#I only found out why recently and I kinda wish I hadn't :^(

[trianglemom]

Okay so we've gone from people comparing my sona to Bill Cipher to her being compared to iilluminaughtii and I want to explode 🫠

[autism-autobot]

LMK Angst Fic Part 4: (I ran out of funny rhyming titles)

TW: Suicidal ideation/attempt, death, (if I missed any please let me know)

Part 3 if you haven't read it yet:

"You planned on using the Samadhi Fire to do WHAT????!!!!!"

Wukong didn't expect his brother to be this upset and downright horrified when he found out about his original plan to put an end to the Lady Bone Demon.

Ever since his recent "incident" Nezha has refused to leave Sun Wukong anywhere alone. Nezha stayed days and nights with him in fear of something happening to Wukong, and occasionally something would, but never to the extremes that he reached that night. They would switch between staying at Flower Fruit Mountain and staying at Nezha's house in the celestial realm. Wherever they were, Nezha would keep close tabs on Wukong.

Nezha had to attend a private conference today, and so decided to leave Sun Wukong in the Demon Bull Family's care. Eventually, Red Son brought up the fight with the LBD which eventually led to the current topic of conversation.

SWK: Well, I mean, there are worse plans I could've had than kamikaze-ing Lady Bone Demon.

DBK: I SINCERELY DOUBT THAT!!!!!!!

PIF: Honestly, Wukong, do you really have a death wish or something?

SWK: Why do you think Nezha left me here with you guys?

SWK: *realizes what he just said*

Nezha hadn't explained to Princess Iron Fan exactly why he thought that Wukong needed to be babysat watched over, only that he had a good reason for requesting this of her and her family. Iron Fan had known Nezha for a long time, and knew whatever reasoning it was, it was sound. But this? This was something she had never fathomed could come to be, let alone is.

RS: Oooooh, so that's why Nezha had you stay with us. You're on suicide watch!

DBK & PIF: RED SON, MIND YOURSELF!!!!!

RS: Well he is!

SWK: It's okay. We might as well call it as it is.

SWK: It didn't exactly start out as a suicide watch, but I think Nezha might have gotten a little paranoid since then, so it's basically suicide watch at this point.

SWK: I'm not entirely ashamed of it, really. I think it's very sweet of Nezha to be looking out for me like this. No one has had my back in such a long time, I kinda forgot what it felt like to have someone who genuinely cares about me.

RS: But we care about you. Don't we father?

DBK: Indeed. You would do well to remember that little brother.

SWK: Wait, you guys aren't just doing this as a favor to Nezha? I thought you guys were still mad at me for, you know, the whole mountain thing?

DBK: Of course not! That's water under the bridge at this point! I'm not mad at you for that, and yes I still mourn the time that was lost, but ultimately you are my brother. Nothing will ever change that.

RS: If you don't mind my asking, I would like to hear your side of the story, uncle. I have heard the tale of my father's imprisonment several times from both of my parents, but I would like to know how things went from your perspective.

SWK: Really?

RS: Indeed.

PIF: I admit, I am quite curious as well.

RS: What about you father?

DBK: I believe I would like to know as well.

SWK: Alright, you asked for it.

Sun Wukong recollected the tale of the Demon Bull King's imprisonment, but the way he told it, it was hardly about the act of imprisoning his brother, but rather the events that came before and after the matter.

~~~

Wukong had been at his husband's side as his beloved was about to succumb to a terrible illness that had plagued him for a while. To their misfortune, the Jade Emperor himself instructed Sun Wukong to kill, not imprison, the Demon Bull King. He said that if Wukong didn't comply, they would send someone else after DBK, and possibly his wife and only son as well, depending upon whether said other person saw fit. Both spouses were enraged and horrified at the thought. Wukong's spouse then encouraged him to go to stop his brother, but he could hardly bring himself to do so.

Wukong didn't want to leave his husband's side, but the choice (or lack thereof) became clear.

He had to let his husband die alone.

It was then that Wukong heard his beloved spouse's last words to him:

"My love will be with you even after I'm gone. Now go. Save your brother. I love you so much."

And Wukong responded:

"I love you too, my precious snapdragon."

---

Sun Wukong later returned staffless and heartbroken and found his bed void of all life, but also void of a corpse as well.

~~~

RS: Wait, whatthefuck? Where did the corpse go?

SWK: THAT'S THE WEIRD PART!!! I DON'T KNOW!!!!

SWK: But I do have a theory....

~~~

Some species of monkey, including the ones on FFM have a funeral ritual that Wukong has been attempting to outlaw for centuries. They rip the corpse to shreds and essentially have a snowball fight with the remains. However, there were no remnants of any type of corpse on the mountain.

~~~

DBK: What is wrong with your people?

SWK: I don't know, apparently I'm king of the psychopaths!

SWK: Anyhow, that's my theory. I kind of hope I'm right about this because what else could have possibly happened?

PIF: I don't know and I don't want to know.

RS: I don't know what I was anticipating your side of the story would be but it certainly wasn't that!

~~~

Nezha arrived a few hours later to collect Sun Wukong and was asked to confirm the Jade Emperor portion of Wukong's story, to which he did.

Nezha: I hadn't known that Wukong's husband was on his deathbed at the time! That is unacceptable regardless of circumstance. I'm very sorry for your loss.

SWK: It's fine, it happened hundreds of years ago and it's not like he's around to do it again.

Nezha: True, true.

RS: DID HE MENTION THAT PART ABOUT

~~~

Nezha went to sleep with one eye open that night.

[asocialangel]

hey!! i was wondering if you could do sitting on itzy’s lap headcanons? kinda like your recent skz one ^ thank u <3

LITERALLY A YEAR AFTER i'm soo so sorry, maybe u don't even use your acc anymore, maybe you're not even a midzy who knows ?! I just stopped writing for a year, but when i came back to it, your request was still inspiring. I hope you like this, lovely anon <3 (it's acc worse than a year, it's 14 months lol)

Other verions: Yeji - Lia - Ryujin - Chaer - Yuna

sitting on itzy's lap out of habit.

Yeji - 422 words - fluff

Each member will be published separately (over the course of few days, i just need to finish writing one girl) because the post would be too long otherwise For a little twist it won't be exactly like skz, I'll make it "sitting on their lap as it is a habit of yours". Hope u like it and i hadn't forgotten u <3 lots of love

Yeji: would play along with it, hugging you from behind, until she'll realize what she's actually doing. Then she'd have a sudden moment of realization, and ask what you're doing here. Seeing how relaxed you are, she'd go back to her activities, accepting her fate, maybe even enjoying it. 

"Neeext". The monotonous voice of the make-up artist resonated in the busy waiting room, and despite all the noise and movement, the seat previously occupied by Lia found a new model. As everyone got swift and active, preparing for the showcase, you were the only calm one. Maybe, obviously actually, it was because you weren't involved in it, so the stress couldn't get to you. Itzy were the ones getting ready. Each member was immersed in something, and the professional staff too. Make-up, hairdos, outfits checks. The room was as busy as an anthill. Apart from you, only one girl was now calm: Yeji. She was peacefully scrolling through her phone, one remaining hair clip in her hair. She barely paid attention to her surroundings. She had been the first to get readied up, so she was enjoying left over time to destress and get her mind on something else. 

๑

"Sooorry? Sorry !" Yeah... Obviously when in a busy room, people like you, just standing in the middle, get in the way of others. If you were gonna stay here with your friends and be useless, at least don't be bothersome. So while excusing yourself, you walked towards the couchy bench Yeji was sitting on. As she was the only one done, the whole bench was empty. But without even thinking about it, you walked up to her, laying your hands on her shoulders, and sat on her lap. She looked up startled. This had forced her to lift her eyes from her phone. And as she realized what just happened, a pinkish color started filling up her cheeks. 

"Uhmm-h-hey what's up? What are you doing?" 

"Uhm, sitting ?" You answered naturally, unbothered, not even realizing how awkward Yeji had gotten. "What are you even doing on your phone ? Sending bubbles to MIDZY? I swear you're always thinking about them~" you continued, clueless. Your body was perpendicular to her's. And while you still latched on to her shoulders, looking down to her phone screen, she stared at you right in the eyes for a couple seconds, while you remained unfazed. "Yes I do love them" she finally replied, lifting her phone up again and getting back to typing. "You wouldn't need to get jealous though”.

A\N is this good ? I really liked this request, which was my second ever request i got so i was over the moon, but for some reason i had stopped writing. I think it was because i was very busy in April of 2022. I had exams etc, and i never came back to it ! Until i had an awakening again, this April of 2023. Idk why. Who knows, maybe in a month i'll get bored of writing again (i wish not). But the idea of starting to write again came to me in late December. So basically this project is all over the place, but it's fun ~ ( i was writing the headcanons in a lodge in Hwange hahahah). Will my BLLK followers mind me posting this ? K-pop stans and animes fans are cousins anyways <3

[bonesandthebees]

Hi again Bee.

Thank you for lending an ear to listen even if I just kinda showed up. I really appreciate it. I've actually been reading through some of your other stories and they're very good (I adore the fae works!).

When it comes to Wilbur, I'm just. Very disappointed and upset. Of course I support Shubble and am glad she spoke out, it's very important and I'm glad that it's encouraged others to come forward with their own stories of abuse at the hands of large creators. At the same time though part of me wishes she hadn't said anything, so I could have continued as I was, in blissful ignorance, even if I feel really guilty for thinking like that.

It just saddens me that someone I looked up to so much ended up being this horrible person. It makes me worried that I too am bad, that somehow he has imprinted his awfulness unto me. I used to be horrible too. I like to think I've grown as a person, I was only a kid, but have I? Or was being drawn to Wilbur a sign? Like attracting like?

Y'know, I used to say that my hair style goals were how Wilbur's hair is, and recently I got a haircut. When I took a shower earlier it ended up floofing up in a similar way to his. I don't know how to feel about that. Maybe I should style it differently, even though I like the floof. I don't want to be even a little reminiscent of an abuser.

I am reminiscent of him though, in ways I can't change. I used to feel so seen by him, we're both song writers, and hypochondriacs, and I wanted to be him so badly I would cry. I would cry because he was everything I desperately craved to be as an insecure transmasc, an attractive guy with a beautiful voice and an amazing life. And now he's horrible, and probably always has been, and all of my memories of him are tainted.

I hate that I can't listen to Lovejoy anymore. It feels unfair to the other band members. It isn't their fault Wilbur is awful, and yet I'm taking away a source of their income. I know I'm taking away from Wilbur too, but he's only one person out of the group. Maybe that's just me giving an excuse so that I won't have to stop enjoying their music. It doesn't matter, I can't stomach listening to them anymore anyways.

I keep getting songs from YCGMA stuck in my head. It's like now that I can't listen to it anymore my brain has decided to fuck with me by making me listen to it anyways. I can't even justify listening to that album, that's just Wilbur's music. I was going to cover a song from that album for fun. Now I can't.

Is it bad I still find comfort in Wilbur as a character? C!Tommy is my favorite, but C!Wilbur is almost always a huge part of any C!Tommy story and I love C!Wilbur stories too. I know C! ≠ CC! but I just. It's complicated.

Idek why I'm this upset. I haven't been an avid watcher of anyone in the DSMP in at least over a year. If anything this whole thing has brought me back into the fandom more than I have been in ages. I feel bad about that, but also this situation has introduced me to people like Aimsey, whose content I'm seeing more of and I find myself enjoying.

I've also found more great DSMP fics lately in my quest to binge read them before the mass deletions start. Is it bad to find good things in a bad situation?

I'm sorry for the lack of put togetherness and the length of this ask. I promise I'm usually more coherent and to the point.

-Tech (just call me Tech like a name, "tech anon" feels weird heh)

hey tech, sorry for a bit of a late reply I've been busy the past few days

(sorry about the 'tech anon' thing, it's just a habit since that's how I refer to most of my anons. I'm going to still tag your ask as tech anon though just for my tagging system if that's okay)

I'm so glad you like the fae stories!! I'm still so proud of both of those looking back on them

anyway, yeah, I get that. I get the guilty wish that none of this had ever come out so you could just continue to go on in blissful ignorance. when someone learns something very upsetting, it's only natural to feel like you wish you never learned that. you don't need to feel guilty for that. you're not a bad person for your emotional reactions to things. your actions are what matters.

also, you are in no way a bad person because you were drawn to wilbur's content. the persona wilbur put on for the internet was not representative of who he actually was. you were drawn to the facade. an illusion of the person wilbur could've been, if he actually practiced the things he preached. you said you used to be a bad person, but you've changed. the fact that you are worried at all that you might still be bad shows a level of self-awareness and concern that wilbur apparently did not have. because wilbur was aware he was a bad person and treated the people around him terribly, but he didn't care to try and be better. as long as you're trying to be better, you're already leagues ahead of him.

also, regarding the hair, the floofy fringe is an incredibly common haircut. that is not exclusive to wilbur soot. you do not look like him if your hair does the floof similarly to his, it just makes you look like thousands of other dudes with fluffy fringe.

the day after shelby first streamed I had an MSR song stuck in my head and I hated it so much. it really sucks. you just have to try and drown it out with other music

it's not hypocritical at all to still find comfort in c!wilbur. I know it's complicated, and there's so much discussion I could get into as to why it's so complicated, but we can all separate the guy and the character in our heads. there's no reason to feel guilty about that. and there's also nothing bad about finding good in this situation. I think it's really sweet that you've found so many great fics in this time and I'm so glad you've been getting comfort from them. you're appreciating the authors hard work and that's a good thing! you don't need to feel bad about that

I hope you're doing okay tech

[odycal-pbarnes]

Gochi week - wish on the dragon balls

cw-light NSFW

It was late at the Son household, all asleep except for Goku and ChiChi as they lay bare in their bed, hearts calming and bodies cooling while they basked in the afterglow of their most recent bout lovemaking.

"I miss my tail."

ChiChi lifted her head from Goku's chest at his admission, the slight uptick of his heart beneath her fingers betraying his nerves even as his expression remained relaxed.

"Yeah?" While there was only gentle curiosity in her tone, his heart skipped as she watched him visibly swallow as he nodded without looking at her, a light blush dusting over his cheeks.

She smiled softly and rested her head back on his chest before pressing a kiss over his heart as she waited for him to gather his thoughts.

Sex had always made him more open to talking about the more vulnerable thoughts he usually kept hidden behind his carefree demeanor, the comfort and safety that their intimacy brought never failing to wheedle something out of him.

"Fells like part o' me's missin', ya know? Dunno why, I've done just fine without it all these years; seems kinda dumb thinkin' bout it now." He explained after a moment with a half hearted laugh as his fingers traced thoughtfully over the back of her shoulder.

"It's not dumb honey, there's nothin' wrong with missin' somethin' that used to be a part of ya, no matter how long it's been." She reassured lovingly and hummed her pleasure as his hand made its way into her hair, the strands falling between his fingers as he played with it.

"Would ya still wanna be with me like this if I still had it?" He asked conversationally, the same way he'd ask her what she was planning for dinner, but there was a hint of uncertainty that prompted her to shift and push herself up so that she was towering over him, bringing them eye to eye for the first time since he'd brought it up.

"Ya know, when I decided that I was gonna getcha at the tournament I was under the impression that ya still had it; didn' turn me off then an' it definitely don' turn me off now." She told him, feeling smug that it seemed he'd been caught off guard by her answer, his eyes wide as he searched her face for deceit and relaxing when he found none.

"Does that mean it turns ya on or tha'cha don' mind it?" He asked carefully, wanting to be sure as he couldn't tell if the way she smelled was just from their previous romp or if she was feeling a fresh wave of arousal.

"Guess it's kinda both." She answered after a thoughtful hum before straddling his waist and smirked as he groaned at the contact, his hand coming up to lightly grip her chin to pull her down for a kiss that quickly turned heated.

"Ya think bout me doin' stuff to ya with it?" He asked when they parted, his voice dropping an octave that sent a pleasant thrill skittering down her spine, making his nose twitch and shot her a look that was full of promise.

"D'you?" She countered, purposefully evading his question as she peppered his neck with kisses and little nips, his groans low enough that it almost sounded like a purr and felt the twitch of his growing erection against her backside.

"Sometimes," he admitted and she looked up at him, watching his heated gaze turn tender as he messaged her thighs lovingly, "not all of it's dirty though, I think about wrappin' it 'round ya when we cuddle a whole lot."

His admission had her swooning and pressed a sweet kiss to his lips before nuzzling her nose against his.

"Maybe we could ask Bulma for the dragon radar an' work on gettin' it back?"

"Sounds good." He agreed almost thoughtfully and gave her a cheeky grin that was her only warning before she was suddenly pinned against the mattress and staring up at him, his playful grin turning heated once again.

She knew she was in for it as she met his hungry kisses with equal fervor, thankful that she hadn't made any plans, already anticipating that she'd need at least one long soak in the bath to soothe the soreness she'd likely be feeling come morning.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #135

Sephiroth, I have so much to tell you today and it's not even 3pm yet!! It's only like 2:22pm, and today isn't nearly finished with todaying yet!!

I feel really good today. I guess that neck traction thingy must have been really good for me, because today I am still in almost no pain, and so I feel like I have a lot more energy than usual! I wore the shirt that I recently got from the thrift shop, and I brewed some toast-and-jam tea today, and then I went out on a walk to let it steep; it's a very acidic tea, so if I put milk or cream or ice cream in it while it's still hot, whatever dairy product I used will curdle. The curdling doesn't make it taste bad, but it does make the texture weird, so I wanted to avoid that. I figured the tea would be sufficiently cool by the time I came back.

I intended for the walk to be short, but... I accidentally went on a VERY long walk. It started out as a walk around my neighborhood; there were petals all over the grass in one spot, and I saw a few new flowers, and there was a cute little bumblebee, and the ferns are sprouting up nicely, and the path to one of the outdoor areas looked especially nice today, so I thought to take some pictures for you, just in case you might like to see:

...I was gonna go home from here, but on a whim, I decided to follow a flying crow, which led me to a path I hadn't noticed before:

...I think this is a maintenance trail, and I think I'm not technically supposed to go this way, but... I went anyways (mwahaha! 🫣🤭🫢🤫)!!! And I found what I think might be wild strawberry flowers:

...The ones that are native to this place don't get huge like the ones in the grocery store, but they're very sweet if the soil they're growing in is good! I'll have to check back on these a little later in the season and see what happens!

The trail went a really long way:

I found a fallen tree that seems to have been torn right out of the ground; it was kinda spooky:

...I examined the tree and made a teeny tiny little green spider friend; it was so cute!

You can see the tiny spider friend in the above image if you look very carefully! It was so tiny that it was hard to get a good, focused picture!

I also saw 3 deer and a red squirrel, but they bounded off before I could snap a picture of them with my camera; sorry about that!

On another whim, I decided to go to the nearby actual trailhead, where it's definitely allowed for us to walk. There's a big huge puddle in front of it; I was delighted today to discover that it's already full of tadpoles!!

...Hey, Sephiroth? Have you ever seen tadpoles in real life? I know that my pictures don't capture it very well, but they're such squiggly little things!! If you haven't gotten to see any with your own eyes, then I hope you'll get to see some soon!

I also managed to snatch a picture of another bird-of-prey; this one was really high up there. It's the little black speck in the sky:

...The camera didn't capture it, but the sunlight shone through its feathers, making them glow a bright coppery color. I wish you could have been here to see it! Or better yet, you could fly up and take a really nice picture of it, couldn't you? Y'know, thanks to that fancy wing of yours?

...I can imagine that maybe your wing might be a bit of a sore spot for you. But you know... I think it's pretty cool, and it lets you do really awesome things, like fly around and stuff. And I don't think that this make you any less human than me. Because, you know, in my world, humans come with all different numbers of limbs; some of them are born with extra, and some of them are born with fewer than usual, and some of them need to get one partially or wholly removed, and some of them have nifty prosthetics in their place! And these are all okay; they're just different ways to be human! It's really not all that unusual. And besides, what with how undoubtedly strong and soft and fluffy your lovely wing must be, I bet you could give AMAZING hugs with it! I'll bet you could!!

...And if anyone gives you guff about it, or says you're not human anymore because you have it, just send them my way - I'll fix their attitude really fast, and if that doesn't work then I can yell at them until they go really far away so you don't have to deal with their crap anymore; you don't even hafta worry about it, okay?

...Anyway! The sky in general was beautiful today, too; I grabbed a picture of a swirly-whirly cloud, and then some leaves in a tree, highlighted by the sun:

...And as for me, I looked like a total sasquatch by the time I was all done and ready to go home, hahaha!

...But that's okay!! It's TOTALLY NORMAL to look like a sasquatch after being outside for a long time! I wanna say I spent like 3 hours being out and about, soaking up the sun, wading through brush and thorns, balancing on logs, climbing up hills, and taking photos for you! It was a lot of exercise, so I got some epic noms from the local Korean place, and J got some, too; check it out...

This one is marinated short rib with tomatoes, avocado, carrots, cucumbers, onions, and sauteed corn over greens, with a hard boiled egg!

...And this one is pork bulgogi with cabbage and greens over rice!

Hey, Sephiroth? When is the last time you went out on an adventure walk? When is the last time you made friends with a tiny spider? When is the last time you took a picture of anything? Do you take pictures? What sorts of pictures do you take? When is the last time you had epic noms? And what did you have? I hope someday you'll tell me...

...In the meantime, after eating the snacks, I went and got some kites and a sticker book; the sticker book was a suggestion made by some awesome person on the internet named @tinyfluffyshark, because they noticed in one of my letters that I was sad because I love stickers, but the dyspraxia makes it hard for me to use them!! I didn't know that such a thing as sticker books existed, but now I do, and one is on the way to my house! Do you know what this means?! It means I CAN BE TRUSTED WITH STICKERS NOW!!! 🤩🤩🤩 That's because sticker books are made of special paper that lets you put them down on a page and pick them up and rearrange them whenever you like!!

...I can't wait to show you the kites and the sticker books when they arrive! I can't wait...

...I guess this means I have to get stickers now!! Hahahaha! 😄💖 I guess I can get any that suit my fancy! Hey, Sephiroth? What kind of stickers would you get, if you had a sticker book? Curious... 😊🥰

Today is still not done todaying, but I think I am going to stop writing for today. I intend to absorb myself in other kinds of writing today, and later I'm going to watch the new Fionna and Cake show with M and J. I don't expect anything else of significance will occur today, and I am out of space in this letter to put more pictures, so... if anything else happens today, I'll write about it tomorrow, okay?

...That means you gotta stay safe until then, all right??? Please. Because I'll write to you again tomorrow. I love you.

Your friend, Lumine

[innitnotfound]

Tales of vesperia!!!

Sooooooo I got tales (of vesperia) for like 20 dollars at a mall recently and here is my experience!!! Don't expect consistent updates lmao

When the opening cutscene was happening (where Yuri was sitting at the window) and Yuri hadn't talked yet (I had English voice on) I was like "oh she's really pretty,,," and then I heard his voice and i was like "OOP that's a man 😶"

He's still hot tho. Like genuinely. I've never found a guy THIS attractive before. Like I wouldn't want to do anything or get with him or anything like that, but like he's still really pretty. (Probably because I thought he was a girl at first 😶 the pretty boys always get me)

ESPECIALLY in the "reliable senior" outfit as well. On god. I just wish the attachments showed up on costumes so I could put glasses on RS!Yuri and lose my SHIT

Also Rita's outfit is an absolute VIBE, especially the boots, goddamn.

Also I haven't gotten Judith yet, but like... Goddamn 😳😳😳 (hot women have me acting unwise once more)

Also, I'm just saying... Flynn and Yuri? Kinda fruity thing they got going on ("I can't wait to see his face when he sees the revived great halure tree" why? So you can kiss him underneath it? So you can feel his soft lips on yours as cherry blossom petals flutter around you like in a romance novel? Gay ass.)

Edit: uhhhhhhhh this has been rotting in my drafts for god knows how long, at least since last year, but alot of stuff said still holds true.

Yuri is still hot, Judith, who I STILL haven't met, is still hot, Rita's still a vibe, and Flynn + Yuri are still hella gay to me (To the point where I said "*gasp* Toxic Yuri?" in the scene after you two reunite in rainsville USA)

But on new-er news, I just got to the Den of Guilds town and have to go somewhere because spoiler plot shit

I think Estelle has some shit going on with her. Granted i don't think she's evil, but I do think she's hiding things. I know the thing about her bastilla but besides that, nothing.

Also it's really one of two characters at this point, but I think Dragon Guy is either Raven or Judith. We need a way to fast travel *eventually*, unless we're just supposed to walk everywhere, and a dragon rider would be the perfect way to do that

Judith because she strikes me as the "dragon rider" type, and it would be cool as hell if her introduction was this badass dragon rider tbh, and all I'm saying is as far as I remember, I've never seen Raven and Dragon Guy in the same room (along with Raven also strikes me as a dragon rider.)

Leaning a litttttttle more towards Raven at this point, if only for the fact that "Hidden in plain sight" seems more likely than "New character being introduced", buuuuuut also if this whole Dragon Guy sub-plot turns out to be Judith's Introduction, I'm not gonna say I didn't call it

Anyways now I'm just going places I'm *really* probably not supposed to be at this point, and beating up Zincs and Bronzes for items to sell, despite being probably no where near the point plot-wise where I should logically be going in that area yet.

In my defense, if they didn't want me going there, they should have blocked me off from it

aaannnnnnddddddd that's it for now! Can't say expect consistent updates, but there will... Probably be updates

[crehador]

💘 sasaro ? also congrats on getting 13th place in the arb event!!!

ad;skfj;klajdf first of all tysm!! through the power of nausa and being annoying on main anything is possible!!!

secondly lmao oh god this is going to be an interesting one because my ass does not know how to write sasaro BUT LET'S TRY (send a heart prompts)

here's a silly little childhood friends high school au! with some good ol' mutual pining!! <3

Sasara was a known clown. Every bone in his body was a funny bone, and in all honesty Rosho didn't hate that about him. He dutifully played the part of the long-suffering straight man whenever Sasara got up to his usual antics, but he didn't genuinely feel like he 'suffered' Sasara at all.

There was only one joke Rosho didn't much care for.

Unfortunately, these days, it seemed to be Sasara's favorite joke.

"I don't know how you put up with him, Tsutsujimori," one of their classmates complained, after Sasara once again assaulted their whole class with an objectively god-awful pun.

"Force of habit," Rosho answered wearily.

At the exact same moment, Sasara joked, "We're madly in love, he has to put up with me."

Some people laughed, some people rolled their eyes, and Rosho heaved a great big sigh.

It wasn't… untrue, is the thing. At least not on Rosho's part.

He had no idea when it happened, and he was damn sure it meant there was something wrong with him, but he had at some point… maybe… kinda sorta… caught feelings for that horrible little clown.

Maybe it wasn't a recent development. Maybe he'd cared about Sasara since they were kids at the same daycare. Maybe that was why he hadn't noticed it creeping up on him.

They were second-years in high school now. Plenty of their peers were dating, or at least had dating on the mind, and Rosho had come to realize that his feelings for Sasara were regrettably trending in a decidedly amorous direction.

So it was less than ideal, to put it lightly, that Sasara had taken such a shine to cracking jokes about their (lack of a) relationship as of late.

It wasn't new for their classmates to question why Rosho tolerated him, but Sasara seemed to have a new response for those questions every other day.

"We're lovers in the nighttime."

"I'm a fabulous kisser."

"We're basically common-law married by now."

It was almost enough to make Rosho tear his own hair out.

Just how serious was Sasara when he said these things? The obvious answer was 'not very', because Sasara was hardly ever very serious about anything at all.

But what if…?

Most days, Rosho was sure that was just wishful thinking. But sometimes, he could swear he felt Sasara studying him after cracking one of those jokes, as though to gauge his reaction.

If Rosho wasn't just imagining that, what sort of reaction was Sasara looking for?

What sort of reaction was Rosho allowed to show?

"Rosho, seriously," another classmate groaned, jerking a thumb at Sasara after Sasara dropped another pun against humanity one day. "What do you even see in this guy?"

"Himself," Sasara quipped without missing a beat.

And Rosho, who had apparently had quite enough, heard himself deadpan, "Myself."

There was a moment of dead silence before they got the biggest laugh of their whole high school career to date. But when Rosho dared sneak a furtive glance at Sasara, he found that Sasara wasn't laughing at all.

Sasara wasn't even smiling.

"Did you mean it?" Sasara asked, when they took a break from studying in Rosho's room later that night.

Rosho opened his mouth. Any number of sharp comebacks flitted through his mind.

Did you?

Do you ever mean it?

Maybe I mean it as much as you do.

Maybe I mean it as much as you want me to.

But it was just the two of them there. They were alone, without an audience, and Rosho had very little interest in being funny about this.

"Yeah," he said in the end. "I did."

This time, when he snuck a glance at Sasara, he found the biggest grin on Sasara's face. Not the cheeky sort he flashed whenever he told a good joke, but a genuine smile which shone with such radiant joy that Rosho found himself wanting to kiss it, to see if it tasted as much like the sun as it looked like it would.

And so he did.

Because that smile said it all.

Even if it was nested in glib jokes and adolescent humor, Sasara had meant it too.

[thewolfmanny]

uhhh sappy post time

last halloween, i played house of ashes with my partner, their sister, and their sister's girlfriend. we all picked our characters and passed the controller around in couch multiplayer mode. obviously, i picked salim cuz he was the only one who wasn't us military lmao and i decided i needed to protect him at all costs. my partner played jason (cute) which thank god cuz they picked the best choices to make him feel really bad about himself hehe

i really enjoyed the story and discovered there was a fan community when i deep dived into the tumblr tag for aesthetic gif sets. i was so confused by how jason/salim could work that i started writing my fic home with you to see if i can come up with a story for them to believably get together. i don't think i did a bad job! it was the first fic i wrote/finished

now for the serious part and the point of this post - last year, i was going thru a major depressive episode bordering on suicidal due to some unfortunate-bordering-on-devastating things happening in my life. i was isolating myself and barely getting out of bed or eating. what was rough was that halloween is my favorite holiday so it was hard to get into the headspace to enjoy it until we got around to playing the game together

i found an online community during a time when i felt very disconnected with the community i used to have IRL and has since disintegrated due to the pandemic. i've lost a lot of friends over these past 2-3 years and it's still hard some days as i am trying to recover from a lifelong struggle with trauma

however, i've met some great people thru hoa and it's given me the inspiration/outlet to draw and write again when i hadn't done so for years. i look back at my first drawings for hoa a year ago and how much i've improved since then, even in writing. now i'm getting the itch to create original stories and take my art/writing seriously. being in fandom this past year has helped a lot in my recovery including safely exploring my gender and sexuality, trauma, educating myself on the world around me, and renewing old passions like learning about history. i love meeting new people from around the world and connecting together to enjoy something we love, to have fun, and relate to each other when so much terribleness is happening all over the place. kinda feels like the point of house of ashes and maybe that's why i love it so much

i'm going to start setting up my patreon and ways for folks to throw me some money if they're feeling generous. recently i had to quit a very toxic job due to racism/ableism and i'm not sure when i'll be in a good place to work full-time again. i wish i could draw and write every day for y'all and live comfortably but it's hard working solely as an artist nowadays. still, i have projects planned for the future - some horror related, kink related, original characters - and i hope y'all stick around. i'm not done with HOA yet

love,

manny

[living-d3ad-gh0ul]

Tuesday 17th October 2023, 02:45am

I really should be asleep right now. But I can't seem to get comfortable and when I do, my brain just won't shut up. So here I am, writing to you. I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I don't know why. I think I've been missing you a bit. Is it strange to miss you? I don't know. I'm sorry if it is.

I really hope your blood tests came back okay and everything is all well with your health. Do you know when you'll have surgery yet? I was thinking about that the other day and hoping I hadn't missed it, so I could wish you good luck for it. I'm really glad to hear that you've found a job you can do that will turn into a career too and that you can get the training for it. Has that happened yet? Or are you still waiting?

I knew you were thinking of leaving the band, and that's okay. If it's ran it's course for you, then I'm sure your bandmates will be understanding, especially if they're your friends. I really hope the last two shows went well and that you enjoyed playing them at least and I hope the last show you do next month is good too. Will it be near your birthday? Because I know that's coming up really soon too. It's the week after I get back from another comic con, I go away on 17th November and come home on the 19th, so I'm just gone for the weekend. This time it's in Wales, I've only been there once when I was a kid.

Aw no poor Chonky :( I really really hope she's okay now. It sucks when our pets get sick, because they don't have a voice to tell you exactly what's wrong, so it can be pretty worrying. It's a good job that owners can usually tell though when something's wrong and what it could be, because they know their pet well. But it sounds like you did the right thing for her and I hope she's feeling much better now. I'm sure she loved having you look after her and care for her and make sure she was all okay.

Don't worry about streaming and stuff, you can come back to it whenever you feel like it, whenever you have the time. I look forward to the next time you do, I've missed chilling in your chat and just.. hanging out. I liked it before. I actually was playing some of the Cyberpunk DLC myself the other week, it was quite fun haha. But I definitely think I need to start upgrading my PC soon. Definitely a new fan and CPU and maybe a secondary SSD. I would upgrade my GPU but those are so expensive and my 1080 still serves me well at the moment.

I'm sorry it's been a little bit since I last wrote, I've just been busy with work mostly. I haven't had much going on or much exciting happening. Apart from going over to Belfast to surprise my best friend, that was quite cool. We went to another convention, I just booked a flight and a hotel and turned up. She had no clue I was coming and was really surprised when I got there haha. I literally just went over for like.. 24 hours. I'd felt bad cause I had to cancel a trip to go see her at the end of this month just due to work and not being able to get the holidays and stuff. So I was pretty upset and just wanted to do something kinda.. fun and spontaneous? Idk

Ian Somerhalder walked by me too and didn't even notice it, it wasn't until my best friend pointed him out and I was like "oh shit" hahaha. But I was more excited about Peter Facinelli and Jackson Rathbone from Twilight, I used to love that when I was like.. 14. I would have met Ian and Paul too, but it was far too expensive for me. Maybe some day I will. I recently started watching The Vampire Diaries again, since it's spooky season and all and I haven't watched it for years. So I've went right back to the start, I'm at the end of season 1 right now where Isobel is in it (I hate Isobel. And I fucking hate John Gilbert too)

It was also my dad's birthday on 8th October. That was a pretty hard day. I was quite sad and upset all day, but I watched a lot of my dad's favourite programs and stuff and tried to distract myself. Red Dwarf, Monty Python, The Mighty Boosh (which me and my dad actually started watching together) and some Billy Connolly. I also listened to some of his favourite music too. And I got a clootie dumpling from a local bakery (it's like a Christmas pudding kind of but not as rich), coincidentally it was the same bakery me and my dad and grandma and grandpa would go to, it was just down the street from my grandma's house. My grandma used to make him one for his birthday every year when he was a kid, instead of a birthday cake because it was cheaper. And he loved it. It was one of his favourite things. He'd always ask me to bring him some down when I'd go down and visit him in Nottingham, because you can't really get it anywhere in England and to make a proper one yourself, it's a bit of a pain and really easy to mess up if you don't do certain things right lol. When he was in the nursing home, I remember one day the chef had came to talk to him and asked him about food he liked and stuff. He was telling me that they'd asked him what kind of birthday cake he wanted and my dad immediately asked if he could have a dumpling. The chef agreed and said they absolutely could do that and I remember my dad being so so happy. His face was just.. completely lit up, big wide smiles, all excited. I think that's what made me extra sad, because he had been so excited for his birthday and his dumpling. He really liked the simple things in life, honestly.

So even though he wasn't here, he got his dumpling. I went out early on the Saturday morning and picked it up, had a chat with the guy who owns the bakery (who actually weirdly recognised me and asked me who my family were, so I told him and he immediately remembered me from when I was a kid, telling me about how he remembered I'd come in with my grandma to get the rolls and the papers, how I'd come in with my dad for a yum yum or a strawberry tart lol. I unfortunately had to break the news of my dad's passing to him, he didn't know. And he was quite sympathetic. He was a nice guy, just as friendly as I remembered when I was a kid. I'll attach a picture of the dumpling to this so you can see. I stuck a candle in it and everything for him. Sang him happy birthday and cried while doing so. But I knew he'd be nearby. I knew he'd be standing right behind me hugging me while I did. God just writing this is making me tear up a little bit.

I've started some grief counselling too. I think they are really helping me. I'm getting it through the hospice who helped with dad's end of life care, even though the were only involved for.. well a few days.. they've given me more support that some family have (my mother included. I'm still at odds with her. She's done more horrible and nasty shit since we last spoke and.. honestly I'm just seeing her for her true colours now, realising that I've been gaslit, emotionally neglected and manipulated by her for a very long time). My boss has been more than happy to allow me to attend these sessions, because they know in the long run it's going to help me and isn't going to affect my performance at work or anything. I'm actually doing really well at work at the moment, even considering that it is incredibly stressful and emotionally/mentally taxing at times, but I've had nothing but good reports in my weekly catch ups with my manager so far. So I think it's safe to say they can see that I am more than capable of doing the job. I just wanna try get through my probation and then move to a different department. Something that doesn't involve talking to customers lol.

Gran also got out of hospital, which is a good thing. She's back home and still resting and stuff, trying to get her strength back. She was in there for like.. just over a month. Unfortunately we don't think shes gonna be able to get any more chemo though, which sucks. But we're hoping her oncologist will still be able to do surgery for her, we just have to keep trying to get her strength up and make sure she's eating well and we're getting her walking and stuff. Even if it's just to the kitchen and back or around the garden. Small steps. It hopefully will make a big difference. I've been making sure to go see her at least once a week, even just for a couple hours at the very least.

I don't have much else going on right now. It's just work and looking forward to next month when I go to Wales. I don't think I have anything incredibly exciting planned for Halloween, which sucks, but I'll be working this year unfortunately. Maybe I can just relax and watch some spooky movies after work, eat some terrible sweets and enjoy myself a little. Oh and I'm on some new medication too actually, I'm not sure if it's working yet, I don't feel anything different. This is for a physical thing, not a mental thing. But it's nothing too serious, just something I need to like.. manage symptoms of.

I really hope you're doing well, E. I hope everything's going good and that your health is good and Chonky is good and work is starting and surgery is getting scheduled and all the good things. I know it must be getting warmer there too, because it's definitely getting fucking colder here haha. I've been absolutely frozen in the mornings for a couple days now, until I turn the heat on again and warm up. I think it's gonna be a reaaaaally cold winter this year which is unfortunate.

I really hope to hear from you soon. And I hope I've got more exciting things to tell you next time.

N x

"I saw you in a dream then it came to an end, I wonder if you'll come visit me again"

(the selfie was me at the con in Northern Ireland. It was SO fucking hot, I was boiling all day. But I still looked cute I think.. maybe haha)

[elaichoi]

the v v v first time i saw ur acct was when u had the yeonjun prive alliance layout ^3^ those reincarnation aus made me saur emo T^T

i luv that for u agghh<3 not that there's anything wrong w it,but i find it most satisfying when ppl get into kpop from kpop-genre songs rather than western-sounding kpop songs lol my first kpop artists were b2st (highlight) and t-ara hehe

mhm yea mayybbe! i know 100% why i don't post them and its cos i used to be consistent w posting on both kpop & personal socmed accts but mental health happens and i kinda stopped bc numbers make me want 2 cry lmfao

except im slightly less mentally ill since that time now and yk i actually genuinely do rlly want to start all my socmed accts up again but im putting it off bc im a bit of a perfectionist and so im lazy to be doing all dat... all of nothin :D don't call the orderly i'm fine ^_^ /lh

2019-21? ah probably not then i'm pretty sure i was in and out of the school roster (pls tell me if i am oversharing/trauma dumping/crossing any boundaries bc i genuinely do not know i no longer have any social skills T_T /gen /srs)

hm i'm not sure tbh i only followed the one 😭😭 i haven't been on wattpad in a long ass time and i remember i tried seeing what wattpad was like nowadays and was v disappointed w the ads and paid stuff (i think i don't remember). booooo 👎👎

omg wait that's so cool aaaaah!!! i changed my user a lot so i honestly could not tell u bc i have goldfish memory ;__; i do remember i had a user like taempons(_) i think it had an underscore idk don't remember but i changed it (kinda wish i saved it ngl) and oh one i do remember was peachyjihoons (my wannaone phase lmao) but yeah im pretty sure my most recent user was some based on some tumblr shit like svnshine or something idfk 💀💀

u are already a talented writer save some for the rest of us 👺 /j if u could also draw u would be too powerful 👁️👄👁️

omg THAT WAS MY FIRST LAYOUT TOO!! this account isn't that old tbh i still haven't gotten the feel of writing smuts as of yet that's why i havent been much active on it BUT WAIT REINCARNATION AU?!? from my main???

DUDE I LOVE B2ST!!!! and t-ara!!!!!!!! i really got into kpop slowly because i fell for kdrama at first (found replay in one of the kdrama edit lmao) so like my music journey has been very, very kpop ish. i think the global influence in most of kpop songs started to become mroe prominent during 2018?

bro i get you like the fear of starting the stuff you love because you feel like you won't be able to give it all and starting it and feeling it like you're gonna disappoint yourself. i hadn't started anything since like 2017 until recently because i was scared i was gonna stumble, or it won't be good ( well mostly that) or i won't be able to finish that. me and my bff still has this one project we started around like 2018 lmao we both still haven't finished it or picked it up bc we developed the idea sm and got so close to it that we fear writing it now.

not OVERSHARINH I WANNA KNOW!!! NO but like FR wattpad went through the biggest glow down IVE EVer seen like. it's legit LEGIT inhabitable. like at first you take away the newsfeed?!? like how am i gonna pine over other accounts now?!? and then everything became paid and shit like wtf is that?!

omg i wonder if I ever saw you on my explore page or tags bro fr this is so interesting my ig handle has always been one tbh it's @celestialsoo ( my intense love affair with kyungsoo era) like since the dawn of the day.

YOU LIE!!!!! i wish i could fr draw tho i want to draw my muses :///

[the-anxiety-academy]

My ranking of the Ice Age Movies

I recently rewatched the Ice Age movies for nostalgia purposes and I thought I'll give my thoughts on them.

Before you read! This is just my opinion! All of these films have a place in my heart and I love them all!

5. The Meltdown

Okay, I know that people will not like this but to me this movie just isn't special. Don't get me wrong! All of the Ice Age movies hold a place in heart but this one just has no special place in it. The only thing in this movie that stuck out to me was Ellie, Ed and Crash's first appearance, but aside from that, nothing much else. In fact, before I rewatched the film I couldn't even remember what it was about (besides Ellie and the brothers first appearance, of course).

Yeah, it's good, it's got a place in my heart, just not a special one.

4. Continental Drift

Now, this one was difficult!

The reason this one ranks above 2 is because, for me, it's more enjoyable and easy to watch and the introduction of Granny and Shiera makes it worth while. The reason it was so difficult to rank is because of nostalgia. I remember every fortnight going over to my nans house and watching this film on repeat and replaying my favourite parts. So that kinda made it more difficult to place it. But after thinking about it, it takes the 4th place for me.

Besides from the nostalgia and the new characters and its enjoyability, there was nothing else that catches my eye with this film.

3. Collision Course

Okay, hear me out.

I know this one isn't most people's favourite but I think it's good. The main reason it's as high as it is, is because of Buck and Granny, they are my favourite characters so their constant presence in the movie made it soo much better. Scrat having more appearances in this film also does it favours. (And the relationship between Buck and that Pumpkin made me realise something about myself that I never realised before).

The family also feels more put together. I don't know why but it feels like an actual family now, not just a bunch of people (mammals) forced to hang out, like in the earlier movies.

Yeah, so it's not my favourite but it's up there.

2. Ice Age

And the runer up; the og itself!

Again, not everyone's favourite but something about that found family gets me. Especially considering, most of the movie had only 3 constant reoccurring characters (not including the sabers, the humans and those two rhinos). It just felt more homely and familia and nostalgic.

And in top spot....

1. Dawn of the Dinosaurs

The nostalgia!

Oh, the nostalgia!

I was so excited to rewatch this one, for multiple reasons. One of them being the introduction of Buck but the other being its nostalgia and its familiar feel.

Not to be dramatic but at some points I was on the verge of tears at the familiarity of the film. Particularly the part where Sid drew the faces on the eggs, that part I remember so well and it still makes me happy when I watch it. Very few times have I rewatched a childhood movie and felt the same way as when I was a child, usually I'm just disappointed and wishing I hadn't rewatched the film so I could have the same image as when I was a kid. But not this one! This one is just as great as I remember.

So, do you agree with me or do you think my list is bad? Juat remember, it's just an opinion nothing serious.

[rikiblues]

confessions, part one

featuring. ishida shoya x nishimiya shoko (a silent voice) contents. canon compliant, fluff, vague comedy, ishida is struggling with asking how to ask nishimiya out on a date.

playlist. angel or devil, txt word count: 1521

note. I asked around a little. Tokyo does have a 12-foot Statue of Liberty? Karaoke dates are a way to get someone alone; never accept those first dates, apparently?

Ishida Shoya is many things, but he isn't an idiot. Sort of. Kinda.

Okay, so maybe it's debatable, but Shoya isn't stupid, at least not in the literal sense of the word. He's just...a little disconnected from this whole 'socializing' thing at this point, given that he had basically been a recluse all through junior high and high school, only recently going out on a fairly frequent basis with Nishimiya and her sister and Nagatsuka. It's a bit like he forgot how to socialize at all. Even now, socializing is somewhat awkward.

So, you can imagine how he'd work himself into almost a panic attack at the thought of asking Nishimiya out on a date. Yes, a date.

Shoya is very much definitely panicking. Well, internally as of right now, but he's a good friend of overstressing. He can already tell that if he doesn't do something soon, he's going to explode and Yuzuru will have way too much fun laughing at him.

Actually, that is what she's doing right now.

"No way, Ishida!" Yuzuru wheezes. For a little kid, she has an insane capability to make Shoya feel incredibly stupid. "You're freaking out because of this?"

Shoya wishes he has the same...normal attitude he used to have years ago for punching his friends in the arm when they betray him. Unfortunately, Nagatsuka is really kind of hard to be mad at. Especially when, despite his mischievous nature, he really meant the best. Okay, so maybe he found it sort of funny that Shoya is a complete blushing mess, but really! Shoya is sure that Nagatsuka only wants him to be happy after he nearly lost his life and everything important to him, et cetera, et cetera.

Well, that's what he tries to tell himself, anyway.

Right about now, it doesn't really feel like that, with the way Nagatsuka is giggling right alongside Yuzuru, having blurted out, "Ya-sho wants to ask Nishimiya-san out!" when Yuzuru asked why Shoya looked so out of it, distracted and speaking even less than he usually does. Now, look. Shoya knows he isn't exactly subtle. He knows this is expected.

He just really would like to not be laughed at by two of his friends over his messy love life, if it can even be called that.

"Listen, Ishida," Yuzuru begins, once she gets ahold of her fit of giggles. "My sister will literally jump at any chance to go on a date with you. That you can be sure of."

"How do you know that?" Shoya hopes he's not pouting. The blush is bad enough. The look the two of them give him makes him feel exceptionally stupid. "What?"

"Either you're really stupid or just the most emotionally dense idiot I've ever met," she deadpans. "Have you not picked up on it? Shoko smiles all the time—honestly, it's rare that she isn't smiling. But you do know that she practically wears her heart on her sleeve sometimes, right?"

"...she does?"

Nagatsuka giggles. "Ya-sho, she tried to visit you quite a lot when you were in the...the hospital," he says. Shoya internally winces; the slight blip is still a subject nobody knows how to approach properly. Shoya would be offended, but even he doesn't know how to. "Even friends don't...you know. Visit all the time."

"Ueno was there every day."

"Ueno is weird," Yuzuru chips in bluntly. "We all knew that."

"Yeah, but—" he stops, frustrated. "You all know she feels guilty still!"

"That's true," Yuzuru nods, sipping her cola contemplatively. The three of them are at a burger place, celebrating Shoya and Nagatsuka's high school graduation; Nishimiya's school doesn't hold the ceremony until tomorrow. Initially, Shoya hadn't wanted to go until hers, but she's busy with some last-minute arrangements regarding a special project her class is apparently doing, hence that Shoya had no willpower to stop Yuzuru's and Nagatsuka's combined forces.

At least it's not a real celebration. Shoya has been holed up far too long in his room all wrapped in his studies—according to them, anyway. Listen, he cares about the entrance exams for college, okay? But they hadn't listened, saying that he needed to get out more now that he was really, completely healed up.

"But, Ishida," Yuzuru looks far too serious for his taste right now. "You do know that she tried to confess to you once, right?"

"She what?" Shoya sputters, sure that he looks nothing short of a tomato. Nishimiya has tried to what? Her? Confess to him? Huh? "When was this?!"

"Uh...I can't really remember," she admits. "Before our grandma died, I'm pretty sure. But yeah, that's the time you thought she thought she was saying something about—"

"The moon," Shoya realizes, promptly burying his face in his hands. "Oh, I'm such an idiot. Why am I like this?"

Yuzuru snickers again. "Now you know."

"But, Ya-sho," Nagatsuka pipes up, "that's more reason you should ask her out! C'mon. Square up. Nishimiya-san will be more than happy to accept!"

"But what do people even do on first dates?" he asks pathetically. "What do I say? Wait, where do I even take her?"

"She won't want something overly fancy," Nagatsuka muses. Yuzuru nods in agreement and though that should relieve Shoya, it actually makes him feel even more anxious. He absolutely sucks at little things that have big meanings. For his entire life, he can't even remember a single moment when he ever said a simple 'I love you' to his mom without being prompted. He also has to think about it for literally weeks before he can get her a proper Mother's Day gift. "You've got to really strike her heart."

"How do I do that?" he asks again. "Take her to Tokyo Sky Tree, or something?"

"Probably not," Yuzuru decides against it. "It's romantic and all, but...expensive. You guys just graduated high school and are on your way to university."

"Yeah, I guess not," Shoya can agree that it feels a little generic. "Let's not go with any festivals, either." For obvious reasons. Not that they think Nishimiya is fragile or weak or anything. If anything, she's incredibly strong. Just that they would rather avoid giving her reason to remember bad memories.

"Uh...the Statue of Liberty?" Nagatsuka tries.

"Wouldn't that land us where the Sky Tree does?" Yuzuru asks. "I mean, it isn't a bad idea by any means. But still..."

"I feel like we're just narrowing our options down, in a bad way," Shoya mumbles since he had actually thought about taking her there, given the view and all. He has no idea why Tokyo even has one, but it isn't the worst idea. Although, as Nishimiya's sister, he supposes Yuzuru knows better than he does in regards to her tastes.

Predictably, he gets ignored. Instead, Yuzuru says, "well, I do know one thing: don't, in a million years, even try asking her on a karaoke date."

It should be impossible, but Shoya's face heats up even more. He throws a dry, balled-up napkin in her direction. "What the hell, Yuzuru?! How do you know about that?!"

She looks entirely too pleased with herself, smirking at him. Seriously, Shoya wouldn't in a million years even dream of doing that. Karaoke dates are just...no. Absolutely not. It was different when Nishimiya and Sahara went. This is a date they're talking about.

Shoya isn't as low as he used to be. He doesn't want to hurt Nishimiya again.

"You could do, like, a horror-date thing," Nagatsuka offers, as if trying to make Shoya feel better about that comment. Except, it backfires.

"Are you kidding?" Yuzuru snorts. "It'll be Ishida doing the screaming."

Shoya hates that he doesn't have a good comeback for that. When does he ever, really, when it comes to Yuzuru?

"Look, can't I just do something simple?" Shoya asks. "I mean, it's a first date. Isn't it, you know, better to start off simple? I don't want to overdo anything. Nishimiya already knows me well enough...and anyway, if she accepts, doesn't it mean that I have more chances to do something more?"

Nagatsuka points a fry at him. "I like your logic, Ya-sho," he declares, tossing the fry into his mouth. "It's sound. Makes sense to me."

"Hm, I think so, too," Yuzuru shrugs. "I suppose you already pulled out the trump card and saved her life. That counts for something."

Shoya shifts uncomfortably; he doesn't like talking about that. "I guess," he says. "When should I ask her, do you think?"

"How about when you see her tomorrow?" Nagatsuka suggests.

"Tomorrow?"

"Why not?" Yuzuru challenges. "It's her graduation. You're attending. It'll make her so much happier than she already will be. And it'll help make her feel better about having to leave the school behind and all."

"You have a point," Shoya pokes at his unfinished portion of fries. "It's just...what if I mess this up, too?"

"You won't," Nagatsuka says confidently. "We believe in you, Ya-sho. Really!"

He nudges Yuzuru, who shrugs. "Well, I don't think you're a horrible choice."

Shoya supposes that's the biggest vote of confidence he'll get.

yes, the rest of his misadventures in the romance department is coming up—i'm trying to finish and polish it! (edit: i have given up. i might try to pick it back up idk

[sugarmaplewings-fics]

I'm Yours

Pairing: Kirishima x reader

Warnings: There's kissing. A lot of kissing. Just some teenagers being dumb really. No canon characters were harmed in the making of this fic. I didn't include a cheating aspect since I don't write for that kind of stuff, but there's still some jealous!Kirishima here >:3

Author's Note:

Uhhhh I kinda forgot to make this fluffy . . . .

Thanks to uwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwi from Wattpad for requesting! (that's a really fun username hehe)

Enjoy!

-Sugar

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Swamped.

That was the only way he could describe it. Kirishima didn’t think he’d ever been so busy, and he wasn’t the only one.

Finals had the entirety of the hero course stressed, especially the second-years like himself. Between training, doing homework, and going to class, there wasn’t exactly room for being social. Any time he was able to hang out with his friends, they were studying together. Nothing he'd really describe as 'fun'. And that’s what had him feeling the worst about all this.

He’d started dating you a few weeks ago—going on three months now, actually. Things had been going well between the two of you. You liked him and he really liked you, so to him, there hadn't been any type of problem.

Even so, there was something a little unique about your relationship: no one knew about it. You yourself were never one for letting others get too involved in your business. And besides, you also knew the nature of most high school relationships. Maybe you’d announce yourselves as a couple and make a big fuss only to grow tired of the other and end it all within the first month. But clearly, that hadn’t happened.

There was a strange thrill to keeping your relationship a secret; a novelty your boyfriend hadn't expected. Though he wasn’t much for dishonesty, Kirishima practically lived for the stolen glances across the classroom you’d share, and the way he’d sneak you behind the school for impromptu makeout sessions with no one ever the wiser. You were his little secret, and he was yours.

Until it had all come to a grinding halt with the extra schoolwork.

He still tried to make time to spend with you in one of your dorm rooms, but the both of you finally had to admit to yourselves that neither of you could get any work or studying done when you were alone together. And so it was back to study groups; holding hands under the table as either Bakugou or Yaoyorozu went over the newest batch of hero laws that needed to be memorized.

God, how he wished this could all be over. Kirishima just wanted things to be normal again. When was the last time he’d even seen you? He could remember watching the back of your head duck out of the classroom at the end of the day, but after? . . . Nothing.

He frowned at the physics worksheet laid before him, mind wandering to thoughts of you as one of his sharp teeth sunk into the eraser at the end of his pencil. Kirishima supposed he should go check on you later, once he’d finished up his assignments for the evening.

…

“Did you see (L/N) yesterday?”

Kirishima’s ears unconsciously perked up at the sound of your name. He stood with his tray in the lunch line directly behind some of his female classmates. They were chatting amongst themselves as they slowly stepped forward. Kirishima wasn’t generally one to listen in on conversations he wasn’t a part of, but now they’d captured his interest. Had one of them seen him sneaking into your room?

“No, I didn’t,” Uraraka said in response to Ashido. “Is she alright?”

“Of course she is,” the pink-haired girl said, rolling her abnormal black and amber eyes as she reached for a clementine. “Actually, she may be doing more than alright.”

Kirishima swallowed. Uh-oh.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jirou asked, sounding largely uninterested in gossiping about her fellow classmate.

“Well,” Ashido began, bouncing a little on her toes, “I saw her on the tech floor yesterday and you won’t believe who she was talking to.”

“Who?” Jirou asked dryly, probably hoping to get the discussion over with as quickly as possible.

“Kobayashi Tatsuo. The third year,” Mina announced proudly.

The redhead behind them quietly sighed. Thank goodness. They still didn't know.

“And?” Uraraka questioned.

“They were totally flirting!” Ashido said. “(L/N)’s bagged a cute upperclassman boy! They’ll be dating soon, I just know it! If they aren’t already.” She smugly leveled her shoulders, grinning with an odd look of satisfaction.

What?

“I guess that’s good for her,” Jirou commented, picking up her tray from the lunch bar in order to follow her friends to a table.

“I know, right?” Mina said excitedly as they walked off. “And he’s totally cute too! I wish a hot guy would pay attention to me for once.”

Kirishima watched them leave, almost forgetting to grab lunch for himself after being so absorbed in what they were saying.

The majority of him knew he shouldn’t pay any mind to it. This sort of thing was bound to happen. Of course his peers try to figure out who was involved with who, even if it wasn’t really accurate or from the most credible source. The girls didn’t know that you were already taken by someone else, in fact, the very person behind them in line.

At least now he knew where you’d gone after class yesterday . . . but why? What were you doing on the tech floor? And who was this third year you were talking to?

He was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of Kaminari’s voice. Kirishima returned the greeting, sliding into his seat next to his friend. As he settled into the atmosphere of his usual table, he couldn’t help but scan the cafeteria for your face, just as he had done every day, even before you were dating.

But for the first time, his search came up empty. You were nowhere to be seen.

…

Kobayashi wasn’t exactly the person you wanted to be spending your lunch with.

Really, a part of you wondered why you had to skip going to the cafeteria at all today. But then you remembered the stack of work that sat on your desk. It stubbornly refused to ever shrink, no matter what you did. Recently, it felt like as soon as you got one thing done, two more assignments would find their way right back at the bottom. And this was just another one you had to deal with.

While reviewing your materials for your upcoming finals, you’d begun to take note of other heroes’ costumes and support items. Particularly, you’d taken interest in a hero from Ukraine who’d debuted a few decades ago. Your quirk was wildly similar to his and you couldn’t help but further research his techniques, costume, and gadgets that enhanced his abilities.

You weren’t one to copy. Actually, you quite liked the way your current costume functioned and looked, with its own unique style of your own. Even so, you’d read things about him and his quirk that you honestly hadn’t even thought of for yourself, and you’d begun to make a special section in your notebook for improvements to your hero ensemble. Was it the best use of your time? Perhaps not, but you did have a practical exam coming up, and a part of you couldn’t help but wonder if these improvements you were sketching might make all the difference in your performance . . . .

You decided you could use an upgrade. Which is exactly why you went to the second-year in the support course who was in charge of making adjustments to your costume. Until your hopes were immediately dashed when you found out he was sick. Determined, you went to the next best option: Kobayashi.

He was a nice enough boy. Tall, witty, and a whole year older. You hadn’t expected to be spending so much time with him over the past week, but for whatever reason, he kept calling you back to his workspace in the shop for ‘daily check-ins’. At least he was making good progress.

But now you were spending your lunch hour eating with him. It felt strange, being alone in a different classroom with the guy—not an uncomfortable strange, merely “I’m not used to being here”. You’d let him borrow your notebook full of sketches for your costume, and that’s what he was going over with you now.

He’d ask you for clarification on one of your notes before jotting something down of his own right next to your handwriting. He had also been eager to show you his process, explaining the steps of what he was doing while you ate from your bento.

To be honest, it was kind of nice being in a different setting. Kobayashi was fun to listen to; it was clear he was passionate about what he was doing.

But still, he ran out of things to talk about. That was, when it came to your hero suit. Figuring it was too late to go back to the cafeteria anyway, he ate his own lunch with you, striking up a new conversation.

At first, you didn’t pay any mind to it. But then you began to take notice of how close he sat. Then you realized how eager he was to make you laugh, how smoothly the casual chatter flowed between you. And then it struck you just how much he peppered in compliments to you. Finally, it clicked.

Uh-oh.

You refused to meet his gaze when he waved you off after the bell rang. Dashing away, you wondered how serious he might be. Did he actually like you? No, perhaps you were overthinking the situation.

Then again, he had been being awfully nice to you ever since you’d met. But what if that was just how he was? Kaminari could be like that at times, and you knew he didn’t usually mean anything too serious behind it. Or—well—perhaps Denki the Flirt was a bad example for your case. Still . . . how were you supposed to make it clear to Kobayashi that you weren’t interested?

You shook your head to clear it of these thoughts. He hadn’t actually done anything, so what was the point of worrying about it? You were loyal to Eijirou, you knew that. You’d made a commitment to him just as he had to you, and that was all there was to it. No matter what, you’d continue whatever it was you had with him. Kobayashi wasn’t an issue you should be losing sleep over. Besides, you were probably reading too far into things anyway.

Content with the conclusions you’d made, you walked back into your homeroom class for fifth period. Settling into your seat, you faced the chalkboard in front of you, awaiting the return of Aizawa-sensei, unaware of the pair of ruby eyes fixed on your back.

…

Kirishima shot up from his desk the moment he heard a soft knock on his door. As soon as he opened up his room, you came barreling into his arms. “Hey!” he greeted you, reciprocating the hug.

“Study break!” you announced quietly, not wanting to alert his neighbors of your presence.

He tittered happily to himself, leading your bodies back to his desk where he could sit you on his lap in his chair. Settling comfortably on his thighs, you were quick to slot your lips against his. Kirishima melted into your touch.

How many days had it been since he’d last gotten a chance to kiss you? Two? Three? Either way, it had been far too long.

“Shall we take this to the bed?” he joked after a few minutes of kissing.

You chuckled at his harmless allusion. “You know I’m going to fall asleep as soon as I lay down.”

He brushed a stray strand of hair out of your face, concern morphing his features. “Have you been getting enough rest with all this going on?”

“No,” you admitted. “I was up last night with my English flashcards. I swear Present Mic is trying to kill me with this new vocab, it’s like I can’t get it in my head at all.”

“I could help you study it,” your boyfriend offered, his hands resting lightly on your waist.

“That would be productive,” you said sarcastically with a roll of your eyes. “What was it last time? ‘If I get a set right, I’ll get a kiss’ and then next thing I know, we’re making out on your bed for twenty minutes.”

He grinned up at you coyly. “At least I made studying fun.”

“That wasn’t studying!” you protested with a grin. “Speaking of, my timer’s going to go off soon—” you pressed your lips against his for a moment, “—and I want more kisses.”

Kirishima let you have your way with him, threading your fingers through his hair while you savored the taste of his lips. But there was something still nagging at the back of his mind.

“(Y/N)?” he asked when your phone buzzed and you pulled away. “Where were you during lunch today?”

You shrugged, pulling your phone out of your pocket to silence it. “I’m getting improvements on my hero costume. My regular guy got sick so I’m working with this third-year dude.”

“Ohhh.” Kirishima’s worries dissipated almost instantly. “So that’s why you were on the tech floor.”

Confused, you frowned. “Did you see me there or something?”

“Oh, sorry! I just overheard Ashido saying that she saw you down there.” He laughed. “She thought you were flirting with him or something and that you were going to end up dating.”

“Ah, well,” you mumbled, “I wasn’t sure if I should say anything or not but he, um, actually might have been flirting with me.”

Kirishima’s smile dropped, his arms subconsciously squeezing you tighter to him. “What?”

“I only noticed it today—it totally could be nothing—but I think he’s caught feelings? I mean, why else would he ask me to have lunch with him like this? Not to mention how he was smiling at me, and looking at me, and touching my hand—” You bit your tongue, stopping yourself from saying anything else. Maybe this was more serious than you realized.

Your boyfriend was silent, staring at the floor below you with a troubled expression. His ruby eyes traced over the rectangular patterns on his floor, seemingly lost in thought.

“You know that nothing’s going to happen,” you attempted to reassure him, lifting his chin with one of your fingers so he could look into your eyes. “Those feelings aren’t reciprocated and I’m not going anywhere. I’ve already picked you, Eijirou. There’s no one out there like you.” You pressed a kiss to his forehead, sealing your statements, not only to him but to yourself. “We’ll sort this out. If I have to tell Kobayashi I’m taken, then so be it. Maybe keeping our relationship a secret isn’t everything it’s cracked up to be.”

When you pulled back, you noticed that there was still a pout on Eijirou’s face.

“Aw, what is it?” you asked, tucking one of his fallen sticky spikes back under his bandana.

“I don’t know.” He shrugged, pulling you even closer to him.

“Talk to me, baby.” You ran a hand down his back.

“I don’t like the thought of him being around you,” he confessed into your shoulder. “I . . . don’t want him smiling at you like that, or touching you, or letting people think that you belong with him. You’re . . . mine.” He paused before laughing dryly, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. “I’m sorry. That sounded . . . totally selfish of me and probably not very manly at all—”

“No,” you said simply. “It’s actually kinda hot.”

He pulled back to look at you, perhaps to see if you were joking. Your expression was intrigued, maybe a little flustered. “Really?”

“Yeah.” You swallowed. “I . . . like when you call me yours. It’s cute. And besides, it’s okay that you feel that way. Feelings don’t have to make sense. I'm frustrated about this too.” Pecking his lips a final few times, you regretfully stood from his chair. “I wish there was something more I could do right now, but I should get going. I promised Tsu and Uraraka I’d meet up with them. We can talk about this later.”

“See you, (Y/N),” Kirishima said.

You smiled and waved, turning to the door and checking to see if anyone was in the hall before slipping back out. Kirishima watched you go, wondering what he should do.

Kirishima hadn’t even met the guy and he already hated him. Sure, Kobayashi wasn’t aware you were taken, and he had every right to show interest in you, but that was supposed to be Eijirou. It was Kirishima’s job to flirt with you and be there for you and sweep you off your feet. Your classmates should be shipping you with him, not this random guy from another year.

The redhead sighed. He shouldn’t let himself get so caught up in this. He knew you were capable of sorting this out on your own, and if you really needed him, Kirishima would help you. He couldn’t start getting whiny like some kind of child.

Besides, your friends could think whatever they wanted. It couldn’t affect your relationship. They were just high school kids. They didn’t even know what they were talking about.

Despite the fact he was trying to get back into focusing on his work, Kirishima’s mind couldn’t help but wander. Maybe once exams were over you could finally announce that the two of you were together. Then you wouldn’t have to sneak around so much anymore. He could hug you whenever he wanted, and you could sit on his lap during movie night. He’d be able to kiss you in front of his friends, no problem. Maybe, just to see the look on his face, he’d kiss you in front of—

No, no. Japanese Literature. That was what he was supposed to be thinking about right now. The sooner he finished his work, the sooner he’d be able to see you again.

…

Finally it was Saturday afternoon, and you knew you had an entire day to take things a little easier tomorrow. Maybe you’d even try to take the evening off and spend some time with your boyfriend. But of course, you had to meet with Kobayashi about your hero costume first. Hopefully it would be quick, and perhaps even the last time.

You walked down to the tech floor, heading straight for the workshop. You needed your suit for the practical exam next week, so you hoped he was ready for you.

Peeking into the room, you spotted him putting something into a very familiar case.

“Oh, are you finished?” you asked, walking in.

“Yeah,” he said brightly. “You’re all set, (L/N).”

“Thanks,” you said.

“Here,” he popped the little box open, showing off the finalized improvements he’d done and the changes he’d made that you’d spoken about together. He walked you through everything and you listened politely, asking the occasional question. Even with the newfound bitter taste in your mouth at being around him, you had to admit he'd done a spectacular job.

“That should be everything,” you said, ready to go. “Thanks for working with me.”

“No problem.”

Satisfied, you began to walk away.

“Wait, (L/N).”

Apprehensive, you stopped, turning back to him. “Yeah?”

“I was just wondering,” he began, bashful, “if you’d like to grab lunch with me sometime.”

You frowned, apologetic. “I can’t, Kobayashi senpai.”

“Why not?” He looked hurt.

You winced. “I’m already involved with someone else.”

“You’re just ‘involved’?” he asked dubiously, the expression on his face changing. “Please give me a chance. I can see that you feel something for me too. Whoever you’re with, I could be better.”

“I’m not interested,” you said firmly, any momentary sympathy you might have felt evaporating. “Goodbye, Kobayashi.”

He let you go, watching as you walked stiffly out of the classroom. As soon as you rounded the doorway, you felt something grab you. Gasping, you startled, but you were quick to register a familiar head of red hair. You saw Kirishima put a finger to his lips, pulling you further down the hall and towards the empty stairwell for some privacy.

He pushed you up against a blue-gray wall, grinning at you with hooded eyes.

“Eiji, what—?”

“I heard the whole thing,” he murmured, leaning in and capturing your lips for a quick kiss. “I thought that guy might make a move on you so I followed you down here. You held your own.” He kissed you again; this one longer, his tongue sneaking its way into your mouth. “You’re really mine, aren’t you?” he murmured against your lips, a stubborn trace of hesitancy still present and quavering in his voice.

“Of course I am, Eiji,” you whispered, touching your forehead to his. “I’m yours.”

He surged against you again, kissing you hungrily and pinning you even harder against the solid surface behind you.

You gasped against his force, eyebrows drawing together as you struggled to keep up. “Ei—” you tried. “Not here, let’s go someplace else.”

“Who cares?” he murmured, uninterested in stopping.

“Me. I don’t want to get caught by a teacher or a random fifteen-year-old. We could get in trouble.”

Kirishima sighed, finally drawing back for a moment to meet your eyes. “Okay, fine. But we’re going straight to my room, right?”

You snorted. “Where else do you think I want to be?”

He smirked, taking your hand again. “Good answer.”

Kirishima briskly walked you back to the dorms, his hand migrating ever lower down your back. It wasn’t long before he was sitting you on his lap in his bed, mouth once again connecting with yours right where it belonged.

You weren’t sure he’d ever kissed you like this before, in all the time you’d been together. His passion blazed before you, unrelenting as your teeth and tongues crashed together. He nipped at your lips until they flushed and swelled, and you knew they’d be noticeably bruised by morning but neither of you stopped. He kept going, trailing more kisses from the corner of your mouth, to your jaw, and all the way down your neck only to return right back to your parted lips whispering his name.

Kirishima’s room had never felt so hot and stuffy, even as he pulled off his uniform jacket and helped you out of yours. His cheeks burned red as his eyes, so caught up in what he was doing, the only thoughts his mind was still capable of having were simply You.

It went by in a haze. He wasn’t sure when exactly he’d lowered you onto his pillow, or how long he’d been hovering over you and caging you in with his arms as he cherished you.

But he knew one thing. His love for you wasn’t something he could hide anymore. No, he’d never let anyone think they stood a chance with you again while he was around.

One day soon, he would kiss you good morning at breakfast. One day, you’d hold hands in the halls on the way to class. One day, he’d pull you in close after school, slinging an arm around your hips just so he always knew you were there at his side.

But he was happy to be here with you now. He was happy to be your secret. He was happy, even as his kisses began to soften and slow, content with the way your body melded against his as he laid himself at your side and hugged you closer. All that mattered was that you were here with him now, and he was yours.

And you were his.

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Taglist: @aahilovetheatre @basicalyrandom @bumbyslair @f0leysgurl @hyunmin-1404 @kqtsukii @nabo39 @pyrofanatic​ @rainy-skys-and-bright-stars @sendhelpimstupid @ure-a-sunflower @xoxopam4​

[honesthammie]

Prompt 39: Death wants you to be terrified. But the scariest thing is wanting death.

13th Doctor x female curvy reader

Warnings: mentions of suicidal thoughts, alcohol and drug abuse, domestic abuse, fat phobia

I'm sorry for this. Its really depressing and I've been hesitant on letting you guys see it but I kinda like how it's written. I've made the abuser gender neutral as females can also be abusive. I promise the next one will be much happier!

"Come on (y/n), you can make it! Just jump across and reach for my hand. I promise you won't fall." The Doctors voice echoes across the widening canyon. If you looked down, you would only see pitch black. You didn't know how long you'd fall. Maybe this would be the perfect time to just go for it. Its not like you'd matter, you're only slowing the team down as is.

They wouldn't even be in this mess if you didn't slip and hit the world shattering drill, turning it on full blast. Unfortunately, you smashed the button making it unable to turn it off. Of course the only way you'd be able to turn it off is to actually go towards it. Everyone in the room screamed at you and some raised their tentacles to attack you if the Doctor didn't step in front of you. You know the Doctor noticed you flinching and your eyes gloss over and noticed you bracing for the impact.

You learned over the years to just accept your fate. You can't run from anyone when you weighed this much. You couldn't hide either, which often left you to just accept what was coming and hope nothing broke. Bruises were always easy to cover and so were any cuts but broken bones, that was always on display and you'd have to break your number one rule: never lie. You hated lying. The truth always comes out anyway so why hide it? If you hide it, you get punished worse anyway so why bother?

If you jumped and actually went with the team, you'd get questioned about earlier and about hesitating at jumping. But if you fell, would the Doctor miss you? As much as you hated to admit it, you were absolutely in love with the adorable alien. Why did you hate to admit it? Because she was a goddess and you were a waste of skin and bones. You weren't skinny and you didn't fit in with the team at all. You were only here out of pity.

You remember when you first met the team. You were the only person alive when they searched underneath the hotel. Even the spiders didn't want you. You were at the hotel because you heard about killer spiders and you wanted an out. You could never do it or something would come up stopping you from ending all your misery. You were the complete opposite of the Doctor. She was so brave and said whatever she wanted and didn't really care for the consequences.

You focused on the Doctors sparkling eyes. Despite the situation, she still sparkled with hope and encouragement. She wasn't upset with you. You really wished she was. This would be such an easier decision to make. Your head was pounding and your heart was going faster than her two hearts. Did you even want her upset? You couldn't tell, your head was spinning wildly, one thought going to another without a chance to process the last one.

You had come to a clear decision. You ran back and let momentum do its thing as your feet left the muddy gravel. You felt so free as you glided in the air for a few seconds. It was the most beautiful feeling. No punishment, no tears before going to sleep and no terror of going back home. Just you and gravity.

Then with a clearer mind you regretted your choice. You were horrified. You weren't ready. It wasn't time yet. Graham can't lose you. He'd only recently lost his wife. He'd feel the same as you and that thought terrified you. He'd survived cancer and gained himself a new family. He can't be like you. Ryan needed him, wether he was willing to admit that or not.

Suddenly you panicked and last minute reached your hand out hoping you'd grab something. Anything. You felt a soft warm object and latched on for dear life. You were then lifted up and onto soil. You focused on your breathing a moment and waited for your heart to calm down. You looked up and saw what, or rather who, saved you. You shouldn't have been so surprised to see the Doctors worried face above yours. She gave you a questioning look, knowing the question, you nodded your head and she straightened herself and helped you up.

"That was great (n/n)! So brave of you! Let's go gang, we've gotta turn this drill off before it splits the planet in half!" She shouted as she ran forward, seemingly knowing the way. She didn't let go of your hand until you reached the drill about 10 minutes later. You couldn't help the blushthat formed on your cheeks. The Doctor quickly opened a panel on the side of the drill.

The drill was massive, bigger than the Eiffel Tower and that what was on surface level, it went down much deeper that it had reached halfway to the liquid nitrogen that ran in this cold planet where our magma centre would be. The drill itself was purple and spherical. The panel box was the size of a human head which was about the size of the civilisations sucker pads. Inside were 3 buttons and 1 lever. You needed to type the pattern that would gain the access to the drill and force stop. If it goes wrong, it speeds up rendering this planet uninhabitable.

You watched as the Doctor quickly typed the pattern in. Red,blue,red,red,red,blue,black,black,blue. That was the pattern she quickly pressed in and held the lever down for 10 seconds. Soon the drill came to a halt and the planet was peaceful once again. You all let out a sigh of relief as it stopped.

You made your way back to the chief of the race and explained that they should dismantle and never use that drill again unless they plan to empty the panet of everything it has within. He quickly agreed and the fam made their way back to the TARDIS.

As soon as tye TARDIS was parked on the edge of your solar system, you got into your comfy clothes ready to nap or maybe play a few games to slow your adrenaline until you were tired enough for a full nights rest. You played a few rounds of uno and some poker where you used some bits of metal instead of chips. Eventually everyone had left except you and the Doctor.

You made your way to the doors of the ship and settled down just watching the stars in front of you. If the sentient machine hadn't already been aware of your darkest thought, you would have jumped out there and been amongst them. Just floating eventually turning to nothing but bones drifting, maybe to never be found. All the sights you've seen and yet this is where you were the most impressed. This was your home, your galaxy and because of all the light pollution, you had never been fully aware of how many neighbours you had because you had been literally blind. This was only stuff captured and faked and now, it's forever in your mind.

You heard movement and a shuffle next you. You knew who it was because she was the only other person awake and you knew she was going to ask and not let it drop until you tell her truth. And you were going to give her it but that doesn't mean you were ready to do so but you had to, someone had to know. Maybe you wanted help or maybe just someone to listen and know everything making you mentally naked in front of them.

The Doctor waited a few moments. She was figuring out how to word it without sounding horrible. "Is everything alright at home?" She asked her voice laced with genuine concern. "Sorry if this sounds a bit abrupt but let me explain. You've been really weird lately. You hardly speak and when you its with as few words as possible, you keep going elsewhere mentally and Rassilion forbid anyone getting angry with you! I also noticed how you hesitated today when jumping and I saw your worry and panic when you jumped. I think I know but I can't help you if you don't at least tell me what is going on! And don't change the subject or anything, just answer me please. I lo-. I can't lose you too." Her voice raised a little as she panicked just speaking about it. Halfway through she grabbed both of your hands and continued her speech.

You looked deep into her eyes for any sign of a lie but there wasn't one. Just like at the canyon, her eyes showed nothing but love. Maybe you should tell her, just her. No Yaz, no Graham and no Ryan. Just you, The Doctor and the TARDIS. You looked away for a moment as you collected your thoughts. However, as you opened your mouth and tried to speak, you found no voice. You couldn't tell her about them. Lord knows what she's capable of. But you've been looking for an out for so damn long. Maybe this is it. She's your out, no death involved.

You walked towards a panel in the console and pushed your hands inside and focused. You focused on the worst time it happened. You concentrated on the fear and everything attached. You couldn't tell her, but you could show her. The TARDIS disappeared into the vortex but didn't seem so sure on landing. She was picking it all up, she felt everything you did and she did not like going. "Please baby girl, I need her to know. I need help but I can't tell her. She's my only out that doesn't involve death and that terrifies me! Please. I understand your hesitation but she needs to see." You spoke mentally to the sentient blue box. She made a sad sound as she gently landed in the moment.

The Doctor looked at you bewildered. Her eyes were wide and her mouth agape. You walked up to her and grabbed her hand reassuringly. You led her to the doors that separated her from your darkest secret. You took a deep breath and slowly opened the door.

You appeared to be in the basement of your house. You walked up the stairs and took her to a storage room where she could see it happen. You sat in silence for a few minutes only the sounds of breathing and your heartbeat could be heard.

You knew this day off by heart, it plagued your nightmares often. It all started to sweet and went sour so quickly. At this time you were currently on your way back from doing your weekly shop to Tescos making sure you didn't forget their vodka and gin on your way to pay. Thankfully, the shop was only 10 minuets away and you doubted that the TARDIS would make you wait longer than nessacary. Just as the Doctor opened her mouth to speak the door opened and in walked an 18 year old you.

You set the bags down and started sorting the items into their new places. The canned foods go in the cupboard and the meat goes into the fridge. There were loads of food and stuff to go through and place properly. After you placed the last can of baked beans into the cupboard, the door swung open, nearly breaking the door.

They came home from their dealers place early. They stunk of weed and alcohol and had a little white powder around their nose. They looked like they had a good time until they had to come home. It was their dealers birthday so he was having a brothel themed party meaning there were strippers, pole dancers and prostitutes as well. The dealer was a rich guy who practically ran this city. The cops couldn't do anything as he could always bail himself out of jail.

They looked you in your comfy clothes and scoffed. They looked angry. "Why aren't you in your normal clothes babes? I thought I told you to throw away all of that shit. Come on now. Don't tell me I wasted all my well earned money on those clothes I specifically chose for you?"

You shuddered, both in the past and now except now they only made bile rise into your throat. You were so young and vulnerable. Now you know better.

The past you quickly scampered off to get changed. After only 5 minutes you reappeared in what was sexy school girl. The blue miniskirt covered less than most underwear so you were forced to wear a thong. The shirt was a bralet that barely covered your nipples. Your hair was in pigtails and you wore thigh highs. The sight made you silently sick in your mouth. You looked pathetic and weak.

You looked at them expectingly. You were waiting for your next order from them. They seemed to drool at the sight of you. "That's better babes. Why didn't you go shopping like that? Show the world your fat ugly figure? I want you to walk out there and see that no one else wants you but here I am, loving you. I am the only one who will ever like you in the way we have now. Your lucky I've had some fun tonight. All I want is my vodka and a new blunt darling"

You quickly went and grabbed their stuff and walked towards them as they settled in front of the TV. They turned the TV on and put Love Island on. How you hated that show. It made you feel bad for being the size you are. The women on there were beautiful but you also knew that, that kind of beauty costs money. So while your partner had fun watching the show for the romance, you watched it to spot what part of them was bought and what was real. Almost all the women had fake teeth and breasts. You hated how your partner would make snide comments on how they looked compared to you.

"You should be looking like Becky ya know. Beautiful teeth, big perky tits and a fucking great ass. What do you have? Flabs!" And there was the first comment of the day. The first of 30, you counted.

"Yeah well you are fucking broke so I can't look like fucking fake ass Becky or the others!" You thought. Then the Doctor gave you a look of shock and pity and then you realised you said that aloud. Not loud enough for them to hear you but enough for the Doctor.

"Make yourself fucking useful and make me some dinner. I fancy a steak and chips." They ordered as you got up and waddled over to the kitchen. A few minutes in you realised you put too much oil in the pan for the steak but the steak was already in and cooking quick. So quick that it started to smoke just a little bit. You tried blowing it away from them before they realised that you fucked up their dinner but ut was too late. They were already on their feet a marching towards you.

"I'm so sorry. I accidentally poured too much oil in. I'm so sorry. I have a spare steak, you can have my meal for tonight, I could do with skipping a meal anyways, helps me lose weight!" Past you was panicked and present you wasn't much better. Even though you were safe from them, they still made you uneasy. If you were to ever see them again, you'd freeze. They made your blood run cold. Even their voice sent unpleasant shivers down your spine.

"You better make me another steak but I still have to punish you. You fucked up, a lesson needs to be learnt." They said scarily politely. They grabbed your left arm and marched you towards the sink. They also grabbed the burning pan and pinned you so you had no escape as they poured the boiling oil onto your skin. You knew not to scream do you bit into your other arm knowing a bite out of it is better than causing more punishments for screaming.

When they were done left to watch the TV and you knew what that meant. You had to cook the spare steak and make there meal before you can get proper treatment at the hospital. Through your tears of agony, you quickly ran your burnt and bleeding arm under the cold water of the sink. You bit deeper into your other arm and tasting blood, but thay didn't stop you until the left one had cooled down. Then you got an old shirt, ripped 2 pieces of fabric off and wrapped them around both arm Injuries. You then continued their meal.

Once they had the meal they kicked you and punched you in the stomach because the chips were slightly cold and then they drove you to the hospital as they promised. When you had left you didn't realise you had been crying until a drop fell on your arm. You walked out of the storage room and sat on the sofa, turning the TV off.

The Doctor looked shocked for a moment before walking over and kneeling in front of you. The Doctor went silent for a moment. Before she could speak, you decided to speak first.

"I couldn't tell you because I couldn't think if a nice way of telling you. I didn't want to appear weak to you." You cried as your voice cracked in the middle due to the tears and the strain. The Doctor looked at you in pity and disappointment.

"This does not make you weak. Being abused does not make you weak. Because being abused is like being tortured by someone who supposed to love you and cherish you. They are meant to protect you from danger not be the danger. I would never hurt you. I know that I put you in risky situations but believe me, I would never intentionally put you in danger. You mean too much to me" The Doctor softly spoke with tears making a little river down her soft cheeks and onto your black carpet below.

"Before I met them, I was like you or Yaz. I was so happy at everything. Very little could bring me down. But I met them and started dating them and suddenly, my world of sunshine faded to grey. There was no light. I wanted to die Doctor. When you found me at that spider hotel, I wanted to be free from them as I couldn't do it. I can't because they'd kill me. I don't want to be alive whilst I'm with them. I have so many scars from either them or me trying to end my own life and that the scariest thing. Death wants us to be terrified but wanting to die is so much more terrifying Doctor, I know that." You cried as you emptied all you could to her. The Doctor was silent for a moment, taking in everything you said. Waves of emotion flashed through her, anger, sadness, pity and something you couldn't quite place.

"You said wanted. That's past tense. You said wanted to die. What changed? What made you want to live?"

"You did. You saved me from the spiders. You gave me a temporary out of the relationship for a while. You made me smile for the first time in 3 years! You made me laugh. The world of grey is now full of sunshine and rainbows Doctor. You also saved me today. When I jumped across that canyon, I jumped to end my life. I made a mistake that nearly ended a planet! If I wasn't so fat and clumsy maybe i-"

"Don't you dare say that! You are not fat (n/n). Yes you have more plush to your body but you are not fat. I hate that word. Its such a nasty word. You are gorgeous, amazing and so brilliant. You can't see what I see and I really wished you could for just one moment. You are worthy of being loved and cared for. You are precious, rare, one of a kind. I've never met anyone like you. There's always some skinny, fake bodied and caked up women but there's no one with as much natural beauty as you! Let's get back to the TARDIS and we'll talk more when looking at the stars because I can see that being here isn't doing you any favours" The Doctor spoke with such passion that you started to believe that her words held more than those of a supporting friend would.

Once the TARDIS was parked in the Milky Way you settled by the door once again and found yourself accompanied by the sweet alien. You both sat there for a moment just content with wrapping your heads around what's just happened. You looked over to the blonde and noticed how the stars made her glow in such an ethereal way that you felt almost compelled to worship her. Maybe you should after everything she's done for you. Her eyes sparkled with si many emotions from the past senario.

"Are you still with them?"

"Why do you think I never left this place? I mean even if could, I wouldn't want to but it's mainly because if I go back home, I'll come back with more injuries. I feel safer with you. You are my sunshine and rainbows and they are my storm clouds. Whilst I'm here, I'm alive and mostly unbroken. Whilst I'm there, I'm as alive as a puppet and severely broken. I can't leave, not on my own anyway."

The Doctor looked at you in thought. "The starlight compliments you. You look so pretty and almost angelic. I just wish they never hurt my angel. My innocent angel had broken wings and I'm going to fix what the Devil broke, I promise. Just hold on, I'm going to take us somewhere."

You held the nearest crystal as the TARDIS transported you somewhere but it seemed like the sentient machine was determined to take you there as quick as she could. As you opened the doors you noticed a familiar smell of weed mixed with alcohol. You heard the familiar tune of Love Island and knew exactly where you were. You were home. The Doctor saw your hesitation and whispered softly, "I want you to pack everything you want. I've written a note for them to find. I'm going to put it on the bed. If they notice you scream for me and I'll be there. They will not hurt you much, hopefully not at all. I just need to do something in the TARDIS before I help you." She turned and left into the TARDIS and disappeared down a corridor.

The atmosphere sent chills down your spine and you were frozen. The TARDIS seemed to notice and words of encouragement were sent into your head which helped you move towards your bedroom. You quickly buy quietly opend your suitcase and started to fill it with clothing and hygiene products. As you entered the bathroom a bottle of their shampoo fell into the tub giving you away. You knew you only had so long before they came in and hurt you so you closed the door and barricaded it with whatever you could.

As you pushed the last cabinet to the pile they roared through the wooden door. "Let me in you fat dumb bitch. You've been gone for 3 weeks and you've got some balls coming back! You're lucky I haven't burned all your shit! Where have you been?"

Your heart ran at an extremely fast pace nd you knew only one person could help you now. And so you screamed her name so loud it hurt your throat bit that didn't stop you. You screamed until you heard talking. You couldn't understand what was said but suddenly a thud was heard and then silence.

"Hey Starlight! It's only me. I've taken care of them. They're not dead but in a venishion aikido. They can't move, they're paralysed. You can come out and finish packing"

You moved everything out of the door and opened it to a view you expected. The Doctor with 2 fingers to their pulse point on their neck. The Doctor smiled at when they saw you. You finished packing and zipped the bag up. Then Yaz walked in with her police uniform on and arrested them for domestic violence and many other things. Now you understood why The Doctor left, it was to get Yaz as a back up option to completely take them out of your life.

The Doctor helped open doors for you as you got your room and you set the suitcase to one side to empty another day. You both sat down on your bed. The sound was filled with nothing but 2 lifeforms breathing and the TARDIS faint buzzing. You two stayed like this, staring into each other, trying to read the others emotions. But we all know what The Doctor is like, she can't stay silent for long.

"I had to save you because as long as you were with them, you weren't ever going to be truly happy. I didn't want my big bright star to turn into a black hole, I wanted her to be a supernova. My Starlight deserves to be happy."

"You keep saying my Doctor. And you asked if I was still with them and then when I basically said yes, you quickly, as in a rush, sent us home so I could leave them. You keep saying all these things about me. You held my hand from the canyon to the drill. You are always the first to check on me and you always make sure I'm OK first even if I'm the farthest person from you! Doctor, be honest, I don't want any more bullshit. Doctor why?" You spoke softly but with determination. The Doctor blushed and shifted her gaze to the stars and quietly gulped. She knew this day would come. The day her secret was revealed. And she dreaded her answer and she dreaded your reaction. And whilst she figured out what to say, you already knew the answer.

You gently grabbed her chin and made her look at you. Once her gaze caught yours, you smiled and placed your lips to her soft ones. Quickly she caught up and kissed you back with all the love and passion she could muster. She wanted to relay that she did love you and that she would do exactly as she said earlier, she would cherish you.

As for you, you smiled. You finally had an out that didn't end in death but instead ended with the same love that you yearned for, for years.

[nightswithkookmin]

JIKOOK IS WILD'N BEHIND SUGA- AGAIN

It's official, Jikook don lost their minds- or they is madly in love- whatever y'all kids call it these days. Chilee, can't even tell the difference any more at this point. Sigh. When I tell you Jikook is real. Please Jikook is real.

Remember the thing they used to do behind suga in interviews when they were teens? Holding hands behind Suga and what not? They. Are. Still. Doing. It. Again. In. 2020. y'all

I can't with their asses.

I've said this before, I don't do these kinds of analysis- video analysis I mean. I literally can't do it. Lol. If I could I would. Y'all don't know how many days it's taken me to work this simple video edit. And even that I still had to solicit the help of my bestie- I'm starting to think she's more delusional than I am at this point. Lol. Bless her.

Anywho, we went through all that trouble falling on the video editing skills we don't have- well I don't have, I think she did great; not because of Jikook sneaky ass holding hands behind unsuspecting Suga in the the dynamite MV shooting sketch video- which Suga, It's been seven years and you still don't know what goes on between Jikook behind your back?? Jikook are smooth criminals but I'm starting to think Suga in on this. Smirk.

Suga is an accomplice y'all. Enabling these shenanigans as if he don't know. He knows!

Since my last post on VMinKookJoon's tensions, where I talked briefly about the subtle tensions that I've been noticing between Tae and JK throughout this year, it's come to my attention that Tuktukkers are running around the internet claiming the tension between V and Kook, in one of the clips I pointed out, had been because JK had been mad and Jealous over Jin wrapping his hands around Tae...

I respect their hustle. I really do. Plus, I don't like to meddle in other people's delusions- it brings me no joy whatsoever.

But...

Jk wasn't jealous over Tae shit- In my humble opinion. Was he mad at Tae? Yes. Did Tae notice JK was mad at him and hence drew a sad face? Yes he did. The video evidence is there. All of that happened.

If you've not seen the moment I am talking about please check my previous post to see what I'm talking about. I said I was going to delete it- well I lied. Lol.

The tension between Kook and Tae in that Dynamite Shoot Sketch wasn't because JK was jealous that Tae and Jin were flirting and playing around behind him, it was because Tae had almost accidentally exposed Jikook flirting behind Suga- Something, I assume JK thought V had done on purpose. Hear me out.

Tae was sad because, he genuinely didn't intend to pull on JK's shoulder the way he did causing JK to toggle slightly away from Suga- I wish I could show you this in a video analysis. This is frustrating! But I suck at tech stuff. Ugh!!!

What had happened was:

At the start of that scene, Jimin it seemed wanted to be close to JK- by close I mean he wanted to touch up on JK, feel up on him, kiss up on him, love up on him, hold him, slow dance with him, make love to him- Uno, horny grown up couple stuff. Lol.

Don't mind me.

I don't know what was going through his head in that moment but clearly he was craving some form of physical connection from JK hence why he initiated that contact.

You could see the progression of them drawing closer and closer to eachother, trapping Suga in between them.

Listen, JM is scary when he is high on adrenaline! That's when he starts rubbing JK's thighs and foot and- sweet lord he is wild. Chileeee!

He placed his hand in his pockets and pushed his body against Suga's but once he does that he takes his hand out and tugs on JK's arm or something- smooth criminal this one.

JK noticed what JM was up to so he did the same thing- pushed his body against Suga and held JM's hand. Then there was a cut.

It's hard to spot except for that the two had ended up after the cut sandwiching Suga in between them. Had it not been for Tae that moment would have gone undetected.

Whatever they were doing behind Suga, it seemed Tae had clocked on. He turned his gaze in their direction briefly and looked away suspiciously- Tae... How that man is great at acting but sucks at hiding his feelings beats me. Lmho.

This is the same person y'all swear is hiding a relationship in BTS? He mustn't be feeling emotions for this person then. Chileee.

Dude glanced at JM and exchanged what I could only assume was a disapproving stare at JM in the process. I bet he wanted to scream, 'let's not hold hands behind our hyungs' in that moment. Lol.

I think JK noticed Tae glancing at whatever they were doing with their hands behind Suga but kept his cool- so Jikook, y'all did all of that with a straight face? Damn they slick!

Unfortunately, Jin pushed Tae- I don't know if that was by accident because Jin was just playing around with Tae. However, because Tae had his hand wrapped around JK, he had ended up dragging JK along with him- That's when the Taekook saga began. Lol.

I believe JK had assumed Tae had done that bit on purpose because as I've said it is part of Taekook's dynamics - Tae is constantly teasing and shading JK and even sometimes passive aggressively exposing Jikook's antics as seen in the dynamite MV reaction VLive.

Remember in their earlier dynamics, that moment when JK wanted JM to stand next to him but Tae was in the middle so he kept poking at Tae's ribs to move? And JM too was low key pulling on Tae's shirt to move at the same time but Tae deadass wouldn't move?

I'M DEAD🤣🤣🤣🤣

Tae is that friend! Chileee. I just love him to bits!

I think Jk found it ironic that Tae should place his hand over his shoulders when a few seconds ago he had attempted to separate him from his man which is why he had that look on his face when he glanced at Tae's hand on his shoulder.

Frankly that thing is something that I feel irks JK a lot. Not just when Tae does it, but when RM or Hobi or Suga or anyone else does it.

That's what most of these Jeonlous moments are about really, especially in recent times.

For example, him elbowing RM to get his hands off Jimin in their recent Home performance wasn't because he was jealous. It's more so he was annoyed. If you paid attention to the 'fan service' bit Jikook did in the bedroom scene it's clear they had been given a talking to- to keep things PG, just as RM had indicated in JK's bdae VLive when he said they had all agreed before filming not to do and say certain things.

I could see then why it would irritate JK if anyone else would freely do skinship with JM but then censor him if he tried to do it with Jimin too- know what I mean?

Most of these 'jeonlous' moments are just JK basically saying, let's all be held to the same standards- if I can't do this with Jimin, atatatatatat, neither can y'all.

Gotta keep the same energy.

This is what I mean by stress. You can hide a relationship but you can't hide the stress that comes with keeping that relationship a secret. These kinds of tensions are bound to arise as a result of keeping Jikook a secret.

I mean there is a reason Jikook try so hard not to look like a secret. There is a reason they play off some of their interactions as 'fanservice'. They do that to take the edge off because keeping secrets is hard.

And so when you look at that moment, and you see how freely TaeJin were 'flirting' and having fun openly, but JK and JM had to sneak behind Suga's back to have a moment; and to have Tae pull on JK like that- I get why JK would be triggered. But honestly Tae didn't do it on purpose. Not this time around. Lol

Chileee, JK! You scare me! Lmho. He out here scaring people for no reason! Had Tae looking like he about to call Jimin to arrange a heart to heart meeting with Kook again. Chileeee.

It broke my heart watching that bit because Tae honestly didn't do that bit on purpose. I can vouch for him, JK. It is why Tae had that look on his face. He hadn't intended that bit.

This does not mean however that each time or all the times that Jk has pulled away from Tae when Tae has tried to hold his hands or do certain things with him like in all the times I've mentioned or during the recent On:e concert, that it's because he felt V was trying to sabotage his moments. That's a silly thought.

I can pull out a list of all the times there's been tensions between those two especially this year and I can tell you only a hand full of those moments have anything to do with JK's relationship with JM.

Some are about him trying to enforce his personal boundaries which he does with all the members as well, among other things.

Taekook have their own issues going on which has nothing to do with JM. Whatever falling out they had had in the past, Tae has been really trying to rebuild their connection- they both have been putting in the effort and I hope they can fix things and go back to the way that they were before because I kinda miss the old them. Sigh.

Anywho, when JM noticed what had happened- that Tae had pulled on JK's shoulder , I think he too thought Tae had done that bit on purpose. He dropped his hand from Hobi's shoulder and composed himself. I think he tried to take his hands down but JK wouldn't let go of his hand. Lol.

So when the music started playing and they were all dancing, JK and JM were the only once dancing with Just one hand each and you could see JM's shoulder inches away from Suga- Yoonminers I see you. I love y'all but JM wasn't holding Suga's waist. Don't get any ideas. Lol.

When they started moving away at the end of the video, that's when you can clearly see JM's hand drop down from behind Suga.

Listen, Jikook are smooth criminals but they ain't slick. They tried it. All that body pressed up against Suga, chilee I thought they were going to crash that man.

Jikook have been pretty sneaky this comeback. For good reason I guess. Jk throwing the boy with love sign at JM after JM kicked him during the second day concert, and this moment right here amongst others so far are my favorite.

I love it here.

Please go watch the original footage for yourself and draw your own conclusions.

My conclusion is, 'Jikook gay, Jikook married' Jikook is real, keep supporting them.

Signed,

GOLDY