#I think El is the one that I gave most of my personality to

[rickie-the-storyteller]

Get To Know My OC Tag!

This'll probably be the first of many since this was sooo much fun to do lol.

I was going to do this with Steph… but I felt more drawn towards El today for some reason. Probably because I've been editing a lot more of her scenes/chapters lately. So Elise, I choose you!

Thank you for tagging me, @gummybugg!

Let's begin!

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The door opens, and 18-year-old Elise Kennedy enters the room. She walks with graceful strides that indicates the quiet confidence she holds within her. She is a pretty girl - long wavy blonde hair styled in a messy bun, crystal clear blue eyes sparkling with joy and curiosity (despite being baggy from that high school stress and sleep deprivation), and a bright beaming smile that honestly does a better job of lighting up the room than my terrible cheap lamp does. She appears to be about 5'6, if I'm not wrong.

She extends a hand in greeting, radiating an immediate sense of warmth and sincerity. Her voice, I notice straight away is soft warm and gentle. It carries an undertone enough to put you at ease in an instant. Then she takes her seat.

I know I've only just met her, but she seems nice.

1) Are you named after anyone?

Elise: Uh, no. Not after a person, I don't think. Although, I do know how I got my name. My late grandmother was really into classical music, and she came up with the suggestion of "Elise" for me when I was born because one of her favourite pieces of music was "Für Elise" by Beethoven. When I was little, she actually taught me how to play it on the piano, too! That was a fun time… yeah. But to answer your question, no. Not that I know of.

2) When was the last time you cried?

Elise: I don't know… hmm, let me think. This is actually a deep question when you think about it.

Me: It is??

Elise: Wait! Do you mean, like proper crying? Bawling like a baby? Or do you mean like welling up, but not actually making a sound?

Me: Uh…

Elise: If you mean the first one, then probably last week. I was watching a really sad movie with my brother, and I just couldn't help it. If you mean the second one, then… I don't know. To be honest, it happens on a regular basis. So probably yesterday or something. I try not to be overly emotional all the time, but I'm a sensitive soul, what can I say? (pause) OH! I remember now!

Me: You do?

Elise: It was two weeks ago! Ok, let me explain - I have this friend who really loves music. His name is Bret, and something he likes to do as a hobby is write and produce his own songs, right? And two weeks ago, he sent me an email with a link to his SoundCloud. He posts all his songs there now, its amazing! Anyway, he asked me for feedback on the first song he uploaded on there. So I listened to it, and it made me cry. It was very deep and moving. I loved it… (laughs awkwardly) I feel like my answers are way too long, ha-ha! Sorry about that.

Me: Don't be sorry. This is good!

Elise: I'll send you a link to Bret's SoundCloud! You need to listen to it yourself, so you know what I'm talking about.

Me: Would your friend mind?

Elise: Uh… (pauses for a while to wonder whether or not Bret would actually mind) Probably not?

3) Do you have kids?

Elise: Uh, no. Nor do I want any - at least not right now. I'm still a school kid! (pause) I know I'm 18, so legally I count as an adult, but I still feel like a kid, honestly. And I think that just as a general rule, if you feel like a kid or act like a kid, you probably shouldn't raise a kid.

4) Do you use sarcasm?

Elise: (thinks for a moment, then nods) Yeah. Not as often as some people do, but sometimes it's just necessary, especially when you're dealing with difficult or incompetent people.

5) What's the first thing you notice about people?

Elise: I feel like I'm naturally quite good at reading people, you know? Like, even with people I don't know all that well, I can just look at them and have a good idea of how they're feeling, what their thinking, what they're like. And it's usually pretty accurate, as well. I'm quite intuitive in that sense. I think this is also the reason I connect well with others even if they're very different from me. Like, I'm an introvert, and I'm generally rather quiet and mind my own business most of the time, but quite a lot of my friends are super energetic extroverted people. I think its fun to be curious, you know? Like, taking the time to understand and empathise with a person. You form closer bonds with people that way.

6) What's your eye colour?

Elise: Blue! You see? (opens eyes wide so that I can see their colour)

7) Any special talents?

Elise: Hmm. I don't know if any of my talents count as "special" or anything. I have talents… like, back when I used to perform in my old choir, I was known for being able to hold notes for really, really long. My record back then was like 47 seconds. But it's been years since then, and I probably can't do it anymore. Anything else? (pauses to think for a second) Don't know whether this counts, but I'm really good at memorising things. My brother says I have a memory sharper than a katana… which I think says everything you need to know about him. (laughs) But like, to give an example, I can read a book and basically be able to quote it word for word afterwards. Or watch a show, and be able to recite every line in a given scene. It's quite helpful as a student, actually. Makes the studying process a bit smoother. Not that I don't work hard for my grades, because I do. I don't consider myself to be a mega-super-genius or anything.

8) Scary movies or happy endings?

Elise: Are you kidding me?! Happy ending all the way! I can't sit through a horror movie for the life of me. I hate scary stuff, I just don't like the feeling of terror. I don't get why some people actually like it. I mean some people have to like it, right? There has to be a reason that the horror genre has a market.

9) Where were you born?

Elise: Born and raised in London, baby!

10) What are your hobbies?

Elise: Reading, first of all. I love to read so much. I always have.

Me: What is the book you're reading currently?

Elise: Right now, I'm re-reading "Normal People" by Sally Rooney. It's so good, I highly recommend it. But aside from reading, I like music a lot. Not as much as Bret, but I love to play a bit of piano whenever I have the time, and I also love to sing still. Even though I'm not in my old choir anymore.

Me: Why did you stop if you clearly loved doing it?

Elise: (sighs) It was a toxic environment for me… I needed a break from some of those people. I don't really want to get into it.

Me: Ooookay… (slightly concerned)

11) Do you have any pets?

Elise: No, and I've always wanted one! (pouts) It didn't even matter what it was! My parents aren't about that, though. Ugh! (pause) Maybe in the future, I'll get a puppy. I love dogs so much!

12) What sports do you play/have played?

Elise: None. (laughs) I've never been a sporty person.

13) How tall are you?

Elise: Five foot five. And a bit, depending on what shoes I'm wearing.

14) Favourite subject in school?

Elise: These questions are getting harder… (laughs) I don't know what my favourite subject is. I like all my subjects… I chose four subjects I really enjoy for A level. English Lit, Politics, History and Textiles. I like all of them for different reasons. Even when I struggle with one of them, and it is my least favourite one day, I can't bring myself to hate it… and it ends up being my favourite subject the next day.

Me: Well, tell me why you like all of your subjects.

Elise: Ok! So English Lit is because I love literature, as you may have inferred before from what I said about reading… Politics is because I just find that aspect of the world interesting, you know? I mean, I never used to, but once I started taking this class, I just found it fascinating. Just seeing how that stuff works. History was my strongest subject back when I did my GCSEs, so I was like "I have to do it again next year!" And Textiles… I don't know, I just find it peaceful. It's a chill subject to balance out the crazy intense ones. (laughs again)

15) Dream job?

Elise: In my dreams, I have all kinds of different jobs. Just last night I had a dream that I was this therapist, right, and all of my friends from work were coming into my office to ask for help with their love lives, despite the fact that I literally have no dating experience and am therefore the least qualified person to ask for help in that department. Man… why would you even go to your therapist just to ask about your love life anyway? Is that the only thing in your life that's bothering you?! The ONLY thing?!

Me: …That's not what I meant.

Elise: Yeah, I know. I just wanted to talk about my weird dream for a second. I don't know what my dream job is. As a child, my dream job was to be an author, like Cressida Cowell. I used to love her books growing up. I wanted to write just like her… create this huge epic fantasy series… have that series get turned into movies… but I couldn't come up with any original ideas. So I gave up.

Me: Awww…

Elise: Oh, it's okay. I still write a bit sometimes for fun. But in terms of an actual career, I'm stuck between two things - a lawyer, and a journalist.

Me: Two completely different things.

Elise: Yep. Lawyer because it's something I've been working towards all my life, pretty much. I mainly did it because my parents always said that it's a promising career to have. But journalism is just so fascinating to me. It's like being a writer, except you don't need to come up with original ideas. Plus, you get to explore the world, discover exciting new people and places and cultures and events… and tell stories that don't often get heard. It's like the career was made for me!

Me: It does, doesn't it? Well, I'm sure you'll make the right choice for yourself. Thanks for coming, Elise. This has been fun.

Elise: Of course! Thank you for having me.

END OF INTERVIEW.

__________

This was so much fun! I want to make this an open tag, but I'll just tag these three people to give it a go as well:

@rubywrite

@soph1333

@winterandwords

[aeternallis]

Colin's "entrapment" line was hard to listen to, but it was most definitely a sign of how unhinged he really is for Penelope.

Ok but for reals, I'm not sure how everyone else reacted when Colin said his now infamous "entrapment" line, but I just love how if one looks at this line a little more closely, it was definitely some semblance of an underhanded (and also a bit silly, lol) attempt to actually keep Penelope entrapped. Haha, the irony of it all. Idk, at least that was my read on it!

Like, it was definitely said in anger as well; he's hurting, and he’s hurting badly, so of course he wants to hit back in some way, however he can. Luke Newton absolutely meant it when he said that Colin reacts to the reveal in the worst way possible, alas.

My very first reaction to that scene: //pauses the screen to yell at Colin at 4am in the morning, “Entrapment????! If you feel trapped, then why the hell are you still going along with it, ya dumb ass!!!

Because really, think about it: Colin was definitely within his rights to call off the wedding, especially when he'd mentioned that Violet had noticed that he and Penelope had not seen each other for some time. It would have been the perfect time to reveal Penelope's secret to his mother, if indeed he felt entrapped by the LW of it all. Violet is family; if he wanted to still protect Penelope but no longer wanted to marry her, he would have been able to count on Violet's discretion. I'm sure she and Lady Danbury would have come up with some sort of plan to deal with the aftermath regarding the Bridgertons’ reputation, as we'd seen with Anthony and Edwina's botched wedding.

Furthermore, it would have probably been the better option to reveal it to her, since the existence of LW does put his family in danger; Penelope herself knows this. Every decision she makes post-LW reveal to Colin is due to the Bridgertons being in danger. Lady Danbury makes a point of this when she said in the last episode, “There is only one other person who loves the Bridgertons more than I.”

Eloise was able to keep the secret with no real consequences because although Penelope was her ex-bff, El still loves her, and besides that, nothing legal binds them as Colin's marriage to Penelope would.

Even when he was getting ready to talk to Benedict about getting funds to fulfill Cressida’s demands, he insisted on making up a lie to shield Penelope’s identity as LW. He knows more than anything that fulfilling a demand like this, all for the sake of his wife and at the cost of using a substantial amount of Bridgertons’ financial assets, may not put his marriage in the best light within his family. He doesn’t want to be forced to have to choose between his wife and his family, so he’s keen on keeping the lie going.

So for all intents and purposes, he doesn't tell his mother, or any of his other siblings (besides Eloise, who already knew); this in and of itself is hella fucking risky. The fact that Colin is willing to take this risk of withholding Penelope's secret identity from his family, the fact that he doesn't think to jeopardize this potentially risky betrothal—already goes to show the measure in regards to how much he wants Pen for his wife. We the audience know this because he waits until the very last minute to tell Violet, and even then, it's not Colin who chose to reveal it to her, but Penelope herself.

Another point: arguably, we can also say that Colin has a lot more wiggle room with his engagement to Penelope to call off the wedding, much more than he ever did with his engagement to Marina.

"A man of honor"? Exactly what "honor" are we talking about here? Colin claimed that he would have married Marina had she just told him the truth, yet when push came to shove and the truth of her pregnancy was revealed for all the world to know, he still chose to take the out Penelope gave him through LW. It’s easier to make a declaration like that when it’s all said and done. Lol Sure, he regretted it and apologized for his behavior later on, but he had made his choice regardless. Y’all can just feel Marina and Lady Danbury judging this dumb ass (affectionate) for dwelling in the past. Silly young man! XD What's stopping him this time around?

"We had been...intimate." Are you talking about the mirror scene, sir? Because let me assure you, you and Penelope have long been "intimate" way before you decided to buy a love nest and take her V-card the very next day you proposed to her. In fact, this is where the significance of their first kiss in 3.02 rings so, SO importantly and WHY it was vital that it was Penelope who asked and said that it would not have to mean anything. Colin knows Penelope would never use their first time together and/or the heated moment in the carriage as a way to entrap him. That first kiss alone should have already warranted that they get married, but Penelope makes it clear that it’s simply a favor, nothing more.

Oddly enough, I’m surprised Colin doesn’t bring up the idea of a long engagement (yknow, as he initially wanted with Marina, but who’s keeping track at this point), considering that would have potentially benefitted their situation. 🤔 His dumb ass (affectionate) was more than willing to stick to the wedding schedule…huh.

Besides all that, I don’t think it’s the showrunners’ intent to “taint” those special moments between them by changing the context through Colin’s (very biased) POV; to believe that to be the case would be, imo, just a bad faith argument. The genre is romance, y’all; these intimacy scenes are on an entirely different pedestal.

Because remember, that “entrapment” line of Colin’s only came about due to Penelope starting the conversation with, “Are you going to call off the wedding?”

Didn’t it almost seem like an afterthought, that he just came up with it on the spot? Hahaha.

I can bet y’all Cressida’s fake ass €20,000 blackmail money that before they’d met up to discuss wedding breakfast plans with their mamas, it had probably never even occurred to Colin to cancel their wedding. Angry and furious as he was, it was never a question of whether or not he still wanted Penelope for a wife.

The fact that it’s Penelope who begins that conversation and opens that Pandora’s box possibility is so, so damn important. Because not only does it show how much Penelope truly loves him in that she would never trap him, it also shows her maturity, in that she’s willing to face the consequences of her actions. She’s willing to give Colin the choice to back out, heartbreaking as it would be to face it, even if she herself would not be the one to pursue that choice.

She gives him the choice a good number of times: the wedding breakfast plan scene, the wedding day itself when she hesitates on the aisle, and the annulment offer after the butterfly scene.

Penelope defends herself softly, but truthfully: she never meant to entrap him, because she really didn’t. And Colin knows this; he would not still love her and want her if he honestly believed she wanted to entrap him. Hell, even if she did, the audience knows it’s a desire that comes from a good place: she loves him, so of course she doesn’t want to lose him. She wants to marry him, because she loves him. That’s all there is to it.

But despite knowing this (imo, anyway), we can also say that this conversation may have contributed to Colin’s downward spiral during the majority of episode 7 and 8, and why he becomes hella fucking desperate to be “useful” to her.

Because unlike himself, Penelope has now begun to entertain the idea of living a life that doesn’t include him—at least, not as her husband. Penelope is brave and strong enough to let him go due to the pain she caused him for her lies and her actions as LW, and as for Colin…well…

(I love it, it’s the same conundrum that Anthony faced in S2: Kate is strong enough to leave him behind and return to India, but Anthony…well…)

TL;DR, Colin’s entrapment line was literally an excuse he gave himself to keep his betrothal to Penelope intact. It’s a line that works in two ways simultaneously: it’s a painful, childish, underhanded thing to say in order to hurt Penelope’s feelings, to get back at her for the anguish he’s suffered. Yet at the same time, it’s also another excuse he gives himself in order to push through with the marriage, to tie Penelope to himself forever.

Because unlike Penelope, the very idea of living without her as his wife, of not having her in his life, is and always will be an impossible notion for Colin to ever entertain.

[tan1shere]

Ellie x anxious reader !

A/n: hi my beautiful people, it's currently 3 am.. and I have work in a few hours but we won't talk about that 😍 got this little idea since I'm an overly anxious person. Mine always creeps up righttt when I'm about to sleep, if you're like me. I get you, and honestly I hope some of you are so I don't feel so alone. Or whether you get it any time of the day (ditto, I just get it worse at night.) This one's for you !! Anyways, enjoy :)

Masterlist

♤ Your anxiety came in all shapes, forms, and sizes. Any time, all day sometimes everyday. It's always going to be there, but you've tried to learn to control it. Buttt when that's not the case your loving girlfriend is always there to ease your pesky brain.

♤ It would always happen at night, when you'd get off to sleep, at first you kept silent. You didn't want to bother, nor be a nuisance towards Ellie, but one night she noticed something off about you.

- you were stalling, making up excuses of things you forgot to do that day.

"Shit, the laundry-"

"Bubba, you can always do it tomorrow. Come lay down with me sweetheart."

- her gentle tone soon got to you and you told her.

"What's gotten into you?"

- the look she gave you was pure worry, concerned for your frantic behavior. Then when you kept inhaling these breaths, making then end in slight sighs she just needed to get whatever it was out of you.

"M-my-"

- you shake your head, you felt so stupid, you begin to put your head on your hands, she pries them away so softly, getting you to look at her as she placed her soft fingers on your cheek.

"Talk to me. Please? It's hurting me knowing something is bothering you so much."

- you could tell she meant it. You always felt like no one did, feeling silly about your anxiety, as that's what others made you think. That you were just being dramatic. A baby. You let out another breath.

"I get really anxious, about heaps of things, to the point where my brain feels like its on fire and I can't focus on anything properly. It gets worse at night time, so I try to make myself tired, knowing that if I lay down wide awake my thoughts will scatter."

- she listens carefully to what you have to say, she was always such a good listener.

"Why didn't you tell me baby."

"I was scared you'd think I was pathetic.."

- your head lowers but she immediately stops that from happening. Her eyes on yours as she begins to speak in a soft tone.

"You, my girl. Are one of the most bravest woman I know. To have to deal with such a thing all the time is huge, and the fact that I've never even witnessed it shows how truly brave you are. Though I wish you told me sooner, its awful holding such things in."

- her hand never leaves your face stroking your cheek. You melt into her touch, her voice and presence making you sleepy. Maybe that's all you needed? Her?

"I love you, Els."

"I love you so much more angel."

♤ One technique she uses on you is the 5 things game. 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. Which is always water that she gets for you.

- Youd just been having a panic attack, your emotions, your brain going mental. You felt like you couldn't breathe. When she heard something fall in the kitchen she came racing over to you. Your vision incredibly blury with a mixture of tears and whiteness from the light headedness.

"Hey hey, eyes on me."

- her voice was like silk, still in desperate need to calm you down.

"Come on baby."

- she would encourage you, moving your hand to her chest, trying to get you to calm down a tiny bit before she continued.

"5 things you can see."

- you'd take a second to respond not knowing if you could get words out, let alone forming a sentence.

"You.. *gulp* th- that glass.. that I just broke.."

- she didn't stop you rambling, the more words the better. She needed your mind far gone from any other thoughts.

"The counter, the sink. The early morning sky."

"Good good, 4 things you can feel. You got this mama."

- it'd keep going until you got to the last one, your brain was far from the original problem by then, but she needed you hydrated, knowing your mouth was also incredibly dry.

"Last but not least, one thing you can taste?"

- she grabs a fresh glass pouring water into it, giving it to you to drink. You take a good sip, letting it wet your mouth feeling so much more calm now.

"Water."

"That's my girl."

- she would always say that, making a smile spread across your face, you always felt so safe with her.

♤ Another one she will do on occasion is hold your hand gently, playing with your fingers and or rubbing small circles on your palm. Even when she holds your hand she will rub her thumb on the back of it. It distract you, calms you down. Especially if you're talking to someone, not only are you anxious but you're just genuinely awkward, so sometimes you freak out when talking to people. That's when she will grab it, letting you know she's there with you and there's nothing to worry about.

♤ yawning. You would always yawn when you felt short of breath, whenever you felt uneasy in your chest yawning seemed to help with that. Ellies noticed all your techniques over the years of being with you. Sometimes it made her feel like she couldn't help you in any way and it got to her, you'd assure her that you were fine but she knows that was far from the truth.

♤ so she studied your helping mechanisms, one was something hot on your chest, like a heating pack. It calmed you right down. Ellie even Googled some other things to try help. She once noticed after you had drunk a little bit that the type of alcohol seemed to make you sleepy.

- she was typing away at her computer when she came across something that said some alcohols can get you sleepy.

"Whatcha doin Els?"

- your soft voice was heard as you enter the room, her eyes meet yours.

"Just some research baby."

-she flashes you a smile, going to continue. You return the smile, going out the room to leave her be. As she continues to read articles, she found a home remedy to help with sleep, and anxiety. It was quite simple. Ellie came back downstairs and began to make it in a tiny bottle. She also read lavender was good for sleep, grabbing some oil of the scent from the cupboard, and putting a bit on the heating pack.

-you were in the living room, watching TV when she comes in super happy. Finally she could help you.

"What's this?"

"I made some things to help you sleep. These drops will help, put three on your tongue every night, and this heat pack. Which! Has some lavender oil rubbed into it."

- she ends her explanation off with a toothy smile, feeling so proud of herself. It only made you smile, feeling the secure feeling you'd always feel with her. She truly was your world.

:))

[pantheresssy]

Spending Nights (Abby Anderson/ Reader)

Hello!

This is part 2 of ‘casual’! You can find part 1 in this masterlist! It took me so much time to write this but i did it, im rlly sorry, studying is making my creativity go away. Enjoy!!!

Synopsis: Your friendship with Ellie becomes stronger as you both get to know each other better. From the other side, Abby wasn’t dealing with this too well.

warnings: marijuana use (els), non graphic smut, too much abby and not much of els, angst angst, getting into toxic!abby.

“It smells like shit,”

Blowing the smoke on the air and, for consequence on your face, Ellie looked at you with a smirk. Her eyes were blurred and couldn’t stay in the same place for too long, in a trance with the sensations of marijuana. “But it makes me so fu-cki-ng good. Try.”

You pushed her hand away from your face and twisted your nose, feeling that the smell would make you sick and stick to your hair and clothes. You were in her dorms, with the notebook where she writes her songs open on your lap. Somewhere in the middle of your reading, you discovered a few more things she wrote. Small poetry’s. Most of them were sad, about unrequited loves, death, sadness of abandonment and the loss of a parental love. They were tragically tragic, but still beautiful.

Ellie looked over your shoulder, following your reading. Smiling when you turned your page to see the sweetest song you had ever come close to. She was a real talent, just like you had imagined when you first meet her. “I’ll write one for you.”

“If it’s as good as this one, I’ll say please.” She made a face and leaned back on her seat, taking the marijuana into her mouth.

Ellie blowed and talked at the same time. “This is the worst I’ve written since I started.”

You dismissed her words, outraged by what she had said. When you told her it was the ‘best one she had so far’ she looked a bit offended and gave you a full list of why it was her worst composition. Ellie explained to you all of her creative work and, by the end, you thought you knew more about songs than about your own classes. It was interesting seeing how her eyes shone and her voice became more happy. You could see that she really loved doing what she did.

When you went back to your doorms, not long after, you did with a smile. She really was a great friend, person, and writer. It was curious for you how she gad opened up about what she liked so quickly after knowing you for barely a whole week. But it was good.

The rest of your day, you enjoyed with one of your many books. Laying in bed with it on your chest, being dragged by the words. That’s why, when a knock sounded on your door, you opened it without checking who it was. Thinking it could be Dina — (or Ellie) — you never looked away from the page you were reading, only finding out who truly was when she spoke for the first time.

“Can we talk?” Abby said. At that moment, you regretted not asking who it was first. It’s been days since you last saw her, and you would be laying to yourself if you say that this wasn’t broking your heart even more, but you tried to ignore.

Holding your breath, you swallowed hard before answering: “No. I… I’m not in the mood for talking right now.” Deep down you wanted it, so when you kept talking, you wanted to slap yourself. “Maybe later.”

Abby stepped closer when you make a move to close the door, quickly trying to stop you. And it worked. “I saw you at the party.” There it comes. “Who is she?”

You raised an eyebrow. She had no right to be there questioning you, as if she deserved something. “I’m surprised you went, you never liked those things.” A small pause, “But I guess I should’ve had imagined, you have changed so much in a short time.”

She bit the inside of her cheek and you knew she was looking for what to say next. “Owen invited me”, And oh… oh.

Of course he did. You felt silly, a completely idiot. She never went with you when you asked, always making sure you knew how much she hated going to these things. But with him, that part never really mattered. “I’m glad he managed to change your mind.”

“He didn’t,” She said quickly. “I hated going there. You know this, Y/n. I… I hated even more when I saw you with her.”

An ironic laugh escaped you and you looked at the ground already feeling the tears filling your waterline, obstructing your vision. Abby was the proudest person you had ever seen and, when she said that, you realized that she was there not because she missed you, or because she wanted to apologize for everything she did, but for some jealousy of seeing you with someone other than her. You had to mourn her for the time she thought it was necessary, waiting until she wanted to come and talk to you correctly. Like at that moment.

It was a cycle that she had created and you couldn’t leave. On other occasions the same had happened, but not like that, with a fight so big as that one. You two have never been more than a few hours without talking to each other, and it’s been a long time.

You started poking your thumb, an attempt to keep everything you felt inside you through the soft pain. “You don’t own me any explanations.”

Abby denied. “I do, yes.“

“Look…” You started, letting transpire in your voice and face how tired you were of going around so many times, only to ended up in the same place. “We had the same conversation that day, you said what you wanted to say, what you felt-“

She interrupted you. “I didn’t.”

“So i am asking you to leave.”

As the last word came out of your mouth, you saw her posture fall. She looked sad, worried and younger, totally vulnerable and open for you. And you hated that you felt yourself softening. “Abby,”

She reached out for you and took your hand. You felt the urge to pull off her grip, but gave up in the last second. “Give me one chance.”

Swallowing, you watched as her fingers went to the inner part of your pulse, and you squeezed your eyebrows together. She was close, so close and God, it was good to feel her there. Your walls and anger were down as soon as she stepped even further after seeing your reaction, her lips touching yours.

And you did no move to push her.

Abby was fully inside of your room and closed the door with her feet while her hands gripped your wrist. You joined your lips more to hers, sighing heavily when you realized that you would not be able to let her out, even if you fought with all your strength against your will. Your arms wrapped around her neck and you two walked blindly to your bed, you sitting on the end while she was still standing in front of you, her back bent the kiss wouldn’t end. And you moaned, a sound that came from the back of your throat that seemed so desperate, wanting. But Abby smiled in enjoyment — (and proud).

Your shirt quickly came out of your body, then the rest of your clothes. She pulled you to the middle of the bed and started to kiss, lick and grope each part of you she could reach. Your noises only got louder, this time being followed by hers. And when her fingers went inside you, touching that spongy place that made you see stars, you felt your body shake with goosebumps. You couldn’t deny it anymore, you loved her and loved the way she made you feel.

You were lost on the fog of your orgasm, your mouth was open, trying to catch air for your lungs. She fell at your side on the bed, one of her arms supporting her head while the other supported yours. With the corner of your eye, you could see the smile she held and turned for her, placing your hand on her chest. You could regret it later, being so close to her, so open, letting yourself go so easily. But at that moment, you couldn’t think of anything else but being with her like that for the rest of your days. That’s why, when the words came out of your mouth, you didn’t stop them.

“I missed you,”

She hummed, taking your chin and pulling you into a light kiss. “Me too.” She said. “It was a torture, being away from you and seeing you with… Ellis… Ellie?”

You licked your lips, feeling her taste. “Ellie. Dina introduced us at that party. She’s great. She showed me the songs she writes today.”

Abby’s face fell into something darker, heavier. Jealousy shone back on her and you sank your nails on her skin, trying to pull her back. You knew that if you allowed it, that moment would turn into a discussion just like the other day or worse. She was territorialist and you hated it, especially after having fought with you because of your jealousy and insecurities. “I don’t like her.”

“Do you like anyone?” You asked, fun shining in your eyes and voice.

She kissed you one, two, three times. “You.” With her statement, you smiled big. Abby stroked your cheek, whispering her next words: “Just… can you stay away from her? For me, please.”

Just like that, your expression twisted in a grimace. “That’s why you’re here? To fuck me and try to say with who you want me to hangout with?” You got up and started to put your clothes back on. “Get out, Anderson.”

She faced you. “She clearly wants you, Y/n.” You laughed indignantly. “I won’t let her fuck with you.”

“Like you did that day? She won’t do it, Abby. And you know why? Because Ellie doesn’t hide what she feel, she doesn’t yell and curse when a problem pops up.” Your chest gasped with your words said in one breath. “Leave, now. You’ve stayed too much already.”

You pointed to the door, lowering your head and listening to her wear her clothes. Abby walked up to you and stopped in front of you. “I fucking tried to do this better. You can’t blame me now.”

How much you hated that situation, to be dragged by those words. The pain you felt before was nothing compared to the one you felt at that moment. “That’s all that matters to you, isn’t it? Making me feel bad so you can go over me?”

“I fucking like you, Y/n! That’s why I don’t want you with her.” Her finger wrapped around a lock of your hair and gave a slight pull.

You walked away and rubbed your hands on your face. “And you show it by trying to put someone I like as a friend away? Just go, Abby.”

“I ain’t giving up on you.”

She left with one last look and you closed the door as soon as she passed through the threshold, sniffling when the tears fell and your body was shaken with strong hiccups. You felt nothing but stupid. You knew that at some point everything would go down, but you didn’t knew it would be so quick, — not after everything.

You really thought that things would settled down, after just a few minutes and a moment with her at the bed. You thought you would go back to spending nights with her, smiling and kissing. Abby could make a fool out of you so easily. Sometimes you think you might hate her.

And this is the end!

I really wish I could write more than 2k but at some point I just start to repeat words/expressions and I have a tick with this. Hope you had enjoyed this ride and be patient with me for part 3 plss it will come out! Thank you for all of your comments!! As always, I’m sorry for any mistake.

taglist: @pinkpanther-44, @elsmissingfingers, @sofi4v13, @bready101, @mattxxamryli.

[reysdriver]

Meeting The Dad | E.M.

Your police chief dad insists on meeting your misfit boyfriend, so you bring Eddie over for dinner — eddie x fem!hopper!reader fluff

warnings: just a stressful dinner and a mention of eddie dealing drugs

words: 1.2k

Eddie always insisted on getting out of the van first so he could open the door for you. After telling him it’s not necessary about a million times, you just gave up and let him do it. 

You exhaled while it was just you in the car, waiting for him to walk around to your side. This dinner was nerve-wracking, but you didn’t want to show how nervous you were to Eddie and potentially scare him away. 

When the passenger side door opened, you smiled at Eddie as he took the takeout bag from you and helped you down the step. 

“So,” Eddie wondered as you started walking along the forest floor. “Remind me again why we have to do this? Your dad and I have already met.”

“Because the situations in which you two met weren’t… the most desirable. We want to show him that you’re a respectable person and a great boyfriend to his daughter.” 

Eddie took an exaggerated step over a fallen branch on the ground. “It’s not like he’s going to change his mind about me.”

“But we can try getting him to see you differently.” You told him. “So that means you have to be on your best behaviour, remember?”

He rolled his eyes jokingly. "Shake his hand, call him 'Mr. Hopper’, and keep my elbows off the table. I remember all your training"

“Eds, I’m serious. I really want him to like you.” 

He understood that you were nervous and dropped the teasing. “I know. I want it as much as you do, really. I promise I’ll try as hard as possible to become best friends with your dad.”

You laughed at that. “Well, you don’t have to get that close to him.”

“Oh, we’re gonna be super close. Soon, I’ll spend more time hanging with him than I do with you. He’ll let me sit in the front seat of his cop car as we cruise around town and share embarrassing stories about you.”

Now it was your turn to roll your eyes. You both continued walking towards your cabin, and you pointed at the ground a few feet ahead of you. “There’s the tripwire, we have to go over that.”

“I know about the tripwire, sweetheart. How do you think I sneak in to see you?”

You lowered your voice to explain. “I know. I’m pointing at it in case my dad is watching from the window or something. We don’t need him knowing about you sneaking in through my window.”

“She’s too smart for me!” Eddie spoke dramatically into the forest. “Another reason I can’t slack in making a good impression with her father.”

You giggled at him as you both stepped up onto your porch. You took one deep inhale before opening your front door to reveal your dad and sister on the couch waiting for you. Your dad stood up and started walking to you with an unreadable expression, Eleven following closely behind. 

“We’re here, and with food!” You said after Eddie shut the door behind the two of you. “Dad, El, this is Eddie. Eddie, this is my dad, and that’s my sister.”

Your boyfriend held out his hand to share a handshake with your dad. “Thank you so much for inviting me over, Mr. Hopper. It’s good to meet you in a different setting than we have before.”

He took his hand and spoke slightly more grumpily than you had hoped. “Yeah. It’s a pleasure.”

They broke the handshake and your dad moved out of the way, leaving Eddie and Eleven face to face. 

“I know you.” She said to Eddie. 

He and you both went slightly wide-eyed, remembering what happened a few weeks ago when Eddie snuck in at night. He came to show you his most recent tattoo—among other things—and your little sister had walked into your room to find you making out with a shirtless Eddie when she got up to get a midnight snack and heard voices behind your door. You had explained that you and Eddie were just playing a game but she couldn’t tell Hopper about what she saw. 

She agreed not to say anything, but now she was forgetting her promise and you had to cover it up quickly. 

“Yeah, you’ve probably seen him around town. Anyways, we brought waffles for you and we don’t want them to get cold, so let’s sit down to eat and you can figure out where you’ve seen Eddie later, okay?”

Eddie put the takeout bag on the table and sat down in the seat next to yours that you had gestured to a second ago. There were plates on the table for you already, so you started taking out the takeout boxes from the bag and handing them out. 

“El, here’s your waffles. Eds, here’s our burgers. And, Dad, we got you a steak. Benny threw in extra fries but I got him to add vegetables for you too.”

He was obviously displeased. “Oh, yay. My daughter’s drug dealer boyfriend and I get a bunch of steamed vegetables? Best dinner ever.”

You chose to ignore his attitude, and you placed a calming hand on Eddie’s thigh. “You know, Dad, Eddie actually has a real job. He just started at the music store in the new mall. Right, Eds?”

Eddie dropped the fry in his hands before answering. “Yeah, I mean, I’m mostly just a stock boy, but at least it’s honest work.”

“And you’re saving?” Your dad asked. “Planning to move away, buy a house? At least pay off those student loans?”

There it was, the part you didn’t want to explain to your family. You avoided eye contact as you spoke. “Actually, Dad. Eddie doesn’t have student loans. He’s not going to college yet.” 

“So, you’re both about to take a gap year?”

“Not exactly.” Eddie told him. “I’m staying at Hawkins High for another year. I just have a few credits left, but it’ll happen. Third time’s the charm, right?”

“This is gonna be your third senior year?” Your dad asked, looking surprised. 

Even Eleven joined in. “That’s six years of high school!”

“Yeah, it is. Unfortunately, I didn’t put a lot of my focus into school, so I wasn’t always the best student. But I’m almost there.” 

You were so scared about how your family would react to this information. Obviously, you didn’t care that Eddie was a year older but still in high school; you were just so proud of him for sticking to it and trying. You winced as your dad started to laugh. 

“I guess I don’t need to worry about you running off with my daughter anytime soon ‘cause where the hell are you gonna go?” 

You were about to tell him off for being mean about your boyfriend’s education journey, but Eddie sensed this and held your hand under the table. In fact, he seemed to find it funny too. 

“No, sir. Not going anywhere yet.” Eddie responded. “In fact, I’ll even stay for a fourth year if it’ll put your mind at ease about me.” 

You realised you were still holding your breath from when your dad asked the question, and you finally exhaled calmly. Maybe this dinner wouldn’t be as intimidating as you thought.

[barblaz-arts]

Stephanie Beatrice had played my 3 favorite characters (Rosa Mirabel and Vaggie) and since I watched Encanto and B99 I have my head canon that Vaggie have both Rosa and Mirabel personalities.

Any way, I just want to know what is your head canon or theory about her? ( specifically about Lute calling her weak and why the other exorcist hate her)

Since she is your girl, I would love to read your essay about her.(I’m joking you don’t have to write that much I just like to read your post)

Thank you

"My girl"... Am I just "that one artist who's the biggest Vaggie stan" to you guys? (I won't mind it!)

Oh man! I do have some ideas! A lot of my headcanons were already kinda sorta mentioned in my fic/art tho, so sorry if you're not getting a lot of new info

- I have this headcanon that Vaggie's always been "softer" than the other Exorcists, which is what I assume Lute meant when she said she "always knew [Vaggie] was weak". I know it probably has more to do with how little time each episode has, but what if Lute was so ready, already behind Vaggie when she let that kid go, because she knew this wasn't the first time Vaggie spared a sinner? Maybe that was just the first time Lute actually caught her. Maybe she's always had her suspicions, when Vaggie's kill count would lower every year, and she'd sometimes find Vaggie saying a sinner got away somehow despite cornering that demon moments ago.

- although she's gotten used enough to her lack of depth perception when it comes to her hand eye coordination, especially when fighting, i like to think her reading ability could never truly go back to the way it used to be, so she has trouble reading/ writing/texting (if you notice, i always showed instances of this in my fic ;> )But because she's the hotel manager she still has to deal with them because of paperwork and shit, so she has prescription glasses that help. I'd wanted to include a scene in the First Guest where Vaggie almost cries after seeing Charlie thru the glasses for the first time, because she didn't think Charlie could be any more beautiful, but i scrapped the idea because I couldn't expand the concept enough to an actual scene that could be relevant to the overall fic. I probably should have just mentioned it in a paragraph or something, but by the time i remembered id already posted the chapter I intended to add it in. Maybe I'll use it for another fic.

- she prefers femme clothing so she doesn't really have a reason to do this, but she learned how to do all kinds of ties so that she could do Charlie's whenever

- she grew her hair to compensate for her lost wings

- she wasn't exactly a great cook before she Fell, but she was pretty capable when she lived alone in Heaven. Cooking for Charlie tho gave her the motivation to get better and actually enjoy it

- an angel trait that she could never truly abandon is being a stickler for rules. She's very strict on everyone and herself with these things, within reason. So even when she and Charlie started dating, she insisted that they can't sleep together until they've had their third date. When they're on the clock, they have to be professional and avoid flirtatious advances in front of staff and guests. Charlie didn't mind because she prefers privacy too.

- Vaggie's physical appearance slightly changed gradually the longer she stayed in hell. As an angel, her sclera was paler, her incisors duller, and her skin grayer. But as time passed, her sclera got more and more peach/pink, fangs sharper, and skin more purple toned

- i still like to think that Vaggie's old backstory back when only the pilot was out (having died in 2014 in her early twenties who worked as a sex worker in El Salvador) was still true. Maybe it's just because I've liked Chaggie since pilot, and I've grown really attached to that backstory. I also just really don't want Vaggie to be Heavenborn for some reason. Among the cast she just seems the most grounded to reality to me, so having her revealed to have never been human and born "divine" just doesn't seem right to me. I also just think it'd be cute and funny if it turns out she's chronologically the youngest in the hotel even tho she's basically everyone's strict not-mom.

- idgaf what Adam says, I wanna think that "Vaggie" is short for "Evangeline". I used to have these 2 coworkers in their late 50's to 60's who had Evangeline as their government name, but one of them goes by "Vanj" and the other "Vajee". Being older Filipino women who aren't really too fluent in English, they never thought there was anything wrong with that when they grew up with their nicknames. I like to think that the case was the same if Vaggie used to be human. I'm not sure how common English is in El Salvador, but I'm willing to bet it's possible she could have been given that nickname as a kid by an older family member who didn't know a lot of English. Also Evangeline makes more sense to have been the name of an angel cmon now...

[whetstonefires]

Do you have any opinions on Scholomance?

I do! I like it a lot. I really enjoyed all three books, blitzed through them easily and was much more excited to see how the plots unfolded than I'm used to these days, as a jaded adult, and I also really appreciated them as works of craft.

Especially the first one, I spent the whole time being all 'wow!' at how simple it was. So easy to read, but no waste. You really need to know what you're doing, to get that kind of pared-down elegance of form to work and still fit so much content in.

Like these are dense, there's a fantastic stylistic minimalism that allows El's character all the space it needs to breathe by making absolutely every other thing and person in the whole novel also do character work for her, which is exactly where the first person voice shines.

Also great use of character perspective to make the pacing feel really natural, so the fact that the first book takes three weeks, the second book takes one year, and the third book is like. Five or so incredibly stressful days spread out over the course of a few weeks? Doesn't feel imbalanced.

I actually got distracted from the story a few times by noticing the strength of Novik's technique. 😂 This is a me problem, in itself it's the opposite of distracting. Very low-profile.

I think the Scholomance is a great example of how far you can go in specfic when you aren't cringing from the label 'derivative,' because the Scholomance books feel very fresh ad clean specifically because nothing in them is concerned with standing out as 'original,' whatever that's supposed to mean, only with being well-executed and suitable to its task.

Hm, maybe that's where Liesel was born, the intersection of the efficient narrative style and the vast proportion of the story that concerns the maximization of utility and the instrumentalization of persons by themselves and others, and the forces that incentivize these behaviors. Or maybe she's just the narrative counterweight to Orion 'Head Empty' Lake lmao. How's that for a principle of balance, Galadriel?

I really did enjoy how beautifully it was laid out, over and over, in dozens of shades of humanity, how no matter where you go in an exploitative system almost everyone is being driven by the same survival instincts.

Because I don't think I've ever seen made so cleanly clear why you just can't expect any person or small group of people, no matter their level of goodwill or status, to unmake one of these systems from the inside; how it's not a matter of people being bad but of every single person being very...small.

And then not retreating into the idea of a person who is Big coming and breaking the cruel system from the outside as some kind of panacea, because 1) that is terrible, even if it's necessary and done in the best way possible and 2) that's not a sustainable answer to anything. Getting a balance between the protagonist being able to effect change and not subscribing to the great man theory of history can be really tricky!

Also did I mention, I love El, and I love most of the cast, even the dreadful ones. How am I going around with this many feelings about Li Shanfeng who doesn't appear until the actual climax?

The romance murdered me a bit, but it took up no more space than it absolutely needed to do its job, and I respect that. Also I appreciated Orion as a love interest; Novik has a slight record at this point of a version of that style of male love interest who's like a caricature of Mr. Darcy but old, which was shaping up to be my least favorite thing about her body of work.

...Orion is kind of like if you took the human king from Spinning Silver and gave him an alignment flip come to think of it, so he's not coming out of nowhere. Lmao.

Which reminds me (re: romance character typing) I've heard Novik didn't want it to be known she was astolat, which this series has renewed my sympathies if so. Because if I were a published novelist I wouldn't want people going 'you know, that resolution was really emotionally satisfying! reminds me of that fic she wrote where optimus prime and megatron get stuck in a hole underground and hatefuck about it.'

I don't even like Transformers. That fic almost made me cry. Actually I suspect it reads better if you don't like Transformers because I'm sure it does not give a shit about canon.

Anyway, whoever pointed out that one of the things El has going on is she's Enoby (and we're going to sit down and explore what the true reason to put your middle finger up at preps is, and what are some constructive ways to channel that socioeconomic wrath, and what it means that there is no ethical consumption under capitalism) was right and I'm not entirely over that either.

Fucking love El's mom as a character. Spectacular level of parent relevance and usefulness. A+.

Aadhya and Liu are also characters who fucking delivered.

Re: minimalism though, I laughed at the start of The Golden Enclaves when I realized that none of the enclaver characters who'd gotten development in the the first two books were from London, the enclave El was theoretically shooting for when we met her.

[pythoness94]

Honestly? i think it would make more sense for Vecna to go after Mike then Will at the point. NOW NOW, let me explain. Okay? Listen, we all know Vecna is gunning for Will, we know he wants Will either gone or for something else. However, in every plan, every time Venca gets his grubby mitts on Will, there is something that steps in his way. Mike, Mike found El and convinced her to find Will. Mike stopped the possession. Mike figured out how to do the sauna test and played a big part in season 3. In season 4 he helped pull El out of the possession (all be it poorly, and barely, he sucked ass but it's fine, he has internalized homophobia.), drove across the country to get back to Hawkins. Like, honestly, don't you find it kinda weird that the Venca shit started to happen the MOMENT Mike was out of Hawkins, and only Mike? Mike is important to every single party member, even Jonathan and Steve to an extent. Even the people Mike isn't really connected with (Robin) he's connected with the people they're connected with (Dustin.) The ONLY person Mike isn't fully connected to is Max and Vecna took her off the board early, not just to lower moral but to take off the only other potential leader that wouldn't COMPLETELY fall apart if Mike was to die.

If Mike was to die, the entire house would crumble with him. Will would fall apart (Which is just what Vecna wants.) Nancy and the entire Wheeler and Byer family would too. Nancy because her vision came true and she couldn't protect him and the Byers not only because Mike is like a third son to them, but because of the lost of Will that would come with it. Dustin would fall because he already lost Eddie, then he would lose everybody else in one fail swoop if Mike was to die. Lucas, same reason and he lost Max. El? even if they aren't dating, Mike is important to her. Mike was the first person to see El HAS a person and not just a means to an end. He gave her a name that wasn't a number. El would not only lose the party, her best friend (Max) and her first friend ever. (Mike.) El would lose everyone. Mike is so interconnected to the party that he is the support beams; you take out the supports and the house falls with it. Venca KNOWS that. So, hear me out, Will wandering off isn't him getting fully possessed but a vision like Nancy had. He's taunting Will, he's going "Keep an eye on your heart or else you'll lose it." so that way when he swipes Mike away, and Mike would be vulnerable more so to Vecna because he lost Holly, Will would be EVEN more guilty and therefore exactly where Vecna wants him.

I think Vecna would go. "alright, this kid keeps fucking up my plans, he keeps figuring everything out and bringing everyone with him, he keeps bringing Will and El back. I'm going to torment the fuck out of him and monitor him at all times until I can get rid of him." I have no clue how church gate would fit into this, but I just know that it would make the most sense for Mike to get beamed by Vecna.

[dark-frosted-heart]

Roger Barel Main Route - Chapter 15 His POV

As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this. I’m doing this for archiving purposes and you can probably find a better translation out there.

It seemed like there could never be peace in this world.

Elbert: …

Roger: Yo, El. Have you seen the ‘lil lady around? I wanted to get her to do some work for me, but haven’t seen her for a while.

Elbert: Roger. Listen to me calmly.

It’s possible that Kate was kidnapped.

—In an instant, all sounds ceased.

Roger: Kate? What do you mean?

Ellis: What you just said, is it true…?

I turned around and saw Jude and Ellis who had just come back from work.

Jude: The princess got kidnapped? By who?

Elbert: I’m not sure. Earlier in the garden, a coachman came up to me looking terribly disturbed.

He said that he dropped Kate off not far from the cemetery, but no matter how long he waited, she never came back.

He went to go look for her, but only found Ale.

Here, he gave me this.

He handed me a piece of paper with “I’ll be back soon” written in Kate’s handwriting.

Ellis: Kate wanted to go leave flowers on the grave of the Cursed One who passed a few days ago.

She said she’d take a carriage and be back before sundown, so she’d be fine.

Jude: That’s Saint Cemetery. Got a road so narrow that carriages pass through.

Somethin’ must’ve the moment she got out.

Elbert: We don’t know what happened, but we can’t waste any time. What do we do, Roger?

If Kate never comes back.

If I never hear her voice or see her smile again, I…

Elbert: …Roger?

Elbert waved his hand in front of my face, bringing me back to reality.

Roger: …

Ellis: Roger, are you okay?

Roger: Yeah…sorry. Just…a little shaken.

Elbert and Ellis: …(°ロ°)

I was having some trouble processing my emotions, confused.

(I’ve had these feelings before, not once)

I took a deep breath to calm myself, eyes now focused.

Roger: This likely has something to do with the recent incidents.

Let’s tell Victor first and then gather the rest of Crown.

--

When news of Kate’s disappearance broke, all of Crown assembled.

It was determined that it was highly likely Kate was involved in the incidents targeting young people.

Based on where the victims had gone missing, possible bases were identified.We split into four teams and set out to search each location.

--

Paired up with Jude, I ran down to the basement to get my hunting rifle.

—But, when the spare bullets tumbled out of my hand, I realized that for the first time, I was still shaken up.

(...Damn it, I need to calm down)

Since joining Crown, I’ve gone through hell so many times.

I’ve witnessed many deaths.

Death wasn’t something I was afraid of. Since I’ve been surrounded by it, I’ve grown used to it.

…Still.

(I think I'm afraid of losing her)

(I think she’s the only one I can’t afford to lose)

(There’s a reason why only one person was an “exception”)

Suddenly, some notes on my desk caught my attention. They were notes that Kate would occasionally leave.

~~

—Roger, I’ve left some food for you. If you don’t eat properly, I’m going to scold you later!

—Roger, do you want to go on a walk together this evening? Come find me when you’re done with work.

Roger, Roger, Roger…

~~

I had always believed that romantic love didn’t exist in this world.

I thought that what people called romantic love was just a dysfunction of the brain or a misunderstanding caused by sexual desire.

However, I already knew why my emotions were in a disarray without rhyme or reason.

(Ah, so that’s it)

(Looks like the lil’ lady’s already taught me about romantic love after all)

(Does she feel the most special to me?)

“I won’t despair”——Those words that she threw out into the world drew me toward her.

“I want to be strong”——I was charmed by that earnest, hardworking gaze.

“I want you to like me”——I was hit with an ardent emotion that burned my heart.

(...Damn it, I’m not gonna let you get away after teaching me these annoying feelings)

I strapped my rifle to my back and pocketed the bullets. 

An unprecedented passion seethes in my chest.

Roger: …I’m coming for you. Wait for me, Kate. Don’t you dare die.

[sourbinnie]

☆ beso.mp3 ☆

♡ genre ¿? ♡ -> fluff ♡ pair ¿? ♡ -> ot8!skz x gn!reader ♡ plot ¿? ♡ -> voicemails they leave you when they miss you on tour. ♡ warnings ¿? ♡ -> cursing ; no use of (y/n) ♡ request ¿? ♡ -> nope

a/n: short one but sweet one, hope yall like it:) haven't written "voicemails" in a while!

yo quiero que me de' otro beso

"baby, baby i miss you so fucking much. i might be a little drunk and a little needy as a treat but i can't help but think of you and i need you here. it's been too fucking long since i've last seen you even if we speak to each other every day, i can't get enough of you. i need to hold you and kiss you, feel you against me whatever way you want it to be of course. i don't know why i suddenly got the need to just be buried in your arms and for you to hold me tight, hope i can see you soon and tell you that i love you because i can't take it anymore. goodnight darling..." 

- voicemail from hyunjin.

uno de esos que tú me da'

"i need your kiss. i know it's abrupt to start a voice message like this but i've been wanting to kiss you ever since i left and i gave you the last one at the airport. i hope i get all of the kisses i deserve when i come back and that you're taking care of our children. i hope you know that i miss you so much and that even if i don't show it at times, i've been so clingy for your affection. i can't wait to cuddle you again, to hug you and not let you. like i said before, save all those kisses for me because i'm coming for them all when i get back and you will not get rid of me."

- voicemail from minho.

estar lejos de ti e' el infierno

"i'm not used to being this far away from you. maybe i'm not the most affectionate person or the one that says the most romantic things but i feel the need to show you that i still love you. i want you forever and ever, no turning back now because i knew when i found you that i would want what you make me feel for the rest of my life. right now it's hell being away and not having your embrace, your eyes looking at me or your sweet kiss on my cheek. i want to hear you say that you're proud of me after every show. i just need to hear you again or i'll go insane."

- voicemail from seungmin.

'tar cerca de ti es mi paz

"it's been stressful and i feel it even more now that we're far. i remember when i had to go to australia and i wanted to take you so bad, it's the same today. i want you here and for you to experience what i live for, what i'm passionate about and what i need. but i also need you, need your love and affection because it's the one thing that keeps me calm. when i'm burying myself in work and drowning, you're there to take my hand and i think i haven't been appreciative enough of it. so thank you, i love you to the moon and back baby."

- voicemail from chan.

y es que amo siempre que llegas

"how long till we see each other again? i want you. i wanna be with you right now yet we're so far, i don't wanna forget you so i keep reminding myself of your habits. your smile follows me everywhere i go and it shines so bright, your eyes are the only ones i look for in the crowd. i wish you could come by one day, i wanna see you there supporting me and having the time of your life with your friends. you would look so cute in our merch and with our lightstick that i'm almost getting you tickets to the next show. we'll see what i can do baby."

- voicemail from felix.

y odio cuando te vas

"i had a dream, well it was more like me remembering how we said goodbye. i fucking hated it and i don't wanna live that ever again, next time you're coming with me to every part of the world that i'll take you. i want you right beside me, i want to see you and just be captivated by your beauty because that happens every time i take a look at you. you can call me cheesy all you want but i'm so in love with you and i know we haven't talked about it but i need to buy a ring soon. spoiling the surprise? yeah but i don't care, i hope you say yes though."

- voicemail from changbin.

yo me voy contigo a matar

"i might be too young for love like a lot of people say. i might be a little too naive or too persistent but when i approached you for the first time, i knew i would do anything for you. even right now when we're in a relationship, i feel the need to please you, to love you, to show you that you're worth it because you are so much more than what you show. i didn't see a future where i would be loved but right now i can see us everywhere and i think that's the thing i miss about you the most. i'll do anything to have you here so i'll try my best to get you something, alright?"

- voicemail from jeongin.

no me dejes solo, ¿pa' dónde vas, pa' dónde vas?

"i haven't been alone in such a long time. i'm used to having your presence by my side 24/7 and now it's weird not seeing you beside me. i know i have everyone from the boys to the crew but i miss my sunshine, you know? i miss the one that keeps me going. yeah i never told you that but you're the reason i wake up every day as happy as i am. even right now the bed feels so cold without you and it's not the same as the one at home, if only i could close the distance. i think i would hug you, kiss you and love you like i haven't done before..."

- voicemail from jisung.

[suenitos]

I need someone to explain the !cdnf lore to me 😔

oh my godddddd how do i even go about this... so much of this is like you had to be there but i'll try my best ok. here are some things that helped me tremendously while writing:

cdnf manifesto (pretty much all cdnf moments compiled into one document with streams attached)

some cdnf moments

cdnf is an interesting case because it kinda emerged a little bit before the time the separation between Lore (plot) and Real Life officially happened (in my opinion this is when dream put out the please use c! to refer to our characters tweet) where a lot of the fandom attitude towards rpf was still being kinda weirded out by it, so a lot of people were drawing dnf "as a dare"/"because i lost a bet" and infamously "only shipping the minecraft skins" slash characters. previous to this/around the time of fundy's wedding video there was no real culture surrounding shipping most characters in a serious immersive way according to the story really up until the election and around the november 16 event. everything earlier than the explicitly described roleplay is kinda shaky at best in being considered canon, except for the kingdom line where cdream tells cgeorge that he will be the next king once they take back the land from lmanburg. theres also someee moments where theyre protective of each other during this war as cgeorge had always been on the side of the americans, kinda like irl which is a common theme in why a lot of people find this relationship fascinating. like. the rituals. we were still in dreams "straight" arc mind you.

a lot of the canon relationship relies mostly on the protective knight and king dynamic around late 2020 in which cdream crowns cgeorge king after he deems him more neutral to every conflict going on in canon over ceret, because of the running joke that irl george slept through every major event and he was building a mushroom house during the november 16 event. the big thing to remember about george is he wasnt super into the rp as much as dream was and we didnt see a ton of designated lore streams from him as a result, leading him to incorporate his sleepy/inactive nature as part of his character to sort of "excuse" him from a lot of the plot and from interacting with other characters. this was later though, but during the time of king/knight cdream was shown to be very protective of cgeorge and doing things like buying him flowers in secret (this was before fundy wedding was retconned but i still consider this one canon), stealing back his fish beckerson from cquackity i believe, and going to war against lmanburg and building obsidian walls surrounding the place AND exiling ctommy BECAUSE ctommy and co burned down cgeorge's house he built before becoming king. at the time people did read that as cdream using cgeorge as an excuse to do build walls and enact exile but i like to read it romantically i think thats more fun.

but as the person who created the server along with dream he was bound to have one of the most important relationships to him no matter what. after a while though, cdream dethroned cgeorge to re-crown ceret as cgeorge was starting to align himself with cquackity, csapnap, and ckarl in making a new independent nation that wasnt lmanburg, dsmp, or the badlands named el rapids (making him no longer the most neutral of the server) and this is the moment cdnf (and cdteam really) kinda split up for good in a way. do remember the reason this even happened is ALLEGEDLY because george irl wasnt super into the lore and dream gave him an out through lore, yet he underestimated the DRAMAAAA george would give as his character which led to a way more compelling story/narrative surrounding dethronement as cdream's complete betrayal of both cgeorge and csapnap to focus on other matters like ctommy or whatever. sadly, no more cdnf proper after this that doesnt come in the form of crumbs/mentions from other characters (such as two times csapnap confronting cdream and mentioning george to which cdream has very Normal responses) or dreams that dubiously affect real life (in canon) but cdream does what he does and cgeorge moves to kinoko kingdom with csapnap and ckarl. but honestly i think the most tragic part of dethronement was probably the fact it was on quackity's stream tbh 😒

the first time dreamxd showed up on the server was during george's tiktok banned me stream due to the fact cdream was in prison canonically but dream still wanted to play with george on the server on the rare occasion he got on, and this was the only stream that featured dream voicing dreamxd without filters, because it was a semi rushed decision. this stream could technically be considered the first cgeorge dream presented to us, but the concept that george's lore streams were dreams came one stream later featuring cniki and cbad as well. anyway this stream is kinda technically not canon because dnf and quackity were rping george getting banned from tiktok so its very much Not lore in that sense but it again featured a lot of dream being protective of george, "betraying" him and groveling and george acting sad and crying irl on command. rituals. ONE MORE THING TO ADD ABOUT THE PRISON THAT IS VERY IMPORTANT: cdream is captured and put into prison before this stream as previously said, but almost EVERY SINGLE character is there to watch EXCEPT cgeorge. meaning, he may have been in deep sleep at this point. HOWEVER, he never visits the prison ONCE in canon. more on this later.

anyway the next stream features some interesting implications about cdream and dreamxd's connection like are they two separate entities? are they split from a singular entity? can cdream take over dreamxd's body temporarily or is it dreamxd mimicing his voice and body (dream was using the same skin for both). also, dreamxd had access to creative mode which led many to characterize him as a god of the server and dream incorporated that into his character as a result, but also that he's a massive fucking simp for cgeorge in giving him items he asks for which again. rituals. this is the stream where cgeorge and dreamxd become friends forever as well.

but before explaining the last lore stream george ever did and also some stuff that happened after on cdream's side, there are also things to address regarding symbols and things that just made cdnf's relationship a lot closer than the others. for example, the wooden pickaxes they left in the nether near the beginning of the server's birth that philza eventually found and eret put in a museum. another is their literal child nugget (this one is a stretch tbh but it makes me smile) a chicken that george had in dream's room during the construction of the community house before a sewer ran through it :/ this one is purely me in that i also consider tnt to be a symbol of both cdnf in that cdream uses it a lot and cgeorge uses it to blow up the world in his last stream, and they both use it to blow up cquackity's las nevadas sign both in the dream and in canon. but the most important one of all is The Shield.

this damn. motherfucking shield. with a blue field masoned banner. was somehow the longest running symbol surrounding cdnf. i have gone to bed sick over this shield. a brief timeline about it: the first time we saw it was when cdream had it equipped during the obsidian lmanburg wall incident and cgeorge famously saying "im not going to be hurt if dream's next to me". cdream doesnt show up again with it to my knowledge but CGEORGE has it during the lil nas x stream (cdream in prison) during which he gets killed and lil nas x briefly equips it before karl gets it back to george near the end/after the stream. we never saw cdream give him this shield, it's kinda maybe implied that he gave it based on the fact its the same design?? who knows. later, the shield gets stolen by sapnap during another dream (this was during george's first year anniversary stream) featuring dream! where he dreams that cdream left prison and joined cgeorge csapnap cbad and ckarl on a tour of the server and kinoko. karl steals it back from csapnap during sapnap's stream with drista in secret, and manages to get it BACK to george MANY MONTHS LATER after an mcc and time travel shenanigans without sapnap knowing. george is GENUINELY happy about this damn shield and puts it in his enderchest, nearly freaking out when cpunz kills him and he thinks he lost it. super normal behavior. anyway. interlude over back to the last stream.

cgeorge's i blew up the dream smp deserved an oscar. seriously. masterclass in acting and streaming. the key point to remember from earlier here is cgeorge had NEVER visited the prison, but a specific moment from quackity's forming las nevadas stream revealed him standing outside the prison, looking inside, before cquackity got his attention, so he was clearly thinking about visiting, yet never had the courage or will to see him again. anyway this stream's inciting incident is cgeorge noticing no one is on the server and encounters cdream LEAVING the prison. they have a confrontation in which cdream asks cgeorge to join him or else he destroys kinoko. he kills cgeorge. after beating ctechno And cdream, cgeorge goes on a destruction spree and also kills cquackity ckarl and ccallahan before finally killing god aka dreamxd, his last link to cdream/humanity. that sequence where he fights him is oddly flirty. anyway he then goes on to go to the End and almost kills the dragon to rule over a world of nothing except.. it was all a dream. cgeorge ends the stream furious. this is the last we ever see of cgeorge.

meanwhile cdream gets taunted of cgeorge on various occasions: with csapnap, with cbad, and at the end with ctommy. one of the signs he has listing his plans has the name george on it, discovered by ctommy and ctubbo before they go defeat him. during the finale, ctommy goes into limbo and sees/hears cdnf during dream's FIRST dsmp stream before he abandoned showing his pov and convinces cdream destroying the world isnt the way before everyone blows up from the nuke L. thats the end of canon before "season 2" which. lets not get into that but them also dying to the dragon when the official end to the dsmp stream happened was really cute :( and its very poetic to note that irl dnf started this insaneeee phenomenon an ocean away and ended it all together in the same house in LA :(

last notes: dream fucking ADORED this ship so much that when he held a fanfic contest (dnf barely being accepted by the mods but allowing lore fics) he chose a cgeorge-centric cdnf fic as the winner. he liked so much fanart of it, and he particularly liked dreamxd and cgeorge fanart. he also accidentally revealed two google searches during one of his geoguessr streams which were "georgenotfound dream smp wiki" and "georgenotfound dream SMP king short story wattpad". okay man. protip ao3 is better for inspiration but whatever. but lets also not discount george here as he was also a freak and liked the famouss king/knight fanart of their characters near kissing and replied "hot" before people really took the concept of cdnf or any shipping super seriously. now, you can debate whether he meant that seriously or as a joke, but based on his streams if you were to find anything to ship, you seriously could not do that with anyone other than dream in either his cdream or dreamxd form unless you were looking to break up ckarlnapity in some way but those ships were less popular, probably because of irl dnf's real life chemistry. cdream is another story but thats not the focus here, though i wont deny there isnt grounding for a lot of other popular cdream ships, which is fine.

over time, dnf became incredibly close as friends and as a duo, and in terms of fandom developments, over the course of 2021 leading into 2022, shipping dnf as real people and not the pseudo heatwaves/accelerate/minecraft skins image of them became much more popularized. as dnf grew closer they did less streams in lore and their real life dynamic became a lot more interesting the closer the face reveal became. but in a way, in my opinion, the lore streams were a way for dnf in particular to sort of deal with their situation due to covid and dream's inability to go outside and do shit, in a sense the prison arc kinda symbolizes dream's irl situation though thats likely not the case. but a lot of their dynamic shone through in their characters via dream being very protective of george and george caring about him in his own way/being kinda obsessed with him in general.

overall, i think the best part of this ship is just how founded on delusion, crumbs, and denial from the fans it was yet how surprisingly supported it was by dnf themselves over time as the server became super mega BONKERS insanely popular??? like it is genuinely one of the only actual canon slash r ships in the story, moreso implied than anything else but holding much more water than something like ckarlnapity in the end which is CRAZY. the imagery and inspiration that came out of the ship was incredible and yet its still a very tragic story in canon that doesnt actually truly get resolved (i like to imagine season 2 fixed this). however in the end, although cdnf didnt get a happy ending, irl dnf did, in meeting/living with each other and officially shedding off this wild part of their life and career as characters in a story coping with their real life circumstances, to living life to the fullest physically together and happy. :)

[anamenooneowns]

BEING RAFE'S GIRL✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡ ˚

an: i realized that the 'being ___'s girl' doesnt actually fit what i'm writing bc youre not their girl yet so imma change the titles most definitely bc i dont like it. um, so this is actually you being rafe's gf. not just meeting him. enjoy!

warnings: toxic!rafe, toxic!reader, name calling (bitch), you deck rafe in his shit so physical abuse, talk of drug use (coke), verbal abuse, lowkeyyyyy sub!rafe i dont make the rules, angst☹️, accusation of cheating

DNI IF YOU DO NOT HAVE AN AGE IN YOUR BIO. THIS BLOCK BUTTON GOES BRAZY

No one knew how it happened, to be honest. Not that it was anyone's business why Rafe was dating you, a 'Kook poser'. But was it really so bad to be a girl who just wanted to live well?

Besides, before you met Rafe, you worked your ass off for everything that you had. A new Telfar bag dropped that you wanted? You damn near didn't sleep with the overtime you were doing at your job. Your credit card? Never not paid. Wanted a new set of nails? You sat your ass down and learned how to do them yourself.

Hyper-independence was your middle name and you wore it well.

Sometimes, it seemed your boyfriend needed to be reminded of that though.

"I don't know who the fuck you think you talking to, Ra-fa-el," you mushed his head with the pad of your index finger and watched his face get red from your exaggerative pronunciation of his full name, "but it's not fuckin' me."

His eyes were dilated and he reeked of that disgustingly expensive alcohol that Kelce gave him. His hand shot out, snatching you toward him as he sneered down at you. "Y-y'know, for someone who gets everything they want from me you don't fucking-" he barked, breathing out a humorless laugh as he shook you- "show me any goddamn respect. You get caught chatting up so-some loser and get mad at me for being a trashy, Pogue, whore-"

Rafe grunted as his head snapped back because you didn't smack him. You just socked the absolute fuck out of him. "God- dammit!" He touched his nose with a trembling hand and pulled it away to look at the blood that was already leaking down his philtrum and spread between the crevice of his lips.

He doesn't get a chance to speak again because you grab his jaw, acrylics biting into his face and squishing the meat of his inner cheeks against his teeth painfully.

You got real close to his face, eyes narrowed and lips curled into a snarl. "I don't fucking need you. I don't need you, or your coke-induced paranoia, or your goddamn daddy issues, or your fucking money. I wasn't 'chatting' that guy up, because he's my brother you idiot."

His lips parted an a hushed 'oh' fell from them as you snatched your hand away and scoffed in disbelief. "Are you serious? 'Oh'?" you mocked. "Not even an 'I'm sorry'? Better yet–getting on your knees and fucking begging for forgiveness? But of course not, that would be asking the world from Kook King, Rafe Camer...on," your voice died as you watched him slowly get on one knee, the other following.

His hand reached out and grabbed yours, bringing it to his pink, bloody lips to kiss your knuckles. Then he turned it over to press a kiss to your wrist... then your palm. His breaths were warm as they blew over your hand that he was now bringing to his face, his eyes softer now. So many times would you look at him and be staring into two voids that were nothing if not full of malice and something that made a person's soul ache.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "I... I should've asked. I'm sorry, baby."

"Rafe-"

"I don't- I don't know what's wrong-" his voice wavered and his face pinched together as his skin flushed again, but not from anger but misery- "with me. I don't wanna be like this, I swear... m'not like this, okay? You believe me right?"

His other hand twisted itself into your dress, gripping your thigh. Words escaped you as you just let him pull you closer, and it was only natural when your arms cradled his head against your stomach.

Your heart was racing. You couldn't tell whether it was out of fear for this sudden, vulnerable turn or concern that this boy was hurting more than you thought inside. "Of course I believe you, baby," you whispered.

Wetness spread through your dress and the way he was trembling told you he was crying.

"I'll always believe you, Rafe... I'll always be on your side."

It took a while but he eventually got up from his knees, accepting your sweet, glossy kisses to his wet face as you apologized for hitting him. Somehow, you convinced him to just stay at Topper's house and sleep off what was in his system, and through your exchanged gazes it was unsaid that a break was needed between the both of you.

And the next morning, when you woke up and got dressed to go grab the mail, a bouquet of white yarrow flowers and purple hyacinths. The note inside was in his cursive handwriting.

I'll always wait for you

R. C.

an: comments and reblogs appreciated!

[waltzingwithyourenemyattheball]

PICK A CARD: MESSAGES FROM THE COUNCIL OF LIGHT

LEFT : 111 ; RIGHT: 333

Disclaimer:

🪈Disclaimer in highlights applies here

🪈Take what resonates and leave the rest

🪈No one is allowed to copy my work under any circumstances

🪈All personal readings are paid. DM to book a personal tarot session.

🌙111🌙 “Better to wait than force things to happen” “I want my life to be beautiful, wild and filled with things I never imagined so forgive me if I ignore everything  you think is important and get right to it” “Stop Complaining and Start Doing”  “Fulfill your duties towards your body, self, and family, even society, do your part.” Patience is virtue that needs to be restored within you. You want your life to look a certain way, beautiful and wild and like your Pinterest mood baords and for so long you haven’t lived that, you have been engulfed with the noise and drama of the outside world, you waited so long for things you didn’t want, why not be patient for the things that you do, it takes time to undo the social conditioning and live truly free, give yourself some grace. It is not your job to be likeable, your job is to be yourself and the right people will find you.  The council of light is reminding you that while you are on your way to fulfil your dream, do not forget to give back. A lot of being gave you comfort in your journey. I can see someone talking to street or colony dogs, and just sitting beside them and telling them about stories of their life, and playing, don’t forget them when things get better, they listened to you when you were in need. Do not forget your roots, sometimes we fly so high we can’t pinpoint where our home is from the clouds, do not forget your home, where you came from, your lineage, your villages, these things matter. They are your anchor. Connect with your loved ones, do some gardening. For some of you: Rescue Animals, help them in any way you can.  Comment ‘111’ to claim. 🌙 DM TO BOOK A TAROT READING 🌙 🌙333🌙 “You came with nothing, you will go away with nothing” “You are not aline no matter how you perceive it to be. There is someone praying for you” If you are facing difficulty in making a choice: the council of light says: Make the choice that sets you free, that makes you feel lighter. Check your feelings, does it feel a weird hesitation or disappointment or sadness, even though logically it makes sense? Do not choose that path, please! Let lightness, freedom and joy be your guide in making decisions and you’ll be happy how things turned out in the end.  Love yourself more, your day starts when you wake up so create a solid morning routine for yourself, take care of what you are consuming in different aspects like food, water, virtual content, engaging in conversations, everything. Assess this, eat good food that gives you energy and life, engage in manful conversations instead of gossip. Everyday for an hour do something you love, actively. Like you like to draw? Transfer half the time you spend following art content into making your own drawings, they don’t have to be the best, just start doodling even.  You have all that you need to become wealthy in the most holistic sense, use them, There is no harm in writing in a pretty journal but you can just start journaling in any dairy whatsoever, sometimes just taking the first step is good enough, do not go in the mindset that I don’t have this so I can’t do this, use the resources you have currently.  Comment ‘333’ to claim. 🌙 DM TO BOOK A TAROT READING 🌙

- EL TAROT

[thrashkink-coven]

I worship Inanna, Lucifer, and Aphrodite as the most powerful and greatest Gods, yes even beyond Ra and El and Ashirat and everything. I know that’s a bold fucking claim but I’ll explain why.

As glorious and incredibly divine and powerful as Gods like Ra and Ashirat and the primordial creators are, and as much as I respect, love and honour them immensely, my personal connections to the Gods come from my perspective as a human being. To us, the most powerful and influential force in the entire universe is Love. It is why Cupid’s arrows will always be more powerful than Apollon’s. Love is the primary motivation behind anything a human has ever done, created, or nurtured, beyond the basic instinct to survive. As soon as you transition from a state of being a human to a person, you become a slave to the Goddess of love.

Even if you’ve never experienced carnal love, romance, even if you never had a family to love familially, if you’ve never had a friend or a pet, you’ve still fallen in love in secret ways a million times. When I wake up in the morning and decide to wear something, it’s because I love myself. Or at least, I love some idea of what I am beyond what is essential to my survival. I add a little bit of icing sugar to my pancakes because I love the way it tastes when I do that. I draw a picture of a flower, because for some reason I loved it enough to study its petals. I wanted to remember it as it looked in that exact moment. I took a picture of a worm I saw on the sidewalk. I didn’t know it at the time, but I loved it too. I have music preferences, a favourite color, a favourite pair of pants, and they are all mine because I fell in love at one point or another.

I had a stuffed bear when I was a kid, and I loved her for some reason. I gave her a name, I even gave her a gender, and I called her my friend. But one day I had to take a bath and I decided to bring her into the bath with me because I didn’t want to stop playing with her. She got water logged and I think my mom threw her away, and I mourned her. Love is like a sin to the ones that feel it the most.

Every lasting grudge in human history was formed out of love. Because nobody believes that everyone loves everyone else as much as they do. I feel like I love my partner more than anyone has ever loved in the history of the universe. And yet I know that everyone loves something or someone as much as I love him. If someone hurt him, I would never stop hating them. If someone killed him, I would kill them, and the person who loved them would want to kill me. That is why the Goddess of Love is the Goddess of War. The height of my love is the depth of my hatred.

Because humans are social creatures and we love each other in order to love ourselves. Because love gifts us with the highest bliss and the deepest mourning. Because I would shrivel and waste away if my lover wasn’t with me. Just with me, beside me. That’s all I need.

Everything that has ever lasted maintained itself because someone loved it enough to create it. The pyramids, ancient temples of worship to Gods that were loved, adored. Markings on the bark of a tree that promise that two people were there, and loved each other. Every trinket at the thrift store, from the dog wearing a dress to the ceramic angel, that mug with that old man’s face on it, were made by a human that loved something enough to make art in its image. Whoever felt so strongly about a girl that their words turned into lyrics and their yearning turned into symphonies.

Humans are slaves to the power of love. When the end of the world comes and everything is done, we will embrace each-other dearly as if we were all that ever mattered, and we’d be content with that.

I champion the heralds of love because I am forever in dept to them. How incredibly lucky I am to have been born as a creature that can experience her bliss. How foolish and drunk I am on her infinite pleasures. How cruel it is of her to erect the most wonderful place in the universe between the arms of my lover, knowing that one day those arms will return to dirt, and hopefully, hopefully, I will still be in them.

Lucifer is the harbinger of Venus, and i love that so much. He ushers in her presence and does so with the fire of rebellion on his wings. What does it mean to love oneself more than any rule or doctrine? Or to love knowledge and self discovery? No wonder the angel of the rebellion is the harbringer of the Goddess of Love and War. The one who screams “Love is here! Love is here! She is more powerful than any system, any rule, any law, she is stronger than the mightiest warrior. She is loud! She is quiet! She always saves the day. I am proof of that.”

Lucifer tells us that even if we are not lucky enough to love and be loved by others, if we can love ourselves, we will always be free.

That is why I say that Venus is the greatest God. That is why I chose Lucifer to be my patron and why I express my loyalty to them above all others. Without her I could not have loved all those other Gods I adore. Without her they would be nothing to me, because I would be nothing to me.

You are the greatest God, Inanna. I will forever be your loyal devotee.

[pedripics]

Charlando con PEDRI en la EURO 2024 | xBuyer - Translation

JAVI: Guys, we are here, as you have seen in the title, the thumbnail, nothing more and nothing less than a little chat with Pedri. Pedri González, my friend...

ERIC: How are you maestro?

JAVI: Brother of a former xBuyer team player and most importantly, Spanish national team player.

ERIC: By the way, first question, why did you change your number, man?

PEDRI: Because I've taken it. The truth is that it goes by internationality. I mean, when you arrive you choose the one with the most caps or whichever one you get.

ERIC: Whichever one you get.

PEDRI: They gave me a choice and I was the 26 again, but I said so to change. ERIC: He has stolen it from you. PEDRI: No, I changed it. I mean, I have more internationals than him, so I chose before him.

ERIC: It has a bit of personality.

JAVI: Well, have you seen? (pointing to his jacket)

ERIC: I was going to say Pedri. What do you think of my brother's jacket?

PEDRI: It's fine, but this has changed already.

JAVI: Yeah, but all you've done is criticize me.

PEDRI: Because it has changed.

JAVI: But a little bit of retro, man, this.

ERIC: But, listen, but this is one of the last collections they did retro.

JAVI: First question. Did I put the mic on?

ERIC: I put the mic on. First question was...

JAVI: How are you?

PEDRI: Good, good, here.

JAVI: Sunny. The facilities are really good.

PEDRI: Sunny??

JAVI: Second question. How are you? I know you're fine, but everyone knows you're from Troncos.

Clip Pedri: I became a Troncos. They had never asked me which team I was from and I didn't have a team, but of course when they asked me I had to say one and I became a Tronco because of Verdú, man.

Clip Ibai: Very good, but you watch the Kings League a lot.

Clip Pedri: Yes, I watch it, so I don't miss a game, but yes.

JAVI: We explained it well to your little team. We didn’t just beat them, we burned it.

PEDRI: Well, basically the Troncos let them win because, of course, they didn't want to win.

ERIC: They let themselves win from the first minute, no.

JAVI: We're going on holiday early and that's it.

ERIC: It's OK, it's still Troncos. Verdú. The same, he's not going.

PEDRI: If Verdú doesn't continue, I'll have to reconsider.

ERIC: Who would you say you have a face from Móstoles?

PEDRI: I used to like El Barrio at the beginning, but now I don't like it at all. I don't know who I would go to.

ERIC: Dude, he doesn't say the Buyers (their team)

PEDRI: Let's see, no, the Buyers too.

JAVI: I don't even want him to say it anymore.

PEDRI: The only one I like among the Buyers is Beguer.

ERIC: And Fuad?

PEDRI: Well, he's good too.

ERIC: That's good eh.

PEDRI: But Beguer is very top.

JAVI: Let's see if we can keep him.

ERIC: What about my penalties?

PEDRI: Pff, what a blast, eh?

ERIC: But I've scored 3

PEDRI: Yeah, but how many have you missed?

ERIC: Three

PEDRI: 50%.

ERIC: How many penalties have you taken in your career?

PEDRI: One

ERIC: Have you scored?

PEDRI: Yes, against Betis in the Super Cup.

ERIC: Good, good

PEDRI: I have 100%.

JAVI: I'm not saying anything because that's where I'm shitting myself.

PEDRI: But why don't you shoot?

JAVI: Because he does it well. I give him his share... (pointing at Eric)

ERIC: Of course, but I do it well. I mean, I don't shoot badly, but I don't score. So, ee have to look for something.

JAVI: I only commit myself that, if there are shootouts, I'll shoot them. And I'll score them.

PEDRI: Yes, but the shootout is more complicated.

JAVI: No way, it's very easy if you are left-footed.

ERIC: (laughs) It's very easy if you are left-footed. But it's the same thing.

PEDRI: It's the same.

JAVI: You'll see. The truth is that I have a lot of little things. I have secret weapons.

PEDRI: So tell Geri to do shootouts.

JAVI: That's going to be done.

ERIC: He tells us that if you get shootouts, it's two goals.

PEDRI: So you can choose between a normal penalty and a shootout? Is it worth double?

ERIC: It's double if the president takes it.

PEDRI: That's not a bad one.

JAVI: It's not bad.

PEDRI: It's not bad.

JAVI: And that's where I'll come in. Clack.

PEDRI: A double goal, but you have to score it afterwards.

JAVI: But okay, Eric, shoot it, shoot it. Question. We're fucking around.

ERIC: You were the best young player at the last European Championship, who will it be at this one?

PEDRI: Lamine

ERIC: Are you sure?

PEDRI: Yes.

ERIC: (at Lamine off-camera) Lamine, are you going to be the best or no?

JAVI: And who are you sharing a room with?

PEDRI: Nobody. Alone.

JAVI: Alone?

ERIC: No shit.

PEDRI: Everyone is alone. Everyone. Everyone. The XB guys shared, right?

JAVI: Team and he shared. Pablito Beguer with Roger Carbó.

PEDRI: Well, Roger also scored goals.

ERIC: You have a powerful squad. How do you approach this European Championship from what you learned from the last one? What do you think you can change to win it?

PEDRI: Let's see, the last one. The truth is that we did a good job.

ERIC: We did a good job.

PEDRI: To be honest, it's difficult to beat it, but...

ERIC: You have to give it your all.

PEDRI: That's why overcoming it is complicated, but I think we have a good team. There are also young people who help us (smiling at Lamine off camera). And above all we have a good vibe, man, which is important at the end of the day.

JAVI: It's funny that Pedri says ‘we have young people who help us’.

PEDRI (getting very defensive lmao): Well, yes, I look like a veteran.

ERIC: You've been with us for five years now, haven't you?

PEDRI: I've been at Barça for four years.

ERIC: You've been to the Spanish national team, you haven't been to the youth teams, have you?

PEDRI: Well, I went to the U16 World Cup (it was U17 lmao) when I was at Las Palmas and then I went twice, I think, to the U21 or U19.

ERIC: I though you didn’t when you were younger…

PEDRI: Yes, I was with De La Fuente, I was in the U21s. Well, and the Olympic Games.

ERIC: But there you were already playing for Barça. Right. Okay, good.

JAVI: Then a little question. Today I went for a couple of rounds while you were training in your facilities.

PEDRI: Do you like it?

JAVI: You have lots of little things.

PEDRI: They are nice, eh?

JAVI: This year's facilities are strong. What do you do most to pass the time? Because I've seen that there's ping pong, that there's everything.

ERIC: Don't say Play, that's clear.

PEDRI: Let's see, the Play, I play tennis. I'm there playing a lot.

ERIC: Some other people who also play?

PEDRI: Dani Olmo. Well, we'll each play one of them.

JAVI: Of course, so that you don't share a screen, otherwise it gets buggy. The one on top gets buggy.

PEDRI: And I play darts the most, I play quite a lot.

ERIC: Darts. I saw that you were throwing darts. Against whom?

PEDRI: With Ferran, Vivian, he's not bad, and Remiro is a spectacle. He's the best at darts.

JAVI: Incidentally, not long ago I had an interview with Lamine and he said that at table football (foosball) he's the best, that at foosball no one beats him.

PEDRI (pointing at Lamine): He said that I am his goalkeeper, so all good.

JAVI: But is it true that he is very good?

Clip Lamine: Pedri, my goalkeeper in table football.

Clip Javi: What do you mean, he's played as a goalkeeper by himself?

Clip Lamine: Goalkeeper.

Clip Eric: What are you playing? Four against four?

Clip Lamine: Two against two

Clip Javi: Who is the best foosball player on the team?

Clip Lamine: Oriol. Top two me 100%

PEDRI (directed at Lamine): He dribbles even in foosball.

ERIC: The best in the team?

PEDRI: Well, foosball is a one-legged game here, you know?

ERIC: Yes, of course, you can't hold the ball.

ERIC (at Lamine): You lose your potential.

*Lamine complaining off camera*

PEDRI: You play with the two-legged one and the one-legged one gets complicated.

JAVI: Okay, Eric, any questions you have there, like quick ones. Player to follow from this EURO, not from Spain?

PEDRI: To say one from Germany that we are here, Wirtz.

ERIC: Food from Spain that you're going to miss, even though we've seen that the cooks bring a lot of Spain? Do they put sweet potato in it?

PEDRI: Yes.

JAVI: What's wrong with the national team?

PEDRI: They always put it in, and I tried it one day and I really like it.

ERIC: How many kilos of sweet potato did you say you ate? Two or three?

PEDRI: Crazy. Well, there's sweet potato in every meal.

JAVI: You've always been particular about food.

ERIC: Do they let you eat croquettes here?

PEDRI: No, I wish. No, but nothing. What I eat most... I don't know, fish anyway. I don't know, like sea bass.

ERIC: Oh, they put sea bass in it?

PEDRI: Whatever they put in. I mean, I can't order whatever I want.

ERIC: The day we went to lunch anyway you asked for a sea bass.

ERIC: Promise if you win the EURO?

PEDRI: I was going to say I'll do my profile picture, but of course you haven't seen my profile picture.

JAVI: What's your profile picture?

PEDRI: I don't have my phone here. But it's me, bald and with a moustache. I mean, shaved and with a moustache.

ERIC: You don't have the balls to shave your head and grow a moustache.

PEDRI: Yes.

ERIC: Imagine showing up for the pre-season with a bald head.

PEDRI: No, I will let them shave me in the locker room.

ERIC: Do you like being bald?? (valid question lmao)

PEDRI: I will let them shave me in the locker room. But not zero, eh. Buzzcut.

ERIC: You get in here with a buzzcut. Okay, I like it. I was going to say the same thing, but is Pedri Prime coming to the Euro?

PEDRI: I hope so.

JAVI: I'm a betting man too. I'll tell you one thing, if you score five goals in this Euros…

PEDRI: You sell the xBuyer Team.

JAVI: I'll sell it now.

ERIC: That depends on how much you give us.

JAVI: I'll shave my head.

ERIC: But listen, the one you put the fifth one in, you have to dedicate it to him, you have to do something like this

(they proceeded to show him what celebration to do)

JAVI: I don't know whether to be happy or cry.

PEdRI: If that happens. But I don't take the penalties myself, in theory.

JAVI: In theory.

ERIC: Yeah, but Javi, you think that if Pedri scores five. We've come a long way.

JAVI: And now I'd like to ask you a little bit of a trickier question: any argument or something that the coach said to you in anger? I mean, something that you've said to yourself, ‘Wow, I remember this one all my life’?

PEDRI: I mean, any coach? Well, I haven't had many arguments myself. No. But I'm also a good guy. I'm quiet, I don't get into trouble.

ERIC: Because he doesn't miss much either. Pedri catches the ball, passes back, whatever.

JAVI: I think there's Lamine who's going to answer me.

PEDRI: Lamine, Lamine. (directed at Lamine) What are they going to say to him if he's been here for a year and they only say good things?

JAVI: But surely, he's had some in the lower categories.

PEDRI: Lower categories? (laughs)

ERIC: Next one, also a little bit tricky, but chill. Who is the worst dressed player in the national team?

PEDRI: (laughs)

JAVI: You know it

PEDRI: No, let's see, I haven't seen many, but Unai Simon.

ERIC: Unai Simon? Does he look like...?

PEDRI: Dressed very badly.

ERIC: Unai. I see him in a polo shirt, jeans... I mean, he doesn't get complicated.

PEDRI: Yes, Unai Simon (looks at Lamine) or Nico Williams (laughs again).

ERIC: No, Nico has style.

PEDRI (pointing at Lamine): He knows why I say that.

JAVI: You get along good with Nico, don't you?

JAVI: And any new nickname from this squad?

ERIC: Do they still call you what you used to be called? Pepi, right?

PEDRI: No, yes, but nobody calls me that, only my brother, man. My brother is the only bastard who gives me a nickname. And a nickname like that? Buah, none. (looks at Lamine) Well, there was one, but it's gone.

ERIC: So let's leave him, let's respect him.

ERIC: And in the national team there has always been Pepe Reina. But who is the soul of the national team now?

PEDRI: Morata :)

ERIC and JAVI: Morata?????

ERIC: Morata is shy, isn't he?

PEDRI: Morata telling stories is the best there is.

ERIC: I like it.

PEDRI: I think Morata would take the microphone if there's a celebration.

ERIC: And now, the penultimate one, when we win, if we win the Euro, where are you going on holiday?

PEDRI: Tenerife.

ERIC: Tenerife. But you’ve seen it a lot already?

PEDRI: But I like to be at home, quiet, with my family.

ERIC: You're not going anywhere else?

PEDRI: Well, first to Madrid to celebrate and then to Tenerife with Lamine. (laughs) I'm not taking him on holiday.

ERIC: I'm a bit scared of Lamine in Tenerife.

PEDRI: He's already been there. He was there. Ask him about it later.

JAVI: And finally, you know that there is a teammate who has not been able to come, at Barça, Gavi, which is hurting us. Do you have any message you want to leave him in this video? Because I'm sure he sees it.

PEDRI: Now he is starting to run. He's doing very well. Keep it up, we are waiting for him with open arms. Me too, I want to humiliate you/ beat you at ping pong.

JAVI: I saw the video.

PEDRI: He plays well right?

ERIC: Table tennis, darts, tennis, everything.

PEDRI: Anything that involves sport and passes the time, I'm all for it.

JAVI: And keep an eye out because soon we'll be uploading a Pedri vs Lamine. Let's see who knows more about EUROs players.

ERIC: Any questions you want us to ask him (Lamine)?

PEDRI: (laughs again) How was it in Tenerife?

[half-oz-eddie]

Journaling Billy is so personal for me.

Billy with a gratitude journal that he writes in every time something good happens, or someone does something nice for him.

He got the journal from a nurse at the hospital post-starcourt, who thought it would be a nice way for him to pass the time, while also lifting his spirits and helping him realize how much love and kindness is around him, even if he doubts it.

It's just a blue, soft cover bound book, but he humors the nurse because she's got warm, pretty eyes and reminds him of his mom.

He uses it often, even after leaving the hospital.

Steve catches him writing in his journal one day, and Billy tells him it's fine if he reads the gratitude journal but not his diary.

Steve, of course, is dying to see what's in the journal, what Billy considers nice, and what good things have been happening to the love of his life.

Aug 1, 1985 Everyone came to see me. Even those kids Harrington always babysits. That's nice, right?

Aug 5 Harrington brought me some food from some burger joint. It was good. I guess he's nice even though I was kind of a dick to him.

Aug 21 Harrington showed up to drive me home. I don't know why he's being so nice to me. It pisses me off because I think he just feels sorry for me. I'm probably using this journal the wrong way but I don't care. I can't talk to anybody about this. I'm not feeling that grateful for shit today.

Aug 25 Max helped me with my pain medication. I thought she hated me. She acts like everything's fine. I have to admit I’m grateful what happened only stays in my nightmares and I wake up to a different reality.

Aug 29 Harrington called to check on me. Offered to come over and play cards. He doesn't have to keep pretending. I like the company, though.

Sept 10th Max tried to stay home from school to look after me. I'm doing a lot better so I didn't need the help. I still don't understand why everyone's being so nice after what I did. Sept 14th Felt strong enough to go out for some air on my own. Saw Sinclair and that other kid. Think his name's Dustin. They were on their bikes. They waved and asked how I was doing. Told them I was fine and they rode off. Do I deserve their concern? Sept 15th Sinclair came back while I was on the porch. Asked for Max. I told him he couldn't be here because of Neil. We waited for Max a few houses down and talked about basketball. He's trying out for the team so I gave him some advice. It was a nice conversation. Didn't feel forced at all.

Sept 20th I told Lucas I was sorry for what happened that night. He said he'd forgotten all about it. I know the little shit was lying, but I guess he forgives me. That was cool of him.

Sept 29th Lucas made the team and thanked me for the advice. I don't feel like I did anything.

Oct 4th I'm feeling better than ever. Driving around on my own again. Nobody seems to blame me for what I did, and everyone's nice everywhere I go.

Oct 11th Went to see El. She's always kind to me. She's like the little sister I never had. She made me some waffles.

Oct 15th Saw Harrington again. It was warm so we went swimming in his pool. I really missed the water.

Oct 29th Haven't been writing much down. It feels like I'm saying the same things over and over. Everyone's always nice to me. Dad's not bothering me anymore. I feel like I have a lot of support around me. For once I feel safe. Oct 31st Went to a halloween party with Harrington. First time having a beer in months. Got a little too drunk and we kissed. He didn't seem to hate it. I didn't either.

Nov 9th Finally talked to Steve again after the kiss. He asked if I wanted to go steady. I said no at first, then changed my mind. I'm glad I did.

Steve smiled as he read every entry. Every few days, Billy's entries were longer and longer. He talked about things that made him smile, people he met, and how much he appreciated the simplest things. It was an amazing transformation. He continued to read the entries, his eyes widening when he read the most recent one. January 12th 1986 I'm falling in love with Steve. I was hoping he’d say it first but he hasn’t said anything. Maybe I’m too hopeful. He treats me like he loves me too, I think. But I’m not sure. Steve quickly closed the book, feeling like he'd violated Billy's privacy by reading something he hadn't known before. "Why so quiet, Steve? You read yesterday's entry, huh?" "I—yeah. I thought maybe you wrote it in the wrong journal."

"I didn't. I was gonna tell you, I just...I dunno. I didn't want you to think I was trying to move too fast."

Steve laughed. "You have no idea how relieved I am."

Billy narrowed his eyes. "Why?"

"Billy, I've been in love with you for weeks."

Billy snorted. "You're such a sap, pretty boy."

They shared a kiss and Billy wrote in his journal about how grateful he was, to love and be loved.

January 16th On August 21st last year, I was wrong. I have everything to be grateful for.

▪️▫️▪️

A little something to show my gratitude for reaching 400 followers. I appreciate all of you ❤️

Also tagging some friends I’ve met here that really belong in my gratitude journal for all the kindness they’ve shown lately and their posts just make me smile.

@shieldofiron @monsterpegger001 @dragonflylady77 @harringroveera @bigdumbbambieyes @brightside-of-the-upsidedown @thatgirlwithasquid