#I want this to be a healthy relationship and I don’t wanna constantly lean on her alone but what do you do when the person who was that

[vaciena]

I really fucking wish I had someone to talk to about everything and get support other than my gf

[maimingaffairs]

Grieving for the Living (Aleksander Morozova x fem! reader) Part 2

The entirety of a capricious and treacherous marriage between the Darkling and the Lantsov princess.

read part one here!

-

hi all i love u, also merry early christmas to those who celebrate and happy weekend to those who don't! i've had people ask to be tagged in future parts so feel free to comment if u wanna be added to the silly little taglist for this silly little story.

word count: 11.6

warnings: man idk, everything is pretty canon. examples of a not very healthy relationship.

taglist: @il0vebeingdelulu @mellowarcadefun

-

You sat on a stool in the stables while your husband was occupied, putting a saddle on his horse. You had your legs crossed and you bounced your knee to pass the time, sighing occasionally. You wore tall, knee high riding boots and a pair of tight black pants. You had a peacoat over your white blouse and a cloak on over your shoulders, at the request of your husband. It had recently become much colder in temperature as the seasons shifted from autumn to winter, and your husband was constantly fussing about you getting sick. 

“You know, I grew up riding horses. I can ride my own. I have my own.” You remarked, glancing up at your husband as he secured half of the saddle onto his horse’s back. 

He eyed you from where he stood and he shook his head, “I believe you, but it’s cold and I’d prefer having you close enough to share body heat.” He explained, going back to tightening straps. 

“In what world will I be cold, dear? You’ve got me in a hundred layers.” You stated, keeping your eyes on him. 

Almost an entire month had passed since you had tried to walk out on him, and in that month, he had done an entire turn around. Days where you expected him to be off with Alina or off tending to things pertaining to his army, he had been spending with you. Conversations that you’d grown accustomed to being cold were now warm and inviting, and mealtime wasn’t stiff and just for the sake of appearances anymore. 

As to be expected, though, you two were starting at the bottom. Friends before lovers, you reminded yourself when you found yourself daydreaming about the one time he had kissed you.

Your husband looked down upon you and snickered once before he tightened the last strap on the horse’s saddle, “Well, at least you’ll be warm.” He said with a smile, shaking his head just once. 

You simply rolled your eyes and stood up off of the stool, “I’m serious, I’m an excellent rider.” You pressed, walking to his side. 

“While I don’t doubt you for a second, can you please just humor me and ride on my horse with me?” He asked, looking down at you with a small, amused smile. 

You rolled your eyes again but couldn’t help but smile back at him. You grabbed onto the saddle and he hoisted you up onto the horse before he gracefully climbed on behind you, grabbing the reins. He guided the horse forward and out into the path out behind the palaces. You’d never admit it, but you were glad for the extra layer he insisted you wear, because the cold bit your cheeks and made you grab the sides of your cloak and pull them around your body like a blanket. You leaned back a bit against your husband’s solid chest and you let out a little sigh, watching the trees pass the two of you by. 

“I want to discuss something with you.” Your husband said matter of factly. 

He let go of the reins with one hand and wrapped his arm delicately around your waist, pulling you back just slightly. 

“Alright, go on, then.” You coaxed, feeling tiny butterflies in your stomach when he wrapped his arm around your waist. 

“The Winter Fete is in a few weeks,” he began, sounding almost nervous to continue, “your parents have requested that the Sun Summoner and I give a… demonstration, of sorts. A performance of her abilities.” He finished, arm tightening around your waist just slightly. 

You had almost forgotten Alina had been there over the past month. It was seldom that your husband saw her anymore, pushing her training off onto other Grisha or the strange old woman, Baghra, whom you had only met once, the night after your wedding. 

“What’s that got to do with me?” You asked, confusedly, reaching out with one hand to touch some low hanging branches as you passed them. 

“I’m just going to have to spend a bit of time getting her ready.” He stated, and you pulled your arm back into your cloak, listening to him. 

“Can I accompany you?” You asked, turning your head to look up at him. His eyes shifted down towards you and he gave you a soft smile. 

“If that so pleases you, then I suppose it won’t be an issue.”

You smiled at him and then turned back around, “I’d like that.” You hummed, reaching down to gently place your hand on top of his as he held your waist with one arm.

His hand was cold as always and you moved your other hand over so that you could clasp his hand in both of yours to warm it up. 

“Your hands are always so cold.” You remarked, giving his hand a gentle squeeze, “Cold hands, warm heart?” You asked, giggling. 

He let out a little chuckle behind you and he leaned down so that his lips brushed the shell of your ear, “Perhaps cold heart, even colder hands.” 

“You don’t have a cold heart.” You quipped, bringing his hand up to your neck, warming it against your skin. 

“Would you say I have an overly warm one?” He asked, keeping his lips near your ear. 

“I think you’re just a little bit choosy about who gets to see your warmth.” You countered and then shrugged once, leaning your head back against his chest. 

The sun was starting to set, leaving the sky a brilliant orange and pink and you stared off at the bright colors, keeping his hand against your warm neck. You stayed silent for a while as he stopped the horse near a cliffside and you both looked over it. 

“Do you truly believe Alina is going to rid us of The Fold?” You asked softly, imagining a world where you could travel as you pleased with no imminent danger. You’d always wanted to travel past Ravka. Maybe to Ketterdam, or perhaps even beyond all that, and looking over this cliffside gave you a rather strong sense of wanderlust. The colors of the sky made the pine trees below look dull and lifeless and you couldn’t tear your eyes away from the sunset. 

Your husband seemingly hesitated before he answered, taking his time to formulate a response carefully. 

“I believe it’s achievable. She is a marvel.” He finally said, wrapping his other arm around you so that you were now encircled in his embrace. 

You paused. Your next question hung on your lips and you almost didn’t ask it, but before you could think better of it, it had already come out of your mouth. 

“Do you have feelings for Alina?”

The Darkling pulled you closer so that your back was flush against his chest and you could feel the metal embellishments on his kefta through your cloak. 

“I wouldn’t say so.” He remarked plainly, allowing you to lay your head back against the front of his shoulder. 

You let out a slow breath, and noted that it had now become cold enough that you could see your breath materialize in front of you. You felt an odd sense of relief. 

“What about anyone else?” You absentmindedly asked, tracing your finger along the sleeve of his kefta. You suddenly felt very intrusive and frowned, patting his arm once, “You don’t have to answer that, I’m being nosy.” 

He hummed and you felt his cheek against the top of your head. You kept your eyes on the sky and felt your eyelids grow heavy. The two of you had taken to going on horse rides later in the evening so that you could see the sunset. You’d mentioned loving the sunset to him once not too long ago, and he’d taken it upon himself to bring you here to a cliff in the forest behind the palaces. 

You dragged your pointer finger over the edge of his sleeve and down onto his exposed wrist. You ran your finger along the back of his hand and up onto the cold metal of the ring on his smallest finger. He turned his hand over so that his palm was facing yours and he slid his fingers in between yours. He held your hand delicately in his own as if it may break if he added any sort of pressure. You tore your eyes away from the sky to look at your joined hands and you turned your head and looked up at him. It took him a moment to move his gaze down to yours, but when he did, you felt breathless. The fading sun reflected in his dark eyes and you could swear that just this once, they had a golden hue. You tightened your fingers around his and leaned closer to him, twisting around to rest your chin against the center of his chest while you kept your eyes upon him. 

He brought a hand up and smoothed back your hair, a small smile forming on his lips. He leaned down and for a split second, you grew excited, anticipating a kiss. He did kiss you, just not where you had expected it. Instead, he placed a very gentle kiss upon your forehead. Your eyes fluttered shut and his lips lingered upon your skin. Your forehead felt warm where his lips touched it and you gave his hand another squeeze. When he finally did pull away, the air felt much colder. He brought the hand that was touching your hair up to your face and he felt your cheeks with the backs of his fingers. 

“I think we should head back. You’re getting rather cold, it seems.” He hummed. 

You didn’t move, though. You stayed with your chin against his chest and your eyes up on his face. He seemed amused by you now, a small laugh escaping his lips. 

“Y/n, I’ll not have you getting sick.” You could tell he was trying to be stern, but the smile on his face made it so hard to take him seriously. 

“You’d better warm me up then, quickly, General!” You teased, moving your head down and resting your cheek against his chest instead of your chin. Your back was twisted at an odd angle and you were admittedly very uncomfortable, but you didn’t move.

“I can warm you up better when we’re in a warm environment, now come on.” He stated and gently grabbed your arms. He turned you forward once again and he let go of your hand. He wrapped his arm around your waist once more and grabbed the horse’s reins with the other hand. He started the horse off back towards the palace and you leaned back completely against his chest once again, placing your hand back on top of his as he held you around your waist. 

The ride back to the Little Palace was silent, but not uncomfortably so. Your husband brought the two of you back to the stables and he easily jumped off the horse and then held his arms out for you. You slid off of the horse and into his arms and he gently set you on the ground. Once you were standing firmly on the ground, you wrapped both of your arms around one of his and leaned your cheek against the side of his arm. He looked down at you with that same amused smile and he led both of you inside. Once you were inside, you felt instant relief from the cold. You hadn’t even noticed how cold you really were until you’d gotten back inside. 

You and your husband made your way through the halls toward your bedroom and were nearly there when you heard someone clear their throat behind you two. Both of you turned around at the same time to see the old woman, Baghra, standing a couple yards behind you. She seemed irate, and took a couple steps towards the two of you. Your husband swept you behind himself in what you could only imagine was a protective manner. 

“I’ve been trying to speak to you for days, boy.” She said, her tone steady and cold. If she was angry, her tone wouldn’t have indicated it. In fact, it wouldn’t have indicated anything at all. Her voice was devoid of emotion, something your husband was able to do often. 

“And I’ve been avoiding you for days. I have important things to tend to, Baghra.” He answered. She came closer. 

Her eyes flickered to you and back to him. She did this a few times before she shook her head, her grey hair shaking with each movement, “Seems you’re not busy now. Have your wife run along so that we may speak.” 

You raised an eyebrow and took a step forward, intent on reminding this woman who she was speaking to. Your husband put his arm out to keep you back and he turned his head and looked down at you, shaking his head sternly. 

“Go get yourself ready for bed. I’ll be along shortly. I just need to speak to Baghra for a moment.”

You looked up at him questioningly but didn’t protest. You could read the room, and you knew this likely wasn’t a time to argue. You gave a small nod to your husband and he gave you a tense smile in return, leaning down to kiss the top of your head. 

“Good girl, run along. Start a fire if you get too cold.” His voice was warm when he spoke to you this time, and it made you smile. 

You turned away from him and you walked briskly toward your room. When you looked back over your shoulder, though, Baghra and your husband were both staring back at you, making your stomach twist uneasily.

-

Your eyes had just barely fluttered shut when the door to your bedroom opened, closing loudly almost instantly after. Your eyes flew open and you sat up on your elbows to see your husband standing near the doorway. You didn’t need to hear his voice or see his face in the light to know that he was angry. You sat up fully and watched him carefully. He stood there for a moment longer before he took off his kefta and hung it over a chair. He looked at you where you sat, and you could tell even in the dim light that he was looking at you, because his eyes shone in the candlelight. You watched him silently as he bustled around the room to rid himself of his dirty clothes and changed into his nightclothes. Once he had finished, he stood motionlessly with his back to you, hands clasped behind his back. You quietly climbed out of bed and you walked towards your husband. Your feet pattered quietly against the floors and once you reached him, you wrapped both of your arms around him from behind. 

He felt tense in your arms and you laid your cheek against his back. You didn’t say anything- you didn’t even know what could have been said. After a few minutes, he laid his hands on your wrists and brushed his thumbs across the backs of your hands. 

“Did you know that Baghra is my mother?” He asked after a long while of silence. 

“I did not.” You answered, but it made sense. They had similar mannerisms, similar ways of presenting themselves. 

Your husband turned around in your arms and looked down at you, resting his hands on your waist. 

“You don’t need to go mentioning that to anyone else.” He stated. 

A look of surprise flashed across your face and you blinked a few times. He had just confided in you. You felt oddly flattered and you almost felt like doing a happy little dance around the room, but you stayed planted in your spot. 

“I won’t.” You promised, leaning closer to him. 

He gave an approving hum and he reached up to tuck a lock of your hair back behind your ear. 

“You should be in bed right now.” He laid his palm against the side of your face and held it like it was the most delicate thing he’d ever handled in his life. 

“Well, I was. In bed, I mean. But then you came in. You’re upset. I just wanted to help.” You explained, leaning into his hand. 

The cold metal of his ring bit into your warm cheek and it nearly made you shiver. You closed your eyes and nuzzled your face into his palm, feeling soothed by the way he swiped his thumb back and forth over your cheekbone every so often. 

“Such a sweet girl,” he cooed, “I am just fine. Don’t worry about me.” he murmured and leaned down. He swept an arm behind your legs and he lifted you up into his arms. You grabbed his shoulders to steady yourself and he hauled you back over to the bed.

He laid you down on your side and you grabbed his arm, tugging on it, “You’re gonna lay down too, right?” You asked softly, looking up at him expectantly. 

“Yes, y/n.” 

You felt relieved when he answered and you rolled onto your side to face him as he walked around the bed and laid down next to you. You smiled over at him as he rolled onto his own side and you wiggled closer to him so that there was only less than a foot of space between your faces. His dark eyes scanned over your face before he reached across the distance between you and tugged you against his chest. A relieved sigh passed your lips and you closed your eyes, resting your head comfortably against the center of his chest. 

“What did your mother say to you that upset you so much?” You asked in a soft tone. As soon as you asked, though, you felt intrusive. He likely would’ve started ranting about it if it was something he wished to discuss. 

But instead of answering you with silence or some other evasive statement, he sighed and began to speak. 

“She believes me to be… threateningly power hungry.”

“And are you?” You asked, tracing your fingers along the smooth silk of his shirt. 

“I think there’s a fine line that runs between knowing what you want and doing everything you can to take it and being power hungry.” He answered, sliding a hand up into your hair. 

“I see. And what is it that you want?” You asked, placing a kiss over his clothed chest. 

“Power.” 

His answer came as a surprise to you. You didn’t expect him to be so forthcoming with anything, especially this. His fingers ran idly through your hair and you wiggled up a bit to tuck your face into the crook of his neck. You felt tired, much more tired than you had been before, but you didn’t want to stop talking to your husband. You didn’t want his openness to end and never make a reappearance. 

“What kind of power?” You asked, trying to ignore the sleepiness that threatened to drag you away. 

“All of it. I want it all.” He replied, voice calm, as if he were having the most casual of conversations with you. 

“I see.” You hummed. 

Neither of you spoke for a while after this. As much as you tried to fight it, you began to drift off to sleep, but it didn’t last long, because your husband spoke again. 

“I married you for power, you know.” 

Your eyes shot open and you sat up on your elbow, gaping down at the man next to you. You didn’t know how to react. His words had sent needle-sharp pains through your chest. Your mouth opened slightly as if you were ready to speak, but you closed it quickly. He held up his finger as if to ask you to hear him out and you blinked incredulously back at him. You didn’t want to hear him out, but you couldn’t think of anything to say. 

“I tried to dislike you. To push you away. I wanted this to be painless. But you made that so hard. You’re brilliant, intelligent, talented… you’re everything. You’re enchanting, y/n Lantsov. Falling for you… that wasn’t part of my plan, but here we are. You’d have to be a fool to not fall for you.” He breathed, reaching up to touch your face with the tips of his fingers. His fingertips grazed your skin and you shivered, eyes falling shut, “The fact of the matter is, I’ve tried with all my might to keep you out. I don’t want you out anymore. I couldn’t care less about power when it comes to you. You’ve enchanted me, Princess. I am under your unbreakable spell. Sometimes I think that you must be a sorceress.” 

His words hit you hard, leaving you struggling to breathe. You should have been mad at him for setting out to use you for gain. You should have slapped him and stormed out of the bedroom. He shouldn’t have been touching you so sweetly, and you shouldn’t have been letting him. Every logical thought in your head told you to get out of bed and run. Run to your parents, break the marriage, tell them the truth of what he had just told you. You should have listened to that logical side of your brain. You should have just listened to your brain in general. 

But wasn’t this what you wanted?

Confusedly, you brought a hand up to the side of your head and you shook it a few times. You’d all but begged him to love you, and here he was, confessing to you in roundabout words that he did. 

Your eyes met his and you wanted to be angry, but his gaze was so soft, so adoring, and it made you waver. He slid his hand around to the back of your head and he pulled your face close to his. 

“I will be honest with you, completely honest, going forward. I give you my word on that. You have every right to be angry. But I beg of you; don’t walk away.” And he was indeed begging. You’d never heard this tone leave his mouth before. He never begged. He was to be begged for. He commanded respect wherever he went. You doubted this man had ever begged for anything in his entire life. 

He pulled your face closer, so close now that his lips brushed yours as he spoke.

“Let me love you. The way you deserve.” 

Hearing his words was blissful. You tried desperately to muster up some- any- anger, but you were failing miserably. Every urge to scream, to run, to leave, was rapidly slipping away, and all you could focus on now was how close his lips were to yours. You swallowed thickly, not opening your mouth, afraid of what might come out. You noticed your hands were trembling and you balled them into fists to keep them from shaking.

Let me love you. 

Weren’t you asking him to do this just a month ago? The words echoed in your head on and on, back and forth, and despite your better judgment, you felt one word slip through your lips. 

“Okay.”

Then, he kissed you. This kiss was much sweeter than the last, and you were hesitant to kiss back now, but did it really matter? You’d already pushed aside all logic tonight. What would it hurt to kiss your husband back?

So you did. 

-

“Are your eyes closed?” Your husband asked you, giddy with excitement. 

You smiled and for extra measure, put your hands over your closed eyes, “Yes, my love. They aren’t open.” You replied, letting him gently steer you into another room. 

He finally stopped walking and held you still, his hands gently holding your waist from behind. You leaned back into his grasp and let out a soft, content sigh. 

“Alright. You may go ahead and open your eyes.” 

You uncovered your eyes and opened them up and your eyes fell upon a brilliant dress sitting upon a dress form in the middle of the room. It was a sleek, black gown with a low neckline and long sleeves. Pearls and little crystals were sewn into the fabric in swirling designs around the neckline and over the sleeves. You slowly turned around and looked up at your husband with wide eyes. 

“I know black has never been your choice of color to wear, and if you don’t want to wear it to the fete tonight, you may pick whatever else you’d like, but I had this made for you. I just thought perhaps that we could match.” He murmured, reaching out to grab your chin delicately. 

You smiled up at him gratefully and you shook your head, “No, I want to wear it. It’s beautiful.” You said softly, leaning into his touch. You were much more open to wearing black these days anyway, having the newfound desire to wear your husband’s color for everyone to see.  

He leaned down and brought your lips to his in a slow, relaxed kiss. You relished the feeling of his warm lips against yours and you moved closer to him, bringing a hand up to rest on the side of his neck. He pulled away and you let out a disappointed whine, trying to chase his lips with your own as he stood back up straight. 

He chuckled, “There will be plenty of time for that later, my love. For now, I think we ought to start getting ready for the fete tonight.”

You frowned and dramatically sighed, collapsing forward against his chest. You wound both of your arms up around his neck and you rested your cheek against the center of his chest, 

“Thank you.” You whispered, “The dress is beautiful.” 

He wrapped his own arms around your waist and drew you in close, his nose burying itself in your hair, “You needn’t thank me, sweet girl. It’ll look beautiful on you.”

“What will you wear?” You asked, tucking your face against his shoulder. Your fingers absentmindedly twisted in the hair at the back of his head and you gave it a very gentle tug. 

“Something nice. Similarly colored, too.” He said, sarcastically. 

You smiled at his dry remark and you pulled your head back to look up at his beautiful face. His dark eyes looked down into yours and he brought a hand up to your face, cupping your cheek carefully. There was a certain pain in his eyes that you couldn’t ignore and you brought your hand up to rest against the back of his. 

“What troubles you, darling?” You asked, your smile faltering just slightly. 

He brought his forehead down to yours and he nudged your nose with the tip of his, “Little love, what makes you think something troubles me?” He asked, lips grazing yours. 

“You look… anguished. In your eyes.” You answered, your own eyes falling closed. His breath fanned across your face and you parted your lips slightly when his brushed across yours. 

“Anguished? How could I be anguished at a time like this? I have my darling wife in my arms.” He whispered, his tone convincing. 

“Are you sure?” You asked quietly, “You can tell me.” You pressed, fingers sliding in between his. 

“I assure you, there is no anguish inside of me. You’ve made sure of that.” He cooed, pressing multiple feather-light kisses to your lips. 

You took his word for it and slowly pulled away from him, smiling just a bit, “Do you get to help me into my dress or is that a task for your Tailor?” You asked, wandering towards the dress in the middle of the room.  

“I suppose that if you want the dress on now, we can put it on you.” He answered and followed you. 

You turned the dress form around and unlaced the silk gown with delicate fingers before you pulled it off entirely. You held the garment out for your husband to take and he did, his eyes never leaving you. You quickly undressed out of your plain sky blue gown and you kicked it aside, eager to get into the dress that he had made for you. You turned to face your husband now and you stepped closer to him and held your hands out for the dress. Instead, he took a step closer to you and he grabbed your arm. He tugged you close to him and he dipped his head down to place a few kisses to your shoulder. You let out a soft sigh when you felt his lips against your skin and you nearly shivered. 

“If you start something like that, I’m afraid I won’t stop you.” You whispered shakily, bringing a hand up into his hair as he trailed his lips down towards your collarbones. 

“Don’t stop me, then, Princess.” He mumbled, hand still on your arm. You almost allowed him to convince you, but you frowned and shook your head.

“We don’t have time. You have to get ready, so do I…” you hummed, rather distracted. His kiss made your stomach do flips and as much as you said that you two shouldn’t, you wanted to allow him to do whatever he pleased in that moment. 

Much to your secret dismay, The Darkling lifted his head away from your chest and he hummed. 

“Such a shame. I suppose I’ll just have to look forward to taking you out of that dress, then.” He commented and finally let go of your arm and handed you the gown. 

You carefully took it from his hands and you stepped into the dress. You pulled it up and slid your arms into the soft sleeves and then turned around. Your husband moved your hair over your shoulder as your back faced him and he laced up your dress. You recalled the last time he did this and almost laughed at how different it was now. The first time he’d laced up your dress, you’d not wanted him anywhere near you, and now all you could think about was his hands all over you. The thought of his hands all over your body made you bite your bottom lip and you tilted your head to the side. 

He finished doing up your dress and he turned you around slowly, taking in the way the dress settled upon your body. There was a sense of pride in the way that he smiled down at you and you did a little twirl in front of him. The skirt of the dress swished around your ankles and you giggled, turning back around to grin up at your husband. 

“Do we like it?” You asked, running your hands over the pearl embellished bodice.

“We do.” His tone was low and his eyes were taking you in as if it was the first time he was seeing you. 

You bounded forward and threw your arms around his neck once more, tugging him down towards you. You pressed a handful of excited kisses to his lips and each time he kissed you back, his lips curling into a pleasant smile. 

“Thank you.” You breathed, bumping your nose against his. 

He pulled away and he took your hand in his, “Don’t thank me, Princess. I should thank you for wearing it, gracing my eyes with your beauty. Besides, I like it when you wear my color. It gives me a sense of pride, it’s such a beautiful sight to see you in it. I don’t just ask anyone to wear it, you know. Only someone who has a special place in my heart.” He replied and then winked down at you, “Come, let’s go get you ready for the fete.” He prompted and tugged you towards the door, his eyes lingering on you for just a second longer. 

You couldn’t help but notice the pained look that still hung in his dark eyes. 

-

“My beautiful girl!” Your mother’s voice rang out across the crowded room. 

Your parents rose from their seats when you came into view and you gave them a soft smile. You were clinging to your husband’s arm as if someone would take him from your grasp, and justifiably so. This was the largest event of the year, and there were hundreds of people, some of which from other countries. The eyes of almost everyone in the room were on the two of you, and you imagined you must have been a spectacle. It was no surprise to see the Second Army’s General in all black, but for you to be in his color? That must have been new. A little smirk threatened to cover your lips, you felt so powerful at his side. 

The two of you took graceful strides up to your parents and you finally pulled away from your husband’s arm. You stood up on your toes and placed a quick, chaste kiss on his lips. He let out a breathy laugh as you pulled away and turned to your parents. You greeted them warmly and gave them both little kisses on their cheeks before you turned to your brother, Vasily. You gave him a curt nod and then took your place back at your husband’s side.

“I never thought I’d see the day where you wore anything that wasn’t so brightly colored.” Your mother commented and sat back in her plush chair, “You look dazzling, dear. Both of you. You could make a burlap sack look good though, darling! I mean, I’d hope you never have to but, still!” Your mother gushed, and you chuckled and glanced up at your husband. 

His eyes didn’t meet yours. In fact, his eyes were transfixed on the doorway. You slowly followed his gaze once you realized he wasn’t tearing his attention away from whatever was at the doorway anytime soon, and quickly wished you hadn’t. 

Alina Starkov, the Sun Summoner stepped into the room looking as decorated as a war hero. Her hair was done up beautifully and she looked poised and… perfect. None of this would have bothered you though, if it wasn’t for her clothing.

Black. 

A black kefta with beautiful golden embroidery. 

Your mouth twitched angrily and you watched her as she approached you and your husband, her eyes on his. He watched her with a smile as she strode towards you two and you slipped your arm away from his, turning your head slowly towards him. He slowly shifted his eyes towards your face, and his smile seemed to melt. The pained look returned to his eyes as he looked at you and he opened his mouth as if he were going to speak but you held your hand up. 

“Not. A. Word.” You hissed and he seemed as if he was going to argue, but you cleared your throat and turned towards your parents, giving them a warm, performative smile, “May I sit with you, Mother?” You asked, motioning to the empty seat next to her. 

Your mother enthusiastically urged you to sit down and you did, your legs crossing stiffly. Your husband looked at you, pleaded for your attention with his eyes and the look within them, but you turned your head to listen to whatever conversation your parents and Vasily were having. You felt sick to your stomach while you only half listened to Vasily speak about the ongoing war and you wrapped your arms around yourself. 

“I don’t just ask anyone to wear it, you know. Only someone who has a special place in my heart.”

Your husband’s words from earlier rang in your ears and your eyes strayed to him. He stood next to Alina now, talking to her. A smitten smile covered her lips. You couldn’t take it. You shot up from your chair and you heard your mother gasp, startled by the sudden movement. 

“I’ll be back, excuse me please.” You murmured. 

Your mother grabbed your wrist and looked up at you, “Oh, but if you leave now you’ll miss the show!” Your mother exclaimed, pointing to Alina and your husband. 

“Let her go, Mother.” Vasily said in a sympathetic tone. You looked at your brother, shocked, and he gave you a half smile before his gaze wandered to Alina and your husband. He looked back at you and he nodded towards the door, “I’m sure she’ll be back in time for drinks, Mother.” He finished. 

You felt a bit taken aback by your brother’s kindness, and furthermore his attention to detail, but you were thankful nonetheless, and you turned quickly on your heel and made your way into the crowd. You moved past your husband and Alina and you pushed through a crowd of people by the door who all gasped once they saw who was shoving them out of the way. Tears welled up in your eyes and you swallowed them back, forcing yourself to stay composed. You heard gasps and cheers and then applause behind you, but you didn’t look back. You kept pushing ahead. Your hands were shaking as you made it out of the crowd and you rushed down the hallway, holding your hand over your aching chest. You came to the grand staircase which was being watched by two royal guards, making sure no partygoers got upstairs. You gave them both a polite nod, and they gave you a respectful bow of the head as you passed by them. 

You took the steps two at a time, rushing to get upstairs where no one could see you. Once you’d reached the landing at the top of the stairs, you bolted into a hallway just to your left and you leaned against the wall. You listened silently for anyone, and once you had deduced that no one was around, you slid down the wall, your shaking hand still clasped to your chest. You felt panicked and angry. You felt like your chest was going to collapse in on itself and you lowered your entire body to the floor, curling up into a makeshift ball, your dress not allowing you full range of motion. 

You wanted to slam your head against the wall. How could you have been so stupid? Your husband didn’t love you. How could he? You were both pushed into a marriage that you didn’t want, both practically strangers to one another before then, too. Tears began to stream steadily out of your eyes and down onto the cool marble floor beneath your cheek. He’d lied to you. He made you feel important to him, he spent every day since you’d admitted you wanted his love, doting on you and making you feel like you’d finally had it. You thought you’d had it. 

Of course he’d want Alina Starkov. Being with you had one selling point; a political advantage. A power grab. But being with Alina? They were both Grisha, you were not. They were each other’s balance. She was the light to his darkness, and you were… nothing. In fifty years, Alina wouldn’t have aged a moment, she’d still be as radiant as she was tonight, but in fifty years for you? You’d be growing old, you wouldn’t be able bodied any longer. 

So of course your husband wouldn’t love you. You were a handful of decades of slight inconvenience and then he’d never have to deal with you again. 

You weren’t sure how long you’d been lying there in the dark, empty hallway, but you had long since stopped crying. Your head ached horribly, your chest felt empty, and you couldn’t bear to drag yourself up off of the floor and down the corridor to your old bedroom, even though it was mere steps away from where you laid against the wall. You were certain that you looked absolutely pathetic there, curled up in a mess of fabric with tears stained cheeks and bright red eyes. 

You felt heartbroken. Did you even have the right to feel that way? Your relationship with The Darkling had been tumultuous and was all over the place, never staying consistently one way for as long as it had been a thing. Could you even call it a relationship? Your head spun and you reached up to dry your eyes, your arms feeling stiff. The air around you seemed to be cold and it caused little goosebumps to break out all over your skin. Distantly, you heard voices calling out for you, but you ignored them and pushed yourself up off of the floor. You refused to allow anyone to see you in such a state. You’d been taught from a young age to always be composed in front of others, it was unbecoming of a princess to be a mess. 

You shakily climbed to your feet, feeling another wave of tears building up behind your eyes and you walked tiredly into your old bedroom, slamming the door behind you. Everything inside was clean and crisp, just as you had left it many months ago. You collapsed onto the bed in the dark room and you stared up at the ceiling soundlessly, tears escaping the corners of your eyes. Odd, you thought. You’d been under the impression that you’d cried out all your tears.

The sounds of your name grew closer and closer, but you still ignored them, not wanting to be bothered. You wanted to be alone, you wanted to mourn, whatever this was, alone. 

You didn’t have such luck, though. Footsteps stampeded through the hallway and your door was flung open. 

“I’ve found her!” A voice called out, and you recognized it as one of your father’s personal guards. 

“Y/n!” You heard your mother shriek as she pushed her way into the room. You turned your head and watched your father, your brother, three guards, and much to your dismay, your husband all flood into the room. 

“Darling, are you hurt?” Your father asked and approached you, standing at the side of your bed. 

Yes, you wanted to say, but you shook your head a few times and turned your head away from your father. 

“Oh, my sweet child!” Your mother cried and rushed to your side, reaching down to wipe your cheeks dry with the backs of her hands, “Where on earth have you been? Someone has tried to kill the Sun Summoner, and we couldn’t find you, and we were so afraid-“

“Tatiana, we don’t need to frighten her. She’s safe.” Your father said, cutting your mother off. Your father turned and looked at your husband and he nodded at you once and you wanted to scream. Your husband slowly approached you as well and you wanted to jump off of the bed and throw yourself out the window to get away from him. 

But you didn’t. Instead, you stared up at him disdainfully. Unshed tears seemed to sit in his eyes and he looked unusually out of sorts. Perhaps no one could tell as much, but you could. You’d spent almost everyday with the man for many, many months, and you couldn’t tell, he wasn’t at his most composed.  

“You could have been killed.” He said in a harsh whisper, looking down upon you with a look of sadness. 

You didn’t reply, you only closed your eyes and turned your head away from all of them. Maybe if you held your breath for a moment, they’d disappear. Maybe if you kept your eyes shut, you’d disappear into thin air. You wished you were invisible.

“I want to be alone. I’m sure-“ 

“Alone? Oh, no. No, no. Absolutely not, darling. You are to go back to the Little Palace with the General at once. You are not to be alone, not after the fright we’ve had tonight.” Your father said sternly. 

You widened your eyes in anger and you readied yourself to argue, but before you could get a sound out of your mouth, your husband scooped you into his arms like a doll. You looked up at him scornfully and he avoided your eyes, looking up at your parents instead. 

“I’ll keep her safe while we figure out what’s going on.” He promised and your parents nodded. 

He finally looked down at you with that same, pained expression from earlier and he began to walk towards the door. 

Vasily stepped in front of your husband just as he was going to walk out of the room and he looked The Darkling up and down. 

“Vasily-“ you began, but you wouldn’t get the chance to finish, because your brother stepped aside and silenced you with a look. Your husband stared down at your brother as if to dare him to do something. 

After a tense few seconds, your husband walked out into the hallway, away from your parents and brother, and down the stairs. Once he had reached the bottom of the stairs, you sniffled and placed your hands on his chest, pushing slightly. 

“Put me down. Please.” You said hoarsely. 

“Not a chance.” He replied drearily. 

“Put me down, now. I don’t want you to touch me.” 

“I need you to trust me. I don’t care what you want right now, but-“

“Trust you?” You bellowed, feeling a white hot surge of anger at his words and your husband shot you a deadly look. You glared up at him as he did and you shook your head, “I will never forgive you for this.” You hissed. 

“I’ll live without your forgiveness. You could have been in danger tonight, you know. I was worried.” He scolded you, walking down into the courtyard with you in his arms. Once he reached the gravel road, he set you down on your feet and he stared down into your eyes, “If you had been hurt tonight… I don’t know what I would have done.”

“You would have gone on just fine by Alina’s side.” 

“Y/n, you already know I don’t have feelings for Alina.” He groaned and grabbed you by your arms, “Open your eyes! I only have a place in my heart for you.” He insisted. 

You jutted your chin up in the air and shook your head, “My eyes are wide open, and I don’t need to-“ you were cut off by the sight of Baghra, seemingly appearing out of nowhere next to the two of you. 

“I heard about your Tracker.” She drawled, looking up at her son with the same stone cold eyes that you’d seen on your husband many times. 

A pointed flash of controlled anger sparkled in your husband’s eyes and you rapidly looked between the two of them, unsure of what was going on in the conversation. 

“Who?” Your husband asked, tone blank. 

“The Tracker,” she repeated, “Yes, I know about him… and your little mission.” She deadpanned.

Your husband reached down and grabbed your wrist gently and moved you behind him, just as he did the last time Baghra had come around. She snorted humorlessly at the motion. 

“What have you done with him?” Your husband asked in a low tone. 

“Disposed of. Along with your hopes of locating the stag.” She countered back, a certain smugness hiding behind the collected tone she spoke in. 

Your husband seemed amused and his jaw flexed before he spoke again, “I always have hope, Mother. Even you can’t kill that.”

“That isn’t hope. That’s greed.” She corrected, taking a step closer to both of you. You felt uneasy, and even more so when her eyes flickered to you and stayed on your face, “You would use Alina against the rest of the world, just as you planned to use this poor little girl.”

Your husband’s lip twitched downwards and he balled his fists up at his sides, “Mother, I’d beseech you to leave my wife out of this. As for Alina, she is the future, she is the one-“

“Yes!” Baghra quipped, a little smirk forming on her thin, wrinkled lips, “but where is she?”

“Careful.” Your husband snapped, stepping aside to block you from his mother’s view, “you don’t really matter anymore, either.”

“Careful? Me? I’m always careful, Aleksander.” She cooed, and your mouth fell open. Aleksander? Was that your husband’s name? You’d never known him by a first name, and perhaps that was on purpose. You’d only asked about it once, days after your marriage, and he simply told you that his name wasn’t important knowledge. 

Baghra continued, breaking you out of your thoughts. 

“Perhaps you should be careful. Princess Lantsov isn’t indestructible, you know.” She said in a high pitched, cocky whisper. 

You felt a shiver run down your spine. Was she threatening you? You had never done anything to her, you’d never even had a proper conversation with the old woman. 

“If you so much as threaten to put my wife in harm’s way,” he began, stepping closer to his mother, towering over her menacingly, “think about what I might do.”

You watched the two of them from over your husband’s shoulder and you took one step back before your husband turned around and he grabbed your wrist again, pulling you protectively against his side while he walked away from his mother. 

“I’d wager you’d need a skilled tracker to find Alina now!” His mother called after him, but he kept walking with his hand around your wrist. 

You could’ve sworn he was trembling, but you weren’t sure. 

The two of you walked in silence back to your shared bedroom in the Little Palace, and he slammed the door behind the two of you, letting your wrist go once you were in the safety of your own quarters. You took a few steps away from him and you looked him up and down a few times, wrapping your arms around yourself. 

“You don’t have to understand all of the reasons behind the things I do.” He said, taking a step towards you. 

Your brain was reeling from the conversation he’d just had with his mother in front of you and you pressed your fingertips into your skin as he stepped closer to you. 

You took one step back again. 

“Stop.” You whispered.

“I need you to listen to me now.” He pressed, walking towards you now. 

“Stop.” You pleaded, taking a few more steps back. 

“You have to hear me out, Princess. This is life or death.” He insisted, taking another step closer. 

You backed up until your back hit the wall and you shook your head violently.

“Stop, please.” You said and covered your ears, but he still approached you. 

“Nothing is as it seems-“

“Aleksander, stop!” You cried, clutching your head in your hands. 

The silence was thick between the two of you, and when you looked up at his face, he seemed surprised. He stopped moving towards you, stopped speaking, stopped moving all together. It seemed you had completely caught him off guard. 

“Enough. Enough of this. This ends tonight. You will be honest with me- completely honest- and I will walk out of this palace and our marriage will be over. I am not negotiating, this is not up for discussion, I am telling you what you will do.” You commanded, leaning your head back against the wall exhaustedly. 

He seemed to completely concede and he gave you one single nod, “What would you like to know?”

“Everything. You will tell me everything. Start at the beginning. Why did you want to marry me? What purpose could I possibly even serve for you?”

He didn’t respond right away. He took his time to think, to stare at your face longingly. Finally, he exhaled and he folded his arms over his chest. 

“I wasn’t lying when I told you I wanted power. Marrying you means that if something were to happen to your brother, I’d be next in line to rule. Alongside you, of course. My plan was set in stone, until I made you cry in the hallway, the first day I was back with Alina. You looked so sad, so hurt by the words I’d said to you, and for the first time in a very long time, I felt guilty. Falling for you… came quickly after that. You were no longer just a means to get what I wanted. You were a girl. A beautiful, sweet girl, who only wanted to love and be loved in return, a girl that was completely innocent. You’d committed no crime, done no harm to warrant what I’d set out for. I didn’t lie when I said that you have enchanted me. I love you. I adore you. I am sick with adoration for you.” He confessed, falling to his knees before you. 

You stared down at him and it took everything in you to not crumble to your own knees and beg him to take you in his arms. It took willpower you didn’t even know you had to stay standing against the wall. 

“And what of Alina? What about her?” You asked, your voice wavering. 

“Alina Starkov is power. Alina is…” he trailed off, collecting his thoughts before he started back up again, “My intentions with Alina are less than honorable. She is a rather large stepping stone towards the power I desire. But she is nothing more. When I told you I didn’t have feelings for her, I didn’t lie, y/n. How could I? She isn’t you.” He insisted, leaning forward on his knees. 

“What of her wearing black then? You told me that you only wanted someone close to you to wear your color.” You demanded, hands on your hips. 

“I needed her to trust me. That is all. I swear on my life, darling, that there is no room for her in my heart.” He pleaded. The look in his eyes was desperate and you let out a shaky sigh you hadn’t realized you’d been holding. 

You knew by the way he spoke, the way his eyes were pleading with you, the way he had taken to his knees in front of you, that he was telling you the truth. There was no evasion, no stories. Just the truth. You very slowly sank to your knees in front of him and you grabbed his chin with your fingers. 

“What was your mother going on about?” You asked, staring into his eyes. 

This seemed much harder for him to answer by the look on his face. He reached up and grabbed your hand and pulled it away from his chin. He held your hand tightly in his and he let out a long sigh. 

“I will explain this to you in time. But all you need to know right now is that my mother is intent on hurting anyone who dares take my side, one way or another. I have been presented with the opportunity to further my power, through the use of a very old, very powerful, practically mythical creature, and my mother is hellbent on taking that away from me.” He explained, holding your hand tighter.

“Why do you need more power, Aleksander?” You asked quietly, staring into his eyes seriously. 

“So that I can build a perfect world for you and me.” He whispered, pulling you closer to him. 

You hesitantly moved closer to your husband and then you stopped. 

Though everything he said to you was likely the truth based on his demeanor, it still didn’t excuse it. Your bottom lip quivered and you sniffled back tears as you stared into his eyes. Your brain told you to get up and leave. It told you to walk out and never look back, and that’s what you wanted to do. That’s what you should do. But your heart ached in your chest at the sight of him and you found yourself shuffling forward to collapse against his chest. 

He let out a quiet sound that could have passed as an exhale, but it sounded a bit too similar to a sob. His strong arms wound around your body and held you against his chest protectively, lovingly. He pressed his cheek against the top of your head and you gathered the lapels of his kefta in your fists, pulling yourself closer to him. 

You felt weak, and you scolded yourself for not having the willpower to walk out of his room. You should have pulled away from him and done it anyway, but he held you so tenderly. You pressed your ear against his chest and could swear that you heard the faint thump of his heart. You felt safe in his embrace, comforted, too. 

His hand slid up into your hair and he very gently ran his fingers through it, knowing fully how it relaxed you. 

“Don’t leave me, darling. Please. You are all I have.” He whispered, pressing his lips against your temple, “All I need. I will protect you always, love you, always. Just stay with me.” He pleaded, voice gentle. 

And once again, you found yourself conceding. 

-

The day after the Winter Fete was overcast and grey. It was as if the party had summoned winter, because the air became much colder and much drier. The air was thick and full of tension in the Little Palace, and everyone was bustling about busily. Your husband had been among the busy. You sat in an armchair by your bed, reading-but-not-really-reading one of your husband’s books, tucked underneath a thick blanket. 

Your husband had mentioned the day would be busy for him as you two laid in bed last night. So far from what you understood, someone had tried to kill Alina last night. Your husband had slipped out once you were asleep to interrogate the man who attempted to kill her. Furthermore, Alina had run off last night after being prompted to leave by Baghra, a Heartrender close to your husband, by the name of Nina, was missing, and so was the boy that had told your husband about the mythical animal he’d been hunting. 

A knock sounded at your door, breaking the eerie silence around you, and you looked up from your book. 

“Come in!” You called, tipping your head to the side. 

Ivan, one of your husband’s closest confidants, opened the door and gave you a small, rare smile. 

“Your Grace, The General wishes to see you in his office.” He said, bowing his head at you respectfully. 

You tucked a piece of your hair back behind your ear and you smiled, “Alright. Thank you, Ivan.” You said softly and rose from the chair, setting the blanket on the bed. You placed the book down on the chair and looked up at Ivan who hadn’t left the room yet, “You may go, I’m sure you have much to attend to.” You said with a small smile. 

Ivan shook his head and he gave you another smile, though it was a bit sympathetic this time, “My apologies, Princess, but your husband has requested that I escort you there. He’s a bit worried after last night.”

“Ivan,” you began with a soft laugh, “it’s only down the hall.”

He gave you an apologetic glance and then you sighed, nodding once, understanding that he was only following orders. You walked towards Ivan and he offered his arm to you, which you took with a quiet ‘thank you’. He led you out of your room and down the hall to Aleksander’s office, which was quite literally just six doors away. He pushed the door open without knocking and he pulled his arm away from yours. 

You stepped inside of the office to see your husband sitting at his desk. He slowly turned his head to see who was at the door, and when he saw you, he looked relieved. A sweet smile crept up onto his face and he held his hand out for you, beckoning you closer. You returned his smile and made your way over to him, lifting the skirt of your dress up off of the floor. Once you reached his side, he grabbed your hand and lifted it to his lips. He pressed a kiss to your knuckles and then he slowly moved your hand away from his lips, gazing up at you contently. 

“I’ve missed you.” He commented with a little sigh, “Sit.” He said and shifted a bit in his chair to give you space to sit on his thigh.

You sat down on his thigh and you wrapped both of your arms around his neck, peering down at the papers on his desk.

“Any word on… well, anything?” You asked, twisting the ends of his hair around your fingertips. 

“Not so far… but we’re going to be assembling a group to go searching for her.” He replied and leaned close to you to press a soft kiss to your cheek, “I’d like you to come with me. I’m not leaving you here where my mother is. I don’t trust her, and I don’t think any guard could keep her in line should she… act out.” He explained, resting his forehead against the side of your face.  

“Come with you? But what about my parents? Will they even allow it?” You asked, raising your eyebrows. You couldn’t imagine your mother being overly elated to have you leave Os Alta. 

“By law, you are under my care as my wife. They don’t really have much say. Though, I’ll speak to them and explain that you’ll be safer with me given the attack at the party last night.” He hummed and pulled his head away from yours. He looked back down at the papers on his desk and you looked down at them as well. Maps and notes and letters were strewn messily across his desk and it was hard to tell what exactly he was looking at. 

“Shall I pack?” You asked, eyeing a book that had a sketch of a large stag with an intricate set of antlers. 

“No need, little love,” he answered, not looking up, “I’ve already had servants pack everything you will need to be away for some time.”

You laid your head down against his shoulder and you felt his arm slide around your waist, holding you close to him. You felt a bit uneasy as you eyed the maps on his desk. You’d never been out of Os Alta more than once in your entire life, and you had sure never been anywhere near The Fold. You almost shivered as your eyes fell upon The Fold on the map and you hoped that you wouldn’t have to get close to it on your travels with your husband.

“We won’t have to go near The Fold, will we?” You asked softly, still fiddling with his hair. 

Aleksander sighed and he turned away from his work to look up at you, “Oh, my love, you don’t need to fear The Fold. Nothing can hurt you as long as I’m by your side.” He assured you. 

Fear made your stomach turn and you lifted your head away from his shoulder, “So we are? We aren’t going through it, though? Right?” You asked. 

“Well, when we find Alina, yes. We will be going through it.” He replied and you shook your head a few times. 

“Aleksander-“

“My love,” he cut you off, placing his hand on the side of your face, “nothing will happen. You will be perfectly safe and taken care of. Please, don’t fret about this.” He whispered soothingly, leaning up to press a few reassuring kisses to the side of your face. 

The thought of going through The Fold was terrifying. You’d been told from a young age that many times, people did not cross it safely. You bit your bottom lip and looked back at the map on his desk with the large black stain indicating The Fold. 

“If we’re going through with Alina, she’ll tear it down, then, right? That’s the whole reason we need her?” You asked and then looked back at your husband. 

He smoothed back your hair and he placed a little kiss on your nose, “You are worrying about things that don’t need to be worried about, darling. Everything will go according to plan.” 

You still felt uneasy at the prospect of going through The Fold, but you laid your head back on Aleksander’s shoulder nonetheless. 

“When are we leaving?” You asked softly and grabbed his hand in your own, playing with his fingers. 

“In an hour.” He replied and moved up to press a quick kiss to your lips. 

You hummed when he kissed you and slowly pulled back when he did, “So soon?” You asked, surprised. 

“Well, yes. We need to get going before nightfall.” He replied and slid his fingers in between yours, “Why don’t we go get you dressed warmly, hm?” He suggested and you slid off of his lap, nodding once. 

He rose from his chair and he neatly pushed it in, leaving the maps and other papers scattered across his desk. He had faint dark circles under his eyes and his hair was a bit out of place, he seemed tired. You gently grabbed his hand and frowned, looking up into his eyes. 

“You seem so tired, Aleksander. Why don’t you sleep for a little while? Surely we can leave after you wake.” You pressed, though you doubted he’d agree. You turned out to be correct because he shook his head and gave you a small smile. 

“We really need to get going, y/n.” He stated, tugging you towards the door. 

You followed alongside him as he brought you back to your bedroom and he dropped your hand as soon as you were inside. He rushed to the wardrobe and opened it up, pulling out your long, thick coat and one of his heavy, fur-lined cloaks. You puffed out your cheeks almost exasperatedly and you made your way to your bed. You sat down on the edge of the bed and watched him as he compared coats, trying to figure out which one was warmer. Truthfully, the last thing you wanted to do was follow him around while he hunted down Alina and this animal, but you weren’t too sure how well that conversation would go over. 

Finally, your husband had made a decision on which coat to put on you and he came and laid it next to you on the bed, giving you a soft smile as he did.  

“Will you put on a warmer dress, darling? One of the heavier ones, please.” He requested, standing in front of you to cup your cheeks in his cold hands. 

“This dress is plenty warm, especially if I will have a coat and your cloak on.” You replied and leaned into his hands. The cold, hard edges of your husband’s rings pressed into your cheek and you shivered slightly. 

“Y/n. A warmer dress, please.” He replied, and you knew this wasn’t up for discussion.

He pulled away and you stood up, going over to the wardrobe with a little sigh. You dug through your wide array of dresses before you found one of your winter dresses and you pulled it out. You quickly changed out of your current dress and into the warmer one while your husband rummaged through one of your chests, presumably looking for gloves. When he found them, he walked towards you and he placed them gently in your hands. 

“Put these on. And…” he paused and walked over to the bed and grabbed the coat, “this too.” He said and you let out a quiet sigh. 

You put the gloves on, as well as the coat with a bit of help from him, and once you were buttoned up tightly inside of your coat, he stepped back and surveyed you for a moment. He nodded once, seemingly pleased with his work and then he began to put on his own cloak and gloves. 

“Aleksander?” You asked in a tiny voice, looking over at your husband with a small frown.  

He lifted his head and looked at you while he tied his cloak up, “Yes, little love?” He asked, raising his eyebrow curiously. 

“I don’t want to leave home.” You said quietly, shuffling your feet almost awkwardly. The thought of Ravka outside of Os Alta was terrifying to you. Your parents had always told you that the war had taken its toll on the country and that the best place to be was the capital, the safest place, too. 

He thought for a moment on how to respond to you, and you thought that he wasn’t going to reply at all, but he finally let out a very slow sigh and approached you, holding his arms open. You slowly stepped into his arms and he wrapped them around your waist, holding you close to his chest. 

“I know you’re nervous, but you must understand, sweet girl, that I would never let anything happen to you. It’s simply out of the question. You will be the safest you’ve ever been with me, surrounded by other very gifted Grisha.” His voice was velvety and you suddenly felt very silly for your fears. He had a way of doing that- making you feel like he was the only answer to your questions, soothing your worries with sweet words and touches. 

As you rested your head against his chest, he brought a hand up to hold the back of your head and you let out a very quiet sigh, your eyes falling shut. He held you for a while, unmoving, and you wondered if he had turned to marble for a moment. Finally, he let go of you and leaned down to press a kiss to your hairline. 

“We should get going.” He murmured and took your hand. 

You nodded once and squeezed his hand, disappointed to find that you were still nervous. 

[redheadspark]

this is from the grumpy and sunshine list- why don’t you give up on me like everyone else and you’re not gonna get rid of me that easily with azriel please! x

A/N - Awww this is sweet for Azriel! Thanks for the request, anon!

Lift

Summary - Azriel knows when you lift you when you're down.

Warnings - mostly angst with a hint of fluff

The silence in the room was a bit deafening as you heard the door opening and closing behind you, knowing fully well who it was thanks to your bond humming.  Of course, your hum was beyond happy that your mate was now in the room, though your spirit was less so.  The stress of work at the Community Center, almost losing some of your purchases that you made the day before thanks to mishandling when you were walking throughout the street, was all too much. You were rethinking the day over and over again, wondering where you went wrong and what you could have done to make it better.

But nothing was coming to mind, and you sighed in frustration.

“Bad day?” You heard a deep yet soothing tone, you said nothing at first as you were still looking at your lap, “Rhysand told me a little bit, but I wanna hear the rest from you,”

“Why?” You meekly asked, sniffling a bit as you had the overwhelming urge to cry on the spot.  How could your mate be so gentle when you were beyond angry with yourself?  When everything that could go wrong did go wrong, your emotions were all over the place, and all you wanted to do was hide under the sheets and help that it would all go away.  

“Because talking it out is the best way,” he reminded you soothingly as you heard him walking around the bed that you were perched on, finally having you feel his shadows lick against your skin to give you some sense of comfort, “Bottling it up is hard and not healthy,”

“I’ve done it so many times that sometimes….it’s the only thing I can do,” You admitted, another lick from his shadows along your arm as you felt a tear escape your eye and slide down your cheek, “Why do I let stuff get to me?”

“You have a massive heart, that’s why,” You looked over at your mate, Azriel, who smiled softly at you as one of his scarred fingers reached over to trace away the teardrop that was about to fall, then cupping your face gently, “But even those with the biggest hearts tend to be hard on themselves,”

You leaned into his hand as he kept his gaze on you with his hazel eyes, “I’m so used to dealing with this on my own for the longest time….and I don’t mean to shut you out---“

“I know,” He hummed, leaning over to kiss your cheek lovingly, “And you’re not,”

You both loved and hated how Azriel loved you with all his heart.  When you two found out you were mates it was awkward, to say the least since you two were merely acquaintances.  You were more uneasy with the notion of being mates with the Spymaster of Night Court, not to mention a Shadowsinger and one of the deadliest Illryians far and wide.  However, Azriel never minded being mated with you.  In fact, he was the optimistic one and took the bond wholeheartedly.  With plenty of work and dedication, you both became a fierce couple and deeply in love with one another.

But like all couples, you two had burdens and responsibilities that you carried. Azriel’s was more dangerous since he was a notorious spy and had to go out on missions constantly.  Not to mention, training new Illyrians at the camp, then going to plenty of meetings, and visiting other courts.  His plates were almost full on a daily basis, but Azriel made it a habit to not bring his work home to you and your small little home that was out in the countryside of Velaris.  

Your burdens were more deep, thanks to your troubled past and your brutal relationship with your father.  He was tough on you, making you feel so small and placing the notion of not being good enough in your mind.  The trauma followed you until your adult years, making you finally leave your childhood home and your father behind to find your new path in life.  The pain and uneasiness placed a rough callous over yourself, making you think that there was no way to be tender again.

Azriel seemed to be the one who broke away the callous and made your tender again.

“Is it wrong for me to wonder why don’t you give up on me like everyone else?” You asked in a mumble.  Azriel felt his heart break from the notion, wrapping you in his arms instantly as you nuzzled into him and breathed in his scent.  He knew of your past, how much pain you went through simply for being yourself and wishing to be the best version of yourself.  

Azriel hated your father for constantly making you feel useless and defeated, thanking his lucky stars that he never had the chance to meet the fae.  Azriel would have brought him pain for all he did to you, to use those unwarned notions in your mind to show him the night's true nightmares.  

Yet all Azriel had was you, and he was going to use all he could to bring you happiness.  

“You are far too kind and beautiful for anyone to give up on,” Azriel reminded you as his fingers rubbed your arms and shoulders, “I know you went through far too much for one person in their lifetime, and yet you’re still standing, right?”

“Right,” You mumbled into his shirt that he changed into.

“Don’t let those voices tell you otherwise,” Azriel explained, “Those voices are lies.  They mean nothing, not to the Inner Circle who consider you family,  not to Rhysand and Feyre who took you in when you came to Night Court and treated you like a family, and not to me as your mate and the love of your life.”

The tears were no longer falling, and a sense of warmth was now blooming in your chest from hearing those words that Azriel was saying to you.  He knew just what to do when you felt like you were at your lowest, knowing just how to lift you back on your feet with ease.  

“You’re not gonna get rid of me that easily,” Azriel hummed into your hair as he pressed a soothing kiss along your skin, “Not now, not ever.  I’m not saying that because we’re mates, I’m saying it because I love you,”

You kissed his chest, not needing to say more since you knew deep inside that he was telling the truth.  Azriel always reassured you that he loved you not just because of the mating bond you two had.  As time went on, you both grew as lovers and as a couple, not wishing to rely solely on your bond to make your relationship work.  You were companions and friends, leaning on each other through thick and thin. Of course, this was one small moment of sadness for you.

Small compared to the constant happiness and joy you felt when you had your mate at your side. 

The End.

[all-mirth-no-matter]

Lots and lots of thoughts and theories on Hades 2 so far. My Greek geek is overflowing and I have no where else to hyperfixate so here you go. Apologies in advanced and I’m so excited! (and will def be disappointed by the theories that don’t come true but that’s just the life)

First off, I definitely think Melinoë came after Zagreus reunited their parents and the sequel is set eons after. Time and the development process works different for gods so it could def be plausible. I’ve seen people saying she’s the older sis or that she’s been a secret the whole time, and while those are fun to think about, I don’t think there’s any way that’s gonna be the case here.

People call her Mel the same way they called Zagreus Zag.

Zag was STOKED to be a big bro and Mel loves him (even though she groans when he bear hugs her).

Persephone and Hades being relationship goals and they better keep them being lovey to each other and their kids. I’ll be so disappointed if they try to make it “edgy” by giving her a bad upbringing or having her been abandoned. Give me all the healthy relationship representations!

And of course, an updated portrait! Maybe as like a locket or picture frame in her bedroom at Hecate’s since we won’t be in the actual house.

I just really really want to see Mel loving her family. I hope she’s awkward and kind, but kick-ass and ready to kill for those she loves.

One of Hecate’s main stories is how she witnessed Persephone be stolen and helped Demeter search for her. I like to think that with the revised “kidnapping” story that the game does, this will also be revised to reflect Hecate and Pers being buds. Maybe she thought Pers got stolen and then helped her out when she realized her friend had fallen in love. Maybe she even helped construct Persephone’s home on Earth so she was hidden from everyone?

There is this blurb in the description referencing her affiliation with the Underworld, so hopefully that’s what they’re going to talk about.

Either way, Aunt Hecate.

It does look like in the trailer Mel calls her (or someone, I assume it’s Hecate) “Headmistress”, so I guess she’s maybe at a boarding school for witches? Idk how I feel about that, but again as long as she was raised with her awesome parents and bro, that’s all I care about for her backstory lol.

I mean, it could just be that Hecate is training her, similar to how Zag calls him “Master” Achilles because he was his teacher. But the “head” mistress part heavily implies that there’s going to be more mistress teachers, so that’s why I’m banking on a boarding school.

Also hope they reference Mel’s nightmare affiliations as well instead of just leaning in on the witchcraft stuff. It feels very heavy on the witchy stuff so far and the only thing that’s really referencing that part of her is the arm and leg (I’m guessing). I just hope they make this a big part of her personal journey since she is the “bringer of nightmares and madness”.

Would love to see her constantly fighting with this aspect of herself. Have her be sweet and kind and just wants to do good in the world and everything she touches turning into madness. I wanna see her fight to figure out how to flip this “curse” of hers around.

With that, it’d be neat to see like the Oneiroi and Morpheus, or other dream/nightmare related characters.

A dream realm would be sick!

I feel like it’s going to be similar in story mode to Zag’s where we’re just dropped into Mel’s story after it’s already started. Either the issue with Chronos and Hades happened after she started her school with Hecate, or she’s at the school as a result of.

If they don’t do this^, I’ll be surprised but not disappointed. I just can’t see them putting us through a backstory/training storyline. I feel like one of the cooler parts of Hades is the fact that you just drop in and slowly start to figure out what’s going on.

Aunt Nyx. Or at least some reference to everything she’s done for the fam.

GAIA (she could be like the Chaos equivalent)

Give me Mel descending into the Earth, into Gaia’s realm for some treacherous boons. It would be cool to show her having a real conflict with how she feels about her involvement in both using Chronos to kill his father Uranus, and then “helping” Rhea and Zeus kill Chronos. But now helping Mel because she’s her great-great-granddaughter (or triple great, depending on how they handle that incest bucket) and also knowing her son is cray.

Moons used in the same vain as Nyx’s Darkness, or something that is a call to Hecate’s three moon symbolism. I see that a lot of her design already has some references to moons paired with the sickle so that’s already pretty cool.

Same with like herbs/potions or stuff to collect for spells or levels up. It looks like there’s going to be a “magick” element to restore.

Hecate’s black dogs. Give me all the floofers.

And of course Cerberus being on guard as she gets to the gates of Styx. And I’d be down with him being a cuddle monster just like with Zag. (this will also depend on the storyline of the underworld and house and how Cerbs has been effected by Chronos, but a girl can dream of her giant three headed Clifford making a reappearance)

I do see the giant frog (her familiar, maybe?) and Mel giving it cuddles in the trailer. From the looks of it, that seems like her bedroom, so that’ll be interesting.

And since I consider this a direct-ish sequel, the Olympus family members will all be backing her up (which the game description does imply it as well). Maybe we’ll see some repeats for boons, but I kind of hope we get some new people and just some references to the OGs or special guest appearances.

That being said, give me Grandma Demeter again BUT transformed into a spring or summer version to show her transformation of having her daughter back and newfound family. Give her a new look and badass boons that rep that. Don’t go lazy on me supergiant.

Since we’re getting Apollo from the OG lineup, let’s see Hestia and Hera too with some badass boons. Give me fire and peacock emblems.

Hephaestus as the Daedalus equivalent. He’s too busy to meet in person but he gives you some kick-ass weapon upgrades.

Zagreus running Hades and not being happy about it. (again, depending on the story sitch. I just love the idea of grumpy responsible Zag lol)

Or Persephone, since she is the Queen after all.

And if that’s the case, then Zag could help Mel in some way. Idk if I’d want him to be a boon exactly, because there’s others that I’d want to see before him.

Either way, I definitely don’t think Zag will still be trying to escape out while this is happening. That’s another one that’s funny to think about and make memes of, but I’ll be very disappointed if that’s actually the case. I want to see the whole Hades fam in an uproar and fighting like hell to save Hades and the Underworld.

Or if Persephone isn’t running Hades (or maybe even if she is, whatever, again just depending on the story) it’d be cool to have her be a boon giver to her daughter. Her keepsake was sick and I’d love to see how powerful her boons are!

I hope we still get new and alt weapons with references to all kinds of fighters and witches, and maybe some ancient titans. It’s already exciting to see the sickle used for ref to Chronos.

In that same vain, seeing other myth or famous story references with the weapons the same way we saw before, with like Arthur’s sword, Lucifer’s gun, Gilgamesh guns, Beowulf shield.

Also how they brought in Nemesis using her sword aspect, I hope they bring in a couple of the other Greek characters that were named in the aspects using their weapons. Like Eris, Talos, and Chiron.

It’d be cool if they incorporated Selene in there too since she’s the Moon goddess and Hecate is all about them moons. (I just have a soft spot for Selene)

Selene could also be likened to a Chaos equivalent where Mel ascends to the moon or something. I still love the Gaia idea but this could be neat too.

Or seeing some more non-dark/night gods and seeing some like super cute bubbly bright ones that are like crazy deadly. Like imagine Iris, goddess of the rainbow, giving you crazy destructive boons to kill your enemies!

Also give me some more famous witches and enchantresses who help Mel out, or maybe who she has to fight, like Circe, Medea, Calypso.

It does look like in one of the screen shots there’s some odd looking creatures in the (what I’m guessing is) witch boarding school. So maybe it is related to Circe?

I hope Nemesis is used in a similar way as Meg (or even Thanatos kinda), where like maybe they’re fighting but over time they end up growing on them. Gotta love enemies to lover!

Same with Moros. And please have him bitch (but also idolize) about his more popular big bro Thanatos lol.

Speaking of Moros, in the trailer it looks like theres a super long scroll next to him and he says “there’s an opportunity for you”. So I wonder if he’s going to be like a Charon equivalent where you buy things from him or something like that.

It would also be cool to have some friendly Titans as side characters as she makes her way down, like maybe Prometheus or Atlas.

Some more heroes like Atalanta (give me a female heroine I beg you), Jason, Perseus, Bellerophon.

There does look like there’s a handsome unnamed character in the lineup that wasn’t in the trailer, and he’s exuding loads of hero pompousness lol so that’s my guess. Just not sure which he’ll be, prob Jason or Perseus if I were a betting gal. He looks too posh to be Hercules.

Or some hero-adjacent people like Hippolyta (Amazon Queen), Helena (of Troy), Cassandra (cursed prophet), Medusa, or Pandora who are pissed with what happened to them or want revenge. Idk, might be far fetched for this but you love to see it lol. (also didn’t intend for all those examples to be girls, but it’s funny how that ends up, ain’t it?)

Other mythical creatures that might be more earth related like cyclops, giants, Pegasus, chimera, sirens, griffins, etc.

I’ll be interested to see how they incorporate the time aspect with Chronos. I wonder if it’ll be like a time loop and that’s how they emulate the “dying” aspect from the first game. I hope there’s some time related items.

Please for the love of the gods, make dick jokes about Chronos castrating his father and the variation in myth of how Zeus then did it to Chronos. Like, I get it if it’s too cringe to outright talk about, but if they don’t make SOME reference to either, I’m calling cowards.

An equivalent to the fishing feature, maybe planting seeds or something dream related. Just give something cute and fun again.

Also having some crazy ideas of even another sequel. Especially if this one ends up being on Earth or focusing on the middle plane and getting to the underworld, how awesome would it be for one day having like another sequel where you actually get to fight through Olympus. Like maybe a backstory for Hades would be cool, of how they rose to power and he made it all the way to Mount Olympus just to draw the short stick and get sent back down.

Ok I’m done for today. Carry on with your lives and I’m sorry again for this long post showing up on your feed.

[asteria7fics]

I see like no Wendy content😔🙏 can we pretty please have headcanons abt her😻

🏳️‍🌈 A sexuality headcanon

🏳️‍⚧️ A gender headcanon

🧸 A headcanon about their childhood

👻 A headcanon about what scares them

🎶 A headcanon about music

👽 A headcanon about a weird quirk of there

💝 A headcanon about their love language

🫂 A friendship headcanon

💔 An angsty headcanon

🪢 A headcanon about their family

📓 A headcanon about their hobbies

👗 A headcanon about their clothes

🔪 A headcanon relating to fighting/violence

🌟 A headcanon about their desires/wishes

🍫 A headcanon about food

🎭 A headcanon about what they lie about

❤️‍🔥 A romantic headcanon

💄 An appearance headcanon

🖕 A headcanon relating to anger

😬 A headcanon about the worst thing they’ve done

😶 A random headcanon

(I’m srry for giving u so many‼️) -😨

Wendy is SO under represented in the fandom!! Outside of her relationship with Stan at least, but I personally think she’s too interesting to be reduced to his future housewife (or just an obstacle for Kyle)!

Barely spoilers for EWILY under the cut, just including this in case anyone wants to go into the fic totally blind.

🏳️‍🌈 - Wendy is a severely closeted bisexual, with a strong preference for women. You’ll probably find that I head canon most of the kids as being either bi or pan, but with specific leanings to either end of the spectrum. Just some of my personal view on sexuality that I won’t get into here ahaha

🏳️‍⚧️ - Cis woman, though I do think she would lean into some degree of flexibility in her gender expression as she gets older.

🧸 - Wendy had a very happy and healthy childhood, all things considered. I do think she went through a phase of wanting a sibling when she was maybe 6 or 7, but filled that void pretty quickly via her friendship with Bebe.

👻 - Failure, and not being good enough. She’s constantly being made aware of what an uphill battle it will be to become a successful woman in our extremely patriarchal society, and she’s under a lot of pressure to prove herself. Truthfully, having to deal with Cartman has probably been great practice for her! But I think this fear also speaks to why she struggles to let Stan go; by not still trying to help him, she feels like she’s failing him.

🎶 - Though growing up Wendy listened to whatever was popular, as she’s gotten older her music taste has gotten a little pretentious. Lots of indie artists on her playlist, and I think she probably enjoys jazz and classical inspired sounds the most.

👽 - I’m not sure if it qualifies as a quirk, but Wendy does very few things casually. She’s the kind of person that will annotate a book she’s just meant to be reading for fun, with detailed analyses of the book’s themes and recurring metaphors.

💝 - Wendy is a mixture of quality time and acts of service. You may be able to gather why she and Stan break up so damn often.

🫂 - I think Wendy maintains friendships very well, and can jump social circles without much issue. However, her best friend in the whole world has been, and always will be Bebe. They’re pretty different people on the surface, but they have a bond that runs so deep it would be extremely painful to separate them.

💔 - She hides it fairly well behind a pretty smile and good grades, but Wendy is a MESS!! Like, if you guys think the Style angst in EWILY is rough, you just wait till I get around to writing Wendy’s side of the story. I-… don’t wanna say any more than that, heh.

🪢 - Wendy’s pretty close with her mom, but I think she’s not as close with her dad. Partially because he isn’t crazy about Stan (for understandable reasons) and partially because he strikes me as kind of a dick, in only the way that dads can be sometimes. They still love each other though, and their relationship will improve as she gets older.

📓 - I don’t get to explore this much in EWILY, but Wendy stays very busy! As I said previously she does read for fun, and she’s also a bit of a cinephile (something she and Stan bonded over, to an extent), but I also think she would participate in tons of other after school activities to keep herself occupied. Student government obviously, on top of cheerleading, field hockey, glee club, the list could go on. And of course, when she’s not doing all of that she’s hanging out with Bebe and the girls! Or Stan, I guess.

👗 - Dark academia queen, with a hint of twee I fear. Lots of pleated skirts and v-neck sweaters, Peter Pan collared dresses with tights, sensible sneakers or penny loafers. Hints of pinks and yellows, but her favorite color to wear is purple.

🔪 - Look, she can’t afford to get anything put on her permenant record so Wendy left her fighting days in elementary school. However she WOULD fuck a bitch up if tested, but nobody really messed with her after that whole fight with Cartman… and the, uh, entire war where she beat the shit outta several boys with her silly plastic sword.

🌟 - Wendy is very focused on proving herself, and I don’t think she truly stops to consider what it is she actually wants until she’s out of high school and able to thrive in a new and more comfortable environment. Her largest goal in life though is to make meaningful change that benefits humanity. Awww what a good kid.

🍫 - While not picky per se, Wendy does her best to be healthy. She’s a really athletic and busy person, so she gets up early to make herself a balanced breakfast and will sometimes bring her own lunch to school if what’s on the menu is particularly unhealthy. She does, however, never pass up Taco Tuesday.

🎭 - Being happy with Stan :-) And being straight :-)))))

❤️‍🔥 - As much as she tries to be highly logical, she’s a total hopeless romantic. Loves love, and loves to be in love. Sometimes it becomes a bit of a distraction for her, but she gets better at balancing these parts of her life with age.

💄 - I haven’t gotten a chance to post any of the sketches I’ve done of Wendy yet, but I picture her as being fair skinned with soft, delicate features. She’s pretty slender, and on the shorter side compared to the other girls. She also probably wears minimal makeup, maybe just some concealer to hide when she’s had a sleepless night. Oh, and she’s kept her hair pretty short ever since The Great Chop during The War of Trojans.

🖕 - Oooh Wendy is second only to Kyle in the anger department, let’s be so honest. And maybe Cartman? Though 9/10 times he’s the reason anyone’s pissed off in the first place, so we’re not counting him here. Wendy’s a passionate rager, meaning she gets pissed off about things that matter deeply to her, or when she sees blatant injustice in the world.

😬 - Aaahahaha, breaking Stan’s leg wasn’t great!! But, well, I think perhaps her most selfish move is yet to come. Stay tuned!

😶 - Sometimes when she’s sleeping alone she still cuddles with an old stuffed animal, especially when she’s feeling especially lonely (i.e. on the tail end of another messy breakup). She would never do this in front of anyone though, not even Bebe. She’s a little embarassed to show anything close to a sign of weakness, or a reminder that there’s still a little girl in her.

Whew!! Alright, I’m pretty sure I got them all, but let me know if I missed any! I really had to think about some of these, so thank you for giving me the chance to explore Wendy more than I’ve been able to!

Also, if you enjoy the way I write Wendy then hopefully you’ll enjoy a little something I’m cooking, just for her! (It’s in the crock pot though kids, slow cooking for as long as possible!)

Thank you for sending me more of these!!

[grossrottie]

I wanna hear more of your thoughts on LionAsh

WKBDAKNDE. I was replying to this and the app deleted it omg—

Here we go a second time! :3

OKAY SO.

I think my favourite version of LionAsh rn is “Lion makes it very clear he’s going to date Ash when he’s older, and Ash just brushes it off and forgets about it, only to find that Lion is VERY SERIOUS”

So in that vein!

Lionblaze does everything he can to get Ashfur’s attention. Whenever he goes out hunting, he doesn’t come back until he has a pile of prey, and he immediately drags the largest piece over to Ashfur to share together.

As soon as Lionblaze gets his warrior name, it’s like a flip is switched. He changes his behaviour to better fit what he hopes the relationship with Ash will be. Lionblaze is more confident, more stubborn, and actively attempts to court Ashfur.

The first time it happens, Ashfur comes back from a late night patrol and enters the warriors den to see his nest covered with flowers, herbs, and soft feathers. He’s confused, but brushes it off and goes to sleep.

The second time it happens, Ashfur is in the clearing when Lionblaze brings him a beautiful, plump rabbit and a small collection of herbs that stimulate mating urges and signify an intent to mate. Ashfur glances at the herbs and back at Lionblaze, then begins to eat the rabbit.

“What’s with the herbs?” He asks. “Are you travelling?” He isn’t stupid, and he knows mating rituals. He recognizes the array of herbs. But he genuinely thinks that Lionblaze is going to give it to another cat. Perhaps Cinderheart, she might be a possible mate for Lionblaze.

“Just to keep my queen healthy and happy.” Lionblaze says, his eyes slightly wide as he waits for his former mentor to pick up the (very clear) hint he thought he was putting down.

Ashfur feels a brief twinge, and instantly brushes it off, focusing on eating his meal. “Mm. Well, good luck.”

Lionblaze stands there for a few more moments, waiting eagerly, only to realize that Ashfur either 1) didn’t realize what Lion was trying to do or 2) completely dismissed him as a mate. Either way, Lionblaze ducks his head in a respectful nod and backs away to try again another day.

Some time later, Lionblaze goes out to the lakeside with Jayfeather and Hollyleaf to discuss his plans and collect herbs for Jayfeather. Both of Lionblaze’s siblings are well aware of his intentions (as are a few of the clan cats as well) and they do their best to suggest ways to catch Ashfur’s gaze.

“What if you bring him a big juicy piece of prey?” Hollyleaf suggests.

“I tried that, and mating herbs. It didn’t work.”

“What about gifts? I’ve heard Mousefur talk about how Cloudtail was constantly showering Brightheart in gifts when he was attempting to court her.”

“Gifts?” Lionblaze purses his lips. “Like what? I did the nest thing, but I don’t even think he noticed it.”

“Do something personal!” Hollyleaf declares. “Putting flowers in a cat’s nest is typical, what about something that shows you know Ashfur well?”

“If you want, I can see what Ashfur thinks of you.” Jayfeather offers hesitantly.

Lionblaze shakes his head. “No. I don’t want to cheat and have you look into his mind or anything. Ashfur is important, and I don’t want it to be fake.”

Jayfeather makes a noise of subtle approval.

They continue their herb collecting, Jayfeather and Hollyleaf having a relaxed conversation while they let their older brother think his options over.

The third time he attempts to court Ashfur, it’s out on a hunting patrol that Lionblaze asks Ashfur to accompany him on.

Lionblaze stays close to his former mentor, sometimes subtly, with just a gentle touch of his tail, and sometimes more obviously, leaning against Ashfur’s side as they walk together.

“Have you ever had a mate before?” Lionblaze asks suddenly.

Ashfur hesitates. He had gotten close to becoming mates with Squirrelflight, before she changed her mind and went back to Brambleclaw. “Not quite.” He answers.

“Hm. What would your dream mate be like?”

“Uhm,” Ashfur glances around the forest floor, scanning for signs of scurrying prey. “I suppose someone strong, with a sense of humour.” He says, not really focusing on his answer. He knows that he can’t be picky when it comes to mates, considering that no cat had shown interest in him since Squirrelflight’s brief phase. “Anyways, having a mate only brings heartache.”

“Like Brightheart?” Lionblaze pipes up, ignoring Ashfur’s last sentence. He detected that sharp heat below the words, a sign that although Ashfur said it, it wasn’t his honest belief.

“No.” Ashfur replies simply. “She’s nice, but she’s soft.”

“Soft?” Lionblaze repeats, confused. His own golden pelt was soft, did Ashfur like rough fur?

“Yes, I prefer cats who have some stubbornness to them, with a spontaneous streak and energy that I can match.” Brightheart was kind and gentle, and although Ashfur respected her, he wouldn’t want her as his mate, and she wouldn’t want him. He was harsh at times, had a bit of temper and a knack at holding grudges, and that wouldn’t complement Brightheart’s personality. Cloudtail fit her much better, he had a loving and warm side to him that much overshadowed his dark side. Those two were meant to be together.

“Oh, like Dustpelt?” Lionblaze suggests, trying to narrow down what kind of cat Ashfur would be interested in being mates with. (Or, honestly, trying to get even a smidge of information either way.)

Ashfur makes a noise of amused disagreement and speeds up a bit, on the hunt for prey-scent. “My old mentor? No, he’s fine, but I’m not usually into older cats.”

Lionblaze feels a thrill shoot through him. He has a chance! “Do you want a mate?” He asks, careful to keep his tone level and polite.

Ashfur shrugs. “Are we going to hunt, or are we going to spend the whole time talking?” His voice has no annoyance to it, just a dull pain that’s barely hidden.

Lionblaze nods.

The next day, Lionblaze is on a mission. He is going to catch Ashfur’s eye no matter what it takes, even if he had to stand at the very precipice of the camp wall and yowl his intentions for all to hear.

He gathers herbs, checking with Jayfeather to make sure they mean what he intends. He hunts down flowers, collecting the most beautiful blooms. He finds an ash tree and claws strips of bark off the trunk. He hunts for Ashfur’s favourite type of prey. He goes to the lakeside and drags his paws through the sand to try and find hidden treats. He eventually finds a beautiful stone, sanded to a smooth surface with gorgeous colours swirling through it. Gold and silver hues intertwine and mingle within the stone, shining in the sunlight and reflecting Lionblaze’s hopes.

Lionblaze takes all of his treasures into the forest, until he finds a perfect spot to leave them. Lush green grass stretches across the clearing, making the blooming flowers all around seem even more beautiful. He sits down among the flowers and begins to braid the thin strips of bark together, adding herbs and blossoms as he went. He had to ask Jayfeather for help to learn how to braid, as the blind medicine cat was much better with his paws than Lionblaze was, and now Lionblaze is filled with gratefulness for his siblings. Without them, he would have stumbled even more clumsily through his attempts to attract Ashfur.

Finally, just as the sun begins to dip below the foliage of the trees, Lionblaze checks his work over and waits.

Not long after, his ears prick as he catches the sound of paw steps through the grass. He turns just in time to see Ashfur step into the clearing, his expression confused.

“Jayfeather said you needed my help, is everything—“ Ashfur glances up and freezes, going silent even as his mouth hangs open with a half-finished question.

Lionblaze doesn’t give him a chance to fully process the scene in front of him. The golden tom grabs a light blue flower and darts forward, placing it by Ashfur’s ear.

“I have a question!” He declares, his excitement and nervousness mingling to something that he struggles to contain. “I, uh—“ He stumbles on his words, not sure how to begin. “Remember when you promised me you’d be my mate?”

“What?” Ashfur blurts out, shocked to be reminded of the conversation they had moons ago.

“I said I would be your mate when I got older.” Lionblaze gently reminds him.

“Well, yes, but— A few days ago you had herbs, weren’t you bringing them to Cinderheart?” Ashfur has to grasp at straws to keep from gaping in pure shock.

“What? No! She’s nice, but she’s not you.” Lionblaze steps back and picks up the braided circle of ash wood, then brings it to Ashfur and carefully drapes it over the gray tom’s neck. The flowers and herbs mix beautifully with Ashfur’s pelt, and Lionblaze almost melts with how handsome Ashfur looks.

“But—“ Ashfur tries, at a loss. Of all the cats in the clan for Lionblaze to try to pursue, it was him? That was absurd. Lionblaze was a good warrior, he was strong and respectful and his entire being was filled with joy and determination. He could pursue any cat he wanted to, and he would most likely succeed.

But Ashfur? The spiteful, regretful, overlooked tom who hadn’t even considered having a mate since his previous heartbreak?

“Why?” He asks, his voice weak with confusion. “Lionblaze, I understand that you might think this is how this should go, but—“

“Why not?” Lionblaze interrupts, panic rearing up within him at the thought of being turned down so quickly. “I told you I would be your mate when I was older, and I am. Bigger, too.” He took a few steps forward, coming muzzle to muzzle with his former mentor.

Ashfur was surprised to realize that he had to look up to meet Lionblaze’s determined gaze. “Yes, but—a mate should be someone you love, Lionblaze, not just whoever taught you your hunting moves. Besides, what would your parents think? And the clan?” He shakes his head, looking bewildered. “Lionblaze, this is—“

“But I do love you!!” Lionblaze exploded, his fur puffing out. “I think you’re gorgeous, the most beautiful tom I’ve ever seen. You’re strong and brave, and I’ve liked you ever since I was a kit.” He spun around and quickly grabbed his final offering, then turned back to Ashfur and dropped it at his paws.

Ashfur looked down at the small thing in front of him. The braided ash and flower wreath around his neck made it difficult to lean too close down, but in the setting sun he could see why Lionblaze was so excited to show it.

It was a round stone, the surface smooth and glossy, reflecting the rays of sunshine and making the swirling colours within even more magical. Glimmering silver stripes tangled together with gold, as if Ashfur’s and Lionblaze’s pelts were represented within the shining surface.

“Ashfur,” Lionblaze said, his tone hard and determined. Ashfur tore his eyes from the stone and looked back up at Lionblaze. “Please, take these offerings and consider me as your potential mate.“ He bowed his head, trying to remember what Mousefur had said was an older courting request. “If Starclan agrees, I would be honoured to be one with you, to hunt together here and in Starclan, now and forever.”

Ashfur stared, his mouth agape. After a moment he realized and snapped his jaws shut, but his expression was no less shocked. “Lionblaze—“ He began, unsure.

“Ooooh, say yes!”

Ashfur’s ear twitched as he caught a very quiet voice, not from Lionblaze. He cast a sidelong glance at a nearby bush, then shook his head and pretended that he hadn’t noticed. He had other things to focus on. “I can’t say yes. Not now, at least.” He quickly amended, seeing the slump in Lionblaze’s shoulders. “It’s just—I didn’t expect this.”

Lionblaze held his breath and raised his head a smidge, just enough to see Ashfur’s expression as he spoke. The older tom was clearly conflicted, and Lionblaze felt a pang of guilt at that. He hadn’t meant to make Ashfur uncomfortable, he had only wanted to make his intentions clear.

“How about this.” Ashfur conceded, glancing away from Lionblaze and chewing his lip as he thought. “Give me a moon. Okay? I’ll think about it, and then we can talk about this again.” Not only for his own sake, but for the possibility that Lionblaze would realize his mistake and aim his attention towards someone more deserving of a loving mate.

Lionblaze lit up. It wasn’t perfect, and there was no promise coming from Ashfur’s lips. But still, the older tom agreed to consider it, which is more than Lionblaze had expected mere moments ago when Ashfur had begun to say no.

“Understood.” He said, unable to keep from smiling. “One moon.”

One moon until he would have his answer. One moon until he would find out Ashfur’s true feelings. One moon for Lionblaze to tell Hollyleaf to not follow along next time and hide in a bush.

One moon.

[casuallyimagining]

Home (23)

Hybrid Min Yoongi x Female Reader; Platonic OT7 x Female Reader; Namseok; Jinkook

Summary: After helping Yoongi get away from his abusive former owner, you’re left to focus on your relationship and how it progresses. That is, until you find six other hybrids who need your help, and their former owner decides he’s going to make your life hell. Genre: hurt/comfort, angst, fluff Word Count: 1,908 Warnings (updated per chapater): stalking, wild animal attack, major character injury, blood, implied homophobia, slight internalized homophobia, starvation, hospitalization, discussion of sexual assault, discussion of physical assault, discussion of controlling behavior, heavy petting, marking, slightly toxic relationship, spiraling thoughts, fictional discrimination, discussion of sex workx

Major thanks to @eatjeanjin for beta-ing this and for listening to me complain almost constantly. You’ve been nothing but helpful and sweet, and I’m so grateful for your opinions and assistance.

banners by @mintkims

Sequel to Fix You. Read it first.

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“I’m here to see Jungkook.” Seokjin’s tone was firm, and you could see the annoyance in his eyes. It had only been a few days since Jungkook had broken up with the quokka hybrid and moved back into your apartment. Seokjin had been trying to text, but the pup didn’t want to communicate with him--in your opinion, an understandable stance--but apparently, that was unacceptable.

You leaned against the doorframe, the knob still firmly in your hand. “He’s not here right now.”

He rolled his eyes. “I can literally see him sitting right there in the kitchen.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Seokjin sighed, taking a step forward so he was standing directly in front of you. “Jungkook come out and talk to me!” he called into the house.

Behind you, you heard the pup yelp softly, and you gritted your teeth. “Okay here’s what we’re not going to do.” You pressed your hand against Seokjin’s chest, pushing him so that he had to take a step backwards and down. “What we’re not going to do is yell into my house and scare my friends. Got it?”

“Don’t be like this.” He sounded exasperated. “I was just trying to take care of him.”

You snorted derisively. “Oh, so you were just trying to take care of him when you let him miss his follow up with Dr. Jung?”

“He’s healthy. He’s fine. I told him he didn’t have to go.”

You nodded, feigning understanding. He did not want to get into this with you. Not right now. “Oh! Then you were taking care of him by telling him he didn’t have to go to the appointment because you didn’t want the temporary ownership dissolved?”

“Well I-”

“Because he missed that appointment, and they can’t dissolve the contract without making sure he’s in good health,” you said, cutting him off sharply.

“I didn’t know.”

“No you didn’t. You wanna know something else you didn’t know?” You chuckled darkly, pushing him one more step downward and further from your house.

You were almost positive that all six of the hybrids inside were listening, and maybe you should have cared about that, but you couldn’t quite muster the will. Seokjin had been a pain in your ass for months, and his attitude and apathy could end up costing you dearly. You were sick of it.

“Because I’m his owner, I’m responsible for getting him to his appointments. And the state doesn’t care if he’s shacked up with his boyfriend for two months. That shit reflects back on me.”

“I-” You glared at the quokka hybrid and he shut his mouth.

“So now Jimin's having a hard time with his emancipation case. Because they’re nervous about letting him live with someone with a negative mark. And now I have to get a background check. And a home inspection. And do you want to know something, Seokjin? They probably aren’t going to like that I have six hybrids living in an apartment with two bedrooms. I was working on finding a bigger place, but now I’m on a timer, and I don’t know if I’m going to find something in time.”

“I didn’t think-”

“No, Seokjin. You didn’t think.” You sighed, suddenly exhausted. But you continued. Now that the dam had broken, you wouldn’t be able to patch it. “If I can’t find something soon, the state is going to take them away. Jungkook and Jimin will have to go to a hybrid shelter. Because you didn’t fucking think.” You heard a gasp from behind you, and a soft ‘noona,’ and you felt your anger returning. “I trusted you. I knew you didn’t like me but, fuck, I trusted you to at least care for Jungkook properly. But you let him down. You let them all down and for what? Just so you can say humans can’t be trusted? So you can stay on your little crusade?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Oh, fuck off.” You pointed down the street. “Get out of here. Don’t come back unless you have a solution to this mess.”

The quokka hybrid opened his mouth, making a stuttering noise before backing the rest of the way off your stoop and hurrying away. Your whole body felt heavy, and you felt yourself collapsing onto the concrete stairs. A pair of arms caught you and eased you down before wrapping tightly around you. Soft ears brushed against your cheek as Yoongi bumped his head against yours gently.

“Don’t cry,” he whispered, kissing your shoulder. “He’s not worth it.”

You touched your face. Sure enough, it was damp. “He’s your friend,” you protested.

“You’re more important.” He squeezed you tightly. “And he’s being a dick.”

Soft, nervous footsteps approached you. “Noona, what did you mean by-” Someone shushed Jungkook, and he whined out a protest.

For a long moment, it was silent. Then, Namjoon spoke. “We should talk about this.” His voice was soft, small. You hadn’t heard him that soft since he’d gotten more comfortable living with you. “Hyung.” Yoongi’s head lifted from your shoulder. “No rush, but I’d like to call a house meeting.” You felt Yoongi nod. “Take your time, though.”

And with that, the house grew quiet. Yoongi moved closer, pressing another kiss to your shoulder before nuzzling into you. He leaned against your back and you could feel him start to purr, the soft, stuttering rumbles reverberating through your body.

You weren’t entirely sure how long you stayed there, sitting on the stoop with Yoongi wrapped around you like a koala. Maybe it had been an hour. Maybe it had just been five minutes. The tears stopped at some point. You weren’t even really sure why you had cried--frustration, perhaps, or maybe just an explosion of emotions in general. Yoongi didn’t stop purring, the stutters and rumbles an obvious effort to soothe you without saying anything. His tail wrapped around your arm, the tip flicking back and forth against your skin.

“I should have told you,” you whispered, staring at the building across the street.

“We’ll think of something,” Yoongi mumbled into your hair.

“I told you I wouldn’t keep things from you.”

He hummed, reaching up and smoothing down your hair, his long fingers threading through the strands. “I don’t care about that right now. We’ll figure things out.”

You leaned back into his chest slightly, feeling him readjust to support you. “I don’t deserve you,” you said quietly, your hand finding his.

He squeezed your fingers, but said nothing for a long moment. Then, he scoffed, the puff of air tickling your skin a little. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

The two of you sat there for a little longer. You knew you should probably go inside and face the other five, but you weren’t sure you were ready for that. You didn’t want to see how upset the others were. And plus, Yoongi was warm, and his purring really was soothing.

“We should go in,” Yoongi whispered after a while, tugging on your arms. You let him, barely fighting him as he pulled you to stand, his hands falling to yours and leading you into the house.

The other five hybrids were piled in the living room, talking quietly amongst themselves. But as soon as the front door shut, they fell silent. Their eyes followed you as you and Yoongi entered the room and sat down on the floor in front of them. Namjoon’s ears were flat against his head, but he didn’t seem mad. Beside him, Hobi’s eyes were wide with worry. Jungkook sat on the floor, arms wrapped around his knees. He looked sad. None of them spoke.

“I just got the call about it yesterday,” you said softly, reaching for Yoongi’s hand.

Namjoon nodded, his tail swishing once in thought. “What are we working with? What will happen?”

“They’re doing a background check.” You couldn’t look at the hybrids anymore, so you focused on playing with Yoongi’s fingers. “I’m not worried about that. There’s nothing for them to find. But the home inspection… that’s a little concerning.”

“There’s not enough room,” Jimin stated quietly.

You nodded. “I’ve been stressing about this for a while, and we’ve been looking. But it’s hard.”

“What can we do to help?” Namjoon asked, leaning forward. His ears were pointed toward you, his focus entirely on you and Yoongi.

“I don’t know,” you admitted. “Jungkook needs to go back to Dr. Jung. If I can get the ownership contract dissolved before we fail the home inspection, he won’t get taken by the state.” You sighed, squeezing Yoongi’s hand. “He’ll be homeless--you’ll all be homeless--but at least you’ll be together.”

“Except for me.” Jimin’s voice was soft, but you could tell he was upset.

You sighed. “As far as I know, there’s nothing that says a hybrid can’t sign off on the safety of another hybrid. I think you’ll be okay if one of the others can do that.”

“We aren’t leaving,” Taehyung insisted.

Yoongi leaned closer. “They would have to carry me out,” he said, voice barely a whisper, before pressing a soft kiss to your shoulder.

“You may not have a choice,” you told them. You frowned, your eyes falling to Yoongi’s hand in your lap once again. “Whatever the state says, we have to do it.”

“What if we can find somewhere new before the inspection?” Hobi sat forward, his golden eyes focused on you. He was gripping Namjoon’s hand, the wolf hybrid’s thumb soothing over Hobi’s knuckles gently.

“I… I don’t know. Maybe.” You shrugged. “It would be a quick turnaround.”

“We can’t split up the pack,” Namjoon said firmly. “I don’t care what it takes.”

You nodded, agreeing. “It’s important to me that you all stay together.”

“We aren’t leaving you,” Taehyung repeated.

“You’re part of the pack too, noona,” Jungkook said softly, continuing to hug his knees. The pup’s dark eyes met yours, and he nodded, his chin resting on his arms.

You waved him off. Jungkook was sweet, but he was attached to you more than the others. Of course he would say that.

“He’s right.” Namjoon frowned at you. “You’re part of our pack too, now. You’re my second-in-command, remember?”

“That was just a metaphor.”

“Maybe it was. But… think of a wolf pack.” Jimin groaned and Taehyung rolled his eyes, but Namjoon shushed them before continuing. “Wolves hunt and travel together, but the leaders care for the sick, they teach the young, they don’t let the other members of the pack struggle alone.”

“But I’m not a hybrid,” you said dumbly. It was the only thing that came to mind. Had you misunderstood what Yoongi had been trying to say about packs?

“So?” Hobi looked at you, confusion on his face. “You don’t have to be one of us to be a part of the pack.”

“Humans have found family. Hybrids have packs,” Namjoon explained.

“But…” You turned your head, looking at Yoongi. He was staring back at you, copper eyes muddled. “What about…?”

“I didn’t mean it the way you took it,” he said softly, his eyes falling away from you. “But when you got confused, I got nervous. I didn’t know how to walk it back. Of course we're a pack.” He squeezed your fingers.

“You wouldn’t let us go through this alone,” Namjoon said, a bright smile on his face, dimples on display. “Let us help you with this. We’ll come up with something together.”

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As always, your feedback is appreciated. Please feel free to pop into my ask box with questions or comments about the series!

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[erwinsvow]

𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 | 𝐚𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬

a/n: hey everyone! hope you enjoy these college headcanons! part two can be found here! warning for nsfw in jean's, and mentions of alcohol/partying throughout!

jean kirstein

jean shows up to college thinking it’s gonna be high school part two, and quickly gets put in his place

his old antics (for both school and girls) won’t fly anymore, so he tries his hardest at both

i personally see jean as not the smartest, most gifted kid (in college!) but definitely one of the hardest workers

this man comes in pre-law and changes to sports management real quick

he definitely plays some kind of club sport, lacrosse or basketball or maybe even both and he is way too into it

like club lacrosse is his life.

he 100% has eyes for cheerleaders, because he loves idea of someone rooting for him, and if you are one, then it’s instantaneous

he notices you at one of his games, giving a shove to conny and asking if he knew who you were

which is met with “what do i look like, a phone book?”

he builds up the courage to ask you out eventually, to which of course you agree, and it’s pretty much a happy ending after that

makes for a lot of sweaty, post-match sex, with him still in his jersey and you in your uniform hiked up

reiner braun

frat bro reiner is a business major with a focus on finance

reiner is the guy who dedicates 100% of his time to school during the weekdays, and the weekends are for the bros

he’s the first in the library, last to leave lecture because he stayed behind to get clarifications, and pretty much aces everything

halloweekend, he decides to drag annie and bertholdt to a party, because they are in desperate need of letting loose

probably dressed up as something mildly douche-y that didn’t require a lot of thought: a foot ball player jersey with eye black improvised by annie

he is a heavy-weight if you’ve ever seen one, probably on his fifth cup of cheap beer and not even slightly buzzed

annie and bertholdt are sloshed, so he keeps one eye on them to make sure they’re alright

you, on the other hand, are serving as designated-driver for the night and sipping on soda

i think any kind of sweet, innocent costume (angel, fairy, woodland creature) would get his attention immediately

he goes over to you to try to make conversation, and finds himself stumbling over his words even though he just swore he wasn’t tipsy yet

but you find it cute, and given how you have seen him before around campus, studying all the damn time, you’re pleasantly surprised to find a sweet, interesting guy making conversation with you at a halloween party

eventually, your friends take off with their hook-ups, and reiner is left behind alone too after making sure everyone had a safe ride home

with no one left besides you two and his passed out friends, you offer him and his roommates a ride back to his dorm

after dropping annie off, you arrive at the dorm and help lug a blacked-out bertholdt to their room

you say goodnight and as you leave, feeling bold, you leave your number on the whiteboard hanging on their door

so that then turns into coffee-and-studying dates, and eventually a relationship before too long

armin arlert

i think we all know what armin is like in college: marine biology major and history minor

this is an effortless genius, so unlike reiner, he doesn’t have to spend all his time studying

i think armin would be the kind of guy who has school and life figured out, and he slowly realizes a healthy relationship is the one thing missing from his life

there’s honestly plenty of people who want to date him, if he had ever cared to return any of their gazes

i honestly see him being oblivious, so when a fellow classmate asks if he wants to study together, he goes “oh, sorry, i wasn’t really planning on studying, but maybe eren wants a study-buddy, i’ll let him know for you!” instead of realizing that was someone flirting

so it’s the same for you

you’re taking the marine sci class as a last resort, everything else was completely filled up, and you just had to get out of that physics class

but all this talk about oceans and sea-creatures is even worse, somehow. to put it short, you’re struggling, and armin is the kid who raises his hand at every question without so much as jotting down a note during lecture

you know mikasa through a friend-of-a-friend type situation, and ask her if armin would be willing to tutor you sometime

doesn’t matter that part of the reason you’re doing so poorly is because you’re staring at the back of his head most of class

armin and you get together to study on a saturday evening, and what began as a recap on the history of the ocean quickly turns into laughing, talking, and then “you wanna go grab something to eat?”

for someone so smart, he’s really dense

he thinks you’re being friendly and doesn’t want to assume you’re thinking this is a ‘date’ even though you’re internally screaming

it takes you leaning in for a kiss after he’s walked you back to your dorm for it to click

needless to say, he wasn’t quite so oblivious after that

eren yeager

eren was determined to get into the same college as armin and mikasa

my man is undecided, and then sociology after he’s forced to pick

not exactly a fuckboy, not exactly a stoner, just somewhere in between

procrastinates doing work and submits every thing a day late, even though he probably would have gotten full marks if it was on time

him and mikasa decide to take a marine bio class with armin, and he ends up falling asleep during lecture

i don’t see him going for a goody-two shoes type that wants to reform him, because he just wouldn’t want to deal with that

it’s not a toxic relationship, but pretty close to one

on again, off again ever since the two of you met in a dingy frat basement, absolutely hammered, and hooked up

this boy does not want to admit that he’s caught feelings, but eventually it comes to that because he is very much the jealous type

catches you engaging in polite conversation with reiner and he is seeing white in seconds

he realizes he has to make you his

marco bott

the most wholesome nursing major with a minor in english because he is a sucker for lit

i don’t think there is any shortage of girls who want to be with marco, just given how sweet and genuine he is

that being said, i feel like the few time he’s wanted to pursue a relationship with someone, they haven’t reciprocated/just saw him as a friend

which isn’t the easiest thing to deal with, but because he’s a mature angel, he doesn’t hold that against anyone

instead, he kind of succumbs to this false idea that people want to be his friend, and not his girlfriend, which he’s a little insecure about

that’s why i think you and marco would have idiot best friends to lovers, featuring everyone around you knowing how head over heels you both are except the two of you

you two meet in a particularly challenging class, and not recognizing anyone, you both turn to the friendliest face in the room to make study-buddies with

over a whole semester of late-night cramming (and talking), scribbling smiley faces on flashcards, and good luck texts before the exam, you realize how much you’re gonna miss constantly hanging out with marco

and on his end, he’s complaining to jean about how after the final, you two won’t have any reason to keep talking

“so ask her out then, you idiot”

“she probably doesn’t think of me like that…”

“are you blind?” jean says, with a roll of his eyes

after the class has ended and you’re both headed back home for winter break, you work up the nerve to text marco one last time

“let me know if you ever need help studying for another class :)”

you have no idea that he’s over the moon, and that finally brings an end to your friendship, and starts your relationship

bertholdt hoover

mister bertholdt is structural design and architecture major

there’s basically six of those total in your entire college, so he definitely gets a bit isolated/lonely sometimes

he basically came to college with reiner & annie, and figured he didn’t really need more friends than that

so when they’re busy, he’s just by himself

annie definitely makes fun of him for not spreading his wings and flying out of the metaphorical nest, but he’s comfortable with how it is

not a huge fan of the party scene, and prefers a quiet night of studying

i feel like you and him would be the last two studying in the library most nights, and sometimes walk out together after the librarian reminds you both the building is closing

so, when reiner and annie drag him to a party one weekend, he’s shocked to see you there too with outgoing friends of your own

he’s used to seeing you in the bright fluorescent lighting of the library, so this dim, hazy room after the shots have already gone to his head is hard to take in

you two eventually end up talking after your friends push you towards him

“funny seeing you here.” “i could say the same to you.”

he already has a crush (you do too, but he doesn’t want to accept that) so the alcohol inhibits his usual caution

a little bit of dancing, a lot of sitting on the pavement outside while looking at the moon, stars, and each other, topped off with a first-kiss starts your relationship

levi ackerman

teaching assistant levi is a staple of your college

almost infamous, really

you count your lucky blessings that he’s still a year or so away from graduating with his ph.d. in molecular biology and that he’s ta’ing this microbiology class

you’ve definitely heard all sorts of rumors, but you really don’t know what’s truth and fiction

he definitely hasn’t slept with a third of his students (right?) but the lingering way he looks at you isn’t helping quell your thoughts

technically speaking, teaching assistants and students are not allowed to date, interact, etc

until the semester in which you are their student is completed, at least

it doesn’t take long after that for you two to constantly run into each other

“how’re your new classes going? any hot ta’s?” he asks, sipping his tea from the bookstore cafe. you choke on your hot chocolate.

all this being said, you’re an upperclassmen about to graduate, possibly start a ph.d. or masters program yourself. i see him teaching upper-level courses exclusively.

it’s not long after that you admit your feelings to each other, since after all, there’s no time to waste

erwin smith

you’re a second year masters program in the history department. your specialization is military history, so of course professor smith is assigned as your thesis advisor.

i mean, he’s only written several textbooks on the subject

on first sight, you can’t believe he’s a professor. because certainly, this is a some cruel twist of fate. he’s closer to your age than some of his colleagues.

you both try to keep it strictly professional

at first least. this gets gradually harder and harder

there’s a certain chemistry there neither of you can deny.

having a mutual interest in the same subjects doesn’t help too much either. suddenly, you guys are spending hours pouring over topics for his next textbook and your thesis.

the conversation continues over chinese food in his office, long after the rest of the building has cleared out for their friday evenings

“well, i won’t keep you any longer. i’m sure you have much better plans on a friday night than talking military policy with me.”

“there is no where else i’d rather be.”

hope you all liked it! :)

[luxurybrownbarbie]

Hey! I saw your post about putting fear into you parents and how they treat you better now. My mom is a single parent and extremely abusive. Also constantly taking money from me and not paying me back. Anyways I’m planning a move soon because I live with her. I wanna put her in her place because she’s constantly violating me. Any advice?

I want to tread carefully with this, because for as frustrating as my relationship with my parents was, they were not physically abusive, beyond spanking. Nor did they ever take money from me. Our issues were definitely more emotional and that was it’s own complex and exhausting and difficult web to untangle. I won’t get into it here, but it was all very complex and it is still triggering. Plus my mother is an immigrant parent, and it’s very hard for immigrant parents to see their children as their own people. It was a trigger for her anytime I “didn’t show respect” or expected her to treat me in the manner I expected her to treat an adult.

The thing is, I will never discount the fact that I had other sources of support nor will I say that I could have done it without them; and that should be the number one factor before making any decisions. I have other close family friends who have been privy to our familial clashes, I have a very supportive boyfriend (who wasn’t going to take advantage of my lack of parental support during a difficult and overwhelming time, which meant I could trust him), and I have friends who were pillars of support for me just as I’ve always been for them. I also have a well paying job, and my parents don’t have any oversight or control of my finances. I have a therapist who had given me good advice for years. Those things made the decision much easier and much less fraught than it would have been, say, five years ago. Maybe even three years ago.

I essentially said I wouldn’t be in contact with them any more, pure and simple. I also said more damaging things than that, but that was the overall point. I was furious, and I had no worries about what I was saying or how I was saying it. And yes, it did scare them, a lot. Because I’d never said many of the things on my chest, nor were they expecting me to ever reach a point where I would be able to cut ties with them with no fear. And I won’t say it was easy. The breaking point was horrible, and inevitable. I had absolutely no desire to speak to, nor see them, at any point in the future once I’d cooled off and told them that truth in no uncertain terms. It was brutal, and I was not nearly as calm I’m making it out to be here, but it was clear. It’s really hard to make a decision like that, and it felt like I was walking around underwater for a solid two weeks after that conversation. But slowly, I pulled it together, and I leaned hard on my support systems. Probably more than I ever have.

After about a month I think, my father asked what needed to happen for us to reopen lines of communication, and I told them my terms very clearly. I needed them to be in therapy. I needed them to acknowledge their wrongs, and I needed them to recognize that, as parents, the onus is on you to be a good, stable person for your child. Your child should have to do nothing but exist. By virtue of being a parent, you should never place the onus of fixing relationships or cultivating a healthy environment onto your child. I should not have been the one to see that there was a problem. That’s your job as a parent, and it is thankless, because your child did not ask to be here. We had a lot of deep conversations, a lot of hard discussions, and eventually found a stable medium for the moment. They know now that I have the support and freedoms to remove them from my life forever if need be, and if they want to be a part of it, they’ll shape up.

I want to be clear though, if your parents are extremely abusive, you do not need to do anything but find a way to safety. You need to cultivate strong support systems (which are not based around trauma but around true friendship and support). I think it’s nearly impossible to put the fear of god into an abusive person, in my opinion. The best option, in my opinion, is to find a way to get away from them, and begin to rebuild yourself, with the help of loved ones who are truly there for you. I really hope you’re safe and are able to find solace soon. Sending you love and support. 💛💛

[princehairsupremacy]

hey babe!!! i was wondering if you could do something like maybe harry is messing around with a “friend”. but it’s like angsty in the beginning because they don’t know what they are anymore. then ends with really good makeup sex. i love you and your writing!! i appreciate all you do!! thank you <3

prompts: 13, 23, 34, 43, 59, 128

13. “I don’t think friends do this.”

23. “I just need some time to think.”

34. “I would never do that to you.”

43. “I think I love you.”

59. “You’re mine.”

128. “Don’t tempt me.”

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Warnings: mentions of cheating, vaginal sex, face slapping, choking, spanking, masturbation

You remember the day it happened, when you started the twisted dumb little stupid agreement that messed it all up for you two, you remembered it vividly as you sat on the couch with a very confused Harry. Funny how it can all just start with a simple kiss.

3 Months Ago

You were heading to Harry’s house, he’d called you and seemed upset so of course you’d rushed over as soon as you could.

You parked your car and quickly walked to his front door, almost crying yourself when he’d opened it after you knocked with red eyes and a little sniffle. “Thanks for coming over.”

“What happened?” You walked in the door and he closed it, taking your jacket off and then hugging him straight away.

“She cheated on me.” You pulled back and raised your eyebrows. “I know I know, you knew and tried to warn me and I didn’t listen-“

“None of that, I’m sorry. When’d you find out?”

“She told me today, said she felt guilty and had to tell me, I knew I had to break up with her but it was really fucking hard. I thought it was a good relationship, a healthy one. Thought she loved me, turns out I was wrong. She left like an hour before you got here, at least she didn’t do it over the phone. Did I do something wrong?” You pulled him back in for hug, rubbing his back soothingly.

“Harry, you treat everyone you come across like they’re fucking royalty, of course you did nothing wrong. If she cheated, that’s her fault, not yours. She’s just an asshole.”

“Thank you.” He pulled back and smiled at me, holding my face in his hands. “You always help me so much.” He leaned in and kissed you.

You stepped back and touched your lips in disbelief. “What the fuck was that?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I done that. Before she told me she was cheating on me, she ignored for like a month and it’s been making my mind go hazy and now that we’ve broke up, it’s even more hazy and I just-“

“Harry, I get it. It’s fine.”

“Did you like it?” You looked up at him and tilted your head. “I didn’t mind it.”

“Um, I guess it wasn’t bad.”

“D’you wanna do it again?” He gave you a nervous look and you bit your lip, it felt wrong that you wanted to do it again but what really was the harm in doing it again.

“I don’t think friends do this.”

“Not what I asked, asked if you want to do it again.”

“Yeah.”

Present

Dumb stupid idiot, why did I say yes? We messed it all up. “What are we?” You looked back at him, the words taking out of your little trip back to the past.

“I don’t know, okay?! I don’t know what the fuck we’re doing!” He grabbed onto his hair and paced about the room.

“We need to figure this out, we can’t just keep pretending that we’re just fucking and being friends, it’s more than that and you know it!” You stood up and grabbed your bag. “Where the fuck are you going?”

“I need some time to think.” He grabbed the bag from you.

“Don’t leave, we need to talk about this. You don’t just get to leave and ignore me.”

“Ignore you? You think I would ignore you like she did? I would never do that to you and it’s really insulting to know that you think I would ever do that to you, I really thought you knew better. Asshole.” You took the bag back and he took your hand.

“I’m sorry, love. I don’t know where that came from I’m just panicking because...I think I love you.” You froze and he squeezed your hand.

“Right. I just need some time to think, okay?”

“I think I love you. D’you love me?” His thumb rubbed the back of your hand and you let out a shaky breath. Do you love him?

“Please, give me time to think. I won’t ignore you for a month okay? Just give me at least two weeks.” He dropped your hand and you saw tears in his eyes so you quickly turned about, quickly grabbing your stuff and getting out as quick as you could.

2 Weeks Later

He’s been calling. Constantly. He left voice mails but I haven’t had the courage to listen to them until now, You couldn’t pretend he didn’t exist any longer, the longer you waited, the harder it was going to be to answer.

You decided to listen to his voicemails, they started 3 days after you left and stopped talking to him, you should start there.

“Hey, I know it’s only been 3 days and you said to give you at least 2 weeks but I just wanted to know that you’re okay and safe, I still care about you. Even if you don’t want to call me, just send me a text telling me you’re okay, I won’t even try to start a conversation unless you want to.”

The next one is two days after.

“Hey, you didn’t text me or anything. Could you please just let me know you’re safe and okay, if you don’t say anything. I’m gonna call Claire to see if she knows how you are. I miss you.”

Fuck, you should’ve listened to these earlier. This one’s a day after he sent that one.

“You didn’t answer so I called Claire, she said you’re okay and that you’ve been texting her. Maybe you just aren’t listening to my voicemails. I hope I can see you soon, I really do miss you.”

Shit, theres still 3 voicemails left. You clicked on the next one and frowned at the slight tremble in his voiceZ

“Hey, I don’t think you’re listening to these voicemails but in case you are, I’ll keep sending them. She called me today, said she’s sorry for getting with someone else and it was so hard to not go back to her. I wish you were here to help me out with this, I need you so bad right now. I’m not going back to her but I do sort of miss her, but I just want you right now. Miss you lots.”

Fuck, fuck, fuck. The next one was like 4 days ago.

“It’s almost been two weeks. Hope you call me back soon, or text me, whatever you prefer. I really fucking miss you, didn’t realise how much I rely on you until I didn’t have you anymore. This fucking sucks, why do people keep leaving me? What’ve I been doing wrong? I’ve been doing the best I could but people keep fucking leaving anyway! I want you to come back to me, I need you to.”

You sniffled and wiped your eye, clicking on the last voicemail.

“So tomorrow is two weeks, I really hope you text me or something, I’ve never wanted someone back in my life so bad. I miss you, miss seeing your face. Everytime we had sex and you left, it hurt everytime. It hurt even more when I was the one that had to leave. I know we had good sex but I wish we did it in a relationship, I don’t want to be your friend, I want to be your boyfriend. I want to take you on dates and hold your hand and kiss you but I couldn’t, I didn’t know if you wanted that. Please call me.”

You clicked on the message button with tears in your eyes.

Come over.

Harry

Okay.

It only took him like 20 minutes to get there, now you were sitting on your couch, at opposite ends. You stared at your hands while we stared at you. “Why’d you ask me to come over?”

“I’m sorry.” You looked at him with teary eyes and he gave you a sad smile, grabbing your hand. “Sorry I left you to deal with this by yourself for 2 weeks.”

“It’s alright, I understand why you did it. I just wished you’d have let me known that you were okay, did you listen to my voicemails?”

“I only listened to them today. Harry, I want to be in a relationship.”

“Yeah?” You nodded and he shuffled closer, bringing you into a hug. “You don’t understand how happy that makes me.” He leaned back and pulled you in for a quick kiss. “I missed you so much.”

“I’m sorry again-“ He covered your mouth and smiled.

“Stop apologising, I get it, there’s no need for more apologies.” He took his hand away from your mouth and you kissed him again, bringing your hands up to his face.

“I love you.” You mumbled against his lips and he pulled back, looking between your eyes.

“I love you too.”

“Let’s make up for lost time, yeah?”

“Oh don’t tempt me.” He said jokingly. “Okay, but not on the couch, come to the bed.” He stood up and offered his hand, helping you up and walking you to the bedroom. You stood in front of the bed and he pushed you down onto it, gripping your shirt and pulling it off quickly.

He leaned down and kissed down your stomach, resting his hands on your hips. He dragged your leggings off and looked up at you. “What do you want?”

“Anything.” His fingers pressed against your through your underwear, rubbing in slight circles.

“Can feel how wet for are. Who are you wet for, baby? Hm?”

“You.” He looked up at you and swallowed, licking his lips. “Just you.”

“That can be arranged, when are you free?”

“Well, I think I’m free right now.”

“What a coincidence, so am I. Let’s get to it then?” Get to it? Oh my god. “I’m sorry, I regret saying let’s get to it.”

“Yeah, you should regret it, weirdo. C’mere.” He lifted himself up above you and looked down at you. “Let’s get straight to it.”

“Oh wow, it does sound really cringey, I’m so sorry. Did y’mean that though?”

“Yeah, meant it.”

“You’re eager today. And I’m okay with that.” He sat up on his knees and lifted his shirt off quickly, getting his head stuck at first but he did eventually get it over his big head. “Pretend that didn’t just happen.”

“No thanks, that’ll be burned in my brain now.”

“Well just...delete it.” He got off the bed and pushed his trousers down his legs, almost falling as he tried to step out of them without using his hands. “Fucking delete that from your brain too.”

“Nope, they’re both memories that are going to stay forever and you can deal with it.” He groaned and looked around the room.

"Have you got condoms in here still?" You pointed to a drawer and he walked over to it, taking one of the condoms then shutting the drawer and walking over to you.

"Thank fuck or else we might've had to stop, that would have been bad." He pushed his boxers down his legs and ripped open the condom and you looked at him and giggled. "What?"

"I don't know, you're just standing there absolutely naked opening a condom, how often do I see that?" He huffed and turned around, sitting on the bed. Pretty sure he’s doing that so I won’t laugh while he puts on the condom.

“Thanks a lot for laughing at me but it’s on now so you can’t laugh at anything.” He turned his head around to look at me. “Actually, close your eyes. I don’t want to take a risk and have you laugh at me coming to you with the condom on.”

“Dude?”

“Just do it. And please don’t call me dude right now, I’m literally about to fuck you.“ Oh my god, you covered your eyes with your hands even though it was pretty unnecessary.

“Fuck me? Thought we were in love? Aren’t we going to make love?” You could practically see and hear his eye roll, you grinned because you know he always thought saying ‘making love’ didn’t even sound romantic from all the times he complained to you about when his ex would say it. Do not think about his ex right now. “Can I look?”

“Maybe it’d be better if you were on your stomach, you’ve made me insecure now.” You uncovered your eyes to apologise to him but saw that he was grinning in front of you. “I’m sorry, did I not make it obvious that I was joking?”

“Do you want sex?” He pursed his lips and nodded his head slowly. “Being funny isn’t helping you then, just a tip.”

He cleared his throat and it was quite easy to tell he had a joke to say by the way he was smiling so much and his dimples were showing. “I’m alright, already have a tip.” You scoffed and he shrugged his shoulders. “It’s the truth.”

“You better hurry up before I leave.”

“You wouldn’t leave me.”

“Do you want to bet on that, Harry?” He shook his head and spread your thighs apart, licking his lips at the sight before him. “Straight to it.”

“Aw, come on. So mean. Whatever you want, I guess.” He lifted his head up, getting on his knees and moving your legs around his hips. You looked him in the eyes as he pushed in, his pupils were so dilated that his eyes almost looked black. It was only two weeks but he fucking missed this feeling, you were fighting but he couldn’t help thinking about this...touching himself at the thought of your body. “Fuck, the feel of you will never get old, I’ll never get tired of you. I love you so fucking much.”

“I-I love you too.” His fingers gripped your thighs, there were definitely going to be bruises and marks on your skin because of how much his fingers were digging into your skin. “Hurt me, Harry.”

“Hurt you? You want to be hurt like you’re being punished? Punish you for ignoring me for two weeks?” He raised his hand and slapped your face, not very hard but enough. “You want to be used?”

“Please.” He rubbed slightly where he just slapped you, it wasn’t enough to hurt you, he knew how to hold himself back enough to not harm you to a point where you didn’t like it, he would never want to do that. “Do what you want with me.”

“Was already fucking planning on it.” He gripped your thighs again, his hips pressing against the back of your thighs everytime he roughly thrusted forward into you. He wasn’t sure if it was the connection you guys had or the way you were just so fucking amazing everytime he fucked you but this was the best sex he’d had in his life and he never wanted to give it up. It was probably both the connection and how amazing you were actually.

“Harry!” His right hand moved to your waist, his fingers instead pressing deeply into the skin there. He wanted you to bruise so you remember this because he wasn’t going to forget it and he didn’t want you to either. “Uh, fuck...!”

“That feel good?- shit...” His pressed his hips right against the back of your thighs, pausing and moving his hands beside your head and trying to balance himself so he didn’t fall onto you.

“You feel so deep, it’s good.” You reached up to hold his hair back from his face and opened his eyes to look down at you. He leaned down and rested the side of his head on your shoulder, softly dropping down onto you. His hips moved slowly again and you felt his lips press gently against your shoulder. “You tired? I can ride you if you’re too tired.”

“No, just give me a minute. I’m not that tired yet, I can keep going.” He picked his head up from your shoulder and kneeled again but he couldn’t find the energy to go back into the previous position so he sat back on his heels and was breathing very heavily.

“Don’t push yourself, you’re tired.” You lifted yourself up so you were sitting on his lap and he laid his head on your chest. His arms wrapped around you and he slowly turned around, bringing his feet out from under him and slowly shuffling back until he was leaned against the headboard.

“Sorry, I can usually go longer but I haven’t been getting much sleep. I’ve been thinking of you too much to sleep. Missed you so much.” You brought your hands up to his hair and scratched his head soothingly. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologising. I should be the one apologising for keeping you up at night. For what it’s worth, I missed you so much too.” You grinded your hips forward, closing your eyes as you felt your clit rub against his skin. “This always feel good.”

“Y’like riding me? I like watching your tits bounce as you use me to cum, ‘s hot.” How does he have no filter at all? It’s not like you didn’t feel a bit of a...tingle?...when he said that though. “Can you do that f’me, please?”

“Yeah, of course.” You grabbed onto his shoulders and he leaned his head back, swallowing as he watched you start to bounce slightly in his lap. His gaze drifted from your hips to your chest, his head leaned forward to suck your nipple because he just couldn’t control himself when it was right in front of his face. “Oh-“

His hands drifted up to your hips, slowly dragging his fingers up the sides of your body until he got to about the middle of your waist and he pulled his head back so that be could use his hands to play with your tits, rolling your nipples between his fingers. “I love your body, so beautiful and just out of this world.”

“I love everything about you. Your body, your face, your personality, your tongue, your fingers, and...other parts.” He let out a slight chuckle then grinned and shook his head.

“Other parts? Wonder what parts, guess we’ll never know.” His hands dropped down to just hold your hips and help you lift yourself up and drop back down. His fingers on his right hand skimmed against your thigh as his head fell back against the headboard of your bed again. “Are- fuck. Are you going to cum yet?”

“I don’t know, can you touch me?” He sucked on his thumb a little then pressed it against your clit, moving in a slow and steady motion. “That’s much better, yeah.”

His eyes watched his thumb move and you closed your eyes, starting to just grind your hips again as you were getting a little sore. “I’m gonna need you to fucking cum, darling.”

“I am trying my best here.” His left hand reached around to spank you and you gasped in surprise, you don’t remember him ever doing that before but it was actually pretty good.

“Didn’t ask for attitude from you. Don’t fucking speak to me like that.” Hearing the dominance in his voice was fucking mind blowing, was he holding all this back until now. He shouldn’t have held it back, definitely shouldn’t have. “Ever heard that if you don’t have anything nice to say then keep it to your fucking self?”

“I’m sorry...” He rolled his eyes and grabbed your ass, making you grind your hips faster.

“You’re sorry? You’re only sorry because I called you out on it. Just be quiet and cum already.” You squeezed his shoulders and moved your hips faster. His thumb pressing just enough against your clit that everytime you moved your hips forward it brought you closer and closer to coming.

“I’m gonna cum now.” He looked up at your face and moved his hand from your ass to your throat, squeezing tightly but just enough that you could still breathe.

“Finally, do it then.” Your hips spasmed uncontrollably and you came around his cock, falling against his chest when it was over. “Fucking sit up, never said we were done.”

“What...?” He grabbed your hair and pulled your head back until you were sitting up straight, his hand moved up from your throat to grip your chin.

“We’re not done. Get off me and lay down.” You lifted yourself up and sat beside him, doing your best to catch your breath as quickly as you could. “Did you listen? Lay down. You’re mine and you’re gonna listen to me.” You fell back and lifted your arm over your eyes, closing them so you could try to calm down. “Are you alright? Can you keep going.” His tone was a lot softer than it previously was.

“Yeah. Just, not too much please.” You felt his hands land on your thighs and he pushed them apart.

“Okay, I’ll be nicer. You just relax and enjoy yourself.” You felt his nose nudge against your sensitive clit as his tongue licked up around your hole and you cried out. “Are you alright?”

“Just sensitive. I should be fine though.” His tongue dragged up to your clit and he gently flicked his tongue against it. “Don’t go any harder than that, it’ll just hurt.”

Harrys hands reached up to hold on to the back of your thighs and he lifted them up onto his shoulders, his hands sliding around to rest at the front of your thighs. He sucked your clit between his lips, not too hard so he didn’t hurt you since you were pretty sensitive.

Your hands returned to his hair and you just held on as your vision got a little blurry, you weren’t going to last long before coming again because of your sensitivity. “Harry I-“

“Mhm...” He hummed against you and the vibrations added onto your pleasure that his mouth and tongue were already giving you. Your back arched and your thighs pressed against your head as you came on his tongue, feeling like you could pass out as soon as he lifted his head up and dropped your legs off of his shoulders.

“You- Harry, need to cum now.”

“No-“

“Yes, cum on me if you want, just don’t want to be selfish and only think about myself.” He sighed and moved himself until he was kneeling beside you on your left side.

“Can I cum on your tits? Just always wanted to try that.” You gave him a little nod and he smiled. “Can you just not watch me do it? Like, close your eyes.” You groaned and closed your eyes, hoping he wouldn’t take too long because if you had your eyes closed too long you knew you’d fall asleep.

He lifted his leg over your body and had a knee on either side of you, kneeling over your stomach. “Okay- I’m gonna do this now.” He grabbed his cock and shuffled forward a little so his cum would hit your chest. It wasn’t going to take him long, he’d had so much build up to this moment that he knew he wasn’t going to be waiting long.

His hand moved up and down his cock, your cum still covering his cock from your first orgasm. Fuck, he found it so hot that he was using your cum to be able to touch himself so that he could cum on your tits.

He reached his other hand down and cupped his balls, biting his lip as his pleasure only grew intenser as he did it. He closed his eyes and threw his hand back as he moved his hands faster, imagine it was your warm and wet mouth as he alwayds did literally everytime since you started hooking up with him, you only grew better and better everytime you sucked him off and he could never complain every time you did it.

He squeezed his balls gently and felt himself on the brink of coming, he swiped his thumb over his sensitive tip and moved his hand as fast as he could. He was using the image of your chest covered in his cum as motivation to hurry up and see it as soon as possible.

His thighs quivered a little as he opened his eyes and watched his cum coat your chest. He kept moving his hand to make sure he got as much cum as he could on your tits and moved off of you when he was sure he was finished. “Y’can open your eyes.”

“Was it as good as you imagined.” His eyes flicked over to your chest and he pursed his lips, dipping two of his fingers into his cum and bringing it to your mouth. You gladly accepted his fingers in your mouth and looked at him as you sucked on them.

“Was way fucking better than I imagined. Sorry I made you close your eyes.” He pulled his fingers out of your mouth and spread his cum around your chest. “I’m definitely going to think about this for the rest of my life.”

“Right stop playing with it and clean it up, it’s quite fucking sticky and weird.” He grinned and stood up, heading into the bathroom to grab a towel. He rushed back and wiped it off your chest, biting his lip as he did it.

“Wasn’t playing with it, obviously. Just wanted to make sure there were no areas clear of it.” You rolled your eyes and he stopped cleaning your chest, putting the towel in your laundry basket.

“You were playing with it.”

“Was not!”

𓆉

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[tundrainafrica]

I've been following your blog for a while now and I love your writing and your meta! I was wondering, do you consider Levi and Hanji's relationship to be romantic in canon? Do you consider it canon that Levi had romantic feelings for Erwin?

Thank you for the ask anon, also, thank you for ruffling my feathers a bit too :D. I’m glad you like my writings and meta and I hope that my works continue to bring you joy. 

The types of questions you asked up there could only lead to the types of answers that can spark ship wars. I mean the dialogue in 136 and the change in kanji for chapter 132 hinting their own ships canon were enough to have Eruri and Levihan shippers bashing each other on twitter tbh. 

Personally, I see the romantic potential for both Levihan and Eruri in the show. That’s why I found myself reading a good number of Levihan and Eruri fics. (But lots more Levihan if it isn’t obvious from AO3 bookmarks and my tumblr title). I mean lots more romantic potential than let’s say.... ereri

Do you consider it canon that Levi had romantic feelings for Erwin? 

I’ll answer this one first. No. I don’t think Levi had romantic feelings for Erwin anywhere on the show. Was there potential for something to bloom? Possibly, that’s why I still read eruri fanfiction. I like exploring the possibility if Erwin wasn’t a little too obsessed with his dream, maybe their relationship could have turned out differently.

In canon, by the time they introduced Erwin, Erwin had already forsaken all romance and I think whatever feelings Erwin had towards romance rubbed off on Levi and their relationship ended up being more professional than anything. Due to Erwin’s one track mind and the position he had taken upon himself. any romantic possibilities between them in canon was just harder to make happen. 

Levi though still had strong feelings towards Erwin. It’s undeniable. Erwin had given Levi purpose to live and direction on where to go next, what to do next so that’s why regardless of whether canon had made it possible or not, this relationship is still very interesting to explore. 

Erwin was more professional and cold than Levi imo and honestly, despite the cold demeanor of his best friend Erwin, Levi was an incredible softie at heart and we’ve seen that side of him multiple times, when he gave Petra’s badge to that one soldier, when he stared at that one mother and child when they were on the wall ready to leave to retake Shiganshina.

We all know Levi begrudgingly wanted that soft side of him indulged and between Erwin and Hange the one more likely to indulge that softie side of Levi was Hange. 

Which brings me to the next question.

Do you consider Levi and Hanji's relationship to be romantic in canon? 

I wouldn’t be obsessively writing Levihan fics if I didn’t see it as romantic in canon. But at the same time, I don’t believe Hange and Levi have been in a relationship since Season 1. My headcanon here is Hange and Levi built that relationship over time and this relationship just rapidly progressed after season 3

It’s incredibly subtle which is one of the reasons people like to pretend it doesn’t exist. Probably because they’re trying to promote another ship or they don’t wanna see romance in AOT

But I don’t think a relationship developing subtly is at all a sign that it can be more platonic than anything else. 

In fact, most healthy relationships and most relationships from a bystanders point of view, develop subtly. Like we were the bystanders in many other developing relationships in real life, I think we, the audience of AOT, were also bystanders watching the subtle development of Hange and Levi’s relationship. 

Let’s think about how we’ve watched relationships develop in real life.  

If we’re not invested, they happen incredibly subtly. These people are just constantly together, then eventually we realize we can’t invite the other without the other, then we realize we can barely get them alone, then we realize the person changed and eventually they drop this bomb saying “by the way, I’m dating this person now.”

This pattern happens way too many damn times among my friends though and people I just randomly watch everyday that it just became so expected for it to develop into romance so eventually, when I’ve seen the formula play through, I tend to lean on the side of ‘yeah, they’re probably togteher or getting there.’

Yeah, I get it, there’s a danger in assuming that people are together. I’ve seen enough romantic relationships develop though to realize that leaning on the side of ‘romantic’ given specific signs is usually the correct assumption. In fact, I have earned a good amount of money irl winning bets with my friends that two people are actually together but are hiding a relationship (or possibly are in denial).

What are some of these signs? 

The way they treat this one person is so glaringly different from how they treat other people 

Through the years, I have lost a lot of my best friends to their boyfriends/girlfriends and as the youngest child, I have watched all seven of my siblings get into a relationship and believe me, a lot of them have a certain line they would draw on what they are willing to do for their close friend or sibling and what they are willing to do for a lover. 

I have seen people in love so willingly have their hand crushed while the person they love has their fingers set back. “Hold my hand as hard as you need to.” I’ve seen my friends take a detour 1 hour away from the destination just to pick up the person they love. And here’s the thing, they wouldn’t have done it for anyone else usually, they would have only done that thing for that one person. 

Yes, okay doormats exist. But even people with doormat syndrome, the threshold of what someone is willing to do for a close friend and for a person they love still differ regardless. In a life or death situation, I think both Levi and Hange would have fought to conserve lives but if we consider small things, like routines, groceries, small favors, I feel like Levi has an incredibly low threshold of what he’d be willing to do for a random person. But Levi still carried her groceries for her so he could meet her with Moblit in the smartpass. Levi still picked her up and waited for her in Season 2 when she was researching the rock. And for Hange, chapter 115 is all the hint you need. I honestly don’t know if Hange would have gone through those lengths for anyone else but selfishly abandoning commander duties for one guy? She practically said screw you to everyone else. 

The way they talk to each other is different.

This is something I notice in real life too. Most people won’t notice when they themselves do it but it’s incredibly obvious for listeners if the listeners look out for it. The tones of people’s voices change when they’re talking to someone they love. For a lot of people, sometimes their voices get a little high pitched. For others, sometimes their voices get a little softer. Just watch when you’re talking to a friend and suddenly their SO calls. (It might not apply to everyone but I find this incredibly common.) Not just tones, speech patterns change or tendencies too. In front of that one person, sometimes people are a little more selfish. Like maybe, they don’t usually say what they want to eat but when the one person asks, they would answer because suddenly they know what they want. 

With Hange and Levi we have the ‘let’s live together’ and the ‘dedicate your heart’ respectively. 

These are two expressions/phrases they would have not used with anyone else. There was probably more in canon, but these are just the most glaringly obvious ones with two pivotal scenes that blatantly show that Hange and Levi do have signs of the above.  

Hange and Levi who are generally very selfless all business people, are suddenly only selfish with the person they love. Hange with “let’s live together?” An injured Levi deciding to rest and sleep despite the fact that they were in a war because Hange was nearby to take care of him?

Those two were suddenly selfish when they were alone with one another?

They are constantly together.

Okay, irl, you can see this when you have all your friends ride in a car together and somehow, it’s always them taking those two seats next to each other. They leave the classroom together. They leave every single dam room together. And it could be subtle or not but they always wait for one another. Yet if one person is not there, they’re the type to just go ahead and leave without giving the room behind them a second look. When someone wants to buy something, the other always has an excuse to come. And oh my god, when you call your friend in the middle of the night to hang, that person is always in their dam house or in their dam room, no breaks. 

And Hange and Levi have their equivalent of this. 

Levi literally picked Hange from her lab in Season 2 while she was injured and he had no need to. 

I think I have made a post where Levi and Hange are shown constantly together but lemme make some points. Even early in canon, why were Hange and Levi introduced riding next to each other, they’re not even in the same squad. Why were they riding out the gate together? Shouldn’t Levi have been with his squad and shouldn’t Hange have been with her squad? 

Yeah sure, maybe they just decided to ride together. But why were they next to each other in the Ilse’s notebook too when they went out the gate? And even when they were going to take back Wall Maria, Levi and Hange were next to each other in the lift, they were back to back on Wall Maria. 

Like the only expedition where they weren’t riding together was when Levi had to protect Eren yo.

“They’re both leaders of course they were together” Mind you, Levi’s position in the military is a special one. He’s the captain of a special operations squad and not at all a squad leader so he shouldn’t be riding next to Hange if it were by “leaders” and in the retake Wall Maria, if they were divided by “leaders” why didn’t Hange take the lift with the other squad leaders? Why wasn’t she back to back with the other squad leaders on top of Wall Maria? 

Why did she pick to hang out with Special Ops squad Captain Levi of all people, in every. Single. Damn. expedition. Scene. 

And don’t even get me started on post Season 3 man. They’ve been inseparable since Erwin died.  

They literally come in a set. 

And you kinda realized your friends are in love when you wanna invite one of them out and you realized you kinda have to invite their special little friend by default. 

And Hange and Levi are just like that too, 

Hange and Levi have always come in a set. In fan art, in those advertisements, Hange and Levi are always next to each other. In those fan audiobooks, smart passes, there are always Levihan crumbs. Attack on Titan Chuugakkou was literally a testament to the canonicity of Levihan since in that show, they didn’t even hide anything, Levi and Hange were always next to each other. (I think Hange actually ended up living with him towards the end?) Post Season 3, I don’t even think there were many seasons where Levi and Hange were apart and when they were apart it was more of for duty than anything else. 

Hange was always with him when she could, despite her duty as commander. Given their circumstances, they wouldn’t even be together a lot if they didn’t make the effort too. 

Especially towards the end, 126 - 132, the few times Hange did leave Levi behind were for commander duties but Hange never left Levi for the lulz. And also, in 132, Levi was magically able to walk when Hange finally left him behind, and Levi could barely walk in 132, yet he still pushed himself to stand up, walk toward her and attempt to stop her. 

In fact, Hange’s first scenes were next to Levi and Hange’s last scenes were also next to Levi “See you later Hange.”

And I think the huge efforts they put to being together despite their circumstances says a lot already. Hange and Levi’s treatment of each other and their being together constantly in general is a huge testament to the canonicity of their romance. 

Sure, there were no ‘I love yous’. But really, before our irl friends who were in love actually came out to us, maybe months or even years after we’ve watched them be joined at the hip, were there really ‘I love you’s  between them or did we all just place bets on it because they were just being too glaringly obvious about it in how they treated each other? 

[greatbigbellies]

New anonymous commission story! This is another hyperpregnant slice of life piece, about a couple of boys who find out that they can conceive additional babies mid-pregnancy which will grow to catch up to the largest sibling, resulting in rapid growth for one of the husbands! Contains hyperpregnancy, tmpreg, some weight gain and lactation, mild belly worship, and allusions to sex.

Leo sat in the passenger seat of he and Marko’s sedan, his boyfriend behind the wheel. The pair sat in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. They’d received some… rather shocking news from Leo’s most recent doctors appointment. All three babies were fine, all perfectly healthy... but that was precisely the point, all THREE were healthy. At three months in, Leo was at the tail end of his first trimester, and when he started, there was supposedly only one in his womb. Then a few weeks ago, they were suddenly expecting fraternal twins. Then finally, today, triplets, all inexplicably at the same stage of growth.

“What’s going through you mind, hon?” Marko finally asked, breaking the silence. Leo brushed a few brown, fluffy hairs out of his face with one hand, and held his tummy protectively with the other. “I’m just… I’m floored we’re having three kids! I’m just… confused I guess? Like we were set with one for a while… and then two… and now…” Leo trailed off. Marko squinted in concentration as he thought of how to word his theory. “I… think I know the pattern… I don’t think it’s a matter of the doctors just mysteriously being unable to count…” Leo could tell where this was going. “You mean…” Marko nodded. “Think about it? There was the night we conceived after the party… that’s one. Then there was minigolf night...” Marko began listing off. Leo nodded, “Yeah, Minigolf was fun, we need to do that again sometime,” Leo smiled. Marko raised an eyebrow, “Like… just the minigolf, or what came after too?” 

Leo turned to him and batted his eyelashes, “I dunno, can you get another hole in one?” Marko felt himself start to blush. He was typically the more dominant one, but Leo knew how to push his buttons. “Besides, I wanna test your theory. See if I wake up with four tomorrow,” Marko was now no longer ‘starting to blush’ and was instead outright blushing. “Are you teasing me, or are you serious? Cause our turn to go golfing comes up in two blocks,” Leo put his hand in Marko’s shoulder, leaned over, and said “put another baby in me,”

Marko smiled mischievously, eager to relive their minigolf date. “But! If I win you gotta buy me a sundae. The babies want hot fudge,” Leo teased. Marko’s grin widened. “Nah hon, I’m gonna get a hole in one, beat your ass at minigolf, buy you TWO sundaes, watch you eat them, then we’ll fuck like there ain’t no tomorrow,” he said, wearing his confident smile proudly. Now it was Leo’s turn to blush, turning away and putting his hands over his mouth and cheeks. “Fuck, I hate it when you get all assertive like that,” he said through his hands. Marko laughed. “No you don’t, you little bottom!” Leo erupted in laughter himself, his adorable, irregular laugh like music to Marko’s ears.

“I mean… in fairness, you’re too competitive to lose on purpose, but too much of a gentleman to let a pregnant guy go hungry,” the praise elicited another more subtle blush from Marko, two ran his hand through his short, black undercut. “I mean… you need lots of calcium for the babies. There’s milk in ice cream so, like… it’s good for you right now?” Marko stumbled to his point. Leo chucked and lifted the hem of his beige sweater up to his chest, exposing his tiny first trimester tummy, looking ever so slightly pudgy from being 3 months along. Marko’s blush shifted to a deeper red and he tried to focus on the road, but was a sucker for Leo’s belly. “You’re going to get so big with four babies,” he said, his voice just slightly quivering in anticipation.

“Why stop at four?” asked Leo. “Are you serious?” replied Marko. “100%. We’ve talked about this before. We both love…” he gestured to his bare tummy, “THIS. We both have decided to take on fatherhood, why not just… shoot for the moon?” he put his shirt back down. Marko pulled into “Albatross Minigolf” and put the car in park, looking very seriously at Leo. “That’s going to be really hard on your body,” “I know,” “We’ll need a bigger car,” “I know,” “We’ll need a bigger APARTMENT!” “Marko… we’ll be fine! We only get to really do this once, lets make the most of it!” said Leo reassuringly. Marko wasn’t sure if “this” meant pregnancy, parenthood, or life in general, but he didn’t care. He kissed Leo on the lips, beyond excited to watch his boyfriend grow huge with his babies.

He got out of the car and ran around to the other side to get the door for Leo. He was more than prepared to dote on the man, already deciding he’d get Leo THREE sundaes after minigolf. After all, they’d need some calories to burn.

3 months later

Now six months along, and swollen with large sextuplets, Leo was solidly what one would call ‘very, VERY pregnant’. His usual button up flannel shirts had grown tighter and tighter until they wouldn’t button. While the pair did like the belly out, unbuttoned shirt look, Leo preferred to be more modest when in public. As the temperature dropped due to the coming of autumn, Leo had switched to his larger sweatshirts to remain covered, and even those didn’t really do the job anymore. Now looking overdue with quads, he waddled through the Willowbrook Square Mall wearing that same beige sweater he wore during minigolf night, once two sizes too big, now pulled tight over his bump and only reaching just above his navel.

To cover his lower belly, he wore a supportive belly band to help redistribute the weight of his womb and provide some modesty. Unfortunately for Leo, but much to Marko’s delight, the top hem of the belly belt and bottom hem of the shirt couldn’t quite meet, resulting in a cheeky strip of exposed tummy, complete with his popped navel peeking out.

Leo’s belly swayed slowly back and forth as he waddled next to Marko, squeezing his hand. He absolutely loved being so pregnant, but he tended to get colder feet in public. He was a sight to behold, and people weren’t shy about staring at his impressive bump. “I think that lady has intentionally hopped from store to store to keep me in view,” whispered Leo meekly, “She just keeps watching me, it’s weird,” “Bet she’s jealous of how great you look,” chuckled Marko. “Marko! I’m serious!” Leo hissed, “I like being this big but I don’t like being the center of attention!”

Marko raised an eyebrow, not liking his boyfriend being nervous. “I can talk to her if you’d like?” Leo shook his head, “Nono, I don’t want confrontation, I just want… honestly I just want a milkshake…” he said as cravings shifted his focus to his empty stomach. With each added baby to his womb, his appetite grew stronger, even as the amount of room in his smooshed digestive system grew smaller. Marko swiftly steered the pair toward the food court, knowing exactly what to get him.

Leo wasn’t much of a foodie before pregnancy, but getting knocked up had not only expanded his palette, but increased his appetite to the point Marko was constantly feeding him. He had actually become something of a good cook, and really enjoyed feeding Leo. As a result of his new caloric intake, Leo has began to physically soften with time, his thighs and ass become pillowier, and for the first time in his life, he had love handles. Marko took this as a point of pride, that his cooking was good enough to make someone a little pudgy. Of course, the constant flow of ice cream treats certainly didn’t hurt either.

“Any preferences, dear?” Marko asked as he helped Leo ease into a chair, which had to be pulled away form the table to make enough room for the belly. “Where you buying?” He asked. Marko tilted his head toward one of the chain restaurants in the court, “Sonic has the biggest shakes here, and I know you like car-” “Carmel oreo please,” grinned Leo. Marko’s heart flittered a little bit at Leo’s innocent smile, still in the honeymoon phase even after being together for so long. He nodded and made his way toward the Sonic, leaving Leo to sit and rest his aching feet.

He placed his hands on the top shelf of his belly, and scanned the food court. He was semi-used to being stared at by this point. Being visibly trans, being in a visibly gay relationship, hell, even his nose ring got glares from older folks. But this felt different, it wasn’t him they were stealing glances of, it was his belly. He felt a draft blow across the sliver of exposed skin between his sweater and belly belt, and felt a little self conscious. To make matters worse, the woman who had been stalking him made a b-line and was actually approaching him. He considered getting up and moving, but knew he’d reached the point in size and weight were he really needed Mareko’s help to do anything quickly.

“Excuse me!” she said, Leo braced for the worst. “I’m sorry, I know I’ve been following you around, we’ve made eye contact like 4 times, but I really need to ask you something,” she continued. Poor Leo grimaced and prepared for the worst. What invasive question would he have to answer this time? She took a seat at his table, sitting across from him. She made eye contact and seemed very direct, something Leo wasn’t super crazy about.

“So my friend is pregnant, and she’s carrying decuplets, and she’s really starting to struggle with her size… where did you get that tummy support thing?” Leo blinked, feeling like an overhyped bandaid was just painlessly torn off. “Oh, uh, there’s a place across town that sells maternity wear, called ‘twins n’ up’, and the owner makes their own stuff. They, uh, they custom made it for me,” he answered. The lady nodded intently and made several notes on her phone.

“Is this lady bothering you, hon?” asked Marko as he returned with 32 ounces of creamy milkshake. “No, actually she was just asking me about this!” Leo pulled the hem of his supporting belt, letting it snap back against is belly. “I swear I’m not trying to harass your husband, he’s just the first person i’ve seen who is as pregnant is my friend and I wanted to know where he got his clothes. I’ll leave you guys alone now, thank you!” she said to Marko, offering her seat to him. Marko’s protective nature made him a little cautious of the woman’s intentions, but she seemed harmless enough. “Take care!” smiled Leo as she left. Marko sat across from him, and handed him the milkshake.

Marko chuckled, “I guess we look like husbands now?” Leo took a long, indulgent sip of his shake, basking in the sugaryness of it all. “I mean, we are growing our family quite a bit,” he patted his tummy, “I think it’s a fair assumption we’re married,” Marko considered the situation for a moment and realized, yeah, it WAS a fair assumption they be married, or at least engaged… maybe it was near time he brought assumption to reality…

3 more months later

Marko and Leo were currently no longer boyfriends. Rather, they were fiances! Marko popped the question privately after a very fun and successful baby shower, and Leo immediately said yes. Some tears of happiness were shed, celebratory cake was consumed, and more babies were added to Leo’s ever swelling womb later that night. Things were progressing smoothly for the expecting couple as they’d moved from their old smaller apartment to a larger, open floor house. 

Now 9 months pregnant with thirteen babies, Leo was a sight to behold. His belly was permanently bared, no wardrobe in the country able to cover his bump. Through some luck, good genes, and lots of cocoa butter, he’d managed to avoid any stretchmarks, but his navel was thoroughly popped. While he’d started the pregnancy off on the skinny side, Marko’s endless flow of food had made sure baby weight accumulated, and now everything from his legs to his chest was growing. The only part of him that didn’t seem to gain any weight was his face, which was still lithe and adorable. His fluffy brown hair had only grown fluffier and fuller with the prenatal vitamins he was taking. He had to lose his blonde highlight though, as the babies could absorb chemicals through hair exposure, strangely enough.

Marko had been hard at work unpacking their whole life into this new house, as Leo had grown too large to really do much besides be doted on, which Marko was fine with. He’d set up their bedroom, and taken the doors off their hinges and removed the doorframes to buy Leo just a few precious weeks of being able to travel through doorways. At the rate they were going, they would need every inch of their open floorplan just for Leo’s titanic tummy.

Leo’s belly now held not only tredecuplets, but enough amniotic fluid to stay full and spherical. He was clocking in at around 300 lbs, and just under half of that was belly. Through the help of Marko, Leo could still walk… but getting up and down was a challenge. Leo’s belly was beyond bigger around than he was tall, and there were substantial portions where he could no longer reach. That didn’t stop the couple from conceiving more though. Even at thirteen full and pregnant beyond words, the couple still had plans for more. Call it some kind of hedonism, but Leo loved being bred and growing ever more massive, and Marko loved to watch. 

Even now, well into January, large snowflakes lazily falling outside, the pair were together, warm and happy. Leo had basically outgrown the couch at this point, his belly more wide than the cushions were deep. Instead, they had splurged on an electric recliner which was situated facing slightly to the right of the television, so that Leo could lay back in a reclined position, but only had to turn his head to see the TV, since he couldn’t see past his own tummy straight on at this point. Strong visible kicks could be seen occasionally poking out of his tightly stretched skin, often in places out of view from Leo himself. 

He sat, laid back in his large, cushy recliner, eating some chinese takeout Marko had picked up for him. He set the styrofoam container on his chest, idly scooping noodles into his waiting mouth. A chow mein noodle fell into his cleavage, something he didn’t have 6 months ago, and he picked it out with his chop sticks, hoping Marko didn’t notice him miss his mouth.

Marko didn’t notice, too enarmored with his future husband’s massive midriff. He got to see it every day, and yet every day he somehow loved it more. His hands were almost always touching it, only off of the bump when cooking or otherwise doing housework. He knew this had to be hard for Leo, being so massive and carrying so many, so Marko worked hard to do his part. Anything Leo wanted, he got. Specific foods, foot rubs, new clothes, a bigger belly… all of it was hand delivered by Marko himself. For being the more dominant of the pairing, he’d become something of a servant as Leo grew closer to immobility.

Right now, Marko had a dining room chair pulled up next to Leo, and was working cocoa butter into the side of his tummy, working slowly to both be gentile and maximize his time spent touching it. It amazed him how no matter his size, or how many were in there, his overburdened belly still had just a little give to it. Leo smiled, watching his partner be just engrossed with his tummy. “You have such a hopeless belly kink,” he chuckled. “Hmmm? Me?” Marko said, almost missing the question cause he was staring at the belly. “Yes you! Even before I got knocked up you liked touching me there! Who’s hands were on my tummy when we made out the first time?” Marko blushed. “I mean, yeah mine... but also who was so eager he got close enough that our glasses hooked on themselves? Who was so willing he whispered how he wanted a ‘baby in him right then and there?’,” Marko teased. 

Leo was the one blushing now, thinking back to one of their first dates. Little did he know just HOW MANY babies would be put in him later in life. “Is it… bad I still want you to put a baby in me?” he said, embarrassed by his own words and avoiding eye contact. Marko set aside the cocoa butter and stood up, taking a good look at the tummy that lay before him. “No… I don’t think it’s bad… but I wonder if there’s room in that belly for any more?” he teased, pressing the tips of his fingers into Leo’s exposed tummy.

“Oh come on Mark, don’t make me beg, you said you’d take care of me?” Leo teased right back, deepening his finance’s blush. “Hmmm…” he rested the side of his head on the front end of Leo’s belly, listening to the ambient, living sounds from inside. “It SOUNDS pretty full, can one guy get any more pregnant?” Leo crossed his arms and mock-pouted. “I won’t ever find out if you keep talking...” Marko leaned over Leo, casting a shadow across his face. “So you’re ready for number 14?” he grinned. Leo wrapped his hand around the back of Marko’s head and pulled him in for a kiss before whispering, “Why stop there?”

Another 3 months later

Marko had needed to make some calls. He had a few contacts with the fabrication industry, and knew some guys always willing to help him out. Now a year pregnant, and full of 20 babies, Leo no longer fit standard furniture. He was simply too large and heavy for traditional couches and chairs. Instead, Marko’s friends had put their heads together, and fashioned him a special, form fitting lounge chair, with a sturdy metal frame and soft, satiny cushions. They even thought ahead and made certain parts of it adjustable to accommodate for his growing size. And growing he was. Now beyond overdue, the growth of his still healthy brood pushed his body to new maximums. Leo often joked about how his womb would need its own zipcode soon.

Leo buttoned his shirt back up, setting the pumping apparatus on the table next to him. He’d had to start pumping his milk, or his breasts would begin leaking on their own, and frankly, he didn't want colostrum on his plaid flannels. “Hon, could you put that in the fridge?” he asked, pointing at the bottles of milk he’d produced. Marko ran his hand along the circumference of Leo’s belly as he moved past him, slightly tickling Leo in the process. He took the bottles and placed them in the fridge before circling back. “How’re you feeling honey?” he asked. “Big. Pregnant. Massive, really,” Leo answered. “Just how you like it?” Marko replied. Leo grinned, “Yeeeaaahhh,”

Marko placed his hands firmly on the expanse of pale, pregnant skin, and started kissing. Leo squirmed on his throne of pregnancy as his husband moved slowly up his belly toward his face. Marko gave him a deep, passionate kiss on the lips, causing Leo’s breath to shake slightly. “You love me so much,” he said in his quivering voice. “I”m so massive and pregnant and huge and round and you adore me like this.” he continued, getting a little emotional. “Of course I do,” replied Marko, giving his lovely husband a side-hug. “You’re my person, and you’re carrying a lot of persons, just for me, and that’s not easy. And I appreciate it. And I want you to know that I love you, both for doing that and for just being you!” Said Marko tenderly. Leo teared up a little, reaching out for another hug. Marko obliged, Leo wiping a couple tears on Marko’s 80’s style denim button-up.

“I couldn’t do all this without you, y’know… all… THIS!” Leo gestured to his astounding belly, which nudged with movement slightly in response. “You shouldn’t ever have to, babe. That’s why we have each other,” The two shared a tender silence, Marko rocking back and forth slowly. Leo sniffed and shook his head, “Augh, sorry. Pregnancy hormones… y’know… make me all emotional.” he said. “You’re allowed to be emotional, babe,” reassured Marko. “I know…” nodded Leo. 

Leo’s tummy rumbled and Marko chuckled, “You also get emotional when you’re hungry…” he pointed out. Leo laughed his bubbly, infectious laugh. “Yeah, I can’t argue with that… lemme see… the babies want…” he paused, “Potato soup!” Marko nodded, making his way to the kitchen to cook a huge batch. “Anything for you, my love,”

[where-poets-go-to-die]

Polyamorous BokuAkaa Headcanons bc this is self indulgent!! Mostly!!

CW: marriage & children (both hypotheticals and kids are only very briefly touched on)

Bokuto and Akaashi invited you into their relationship

First Bokuto off-handly told Akaashi that he thought you were cool and attractive

It took Akaashi about a month before he was like: "Okay. I agree. But why did you bring that up?"

"What if we tried a polyamorous relationship with them! :D"

"Well, we'd have to discuss it with them and ease them into it. And that's only if they want to do it."

So imagine your surprise when Bokuto loudly declares that he and Akaashi want to pursue a relationship with you

Like,, homie has no chill and sees no point in beating around the bush

Now let's get into romantical highschool hcs:

If you're a manager, please give them lil good luck hugs and/or kisses before practice matches or games if you aren't on the court

If you aren't, Bokuto is going to try to get you to come to any game they play and Akaashi, despite being a little stoic, will probably blush a lil bit and agree with Bokuto

Study!Dates!

Jus trying to help Bokuto with his calculus homework and anything else

Bokuto def gets really slouchy and whiney during really long study sessions so he's usually leaning on either you or Akaashi as he asks if you can take a break soon

Eventually you both cave and end up sitting on someone's bed, talking about upcoming events and watching videos

THEY ARE YOUR NUMBER ONE SUPPORTERS

You do theatre? They're always at opening night. Doesn't matter if you're acting, a stage hand, or a stage manager.

You do speech and debate? Akaashi will help you prep while Bokuto, despite being a tiny bit confused, will cheer you on.

You also play volleyball? Trust me, no matter your position, they're always constantly helping you improve and are at every game they can attend.

You do a different sport like softball, baseball, swimming, etc.? They're at any match they can go too. Literally Akaashi has to ask Bokuto to quiet down bc he's cheering really loud and getting stares from those passive aggressive family members.

Even if you don't do an extra curricular activity, but just have something you're really passionate about, they love to hear about you ramble on about it and love it when you show them what you've made.

Speaking of love... the first "I love you"

Surprise! Akaashi actually said it first

You were spending the night over at Bokuto's house and he was fast asleep, but you and Akaashi were quietly talking about whatever came to mind

Then he just takes your hand in his and says:

"You know, I'm really happy that you decided to be our partner. I love you, y/n."

You just smiled and said: "I'm glad I did too. And I also love you."

Then with Bokuto... it was a little different

You and him were having a one on one date, riding around on his bike through the park

He just smiled at you and shouted:

"I LOVE YOU A LOT!!"

So, to match his vibe, you yelled it right back to him

Despite being only meer centimeters apart

Post!Timeskip Time :)

Being sandwiched between them during the night is elite- top tier!

But you also switch it up

Sometimes Bokuto is in the middle and that usually happens when he comes home from away games

Sometimes Akaashi is in the middle and that usually happens when he had a stressful day at work

So,, the hypothetical marriage situation:

If you don't wanna get married, they're totally fine with it. Marriage is overrated anyhow 🤷🏻‍♀️

BUT

If you do wanna get married,, they're 100% for it!! Then it kinda falls under three hypothetical scenarios:

1: You just get your marriage license and have a small party. No ceremony. But just some nice extra time with your boys.

2: Small wedding. Just family and really close friends as you get married in your backyard.

3: A big ceremony! Yeah, we're talking about a big wedding. (It's three people getting married to each other,, it's gonna be a large turn out.)

Then the whole last name debacle. This goes on for a few days, let's be honest here.

If you wanna keep your last name, they're coming up with different ideas like: taking your last name, hyphenating it with either Bokuto or Akaashi, etc. etc.

If you don't want to keep your last name, then there's: taking either last name, hyphenating their's, etc.

There's also the discussion of everyone keeping their own last name,, can't forget that.

It's a confusing process.

Then there's also the talk of children

If you don't want kids, fine! Kids aren't a necessity to relationships ((deadass,, why do people think that everyone needs kids???))

And if you do, then whoop!! Kids

I don't wanna dive into kids,, but like you can imagine whatever y'all do

A n y h o w

I feel like Bokuto and Akaashi would adopt dogs and cats from shelters

Bokuto would definitely own a mug that says something about loving his pets

Two cats and a dog

That's your animal family

Im done with the animal thing, hang on

Cats wise: One is a grey and white tabby and maine coon mix, you and Akaashi like to call her Koutaro Jr. and the other is a Calico who Bokuto affectionately calls Baby

Dog wise: a pit bull who is nothing more than an oversized lap dog. His name? Spike.

One time, Bokuto invited over Atsumu, Hinata, and Sakusa over for a group dinner for fun, ya know?

They show up right? Y'all are chillin; Baby is perched behind Hinata and Koutaro Jr. is vibin' in Bokuto's lap (Atsumu is cackling at how you named her, and how "yes, Bo! She does look like a bit like you!")

Then in trots Spike

He trots over and nuzzles his way between Sakusa's legs and rests his head on his thigh

"This is Spike, right?" -Sakusa

"Mmhm.. are you-" -Akaashi

"Such a sweet little thing." -Sakusa

He *almost* doesn't mind the pet hair clinging to his pants

Anyway

It's a mostly happy and healthy relationship (bc lets be honest, fights can and have happened, but you got through it)

Tagging: @yamaguchi-stan

[pfreadsandwrites]

Kakashi NSFW Alphabet

18+ CONTENT AHEAD - NO MINORS - ANY MINORS CAUGHT INTERACTING WITH THIS POST WILL BE BLOCKED

Okay, attempt 2 - That’ll teach me to try ever posting from the mobile app. This is a rewrite from scratch and I’m way too tired to reread and see if it makes sense or if there are typos, it’s probably not a good thing this is longer than the original though.

No one asked for this, no one at all, and I know everyone’s done these but hey, it’s Kinktober, and you can never have too many Kakashi headcanons, right? Right? Right. I hope you enjoy these!! Goes without saying that these’ll be smutty. It’s also about 6.4k words. There is some real filth ahead, very nsfw, seriously, the thirst is so real. (I hate myself), so, this is 18+ only!

Also, I'm tagging @allthingskakashi​ because she asked me to (i really hope these aren’t disappointing)

Side note: This is all written from the view of an established relationship. I can kinda remember most of what I said, so these will be still be very long despite being a rewrite from scratch. Apologies for any rambles and tangents I might go on, since I was rewriting this, my brain got weird and tired, but I wanna take you through my thoughts. I’m also very concerned about keeping things in character and not self-indulgent/self-projecting of what the writer’s personally into so I won’t be doing that here... You’ll see what I mean as I go on. But I still wanna make it hot so i’ll try lol. I’m new to writing but I’m even newer to writing dirty stuff so i’ll try my best. And with this post goes my dignity

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Straight after sex is one of the rare times where Kakashi feels completely at ease and relaxed. He’s pensive, often quietly mulling over what you two have just been doing and trying to come to grips with it, his hands gently running through your hair or along your back. He’s probably at his most affectionate here too. Expect gentle, lazy caresses, little kisses here and there, soft, easy conversation. He might not always be the most talkative, but post-coitus is where you’ll most likely hear him say something earnest and romantic compared to other times. You’ve gotta understand, you’re a miracle, and you being in his arms is like heaven, but he can’t really believe it? But he’s also overwhelmed and tired to let it bother him too much, so he’s able to let his doubt and restraints go a little easier and just breathe. He feels safe, he feels at home and that’s a rare thing, so he’s really just happy to bask in the afterglow and the quietude of it all. It’s the safest, easiest thing in the world for the both of you.

If he’s been on the rougher side, he’ll definitely make sure you’re alright and be more gentle in comparison. and he’s generally more attentive than usual. He’s usually nice about cleaning you up, too, a gentleman lmao.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Kakashi quite likes his upper body, or his torso more generally. He’s lean and broad, but not in an overbearing or obvious way, and he really likes the reaction he gets when you actually do get to see him shirtless. He’s also a little sensitive on his back (and he doesn’t mind if you end up scratching it). But if you rub his shoulders or massage his back or chest, he’s putty in your hands.

When it comes to a partner? So the fandom seems to be consistent in thinking of Kakashi as an ass man, and I’m inclined to agree. He just loves to grab it, slap it, just look at it tbh or whatever, but even if you don’t think your ass is that great, there’s very high probability that he does anyway. But honestly I think he’d have a hard time picking a favourite part of your body.

Some other body parts he definitely loves that don’t get mentioned though: he just loves your waist and how it curves in and out into your hips. He’s mesmerised by it.

plz imagine Kakashi’s nice big hands running gently running along your waist while he thrusts into you deep and slow, your back arching and then they settle on your hips?

Also, he loooooves legs, how they feel wrapped around him, the soft thighs omg. When you wear stockings or heels or other things that accentuate them, ahajhfkaj have mercy on him. Also, wrists and ankles? They’re so pretty and delicate he’ll just grab them where he can. If you both are in some kinda position where he can, he’ll definitely give you lil ankle kisses. also wear an anklet to see him blush

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

So uh, I’m really doing this, huh?

Soooo hear me out. Kakashi’s diet is impeccable. I don’t take criticism here lmao, it’s been mentioned multiple times how much he hates deep fried stuff and sweets (yeah yeah he’s one of those weirdoes that enjoys healthy food most, Kakashi we get it) and he’s always feeding Naruto veggies (or trying to). My point? His cum would taste good, okay? Or at least, not strong or bad at all, very neutral if not good. (You have zero problems swallowing)

Also, he cums a pretty good amount. He tends to try and hold back his orgasm so when he does come it does build up. Coming inside you is his favourite, just the intimacy of it, of filling you like that.

But…. he’s pretty ashamed of it at first, but he does love coming on his partner. Whether it’s on your face (ughhhh when you lick up some of his cum around your mouth after a blowjob), or your breasts, or your back, or wherever tbh. He doesn’t know whether it’s the visuals, the eroticism of it or even a territorial aspect? He doesn’t wanna ponder it too much it’s just hot okay.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

So this one was hard… because, unpopular opinion, I don't see him as into anything too crazy or depraved?

But here’s what I came up with: he’s totally fucked in the Hokage’s office. It’s only a dirty secret because of how improper that is, how inappropriate it is that the man in charge of the whole village is having sex in the very epicentre of where he’s supposed to be doing that, when other Hokage have been in that room before him… but it’s also why he’s into it.

Also, he’ll die before he ever admits to you exactly how many times he’s jerked off to the thought of you. And after you got together into a pair of your panties when you were away and he missed you too much

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Short version: Kakashi’s not as experienced as you might think, but this doesn’t translate into lack of skill in any way.

The long version: Ahhh so I go back on forth on this but I’ma attempt to think this through here. Okay, so, fandom has generally two sides when it comes to Kakashi and this topic. He’s either the completely suave, smooth ladies’ man who has all the one night stands or on account of his issues he’s a passive, stuttering virgin who’s constantly flustered.

Neither of these are that accurate. So I do get ladies man Kakashi to a point. It comes from the fact that he is quite smooth? And women do seem to like him quite easily in the series. And Kakashi definitely has the capacity to be a charmer, and is quite good at flirting when his job requires it or it’s a stranger etc. He’s good at reading people and winning them over. This is more complicated when he’s faced with someone he’s attracted to, or that has the potential to mean something to him. He still might be charming, but he’s very good at using this to keep you further from him, so you can’t really get to know him or get close to him so it’s not quite the same. It’s his way of controlling the distance between you.

Now, when it comes to experience, I don’t think Kakashi’s incapable of using casual sex as some kind of a coping mechanism (it’s not the healthiest), but if he was going to do this, it’d be during the latter part of his ANBU years. I can see him having sex as just a means to forget and remember he’s alive, and quell an urge, with basically faceless partners, or maybe complete strangers on missions. This does make him feel even lonelier after a while though, and it’s not really what he wants. Eventually having sex with women he’ll never see again serves to make him more miserable, and I think by the time we see him at the beginning of the series he doesn’t really do this anymore. So I wouldn’t say he’s completely inexperienced sexually at least, though he definitely is romantically.

Generally after that, Kakashi’s gonna reserve sex for someone who he has a deep emotional and physical connection with, but God forbid he ever calls it what it is - a relationship. Basically, if he’s sleeping with you, he pretty much loves you whether he knows it or not. And if he’s comparing that to his past experiences, he really feels the difference and cherishes it all the more (but it still scares him and he won’t admit it to himself.

So here’s how I see it. There’s always been a sexual chemistry between him and you, and a physical and romantic attraction. But of course Kakashi is Kakashi so he does absolutely nothing about it and doesn’t want to let you do anything about it. Still, you’re surprisingly persistent, and you do become close to each other in a friendly capacity, in whatever way Kakashi’s able to participate in that. Eventually, ( I haven’t thought this through quite yet) you do end up fucking and Kakashi tries to convince himself that he can just do that, that he can keep up having great sex with a great friend and that you don’t mean the world to him. You try to do the same, for his benefit, but you’re in deep and neither of you can’t deny there’s a bond and your connection is so strong that you’re basically in a relationship - and you kinda are by the time you start having sex - but he doesn’t really have the balls to actually call it that till after the 4th shinobi war. (I have some thoughts about how the war impacted Kakashi’s psychology but it’s generally then when he’ll genuinely feel comfortable enough to fully commit himself to you and see a future for himself, which he’s never really had before, and a future with you to boot).

To bring it back to this (I’m sorry what a fucking tangent), Kakashi’s maybe not had sex with a large amount of women, but he’s a quick learner and has natural skill. He also learns your body and what you like quickly. So whilst he’s not as experienced as he seems, he’s definitely more skilled than he has any right to be.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

When it comes to positions there’s very little he wouldn’t enjoy tbh. He does have an affinity for positions like doggy style, just the visuals and the power it gives him. It’s easy for him to get a bit carried away though, but that’s his go to when he’s feeling rougher.

When it’s more romantic and slow and sensual, he also loves variations of missionary, because he loves the intimacy of the eye contact, and how your body is so close he can hear your heartbeat but his absolute favourite positions are missionary variations where your legs are on his shoulders, or where he’s spreading your thighs as perpendicular as possible and really testing your flexibility are probably his favourite cuz legs, and he can go even deeper and get an amazing angle.

But he definitely likes it when you ride him too, whether you’re facing him or away, it just feels too good when you’re bouncing on him like that. Also it’s nice to relax a bit and not have to do more of the work… plz take care of him from time to time…

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He definitely has the capacity to be a fucking dork, as we know, and this has the potential to translate to his sex life. It’s a sign of complete ease if he can laugh and joke with you during, and he loves to have fun and play around with you, but at the same time, he does prefer to be serious most of the time. This means a lot to him and he’ll make sure you know that. He’s also gonna get a bit exasperated if you don’t seem to be taking it as seriously as him, or if you’re too into jokes and giggles for his liking that day. Probably will try and shut you up one way or another.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

(Ughh okay so the idea of Kakashi with a silver happy trail leading to a messy shockwave of hair down there really does things to me okay, I’m sorry, I’ll see myself out)

Okay so… Have you seen how Kakashi manages his hair? Spoiler alert: he doesn’t. I don’t even know if this man owns a hairbrush. So I can definitely see him not being assed about shaving his bush. It’s probably kind of wild, or at the very least more on the unkempt side.

But then again he’s assed enough to keep his face clean shaven so he can wear his mask, so maybe he does, like I do head canon that he’s a very clean person and he probably feels like it is a *bit* cleaner that way but I’m leaning towards nah he just leaves it alone, but will trim it from time to time when it gets too wild or if it bothers you. I do think he probably has slightly more body hair than you’d expect tbh, but his hair is so light especially against his complexion so it’s not really noticeable. Oh and obviously, the carpet matches the drapes. (Idk why this made me imagine Kakashi with a ginger bush..  LMAO there’s a thought)

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

It does depend on the mood between you, what kinda day he’s had, what position you’re in etc but he places a lot of value on sex in your relationship, for the intimacy and emotional bonding, not just the physical pleasure. So there are a lot of times where he’d be super intimate. Kakashi’s a man who chooses his words and actions very carefully in normal life and during sex he allows himself to let all that go. His actions really convey the depth of what you mean to him, what being with you like this means to him. He’ll hold you close to him, running his hands all over your body just to feel you everywhere, kiss you everywhere you can whilst he moves, bury his face into your neck, breathe you in - he just is very overwhelmed by this and there are times during your most intimate moments where he’s so in awe and so happy that he could die right there.

That being said, if he’s fucking you over his desk in the hokage’s office and it’s rough and fast, it’s a little harder to feel the intimacy and the romantic connection. Still, it is underlying every moment between you too. You’re the only ones that see these sides of each other, and make each other feel that way, and he really values that. He’ll still make it feel tender somehow and not just mindless fucking (no matter how blank he makes your head feel)

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

I don’t see him as being a particularly frequent masturbator tbh. He strikes me as disciplined and he can probably go a while without it, especially if he’s busy, but more than just that, he kinda sees it as an inconvenience he just has to do sometimes? To blow off some steam, or when he’s not had sex in a while or something got his mind racing and it’s a distraction because he literally can’t think about anything else. He’ll probably use his books, but he prefers to use his imagination tbh, though the books can start as a seed for that.

He also doesn’t like having to put too much effort into jerking himself off? He doesn’t like to overcomplicate things when it comes to his sex life, and especially when it’s just jacking off.

He just kinda wants to get it done so he can move on to something more productive or fall asleep or something. So he’s just happy to pump himself off until he gets there.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Okay here’s where I’m gonna lose some of you.

Kakashi’s just not that kinky. Or maybe not kinky by tumblr/fic standards. Like I said in the previous head canon, he just does not see the appeal of making his sex life more complicated than it needs to be and his kinks aren’t gonna be too crazy. He just wants to feel good with you and he’s not that difficult to get going. With that in mind, here are some things he likes:

Spanking ;)

Teasing

Face-fucking

Dirty Talk (to a point, anything too stupid sounding or too dirty might make him laugh or take him out of it…)

clothed sex (where you are so horny for each other you can’t even wait to get undressed properly)

semi-public sex (he would hate the idea of actually being seen but the idea of *almost* being caught is kinda hot to him, not that he’ll ever let that happen if he can help it),

body worship (is that a kink)

LIGHT dom (I’ll mention it more later but he’s not too extreme into this stuff, but if you call him Hokage-sama or captain he might get a little too into it… not that that’s bad) I heard someone call him general during the war arc and that shit SENT me

he maaaay do a a threesome with shadow clones (either two of his if you want that, but two of you seem kinda hot… that being said, this might delve into that ‘making things too complicated’ so Idk, this might just be hot to me cuz I would like two Kakashis to rail me and I do think he’d enjoy it if two of you focused on him),

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

The bed is fine but that’s really what he associates with either morning sex, or romantic, intimate lovemaking type stuff. When it’s more raunchy and playful, he really likes bending you over stuff tbh, his desk, kitchen counter etc most surfaces work well. He likes the shower too. Also, one time you both were just so hot for each other and didn’t make it to the bed and went at it on the hard floor and it was so wild and rough.

But he really loves fucking you up against walls, doors, mirrors, etc, Wall is his favourite, it’s just so intense and he gets animalistic and yeah it’s so good.

WAIT, how did I forget, sex in front of the mirror?! This is something he enjoys more with a more flustered or shy s/o who’s not used to looking at themselves. I have been thinking about writing something for this

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Kakashi’s more on the traditional side in terms of what he likes but it’s really not that hard to turn him on. He loooooveeees when you wear lingerie for him, anything pretty and lacy but also stockings and all that. But then there’s something about when it’s simplistic too, like when you’re just wearing his shirt and nothing else? That’ll get him going too. But yeah, plz surprise him with a sexy outfit when he comes home from a long day of work and he’ll love you 5ever.

I dunno why I’ve always thought this, but I also think he’s turned on by subtle, understated signs of femininity? It’s just such a contrast to what he’s used to and he really appreciates it and is just mesmerised by you tbh. It’s things that are natural, the way when you sit down your hips get that crease where they meet your thighs, you might sometimes look down when you smile softly, the way you walk, pretty hair. If you have a really classical, elegant/sophisticated kind of style he loves that. Kinda hard to explain what I mean with that but like, say a dress or skirt that shows off your curves but isn’t too revealing? It really gets his mind racing. That make sense? (No worries if that’s not your style either, like I say, it’s not that hard to turn him on) But I also think he kinda likes when you wear jewellery? Like nothing too ostentatious but if you’re naked beneath him and the only thing you’re wearing is a necklace or some fancy earrings he just thinks you look so beautiful.

He also likes the comfortable, gentle teasing and flirting in the conversations you have, the jovial aspect to them, the connotations they carry. You could say one comment and not mean a whole lot by it and it might get his mind racing. He’ll think about you all day.

I mentioned before but offering to massage his back/chest/shoulders is his favourite, and if you kiss his jawline or neck even innocently it might not be innocent for very long ;) just when you’re generally affectionate and gentle with him.

He’d definitely enjoy it if you were confident, but I also feel like he’d like a shyer s/o too? If you were a little easier to fluster than he is, he finds it much easier to be confident and make you feel that much better ;) he likes making you blush.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Okay, here’s where I’m definitely gonna lose some of you. But hang with me.

Short version: He doesn’t really like BDSM, be nice to him and let him be

Long version (I’m sorry guys):

By the time Kakashi’s in a loving relationship with you, he’s shown you his vulnerability and he trusts you, and he’s happy to try things within reason, but he has boundaries. And he expects you to respect them, just like he respects yours. You’re gonna frustrate him and make him close off if you’re wanting to push him to try new stuff or go out of his comfort zone. He can be set in his ways. If he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t want to. So if that’s not cool for you, that’s a turn-off.

He’s not into role-reversal. This is a tricky one to explain (and I’d explained it better in my first version of this that got lost to the void but alas this is where my memory is getting hazy), but though he’s a man with a lot of power and responsibility and control, these things aren’t necessarily things he’s insecure about or that come unnaturally to him. They’re not a persona or things he’s necessarily putting a lot of effort into being. He just is. He’s self-aware of his own abilities and strengths and he’s very a-matter-of-fact about them. I guess what I’m saying is, the more masculine attributes of his personality and demeanour that make some people say he’s DaddyAF and others say he’s probably not like that sexually, are just who he is naturally. He’s not putting effort into being these things and does not see the appeal of working to reverse this in the bedroom, or better yet, doesn’t really understand it. It’s way more effort for him to do that than it is for him to just be who he is. I could go way more into the psychology of this but this thing is long enough already but part of that accepting him for who he is is just letting him be. I’m saying he’s in no way a sub, basically.

But he’s not a huge dom, either. He’s actually really not into anything hardcore when it comes to dom/sub or bdsm stuff like at all. Like he’s not gonna be your daddy or your master or anything like that. He really values ease above all else and is happy to just enjoy the two of you and your body without adding extra layers of extreme power dynamics and kinks on top of it. He’s happy to be more on the authoritative side, which is why I say light dom, and it’s more natural for him to take the lead, but he’s not thinking about it too hard. I also don’t think he’d be averse to some mild power play - in that mean he likes it when you get a little cheeky, tease him, you can make fun of him, there’s a bit of cat and mouse between you, but if you’re too much into control or power that actually might bring out his rougher dominant side a bit more than normal. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not incapable of lying back and letting you do your thing.

…But he is still a bit of a control freak at heart and he doesn’t want to feel like something could go wrong, so if you make him feel like he can’t do anything about the situation or having no control at all is likely gonna be a bad experience for him.The other thing is that Kakashi doesn’t feel like he’s had control over his life where it counts, and he still feels pretty shitty about himself a lot. He’s not gonna wanna relinquish all control during his sex life, no matter how much he trusts you. He’d hate feeling completely passive, and if you humiliate him you’re just gonna make him feel shitty. He doesn’t wanna humiliate you either. So what I’m saying is, he’s just not into femdom or extreme male sub stuff or anything like that, sorry not sorry. He’s felt shitty enough in his life for you to turn it into a kink. He’s a pretty chill guy, but he still has his comfort zone, and he trusts you enough to be vulnerable, don’t take advantage of that. Be kind to Kakashi Hatake 2020.

With everything I’ve said so far, he’s never gonna let you peg him. It’s not something that really appeals to him visually or psychologically, plus any kind of receiving anal stimulation is just not really his thing. Leave Kakashi Hatake’s asshole alone 2020. Also, he doesn’t like the plastic/artificialness of toys in general, he’d much rather genuine skin on skin contact and feeling your body and you his, and just yeah you having to use toys on him will turn him off or seeing you in a way, that’s you know, not you, with an artificial appendage is just, a big no for him. Probably has the exact opposite effect you’d want. 

He’d also never wanna hurt you, or be into you hurting him. If it doesn’t trigger his PTSD or his tendency to self-loathe like all the other things I mentioned, he’s been getting hurt his whole life so he’s likely not gonna enjoy this in the bedroom, it’s either banal to him or a complete turn-off at the least. He’s self-aware enough to know it’s not gonna be the healthiest thing for him to sexualise it. He’s also hurt too many people to do something that could potentially hurt you, so no weapons, ninja techniques, things like that. I don’t think he’d even be into choking you. He just wants to relax, and enjoy himself and being with you in a way where he can feel safe, but not passive, and he loves having a partner that can allow him to do that.

So a partner being too dominant to the point of making him feel shitty and weak would be a turn-off, or just generally one that’s impatient or unkind. You’ll need to be empathetic and warm to get anywhere with him anyway, or at least you’ll struggle otherwise. Also, he wouldn’t ever want a threesome. It’s taken so much out of him to build up trust and intimacy between you, he’s sure that introducing another person, even if it’s only a one time thing, would ruin it. He also doesn’t want anyone other than you to see him in that way, or vice versa.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

So I don’t know why but I feel like Kakashi sees eating you out as such a special, intimate act? It’s a big deal, and this is something he probably wouldn’t do with someone he doesn’t have a strong connection to, or not as much. But when he does love you, your responses and the whole act are just mesmerising to him. Maybe it’s how vulnerable delicate you seem, how your moans are more gentle and delicate compared to when he’s fucking you, how he’s up and close against your most private parts, how he’s the only one that sees you like this… It really gets him going tbh, but it also takes a lot out of him? It just ends up meaning more to him than a blowjob might mean to you. So he might actually end up receiving more than he gives, despite the fact that he enjoys it and is very good at it. I don’t mind I’ll suck his dick 25/8

Like most men, he’ll be putty in your hands if you give him a good blowjob. It’s one of those things that never cease to amaze him or drive him crazy, no matter how many times you’ve done it, the sight of you on your knees, sucking him down. He’ll feel guilty but he face-fucks you sometimes, and it feels amazing, but he honestly might let himself get carried away. So he’ll sometimes grab your hair or clench his fist instead, otherwise he’ll just try to gently guide your ahead along sometimes. His moans during blowjobs are also damn hot as well. Like guttural groans and moans, he’s louder than normal.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Depends with Kakashi! Whether it’s a quickie, the position, where you’re doing it. He has a penchant for slow and sensual though. He wants to savour you, the sensation, the moment, the sights, everything. He really wants to bask in the intimacy of what’s going on and go as deep as he can and take his time. He likes taking it easy.

But there’s always gonna be moments where he can be pretty damn animalistic and rough and he’s pretty good with that too. Though, where he has the time to do so, he likes to build up to it? Occasionally he’ll be too pent up/frustrated or too short on time to really do it but like if time and space allows he doesn’t wanna start ramming into you like right away, he wants you to adjust, and will slowly fuck you until you’re really want it as crazily as he does.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He likes a good quickie, or rather, they’re his only option sometimes. He’s a busy guy who can’t always plan his schedule, and this goes tenfold when he becomes Hokage. So whilst his favourite will also be something longer where he can take his time and enjoy your body, you’re gonna have to accept that there will be periods where all you’ll get is quickies in his office, or in the morning before he has to leave.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

So despite all that stuff I listed about all the things he won’t do, he’s willing to try a lot of stuff with you. He does enjoy experimenting and he thinks it’s fun and brings you guys closer together, but within reason. He doesn’t wanna do anything too complicated or too strange by his standards, but he’ll be up for new locations, new positions, and he is risky in the sense that he won’t mind doing some stuff in public, or semi-public at least.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

So it’s definitely better when he doesn’t have his sharingan constantly sapping his energy anymore, but not to the point that you really noticed there being a problem before. He just puts a lot of effort and concentration into not cumming before you, and he’s pretty good at that. Depending on how pent up he is, he can last a decent amount of time. But if he has lasted quite a long time, when he finally does cum, he might not be in the mood to go again.

I see him going for like, one short round and one long one. Or if it’s shorter his recovery time’s pretty decent. But if you get ever happen to get three or more rounds of him in one go you should definitely praise him or take care of him cuz that’s pretty difficult and his dick might be broken for the next few days.

The only time his ability to hold back his orgasm goes to shit is when you’re having his way with him by riding him or sucking him off. You’re just too good have mercy on him But he’s better able to control that stuff and slow down and take breaks when he needs to when he’s the one leading things.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Nah, this harkens back to the whole thing about him not wanting to overcomplicate things and just have fun without thinking too much. He can’t be assed with toys and won’t use them on himself. I also mentioned earlier that he doesn’t like the fakeness/artificiality of toys, just the gimmicky-ness of it, the plastics... Nah. He wants to feel something real. Besides it’s canon how crazy this man’s physical skill is, his hands, his fingers… He’s completely satisfied with just his hands. And you are too

If it means a lot to you, he can use toys on you. But let’s be honest I really don’t think you’ll feel the need.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Kakashi is a little shit, we all know this. He loves to tease and edge, and he just loves seeing how frustrated you get, your scolding, knowing that you still can’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to do, your annoyed little whines and huffs… But he always more than makes up for it later.

He is so bad at receiving teasing though, he cannot withstand as much as you can, which is lame, considering how much he can put you through.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He’s not that loud, though there are times he can be. When he’s getting close to cumming, when he finally does are probably his loudest. But generally, his noises are so so nice. He makes soft little grunts and pants mostly, but he’ll growl and groan, whisper your name.. But sometimes you can get a semi-loud moan out of hiim and omg it’s so so hot.

He’s a little louder when he’s tired, or first thing in the morning? He’s more sensitive. When he’s not having to concentrate so much or think too much about what’s going on, he’ll get a little louder. He’s also louder when you’re riding him than in other positions.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

You know what I’ve gone in so deep with this head canons that I can’t think of a random one and I can’t remember what I wrote yesterday.

So Kakashi really appreciates just physical contact with you, wherever it might be. It doesn’t necessarily need to be sexual either but it makes him feel at ease. I said this already too, but Kakashi loves the comfort of just being vanilla. Nothing special, nothing elaborate, no gimmicks, just him on top of you, with your legs around his hips, as he drives into you. It’s literally just you and him in the world and that’s all there needs to be and nothing’s ever felt more right than that.  

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

It’s canon Kakashi is big need I say more. Okay I’ll say more. So it’s pretty long and thick. It’s not like monster huge but he’ll definitely take some adjusting. Probs uncut, and the same girth all the way down. Also kinda veiny, there’s some big ones on the underside. You’ll definitely feel him throb inside you.  But his body is nice too, but we been knowing that. He’s lean, and muscular, but in an understated way. He also has really nice legs? Like his thighs are good. The only time I saw his legs was in ep 101 of og Naruto but I was very pleased tbh. Like they’re well-trained but not crazy muscular like those men who work out a lot get… do you know what I mean? The round calves and stuff? He doesn’t have that. He also has a very nice ass. Gets flustered if you stare at it or slap it. Please do though his reaction is so cute.

Anyways, back to his dick, the colour is slightly darker than the rest of his body and the tip a tad darker than that. I remember seeing a picture on twitter and omg I couldn’t like it cuz I need some semblance of keeping my twitter professional but omg I saved the link, this is it though, the artist gets him perfectly.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

It’s high but nothing ridiculous. He’s controlled enough where he can go a while without it, but this is harder once he has a partner.

Once you guys have settled into each other and grown comfortable, he’s probably up for it 3-4 times a week, but depends on you and both of your schedules too. Sometimes it’s more, sometimes less.  But he’s a busy guy and has tons of things going on so as much as he’d like to, he can’t think about having sex extremely frequently. He’s also gonna have periods where he physically can’t see you that much, so the times you do see each other might be spent having sex so it might feel like it’s crazy high, but it’s more that he’s making up for lost time.

As he gets older his sex drive does decrease slightly, but not by much tbh. He’s very adaptable to your needs too. If you wanna fuck a lot that’s all great but if it’s like twice a day every day then calm down dang you might need to satisfy yourself. But if yours is a lot lower than is, he might struggle, but eh, he can manage.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Sex definitely depletes him and makes it easy to sleep, but he’ll normally wait for you to fall asleep. It’s a control thing and a protective thing, but he just feels a lot better about sleeping once you’re already there dozing off in his arms, and after sex is one of the rare times where he feels relaxed enough and his mind is empty enough where he can get a good night’s rest without any issues.  

[japannkenn]

(Luca) Summer Heat (rated M) (unpublished/random pieces that I wrote)

Luca doesn’t like children, which is weird, because he technically is one? (He hadn’t been eighteen for that long, and things still felt the same) He does feel bad about it. He’d dealt with them over his years of study in Genova which was always a hassle, but it wasn’t his fault.

He didn’t know why he was intimidated by a couple of adolescents, just on the brink of consciousness of the world around them. Not old enough to worry about things bigger than how fast they can eat their gelato before it melted in the summertime heat.

He guesses he’s one to talk. Even if it’s been three years, he doesn’t feel like he knows anything. He may not be much better than these kids. He doesn’t know who he is. He thought he did. He thought he was starting to figure it out.

That’s why it’s so shocking to see how second nature Alberto is around a band of rowdy twelve year olds in the water, teaching them how to swim. And maybe they weren’t rowdy—just much too much for Luca to handle. He can’t believe how patient he is, how he humors their antics and how easy it is for him.

And he can’t believe how good he looks in that tiny red Bagnino tank top, iridescent purple scales shimmering in the sunlight, practically calling him.

Luca knew this was going to happen, so he brought a book to look down at if Alberto happened to turn back and steal a glance, lest he be caught staring. Because that would be the end of the world considering some of the things they’d done already.

There was a squiggly, fine line to their relationship.

And besides, he wasn’t good with kids. But it was fun to watch anyway. It doesn’t mean he didn’t feel bad.

“Va bene,” Luca hears him laugh from the water, a young girl looking up at him with a red tinge to her cheeks that definitely wasn’t from the setting sun. “If you can hold your breath for ten seconds, I’ll buy you another gelato.”

“Really? And I can pick the flavor?” Her eyes sparkle.

Alberto pauses comically. “No, no. I still get to pick the flavor,” his voice is giggly, and Luca’s heart wants to burst with affection and love.

“Hey! Non è giusto, you have to buy me one too!” A little boy pops up from under the water, eyebrows furrowed up at Alberto.

“Twenty seconds, then?”

“See that one right there?” He points to the same ragazza that he promised a gelato after he’d come back on the shore for a short break, sitting down beside Luca in the sand.

“Uh-huh,” he watches her as she makes a show of back stroking, glancing curiously at Alberto.

“She’s got a massive crush on me.”

Luca scoffs, rolling his eyes. “Ah, I bet that gets your ego nice and excited doesn’t it?”

“Oh yeah,” he jokes, unwrapping an energy bar from his bag. He takes a bite, a quiet moment passes by and Luca awkwardly looks back down at his book. “Nah. I’m just wondering what I did to make her see me that way.” He says idly.

Luca chews his lip anxiously, incredulous. He starts to wonder if this was a trap. What was Alberto trying to do to him?

Whatever it was, it was working.

The Vespa was surprisingly still in commission, ready for a summer of rides down The Downhill, through the narrow roads, twists and turns to the piazza.

But Luca preferred Giulia’s bike whenever he could if she wasn’t using it. But he’d never admit it out loud that the reason he likes pedaling instead is because he thinks it’ll help him become more like Alberto. Physically, anyways. He was quite jealous, really, in this delicious, sensual way.

Actually, he thinks he’d tell Alberto the reason, if only he would ask. He wishes he would ask. He probably never would, because it was almost like he already knew.

“Don’t you wanna ride your fancy Vespa instead? Why do you need my bike?” Giulia even asks one day, putting Luca on the spot as he’s hopping on for a twenty minute cycle around the piazza.

“Let him use it. He needs the exercise,” Alberto says coolly from the porch, Machiavelli slung helplessly over his shoulder as he’s bringing him back inside from a bath.

Luca’s heart drops, his face burning red.

It’s almost annoying how bold Alberto is about it. No, it definitely is annoying. And Luca is tired of being constantly envious of his ever growing muscles. “Everyone’s bodies are different, you know?”

Luca glares at him. He’s trying to wash the dishes and not even Alberto was a fun distraction anymore. Just plain annoying. Stupid, dumb Alberto. “Haha,” he sulks.

“What works for me may not work for you,” he shrugs, scratching at his chin and appraising Luca’s body for a moment. What’s worse is that Luca can feel it, each little thought in his mind. What’s even worse is that in a matter of days, he’d become so self conscious about something he hadn’t ever thought about for more than five minutes.

Sure, he’d done his fair share of comparing himself to people, and especially Alberto. But he’d always had a summer fixation, whether that was a good or bad thing depended. It was always Alberto. And it wasn’t always good.

“If you’re really that worried about it, I can help you.”

Luca pauses, squeezing the sudsy dish sponge in his scaly hand. His first thought is to be defensive about it, and he is, but it’s a much lighter approach when he says with a little chuckle for good measure, “I’m not that worried about it.”

“But you are,” Alberto outsmarts him in that easy breezy way, winning another point for the Fluster Luca game. “Just a little. Right?”

When he turns to glare at his asshole of a friend again, he’s got that grin on his face, like he’d proven something, caught Luca in another lie the same way he could when they were fourteen, knowing and unbothered. It’s annoying.

Grumbling, he forces his attention back to vigorously scrubbing some dried alfredo off of a dinner plate. “I could give you training lessons. Just me and you.”

To keep from short circuiting, Luca laughs again, awkwardly.

Training started at eight in the morning the next day, on the beach. Alberto says they need open space to promote a healthy work environment, but Luca just feels put on the spot. He relied on the fact that Portorosso was a sleepy town, and it was unlikely that anyone would be awake this early. Besides the pescheria. Which is probably eighty percent of this town’s population.

Carp.

“Like this?” He asks breathlessly, trying to keep in tune with a swift jog in place, his entire body burning for all of the wrong reasons, not that he feels his ten-pack forming, but he can tell Alberto is watching him. Hard.

Alberto hums, scratching his chin. “No.”

***

Ferragosto this year is when he platonically-maybe-not-so-romantically falls in love with Alberto and Giulia all over again. They’ve got her old radio blasting the anthem of summer’64, il gatto e la volpe, and Luca can’t explain how excited he is to hear it again.

Fireworks burst over the astounding view from The Downhill. They’re finally old enough (well, excluding Giulia, but two legal adults were enough) to be out on their own under the influence of at least two glasses of wine.

It wasn’t that much, but Luca can’t help how giggly he feels, throwing his head back to sing, “Noi scopriamo talenti e non sbagliamo mai,” at the top of his lungs, delighted when Giulia takes the next verse.

“Noi sapremo sfruttare le tue qualità!” Her voice is shaky and cracks unexpectedly, but to Luca, it’s like music to his ears. Another firework rockets to the sky, bursting loudly.

“Dacci solo quattro monete e ti iscriviamo al concorso,” Alberto sings next, stumbling over the words and his voice is incredibly off key, but Luca beams at him, suddenly wanting to cry.

“Per la celebrità!” They all sing together, bursting into a fit of uncontrollable giggles.

He never wants this to end. He wishes this bottle of wine were bottomless, so that the three of them could lay here in the grass forever underneath the inky black sky, lit up by colorful explosions, wiggling his toes freely in the wet grass, his two favorite people in the entire world right by his side, just like every summer.

But it’s going to end. It always did. That was the reality of it, and he always faced it. But just for a little longer, he could enjoy it knowing there was always next year. For now, he could be irresponsible and enjoy this. A little longer.

He reaches over, turning the radio up to the highest volume, cheering loudly over it.

Lui è il gatto ed io la volpe, stiamo in società

Di noi ti puoi fidar,

di noi ti puoi fidare,

di noi ti puoi fidar

There’s plenty of places to makeout in Portorosso, but somehow they’d ended up behind the house because—oh, now he remembered—it’s almost time for dinner, and they wanted to be back before sundown.

Admittedly, Luca was disappointed that nothing intense had happened on their little day trip to Isola del Mare, and to him it was a waste. He never did well with mixed feelings, and he couldn’t help not being talkative on the walk back to the Marcovaldo household.

If Alberto asked, he’d just say he was tired. Which wasn’t exactly a lie, just not the whole truth— because, merda, the swim there and back really isn’t a cakewalk or anything. He felt near exhaustion, leaning slightly against Alberto as they stumbled down the narrow road, street lamps lighting the dusk night.

He doesn’t know what kind of person he’s becoming, but it most definitely isn’t practical.

He stumbles to trail along when Alberto unexpectedly yanks him behind the dark alley-like space between their house and a neighbor’s and Luca groans confusedly because he’s already a little frustrated with Alberto, even if it’s childish and petty.

“What are you—,” A flame ignites like an explosion in his chest when Alberto roughly slams him against the concrete wall by the shoulders, sucking in a deep breath when he feels his chest pressing firmly against his. “Why—,”

All Alberto does is laugh, and Luca would punch the stupid grin off of his face if he could see it in this light. “What’s that you said earlier? Sono felice? If that’s true then why haven’t you said anything since?”

Luca grumbles. “I’m just tired.”

“Uh-huh, right,” he says knowingly, releasing his tight grip on Luca’s shoulders to drop one arm by his side, the other hand planted firmly on the wall by his head instead. It makes Luca feel worse (better? He doesn’t know), the choice to leave or stay looming over him like a playful tease. “You’re upset I didn’t put my hand down your pants earlier, aren’t you?”

“Don’t make fun of me.” Luca’s face heats up and he makes a weird noise of repulsion. “It’s stupid of me, I know,”

“I’ll tell you what…”

Sometimes or more often than not this summer, he doesn’t recognize himself as a top student in Genova, or a loyal son who herded goatfish for most of his life. It’s weird feeling different and thinking about himself like this. And Alberto, his dear friend who showed him this new world above the surface, is now his lover, a little more than just a friend, all and everything in between, and he’s different.

It’s strange.

This was certainly… unexpected.

When they finally come inside right in time for dinner, they’re skittish, and Giulia gives them a look that’s definitely more knowing than confused, but she’s uninformed nonetheless, and Luca can’t help but giggle. He feels like a brat.

He accidentally bumps into Massimo, rustling away from Alberto’s tight grip on his arm. He mumbles a quick mi scusi, sitting down in his seat. “Lo giuro, ragazzi,” Giulia grumbles exasperatedly, setting down cups of water around the table.

Luca steals a glance at Alberto as he picks up his cup for a sip, darting his eyes away quickly when they make eye contact.

“Ragazzi.” Signor Marcovaldo says sternly, and Luca and Alberto flinch. “Help set the table.”

“Certo, certo, sorry about that, papà,” Alberto rushes to the counter, leaning over to take two plates at a time. He sets them on the table, getting the last two. Right as Luca decides he should get up and help too, Alberto is on his way back to the table and they narrowly miss stumbling into each other, Luca letting out a strained little chuckle as they stare stupidly at each other.

Giulia clears her throat loudly, arms crossed.

Luca and Alberto immediately look at her, breaking out into awkward laughs.

“What is it with you two? Veramente,” she takes a seat beside Alberto after he finishes setting down the plates. Luca is next to stand beside Massimo at the counter, grabbing silverware. He can feel his heavy gaze burning holes through his head as he quickly rinses them in the sink, and if he just hurried then—!

“Luca.” Massimo grumbles. Luca flinches again, willing himself to look up at the man towering above him.

“Si?”

“Calmati.”

Luca shivers, drying the forks quickly in a towel. “Oh, sì, scusa,” he rushes back to the table, giving everyone their silverware before shakily taking his seat again. He catches Alberto staring at him again, and he slightly raises his eyebrows like asking stai bene, and Luca nods quickly.

“For dessert, it’s tiramisu,” Signor Marcovaldo says as he sits down, and Alberto’s eyes light up and he gasps excitedly. “For that, you have Giulietta to thank.”

Alberto frowns. Giulia grins smugly at him, and Luca lets out his first real laugh of tonight. “Ah, come on. Can tonight get any worse?” Alberto groans half heartedly, absentmindedly twirling some pasta onto his fork.

“Sure it can. I helped strain the noodles,” Giulia jokes, her mouth full.

“Oh, is that why you’re feeling so tipo tosto tonight?”

“Of course. It’s more than you ever help out around here.”

[apoguecalledjj]

You’re Safe With Me

Summary: After being in an unhealthy relationship with Rafe, you find it hard to recover in a healthy relationship with JJ.

Word count: 1959

Pairing: JJ x reader

TW: Talk of an abusive relationship, implications of sexual assault. Please, contact someone or reach out for help if you are experiencing either of these things and do not read further if this is something that may trigger you. If I’ve forgotten any triggers, please don’t hesitate to let me know.

Requested: No

Before dating JJ, you had been in quite an unhealthy relationship with Rafe Cameron. It took a huge toll on you, and you were still recovering from it. JJ knew this and was always extremely gentle and careful with you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You stared at yourself in the mirror, not sure if the dress was okay for your date. It was pretty, but it was slightly low cut and shorter then what you would normally wear.

You turned around to pick another dress from the closet, but noticed JJ stood in the doorway, eyeing you up and down. "Damn." He said, his eyes coming up again to meet yours.

"I'm so sorry baby I was just about to change, I know it's too revealing I would nev-"

JJ walked across the room and cut you off with a kiss. "God, angel, no. Please wear this dress. It's not too revealing." He stepped back to take you in again. Pressing a quick kiss to your forehead, he continued. "You're beautiful, angel. Plus I don't care what you wear. You can always wear whatever you want, I trust you and that's all that matters."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You smiled down at your phone, Kiara had just sent you a meme that you thought was super funny. JJ glanced up from where he was sat across from you. "Whatcha smiling at?"

Your heart dropped. He was gonna get mad, you knew it, he was going to think you were cheating on him and break up with him.

Tears started to well in your eyes as you locked the phone and put it down. "It was just Kiara I swear JJ. She sent me something funny. I'd never cheat on you." You started to slightly shake.

JJ rushed across the room to sit by you. "Y/N." He grabbed your hand. "I know you'd never cheat. I believe you. Please don't cry." He pulled you into his arms and held you as you slowly began to sob.

"I'm so sorry I'm like this," You choked out. "It's just that Rafe used to get so mad and I don't want to let you down."

"Hey!" JJ pulled back to look you in the eyes. "I'm not Rafe. Okay? I'm not him. And what he did to you, that's not okay. That shouldn't be your normal. You shouldn't be used to it. I'm never going to hurt you like he did, angel. I'm never going to hurt you."

He pulled you down on the couch, and you fell asleep there next to him, listening to his heartbeat as he played with your hair.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The six of you were sat around, just laughing and enjoying the beautiful weather. Sarah was sat on John B's lap, laughing at something he said, and Kiara was laid across the couch with her head in Pope's lap.

JJ started to bring his hand up towards your face, and you flinched on instinct. From the look on his face, you could tell he had noticed, you just hoped the others hadn't.

Looking at Sarah and John B, you could tell by their faces they had. "I fucking hate my brother." She said, her knuckles turning white from how hard she was gripping the chair.

Pope looked up from where he was playing with Kie's hair. "What happened?"

JJ stood up quickly and reached his hand out to you. "Nothing." He glanced at you, guessing that you wouldn't want everyone to know. "We're going for a walk, be back in a bit."

He grabbed your hand as you fiddled with the sleeves of his grey sweatshirt that you were wearing. You were only just out of the gang's side when he stopped you and turned you to face him.

"Y/N, did Rafe hit you?"

You sighed. You had told JJ that your relationship with Rafe was unhealthy and controlling, but you had never gone into the details, especially not the physical aspect.

JJ didn't need an answer, he could tell by the look on your face. "Fucking hell, I'm gonna kill that fucking kook." He was getting angrier the more he thought about it.

"Babe." You said shakily. "Please calm down. Just hug me. Please."

JJ pulled you in close to him, and you inhaled his scent that you loved. "I'm sorry angel. I didn't mean to scare you. I just hate the thought of you being hurt." He kissed the top of your head. "But you're okay now. I will never, ever, ever lay my hands on you. I promise."

You two staying like that for a while, just swaying back and forth on the beach. JJ made you feel safe, and that was all that mattered in the world.

You guys slowly made your way back to the group. “Are you okay?” Sarah asked as soon as you sat back down.

“Yeah I’m okay.” You looked around, everyone’s eyes were on you. JJ squeezed your hand. “Rafe wasn’t a great boyfriend, and it’s taking me a while to get over it.”

“You’re gonna be okay, Y/N.” Pope smiled at you. “We’re all here for you, and no one’s gonna hurt you.”

You smiled at him. “Thanks, Pope. I appreciate it. Now can we stop talking about it? I just want to enjoy today.”

JJ wrapped his arms around you. “Hey Kie!” He called out. “I want my joint back!” Everything was back to normal, and you smiled and leaned back into JJ.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey babe?" You looked up from your phone at JJ. You were slowly becoming more and more comfortable in your relationship. "Is it okay if I go surfing with Sarah and Kie?"

He looked up at you, but before he even got a chance to respond you continued. "It'll just be us girls, and if any guys show up I promise to leave."

He chuckled and shook his head. "You don't need my permission angel. Of course you can go with the girls."

You stood up, smiling. You should have known JJ wouldn't care, but you still found the need to check with him just to make sure. So he wouldn't have a reason to get mad at you.

You opened your drawer, looking for a bikini to wear. JJ came up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist. "Wear that one." He pointed at a yellow one.

"It's a bit revealing." You bit your lip. You had bought that bikini a while ago, but Rafe had never let you wear it.

"Wear it. Bet you'll look hot in it." He murmured into your ear.

You went to the bathroom and quickly put on the bikini. You liked it, but you were scared about how JJ would react.

"Damn. I was right!" JJ smirked as you walked out. "You look good angel." He followed you to the door, and you grabbed one of his t-shirts on the way to throw on over top.

Before you left, he kissed you, pulling you in tight. "Have fun. I love you."

"I love you more than anything." You whispered back. And you really did.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

JJ leaned down over you, gently biting on your lip as he made out with you. Your breathing quickened, and you struggled to kiss him back.

You guys had slept together before, but you weren't in the mood tonight. It was obvious he was though, and you didn't want to stop him.

JJ could tell something was up though and pulled away. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." You tried to smile, but you knew it looked forced.

JJ moved to lie down next to you, and turned you so you were facing him. "No you're not. What's wrong?"

You couldn't look him in the eyes. "I'm not in the mood... But it's okay. I know you are. Let's just keep going."

JJ gave you a weird look as you leaned forward to continue kissing him. "No angel." He pulled back. "If you're not in the mood we stop."

"But you are, and it's my job to help you." You muttered, still not able to look him in the eyes.

He looked at you in confusion. "Is that what Rafe said?" All you could do was nod, and he sighed. "That's not true Y/N. You're here because I love you, not so you can get me off. And you should never have to do anything you don't want to. I would never force you. I've said it before and I'll keep saying it until the day I die, you are safe with me angel."

He pulled you in close and you snuggled into his chest. This relationship was different than anything you had known before, it was healthy and loving. You were happy, and you could finally relax.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were finally comfortable in your relationship with JJ, and that just made him more loving than ever. He was constantly kissing you and telling you how much he loved you.

You guys were currently sat on John B’s porch, joking around and laughing. Everyone was there, and you felt truly happy. Sarah, Kiara, and Pope were tossing around a rock, John B was laid on the floor, and JJ was next to you, smoking a joint with his arm lazily hung over your shoulder.

You brought a hand up to shield your eyes, glancing towards the beach. It looked like someone was walking up towards the house, which was weird because everyone that usually came to John B’s was here.

“Hey John B, are you expecting someone?” He sat up and shook his head. 

JJ looked up from playing with his lighter. “Oh fuck that’s Rafe.” He stood up. “Y/N, get in the house.”

You tried to protest, but Sarah and Kiara had already rushed over and pushed you inside. “I just wanna fucking talk to her!” You heard Rafe yell.

You tried to turn but Kie grabbed you. Tears were brimming in your eyes and you could hear the guys yelling. “He’s gonna hurt JJ!” You sobbed out, but the girls wouldn’t let you leave. Sarah held you tight as you struggled, panicking and sobbing as you heard more and more bangs from outside.

Only a couple minutes later, JJ burst through the door, John B and Pope not far behind. His lip was bleeding and Pope was beginning to get a black eye, but you couldn’t see any other injuries.

You were still sobbing as he started to yell. “That fucking kook! One these days I’m gonna kill him, and I won’t regret it I swear...” He only stopped once John B turned him to face you. 

“Oh fuck.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Oh, angel I’m so sorry. We got rid of him, I promise. He won’t be trying to bother you anymore.” You stood up from Sarah and pulled him into a hug, still shaking a bit. 

You reached up to wipe the blood from his lip. “He hurt you.” You whispered. 

“Oh it’s okay. You should have seen him.” He looked down at you, eyes full of concern, your eyes still filled with tears.

“I hope he doesn’t come back.” You whispered. You hadn’t seen Rafe for months, and seeing him had hit you harder than you expected. Everything had come rushing back to you, and you couldn’t help but worry he was going to come back. 

“You’re safe with me,” JJ said, noticing your tears and holding you tighter. He could tell you were still nervous.

“You’re safe with us, Y/N.” John B added, and before you knew it you were engulfed in a group hug. An amazing boyfriend, and an amazing group of friends. You knew you were finally safe, and you smiled into JJ’s chest.