#I saw one funny post about Bruce carding Jason and this came to be

[iguessthisisanewobsession]

Bruce Wayne Says ‘Never Too Old For Uppies’

Darling billionaire and former Gotham heartthrob turn DILF Bruce Wayne was spotted at his latest Gala wearing the latest season’s top designer suit.

This is of its self wasn’t surprising but the scene that unfolded sure was!

Now it isn’t a surprise for anyone who has been keeping track of the posts and polls about the most attractive men in America that Mr. Winner of 3 years in a row is quite ripped under all those layers he usually wears and when asked why he exercises to such a degree that it could rival the big bat, Mr. Wayne seemed to fumble for a bit before responding with a dazzling smile that he does so that he could carry all of his children.

Another reporter made comment about how all of his children were well past the age of being picked up.

Mr. Wayne proceed to state quite seriously to the reporter,

“They’re never too old for uppies.”

Apparently Mr. Wayne’s two eldest sons had heard their father’s statement as they shared a look before taking a running leap towards their dad with Dick Grayson Wayne bellowing “uppies!” In response.

Mr. Wayne, despite his well known clumsiness, caught both of his sons with a spin before calmly stating to the reporters that he had guests to talk to and then walked away with one boy sitting on each hip.

And let us remind our readers that neither men Mr. Wayne caught weigh less than an estimated 170 lbs!

The rest of the gala had our reporters spotting Mr. Wayne carrying his various children in various ways.

Message was well received, Kids are never too old for uppies, just too heavy!

But nothing less can be expected from the dad of the year.

Though, he may have competition here in Gotham, as eye witnesses have stated that they had seen our own Big Bat taking after our resident rich man.

But who can say? Maybe the two have a closer relationship than we know.

It had been stated that both Bruce Wayne and Batman have a similar physique to each-other with Batman being just slightly larger in size.

Maybe they share a workout routine?

We can only speculate.

What we can be sure of, is that Bruce loves his kids and would be willing to do anything to make them smile.

As always I am Vicky Vale.

*there are two photos shown along with the article. One of Bruce Wayne carting a staggering number of his children. With Cassandra and Damian Wayne on his shoulders, Dick Grayson Wayne and Jason Todd under each arm and Tim Drake Wayne clinging onto his front like a koala. It is noted that Duke Thomas is to the side seemingly recording the entire scene.

The second photo is of Batman with an annoyed Red Hood slung over his shoulder, trying to get loose.”

[batarangsoundsdumb]

hae interrogationes multae respondeant quia demens .

if you read this entire ask post you deserve a gold star and financial recompensation

Um, Obviously because when you’re adopted by a white guy you automatically become white duhhh

this is about this post lmao and yeah youre absolutely right, you have to hand your poc card in when you get adopted by a white guy.

Do you think Cass would listen to Yanni, the YouTube channel epic symphonic rock, or some other stuff? There's some cool mashups but idk if that's up your alley, I kinda feel like I'm pushing it with my weird taste of music by recommending an orchestra cover of metal, but i just love that sort of thing and mashups :P @harvestyourcherries 

i haven’t heard of that? but in my personal (correct) opinion steph listens to classical music, and then both modern and older, and then also stuff like black sabbath, iron maiden, but also hardrock and hardcore. i like the idea of cass just liking the most extreme screaming songs full of noise and then also listen to pachelbel’s 370th sonata yanno? THANK YOU for the rec tho

speaking of ur cass playlist hc...reminds of the time (yesterday) i found 2 playlists randomly on spotify from the same user. one was abt 3 hours of instrumental/classical "dark" & "nostalgic" music. the other almost 11 hours of nothing but hardcore bass/synth/electronic music. just an incredible tightrope act to put on in public. the synth one was also called like "psalms for synth sluts" which is Also incredible

tbh i LOVE synth SO MUCH like for no reason at all but then also cannot handle a poppy electronic beat lmao. but this seems like the kinda thing i’d do but just in one (1) playlist bc i just sort songs by vibe instead of genre? that’s how i end up with britney spears and billy ray cyrus in the same playlist. 

Oh, I want Kate Kane playlist next! It would be amazing if you could do one when you have time and will 🙏

how rude would it be of me to just say no? like sorry kate but idk you and also you seem way too keen on the us military for an institution that homophobically targeted you? (and also commits war crimes) but let’s unpack the fact that the institution that caused the death of your mom and sister and also got you blacklisted for being gay is still one you align with???

'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' --- when i tell you i fucking screamed LOL!!!!!!! i can imagine the cameraman not knowing if he should cut to commercial or keep it on these two weirdos fighting on stage (bruce definitely ruffled dick's hair/noogied him right?? 

about this post but yeah lmao. this cameraman just turns to like the audience to get a reaction and it’s just multiple moments of CLEAR shock.

you are the only funny person on this hellsite

how egotistical is it for me to say that i get this ask multiple times a month? bc it literally happens so often it’s hilarious to me.

Wish there was more john/Bruce content 😔😔😔 was so hungry I actually looked at canon media 😔😔😔 (Justice League Dark babeeeyyyyyy)

check out batman: damned for some mediocre content but at least it’s john/bruce (also very interesting story and stuff, just got very >:( over this weird part where harley quinn tried to r*pe bruce or something? it’s not for everyone)

dick grayson but he's nicki minaj

his anaconda don’t want none,,, unless...... 

Dick Grayson was never a cop, he played Marshall on Paw Patrol

you are SO right. also paw patrol is a fucking good show idc. that shit could’ve been the new steven universe on this hellsite.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS1lI0bLI7-/?utm_medium=copy_link

...

why do people keep reposting my CONTENT. if you are not funny yourself don’t just grab shit off of tumblr and post it on insta,,, get a life. sidenote: should i start an insta and get all these ppl to take my content down that would be funny as hell.

Might I suggest for a Gotham City Meme: something about the true crime fandom thirsting for the rogues gallery

ok can i just say something slightly controversial?? no? i don’t find true crime ppl who are into criminals funny, that shits disturbing irl im not gonna bring that into my very chill universe.

i may have never seen a 'jason cleaning guns in sink' fic but i do know he WOULD

THANK YOU

bestie im sorry to say this to you but while you can, and people do wash their guns in the sink, that is a lot of lead in a very vital part of the kitchen.

people tend to do it in the bathtub.

WHY???? like damn why do you even have guns

i dont think i read many gun sink fics exactly but i have read lots of fics where jason cleanes his guns in the living room. usualy dissembles them and cleans them with a rag i think

lmao fair enough, like i think that’s a large part of what i remember as well.

if you say you've seen/read gun sink fics I believe you. I think those of us who didn't see them are lucky or maybe didn't search for fics by tags or something idk

i mean ive never sought them out but i HAVE seen them,, like definitely i know almost for certain.

saw your tags and I'm interested in Steph/Kara now. They would be the most chaotic couple <3

literally thoooo, i have a wip where they get together in a zombie apocalypse and like UGGGHhhh i am so in love with them.

I am the Breece anon. Thanks for the recommendation; am reading now. I’ve always been a hardcore Superman fan because I love my pure himbo farm boy. My logic is, if one Bruce is a Broose, then multiple Broose are a herd of Breece. And this is a hill upon which I will perish.

fair enough,,,, like moose, meese, goose, geese, bruce, breece. i get your logic and i stand by it as well. (glad you enjoyed the comic recs!!!!)

It's a beautiful day in Gotham, and you are a group of horrible Breece

OH my god dude lmao

there only being 42 fics on ao3 for tim and bernard is honestly so sad i need more

it’s like twice that now!!! we did it lads. (tho very sad that my fic isnt number one but like number 4 :((((  )

i'm too late you already did the poll lol but may i suggest bethy (bernard + timothy)

shit dude that wouldve been so fucking funnyyyyy. think ppl have just stuck to timber tho, tim/bernard kinda died down recently and i think it’s too bad, they’re a great couple and i love them.

Wait, hear me out

Bernothy @redlightofdawn

great recommendation (lmao this ask is from like a month ago) but very sorry to announce that NARDTH is the superior shipname

Wait, we know that bernard likes milfs (Tim's step-mom) but what about dilfs? gilfs?

Wait no, I regret sending that ask

these were two seperate asks and they’re HILARIOUS. in my personal opinion tho,,, milfs, gilfs, dilfs are just about vibes and bernard is just attracted to sexy ppl who may sometimes be milfs, dilfs, or EVEN gilfs.

crime in bludhaven would drop to half if nightwing had a boob window. in this essay i will-

WHERE’S THE ESSAY ANON, WHERE’S THE FUCKING ESSAY

Wait if Barbra and Tim r at opposite ends at all times what happened to Barbra once everyone’s Tim’s ever love before started dying lol

she won a lottery ticket and spent 2 weeks on a resort in the bahamas before returning home and finding out that the joker was arrested for tax evasion and then spent a month staying at her big tiddie goth girlfriend’s house before conner came back to life and she broke her pinkie playing table hockey.

Why is the opposite end thing so funny and compelling to me. Tim comes back from his depression quest for Bruce and Babs is now a literal god

lmao when tim loses his spleen barbara reaches nirvana.

Are you still taking music recs because I have three songs that remind me of Jason that I think you'd like

send to me or lose a toe

🌸 ⭐ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. it’s time to spread positivity! ⭐🌸😋

thanks, i wont tho on account of i wont.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMduBy3Sr/

⬆️

This is the whole of Blüdhaven and everyone anywhere.

Nightwings ass alone saves more people in a calendar year and does more for so society than most heroes do their whole career.Also u are one of the funniest tumblr pages out there. The vibes are unmatched and the memes and tags ✨send me✨.Thank u and goodnight @julia-flow 

fanksss also lmao.

That's going to be a little bit difficult to explain, but

There's some music that you listen to and you think, "oh my gosh, I can perfectly imagine Dick Grayson singing this song, with the same voice as the singer because that voice matches with Dick Grayson"?

oh yeah totally lmao. i have a lot of songs that i think are just entirely dick grayson yanno? kind of all of my playlists have that vibe, but i really find bleachers to fit with dick? idk.

"Lois lane/Superman" fics this, "Lois lane/Clark Kent" fics that, (/lh) let's get into the real good stuff. Some people ship Lois, Clark, and Superman as a throuple. Most popular fic tag for sure

yes totally, i think they’d be absolutely killer on ao3 and clark gets so fucking embarassed about it.

I miss your post, hope you’re doing okay!!

haha this was like 2 months ago, but i was doing fine then too! just didn’t have a lot of inspiration in terms of content.

Doot doot!

noot noot

I’m confused. What did DC do now? Like with nightwing? And another sibling? Please spoil everything for me

lmao they gave him a secret sister plotline where they had his dad cheat on his mom with tony zucco’s wife, bc dick’s life wasn’t traumatic enough yet.

sorry but it's so funny that batman is called "the dark knight" when the gotham city baseball team is called the gotham knights. it'd be like if a vigilante was running around new york called like "the scary yankee"

lmaooo no. but like yankee comes from dutch names or something so wouldnt it be HILARIOUS if gotham knights came from like german names and bruce would be running around called the dark KLAUS UND NIEK @graysonnightwing 

(not a batcest shipper) it’s so funny to me that the responses are “i’m a batcest shipper because i can differentiate fiction from reality and and it doesn’t bother me personally, but i understand why you oils think it’s weird” to “i wish all batcest shippers a very fucking die”

yeah lmaoo. i personally basically flipped my entire stance around to ‘i dont care please leave me and everybody else alone’ bc i think there’s really no point in starting a moral dillema over some fucking fandom bullshit. Please just,,, go home,,, log off, find a nice forest to have a little walk in and remember that somewhere in history, somebody probably died in the place you’re standing. and you will also die someday, and somebody will have to look at your internet usage and see you fighting multiple people anonymously while being named ‘nightwingsbuttchin200186′ like... calm down, we’re all gonna die this is not the thing to worry about.

so since like "wards" don't really exist in modern society almost all the batkids are foster kids, right? i used to work in the system and imagine: monthly visits from social workers and guardian ad litems, bruce having to get permission to take the boys anywhere out of state, calling their social worker at like 8 a.m. like "yeah dick broke his arm again... a gymnastics accident this time...." their poor social worker. bruce send her a huge bouquet and box of chocolates every month to stay on her good side

i imagine the social worker just getting into the case like ‘yeah let’s get this kid a good guardian’ and then ending up having to work with 22 y/o bruce wayne and his 50 y/o dad. and so this social worker is like ‘okay we can work with this, this is the best home i can find’ and then like it ends up landing on its feet and then the kid gets adopted and then they get a call a year later like ‘uhm so hi, this kid tried to steal my tyres can i adopt him?’ and like 3 years later. ‘okay so basically, my neighbours’ kid imprinted on me and now they’re dead, can i keep him?’ two years later it’s like ‘okay so this assassin child-’

ever since I saw that one post of yours, the meme that's something like "I know that abba's backup dancer got me" with a picture of discowing, I've been haunted. Every once in a while I'll be minding my own business then the image of abba's backup dancer dick grayson aka nightwing aka discowing will flash in my mind and I'll be frozen in place. Today at work I was in the middle of folding clothes and suddenly once again discowing entered my mind and I suddenly lost the ability to see anything except He. Thank you.

wow. the IMPACT.

Braver than any US marine man props to you🤝

this shit is about the time i wrote an article on batcest, like man,,, the fact that i didn’t get cancelled is MIRACULOUS. also like,,, uh if anybody on here did gossip on me,, send screenshots i’d love to see it.

Hello, just wanted to say your article was great. Thank you for taking the time to provide an unbaised answer. It should provide people with nuances they couldn't possibly conjure on their own.

May I ask where your username originates from?

yes you may (also thanks!!!) i thought it up when i was trying to find an original username bc i didnt want to be called like ‘timdrakes something something’ or ‘jason todd something smoething’ or ‘dick grayson something something’ yanno? so i thought batarangs, they sound so dumb and that’s my username story... now it’s my whole entire brand lmao.

yno that bit in kick ass where red mist asks kick ass if he wants a hit of his blunt, was that the inspo for stoner tim

no? it’s bc i think stoners are hilarious and drugs are great. (dont do drugs tho) 

How would u feel if someone actually wore one of those bruce or ollie pride shirts u edited

fenomenal next question.

Dick as lil huddy and Jason as James gave me radiation poisoning and now I’m screaming crying throwing up so thx for that

(Rico suave as Tim is perfect tho literally no changes needed)

i was so funny for that shit wasn’t i??? lmao i loved those weird ass fancasts

You're doing the Lord's work by providing us with all these Gotham/Metropolis citizens memes, thank you for being so relentlessly funny @nellethiel-aranel

you’re welcome!! i really enjoy making memes, but getting validation for my content and my memes is REALLY nice.

Bruce is such a slut in your memes and honestly i love that for him @rhodey-rhudert-rhodes-main 

he’s that much of a slut irl too dw.

Bruce and Alfred have an emergency pride flag for the batkids. Oliver Queen printed an emergency "I love my gay son" t-shirt and as soon as Roy told him he was dating Jason, Oliver started wearing that shirt everyday and Roy always cringes when he sees it. Oliver also has an emergency "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt just in case for Cissie.

lmao YES i had a post like this bc like all of their kids/family members are so gayy

stop bringing back batfam fancasts it is not real it is not real it is not- 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

oh yes it is my darling.

did discowing burn down the notredam because he hates the bees? @allulily

no he did it bc fuck the french.

im gonna beg for 1 thing and 1 thing only. please please please put physical by olivia newton john on dick's playlist

okay then beg. bc i wont. physical reminds me too much of glee and that hurts me mentally.

your playlist is sorely missing some Madonna. Specifically Into the Groove, Like a Prayer, and Vogue

i’m scared of madonna that’s why she’s not on there. she haunts me in my dreams.

suggestion: son of batman by aaron dews for dick’s playlist🤩

sorry, i listened to it and the vibe didn’t agree with me.

Hear me out, metropolis citizens sending rare pair fics of Clark Kent x Superman fics to Lois to edit

yes, absolutely hilarious. even more funny if they send like physical copies, no address attached and lois sends it back marked with red ink, SOMEHOW

Imagine all the smut Clark must of read editing the fics

clark reads smut confirmeeed

NOT LOIS READING SUPERBAT PORN AND EDITING IT A 2AM 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hc that alfred is a meta that boosts healing factor of the people around him. if the bats are injured as much as they seem to be they would be doing bat stuff MAYBE half the year. no one including alfred knows about this. whenever the kids move out they inexplicably dont recover from injuries as fast and feel better whenever they visit the manor they just chalk it up to homesickness. bruce just thinks he heals really fast. alfred thinks everyone doesnt take care of themselves properly @finchcollector

that’s actually such a great idea, but i think that alfred would find out and learn how to concentrate it better so he can help more people, bc he’s great and i love him.

One of your dickfast posts reminded me of that tweet that goes: 'so you've had sex how many times? Yeah technically that's not a bromance' lol that's dickwally or dickroy

literally tho. like that’s all of dick’s friendships. once it gets past a certain time dick is like ‘wow i wonder what it would be like to make out with wally, wally come make out with me’ and wally’s like ‘we’ve done this like 40 times, dick, you know what it’s like’ and dick is like ‘sorry are you complaining?’ and they just make out.

superfam and batfam associations??

-batman and superman

-dick/barabara and supergirl?

-conner and tim

-jon and damian

pls enlighten me I am confused

nope,,, uhm batman and superman, but dick and superman as well, and then conner and tim, jon and damian and steph + babs with supergirl

I came across a fic in which Wonder Woman calls Batman "Stella" (like Stellaluna, the children's book) and I can imagine the batkids hop on the trend and maybe copies of the book appear at random places (aka, everywhere Bruce frequents)

sorry can’t reciprocate that was the name of my high school chemistry teacher and it gives me nightmares to think about.

good human what are your pronouns?

wouldn’t you like to know?

I need me some gothamites preferring harley over joker memes

everyone prefers harley over joker youre just very fucked up if you dont

don't understand why people try to add like veteran policy to the batfamily

dick pulling out his veteran batfam member card so he can eat first: step aside, peasants

Do you know the song Simmer by Haley Williams? It (the first verse anyways) reminds me of Jason? It's about rage.

damn yeah i LOVE HAYLEY!!!! youre right thoo

Okay so I like listen to your stoner Tim Drake playlist 24/7 but would he listen to skegss? Also I keep adding songs mentally it’s killing me 😩✋🏼 Anyways,, I literally love and worship your playlist 😃🤞🏼 And uh yeah have a good day ✨

stoner tim drake playlist is lyfeeee. also dont know who skeggs is? i’m stupid? have a good day!!

All the Robins (and Batgirl) decide to trade costumes for one night just to fuck with Batman and all the villains in Gotham. @subspacecadet 

batman knows it’s them youknow but like,,, what does he call them? he’s like ‘red hood?’ and 3 people answer and he’s not about to compromise some identities so he’s just Pissed.

I aspire to treat cops the way my dad treats them. This man is a 45 year old Asian immigrant to the US and the treats them like his pets. He talks about them like unruly children. Sometimes he pays off local cops to shut up and stop acting racist. And usually it works. I don’t know why but I can see Oliver Queen doing this

vibes... and also yes? oliver queen handing a local cop a donut to shut the fuck up lmao. but yanno i commit enough crimes to not really want to ever see a cop ever, so they kinda scare the everloving fuck out of me.

seeing as tim hasn't aged in years, that means he was 17 at peak emo tumblr era. im back on my emo tim bullshit and im not letting it go

emo tim had a wattpad account send tweet

People seem to think that batman is so dark and serious when the rainbow batsuit is right there. He wore it with no shame.

dude the 60s were a DIFFERENT TIME

dick grew up in a circus, jason grew up on the streets, and tim was probably raised by the internet

all of them cuss every other word and you cannot tell me otherwise

bitch i KNOW but dc has to change to an 18+ rating if they want to sell comix with swear words in them so we gotta deal with imagining the swear words in ourselves

thoughts on teen titans and young justice

haven’t seen teen titans on account of havent seen it and young justice was LITERALLY my favourite thing ever, tho i do gotta admit it’s not at all similar to the young justice comics unfortunately. i really wouldve liked to see timmy bart kon cassie and cissie animated on tv!!

ew ew ew how to delete batcest shippers I genuinely digust them

log off tumblr?

Okay as poc who was called racist for calling an Italian pastabrain: in the batfam are Italians bit Damian just yells various insults about the others being Italian. Just him yelling “What are you doing you moronic spaghettihead!” At steph etc

huh? i meant real italians. homeboy is telling steph he hopes she chokes on her fucking garlic.

I think it's dumb as hell to pull the batman is the best fighter in the batfam argument because like it's just irresponsible of Bruce to let his kids fight when they couldn't possibly be on his league or something

fair enough, but also like who cares they could all kill you just sit down and take a beating.

lady shiva, thalia al ghul and Selina Kyle are all milfs @notanothertimburtonenthusiastugh 

unfortunately, i have to admit,,, you’re right

why tf didn't someone give joker a death sentence already? like he's a mass murderer...give him the electric chair treatment wtf

idk i think plenty of people would have tried to murder him already (boring answer is: he is a popular character so they can’t kill him off bc he brings in lots of money)

There’s no such thing as “ copaganda”.

all american media is propaganda. happy to clear this up for you

is it bad that I find lady shiva owa owa

no. find her as owa owa as you want.

aight I'm guessing the order of your favs in batfam:

1. tim

2. Steph

3. dick

4. Duke

5. the rest

you’re wrong but it’s cute that you tried, i generally don’t have favourites, but i have a special place in my heart for steph, tim, dick and cass. bc they were like my introduction to batfam. but damian, jason, duke, bruce, babs and alfred are NOT FORGOTTEN OR UNLOVED

oh my god i was literally just readily willing to believe that italians werent white ty for clarifying it was a joke im so dumb sdkvjskdfs

i mean some italians aren’t white? italian is a nationality as well as an ethnicity, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

since I saw so many people doing headcanons about the nationalities of batboys, I see Dick as an Italian.

dont know if youre serious or not, but sure.

super random but

jason 🤝 damian

old english

lmao fair enough.

tim absolutely has 1 gay uncle and his parents shit talk said uncle all the time so after bruce adopts him he specifically reaches out to this uncle to be like "heyyyy just so you know you majorly influenced my life yes i know i havent seen you since i was 5 and at the family reunion yes i know you dont remember my name idc thank you im gay too" and then they never talk again.

yuppp lmao that’s definitely something that could happen. i can also consider tim having no family members, like none. until he does like a dna test and he realises he has like an aunt living barely 2 miles away from him who’s like some illegitimate child of his grandpa.

I dare you one of them sends clark superman/clark fic and clark corrects the shit out of it and then goes like ps his dick is not that big, just telling as someone who has seen it. internet either explodes or goes who tf did he not fuck at this point.

i think everybody would call clark a buzzkill and try to cancel him over that.

so you're telling me Tim Drake wouldn't buy Starbucks?

no. dunkin donuts all the way

One of my favorite things is imagining people finding out jason came back from the dead and being like "oh no does he have magic powers now?!?!?" and he just pulls out a gun and tries to shoot joker

now he doesn’t even have the gun :) lmao

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

bruce gets codename ‘ugh’ everytime. he hates it.

crazy that tim being a 17 y/o ceo and a stoner who does brand deals are all actual canon things written in detective comics comics and not made up for shits and giggles by you, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb @rowdeyclown

SO CRAZY HUH?

batman au where everything is the same but his utility belt is bright pink

absolutely, but i raise you, his boots light up like sketchers when he kicks people.

unbeknownst to the superhero fandom writers in the dcuniverse, clark and BRUCE are one of the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag on ao3. clark writes the best lois x superman angst, full of unhappy endings and scenes that are a so detailed you'd think you were in the middle of a superhero beatdown. bruce made an ao3 account to fuel "the do the butts match" thing, and makes batman/bruce fics from time to time. he wrote a superbat fic as a joke but ended up making it REAL porny. @concrastinator

dude they’re WAY too busy for that. Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan on the other hand are the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag writing what is Mostly porn.

When the dining table topic gets to politics, Steph says "eat the rich" as the solution

bruce just silently takes away her fork and knife while she’s talking.

[artxyra]

What if Marinette goes to GA and becomes friends with damian and are known as the chaos kids. The school gets used to them. The waynes need Damian one day and when they ask for him the reply is "At (area) doing (weird thing. Example: making pokemon statues out of waffles) with Mari" they get to said area they're gone and the fam has to keep asking people where he is and keep getting crazy replies. When they find him he's arguing with her about whether winnie the pooh's fav color is red or yellow

@coolrascalhoagienerd, well I had a good laugh when I saw this and where is the making of what I thought would have worked. I hope you enjoy. 

When Damian entered the halls of Gotham Academy, the first thing he notice was the change in the usual dark atmosphere. It felt oddly kinder and more lighthearted. Everywhere he turns there are whispers featuring around the new girl that recently join the school.

It’s funny how the two met that very same day. She was running down the halls in a hurry as he was walking to his next class, one that he was particular care for. They bump into each other causing a standstill in the halls. Everyone wondered how the dark prince would react to the princess of sunshine. They expected a yelling match, instead they got the best and worst of alliance ever made. 

Months passed since the blooming of Damian and Marinette’s friendship and not a single student could say that there weren’t surprised. The moment Marinette had Damian under her spell, she was able to make the stoic teen become his age. It started off small with a joke here and there, then it exploded into card games followed by video games. To this day, Damian swears that he’ll beat her at a shooting game at one point to which Marinette would respond with a laugh and an over the shoulder wink. The younger Wayne would swear that he has never blush a day in his life but the photographic proof on Marinette’s phone says otherwise.

The school soon became accustomed to being Daminette’s playground. At first the teachers were opposed to the idea but after seeing how slightly more open Damian has become with the of Sunshine, they slowly agreed to the idea of allowing the dark prince and his sunshine have less strict rules.

Which brings us to this moment, Marinette swings on a swing set while Damian practice his form with a katana. Don’t ask how he manage to get it past security.

“You know, maybe we should do something wild?” Marinette says looking up to the sky with a mischief smirk on her lips.

Damian doesn’t turn to her; he only sets the blade down to his side. “What do you have in mind?”

Marinette giggles uncontrollably.

Let’s just say that whatever Marinette had in mind would rule the yearbooks for years to come.

~~

Damian hiding his characteristic change at home was simple enough. A few death threats here and there, maybe sneaking out moments every so often. No one at the Wayne cared to pay any attention to it. It only came as shock when Damian left for school along the lines of being late. Alfred offered to take me to which Damian declined and got onto his “normal” motorcycle and speeds off.

“Does it seem that Damian is acting strange to you?” Richard “Dick” Grayson asks, pipping his down from the ceiling. He’s on the chandelier again. Poor Alfred, maybe he’ll dust the chandelier for him.

Tim walks in to with large mug in hand, no doubt filled to the brim with coffee. “Which one?” He asks taking a sip, bags are underneath his eyes.

“I do concur with Master Richard; the young master has been acting somewhat strange for quite a moment now” Alfred appears out of nowhere.

It wasn’t long before Jason manage to drag the head of the household from his lair into the mess that was slowly brewing in the main room. Alfred reprimands Jason for the uses of force as he hands Bruce Wayne a cup of coffee.

“Look, I can’t explain much, but we’re going to need Demon Spawn for something huge.” Jason says looking like a madman pulling Bruce by the arm.

“Uh, why would we need Little Bird?” Dick asks dropping onto the floor and twisting his body. “Not that I don’t mind getting Damian involved.”

“Look there’s no time to explain,” Jason facepalms and begins to push everyone towards the door despite the lack of proper wear they have on.

After one clothes change, a large of amount protest, the Wayne household now stands in front of the gates of Gotham Academy.

“Is it me or does this place look less you know Gotham-y and full of life?” Tim asks narrowing his eyes as he takes a long sip of a new cup of coffee that has been transfer into a to-go cup with Red Robin’s emblem.

“No, no, Timmy, I see it too.” Dick whispers as Jason struts past the gates and onto the school’s property.

Bruce sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, “Come on, let’s go get your brother so Jason can stop being Jason.”

Tim shrugs before passing the gates himself with Dick following him.

Upon entering the school, they could immediately see that it was either passing period or free time for the students.

Bruce makes his way to the attendance, where Assistant Joyce resides sitting at the desk.

“Hello Joyce, I’m here pick up Damian. He has a, ah, dentist appointment this evening.” Bruce speaks hoping that she wouldn’t catch the lie he spoke of.

“Well Mr. Wayne, Damian is, uh…” Joyce turns to someone besides her. “Do you know where Damian Wayne would be at today?”

“Try the art room.” A feminine voice answers.

Joyce turns back to the Wayne family and smiles, “He should be at the art room, it’s down the hall to your right, you should not miss it. It’s in the only hallway that has a series of artwork posted in it. Before you go, please sign here so that we know to tell the teachers not to mark Damian absent today.”

Joyce hands Bruce a sign out sheet, to which the man signs and ushers his wards to go find his youngest.

“They’re so screwed.” The same feminine voice speaks causing Joyce to break out laughing.

Well, it took a total of four different locations for the men to find the youngest Wayne.

First, they went to the art room like Joyce’s co-worker told them to. They meet with a student that says that basically told them that Damian was playing Pokémon Go near the gym, apparently, he was trying to catch a legendary Pokémon that spawned there.

So, of course, after an awkward eye contact with one another, they walk to the gym. Once again Damian was there, but a different was. He told them that Damian was making ice sculptures out of ice cream at the cafeteria. The student then goes on to explain that Damian had some amazing skills with a knife.

Jason, with wide eyes, practically shouted at the student that he was crazy, and that Damian would never, and he means NEVER do something that stupid. The student just shrugs it off like it was an everyday occurrence. It was Dick that had to hold Jason back from thrashing the teen.

By the time they got to the cafeteria, it was damn near empty aside from a few students still eating. There were no signs of ice cream or the tools that would go into making a sculpture. Tim had to ask a few students to see if Damian was in here at some point in time. It’s the workers that answers the young CEO by telling him that Damian was here earlier making sculptures out of ice cream before handing it out to students. When asked with the question that has been slowly driving the four insane, the worker replies with “Upstairs racing on these old colorful scooter board down the halls.”

It was at that moment when Tim wanted nothing to but to have a mental break down, and he would have if it wasn’t for Bruce holding him up.

So, they quickly found themselves on the second level of the school. There was no sight of Damian Wayne, though there were wheel tracks smudged into the flooring.

“Are you kidding me?” Jason shouts out into the ceiling. Thankfully, there were no students in the halls to hear it. Well that might have been the case if it wasn’t for a teacher to open their door and shush the male.

“Angel, you are desperately in the wrong here. The bear only wears one color, so it has to the color red.” It was then that they finally hear the voice of the person they have been looking for. Looking over the staircase, they find a hidden cove/nook like area and siting in it is none other than Damian Wayne himself, but he’s not alone.

“I’m telling you, Dami, Pooh’s favorite color is yellow.” The female answers before taping her fingers as makes her point. “He loves honey, which is by default a yellow color.”

“I disagree, Winnie the Pooh has been drawn on numerous of occasions with red items not yellow.” He counters.

This was not happening. Tim’s along with Jason’s exe stopped working and now they were frozen in place. The most deadliest of Wayne’s is arguing about Winnie the motherfucking Pooh’s favorite color. Bruce has no words as Dick pulls out his phone to record the whole ordeal.

Legend has it that Damian never went home that day despite being excused from classes. When he had return home, his family never spoke to him, still in shock at what they just encountered. It wasn’t until a couple of months later that Damian had introduce the family to Marinette and all hell breaks loose. 

[young-justice-newbies]

Because it doesn’t look like it posted

Merry Christmas to my favorite Tim @thirdbirddown This will have taken place before she changed her name to Primrose

Rosalie hummed softly walking around Wayne Manor, it was a 3 day weekend at the schools, she was ecstatic that all four of her younger brothers would be home for Christmas this year. She'd informed them that she'd be sending illusions of the three boy wonder turned heroes to their new residence so they could be home the entire two days, the aforementioned two days was a month away and so everyone in the manor was doing what they could to get Tim to snort while laughing so they could reach their 'goal' of 200 dollars seeing as they were only 2 dollars off it'd be easy and they'd have roll over to start for the next year.

"Drake where's my hood?!?" Damian's voice rang out as he got ready for the nightly now family patrol, "you did the laundry you should know where the hell it is" the newest bird snapped from his room.

"Damian stop screaming" Rose groaned going to Damian's room where he was pulling on Robin's boot, "I saw it in the drier and put it on top of it" she told him as she shifted her organic Martian clothes into Nightingale's suit looking at the Boy Wonder as he ran to the laundry room.

Red Robin came jogging down the hall towards his sister pulling on his own hooded cape in the process, "I must've missed it when I grabbed everyone's uniform" he said softly as Nightingale helped him fasten it on.

"Everyone messes up Timbo don't worry" Nightingale soothed him as she got his cape to lay right, "it's also Damian who could stub his toe at home while you were on patrol and he'd blame you" she chuckled kissing his nose.

Red Robin chuckled softly at her comment, "it is" he laughed covering his mouth after he snorted hiding his face in her shoulder when she embraced him.

"Embrace your snort kiddo" Nightingale told her brother digging into his sides playfully smiling when he snorted loudly and laughed into her shoulder, "let's go on patrol" she smiled heading for the secret door with Damian on their heels.

"Alright as usual we're doing teams" Batman spoke as the five joined him in the cave, "Robin with me obviously, Red Robin will go with Nightingale and Red Hood will go with NightWing" he stated ignoring Jason's jab at Tim's hero name.

"Noted" Nightingale stated following Red Robin to his bike, "c'mon Timbo" she grinned as he got on surprisingly willing to let her drive.

Red Robin hummed softly laying against his sister as she drove them to their usual sector of Gotham leaving the bike behind Wayne Tower, "let's get scaling" he told her as they hid his bike.

"Up up and on the Tower" Nightingale joked lifting Red Robin before jumping into the air flying them to the top of Wayne Tower where they sat down to watch the skies, "and now we wait" she said casually as they sat down. "Hey wanna play a card game?"she asked her brother pulling a deck of cards out of the utility belt NightWing gave her, "Go-fish, Poker, war" she listed their usual games.

"How about Red or Black?" Red Robin asked, "or Odds or Evens" he suggested.

"Why not both?" Nightingale smiled, "odds or evens and Red or Black" she shuffled the deck getting ready to make this patrol more interesting. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey Tim I got a joke for you" Rose flashed up to her brothers side on Christmas eve night, "what is a Jedi's favorite Italian dessert?" she quirked a brow.

"Um… I don’t know?” Tim was confused by her sudden need to tell him a star wars joke. “Gelato? Sorbet? I don’t know.”

“Nope” she shook her head grinning intending to make a dollar before they went to sleep in Bruce's room, “Obi Wan Cannoli“ she informed him imitating Yoda flawlessly making a noise similar to the GameGrumps video.

Oh no that’s a good one,  Oh no he snorted laughing. Abort mission. Tim hated when he snorted but it seemed everyone in the manor loved hearing it, especially his sister.

"Aha funny Joke" Rose chuckled as Tim laughed snorting into his hand, "I love you Timbo" she doted on her little brother as she embraced him from behind. "You know we all love you so much" she pressed a kiss to his cheek blowing air against it making him laugh more, "I love how easy it is to get you laughing and that it continues on it's own even from a single word" she told him as he started calming down.

Jason had been passing the kitchen when he heard his brothers hysteric snort riddled laughter, "DOOKIE!" he crowed from outside the door just as as Tim's laughter died down.

Tim snorted loudly and cracked up laughing all over again, he didn't know why but something about the word 'dookie' always had him busting a gut.

"I got three you got one" Rose told Jason as Tim bent over laughing trying to catch his breath, "c'mon Timbo let's brush our teeth then get our sleeping bags" she smiled at him.

"Let's" Tim smiled at his sister and at Jason who was in the doorway laughing, "I'm tired from all of that laughing" he yawned leaning against his sister as she and Jason walked him to the nearest bathroom since they had toothbrushes in all of them.

"We'll sleep great" Rose smiled at Tim rubbing his stomach as they walked to bathroom, "love you boys" she told her brothers as they got their toothbrushes ready.

"We love you too Ro" Tim smiled at his sister before he started brushing his teeth, "you too but not as much" he jokingly told Jason with a mouthful of sudsy Tooth Paste.

"Geez Timbo thanks" Jason dipped his hand in the running faucet flicking water in his brothers face, "Rose don't start" he laughed when she got her hand ready.

"Than behave" Rose told her brothers as she started brushing her teeth, she rinsed and spit in the sink rinsing her brush.

"I am behaving" Tim pouted after spitting in the sink, "can I cuddle up to you" he asked her laughing when she embraced him rubbing his side softly.

"I'm not" Jason giggled rinsing his mouth out a few times, "I wil behave though since we'll be in Bruce's room" he reassured her.

"of course you can Timbo" Rose told her younger brother as they made their way to the camping closet for their bags since they'd been in the PJ's all day, "thanks JayBird" she smiled pulling Jason to her side where the trio approached Bruce's room with sleeping bags and pillows.

"Took you long enough Nichols" Damian grumbled as Rose entered setting up her sleeping bag at the foot of Bruce's bed with Tim's right next to her, "why're you over there?" he asked her before watching Tim unroll his sleeping bag and lay it next to her eventually curling up in it snuggled up to Rose.

"Tim's snuggling up to me this year Slick" she said a little apologetically as she held Tim, "you can lay on my other side" she held her free arm to the new boy wonder who 'begrudgingly' laid next to her.

"Night" Damian and Tim said at the same time, they stopped themselves from glaring at each other seeing as they always forced themselves to behave for Christmas especially if Rose was over.

"Thanks for not trying to kill Tim" she smiled at Damian as Stephanie and Barbara entered the room with their sleeping bags followed by Alfred with cocoa sometimes cocoa before bed didn't hurt even if you already brushed your teeth, "pretty sure everyone appreciates it" she chuckled.

"Hot chocolate anyone?" Alfred's slightly softer voice offered, he handed the mugs out sitting on the bed that pulled out of the loveseat in Bruce's room seeing as he wasn't one for sleeping on the floor.

"Thank you" the gratitude echoed around the room as everyone accepted their mugs and settled into their spots, they relaxed and sipped their drinks as Rose opened her laptop to a long video she had of fireplace sounds to they could enjoy the sound without making the room too hot with an actual fire and every human inhabitant of the manor in one room.

As mugs were emptied they were quietly placed on the thankfully tidy desk in the room, it didn't take long for the soothing crackling to lull the large group to sleep in groups of one to three at a time. Periodically throughout the night a kid would get up to use the bathroom or get water, rather than return to their sleeping bags some found their way to Bruce's bed and some found their way to Alfred's bed.

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Bruce woke up in the morning to the sensation of a foot digging into his side, looking down he found Damian, Rose and Tim laying on either of his sides with Damian's foot pressed against his side. He looked over at Alfred where Jason, Dick and the girls were cuddled up to Alfred who had an arm around each girl as the boys essentially boxed them in. Noting it was only 6:30 he figured it wouldn't hurt to let them sleep more, he found the stockings littering the room and smiled seeing a thick envelope in Tim's figuring Rose must've flashed around to gather them and of course fill them with her yearly 'hero' plush or in Alfred's case it was himself as a knitted plush toy.

Rose snuggled closer to her Gotham guardian while she held Tim to her heart, she stretched out a little feeling her feet bump against something and figured it had to be Titus with how fluffy it felt. She smiled feeling the way Tim burrowed deeper into her hold with his face hidden in her collarbone, the Fireplace video had been stopped and now warm Glee Christmas music played a little feature she'd asked Dick to set up for her so she could have her music transition for a nice wake-up call on Christmas morning.

"The lights on my tree I wish you could see I wish it ev'ry day Logs on the fire Fill me with desire To see you and to say"

The music filled the room as a soft hum of piano and singing, slowly Alfred was drawn out of his sleep and finally seemed to notice his 'grandkids' cuddled up close to him. He allowed a sleepy smile and sat up getting off of the bed from the end to avoid jostling the children, he let out a soft happy sigh at the music and went to start breakfast. "Young Miss I do hope I didn't wake you somehow" he said noting Rose trailing after him in the full body sock monkey pajamas she wore every Christmas, he smiled softly as she walked beside him on their way to the kitchen.

"You didn't wake me grandpa" Rose reassured Alfred as she followed him and started to set the table without using her speed, "I figured I'd help you prepare breakfast and set the turkey in the oven for dinner" her stomach growled under her pajamas.

Alfred allowed a chuckle as he washed his hands and insisted she do the same before gathering the ingredients and molds for chocolate chip pancakes, he smiled as Rose gathered the tray the Turkey would go in and started setting up the baste for it.

"Merry Christmas grandpa" Rose smiled at Alfred as she started to prepare the large Turkey she'd purchased for the family and may or may not plan to enlarge using a bit of magic once it was ready, she beamed when he pressed his lips to head as they started working on their own meal preparation.

"Merry Christmas Young Miss" Alfred smiled sweetly at Rosalie as she hung a mistletoe in the kitchen entryway, "for your brothers and Master Bruce I assume?" he chuckled to himself before returning to the pancakes.

Rose smiled softly working on basting the Turkey while she waited for the oven to be ready, she started to sing 'Welcome Christmas' from 'How the Grinch stole Christmas' as she started getting everything else ready while she waited for the smell to wake her Gotham family.

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After everyone had eaten breakfast and the dishwasher was loaded the family migrated from the dining room to the living room where the tree stood, they all sat down and Bruce handed out their stockings first knowing how important it was to Rose that Tim get the envelope first.

Everyone gathered around the tree accepting their stockings and dug in eagerly aside from Tim who was curious about the thick manila envelope on top the just had his name on it, everyone looked at Tim whose stocking had slipped from his grip after he opened the envelope.

"Who on earth got me $200?" Tim asked curiously tearing up, "seriously who did this" he looked around as Rose embraced him rubbing his back soothingly.

"That can be answered later Drake" Damian told Tim yelping when Rose man-handled him into her lap, he grumbled but stopped as the gifts were sorted and presented to the kids.

"Thank you" the kids thanked him, Rosalie sat Damian between herself and Dick before the kids turned their attention to their gifts once the camera was on its tripod.

"Youngest to oldest" Rose smiled tweaking Damian's neck with a few wiggly fingers making the 13 year old snort and swat her hand away before grabbing the first gift off of his pile one from her, "Merry Christmas you little Heathen" she smiled returning the boy to her lap watching him open the box set of Charles Dickens work.

"Thank you Nichols" Damian said softly eyeing the box set of books, he couldn't really hide the childish shimmer of excitement as he looked at the complete set.

Stephanie and Barbara each opened one beaming at the different make-up sets, Rose was bad at shopping for them so it was usually money or make-up.

Jason eyed Tim's pile grabbing one particular gift and handing it to him, he looked to Rose and bobbed his eyebrows.

"Eager much?" Tim quirked a brow at Jason looking at the gift from his brother, shrugging he tore into the wrapping unearthing the puzzle his brother bought him. "You did not, get me a Batman puzzle" Tim laughed looking at the puzzle box with the picture of Batman on it, "why?" he asked jokingly as he pulled his brother into a hug.

"Because that's hilarious" Jason laughed, "okay my turn" he grinned opening his gift and cracking up. "Rose!" he looked to his sister, "really?!" in his hands was a mug with 'worlds okayest son' written on it in curly Black handwriting.

"Yes really" Dick grinned at his brother, "now suck it up" he laughed grabbing his gift opening it. "This is beautiful Damian" he had grabbed a manila envelope off of his stack and opened it, "I can't get over how amazing you are" he smiled holding a sketch of himself and all of the others.

"You should get used to it Grayson" Damian smirked, he didn't put up much of a fuss when Rose settled him into her lap. "Your turn Nichols" Damian told Rosalie leaning against his sisters chest grabbing a gift and handing it to her, "this one" he grinned at her when she accepted it.

"Alright bud" Rose smiled sweetly taking the gift and unwrapping it, "Damian this is amazing, thank you" she hugged the boy pressing her lips to his cheek as she held the copy of Edgar Allan Poe stories and poems.

"I know you love Poe's work" Damian said casually as he rubbed his cheek where she'd kissed him, "father you next" he told the man of the house who had one of the largest piles out of everyone.

"Alright" Bruce chuckled eyeing his pile, seeing the word 'DICK' written on one he laughed and grabbed it while the kids hit Dick with pillows seeing as they'd brought their pillows down from his room. "Dick this is wonderful" he told his oldest 'son' as he held a framed photo of Batman and every Robin along with Nightingale and BatGirl all together, "I have the perfect place for this" he smiled looking at the photo framed beautifully in a Golden frame.

"Is it the one the commissioner took?" Stephanie asked Dick curiously looking at him, she smiled when he nodded.

"Alfred's turn" Rose cheered pulling a gift from behind the couch offering it to Alfred who smiled, "I hope you like this" she smiled at her 'grandfather' as he accepted the gift.

"That was very sweet of you Young Miss" Alfred smiled accepting the present and sitting beside Bruce to open it, "this is...amazing Rose" he said softly opening the box to reveal a clearly handmade Clock with many hands rather than 2 and instead of hours it had destinations. "Would you look at that" he said softly, "Home, 'a walk', work, school, club, Rose's house, Fort 1, Fort 2, Fort 3" he chuckled feeling his heart melt seeing Bruce, all 4 boys, and all 3 of the girls even himself on each hand.

"I saw a clock on FaceBook where you could sync the hands up to an app on someone's phone and GPS connects to it showing where they are on the hand" Rose smiled, "watch" she turned the clock on and every hand moved to 'home' since they all had the GPS on 24/7 so they could always find one another.

"This will give me a great sense of mind Rose" Alfred told her, "thank you, very much" he sat it on the couch and embraced the girl who wrapped her arms around his neck hiding her face in his collarbone a little teary eyed over how happy he was with the clock.

"Well back to the presents" Dick commented, "Damian's getting antsy and that's rare" he chuckled.

Everyone got comfortable in their seats and started opening their gifts once Alfred had sat down as well, soon the manor was filled with Christmas music and a symphony as shredding wrapping paper.