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coucouatoi · 9 months

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we're not who we used to be | h.s.

Pairing: Harry Styles X Reader

Summary: Some letters you've written but never sent to Harry over the years.

Warnings: Angst... so much... there's some fluff, emphasise on the some, there's a hopeful ending tho!

A/N: Sooo this is the childhood friends to strangers fic no one asked for... Hope you all enjoy! This is my writing debut in Harry land :)

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April 10' 2010

To: Harry Styles From: Your first fan

Hiya Harry,

It's currently 11:29 pm about 10 hours away from your audition. I figured since you told me to stop praising you and boosting your ego, I'm writing down the rest of the things I want to say.

Firstly, I know you're going to smash it! All the judges are going to want you in. There's no chance that they won't see how special you are, how you're the next big thing.

I won't let you back out of it last second! Anne, Gemma and I are ready to drag you onto the stage, we've discussed it thoroughly...

Secondly, I'm already so proud of you. This is a huge step, I know how nervous you are about it. How you think that everything is going to go wrong and that you'll fail. I've got enough hope in you for the both of us. I'll stand by your side the whole time and I'll cheer the loudest.

To finish, you're Harry Styles. You can do anything.

Break a leg superstar!!

Cheering you on already,

Your first-ever fan

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December 12' 2010

To: Harry Styles From: Your biggest fan

Harry!

You've made it all the way to the finals! It's crazy! I knew you could do it but seeing you go further and further has been surreal.

I hope you and the other boys get along well! We haven't had much chance to really gossip about it all, you seem excited with them!

The finale is set to start in about 2 hours and I had to get some emotions out (my mom was tired of hearing them... rude) Anyway! I remembered that I had written you a letter a few months ago and now I'm back in this notebook.

I'm so nervous, excited and kind of nauseous about watching the last episode tonight. I can't even imagine what you're feeling right now... You must be so scared but incredibly jittery!

I'm counting the days until I get to see you again! I want to hear everything that's happened behind the scenes! You know how nosy I am!

I've already taken up two pages so I'll stop for now.

You can do this!

Talk to you soon,

Your favourite person ever

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March 7' 2011

To: You From: Me <3

You called me Angel today...

I don't know what to make of that.

I had so many butterflies in my stomach.

Could you call me that again?

You're my favourite person,

Angel

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November 20' 2011

To: Harry From: Angel

Boo!

You finally let me listen to the full album today! Said you had to be there when I listened to it so you could give me all the secrets. You also wanted to see live how I reacted to every song. You're too cute.

"I Want" is my current favourite.

You did tell me that you'd resonated with a lot of the lyrics you sang on this album. That almost scares me.

How did you relate? Who was going through your mind?

You do have the world at your feet now. I shouldn't feel jealous but I do like having you all to myself. Don't worry I'll get used to sharing...

The Up All Night Tour is starting soon! I'm happy that you've invited me to come to some shows. I'll be there no matter if I have to miss school.

I have to show all these newbies that I'm THE biggest Harry Styles fan out there!

Hopefully, you thought about me while signing.

Because I think about you all the time,

Your favourite fan.

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April 13' 2012

To: Harry From: Angel

G'Day Mate!

So you're officially all the way in Australia now! That's so exciting I wish that you could have stuffed me into your suitcase... sniff

I bet it's super warm there! Or not wait their seasons aren't the same as ours, are they? I'm not even sure...

Hopefully, you can tan a little while you're there! Don't go near any animals or insects!!

I miss you a lot, maybe I'll send this one (spoiler I definitely won't).

Talk to you soon hopefully.

Go swim in the ocean,

Someone who wants to be in it

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August 29' 2012

To: Harry From: Angel?

You haven't come to see me since you've been back.

Too busy being a celebrity?

I've been seeing all these tabloids... I'm not allowed to be jealous I know but I miss you.

I hope you've missed me.

I really really wish you were here with me or that I was with you wherever you are now.

I just want to be us.

Have you forgotten your friend from the small town already?

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January 1' 2013

To: Harry From: Someone You've Hurt

I don't know what to think,

You kissed me. It made me happy.

You said it was a New Year's kiss.

You said you drank too much, it hurt.

You ended up kissing someone else about 20 minutes later.

That hurt even more it almost made me feel used.

I'm happy you were my first kiss.

I don't think you'll even remember it,

Y/N

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November 27' 2014

To: Harry From: Me

I love the new album, took me a while to finally listen to it. I thought you'd come home and make me listen to it in your presence.

You didn't. The first album that I've listened to alone.

Spaces and Fools Gold are my favourite songs. I wonder how many lyrics you resonate with. How many of them did you write?

Come home?

Only for a day please,

Your first Angel

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October 21' 2015

To: Harry From: Y/N

It's been a while,

It's your mom's birthday today. Well only for a few more hours...

She invited my family and me to the party, and of course we went. I didn't think you'd be there. I haven't seen you in almost a year.

It was fun.

Catching up about everything that's been going on with you and the band. Your life is so much more interesting than mine now.

I'm just a boring college student... you're this huge star but that's ok there's no one like you for me, you're my safe place. No matter how far away.

You asked about my love life and I told you about the date I had a few days ago. You asked if we had sex, I lied and said yes. I didn't want to embarrass myself by telling you no one's ever been with me like that.

We ended up getting drunk. Too drunk.

We fucked.

You took my virginity and you have no idea... should I tell you? You were so good. So gentle, loving but you fucked with a purpose, you needed to get off. I won't ever see your childhood bedroom the same way.

This was only a few hours ago.

I've felt every emotion about it. Now I'm crying because I know you'll find someone new to share a bed with. I'm just a notch in your headboard.

It meant everything to me.

But I think I regret it...

Y/N

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May 12' 2017

To: You From: Me

Really?

I hope Only Angel isn't about me.

But I'm overanalysing every single song. Is one about me? Did you think of me while making this album?

We haven't talked since the last time we saw each other. When we fucked again. It wasn't even the second time, after your mom's birthday two years ago we never stopped. It's all we do when we see each other.

It doesn't make me feel all that much better but I feel like if it wasn't for that we wouldn't even know each other anymore.

I'm moving away this year. Got a job offer in Canada and I'm taking it.

Maybe I'll get over you... hopefully.

I can't live my whole life waiting for someone who I don't know anymore.

I'm blocking your number.

I miss who we used to be,

Your first-ever fan

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December 4' 2019

To: H From: Y/N

Hello,

You've crawled your way back into my life, Harry. This morning, you decided to send me your album. Your new one, Fine Line. Your fans haven't even heard it yet. The public hasn't either.

You didn't write a single thing in your email, the mp3 link was staring me down with your automated signature. Not even a greeting.

I shouldn't have listened to it.

I don't know why you sent it to me. We haven't spoken or crossed paths in over a year. Not since I moved and tried to get rid of every way of contact between us.

I still haven't answered, I don't think I will.

You don't get to know what I feel about it. Not anymore.

I'm sorry Harry.

I've moved on,

Y/N

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December 13' 2019

To: H From: Y/N

Your new album came out today.

I'm proud of you even if we are strangers now.

You're a superstar.

I always knew you would be,

Y/N

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March 17' 2020

To: H From: Y/N

I saw that you had to postpone your tour.

You must feel so defeated.

I know I do. Everything's been closed and opened and closed again here in Canada. It's getting exhausting.

I hope the world starts working again soon.

This all sucks...

Crossing my fingers for the tour,

Y/N

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May 18' 2022

To: Harry From: Y/N

Hi,

You sent me the album before the release again.

This time you did say something: I miss you Angel, Can we meet up?

I didn't think I could feel so many butterflies in my stomach. I felt like a teenager again. And I cried more than once listening to Harry's House.

I'm still considering if I should answer... if I do what should I choose? Should I agree and go into the unknown or forget it happened and keep on going with my life?

I miss you too... the one I knew. Not the one who used me. I guess I used you too... How did we get here?

All I want is to be loved and to be in love.

I'm not sure if I'm ready for the hurt this will bring but maybe I should just be a grown-up about this...

I want you back in my life.

That scares me,

Y/N

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August 16' 2022

To: Harry From: Y/N

Well,

I'm going to the Love On Tour today and after we are going to "meet". We even have until the 20th because that is when your next show is, after today obviously.

You were so excited when I agreed.

It's almost as if no time has passed when we text (he changed his number in the last few years... no need for an embarrassing unblocking).

My friend, the one who convinced me to agree, helped me pick out an outfit. Thankfully for her, I won't stick out like a sore thumb in the crowd of feather boas and cowboy hats.

I really want this to work.

I want to believe that we can be good again. We can be healthy for one another again but I'll be worried until I see you.

Until we speak.

I won't let myself touch you, I have a feeling that it would be far too easy to fall back into a bed. Maybe a hug would be okay.

I'm excited for the show, to see the Superstar Harry Styles in action. After so many years you have to have evolved so much.

You aren't little Harry from Worcestershire anymore.

I'm not the same person I once was either.

See you tonight.

Break a leg,

Y/N

#harry styles x reader #harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry x reader #harry styles fic #harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n

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aftersamu · 1 year

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THE EXIT PAIRING: r.suna x gn!reader GENRE: angst + exposure of the bet trope (enemies to lovers to enemies)

it gets personal at the end, and this has such a different energy to anything i've written before. like there's harsh words, fucked up tropes, and it's definitely more 2010 teen drama. proceed with caution <3

a party.

people crowding the living room and backyard of the house, 20+ bottles of alcohol, red cups lining every table and surface, casual hookups, and girls rushing to the bathroom to throw up, and others blacked out on the grass.

you lost suna throughout the night, got invested in a conversation with a girl you've never spoken to before. and once you realised he was gone, you searched for him.

asking around for his whereabouts, getting closer and closer to finding a distinct location. osamu told you where to go, and you went. ducking underneath the velvet rope blocking off steps, and heading up.

turning every corner, trying to open every door, with a ear pressed to each closed surface. and down the hall, at the corner, a small ray of light illuminates the hallway.

you walk forward, starting to hear the hushed conversation and walking on your toes, holding your breath in your chest as you approach the slightly opened door.

back pressing against the wall, hiding in the shadows you listen. maybe it's nothing serious and you're being nosey, feeding off drama that might not even involve you.

until you hear your name.

"so, how are things going between the two of you?" atsumu, his voice is easily identifiable. "it's been a couple months since they've stopped hating you, i take it's a good sign."

"look, i don't think this is a good idea anymore." suna sighs, "it was fun for a while, but it's getting pretty serious now."

"you going soft rintarō?" atsumu teases, "i thought you hated that bitch, now you're sympathetic? what happened?"

"i don't know man, my fucking morals kicked in, i guess." suna quips, he's frustrated. you can see his shadow pacing around. "look this was fun, the games, but i don't know if i can do it anymore."

"so... you fucked?" atsumu bluntly remarks, "come on mate, i'm not stupid. you wouldn't be backing out unless you two fucked."

"yeah, well, it happened and now i'm screwed because you're a dickhead and i'm an idiot." suna scoffs, "it ends now, i'll give you the money, i don't want to do this stupid bet anymore."

bet. of fucking course, how cliche of them. how naive of you to think of giving suna a chance, he's a dickhead, you knew that. but, there's no way he spent six months trying to get in good with you for a bet.

no amount of money could have him commit for this long. or at least you think, it was a moment of boredom and a way to make easy money. two rich kids who have nothing better to do other than drop a grand on a bet.

a gambling scheme.

with twist and turns, challenges and money rewards. to keep them both interested in the little plan, one that has been pulled straight from a reality tv show.

"you're backing out now? it's been half a year, i think it's too late to feel remorse now." atsumu states, "do you need a recap of how much money we've bet? do you know how much money has been exchanged during this entire ordeal?"

"no, i don't, and don't be a dick." suna snaps, "you are just as much a part of this as i am."

"yeah, but i wasn't the one who brought it up." atsumu retorts, "i wasn't the one who stood up, and bet that i could get in good with them. that i could manipulate them with my killer charm."

"yes, but you proposed those sick side bets. bring them to the party, kiss them on this day, get them to make the first move within a week." suna mocks, "you're no better than me."

"so what? you going to go down there and tell them that you've been manipulating them for a little extra cash? that you've been fucking around with others the same time you've been buying them flowers, and making them eggs in the morning?"

your heart is beating hard against your chest, is it the anger, sadness, or alcohol that's giving you vertigo? is it the betrayal that causes all feeling to escape from your body, or is it how you feel like a complete idiot that sends you barging into the room.

you kick the door wide open, face red, and eyes already watering. the look of shock on suna's face and fear that paints it, and atsumu's smugness ever so present.

"don't even try." you say, holding up a finger to stop the brunette from saying anything. it's so funny, you can't seem to stop the manic smile from growing on your lips.

"let me explain–"

"oh, yeah sure. i don’t hate you babe, i never hated you, i love you, you’re everything i need. you’re the only one who understands me, and sees me. i can’t hate you." you mock, bringing up the words he spoke to you. "shut the fuck up suna."

it's as if those months have vanished, and all you feel is pure hate and rage towards those eyes that you thought you loved.

"you definitely outdid yourself with this one, this whole fucking twisted six month plan of yours.” you dryly laugh, bringing your hands up, "oh, but love, i don't feel that way, i tried to back out." you mimic. "go fuck yourself."

god, you seem so delusional.

"it's not like that!"

"yeah, and i like totally care." you say, rolling your eyes, "you don't mean shit. so pay miya what you owe and move on, because you lost! that's what you get for being a fucking cunt."

"love, you're drunk." suna sighs, taking a step towards you.

"don't come near me," you deadpan. "you manipulative, sick fuck. you will never be good enough for anybody, no one will ever love you, your sister doesn't even want to see you. i see you, and you're an insecure, needy, fucking freak."

you want to strike a nerve, and you know you have. you want to cause pain, regain some dignity that you've lost. you may have seen the worst of him, but he has not seen the worst of you.

"i'm done with you, i fucking hate you... and you're friends are hotter."

#haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#hq drabbles #hq fanfic #hq #hq x reader #hq imagines #suna rintaro drabbles #suna rintaro #suna angst #suna x reader #haikyuu suna #suna rintarou #suna x y/n #hq suna #hq x you

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insertsomthinawesome · 1 year

Note

Hi! Do you have any TWST friendship headcanons about the dormheads? They are definetely a chaotic friend group!

Also love your art! It's so pretty!!

OH ABSOLUTELY. First of all, Thank you so much!! THat makes me so happy to hear ;;v;; ONTO SHENANIGANS: A LOT if not pretty much all of this falls into non-canon-compliant territory, and I'm only partway through Book 5 so I could either totally guess soimething or completely mess something up, but here are my braincells

Vil and Leona: I LOVE these two. I think they have some of the most fantastic worstie to bestie potential. And in a weird way??? I think Vil is the kind of person Leona needs? Like, Vil can be a little too harsh, and in my personal opinion too much of a perfectionist (Not for the character tho, just if he was a real person xD As a character trait its 10/10 good writing) but the fact that he refuses to stop seeing the potential in Leona??? Thats something that I really think Leona NEEDS. People who are like "What are you talking about? You have the possibility to be so much if you just tried." Like that last part is harsh yeah, but I think Vil really has this... he has this Rook-like ability to believe in the potential of other people in a way that isn't actually as cynical as it comes across. If he learned to work more with Leona than against him, I actually think the two of them would have such a strong power duo potential.

Leona needs to see Vil for the Roses rather than the Thorns. He needs to see more of what Vil is SAYING, where he's coming from rather than just the words themselves. I think if Leona really comprehended how much Vil believed in him, like, ACTUALLY believed in him, i think he would be genuinely moved, genuinely shook and full of wonder that somebody saw so much potential in him, as so much more than being a failure or a freak.

However I think if they actually became friends Epel might have to take a week off for mourning because he could no longer go to Leona to escape the wrath of Vil xD

Idia and Malleus: Okay so starsending started me on this one, I think they would actually really vibe. Idia is an introverted Loner, he has a hard time with high energy people who make a lot of noise. Mallues CAN be a lot, but honestly he tends to... not be. Its more like the A Lot follows him. ei when he interacts with Yuu and essentially just ends up being a nerd. The specific image i've had in my head, is i feel like Idia could play animal crossing with Malleus watching him, and the two of them could vibe for H O U R S. Malleus would make the occasional comment or go on the occasional tangent, but he seems less like he needs people to engage with him sometimes, and sometimes just like he needs people to listen. And Idia isn't actually that bad at engaging with people!! He's got internet friends (lilia lol) which means he does know something about sustaining relationships and talking to people I also think that Malleus would probably find Idia's way of talking fascinating SLDFKJSDLGJSLDJG. As long as he wasn't mocked for not understanding, he'd probably find it downright interesting to listen to Idia explain internet memes from 2010 and talk about the history of Loss. I also think that Idia could really be a safe and quiet spot for malleus when things are hard. I feel like part of Malleus's frustrations, and why we see him run away from Sebek and Silver, despite both of them being family he obviously loves, is that, with the exception of Lilia, Both of them make a BIG DEAL out of things. Silver tends to be quieter and less explosive, but they both do. Sometimes I think Malleus just wants to be alone to process, or not be pestered or questioned. I think Idia could potentially be that safe and quiet spot where he's ready to listen, but not necessarily interested in making a big deal about it. If they became better friends he might not even ask, just offer quiet empathy.

Kalim and Leona: -Spoilers for Leona's Union bday card, since it hasn't released in English yet- OH BOY.... THESE TWO. First of all!!! ANother relationship that I think could do a lot of good for Leona??? Kalim doesn't really need him for anything, but he's a well of low expectation positivity, somebody who I can see dragging Leona out to do things, or even just, once in a while so honestly state the worth he sees in Leona that it causes Leona to stutter and pause. Like, Leona's union bday card mentioning that he'd have Kalim with him on a deserted Island cause people would come ot rescue Kalim....... O U CH??????? There's a running Narrative that Kalim doesn't really see the value in himself, and this would be another person (like Azul) who would contradict that. Leona sees a more cynical version of his value, but its still value all the same. And Leona likes to gripe and groan, but he's adopted like, half the characters who are younger than him, I don't think he's immune to Kalim Al-Asim at ALL. It doesn't help that Leona is already a Tsunderely doting uncle, I can see Kalim triggering the Uncle-Instincts in him sometimes... or a lot. The loud and upbeat disposition Similar to Cheka's wouldn't help. Specifically, because I've thought about these two being friends before, I've always loved this idea of a post book 4 sequence where Kalim like, kind wanders into the greenhouse to find somewhere to cry privately, but he runs into leona napping. Leona doesn't really want to deal with Kalim, so while he's blubbering through his explanation he's just like "Fine you can chill here as long as you're quiet" Kalim accepts... but Leona has beastman hearing, so even what might be considered reasonably quiet is loud to him, and he eventually caves and asks whats up. Just to get Kalim to shut up eventually. I think maybe I had a conclusion or an idea for what advice leona would give kalim, but I don't remember it at the moment, but yeah just. Them :) I think their dynamic could be really interesting.

Malleus and Leona: So ya'll who saw my whumptobers already know I have some bad braincells for these two clowns. I think they are jealous of each other, because they think the other has what they want, they think that they see the other squandering the gifts they've been given, being fools and idiots who don't appreciate what they have. Leona craves being accepted, having the crown, having the power to fix what he sees that is wrong, to actually have and impact in people's lives, to matter and to fit in. Malleus craves normality, he craves to be one of the masses, just another man among many, he doesn't wish for power, and he cares little for the catastrophic effect he can have on other people, he just wants to be invited. He just wants to be included. Leona sees Malleus as having the power to do what matters. Malleus sees Leona as having the gift of Normality and camaraderie. Ultimately they're both miserable where they're at (though not entirely. Leona loves his squad, Malleus loves his family, both of them have things they'd never dare give up.) and they think if they just had what the other had, they would achieve the things they deserve and desire. I think both of them would have to sort through a LOT of emotions if it ever clicked for them just how similar they are. They're of course seeing each other through rose colored glasses. Leona is not an everyman, he's feared by his own family, Malleus is not all powerful, he cannot stop the tick of death. Leona is persecuted for being "less than" his brother, Malleus is held so far above everybody else he can't be reached. This would take some time for both of them to process, but I think once they did there would be a chance for them to become good allies, and potentially even really good friends. THose are my main braincells!! I honestly think that making any of the dorm leaders interact is fantastic food for thought and relationship building. I would love to think over what it'd be like to grow a friendship between Azul and Riddle, or Vil and Malleus. Leona and Azul would be INCREDIBLE and fascinating!!! Like man, there's so much to work with in TWST. I realized this might be a little to the left of your question ^^;; Haha, If you were asking about more like, I guess lighearted headcanons, I'm not sure I have any yet!! But I'm sure with time I totally could :) Writing or playing with TWST characters intimidated me for a bit there, since the quality of the writing of the game was SO GOOD I felt there was no way I could do it justice. Now I feel a lot less intimidated, so i feel like I'm more likely to dig my hands into shenanigans and thoughts.

#isa screams #anonymous #twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland book 4 spoilers #twst leona #twst malleus #twst idia #twst vil #twst kalim #leona kingscholar #kalim al-asim #vil schoenheit #idia shroud #malleus draconia #these boys can fit so many complex relationships in them #saluting my friends for telling me that horrible information about (leona Union Bday card spoilers) leona forgetting that #he is royalty and would be saved. because he feels so devalued as a prince.#that he thinks he needs an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT PRINCE #for people to care enough to save him :(#also for telling me that Leona adopts like. all of the freshman and i think some of the sophmores slowly throughout the story dflajsdflkSJD #leona is not capable of not going 'oh a little guy' send tweet WHEEZE #i desperately crave idia and malleus playing animal crossing for hours on end #doing nothing but chilling and chatting about silly and lighthearted things #Vil 'say something that doesn't sound like its antagonistic' challenge 2023 #TBF he's doing it on purpose most of the time cause he doesn't like mincing words or wasting time so.#and sometimes he has a point xD #Leona also intentionally pokes him so honestly what does he think will happen asdlfkjSDLKFJSDGLJSDG #Leona and Malleus 'deal with your emotional constipation' challenge 2023

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grison-in-space · 8 days

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You know, I was just thinking about the It Get Better Project. It rolled out when I was in college, and I distinctly remember my college Lambda Alliance* holding it with a certain level of sardonic, bitter cynicism. We were all pretty conscious of exactly how hard "it gets better" weighs when you're actively in the process of making it better. And that process can be heartbreaking. I was still under the impression that I could find out some way to come out to my parents that would make them want to listen to me and, like, give the tiniest shit about what I was feeling about anything. (The answer was no, but to be fair it's not like anyone gave the tiniest shit about what I felt before that either.)

I knew other people who had strained relationships with family, too. Or, well, we all lived in the South, and like all young adults we were considering whether we were going to flee to a more friendly state or what. The thing about interstate moves is that they're terrifying and expensive and have no guarantee of success, and that's never truer than when you aren't sure how much you can lean on a support network.

In 2010, there was this optimistic air that gay rights were just marching along with the passing of the years like an automatic rolling out of morality; it had been almost thirty years since the first traumatic shock of AIDS hit queer communities, and the enormous backlash against trans folks hadn't started to swing yet. To be honest, that's how that project landed. I mean, I know that as an ace twenty one year old, I'd never been all that impressed by Dan Savage. I never had any sense that anything was going to be better for me unless I rolled up my sleeves and took part in the collective labor of making it happen. And I remember talking to my friends at that Lambda Alliance about that.

It's hard to put your trust in things being sure to get better when you're actively putting in all the painful labor of making it better today, both by trying to advocate for other folks in your life and by changing things about yours. Like, how can you be sure "it will get better" when you're fighting for your family to accept you, and the thing that actually makes your life better is to stop trying? You have a lot more power as an adult, but sometimes all that means is the power to flee your home and become a wandering fugitive until you can find or make a new one. It's not the kind of thing you promise a kid, I thought then. But maybe I'm just too cynical.

So now I'm curious about people who weren't me. Bonus if you feel called to explain why.

*IDK, maybe we were all a pack of radicals? It was a state school in the South and at least four people at that time went on to careers of advocacy and activism; maybe we weren't representative? And I'm not counting me, but I've also published on queering biology, so... maybe I should, who knows.

#pride #queer #youth #idk I just remember my then PI interrogating me about my queerness in 2013 #and being utterly convinced that things were definitely so much better now #and just. nah my dude.#so I always want to know what other folks are thinking #because that's how I calibrate myself for other experiences #by listening

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tw0starz · 3 months

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this is my 2nd fucking time typing this all out. i hate tumblr's mobile layout so much you have no idea.

OKAY SO, taking this from the top, I have a "hot take." ( @cxrpse-can , if u wanna weigh in on this topic :3 <3 )

hey babes that had a "2020 alt phase" and now make fun of alt people online,

you were never alt. you were a fucking poser.

I see. FAR TOO MANY PEOPLE ONLINE. who were ""ALT"" back in 2020, laugh at alt people and make fun of them.

Alt people spawned from music genres. Alt POSERS spawned from "tiktok trend" garbage and seriously bad FOMO.

If your "alt phase" was that short even, you never gave a fuck about the actual music. I've also seen people bring up industry plants in the music industry, where these people don't know a thing about alt music and the subculture as a whole. But they're professionally made to look like they're alternative artists.

Alt people themselves have an actual string of morals they all agree with. it is an INGRAINED PART of the community. you want my credentials to this? hi, i was raised by my parents, whom one was in a black metal band, and the other introduced me into most of what I listen to today. as a kid, i remember my mom taking me into a hot topic so she could buy herself stuff in the early 2010s. We're a household of satanists. I am well fucking qualified to give my 2 cents on this.

Alt people stick it to the man. Alt people are really about fighting for what they believe in, and spitting in the face of oppression and authority. The WORD "ALTERNATIVE" IS THAT IT IS ""ALTERNATIVE"" to what SOCIETY DEEMS "NORMAL," it's why over the years, it has become an ALL ENCOMPASSING UMBRELLA TERM. me personally, i dont enjoy being titled "alt," but I've always felt that way. ive felt that way since 2018-2019, when the term became widely used online. my cousin tried telling me, "you're not emo, you're alt. that's what it's called now." - I then looked at her and said "that's stupid, im emo." - But that's honestly just my personal preference.

to my alternative babes,

i love you.

ALL races, sexualities, genders, religions, disabilities, ethnicities, sizes, economic backgrounds... everyone. all of you. you are ALL welcome on my page. I will fight for, and with you, until the day i die. and then the bones of me will keep fighting; for, and with you. you are all wonderful people. truly. dont let posers cramp your style. be yourself, dont let any motherfucker stop you. <3

#alternative #queer community #alt community #emo scene #scene emo #emo #goth #mall goth #punk

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frodo-with-glasses · 10 months

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25 Questions with Phil Dragash: YES, SERIOUSLY!

So y'all know how I was reviewing Phil Dragash's audiobook of LotR last year, but kinda fell off somewhere in the middle of Rohan?? Well, guess what! A couple weeks ago, I received a tumblr message from the man himself, saying he'd read through all my reviews, had really enjoyed the little blast from the past, and was open to answering questions if I had any!

So of course, I had LOTS of questions.

The first one being: "Are you actually the real Phil Dragash??"

But I'm delighted to say that after exchanging emails with the work email listed on his website, I can confidently say that it is the real dude, and I've had a blast chatting with him! So for those of you who urged I listen to this audiobook—especially @laurelindorenan for her glowing recommendation—and for everyone else who likes the audiobook and/or enjoyed my reviews: I am delighted to present, ladies and gentlehobbits, this peek behind the curtain!

But of course I'm putting it all below the cut, because this man rambles like I do 🤣

Obligatory disclaimer: All opinions presented by Mr. Dragash are his own, I am not necessarily condoning any of them; please do not come after me for his opinions regarding pineapple on pizza.

25 QUESTIONS, LET'S GO!

1. Tell me how you got into Lord of the Rings!

I was ten years old when my dad took me to the library, and found a VHS copy of Ralph Bakshi’s 1978 animated Lord of the Rings film. I was already a fan of the “Chronicles of Narnia” and my dad just handed the tape to me and said “Look, C.S. Lewis’s friend made this”. I watched it, and had no idea what was going on. It was so hard to understand.

Fast forward to the year 2002 when “Fellowship” was out on DVD, and we had a movie night at my older cousin’s place, and watched the film for the first time. My 13 year old self was enraptured by it. Dad bought the DVD first thing the next day, and I’ve been a fan ever since! I, my brother, and our dad watched “Return of the King” in theaters four times, which was saying something, considering we only ever saw a movie once in cinemas. Between “The Return of the King” opening in December ‘03, I picked up the books and read (as well as I could) through them. A lot of friends kept joking “tell us how the damn story ends!”, good times.

2. When and how did you decide to make this audiobook? What’s the story behind the entire project?

I was a very ambitious lad, and my first and biggest interest was filmmaking. I used to direct short films with my friends ever since my 11th birthday, and was the youngest in class at the filmschool I attended a few years later. So it shouldn’t be a surprise that I had massive ambitions to direct “the Hobbit”, which is silly in retrospect considering I was 16 years old at the time. I even sent my portfolio and DVDs of my films to Peter Jackson’s manager (who actually got back to me with a wonderful response, despite not being able to accept my ‘completely reasonable’ offer) When I was heartbroken and torn to pieces knowing I wouldn’t be directing the movie, a few more years went by, and I decided to reread some chapters of the “Lord of the Rings” books. I remember really well that this was late at night, laying in bed, and going through “King of the Golden Hall” and seeing how close to the movies it was, but also far more expanded. I thought “my extensive home-made short movies experience with sound design and sound mixing could work here, and I could just read a few chapters and try to make the soundscape as realistic as possible. Why not try it?”

So, the next day I tried. The first two chapters I tried were “King of the Golden Hall” and “A Journey in the Dark” (which partly answers your other question about that chapter). I was so absolutely surprised by how well it was going, that I decided to upload them onto YouTube in March 2010 I think. I got a fairly good response, and I was planning on doing a few more random chapters. I never intended to do the whole thing. But this one comment on YouTube I’ll always remember, it said: “I think you should go from start to finish, because you’ll probably get used to the characters and sounds and people can also follow along in the story gradually”.

Taking that suggestion to heart, in August 2010 I went from Chapter 1 onward.

3. Were you inspired by any other audiobook versions of LotR (such as the BBC radio drama)?

I was not, I actually haven’t listened to the BBC Radio drama until far ahead into the project I was doing. I did some research on what other audio productions anyone did with LOTR, from The Mind’s Eye edition, to the ‘60s Hobbit Radio Play; so I felt pretty confident. I just fell in love with the way the films brought Middle-Earth to life and seeing their incredible dedication for authenticity (from the props department, to the music), you really couldn’t do any better than that visually or audibly - at least in my opinion. I just wanted to hear Tolkien’s text but with the realisation of the films.

However, if you listen to Chapter 1 of TTT, and hear how Legolas laments their absence from not being there to help Boromir at Amon Hen, you can clearly hear the inflection from the BBC Radio play’s version. I just lifted that because I thought it was a fantastic way to deliver the line.

4. Did you have any rituals for “getting into character” before recording?

If I were to show you the raw unedited recording sessions, you’d probably be surprised at how underdeveloped it is! I had no real rituals or warmups, I just went for it. Usually went in cold, and tried reading the entire chapter and doing all the voices at once. Then I’d be exhausted, and afterwards start cutting all the mistakes, and separating each character into different tracks – and then re-recording 50%-70% of it, as I was laying in the sounds.

I think any character just needs a few words for me to say in their voice, and that helps for the rest of their dialogue. For Aragorn it was usually: “You cannot wield it! None of us can.” for Pippin it was: “Sometimes”, just random things that make things ‘click’ in my head. If I got lost or didn’t feel like the performances were working, I’d simply just watch scenes from the films to hear the real actors again!

5. Who was your favorite character to voice? Who was your least favorite? And why?

People who know me, know I love doing the villains. Sauron, the orcs, the Nazgûl, etc. I just love the idea of personifying things that scare you. Something completely the opposite of who you are. Always a fun time! Any character I can nail extremely accurately always makes me happy, but I’m always very critical of my own work, so it’s a rare thing.

My least favorite characters to voice are: Imrahil, Denethor, Arwen, Celeborn, Galadriel, Erestor, Lindir, Haldir, Goldberry, Gildor… I think the pattern is pretty obvious if you realize that I am incapable of providing a satisfactory voice that feels unique enough. They just sound to me like “I wish I had a broader range. They weren’t done justice.” I have feelings for most of the characters in this situation, but I’m a mere mortal. I can’t do all of them as well as I wish I could. I wish Aragorn was more like Viggo Mortensen’s voice (I tried with the nasally yells you mentioned!), I wish Gandalf had a richer tone, I wish Saruman sounded more majestic, and I wish Frodo was - in retrospect- more older sounding, too. There’s so much I wish I could do better, but to hell with it, I tried.

Fun fact: my least-favorite to voice are also Orcs because they destroy my throat after a while. Which is ironic, because of my first statement.

6. I noticed that you gave the men of Rohan and Gondor slightly different dialects! Are you pulling from any real-world accents to make that happen?

I did try to listen to Anglo-Saxon, and ancient norse but I just tried to make Rohan and Gondor slightly distinct in any way I could. I never really tried to make things too obvious, but admittedly, I think I just used my intuition (smoothing the R’s for the Rohirrim, making the Gondorians more ‘proper’, etc.). I do want to emphasize that this was a one-person project and keeping things together or consistent is definitely an extraneous exercise when you’re just trying to get something finished by yourself!

7. Some characters (like Beregond and Quickbeam, to name a couple of my favorites) aren’t in the movies, so they don’t have an actor for you to imitate. How did you decide what they would sound like?

Well, in the case of Beregond, I realized he was just “your ordinary guy”, and seeing Minas Tirith through his eyes (and Pippin’s) is such an amazing and interesting opportunity. It made the city feel so real, and I wanted to take advantage of that. I think I started with a ‘generic’ voice, but when I re-recorded him knowing more and more of the context and what he was saying to Pippin, and as a result who he is, made me adjust what I felt were more his personality. But still that ‘ordinary guy’ idea was the bedrock, and it’s been years since I heard that chapter, but I hope it holds up! (I just remembered Bergil is in that too, another voice I wish I could have done better)

Another fun fact: when Pippin scares the kids in Minas Tirith, the audio was from something I videotaped when I was 10 years old with my friends, it had the perfect “kids-going-aaah!” sound.

If I had it my way, I’d have a cast of dozens in this Audiobook, so a lot of times I never felt like my voice was enough to truly capture the “We’re in Middle-Earth, we just have microphones to record it” idea. So I have to make compromises since I was the only one doing the voices. That being said, Quickbeam was a fun surprise because he felt like, as you said “young treebeard”, and these things just worked out through experimentation! I think Quickbeam turned out pretty nice. I like Quickbeam.

8. HOW—I ask with great enthusiasm—DID YOU DO TREEBEARD’S VOICE? How did you get that resonance and woody sound? Did you send your voice through a wooden box and re-record it on the other side like they did in the movies?

It’s really great that you know all the behind the scenes stories from the films! Especially what Ethan Van der Ryn, David Farmer, and the late Michael Hopkins have done with their incredible creativity. I had no such resources to produce Treebeard’s sound. What I did was a digital facsimile: a special ‘room’ reverb, with some other equalizing effects to boost the bass and (maybe, I can’t remember) another higher pitched track of the same voice faintly in there.

You won’t believe this, but I was not going to do The Two Towers audiobook unless I could do a good Treebeard voice. In 2011 after finishing “Fellowship”, I was on the fence about continuing, and only committed once I knew I could do Treebeard right. Treebeard was the key to all this. This should come to no surprise to the ones who played the game, but I used a lot of sound effects from ‘Battle for Middle-Earth’ which contained a lot of clean sounds for ents, trolls, the balrog, the ringwraiths, and other monsters from the films. I used the ent’s footsteps from the games, and recorded my own foley for some of the trees snapping and leaves rustling as well. The “fart” sounds were the low creaking of tree branches, and - as they stated in the making-of for the films - very pitched down cow moos.

9. Tell me about the foley work! Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always been that nerd who watched the Behind The Scenes featurettes for fun, so I’m very interested to hear how you made the sound effects for footsteps and whistling arrows and jangling horse harnesses and such.

I’m glad you are! I’ve collected sound libraries (ripped from video games, and finding and buying sound packs) for a literal decade, because I always needed sounds for the short films I made when I was younger. I just kept learning about how to mix sounds together, and it’s very creative and very enjoyable! That being said, the foley work itself is mostly recorded by me. If I can’t find a sound in the library I have, I will record it. Clothing rustles, and touch are all recorded while I listen to the audiobook playback and ‘perform’ each character. It’s a really arduous process, but I think it adds so much life into the sound.

I went out into the woods (or backyard) with my mic to record footsteps, sometimes I would listen to the audiobook with headphones while performing the footsteps. When I would have traveled somewhere with different terrain I would be sure to record more foley (rocks being moved, or pebbles being stepped on) knowing I’ll use it for certain chapters. I do not want to reveal a huge secret about the predominant foley for the character's clothes, but an old backpack I used were 90% of the characters’ ‘movements’. Some wingflaps of the fell beasts were just my jeans. It’s a really creative process trying to find things that ‘sound’ right for an environment or action. The magic is putting them all together and hearing the result. Also, yes Sam’s pan is my grandma’s frying pan, and I know it’s sometimes annoying, but - look - Sam has a lot of stuff to carry.

I start with the background sounds (wind, tree rustles, water if there is any, etc.) lots of layers of them just to make them sound unique and not the same. Then I move to selective and nearer environmental background sounds. Then, the ‘hero’ sounds, the effects that are integral to the story (if it’s sword clashes, or an explosion, or who knows what), and finally the foley (footsteps, clothing rustles, breaths, etc.) - I had a friend record her own horses breathing and moving for a lot of closeups of the horses in the audiobooks. I think even if you can’t really hear some of their low breaths, their presence is still ‘there’. I personally think I got a lot better by the end of LOTR than when I started!

I wanted to add, the sounds for little Elanor in the very last scene of “The Return of the King” (the baby sounds), I was not happy with the stock baby sounds I had, and asked my older cousin (an audio person too!) to send me recordings he made of his then-1-year-old daughter in a studio. So, my first-cousin-once-removed is Elanor! She’s 22 now. I feel old.

10. Do you have a favorite sound effect from this project? Mine is the “pat-pat” against cloth that’s used to denote a hug.

Absolutely, do you remember the two “watchers” before the tower of Cirith Ungol? The vulture-like statues that block the hobbit’s path out? The alarm sound is a wholly original sound design I did, and I’m really happy with it. It’s just ugly sounding, and that’s the point. I always wished I had more Nazgul, and I think the worst moments I had with mixing were the battle scenes. There’s just too much to handle and make it sound good. But I really tried.

I’m very glad you heard the ‘pat-pat’s. I try my best to perform every character when recording foley, and want even some of the sounds to convey something in the telling of the story.

11. What's the thought process behind your use of the various musical motifs from Howard Shore's score? (Read: Why do you use the Shire theme so often, and why does it get me in the heart every single time?)

I want everyone to know that this is a really important and valuable question, and one I never really get to talk about: To me, Howard Shore’s music is one of the very best things to come out of the films. He truly made an opera out of the story, and all his leitmotifs and orchestrations are a stroke of genius. They work on their own, and when reading the books as well, and as a nerd for films and all that stuff, I wanted to put a lot of care into how I’m placing the score, and for what scene, emotionally and leitmotivically, if that’s a word.

The Audiobook I did is obviously a ‘standing on the shoulders of giants’ situation, so I can’t credit myself for the majority of the Audiobook I did, but I wanted to use all my filmmaking intuition to properly use the music to enhance the telling of the story. So, just like the filmmakers had to change and mix lines from the book, or make changes to make it work as a film, I felt like a lot of instances happened with the music for the audiobook. Obviously, I used the score when applicable to the intended scenes, but there are very often cases where they won’t work. I read as much as I could in the past about what the motifs were and where Shore used them in the movies, so I followed that trajectory for the most part. Gondor is Gondor, Rohan is Rohan, Mordor is Mordor, etc.

Changes happen when I feel the emotions for a scene in the books do not match up to the ones in the films, and then there are brand new scenes and characters not in the movies at all, that I have to figure out! Take the pause from music between Gandalf falling into the chasm with the Balrog, and the fellowship successfully escaping. It’s perfect in the film, but I knew I couldn’t put the lamenting heartbreaking music in there yet, since the descriptions all drive the idea that escape is paramount. So I treated it as a ‘shock’ moment. No music until they’re completely out of the mountain, then the grief comes in. Things like that, a lot of fun creative thinking to get those emotions working!

I recall you mentioning the ‘Gimli / Legolas drinking game’ statement and how I used the hell out of it throughout the Audiobook, which is a good example. I pitched it up and down, for different moments, and it just has that hobbit mundane and jolly quality to it. So, in it goes to fill moments from the books.

I also edited and modified existing motifs for completely different scenes and ideas. One of my favorites is when Treebeard talks about the Entwives. I needed this melancholy yearning sound that was really essential, and found it by reversing Eowyn’s theme, and pitching it down so the violin sounds like a cello/bass. To me it just felt extremely appropriate for the sound of a long-lost relationship while portraying a larger-than-life creature.

Let’s also say Bombadil. I made up the idea that the last statement in the credits for “Return of the King”, was Bombadil’s theme. It’s actually just a reference to Der Ring des Nibelungen by Wagner, a very verbose beautiful crescendo, but I thought “I’ll pretend like it’s Bombadil, he’s last in the score even though he’s the first in Arda”. So I used that musical progression in his songs, that’s his leitmotif now (to me, anyway) He sings in that wavy up-and-down melody. Which is why you hear a lot of that in those chapters.

I also try to use recordings not from the original score: I looked far and wide for alternative recordings, predominantly the album by the Royal Prague Philharmonic, and the “LOTR Symphony”, just to make the Audiobooks feel different. I pitched down and moved and reassembled a lot of different cues for different scenes as well.

There are not a lot of instances of music from other movies, however, they do exist! I used music from “Battle for Middle-Earth”, the game “War in the North”, and for the last few chapters, “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” since it just came out at the time. I used a lot of music from Howard Shore’s “Seven” and “The Game” during Shelob (I think), and for the Barrow-Downs. I used a tiny bit of underscore from the brilliant Don Davis’s “The Matrix Reloaded”, it had a really eerie choir which made me feel like it would be perfect for the fatigue and dizzying unreality of Mordor when Sam and Frodo were on their last leg, trying to get to Mt. Doom. Lastly, I used a little bit of music from Howard Shore’s “Twilight: Eclipse” for some dialogue scenes during Return of the King! And music from the independent film “Mongol” by Tuomas Kantelinen for the Woses when Theoden has to get help from Ghan-Buri-Ghan. Also the ending of ROTK has a few cues from “The Lord of the Rings musical”, lovely stuff.

It may surprise you that there is a small amount of score I actually ‘wrote’ with help from my brother (he’s a musician). It’s in the coronation of Elessar. It’s not very good but I needed something. There is also a cello version of “to the edge of night”, which I kindly asked permission to use by YouTube celloist, but I sadly don't think that video is up anymore.

Lastly, I use the Shire music so much because - just like Howard Shore said - it becomes a ‘hymn’ or an ‘anthem’ for the hobbits as they leave their comforts behind and are in a wide and unfamiliar world. Every little bit that reminds them of home, or relates to each of them, usually deserves a little ‘shire’ statement here and there. I feel if it’s in the characters’ hearts and minds, it has to be expressed in the music!

12. Out of all the chapters I’ve listened to so far on the Internet Archive, “A Journey in the Dark” is the one most plagued with editing issues; Sam’s temper tantrum over leaving Bill the Pony is cut out entirely. Which is a shame, because I was really looking forward to hearing your take on that. (Is it strange to say that I wanted to hear you break down into blubbering tears? Probably. Let’s ignore that and move on.) Is there any chance that you have a cleaner edit of that chapter somewhere?

I think you’ll be very unsurprised to know that “A Journey in the Dark” is the first chapter I ever recorded. I think you’ll also need to know that I did FOTR when I was 21 years old, and my grasp on doing better sound mixing or even getting the characters right was still a work in progress. I learned so much going chapter-by-chapter and felt that each succeeding one improves from the former. As a demo-run, I did “King of the Golden Hall '' and “Journey in the Dark” in early 2010 (in fact, I did only the first half of “JITD” back then. Stopping right after they are barred inside the mines, as the Watcher destroys the gate. I did the second half once I caught up with the story going chapter-by-chapter.)

There are so many issues with it, and I haven’t listened to it since. If you have headphones you’ll also notice that none of the voices really pan from left to right, or feel like they’re ever anywhere else except the dead-center. I was lazy back then.

When I read the chapters, at the time, I was sharing an ‘office room’ with my younger brother, and as a teenaged younger brother does - continues strumming his guitar no matter what the other brother is doing. It was really fun, and funny and I was extremely sloppy with editing things out, and taking it too seriously. So, for sure you can hear ‘someone’ in the background during the early parts of FOTR, and I was too lazy to re-record or edit out the noises that weren’t supposed to be there.

Forgive me if this part is a lot longer, but now that you mention it, I want to get on my soap-box and rant about how many things I agree with about the Audiobook’s shortcomings and how many things have changed since the wee days of 2010:

I didn’t really get a grasp on the characters, and I had no idea I was going to do the entire book. I did not take enough care with sound mixing (it’s a highly technical and rigorous practice, I’ve discovered. Even now, ten plus years later - it’s too technical for me to fully understand yet), and I did not thoroughly re-listen to the chapter when I was done with an edit or a sound-effects pass. Therefore there’s always been mistakes still in there, and just unpleasantly careless placement of sounds and music. I have often thought about re-recording it to get it up to scratch, but it’s been over a decade and I haven’t properly preserved all the sound stems without having to re-sound-mix the whole chapter again, and there is that little thing called ‘burnout’ which is hard to ignore. So, I apologize to everyone who has to suffer through that huge drop in quality with “A Journey in the Dark”. It quite literally was my first attempt, and it definitely shows.

The good news is that a fan asked me the same thing about the missing piece in that chapter (the one you mentioned! With Sam and Bill!), and I’ve heard the same comments about it throughout the years. Why is it missing? I don’t know why! I recorded it, but in my loose run-and-gun past when I was a wee lad, I was careless, and just had the mp3 with that part missing. A rendering error, perhaps! Stupid 21 year old Phil just hodgepoging everything.

A Few months ago, I did get another email about that missing piece. I thought “okay, once and for all, I’m going to find that missing part.” - and I searched my old harddrives for some kind of archival copy with that part in it. Amazingly, it was a lot harder to find than I thought. Every rendered version of JITD either stopped right before that scene, or had it omitted. I actually found one half of it as a ‘demo’ piece I rendered years ago for a ‘sound trailer’, and then I finally found the original YouTube video I made - which had it intact! Now the hardest part was stitching it together with the rest. Took longer than I thought, but I finally amended this horrible incompetence. And yes, I will share the link to you! And be prepared to be disappointed at the 2010-era quality!

I don’t know if anyone knows this, but with the mp3s circling around, I have taken the liberty of re-recording and re-working some chapters from their original versions. I try my best to preserve the originals, but I also wish people to listen to the re-records. I have actually re-recorded and re-mastered “A Long-Expected Party” three times. 2011, 2013, and 2014. I re-recorded “King of the Golden Hall” in 2013, and “Shadow of the Past” in 2014. I usually try labelling the dates on the mp3 files themselves. The one I’m most proud of re-recording bits of, is “The Pyre of Denethor” as the first time I had Denethor say his last words he was mildly raising his voice, but I listened to it again one day and went “this man should be at the edge of sanity.” - so he absolutely yells now, and it’s such a night-and-day comparison.

Another addendum: I completely understand the complaints about ‘the sound/music drowning out the dialogue’. It’s been the #1 complaint over the decade. I completely understand. I never had professional sound mixing gear, nor did I have proper mixing headphones or speakers or a proper studio (most of the audiobook was recorded at my grandmother’s house!). The balance of the audio making it sound immersive, (like you are there!) and having clear dialogue to hear is - like I said - an extremely technical and complex process that I’ve never had the ability or tech to master. Let alone for a book that’s 48 hours long, and has so much sound and music to it. Nothing would bring me more joy than to work with an experienced sound mixer, and find all my audio stems, and for us to work together to clear up any and all issues. But as this project was a simple fan-made work, and I haven’t distributed it myself for a decade, who knows?

This is also why I never went on to do “The Hobbit”. Burnout is real, and I’ve never recovered from LOTR. The burnout… “it’s never really healed, Sam.”

13. What was your favorite scene to record and mix?

Mount Doom. Can’t get better than trying to make the climax as horrible and eucatastrophic as that. It all led up to this, and it was such a rush to work on. I remember how I was at the edge of my seat watching ROTK in cinemas for the first time, and how amazingly they pulled it off, and I wanted to definitely imitate that, but using Tolkien’s own writing. Just so cool.

I have two favorite chapters: The first one is “The Scouring of the Shire”. I remember well, when I was working on it, I realized this has never been ‘dramatized’ before. At least not in full. I felt so special being the first one (probably) to do it. I could imagine the entire chapter in my head like a film, and I could bring it to life with very little outside influence. Such a poignant and shocking chapter.

I don’t think I would have done it as well without the experience I gained doing the rest of the Audiobook. Showing the strength of the four hobbits, portraying the dignity and resolve of their kind, giving that pathetic yet dangerous authenticity to Sharkey, and the ruffians, illustrating the battle of bywater with sound… this was done in 2013, so we all were able to listen to new music by Howard Shore (for The Hobbit), and I would be able to transpose motifs from that, into “Scouring”, and honestly I wouldn’t know how it would have worked out if the Hobbit films didn’t come out just at the right time. I think the score fits so well with the events of “Scouring”, there is a ‘mordor’ theme but it feels ‘unfinished’, like the remnant of an old defeated foe; there’s that wily progression for Radagast in the films, that I used for the hobbit’s rebellion and the conflict, and there’s a new ‘hobbit/shire’ motif that worked so perfectly for a ‘wounded, but recovering’ Shire. I feel so silly talking about decisions I made for this, but I always wanted to share some thoughts I had!

Fun fact: I had a wonderful person ask if she would be able to play Rosie Cotton back in 2013, and I asked her to perform her lines. She was great, but I realized a very strange thing: when I put her in the audio mix, it would actually break the immersion, because you can hear a voice that wasn’t mine, and as a result - I couldn’t help but keep thinking - my voice for Rosie’s mother sounded like a Monty Python skit in comparison! And thus her lines had to be unused. It kind of just opened the fourth wall, breaking the illusion. Which is a shame, because I always dream of having a fully-cast LOTR Audiobook, maybe someday officially.

The other favorite is “The Tower of Cirith Ungol” just because I listened to it one day in 2014, and heard no errors. I was so proud. I couldn’t think of anything I wanted to change substantially. No one dislikes all the errors more than I do!

14. What’s your best memory from this entire project?

My late dad drove me and my brother out into a clearing at midnight in the forest. The sky was so clear and starry. And we were here simply to just yell at the top of our lungs to record material for “Helm’s Deep”. All the clear yells: “Elendil!!!” “Gúthwinë! Gúthwinë For the Mark!”etc. Etc. - I lost my voice, it was a fun time. He held the microphone for me as I splashed around a stream (for Gollum), once again at midnight since there were fewer background sounds.

I also tell this story a lot: A friend of mine who was listening to the chapters as I finished them - she hated the sound of knuckles cracking. And hated spiders. So, obviously, Shelob would have to have knuckle-cracking sounds for her limbs. So I recorded my own knuckles cracking and tried using it as much as I could for Shelob’s legs moving about. My friend was soooo ecstatic to know this fact.

15. If you could do it all again today, what would you change?

I would consider doing a ground-up re-recording of everything. With a budget, with a cast, with a lot more understanding of the story and intentions behind them. With VR sound options. With extra original music. That’s the dream.

If we’re back to reality, I guess I’d just re-record a bunch of chapters since they could always be better, and tighten all the technical errors. But that would require a lot of assembling of the raw archived files, and re-building of sounds, and re-recording of lines. Also, as I stated before, I do not want to distribute my unofficial fan work just because I know that it’s a copyright nightmare. And burnout… “it’s never really healed, Sam.”

I like taking other people’s opinions to heart, such as the issues with Frodo’s youth or inflections and intonations for certain scenes that I didn’t quite fully grasp the first time. I would love to adjust things and make it closer to the book now.

- - - - -

And now! The Silly Questions Lightning Round!

(With thoughts from Lady Glasses in parentheses and italics!)

1. In Fellowship, long stretches of dialogue would often have someone randomly cough in the background. Tell me about the Cough. Why is the Cough there?

No one hates the coughs more than me. That’s either my brother minding his own business in the other end of our ‘office room’. I think you now know I was 21, I didn’t care, so these things are just left in because I was careless. However, sometimes there are intentional coughs to make it feel more realistic. It’s been years since I listened to it, so unless I somehow do a massive commentary stream someday (thinking about it), your guess will be as good as mine! The coughs heavily subsided once I did Two Towers, since I was by myself.

2. During the dinner scene with Farmer Cotton, someone burps. Who was that?

Mine. I have no regrets with that one. Or Pippin. I guess it could be Pippin.

(Darn! And here I thought it was Farmer Cotton, LOL)

3. How did you manage to make Bill Ferny’s voice so perfectly obnoxious?

I imagined Bill as an obnoxious guy. The image in my head gives me a good idea of what he’d sound like, and I’m so glad he’s so obnoxious that you had to mention it.

(He sounds perfectly punchable. Thanks, I hate it.)

4. Did you crack yourself up at any point in the recording?

Oh yes, in fact I have a whole outtake reel just for you!

(Warning to anyone who clicks the link: the April Fool's audio had me ON THE FLOOR)

5. Voice acting aside, who is your favorite character in LotR and why?

If you asked me in 2002 it would be the Balrog, if you asked me now it would be difficult because so many of them mean so much to me, and each of their aspects have something to aspire to. Gandalf, Aragorn, Sam, Frodo, Galadriel, the list goes on and on.

(That's beautiful, and so true. The story really grows with us, doesn't it?)

6. What’s your favorite color?

Blue. Always has been.

(Blue is a good color! 💙)

7. Political question: Pineapples on pizza, yes or no?

Yes, I still don’t get what the fuss is about

(Oooh, controversial)

8. Is a hotdog a sandwich?

No, it’s a hotdog!

(Counterpoint: A hotdog is a taco.)

9. What’s your opinion on geese?

They’re racist

(Racist against the entire human race, apparently)

10. How much would I have to pay you to say “I love boats!” in Merry’s voice? (It’s an inside joke with my friends.)

Nothing, it’s on the house!

(HOLY CRAP I LOVE YOU)

- - - - -

Thank you so much for taking the time to chat with us! What are you working on nowadays?

I’ve actually had a few people ask me if I’ll ever do more audiobooks like this, and I seem to have tapped something. Yes, in fact! I’m working with a few creative collaborators on a small company to do the exact same sonic experience with other books! Since we’re very small, we are starting with stories in the Public Domain, and have successfully kickstarted (and finished) “The Jungle Book” by Rudyard Kipling. Which will be out (hopefully, officially) by early September! I’m really excited and hope this will lead to more projects, and - hopefully- back to Tolkien someday, in an official manner. Please follow my Instagram or Facebook for more info about it. (I also have a Twitter and Tumblr and more, but they’re all completely unrelated to LOTR and are just me drawing doodles and being a nerd, very unlike the Audiobooks I did, which is a bit confusing, I admit.)

- - - - -

And that concludes our interview! As I told Phil, it was so much fun to discuss a fellow fan's passion project like this. The more I read about it, the more I realized just how similar it was to my own experiences as a fan creator. We all start out as just a noob with a few unpolished skills, making something because we love it, and we learn and grow and hone our talents along the way. It's legitimately inspiring.

Needless to say, I am stoked to finish listening to the rest of this audiobook! Is it a bit weird knowing the creator of the thing might drop in and read my reviews?? Yes. Yes it is. But I'm gonna do it anyway. No holds barred! If I hear another cough, you're gonna know about it, Phil!

Also I may or may not do something with that audio of Merry because I'M STILL DYING OF LAUGHTER HELP

Anyway! If you made it to the end of this, you deserve a cookie! Everybody say thank you to Mr. Dragash, and go check out the other stuff he's doing nowadays! Namárië!

#phil dragash #audiobook #lotr audiobook #interview #CATCH ME SCREAMING ABOUT THIS FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS

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daily-hanamura · 9 months

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I was wondering if you had any analyses on yosuke's dances in P4D, especially his partner dances wrt his character/personality... or even just generally what you thought of his moves. I think atlus/p-studio enjoy putting more than meets the eye into the choreography for the dances, but i wondered what the account that does really good yosuke analyses thinks. >:) Cheers

Oh wow you're very kind!! but this is also a very high level ask as I am not at all a dance expert and I'm still working my way through all of the dances, but I will do my best! o7

Long post incoming!

I remember reading an interview which said that Yosuke's dance style is very much inspired by male idols with a hip-hop flair, and I can definitely see it in his dance? iirc there was a pretty strong influence of hip-hop in jpop of that era - I'm thinking about Johnny's entertainment boybands which I think pretty much dominated the jpop male idol scene around 2010 - just look at Arashi's Monster dance routine, which imo is a super quintessential dance of that time. Like Jun's breakdance around 0:45, but also more generally, the sort of precise, rapid-pace footwork and moves that is also very evident in both Backside of the TV and Your Affection. I think it really suits him for a few reasons

Yosuke generally has the highest agility stat and tends to be the fastest char (for me at least? but i've also seen enough fics that reference how quick he moves), so it makes sense that this sort of high-pace dance suits him. Obviously Yosuke has a very good sense of beat listening to music all the time in combat and moving with it, so despite his real world clumsiness, he's well equipped to take on the kind of rigorous idol dance style that's typically very demanding to learn and perfect.

At the same time, it also matches his narrative - Yosuke in canon is very familiar with idol culture, both with Risette and Kanamin Kitchen, so it's not too surprising? But what I thought was kind of interesting was that there aren't really any references to male idol groups in world, and even his bedroom in p4au only shows female idol posters and some mainstream American albums. However, in the interview scene at the end of p4d, he mentions to Yukiko that he's tried to copy moves from stuff he's seen. But his dance style is more similar to boy idol bands - with the hip hop influence especially - as opposed to being similar to female idol bands - which tend to be preppier in dance style (see AKB48 for example). (Or just compare Rise's dance with Yosuke's.) So idk if this is a random oversight on Atlus/P-Studio's part, or if Yosuke is a closet male idol enjoyer (which would be very funny but also on brand for him, especially if he's still in the closet).

The other thing about idol music and group idol dance styles more generally is how much emphasis there is on harmony. If you look at the Arashi video again, there's kind of the expectation that all members are dancing in sync with each other. The thing about that sort of group dance is that you don't really have "leads" and "backup" dances, because no one member is really supposed to stand out or take centre stage since they're all equals. And I think that's a fun thing to think about because, you know, Yosuke Rank 10. But it's also in his partner dances with the others - I feel like Yosuke tends to harmonise with the others and their dance styles the most, maybe he's second to Yu? But Yosuke tends to match his dancing to the style of the other person when he joins them in Fever, like in Naoto's or Chie's (caveat, maybe I'm just Yosuke-biased LMAO). I think there's a lot to say about it because on the one hand, his captain ressentiment attitude means he sees his friends as better but he also wants to catch up to them and be their equals! but also, on the other hand, Yosuke doesn't want to stand out? And him keeping his head down is very much in character for him throughout most of the game, so :')

(but also souyo lens time his partner dances with yu is SO GOOD they mirror one another so well and it makes me so weak)

I think my final point is on how idol dancing is kind of on brand for him as well? Yosuke is kind of a vain person - he likes fashionable clothes! He likes to look cool! (and we love him for it!!) - and I think one thing that kind of marks idol dancing compared to, idk, interpretive dancing as an extreme example, is how idol dances tend to emphasize... looking good? The whole point of idols is to sell them on their aesthetics, after all, and good looks are kind of a minimum criteria to being in an idol group. The dances are choreographed to maximise the dancer's appeal, so it's all smooth moves that present them in the best light.

Those are my extremely long thoughts!! but yeah tldr I think his dance style really suits him on every level I can't imagine anything better for him ngl. Anyone with more expert knowledge feel free to pitch in though

#asks #sillyjazzy69420 #thank you for this ask this was actually super fun to think about!! even if i'm not sure i've done a good job haha #“chai everyone dances well together in their partner dance” “chai your yosuke bias is showing” I'M DOING MY BEST #also is it just me or does anyone else also think yosuke is one of the best dancers in the group apart from rise?#i mean yosuke and naoto are my fav. i love yu but he dances like it's 80s disco so unfortunately he's in second #“chai did you have a secret idol watching era?” i neither confirm nor deny

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louisupdates · 2 months

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[Translated from Portuguese]

LINK TO VIDEO INTERVIEW

Former member of the British boy band One Direction, Louis Tomlinson will perform, in May, three shows in Brazil. It will be the third time that the musician will perform in the country, an experience that, according to him, is always chaotic - and "in the best possible sense". This is what the singer said to g1, in an interview held at Allianz Parque, where he will play in São Paulo, on May 11.

The shows are from the "Faith in the Future" tour, in which Louis returns to his latest album, released in 2022. The setlist also involves songs from the album "Walls" and, of course, One Direction hits.

Fever among children and adolescents in the 2010s, the pop group was formed from the TV show "The X Factor" and lasted six years, breaking up in 2016. Since then, the musicians have followed a solo career. A fact that, in Louis' eyes, is inevitably competitive.

"Your only reference is to compare yourself with the other members," said the Englishman. "You start to think, 'If they're getting this, why am I not getting it?'"

On Spotify, the number of monthly listeners among artists differs a lot. The most popular star of the divorced boy band, Harry Styles has about 58.2 million. Next are Zayn Malik (27.3 million), Niall Horan (17.3 million), Liam Payne (5.7 million) and Louis (2.9 million).

But if success meters like this were once a burden for the musician, today they are no longer, according to him, who also made a point of reiterating that he has always been proud of his friends.

In the interview, the musician also commented on subjects such as the conspiracy theories that describe him as a partner of Styles, the changes of concept between his albums, a Brazilian remix of his "Kill My Mind" - from the funkeiro FP of Trem Bala -, and his interest in fashion

g1 - What is the main difference between the Louis Tomlinson of the X Factor, 2010 and the Louis Tomlinson of today?

Louis Tomlinson - There is a lot of naivete in the boy who appeared in the X Factor. I really didn't know what I was getting into. I didn't know how that would put me sitting here. I definitely had no idea what I was acquiring.

I think I feel much more fulfilled. More confident. It took me a while to have enough courage to say: 'I'm creative, I'm a singer, I'm a composer

Now, I'm just internalizing all these feelings. When you grow up in a place like Doncaster, where I grew up, it takes a while to believe in all these things. Because you only watched it from afar, on TV or on the radio. So, when you become one of these people, there is a whole process until you believe and understand everything.

g1 - And what is the greatest similarity?

Louis Tomlinson - Probably my appearance (laughs). Well, I hope my fans don't correct me here. I like to think that I've always had a very lovely relationship with them. I think that's the only constant thing.

g1 - Do you know any Brazilian singer or band?

Louis Tomlinson - We were talking today about Anitta. And hm... Fresh? Fre? Fresno? I'm learning. I hope [the confusion with the band's name] didn't sound disrespectful, it wasn't my intention.

Do you have any recommendations for me? I got some tips today. What do you have for me?

g1 - There is a Brazilian musician called FP do Trem Bala. He made a remix of 'Kill My Mind'...

Louis Tomlinson - That's cool! So far, you were the one who made the best recommendation. Definitely.

g1 - Can I show you?

Louis Tomlinson - Of course!

youtube

g1 - What's up? Did you like it? Is there anything you would like to say to the FP of the Bullet Train?

Louis Tomlinson - Yes, it's a vibe. Fun. Very fun. Thank you for making a remix of the song.

g1 - This is your third time in Brazil. What comes to your mind when you hear things like 'doing a show in Brazil', 'Brazilian tour', or simply 'Brazilian fans'?

Louis Tomlinson - Chaos. And in the best possible sense. I totally love it.

Live experiences are defined by the most chaotic moments. And coming here and always feeling this energy is as if from the first drum beat, the fans were already there. It's a really triumphant feeling.

g1 - In musical terms, how was the experience of creating 'Faith in the Future' compared to 'Walls'?

Louis Tomlinson - I felt much more fulfilled, confident. I had more understanding of what I wanted to do and how to do it.

[On the first album], there was the factor that I left One Direction. It was as if my head was a mess and there was so much to think about... It didn't have a clear direction. I had to go through the experimentation phase to, in fact, understand who I am as an artist. That took time.

Throughout my creation of 'Walls', this was happening, but I was in a clearer, more concise place going to 'Faith in the Future'. And I think that made [the second] album better.

g1 - Recently, you created 28 Clothing, a fashion brand. What is your relationship with this sector?

Louis Tomlinson - I've always had a very funny relationship with fashion. Without a doubt, I'm interested in clothes, I've always been. Since I was young. But there is a level of haute couture that goes far beyond my understanding.

You know, I like to dress well. The brand is something I've always wanted to do. It is also intertwined with one of my [greatest] passions, football.

Football and fashion have been connected since the game was a game. People's fashion in the stands and everything else...

I think it's a very interesting thing and, for sure, a culture in which I was already inserted when I was younger. So, the brand helps me tell my story.

g1 - You once mentioned that you felt a little uncomfortable and more competitive at the beginning of your solo career. You said you were a little upset because you kept comparing your level of success with that of the other members of One Direction. Do you still feel that way?

Louis Tomlinson - No, I don't feel like it. Really. But I think that anyone - and obviously, there won't be many people who can identify with it - but anyone who has gone through a similar situation...

Being in a band and leaving on your own will always make your only reference be to compare yourself with other members. That's literally all you have.

I think it's a matter of maturity, actually. It took me a long time to look at it for what it was. Because that's where petulance begins. You start to think: 'If they're getting this, why can't I do it?'. And that becomes a little toxic.

Unfortunately, this is the nature of the music industry. It is naturally competitive. We are all competing for spots.

But now I see it in a very different way. And as I said, this requires maturity. I also needed to succeed on my own to be able to get through this. To overcome this.

Now, this comes back as I feel a confidence in saying these things.

Oh, and just to reiterate, because it's important: while I felt competitive, or more competitive than I am today, it wasn't like I wasn't immensely proud of everything the boys were doing.

It was more about reflecting on my own situation. Just about thinking: 'Oh, I wish I had a little of that'.

Now, I feel in a very, very, different place. And it's a nicer thing to feel, because being very competitive isn’t always the nicest feeling.

g1 - I imagine you hear questions like this all the time, right? Does it bother you?

Louis Tomlinson - Yes, it's okay. As I mentioned before, I understand the obvious public interest in One Direction. That's obvious. And you know, I appreciate that these things are interesting. I suppose [that they are].

g1 - Louis, many fans believe in the conspiracy theory that you’re dating Harry Styles, even though you describe this story as ridiculous. Why is this conspiracy so famous?

Louis Tomlinson - What I realized a few years ago is that there is nothing I can say, there is nothing I can do to stop those who believe in this conspiracy. They are so connected with what they believe they will not see the truth for what it actually is. I'm sure many people look and find all these little conspiracies that happen in life interesting.

I would be lying if I said it doesn't annoy me a little, but it's the nature of the work.

There are times when it gets very personal. I have my son, Freddie. He's the most important person in my life. And occasionally, [these theories] end up addressing things that are kind of unfair.

That's what we have now. There's nothing I can do about it. Nothing I can say to stop people from inventing what they want to invent. So, so be it.

g1 - Finally, what is your favorite song at the moment and why?

Louis Tomlinson - My favorite album is Paolo Nutini's last. It's great, amazing. He's an amazing singer, maybe he's my favorite singer. It's indeed an inspiring album.

And favorite music... I can't remember the name, but it's from The Libertines, a band I've liked since I was young.

#g1 #fitfwt24: são paulo #louis tomlinson #Louis press #louis interviews #louis quotes #2.4.2024

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notafraidofredyellowandblue · 10 months

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so I've heard in the past that some members of the band have hinted at not being 100% straight and richard has given hints at wanting to know what it's like to be a woman, could you please give me some sources to those since I've looked everywhere and can't really find them? thank you, if not, it's totally understandable

Another really really old ask, not because i didn't want to, but because i wanted to findas much info as possible 🌺 sorry anon for taking so long..

Well, the most recent 'hint' was Flake's podcast with topic 'gay/lesbian' where he mentioned that the topic came up one evening when the band were chatting and it turned out they all had their experiences 🥰

Rammstein is imo a band who has always been very 'inclusive' in any sexual preferences, and especially in Till's lyrics you can tell he is very interested in anything out there (not that that makes him 'not straight' (to be honest, i think he is, by some other quotes in interviews 😊) but i wouldn't be surprised if he tried some stuff somewhere in life).

Richard did an 2010 interview in Canada (don't have a link to the original, just this transcript) where he was quoted (about 'Mann gegen Mann')

"Actually, Till showed the lyrics to our Gay community, to our friends, just to make sure, because if you talk about something that you not really are, it's always kind of hard. Sometimes you cross the line, you don't think about it, but it could be offensive. If you do something because it's your experience, it's fine, but if you write something and you're not actually a part of it, I think you should make sure that everything you want to say is right. So he gave the lyrics to some friends, and they were very approving."

Which sort of confirms that they don't see themselves as gay so much. Also in interviews where they were asked 'are you gay', they usually end up with 'no'... interestingly, i don't think i've seen an interview where an interviewer explicitely asked 'are you bisexual' 🌺 (by the way, i would be really surprised if Richard hadn't some experience with a guy when he was younger, i vaguely remember he alluded to such in a really old interview, but i don't have a link).

Richard indeed has expressed ideas about his feminine side several times, in the interbiew above he says for instance

"If you talk to me right now, I'm a big believer in getting myself in balance between the female and the male side. I have a female side too, obviously."

And very striking was in several interviews ca 2021 after he did the cover 'Always on my mind' with Till for the Emigrate album 'The Persistence of Memory' and then made it a duet, stating:

"I mean, obviously, Till has also this very characteristic voice. And then it was pretty fast. He recorded one day. And then I was listening to it, and I felt a little bit that his performance was a little bit too male-oriented. So I felt I need a little female touch to it. So that’s why my personality came in. And I think it’s a good combination"

So he felt a female touch was needed, and added his own voice to Till's track 🥰

And ofcourse in 2023 he shared on his ig

"I've always wondered what it's like to be a woman"

Now ofcourse this could just be a Kruspe-caption 😊 but with the 'DT' video in mind and his role in it, it makes one wonder doesn't it... where is that making of when we need it 🌺😊

---

From the others i don't have quotes at hand...sorry...but maybe someone else has and is willing to share 🌺

#rammstein lgbtq matters #rammstein and the feminine side #quotes #till lindemann #richard kruspe #rammstein #flake lorenz

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blocksruinedme · 11 months

Text

My big fat 4th wall breaking grian podfic is up! Here's samples to listen to!

My podfic is part of the MCYTBLR AU Fest Summer 2023 collection on ao3, thanks to the wonderful mods at @mcytblraufest!

My podfic has been up for a week, in fact, and it's not really gotten attention, so I'm going to shill for it!

The fic is about Grian, on hermitcraft, trying to figure out why TCG is so weirdly popular. At least it starts that way....

It's meta in a way I really enjoy! Inspired by WTNV!

The podfic is 46 minutes! (You can can just try a bit and stop, just like with regular fic!)

Me and three friends to do voices, every non-POV character has a voice that is not mine!

I did voice changing thingies on some of them!

I spent maybe 30 hours on this! At least 20! I worked very hard on background noise reduction and working together different takes and different readers. It's the best I've done technically on a podfic and I'm just proud of that.

Everything in this story is very intentional and comes together really well, seriously anything you might doubt, it all comes together.

I'm going to be real, I know podfic isn't big in mcyt (it's so good! i've been listening since at least 2010! podfic is so good!), but as I said I've gotten basically nothing on this one. So here come the pitches, in the form of clips! I genuinely think it's good, and I am honest in my opinions of my own work!

This clip is the literal beginning, the prologue and the start of scene 1. It has all 4 readers and my simple little special effects I'm so proud of. (I looked at a LOT of options, I've never done something like this before.)

If you want to check and see if the mild body horror bit (body transformation, no violence) it's too much for you before getting invested in the story, here's some of it! It's some spoilers, but I cut it before it got to big spoilers. I don't generally like body horror and I was fine here!

And my final one... well if the first two tracks got you interested, go listen! If you aren't going to listen, but want to listen to me reading something familiar, check this out

You can check out all my other podfic here.

#grian #grian fanfic #grian podfic #podfic #hermitcraft #hermitcraft fanfic #myctblr au fest #myctblr #myct podfic #me #my works #my podfic

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jtownraindancer · 11 months

Text

The Burn Collection

Hello friends! I've been hunting down Burn Gorman's works (film, screen, and radio) over the past few months, and since sharing is caring~

Audiobooks

Arkham County- From within the walls of Arkham’s asylum, reclusive writer Randolph Carter tells the story of orphan Violet Flintock, who arrives in Arkham County in search of her own history only to be instantly greeted by the bloody realities of this small town, whose foundations are built from the lore and mythology of HP Lovecraft. Horror; mature themes. 2020. Ensemble cast. Wilbur. [complete]

Torchwood: Everyone Says Hello- Across Cardiff, ordinary people are behaving in odd ways: saying hello to complete strangers, and going out of their way to greet one another. Torchwood discovers that an alien communications field is gathering strength in the area. The team must find the device responsible and shut it off - before civil unrest engulfs the whole city. 2008. Narrator. Owen Harper. [complete]

Torchwood: Slow Decay- A friend of Gwen's has recently done an impressive bit of slimming, thanks to a new Cardiff weight-loss clinic with an incredibly simple system, and now Rhys wants to give it a try. Elsewhere in the city, an ordinary woman with superhuman strength and a extraordinary hunger is attacking people and eating her victims. 2007. Narrator. Owen Harper. [complete]

Films

Agatha Christie's Marple: Ordeal By Innocence- Old wounds are reopened for the Argyle family when a man suddenly turns up after being abroad and claims that the black sheep of the family could not have murdered its tyrannical matriarch. 2007. Ensemble cast. Antagonist. Jacko Argyle. [complete]

Cemetery Junction- In early 1970s England, three friends spend their days in banter, drinking, fighting and chasing girls. Freddie wants to escape their working class world but cheeky chappy Bruce and kind-hearted slacker Snork are happy with life the way it is. When Freddie gets a job as a door-to-door insurance salesman and bumps into his old school sweetheart Julie, the gang are forced to make choices that will change their lives forever. 2010. Ensemble cast. PC Renwick. [complete]

Color Me Kubrick- The true story of a man who posed as director Stanley Kubrick during the production of Kubrick's last film, Eyes Wide Shut (1999), despite knowing very little about his work and looking nothing like him. 2005. Period typical -isms. Ensemble cast. Willie. [complete]

Crimson Peak- An aspiring young author travels to a remote Gothic mansion in Cumberland, England with her new husband and his sister. There, she must decipher the mystery behind the ghostly visions that haunt her new home. 2015. Ensemble cast. Mr. Holly. [complete]

Dalziel and Pascoe: A Death in The Family- When a transit depot is robbed of £600,000 in used banknotes, the thieves left one thing behind: a dead security guard. The victim is revealed to be the inside man and telephone records lead to Steve Pitt, found dead in his restaurant. 2006. Ensemble cast. Jerry Hart. [complete]

Enola Holmes- Enola is the youngest sibling in the famous Holmes family. She is extremely intelligent, observant, and insightful, defying the social norms for women of the time. Her mother Eudoria has taught her everything she needs to know to be strong-willed and independent. But on her sixteenth birthday, Enola wakes to find that her mother has disappeared. 2020. Ensemble cast. Linthorn. [complete]

Fred Claus- Santa's bitter older brother, Fred, is forced to move to the North Pole to help Santa and the elves prepare for their big night in exchange for cash. But what started out as an easy way to make money soon turns into a desperate attempt to save Christmas. 2007. Cameo. Elf. [complete]

Guernica- "Listen, George. Here's your damn war story. Twenty-six April, 1937. Gernika. Don't give a damn if you use my name or you have someone else sign it. But it's the story I want printed. Ready? A very small town in the north of Spain is about to become very famous, but for all the wrong reasons." 2016. Ensemble cast. Soviet Consul. [complete]

Imperium- A young FBI agent, eager to prove himself in the field, goes undercover as a white supremacist. 2016. Mature content. Ensemble cast. Morgan. [complete]

In A Valley of Violence- A mysterious stranger and a random act of violence drag a town of misfits and nitwits into the bloody crosshairs of revenge. 2016. Ensemble cast. Priest. [complete]

Jimi: All Is By My Side- In 1966, an unknown guitarist named James Hendrix leaves New York for London, changes his name to Jimi and begins to make his mark in the world of rock music. Ensemble cast. Michael Jeffrey. [complete]

Johnny English Reborn- Johnny English is retired in Tibet and in disgrace in MI7 after a washed-up mission in Mozambique. Summoned unexpectedly by MI7 to stop assassins from killing Chinese Premier Xiang Ping. 2011. Ensemble cast. Agent Slater. [complete]

Lift- A master thief and his Interpol Agent ex-girlfriend team up to steal $500 million in gold bullion being transported on an A380 passenger flight. 2024. Ensemble cast; antagonist. Cormac. [complete]

Love is Not Enough- DV Indie filmmaker due to shoot promo for unsigned Welsh pop group takes the money and uses it to finish the film he's been working on for 5 years. 2001. Mature content. Period typical -isms. Slurs. Ensemble cast. Al Weisberger. [complete]

Pacific Rim- As a war between humankind and monstrous sea creatures wages on, a former pilot and a trainee are paired up to drive a seemingly obsolete special weapon in a desperate effort to save the world from the apocalypse. 2013. Ensemble cast. Dr. Hermann Gottlieb. [complete]

Pacific Rim Uprising- Jake Pentecost, son of Stacker Pentecost, reunites with Mako Mori to lead a new generation of Jaeger pilots against a new Kaiju threat. But this time, the threat comes from somewhere much closer to home. 2018. Ensemble cast. Dr. Hermann Gottlieb. [complete]

Penelope- Penelope Wilhern was born with the snout of a pig due to a curse that was placed on her family by a vengeful witch. The only way to break the curse is for "one of her own kind" to love her. 2006. Ensemble cast. Larry Bunter. [complete]

Ransomed- A young diplomat is assigned the task of carrying the ransom money to rescue an abducted diplomat in Lebanon, and a local taxi driver accidently gets involved in the mission. 2023. Ensemble cast. Richard Carter. [complete]

Red Lights- Psychologist Margaret Matheson and her assistant study paranormal activity, which leads them to investigate a world-renowned psychic who has resurfaced years after his toughest critic mysteriously passed away. 2012. Ensemble cast. Benedict Cohen. [complete]

Sex, The City and Me- Jess, a high-flying banker, is sidelined in her job by her Machiavellian boss when she returns to work after having a baby. She decides to sue the bank and ends up risking everything, including her marriage. The drama is inspired by in-depth interviews with women who have fought major cases in the City. 2007. Ensemble cast. Lawrence. [complete]

The Curse of Steptoe- Aspiring stage actor Harry H. Corbett jumps at the chance to star in a television comedy show 'Steptoe and Son'. The show's success proves to be a poisoned chalice, thwarting his stage ambitions. Wilfrid Brambell, the actor playing his father, is a gay man in an England where homosexuality is still illegal. Both, in their own way, feel that they have invoked the curse of Steptoe. Ray Galton. [complete]

The Inspector Lynley Mysteries: In Divine Proportion- While investigating the murder of an interior decorator, Inspector Lynley and Sergeant Havers quickly learn there is a connection between the victim's murder, and the death of her sister 15 years earlier. Mature themes; references to rape & suicide. 2005. Ensemble cast. Billy Verger. [complete]

The Oxford Murders- At Oxford University, a professor and a grad student work together to try to stop a potential series of murders seemingly linked by mathematical symbols. 2008. Ensemble cast. Yuri Podorov. [complete]

Undergods- A dystopian anthology set in a post-apocalyptic landscape. The breakout film of director Chino Moya, "Undergods" offers a prophetic warning that we will be the instruments of our own undoing if we refuse to address rising authoritarianism alongside growing inequality and scarcity of resources. 2020. Ensemble cast. Tim. [complete]

Up There- Martin (deceased) is stuck in a dead-end job, welcoming the newly departed into the afterlife. All he dreams of is going 'Up There'. But his plans are thrown into disarray when he has to team up with the relentlessly chirpy Rash, and together they lose a new arrival. 2011. Ensemble cast; protagonist. Martin. [complete]

Walking With The Enemy- A young man, separated from his family in World War II, disguises himself as a Nazi S.S. Officer and uncovers more than just his family whereabouts. 2013. Ensemble cast. Lt. Colonel Otto Skorzeny. [complete]

Watcher- As a serial killer stalks the city, Julia -- a young actress who just moved to town with her boyfriend -- notices a mysterious stranger watching her from across the street. 2022. Ensemble cast; antagonist. Watcher; Weber. [complete]

Guest Appearances

A Lark Rise in Candleford: Season 4, Episode 3- Thomas is euphoric when he lands the job of organising the church bazaar. But his joy soon evaporates when the vicar falls ill, and the controversial and free-thinking curate Reverend Marley takes charge. Thomas is convinced that Marley is evil incarnate, and when he comes across a snake on his postal rounds, he sees it as a sign that the devil is indeed amongst them. 2011. Ensemble cast; guest star. Reverend Benedict Marley. [complete]

Casualty: Not Waving But Drowning- Penny's medical skills are tested to the limit during a diving expedition, and Holly is mystified at the collapse of a promising teenage dancer. 1999. Ensemble cast; guest star. Geoff Simpson. [complete]

Coronation Street- 1998. Ensemble cast; guest star. Ben Andrews. [coming soon!]

Forever- Dr. Henry Morgan is a New York City medical examiner who studies the dead for criminal cases, and to solve the mystery of his own immortality. 2014. Ensemble cast; guest star. Lewis Farber/Adam. (Appears only in episodes 11, 14, 18, 21 & 22, but all episodes are here!) [complete]

Game of Thrones- Nine noble families fight for control over the lands of Westeros, while an ancient enemy returns after being dormant for millennia. 2011. Ensemble cast; guest star. Karl Tanner. (only featuring Burn's four appearances) [coming soon!]

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia: Flowers For Charlie- Charlie being used as a test subject for a new intelligence pill that makes him smarter and more aware of his messed-up life, causing him to quit his janitor job. Meanwhile, Dee, Dennis, and Mac try to do Charlie's work but get sidetracked and high on gasoline; and Frank tries to bring Charlie back to his dimwitted self. 2013. Ensemble cast; guest star. The Scientist/Science Bitch. [complete]

Lucky Man- From the mind of comic book legend Stan Lee comes a bold new action crime series about a brilliant but flawed police officer with the power to control luck. 2016. Ensemble cast; guest appearance. Doug. (Featuring only the three episodes in which he starred.) [complete]

Merseybeat: Coming of Age- Sgt. Gentle decides it's time for a change and decides to go out on the beat with PC Traynor, and the pair investigate a burglary at the home of an antiques dealer. Meanwhile, Ch. Insp. Oulton tries to help out an old friend who has found himself on the wrong side of the law. 2001. Ensemble cast; guest appearance. Sean Finnigan. [complete]

The Man in The High Castle- In a dystopian America dominated by Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan, a young woman discovers a mysterious film that may hold the key to toppling the totalitarian regimes. 2015. The Marshal. (Featuring only the two episodes in which he starred.) [complete]

Miniseries

And Then There Were None- Ten strangers are invited to Soldier Island, an isolated rock near the Devon coast in southern England. Cut off from the mainland, with their generous hosts mysteriously absent, they are each accused of a terrible crime. As members of the party start to die one by one, the survivors realize that one of them is a killer and start to turn on each other. Mature themes. 2015. Ensemble cast. Sergeant Detective William "Bill" Blore. [complete]

Bleak House- Jarndyce and Jarndyce is an interminable law case in the Court of Chancery, concerning two or more wills and their beneficiaries. Eventually, after several decades, a verdict is finally reached, but not without a surprising number of twists along the way. 2005. Ensemble cast. William Guppy. (Video formatting issues in a couple episodes- i.e. fuzzy and/or black borders on sides in several sections. Full picture still visible, just with weird borders.) [complete]

Cheat- What starts out as what appears to be an open-and-shut case of academic dishonesty, soon spirals out of everyone’s control, proving there’s far more to the story than just a plagiarised essay. What lies behind the shocking events and tragedies that unfurl? Mature themes. 2019. Ensemble cast. Ben Jarvis. [complete]

Spies of Warsaw- A military attaché at the French embassy is drawn into a world of abduction, betrayal and intrigue in the diplomatic salons and back alleys of Warsaw. 2013. Ensemble cast. Jourdain. [complete {with Portuguese subtitles}]

The Hour- 2011. Ensemble cast. Thomas Kish. [coming soon!]

The Offer- A series based on Oscar-winning producer Albert S. Ruddy's extraordinary, never-revealed experiences of making "The Godfather." 2022. Ensemble cast. Charles Bluhdorn. [complete]

The Runaway- Cathy Connor and Eamonn Docherty are childhood sweethearts who are desperate to escape their East End roots. When Cathy murders her Mum's pimp in self-defense it changes their lives forever. Mature themes. 2011. Ensemble cast. Richard Gates. [complete]

Wuthering Heights- Based on the classic novel by Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights is a story of love, obsession, hate and revenge. The protagonists, Cathy and Heathcliff, form a love that is dark and destructive and affects the lives of everyone around them. 2009. Ensemble cast. Hindley Earnshaw. [complete]

Podcasts & Radio Dramas

Curl Up & D.I.- Gemma and Andy are two feckless coppers patrolling the mean streets of Slatby, a faded North Yorkshire seaside town with an unsolved murder problem. With conventional leads exhausted, local hairstylists, gossipmongers and armchair crime-solvers Yacky and Reuben are enlisted, and their salon unwittingly becomes the beating heart of all ongoing detective operations. Welcome to the murky hinterlands of soft perms and slaughter. Mature content. 2022. Chief Steve "Wendy" Concern. [complete]

Doctor Who: Timelord Victorious: Echoes of Extinction- Trapped, a haunted monster waits to consume new victims. It needs help. It needs a doctor. Unfortunately, it also needs to kill whoever it meets. Thrust into immediate danger, and on the back-foot, it will take all of the Doctor’s ingenuity to triumph. Two interlinked adventures. Two Doctors. One foe. 2021. Ensemble cast. The Network. [complete]

Glad To Be Back- Opera-loving Lezzo is on home leave for the weekend. His prison term is due to end in four weeks' time, and he is looking for a little innocent enjoyment. His friends have other plans in mind however, and his mother has some worrying news. 1999. Ensemble cast. Norman; Various. [complete]

He Died With His Eyes Open- A detective in 1980s London investigates a brutal murder, but has little to go on except for the victim's cassette diaries. 2013. Ensemble cast; narrator. The Detective. [complete]

King Trash- Mike Hodges adapts King Lear in a gritty retelling following KT, an 80-year-old criminal despot who owns a landfill site in the outskirts of London, and his daughter Honey, who is anything but sweet. Mature themes. 2007. Ensemble cast. Clint. [complete]

The Babington Plot- During the reign of Elizabeth I, a group of Catholic gentlemen conceived a plan to assassinate the Queen. The story of the failed conspiracy, told in documentary fashion on its one-year anniversary, is revealed via the different perspectives of several participants in the events. 2008. Ensemble cast. Robert Poley. [complete]

The Battersea Poltergeist- A paranormal cold case, re-investigated through a thrilling blend of drama and documentary. The true story of one of Britain's strangest hauntings. 2021. Ensemble cast. Wally Hitchings. (includes original adverts.) [complete]

The Mayor of Casterbridge- Michael Henchard spends his life trying to atone for the terrible action that led to the loss of his wife and child. But his past refuses to be buried, no matter how hard he tries to conceal it. Dark themes. 2008. Ensemble cast. Abel Whittle. [complete]

The Reckoning: The Death of Christopher Marlowe- In London, 1593, playwright Christopher Marlowe, a young writer, is stabbed in a disagreement over the bill, and the authorities find that Marlowe was killed in self-defence. History says it was just a drunken quarrel, nothing more. But Charles Nicholl thinks it was murder, and an unsolved murder never grows old. 2022. Ensemble cast. Robert Poley. [complete]

The Spy- Henry Wharton, a young British soldier, sneaks into No-Man's Land in civilian clothing in order to visit the family he hasn't seen in over a year. But the happy reunion is cut short when he is captured by American soldiers and must stand trial as a spy. 2012. Ensemble cast. Harvey Birch. [complete]

The Taming of The Shrew- Petruchio, after collecting money from both her younger sister's suitors and a dowry from her father, is ready to marry Katherine, even against her will. Have Katherine and Petruchio learned to love each other? Or is the marriage based on terror and deception? 1998. Ensemble cast. Grumio. [complete]

The War Master: Escape From Reality: The Adventure of The Deceased Doctor- When Dr John Watson is informed of his own murder, only the world’s greatest consulting detective can assist. He just happens to come from a different world. 2022. Ensemble cast. Lestrade/Moriarty. [complete] (included the other three parts of Escape From Reality saga; will have Parts 1-4 indicated in titles)

The Wonderful Wizard of Oz- When a tornado strikes her farmhouse in Kansas, young Dorothy is lifted to the magical world of Oz where she embarks upon a perilous journey to find her way back home. 2009. Ensemble cast. Tin Man. [complete]

Unauthorised History: The Killing- Four men have rented an upstairs room in a tavern to have a "meeting". Sometime later, a violent commotion is heard, and only three of the four men come out alive. The coroner rules that Christopher Marlowe, contemporary of William Shakespeare, was killed in self-defense. One man is not so certain, and he's determined to uncover the truth, no matter where the trail leads. 2010. Ensemble cast. Robert Poley. [complete]

Television Series

Halo- Aliens threaten human existence in an epic 26th-century showdown. 2022. Ensemble cast; antagonist. Vishner Grath. [complete]

Jamestown- 1619. Alice, Verity, and Jocelyn are among several women arrived from England, duty-bound to marry the men who have paid for their passage to Jamestown. Also arriving from England are Governor Yeardley and his wife Temperance, who will quickly discover the difficulties in both running the settlement and preventing a Company Secretary from undermining his position. 2017-19. Ensemble cast. Virginia Company Secretary Nicholas Farlow. [complete]

Torchwood- The members of the Torchwood Institute, a secret organization founded by the British Crown, fight to protect the Earth from extraterrestrial and supernatural threats. 2006. Ensemble cast. Dr. Owen Harper. [in progress- Seasons 1 & 2 posted!]

TURN: Washington's Spies- Long Island farmer Abe Woodhull bands together with a group of childhood friends to form an unlikely group of spies, The Culper Ring, who turn the tide in America's fight for independence. 2014-18. Ensemble cast. Major Edmund Hewlett. [complete]

Torchwood Audios

Corpse Day- PC Andy Davidson is very excited. It’s Corpse Day – the day when the local constabulary get help on dead cases from Torchwood. This year, he’s volunteered to act as liaison, and he knows he’s going to have a brilliant time. For Dr. Owen Harper, today’s just like any other. There’ll be bloodshed, screaming and murder. At the end of it all, he doesn’t care. After all, life’s just for the living, and he’s long dead. 2017. Ensemble cast. Owen Harper. [complete]

Gooseberry- Andy has a girlfriend. She's called Caite, and she's utterly lovely. And then she meets Owen. Owen finds out that Caite has a secret. One that he's desperate to understand. But the more he discovers, the more dangerously close to Caite he becomes. What's going to happen when Andy finds out? 2021. Ensemble cast. Owen Harper. [complete]

Iceberg- Dr. Owen Harper gets a call from an old friend in the middle of the night. She's got a ward full of coma patients, all of them checking in with a dead relative as their imaginary friend. Is it mere coincidence, or have they discovered a bridge between the living and the dead? 2020. Ensemble cast. Owen Harper. [complete]

Lease of Life- 3 bed, 1 bath, shared house in a vibrant area with easy access to Cardiff city centre. Has a real lived-in feel. Note to interested parties: There is a small spreading mould issue, and an investigation is being undertaken on site. Those worried are advised to contact the Council's Mould Expert, Dr. Owen Harper. 2021. Ensemble cast. Owen Harper. [complete]

The Hope- Megwyn Jones is one of the most hated women in Britain. She used to run a home for troubled children in an isolated part of Snowdonia called The Hope. For a long time there were rumours about what was happening there, and then one day it was realised that the children had gone missing. The years have been long and hard, but now Megwyn’s dying, and she’s agreed to go back to The Hope, to reveal the horrible secret she’s kept all these years. 2019. Ensemble cast. Owen Harper. [complete]

The Last Beacon- A signal in a Welsh mountain is calling an ancient battlefleet to Earth. Owen Harper and Ianto Jones head up into the Brecons to stop it. The problem is - Ianto really loves camping. Owen? Owen does not. 2018. Ensemble cast. Owen Harper. [complete]

The Three Monkeys- Andy Davidson's been ordered to watch over a local businessman, and he's suprised when Owen decides to tag along on the stakeout. Andy knows it can't just be coincidence- Owen knows something- the businessman's attracted Torchwood’s attention. Tonight, the two of them are going to take him down. But will luck be on their side? 2020. Ensemble cast. Owen Harper. [complete]

Torchwood Special: Believe- The Church of the Outsiders believe that mankind is about to evolve, to reach out into the stars. Owen Harper believes that Torchwood has to do whatever it takes to stop them. Mature content. 2018. Main cast! Ensemble cast. Owen Harper. [complete]

*This post will be updated as I find more content. **Quality may not always be the best due to age and/or limited availability. Will do my best to clean audio/video up, and will hopefully be able to find better quality replacements in time.

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