#I must reiterate that I am very normal about them

[varpusvaras]

Bail/Breha/Fox - 35. A kiss against a wall

(hi hello yes hi I’m normal just thinking about this I swear it is in no way consuming my mind)

(hello hi yes hello to you too, I'm very normal about all of this as well)

Fox was very used to how high-society parties worked by now. 

He had spent three years of his life providing security for a variety of events, familiarising himself with all the different customs and proceedings that went with different occasions. Of course being the security was a different thing to being a guest, but luckily, Fox was a fast learner. He had quite literally been designed to be adaptive and good at memorising even the smallest of details. So, at the very least, social events had not been a problem for him while integrating to living as a civilian and a royal. On top of everything, he didn’t even have to be in armor anymore.

Still, Fox could admit that the night had been rather long, no matter how much more comfortable he was now. At least the more formal proceedings were out of the way now, and the free hours of the evening for mingling and talking with the other guests had started, but even that had been going on for a while now. 

At least there were drinks, and his wife and husband. 

Fox had spent the start of the night with Bail and Breha. It was pretty much customary, as Fox was a new addition to the family, and thus had to be paraded around a little, so he could meet and greet all the other important people. As the night went on, though, Fox had been more free to find his own company. 

It had been rather easy, and Fox had even found a kindred soul. A young new Princess of a Mid-Rim planet, who had just married the Crown Prince of the planet after the war had ended. She and her new husband came from very different circumstances, as she had grown up very poor on Ryloth, and had faced many hardships during the war and even before it. She and Fox came from similar enough situations that they very much understood each other, at least when it came to marrying someone who was much, much more important in the eyes of the Galaxy than you ever were. 

So, all in all, Fox’s night was going pretty good, even though he was getting kinda tired and a little…well, bored was not the right word, but close enough. 

He glanced towards Breha and Bail. They were talking with other people a small distance away. They looked stunning, as usual. The blue dress Breha was wearing seemed like it had a slight sparkle to it in the lights of the hall, and it made her eyes shine brightly as well. Bail’s suit made him look somehow even more broad from his shoulders than he already was, and the dress pants and boots of said suit made his legs also look somehow even longer than they already were, which was quite a lot. 

They had gotten Fox a new suit that went with theirs. They had actually gotten Fox a lot of new clothes, and Fox was very sure that they had enjoyed the whole process of getting them a whole lot more than Fox had, based on the very…intense reactions they seemed to get. 

Not that Fox didn’t enjoy it. Quite the opposite. 

Bail looked towards him, and caught his eye. There was a quick glint of something sharp in his gaze as he looked at Fox, something that made Fox’s skin instantly a bit warmer underneath his new suit. 

Fox watched as Bail leaned to say something to Breha’s ear. She glanced towards Fox as well. Her lips curled up into a smirk for a split second, and she whispered something back to Bail. Bail nodded, straightened up, and made his way towards Fox. 

They talked for a moment longer, Bail and the Princess exchanging some pleasantries. Bail was standing very close to Fox the whole time, his hand coming to rest against the small of Fox’s back. Fox could swear that he could feel the warmth of the touch through his suit. 

The Princess’s husband came along then, and very soon after, Bail bid them both farewell, and after Fox had managed to say his goodbyes as well, he was led away, through the hall and through one of the smaller archways and down a corridor. 

“Are we going somewhere?” Fox asked. 

“Just stepping out a little”, Bail answered. “We’ve been here before. I know a nice, calm spot.” 

Just then he pushed one door open to another hallway, where the sounds of the party only came as muffled. Fox opened his mouth and was just about to ask if there was a particular reason they wanted to step out for a moment, when Bail’s hand slip up and he grabbed Fox by the arm, his other hand coming up to Fox’s shoulder, and he turned Fox around and pushed him somehow both gently and firmly, until Fox’s back was against the wall of the corridor. 

Fox tilted his head up without Bail having to even ask, and Bail, reading him like an open manual, didn’t waste any more time, and dove down and pressed his lips against Fox’s. 

This wasn’t the first time they had kissed like this, tucked away to some corner or empty hallway, Fox pressed against the wall so Bail could shield him with his body. It had always been exhilarating, a mix of wonder and nerves coming together. 

Now he didn’t have to be nervous anymore, straining to hear if someone was coming. Now he could just enjoy it all to the fullest. 

Fox’s mouth was tingling slightly when Bail blacked away just a little. He was looking at Fox with an expression that was very clearly telling that he was wholly enjoying the view in front of him. 

“I must admit”, he murmured. “I do find this even more pleasant now, in these improved circumstances.” 

Fox snorted a little. 

“Improved circumstances, also known as being married?” He asked. 

Bail grinned slightly. 

“Exactly so”, he said, and then glanced to the side from the corner of his eye. “Your turn now, my love.” 

Fox looked to the side as well. Breha was standing there, watching them with a sharp grin of her own on her lips. Fox had not even noticed her there, though that was very much not his fault, as he had been decidedly occupied just now. 

“Thank you”, Breha said. Bail grabbed Fox’s arms again and pulled him away from the wall. There was a split second of confusion in Fox’s head, before Bail turned him around yet again and leaned now against the wall himself, pulling Fox to lean against his chest. His other arm dropped down and sneaked around Fox’s waist, keeping him very much in place. 

“Do you like the view?” He asked, his voice low, and it sent a shiver down Fox’s back, even though the question had been for Breha. Bail’s other hand came up, and he brushed his knuckles gently down Fox’s jawline. 

Breha stepped closer, lifting her own hand up to mirror Bail’s gesture, her hand finally coming to rest against the side of Fox’s face. Fox was sure that she could feel how hot his skin was under her touch, based on the way her grin sharpened more and her eyes lit up in clear delight. 

“I do”, she said, and pressed herself against Fox. She tilted Fox’s head down, and reached up, until Fox could feel her breath against his lips. “Very much so.” 

She closed the impossibly small gap and pressed her sweet, scorching lips to Fox’s, and Fox very, very much agreed with Bail about the improved circumstances.

[avelera]

So now that I'm caught up on Interview with the Vampire (as of ep 2.5) I want to say a few words about the appearance of Raglan James, aka the antagonist in "The Tale of the Body Thief".

First, and on the most basic level, I lost my fucking mind when he showed up. Body Thief is perhaps a controversial installment of the Vampire Chronicles but it's actually one of my favorites (and I could write essays on why).

Once I was done screaming in delight at his appearance, I went looking to see the reaction of other book fans and here I must admit I am puzzled.

Many book fans here seem to think that Raglan James isn't what he appears. That he's Marius, or David Talbot, or Aaron Lightner, or some other book character in disguise.

I vehemently disagree with this both for Watsonian (in-universe) and Doylist (out-of-universe, practical) reasons.

Raglan James is Raglan James, the Body Thief, and I'm going to reiterate this a few times in explaining why I hold this view.

Now, to get into why I think the show is just giving us pre-canon Raglan James right now, and not already playing with his body jumping abilities by having him be someone like Marius:

When introducing a character who is effectively a shapeshifter, in this case the Body Thief himself, Raglan James, you actually do need to show him in his "normal" state first because not everyone in the audience is familiar with his ability because of the books. You have to introduce and build up this ability gradually because it's a very confusing ability for a visual medium to have a different actor playing the same character (and if you don't believe me, go check out some other famous shapeshifter characters like Mystique or The Doctor and see how carefully the narrative introduces and builds up how their power works, almost always starting by showing them in a normal "original" state as a baseline).

Showing him for the first time in another guise would only create confusion. We need to know who he is on his own before we can begin to play with the narrative. At most, I think his current form might be the body of his first "jump" into the body of his fellow inmate, but even then, I think that's something you save for later, when you introduce the ability he has. I really think we're actually seeing early or pre-canon, real Raglan (the one who had cancer) right now in his first original body. Honestly, I wouldn't even be surprised if Raglan doesn't have the ability yet and is building up towards achieving it. I think right now, he's just a normal, scummy, kleptomaniac Talamasca member.

Is "Raglan" his real name? Perhaps not, the man is an infamous con artist. But I took Daniel's skepticism to be more in line with "You made up a silly sounding name because you're a drama queen and great believer in your own legend. Your real name is probably something normal like "Bob', Raglan," rather than an invitation by the audience to assume that Raglan is, for example, Marius or another vampire in disguise.

My sense is that we're setting up Raglan to be the post-Queen of the Damned antagonist, just like he was in the books. But in order to introduce him to best effect then, instead of a totally confusing appearance out of left field (like he is in the book, tbh), it's actually very clever to introduce him now, early on, as a Talamasca member (or recently kicked out of it) before introducing him as the Body Thief. They're making him a normal, known member of the cast before they toss him out there as one of the most bizarre antagonists of the entire book series.

Personally, I think that Raglan is being introduced now as our first introduction to the Talamasca. The Talamasca is a very questionable organization on many levels, we are often meant to distrust them or view them with the same distrust as the supernatural creatures do who encounter them, despite the fact they're actually mostly benevolent in the books so the suspicion supernatural characters view with them often feels a bit excessive. So it makes sense that our first introduction to it is with a somewhat shady character, in order to justify the book levels of suspicion vampires and witches feel towards the Talamasca, because the first one of their members we meet is a con artist and a villain, even if later ones are mostly good guys.

Basically, I think instead of just introducing Raglan out of the blue after he's jumped bodies a couple times. Instead, we're going "back in time" so to speak, showing the prologue of his backstory and intertwining it with the main story so it's not so shocking when he shows up later as an antagonist.

For my money, Raglan hasn't been kicked out of the Talamasca yet or he has very recently been kicked out and is now hunting down Daniel on his own in order to get closer to his real targets, powerful vampires like Lestat or Armand. He's going to be a regular for a bit, a shadowy figure at the edges, perhaps drop away for a bit during the events of Queen of the Damned, and then come back as the main antagonist, with all the familiarity we have with him, after those events as the new antagonist.

And as for Marius... along similar lines of, "you have to show how something works before you break it / you have to show who a character is before you disguise them with a shapeshifter's abilities" IMO, when we see Marius, we're going to see Marius. We're going to see Armand's master in his original form. We're probably going to see him the way we first do in Queen of the Damned, busy tending the shrine of Those Who Must Be Kept.

I don't, for my money, think we're going to deviate so much that Marius is going to show up (except in flashbacks) just because the characters are talking about him.

The whole point of Lestat becoming a rock star, the whole justification for it in Queen of the Damned and the Vampire Lestat was to draw out all the vampires in his life, vampires he's missed like Louis and Armand and Marius. The whole point was to bring them to him.

Having Marius just randomly pick up that Louis and Armand are talking about him and then show up smacks of television coincidence. But the show's narrative is too carefully crafted for that.

So, in my opinion, Marius will be held in reserve. We will only see him in flashbacks at first, probably not until Season 3 so they can cast his actor for the whole season (nice thing about Raglan James, since he is a shapeshifter/body thief you can always recast him later once his plotline kicks off). Marius will emerge for the same reasons he did in the books, because that lends weight to Lestat's otherwise batshit insane plan to become a rockstar, because it might be crazy but it works.

Marius has no need to appear in the body of a human before that. It makes no sense from a television angle (where it only causes confusion) or from a story angle, because he'd have no reason to show up in Armand's life now when he hasn't done so before except that we've first learned about him in the show.

Obviously I could be completely wrong! It would be amusing to eat my words and it has admittedly been a very long time since I read all the books (though I read them over and over back when I did). But these are my lengthy two cents on the matter.

[tiktaalic]

Why are you (and others) so convinced that Neil Gaiman must be lying when he implies that he and Terry Pratchett always intended Azicrow to be canon in the potential second Good Omens book? I'm new to this fandom so don't know the backstory, but Gaiman has been writing gay characters (and nonbinary angels) since the '90s, and Pratchett according to fans is an ally. I've seen a few receipts (about Gaiman not "getting" slash) from the early oughts, but the South Downs cottage endgame comes from a conversation G&P had about the sequel in 2005 (see the story here: https://. thegoodomensdumpster. tumblr.com/ post/621209875504054272/.. where-the-south-downs-thing-comes-from). He seems credible but did he say something since then?

I mean. Even in the excerpt you sent there’s this.

people have asked him about the south downs, and scenes in the book, and any time he's asked he takes the chance to reiterate that it's Not Canon. this has been the line for 30 years. this was the line a month! before the show aired. i think it's true that the planned sequel was aziraphale and crowley focused. this makes sense to me. they were on book covers, they were people's favorites. i dont think this means hes been planning a romance since the 90s. prior to the show, the stances neil gaiman had, had repeatedly on record, and never strayed from were:

+ it's fine if you like azcrow i want you to continue to have fun with it if you like it, but it's not canon, it is strictly 100% fanon.

+ the sequel is about aziraphale and crowley

+ i am not comfortable making a season two because it would involve creating new content that terry would not have input on.

after season one aired, the stances were:

+ i intended azcrow as a love story. i always have.

+ season 2 coming july 2023!

+ the new seasons that i'm writing were something i discussed with terry decades ago.

which is simply. not true. either he spent 30 years lying. because. ??? or he has spent the years after season 1 garnered a lot of praise for having gay people in it lying. because it makes him look good, and because s2 (and 3) will make money. one of these options makes sense. one of them doesnt. like.

this was one MONTH before the show. if he for real always since nineteen ninety meant azcrow was in a relationship. why would he. a month before his show. say DONT get it twisted it's NOT a love life.

i also dont think its worth anything to compare representation in gomens to his other works, bc his other works are very very different. gomens is solidly pg13 lighthearted romp. and - as someone who has read a lot of neil gaiman's work, and liked a lot of neil gaiman's work, most of it errs to the side of i'm SICK. i'm TWISTED. im FUCKED UP and WEIRD. and. to be clear. i am not calling him homophobic. i am not doubting that he legitimately cares about gay people in his life. but i do think. he like many other men. were like. you know what'll take this fucked up weird story from a 10 to a 100. if there were GAY MEN in it. and to be doubly clear. i am speaking primarily about american gods, which is what i remember with most clarity. which is fine. its a fine thing to do. representation win the guy who writes weird horror adjacent sex scenes wrote one about men. (this is a gross oversimplification of sex scenes in american gods).

and again i well and truly do not blame the man for being like. um. actually i dont want the characters i based on me and my buddy to be in love or have sex in my lighthearted pg 13 story. i think this is a very normal stance to have! i would never fault someone for this stance! it's just. the lying. the people who are ragging on him are primarily composed, from what i can tell, of book fans who followed him pre show. because he was exceedingly consistent about his opinions pre show. again. if you followed him at any point! before the show you would see his opinions iterated then reiterated. if you followed him a MONTH! 30 DAYS! before the show you would see his pre show opinions. because he's expressed the exact same opinion dozens of times since 1990. and they quite literally only changed once it came out and people started praising him.

[pkmnherpetology]

Oh, any interesting facts about Feralgatr or Skeledirge? I've raised a Totodile before, and have met people who work with Fuecoco, but have been curious about the best practice differences between the two, especially regarding thermoregulation (Raspberry, my Feralgatr had a full pool to cool off, but considering all i hear about Charmander and other Fire types' aversion to watering I admit I am... apprehensive about how one would best handle Fuecoco's thermoregulation situation). Keep up the good work!!

hello hello!! i'm very glad you enjoy the blog, and glad to have an ask that will force me to get off my ass and actually use this account.

so, not all fire types have an aversion to water. it should be reiterated that typing is largely a reflection of a species' habitat, behavior and ecological niche. for example, something like a furret is classified as a normal type because it's a generalist that can live in a broad variety of habitats.

fire types can share a broad range of characteristics- many fire types, such as the salandit line and turtonator, live in hot, arid environments. most are preyed upon by some combination of water, ground and rock types. they themselves may prey upon some combination of grass, bug, ice, and/or steel types. they also broadly experience higher degrees of resistance to high heat, and many have tough skin or specialized fur that makes them less likely to experience burn wounds.

i should also mention that, while the charmander line does have an aversion to water, they will not actually die if the flame on their tail goes out. it's not good for them, but they can recover from it.

anyway, that brings us to your question. the fuecoco line is a fire type line that does not, in fact, avoid water. they live in and near it quite often, as a matter of fact! this is (in part) because fuecoco is not, like most other reptile and amphibian mon, an ectotherm, at least not in the way we typically imagine. while their temperature is still more influenced by ambient temperatures than mammals or birds, their fire typing comes in part from their ability to somewhat maintain their internal body temperature using the same metabolic functions that allow them to produce fire. they share this trait with the charmander line, a true dragon species.

owing to this, the fuecoco line demonstrates an expected difference from the totodile line in the number of mitochondria in their cells. it is said that their greater number of powerhouses allows them to generate heat (and also fire) in a way that their more thoroughly cold-blooded relatives cannot. because of this, the fuecoco line also must eat a great deal more than other crocodilian pokémon, which can be troubling for trainers as skeledirge is not a small creature. this can also be slightly troubling for the pokémon themselves, since, as mentioned, the fuecoco line is still semi-aquatic and often finds itself taking on prey with a type advantage.

anyway, all of that is to say that the fuecoco line benefits immensely from having access to water, but does not need quite as much help with thermoregulation as the totodile line does. they do, however, need much more food than the totodile line.

[oh-stars]

love your work and everything you do, so excited for the month of march fics coming up !!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ a fic a day is incredible and idk how you do it honestly 🙏🙏🙏 does this mean that hold is on hiatus for now ?

Oh thank you!!!

It was so fun doing @steddielovemonth so I'm excited to tackle Stobin Month! I don't write enough fics about them and them alone so it's been fun so far.

Hold is on a temporary hiatus. I'm aiming to get the next chapter out in April. Right now, I have so much going on, but I start a new job next week so my writing time is cutting down drastically. So I'm not able to tap into the headspace I need to write hold.

I added an update to the authors note for the last chapter, but to reiterate here: I AM NOT giving up on this story!! It's a passion project for me, but since it doesn't have a timeline or any outside pressure other than wanting to get the next chapter to you all, it has to be the first to go. I need to focus on my posting challenge, my STRBB fics, and my exchange fic (and I have a few big bangs I plan on signing up for!!) so I'll be shifting gears a little.

If I wasn't at such a pivotal moment in hold, I think I'd be able to continue writing as normal. But I have an Eddie scene and an Eleven scene to write for the next chapter that are heavier, so I need to do them the right way and not just knock it out.

Thank you all for the support and understanding!!! I'm having so much fun and feeling really fulfilled with my current writing load, so the patience about the hold situation is very appreciated!! That being said... Here's a teaser (under the cut) for the next chapter to hold everyone over (no pun intended) until I can post it:

“Hey, hey,” Steve coos, coming to a halt at the edge of her crib. He picks her up without hesitation, sending a sharp pain up his left arm as he cuddles her close. It doesn’t matter, he could care less about his pain as long as she’s okay. “You’re okay,” he says, “Daddy’s got you.” 

“Steve!” Robin huffs as she comes up beside them. “You shouldn’t be picking her up.” Whatever look he gives her must tell her everything she needs to know. She sighs and runs a hand over Charlotte’s wild dark hair. “I can hand her to you so you don’t hurt your hand,” she says softly, “let me help.” 

He presses his lips to Charlotte’s head and sways in place, shushing her. Charlotte, not Robin of course. “I know,” he tells Robin then goes back to talking to Charlotte. “We woke you up before you were ready, huh? I’m sorry, sweetpea.” He adjusts his hold on her to check her diaper, nose wrinkling. “Sure you want to help?” he asks Robin. 

“I think I can handle a dirty diaper.” 

Charlotte’s cries have stopped, but there are big tears on her cheeks and her bottom lip is pouted out as she looks up at Steve. He’d do anything for that face. 

Steve has to look away, eyes going to the bare, white ceiling as the fury comes back to him all at once. He blinks his own tears out of his eyes, all of the emotions hitting him like a goddamn train. “She left her,” Steve breathes out. “She fucking left her, Rob.” 

“She was so blasé about it too,” Robin punches out, walking away. She’s opening the drawers to grab something, closing them with force but not slamming. 

“What’s that mean?” he asks, dropping another kiss to Charlotte’s head. He drifts over to the chair they stashed in here during the move, an extra from the set his mom gave him, and sits so Charlotte’s laying against his chest. The movement emphasizes the pain and settles his heart all at once, but Charlotte’s sniffles and little noises make it worth it. 

Robin takes a moment, putting together the outfit for Charlotte. “Does she not have any dresses?” 

Steve’s brow furrows as he thinks about it. “I think she’s grown out of a few. I don’t know.” 

“I’m all for giving the bird to gender stereotypes and letting her wear boy clothes,” Robin says as she holds up the basketball onesie that doesn’t fit Charlotte anymore but Steve can’t part with, “but I don’t see any onesies with snaps that fit her and pants are going to be a nightmare for the foreseeable future.” 

Shit. 

Steve groans and adjusts Charlotte so her cast is more comfortable against him. “I didn’t even think about that.” 

“When would you have had the time?” Robin asks, closing the drawer. She’s out of the room before Steve can answer her.

[jeonghoneyss]

HONEY WIP GAME!!!

tell me about junhao single parent magic, jay ibn jafar and hyunho catboys get along shirt pls!

VHAS IN MY INBOX HELLO BELOVED

junhao single parent magic... ough, my beloved. i really just threw the keywords around when titling the doc haha. it's about junhui and minghao, who are sort of harpy things. they've got a little place together, in the woods - but junhui is not built for settling down. he leaves, and travels, and comes back, and leaves again, and it's straining minghao, it really is. then one day he comes across an abandoned child (seungkwan) and takes him in... and then junhui comes back. and he stays. and minghao has to grapple with the fact that junhui stayed for this random child, but not for him. and they also have lots of cute moments, both together and with seungkwan.

unfortunately i do not have any snippets for this, just snatches of a feverish discord discussion haha.

jay ibn jafar is a descendants wip! it follows jay, who is part genie in this one, and how he discovers that once he's off the isle and in auradon. this one is jaylos as well. harry hook is there, too, and he's absolutely insufferable.

here is a snippet - i am aware it is slightly badly melodramatic, but all my descendants writing is, honestly.

Another pitiful treasure – well, he’s not a treasure, just a boy, but the emotion that Jay feels when he watches Cruella de Vil’s boy get pushed around is very much like pity, in that he doesn’t like it, and so the boy must be close to a pitiful treasure, right? And a treasure is a treasure, and a treasure must be protected, and so Jay squares his shoulders and reminds himself that he has to be brave, and he marches over there and he comes back with Cruella de Vil’s boy hanging off his arm. The poor thing’s shaking, and his huge eyes are wide and wet, and Jay kind of wants to scrounge a blanket to wrap around his shoulders, and he really is a pitiful treasure.

and finally, hyunho catboys get along shirt! another one that is what it says on the tin. hyunho are very feral catboys, and they get magically stuck together (jisung does it as a joke, and then the universe decides that no, actually, this is really good, they need to learn to get along) and have to deal with that. it's going to be non-linear, once i figure that out, going back to when they were young and still friends, and then to what happened that made them how they are today.

you've already seen the. hairball scene. so let me give you the deleted opening that i didn't like.

Minho’s not one for dramatics. He’d like to say he’s one of the least likely amongst his group of friends to burst into loud, limb-flailing dramatics at the drop of the hat (not like Hwang Hyunjin, more of a friend-in-law than a friend, who lives for the chance to turn every moment of his day into some sort of theatrical production in as obtrusive and noisy a fashion as possible). To reiterate: Minho’s never been one for dramatics. He’s always been one of the most level-headed people he knows, not prone to over-the-top reactions at all. It’s very important to Minho that this is known, and he would like to make it clear that he is not being dramatic when he says that he’s having the worst day ever. ‘You are being dramatic,’ Jisung says, bored. In a completely reasonable way, Minho feels that it ought to be known that Jisung is the worst best friend ever. ‘I’m being so mature right now,’ he hisses. His claws flex, and Minho takes a deep breath, scrabbling for some composure (more than his normal amount, because he’s very relaxed right now, thank you very much). ‘You’re lucky I can’t reach you right now, Han Jisung.’ Jisung takes a step back. The sparks from the spell are still hanging around him, bright and golden and highlighting exactly where Minho would scratch him if he wasn’t otherwise occupied. Jisung, probably revelling in this knowledge, says, ‘This is probably the least mature you’ve ever been, Minho.’ Then, with a very annoying smug look on his face, he continues, ‘You’ve always been dramatic about Hyunjin, anyway.’ Minho splutters. That’s just not true. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ he spits. ‘Stop making things up. As if I’d ever be dramatic about— about someone like—’ ‘Someone like what?’ the thing that is occupying Minho screeches. Hwang Hyunjin, in all his attention-capturing, room-filling glory. Hwang Hyunjin, the actual bane of Minho’s existence. Hwang Hyunjin, stuck to Minho like a burr. Alright. This might be a little confusing, so let’s go through it again. The worst day Minho’s ever had, from the top.

[mango-fizz]

hi do you have a link to that post of the the marie reader late night radio talk show interview thingy you wrote i need to dunk my brain in good writing

tumblr search fucking sucks so here just have it, again akfhdkbsbd

As you sit there, listening to Marie introduce you as a guest on her podcast, you can't help but wonder: How did you land this opportunity!? Seriously, holy shit! That's Marie, from the Squid Sisters, right in front of you!

You do your best to make it seem like you're listening and responding like a normal person and totally not losing your mind. 

Really, you should be used to this by now. As a model for popular clothing brands, you've been on countless talk shows, interviews, and events, meeting tons of celebrities and important people in the industry.

But none of them were Marie.

To reiterate, Marie from the Squid Sisters!!

"I'm so glad you found time to come on the show tonight. I'm sure you must be very busy," you hear her say, reminding you that this is very much real. 

"Not at all, I-I must thank you for the opportunity to talk with you, um, on the podcast." You try to make the waver in your voice less obvious. 

Marie chuckles, and even if it was a performative one your hearts still hammer out of your chest. You smile involuntarily. How embarrassing.

She moves on to standard interview questions, many you've already been asked before, but you answer again with twice the enthusiasm, as if it was the first time anyone in the world had ever questioned such a thing.

She flips her flashcards with such elegance, your eyes are drawn to her hands. Every movement she does is filled with grace. Adjusting her mic, tucking her tentacles around her headset, sipping her drink through the straw…

You blush. Okay, seriously, stop it. Pay attention. You have to be professional about this. You clasp your hands together in an attempt to appear serious and in focus, but it's really to conceal how sweaty your palms are.

Marie smirks. "So, I heard you're a big fan of the Squid Sisters?" 

You feel like you might go into cardiac arrest. She found out about that? You hadn't exactly been secretive about it, you suppose. But if she didn't notice the flush in your face before, she must certainly notice now. You clear your throat.

"W-well, yes, actually. I am." You try so hard to not think about the way her eyes light up at your answer. "It's actually because of you that I decided to become a brand model."

"Oh?" she says, and you dread having to say the next words in front of her, or at all, and you briefly wish that someone would splat you right then and there. But she's looking at you with that glint in her eye that you've seen a million times on TV, and you think you could kiss her right now if she asked. 

"When I saw you on stage, or on the news, I was captivated. You shone with such beauty and charisma, and I was just instantly a fan. I thought, if I could be dazzling like you one day, I would be overjoyed."

You realize how cheesy and embarrassing that all sounded. You think you might faint if you weren't already sitting down. You take a sip of your water to distract you from the impending consequences of embarrassing yourself in front of your favorite idol.

"That's… quite the praise. I don't know what to say."

You work up the courage to glance up at her and she… she's blushing!? She's gotta be trying to kill you. Her smile is blinding. You think you might die.

"I feel honored, thank you," she continues, and when she says your name you feel your chest burst with joy. You could die right now and be sure you've lived a happy life. 

You remember you're supposed to act normal. You wrap your hands around your cup to hide their trembling.

"You're very welcome. You and Callie deserve only the highest praise." Yes! That seems normal enough. Good response.

"Do you have a favorite song, if you don't mind me asking?"

And there it is. You duck your head slightly as you mumble, "...Tide Goes Out."

She smiles again.

At this point you think to yourself that there's no way your disastrous crush on Marie hasn't been made blatantly obvious. With your constant praising and blushing every time Marie so much as breathed, you think you probably look a bit ridiculous. Good thing this show is a podcast and people can't see you. 

But Marie can see you. Very well, in fact, seeing as she's right across from you and the table is fairly small, and she's looking at you in such a way that feels like you're being read like an open book and you cannot attempt to hide a single thing from her even if you wanted to. 

"I'm flattered. Don't worry, I won't tell Cal," she says. There's a slight tease to her voice that has you weak. 

You laugh nervously, and it's the lamest response you could have given, but how else would you respond? Is this even real life anymore? You feel bad for the poor asshole that's gonna listen to this podcast ep later next week and die of cringe. 

The rest of the interview is a blur as you do your best to answer the questions as casually as possible. Eventually you find yourself nearing some semblance of relaxation. Marie's dry commentary is entertaining, making you laugh and join her for some witty back and forth. One of your jokes even manages to make her laugh earnestly (the sound made you smile so wide your cheeks hurt.) All of your interactions made you remember why you fell for her in the first place. She truly is just… amazing.

Turns out the poor listener next week will get a decent podcast episode out of this after all.

"Well, I think it's about time to wrap this up," she says. You sigh in equal parts relief and disappointment. Ending the podcast means saying goodbye to Marie. 

She goes through her usual goodbye script (you have it memorized by heart) and turns off the recording. 

"You okay? You seemed kinda nervous there. I'd have thought you'd be more used to interviews," there’s that teasing lilt again, and you can't decide if you're happy she's concerned about you or if you feel mortified. You scramble for some form of explanation.

"Y-yeah, sorry! It's fine. It's just, you're… amazing, Marie," you say, and you briefly worry if you're being too forward. Marie snorts (cute), before waving you off nonchalantly.

"Thanks, but I'm not anything special, really."

"Well, sure you are. I mean, you won the Splatfest, didn't you?"

Marie clears her throat. "I think that hardly matters."

[anonymousewrites]

Adolescent Antichrist (Book 2) Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen: I'd Rather Play Frankenstein

            “I must apologize,” said Lucifer from where he was still laying on the couch with (Y/N).

            “No need,” murmured (Y/N), comfortable in his embrace. “I might think you’re overreacting, but you’re allowed to wonder how involved God is with your life.”

            Lucifer sighed. “I am the adult. You should not be supporting me.”

            (Y/N) rolled their eyes. “We support each other, Lucifer. We’re a team.” They looked up at him. “How about you talk to the Detective?”

            Lucifer frowned. “What?”

            (Y/N) shrugged. “It’s not like God is mind controlling her. Try talking to her and seeing how she feels about you.”

            “That’s…a fair idea,” admitted Lucifer.

            “’Course it is,” said (Y/N), rolling their eyes. “I’ll come with you. Moral support and all that.” They gave a pointed look at Lucifer. “And so you don’t misconstrue anything or run away.”

            Lucifer sighed. “You think so little of me.”

l

            “Detective?” called Lucifer from outside Chloe’s house. He knocked again. “Detective?” (Y/N) fiddled with the rips in their jeans as they waited for Chloe to answer. Lucifer frowned. “The Detective is never so late. She insists on being prompt to every occasion.”

            “Maybe she’s in the bathroom—” (Y/N) stopped when they heard a crash from within. “That can’t be good.”

            Lucifer didn’t hesitate in kicking in the door. The pair rushed to the bathroom and pulled the door open. Chloe, blood dripping from her nose and looking unnaturally pale, lay haphazardly across the floor with a shattered glass of water next to her (the source of the noise).

            “Is she…?” (Y/N) swallowed, panic rising to clench their throat shut. Air was harder to find, and they ducked out of the bathroom as Lucifer examined Chloe for a pulse.

            “She’s alive,” confirmed Lucifer, pulling out his phone. “But she’s been poisoned.” As he dialed for an ambulance, he cursed. “Why did we have to kill that man…He’s behind this, and we don’t know what the cure is!”

            (Y/N)’s heart clenched as they forced themself to take deep breaths. Chloe could die!

l

            “Lucifer, this is a really dangerous idea,” said (Y/N). Normally, they’d be snarky, but now they were split between worry for Lucifer’s safety and for Chloe’s wellbeing.

            “The plan is simply,” reiterated Lucifer. “Maze, Amenadiel, or Mum kills me, I go down to Hell, interrogate the professor, get the formula, and then you all bring me back. Well, come on, who’s in?”

            “This is a terrible idea. I absolutely forbid it,” said Missy.

            Maze nodded. “I hate to say it, but yeah, she’s right.”

            “You’d be on your own,” murmured (Y/N) worriedly. Their knee bounced furiously in anxiety. Emeranne put a hand on their shoulder and squeezed reassuringly.

            “Neither Maze nor I would be able to go with you as protection,” added Emeranne.

            “(Y/N) made it, and they’re mortal,” pointed out Lucifer.

            “That’s because Father brought them back,” said Amenadiel.

            “And they didn’t go through any doors,” said Emeranne. “If you went into someone’s room, you could be trapped. Forever.”

            “Well, that won’t happen, I’m the Lord of Hell,” said Lucifer confidently.

            “Were the Lord of Hell,” corrected Missy. “And you’ve been gone for a very long time.”

            “Lucifer…” (Y/N) spoke up again. “I want to save Chloe. I just don’t want to lose you, too.”

            Lucifer put his hands on his hips and looked to the side. “What do you think?”

            Poor Linda coughed uncomfortably. “I think…that I followed about half of that. (Y/N)’s been to Hell?”

            (Y/N) waved a hand. “Yeah, when my uncle almost killed me.”

            Amenadiel winced, reminded that he let (Uncle’s/N) out of prison. “Yes…Our Father brought them back.”

            “Which then brought that lady back,” muttered Maze, gesturing at Missy. “Who then caused literally every problem since.”

            “Right…” said Linda, unsure. “So…do you guys do this a lot? Like, celestial plus (Y/N) planning sessions?”

            Emeranne glanced at (Y/N), obviously thinking of how they seemed less human due to their abilities, to which (Y/N) responded with a look that said “this is not the time, say anything and I find a way kill you with my bare hands.”

            She got the messaged.

            “Oh, apparently not. Otherwise, we would have had a meeting about carelessly revealing our true nature to humans,” said Amenadiel, glaring at Lucifer. He then looked at Linda. “Which she has apparently known about for a while and kept from me.”

            “Turnabout’s fair play,” retorted Linda, and (Y/N) and Emeranne snickered. “Okay…wrapping my brain around this. Lucifer, what makes you so sure you’d go to Hell?”

            “In case you’ve missed it, Doctor, I’ve been banned from Heaven,” said Lucifer. “There’s no other place for me to go.”

            Not to mention, he feels guilty about things he’s done and not done. That would send him to Hell, thought (Y/N).

            “And you’re sure there’s no other way to get there?” asked Linda. “I mean—I mean, dying?”

            “Well, if anyone has a better suggestion, by all means, speak up now,” said Lucifer. “Quite frankly, I’d prefer to Uber there.” He looked at everyone. “Look, I’m doing this with or without you.”

            “Well, I’m sorry,” said Missy. “Having spent millennia in that terrible place, I can’t be part of you going back. Not even more a moment.” She stood and walked to the elevator. “Amenadiel?” She clearly thought Amenadiel would follow her example. “Are you coming?”

            Amenadiel sighed. “No, Mom, I’m gonna help. Chloe doesn’t deserve this.”

            Maze rolled her eyes. “This is the craziest plan I’ve ever heard of. I’m in.”

            “I’m with you, Lucifer. Chloe needs help,” said (Y/N).

            Emeranne nodded. “We’ll help.”

            Missy scoffed. “Doctor, surely you have some sensible advice.”

            “Um, he’s the Devil,” said Linda. “Nothing’s really been sensible since I found that out.”

            “I will not help you get trapped down there,” said Missy, crossing her arms. Her obstinacy was strong, but it came from a place of worry for her son, so no one could blame her for anything except for not being concerned for Chloe like the rest. “Not for some insignificant human’s life.” Missy turned on her heel and left the penthouse.

            “Okay, now that party pooper’s gone, let’s get started, shall we?” said Lucifer, clapping his hands together.

            Linda cleared her throat and raised a hand. “So, um, what’s my part in all this?”

            “Well, you went to medical school, correct?” asked Lucifer brightly.

            “Many…many, many, many years ago,” said Linda.

            “Good. So you’ll be the one bringing me back from the dead,” said Lucifer. He smiled. “Now, who wants to kill me?” Both Amenadiel and Maze raised their hands.

            “I’d rather play Frankenstein, but Linda gets to do that,” said (Y/N), sighing.

l

            “Well, I see everyone made it,” said Lucifer as (Y/N) and Emeranne walked into the room they had commandeered for their plan. Lucifer was lying in bed, and Maze was hyping Linda up for her job of literally bringing Lucifer back to life.

            “Em and I had to play the whole ‘my poor old grandmother is sick, and we want to cheer her up’ card, but we got here eventually,” said (Y/N).

            “Watch out, Lucifer, they’re getting really good at lying,” said Emeranne.

            “Alright, alright, let’s get this show on the road,” said Maze, rubbing her hands together in anticipation of getting to kill him.

            “Okay.” Linda took a deep breath and unpacked a small medical bag. “Ice to slow your brain cells from dying, and painkillers to, well, kill the pain.”

            “Got it covered, thanks,” said Lucifer, taking a swig from his flask.

            “Okay, Maze, just like I showed you,” instructed Linda.

            (Y/N) hovered nervously by Lucifer’s side, and before Maze, well, killed him, Lucifer reached out and squeezed their hand.

            “Don’t worry, I’ll be back soon,” said Lucifer with a grin.

            Then, he let go, and Maze used the defibrators to send him straight to Hell with a bang! Emeranne stayed close to (Y/N) as they nervously rocked back and forth. They snapped their fingers quietly in an attempt to have a pattern that may lessen their anxiety.

            Lucifer. Please stay safe. Please. I need you to come back. Find the professor and then come right home.

l

            Of course, life could never be so simple for them. Lucifer acquired the formula from the professor easily, but Hell was a trap even the Devil when he was not Lord. Lucifer was drawn in the by Hell’s tricks and captured in his own room. His guilt for killing Uriel was as strong as any human’s guilt which kept them in Hell.

            On Earth, all the group could see was that Lucifer was not waking up, and that worried them, (Y/N) most of all.

            “Come on,” hissed (Y/N). “Come on, come on, come on.” They clenched a fist and squeezed their eyes shut, trying to ignore the constant flatline sound echoing around them. Come on, come on. Come home, Lucifer!

            Below, Lucifer was desperately trying to keep from stabbing Uriel for what already felt like the millionth time.

            “I don’t want this!” he cried.

            “Look at you,” said Uriel, sighing. “So pitiful. Stuck in the very Hell you once ruled. Trapped by your own guilt. And while we’re pointing out how lame you are, you didn’t even follow up on that thing I told you.” Lucifer looked at him in confusion. “What I whispered in your ear before I died.”

            “What?” Lucifer frowned. “ ‘The peace is here?’ I thought that was just nonsense. The final ramblings of a dying brain. Unless you’re saying you found peace in that moment, brother.”

            Uriel sighed. “You know better than that. I’m all about patterns, predicting the future. My last words were a clue.”

            “A clue? A clue to what?” pleaded Lucifer.

            “Well, you’re the one who has to figure that out, aren’t you? After all, I’m just in your head. A manifestation of your guilt.”

            And then the loop was starting again. Lucifer had a knife again. He was stabbing Uriel again. Uriel was dying again.

            “I hope you didn’t leave any unfinished business up on Earth,” said Uriel. “’Cause you’re never getting out of here.”

            Lucifer’s eyes widened. (Y/N). A headache came on suddenly. He could hear voices, Linda? Maze? But the clearest was (Y/N)’s, telling him to wake up. Behind him, shadows wrapped around the edges of his clothing, pulling him away from Uriel. Lucifer thought nothing of it, feeling only that Hell was messing with his mind again.

            “Lucifer!” called (Y/N)’s voice.

            Lucifer took a decision step back to the door of his cell. “I’m sorry, Uriel. But my…care for them, that child, is stronger than my guilt. You are my brother, and I will always love you, but I cannot leave them there.”

            Lucifer summoned his strength and released himself from his cage.

l

            Lucifer gasped as finally, his heart began to beat again. (Y/N), exhausted from their nerves and their subconscious use of their abilities, stood from where Emeranne was supporting them. They rushed to Lucifer’s side and hugged him tightly. Lucifer wordlessly passed the note with the formula to Linda and Maze to handle as he hugged (Y/N) back.

            “Don’t do that again!” muttered (Y/N).

            “I would never choose to leave you,” assured Lucifer. “I swear it. And I do not lie.”

Taglist:

@repostingmyfavs

@sammyscreencaps-13

@grippleback-galaxy-galaxy

[secretly-sapphic-confessions]

I have been needing to get this off my chest so Im so happy I found this blog (I have been looking for a wlw confession blog for a long time so I must thank you!) TW: HOMOPHOBIA, CURSING (only a little bit) As someone who Is a closeted lesbian in a homophobic family, I have to hear phrases like "Lesbians are disgusting animals!" or "LGBTQ+ is a sin!" or "These people are pathetic and sad and have no value in life!" every day. It always makes me wonder... what would happen when I come out (if I ever actually.) Would they stop these comments, would they treat me as a human, would they apologize? Or would they do the complete opposite. Will they treat me like the "disgusting animal" that I'm said to be? Will they kick me out? Will the day that I come out also be the day my life is ended? Its so fucking hard. My own family unknowingly call me the most disgusting things. I have to hear everyday that "I'm not normal." and how I am a "Sad pathetic person who has no value." Why am I like this? Why me? I hate being a lesbian, I wish I could like men but I just cant. Its getting way to hard to handle, sitting with my mom at night, wondering "How quick would my life change if I said the 5 words, "Mom, I am a lesbian."

My dear Anon, I’d like to begin with thanking you for your ask! It takes a lot to speak up about your problems, even anonymously, so thank you for trusting me with this! <3 (And I’m so glad you found the blog too! I was looking for one too and couldn’t find one so I’ll just do it myself, I’m here to serve)

I’m very sure I don’t have to tell you that those are harrowing things to hear full-stop, never-mind frequently. And Anon, i assure you that you are absolutely none of them! Never ever! Being part of the rainbow gang can be messy, overly idealised and just downright exhausting, but all through your journey you will never be an example to fit next to their false beliefs. Remember, what they say comes from a place of ignorance and centuries of corruption, it’s neither their fault nor yours, but that doesn’t make it anywhere near okay for you to be exposed to. Keep affirming yourself, you are strong, so so brave and beautiful!

As for you wondering about coming out, sometimes you can never know what the outcome will be until you do, but I will say this-

You may have heard this advice before, but I will always reiterate it as many times as possible to keep my kin safe:

never come out in a potentially hostile environment against your better judgement until you can sustain yourself, or have someone to fall back onto in the worst case scenario. (I must especially stress this if you’re young and still dependent on family for essentials/getting to a stable future). It’s absolutely crushing to think that some of us still have to hide ourselves, especially to the ones that are meant to love us most, and for that I apologise to you endlessly for your struggling, you don’t deserve this anon and it’s not okay. absolutely none of this is your fault. We’re here for you. However, if that wondering does get to you and you feel that you would be safe with your family post coming out, I would say go for it, if it’s something you want to do! (always remember you owe coming out to nobody, though! I personally never came out to my parents lmao, I just brought my then girlfriend home and they didn’t say anything, but I’m lucky that they were accepting.) I also have a few friends where their families who have been previously been horribly homophobic have changed their tune considerably after learning their child/relation is LGBT+! Sometimes homophobia does just come from a place of misinformation and normalisation, so it’s good to give them a chance to do better, nothing is set in stone when you’re willing to learn! And at the end of the day, they should always love you for you first, even if they don’t agree with the way you choose to live your life.

Unfortunately I’m someone who has also gone through hating my sexuality, so trust me, I know how it feels. But I’m primarily here to tell you that you can come out the other side of it! It may take time, and it’s going to be hard, especially around people who think differently, but being a lesbian is BEAUTIFUL! You are absolutely STUNNING anon! For just being you! And I say that with the backing of my whole heart! God choose you to be gay because you’re one of his favourite designs, you’re too good for men, trust me! ^_−☆

I sincerely hope that you’re doing okay, and that this resonates with you even a little. This isn’t just your weight to carry! My asks, submissions and even DMs (if they work) are always open for you if you’re in need (or even if you’re not, don’t be shy!) I hope my blog can come to be a safe space for you and many other likeminded individuals. (I promise there will be more content soon haha, Its a lot to work on as a new blog)

Always remember there’s a whole community behind you, and an even more loving and devoted sub-community of Wlw and Sapphics who have gone through similar things, and we’re always here to support you!

My best wishes for you going forward, I know you’ve got this!!

it will get better

~ sappho

[mandy4ever69420]

4.12

debbie is still so my world. first of all im crazy about her little personality. second of all her decision to use a pizza delivery driver she knew as transportation when needed is very clever and funny. still sad though. matty death manifestation chant starts at 8:30 thirdly i really enjoyed how her worrying about visiting fiona and getting mad at lip for being hesitant ties into how mad she was at fiona in the start of the season for not looking for ian.

enjoyed hearing the exact moment the person im watching with realized ian was bipolar. oh fuck is right

debbie and carl played it so cool checking in on ian but later totally losing their minds when fiona gets home to ask her for help was very good. debbie especially did a very nice job holding it in "yeah, we know what this is"->oh my god fiona is here she needs to come. well placed so that you dont really think about how flatly scary it is to be 13 and realize your brothers all fucked up until she finally lets go

fiona's joy at coming home and being hugged was sweet. and then also the way she didn't lose that moment entirely but when she realized that debbie and carl were also so clingy because something was wrong

i liked that scene were lip gets briefly overcome at amanda's terrifying weird thing bc she's pretty and nice and she likes him and then he's moved by the kiss until all the other sorority girls start celebrating and he realizes (incorrectly) it was just to show off. amanda being normal amount of guarded about her feelings pre-sabotaging her later for when she tries to actually clarify because lip already felt a little spark of hope and then snuffed it before.

lip and fiona talking about ian being bipolar had another good foreshadowing. fiona to lip: is alcoholism genetic? VS lip ggiving fiona a hard time talking about AA.

it is with a heavy heart i must announce that sammi is still a likable person pre s5 when they decided she was going to be a villainous character. and then having having the tell me you fucking neeed me / snitch meltdown of s5.

anyone whos ever needed pain medication from a doctor recognizes the way that the surgeon talks to frank. i feel like this is a pretty good example case for 'the addicts that youre so scared of deserve to have their pain treated too'

joan cusack is still fantastic even if her character is evil. when she is denied adoption and not really offered an explanation her response made pretty clear the feeling that she really thought she'd have an "in" with a "community" if she just became a mother to their children and realizes that she's still an outsider when no one will translate for her. that's very sad. fuck you though. also interesting howwww obvious it is that sheila was the bad guy in arguments w sammi while frank was hospitalized here

much to consider about how arguably the most longterm harmful thing in terms of life impact that frank does to his kids (consistently encouraging them to drink) is also the thing he does when he's trying his hardest to be sweet and connect. like he's a terrible asshole but when he's having a gentle little moment of reflection with carl and offers carl a drink and carl says no and frank says no come on. that was an olive branch and also the worst way to behave

i reiterate how stupid it iswhen people complain about shameless side characters being 'forgotten' when they are written off in a clear and very very sad type of way that just means they left. i am referring to bonnie becoming terrified she's going to fuck carl up and taking her whole family and evacuating the area permanently. Side note also anne gonzalez.

mickey is so fucking awesome. but you knew this

it's nice svetlana has switched gears into being conciliatory but i still don't agree with "no more bullshit with baby" ideologically. like it's not like she has a better choice i don't take issue with her specifically but i've seen how peoples media comprehension is and i worry people think this is an "epic win" of some sort. it is not her fault but god help me. absolutely it was killing me to see mickey's distaste for a baby but we need to understand he doesn't actually have to be a parent. again svetlana did not have better options as far as she was concerned this was the horse she had had her cart hitched to

[papercherries]

My Last Partner.

I can't stop thinking about my last partner. We "broke up" months ago, but I can't stop thinking about them. It makes me quite upset but I don't know why? I understand that it's over and I am over it, but they still haunt my mind. A spectre of a love that could have been. Maybe it was because it was the first time I'd been broken up with, all my previous partners I'd done the breaking. Maybe it was because of how brutally they broke up with me. I knew it wouldn't work out from the beginning. Sometimes you can just feel it in your soul, a tokyo story styled looming feeling of death. I told myself, over and over. Don't trust this, don't fall in and then I'd immediately continue to smile with glee. If I were a blind fool I'd feel less bad about it, but I was fully aware it was coming. Especially the second time. They had "broke up" with me once before, they weren't "feeling it". They proclaimed that "I think I want to be with you but I'm not sure" or something along those lines. I understood the feeling, they weren't describing the feeling of apathy, just a general feeling that their feelings weren't pointing toward where we were headed.

So we "broke up". They always had the dignity to do it in person, I have not always been so brave. But I left and went home, I was upset for a while, drank myself into a pit but it was nothing I hadn't done before. I had started to move on. They then made a mistake, a very drunken one. They had called me whilst they were on a night out (ironically how this all started, but that's a happier story for another day). If I remember correctly, it was so they could be on the phone whilst they walked home. I had no ill feelings toward them so I obliged. We then ended up talking for the next couple hours, sweet nothings. Just stuff I think they wanted to hear and they wanted to tell me, about how much they liked me and how much they missed me. It was clawing at the parts where my heart used to be (that must be the most emo thing I've ever put to page). I told them the same, as it were true. They asked me to stay on the phone with them as they fell asleep. They apologised in the morning and reiterated what they had stated during the "break up". I went on moving on. However I wasn't allowed.

They kept calling and eventually, I would call them on my drunken nights. It created this awful cycle where we could only speak with one another whilst out of our minds. Regrettably, one night, I told them I loved them. I think I did but telling them that must've been torture. They then would ask me if I remembered what I had said, though they didn't specify what night and they wouldn't tell me what I had said. I didn't think too much of what I had said that night and so I half forgot about it. So I had to tell them I didn't remember. Eventually, we started talking again like normal human beings. We arranged a day trip to a theme park.

As a side note, I like theme parks but hate carnivals and fairs. The latter just have attractions that reduce me to nausea and I already have enough of that as is. Plus, lots of people in my home town were beaten, drugged, mugged and a few died at our yearly fair (though most of those deaths were overdoses).

So we had our day at the theme park, we waited for hours in long queues for rides that lasted less than 2 minutes. It was a strangely hot day and I had worn clothes for colder weather. It also rare that theme park queues have shelter. We had been there for hours, nothing of total note had happened. In any sense, we talked about random nothings and we got on rides. Quite late into the day, they held my hand. For context, I knew what this day was before it started. It was like taking your dog for a final joyride. I knew I'd be put down before the day was through, but in that moment. All of that washed away, my stomach was ablaze. I tried to put it out best I could but it was too late, I was already totally ingulfed in flames.

We went on a few more rides, I remember they had a real love for theme parks, or maybe this theme park in particular. They were really enjoying themselves here. There was one ride they wanted me to go on, it was the one type of ride I cannot stand. I don't mind swinging, I don't mind a roller-coaster and I don't mind haunted tunnels. In truth, I had no apathy toward this ride, but something kicked in. A childhood reminder that I was in fact , scared of heights. I haven't conquered this fear but I had learned to control it. I used to be terrified of diving and now I have done it from heights I couldn't have dreamed of. But something about this ride set me off. I refused, perhaps too quickly as it was an immediate and stern no. Their eyes were now filled with motivation and intrigue, they had immediately sensed my fear of this ride. They pulled my hand toward the ride but I continued to refuse till they gave up. I wonder if things would've been different if I had got on that ride. Probably not and there's no point wondering about the past.

We then left the theme park and headed back to the train station. All feelings of doubt I had were gone for this short period, however I could feel them growing. They would continue to do things to offset the feeling, at one point they kissed me. It was awful, I have never felt so much sadness in a kiss. We got to the first train station, as we had to get a train to get another train. They started tearing up, they then reiterated the "break up". Like a repeating motif, I could feel it's presence with a kiss. They kept asking, if I could remember what I had said, I repeated my answer till they told me. At this moment I went "Ohhhhh yeah, I remember that". They were quite surprised and I had to explain that I thought they meant something else this whole time. It was slightly humorous but the air was finally bombarded by the fact they said they think they love me too.

Why. Would. Anyone. Say. This. There are two occasions you shouldn't tell someone you truly love them. When you first meet someone and when you're about to break up with someone. The former being forgivable, just a bit forward. The latter being that you may still love the person you're breaking up with but you need to say it in a way that says "I love you but I don't want to be in a relationship with you". It's awful still but it softens the blow and is often true. This however was not that, they had never told me they loved me before this moment. Perhaps, it was to try soften the blow of what was happening, or perhaps they meant it but I would have much rather never have know. At this point they were bawling their eyes out. I had not shed a tear, I was deeply sad don't get me wrong. As much as I knew the knife was coming, you can only resist a blade to a certain depth. But I couldn't shed a tear, this was quite common for me. I find It takes a lot for me to cry whilst comforting someone else. They even questioned this, I can't remember my reply. The tears I have shed for that day must be in the single digits, I haven't been able to cry since then. Something may have broke, it will fix itself in due time.

We got on the train, I continued this comforting, they kept kissing and hugging and squeezing my hand, oh so tight. I said something that had been on my mind all day, they knew I had something on my mind but, I wouldn't tell them. But as this was the last time I would probably see them, I thought why not. This may have been a mistake as it was probably quite painful for them to hear, though, I don't know if it affected them at all. I told them their eyes were the only ones I could stare into comfortably and that they were the only person I would be excited to get phone calls from. Whilst these statements seem rather small, in my world they are mountainous letters of love. I have great difficulty staring people in the eye and even more difficulty answering a phone call. I only call one person and that's my dad and I'm never particularly excited about talking on the phone. In extension, I hate receiving and sending voice messages/voice mail. I'll be having a normal conversation with a friend via text and they'll send a voice message. I then won't reply for days because I don't want to listen to a voice message. As you can tell, these were big things for me.

We got off at our parting train station, I walked them to their platform and we waited for their train. They kept kissing me and telling me sweet things, I have no forgotten. I remember trying to give them my favourite jumper I had brought especially for them if they got cold. They wanted to but they declined. I decided not to insist as they had done the same for me previously and it was a great mental weight to hold. They kept saying "other me isn't here right now so we can just be like this". It sounds a little crazy but I understood what they meant. They were referring to their split feelings on the subject. They know they shouldn't be doing what they were doing but they continued because at that moment they wanted to. I felt the same. Their train arrived, we texted each other for maybe an hour afterwards until it was over for good.

I'm not sure if that day was real or if it was all just padding. The gourmet meal for the dying man, the last day for the diseased dog. Part of me hopes it was all padding, it would make it a lot easier to discard it as meaningless nothing. But maybe it was just a good final day, a last hurrah, a celebration of the dead instead of a funeral (I always do prefer the former). In truth, I'd rather not know. I'd rather leave as is, but they linger on my mind.

Since then, we have been in contact with each other twice. The first time was to let me know their dog had died. They loved the dog incredibly and I was quite fond of her myself. The second was a last ditch drunken attempt of me trying to talk to them in the form of asking for their etsy so I could buy a bookmark. They had gifted me one and I had nearly lost it. It planted this awful seed in my head, that sprouted into an awful plan. I asked, they replied, I admitted to what I had done and apologised. They sent their etsy, I ordered a book mark. I still prefer to use the one gifted to me, but the other is a great secondary for when I'm reading two books at once. Though it is made out of cut out paper from books. My mind wanders when I stare at it, is there a message for me here? I try not to think about it because if there is, I shouldn't pursue it and if there isn't then I would feel quite sad about it.

If they were to contact me again, whether that be a drunken dial or a heartfelt letter. I would probably respond. If they were to try to advance toward me, I would try my hardest to deny those advances. I'd try reply with anger, sadness and grief. I would try make them understand the pain I went through. Though, I probably would never do this. Because no matter how hard I'd try. I will always end up back at the beginning.

[klavery]

ok ive alluded 2 this b4 and i wanted 2 talk abt it 4 ace week so if anyones just dying 2 get in on an internet strangers Dramatic Queer Backstory im ready to overshare. its about my history with sex negativity and how its affected me.

so i grew up with an lgbt+ irl friend group of about 7 years. it sounds totally fake but for the love of god just trust me on this. Friend A was your typical anti-aspec, anti-mogai, anti-kink exclusionist with internalized homophobia and Friend B was a sex repulsed asexual. these two people were my best friends, we were all nd, we all liked fandom stuff, and we all found out we were lgbt+ together.

now with that context in mind, im letting you know right now that our relationship with eachother as lgbt+ people was utter hell. we werent CONSTANTLY at eachothers throats, but there had always been an air of uneasiness any time any topics about our identities or lgbt "issues" were brought up. there was no solidarity, and any support for eachother had always been one-sided. when tolerance HAD failed us, it resulted in arguments and shade-throwing. and it was all fueled by tumblr funnieman internet discourse brain poison. i was unable to feel pride within the presence of these two people, and the damage this did to me as an aspec person alone is a post all on its own.

these two friends, as you can imagine, were also very sex negative people. as was i. for me it was from a weird mixture of repulsion, and repression. but the nuances of my mess of an identity is, again, an essay for another time. but anyways, my own issues combined with both Friend A's internalized homophobia and Friend B's repulsion lead to us being neck deep in a miserable cycle of both sex and kink shaming, of either people we knew or people on the internet, amongst ourselves (i guess this was the one thing we could all agree on. isnt that just swell). this had been disastrous for my self esteem as someone who, later realized, wasnt "as asexual" as they thought, for lack of a better phrase.

i cant begin to describe how psychologically damaged this behavior has left me. to be stuck in such a toxic, harmful mindset during such a crucial period of development, between the ages of 13-20 years old. that i still struggle immensely to unlearn. it feels permanently ingrained in my subconscious, its just completely automatic to react with disgust or anger towards anything sexual. i always thought myself to be the perverted freak of the group, because of what i only relatively recently realized was actually normal human behavior all along. but the guilt of simply having any sexual thought continues to eat me alive to this day. and i must reiterate, the shaming wasnt just from my friends. i take just as much responsibility for the harm i caused. and i dont doubt my old friends are also just as fucked up from it as i am. i dont want to blame them for what happened. there is a part of me that wants to be angry, but thats mostly at the exclusionist shit. which i, big shocker, also had a hand in as well. funny how that works. its just. sad it had to be this way. this month is the 4 year mark of when i finally stopped talking to them for good. and i can only hope theyve grown up and gotten better.

[parulsheth1]

Always and Forever

As I browsed through my 8 Sep posts from over the years, I smiled as I read last year’s which ended with “Run, Run, Run!” Literally :-))

This year, it my heart fills  with pride as I stand on the sidelines and observe the 2 children “adulting”. As I continue with my normal life-  unnecessarily complicating my life with work, workouts and ridiculous goals, they have taken on life by the horns and are going at it fearlessly, charting their own path. 

Arnav is applying to grad school, figuring out all the complexities of the documentation himself, and Sanjana has plunged into working in the social sector at the absolute grass root level (very far from Paris, I daresay!). So very proud of both of them. It is indeed a real pleasure (most of the time) to watch these two navigate their life. And I reiterate my belief here, that Ketu, Papa and Mummy would have been extremely proud of both of them!

Beginning my journey in the second half of my life, I am properly adulting now (haha!!)- with the home renovation, creating and establishing my identity, having to take “BIG life decisions” by myself and moving into the “mother-in-law’s” room. It has indeed been very difficult for me to move by just these few feet into a “new room” and see a different view from my study table.  As I try and figure which storage system will work best for my wardrobes, my heart keeps going back to the comfort of my old walk-in closet (which Sanjana has now inherited – and ironically she’s struggling to organize that!)

Change is emotionally challenging, as I doubt myself constantly- wondering if the old system was better in the kitchen, doubting how efficiently the new electronic door lock will work, apprehensive about the new blinds and their fancy technology, reluctant to change the sofas and the like. 

After a lot of heartache and many a sleepless night, I realized, accepting change takes time. We were all used to the old ways of the past 25 years, so it will take us all a little while to establish new routines, and get used to the refrigerator being relocated inside the kitchen!

Change is difficult until we settle with the “new normal”.

Change is a must, change is inevitable. 

It has taken us close to 20 years (8 Sep 2003- 8 Sep 2023) to accept and embrace our life without Ketu. 

With each passing year we let go of the pain a little and find more reasons to smile.

With each passing year we forget some old stories and create new memories.

With each passing year we lose some friends, redefine old relationships, and understand ourselves better.   

With each passing year we make new friends, have new experiences and learn to look at the world in a new way. 

With each passing year we grow older, one day closer to death.

But we will never forget.

Ketu will always be with us. 

A part of our story, our person, our identity, our memory, in our hearts. 

Always. 

“Nobody knows where you are

How near or how far

Shine on, you Crazy Diamond.”

                        ~ Pink Floyd (Shine On You Crazy Diamond, Wish You Were Here)

[ihaveatheoryonthat]

This is... pure silliness. It was never actually meant to go anywhere, but one day I thought to myself ‘But what if Sneasler got chucked into modern Unova?’ and had to follow up on it, just a little bit.

As usual, it’s nothing complete. Have fun.

---

There was a beat of silence between the radio turning on and any actual message coming through.

When his brother did speak, it was to say, “There’s an, ah… well, there’s a Pokemon, here.”

“Groundbreaking.” / “Could you possibly be more specific?”

“Tall, purple,” / “It-- no? She? Okay, then-- she has very long claws.”

“Stop. Do you mean to say you don’t know what this Pokemon is?”

“Not entirely, no. She looks somewhat like a Sneasel, but the-- yes, hello. I believe she liked that, so she’s definitely related to the Sneasel family in some regard.”

---

He startled and took half a step back, but, in spite of the earlier volume, didn’t shout or scramble away from her. Eyes wide, he hid his mouth behind one hand to clear his throat and, apologetically, said, “Terribly sorry, it wasn’t my intention to [invade her space]. Are you lost? I’m afraid I can’t permit you to remain here-- it’s quite dangerous to be roaming these tunnels, you see, especially during operating hours.”

The Pokemon at his elbow swayed in the air and said, “You really shouldn’t be down here-- you could get hit by a train if you’re not careful! No one wants that!”

As if continuing directly from her [addition], the man added, “Would you accompany us to the station? Perhaps we can get you situated in a more suitable environment.”

Oh, had Sneasler managed to run into the Noble and Warden so quickly? That was convenient. Suspiciously so, but there was no reason to take it out on them; she knew the job, and they were just fulfilling their clan-given duties.

“You are the Noble and Warden of this territory?” She asked, eyes flickering between the pair.

The other Pokemon twirled in the air, letting loose a thoughtful hum. Her companion glanced at her and breathed a short laugh, but swiftly returned his attention to Sneasler.

“I don’t know about that first part, but we work here at Gear Station. I’m Chandelure! Ingo is my trainer!”

Sneasler inclined her head and returned the greeting, but she could feel her lips twitch in [displeasure]. She was… familiar with the term ‘trainer’, but her understanding of it stemmed from the Galaxy fools and traders who fumbled to cooperate with the Pokemon they’d chosen. None of the pairs she’d seen before seemed as fond of one another as these two did, limited though her perception of them was.

The human’s-- Ingo’s-- expression didn’t shift in response to her [?], but something in his tone turned distinctly [disappointed], “Ah, well… while I recognize that your circumstance is far from ideal, I must reiterate that you can’t be down here. It would be in everyone’s best interest if you might reconsider your stance, and willingly couple yourself to us.”

[…]

Ah. Okay. Now this? This was something Sneasler could work with.

It was strange that the other Warden looked exactly like the first, but the uniforms in clan colors transcended cultures, it seemed. This made perfect sense. Two Wardens to a territory. She wondered where the other Noble might have been.

“Ingo.” The other said flatly, the same disembodied voice from before, “I am aware that half of the DNA in the subway system is unidentified. But what did you drag out of the tunnels.”

“That’s yet to be determined, but as I said before, she does seem to bear some relation to Sneasels.”

She trilled, hoping to allay any inter-faction tensions by confirming for herself. The other Warden spared her another up-and-down glance, shrugged, and offered a bright smile.

---

“Miss Sneasler,” / “Operating hours have ended for the day. We must depart from the station soon.”

“Under normal circumstances, we’d entrust a lost Pokemon to the local precinct, but given your [conduct] today, we can only assume that you’re somewhat averse to the idea.”

“We cannot allow you to remain in Gear Station unsupervised. That leaves verrrry few options to pick from. If you find it acceptable, you may join us for the evening.”

[…]

But that left one very important question: which of the Wardens was she supposed to accompany? She didn’t know anything about the clans they were from or how delicate the situation might have been. Would she be dragging the Pearl Clan into a conflict they couldn’t afford if she chose one over the other? Would it be seen as a declaration of partnership or-- worse-- one of war?

Mind racing, she trailed a pace behind the pair, not paying attention to the path they wove through the strangely-lit roads in favor of her hasty attempt at political damage control. Arceus dammit, she hid in the mountains to avoid this exact kind of nastiness.

So it was something of a surprise when their paths failed to diverge-- when they entered the same building, and then the same domicile without a harsh word between them. Even when Emmet bopped the brim of Ingo’s hat over the man’s face, it was met with a fond amusement and same-scale retaliation.

“What’s wrong?” Asked Eelektross, once he’d been released and had a moment to shake himself out.

“They… get along?”

There was a whistling snicker from her other side, and, when Sneasler looked, Chandelure said, “Only until Elesa makes a pun. Then it’s open season.”

“I still don’t get it,” Eelektross said, bypassing Sneasler entirely to rest his head on one of Chandelure’s arms, “They’re clever jokes. What’s wrong with them?”

“They’re baaaaaad~” Chandelure gleefully sing-songed, “Don’t get me wrong, it’s great, but they’re awful!”

The eel hummed, accepting the answer even if he wasn’t satisfied with it, and slipped away from the conversation.

---

“I think she has imprinted on you.”

“How? She’s a fully evolved, mature Pokemon.”

“You baby the Pokemon. It only stands to reason.”

“Look, if this is about Crustle’s shell, he couldn’t reach that far back.”

“It was not! But thank you for admitting to another crime.”

“Emmet.” He said flatly, to a beaming smile.

“Yep!” Said his twin, and immediately turned on his heel and left.

Ingo stared at the vacant spot for a moment before turning to Sneasler, gesturing mildly to where his brother had been as if to say, ‘did you see that shit?’

[phanboyo]

I'm about to state a really unpopular opinion about a piece of phannon lore so feel free to ignore me. Also this is just my personal take and I don't really have a problem with anyone who likes it but,

I don't really like ghost obsessions? I feel like it makes them less... accountable? And less dimensional? And altogether less human. And I know that they're not supposed to be human but I feel like it makes them less relatable and more "odd manifestation of ecto-energy and post-human consciousness." It makes them more like alien beings who are slaves to a singular theme, and that's just no fun.

Granted, you can do a lot of interesting things with "What happens when a ghost is forced to go against its obsession, what could drive a ghost to go against its obsession, what happens when it fails to fulfill its obsession, etc etc"

I guess I don't mind it as an AU sort of thing, but it's so commonly accepted that it's kind of just a given in a lot of fic and stuff.

I mean heck, regular humans who don't have supernaturally powered obsessions already do stupid things to support their hobbies. Ghosts, for the most part, don't have anything to lose, their stakes are even lower for doing dumb stuff just cause it's fun.

Why does Ember hypnotize an entire population and sell out concert tickets to get people shouting her name? Because she likes fame, she loves music, being on stage is exhilarating, and the fact that she can still affect so many people even after she's dead is a thrill worth getting beat up by some dinky ghost hunter or even locked away in a prison for 1,000 years. She's dead, she's got all the time in the world, and nothing to lose.

Why does Skulker look for interesting new prizes to keep? Is it because of an alien force that drives his very being and gives him metabolic energy in exchange for exotic pelts? No! It's because it's fun! He obviously likes inventing things, I mean look at his suit! It's dope! He's a tiny little blob and he built a freaking terminator cyborg mech suit with a flaming mohawk just because he can. Sure, it probably makes hunting easier, but I don't think having an anthropomorphic punk skeletor mech would be helpful enough for that obsession to make it worth the time it took to build. Time which he could theoretically be using more practically fulfilling his obsession. So what does that mean? Does he have multiple obsessions? Hunting and Inventing? Maybe, but normal people call those hobbies. What else does Skulker get up to when Danny's not around? We have no idea. Maybe he's into needlework. Maybe he has a cool garden. If he's not a slave to a singular task which he must fulfill in order to get power, peace of mind, whatever whatever, then he could be doing a lot of things.

I guess I just like that more. We don't see a lot of every ghost, except Danny. We don't know what they get up to when he's not around, but I'd like to think that they, like regular people, are not based all around one or two ideas or themes. I guess I feel like obsessions are limiting. Sometimes that can be a good thing, or an interesting thing anyway, but I feel like it often brings less than it takes.

There's my hot take. Feel free to respond, I just want to reiterate that these are just my thoughts on it and I am a very flawed person who doesn't see everything :)

[ceramicdove]

🔥 enstars preferably some obscure shit on top of that

[SPACE JAM ANNOUNCER VOICE] Ladies And Gentlemen, Welcome. To The Main Event. Leeet's Get Ready To Ruuuumbleeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I know I put off these asks last night because I was tired, but I didn't forget about them. note that my responses are not going to be clearly formatted nor will they be extraordinarily intelligent, well-written thinkpieces. think of it as me unleashing the autism beasts, and good luck in advance!

I've talked about this previously, but since tempest just dropped on engstars I am seeing people discoursing and vocalising this specific take in real time, so I feel like it's a wonderful time to reiterate because it made me laugh and also made me sad. this isn't exactly a controversial opinion here on my insular tumblr community, but it'd definitely start shit on twitter.

I love the eccentrics as much as the next person and I love to see people produce them and make content of them, but a very notable chunk of eccentricsP (especially wataru-focused producers) loudly hate eichi or discredit his role in the story and those people will forever be a weak link in my eyes: this would seem petty to an outsider who would assume I must just hate anybody who hates my favourite characters, but I have my reasoning here.

eichi's presence is inextricable to the story of the eccentrics for better or for worse depending on how you look at things. that much is known by everybody. I think it's normal to have confusing or conflicting feelings on him particularly as somebody who is new to the story: I'm not going to drag people (especially not new players) to hell for having complex and mutable feelings on an antagonistic character. but I will have qualms if you refuse to even understand his narrative role at an entry level and offer his character any amount of sympathy, not even out of my own personal leverage, but because objectively, your misunderstanding of eichi will warp your understanding of the focal war/(!) narrative at its core. and these people are a wonderful example of that warped narrative.

I've oftentimes seen these people set up the story that eichi is irredeemable or insufferable, that the eccentrics were tragic kindred soulmate spirits who were torn apart by him but are bound to get back together and get their revenge through the Power Of Friendship, that wataru's character was butchered by having him fall in love with eichi, that he's a victim who fell prey to an abuser, or simply that his love for eichi is not genuine but is the long-winded set-up for a backstab. some people just think "this is the ultimatum", this is the real narrative of love in enstars. eichi loses, wataru escapes him, the eccentrics win, and it's love and it's beautiful and revolutionary!

you are waiting for a non-existent shoe to drop.

there is already a carefully-woven narrative about love right in your face: it has been there for years. and it's not only wataru's, but also eichi's. you cannot split them apart from each other in that regard, they are conjoined. a careful and sympathetic reader will know that. people do not see it exclusively and precisely because they shot themselves in the foot the moment they decided to actively hate and begrudge eichi, and they are now stuck angry and unsatisfied that the writer could do such a terrible thing to their sad, sopping wet, pathetic hibiki and his best friends.

→ the act of claiming that wataru is a victim whose character was butchered at the expense of loving eichi is, ironically enough, the biggest act of butchering his character. (and it's a very funny paradox.) wataru is a beautiful character, but his philosophy and presentation is fickle, vague, contradicting or difficult to grasp at times. a lot of information on him is debatable or downright missing, and that causes a lot of discrepancies among fanon interpretations of him: this is expected. but if there is one thing that should be clearly defined even without too deep of an outlook on the details of his story, it's that wataru controlled and chose his turn of events. wataru is smart. he chose to deny natsume's plan and play into his own execution because he saw through eichi and understood his intentions. this is presented in element and confirmed in neverland through nagisa's musings: "foolish, mighty monster who read us like an open book, yet willingly lay down to serve as a foundation. the present has been built atop your sacrifices. we alone will never forget that". he chose to join fine at his own volition and out of his own interests, and most of all he joined solely for eichi, not because his hand was forced. this is confirmed in flower festival. he chose to stay by eichi's side in the end because he fell in love with him: that's the pivotal moment of ep:link, and it is one of the moments that effectively defines the entire narrative. "we are living human beings, so we change, and we grow to love and admire people and such. that is precisely what the answer is — love is precisely what the answer is. i love you, and that is why i'll continue to be with you from now on." these choices were made out of the consciousness and love he holds in and for the story. these choices, his speeches, his extravagant nature, it's all in the name of love, love that he is trying to show to you, the audience. there is never a point at which he regrets this. you know what makes this all funnier? akin to all the comments and wishful theories that wataru must clearly wish to leave eichi in favour of his old friends, in sanctuary, even eichi, in a volatile and insecure state, tells him for a second time "i thought you had finally lost interest in me as a character in your play. [...] i thought you'd finally ran out of patience and given up on me [...] as if i were shocked to discover the person i love actually hated me in return". and wataru immediately denies this, tells eichi that in his eyes he's the protagonist, he muses on how he was misinterpreted, but most of all, a line that stuck to me was "what a shame, that people don't believe me when i reveal my true feelings!" because that's exactly what this all is! it's a shame that people won't believe his true feelings! it's a massive disservice to his character, to his emotions and intentions. it's turning a beautiful and intentional character into a cardboard cutout caricature of a victim that doesn't exist. if you want to feel pity for wataru, feel it for his childhood, for his loneliness and isolation, for many other things, but not for this. you are not rightfully defending him and his role, you are doing a disservice to his autonomy in the narrative. the eccentrics are a beautiful, fascinating, tragic group of characters: they deserve their own spotlight, their recovery, and the right to having their perspectives and traumas that stemmed from the war be valued by other characters and readers alike. but I just don't think this is the right way to go about it.