#I need to learn how to express my thoughts without writing a whole novel

[mitchipedia]

Attempting to talk about the movie “American Fiction” without using the word “woke.”

We watched “American Fiction,” a 2023 movie which opens with a blank screen and the unmistakable squeaking of a marker on a whiteboard. We pull back to see a college professor addressing a class, but we cannot see what’s written on the whiteboard behind him. A student says the word on the whiteboard is wrong. The teacher says he’s pretty sure he spelled it right. The student says the word is offensive. The camera pulls back to show what’s written on the whiteboard: It’s a title of a story by Flannery O’Conner. The includes the N-word.

The professor says, “This is a class on the literature of the American South. We’re going to encounter some archaic thoughts and coarse language, but we’re all adults here and I think we can understand it within the context in which it’s written.”

“Well, I just find that word really offensive,” says the student.

“With all due respect, Brittany, I got over it. I’m pretty sure you can too,” says the professor, who is Black. The student, who is white, exits the classroom upset.

I am going to avoid using the word “woke” in this review because I hate that stupid word. But it’s hard to avoid because “American Fiction” is in part a movie about wokeness.

The professor, we learn, is Thelonious Ellison. Most people call him “Monk.” He’s not doing well. He’s unpopular with students and colleagues; following the N-word incident, he’s suspended from teaching at the school. He’s bitter and angry, and turns that anger inward, expressing it outwardly by witty insults aimed at the people who bother him, which seems to be most people. The comments are funny and entertaining to us, the audience, but you can see how being around a person like that would be toxic in real life. Nonetheless, as a fictional character, he’s likable and fun. And when he turns off the nastiness, he’s a warm and loving person.

He’s a novelist, and his books aren’t selling. He blames it on a kind of racism. He’s a literary writer. His agent explains to him that publishers don’t want that from someone like Monk. They want a Black novel. “This IS a Black novel.” Monk says. “I’m Black. This is my novel.”

Monk spontaneously decides to write the kind of novel publishers want. Violent, semi-literate, about angry Black people living in the ghetto and shooting each other and being murdered by police. He calls it “My Pathology,” and then changes the title to “My Pafology.” To show his contempt for the publishing system, Monk has his agent submit he novel under a ghostname, “Stagg R. Leigh,” with a persona that “Leigh” is a fugitive from prison. Monk does interviews and meetings as Leigh, affecting a deep-voiced terse grunting speech. “My Pafology” and Leigh are cheap ripoffs of “The Wire.”

And Leigh’s book, unlike Monk’s literary fiction, sells. It becomes a bestseller. Monk was trying to ridicule white guilt and wokeness (ugh, that word), and instead he’s feeding it.

Monk lives and teaches in L.A.,but he returns home to Boston for a literary conference and to visit his family, from whom he is estranged. Monk’s mother is advancing into Azheimer’s and Monk finds himself with the duty of becoming primary caregiver. His family is affluent—both his late father and two siblings are medical doctors, and they have a live-in maid—but not as well off as they once were. What’s shown and not quite said explicitly is that Monk is appalled at the ruse he’s perpetrating as Stagg R. Leigh, but he needs the money to get his mother the best possible care.

We also see Monk’s attempts to overcome his emotional isolation and connect with his family and a pretty neighbor.

The whole thing reminds me of a Richard Russo novel, and I love a Richard Russo novel.

What ties the two plots together is a comment by Monk about Stagg R. Leigh’s novel, and books like it, “My life is a disaster, but not in the way you’d think reading this shit.”

The movie stars Jeffrey Wright as Monk and a solid cast of names and faces that I didn’t recognize, although I did recognize Leslie Uggams as Monk’s mother. I remember her turning up a lot in the 70s on game shows and second-tier talk shows like Mike Douglas and Merv Griffin. Then she surprised me with a starring role on “Roots,” paired up with Sandy Duncan—I remember thinking, holy shit those two can actually act. Then she fell off my radar until she reappeared as Blind Al, Ryan Reynolds’ roommate in the “Deadpool” movies.

Also featured is Sterling Brown, from “This Is Us,” as Monk’s brother, Cliff.

The screenwriter and director is Cord Jefferson, who previously worked as a writer on “The Good Place” and “Watchmen,” making his directorial debut. [imdb.com]

Jefferson talked in an Esquire interview about a scene where Monk is writing a sequence from Stagg R. Leigh’s novel. [esquire.com]

The scene in the novel features a young criminal confronting an older criminal. The younger criminal is brandishing a gun. Jefferson chose to cast two first-rated actors to play the two characters—Keith David, known to me as Childs, one of two characters who lives to the end of John Carpenter’s “The Thing” (1982) and Okieriete Onaodowan, known to me as Hercules Mulligan in “Hamilton.”

Jefferson said:

We’ve all seen that scene of the writer pounding the keyboard frantically, then taking a big sip of coffee and getting back to it. That’s how you depict somebody intensely writing. But I thought, ‘We can’t have that. It’s tropey and silly, and it doesn’t get the audience’s minds going.’ So why not have these characters manifest in front of him? When I wrote that scene, I wrote the language to be very silly. It had to be ridiculous so that everybody could see how stupid this book is and what a sham it is. Then we got Keith David and Okieriete Onaodowan, who are both such tremendous actors. All of the sudden, it wasn’t silly anymore. They made it seem like the book might be good. I love what the scene became in their hands: suddenly you’re questioning whether or not the book is good, which is evidence that something as ridiculous as this book could become a hit.

A character named Sintara Golden is both Monk’s nemesis and inspiration. At the outset of the movie we see she is already fabulously successful playing the same game Monk plays: She went to Oberlin, got a job in publishing, and then made a success for herself writing a book affecting illiterate victimized Black voices. Her book is titled “We’s Lives in Da Ghetto.” But unlike Monk, she’s doing everything in the open. Despite this, Monk thinks she’s just as cynical and pandering as he is. We come to see more of her, and learn that she’s playing a more sophisticated and sincere game than she first appears to be.

In an Esquire interview, Jefferson says he sometimes agrees with Monk and sometimes agrees with Golden.

The actor who plays Sindara Golden is Issa Rae, who apparently first become prominent on YouTube. [imdb.com]

About that first scene: Monk is right to push back against banning the N-word even in discussions of racism—even when used by Black people. But he didn’t have to be such a jerk about it to his student, “Brittany.” She’s just a kid. He’s being a bully.

Monk’s punishment for using the N-word has a parallel in real life: Black writer Walter Mosley, author of the Easy Rawlins novels, quit a job as a writer on “Star Trek: Discovery” in 2019 after he was chastised by the studio human resources department for using the n-word in the show’s writer’s room. Mosley was quoting someone else’s use of the word; he was making a point about racism. [hollywoodreporter.com]

Additional reading:

Cord Jefferson Wants You to Argue About American Fiction [esquire.com] That’s the Esquire article I mentioned earlier.

Did You Catch the Meta Nod of Sintara Golden’s Current Read in ‘American Fiction’? [themarysue.com]

Director Cord Jefferson was formerly a jouranlist, who often wrote articles about race and racism. Here’s his 2014 essay: “The Racism Beat.” [medium.com]

[orlissa]

The newest episode* of Getting Published Might Not Be So Hopeless After All

*As if there were earlier episodes

I finished a book the other day--it's a recent publication (came out last month), currently at 3,61 on Goodreads with nearly 6000 ratings

It's titled My Roommate Is a Vampire, and the title just about tells you everything that you need to know :D

But in a nutshell: after spending the last century or so in a magic induced coma, our vampire main guy has a deep seated desire to be able to blend in in the modern world, so he places an ad for an unsuspecting human roommate. Cassie (our main female/POV character) is a down-on-her-luck artist currently being evicted from her apartment, so she jumps on the opportunity. Time goes by, not so much stuff happens, and they fell for each other. The end.

Literally. There isn't much else that happens in the book.

That being said, the novel is not without its virtues. The start off situation is funny, especially since while Cassie doesn't know that she is moving in with a vampire, even with the guy's erratic, but heartfelt behavior, the audience does, so there are a bunch of endearingly hilarious situations. I honestly thought this setup would make a great sitcom. Plus all of the chapters start with either a letter/letters, chat messages, google searches, diary entries, etc., which was a narrative choice I really liked, especially since it allowed a glimpse into other characters' thoughts beyond Cassie.

The rest is under cut, because it got long

But holy crap, everything else in this novel was so underdeveloped I can't even express. It was like that author had this fun idea, but nothing beyond it, but was still determined to make it work. Like the publisher saw the opportunity in the setup, and had an editor work on it with the author, but then accidentally ended up publishing the original manuscript before the edits.

The author never took the effort to properly work on the lore. Basically the whole "presenting the lore" part is the two main characters watching Buffy, and the vampire guy (who is named Fredrick J. Fitzwilliam, btw) saying that yeah, the show got some things wrong, got other things right, and there are like 2 examples. We never actually learn how he, himself got turned (or how vampires get turned, for that matter). Also, there is his "mother" in the story - is she his maker? His actual mother? Both? We never learn!

Not to mention his whole backstory. At the point I have to compare it to All Souls, since we have a guy turned into a vampire hundreds (thousands) of years ago, when he was in his mid-thirties. In All Souls (okay, that's a bit longer story, I know, but still, it would take like, what, 5 pages?) we learn who Matthew was in his life, what he liked, what he did, we learn about his family, his tragedies, how he was turned, and, as a vampire, grew from an artisan into a de-facto nobleman. Fredrick, in contrast, started out from a humble home (we never explore how he ended up with upper class demeanor), and apparently did nothing until he was turned in his mid-thirties. Apparently he had no job, no family... And honestly, why wouldn't a guy in his mid-thirties be married in the 18t century? It's just such a lazy job, such lazy writing.

Also, there a scene (there are a bunch of scenes, really, but let me use this one as a example) where Cassie takes Fredrick to a party hosted by her best friend (she has a gay best friend, of course XD), and he prepares by memorizing a bunch of stuff about Taylor Swift, because he did his research, and apparently she is very popular in this age group.

The problem here is that, once again, the author didn't think it through. Reciting random facts is not just odd, but it's like the guy has zero frame of reference--but it's not just he doesn't have a frame of reference, it's that his frame of reference is drastically different. If I wrote it, it wouldn't be just reciting facts, and haha, it is funny, because Taylor is a big deal and I'm resonating with the audience. Instead, let's have Fredrick compare her to the great singers of his era. Like "I read about this lady, and I'd like to hear her sing--what do you mean it's all recorded? And what about live? In which establishment does she sing? In a stadium?!"

(And, yeah, btw, Frederick is said to have been in a coma for a hundred years, but that would mean that he went to sleep in the roaring twenties, and yet he acts Victorian/Regency period, which is, once again *just lazy, unrefined writing*)

The big conflict is supposed to be that Fredrick mother wants him to marry some vampire chick, and he is against it all. I have some many problems with how this plotline is excuted. Like 1, the vampire chick (called Esmeralda for some reason, which somehow sounds really tacky) is never seen in person. She is literally a non-character. Also, throughout the whole book she is super adamant about wanting to get married, then suddenly has a change of heart off screen in the last chapter. 2, Fredrick pulls himself together at some point to go and tell the families in person that he won't marry her, and... he gets taken hostage. And held for days. Which we never see, because he is not the POV character. There is zero tension, zero stakes (not even, you know, the kind you kill vampires with). Cassie figures out after some time that she is missing, she writes an e-mail to his mother that if they don't release him she'll expose vampires on TikTok (wheezing), and then Fredrick mother just backs down and releases him and HAPPY END! Honestly... that's the whol conflict. The sex scene is written with more details.

Talking about sex (because of course there is a lot of longing, and talk about erections, and then a long ass sex scenes, which I did not enjoy, because by then I was done with both characters): when Fredrick is released, he has wounds on his wrists after being tied up, and he is like "don't worry, it's just my heart doesn'T beat, so my blood doesn't flow *like that* so I heal slower :)

Like... okay, listen to me here... if his heart doesn't beat... and his blood doesn't really flow... you know what is highly unlikely to happen, right? RIGHT?!

So yeah, it could have been a good book, but it's just So Damn Badly Written from a technical point of view that I just can't. Nope. I can't.

But if this can get published, then who says I or you can't?

[prettylittlelyres]

2022: My Year in Writing

Happy New Year, friends! I’ve been quiet again, but here’s my yearly round-up. Hopefully I’ll be more active in 2023! Without further ado:

What did I manage?

I wrote just over 168,500 words in 2022. It’s felt like a slow year for my writing, but that’s equivalent to 3 novels… so I’m pleased! I started the year wanting to write 500 words per day, and I managed an average of 462. In the spirit of being kind to myself, and celebrating achievements, I’ll consider that a target hit.

I wanted to read 50 books last year, but ended up reading 45. At first, comparing my 2022 reading record with its 2021 counterpart, I was disappointed, but then I thought about what I’d read in 2022, and realised I could remember more about the stories. Looking at my 2021 list, most of the books on there now come as a surprise. If I reading them at all, I can’t remember what they were about. More of 2022’s list is familiar, which may just be the recency effect, but I think reading more slowly has let me read more deeply. It’s hard to find time to read these days, but I do love it, so I’ve found ten or twenty minutes here and there to enjoy a tasty bite of story.

I’ve taken part in #PitMad several times, and was looking forward to future events, but it was discontinued after December 2021. I had to look for other pitching events. On 23rd June, I tweeted my pitch for “Vogeltje” at #PitchDis (a pitching event for stories by Disabled authors), and got a “like” from an agent. During Twitter pitch events, literary agents use the “like” button to express interest in pitches, as invitations to send them queries. I didn’t get a response to the query I sent, but in the meantime I’ve put querying on hold while I redraft, so that’s probably a good thing. I love the atmosphere of Twitter pitch events, and I’m looking forward to being able to take part in more!

What did I start?

I wanted to write more short-form work in 2022, so I started responding to other people’s writing prompts, and even making a few of my own. That led to five completed short stories (and even more that I planned or started but which never made it past bullet points in my notebook), and seven whole poems! I hardly ever wrote poetry before 2022, and seven isn’t a huge number, but it’s more poems than I wrote in 2023, and writing four in June alone pleased me so much.

Some of the short stories that I wrote last year have made it onto this blog, but I want to redraft others, and have a go at some of the ideas I sketched out in my notebook. I started it in May, and it’s just-over half-full of drafts and spider-diagrams planning responses to various prompts I’ve created and collected over the year. I can’t decide if I’ll start a new notebook for 2023, or if I’ll carry on working in my 2022 notebook until it’s full.

In amongst the short stories and poems that I scribbled into that notebook are bits of plans for other projects: three longer pieces that I’ve been working on this year which are probably going to end up as novels, but which are still far from finished. I’m hoping to finish drafting one of them in January, but I’m not ready to talk about it on here just yet. It’s still very early days!

What did I finish?

I finished redrafting “Vogeltje” on 1st February, at about 3am. I was still doing shift work then, so it wasn’t unusual for me to be awake so late, but now – feeling sluggish and queasy because I stayed up until 1:30am for New Year’s Eve – I wonder how I did it. These days, I can just about manage 2am, but I’m not up to writing anything coherent by then! So, not only did I finish a draft this year, I also finished my youthful years, when I could stay up late and not SufferTM.

There were drafts I didn’t finish. At the time, I felt bad about them – wondering why I couldn’t just motivate myself to complete a story like I apparently used to be able to – but now I can see that I did the right thing in stopping. I’ve learned to recognise when I need to stop, instead of slogging on to finish something I’m enjoying! I understand myself and what I want to write a lot better in January 2023 than I did in January 2022, and that’s because of all the stories I’ve abandoned.

Although it’s unrelated to writing, I’m pleased to say I’ve also completed the challenge I tentatively set myself at the beginning of the year: 300 days of clarinet practice! I’m so proud of how far I’ve come and I’m glad I recorded it all, so I can hear (and see) the improvements I’ve made. Now I feel like a proper musician again, and feel better in general. I think I’m standing up straighter, breathing more deeply, and even typing more quickly. My sight-reading has also improved a lot, and I’m finally, at 24, starting to figure out embouchure (only took me 14 years, but a win is a win).

I also had my graduation ceremony at last. I finished my degree in 2021, but graduation was postponed until 2022 because of COVID-19. It was wonderful crossing the stage with my best friends, and seeing my favourite lecturers again. (And I look absolutely delightful in my graduation photos!)

What did I do?

I put far too much pressure on myself in 2022.

I told myself I needed to write a huge amount, and finish a massive pile of projects, in a year when I was also trying to brush up another hobby, and when I changed from shift work to a 9-5 pattern and suddenly had a much more regimented schedule. Too much.

I wrote over 339,000 in 2021, probably more than I’ve written in any other year of my life, and I wanted to write just as much in 2022. I didn’t think about the fact that I was still at university for the first five months of 2021, and frequently had to write long essays and extensive notes alongside my own writing, which went very well. I work well under pressure, but only if someone else is putting it on! My brain doesn’t pay attention to deadlines I set myself because I can move them; as long as I’m in charge of what I write and when, I don’t write much at all.

2020 and 2019 were also really good years for my writing – I wrote 210,000 words in 2020, and a similar amount in 2019, although I don’t know exactly – and I expected myself to be just as prolific in 2022, but that wasn’t sensible. I was extremely lucky, three years running, to have my brain click and let me write so much, and it’s not a reflection on me that 2022 wasn’t like that. It was just an unlucky year, and I’m starting to realise that now. 2023 might be a lucky year, or it might not. It doesn’t matter how much I write, as long as I enjoy it.

How do I feel?

Honestly, I feel a little silly. I tried to overdo things and while I’m feeling healthier now than I’ve ever felt in my life, I’ve only been doing this well since October. Before that, I was floundering, and I need to remind myself of that any time I’m tempted to look at 2022 as a bit of a rubbish year. Yes, it was… but I had a bit of a rubbish time!

I didn’t finish “2021: My Year in Writing”, but I still have the bit I drafted. I gave up trying to get it all down because there was so much to talk about, and that gave me unrealistic expectations for 2022. “This year, I will write just as much as last year,” I thought to myself, not considering the context in which I wrote so much. I should have re-read the partial draft a few times this year, because, looking back at it now, there’s a few things that really jump out at me, particularly what I wrote in April:

“I rather set myself up for disappointment in April, hoping I would achieve the same amount of work as I had done the month before. There was a weekly translation for French and German, a weekly psycholinguistics reading to note down, and seminars to prepare for “German-Jewish Writing Across the Twentieth Century”. I had nearly all my weekly lectures on a single day, with barely a moment to grab a fresh cup of tea in-between them, and started to struggle with my energy levels. Sometimes, I couldn’t make it to class because I was so tired that I couldn’t sit up for an hour at a time. The rest of the week was spent trying to catch up on work I’d missed without falling behind on prep for the next week. Nevertheless, I managed to add a few scenes to “Violins and Violets”. I ended up with a 19,900-word total for the month. Couldn’t quite make those last 100 words happen… Couldn’t help being a bit disappointed in my achievements, which I knew was an unhealthy attitude, so I tried to be kinder to myself the next month.”

In hindsight, I was working so hard that I was making myself unwell. In hindsight, I knew a long time ago that I needed to be kinder to myself, and to stop setting myself up for disappointment by aiming for goals I just couldn’t achieve.

Somehow, I thought it would be a good idea to spend most of 2022 forgetting all that.

I can’t help but notice similarities between how I apparently felt in April 2021 and how I felt for most of 2022. I feel a lot better now, but I’ve been so tired this year that I’ve… managed to forget how tired I’ve been.

I’m not disappointed in myself. I just want to laugh. And then move on.

What am I looking forward to in 2023?

I’ve decided to set myself soft goals this year:

- write things I enjoy;

- put less pressure on myself;

- pause or quit projects I don’t like.

What happens happens. What I achieve, I achieve. I would quite like to be a professional writer one day, but I have to remember that I am not one at the moment. I don’t need to meet deadlines, I don’t need to write a certain number of words per day, and I don’t need to finish a certain number of books every year.

I just need to like writing.

In 2023, I want to engage more with writeblr and my local writing community (I’m part of my local NaNoWriMo group on Facebook) and participate more in the Discord server I’m in. It’s lovely having friends in other writers, and feeling like part of something. I took a writing course at the beginning of 2022, and I hope I’ll find another one (or a repeat!) this year. I loved the camaraderie of last year’s lessons, and how friendly and encouraging everyone was.

I want to read more slowly, more carefully, and more thoughtfully this year. I think I’ve benefited from reading a little less in 2022. Stephen King said, “If you don’t have the time to read, you don’t have the time (or the tools) to write,” and he was correct. I’ve let myself spend more time on each book I’ve read this year, and I’ve enjoyed everything more as a result. Hopefully in 2023, I’ll read a few more craft books, and improve my writing like I’ve improved my clarinet.

I hope all of you have a lovely new year, and I’m looking forward to reaching out a little (lot) more!

[spikesbimbo]

VALLL!! congrats on your 500 🥺 and i’m so very happy you’re in my discord you’re SO FUNNY ND I LOVE TALKIFN TOOO YOUUUUUU

my fave song; cherry wine by hozier

c-can i request bokuto 👉🏼👈🏼

nsfw or sfw is fine :3 heheh

and a description of myself is! i’m pretty shy! but i love talking to ppl once i get to know them :3 kinda chaotic once i’m out of my shell more ! but it takes a bit for me to trust ppl :3 i love loving on people and am,, clingy hehhe very much an attention whore™️ and am kinda scatterbrained, forget about things a lot i write on myself to remember things, and set reminders/alarms bc of it :> oh i’m really easy to fluster too, very much an excitable person :3

dasknfakjs im funny??

Thrown at me so powerfully

It's a crime

That she's not around most of the time.

And it's worth it, it's divine

The way she shows me I'm hers and she is mine

Relationship hcs

Pls you had to confess to him multiple times (your poor heart), before he understood what you meant

Thinking i like you meant meant as friends

Luckily akaashi dragged him to the side one of the days you tried to express your feelings, almost crying cause he didn't understand.

And after kashi told him he ran back up to you and was like “you want to be my girlfriend?” turning his head to the side genuinely confused.

And askkasi slapped him in the back of head saying “yes, now apologize for stressing her out”

And he apologized, not exactly knowing what for asfnaskj pls forgive him, he's actually sad : (

So you two have been together for a few years now, everyone laughing at the story of how yall got together.

You now being his koala bear everytime he was home clinging onto him, while he didn't even notice you, like you were a feather. Love strong daddy bo 

Him smothering you in kisses every time he saw you, even if it was just from coming outside to get the mail.

He posts daily on his story too, drawing little scribbles and hearts in the background 🥺

You two squeal together when a new episode of an anime comes out, immediately getting snacks and him curling up in to your chest (yes little spoon bo is my fav)

When you fall asleep he moves out of your arms for a second, using his big brain to remember that you forgot to set your alarm, doing it for you with a smile appearing in his face, before snuggling back into your boobs falling asleep himself.

He sets it an hour late but its the thought that counts.

  Nsfw hcs (bc how could i not)

Yall grab each other's titties just cause, him saying yours are comfy and like a human stress ball pls bby, while you just said they were hot, having no shame.

So now he always walk around with no shirt on, as if he wasn't doing that before, giving you a free show 

He is a pussy fienddddd

Will live and die for your pussy. Would legit suffocate while you rode his face if you didn't pull off. Love that

Legit gets turned on by anything, thinking it means you want to fuck. Whether it's wearing his shirt, or accidentally letting your towel fall down, seeing his smirk across the room.

And you'd never tell him no, so now here you are getting your pussy ate for the third time today cause you walked out of your room with just your bra and panties on, trying to get the laundry. 

He makes you cum so quick, and its not just cause hes good at it, its cause he gets off to it, loving being a good boy, esp when you call him that, stg it would make him nut on the spot.

After he cums hes still hard, so you get to work and climb ontop of him, sliding down quickly cause you were already so wet.

And you get tired after like 3 times of humping him, so he just holds you close and fucks the absolute shit outta you.

Then after you've both cum for the nth time, he washes you two up, remembering that you said you hated being dirty.

And tucks you in bed, sliding his dick back in you as part of your nightly routine < 3

-

-

find the event right here

[aggravatetheaxe]

Hey! Saw your post and saw you said you were upsettie spaghetti so I wanted to cheer you up!

Slashers who stop everything they’re doing because their “My S/O needs me” senses are tingling and go to their rescue to comfort their angry s/o?

I was hoping to come up with A way for you to get your emotions out through your writing- 😅

Hope you feel better! 🖤

I've never done a post in this style before so hopefully I do okay! I think I covered pretty much all the slashers I write for so far (I didn't do Billy Lenz because I still need to read the novelization). I may have gone way overboard, so if I do these in the future, I'll probably just pick a few instead of doing the whole roster 😅 (or you can pick for me). But doing this much work did distract me!

Above the cut:

Bo Sinclair

Vincent Sinclair

Lester Sinclair

Included below the cut:

Michael Myers (OG)

Jason Voorhees

Leslie Vernon

Thomas Hewitt

Bubba Sawyer

Brahms Heelshire

Erik ("The Phantom")

Deacon Billings (OC Ghostface)

Courtney Dwayne Delmont (OC slasher)

Kathleen Montgomery (OC slasher)

Masterlist

***

Bo Sinclair

Despite being autistic, Bo is very in tune with peoples auras and body language. He has to be to manipulate and deceive people with any modicum of success. He's trained himself when it comes to these things; even besides masking or manipulation, he needed to be keenly aware of when his parents were in Bad Moods so he could either avoid them or prepare himself.

The mood he's probably best at when it comes to this, for those reasons, is anger. He can smell anger a mile away. So if you're fuming, you better believe he notices.

At first he's annoyed and will demand to know what your problem is. He's not a very tolerant person, and he can be a bit of a hypocrite. He's allowed to have big, messy feelings, but when it comes to others having big, messy feelings ... he's not so comfortable with that. He gets overwhelmed.

Once he realizes that this is more than an attitude problem, he'll take it much more seriously. And assuming you're not mad at him, he'll want the rundown on the whole situation from beginning to end. He wants all the dirt.

He'll let you rant, and honestly, he'd think you being this angry (when it's not directed at him, but even still sometimes) is kind of sexy. And don't expect him to shut his mouth, either; he'll be ranting right along with you, affirming you and insulting whomever/whatever you're angry about.

He doesn't wanna cuddle. He genuinely thinks you can't cuddle anger away. He'll put on some loud-ass music and let you vent your frustration however you prefer. Maybe suggest a long drive down to the lake or into town or just ... picking a direction and going. He has fantasies of running away from his anger sometimes. He knows how it is.

Depending on what you're angry about, it could definitely get to the point where he's angrier about the situation than you are. And if it really hurt you, he will not let it go as long as he lives. The best he will ever do is maintain a grudging neutrality or distance from the person/situation that made you angry.

He's very protective. If you're angry at someone you need to maintain a relationship with, you're going to have to keep an eye on Bo to make sure he doesn't deliver revenge for you behind your back. If it's something he can solve, he'll do it, so if you don't want him running his mouth, watch him.

Vincent Sinclair

Vincent is in the same boat as Bo when it comes to sensing auras, though his handle on body language and facial expressions is not as keenly honed. While Vincent was not physically abused as brutally or as often as Bo, this wasn't because of some sterling quality he had that Bo lacked. He was always The Good One because he saw what his parents did to The Bad One and knew he needed to protect himself. He tried not to do anything that might provoke his parents.

You can feel anger before a fight like you smell ozone before a storm. Vincent is attuned to the feeling not just because of his parents but because of Bo's temper, too. Because of this, like Bo, he can very accurately sense anger in particular.

His initial reaction is to observe you, gauging if you need time to cool off. If you need space, Vincent is the Sinclair for you. He's used to being quiet and deflecting and riding out anger.

However, once he realizes that your anger is not directed at him or isn't explosive enough to become a problem for him, he's concerned. Rather than asking what happened, he will ask if you're okay, and leave it up to you whether you'll tell him about it or not.

If you vent, he'll sit and listen patiently, maybe even thoughtfully working on a sculpture while you rant. He's not judgemental and he can be very emotional himself, so you could say the most ridiculous, dramatic things and he wouldn't even bat an eye. Let out all your messy, destructive thoughts and feelings. Just try not to throw or punch anything; that's when he shuts down.

If you decide you just want comfort, or decide you need comfort after ranting, art is his first suggestion. It may seem cold to you at first, that his instinct isn't to hold you or kiss you but rather to redirect you to a project - once you got to know him, however, you'd know that's his most genuine way to show he cares. Redirecting to something creative calms him down more than platitudes ever could, and he wants that for you. He's nonjudgmental about the art you create as well, even if it's objectively terrible. It's not about the quality.

He won't turn you down if you need physical affection, however. His twin is extremely tactile, so it wouldn't be the first time he held someone after a breakdown. He prefers to do this if he's certain you won't lash out physically, but if you were in a really bad way and needed to be touched, he'd do it regardless.

Lester Sinclair

Lester witnessed his parents' anger, but it was usually indirectly; if Bo was the Bad One and Vincent was the Good One, he was the Overlooked One. He's not a perfect person, probably not even a good person, but of the three brothers, he's the most normally socialized. He isn't trained to be tuned into everyone's every shifting mood in order to survive.

It takes Lester a little longer to pick up on your anger than his brothers, but not too much longer. It takes him a couple tries at trying to talk to you or get your attention before he realizes something is really wrong.

His first reaction is to get upset. He soaks up emotions like a little sponge, so he's suddenly cranky, too. He also jumps to conclusions and assumes that you're angry with him, and he does not take rejection well. He might be bitter and passive aggressive. You being angry just makes him want to go in another room and not be around you, and yet at the same time, he wants your reassurances. It's messy and sad.

Once he realizes - either through observing you or through you communicating with him - that you're mad at another person or situation, then he'll feel comfortable enough to approach you and ask you about it. You'll definitely need to reassure him that you're not mad at him though.

If you wanna rant, he'll take you on a long drive and let you vent your heart out to him. He won't be quite as aggressive as Bo, but he'll be on your side, frowning with disapproval, telling you "Ya can't fix stupid." If you want only comfort or need comfort after venting, he feels much more equipped for that. He'll put something relaxing in the VHS or let you play his old Super Nintendo, get you a beer, just let you chill out. And he'll let you win at Doctor Mario.

If the situation is something really serious, you best believe he'll be talking to his brothers about it the second he gets a chance. He may be a sweet guy, but he can be real nasty, and he doesn't fuck around when it comes to you. You might have to keep an eye out to make sure he doesn't tell someone off or punch out someone's lights.

Michael Myers (OG)

In 1978, Michael is not very in tune with any emotions besides fear, and even then he only really understands it in an abstract way, as his condition and upbringing haven't really been conducive to him learning about emotions. Unless you're screaming in terror, have tears running down your face, or are shouting angrily, he really can't read your moods. Without any obvious change to how you normally act or look, there's a huge chance he might just not notice if you're angry. He spends a lot of time in his own little world.

In 2018, even though he's spent over 50 years institutionalized, Michael has had time to take in the world, and he's seen a lot more. He understands fear much more than he did when he was 21, but what he understands most of all is anger. His anger fuels him. He would pick up on yours right away and be curious, though he wouldn't verbalize it.

If you tell him how you feel, he'll take note of it. If he witnesses you doing something destructive because of your anger, he'll simply observe. He would be fascinated with this thing you're doing, because it's not something you normally do, and though he might not notice emotions, he certainly notices routine and pattern. Either way, you'll have to tell him how you feel, because he'll simply watch you otherwise.

One thing that can be said for Michael is that he's a good listener. He may not internalize everything you say, but he will remember what he thinks is important. You may be surprised; he may remember tiny little details that seem inconsequential to you but loom large in his mind.

Unless you were caused serious physical or mental harm, he would not be angry on your behalf. He would, however, do nothing to assuage your anger. He thinks it would be kinda neat and interesting to see you snap. He's not 100% sure why you don't just do it.

In 1978, he won't be much help beyond listening to you, but he would be curious to see what you do to vent your anger. You may find him by your side more often, observing you. He may also want to find and observe the object of your anger, especially if it's a person. In 2018, he would, in his own way, suggest you solve the problem by murdering someone/something. He's insatiable, but killing is the closest he's ever come to satisfaction. You should try it.

Jason Voorhees

Out of all of the slashers, Jason is the most likely to actually literally sense your anger, especially if you're psychically sensitive/powerful like Tina Shepard. I'm talkin'—assuming you have a pre-established relationship—he'll be doing something else and just get this itch that tells him you're out there somewhere, pissed off.

Obviously this is untenable. As long as he's not super busy or Pamela has other plans, Jason will stomp his way through the woods to get back to you, regardless of the urgency of your anger. If Pamela doesn't approve, well, he'll let a little anger go and assume you're okay. If he suspects you may be in danger, though, he's sprinting regardless of what Mom says. There's time for both things, Ma!

The first thing he'll do when he returns to you is scan your dwelling, then you, making sure nothing is broken. At that point, you'd probably be able to sense his confusion even without him signing. Jason doesn't experience emotions quite like a human anymore, and he's quite tactile besides, so a lack of tangible or visible clues as to why you're upset would trip him up for a second.

He doesn't want to comfort you at first, he wants to know what's wrong. He'll listen to you vent only long enough to understand the situation and identify his target. His immediate next move would be to eliminate the problem. You'll definitely have to hold him back, and it may take a bit of convincing. Earthly consequences don't really apply to him.

Before comfort comes blowing off steam, for you and for him. His first choices would be mangling some trees (you can pretend it's for firewood) or skipping/throwing stones into the lake. You're welcome to join him if those things calm you down; watching him get his stone to skip like 11 times on Crystal Lake may make you feel better, at least.

You might hang out there for hours before he suddenly decides it's time to go home. He'll do what he can to make your comfortable or stay out of your way while you make yourself comfortable, then comfort you as you please. His go-to choice is always foot or hand massages.

Leslie Vernon

Leslie is extremely observant and surprisingly analytical given how silly he is in the day to day. His intuition makes it pretty easy for him to read people, but especially you, since you two are so close. Especially-especially if you're his Survivor Girl (gender neutral term of course). You two are in sync, so he knows if something's up. Maybe even before you fully figure it out.

God, you're so hot when you're angry, you really are. He almost wants to let you scream and holler and go nuts. But he prefers you only get angry like that at him, especially if you're his Survivor Girl, so his first move is to comfort you or talk you down to a place where you can be comforted. He'll speak to you calmly and rationally, reassuring you and touching you if you wanna be touched—on your upper arms or shoulders or face, or with one arm around your back.

He doesn't just want to comfort you, though, he wants to calm you down enough that you can tell him what happened. Even if you claim you don't want to talk about it, he will coax it out of you eventually. He's gotta know what got you so upset. It's his business to know everything about you!

Assuming you're angry at someone/something that isn't him, he'll talk it through with you. If you're upset about an argument with someone, he has the capacity to see it from the other side, but ultimately, he's there for you. He'll let you bitch as much as you want, still touching you, and he'll be disgusted and/or disappointed with the situation.

Above all, though, what he wants is to see you smile again. The only worries on your mind should be the ones he comes up with, and man, he's not even halfway done grooming the next batch of unlucky teenagers. He'd pat your face or touch your hair and tell you to cheer up, and probably defuse the situation with a stupid quip or joke. Take you out somewhere fun, maybe.

Once you were cheered up, he'd humbly suggest you solve your problem with a little murder. "I mean, I know killing's not really your thing—you're really good at it, though, a talent! You know that..." Pause, considering you. "You want me to do it? 'Cause I can clear my schedule for the rest of the night." If you decline, he'd be like "Suit yourself" but may or may not still murder whoever upset you. If you agree, he'd be super excited to make a romantic night of it. His mind would be going a million miles an hour planning everything out.

Thomas Hewitt

Tommy knows anger when he sees it. Not only does he have loads of internalized anger, he's been on the receiving end of it plenty. He's far too large to be scared of anyone in a physical sense anymore, but he's been shouted at countless times. To know when to shut up and do as he's told versus arguing back, he's learned to gauge intensity and direction of anger, and he well knows that anger can be redirected to him.

So, he instantly recognizes your mood, but it might be a while before he approaches you. When he does approach, he'll let you decide what to do, whether that's throwing your arms around him or banging your fists on his chest to vent your anger. You won't hurt him.

Eventually, once you're all hugged or cried or screamed out, he'll wrap his arms around you and give you a reassuring squeeze. There's no need to tell Tommy what's wrong—he won't ask unless you're obviously in serious distress or injured—but if you decide to speak, he'll listen, brows drawn tightly the whole time. He's thoughtful about the situation.

If you're mad at someone in his family, there isn't much he can do for you besides comfort you and assure you that whoever upset you—Hoyt, probably—didn't mean what they said. If you were hurt physically, it would be another story, but his family gets in shouting matches all the time.

Rather than offering help, he'd wait for you to request it of him. Whatever you ask, shy of hurting his family, he will do. Murder someone? No problem. Make you some food? You got it. Bring you a blanket? Sure. Give you some quiet alone time? That's fine, too.

If you need to vent, he's got plenty of ways to get out your frustration. Plenty of farm work to do, or you could work on something around the house with him. He might suggest knitting or sewing or some other handicraft you enjoy. It always makes him feel better to buckle down and use his hands for something.

If you're still preoccupied/upset by the time you two bed down, or heaven forbid the next morning, then he starts taking it more seriously. Something that disturbs you for that long is bad news. He'll watch you carefully the next couple days to see how you're doing, waiting for you to need him for something.

Bubba Sawyer

Like Tommy, Bubba has been on the receiving end of anger many, many times, so he's familiar with what it looks and feels like. Despite his size, he's still susceptible to physical violence at the hands of his loved ones, so he's very wary of anger.

However, he doesn't have a female presence in his life like Luda Mae, who expresses her anger through passive aggression—so, he's more used to shouting and screaming. If you aren't prone to screaming and shouting, it might take a little bit for him to realize you're not just sad or upset, you're angry.

Bubba will be over you. He'd give anyone else their space because he'd be afraid of retaliation, but you're his special person, and he's pretty sure you're not going to hurt him. He'll touch your hair, your arms, your wrists; he'll babble as he tries to figure out what's wrong. He just wants to comfort you and let you know everything is all right.

If it's too much or you're overwhelmed and you snap at him, he'll ease back. He'll blubber like a kicked puppy, but he won't give up. He'll still try to comfort you, just in other ways, such as getting you a comfort item or article of clothing, or maybe some food. And boy will he helicopter.

There's no need to tell Bubba what's wrong. In fact, it might be better if you didn't; if it's something he can't fix, it would do nothing but majorly stress him out. If it was one of his family members who upset you, as with Tommy, he wouldn't be able to do much. Even if you were hurt, he's just not in a position to stand up for you. That fact would absolutely kill him, though. He'd end up getting even more upset than you.

He doesn't know what help to offer you beyond comfort, but like Tommy, if you requested something specific, he'd try to carry out your wishes. He'll also try to cheer you up with some music and dancing, or just being silly like you like.

Need to blow off steam? He's got plenty of coping mechanisms! Bubba's idea of a perfect de-stress session is turning up the radio and getting lost in crafts. He's got lots of supplies, mostly to create clothing and accessories, and you're special, so you can have your pick. A drive and the radio might be nice, too. If neither of those appeal to you, he'll try cooking or baking with you. He loves sharing the kitchen with someone.

If none of that works and you're still upset, be prepared, because he's gonna be an anxious mess until you're better.

Brahms Heelshire

Brahms is somewhat familiar with other people's anger. He certainly has a whole fountain of internalized anger brewing just beneath the surface, but that's different. He knows that when Mummy is angry, she yells and cries, and when Daddy is angry, he seethes and stews. The former would be obvious to him, but the latter would take him a few minutes to be quite sure about. You're not acting how you usually do. Are you being stern or are you angry? Are you cross with him?

He does not have a lot of empathy for other people, so if your anger gets in the way of his routine or the attention he wants, he'll be irked, cranky, sad. Not necessarily at you—though that is possible—but the situation in which you find yourselves.

Much like Bo, he's allowed to have big, messy feelings, but it makes him uncomfortable and scared when other people have those feelings. He might even hide from you for a while, especially if you screamed and cried.

Once he realizes something is really wrong and you're not mad at him, however, he'll start thinking of ways to cheer you up so things can go back to normal. He hates having his routine interrupted; he's very particular. And he cares for you, so seeing you in distress is very scary and uncomfortable for him.

He'll start by fetching you something you like—something manageable for him like your favorite juice or a sandwich, or if you have a special item or article of clothing, that. He's quite shy, though, and like I said, he'll probably be hiding, so he'll leave it somewhere he knows you'll find it (on the bed, outside your door, on your desk, etc.)

If that doesn't calm you down and your anger is really getting in the way of his routine, or otherwise making him uncomfortable, he'll finally make an appearance. Very bashful and timid at first, using his little boy voice. "What's wrong, Y/N? Did something bad happen?"

If it's something that can't be helped, he'll suggest you do something together to take your mind off it (most likely something he likes to do). He may even be coaxed into taking a walk around the grounds, though he doesn't like to leave the manor at all, so you'd have to convince him. He prefers quiet playtime, maybe some coloring books or loud music to vent your emotions. It would intrigue him to see someone else use his toys to calm down. As long as you recognized he was being very nice, sharing them.

If it was an argument you had with someone, he would want more information. Are they likely to leave you alone, or will they come to the manor? Will he have to deal with them? Because it's scary, but he'll do it for you.

If, for some reason, none of those things work, he may cry or throw a fit. Either way, he'll be frustrated. Adult Brahms may make an appearance and try to help you in more Adult ways.

Erik

Though he lives five cellars beneath an opera house now, Erik hasn't always been entirely reclusive. Even these days, when he can stomach it, he sometimes goes out to see the world. As a younger man, he observed people's lives and moods with a hungry fascination (that has now mostly been replaced by melancholy and longing and bitter anger). Like several of the other slashers here, he's had to train himself to sense fury to protect himself. He's also incredibly wrathful, so you could call him an expert!

He has a very keenly honed sense when it comes to you specifically, since he's watched you so much. He notices the change in your demeanor immediately.

If you know him as the "Angel of Music," his voice will appear to you once you're alone, asking you what's wrong and assuring you you can confide in him—he will insist you tell him, though. "There are to be no secrets between us, Y/N." He will listen without interjection as you vent your heart out, and when you're done, soothe you. Don't let his calming voice deceive you, though; behind that mirror, he's seething, planning to take matters into his own hands.

If you know him as Erik, he will go to you the second he recognizes the shift in your mood and take you from what you're doing, regardless of your wishes. He'll sit you down, kneeling before you with your hands in his, and gaze into your eyes, imploring you to tell him what's wrong. He'll absolutely allow you physical comfort, but he will also absolutely insist you tell. He'll need reassurance that you're not angry at him, because that thought would break his heart.

He will let you vent however you wish. You could have the most dramatic breakdown ever—throwing things, beating your fists on his chest, wailing—and he wouldn't judge you. He would be awfully concerned, though.

Will be 110% on your side. You are his poor little meow meow. "My poor love, my poor Y/N!" He is beside himself with sympathy for you and you only, and is very offended on your behalf.

He will always suggest music as an outlet for your anger, but he will have taken note of your other hobbies and interests as well. He'll fetch your things for you without being asked, as long as it won't separate him from you for very long. If you'd rather just have comfort, that's fine, too. He could hold your hand and caress your face for hours on end under normal circumstances, so no problem there. He may also suggest a little time on the surface, if you normally live in his home. Fresh air will do you both good, he reasons, and he enjoys spending time with you where others can witness it. It fills him with pride and love.

Otherwise, he's at your service for any other soothing activities you need. A calming bath, some sweets, shopping, anything. Perhaps avoid asking for any sexual contact, however. First of all, being asked directly makes him very skittish and nervous; second of all, his method of love-making (when you can coax him) is very intimate and tender, which may be tedious if you're in an angry mood.

Unless the situation is extremely serious or dire, his first priority is making sure you're soothed. Once that duty is fulfilled, however, he is absolutely angrier about it than you are. If it's not that serious, he won't skip straight to killing, if only because he knows it upsets you. He will definitely be writing an extremely strongly worded letter, however. If someone slighted you seriously, they're getting threatened. If someone hurt you physically, they're meeting the Punjab lasso.

Deacon Billings (OC Ghostface)

Deacon definitely knows when people are angry. His step-mom was a passive-aggressive laundry-folder and his dad was a storming out of the house kinda guy; when the two of them were together, they were all hushed but heated arguments at night when they thought he couldn't hear them, or else extremely embarrassing passive-aggressive arguments in public. Growing up, he found himself around a lot of angry people. And there's no shortage of anger in him, either.

So yeah, Deacon knows when people are pissed, and he knows when people are pissed at him. The thing is, he just thinks it's fucking hilarious. He was that kid that would goad peers and teachers just to be an asshole and had virtually no friends as a result. He's a menace on the internet, too: a horrible troll for no reason, stirring the pot even when he doesn't have a stake in the argument. He's trained himself to find people's weak spots so he can strike at them. He does it to make himself feel more in control of his life and his own anger.

So when you're ticked off, he's gonna notice the change immediately. If you made a vent post on social media, he probably knows you're angry before you even see him. He follows all your social media (even if you don't realize it) and checks it constantly. He'd call you out of curiosity to ask what happened. He's open about his stalking tendencies: "I saw your post, babe, who do I need to stab?"

If you otherwise come home angry, he'll be up on his feet, following you around the house and pestering you, trying to get you to tell him what's wrong. If you try to hug him, he won't push you away, but he'll be distracted, trying to needle answers out of you the whole time.

There's no question in his mind as to whether or not you're angry at him. He just assumes you're not; he has a pretty good handle on how you act when you're angry at him specifically.

He'll let you rant all day if you want. You could talk about the shit that's pissed you off for hours and he'd still listen. Outwardly, he might poke you a bit and play devil's advocate for the other side of the argument, if there is one. This is purely for the purposes of being a little shit.

Internally, he's already going down his pre-murder checklist. If it was someone at work, they're dead. Someone in the neighborhood, dead. Online? It'll take a couple days, but they're dead. Even if you're not angry at anyone in particular, just a situation, he'll find someone to menace. He'd walk through fire for your approval.

He's not good with soft, emotional comfort, so instead he'll try to think of something to help you let off steam. His go-to is something competitive, especially if it involves you chasing each other. A Nerf or water gun war, a PVP game with you on opposite sides. He'll put up a good fight, but you always kick his ass.

Once the immediate situation is addressed and you've ranted your heart out to him, he can't keep his hands off you. "Seeing you all pissed off drives me crazyyyyyy." He's grinning, brown eyes sparkling. "Come onnnnn ... I'll get it off your mind!"

Courtney Dwayne Delmont (OC)

Courtney is a hunter of all manner of game, so he's used to interpreting non-verbal cues and body language—when an animal is in distress, when an animal is about to attack, etc. His grandfather was a very angry man, as well, in a simmering sort of way. He would seethe about something before suddenly delivering one decisive strike. Courtney himself is not a particularly angry man, unless some prey is really giving him a hard time, but he can read your body.

If you come home angry, he'll stop in the middle of what he's doing and watch you, still and quiet, just confirming his suspicions. If you leave the room he's in to go collapse on the sofa or something, he'll follow you, looming over you and waiting for you to tell him what's wrong. He's patient.

If you want to vent, he'll sit and listen thoughtfully, doing something with his hands while you speak—probably cleaning his gun or some other weapon. He doesn't look at you. He wouldn't demand greater context to the situation but he would ask "Why?" and "Who?" until he understood Enough.

If you want comfort, he'll sprawl on the couch and let you lay on top of him. He'll probably pull a blanket on top of you to try and encourage a nap. If the nap doesn't make you feel better, he's feeding you protein. Do you like homemade jerky?

Sex is also on the table (not literally ... unless). He's found it's a great way to blow off steam, and he's more than happy to make all worries, troubles, and other thoughts go away for a little bit. Expect that to be the rest of your night, though, because he doesn't do quickies.

Generally, he trusts you to handle your own shit, so he would be more focused on you than whatever made you feel the way you do. However, if days passed and you were still angry/upset/sad, or if it plunged you into a breakdown or was an otherwise extremely serious situation ... just give him a target. It's up to you, but if you tell him to take the shot, it'll be quick and clean. If you're unable to make the decision, he'll decide for you without hesitation.

Kathleen Montgomery (OC)

I'm still developing her so this one won't be as in-depth and is subject to change.

Kath makes it her business to know everything about you. Chances are she's seen you explode screaming while stalking you ... chances are, if you've been in a relationship for a while, she's made you explode screaming. She knows what you look like when you're angry. Besides, she's strong for her size, but she often has to take down people who are much bigger and stronger than her; she uses manipulation and trickery to help ease that divide, so she's good at reading people.

Like Deacon, she also monitors all your social media, so if you made a vent post, she already knows you're in a shitty mood before you come home. Unlike Deacon, she doesn't tell you how she knows, so you're left to assume she's just all knowing. Considering her god complex, that works for her.

She'd probably text you to come home, and she expects you to answer. If you're unable to come home, she'll call you to ask what's wrong.

Once you're together, she wants to know everything about the situation. Even as you're speaking, she's already on her phone or laptop, looking up the people involved. Instead of getting mad on your behalf, she laughs. She's a fan of emphasizing how pathetic or weak the opposition is.

She takes your feelings on the subject seriously, but everyone else in the situation? Insects. Not even worthy of your time or concern, let alone hers. You're obviously in the right here (even if you're not). She'll tell you as much, and say some pretty intense, over-the-line things about whomever/whatever you're angry at.

Overall, however, she's calm and collected about the situation. Your bout of anger is a chance to get you to be reckless with her. She'll do your hair and makeup and dress you up nice, then take you out. Fast driving, drinking, baiting people at bars, menacing neighborhoods ... maybe a little killing, if you'd like.

***

Masterlist

[you-are-my-joy]

The Return of an Empress | 07

Title: The Return of an Empress

Pairing: OT7 x Reader

Genre: Isekai, Angst, Romance, Fluff, Smut (Later on), Slow burn

Characters: Empress!Reader, Advisor!Jin, Advisor!Yoongi, General!Hoseok, Advisor!Namjoon, Assassin!Jimin, Knight!Taehyung, Knight!Jungkook

Word count: ~9k

Summary: After one fateful night, you find yourself transmigrated into your favorite novel as the Empress that shares the same name as you. As a bookworm, most would think you’d be happy, but how could you be happy when the Empress you’ve become is expected to be killed in three months. The only thing on your mind now is to learn how to survive.

Warning: May contain depictions of violence and mentions of abuse throughout the story.

Masterlist 

<< previous chapter  | ♡ |  next chapter >>

In the 380th imperial year, on June 9th, two days after the nobles were caught red-handed and thus apprehended, was the day of the largest massacre of high nobility in the history of the empire. 

At 8 am in the morning, a total of 18 of some of the most well-known and influential nobles of the empire were executed by the city plaza.

With tired steps, you trudge inside your bedroom, immediately falling onto the comfort of your bed. You let out an exasperated sigh, tossing your head back until it rests on a nearby pillow. Despite getting rid of the duke and the rest of the nobles, you can’t help but still feel a sense of unease and tension. Would the original empress make the same decision? You don’t know the answer, but what you do know, is that you’ll most likely be haunted by the cries and screams of those who lost their lives today for the rest of your life.

It’s one thing to actually read of the graphic murders and deaths that occurred in the novel, it’s a whole different story when you actually experience and see first hand how gruesome the public executions truly were. Back in your world, you’ve never witnessed anyone’s death before, as it was the 21st century, public executions were prohibited decades ago. But suddenly you had to endure an entire morning witnessing the horrifying deaths of 18 people as their heads detached from their body, a large pool of blood staining the once clean pavement. 

You weren’t keen on torturing people, so you were merciful in the sense that you chose to execute them through a beheading, with a fresh and sharpened axe to be exact. In this world, beheadings, although gruesome and bloody, were seen as the most ‘humane’ form of execution as the deed would be done in one swift motion, a painless execution to some extent. 

You remember hearing many of the nobles and commoners who attended the public executions express their disappointment at your choice, thinking you were being much too kind considering the heinous crime they committed. Despite their disappointment, they were slightly relieved over your choice, many were still skeptical over the empress’s supposed changed behavior, but seeing you wince and grimace at each beheading finally convinced them otherwise. 

News spread like wildfire around the empire about what had occurred at the party, news articles being published nearly a day later. The most popular topic of course being the Grand Duke himself drugging the empress, and so countless of nobles all around the empire scurried to watch the spectacle. Thus, the grand finale of the execution came when former Grand Duke, Lee Joong-Gu finally stepped forward. 

Many people had looked at him in disgust, throwing rotten fruits and vegetables his way and cursed out his name. The entire time, he wore a solemn expression as he kneels down without complaint unlike the rest of the criminals who wailed pathetically until their last breath. 

You remember that in the midst of it all, he had looked up at you, your eyes instantly locking with one another, and you swear from where you stood, you saw a hint of remorse and guilt in his face. Your mind reeling as he tearfully mouths ‘I’m sorry’ to you, but before you could even react any further, the axe gets raised in the air and in the next second is swung down with much force. His head rolling down the pavement as the cheers of the crowd rang out excitedly at the gruesome sight. 

However, the cheers seem to fade from your ears as all you can focus on is the dukes rolling head. And somehow it stops, facing in your direction, empty eyes that were once so full of life, ingraining themselves in your memory forever. You blink away the tears forming in your eyes, confused as to why your body was reacting like this. You flinch as you stare at his body slumped over, but your view gets blocked when Jungkook steps in front of you.

The entire morning, Jungkook and Taehyung have been right beside you, acting as your escorts as you had requested. Always attempting to block your view when they noticed your grim and disgusted expressions at each beheading. Jin and Namjoon were also present, but they stood a few meters away from you, ensuring that the executions ran as quickly and smoothly as possible. Hoseok was present as well, but as the general, he was in charge of security and surveying the city plaza, prioritizing your safety over everything else.

The only ones who hadn’t shown up were Yoongi and Jimin. Yoongi, you had expected, though you had a glimmer of hope that he would make an appearance, but Jimin? You thought he would come to greet you after the party, but you haven’t seen him since he left you by the ballroom doors. You were extremely worried, thinking something bad had happened to him, but Namjoon reassured you that he was fine as he had ran into him the other day. He further informs you that Jimin wasn’t feeling good, which explains his sudden absence. Though you remained unconvinced, you choose to give Jimin his needed space, thinking it would be better for him to come to you when he was ready.

When the executions were over you stood up from your seat, ready to leave the area in a hurry as the overwhelming stench of blood nearly made you puke on the spot. But suddenly you heard loud cheers as everyone directed their attention to you, “All Hail Empress Y/n!” many of them yelled out, grinning at you as they praised your actions. 

You hadn’t expected to be well received so quickly, since less than a week ago, some of these same people trembled in fear over your presence. You send them a charming smile to express your gratitude, but this only seemed to ignite something in them as they seemingly cheered your name even more.

Despite the cheering, all you wanted to do was go back to the palace and rest. So here you are, groaning as you lay flat on the spacious bed. You feel the bed dip slightly to your left, prompting you to open your eyes to see Jungkook looking down at you with a small smile. “How are you feeling?” he reaches his hand out to gently brush a strand of hair in front of your face. 

“Absolutely exhausted,” you let out a groan, closing your eyes once more. And you weren’t only talking about the past few days. It seemed that you were never truly able to catch a break the moment you arrived in this world. You can’t even imagine the amount of work the past empress had to endure. 

Taehyung, having found comfort in your couch situated in the middle of your grand bedroom, hums at that, “Mentally or physically exhausted?”

You scoff before letting out a yawn, “Both.” 

Jungkook nods as he moves his hand away from your face to lazily trace shapes on the palm of your hand, “I'm sorry to hear that your majesty,” he replies, sending you a pitiful look, as he notices traces of stress and exhaustion written on your face.

Still with your eyes closed, you rest for a moment, “It’s fine. This is my duty as the empress.”

Jungkook nods, “I understand, but before you’re an empress, you’re a human. You need to rest, your majesty,” he says, concern laced in his voice as he continues tracing odd shapes on your palm. 

Though after a while, you’ve come to the realization that rather than shapes, he was actually tracing your name on your skin.

You open your eyes to stare at Jungkook who was too distracted writing your name to pay attention to your gaze. You just stare when a sudden thought crosses your mind, “Hey Jungkook, can you try calling me by my name?”

Jungkook seems to freeze in his spot, his hand stopping right above yours as he stares at you with wide eyes, “Pardon?” this seems to gain Taehyung's attention as well when you see him from the corner of your eye snap his head instantly in your direction.

You shrug, sitting straight up now facing him. Both your faces nearly inches apart that Jungkook instantly blushes and shifts a bit further away from you to calm his racing heart, though you take that gesture as discomfort instead, “What’s wrong? You don’t want to?”

Jungkook stutters as he waves his arms in front of his face in an ‘X’ shape motion, “N-No, It’s not that I don't want to… but why are you suddenly asking that of me?” Both Jungkook and Taehyung stare at you in a mixture of confusion and interest since they haven’t addressed the empress by her name in nearly 3 years. Not after she had scolded the both of them until they complied to her wishes. 

“I figured we might as well go back to our old ways you know?” you suggest, but after taking in their shocked reactions you quickly add, “Of course if you’re uncomfortable with my request then I don’t want to force you to do anything. But I do give you permission to call me by my name when it’s just us.”

Jungkook turns his head to Taehyung as they look at each other wearily, as if doubting your words and thinking this was all just one big test. He hesitantly turns back to you, “Is that truly alright?” he asks while fidgeting nervously with his hand. 

“Of course it is,” you smile reassuringly, your eyes staring at him in anticipation, “will you?” You ask, you try to hide your excitement in order to not pressure him, but who were you kidding, it’s practically written on your face.

Jungkook’s lips curve upward slightly as he couldn’t deny your request, especially when your golden eyes shined brightly at him, “Yes…. Y/n…” though he had said it in a shy whisper, you still heard him loud and clear. You didn’t think hearing your name come out of his mouth would affect you so much but you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling widely. It’s times like these that you’re extremely grateful for sharing the same name as the old empress. 

“Woah that’s not fair,” you turn your head to find Taehyung with his arms crossed, playfully glaring at you both, “why does he get special treatment and I don't?” 

You chuckle as Taehyung's pout reminds you of a child who got their toy taken away and wants it back. Your amusement grows even more as you sit back and watch Jungkook be equally as childish when he sticks his tongue out at the older knight. And Taehyung, the ever mature knight, mimics his actions in return. 

You grin at the older knight, wanting nothing more than to ruffle his hair, “this applies to you as well Taehyung.” 

Taehyung finally turns to you after seemingly having a contest with Jungkook on who can contort their face in a mocking way better, “thank you… Y/n,” he replies softly with a gentle smile now on his face. 

They’ll admit, addressing you by your name sounded strange coming out their mouth, but they couldn’t deny the nostalgic and warm feeling in their chest when they finally did. And your smile definitely brightened their day even more.

“Y/n.” you hear Jungkook call out softly, though he flinches when he gains your attention. 

You furrow your eyes in confusion at his odd reaction, “Yes?”

You notice his cheeks glow with a tint of red, “Sorry, it’s nothing. I just wanted to say your name in front of you,” the ending of his sentence becoming a soft whisper as he was embarrassed to have been caught by you. But he should’ve known better than to believe your ears wouldn’t catch him. 

You have to mentally slap yourself to stay calm and composed as to not squeal in delight to embarrass him further. So to spare him, you fight back a giggle as you beam back at him, “you’re more than welcome to call me by my name anytime you want Jungkook.” Gaining a wide smile from him in return.

“Y/n?” Taehyung suddenly calls out, causing you to face him now. Though he chuckles at your raised brow, “I’m not just calling out your name, I genuinely have a question.” You chuckle right back, nodding your head, gesturing to him to ask his question. “Are you still feeling sick?” You understand he wasn’t referring to earlier, rather he was talking about your symptoms from withdrawal. 

Thankfully after properly taking medication daily or as suggested by the royal physician, you’ve been experiencing a lot less symptoms as the days go by. Joy reminding and ensuring that you actually took them definitely helped with the process. 

You nod sending him a soft smile, “no, I’ve been feeling a lot better nowadays. Though, I’ll admit I kind of want to throw up. But I’m pretty sure the main perpetrator to that is the blood.” Despite having left the plaza awhile ago, you seemingly couldn’t get rid of the stench of blood in your nose. Even just the thought of it makes you involuntarily gag. 

Jungkook softly chuckles, “from being in countless battles, you’d think you’d get used to the sight of blood,” he jokes with a teasing glint in his eyes as he grew bold enough to hold your hand after tracing on it for so long.

You stare down at your joined hands, his large ones nearly covering yours completely. You feel him squeeze your hand lightly prompting you to look up at his mischievous grin as he caught you staring. You playfully roll your eyes, “it’s been awhile, alright, I forgot,” you grumble.

Though Taehyung hums at that as leans his head back on the soft cushions of the couch, “you seem to be using that excuse quite often,” he mutters, not looking you in the eye, but instead choosing to stare out your window.

At his statement, you gulp nervously. You immediately take note from the corner of your eyes the prying look of Jungkook as his hold on your hand seems to tighten. 

But before you could come up with yet another excuse, you hear a knock at your door. Someone was definitely looking out for you as you had no idea how to respond without you being even more suspicious than before. 

You sit up straight, briefly glancing at your knights who refuse to look you in the eye before calling out, “come in.” You quickly let go of Jungkook’s hand causing the boy to snap his head in your direction before his shoulders seemingly drop. Though he doesn’t say anything more as the doors to your bedroom open wide.

Soon enough, the double doors reveal Hoseok, Namjoon and Jin. They bow out of respect before briefly making eye contact with Jungkook and Taehyung, to which they send a curt nod, acknowledging each other’s presence.  

For some reason, you felt a shift in the air as the three men stepped into the room. As if they were... hostile? But that doesn’t make sense, you question. Shouldn't they be on good terms with each other? You thought, but you were so wrong when you could feel the tension around you. Something unspoken between the five males. 

You understand that you haven’t known these men for long, but even you could tell that there was a sudden shift in their relationship. You saw it in the ballroom and now your suspicions are confirmed when you observe their body language in front of you.

After many moments of silence, Namjoon finally turns his attention to you, “more of those journalists keep requesting for your time your majesty,” he reports, only now do you notice his tired eyes. He must’ve been dealing with those journalists since he got back, and from what you know, they’re almost as ruthless as those in high society. 

But before you could respond, you hear Taehyung let out an annoyed groan from where he sat, “They bombarded her all throughout the morning, can’t they give her a break?” he scowls when turning his head out the window as he caught a glimpse of those pesky reporters from the border of the palace walls. Their cameras steadily aimed at the palace, hoping to capture a lucky shot of the empress. 

“It’s alright, I can handle them,” you reply, having already mentally and physically prepared yourself for this since you knew this would be a hot topic in the empire. A topic that the reporters wouldn’t let go of until they were satisfied. But just as you were about to stand from the comfort of your bed, you feel a hand gently rest on your shoulder, prompting you to turn and find Jungkook staring at you in concern. 

“Y/n, you need to rest,” Jungkook says softly, “you truly did look sick early, maybe it's from withdrawals or maybe it's from the blood, who knows, but I think it’s best you rest for the day.” You knew it would be hard to go against Jungkook, especially when he had that determined look in his eyes. Though that wasn’t what everyone else was thinking as his statement piqued their interest. 

“Y/n?” Jin questions loudly. He had thought he was hearing things, but by the looks on Namjoons and Hoseok's faces, he indeed did hear correctly. Jungkook had addressed you by your name. 

The boy blushes, not having realized he had blurted out your name in front of them. But before he could explain himself, Taehyung beat him to it.

“Y/n gave us permission to call her by her name,” he boasts with his head held high as if he was bragging about some great achievement he got. Which in a way, it kind of was. 

Hoseok raises his brow as he turns to look at you now, “may I know why?”

You clear your throat, “well, when I got rid of the alcohol and drugs in my system, I wanted to make things right and go back to how they were before. So I gave them permission to address me by my name like old times,” you reply confidently, having already prepared an answer for this question long ago. 

Though after some time, Hoseok’s blank face shifts, “I see,” he replies with a smile, but you knew better than to trust that, you knew hidden in that expression was a man that still had doubts despite witnessing the downfall of the nobles before his own eyes. You had thought Namjoon would be the one you needed to be careful of, but it seems you were wrong in that sense as you become anxious at Hoseok’s judging stare. 

Jin clears his throat, an attempt to get rid of the growing tension in the room, “we also came to discuss plans regarding the property of the nobles as well as what's to come with their families and who would be the ones to take their positions,” he pauses before nodding his head in Hoseok’s direction, “we brought along Hoseok in case military services were needed.”

You nod, though you couldn’t help but wonder, “Where’s Yoongi?” 

Jin stills for a moment before tilting his head, visibly confused from your question, “why are you suddenly asking for him?”

Now it’s your turn to be confused as you furrow your eyebrows, “Because he’s also one of my advisors,” you answer as if it was obvious. 

As if sensing your confusion, Namjoon responds, “pardon our rudeness, your majesty. You just don’t normally call on him for these types of things.”

Now you’re even more confused than before, “I don’t?”

Namjoon nods his head in confirmation, “I believe it’s because he’s not from nobility, that it may hinder and influence his judgment on these types of cases,” he explains in the nicest way possible. 

Dumbfounded, you remain seated on your bed, “I see,” is all you could utter. You knew that out of the 8 of you, the only ones who came from nobility were Namjoon, Jin, and Hoseok. Their families were one of the few nobles who secretly opposed the former emperor, which made it easy for the main character to gain their support in the rebellion. There’s no doubt that Hoseok’s military family, Namjoon’s intelligence, and Jin’s abundant wealth, had an immense influence on the success of the rebellion. 

Of course that’s not to say that the others are any less important. Jungkook and Taehyung were among the best of the best in terms of strength and fighting, not to mention Jimin being an ace when it came to agility and swiftness. They had the skills to go against opponents 10 times their size, and yet somehow win. The three were known to be the best fighters in the empire, after the empress herself of course. Afterall, they learned everything they knew from her. 

Yoongi on the other hand, proved himself to be worthy to stand by the empress’s side as an advisor due to the fact that when it came to forming tactics, he always had the perfect plan to go along with every scenario. Much of the rebellion's success was derived from the various attack plans that Yoongi came up with.

He also knows how to handle her the best out of them all. He knows how to approach her when she gets mad or upset. And he is one of the few people who isn’t afraid to go against her if he needs to, only with her and the empire’s best intentions in his mind. 

But when it came to politics, Yoongi had a harder time due to the fact that he was just a village boy who didn’t receive the same amount of education as Namjoon or Jin. Granted neither did Y/n, having been born from the same village, but she was so determined to become the empress that she worked strenuously day in and day out in order to fit the role. Having Namjoon as her teacher definitely helped the process run smoothly. 

Sure Yoongi isn’t as book smart as Namjoon, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t smart at all. You know that despite things being said about him, his words and inputs at national council meetings have proven to be of great help to the empress and the empire in the past. 

And so without another word, you stand up from your bed with a newfound determination. 

Jungkook and Taehyung eye you in concern. “Y/n?” Jungkook asks, reaching out to hold your hand, causing you to stop in your tracks. 

“I’m going to go and personally find Yoongi. Regardless of our differences, he’s still my advisor, and his presence is just as important as every single one of you.” You feel Jungkook loosen his grip on you, allowing you to slip away from his grasp. 

“Shall we escort you there?” Jungkook asks tentatively, while Taehyung had already stood up, prepared to follow you on your command. 

But instead, you shake your head, “Considering what transpired last time, I don’t think it’d be wise to bring either one of you two along,” Jungkook rubs the back of his neck while Taehyung turns away as they’re both suddenly reminded of the way they had behaved towards Yoongi. Although they were opposed to the idea of you going alone, they couldn’t argue with your statement, since even they don’t know how they would react if they were in each other's presence again. 

“I’ll accompany her majesty,” Hoseok suddenly speaks up with a raised hand, resulting in everyone turning their heads in his direction, “I think it should only be fair after all,” he pouts, lowering his hand to cross both his arms across his chest. 

Namjoon raises a brow at his claim, “Fair?”

Hoseok nods as he accusingly points at every man in the room other than himself, “Every single one of you have spent more time with her than me, that's why I think it’s only fair if I escort her,” he declares with a puff of his chest. 

Taehyung scoffs at him, “Can you blame us? We’re her escorts, of course we’re going to spend more time with her,” he fights back a roll of his eyes due to Hoseok being of a higher rank than him. 

“Exactly, so I hope you don’t mind me stealing your ‘Y/n’ for the time being,” and before you could even utter a word, Hoseok strides towards you, reaching for your arm and practically begins dragging you out the room, “see you boys later!” 

Jin shakes his head disapprovingly as he watches Hoseok roughly pull you, “would you be more careful with her majesty!” 

Hoseok scoffs, “She’s not weak,” he responds as he turns around abruptly, your chest nearly colliding with his if it weren’t for his arms steadying you. 

“I agree, but she’s also not a ragdoll that you could just push around as you please,” Jin snaps back at him, eyes narrowing at the grip on your arm.

Namjoon nods his head at this, “Indeed. Be more gentle Hoseok,” he warns sternly as he shifts his body towards the both of you intimidatingly. 

And you don’t even need to turn around to know Jungkook and Taehyung were both shooting daggers at the general. 

Hoseok sighs and finally lets go of you with his arms raised above his head in defeat, “alright alright I get it. I’ll keep my hands to myself.” Though the men in the room only stare at him with unconvinced expressions as he smiles innocently right back.

You stifle a laugh at their reactions and begin to turn to leave, “we’ll be leaving then,” at this you turn to stare at each one of them, “while I’m gone. Behave.”

Taehyung scoffs, crossing his arms as he plops back down on your couch, “We’re not children Y/n.” But his pout tells you otherwise.

The corners of your lips quirk upward in amusement, “could’ve fooled me.”

He turns to you with an offended expression, mouth wide open and before he could give you a piece of his mind, you scurry out the door with Hoseok tailing right behind you. 

“Y/n!” You hear Taehyung’s voice yells out as he appears by the doorway in a matter of seconds. 

You turn around and almost laugh at his dumbfounded expression. Though, you nearly trip over your own two feet if it weren’t for Hoseok skillfully reaching out and steadying you. You quickly thank him before looking back towards your door to now find the rest of the men staring back at you. 

“We’ll set up a proper meeting tomorrow! See you boys then!” You call out before you’re reaching for Hoseok’s hand. He widens his eyes for a moment staring down at your joined hands before he feels you pull on him in the direction you were running to. 

You could still hear their protests coming from your bedroom as both you and Hoseok run away. But Hoseok can’t help but be more focused on your angelic laughter over everything else. 

“So what did the general want to talk to me about so badly that he wanted us to be alone?” you say finally after creating a fair enough distance from your bedroom.

From the corner of your eye, you see him smirk, “What makes her majesty think I had ulterior motives?” he asks innocently, his pace matching with yours as you both walk down the quiet halls.

You shake your head with a smile, “because you’re Hoseok,” you reply with a teasing glint in your eye. 

Hoseok lets out an offended noise as he dramatically brings his hand to his chest, “That hurts your majesty,” he pouts, “couldn’t I have just wanted to spend some time with you?”

You laugh at this, “Sure, but you and I both know that that’s not the case,” your mouth forming a smile, an attempt to show him you meant no harm. 

Hoseok finally lets the innocent facade fall as a smirk begins to form on his face, “Our empress sure has a sharp mind,” you hum in reply, prompting him to continue speaking,  “you’re right, I did want to talk to you.”

Though after some time walking in silence, he speaks up again, “But I had nothing in particular to talk to you about, I just wanted to see for myself whether you had truly changed or not,” he responds bluntly. 

“Your verdict?” you question with your arms behind your back, a carefree aura surrounding you. 

“Hard to tell for now,” he teases with a wink in your direction, “however, something tells me it won’t be long before I give you my answer your majesty.”

“Well let’s hope it’s an answer we both will like,” a wide optimistic grin now on your face.

Hoseok stares down at you, giving you a small smile in return, “Yes, let’s hope.” 

You two don’t speak for a while, though you can’t say it was awkward. There was a comfortable air between the two of you that you actually didn’t mind walking together in silence. You took this moment to look around the scenery, admiring the window view as you don’t really have much time to do that since Taehyung, Jungkook and even Jimin would often preoccupy your attention, not that you were complaining about their company, you rather enjoyed talking to them. But you can’t help but be grateful for this moment to yourself. So for the time being, you just look out the window, little did you know, Hoseok was staring right at you. 

Hoseok couldn’t help but admire the way the sunlight glows on your skin as if you were an ethereal being. Even the slight quirk of your lips mesmerizes him as he watches you bask in the sunlight. A picture perfect moment that he desperately tries to ingrain in his mind. 

“You know, you’re more than welcome to address me by my name as well Hoseok,” you suddenly speak out, turning your head causing the male to widen his eyes momentarily at your abrupt attention. 

But Hoseok’s eyes soften, giving you a small smile before turning his head straight in front of him yet again, “I’ll keep that in mind... thank you.” 

Neither of you speak again after that, just enjoying each other's company in silence. And after everything that you’ve been through, you didn’t realize that this was exactly what you needed. 

“Hey Yoongs”

The man hums, his eyes closed as he lays comfortably against the grass right beside Y/n.

“You’ll be with me forever right?” the young girl speaks up after some time.

At this, Yoongi opens his eyes as he stares at the far away look in her eyes, “Of course Y/n, where else would I go?” he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, “why do you ask?”

She shrugs looking straight up at the passing clouds, “just making sure,” the wind softly breezing against her hair.

Yoongi nervously laughs as he turns away from her, “Sorry, but it’s gonna take a lot more for you to get rid of me,” Y/n chuckles at this causing the corners of his lips to curve upward at the sound. “Unless I got it all wrong. You’re not trying to run away from me once you become empress are you?” he questions with a teasing tone. Though he had a smile on his face, he couldn’t deny the feeling of anxiety at the possibility of her leaving him.

She scoffs before turning away, “Of course not, what would I do without you nagging me all the time, you’re practically my brother at this point.”

Yoongi feels a pang go across his heart as he faces away from her, “... right… you just see me as a brother huh,” he mumbles, more so to himself but she could still slightly hear him.

She tilts her head in his direction, “hm?”

Though he just shakes his head, “Nevermind,” now sporting a more cheerful expression as he nudges her shoulder playfully, “so suddenly I’m your brother huh?”

She nods her head, turning away from him, focusing her attention back to the sky, “Of course you are, what else would you be?” she genuinely asks.

Yoongi stills for a moment before responding with a long sigh, “Nothing,” he pauses, watching the clouds pass by both him and her as they lay on the grass in peace, “absolutely nothing.”

“Her majesty told me about it and left the job to me,” Jin responds in a tired voice as he lets out a sigh. If he had known accepting the empress’s orders would lead to this, he would’ve never done so in the first place. Because not only does he need to deal with a pile of work, but also a very pissed off Yoongi. 

“Why would she give you all the work and not me?” Yoongi asks, tone slightly offended and irritated. 

“I don’t know Yoongi, why don’t you just ask her yourself,” Jin replies tiredly as he massages his temple at his growing headache. It’s not that he wanted to get rid of Yoongi, but because he himself couldn’t provide him an answer to his question. He too couldn't understand why Y/n would give him all the work instead of him, frankly he wishes she would divide up the work evenly but alas, that doesn’t seem to be the case as every inch of his desk is nearly covered in piles of documents. 

Yoongi lets out a huff of air before standing abruptly. Jin stares at him and widens his eyes when he notices that he’s about to leave. Nervously he stands from his seat as well, “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to ask her myself,” Yoongi replies as if it was the most obvious answer, his hand reaching for the door handle.

Jin gasps, “I wasn’t being serious!” he moves around his desk to grab hold of the advisor.

But Yoongi shakes his head, stepping back from his reach, “I know you weren’t, but you’re right. If I want change to happen, I need to go to her myself,” he watches concern wash over the older male before placing a hand on his shoulder, “don’t worry, I won’t lose my cool,” he says in an attempt to reassure him.

Though both Yoongi and Jin knew he was lying. He was just telling him what he wanted to hear. Jin wanted to stop him, but in the end, he lets it go since he knows that once Yoongi’s got his mind set on something, it was nearly impossible to get him out of it, ”fine, but I don’t want to hear about you getting sent to the dungeons again Yoongi.”

Though Yoongi only chuckles, “I won’t get angry, don’t stress about.”

And boy was he wrong, because it hasn’t even been 10 minutes that he walked into her office until hell broke loose. 

“Just let them handle it Yoongi, why are you so upset, I’ve given you plenty of work before,” she barks angrily.

“I’m upset, because you never give me the same amount of work as them!” He snaps back at her, tone equally as harsh. 

She nearly growls at his attitude, “Would you relax Yoongi, it’s just pieces of paper! If I had known you’d get so fucking irritated over it I would’ve sent the entire pile to you if that’s what you really wanted!”

That’s not what he wanted. He wanted her attention, her trust, he wanted to be the first person she sought out when she needed help.

He wanted her. 

“Y/n-” he gets interrupted when Y/n grabs a pile of documents and throws it in the air in front of him. He watches as the pieces of paper float down everywhere in the room, making it look as if a tornado wrecked havoc in the area. 

“Here! Just do it all for all I care, they’re just damn pieces of papers anyway,” Y/n growls tiredly. Yoongi could not have come at the worst time. Not only did she have to deal with a raging headache, but now her own advisor was yelling in her face far too early in the morning for it to be tolerable. 

She could feel her head ringing at the volume of his voice, but when she told him to leave as she wasn’t in the best mood to argue, he kept refusing stubbornly, insisting she listen to his complaints because apparently what he needed to say was so important to go against her orders. And so when she realized his important reasoning was because he was upset over his workload, her anger only rose from there. 

With her already sour mood, him snapping back at her surely didn’t help his case either.

“I have way too much shit to deal with right now, don’t add onto it Yoongi,” she spats loudly, the piles of paper covering nearly the entirety of the floor around them. 

His shoulder drops, finally coming to terms with everything as he stared into the once cheerful eyes narrow dangerously into tiny slits.

The girl before him, was never and will never be his. 

For the past few days, Yoongi had been actively avoiding not only you, but everyone else. No matter how hard they tried, neither Namjoon or Jin could reach out to him. It was almost as if Yoongi somehow knew just when and where everyone would be to successfully avoid them. 

In the beginning of the empresses reign, no one took him seriously because he wasn’t from noble descent like Namjoon and Jin. when they would attend national council meetings, no one spoke directly to him as if his previous status of a commoner was still intact. And so he had to put on this whole ruthless persona for people to show an ounce of respect for him. He had to exert more effort to prove to everyone that he was equally as worthy as the other two advisors. That he was capable of doing the same amount of work, even if he didn't receive the same strenuous education as them.

And because of the comparison between him and the other two advisors, insecurities were born and shattered his mind. 

So seeing you put your trust in Jin and Namjoon hurt him a lot more than he would like to admit. The fact that they both knew and yet you hadn’t brought it up with him once was like a shot to his heart. 

And yet throughout his time spent alone, Taehyung's voice echoes in his mind.

“When was the last time you ever treated her as one of her advisors? When have you ever truly cared for her majesty?”

He groans out of frustration at the entire situation. Because as much as he hated to admit it, he was right. When was the last time he treated her with respect. Even though the rest of the boys joined the rebellion with him, never once did they blatantly disrespect the empress the way he did. 

And with the current situation, he doesn’t even think he deserves his position of advisor anymore. Never in his life did he imagine that someone was drugging the empress. All this time, he’s been bitterly blaming the empress about the current condition of the empire when in reality, it wasn’t even her fault. He pushed her away when she needed him the most. When she was suffering he unknowingly made things worse. And because of that, he doesn’t even know if he has the courage to face the empress ever again. 

Yoongi freezes when he hears a tentative knock at his door. Slowly, he raises his head from his hands before responding in a loud tired voice, “who is it?” ready to curse out the person on the other side of the door.

“It’s me hyung.” 

Yoongi widens his eyes at the familiar voice that he can’t help but rise from his seat. He carefully walks over and finally opens the door to reveal Jimin’s figure standing before him. For a moment, the two men stand opposite of each other in silence. 

“I need to talk to you,” Jimin finally says. Yoongi nods and steps aside for him to enter, still in complete disbelief that he wanted to speak to him after everything that’s been said between the two in the past month.

As if reading his mind, Jimin turns to him with an uncertain smile, “You’re probably wondering why I'm here,” Yoongi only nods, unable to produce words at this point. Jimin stops at the center of his office before continuing, “I know we’re going through a rough patch right now, but at the end of the day, you’re still someone that I deeply care about. You’re my brother and I’m just worried about how you’re taking the situation,” he explains with a nervous expression. 

Yoongi’s eyes soften, of course they weren’t on good terms at the moment, but Jimin was right, at the end of the day, they’re brothers. He could never truly hate or get mad at him, or any of them for that matter unless they truly betrayed him. 

Jimin wasn’t certain this would be a good idea, unsure how the older male would react to his presence. And so when he hears Yoongi let out a chuckle, although not so enthusiastically, that alone causes Jimin to visibly relax.

Just then, Yoongi lets out a long sigh, “I’ll be honest, I feel like shit. But I know she’s probably going through it way harder than I am,” he finally replies as he rolls his neck.

Jimin nods, “I’m sure she is,” he mutters looking away.

Though Yoongi raises a brow, Jimim’s tone almost hinting at the fact that he doesn’t know about your feelings which was surprising to Yoongi since he knows how close he is to you. At that realization he furrowed his brows, “you haven’t spoken to her, have you?”

Jimin seems to stiffen at his claim, he contemplated lying but knew the older male would see right through him anyway, and so he just shakes his head, “no I haven’t.”

“Why not?”

Jimin lets out a low chuckle, “I wasn’t able to keep a promise with her,” he answers softly, running his fingers through his hair.

Now Yoongi was even more confused than before, he wanted to ask more questions but felt like now wouldn’t be the right time based on the downcasted look on the younger man's face. And so he only nods in return. Though Jimin’s lips quirk up, grateful that he doesn’t push the topic further.

Jimin leans against the back of his couch, crossing his arms, “I saw you that day,” he added, wanting to change the subject. “The day at the ball,” he clarifies when he saw the puzzled look on Yoongi’s face. 

“You attended the ball?”

Jimin shakes his head, “no I was watching from above, her majesty wanted me to be her ‘eyes in the sky’, or something like that,” he pauses before chuckling, “she’s been saying some strange things recently.”

Rather than laughing along with him, Yoongi can’t help but feel annoyed, “Of course you fucking knew about it, too,” he mutters furiously under his breath.

Jimin widens his eyes at his sudden harsh tone, “Pardon?” 

Yoongi scoffs, now stomping his way to his desk, “The empress told you of her plans,” Yoongi uttered with resentment, “everyone but me.” 

And as if the world wanted to continue mocking him, here you appear through the open door, with Hoseok right beside you. You freeze in your spot, when you realize Jimin, who was now staring at you like a deer in headlights, was also present in the room. Despite his surprise, he bows out of respect. Though you can’t say the same about Yoongi.

“What are you doing here,” Yoongi curses at himself, he didn’t mean to take his anger out on you. You just happened to arrive at a bad time. 

Though his cold icy tone doesn’t deter you in the slightest, “I came to inform you that we’ll be holding a meeting tomorrow,” you explain hesitantly, careful not to say the wrong thing to aggravate him even more.

He raises a brow in doubt, “you came here to personally tell me?”

You nod, “the rest of the men wanted to have a meeting regarding the situation, but I didn’t want to attend if you weren’t present.”

Yoongi scoffs, “I'm not some charity case.” Although, Yoongi can’t deny the warm feeling in his chest from what you said.

You stop, taken aback from his words, “Is that what you think you are?” you pause before continuing, “Why do you think you became one of the empress’s advisors?”

Yoongi rolls his eyes at this, “Because you think of me as a brother,” he spats bitterly. 

“No, it’s because you’re one of the few people I trust most in this world, I know we had a bumpy road getting here, but you have to believe me when I say that I trust you,” you insist as you take a step closer into the room.

Though your statement seemed to have ignited a fire in him as he snaps his head to you with narrowed eyes, “If you trust me so much then why didn’t you let me know about this entire situation?!” You jump back at his tone, surprised by how angry he got.

Hoseok steps forward in an instant, “Hyung I had no idea about the drugs either,” he blurts out, trying to dissipate the tension in the room as he moves to stand in between you and Yoongi. 

Jimin nods in confirmation, shifting his body to stand protectively in front of you as well, “he’s right hyung, Hoseok also had no idea what was going on.”

“That may be true, but she still sought your help, no? She needed military strength, she needed someone to hide in the shadows and she went to you two,” he snaps at them. Hoseok shuts his mouth, unable to form words to counter his claim. 

Though it’s not like Yoongi was going to let anyone else speak, not until he was finished, “Where do I come into play? Jin hyung and Namjoon helped with the plan, Jimin looked out for you from above, Hoseok provided the military strength, Jungkook and Taehyung came as your escorts. But what about me?” At this point, Yoongi paces around the room frantically, you try to reach out to him but he jumps back as if your touch would burn him. 

“Why am I always in last place!” He yells at the top of his lungs, “Is it because I wasn’t born into high nobility like Jin hyung? Is it cause I’m not some fucking genius like Namjoon? Or as handsome as Jungkook and Taehyung. Or as confident as Jimin. Or as reliable as Hoseok?” He continues his rant when everyone is too stunned to react.

“Yoon-”

“Why am I never good enough for you!” He shouts, slamming his fist hard on his desk. The room becomes silenced in an instant. The only sounds coming from the broken advisor standing before you. 

“Am I not enough?” He sniffles, his voice cracking as he stumbles, grabbing hold of the corner of the table to stabilize himself. He bows his head low, an attempt to hide the tears forming in his eyes.

You turn to look at Jimin and Hoseok, giving them a solemn look as you nod your head in the direction of the door, wanting to speak to him privately. 

They seem to understand your gesture as they begin to silently make their way out of the room. Although Jimin hesitates for a moment standing by the doorway. He takes one last look at Yoongi and back to you, his expression unreadable before finally closing the door behind him. 

At the click of the door, you turn your head back to Yoongi, your eyes focused solely on him. Carefully, you take slow steps towards him, you don't know if he notices but if he did he didn’t take any further steps away from you. “Yoongi, you are more than enough for me, you have to believe me,” you urge as you stop a few feet away from him. Careful to not overwhelm and crowd around his space. 

His silence urges you to continue, “I just felt like you didn’t want anything to do with me so I gave you your space,” you explain softly, “But you’re still one of my advisors, I should’ve communicated with you better on the situation. I'm sorry.” 

You take a few experimental steps towards him, assessing his reaction carefully because if you saw any indication that he was uncomfortable by the distance, you would step away immediately. But he gave you none. Even when you were now standing in front of him, he didn’t make an effort to move away. Instead, he finally lifts his head, holding your stare as his tears now running down his face. 

You don’t know what got over you, but at the sight of his tears, you find yourself reaching your hand out until they cup his face gingerly. His breath hitches when your hand caresses his cheek, your fingers wiping away the seemingly never-ending tears.

“Yoongi, you’re more than enough for me,” you repeat softly as you stare into his eyes. Almost mesmerized as his glossy eyes shined back at you making it look as though you were staring at the night sky.

You lean your body forward until your arms wrap around his shoulders, bringing him into a tight hug, “I’ll always need you,” you say in a soft whisper. But no matter how quiet you were, he heard you loud and clear.

He sucks in a breath as a sob escapes his mouth. He doesn’t try to fight you, instead, he wraps his arms around your waist instantly, tightening his grip around your body.

But instead of calming down, his sobs grow louder at the feel of your body against his.

Concerned, you try to pull away but Yoongi only tightens his grip around you as he shakes his head. 

“Don’t,” he whimpers softly, clutching onto you tighter as if you would slip away forever, “please don’t leave me. Not yet,” he cries out. Your heart nearly shattering at the sound of his voice cracking. 

Your eyes soften as you once again relax in his arm, your hands rubbing his back reassuringly as he continues to cry, his tears falling onto the nape of your neck. “I won’t,” you soothe gently, “I won’t leave you Yoongi.”

He sniffles once more, “You’re really back?”

You don’t have it in you to respond with a straight answer. You just couldn’t bring yourself to lie to him like that, especially in his current state. Lying to his face knowing that the empress he knew was no longer the owner of this body. That you were a completely different person, but who in their right mind would believe you. 

So instead, you nod softly, reaching a hand to run through his hair. His tears stream down his face as he chokes back a cry at the feel of your nod. 

You smile bitterly, as you have to keep reminding yourself, the girl he loves isn’t you, it’s the empress. He’s not crying for you, he’s crying for her. 

You had seen this coming, but it still hurt a lot more than you had expected. The world for some reason just wouldn’t stop being cruel to you. 

A young man approaches the darkly lit room slowly, the only source of light being the fireplace that’s barely holding onto life as it seems as though it’s about to die out at any moment.

“Master, I’ve come with urgent news,” the boy announced, news so important he fidgets in his spot nervously as he anticipates his reaction. It’s silent in the room, the only sound coming from the crackling of the fire as the wood burns. 

There, sat in front of a large window was the boy’s master, he had not turned around to face him, instead, opting to stare up at the moon as it shines brightly down on him, “Speak,” he commands in a dominating voice.

The boy nods his head, “We received a report confirming the death of Grand Duke Lee Joong-gu as well as Sir Taehyung, Sir Jungkook, and Sir Jimin stepping down from the rebellion.”

The man hums, immensely intrigued by the sudden news, “and the others?”

The boy shakes his head, “there have been no reports being made of the others stepping down as of this moment master, though many speculate it’s just a matter of time at this point.”

The man bellows loudly at that, as he leans back comfortably in his chair, his eyes shining with mirth, “I told that damn duke not to get too greedy and look what happened. He got caught,” he scoffs as he turns fully around, hands crossed on his desk as he traces the letter he had received from the late grand duke a mere few weeks ago in a bored manner, “Seems what that fool said was of concern after all, her majesty has truly changed.”

The boy nods, “What do you suggest we do now?”

He turns back around, admiring the night sky, “tell my men to continue keeping an eye on her majesty. And report everything to me.”

The boy bows, “yes master,” he responds before turning away, ready to inform those of the new orders. 

“Well I’ll be damned,” the man whistles as he leans back on his chair, “so you truly did succeed in changing the story,” he chuckles and with a dangerous glint he stares up at the moon, “I can’t wait to meet you, new empress.”

A/N: Hey guys!! I’m so sorry for taking so long to upload this chapter, I had to focus on my final exams and all the assignments my professors piled on me at the end of the semester. So I tried to finish this chapter as fast as I could!

I hope you’re all happy with how things went in this chapter. Also sorry for all the drama, I just felt like it would be better for the reader and Yoongi to make up instead of making more chapters of them avoiding each other when they could just communicate about their feelings. 

Thank you everyone for supporting and reading my story! I also love receiving all your kind messages so thank you so much for that!

And as always, I hope you have a wonderful day!!

Tagslist: (those in bold, I’m not sure if it worked for you, I’m really sorry, I’m not sure how to fix it) (I also apologize if I forgot to add someone, just comment again and I promise to add you in the next one!!)

@reallysparklychaos, @unknownsageking, @casspirit0705, @fangirl125reader, @silscintilla, @serefara29, @chimtaesty-main, @xxqueenwxtchxx, @diamonddia-mond, @vishakhas-world, @purelyecstacy, @resticou, @woopetals, @magicsweetener, @splaterparty0-0, @daydreambrliever, @strangeobjectmaker, @luna-xial, @m0chilattae, @celaenaelentiyavox, @lindsayjoy444, @layzfeelit, @kimsaerom, @songtiddies, @untamedgrape, @sonnymii, @moonssuga​, @kassandravictoria, @galaxyflab, @blank-et-noir, @nynhope , @midnight1199, @yessii-i, @protontippens, @gguktings, @borahebangtan, @katkrusade, @handsupanddropthepotato, @missseoulite, @cellula-staminale, @red-bow-tie3, @whateveritis616, @ggukkieland, @sbroces, @nnessworls, @yoonieebear

[reidandweep]

Something Bigger Than Us

Spencer Reid x Reader (female)

A/N- Hi guys, I am back after an eventful few months. Had to deal with some personal stuff, but I am back now and writing more! So, to celebrate, heres some fluff with our favourite genius!!

Word Count- 4026 words

Warnings- Fluff, mention of bodily liquids in the case, mentions of murder.

The beauty of love is that, you can fall into it with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time. - Ritu Ghatourey.

Sitting in the subway cart, Spencer indulged in the book in his hands. It had been a gift from Penelope as she had always told him he had to read more fictional works. So, there Spencer was, on his day off, travelling to the science museum and reading ‘The Maze Runner’. He was taking more time than he needed; slowing down his reading speed to prolong the story to fit his entire journey. He was so engrossed that he nearly didn’t notice the subway cart come to a stop and the doors open, a woman walking inside. What made Spencer glance up from the novel in his hands was the slight change of weight near his feet. Looking away from his novel, he didn’t expect to see said woman sitting on the subway cart floor. Spencer glanced around to see multiple seats available, yet there this person was. Sat on the ground.

“Did you want to sit here?”

Spencer had found many women pretty in his life. He had found a few to be gorgeous. But this woman, she was breath taking. As she lifted her gaze to stare into his, Spencer felt a warmth he never felt. A moment. A spark.

The woman smiled up at Spencer.

“No, it’s okay. I quite like sitting on the floor. I can feel the wheels moving more.”

Spencer looked at the woman puzzled.

She couldn’t help but let her smile grow.

“Sit down and feel.”

Spencer’s brain went blank at the woman’s request. He knew how much bacteria there was on the floor and could not imagine doing such a thing as sitting on it.

“On average, more than 9 million people ride the subway every day. That’s 18 million feet on that floor. They could have stepped in anything. The number of bacteria is unimaginable.”

The woman shrugged.

“So, that’s 18 million feet and my butt. At least I can say I enjoyed my subway ride more because I felt the wheels on the tracks.”

The warmth in Spencer’s chest spread the more he looked at her. Before he even realised, Spencer found himself sliding from his seat and onto the subway floor next to her. She was right. You could feel the wheels thumping against the tracks.

“It’s like a heartbeat.”

The woman looked at the floor of the carriage with a smile.

“People ride the subway every day and never think about how amazing it is that this thing was created. That we can hop on something that could take us wherever we desired to in our city. They treat it like it's nothing. But it moves like we do, and it stops like we do.”

The woman looked up at Spencer.

“It has a heartbeat. Just like you and I.”

In his whole life, Spencer had never heard someone describe anything in such a way that made it feel human; that made him feel so human.

“So, where are we going?”

“We?”

The woman smiled and stood from the ground, holding her hand out for Spencer to take. He did so without a thought. It was like being around her made him forget everything.

“Yes, we? I had no plans but then I met you and it seems you had plans so now I do to. So, where are we going mister…?”

Spencer straightened his satchel, his hands gripping the straps. The warmth that had spread from his chest now burnt in the hand he had held hers with for those few seconds.

“My names Spencer. Spencer Reid. I’m actually a doctor but not a medical one. I have three PHD’s and three bachelor’s Degrees, but none of them are remotely medical. I could go into that field if I wanted to but…”

Spencer stopped himself as he realised, he was rambling.

The woman leaned against the pole to her side and looked at Spencer in earnest.

“You were saying you could go into the medical field if you wanted to but…”

She was actually listening to his rambling and she even seemed to be interested.

Spencer’s hands gripped his satchel tighter.

“But I have enough to focus on with work already.”

The woman nodded her head in understanding.

“Well, Dr Spencer Reid, my name is Y/F/N. Y/F/N Y/L/N. My title is just regular old miss. Unfortunately, I have no PHDs, but I do have a bachelor’s degree in Film Studies which I’m presuming is nowhere near exciting as what you have yours in. I could never have gone into the medical field because I hated biology and preferred chemistry at school as I liked drawing the chemical equations more than learning about photosynthesis. The only part I liked about biology was learning about thalidomide, which is really grim, but it was fascinating.”

Whilst she spoke, Spencer couldn’t help but notice the movement of her hands. Her nails on her right hand were painted a different colour to the ones on her left. Just like how he wore different socks on each foot. He liked that they unknowingly matched.

“Now we are no longer strangers, I think you need to tell me where we are going?”

Spencer looked towards the doors and noticed that they were actually soon to arrive to his stop.

“I was going to visit the museum. The next stop is my one.”

Y/N looked at the door and nodded.

“Cool. So, can I join?”

Even though she had already said she was joining him twice, Spencer did not think she actually meant it. He stuttered through his words as his thoughts blazed around his head.

Y/N could see his mind going into overdrive.

“Hey.”

Spencer looked down at the shorter woman in front of him. He wondered why she seemed so worried.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I tend to come off as quite strong but something about you tells me I need to know more. I want to know more. Spend more time with you. I’d love to see the things Dr Spencer Reid, who has three PHDs and was reading one of my favourite books when I hopped on the train, had planned to see today. I will only join you if it is something you want.”

Spencer felt the subway cart come to a stop and saw the doors in his peripheral open.

He was tired of living life through the view of work before anything else. The few moments of happiness he had was taken away by not allowing himself to be spontaneous. To be with them in person. So, for the second time that day, Spencer grabbed a hold of Y/N’s hand, ignoring the facts and statistics of germs and bacteria running through his mind.

Pulling her towards the doors, the pair stepped off the subway cart and onto the platform.

People walked around the pair as they stood facing each other, staring at one another with their hands entwined.

Spencer swallowed the lump in his throat.

“I would like if you would join me to the museum. I would like to spend more time with you too.”

Y/N smiled at Spencer’s words. With the hand still not in his grasp, Y/N lifted her arm towards the subway exist.

“Well, lead the way Dr Spencer Reid.”

Spencer did just that.

In silence the pair walked the short distance from the subway station to the museum. Their hands interlocked at their sides as Y/N looked around at the buildings by them. Spencer couldn’t help but glance towards the woman. He couldn’t understand why he felt so different with her. The warmth in his chest was still there, and it felt as though it was growing and spreading with every breath he took. His hand in her own was something he wished to never lose. It was like being enveloped in the softest blanket known to man. This stranger who sat by his feet on the subway has made him feel more comfortable and step out of his comfort zone more than any of his friends or family ever have. But why?

Coming to the doors of the museum, Spencer opened the door for Y/N to enter before him; letting go of her hand to do so. He felt empty without her hand in his. He couldn’t believe how empty his palm now felt.

“I’ve never been to this museum before.”

Y/N couldn’t help but laugh at the shocked look on Spencer’s face. As though what she said was the most shocking thing he had ever heard.

Before she could even make a joke about his expression, Spencer suddenly turned down a corridor.

“Woah! Slow down Doc!”

Spencer slowed down his pace.

“I’m sorry. It’s just this is my favourite place and I want to show you everything it has to offer.”

Y/N smiled at Spencer’s bashful behaviour. She couldn’t help her own cheeks blushing at the thought that this kind man wanted to show her around his favourite place. To think she had only met him a mere hour before.

Giving Spencer’s a comforting smile, Y/N bumped her shoulder with his own.

“I have a feeling that I am going to learn a lot with you as my tour guide.”

Spencer led the way as they walked through the corridors, reciting information about each exhibit they come across, stuttering when he felt Y/N’s hands brush his own as they walked side by side.

Just as Spencer was about the point Y/N to the next exhibit, he felt her hands slowly clasp around his own. Her smooth fingers fitting perfectly into the gaps between his rough appendages.

“Is this okay?”

Spencer smiled in delight, squeezing her hand in reassurance as he pulled Y/N in the direction they had been heading.

Walking hand in hand down the hall, Spencer silently led Y/N to one of his favourite parts of the museum. As they entered the room, Y/N’s eyes could not miss the large rock exhibited in the middle of the room, people sporadically standing around the object.

“What is that?”

Spencer’s chest became warm at the look of wonder on Y/N’s face as they walked closer to the exhibit.

“That is the Willamette Meteorite. It was found in Oregon and is the largest ever meteorite found in the United States and the sixth largest in the world. The smooth surface melted during its blazing entry into the atmosphere, while the pits formed on the Earth's surface. Iron meteorites form when large enough asteroids have had molten interiors catastrophically collide with other asteroids. These huge collisions blast out material from the molten iron core of the asteroid on orbits that reach Earth after millions of years.”

Y/N continued her wonderous gaze as they let go of Spencer’s hand, walking around the meteorite, taking in every crevice and crater. Spencer could usually spend hours staring at the meteor, but right now he could not tear his haze away from Y/N as she took her time looking at the artefact.

Turning to look at Spencer, Y/N wanted to find out more.

“How was it made? Like is it a piece of something much bigger?”

Spencer looked at the meteorite that stood much taller than all of them.

“The internal structure, made of metallic iron, suggests that billions of years ago, an early planet orbiting the Sun was shattered, perhaps in a collision with another protoplanet. The fragment was probably part of the planet’s iron-nickel core. While planets, including Earth gradually formed and matured, this fragment orbited the Sun. It was hit at least twice by other planetary fragments, knocking it into a collision course with Earth. Over many centuries, rainwater interacting with its iron sulphide deposits produced sulfuric acid, which slowly etched and carved large cavities.”

Spencer waited for a response, but as the seconds passed in silence. Had he freaked her out? Had he gone too far? Spencer moved his gaze from the meteor to Y/N, to see her staring at the meteorite in awe.

“Woah.”

Spencer laughed at her exclamation. His head dipping down to try and cover his reddening cheeks.

“Woah indeed.”

Y/N couldn’t help the blush now invading her cheeks. Walking back towards Spencer, Y/N nudged the genius’s shoulder with her own, gaining his attention. Spencer turned his head to look back at Y/N.

“It’s crazy how we get to look at something that was once part of something much bigger. Something that could have housed life and all sorts of wonderous things and yet, here sits part of its core, on our planet, in one of our museums. Now a part of something much bigger again.”

Spencer and Y/N looked at each other in silence. Taking in the moment and her words. Both of them acknowledging that they too were part of something much bigger, much more meaningful than they had every thought about.

A clicking sound broke the moment.

Turning around, Spencer and Y/N both saw an older gentleman pointing a polaroid camera towards the pair.

Realising that the pair had turned around the gentleman walked up towards them and handed over the picture.

“It still has to develop.”

Y/N looked down at the picture in Spencer’s hand as it slowly developed.

“Can you take another one? Just so we can have one each.”

The man nodded at Y/N question, stepping back to where he stood before.

Y/N moved her hand to clasp Spencer’s once more, tilting her head to lay on his shoulder, a smile blossomed on her face as she looked towards the camera.

Spencer’s own gaze was fixed on her. His eyes taking in the slope of her nose and the feel of her hair tickling his neck. Usually, if he was ever this close to anyone, let alone a woman, he would start to sweat and panic. And yet, all Spencer could feel was what he could only describe as serene. Spencer had never felt serene until now.

Being shaken out of his stare by the click of the man’s camera once more, Spencer looked to see the man handing Y/N the picture as she rummaged through her bag.

“No need to pay me.”

Y/N shook her head.

“I insist.”

The man moved forward, placing his hand on Y/N’s shoulder.

“I gave you the picture because sometimes it is nice to look back where it all began.”

The old man looked Spencer in the eye and gave him a wink, causing Spencer to blush.

“Both of you, enjoy your day, and may I suggest if you get hungry, try Giovani’s Café down the street.”

Spencer cocked his head.

“Is it good?”

The man laughed as he walked backwards, nodded his head.

“I should know, I am Giovanni after all!”

Laughter rumbled from the pair as they watched the older gentlemen walk out the door, his polaroid camera in hand. As their laughter died, Y/N looked down at the now developed picture in her hand. Spencer in turn looked at his own.

The picture was beautiful. With the light from outside cascading through the windows, creating almost a halo of light around the pair, the meteorite had never looked bigger than when Spencer saw the back of his and Y/N’s figures standing in front of it. But what Spencer couldn’t take his eyes away from was the fact that in the picture, Y/N was not looking at the meteorite. She was looking at him. If he looked hard enough, he could see a smile on her face. So soft and so beautiful.

The comforting silence of the pair looking at their polaroids was suddenly shattered when Spencer’s ringtone filled the air. Spencer couldn’t help but let his shoulders drop in disappointment.

“I’m so sorry, I just have to take this.”

Y/N smiled in acknowledgment,

“Go ahead, I’m just going to take a look over here.”

Spencer nodded as he watched her walk across the hall, examining the pictures and their information plaques as he answered his phone.

“Hello.”

“We got a case Pretty Boy. Wheels up in 50 minutes.”

Spencer rubbed his head at Morgan’s voice.

“Okay.”

Morgan could hear the disappointment in Spencer’s tone.

“Are we interrupting something?”

Spencer kept his eyes on Y/N as he took a second to answer.

“Yeah. But I’ll be there in 30 minutes.”

Morgan chuckled.

“Okay, Genius, see you later.”

Spencer hung up his phone. Walking towards where Y/N still stood, he tapped the woman on her shoulder.

As she turned, Y/N took in Spencer’s solemn look.

“Is everything okay?”

Spencer shook his head.

“Work called. I have to leave. I’m sorry.”

Y/N smiled in understanding.

“Work is work, whatever it may be. No need to be sorry. I had an amazing day that I didn’t think I would have.”

Spencer stared Y/N in her eyes, a little smile adorning his face.

“I did too. I have to go. But can we meet again?”

Y/N nodded her head, her own smile lighting her face.

“Yeah. I would like that.

Spencer grinned as he began to turn around, walking towards the corridors exit, waving as he left. He began to walk down the stairs when he suddenly heard his name.

“Spencer, wait!”

Spencer turned around to see Y/N running down the stairs towards him, polaroid in hand.

Stopping in front of him, as Y/N stood on the steps above Spencer, she was nearly as tall as the boy wonder.

“You dropped this.”

“Thank you.”

As Spencer went to reach for the picture, Y/N pulled it out of his reach.

He watched with bated breath as she carefully put the picture in the breast pocket of his jacket, tapping his jacket where the picture now safely sat.

“Now go before your boss gets angry at you for being late.”

Laughing at her truthful words, Spencer once again waved towards the girl, rushing down the steps as he looked at his watch, realising that he was going to be late. But even with that knowledge, as he opened the exit door of the museum, Spencer turned to wave goodbye to Y/N once more. Watching as she waved back, before he allowed the door to close behind him.

Spencer walked to the jet as briskly as he could, breathing heavily from the sprint through the airport, just about getting through easily with his badge.

Trotting up the steps, Spencer leaped into the jet, quickly taking the seat next to Emily, his breath heavy as he took in deep breaths.

The team ceased their conversation, all looking at Spencer in confusion and worry.

“Sorry I’m late, what’s the case?”

Spencer ignored the strange looks and elongated silence.

Hotch quickly broke it.

“We’re heading to Akron, Ohio. We got two murdered couples with the men both being found with used condoms on and Viagra in their systems. In both cases, the husbands were killed with a silenced 9-millimeter, the wife was stabbed multiple times. We’re meeting up with the Akron P.D when we get there. Everything you need is in the file.”

Spencer nodded his head as he grabbed the file from Hotch, opening the papers as the plane took off.

Briskly looking through the file, Spencer began to detail notes in his notebook about possible suspects and details the others may have missed. But as he scribbled, Spencer could feel the stares of Emily, Morgan, and JJ as they all sat by him. Fed up, Spencer lifted his head, flittering his gaze between them all.

“Can I help?”

“Why was you late?”

Spencer looked at Morgan.

“I was at the museum.”

“That’s the truth but why was you late?”

Spencer turned his eyes to Emily, confusion littering his features.

“I was at the museum, I had to get on the subway and get here.”

JJ tilted her head as Spencer looked between the trio.

The weight of their gazes quickly caused him to break.

“I was late because I was at the museum with someone.”

At his statement, everyone on the jet turned towards Spencer. Even Hotch had Spencer’s undivided attention.

Emily twisted to face the genius, a smirk on her face as she crossed her arms.

“Go on Romeo, tell us all about them.”

Spencer knew he could not get out of this. So, he began to begrudgingly tell his team about his day and the person he spent it with.

“Then after the gentleman took our picture, I got the call. I said goodbye and rushed over here.”

The team all looked at Spencer with mixtures of pride and happiness.

“Did you get her number?”

The looks soon turned to disbelief as Spencer bowed his head in shock.

“You had an amazing day with a woman you don’t know, which is something unlike you, and you failed to get her number? Pretty boy, I am very disappointed. I’ve taught you better than that.”

Shaking his head at Morgan’s playful words, Spencer couldn’t help his own disappointment take over. He can’t believe he didn’t ask her for her number. Rossi walked over and patted the man on his shoulder in reassurance.

“At least you got a picture to remember her.”

Spencer slowly nodded, solemnly reaching into his breast pocket to pull the picture out. But, as Spencer looked at the picture, he realised that she had handed him the second picture they had taken.

Spencer looked at the polaroid and couldn’t believe how comfortable he looked with her. Their hands interlaced as Y/N smiled brightly towards the camera. Spencer’s smile was directed towards the woman next time him, warm and content. He had never looked so at peace before. Yet, he still forgot to ask for her number.

As Spencer was about the place the picture back in his pocket, he paused his movement as Hotch spoke up.

“If I was you, I would check the back of that picture Reid.”

Looking at the people in front of him, he could see that they were all now smiling, looking at him expectedly, waiting for the man to look at the back of the picture. Flipping the picture over, Spencer couldn’t help the smile that blossomed over his face. His eyes crinkling from how large it was. On the back of the picture, a message was written.

“Meeting you made me feel part of something much bigger. Something I would love to explore. Give me a call if you want to as well.”

Underneath the message lay Y/N’s phone number.

Spencer lifted his head and looked around at his team. Pointing his thumb over his shoulder, he began to stand.

“I’m just going to…”

Emily pushed him up as the rest of the team laughed.

“Hurry up and call her Spence, no point in waiting!”

Spencer nodded his head in a flurry as JJ shooed him to the back of the jet.

Walking passed the team, Rossi and Derek patted him on the back, as Hotch nodded his head. They were all happy for him.

Walking into the jet’s toilet, Spencer locked the door and pulled out his phone. Flipping the picture in his opposing hand, he quickly dialled the number, clicking the call button before he could change his mind.

Just as he contemplated hanging up, the ringing stopped, and he heard an answer.

“Hello?”

“I want to be a part of something bigger. I want to explore it too.”

“Really?”

Spencer could feel the smile radiating from Y/N over the phone. A breathy laugh leaving his mouth as he realised, he was nodding his head instead of talking.

“Really.”

Spencer was not the type of person to sit in the bathroom on a plane talking to someone on the phone that he only met that morning. Even more so, having met that someone because they sat on the floor of the subway instead of the seats. Yet, here he was, in the bathroom talking to Y/N and getting to know her more. Spencer felt like the Willamette Meteorite. He had been broken and steered down different courses over the years, feeling like he would never be part of anything bigger than the family that was his team. But now, he felt like he was finally going to be a part of something bigger. Something extraordinary.

Never expected to meet you. When I met you I never expected you to become my everything and more than I could have ever dreamed of. - Maria Ana Bulquerin.

A/N- Thank you for the support. If you wish to in anyway, Please donate to the link below.

[qqueenofhades]

Hi. I’m curious. What did you mean by “women who read fiction might get Bad Ideas!!!” has just reached its latest and stupidest form via tumblr purity culture.? I haven’t seen any of this but I’m new to tumblr.

Oh man. You really want to get me into trouble on, like, my first day back, don’t you?

Pretty much all of this has been explained elsewhere by people much smarter than me, so this isn’t necessarily going to say anything new, but I’ll do my best to synthesize and summarize it. As ever, it comes with the caveat that it is my personal interpretation, and is not intended as the be-all, end-all. You’ll definitely run across it if you spend any time on Tumblr (or social media in general, including Twitter, and any other fandom-related spaces). This will get long.

In short: in the nineteenth century, when Gothic/romantic literature became popular and women were increasingly able to read these kinds of novels for fun, there was an attendant moral panic over whether they, with their weak female brains, would be able to distinguish fiction from reality, and that they might start making immoral or inappropriate choices in their real life as a result. Obviously, there was a huge sexist and misogynistic component to this, and it would be nice to write it off entirely as just hysterical Victorian pearl-clutching, but that feeds into the “lol people in the past were all much stupider than we are today” kind of historical fallacy that I often and vigorously shut down. (Honestly, I’m not sure how anyone can ever write the “omg medieval people believed such weird things about medicine!” nonsense again after what we’ve gone through with COVID, but that is a whole other rant.) The thinking ran that women shouldn’t read novels for fear of corrupting their impressionable brains, or if they had to read novels at all, they should only be the Right Ones: i.e., those that came with a side of heavy-handed and explicit moralizing so that they wouldn’t be tempted to transgress. Of course, books trying to hammer their readers over the head with their Moral Point aren’t often much fun to read, and that’s not the point of fiction anyway. Or at least, it shouldn’t be.

Fast-forward to today, and the entire generation of young, otherwise well-meaning people who have come to believe that being a moral person involves only consuming the “right” kind of fictional content, and being outrageously mean to strangers on the internet who do not agree with that choice. There are a lot of factors contributing to this. First, the advent of social media and being subject to the judgment of people across the world at all times has made it imperative that you demonstrate the “right” opinions to fit in with your peer-group, and on fandom websites, that often falls into a twisted, hyper-critical, so-called “progressivism” that diligently knows all the social justice buzzwords, but has trouble applying them in nuance, context, and complicated real life. To some extent, this obviously is not a bad thing. People need to be critical of the media they engage with, to know what narratives the creator(s) are promoting, the tropes they are using, the conclusions that they are supporting, and to be able to recognize and push back against genuinely harmful content when it is produced – and this distinction is critical – by professional mainstream creators. Amateur, individual fan content is another kettle of fish. There is a difference between critiquing a professional creator (though social media has also made it incredibly easy to atrociously abuse them) and attacking your fellow fan and peer, who is on the exact same footing as you as a consumer of that content.

Obviously, again, this doesn’t mean that you can’t call out people who are engaging in actually toxic or abusive behavior, fans or otherwise. But certain segments of Tumblr culture have drained both those words (along with “gaslighting”) of almost all critical meaning, until they’re applied indiscriminately to “any fictional content that I don’t like, don’t agree with, or which doesn’t seem to model healthy behavior in real life” and “anyone who likes or engages with this content.” Somewhere along the line, a reactionary mindset has been formed in which the only fictional narratives or relationships are those which would be “acceptable” in real life, to which I say…. what? If I only wanted real life, I would watch the news and only read non-fiction. Once again, the underlying fear, even if it’s framed in different terms, is that the people (often women) enjoying this content can’t be trusted to tell the difference between fiction and reality, and if they like “problematic” fictional content, they will proceed to seek it out in their real life and personal relationships. And this is just… not true.

As I said above, critical media studies and thoughtful consumption of entertainment are both great things! There have been some great metas written on, say, the Marvel Cinematic Universe and how it is increasingly relying on villains who have outwardly admirable motives (see: the Flag Smashers in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier) who are then stigmatized by their anti-social, violent behavior and attacks on innocent people, which is bad even as the heroes also rely on violence to achieve their ends. This is a clever way to acknowledge social anxieties – to say that people who identify with the Flag Smashers are right, to an extent, but then the instant they cross the line into violence, they’re upsetting the status quo and need to be put down by the heroes. I watched TFATWS and obviously enjoyed it. I have gone on a Marvel re-watching binge recently as well. I like the MCU! I like the characters and the madcap sci-fi adventures! But I can also recognize it as a flawed piece of media that I don’t have to accept whole-cloth, and to be able to criticize some of the ancillary messages that come with it. It doesn’t have to be black and white.

When it comes to shipping, moreover, the toxic culture of “my ship is better than your ship because it’s Better in Real Life” ™ is both well-known and in my opinion, exhausting and pointless. As also noted, the whole point of fiction is that it allows us to create and experience realities that we don’t always want in real life. I certainly enjoy plenty of things in fiction that I would definitely not want in reality: apocalyptic space operas, violent adventures, and yes, garbage men. A large number of my ships over the years have been labeled “unhealthy” for one reason or another, presumably because they don’t adhere to the stereotype of the coffee-shop AU where there’s no tension and nobody ever makes mistakes or is allowed to have serious flaws. And I’m not even bagging on coffee-shop AUs! Some people want to remove characters from a violent situation and give them that fluff and release from the nonstop trauma that TV writers merrily inflict on them without ever thinking about the consequences. Fanfiction often focuses on the psychology and healing of characters who have been through too much, and since that’s something we can all relate to right now, it’s a very powerful exercise. As a transformative and interpretive tool, fanfic is pretty awesome.

The problem, again, comes when people think that fic/fandom can only be used in this way, and that going the other direction, and exploring darker or complicated or messy dynamics and relationships, is morally bad. As has been said before: shipping is not activism. You don’t get brownie points for only having “healthy” ships (and just my personal opinion as a queer person, these often tend to be heterosexual white ships engaging in notably heteronormative behavior) and only supporting behavior in fiction that you think is acceptable in real life. As we’ve said, there is a systematic problem in identifying what that is. Ironically, for people worried about Women Getting Ideas by confusing fiction and reality, they’re doing the same thing, and treating fiction like reality. Fiction is fiction. Nobody actually dies. Nobody actually gets hurt. These people are not real. We need to normalize the idea of characters as figments of a creator’s imagination, not actual people with their own agency. They exist as they are written, and by the choice of people whose motives can be scrutinized and questioned, but they themselves are not real. Nor do characters reflect the author’s personal views. Period.

This feeds into the fact that the internet, and fandom culture, is not intended as a “safe space” in the sense that no questionable or triggering content can ever be posted. Archive of Our Own, with its reams of scrupulous tagging and requests for you to explicitly click and confirm that you are of age to see M or E-rated content, is a constant target of the purity cultists for hosting fictional material that they see as “immoral.” But it repeatedly, unmistakably, directly asks you for your consent to see this material, and if you then act unfairly victimized, well… that’s on you. You agreed to look at this, and there are very few cases where you didn’t know what it entailed. Fandom involves adults creating contents for adults, and while teenagers and younger people can and do participate, they need to understand this fact, rather than expecting everything to be a PG Disney movie.

When I do write my “dark” ships with garbage men, moreover, they always involve a lot of the man being an idiot, being bluntly called out for an idiot, and learning healthier patterns of behavior, which is one of the fundamental patterns of romance novels. But they also involve an element of the woman realizing that societal standards are, in fact, bullshit, and she can go feral every so often, as a treat. But even if I wrote them another way, that would still be okay! There are plenty of ships and dynamics that I don’t care for and don’t express in my fic and fandom writing, but that doesn’t mean I seek out the people who do like them and reprimand them for it. I know plenty of people who use fiction, including dark fiction, in a cathartic way to process real-life trauma, and that’s exactly the role – one of them, at least – that fiction needs to be able to fulfill. It would be terribly boring and limited if we were only ever allowed to write about Real Life and nothing else. It needs to be complicated, dark, escapist, unreal, twisted, and whatever else. This means absolutely zilch about what the consumers of this fiction believe, act, or do in their real lives.

Once more, I do note the misogyny underlying this. Nobody, after all, seems to care what kind of books or fictional narratives men read, and there’s no reflection on whether this is teaching them unhealthy patterns of behavior, or whether it predicts how they’ll act in real life. (There was some of that with the “do video games cause mass shootings?”, but it was a straw man to distract from the actual issues of toxic masculinity and gun culture.) Certain kinds of fiction, especially historical fiction, romance novels, and fanfic, are intensely gendered and viewed as being “women’s fiction” and therefore hyper-criticized, while nobody’s asking if all the macho-man potboiler military-intrigue tough-guy stereotypical “men’s fiction” is teaching them bad things. So the panic about whether your average woman on the internet is reading dark fanfic with an Unhealthy Ship (zomgz) is, in my opinion, misguided at best, and actively destructive at worst.

[honeytae]

if you’re open for regular requests i’d love to request lil scenarios of the boys learning english alongside their english-speaking s/o! this is totally self-indulgent i’m doing the TEFL program and i’m going to south korea next year to teach :)

first of all, that’s amazing omg!! congratulations my love, i hope you have the best time over there and please don’t be shy in sharing your stories with us!!! i tried to stick to the boys actually learning english with their s/o but i strayed from that with a few members just bc i ran out of ideas lol but i hope you still enjoy!

fair warning....i’ve never ~seriously~ tried to learn korean, so i’m not entirely certain of the parallels between korean and english. i just hope these are wholesome enough to override that lmao

namjoon:

“You know,” Namjoon looked up from his phone, “I understand expanding your vocabulary, but why are there so many weird slang words?”

“Kids these days?” You shrugged, the man chuckling in response before flipping his phone around to show you what had puzzled him.

“If something slaps, that’s...good?” He wondered, watching as you suppressed a smile at the tweet he was showing you.

You could tell by the profile picture that the user was an ARMY, one of the many fan profiles on the platform, and the tweet was written completely in English.

Although there was a ‘Translate to Korean’ option readily available with just a tap of his thumb, you knew Namjoon never missed an opportunity to challenge himself to be able to fully comprehend what a native English speaker was trying to say.

You nearly snorted at the tweet’s content, smiling as you read it out loud.

“The Dis-ease bridge just saved my life. Seriously, this song slaps.”

Glancing at Namjoon, he raised his eyebrows, eagerly waiting for you to translate and explain what that could equate to in Korean.

“It’s definitely a good thing, Joon. They love it.”

At your interpretation, Namjoon grinned, nodding to himself as he pulled his phone back in front of his face to scroll through more reaction tweets to the new album release.

seokjin:

“What the hell is that?”

You picked your head up from your sketchbook when you heard Seokjin whine from beside you, eyebrows knitting together at his distressed tone. Taking a glance over at his laptop screen, you found his mouse bouncing from letter to letter on one of his weekly english lessons.

“What is that, like 15 letters? How do you even use that in a sentence?” He went on, obviously flustered by the word on the screen.

Pulchritudinous.

You placed your hand over his to stop his panicked counting of the letters, causing him to look over at you with a sigh as he frowned.

You nearly giggled at his reaction, but the genuine fear in his eyes made you stifle it as you soothingly held his hands in yours. 

“It’s just an over complicated way of saying beautiful. I don’t know why they’re teaching you that, nobody ever uses it.” You assured him, his eyes going down in size a bit at your words before he nodded.

Watching as a smirk tilted his lips, you raised your brows at the sudden expression.

“What?”

“Well like, I could say I’m...that?” He said, eyebrows raised cockily as he gestured to the long word stretched across the screen.

“Well it’s actually not used like,” you paused, giving in with a shrug as you grinned back at him.

“Sure, love.”

yoongi:

“Why did I skip English class all the time?” Yoongi sighed, pinching his bottom lip between his fingers as he plucked at the skin in frustration.

“Because you were trying to be a rebel.” You answered without looking up from your phone, the man obviously not liking your answer as he reached over to where you were laying beside him to pinch at your hip.

Yelping, you scooted across the mattress to get away from his hand, whining his name with a scoff before looking over at his notepad.

“What are you doing, anyway?” You asked, leaning on your palm as you scanned the rows of scribbled English letters written on the page.

“I’m trying to get better at writing.” He admitted shyly, a small grin on his face to match the fond one on your own. 

“Aw,” you pouted, Yoongi raising his eyebrows at your tone, “but I like your chicken scratch.”

“You’re such a brat.” He chuckled, adjusting the velcro on his brace with a grunt.

Since Yoongi’s shoulder surgery took away obvious straining activities like dancing and performing, he’d turned to studying English from the comfort of your bed during his recovery as one of the only safe activities he could partake in for a while.

It was now one of his favorite past times, learning new words and phrases he could potentially use in the future. It worked for you both because it took his mind off the pain and kept him motivated, and since you could speak both his and your language, you could help him out whenever he got stuck on something.

Usually he did lessons verbally on his phone, but it seemed today he had taken the old fashioned route.

“Your handwriting really isn’t bad, Yoongs.” You observed, the carefully placed tails at the end of each ‘a’ making you smile out of fondness for the man.

“My man has the prettiest handwriting.” You cooed, pushing a strand of his stark black hair out of his eyes as he blushed down at his notebook.

“Stop that.”

hoseok:

“Hey, babe?” Hoseok called for you, listening to your footsteps growing closer before you popped your head into the kitchen doorway.

“Yeah?”

“I’m having a little trouble.” He gestured to his open laptop on the counter, you recognizing it as an assignment from his English course.

“What happened?”

“Pronouns. Pronouns happened.” He pouted, his disdain for the new chapter quite obvious as he stared down his computer screen.

“What about them?” You asked, stepping closer to the man sitting at the kitchen island and placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

“I need to make ten sentences using proper pronouns and I feel like I’m doing it all wrong.” He explained, causing you to hum as you looked over his sentences.

“These look great, Hobi.” You smiled as you glanced over the first three he’d written, flawlessly executed on the document.

“Can you help me with the next one?” He wondered, you nodding your head as you took a seat on the stool next to his.

“What do you want the next one to say?” You asked, watching as he glanced off to the side in thought, slightly squinting his eyes at the tile floor beneath the sink.

“My house is next to,” He spoke in English, pausing as he searched his brain for what pronoun to put next.

“Theys?” He answered as more of a question, then shaking his head as he switched back to Korean, “wait, no.” He sighed, placing his chin in his hand in thought before glancing over to you.

“I know it’s wrong, I just don’t know what the right answer is instead.” He explained, you shooting him a loving smile as you pushed the dark raven hair off his forehead and pressed a kiss to the newly revealed skin.

“I’ll help you, Sunshine. No worries.”

jimin:

Flopping onto the bed, you let your tired body fall on top of Jimin’s hoodie clad chest, his arm encircling your body as he mumbled a soft greeting to you.

“Hm, what are you learning about today?” You nuzzled into his chest, peering at his phone propped up on his thigh.

“Animals. Birds, mostly.” He answered, briefly turning from the screen to press a kiss to your head before focusing back on the row of English words matched with pictures of popular birds glowing from the device.

The first was a robin, the next a blue jay, and then a dove.

You listened as the virtual instructor prompted Jimin to repeat after her, spelling out the letters before stating the whole word. You smiled as your boyfriend followed instruction, pronouncing the words the best he could after the microphone chimed for him to do so.

“D-o-v-e. Dove.”

“Dove.” He repeated, smiling to himself as the app announced he got the point with a little heart.

“That’s cute.” He went back to his native language, you humming in confusion as you lifted your head up off his chest to look at him.

“The heart?” You asked, reaching up to twist a stray strand of hair out of his eye as he shook his head.

“Dove.” He said again, making you tilt your head, not knowing what he meant.

“It sounds like ‘love.’” He connected the two English words, you smiling fondly at him in response before scooting up the bed to kiss the tip of his button nose.

“You’re so cute.”

taehyung:

Three knocks at the door announced someone’s arrival to your bedroom, causing your head to lift from the novel you’d been so immersed in. Taehyung was home, but you’d wanted to give him space because you knew he needed to work on lyrics for his mixtape in order to submit them on time. 

“Hey,” he poked his head in with a small smile, “can you help me with something?” He asked sheepishly, stepping further into the room when you nodded.

“Of course. What is it?” You set your book down, marking your place before closing it to pay full attention to your boyfriend.

“Well, I’m trying to write this verse in English and,” he trailed off with a shrug, “you know.” He finished, you nodding in response with a gesture for him to come sit next to you.

He eagerly walked over to you with his notebook in hand, lowering himself to the mattress before rolling his way over to where you were leaning against the headboard.

Honestly, Taehyung’s English wasn’t bad at all. He was insecure about it, but you’d never really understood what the reason for that feeling was. His vocabulary was more than decent, his comprehension was good, and his pronunciation was great for having such a thick accent.

But there were many times where Taehyung came to you for guidance, as you were a native English speaker yourself.

And so, as he rested his head on your shoulder confiding in you about everything he wanted to say and how he wanted to say it, you patiently took him through what would work and rhyme best, smiling as he hummed the melody to himself to see if the phrases would work in his creation.

jungkook:

“Baby, can you read it to me again before we go on? Just one more time.”

You glanced over at your boyfriend in his makeup chair, several employees bustling around the man as they attempted to get him ready to go on stage while they had him seated.

With his arm extended backward to where you stood behind his leather chair, he offered his phone to you while shooting you a grin through the reflection in the mirror.

Taking the device from his hand, you opened it to the notes app where he’d written what he wanted to say in his statement on stage in just a few minutes.

You were in London tonight, which meant that all of the boys had been rehearsing their English so that they could communicate easier with their audience.

Jungkook, ever the over-achiever, was determined to do the toughest English tongue twister he could possibly find. Not only that, but in a British accent for his British ARMY’s.

“Betty bought a bit of better butter to make her bitter butter better.” You read from the phone, barely able to read the sentence yourself before you glanced up at Jungkook through the mirror again.

You watched your boyfriend nod as his brain took in the words you’d just said, taking a deep inhale before he began speaking the phrase back to you.

You gawked as the man effortlessly repeated after you, a few of the makeup artists stopping as well as Jungkook raised his eyebrows back at you.

“Was that okay?”

[skiyoosmi]

to the stars above | z.

featuring. zhongli (genshin impact)

genre. fluff, angst, smut, ancient-liyue!au

word count. 5.4k

marga's notes. aAAAa look look, it's my first commission!! school has kept me really occupied for like the past month but after pulling a few all-nighters, i've finally finished my responsibilities along with this little baby! once again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you to my bubs @ramannnn for trusting me with this one <33

Nobody knows when the world began, how it came to be and why it continues to be. Even I, whose mind is filled with nothing but wonder for it, have no idea. One thing I am quite sure of... is how mine did.

It all started with him— a man of many titles, different identities yet at the end of the day, all these monikers are the same; it's all him. He adored Liyue more than anything else, knew it like the back of his hand. He went where the winds lead him, stayed where the moon shines upon him, stood where the golden sun kissed his skin. He found serenity in the walks he travels as he goes about his day, the sceneries his eyes take in and the calm sounds the nature resonates for him. And as if it was fate decided upon by the Celestia, it led him to me. Suddenly, my little world that used to be nothing became everything... quickly and all at once.

An exasperated sigh escapes from my lips, frustration and disappointment filling my whole being as I stare at the blank parchment paper I held in my hands. Another day was again wasted with no progress, I thought, mentally beating myself up for not being productive enough. Before I could further drown myself into such pessimistic ideas, I snap out of it and let my eyes cherish the view that lies ahead of me. Though I feel a little guilty for taking Vermeer's place, I can only whisper an apology with little to no sincerity. Because truly, nothing can beat the picturesque landscape of Luhua Pool— the crystal clear waters that would most probably reflect my face like a mirror if I were to ever look at it, the ruins that ignited the spark of curiosity within me, wondering about the pasts it holds and the stillness and feeling of peace it gives me as I sit in this cliff. Feeling somewhat a bit better, I place my things on top of the old bag I bring no matter where I go. There's always a better day for writing, I tell myself as a form of consolation, bringing my slim arms up to begin stretching. I've been sitting on this log for quite a long time now, after all.

"It seems like you are in a bit of a dilemma," a deep voice comments from behind me. Out of surprise, I lightly jump and turn my head towards the stranger. Right at that moment, it felt as if all the air circulating inside my body had been depleted. Captivating was an understatement as to how he appeared before me. With the sunlight striking his face and accenting his unique features further, he stood with his hands behind him, head tilted as he looked at me with interest, all while keeping his dignified posture.

"Oh, hello. I am afraid so, yes," I respond, or rather, mutter under my breath since I was not really used to having sudden encounters with other people, nor am I fond of it. I tend to keep to myself, finding it much more peaceful than having to tend to others' overbearing expectations and demands which is partly the reason why I chose to live in the outskirts, far from the center of Liyue that contrasts my comfortable abode, "I apologize. I failed to realize that somebody other than Vermeer liked to stay here," I told him, arching my eyebrows a little when he let out a breathy chuckle.

"Oh, you have no need for such formal apologies. I do not always go here, at least probably not as often as the man you call Vermeer. I was simply taking a walk and I think I got carried away by Liyue's view and eventually, my feet led me here," he explains, a hint of sheepishness present in his tone, "and I guess I'll have to thank my feet for that."

Because it led me to you, interesting one. For many years, it will remain unspoken, kept by the strange man to himself and unveiled once his heart gives up from the resistance he upholds.

For the following hours of lounging around Luhua Pool, I learned a lot about the stranger— he calls himself "Morax," and like the god of Liyue, he enjoyed history and is extremely knowledgeable about it, aspiring to know and understand everything of the world, he often brews tea, even going as far as inviting me once I am free from any form of work. Just as he shared facts about himself, I did too.

"So, Cheng, you said you have a bit of a dilemma?" he inquires, slightly angling his head towards the direction of the side I'm sitting on. I nod my head up and down, mouth forming into a small pout of disappointment as I remember that today has not been that progressive.

"Yes. I am trying to write a novel, you see. Something that will leave an impact on this world so that even if I may pass, I will still live on the memories of people," I tell him, an ambitious expression present on my face. He hums, eyes going over the terraces that make up the current view we have and the two huge statues standing by the ruins, "Why so?"

I pause for a moment to think of a reply, "I guess I just do not want to let someone alone in this cold world. Wouldn't that be too cruel and sad, to just leave them with nothing?"

If I'm able to write words that will provide comfort to my readers, then maybe... just maybe the world will be less lonely... even for just a little bit. At least, that's what I thought as silence consumed us, the sun setting as if to remind us that finally, another day is nearing its end. Now, what will tomorrow bring?

"Well then, I do hope I will be able to read at least some of your works at least once," he speaks as he stands up, lightly dusting away his clothes, "It certainly has been a pleasure to be your company, Cheng."

As he walks down the slope of the hill, his somewhat broad back facing me, I call out, "Will you be back?"

He stops and turns, a soft smile is plastered on his face as he responds, "Only time will tell."

But time was no friend of mine. At least that's what I have come to realize as many days passed without him returning to this place. Though maybe it's only because it almost felt as if time slowed down and I was only eager to see him again, something I have scolded myself to— what a fragile heart do I have to already seek a stranger's presence? That is what others call love at first sight, a devilish portion of my mind whispered cheekily within me and I gasped in disbelief, "Absolutely not," I lightly slap both of my cheeks, "I'm just too coped up in my own world. I probably need to go see more people."

That thought remains a simple yearning though because once again, I find myself lounging around the same spot in Luhua, a quiet hope ignited within me, fulfilled when I hear the familiar voice he adorns as he speaks, "You're here."

I release a sound that is between a giggle and a breathy chuckle, "And I see your feet had led you here once more?"

"They were curious, or should I say... I was," he explains as he takes a seat beside me, his posture remaining solid despite the uncomfortable position.

"Of what?" I ask.

"Of you," he simply replies, unaware of the sudden yet unsurprising effect it had on my heart that was already beating rapidly with just his mere presence. I try not to be so showy of it though, too embarrassed to even think of how fast I became fond of him.

But it was no wonder. After all, he himself was an interesting one; from the way he carries himself, the way he speaks, and the way he's just him... all and every action hold so much dignity that it just leaves me almost breathless and in awe every single time my eyes finds their way to his figure— and to think that this was just our second meeting? My mother would most probably let out the most shameless giggle as I tell her these thoughts, pushing me and teasing me like a normal person in their teens would. I shake my head to get out of these thoughts, listening to Morax as he tells another wonderful tale, almost making me think that he lived it himself with how he knew it, going over even with the smallest details.

"You know, Morax, you have such a good memory to remember all of those things despite simply hearing about it," I suddenly speak up in the midst of the silence that engulfed us while he tries to think of the next story to tell, "I hope I can stay in them too... in your memories, I mean. I know I am far from being the most interesting person but for some reason, I wish for that."

He pauses, eyes trailing slowly towards me, beyond my knowledge, before he lets out a somber smile. You already are, is another one of him that becomes an afterthought.

I heaved out a sigh before shaking my head again, "Ah! Why do I keep having such lonely thoughts? Forget about that. Please do not mind me, alright? I think I really need to stop being stuck in the mountains."

I pick up my small bag and shuffle inside it, letting out a quiet sound of 'aha!' as a sort of celebration when I successfully got a small book out, "Here."

He blinked his eyes in confusion, wondering what it was I handed to him so I spoke in delight, "You told me you wanted to read at least one of my works so, here. I am warning you though, it is not like the ones that sell best in the bookstores. It might bore you, or weird you out like what others say."

"What others say?"

"They say it's too unrealistic, too impossible... but I believe otherwise. We live in a world where gods and adepti watch over us. What makes my story impossible then?" I ponder, him still being confused.

"What is it about anyway?" He asks, having no idea of what the context my book had.

"It's about an archon who began living as a simple man in Liyue."

Our meetings became more frequent after that and eventually, we got comfortable with even just the presence of each other, having no need for long talks and such, but just peace. Today, like any other day, Morax was just reading the book I gave him, while I was thinking of what my next story would be about. Occasionally, he looks at me with an odd expression that is almost equivalent to astonishment, as if I have done something so great that it made him look at me that way.

"What made you think of this plot?" he asks all of a sudden, not forgetting to put a piece of paper that served as a bookmark on the page where he stopped just in case he accidentally closed it.

I hum, thinking about my answer to his question, "Hmm. Truth to be told, it was just a mere wonder for me. Archons and the adepti, although not entirely immortal, live so much longer than an average human does, watching over us as we go about our daily lives, waiting for sudden wars to break out and then fight the enemies that attack us. Growing up, those were the things that all the people around me told me. So I began to wonder, do they ever get tired? Is it not too taxing to keep on doing that? What if... they just lived with us, among the crowds? Because I think it is too lonely wherever they are. Would it not be better if they were with us, rather than above us, so they could at least have memories to live by?"

Morax does not give a response, or rather, he finds it difficult to find one. Still, it does not stop the affection that spreads within him. He does not say it out loud, but for someone who prefers to be alone, Cheng was full of empathy. And somehow, that did wonders to Morax's heart.

"Now that I think about it, I kind of actually want to address my books to them now," I hum once more, "It would be like a message for them: Do not be too lonely even if we pass. Because of your help, through these stories, we can show you that we lived a good life."

I huff as soon as I finish my sentence, "Although one of those who read it said that was impossible, because according to them, why would archons give up their power to live a life where there is only simplicity?"

Morax let out a sound that made it look as if he got offended himself, "Archons can do that, can they not?"

"I know! That was what I was saying to them. Anyway, I am not forcing them to like what I wrote. It's just a story, after all. It can do no harm," I shrug, beginning to fix my belongings as the sun began to set, "I should go now, Morax. It is still quite a long walk to my home."

"I want to live a good life too," he suddenly tells me, making me halt and turn to him in confusion, "With you. The good life and memories you shall tell in your stories, can I be part of them too?"

The universe does not stop for anyone, nor does time— science will consistently proclaim this fact matter what timeline we shall live in. No matter how much someone begs to the Celestia to grant their wish of controlling, or stopping time, no one will be able to do such things. But somehow, it seems like when it comes to him, everything is possible as I feel my world stop at his words, just like the way it also began when I met him. And as if planets were colliding with each other, I suddenly felt my heart crash upon him and as if out of instinct, I let go of the truth.

"Of course. It would be the greatest thing to have you."

Life was strange in its own way. That is what I have come to realize in this simple life of mine.

Despite the fact that the "me" of the previous year has never even thought about putting my whole being on my sleeve, it is pleasingly odd how right now, I find myself in this kind of situation with the man who swept me right under my feet and claimed my heart as his.

“You're cold," I whisper amidst the silence of the night in my abode, my index tracing the ears of the man who had me sitting right on his lap, the shorter strands of his silky hair tucked behind them. So, so alluring.

He takes hold of my wrist, planting a soft kiss on its side, all while maintaining eye contact as he quietly drawls, "Then I suppose you can keep me warm tonight. Will you?"

As if in a trance, I nod my head, letting him take the lead as he laid me down, back against the soft mattress, him following on top with his arms supporting his build. With arising confidence, I circle my arms around him and pull him down, bringing our lips together, a sigh of relief escaping both of our mouths as if to say, "Finally."

I wonder if he thinks the same way as I do— that this was Celestia in its own way. I felt like I could do anything as long as it was with him. The kiss felt like the power we once suppressed from each other became a supernova that changed our world's course all of a sudden. But despite the tension and heat we both emitted at the moment, there is a warmth that engulfs me the same time he fully wraps his arms around me.

I am here. I will always be here.

No noise disturbs the peace we have created, only the quiet sound of crickets reach our ears but even that fails to distract him from what he's doing. He gently tugs on the sash that keeps my coat tied. Nimble fingers explore the remains of my clothing, loosening all until I am set free from them.

His eyes raked over my body, an expression of awe plastered on his face for so long that it made me somewhat conscious. Because as he unravels his to me, I am enlightened by the fact that my figure is nothing worth comparing to his — not even close. A hint of sweat glints from his skin due to the moonlight, making him look even more ethereal. But who was I to complain?

So instead, I look down, fiddling a little with my fingers as I feel my cheeks heat up. How is it that I only realize now what kind of situation we are currently in? Before I further drown in such shameless thoughts, he lifts my head up by the chin, an amused look on his usually-gentle face, "Are you feeling shy, beloved?"

I meekly nodded, to which he lets out a soft laugh and whispers, "Don't be. You are the epitome of beauty itself. If you don't believe me, allow me to show you nothing but truth tonight, I swear under the moon and all these stars."

He dips down and captures my lips in a kiss once again with more passion, if it was still even possible.

"You are made for me, as I'm made for you," he proclaims as he thrusts inside me after minutes of preparation, soft pants and groans following his statements. I can only whimper in response, pain evident in my tone at first with my hands lightly clawing at his back. I pray to the heavens above that they don't leave awful marks after this.

He halts and utters an apology, thumb caressing the bone of my cheeks while he waits for me to adjust. He scans my face after a few seconds, relief flashing in his eyes when I nod for him to continue.

"I... b..." I try to speak out but the pleasure overwrites any sensical thought that goes through my mind. He slows down a little, looking over my face and smiles, urging me to talk.

"Stay with me, beloved. We still have all night," he tells me, encouraging me to voice what has been on my mind.

"I... I belong to you, always have and always will..." I manage to croak out, voice quite hoarse due to the sounds that I let out previously. Perhaps pleased with what I have proclaimed, he begins going even deeper and at the same moment, I begin falling deeper.

"Yes, yes, you do," he repeats like a mantra, his voice sounding more and more desperate to reach his high. I cry out with him, creating a harmony that even the best bards shall be ashamed.

It was a long night— the longest yet most beautiful night I have ever had in this simple life of mine. And in that moment, as we reach the stars together, I knew right there and then that this man is someone who will be etched in my heart for as long as I live, deep into its roots— for him, it shall beat and it shall love.

You, who are reading this, most probably have had enough of these teeth-rotting praises I kept on writing. But what can I do except to apologize? These words are the only ones that can flow out of my mind and mouth to show how magnificent it was to be loved by him.

Well, nothing significant really changed. He was still the same gentleman I met, if anything, more gentle. Just like in the beginning, he made my heart flutter every chance he gets, no matter how many years have already passed.

We built a dynasty together.

But maybe I should have known that ours were also bound to crumble like the ones that have long existed even way before us.

Days, months and years went on, I realized that he was actually the opposite of me— unlike me who was clearly not parallel with time, he held it right on the palms of his hand. I was not blind, nor was I a fool, I can clearly see how he looks like he has not aged a day, all while I was here, maturing more and more each second that passed by, the amount of signs of me aging increasing significantly.

Morax. Knowledgeable of history as if he lived it himself. Time. All these thoughts eventually congest my mind as realization dawns upon me. He was not merely a man named after the god himself— Morax was him, he was Morax.

"How appalling," I mutter with a hint of sadness and dismay in my tone. I stood in front of the mirror, fingers hovering over my face, wrinkles appearing as I scrunch it. A pair of firm arms snake its way around my lean waist, chin resting on one of my shoulders as he hums his words, "What has got your beautiful mind occupied, my beloved?"

Taking hold of his arms, I turn my body around to face him, a somewhat melancholic smile etched on my face as I look up at his much taller frame, "You are a sight to behold, even to this day." He arches one eyebrow out of amusement and curiosity, wondering why I suddenly started pouring him compliments. After all, my shyness prevents me from consistently doing so. Nonetheless, I continue speaking, "I wish... I could be with you even when everything changes into a whole new world."

I lifted a hand up to cup his cheeks and began rubbing it lovingly, a lone tear finally dropping from my eye as soon as I closed it, "but I cannot, I do not have the ability to do so... I am but a mere mortal, after all."

His eyes widen as he finally discerns my actions and concerns, immediately opening his mouth in hopes of consoling me but I beat him into speaking, "It's alright, Morax. I have been putting the pieces together for a while now. I am in no way angry. I just..." I pause, gulping hard before my lips start to quiver, "... I cannot imagine how lonely it must have been. And now... I think about it and I... I do not want to leave you alone again."

My cries eventually start becoming louder, something that is very new to the both of us, seeing as I have always been composed. Love can change a person into a whole new being. I remember a book I have read once and at the moment, I can only agree. Maybe it was the way my heart clenches at the mere thought of him walking alone, or the way I can imagine us taking our last breaths together yet I know that will never happen— but either way, it was painful.

He whispers sweet nothings to my ears, placing light kisses on my temple as he leads us to the bedroom to rest once my tears have finally ceased and I have calmed down. His hold on me gets tighter every time I let out a small hiccup due to crying, almost as if he was telling me that he was feeling the same pain as I was.

Hours pass by as we lay in silence. My tears have long dried up but we remain coped up in each other's arms.

"Would it not be interesting if you bear the name Zhongli?" I ask him in a somewhat croaky voice.

He peers down and tilts his head, "Now where did that thought come from?"

I shrug, or at least try to, and look up at the ceiling as we shift our positions to lay on our back, hands finding one another and intertwining, "Hmm... nowhere. Just a name I wanted to give you in case that you are needing a new one."

"Oh? How come it would be interesting then?"

I look at him with a comforting yet sad smile.

"Because it means it's time to leave, to go somewhere far away... and unfortunately, I will have to leave soon."

He furrowed his eyebrows together, "Do not say that. Who knows? Maybe you will be able to live a hundred years by my side. Besides, I think it sounds lonely. I do not think I would want to get reminded of the fact that you are not here with me."

I hum, "But if you bear the name I gave you, wouldn't it feel like I never went away? That no matter where your feet take you, no matter how far you go, I am and will always be with you, just as I have vowed."

The wooden door leading to my writing room slowly slides open and Morax's head peers in, an adorable smile plastered on his face, "You have been quite busy these days, beloved. I do not wish to disturb you but I am starting to long for your presence."

I let out a shameless giggle, "Alright, alright. Just let me write down a few more words while I still have ideas to input."

He peeks on the parchment paper out of curiosity, taken aback when he finds his name on it, "You are writing about us?"

I nod proudly, "My last piece."

"... But why?"

I smile and approach him, taking his hand and placing my forehead against his after he lowers his head down to my level, "I told you, did I not? I do not wish to leave the person I love with nothing. So that you will not be lonely, my words will be with you. I will be with you, always..."

"... and to tell the gods... to tell you, that I loved every second of my life with you— that it was, indeed, a good life."

"Who are you, young man? Are you my son?" I speak with a very hoarse voice, squinting my eyes at the figure in front of me, as if my poor vision will allow me to do that.

I hear a melancholic yet gentle sigh come from him before he takes my rough hands and looks afar, "Don't mind me. I'm just someone who vowed to be with you for as long as time lets us."

"Oh.... really? That’s quite endearing," I hum, "Well, may I know your name?"

"This… I think I may just have an idea to whom this book is for," Paimon trails off, looking over at the traveler who was in the same trance as her, "Paimon thinks we should let the strange person we saw a while ago give this directly to Zhongli!"

Lumine nods, turning around and starting to run towards the direction they were at previously, recalling the person named Cheng who gave them the novel they just finished reading. They were unique, dressed in layers of robes and it was almost as if they lived in the old times of Liyue. Even the way they talked and moved screamed ancient.

Just as they turned the corner, a woman near the Liuli Pavilion called them over, "Traveler! Here!" As they approach, Lumine cranes her neck to look around the area but to no avail, the strange person was long gone.

"Are you two alright?" the woman asks, much to their confusion, "I saw you talking to literal air awhile ago and I was worried you have eaten something strange."

The pair looks at each other in surprise before Paimon replies, "You didn't see anyone? Like a person dressed in the strangest attire? They dressed really anciently!"

The door of the Liuli Pavilion opens and there goes Zhongli, a calm expression morphing to an awkward one when he realizes he barged into an ongoing conversation. He apologizes for the disturbance and despite the curiosity he had upon overhearing bits of Paimon's statements, he starts his walk back to Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. At least not until he hears Paimon call his name, "Zhongli! Wait! A person named Cheng. Do you know them?"

He abruptly stops and turns to the two, eyes wide for a second before it returns to his usual demeanor, "How... how do you know of them?"

"We met them," Paimon says, as if it was the simplest thing to do, "Well, honestly, we don't know because we were apparently speaking to nothing but air! It's so odd!"

He stays still, honestly having no idea of what response he should give them because he himself found it hard to believe.

"Well anyway, they asked us to give you this nov— wait, where is it? It was just in your hands a while ago, Traveler!"

In the midst of the loud chaos made by the two in the middle of Liyue, he thinks he knows what to do and where to go now.

It was the day of the Rite of Parting, an event where he's supposed to be taking part of, even just a part of the audience. But he finds himself hanging around the Wanwen Bookhouse, eyes scanning the shelves until it stops at a familiar name engraved on the cover of a book.

"Oh! Greetings, Mr. Zhongli! I see you took a liking to a very great and romantic novel," Jifang comments as she sees the book in his hands.

He looks at her, "Is it really great?"

She gasps in delight, "Yes, indeed! Almost all of the Liyue folks have enjoyed this story! You can say it is a classic, especially for readers! Cheng definitely outdid themselves with this one! Such a mysterious person yet equally amazing. Imagine? Being able to make such a beautiful love story with Morax? They don’t mention the present name they gave Morax though, such a shame. Maybe it was due to old age, they wrote it until the last moments of their life after all. Anyway, I have to get back to work but enjoy reading that masterpiece!"

He feels his heart swell in pride upon knowing his lover had his wish come true. His nimble fingers carefully open the pages of the book and hours later, as he sat inside the Funeral Parlor after taking the novel home, he finds himself absorbing each and every word Cheng have written, the loneliness sitting idly inside him subsiding little by little.

I found solace in the countless cups of tea you brew whenever I encounter distress with my works, the endless stories you tell with a smile so beautiful that not even the most heavenly scenery can vanquish, but most of them all, the feeling of your hand intertwining with mine, providing me with serenity no one else has ever done before. Under the moonlit night of Liyue, I remember your wistful amber eyes, staring deep into my soul as you proclaim your love and desire for me. How foolish was it of me to think that I could live this life without even experiencing such warmth and intimacy?

It is a banality, really — how I wish to become a well-known writer with unique tales and yet the story I am telling is something so common to folks that they have most probably heard similar ones before. But I guess this is what it means to love and to be loved. Everything is like a cycle that just keeps on being repeated, yet we never get tired of it, of the feelings it brings. So, thank you, Morax. Words will never be sufficient to show how grateful I am to you for showing me a whole new world but I suppose this is still a way for me to give back to you.

With this little book of mine, I hope my heart reaches yours regardless of how many eras may have passed before and after us. So, my beloved, do not be too lonely without me. Even if you find yourself longing for my presence, just open this and my heart shall be with you.

This belongs to you, it always will.

And I do, as well.

[oscopelabs]

Isn’t Everything Autobiographical?: Ethan Hawke In Nine Films And A Novel by Marya Gates

When asked during his first ever on-camera interview if he’d like to continue acting, a young Ethan Hawke replied, “I don’t know if it’s going to be there, but I’d like to do it.” He then gives a guileless shrug of relief as the interview ends, wiping imaginary sweat off his brow. The simultaneous fusion of his nervous energy and poised body language will be familiar to those who’ve seen later interviews with the actor. The practicality and wisdom he exudes at such a young age would prove to be a through-line of his nearly 40-year career. In an interview many decades later, he told Ideas Tap that many children get into acting because they’re seeking attention, but those who find their calling in the craft discover that a “desire to communicate and to share and to be a part of something bigger than yourself takes over, a certain craftsmanship—and that will bring you a lot of pleasure.”

Through Hawke’s dedication to his craft, we’ve also seen his maturation as a person unfold on screen. Though none of his roles are traditionally what we think of when we think of autobiography, many of Hawke’s roles, as well as his work as a writer, suggest a sort of fictional autobiographical lineage. While these highlights in his career are not strictly autofiction, one can trace Hawke’s Künstlerromanesque trajectory from his childhood ambitions to his life now as a man dedicated to art, not greatness. 

Hawke’s first two films, Joe Dante’s sci-fi fantasy Explorers with River Phoenix and Peter Weir’s Dead Poets Society with Robin Williams, set the tone for a diverse filmography filled with popcorn fare and indie cinema in equal measure, but they also served as touchstones in his development as person drawn to self-expression through art. In an interview with Rolling Stone’s David Fear, Hawke spoke about the impact of these two films on him as an actor. When River Phoenix, his friend and co-star in Explorers, had his life cut short by a drug overdose, it hit Hawke personally. He saw from the inside what Hollywood was capable of doing to young people with talent. Hawke never attempted to break out, to become a star. He did the work he loved and kept the wild Hollywood lifestyle mostly at arm’s length. 

Like any good film of this genre, Dead Poets Society is not just a film about characters coming of age, but a film that guides the viewer as well, if they are open to its message. Hawke’s performance as repressed schoolboy Todd in the film is mostly internal, all reactions and penetrating glances, rather than grandiose movements or speeches. Through his nervy body language and searching gaze, you can feel both how closed off to the world Todd is, and yet how willing he is to let change in. Hawke has said working on this film taught him that art has a real power, that it can affect people deeply. This ethos permeates many of the characters Hawke has inhabited in his career. 

In Dead Poets Society, Mr. Keating (Robin Williams) tells the boys that we read and write poetry because the human race is full of passion. He insists, “poetry, beauty, romance, love—these are what we stay alive for.” Hawke gave a 2020 TEDTalk entitled Give Yourself Permission To Be Creative, in which he explored what it means to be creative, pushing viewers to ask themselves if they think human creativity matters. In response to his own question, he said “Most people don’t spend a lot of time thinking about poetry, right? They have a life to live and they’re not really that concerned with Allen Ginsberg’s poems, or anybody’s poems, until their father dies, they go to a funeral, you lose a child, somebody breaks your heart, they don’t love you anymore, and all of the sudden you’re desperate for making sense out of this life and ‘has anyone ever felt this bad before? How did they come out of this cloud?’ Or the inverse, something great. You meet somebody and your heart explodes. You love them so much, you can’t even see straight, you know, you’re dizzy. ‘Did anybody feel like this before? What is happening to me?’ And that’s when art is not a luxury. It’s actually sustenance. We need it.” 

Throughout many of his roles post-Dead Poets Society, Hawke explores the nature of creativity through his embodiment of writers and musicians. Often these characters are searching for a greater purpose through art, while ultimately finding that human connection is the key. Without that human connection, their art is nothing.

We see the first germ of this attraction to portray creative people on screen with his performance as Troy Dyer in Reality Bites. As Troy Dyer, a philosophy-spouting college dropout turned grunge-band frontman in Reality Bites, Hawke was posited as a Gen-X hero. His inability to keep a job and his musician lifestyle were held in stark contrast to Ben Stiller’s yuppie TV exec Michael Grates. However in true slacker spirit, he isn’t actually committed to the art of music, often missing rehearsals, as Lelaina points out. Troy even uses his music at one point to humiliate Lelaina, dedicating a rendition of “Add It Up” by Violent Femmes to her. The lyrics add insult to injury as earlier that day he snuck out of her room after the two had sex for the first time. Troy’s lack of commitment to his music matches his inability to commit to those relationships in his life that mean the most to him. 

Reality Bites is also where he first positioned himself as one of the great orators of modern cinema.” Take this early monologue, in which he outlines his beliefs to Winona Ryder’s would-be documentarian Lelaina Pierce: “There’s no point to any of this. It’s all just a random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of near escapes. So I take pleasure in the details. You know, a quarter-pounder with cheese, those are good, the sky about ten minutes before it starts to rain, the moment where your laughter become a cackle, and I, I sit back and I smoke my Camel Straights and I ride my own melt.” 

Hawke brings the same intense gaze to this performance as he did to Dead Poets Society, as if his eyes could swallow the world whole. But where Todd’s body language was walled-off, Troy’s is loud and boisterous. He’s quick to see the faults of those around him, but also the good things the world has to offer. It’s a pretty honest depiction of how self-centered your early-20s tend to be, where riding your own melt seems like the best option. As the film progresses, Troy lets others in, saying to Lelaina, “This is all we need. A couple of smokes, a cup of coffee, and a little bit of conversation. You, me and five bucks.”

Like the character, Hawke was in his early twenties and as he would continue to philosophize through other characters, they would age along with him and so would their takes on the world. If you only engage with anyone at one phase in their life, you do a disservice to the arc of human existence. We have the ability to grow and change as we learn who we are and become less self-centered. In Hawke’s career, there’s no better example of this than his multi-film turn as Jesse in the Before Trilogy. While the creation of Jesse and Celine are credited to writer-director Richard Linklater and his writing partner Kim Krizan, much of what made it to the screen even as early as the first film were filtered through the life experiences of Hawke and his co-star Julie Delpy. 

In a Q&A with Jess Walter promoting his most recent novel A Bright Ray of Darkness, Hawke said that Jesse from the Before Trilogy is like an alt-universe version of himself, and through them we can see the self-awareness and curiosity present in the early ET interview grow into the the kind of man Keating from Dead Poets Society urged his students to become. 

In Before Sunrise, Hawke’s Jesse is roughly the same age as Troy in Reality Bites, and as such is still in a narcissistic phase of his life. After spending several romantic hours with Celine in Vienna, the two share their thoughts about relationships. Celine says she wants to be her own person, but that she also desperately wants to love and be loved. Jesse shares this monologue, “Sometimes I dream about being a good father and a good husband. And sometimes it feels really close. But then other times it seems silly, like it would ruin my whole life. And it’s not just a fear of commitment or that I’m incapable of caring or loving because. . . I can. It’s just that, if I’m totally honest with myself, I think I’d rather die knowing that I was really good at something. That I had excelled in some way than that I’d just been in a nice, caring relationship.”

The film ends without the audience knowing if Jesse and Celine ever see each other again. That initial shock is unfortunately now not quite as impactful if you are aware of the sequels. But I think it is an astute look at two people who meet when they are still discovering who they are. Still growing. Jesse, at least, is definitely not ready for any kind of commitment. Then of course, we find out in Before Sunset that he’s fumbled his way into marriage and fatherhood, and while he’s excelling at the latter, he’s failing at the former. 

As in Reality Bites, Hawke explores the dynamics of band life again in Before Sunset, when Jesse recalls to Celine how he was in a band, but they were too obsessed with getting a deal to truly enjoy the process of making music. He says to her, “You know, it's all we talked about, it was all we thought about, getting bigger shows, and everything was just...focused on the future, all the time. And now, the band doesn't even exist anymore, right? And looking back at the... at the shows we did play, even rehearsing... You know, it was just so much fun! Now I'd be able to enjoy every minute of it.”

The filming of Before Sunset happened to coincide with the dissolution of Hawke’s first marriage. And while these films are not autobiographical, everyone involved have stated that they’ve added personal elements to their characters. They even poke fun at it in the opening scene when a journalist asks how autobiographical Jesse’s novel is. True to form, he responds with a monologue, “Well, I mean, isn’t everything autobiographical? I mean, we all see the world through our own tiny keyhole, right? I mean, I always think of Thomas Wolfe, you know. Have you ever seen that little one page note to reader in the front of Look Homeward, Angel, right? You know what I'm talking about? Anyway, he says that we are the sum of all the moments of our lives, and that, anybody who sits down to write is gonna use the clay of their own life, that you can’t avoid that.”

While Before Sunset was shot in 2003, released in 2004 and this monologue refers to the fictional book within the trilogy entitled This Time, Hawke would take this same approach more than a decade later with his novel A Bright Ray of Darkness.

In the novel, Hawke crafts a quasi-autobiographical story, using his experience in theater to work through the perspective he now has on his failed marriage to Uma Thurman. Much like Jesse in Before Sunset, Hawke is reluctant to call the book autobiographical, but the parallels to his own divorce are evident. And as Jesse paraphrased Wolfe, isn’t everything we do autobiographical? In the book, movie star William Harding has blown up his seemingly picture-perfect marriage with a pop star by having an affair while filming on location in South Africa. The book, structured in scenes and acts like a play, follows the aftermath as he navigates his impending divorce, his relationship with his small children, and his performance as Hotspur in a production of Henry IV on Broadway. 

Throughout much of the novel, William looks back at the mistakes he made that led to the breakup of his marriage. He’s now in his 30s and has the clarity to see how selfish he was in his 20s. Hawke, however, was in his forties while writing the book. Through the layers of hindsight, you can feel how Hawke has processed not just the painful emotional growth spurt of his 20s, but also the way he can now mine the wisdom that comes from true reflection. Still, as steeped as the novel is in self-reflection, it does not claim to have all the answers. In fact, it offers William, as well as the readers, more questions to contemplate than it does answers.

The wisdom to know that you will never quite understand everything is broached by Hawke early in the third film in the Before Trilogy, 2013’s Before Midnight. At this point in their love story, Jesse’s marriage has ended and he and Celine are parents to twin girls. Jesse has released two more books: That Time, which recounts the events of the previous film, and Temporary Cast Members of a Long-Running But Little Seen Production of a Play Called Fleeting. Before Midnight breaks the bewitching spell of the first two films by adding more cast members and showing the friction that comes with an attempt to grow old with someone. When discussing his three books, a young man says the title of his third is too long, Jesse says it wasn’t as well loved, and an older professor friend says it’s his best book because it’s more ambitious. It seems Linklater and company already knew how the departure of this third film might be regarded by fans. But it is this very departure that shows their commitment to honestly showing the passage of time and our relationship to it. 

About halfway through the film Jesse and Celine depart the Greek villa where they have been spending the summer, and we finally get a one-on-one conversation like we’re used to with these films. In one exchange, I feel they summarize the point of the entire trilogy, and possibly Hawke’s entire ethos: 

Jesse: Every year, I just seem to get a little bit more humbled and more overwhelmed about all the things I’m never going to know or understand. 

Celine: That’s what I keep telling you. You know nothing!

Jesse: I know, I know! I'm coming around! 

[Celine and Jesse laugh.] 

Celine: But not knowing is not so bad. I mean, the point is to be looking, searching. To stay hungry, right?

Throughout the series, Linklater, Delpy, and Hawke explore what they call the “transient nature of everything.” Jesse says his books are less about time and more about perception. It’s the rare person who can assess themselves or the world around them acutely in the present. For most of us, it takes time and self-reflection to come to any sort of understanding about our own nature. Before Midnight asks us to look back at the first two films with honesty, to remove the romantic lens with which they first appeared to us. It asks us to reevaluate what romance even truly is. 

Hawke explores this same concept again in the 2018 romantic comedy Juliet, Naked. In this adaptation of the 2009 Nick Hornby novel, Hawke plays a washed-up singer-songwriter named Tucker Crowe. He had a big hit album, Juliet, in the early ‘90s and then disappeared into obscurity. Rose Bryne plays a woman named Annie whose longtime boyfriend Duncan is obsessed with the singer and the album, stuck on the way the bummer songs about a bad breakup make him feel. As the film begins, Annie reveals that she thinks she’s wasted 15 years of her life with this schmuck. This being a rom-com, we know that Hawke and Byrne’s characters will eventually meet-cute. What’s so revelatory about the film is its raw depiction of how hard it is for many to reassess who they really are later in life. 

Duncan is stuck as the self-obsessed, self-pitying person he likely was when Annie first met him, but she reveals he was so unlike anyone else in her remote town that she looked the other way for far too long. Now it’s almost too late. By chance, she connects with Crowe and finds a different kind of man.

See, when Crowe wrote Juliet, he also was a navel-gazing twentysomething whose emotional development had not yet reached the point of being able to see both sides in a romantic entanglement. He worked through his heartbreak through art, and though it spoke to other people, he didn’t think about the woman or her feelings on the subject. In a way, Crowe’s music sounds a bit like what Reality Bites’s Troy Dyer may have written, if he ever had the drive to actually work at his music. Eventually, it’s revealed that Crowe walked away from it all when Julie, the woman who broke his heart, confronted him with their child—something he was well aware of, but from which he had been running away. Faced with the harsh reality of his actions and the ramifications they had on the world beyond his own feelings, he ran even farther away from responsibility. In telling the story to Annie, he says, “I couldn’t play any of those songs anymore, you know? After that, I just... I couldn’t play these insipid, self-pitying songs about Julie breaking my heart. You know, they were a joke. And before I know it, a couple of decades have gone by and some doctor hands me... hands me Jackson. I hold him, you know, and I look at him. And I know that this boy. . . is my last chance.”

When we first meet Crowe, he’s now dedicated his life to raising his youngest son, having at this point messed up with four previous children. The many facets of parenthood is something that shows up in Hawke’s later body of work many times, in projects as wholly different as Brooklyn’s Finest, Before Midnight, Boyhood, Maggie’s Plan, First Reformed, and even his novel A Bright Ray of Darkness. In each of these projects, decisions made by Hawke’s characters have a big impact on their children’s lives. These films explore the financial pressures of parenthood, the quirks of blended families, the impact of absent fathers, and even the tragedy of a father’s wishes acquiesced without question. Hawke’s take on parenthood is that of flawed men always striving to overcome the worst of themselves for the betterment of the next generation, often with mixed results. 

Where Juliet, Naked showed a potential arc of redemption for a father gone astray, First Reformed paints a bleaker portrait. Hawke plays Pastor Toller, a man of the cloth struggling with his own faith who attempts to counsel an environmental activist whose impending fatherhood has driven him to suicidal despair. Toller himself is struggling under the weight of fatherhood, believing he sent his own son to die a needless death in a morally bankrupt war. Sharing the story, he says “My father taught at VMI. I encouraged my son to enlist. It was the family tradition. Like his father, his grandfather. Patriotic tradition. My wife was very opposed. But he enlisted against her wishes. . . .  Six months later he was killed in Iraq. There was no moral justification for this conflict. My wife could not live with me after that. Who could blame her? I left the military. Reverend Jeffers at Abundant Life Church heard about my situation. They offered me a position at First Reformed. And here I am.” How do we carry the weight of actions that affect lives that are not even our own? 

If Peter Weir set the father figure template in Dead Poets Society, and Paul Schrader explored the consequences of direct parental influence on their children’s lives, director Richard Linklater subverts the idea of a mentor-guide in Boyhood, showing both parents are as lost as the kid himself. When young Mason (Ellar Coltrane) asks his dad (Hawke) what’s the point of everything, his reply is “I sure as shit don’t know. Nobody does. We’re all just winging it.” As the film ends, Mason sits atop a mountain with a new friend he’s made in the dorms discussing time. She says that everyone is always talking about seize the moment—carpe diem!—but she thinks it’s the other way around. That the moments seize us. In Reality Bites, Troy gets annoyed at Lelaina’s constant need to “memorex” everything with her camcorder, yet Boyhood is a film about capturing a life over a 12-year period. The Before Trilogy checks in on Jesse and Celine every nine years. Hawke’s entire career. in fact, has captured his growth from an awkward teen to a prolific artist and devoted father, a master of his craft and philosopher at heart. 

[ktffansub]

Bijutsu Techo: Boys Love – Interview: Yoneda Kou

This article was first published in November 17th, 2014. Translated from Japanesse to Bahasa Indonesia by kalengjelek and then translated from Bahasa Indonesia to English by KTFfansub. Source: here

When did you first encounter manga?

I was born in a family with three daughters; while my older sister likes reading Ribbon magazine, I like reading Nakayoshi. It was the era of Asagiri Yuu-sensei, when I was in elementary school. My favorite at that time were Kusunoki Kei sensei’s works and Patlabor. When it came to Shonen, I would say I was more into Shounen Sunday. I also loved Kawaraha Izumi sensei’s works. When I think about it, rather than manga that were full of passion, I’d actually prefer manga that had calm and soothing kind of vibe.

Is that so… What about BL?

When I was in Junior High, my older sister showed me Captain Tsubasa Doujinshi by Ozaki Minami and I was dumbfounded, I thought, “So, there’s also a world like this!”. After that, I started to buy BL manga. At that time, the mangaka who left the most impression to me was Nishi Keikosensei. Her works such as Mizu Ga Koori Ni Naru Toki, Tenshi Ni Naranakya have unique openings, it made me reread them many times. Uida Shiuko (now Kano Shiuko) and Yoshinaga Fumi Sensei are also my favorite mangaka.

When was the first time you draw manga?

I seriously began drawing manga in my first year of junior high. At first, I drew a pair of man and woman, but after page three, I felt something was off. So, I tried drawing BL for the next one. Just like the present, I’ve always loved less expressive and less-talkactive main characters (laughs). But the more I draw, then an attentive senpai with good personality and short haired ones like Togawa in Doushitemo Furetakunai also appeared. At that moment I thought, “Oh, this is it!”

You really weren’t embarrassed, are you? (laughs)

Well, it’s because it was embarrassing, that’s why I’m not really open about my drawing manga activity.

(laughs) But you debut as professional mangaka eventually, how did that happen?

Yes, after that… I worked as office lady. I got married not long after, but then, I was getting through a marriage blues. At that time, I was invested in Kakashi and Naruto shown by my older sister along with Comiket catalogue.

The power of moe beats out your anxiety (laughs)

It’s true (laughs). Escaping from reality, I checked a lot of circles and opened some sites. There I found a work from a novelist (now has debuted professionally) that I really liked. This is why I started writing novel at first, not drawing. I have a lot of ways to accommodate my moe needs. I also once drew Doujinshi but due to my inability to use a proper diction, the result wasn’t optimal (laughs). After drawing slowly and more at ease, I got into Katekyo Hitman Reborn fandom and drew a lot of doujinshi for that series. A year later, I was contacted by Taiyou Tosho publisher.

“With that publisher, Yoneda Kou published Doushitemo Furetakunai which has been adapted into a movie. Since the beginning, Yoneda Kou didn’t draw one-shot but serialization. For the movie, even though it only tells a story of daily lives, but the directing, composition and dialogue are impressive. About 4,5 years later, the second volume of Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai that had the yakuza neighborhood setting was released. This has completely different feeling compared to Doushitemo Furetakunai.”

My first work was actually published in Drap, so I had it adjusted to be a less-heavy work. That’s why I ended up switching to another magazine.

Was it a demand from the editor?

Of course I only draw what I want to draw. But without realizing, I always draw them to fit the magazine. And it seems like Taiyou Tosho prefers me to draw more simple work.

So, sensei is the type who pays attention to editor’s suggestion. When you wrote the first chapter of Saezuru Tori Wa Habatakanai, did you already want Yashiro to be the main character (for longterm series)?

Right. I didn’t explain it in the first one-shot, but I always believe that no matter how you look at it, Yashiro really loved Kageyama. And (even though he’s drawn like that) he is actually a neko (uke). I think he is an interesting character. When I drew highschooler Yashiro and others, it had been decided that I wanted to write a serialization for this.

And only then the character Doumeki was born?

At that time, the character Doumeki didn’t exist, but I thought very hard about what kind of partner that would be suitable for Yashiro. I took a break from drawing for about two years. I only worked on illustration during that time, until one morning an idea suddenly came to me, “That’s right! Erectile dysfunction!”. I immediately sent an email to my editor: “A perverted impotent man!” (laughs). Afterwards, I finally worked on the first draft.

(laughs hard) Finally, the combination of Yashiro and Doumeki who are the opposite of each other was decided. What an amazing couple that can even make the readers losing sleep.

I do have this particular interest in people’s decision and behaviour resulted from a contrasting relationship that is full of conflicts. Because there are so many characters in Saezuru, I have this excel file compiling the plot for each character chronologically. Otherwise, I would’ve forgotten about it. If I didn’t seriously research (the setting of my own story), I wouldn’t be able to write anything when I made name. But even though I got through it, drawing a family with no blood ties like yakuza was still difficult. If I don’t focus, the story might turn out like Nagara Sakugyou*. That’s why now I’m just focusing on doing Saezuru.

*) nagara sakugyou: other work that being serialized at the same time

Up until now, Sensei has published 5 volumes and all of them have beautiful covers with varied tones.

Actually, the cover color for Doushitemo Furetakunai should’ve looked like red wine, but it seemed like there was an error in printing so the pink was contrasting into it. But it turned out to be good.

Then about the cover for the Saezuru first volume. It’s so impressive! The stepped-on man! All the people around me also had high appraise for this.

Actually, there were so many things happened in the process. By taking the request (it isn’t clearly explained whether it’s from editor/designer) of “Yashiro sitting alone”, I first submitted that illustration to the book designer. However, I couldn’t throw away the idea of Yashiro being stepped on, so, during the next three days I was stressed out. I’ve finally asked them to keep my idea and that’s how the cover of the first volume ended up the way it is now.

I see! For the second volume, it’s totally different, isn’t it? It’s a scenery, but when you do a double take, there are Yashiro and Doumeki!

I always want to give a different vibe in each volume. Actually I’m also a fan of the way Tsumugi Taku-sensei draws scenery.

Hoo-, sensei is a fan of Tsumugi sensei! Talking abough NIGHTS, when you open the cover, there’s a surprise in it!

Yes, if you look at the rough sketches there were 4 pages of picture that were interconnected. In the end, the desainer took picture number two as the cover and number four to put it on the bottom of the back cover. For Soredemo, I didn’t get any guide from the book designer. I combined the the feel of the story with a touch of water paint. At first, I actually wanted to make Deguchi pulling Onoda’s hand to get out of the train, but it ended up looking like Deguchi forced Onoda to stay (with him). So I decided it’s Onoda who’s getting off the train by himself with Deguchi waiting on the platform.

Do you do the coloring with computer? How about the non-colored script?

I use SAI for coloring but for monochrome I usually draw by my hand until the inking, then I do the tone using photoshop.

Do you self-learned drawing?

Well, I at least bought a lot of ‘pose reference’ books often. When it comes to buy things, it feels great, doesn’t it? But when it comes to manga, we draw to tell our moe concept.. well, I love drawing moe concept, but the thing is- I’m not really good at drawing. I like thinking about moe stuff, I also like to combine colors (inside my head) but when I do, I have no desire to draw I, even though that’s the important part. There are often times when I feel like drawing is a handful. In short, I want to draw something that isn’t too troublesome.

But, isnt it because you’re doing manga seriously that it feels difficult?

Because I’m too serious I feel like the story can be boring. Not only the work but also the author (laughs). I often read comments saying my manga is ‘down to earth’. I guess it’s shown obviously in every each of my works

Sure, there are people who think like, “In real world, there’s no way a wakagashira can be as masochist as Yashiro”, but apart from that, Saezuru still gives an impression of it being realistic. In drawing the important men’s arms and muscles in your work, sensei has done your best. Getting into the story, the characters also put extra effort to look elegant. Despite the young age, in a positive sense, sensei’s works feels like having Showa* vibe.

(*SHOWA ERA: 1926~1989)

I’m no longer young, though (laughs). Maybe this is why my works often get called “JUNE”. Especially Saezuru, I think it really fits (JUNE concept).

Are you an organized person?

I’m actually a person who have no chill (laughs). But I have this side of myself who tend to see things as a whole, look at my surrounding then step on the brake. There is also a side of me that is so energetic in creating my own moe that I turn into a selfish person. I guess that’s also my flaw.

It seems like sensei is the type who has her own editorial meeting inside her head (laughs)

I wish it’s not true, but unfortunately, I’m the type of person who is embarrased to admit that I have a relationship with manga. Even until now I have yet told my close friends about this job (as BL mangaka). I’m not that kind of person who like to share or tell others about my moe situation inside my head. When my moe concept is being visualized in public I would scream, “Don’t look! But if you want to read it, I’d be happy”. Yes, I’m that kind of person.

I wonder if sensei’s works are the manifestation of sensei’s own self-contradictions..

[jadedxrealityw]

-Cold- Loki Laufeyson x Female Reader

    ☼-☪-☼

   Kody: First Loki imagine, let’s do this. DISCLAIMER. MOST OF THE DIALOGUE FROM THE CANONICAL CHARACTERS IS TAKEN DIRECTLY FROM THE MOVIE TO MAKE IT MORE REALISTIC. YOU CAN TELL WHICH PARTS I WROTE AND DIDN’T WRITE. OKAY? okayyyy

   Movie/Show: Thor: Ragnarok- but you somehow know strange. Don’t question me lmao. 

   Summary: while staying with Dr. Strange for a bit, you end up meeting your old friend again, Thor. What you don’t expect is too meet with his adopted brother Loki. Who turns out to be your perfect match (Vague for reasons)

   Possible Triggers / Warnings: Very long story, Slowburn, Steven and Tony being a dad, cursing, Val being kinda great

    ☼-☪-☼

   sometimes being stuck in the avengers base was.....stressful. with Vision being like a newborn baby around everything, you constantly had to help him understand certain things. Like a microwave or a stove since he wanted to learn how to cook for Wanda. Kinda cute actually. 

   you could hear Natasha cry at night about Bruce vanishing during the battle against Ultron. You tried to comfort hr once or twice, but she was adamant about handling it on her own. You wish you could have helped more. It’s not like you could hug her without layers of clothing covering almost every inch of your skin.

   oh yeah, the whole reason you were even there is because Tony Stark had found you with Wanda and Pietro. You were slightly different from them, no telekinesis, telepathy, or enhanced agility and reflexes. Your mercular DNA was ripped apart then put back together with enhancements, unique ones. 

   your body was now able to freeze anything with just a touch and manipulate it, but with all powers. There were side effects. You couldn’t touch anyone without giving them frostbite. Your powers were too much for you too handle so your body was constantly below freezing. 

   it was terrible. You had lived so long without the feeling of another's skin on yours. You could never, hug, hold someone's hand, kiss, do....that. You were condemned to a life of touch starvation. It sucked, but you still kept a smile on your face. 

   during a errand run in new york you had met Steven Strange. You had recognized him from his work as a doctor and gave him your condolences for his accident. He seemed to take some sort of interest in you, which you later figured out that he knew you had your ‘enhancements’ from the news. 

   he explained to you that with his help he may be able to train you to keep your body temperature at a normal human one. You were a bit off put by his offer and he gave you a simple address in case you changed your mind and with that. You left. 

    ☼-☪-☼

   a month later

   “Tony it’s just for a little while-”

   “No! your running off with some rando voodoo doctor who could kill you and steal your kidneys!”

   your face twinges a bit in confusion. You had told everyone that you’d be leaving for awhile and they all wished you luck on your solo adventure. You had also decided to wait till the actual day you were leaving to tell Tony. He was a tad overprotective of you when it came to strangers. 

  “He’s not going to steal my kidneys- Tony my car is waiting i have to go” you say as you pick up the bag you had dropped on the floor as the whole ordeal again. “Didn’t know you had such little trust in me” he exhales deeply, pressing a finger to his temple in visible frustration. 

   “I do trust you. I don’t trust the world outside of these walls” Tony admits. you will confess, you liked his weird fatherly side. “Well- the world as you call it can freeze if they touch me. You have to let me do things on my own Tony” you give him a half smile. 

   Tony expression turns into his thinking one, which is either a good or a very bad thing. He digs into his pocket and pulls out what looks like a jewelry box “Are you trying to bribe me with diamond earrings?” you ask, slightly unimpressed with him. 

   he rolls his eyes and lifts the lid. You see a silver necklace with a star pendant. You could faintly see a small blue crystal in the middle. It reminded you of his reactor, Clever. It was still technically a bribe, but it was indeed a beautiful necklace.

   “No. I made this about a month ago and could never think of the right time. It’s a necklace with a beacon. If you need help press the blue button under the silver lid and i’ll come get and save you. Like always” Tony finishes his sentence off with a smirk, which makes you chuckle. 

   you reach and grab the box with your gloved hand “Thank you, Tony” you say and pull the necklace out the box. You undo the clasp and wrap it around your neck, clasping it back. Tony gives you his proud dad smile and pats your shoulder “If this witch man is able to help you. I get to be your first hug”

   you break out into laughter, nodding “Of course” you say and he chuckles along with you. You hear a honk from outside “I’m coming. Chill out Happy!” you shout. Tony gulps and waves you off “Go ahead, i’m not keeping you any longer.” he says. 

   smiling, you sling the bag over your shoulder and nod at him “I’ll see you soon Tony” you say and turn around, heading out the door and towards the car waiting outside. Happy rolled down the window, same unhappy expression on his face “what took you so long!”

   rolling your eyes, you open the passenger door and throw your bag on the car floor before hoping in. “You know Tony, stubborn as ever” you reply, closing the door. Happy replies with a small hum before starting up the car. You pull out the card with the address and hand it to Happy.

   Tony watched you walk out, his face dropping a bit “Come back home kiddo”

    ☼-☪-☼

   two weeks later

   in your short time with Strange he showed you the most incredible things that you never knew. It also hurt your brain to think about how big the multiverse really was, but Strange was able to explain it in simple terms. He had also given you a meditation regiment that you followed everyday.

   it was supposed to help you calm your mind enough that you could force your body to warm up. It hasn’t changed anything so far, but Strange said it was normal. While reading a novel across from Strange who was- looking out a window. “Great” he grumbles under his breath.

   you lower the book, sliding the juice bar stamp card you used as a bookmark between the pages. “Is something wrong?” you ask, tilting your head. Strange’s eyebrows furrow “Someone who isn’t supposed to be here. Is here. Along with his slightly intelligent brother”

   what- “I don’t follow?” you say as he makes his way downstairs. You quickly jump out the chair and go to follow him. In a quick movement his cloak unclipped from his body and stopped in front of you, blocking your movements “Um Strange?” you call out.

   he stops at the bottom of the stairs and turns his head to look at you “You stay here. If there is a fight it could be dangerous” he spoke. “I can help fight with my ability-” he holds up his hand, stopping you from talking. It reminded you of Tony a little bit. 

   “That is the exact reason you need to stay. Using your powers could throw off what you have worked for so far” he spoke. Sighing deeply, you nod “Okay, i’ll stay. I promise” you say to reassure him. Strange nods and his cloak returns to him, clipping back on. 

   “Thank you” he says and lifts his arms up, he starts performing what you assume is a spell while mumbling under his breath. It lasted a couple seconds before he walked off to the lower floor. You had to ask him how he did certain spells like that portal one, just to mess with Steve. 

   you heard your stomach grumble and sighed “Strange needs to invest in a fucking microwave. I want a hot pocket so bad” 

     ☼-☪-☼

   you guilt tripped wong into magic-ing a microwave in the sanctum. Poor dude, but hey- hot pocket. You also changed out of your pjs because wong said you were ‘lazy’ what a tool. You did anyway and ended up wearing a long sleeve black turtleneck, matching gloves with heather grey and white plaid pants. 

   As you took your last bite you heard talking, but not just Stranges voice, a deeper one. Sounded somewhat familiar, but you couldn’t quite recognize it fully. It came from downstairs. You look at the steps and bit your bottom lip, thinking. Strange told you to stay, but-

   screw it

   slowly you step down, making sure it didn’t creak too loud and alarm Strange to your presence. Once you made it all the way down the voices stopped. What the hell? Oh wait they were coming from the first floor now. Was Strange just teleporting throughout sanctum.

   yes

   the talking got louder and you peaked around the corner. First you spotted Strange, twisting a strange of hair in his hands? He ended up throwing it in the air and it created a portal. Okay then. Then when you looked beside him, you saw- no, it can’t be.

   “Thor?!”

   you ran down the stairs, tripping over your feet a bit. The god turned around and smiled upon seeing you “Lady Y/n! It has been quite some time. You have grown indeed!” he says. You nod, almost reaching out to hug him, but stopped. Thor noticed and gave you a sad smile.

   “I thought i told you to stay upstairs?” Strange spoke. You chuckle nervously and gesture to Thor “I haven’t seen him in a long time. I’m sorry” you say. Strange looks like he wants to stay mad at you but exhales deeply “Your forgiven, under the circumstances”

   you smile brightly. Strange was a pretty cool guy. You turn away from him and back at Thor “So, what’s going on? Why are you back on earth? What happened to figuring out your vision and going back to asgard?” you ask a multitude of questions. 

   Thor shakes his head “My witch of a brother has hidden my father on earth and i need to get him back. This wizard has offered me help in return that i take Loki back to asgard where he belongs.” Thor explains. You nod slowly, you had never met the god of mischief himself, only heard stories.

   “Loki is here?” you ask and gaze around the room. 

   you heard Strange gasp before lifting his arms “Oh yeah right” he swirls his hands as a portal forms on the ceiling. A distant scream was heard before a man with long black hair and a matching suit popped out and crashed onto the floor, Loki. 

   Loki slowly lifts his head, whipping his hair out of his face and propping himself up on his elbows “I have been falling, for thirty minutes!” he shouts. Damn- thirty minutes? “That’s cold Strange and that’s a lot coming from me” you say, making Thor snicker a bit. 

   “You can handle it from here?” Strange nods towards Thor who does the same, reaching over to shake his hand. “Thank you very much for your help” Loki lifts himself off the floor and turns to look a Strange, glaring daggers at him. “Handle me?” he snaps, venom lacing his tone.

   Oh! Look actual daggers. Oh wait- Loki came towards Strange and in an instant your eyes turned a bright white, no pupils and your skin turned an icy white, with the nose and tips of your ears and fingers a light blue. You stepped in front of strange as cold fog emitted from your hands. 

   you were breathing heavily which came out as fog as well. Thor had seen you like this before so this was pretty normal for him.  Strange stared at you for a moment, just blinking. He had seen this before- “Don’t touch the wizard” you breathed out. 

   Loki’s angered face turned into a smug look “And who do you think you are to challenge me, mortal?” he questions, drawing closer towards you. Before any harm could be done to either of you, Thor stepped between, looking at his brother “Brother, you will not harm Lady Y/n. She is a friend”

   aw how sweet. Loki takes another look at you before his daggers retreat “Fine” he grumbles. Your skin turns back to its normal S/c and your pupils return “Thanks Thor” you say and he nods at you. Strange coughed before gesturing to the portal. 

   Thor exhales before smiling lightly “Right. Thank you so much for your help again and it was lovely to see you Lady Y/n” he spoke. You smile “Just Y/n is fine. I hope you find what your looking for” you spoke. You couldn’t imagine what you’d do if Tony went missing. Thor must have been going crazy.

   “You’ll have to tell me all about it once you get back Y/n” Strange spoke suddenly, making you turn your head to face him once again with a confused expression. “What are you talking about?” you ask. Thor steps beside you while Loki stood s a few feet behind both of you.

   “Oh you’ll be going along with them” Strange spoke casually as he began to make his way up the stairs. What the hell? “Um- why?! What about my regiment?” you question. Strange stops at the top of the stairs and faces the three of you, hands behind his back. 

   he studies your face, then Thor’s, then Loki. “Trust me” is all he says before disappearing into a portal of his own. You blinked mindlessly for a couple seconds “Uh-” “Lady Y/n- i mean just Y/n. I suppose you’ll be accompanying me and my brother. Once we return to asgard, will send you home.”

   you looked at Thor, thinking. Should you go? You had never been to another planet before, so you were completely unaware of what was too possibly happen. Even if you were afraid of the unknown, you could not pass up this opportunity “Let’s go”

   Thor pats your clothes back and smiles “Alright, into the mystic portal we go!” he cheers, making you chuckle. “Not only am i stuck with my oaf of a brother, but also some mortal quim” Loki snarls from behind you. Oh isn’t he a breath of fresh air “Yeah, cry about it antlers”

   yikes, you’ve been around tony too much. 

   Loki’s fist clench before all three of you walk through the portal.

   you all ended up in a grassy field. It was beautiful. The smell of the sea nearby filled your nose, causing a calm feeling to course through you. “I don’t see father” Thor spoke, looking around. You gaze about as well and spot a man at the edge of the field. 

   placing a glove hand on Thor, you tap him. The god looks at you as you point at Odin. Thor sighs deeply “Let’s go Loki” he spoke and waved for this brother to follow. You stayed put as Loki passed you, his arm grazing yours for a moment. There is like so much field to walk around you, but okay-

   You turn around and began to walk in the other direction, giving them some space. It wasn’t your business to put yourself into their family drama. 

    ☼-☪-☼

   You walk mindlessly for a couple minutes, making sure to stay relatively close to the brothers and his father. You stop and look at them for a moment just as Odin had turned to a fine gold powder/dust and blew away into the sky. Oh no- Odin, he’s dead. 

   just before you could even think another thought the sky began to crack in thunder. From the distance you were at you could Thor’s fingers spark up as he turned towards Loki. Oh god he’s going to kill him. Your previous thoughts of not getting involved were thrown out as you began to run towards them.

   you couldn’t let Thor hurt his brother, he would surely regret it later. A green energy ball formed couple feet in front of you, stopping you from running towards the brothers. You had stopped your feet so harshly it caused you to fall back onto your butt.

   the green energy grew bigger as the brother began to draw close to it. A flash of thunder changed Thor’s clothes into his original asgardian armor and Loki used to Magic to change his to a green leather outfit. Seemed very Loki-ish. The energy stopped forming and you were sure that Thor or Loki couldn’t see you. 

   just as fast as the green energy appeared, it vanished to reveal the back of a women, she had long black hair and a matching outfit. Who was this? That didn’t matter right now considering Thor look liked he was ready to fight which means that you had to be. 

   “So he’s gone?” the woman spoke, referring to Odin you presumed. She gazes around for a moment before looking back at the boys “Such a shame, i would have liked to have seen that” she said. Oh- well that’s just rude. “You must be Hela” Thor spoke. So that was her name.

   “I’m Thor, son of odin” he continued. He just had to introduce himself right now? How formal of him. You slowly began to stand up. This woman had not noticed you, which means you had the upper hand. “Really?” she asked, a amused tone present within her voice.

   “You don’t look like him” Hela adds. you thought Thor looked like Odin- just a tad. Why are you thinking about this right now. “Perhaps we can come to an arrangement?” Loki spoke. Well at least Thor isn’t trying to kill Loki right now. Now that you think about it Hela and Loki kind of looked alike. 

   Hela lifts her arm a bit to pint at Loki, before dropping it to her side a second later “You sound like him” she says before taking a step closer “Kneel” she commands. “Beg your pardon?” Loki leans forward as if he had not heard what he had just said. Uh oh. 

   Hela’s arm twist, a long blade forming in her hand. “Kneel...before your queen” she repeats once more. Queen?!. You take a deep breath, pupils disappearing, skin turning white and blue, and fog emitting from your hands. Let’s do this. Thor takes a step forward, gazing at you for only a second “I don’t think so”

   Loki took a glance at Thor. You both knew what the god of thunder was about to do. Thor lifts his arm and throws his hammer at Hela, but- she caught it. She caught Thor’s hammer?! Oh shit. Both Loki and Thor’s face turn into a grim and confused one. 

   “It’s..not possible” Thor spoke in disbelief. “Darling, you have no idea what’s possible” Hela spoke before squeezing her hand around Mjollnir. She was crushing the hammer. In a split second a burst of electricity and wind was sent everywhere. 

   you lift your arm and cover your face to protect your eyes. Once it died down you move your arm and saw Thor’s hammer in pieces on the grass. What was she? Who was she? Hela lifted her arms to her head and slid them back along the base of her skull, forming a large spiked crown. 

   she repeated her hand movements from earlier except with both her arms. Two blades in each hand. You had to move now. You close your palms together and pull them apart, an ice spear forming in between. You ran up to her and jumped in the air to get a higher advantage. 

   “Y/n, no!” Thor shouts as he runs up to Hela as well. Loki looks up in the sky and shouts “Bring us back!” Hela turns around quickly and spots you running towards her. Just as you were about to land on her, she grabs your neck. “Now who are you?” she asked. but you didn’t answer. 

   instead you rip a glove off one of your hands and press it to her face. Hela screams in agony and throws you towards Thor. You landed on him with hard thud. That’s going to hurt in the morning. Suddenly a portal formed around all three of you and sent you into the sky. It was the same one Thor usually left on. 

   Your body felt weird all over like you were about to vomit or pass out- maybe both. You looked up and saw Thor a few feet up above you and you assumed Loki was under you. Thor looks down at you, then Loki “Loki!” he shouts and the black haired god looks under him, you so as well. 

   Hela was just behind you all “She wasn’t even in the portals range!” you shout, earning now answer from either brothers. Lok reaches into his sleeve and pulls out a small blade. He lifts his arm and chucks it at her, but she dodges it easily and sends it flying back towards Loki.

   Loki had another blade in hand and used that one to dodge the other hela threw at him, but it sent him flying out the portal “Y/n! follow loki! I’ll find you both. I promise!” Thor shouts and without a second thought you use your spear to stab into the portal and push yourself out. 

   sometimes you wished you thought about things first. 

    ☼-☪-☼

   your head was throbbing and aching in the worst way possible, like you had crashed into a wall. Your eyes slowly open and you see a regular sky with purple portals spread throughout it- okay maybe not so normal. “Hands off of me you mewling quim!” you know that complaining tone from anywhere. 

   you push yourself off the ground, using some random junk metal to lean on. Looking around you would think you were in some junk yard. No time to wonder where you were because you had a god to help. You push things out your way before you spot what looked like scavengers, mostly wearing masks.

   they were holding onto Loki’s arms. Couldn’t he just use his magic? Guess not. Anyway, you jump down from the ledge your on, catching most of their attention “We just got on this planet and your already pissing the natives off?” you question Loki.

   he narrows his blue eyes at you as he struggles against the people holding his arms “Get on with it!” he shouts at you. No please? Whatever. You activate your powers, slowly pulling the other glove off of your hand “Hand over the god will you?” 

   “You’ll have to get through all of us!” one man shouts. They hold up their weapons at you making you sigh “Alright, have it your way” you shrug, flicking your hand, a dark blue blade with a silver handle forming in the palm of your hand. 

   the scavengers ran towards you. One swung a club at you, but you caught his arm in your hand. The man screams in agony as his whole arm turns black with frostbite. You take that opportunity to slice his now very crunchy arm off. Then it’s kind of a rinse and repeat for the rest of them until one is left. 

   The man lets go of Loki and begins to run away. Good choice. Loki drops to the ground, trying to catch his breath “Why did you follow me?” Loki asked suddenly. You look down at him and shrug “Thor asked me to in the portal. He said he’d come find us” you explain.

    you pull out the extra pair of gloves from your back pocket and slipped them on. They were a plain black leather pair. Once they were on, you hold out your hand for him to take. Loki takes one look at your hand and scoffs before standing up himself. Rude. 

   “If my brother went off to fight Hela alone. He’s most likely dead already” Loki says curtly as he dusts off his outfit. Your eyes widen a bit. Thor wasn’t dead, he couldn’t be. “Who is she anyway?” you ask. Loki’s jaw locks, glancing at the ground before you 

   “Our sister”

   your E/c eyes went wider this time. Since when did Thor have a sister? Was she adopted too? She claery had a disdain for her father just as much as Loki did. Maybe Thor was the one who was actually adopted. “Oh- wow” you comment.

   “Enough about my family. I have to figure out what planet i’m on” Loki interjects as he begins to walk away “Hey! Whether you like it or not we’re in this together, I could have left your ass to die, remember that!” you shout at him. His walking stops and he faces you once more- oh shit. 

   he steps towards you and you back up until a piece of debris. Loki stops inches from your face, his hand reaching up to your neck to hold it in his hand “Don’t assume for a moment that you and i are some sort of friends like you are with my brother” he speaks lowly. 

   you glare right back at him “Let go of me before i put a icicle through your eye” you snarl at him. A small smirk forms on his face “You put up this illusion that you are as tough as nails, but i can see right through you. Your just as broken as the rest of us. Let’s explore that shall we?”

   Loki reaches up and places his hand on your forehead. 

    ☼-☪-☼

  two years ago

   Loki opened his eyes and looked around the room. Where was he? He was in the darkest memories of your mind.  “Put her in the chamber” Strucker spoke as three men went over to grab a pale woman on the floor. You. You were wearing a hospital gown and your hair was overgrown. 

   you flaid, kicked, and screamed “Please! No! i’ll try harder i swear! Please!” when you had first developed your powers and the doctors realized they couldn’t touch you Strucker thought you had been doing it on purpose. So mean with full body suits would put you in a heat chamber. 

   the intense heat had a even stronger effect on you because of your unique enhancement. Strucker opens the door as the three men throw you in. You land on the ground with a hard thud and stand up quickly, running towards the door but it had already shut. 

   Strucker stands outside the glass window that showed you inside and looked towards a woman sitting at the desk “Turn it on, the highest it can go” he spoke and she nods, pressing a green button before pushing a dial up. Loki looks confused for a moment as he stands beside strucker. 

   the room starts to heat up and you fall to the ground your tears sizzling as they ran down your face. At the moment Loki took a step back. Heat exhaustion. A form of torture he knew all to well. something he hoped to never witness again. You let out screams of agony until you eventually passed out.

   back in 2012 when earth was attack by Loki he was under the control of Thanos who had kidnapped him and tortured him with the same methods because of his Jotun side. It worked nonetheless and he was under Thanos’s control. 

    ☼-☪-☼

   Loki opened his eyes and snatched his hand away from your head. You slid down against the debris until you hit the ground with a small thud. He had made you relive your worst fears like it had just happened only moments ago. How could he do such a thing. 

   “I’m so-” before Loki could say another word he felt something bite at his neck. He hissed and reached for his neck and felt something cold and metallic. He tried to tug it off, but instead got harsh bursts of electricity shot through his body over and over again. 

   he fell to the ground, shaking violently, turning his head he saw you. You were holding your face, still shaken up. Loki watched as someone came up to you and hit you with a blunt object, knocking you out cold. Loki reached his hand out to you, but it seemed his body gave up on him and he passed out.

    ☼-☪-☼

   Loki awoke with the sound of people talking around him. He went to move his arms first but they were chained behind his back “Oh look he’s awake good! Hello! I’m the grandmaster, ruler of Sakaar.” a man with blue strips on his face spoke and a robe type outfit. 

   “May i ask why i’m in chains?” Loki questions with his usual ‘i could kill all of you’ smirk. The grandmaster shrugs his shoulders “Had to make sure you and your friend weren’t hostile. It’s only temporary of course” He says. Friend? Who was he talking about? Y/n.

   Loki looked around instantly, trying to find you of course “Oh yes, she’s currently in the infirmary Our scraper hit her a bit too hard. Anyway, whats your name?” the grandmaster asked, gesturing to the scraper next to him. Some random girl with light brown skin and white markings over her face.

   he would kill her later.

   “Loki of asgard, god of mischief” he spoke, giving his best presentable grin. The grandmaster laughs. Rude “God of mischief, how spooky. Tell me god of pranks, did you fight on asgard?” he questions. Loki raises a brow. What was this man playing at?

   “i was used for my intelligence more then my strength. Battle plans, strategies, political consultant and such” Loki explains, slightly lying out of his ass. the grandmaster looked impressed, at least that’s what Loki thought. How would we get out of this one? 

   “Hm. Well- you will be spared from fighting in the contest of champions as well as your lady friend. As long as you swear your undying loyalty to me and my planet” The Grandmaster stands up from his chair and walks to Loki. He waves his hand at one of the guards.

   the guard beside Loki reached down to uncuff his hands and took off his neck chip. Loki shrugged them off before standing up, rubbing his wrists. The Grandmaster stood in front of him with his hand out. Loki gave him a grin and grabbed his hand, shaking it “I swear” he spoke. 

  the Grandmaster smile before his eyes trail him up and down “How bout we get you into some yellow. green’s a bit tacky”

   “Pardon?”

    ☼-☪-☼

   later that night

   a guard escorted Loki to his accommodations in his new green and yellow suit. “Green is not tacky, it’s a very classy color. What a moron” he grumbles under his breath. Once the door open, he stepped inside and looked around. (similar to Hulks, but dark green and white)

   it’ll do for now. He only got to take one step before he was pushed against a wall, something cold and sharp jabbed at the side of his neck, pressing firmly but not enough to break skin “Oh- it’s just you” a voice spoke. Yours. Loki looked down at you. 

   your head had a bandage around it and your top was missing leaving you in a black sports bra and your plaid pants from earlier. loki couldn’t help but notice your delectable figure, making him breath heavily “Eyes up here you son of a bitch” you snap, pressing the icicle further in his neck.

   Loki looked at your face and notice a bruise forming on your jaw. It made him....angry to say the least, but he couldn’t understand why. “Would you kindly get that out of my face. I just saved us” he says. You give him a ‘what’ face and slowly remove the icicle, your body turning back to normal once again. 

   “How?” you question, walking towards the bed in the center of the room, Loki following “I have made good with Grandmaster so he wont make us compete in some barbaric tournament” he spoke, boosting his own ego really You roll your eyes and take a seat on the bed “How does that help us, were still stuck here”

   Loki scoffs “I just made sure you weren’t going to be killed. You could at least say thank you” you felt a anger boiling within you “Thank you?! You want me to say thank you?! Remember we aren’t friends. I should have stayed with Thor, but for some reason i cant comprehend, he still cares about you”

   Loki felt his chest tighten a bit at your words about his brother. You were right. No matter how much he betrayed Thor he would always be at his side to fight alongside him, but he never admitted it. “I should have used my necklace. I should have never left the base” you thought aloud

   the god looked puzzled “What necklace?” you look at him for a moment then at the ceiling “Tony gave me this necklace with a beacon. I had forgotten all about it until some bitch nurse took it away because it wasn’t aloud. I tried to get it back, but she pushed me into a wall” you replied. 

   Loki looked around the room once more and spotted a conjoining room, before he could say anything you stood up, grabbing your shirt and all of your dignity along with you “Goodnight’ you spoke before walking into said room and slamming the door shut. 

   this was going to suck

    ☼-☪-☼

   ‘Put her in the chamber!’

   no please..

   ‘Your worthless!’

    no i’m not

   you sat up in a cold sweat, more literally then normal. You looked around the room and noticed a cold fog. Turning your head, you look out the window. Pitch black. If you squint hard enough you could see your reflection. Yep white skin You change yourself back.

   the door burst open and standing in the doorway is Loki, hair no longer slicked back but disheveled and wearing a simple black shirt and matching pants. he had daggers in his hands, looking ready for a fight “What are you doing?” you ask.

   Loki looks confused “Why did you scream? I thought you were being attacked” he spoke, annoyance in his voice. You narrow your eyes and turn to your side, facing away from him “Get out” you spoke, not really wanting to see his face. He had no right to ask that. 

   “Pardon-”

   “I said get the hell out!” 

       ☼-☪-☼

   three days later

   you never left the room. To the Grandmaster, you were Loki’s property so he didn’t really care much. The servants came and brought you breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Some brought you books to read and others didn’t. You had also been avoiding the god himself. 

   he had tried starting a conversation with you once or twice, but it never really went to his plan. Mostly ending up with you threatening to kill him or you telling him off. Loki was stain in your life all you wanted was to be rid off him and go back home. 

   you had just wrapped a towel around your body, hair dripping from being in the bath. As you went to open the door the god was standing just outside the door, holding a towel in his hand. His blue eyes trailed up and down your body. You pushed past him and walked into your room, shutting the door.

   Loki felt his body tingle in way it hadn’t before. He exhaled deeply before walking into the bathroom and shutting the door 

    ☼-☪-☼

   later that night (again)

   you sat up screaming bloody murder as you gripped your head. Instead of nightmare you had a nighterror instead. Your body was thrashing around like someone was attacking, but no one was. Just like last time Loki opened your door, almost breaking it off the hinges.

   he looked at your state and practically jumped on your bed. His face made him looked..worried? You back away instinctively “No you can’t touch-” Loki cuts you off by wrapping his arms around you, pulling you into his chest. How- how was this happening. You couldn’t touch anyone before, why now?”

   you didn’t notice the cold tears running down your face as Loki rubbed your back in soothing circles “How is this possible? I thought that-” “You can’t touch anyone because of your ability, but...what a i am, what i really am makes me immune to the cold in any form” he explains. 

   so this is what another's skin felt like. Soft, a little different from yours. You pull away a bit and began to touch different parts of his face. You run a finger along the side of his face, making him inhale sharply “what’re doing?” he asked in a low tone. 

   “I have never touched another person with my bare hand. Im curious” you say. Loki sighs and lets you continue your weird- whatever this could be called. After a couple minutes you let go of him, wiping your face “Your still a dick for what you did” you say. 

   Loki sighs, nodding his head ‘I’ve been told, by multiple people. I hope this makes up for it just a little” he says. Hope? You nod once “Yeah, your getting there. Now out antlers i have to sleep” you say, a grin forming on your face. Loki grumbles “That’s just rude”

       ☼-☪-☼

   two weeks later

   “I don’t even like parties” you spoke, looking at the words in your book. “You’ve been cooped up in this room for two whole weeks. You need to try and have some fun” Loki insisted. You look up and him and sighed, damn god. “fine, but no promises i’ll be having any fun. I also have nothing to wear”

   Loki’s smile turned into a grin “stand up” he instructs. You roll your eyes and place the novel down before standing up from your seat “You better not do anything mischievous Loki” you say and he shrugs his shoulders. In a split second your hair was done and your outfit had changed. 

   the top part of the dress was a blue and a tad bronze lined leather that connected with some icy blue tool that made the bottom part. You looked, beautiful. “This doesn’t look like Sakaar attire?” you question, looking from the dress to him. Loki nods once, stepping towards you. 

   “That’s because it isn’t. It’s a tradition asgardian dress” he explains. You hummed in response “Really? I don’t think i do it much justice then” you spoke with a small laugh, turning around to face the large decorative mirror that was behind you. 

   you look at yourself in the dress, touching your face and squeezing your waist a bit. as you do so, Loki walks forward and stops a couple inches behind you. he leans down so his chin his hovering over your shoulder. You could feel his breath on your neck “I think you look lovely. Now, shall we?”

    ☼-☪-☼

   it was a couple hours into the party and Loki was chatting it up with some people. Telling them life stories that he clearly altered to be in his favor while you sat beside him, silent. “And in that moment, i let go” the people around you laughed while you rolled your eyes. 

   “Y/n!”

   “Loki!”

   you and Loki both turn your heads to the right at the sound of your names being called. Oh my gods. Thor?! You stood up quickly, Loki following you hesitantly “Excuse me for a second”. “Loki, over here!” Thor yells again, catching the attention of a few people. 

   Loki stood in front of his brother while you were beside Thor in the chair “Shh, Shh. Shut up!” Loki snapped in a hushed tone. “What?” Thor replied in the same hushed tone. “Your alive?” Loki looks his brother up and down while Thor just looked confused “Ah yes of course i’m alive!” 

   “What’re you doing here?” Loki questions. “What do you mean ‘what am i doing?’ I’m stuck in this stupid chair! Where’s your chair!?” Thor asked, making you stifle a chuckle. “We didn’t get a chair” Loki says, waving his hand towards you. 

   Thor glances at you for a moment and you give hima half smile before he turns back to his brother. “Well get me out of this one” Thor commands, struggling against the metal clasps that held his arms in place. “I can’t” Loki replies. What? Why couldn’t he help him?

   “Get me out!”

   “I can’t”

   “What?”

   Loki points into a random direction “I made friends with this man. he’s called the Grandmaster-” he explains. Oh yeah- the whole loyalty thing. Thor shakes his head “What’re you crazy?!” Thor accuses. You asked yourself that sometimes. “-I’ve gained his favor. The bifrost spat me out here weeks ago”

   “He thinks i’m Loki’s property, so yeah your right. Crazy”

   where has Thor been these past two and a half weeks? Thor looked extremely confused now “Weeks ago?! I- i just got here” he tries to say. You look up and see the face of the Grandmaster across from you “Oh shit!” you jump, holding onto the glass in your hand. 

   “What’re we whispering about?” he says with that creepy guard lady behind him, holding the melt stick as he called it. Thor jumps up at the sound of his voice ‘Uh Ah!” he shouts while Loki grabs your arm and pulls you a few steps back from Thor along with him. 

   “Time works real different around these parts” He starts, turning the records on his dj table? I don’t know. “On any other world i’d be like millions and millions  years old, but here on Sakaar” he finished explaining then just smiled expectantly like he was waiting for someone to say something. 

   you felt Loki tighten his grip on your arm a bit. What’s got him so tense? Loki opened his mouth to speak, but closed it right after. the Grandmaster waves his hand “In any case you know this uh- this uh. What do you call yourself? Lord of thunder?”

   “God of thunder” you and Thor say at the same time. Thor nods towards the Grandmaster “Tell him” he says to Loki. the black haired god begins to laugh nervously “i’ve never met this man in my life” he says, pointing to Thor for a brief moment “Loki!” you say, hitting his shoulder. What a dick. 

   Loki looked at you with a ‘what’ face. “He’s my brother!”Thor growls, mostly upset because of Loki. “Adopted” Loki interjects, making you hit him again. The Grandmaster looks up for a moment “Is he any kind of a fighter?” he asked. It’s Thor- duh. 

   Thor begins to laugh irritably “You take this thing out of my neck and i’ll show you” he threatens. You sigh deeply. Men am i right. The Grandmaster laughs along with him “Oh look at that he’s threatening me” he coos like Thor was some sort of baby. 

   “Hey sparkles-” the Grandmaster starts, making thor struggles against the chair once more “-you want to get back to ass..place. Ass berg-” he says. Oh he did not just say that. “Asgard!” You and Thor shout in unison. Loki gives you another look “Oh shut up your not helping, Loki”

   “-any contender who defeats my champion there freedom they shall win” you had heard about the Grandmaster’s contender =, but had never saw him. He was supposedly undefeated, but this is Thor were talking about here. “Fine! Then point me in the direction to whoever's ass i have to kick!”

   the Grandmaster smile and waves his fingers at Thor “That’s what i call contender” he says excitedly before lifting up this remot like object “The direction that would be in this way lord” he presses a button and Thor’s chair begins to move away. 

   “Loki!” Thor shouts. You pull yourself out of Loki’s grip and lift the bottom of your dress off the floor so you could run up to the chair. You face Thor and smile “I’m going to get you out okay?” you say before two guards grab both of your arms. Damn- they had gloves on. 

   “Remove your arms from Lady Y/n you buffoons!” Thor shouts before he disappears around the corner. You struggle against there grip for a second before managing to rip your arm from one of them. Your skin turned it’s icy white and blue and your pupils vanished. 

   just as you formed a icicle, someone grabbed your arm. You looked at who it was and saw Loki. “Think for a moment before you kill somebody. Now let’s go” he didn’t give a chance to reply before dragging you out the party hall. What a hypocrite honestly. He killed people all the time. 

       ☼-☪-☼

   “You are insufferable, you know that!” you shout as Loki closes the door to your shared room “I’m insufferable!? You almost got yourself killed and for what?!” Loki shouts back. “To tell Thor that everything was going to work out. All you did was make it worse Loki. That’s all you ever seem to do!”

   Loki’s jaw clenched, his hands tightening into a fist “Don’t talk as if you know me!” he snaps at you. Loki walks up to you and pushes you up against the wall, his hand grabbed both of yours and held them over your head. Kinky- not now, just not now. 

    “Oh screw you and your I’m misunderstood bullshit! You left Thor hanging out to dry again and in the end of it all he still called out for your name! You know one day Thor is going to give up on you and your going to wish you had at least tried to be a good brother”

   Loki was breathing heavily as his blue eyes bore deep within your very soul. He looked at your face, studying every inch you had to offer. In a quick motions he dips down closer, his lips centimeters away from yours. Loki’s face scrunches up. He was debating in his hand. A battle in his own mind if you will. 

   he backs away from you, letting go off your hands “If you want to talk to my brother, follow me” he says and heads back towards the door. You felt almost disappointed that he didn’t keep going. Was that wrong? 

    ☼-☪-☼

   in the end you and Loki could not physically find away into the holding room that Thor and the other contenders were in, but Loki said he could create an illusion of you both to talk to him. As long as you got to see Thor “Ready?” Loki asked and you nodded once.  

   you only blink once and suddenly your in this brown, dirty, circular shaped room. What a mess. “Odin-” you heard someone speak dn turned to your left to see Thor. He was kneeling over some homemade shrine.  “I bid you take your place in the halls of Valhalla-” he spoke. 

   it was probably a some sort of prayer they used after a loved one has died. “- Where the brave shall live forever. Where thine enemies have been vanquished, Nor shall we mourn but rejoice” this what heartbreaking to hear honestly. Thor was always the toughest guy you knew and now you were witnessing this.

   everyone has feelings though. Even witches like Loki

   “For those who have died The glorious death” Loki chimed in with Thor. The god of thunder turns around and sits against the wall “Lady Y/n” he nods towards you. You give him a small smile “Hey” you reply. “Hurts doesn’t it, being lied too?” Loki started. Oh for fucks sake. 

   “Being told your one thing then learning it’s all a fiction” Thor looked at the ground before picking up a rock and tossing it in Loki’s direction. The rock went straight through Loki, making him chuckle lightly “I mean- you didn’t think i really come and see you did you? This place is disgusting” Loki gestures to the floor.

   you sigh deeply “There were guards outside- after my stunt at the party. i’m not allowed out anywhere without Loki” you explained “That’s quite alright lady Y/n. I understand. Those men didn’t hurt you, did they?” Thor asks, grabbing another rock from the floor. You shake your head “No, of course not”

   “Good” Thor replies, throwing the rock through Loki’s face “One less person i have to kill before we leave this place” he says. Still over protective of you. Some things never change though do they? “Does this mean you don’t want my help?” Loki asked, noticing how Thor only addressed you. 

   “where did you offer help in any of the words you just spoke?” You question. Loki didn’t reply to you though. Petty bitch. “I couldn’t jeopardize our-” “-Your, don’t pretend to care about lady Y/n” Thor interjected. Loki sighed before continuing. thor had clearly touched a nerve. 

   “our position with the Grandmaster. Took me time to win his trust. He's a          lunatic, but he can be amenable.” Loki replied. You shake your head “Is everyone amenable to you, Loki?” you ask, tilting your head to the side. Loki glances at you for a moment “No”

   Thor lifted another rock from the ground and threw it through Loki’s face “What I'm telling you is, you could join me at the Grandmaster's side. Perhaps, in time, an accident befalls the Grandmaster, and then...” Loki points to his brother mouthing ‘you then you ‘Y/n’ then himself ‘me’

   “Oh wow- you really do suck” you say going over to Thor and pointing at a rock “Can you throw that rock for me?” you ask and he simply nods with a smile before picking it up and throwing it at him. You smile lightly. Good friend things. You look at Loki who takes a step forward.

   “You're not seriously thinking of going back, are you?“ he asked with a questioning look. “i would” you mumble before stepping backwards. Thor looks like he had just been punched in the face, but had his hands folded casually. Thor was stubborn. 

   “Our sister destroyed your hammer like a piece of glass.“ Loki says, holding his hands out. “She's stronger than all of us. She's stronger than you“ he adds. No offense, but you definitely could’ve done some damaged if Thor had not shouted your name back at the field and alerted her to you. 

   “You don't stand a chance. Do you understand what I'm saying to you?” Loki’s tone gets more aggressive while Thor just scowls at him “Loki” you say, trying to get him to shut up. After a couple seconds Loki lets out a bitter laugh “Fine” he says. 

   “I guess I'll just have to go it alone. Like I've always done.”

   Loki’s comment makes Thor smirk. One that Loki notices “Would you say something?” Loki asked. You sigh deeply. Why do you feel as if there was going to be yelling? Anyway- Thor stays silent, looking at the ground for more stones he could throw at Loki. 

   “Say something!” Loki shouts in a louder tone

   and he does “What would you like me to say?” Thor starts. This felt awkward, being there you mean. “You stole the throne, stripped Odin of his power,          stranded him on Earth-” Loki went to say something, but Thor keeps talking “-To die, releasing the goddess of death”

   “he didn’t know that would happen Thor-” you say, but are quickly shut up just as Loki was “Have I said enough, or do you do you want me to go further back than the past two days?” Thor asked. You look at Loki who looks like he’s holding back tears at his brother cold stare. 

   nonetheless, he composes himself “You know, I haven't seen this               Beloved Champion he talks of, but I've heard he's astonishingly savage. I've placed a large wager against you tomorrow. Don't let me down.” he spoke as his illusion starts to vanish. Your time is almost up.

   you look at Thor as he lifts a glass bottle from the ground and throws it at the wall where Loki was. “Thor, your going to do great out there. I’ll be watching” you spoke and gave him a small smile. Thor looks at you and nods “Goodbye” you said and just as you blinked you were standing next to Loki. 

    ☼-☪-☼

   you both walked back to your room in silence. Loki looked awful. Like he wanted to breakdown at any moment. You felt bad for him. He had lost both his parents, just as you had. You could relate to some of his pain. so you should try to comfort him, right?

   when the door shut behind you both, you reached up and placed a hand on Loki’s shoulder “Loki- i’m sorry about Odin. I know you say you love him like Thor does, but he had to have meant something to you” you spoke as calmly as you could.

   Loki’s body tensed under your touch “I never stopped loving my father” he says, which surprises you “He raised me I was just so angry that they lied about me. I was never truly there child” he spoke, his voice beginning to waver. 

   “Odin and Frigga took you in as their own. They didn’t care that you weren’t biologically there’s. They gave you a home when no one else did Loki. That’s what being a parent is.” you spoke and left go of his shoulder “You can have some time alone. I’ll be in my room” 

   you walk past the god and towards your door, “Thank you, Y/n. How did you know what to say?” Loki spoke, making you turn around “Just what i wished someone had told me when avengers came to save me” you shrug and walk into the room, shutting the door. 

       ☼-☪-☼

   “I can’t believe you put a wager against your brother” You said, walking alongside Loki. wearing another tradition asgardian dress that Loki had picked out for you. It was another icy blue dress that had a soft brown leather as the straps. iIt was flowy and had a slit down the side. 

   “It was only a joke” He replies, holding your hand as you walked through the crowds of people. The Grandmaster had invited you and Loki to watch Thor’s fight from the ‘Grandmasters box’ stupid bastard and his stupid terms. As you walk, you pass by where the contenders are being held. Thor. 

   you didn’t have time “Will seen him soon. I can tell your worried about him” Loki spoke, squeezing your hand softly. “Thor was one of the first people to help me when i got out of Hydra. I owe him everything” you say. Loki sighs deeply before you both continue walking.

   as you drew closer you were able to hear the cheers and roars of the crowd. jeez it’s just a bunch of idiots fighting- go watch some Tv or something. Suddenly you heard the Grandmaster speak. What a loser this guy was. Thinking that you were just some mans property. 

   “ow! Look at all of you. What a show, WHAT-A-NIGHT! Who's having fun? Please, I'm your host. Big round of applause for all of our undercard competitors who died so gruesomely. Good sports. What a show! What a night! This is what you've come for and so have I.”

   when he finished speaking is when you and Loki entered the very bright room, filled with different people from different worlds. Bruce would have love to see this, sometimes you forget he’s gone. You just hoped that you’d find out what happened to him one day. 

   Loki leads you  towards the front, skillfully grabbing two drinks and handing one to you. What a gentlemen- wait no. Damnit. “Making his first appearance, though he looks quite promising, got a couple of tricks up his sleeve. I'll say no more, see what you think. Ladies and gentlemen...”

   you look down from the glass and see a latch lifting up. That has to be him. “I give to you...Lord of Thunder!” the Grandmaster shouts. You smile as your eyes landed on Thor “Oh my god they cut his hair!” you exclaim “It’s just hair” Loki replies, taking a sip from his drink. 

   you scoff “Okay, let me cut yours” you say and he glares “I’d rather die” he says and you nod “Told you so” the crowd was booing Thor, along with a couple people next you. “Oh screw yourselves” you grumble under your breath. Loki wraps his free arm around your waist and pulls you flush to his side.

   “Try to behave darling, will you?” Loki leans down to whisper into your ear. You feel a tingling feeling in your stomach. Was he using his magic on you. “Yeah yeah, whatever” you huff, earning a smirk from the god holding you “That’s a good girl” he says- and there goes the stomach again.

   you both turn back to watch Thor as he walks to the center of the arena. “Watch out for his fingers. They make sparks.” the Grandmaster says, making you roll your eyes at his statement. Thor puts a helmet on his head and pulls the small latch down. 

   The Grandmasters hologram began to rub his hands together “Okay, this is it. Let's get ready to welcome this guy. Here he comes. He is a creature. What can we say about him? Well, he's unique. There's none like him. I feel a special connection with him.” he gets the crowd riled up. 

   green bombs of dust or some kind of pigment begin to explode in the sky and over the crowd. “He's undefeated. HE'S THE REIGNING...HE'S THE DEFENDING...Ladies and gentlemen... I give you...” he spoke in broken sentences. Now he was getting you scared. 

   the door begins to open from the other side. It only happened halfway when it was smashed through by some green, big, angry...Hulk?! You feel as if a weight has been lifted off your shoulders “Bruce?” you whisper to yourself, almost dropping the glass in your hand. 

   Loki on the other hand turned paler then he already was and let go of you “I have to get off this planet” he spoke and turned around to leave the room, but the Grandmaster was right behind him “Hey, hey, hey! Where are you going?” he questions, but Loki has no words. Neither do you. 

   the Grandmaster leads you both to the long couch and you and Loki sit side by side. You could hear Bruce screaming Hulk into the crowd. What was going on? Thor suddenly turns from the Hulk to where you guys are “Hey! We know each other. He's a friend from work!” then we went to talk to Hulk.

   you didn’t notice your hands were shaking as Loki placed his on top of one yours “Are- are you alright?” he asked and you reach up to wipe away a forming tear “I haven’t seen bruce in two years. I thought he was gone- dead” despite Loki being in fear of his life he gave you a smile. “Well, that’s good”

   “Loki! Y/n! Look who it is!”

   you both look away from each other and look at Thor who was gesturing Hulk to look at Loki. Loki looked like he wanted the world to swallow him up “You’ll be alright. If he does come up here i can protect you. Hulk loves me” you say with a toothy grin. 

   suddenly Hulk charges at Thor “What is he doing?!” you shout as both Thor and Hulk begin to fight each other. This is not according to plan at all. A couple seconds later it looks like Hulk was about to grab Thor's hand “Oh thank god” you mumble to yourself a little too soon. 

   Hulk picked up Thor by his leg and through him repeatedly onto the ground before tossing him to the side. Loki shoots up from his seat “Yes! That's how it feels!” he exclaims. Jeez. You stand up and grab his arm. Loki turns to see the Grandmaster staring at him strangely.

   “I'm just a huge fan of the sport.” Loki explains and the Grandmaster just laughs. You sit Loki down as well as yourself “Real calm and classy there antlers” you say with a small grin. Loki growls under his breath “Really? How ‘bout you let that green moron smash you into the ground”

   you couldn’t help, but laugh “I’m sorry. That sounded so wrong” you say, your mind going to straight to the gutter. Loki looks at you weirdly before cringing “You are a perverted girl” he says. You shrug your shoulders “Yeah whatever. Do something about it” you say jokingly, going back to watching Thor.

   you feel Loki’s hand being firmly placed on your thigh, his other hand sliding behind your back to grip your waist “I can show you what i can do about it later if you so desire” error error Y/n.exe has stopped working. You feel that fluttery feeling in your stomach again. Damn god of teasing.

   you somehow manage to keep your cool and grinned at him “No offense, your highness. You couldn’t handle me” you say. His brow raises in amusement. No one has ever said such a thing to him. Just as he opens his mouth you see in the corner of your eye the Grandmaster pulling out the chip remote.

   he presses the button and Thor falls to the ground. That dirty cheater. 

    ☼-☪-☼

   hours later

   it was after the fight and you were pacing back and forth in your room while Loki sat on the bed “Will you cut that out?” Loki suggested and your skin change quickly. You form a icicle and throw it towards him. He catches it in his hand swiftly “Do not tell me to calm down! That dirty freak cheated!”

   Loki sighs and goes to open his mouth when the door opens. “The Grandmaster has requested your presence Loki of asgard” a guard spoke. Your skin changed back to normal as Loki stood up. You go walk along with him when the guard stops you “Only Loki” he spoke.

   you sigh and nod, giving Loki a small smile. “I’ll be here once you get back” you say and he sighs before leaving with the guard. Now, your stuck here. All alone. You go over to the bed and sit down. The sheets were still messed up from where Loki had slept the night before. 

   why were you thinking about that?

   the door flies open, revealing a brown skinned woman with asgardian armor and white markings on her. “Hello Lady Y/n. Thor asked me to come find you. Noe let’s go” she spoke quickly. You got up instantly and walked to her. Wait “Will be we getting Loki?” you ask

   the woman looks at you for a moment and nods “Yes- later now lets go princess before i’m late for a meeting with the Grandmaster. I heard you can fight by the way so i got you some good clothes to move around in.” you nod as you both alk out the room

    ☼-☪-☼

   the woman, who told you to call her Val had dropped you off at the junkyard, but let you get changed first of course into a black leather warrior outfit. . At first you were confused as why she had dropped you here, but when you saw Thor leaving a quinjet.

   as you ran up to him you saw another person leaving. It was Bruce in Tony’s clothes? “Bruce!” you yell. He turns around and looks at you with a confused stare “Y/n? Your taller and older. Wait- Why are you here?!” he questions. You chuckle and look at Thor “It’s a long story, where are we going?”

       ☼-☪-☼

   with Val and Loki

   both asgardians had just walked out the Grandmasters hall to find and capture Thor and Hulk. They were both walking fast since Loki said he could get them back in one hour. “What have you done?” Loki accuses only full well she had something to do with the escape. 

   Val takes takes one look at him and scowls “I don’t answer to you, lackey” she snaps back. Loki stops and grabs her arm “It’s Loki and you will answer to the Grandmaster” he says. Val pushes off his arm and punches him in the nose. Loki stumbles back a bit and pulls out a Sakaarian blade

   “Why would you help me brother escape with that green fool?” He questions, pointing the blade at her. Val pulls out a blade of her own “I don’t help anyone” she quips back and the two rush each other. Hitting, kicking, dodging, the whole ordeal. at one point Loki grabbed her arm and saw her mark.

   “You're a Valkyrie. I thought the Valkyrie all died gruesome deaths?” he says, knowing it would rile her up and it did. Val escapes from his grip and pushes him against the wall, holding the knife to his throat “Choose your next words wisely” she seethes down at him.

   Loki looks up at her, smug “Terribly sorry. Must be a very painful memory...” and puts his hand on her forehead. Val was taken back to the moment the Valkyrie were sent to fight Hela for the thrown. Val watched them all die again as well as her girlfriend. 

   once she came back she was pushed back onto the floor by Loki. She stands back up quickly and pushes him on the ground, straddling him “You know your majesty, i have some terrible news for you. I went to your little girlfriends room after you left” she started, making Loki’s eyes go wide. 

   “she was a pretty one i’ll give you that. That was until i slit her throat and watched her bleed out” It was Val’s turn to rile Loki up. “Y-Your lying!” Loki shouts, struggling against her. “Oh really?” she says and reaches into her pocket, pulling out a piece of blue tool from your dress, stained with blood. 

   Loki felt his heart drop into his stomach, like he wanted to vomit and cry all at the same time “No...’ he mumbles and grabs the tool from her hand. Val looked stunned for a moment before punching his face and knocking him out. She was not expectantly that kind of reaction from him.  

    ☼-☪-☼

   you, Thor, and Bruce were walking through the crowd of Hulk worshippers basically when Val had found you. She had led you all inside safely. She was a pretty cool gal. You had to get her number after this. Does she have a phone. You all walked down this hall when she stops. 

   Bruce stopped behind thor and you stopped behind Bruce. “Look, I've spent years in a haze trying to forget my past. Sakaar seemed like the best place to drink and forget and to die one day.” Val spoke, making you frown slightly. Thor nods.

    “I was thinking that you drink too much, and that probably was going to kill you.” Thor spoke. Val gave him an annoyed look before walking towards the door “Also, i have a piece offering” she said vaguely before opening the door. Thor walks in first, then Bruce. 

   Once you walk in you noticed Loki, chained up and hanging his head in shame, he was looking at a piece  of tool that rested on the ground in front of him “Brother?” Thor spoke, crouching down to look at his face “Loki are you alright?” he asked 

   “she was so much like me you know, we both didn’t know where we belonged. Both too cold and felt like monsters. I had never felt that way about anyone. I don’t think i’ll ever feel that way again. I don’t want too actually, not if it isn’t her” everyone in the room could notice his voice breaking. 

   just as you were about too console him Val put an arm in front of you and pressed a finger to her mouth. Telling you to shut it basically. You are confused, but nod slowly “Brother. I don’t understand. Who are you talking about? What has made you this upset?” Thor questions. 

   Loki’s body started to shake as he sobbed “Y/n. That scraper killed her. she took her away from me, now i’m all alone again.” he explains solemnly. Thor looks confused “Loki, lady Y/n is right here” he spoke. Loki lifted his head up and Thor was right. There you were, alive. 

   Loki didn’t know whether to be relieved or angered, but he stuck with relieved. “Let him out!” you shout, walking over to Loki to pull on the chains. “Y/n i don’t think that’s such a good idea-” Bruce started, but you didn’t care. You got the chains undone and Loki instantly wrapped his arms around you.

   “Hey, i’m here” you say as he holds onto tightly, almost like you would disappear if he let you go “I know” he replies before pulling away. You look around and notice everyone staring at you “What?” Loki spots Bruce and tilts his head “Hello Bruce” he spoke, standing up from the chair.

   Bruce looks at him “So, last time i saw you, you were trying to kill everybody. Where are you at these days?” he questions. Loki looked at you then Val who was grabbing something out the closet “It varies from moment to moment” he spoke before completely ignoring him.

   Loki studies your face “I’m alive Loki” you say to reassure him and he sighs “i know, just wan’t to keep it that way” he says. You muster up a smile “That is the nicest thing you have said to me since we got here” you admit. He rolls his eyes and looks down for a moment then back at you 

   “I need to tell you something-”

   “Loki come here!” Thor says, waving at him from the otherside of the room. Loki sighs and look at you, going to say something “It’s okay. we can talk later” you reassure him and he smiles.

    ☼-☪-☼

   you, Loki, and Thor were assigned to get a ship for all of you to leave on, but throughout the whole time you were fighting to get there Loki and Thor were talking about leaving each other or staying together. You wished you stayed with Bruce and Val. 

   now you were in a elevator, with you standing in front of the two, skin icy white and blue and no pupils. “Here's the thing. I'm probably better off staying here on Sakaar.” Loki says. You turn around and look at him with wide eyes “Loki-” you say, but Thor interrupts “That's exactly what I was thinking.”

   okay what? “Thor-” you say this time, but the same thing happens. “Did you just agree with me?” Loki asked, stunned. Thor shrugs “Come on, this place is perfect for you. It's savage, chaotic, lawless. Brother, you're going to do great here.” Thor says, glancing at him once- ouch.

   Loki looks forward and you wished you hadn’t come at all “Do you truly think so little of me?” Loki questions. Thor pauses for a moment before looking at his brother. “ Loki, I thought the world of you. I thought we were gonna fight side by side forever. But, at the end of the day, you're you, I'm me” he starts. 

   you watch as Loki’s face changes from different emotions. To hope, then sorrow. “I don't know, maybe there's still good in you-” Thor says and gestures to you “-but let's be honest, our paths diverged a long time ago.” he finished. You stepped aside Loki and reached down to grab his hand. 

   Loki sighs and looks at his brother one last time “Yeah... It's probably for the best that we never see one another again.” he replies, nodding his head. You look down. Stupid boys. “That's what you always wanted.” Thor says and pats his brother on the back, you noticed he place the chip on his back.

   strange, but you trust Thor’s judgement. Doesn’t mean you weren’t going to swipe the remote off of him though. 

   Loki looks away slowly letting go of your hand. It was silence for a few moments. Awkward silence filled with tension and emotion. Jumping through the glass and falling to your death didn’t really look so bad right now “Hey, let’s do get help” Thor pipes up.

   “What?” Loki asked, turning to look at Thor again

   “What’s get help?-”

   “Get help” Thor repeats with a cheery smile on his face. 

   “Oh come on, you love it” 

   “No i hate it

   “It’s great. It works every time”

   “Its humiliating”

   “Do you have a better plan?” 

   you got to speak when they just start talking again “No” Loki replies and Thor just looks back forward with a smile “Were doing it” he says and Loki does the same “We are not doing get help” Loki says, thinking that’s the end of it. You look at both of them and groan “I hate both of you”

    ☼-☪-☼

   as the elevator door opens, you are stuck clinging onto the ceiling. You wait a couple of seconds “Alright. Come down” Thor calls and you jump down from the bar “Get help huh?” you chuckle, looking at Loki who turns and glares at you. You smile and walk behind them.

   “Now which one is the ship she told us to get?” Thor asked. Loki pointed at a bright orange ship “The Commodore” he says. You all begin to walk.  A second later he walks away, grabbing your arm to follow along with him and leaving a illusion walking alongside Thor. What?

   “Though I feel it won't make much of a difference” the illusion spoke. Thor sighs “Oh Loki” and turns to see you and Loki at the control panel “I know I've betrayed you many times before, but this time it's truly nothing personal. The reward for\ your capture will set Y/n and i up nicely.”

   Y/n what now? Loki presses a button on the panel and the places starts to go off “Loki, you didn’t” you gasp as you rip your arm from him. “Never one for sentiment, were you?” Thor asks. Loki grinned “Easier to let it burn.” he replies in a low tone.

   Thor reaches into his pocket as his eyes go wide. You slowly back away from Loki “Y/n-” “You self centered prick!” you snapped, pulling the remote out of your pocket. His face drops and he takes a step forward “Y/n, please-” he tries to explain, but you had already made up your mind. “No!” you shout. 

   Loki goes to speak again, but you press the button, watching as he drops to the floor. Thor walks past you and towards Loki “Oh that looks painful” Thor mumbles. You follow after him, walking much slower. Thor kneels down beside his brother. 

   “Oh brother, you're becoming predictable. I trust you, you betray me. Round and round in circles we go.” Thor speaks, looking down at Loki. See, Loki, life is about, it's about growth. It's about change, but you seem to just wanna stay the same.” 

   it hurt to see Loki that way, but in the end if he could betray Thor so easily. he’d do it to you too and no amount of love could change that “I guess what I'm trying to say is that you'll always be the God of Mischief, but you could be more.” Thor sighed and stood up “I’ll start the ship” and with that, he left. 

   you look at Thor then Loki. You go to where Thor was kneeling and do the same “You almost fooled me i’ll give you that. The whole touch thing and flirty comments. It almost made me think you felt the same. What tied it in was the tears.” you say, watching as he turned to look at you, pain on his face. 

   “Maybe you do care about me, but in the end you would betray anyone to save your own skin Loki. Thor’s right, you could be so much more. To him, the world...to me” You looked up to stop the tears forming in your eyes to fall down your face. You quickly wipe them and look back down. 

   “Thank you for being my first hug” You stand up and throw the remote a few feet away from him. “and my last” and with that you turned away leaving Loki on Sakaar along with any feelings you had for him. 

    ☼-☪-☼

   after fighting your way out of Sakaar on a orgy ship you passed out. Bruce was the first to wake, then Val and Thor with you being the last “I never thought i’d be back here” Val spoke. You and Bruce undo your seatbelts and stand behind Thor and Val.

   Asgard.

   “Though it be a lot nicer” Bruce spoke up. “Bruce- dude” you say, shaking your head. He noticed all of your collective disappointed stares and sputtered “Not- noth that it’s not nice- it’s just- it’s just on fire” well he was right about that. You assumed it was Hela’s doing. 

   the dashboard started going off and Val  looked at it “Here, up in the mountains. heat signatures, people clustered together. Hela’s coming for them” she explained, pointing at the 3D diagram. You sigh as you power up your abilities, Bruce giving you a odd stare. Guess he’s not used to it. 

   “Okay, drop me off at the palace and i'll draw her away.” Thor spoke up. “Thor she destroyed your hammer like nothing. You can’t do this alone!” you protest. Thor shakes his head and looks back at you, “Then you’ll come with me Lady Y/n” he says “And get yourselves killed?” Val questions

   “The people trapped down there are all that matters. While we're dealing with Hela, I need you two to help get everyone off Asgard.” Thor instrucks. Bruce pokes his head in between and looks at both of them “and how the hell are we supposed to do that?” 

   “I have a man on the ground”

    ☼-☪-☼

   Thor looked up at Val as her and Bruce flew away. Hm, strange. 

   once you two got to the castle, you noticed rumble all over the floor, even a piece with Thor’s face on it. Thor looks up at the ceiling and you follow suit. What you see in horrific. Pictures of Odin and Hela destroying worlds. 

   you look over at Thor and notice his grim face “Thor? Are you okay” you say. Thor sighs and nods “Wait behind a pillar. Hela should be here soon” he says and you nod, walking away to find a hiding spot. 

   Thor sat in the throne and began to band Odin’s scepter on the floor, causing loud booms to flow throughout the castle. Only seconds later did you here Hela’s heels down the hallway. 

   she was here

   “sister” Thor says. You couldn’t see them, but you could hear them. “Your still alive” she says back, soundly somewhat surprised. “ I love what you've done with the place. Redecorating, I see.” Thor spoke. Was this a time to be making jokes??

   “It seems our father's solution to every problem was to cover it up.” Hela snarls at him. Okay she’s getting upset. “Or to cast it out. He told you you were worthy.   He said the same thing to me.” Thor responds, solem in his tone. You could hear the bitterness in his tone  

   “You see, you never knew him, not at\ his best.” Hela sighs like it’s a fond memory to look back on ”Odin and I drowned entire civilizations in blood and tears. Where do you think all this gold came from? And then one day he  decided to become a benevolent king.”

   Hela’s voice becomes more sour “To foster peace, to protect life.” she starts “To have you” ouch- that has gotta sting. “ I understand why you're angry. and you are my sister, and technically have a claim to the throne. And believe me, I would love for  someone else to rule. But it can't be you. You're just the worst.”

   Thor no- you hear the swish noise like the last time she put on her crown “Okay, get up. You're in my seat.” she said, done playing games with Thor. clearly. “You know, Father once told me that a wise king never seeks out war” he says, you could hear his heavy footsteps.

   “But must always be ready for it.” Hela replies, drawing closer

   that’s your cue

   you jump down and ice the floor just as Thor jumps in the air. Hela goes to throw a blade at him, but it ends up missing because she couldn’t balance. her head snaps in your direction and she snarls “You again?!” she shouts, charging towards you.

   pressing your palms together and pull them out quickly, forming a silver sword with a blue base and handle. You lift your sword, but Thor hits her away with the scepter. Hela is knocked back, but for only a moment as she gets up and charges at Thor.

   she manages to knock the scepter away pin Thor against the wall “Here's the difference between us. I'm Odin's firstborn, the rightful heir, the savior of Asgard.” she spoke before throwing Thor to the floor “And you're nothing.” You run up at her and hit her away from Thor.

   “and your a bitch!” you yelled. Now you two her going hand to hand “Who are you? Your not asgardian is that for sure, but i sense a power off you stronger then any human could bare” she spoke, kicking you to the ground “You have the power of a infinity stone. Now that’s interesting darling”

   Hela forms a blade “Too bad that power will die with you” she smiles wickedly as she goes to plunge it into your stomach, but Thor tackles her to the ground. “Y/n leave now!” Thor shouts, as Hela knocks him in the face “But what about you!” you shout, forming a icicle in your hand to throw at her. 

   “This is my fight and i will not lose you. Now go!” he shouts just as Hela sliced his eye. You almost choked before you got yourself together and ran and ran and ran. “Thor i hope you know what your doing” 

    ☼-☪-☼

   as soon you headed out the castle, you used a burst of cold fog to send you into the sky. The bifrost! it’s being attacked by Hela’s knights and a large wolf. That’s where to go you guess and you another burst to send you towards the bridge. 

   the wolf was running towards a bunch of unarmed asgardians. You dropped onto the bifrost just as bruce came flying out the ship and landing face first “Bruce! This is why i said to keep your seatbelt on!” you shout. he’s lucky he’s mutated or he’d be dead. 

   the wolf sniffed Bruce for a few seconds before running your direction again. You form a blade and have it sending his way, but he wasn’t stopping. You look over and see a dark skinned man with long hair, Heimdall holding a sword “Nice to meet you i guess?” you spoke with nervous laughter.

   he looked your way and nodded “You too Lady Y/n” wait- how did he know your name. Nevermind that- both you and Heimdall hold your swords in ready position. The wolf is inches away when it suddenly stopped? You watch as it’s pull back and thrown to the other side. 

   Hulk!

   “Yes!” you shout, throwing your arms in the air. Hulk lets out a thunderous roar, hitting his chest. The wolf comes after him and they both fall off the bifrost. One problem down, two more to go. More knights begin to run towards the group and you and hemdall began to fight them off.

   you are so telling Tony about this!

   Heimdall gets hit in the knee and you rush over to help him when a rock guy come out of nowhere and blasts the knight into nothing. Wait- wasn’t this Thor’s friend- from back on Sakaar? “Hey man and woman. I'm Korg. This is Miek.” he introduces himself as a purple worm robot appears.

   you might need therapy after this one actually “We're going to jump on that spaceship and get out of here. Want to come?” he asked. He was rather polite. You smile lightly “We’d love too Korg, just after we kill these things.” You reply. You suddenly hear something off in the distance

   you and Heimdall turn to see a figure amongst the mist. Please don’t be Hela, please do not be Hela! Once the figure came to view you gasped. “Your saviour is here!” Loki shouts, standing on top of the landing pad. What a narcissist! A narcissist that you were in love with, but technicalities don’t count. 

   as the ship lands people of asgard begin to board “Did you miss me?” he says, you smile lightly. he had come back to save his people “Now everyone on the ship!” he commands and asgardians begin to flood in. Loki pushed through the people and made his way towards you and Heimdall. 

   “Welcome back. I saw you coming” Heimdall speaks. Loki purses his lips together and nods “Course you did” he says and looks at you “Surprised to see me, darling?” he says with a small smirk. You shake your head slowly with a smile “I was hoping you do the right thing. Your just boosting my ego”

   Loki grinned at you for a moment before pull out two asgardian blades “Will talk more in a bit” he sends you a wink as the Knights charge you all. You fly into the air and slam into the ground, causing a cold breeze to freeze about a dozen. You watch as they crumble and fall apart.

   “Didn’t know i could do that” you shrug and pull out your sword once again. The bright sky turned a dark grey as electricity struck the castle, causing a big explosion “Yes! Thor!” you shout. “Hopefully it killed that bitch, no offense since she is your sister and all” you say to Loki.

   he shrugs and slices a Knight in half “Unrelated note. You look very sexy while fighting” he smirks. You shake your head as your form multiple blades and send them at the Knights behind him. Loki goes wide eyed and watch about seven fall to the ground 

   “Me and you definitely need to talk later” his voice came out in a growl, which honestly sent shivers up your spine. You let out a chuckle as you watch Thor crash onto the bifrost “Why not now? Your brother seems to be keeping most of their attention”

   Loki raises a brow “You wan’t me to confess my undying love for you in the middle of war?” he questions. Well that was blunt. “You do have a thing for undying don’t you? Anyway, just tell me now. one of us may not live till the end of this war” you spoke. 

   you notice Loki’s face change to a grim one “Your not dying on me, i won’t allow it” he said, almost as it was a command. “Loki- be realistic. Now shut up and tell me” you say as you stab through a Knight “Okay- from the moment i laid eyes on you, i could tell you were like me” he says.

   “How so?” you question. “You question who you are and wonder if you belong anywhere. You think of yourself as a monster just as i do to my Jotun side. I wont ever question you and we can belong to each other. I do not see you as a monster Y/n. I see you as a goddess”

   wow- he could sure smooth talk a gal into anything. Jokes aside his words meant everything to you, he meant everything to you. You use your ice to put up a bubble around the both of you. Loki looks confused for a moment before turning to look at you. 

   “Just say you love me Loki” you chuckle. He smiles slightly and grabs your hands “Y/n, i am in love with you. I think that’s better” he quipped back. you both laugh for a moment “Do asgardians use the term boyfriend and girlfriend?” you say. 

   Loki shakes his head “We like to use more gender inclusive terms. So, Y/n would you like to be my forever and i yours?” you could have passed out right then and there. Also- how was asgard more woke then earth? That’s some bullshit right there.

   you break away from your thoughts and nod “of course i do” you say. Loki is unable to control his smile as he dips his head down. He was leaning when Boom! the bubble is destroyed. You smile and pull away “i guess you have to wait my prince” you tease, forming your sword again. 

   you could tell you touched a nerve because Loki squirmed a bit “Your such a vixen, darling. I can’t wait to have you all alone” he spoke in a low tone. You take a deep breath and try to compose yourself, but the thought of you and Loki- alone. It just took over your mind.

   “Can this fucking shit be over with! Hurry it the hell up Thor!” you shout as you jab your sword through two Knights and push them off the bifrost. Loki’s helmet fell as he was fighting one. You run and slide across the bifrost to grab it. Ha antlers- not right now!

   Once you do you chuck it at Loki who uses it to knock the Knight of his feet and push a sword through its stomach. Loki looks up at you and you grin at him “Teamwork, my prince” you say before bursting into the air “Stop calling that in public!” he yells. 

   Thor comes walking up too Loki, both breathing heavily. You drop down beside them “Your late” Thor says and Loki sighs “Your missing an eye” he replies back. Huh? You look at Thor and wave your hand over it, causing a cooling effect for him “Hopefully it’s stops the throbbing” you say.

   Thor nods and gives you a tired smile as Val walks past you three “This isn’t over” she breathes out. Well- she’s not wrong on that one. All four of you walk together. You all stop to catch your breath “I think we should disband the Revengers.” Thor spoke. 

   “Good. It was a shit idea” you comment, making Val stifle laughter. “Hit her with a lightning blast.” Loki suggests “we already did that and she rose from the dead still” you say. Thor looks at his brother in disbelief- he did just like shoot her into the sky and she’s walking. 

   “I just hit her with the biggest lightning blast in the history of lightning. It did nothing.” Thor gave his brother a know it all look. You all looked forward as Hela stalked towards you all “She is so fucking creepy” you say, forming a couple blades. 

   Val nods in agreement “We need to hold her off until everybody's on board.” she instructs. You all nod. You really didn’t want to fight this deer looking bitch. Antlers just run in the fucking family at this point. You stretch your back a bit. Your positive you have scoliosis after all this. 

   Thor shakes his head “It won't end there. The longer Hela's on Asgard the more powerful she grows. She'll hunt us down. We need to stop her here and now.” he says. “If she’s growing more powerful from just being here then how do we stop her” you look at Thor.

   Val nods along with you “She’s right, so what do we so?” she says, putting an emphasis on the world ‘what’ . Loki pauses and looks at Thor “I’m not doing get help” okay that was funny, no laughing right now though. Thor steps forward and glares at Hela before looking back at the ship of people boarding.

   he’s going to give a speech isn’t he?

   “Asgard's not a place, it's a people.-” there it is “-This was never about stopping Ragnarok...it was about causing Ragnarok.” he says, turning his attention towards Loki. “What’s Ragnarok?” you ask, expectanting no answer, but hey gotta love Val

   “It’s this big fiery demon that was literally made to destroy Asgard and everyone on it” she explains. At that moment you honestly thought about marrying her “Wait- You want to send a demon to destroy Asgard? Shit-” you say. 

   Thor walks over to Loki and places a hand on his shoulder “Go to the vault. Surtur's crown. It's the only way.” he says. Loki fights against himself for a moment before nodding “Bold move, brother. Even for me.” he admits before walking over to you. 

   “I’ll see you soon, darling” he says with a small smile. “Well aren’t going to kiss me then?” you question, his smile turning into a grin “No..i rather give you something to look forward too” he says before running off. What a dick. You look back towards Hela “Shall we?” Thor asked the both you and Val.

   Val looks at Thor and smiles lightly “After you” she says. Thor jumps into the air and destroys two of Hela’s blades. Hela kicks throw out the way as Val charged at her, but she ended being thrown too. Your turn. You burst into the air and throw four blades at her. She dodges them all and sends you away with Val.

   Thor picks up a Knights discarded sword and tries to plunge in into Hela, but she dodges that too. Thor turns to Heimdall and shouts “Go! Go now!” and Heimdall gets onto the ship. Hela throws a spear at him and it jabs right through Thor’s shoulder. 

   the ship starts to lift into the air and Hela notices. She uses big spikes from the ground and shoots them in, keeping the ship in place “I’ll handle that. You two keep her busy!” you shout and fly into the air. How were you going to do this? You watch as Knights begin to crawl the spikes and up towards the asgardians.

   you had to make a move now. 

   just as your about to land you hear..gunshots?! Since when her guns on Asgard? Just as you got close enough a man holding to large guns jump off of the ship and onto the bifrost, breaking the spike in the process. He lands on the bifrost and you jump down next to him.

   “What’s your name? Weren’t you working for Hela?” you question suspiciously. The man looks ashamed “My name is Skurge. Yes i did work for Hela temporarily, but i know now that she is not a true queen and i wan’t to make it right” he confesses.

   you smile and nod at him “Good for you dude. Now prove it!” you shout and charge into battle. You love a good redemption ark. You and your new friend Skurge fight off the Knights. “Hela!” he shouts, catching the goddess’s attention. Well fuck. 

   as you two fought off the last one Hela sent a blade in Skurge’s direction. You didn’t think. You should have thought before you acted, but you didn’t. You were just too nice to strangers. You jump in front of Skurge and catch the blade in your back, causing you to gasp out. 

   skurge looks at you in shock as you slowly drop to the floor. From a distance Thor and Val watch in horror as there comrade is smite down. “No!” Thor screamed, lighting bursting in every direction “Hela enough!” he shouts, standing up “if you want Asgard. It’s yours”

   Skurge moves you and pulls the blade from your back. Your vision became spotty “Loki?” you murmur as you look up “i’m so sorry” Skurge cried. Hela looked towards Thor “Whatever game you're playing, it won't work. You can't defeat me.” Hela says with a evil grin.

   Skurge watched the life drain from your body as it turned to ice. A statue of who you used to be cold and frozen over. “I’m so sorry ma’am” he breathes out as he touches your face. He felt so guilty. It should have been him is what he kept thinking over and over again.

   suddenly the Sakaar ship lands next to Skurge and Loki jumps out. His whole world came crashing down once he saw you. A frozen corpse. “She saved him so i stayed with her” skurge explains. Loki lifts a hand and waves him away, which is what Skurge does so. 

   Loki drops to his knees and touched your frozen skin “Even in death you are beautiful my love. I should have kissed you when you asked me too, but i just had to be cheeky” he says, tears forming down his face and falling onto your frozen body. 

   “No one can ever match your beauty, your skill, or your big heart and i will never love again. You taught me what it’s like to love and to be loved and i- i-” Loki broke down and let his tears fall like a waterfall. He was alone again. Now he would have to live his miserable life without you

    ☼-☪-☼

   you sat up, breathing heavily. You were in a castle. Thor’s castle. How? Where’s Hela? Where’s Loki. You push yourself off the floor instantly and look around. “You must be terribly confused” you heard a woman speak. You turn around and see a older woman with light auburn hair.

   “Who are you and where is everyone?” you snap at her, but she just smiles “My name is Frigga dear” she spoke kindly. You look at her in horror “You’re Loki and Thor’s mother- but....your dead. That means that i’m-” you almost gag on your own words.

   “i’m afraid so dear” she speaks and gives you a sad smile. “No! I have to get back! Loki is expecting me to be there. I have to help stop Hela!” you say. This couldn’t be happening “Ragnarok has already begun and Asgard is to fall any moment. Don’t you want to rest?”

   your whole life has been nothing but pain and hard work. You had never ‘rested’ a day in your life. As much as it sounded like a treat, you still had responsibilities “No. I chose to stay and fight Hela because Thor is my friend and i’m not giving up on him or Loki, Val, Bruce or the asgardians. 

   Frigga gives you a proud smile “That’s what i wanted you to say. I’ll bring you back” she says and rolls up her sleeves “You have to do something for me though” she spoke. You stepped towards her “Anything” he say hastily “Marry my son. Loki deserves it more then ever and so do you”

   you give your future mother in law a smile “Of course. How are you going to bring me back anyway?” you question. Frigga grans both your hands and smiles “Ancient magic that is far to complex. Now when i bring you back it will be with an asgardian soul” she says. You looked confused.

   “What does that mean?”

   “It means you’ll be an asgardian along with your abilities.”

   you smile lightly. You could live as long as Loki now and truly be together forever. “Okay, i’m ready” you say and she nods “Tell my sons that i love him and tell Loki that choosing to be his mother was one of the best days of my life and Thor...that he doesn’t have to rule Asgard to be a great leader.”

   you nod, locking the words into your memory. Frigga starts mumbling a spell and you feel your body become lighter and lighter until you feel like you pass out.

    ☼-☪-☼

   Loki lifts his head up from your body as it starts to defrost. His eyes go wide as underneath the ice is your beautiful face. Your eyes shoot open and you fly into the sky. Your whole body emitting a white and blue aura. You flew towards Thor, Val and Hela. 

   Thor puts his hands on his hips and points behind him “No i know, but he can” he says and Surtur comes crashing through the castle. As Hela stares at her downfall Val takes the opportunity to pierce her sword through Hela’s chest. Your form an ice spear and launch yourself down, stabbing it straight through her.

   Thor sends and burst of electricity and you back away, slowly landing on the bifrost. It was over. Hela was doen for and you wanted to leave this retched planet. 

    ☼-☪-☼

   you walk through the ship until you find Thor and Loki in one room. Loki was holding a cap to a liquor bottle. “Hello boys” you spoke and they both turn to look at you “Lady Y/n, the girl who cheated death! No wonder you and Loki are perfect for each other” Thor announced, bowing at you.

  you smiled and walked over to a loveseat, Loki following suit and sitting next to you “Yeah uh- i didn’t cheat anything. I actually died” You said “But how, your right here?” Loki says, grabbing your hand “I came back with a little help of a certain someone” you say. 

   Thor walks over and sits down across from you two “Who?” he questions and take a sip of his drink “Frigga” you said, making the brothers look at you in shock “Mother, how?” Loki asked. “I woke up in the castle and she was there. She said she could bring me back and gave me a few things to say”

   both boys inched closer “She said she loves you both and Thor, you don’t have to rule asgard if it isn’t what you wan’t. Your still a great man and Loki” you turn your body to face your forever “one of the best days of Frigga life was choosing to be your mother and love you like her own blood”

   Loki’s face said just about enough as well as Thor’s. They both looked at there laps, smiling to themselves. “I’m also asgardian now” you say, grabbing a drink from the table. Thor drops his glass on the floor, smashing it into tiny pieces. That was a nice cup. 

   “What!?”  they both shout. 

    ☼-☪-☼

   Loki had found you both a room on the ship with a perfect view of the unknown outside. You were currently looking through it now, thinking. A pair of arms wrap around you from behind “I still owe you a kiss” Loki breathes out. You smile brightly and turn around in his hold, facing him. 

   “I believe you do...my prince” You say at the end just to tease him. Loki growls under his breath before pressing his lips to yours for a hungry kiss while his hands pulled you flush against him. You thought your first kiss would be sweet and short, but Loki’s was needy and passionate. 

   you both pulled at each others clothing, wanting it off but not having the strength to pull away and do so. After a minute of two Loki pulls away “I’ve been wanting to do that for weeks” he admits, making you chuckle. “Good thing you have me all night then, my forever. i love you Loki of asgard”

   Loki grins at your words and kisses your forehead “i love you as well, Y/n, my forever” 

    ☼-☪-☼

   Kody- I want no one to talk about how long it is, it hurts to even mention. 

[shihalyfie]

Yamato, Adventure’s most dramatically emotional cast member

The “edgy cool bishounen rival” has been such a staple of shounen anime for years that the moment you look at Yamato and his position next to Taichi, it’s easy to go “ah, yep, there it is.” But just like how Taichi’s actually very different from the shounen hero stereotype, Yamato, despite what his first impression and character design might suggest, is in fact the complete opposite!

Actually, I’ll start this off with an interesting story from Yamato’s own voice actor, Kazama Yuuto:

Yeah. When my agent asked me which role I wanted to try out, I thought I couldn’t do a pretty boy character like him, so I was really astonished when I was chosen for the role. Afterwards, when I asked Kakudou-san [the director] about it, he said that he’d decided on me the instant I’d come in... I’d heard that Yamato was a cool character, which I thought was a part of him that didn’t agree with me. So there was that factor in the beginning. But I learned that he was actually quite similar to me, and a surprisingly passionate guy.

I don’t generally have a huge tendency to include voice actor comments in analysis about writing, but I do think it says a lot that even his own voice actor walked in expecting the typical “pretty boy rival” character to the extent that he felt he’d have difficulty doing the role at all, only for the actual nature of Yamato’s character to catch him off guard! Because, yeah, that really is the case: Yamato’s first impression really is very deceptive, and his actual personality is, indeed, full of open passion and emotion in nearly every way.

Yamato in Adventure

...No, really, it really does not take long for it to be very clear that Yamato’s immediately not like the stereotype his character archetype would suggest, considering that even as early as Adventure episode 2, he was depicted as very obviously being open about his opinions, even if that made him quick to criticize.

When you talk about “rival” characters, usually, the reason such characters seem cold and standoffish is that there’s a certain degree of pride to them, or, in other words, they want to keep up a facade of being “cool” and rational and thus aren’t quick to show their emotions. But Yamato isn’t like that at all! From the very beginning, he speaks often, is very open and honest about his thoughts, and doesn’t seem to even really care what others think at all.

The Adventure novels do, in fact, make clear that he was more closed-in prior to arriving in the Digital World, and these bursts of emotion were actually unusual behavior for him at the time -- but it’s not because he’s prideful or anything! Firstly, it wasn’t necessarily that he deliberately cut himself off from others -- rather, he was still willing to engage in some degree of friendly interaction:

It wasn’t because he was lonely. In fact, many of his classmates would greet him with a friendly “Yo!” or “Hi~!” when they came across him and, naturally, Yamato would respond back with a smile.

And, in fact, said novel indicates that there’s a lot going on deeper than him merely suppressing his emotions for the sake of it:

The people around Yamato may have thought that he was a cold, aloof person, but that was only because he didn’t show what he thought to other people. When had he become like that? He hadn’t been like that when he was younger. But after his parents decided to divorce and his mom took Takeru by the hand and left home… Don’t go! Please don’t go! Don’t leave me! The truth was, he had wanted to plead with her and cry — but he couldn’t. Part of it had to do with his father standing by his side. Maybe his mother had secretly wished for Yamato to say that to her. But at that moment, Yamato had thought that he would never show weakness in front of his mom, even if he died from it. It was his own decision to follow his dad. Ever since coming to the Digital World, even Yamato was surprised by how much emotion he expressed. All of the emotion that he’d held back while at home, at school, had come bursting out without pause.

It’s also important to understand the reasons why he blows up so easily at Taichi in Adventure episodes 3 and 6 and whatnot -- he does it because he’s constantly looking out for the others and worried about their welfare. Pretty much all of the arguments he has with Taichi for the majority of the series involve him objecting to his perception of Taichi as insensitive, because Taichi has a tendency to tease others or bid for everyone to keep pushing forward into dangerous situations or when they’re tired. So, really, Yamato gets angered and emotional and picks his fights with Taichi because he cares too much, not because he’s deliberately trying to cultivate an image of being detached. Once they were outside the range of his family and their classmates and stranded in another world, Yamato’s bleeding heart instantly won out, and he started advocating for the welfare of everyone else.

This is why Yamato’s the one who gets the Crest of Friendship, because even though he starts off by putting up a defensive wall between himself and the others and seems very difficult to deal with, even when he gets angry and upset, he’s constantly upset on other people’s behalf. Even from the very beginning of the series, he’s actually one of the most caring people in the cast!

Really, the entire first few introductory episodes with Yamato can be pretty succinctly described as Yamato coping really badly with all those years of emotional suppression and letting it out in some pretty severe outbursts, especially when it comes to Takeru, whom he’d never been able to properly take care of as an older brother due to their parents’ divorce. (And while he’s definitely a little better at managing it, Takeru himself is actually also doing a pretty bad job with that whole emotional suppression and lack of catharsis thing.) Standoffish and cold? Nah -- not when Yamato has the single highest count of openly breaking down and crying out of the whole cast in Adventure.

And, for all it’s worth, remember that stereotypical “cold rival” characters in this kind of shounen series would normally be very ashamed at others seeing them so emotional, but Yamato...doesn’t really seem to care about the others seeing him do some really embarrassingly reckless stuff during his episodes of exploding over Takeru’s welfare. Once it’s past him, he doesn’t really dwell on it and moves on. Again: Yamato isn’t the kind of person who actually cares that much about what other people think of him.

Adventure episode 18 is an often-overlooked episode when it comes to Yamato, but it’s significant because it makes it clear that he doesn’t really have a problem being conversational and friendly with others (especially since, remember, any emotional suppression had more to do with the trauma and sensitive feelings surrounding his parents’ divorce and a desire to not show weakness) -- he starts a very lighthearted, friendly chat with Koushirou over why they’re looking for their Crests, and even admits that the reason he wants his own Crest is that he’s self-conscious about the idea of everyone else changing and improving as people while he gets left behind. That’s a really personal thing to admit, and arguably something very sensitive! It’s something you wouldn’t even blame him for potentially being self-conscious about! But he’s perfectly humble in admitting that this is something he wants to improve in, and carries on this entire conversation in a light-hearted, cheerful manner.

This episode takes place during a time where everything seems to be “safe” (they’re within Piccolomon’s barrier and finally have a proper place to sleep), and are on the verge of finding their own Crests in a situation that does not ostensibly involve running for their lives, so this is when you get to see Yamato in a relaxed situation. And, really, he’s very friendly and open, with no restraint about it. He really isn’t the kind of person to be condescending or cold by nature!

It’s even more incorrect to pin Yamato as someone who tries to act more on rationality (again, like the “cold rival” stereotype would suggest) because, in fact, he’s the kind of person who gets completely carried away by his own caring for others to the extent of irrationality. For instance, in Adventure episode 23 when his conflicting loyalties to Takeru versus wanting to help Jou in his situation get all mixed up, and he tries to buy into PicoDevimon's trick to turn Jou against him as a solution to taking sides before Jou clearly indicates this is the case, and Yamato doesn't hesitate to feel really bad about it. Openly so. Condescension? Nah.

No, really, I could just keep taking screenshots from Adventure all day if you want evidence of “Yamato is openly and passionately emotional to explosive degrees because he cares too much about others, and makes no real pretense of hiding it.” If you’re still not convinced, I don’t know what to tell you.

When Yamato infamously succumbs to Jureimon’s bait in Adventure episode 44 and ends up picking a fight with Taichi -- possibly his most self-centered action in the entire series -- it’s interesting to see that Jureimon does use the word “rival”, the same word used in anime trope lingo to describe “the person you’re constantly fighting with and competing with in order to improve yourself”. The reason why this is fascinating is that Adventure is making a point here that this kind of “stereotypical anime rival” relationship would be extremely unhealthy for these characters.

No, really: at least as far as Yamato’s concerned, and what defines the kind of “friendship” these particular kids need, what these kids need is mutual emotional support, not engineered conflict that can be passed off as “they fight but it’s a sign of how much they know each other!” Remembering that Adventure is, in many ways, a series that prioritizes wanting to focus on portraying the intimate nature of human behavior, it’s not surprising that it goes out of its way to make clear that centering your relationship with a friend around needing to “outdo” them is a really bad thing. (Observe how 02′s Daisuke and Ken also don’t fit the “rivals” archetype at all and are merely a straightforward relationship of best friends in little to no conflict, despite occupying the stereotypical position.)

But Jureimon successfully digs into all of Yamato’s insecurities about his perceived lack of self-improvement and his tendency to compare himself to the polar-opposite Taichi in terms of Taichi’s charisma and way of (ostensibly) playing better to Takeru’s dislike of being coddled. And so, the engineered conflict happens, and, of course, it traumatizes everyone around them. When Yamato finally manages to get over himself after some timely intervention from “the one who seeks stability” (Homeostasis) in Adventure episode 45, everyone in the group is miserable from the ordeal.

Adventure episode 51 basically lays down the two major issues Yamato had been facing up until that point, and ties it into a neat bow: the reason Yamato had become so obsessed with self-improvement was because he wanted to prove he was "independent" and "not weak", but in the end, he still sees himself as an inferior person compared to everyone else -- culminating in him eventually seeing Taichi as a better person than him. Gabumon reaches out to Yamato by clarifying Yamato’s right to not compete, but be unique; it’s not about competing or being a “better” or “worse” version of others, it’s finding his important niche in the group or in the world with the things only he’s good at. Yamato says it in explicit words in Two-and-a-Half Year Break:

Dad doesn’t remember. On the day when we had to decide whether Takeru or I would go with him… Neither Dad or Mom could decide, so I did. I thought, this way, Takeru would be able to stay with Mom. I chose for myself. And after that, I always chose for myself. Or that’s what I’d planned to. Even though I was called a Chosen Child, it was me who was going to choose what to do. No way was I going to be used for other people’s convenience. Maybe that’s why I went so far to keep myself from making friends. But in the end, I acknowledged that what I was doing was unreasonable. After all, I’m not living in this world by myself. If I hadn’t met Gabumon, I never would have realized that. The person I am right now, is not alone.

As long as Yamato only ever sees himself as a replaceable piece meant to fill in the same niches as everyone else, he’ll continue to be horribly critical of himself for not being a perfect person and ultimately being “useless” or “not necessary”. But it’s not about being perfect or a better or worse replacement, it’s about embracing himself and what he can do in his own way, and, indeed, at the end of the episode, Yamato’s arrival on the scene makes it clear that the group ultimately needs both of them, not just one.

It’s also interesting in that, whereas most of the kids (especially in the Adventure finale) are very open about their own feelings to their own partners, Yamato and Gabumon are capable of “communicating” in some sense just by Yamato playing the harmonica. But it’s perhaps because Yamato is normally so open and passionate about his own feelings that such a tacit method is something they can do -- they’ve already bared themselves to each other so many times already, that in the end, all they need to do is just enjoy the abstract things together.

Yamato in 02 and after

So by the time we get to 02, any trace of coldness or detachment from Yamato has completely vanished.

I cannot emphasize this enough: completely vanished. Even in the middle of being a heartthrob for the teenagers in school thanks to his good looks and work with his band, he’s open and lacking in condescension whatsoever, and it’s basically like seeing the openly friendly Yamato from Adventure episode 18 for a whole series. Actually, it already says a lot that he’s in a band, considering it feels like shifting his music activities to a full-on band is there to make a deliberate statement that Yamato is now much better at socializing and working in organized groups now -- it’s a far cry from having to work solo or independently, and it’s significant that “the person who wanted to be able to do everything by himself” is now interested in doing something a bit more cooperative. (And to lend further to the idea he’s sentimental and constantly thinks of others, his band, the TEEN-AGE WOLVES, is all but confirmed to be named in indirect tribute to Gabumon.)

He’s open, conversational, makes a lot of silly faces throughout the series, and basically the only thing he has left that remotely resembles the “pretty boy rival” stereotype is that he’s deep in the aesthetic. But even then, you get the impression that he just does that because he genuinely likes it, not because he’s trying to be “cooler than you” or anything. And it’s easy to see why: Yamato, quite simply, got over himself. He stopped restraining himself all the time in his attempts to become a perfect person, and simply let himself loose to express himself how he wanted, and ultimately became a perfectly sociable and friendly person who’s now even popular at school!

Yamato’s punch on Taichi in 02 episode 10 is often taken as evidence that Taichi and Yamato embody the “rivals who constantly get in fights but are somehow still friends” trope, but this tends to avoid the actual context of the rest of the scene -- in fact, Daisuke himself rightfully points out that if Yamato had done this out of any actual anger or condescension, this would have been a really cruel thing to do to Taichi when he’s already going through so much. But Yamato’s not doing this out of resentment or condescension, he’s doing this for Taichi’s own sake to help him get out of his stupor, and the important part here is that he immediately holds out a hand to him afterwards. Or, in other words, this isn’t something they’re doing out of conflict, but out of communication, and it’s now at the point where Taichi understands Yamato’s intent, and Yamato knows that what he wanted to do would be conveyed to Taichi, without words.

That is why Taichi and Yamato are finally so close now: they understand each other’s feelings. They’re not competing with each other. They’re not resenting each other. They’re sympathetic and forgiving of each other, and they communicate, verbally or otherwise.

It’s followed by a scene in 02 episode 11 that’s also often construed as Taichi and Yamato advocating fighting as part of a healthy friendship, but, again, this omits context: they talk about their fighting in past tense! They’re referring as fighting having been part of the things they had to do to understand each other now, when they clearly aren’t in that kind of conflict anymore. The idea they’re espousing is that Daisuke and Takeru need to let out their feelings and have some catharsis if they want to truly understand each other (which is, indeed, how Taichi and Yamato eventually settled their differences) and hopefully get to a position of mutual understanding, instead of the others forcing them to have peace for the sake of peace and not letting their feelings get out on the table. (And, ultimately, Daisuke spends the rest of the episode thinking about Takeru’s position, and none of the 02 kids ever end up in this bad of a brawl for the rest of the series, yet manage to build a friendship in spite of that -- so, yes, the important part was that they had their feelings out in the open and got catharsis, not fighting in itself.)

Yamato also has an interesting role in the 02 drama CDs, including one entirely devoted to him (Letter). Said drama CD has quite a few things to note:

Gabumon says that Yamato being rather silent and not speaking up about what he’s thinking is unusual behavior for him.

As much as Yamato’s managed to do a better job opening up in general, he’s still suffering from extreme self-worth issues, considering himself as worthless if he’s not able to do anything for a girl in the hospital, even though it’s of course completely reasonable he can’t do much. Despite that, he continues to emotionally fixate on her welfare and basically self-flagellate and do a lot of pretty emotionally occupied things in the process.

Speaking of getting emotionally occupied, as much as he ends up snapping a bit at the people on the beach who keep annoying the hell out of him, he eventually feels so bad for the shaved ice seller that he forces himself to eat it just for him. (Even though it’s freezing.)

Yamato’s a really poetic person. Almost sappily so.

On top of that, Armor Evolution to the Unknown gives us an ever-so-slight glimpse of his dating life with Sora -- which, while he hadn’t been super-flagrant about, he also hadn’t been hiding either (he’s clearly willing to engage in a bit of PDA as per 02 episode 43), and, if the admittedly-kind-of-crack drama CD is to believed, he’s actually very emotionally passionate about his relationship to her, and very dedicated! Beyond just the (very sudden) passionate declaration of love to her in the middle of tap dancing, when Sora is found to have been worrying about him being cold lately, he immediately goes out of his way to try and make things right and prove his love...

Yamato’s initial appearance in Kizuna pretty much defines in a nutshell what his and Taichi’s relationship eventually turned out to be: they’re willing to banter because they’re comfortable with each other, but when it all comes down to it, they appreciate and trust each other deeply. Again, the point is that Yamato and Taichi are emotionally there for each other, considering that (even if he ribs Taichi a bit for it) Yamato’s willing to come all the way down to meet Taichi for late-night beer and talk to him through his emotional troubles.

And, yes, Yamato’s still there to be a concerned minder for Taichi and to make sure he doesn’t get too inconsiderate of what he’s doing -- but there’s no conflict over it, just the two of them balancing their necessary roles as part of the group and keeping each other in check. Again, as was made clear back in Adventure, it’s not about one person being more necessary than the other, it’s them both working together to fulfill their own roles.

As one of the central characters in the movie, Yamato’s also having an existential crisis of adulthood, and in his case, it’s that he’s playing everything too much by ear but isn’t really sure what he wants to commit to. He’s still enjoying music as a hobby, but it’s apparent he doesn’t want to commit to it as a career (which is, well, quite the common thing for those who have hobbies in middle school) -- and moreover, the novel indicates that it’s not bringing him happiness the way it used to. (The movie goes out of its way to depict Yamato feeling isolated with both a harmonica and a band, referencing that neither Adventure nor 02′s ways are doing it for him anymore.)

Beyond the motorcycle we see Yamato driving a few times in the movie, the official website profile makes it clear that this is one of his major new interests, and it’s presumably why he’s also attending an engineering school -- he can’t decide on a long-term goal, so he’ll at least experiment with the thing he likes. Yamato’s always been someone who thinks with emotions and feelings, so it fits him.

We also learn that he’s surprisingly studious, and is picking up some things that run contrary to his image (the glasses!), including the fact he seems to like school enough that he wants to do more school while he figures out what he wants to do. This is something that happens in real life for a certain kind of person in a career-based existential crisis -- as many people as there are who play very badly with educational structures, there are also people who rely very heavily on the structure of college or grad school basically handing you tasks to do on a plate, and find the job market to be scarier than staying within that bubble. It’s not too unreasonable to imagine that Yamato, who in certain ways has never really been the kind of person to assertively have an idea of “this is what I want to do!” and generally works by immediate feelings instead of long-term goals, would end up becoming that kind of person. As he says, it’s really just him trying to postpone the inevitable decision and get a grace period.

Since “shutting out one’s own partner (and therefore one’s own inner self)” is key to the cause of partner dissolution, Yamato’s way of it isn’t as direct as Taichi or Sora (who end up actively shutting out their partners in a bid to become an adult), but is most certainly there -- especially when he’s the one who drops a mocking line about the idea of bringing Gabumon to his school. (It’s not about whether it’s actually doable or not; it’s the fact that he laughs and scoffs at how stupid this is.) The fact he treats friends drifting apart as an “inevitable” thing, and eventually is shown very obviously to be keeping Gabumon out of the phone conversations (in stark contrast to the 02 quartet going out of their way to keep them involved on the other end) ultimately boils down to: neglect. Yamato’s coasting by on everything he likes, but it also means he’s just letting everything happen, instead of consciously pursuing things and passionately following things with gusto, the way he used to.

But we do see Yamato’s single-minded and passionate side come out again -- while Taichi shuts down and ruminates on what to do about his impending loss of Agumon, Yamato’s the one who desperately runs around trying to figure something out, recruiting the 02 quartet into it, losing sleep over it, and eventually having a passionate confrontation with Taichi as the climax approaches. (Note that this, again, is not a real conflict in nearly the same way the two of them would be spitting insults at each other all the way back in Adventure; it’s just the two baring their own feelings, and Yamato quickly accepts Taichi’s answer very easily because he, too, feels the same. Again: they’ve become very good at communicating.)

Yamato does eventually let Gabumon back into his periphery instead of neglecting him so much, and their final scene together in the movie involves them resuming their old method of tacit communication that they’d once shared together, with Yamato playing the harmonica. It’s a sign of Yamato finally embracing those things in the past that used to make him happy rather than cultivating an uncomfortable relationship with it just because he’d kicked it out of his career prospects, and ultimately coming to terms with what he likes and what makes him happy.

And speaking of career prospects...

The question of “why did Yamato become an astronaut?” is one that’s infamously weirded out people all over the globe because of how much it clashes with his image, and how much of a kind of “out-there” thing it is that had virtually no precedent whatsoever in Yamato’s prior hobbies. (Although, if you really think about it, space travel isn’t that huge of a hurdle as it sounds for a world like this where Digital Gates exist to bend space-time; you just send a probe with a Digital Gate link up there...) The original meta reason was, simply, that it was a holdover from one of the original ideas for the third Adventure series, in which they would be investigating forces that were obstructing evolution from space. (The original logical progression was that Adventure would have a threat from the Digital World, 02 a threat from the real world, so the theoretical third series would be space...) When you think about which of the original Tokyo Chosen Children would be the most likely to actively pursue this route, it actually is likely to be Yamato, given that Taichi is more of a person who’s an overall leader and coordinator, whereas Yamato, who’s much more up-front aggressive and openly passionate, would be more likely to want to tackle the situation with his own hands.

Kizuna -- or, more specifically, its novel -- offers another (and not mutually exclusive!) explanation:

While studying at graduate school, Yamato came up with a dream he had for his future. He wanted to study cosmology, and become an astronaut. The way there would not be easy. There was a whole mountain of things he’d have to do to get there. But Yamato had a certain ambition in mind. Someday, he was going to go to space with Gabumon. Whenever he thought of that future, Yamato was willing to do anything to get there.

Remembering that Yamato was at an engineering school (presumably originally from the motorcycles connection), it seems that he eventually “ran into” the career option by chance and happenstance, and thought about it and decided he wanted to follow it for the sake of going with Gabumon. It’s a very “romantic” and sappy kind of “out-there” dream, and, actually, that’s the point -- Yamato is a ridiculous romanticist, the kind of person who waxed about barbecue back in Adventure episode 6, and compared his relationship with Takeru to Hikoboshi and Orihime back in 02 episode 17, and spouted a bunch of poetic words at the sea during Letter. And, remember, he’s always been openly shameless and passionate about everything he’s felt and liked, and has never cared what other people would think.

And in the context of Kizuna, where Yamato was slowly losing touch with himself and his passions and eventually lost Gabumon as a result, it’s a very important sign that everything’s on its way back to healing, and that he’ll be able to achieve that future where they meet again.

[lucivar]

For the writer asks, prepare for bombardment!

3, 11, 13, 19, 22, 39

P and Q ♥️

~~~

Thank you so much for the submission @sweetsoundsofignorance! 😭 tumblr hates our love and has refused to let me comment on any of your replies so I will spam your asks later with dumb jokey reflections 🖤

Answers under the cut!

3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?

Cursed or awesome? I spend WAAAAY too much time making myself playlists and picturing scenes for graphic novels, I shirk writing to draw elaborate scenes no one will ever see, I make mood boards, storyboards and folders for reference, I must write at least 70% of a long fic before I publish the first chapter, I have always been aggressively obsessed with schedules, which I am now learning to chill the fuck out. For my own fic, thinking of character names and appearances takes up my whole life, and writing lore can be a job unto itself. I forget time and space exists when I write and will go a whole day without food some times. I get up at any time in the night when inspiration strikes and jot down thoughts like an insane person.

11. Do you believe in the old advice to “kill your darlings?” Are you a ruthless darling assassin? What happens to the darlings you murder? Do you have a darling graveyard? Do you grieve?

Hahahah I kill so many darlings, some of them on whim. I keep a detailed graveyard of darlings, with completely new drafts for each major plot change (of which there are usually 5 = pentagram = devils symbol = cursed) and completely new drafts for major chapter breaks or consolidations. I keep an 'offcuts' chapter that is organised by run scene so I can find content again if I need. I think I have been most ruthless with Undue, and have more deleted text than included text, but it's great because I read it with a vindictive thrill knowing how many darlings I murdered to get to this point. I am at a point with Undue that I had three options for the ending and I wrote myself debating points for each side to see if the one I chose was the strongest. The other two were slaughtered. 🖤

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

I think certain characters are easy than others and certain scenes are easier than others, but I think this is a hard question to answer in entirety because I tend to select stories and plots I find exciting, so I never really work on anything truly 'difficult'. Over time, I pick different things to focus on - Inevitability was a study in how two very incompatible people could be smashed together, Summer Shivers was plot by dialogue (which was weird for me), Viper was extremely detailed mystery, and Undue is plot by emotional spiralling (so much fun!). I find at the moment, in Undue, I have difficulty/joy in expressing exactly what I want to say and how I want to say it, but that's where the enjoyment and learning comes from!

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

Answered here!

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

I know you think I am really organised, but I don't think I have optimised my system yet so it all feels very haphazard...

I use boards and coloured postit notes to block out the narrative storyboard, including key clues to the character, key clues to the audience, key main character interactions/feelings so I can glare at it for a while to make sure the flow makes sense.

I block out an outline in high-level action/feeling statements, usually dictating where I want to end the chapter (peak mystery or devastating cliffie). I use notes app and actual note books to jot down ideas and flow of chapters, which I then parse into my outline.

For certain technical things (e.g. historic weaponry, detailed lore- or, in the case of Viper Radio - a goddamn 'murder' board) will create step by step folders with colour-coded notes that detail to me what I as the author should know, versus what my characters and readers know. Reading this now seems peak psycho, thank you 🖤

39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

Other, adjacent creative activities, like research, world-building and art. I love researching and I am a very curious person, so can spiral into aspects of a story trying to get to the bottom of some niche point, or spend hours writing lore and history (complete with timelines, historical figures, religion and present-day myth) or spend hours drawing my poor little meow meows.

Also reading, commenting and drawing fan art helps me too! Appreciating other's work (esp. yours), lore, research and trying to convey that in creepy art is always inspiring!

[stray-kids-react]

S/O likes enjoys writing/writing lyrics

Masterlist

...

Bang Chan

° You owned this special and locked diary for years, where you kept all your bottles up emotions and feelings in.

° One of those feelings evolving your long time crush on Chan, including the words 'Sexy, Cute, Inspirational, Hot, Prince, and A Literal Angel' all in quite a few pages. Luckily your now long time boyfriend has never seen these fangirl/boy paragraphs.

° Chan was all of those words, no doubt about it. But it is still hard to look at those paragraphs without cringing at how desperate you sounded in your mind.

° Chan however apparently loved your affectionate paragraphs, flipping through the pages as you walked through his studio door. Your heart sank as pure shock and terror rushed through your veins. No one wants their private thoughts to be read.

° The tips of Chan's ears were firetruck red, as a beaming grin flashed towards you. You noted that he read through the entire diary, knowing all the dreams and wishes you had that involved him. No skeletons were left in your closet anymore, it was bittersweet.

"So you really think I'm an angel who is also the sexiest person on earth?" he teased, cupping your face in his palms.

"Well duh, but you can't tell me you didn't think anything like that towards me-" You defended, cut off by his sweet kisses.

Lee Know

° Minho found out about your true feelings towards him while reading some song lyrics you wanted to show 3Racha.

° He needed to know who you loved and admired so dearly after reading this, constantly by your side questioning anything he could. After literal weeks of conspiracy, you couldn't take his suspicion anymore and admitted everything.

° You are now much more secretive with your songs that you've written, but that won't stop Minho from looking everywhere he possibly can. He is determined to find them.

° After so many large steps that were taken in your relationship, he wants to see how you truly felt throughout them. From the first date, first time, to the promise ring he fave you last week. Minho wants to say it's to tease, when it's truly because he loves you.

° He loved the way his stomach did kart wheels as his heart fluttered when he first read your words. He hasn't felt that amazing feeling in a while and needs to re live it, luckily for him he noticed a place he has never thought of checking.

"So kitten, you really want to marry me don't you?" he commented, a soft smirk across his glowing features.

"Why wouldn't I? You're you. And how'd you find those?!" you replied, tone changing as you saw how many he actually had.

Changbin

° Changbin was struggling to create a new song, he seemed to accidently make similar beats and lyrics to their past hits.

° You would sometime write up different songs when you were bored, but you never showed them to anyone thinking they weren't great. But Changbin looked in need of some type of inspiration, so you brought out your journal and placed it infront of him.

° His expression was unreadable, either about to thank you for the amazing inspiration or laugh at your cheesy words. You just wanted him to say something.

° Changbin began to smile shyly, showing you a page he just read over. That page happened to be the most recent and the one you completely forgot about. It was a draft about 10 different ways you could tell Changbin that you loved him.

° You really wanted it to be special when you would say it to him, but luck didn't seem to be on your side that day. You were at least glad that he was smiling, showing positive signs that he isn't feeling awkward or doesn't feel the same way about you.

"I love you too my adorable bean." He chuckled, pulling you into his lap as he held you close to his racing heart beat.

"I'm guessing he new comeback is going to be a love song now?" you teased, burrowing into his soft black hoodie.

Hyunjn

° Your relationship use to be a cat and mouse situation, one day you two were best friends and then the next you two were rivals.

° Your anger and frustration towards one another was simply a way to hide your true emotions. Both of you found each other attractive in and out, but were too stubborn to confess. That is until he walked into your room and pressed you up against the wall.

° Your rivalry left out the door once you started dating, the only ounce of it was left in the small playful bickering and teasing. Which happened every day of the week.

° You walked into the dressing rooms, noticing Han and Felix giggling as your presence became known. This wasn't a usual giggle of theirs, something was going on. You knew that for sure once you saw the way Hyunjin presented himself.

° A sly smirk across his lips as a couple crumpled peace of paper were in between his fingers. His steps were long and powerful, as he held his head up high while nearing you. This usually meant he found something to tease you with.

"I didn't know you liked me for five years, coming up with so many cute pet names if we ever dated." He teased, hiding his blush.

"First of all, you went through my desk without asking me. Second of all, I am whipped for you dumb dumb." You replied.

Han

° You weren't a very vocal person, having trouble expressing your thoughts and emotions through words everyday.

° That reason alone is also why people think you and Han are a perfect match. He helped you come out of your shell and be comfortable in your own skin. All of those actions sent your heart into a frenzy, finding there way into pages filled with emotion.

° Han knew about your habit of writing cute quotes on your palms and arms, or just randomly taking out your journal and starting a new page.

° He respected your privacy even if the temptation of knowing every little thought you have was very very strong, he held back and let you write in peace. However, when you dropped your journal without knowing. Han held it and the temptation took over.

° As you had a chat with Seungmin, he turned around from your eye sight and flipped through the pages. Many of them expressing how much you love him and how much he helped you without him even knowing. This effected Han immensely.

"Hannie are you crying?" you questioned, noticing the forming gloss over his sparkling chocolate orbs.

"Yeah, but it's happy tears. I just never knew how much you cared about me, and it makes me feel important." He explained.

Felix

° You cannot hide anything from this adorable koala, he knows you too well and can find anything you've hidden from him.

° You learned this the hard way when you asked him for help when forgetting where you left your journal, panicking since the last place you saw it was at Minho's. Felix knew you usually placed it near your bed and assumed it to be under the covers.

°His assumption was spot on, but you had no idea that he had found it yet. Felix took this advantage to skim through a few pages, smiling at the sight of his name in the book.

° His name was mentioned ever since the day you first met, January 7th 2017. He was written as this attractive aussie that had your knees weak, he laughed silently at the realization that you fancied him since the first day you met. He loved it.

° Felix walked out with the navy blue book tight in his grip, his ears a bright shade of red. You knew he must've read some sort of page about him, but you weren't nervous about it. It couldn't have been anything more cheesy than what you say on dates.

"I can't believe Han knew about your crush on me that entire time." Felix chuckled, shock filling his expression.

"And I can't believe you never knew how much I truly admired you." You teased back, kissing his freckle speckled cheeks.

Seungmin

° Seungmin met you at a library, you were working on a soft poem about not being able to find the right person.

° That whole meeting seemed like something right off of a romance movie or fanfiction novel. Writing about giving up on love as an amazing guy happens to cross paths with you. But both of you laugh at the whole cliché nature of your meeting.

° Seungmin loved how you wrote, taking him into the story each time. He felt so special whenever he found something referring to your relationship, feeling fuzzy inside.

° He liked to bring some of your poems on tour with him, reminding him to stay strong when being away from you. Letting him know that you'll always be there for him when he needs you, even if you are both countries away from each other.

° Felix once found his stash of poems that you wrote, he never teased him on it but would still smile excitedly at how sentimental Seungmin was becoming. Seungmin knew he was becoming cheesy and mushy, he hated yet loved it.

"Do you know how much you have effected me?" he questioned, tracing the curve of your jaw with his thumb.

"Or maybe you have an addiction to me, ever think of that?" you responded, smiling widely as he rolled his eyes at your words.

Jeongin

° You worked under JYP entertainment to help create songs for different groups, Jeongin noticed you during his break.

° You rarely got to work with Stray Kids since they made 99% of their own songs, but that didn't stop Jeongin from trying to get to know you. It worked in his favor, since you began to develop a living in him after two months of hang out together.

° Jeongin likes hearing certain songs you create or in the process of being created, cheering you on and telling all of his members when you created a song.

° He liked to give you the credit and appreciation you rarely get, most of the credit going towards the artist who performed the songs you created. Jeongin wanted to let you know how proud he was of you daily, even if you got shy from it.

° Whenever you showed him different samples of songs you were working on, he'd dance in his seat with a beaming smile. Even when you were tired and wanted the day to end, his admiration and addicting smile would make your mood change instantly.

"I am just worried because JYP has been pretty harsh on the past few songs." You sighed, tired and frustrated.

"He literally wrote a song about women's butts. I'm pretty sure you're more talented baby." He reassured, patting your head.