#I want them to be so addicted to that song they want to replay it over and over again to hear that beautiful melody

[rosicheeks]

let me make you feel good. Lay back and wrap your legs around me as I pin you down and fuck you real slow. You don’t have to do anything, baby. Just relax and feel my cock pushing deep into you over and over again, and the way your body moves with mine. Let me grab a fistful of your hair and tug your head back as I slowly thrust my cock inside you even deeper than before. Fuck, you’re so soft and pliable in my arms as I play with your body, so tight as I fuck into you.

Kiss me if you want. Whine into my mouth so I can swallow the sound. I’ll drag my lips down your jaw and groan against your skin. I want to hear the sounds you make when I fuck you like this—every sweet stolen moan, every little gasp and stifled ‘yes’. Tell me how good it feels. Tell me how good I fuck you, baby. If you want more, I’ll give you more, just don’t stop moaning my name like that. I want you to know exactly who’s making you feel this good. I want to make you come for hours, push you over the edge and just keep you there. You’re so perfect like this, reduced to bliss in my arms.

oh………………. oh 👀

[prickly-paprikash]

Pushing aside the fact that I am, quite possibly, a Kendrick fan—disregarding my biases, I think Drake needs to stop. Push Ups was a good diss. Surface level, vapid, but it possessed that mean, petty spirit that carries a diss track all the way. Even bringing up accusations that are, realistically speaking, unlikely still works because a diss is supposed to show just how much you hate a person and how cleverly you can bring it.

Taylor Made was weird. I get that it was a strategy. Drop the main diss first and then drop this one to really prod at Kendrick. Using Pac and Snoop AI voices sucks though. Distilling Kendrick as Taylor's underling also doesn't work because Kendrick only collaborated with her once (twice when they remade Bad Blood) and that's it. Meanwhile Drake is out here always looking for new, up and coming artists to pounce on their trends or cling to established artists. Then it got taken down, because of course it would have been. You used 2Pac's voice. Did you really think his estate, his family, wouldn't do anything?

So he bought Pac's ring and used his voice without permission. More and more we see just how much of a vulture Drake is.

And then Euphoria drops.

Your first diss was met with solid reactions. Your second got taken down. Kendrick drops on a random hot Tuesday, and in a matter of hours surpasses your numbers that took weeks to accumulate. Kendrick did that. Euphoria was also harsh, clever, and sounded so good that people kept replaying it over and over again. Once more, Kendrick schools you.

A few insiders then say that Drake will drop that night. Right after. But he then allegedly gets cold feet. A few hours later from when Drake was supposedly ready to drop but backs out, Kendrick drops 6:16 in LA.

In your previous disses, you begged Kendrick to drop something with quintuple entendres. Euphoria did that. But he took it a step further by naming his second diss 6:16 in LA.

June 16: Father's day. Referencing the fact that Drake has been proven to be a deadbeat father.

June 16, 1971: Tupac's Birthday. Kendrick idolizes him. Drake steals from him.

June 16, 2019: First episode of Euphoria drops. A show Drake is listed as a producer on. A show about underage girls entering a life of sex, substance abuse, and more. Things that Drake has been accused of repeatedly in the past.

June 16, 2011: in June 2, 2011, Kendrick posted on his twitter that there will be a concert at Toronto on 6/16. Allegedly this is where Drake and Kendrick first met.

6:16 AM: The time of release for this track.

6:16: Multiple possible Bible verses, given Kendrick's Christian background.

Other claims felt like reaches though, so I'll stick to that.

The final two lines of 6:16 also reference the Michael Jackson, R. Kelly, and their song "You Are Not Alone". Drake, who has always claimed he is Michael Jackson or at the very least his equal/successor, is now tied to him in a way he does not want. Because we know all of the dirt that came out after MJ's death. We all know what R. Kelly was sent to prison for. And we all know what Drake has been accused of multiple times.

Kendrick also alludes to the fact that you have a leak in your circle, Drake.

So Drake drops Family Matters. A scathing 7 minute song that makes fun of the GKMC van. Saying that Kendrick's daughter isn't his. Saying that his wife cheats on him with security. Saying that he beats his wife.

Now, these are enormous accusations levied. But Kendrick has responded before, years ago, that the DV accusations were false. He has also always been open about his faults. Adultery. Sex addiction. Insecurity. God complex. Kendrick, for better or worse, has always laid out nearly every aspect of his younger life on his songs. This also helped by the fact that in both Euphoria and 6:16, Kendrick says that Drake has spent millions on finding dirt on him but came up with nothing. Again, these accusations can still be proven true and if so, Kendrick needs to be held accountable for them.

But if not? Then Drake just adds another to the pile of "He's a liar and a master manipulator."

Drake also posts a Parody on his Insta that gains little to no attention because 30 minutes after dropping Family Matters and supposedly going on his victory lap, Kendrick drops meet the grahams.

Another thing. 6:16's cover was a glove. That meant nothing to us, the audience. meet the grahams makes it make sense by zooming out of the glove and showing off a shirt and drugs that Drake supposedly uses. Drake has not had any receipts with his accusations against Kendrick. Kendrick puts Drake's supposed prescription, his full name, on a bottle of Ozempic. Kendrick, for now, seems to make good on his threat. OvO, Drake's company, is full of leaks. And they're leaking it straight to Kendrick Lamar.

Nearly 24 hours later, Kendrick drops Not Like Us.

Euphoria was a general character dissection and assassination of Drake: Insecure about his identity as a biracial man. Culture Vulture. Blaccent user. Code switcher. Fake abs. Womanizer. Misogynist. Using black features just to feel black enough. A deadbeat dad that knows nothing of raising a child. And even revokes Drake's ability to use the N-Word (I have no stake in that I am Asian so I will keep my brown mouth shut for that).

6:16 in LA was an ominous threat that slowly reveals that Kendrick has insider information on Drake. That he is ready to leak so much more should Drake continue.

meet the grahams is a brutal open letter to Drake, his parents, and even to Adonis, Drake's son. Saying that Kendrick could be a better mentor to Adonis. Saying that Drake abandoned you and that's not your fault. Don't be like your father—whatever anyone says, for better or worse, you are a black man and don't code switch just to make yourself feel better. He says that Drake failed his mother for what he did to women. Saying that Drake's father is the cause of his gambling issues. Drake is a body shamer. Leaving the mother of his children to rot. And of course, the reveal that Drake has a secret daughter, the same way Pusha T revealed Drake has a son. Adonis.

And of course, now. Not Like Us. Where Kendrick goes all in on one topic that he has alluded to in every diss track before. Drake is a groomer. A pedophile.

I am sick. I should not be tuning into this beef. But my fever can go ahead and end me, I need to know how this ends.

[worldlxvlys]

can you do a fic where chris and reader are dating and reader interacts with all the edits of chris on tiktok and fangirls with the chris girls.

TIK TOK

chris sturniolo x reader

warnings: cursing, sexual jokes

a/n: i kinda love this, i don’t think i’ve ever seen anyone do a tik tok social au before

lmk what you think

**click yes to actually watch the edits**

WATCH VIDEO?

yes scroll

COMMENTS:

@ y/n

good LORD THAT MAN IS FINE 😩

@lustfulslxt

oh i’m DRENCHED

y/n -> the sturniolo police abt to get ur ass (same)

@flowerxbunnie

suddenly i’m on my knees 🫠

y/n -> literally me

@sturnssx

y/n is so lucky but idk if i wanna be her or chris more

y/n -> i’d want myself too honestly (i’m kidding i love chris)

@mattslolita

why is he not in my bed rn ??

y/n -> sorry bae he’s in mine ✌🏾i’ll tell him to go visit u later !

@its-jennarose

HOW IS HE REAL?

y/n -> the way that i genuinely ask myself this question on a daily basis

@sophssturn

GOD DAYUM 😨

y/n -> fr like who does bro think he is ??

@bernardsleftbootycheek

THIS IS CRAZY GOOD

y/n -> idk which is crazier, your username or this edit ( both eat tho)

@queen161718

the fact that y/n is always just lurking in the comment sections of chris edits absolutely takes me out 😭😭

y/n -> gotta support my man and his talented ass fansss

@cupidsword

i need him BAD

y/n -> same (i already have him)

@imwetforyourmom

i just need one chance 😫

y/n -> nah bae, he’s got a brother thooo !

WATCH VIDEO?

yes scroll

COMMENTS:

@ y/n

his hair is really nice 🤭

@evieolo -> I’M SAYINGGGGG

@nickmillersn1gf

it always looks so soft and fluffyyyy

@mbbsgf -> if he ever shaved it off i would cry

y/n -> you and me both sis

@mattsneezing

yesss, i love my husband’s hairrrr 😍

y/n -> aren’t you a matt girl ?? where’s your sense of loyalty ??

@chrisstankyleg

my man is looking FINE

y/n -> girl, i don’t know how to tell you this…

@sturniolobltch

even the paparazzi is obsessed with his hair

@sturniolowhore -> can’t even blame them

@bethsturn -> he’s just so 😫

@ y/n -> you guys get it

@bernardenjoyer

biting my phone rn

y/n -> glad i’m not the only one !

@rac00ns-are-c00l4

long hair chris >>>

@ y/n -> NO FR, IDK WHY HE KEEPS CUTTING IT

WATCH VIDEO ?

yes. scroll.

COMMENTS.

@ y/n

MY MAN MY MAN MY MANNNNN

@chrisloyalgf

it’s a good day to be a chris girl

y/n -> it’s a good day to be chris’s girl

@urmom2bitch

HIS FINGERS GOOD LORD

@ y/n -> they’re long as hellll 😋

@defnotayonna -> wdym by that 🤨

@ssturniolo

chris girls, how y’all doing ??

y/n -> I’M LOSING MY MIND RN

@judespoision

i’m just a sturniolo girl atp

y/n -> AS YOU SHOULDDDD

@ y/n

HELP CHRIS JUST ASKED ME WHY THIS AUDIO HAS BEEN REPLAYING FOR SO LONG

@blueeyedbesson -> not you watching chris edits while you’re with him 😭

@ y/n -> THEY’RE SO ADDICTING

@hearts4chriss -> oh hey boo tell my man i said hey 😛

@ y/n -> oh is matt your man now ??

@ hearts4chriss -> …girl don’t play with me

@chrisstopherfilmed

GRIPPING MY SHEETS RN

@starsturniolo -> he’s so fineeeee 😩

@robins-scoop -> LIKE WHY ISN’T THIS MAN IN MY BED ??

@ y/n -> sorry y’all he’s in mine !

WATCH VIDEO ?

yes. no.

COMMENTS

@ y/n

PERIODDD YOU CLEARED SHOWING THIS TO CHRIS IMMEDIATELY

@ y/n

damnnn me and flo milli twinninggg 🤞🏾

@ christophersturniolo -> oh look at that it’s night

@readerakayourname -> CHRIS 😭

@fandomhopped -> he’s so real for that honestly

@ y/n

i’m absolutely obsessed with that first clip

@yamamasjumpercables -> i want this edit engraved in my brain

@ y/n -> no LITERALLY

@ineedchriscock

i’d let him choke me any day

@ y/n -> where is your self respect 😧 ( literally same )

@luverboychris

the only person’s babies i’d carry

@ y/n -> WHAT 😭😭 (real)

WATCH VIDEO ?

yes. no.

COMMENTS

@ y/n

his frat boy era will be missed 😔🙏

@rootbeerworshiper -> frat boy chris >>>>>

@ y/n

song choice >>>>>

@ christophersturniolo -> i wanna watch u get naked !

@ y/n -> then come over ???

@patscorner -> oh !

@junnniiieee07 -> ik those are the lyrics but i don’t think they’re joking 😭

@ y/n -> 🤫

@chr1sgirl4life -> THAT’S MY MAN MY MAN MY MANNNN 😍

@breeloveschris -> incorrect that’s MY man !

@ y/n -> idk how to tell y’all this…

@nicksmainbitch

this audio choice was the best decision you could’ve ever made

@vanteguccir -> this song is so chris coded

@55sturn -> frat boy chris + this song 😩

@mayhem-72 -> his smirk ?? are we kidding ??

@ y/n -> bros ego is INFLAMMED

he ain’t even the fart fr

WATCH VIDEO ?

yes. no.

COMMENTS

@ y/n

BODY ROCK OH I WANNA FEEL YOUR BODY ROCKKKKKKKK

@endereies

CHRIS + JUSTIN ??? THIS EATSS

@ y/n -> i’m sayingggggg

@sturniolosmind

smash !

@ y/n -> oh (i agree)

@disturbedwoodelf -> i love how no matter what chris edit i’m watching y/n is always in the comment section

@ y/n -> AND AMMM

@ mattsturniolo -> she has nothing better to do

@ y/n -> alr fuck you too then

-> and you can’t be talking you had to click at least 5 different drop down arrows to even find this reply

@ mattsturniolo -> i’m very busy actually

@ christophersturniolo -> matt you’re literally walking around the house catching pokemon

@nikolastrn -> damn they gagged you 💀

@bernardsbendystraws -> i’d rock his shit

@ y/n -> what do i even say to this

@ berbardsbendystraws -> wanna join in ??

@ y/n -> oh my 😨 (🤭)

CREDITS

@ frxy on tiktok

@ bl6tts on tiktok

@ sturniolo.vfx_ on tiktok

@ strvnloml on tiktok

@ chrislover476 on tiktok

@ edzbyang on tiktok

this took me wayyyyy too long to make, but it was so funnnn

lmk if you want more like this :)

no tag list cause i tagged y’all in the actual fic 😝

masterlist

[huihuiheart]

Inked Up - Tattoo Artist! Song Mingi

Navigation

Ateez Masterlist

Pairing:  Tattoo Artist! Mingi x Fem! Reader

Genre: Tattoo Artist Au, Smut

Summary: Your first tattoo might just be what gets you addicted to them, well at least if you could get a replay of events next time you walk up to Mingi’s door.

Warnings: Protected sex, tattooing, slight subdom themes, fingering, dirty talk, praise, nipple play, mirror sex, slight overstim, honestly very tame for my smuts.

Word Count: 2791

Your hands were shaking as you reached for the door, though whether it was from nerves or excitement you weren’t quite sure. You’d carefully planned and selected not only what your first tattoo would be and where it should go, but also who exactly your artist would be. The interesting thing was that he didn’t typically take appointments, yet when you reached out to ask to see if he would even be willing to do it considering the design and the location he made a plan with you hearing that it would be your first so that you could mentally prepare. So here you were a special exception as you built up the courage to finally open the door and walk in. 

“Well hello there, pretty thing, you made it.” Mingi chuckles from behind the little counter, stunning you not only with the rasp in his voice but also his appearance. Standing tall with his hands on the counter pulling the unbuttoned sides of his shirt farther apart and exposing just a tad more of his chest with pretty linework across it, decorated with pretty chains. “I have the design all setup and ready to get on a stencil, but why don’t you come take a look at it again first?” 

“You sure? If you’re in a rush I understand.” You insist, to which he raises a brow moving to help you with your coat rather casually. 

“Oh for you beautiful I have all the time in the world, we don’t rush art. Especially not on such a perfect canvas. I’m prepared to take all the time necessary for us to get it exactly how your pretty little heart desires love.”  Mingi practically purrs into your ear before pulling away to hang your coat now, leading the way to where he had the piece sketched out for you to look at in person finally.  

With a few minor tweaks, the stencil was ready to go and Mingi had you take a seat at his workstation, getting you some water before stepping away to make sure he had everything he would need already there and ready to go. Setting up his station before turning to you with a smile and looking over your shirt.

“Whenever you’re comfortable, go ahead and get ready and lay back for me.”  Mingi smiles at you before turning away in case you felt nervous under his gaze, busying himself with his tools and the stencil he would soon lay onto your skin. Giving you time to slip off your hoodie and bra, laying back, and taking a shaky breath to calm your nerves about being like this in front of such an attractive man before clearing your throat to bring his attention back to you. Mingi takes a moment to appreciate the sight before him, eyes darkening just slightly before he’s moving to lay out the stencil, laying the ink onto your skin before bringing a mirror over to let you take a look at how the design sat across your sternum and underboobs. 

You look over it before nodding and laying back again, “It’s exactly what I wanted, I’m ready whenever you are.” 

“I’m not going to lie to you sweetheart, this piece is gonna be intense especially since it’s your first. So before we start I need you to promise me that you’ll be a good girl and follow directions, okay?” Mingi questions, tsking softly at the tiny little nod you give, “Now that’s not going to work love, you gotta talk to be baby.”

"Okay. I'll listen." You speak quietly, Mingi reaching out with a gloved hand to place it between your breasts and gently holding the skin so. The machine clicking on in his other hand, but not yet touching your skin.

"Keep still and keep your breathing slow like this pretty thing. It'll make it easier, and if it gets to be too much then you just let me know." Mingi assures before finally marking your skin for the first time causing you to hiss softly between your teeth trying to keep your breath steady for him. Feeling as though your eyes are playing tricks on you when you catch a glimpse of the proud smirk on his face before it's hidden by his black cap as he ducks down closer to focus on the details of what he's doing.

You're sure he's taking his time for your sake, marking your skin a little until he notices you start to twitch and pulling back to wipe it off even if he doesn't quite need to yet. You're grateful if not feeling a bit guilty over him needing to go slower than you're sure he's used to. That feeling bubbles up as he pulls back even further with a soft sigh.

"Why don't we take a break sweetheart?" Mingi asks, watching as you suddenly sit to grab his wrist and catch his attention. Though the sudden motion causes you to sway, slightly lightheaded after laying there for so long. Mingi helps you to gently lay back again, urging you to take it easy.

"You don't have to take a break for my sake, I'm okay. Really." You insist, causing Mingi to chuckle though it's not cruel by any means, stopping when he notices how you unconsciously pout. 

“Sweetheart... you can’t keep still and as much as I’d like to think that it’s due to how attractive you find me... I know you need a break. So let’s both have some water and stretch and then we’ll get back to it.”  Mingi stands, helping you get up as well, “Also... there’s nothing wrong with needing a break. It’s not a problem at all.” 

“But I want to get it done today...” The way your pout deepens makes him chuckle as he hands you a bottle of water, “Besides it doesn’t hurt too bad... I just... It’s weird and like stings a little so it’s a reflex.” 

Mingi reaches out and strokes over your hair before moving to cup your jaw in his hand, “I understand, still breaks are okay so just be good and listen to me, okay?” Your little nod makes him snicker before continuing with the next order, “Drink your water sweetheart.”

He watches out of the corner of his eye as he moves to get a water bottle of his own, humming in approval as he sees you bring the bottle to your lips, smirking as he decides to add to it as well, “That’s a good girl for me.”  

You nearly choke on the water, giving out a little squeak and making his smug expression only grow. Though he gives you time to settle yourself again, as well as himself time to stretch due to how long you both had been at it. Taking your laying back once again as a sign that you were ready and coming back over as well. His hands move to grip your hips, skin brushing against yours as he does.

“Ready to start again? Gonna behave for me still?” He chuckles when you nod, already knowing that it was only a matter of time before you start to squirm again. This time though when he moves the needle away it’s not to take a break, but instead to move where he’s at. Swinging one of his legs over your hips before settling his weight down enough to keep you pinned still and resuming. 

"What happened to staying still sweet thing?" Mingi teases looking up from underneath his hat, smirking at you, "Be good for me and I'll reward you however you like." 

"Oh, however?" You hold back your chuckle, staying still, but the teasing lilt is more than obvious in your tone. Though Mingi looks at you more seriously now.

"I did say, however, didn't I? Don't tell me your mind is going somewhere scandalous sweetheart. Are we both thinking about each other in such a way right now?" Mingi leans back finally, wiping off the design one last time before setting down the machine. 

"Both of us?" You question before hissing softly through your teeth as he wipes it off with alcohol now.

"Oh, of course, someone as sweet as you is before me, how could I not be thinking such things? So sweetheart, what will it be? How shall I distract you from the pain? A sweet simple kiss? Or something... more delectable? Perhaps you'll allow me a taste? Or perhaps you want my fingers? After how you've been staring at them it seems as though you do want them."  Mingi licks his lips at the thought before his hat is off along with his gloves and he's running a hand through his hair. 

"Offering me everything, hm? You don't trust one would be enough to finish the job?" Your words are met with a pinch to your nipples.

"Don't get mouthy now that I've offered you something sweet," Mingi warns in response to your coy question, undoing the button on your pants before looking up for your approval before continuing and actually removing them. The man did not even wait another second before removing your panties as well. 

Two of his fingers slip down and tease through your folds, before a smirk fills his face once again, "Oh so wet. Is this because you have a little thing for pain? Or a thing for me?" 

"For you." You nearly whisper, but the sound of you only makes him that much smugger.

"Such a good girl speaking for me, but I feel like we're forgetting something." Mingi hums, pretending to think as he brings his fingers down between your folds again, rubbing your clit softly, "Oh right, you have to see the finished piece."

Your brows knit in confusion as you look up at him. Surely he wouldn't rip away the pleasure he's finally now giving to you. You yelp in shock as he begins to move you both, turning you to face the mirror he brought for you to approve of the stencil and slips behind you, his fingers dipping lower now to slip inside as he whispers in your ear while his eyes remain locked on you through the mirror.

"Well, sweetheart? What do you think of it? Do tell." He encouraged as if his fingers weren't working to make your brain blank at this moment. The slow steady drag of his fingers made your head fall back onto his shoulder, something he wouldn't allow. His free hand gripping your jaw to tilt your head back down and focus on the mirror once again.

"Love it." You finally moan out, eyes glazed over and just slightly misted with the thinnest prick of pleasured tears. 

"It is beautiful isn't it, but not nearly as lovely as you look all fucked out like so. Such pretty bliss painting that face of yours." Mingi praises, kissing the shell of your ear as his fingers pick up their pace, "Watch how pretty you look falling apart for me sweetheart. Be a good girl and do that for me. Okay?"

"Yes sir." Your voice is breathy caught between moans, but the groan Mingi lets out in response to your words makes the efforts entirely worth it. Mingi's fingers working you up so close to the edge, and yet it's not quite enough even as his voice in your ear adds to the pleasure.

"So fucking pretty just for me, behaving so well and listening to my every word. Now I want you to tell me what it is you need. Tell me so I can give it to you." Mingi encourages, knowing that you're toeing the line of release and just need something...anything to make it happen now. He just has a plan of his own as well.

"More, please. I need more. It's not enough." You plead the tears lining your eyes getting thicker by the second as your release is dangled right in front of you like this.

"Oh sweetheart, I need you to be specific. That or I'll have to choose for you just what exactly more is." Mingi's words may be a warning or a threat, your brain isn't sure in its hazy state at the moment. What you are sure of however is that you don't quite care. 

"You choose, I don't care. Just please give me more. I need it." Your soft begging makes him chuckle, in the next moment however his fingers are gone and you are blinking through the tears to see him bring them to his mouth a whimper leaves you when you see the way his tongue moves around them to get every drop of you from them. 

"That's for another time sweetheart." Mingi smirks, free hand moving up your back now until it's between your shoulders and pressing down, making you lean forward and your back arch, "Stay just like that for me." 

You're about to say something again until you look into the mirror to see Mingi working on slipping off his shirt now. Further exposing the pretty linework decorating his chest and waist, some dipping below his jeans and making you wonder just where it goes. Your curiosity is soon answered, however, as he takes his pants off next revealing the rest of that art, along with some decorating his thighs. Mingi leaves only his chains on as he leans over your form, looking into your eyes through the mirror as he rolls on a condom.

"Keep those pretty eyes on me while I make you feel good, hm?" He requests as he teases his tip through your folds before pushing in too slowly for your liking, with how his praise makes you tingle though you don't dare disobey him by moving.

"So good." You moan your own praise as he bottoms out, his arms taking a place on either side of your head. Letting you watch how they along with his other muscles flex as he starts to thrust, chains dangling between his form and yours and swaying as he slowly picks up the pace.

"Already so tight around me, don't tell me you're going to cum that quickly." Mingi teases slightly, but his pace picks up knowing how his fingers kept you on edge for a while. One hand slipping down beneath you to let his fingers rub at your clit quickly, "Go on then. Be a good little slut for me and cum."

With not another second to waste you do as he says and cum around his cock, twitching beneath him as you swear your vision goes out for a moment feeling oh so perfectly full and pleasured at this moment. 

"There you go... that's my good girl. You're going to keep being good for me though and this time you're going to cum with me. Do you understand?" He isn't satisfied when all he gets is a moan and a nod, pinching your clit harshly in response loving the way you cry out, "I said, do you understand?"

"Yes, sir. I understand. I'll cum with you. I will! I'll be so good for you I promise. The most perfect little slut you could ask for." You promise looking at him as a few tears finally start to fall when he goes even faster now chasing his own release.

" Oh you certainly are sweetheart, you most certainly are. I'm close now sweet thing, so cum for me. Give me that and push me over the edge." He practically growls into your ear, cold chain dancing along your back for a moment as he moves to lean back again and get better leverage to hit the spots that truly will throw you over the edge for him. The way you spasm around him through your high in effect sends him into his own release as he whispers soft curses under his breath as he rides you both through it. 

His hands catch you before your tender chest can fall onto the seat and he turns you over again. Going to get something to gently clean your legs. Getting dressed and helps you with your pants before he washes his hands and moves to sanitize your tattoo with alcohol again. His touch is delicate as he puts second skin atop the new inky design once it's clean once more.

"It'll be sore for some time and the itching will drive you mad, but I promise it'll be worth it. Come I'll give you care instructions. Though if you forget or need a distraction from the itch... I could always make a home visit." He winks, handing you a paper of instructions with his personal number scribbled at the top, "And don't worry sweetheart... for you, I'll pick up anytime."

[katuschka]

Olalla Chapter Seven

Josh Kiszka x f!OC x Jake Kiszka

So, what was supposed to be just a brief beginning of Chapter 7, turned out to be much longer than I initially planned. :D At first I considered splitting the chapter in two again, but after rereading it, I concluded that this is just a fully autonomous part, and therefore should be treated as such. As always, comments are very welcome!

4.481 words

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, intended for adult readers. Any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental. Also, if you're under 18, go find some other entertainment elsewhere.

Warnings (are spoilers): depression, angst, internal turmoil, a lot of arguing, some fluff, a very brief mention of gas chambers

If you like the story and want to get notifications, you can join the Taglist

Chapter Six 2/2 Olalla masterpost

Are you uncertain? Or just scared to drop your guard? Have you been broken? Are you afraid to show your heart? And all you never say is that you love me so All I'll never know is if you want me oh If only I could look into your mind Maybe then I'd find a sign Of all I want to hear you say to me

Agnieszka, September 2025, Zakopane

I thought I had my feelings all figured out. I knew this was inevitable…eventually, and I thought I had already made my peace with it. But deep down, I knew I hoped that we still had more time. Or…that I had more time with him, because who knows what he wanted. Probably not me.No…obviously not me. That should have made it easier. I had been convinced that it should work that way, and that’s why I always pushed other guys away – so that they wouldn’t love me. But once again, Joshua proved me wrong. 

Your rational mind keeps telling you to let go, but that’s like telling an addict to just stop. Perhaps at least one more kiss. One more kiss and then I’ll stop…

And that’s a lie. 

Because the truth is, I did get to see him. I even got to touch him again. He held my hand for a little while in that hospital room, but I was so shaken by the whole situation that I only barely noticed how his thumb gently stroked my knuckles. I wish I could go back to that moment, to savour it more, to remember how it felt and not just that it happened. Rationally, that wish makes no sense. How could it possibly make me feel better, knowing that it was over no matter what? I remembered how his dick felt, and that didn’t make me feel better.  

But that’s what you keep wanting: More. Or worse, even something that was never there. Surely, acquaintances, or even friends, don’t do this, right? That’s what you just keep thinking. That’s what I was thinking. And the way he looked at me then. It was just a stolen glance, but it felt like a whole song. I kept replaying those moments in my head on our way back home…well, my home…when Jake’s silence finally left me with my own thoughts and I could focus on them fully. I was still hopeful back then. 

I was, once again, a fool. 

After Jake walked out the door and crushed that hope, I felt as if he left me stranded on a desert island without water. It was a sudden shock I failed to prepare myself for. It felt like falling down the dark abyss for a split second, but the head-spinning sensation was replaced by complete numbness before I could hit the ground, figuratively speaking. Feeling completely disconnected with my body, including the heart, I just kept standing there without moving for a while. Dumbstruck. It could have been five minutes, it could have been more, and it doesn’t really matter. I was stupefied. I remember I just couldn’t feel anything. It was impossible to lift an arm, let alone think. 

The first thing I became really conscious of after a while were my eyelids, blinking slowly. I swallowed when the first fat tears fell down from my eyelashes onto my cheeks. The tingling sensation that started somewhere behind my eyeballs made me aware of my surroundings once again. It quickly spread like acid up my forehead and across my cheeks and I started crying in earnest to relieve that ache. 

I remember I thought that I couldn’t let anyone see me. My stupidity was humiliating and I was sure everyone was sick and tired of my neverending sorrows. I hated myself for letting it affect me like that. I didn’t want to fall in love at all. How could I let myself fall so hard? I mustered all my remaining energy to hide behind the counter where I crouched on the ground and wept silently until mother found me. I know I must have scared her. After she made sure I wasn’t physically hurt, she started yelling something, but I didn’t listen. I didn’t care, because she never approved of any of this. Not because she saw me suffering, but because the reasons weren’t worth it in her eyes. She wore the judgement written on her face, even when she was worried about me. 

Both Maya and dad noticed. They noticed how I fell…for him. Mother never understood me, and I never tried to make her. She couldn’t comprehend it, because she had searched for, and found, someone who stayed. I never really cared about her approval of my actions, but once in a while, an understanding hug would be nice. I was really and truly destined to spend my life alone and lonely. Like a wandering she-wolf, running up and down these hills. 

I didn’t try to explain what happened, I didn’t argue. It just forced me to move and search for more solitude upstairs.

In my dreamlike state, I passed my own door and continued up the steep wooden stairs that lead to what used to be his room for that bittersweet, fleeting moment. I stepped inside just when the last sun rays illuminated the inner window frame before they disappeared for the night. It felt like they disappeared forever, turning my world grayish blue before the black rot would take over everything. 

Once again driven by the self-destructive force, I climbed on the bed and buried my face in the pillow just like I would bury it in his hair. His crumpled comforter was welcoming, too. It still held his musky scent. I pulled it up to my chin and kept inhaling. I wrapped my arms around the blanket and rubbed my face in it, as if it was a ragdoll version of him. Pathetic, I know.

I lay motionless as the room grew completely dark and long after that too, until shallow sleep released me from my misery and replaced it with the sound of his voice, singing again on top of the mountain. He wasn’t alone though, I could hear two voices now. I spent the whole night there. It felt more like a hallucination than a dream. 

And then I woke up, feeling flat and numb. It was still almost dark outside when I opened my eyes. I could still hear the song inside my head, even though it was slowly fading into nothing, replaced by much more mundane sounds of passing cars, flushing toilets, quick brew kettles and footsteps on the wooden stairs somewhere in the house. One can only keep staring at the ceiling for so long, and when the first sun rays hit the tree leaves outside the window, I realized that I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life in such a limbo. It was time to wake up. I just didn't know how yet. Exhausted both mentally and physically, I couldn’t bring myself to move.   

Nature took care of that at last, finally forcing me to get up and drag my tired body to the bathroom. 

My own reflection in the mirror startled me. Last night took its toll on me, but it had been a gradual process. My hair and the dark circles under my eyes could be fixed with a shower and more sleep, but those hollowed cheeks and bitten lips ornated with scabs and swellings did not appear overnight. 

My grandma would understand. And then she’d yell at me for doing this to myself. 

She was still here when Dominik died. Back then she told me that people leave but we’re still here, and as long as there’s still enough fresh air to breathe, we have to keep on trying. She loved fresh air, always kept talking about how much… and when someone asked why, she scared the shit out of them by telling them that when she drew her first breath, it was full of ash from Oswiecim. When she first told me, I couldn’t sleep for two nights. 

It was melodramatic, and disgustingly morbid and essentially bullshit. The wind couldn’t reach them here, but the words did, and as soon as my great grandmother heard what had happened to other pregnant women not so far away, she threw her rosary into the wood burning stove. That’s what shaped them and that’s what they passed on to me. Sometimes I forget. I didn’t listen to her the first time my heart broke. I was determined to do it now. 

It was time to open the window and let the fresh air in. 

I was systematic. I put the sheets and towels in the washing machine, I washed the teacups he had stacked on his bedside table, while the morning wind took away the last whiffs of his warm body. I put the malachite stone in a tin box and buried it in the garden. I could never throw it away, but I thought I could also never wear it again. I couldn’t even look at it. 

As if burning my wedding dress ever helped… So, half an hour later, I dug it up. Saying goodbye and trying to forget the unforgettable are two completely different things with completely different consequences. That’s what Joshua taught me. I wasn’t going to forget that. 

After I was done with all of that, it was time to take care of myself. Shower, food, clean clothes, even a face mask. All done with equally strong determination. Even though I had to force myself to eat my breakfast, I just did it, without anyone else telling me I should this time. That, alone, was a success. Just mere hours after I felt like my whole being was disintegrating, I was finally taking care of myself. The sun was already high up in the sky when I realized that I didn’t even know what time it was…

Jake tried to call. 

At first I didn’t even know. I missed the first three phone calls as I had left everything at the back seat of my car the previous evening. Holding the phone in my trembling hand. I decided not to call back. I simply couldn’t. What was there to gain? 

I was just sipping on my second coffee that day, watching the outline of Giewont as if I saw it for the first time, when the phone rang again, giving me heart palpitations once again. I couldn’t stand it. I watched the lightened screen for several seconds before I declined the call. Only several more seconds passed when the screen lit up again with a brief message: “Please! Pick up.” I replied this time, asking him to leave me alone, and then I blocked him. 

As days went by, it got easier. I kept working on autopilot at first, but as September came and the trees started to turn gold, I felt a surge of energy and, perhaps, hope. Nature always did this to me. Every change of season always felt like a new beginning.

Indian Summer is a busy time of the year, because the weather is warm and stable. The place was packed and it kept me occupied during most days. Early evenings were tough at first, because the alpenglow always reminded me: how he sang, how his teeth chattered until I used my own body heat to warm him, or how he talked about love that would never go away. And he was right. I could never stop loving either of them; one buried in the ground, the other one far away. Both of them forever out of reach, but forever in my heart. I would never be the same. It was meant to be like that, and I made my peace with it. After a week, my resolution to keep on living grew stronger. I was fully determined to do so. Days went by, and my senses returned. Once again, I could smell the yellowing grass and rotting needles. I loved that. Soon we would be buried in snow and then the Spring would come again, making the meadows bloom and hawks screech. Life is strange; full of pain, but abundant with wonders. 

A few more days passed. Then, on Wednesday evening, just when I felt it was all over and I could finally breathe again, the business phone rang, the foreign number on the screen strangely familiar. My breath hitched when I saw it. What could he possibly want? Why can’t they let me live in peace? With one hand gripping the polished wood of the reception counter, I finally answered.

“This is Willa Eulalia, Agnieszka Sikorska speaking. How can I help you?”

“Hello, veela.” It was the blackberry jam voice again. Just as bittersweet. It sounded soothing once, but I still remembered too well how venomous it could be when he wanted to bite, and I shivered at the sound again now. I wasn’t going to let him hurt me again. 

“What do you want, Mr. Kiszka?” 

I heard him sigh and take a deep breath again. It took him a moment to respond, and I was getting impatient. “I have a favor to ask,” he finally breathed out, his tone low and hesitant.

A favour?!? He had no right to ask me any favours.  “No, I’m afraid I cannot help you.”

“Please, Agnieszka, listen to m…” No, I didn’t listen to him. I hung up.

The next morning, he had the audacity to walk into the lobby. 

I was just going through new reservations when the doorbell rang. We usually kept the front door open only during check-in hours, our guests having their own keys. That day, I left the door unlocked as I was working down there anyway, but the person behind it obviously didn’t know. I checked the camera above the main entrance and froze. He was standing there with his head bent down, hands in his pockets and his long hair tied in a low, messy bun. Equally attractive – and equally lethal – as the one that robbed me of my peace. Well, they both did, in the end. 

I felt on edge all of the sudden, my fight-or-flight response fully activated. It was too late to lock the door now, because he would hear it click. I couldn’t leave the entrance unattended either. I waited with baited breath for him to give up and turn to leave, but instead the bell rang again, making me even more agitated. I couldn’t move, as the sudden realization hit. Was he alone? I tried to calm my beating heart by closing my eyes and taking a few deep breaths, while my hands started shaking. That was a state he found me in when he finally tried his luck, opened the door and stepped inside, startling me even more. 

I expected him to be angry, but found only concern and confusion in his eyes. Well, anger would have been more palatable, as I couldn’t stomach his pity, or whatever it was. He took off his sunglasses, looked at the door, then back at me. “Why?” That was all he asked.    

“Please, just leave,” I whispered.

“Agnieszka, I beg you…”

I’m Pani Sikorska to you,” I interrupted him coldly. 

He slapped the counter with both hands, making me jump. “Fair enough. Treat me like a vermin, if that makes you feel better. I don’t mind. And I know I deserve it. But please, listen to me, because I’m here because of him. What happened…it’s all my fault. And… it has nothing to do with how he feels about you…,” he paused for a brief second before he continued: “I probably shouldn’t say any more.” He looked defeated all of the sudden. 

“Not a vermin. Just a stranger, Mr. Kiszka, “ I reminded him once again that it was him who had set those boundaries. I also wondered what he was talking about. What happened? Well, apart from treating me like a whore who was responsible for his brother’s accident, that is. My own train of thought made my blood boil again. “What do you want? What do you want now? And what are you doing here, anyway? Why aren’t you back home already?” 

He nodded, as if he had been expecting all those questions. “That’s the reason why I’m here, actually,” he paused again, as if contemplating something, before he looked straight into my eyes again and continued: “...but mainly to tell you that I’m sorry. So, I’m sorry Agnieszka, and I need your help.” His voice cracked slightly at that point, and the previous concern in his eyes transformed into genuine worry. He looked very tired, too. 

“Why?” I asked tentatively and stood up slowly to be eye level with him. 

“Because Josh is not well.” 

We just stood there looking at each other apprehensively for a few seconds, before I grabbed my keys and went to lock the door. I could feel his eyes on me the whole time. Only when I turned back to him, he finally relaxed. “Tea?” I motioned towards the kitchen. 

“Yes, please,” he smiled ruefully. “And thank you.” He wasn’t thanking me for the tea. I knew that. 

“So… what’s going on?” I asked after I placed the cups on the table and took my seat opposite to him. “The two of you never left Krakow?” 

“No. He can’t fly in his condition. The doctor said we would have to wait at least two more weeks. Three, preferably. I even called the consulate for more information and asked for someone who could give me another medical opinion. It could be done, but at our own risk, and I finally decided that I didn’t want to take that risk. But…that’s not an issue.” 

He paused to take a sip and I expected him to continue, but he just kept staring at a knot on the wooden table, tracing the outline with his finger. He was restless. “Ok, so what’s the issue?” I asked impatiently. “And what exactly do you need me for?” I tried to stay calm…and aloof, just to make it clear that I wasn’t going to let him fuck with me again. But inwardly, I was screaming. He was scaring me, suddenly avoiding eye contact, while I was growing more and more impatient. “Jake!”

He sighed and – toying with a teaspoon now – finally started talking again. He still refused to look at me. “When I arrived at the hospital, he…got agitated. And his condition worsened. They put him back in ICU for the night, and I had to leave, because…because we argued and…well, not my best moment. Anyway... Mom could stay for only a few days before she had to fly back home. Since then, it was just the two of us. They kept him in the hospital for over a week, because he wasn’t eating properly and refused to get out of bed. Things got slightly better then, and I booked a nice hotel room for us eventually…that’s where we’re at now. But I’m at wit’s end. He’s regressing. He hasn’t eaten anything since Monday evening, he spends the whole day staring at the ceiling and he refuses to talk to me. He’s in a bad place, obviously. Everytime I try to drag him out of it, he just turns his back to me and pretends to be sleeping. And I understand that, because he’s mad at me, but…”

He paused again to take another sip, because his voice was getting squeaky. “The doctor said that it’s only natural in his condition, and that it will get better eventually, but it bothers me greatly. I know it’s not just because of the injury. This is so unlike him. So… I’m here to ask for your help. I thought, if we could just stay here…”

The teaspoon slipped through his fingers and fell on the table with a clang that made us both wince. One part of me was heartbroken by the things Jake said, the other part was just astonished by the audacity of his request. It hurt to hear that Joshua was in a bad state, and the caretaker in me was refusing to tell Jake no, but I had to take care of myself too, because no one else did. Would it hurt to see Joshua again? Most certainly. And why should I do that, anyway? 

“I’m a maid, not a nurse.”

“I know I’m asking a lot, especially considering how I treated you last time we met. And I’m not asking you to take care of him. I will do that. I just…we just…I think we just need a better place to stay. We’ve spent half of our adult life in hotel rooms, away from the people we love, and at a certain point it just started to ruin our lives and now it just snowballed and… I don’t know what to do now. I don’t know who else to ask for help. I’ll understand if you refuse, and maybe it was a bad idea all along, but I had to try. I can’t call mom. She’d be mad with worry.” The words were pouring out of him like flood and when at last he paused again to catch his breath, his eyes bore into me with familiar intensity. They were so similar, yet they told a different story. I couldn’t help being fascinated by that. 

A better place to stay. Why did both of them have to be so cryptic all the time? I glanced out of the window, trying to process everything Jake just said, when it suddenly dawned on me and my head snapped back. “What do you mean, ‘just the two of you’?!” I barked. 

He squeezed his eyes shut and scrubbed his hand across his face, as if my question was giving him a headache. Maybe it was. “Christopher left before I got back to the hospital.”  

“What? Why?”

“Because he asked him who you were and what really happened…and Josh told him.” 

I stared at him as if he just pierced me with an icicle. “And what did he tell him?”

“I wasn’t there...” He leaned back on his chair and crossed his arms defensively. It was clearly something he didn’t want to talk about. Well, too late.

“Jake…”

“It’s not my place to tell, ok? I’ve already done enough damage.” 

“Oh, and you think this makes it better…” He didn’t respond. Now it was my time to become restless. I stood up and started pacing the small room. I felt like a marionette in some puppet show they all played together, only it all felt too real to me.

And I felt like a marionette, too, throwing my arms around with each sentence I spat at him: “You know what? It doesn’t matter. Whatever he told him, it clearly wasn’t something I’d enjoy hearing. Thankfully, he didn’t even bother telling me. At least you were honest. Go to hell! Both of you.”  

He stood up too, pushing the chair away with a squeak. “What the fuck do you mean? He tried to call you as soon as they let him use my phone! But you rejected him! He was a MESS after that last message you sent. And I was so mad! It only convinced me that I was right about you. Well, just like now. It just shows I was! And this was a mistake. You never cared. So, fuck you very much and have a nice day.” He was just turning to leave again when I lost it. 

“YOU THINK I WASN’T A MESS?!? When you told me that my services were no longer needed? I didn’t pick up the phone, because I was just trying to get my own shit together, and too scared to hear more of what you had to tell, Mr. Kiszka. I risked my ass when I went searching for your brother ALONE in a fucking storm! He was hypothermic when I found him, and I spent the whole night up there keeping him warm. Why do you think I did that, huh? Fuck you too! Asshole!” 

It never occurred to me that it might have been Joshua calling. But at that time, it didn’t really matter. I was just trying to be a functional human being again. All those years of having been a shitty person hit me like a boomerang and bit me in the ass the moment I saw Christopher in Joshua’s hospital room and became a third wheel in this farce. And now this. It just hurt. I knew too well what kind of information could possibly make Christopher leave, but the idea only made me feel nauseous, because even the unlikely possibility that it might be the case suddenly opened the wound that only just started to heal. It’s the kind of information that’s supposed to make you feel better, but it felt like a huge stone in my stomach. It was a huge mess, and it left us all hurting. And I was to blame, too. 

When we finished yelling at each other, we stood facing each other for a while, eyes wide, fists clenched and nostrils wide. 

I swallowed hard and my eyes finally welled with tears.  And when he finally moved, I expected him to leave for good this time. I buried my face in my hands, so I didn’t notice that he just moved around the table, until I felt his fingertips wrap gently around my forearms. He pulled my hands away and looked into my eyes again, his brows furrowed with concern. “I’m sorry, veela. This is all my fault.” 

I sobbed violently and he hugged me. It was unexpected, but suddenly very welcome. I hadn’t even realized how much I needed someone’s warm touch, and his was strangely comforting. I let him stroke my hair and he let me sink my fingernails into his half exposed chest. 

“Ok, bring him along,” I mumbled after a while, with my lips almost touching his clavicle. 

“What?” He pulled away a little, so that he could look at me again. 

“Bring him along,” I repeated, wiping my tears with my fingertips. “I have almost no apartments left right now, except his old little attic room, but the one just next to it will be free on Saturday, so I can book them both for you. It’s not much, but…”

“No, it’s perfect. Thank you.”   

I invited him to stay for lunch, but he declined politely, because he couldn’t linger. He had to go back to Krakow so that Joshua wouldn’t be alone for too long. It was obvious Jake worried about him very much, and it made my heart hurt even more. But we were going to make this better…

I went to see him off all the way to his rental car across the street. After we said goodbye and hugged again briefly I handed him a large package full of homemade mushroom pastries and chocolate doughnuts for Joshua. 

He opened the car door and hesitated, turning to me one more time. “You know…you really should know that he…”

“No, don’t. You were right. It’s not your place to tell.”

@its-interesting-van-kleep @edgingthedarkness @writingcold @thewritingbeforesunrise @lvnterninthenight @fleet-of-fiction @takenbythemadness @myownparadise96 @gvfstuddedmajesty @josh-iamyour-mama @jazzyfigz @tripthelightfantastix @sanguinebats @love-isnt-greed @klarxtr @kiszkas-canvas @wetkleenex-gvf @clownstarr @lipstickitty @Dayumclarizzel @gvfmarge @emojakekiszka @hollyco @lizzys-sunflower @fleetingjake

[professorsparklepants]

Spotify | Youtube (lyricless) | Youtube (with translated lyrics)*

a voice came to me in a dream saying that i could make a life and death companions playlists using only kpop songs. and that voice? was kim dokja.

*flashing warning for Killing Me

TRACKLIST BELOW THE CUT

Illusion | aespa

Follow me, come and get illusion Swallow it all at once, delicious Irresistible bait, hook up Feeding on attention and growing up

Did I pick this song just because it had the word dokkaebi in it? Maybe. But you can't deny it's a starstream bop.

Deep | Hyo

Hiding sharp teeth, tension with you I predict eyes to eyes, explore it with you Oh you can take it? Won't be easy, you'll see Like the waves I'll hit you, whip up the water, deeper into me

This was the last song I added, but "two sharks circling each other in the water as a metaphor for a relationship" is SO early joongdok.

Camo | BoA

Hey baby, in the darkness with all the lights off I've hidden my shadow, I can't be tied down To some place tonight, my face has changed My heart is moving, but my camouflage will hide it I still don't know, yeah, my own heart The thick colors of the camouflage cover up the new world that'll surprise me

The dowager queen of kpop delivers a Kim Dokja song through and through.

Drunk-Dazed | ENHYPEN

I feel it, my head's in a daze daze daze I'm addicted, I replay-play-play The way you want it, go as far as you can to reach it Trapped in the carnival wow wow

[slaps Yoo Joonghyuk] this boy can fit so much timeloop trauma inside him

Want | Taemin

(Hot, Hot) Teasing you slowly (Hot, hot) Making you fall for me without limit (Hot, hot) Waking you up from the silence underneath your deep sea (Hot, hot) Will leave you wanting more, thirsting for more

I can't do a kpop themed shipping playlist and NOT include the King of Hoe Anthems himself.

Devil By the Window | TXT

Waste, waste away in the gutter with me No, I can't tell what is fake in my reality I see the waves, see the waves wash over me Oh, stay, you can stay when you're tempted to leave

Deja Vu | Dreamcatcher

Me deleting Lucifer by SHINee from the playlist because the lyrics don't fit: OTL

Me when I find another kpop song about Devils that's also way gayer: 😈

So now, I'm holding this pain Like you, who has thrown everything away Each day gets clearer Endlessly before me, oh deja vu Oh deja vu, oh deja vu, Oh deja vu, so I've fallen now Till the day I run out of breath, I can't let you go again Because we'll spend every moment together Don't get any further away from me

This is the only surviving entry from when this was 100% a joke playlist and not partially serious.

Psycho | Red Velvet

You got me feeling like a psycho, psycho People keep telling us As we fight like it's our last but then we get along They don't get it, it's so funny

Dysfunctional relationship anthem.

Killing Me | Chungha

Forgotten again these days The time has stopped When does it end? Try to pretend I'm used to it by now Something just fell apart What fell is the broken heart Future is trapped and has collapsed Everything is because of you

Is is really a joongdok playlist without at least one depressed breakup song?

Fiction | Highlight (formerly Beast)

Like this again (fiction in fiction) I can't end it (fiction in fiction) I am writing the story that will never end in my heart I will hold onto you (fiction in fiction) I won't let you go (fiction in fiction) I'm in the story of you and i that hasn't ended still, even today in fiction

I know Kim Dokja is the reader and not the writer but I couldn't NOT.

Heroine | Sunmi

In this drama of just us two The true hero was you, baby Yeah today you're being you Like a brilliant hero Just do as you have always done Even if that's playing the villain Even if that makes me sad You've got to be yourself Even if that hurts me, even if it's a sad ending The show must go on

This is the first song I added, honestly. Perfect for them.

What Can I Do | Day6

What am I to you? Do you even have feelings for me? Every time I meet you, you change Feels like I know you, but then I don't You meet all the people in the world but you have no time to give me? You're too much, why do you drive me so crazy?

I found this on a list of the gayest kpop songs.

Star | Loona

You're in my mind when I'm asleep I'm seeing stars sink in these dreams I don't wanna spend these hours with nobody else I'm in your mind, you're my dreams I'm freaking out I don't wanna leave But so selfishly I want you and nobody else

I debated between Voice (Korean version) and Star (English version) but then I realized Star has lines that can be read as the possession thing so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Untouchable | Everglow

Tell me now, tell me now you want me Your feeling can be seen clearly like mine You and I are like one, we're so alike Talk about, talk about us, I want you My feeling can be seen clearly like yours Whatever people say, we're untouchable

Battle couple anthem.

Feel Special | Twice

You make me feel special No matter how the world brings me down Even when hurtful words stab me I smile again cause you're there That's what you do One moment I feel like I'm nothing at all Like no one would notice if I were gone But then when I hear you calling me, I feel loved I feel so special

When I realized I could put this song on this playlist I cackled.

Fairy of Shampoo | TXT

I don't feel lonely when I see you Even if I'm with my sad heart It just disappears far away Dear, you are my fairy of shampoo From this moment on, I will love you

This song is so fucking funny. Me and the woman from a shampoo commercial I have a parasocial relationship with.

Survive the Night | The Boyz

A crying child pouring starlight I got lost in the night I'm still lost there Though I realize it all I have to get out of here, warning warning warning Towards you running running running Small fragments and intersecting sensations only faint traces remember you I endure the dawn without you again, oh yeah

[pours one out for Kim Dokja's entire personal timeline]

Into the New World | Girls Generation

I love you, just like this The longed end of wandering I leave behind this world's unending sadness In the many unknowable paths I follow a dim light It's something we'll do together to the end Into my new world

Joongdok can have a protest song about reaching the end of the scenarios together. As a treat.

[mxrcjqckspnchqsc]

Promise?

Pairing: Max Mayfield x GN!reader

Pt2: Lost You.

Summary: You get targeted by Vecna instead of Max and she can't risk losing you

Genre: Fluff/Angst

TW: mentions of drug abuse, mentions of death, blood, gore, violence, language, romance themes, and the usual stranger things theme.

A/N: Your favorite song is Everybody Wants To Rule The World by Tears for Fears cause

1: It's good and it's a song from the 80s

2: Cause why not.

Also I gave you a random trauma that is based off Stephanie Brown's home life in Gotham Knights so your mom is a drug addict and your dad doesn't care about getting her help, just making her addiction worse.

NOW ENJOY THIS ONE-SHOT/IMAGINE THAT MOST DEFINITELY ISN'T PROOFREAD!!!

This Vecna creep was targeting you, out of all people. The moment when you found out you were next replayed in your mind, maybe it was because it happened yesterday or because you couldn't think of anything else. You were gonna die, there was nothing left for you to say.

*8 hours earlier*

Max looked at Chrissy and Fred's files, seemly piecing things together. They both had trauma, got nosebleeds, got headaches, and even has recurring nightmares.

But more importantly, you pieced something else. You also have been getting the same symptoms but you brushed it off, thinking it was nothing and now that it could be something scared you.

As the group went looking through the files, you heard something. And at first, you thought your mind was playing tricks on you till you heard the chime again.

"Don't you think this is strange Y/N?" Max asked.

The group looked at you, waiting for an answer. But when that didn't get one, they instantly got worried.

"Y/n? Hello?" Lucas tried getting your attention, waving his hand in your face.

"Stop that," Max scolded him.

"This isn't normal for them to do that, right?" Robin asked.

"Definitely isn't normal," Max answered.

You walked out of the room with your flashlight and walked to where you heard the chimes, it would ring four times. You took notice of that when you came upon it, it was a clock, more importantly it was a grandfather clock.

Which you thought was strange since most people don't use those, it wasn't the 50s anymore. But what really shook you was when you finally walked up on it, the glass shattered and spiders began to crawl out.

You gasped out of horror and shock but just then you heard the group trying to get your attention and you weren't in the hallway anymore, you were still standing in the counselor's office.

"Y/n, are you okay?" Nancy asked.

Steve wiped the blood off your nose. "You didn't feel that?" He asked.

"Sorry, just zoned out for a second." You lied.

The group didn't believe you but didn't want to budge any further. Well until you took a flashlight and left the room.

"Y/n, where are you going?" Dustin asked.

The group followed you into the end of the hallway where you stood there, confused.

"I don't understand, it was right here." You stated aloud which made the group wonder.

"Y/n, what do you mean? What was right here?" Max asked.

"The clock, it was uh a grandfather clock, it was right here." You exclaimed. And now it was gone, making you look crazy. "This doesn't make sense,"

"What doesn't make sense?" Robin asked.

"It feels like my mind is playing tricks on me," Y/n revealed before making the realization. "Eddie said that when Chrissy went to him that she looked shaken up?"

"Yeah but what does this have to do with you seeing a grandfather clock?" Dustin asked.

"What if she was shaken up before she also saw the clock?" Y/n asked. "And didn't she die like what eight hours later after that?"

"Y/n, what are you saying?" Max asked, not wanting to know what she was thinking become a reality.

"If I just saw the clock now then I might die tomorrow," Y/n confessed. "I've been having the same symptoms as them but I thought they were nothing and now I'm gonna die, oh my god, I'm gonna die." You panicked.

"Y/n, you're not gonna die." Lucas assured you.

"Yeah, you should know by now that we're not gonna let anything bad happen to you." Max concluded.

"And especially not by this vecna creep," Steve added.

"We're gonna kick his ass like we did to all the other monsters," Dustin reasoned.

"And what if you guys don't save me in time? My eyes are gonna get goued out, my bones are gonna snap, and you guys are gonna be at my funeral right? Please tell me you'll be there." Y/n pleaded

"When the time comes yes but you're not dying, not yet." Robin said.

"There has to be a way to save you, there just has to be." Nancy spoke aloud.

Max walked towards you and took your hands and held them gently.

"Hey," She spoke softly. "We- I'm not gonna let him get you, alright?"

You looked up and her and met her eyes, looking to see if she was lying and you were relieved to see that she wasn't but you still had to ask

"Promise?" You asked.

"Promise," Max confirmed.

*8 hours later*

After that, you've been chilling in the Wheeler's basement with the group.

Minus Nancy and Robin, who went to Pennyhurst alyum because they were convinced that Victor Creel the answer to escaping Vecna.

You think about the letters you have written to the group and wonder if you should give it to them so they would have something to remember you by when you die.

You stand up and turn to the group, who stared at you in confusion.

"Here," You gave Steve a letter, he smiled softly as you gave the others letters. "Those are for Nancy, Robin, and the others." You put their letters down on the table.

The group began to open the letters when you panicked.

"No, don't open them now!" You exclaimed. "It's for after you know," You looked away.

"Y/n, we're not gonna let anything happen to you, you know that." Lucas reassured you.

"I know," Y/n exhaled. "Can we go to my house? If I am dying today, it definitely won't be in this shitty basement." You tried to joke but no one laughed.

"Are you sure you wanna go home?" Steve asked. "I mean after everything that happen-"

"Yes!" You replied instantly, not wanting the three teens to know about your home life.

"Okay," Steve shurgged.

They went to your house and memories became more visible in your mind, memories that you wanted to block away but you couldn't, they were your family after all.

"Stay here, I'll be right back." You told the group.

Max grabbed your wrist before you could go up the steps.

"You sure you don't want one of us to come with you?" Max asked.

"I'm just going to my room," You lied. "I'll be out in a minute."

"Okay," Max seemed to have brought your lie.

...

You sighed and walked into a place that was supposed to bring happy memories but instead brought you nightmares. Now you really wished you have taken Max's offer to her coming with you inside. You reached the dining room and that's when you saw it. It was bag, the type you would get from the pharmacy but it was in your name.

You grew confused as you haven't been to the doctors recently and when you went to pick up the bag, it was already empty. Then you realized that your whole house was pitch black except for one place, the bathroom.

You gulped as you made your way into bathroom and when you looked inside, you nearly broke, you saw her. You saw your mom.

"Mom?" You called out reaching for her.

She ignored you and continued looking through the medicine cabinet.

"Mom cmon stop, this isn't healthy." You tried to drag her out of the bathroom.

"It's just one pill sweetie, I'll be fine." Y/m/n told you.

"Wait, is that in my name? Mom." You

You went to grab the pills from her when she pushed you away.

"Don't be mean to your mom Y/n, don't you want to make her feel better?" Y/f/n asked.

"Dad you don't understand!" You exclaimed. "She's so addicted that she got the pills in my name!"

"You're helping her feel better Y/n, this is the right thing." He tried to reassure you.

You believed him for a slight second till you realized that this wasn't real, your dad was in jail while your mom was in and out of rehab.

"I have to go," You tried to excuse yourself and began to walk toward the door when your dad stopped you as he grabbed your wrist. "Dad, let go. I have to go,"

"Do you, do you really?" He asked.

And when you turned to look at him, you took a sharp inhale, you weren't looking at your dad anymore. You were stating at him, Vecna.

...

"They're taking too long," Max noticed.

"They want to be alone Max, we should just leave them be." Dustin tried to reassure her.

"No Max is right, Y/n wouldn't take this long." Lucas agreed with Max.

"Yeah, especially not in that house." Steve stated. "I'll be right back, you guys stay here."

"Whatever," Max mumbled, wishing it was her going after you and not Steve.

...

You escaped Vecna's grasp and ran out of the house, looking for the one person who always made you feel safe.

"Max!" Y/n exclaimed. "Max where are you? Please help me! Max!"

"No one can help you now Y/n," Vecna's voice loomed in the air.

...

Steve walked into the house and found you just standing there. The teens watched from the car as he tried to get your attention.

"Y/n," He shook you lightly. "Y/n?"

When you didn't respond that's when he really began to worry.

"Y/n!" Steve exclaimed. "Y/n, this isn't funny."

Max instantly left the car and made her way to you, she shook you lightly.

"Y/n, it's me Max. Can you hear me?" Max asked.

Then Dustin and Lucas came to the scene soon after you didn't answer Max's question, they knew something was wrong.

"Y/n?" Lucas called your name. "Y/n, are you there? Can you hear us?"

Steve grabbed Dustin by his hoodie and told very direct directions.

"You get that radio and talk to Robin and Nancy fast!" He exclaimed pushing Dustin away as he ran back to the car. "Y/n! Cmon wake up,"

[overheard-on-base]

Y'all ever heard boss man listening to music?

I mentioned in a post before that I have actually heard him listening to music. What I didn't mention is that we've heard this on several occasions. Here's the list of some of the songs we've heard and my thoughts on why he likes them:

Welcome To My Life by Simple Plan (the one I mentioned before. This one came more obviously after seeing his face for the first time and finding out he's a kid with issues. My guess is he personally relates to the song)

Canary in a Coal Mine by The Cranewives (this is a running theory but we think someone important to him pretended to care for him but just used him for their own gain *cough* Batman *cough cough*)

Funhouse by P!nk (clown trauma, he's quite open about his clown trauma)

My Alcoholic Friends by Dresdendolls (I think he spent part of his childhood around addicts of some kind and it feels weirdly nostalgic to him but it hurts more than regular nostalgia cuz it wasn't a happy time but it was easier than it is now)

Brutus by the Buttress (frankly I think this is his battle theme. He probably listens to this before getting in a fight to hype himself up. We once heard him yelling "BRUTUS BRUTUS BRUTUS BRUTUS" loud enough to get through the really thick walls)

Runs in the Family by Amanda Palmer (batman trauma? He replays the ending bit over and over again. The one that starts with "Mary have mercy now look what I've done but don't blame me because I can't help where I've come from." could be a bit of Gotham trauma? Fun fact he can sing that whole song really easily and I think it's to do with not having lungs)

The Bird Song by Florence and the Machine (killing things trauma. He mentioned once an offhanded comment about having to eat a raw rat in the asylum once so maybe it's about that?)

It's Alright by Mother Mother (he cries while listening to this so I think it's him imagining if things were different?)

Welcome Home, Son by Radical Face (he's a kid, he misses his family, he wants to go home. If we can help even just a little bit by being here, whether the plan goes through or not, then it'll be worth it.)

[cicimunson]

Sweet Child of Mine Part 6

Series Summary: You’re Eddie’s former best best friend. The two of you drifted apart freshman year of high school and now you’re more enemies than anything else. Despite the hostility between the two of you, you still come around to help out with his eleven-month-old sister, Emma, who he and Wayne keep most of the time due to his father being in jail and his mother being an addict.

Also, I know Sweet Child O’ Mine didn’t come out until 1988, but the song is just so perfect for the story.

Pairings/Characters: Eddie Munson x Female Reader, Wayne Munson, OC characters Emma Munson, Wendy Munson and Greg Thompson.

Word Count: 2k+

Chapter Summary: Emma sees the specialist and Eddie is devastated over the results. You comfort him, and feelings stir between the two of you, much to Wayne's delight.

Warnings: Eddie is upset, talks of Emma's developmental delays, reader mildly injures herself, mentions of blood (I think that' s all, please let me know if I missed anything.

Part 1|Part 2|Part 3|Part 4|Part 5

Eddie is silent, loading Emma into the van without saying a word. You slide into the passenger's seat, sitting quietly. Emma can tell something is wrong, fussing and slapping up at Eddie as he buckles her in.

Eddie gets into the driver's seat. He rubs his face with both hands and pushes his hair out of his face. You hear his breath catch and he chokes back a sob.

"Eddie, not here." You murmur softly. "Drive."

He nods and starts the van. The three of you ride in silence, Eddie not even cutting on the radio as he grips the wheel so tightly his knuckles turn white.

When you get back to the trailer you take Emma inside and hand her to Wayne, then rush back out to the van.

Eddie is still sitting in the driver's seat, his expression unreadable. You know he's replaying the specialist's words in his head.

Obvious developmental delays.

Cognitive skills are months behind.

"He said we can help her. There's a chance with her being so young she can catch up."

He doesn't respond.

"We can get a second opinion." You suggest, despite knowing nothing you say will help.

He still doesn't say anything.

"Eddie, talk to me, please."

He's still gripping the steering wheel, squeezing it so tightly you worry he's going to hurt himself.

"Eddie, I know you're worried. I am, too. But Emma is gonna be fine. She has us. We'll get her all the help she needs."

Tentatively, cautiously, so painfully slowly, you reach out and touch Eddie's hand. He flinches slightly but doesn't react other than that. You gently pry his fingers from the steering wheel. As soon as you have his hands free you start to drop them into his lap. You almost yelp when his hands grip yours, startling you. You look up and see that he's still staring straight ahead, but the pain and worry on his face is unmistakable now.

He tightens his grip on your hands and you squeeze his back in response.

"I'm here, Eddie. I'll help. We can do this, okay? We'll take care of her."

After what seems like hours, he nods, slowly coming out of his trance. He glances over at you, looking lost.

"Sorry. I just-"

"Don't apologize, Eddie. You're allowed to process all this however you need to. Just don't shut down completely, okay? Emma needs you. And I couldn't do this without you."

He nods, taking a ragged breath. "I want her to have the best life possible, Y/N. I want her to be happy. It's all I want for her. She doesn't deserve this." He blinks, tears coming to the surface and threatening to spill.

"We're gonna get her all the help she needs, Eddie. She has an amazing life already because she has you and Wayne and you two love her and spoil her and care for her so deeply. I promise you, she's happy. One of the happiest babies I've seen."

"You think so?"

"I do. I really do."

He relaxes a bit then, his grip on your hands easing off. You run your thumb over his wrist and Eddie's eyes widen.

He wonders if you can feel his heart beating a mile a minute from the pulse point on his wrist. Even more, he wonders why his heart is beating so fast. He takes another deep breath and audibly sighs when he gets a hint of your shampoo in the air. You always smell so good, and your skin is so soft against the calluses on his hands.

He briefly wonders if the rough patches are hurting you. He helps Wayne with yard work and plays his guitar daily, so his hands are chapped and the calluses are tough-feeling and abrasive. He almost groans when your thumb gently swipes over his wrist again.

It's a soothing feeling he's never wanted before, but now he's craving it. He wants you to keep doing it, to keep comforting him with your light, soft, almost delicate touch.

"Eddie?" You say softly. "I'm losing you again."

He snaps out of his thoughts, slipping his hands out of yours. He immediately misses the warmth and comfort of your skin on his and it surprises him.

He used to love being affectionate. As a kid he would hug and kiss Wendy, play with her hair, hold her hand when they went to sleep. But as he got older and her addiction got worse, he found himself hating her touch. His father's only touch had been to discipline.

"I'm sure Emma is hungry, do you want me to stay? I can make lunch." You offer.

"What about school? Don't you want me to drop you off?"

"I'd rather be here."

Eddie hides a smile. "If you insist."

"Eddie, I think we have to tell Wayne. About Emma, I mean."

He shakes his head. "Wayne has enough on his plate."

"I know, but he has a right to know. Maybe he could put Emma on his insurance?"

"Wendy will never sign her rights away, she claims Emma for the welfare assistance."

"What if we talked to Wendy, explained what's going on? Maybe she would-"

"Y/N, I know you're just trying to help." He interrupts. "But we aren't telling Wayne and we damn sure are never telling Wendy, do you understand?"

You sigh.

Eddie grips your shoulder. "I mean it, Y/N. Promise me you won't say anything."

"Okay. I promise, Eddie. I think it's a mistake, but it's your family. It's your decision."

He lets go of you. "As long as we're on the same page."

"We are."

You follow him inside and head to the kitchen, washing your hands and checking the fridge. Emma is sitting on the couch beside Wayne, babbling nonsense at the TV and slapping Wayne's arm ever so often, as if she's trying to make sure he agrees with her.

"Oh definitely kid, Sesame Street over Barney anyday." Eddie chimes in, flopping down beside her and dropping a kiss on top of her head. Emma giggles and reaches up to tug on his curls. Eddie obliges and lowers his head, not even wincing when she gives his hair a hard yank and then tries to stick it in her mouth.

"Eddie, don't let her chew on your hair." You scold.

"Fine, mama." He rolls his eyes and untangles his locks from Emma's fingers.

Wayne's eyebrows raise. He leans over discreetly to Eddie and whispers, "Mama?"

Eddie grins. "Inside joke. And don't let that sour face fool you, she loves it when I call her that."

Wayne snorts.

You're buzzing through the kitchen, putting water on to boil, getting out plates, toasting bread.

"Hope chicken salad is okay, guys!"

"Sounds great!" Wayne calls back to you.

You start slicing an apple to mash for Emma. The water boils over, startling you and you gasp as you cut your thumb.

"Damn it."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I just cut myself is all."

Wayne starts to get up off the couch but Eddie beats him to it. Wayne watches in near shock as Eddie grabs a dish towel and wraps it around your thumb, holding your hand upright against his chest.

"Little dummy, you should have let me do that."

"I can cut an apple, Edward."

"Apparently not." He teases.

Wayne can't believe Eddie is holding your hand like it's nothing. He can't remember the last time he saw Eddie touch anyone besides Emma. It must be happening more often than he's aware, because you don't seem surprised at all that Eddie's helping you. In fact, the two of you seem comfortable with each other.

"There's band-aids in the drawer to your left, son."

Eddie fishes out a band-aid. Wayne watches as he wraps it around your fingers.

"Ouch." You wince. "Stings."

"Poor mama." Eddie murmurs.

"Stop calling me that."

"You love it."

Wayne can't hide the grin on his face. You and Eddie are practically nose-to-nose, and Eddie looks comfortable. There's no sign of distress on his face.

Wayne had wanted so many times through the years to hug Eddie, to pat him on top of the head, to give him a friendly slap on the back. But Eddie flinched every time someone got too close to him, much less touched him. So Wayne had stopped trying, not wanting to upset or scare him. But seeing you and Eddie like this, it gave him hope that maybe he could try again.

You go back to cooking, Eddie removing the knife from your reach and chopping up Emma's apple while teasing you for being clumsy.

A half hour later you all sit around the table and eat, talking and laughing. You and Eddie fuss over Emma, encouraging her to take more bites, keeping her hair out of her face while she eats.

Emma shakes her head repeatedly when you try to get her to eat some chicken salad.

"Come on Em, you can't live off fruit, try a bite." You coax her.

She scowls at you.

"Come on Em, you can do it."

She continues to refuse. You finally set the spoon down and use your spoon to scoop up some smashed apple. As soon as Emma opens her mouth you quickly swap spoons, popping the bite of chicken salad in her mouth.

Eddie gasps dramatically. "How dare you betray her trust like that?"

You roll your eyes. "Eddie, she's gotta eat."

"You tricked her! She's just a baby. You're cruel." He turns to Emma and coos at her. "Isn't Y/N so mean to my little Emmy? Tricking her like that? Tell her no-no!"

Emma flings the spoon at you. "No-no!"

You squeal excitedly. "That's right Emma, no-no!"

She nods solemnly. "No-no."

Eddie grins from ear-to-ear. "Listen to her, she's a little genius."

"Must get it from Wayne." You tease.

Wayne chuckles. "Obviously."

Eddie insists on cleaning up the kitchen since you cooked. You flop down in the living room floor with Emma, picking up a children's book and reading to her. Wayne offers her a bottle of milk and Emma tucks herself into your side, falling asleep almost instantly. You're tired too, you realize. You rest your head on your arm, closing your eyes.

A few minutes later Eddie comes out of the kitchen, seeing you sprawled on the floor.

He nudges you with his foot. "Y/N, at least get on the couch. You can't be comfortable down there."

You jerk awake and scowl up at him. "Did you just kick me?"

"So dramatic." He scoops Emma up.

You follow him to his room, watching from the doorway as he tucks her into her crib, kissing her forehead gently.

"Do you need a ride home?"

"Maybe later. Can I just stay with Emma a little longer?"

Eddie nods. You lay on his bed, reaching through the cribs slats to touch Emma's hands.

Eddie stretches out beside you. "I could use a nap, myself."

You struggle to keep your face impassive, but you're shocked that he would dare get so close. There's a few feet of space between you, but still, you're in his bed. Together. Normally if you slept over with Emma, Eddie would take the couch. It's his room and his bed, though, it's not like you can tell him to leave.

You decide not to say anything. It's Eddie. It's not like he's gonna try anything, especially not with his sister being literally a foot from his bed. He was just now comfortable with holding your hand, much less anything else.

You glance over your shoulder at him. He's got his hands tucked underneath his head, looking up at the ceiling, deep in thought.

He licks his lips and you find your eyes drawn to them.

So pretty. Pink and full. I bet they're warm and soft and-

Holy shit where did THAT thought come from?

You blush and quickly face away from him again.

"You okay?" Eddie asks softly.

"Yeah, I'm good."

"I can go get on the couch, no biggie." He offers.

"No, it's cool. Do you want me to get on the couch?"

"No, you're fine." He reaches over and takes one of your hands. "Stay."

You want to talk more but you're so tired. You close your eyes and drift off to sleep almost instantly, one hand holding Eddie's and the other holding Emma's.

Taglist: @aedicn @sidthedollface2 @saramelaniemoon @zahra10999 @natasha84 @harrys-tittie @urallidjits @booksarekindaneat @mxcheese @nightless @adaydreamaway08 @cloverjean @starrywhitenight @eli-lilies04 @eddiemunson95 @livasauras @thxtinfamoushogwartsjaguar @bratckerman @b-irock @capricornrisingsstuff @ali-r3n @greatpizzascissorstaco @neewtmas @harrystylesandthegoobs @cancankiki @cal-is-not-on-branding @cluz1babe @aunicornmademedoit

[ocisugovorile]

S

Today.

Today is the first time I write about you. Up until now I would read, but not yet write. Writing is different. Writing is an imprint, like the one you left behind this morning at 4am.

Today is the most beautiful day and I don't know is it because the morning started off cold and then got warmer throughout the day, just like me with us, or is it the fact that I finally in so long actually looked up at the sky and noticed the clouds just how I noticed your eyes yesterday, or is it the music to my ears winter wonderland playing in the background just like your words last night.

Today I sit sipping on a hot cup of coffee in a cozy little cafe writing about you. If there is something I can thank you for it is for bringing this version of me back. You got me writing again. I love this version of myself, when my brain fills up with so many beautiful thoughts, I find it a waste to not let the words run out of my fingers and onto this keyboard.

Today is different. Today is better.

I despise that I give you that power, to make me feel this way so early into my new independent life.

But how can I despise a feeling you give me, the reason I left my marriage was in order to feel this again.

And I feel you. who would've thought. I say, not in a million years.

I still question whether our paths crossed at the right or the wrong time.

All I know is that our stars aligned when we both found ourselves in similar situations feeling similar emotions and juggling similar struggles.

Going through it all just like me.

Today I can't get you out of my head. I cannot stop replaying the collarbone kisses. my god did you get me there.

Or when I sat on the floor back up against the couch and from behind you comforted me with soft neck kisses whilst slowly killing me with soul bearing news of bad choices you continuously make like a wave of patterns you so badly run from but somehow always end up in.

You drag me into with you, I find it cruel, but then you so gently comfort me after the pain you give. Your dangerous and messed up and unfortunately, that is my type.

And as I am writing this, I just realized the song I will dedicate to you.

There is a quote I read the other day about you. It goes, I never liked brown eyes until I looked into yours, now they are my favorite.

Your eyes say it all. the comfort that comes with them is crippling but invigorating at the same time.

You have me daydreaming today. Snapping myself out of constant dozing.

Euphoric.

Euphoric is the word. I heard connections that are addicting are the best lived stories, the best poetry and the best lessons, but also the most painful, the biggest heartaches and simply soul breaking.

I don't know if I can take it, but I want to with you. I have taken so much through life. so much heartache, so much pain, I need a break, I deserve a break, but I still choose this risk with you because of the good you give.

I hope you don't let me down.

I spoke to T this morning just after you left. Her face is enough to light up the darkest room. She sees my glow too. The one you put on me. I didn't even mention your name, i didnt need to, you were written all over me and she saw it.

She worries but at the same time she understands.

She prays you don't hurt me. She knows who I am, she knows how gentle I can be, and she knows how much I love and much I hurt. She feels it when I go through it just as I feel hers, our souls are tied and bonded for life.

I am grateful to God for her. I had no hesitation to tell her today about you. That says a lot.

She wants me happy she wants me to live this moment for along as I truly deserve which we both know is at least the number of years I spent in desperation and pure agony in my life.

I told her we will fall in love 1000 times and fall out of love 1000 times, lusts and loves are fazes in life.

I believe people can have multiple loves throughout life at different stages, and that is ok.

Throughout life you are not forever one or the same person and if you are then you are not evolving.

Give your heart to your children, give your ambition and focus into work and give your faith to anything that makes you feel safe.

When love gets bad, leave. But now, after everything the scariest part is.... if love is good and remains good. There is nothing more spine-chilling than the thought of love remaining good.

But as unnerving as it is, is it not beautiful? is it not why we left? to give ourselves the chance for something good.

Quote of the day: The universe will never give you peace in something you were never meant to settle in.

If something is not your destiny, you will know, because you feel it.

And that little voice and little feeling you have inside of you, listen to it, that's your best friend.

Right now, both of my best friends tell me to feel everything I have with you.

-MP

Sunday 10th December 2023

13:22pm - 15:22pm

1000 words.

[bitter-panacea]

Swallow - Symbiote and Goultard playlist explained

Listen to it here

- Help Me I Am In Hell Nine Inch Nails

No lyrics, vibes only. First contact, contamination taking hold. Hoping for help that will not come.

- Many Hands Lingua Ignota

In unforgiving night, God came. Plainly spoke my given name. The Lord held me by my neck. "I wish things could be different," he wept. Upon your pale, pale body, I will put many hands. And rough, rough fingers for every hole you have.

God loves you but will not help you. There is no escape from the torture. Is it all God's will?

But the kingdom and the power and the glory are yours. The cool and quiet darkness that surrounds you is yours. The fires that swallow up the silent mountains are yours. The floods that drown the deserts and the valleys are yours.

The promise that this suffering is righteous and will empower you (lie)

- Sugarbread Soap&Skin

Identity starts to fracture, slowly losing touch with sense of self, until death of his former self as the Symbiote makes Goultard his.

Ich spür' mich nicht mehr (I don't feel myself anymore). Try to break one's heart in perpetuity.

Lux perpetua luceat eis (may everlasting light shine upon them/ sung at funeral mass)

- Belly Oil Jim Williams Titane ost

No lyrics, vibes only. Not spoiling the movie this is from. An inhuman creature is growing inside the main character's body and black crude oil starts leaking from open wounds on her stomach.

- Ripe (With Decay) Nine Inch Nails

No lyrics, vibes only, title is self explanatory. It grows and consumes all.

- Intent or Instinct Pharmakon

All the Pharmakon songs in this playlist convey something very primal and sensory. A panicked animal with its paw stuck in a bear trap desperately gnawing on its own leg to try to free itself.

- Human Nature Gesaffelstein

No lyrics, vibes only. Dread and subjugation. Accepting his new natural state. There is no way out.

- In My Mouth Black Dresses

Trauma bonding and addiction, blurring the lines of where one stops and the other begins

I don't know what I am, but I want you to show me. I don't want to have the capacity to feel lonely. I want you to destroy me, so I'll feel better. I wanna put you in my mouth. Right in my mouth. Right in my head. I'll never let you out. I wanna become something better with you. I wanna fuck our bodies into broken shells. I wanna lose ourselves forever.

- Body Betrays Itself Pharmakon

Self-destruction in a desperate bid for freedom. To no avail. Internal conflict.

It gnaws on its own tail. Feeding into and upon itself. Succubus ouroboros. Chewing whole to self ingest. It takes what I can't give. The body betrays itself.

- Red Sex (Re-strung) Vessel

No lyrics, vibes only. False feeling of empowerment, ascension. Becoming something new together. Detachment and contempt for humanity. Indulging in cruelty and being feared and hated.

- Day of Tears and Mourning Lingua Ignota

A creature, a beast, a demon. Absolute rage and despair. Leaving nothing but death and destruction in its wake. A cry for help that goes unheard once more.

- Replay Lady Gaga (Dorian Electra version)

It's all a game

Every single day, yeah, I dig a grave. Then I sit inside it, wondering if I'll behave. It's a game I play, and I hate to say. You're the worst thing and the best thing that's happened to me. These demons, these demons, I must slay, I must slay. Never stop, like a song playing and I can't escape. On rewind, on repeat, incessant, all day. Spinning it like you're a DJ, torture me on replay

- Freak On a Leash Korn

Doomed to have everything taken from him. This freedom from society's adoration and expectations is all an illusion, he's still chained, on a leash.

Something takes a part of me. Something lost and never seen. Every time I start to believe. Something's raped and taken from me, from me. Sometimes I cannot take this place. Can't I take away all this pain? I try to every night, all in vain, in vain. Sometimes it's my life I can't taste. Sometimes I cannot feel my face. You'll never see me fall from grace. Feeling like a freak on a leash (you wanna see the light). Feeling like I have no release (so do I). How many times have I felt diseased? (You wanna see the light)

- Turbine Womb Soap&Skin

No lyrics, vibes only. The need for something, anything, to fill the deep dark void inside. Yearning for the warmth of the crimson dofus.

- Mr Self Destruct Nine Inch Nails

Goultard's self-destructive habits. Sort of self explanatory.

I am the voice inside your head (and I control you). I am the lover in your bed (and I control you). You let me do this to you (I am the exit). You let me do this to you (I am the exit).You let me do this to you (I am the exit). I am the needle in your vein. I am the high you can't sustain. I am the silencing machine (and I control you). I am the end of all your dreams (and I control you). I take you where you want to go. I give you all you need to know. I drag you down, I use you up.

- Eternal Nausea Black Dresses

Numbness and illness.

I live in nausea, eternal nausea. In a spotlight shaped like a spiral. I'm in the bible, God's (favorite) (secret) idol. Trying to see the world through the anhedonia. Feels kinda like my soul is burnt. Too late, too late, if only, uh

- Memphisto Depeche Mode

No lyrics, vibes only. Trying to escape is pointless. There is less pain in not resisting.

-Reptile Nine Inch Nails

The symbiote's utter obsession with Goultard, his need to consume him/be consumed by him, is an infection too. They contaminate each other, enable each other. Indulging in depravity.

She spreads herself wide open. To let the insects in. She leaves a trail of honey. To show me where she's been. Oh, my beautiful liar. Oh, my precious whore. My disease, my infection. I am so impure. Devils speak of the way in which she'll manifest. Angels bleed from the tainted touch of my caress. Need to contaminate to alleviate this loneliness.

- Primitive Struggle Pharmakon

No lyrics, vibes only. Desperately trying to purge the poison out.

- Around Every Corner Nine Inch Nails

No lyrics, vibes only. Paranoia. Eyes everywhere.

- The Severed Bond Ludvig Forssell

No lyrics, vibes only. Falling apart. Weakness. The symbiote is going to abandon Goultard.

- One Million Eyes Mansfield T.Y.A

Separated for the first time after 1400 years. Staring at each other from afar.

When you look at me. It's one million eyes. Staring at me at the same time. When you speak to me. I hear lots of voices. Drowning to my ears. When you go away. I breathe your dark shadows. Hanging around my sorrows

- Bitter and Sick One Two

Withdrawal and wanting him back

Shut out the light. Put me through hell again. I miss the fire. Let′s burn the other end. With no end in sight. Come on and break me down. I'll let you ruin my day. Flow through my veins. I need a fix. Bitter and sick. Try it again. Your fingers round my neck. Just how I like. Make me your mess again. Do it tonight

- Help Me Faith Hammock

Parallels Oh the Bliss on the Arty/Goultard Playlist. Arty saves Goultard and frees him from the demon. Arty is the one Goultard worships.

I once was a child with innocent eyes. And my family swore they knew best for my life. And when I grew old. I was riddled with sin. Locked my soul in the dark. Never let the light in. Help me Faith, help me Faith. Shield me from sadness. Lead me to the Bliss.

[kaddyssammlung]

Vore – Analysis

“You have become the voice in my head”

I guess he means Sleep. But it's actually not that important who he means. To me my addictions often were the voices in my head. I mean you can kind of imagine the things they wanted from me.

It can also be seen as something positive. I often replay quotes or mantras in my head. I know I probably mentioned spiritual teachers such as Eckhart Tolle quite often. Having his teachings about the present moment in my head makes me more present.

“Only recourse we're left after death”

This does not sound very promising. Maybe he means that he can only be redeemed through death?

“Your viscera welcome me in, welcome me in”

Creepy! But also he often used images of being tangled in and caught. As if he was being caught in something like a spider's web and waiting for consumption. So I guess this just plays into this imagery.

“My life is torn, my bones, they bleed”

through a fractured existence. I know I have said this before but childhood trauma, dissociation and also the “no sense of self” BPD symptom make me really feel that line.

It's also interesting that he says that his bones bleed because they can't. But it creates an image of how deeply torn he is.

“My metaphors fall short in the end”

That's a cool one. Does he mean that he can't fully hide behind them? Or that he fails to convey certain things?

“Your flesh and bone welcome me in, welcome me in”

Seems like someone really likes him and that is just a strange way of saying this?! I guess he means Sleep with this...well actually with this whole song maybe.

“Are you in pain like I am?”

….and how it's a pain they know they don't understand. If you mean that type of pain that makes you want to end everything, then yes. I was in pain like that, Vessel.

“Will we remain stuck in the throat of Gods?”

I brought up before that I feel like Vessel knows the difference between a real God and something pretending to be God when it actually has bad intentions. So do we want to be stuck in their throat? I don't.

He probably means Sleep. It seems that he is done with it / them.

“Will the pain stop if we go deeper?”

It does. But it depends on what he means. I see this as hinting on spirituality and diving deeper into the present moment. Letting go of all of your thoughts and therefore the known and stepping into the unknown. Whenever you listen to spiritual teachers to you will notice that they use the expression "go deep" very often.

“So let's get swallowed whole”

I'm sorry for brining up addiction again. It makes me think about the times I was so desperate and exhausted that I just thought “I don't care if this is how it ends tonight....I'm done fighting.....it will never get better, so it might as well just end....I just want to give up"

But I did not!

You could also read this line in the same way as the one before. Diving deeper into yourself and spirituality and reconnect with something divine. Or you surrender to what is meaning that you have no feelings or thoughts attached to something. You only see what is.

I other giving up victim thinking (the it never gets better stuff) and realize that it really is all in your hands.

“I want to go where nobody else will ever go”

Makes me think about meditation and spirituality again. I had so many strange visions by now. I really makes you question everything – in a good way :)

It could also be hinting at Sleep and where it resides or where they met maybe?!

“Walls of flesh, so warm again”

Yeah...creepy. At least for me. Because it does not really sound something you would expect in a love song. It sounds creepy but also welcoming and also you get a feeling for it which is also kind of weird.

“We step into my suffering”

That's an interesting one. You think when he gets “swallowed whole” then his suffering is gone, right? Or is it maybe the cause of his suffering?

You can also see term suffering in a spiritual way. It was Buddah who said that he will teach you suffering but also the end of suffering. So I don't really know what to do with it.

“My only need, welcome me in, welcome me in”

It feel like he is begging. It seems like he really wants to be with someone or something. Probably Sleep.

“There is always something in the way I want to have you to myself for once Follow me between the jaws of fate So I can have you to myself for once”

This is weird because I don't understand why he could not have Sleep to himself. What is this being / entity?!

And also the way that he mentions jaws again. I feel I should write a jaw – collection or something like that.

Unconditional Surrender that's Vore for me. I should write about spirituality more...well in relation tho Sleep Token lyrics XD. I will do that.

[beedlemania]

what are your favorite songs from each of the Monkees albums? ^_^

WAHH this is a tough question but here we go!

The Monkees (1966) - Okay I may have over listened to this album because it was the first Monkees album I heard in full but imma say Papa Genes Blues and Sweet Young Thing. When I first watched the Monkees Mike was my favourite (I wanted to BE Davy but Mike was my fav then) so I have a soft spot for these songs. Also the guitar in Sweet Young Thing sounds kinda like the uillean pipe to me so… bias.

More of The Monkees (1967) - Your Auntie Grizelda is like tied for my fav Monkees song so obviously gotta say that. Then maybe When Love Comes Knockin, Laugh, and of course, I’m A Believer. This is possibly my fav monkees album though so tough choices.

Headquarters (1967) - Another tough picking but imma go with Randy Scouse Git (one of the first ways I heard about the Monkees), No Time (it’s fun what can I say) and Shades of Gray because it’s a pretty duet.

Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn & Jones Ltd. (1967) - Okay this album has like no skips so wahh. I would say all of them but that’s CHEATING so Salesman, Cuddly Toy and Don’t Call On Me.

The Birds, The Bees & the Monkees (1968) - I underestimated how hard this would be. Daydream Believer, Writing Wrongs, Magnolia Simms, Valleri

Head (1968) - Long Title (Do I Have To Do This All Over Again?), Can You Dig It? (But Peters version because the voice thing he does. I don’t think I ever listen to Micky’s version except when watching the film), Daddy’s Song, Ditty Diego and Circle Sky (the version where he does the grunt thing at the start? Don’t get me started @.@). I think that’s nearly all the song songs off the album so whoops

Instant Replay (1969) - Through the Looking Glass, I Wont Be The Same Without Her, and Tear Drop City!! And You and I … for obvious reasons <3

The Monkees Present (1969) - Listen to the Band, Mommy and Daddy (Alternate Version, slay Micky), and Oklahoma Backroom Dancer (every time I shuffle music it plays this.. I can’t escape)

Changes (1970) - The final two, wah. 99 Pounds, that songs addictive. And Do It In The Name of Love and Midnight Train (it’s fun!)

Pool It! (1987) - Peters so fit in this era and that’s all I think about when I think of this album. Anyway, Heart and Soul, Gettin In annnd Every Step of the Way

Justus (1996) - I wont lie, I’m not sure if I’ve listened to this album in full whoops but Admiral Mike, and I Believe You (idk if that’s controversial or not)

Good Times! (2016) - The only Monkees album cd I own <3 You Bring the Summer, She Makes Me Laugh, Me & Magdalena

Oops I forgot Missing Links! Gonna put all of them together and say Nine Times Blue, Tear the Top Right Off my Head (all time fav) and My Share of The Sidewalk!

Okay I think I rambled a bit, my apologies. But thank you for asking!! :3

I’d also like to hear everyone else’s favs!

[sleepymabel]

it's so weird to me how many star stable fans are so up in arms about the devs updating the game and switching out old assets to support a viable future for it because of nostalgia but none of them ever talk about the way bigger problem under the same umbrella; there is no way to replay the story of the game without making a whole new account and paying like 60 bucks. the amount of new characters ive made just to play the very limited but free beginning of the game over again is devastating. how is this just. the way it is. i want to know what the hell all those quests i did when i was 13 actually was about again. spy squirrels? detective figuring out who stole those god damn chickens? climbing up the firgrove mountain and something about a song at night??? the WALKING ON WATER PLAYING THE HARP THING?!?! oh my god the election of jarlaheim. opening epona! that guy getting kidnapped and then unkidnapped! whatever happened in the big forest over mistfall!!!! all of marleys siblings having different quests or something? a wedding? the vineyard and the basement flooding. sticking it up to mr kembell several times i think?? the dog named disco or techno or something? rabbit mans long lost love... sending his love letter by canon!!!! traveling to the oil platform in a FRIDGE. James committing fraud? theft? idk he did it all. James falling asleep (?) because of the dark riders???? or something? trying to save justin several times but we just kinda went in there and had a little conversation and then walked out again. over and over again. OUR HORSE HAD WINGS ONCE?!???!?! and it talked to us!!!! several! random! times! WE TALKED SOMETIMES!!!! NOT IN A 'choose 1 of these 2 options' WAY BUT A LITERAL TEXT BOX OF YOU SAID THAT (?????) WAY!?!?!??! okay that makes no sense but alas. pandoric portals! what the hell was up with evergray how did we even meet him! oh my god and what was the thing with ricky winterwell and the new hillcrest stable almost being sold?? why did fripp almost die?!??? what was up with the buttergoods and what about that one nice brother??? what was darko even doing again. derek being the most useless mailman ever but we love him anyway. that old lady getting addicted to some scary pole riding game and made a race out of it out in buttfuck nowhere mountains because okay. us doing said death trap pole bending race because we needed the game for something???? some big conspiracy about the mistfall water and GED was stealing it or something and raptor was involved? what the hell were we even doing in dino valley

[wifeysaremylifey]

Well, golly gee, here we go!

Comfort food(s): Very unfortunately, it is a dessert which I can never have with any degree of frequency: tiramisu. I don't think anything really comes close that is easy to make, and I just have that, like, once every several months? But if I do need a comfort item for consumption in general, it's always the next one.  

Comfort drink(s): Coca-cola, original flavor. Been very addicted to it for the majority of my life, 25 years at least. I'm able to control my intake properly now, but it was remarkably bad in my more depressive teenage years when I was downing multiple bottles a day. To this day, there's nothing else that just serves as an instant shot of happiness to me, and I find that to be really unfortunate.

Comfort movie(s): I don't think I have one, I very rarely watch movies willingly. And when I do, I don't watch them more than once. I imagine I had one as a child, since I know I watched stuff several times then, but it's been forgotten now.

Comfort show(s): ... Do those old Looney Tunes shorts count? If not, then- Yu-Gi-Oh GX is probably the closest one to it. It is pretty silly early but also fun- and kind of existential and sad towards the end. And I happen to like a mix of those.

Comfort clothing: Big coats. Yes, even in warmer days.

Comfort song(s): Now this one has too many to count, I have different playlists that fit certain moods. But I'll break it down. So far as regular music goes, I like electro swing in general, but specifically for comfort I listen to Swingrowers a lot. Also sea shanties have that effect on me too, it's easy for them to get me to sing and feel better afterwards. An album I tend to come back to is The Green Knight, by Heather Dale. And in it, The Maiden and the Selkie is my favorite song, since it's kind of a chant and a fairy tale in one and I kind of love that. Other than that, game music has always been with me, and the original soundtracks of both Ragnarok Online and Chrono Cross will probably follow me forever and be big sources of comfort. Out of those, even if CC is a bit old, the soundtrack is worth a listen to this day, if you're ever curious.

Comfort book(s): I think I mentioned in a previous meme that Alice in Wonderland and the Sherlock Holmes novels are favorites of mine. They're also definitely comfort books and I both read it and heard their audiobooks dozens of times each- not as much Through the Looking-Glass, but it's catching up nowadays, Other than that, the Andrew Lang compilations of fairy-tales are books I read back to several times.

Comfort game(s): Hmm, I have to think about it a bit, since the games I find most worthwhile to play tend to make me actively uncomfortable and I kind of appreciate that. The clearest example in my mind is Pokémon. I just do a lot in that series, from replaying with small restrictions to active marked shiny hunting. Other than that, I do enjoy games where you have a contained gameplay loop that you can repeat several times, especially if they're co-op. Stuff like Payday 2 and Deep Rock Galactic. Lastly, if I've invested enough time in a gacha game, it tends to become a comfort game- potentially because of the whole habit-setting that they all covertly do, but still. Honkai: Star Rail is the main one I play currently.

tagged by: Someone who's called me out for not finishing Dragalia Lost *cough* @celestialprayer*cough* tagging: @iceiclehorned, @divinityunleashed, @puzzledmemories, @dragonknightsworn, @mysticallities, and whoever sees it and happens to want to do this (and potentially didn't finish Dragalia Lost either, don't let me be the only one to carry the burden--)

[thisaintascenereviews]

The Story So Far - I Want To Disappear

It’s been six years since The Story So Far’s last album, and it took me awhile to get on board with 2018’s Proper Dose, but that was because I was just so sick of their sound by that point, I skipped out on that album. That was a mistake on my part, because it was unlike anything they’d put out before. The Story So Far’s legacy is kind of complicated for me, as their start in the early 2010s pop-punk scene us important, as they helped to breathe life back into that sound, but their really boring sound and misogynistic lyrics just haven’t aged well. Proper Dose, however, showed a sense of maturity for them; it was a record that moved into alt-rock and indie rock, and the lyrics weren’t about being slighted in a relationship, but about vocalist Parker Cannon overcoming an opioid addiction.

How does I Want To Disappear fare? Again, it’s been six years, but I have to say that the wait has been worth it. This record is pretty damn good, if not great. In a year where pop-punk has had a few solid albums, I Want To Disappear joins those records. I wouldn’t say this album is a monumental shift in sound, or even their best album (I’d still give that to Proper Dose, frankly), but this album should please fans of both that album and their earlier material. Their pop-punk sound returns in full force on a handful of songs, but they still have that softer, more alt-rock sound in a few places. It’s the best of both worlds, basically, and it should work for fans of both styles.

At 28 minutes, this is a very short and brisk album, and as much as it’s good for replay, I do think it’s odd that that they were gone for six years and all we got is 28 minutes worth of music. That’s neither here nor there, but this is worth hearing if you want a solid little pop-punk album with some alt-rock influences. It’s such a lot of fun, even if it doesn’t really reach the same heights as Proper Dose. It comes close, though, and this is still one of the best albums of the year, so make no mistake. I think this should please fans of their early material, but if you wanted more of their transformation into an alt-rock band, and Parker Cannon not constantly shouting, you’ll be happy with this as well.