in the end, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. Your work is supposed to continue conversations, not end them. And you hope that yours does just that.

After talking to a sweet-looking old couple, you take a moment to catch your breath. You can’t tell if the stars have possibly aligned for you or if it’s just the magic of the night that’s making everything feel so right.

Just as you're starting to relax a bit, a familiar, comforting sight at the corner of your eye captures your attention. And when you bring your head back up to welcome the next visitor, you find Joshua right in front of you, coming up with his arms behind his back and a playful look on his face. He’s dressed in a comfortable navy blue sweater and a pair of beige jeans, appearing effortlessly handsome and soft as always.

“Hello,” he greets warmly before stopping in front of you, letting his eyes trail past you in order to roam over the large painting that sat behind. So this is what you’ve been keeping a surprise all this time. “Your painting is beautiful. Can you tell me more about it?”

You blink in surprise at his sudden performance on being a visitor, biting back a smile creeping up your lips and the affectionate flutters bursting in your stomach.

Gesturing to the painting, you start to explain as your interpreter steps in to translate to Joshua. You start with the basics of your piece: the inspiration, the styles and techniques you used, and what you hoped to convey, and Joshua listens attentively, though he seems to be more focused on you than anything else. For some reason, him being the only one standing here is making you more nervous than the group of people you talked to earlier.

“I could see the passion you put into your piece,” Joshua says softly. “It’s admirable. It was the first thing that caught my eye when I walked in here and I could tell that there’s something truly special about it𑁋that there’s a lot of heart in it. So thank you for sharing this part of you to the world. You have a gift, honestly.”

You find every ounce of wanting to thank him shy away as a blush rises to your cheeks. Instead, you give a small nod, head hanging down as if the floor was the most interesting sight in the world, feeling overwhelmed by his words. If you look at him, you’d feel like you would melt into a puddle on the floor.

Joshua chuckles quietly at your reaction before giving you one last lingering look. You watch as his shoes walk out of your line of sight, his presence leaving behind a comforting feeling to settle in your chest, right by your heart. You feel like you can conquer the world right now.

When you finally bring your head back up, you don't spot him anywhere. For a moment, you scan the large room, looking for the familiar navy blue sweater, but you assume he’s already moved on to another part of the exhibition.

You let out a breath you hardly noticed you were holding until now.

As the evening winds down and time is getting closer to the dreaded announcement of results, the atmosphere in the museum starts to shift from the excitement of the exhibition to a more anticipatory hush as everyone returns back to their seats. The tremble in your hands returns back once more as you peer around anxiously, hoping to see some sight of a familiar face𑁋of Joshua, of your best friends, of anything.

Minutes later, Wheein and Seungkwan run up to you with wide, beaming grins. Joshua isn’t with them, though. Your shoulders deflate slightly.

“They’re about to announce the results!” Wheein exclaims, signing to you with more enthusiasm than you can ever have right now. “How do you feel?”

“I swear I saw so many people gathered at your painting earlier,” Seungkwan adds in. “That’s got to be a good sign, right?”

“Not all the time,” Wheein reassures him with a disappointed tone, but she keeps a light-hearted smile. “Usually it just means people were interested, but hey, it’s definitely a good sign! You should be proud of yourself, no matter what happens, Y/N, okay?”

You force a smile at that, trying to hide the nervousness that’s crawling up your spine. You're not sure if you're ready to hear the results, yet at the same time, there’s a pang of excitement that’s hard to not acknowledge too.

The museum director steps up to the podium once everyone scrambles to return to their seats. You shoot glances around the room, spotting familiar faces, some looking calm and composed, others nervously tapping their feet or fidgeting with their clothes. You can hardly catch up with the way your heart is racing like it's running on overdrive, but you attempt to readjust your focus to the director.

“Now, I would like to formally express congratulations to all who have claimed a place in this year’s annual exhibition. We had an outstanding number of participants and submissions this year. It was a very challenging time for the judges…”

The director’s voice is steady, yet each word that you watch leave his mouth seems to stretch on as your nerves make the second feel like minutes then to hours. Your palms have become clammy, and you grip your hands into tight fists, your nails digging into the skin of your palm.

“…the judges have taken into consideration to select the works that stood out in originality, technique, and emotional impact. And now, for the results…”

Your breath catches as the director begins to announce the winners slowly but surely, one by one, heartbeat thumping stronger with each one. The names come and go, each following with a few moments of applause erupting around the room that you echo along with as the artists hop onto the stage to retrieve their certification from the director. It’s like a momentary pause of time before the next.

The moments that pass feel as if a small weight is being lifted from your shoulders, only to be replaced by a heavier, more pressing sense of anticipation, of dread, of doubt. Déjà vu starts to seep into your thoughts as you bite at your bottom lip and bring your eyes down from the stage, feeling your chest tightening with hopelessness. There’s no point.

And it’s because you’ve become so attuned to your thoughts that you don’t notice the collective murmur of excitement that ripples through the crowd right before you. You pick up to clap your hands for the name was just called, only to be met with quite literally everyone’s faces on you. Nothing but confusion clouds your mind.

Are they… clapping for you?

The realisation hits you hard, and for a few long seconds, you’re caught between disbelief and elation. Your body feels absolutely frozen in place; everyone’s mouth is moving too fast for you to fully process; the world around you feels like it’s spinning. The moment seems to stretch into an endless void, and you can barely believe what’s happening. The crowd’s faces blur into a sea of smiles and congratulations… for you.

Your name𑁋your artwork𑁋had been recognised.

You nearly tumble on the way to the front at the way your legs feel numb underneath you, each step feeling as if you’re floating on air. Perhaps this is really just one, long, tortuous dream, but the way your trembling hands clutch the certificate as you receive it from the director feels startlingly real.

The director offers you a handshake and an acknowledging smile, but you hardly register it all in your mind. In those short moments, you take the opportunity to swiftly scan the room, catching sight of Wheein and Seungkwan clapping happily for you, and Joshua standing right next to them. He’s clapping along too𑁋is that a bouquet of flowers in his hands?𑁋with a warm, proud smile painted across his features. You consider it more important than any of the applause around the room; more important than the award itself, ironically.

You make your way back to your seat, the certificate feeling both heavy and light in your hands. Every congratulatory smile that the other artists send to you is like a burst of warmth against the cool autumn night.

As the last of the names are called, you find yourself drifting among the crowd, eyes in search of your friends. But it isn’t long for your body to be engulfed by the arms of Wheein and Seungkwan who have managed to squeeze their way through the crowd to find you, their faces glowing with uncontainable excitement.

“Y/N, you did it!” Wheein exclaims, her eyes glistening with joy as she shakes you by the shoulders. “I knew you could! I’m so proud of you!”

“I told you it was a good sign!” Seungkwan remarks to Wheein before facing you with a wide grin. “Shit, I’m about to cry again𑁋I’m so happy for you, Y/N!”

As their words sink in, an overwhelming bubble of triumph grows within you. A shaky laugh leaves you as they continue to shower you with their happiness, heat beginning to prick at the corners of your eyes from how much your heart feels so fully right now.

Wheein drags Seungkwan by the wrist to greet the other artists, and you’re left standing at the very side of the museum, gazing wandering around through all the faces within your vicinity. You don’t see any sign of Joshua anywhere. Did he get lost?

With that, you pull your phone out to text him, before your eyes widen in surprise at the way you missed a message from him sent five minutes ago. You were a bit too distracted by everything else that you didn’t feel the notification of his text.

[09:03PM | joshua hong] I’ll meet you outside ❤️

Without any hesitation, you slip your phone back into your pocket and make your way toward the exit of the museum, leaving behind the lively inside and into the peaceful night. The cool autumn air greets you with a refreshing embrace as you step outside, the sky painted with the soft hues of dusk.

Joshua isn’t standing that much farther away from you, spotting him waiting idly by the small gate at the entrance of the museum, a singular spotlight shining down on him from above. As you start to approach him, he seems to notice and turns his body toward you, a smile spreading across his lips.

“What are you doing out here?” You sign to him curiously.

Joshua’s lips form a thin line in thought, signing back expressively while answering, “Too noisy in there, and I thought you deserved some fresh air. Plus, I wanted to give you something.”

After that, he pulls out the bouquet of flowers from behind his back and extends it toward you with a sheepish look.

“I know you probably already saw them, but I couldn’t hide it any longer,” he tells you. “Congratulations, my love.”

The pleasant fragrance of the flowers float to your nostrils as you take them into your grasp. The flowers themselves are a perfect assortment of colours you find dear to your heart, like each one was personally handpicked for you. The thought and everything else has heat prickling at the corners of your eyes. It’s all too much and just enough at the same time.

Joshua grabs ahold of your hand, pulling you close to him so that one of your arms is wrapped around his waist. He places a small kiss on the top of your head before leaning down to look into your eyes.

“Look at you,” he coos softly, perhaps a pinch of tease behind his words you detect. “You’re glowing.”

You nearly laugh at that, coming out as a shaky and probably ugly snort instead that makes you bury your face into Joshua’s shoulder. Maybe you are glowing, maybe it’s just the spotlight hanging over, or maybe you’re just too happy to even care. You feel his chest lifting and receding from the laughs of his own as you cling to him. For a moment, everything else fades away𑁋the museum, the crowd, the nerves.

When you pull away slightly, he’s still looking at you, taking the chance to let a finger slowly caress the skin of your cheek. There’s stars in his eyes that you could pinpoint, ones that seem to shine brighter than even the largest of constellations. You feel like you could get lost in them, in him, and for a moment, you do. Your breath hitches in your throat.

A gentle breeze carries the scent of fallen leaves, the soft rustling of leaves surrounding the two of you. It's as if the world has paused, giving you a moment to simply be with each other.

You bring the arm that was around his waist back to your side. He still holds you by the hips as you bring a hand up to sign.

“I know that I can’t hear,” You start to sign slowly, his gaze flickering down to your hands curiously. “but I can feel your voice when you hold me.”

Joshua nods thoughtfully. He seems to contemplate something for a moment, before bringing his hands from your hips and up to sign.

“How does it make you feel?”

You purse your lips in thought, trying to find the right signs to express what you're feeling. It's hard to put into words, or even signs, the way you feel when you're with him.

“Safe… loved…” You draw your fingers graciously through the air, and Joshua’s eyes soften with affection as he watches. “...heard… understood…”

The words fly off your hands and swirl around like a planet orbiting its sun. As you peer into Joshua's eyes, you know he understands. He's always understood.

“I want…” You begin hesitantly, somewhat feeling silly at what you’re about to ask from him. “...to feel you say something to me.”

Joshua’s eyes widen slightly, and he tilts his head intriguingly, waiting patiently for you to continue.

You start with taking the fingertip of your hand touching your chin, before drawing it away in the form of a small arc. Next, you point to yourself, then you point towards him. Taking both arms, you cross your arms over your chest as if you were hugging yourself. And then finally, you point back at yourself.

“Tell me that you love me.”

A faint hint of a smirk crosses his features, before it softens into a simple look, a simple smile. Joshua just steps back forward and takes you back into his embrace, letting you press yourself against his chest. He wraps his arms around you, holding you close enough that you could possibly even feel his heartbeat. You love feeling that as well.

You swear that if there was one place you could stay in forever, it would be in his arms. And right now, it was only the beginning of something beautiful.

“I love you,” he tells you. For the first time, you don't read his lips to know he said it, yet you feel those three words resonate through your entire being and down to the very core of your heart, just where they belong.

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