#I was a 2-3 on the pain scale by the end of week 1 and footloose and fancy free by the time I hit a month

[sergle]

thank you so much for posting abt your experience with getting reduction, because it’s made it a lot less scary of a concept to me. i have a lot of paid and discomfort caused by my chest but surgery of any kind is terrifying to me- seeing your joy and honesty about your reduction gives me a lot of hope for my own future. thank you for sharing :)

I'm glad it's relieving some of your anxiety about it!!! tbh I was shot back in time knowing what I know now, I'd go into surgery again feeling a lot more confident. If I knew that the healing would be so manageable, I coulda saved myself a lot of stress LMAO

[gutterprophet]

A 10-point chronic pain scale:

0 - Theoretical, unimaginable, and fundamentally unattainable to the living. Heaven or perfection. The transcendental state of immateriality one reaches when pain is so severe the soul separates from the body and floats away to watch it convulse from across the room. The honeyed caress of God. As a teenager I used to press lit cigarettes against my forearm and endure until the hot ember killed all the nerve endings, so that the small circle of burned skin no longer registered pain and never would again. Fantasized about drenching myself in gasoline and burning everything, until there were no living nerves left. The end goal of this fantasy is a zero on the pain scale.

1 - Just as fantastically unattainable as zero, but play-acting at pragmatics. Feels less like theory and more like being mocked. The sensation of digging my fingernails into my palm to briefly pull my attention away from a numerically larger pain elsewhere in the body.

2 - This is the number I say to the emergency room triage nurse when she asks about chronic pain unrelated to the current medical emergency and I am afraid that if I answer honestly she will write me off as drug-seeking. Two is a non-answer. Two is "don't worry about it, that's not important right now."

3 - A pain scale infographic on the wall in the emergency room describes a three as "Noticeable pain. It may distract you, but you can get used to it." This is less than useless. This describes all pain. It might be more precise to specify how long the adjustment period lasts before you no longer find pain distracting. A hangnail-- seconds or less. A dislocated shoulder-- weeks, initially, but with enough repetition, only as long as it takes to suck in a breath and twist it back into place. This is where any pain scale falls apart. Pain becomes practice, practice becomes routine, routine becomes background noise. It still hurts.

4 - Four is the standard baseline of a good day. At a four, I can hold things with my hands and walk on my legs. I am free to indulge in earthly delights: washing dishes, checking the mail, folding laundry. Every pair of socks I don't drop is a little joy. I make it through the whole hamper. I limp through the garden. At a four, no one needs to know I am in pain. By sunset I am exhausted but the morning is made of endless possibilities.

5 - At a five, pain seeps into my dreams while I sleep. Not nightmares, necessarily, but I spend the whole thing distracted, tugging at the sword I dream is inexplicably stuck in my shoulder like some Arthurian legend. Important dream-plot happens around me but I miss half the exposition and zone out through the whole mystic prophecy. I can't keep my hands off that damn sword. The oracle is so offended that she kicks me out of the castle and I sit down in the mud outside and fiddle with my hilt, no goddamn clue what I'm supposed to do now. When I wake my jaw hurts from clenching my teeth all night.

6 - The body is a wet bag of raw meat and sharp objects. I drop things a lot. Against my will, I cry out when the car hits a bump and sharp pain lances through my spine. It's hard to eat. My sentences trail off halfway as thoughts evaporate off my tongue.

7 - Seven is the immediate aftermath of a botched surgery. Seven is the ICU nurse offering me a little paper cup of tramadol and me shaking too badly to take it. Seven is touch me and I'll scream. My friends stop wanting to drive me anywhere because my crying in the car distresses them. My sentences are short and staccato, four words or less, and I still lose the thread of them halfway through. I can't understand what's being said to me. I can't hold on to anything. I can't bear to sit alone with the pain but I can't do anything to distract from it, can't hold a pencil, can't hold a conversation, can't hold my eyes on the TV. My whole body trembles. My teeth chatter. Cold sweat soaks through my shirt. My spine is a row of kitchen knives. I grit my teeth and endure. Seven is the upper limit of normal. I know I can handle this. "Take courage, my heart, you are a soldier and you have seen worse sights than this." Eventually, either the pain will subside, or I will get used to it. It ends or it doesn't. There are only two possibilities. No apocalypse either way. A person can get used to anything. It ends or it doesn't. Pain becomes practice becomes routine becomes background noise. It still hurts.

8 - I stop caring that anyone is horrified by my sobbing. I stop seeing through my eyes. I want the world to be small and dark and quiet. I want to unmake the universe. I hate the big bang. Thinking of the noise it must have made makes me furious. The noise of an ambulance siren makes me furious. I am incoherent. I no longer remember or care that it ends or it doesn't. There is no moment but this one. I tell strangers in scrubs that I want to die. I don't know why. Later I will only remember confused bursts of sensory information, and none of them are pain. Light, sound, texture. Smooth orange plastic of a stretcher in the back of an ambulance. IV bag swinging as we take a sharp turn. My revolving ceiling fan. Blood and vomit. Blanket. I don't know how to store the memory of this pain. It is too big to fit inside me. It enters wholly and leaves wholly. Every time it happens it feels like something I have never felt before. It is the very first time over and over and over. My previous statements were false; I cannot get used to this. I am shocked every time. I cannot remember it. I cannot comprehend.

9 - Nine is the cigarette and gasoline burning down through layers of skin and fat and bone. I forget about my distress and ascend into desperate hilarity. I only have to endure for a few more moments, until--

10 - I stop feeling anything. I am a glowing psychopomp bathed in the theoretical, unimaginable, and fundamentally unattainable to the living. There is no more body. It doesn't respond. I'm glowing to have shucked it. I melt into the honeyed caress of God.

[untitledinstinct]

I'm sorry that I need to ask. I'm at the end of my rope...

I'm not proud of needing to ask. There's just no other option for me to get this help. I need access to the world again...

My agoraphobia is so limiting.

Agoraphobia: frequently believed to be fear of outside, when it's fear of being trapped in a situation, away from safety.

It's feeling almost like you're being hunted any time you go outside.

I need my own transportation. I need an ebike/scooter.

This helps me actually get to, and from the places I need to be, with less of that fear.

About 80% of the times I can't go out is because I can't work up the courage to take the bus, anxiety making me sick to my stomach.

[[[Edit: this is not because of my size, this is due to fibromyalgia, and severe agoraphobia, that's connected to cptsd.

I have monitored and tracked my pain on a 1-10 scale for over 3 years now, about about 3 or 4 times a week, because I wanted to monitor this specifically - there has been no correlation between my chronic pain, and my weight gain. At all.

I monitor anxiety, and depression as well, to try and find trends, and keep an eye on things since I have issues with dissociation, and lose track of time frequently.]]]

I need this as a way to get more independence, and less delivery charges (primarily on groceries).

This helps me actually get to, and from the places I need to be, with less of that fear.

I left the house less than 30 times in 2 years, because I couldn't just get there on my own.

Normally people do that in about a month... 2 years.

I want my independence back.

I need access to the world.

Being on disability this kind of thing is never going to be available to me on my own.

This I would have for many years, and my father is a mechanic, so after warranty, I have the ability to get anything fixed up.

This also cuts my bus cost to least than 1/3rd the cost for many

Trips out.

Where as the bus being over 3 times the cost, just one way, of one trip.

The landlord is reno-ing the driveway, and adding a shed at the back of it, and because my unit is smallest, I get dibs on it.

So I'll have somewhere safe to store it.

I just want access to the world.

[secret-smut-sideblog]

Chokehold

Ascended Astarion x F! Tav

18+ angst, regret, longing, tenderness, comfort, complicated feelings, self doubt/hatred, dubcon, rawness, needy astarion, fingering (f!), dry humping, pants cumming (m!)

Escaping him again, Tav finds solace and safety in an old friend in Lower City. If only it was that easy to escape the Ascendant's desire...

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

-

"Oh Gods," She moaned.

Eyes opening, aching from the previous night.

She winced, the tight puncture marks on her neck pulling.

"Oh Gods..." She buried her face into the pillow and let out a frustrated scream.

It hadn't been a dream. She was back in it. The walls of the Elfsong a cruel reminder.

She gave herself a moment to indulge the tempest, beating her fist into the mattress.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

Took a few shaky breaths.

But now she must think.

Too many lines of thought assaulted her.

Why did he drink from her with such need? He was free of the hunger. Why did it seem like he was starving?

Why did he leave her to stay here? He could have taken her away. Compelled her, even. Why had he agreed to go?

Why did he... transform like that? They had shared a bed many times since his Ascension and he had always remained the same. In control. What was that?

She shook her pounding head as the one question, the real question, rose to the top.

Why didn't he kill her?

She had betrayed him to the utmost degree. Depriving him of his consort. Of her.

Wondered if she had gone through with the change, would he have more control over her?

Surely.

Would he be less obsessive if she was his spawn? His vampiric bride?

Possibly.

Would he scoff at her escape and pull her back to him with ease?

Most definitely.

He always needed control now, and she had given him as little as she could get away with. She could see it gnaw away at him over time. At his cruelest, he would punish her for weeks on end, trying to break her. Submit. But she would never fold.

Her upbringing had warded her spirit to a great deal of pain. She could endure indefinitely, if needed.

She unconsciously traced the thin scars circling her wrist. On rainy days, she could still feel the bite of wire.

Pulling her lower lip in thought.

She could circle the drain of her endless dilemma later. She needed a plan.

Closing her eyes.

Okay.

She needed to get out of the Elfsong, preferably unseen. And she needed help.

Though she was loathe to pull another of her companions into this, her greatest strength would always be those bonds. His endless pursuit to isolate her had proven that tenfold.

Gods below, if everyone wasn't strewn across Faerun. She needed someone in Baldurs Gate.

If Wyll wasn't with Karlach in Avernus he would be the perfect option. The son of the Duke, in his own castle. His protection would be invaluable.

Think, Tav.

Her eyes opened.

Wait.

Rushing to the window. Yes, she could just make out the head of the statue.

Suddenly buzzing with adrenaline, she rang for the dumb waiter.

"Ugh, what?"

"It's Tav, tell Alan I'm calling in that favor he offered."

Gripping the cracks of brick in fingertips, threading between the vines holding, she cursed herself. Scaling up the side of the Elfsong in grunts of effort.

Stupid, stupid.

Her anger feeding her strength.

Thank the Gods she had been training herself with Shadowheart or she would be broken on the cobblestones.

She leapt up and got a hold on the lip of the roof. Legs dangling out then pulling in, arcing out and twisting up. Catching her heel on the gutter and rolling with gasping breaths on the morning warmed shingles.

Blinking away the endless sky.

What had Karlach said when she watched her scale an oak tree?

"Gods, soldier. If you were anymore of a daredevil I would've hunted you in Avernus."

Tav laughed quietly to herself, patting her bicep twice. Gotta make her girl proud.

She rose to knees, orienting herself. The high wind whipping her hair as she circled with her eyes.

Yes, she could just see the edge of the roof. It would have to do.

"Please let this work." She whispered to herself. Pulling the scroll of Dimension Door from her waistband.

Standing she felt a shingle wiggle under her foot then slip away. Catching herself she gave it a withering look.

Setting her sights, she took a deep breath.

Shouting the incantation, she felt a great pull from behind her spine, and the air broke around her with a crack.

Only doing this with Gale bracing her in the past, she buckled forward when her body crashed back into the world.

Landing with a loud scrambling thud on the roof of the Elerrathin Manor.

"Mom, there's someone on the house!"

Clean hair damp from her bath and swaddled in fresh clothes, Tav sat curled into a plush corner, taking in Jaheira's surprisingly cozy office. Her bloodstained nightgown being tended to, though she insisted there was no need.

The druid worked quietly at her desk. Tav had stepped in, and she had gestured to her kindly to make herself comfortable. "I'll be just a moment."

"No rush." Tav pulled her legs tucked under her. She felt safe here, no easy feat. Beyond the Selune outpost, she could think of very few places where that was possible.

"There. I'll send this with a raven to our Shadowheart." She folded the letter with sure fingers, handing it to a messenger rat that scampered away in determination.

Tav let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you. I've been worrying myself sick about leaving her in the dark."

Jaheira turned in her chair, giving Tav her full attention.

"Why are you back, cub?"

The underlying question hanging in the air.

Why did you willingly walk into the vipers den?

She bowed her head in shame. Picking at the edge of her leggings.

"Hubris? Hope?" Shook her head. "Definitely stupidity."

"A need for closure is not stupidity." Jaheira sighed knowingly. "The way you could go about it on the other hand..."

Tav laughed, tired and embarrassed, but safe.

"Gods, I don't know. I dont think people like us get closure. It was a terrible idea, Shadowheart said so herself. I just-" She leaned her head back, closing her eyes. "I don't want to live in fear. I have lived so much of my life under a knife, I want some breathing room for once."

Jaheira nodded. "You deserve peace. And I will do everything in my power to assist in that. I have already sent word to The Guild, The Harper's, and pulled some strings with the Duke. You will be protected from all sides. You can walk through our city freely."

She organized some papers on her desk and stood, offering out a hand. "And, if you'll allow me, I can give you the best protection I can offer. I will ward you from his harm." Winked, hitching her head over to an open letter on the desk, spinning with blue magic. "A little gift from our friend Gale. I sent for him as soon as Rion pulled you off of our roof."

Tav blinked, tears forming. "This is... so much more than I could ever hope for." A hitching sob caught in her throat. "Thank you."

She held her hand out and pressed her palm into hers.

Jaheira spoke, eyes alight, the air swirling with great pulsing light.

Tav could feel the magic infuse into her, unmistakably Gale's. A warm caress washing over, the smell of old books. A brief phantom hand stroking her cheek.

She smiled, the ends of her hair lifting. The last of the magic pulling in circles into her.

Hello, dear. Welcome back.

"Children, there will be more than enough time to bother her in the morning. Let our guest get some rest."

Little legs running circles around her, Tav smiled warmly. "Ah, I don't mind."

"Don't encourage them." Jaheira laughed, looking fondly but sternly at Fig. "Bed now, little guard."

"Aw, alright. But I'm sleeping outside the door!"

"You most certainly are not."

Tav laughed. "I don't know, I'd be a fool to turn down more protection."

Jaheira pressed her palm on Fig's head, leading her away. "And yet, little guardians are in need of their rest. Off with you now. You too, Jhessem."

The small girl that had been peeking behind the corner squeaked and retreated into her bedroom.

"You certainly have your hands full." Tav mused as the hallway emptied. "Are you sure I'm not going to be a burden?"

"Never." Jaheira reached out and squeezed her hand. Hers warm and calloused. "Now you get some rest too." Spoken in that same stern tone she had used with her children, a sparkle of playfulness in her eyes.

"Ah, okay. You've twisted my arm." Tav mock sighed. Giving her hand one grateful weighted squeeze before releasing.

"Enjoy some safety, you've earned it." Jaheira hushed as she turned away.

Tav closed the door to the spare bedroom behind her. Barely contained tears rolling to the surface.

She curled into a ball on the floor. Letting it wash over her. Hitching sobs wrenching her throat. The tidal wave finally having its way.

Gods, she was so filled with hope it stung her heart. The feelings of grief, exhaustion, wonder, protection, all threading together. A rope that had been tied to her throat now wound tight around her fist.

Even after all of this time, they rallied around her. Her heart bursting with their strength. She was indebted to them all.

-

He crouched on the lip of her new hideaway. There you are, my treasure.

The sweet heady call of her blood, still pulsing through him, leading him here.

One of his many new gifts, he could sense her as long as she coursed through him. Her blood had always bewitched him. Even if hadn't been searching for her, he mused that the river of her would have sung him back regardless.

Eyes scanning the outside of the ledge for traps he was shocked to find the window unlatched.

Tav was not stupid, if anything she was infuriatingly clever. Outfoxing him twice now the proof of that. He was loathe to admit that the only reason he had found her so quickly was the bloodcall.

He slipped inside, quiet as death. Moved on silence to her bedside.

She was curled on her side, breathing softly. Her sweet face relaxed, pouted lips slightly open. Those doe eyes moving back and forth under her lids. Dreaming.

A shot of possession cracked through him. He needed her back.

He reached forward and tried to scoop under her legs and back but felt a bite of magic, pain arcing across his skull. His hands compelled to release.

A familiar voice: You may not have her.

Fucking Gale.

He snarled in frustration. Why do they all insist on interfering in his affairs. This was his consort, his should-be bride. His.

She settled back down into the sheets but leaned into him as he pulled away. Sighing in her sleep.

"Astarion,"

He almost answered, kneeling down. His face inches from hers. Fingers caressing her cheek, her neck. Watching her face, rapturous.

Her eyebrows pulled together in pleasure, lips parting. A sweet little breath leaving her.

He hummed low in his throat, a fierce elation rocking through him.

It had been years since she had reacted to his touch like this. All soft pleading, calling him to her. He could not deny her.

He climbed carefully onto the bed, distributing his weight evenly. Straddled over her, hand still raking feather light desire across her skin.

"Astarion," She moaned quietly. Arching up to meet his touch.

"Yes, my darling," He cooed to her sleeping words. Pulling the blanket away slowly, leaning down and kissing her collarbone. Hand cupping her breast with a low moan. Slotting between her legs.

She sighed, words hushed and barely formed, but he could make it out. "I missed you."

A lightning strike of need and grief struck him.

She had too much power over him, that was the problem. He had every intention of making her happy in the beginning. Loathefully desperate for her to stay, he had offered her everything. Finery, food, any lavish thing she set her sights on. And his linchpin, immortality. To make her his vampiric bride.

But she only smiled at him. Her bewitched fingers running along his arm. "I don't know if I'm ready for that. I just got my life back, Starlight. Let me have a little living before I decide."

Oh, how he had pushed, prodded, enticed. Eventually demanded, berated, bled. He tried to break her, but she had never given in. The panicked screaming at the lack of control in his head aside, he respected her for it. He would have ruined her.

Well, ruined her more.

He softly circled his thumb over her wrist. The scars he had left there sneering at him.

Look what you did. You deserve this.

His old voice in his head again.

You aren't worthy of her.

He clenched down his jaw.

You're disgusting. Treating her like that.

He shook his head. He did what he felt he needed to do. Right?

Her hand reaching for his face broke his hateful trance.

He leaned down into her searching fingers. His eyes closing in quiet bliss when he met her touch.

Her soft fingers stroking his face was a spellbinding balm. He pushed his face further into her, sighing.

Going without tenderness from her for so long, he felt drunk. His whole body swirling with heady pleasure.

He leaned down, eyes lidded heavy with lust. Gently pulling her nightgown down along the collar. Leaving heated kisses along her clavicle.

She moaned, a high intoxicating call.

Oh Gods, he needed her.

He snaked his hand under the covers, her blanket warmed thighs a sacred domain. Still unbearably soft, lamb's ear made flesh.

His eyes hitched back as he met her center. Fingers trailing over her curls to slide back into his home. A velvet wetness meeting him, coating his fingertips.

He leaned his head down into her chest, already overcome. Rutting his hard cock into her hip in slow rapturous thrusts.

He slowly pushed his two fingers in, her body arching up. Her small whimper wrapping around his head in dizzy circles.

Her sleeping form capable of no scrutiny he felt no need to perform. His walls falling.

"Tav," He moaned, pumping his fingers into her endless warmth. Thumb pushing devotion in circles against her clit.

Gods she was too beautiful, it made his chest ache to look at her when she was like this.

Softly mewling, her labored breath a heady miasma pulling him down.

He leaned down to her neck, fangs grazing along her pulse point. Felt a warning crackle of magic.

Gods damn it.

If he didn't have her blood in him, he felt empty. He needed that connection to her.

He relented, leaving a needful kiss along the two pinprick scars he had pushed into her long ago. Feeling a snarl of pride for those, at least. Anyone can look upon her and see this mark of him imprinted in her body.

His fingers curled up in that way he remembered she liked, got the immediate reward of her hips squirming. A short gasp that moved into a pleading moan.

His eyes glazed over, mouth hanging open against her chest. Precum leaking into his trousers. His head nothing but circling waves of desire.

Gods he felt like an animal on all fours, controlled by its heat.

Only she could make him come undone like this.

Only she could pull this from him.

Please stay asleep a little longer. He thought to her, though he knew they no longer shared a tadpole.

I need you. I need you to want me again.

His desire too great for anymore subtle movements, he arced his hips down and ground his erection into the mattress. Whimpering in the back of his throat.

He pulsed his fingers in as controlled a ministration as he could manage, feeling his end approaching hot on his heels.

He leaned up into her ear, watching the rhythmic arches of her body in rapturous greed.

"Come for me, darling." He breathed into her, nipping at her lobe.

She shuddered under him, head falling back. Her neck opening up to him, a flower unfurling in the sun. Her cunt gripped his fingers in vicious pulses, pulling him further into her. That hauntingly beautiful face straining in release.

He gasped in quick choppy breaths, biting back a moan as his pelvis contracted, a deep shudder pulling through him, spurting long pulses inside his finery. Eyes rolling into the back of his skull, gripping into the sheets next to her head. His newly beating heart thumping against the back of his chest.

She murmured something softly and turned on her side, cradling his head into her chest. Hooking her legs around his in an intimate tangle.

Part of his head screamed at him to pull away, but he was helplessly pulled down. Eyes closing with shameful tears threatening.

How long had it been since she had held him?

He buried his face in her. Breathing her in like the last gulp of air before a tide pull.

He knew he couldn't stay, if she awoke the spell would be broken. She would turn him away, that spear of contempt in her eyes. Or worse, the flat deadness that overtook her when he pushed too far, an opaque distant glaze over her doe eyes.

You've really broken her, haven't you? Just like Cazador broke us.

"Shut up." He hissed under his breath.

He carefully maneuvered out of her embrace with an annoyed huff. He was being ridiculous. There was a way to break this spell and he would find it.

Then she would be his again. Finally. Take her back to the place where she belonged.

He allowed himself one last look at her, bristling at himself at the brief spike of longing he felt, before he pulled up into the night air. Twisting into the moonlight, back to the Crimson Castle.

He had research to do.

~

Part 6

[devilry-revelry]

Untitled - Male Orc x Female Human (Part 2)

[Part 1] - [Part 3]

More Fluff.

-

Arzok’s name was embellished with two heart emojis, one on either side of his name. When she looked back up at him, he was smiling ear to ear, only turning away to hop back on his bike. 

-

One of the biggest strains on Riley’s relationship with her parents was Riley’s complete lack of husband, and her moderate to severe disinterest in having children. When Riley had her first serious relationship her parents pushed for a wedding, and they pushed for children. When they ended up with neither they practically mourned over their loss. Their disappointment stuck with Riley for a long time. 

Dating became a means to an end, and Riley ended up dating a handful of men who would take her where she thought she wanted to be; married with children. They all ended for one reason or another; lasting from a handful of weeks to a year. The last relationship was, in a word, catastrophic. Riley would have never thought that someone who looked so safe on paper would leave her feeling so scared, and uncomfortable...

Which made meeting Arzok such a peculiarity as the orc already proved himself formidable and dangerous, and yet in his company she felt perfectly safe and at ease. As a virtual stranger, Arzok essentially had Riley pinned against the bathroom counter. After everything that had happened within the past 20 minutes it would be perfectly reasonable to be distrustful. 

She wasn’t, though. Not one bit.

After agreeing to let Arzok take her home, Riley made quick work of cleaning him up. When they were finished the first aid kit was stashed back under the counter, and they took turns washing their hands. When Riley started to slide off the edge of the counter, Arzok settled one of his hands against her outer thigh to hold her in place. 

“You aren’t walking through this bar barefoot, sweetling.”

Riley shifted about for a moment, searching for her shoes. She found them on the counter behind her. 

“I’m sure I already caused a bit of a spectacle this evening on the way in. I’ll walk out.”

Riley put her shoes back on. Arzok let her hop down from the counter. The small heel brought pressure to the freshly bandaged cut and Riley barely suppressed a grimace. It wasn’t so painful that she couldn’t walk, but walking was most definitely going to make it worse. Arzok offered his arm, which she thankfully took, and together they ventured out of the bathroom. 

They were immediately met by the dragon who had been with Arzok outside. His attention was on a large phone which he held in his massive, clawed grasp. Up close, and in the right kind of lighting, Riley was able to notice the purple tinge to some of his black scales. 

“Hey, just wanted both of you to know that I already heard back from the police. Windowless vans are a dime a dozen in these parts, but one missing the driver’s side window and an orc-sized dent in the side should be a solid identifier in the event I got the plate wrong. Which I didn’t, for the record.” The dragon cut his yellow eyes towards Riley and said, “I didn’t have your information, so I gave them Arzok’s. They said they would be sending him whatever report details you might want. But maybe you can call them and explain what happened so our buddy here doesn’t get slapped with destruction of private property if it comes to it.”

Riley had expected his voice to sound like the bones of the earth, something rolling and brassy, harsh like a landslide  but it was a pleasant lilting tenor. With all of his leather clad biker gear, Riley couldn’t help but think how his voice didn’t seem to suit the vibe that radiated off of him. That’s what she got for judging a magick by their appearance (even if Arzok going warrior-mode on a vehicle absolutely fit the bill — it was his kindness afterward that was the real surprise). 

“Thank you,” Riley replied. “I really appreciate all the help.”

“This is Nox, by the way,” Arzok introduced.

The dragon nodded, then interrupted the motion. He suddenly looked bashful despite his non-human features. The way his lips curled to expose lethal fangs could have read more as a snarl if it wasn’t for the way his posture dipped and hunched forward.

“Oh, sorry— Nox.” He held out the hand that wasn’t holding the tablet-sized phone. Riley reached out and shook his hand, and marveled in the care he took to be gentle with her.

“Riley. Nice to meet you.”

Arzok and Nox spoke very briefly about their open tabs, and how Nox would cover the bill (“You can get me next time”), before Riley was escorted out of the bar, and back into the street. 

“Full disclosure,” Arzok said once they were outside. “I don’t have a human-sized helmet.”

Oh. Yeah. The motorcycles. Of course he would be riding one, why wouldn’t he? He led her towards a massive bike. It was matte black, with chrome details. The body was vintage in style, but built to withstand the weight and size of someone far bigger than a human. 

“So long as you’re careful with me, I think we’ll be okay.”

There was a low chuckle as he unlocked a hard shell storage compartment that hung off the back of the bike. 

“I’ll be plenty careful with you, sweetheart,” he said. He reached into the compartment and withdrew a leather jacket, which he held out to her. “C’mere. This is all I have for you this time.”

Riley stepped in towards him and Arzok helped her into the jacket. He was quick to roll up the cuffs so she had use of her hands. The leather was soft, supple, and well worn. It smelled like leather, and grease, and something bright but woodsy. It was also stupid heavy.

“This time, huh?” 

“Baby, if we’re going to be dating we’re going to have to get you a helmet. At least.” He said it without missing a beat. He secured the zippers and buttons then nodded his approval like the jacket didn’t go down to her knees. 

Riley snorted good naturedly, watching as Arzok threw one of his legs over the motorcycle and kicked the stand up. Once he was situated he turned and offered her a hand to help. There was a little bit of a scramble between the length of the jacket, her pencil skirt, and the height of the bike, but once she was in place she felt perfectly secure… until the bike roared to life and the entirety of her body started to vibrate with the force of the engine. 

When she tried to stay her distance and hold on to his waist, Arzok tugged her in closer. He first tugged her in by the crook of her legs, then grabbed her hands to guide her arms around him. He patted her hands, a wordless signal to keep them there, then he was shifting the bike into gear and driving away from the bar. It wasn’t like he took off speeding like a bat out of hell, but Riley had never been on a motorcycle. The first few moments of the new experience were unnerving. The ones that followed that were more exciting. She helped him navigate their way to her apartment, pointing directions over his shoulder. When Riley indicated that they were approaching her apartment Arzok cut the engine and they coasted down the block in silence.

Once the bike was safely parked against the curb, Arzok dropped the kickstand then got off the bike. He helped her off not a moment later, offering both of his hands to keep her steady and offer support.

“Thank you,” she said once she was on her feet. “For everything.” There was a gentle burn as heat started to gather in the apples of her cheeks. She was suddenly glad it was dark. 

“You think you’re getting away that easily?” He held out his hand, crooking the fingers in a ‘hand it over’ sort of motion. 

“I don’t have any money,” she said immediately, then kicked herself for it. Between work, the horror of the evening, and the god-awful hour, her brain was really firing on all cylinders. 

“Baby – your phone!” Arzok was laughing, a good hearty laugh that would have made Riley feel embarrassed if he didn’t look so boyish.  

Her phone was promptly fished out of her purse. She unlocked it, opened a fresh contact page, and passed it to him. Maybe if she didn’t shy away she could pretend it was an honest-to-god joke. Once Arzok came down from his laughter he focused his attention on the screen. The phone looked far too small in his hands, and Riley wondered if he would need her to add his information herself. 

Arzok lifted his eyes suddenly, his pointer finger poised over the screen. With a decisive tap he passed the phone back to her. Riley checked the screen. The first thing she noted was that it was past 1AM, the second was the contact entry. 

Arzok’s name was embellished with two heart emojis, one on either side of his name. When she looked back up at him, he was smiling ear to ear, only turning away to hop back on his bike. 

“Why do I feel like you’re going to be trouble?” She asked, offering a smile of her own. 

“Only the good kind. You’ll love it. Have a good night, Riley.”

There was a part of her that didn’t want this evening to end. It started terrible, but on its current course she was almost afraid to say goodbye. So she didn’t. Offering one last lingering glance, one last shy smile, Riley turned and moved up the stairs to her apartment lobby. 

Just as she reached the door, Arzok called out, “Riley.”

She turned back to look at him. 

“When you get inside, leave your lights off.”

Confused, Riley asked, “Why?”

Arzok shrugged his shoulders, hitting the kickstand. “If you leave them off, I won’t know where you live. Not exactly. Just in case you’re uncomfortable…” He paused a beat, then added, “Actually, you should leave them off for a bit, just in case.”

The thought struck her as infinitely considerate, and sweet, and then protective. Any onlooker would be able to know that she lived in the building, but if she kept the lights off her exact location within the building would remain a mystery to anyone loitering in the street. Riley wouldn’t have considered it, but Arzok offering it so plainly for her comfort, and then her protection, warmed her deeply. Riley smiled, nodded. 

“Goodnight, Arzok. Thank you.”

Once she was inside, the door shut behind her, she heard the thunderous blast of Arzok’s motorcycle starting. By the time she reached the elevator it was gone, having taken off down the road. It wasn’t until she was inside the elevator, on her way up to the 7th floor when Riley realized she was still draped in Arzok’s jacket. 

Riley imagined being bold, snapping a salacious selfie in the jacket, sending it to him with something like ‘I think you forgot something’, like she could have meant herself or the jacket. 

Instead she launched a quick, seemingly frantic, 

YOUR JACKET

She received no immediate reply. Didn’t expect to, either. She went about her dark apartment, prepping for bed. The jacket was hung up on a bundle of three hangers on the back of her closet door. Her clothes were discarded and she went and had a nice long shower. She redressed her foot, and was disappointed when she didn’t have a text by the time she crawled into bed. 

It wouldn’t be until the next morning when she would read the response:

Oh no. I guess we’ll just have to meet up so you can give it back to me. 

[f0linasahl0]

more things about the livestream experience before i go completely insane.

(warning: this is going to be a long one)

1: why is [bishop] lisden's favorite song mulberry street and why is [bishop] sacarver's favorite (if i remember) the outside or stressed out....i just want to throw that out there

2: i absolutely adore the piano spread whatever thing tyler does before he goes and raps to migrane. i dont know what its called but when he runs his hand across the piano, it was good. how did he make it sound so good and musical...

3: why is the shy away livestream version the only livestream version that is on their official "the story" playlist??? i keep thinking about that (https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL3roRV3JHZzaU_kQ4-7uv-ahPbFabFmRW)

4: also thinking about how they cut off holding onto you before the outro. basically all there was of holding onto you was the "entertain my faith" part...thinking about the lore THERE. how a "good day dema" ad cut off the ending as well then they talk about how happy they are !! then how it goes to mulberry street after dan LISDEN says its his favorite then how it goes so blurry BEFORE THE AD??? ----"entertain my faith" sounds something like he..wants more from the religion but they cut him off from continuing the rest of holding onto you..like he got in trouble or something? i dont know man

5: "dema is bringing you this music collection that is vibrant with saturation"... "dema wants you to enjoy this collection"..."i just felt trapped before having this collection" ... "contentment"...."now that youve heard some of this collection you must be just like us, completely saturated"..."sometimes i close my eyes to try to escape...you know you cant escape sally...yes i know!" PROPAGANDA

6: why is he holding and grabbing his head so much. past the literal deadpan ass stare hes got through the majority if not all of the experience (like even while doing his little dances you'd think he'd be smiling during...), why does he grip his head so often-- i talked about this before but like what are they doing to him man he like grips his head in almost pain so much

7: also thinking about what the lore implications of jenna and debby being in this...because im pretty sure its shown jenna in levitate is a bandito i only assume debby was one too. why are they there?? were they caught too? or did dema make clones of them to use against josh and tyler?

8: "i cant wait to see you again"

9: ”in a world where this is as good as it gets…we miss you. we really do.”

10: also can we discuss the "CONTROLLED by" dma org and good day dema??? this photo is blurry as hell but CONTROLLED BY! not PRODUCTION OF! specific word choice..also dma org...dmaorg.info...why are clancy's letters posted on a website thats directly correlated with dema...letters from his time inside as well as time outside...can we like talk about that--like other than the obvious showcase that they have his letters and are using them to lie to the people, why are they going through dmaorg?? if clancy isnt directly with dema why are they--why are they going through there???

11: the whole cutscene before lane boy "there was a wonderful structure to the city that put my cares to rest and the responsibilities of the day seemed to be accomplished with minimal effort. once a task was taught and understood, our obligations timely, and it felt secure knowing tomorrows duties would be accomplished with the same efficiency. we all worked to represent our bishop with honor knew that each inhabitant of our region had a like-minded dedication to consistency....why do i kneel to these concepts? tempted by control, control by temptation. stay low, they say. stay low," then the direct contradiction of the redecorate rap he inserts, “with the bells and the whistles scaled back like an isolated track, and he feels trapped when he's not inebriated fair to say he's fairly sedated most days of the week. he might have made it if he lived on a different street. i repeat, scaled back and isolated he says he likes an open schedule but he mostly hates it if you're running to his room, take a breath before you break-in put your ear up to the door, tell me can you hear him saying?” using clancy's letters to show praise to dema then clancy (tyler) directly contradicting being like "no i hold zero praise for this city" and saying how hes isolated and sedated when hes not preforming--how he ALMOST made it out. how if he lived A LITTLE closer to the walls he wouldnt be there right now-

12: the way the old songs are "SCALED BACK AND ISOLATED" ???? A SCALED BACK AND ISOLATED TRACK????

13: the way ned is missing in chlorine when he was such a big part of chlorine

14: AGAIN this shy away version. one-why is it so important to the story, two-the 9 chairs for 9 bishops around the table, three-i fucking love the guitarist by josh i love his energy, four-THE WAY HE BREAKS A GLASS WHEN TALKING ABOUT BREAKING THE CYCLE IN HALF???, THE SCREAM !!!! so many things

[so many things you guys]

15: the fucking bishop ass dancers to stressed out....can we discuss that too. ALSO HOW THEY DRAG HIM TO THE NEXT STAGE FOR STRESSED OUT?

16: "but remember you should- *cut off*" YOU SHOULD WHAT SALLY SACARVER????

17: also firstly, how beautiful the ukulele part was...it was so gorgeous, also the transition was amazing. though past that, can we talk about how fucking sad he looked on that little boat with his uke? was that a mock to his escape attempts? to him singing to an empty sky in trench? singing to the banditos as they boat someplace safer? like...

18: THE MOCKING OF THE BANDITOS WITH THE FUCKING JUMPSUIT/HEAVYDIRTYSOULD PART?? why would dema do that? why would the bishops actively make josh and tyler look like the banditos if it wasn't just a mock? they dont like the banditos i thought why would they have them dressed up like that? like torchbearer bringing the torch to the stage and the look josh has on his face-then tyler also being in a bandito outfit. like--it has to be mocking his attempts. mocking the banditos or SOMETHING

19: heathens being in the livestream makes me think a little too but i dont know. "all my friends are heathens take it slow, wait for them to ask you who you know. please dont make any sudden moves you dont know half of the abuse."

20: also first, what was that alarm that was sounded before never take it? what happened there? second, the lore people have posted about never take it and how it was about the bishops? the way it was played while the alarm was going off and it was almost messier filming...

21: HIM ENDING THE LIVESTREAM WITH "nobody's coming for me" and his deadpan look (sobbing)

22: again, bringing up sally sacarver and dan lisden. sacarver and lisden being bishop's names and hosting this livestream. then showing directly how the bodies they are controlling are deteriorating as the show goes on. "The rules are that you can only seize or control a dead body, and only for a short while."

23: also just the heavydirtysoul part. starting to think about the: "I tricked Nico into taking me outside the walls. I created a fiery diversion. I escaped." i just keep thinking about that and:

24: "we've come for you, we've got people on the way, no chances, none at all" the way this is direct quotes from dan and sally, who are bishops, and it is also direct lyrics (or close to direct lyrics) from no chances. it just keeps cementing itself on everything ive already thought about

25: past just the livestream experience what is with josh and the bucket hat lol. i love it but like.-

26: "you ask me if its real, i see your shifting eyes, you dig in your heels, i dig my hole to die" also wondering why the "live from the outside" version is here rather than the original.-is it important

27: his little dances are my favorite thing-

28: CAR RADIO...car radio. thats it thats the point. just the car radio part is everything to me--its giving old car radio performances and im living for it. though also old car radio performances? did they put it together like that on purpose?

29: NEVER TAKE IT HAVING A BURNING CAR HOLY SHIT FIREY DIVERSION? LMAO just how close he is to the camera during this too...so many thoughts

30: "...you know you cant escape sally...yes i know!" IS THIS LIVESTREAM SHOWING CLANCY AND HOW HE DIDN'T ESCAPE EITHER?? SHOWING THAT HE HAS BEEN CAUGHT AND IF HE CANT ESCAPE, THE NOTORIOUS CLANCY, THEN YOU CANT EITHER???! SO MANY THOUGHT!!

[sorry for how long this is-]

DID THIS SHOW HOW MANY THOUGHTS I HAVE HERE. im going insane like i keep thinking about the lore implications of this goddamn livestream. i have more points (i will make a essay list whatever for it all so i don't go any crazier) but this is already a lot for one post. just wanted to like...throw this out there. i know some might be a stretch but please just hear me out. just hear me out :,)

[masterjedilenawrites]

The Bad Batch: Most to Least Awkward First Kiss

...because I have a problem answering simple questions and also I miss ranking these boys on silly scales...

1. Tech: He would not have initiated his first kiss. He was still reeling from the realization he actually liked this person, his focus solely on confessing to them and nothing more. When their response is pressing their lips to his? He's stunned. His limbs flail about and he makes a weird noise like he's in pain. His crush pulls away, confused, and he runs off, embarrassed. He would like his next kiss to be thoroughly planned out in advance, please.

2. Echo: He would've gone in for the kiss himself, but also would've been sweating profusely. Little did his crush know that he'd been spending the past hour psyching himself up for it. It's only a peck that he gives, simple and harmless, and it's definitely not as bad as he thought. He doesn't know what to say afterward, the only thing he can think of is an awkward thank you. He reflects on the moment for literal weeks.

3. Crosshair: Feels more confident than the others, but it's not entirely warranted. He doesn't know what he's doing and he only realizes this once he's millimeters away from their face. It's a sloppy kiss, more wet than he expected, and with teeth clacking clumsily, but it's not the worst he could've done. He saves it at the end by booping their nose and giving them a cute nickname. He definitely plans to practice more for his next kiss.

4. Hunter: Also wouldn't have initiated his first kiss, but doesn't flail about like a fish. He's very quick to adapt. He only tenses in surprise for a second before softening up and leaning into the kiss. He lets his crush lead the way, mimicking their movements and creating an unexpectedly pleasant moment. He does stand slack-jawed for a bit afterward, his senses are tingling like crazy and brain will not function and form proper words.

5. Wrecker: Even though he has no experience with his first kiss, this guy can turn any potentially-awkward moment into something fun and special. As soon as the time feels right, he goes for it, and with the biggest grin on his face no less. He holds his person tenderly and tries out a few different kinds of kisses - soft, hard, fast, slow - until he finds one they both like so he knows what to do next time.

Everything Tag: @damerondala, @dangerousstrawberrypie, @fallingforthem, @harleyevanstan, @imabeautifulbutterfly, @justanothersadperson93, @misogirl828, @itsagrimm, @error6gendernotfound, @theroguesully, @clonesimp, @techie-bear

+Bad Batch Tag: @marvel-starwars-nerd, @pandora-the-halfling, @darkangel4121, @sobstea, @rintheemolion, @bowtiesandsandshoes, @dionysuskid21, @jesseeka, @hanbetired, @thatmultifandomdumbass, @sarahtanmarvel, @call-me-a-fool, @lackofhonor, @theclonesdeservebetter, @hannahhearttcw, @kaijusplotch, @salaminus, @arctrooper69, @katzs-current-obsession, @rebel-finn, @not-a-big-slay, @writing-positivelyexisting, @nekotaetae, @the-mom-friend-dot-com, @pickle-rick-y, @flowered-bicycles, @lucyysthings

(Join my tag list here)

[halfagone]

Challenge! 20 Questions for Writers

Thank you both @oliveofvanders and @tathartiel for tagging me!! I don't know what the 20 questions are, but I'll try to work from Tathy's responses. XD

How many works do you have on Ao3?

Technically my Ao3 page says 88, but I personally count it as 87, since I became a co-author post-publishing to add a work into a series. It's complicated, alright?

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

Oh gosh, don't hate me for this- Right now my total stands at 1,936,874 words... Yeah. I may be just a smidge unhinged...

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Right now I currently write for the DPxDC crossover, although I'm hoping to branch out into DP-only, DC-only, and other crossover works!! I used to write for another fandom, but I've long since left that one behind.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

No. 1 goes to lex luthor's ascent from supervillainy to fatherhood with a whopping 14,759 kudos. It is currently 92 chapters long, I am working on chapter 93, and it is projected to finish at 150 chapters.

No. 2 goes to Two For One Special at 8,349 kudos!! It's a short one-shot, very light-hearted with Danny and Clark being mistaken as two Waynes.

No. 3 goes to what was lost, found again with 7,090 kudos. This story follows more introspection and character exploration, and we get to see a softer side of what things could be if Jason came home after being resurrected. It's 5 chapters long, already completed if you want to check it out!

No. 4 goes to Eldritch Toddler with 7,031 kudos, so a very close runner-up to No. 3. This is another one-shot for DPxDC crossover week (which will be reoccur this year, although sadly I'm not sure if I'll be able to write for it this time), and it's a little wild and goofy but I overall I tried for fluffy family feels.

We wrap up with No. 5, Off With [the Demon's] Head at 5,492 kudos!! It is currently 15 chapters long, who knows when it'll be done. Danny is Damian's older brother, with mommy and daddy issues a-plenty, and he's sorta kinda Ellie's father? It's complicated and I like to hurt the blorbos.

5. Do you respond to comments?

I definitely try to!! I am very behind on them unfortunately, but I try to respond when I have the spoons and time to. It'll be slow going to catch up to them all, but I try to give them the credit they deserve. <3

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oh this one's hard... I tend to write a lot of angst, after all. Hmmm... I think I'll give this one to On a scale from 1-10, how would you rate your pain? just because that fic is so depressing and then I end it with a cliffhanger, so you don't get very much relief from the angst.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Ah... I think this one does go to what was lost, found again just because of the catharsis for the journey. There's plenty of angst and hard feelings in that fic, but I really loved being able to write that epilogue from Damian's POV and seeing so many people love it too.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've gotten some pretty rude comments, but I think I've only gotten outright hate one time. That comment has since been reported and deleted. There are many comments that seem to take a bad faith reading on the entire chapter, and then kinda go on a tangent about it? It's very strange to see but thankfully I have plenty of other wonderful readers who make up for it.

9. Do you write smut fic? If so, what kind?

Technically no. I've written some more mature fics, but I doubt I'll ever go for full-blown smut. And I'd like to keep it that way, thanks...

10. Do you write crossovers? If so, what's the craziest one you've written?

Oh boy do I write crossovers. Majority of my fics are crossovers now actually. lol lex luthor's ascent from supervillainy to fatherhood does take this cake once again, because it started off as a few responses to a Tumblr prompt, and then it became interconnected one-shots and back then I had planned out at least 20 chapters, and here we are now.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't believe so, and I really, really hope not.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have co-written a fic!! It's called Born to Make History and I write it with my lovely friend @nightshiftshenanigans. I do have some more plans for co-written fic and hopefully one day soon I'll get to unveil them. ;3

13. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Oh... that's hard... I don't think I have one all-time favorite? I guess Tim Drake/Danny Fenton would be the closest, since it's the ship I've written the most for. Much like Tathy, I really adore Danny Fenton/Valerie Gray, they are my canon babies. <333

14. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Probably weekend wonders. I have plenty of ideas for the fic, the problem is I have so many other WIPs that came as a higher priority that I don't know when this one will get to update. It's only meant to have 15 chapters, but other things get in the way.

15. What are your writing strengths?

Hmmm, now that's a hard one. I do enjoy writing many things, especially worldbuilding, but I think introspection and character study would probably be the top ones up there. It's always been very important to me to show a character's reasoning and motivations. Even if you don't relate to it, even if their reasoning is inherently baseless, it is always good to see that people do things for a reason even if it's a stupid one.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

I am so bad at dialogue it physically pains me. TAT Occasionally I'll get scenes and bits of dialogue I am absolutely in love with but otherwise it's just- It's not my strong suit for sure. lol In other news, I get pretty good at monologues, though!! XD

17. First Fandom you wrote for?

Tower of God, Korean Manhwa from Webtoon. It's so freaking long and so freaking good, but I have sadly since left it (and the fandom at large) behind. :'(

18. Favorite Fic you've written?

I bounce between favorites, but my current one would probably be this is me trying. It is a birthday fic for a wonderful friend of mine, @disillusioneddanny but the idea itself has been something I've wanted to explore for a long time, and I am so proud that I could give them a gift they could enjoy.

Apologies if you get tagged twice here: @die-erlkonigin6083, @chromatographic, and @theredshirtsarecoming!! (You ain't getting out of this that easily, zia!! MUAHAHAH) No pressure if you're not up for it, but in case you were interested~ Have at it!!

[tinnifast]

Food log, 11/6: 1 can of soup (130), 1 bag of cheetos (330), 1 probiotic shake (130)

I weighed myself this morning and... 167.4. Two ounces less than the weigh-in I settled on yesterday, except this time, I didn't get like ten different weights. 167.4 was legitimately the only weight I got no matter where I put the scale on the floor or how many times I took the batteries in and out. I still haven't taken any laxatives mostly because my digestive system is already fucked and I don't want to risk worsening it with laxative abuse, so no matter how tempting it is, I generally save laxatives for when it's been days without a BM and it's causing pain or for when I've had a super large meal/binge. This entry is longer and rantier than usual, so the rest is below the cut (sorry lol)

I'm frustrated that I gained after hitting 167.0 and that it's probably going to take a good portion of the week to get below that again, but I'm trying to stay motivated no matter how tempting it is to just give up and binge. Reminding myself that the first ten pounds were really easy and that from here, it's going to be a lot slower and a lot more difficult- and that my weight will fluctuate, and that it's okay, and that I can't retaliate by 100% starving myself because 1) I'm chronically ill and it WILL cause me to faint/be hospitalized again, and 2) my metabolism will crash.

Also, logistically, I'm wanting to get to 160 by the end of the month. I was 170 at the start of the month so I've already made some progress. If I can just get that scale to even touch 165 by the 15th, which is more than a week, I'm pretty much set- and I know I can do it.

As I mentioned earlier this week, I have another doctor's appointment. Last time I weighed myself on their scale in October I was 176-ish. I can't decline the weigh-ins without seeming suspicious but I weighed myself with a ton of clothes on and am still only at 170. It's not even been 3 weeks since that appointment so I'm afraid they'll comment on the sudden, rapid weight loss but I'm going to try to bulk up on water and high volume/low cal food to get to 174+ with clothes on before the appointment. Also gonna weigh in with my wallet and phone in hand.

Wish me luck at my appointment, and PLEASE for the love of God manifest a big drop for me tomorrow, because if I don't get underneath 167.0 in the next day or two I think I am actually going to lose my mind lol

-tinni💙

[carrickbender]

7

1. I'm sitting here drinking coffee, but I should be doing chores. It's a nice day, bug wants to do stuff later, there's email to catch up on... so yeah, do weeks really end?

2. Friday night was fantastic: got off work, listened to my mothers epic complaining while I took the flat tire off of her old suv, lost my phone, took it to town to be fixed only to find my phone on the bumper(IT WENT 10 MILES ON THE BUMPER AT 65+ MPH TO TOWN!!!!! PRAISE ALL THE GODS IT STAYED!!!!), got the tire fixed and back on the car in a very bad spot, went home, buggy got sick and I had to clean up his #2 mess<poor guy>, and I slept on the couch because sleeping is awful in a bed anymore. Great start, huh?

3. My current shame storm is making a hurricane look like a passing shower. No matter what I do, what I accomplish, how hard I try, it's just not enough. It's a stupid thing, and no matter how much I try to do the affirmations, they aren't working. #backtosquareone

4. I have a drs appointment tomorrow, and I'm dreading it. I've gained 5 lbs(or so my messed up scale says), but my pants fit better, so I dunno. Plus, there's the pain in other places thanks to fluid build up. Just another fun thing that's happened since I had bypass surgery. #insulttoinjury

5. I think after a certain age you should be able to trade certain things that still work on your body for things that would be more useful. For example, I'd gladly trade my still working sex drive for the ability to thrive on 3-4 hours a night of sleep. That way I could trade one useless thing for a useful thing. Pardon me for being slightly bitter. Im just over it. To be honest I wish I was working the 60-70 hour a week schedule and going to school like I was before. At least then I wouldn't think about it as much. #thanksihateit

6. My former employer is having a big meeting w/investors and politicians on the 25th, and theres rumours it might start back up. So im sending the HR manager my updated resume, and starting the conversation about a shift supervisor position. To be honest, I'd kill for it, and it would keep me on career trajectory. Fingers crossed.... I love my new job but I can't afford to work there.

7. I'm sorry to be such a negative person but I'm kinda reaching a hard spot in my journey. I have no real time to stop and process because if I did I think it would derail part of the rebuilding process for my life I started a few years ago. Part of that rebuilding process was prioritizing financial security, so even considering all the other stuff has to take a backseat... but how to do it when you're a novice at self care and are trying to reprogram your already f'ed up brain is another thing entirely. Bono wrote it best in the song Cedars of Lebanon: "The worst of us are a long drawn out confession; The best of us are geniuses of compression.You say you're not going to leave the truth alone.I'm here 'cause I don't want to go home".

Thanks for letting me vent. This week will be better... I think. Much love!

[crispy-art-on-fire]

Monster of the Week monsters from the accidental campaign I have going on. It started as a one-shot because an acquaintance's friend wanted to play something that wasn't DnD, then the players liked it and now its like a weekly thing with a 2 week break after an mystery ends. The types written down is their monster/minion motivation which if you play MotW you will know.

Under cut is the stats/basic idea if you too want to run these fella.

Mystery 1

Basic mystery idea: People have been disappearing in a small village near a forest and then returning some time later with no memory of what happened. The latest disappearance however has signs of a struggle along with mold covering the walls.

Herald, monster. A lanky humanoid with long clawed hands and an non-human face. Spreads red mold where it goes.

Motivation: Destroyer - To bring an end to the world. Exiled from its world forever yearning to go home.

Harm capacity 12. Weakness: Fire and salt, cannot die without either being used. Weapons: Claws, 3 harm, close. Acid spit, 2 harm, far, corrosive. Move: Create mold portals - by spreading its mold it can go from one place to another connected by the Ritual site, players can also go through them. It can also close these portals at will, feel free to do so as a consequence for a roll.

Glass doll, minion.

Motivation: Scout - To bring information to the monster. Looks like and pretends to be the kidnapped victims.

Harm capacity 5. Weapon: Knife, 2 harm, close. Move: Shatter - When its hurt or killed roll +Tough to avoid the shards. 7-9 take 1 harm. 6- take 2 harm.

Notes: This was the first mystery I created and so I have changed some things here from how it originally was in order to give you like a draft 2 instead of a draft 1. Like originally the monster had a harm capacity of 7 with no armor??? Which if you don't know it kind of just needs to be fought twice with a gun to have 1 harm left.

Mystery 2

Basic mystery idea: Pets and small animals have been getting killed near nightclubs, drained of all their blood. A chupacabra mother and its pups have set up residence in the sewers of the city and at night the mother goes out to hunt and try to bring back food for her young.

Chupacabra Mother, monster. Appearance alike a hairless dog however with scales and reptile eyes along with long fangs.

Motivation: Breeder - To bring forth evil. Fights to protect and feed her young.

Harm capacity 12. Armor 1 - tough scales. Weakness: Sunlight (debatable, I couldn't find much consensus about it so feel free to change this). Weapons: Bite, harm 3, intimate. Blood drain, harm 1, intimate, heals.

Chupacabra Pups, minions. Three pups barely past weening age.

Motivation: Plague - To swarm and destroy. Hungry puppies who goes to hunt if the mother doesn't return to the nest.

Harm capacity 5 for each pup. Weapon: Bite, 1 harm, intimate. Blood drain, 1 harm, intimate. Harm stacks with each pup attacking.

Notes: Pretty simple idea here, I wanted to make a switcharoo with them thinking its vampires but actually its goat suckers. The moment I revealed that the monster they caught was a mother my players immediately went "Can we adopt them" so prepare for that. Chupacabras are also not native to the city and so is just attacking and draining whatever is similar to the height and weight of its natural pray, goats.

Mystery 3

Basic mystery idea: A researcher has created an artificial chimera to sell to monster traders in order to get research money. The chimera however escaped and is now hungry for blood.

Chimera, monster. A lion's body with its tail cut off replaced with a snake, a head of a goat stitched on.

Motivation: Beast - To run wild, destroying and killing. In constant pain its lashing out, driven by hunger and hatred for its creator.

Harm capacity 13. 1 Armor. Weakness: The stitches if attacked can sever, it has stitches on its belly, around the goat head, and snake tail. Weapons: Bite, intimate, harm 4 (lion)/2 (goat)/1, poison (snake). Fire, 2 harm, burning, far.

It has two minions but they're human not monsters so I didn't draw them.

Holly Fawn, minion. A mousy veterinarian and on the side mad scientist wishing to recreate mythical monsters.

Motivation: Guardian - To protect something. Wants to get her monster back and may use to do so.

Harm capacity 5. Weapons: Stun gun, 0 harm, stun. Sleep dart, 0 harm, sleep.

Geralt Rivers, minion: A cloaked man who works in the illegal business of selling and buying monsters.

Motivation: Brute - To intimidate or attack. Wants to get his money worth and so will prevent the players from damaging the creature too much.

Harm capacity 8. Weapons: Sniper rifle, 4 harm, far. Knife, 1 harm, hand. Moves: Warning shot. Disappear into the crowd.

Notes: This adventure was actually created to prove that poachers had a hand in the chupacabra situation in order to prevent their culling. And so getting proof rather than killing the monster was the big threat, meaning that preventing the chimera from killing Holly Fawn was a fight they had to do.

[xx-vergil-xx]

So I’m officially Crushed that Hounds is finished, even though the ending was perfect! So I’ll take the opportunity to respond to the writing style thing from earlier this week. Sorry if this is too random! I have 10 billion things I love about your writing, I’ll just pick out some that come to mind spontaneously

Thing 1, I love how you write supernatural beings! Genuinely alien and scary at first, but then we spend more time with them, and find such a human core to them. Like, the potential of the supernatural-as-metaphor is realized to perfection over and over again?

There’s something so recognizable in the way Desire toys with people, in Dream’s guardedness, in the Corinthian’s hunger. One example is in the Corinthian’s interactions with Daniel, the tension between experiencing sudden unexpected freedom, but registering it as rejection, as feeling obsolete and useless because who even are you when you aren’t needed…for him, that arises from his supernatural nature as a creature literally created for a specific purpose, but for me as a reader, it still speaks to something relatable and painful. Really great stuff

Thing 2, the references! To literature, poetry, myth, music, history…I just recently read “Underland” by Robert MacFarlane (warmly recommended) and he does something similar, to similar effect. It gives everything such scope, makes it feel so much bigger than the immediate story being told, like it situates the story in some Great Narrative about all of humanity, with the references connecting it all like a myriad mycelial strands.  

Thing 3 is that I love the way you word familiar things in an unusual way, which always feels like I’m getting some kind of revelation about what the thing’s essence is. I always struggle to put into words why a certain moment, or gesture, or landscape, or person makes me feel a certain way, and then I might encounter it in your writing and suddenly I’m like “Yes, finally someone gets it!” And I especially love it when the verb is doing the heavy lifting.  Random example, how to immediately capture the eerie vibe of a lonely nighttime street – “buzzing security lights futilely scratching at the darkness”.

Aaanyway this is way too long already, but I want to just thank you again for sharing your writing :) Hope you have a good weekend!

hi??? hello??? and what if i wept??? what THEN??? what if these businessfolk on this commuter train had to watch me sniffle with pure inexpressible joy???

but seriously — wow this really sent me reeling in the best loveliest most consuming way!! it is maybe the most richly validating feeling in the world to have someone point out bits of your work they love and it is genuinely such a gift — your time and your thoughts are of immeasurable wonder and i will stuff these praises in my pockets like treasured cool rocks from a beach <3

i am thrilled my supernatural creatures hit — in even my non-fic stuff i am absolutely fascinating by scales of humanity — by the way the immensely surreal and even the seemingly ahuman can contain with in it exaggerated mirrors of the truest human experiences. i love playing with that like bizarre distortion (especially w my baby cori, but all the endless were such a sublime opportunity to Mess Around With That), and then narrowing the aperture down to try and pinpoint the real, authentic humanity that the most inexplicable wildness can contain <- all that to say made me feel crazy wonderful that you liked the way i mucked about with the wild supernatural gang !!!! bodes well for my future projects <3

i am going to put underland on my library list!! i am such a sucker for intertextuality like what if words were a sculptural medium what if by compounding text on text on text you build a form greater than the sum of its parts ANYWAY gosh makes my spirit light and free to know you liked all that <3 <3 <3 i look forward with delight to reading that book!! (also mycelial is such a brilliant word thank you for reminding me it exists <3)

the moments of articulating specific little feelings are generally the ones i beat my head against the wall about the most and so it is genuinely so rewarding to know that they hit and they resonate <3 and verbs!! to the chagrin of some professors i tend to insist on giving descriptions active agency and it is again wonderously validating to know that that’s a vibe!!! thank you thank you thank you <3

this really make me feel like my body was full of light and i’m going to have a real killer of a day now <3 thank you so so so much for your kind words they mean everything under the sun to me <3

[consistentsquash]

Happy Birthday/Author Love Letter! Eldritcher!

You know how you have that one big moment when you read something after which your life won't be the same again because you suddenly realized something about yourself you didn't know/didn't want to accept? Eldritcher's fics did that for me.

Generally I am super afraid to write author spotlights/love letters because it’s definitely safer/less personal when I can just do content recs instead. Because what if you rec an author and you find out later they are a bigot or something! But pretty confident to take the risk about this one. Because Eldritcher is amazing as a person.

Where do I even start!!! I mean!!! Multifandom gem <3

Once more. He must sing once more. Caraxes had never denied him in the end.

Because that's what eldritcher's writing is all about. It's about trying just one more time to make things work. It's about staying hopeful in the middle of epic tragedies. It's about how love clasps grief but it's still worth it because it's love.

  Some background context

So at first glance it can look like Eldritcher has a lot of fics. But technically they are much less prolific compared to a lot of authors and only really have around a dozen stories. But these stories are usually really grand epic scale masterpieces.

  Sunset (2008)

Fandom - Silmarillion/Lord of the Rings

Rec -Baby! Aww! Written when they were like 16. I really love how idealistic and totally kinky these fics get. It's got the type of total, shameless indulgence that just doesn't show up in E's later fics. But don't underestimate the story. It's really deep and beautifully characterized. The recurring topics on War, PTSD and masculinity are already here. To quote from @ten-thousand-leaves because they pretty much said everything I was going to say

1. Hands down, the most tragic, captivating and horrendously, eerily beautiful portrayal of Maedhros I have EVAR seen in fics. Though it might be very, very unconventional. I loved it to pieces.

2. The magnitude of the plot and the scale and the end game. Small hints to what it is all about are strewn throughout the stories, but MY GOD, the mastermind behind it!

3. Bittersweet ending. I bawled my eyes out and had to be treated with loads of fluffy porn.

(Author Appreciation Week, Eldritcher)

Fic Vibe quote

He is a lost cause, brother. Look into his eyes. The truth runs deep there, beneath the pretence he dons. It was not merely his body that he pawned for his cause. It was his mind and his soul too. We cannot save him, Atarinkë. But if we can ease his pain in any manner, forbidden or not, then we must. That is why I did not protest to his wretched games with Findekáno. I cannot deny that they alleviated his mental torment. Now, if Macalaurë’s regard brings about that end, then I say, bless Macalaurë for loving him.

  Eldritch (2010)

Fandom - Harry Potter

The fics from this set people usually know more directly - The Prometheus Triptych, The Minerva Quartets, The Judas Sextet, Black Tales.

Rec - Darkfics focused on Dumbledore, Tom Riddle, McGonagall, the Black family and Snape. They are all amazing. Definitely going to be a different experience compared to the author's more matured voice. But it's pretty amazing how their writing has that unique emotional connect from Day One. To quote from @squibstress because they said it perfectly.

These are stories about the beautiful and dreadful parts of being humans who love. They cut to the heart of what it is to long for what we know we should not want, and knowing the price, want it just the same.

(Fic Recs by Squibstress)

Fic Vibe quote

“You are alive,” Severus pointed out. “And the Dark Lord is dead.” Harry waved his hand half-heartedly and said, “I killed the mad sod. Why does everyone say that I saved the world or that he is dead? He is dead because I killed him. I did not even kill him very cleanly, you know. I killed him piece by piece, Horcrux by Horcrux. It is very convenient to forget that. The greater good and all that.”

 

A Four Chord Carousel (2016)

Fandom - Harry Potter

The fics from this set people usually know more directly - CATULLUS 16! Epic of the Forgotten (that intersex Viktor Krum/Voldemort fic which everybody needs to read).

Rec - Total commitment to pr0n. But being eldritcher they somehow managed to write complex gender and relationship dynamics with some of the best plots I have read in HP fanfic. Quoting from @rendered-reversed because they really got the spirit of this series.

I am definitely in love with the writing, and if you love literature/philosophy references, smut, plot, and different takes on LV, then you will love this fic too. Oh, and did I mention angst, because I bawled like a baby at certain points. Settle down and prep your tissue box (for tears, for wanking, whichever you prefer…maybe both and maybe at the same time too, watch out).

(Harrymort recs)

Fic Vibe quote

And later, Harry asked him softly, “Are we on Catullus still?” “I think I have traversed to Sonnet Fifty Eight, to serfdom at my lover's beck and call, mastered by his heart. Luckily for me, you are Harry, our hero, so full of grace.”

  Unvollendete (2018)

Fandom - Harry Potter

The fics from this set people usually know more directly - ALMAGEST! The best slash fic I have read in my whole life.

Rec - Unvollendete is Schubert's unfinished symphony. Pretty much the theme of this series. It's really dark and intense. Also really raw. If you want to experience Eldritcher's rawest writing style this is it. From Brown Sugar to Almagest to Caliban to Omphale, this is eldritcher's most intense/powerful/raw writing in a nutshell. I am going to quote from my own rec list like a total weirdo because I have feelings and FEELINGS about this arc

This fic makes me feel everything I am capable of feeling and then some. I am not a fan of Voldemort/Harry fics because of the tropes they usually have and the characterizations they go for. Almagest does the impossible. Beautiful writing, mature characterizations, brilliant plot. Albus is spectacular as the beating heart of the fic. Voldemort is brittle and cautious but he can't really hide his love for astronomy. Harry is true to himself here. (21 Slash Recs from 21 Years)

Fic Vibe Quote

He had not minded incorporeality; he had not felt corporeal in his body for most of his life. In Albania, as a spirit, his existence had been simpler. What would he do now? There was no end to this, he knew. Take my triumphs, Albus had said, and had omitted to tell him that he was placing a world upon his shoulders, a world Albus had not wanted to deal with. Death danced in his veins now, and he struggled to overcome being pulled into its mysteries. Mastery was not a single day's combat. He fought the hallows into submission each day, knowing that the mantle would fall upon Harry if he failed.

  Human Things (2020)

Fandom - James Bond

Rec - So I am not really a James Bond canon expert. But this fic is one of my all time favs in any fandom because it really shows the deep understanding of war trauma without magic/scifi settings. This fic is about love. Not just the love of two people who are serving the same country with similar psychological difficulties. This is love in capital letters. This is love in the epic sense. It’s consuming, terrifying and capable of incredible sacrifices. You can read it canon blind and still get totally wrecked.

Vibe Quote

Mallory had known the bent of his heart from the beginning, and surrendered in grace. James had blundered into his fate unknowing, railing against the inevitability of it. What did it matter how they had sailed home, through storm and peril? Nostos was a war-weary seafarer's journey home, only to find nothing the same. This rose-littered bed was not the seaside by Abruzzo where James had once dreamed he might make love to Vesper. Mallory had never dared aspire to another's care. This was not the home they had known to dream of, and yet, here they were, in a bower of two wrought of their will and want, whittled clean by the course of human things.

  Pandemic (2021)

Fandom - Harry Potter

Rec - PANDEMIC! I mean I shouldn't be so excited about a fic which is about the Coronavirus Pandemic. Also an intergenerational epic saga showing humanity's resilience through other big name pandemics in 20th/21st century. ALSO THE EMOTIONAL CONNECT LITERALLY SAVED MY LIFE. At least my therapist bills during the pandemic. Yay! Going to quote @clarasghosts who explains it really well

pandemic is a fic I will recommend until my dying day for a number of reasons. au where the second war ended in a truce, splitting up the magical country for over twenty years. then covid hits, and both sides are forced to work together. all of the fics on this list can get heavy, but this one handles mental on both a personal and national level. it really, successfully evokes life in 2020/2021, from the stock market to the despair of lockdown. harry, who lives alone, takes it particularly hard, and his depression begins manifesting as an obscurial. (tomarrymort recs)

Fic Vibe Quote

The shadowed places in Harry's heart that had known only loneliness gleamed bright as he held in his hands what he had longed for, through four decades of keening want and wish. "I wish you would not stare at me so." "Oh, but I must!" Harry vowed. "Wild and brave thing, heart of me." A horse with no name, come home from the rain, to Harry, at their loneliness's end.

  Byzantium, Frabjous, Bestiarium (2021)

Fandom - Harry Potter

Rec - SNAPE. SNAPE. SEVERUS SNAPE! I mean. Enough said! If you want Snape and if you want to read eldritcher's writing this arc is pretty much it! Also Frabjous is the most intense Snape fic I read since the Snarry Games Angst fics. Also lots of Snarry. But the best fic is still Snape/Giant Squid. It's beautiful and eerie. Because that's how we roll. Also Tumtum tree is the single most ethereal kinkfic ever. Oranges and cheese. Because quoting my favorite Snarry Queen @danpuff-ao3

There is so much poetry in it (as in, written very much poetically) and so much joy in it, however unconventional. This one made my heart very happy and it sang to my soul (as all good poetry does.) Danpuff Answers

Fic Vibe Quote

That night has always meant to them the night at tower's edge. They killed a man, taking turns one after the other, with poison and with mercy. That night left Harry an orphan and turned him impotent in war. That night left Snape a widower and turned him impotent in body. What can Harry say? Those were times of shame and wrath, of senselessness and despair, of trudging on through the tulgey wood to the Jabberwock's lair.

  Babylon (2021)

Fandom - Dune

Rec - What can you do with 13000 words? EVERYTHING. Apparently. This just kind of grabs your heart and stomps on it. Also fixes it. Somewhat. Because this is a bittersweet tragedy you just can't stop reading because of how much love it contains. LaurenX had a great take on their rec list which I 100% agree with.

The intimacy of this is staggering, and the imagery is even heavier. Never have I felt more like I was intruding upon something delicate and raw and sacred than while reading this. prophetic sand

Vibe Quote

There was no shame in the boy's confession. He held Duncan's gaze, frank as no lord's get should be, and the candour of his gaze held back no secrets. Had the Baron Harkonnen once led men to his bed by mere virtue of a coy glance? The boy did not know the inappropriateness of what he was doing. If the Duke knew, if the concubine knew-

  Kalinka (2021)

Fandom - Kingsman

Rec - Ok. So this isn't one of the Cool Kingsman movies. I don't even know who watched this movie. But the fic. OMG. The fic. It's got this World War I intergenerational mess with a lot of cultural pain. Also Rasputin. I mean this really is intense and beautiful plus it's got Rasputin.

Grigori took him by the hand and led him outside to the pond. The moon soared high and full, before it was made amandine by a cloud's skirt over it. Grigori kissed the Duke once more. Then he shoved him into the water. He had made the Duke whole with a healer's hands. He had taught the Duke with a lover's hands. He drowned the Duke with a killer's hands.

  Ossuarium (2022)

Fandom - House of the Dragon

Rec - The best HOTD/ASOIAF fic I have read. Also the best GENDER. I mean. So much gender. I have recced this fic like 200 times now. So I won't go into more details here! But also. This fic!!!! Omg. This fic. Never getting over it.

But anyway. I love Eldritcher's works. <3 They are amazing as a person. Also. So. Much. Love.

[gibsonmusicart]

9 Questions About Learning Music You'd Want Answers For

By Ced Yong

1. Do I Need to Read Music in Order to Play an Instrument?

There are many stories of legendary musicians never learning to read music throughout their careers. While this is very encouraging for beginners apprehensive about the challenge of mastering musical notation, the following must be considered: a. Learning to read music allows you to easily communicate with other musicians. Bluntly put, unless you are a celebrity or a matchless genius, most other players are going to find you a nuisance to collaborate with, because there is no quick way to communicate with you. Many tutors will find you a pain too. b. The ability to read notations opens up a world of useful resources. Such resources, particularly professional ones, inevitably require you to understand musical notation. c. Being able to read music means you can notate music too, with notation itself a systematic and reliable way of examining your technique. For example, while penning a score, you might notice your tendency to over-extend notes or clip them, or end on weird beats. In summary, when you bother to learn how to read and notate, you equip yourself with a most useful tool for the long run.

2. Is Learning Music Theory a Must?

Before all else, music theory is different from reading music. The latter is the ability to understand notations i.e. read a score. In contrast, music theory studies concepts such as scales, triads, harmonization, and so on.

As for the question itself, it is highly debatable whether one must possess extensive musical knowledge to be an accomplished player. Much of this is tangent on the genre you prefer to play, and the level of expertise you are aiming for.

That said, it is undeniable that some degree of musical knowledge will improve your learning journey. To give an example, knowledge of chord progressions vastly enhances your ability to play by ear. You wouldn’t need to experiment or guess. You already know what comes next.

Consider it this way too. Music is in essence, no more than an extremely elaborate system of rules and structures. The more you know about the system, the easier it is for you to master control. Correspondingly, the easier for you to excel too.

3. Am I Ever Too Old to Pick Up an Instrument?

The simple answer to this is that no one is too old to learn anything. It is a question of whether you want to, and whether you can put in the necessary effort.

Realistically though, we shoulder more burdens as we age. Burdens that include health concerns. The answer to whether you are too old to have a go at learning music thus varies from person to person. And it is dependent on: a. Can you afford the time? No one can truly master an instrument by just practising one hour every week. b. Can you afford the financial burden? Music is seldom cheap to learn. Neither is it a cheap hobby. c. Can you sustain your interest? d. Do you have the energy for endless drills and practices? e. Would learning that particular instrument, somehow, worsen whatever existing physical ailment you have? (See next question) f. What is your objective for learning a particular instrument? Are you merely seeking to entertain family and friends? Or are you hoping to someday perform professionally? The latter is, of course, far more difficult for older folks.

However discouraging the above areas might be, know this too. Adult learners aren’t necessarily handicapped, they can enjoy significant advantages over children. These include greater capacity for intelligent/systematic learning, knowledge of where to hunt for resources, greater communication skills, and of course, more financial resources.

4. What Are the Factors to Consider When Deciding Which Music Instrument to Learn?

Different instruments require different skillsets. Some instruments also exert substantial strain on certain parts of the human body. When deciding which instrument to learn, the very first step is to be utterly honest with yourself. The next step is to do thorough research.

a. Instruments such as the organ and drums require complex hand-leg coordination. Wind instruments such as the trumpet demand extensive training on embouchure. While such skills could be honed over the long-run, if you are exceptionally bad with them to begin with, your learning journey will be triply frustrating. b. Naturally, if you are suffering from some sort of hand/wrist injury, you shouldn’t be starting a piano course. A couple of hours each week practicing the violin is also not going to do wonders for your neck injury. Remember, under all circumstances, your physical well-being takes precedence. Don’t pick up any lesson that will worsen your health. c. Many, many instruments require you to practice with other musicians to fully master. The opportunities for such “jamming” should thus be a major consideration. d. If you opt for formal lessons, be sure to inquire about the student repertoire beforehand. While versatility in style and genre is beneficial to learning, you don’t want to be bored silly, because 90 percent of the time you are playing songs that puts you to sleep. e. The cost of learning certain instruments is far higher than for others, typically because some instruments are significantly more expensive. Financial consideration is therefore a must, however unpleasant the process is.

5. Must I Own an Instrument to Learn It?

Even if you are not exceptionally talented, as long as you make the effort to diligently go to practice sessions, you will eventually master the instrument.

Eventually. After a good amount of inconvenience, work/study disruptions, time sacrifices, etc.

Personally, I think nothing beats having your own “gear.” You can practice as and when you like to or need to. If you are considering renting equipment, do note that such costs could easily accumulate to substantial amounts in the long run, too. You might actually be better off buying the instrument right at the start.

1. Do I Need to Read Music in Order to Play an Instrument?

There are many stories of legendary musicians never learning to read music throughout their careers. While this is very encouraging for beginners apprehensive about the challenge of mastering musical notation, the following must be considered: a. Learning to read music allows you to easily communicate with other musicians. Bluntly put, unless you are a celebrity or a matchless genius, most other players are going to find you a nuisance to collaborate with, because there is no quick way to communicate with you. Many tutors will find you a pain too. b. The ability to read notations opens up a world of useful resources. Such resources, particularly professional ones, inevitably require you to understand musical notation. c. Being able to read music means you can notate music too, with notation itself a systematic and reliable way of examining your technique. For example, while penning a score, you might notice your tendency to over-extend notes or clip them, or end on weird beats. In summary, when you bother to learn how to read and notate, you equip yourself with a most useful tool for the long run.

2. Is Learning Music Theory a Must?

Before all else, music theory is different from reading music. The latter is the ability to understand notations i.e. read a score. In contrast, music theory studies concepts such as scales, triads, harmonization, and so on.

As for the question itself, it is highly debatable whether one must possess extensive musical knowledge to be an accomplished player. Much of this is tangent on the genre you prefer to play, and the level of expertise you are aiming for.

That said, it is undeniable that some degree of musical knowledge will improve your learning journey. To give an example, knowledge of chord progressions vastly enhances your ability to play by ear. You wouldn’t need to experiment or guess. You already know what comes next.

Consider it this way too. Music is in essence, no more than an extremely elaborate system of rules and structures. The more you know about the system, the easier it is for you to master control. Correspondingly, the easier for you to excel too.

3. Am I Ever Too Old to Pick Up an Instrument?

The simple answer to this is that no one is too old to learn anything. It is a question of whether you want to, and whether you can put in the necessary effort.

Realistically though, we shoulder more burdens as we age. Burdens that include health concerns. The answer to whether you are too old to have a go at learning music thus varies from person to person. And it is dependent on: a. Can you afford the time? No one can truly master an instrument by just practising one hour every week. b. Can you afford the financial burden? Music is seldom cheap to learn. Neither is it a cheap hobby. c. Can you sustain your interest? d. Do you have the energy for endless drills and practices? e. Would learning that particular instrument, somehow, worsen whatever existing physical ailment you have? (See next question) f. What is your objective for learning a particular instrument? Are you merely seeking to entertain family and friends? Or are you hoping to someday perform professionally? The latter is, of course, far more difficult for older folks.

However discouraging the above areas might be, know this too. Adult learners aren’t necessarily handicapped, they can enjoy significant advantages over children. These include greater capacity for intelligent/systematic learning, knowledge of where to hunt for resources, greater communication skills, and of course, more financial resources.

4. What Are the Factors to Consider When Deciding Which Music Instrument to Learn?

Different instruments require different skillsets. Some instruments also exert substantial strain on certain parts of the human body. When deciding which instrument to learn, the very first step is to be utterly honest with yourself. The next step is to do thorough research.

a. Instruments such as the organ and drums require complex hand-leg coordination. Wind instruments such as the trumpet demand extensive training on embouchure. While such skills could be honed over the long-run, if you are exceptionally bad with them to begin with, your learning journey will be triply frustrating. b. Naturally, if you are suffering from some sort of hand/wrist injury, you shouldn’t be starting a piano course. A couple of hours each week practicing the violin is also not going to do wonders for your neck injury. Remember, under all circumstances, your physical well-being takes precedence. Don’t pick up any lesson that will worsen your health. c. Many, many instruments require you to practice with other musicians to fully master. The opportunities for such “jamming” should thus be a major consideration. d. If you opt for formal lessons, be sure to inquire about the student repertoire beforehand. While versatility in style and genre is beneficial to learning, you don’t want to be bored silly, because 90 percent of the time you are playing songs that puts you to sleep. e. The cost of learning certain instruments is far higher than for others, typically because some instruments are significantly more expensive. Financial consideration is therefore a must, however unpleasant the process is.

5. Must I Own an Instrument to Learn It?

Even if you are not exceptionally talented, as long as you make the effort to diligently go to practice sessions, you will eventually master the instrument.

Eventually. After a good amount of inconvenience, work/study disruptions, time sacrifices, etc.

Personally, I think nothing beats having your own “gear.” You can practice as and when you like to or need to. If you are considering renting equipment, do note that such costs could easily accumulate to substantial amounts in the long run too. You might actually be better off buying the instrument right at the start.

Source: Amazines.com

[imtrying-butimpissed]

Anyways I went to my parent's house to house sit and ended up stepping on the scale for the first time in who knows how long. I'm a fucking idiot. Really not smart on my part. That place was really bad on my mental health growing up, so going back there sort of.... Reheated those old ways of thinking. So I did it. I weighed myself.

I'm at my highest. Legitimately.

1. I don't like that number on the scale.

2. My body doesn't look how I want it to look.

3. I don't care enough to do anything about it.

So I'm still on top. I acknowledge I'm not exactly happy where am physically, and I move on with my day. I notice it, I shrug, I go do whatever I wanna do.

It's fucking sweet. I honestly never EVER thought I'd get to this. Have a body I used to despise, be in a body I don't particularly like, see a number that would ruin me, and being able to just shrug it off like it never really mattered. Best feeling ever. Holy shit. It just doesn't fucking MATTER ANYMORE. Can I get a W in the chat.

On a less cool note, my coworker put his dog down today. I babysat that dog a lot, loved them. It's been rough. It's brought up a lot of pain from when I put my own dog down, absolutely excruciating. By far the worst thing I have ever been through. And I've been though enough to put anyone in therapy, but man.... Putting down my dog fucked me up majorly. And it's just bubbling up again, the sadness and pain and fear. Reliving it all. Getting nightmares again too.

I haven't gone grocery shopping in weeks. Dreading it for some reason.

[skippyv20]

Pin's August To-Do List

Hi Skippy & Friends-Pilgrim checking in as we stock up popcorn for the reeellly big September show! Diplomats crunch their agendas early, so what could our intrepid "mania-lomat" have on her to-do list as their trip looms in a few weeks...perhaps some of these? 1. How many designer outfits have arrived and which ones have not donated? Book seamstress for Labor Day week-end. Pack safety pins and tape for fittings on the road. 2. Upload new computer paint program on my travel laptop. Upgrade my cellphone with more storage. Find my computer case that locks. 3. Make sure all persons on this junket have signed the new non-disclosure forms, understanding they are paying upfront for their own expenses. Individual expense reports will be reviewed and paid, if and when I feel like it. Photographers who make cash on the side will not get one red cent from any of our bank accounts and will be sued for causing emotional trama. 4. Pack all new wigs/extensions. Order more hats with attached long hair. Make sure make-up team has waterproof makeup for damp weather! Check new denture shipment! Stock up on cannibis meds with new pain prescription from all the polo stretching-I am sooo smart. 5. Call Mom...has she agreed to the new contract and payment scale for fake babysitting services? Cut her off is she stalls and try Tom or the Fosters or the Figueras? 6. Pack only the new, bright, kids toys just ordered. Show the crew how to display them-peeking out of trunks and jet doors, as if we really are parents of young kids. 7. Book the wire guy to demo the new equipment asap! Pack back-up systems and batteries. Find H so he shows up. 8. Sneak a check on H's phone to see if he has plans to meet with lawyers, relatives or old friends! 9. Keep repeat dialing O-she has to call me back or else! 10. Confirm the jet owners flight crew fully stocks only my favorite foods and booze, but do have lots of bags of chips & bottled water for the film crew. 11. Final touches on the new articles to be submitted to editors in chronological order to send off as we travel. 12. Deadlines for photoshopped imagery is next week. All work, per my instructions, to be approved before attached to articles or I will start screaming and throwing things. 13. Call Markus-confirm our "comp" SOHO suites and partee invites. That should do it...over and out from a pleasantly cool Cape.

This is great….it’s like you can read her mind…..😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂