#I see them for who they really are. Scared children. Always having to put on a show and play victim.

[darkbluekies]

Make things right? Or make them worse?

Yandere!doctor husband (platonic to his children) x twin daughters ocs x female!reader

Summary: Dr Kry’s children finds out their fathers dark secret, and he's determined to silence them.

Warnings: toxic household, yandere, favoritism, guilt, poison, mentions of murder (things along this way)

A/N: I have created my own poison for this story, so I choose the effects. Lol.

Word count: 6.2k

“Bye, dad”, Lydia says and closes the car door.

Her twin follows out of the car, almost hides behind her like a shadow. Lydia frowns confusedly. She’s been more silent than usual this morning. They turn to walk into school.

“Girls”, Dr Kry says through the open car window, catching their attention. “I want you here at three sharp, okay? I’m not in the mood for waiting.”

“Yes, sir”, Lydia answers. 

“Good. Have a good day, girls, I’ll see you later.”

With that said, he drives off. Lydia turns to Nadia who finally raises her gaze from her feet. 

“What’s wrong?” Lydia asks and fixes her backpack. “You’ve been acting off all morning.”

“I have to talk to you about something”, Nadia says hesitantly and looks at her with uneasy eyes. 

Lydia blinked and frowned. “What?”

“I was meaning to talk to you earlier, but I didn’t want to do it when dad was around.” Nadia glanced at the other students swarming around the school grounds. “It’s about mom … and her sickness.”

For as long as they can remember, their mother has been bound to her bed by a rare disease. Thankfully, their father is a remarkable doctor and has been caring for her ever since the twins' birth. He works at a hospital in the city and travels forty minutes back and forth every day, dropping the twins off at school on the way there, and picking them up on the wayback. When they were young, they were put in a private school carefully chosen by their father — who has been very active in the administration.

Their father is a complex person. Although they’ve been by him their entire life, they still feel like they don’t know him. He rarely talks about himself, and seem to have a human side for their mother only. Very rarely, there’s a soft side for the girls … often they’re met by a doctor, rather than a parent. Despite that, Lydia has always been a daddy’s girl, while Nadia has clung to their mom for love and comfort. 

“What about it?” Lydia asks carefully. 

“I heard something …”, Nadia starts and licks her lips nervously. “I heard these noises, from mom and dad’s room-”

“Don’t tell me you heard them have sex”, Lydia grimaces. 

“No …” Nadia shakes her head, eyes shaking. “They were talking. Mom was crying and daad was standing by the bed, holding her cheeks in his hands like this …” She cups her sisters cheeks in demonstration, “...while saying: ‘you’re never going back there, I’ll never share you like that again’.” She shivers. “I-I don’t know what that was, but it made me feel really weird.”

Lydia frowns, trying to picture the scene in front of her. 

“Are you sure that it wasn’t just dad’s weird love language?” she asks carefully. 

“I don’t know”, Nadia sighs defeatedly. “Mom seemed … scared. She looked up at him with eyes full of terror. She could have had a nightmare or something, but dad’s voice- … it was awful. I don’t know how to describe it, but it sounded extremely dark.”

“We could try to ask her.”

“What if dad hears?”

“I could distract him while you ask, if that helps you ease your worry.”

Nadia smiles gratefully. “Thank you, Lyd.”

Lydia gives her an unsure smile and grabs her hand and they walk into school. 

Like Dr Kry had asked them to, they stand by the gates at three sharp. His white car rolls over and the two of them jumps in, Lydia in the front seat and Nadia in the backseat.

“How has your day been?” he asks and drives off. 

He always asks about their classes, teachers and friends. If there’s a small detail he doesn’t like, he makes sure to contact the school and let them know his thoughts. More than one friendship has ended thanks to his overprotectiveness and the twins has learned to dilute the truth enough for him to be able to swallow it. So once again, they answer in the way he wants to hear it. 

The car drives from the city, gets off the highway and enters a countryside road. The dirt road is divided in the middle with grass, creating enough space for the wheels of his white car to roll forward. Here, nothing can be heard except the sounds of distant birds. Their white, edwardian villa is surrounded by a deep, dark forest, close to a gigantic sparkly lake with the closest neighbor being a kilometer away. Despite the isolating upbringing the twins have had, getting away from the noisy, stressful city to the empty forest always cleanse their brains. 

The white, Scandinavian, edwardian aged, wooden villa appears behind the trees like a castle. The house has two floors with a green atticroof, and a bushy, blooming garden in the same color, two glass verandahs on either side of the house and a white fence around the garden.

The twins get out of the car. Nadia gives her a look and Lydia nods. 

“Dad”, she says. “I’ve been feeling a bit weird these last days … I think I’m going to be sick.”

“Really?” Dr Kry asks and frowns. He closes the trunk of the car. “Who have you been around? Are any of the other students sick?”

“A few.”

“Nadia, are you feeling bad too?”

“No”, Nadia replies.

“Could you please give me a check up?” Lydia asks. 

“Alright, come with me”, Dr Kry says and nods at her to follow him. 

While they walk inside, their father and Lydia walks to the living room and Nadia sneaks off upstairs. She moves carefully to their parents’ room and knock gently on the door before entering. Their mother, you, is lying in bed with a book in her hand. You look as weak as ever. Nadia shivers. 

“Hi, sweetheart”, you smile and puts down your book on your chest. “Did you have a good day in school?”

“Yes …”, Nadia mumbles and sits down on the side of the bed, unsure on how to start this absurd conversation. 

“What’s wrong, Nadia?”

“What happened yesterday? WIth you and dad?”

You flinch. Your smile disappears for a moment for it to appear quickly again, but this time in a fake manner. 

“Why did he say that?” Nadia asks carefully. “Why did he say that he wasn’t going to share you again?”

“O-Oh, that …”, you mumble with an embarrassed smile. “It was nothing, don’t worry about it. It was just some adult stuff that me and your dad were talking about.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, honey. Why? Did it make you worry?”

Nadia nods slightly. Y/N gives her a smile and takes her hand. 

“It’s okay, sweetheart, there’s nothing to be afraid of”, you reassure Nadia. “Whatever happens between me and your dad is nothing you have to be afraid of. We will always put you and your sister first, okay? There’s nothing you have to be worried about. I love you, darling.”

“I love you too, mom …”

You hug her, and Nadia hugs back, but she can’t help but feel that her heart sinks. Something isn’t right. 

The very next day when they’re left off at school, Nadia grabs Lydia’s arm. 

“Let’s go to the hospital”, she says the second their father’s car disappears behind the corner. She holds up a metallic key. “I have the key to mom’s old room.”

“What?” Lydia asks in confusion. “Why?”

“I have a feeling that mom isn’t really sick and I have to take a look around in her old hospital room. Something isn’t right!” She clears her throat and lowers her voice. “Mom and dad met at the hospital and that he was her doctor, that much we know, right?”

Lydia nods, trying to follow along. 

“Isn’t it weird that a doctor as professional as our dad decided to start a relationship with a patient like that?” Nadia asks, sounding unsure. “And wouldn’t he have done everything he could to make mom feel better? Shouldn’t she be better now? I just … I want to know if he has done something.”

“Do you really think he has?”

“I don’t know. I really don’t know. But something isn’t right, and I feel that. Mom seemed to be put on the spot when I asked her about the interaction I had overheard. She seemed scared.” Nadia grabbed her hand in hers. “Please, Lyd, can we go there and just take a look?”

Lydia hesitates and glances at the private school behind them, contemplating the consequences. 

“Please”, Nadia repeats. “If mom is getting hurt, I want to help her.”

“Okay”, Lydia nods. 

With that said, they hurry past the school gates before a teacher has the time to catch them. They take the first bus to the state hospital their father works at and hope that he’s with a patient while they sneak around. 

They hurry inside the hospital and keep their heads down to make sure that none of the working receptionists would recognise them and report to their father right away. They stay silent until they get into the elevator. 

Once out, they sneak over to the door. Lydia stands guard as Nadia presses the key into its lock. The click from the key opening echoes in the empty corridor. Nadia’s hand hovers above the door handle. Her heart twirls around uncomfortably. In a moment, she will be in the room where their parents met, where something happened that made their dad take the decision of stepping over the professional line. If that was good or bad is yet to be known, but she can’t help but feel worried. 

The room is empty, in more than one way. The spirits of old memories haunt the room and they leave a sour taste in the twins’ mouths. Lydia looks towards the bed. Their mother has been lying here for months with a sickness that has kept her bed bound for years. But what happened while she was here?

“What are we looking for?” Lydia wonders. 

“Anything”, Nadia shrugs and looks around. “Whatever that can help us is fine. Journals, reports, notes — anything.”

They start to rummage through drawers, in binders and notepads. Lydia finds herself holding a yellow paper binder with their mother’s name written on it, in their father’s handwriting. 

“Nad, look at this”, Lydia says and holds up the binder. 

They put the binder on the desk and start to pull out papers. Every paper is written from the top to the bottom in ink.

“He has documented her every day …”, Lydia says, perplexed. She shakes her head in denial. “Every single day, every single hour. Obsessively. Look, every little detail is written down. ‘12:35, eaten an apple’, ‘16:52, took a shower’, ‘22:30, called for me on the telephone’. What is this?”

Nadia picks up another paper, a smaller, clearly supposed to be hidden between the other sides. She puts her hand over her mouth as her eyes widens. 

“Oh no”, she gasps and drops the paper. “No, no, no, no …”

Lydia frowns, bends down and picks up the paper. Her heart sinks as she reads the note. It’s a single word, but they’re familiar with it. They’ve found bottles of it in the cellar and the attic multiple times, and when they asked Dr Kry about it, he answered that it was a substance to kill vermin.

“He’s poisoning mom”, Nadia whispers in horror and looks at her twin with wide, terrified eyes. 

Lydia feels the air disappear from her lungs. Suddenly, she feels nauseous. She sits down on the rolling stool and tries to control her breathing. Nadia sinks down on the bed with her head in her hands. 

“What the fuck do we do?” Lydia breathes out with her eyes staring dimly in front of her. She has never felt this empty before, this helpless. “What the fuck do we do now, Nadia?”

“W-We have to call the cops”, Nadia gulps. 

“The cops? Nad, he’s our dad!”

“But if he hurts mom …” Her voice dies out. “We can’t let him take more years from her.”

Lydia nods and wipes the few tears that have begun to run down her cheeks. With shaking hands, she unzips her backpack and shoves the binder down. They will need evidence if they have to prove to the cops. 

The door behind them opens. Both girls fly up from their positions and scurry over to each other. Dr Kry walks in and stops abruptly in the door. 

“What are you doing here?” he asks quickly. 

He’s trying to force a smile, but the red eyes of his daughters and the trembling bodies of theirs are all he needs to see, to know that they know. 

“How fucking could you?!” Nadia screams. 

Dr Kry hurries to close the door as she continues to shout through sobs. 

“What’s your deal with mom?!” she screams. “How can you keep her like this?! Where’s your fucking conscience?!”

She thinks that she’s going to explode in pure fear, anger and sorrow. Dr Kry clenches his jaw and sighs heavily. 

“Your mother is a very, very special person”, he says slowly, as if he is talking to a ticking bomb. “It is all a misunderstanding, girls, I will tell you everything at home. Come, we’re going home now.”

“We’re not going anywhere with you”, Nadia spits and stands in front of her frozen sister. 

“You don’t have to be afraid of me.” Dr Kry rolls his eyes when they don’t answer. “You’re my daughters, and you are not yet of age, you have to come with me.”

Nadia wants to refuse again, but she doesn’t want to leave her mother alone with him, not when he knows that they know. 

“Now”, Dr Kry decides. 

Nadia picks up Lydia’s bag and gives it to her sister. It looks like Lydia is going to throw up any second now. Nadia takes her hand and they follow their father out of the room, and out through a back door. For the first time, Lydia sits down in the backseat together with her twin. They hold each others hands tightly and keep silent the entire car ride home. 

“Girls, I never wanted you to see that”, Dr Kry sighs and tries to meet their eyes in the rear view mirror. “I- … It’s hard to explain. Your mother is a very special person who I’m very lucky to have met.”

Lydia squeezes her eyes shut, but she can’t keep him out of her head. 

When they come home, Nadia drags her sister into the house. 

“Girls, don’t go upstairs”, Dr Kry says in that same dark voice Nadia had heard him talk in a few days ago. “I want you to stay down here.”

They halt, suddenly too scared to move. 

“I want you to help me with dinner”, Dr Kry says. “Come on.”

The twins glance at each other. Lydia starts to drag her sister to the kitchen. They help in complete silence. Lydia’s hands are trembling while she cuts cucumber and it slips, cutting a slit in her finger. She yelps and drops the knife. 

“Oh, honey”, Dr Kry breathes out and grabs her hand. “You have to be careful.”

She doesn’t look at him as he washes her hand under the kitchen sink and puts on a bandaid. Her entire body is in fight or flight mode. 

When Dr Kry takes care of the final touches, the twins scurry up to their mother. Your face drops when you see them. 

“Why is he doing this to you?” Nadia asks thickly as she tries not to cry. “We found out.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry, girls”, you say sorrowfully. “I wish that you never had to know.”

“Why do you let it happen?” Lydia asks quietly. 

“I have no choice … I can’t do anything.” You lower your gaze and voice to an ashamed whisper. “I don’t have the energy to run away, and if I managed to, you’d be in danger and I’d be dead. Your father has the only antidote to his self made poison. It’s safer for everyone if I stay here.”

“But mom …”, Nadia whimpers, “... he’s hurting you.”

“I … I know, dear.” 

The door opens behind them. 

“Girls, dinner”, Dr Kry says shortly and nods towards the corridor. “Go downstairs.”

The twins turn to you, wanting you to make their decision. You give them a reassuring smile and they leave. You look at the man who has become your husband, much to your dismay. 

“Why did you let them find out?” you whisper with tears in your eyes. “You promised that they would never know!”

“I didn't think that they would.” He wipes the tears that roll down your cheeks. “I’ll fix this mess. Don’t worry, darling.”

With that said, he tucks you in and leaves to go downstairs. The twins have sat down by the dining table with their blank, staring eyes turned down into the table. Dr Kry sits down and start to eat, without seeming to care at all about the incidents that happened earlier. Nadia stares down into her plate with disgust roaring in her stomach. If she eats, she’s going to throw it all up in a matter of thirty minutes. She closes her eyes and sighs sadly. Lydia tries to eat a bite, forcing it down her throat. 

“Nadia, eat a little”, Dr Kry says. 

“I’m not hungry”, she mumbles. 

“You need to eat a bit. I won’t allow you to leave the table before you have eaten. Look at Lydia, she’s eating.”

Lydia feels her cheeks heat up as the attention turns to her. She’s suddenly embarrassed over obeying. Feeling exposed and naked under Nadia’s look of disbelief, as if she’s just broken a silent pact. But instead of saying anything, Nadia picks up her fork and takes a bite of the white rice. The twins can agree that this might have been the worst dinner they have ever experienced. 

Nadia puts her hand over her heart and clears her throat. There's a heavy feeling over her chest, something almost suffocating. She looks to the side, seeing how Lydia is frowning as well, trying to clear her throat. Nadia think that she looks like she’s going to faint. She wants to ask her how she’s feeling, but doesn’t dare talk in front of their father, afraid to start a conversation. 

After dinner, the twins decide to go upstairs, but their legs suddenly feel weak enough to break apart. 

“What’s going on?” Lydia whispers and grips the staircase railing. 

“I think that he put something in the food”, Nadia whispers back. 

“I feel really sick …”

She falls down on her knees in the middle of the staircase, still holding onto the railing. Nadia hurries to pull her up again and drags her over to her bedroom, lazily tucking her in. 

“Don’t leave me”, Lydia whimpers and grabs her hand before she can leave the room. “Stay … please. Don’t go. I'm scared.”

Nadia agrees, not wanting to leave. She climbs down under the covers of Lydia’s bed. They lay in silence and look up at the tilted, wooden ceiling. For every minute passes by, they’re growing more and more sick. Every muscle in their bodies seem to ache, twist and turn. 

“He’s doing it to us too”, Nadia whispers. 

They hear the lock on the door click and give each other terrified looks. Nadia stumbles out of the bed and feel the handle. She gulps in horror and turns back to the bed. 

“It’s locked!” she says and breathes out in shock. “He actually locked it …”

“Come back …”, Lydia begs and reaches for her. 

Nadia returns to the bed, crawls down under the covers and hugs her. She wraps her arms around her sister and rests Lydia’s head on her shoulder. 

“I’m scared”, Lydia whispers. 

“It’s going to be okay”, Nadia replies, although she doesn’t believe it herself. “We’re going to be okay.”

Dr Kry removes his tie, about to go to sleep. 

“I can’t believe you …”, you whisper from the bed, with her eyes down at her trembling hands. 

“Darling …”, Dr Kry sighs and turns around. 

You raise your tone, but keep it hushed enough not to exceed the bedroom walls. “You promised that they would never get hurt! You promised that they would never get exposed to this fucking substance!”

“They haven’t … yet.”

“Yet?! Don’t fucking tell me-”

“They figured it out, okay? They heard our conversation and decided to check out the hospital for themselves. I underestimated their intelligence … and their love for you.” He sighs annoyedly. “I’m not going to let their lack of understanding break apart our family — that I have fought so hard for. I put something in their food to keep them still for a while. It’s nothing dangerous, little one. I promise you that.”

“If I knew that you were going to break your promise-”

“I had to.”

He is about to caress your cheek, but hears sounds coming from next door. One of the girls is banging on the locked bedroom door, and calling for him. Dr Kry excuses himself and gets out of the room. He walks over to Lydia’s room, where the noise is coming from. Quickly, he unlocks, finding Nadia leaning on the wall right next to the door. Her eyes are full with tears. 

“What’s going on?” Dr Kry asks. 

“Lydia isn’t waking up!” Nadia cries.

Dr Kry feels his body turn cold. He runs over to the bed where his other daughter is lying on her side, and he soon finds out that Nadia is right — she isn’t waking up. He shakes her, gives her gentle taps on her cheeks and lifts her up. Nothing wakes her. He has to take her to the hospital. 

“Wait, where are you going?!” Nadia screams after him as Dr Kry carries her sister down the stairs. “She doesn’t want to be alone!”

“You have to stay here with mom”, Dr Kry says over his shoulder. “I’m taking care of Lydia.”

He hurries out of the house and quickly places her down in the back seat. Dr Kry’s usual forty minute drive to the hospital took only twenty five minutes this time. He picked her up in her arms and ran inside through the backdoor, and didn’t stop until their reach the room you have spent many, many months in. Dr Kry places his daughter down on the very same bed you have laid in. He placed an oxygen over Lydia’s mouth and nose, turning on the machine. He hasn’t felt this scared in a long time. 

Finally, after an hour, Lydia opens her eyes with a small moan. Dr Kry hurries over to the bed and removes the mask. 

“How are you feeling?” he asks her and brushes the hair out of her face. 

“I feel really sick”, she whimpers. 

“Do you need to throw up?” 

Lydia nods. Dr Kry picks her up again and moves her into the bathroom where she hovers over the toilet for ten minutes. Dr Kry holds her hair back and grimaces sadly. He does feel bad for putting her through this, but he has to. 

“There you go”, he says and puts her down on the bed again. 

“Why am I here?” Lydia asks weakly.

“You weren’t responding when anyone tried to wake you up. I got worried, so I decided to take you here.”

“Am I going to die?”

Dr Kry scoffs out a smile in a weird sensation of deja-vu. He has heard that question a lot, in the exact same tone and manner, but from the generation before her.  

“You’re not”, he reassures her and strokes her hair. “You know that I would never let anything happen to you.”

“Why am I feeling like this?”

“I put something in your food to make you and Nadia calm down, but you seem to have reacted badly to the substance … weirdly enough. Since you’re identical twins, i thought you’d react the same, but it seems like you are a bit more sensitive than your sister.”

“Nadia ate less than me.”

“Yeah, you might have gotten more substance in your body, which is why you feel worse. It’s going to be okay, I will not let anything happen to you.”

“But you hurt me.”

His smile drops and his hand stops stroking her hair. He knows that Lydia shares half of her mothers genetics, but he didn’t know that she would sound exactly like you. She has never heard you use these phrases, and yet Lydia has chosen the exact same wording that you have tortured Dr Kry with years ago. 

“I didn’t mean for you to end up here”, Dr Kry sighs and continues to stroke her hair. “That was my fault, I admit that. However, I had to keep you and Nadia a bit sedated because of how scared you were.”

“Why did you use so much?” she whimpers. 

“I was a bit shaky myself, I wasn’t meant to hurt you, Lydia.”

Lydia sighs shakily and sinks down in the mattress. She wants nothing more than to go back home, to Nadia, but at the same time she knows that if she goes back home, she will be locked in her room again. Continuing with life now that they know their father’s secret will be difficult. 

“How long do I have to stay here?” she asks quietly. 

“Until you’re feeling better”, Dr Kry replies and stands up. “For now, I think that you need to sleep. It’s late.”

That’s the last thing she wants to do. She has always been Dr Kry’s (not so subtle) favorite, and she has always had a preference for her father … but for the very first time, she’s afraid of him. She can’t trust him anymore, especially about her health. Being unconscious is the last thing she wants to do. 

“I don’t want to”, Lydia says pleadingly. “I’m not tired … please don’t make me sleep, dad.”

Please don’t make me sleep. Your voice echoes in his head, in the exact same tone. Dr Kry knows that he did a million things wrong when he kept you here, and now he has a second chance to fix things. 

“Okay”, he breathes out and sits down on his stool. “You don’t have to sleep, darling.”

Lydia gulps and looks around in the room, trying to imagine how you had felt while being here. She feels a heavy sensation over her chest, like a heavy stone. She couldn’t see the poisoned air purifier that was mentioned in the journal. 

“Did mom lay here?” Lydia whispers. 

“Yes”, he answers quietly. 

“How long?”

Dr Kry looks down at his nails, eyes faltering. “A, uh … very long time. Many, many months.”

She starts to look around again. “Where is the air purifier?”

“It’s not here … it broke, a long time ago. I had to throw it away.”

“Do you still use that kind of thing on mom?”

“No, I don’t. Not often.”

But he has his new way to make sure you stay.

Nadia runs her hand through her hair. Her poor sister. What should she do? Dr Kry left the rooms unlocked, which means that she can move around. She drags herself into your bedroom. You look at her with wide, nervous eyes. 

“Is she okay?” you ask and take Nadia in your arms. 

“I-I don’t know”, Nadia responds shakily while shaking her head desperately. “She wasn’t waking up and …”

“She’s going to be okay. I know your father can all of those medical stuff … maybe a little too well.” You sigh and caress the seventeen-year old girl’s face. “It’s going to be okay.”

Nadia shakes her head. “No fucking way things are going to be okay! He’s a madman, mom.”

“I … I know.”

“We can’t stay here.”

“Where are we supposed to go, Nad? We have no car, nearest neighbor is a kilometer away and we have poison in our blood. Sweetheart, we can’t walk far.”

“Mom, we have to leave. We can’t stay here with this psychopath!”

“Nadia …”

Nadia sighs frustratedly and hides her face in her hands. Something has to work. The farthest she has seen you walk is out to the garden when they’ve had picnic evenings. You take her hand, removing it.

“Sweetheart … you know dad loves you, right?” you ask carefully. You don’t want her to hate her him, after all he is her father … but you have to let her know the truth, no more living in the shadow.

“Fucking doubt it”, Nadia mutters. 

“He does. In his … own little way. But I need you to understand that he has sides that he hasn’t shown you … a-and I don’t want you to see those sides.”

Nadia’s face goes blank. You’re trying your best not to get swindled back into old memories, but thinking about that murderous side of Dr Kry brings you back to a time you much rather would want to forget. 

“Mom?” Nadia asks blankly and almost shouts in panic. “Mom! What sides?”

“He … He is a very patient man, but he can't take as much as possible, so please, whatever you do … cooperate.”

“What does that mean? Mom?”

Nadia goes cold. That’s it, she thinks, they have to leave. 

“Mom, get up”, she says and grabs the blanket before ripping it off. “Now. Before he returns.”

“Nad-”

“We have to try, at least. Please.”

You hesitate before getting out of bed. Nadia grabs your hand and try to pull you out of the bedroom, but everything around you seem to spin. Your entire body is heavy and aching in all the wrong places. 

“Nadia, wait”, you groan. “If I’m going to move, I have to move slowly.”

“Alright”, Nadia agrees. “I’ll go get some stuff and then meet you by the stairs.”

Nadia runs to her room to collect her wallet and hoodies for herself and her sister, then runs to get your jacket. She meets you by the stairs, helps you put your jacker on and then start to lead you down. You’re terrified of falling. 

“Nadia, I don’t think that this is a good idea”, you mumble and think back of your numerous escape attempts, all ending with someone losing their life. 

“We have to, mom”, Nadia pleads. “I can’t leave you here.”

“What about Lydia?”

“I’ll figure something out afterwards.”

Nadia unlocks the front door and leads you out on the glass verandah. You’re filled with fear. What if you can’t walk? What if you hurt yourself? What if Dr Kry finds out? Your body won’t be able to take his anger. Besides, you have barely left the house in eighteen years — apart from a few car rides here and there — what if the world has changed to something you don’t like?

“Mom”, Nadia says slowly. “It’s going to be okay.”

“I’m terrified”, you admit. 

“We will be okay.”

They start to walk along the dark countryside road. There are no streetlight this far out in the forest, but the moon lights up enough for them to see where the road is heading. 

“It’s been years since I was outside last”, you say. “I think the last time I was out walking was in the garden, last summer when we had that picnic.”

“Have you ever tried to run away from dad before?” Nadia asks. 

“I have”, you answer quietly. “A few times.”

“Did you ever succeed?”

“That depends on what you mean by ‘succeeding’, because I’m still here, aren’t I? But I got away a few times … the only problem was that he found me again.” You sigh, realizing that perhaps you shouldn’t have this conversation with your underage daughter. “Forget that. Where are we going?”

“We need to go to our neighbors. They have to help us.”

Nadia has only spoken to the neighbors a few times, because of how rarely they run into each other. 

They only manage to walk a hundred meters before bright, beaming headlights light up in front of them. Nadia wants to flee into the forest — in case it happens to be her father behind the wheel — but can’t seem to pull you with her. The car stops and to Nadia’s horror, her father gets out. 

“What the Hell are you doing?!” he shouts, sounding both angry and terrified. “Y/N!”

You freeze in your spot and seem to crawl together like a hurt dog, sounding like one too. Dr Kry runs over to you. Nadia watches in horror and starts to panic, wondering what she should do. Stay here with you and get caught in Dr Kry’s claws … or make a run for it to try to get help. 

“I’m sorry”, you shriek in fear. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry-”

Dr Kry hugs your shaking body in his arms and strokes your back, hushing softly.

“I know you didn’t come up with this stupid idea”, he reassures you. “Don’t cry, my dear, I'm here now. I know this wasn't your fault. I'm not mad at you. I’ll get you back home and I'll take care of you. It’s going to be okay.”

He helps you into the front seat. You don’t fight back in the slightest. Nadia looks back at the dark forest and gulps. Her eyes glues onto something in the backseat and realizes that he has come back with her sister! 

“Nadia, get in, we've had enough of these childish outbursts”, her father tells her. “Get in. Now.”

“Is she okay?” Nadia almost stutters and points at her sleeping sister. 

“She’s okay. If you don’t get in now, Nadia, I’m taking them both with me and you’ll never see them again.”

His favoritism has never been clearer, Nadia thinks. She can’t leave her sister … so she gets into the backseat. Nadia wakes her sister up and caresses her cheek. 

“Are you okay?” she whispers quickly. “Did he hurt you?”

“I feel okay”, Lydia whispers back. “Just … tired. I had tro throw up a lot and I think that he gave me some sleeping pills or something. I insisted on going home … so he let me.”

Nadia breathes out. She glances over at the front seat. Their father holds the steering wheel with one hand and yours with the other. 

“Please don’t cry”, he wishes. 

Nadia watches on in disgust. 

When they get back to the white villah, Nadia pulls her sister up to her own room and lays her down on the bed while Dr Kry takes you into the master bedroom. 

“Here you go”, Nadia says and tucks her in. “Are you okay? Do you need anything?”

“Some water”, Lydia says quietly. 

Nadia disappears downstairs to get a glass of water. She meets her father in the stairs. 

“Nadia, I’m not sure your sister will be able to leave her bed for a while”, he says warningly. “I wouldn’t try to leave, if i were you. If you do, I will take both of them with me, and you’ll never see them again.”

“Do you like to hurt your family?” she spits back. “What kind of sadist are you?”

“One to make sure my family stays with me. If you don’t want to end up in the same physical state as your sister and mother, you’re going to continue living as if everything is normal, got that? Go to school, come home, study, continue everything. No talking to anyone about this. Is that clear?”

“So everything as normal … but without Lydia?”

“Exactly.”

“Why aren’t you healing her?”

“Because I’m not going to let you, or anyone, take my family from me. Be glad that I’m still letting you live normally.”

Nadia glares at him and continues up the stairs. She holds the glass to Lydia’s mouth, watching her sip. 

“What now?” she whispers. 

“I’m allowed to continue living like normally … and you don’t”, Nadia says quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“But … but I don’t want to live like mom!”

“I know. I’m sorry, Lyd.”

The girl in the bed sighs sadly. Naida takes her hand and gulps. 

The coming weeks seem normal. Nadia goes to school, studies, returns to the villah, but nothing is the same. Without Lydia, there’s no use in being on top. She has no one to impress anymore. Her father is dead to her, and sucking up to him makes her sick. She barely talks to her friends anymore. They’re always asking her about Lydia, and why she’s not in school anymore. Nadia can’t come up with countless excuses … it’s easier to distance herself. 

Life doesn’t seem that bright and colorful anymore. Nadia can’t bring herself to be excited about things that used to interest her badly. Now, every day is a chore, something she wants to get done, until something happens … but she doesn’t know what it is. A death in the family? Someone saving them? Someone killing someone? 

Nadia walks out of school, seeing her fathers white car parked outside the gates, and him inside … waiting for her. 

[shanastoryteller]

Merry bday! A continuation of Enola Holmes marrying the viscount of Basilweather would be really cool 😀

a continuation of 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

She wrinkles her nose when Tewksbury passes over her cup of tea with two sugars, unstirred, and she knows.

She puts down the cup too quickly, blood pounding in her ears, and Tewksbury frowns, reaching for her hand. "Enola?"

"Got to go," she says, pushing herself to standing, almost just leaves him sitting there, hand outstretched, but he's her husband and she loves him, so she darts over to smack a kiss on his lips before she's running for the door.

"Enola!" he calls out again, but now he sounds less worried and more exasperated, which is better, which is good. There's nothing for him to worry about.

She wants her mother, who's banned from London and is causing political unrest in Southern France currently, or Edith, who's doing something clever and illegal in Scotland. She'd take Victoria, but Mycroft will be there, and he's the last person she wants to see right now. Sherlock, while beloved, is useless, but his boy is a doctor.

She drops in at 221B Baker Street, picking the lock like always, and is relieved that Sherlock is still asleep and decides not to have any opinions on the various bones scattered about the kitchen table. She assumes there's a reasonable explanation for them.

"Oh, Enola!" John grins and shoves some femurs to the side to make space at the table. "Here, join me, would you like some oatmeal? Are you looking for your brother? I can wake him-"

"I'm pregnant," she blurts out, then bites her bottom lip.

John blinks once, then twice, then says with a gentleness that had made her like him in the first place - because Sherlock wanted to be gentle, but was quite bad at it, so someone had to teach him - "This is what you wanted, isn't it?"

Wanted seems like not the correct word, although of course it is, because she and Tewksbury had been, not trying, but not-not trying, which probably amounted to the same thing, considering how often they - well.

"I can fix it," he says, voice low and serious, "if it's something that needs to be fixed."

Enola lets out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. "No. No, it doesn't need to be fixed."

She loves that he offered. She loves John, more her brother than Mycroft will ever be, sometimes even more her brother than Sherlock is. If nothing else, her brothers had picked their partners well. Victoria and John are a delight.

John is the functional one between them, explosions and skeletons notwithstanding. John is the one that coaxed her brother into a proper relationship and John is the one that knew they were like parents to all the Irregulars and John isn't normal but he grew up normal.

"Are you worried something's wrong?" he asks. "I can look you over."

"No," she says, although, "I mean, yes, that'd be nice because Tewksbury will go spare, but no, I'm not worried anything's wrong."

He leans back in his chair, looking her over, and after almost ten years of dealing with her and Sherlock and even occasionally Mycroft he can read them almost as well as they can read everyone else.

"It's alright to be scared," he says finally. "Lots of women are when they find out, even when it's wanted, even when the baby's healthy."

"I'm not scared," she says, but for the first time her words feel like a lie. "I shouldn't be scared. What do I have to be scared of?"

She wishes her mother was here.

Will her children miss her like this too?

Sometimes she misses her mother even when she's right in front of her, and if nothing else, she's her mother's daughter.

John gets to his feet, stand in front of her, and opens his arms. She looks away even as she steps forward, like if she doesn't look at him when she does it then it doesn't count as weakness.

His arms close around her. He smells like chai and antiseptic and it's only years of association that make the combination comforting. "I can't wait to be an uncle."

He'll be an uncle. Sherlock will be an uncle. Even Mycroft, and Victoria will be delighted to be an aunt, and to raise her children with Enola's. Of course there's her mother-in-law, and Tewksbury's uncle, who have been angling for her to have a child from the day they married.

There's Tewksbury, who loves her, who isn't going to die on her or leave her if either of them have anything to say about it, who isn't going to leave her to raise their children the way her mother raised her.

Alone.

She's been saying she wasn't going to do this alone from the beginning, but standing here in Sherlock's kitchen, with John holding her steady, she really believes it.

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

Rain Confessions

Summary: A dance in the rain at Jackson's last day of the summer celebration leads to you and Joel finding out something surprising about the both of you after you sneaked off to have some alone time.

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem. reader

Rating: E

Wordcount: 3.5k

Warnings: falling in love, a whole lot of backstory nobody asked for, implied past SA, age gap (around 15-20 years), fluff, baby fever, smut (semi public sex, unprotected sex) accidental breeding kink (?), pregnancy surprise at the end

A/N: This is my entry for @undercoverpena April showers challenge! I had so many ideas for this challenge, but this is it (for now lol)

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If you had learned anything about the community of Jackson since arriving here almost two years ago, it was that the people would always find a reason to have a town celebration. 

It was foreign to you at first, celebrating the first summer harvest a week after you arrived. Seeing everyone in the middle of town, celebrating while music was played by some towns people on their instruments. Children playing with wide smiles, safe from all the horrors that laid behind the walls of this tiny town. So much food everyone wouldn’t have to cook for days. 

Dancing. 

Happy people. 

You had a full blown panic attack the first time you had attended a town celebration, overwhelmed from how… normal everything seemed now. Almost like it had been before the outbreak happened. 

You only had little memory of how it was before. You had just turned 20, moved to another state, far away from all of your family for a job you were excited for, but would never get to work in. 

You had been shot on outbreak day, waking up almost a month later in a make shift hospital in what would later become the Dallas QZ. You remembered being told how lucky you were that an officer had brought you in in all that chaos. There would be many times after you had healed and been released, that you asked yourself if you really had been that lucky. The question about why you survived, being a constant thought inside your head. 

Whatever had happened to you had fucked with your memory, leaving you with big gaps about your life before you woke up in the hospital. 

You had stayed in Dallas until the QZ fell, leaving with a group of what you thought back then were friends. You had worked with those people, those men, for many years at the QZ. They had never given any indication about not being decent people. You trusted them.

Trust that you clearly had misplaced. 

You would learn in the following years that they had only taken you with them so they had something to offer to whomever could help them survive. 

It would take years for you to finally escape from them, kill all of them, leaving you with nothing but the clothes on your body stumbling through the deserted lands of what you would learn was Wyoming until a group of people found you. 

You had asked them to kill you, tired of life. 

But they had taken you in. Maria saw something in you that day. 

You became a part of Jackson. Working in the greenhouse every day because as it turned out, you had a green thump.

Yet you were still keeping to yourself. 

The years of abuse you had endured, did not make it easy to trust new people. You only had little friends. Lauren, who worked with you at the greenhouse, and Tommy who made it close to impossible not to be friends with. Maria who became like a big sister to you. 

You weren’t looking to meet more people, let alone find something more than just friendship until Joel Miller stepped into your life. 

You had been pared with him on your monthly patrol, something every citizen of Jackson had been tasked at least once per month, not even knowing he had joined the community, or knowing that he was Tommy’s brother.

He was quiet, reserved, cold, but only to the people who were to scared to look past the facade he put on. 

It was like you could see right through him, the way he was masking the pain he carried with him all day. Maybe because you had been doing the same thing. 

The first patrol you went on together left you drenched to your bones, surprised by rainfall, making you sick for a whole week after with Joel being the only one who would check on you. 

Something you didn’t understand at that time, because you did not know the man. 

You still weren’t sure who made the first move of spending some more time together. It seemed to just… happen. Eating together at the Tipsy Bison after he came back from his job at Patrol. Him visiting you in the greenhouse when he found himself lonely, telling you about his complicated relationship with Ellie at the moment. 

You spending time at his place to teach Ellie how to bake, because she had been nagging you for weeks to do so. 

He never pushed, always listened to whatever you had to say, both of you opening up to each other about what you had went through before getting to Jackson. 

He had held you after you talked about the years you had been in captivity, vowing to never let anyone ever lay a hand on you. 

It was after the first baking lesson, Ellie long gone to bed, that you found yourself in Joel’s arms for the first time, his body on top of yours, his cock filling you slowly, while he whispered words of praise against your ear. 

Yet it would take another couple of months for the two of you to admit that you had feelings for one another, oblivious to what everyone around you saw with their eyes closed. 

There hadn’t been some grand gesture like in the movies. 

It had been a normal night where you felt a little restless and decided to walk towards the stables to wait for Joel to come back from patrol. The way his face lit up when he saw you as he rode through the gates, taking you by surprise even though your face was a mirror image of his. He had wrapped his arms around you and whispered how much he missed you before he kissed you softly, the world around you disappearing when he admitted to you that he’s been in love with you for a while now. 

You had moved into his house the week after.

And now you were in your shared bedroom, getting into clean clothes while Joel sat on the bed, looking at you with warm eyes. 

„We could just stay in? Have some time for ourselves while everyone is busy celebrating the last day of summer?“ He asked and you smiled softly, putting your pants on, while his eyes continued to undress you. 

„And do what?“ You asked. 

„I can think of a thing or two. I’d start with getting you out of this jeans again,“ he winked and you smiled shyly at the way he looked at you. 

You hope he would forever look at you like that. 

„You know your brother would come looking for us. We promised we would be there. And Ellie asked you to come too,“ you reminded him and he sighed. 

Things between him and Ellie were still hard, but she was slowly coming around. There would be a small art installation from the school at the town square and Ellie had drawn a couple of paintings she was excited to show off. 

Joel got up from the bed and walked over to you, his hands coming to rest on your hips. 

„You gonna let me dance with you?“ He asked and you sighed, pulling your arms up and crossing your hands behind his neck, looking up at him. He was smiling softly at you and you were pretty sure you would never be able to love another person like you loved Joel Miller.

„Always,“ you smiled before you got on your tiptoes to kiss him softly. 

You were watching Joel and Ellie from afar, both of them standing in front of a painting she did from a landscape across town square that was currently filled with people. Ellie had told you that it was the mountain view she had woken up to for an entire week while she was sick on the road, Joel taking care of her until she felt better to continue their travels on their way to find Tommy here in Jackson. 

Joel was visibly struggling to keep the tears at bay as you saw Ellie explain it to him before they hesitantly hugged each other. 

You were sitting under one of the tents that had been put up earlier today, the sky not looking like it would be dry outside much longer. Yet it was warm enough to only wear a T-shirt.

„You think they gonna be okay?“ Tommy asked, sitting down next to you, little Elijah in his arms. Maria had given birth not too long ago to a mini version of Tommy much to her delight. She waved at you from next to the grill, and you waved back before you reached your hand out to Elijah who took your finger with a squeal. 

„I think so. She’s beginning to understand why he did what he did. And he’s understanding why she’s so upset. They miss each other,“ you said and Tommy nodded. 

„I would have done the same if it was my kid,“ Tommy said and you nodded. 

„Yeah. Me too,“ you smiled at Elijah who now was trying to suck on your finger, making you chuckle. 

„Are your parents not feeding you enough, little man?“ You said with a grin. 

Without answering he proceeded to pull your finger in his mouth, making you giggle. 

„Maria just fed him twenty minutes ago. He’s just ravenous,“ Tommy rolled his eyes.

He turned his head when he heard Maria call for him. 

„Can you take him for a moment? My wife calls,“ he asked. With a smile you nodded, opening your arms for the little boy to be placed against your chest, kissing his forehead while he still sucked on your finger. 

„Aren’t you just the cutest little thing?“ You hummed with a small smile as he snuggled against you. When you looked up you found Joel’s eyes locked on you from across the little square and you felt your cheeks warming at the look he was giving you. 

In the past couple of weeks you had the recurring dream about having a baby on your own, a mini version of Joel. You dreamed of watching him with a tiny baby on his chest. You dreamed of your own little family. 

Elijah used this moment to nibble on your knuckles, making your eyes widen before you looked down at the little guy again. 

„You really are hungry huh?“ You laughed.

„He’s teething,“ Maria said, smiling down at you with a plate of food in her hands, Tommy following behind her.

„You gonna eat some spare rips next summer, huh?“ You teased, tickling the babies side, making him giggle. 

„He sure will be,“ Tommy said proudly, before he took Elijah back. 

Music started to play from the band that had formed earlier this year from the town and you could see Tommy smirk. 

„I think you had an admirer,“ he winked before you turned around and found Joel walking towards you. When he was close he held one hand out which you took. 

„You promised me a dance,“ he said and you couldn’t help but smile. 

„I did, didn’t I?“ You said before you let him guide you towards the middle of the square were people had already gathered to dance. 

The band was playing a song you did not recognise. It was a slow song for a change, Joel and you having danced to two songs before laughing loudly at the way you just could not manage to not stumble over your own feet. 

But now you were in his arms, your cheek against his chest as he slowly swayed you to the beat, his lips against the top of your head while he murmured the words to the song. 

You took a deep breath of his familiar earthy scent that always felt like coming home. 

It was then that you felt the first drops of rain. Feeling his arms tighten around you he cursed quietly as it began to rain, the sky opening up, drenching you within seconds, your clothes clinging to your body. 

The normal reaction would be to seek shelter from the rain, just like the people around you who quickly ran towards the tents that had been put up. 

But you looked up at Joel who was already looking at you, his hair clinging to his face, drops of water falling from his nose down on you.

The band was still playing, the song changing to a distinct version of Purple Rain, making the people who were now in the tents laugh, but you just smiled, letting Joel twirl you on the improvised dance floor before you came to rest against his chest again, both of you laughing. 

You danced for a couple more minutes, before he kissed you deeply, holding you close against him.

„Get a room!“ You heard Tommy yell and you smiled against Joel’s lips, before you took his hand and led him away from the town square.

He had you crowded against the wall outside of the greenhouse as soon as you rounded the building, his lips on yours, his hands rounding your face. 

The greenhouse was closer, your house being on the other side of town. 

It was still raining, the both of you under the small and apparently leaking roof that was above the outside work station, just out of view from the building. You could still hear the people down the street celebrating when he picked you up to sit you down on the work table, your legs parting so he could step between them. 

„We should get out of these clothes,“ you mumbled against his lips, your fingers working on opening his shirt, pushing it off his shoulders. He sucked your bottom lip between his. 

„We should,“ he agreed, before he pulled your shirt over your head, growling softly before his head lowered between your tits, pushing your bra down, sucking your nipple into his mouth. 

„Shit….“ You moaned, your hands pushing into his hair, your eyes dropping close. 

There was a tiny part of you, that knew it would be a better idea to get back home and out of these clothes, but you wanted Joel so badly, right now. 

„Love these perfect tits,“ he hummed, playfully biting into the soft skin above your left breast. 

„Joel please… Just….“ You pulled his head up so he was looking at you, your eyes wide and needy. 

„You want me to fuck you? Right here? Again?“ He asked and you nodded, memories of all the times he had you right here while the people were working inside, filling your mind, a shudder running down your spine. 

„Sure is gonna be fun to get you out of these drenched jeans,“ he joked and you chuckled before you jumped from the table.

It was a little struggle, the wet denim clinging to your legs like a second skin, but after a little bit of Joel’s help, you had them down to your ankles and Joel kissed you softly. 

„Turn around,“ he hummed and you did, your hands on the edge of the table while you heard Joel’s belt unbuckle, followed from an annoyed huff that let you turn your head over your shoulder to find him too struggling to get his jeans off, making you smile to yourself until you saw him free his cock, his pants just so pushed down to get it out. 

He looked at you with a bashful smile, before he took a step closer, his big hands moving over your ass. 

„Gotta make this quick so I can get you home and out of those clothes,“ he said, before he wrapped one hand around his cock and lined himself up. 

„This okay?“ He asked. He always did, every single time, needing to hear you consent after you told him about how you had been treated in the past. 

„Yes,“ you nodded and he winked at you before slowly sinking into you, inch after inch of his cock filling you, stretching you, until he was nestled deep inside of you, his hips flush against your ass. 

You turned your head back forward, letting it fall down, your eyes closing. 

„Baby…“ he sighed, letting his head fall against your back. He kissed your spine before he began to move, finding a slow rhythm that had you positively losing your mind. 

The rain was still falling hard, dripping down Joel’s back as he fucked into you.

„Need it harder,“ you whined, finding your back pushed against his chest the next moment, one of his hands across your chest, holding one of your tits as his thrusts got deeper. Faster. Harder. 

You brought your hands up, both holding Joel’s arm that was across your chest as he fucked into you. 

His lips found your neck, licking up the rain that was still dripping down your body and you whimpered. 

He took a couple of steps back, pulling you with him until you were back outside in the rain, the warm drops hitting your flushed skin. You leaned your head back against Joel’s shoulder, your eyes opening to find the sun coming out just when Joel’s other hand slipped down between your legs, his hands covering your pussy, his fingers parted to feel how his cock entered you before he moved it in slow circles, stimulating your clit. 

It was too much. 

The rain, his cock fucking you, his hands all over you, his mouth sucking softly at your neck, in the middle of the garden you were working in every single day. 

You came with a soft cry of his name, clenching around his cock, struggling to keep yourself on your feet as he continued to fuck into you. 

„Good girl,“ he hummed against your ear, his hand on your breast tightening, groping, and you gasped. 

„Wish you could cum inside me,“ you hummed and he cursed. 

„Wish I could….“ You stopped yourself, not wanting him to know your deepest secret. Not before you had an actual talk about it. 

„Wish you could what?“ He asked, his thrusts getting slower. He turned your head so you were looking at him and you were sucking your bottom lip in. 

„Wish I could have your baby,“ you whispered, whimpering when you felt him twitch inside of you immediately, his eyes darkening. 

„You want that?“ He asked and you nodded. 

„Fuck,“ he groaned, beginning to fuck you again, somehow ever harder than before, both of his hands now on your tits as he pumped into you. 

„You wanna have my baby?“ He asked. 

„Want me to fuck you so full of me, until it takes?“ He grunted and you moaned. 

„God yes. Yes please Joel. Fuck a baby into me,“ you whimpered and he groaned, his thrusts getting sloppier and you could feel him pulse inside of you before he pulled out, coming against your thigh, his head falling against your shoulder. 

You were both panting, trying to fill your lungs with air while the rain around you seemed to finally slow down. 

Suddenly nervous about what you said you were trying to form an excuse about it, when Joel spoke up. 

„You really meant that?“ He asked, his voice soft. 

Gulping you turned around in his arms, avoiding his eyes until he tilted your head up to him, so you had to look at him. 

„I don’t… I guess I do? I… At first I thought it was just the fantasy about it, but the longer I thought about it….“ You mumbled. 

„How long have you been thinking about it, sweetheart?“ He asked softly. 

„Since I moved in?“ You said and he huffed before he shook his head with a soft smile on his lips. 

„How about we get home and out of these wet clothes and talk about it?“ He asked.

Slowly you nodded and he kissed you, before he helped you get dressed, which was almost more complicated than getting out of the wet clothes before. 

The rain had almost completely stopped as you made your way towards your shared house, Joel holding your hand, stealing glances at you as you looked towards the ground. 

He would be lying if he said he hasn’t been thinking about it. 

And yeah, maybe it was reckless, he wasn’t the youngest anymore. This world was not the best place to bring new life into. 

And maybe it wouldn’t even work, having a baby.

But as he looked at you, with your shy smile on your lips, he knew he would give you everything you wanted to make you happy. 

Both of you not knowing that that one time almost two months ago when you were out for patrol together and he had fucked you against a tree, the second he had pulled out to late was enough to already have you pregnant. 

But you would found that out a month later. 

[mariacallous]

“Did they really decapitate babies?” my 14-year-old daughter asked me yesterday. She was pointing to a text message on her phone from a friend. “They’re saying they found Jewish babies killed, some burnt, some decapitated.” And I froze. Not because I didn’t know what to say—though in truth I didn’t know what to say—but because for a moment I forgot what century I was in. All of the assumptions I had made as a Jewish father, even one who had grown up, as I did, with the Holocaust just a few decades past, were suddenly no longer relevant. Had I adequately prepared her for the reality of Jewish death, what every shtetl child for centuries would have known intimately? Later in the day, she asked if, for safety’s sake, she should take off the necklace she loves that her grandparents had given her and that has her name written out in Hebrew script.

The attack by Hamas on Israeli civilians last Saturday broke something in me. I had always resisted victimhood. It felt abhorrent, self-pitying to me in a world that seemed far away from the Inquisition and Babi Yar—especially in the United States, where I live and where polls repeatedly tell me that Jews are more beloved than any other religious group. I wasn’t blind to anti-Semitism and the ways it had recently become deadlier, or to the existential dread that my family in Israel felt every time terrorists blew up a bus or café—it’s a story whose sorrows have punctuated my entire life. But I refused to embrace that ironically comforting mantra, “They will always want to kill us.” I hated what this tacitly expressed, that if they always want to kill us, then we owe them, the world, nothing. I deplore the occupation for both the misery it has inflicted on generations of Palestinians and the way it corrodes Israeli society; when settlers in the West Bank have been attacked, it has pained me, but I have also felt anger that they are even there. In short, I wasn’t locked into the worldview of my survivor grandparents and I felt superior for it.

But something in me did break. As I was driving on Tuesday, I heard a long interview on the BBC with Shir Golan, a 22-year-old woman who had survived the attack at the music festival where more than 250 people were killed, her voice sounding just like one of my young Israeli cousins. She described, barely able to catch her breath, how the shooting had started and how she’d begun to run. She’d found a wooded area and tried to hide. “I got really into the ground,” she said. “I put the bushes on me.” Covered with dirt and leaves, she’d waited. A group of terrorists had shown up and called for anyone hiding to come out. From her spot under the earth, she’d seen three young people, whom she called “children,” emerge. “I didn’t go out because I was scared. But there were three children next to me who got out. And then they shot them. One after one after one. And they fell down, and that I saw. I saw the children fall down. And all that I did was pray. I prayed to my god to save me.”

I pulled my car over because my own hands were shaking as I listened. She then described waiting, hidden in the dirt under bushes for hours, until she saw the terrorists begin to light the forest on fire. “I didn’t know what to do. Because if I’m staying there, I’m just burnt to death. But if I go out they are going to kill me.” She crawled over to where she saw dead bodies and lay on top of them, but the heat soon approached, so she found more bushes to hide in until she could run again. Burnt bodies were everywhere, and Shir looked for her friends but couldn’t find them, couldn’t even see the faces of those killed because they were so badly burned. “I felt like I was in hell.” She finally escaped in a car.

Her story flung me back to my grandparents’ stories. My grandmother hid in a hole for a year in the Polish countryside, also under dirt, also scared. My grandfather spent months in Majdanek, a death camp, and saw bodies pile up in exactly this way. Stories are still emerging of families burnt alive, of children forced to watch their parents killed before their eyes, of bodies desecrated. How was this taking place last Saturday?

But these stories aren’t what broke me. What did was the distance between what was happening in my head and what was happening outside of it. The people on “my side” are supposed to care about human suffering, whether it’s in the detention camps of Xinjiang or in Darfur. They are supposed to recognize the common humanity of people in need, that a child in distress is first a child in distress regardless of country or background. But I quickly saw that many of those on the left who I thought shared these values with me could see what had happened only through established categories of colonized and colonizer, evil Israeli and righteous Palestinian—templates made of concrete. The break was caused by this enormous disconnect. I was in a world of Jewish suffering that they couldn’t see because Jewish suffering simply didn’t fit anywhere for them.

The callousness was expressed in so many ways. There were those tweets that did not hide their disregard for Jewish life—“what did y’all think decolonization meant? vibes? papers? essays? Losers”—or the one that described the rampage as a “glorious thing to wake up to.” There was the statement by more than two dozen Harvard student groups asserting, in those first hours in which we saw children and women and old people massacred, that “the Israeli regime” was “entirely responsible for all unfolding violence.” And then there were the less explicit posts that nevertheless made clear through pseudo-intellectual word salads that Israel got what it deserved: “a near-century’s pulverized overtures toward ethnic realization, of groping for a medium of existential latitude—these things culminate in drastic actions in need of no apologia.” I hate to extrapolate from social media—it is a place that twists every utterance into a performance for others. But I also felt this callousness in the real world, in a Times Square celebratory protest promoted by the New York City chapter of the Democratic Socialists of America, at which one speaker talked of supporting Palestinians using “any means necessary” to retake the land “from the river to the sea,” as a number of placards declared. There were silences as well. Institutions that had rushed to condemn the murder of George Floyd or Russia for attacking Ukraine were apparently confounded. I watched my phone to see whether friends would write to find out if my family was okay—and a few did, with genuine and thoughtful concern, but many did not.

I’m still trying to understand this feeling of abandonment. Is my own naivete to blame? Did I tip too far over into the side of universalism and forget the particularistic concerns to which I should have been attuned—the precarious state of my own tribe? Even as I write this, I don’t really want to believe that that’s true. If I can fault myself clearly for something, though, it’s not recognizing that the same ideological hardening I’d seen on the right in the past few years, the blind allegiances and contorted narratives even when reality was staring people in the face, has also happened, to a greater degree than I’d imagined, on the left, among the people whom I think of as my own. They couldn’t recognize a moral abomination when it was staring them in the face. They were so set in their categories that they couldn’t make a distinction between the Palestinian people and a genocidal cult that claimed to speak in that people’s name. And they couldn’t acknowledge hundreds and hundreds of senseless deaths because the people who were killed were Israelis and therefore the enemy.

As the days go on, the horrific details of what happened—those babies—seem to be registering more fully, if not on the ideological left, then at least among sensible liberals. But somehow I can’t shake the feeling of aloneness. Does it take murdered babies for you to recognize our humanity? I find myself thinking—a thought that feels alien to my own mind but also like the truth. Perhaps this is the Jewish condition, bracketed off for many decades and finally pulling me in.

When news broke of the Kishinev pogrom in 1903 that took 49 lives (compare that with the 1,200 we now know were killed on Saturday), it caused a sensation throughout the world. “Babes were literally torn to pieces by the frenzied and bloodthirsty mob,” The New York Times reported. “The local police made no attempt to check the reign of terror. At sunset the streets were piled with corpses and wounded. Those who could make their escape fled in terror, and the city is now practically deserted of Jews.” In response to that massacre, the emigration of hundreds of thousands of Eastern European Jews to the United States began in earnest; the call of Zionism as a solution also sounded clearly and widely for the first time.

In his famous poem about the massacre, “In the City of Slaughter,” the Hebrew writer Haim Naḥman Bialik lamented, even more than the death, the sense of helplessness (“The open mouths of such wounds, that no mending / Shall ever mend, nor healing ever heal”), the men who watched in terror from their hiding places while women were raped and blood was spilled. I can’t say I know what will happen now that this helplessness has returned—if I’m honest, I also fear that Israel’s retaliation will go too far, that acting out of a place of victimhood, as right as it may feel, will cause the country to lose its mind. Innocent lives in Gaza have been and will be destroyed as a result, and competing victimhood is obviously not the way out of the conflict; it’s the reason that it is hopelessly stuck. But in this moment, before the destruction of Gaza grabs my attention and concern alongside fear for my relatives who have been called up to the army, I don’t want to forget how alone I felt as a Jew these past few days. I have a persistent, uncomfortable need now to have my people’s suffering be felt and seen. Otherwise, history is just an endless repetition. And that’s an additional tragedy that seems too much to bear.

[bubblebaththoughts]

Breeding

Aged up!Olo’eyktan!Neteyam x Fem!Na’vi!Reader

kinkmas masterlist

warnings: 18+ MDNI, p in v, breeding kink, making the bond :),

translations:

Tsakarem - Tsahik in training

Tsaheylu - the bond

After the war, The Sully’s thanked the Metkayina and returned home.

With the exception of Lo’ak, he stayed with the reef people to be with Tsireya.

Tarsem wanted to step down from Olo’eyktan, but Jake refused to take the role away from the younger man, so Tarsem placed the responsibility on Neteyam.

With Neytiri gone, Mo’at had to find the next Tsahik, you.

And so you became Tsakarem.

Neytiri always knew that she didn’t ever truly desire to be Tsahik, she always wanted to be a warrior, so she was secretly glad that you took over her role.

Nonetheless, The return of the Sully’s threw you for a loop.

Suddenly, your courtship with Tarsem had ended, and you were arranged to be mated with Neteyam. Which, you didn’t really mind, you just wanted to continue your duty to the clan, it didn’t matter to you who you mated with.

It felt so… domestic.

Watching you teach the kids of the clan different skills.

Weaving, sewing, carving, healing.

You seemed to know everything there was to know.

He knew that being you being Tsakarem, you needed to know all of those things and more.

He wanted them to be his children that you both would teach them everything you knew.

He would put twelve of them in you right now, if you asked.

“You have duties, Neteyam, focus.” His father interrupted his train of thought

“Yes. Sorry sir. What were you saying?” Neteyam looked back at him

Jake merely shook his head.

“You know, you watch her a lot.” Jake discreetly pointed at you

“She is to be my mate, of course I have to look at her.” Neteyam flushed

Jake laughed, again shaking his head, “No… the way you stare is, it’s something else.”

It was the absolute most pestering desire to put a baby in you.

“I don’t know… I don’t know much about her and… I’m curious.” He shrugged

Jake gave his son a knowing look, “What ever you say.”

It wasn’t like you were a stranger to him, you were friends before him and his family left, but now there’s a bit of a rift because of the sudden circumstances you’ve both been put in.

He caught you slipping out of Mo’at’s hut that night, a smile on his face as he realized you were alone.

“Oh! Neteyam! You scared me.” You sighed as he stepped our of the dark

“I’m sorry, syulang… didn’t mean to.” He circled you, like a predator that had cornered its prey

Eywa… what was he doing? He felt almost animalistic as he watched your chest rise and fall.

“You know… When it’s time, we’re gonna need to be really comfortable around each other.” Neteyam tilted his head down at you

“I’m comfortable with you Neteyam.” You replied, an indescribable look in your eye

Neteyam placed his hands on your hips, pulling you against him.

“I don’t know if you know…” He cleared his throat, trying to not notice how close you two were “But we’re supposed to… create the next leaders.”

You nod slightly “Of course.”

“That doesn’t bother you, right?” His hand gripped your hips roughly

“Of course not.” You answered

“You can always say no but, I want to start that process sooner, rather than later.” Neteyam watched your face for any doubt.

His voice is gentle as he speaks, but his words are heavy. He's telling you about his desire to have a baby with you, and he's trying desperately to convince you. You can tell he means it, but it's still a lot to take in.

You don't know what to say. Your heart is racing, and you're feeling overwhelmed. You want to tell him no, or that it was too soon, and on the other hand, you wanted to have a child with him and secure your spot in his life.

He looks into your eyes, and you can see the promise he's making. He'll be a good father and take care of you, you know he would.

You take a deep breath and slowly start to nod your head. You can feel your heart racing as you agree to what he's asking.

He takes your hands, pressing small kisses to them, feeling a sudden wave of warmth and comfort.

“Knew you’d do it.” He leaned in, kissing your neck

He leads you back to the hut that you two would soon share in the near future, laying you down on the soft, handmade mat that was adorned with different things given to Neteyam since he became Olo’eyktan.

“Neteyam…” You moan as he settled between your legs

“Hm? What is it?” He mumbled in between kisses you your neck and jaw

“Need- need to make Tsaheylu, to get pregnant.” You tell him

He pulls back with a smirk “I know.”

He pulls his kuru to dangle in front of you.

“You’re serious? Right now?” You can’t help but laugh

“Why not? Might be breaking a couple rules, but I want this… you want this. And why should we delay something that’s already predetermined?” He explained

“Right…” You nodded, reaching back to bring your own kuru to your front.

He brings his down to yours, you feel a tingling feeling as they seemed to have a pull on each other.

The tendrils danced around each other before joining together.

Your senses felt incredibly heightened, like you could suddenly feel every nerve in your body.

Neteyam leans down, kissing your lips with a fiery passion.

While he’s distracted you, he’s untying both you and his loincloths, discarding them across the hut. His broad shoulders and arms seem to completely cage you in.

Everything was him.

You were feeling him, tasting him, seeing him, smelling him, hearing him.

Him. Him. Him.

He’s gotten you naked now, a small pinch of insecurity is nagging at you but you brush it away as soon as he begins to mumble little praises under his breath.

He pulls away from you, leaning back on his knees in between your leg as he tried to guide the thick tip of his cock to your entrance.

He watches as it goes in, little by little. His jaw hangs open as a breathy groan emits from his throat.

“Fuck- So fucking tight.” His eyes shut for half a second

He looks back down to you as he was leaning in, his arms caging you in once again.

“Baby…” He moans, “Too much?”

You shake your head no.

“Squeezing me so much…” He growled “Here, play with that clit for me, relax baby.”

Tears brim your eyes, feeling overwhelmed by new feelings and new sensations all at once.

“Oh my poor baby.” Neteyam mumbled, his hand finding the back of your head and pulling you into his shoulder.

He gives you a second before he pulled your head back, and placed a kiss on your lips.

As he held you against himself, he began to thrust into you, small and slow thrusts, but just enough to get you whining.

“Play with your clit baby, don’t you dare stop.” He growled at you

You listen, desperately rubbing at your clit.

Neteyam uses his thumb to wipe the tears from your eyes, whispering to you how good you feel.

“Gonna stretch this tight ass pussy out…” He moaned “Gonna make this pussy remember me.”

“Neteyam…” You whine “I need it.”

“Shh, I know baby.” He comforted you, as he nestled his head in your neck and placed gentle kisses on it

His thrusts slowly sped up, making your whines louder.

“Yeah there it goes.” Neteyam chuckled “You can cum on it. Cum on it baby.”

You let out a particularly loud moan as you came on his cock. Your head turned to the side where you held onto his bicep for dear life, leaning forward and let your teeth sink into his sweaty skin.

He tasted like a sweet and salty mixture, something indescribable.

He yelped in pain, his head dropped down to your neck, breathing heavily as he continued to roughly thrust into you.

Once you released him, he pulled back from you, a smile on his lips as he saw your fucked out face.

“Oh look at you.” His hand came up to rest on your cheek, and he began to gently caress your cheek with his thumb.

“Feels so good!” You cry to him

“I know, fuck I know.” He groaned “Gonna cum baby, gonna fucking cum in you.”

You threw your head back at his words, too many feelings all at once that made you feel so intensely overwhelmed. As if they’d never stopped, your tears began to roll again. Your legs wrapped around his waist as a sob escaped your lips.

He put his forehead against yours and pushed your hair out of your face, his eyes full of sympathy.

“It’s alright.” He whispered “Just be a good girl..”

“It’s too much.” You cried

“I know, I’m about to cum, hang on for me.” He moaned “Gonna make you get pregnant… Gonna breed this tight little pussy until it takes.”

Your fingers dug into his shoulders, continuous moan falling from your lips as his thrusts speed up. He’s completely relentless, whispering praises into your ear.

“Oh, Oh my- fuck I’m cumming.” He growled “Cumming in this little pussy… Gonna give you all of my kids…”

He whispered dirty promises to you until you felt the warmth of his cum fill you. You cry out to him from the new sensation, holding onto him firmly.

Even after he’s done, he doesn’t pull out. Opting to instead roll the both of you on your sides and pulling you closer together.

“Gonna fill you up every day until it takes.” He tiredly whispered to you

“A threat or promise?” You jokingly tease him

“Take it as you will.” He shrugged

taglist: @danniackerman @loaksslut

[thelov3lybookworm]

Hiii!!!

I know that you have a lot of other fics to write but I couldn’t get this idea out of my head

So imagine the reader and Azriel have a daughter and she’s 3 and she has a crush on a boy in her daycare’s class, and when she got home with the reader, Azriel heard her talking about him to the reader, so the next day Azriel decides to pick her up from daycare and when he sees the boy, he’s just glaring at him

I don’t really know if this makes sense but overprotective Az is so🤭…

THANK YOUUU💗💗💗

Overprotective Bat

Summary: No one is allowed to talk to Azriel's Princess.

•○●⛦●○•

A/n: Anon, i love you soo much for sending this in. I loved writing it, i literally giggled when you sent this in lol

Enjoy!

•○🌑○•

"And then what happened?"

Azriel's shadows became alert, rushing to crowd against the windows to watch as their favourite two people walked upto the door. Azriel smiled, putting away the report he was revising before he had to send it to Rhysand, getting ready to be bombarded with all the details from his daughter's- Hazel's- day at the daycare.

"Kaden asked me to play with him." The smile that appeared on Azriel's face when he heard his little princess's voice faded when he realised what she had said, and he stiffened, his hand hovering above his desk. He turned his head just slightly, wondering who this he was.

"And did you play with him?" The jangling of the keys sounded as Y/n opened the door, and their voices were louder when they next spoke.

"Yes mommy! We played hide and seek first, and the he pushed me while I sat on the swing."

Y/n hummed as Azriel began descending the stairs faster than his wings could have carried him.

"So you like him?"

Y/n's tone was teasing, and Azriel could hear Hazel giggling, but he did not like this conversation one bit, and he felt the need to stop it from progressing.

So he walked out, a huge smile on his face that was at odds with the way he was feeling.

"Daddy!" Hazel's eyes lit up, and her smile widened as she ran towards him, her arms splayed wide. Some of the tension in the spymaster's shoulders lessened, and he picked her up, clutching her wiggling body to his chest. He tried to kiss her cheek, which only ended up in her giggling loudly while trying to push him away because she thought he was trying to tickle her.

Y/n met Azriel's eyes and smiled wide, walking over to peck his cheek.

"I'm going to go and get changed, don't do something to get in trouble."

He huffed indignantly, meeting his daughter's eyes. "As if I do anything to get in trouble."

She giggled, clinging to him. he swayed a little, pressing a kiss to her forehead before he set her down. "Come, let's get you changed too."

Hazel nodded, reaching up to wrap her fingers around his finger. Her small fingers wrapping around his big, scarred hands always had an overwhelming amount of pride and joy coursing through him.

"So, what happened in your daycare today?"

And so began the onslaught of details from his little princess's day.

•○🌑○•

Azriel did not like going to pick his daughter up from her daycare, but only because he did not want to scare the other people who had come to pick their kids up.

But now his motive was exactly that as he stood right next to the gates, his wings tucked tightly to his back so no one could touch them.

And he would say he was succeeding in his mission. It was like there was an invisible wall surrounding him, and everyone tried to stay away from him. He just hoped the boy's parent was also in the crowd, so when they found out exactly who Hazel's father was, they would tell him to stay away from her.

Proud of himself and very nearly patting himself on the back, he waited for his little girl.

The door to the daycare opened, and all the children spilled out, running, giggling and screaming, across the playground towards their parents.

Azriel spied a head of hair the same as his, two small braids adoring her little head, and grinned slightly.

Though his grin vanished when he found her holding the hand of a boy, smiling and walking up to the gates.

The moment her eyes landed on him, she gasped, tugging on the boys hand while pointing, and Azriel could read her lips as she yelled, that's my daddy!

She let go of the boy's hand and ran- waddled, really- up to her father, who could not contain his smile.

He leaned down, his arms reaching out to grab her the moment she was close enough. She squealed as he hauled her up against himself, peppering kisses on every inch of her chubby little face.

"Did my princess miss daddy today?"

"Yes daddy!" Then, as if she just remembered, she turned her head and beckoned to the boy she had been holding hands with. The boy's eyes were wide as he stared at Azroel's huge form, his massive wings, his shadows. Azriel flared his wings a little just for the sake of it.

If possible, the boy's eyes went wider, and his steps faltered, meeting Azriel's eyes.

And Azriel knew that he was being an asshole, but he glared at the boy with no restraint.

The boy's eyes filled with tears, and he turned away, sprinting back towards the daycare, his hands held to his eyes to staunch the tears.

Azriel instantly felt guilty, and when his daughter turned to him with furrowed brows, he wanted to run to the boy and apologise. But before he could do anything, a voice spoke up.

"I am glad you feel guilty."

Azriel froze, glancing back at his mate sheepishly.

She shook her head, taking Hazel from Azriel, kissing her cheeks before setting her down. "I knew you had ulterior motives when you asked me if you could pick Hazel up today. You need to stop being such an overprotective bat."

Azriel kissed Y/n's forehead in hopes that she would let him off easy, but she glared at him when he pulled away.

"Mommy? Is Kaden angry with me?"

"No darling, he maybe just got scared. You can talk to him tomorrow and let him know there is nothing to be scared of."

Azriel couldn't stop the scoff that escaped him, and Y/n turned to stare him down.

"Sorry." He mumbled lowly before grabbing Hazel's hand. "Do you want to have some ice cream before we go home?"

Y/n opened her mouth to protest, but Hazel and her father were already running away.

•○🌑○•

General Taglist: @bubybubsters @eos-princess @nightless @harrystylesfan2686 @cassie6392

Azriel Taglist: @darthdumbasss @foreverrandomwritings @kennedy-brooke @hnyclover @minnieoo @sidrapotter

[katiemccabeswife]

Selflessness (Leah Williamson x FosterMum!Reader)

You always put your kids first but can’t miss the return of Leah back to football.

Another 4.7k words 😮‍💨, also how gorgeous is Leah is that photo? PSA; I have not read through this as it it 1:30 in the morning so I am hoping grammaly as done it’s job 👍🏼

You had been seeing Leah for a few months now but you were still too nervous to tell her about your ‘part-time job’. Of course, she knew that you were a professional dance teacher but she didn’t know that you had a second ‘job'.

It was one that fell into your lap and you couldn’t turn it down. You had all the qualifications to look after children including medical certificates and you had always dreamed of being a mother. Being a lesbian meant that that would be harder than it was if you were straight and when you came across an article about the lack of foster parents in the London area, you decided to sign yourself up.

It took a long few months to get the remaining qualifications needed and go through the training programs but you always had your eye on the target and didn’t mind waiting a few more months if that meant that you were the safest hands a child could be in.

You had your first placement 2 years ago and ever since then your home has never been silent and your heart has always been full. Some children only stayed with you overnight, some stayed a few months, and some were more introverted than others but you always put 110% into making sure they felt comfortable when staying with you.

When you met Leah at the grocery store you were a mess. A particularly troubled child had been staying with you for about a fortnight and had just begun to open up to you when his mother came out of rehab. She had done the necessary lessons and paperwork whilst in the facility and so as soon as she was released, Theo had to move back in with his mother. He had confided in you that he was concerned about moving back in with her and that he was scared she would disappear again but there was nothing you could legally do to calm his anxiety.

The night at the grocery store was the night he went back to his mother’s and you were worried sick about the 7-year-old boy who cried in your arms. You knew you didn't look your best but you needed to restock your pantry after having a farewell feast for Theo.

You were dressed in pyjama pants and a hoodie with sleeves covered in tears and snot. Your hair was thrown into a haphazard ponytail and your eyes were red from both crying and rubbing.

You stood staring at the empty spot where the Oreos normally sit and a fresh set of tears began to roll down your cheeks. You never would have cried over something as trivial as not being able to buy a snack but your emotions were all over the place and you really wanted your comfort food.

You had fallen into a squat with your hands over your eyes, trying to hide the tears when a hand fell on your back, "Are you alright?"

You looked up to see a beautiful blond looking down at you concerned, you pointed pathetically to the empty spot and quickly realised how pathetic it was and quickly stood up, "I am so sorry," You laughed at yourself and wiped away your tears, "I am a mess right now and I really wanted some Oreos and they're out and," You tried to laugh it off again but it sounded more like a cry.

The tall blue-eyed woman reached into her basket and held out a pack of Oreos to you, "You can have mine if you'd like?" She offered kindly.

You rested your hand over your heart and looked at her like she was a miracle worker, "No, I couldn't you had them first. You keep them, I'll be fine I'm just- this is humiliating," You laughed at yourself and took a deep breath, "I am perfectly fine and you can keep the Oreos but thank you for the offer," You smiled appreciatively.

The woman was still looking at you concerningly, "Trust me it's, I shouldn't really be eating them anyways," She spoke as if it were secret and you naturally assumed she was watching her weight or something and when you noticed how fit she was you looked at her in awe.

"You are so perfect," You nodded at her and she looked even more confused, "You keep those Oreos and you eat all of them," You ordered.

The blonde laughed and seemingly caught on, "No, no, I really shouldn't I'm an athlete so I really should not eat the Oreos. Trust me you have them." She thrust them into your basket, "Seriously, take them," She used her 'captain voice' and you felt like you had no other choice.

Overcome with gratitude you thanked her sheepishly, "Thank you for being so kind. Again, I'm so sorry for being such a mess," You gestured to your hair and outfit and missed the way she looked at you as if you were dressed to the nines.

"And if I'm giving you the Oreos I think it's only fair you give me your number..." She trailed off trying to test the waters.

You examined her face to see if she was being serious, "Umm, yeah? I guess sure." You nodded and tried to convince yourself that this was actually happening.

You grabbed her phone which she presented to you and added your number and name; y/n <3. She took it back and smirked at you, "I will be sure to ask you how the Oreos taste, y/n," She teased.

You gained a bit of confidence to flirt back, "I'll be sure to respond..." You waited for her to tell you her name.

"Leah," She caught on.

"I'll be sure to tell you how delicious these Oreos are, Leah," You don't know where the confidence surged from but you winked at her before moving past her to continue your shopping.

From there on, you and Leah messaged back and forth and she joked about your emotional state at the grocery store and teased her about her attraction to you when you looked like rubbish. Now 4 months later and a shocking surprise later (finding out that Leah was in fact a world-known football star) you were trying to find the words to tell her that you wouldn't be able to attend her returning game from her ACL injury.

You had taken in two little girls a week ago, Vienna was 5 and her little sister Lilah was 2. The girls were supposed to have a visit with their father at the time of the game but their caseworker went to inspect the house and found him surrounded by bottles of alcohol therefore she had to cancel the visit.

The only other option was to bring the girls to the game and you were sure Vienna would love the atmosphere but you weren't sure how Lilah would deal. That and the fact that you would have to tell Leah the fact that you were a foster parent, not that you're embarrassed of your job but you were very aware of the fact that many people couldn't handle the inflexibility and last-minute change in plans that came with either being with or being a foster parent and you didn't want to lose what you had with Leah.

You were bought out of your thoughts by a tugging on your pant leg. Lilah was looking at you curiously, she could only speak limited words and since being in your care she limited the number of words she shared with you even further. You picked her up and put her on your hip, "Would like to go see a football game?" You asked, not expecting a response.

You were met with clapping from the toddler and a smile on her face and took that for a yes. You wandered over to where Vienna was doing Just Dance on the TV and put Lilah down to join her sister. You cheered both the girls on and laughed at Vienna's confidence in her dance moves, she had been quite the opposite of her sister and seemed to flourish in your care. The girl's social worker said that she was extremely introverted and had barely ever spoken to her but after only a day being in your hands she thrived and it seemed she almost never stopped talking.

Once the dance was finished you applauded the girls to which Vienna bowed and Lilah copied her sister, "That was fantastic! Where did you learn to dance like that?" You congratulated them and bent to a squat to be more their height.

Vienna blushed and swung her arms sheepishly, "My momma," She responded and your heart warmed, the girls had been in an accident while their mother was driving and she hadn't made it out of the car. Their father hadn't taken the news well and turned to drinking which landed the girls in your care.

"Well, I think she would be so proud of how well you dance," You complimented to which she beamed and Lilah clapped her hands, "Hey, would you like to go to a real-life football game?" You offered with your hands out.

Vienna ran over to you, slapped your hands and screamed, "YES!" She then took off running around the living room pretending to play with an imaginary ball.

"Wow! Well, we will have to get ready won't we?" You gave the girls a chance to make their own choice, "Would you like me to pick you out an outfit or would you like to pick your own out?"

Vienna seemed to think for a moment before deciding that she was going to dress herself. You encouraged her decisions and helped her get dressed before helping Lilah into her own clothes, "You girls look beautiful! I think you picked a better outfit than I ever could," You commended, "Right, I need to make a phone call and get dressed, how about your guys go and do 1 more dance and then we'll hop in the car and go, is that ok?"

Lilah clapped once again but spoke up for the first time that day, "YES!"

Your jaw dropped in shock before you clapped for the girl, "Yes!" You cheered, "Alright, I will be 4 minutes, off you go," You smiled as they ran to the living room holding hands.

You walked into your room, picked out your own outfit and rung up Leah. Once the phone was ringing you bit your thumbnail as you waited, anxious for the coming conversation.

Leah's cheerful voice came through the speaker and you found your anxiety slipping away, "Hey, y/n/n what's up?" You could hear the girls in the background and assumed that they were already in the changerooms.

"Hey Lee, umm would I be able to get 2 extra tickets to the game? I have umm a couple friends who came over unexpectedly and I can't leave them here alone and I really want to come to your game but I completely understand if it's too late but if it is, I am so sorry but I won't be able to come but I will be cheering you from here and-"

Your rambling was cut off by Leah laughing, "Of course, y/n/n I'll get it sorted. Don't worry about it," You let out a breath of relief.

"Thank god, thank you so much Leah. I will make sure to be cheering you on extra loud, and I'm sure my sidekicks will be as well," You laughed.

"Will I get to meet your sidekicks?" She teased, "It's only fair if I'm getting them free seats," She egged on.

You laughed nervously, "Umm, I'm sure they would be delighted to meet you," You noticed Lilah walking into your room, "Hey, I've gotta go, I wanna beat the traffic but I'll see you there, yeah?"

"Of course, see you soon," You bid farewell and hung up the phone, turning your attention to the little girl.

"You ready to go!" You picked Lilah up when she nodded and headed to get your things together, making sure you had enough snacks and water for the girls before herding them out the door and into your car.

The trip was spent singing various songs including Adele and Taylor Swift and the girls were buzzing by the time you reached the Emirates. Vienna forced you to skip in but you had to ask her to hold your hand, not wanting her to get lost. You made your way into the family and friends section. You were glad that Leah's mum couldn't make it to this game as you weren't overly eager to explain your situation to Leah, let alone her mum.

You had spent the time before the match running around with girls, trying to wear them out enough so they wouldn't feel the need to during the game. Once the players had started to line up in the tunnel you were just coming out of the bathroom with the girls, grateful for perfect timing and quickly made your way to your seats. Leah was only slightly worried when she didn't see you in the stands when she headed out to the bench.

You ended up having a spare chair due to Lilah wanting to be in your hold. You stood up when the teams started to walk out holding Lilah in one arm and having your other arm occupied by Vienna clinging on whilst standing on her seat. Even though Leah wasn't in the starting lineup, she was going to come on in the second half but you cheered on the girls you knew were close to her and Vienna was more than happy to help, Lilah sat in your arms confused but unbothered.

When the half-time whistle went you quickly got to your feet and walked briskly to the bathroom after Vienna told you she needed to use the toilet. After cleaning up you took the girls over to an open area and continued to let them run around and made sure Vienna knew that she would have to be stationary for another 45 minutes.

Leah's concern grew when she still couldn't find you in the crowd during half time and she became slightly pissed off that you'd told her you were coming, to get an extra 2 seats, and you weren't even there. Then she grew sad that you couldn't bother showing up to her first game in almost a year.

You had just settled Vienna again when the whistle blew for the commencement of that match and you cheered on the girls once again as the ball got kicked into play. Leah had gone over the rules of football with you a few times but you were still confused over the tackling and offside rules so you just cheered and booed when the Arsenal fans did.

However, when you saw Leah stepping up to the sideline and her number coming up on the substitution board in green, you stood up on your own and screamed as loud as you could causing a ripple effect throughout the stadium. Leah didn't turn around when she heard someone that sounded an awful lot like you cheer because she was in her head about you not being here and her being about to play the sport she loved for the first time in almost a year.

Every time Leah had the ball or made a successful tackle you and Vienna were on your feet cheering and even Lilah managed to expel something resembling a cheer, the poor girl being on the verge of sleep. Leah felt truly alive for the first time in 9 months, of course, she was alive throughout the course of the rehab but felt like she was only living so she could make it to this moment and now that she was in the moment she felt like she could run forever.

Once the game ended Leah had racked up 25 minutes of playing time, an assist and Arsenal won another 3 points for the ladder. She was elated and could feel the fans felt the same way throughout the stadium, especially through her teammates who were glad to have their teammate back on the pitch.

She took one last chance and looked over to the family and friends section to scan for your face and her elation only grew when she spotted it in the crowd. Her elation turned to confusion though when she caught sight of the toddler on your hip and the child you were dancing with. She was not aware you had any children nor any nieces and she was pretty sure she would recognise any of her teammate's kids or relatives and these children's faces were not ones she had seen before.

She started the trek over to you and once you caught sight of her you had to slightly shake your head and gesture to the tunnel. You weren't allowed to let the girls' faces be on camera and you didn't want anyone to witness the conversation you were about to endure with Leah.

You were trying to convince a security guard that you were meeting Leah in the tunnel but he was not having a bar of it, "Please sir, she'll be waiting for me. I'm already in trouble, just let me through!" You were growing frustrated and the girls were picking up on it. Vienna was tugging your hand as she wanted to go run on the pitch and Lilah was getting fussy as she was starting to get over tired.

You didn't see Leah walk in but she had spotted you a minute ago and had to take in what she was seeing for a minute. She had known you for 4 months and you had never mentioned any children in your life but it did make sense that you had kids, sometimes you would have to cancel dates very last minute but you always made sure to set another one up shortly after and apologised profusely.

"Hey, it's alright. She's with me," Leah made herself known and the guard backed off cautiously. Her attention was on your face and could see how you instantly relaxed but she could also see the toddler clinging to your shirt.

Vienna tugged on your shirt and gestured you to get down to your height and as much of a concern the conversation you had to have with Leah was, your kids came first so you bent down and waited for Vienna to speak her mind, "Was that one of the girls on the pitch?" She asked excitedly.

You stroked her arm and nodded with matching enthusiasm, "Yeah she was, she even helped them score a goal!" Vienna seemed pleased with your answer and made her way over to Leah.

You held your breath but let her do her thing. Leah looked to you when she gestured for Leah to bend down, just as you had a minute ago, and you nodded in permission, "Hello lovely, what's your name?" Leah asked.

"My name's Vienna, y/n/n is my step-in mummy!" Your heart warmed at the girl's claim, "I saw you play out on the big pitch!" She reached around to Leah's back and patted it gently, "You did a very good job, y/n/n and I cheered soo loud when you went on, even Lilah cheered!" She exclaimed pointing back towards you and her sister.

"Thank you, darling, I'm actually pretty sure I heard you cheering for me, you were very loud!" Leah complimented to which Vienna giggled.

"Hey V, why don't you take this and sit over there for a minute, I wanna talk to Leah. Is that ok?" You offered her a colouring book and some textas.

"Ok!" She took both and skipped over to where a table and chair were randomly set up.

"Hey..." You rocked slightly as Lilah had fallen asleep.

"Hi," Leah said with a tone of confusion.

"Umm so- yeah," Your free hand came out as if you were about to explain and then it dropped back to your side when you couldn't find the words.

Leah raised her eyebrows before looking between the girls and you.

"I foster kids in my spare time," You tried to joke but then heard how it sounded out loud and immediately began to backtrack, "Not in my spare time, that was stupid, I don't have spare time anymore. I foster kids! All the time, except when I'm not then I'm either working or with you but sometimes I do all three! And I didn't tell you; not because I'm embarrassed of my job but because I am so aware of the fact that many people can't handle the inflexibility and last-minute change in plans that comes with either being with or being a foster parent and I always feel so bad when I have to cancel plans but them I'm like there is a literal child who needs somewhere to stay and someone to take care of them and it makes me feel better but then I'm like, Leah! I didn't want to lose you because I know you're gonna have a busy schedule now that your back playing and I didn't want you to feel bad about calling this off because of what I do and-" You were running out of breath and were on the verge of tears when Leah bought you into a hug, keeping clear of the child perched on your hip.

Once you caught your breath and the hug broke off Leah grabbed your face between her hands, "You are a bloody amazing woman." She stated and you blushed, "I can not believe how selfless you are, you are doing something so incredible for these kids and you still take into account how I would feel? Of course, I wouldn't call this off because you chose to take in kids who need somewhere to stay! If anything it makes me love you more!" She didn't even register what she was saying until she said it. That didn't mean she regretted it.

She crashed her lips into yours and you reciprocated but broke free quickly, aware of the child in your arms and the other one not even 4 meters away from you. You were still slightly teary, her beautiful confession not helping, "I love you too," You laughed but quickly quietened when Lilah stirred in your arms, "Umm, would you like to come back to mine? I'll have to put these two down but it should only take 10 minutes,"

Leah was quick to agree and ran to get her kit from the changing room and had a fast shower. She sent off a quick message to the Arsenal girls excusing herself from post-match celebrations. She met you next to your car and noticed that you only had one kid running circles around you, "Lils was fast asleep so I've just put her in her seat, ready to go?" You asked Leah who nodded.

"Is Leah coming over to our house?" Vienna asked when you were clipping her into her car seat.

You glanced at Leah sitting in the passenger seat before nodding to Vienna, "Yeah, is that alright with you?" You were worried that she wouldn't be ok having someone else in the house with you and knew that if that was the case, you would have to once again reschedule to meet up with her.

"As long as she tells me a bedtime story!" Vienna giggled.

"I'm sure if you asked really nicely, she would be more than happy too!" She was content with your answer and broke out in humming a random tune. You laughed at her and went to the driver's side to take your girls home.

The drive home was fairly quiet as Lilah was asleep but Vienna kept humming her tune and you and Leah couldn't help but laugh when she got really passionate about her song.

"McDonald's for dinner?" You asked Leah who nodded her head. You turned your head slightly to catch the gaze of Vienna, "Hey V, do you want to get McDonald's for dinner?"

"Um yes please!" She spoke as if it were obvious, "Can I get a nugget happy meal?"

You nodded, "Umm of course?" You responded in the same tone she had before.

After teasing Leah about her bland food choices, Vienna talking Leah's ear off about nothing in particular in between eating her happy meal and Lilah having a bottle and being put to sleep, it was finally Vienna's time to go to sleep.

"Alrighty, teeth are brushed and jammies are on, what's next V?" You asked and she seemed to remember your conversation in the car and ran over to Leah who watched the scene in awe.

"Excuse me, Leah?" She patted her knee to get her attention, "Would you please tell me a bedtime story?"

Leah gasped, "I would love to have the honour!" She spoke proudly.

Vienna dragged her to her bedroom and quickly got under her sheets, "Could you please tell me a football story?" She asked politely.

"Those are my favourite stories, would you like to hear about when my team won a competition against all of the other countries in Europe?" Vienna nodded dutifully.

"Isn't there like a billion countries in Europe?" She was 5, give her a break.

Leah nodded, "Almost," She went off to tell her a shortened version of the Eruos in 2022 and Vienna was enraptured by the story but was slowly falling asleep.

"You must be really good if you beat a billion other countries, I like you, you're my favourite footballer," Vienna decided and patted Leah's hand that was resting on her leg. You watched the scene from the side with hearts in your eyes.

Once the story was over Leah bid Vienna goodnight and got up off the bed so you could say your goodnights. You made sure to tuck her in extra tight and checked under her bed for monsters and after concluding that there were none Vienna was ready to go to sleep, "Goodnight, munchkin, sweet dreams," You kissed her lightly on the forehead.

She returned the favour by kissing your nose and pulled in for another secret, "I really like Leah, she's pretty," She giggled.

You smiled at the small child and nodded, "I know," You laughed with your foster daughter and wished her goodnight once again flipping off the lights and turning on the night light, "Night night V," You waved.

"Night night y/n/n," She dozed off.

You left the door open slightly and jumped when you saw Leah waiting on the opposite side of the door, "Jesus, Lee," You pulled her into your bedroom not wanting to wake either girl, "Listen, I truly am sorry about not telling you about all this. I was just scared and didn't want to lose you is all,"

Leah took you in her arms, "I understand, love. Don't worry about it," She gave you a kiss on the side of your head and pulled away, "I loved watching you interact with them, you're so good at it. And you look beautiful while doing it," She flirted and pecked your lips.

You moved your arms to wrap around her neck, "I love watching you interact with them, didn't know you had it in you, Captain Grumpy Pants," You teased as Leah was known for her stern facial expressions.

Leah looked unimpressed, "Well at least V, thinks I'm pretty," She spoke triumphantly.

You pecked her lips, "I happen to think you are very pretty," You kissed her again but let it go even further and when you had to break apart for air, "Gorgeous really," You teased.

"Stop trying to one-up a child," She chastised sarcastically.

You smirked, "You might just have to shut me up, then," You flirted but it didn't end up going much further as the two of you ended up fast asleep within minutes exhausted from playing football, cheering and taking care of two children.

[adverbally]

Just Try to See in the Dark

Written for the @steddieangstyaugust prompt “Childhood” | wc: 1,263 | rated: T | cw: references to physical (nonsexual) child abuse and neglect, including description of injuries inflicted by a parent | tags: teacher steve, steve and eddie’s shitbag dads, hurt/comfort, shoutout to all the awesome teachers out there | title from “Close to Me” by The Cure

And with this, I’m officially caught up, just in time for the halfway point of the month! I appreciate everyone who has read and interacted with my work so far. I haven’t written this much in years and it’s all because of contributions from viewers like you. Thank you 💕

———

When Steve gets home from work, almost an hour later than usual, he goes straight into their bathroom and shuts the door.

Eddie watches him go. It’s not unusual after a long day. Sometimes Steve just wants to take a hot shower and start his evening fresh. But after half an hour, the water hasn’t turned on and Eddie is starting to worry.

He hovers outside the bathroom door for several minutes, unsure if he should check on Steve. It doesn’t sound like he’s moving around, which makes a dark corner of Eddie’s mind worry that he’s hurt. What if he fell? What if he wasn’t feeling well and something is really wrong?

It’s that terrifying prospect that finally forces Eddie to rap on the door. “Stevie?”

“Come in,” comes the muffled response.

Eddie opens the door carefully so he doesn’t accidentally hit Steve, but Steve is sitting fully-clothed in the empty bathtub on the other side of the room. “Hi, sweetheart,” Eddie greets him as he comes to sit on the closed toilet lid.

Steve has his knees tucked up to his chin, arms wrapped around his shins. He turns his head sideways so he can speak more clearly. “I had to call Child Services.”

Jesus. Steve loves his class of second graders like they’re his own children. To have to report some kind of abuse to one of them… no wonder Steve went straight to the peace and quiet of the bathtub. “Oh, baby. I’m so sorry.”

His eyes are dry, but Steve still rubs at his nose with the back of his wrist. “Yeah. Samantha. She had…” He gestures vaguely at his neck. “She usually has bruises somewhere, you know, she’s seven. But today she had actual fingerprints...”

Eddie drops to his knees on the rug next to the tub and gets his arms around Steve right as he starts to shake.

“And when I asked her about it, she just said, ‘He didn’t mean to!’ Like you can accidentally choke your own kid hard enough to leave marks like that.” Steve sniffs. “But he’s her dad and she loves him.”

With that, he buries his face in his knees and lets Eddie hold him.

Steve has always struggled with this part of being a teacher, even while he was working on his degree. Eddie can still see it so clearly, Steve pacing around the tiny dining table in their first apartment, ranting about mandatory reporting.

“You know what would’ve happened to me if a teacher said anything? My dad would’ve made us all smile and pretend everything was fine, and he would’ve beat the shit out of me as soon as the investigator left!” Steve had slammed his fist on the countertop as he passed.

“But we’re supposed to report immediately once we have reason to suspect abuse. Don’t take the time to make sure the kid is safe, don’t look at the broader pattern of incidents, just…” He had run out of breath there and couldn’t catch it for several minutes once he started crying, not out of sadness or worry but frustration.

It’s not frustration that drives Steve to tears now. It’s grief and fear for Samantha, for a younger version of himself, for the consequences of what the law requires of him.

“You’ve been looking out for her for a long time,” Eddie murmurs, chin hooked over Steve’s shoulder. The edge of the tub is digging into his side but he’ll be damned if he lets go of Steve right now. “This just confirms that your instincts were right. And hopefully now she’s gonna get help.”

“I’m scared that I just put her in a worse situation,” Steve admits, raising his head enough to wipe his cheeks with the sleeve of his sweater. “She shouldn’t have to deal with all this, she’s just a kid.”

Eddie vaguely remembers something about Sammy’s mom not being in the picture. “She can’t stay with an abusive parent just because she loves him. That’s why children don’t get to make the decisions here.”

Steve shakes his head. “But when she’s stuck in a foster home because of me—”

“Nuh-uh-uh, don’t even go there.” He ducks his head to look Steve in the eye. “She’s gonna be safe because of you. She’s gonna go home from school and not have to worry about her dad hurting her anymore. That’s huge.” He knows they can both understand that.

“I wish there was something else I could do,” Steve sighs.

“Just keep being the best second grade teacher in the state. Keep paying attention and listening to the kids. That’s what they need from you.”

Steve tilts his head to rest against Eddie’s shoulder. “It doesn’t feel like enough.”

“It’s more than you think.” Eddie kisses his temple, runs his fingers through Steve’s hair. “I had a teacher in fifth grade, Ms. Martin. It was, like, the year after my mom died, and I wasn’t coping at all. My dad was barely around to drop off some food for me once in a while. I was a nightmare student. Stole from the other kids, slept during lessons, started fights at recess.”

“It’s hard to care about school with stuff like that going on at home,” Steve says. Even now, he’s defending Eddie against shit that happened twenty years ago.

“Luckily for me, Ms. Martin understood that, too. She knew I was smart and I liked to draw, so she would assign me little projects. Stuff like illustrating a scene from the book we were reading or drawing a diagram of the parts of a plant or whatever. She let me work in her classroom at lunch and after school. Every day, she brought me a sandwich and a snack so I didn’t have to sneak food out of someone else’s lunchbox.”

Steve sits up to look at him with the most heartbroken expression. “Ed, that’s— she sounds incredible.”

“Yeah. She might not have fixed things for me outside of the classroom, but she made being at school a thousand times more bearable. Just by giving a shit.” He grins up at Steve. “Like you.”

“You know you do that kind of stuff, too, right? Like when you donated all those old dice sets for D&D Club, and when you helped me make Valentines for the whole class so nobody would feel left out. And when you delivered the pizzas for the Halloween party. And—“

Eddie hangs his head in an imitation of bashfulness. “I’m just your humble sidekick. All of that was your idea.”

“Then thank you for helping me make school more bearable for my kids.” Steve takes Eddie’s face between his big, gentle hands and kisses his forehead before angling his head back so their lips align.

“It’s my pleasure.” Eddie pushes himself to his feet with a groan as his knees creak. “Fuck, I’m getting to old to sit on the floor.”

Steve holds both hands out to Eddie, arms fully outstretched as if asking him to pull him upright. When Eddie doesn’t move, he whines, “C’mon, my ass is asleep. At least you were on the cushy rug!”

With a put-upon sigh, Eddie heaves Steve to his feet. “Shower first or food? I made meatballs.”

“Meatballs!” Steve throws his arms around Eddie’s neck, mostly for balance as he steps out of the bathtub. “You really do love me,” he fawns, batting his lashes for effect.

“You’re okay, I guess.” Before Steve can object, Eddie darts in for a quick kiss and darts off. “Wash up, dinner’s in five!”

[rue-dixon]

Is Chilchuck's wife blonde? Analysis:

I've noticed a lot of the fandom doubts what Chilchuck's wife looks like and still thinks she's a blonde woman. Which is understandable, since it seems to be something Kui really likes to point out. But my theory is it's intentional, and more important than we think.

As I said, be clearly has a type for blonde woman. And Kui makes a point of this by continuing point it out in the World Guide side book. But why? It hardly seems relevant, after all it's only mentioned once in the manga during chapter 58.

Many fans assumed the first woman that succubus took the form of was his wife. Which is understandable. But that gets quickly thrown out the window when the next serval succubus that attack him all look completely different. But according to Marcille, they're all blonde. And she even asks if that was because of his wife. Which is why many people probably think she's blonde.

But Chilchuck gets upset when she asks. Now at first you assume it's just Chilchuck being embarrassed as always. But at this point he's talked about his family multiple times calmly. Especially after having such a serious talk about his wife just a few chapters earlier, why would he react so strongly again now?

Now let's put that aside for a second. Why does the fandom believe the woman with short black hair is his wife? Well simply because she shares multiple features with his daughters, who we actually do see and confirmed to be his daughters.

His oldest, Meijack, shares her more unique eye shape. And his middle, Flertom, her hair. They even have the same small piece of stray hair on the top of their heads. So it's highly unlikely this is a coincidence.

And according to this official colored sketch, neither of his children are blonde. So it's safe to assume his wife is in fact, not blonde. So then why is it talked about so much?

Well actually I think his "fetish" to say, along with the succubus is what drove his wife to leave him.

So before they encounter the succubus, Chilchuck freaks out when he realizes what attacks them. Which isn't out of character for him, but he's very specific with what he said. It's clear he really, REALLY doesn't like the succubus. Even Marcille comments about how it seems he's seen one before.

Now we do know due to a side comic that a party tried to feed him to a succubi group. Which could explain why he's so scared, but he never actually sees any of them. He runs away before they even find them. (I'd provide evidence but I've reached my limit on photos and I don't feel like making multiple posts lol.)

So why does he know so much about how they work then?

Here's my theory:

He actually DID run into a group of succubus a long time ago with another party. The same party that actually knew and ended up meeting his wife. Blonde woman like we saw attacked him, and the party already knowing about his wife assumed; oh! That must be what if wife looks like of course! Eventually down the road the party meet her. Only to be surprised that she looked absolutely nothing like his fantasy they saw. So of course through drunken fun, the party brings this up. More to make fun of him if anything. I'd assume him and his wife were already having problems up to this point. Maybe she had doubts of him being disloyal since he was always away. Or maybe doubts that he didn't loved her anymore, or even no longer found her attractive or desirable still. So hearing that a creature that supposedly transformed into the thing your heart wants the most, and it's the complete opposite of her confirmed whatever insecurity she had in her mind. That maybe the woman they turned into was even his mistress herself?! Knowing Chilchuck, he probably didn't try to comfort her or at least did it very well. Or maybe not even try to talk about it after at all and instead just tried to blow it off. Which only made things worse. And that pushed her to finally leave. Her final straw possibly.

However this is purely speculation of course. A theory based on the extremely limited knowledge we have of that night and their marriage in general.

[dailyadventureprompts]

Heavy Topics: A Child's Vision of Evil

One of the first big “aha!” moments in my journey to retrofit d&d’s laughably bad lore was the realization that the way the game treated evil didn’t make much sense.  As a dungeonmaster I was asked to create dramatic stakes for my players but the out-of-the-box antagonists supplied to me were as laughably one note as the pollution loving villains in Captain Planet. Who would ever worship the demon god of killing everything that lives? Of torturing you for all eternity? Of being unpleasantly covered in slime? 

None of it really made sense until I started to understand the world and recent history through a political lens, at which point several things became clear: 

Despite how large a bogyman it played in the satan scare of the late 80s, the people who laid the foundations for the lore of d&d came from a background of conservative american christianity, and baked a lot of that ethos into the game. 

The conservative christian imagination can only see things in black and white. People who disagree with them can’t just have a different opinion, even if that opinion is objectively good, they need to be wilfully evil . In fact they must be trying as hard to be evil as the christian is trying to be good, because they’re a backwards person, a monster, a demon. 

This idea of the “Backwards Person” is the exact process that gave rise to the bloodlibel, to the witchpanics, to the redscare, and yes, the 80s fear that satanists lurk around every corner sacrificing babies and putting poison in candy because they love evil that much.  It’s the same thought that’s given rise to Q-anon and the groomer panic. “People who disagree with just can’t just have a different opinion, they must be demons.”

D&D’s classic enemies are similarly all “backwards people”, hardwired to do evil so that players always have an excuse to kill them.  While on the surface it seems harmless or even childish it leads to the default d&d world being one where peace is impossible and genocidal violence is the only correct answer.  

We can do better in our writing than a bunch of shut-ins who wanted nothing more than to play cowboys and indians while ripping off Tolkien. Whether you want to write a sweeping epic or a mindless dungeon crawler, there’s a way to reconfigure d&d lore. 

Join me below the cut for a discussion of different ways to use evil in your games.

Children cannot control their emotions nor their fear, they lack the life experience necessary to contextualize things beyond a surface level reading. If you ask a child to "imagine something bad" they're going to take something that scared them, something gross or unpleasant or threatening and imagine it blown up to cartoonish proportion. Tolkien got bit by a spider as a kid and the entire fantasy genre has never lived it down.

D&D is weird because it keeps these childish ideas about evil and drags them forward into an adult context. Those three demon gods I mentioned in the intro make a sort of sense when you realize they're fears of dying, pain, and uncleanliness made manifest. That said most of us having outgrown our childish simplicity understand that those things are neutral, Spiders might personally gross you out but we all understand that doesn't make them bad on a spiritual level. In the base d&d lore however that personal distaste is ALWAYS true: Evilness is synonymous with ugliness and monstrousness, drawing a thick crayon line between the good people and the bad things.

That's where we get our particular flavor of backwards people, because one of those fundamental (pun intended) fears d&d inherited from it's creators was xenophobia, fear of the strange, but also fear of the stranger. When the white, suburban, middle class, christian creators of d&d imagined the other they took all the bad things they had been told in their youth about people who were not them and made them into monsters: That's why the default thinking enemies of d&d are tribal primitives who squat in the ruins of greater civilizations worshipping demons while coveting the beauty and wealth of cultured people. It sounds hyperbolic, but there's a one for one parallel between between the weird sexual anxieties conservatives have about black men and orcs raiding human lands to kidnap women as breeding stock. Same fears about emasculation and race mixing and ethnic replacement, only d&d gives the good ol' boys a narrative vehicle where they can revenge themselves upon their imagined foe.

Most modern d&d is not like this, and I chalk that up to the demographic shift that's happened both because of time passing and the influx of new voices that came along with the 5e renaissance. We're all media literate enough to avoid the obvious racial pantomime... except in cases like the Hardozee when the devs port something almost word for word from an older edition and we get a thanksgiving uncle/facebook aunt screed about how the silly monkey people are really SO happy to work for the refined and civilized and white elves.

What's left behind however is that pervasive childlike worldview: Where perfectly natural things that creep us out (like rot) or frighten us (like pregnancy) are made universally villainous regardless of any themes that are going on in that specific story. Ask yourself why the creators of a piece of media made their badguys look and act like they did, rather than just accepting that it's that way because "the lore says so".

Anyway, that's my rant over, and I promised you guys some different versions of how to use Evil:

Classic demons or lovecraftian horrors make for good bossfights but are thin on character, one of the basic building blocks of story. To remedy this, pair your unremitting force of darkness and destruction with a troubled and nuanced mortal agent, someone who is trying their general best but has been forced down this low road by circumstances beyond their control. This gives your roleplaying focused players something to play off against while your combat focused ones battle a building sized monstrosity. Raw evil isn't interesting, it becomes interesting when we see what it makes morally grey people, even good people, do in reaction to it.

Extremity is one of the best ways to turn normal people into villains, a looming disaster or recent crisis that's putting the pressure on everyone and preventing anyone from thinking beyond protecting themselves and their own. Beyond the people acting rashly, you're also going to have a legion of opportunists offering to fix the problem as your higher rank of antagonists to overcome.

Similarly, if you're going to have your villain backed up by legions of faceless mooks you're going to need a reason for their loyalty. Your villain is offering them something worth dying for, which gives your heroes an alternate win condition for overcoming their numbers beyond genocide.

If you're willing to take a step into a more fanciful, cartoony universe, feel free to play with the idea of good and evil as arbitrary teams: It's the badguy's job to cause chaos and it's the goodguy's job to stop em, they're all working professionals and the dungeon is the workplace comedy. This is fun, but then lets you escalate the tension when someone doesn't play by the rules. What happens when a zealot starts executing evildoers who'd already surrendered? what happens when the villain summons something that is more interested in devastation than wacky hijinx?

Think of morality like a punnett square: There's the party, and then there's the villain who wants the opposite of what they want. THEN there's the villain who wants what the party wants, and the ally who wants the opposite of party wants. Suddenly rather than a simple binary, the party is forced to balance the interest of varying groups as well as their better judgment. This can be made even MORE complex by creating different categories of "what the party wants", which is generally how you get complex political dramas like game of thrones.

[elysiansparadise]

May I ask if you can do Neptune in the 5th house please💘💘

Hello love, of course you can! 💘

Neptune in the 5th house

These natives will always seek deeper and more meaningful experiences in love. Superficialities scare them and they will prefer relationships that, although they happen more slowly, have a real quality in which they can create a stronger and more meaningful bond. In matters of romance, they daydream a lot about it, have many fantasies about it and, regardless of their appearance, are romantic and loving souls when it comes to enjoying and approaching love. They have the ability to love unconditionally and selflessly, making this type of love very elevated, but it can also lead to personal sacrifices. And since we are talking about sacrifices, for them in love both parties have to be able to adapt to the other, accept each other as they are and make small sacrifices for the other. They tend to be attracted to mysterious, intriguing people with a big heart and emotional depth. If Neptune is making tense aspects, it is likely that they idealize their relationships or prefer to live romance from their fantasies to avoid being disappointed by what they perceive as a harsh reality. They like the idea of ​​connecting so deeply with their special one that they both understand each other without words, that they communicate through looks and smiles and that in the relationship there is unconditional love and support.

They are people of truly captivating beauty, there is something in their aura that attracts the attention of other people. They are an enigma, a beautiful mystery for both strangers and acquaintances. Their stage presence is magnetic and magical, easily enveloping people in a spiral of emotions and charm. These natives can be talented in any of the branches of art, from music, dance, cinema and other forms of creative expression. It should be added that spiritual talents or gifts are also very likely. They may enjoy activities such as astrology, tarot, and other esoteric practices. Their creativity can be very fluid and adaptable, allowing them to try out different art forms and expressions without being tied to a specific style or preference.They often use art as a way to explore and communicate their deepest feelings and view of the world. Many of them see their hobbies as a way to escape from reality or where they can find refuge after a bad day. They have a strong spiritual connection with their hobbies and interests. 

Throughout their lives they can have many platonic loves. We can add that love is one of the things that inspires them the most or that can even put them in a good mood, and it is not only limited to their love life, but the love life of friends, or the fictional one between characters. One of the things they should be careful with is when it comes to getting to know the person they plan to connect with, because they give absolutely everything in love, they must make sure that the other party is really worth it. They find fun and a strong passion for spiritual themes that allows them to have a better sense of who they are. In the case of wanting to be parents, these natives are the type to give everything for their children, wanting to cover all their needs, emphasizing their emotional needs. The relationship with your children can be deep, strong and really beautiful. Their children can be very creative, somewhat shy, very dreamy and very affectionate and expressive with the native. They will be very understanding and loving parents, although they may idealize their children.

-> Go back to the masterlist

[yoshimura110]

One-shots

Vampire Cookie-Babysitter

Vampire Cookie is known as a lazy vampire, who is always drunk with wine(?). He may not be a good example for children, but he is a good takecarer since he had some experience with his sister in the past. Sometimes vampire Cookie will have to look after Y/n. All he will do is put them into a baby seat(despite Y/n is not a baby) when he take a nap and drink some wine while carrying them around.

And, of course, he will not give wine to them even if he get drunk.

Chili Pepper Cookie-Babysitter

Chili Pepper Cookie is a cookie who likes a good treasure, and she is not a good babysitter, but it doesn't mean she is that bad either... Chili Pepper Cookie will bring Y/n around on her adventures as her crime partner.

She will use the small cookie cuteness as a distraction while she takes some wallets from behind. She will make sure to protect them even its a little dangerous for their adventures.

And them receive some candies and money just to not tell the others (:

Mystic Flour Cookie VS Dark Cacao Cookie(dragon lord)

Well... where i should start...

After that, events of cookies of the Dark Cacao Kingdom get in ill of flour. Dark Cacao, with his soldiers, decided to go to beast yeast. Many hours later, Dark Cacao lost some of his soldiers, and he continued adventure with the strange palace with the rest of his soldiers.

Since everyone knows the events, i will start talking about Y/n. After the battle with Shadow Milk Cookie, Y/n were adventure with Gingerbrave and with others on beast yeast. In the middle of the way, a fog flour appeared, making everyone lose the vision. "i-i c-cant see...G-gingerbrave! Can you hear me?!

They looked around and didn't hear or found anything. The small cookie walked inside the fog, confused, searching for their friends. "Someone? Hello?..." Y/n start get very relaxed for some reason, their body seem light.

Suddenly, they hear an unfamiliar voice. "Are you lost, little one?". Y/n heard the unfamiliar voice hesitating and scared decided to follow the voice. "Who is there? Where are my friends?"

"Follow my voice...I will help you." The more steps Y/n took more, their body seemed to get light and weak the fog disappeared. "Where I am?"

The small cookie was inside a cave in a mountain. In front of them was an unfamiliar cookie, with a kind expression, but for some reason, the small cookie felt something wrong on that cookie...it made them remember Shadow Milk...

"Fear not little cookie, I Mystic Flour will take away your worries away... no need to fear, you are safe from the pain and manipulation you suffer from others"

Before Y/n could say anything, they coughed flour, and their vision got fuzzy. "..."

(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)

"Beast!" A loud voice could be heard in the cave. The voice was from Dark Cacao Cookie, who held his sword appointed towards Mystic Flour with the white and black dragon on his shoulders. His appearance was more powerful and without worries. "Give me back Y/n, my soldiers and my cookies! I will end your evilness!"

Mystic Flour was on the throne(?), the small cookie on a jar next to it, it was annoyed due dark Cacao refuse to turn to Flour, it couldn't take the soul jam back. "Your foolish cookie, I was going to set you free from pain, but you still refuse...and about this little cookie you really think you can take care of them after everything you done to your own son?"

"My actions were wrong but it doesn't mean I will stop to fight for ones I care, even if it means spill my jam I will fight for saving my kind from you!"

The beast standed from her throne and walked towards dark Cacao after she caressed the jar with the small cookie inside

Everything around the room turned to flor, the beast stared at Dark Cacao with a dark expression, Dark Cacao was ready to fight with his sword in hand.

who will win?

[dreaming-of-lu]

A/N: Hiyaaa, it's been awhile tehe. I'm like kicking myself back into gear again since I know I haven't posted, but I figured I leave y'all with this until I can smack some things out.

The sight was adorable.

He was too sweet for his own good even if his form and posture spelled a whole 'nother thing. Don't get it too wrong, he may look terrifying and stoic to those who do not know the man well, sometimes putting it to good use yet when it came to children? He was a sucker and tried his best to not scare them with his towering height. Instead he entertained the kids of the village, letting them climb onto his back as he patiently answered their never ending streams of questions.

Though, never would you have guessed that he did entertain their playful antics, then again, you knew that the little boy inside of him was healing.

Time dipped, dived and spun on his heel with a laugh loudly leaving him, a smile so bright and wide on his lips as the children of the village squealed out in joy. All following him so eagerly, trying to tag him, get him to falter yet he stayed ahead of them.

"Looks like he's in a very good mood," you turned to see the captain make his way to you.

"That he is, captain," Warriors squints at the mumbled response. "Is everything okay?" He nudged his shoulder against yours, staring hard into your features, obviously looking for a crack to unfold.

"It's nothing," you shook your head, eyes never once leaving the happy form of the leader. He never had looked so stress free in his life, normally was on the run, tending to any tasks that were settled upon his already weary torn shoulders. It was a privilege to see him like this just once.

"You know, he wasn't always like that," Warriors pipes up, "I mean by stoic and level headed."

"Oh?" you perked up, "do tell?"

A short huff of laughter passed the captains' lips, "he was actually a menace believe or not, a good one, but enough to be a pain in the arse."

"Really?" You leaned in closer to Warriors.

"Oh, yes," Warriors fondly watched the lumbering man trip and fall over his feet, immediately glomped on by the kids. He laughs at the sight, shaking his head, "it must be weird seeing or knowing about this." "Not really," you shrugged, "people like him tend to have soft spots."

Silence overtook the area.

"You love him, don't you?"

"WHa-" you sputtered, "wh-where did you get that idea?!"

Warriors tapped your nose lightly, "that my dear, is a secret for me to know."

"Captain, I swear on the goddessses, if you ev-" He held a hand up calmly, cutting off your rant.

"I'm not interested in meddling with your love affairs," he playfully winked, "that's more of yours to deal with."

"LINK!"

The captain laughs hard in response when the leader of the group shot up so quick in worry.

[kyufessions]

glitter

synopsis: you walk in on your daughter giving your fiancé a makeover

genre: fluff, domestic

pairings: fiancé, non-idol! jeno x g.n. reader

word count: 2.2k

a/n: i really went off with this lmao. this is the most inspired i’ve been in a while for a story so hope y’all enjoy!

general taglist: @jwnghyuns @eaudenana @soobin-chois

nct taglist: @jungsusvillain

Glitter was going to be everywhere in your house for the next two weeks, but you honestly didn’t care much. on any other day you would sigh about it and remind your daughter, aecha, to ask you first before doing so or remind her to use her designated playroom rather than the living room but coming home to see your fiance sitting across from a four year old as she smothers his face with cheap eyeshadow and glitter, you couldn’t help but find yourself amused by the sight. There sat an almost six foot tall man in grey slacks with a light blue button up shirt and a loosened tie in the middle of your living room floor, across from him was a little four year old girl using a barbie eyeshadow palette all over his face- the purple glitter hitting pan as she used it for nearly everything.

“Sit still!” she demanded in her tiny voice as she smeared a green shade across his one eyelid, the other one already light pink with a sparkling shine. The concentration on her face was very evident, her cheeks puffed out as her eyes squinted to get a clearer look.

“Sorry, sorry.” he mumbled, a small chuckle leaving past his lips as they upcurved into a grin. He tried looking up at her to watch what she was doing but she reminded him to keep his eyes down so she could get all the color on him, earning another mumbled ‘sorry’ from the grown man. “What color are you using?”

You stood against the door frame watching in silence, the door still slightly ajar as to not warn anyone of your presence. Instead, you took out your phone to record the moment quietly. When you first started dating jeno, you were scared he wouldn’t accept that you were a parent of a two year old. You had been on countless dates within the past few months, but none of them ever went past the first two because as soon as they found out you had a child they didn’t want anything to progress further. With being in your early twenties, you figured not many people would want to see someone that was already a parent. And you definitely didn't want to date anyone who was a lot older than you, so you were stuck. Well, until you met jeno that is.

You remember the day as if it were yesterday: you were at the local park down the street from your old apartment complex, watching as aecha played in the sandbox with some other children. All the other parents were older and ignored you for the most part, judgemental stares were never not thrown your way when you would explain she was indeed your daughter and not your niece, sister, or cousin. But you always ignored them, not caring much about what people thought about you. Having aecha was something you had never regretted, not even for one second. As you sat there in your thoughts and sipped on your iced coffee, you felt a presence sit next to you on the bench. You glanced at them from the corner of your eye, noticing it was a man in a navy blue plaid shirt and jeans. He seemed to be around your age, maybe younger by not much. Silence hung between the both of you, but it didn’t seem too awkward- just that type of awkwardness you feel when meeting a stranger for the first time.

“Uncle!” you heard a child yell as they ran towards him, his arms up in the air asking to be picked up.

And the stranger did just that, picking up him gracefully and putting him in his lap. “Hajoon!” He greets him with a smile, and when you glance at them for a second you can notice how both of their smiles are practically the same. “What’s up? Are you feeling okay?”

The child nods, his smile turning into a pout. “Yes! But can we stay a little longer? I want to help them finish their sandcastle!” his little finger points towards the small group of children your daughter was sitting with, their little selves working hard at building a sandcastle as tall as the tree next to them- or at least, that was their goal.

As soon as the stranger tells him it's okay, he hops off his lap and runs back towards your daughter and her group of friends she's made. You both sit in silence again for a few moments, watching the children carefully as they get to work. It wasn't until you were mid-sip on your caramel iced coffee when the stranger spoke up.

“Which kid is yours?” the deep voice asked, making you turn your head in his direction as you pointed towards your aecha.

Quickly swallowing your drink, you finally responded. “The one with the pigtails and bows in her hair with the rainbow overalls.”

Jeno watched how you smiled at her when she waved at you, making his lips turn into a shy smile. Through your simple actions he could tell you adored her more than anything, and he admired that right off the bat. “The loud one in the dinosaur shirt is my nephew, hajoon.” you nod, taking another small sip of the remainder of your coffee. Not wanting the conversation to stop, he continues on. “Is she your niece?”

You shake your head, finally turning your head towards him. The way his eyes crinkled when he smiled made your stomach flip for a split second before you brushed it aside, choosing to ignore how handsome this stranger was. “No, she’s my daughter.” The shock on his face was subtle, but the change in his facial expression gave away his surprise. You just smile at his expression, used to it by now. “I had her young, but she’s everything to me.”

For the next half an hour, you both sat there as the kids would knock down and rebuild their sand castles before jeno received a call that it was time to start bringing hajoon back home for dinner. Throughout that time, you both got to know one another. You learned how he was a year younger than you and how he had just started college, how he also enjoyed doing music on the side here and there for extra money at times. And although you were still young, he admired how you still put yourself through school and two part time jobs just to give your daughter what she deserved. When he learned of you being a single parent, he mentally cursed at the person leaving you to care for a child at such a young age. How dare they do such a thing?

“Will you be okay getting home?” he asked as hajoon jumped on his back, his arms wrapping around his shoulders to hold on tight.

Nodding, you fix aecha’s hair quickly before grabbing her hand and standing towards the opposite direction. “I’ll be okay, thank you. I live right down the block.”

From then on, every Saturday you would ‘coincidentally’ bump into each other at that same park, him with hajoon and you with aecha. But what you learned after you both officially started dating for a few months was he would volunteer to hang out with hajoon every saturday. He'd take him out for lunch, sometimes take him shopping or to the arcade, but one thing he never missed was taking him to the park around the same time every weekend. It took jeno a month of that same routine to finally ask for your number, then another month to ask you on a proper date, and then a third month to officially ask you out. It’s now two years later and jeno is nearing the end of his graduation with a job already secured for him, while you had finished your college degree a year ago and was able to work from home most days. The day after your graduation jeno had proposed, but asked to wait until he graduated to move forward with wedding planning. Agreeing, you both divided to just move in together for the time being and secured a three bedroom apartment together closer to where his new job would be located. Everything with jeno seemed like a fairytale you never thought would happen.

“Green!” aecha exclaimed, a proud smile appearing on her face.

For a few moments more you watch them talk about how green would and wouldn’t match his outfit best, and aecha offering jeno one of her princess dresses that would look better than his ‘ugly outfit’. Chuckling lowly to yourself, you stop recording and close the door behind you before walking towards them with a smile.

Aecha automatically runs up to you with a smile, her body clinging to your legs as you bend down to her level and envelope her into a hug. “What's going on here?” you ask her, finally noticing the small specks of glitter on her face as well. You smile at jeno as he looks at you with a playfully defeated look, the lipstick that your daughter chose everywhere except for his lips.

She tugged at your hand, pulling you further to where your fiance sat with his legs crossed. “I made daddy pretty!” you both laughed at her comment, using your pointer finger to turn jeno’s face more towards you for a better view. No words needed to be exchanged, all you did was smile at one another as your eyes said it all. “Do you like it?”

Turning to her, you kiss the top of her head and pat it afterwards. “I love it! Can you do my makeup tomorrow for daddy and i’s date?” as she starts jumping up and down with joy, you stop her quickly by putting your hand on her shoulder. “But only if you can do one thing for me.” she nods eagerly, waiting for the deal. “If you start getting ready for your bath, you can do my makeup tomorrow. I’ll even give you bubbles for tonight, how does that sound?”

Before you know it, she runs down the hall and up the stairs to her room, you both watch as she runs into her room and closes the door behind herself to start changing. When jeno turns around, he sees you kneeling down to his eye-level and smiling at him in an attempt to hold back laughter. Failing as soon as he smiles back at you with a toothy grin, you sit on his lap and wrap your arms around his neck as you press multiple pecked kisses against his lips as you both laugh together.

“How was work?” you ask after smothering him with kisses, bringing your thumb up to his face to smudge away some glitter from the apple of his cheek. “Your day seemed eventful.”

He takes one hand off of your waist and takes your hand in his, placing a kiss on the back of it. “It was good, the internship is promising and I have my last day of classes this Friday before graduation.” jeno starts blinking rapidly as he feels glitter in his eye, quickly rubbing it away and grabbing your hand again afterwards. “Aecha and I made ramen for lunch and then she wanted to do my makeup. I know how you feel about glitter but I, unfortunately, had no say in the matter.”

“It's okay as long as you help me clean it up afterwards.” you say, sneaking your phone out of your pocket and taking a few quick pics of jeno before you get up and drag him towards the bathroom to wipe the makeup off his face. He watches you do so, admiring every move you make. Even though you looked tired from work, you still had a glow that he never got tired of. Alluring couldn’t even begin to describe how he saw you, no synonyms could ever begin to describe. Even though your face was straight, your lips always had an upcurve to them that came across as welcoming and friendly. And when you were concentrating, you bit the inside of your bottom lip ever so slightly as your eyes were slightly squinted.

“Let's have another.”

Giggling, you stop what you're doing and look him in the eyes. “What do you mean, ‘let's have another’?”

He grabs your hands, intertwining your fingers together before kissing your knuckles as he speaks. “I mean, let's have another kid.”

You always knew jeno wanted more kids, and now that aecha is in daycare and has friends who have siblings she keeps asking for a brother or sister more often than not. After your daughter, you always told yourself you wouldn’t have more kids until you were older- maybe early to mid thirties. But with life falling into place, you couldn’t imagine a more perfect time.

“I like that idea.” you confess, smiling from ear to ear as jeno lifts you up by your thighs and kisses you deeply. But the kiss is soon cut short as you hear aecha coming down the stairs towards the bathroom.

You just couldn’t wait to grow your little family even more.

[stardustizuku]

I’ve recently been thinking on why there’s people who interpret Kuro in such a drastically different way.

And something I notice is that you can easily tell how someone experiences the series, based on what they think of the GWA.

The way you interpret the Green Witch Arc is indicative of of how you have been interpreting the story so far, and how you’ll interpret it going forward

Generally, there’s two interpretations:

1.- The Reaction Ciel had to the mustard gas, are his true feelings coming afloat

2.- The Reaction Ciel had to the mustard gas, isn’t how he feels.

The first interpretation (and I’m really not trying to be mean about it this time) comes from a very, uhm, shall I call it Teenage-Like? mindset of how pain and trauma works.

I call it Teenage-Like, because I’ve seen it in mostly literature aimed at teenagers, be it fanfics or YA. It comes from an inability for teenagers to actually voice how they feel towards their parents. A helpless feeling of being ignored.

I don’t wanna point fingers but this is the basis of a lot of Self Harm tendencies (physical, emotional, psychological, or others like EDs or digital self harm) come from. A need for people to notice you are in pain. But because you feel like you cannot voice it yourself (or don’t deserve it, it can vary) you start to lash out. Put yourself in higher risks, to have someone find out there is something wrong with you.

So the moment the main character finally breaks down, or has a moment of weakness, it’s interpreted as someone finally being truthful.

This is how Ciel’s reaction is interpreted by the first half.

The mustard gas is simply a trigger of pain, that causes all of Ciel to unravel. He’s in pain right now, cause he’s always in pain. He’s avoidant to Sebastian, cause he’s always been scared of him. He doesn’t trust him. He doesn’t trust adults. Finny is the only one who actually cares.

This makes the fact that Sebastian ,essentially, slapped him to get him to react, come off as cruel.

The boy is finally being honest, and you just tell him he’s being childish? Horrible.

Obviously, that’s not my interpretation.

Okay so, what happens once you’re not a teenager? Once you don’t have an adult figure to take care of you? What happens once you start avoiding telling your parents the pain you’re in, not because you think they won’t care, but because they’ll care too much and get worried and you don’t want them to get worried?

You start to realize pain is not the end of the world.

While, when being a teenager, getting sick meant someone gets to take care of you and maybe notice you aren’t okay, as an adult getting sick potentially means - not going to work. Which means your won’t have money to buy food, which means you’ll probably go hungry.

So getting sick becomes less of a way to get away from the responsibilities you have, and more of a burden.

That’s why you’ll see, in media aimed at adults,mental breakdown less depicted as an opportunity to be honest, and more of a sickness that needs to be healed.

You can have a more honest and truthful conversation, while you are sound of mind. There’s no power dynamic between friends, like it would with adult figures and children. So this song and dance, isn’t necessary.

You don’t have to be sick to be understood. And your friends will rather try to help you, than understand you when you’re suffering. That’s the nature of adult relationships.

This is more or less the framing that comes from Ciel’s breakdown (in the second interpretation).

The Mustard Gas isn’t showing Ciel’s true nature - it’s showing Ciel at his most vulnerable. This means, not in his sound mind.

Saying things he normally wouldn’t, hurting people he normally would hold close, and clinging to people he generally would never try to get close to.

Simply put, it isn’t just ��a bit of pain to make him unravel” but a “Ciel is getting psychologically tortured by a weapon used for chemical warfare”.

He’s past being honest. He’s having such a severe reaction, that he cannot function. He’s being tortured and broken, to the point he is no longer himself.

He isn’t being “truthful” he’s scared.

And fear can make you do things that, in your sound mind, you would never do.

The point is that, Ciel isn’t saying what he truly feels or being “honest”. It’s him scared out of his mind, saying everything and anything to make the fear stop.

And the biggest proof is how he treats Sebastian.

The fact that Ciel asks Sebastian to “go away” or “not come near” is perhaps the most glaring reason as to how badly this Gas messed with him.

I’ve said this before but to Ciel, Sebastian is a lifeline. He’s the only tool he has for his revenge. The thing that, even after he lost r!Ciel, he was willing to sacrifice it all to achieve.

And at this point in time, Sebastian is also the only emotional anchor Ciel has.

As far back as the second episode, Ciel has asked Sebastian to stay. Even when he’s having flashbacks, even when he’s having an episode. In fact, Sebastian leaving him is a great source of anxiety - since as seen in BoC in the Asthma Scene, without him Ciel feels powerless enough to die.

He feels more protected with him, because he KNOWS Sebastian will protect him and that Sebastian will follow his orders.

Again going with the analogy of a dog - He feels more comfortable having the chained beast by his bed, simply bcs others are trying to hurt him and the beast won’t eat him right now.

So him asking Sebastian to go away, is throwing away his biggest safety net for a surrogate for r!Ciel, just means he’s reverting to the mentality he had during the cult.

If Sebastian is constantly telling him “it’s okay, they can’t hurt you anymore, you’re outside the cage, you can do what you WANT”

Ciel clinging to Finny is him going “no, im staying in the cage bcs at least the cage is familiar”

And no matter what the first camp tells you, staying in the cage, trapped inside your pain ISNT the healthy option.

(We could argue Ciel’s need for revenge rather than healing is also unhealthy, but no one in the second camp would even call Ciel anything other than a villain in someone else’s story)

So, Sebastian slapping him and going “no, that’s not what you want”, isn’t as cruel as it would be in the first interpretation. Because as we see, he’s right. That’s not what Ciel wants. And it’s proved by the next scene where Sebastian talks to Ciel about what he truly wants.

Rather than Sebastian telling Ciel to “get over it”, it’s closest to a “snap out of it, something’s wrong”

This is further proved by the fact that, Sebastian first instinct isn’t to scare him. He does back away, he does try to wait and gently coax him. But Ciel literally cannot reason with him.

That small but significant difference in interpretation has wildly different outcomes in how you perceive both, the characters and the story.

If you pick the first, you’re reading Sebastian as an enemy. Someone who does not respect Ciel. You see his attempt to eat Ciel’s soul as a breach of trust, and proof that he doesn’t care for him.

But if you pick the second option, you see Sebastian as an ally. Someone who’s running out of time and ways to save Ciel. His actions, while crass, ultimately help Ciel. What he was trying to do, was help.

Yana, very clearly, wanted the second interpretation. However, I cannot, in good conscience, tell you it’s the only interpretation. People are free to pick and chose how they read the text, irrelevant of how little of the actual text they’re reading.

But I will say, picking the first is symbolic of a less mature way of thinking. Common on those who like to infantilize trauma and trauma responses. It’s the easy, safe and comforting way of reading the text. As I said, it’s common in those who want their pain to be acknowledged.

That reading of Kuro is one that speak to me, that you’re not really ready to confront pain. And someone with that mentality, is not someone who’s reading of the text I find particularly interesting. Sure, you can share it, I’ll never stop you, but know you’re speaking to me in an entirely different language. You’re interpreting the text so differently, that I don’t think it’s even the same text anymore.

Again, you’re essentially writing analysis on fanfiction. And I’m not all too interested in dissecting your own trauma sloppily painted over British Aesthetic.

[oh-stars]

On a Limb

Love is saying "I love you" even when you're scared

a @steddielovemonth prompt | 2047 words | CW: N/A | Rating: T

--

“You don’t even know if she likes girls,” Robin says, stacking the tapes with a little more force than necessary. 

Steve swipes his hand along the counter, smearing the cleaner across the plastic-like surface. “It’s a gut instinct! And the boobies–”

“Don’t even start with the boobies,” Robin huffs. She turns completely away from him then, pushing the cart toward the stacks. Steve can’t see well enough with the lights dimmed, and thanks to corporate controlling the lights now, they turn off half at exactly closing time. Which means Robin reshelves and straightens up the stacks while Steve counts the tills (thanks to the counter having the most light left) and cleans the remainder of the store. It’s a win-win. It also means it’s easier for Robin to ignore him. 

“C’mon,” Steve says, spraying the counter aggressively over a melted lollipop. “It’s a good theory!”

“A theory!” She practically shouts, turning on her heel to look at him. The tapes she’s holding knock into the shelves as she waves them about with her words. “It’s just a theory, Steve! I’m not about to become the town pariah over a theory!” 

“Eddie says it’s not so bad being a pariah,” Steve adds. “People leave him alone and he can do whatever he wants–” 

“You and I both know that’s a load of horse shit, Steve,” Robin says, and while he can’t see it clearly he knows the face she’s making at him. The one that tells him she’s had enough of the teasing and the games, that she knows Steve’s being an idiot on purpose right now. “He’s purposely hiding all the threats on his life from you, dingus.”

Steve pauses. Threats? He abandons the rag and pushes himself away from the counter to lean against the one closest to her, draping himself along the freshly cleaned surface. “He’s getting threats?” 

He can hear the eyeroll. “Steve,” she says with the rest of her patience, “he’s been accused of murdering some of Hawkins’ brightest and starting a cult from the drama room in the high school. Do you really think that these ignorant assholes think he’s allowed to just walk around and coexist with their children? That they aren’t clutching their pearls and pointing their little witch fingers at him?” 

Robin walks back up to the counter and mirrors him, faces too close. “He knows how much you want to protect him, so he’s keeping it from you so you don’t worry.” 

“But I always worry,” he counters. 

“I know this,” Robin says, “but I don’t think Eddie’s allowed himself to consider that he is, in fact, in your ‘inner circle’ as he put it.” She sighs and bumps their heads together like a cat. “You mean well, I know you do, but I can’t risk dealing with the consequences of people finding out on a hunch,” she whispers. 

Steve presses his temple against hers. “It’s more than a hunch,” he promises. “I see the way she looks at you. Vickie turns into a completely different–” 

Robin covers his hand with hers. “Stop. I love you, but I have to make this decision. This isn’t like you asking out a girl, it’s just not the same no matter how much you want it to be. And that’s not… It’s not something you can really understand until you’re experiencing it. I love how much you’re trying, it means a lot, but I need to do this on my own and until I find out she actually likes girls, I’m not doing anything.” 

He listens, because of course he does, but he doesn’t stop thinking about it. As Robin goes back to the cart, shuffling the crinkling VHS boxes into alphabetical order, Steve finishes up at the counter. He can barely see her when he moves on to vacuuming, but it’s for the best. He doesn’t want to see her sad, accepting smile right now. 

It just… it sucks watching her accept that she’ll never find love because Vickie had a boyfriend – who she dumped three months ago, mind you – and she can’t see how much Vickie is trying to catch her eye. Steve knows how to tell when someone is attracted to you, when they’re trying to get you to notice them or make a move and she’s doing all of it. 

Just like Steve is with Eddie. 

He hasn’t talked to Robin about… that development yet. It’s been something he’s been working through since spring break, the warm and fuzzies Eddie gives him. At first, he thought it was something to do with saving Eddie’s life, of almost losing him all together, but when those feelings only grew with each smoke session and long car rides… He had to come clean with himself. 

It’s been months and Steve’s a mess trying to figure Eddie out, though. 

Eddie’s as clingy as Steve is, they spend nearly all of their free time together, with Robin and Dustin mixed in there too. Eddie makes an effort to learn about Steve’s interests, whether it be learning the lyrics to his favorite albums, listening to the gossip Steve spouts (both local and from pop culture), or going as far as watching and, dare Steve say, playing the occasional game of basketball. And Steve is doing the same, mind you, listening to Eddie’s mixtapes and learning what different terminology means for music and D&D. They watch artsy horror movies and Steve’s reading more, even if it feels impossible, just so they have more to talk about. 

At a certain point, it goes above and beyond normal friendship sacrifices. 

Steve sees the way Eddie holds himself around Steve versus Robin, too. With Robin, he’ll touch and hang all over her with reckless abandon, while still being respectful, but with Steve, there’s always a little hesitation and tension with his movements. Like he’s waiting for Steve to react negatively. 

There’s just… a wall between them, no matter how much Steve tries to tear it down. 

And he has a feeling that the wall Eddie’s put up is a lot like his own, that blocks anyone from seeing how deep his feelings for Eddie really goes. 

Steve looks over to where Robin’s made her way around most of the store. She looks sad, even as she bobs her head to something he can’t hear and her hands move deftly along the tapes. She’s lost in her head over Vickie, something she probably didn’t want to talk about and Steve had needled his way into the conversation. He just wants her to be happy, is all. 

But how can he expect her to take a risk and put herself out there if he’s being a coward too? 

He wraps the cord of the vacuum up as tightly as he can, tucking the machine back into the closet. There’s still more to clean but they’re opening tomorrow anyway, who cares if they didn’t dust the shelves for one night. “Robbie,” Steve calls softly.

She hums, not looking up from the foreign language movies she’s reorganizing. 

Steve moves to sit beside her, knees overlapping. He can’t read the titles, wouldn’t be much help even with the lights, but he can keep her company until she’s done. “I think I know how you feel,” he says slowly, “because I feel that too. With, um.” He clears his throat. 

Robin turns fully to him and in the dim light, Steve can see the way her eyes are bright with curiosity and her brow knits in confusion. “With?” she prompts softly. 

“I love Eddie.” There’s no ‘I think’ or ‘maybe’ about it. He knows he loves him, and would do anything for him. No matter the risk. Steve just wants Eddie in his life and he has a feeling that Eddie, even if Steve’s totally wrong about sharing the same romantic feelings, would never hate him for having said feelings. But he’ll never know unless he does something about it. 

“I love him, too–”

“No,” Steve says, taking Robin’s hand, “I’m in love with Eddie.” 

He hears the little gasp she tries to conceal. “But he’s so muppety.” 

“Like you have room to talk.” 

“Yeah, but Tammy’s a Miss Piggy while Eddie’s a Fozzie Bear–” 

“He’s not Fozzie!” 

“Oh no, my apologies,” Robin says, sitting up as she puts a hand to her chest. “He’s like you stuffed Animal into Fozzie–” 

Steve laughs, pushing at her shoulder. “Will you stop?” 

Robin shrugs, but she’s just as giggly. “How long have you known?” 

“I think for a while,” he admits, “but I wasn’t sure until a few weeks ago.” 

She hums again as she takes his hand. “Thank you for telling me.” 

“I’m scared,” he whispers, “but I also know I can’t… I can’t stand to live without him, but I need to tell him how I feel. I don’t want to harbor these feelings until I die.”

“Are you just saying this so I ask out Vickie?” 

“Sort of.” He shrugs. “But I want this, too.” 

Robin smiles at him. 

They gather their things and head out of Family Video, with Robin locking the door behind them. “When are you telling him?” Robin asks as they climb into the Beemer. 

“Tonight– Ow!” Steve rubs at his arm where Robin’s hand slapped at his bare skin. “The hell was that for?” 

“You just came out to me, admitted you’re in love with Eddie Munson, and now you’re just going to walk over there and confess your feelings?” 

Well. Yeah? 

It must say it on his face since she throws her hands up and mumbles, “Unbelievable.” 

“What?” 

“Nothing!” she huffs. “I love you, Steve, but god, the unwavering confidence of a man is unfathomable.” Robin crosses her arms and slouches in her seat. She pouts until he turns on her street, then she pops up and turns to him. “You will report to me immediately tomorrow morning over pancakes with extra strawberries and whipped cream every single detail of how it goes down. Understood?” 

“I could just call you tonight–” 

“No,” she says, unbuckling, “you’ll be too busy swapping spit with Munson and I’m not staying up until you come up for air. We have to work in the morning and if we’re getting breakfast before, we have to be up extra early. And unlike you, I won’t have the lovey dovey high you’ll have tomorrow to get me through the slog.” 

Steve can only laugh. “Yeah, okay.” 

She pauses once she’s outside of the car and motions for him to roll down her window. He does, only for her to hug him through the space. “Call if it doesn’t go well, though. I’ll keep my window unlocked.” 

“Love you, Rob.” 

“Love you too, dingus.” 

They say their goodbyes and then Steve’s off, driving to Forest Hills to do exactly that. It hits him as he parks outside of the trailer, watching Eddie’s shadow in the curtains, what he’s about to do. But Robin’s waiting on an answer and Steve wasn’t lying when he said he couldn’t keep on like this. 

He turns the ignition off and climbs out of the Beemer on shaky legs. He can do this. 

Steve doesn’t get a chance to knock before Eddie’s popping his head out, grinning as he takes in Steve. Even though his stomach feels like it’s reached Vecna’s corpse in the Upside Down, his heart’s racing faster than a hummingbird as he meets Eddie’s eyes. This could go horribly, he could lose Eddie forever and he’ll be destined to live alone with only Robin as they escape from town to town like the FBI’s Most Wanted, never allowed to settle. 

He takes in a deep breath and holds it. 

“What are you doing here?” Eddie asks, opening the door wider. 

“I’m in love with you,” he says on his exhale. “I don’t need you to love me back, but I need you to know,” he adds just as breathless. 

Eddie’s face falls for all of two seconds before his grin comes back twice as strong. He reaches out and grabs Steve by the shirt collar, dragging him in swiftly just to slam him against the door. Steve doesn’t get a chance to question if he’s about to be hit when Eddie’s lips are on his.

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Thank you @lady-lostmind!

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