#I saw your post while I was scrolling through tumblr like the morning paper and had to put my 2 cents out there

[fowltempered]

Okay so I just woke up and have yet to have breakfast but I wanted to touch on the post I saw from @orangerosebush (sorry for the @ I just thought you might want to see this) regarding the thinly veiled tension between Angeline and Butler because boy do I have thoughts on that particular relationship in the series.

I think it’s worth noting that neither of these characters are wholly bad or wholly good. They’re both flawed people and that nuance is what makes them interesting.

For all of the protection and place to confide that Butler offers Artemis he is probably the boy’s number one enabler. He lets Artemis galivant across the world in search of creatures he’s not even sure exist, repeatedly put himself and others in danger -even going so far as to getting people killed because Butler does not feel like he is allowed to step in and put his foot down.

Even when he does put his foot down on something or offer up his opinion (something he rarely does) it’s framed in this weird sort of pleading manner: “Yes, Artemis. All is forgiven. Just one thing…”  “Yes?”  “Never again. Fairies are too…human.” Artemis Fowl, pg. 390

The fact of the matter is that no matter how he may feel about his charge, Artemis is his employer and that weird sort of dissonance is probably the only thing keeping Butler from plucking Artemis up like a kitten and placing him in a little box where he’d be easier to keep an eye on and protect. I think that he lets Artemis do these things partially because he wants Artemis to process his grief, but also because he just? Doesn’t feel like he can stop the boy despite being the adult in the situation. He’s been trained to protect in any situation, not to intervene when things get out of hand.

And then on the other side of this little coin you have Angeline. Sweet, ferocious mama bear Angline who has been more or less absent from Artemis’ life since the disappearance of his father. Arguably you could say she was absent from his life before then but we don’t really get a lot of exposition on Angeline as a mother before the absence of Fowl Sr. (Something I would kill for, Eoin, give me more Angeline content.) as I personally can’t imagine her to be particularly involved in Artemis’ life before she recovered from her…illness. She strikes me as one of those mothers who simply does not know how to handle a child like Artemis.

She is so ready to believe him when he lies to her because she wants to believe that her son is an upstanding young man who is not following in his father’s old footsteps as seen in TOD. Is she suspicious of him? Yes but she doesn’t do anything about it until TTP where the truth is fully revealed to her and she has no choice but to accept it. Then after that, she decides to take up more responsibility as his mother and try to put her foot down. Artemis listens, kind of, because he’s a mama’s boy wracked with the guilt of lying to her for so long but there’s still a weird sort of distance there.

It’s almost as if Artemis doesn’t really see her as his mother because of how little she’s been involved in his life. She doesn’t know  him, she hasn’t seen him grow up. She just sort of vaguely knows what’s happened to him over the course of the last four-ish (seven-ish? I have a hard time with the limbo bit) years thanks to Opal. (This isn’t to say he doesn’t love her, he obviously does, I just don’t think he sees her as the involved mother she wants to be seen as)

But Butler has been there. He’s been watching Artemis grow and develop into a much more selfless, honorable young man, and Angeline knows that Butler has been there and I think it’s safe to say that she…resents him? For that. This man, this employee has played a stronger role in her son’s development than she has and I think she feels guilty for that. I think she wants to step in and reclaim what she thinks is hers, and I think Butler is resistant to that because…well, I think he may feel she doesn’t have the right due to her absence. He more or less raised Artemis, despite that not being in his job description, He died for Artemis on multiple occasions, and still Artemis defers to his mother rather than to the man that’s been present. (Artemis does defer to Butler as well, just…not as immediately as he does to Angeline.)

And Angeline still only views him as an employee. In TAC we see how she refers to Artemis as Her boy, and that “Family is everything” without explicitly including Butler in that sentiment despite everything that he’s done for Artemis because Artemis is the closest thing he has to family outside of Juliet. Artemis is very much his impudent little brother that he’s been shoehorned into the position of caring for.

I think that the tension between them is very warranted and I wish we’d gotten a little more of it during the series because I think at the very least Butler deserves a chance to sit down and go “Hey, I’m part of this family whether you like it or not.” I think Artemis should step in and remind his mother that Butler is part of the family now -and sort of always has been.

I don’t really know how to end this or if my thoughts on it are even complete, there may be an addition to this later.

TL;DR: Butler and Angeline are the Eldest Child “Parent” / Actual Parent dynamic and it keeps me up at night.

[alecxaheart]

Someone's Someone | Bang Chan Oneshot (1)

✎ Genre : CEO AU, Soulmate AU, Fluff

✎ Pairings : Bang Chan X Reader

✎ Word Count : 3.5k words

✎ Synopsis : We all just wanna be someone's someone that we can't live without. At this time, Chan was looking for his. And unexpectedly, he was already tied down to someone.

✎ Warnings : Explicit Language

✎. . . I actually just played my songs on shuffle then Monsta X's Someone's Someone played so.. yeah, I'm inspired. Also, this is my first post in tumblr btw. :)

✎ Parts : 1 , 2

The relaxing sounds of nature enveloped him as a whole. His shoulders less tense and eyes closed as he sat on the cooled sand, facing the burning star and calm waters ahead. Seagulls could be heard in the distance as they caught themselves a dinner to eat. The refreshing cool wind hit his body, slightly making him shiver for a second. Waves, created by the sea and wind, kisses the shore repeatedly. For once, he was far away from worries, stress, fears and regrets. Just him, contented with the company of nature.

As he fluttered his eyes open, he was met with a stunning view of the sun meeting the ocean. The ocean reflecting the sun's visuals as well as the sky above it. Even though the reflection was blurry, it's still pleasing to the eye. Just perfectly imperfect.

However in his opinion, it wasn't stunning as it seems. This secret escapade paradise of his doesn't quite appeal to him yet. A missing piece that could be anywhere on this wide world. That thought kind of bothers him every time.

Sighing, he figured that it was time to go back. He slipped onto his slippers and headed out of his escapade paradise with a head hung low. Hopping on an enormous boulder that happened to break the wired fence and fixated there, having easier access to and from the place than climbing over the fence.

With a last glance towards his escapade, he knew he'll be coming back and that next time will be the scenery he's been looking for, hopefully.

Frustrated with the task at hand, Chan ran his fingers through his blonde locks as he leaned back on his chair and head facing upwards toward the ceiling. Taking a brief break from a whole 6 hours straight of writing and staring at the monitor. Followed by him grabbing his coffee and taking a sip, eyes boring on the monitor. He was just half finished with his paperworks at the time of nightfall, which made him more in distress and felt crammed.

His eyes then wandered around his office, landing onto the view of the opposite building of his company in the end. Where he could see the workers of the Marketing Department bidding their goodbyes to one another, closing the lights and exiting the room. Oh, how much he too wanted to leave and rest right at this moment. Although his belief of 'getting things done before going into slumber' is preventing him to do so (even though he already got a lot of things done). With a sigh, he faced back in front of his monitor and papers, determined to get everything done before tomorrow starts.

" Sunbae-nim, aren't you coming with us? We're having dinner at the Chicken & Barbecue restaurant just a block away from here. " Seungmin asked, grabbing his suitcase below his desk. You leaned back on your chair while stretching your cramping arms and a yawn escaping your mouth.

" As much as I want to, Seungmin, I can't, " You started, rubbing your temples to ease your aching head. " Because our new boss literally gave me 5 thick documents to finish before tomorrow morning without any mercy. And that's just bullshit. I don't even think I'm halfway through it! " Seungmin replied with a chuckle to your short rant, an amused expression written on his soft face. You were having another small mental breakdown as you stared at your unfinished pile of work, feeling your soul escape your body.

" I think you're overreacting. "

" Well, what if I am?! "

Laughing, Seungmin leans his side on your cubicle, looking over at your messy desk filled with sticky notes, papers and pens. " I don't think it's that much. You're lucky that your boss isn't here to hear any of your complaints, " He muttered as he took a peek at one of your documents. You scoffed, not my fault that I'm not as good as you.

" Hear what? "

Frantically, you immediately hide yourself behind your cubicle and pretend that you were focusing on your work. On the other hand, Seungmin casually brushed his navy blue coat with his palms and lifted himself off from the cubicle. Making it all seem like nothing happened.

" Oh, it's nothing, Ms. Ka- " Seungmin paused as he met the owner of the voice who wasn't the person they were expecting to be there. " M-Mr. Bang?! " He stuttered, eyes widened at the blonde headed CEO. Seeing in the corner of your eyes, Seungmin bowed ninety degrees at him as a sign of respect. Even with his heated glare on you, you continued your work like no CEO even entered. Thanks to your cute height, for sure you wouldn't be spotted.

" What are you doing here? Working hours are done. "

Seungmin stood straight and scratched the back of his head. Curiosity slowly arose in you as seconds passed - since you've never met a CEO called by your colleague as ' Mr. Bang ' - although as much as possible, you didn't let go out of hand and kept your focus on the documents silently. The least thing you wanted to happen to you right now is get caught by one of the company's CEO. " I was about to head out, Mr. Bang, " Finding an excuse, he pulled up his sleeve to check the time on his wristwatch. " Uhm.. Yeah, I'm late for dinner. Sorry, Mr. Bang, I have to leave right now. Have an great night! "

With a last bow to the CEO, Seungmin dashed his way out of the building, leaving you alone with your work. The blonde head noticed how the room was still lit up despite it being unoccupied, which he thought. Heading to the switches, everything around you darkened. The only source of light you had was the monitor, and Chan caught it in the corner of his eye.

" Is someone still there? " His voice, catching a bit of foreign accent with it, echoed in the hushed area.

Baffled as he approached that light with a few slow strides, you freaked out mentally. Swiftly but silently, you left your chair and hid yourself underneath the desk next to yours. As he neared your cubicle, you held your breath, slowly starting to feel lightheaded. You don't know what are the consequences if you get caught after working hours since you're still kind of new - got hired just 5 months ago. Dumb you overthink random shit first before even going to the thing called 'common sense' and the rules you heard just goes in one ear then out on the other.

The moment Chan was about to reach your cubicle and take a glance to his right, the sound of marimba playing a soft tune echoed in the room. Stopping in his tracks, he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket and grabbed it, swiping to the right to answer the call. You let out a hushed yet shaky sigh of relief, your shoulders less tense than a while ago. In your mind played a chant, thanking whoever was your savior.

Chan narrowed his eyes at the back of your cubicle while his phone is still pressed against his ear, listening to the person on the other line's complaints. " I'm on my way. Don't do anything stupid, " Not too soon you hear heels clacking against the polished marble tiles, the noise fainting as he left the room.

It took you a good couple of seconds to get out of your hiding spot (since you had to catch your breath and calm your heart down from the thrill), slightly shaking your whole body first before heading back to your seat and continuing your pile of work. Mentally groaning at yourself.

Oh. My. Gosh. These. Eyebags.

Is the first thing you thought as you looked at yourself in the mirror. The cause of it appearing badly because you obviously lacked sleep. All due to the time allotted for slumber was consumed by finishing your 5 thick documents that will be passed this morning. You could've cared less if today wasn't a work day, which fortunately for you it was still work day and these damn documents aren't gonna pass themselves to your boss this instant.

Fumbling around in your bag, you found your makeup kit and started fixing yourself. A little bit of touch ups here and there, just a little to look like it's still more natural than a lot to look like a plastic doll barbie.

Once satisfied, you smiled sweetly at yourself just to start your day nicely and exit your household. While walking on your way to the train station, incoherent mumbling leaves your mouth. A train of thoughts clouding you about your worries if you've left something important behind. In all honesty despite of your current good looks, you look stupid or crazy for talking to yourself in public. Well, at least you aren't as worse as someone yelling nonsense.

" I have all my files, identification card, phone, wallet, pocket knife 'cause anything could happen, keys- " you paused as soon as you misplaced your shoes at the edge of the last stair, falling forward. Luckily for you, you caught yourself and regained your balance. Wide eyed, you saw a kid, a giddy smile plastered on his face as he saw your commotion with a lollipop in hand. You felt embarrassed but laughed it off anyway, a light tint of pink decorating your cheeks.

You rushed towards the gates as soon as you realized the time with the card in between your fingers. Three beeps emitted from the machine when the gates opened after you placed the card on the scanner. With a few more strides, you caught up to your train ride as it was about to leave. You sighed in relief and sat down on a vacant bench, head automatically leaning back on the window. Your eyes boring at the ceiling while taking steady breaths after your short marathon on the way.

On the other hand, across you sat Chan. His right leg crossed over the other while scrolling through his phone. He wore a button up shirt, the first two still unbuttoned revealing more of his chest. His navy blue tie hung loose around his neck while his coat is still folded around his arm. His slacks were the same color as his tie and coat and wore black pointed shoes to finish the statement of his overall clothing. Blonde hair locks were scattered around his face but still managed to look stunning and attractive.

You haven't noticed his presence, so did he to you, and the fact that you both don't know each others' appearance even though you go to the same company just adds to the reason for you two's ignorance to one another's existence.

You got yourself to go back to slumber comfortably in your current position although you know when you wake up, you'll be greeted by your neck aching. Hopefully you don't miss your stop while gaining more sleep. The train swaying you lightly from time to time that you found quite relaxing, like a cradle rocking back and forth lightly to put a baby to sleep.

A child was running around the train with a joyful smile, giggling. He only stopped in his tracks when he reached in between you and Chan. His eyes glowed like there were stars decorated around his chocolate brown pupil when he eyed you two. Looking around, he spotted a roll of red thread underneath your bench and grabbed it. He thought it was just right.

With you being the closest, he starts to tie the thread around your pinky finger. You were too tired to even feel his small cold fingers run around your fingers nor the string tighten around it. Once done, he smiled to himself, his dimples appearing on either side of his cheeks and eyes forming into small crescents.

He left your side and skipped over in front of Chan, who was now too deep in thought as he gazed outside the window and his phone tucked in his pocket. Holding the other end of the thread, he wrapped it around Chan's thumb. Chan's body shook in surprise as he felt cold fingers ghosting above his hand and averted his attention to the child. He saw him knotting the red string tightly, strange that he barely even feels the string tightened around his thumb. " What are you doing? " he questioned although the child only responded with a bright smile, followed by a giggle.

The child turned and ran away from him, more giggles leaving his lips. Chan stood up and tried to chase him. But stopped as soon as he saw the child in the distance, dissolving into little particles in thin air and completely vanished in his sight. In disbelief, he rubbed his eyes and looked for the child around his area. Thinking that he was out of his mind, he sighed in defeat. There's no way anyone could do that in reality. It's either I'm insane or living in a fantasy or a chosen one blessed to see ghosts. Maybe, all of the above.

Chan looked down on his thumb, following where the other end lead to. Then, he spotted your sleeping beauty state, the other end attached to your pinky finger. With the sun rising in the horizon, a ray of gold-like light shines through the window, casting a shadow on you. And he thought you looked mesmerizing like that, peaceful and lovely. At least he wasn't tied up with a bitch or a hag.

Your eyes slowly fluttered open as the sun shined upon you. Squinting at its brightness, you raised a hand above your eyes to see more, only finding a red string wrapped around your pinky finger. You examined it, wondering what prank is anyone even planning and why did it have to involve you out of all people. Before anything stupid could happen, you attempted to loose the knot, ignoring the curiosity for a while of where the other end was. Looping and tugging it, even tried to chomp on it with your teeth, but all attempts failed. Well, that's until you gave up, untying it was impossible, unbelievably there's a knot that couldn't be untied. Sounded like marriage when you think about it, but there's the annulment and divorce ruining the picture.

Tearing your gaze at the string, you caught a pair of bewitching dark brown eyes staring back at you. In that particular moment, everything just froze in place. Time has stopped just for the two of you, you thought.

You felt your heart melting, probably from the warmth emitting in your body or from the warmth his eyes give off as you saw little sparks decorating the pupil. Unfamiliar light feathers tickling the insides of your stomach is what you felt other than the heat and that thawing heart of yours. Your mind knew it well that you shouldn't feel this way towards someone who you just met but your body and heart reacted so differently. There's just something about him that made you feel so exposed and vulnerable in his eyes that you couldn't come up with a possible answer to your 'why's.

Both of you didn't notice how seconds turned into minutes, too lost into one another's orbs. That was until the train stopped, causing Chan to break the eye contact and lose his balance. Before his hands made contact on the metal floor, he took a step forward in order to regain his balance which he successfully did. A small chuckle left your lips, eyes turning into crescents as you saw the commotion. He narrowed his eyes at you as the train was back in motion.

Chan fixed his clothes first before asking, " Who are you? ". Grabbing the pole next to him to prevent him from falling again on the next stop.

" Shouldn't I be asking you that as well? " You replied with a gummy smile, which quickly faded when you remembered what's the problem.

" What is this on my finger and why is it connected to yours? What kind of trickery is anyone pulling? Why am I involved in this? " You kept firing questions at him while he stayed there unbothered. Unlike you who did some more attempts to remove the thread, silly you even tried aggressively shaking your hand in hopes of making it a little loose. But no prevail happened once again.

" Just get rid of it. I didn't want this too, you know. " Chan taps his foot impatiently as he eyed your useless attempts.

" I am trying! " You exaggerated. Deciding to bring out the best tool you have for the situation in hand, your hands fumbling in your bag. Once you felt the cool metal on your fingertips, you brought it out and flipped it open.

Chan's eyes widened at the sight of the pocket knife in your palms. " You carry that on a daily basis? Are you insane? "

You rolled your eyes in annoyance. " It's not insane when it's used for self-defense purposes. I'm too nice to be the murderer you're assuming, " You replied, head throbbing as things aren't going well with the charming blonde.

He responded just before the blade and thread were in contact, starting with a scoff. " Yeah sure, nice. Anyone can wear that façade anywhere. "

" You know what, " You started as you withdrew the pocket knife back and glared at him afterwards, pissed off. " You deal with this shit yourself, I'm done with my part and I could care less about this red thread anyway. You look like you don't need any of my help 'cause you look fancier than me and it seems like you're not taking any gratitude towards my kindness. Damn these crazy rich people. " You threw the tool towards his direction and looked away from him, arms crossed. Chan instinctively caught it without getting any cuts despite the fact it's closed, his eyes burning through your figure in fury.

" If I actually got wounded instead from your little stunt, I would've sued you this instant, " He growled, only to be ignored by you.

Irritated by your sudden change of attitude, Chan flipped it open and skillfully ran the blade through the string. Only for it to just fall through like the string never existed, ghost-like perhaps. " It's not cutting, what the hell, " Chan muttered under his breath as he tried a few more times again.

"It's just a string, how could a- " You spoke as you turned your head back to his direction, only to be cutted off as you witnessed the unusual. Mouth a little bit agape in disbelief. The thread didn't fall apart even while the blade was just sitting in between of it on air. Maybe that explains why you could barely even feel the thread wrapped securely around your finger. You could tell that this stunning blonde head was just as puzzled as you were.

" Sir, if you're having any problems that includes this woman, we can sort it out. Just withdraw the knife first please, " a man suddenly blurted out, his voice a little bit shaky. That's when you realized the commotion you both have caused, everyone around you two took steps back away. All had fear in their eyes.

" Wait, you don't see the thread we're trying to cut? " Chan questioned, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. At that, he was more misunderstood.

" There's no thread..? " With that, it got the two of us surprised. Is the crazy one here them, who couldn't see this string, or us, who could?

Chan tried to explain our situation thoroughly but when he was about to speak up, out of the blue, a voice spoke in the speakers. " Please mind the gap, " You immediately grabbed his arm, carried his belongings and dragged him out of the train. Leaving its passengers confused as they eyed us. They might be thinking that you two are idiots.

The doors just shut a second later when you two got out. You felt a bit suffocated for an unknown reason, your hand reaching for your chest where you could feel your heart beating. Panting, you shoved Chan's belongings into his chest. " Are you alright? " He asked as he tried to place a hand on your back, the least thing he could do to comfort you.

But his hand only stopped in mid-air when you took your last deep breath, replying. " Let's just part ways here, " Saying those words felt a bit disheartening at some point, yet you chose to disregard it.

You walked forwards, while Chan stayed in his position, wearing his coat and fixing his tie. Although, something stopped you. As in you couldn't go forwards as much as you force to. Well when you did force yourself, it only tugged Chan towards you. Turning around, he was already eyeing you. " What was that for?! "

Glaring at the thread, you thought out loud, " Is this string telling me, it can only stretch itself approximately at 7 meters?! "

Continue

[k3rm1e]

tubbo x reader (platonic ofc!!) with literally anything your brilliant mind comes up with cause of bored and just scrolling through tumblr also stay hydrated love you - 🥀 𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙣 <3

cemetery

tubbo x reader (platonic ofc!!) with literally anything your brilliant mind comes up with cause of bored and just scrolling through tumblr also stay hydrated love you - 🥀 𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙣 <3

hello 🥀 anon! you said to just do whatever, so i just did something inspired by the cemetery where my friends and i hangout sometimes (not disrespectfully lol, there's a field in the back we chill in) so here’s this! <3

cw: cursing 

cemetery:

  “grmmmmmm…” tubbo flopped face-first onto his bed as you laid next to him and played on your phone.

  unconsciously, you moved your hand to run it through his hair. “what’s wrong tubbo?”.

  he made another grumble noise before turning his head to look at you, blowing out air that pushed his hair away. “apparently, according to mother dearest, ‘i don’t go outside enough’ and i’m gonna be a paper sheet by the summertime. so mum has now forced me to go outside. in the world. with people. save me.”.

  you laughed at his dramatics, chuckling. “y’know, going outside doesn’t inherently mean we’ll be near people. there are many less populated areas.”.

  “oh yeah? where?” tubbo sat up, knocking your hand out of his hair, causing you to look at him.

  “uh, the cemetery? there’s a little field, right at the back. some guy from down the road always brings his dog ‘round there.”.

  tubbo looked appalled at this. “the cemetery? with all the ghosties? no thank you. i would like to stay unpossessed, thank you very much.”.

  “oh, be real tubs, no ‘ghosts’ are gonna possess you. the creepiest thing there is the groundskeeper who just wants to make sure kids aren’t causing any trouble, leaving rubbish ‘round n’ shit. the only other person we’ll see there is probably old man dave, and he just sits there to clean up after the younger kids and sing to the birds.”.

  “yeah, but ghostssssss” tubbo turned his head, to once again submerge his face in the bed.

  you picked his head up by his hair and bent down, to look at him in the eyes. “look, we’ll go early tomorrow and we can eat lunch there. have a little picnic.”.

  later, you went back to your house and went to sleep. in the morning, tubbo and you met up and went to the market.

  “it’s too earlyyyyy.” tubbo was bundled in a hoodie, hiding his face from the rays of the morning sun.

  “no, it’s not. if you had a proper sleep schedule, you would be up by this time anyways. now, what do you want to eat?”. you stared at him and shoved the shopping basket in his hand, figuring he could be used to carry the basket while you decided what to get.

  the two of you walked throughout the store. continuously, you pointed out healthier foods like apples and carrots, but tubbo was insistent on only getting sugary stuff, claiming that “i am already in enough pain, vegetables will kill me”, which resulted in there being many small cakes and pastries with the basket. you had left the market and went on your way to the cemetery.

  “why the hell are we at a children’s park??” tubbo stared at the kids climbing on the monkey bars, questioning your sanity.

  “ugh, follow me.” you took him by the hand and led him to the train tracks. you walked down the tracks a small bit, before turning into the direction of the ditch.

  “why are we going in a ditch??” tubbo was extremely confused, not understanding where you were taking him.

  “shut up, man and just follow me.” you took him right next to the ditch, revealing there was a wooden plank crossing over the dirt. stepping over it, you had to lean down as to not to get hit in the face by tree branches. at the end of the plank, you could see the land that led to the field. 

  right where you got to the ground, there was a whole piece of fence missing you could cross through to. on the other side were several tree stumps that appeared to be used as seats. in the middle of the circle, it looked like something had been burnt to make the dirt much darker. there were trees in the surrounding area, and farther back was the field you mentioned yesterday.

  “is this illegal? why is the fence missing?” he stared blank-faced at the empty space.

  “no... at least i don’t think so?” you had never really questioned it, you only heard about the way in from your other friends who hung out here. “i mean, if it was illegal the groundskeeper would have already kicked me out sooooo….”.

  walking in, you jumped up to swing on the metal cylinder part of the fence above you. hoping over the tree stumps, you grabbed tubbo’s hand and ran over to where the large part of the field was. right behind it there was a large pile of sticks.

  the pile was very large, and was in a pit. there was not just sticks, but also dirt and trash kids threw in there. “why is there a large pile of sticks???”.

  “how should i know, tubbo! i don’t run this cemetery!” you flopped down on the grass, pulling food out of your basket.

  tubbo reluctantly sat down, giving up on asking questions. in the spring sun you guys ate your food, juice gushing out of the fruit you had managed to get without tubbo noticing.

  “ugh, did you seriously bring healthy food? we already have to be outside, and you have the audacity to be healthy?” tubbo stared at you with a judgmental, disgusted face. bitch.

  “yes, actually. i may be a social recluse who doesn’t talk to anyone in real life besides you and your sisters, but i atleast care about my health. i’m not gonna go out from a heart attack, like an old man.” you kept eating, giving tubbo the same look he was giving you. 

  you continued eating, making jokes and pretending to beat each other up. once you had finished eating, you moved over to where the tree stump-like seats were. you pushed the wood seat over to the tree, in front of the branch that reached sideways and across the top of the fence. standing on the wood, you hopped up and sat on the tree branch, pulling tubbo up with you.

  “wow, sitting on a tree branch. the height of luxury.” tubbo laughed at you, and your taste in spaces.

  “oh, shut up, mate. i could’ve taken you to a place full of loud and annoying people. would you have preferred that?” you looked at him, smug.

  he sighed. “no, i would not prefer that.”.

  “good.”.

  you kept talking, basking in the light passing through the branches at the top of the tree.

  tubbo spoke up, “y’know, for a plan you made, this didn’t entirely suck.”.

  “fuck you.” and you pushed him off the branch.

i promise i am a good writer with a posting schedule, i swear- 

yeah, i planned to post this two days ago, i am just a disaster

but yeah, i hope you guys liked this. this is, in fact a real cemetery near me. the old guy does have a name, but i don’t remember it, he likes to sing a song while he smokes his pot (its for medical reasons, he has cancer) and he actually is a total feminist who fought in vietnam! i don't really know him and only saw him the one time, but he was really nice to my friends and i. and yes, i did fall off the tree tubbo and reader were sitting on once.  it hurt. 

[simpsiren]

sticky notes: the story

mark lee x reader

introduction 

main masterlist

description. you use sticky notes to get into contact with your soulmate.

genre. soulmate au, high school au, strangers to lovers au

warnings. nonee

a/n. so some people requested for a full story of this so here it is! i really liked making this because the concept is just so cute cudndn oh and i did include the same idea as what i did in my previous post but i had to change it a little so that it would fit the plot. this is a really really long ff since its a slow burn typa thing so please try to stick with me on this one HAHA anyways enjoyy! :D

“you actually believe that?”

you lift your head up from your notes to look at soyoung. she nods her head and hum eagerly. you rub your temples from seeing her respond. “i do believe soulmates exist. but sticky notes to talk to them? what’s social media for then? and how is it even scientifically possible?” you question soyoung, bringing your eyes down as you continue to do your homework.

“that’s the beauty of soulmates, ray!” soyoung whines. you shake your head. “you’re dumb to believe it without confirming the information with other relevant sources.” you mutter out bluntly. you hear soyoung letting out a ‘tsk’. “here you go again being a history student. i swear im glad i never took it.” you scoff and slam your pen on the table gently.

“excuse me, woman! at least i dont have to memorise the whole textbook and only having 5 pages of content coming out in the exam.” you stick your tongue out playfully to tease soyoung. “i cant get over the fact that valcanos didn’t come out eventhough i memorised so much for it.”

the both of you laugh, knowing that the two of you can never stop debating on whether history or geography is the better subject.

“ray complete your homework at home. we cant stay in the classroom for long you know?” soyoung stands up to get to her seat, which is 2 rows down yours since you were sitting right at the back. you liked sitting at the back. it allowed you to always be able to use your phone in case you get bored in class. you still cant believe that your teachers think you’re a good and obedient student. you figured they only assumed that due to your high grades.

you sigh “that’s true.” you turn around to grab your back that was hanging in your chair and start packing your materials. once you were done, you grab the class key and walk over to soyoung’s seat, waiting for her to finish packing. you notice soyoung has finish packing and went to switch off the lights. you allow soyoung to step out first before you close the door behind you and lock the classroom door.

you and soyoung walked down the hallway silently, you were looking out the window to watch the sunset while soyoung had her eyes on her feet. only your footsteps could be heard as almost everyone has left the school grounds except for some teachers who were working late. the school normally closes at 7pm and you’re walking out at 6:50. to break the silence, soyoung opens her mouth to start a conversation.

“okay if you dont believe me why dont you try it yourself? like write a simple introduction to your soulmate.” you raise an eyebrow as you shove your hands into the front pockets of your mom jeans. “why dont you do it?” you fought back as you huff. soyoung bites the inside of her cheek as a moment of silence passes for her to think of an answer.

“because i believe it. and you do not. so you should try it.” you smacked soyoung’s arm, making her flinch back and shouting a loud ‘ouch’. you roll your eyes, knowing you didn’t hit her hard and she was just overreacting. “brilliant excuse,so. but if its going to make you stop talking about it, i might as well.” soyoung face lit up as she jumps happily and starts skipping ahead of you. you laugh and pull the handle at back of her bag to keep her explosion of excitement to the minimum.

“you owe me brown sugar milk tea. large.” you taunted. soyoung waves her hand lazily. “i’ll buy you one after school tomorrow. but you better update me during math.”

you wanted to say how you could just text soyoung to update her, but you remembered the fact that soyoung’s mother took away her phone since she didn’t do well for this year’s midterms. although to you, soyoung’s grades were decent. unfortunately for her, soyoung has to live up to her asian mom’s high expectations. the thought of this made you want to frown, but you showed a bright smile regardless as the two of you finally made it to the school gate, waving to each other and bidding farewell before walking down opposite paths.

once you arrived at home, you took out your phone from your back pocket. you saw a notification from your mother saying that your parents would be home late. you shrug your shoulders as you walk to your room. “as always.” you breathed out.

you did your normal routine of showering and eating leftover dinner that you needed to heat up at the couch while you completed one episode of the anime series you were so hooked on. you continue watching but with the amount of homework you have, you might finish them all by midnight if you dont slack.

you turned off the tv and washed your plate before heading into your room. as you close the door behind you, your eyes immediately went to your desk, which was pretty messed up since you had a test to study for yesterday that you completely weren’t prepared for and had to squeeze in as much information as you can. hence, the scattering of notes and textbooks.

you stroll over to your desk and sat down. you take out your homework from your back which was beside the desk. looking at the stack of homework, you groan in despair as shove it to the back of the desk till it hit the wall. “ah fuck it! im just going to ask kun for help.” you admitted your defeat depsite thinking you would be able to gain some energy from your dinner. you also thought about how you’ve done your homework in the morning plenty of time so i shouldnt be a problem unless kun doesn’t offer his help.

you jump to your bed and lay down, bringing your phone out and immediately start scrolling through instagram. as you swiped your finger up to look at the posts of the people you follow, you stop at one. a picture of a couple who met through the sticky note theory. or so they claim. your thumbs hover over the screen as your eyes look up to the ceiling, starting to remember what soyoung asked to do to get your bubble tea.

yoy tap your index finger on the side of your phone as you constantly started to think whether you should do it or not. you’ve heard the rumours. but are they even true? the more you thought about it, the more intriguing the idea got. but at the same time, you also thought of how stupid it sounded and was probably made to fool people.

after contemplating and having in a debate in your head that felt like forever, you finally place your phone down beside you and take a deep breath. “ill do it.” you groan to yourself, letting curiosity take over your other feelings.

you gather up your strength to stand up from your bed and walk over to your desk. you push all the papers and textbooks aside, grabbing a yellow sticky notepad from your stationery organiser. you had other colours too like pink and purple, but you figured that you should go with the classic.

pulling out a random pen that was laying in between the pages of one of your textbooks, you tilt your head to the side as you start thinking of what to write, unconsciously biting the end of your pen in the process.

you bite the side of your cheek and shrug, deciding to go with the plan of writing whatever that comes to your mind.

um hi? i dont even know if you’re going to see this. its funny, really. i heard a rumour that you can communicate with your soulmate through sticky notes. it’s probably just fake news and im writing to a nobody. that would honestly be embarrassing but it’ll be like love letters.. to myself(?) or my soulmate. write back? haha

you read over what you wrote an endless amount of times, thinking if you should make changes. you groan and immediately stick the sticky note onto your wall, giving up on giving second thoughts about what you call this ridiculousness.

you went about your night, forgetting you have left the sticky note on the wall. as you were on you bed scrolling through tumblr at 2 in the morning, you hear something. it sounded like a piece of paper had fallen from your desk.

unable to see in complete darkness, you turn on the flashlight from your phone and walk around your room, trying to find whatever it is that fell. it didn’t take you long to find a small yellow sticky note that you accidentally stepped on.

you pick it up, remembering that you wrote on the sticky note and thought that it was yours. however, once you were able to get a closer look, you noticed that the words on the sticky note have changed. so has the handwriting.

holy shit. i dont know what is this. but apparently a sticky note appeared on my wall saying i have a soulmate. my friends told me i should write back because of some rumour. so here i am trying. hi im mark. i dont know your name, but hope you’ll tell me once you recieve this. you’re in luck because apparently the rumour is true. im just as crepped out as you are.

you froze in your spot. your fingers shaking as you read the note again. you scratch your head. being too tired and unable to think straight at 2 in the morning, you place the sticky note on your desk and went back to bed to play with your phone. you soon forget about the fact that your soulmate has replied to your message that you have written on your sticky note.

as you got ready for the next period which was math, soyoung immediately runs over to you, dragging the chair from the desk beside you and taking a seat. you flinch a little when you suddenly see her close to you. 

“so did you try it?!” soyoung asks, her voice filled with enthusiasm . you brushed a few pieces of hair behind your ear, nodding your head as you take out your textbook from under the desk. “did you get a reply then?” 

your mind started to take you back to the mysterious encounter that you had last night. “mhm.” you reply simply. “though the only thing i remember because it seems to be the only relevant information is that the person’s name is mark.” soyoung gasped loudly, making you crease your forehead as you watch her overreacting again. 

“your soulmate’s name is mark then.” soyoung concludes, folding her arms confidently as if she made a great discovery. you laugh, rolling your eyes sarcastically. “isnt it obvious?” soyoung frowns fakely. 

your mouth gapes open as you hit soyoung’s arm lightly. “buy me my milk tea!” you demanded with a wide smile. soyoung places her notebook on your table and nods constantly. “i will you addict.” she groans. you happily say thank you as your teacher comes into the classroom and class began. 

“what are you going to do about it now though?” as you recieved the question from soyoung, you kept silent for a moment, giving time to think of an answer.

 “ill write something back? i dont know.. ill have to read the letter again when i get back home.” you whispe to soyoung. she nods in reply as the two of you payed your attention to the front again. it surprised you that soyoung was paying attention but you only assumed that she wanted to do better in class and shrug your shouders, writing down the notes youve missed while talking to soyoung.

as for you, your concentration in class dipped slightly because now, the thing that is occupying your head the most is the thought that the sticky notes theory might actually be real and you cant say its not possible anymore, making you even more shocked than you did last night.

lucky for you, today is the only day of the week where your class ends the earliest, along with two other lower ranked classes. you and soyoung quickly pack up to go to the mall to get your reward. after soyoung buys you your drink, you and soyoung went your separate ways.

after about 30 minutes of taking the bus and walking, you finally arrived at home. you place your drink on the living room table and proceed to place your bag in the room and head for the showers.

once you were done showering, you walk out of the bathroom to head to your room while drying your hair with a small towel. opening the door, you enter and went straight to your clothing rack. just when you were about to grab a shirt from the hanger, you heard the same noise last night. another piece of paper has fallen on the floor.

you turn your head and look down. this time, you found another sticky note right in front of your feet. the colour of the sticky note changed from yellow to a light blue. you tilt your head as you pick up the stick note from the floor, finding it odd as you wonder how the colour of the sticky note changed.

you take a deep breath before reading it, noticing that the handwriting was similar to the one you read last night. a little messier, but still readable.

hi again.. im not sure if you’ll recieve this since its the afternoon and i know people are busy with work or school. i skipped school today so haha. um i just wanted to write to you, despite me not knowing a single thing about you. its odd really. its like i feel the need to write something to an unknown identity that people assume to be my soulmate. i still dont know your name, so i hope youll reply soon. take your time and take care :)

- mark

“skip school? what is he, a bad boy?” you scoff to yourself. you try to take in whatever’s on the note, but another thought comes to mind. you walk over to your desk and saw that the yellow sticky note with mark’s reply was still there. you find everything about this weird and just odd in general. a lot of questions sprouted, but you didn’t want to think of it since you were afraid you would complicate your thoughts and just throw yourself into a stress hole.

you continue to dry your hair with one hand while the other held onto the light blue sticky note. you bit your lip and gulp. after letting out a long sigh, you place the sticky note next to the other one and changed into your clothes, as well as bringing your drink from the living room table to your room, placing it on the desk as you sat down.

you take out your pencilcase from your bag and brought out your fresh new black pen that you just bought at the school’s stationery store. the previous pen you had was full of ink till soyoung was dumb enough to drop it, spoiling the pen and was unable to be used again.

peeling off another yellow stick note from the stack at the edge of your desk, you were about to put your pen on paper when you realise you dont even know what to write. what do you say to this person you barely know about? you continuously tap the edge of the pen against your desk as you take a sip of your drink. you look over to the two sticky notes with the messages that the person has left. its funny how you have to think so hard just to write a short message.

hey again. i actually ended school early today. my name’s raven. but my friends call me ray. i honestly don’t know what to say to you. im still dumbfounded over the fact that you’re my soulmate and we’re here communicating over sticky notes. the world really does work in a strange way. if you dont mind, i guess i want to know how old you are and you’re education status?

you held out the sticky note in front of you and sigh in satisfaction. why? it’s because of your neat handwriting. it was always a trait of yours that you deeply appreciate. you place the sticky note on the wall and advert your attention to the other sticky notes, placing them on the wall beside the new one you have just written.

“will this drive me insane? i might end up with a whole wall of this.” you say to yourself, rubbing your face with your palm before going to your bed and laying down, wanting to have your evening nap.

“this is awesome!”

“no its scary.”

mark and his group of friends stared at the sticky note that has a message written with beautiful handwriting. mark flinched when he felt an arm on his shoulder, turning around to notice it was chenle’s. “when did you write your previous sticky note?” renjun suddenly asked. mark tilts his head as he tried to find an answer.

“less than an hour before you guys came i guess?” mark shrugs, standing up from his desk and taking a seat at the edge of the bed beside jaemin and haechan. “this raven girl is your soulmate then.” chenle walks towards mark and stands in front of him. mark nods slowly. the room grew silent again with everyone having the similar thoughts.

“you know what would be funny?” haechan smacks mark’s thigh, the sound making everyone turn their attention to mark and haechan. “what?” mark asked with a sigh, running a hand through his hair.

“why dont we prank her and say you’re a sugar daddy and live in a mansion?!” everyone gave yuta weird looks, making haechan laugh hysterically. “are you crazy? do you think i want to chase my soulmate away?” mark scolded haechan, smacking him hard on the chest, resulting in haechan’s back falling onto the bed.

“you’re always asking for a beating i swear.” renjun comments, walking towards haechan and balling his hand into a fist and acting as if he was about to attack. jaemin laughs to try and calm them down. “kids let’s not fight.” jaemin announced, looking over to jeno only to find him standing there watching quietly.

“go ahead, mark. you should write something. we cant keep her waiting.” jeno finally spoke up, grabbing the sticky notepad and a random pen from mark’s table and passing it over to him.

mark stared at the blank paper while the others were talking about what to have for dinner. it didn’t take him long to decide what to write. when mark starts writing and began to be in full concentration, everyone crowds around him to see what he’s writing.

sup raven! i wont call you ray since we aren’t friends yet. im still shocked. like the possibility of things like this being possible is just another possibility that can possibly happen. but anyways, to answer you question, im a high schooler from dream high. im in my third year. its kind of awkward for me while im writing this since my friends are reading every word im taking down. i guess i should ask you the same question back then. hope to hear from you soon.

“will you guys stop being nosy?” mark groans, standing up and pasting the sticky note on his wall, along with the other sticky notes he received from you. “you didn’t have to say that we’re here.” haechan retorts. mark rolls his eyes. “jesus..” mark mutters under his breathe. “anyways, yall are paying for dinner since you guys bribed me to write back.” mark sticks his tongue out playfully and runs out to the living room. everyone follows suit.. except for jeno.

jeno slowly walks towards the wall and leans forward to get a closer look of the sticky notes, specifically the two others beside the new one that mark just wrote. “raven? why does that sound so familiar? the handwriting...” jeno brings his finger up and lightly hovers them over the uniquely written words. it looked like calligraphy, and retro looking. jeno felt as though he had seen it before somewhere, or knew someone who wrote like that.

jeno snapped out of his deep thoughts when jaemin called out to him, making him walk towards the door and glancing at the sticky notes once more before joining the others in the living room.

you were currently video calling your friends when you heard the crackling of a piece of paper. of course you knew what that meant. you peered down the the floor from your bed and reached your hand out to pick up the sticky note. “ray?” doyoung called out to you when he noticed your face wasnt on screen. you lay back down on the floor and brought your phone up to show your face.

“what was that sound earlier?” lucas asked, currently sounding hyper. “the mysterious mark sent me another sticky note.” you reply sarcastically, waving the sticky note to the camera to let everyone look at it. everyone nodded their heads at the some time, some letting out a long ‘ah’ as well. “read it out loud!” yuta shouted.

“the fuck no!” you shouted back. you stared at the sticky note, but didn’t bother to read it. you thought of doing that once you’re done video calling them.

“how was today for you guys?” you asked, wanting to know how they’re doing.

“its tiring! we had dance practice, then we have to do recordings for our new albums. we barely get any sleep.” ten whines, his tone filled with stress. you laugh loudly. it made everyone frown and pout. you sigh. “pursuing your NCT world domination is never easy.” you commented, highlighting the word ‘world domination’ with a change of tone.

everyone lets out a long sigh and started to complain one by one, making the whole video call chaotic for almost 10 minutes. you could only smile and shake your head.

after about an hour or so of talking about basically everything and catching up with each other, everyone decided that they should end the call here since it was beginning to get dark and they needed to start practice soon. you bid your goodbye to them once more and ended the call.

you now adverted your attention to the sticky note. reading the letter, you raise both eyebrows. “dream high? that’s not far from here..” you mumbled to yourself. you started to think about everything you know about dream high. you know it’s was about an hour’s journey from where you live. it wasnt really well known either. the overall vibe of the school was mediocre.

however, you felt like you were missing something. something about that school is somehow related to you. you just couldn’t think of an answer despite squeezing all thoughts that you have in your brain. you groan and stood up from your bed and to your desk, proceeding to wanting to write a reply to mark.

hey. sorry if you get this quite late. i was busy video calling my friends. to answer your question, im a third year as well from jookin high. i would ask for your number so we dont have to do this all the time but my friend would scold me saying “but you’re removing the fun out of it.” but anyways, mark aka my soulmate, tell me about yourself, to start off.

you stick the note onto the wall, looking at the row of messages you’ve had recieved so far. you found it weird how the first time you’ve sent the note and got a reply back, it was on the same sticky note, just different handwriting. but you had to write on a new sticky note to send a new message only to get the same sticky note with a different message in return.

you only see his answers lined up on your wall. you started to wonder how this mark guy looked like. is he good looking? what are his hobbies? his attitude towards school? you really wished you could just text him through instagram and not have to go through all this trouble. but that option would earn you a large smack on the back by soyoung and your really didn’t want that.

“do we really need to be here now? like now?!”soyoung whined, while pushing the cart and following behind you while you tossed some packets of frozen bacon. you stopped walking and turn around, nodding your head intensely. soyoung groans and took out her phone, proceeding to use it while still pushing the cart.

you walk around the supermarket, trying to find the ingredients listed on your notes in your phone. it was the weekends and you’re parents were going to be away for a business trip for a week so you thought of inviting soyoung over and making home cooked meals as a bonding session for you two.

after about 30 minutes of gathering the ingredients and having soyoung constantly screaming and fangirling over tiktok edits of jaehyun from NCT. one note: she has yet to know that you know them and that they’re your friends. you figured that it would be best to not let anyone know so as to avoid any situation that would put your friends in a tight spot, since well they’re idols, you were looking for one last item that you had trouble finding.

“soyoung help me! stop watching tiktoks!” you groan, snatching soyoung’s phone away and shoving it in her back pocket. soyoung rolls her eyes lazily and the two of you proceeded to scan the different isles and shelves, looking over every item.

while you were too concentrated looking at the bottom shelves, you felt that you have bumped into someone. you squat down, letting out a soft ‘ouch’ before standing up and looking to see who you bumped into.

“wait. jaemin?” you furrow your eyebrows as you tilt your head, pointing your finger at the guy in front of you. “raven!” you noticed that it was jaemin after all, and both your faces lit up and the same time, grinning widely at each other.

“uhhh..” soyoung says out loud, you and jaemin turn your heads to face soyoung who was behind you. “oh! this is jaemin. we used to be neighbourhood friends before he moved out 4 years ago.” you introduced jaemin to soyoung. jaemin nodded and gave her a bright smile. soyoung only shrugged her shoulders and took out her phone. you turn your attention back to jaemin.

“why are you even here? dont you live quite far?” you ask, your fingers interlocked behind your back. jaemin nods, running a hand through his hair.

“well yes. but we came here to find something that only this supermarket sells.” jaemin replied back, his warm smile never leaving his lips. you smile, reached your hand out to ruffle his hair, laughing softly afterwards. “we? who’re you with?” you stared at jaemin with eyes of suspicion. jaemin started pinching your cheeks, making you whine and begging him to let go.

“with my friend, ray chill. im still single.” jaemin pulled away and folded his arms, pouting. “im sure you’ll find one soon.” you reached out to ruffle his hair and give off a wide smile.

while you and jaemin were catching up and being in your own world, soyoung got too bored of watching the two of you and decided to walk around the supermarket, leaving the cart behind you.

just as she was looking at the drinks isle to get her favourite sweet drink, she sees someone picking up a bunch of bottles one by one and placing them back on the shelve. out of kindness, she decided to help, picking up a bottle and placing it on fhe shelve before looking up to face the guy, who had a straight face while looking at her.

“i was just trying to help. im soyoung.” soyoung smiled, reaching her hand out and waiting for thr guy to greet back. he looked at her but doesn’t respond, proceeding to pick up the last bottle that was seen on the floor. “im jeno.” jeno stands up and nods his head to greet soyoung. soyoung nods back, walking down the isle to grab her drink from the shelve. “have a nice day.” soyoung says before leaving the isle and disappearing out of jeno’s sight. he only shrugged in response and went to do his own thing.

“you met who?!” haechan asks as he takes a sip of his ice cold water. everyone had their heads turned to jaemin, who raised an eyebrow at everyone’s weird expression. “i met my old friend raven. what’s so shocking?” jaemin asks back casually, picking up a few pieces of fries and dipping it into the sauce before shoving it in his mouth.

“dude that’s the name of mark’s soulmate!” haechan screams, making everyone flinch due to the loud noise. “i highly doubt it. there’s plenty of girls in the world with the name raven.” jaemin protests with his mouth full and chugging down gulps of coca cola.

“i mean that’s true. jeno you were with jaemin, right? dont you suspect anything?” renjun starts to question jeno, who was silently playing with his phone. looking up at the others, he gulps.

“i didn’t know he met his friend. i was picking out drinks. i just met a girl named soyoung.” jeno shrugs, taking a bite of his burger. mark scratches the back of his head, now starting to think of the fact that jaemin might have met his soulmate. though he also thought about how that could not be totally possible.

“nah i dont think its her. like really ‘raven’ could be anyone.” mark says, siding with jaemin. haechan tilts his head in awe. “jaemin do you know what school she’s going to?” jaemin only shakes his head.

“i lost all contact with her when i left her neighbourhood. plus we were young. i barely knew her honestly.” the living room falls silent, everyone trying to think of a conclusion to this.

chenle groans, standing up from his seat and slamming his hands on the table, gathering everyone’s attention as their heads shot up. “instead of pondering as if yall are solving some crime, why dont mark just ask her through the sticky note god dammit?” chenle pinches the bridge of his nose.

everyone’s mouths gape open as the room was suddenly filled with ‘ah’s all over. chenle shakes his head. everyone was now looking intensively at mark. mark furrows his eyebrows. “okay guys hold up ill grab the stick note.” mark stands up and takes one bite of his burger before going into his room for awhile and coming out with a sticky note and a pen.

jaemin noticed jeno being silent the whole way. and althought thats normal since its jeno’s nature and personality to not be so outspoken like the others, jaemin could sense that jeno was off and seem to be in deep thoughts.

and jaemin was right. jeno couldnt stop thinking about jaemin’s encounter with ‘raven’. the name sounded so familiar. he tried to recall every girl he has came into contact with during his life. why did he feel like the name was tied to the handwriting he saw on the sticky notes?

“jeno.” jaemin nudged him in the shoulder. jeno mumbled a soft ‘oh’ before turning his attention to mark just like the others. “she didn’t send me a reply after my last one though.” mark says, looking up.

“its fine. she probably didn’t see it. just write already.” chenle says in anticipation. mark shakes his head. “calm the heck down its not like we can get an answer immediately.” mark rolls his eyes and began to write.

hey raven. um i know this may sound weird. but have you gone to a supermarket and met a guy names jaemin? im not a stalker i swear. its just that he’s my friend and apparently you know him. though i dont think that such a coincidence and come by just like that. hope you hear from you soon.

jeno stared at the sticky note that mark proceeded to place at a random wall of the living room while everyone continued to eat and chat. his thoughts finally linked and a imaginary lightbulb appeared on above his head when he finally realises why he was so drawn to mark’s soulmate.

you were focused on wanting to solve a math question when the sticky note above your desk’s wall had fallen in front of you, revealing a new message. you place your pen down and let out a sigh, remembering that you hsve forgotten to write a reply and that mark probably sent you another one.

you tied your hair in a messy low bun before picking up the sticky note to get a closer view. you blink your eyes rapidly as your eyes furrow in awe. what the note said really shocked you and made you freeze in your spot. jaemin is friends with your soulmate? there’s no way.

you sat there for awhile as you constantly read over the words, still in shock with your moutb hanging open. you just couldn’t believe it. was it really what it seemed to be? another thought came to your mind as well. the thought of just who is this friend of jaemin’s? could it be mark? was your soulmate literally in the same place as you yet you never knew?

you grab a fresh new piece of sticky note and proceeded to write a reply after staring at it for so long and thought that it was finally time that you do something.

okay what you wrote really was weird. jaemin’s my old neighbourhood friend. its such a coincidence how you know him. i guess the connections are there. so haha yeah. damn. im very mind blown right now.

you take a look at your handwriting again, smiling to yourself. “i really do love my handwriting.” you mumble under your breath. you stuck the sticky note on the wall and resumed doing your homework, hoping that mark would reply soon.

while the boys were immersed in the horror movie they were watching on friday night, everyone turned their heads to each other when they heard the noise of a piece of paper falling onto the floor. in unison, everyone turned their head to where the noise came from and seeing the sticky note that fell.

jisung grabs the controller and pauses the movie. “we’re watching a scary movie and creepy stuff like that happens?!” jisung asks, stuttering out of complete fear.

mark decided to be the brave one after seeing everyone’s terrified face and stands up to pick up the sticky note, going back to take his seat on the couch soon after. “d-does that always happen?” mark shrugs. “well duh. that’s how i know she sent a reply. it wouldn’t be this scary if we weren’t watching a horror movie.”

everyone’s heads once again gather around mark as he read the note out loud. everyone gapes their mouth open, some covered their mouths while jeno could only stare at it in disbelief. “i guess we’ve confirmed its her.” mark breathes out, placing the sticky note on the table.

jeno reaches out to grab the sticky note to have a look. the unique handwriting that he suspected would belong to you really was yours. out of anger, he tears the sticky notes into two. everyone had their eyes widened at jeno’s sudden shocking action. mark snatches the now torn note back, looking down at them before facing jeno.

“what the heck was that for?!”

“dont talk to her anymore. she’s trouble.”

everyone lets out a sigh in unison except for mark, looking at everyone’s weird reaction. “what do you mean trouble? and why does it look like you all know something except me?” mark furrows his eyes as everyone exchanged glances continuously for a moment.

“she’s just not someone you should be with. that’s all.” jeno stands up and walks to his room, slamming the door shut and produring a piercing noise. the room was silent for awhile until mark speaks up.

“what am i missing here you guys?”

no one replies.

“we’ve been friends for a year and you guys are all keeping secrets for me?” mark scoffs in disbelief, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“we arent in the position to tell you. its jeno.” jaemin murmurs under his breath, looking down on the ground just like the others.

marks keeps silent and stands up from the couch, the palm the torn note was in is balled into a fist as he goes into his room as well.

haechan sighs. “jeno has to tell the truth. he’s been holding onto that grudge almost forever now.”

everyone nods their heads in agreement. “if not, he’s going to live in despair now that he knows she’s his best friend’s soulmate..” jisung adds on. 

everyone could only silently hope that things could go well. 

after that day you’ve sent a reply, you havent heard from mark since. you dont know why. due to your lack of information on him, it felt as if he disappeared into thin air. although only a week has past by, you felt concerned and somewhat worried for him. did something happen to him? what made him cut off his connection with you? its not like you did anything wrong. 

out of pure desperation, you decided to skip school today. youve never skipped school before, and you felt so rebellious and bad. why did you do this? so you could go to dream high and meet mark in person. youve had enough of the sticky notes. you just wanted to see how he was like in real life, not having to think about it through notes. 

with a little help from jaemin by texting him on instagram, you knew that mark’s class should be ending by 4pm, and you were there at 3:50 in the canteen where jaemin told you to wait. funny how the security guard lets a student from another school come in with a pass or anything.

you slowly start seeing groups of students going down the flight of stairs that lead to the canteen which had a path leading to the front gates. some eyes glanced at you as they notice someone who doesnt belong at their school, you couldnt care less though. your thoughts were only filled with mark. how he looked like, how he would carry himself. your anticipation was the only thing you felt.

you wore your headphones yet you could suddenly hear a lot of squealing and shouting. you look up, turning you attention to the stairs. a large group of girls crowding around another group of people, who you assumed to be guys. you scoffed, thinking about how there’s always that one group of good looking guys all girls seem to go crazy for. you watch as the group of guys push through the large crowd.

once you got a closer look, you tilt your head to the side. you slowly bring your headphone down from your ears and let them rest on your neck, getting intrigued by how the girls were getting so crazy, even more crazy than the ones from your school.

“its mark! he’s so cute!” 

you widen your eyes as you heard the word ‘mark’. you stood up from your seat, peering your head up to find which one is the girl referring to. you only see two guys walking. one smiling sheepishly while the other kept a straight and cold face. just which one is mark?

suddenly, you felt an arm grabbing yours and pulling you back. you jump out of fear and turn around noticing it was jaemin. you calmed your breathing as you look at jaemin. 

“meet mark under the block nearby. its too hectic here for you to talk to him.”

jaemin dragged you out of the school grounds and to a secluded block where only a few students where walking past and left you there. you were lost in confusion but decided to trust whatever jaemin was doing, sitting down at a random bench.

“jaemin told us to meet him here where is-” 

“raven.”

“what?”

you immediately stood in front of the two guys you saw at the canteen as you notice a familiar face. you werent able to get a clear look at them before, but now you realise that you knew one of them. “jeno..” you look at a different direction a you tried avoiding his gaze, though you knew you couldnt, forcing yourself to meet his eyes.

mark looks at the both of you, utterly confused as his attention shifts from you to jeno constantly. “this raven?” mark points at you, tilting his head. you nod slowly as your turn your head to face mark. you observed his body up and down. he was good looking, just like jeno.. yet his aura told you that he was way more outgoing and open than jeno. 

“you look...”

everyone was silent.

you gulp in nervousness. “im busy. bye mark.” before jeno could go, mark pulled on his arm to bring him back to stand beside him, earning a glare from jeno. the one you could never forget. “stay. i know something happened. you were always quiet whenever we talked about this girl. and i also know you all kept something from me.”

you slowly turned to jeno. you could he was annoyed whenever he looked at you. you felt it through his eyes, and it was terrifying. jeno took a deep breath in, folding his arms and placing his weight on one leg. 

“if you remember clearly, chenle told you that before we became friends with you, we had a fight and didnt talk to each other for a long time. we didnt tell you this, but it was her who caused it. she brought chaos into our group. everyone forgotten about it clearly, but i cant. after what she did.. i cant forgive her.”

you opened your mouth, wanting to reply but your words were somehow stuck in your throat. you didnt exactly know what to say or do in this awkward situation.

“it.. it was a long time ago jeno, please. my feelings for you were real, even if we werent meant to be. i dont know how many times you need me to say sorry.” you pleaded, biting your lip as you waited for jeno’s reaction.

jeno sighs and runs a hand through his hair as he lets out a huff of rustration. “then why did you leave? you left me stranded, and because of you, i almost left my friends becaused i lived in agony since i missed you so much. i almost pushed everyone away.” you shivered as jeno’s voice started to raise. 

 you also glanced at mark, who still kept his confused expression on his face. through his gaze never left you as you felt his eyes scanning you body up and down. 

“you two used date?” mark asks. you nod in reply.

“we were kids. we didnt know about all this soulmate stuff. but now..” 

“you know what? be together. im not going to leave my friends just because of my pent up grudge and feelings. i cant control fate either.” 

years had now past since you met mark. it really was fate. the two of you became close in no time and now.. you were fianally married. you couldnt be more happy to be with mark. who you were destined to be really was made for you, and you only. and to think this all escalated due to a note you sent out in pure curiosity.

you still remember what happened with jeno after that day, despite the lack of interaction between you two, jeno was open enough to accept you as his friend again. you are now living a happy life with mark, and always being able to hang out with his group of friends. today was no different. 

“haechan get the chilli sauce!” you hear mark shout as you smile widely, feeling his arm snaking around your waist to pull you close. having a barbeque was a great idea to celebrate jisung’s birthday. 

you soon see haechan with the bottle of chilli sause, placing it on the table where everyone gathered around the table which had jisung’s birthday cake. “before we do anything with the cake, let me announce my wish.” jisung announces proudly. you raise an eyebrow. “you cant say you birthday wish out loud!” you scolded jisung, but everyone laughs.

“his wish is something we all know.” jeno says, winking playfully at you. you tilt your head in confusion when you suddenly feel mark’s arm leaving you waist. you look over to mark who was shoving his hand into his pocket as if to find something.

you were completely clueless when mark nods towards jisung, to show some kind of signal. “i wish for mark and raven to get married!” jisung shouts. 

you gaped your mouth open in shock when mark pulls out a small box, opening it in front of you to show a ring. you cover your mouth in disbelief. “did you guys really-”

“please marry me, raven. my sticky note soulmate.” you hear everyone clapping s a tear of happiness drips from your cheek. you quickly wipe it away as you heard the nickname that mark gave you. “we wouldnt normally do this but it was jeno that suggested this.”

you look over to jeno who had a soft smile on his face as he nod his head. looking back at mark, you grin widely as more tears started flowing out. “of course ill marry you, you dork.”

[glitterge1pen]

Totally Fine

Iwaizumi Hajime x reader, sfw, word count 825

✿❁❀✿❁❀✿❁❀✿❁❀✿❁❀✿❁❀✿❁❀✿❁❀✿❁

The last song faded and the playlist came to a halt. Both you and Iwaizumi looked up from your work. The two of you had been working in a peaceful state for almost two hours now.

You shuffled your papers setting them aside.

"Here,"

You said handing your phone over to Iwaizumi.

"Chose another playlist, I'm gonna go get something to drink. Want anything?"

"No it's okay, I'm good"

He replied as you turned to leave the room. He could hear you moving about in the kitchen. Iwaizumi was scrolling through your music library when one of your playlists caught his eye.

It even had a cover image on it and an obnoxiously cute name. Clicking on it to see what songs were listed he saw the description. A simple but direct sentence told him everything he needed to know about this playlist.

You had definitely made this for whoever it was you were crushing on.

There wasn't any other explantation. All the songs you listed fit the theme perfectly too. He could still here the rustling of noise from the kitchen, he heard the hum of the microwave when Iwaizumi decided to do something desprate.

He didn't want to embarrass you by putting the playlist on. Even if you ended up not caring he didn't want to put the two of you in a potentially uncomfortable situation. Or rather, he would do anything to avoid this subject with you.

If it was up to Iwaizumi he wouldnt even want to know if you liked anyone at all. But here was proof that you did. The playlist was in your recents. He took out his own phone, recorded a video of him slowly scrolling over the playlist and then quickly found something else to put on.

Iwaizumi sat staring blankly at his laptop. He felt excited, but also shameful that he had pryed into something that you might consider private. But he just had to know.

What did you listen to at night when you thought about being in love? What about when you were day dreaming? What were you hearing as you imagined holding hands with someone?

Did you listen on your morning bus ride? Before you fell asleep? While your brushed your teeth and untangled your hair?

"I made some popcorn, I've been craving it all day!"

You came back into the room with a bounce in your step. You were already munching down on the buttery snack. Iwaizumi had to compose himself before thanking you. He swiped a couple kernels himself before getting back to work.

You stared at him. He was being stiff. You chalked it up to his work load. He had said he had a lot to do. You opted to take a bit of a break. Scrolling through social media, doodling some nonsense on your papers.

It had only been about five minutes when Iwaizumi got up suddenly. He still had that odd demeanor about him, you couldn't quite place what was bothering him.

"You okay?"

He hadn't even moved, he was just standing over his laptop looking down at you. When you spoke it seemed to wake him up from his strange spell.

"Yeah, I'm okay, it's been a long day though and I'm tired , I'm gonna head out now"

Iwaizumi said while packing up his things.

"Oh, that's totally fine, you've been working hard it's about time you got some rest anyway"

This wouldn't have been unusual most days. But he was so rushed. It was like he had been shaken. You fumbled over words trying to ask if something had happened. Everything he said felt forced, or like an excuse. You worried if you had done something to upset him.

At the front door Iwaizumi struggled to get his coat on.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

You ask one more time, wanting to be sure. He's already on the porch.

"I promise I'm okay, I'll see you later"

☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　

At home Iwaizumi was meticulous in patching together his copy of your playlist. The curiosity was clawing at his thoughts.

He made sure each song was in the exact order you had it in, that the playlist was on private, in the description he put in quotation marks what you had put there.

The entire time he was blushing like mad. When it came time to listen he climbed into his bed. He lay on his back and closed his eyes. Trying to see what you saw in this music.

He played it in order on his first listen. Then on shuffle. Eventually he fell asleep with his ear buds in, the music too loud.

The ebb of the music also awoke him. It was early in the morning. The sky still pink. Air from his open window fresh and bitter against his skin. He thought you had chosen the right songs.

☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

A/N: Its Christmas Eve and here I am posting on Tumblr. Hope everyone is having a good holiday season. Requests are still open! I might start writing for Slam Dunk??? Who knows!!!! Here's my personal "I really like this person" playlist if that's of interest to anyone

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1O6Q3h1ghy5OT4e9Hsp4RT?si=oiyOpQiUQL-VRx3hgDxNjA

[gwoongi]

(abandoned) i don’t want it at all

jeon jeongguk / reader genre: sugar baby au, sugar-babies-scamming-the-same-daddy-au rating: mature themes words: 2.3k warnings: sugar babies a/n: i would have liked 2 finish this one and maybe i will one day but for now here is the incomplete first draft that makes me laugh still

His dorm for first year had been a prison-cell-box with a broken window and bunk beds, the stale smell of farts from his roommate who insisted on top-bunk and made his evenings and early mornings absolute hell- but hey, he’s getting a fancy degree at the end, so it’s worth it, right? Jeongguk’s not sure if it’s worth it anymore.

(1)

Jeongguk was broke.

It was his own fault - that’s the price you pay for enrolling in University, studying something he probably doesn’t actually need but loves. It’s all fine and dandy studying Music until he realises that famous musicians don’t become famous because they got a degree. Ask any musician how they made it big and they’ll reply with good luck and hard work, not some fancy degree that means nothing unless you’ve got the talent to be successful. Well shit, now it’s in perspective, Jeongguk’s spending all this money on a degree that’s probably not going to make a difference when the time comes.

Now he has a part-time job at a random pizza takeaway that makes no money because Dominoes opened up across the street a few weeks ago, and he’s barely making enough to buy him more than two packets of instant noodles at a time. His dorm for first year had been a prison-cell-box with a broken window and bunk beds, the stale smell of farts from his roommate who insisted on top-bunk and made his evenings and early mornings absolute hell- but hey, he’s getting a fancy degree at the end, so it’s worth it, right? Jeongguk’s not sure if it’s worth it anymore.

This evening, the library is fairly quiet. Across the stacks are small candles inside black lanterns, a Harry Potter-esque vibe filling the room as the clock rolls into ten. Jeongguk loves when the school year ends, because for the past week, it’s only been the sad and broke music kids doing exams, meaning the library is virtually empty now that everybody else has finished up. Jeongguk’s last exam was yesterday. Huffing out a sigh that turns one of the only other heads in the library in his direction, he stretches his arms up over his head and arches his head backwards.

“Where’re you going over summer?”

Yoongi is another sad and broke music student, a third-going-fourth year who met Jeongguk in the music society during Jeongguk’s first weekend at University. Leaning his chair back on two legs, he throws a paper ball into the air and catches it, not even looking at Jeongguk as he talks to him.

Jeongguk shrugs in reply, tapping his nails against his laptop. “Dunno. Home, I guess.”

“Any plans?” Yoongi asks. “Wanna go to Lollapalooza?”

“Can’t afford it,” Jeongguk sighs, as Yoongi forces out a, “me neither” in between a chortled laugh. “And I don’t know. Probably going to have to get another job.”

“Good,” replies Yoongi, yawning loudly. “You can’t keep working at that shithole. I’m your only friend, and even I go to Dominoes instead of where you work.” As an afterthought, he looks at Jeongguk with a small frown, “sorry.”

Shaking his head in reply, Jeongguk slumps in his chair and sighs once again. Yoongi’s just suddenly put it all into perspective for him; Yoongi’s his only friend, he works a job that barely puts a meal onto his plate, and it’s not going to get any easier. 

The ball in Yoongi’s hand begins to bounce again and Jeongguk glances over at the student librarian, who buries her head into the crook of her elbow and sleeps her way through her night-shift. It’s only Jeongguk, Yoongi and four others in the library right now; none of them are reading, none of them are doing anything particularly productive. Two students are tucked into an alcove pouring wine quite openly into small glasses with a board of chess unfolded out on the table, the others on computers, wishing the night away. Jeongguk just doesn’t want to go back to his dorm, to where his roommate and his loaded to the brim stomach of Chinese food and unhealthy diets is waiting for him.

“You planning on staying here all night again?” questions Yoongi. He probs his feet up onto the partitioner under the table, accidentally kicking Jeongguk’s ankle in the process. “Sorry,” he adds.

“Yep,” Jeongguk replies, popping the ‘p’. “I’d literally rather sleep on the boys changing room floors than go back to my dorm.”

Yoongi rolls his eyes. “That’s disgusting, don’t be dramatic.”

“I’m being deadass,” Jeongguk insists, his eyes blown wide. “Want to swap dorms for the night? Ten dollars and you’ll be dry heaving in the hallway before midnight.”

“I’ll pass. Either way, you know my apartment is always open for you,” Yoongi reminds him. “You’ve got a key. Come by once you’ve finished whatever it is you’re doing. My wifi’s out.”

Another sigh. Jeongguk’s not defeated his boredom yet, the twitch in his fingers to do something still there. If he goes to Yoongi’s apartment now, he’ll just annoy him with the need to do something energetic, and Jeongguk knows best that Yoongi values his quiet time on an evening.

“Okay. Well, I’ll stay here for a little bit, and come by when I’m done,” Jeongguk says, stifling a yawn that would otherwise expose the fact that he’s absolutely knackered. “I won’t make a sound.”

“You will, you always do, I just pretend not to notice because I love you.” Yoongi says I love you with a disgusted face, sticking his tongue out with a fake gag that Jeongguk knows just proves how much he cares. Yoongi’s good like that, the more subtle type of loving older brother that Jeongguk’s been deprived of all his life. “Don’t stay out too late.”

“Won’t.”

Yoongi picks himself up and irons the aches out of his shoulders. “Cool. Stay safe and smart, Guk.”

“I can’t do both,” he sighs sadly, and Yoongi collects his bag and affectionately throws the paper ball at Jeongguk’s head. It bounces off and lands near one of the bookshelves. Neither picks it up, and Yoongi leaves the library. It dawns on Jeongguk three minutes after Yoongi leaves him that he’s actually really fucking lonely. Add that to the big long list of things Jeongguk is this year: friendless, broke, sad and lonely. God, he needs a hobby.

He also needs money. Very badly. After opening his phone and banking app and realising that he’s so close to slipping into the red, Jeongguk refrains from spending what he has left on something fried and takeaway and opens Google. One click, a few types: How to make money fast. Google will know what to do.

Jeongguk scrolls. Take online surveys and get paid NOW! No. Review apps and earn money! Not enough phone memory to download an app to review it, he scrolls down. Lonely AND Horny? Get yourself a Sugar Daddy TODAY! Oh? He’s listening.

The blog that opens up as he clicks the link is somebody’s personal blog, the title in a gross and thick font that Jeongguk almost can’t read. They talk a while about why you shouldn’t become a sugar-baby, but Jeongguk remembers that one time Tana Mongeau did a storytime on how she had a Daddy and got a lot of money, and Jeongguk’s got assets. He’s smart, has abs on a good day, and his dick isn’t half bad looking. That’s what Yooa had said to him, anyway. Finally, there’s a hyperlink to Seeking Arrangements, and Jeongguk feels kind of overwhelmed.

At least once in their lives, everybody’s thought about being a Sugar Baby. Jeongguk definitely has, all the damn time when he’s sitting around at work doing nothing because they’re about as busy as one can expect for a pizza place with two stars and a rival Dominoes parallel from the front. He’s even read about experiences, where people meet their daddies or mommies on the streets or through apps- and there was even that one crazy story about somebody’s Principal becoming their sugar Daddy, or something, he can’t quite remember. Regardless, Jeongguk’s entertained this thought before.

He looks down at himself. If he really tried his best, he could be kind of good at it. Without sounding conceited, Jeongguk’s good looking. What lets him down at school is the fact that he always dresses lazily and ignores people, rejects requests to go out and then complains to Yoongi about not having friends who hang out with him. All he needs is to fix his appearance, upload his best photographs, and he could secure the bag quite easily.

Jeongguk fills in the boxes and makes an account. petkoo is what he decides to name himself, and he picks his best selfie off Instagram as an icon. He leans back, as if a look from far away will change the way it looks. It’ll do. Luckily for him, he’s into men and women, and it just so happens that American men are both the dumbest and easiest to please. Suddenly, he’s excited, his leg bouncing under the table until he hits his knee and stops. The student librarian raises her head quickly, afraid that a member of staff’s come in to supervise. They haven’t, and so she drops her head again. Ten fifty three, ish. Jeongguk blinks sleepily.

All that’s left to do is get his account verified, and life will be forever changed.

(He hopes).

(2)

Yoongi’s apartment is off campus, about fifteen minutes away if he’s walking. It’s small, but significantly bigger than Jeongguk’s dorm on campus, and decorated with whites and creams, big and open windows letting in golden light, when the time’s right. It’s the type of apartment you saw online, on Tumblr posts or in movies, looking like a perfect backdrop - sometimes, Jeongguk can’t believe that Yoongi lives here, and wakes up every morning to the view of the city below his window, power lines like train tracks connecting houses, dangling fairy-lights on the trelacing of his across-the-street-neighbour’s rooftop.

That being said, Jeongguk technically lives here, too. He doesn’t know how long it’s been since he’s actually stepped foot in his dorm at the same time as his roommate; he only goes in there to collect things one at a time. Today, for example, he had dropped by to empty out his small and pathetic wardrobe and put it inside one suitcase, wheeling it right up to Yoongi’s front door with a bright smile that Yoongi couldn’t say no to. His couch in the living room was Jeongguk’s comfortable bed when it wasn’t cold and when it was, Yoongi would huff and offer an invite into his bed, because he loves Jeongguk like he’s his baby brother, and it would suck if he died from pneumonia, or something. He said that to Jeongguk once. Jeongguk smiled for ten minutes afterwards.

Harry Potter plays on TV, the fourth movie because it’s Jeongguk’s favourite and Yoongi’s a sick man who can’t say no. It’s around five, and Jeongguk’s literally been holed up in Yoongi’s apartment the entire day. The most sunlight that he got was when he walked out of Yoongi’s house to take the trash out, and even then, the bin was in the shadows and the sun never touched his skin once. He can see the sunlight through the window, which technically counts. Yoongi cringes and takes away a plate from the coffee table.

“You’re allowed to stay at my place, as long as you clean up after yourself,” he says with a huff. His nose upturns with a scrunch, “No wonder you don’t have a girlfriend.”

“By choice!” Jeongguk adds, pulling a thread out from his sock. “They’re too much hard work.”

“You’re just fucking lazy,” Yoongi points out. He dumps the plate in the sink and comes back to Jeongguk. “You know that, don’t you?”

There’s a silence. Then a sigh, “Yeah.”

Jeongguk loves staying at Yoongi’s place, especially when Yoongi is feeling particularly soft and lets Jeongguk do whatever he wants, given he’s not going to get Yoongi a noise complaint in the morning. The movie continues to play undisturbed, the sight of Beauxbatons’ carriage swooping over towards the runway leaving Jeongguk with an open-mouthed smile on his face and Yoongi folds his arms, burying himself further into the sofa. On the coffee table, Yoongi’s laid out some snacks, both his phone and Jeongguk’s laying down flat because it’s supposed to keep Jeongguk distraction free, even though he’s the type of friend to never be on his phone around his friends unless he absolutely needs to be.

Another huff is in Yoongi’s mouth, begging to be huffed out. Over on the coffee table, Jeongguk’s phone lights up with his lock screen of Sansa Stark blurred out by a notification, the ringer on loud. Attention is pulled from Dumbledore to the light, Jeongguk’s brows lifting with interest but his eyes immediately back on the TV.

“Yoongi,” he calls out, and Yoongi glances over, “can you see who it’s from?” Could be his Mom, it could be important.

The huff is released. “Come into my house and boss me around…” Yoongi mutters under his breath and reaches for Jeongguk’s phone, pressing the home button to read the notification. He’s silent for a long moment, and Jeongguk’s so enthralled in the movie that he doesn’t notice, not until Yoongi looks at Jeongguk with a confused and funny look, his top lip curled to his nostrils as he blurts: “Why the hell are Seeking Arrangements telling you you’re profile’s ready?”

Jeongguk looks away so fast from the television that Yoongi’s almost frightened. His eyes are wide and twinkling, “They’ve finished it?”

“What the fuck.”

“Gimme!” Jeongguk splutters, his hand diving towards his phone urgently. “Bro...it’s been like, five days.”

Yoongi is bewildered. “Why do you have an account? What-why-when…?”

“I don’t know, I need money and I thought it would be funny,” Jeongguk shrugs. His thumb moves quickly across his phone screen. “I can’t believe they’re done. I’m gonna be rich, Yoongi.”

“Do you know how sketchy half the people on that site are?” Yoongi questions. “Plus they’re all old and perverted men.”

“Rich men.”

“Rich, old and perverted,” Yoongi nods. “Guk, I know I said you needed another job...but this doesn’t qualify. I’d rather you flip paper thin pizzas.”

[lornahansonforbes]

Prologue

If you’re reading this today, then you know I’m dead, dead to you as you are to me, and that should make you so very happy.

I gave it all up sitting at a red light.

This last piece is the final chapter of “The Emesis Tray of Feelings,” it’s a trilogy.

The trilogy contains one play, “Hot Neon Lights” and “Patina on the Edge,” which is a series of monologues and now this, “It Didn’t Happen,” a one act play.

The first installment, “Hot Neon Lights,” tells the story of two events. Act One is a very messy breakdown followed by the fourth and final attempt of my taking my own life. I failed four times. Act Two is about six to weeks later and the family meeting with the psychiatrist where they decide if I should be locked up in hospital or go cold Turkey. There was no option, no Grey area, only black and white.

“Patina on the Edge,” is a series of monologues that highlights moments of grand and glorious to being a homeless junkie who was sucking dick, meanwhile being a thief and a shitkicker was a great way to being truly infamous. Lofty goals. It parallels the story that’s laid out in “Hot Neon Lights.”

“It Didn’t Happen.” is a one act play with four scenes. Scene one, the night of the breakup and a month after the breakup. Scene two, a phone call about the breakup. Scene three, a group of friends who just saw the two aforementioned plays and are in a bar talking about what The New York Times will say about “Hot Neon Lights” and “Patina on the Edge.”

As you read this, do know that this is like Ivory Soap, ninety-nine and forty-four one hundredth percent (99 44/100%) true.

Several people have been merged into one character and not vice versa.

You should know that I died alone and bitter that I was never truly loved by anyone except by my dogs, Zoey, Chase, Auggie, The Brother Levi, CoCo and Harry; and my three cats, Rasselas, Othello and Belle Kitty.

I sadly cannot think of one person, past or present, who ever truly loved me.

I suffered with Bipolar Depression and Anxiety for a large portion of my life. The three guys who I stupidly referred to as my boyfriend, I see now that they barely tolerated me as did my family.

I don’t give a shit. You and whomever can say what you want about me and pepper it generously with Drama Qween. You do know that but I can only tell you what my perception was and how I saw things, but as usual, you’re right and I’m wrong. Fuck you, your opinion is paying for my funeral and you had the option not to read this.

Lastly, all the things I’ve written starting in the 1980’s and in between has been thrown out and erased etc. Yeppers. All gone. I kept it all but as of this entry, I threw it all out.

Since I’ve submitted to various outlets and people yet only to learn I’ve been ignored.

But you can find me on Tumblr and not on Tinder. Good luck with that.

Post Script:

I’ve told stories about how I lived and how I overcame. “You should write a book.” Motherfucker, don’t play with me. You ain’t gonna fucking read it. Why even bother existing? I’m done. If you really want to know, actually pick up the phone and call me. Bye, Felicia.

I forgot to tell you that someone asked me not to give up writing. Sorry but I’m not gonna change my mind about cutting off my nose to spite myself.

Scene One

The late summer sun was slowly going down as we approached the corner of Melrose and North Robertson.

Granted it was nearly 8:00 PM, the sun was still blazing away. I turned to look from the passenger seat to see people milling about waiting to go inside but also the paparazzi was there gawking and snapping pictures.

She slowed the car down for just a millisecond and then took a sharp left turn. Then Sister Mary of the Perpetual Parking Spot smiled down upon us and she pulled in and parked the car.

The restaurant sign read Ty’s Thai Tie Dye, an Indochina Conglomerate. We went inside and were seated way in the back. It was a jungle, flowers, potted trees and Passion Flower vines everywhere. The sun broke through like mosaic tiles.

Dinner was delicious and uneventful. She was now pulling up in front of my modest flat.

“Darling, I’m sure we’ve had a wonderful evening but I feel that my husband is all over us these past few weeks. I’m just so sick and tired of seeing his Gold Audi here and there every time we go out. Why can’t we agree to disagree with the fact that I’m who I am and you are you we aren’t able to carry on like this anymore. I know that I should break it to you gently, but let’s rip the fucking Band-Aid off, it’s over. Don’t speak. Let’s go our separate ways with our splendiferous memories and as the cliché states, when you do speak of me, be kind,” she blurted out without looking at me.

It took me a moment and then I watched her Black Jaguar Vandam Plas glide away and disappear. Nearly comatose, I fumbled for my keys and took those first tentative steps towards the front door. I saw my cat in the window and her deep gold eyes. We looked directly at each other. I got in my car only to pound the steering wheel with tears in my eyes.

“You ungrateful bitch,” I screamed so loud that my ears were ringing worse than being a rock concert.

I drove into the night with flashes of our tongues lashing about like in some porn as we tore our clothes off each other. She was moist. My turgidity.

I landed at Pfeiffer Beach and I saw a Sandpiper. Fuck my life. The sound of the crashing waves and the sun rising. Stumbling back to my car I spied that CHP had paid a visit with a bright orange parking ticket tucked neatly underneath the wiper blades. God damn it to hell.

When I turned the car over, the radio was blaring, some static but nonetheless it jangled my nerves.

“Now, I am strong enough. Now, I’m strong enough to accept change. Yes, my darling, if you want to live in another place, I can understand it. It’ gonna hurt for a little while, but I can understand it, but before you walk out that door, touch me in the morning,” this woman’s anger and hurt were front and center. We were simpatico at that moment. We were both in a world of hurt and she like me, we were not feeling it.

I tapped a button on my car radio and my playlist replaced her voice as I pulled into traffic on Route 1 South heading home leaving Pfeiffer Beach in my rear view mirror.

Whoever that female voice was previously on my radio, I felt like Kathy Bates and I was swinging that sledgehammer and I left her there to suffer.

Normally I’m not that guy who “gets in touch with their feelings.” It’s just not in my DNA and when I do “get in touch,” it’ll be like a Gatling gun. Crumpled up like a wad of paper, riddled with bullets and left to die gasping for breath in a pool of blood.

This morning I got up and was meandering around my neighborhood. I have absolutely no idea how it happened but I stopped into a local coffee shop and got a Chai Latte. I usually get a green juice with pomegranate and Acai.

I was in a deep, deep funk since I had dinner with my friend and she dumped me. Who was she to me? My girlfriend; friend with benefits: fuck buddy; mistress or just another conquest? Whatever it was, it was good and it lasted but it wasn’t like this hadn’t happened before and so this came to pass and now in my mind I heard Louis Prima singing, “…everywhere I go.” If I really wanted to hear that song, I’d rather find the David Lee Roth remake.

Apparently I got my steps in this morning without some contraption attached to me or some app on my phone. I plunked my narrow behind down on a concrete Jersey barrier and I looking at the waves crashing onto Dockweller Beach. I know it’s not Malibu Beach just a short drive North and it certainly wasn’t Malibu Beach in Boston. From that vantage point, you’ll see the highway and Sister Corita Kent’s artwork in the distance.

Seriously what the fuck, yo? Processing, tabulating, analyzing, and parsing the events of being dumped. I know I saw the data, but what did it reveal? Was it actually that simple or was I looking at the galley’s for the unabridged Cyrillic version of Tolstoy’s tome with copious notes in the margins. Could I decipher The Daily Jumble? Was I looking at some foreign language? Was I experiencing some sort of dyslexia? Sigh! Could I really clean this mess with a piece of used snotty paper?

I’m solving Pi!! Yeah, yeah!! That’s the ticket!!

I clenched my hand around my paper cup and almost spilled my Chai latte. I was fucking pissed.

“Ungrateful BITCH,” that right I said it and I said it with such furious anger venom was dripping of my fangs.

What a difference a day makes. Bull-fucking-shit. Something felt dissimilar yet had I seen the same thing from a different vantage point?

At that exact moment I heard one of those thumper cars approaching blaring something I didn’t understand  anything but I did hear, “Baile, baile con El General” and just like that the car was gone. Was Joy Division only for headphones? This is Los Angeles not Colby College.

Perched on the Jersey barrier, I wasn’t contemplating why lint gets in my navel.  I couldn’t dodge raindrops. Had I tabled my ego? Were my expectations quickly quieted? Was it like that thumper car; was I blaring or amplifying some sort of acceptance of defeat? The hounds had been released at the same time as I gave up my control? I can be that Type-A personality, driven and getting in touch with my feeling resided in an abyss somewhere, but the fuck if I know.

I felt dampness. Where am I now? Am I on the Maid of the Mist or standing underneath Niagara Falls? God damn it to hell!! I was crying. I normally don’t do that. I clenched my jaw so tightly I had TMJ.

“Mission Accomplished,” I think was actually the last time I did cry, but that was for my furry friends, Mickey & Minnie and then it was Stanley & Blanche. Do I get ahold of the anger in me? What the fuck? Maybe a word, a smile, an hour of happiness? NETX??!! I picked up my phone. I scrolled through my contacts. In a parallel universe, I called you a thousand times when I know I did not and I never will call you.

A boisterous and vociferous colony of seagulls appeared just a few yards away from me. Fuck. Hitchcock.

My paper cup is empty. I knew I had to dispose of it. Recycle, reuse, repurpose or like this affair, would it end up in a landfill? Just another thing to be unceremoniously and recklessly tossed away. It’s just a thing.

With a great exasperated sigh, eight months, two weeks and a day. That’s how long it lasted without me actually keeping track of it. Don’t go there. Don’t judge me. Men and women silently judge me and you but I can only assume they leave something on me so I don’t catch cold. Oh, shit. We had seen other naked. She fucking hurt me. Okay, I’m not that person, who’d scrawl, No Sale, on a mirror if I found a check and a note that read, “Last night was dope.”

My phone beeped, a text message letting me know I had to drive to Pacoima.

Gotta bounce. Later. Onto embrace the new challenges ahead and channel them into existence.

Scene Two

Part Three.

A Hello, bleep.

B How did you know it was me?

A I’ve known for a long time and plus it’s out there.

B Why did you say that?

A What did I say exactly?

B Don’t give me that bullshit. I saw it.

A I told you about how I felt but then I felt around in the dark and I didn’t know how that single cell actually started to feel like encouragement.

B What I said was to do it for yourself and not me.

A I did it for you first and then afterwards I got to me.

B You took more than you should have and you took it to another place. Also that’s not how it went down.

A It’s how some people work. As I told before, give me a thing to work with and I can easily create from there.

B I only told you about a sixteenth of what happened.

A But that was enough for me and those three sentences told me everything I needed to know. Fuck bleep, I told you recently about my Bipolar Depression and how I grapple with it hour by hour and mostly by myself with no assistance or guidance from anyone.

B I appreciate that and your candor but it makes me crazy. But fuck bleep, I know how mentally exhausted some people feel being in your orbit.

A Bleep, dude, we’re trying to get to that place in the day where we can say, I’m still here. First we get out of bed unassisted and the rest is gravy.

B Why such labels? I mean I know most of the names but you know I’m a tee shirt and jeans.

A Without inferring or intimating the slightest thing, I had a good feeling that who she is and most likely she has her own money but she doesn’t dismiss her husband’s money.

B I have my own money too but I’m not going to be seen eating on North Robertson.

A Possibly I’d see you at one place on Melrose or on Alameda and they’re not that far from where I put you. Then again, there’s a place around the way and you can walk there. I pay attention to things like that ever since I saw Russell Simmons ex wife Creamora eating at raw restaurant in LA a few years ago.

B Wow. How did find that out?

A She had a reality show and they showed her eating there and as a woman of color, she nearly lost her mind. One of things they served was a pizza but it wasn’t a New York pepperoni pizza all hot and gooey with cheese. I yelled at the TV, Gurl, I’ll take a slice. I’m in.

B Wait a minute, bleep. You told me you have issues with food.

A I do but sometimes I’ve got to throw caution to the wind and suffer with each delicious bite.

B So that’s why you fabricated that restaurant.

A Well, kinda sorta. When I was in LA, I found a great little Thai place a few blocks away from The Dolby and if I remembered the name I would’ve told you about it. They’ve got some amazing vegan options.

B This is one of the things I find about you, you know some of the most trivial things and it’s fucking scary.

A Bleep, I just hope I don’t actually lose my mind. I’d hope that you or someone else would put me down if dementia or Alzheimer’s effected me.

B Don’t say that. I sometimes like it when you remember what happened way back when.

A I’m not sure what’s going to happen but I’m still here regardless.

B I’ve got to ask why you said I cried.

A Bleep, you are but one of many Taurus men I know and if they do actually cry, it’ll be in the shower and they’d never admit to knowing how to cry. They might well up with tears but never cry in front of anyone ever.

B That’s fucked up.

A Taurus men do write but never about their feelings nor do they own a diary or journal. If that April born man exists who shares their feelings, they are a very rare breed of man.

B Well writing isn’t my thing.

A You sound exhausted.

B I had to compose myself and all the while I cursed your name.

A Oh it’s because I hit a nerve?

B You’re the last person I’d ever, of course, I think of to wax philosophic and then admit it to someone else let alone admit it to myself.

A Bleep, motherfucker, I’m completely aware and yet I’m not living under the delusion by pining away waiting for you to ask.

B No, it’s not that but does fall in the same zip code and then I used one word, empath. You dug as deep as you could and I’m like, fuck, man, I’m on the phone with you.

A Bleep. Bleep. I’ve known ever since your old EarthLink email and I never and I wouldn’t unless you asked. I told you before I see things that I don’t necessarily understand and with each message, I just end up seeing something.

B I gathered as much. There’s my Nou-Nou. Come up. It’s okay. Come on, Nou-Nou. Move your lard ass, Janx. There you go. All better. Rumple, not a word. You stay right there and let Nou-Nou get some.

A The kittehs!!

B Don’t distract. I’m not sure if you have a malignant will or you gave me something to think about.

A I can’t apologize more. I’m truly very sorry. I riffed on an idea and here we are.

B Life isn’t over as you think of it just because you’re alive. There’s more.

A That’s why I told you that I wouldn’t write again. Stirred the pot.

B You’re a dick.

A And your point is? A cunt? I’m The Dowager Empress and that’s all there is to that.

B You’re so full of shit.

A We’re not going to snap at each other like two terriers.

B Is this what we’ve been reduced to? Bickering just for arguments sake?

A You’re the one with the brown eyes, so you could possibly be full of shit. I’ve got green eyes, pea green with jealousy.

B You said some shit and it hit me. What’s that thing you usually say? Oh yeah, it’s a punch in the face you can’t take back.

A Bleep, dude. Most people want that moment in life where someone grabs ahold of you and pleads with you not to leave. It’s been played out in the movies, but not in our lives, right? I don’t know the life you led but I’ve had three boyfriends and each one of them dumped me. I’ve cried and played all the sad songs. You could have possibly done the same thing but let’s face it fucking Cher said it best, we all sleep alone.

B Whitney clapped back and said I’d rather be alone than be unhappy.

A True. But I had the near perfect relationship with The Beast. More than 40 years together. We both had separate lives and we were celibate lovers. We had each other’s back we did everything for love but we never did that. I knew that he wasn’t some Sir Galahad to love from afar, motherfucker was two legged boa constrictor. I’m okay with dying alone and unloved.

B That’s really a fucking bleak future. Well insert a happy go-lucky cliché here followed by Shady Pines. I can’t with you, bleep.

A I know that we’re estranged but don’t divorce me or fire me just yet.

B Okay.

-The curtain comes down and the audience breaks out in an uproar of applause and cheers-

Scene Three

E What was that we just watched?

CI wish I knew.

E 90 minutes of a conversation that never happened?

D Clearly you’ve missed the point of it. Two guys who knew each other since high school and they meet up years later. One guy had a bad break up and the other guy was now, as he said, a widower.

C Excuse me?

E Yeah excuse me. I don’t see it. Okay high school is one thing but forty years later, they’re talking like that?

D Okay let’s go for a quick pop at The Stone and we’ll go home afterwards.

E Which stone?

C I think that the closest one is Rosetta.

D No. That’s by Park Avenue. I think this one is Killarney but is it Kilkerry? Fuck. It’s right here at 8th Avenue.

C Don’t make thing of it but look over getting of that cab, Miles Silverberg.

E I know that name.

D Murphy Brown.

C It is him. Not bad looking but not my type.

D Bitch, your type is anyone who can make the letter O.

C You should talk. You’re still paying off that asbestos abatement from the last one.

D The two of you are practically virgins again, but then again Father Frank doesn’t give confessionals.

C/E Fuck you.

D Oh look, we’re here.

E I’ve always wondered exactly how many bars in Manhattan are actually Irish bars.

C Probably a few but I’m not sure. There’s only one Blarney Stone and I think it’s in Lower Manhattan not here in Midtown. I’m thinking that anything above 23rd Street is either owned by The Vara or Lyons’ Brothers.

E Damn.

D Hello, Merrick. We like a bottle of your best Shiraz and three glasses. We’ll be over here. Thank you. Yes, Merrick, yes you’re all that but put a ring on it.

E Why won’t you just fuck him and get it over with?

D We like this game. We just love to flirt with each other. No harm, no foul.

C She’s been playing with Merrick for years and he loves the attention.

E I wonder what The Times says tomorrow.

D This is the the last chapter of the trilogy. Uh…

C First was Hot Neon Lights, second was Patina on the Edge and now, It Didn’t Happen.

D I can’t get it out of my head that one scene with the mother fighting with the dad. She was so mad at him, she put out a cigarette in her hand.

C Oh fuck yeah, that was fucking brutal.

E Can someone get that mad?

D She’s his mother and momma bear wasn’t having it.

C True but I’m not sure about the pretentious names. Trenton Burroughs English and Daniel Charles Snyder. But you know what? They’re actual people. I found out that Trenton is some how many times removed from the Queen of Norway and Daniel is a surgeon with Doctors Without Borders. AND the most fucked up thing is that they don’t know each and have never met.

D You know what’s even more fucked up than? There’s an actual family here on the social register here in New York with the last name, Frankenstein. Google that.

E Thank you, Merrick. Ladies, a toast?

C Yes please and don’t be stingy.

D Miss Thing, leave some for the rest of us.

ALL 3 Cheers! Give my regards to Broadway!!

E Hot Neon Lights was excellent, though I thought the two fantasy moments were beyond me.

D Why?

E Is that what you’d expect from dropping a hit of acid?

C Not all the time. It’s different from person to person. I did it once and I had goosebumps most of the time and I saw these white penny tiles dance like waves and I was surfing.

D I went to see a midnight showing of Eraserhead in college and I hate that fucking movie. Sigh. I cringe whenever I hear, Eraserhead is dead. I wanna punch someone in the face.

E Damn and I said I was traumatized by seeing Gina Gershon’s pubic hair in Killer Joe. I’m sorry but on the silver screen in a crowded theater. I shudder to think.

C A straight guy cringing at the mound of Venus? What happened? Did you see your mother in the shower?

E It’s not that deep. My face is one thing but on a forty-foot screen? Shit was scary.

D Yeah that is unforgettable. Besides that, was the movie any good?

E I don’t know. I mean William Friedkin directed The Exorcist. Both are going to fuck with your head, period.

D Oh yeah he did but what was really fucked up was in Patina on the Edge when he told us how his father and stepmother thought that they were watching his life story on the silver screen.

C What fucked with my head with my head was when he told us that he actually went to M Street and those stairs. I saw the picture and it was daytime and the caption read, Here laid Father Merrin’s body. Regan MacNeil astro-projected his priestly self right out the window. Rest in Power, Mercedes McCambridge.

E What?

C Yeah. Gimme a second.

D You’re obsessed much?

C I couldn’t believe it myself and I took a screenshot. Look.

E Damn. That’s really fucked up. Here.

D Oh my God! That is fucked up.

C I know reality stranger than fiction.

E It wasn’t science fiction or was it tonight?

D Whatever it was, it was some great writing. He can tell a story.

C What did you get out of it?

E I’m thinking that after seeing Hot Neon Lights, Patina on the Edge and tonight’s It Didn’t Happen, I think they should have a face to face and make a decision if they’re going to be actual friends and figure out if they want to be celibate lovers and in a platonic marriage.

D Fuck that bullshit. It’s obvious that they are actually going to have a contentious relationship and they’re not going to find each other sitting together chatting it up in Shady Pines. The only thing that they can have is a hidden mutual respect for each other and the rest of us can only imagine that since neither one of them will admit to anything. He’s a whore and he’s a prude. They don’t know what they want, but can they be friends in any iteration of the meaning. We’ll never know.

C Well…unrequited love can keep you going. Okay I’ve got unrequited love too but I see mine as that song, All American Boy by Steve Grand. I just love that song and I’m obsessed with the media calling it Brokeback Breakout and he’s like the Gay Cowboy. That’s really a bad cliché but it’s even worse to know that not every fag wants to suck the quarterback’s dick. Yeah let that big man on campus get a pot belly and go bald, and at the 40th high school reunion you’re still in a size seven like me and what’s even worse is that all the girls want to kill me.

D Do let me know when old and bitter arrives.

E Oh c’mon. It can’t be all that bad. You’re supposed to live off a compliment for two weeks, but I always hope for the best. I mean I like my family and we all get along.

C Well how nice for you but I doubt it. It’s like Homer isn’t going to strangle Bart for the umpteenth time.

E Back to the other moment in Hot Neon Lights, what was up with that Diana Ross scene?

D That was explained in Patina.

C Yeah. He went to the Diana Ross Live at Caesar’s Palace show on two hits of mescaline but I think the point was like she said, I am and I’m going to be.

D Powerful.

E Didn’t he also explain how he could actually touch the guy on the flying trapeze at the circus. Apparently he likes dropping acid.

C Patina had that whole conversation about “Gee whiz. Boy I was drunk last night.”

D Yeah it was consensual but I’m not sure if they were that drunk or that high.

E I know right but he did fuck that girl after an eight ball.

C Oh yes! He was up to THANGS!!

D Indeed he was but that failed threesome was even funnier.

E Give the guy a break. I’m not sure if he wanted to fuck the husband in front of his wife or fuck the wife as the husband was going to fuck him.

C YES!! The bamboo chair hanging from the ceiling. If I was in that same situation I have no idea how to proceed.

E True, true, but I’m glad he told us from the jump, we’d never believe it actually happened. My mind hurts.

D Look gentlemen, the bottle is empty and we all have to go to work in a few hours. Let’s table this for the next time. Until then.

E Okay but it’s Romeo & Juliet with social media at The Public.

C That’s got to be something else. We’ll text after we read the review in The Times.

ALL 3 Good night, Merrick!!

[cilldaracailin]

Hammer To Fall

Hello my lovely Tumblr friends. Here is the next story in the Robyn and Taron series. Once this one is posted, I will have caught up with my AO3 which is a woohoo for me! But sad for you ‘cos you all will have to wait for more now! *Insert evil cackle here...*

Hope you all enjoy this story and don’t all come for me at once!

1

“So this was betrayal. It was like being left alone in the desert at dusk without water or warmth. It left your mouth dry and will break. It sapped your tears and made you hollow.”

It was the first time Robyn had ever left her office and stood outside the creche to take a phone call as she had never felt the need to raise her voice with such anger before. Emma had to double take as she watched her supervisor stand up as quick as lightening and rush out the door without a word, her phone to her ear. As she glanced out the window, she could tell that Robyn was about ready to blow, as she paced up and down the car park, her right hand moving with over exaggerated hand signals as she spoke. At first a smile lit up her face as she answered her personal phone, but it quickly turned to a frown and then a full-face glower, her words in furious whispers before she bolted for the entrance for the building. Emma had a vague idea of what the conversation was about and who Robyn was talking to and continued to watch out the glass window, Robyn stopping suddenly in front of her car that was parked in front of the green.

“I am actually going to end this call very soon Taron if you keep that tone with me.”

“Well I wouldn’t have to be calling you if you had of kept to our compromise.”

“And as I have already told you, I didn’t do it.”

“Pull the other one Robyn. I know you are still reading all the comments. Have been since that other picture from Elton’s was posted of us.”

“Are you actually kidding me? You really think I would go back on our promise to each other?”

“Well yeah of course. I know you can’t keep your fucking nose from the social media Robyn and you have completely broken my trust with you after what we talked about on the beach. You promised me you wouldn’t go out of your way to read anything and once again as soon as something else is posted off you go and you had to comment on it. You actually commented on the webpage that posted the picture of us too!”

“Taron! Are you even listening to yourself?”

“Well I don’t see myself listening to you anymore.”

“Ok you know what Taron. I don’t have time for this right now.”

“Because I do? I stepped off set to try and sort this fucking mess out.”

“I am in the middle of trying to organise a play for the kids as well as a parent’s night and this is a conversation that cannot be had right now.”

“Do you have any idea what shit you are putting Lyndsey through right now?”

“Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound right now? I am going to end this phone call and seeing as how you are finding the time in your busy schedule to call me, you can figure it out again when it suits you because everything always comes down to you Taron and what you need and what works for you. What I feel or think never comes into play. It’s not like I went out of my fucking way to save your bloody life and open up my home to you. If you actually think I would do something like that Taron, you can forget about calling me until you get the sense in your head knocked back into place.”

Robyn ended the call and sat on the bonnet of her car, jumping a little as her phone rang nearly as quickly as she cut off the call with Taron. Looking to the screen, she glowered as his nickname appeared again.

“So, you are just going to hang up on me instead of talking?”

“Well when you talk such bullshit Taron and don’t listen to me, it’s one way to put an end to the conversation.”

“Why would I need to listen to you when I can see exactly what you have been up too online.”

“You actually think I would do that Taron?”

“Right now, Robyn I don’t know what you would do.”

“Well I know what I want to do is end this phone call once again. Like I said before, when you find time in your busy schedule to call me back and we can have a civil conversation, do it.” Robyn had her finger hovered over the end call button but she could hear Taron’s angry tones even as she held the phone away from her ear and frowning didn’t end the call.

“You have caused such a shit storm for me Robyn and my family. There are reporters outside my home in Aber waiting to pounce on them asking questions about me and you and the photo and you have made everything so much worse by saying something so fucking ridiculous as what you did.”

“Taron I didn’t write anything under the picture! I only saw the bloody article this morning and am just as surprised as you are over the whole thing.”

“Maybe you have finally got what you wanted from me Robyn. Maybe it was your fucking plan the whole time. Five minutes of fame while dragging me and my family into the shit as you roll away with your name in lights.”

Robyn had stood up and started to pace but stopped mid-step. “Really Taron? You are going to go that low with this? I’ve spent a whole weekend with your family getting to know them.”

“And it was your idea to go for a walk, get some air. Your fucking plan executed perfectly from beginning.”

“I had nothing to do with any of this Taron. Nothing at all and you ringing me with your accusations before talking to me is such a load of fucking bullcrap. I don’t know who that Robyn Quinn is but it is not me.”

“It’s you. You got what you wanted out of me. The name in the paper next to mine, the fancy dress for the party, a visit to my family and once you had enough of everything you just fucked me over. And the quote underneath just topped the bill too. ‘Nothing like a wet sexy rocketman to get a chick’s juices flowing.’ Classy Robyn.”

“Goodbye Taron.”

Robyn ended the call once more and turned her phone off, not wanting to even give Taron the chance to try and call her back again. She wanted to scream in complete and utter frustration. She never thought she would ever feel angry at Taron but she was so enraged with him. It had been a wonderful four weeks since she had left Aberystwyth and her relationship with Taron had just gone from strength to strength, finding herself taking a few late-night calls from him in New York from the set needing to rant or talk about how great his stunt had gone. Everything was so light and cheery and the distance between them was not as much of a burden as they thought it was going to be.

That was until a new picture had been printed of them while she was in Aberystwyth and it just happened to be of Taron carrying her into the ocean. It took four weeks before it circulated in through the media and whereas the photos from Elton’s party were treated mostly with respect the new one, which appeared in the papers that morning, created a storm and those trolls behind their keyboards went into full rumour mode and she could only imagine that it was the first time Lyndsey had to pull out every magical publicist trick she could to try and calm the frenzied media tempest down. Robyn had barely arrived in work when her phone rang with an extremely irritated Taron on the other end giving her shit over it all. She had actually arrived nearly an hour late because she was so caught up on social media, reading the tweets on her feed that mentioned Taron and her and Emma had called her to find out where she was. Fans were on speculation overload and everyone was convinced that Robyn had definitely known Taron beforehand and that they were on holiday in Florida and just happened to be caught out because of what happened, fans slating Taron for keeping their relationship a secret, other attacking Robyn for being with him.

As she scrolled through her Tumblr before work, she saw the link to the newspaper article that had printed the picture and story and it was the first time she had purposely looked at comments since she had left Taron’s home, keeping her promise to him completely about digging through the web for stories on them both. As she quickly browsed the horrible and disgusting words, there printed online for all to see was a comment that had been posted by a ‘Robyn Quinn’ and she had cringed at the revolting and sickening words that were under the name, her name. It was the first time she had ever seen another name like hers and it stung her to read the words that were associated with her name.

And then Taron’s call had just pushed her over an edge she was determined not to walk over and now she was beyond angry not just with the situation but with him as well. She knew the conversation they had on the beach in Aberystwyth about the media meant a lot to Taron and for them to come to a compromise was very important to him and Robyn had absolutely kept her promise to him and she had actually enjoyed how freeing it was not be so involved in social media and worrying about what everyone was saying about Taron or her. That was why she was so surprised by his initial reaction to the new photo but as his tone became more heated and his words more vicious and hurtful, she found herself almost at the boiling point with how mad she was with him. They had such an open communicative relationship, or so she thought and to hear him just run away with his words and not even wait to listen to an explanation and when she tried to talk to him he lost it with her, blaming her for the story and everything that came with it.

“Fucking arsehole.” Robyn muttered to herself and tried to compose herself and her mood by taking some deep breathes. Knowing her whole day was going to be completely distracted by Taron, she walked back towards the building and after entering the code into the keypad, into her office, slumping down into her chair, dropping her phone onto the desk.

“Do I even want to know?” Asked Emma as she took in Robyn’s face, a perfect mixture of angry frustration and sadness.

Robyn didn’t answer her but went back to her computer, typing up the programme of events for the parents Christmas night she was organising and although she was supposed to be concentrating the work piled up on her desk, her thoughts were constantly on Taron. So much so she had written his name six times in the programme. As the day wore on, the more infuriated she became with Taron, his phone call and his attitude. To have just rung her without letting her explain herself and to have the cheek and audacity to accuse her of writing something so disgusting about them. After everything they had been through together that he would even think she would disrespect him like that, or even herself like that.

When she arrived home that same Tuesday evening, her whole body and mind were filled with an unbelievable sense of betrayal. When she finally turned her phone back on, her voice mail was filled with distressing messages from parents, to accompany the phone calls and emails she had taken in her office constantly through the day. Along with the heated messages from parents, were narky voice mail rants from Taron, with each one his voice raising in angered tones, his words becoming more hurtful and unkind. It was the last voicemail that left tears in her eyes and a hole in her heart.

‘If you can’t be bothered to answer my calls then that speaks fucking volumes Robyn. You are a coward who can’t face the reality of the situation, one which you caused. Such childish behaviour, leaving me to deal with the consequences. I knew you never cared for or loved me. What an act. No wonder you got all of those roles. Batted your eyelashes and sang a song. Just stay the fuck away from me and my family. I trusted you Robyn, with my life and all I got was a fake fucking nobody who just wanted the attention. Maybe you should have just left me under that fucking shelf, bleeding. Probably would have been the best decision for everyone all round.’

It was his message that helped her make the quickest and probably most stupid decision she had ever made.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Matthew watched in the monitor as Taron messed up his lines for the eight time, calling cut looking to his assistant with a raised eyebrow. Taron was never one to be so unprepared or have an ability to fluff his lines and miss his mark so easily but so far since they started filming early that morning, Taron had very much been off his game.

“Taron do you need five?” He shouted over to him but his lead actor shook his head back in return. “Alright then. Let’s roll it again.” He waited for everyone to get into position and once he was satisfied, shouted action.

He held his breathe as Taron got to the line he had already made many mistakes with and sighed with relief as he finally said it smoothly and the scene could move on. Filming outside Bryant Park was chaotic and the weather although beautiful, the cold of a New York winter was really starting to creep in and he wanted to get the park scene filmed before the light became dark but it was becoming more difficult as Taron missed yet another line.

“Cut!” Yelled Matthew once again and he cringed when the curse Taron gave echoed to his ears. “Taron…” He could see the frustration in Taron’s eyes behind the Kingsman glasses as he jogged over. “Let’s just take some time out for a minute. Grab a coffee.”

“No Matthew. I can get it.”

“No offense Taron but you are not getting it. I am calling a fifteen-minute break.”

“Matthew…”

“I am speaking as your director now. Go and take a break and then come back to me with your head cleared and ready to get this scene done. There is only about three hours of light left.”

“No I can get it done. One more.” Insisted Taron.

“Taron…”

“One more.”

Matthew sighed. “One more but if you miss the mark then we are taking the break.”

With a nod, Taron ran back to his spot on the steps of Bryant Park and filled his lungs with the cold December air, trying to use the air to clear his head too. It had been a very long time since he had let his personal issues affect his work and his head at the moment was all kinds of messed up and endless thoughts of betrayal, confusion and irritation raced through his mind. Inside he could still feel the anger pulling at his skin, pinching him every so often to remind him of how the one person he thought he could rely on for anything had revealed her true colours in the most hurtful way. Through her perfect use of words. Robyn had always been so good with her words to manipulate everything to her way and he was so mad at himself for falling for her beautiful blue eyes and pretty face. Apart from his family, anyone he had ever let close to his heart had hurt him and Robyn had been no different but her broken loyalty was crushing him and each crush just squeezed his anger further to the surface.

“And action!”

Concentrating as hard as he could on being Eggsy, cool and composed Kingsman spy, Taron focused on the job at hand and not the fact that Robyn had not answered one of his voicemails, realising his nickname for her suddenly had a double meaning. She was a chicken, avoiding facing the truth, ignoring the mess she had made.

Matthew sighed with relief as Taron finally got the scene perfect and the take was able to continue as the characters spoke to each other at the bottom of the steps. He was relieved when the take was finally successful.

“And cut. Right lets just get set up so we can get them running up the steps and then we will move into the park.”

The camera was moved into position for the next scene and Matthew was checking his script notes when he heard a little commotion behind him.

“I am sorry but this is a closed set. You cannot be here.”

“Oh I was just looking for Taron.”

Matthew’s head turned when he heard a new accent around him. He was so used to hearing the twang of a New Yorkers, his ear easily picked up on the sweet tones of an Irish one. He noticed a woman standing beside their runner. Taron had told him that the woman who saved his life was Irish and blonde along with a many other things and he quickly put two and two together. This was Robyn.

“Joe it’s ok you can let her through.”

The runner stepped aside and the blonde walked his way. “Robyn?” He questioned.

“Yeah sorry for turning up like this. I was looking for Taron and knew he was filming at the park today. Thought it was the best place to find him. You are Matthew, right?”

“That is me.” Matthew held out his hand to shake hers. “It is nice to finally meet you. I have heard a lot about you from Taron. I am pleased you were around in that 7/11 to help him.”

Robyn gave a little smile. “Shooting this movie in December in New York? I am sure you are delighted.”

Matthew laughed. “Well we have been blessed with the weather so far and maybe you might bring a little extra Irish luck with you. You seem to do that no matter where you go.”

“Well don’t blame me if it starts to rain then.”

They laughed a little. “Taron never mentioned you were coming to see him.”

“Ahh yes. It’s kind of a surprise. I didn’t want him to know. I am sorry for just turning up like this. I know his filming schedule so just took a chance. Thought it would be a nice surprise for him.”

“Well I am very glad to see you. He has been in rotten form all day so maybe a visit from you might help sort his shit out.”

“Sort his shirt out?”

“Missed a few lines and marks. It is not like him at all.”

“Oh I see.”

“Can you wait another few minutes before you see him? I am a little behind schedule and if I can get this next scene in one take, I will be very happy and can give everyone a lunch break.”

“Yep that’s fine. I will hide here until he is done.”

“Thank you.”

Robyn stepped back and allowed Matthew to take his place back at the camera, making sure she was hidden behind the camera men and other people working on set. She only had to mention her name at the barrier and her cheeky chance had paid off, the words ‘Taron’s Robyn’ being enough to get her through security and up to where the director was working. Matthew shouting action, had her looking towards the steps of the park where Taron, dressed in his full Kingsman suit and glasses and another actor were about to engage in what looked like hand to hand combat, the director completely engrossed in the action of the scene and concentrating on the actors, making sure they made their marks.

With everyone distracted by the filming, Robyn took her chance and side stepping around the filming equipment, walked right onto the stone footpath in front of the steps, in full view of the camera and started to walk up the steps.

“Wait wait! Stop! CUT!” Yelled Matthew. “What the…” He watched as the young woman he had just been speaking too got in the way of the action sequence and right into the middle of the scene he was trying to film and had been desperate to capture all day.

Once he heard the words cut, Taron turned to look down to the director. He was sure he had met every move and not messed up this time and he froze when he saw an all too familiar face walking up the steps towards him.

“Robyn?” His breathe hitched in his throat and his stomach dropped as she took the steps two at the time to get closer to him. Dressed in jeans and a black hoodie, her hair tied up in a very messy pony tail, she looked exhausted and furious. “Robyn…” He stopped talking when she stopped two steps away from him and taking her hands from the pockets of her jumper, threw them up the air and towards him. He lost his balance for a second when yellow post-its flew at him and fluttered down on top of him.

“Calling me a coward and then not returning my calls? Cutting them off every time? Who do you think you are calling me a child yet a child knows how to stop and listen? You have absolutely no right to talk to me like you have done. I have been nothing but a friend to you Taron. You ring me accusing me of doing something but don’t have the decency to let me defend myself. You immediately assume that I would do something as sickening as that, under a picture of us and tell me that all I wanted was my fifteen minutes of fame? How dare you treat me like shit when I have given my whole heart to everything I have ever done for you.” Robyn was over gesturing with her hands but standing in front of him, remembering what he had done, she couldn’t help the furious tone of her voice. “We sat on that beach and we made a compromise, one I have followed through to no end, even deleting my twitter account and creating a brand new one twice to keep our privacy. I sat with you in my house, in my arms comforting you when you started to have severe anxiety about the media finding out about what had happened to you. I answered every phone call you made to me once our story got out and I calmed your fears and worries every time things got a bit too much for you. I stepped into your world without question and never once told you how it honestly made me feel, and went out of my way to book a fucking new flight to get to you because you needed me there at Elton’s party. I visited your home and gave my all to your family, your beautiful family who took me in as their own.”

As Taron took a step backwards up a step, she followed him putting her own foot on the next step and moving forwards. “I have been nothing but honest, truthful and open with you since you sat on the floor in the 7/11 bleeding out and you put your hand on my shoulder and told me I shouldn’t hold my emotions and thoughts in but as fucking usual I open my heart and my life to someone, a man, and they stamp all over it. You ambushed me on the phone and never even gave me the chance to explain anything Taron. You immediately accuse me of writing that comment because it was under my name. Call me out on it all you want Taron but I have done nothing wrong here. Executed the perfect fucking plan so my name could be splashed all over the media? Having stupid teenage girls call me a slut and money grabbing whore because I did something that saved your life? How is that fucking fair on me? Like I said on the phone to you yesterday, it always comes down to Taron and how Taron feels and what Taron wants. My feelings and emotions never come into play because I am not in the public eye. I am just a lowkey old supervisor who means nothing when it comes down to all, right? Can’t have your reputation fucking ruined. You’re the bloody coward Taron. Can’t face the truth of the situation. That someone is prepared to stand up for themselves. I really thought you were different but you are so far up your own egotistical arse. I don’t exist. Such a fucking coward.” Robyn turned to walk away but quickly turned face him again. “Also, don’t you think something as serious as saying it would have been a lot better if I had of just left you bleeding under the shelf is best said in person rather than through a voice mail? It’s so nice to finally know the truth of what you actually think of me. Enjoy your life Taron. Afterall, you only have it because I gave it back to you when your heart stopped beating.”

As quickly as she ran up the steps to confront Taron, Robyn ran back down them, hot angry tears falling down her cheeks. Rushing past the men and woman who operated the cameras and the other staff and crew on the movie who stood on the set, she brushed past Matthew not even catching his eye, and back towards the barriers that kept the public from entering the set. Her heart was racing so fast, she felt like she was going to faint and her stomach twirled in painful knots, her whole body starting to shake with sobs that left her body as she ducked under the red barrier and back onto sixth avenue heading down towards Hearld Square and Macy’s. Her walk was brisk and she constantly bumped shoulders with excited tourists as they enjoyed the cheery atmosphere New York provided at Christmas. She angrily wiped tears from her face with her sleeves and shoved her hands under her arms, trying to keep them out of the crisp cold air.

As furious as she was, she was completely heartbroken but after hearing all the of the voice mails on her phone and when he wouldn’t return her calls when she tried to ring him, she just saw red and refused to have anyone accuse her without an explanation and as Taron was so sure in his conviction of her, she wasn’t going to let him bully her into accepting his reasoning, not even letting him get a word in to defend his ridiculous accusations. She had thought nothing about booking a flight to New York for early that morning, hopping on a plane in Dublin at eight, arriving in Manhattan just before two and riding a cab straight downtown to where Taron was filming. She had tried to call him back again that morning but his phone was turned off and she refused to leave a voice message just as he did, wanting to see in him the flesh to tell him how she felt.

Now that she had, she briskly walked back towards thirty-fourth street, ready to hail a cab  back to JFK to wait for her flight home that evening. She had enough of the drama and was keen to go back home to the safety of her four walls where she could deal with her emotions in the way that had always worked for her and was ready to throw a certain blue dinosaur along with two pieces of clothing wrapped in two strings of photos straight into the bin.

(Ok just a little note here, I know that during Christmas in Bryant Park in New York is a wonderful Christmas market, I was there last Christmas, however for the flow of the story that market is not currently on and only part of the park has been closed off for filming. It’s all just fiction at the end of the day and just works in my head for the tension and dramatic effect :) )

[themilky-way]

Late Work {t.h}

gif credit: peteparkrrs on Tumblr!

pairing: tom holland x female! reader

summary: in which you refuse to come to bed due to your studies, causing your boyfriend to become pouty. 

warnings: um there’s some close proximities between two people but other than that, just pure sweetness and fluff :)

author’s note: so I rewrote this after finishing it all up because I forgot to save it and I was just about to post it when I realized it and I’m like rewriting this while crying; this is also not proofread bc I have lost the ability to read but on a very happier note, leave some requests for me if you would like!

----------

loads of open books and scrunched up papers surrounded the cream colored desk, uncapped highlighters leaving colorful streaks on the wood of the table. your eyes scanned each paragraph of the book and occasionally switched the highlighter for a pen, leaving detailed notes on important segments. this was your life for the past couple of days, except tonight the location was different. 

your boyfriend, tom, had sent you a message informing you that he was off of work a little earlier today and that you could come over if you would like to. you happily agreed, wanting to see your lovely boyfriend and to be able to catch up with him on everything that has happened. 

when you got to his apartment, you and tom prepared a a nice and warm lunch, taking up a large chunk of time playing video games after that. you both were having tremendous fun, playing live against other players and him giving you a heads up whenever there was a zombie creeping up on you. that all came to an end, though, when you remembered you still had a study guide to fill out. 

tom told you to take as much time and space as you needed for you to concentrate, turning down the television volume so it wouldn't as audible. this sequence of events lead to your current state, hands running up and down your face and through your hair in stress. it had been two hours since you started studying and frankly, you still had no idea how Shakespearean language was interpreted. it was 9:05 p.m. when tom walked into the bedroom and noticed your position. he walked over to you and placed a reassuring hand on your shoulders before saying, “darling, I think you should come to bed now. it’s kind of late and you need to rest.”

with your free hand, you reached up and placed it on top of his hand and gave it a light squeeze. you looked up at him warmly and informed him that you would go to bed as soon as you would finish annotating the act of the play. he kissed the top of your head before nodding and walked back to his bed, arranging the sheets for his sleep. he lifted to covers of his bed and got under them, placing them on top of his body once he was settled in. opting to scroll through his social media, both you and tom lost track of time. he flicked his eyes to the top of his dimly lit phone screen and read the time: 9:45 p.m.

tom felt his eyes become heavy with sleep and his body aching from all of the stress and stunt scenes from his own work. he reached over the bed to place his phone on the nightstand and turned to face you, seeing you hurriedly scribbling something on the margin of the book. 

“(y/n), can you please come to bed now? I’ll help you finish your studies tomorrow morning, just come get some sleep.” you turned around in your chair to see him propped up on his elbow and his eyes closing and then opening abruptly, staying awake being too hard at this point. when you laid eyes on tom in his groggy state, your heart began pounding, butterflies awoke in your stomach and danced, and your head became fuzzy just from watching him try to stay awake for you. 

as much as you wanted to comply to his request, you had to finish your study guide at the moment. you opened your mouth to object, but tom saw your intentions and spoke before you could even mutter a syllable.

“nuh-uh, no ‘buts’ allowed here,” he sleepily slurred, “you will come to bed and we will wake up when we are fully recharged, hopefully not before ten o’clock in the morning, though.” you saw his lips turn into a teeny pout, his hands reaching out and grasping at the air as if to hug you. a complete child, you thought to yourself, rolling your eyes and a small grin tugging at your lips. 

you got up and organized your papers and books in a neat pile on the desk, turning off the desk lamp when you were finished. since you were already in your sleep attire (basically tom’s shirt and sweatpants) you walked over to the other side of the bed and lifted the covers slightly to get under. once the blankets were rolled all the way to your necks (this is normal I swear), tom pulled you closer to his chest and placed a soft kiss to your forehead, a soft hum of appreciation leaving his lips. your hands wrapped around his clothed torso as you let your body succumb to his warmth, tom already having been under the covers beforehand.  

you both shifted a couple of times to find a comfortable position to sleep in, and when you finally did, you whispered to tom, “I love you.”

“I love you too, darling,” was tom’s reply. 

[jeonandjoonie]

All for Seokjin, Part 1

posted on wattpad and this tumblr only.

All for Seokjin part 1, Part 2(Final)

Your attempt to get with Seokjin. college au. Seokjin X Reader.

 word count: ~7k

W: no i did not look over this, and no i do not know how this will end :)

=========================================================

You walked by the gym pool listening to Hitman Bang. Waiting for the time to hit 8am for your morning aerobics class. You had 45 minutes left, having rushed over to your collage campus to get a close parking space.

Your phone vibrated indicating a text message from your friend Yuri saying she wasn’t going to come to this class as she decided to study for an astrology exam later for that day.

You internally screamed for a moment at the thought of not having your friend while you repeatedly stepped on blocks while listening to “We are Bullet Proof pt. 2”.

As you turned a corner you decided to wander inside the gymnasium. You peeked through the doors to see a couple of guys throwing the ball around. You were about to continue walking when you saw your crush Kim Seokjin. You internally sighed thinking about how beautiful he is. Broad shoulders on display as he threw the ball back to his friends. You knew nothing about Seokjin. Besides his name which you happen to catch on orientation day. However, one thing you were certain about was his body. The way he talked, the way he used over exaggerated hand gestures. The line of his legs. His broad shoulders. His rosy lips, and the playful glint in his eyes. The genuine happiness of seeing how his friends all laughed at what he was saying. You saw his eyes close with laughter, and the way his face became red as he pretended to be offended.

As you imagined your hands trailing through his soft brown hair, your eyes lingered to his eyes only to have him staring back at you. Your eyes widen in shock and you quickly moved out of the door way. You felt your face heat up and you ran away as far as you can.  You find yourself in a bathroom stall that was next to the gym. You took cover in there for a while as you catched your breath.

You never thought you would be in a situation where you are viewed as a wirdeo. Why did you run? You should have just casually smiled or nodded and retuned walking as if you were lost or looking for someone else. Gosh, he probably thinks you are a freak. But you’re sure he possibly didn’t see all of you.

As you finally got courage to exit the bathroom you walked out. I mean there’s no way he would be outside waiting for you, right?

And sure enough, he wasn’t waiting for you. This twisted love story you were hoping for does not exist. Honesty you expected him to be waiting for you outside, expected some love story in which he is leaning against the wall and ask you what you are doing as he tilts his head and a smirk appears on his flawless face. Defeated you walked out of the building.

You first saw Seokjin in your college orientation of your freshman year. You sat next to him during the lunch break. He was so focused on eating that he never noticed you staring right at him. The way he filed up his cheeks as he ate and laughed with his friends siting next to him, friends you later find out are Jung Hoseok and Kim Namjoon. You were alone that day, as your friends went to other schools. And the only people you knew had orientation on a different day. You picked up his name by peeking at his packet sheet. He was an acting major. His name Kim Seokjin.

You never saw him again despite you attempt of trying to casually pass him by the theater department. It wasn’t until the beginning of this year, of your junior year, that you saw him again. You were sitting at the library typing away on an essay when someone sat next to you. You didn’t pay the person any attention as you were so engrossed and on a roll on your paper. It wasn’t until you felt burnt out that you decided to go home. You tucked your laptop away and stood up to see the boy next to you. He looked familiar. He looked up and gave you a casual smile, you retuned it and rushed away. As you were walking thinking of the boys stunning smile, despite that it was closed lip and shy, it was so bright and memorizing. Then you realized it was Hoseok. You didn’t know his name then, but you remembered him.

Suddenly feelings of Seokjin rushed to your brain. You remembered your countless nights trying to find any social media of his but never finding it. You did have a few suspect accounts that were all on private and despite your urge to create a fake account you never did it. Soon Seokjin became a distant loving memory in the back of your mid as you walked the campus filled of hungry and deprived students.

But now Hoseok, or as you know him at the time Seokjin’s friend, was inside the library. You did something you always said you wouldn’t do. You swallowed your pride and waited outside the library in a bench. Trying to come off as a “need for a change of environment to write” you continued to write your essay with little advancement as you typed wordlessly. For a second you were worried. What if he left in a different exit and here you are wasting your time as the sun is beginning to go down. And then Hoseok walked out. He put his earphones on as he walks briskly down the path that led to the parking lot. This was perfect as your car was also parked there. As you neared closer you realized what twisted fate this was. Hoseok’s black Toyota car was parked right next to your Hyundai. You paused how awkward would this be. He didn’t see you outside the library or noticed you walking behind him. But he did see you walking out the library. Would he think of you as a wiredo. You didn’t want that, so like a wierdo you found the closet tree and hid behind it. Thankfully the tree was big enough to cover you. So you peeked to the side and watched as he turned on his car and slowly backed out.

You looked for that car every time you parked, you even opted on missing some perfect parking spaces just to be near that location. All that work paid off when you saw his car one more time.  He was parked right next to you. So, you sat in your car rolled down your window and waited as you scrolled through your phone. You convinced yourself, this isn’t suspicious behavior. Almost all students sit in their cars waiting for their classes to begin not wanting to sit in the quad and be bothered.

You heard males voices. Your ears trained on their conversation.

“C’mon Hoseok, give me a ride, I don’t want to wait for Seokjin. He’s so slow in taking exams”.

Seokjin.

“Fine. Fine, but I’m going straight home, you can tell him to get you from there. I’m so tired from studying for that exam”.

“Aay Namjoon, so who was that girl earlier?”

“Don’t ask me” A new voice said. “That’s Yoongi’s business”.

“Shes no one” You heard the second voice respond. All the voices laughed.

You heard doors opening so you slowly turned your head over just to make sure. Sure enough, you see Hoseok laughing as he climbed into the car.

Within you vision blonde hair appeared.  You didn’t pay much attention to it. You were trying to remember all the names you heard, Hoseok, Namjoon, and Yoongi. When suddenly the blonde hair turns around and you find yourself face to face with this beautiful (and deadly) boy. You were so shocked with the exposure and his soft features that you stood there like a deer in headlights. You felt guilty for eaves dropping, but they didn’t know that.

“hey” The voice said.

“He-Hello”. You replied. Looking down.

“Do I know you?”

“Me?” You ask dumbly. “Uhh I’m not sure. I don’t think so”. You could feel a blush forming into your cheeks. Normally this stuff wouldn’t bother you. But this boy is beautiful, he knows Seokjin, and you were just eaves dropping on his conversation.

He looked at you as he tilted his head. He raised his eyebrows and said, “No, I do. Last Semester Poetry” He said more to himself.

“Yeah I guess” you replied, as you did in fact take poetry last semester. Then it hit you. Rapper boy.

In your poetry class there was this guy who never showed his face. He always covered himself with a bucket hat and wore mask all day. That and the fact that you sat up front, so you never bothered to look behind you. This boy would always write “raps” for the workshops. You can’t even make fun of him through because they were good. Although one was questionable (A-to the G to the U to the STD), the memory of that day almost made you laugh. You remember having this urge to look around to see if anyone felt that same as you did.

If you would’ve known the boy under the bucket hat and hidden behind the mask was this beautiful. If you would’ve known this was Seokjin’s friend. You would have shamelessly partnered up with him during every activity.

“Hey Yoongi! Do you want a ride or what?” You hear Hoseok shout out.

Yoongi gave you a nod as you giggled (yes, you were trying to be cute. He unfortunately did not seem affected by it).

He got into the car and they drove away.

If you were to say you didn’t wait in your car for one more hour after hearing that Seokjin is still taking an exam you would be lying. You waited, and he never came.

After seeing these 3 boys, you started to notice them everywhere, including Seokjin as you started to look around you. Never in your life did you realize how tall your schools’ trees are as you became more aware of your surroundings. All for Seokjin.

Now hear you are in your aerobics class. Excited that you saw Seokjin once more. That’s twice this month.

Later that night as you showered you really had to reflect on yourself. What are you doing? You are really coming off as a stalker. You’ve made up your mind  that you are going to talk to Seokjin. If you continued this way then you would definitely be a stalker or some wiredo.

Tomorrow, no matter what you WILL talk to Seokjin. Even if its with just one of his friends.

The following weeks you were on a hunt for Yoongi, or rapper boy. You only managed to catch him once walking towards an Art building. You were with Yuri, she was planning your tactic on getting Hitman Bang tickets for his upcoming stadium tour. You saw Yoongi with his earphones on. So, you knew you had to be loud and direct. You fast walked up to him as smoothly as you can.

“Yoongi!” you yelled in his face. Yoongi looked at you shocked. You startled him, but you were expecting that, so you didn’t really care. He slowly removed an earphone. He looked behind you almost worriedly. You turned around to see a girl staring at both of you with a concerned look.

You turned back to him. “uhh… Yoongi”.

“Yes...Who are you?”

You cannot believe this as if he didn’t approach you first in the car and now he was going to act as If he didn’t know you.

You felt a presence behind you before you can respond. Annoyed with both Yoongi and this obvious presence that doesn’t understand space. You stepped aside allowing them to come into the conversation. You looked to the person, already guessing it was the girl.

Silence.

“So umm” Yoongi started with a cough.

“Yoongi, I am only hear because you told me to meet you here.” The girl said firmly.

Oh dang. Were you getting in the way? Embarrassed and feeling confident that someone would think you were enough to be a threat, you laughed.

‘oh, I just saw you Yoongi and wanted to ask you a question”.

Yoongi nodded for you to go on, before sneaking a glance at the girl.

“You…uh… you are still… rapping right?” you said slowly.

“Yeah” he simply responded.

“Well… I uhh… I write poetry” you begin, “and I wanted to perhaps add music to it, So I was wondering if you can give me some tips or you know anything to possibly get into it. Maybe a show I can attend or an event?”

You heard the girl next to you snort. Obviously thinking this was your way of trying to be flirty and get close to him.  

Yoongi just looked at you. I mean he really looked at you.

You were dressed in blue jeans, a gray shirt and a green cardigan. He remembers your poetry was sweet and strangely depressing, for someone who opts for icy pink gloss.

‘Yeah... sure...” he finally says. “I... uh... actually I’m going to perform this weekend if you want to stop by and get into the crowd. I’ll introduce you to a couple people I know”.

Perfect.

You knew Yoongi was inviting you to get more people to his show, but you didn’t care it was a win for everyone.

“Yeah sure” You said a bit to enthusiastic.

Once again earning a snort from the girl next to you.

“Here I’ll give you my number and text you the location. The venue isn’t confirmed yet” He shyly said.

You quickly got your phone that was in your back pocket. He said his numbers out loud and you called him.

“That’s mine you said” as his ringtone of some Travis Scott song come on.

“Okay see you then!” you said cheerily, turning around just in time to see the girl roll her eyes.

“What do you want Yoongi?” you heard her ask annoyed.

“I Just wanted to see you, ___ (If you’re a Yoongi stan ayy)”.

You meet up with Yuri, who waited for you by distracting herself with some study abroad booth.

“who was that?” she asked as you joined her. Picking up a pamphlet to Spain.

“Him… Oh, Yoongi, he’s in or was in my poetry class I just asked him about some competition”.

Yuri turned to you with a smirk “sure...”

Before you can protest she smiled saying “He’s cute”.

You wanted to slap her. Cute? He’s Beautiful, gorgeous. Frankly you were proud of yourself for not stuttering in front of him.

“He’s okay” you responded.

“okay, is that why you were so bubbly for him and got his number”

Your eyes went wide.

“Ummm NO, Yuri as you can see he’s with some girl”.

“ouch, sorry” she said laughing.

You turned back to Yoongi and the Girl to see him smiling like a goof. This was the first time you seen such a smile on him. Well actually you haven’t seen him enough to know but with the way he acted and the couple times you seen him you never excepted him to make such an expression. The girl herself was even wearing some goofy simile, contrary to her icy vibe from before.

You only wished you and Seokjin could see each other like that one day.

 You got Yoongi’s text friday night. He said it was at some bar Saturday night at like 9:30. He and his crew, some D-town name, are going to perform. He also added a “bring your plus ones”. You felt bad for Yoongi. Like yeah right you were going to bring people with you only to flood you with questions of why you were going to see some rap kids perform. You didn’t even go to slam poetry readings.

However, after googling the bar and seeing how it was in a questionable part of town and right next to a strip club and a pool place. You decided maybe its best to come with people. Yuri was not an option. You knew that girl would find out all your plans and secrets of your longing for Seokjin. You weren’t going to ask any of your other friends because they were going to think you were crazy or trying to sell them off. So, you texted your cousin to come with you. He likes rap music. He was younger then you, so you made sure to demand him to come.

He said hell only go if he can bring his friends. Of course, you complied.   The more men, even if they were little boys the better. They were freshmen in college. And maybe Yoongi would be happy you brought some “dudes”.

 You got your cousins text message that he was outside your house. He was going to drive you because he knew if you took your car you would play only Hitman Bang.  

You walked out to see his small black car and noticed three other bodies in the back.  You opened the door to the smell of vanilla.

You were wearing black jeans, your black low-heeled ankle boots, and a black jacket. You didn’t know what one would wear to a rap place, but this seemed acceptable enough. You looked at your cousins’ clothes and saw brands and words all over. Guess some cool kid clothes. Something about Anti or whatever.

“AAY, __”. He said putting the car to drive.

“Hey” You replied cautions of the guys behind you.

“So, this Jimin, Taehyung, they are my roommates”. You cousin went to a different university. Honestly you were thankful he came given the fact that he was 2 hours away. But you’re sure they don’t mind. Some horny freshman wanting to see the world.

‘Hey!” they said in unison. All fresh and young.

“And the one in the middle is Jungkook, he’s still in high school but it’s okay”.

The boy shily smiled at you.

“Jaebum, what do you mean high school? We’re going to a bar. They are not going to let him in”.

“Its okay,” you heard a sweet voice say behind you. “I have a fake ID”.

Oh my. You were not going to go to jail.

“Uhh, how old are you, Jungkook?”

“I’m 19... I uhh failed a grade.” He said the last part quietly. The other boys snickered next to him.

“Wait, you guys are 21, right?” You knew Jaebum was 21 having celebrated his birthday with the family at a park a couple months ago.

“I’m 21” the one named Jimin said.

“I’m 20, but I also got a fake ID” the other said.

Oh, god, 2 fakes.

“Okay if you guys get caught that’s on you. I don’t know you. I’m not going to jail”.

“It’s okay, nothings gonna happened relax” Taehyung said reaching into his pocket to pull out a blunt.

“Oh, hell no” you said “Put that away, I don’t want double charges” you practically shrieked.

Taehyung only chuckled “It’s okay, Relax, I got a medical Card”

“A MEDICAL CARD, Is that fake too? “

“Tae, just put it away” Jimin said.

You were grateful for Jimin as Taehyung began to put the blunt back into his pocket with a pout. That is until Jimin said

“Once she goes with her OWN friends, well be good”. You can feel the ice in his tone that fake niceness as he smiled at you. You couldn’t see him as you were facing up, but you just knew he was smiling as you heard all the boys in the car snicker.

“Yes” You replied, “not wanting to be beat by the kids, “Once I find my friends, you know the ones who are Performing”.

“Yeah I just hope were not the only ones” Jaebum said “You said they are underground?’

You cannot believe your luck. You were stuck with these kids who are plain jokes.

“He’s good okay” You defended Yoongi.

Cause honestly, he was good.

“well be the judge of that” Jimin replied.

You turned around and made sure Jimin saw you rolling your eyes at him.

“oooo” Jungkook and Taehyung said, like the little kids they are.

“watch it, little girl” Jimin said lowly.

“okay” you said laughing.

You didn’t notice Jimin’s grin. Nor Jaebum’s glares at Jimin through the review mirror, nor Taehyung’s smug smile at Jimin and Jungkook nudging Jimin’s side.

 You walked inside the dimly lit bar.

Its horizontal shape led to a rounded end where you saw a group of people gathering. On top of a stage was a DJ, which was honestly just some dude with a laptop.

You sat wearily on the bar stool as you ordered your strawberry drink with minimal alcohol. You didn’t want to get drunk you had to be aware, if you wanted to get close to Seokjin.

You saw how Jungkook and Taehyung ordered tequila shots.

You rolled your eyed. As you got up to leave you were not going to be responsible for them. You couldn’t believe they got in, the security didn’t even bother to look at their ID’s. With a grunt, he simply allowed you all to enter.  

You walked up to the crowd this is where the “party” will happen. You heard murmurs and tried to find the words Seokjin among them.

The only voices you heard was Jaebum, as he and his friends gathered behind you.

A minute later and the lights in the dimly light corner turned off. The loud blare of the typical horn that you find in rap battles went off. You heard a pre recorded “D-BOY” and you knew instantly it was Yoongi. Sure, enough the lights turned on and Yoongi appeared at the center of the stage.

The rap began, and the music followed. It was an okay show you couldn’t even enjoy it, nor could you process the fact that Namjoon or RM, as he is known here, got on stage. You were so caught up on trying to find Seokjin. What if he didn’t even come and you simply wasted your time. Which wasn’t so wasted as Yoongi and RM weren’t so bad.

Then you saw Hoseok.

“Come on”, you shouted in Taehyungs ear who was at your left. Taehyung didn’t hear you as he was too busy feeling the music. He had his hands out shouting AAAYYY and OOOOs . You turned around to see all boys into the performance.

You kept your eye on Hoseok, not wanting to lose him.

The show ended and you quickly grabbed Taehyungs hand.

“Don’t you want to meet them?” you asked him not waiting for an answer as you saw his grin appear.

You grabbed onto his wrist and dragged him across the floor to where you had your eyes on Hoseok.

You knew the others would follow along like ducklings.

You didn’t realize how many people were there as you squeezed yourself through the crowd. When did they all show up?

You appeared in front of Hosoek who looked confused as you approached him.

“Hey” he said in a low voice, trying to seduce you yet confused as you still held Taehyungs wrist.

“Hi, you’re Yoongis friend yes?” you asked knowing the answer “Agust D” He corrected “yeah I know him”.

“Cool. Where is he I have his biggest fans here”

You heard shuffling behind you knowing full well the kids did not appreciate your comment.

“Uhh, yeah Um I think he left to an after party”. Hoseok said slowly obviously trying to think of a way to deny you kindly.

“Okay, cool, Ill just call him” you said, annoyed at him thinking you are some stalker.

“Okay well I see you there then” Hoseok smirked at you.

You smiled back at him and you pulled out your phone. You called Yoongi without second thinking and were surprised to hear him answer.

“Hello” he said.

“Yoongi! Hi, I saw you, you were so great!”

“oh” Yoongi sounded surprised, “thanks”

“Yeah, listen so I brought my little cousin and he wanted to meet you, he thinks your great. I think he wants your picture”.

“What the-“ you heard Jaebum say as his friends laughed at him.

“Uhh yeah sure, wow that’s great” You could hear Yoongis smile form as he laughed. ‘Okay hey, I’m at my place, you guys can come over I can meet you there”.

“Okay sure text me the place”.

At the car Jaebum was so confused on how he left so quickly after the show.

“How is he home already? does he think he’s like a celebrity”. He laughed as he turned a corner. “Why did he run off”.

“Yo, that’s Agust D!” Taehyung replied “he was lit”.

“Jaebum, he lives like 10 minutes away, he probably just didn’t want to linger”.

“Still did he have to zoom out”

The kids continue to laugh as you pulled up to a house. It had a fresh green grass and roses all along the side.

You weren’t sure what you were expecting for Yoongis house, but a white picket fence wasn’t it. Didn’t Hoseok say he was at an after party, why was it so quiet. All you saw was a light through the windows.

“Taehyung, since you’re his biggest fan you go up”

“What, why you’re his friend”

“Is this even his house” Jungkook asked “I thought there was a party”.

“I know me too” You replied.

“Go, Tae” you said once more. Jaebum parked the car in front of the house across the street.

“I’ll go Jimin said. “I’ll go…” Jimin didn’t finish his sentence. You were confused with his words, why did he sound so nervous. You turned around in your seat to see him staring at his hands in his lap.

“I’ll go” he repeated, more to himself.

“Okay…then go” Tae said furrowing his eyebrows.

Jaebum started to laugh, “Yo man, are you okay?”

“I’ll go!”

“Then GO!” Jungkook said pushing his side.

“I’ll go” Jimin said again.

“I’ll-”

Jimin looked up with his eyes tightly closed.

“Jimin” you began “are you-”

“I’ll GO FOR A KISS”. Jimin shouted and caused everyone to look at him. Your eyes went wide, Taehyungs jaw dropped.

“ll go for a kiss” Jimin said once more, quietly this time. “A kiss, I’ll go”.

He slowly opened his eyes and looked directly at you.

Oh hell no.

Before you can even protest Jimin gets up and plants a kiss on your forehead.

“OH man Holly –“

“What the h-”

And Taehyungs laughter is all you hear as you felt your cheeks flush red and warmth swept all over your body. At that point, Jimin dashed out the car and ran up to the door.

You turned around in you seat, “Shut up” you said, as the kids all laughed.

You felt yourself sink lower in your seat. Why was Jimin so cute?

“Hey, Hey” Jungkook said trying to contain his laughter, “he’s waving at us”.

You looked out to see Jimin waving at you guys.

“Come on let’s just go” you said trying to get away from their jeering.

As you got closer you slowed your steps until Jungkook was next to you, you quickly shuffled behind him not wanting to face Jimin alone.

“Yo man” Jungkook said as he slapped Jimins shoulder laughing. You quickly pushed past them both, as Jimin was distracted with Jungkook, and entered the house to see the girl Yoongi was with sitting on the floor with a cup in her hand. You heard low music playing and a lava light in the corner. Where you at someone’s parents’ house? Why was everything so clean and normal looking. You were expecting one old couch with weed reeking out the walls, but everything was…normal?

“Ha, so you made it” You looked down to see Hoseok laying on the floor in front of the couch.

“Yeah, I did” you said awkwardly. What kind of party was this?

You felt so out of place. This was obviously a let’s go home, listen to slow jazz, while we drink wine, and reminisce on our friendship kind of party.

“Hey, y/n” You heard Yoongi say as he come from around some corner. He was followed by Namjoon who looked to have just taken a shower. “Thanks for coming, what did you think of the show?”

“It was great, good job!” you told him, earning a smile “You were all great” you continued saying, taking your gaze to meet Namjoons who only grinned showcasing his dimples.

You saw some girl come out of a room, that turned out to be the kitchen. She carried out a big bowl full of some garlic and shrimp pasta. What the hell was going on? You were obviously intruding.

“Umm, so I don’t mean to take much of your time” you said as you saw them all gather at the coffee table.

“No, No worries” Yoongi said.

“I just have my uhh… cousin who wanted a picture” you let out, remembering your lie. You heard Jungkook snicker behind you. Yoongi looked at you smiling as if he admired you.

“Right” he said slowly.

“Right” you said in a daze. gee, what a man.

“umm” so you said quickly, “So this is Jaebum” turning around and gesturing to him like a gameshow host. “He’s my cousin and this Is Taehyung, and Jimin, and Jungkook” Your purposely avoided Jimin’s glare. “They’re your fans and would like a picture”.

“Really?” Yoongi asked them.

“Yes really!”  You answered for them, “Both of you!” you quickly added remembering Namjoon.

“Wow, already more fans, baby” you heard the second girl who brought the pasta out say. “But don’t forget I’m your number one fan” she pinched Namjoons cheeks as she said this.

“Not anymore” you thought you heard Jungkooks whisper. You turn to him to seem him glaring at the girls hands on Namjoons face. You finally meet Jimins eyes only to telepathy communicate to each other that you both heard that.

“Thanks” Yoongi said, his smile growing larger. “Here, before all that,  why don’t you guys come and eat, we got plenty for everyone!” Yoongi said scouting over to a side.

“Sure thanks” Jung kook said before any of you can politely decline.

You saw as each of them made their way over to the small table. Jungkook took a place next to Namjoon and Taehyung squeezed himself next to Yoongi. Jimin and Jaebum simply seated themselves on the couch. Not wanting to be noticeable you followed suit.

“This is so embarrassing” you whispered to Jaebum

“You said they were your friends” Jaebum whispered back.

“No like that!” you protested.

“Seokjin! Bring out more plates and sodas, we got company” Hoseok shouted. Hoseok said. Hoseok singed. Hoseok verbally articulated those beautiful words. Seokjin.

Seokjin.

Seokjin was here.

Seokjin was in this house.

You were going to see Seokjin.

You were going to hear Seokjin.

You were going to breathe Seokjin

You were going to meet Seokjin

Seokjin.

 He walked in with mismatched plates. He placed them on the table. He walked out and came back with a couple bottles of soda after having counted the new guest. He walked back out and came back with a fruit bowl. He came back with a chair and placed it off the side of the coffe table sitting directly infront of you. You saw as he got himself a blue medium sized plate and served himself a large amount of the pasta. He begins eating as he placed the plate on his lap and took out a set of chopsticks and a fork from his gray sweater. You saw him eat away happily. You thought you heard him making pleasing noise as he swallowed every bite deliciously. He kept on eating laughing occasionally as the others joked. You did the same you didn’t even realize you had a plate set up for you, be it from you own hands on auto pilot or Jaebum who served you. You took a bit from your food not taking your eyes off of the way Seokjins eyes crinkled.

The pasta hit you taste buds. It was delicious.

“Wow…this is good!” You exclaimed out loud. You didn’t mean to, but as soon as the “wow” came out you thought it would be too awkward to stop there.

You looked up to see Seokjin staring at you. His eyes meet yours.

“Thanks!” he said. You couldn’t even see his lips form those words as your eyes were captured by his stare. You couldn’t look away not when you held eye contact with Seokjin after he directed his word towards you. He knew you.

He now knows who you are.

He knows the color of your eyes and the features of you face. He knows the sound of your voice and the way you munch your food. He knows you like this taste. And given the fact that he said thanks, it seems that you are eating his food. Seokjin made this?

You are eating Seokjin’s food.

Suddenly the food taste so much better. You greedily took another mouthful of the pasta as Seokjin directed his attention back to the group.

This time you made sure to savior the taste. The way the creamy sauce slid down your throat.

You looked at Seokjin to see him looking at you curiously. He then looked at Jaebum sitting next to you.

“Who are you guys?” he asked confidently. “I don’t think I’ve seen you before”.

Your face reddens. This is your time to give him your name. For him to put  a name to your face.

“I’m Taehyung” Taehyung said from the floor.

“I’m Jimin”

“I’m Jungkook”.

“ Jaebum”

Your turn.

“Hi, I’m __”.

The girls said Hi after every name. Seokjin nodded after you gave all your names.

“I’m Seokjin” He said.

The rest introduced themselves properly.  There was only an awkward moment as everyone tried to connect the dots on how you all ended up eating pasta together tonight.

Yoongi spoke up, “I know ___ from this poetry class I had. I recently ran up to her the other day and she told me she was interested in rapping”. He said the word, “rapping” as a question. You didn’t look like the rapping type whatever that was, but then again, neither did Namjoon.

“Yeah” you piped up continuing your lie.

“Yeah, so I told you I’ll introduce you to some people” Yoongi turned to Namjoon. “This is Namjoon he produces the beats with me he’s also a good lyricist. I trust him with everything”. He turned to Hoseok, “Hoseok here is learning too, He’s really improving, you guys can learn together!” He said with fake enthusiasm as he smirked at Hoseok.

Hoseok ignored him and said “Yeah, I’m planning on releasing a mixtape soon”.

Namjoon snorted “Soon, when’s that for you? In ten years”.

The group chuckled slightly. Obviously, some inside joke. You saw as Jungkook and Taehyung also laughed. How embarrassing.

The room went silent, so you thought you should speak up.

“Umm yeah... I was thinking of…maybe, I’m not sure yet” You added not wanting to commit to anything yet. You were only here for Seokjin. “You guys performed great! I’m so glad I came”.

“Thanks” Namjoon and Yoongi said in unison.

“But yeah” you continued “I brought my cousin with me, Jaebum, and his friends came too”.

“Ahh, right” Yoongi said “You guys wanted a picture?” he asked shyly. Cute.

“Yeah, that’ll be great” Taehyung said, obviously more accepting to your lie after meeting his newfound idols.

The boys all got up and placed themselves next to Yoongi and Namjoon who stood up and posed.

You got up and took out your phone to use your phone camera.  You and the girls all took pictures and counted down telling the boys to pose this way and that way.

It was enduring to see Yoongis and Namjoons smiles as they posed with their new fans.

After you were all done taking pictures and you heard Jungkook asking for Namjoons twitter handle and soundcloud, you turned around to sit back on the coach, but you bumped into Seokjin.

“Sorry” you both said.

You saw how Seokjin was taking pictures of the boys, looking like a proud father.

Was he behind you the whole time taking pictures?

Did he smell you? Did you smell nice? Was your hair greasy? How did your body look? Did you look flattering from behind?

You sat down with a pout annoyed with being taken off guard. As you all settled down Seokjin begin to clean up the area.

“Ayy can I just crash here?’ Hoseok asked.

“On the couch” Yoongi replied to him.

“It’s okay Hoseok” Seokjin said “you can stay in my room”.

So, they all lived together besides Hoseok.

“Thanks, I wasn’t looking forward to Namjoon’s late night juice breaks”

“what is that supposed to mean?’ Namjoon asked confused.

“Where are you going?” __ (yoongi stans) asked

“Me? I’m gonna go and take a look” Seokjin said. He stood and crossed his arms looking at the group as if he was prepared for attacks.

And attacks did come.

“Again?”

“Dam are you for real?”

“take a look at what?”

“It’s his hunting”

“He’s patrolling the area, show him some respect”

“He’s protecting us”

“Your going to get hurt some day bro”

“Stop going alone”

“You’re so wirde”

“This is a bad idea”

Yoongi turned to Taehyung and whispered “This guy believes in aliens”

 ...Aliens?

“Hey stop it” Seokjin shouted.

“First” He begin holding out a finger.

“I know what I’m doing”

“Second” He held out a second finger. He turned to look at Jimin who was the closet to him.

“Yes, I believe in Alien’s, so I’m going to go look for them. I do this at least once a month. I have done my research I know what to look for and what precautions to take”.

“Thirdly” another finger “I have been doing this for 2 years now after reading a journal entry of extraterrestrial life. You can say I began my research from then on. And lastly nothing you can say will change my mind. I am looking out for aliens because I believe they are around us”.

“Four months ago, I saw a UFO over the trees down by the Myo forest. I’ve been going there since to see if I can see them again. I wasn’t able to capture an image or sound of it but now I am more prepared and alert”.

Seokjin said all this as red color began to slowly take over his face. He was confident in his belief, but he was aware of all the different reactions he could get. His friends knew him, but he wasn’t sure of what the new people would say or if they would ridicule him.

Namjoon giggled to himself the whole time while Hoseok looked at all the boys face trying to guess their reactions. Yoongi had his fist clenched with an emotionless face. He looked ready to fight anyone who would speak against his friend.

“And before any of you ask, no you cannot come with me, I don’t need a science lesson following me”.

“What!” Namjoon said defensively “I was just letting you know. I also believe in life outside our own universe, but we also need to look at facts and calculate the probability of them hanging around our solar system”.

Seokjin looked at him.

“Okay well I’m going to go get ready” he said as he disappeared into the hallway.

The room was silent for a third time.

You didn’t even know how to react. Believing in aliens wasn’t a big deal but the way that his friends were silent and how defensive and red Seokjin has gotten makes it all suspicious.

Was Seokjin some obsessed crazy alien believer?

“So how much does he believe in aliens?” Jaebum said.

You didn’t know if you should slap him or thank him for asking.

“Uhh a lot, I mean he’s not crazy!” Namjoon said shaking his head.

“Almost there” Hoseok whispered.

“Almost there” Jimin repeated out loudly.

“Hey, its not that bad” Yoongi said with a sigh.” He believes in them passionately he’s not some crazy person”.

You saw as they all kind of looked at each other and chuckled to themselves. Even Jaebum was shaking his head. Undoubtedly there were all thinking that Seokjin was on the verge of lunacy.

You didn’t like this.

Why were they speaking so badly of Seokjin? They thought of him as a crazy person.

Seokjin wasn’t crazy. Maybe.

Either way you felt like you needed to defend your man.

“I believe in Aliens” you said strongly.

You honestly had no opinion for them.

Everyone looked at you. Since you looked like you were ready to fight.

“Me too” ___ (namjoon stan) said “but not the way Seokjin does”.

You were going to slap her.

“I wish I could go…alien…hunting” even to you, as you said the words, they sounded crazy.

Alien hunting.

“Go with Seokjin then” Hoseok challenged you.

You crouched back in your seat.

Yeah” Jeabeum said patting your shoulder, “maybe if you ask him he’ll let you go”.

As much as you wanted to be with Seokjin, you weren’t sure about being in a dark forest alone with him, when even his friend thought of him as borderline crazy looking for aliens.

“uhh I don’t know” you said “He looked like he likes to go alone I wouldn’t want to be a bother to him”

“I’m sure you won’t be” yoongi said encouragingly. Obviously not getting what you were trying to say.

Hoseok laughed at you.

“I’m sure he will, he seems like a nice guy” Jimin pushed. The group (besides Yoongi) picked up on your hesitation.

“You could come” a voice bellowed from the hallway.

You all turned to look at Seokjin standing in the hallway.

“You can come with me”. He smiled at you with determination.

He was obviously like Yoongi, thinking you were sincere.

Which you were. You would like to be with Seokjin, only you would like to be doing some other activity and not alien hunting.

“nah, I think she’s good” Jaebum answered for you.

“It’s too soon” Hoseok said.

They all looked worried now. They were all trashing you at first. They didn’t think Seokjin would agree and they didn’t want you going out with him at night in some forest. You both just meet. His friends didn’t know if you were crazy and your cousin didn’t know if he was trustworthy.

Seokjin walked up to you. He held out his hand at you.

“Let’s go” he said to you. He smiled and winked at you. And suddenly.

Suddenly.

The world was beautiful.

The world was okay.

You looked at his outstretched arm to his shoulder, up the sides of his neck, to his lips, his nose, and settled on his eyes. His eyes with genuine, filled with concern and admiration. That maybe he finally has someone who understands him. As much as his friends will fight for him he knew they didn’t get it, but maybe you did. He wanted to believe that.

You wanted to believe that.

“Okay” you said as you took hold of his hand. Your mind didn’t register the “OOs” coming from the kids nor the protest of his friends.

You shyly held onto his hand and felt your smile appear.

You were going with Seokjin. You were holding Seokjin’s hand.

He knows your name.

He knows your face.

He held out his hand for you. He smiled at you. He asked you to go with him.

To the forest. At night. Alone

To go alien hunting.

[scintillating-galaxias]

i’ll be the wind beneath your wings (ch. 3)

chapter 3 of my swap gift for @peppervl​! tumblr goofed on my last attempt to post this here because my internet connection is made of some string and spitballs, so i apologize if this pops up in your feed like, six times ;u; anyway, here’s some plot!

(read it on ao3!)

-

Aziraphale awoke ungracefully. When he blearily cracked his eyes open to sunlight pouring into the shop, the very first thing he saw was a mass of black sprawling before him. With a yelp, Aziraphale slipped right out of the chair and landed hard on his rear. It took him an embarrassingly long amount of time to realize the mass had just been one of Crowley’s wings. He quickly stood, flustered as he rolled uncomfortable cricks and knots from his shoulders.

Crowley had not moved much since Aziraphale had fallen asleep. The pillows had shifted a bit, so he righted those and readjusted Crowley a bit; the sunlight gleaming through was making a brave attempt at creeping towards his face. He merely grunted a bit and accepted his relocation without stirring.

The storm had blown itself out overnight, judging by the slice of eye-watering bright blue sky in the window. Thank goodness. The gloom that seemed to have permanent residence over Soho was becoming tiresome, though Aziraphale knew what he was getting himself into when he signed the lease. He ought not to be complaining.

Still, a change was nice.

For a few minutes, he sat and watched Crowley sleep. Then, electing that was a little off-putting, he decided to continue putting his shop together. Crowley didn’t look like he would be waking up anytime soon. It was only nine-thirty in the morning. The day was his, ripe for picking. 

He stood and stopped cold before the smudges of blood on his floor. It’d dried overnight and was now completely black, or at least an impossibly dark brown. His clothes likely had matching stains from when Crowley collapsed into him. He had—he had nearly said no. He had almost said no to Crowley, his… his…

What was Crowley to him? His friend, certainly. But friend didn’t quite fit. Friend couldn’t fit, not after having been through nearly six thousand years of life on Earth together. Partners? In the unromantic sense? Could he say that without having discussed it with Crowley? Probably not.

He fidgeted with the cuffs of his coat, glancing back to Crowley’s sleeping form as though he would be awake and complaining about how loud Aziraphale was thinking. What Crowley had said while he bled out on Aziraphale’s floor… he had been right—to an extent. Aziraphale was an angel. An angel’s duty was to protect those who fell under their care. Currently, Crowley was under his care; therefore, he was going to take care of him. Yes, he was a demon, and yes, Aziraphale, by all the logic and all the rules burned into his very being, technically shouldn’t be nursing him back to health. But first and foremost, he was Aziraphale’s friend. He thought Crowley knew that, but evidently, he was incorrect.

The heavy ache from last night returned, accompanied by guilt. Both settled like hot stones in his gut. Had—had Crowley concluded that Aziraphale honestly did not like him? But why would he still offer drinks and lunches together and walks in the park if he thought Aziraphale didn’t like him? Did he consider Aziraphale to be his friend, but not the other way around? That didn’t make sense. If that were true, why would he stay? Why not throw in the gloves and walk away?

Didn’t know where else to go.

He had come to Aziraphale. Despite everything, he had come to Aziraphale.

“I’m sorry,” he said to Crowley. “I was foolish. I hope you can find it in you to forgive me.”

As it turned out, demon blood did not budge when one attempted to miracle it away, so Aziraphale spent a bit of time hemming and hawing until he had the idea to dig up his spare vial of holy water from where it had been buried beneath his recently acquired copy of the Buggre Alle This Bible. He experimentally tipped a bit of it onto the stains. The second the holy water touched it, the blood began to smoke profusely and hiss like oil in a hot pan. Alarmed, he whipped around to see if it had woken up Crowley—it hadn’t. So he hurried and did the rest, wincing as piercing squeals joined the smoke and hissing. Crowley didn’t even twitch, which Aziraphale couldn’t decide was a reason for relief or concern. 

He checked Crowley’s temperature—hot, so he placed a clean rag dampened with cold water on his forehead. He tidied the blankets and unnecessarily fluffed the pillows (again). Then he tottered away for a few minutes to miracle the rest of his shelves together and float them about to where he saw fit. Nothing seemed to work, though. It was always too close or too far, too cluttered or too empty, too much or too little. He redid it around fourteen times before he gave up and decided to unpack his books. His hands got antsy, flitting randomly from crate to crate with no discernable logic in the way he pulled them out. Soon he was taking books out only to put them in another container. This wasn’t an effective method to soothe his frayed nerves. Perhaps tea would do the trick. 

As he was sipping the last of his tea from the mug, he happened to glance at the face of the now-unwrapped grandfather clock. It was ten.

It was ten.

Thirty minutes had passed.

Aziraphale groaned and undid all of the miracles on the shelves. Maybe doing actual manual labor would take his mind off things.

As it turned out, it did. He couldn’t hammer the nails in with a lot of force if he didn’t want to wake Crowley up, though he was sure nothing short of the end of the world would wake him at this point. Most of his concentration went to making sure his hits were controlled and correct, but quiet. 

Around hour four, Aziraphale took another break. Fate must have it out for him because as soon as he straightened up, he spotted a couple peeking curiously through the windows. Purely by accident, he caught their eye. They waved at him and gave him a look that clearly said, We’re coming in! Aziraphale’s mind went blank. The couple disappeared, then the door to the shop began to open. With a sharp clap of his hands, two of his new shelves slammed together to block his study-to-be and Crowley from sight.

“Goodness!” exclaimed the woman as she stepped in through the doorway. She had a parlous hairdo piled atop her head that looked a second away from toppling over. “Busy, are you?”

“No, no, not at all,” Aziraphale replied with a strained grin. A glance behind him revealed he had miscalculated where Crowley’s body was; the top of his red head was still visible. “How are you faring today?” he asked as he discreetly scooted over.

“Excellent, thank you,” beamed the man. He had a fashionably twirled mustache that he curled around his finger as he spoke. “And you?”

“Ah, well, been busy setting up shop.” Aziraphale swept his arm about the shop. “My last shipment should be coming soon if the ship didn’t get sunk in the storm.”

“I certainly hope not!” said the woman. She bent to examine a weathered scroll. “Are these authentic?” she asked, one gloved hand hovering over the yellowed parchment.

“Very.” It took a mighty good bout of restraint to keep himself from rushing over and placing himself between her and his scrolls. “I must ask you not to touch them.”

She immediately took her hand back. “Goodness, of course. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“The devil would have your hand for less than that, Martha,” said the man. “So, is this a new museum, or…?”

“A bookshop,” Aziraphale said proudly.

The man squinted. “I don’t see a whole lot of books.”

“George,” chided Martha, placing a soothing hand on his arm. “Use your wits. The man’s clearly only been here a few days.”

“Quite right, my dear.” George sniffed his red nose, which made his mustache twitch. “Forgive me.”

“It’s no trouble, really,” said Aziraphale, and it wasn’t. “I—”

A loud, rumbling snore cut him off. George and Martha blinked and peered around.

“Is someone else here?” asked Martha.

“Erm—no,” Aziraphale said quickly. “I found a, ah, a family of squirrels that the previous owner failed to notify me about that has moved in upstairs.”

“Upstairs?” said Martha. She leaned around, trying to look around Aziraphale. Her hair swayed precariously.

“Those sound like awful big squirrels,” muttered George, twirling his mustache as he stared intensely at the walls as though he could pull squirrels out from them by the strength of his gaze alone. “You look new in town. I know a good exterminator if you—?”

“It’s quite alright, I can handle it myself,” Aziraphale told him firmly. Another snore ripped apart his lie like wet tissue paper.

“That sounds bigger than some squirrels,” said Martha uncertainly. 

“It isn’t,” Aziraphale said shortly. “Now, I hate to rush you out, but I need to finish unpacking. These, erm, books, they don’t do well in direct sunlight, you see, and I really must continue before irreversible damage is done to them.”

Neither of them seems to notice his urgency. They just kept stupidly looking around for any sign of a ‘squirrel.’ Aziraphale huffed through his nose. Behind his back, he made a series of short, sharp tugging motions with his hand. A small metallic tinkle sounded. Then another, and another, all coming from Martha as pin after pin dropped out of her hair, until—

“Oh, no!” she wailed. She clutched her head as her hairdo finally slumped over, strands and chunks hanging down at random like blond ribbons. It now resembled a melted wedding cake. “George, what happened!”

“How would I know, you won’t let me touch your hair when you do it!”

“It must be the humidity from the rain. It always does horrid things to my hair—Oh, what am I to do? We have lunch at the Thompson’s soon! I can’t go looking like this!”

“Perhaps if you hurry back home, you can”—Aziraphale motioned running his fingers through his hair—“fix up something else?”

“Yes,” murmured George, “yes, I think we could do that. Martha?”

Martha did not indicate hearing him. She was knelt on the floor, trying to pick up the bobby pins. “I just don’t get it,” she kept muttering, “this has never happened to me before!”

“First time for everything, I always say!” Aziraphale said cheerily. 

“Oh, leave the pins,” George said irritably, striding over to her to help her up, “you have a hundred of them back home.”

“But—”

“It’s fine,” Aziraphale assured her. “You don’t want to be late, do you?”

George ushered Martha out the door without another word. The second it shut, Aziraphale locked the door and blew out a long breath. That had been too close. He should’ve locked it when Crowley had come in, but he’d forgotten amidst all of the chaos. 

Another grating snore interrupted his thoughts, but it was cut off by a cough and a moan of pain. Aziraphale immediately miracled the shelves back to their original positions and rushed to Crowley’s side. His face screwed up in pain, but he blearily squinted up at Aziraphale as he knelt to face-level with him.

“M’angel?”

“Yes, yes, it’s me, Crowley.” 

Crowley groaned again and dramatically threw his arm over his eyes. Aziraphale whimpered, “Be careful! ”

“Bright.”

“I can close the curtains if you’d like, but please move more slowly! I’ll be upset if you undo all of my work.”

That gave Crowley pause. Aziraphale bustled off to shut the curtains, plunging the room in a soft, dark red. When he returned, Crowley was examining his bandaged arms as though he’d never seen them before. He stayed quiet as Aziraphale tugged the armchair over and sat down beside him.

Aziraphale cleared his throat. “So…” he started awkwardly. “How are you feeling?”

“How am—how am I feeling? Peachy. Perfect. Never been better.” Ah, he was already back to being bitingly sarcastic. That had to be a good sign. Aziraphale’s mouth twitched into an appropriate imitation of a smile.

“Would you like me to leave you alone so you can sleep?”

Crowley blinked at him, then seemed to go through quite an effort to swallow. “Nah. Gonna get out of your way.” Crowley pushed himself upright, or at least tried to. His arms wobbled, and he collapsed back into the pillows, hissing, “ Shit. ”

Aziraphale’s smile vanished. There it was again, that feeling, that churning ache deep in his gut. “You’re not in my way at all, my dear. You can rest here for as long as you need to.”

Crowley leveled him with a disbelieving empty stare. But he blinked and turned his head away so that stare was directed at the ceiling instead. “Thanks,” he said, almost as an afterthought.

“Of course.” Now that he had his energy back, Aziraphale’s hands itched to rearrange the mess of feathers that were Crowley’s wings. It looked so uncomfortable, all broken and disarranged like that. His wings shuddered in sympathy. He opened his mouth to ask if he could do something, but what came out instead was, “Have you tried hot cocoa yet?”

“No.”

“Would you like to? It’s delicious.”

Crowley’s cheeks twitched as though he were working his tongue inside his mouth. “Sure, why not. My mouth tastes like something died in it anyway.”

“I’d imagine. I’ll be right back.”

When he returned with two steaming mugs of cocoa, Crowley seemed to be a little more coherent. He’d managed to sit up properly, and he was absent-mindedly kneading the bend in his right wing at the end of its arm.

“Does it hurt?” Aziraphale asked as he set the mugs down on a tray and pushed one towards Crowley, who raised his eyebrows. “I mean—more than the rest?”

“I mean, yeah.” He picked up the mug and sniffed it. “What’s in this?”

“I put some cinnamon in, but otherwise it’s milk, sugar, and chocolate.”

“Hm.” Crowley took a sip and didn’t immediately spit it out in a spray like he usually did if something was not to his taste, so Aziraphale could only assume it was alright. “It’s sore. I’ll get over it.” 

“What…” Aziraphale floated a hand up and down as he drank. “Caused this?”

Crowley blew a long, deep breath from his crooked nose, and the bit of energy he’d managed to regain drained out of him. “You’ll be mad if I tell you.”

“I won’t. I swear it.” 

Crowley’s eyes went flat and dropped to his lap. “They found out I helped you escape the Bastille.”

Aziraphale’s cocoa suddenly tasted like ash. He set the mug down and rasped, “How?”

“They had agents posted in the area. Guess they got interested in the amount of evil happening in the square.” Aziraphale nodded faintly. “Anyway they saw us leaving—smelled us, too, that’s how they knew it was you. They waited ‘til I went into a bar I frequent, drugged me, and then, well.” Crowley rolled his head around as if to say, Here we are. “They ‘roughed me up a bit.’”

“I’ll say.” Aziraphale bit his lip, remembering, If my people hear I rescued an angel, I’ll be the one in trouble, and my lot do not send rude notes . “My dear, I’m—I’m sorry, if I hadn’t been so senseless—”

“It’s not your fault, Aziraphale,” Crowley sighed. “I chose to rescue you. I knew the risks.”

“But still.” He squirmed. “I must take some responsibility.”

“Go ahead. It won’t change anything.”

The air hung stagnantly between them. 

“I never did get to give you my congratulations,” Crowley said abruptly. “Meant to.”

“For—oh, for the shop?”

“Mmh.”

“Why, thank you.”

Crowley resumed the massaging of his wing. Aziraphale watched.

“At least let me return some of the favor,” he said after a moment. “Your wings.”

Crowley glanced at where he’d been picking at a blood crusted feather. “Ah. Yeah.”

“May I…” Aziraphale nervously licked his lips. “May I help clean them for you?”

“Nah, ‘s fine. I’ll manage.”

“I don’t doubt that. But I thought you wanted to leave sooner rather than later?”

“Want me gone that badly, huh?” Crowley’s smile was sarcastic, teasing, but Aziraphale frowned anyway.

“Well, no—yes, because then that means you’re doing better, but—oh, I do wish you would stop saying those things,” he huffed. “Is it such a crime to help you?”

Crowley snorted. “Obviously. Look what happened to me. You just haven’t been caught yet.”

Aziraphale glanced away to one fascinating drop of rain on the windowpane. “Damn my punishments,” he said quietly. “I just want to help.”

Please, let me take care of you.

Crowley stopped fussing with his wing and fixed Aziraphale with his searching yellow eyes. They were careful, shining and fragile as spun glass still glowing bright from the molten forge. If Aziraphale were to move now, to take back what he said, he might very well shatter Crowley. The longer those eyes were on him, the more of him Crowley could see, as though he were burning away layer after layer after layer—

One black wing was offered to him. Aziraphale only stared for a second before he settled his hands on it and smiled. The feathers that weren’t damaged beyond repair were like the most delicate silks beneath his fingers, shimmery and soft. 

“Thank you,” he said softly.

“Make it quick,” Crowley mumbled. 

Aziraphale snapped his fingers, and the cocoa disappeared off of the tea table. It was replaced by a large pail of water, linen towels, some scissors of varying sizes, and a shrunken pair of forceps. After a brief examination, he dunked one of the towels into the water, wrung it out, and placed it over Crowley’s secondaries. Most of the damage seemed to be centered there, and would probably require a lot of pulling. Crowley grunted at the contact but otherwise seemed unbothered.

He began with the pulling and clipping of Crowley’s broken and damaged primaries. The barbs went without too much resistance since the feathers were fully grown in at this point, and the only thing Crowley lamented about was how long it would take for the missing slots to grow back in. It didn’t look pretty, true, but at least he was alive. Aziraphale pointed all of this out to Crowley, who huffed.

“What, would you rather have died?”

“I suppose not. Big hassle, dying.”

Once a pile of black feathers had accumulated on the floor, Aziraphale took the rag and began to clean the blood off gently. Wrap, squeeze, soak, rinse, repeat. He repeated the motions until the bucket of water turned dark and the covers were soaked an unpleasant brown from the drippings. The feathers had gained a much more uniform sheen to them, all iridescent emeralds and amethyst hues that shimmered beneath the droplets of water. Slowly, Crowley allowed his wing to drift further and further until it was entirely laid back against the pillows and into Aziraphale’s lap. It had a pleasant weight to it. Solid, but not overbearing.

“Comfortable?” he said dryly as he ran his fingers through Crowley’s feathers. Crowley’s eyes, which had slid shut at some point, reopened. He muttered an apology and lifted his wing again. Aziraphale bit his lip. That wasn’t what he meant but, well. What was done was done.

“How much longer is this going to take?”

“Erm.” Heat flushed his cheeks. The sky outside was rich, so deep it was blurring the line between blue and purple. It must be around early evening now and Aziraphale had only worked through half of Crowley’s wing. “I’m nearly finished with this one, yes. There is—more than I was expecting.”

This was true for the most part. The patches where feathers had been ripped out were proving to be a challenge. In addition to having to pull many more broken barbs, some of the spots had been infected, which made the dark flesh of Crowley’s wings feel hot and tender beneath his touch. He had finished with the barbs, but he wasn’t sure how to proceed with the infections. Aziraphale hovered his hand over them, gauging the risks of using his abilities.

“You will tell me to stop,” Aziraphale said, holding up one light-shrouded hand. Crowley swallowed and nodded. Slowly, slowly , Aziraphale passed his hand over the areas, watching as the open wounds from the pulled barbs closed and feeling the skin cool slightly. It was achingly slow work. Crowley could not suffer through more than around five seconds of his direct powers, which forced Aziraphale to back off every three and wait. Despite his caution, Crowley told him through gritted teeth to back off a few times, which made him feel absolutely horrible for hurting him in the first place.

His work was slowed even further as he neared Crowley’s body. The parts of the wing there were far more sensitive. He twitched every time Aziraphale touched him, to the point where he very nearly gave up and started his work on the other wing.

“It’s fine,” Crowley said, but Aziraphale shook his head.

“Clearly not. You’re obviously uncomfortable.”

“No, just—it tickles a little.”

“It tickles?”

“Yeah.” Crowley hunched his shoulders. “What?”

Aziraphale forced his smile away. “Nothing. I simply didn’t expect it.”

“Yeah, well, I’m full of surprises.”

Aziraphale placed a wet rag on a particularly crusty patch of down. Crowley watched as he took up the tweezers and began to pick apart the clump.

“Is that why this is taking so long?”

“Would you rather me not?”

Crowley’s mouth twisted oddly. “I—I got things to do. I escaped, you know—”

“Awful brave of you.”

“They might come looking for me again. I don’t want to be here if they do.”

He couldn’t read Crowley’s face beyond what seemed to be discomfort. One would think he would be able to. Six thousand years, and all of that. But he couldn’t. Something cold settled in the bottom of his heart. “Of course. I’ll—I’ll fix the next one up, and you’ll be on your way by… by tomorrow morning.”

He kept his head down for the rest of the time. If he tried to slow down to fuss with what could be considered the more cosmetic spots, Crowley began to fidget. So he went on. He stopped a couple of times to shoo away curious persons, sweep up the fallen fathers, and get new water. It wasn’t stalling, per se, it was all necessary. Very necessary. Still, he found himself working on the other wing far sooner than he wanted.

Wanted? he wondered. What did he want?

Crowley fell asleep at some point after he’d removed the rest of the damaged and broken feathers on the second wing. That was one thing Aziraphale refused to skip. Those were by far the most uncomfortable thing he could imagine, and the hardest to reach if one was alone. Muffled chatter from the flow of people outside pushed through the walls of the shop, and then it too stopped as the sun sank once again beneath the horizon. It was dark by the time Aziraphale began on the second wing, and the sun was shocked to find the angel was up with its waking moments for the second day in a row. Once again exhausted from constant use of his abilities, he decided to give sleep another go. He bade Crowley a good night—a good morning if one wished to be tetchy—and settled down into his armchair. 

When he woke that evening, Crowley was gone. The only sign he had ever been there at all was a lingering smell of heat, and a single black feather curled up on the pillows.

[peachyzens]

guardian angel! Jaemin au

guardian angel! Jaemin au

genre: fantasy, angst :( (i’m sorry we in emo hours rn) summary: secluding yourself from all forms of a social life, all it takes is guardian angel! jaemin to break down those walls, (1,890 words) a/n: i’ve had this unfinished in my drafts for way too long..but now we finished it! a repost just to test if my posts are actually popping up in the searches 🤔 tumblr why u do this to me

not to be cliche or anything but jaemin is DEFINITELY the purest guardian angel yet

him and guardian angel! jeno are notorious for being the sweetest and purest beings of the heaven

if there was an “angel of the month” award like how theres an employee of the month award..he would win almost every month

but his focus is mainly to help high school students!!

considering his youthful nature, he blends in really well in a high school

students love him, teachers love him, everybody loves him

so you..you were the top student of your class

always getting straight A’s, never late or absent, just the perfect student

people could never think of anything wrong with your life, you were the star child of the school!!

but behind closed doors, you always felt lonely and having to live up to standards set so high by your peers

not to mention your parents, who always pushed you to surpass or be at the same level as your successful older sibling

you just lived in an endless cycle of studying to do good in school, your life basically revolved around school

and this is where jaemin comes in!

he often gets cases like this, having to show the overly dedicated student that there’s much more to life than studying

but you were a strict case

no matter how many people tried to show you that side, you ended up pushing them away, refusing to leave your own world

so when jaemin took notice of this, he promised himself to make sure he shows you the side of the world you hid from

he came to your school as a transfer student, and the other students were immediately talking about how cute and angelic he looked

his honey hair, a smile that blinds, he was everybody’s dream boy!

yet with all the eyes on him, his were stuck on you

you didnt bother looking up once during his introduction, your eyes still glued to your notes

you only paid him the slightest attention when you heard the chair beside you get pulled out

now THAT made you look up to him as nobody really sat next to you

considering 99% of the school population was intimidated by you but jaemin didn’t care at all!

the smile on his face never faltered as he sat beside you, pulling out his books as if he was meant to be there

you brushed it off, thinking he’s just going to get bored of being next to you and make new friends that he will soon sit next to

but here’s the thing...he never leaves

he’s always sitting by your side, refusing the other student’s offers to have him sit by them

and while you didn’t know him that well, the thought he had for you really touched your heart :(

in the mornings you would always show up early, and jaemin would start showing up shortly after you

you just had so many questions

one day when he came in, taking his normal spot beside you and resting his head and arms on his desk while scrolling through his phone, you gathered the courage to start asking him questions

“why?” was all you could mutter out

you could already feel the embarrassment building in your chest as you started cursing yourself for making social advances

you did notice his thumb pause from the scrolling and you could feel his eyes on you, but you couldn’t find the courage to meet them

“why what?” he responded, his voice smooth

you debated on brushing it off and ending the conversation right then and there, but a part of you kind of wanted to continue it

like you had some hope that he sat there because he wanted to be your friend...but you just always secluded yourself from having a social life that you weren’t sure if it were your fantasies

“why..do you sit here everyday and not with your friends?” you let out, voice quieter than you expected

it’s a good thing the room was silent except for the whirring of the ac, but it wasn’t enough to hide your words

“why not? we can be friends too, if you would like” he responded, speaking no more than two words at a time

right there, you felt your cheeks redden and your chest explode with anticipation at the idea of your first friend

jaemin took notice of how your cheeks flared up, and he noticed the edge of your lips quirk up the tiniest bit

he couldn’t help himself from smiling, he was finally getting you to crack!!

“i would like that.” you whispered, so quiet that he almost missed it

and jaemin lived up to that promise

the mornings were filled with chatter, ranging from anything to everything

when the rest of your classmates walked in and gave you confused looks hearing the laughs and chatters coming from your conversation with jaemin, you were almost tempted to give up on socializing

but you couldn’t help but crack a smile at the stupid joke he made, suddenly forgetting about giving up

jaemin just had that power to make you suddenly forget about all your anxieties, and it felt as if a thousand weights were lifted off your shoulders

instead of heading straight to the library or home right after class, jaemin would pull you the other way

he would take you out to arcades, street stalls, basically every spot a high school kid would hang out at

he even got you acquainted with some of the other friends he made, renjun and haechan

at first it was definitely awkward, with your quiet self unsure how to communicate with these rowdy and rambunctious boys

but when things got serious over some street fighter...let’s just say they didn’t see you as quiet anymore

“HA TAKE THAT JAEMIN I TOTALLY KICKED YOUR ASS IN THIS GAME” you cheered triumphantly

“Listen i totally let you win that round” jaemin would argue back, fighting the urge to let out a smile at your antics

“LiStEn i ToTaLlY lEt YoU wIn ThAt RoUnD” you mocked him, causing haechan to snort at jaemin’s misfortune

with renjun now asking you for your street fighter techniques and haechan helping you make fun of jaemin, the three of you became a tight-knit group

instead of eating lunch by yourself in the library or classroom, you would be pulled out by haechan and renjun to the cafeteria, where at first you were terrified of the stares

but when renjun accidentally squirted milk out his nose, those people were all forgotten as all you could focus on were the boys in front of you

they easily became your best friends, and you were finally able to shed off that cold and unapproachable image

even though you had new friends in your life, that didn’t stop you from pursuing the most of your studies

you dragged the boys to the library as many times as they’ve dragged you out to other places, much to their dismay

but with a single glare they knew not to mess with you

jaemin could only smile at the scene

haechan was flicking paper triangles at renjun, but missed and it hit you instead, causing you to glare at him as he looked around, renjun stifling his laughter

as fond as you grew of the boys, he grew twice as much

seeing how much you’ve changed in the past months, jaemin felt satisfied at his work

but a part of him was in denial, because he knows that when he gets the job done...he has not use in being there anymore

he loves seeing how open and sociable you’ve become, but he’s sort of sad that he’s not the only one in your life anymore

he knows it’s selfish to be kind of sad that there’s other people making you happy, but he can’t but think of the times before class when you two would just talk about pointless things, a memory only you two share

at the sight of you laughing along with haechan and renjun, he can’t help the bittersweet feeling in his chest, aware that it might be time for him to go

he’s been ignoring the calls from the heavens, only until jeno actually came down to personally deliver the message to him was he unable to escape reality

the reality that he could only make you happy for a certain amount of time, before he lets other people do the deed for him

as much as jaemin wished he could stay here to endlessly make you laugh, he knew he had other duties to get to

when he was walking you home, he knew it was going to be the last time

he listened to your excited chatter about the new movie that came out recently, trying not to let his somber mood show

“and also, jaemin i just wanted to say thank you, for everything.” you told him as you stopped outside your house

he raised an eyebrow, urging you to continue, and with a deep breath you did

“i, i was never the social type in school. i was always alone, never had any friends, but then you sat next to me. it gave me some kind of hope that maybe i can go out there and make friends, despite being under the pressure to do well. and you fulfilled that hope for me, you brought me out of my comfort zone and now, i’m happier than i ever was, and it’s all because of you, so thank you, for everything.” you spoke, tears welling up in your eyes

jaemin could only feel his heart breaking more seeing the admiration in your face, knowing this was his cue to leave

“of course, i can’t think of a better friend than you. i’m so proud of how far you’ve come, and i’m so glad to see you out there, making new friends and achieving new things. you are amazing, i hope you remember that.” jaemin responded with a smile, sadness barely traceable in his expression

jaemin wrapped his arms around you for what he knew was the last time, but you wrapped your arms back around him, letting him know you’ll see him tomorrow morning

with a hesitant shake of his head, jaemin nodded and urged you to go back into your house, waving until you were behind closed doors

and with that, the tears started streaming down his face

when he first saw you, he knew you were going to be a difficult case

but instead, you ended up being a special case, a case he didn’t want to leave

when he looks over you the next morning from above, he can only watch with a sad smile as you never fail to laugh and crack jokes with your best friends, renjun and haechan

you were happy, and he was happy for you, but that wasn’t able to dull the ache in his heart, the desire of wanting to still be by your side to help you grow even more

“it’s okay, they’ll be fine now, they’re growing on their own” jeno could only pat his friend on the back, unable to understand the weight on jaemin’s heart

“you’re right...they’ll only get happier from now, my job is done.”

[worshippingmendes-blog]

Marked By Love - Looking good

sorry for the wait but I hope you’ll enjoy! 

PART 1   PART 2   PART 3  MASTERLIST

Plop.

That was the only sound that echoed through the small bathroom as he dropped his phone in the toilet. Shawn had gotten over thousands of dm’s from his picture, but only one of them stood out. And a quick look at her account had confirmed his suspicions, it was her.

The moment of shock had caused him to loosen his grip on his phone, only to see it slide out of his large hand and into the water.

“Oh fuck” he mumbled as he rolled up his sleeves and bent down. His face twisted in disgust as he finally got a hold of it, and quickly fished it up. He held it with his pointer finger and his thumb as he walked out from the bathroom, placing the soaked phone on the counter as he grabbed the rice.

“Man, what happened?” A fairly drunk Brian giggled.

Shawn shot him a death stare and mumbled a short answer.

“I dropped it into the toilet”

“You did what?”

Now it was Andrew’s time to comment on the situation and Shawn rolled his eyes.

“She sent me a message and I dropped my fucking phone into the toilet! And I really need to answer her but I can’t!”

Geoff tried to suffocate a laughter that was bubbling up inside of him at the sight of the anxious twenty-year old.

Andrew sent him a look before turning back to Shawn, who was now almost laying, spread out over the kitchen counter. It was a sight to be seen. His tall legs standing steadily on the floor while his upper body rested on the table.

“Why don’t you just use mine?”

Shawn’s head shot up and he looked at Andrew with a hopeful look in his eyes.

“Really?”

Andrew gave him a smile and handed over his phone and Shawn could almost kiss the man for saving him.

“Thank you!”

Shawn sat down on the side of the couch and quickly logged himself into Instagram, sending a few angry looks to the bowl with rice that contained his phone.

His account was blowing up from fans who wondered who the mystery woman was, to people claiming it was them. He couldn’t do anything but roll his eyes at the fame desperate girls.

As he found her message, he doubted for a second. He stared at the screen for a minute, seeing his own reflection stare back at him. This was crazy, he had wanted her for so long and now that he finally found her he didn’t even have the guts to text her back. Taking a deep breath, he accepted the message and began typing something. As he pressed send a smile made its way onto his lips.

He felt his friends buring stare on him and he gave them a confused look.

“What?”

Geoff let out a small laugh before taking another sip of his beer.

“You’re so fucked”

-

A relieved sigh escaped your lips as you put your bags down on the floor. They were filled to the rim with books and papers from school and were a lot to carry on one’s shoulders. Three weeks. Then you would be free.

You had big plans for your summer, including many different festivals, a vacation ,and staying up until sunrise. All were things you could not wait to be able to do again.

“Hello?” You yelled into the seemingly empty apartment and as expected the only thing that you heard back was the echo of your own voice.

With a happy whimper you melted down in the comfortable couch. Your eyelids were heavy and you fought the desire to let the sleep consume you. With a yawn you grabbed your phone and scrolled through tumblr. Reading some feedback on your latest writing and answering some asks you soon found yourself scrolling down the new posts. It was filled with pictures of Shawn, the picture. You couldn’t help but feel a little proud as you read the hundreds of comments of confused people trying to figure out what was going on.

Going into instagram, you saw the little blue arrow having a small ‘1’ over itself, and your heart skipped a beat. By the time you had gone into your dm’s, it was about to beat out of your chest. Your fingers were shaky as you pressed on the chat, reading the message a certain Shawn Mendes had sent you. You. Of all the millions and millions of girls that worshipped him on the daily it was your mark that was placed on his godlike body.

You read the message over and over again as a blush creeped its way onto your cheeks and you felt like you were walking on clouds.

“Not as good as it looks on you”

It was as the tiredness had washed away and you were now wide awake. A small green dot on his profile picture showed that he was online right now and you thought about what to write back. You weren’t the best when it came to flirting with normal guys, and what the hell do you write to your idol of years back? The tip of your tongue rested in the corner of your mouth as you concentrated on writing. You wrote a message, and erased it, wrote another one, and erased that too. A frustrated sigh left your lips after the fifth erasing.

Then something popped into your head, and you quickly pressed send. No going back now.

“I didn’t know you were so observant”

A smile came over his face as he read your message and he was quick to reply. But not too quick. He was sure to wait a few minutes before writing back to avoid sounding, you know, like you were the only thing running through that pretty mind of his.

“I guess there’s a lot you don’t know about me then”

Your stomach did a flip as you read the little grey bubble. He was certainly flirting with you, at least that’s what you hoped. So you decided to be bold

“Oh, I think I know most of it”

Shawn nearly choked on his drink,  getting the attention of the rest of the boys who looked at him with confusion written in their eyes.

“You okay there Mendes?”

Shawn nodded as he was coughing, holding his thumb up to show that he was okay.

The conversation continued through the night, and even if you were running on last night’s five hours of sleep, you had never felt more awake.

Shawn’s friends had left hours ago, not seeing the point in hanging around when he was clearly busy with other things. But they were happy for him, knew how much he craved someone. Or something.

It was 3am when Shawn asked if you could share numbers instead and you had gladly accepted his offer. The conversation had picked up on text message from there and you texted back and forth for another hours, too caught up in the moment, the feeling, to even think about sleep.

Shawn walked around his apartment, now with his functioning phone, in his hands and a toothy smile on his face. That smile had been there for so long that his cheeks hurt, but still he never wanted it to go away. She was just as he had imagined her to be, maybe almost better. And even though he had only talked to her for a couple hours, it felt like they where old friends. His phone vibrated and he was quick to unlock it.

“Can I show you something?”

He replied with a short “of course”, growing curious over whatever she wanted to show him. A minute later he got a pictures sent to him. It was a photo of her arm, more exactly her wrist, and on it there was a small rose. The same rose he had on his ankle. The same rose he had seen on so many of his fans before, but this was different. This was a girl he had fallen so headlessly in love with, and the confirmation that she felt the same, was enough to make him let out a scream of happiness and run around his apartment like a little kid on christmas morning.

“Wow, that does look a lot better on you than on me”

You let out an excited giggle at his response and you realized really how screwed you were for him.

“Oh stop it, it looks better on you. Everything looks good on you”

He was grateful that she couldn’t see him where he was sitting with his cheeks as red as her nail polish.

“LOL thank you ;)?”

“You’re welcome, you know i’m right”

“Haha, we’ll see about that!! Now I want to know something about you, since you apparently already know everything about me”

“Alright, what do you want to know?”

-

You woke up by the sun shining through your blinds, the broken one that you had told yourself you were going to fix for the last three months. You stretched out on your king sized bed and let out a yawn, thinking back to the night before. A smile was growing on your face at only the thought of him, the guy you had fantasized about for three years, was actually talking to you, and not just in a fanfiction. The two of you had talked until you saw the sun rise and he was like no guy you had ever met before. So sweet and so caring, funny but also sarcastic at times, he had it all. For some reason you felt so comfortable talking to him, like you could tell him everything that was going through your mind or just about why pasta is the greatest thing ever invented. It just felt right.

A quick look on your phone showed that it was already 11am and you got out of your bed with a sigh. Holding your phone in a firm grip as you reached the bathroom, thinking about Shawn’s story about how he dropped his into the toilet, you made sure that the lid was down. Brushing your teeth and hair, and applying a little mascara to your tired eyes, you decided to go out for lunch. There was no point in eating breakfast at this time, and you felt like treating yourself.

As you locked the door to your apartment, your phone lit up. Putting the keys into your purse, you read the text. The text from him.

“Goodmorning!! I’m tired”

The three words was enough to lighten up your entire mood and you walked on clouds to the elevator, where you sent him a text back, that was going to make him feel just the same.

-

You had three things you needed to do. Eat lunch, return two books to the library and go look for a new dress. The library thing was the first thing to get crossed over considering that it was located only down the street from your apartment. Your plan was to go get a dress right after, but the aggressive sounds your stomach ḿade left you changing the order.

Arriving at your favorite sushi place, you let out a happy sigh as you saw the bright colored signs in front of it. It was located next to a 24h- gym and that had made their opening hours pretty generous and as a college student, you appreciated that. The familiar bell made a soft sound as you entered the small restaurant and the workers welcomed you happily. You ordered the same thing as you always did and you gave them a smile as they handed you the plate.

You turned around to go find a place to sit but accidentally bumped into a tall guy behind you. The soya sauce spilled all over his grey shirt and wanted to sink under the ground and disappear.

“Oh, I’m so sorry! I-I’m so clumsy I-” You started and looked up to face him for the first time when a familiar pair of brown eyes met yours.

Shawn. He was dressed in a a pair of black gym shorts and a tight shirt, like he was just coming from the gym. His curls were pulled back with a headband, a heaband you had made at least five appreciation posts for. He towered over you, and you realized that you never actually understood how tall he really was.

He looked just as surprised as you did, and you stood there as two fools just staring at each other. He shot you a sly grin that made your cheeks hot as he looked down on his shirt.

“So, do you really think I look good in this?”

Taglist ( send an ask if you want to be added/removed): @nervousroses @t-i-n-y-d-i-n-o @oyesmendes @justmesadgirl @wronglanesassholeshawn @yourwonderbelle @hunshawnmendes @ultrunning @myownplacex @maryjanerose @thinkaholicer @musiic-is @vnv21

[falsehoodsanders]

Slipping

A/N: this is the first fic I wrote for the Sanders Sides fandom. Originally it was a prompt for @@something-sanders for the ts fic exchange organized by @the-prince-and-the-emo , however, I’m being re-assigned on my main so I thought I’d post it here! 

Ship: Romantic LAMP/CALM

TW: ANGSTY, eating disorders, self harm, suicidal thoughts, self hatred. You asked for angst so I brought angst. I’m sorry...

WC: 2236 (whoops) 

validate me ok bye

~River xx

Slipping

That was the only word that came to mind when he thought of himself. His entire existence at present was a metaphorical landslide, and he was slipping into the valley below with no way to make his way back up to the peak of the mountain. He knew he was needed, physically. He knew he was valued by the others and the Fanders. If he ducked out, there was no way Thomas could function without him. But what was there for him to help with aside from being necessary to his host’s physical well-being? He didn’t offer anything of value, not like the others did. The others gave thoughtful input into things Thomas should do. They helped him attain the goals he set for himself. They helped him see the good in the world, despite all of the negative things happening just outside his door. He couldn’t do any of that. Aside from being a “main side”, he wasn’t helpful. Wasn’t necessary. Wasn’t worth it.

He loved the other three with his entire being. He didn’t know he could love another as much as he loved them. When they first started their relationship, he fell hard and fast. It was bumpy but they managed to ride the storm until they found calmer waters. He could tell you a million different things he loved about each of them, but he didn’t know what they saw in him. There was something awe-spiring in the way their eyes sparkled when they spoke of something that they took pride in, or the way each of them had their own way of being intimate with one another, or the way they could communicate with each other with a simple gesture, like leaving sticky notes around the Mindscape, or having made a thoughtful breakfast to make the others feel loved. Loved. He felt loved. He was constantly reminded that he was, in fact, loved. But did he deserve it?

He knew what depression was. He saw the warning signs long ago. He knew he was just getting worse… but were the voices in his head really that wrong? They pointed out the flaws in his reflection, offering a not so gentle suggestion that he add a bit more makeup to his routine than before. He listened, but it wasn’t enough. They pointed out the weight he had gained and how overweight his attire made him appear. He had cut down his eating habits, tracking his calorie and carb intake as to not make the situation worse. He had lost a few pounds, but it still wasn’t enough. They whispered threats when he was forced to eat something with too many calories, saying he wasn’t trying hard enough to make himself perfect for his loves. He then ate what he was given by his beloved boyfriends, and once it was acceptable to leave the table, he rushed off to his bathroom and forced it all back up. He focused on the numbers, limiting himself to 500 calories a day, but it still just wasn’t enough. Soon the excess fat was gone, but the voices found more to critique. They pointed out that he needed to be more toned, to have a slimmer waist and more muscle to ensure that the others saw him as an appealing partner. So he went on long runs and took to the gym, weighing himself every morning and every evening to see the progress he had made, but it wasn’t enough. The voices wore him down, made him tired and weak, which then only fuelled them to keep pushing him to be stronger, more toned, skinnier, prettier… better.

He knew what an eating disorder was… he wasn’t stupid. But as he fell deeper into the hole he a dug himself, it soon became a routine. Wake up at 5am sharp. Go for a run around the Imagination until breakfast at 8. Eat breakfast with his boyfriends. Help with clearing the table and washing the dishes. Make it to his bathroom and force up the meal he just ate. Brush his teeth, drink some water and then eat a healthy snack of under 150 calories to replace the food that he brought back up. Spend time with his boyfriends in the commons until 11:30 where he would excuse himself to go workout, saying he had packed a lunch (a lie) and promised to stay hydrated (another lie) so he didn’t have to join them for lunch. Finish working out at 2:30, pushing himself to his absolute limits to make sure he burned more calories than he consumed. He would then shower for about 30 minutes and then stand in front of the bathroom mirror, staring at his reflection in disgust and making note of where he still needed to improve. Repeat breakfast scenario at dinner, which was at 6:30 on the dot, but allowing himself 200 calories for his replacement meal to hopefully keep his energy up to avoid suspicion from the others. Spend an hour with his boyfriends for “family bonding time” until retiring to his room at 8, claiming he was tired from his day and needed some sleep. He would stay awake until around 2am, trying to find new ways to make himself better for the loves of his life. They deserved the universe and more, and he would try his damnest to give them just that.

The voices never quieted down, always repeating harsh remarks towards him, until one struck a chord with him. He was reading a post about how to make his progress matter when he stumbled on a blog on tumblr. It soon became his favourite site to visit. He created his own account, followed this blog religiously and even put on notifications to see when they’d post their next thinspo picture. The more he scrolled, the more he found different ways of taking out his hatred on himself. The voices still weren’t happy with him, so he took to self harming. He knew it was dangerous. He knew it was an addiction. He knew that once he started it would be near impossible to stop, but the second the cool metal blade hit his inner wrist, he craved the sensation. So one cut became two, and two became four, and soon enough, he moved to his thighs and stomach because both arms were littered with scars; new ones that still stung, old ones that had faded to white until he reopened them again to see the crimson bubble on his skin before rolling down to hit the tile beneath him. He no longer wore sleeveless tops or shorts. He couldn’t risk his secret being found by the others.

“Roman?” a soft voice came from his door. Patton. Of course it was. Sweet, wonderful, compassionate Patton.

“Yes my love?” Roman replied, mustering all of his energy to sound as he should: regal, proper, confident… worthy.

“Can we come in?” Patton asked, “We need to talk to you.”

Of course. They were here to break up with him. They must have finally come to their senses.

Unlocking the door, he braced himself for what was to come with a solemn “Yes.”

Patton came in first, followed by Logan and Virgil, who all had a hesitant and almost sad look on their face. Their eyes scanned the royal side’s room, finding paper scattered across the floor, each with red X through whatever idea he had written down and words such as “stupid” or “insufficient” or “failure.”  His sword lay on the seat of the vanity, completely covered in blood stains that weren’t even attempted to be cleaned. The ever-growing collection of makeup and photos of the flawless, photoshopped models from the internet covered the vanity itself, along with notes on scraps of paper stuck to the mirror with more red coloured words like “worthless” and “ugly.” His Disney posters had been ripped off the walls and his curtains were shredded from the times he had taken his sword to them in a fit of rage. The scale placed in front of the mirror was surrounded by shattered glass, obviously from a previous mirror that Roman had punched in fear of his own reflection. And Roman himself. He sat on the floor in front of his bed. His eyes were red and puffy, his hair was sticking up in all different directions, he sat in his boxers, leaving his scars visible and a clear view of his ribs poking out from under his skin.

It took everything in the three to not freak out over what they saw. It would make the situation worse.

“I suppose you’ve come to your senses, then?” Roman asked, no longer trying to keep up his facade. His voice croaked from crying for days on end, never knowing when, or if, they’d stop.

“I’m not sure what you mean, my prince.” Logan spoke softly, almost as if not to upset Roman. It would have been endearing if Roman didn’t know what was going on.

“You’re here to break up with me, right? To tell me I’m useless, worthless? That all I do is drag you down and make your lives miserable? I’ve been expecting it for a while so you might as well just get it over with.”

Shock was evident on the other’s faces. They had no idea that this was how their Prince was feeling.

“Roman… we’re not here to do any of that.” Virgil whispered, worried that he would end up scaring him away.

Roman scoffed, “Well then what are you here for? I don’t know what else it could be. I don’t see why you care.”

Patton took Roman’s hand and squeezed lightly, “Roman, we’re here because we’ve been worried about you.”

“What for? I’m not worth the hassle.” Roman muttered, looking down at the ground to avoid the disgust he’d see on their faces.

The three looked at each other, making silent decisions on what to do next. Virgil made his way to the bathroom to get a soft cloth to clean his cuts.

“Roman, you are worth so much. You are irreplaceable. We are nothing without you.” Logan murmured, kneeling down to Roman’s height. He gently tilted his lover’s head up to look at him. All Roman saw was the tears in Logan’s eyes and the sadness that was evident across his face.

“You’re lying.”

Virgil returned with a damp cloth, carefully placing it on the thigh with blood dripping on the floor, “Ro, love. Why would we be lying?”

“I’m not good enough for you! That’s why!” Roman exclaimed, “You’re all perfect and wonderful and I don’t deserve you. You all have a purpose. Logan contributes his knowledge and passion for learning new things. Patton gives him emotions and helps him make strong bonds between him and his friends and family. Virge, babe… you keep Thomas cautious in the world we live in. You might work overtime a lot, but you’ve only tried to protect him. All I’m here for is to come up with ideas and I can’t even do that right. Plus, I hurt you without intending to and I can never forgive myself. Vee, I treated you like a villain for a long time and I hurt you in the process. I constantly patronize Pat without realizing it and I see the hurt in your eyes long after it happens. I fight with Logan all the time and make fun of him when he has a difficult time processing emotions. You’re all breathtaking too, and here I am; a fat, ugly, good for nothing side that has now hurt the three most important things in his life because he’s pathetic.”

There was a pause while they took in what Roman had just said, until Virgil broke the silence, “Roman. Look at me please.”

He does so, and he immediately regrets it. There are obvious tears streaking down his cheeks, messing up the eyeshadow beneath his eyes. Yet he still offers a small smile, comforting and warm.

“Roman. You have always been beautiful. Inside and out. You are… well… were so full of life. You cheer us up when we’re down, singing silly songs or making us waltz around the living room. When you sing Disney at the top of your lungs, it comforts us, knowing that you’re feeling happy, and sometimes we sing along. You may have done some not so nice things in the past, yes, but you’ve grown. We have seen you trying so hard to accept us and love us as we are.”

Tears threatened to fall down Roman’s face, but he wouldn’t let them. He couldn’t show them how weak he was.

“It’s okay to cry, Ro.” Patton spoke, “You encourage me to express all of my emotions, not just the happy ones. It’s time I repay you for that. Let it go.”

And so Roman did. He let all of his fears and worries and insecurities go as he sobbed in their arms. They all held him, whispering sweet nothings in his ear. It wasn’t perfect. It was far from perfect, but this was the beginning. The beginning of learning to love himself again, of recovering. It was a long road ahead, but the voices of his boyfriends drowned out the ones in his head. He felt safe. He felt wanted. He felt loved. And yes, he did deserve it.

[alexboehm55144]

“Glass Panels” An Aggressive Retsuko Story

So if you've been following my blog recently you probably already know that I've become a big agressive retsuko fan, and Retsuko and Haida are like my OTP now. anyway, I wanted to get back in the saddle and get writing again, so here you go, enjoy!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“What was that blue truck I saw here when I left last night?” Haida asked as himself, Retsuko, and Fenneko walked towards the office. 

“The CEO wanted to spruce up the lobby” Fenneko said, scrolling through her phone as they reached the office building “so he had these large freestanding glass panels installed to make the lobby look more modern” 

The trio entered the building, with Haida holding the door for his companions. Haida began to speak his thoughts on this building upgrade. “I would have opted for- *BANG* OW!” 

The hyena dropped his bag and his hands darted to his nose, which was gushing blood. 

“Ah! Haida!” Retsuko said, quickly digging into her purse for a tissue.

“Looks like you walked nose-first into one of the new glass panels” Fenneko said, reaching out into what appeared to be open space in front of her. But her paw flattened out as it hit something. Retsuko found a tissue and managed to pry Haida’s hands away from his nose so she could put the tissue where it would soak up blood. 

“I gotta say, these glass panels are very clean” Fenneko said, admiring the glass panel, which looked like just plain air. Her eyes noticed a small spot of blood left by Haida. “Well, not so clean anymore”

“Oh my god! Haida, are you ok?” Washimi said as her and Gori came over, breaking their ‘baddest bitch in the room’ walk. 

“Yeah I’m fine” the hyena said, pressing the tissue against his nose. 

“He hit the glass” Fenneko explained, knocking on the glass panel to let Washimi and Gori know it existed. 

“I didn’t even see that” Gori said. 

“These damn panels” Washimi said, shaking her head. “When I first heard that the CEO was planning to have these installed, I knew something like this would happen. These panels don’t even serve a purpose, I don’t know what made him think this was a good idea.” 

Fenneko grabbed Haida’s bag for him, while Retsuko used another tissue to wipe some blood that fell on Haida’s tie and jacket. 

“I would speak to the CEO about this if I were you” Gori said to Washimi. “You can bet I will, these panels shouldn’t be here if people are walking into them on the day after they are installed”

Another officer worker banged into the panel a few feet away, and looked around confused as to what he hit. Luckily he had his phone and arm out in front of him, so he wasn’t hurt like Haida was. 

“Case in point...” Washimi said as Fenneko, Haida and Retsuko headed towards the elevators. 

000

After reaching the accounting department, Retsuko sat Haida down on a chair in the tea room, and stood at the ready with some more paper towels. Haida blushed as Retsuko cared for him by stuffing paper towels into his nose, and asking him how he felt. The hyena was pretty sure her tender touch and care was helping him heal faster. Retsuko noticed Haida’s face getting red with blush. 

“You look red, do you have a fever?” The red panda asked, putting her paw on his forehead, making the hyena blush even more. “No, you don’t feel hot, but you just got even redder” 

“What happened to you?” A voice asked. 

The pair looked up to see Mr.Ton walking into the room to get himself a cup of coffee. 

“He walked into one of those panels in the lobby” Retsuko said, pulling another paper towel off the roll. 

“Oh, those stupid panels cost more money than they should have” Mr. Ton said. “Well, don’t forget we still have work to do” 

The pig made his coffee and left the room, after which Haida started to stand up. 

“Well, you heard him, we better get to work”

“What?” Retsuko said “your nose is still bleeding. You can’t work, you’ll bleed all over your computer and the papers” 

“Well I can’t just sit here all day” 

“I’ll cover for you” Retsuko said, handing the roll of paper towels to Haida. 

“But you always have so much work to do, there’s no way you could cover for me as well” 

“Don’t worry, I can handle it. I’m always overworked, it’s just now I have a reason to work hard. To cover for my favorite person in the office” 

Haida’s heart went aflutter at those words as Retsuko left the tea room to get going on her work. 

“That poor girl” Haida thought “she’s willing to work herself to death for me” 

The hyena knew he couldn’t let Retsuko do this, he cared too much for her. 

000

“Excuse me, sir” Washimi said, stepping into the CEO’s office. 

“Hmm?” The elephant said, looking up from the laptop on his desk.

“I was walking into work this morning and I noticed a member of the accounting department smash his face on one of the glass panels you had installed, making his nose bleed”

“Oh, that’s unfortunate. Well I guess people are going to have to get used to having those panels there. I mean it is a change, but we’ve changed things in the office before” 

The CEO stated at his laptop screen for a few seconds before Washimi’s foot came down and smashed the device. 

“My laptop!” The CEO said in horror as he watched the D key fly across the desk.

“Something must be done” Washimi said “today I’ve seen 2 employees of this company run into those panels, with one injuring himself as a result. He could sue us for injuries, or he could quit if he thinks this company is not a safe working environment” 

The CEO stated at Washimi as she continued her tirade. 

“Other employees could run into those glass panels and injure themselves, allowing them to sue as well. We could be looking at losses of millions of dollars here. Not only that but those panels could break if someone runs into them, which could further injure someone. If you want this company to maintain a healthy economic base and good relations with the public, those glass panels must be removed” 

“Oh my god!” The CEO said, terrible thoughts of money losses going through his head “call that glass company back! Get those panels out of here!”

“As you wish” Washimi said, exiting the office. 000

Retsuko was working hard, trying to get through her and Haida’s combined work. Piles of paperwork littered her desk as she typed away on her keyboard as fast as she could. A text from Washimi came up on her phone, and the red panda quickly glanced over to see what it said.

 “Hey, I just got the CEO to agree to remove those panels. Tell your boyfriend he doesn’t need to worry about them anymore” 

Retsuko blushed as she read the “boyfriend” line. Was it that obvious her and Haida liked each other? The red panda was distracted from her thoughts by someone taking away one of the piles of paperwork. 

Retsuko looked up to see that Haida, with 2 paper towels in his nostrils, was the one removing the stack of paper. 

“Haida? What are you doing? You should rest and make sure your nose stops bleeding” 

“I can’t let you do all this work yourself” the hyena said, grabbing some more papers. “I care to much too let you work yourself to death like this”

It warmed retsuko’s heart to know that Haida was doing this for her. Maybe it was obvious they cared for each other. For the rest of the day, she was happy as she worked. 

000

“You feeling better Haida?” Fenneko asked, as her, Haida, and Retsuko walked out of the office building, heading home for the night, with another hard day’s work completed. 

“Yep, my nose has stopped bleeding. Thanks to Retsuko caring for me no doubt”

“Awww” Retsuko said, blushing as the trio passed some glassworkers removing the panels Haida had ran into earlier. 

One of the workers noticed something on one of the panels and inquired to his coworker about it. 

“Is that blood?”

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Also: thanks a lot tumblr for your dumb 100 text block limit making this thing harder to post than it should be!

[bts-love-sweat-tears]

Julie’s Love Yourself Concert Diary

Concert Date: September 29, 2018

Written: September 30, 2018

Warnings: I curse more than I should?

Words: 3,330ish-added a few  things at the last minute (phew!)

A/N:

[Update: Tumblr couldn’t upload all my photos that I spent awhile choosing and placing, so I’m going to have to pare it down. Sorry bbs! I opted to cut my personal & merch photos in favor of the boys]

So I have one thousand and one things I should be working on-for school, for work, for my eventual job hunt. But instead I am going to write about last night’s experience while it was still fresh in my mind. I was thinking of doing a song-by-song play-by-play, but you can look up the setlist on Wikipedia, so instead I am going to talk about the things that jumped out at me. WARNING: This is essentially one giant spoiler, so I will try to put a “Read More” cut, though it’s been being weird for me lately. So scroll carefully if you’re going to a later date and don’t want to know. All photos taken on my (now ancient) iPhone 6, so I tried to choose the best ones). Will edit as I see typos I made.

I’m a little nervous since I usually write fiction instead of sharing my personal experience. Anyway, full disclosure that this is just my perspective, and I’m (always) happy to discuss things (civilly) if you disagree with me.  <3  Photos and opinions are mine.- please don’t re-post anywhere else.

The Background/ Pulling a Namjoon and Leaving my Ticket at Home

Even though I was going to the Saturday show, I flew into LaGuardia using frequent flyer miles on Friday morning. I was staying with a friend in Queens, so I went straight to her apartment. I’m a grad student as most of you probably know at this point, so I spent most of Friday working on a paper that was due. I had two friends I met at last year’s concert going to the Friday concert, and they went for merch promptly at 9, but I had just arrived and had a deadline to meet for school.  Around 4:30PM, I decided that I was done for the day and opened Ticketmaster to print my ticket for the next day’s show. When I logged in, I saw the notice that the ticket had been mailed to me. I remembered having seen that when I bought the ticket in May, but in my defense I was jet-lagged and ill on that day. Furthermore, I moved to and from NYC in that time for a summer internship, and SO MUCH HAD HAPPENED. The tickets had been mailed while I was living here and I had never seen them, so somehow it slipped my mind. Obviously I lived too far away, but I didn’t know if I could express overnight them, but I think when I called Ticketmaster, the old ones were deactivated when the guy tried to send me the link.

Anyway, print at home was not an option, so I called Ticketmaster and in a panic explained my situation. They said it happened all the time and offered to send me a link. Luckily I kept the rep on the line, because it turned out that even they couldn’t email a link because of the anti-scalpers/fraud/whatever.

Then the rep said that I could show the credit card, but I had literally cut it up the week prior since the Vendor (e.g. the store that the card was through) had switched their card to a different bank (e.g. Visa to Mastercard), so I seemed shady af, even though I was telling the truth. He said as long as I had a login to a statement showing the transaction (I didn’t, since they had opted to close the account at an institutional level).  So I called my mom frantically, and luckily she is the hyper-organized type who keeps paper copies of everything and sent them to me. Seriously, Mom for the win!  I run to this print shop as it’s closing and print everything out.  I had the Ticketmaster receipt & order #, and two photo ID’s confirming my address. The guy said it should be fine, but I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. This was my one birthday gift and something I had been looking forward to for months. Anyway, my friend and I went out to a local bar near the Halsey (yes, the singer took her name from the station) stop on the L line, and I was super anti-social because I was so upset. I also burst a blood vessel in my eye  (it will heal, no worries) because of too much birthday partying the prior weekend, so I’m sure I was a (sour) sight to behold.

I slept poorly for obvious reasons, and left the apartment around 7AM, and arrived to Prudential center around 8:30ish. There were only a few people outside of will call, but the GA line was already wrapped around the building. I made small talk with people outside of the box office, and one woman told me she had gotten soundcheck both days. Seriously, what kind of karma do I need for that to happen to me? She and her friends had been camping out since Thursday, and they were SUPER organized: while she waited in line, one was at merch, and someone else was holding their GA site. I almost wondered if they were a fansite or something. ARMY are a truly organized bunch (except for me, clearly).

Anyway, after another half hour of pure anxiety, they opened up will call and I was panicking, but they were really helpful and gave me my ticket after I verified the order number, showed my id and confirmed some other personal data. I decided then and there that nothing else mattered and I was just happy to be there and be in.

Waiting in line/Logistics/Staff

I left the box office, and got into the GA line. It was probably around 9:15, and the line had already doubled-back on itself all the way around the building. The woman from earlier told me that her friend had got #1000 and was only 3 rows back, so I still had some hope. Basically, you line up to get your spot in line- though it’s kinda dumb that you have to line up twice, it makes security go faster and guarantees that there isn’t a huge surge/stronger people cutting  in line later.

I wore what I thought were my most comfortable shoes, but after standing on concrete for hours, I don’t think it makes a difference. People were so friendly though-  I never once felt awkward even though I was by myself. The same was true last year- the friends who had gone up for merch on Friday I met while in line at last years’ Wings concert. I chatted with people around me, drank the two bottles of water I had, and looked at my phone. Bring an umbrella for shade and sunscreen though-I didn’t and am rocking a nice farmers burn/tan today.  It wasn’t humid though, and it wasn’t raining, so it could have been so much worse.

Even though there were tons of people, everyone was well-behaved. I didn’t see any altercations, though as the day went on the staff seemed a bit overwhelmed with crowd control.  I didn’t see too many people selling unofficial merch like last year, though I did buy a few necklaces (Joon and Chim, ofc).

After 3.5 hours, I finally got my wristband. They told us to be back by 2pm to line up for real, as they were going to try to open the doors at 3 instead of 3:30 (didn’t end up happening).

Merch

I then ran to merch, but there wasn’t much left. The fans/pickets were selling out as I got in line, and people were basically yelling “NOOOOOOOO” everytime the staff put up a “SOLD OUT” sticker. I bought what I could that was left, including a bracelet, which I’m actually in love with, the eco-tote (super overpriced tbh, $50 for a canvas bag), but the shopper bags were gone and I needed something to carry the box and batteries V3 ARMY Bomb I bought. I had one from last year that I also forgot, but I think the new version was cool because they are synced up with the music so you can change colors and patterns along with everyone else. Overall, it’s EXPEN$$$$IVE, but if anyone’s worth it, it’s Bangtan.

Newark

I was getting super tired after this, so I kinda passed on the photo studio table, big poster, and UNICEF stuff. I tried to go to Starbucks, but even though it was the middle of the day, I didn’t feel that safe, even though it was like 11:45 in the middle of the day. I’m a 27 year old who’s lived in Latin America (which is generally stereotyped for violence), solo traveled around the world, and I’m from the Rust Belt (aka home of true urban decay), but that part of Newark sketched me the heck out. Probably it would have been fine, but I opted for caution, and went to a Dunkin Donuts and empanada place right around the corner. The timing was actually good since we had to get back pretty quickly to line back up.

The second line was where the staff struggled, telling people to back up and get in order, but it seemed like staff were doing different things. Plus, if they wanted people to back up, they should have created room at the back first, before telling the front to basically “back that ass up” on the people behind them.

GA vs. Seated

I can say this- if you are short, you probably want a seat. Or if you have any kind of knee, back, or joint problems- I stood for approximately 14 straight hours on concrete yesterday. I am just under 5”5” but I was probably one of the taller people in the crowd, so I had a pretty good view. Even though they asked people to not take videos or record, you WILL be looking through a sea of cell phones. I could see pretty well, but sometimes when they were on the main stage I had a hard time seeing around other people’s arms.

Last time I had P2 seated, and the view was wonderful. I went to the bathroom, charged my phone, and ate nachos (lol), so it was generally a more chill experience. I was still super close but up a little higher and could see absolutely everything. But last night I was SO close I could see Joon’s dimples irl, and got splashed by both Jungkook and J-Hope when they threw the water bottles.  Probably 100 people think this, but I’m also pretty sure Yoongi  (and maybeeee Jimin) saw me jumping and singing along like crazy since I was one of the taller people. At the very least, Yoongi keep looking in the general direction I was in. Ofc I looked gross af with my messed up eye and crazy hair, but what I loved about the concert is that I was 100% able to forget all the insecurities I carry around with me on a day to day basis and have an AMAZING time.

Of course the whole place is crazy high energy, but I feel like last night was INSANELY high. I’m not sure if it was the overall vibe or if that was the GA influencing my opinion.  It just depends on what kind of experience you want to have. Also, if you are claustrophobic, you should probably pass on GA. The guards kept forcing people to back up, at one point even coming in with a flashlight, and people would surge forward whenever a member came close. But someone said the night before was chill, so maybe it’s just luck of the draw.

The Show

The show was absolutely amazing. They opened with IDOL, which got people hyped from the get-go. Their dancing was ON POINT as always. People were chanting during the intro videos and chatting as it filled in, so it was a great vibe once again- just super happy feeling. The audio visual part was AMAZING, though I’m no pro, and I loved all of the concert outfits, especially Jimin’s super sparkly sweater. Lots of jumping, and lots of screams. I didn’t have earplugs and was fine, but if you’re sensitive to loud sounds I definitely recommend them. ISTG I remembered hearing a mashup of FIRE, but maybe not? Wikipedia seems to think not. But they played a few older ones too, which made me so soft and nostalgic.

More on the members during the concert

Kim Namjoon

Ok, this is so so so biased, let me start with that. If you’ve followed me for any amount of time, you know how much I love this man. Seeing him smiling and happy was amazing. And they had a professional translator for this concert, so I felt like Joon was able to relax a little and enjoy himself instead of worrying about translating for everyone else.  He is just as tall and proportional as everyone says he is.  Everyone talks about how soft he is these days (and I love it), but he has undeniable charisma when he raps. Plus him in sunglasses, ddaeng. Seeing him so close was akin to something spiritual for me (I SAW THE DIMPLES WITH MY OWN EYES), as were people shouting along with him to “Love.” At the end, he commented how we were all sharing the same air, and hearing him think the way (I know at least some of ) us think was so heartwarming.  

Also during some of the videos, there were some NOT AT ALL subtle Minjoon moments.  

Kim Seokjin

The crowd last night ADORED Jin and gave him all the attention he deserves to have all the time. People were chanting his name SO LOUDLY during instrumental breaks in Epiphany. His voice was phenomenal, particularly the high notes. it’s clear how hard he’s worked to make it sound so effortless.  I noticed that people weren’t moving as much during some of his notes and I can only think it’s because we were literally transfixed. It’s well established, but I don’t think this man has any bad angles. Even in the still pictures I took while dancing, he DOESN’T look awkward in any of them. #impossible.

Min Yoongi

Suga was clearly happy about something last night- he was SO cute and happy. Other ARMY on the train back to the city agreed with me. His rapping was fire (duh), but he was really smiley and took out his earpiece a number of times to hear us screaming. “Seesaw” starts with him laying on a couch and I can think of no better way to capture his true soul (lol). He was extra attentive to fans, and  I feel like what Tae mentioned in Burn the Stage, he was trying to memorize ARMY’s faces and live in the moment. I felt bad because there were clearly parts where he wanted us to sing along, but we couldn’t necessarily keep up with his tongue technology :P  But people definitely tried their best.  

Jung Hoseok

Idk what I can say here that’s new. J-Hope is one of the most charismatic members on the stage. And there’s something in the American air that turns him into Jay Hope. Seriously, he’s hard to move your eyes away from. “Just Dance” was the first solo track if I remember correctly and he did not disappoint. His glasses at the end were adorable, and one of the other members called him a “happy grandfather” or something like that.  Seriously, if you’re still sleeping on Hobi, we can’t be friends.  

Park Jimin

Jimin was ethereal as always, and the choreography for Serendipity was…..salacious, to say the least. Like if you thought the “Take Me Down” cover from last year’s Festa was too much, then idk what to tell you. Bring holy water or something. Despite  the free water that fans were providing to others (ARMY are seriously the best) there was a different kind of thirst occurring, if you smell what I’m stepping in. Jimin is pure charisma, like J-Hope. Obviously their styles are totally different, but when they move, you stop whatever you’re doing and watch. Again, I didn’t even see many ARMY bombs moving during Serendipity- I think we were too entranced. I personally thought that he killed his vocals and did great, but he seemed a little tired or like he was working hard at it. Jimin was also the one (at least that I saw from my angle) that got the closest to the fans, crouching down and leaning over the teleprompters/fans/lights/ whatever the black boxes were at the edge of the stage.

Similar to Tae and Yoongi, I saw him looking at fans A LOT during the show. He was exactly how he seems in V Lives and cameras, and I’m fairly certain I would spontaneously combust if I ever ran into him irl (even if I didn’t know who he was)- he just radiates warmth and friendliness. Seriously, if I believed in magic, I feel like he would be able to influence people’s emotions.

Kim Taehyung

So many fic writers have this ultra primal (for lack of a better word?) for Tae, but all I see is a cute sweetheart. Obviously I’ve never seen someone create as much tension with their own arm as he does during Singularity, but when he’s not dancing, I just got a super innocent, cutesy vibe from him. His voice was so smooth last night. I mean, I knew, but now I KNOW.  He actually was shooting hearts at one fan (how lucky they are), and pretended to fall down when they shot him back! They were further back in P2 as well so he really does work hard at paying attention to everyone. He actually called over another member (maybe Yoongi or Jimin? I was too busy trying to remember how to breathe, to see whatever he was seeing).

At the end he whipped a heart out of his beanie (how I pray to god someone got that moment on camera) a la Jin. He just seemed really comfortable in his own skin last night, and I was so grateful for it.  

Jeon Jungkook

I had a hard time seeing most of his Euphoria performance as it was relatively early on and people were taking a shit ton of videos. He also stayed mostly on the main stage, rather than come out to the extension area near where I was. His abs are just as great in person, and the screams were (as is to be expected), absolutely deafening. They’ve talked about it in shows, but his voice is  SO stable. Obviously they stopped at times and don’t use too much backing vocals, but it sounded EXACTLY how it does on the album. He threw something into the crowd  (I think a banner) at the end, and it FLEW so far-back to P2 or further. They’re not kidding when they talk about how strong he is.  

Final thoughts

At first, I was a little exhausted after my emotional trauma of the prior day, and from standing for so long but the minute it started I forgot everything else. I was salty when I couldn’t see that much bc of people recording (esp when they asked us not to), but I understand the specialness of the moment and wanting to have some tangible evidence that you were there. By the time the concert was over, I realized how special GA was, even if it’s more difficult logistically (since I went solo and didn’t have parents or friends to stand in). I still don’t know if it’s hit me that I was like 10 feet away from them, max. It reaffirmed how important they are to me. I didn’t write this to brag, but to hopefully share my perspective and let others live vicariously through my experience. If you want clarification or anything else, write to me!