#I would blame it on the cold I have because I feel terrible in every possible sense

[sixcalibur]

I feel so left out and out of place again. I tried to ignore the feelings as I usual do but I truly don't fit in anywhere, right? The sadness that comes with that realization is the worst I wish I was more interesting as a person or more talented. Once again nothing art wise will come and work out. I have no right to even call myself an artist I suppose I truly am uselesss, huh..

[wonusite]

I Hate U, I Love U

❝ After finally managing to escape the lifelong rivalry you once had with Yoon Jeonghan, you’re unexpectedly thrown back into the undesirable feud after receiving a scholarship to the most prestigious private school in the city. Despite your attempts to leave the past in the past, you discover too late that you’re the only one interested in letting the vendetta go. Years later, there’s a switch in dynamic when you’re the one unwilling to let it go. ❞

PAIRING: yoon jeonghan x female reader

WORD COUNT: 20.8k

GENRE: enemies to lovers au, rich kid au, college au, model au, fake dating au, angst, (tiniest bit of) fluff, smut

WARNINGS: they’re in high school at the beginning of this, rich boy!jeonghan, frat boy!jeonghan, former rich girl!reader, model!reader, classism, asshole parents, drinking, scheming, mild violence (1 slap), reader and jeonghan are pretty terrible to each other, repressed feelings, revenge is a recurring theme in this, lots of arguing, star-crossed lovers vibes, heavy on the regret, jealousy, fake relationship (but real feelings oops), oral sex (f receiving), unprotected sex, pussy drunk!hannie, cockdrunk!reader, multiple creampies, squirting, overstimulation

a/n: still can’t believe i sat down and wrote this much. hope you guys like it! based on this request (sorry it took so long rip). minors dni!!

You can still remember the exact way you felt when your family lost everything and was left in poverty. Back then, your reality had become a twilight zone that left you feeling misplaced. Fate was cruel to make that exact feeling resurface now as you’re standing at the gates of your new school.

An emotion that could’ve been written off as typical anxiety from being the new kid is actual nerves caused by the unhealthy obsession your parents have with reclaiming the status your family once had. Inexplicably, they both believed the main way to do this is to be better than the Yoon family.

Embarrassing as it is, this fixation of theirs dates back to before you were born. In particular, it’s your mom’s unrelenting need to be better than the Yoons that got you into this unfavorable situation in the first place. She can’t be fully blamed, though. Everything dates back the feud her first husband (your father) has been part of since he was a kid.

As a child, you didn’t fully understand how deep the hatred ran. You also didn’t realize that being the heir to your family’s fortune meant that their vendetta had become your burden to bear (and somehow still was). Naively, you believed everything was over the moment your family was left with nothing. It wasn’t until you were leaving your house that your mom made it clear she still expected you go head-to-head with the heir of the Yoon family.

Believing that Yoon Jeonghan would still be willing to partake in a petty rivalry with you isn’t realistic, but your mom is beyond seeing reason at this point. Restoring the prestige of your family name came before anything now (even reality). In your mom’s eyes, beating the only son of the Yoon family seems to be the only way to do it.

This new-but-not-new obligation is the reason you can’t stifle the sick feeling that overcomes you as you walk through the front gates of the most prestigious private school in the city.

The campus is larger and more extravagant in person. Every single thing—from the wide pathways to the elegant topography—screams money. Students are scattered in front of the building, clad in the expensive uniform that’s currently draped over your own frame. The sight of designer bags, stylish shoes, and glamorous jewelry is a reminder of what once was and will never be again.

As if that daunting fact isn’t enough to make the dread in your gut paralyze you with anxiety, the cold looks you get are. Maybe you’re paranoid, or maybe people are actually sneering at you because they recognize you. Either way, this feeling of wanting to disappear doesn’t go away.

You stop walking to dig in the pocket of your jacket to pull out your phone. It’s a pathetic attempt to look like you’re not a total outsider who would rather be anywhere else. Unfortunately, your actions don’t provide you with the comfort you’re looking for. You wonder if hiding somewhere inside would stifle the nerves you feel. As fate (and your rotten luck) would have it, you don’t get a chance to make that decision.

In a sudden instant, you feel a body collide with your own. You recoil with a surprised gasp when a hot liquid spills all over your chest and torso. The distinct smell makes you panic. Coffee stains are the worst kind, and you just know your mom is going kill you if the uniform she worked so hard to pay for is ruined. Panic seeps into your chest as you start to wipe at your wet clothes without looking up. It’s futile, but just thinking about the consequences that you’re going to face if the overpriced uniform got ruined makes you want to throw up.

“What the fuck!?” The loud yell draws the attention of all the people within the spacious vicinity. “Watch where you’re going, you fucking idiot!”

You furrow your eyebrows angrily, and before you can lift your head to see who’s yelling, you feel an empty cup hit your feet. The remnants of the coffee splatter on your shoes and the lower part of your shins. Somehow, you feel cold despite the coffee being scorching hot.

The surprised guffaws and gasps seem muffled because of how loud your heartbeat is. A yell of your own is building in your throat, but when you look up, you’re suddenly at a complete loss for words. It all feels like some horrible nightmare because you find yourself looking at a face that you never wanted to see again.

Like a scene out of a cheesy movie, your (former) sworn enemy is standing right in front of you.

For some inexplicable reason, you can’t find your voice. You can only stare at Jeonghan with a dumb expression on your face. The embarrassment and anger you feel clash together and whirl inside you like a tornado, but even the intensity of your emotions isn’t enough to get you to express them in the way you want.

Jeonghan feels very pleased with himself until the unknown girl lifts her head. He blinks once, twice, and a third time. This doesn’t have the effect he desires because the image of you isn’t going away. Many years have passed since he last saw you, but he could never forget your face. Jeonghan might’ve thought he was dropped in the middle of some bizarre dream if it wasn’t for the harsh hammering of his heart. It really is you standing in front of him, looking like you’re two seconds away from murdering him.

“What the hell is your problem?” You seeth, no longer able to push down all the anger you’re feeling. “You’re the one who ran into me, asshole!”

Never in your life had you seen someone turn so red in the span of two seconds. You briefly wonder why Jeonghan feels so embarrassed when it’s you who’s dripping in coffee with what feels like the entire world laughing at your expense.

“Y/N?” His voice is incredulous. “What are you doing here?”

It’s a stupid question to ask considering the fact that you’re literally wearing the school issued uniform and have a school bag slung over your shoulders, but you know what Jeonghan actually means: How is it possible that someone like you is attending this school?

You aren’t about to dignify him with an answer since it seems like the watching crowd is itching for a show. Giving him a reaction is only going to make you look crazy, and you won’t give him or anyone else that satisfaction. It seems like you’re the only one that feels this way, though.

“You can’t hand wash the uniform. It has to be dry cleaned.”

Once again, the snickers and mocking whispers sound deafening. Instead of punching him in the mouth like you want, you somehow convince yourself to keep a level head. “Whatever. Move.” You snap before shoving past the stunned boy.

Once you get away from that embarrassing scene and find a bathroom, you shrug off your jacket to assess the damage. A scowl brings down the edges of your lips when you see the dark stains the coffee left behind. With an aggravated sigh, you glance down at your uniform. The front part is somewhat damp and a bit dirty, but luckily for you (and your mom’s bank account) the stains aren’t too prominent.

You take a deep breath before lifting your head and squaring your shoulders. It doesn’t matter that this already feels like the worst day ever, you can’t lose sight of the goal your mom has in mind. And you definitely can’t let Jeonghan of all people derail those plans. Playing into his petty games isn’t something you can afford to do anymore. Not that you want to, anyway.

When you finally calm down and decide to face the day, you find Jeonghan standing outside the bathroom, waiting for you. His shocked gaze from before is long gone and replaced with a hostile one you're more familiar with.

“I guess the standards of the scholarship program have hit an all time low.” He says as he falls into step beside you. “Do you really think coming here is going to change anything? Someone like you doesn’t belong here.”

You try your hardest to ignore him, but he keeps following you. Briefly, you wonder why it seems like he’s eager to pick up where you two left off. Were his parents thinking the same thing as yours, or was this something he was doing on his own?

“I’m talking to you.”

Finally, you stop and turn to him with a mean glare on your face. “I can see the years have done nothing for that pea-sized brain of yours. No matter how much you want me gone, I’m not going anywhere.”

“If you think you’ll somehow claw your way back up the social ladder, you can get rid of that pathetic idea right now.” Jeonghan all but growls, feeling a type of anxiousness he hasn’t in years. “You don’t belong in this world anymore, and you never will.”

Maybe he was right, but that doesn’t matter. You’re not thinking of running away, especially from him. “Scared I’m gonna take your spot at the table?”

“Yeah, right.” He laughs, but it doesn’t sound as confident as he wants. “Someone like you will never take anything from me.”

You look at him and let out a contemptuous laugh. It had been years, but Jeonghan had remained painfully unchanging. The crazed look in his eyes and tone of voice makes you smirk. “You are scared.”

Jeonghan practically has steam coming out of his ears. He can’t say anything, and he’s not entirely sure why. You’re not at the same level as him anymore, but that doesn’t seem to shake any of that annoying self-confidence you’ve always had. Ironically, it feels like he’s the one on unsteady ground. An anxious feeling seeps into his stature because it’s like he can already hear his dad’s disappointed voice for letting you of all people shake him up.

“Well, you should be.” You say, wanting to get under his skin. “Because I don’t need money to get the things I want.”

Maybe those words triggered a reaction out of Jeonghan that was deeper than you realized, but it doesn’t matter. As soon as you got accepted into the private school, your fate was sealed.

The day doesn’t get much better for you as it goes on. Studying amongst the blue bloods wouldn’t be so bad if you happened to be a regular poor person, but since you and your entire family fell from grace all those years ago, you don’t have the luxury of going unnoticed. Their sly comments and sneers don’t hurt, but they are unbearably annoying.

Expectedly, you’ve made no new friends. Nearly every person looks at you like you’re an unwanted parasite, and you have a strong inkling that it has everything to do with what happened with Jeonghan in the morning. It’s not surprising, but it makes you feel more alone than you expect.

When the school day is finally over and you think you can finally get away from all the turmoil you’re feeling, you walk out the building to see the one person who can make this day even worse. Your dad isn’t alone. He’s accompanied by his wife and her son, Seokmin. You barely have time to digest seeing him after so long before he’s turning his head in your direction and makes eye contact.

In a split second, his smile falters until it’s completely wiped off his face. The oh shit look he has on his face makes an unmistakable revulsion force its way up your throat. Many would feel comforted by the sight of their father approaching them, but all you can feel is the dislike and lack of affection you have for him. Briefly, you wonder why he thinks it’s a good idea to come up to you when it’s clear he didn’t know that it was also your first day of school.

“Y/N.” The way he speaks your name is awkward and unsure. “What are you doing here?”

If one more person asked you that, you swear you were going to rip your hair out. Instead of snarking at him to use his fucking eyes and take a look at what you’re wearing, you respond as calmly as you can. “I applied for a scholarship last year.” You tell him, feeling like you might cry. “Mom said she left you a message.”

The grimace on his face makes you feel stupid and embarrassed, but you can’t walk away like you want. It feels like your feet are rooted to the ground, and there’s also the (not so) tiny fact that your mom would never forgive you if you walked away.

“I... I was going to call, but I wasn’t sure if you wanted to hear from me.”

You’re tempted to tell him that you know he hasn’t given you a single thought in the last four years. It’s blatantly obvious that his stepson is vastly more important to him than you are. You know that, and it no longer hurts as much as it used to.

“Mom said she called you last week.” You repeat, trying not to let your voice give away all the emotions brewing inside you. “She wants us to have dinner together tonight.”

His remorseful expression changes, and you know that he’s about to make things difficult for you all over again. “Y/N, today isn’t—”

“Never mind.” You cut him off, not in the mood to hear his excuses. “Your family is waiting for you, and mom’s waiting for me at home.”

Your dad’s wounded expression doesn’t make you feel anything. Especially not when you notice Jeonghan and his idiot friends gawking at you from afar. You don’t give your dad a chance to respond before you turn on your heel and walk away, hoping the angry tears poking the back of your eyes don’t fall before you get out of their line of sight.

The trip home is longer than usual now that you have to take two buses instead of one. It gives you time to think, although, you wish you didn’t have so much time to ponder your rampant thoughts. All you want to do is get home and sleep off the exhausting day you had.

Unfortunately for you, the universe had other plans that went directly against your wishes.

Directly in front of your apartment building, you can see your mom waiting for you. She has a pensive look on her face that can easily been mistaken with vexation, but you can’t be sure when it comes to the same woman who never reacts the way you expect her to. It’s rare to see a bright expression on your mother’s face these days, but she beams as soon as she sees you approaching.

“Y/N!” She hurries over to you with expectant eyes. “Did you see your father?”

You wish she didn’t look so excited as you nod silently, but her eyes seem to shine as she continues with her questioning. “How did it go? Did he agree to come tonight?”

Of course she only cares about that. Not how your day at a new school was or if you were adjusting well. She didn’t care if you liked the school nor was she interested to know if you made any friends. It’s not disappointing anymore, just irritating.

“He didn’t know that I got a scholarship.” Like she told you a month ago. “He didn’t even show up to see me.”

The excited smile slips off your mom’s face instantly. Her gaze turnes dark as a deep frown settles on her features. “What? How could you be so stupid?” Her voice rises into a hysteric yell. “I ask you to do one thing, and you can’t even do that right!”

You clench your jaw as if that will somehow relieve the anger that’s washing over you. Her degrading words are nothing new, but today it’s getting to you more than usual. “It’s not my fault he wants nothing to do with us. I told you—”

“Shut up.” She growls. “I don’t want to hear your excuses. I knew I couldn’t count on you.”

A humorless laugh rips from your throat before you can stop it. “Then you should’ve talked to him yourself instead of making me do it since you’re the one who wants to beg him for money.”

Knowing exactly how to get a reaction out of your mom is always satisfactory, until it isn’t. “I’m only doing this for you! Do you think I want to beg him for money after he abandoned me? All I’ve done since he left is try to give you a better life, and I’m sick of you punishing me for it!”

You could’ve laughed at the absurdity of her words. How could she think that when all these years it felt like you were the one being punished? Instead of telling her some overdue truths, you let out a quiet scoff. “Whatever. He wasn’t going to agree to come no matter what I said to him, and you know it.”

Her silence feels like a victory, but it’s a temporary one. “What I know is that you’re only capable of disappointing me.”

You don’t get a chance to respond before your mom brushes past you with an infuriated scowl. You look back angrily, watching her storm into the building. There’s a familiar anger burning fiercely in your chest as the argument lingers in your mind. She’s not worth your anger, but you can’t stop the overflow of every ugly emotion you’ve been bottling up since the morning.

Things don’t get better after that first day.

Unfortunately for you, going to the city’s most expensive private school doesn’t get any easier with time. The year passes by slowly, and you can’t truly enjoy it because you’re either studying or working. It’s hard to do both, but you aren’t left with much of a choice since your new school brought about unexpected expenses that your mom can’t afford to pay for alone.

As the months pass by, you wonder if all your hard work is really worth it. This dangerous thought lingers in your mind when you get to school on a rainy day after missing your first bus. You’re wet, cold, and tired. After pulling an all-nighter because you had to study for your history test, you’re not in the best mood. And because you apparently had the worst luck ever, Lee Seokmin just has to approach you to remind you that your dad’s birthday is just around the corner.

“Is there a reason you’re telling me this?” You wonder as you half-heartedly shove books into your locker.

“I just...” Seokmin’s voice is meek and nervous. “Are you going to come to his party this time?”

It’s funny that he assumed you were invited this time or any of the other times. “No. I have work that day.”

It’s not exactly a lie. Despite not knowing what day the celebration would be, you knew that you’d either be busy studying or working. Not that this seems to click with the trust fund brat that was abnormally attached to your father.

“You can’t ask for the day off? It would mean a lot to dad if you came.”

His sentence makes your chest and stomach tighten with incredulity and annoyance because it’s so out of touch with reality. You can’t even laugh or feel angry. It’s tempting to tell him that you know your dad couldn’t care less if you went to his birthday party since he hadn’t even bothered to tell you when or where it was happening. Somehow, you manage to stifle your growing ire to respond civilly.

“It’s not like he’s going to be devastated if I don’t go.” You say calmly despite wanting to express the emotions that keep gnawing at your chest.

Seokmin frowns at your impassive attitude. “Of course he’ll care. He’s still your dad—”

“Listen.” You cut him off, slamming your locker shut and finally turning your angry stare at him. “You don’t know shit. Just because he’s played the part of the perfect daddy with you for years, doesn’t mean that’s who he is. So just leave me alone before you piss me off.”

Seokmin shifts uncomfortably, wishing that he hadn’t said anything in the first place. He never meant to antagonize you despite what you’re clearly thinking. He just wants to find some common ground with you. Childishly, he believes it’ll get rid of the guilty feeling he gets every time he sees you.

“Sorry.” Seokmin whispers. “I’ll leave you alone.”

Taking out the resentment you have for your dad on Seokmin doesn’t make you feel better. Somehow you manage to feel even worse after he walks away from you. This dejecting feeling doesn’t go away even as the day goes on. It actually gets worse when you sit down at the library to study during your free period.

It feels like your mind is coming to a crashing halt after being on overdrive for months. You try to pull through even though you’re fucking exhausted. All the effort you’re putting into your studies is so you can win the Merit Scholarship that would pay for your college, and burning out at this point in time wasn’t an option. The prospect of finally piecing your life back together to the way it was before makes it a little easier to ignore the fatigue and stress that lingers in your bones.

But for some reason this day (and the universe) seemed to be working against you.

“You’re fucking lying.” The voice is familiar, but you can’t place it.

“I’m not.” Now there’s a voice you recognize. It belongs to Joshua Hong—a.k.a the evil church boy who identifies as Jeonghan’s bestie. “I was there when he did it.”

“There’s no way Yoon Jeonghan applied for the Merit Scholarship.”

Those words make you freeze. Everything around you becomes a blur as disbelief clouds your senses. Instead of your mind racing with an excess amount of thoughts, there’s only one that keeps bouncing around in your mind: Yoon Jeonghan did this on purpose.

“He turned in the application months ago.” You swear you can hear a smirk in that deviant’s voice.

“Did his family go broke or something?”

“Yeah, right.” A different voice scoffs. “His dad just donated more money to have the arts building expanded. He definitely doesn’t need that scholarship.”

There isn’t many things you can see eye-to-eye on with the snobs at your school, but that last statement is definitely one thing you can agree on. Yoon Jeonghan doesn’t need the scholarship. If you were anyone else, you would think him applying for the scholarship was some mystery with no reasonable explanation, but you know better. This was all because of your refusal to concede to him. Your actions had obviously struck a nerve with his pride, and now he was going to hit you where it hurt.

You can’t even be fully angry. Not when it’s such a well thought out scheme. Still, you feel sick and unable to keep siting still to study. So you quickly gather your stuff and leave the library without noticing the pair of eyes that are watching your every move.

Josh snorts and pulls out his phone, quickly typing a message before sending it out with a satisfied smirk on his face.

It’s done. You should’ve seen her face LMAO.

If you think you can leave school peacefully to try and feel better, you’re proven wrong when you run into Jeonghan as you’re going home.

“You’re leaving already?” He says in a sickly sweet voice as he starts walking beside you. “Maybe you should stick around and study. You won’t win the Merit Scholarship by slacking off.”

“I don’t need to try that hard to beat you.”

There’s a subtle change in Jeonghan’s eyes as he glares at you. “I wouldn’t be so sure. Don’t forget that no matter how smart you are, you’re still a nobody to the people that matter.”

Maybe you should’ve been less naive of the situation. Jeonghan was an asshole, but was also right. You just didn’t know it yet.

Jeonghan begins to bother you more often after he lets you know he wants the scholarship. The remainder of the year he constantly torments and mocks you with the help of his snobby friends. Ignoring them isn’t easy, but the thought that you won’t have to put up with them for much longer helps you power through.

Before you know it, the day the winner of the scholarship will be announced arrives.

The school has an entire ceremony dedicated to academic excellence, and you happen to be one of the students being honored. Friends and family were all encouraged to come since they were giving out multiple awards. Since Seokmin wasn’t getting an academic award, your dad didn’t bother to show up, but he did encourage you to beat Jeonghan via text. You didn’t care so much because you had your mother there, and for the first time in a long time, she seemed genuinely happy. You could see her beaming at you proudly from where she sat.

In spite of all the arguments and resentment, you were thrilled that all your hard work had paid off. Finally, you were going to get your life back. All you had to do was win the scholarship and everything else would naturally fall into place. You’re seated in the second row as the head of the foundation that provided the scholarship steps up to the podium to announce the winner.

Unfortunately, the name of the recipient for the Merit Scholarship is not yours. Maybe the blow wouldn’t have been so devastating if the name that was announced didn’t belong to Jeonghan.

That asshole is sitting in the row in front of you, and like the final killing blow he always delivers when messing with you, he turns around to give you a triumphant smirk. Anger and disappointment clash inside you as if fighting for dominance to see which one is the more prominent feeling. You can feel your hands trembling and your throat tightening. The situation is unjust and cruel, but that doesn’t seem to matter to anyone except you.

This intense feeling worsens the more the situation sinks in. You don’t even want to look at your mom because you know she’s the only person who’s more angry and humiliated than you are. Everyone is cheering and clapping, but you physically can’t join in. Pretending to be happy for someone who had quite literally just ruined your life was something even you couldn’t do.

When the ceremony is over, your mom doesn’t say anything. Her expression is grim and veiled with muted anger. It makes the nerves in your stomach coil into an uncomfortable knot as you follow her out of the auditorium. You can’t say anything as a thick silence engulfs you because you know anything you say won’t be enough to appease her anger.

“This is just fantastic.” Her words come out in the form of an insincere laugh. “I worked my ass off to send you to this damn school, and this is how you repay me?”

It’s tempting to tell her that you’re the one who worked hard to get into the school despite never wanting to step back into this world, but instead you bite your tongue. After all, there’s no point in arguing with her. No amount of rage or disappointment will change the fact that you won’t be able to afford your dream college. With your current financial situation, pursuing higher education was out of the question, and because of your loss, so was the relationship with your mother.

“After all I’ve sacrificed!?” Her angry voice seems to echo throughout the large hallway, and you can feel the lingering people start to stare. “I’ve given up my entire life for you, and you couldn’t win that damn scholarship! You lost it to Yoon Jeonghan of all people!”

“Mom.” Your voice is flat and tired. “That’s enough. People are staring.”

Pointing that out would usually be enough to get her in check, but the deranged look in her eyes tells you that her anger goes beyond any embarrassment that her behavior might cause. “You’re not even sorry, are you?” She scoffs in angry disbelief.

“Neither are you.” The words come out before you can stop them. “You never had a problem with using me as your meal ticket until I didn’t win, right?”

You hear a chorus of shocked gasps when a cold hand collides with your cheek. A stinging sensation is left behind that has a different type of anger coursing through your veins. Your hand trembles as you bring it up to hold your throbbing cheek. Angry tears pool in your eyes as you look into your mother’s remorseless eyes.

“How dare you speak to me that way?” Her voice borders on a yell. “Every single thing I’ve done has been for you and your future. If I knew you were this useless, I wouldn’t have bothered.”

Your mom brushes past you as if you’re a perfect stranger to her. As if you mean nothing to her anymore. Holding the stinging tears in your eyes is painful, but that doesn’t compare to the hurt your mom’s words left behind.

Anger and misery collide together to form a weighing pressure on your chest that makes it difficult to breathe. It feels like your throat is closing in on itself, and you wonder if it’s because of the sob you’re holding in. The heavy tears fall from the top of your lids before you can try to blink them away. It’s humiliating, but you can no longer suppress your emotions like you’d been doing the whole time.

The burning sensation in your cheek has turned into a dull ache at this point, but all you can focus on is the feelings that are eating you from the inside. You see your peers and their families gawking at you. The whispers, snickers, and pitiful glances feel like daggers cutting into you, yet all you can do is stand stolidly and cry silently.

Just when you think you can’t feel any worse, you catch sight of Jeonghan and his family walking out of the auditorium with the head of the foundation. His father is shaking hands with the man, patting him on the back like someone would do to a longtime friend. Which is exactly what the head of the foundation is to him.

Now Jeonghan’s words from before made perfect sense. You’re a fool to realize it this late. Not that it matters anymore. Everything is over now, and all you can do is walk away.

“Your dad really outdid himself.”

Jeonghan offers the girl on his arm a disinterested hum. Honestly, he’d rather to be anywhere else but the gala his dad throws every year. Magnificent as it always is, it’s so boring and draining that it feels more like work than anything. His eyes keep scanning the room for any sign of his friends—or anyone that will save him from his boredom.

“Oh my god!” Mina releases his arm from the death grip she has on it to push past him. “Is that Y/F/N!?”

Jeonghan has to pause for several reasons:

1) Hearing that name after so long makes his chest and stomach flip in the most unpleasant way. 2) It’s unlikely that this airhead heiress is talking about you, but if she is, how is it possible that she knows who you are? 3) There’s no way you would be at his dad’s gala. 4) After disappearing for three years, it doesn’t make sense that you would suddenly appear here of all places.

But when he follows Mina’s line of sight, he sees that it is you, looking more elegant and gorgeous than ever. You’re wearing a designer gown that looks like it was custom made, and you have a tall, six foot nothing piece of arm candy by your side. Even Jeonghan can’t deny that you look like a picture of perfection, and he can’t even begin to figure out why or how you’re at his dad’s gala looking like that.

“And she's with Kim Mingyu!? Oh my god, I have to get a picture—!”

Jeonghan thinks Mina is joking until he sees that she’s already halfway across the room, which is the fastest he’s seen her move all night. Maybe the champagne has gotten to his head because there’s no fucking way any of this is real right now. To his horror, his date actually makes one of his father’s business associates take the picture.

“Close your mouth.” A familiar voice orders. “It’s unbecoming.”

His mom is coldly stringent with the delivery of her words. She doesn’t look surprised, and it makes him feel sick. What the hell is going on?

“Your father invited her.” Her tone leaves no room for questions. “So act like the gentleman I raised you to be, and go say hello.”

He can’t argue because not only is he completely speechless, but also due to the fact that his mom is quick to leave him standing alone. Jeonghan knows his eyes are open wide in that angry way that makes him look like he’s crazy, but he doesn’t care. Why was everyone suddenly acting like they were in some alternate universe?

“Son.”

Jeonghan’s body goes stiff. Immediately, he straightens his expression out as he turns to face his father. He’s met with a familiarly cold expression. It makes the hairs on the back of his neck stand. There’s a thick silence that envelopes them for a brief moment before his dad begins to speak. “Get that stupid look off your face and join me to go greet our guests.”

Again, he’s left with no room to argue because his dad walks away from him. Jeonghan is quick to follow behind him, aware of the consequences that would befall him should he disobey. Much to his chagrin, he sees his date has wandered off after successfully getting a picture with you and your date. This bizarre situation paired with his father’s attitude makes Jeonghan feel like a clueless little boy all over again.

The feeling gets worse when he comes face to face with you for the first time in years.

Your pretty eyes settle on him for a brief moment that can’t even be considered a full second before they look at his father. The man on your arm—Kim Mingyu—doesn’t acknowledge him at all. Jeonghan’s jaw ticks irritably, but he keeps his composure. Something else is clearly going on, and he would never hear the end of it if he ruined his dad’s covert plans.

“Y/N! Mingyu! I’m so glad you two made time to come!” Jeonghan’s father seems like a different person as he goes to shake hands with faux elation in his voice.

“We can’t stay long.” You say with an infuriatingly perfect smile. “But you’ll have to invite us next year because the event is fabulous.”

It irritates Jeonghan that his dad seems genuinely happy at receiving your stamp of approval. He wants to shake him and ask him if he’s lost his damn mind, but he can only plaster on a fake smile of his own.

“Of course.” There’s that fake politeness again. “Surely you two have time for a drink, though?”

Hearing his dad speak the way his employees do to him is sickening, and Jeonghan has to stop himself from gagging.

“Just one.” Mingyu says with a grin so charming that Jeonghan swears he hears some of the surrounding people swoon. “S.Coups is expecting us at his album release party. I’m sure you understand.”

“Of course.” He says in an understanding tone that he would’ve never used on Jeonghan. He doesn’t get time to contemplate his dad’s out of character behavior because the older man turns to you with a smile.

“Y/N, I’m sure you remember my son, Jeonghan.” His father puts a hand on his shoulder and squeezes enough for it to hurt without making him visibly uncomfortable. “I think you two were still in high school the last time you saw each other.”

Finally, you two look each other in the face again. Your face is blank—a picture of impassive. Then, another beautiful smile graces your face. “That’s right. It’s good to see you again. How have you been?”

“I’ve been busy with school.” He hopes his smile doesn’t look as fake as it feels. “So have you, I presume?”

Jeonghan feels proud of his subtle dig until he feels his father stiffen beside him. Your smile doesn’t falter, but it does turn into an amused one as you share a look with Mingyu who doesn't bother to stifle the laugh that tumbles past his lips.

“Jeonghan.” The glare his father is giving him means he was definitely going to hear about his apparent slip up later. “You should go find Mina.”

Translation: Get lost before you embarrass me further.

“Oh. Sure.” Jeonghan tries not to feel like a scolded little boy who’s being shooed away. “It was nice to meet you, Mingyu. Nice seeing you again, Y/N.”

He’s not sure if you saying goodbye without a hint of amusement makes him feel better or worse.

The rest of the night proceeds smoothly, but Jeonghan has to leave early so he can avoid an awkward car ride back to the house with his parents. Not that it makes any difference because he can tell his dad is still very much angry at him when he gets home.

“I told you to go over the information my secretary gave you.”

His dad has a way of speaking that makes Jeonghan feel like he’s getting yelled at even though he isn’t. It makes him wish he hadn’t gotten drunk with Soonyoung instead of going over that damn binder full of names and faces. Obviously thinking he’d be able to skate by like all the other times was a severe miscalculation.

“You spend so much time on that damn phone that I thought you’d know Y/F/N and Kim Mingyu are at the top of the modeling industry right now. I’ve been trying to convince them to advertise our new cosmetic line for weeks!”

Jeonghan feels like his ears are ringing because there’s no way. He fights the urge to pull out his phone and search for confirmation. Maybe he should’ve done that when he got home instead of opening up the whiskey in his dad’s liquor cabinet.

“You said they didn’t seem offended that Jeonghan didn’t know who they were—” His mom is cut off by his dad’s angry yell.

“That doesn’t change the fact that your brilliant son still refuses to do what I ask of him!”

There’s a tense silence in the room as Jeonghan has to withstand the most scornful glare he’s gotten in his life. His father has a crazy look in his eye that makes Jeonghan feel two feet tall. “Any time they advertise a product, it sells out within days. If they refuse to endorse our products because of you—!”

“Honey,” his mother goes to her husband to placate him. “Jeonghan will apologize to them. Isn’t that right, son?”

She might not be yelling, but her voice is cold as ice, and Jeonghan is left with no room to disagree.

There’s not much that can intimidate Jeonghan, but even he has to admit that being in such foreign territory feels unnervingly daunting. After his dad’s secretary did some digging, he found out you were doing a photo shoot near his college. It’s a closed set, but luckily having the last name Yoon is like having an all access pass to pretty much any place he can think of.

This works until he tries to approach you as you’re getting your makeup touched up. Two burly men stop him from getting close, and a man who he would’ve assumed to be a model if it wasn’t for the way he was dressed stands behind them with a raised eyebrow.

“I made it clear to Lee Chan that there would be no interview.” His voice is rough and mean—something Jeonghan isn’t used to getting from anyone aside from his parents.

Jeonghan doesn’t know if he should be more offended that this guy assumed him to be of the working class or that he was being treated like someone that was beneath you. “No, that’s not—I’m a friend.”

The guy looks mildly surprised before he looks back at you. “You know this guy, Y/N?”

You look up from your phone with the same blank expression from the gala. Because you’ve acted cordial so far, Jeonghan doesn’t expect the next words to come out of your mouth. “No. I don’t.”

Jeonghan thinks about causing a scene, but then he knows that won’t help his predicament. So he lets himself be escorted off the sight, feeling more humiliated than ever. It’s unlike him to give up (not to mention that it’s not an option), which is why he waits by a car that undoubtedly belongs to you. To think that he would be reduced to go this far just to apologize to you is infuriating.

“There’s that creep from before.” Your manager frowns as you and your team are walking to the car.

You smirk, knowing what’s going to come next is going to be the highlight of your day. “It’s alright, Jihoon. He’s probably just a fan.”

Jeonghan is surprised when you gesture for him to come towards you while your team starts to get ready to leave. He clenches his jaw when he sees an arrogant smirk on your face. “Is there a reason you’re acting like a stalker and crashing my shoot?”

Insulting you is something Jeonghan wishes he had the option of doing, but he’s not willing to disappoint his father over some temporary satisfaction. After all, he only needs to give you an insincere apology and everything would be fine. So he takes a deep breath and hopes his words don’t come out sarcastic or mocking.

“I wanted to apologize for the other night.” Okay. That sounded somewhat sincere. “I didn’t know—”

“That your daddy’s been begging me to advertise his product?” You laugh. “I guess you just assumed that I married some rich guy to crawl my way up the social ladder, right?”

Shit. He has to do some damage control, and fast. “No—No. That’s not it at all...”

You wait for him to finish, but it really seems like he has nothing else to say. It’s not surprising, but it is amusing. Jeonghan still expected things to work in his favor just because of who he was, but he was in for a rude awakening. You step toward him with a vengeful smile on your face. “That apology is pathetic as you are.”

“What?” Jeonghan growls, unable to keep up this fake politeness he’s been showing you until now.

“You know, when your dad came to my agency to beg me to advertise those shitty products he came out with, I couldn’t help but think that you really are his son.” Your sneer is meaner than he remembers. “It was fun seeing him kiss my ass and offer me so much money, but you know what? I think trashing your daddy’s new product line is going to be so much more fun.”

You bump his shoulder as you walk past him, leaving him feeling like a bucket of ice cold water was dumped over his head. There was a malicious calmness in your tone that didn’t sit well with him at all.

Jeonghan quickly tries to do some damage control because even if you didn’t agree to advertise the new cosmetic line, Kim Mingyu could surely be swayed. The only problem is that he underestimated how much influence you actually have. Not only does the male model reject the apology, but he also officially declines the offer his father’s company made him.

If that wasn’t enough to piss his father off, you also decline the offer and follow it with a slanderous live that wasn’t technically slanderous under the court of law. Many comments came in about you potentially modeling for the line when you flat out said you didn’t particularly care for their products since they weren’t animal friendly and were overpriced. That caused enough backlash for the campaign ads that were underway to be halted immediately.

Despite trying to tell his parents that you never had any intention of advertising their products, he still found himself kicked out of the grand mansion he grew up in and forced to go stay at the frat house with eight other guys.

“Hold on. You know the Y/F/N!?” His friend yells after Jeonghan is done explaining why he got cut off. “You fucking traitor! How could you hide this from me when you know how much I love her?”

Jeonghan glares at Soonyoung, wanting to throttle him for only focusing on that part of the story. Also, he isn’t to blame for failing to realize the queen of the modeling industry his friend was always referring to was you.

“I still can’t believe you didn't know how famous she is.” Seungkwan says with a scoff. “She’s literally in a bunch of ads and magazines. Plus, she always walks in important fashion shows.”

Wonwoo smirks when Jeonghan pouts like a petulant child. The curiosity is eating away at him, and he feels the need to ask about something that’s not fully making sense to him. “So, you’re saying that Y/F/N did this because you’ve hated each other since you were kids?”

“She’s still not over me winning the scholarship she wanted.” Jeonghan says with a scowl. “Because of her, I have to do well on this interview so I can have some money to hold me over until I get full access to my trust next month.”

“You’re seriously going to apply for an internship at Vogue?” Soonyoung wonders with a raised eyebrow. “Won’t you be paid slave wages?”

Wonwoo and Seungkwan snicker, ignoring the glare Jeonghan throws their way. So the pay wouldn’t be great, but it was Vogue. To have an internship like that on his resume would do wonders for his career. Maybe money wasn’t the main attraction to the internship, but what he would get out of it would be worth so much more.

At least, that’s what he thinks until he’s sent to go help with a fitting for Xu Minghao’s upcoming spring collection. There’s plenty of models around who are needing minor alterations to the clothes they’re wearing, and Jeonghan has the great misfortune of handling the alterations needed for your dress.

Aside from you laughing at the fact that he’s literally on his knees, adjusting the hemline of the dress you have on, there’s nothing out of the ordinary. Until he accidentally pokes you with the needle, that is. The ow you let out isn’t overly loud, but it is enough to grab the attention of Xu Minghao and Jeonghan’s direct supervisor.

“Y/N, darling, what’s wrong?” Minghao asks you, grabbing your hands as he eyes you up and down.

“Nothing. I—I just thought you’d have interns who are capable of not poking the models when they do the alterations.” You say with a slight grimace, knowing exactly what pulls at the designer’s heart strings.

Jeonghan receives two withering glares, and before the day is over he no longer has a job.

Exacting your revenge was one of the greatest feelings you’d ever felt. The outcome of your actions was more than justified, but your manager didn’t seem to think so. Your behavior confused him because he never knew you to be so spiteful to someone who simply made a mistake.

“Are you gonna tell me what’s going on between you and that intern you got fired?”

You look up from the newly posted pictures from the Armani show that you closed last week. Jihoon’s eyes are still fixed on the road, but he’s always had this annoying skill for seeing right through you without even looking at you. There’s no use in lying to him—not that you were planning to. You just thought you’d have a little more time to enjoy your revenge before telling the only person who knew about your past with that trust fund brat.

“That intern is Yoon Jeonghan.”

Jihoon’s eyes widen when he hears the name of the person you despise the most in the world. He looks at the rear view mirror to see that you’re back to staring at your phone. He quickly focuses back on the road, grip tightening on the steering wheel.

“Oh.” He murmurs, unsure of what to say. “The same guy who—?”

He cuts himself off, but you know what he was about to say. The same guy who ruined your life? You don’t bother to finish the sentence for him.

“The very one.”

It’s silent for a moment before Jihoon speaks again. “Don’t you think you went a little too far?”

You don’t look up, but he notices the tightening of your jaw. The pause you take isn’t long, but it feels that way. “He has a trust fund to fall back on unlike me who had nothing when my mom kicked me out for not winning the scholarship he stole from me.”

Jihoon doesn’t say anything. You’re speaking about the worst moment of your life so casually that anyone would think it doesn’t bother you anymore, but he knows the truth.

“Did you hear back from the agency?” You ask, not wanting to keep talking about the past.

“Yeah. They don’t mind you going to classes for this semester as long as you still do the Marc Jacobs show in Milan and the Versace show in Paris.”

“I also promised Jun I’d do his New York show.” You mention with a victorious smile.

Jihoon hums in acknowledgment. He’s not against the idea of you taking your college classes in person for a semester, but he wonders if it will be okay.

As usual, your manager was right to worry.

Weeks of your college experience go by without any problems. During that time you didn’t notice that Jeonghan had been watching you. He didn’t follow you around or anything like that, but he had observed you long enough to notice that you were oddly attached to your laptop that looked like it was in need of a serious upgrade. And he knows. That’s the ticket to his revenge. So he patiently waits for his chance to grab that ticket.

It takes some convincing (a large sum of money) for Jeonghan to get his English professor to pair you with him for the upcoming project. All he needs to do is get that laptop from you to get the revenge he craves.

You, on the other hand, couldn’t be more angry. Never mind the fact that there was this perpetual animosity between you and your partner. Jeonghan was also one of the most idiotic people you had ever met. Carrying him on this project was the last thing you wanted to do.

“Don’t expect me to do all the work. I don’t care if have photo shoots or whatever. Make sure you know the material.”

You almost let out an incredulous scoff at his audacity, but instead you just give him an arrogant smile. “I think you forget that you’re the one who always lost to me when it came to academics.”

Jeonghan gives you smug smirk of his own. “And yet I’m the one who won the Merit Scholarship.”

For the first time since he’s seen you again, your arrogant expression falters. He’s not allowed to enjoy the dumb look on your face because you’re quick to smooth it out as if you weren’t slighted by his comment. It’s almost amazing how quickly you manage to cover up your expression.

“Please.” You scoff, trying not to yell at him in the middle of the library. “Your daddy bought that for you just like everything else you have. Too bad intelligence is something that even he can’t afford to get you.”

Jeonghan looks like he did all those years ago on your first day of senior year. His expression is so funny that you can’t help but laugh at him. Your mellifluous laughter catches the attention of some of the people sitting not too far from you who happened to be apparent fans of yours. The pair doesn’t hesitate to walk over to your table and ask for a picture.

You stand up and pose with each of them with that friendly smile you give to everyone except Jeonghan. While your back is turned, he sees your laptop slightly sticking out of your bag. It’s almost too easy to the grab the device and stick it in his own bag. He does it with a precision and smoothness that takes even him by surprise.

As soon as you’re done, you turn back to see Jeonghan gathering the books on the table, bag already slung over his shoulder like he’s ready to leave.

“What the hell? You’re leaving?” You say, annoyed that he was already not pulling his weight this early on.

“I have things to do.” Jeonghan says with a shrug. “I’ll text you later to let you know when I’m free to meet up.”

He leaves you frowning and unaware that he took the single most important item you own.

It’s not until you get back home that you realize your laptop is missing. You panic, practically tearing the house apart trying to find it. Every moment of the day flashes through your mind because you did have a tendency to forget things. It was the reason why Jihoon was responsible for handling most of your personal items when you did shoots.

Jihoon. You think as you search your room for the third time. He’s going to be so disappointed and angry.

The contents in the laptop isn’t what you’re worried about, but the laptop itself. Jihoon bought it for you after he convinced your agency that taking online classes would not affect your work. It meant so much to you because he was the only person who knew how much you had wanted to go to college despite not being able to after you graduated high school.

You’re nearly in tears after realizing that you really had lost it. Even if you went back to the campus early in the morning, it would take you forever to look for it in all the places you’d been to. Just as you’re about to call Jihoon to tell him what happened, you get a text from the last person you want to hear from.

Jeonghan sent a picture of himself holding your most prized possession with an infuriating message attached to it: You’ll get your laptop back if come to my party tonight and take a picture with my friend.

It’s a trap. You know it is. And yet, you still find yourself at the address you were given by the devil incarnate. The frat house is loud and full of people who don’t seem to care or notice who you are. Not that you mind. You only hope Jeonghan doesn’t make things difficult and gives you your laptop right away.

“Y/N!” The deviant yells your name when you finally find him.

Jeonghan is clearly drunk, holding your precious laptop close to him as he drinks some cheap beer. You keep a level head, knowing he just wants a reaction out of you. “Where’s your friend?”

Straight to the point, as always. Jeonghan smirks and whispers something to the boy next to him. His friend disappears into the crowd and returns with someone else minutes later. It’s a cute guy with shining eyes and an adorable smile.

“I love you.” He blurts once he sees you, a blush suffusing his entire face. “You’re so pretty and amazing—!”

He’s drunk, you can tell, but he also seems sincere. It makes you think maybe that rat Jeonghan has actually done this as some twisted way to make his friend’s wish come true. Even if that’s not the case, you could never be mean to someone who supports you—even if that person is friends with someone like Jeonghan.

“Let’s take a picture.” You say with a smile that’s surprisingly easy to conjure.

Naively, you think that Jeonghan will give you the thing you cherish the most after you comply to his wishes. After his friend leaves, he makes no move to give you your laptop. You should’ve expected it, but it still infuriates you.

“I can’t believe you actually came and did what I asked. It makes me wonder what you're hiding in here.” Jeonghan slurs with a smirk that makes you want to throttle him. “I bet you regret acting the way you have.”

You know he’s talking about the things you’ve done to him as soon as you saw him again, and you resist the urge to scream at him that this is nothing compared to what he did to you. Both of you are too focused on each other to see the camera aimed at the rapidly unfolding fight.

“Just give it back, idiot.” You seethe, trying to keep your composure because things are on the verge of getting messy.

“I’m surprised that top model Y/F/N still has this shitty model. Maybe you should think about upgrading.”

Jeonghan laughs again and tauntingly holds out your laptop. As you step forward to grab it, the sleek device slips out of his hand. Everything seems to go in slow motion as you watch the laptop hit the floor and break open. The screen completely detached from the keyboard, and despite being turned off, you can see the cracks that covered half the screen.

You can hear laughter and immature ohs filling up the space. All rational thoughts are ejected from your mind as you grab a cup from a random party-goer and throw it in Jeonghan’s face. The crowd seems to go wild, but that’s not what you’re focused on. Jeonghan doesn’t look shocked or angry. In fact, he looks a lot like the cat who ate the canary.

You realize too late that the guy from before is pointing his phone at you. There’s a sinking feeling in your stomach, but you easily mask your panic and go to pick up the pieces of your broken laptop. The night ends with you running out of the house and a video of you throwing beer in Jeonghan’s face being uploaded for the world to see.

This leaves Jeonghan feeling very pleased with himself.

When he first found out you were going to attend the college he worked so hard to make sure you didn’t get into, it felt like he was living in his worst nightmare. But now with you getting backlash for throwing beer in his face, he’s never felt better. His parents had even reached out to him to get dinner and discuss him moving back in.

“I’m literally never talking to you again.” Soonyoung glares at him with deep resentment. “How could you use me to set up Y/F/N? She probably hates me now.”

Jeonghan rolls his eyes as Seungkwan sympathetically pats his friend on the back. “Don’t worry. I’m sure she hates Jeonghan way more.”

Wonwoo snorts while Soonyoung’s pout gets more sulky by the second. While anyone could agree that Jeonghan’s actions were petty and borderline sociopathic, most of the frat was just glad to have him go back to normal. His temperament had been exponentially worse since you decided to finish the semester in person.

The victory, however, is short-lived.

Two days after the video Jeonghan’s frat brother initially posted, you post a video of your own. The caption was nothing short of absolving: Guess he’s mad I didn’t want to endorse the products his daddy tests on animals.

It’s a factor Jeonghan didn’t consider. Someone else had filmed the entire thing from the part where he’s taunting you about your laptop to the part where he so clearly drops it on purpose and you react by throwing beer in his face. It’s almost comedic how fast public opinion changes. The stocks to his father’s company plummet not even a full hour after you post the video, and Jeonghan is getting way more backlash than you did.

When he sees his dad blowing up his phone, he knows this is the final nail in the coffin that will sever the ties with his family.

Meanwhile, you’re not holding up much better. In spite of managing to spin the situation in your favor, your agency is still displeased that you were involved in a scandal at all. Not to mention that Jihoon is clearly disappointed in you. It’s to be expected since he’s the one who helped you convince everyone that taking classes in person wouldn’t be a problem.

“You told me you didn’t want anything to do with Yoon Jeonghan.” Jihoon reminds you two stand in your living room. “Why did you go there in the first place when you’re the one always saying he's some sort of evil mastermind?”

You frown at him, feeling tears of frustration begin to gather in your eyes. “He took the laptop you gave me! How could I let him keep it when you bought it on the salary you had back then?”

Jihoon’s features soften instantly. He lets out a deep sigh and pulls you into his arms. So that’s why. Even he had failed to remember how much that old laptop meant to you. It makes him smile as you quietly sniffle into his shoulder. Jihoon thinks back to when he bought you the laptop and how grateful you had been. He can still remember clearly how you told him that he was the only person to ever believe in your dreams.

“I’m sorry.” He says as he gently pats your back. “I forgot how much that laptop means to you, but I’ll buy you a new one, okay? I should’ve gotten you a new one a long time ago, anyway. Thanks to you and Mingyu, my salary has increased.”

Even after he gets a tearful laugh, Jihoon wonders if going to college is really what’s best for you. He’s the last person who would want to stop you from chasing your real dream, but he can’t shake the feeling that your war with Yoon Jeonghan is far from over.

Jeonghan is an easy going guy who can laugh at his own misfortune, but he really doesn’t see the humor in you single-handedly ruining his life. His friends disagree. Especially Josh, who came down to visit him after years of being abroad.

“I don’t know why you’re acting all surprised. If I was Y/N, I’d try to ruin your life too.” Josh says before he takes a bite of his food. “Actually, I’m surprised that she didn’t try sooner. Especially after what happened at the awards ceremony.”

Soonyoung and Seungkwan’s curiosity is piqued upon hearing that last statement. They lean forward, abandoning all interest in the exquisite food in front of them. In the rendition of Jeonghan’s backstory of the supermodel that hates him, there was no mention of an awards ceremony.

“What happened at the awards ceremony?” Wonwoo asks immediately, not understanding why Jeonghan genuinely looks like he doesn’t know what Josh is talking about.

The atmosphere has quickly changed, and Jeonghan can’t figure out why Josh is making that day seem like it was something more than it was. But there was this feeling in the pit of his stomach that kept growing bigger and bigger. Had something else happened that he didn’t know about?

Josh notices the tense silence that’s suddenly surrounding the table and clears his throat. “I mean, technically, Jeonghan is the one who plotted to ruin Y/N’s life first. He’s the reason her mom went all psycho on her at our end of the year awards ceremony.”

The silence from before gets thicker and more uncomfortable the longer it lasts. Jeonghan looks like he’s just heard some life altering revelation while Josh is looking as clueless as the rest of the boys.

“Wait—” Josh puts down his fork, eyes wide with disbelief. “Why are you acting like you don’t know?”

“I...” Jeonghan swallows thickly. All he remembers from that day is that vacant expression you had on your face when he won the scholarship. The one that still makes him feel like someone is reaching inside his chest and squeezing his heart.

“So what exactly happened?” Seungkwan asks since his friend can’t seem to even think straight.

“We were all mean to her.” Josh admits with a sigh. “I mean, she’s the daughter of a failed businessman, plus she had beef with Hannie since birth. It was too easy to give her shit and fuck with her.”

His friends are uncharacteristically quiet, and it’s so uncomfortable that Jeonghan just wants to die. But not before he hears about what Josh meant about the awards ceremony.

“When Jeonghan found out she applied for the Merit Scholarship, he applied for it too. His dad is friends with the guy who was head of the scholarship foundation, so of course he was going to get it. We all thought it’d be pretty funny to see how her parents would react when she lost.”

Jeonghan’s friends give him very judgmental stares that he honestly deserves.

“But I didn't get to.” Jeonghan recalls quietly. “Y/N and her mom left the auditorium right after, and I had to stay behind to take a bunch of pictures for the school’s newsletter.”

There’s another tense silence where Joshua looks like he has some sort of dilema. He wonders if telling Jeonghan after so long is only going to make things worse.

“You said Y/N’s mom went all psycho on her.” Wonwoo says. “How is that Jeonghan’s fault?”

“Aside Y/N would’ve gotten that scholarship if it wasn’t for Jeonghan, her mom was mad because she lost to him in particular. As soon as they got outside she started yelling at her about how useless she was. She even slapped her in front of everyone and basically disowned her."

“Damn.” Is all Soonyoung is able to say before turning to Jeonghan. “I would hate you too.”

Jeonghan can’t say anything because he’s thinking the exact same thing.

After a very eye-opening lunch, Jeonghan realizes now that you won’t stop your revenge until you’ve completely destroyed him. This sends him into a panic and makes him come up with a plan that will hopefully knock you down a few pegs.

Jeonghan enlists the help of your stepbrother, Seokmin. Unbeknownst to maybe the kindest guy he’s ever met, he helps Jeonghan lure not only you, but also your dad to the silent auction your university is hosting. Getting you two to arrive at the same times is a bit tricky, but Jeonghan manages to pull it off after telling Seokmin to give your father a certain time.

All Jeonghan has to do is linger by the entrance and wait for you to arrive. Which you do, and in a beautiful dress, no less. It’s almost a pity that your night is going to be ruined in approximately five seconds. He’s far enough for you to not notice him yet and close enough to hear your father call out to you from behind.

“Y/N.”

You freeze at the sound of your name being spoken. It had been years, but you would never forget that voice. You turn around slowly, feeling an onslaught of emotions hit you like a truck when you see your father standing in front of you.

There’s a tension between you and your father that Jeonghan recognizes immediately. For some reason, it makes him feel uncomfortable rather than satisfied. He's not sure why that is, but he can't stop watching. It’s unexpected because despite knowing that you were estranged from him, he didn’t expect it to be like this.

“How have you been?” Your father is hesitant in his movements as he steps closer to you.

You hate feeling the way you currently do; like a little girl who’s powerless in front of her father. The feeling is worse because he’s staring at you like he never abandoned you to start another life that didn’t involve you.

“You’ve seen the articles.” You reply coldly. “Don’t pretend like you don’t know.”

The tense atmosphere affects even Jeonghan, and he can’t help but start to feel a little regret because this is not what he had in mind at all. It’s not funny nor does it satiate the vengeful side you always brought out in him. Right now, the situation feels like some sort of erroneous event that should’ve never happened in the first place.

“I was pleased to see what you’ve done to the Yoon family.” He genuinely sounds proud, but you’re not twelve years old anymore so it doesn’t mean anything to you. All it does is make you feel sick. “Honestly, I never thought you’d be able to do it. You surprised me.”

Jeonghan can’t laugh. It should be funny, but it's not. Your father is giving you a back-handed compliment despite being one of the top models in the industry and someone who has the potential to be a global star. Instead of that sweet feeling he’s always gotten from messing with you, all he feels is disgust.

“I’m sure your mom is pleased as well.” He says awkwardly after you don’t say anything. “How is she, by the way?”

The last thing you want to talk about is her, but his ignorance to the feelings you harbor for your mom actually makes you scoff in bewilderment. Emotions you thought you’d gotten rid of long ago start to push at the surface and gather at the center of your chest. You hate that you can’t shove them away and pretend they’re not affecting you the way they are.

Jeonghan flinches when your next words come out in the phonic form of ice. “You know I haven’t talked to her since she kicked me out of her house.”

There’s this long pause where the entire vicinity seems to have gone as cold as your voice. The candor of your words make Jeonghan’s jaw drop. An intense discomfort seeps into his veins and strikes him right in the chest. The story Joshua told him is undoubtedly true, and now he’s starting to realize he was the one who put that domino effect into place.

“I would’ve helped you if you let me—”

Your dad stops talking when you start laughing. It’s not a joyful or amused laugh. It’s cold and resentful. You almost can’t believe the audacity that your father has. His selective memory has always pissed you off, but now he was crossing the line.

“Why are you here?” You demand, unwilling to prolong this unexpected encounter. “This is an alumni event.”

“Seokmin invited me.” His answer shouldn’t have disappointed you, but for some infuriating reason it still did. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

There’s so many things that you want to say. All these years you thought about how it would all play out if you saw him again, but now that it’s actually happening, you can’t say anything that you wanted to.

“The actions you’ve taken against the Yoon family have impressed me so far.” He says like you’ll be happy about his praise. “I thought it would be appropriate to say this to you. That’s all.”

When you see that familiar contempt and unimpressed expression on your father’s face, you can’t help but think that you should’ve never left your house to come out. The figure in your peripheral vision hasn’t moved, and you can only assume he’s waiting for you to react the way he wants.

The silence that looms is tense and uncomfortable. Even Jeonghan can feel it from where he’s watching. It’s strange. The scene in front of him should be satisfying, but it’s not. Not even close.

“What is it that you want to say, then?”

“I know for a fact that Yoon Jeonghan is planning to use a large part of his trust to buy your rival agency. I’ll loan you a substantial amount of money to counter that offer and steal it from him.”

Now, there’s not much that can catch Jeonghan off guard, but what the fuck. His intentions and deals were strictly confidential. How was it possible that your father knew?

“I’m sure you know the reason this chance is so important.”

That anticlimactic moment makes Jeonghan pause. He vaguely recognizes the sick feeling in his stomach as one of realization. The scene in front of him was nothing more then a distorted reflection of his own relationship with his father.

In the time he hadn’t seen you, you’d gotten good at schooling your reactions, but now anyone can see how helpless you feel. That expression reminds him of how he felt when his own father told him to buy the agency and find a model that was capable of taking the crown you’ve had for the last two years. It was never about Jeonghan’s happiness, it was all about his dad’s vanity and ego. He could see now that was still the case for you as well.

“You want me to humiliate him and his family one more time.”

Your father smirks. “Now you’re getting it. You need to prove to everyone—especially that boy and his family—that you’ve always been better.”

All the things you’ve done to Jeonghan come to the forefront of your mind and you suddenly feel more sick and disgusted than ever. This entire time you inadvertently pushed your obsessive father’s agenda because you were still angry about something that happened years ago. There’s this tight knot in your throat that suddenly makes it hard to speak, but you manage anyway.

“When are you going to stop using me for your petty rivalry?” You demand angrily. “I’m not going to be the kind of person who steps on other people for no reason.”

Your father scoffs, furious eyes filled with disappointment. “No reason?”

His laughter that follows is cold and manic. “You think this is just about my dislike for that family? No. This is about who you’re going to turn out to be. Are you going to be weak? Swayed by every sob story that crosses your path? How do you expect to take over my company if you’re so spineless?”

Jeonghan doesn’t feel any satisfaction like he expects. Instead he feels this ugly, jagged feeling deep in his chest. He feels like he's watching some sort of reenactment of him and his own father.

“Don’t forget. I have no use for such a pathetic daughter.”

The silence feels like it’s going to last forever, and in the stillness, Jeonghan feels sorry for you. This entire time he had been so stuck on his own turmoil that he forgot you were also the verge of being crushed by the weight of your family’s expectations. Just like his own father, your dad clearly had no regard for anyone’s feelings—even his own child’s. The test of time hadn’t changed him at all. Unfortunately, the same could be said for his father. It was disheartening to know that you were both nothing more than pawns in their childish game of revenge.

“That’s funny because right now the pathetic one is you.” Jeonghan feels oddly proud at how cutthroat you sound right now. “Don’t act like that company is something you can give away, you know, since it belongs to your wife and not you.”

Your truthful words finally manage to silence him, but you can’t stop there. “Plus, I know you’d rather give everything you have to Seokmin anyway, right? I mean, he is the son you’ve always wanted.”

“Don’t blame him for my mistakes, Y/N.”

“God—When are you going to open your fucking eyes and realize I don’t blame anyone else but you!?” You suddenly yell, unable to keep stifling your feelings.

It’s quiet for a moment before your father speaks again, his voice cold and calculating. “What about the Yoon family? Don’t you blame them? Aren’t they the ones who crushed your dreams?”

Jeonghan holds his breath despite knowing your answer. Of course you did. There was no way you didn’t. If the roles were reversed, he would, too.

You did blame that fucking family for a lot, but never for what your parents did to you. They had nothing to do with the fact that your mom and dad aren’t worthy of being parents. Also, if you truly thought back on it (which you had—countless times), your parents were the one who destroyed your dreams before anyone else could.

“Why would I blame anyone else for what you and your ex wife did to me? You two are the ones who decided I was useless because I couldn’t get you back to where you wanted to be.” You say, voice void of any perceptible emotion.

The silence is thick and heavy with tension. You swallow thickly and belatedly remember that you’re being watched. By this time, you imagine Jeonghan has enough material to humiliate you accordingly, but you’re too fucking exhausted to care. The petty actions you’ve taken so far were justified in your eyes, but even so, you wish you had just let it go. Talking to the man who abandoned you and only came looking for you when he deemed you as useful let you see that.

“Just leave.” Dad. You almost say it like he’s worthy of being that. “Do what you want with this sick obsession you have with the Yoon family, but leave me out of it because I’m done being used for your petty revenge.”

Your father scoffs. “I knew you didn’t have what it takes. I’ll go, but I’ll leave you with this: Yoon Jeonghan’s father knows his son will stop at nothing to destroy you. He was bragging about how his son was going to ruin you with this agency he’s going to buy. Think about that next time you want to be the better person.”

With that, he walks away from you, possibly for the last time.

Despite feeling numb, there’s still angry tears poking the back of your eyes. You let out a shaky sigh, knowing now isn’t the time to cry like you want. “Are you going keep hiding in the shadows like you didn’t set this up?”

Jeonghan’s blood runs cold, and for a moment he contemplates on running. He’s not exactly sure how you found out or even knew that he was watching, but there was no point in pretending. As usual, you knew everything.

You turn around, face still a mess of emotions. Two hours before, you might’ve cared about losing face in front of Jeonghan, but that was no longer the case. No matter what actions he took against you after this, you were done feeding into this game. As soon as the semester was over, you were going back to your normal life and leave behind all these shitty memories.

The expression on your face is eerily similar to the one from when he took your scholarship—a look of defeated resignation. Jeonghan figures that he gets a similar expression on his face when he fights with his dad. That suffocated look is one he knows all too well.

“You’re not going to say anything?”

Jeonghan is reminded of that first day of senior year when he saw you again. In that split second as you're gazing at him with crystal-like tears shining in your pretty eyes, he makes a decision.

“Be my girlfriend.”

His words hang in the air, and you can only look at Jeonghan like he’s lost his mind. You two stare at each other, until you finally manage to form some words through your bewilderment. “What? What are you—?”

“Be my girlfriend.” He says with more conviction. “And help me get revenge on our parents.”

You blink, feeling more confused than ever. Briefly, you wonder if the intensity of your emotions has driven you into some sort of delirium. Either that, or Jeonghan really has lost his mind.

“Don’t look at me like that.” He actually pouts at you. “You said you were done being used by your dad. I feel the same way. I’m tired of only being useful for their sick obsession.”

Maybe it’s the exhaustion you feel from all the emotions you’ve ran dry or maybe it’s because the little snake actually sounds convincing, but either way you agree.

“Fine, but I have conditions.”

Realistically, Jeonghan knew that (fake) dating you wouldn’t be easy, but he never expected to be put on blast like he has been—least of all by you. He’s waiting outside your last class, trying to pretend like he’s not furious.

“Angel face.” Jeonghan’s smile is deceptively calm and pretty. “We need to talk.”

You grimace at him as he loops his arm through yours and begins walking you out of the building towards his sleek car. “Yeah, we do because what the hell is that pet name? It makes you sound like some middle-aged creep.”

Jeonghan laughs stiffly, not wanting to attract the wrong kind of attention. People were already skeptical about your relationship, and he couldn’t let his brilliant plan fail before it got to the good part. He manages to keep his cool and even opens the passenger door for you, gently stroking your head as you get in. It’s almost annoying how good he is at acting affectionate.

“You’re breaking your own rules.” Jeonghan scowls as he starts the car.

You already know he’s talking about your interview that went public an hour ago. His deep frown makes you smirk. “Don’t be mad at me, angel face.”

Jeonghan’s annoyance is oddly soothed by your cute laughter, and he briefly wonders if he’s starting to go insane. His friends would likely tell him that he is. Meanwhile, you’re also wondering if you’re going insane because the surly pout Jeonghan has on his face isn’t as off-putting as it usually is.

“I did what was necessary for the plan.” You explain, trying not to sound like you’re mocking him. “Now everyone likes us together. See?”

Jeonghan finally looks at your phone when he gets to a stoplight. Even just skimming the comments under the article, he can see the tides beginning to shift in his favor. He looks back at the road with a pout. Sure, everything was in the name of revenge, but he wasn’t sure if the humiliation was worth it.

“I guess, but... I don’t think you had to say that I cried while begging for your forgiveness.”

You give him an annoyed look. “Honestly, that’s the least you could do to repent for everything that you’ve done to me. Just consider yourself lucky that I let everything slide due to our mutual need to get revenge.”

Jeonghan scoffs, but says nothing else the entire time he drives to the restaurant he’s been dying to eat at for weeks. The reservation he made two weeks ago was at the beginning of next month, but you had managed to get one within minutes. It was one of the most exclusive restaurants in the city, and he had heard nothing but good things.

Your hands slips into his easily as you two walk into the two MICHELIN star restaurant. Jeonghan tries not to think about how holding your soft hand doesn’t feel as uncomfortable as he thought it would. Instead he focuses on the extravagant interior of the restaurant. He’s seen the pictures online, but they didn’t capture the essence of the place at all.

He notices the looks you’re getting from the staff when you say your last name to the hostess. Unlike the attention you get at school, the other guests and staff are subtle with the looks they’re giving you as you two are guided into the restaurant. It’s a different type of uncomfortable, but Jeonghan notices that you don’t seem to be fazed by it at all.

“Hannie.” You call so affectionately that Jeonghan has to stop himself from gaping at you. “I booked one of the tables on the balcony, I hope you don’t mind.”

“No.” He says, feeling like he’s in a trance as you look at him with those pretty eyes of yours.

As you two near the balcony, he sees the group of people sitting at one of the tables. Your hand tightens around his, but your face remains clean of any emotions. Jeonghan isn’t sure why he softly caresses your thumb in a comforting way. Maybe it’s because he knows that despite wanting revenge, executing it didn’t mean all the unpleasant feelings that came with seeing your father would magically go away.

“How’d you know he’d be here?” Jeonghan wonders after you two are seated.

You hum softly, thinking of a way to say something so deprecating without sounding completely pitiful. Eventually, you decide you don’t need to be so cautious because Jeonghan has already seen all the ugly parts of your life you never wanted anyone to see.

“It’s his birthday, today.” Your gaze flickers past his shoulder for a split second. “He always has this intimate dinner with his family before throwing his actual party. Seokmin mentioned that he wanted to have the dinner here this year.”

Jeonghan doesn’t have time to process how detached you seem because you give him a wicked smirk. “I know you can’t see, but he looks fucking livid right now.”

He’s not sure why he feels relieved when you start laughing like you weren’t feeling suffocated a few seconds ago. It makes him wonder if you’re aware that he can still tell what you’re feeling. Jeonghan had an innate talent for it since childhood, and now it seemed to be more fine-tuned than ever.

“Then, should we take it a step further?”

You give him a questioning gaze. The confusion you feel slowly turns into an emotion that feels somewhat familiar yet foreign all at the same time. It’s something you can’t pinpoint or name, but it’s definitely there as Jeonghan puts a velvet box on the table. Something inside your chest jerks when you realize that he went out and bought you a gift to help you get the reaction you were looking for.

Jeonghan slides the box over to you, a cocky smirk on his face. “Open it, darling. I’m sure you’ll love it.”

You don’t comment on the pet name (especially since you like it way better than the other one) as you do what he says. The box contains a beautiful necklace that looks like it could be from a man in love (or one set on getting revenge).

“It’s beautiful.” You say with a smile as the feeling in your chest jerks again. “Want to put it on me?”

Jeonghan immediately stands from his seat and walks around the table. He’s good at keeping his eyes trained on you, but out of the corner of his eye he can see the three heads clearly staring in the direction of your table. Jeonghan takes the necklace from the box and bends down to clip it into place. Your scent invades his senses, and it makes it way too easy to admire the way the diamonds shine against your skin.

You feel soft lips press against your cheek before gentle words are whispered into your ear. “It suits you just like I knew it would.”

There’s a loud thumping in the air that only you two can seem to hear.

Jeonghan’s hands are holding on to your shoulders as you look up at him. The thumping seems to get louder. “Thank you for my gift, love.”

On impulse more than anything, your (fake) boyfriend swoops down to press a lingering kiss on your lips. He pulls back, feeling an awkward warmth crawling up his neck. You don’t look surprised or disgusted, instead you give him a fond smile that seems more genuine the longer he looks at it. Jeonghan takes his seat again, the infuriated man tables behind you long forgotten by either of you.

There’s a shift in your relationship that night. It’s subtle, but it’s there. Neither you nor Jeonghan really take notice. All you two are aware of is that playing pretend isn’t as awful as you both thought it would be. Expectedly, you scheming deviants have the time of your life playing with this new dynamic there is between you.

Jeonghan has become overly familiarized with your apartment by now. He’s waiting on your nice couch, watching as your team finishes working on your hair and makeup. It’s interesting to see just how much effort goes into looking absolutely flawless for all the cameras. Before this, he didn’t realize certain types of makeup and hair styles photographed better.

“Flawless as always!” Your makeup artist squeals as he takes videos and pictures to document his handiwork.

You don’t look exhausted physically, but Jeonghan still worries that you might already be drained. He knows he would be, especially because your manager keeps reminding you of all the people you need to get a photo with and at what time you need to be home by because you have two different shoots in the morning.

Jeonghan watches silently as your stylist follows you to your room to help you put on the custom dress Wen Junhui has made especially for you to wear to the new Givenchy pop-up shop opening. From what you’ve said, it’s supposed to match the suit he has on—which was also custom made for him by the famous designer.

When you step back into the living room wearing the fitted dress, Jeonghan feels like he’s staring at a living goddess. He can’t take his eyes off you as Jihoon snaps some photos of you. Being starstruck is something he didn’t think was actually possible, but now he understands why Soonyoung still can’t act normal when he brings you around.

“You look amazing.” Jeonghan says breathlessly, still completely entranced by your appearance.

“So do you. I’ll have to give Jun my thanks for making us the hottest couple at this event.”

After a few pictures together for your socials, you two set off to the pop-up shop. The event is expectedly large and grand. So many important people had gathered, but he only cared about the one person who he knew would be there. Jeonghan is quick to spot his father. Ironically, he’s talking with the man who designed the suit he's wearing.

You’re only a little taken aback when Jeonghan wraps his arms around you while you’re talking to a newcomer model you met last year during fashion week. It’s all you can do to keep talking normally as he rests his chin on your shoulder. His hands gently caress the material of your dress. He’s pressing himself closer to you like he wants to mold your bodies together.

When you’re finally left alone, you turn your head to give him a questioning look. You only get a pleased expression in return. The adorably goofy look makes your heart flutter with unwarranted affection.

“I’m clingy.” Jeonghan says bluntly. “And as my girlfriend, you’re obligated to indulge me.”

Your laugh is airy and filled with endearment because honestly, you don’t hate the faux affection. His embrace isn’t uncomfortable. Oddly, it makes the usual anxiousness you get at these events melt away. It’s only an added bonus to what you actually came by to get.

His father looks a lot like yours did. It’s almost funny because it takes less than a second after he sees you two together for him to come over and demand to speak to his son alone. You almost decline for Jeonghan, but you stop yourself when you remember the clause that states neither of you will interfere with family matters other than indirectly making them angry with your relationship.

Your (fake) boyfriend isn’t gone for long, but he’s clearly upset. Instead of letting it visibly show, he indulges in more champagne and mingling. It’s only when he starts slurring his words that you decide it’s time to go.

You're not sure why you don’t take him back to his frat house. It would’ve been easier and less of a hassle, but you found yourself unwilling to part with Jeonghan when he was clearly so distraught and incoherent. You force feed him water before laying him down in your guest bedroom.

“My dad’s such an asshole.” Jeonghan sighs, arm thrown over his eyes as you take off his shoes for him.

You hum in agreement, finally looking back at his face. His cheeks and neck are suffused with color, and you wonder what exactly his father said to make him this upset. It makes you wonder if he was starting to regret doing this entire thing with you.

“Don’t think about him anymore.” You whisper, not sure why that last thought is so upsetting. “Just get some sleep, okay?”

You go to get up, but are stopped by a gentle hand wrapping around your wrist. Jeonghan has moved his arm and is now looking directly at you. His eyes are shining with so many emotions that you recognize, but somehow can’t seem to decipher enough to tell what exactly he’s feeling. The intensity of his stare makes somehow makes you feel exposed.

“Stay with me.” His voice is more vulnerable than you expect. “Please.”

It’s like your legs move on their own as they sit you back at his side. He doesn’t make a move to let go of your wrist and you don’t think to shake off his touch. The silence is full of unspoken words, and you only wait for him to say what’s clearly bothering him.

“I don’t hate you.”

His words are surprising, mostly because they’re something you never thought you’d hear. Jeonghan doesn’t give you a chance to say anything because he keeps talking. “I don’t know why, but I can’t hate you the way I’m supposed to.” His gaze goes to the ceiling as if he’s trying to sort out all the thoughts you can see running through his mind. “I never could.”

“I don’t hate you either.” You tell him honestly.

“But I ruined your life.” Jeonghan frowns as if he’s recalling every horrible thing he ever did to you.

“I ruined yours.” You counter lightheartedly.

Jeonghan laughs a bit and closes his eyes. “Hope you can forgive me for real someday.”

He starts snoring before you can tell him that you already have.

“They look so cute together.”

This phrase was one Jeonghan got used to hearing since you two started dating, and he hates it. Not because it’s unpleasant to hear (it’s not), but because half the time that phrase was being used to describe you and Kim Mingyu. The two girls in his financial analysis class are squealing about your most recent photo shoot which included some shots with your model friend.

“Jealousy is not a good look on you.” Seungkwan laughs when he sees the look on his friend's face.

Jeonghan only rolls his eyes and pretends that Seungkwan’s words don’t affect him the way they do. Because there’s no way he’s jealous. How could he be jealous of someone that was nothing more than a coworker? And there's no reason for him to be jealous even if that wasn’t the case because he doesn’t have any feelings for you.

At least, that’s what he tells himself when you tell him you’re going to have to reschedule your weekly dinner because of that stupidly tall model everyone ships you with. Instead of letting it go like he should’ve done, Jeonghan reminds you that having dinner out in public once a week is part of your deal.

It’s almost cute the way he does it. Jeonghan says it like a whiny child that’s begging for attention. So you promise him to meet him the next day, but he’s not having it. Jeonghan insists that you come to his frat’s party after you’re done. Which you do, and you don’t know what to think on what you stumble on. Jeonghan is absolutely hammered, but he’s also really happy to see you.

“Darling!” He yells, abandoning the game of beer pong he’s currently winning.

You’re surprised when he races toward you and crushes you with a hug. The wolf whistles and cat calls fade into the background as Jeonghan pulls you along with him to sit on the couch, not caring for his partner’s loud protest for him to finish the game. His grip is strong as he tugs you on his lap. The grin he gives you when you easily comply is so pretty it hurts.

“You look so pretty.” Jeonghan is talking to you in pout, and you think you might melt at how cute he looks. “Can’t believe you went out with another guy looking so good.”

You let out a shocked laugh. He sounds like a jealous boyfriend, and for some reason it doesn’t repulse or annoy you. It does confuse you, though.

“I can’t believe you were out here getting drunk with sorority girls while I had a business dinner with Mingyu and Jihoon.”

His laugh is so cute, and the way he hugs you tighter and burrows his face into your neck is even cuter. You notice the lingering eyes, and it reminds you that the affection you’re receiving isn’t real. It also makes you think about how there’s really no need for him to be acting like this. There’s no reporters around or anyone that would run back to your families to let them know how “in love” you two are.

And yet, you don’t feel like pushing him off.

“Let’s get you to bed.” You say, trying to act like your heart isn’t pounding as if it’s on the verge of imploding.

“To your house?” He looks up, hooded eyes looking at you with an emotion that seems familiar, but foreign-looking in his eyes.

“No.” You force yourself to say despite wanting to give into his pleading stare. “Your bed is upstairs, silly.”

Jeonghan leans more into you, letting out disappointed hum that tickles your skin. “Want to stay with you.”

You’re pretty sure you’re going to regret what you do next, but you for some reason you can’t explain to yourself, you’re unwilling to leave him alone when he clearly wants to stay with you. So you decide it’s easier to take him upstairs as he drunkenly points out where his room is. You plop down on his bed, surprised that Jeonghan hasn’t let go of you once the entire time.

“I’ll stay until you fall asleep.” You say as he shoves his face in your neck.

“Stay forever.”

It’s stupid the way your heart interprets the words even though your brain knows he only meant stay for tonight. You’re more worried that you wish he meant it in the way he said it.

In the morning, you wake up to see that you’re alone. The discomfort you feel is eased when the door opens minutes later to reveal Jeonghan with several shopping bags in hand. You spot the familiar Valentino and Christian Louboutin bags almost instantly.

“You’re awake.” The smile he gives you is sleepy and tired, but so damn attractive.

“You went shopping.” You say, trying to understand how he got up before you. “Don’t you have a hangover?”

“I do.” He admits, shyly rubbing the back of his neck. “But you need fresh clothes after you shower, so I went out to buy you some. I also got you some other stuff from the drug store.”

You don’t know how to process the fact that your fake boyfriend went out to buy you all the things you need. Especially since it was clear he made more than one stop. Jeonghan doesn’t seem to notice just how shocked you are as he places the bags on his bed and insists you look through them. You do as he says, feeling an intruding warmth fill your chest.

“Why’d you get me shoes?” You wonder when you open the Louboutin box.

“The shoes you came with don’t go with the dress I got you.”

His words make your heart thump with adoration that can’t be stifled. Heat spreads across your face as you hastily thank him before hurrying into the bathroom with the toiletries he bought for you so he can’t see just how much his actions affected you. It’s hard to ignore all the emotions gathering in your chest. Jeonghan is an exceptionally good actor, but you keep wondering why he's going this far. What’s worse is that you can’t say you hate it. Actually, you probably like it a little too much.

When you’re done showering, you dry your hair and try on the dress Jeonghan bought you. It’s snug against your frame, and you have to marvel at the fact that he actually did a great job choosing your size. You tentatively step out of the bathroom to see Jeonghan sitting on the bed occupied with his phone. It feels like the air is knocked out of him when he looks up to see you dressed in something he picked out and bought for you.

“Want to get breakfast?”

You try to ignore the fact that you’re playing a dangerous game by blurring the lines you’ve drawn when you say yes.

“Should we breakup before I go to Milan or after I come back from Paris?”

Your question is so casual that Jeonghan almost thinks he didn’t hear you right. He looks up from his phone to see you pulling out a suitcase from your closet. It’s almost painful that you don’t seem to realize how much your words have affected him.

“Breakup?” He repeats, throat going dry and heart sinking.

The way you nod normally like he doesn’t feel sick to his stomach has him reeling. “Yeah. Our parents are mad enough now, and the semester is almost over so I’ll start taking online classes again.”

Your reasoning makes sense (maybe a little too much), but Jeonghan really can’t accept what you’re saying. All that registers is the fact that you’re leaving and planning on having nothing to do with him anymore.

“You’re not coming back?”

You wonder if he actually sounds disappointed or if it’s just you wishing that he does. Either way, you can’t let him know that you feel like your heart is being ripped out because you’re asking to plan your breakup. “My agency only agreed to let me take classes in person for a semester. After the scandal I had with you, they don’t want me coming back again.”

“I don’t want you to leave.”

You try to pretend like his words don’t evoke an emotion out of you that you should definitely not feel for him.

“And I don’t want to breakup.”

The silence is heavy. It isn’t easy to not interpret his words as a plea to stay because he has feelings for you. Especially since you’re sure that’s not what he means. “If it’s about your dad we can—”

“This has nothing to do with my dad.” Jeonghan says, frustrated that you’re not understanding how he's feeling. “This is about you and me—about us.”

It’s strange to think that there is an us when it comes to you and Jeonghan now, but he can’t let you fly across the world without letting you know how he feels.

“You have to know that this isn’t fake to me.” He says, more nervous and determined than ever.

You can’t say anything. Not because you think it’s some joke or that he’s not being sincere, but because you can’t believe these feelings that had been flourishing since you two decided to let go of the past are being reciprocated.

“I know you probably still hate me, and I don’t blame you if you do. Back then, I ruined your life because I was insecure and wanted to make my dad proud. And now because of me, you won’t be able to come back to school even though going to this university has been your dream since we were kids.” Jeonghan soldiers on even though every single emotion is trying to peak through. “I’m an idiot to realize it so late, and I’m a bigger one to be apologizing to you only now.”

Jeonghan walks toward you until he’s directly in front of you. Just as you hope he seals his apology with a kiss, he falls to his knees, bunny-like eyes looking at you imploringly.

“I know I don’t deserve it, but I’m going to ask for your forgiveness anyway. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything I’ve done to you since you came back into my life.” He’s close to tears as he grabs your hands. “I’ll do anything for your forgiveness. Just tell me what I need to do, and I’ll do it.”

Your heart is thumping so erratically that it feels like it’s on the verge of exploding. Yoon Jeonghan is on his knees in front of you, eyes wet and pleading for you to forgive him. The onslaught of emotions you feel are scrambling your brain to the point where you can hardly think. “Hannie...”

The nickname makes him hopeful that maybe he can earn your forgiveness. He grips your hands a little tighter and gently uses his thumbs to caress the back of your hands.

“I don’t hate you, and I already forgave a long time ago.” You confess with a smile, heart still pounding.

Jeonghan stands and crushes you with a hug, body sagging in relief to know that you don’t hate him. He closes his eyes as he buries his face into your neck. The anxiety he was feeling fades away as he basks in your embrace.

“I’m sorry too.” Your apology is slightly muffled. “I was wrong to make your life a living hell, and I hope you can also forgive me.”

Jeonghan hugs you tighter. “I already have. It’s not like I didn't deserve it.”

You two laugh a bit until you pull back to look at your (fake?) boyfriend. “You really don’t want to be away from me?”

Jeonghan pouts and nods. He briefly thinks he might have to hang a sign around his neck for you to realize he never wants you to leave his side.

“Why?”

You need to hear him say it. This way, you’ll know for sure that you’re not just lucid dreaming.

“Because I’m in love with you.”

Jeonghan never thought he could miss someone as much as he missed you. He’s surprised that it can feel like you’ve been away from him for years when in reality it’s only been a week. Not that it matters because he finally has you in his arms again. And he plans on showering you with love before you have to leave for Paris.

“I missed you so much.”

You feel breathless when Jeonghan’s lips mold against yours, not giving you a chance to say that you missed him too. He’s nestled between your legs as his lips devour yours, not caring that he’s been in the same position for the last fifteen minutes. Jeonghan can’t get enough of you, and he’s only gotten a small taste.

The whine you let out when Jeonghan’s tongue starts to play with yours is so hot that he can feel his cock twitch in his pants. One of his hands trails down your body to grab a handful of your ass before smoothing over your thigh to hook your leg over his hip. You moan into his mouth as your core grinds into his hardening dick.

Finally, you pull away from him, pupils blown wide with lust. “Missed you so much, Hannie.”

Your boyfriend gently grinds down in order to hear another one of your sensual moans. His dark eyes are staring at you with so much desire that your cunt starts to pulse at the thought of having him carnally.

“Let me show you how much I missed you.”

Jeonghan is patient as he undresses you. It’s a contrast to the way he quickly strips his own clothes. You know it’s because your dress is a custom gift from Wen Junhui, and it makes your heart warm and cunt drip with more slick at the thought that he actually remembered.

When he settles his head between your legs and spreads you open, you feel a bashful heat course through your body. Jeonghan is staring straight at your core with the most heated gaze you’ve ever received from a man. “Fuck. I knew you were pretty everywhere.”

Jeonghan’s gives your pussy a harsh slap, earning a surprised moan from you. He soothes the sting by gently rubbing his fingers against your clit, loving how wet your pussy keeps getting. Any coherent response you’re thinking of is quick to disappear when Jeonghan dives into your awaiting cunt. His tongue laps and slobbers all over your drooling lips, messily making out with the heaven between your legs.

The way Jeonghan is groaning into your pussy in absolute pleasure makes you grind you cunt into his mouth, moaning and crying out in just as much pleasure. His fingers flex into the flesh of your soft thighs as they lock around his head. Jeonghan greedily licks every inch of your sopping cunt, chin and cheeks increasingly becoming covered in your sweet juices as they drip down to the sheets below him.

“Fuck, Hannie!” You cry out with a jolt, hips rolling incessantly into his mouth. “Keep doing that! Feels so good.”

“Yeah? Like it how I fuck you with my tongue, darling?” He rasps burying his face deeper into your hot cunt.

You’re slowly slipping into a euphoric state that won’t allow you to think straight, and you’re only able to stay coherent because he pulls away momentarily to slide his fingers between your folds. He lewdly spreads you open before diving back in, slurping up every last bit of your juices. The taste of you had his cock twitching and throbbing between his thighs.

Jeonghan groans when your fingers slide into his hair as your pussy keeps getting tighter around his tongue. The room in the air feels hot as he continues to lap at your cunt, and you can only pant and moan as you feel a familiar feeling pooling in your stomach.

The entire lower half of his face feels sticky, but Jeonghan needs more. Wants it to be messier. His hands slip under to grab your ass and push you deeper on his tongue. Lewd squelches mix in with your cries of pleasure as he fucks you with his tongue. You feel your eyes roll back and your back arch when he gently starts to circle your puffy clit. Jeonghan then wraps his lips around it before sucking it into his mouth.

“Fuck.” You moan out. “Jeonghan! Gonna come!”

His tongue rolls the sensitive bud as you jerk in his hold. Jeonghan’s groans are only turning you on even more because you can tell he’s enjoying this as much as you are. The arousal he feels has his cock aching for any sort of friction, but he’s just so lost in you that he can’t really care that his erection is starting to hurt. Honestly, he feels like he could eat you out forever.

“So fucking good.” You babble as your clit knocks against his nose with every buck of your hips.

You jolt when you feel Jeonghan suck your clit between his teeth, nibbling on the sensitive bud until your orgasm finally washes over you. Instead of pulling away, he pulls you closer and laps up your cream, slurping up everything you have to offer him. Precum gathers at the tip of his aching cock that he can feel it staining his underwear, but he’s too focused on you creaming on his tongue to care.

Your body goes slack after you ride out your orgasm. Jeonghan pulls a way from your cunt with a satisfied smirk. He wastes no time in getting rid of his underwear, leaking cock springing up with a wet slap against his lower abdomen after he takes it off. You lick your you lips and pull him closer to you as you’re eager to feel his skin on yours again.

“Like what you see, darling?” Jeonghan coos with a cocky smirk.

He’s stroking his thick cock slowly as he watches your eyes fix on the girth between his legs, raking them over him slowly with unmistakeable hunger. His cock is as pretty as he is; long and thick with the bulbous head oozing plenty of precum. The veins running alongside it have your cunt aching in need to feel them drag along your walls. Jeonghan undoubtedly has one of the biggest cocks you’ve ever seen, and you whine out in need as you cling to his neck. Your hips buck up on their own, desperate to feel even the slightest bit of friction.

“Don’t tease me.” You pout, eyes blinking up at him pleadingly.

That face you’re making is dangerous, Jeonghan thinks. It’s capable of getting you whatever you want. He has to close his eyes and exhale deeply when you snake a hand between your bodies and grip his cock, squeezing gently to goad him into fucking you. It’s hot and heavy in your hand and wet with his precum. Your hand drags over him in slow strokes.

“I want you so bad.” You whine into his ear. “Please.”

“You—“ He breathes with a stutter, hips slowly rolling into your hand. “Y-You have to answer me first, baby.”

You roll your thumb over his weeping tip, collecting the wet bead of his precum before smearing it along his cock. His whimpers and moans are so pretty, and you just revel in the sounds that you’re emmiting from him.

“Tell me. Tell me how much you want my cock.”

“Want your cock, Hannie. It’s so pretty—need it inside me.” You mewl as you squeeze the base of his dick.

Jeonghan lets out a chuckle that’s breathy against your ear. It sounds smug despite the blush spreading on his face. “Think it’s pretty, huh? The prettiest cock you’ve ever seen?”

“Mhm.” You moan as he slides his tip up and down your entrance, collecting your juices along his cock before he slaps your cunt with his dick.

Finally, he relents and slowly pushes past your wet folds. You both let out loud moans at the feeling of each other. Jeonghan feels like he’s in heaven with how your hot, tight cunt is gripping his cock while you feel a burning pleasure licking up your entire body as his big cock splits you open.

“Fuh-Fuck, darling. Tight little pussy’s gonna drive me crazy.” He groans before leaning forward to press a sloppy kiss to your lips, tongue exploring your mouth as he drinks in your moans.

You whimper and whine into his mouth, eyelids fluttering in pleasure as he slowly starts to fuck his cock into you. Jeonghan pulls away with a deep groan. His eyes roll to the back of his head as your tight cunt squeezes his dick. Your arms a wrap around his neck as your legs do the same around his waist. Jeonghan’s cock throbs, nearly coming at the sight of your mouth hanging open in pleasure.

“Such a pretty little cunt. And it’s all for me.”

“Only for you, babe.” You say through a moan, bucking your hips up to meet his slow thrusts.

Your actions make his cock hit deep inside you, the leaking tip brushing against your sweet spot. A wanton moan escapes you at the feeling. You arch your back in absolute pleasure, not believing that he’s able to reach that deep inside you. Jeonghan smirks at your reaction, loving how you’re already so lost on his cock. His hips keep rolling against yours, forcing his thick cock in and out of your tight pussy.

Jeonghan is splitting you open as he fucks his cock into you. Your head is swimming from the pleasure as he picks up his pace. His moans only add to your pleasure. You can feel his pelvis brushing your pulsing clit with every harsh snap of his hips. The carnal sound of his cock slipping in and out of your cunt paired with the slapping of skin is making your velvety walls clamp down on him tighter.

“Fuck, Hannie. Harder! Fuck me harder!” You beg, bucking your hips to match his thrusts.

You’re both panting harshly as you feel the delicious pleasure build steadily. It spreads from your legs and along your spine until it consumes you completely. Jeonghan is quickly becoming obsessed with the sight of you under him, pretty tits bouncing every time he sharply snaps his hips. He spreads your legs to see the erotic sight of your juices frothing at the base of his dick and sliding down his heavy sack.

“Cockhungry angel wants more?” Jeonghan coos, driving his hips deeper so his cock is slamming against your sweet spot, sending your vision white. “You can have more, love. Because this is your cock. All yours.”

His words make you become impossibly tight. Your velvety walls make him choke out a loud moan. It’s almost hard for him to move with how tight your pussy keeps getting. The sight of your cream coating his cock as it disappears into your hot cunt only makes his snap his hips harder, eager to feel you come undone on his dick.

“Mine.” Your babble sounds so possessive yet fucked out that Jeonghan can’t help but moan along with you.

“Yours.” He confirms through his deep groans. “Cock fits inside your little pussy like it was made for you.”

“Hannie!” You cry out, feeling drunk on how his veiny cock drags against your walls. “If you k-keep saying things like that—!”

He smirks, pressing a chaste kiss to your cheek—an action too tender for how he’s ravishing you. “What, baby? You’re gonna gush all over me? Cover this cock with your sweet cream?”

His thumb trails down to your aching clit and starts to rub fast circles along the sensitive bud. Jeonghan does this until you break. Your thighs tremble as your gummy walls flutter around his cock. If only you could see the literal heart eyes your boyfriend is staring at you with as your pretty face contorts in pleasure as you fall apart on his cock. He’s never seen a more perfect sight, and he’s sure to commit it to memory as your orgasm spurts all over his cock, marking him with your essence in the most obscene way.

The slam of his cock as he fucks you through your orgasm bordering on too much as you whimper in his arms. Those cute little mewls turn into cries when he keeps going, so drunk in you that he can’t stop. The sound of your moans and the way you suck him in as you cream around his cock makes Jeonghan’s head fall into your neck. His thrusts are turning sloppy as he whimpers gently against your skin.

“I love you.” He pants into your skin, choking on moans as he pumps his cum into your cunt. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Hannie.” You mewl, loving the feeling of his cum filling you up.

You feel the mixture of his release and your slick trailing down the sides of your thighs. It’s so messy that you can’t help but crave more. Jeonghan’s breathing is heavy as he places gentle kisses on your neck. Neither of you can ignore the pulsing of his fat cock still inside you. He fucks his cum into you a bit more before slowly pulling out, enjoying the sight of his thick cum leaking down to your asshole. Your pretty pussy is pulsing as more thick cum squeezes out.

Jeonghan’s massaging a palm on the inside of your sticky thigh to keep your legs spread for his eyes when you say the words that make his cock twitch and ache all over again.

“Keep stuffing me full of cum, baby.”

It’s so easy to slide his cock back into your creamy pussy. You clench tightly as he draws back, then forward again. His thick dick stretches you open so deliciously that you can’t hold back your cries of pleasure. He’s balls deep inside your hot cunt, his pelvis brushing against your aching nub. Your vision goes blurry as he hits so deep. Jeonghan hooks one of your knees over his shoulder so he can slide in deeper.

“I’m going to fill you up. Gonna come in this pretty pussy and fuck you until you can’t take anymore.” Jeonghan groans as you mewl and whimper underneath him.

He takes one of your nipples in his mouth, tugging the nub with his teeth, groping your other tit. You’re already so damn sensitive and arch into his touch. “Ah, Hannie!”

“Mmh.” He groans, releasing the hardened bud with a lewd pop as you clench around him.

Jeonghan starts fucking you slowly, letting you feel every vein along your pulsating walls. From tip to base, he feeds your tight hole like it’s starving. You whimper at the feeling, moans slipping out of you when he picks up speed. The tip of his dick rams into your cervix and makes you see stars. You’re so hot and messy already, your slick and his cum creating a ring around the fat base of his cock.

Dark eyes flicker between your sloppy hole and your fucked out face. Jeonghan can’t decide which is more obscene, but he loves both sights so much. His big cock spreads you wide, a euphoric burn blooming in your little pussy as your juices spill out. The cry you let out makes him kiss you. It’s soft in contrast to his length spearing you open. His tongue slips into your mouth, massaging yours as he swallows your moans.

Jeonghan traces tracing over your stretched hole to your fluttering clit, rubbing in hard circles as you keep crying out for him. He keeps pounding into you, your body moving up the bed with the sheer force.

“So fucking good!” Your mouth falls open in a moan as he rams into your sweet spot, that familiar electricity streaming through your body.

You can feel his pelvic bone pressing against your clit as his dick spears deeper. You’re squirming against your boyfriend, full and cockdrunk as he keeps rubbing his fingers on your clit. The toe-curling orgasm strikes so abruptly that you don’t expect it. Your juices squirt out all over Jeonghan’s length and his pelvis.

His thickness continues to invade your convulsing walls, almost brutally but you take it, gasping as your mind goes foggy.

“Fuck, darling. Keep soaking my cock like that.”

Your tits bounce as he fucks you harder, ramming into your sweet spot. You can’t process anything over the squelching noises and the sounds of your moans. Jeonghan groans, cursing lowly as you squeeze around him, begging for his cum. He grinds sinfully into your spasming cunt until he releases his hot cum into your pussy, filling you to the brim.

In utter pleasure, Jeonghan rocks into you with abandon, spurred on by your cries and your nails digging into his shoulders as his pelvis rubs your humming clit. His warmth spreads within you, leaking out from around his throbbing girth as his hips slow to a stop. You soften to quiet whimpers when he lets go of your leg, nuzzling into his neck in a daze.

Neither of you move, too lost in the feeling of each other’s arms to care about anything else.

taglist: @duolingofanaccount @felix-3002 @junhui-recs @asjkdk @dani41 @kageyama-i-want-tobiors @ohwonwoo

[nakahras]

᯽ mr. loverman • chuuya nakahara

synopsis • you have a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day and to top it off you can’t even go to the one person you’d want to since he’s out of town. or, at least, you thought so.

warnings • intentional lower case, reader has a nightmare of a roommate, cursing, the use of the pet names doll/baby, chuuya being the gossip he is, fem!reader, nsfw, oral (m -> f), nipple/breast play, some nasty shit is said, masturbation (m), fingering, teasing, slight overstim, idk this is some depraved shit honestly

wc • 4k

a/n • i started this when i was having the worst day ever and just wanted boyfriend chuuya :( i cannot be blamed for the smut idk who wrote that but it wasn’t me

you want to scream — to be more accurate you want to off someone, yourself or someone else, either would suffice. unfortunately you stick to screaming, it would cause you less issues. you lift one of the many pillows on your bed and promptly screech your throat raw into the expensive pillow. your head feels as though it’s going to explode just thinking about how your day has gone.

you thought february 29th was supposed to be a lucky day? an extra day in a leap year meant luck, didn’t it? well in your case it didn’t feel very lucky. not at all, actually. in fact you were sure today was a curse. you woke up late, so, your day was off to a bad start from the beginning. your roommate forgot to pay the electricity bill, again, so you had to take a cold shower and couldn’t even make coffee. you stopped at your favorite coffee shop and not only did they get your order wrong but someone bumped into you on your rush to the train station. there was coffee everywhere. every. where.

thanks to the coffee spill you missed your morning train. which normally wouldn’t be a huge deal, except for the fact that you had an early staff meeting. you try to text your coworker that you were running behind but because your roommate forgot to put the payment in for electricity, your phone didn’t charge and died. you don’t even get your message out. you wanted to cry. luckily the train was early and you made it to work just in time.

you thought maybe you had seen the worst of it. your karma surely couldn’t be that bad, right?

wrong.

you work as a nurse in cardiology. you had not one, not two, but three people code on you. it always came in threes. three emergency services calls. three rounds of performing cpr. three separate incident reports to type out. you were exhausted by the end of the day.

you almost cried again when your favorite coworker offers you a ride home. he was a saint in disguise and you told him so. a literal gift from heaven. you promise him a homemade lunch in return and he waves you off as you climb out of the car. when you get to your apartment you’re pleasantly surprised to see your roommate cleaning. a rare occasion.

the electricity is back on too so you take the opportunity to enjoy a relaxing bath and some wine. you thought, once again, maybe the worst was over.

wrong. again.

when you got out of the bathroom you thought you vaguely heard chatter but chalked it up to a show your roommate was probably watching. you change into a t-shirt, skipping a bra because it’s just you and your roommate at home, and a pair of sleeping shorts that barely cover anything. when you walk out with your headphones on you’re stunned to see 3 strangers in your home.

your roommate looks at you like you’re the crazy one. like she isn’t the one that didn’t warn you about the company. you double check then triple check your phone. nope, not a single text for warning. you awkwardly wave and consider digging a hole and living in it when she introduces one of the strangers as her new boyfriend. in that moment you want to perish, cease from existing altogether.

you don’t even get a chance to grab your food before you’re making a half assed excuse to step away and run back to your room.

you’re now laying on your bed, letting tears of frustration stream down your face. you can’t even call the one person who would make it all better. your boyfriend was away for a business trip. you didn’t want to accidentally interrupt something important. you knew he would drop everything

your boyfriend also has this freaky 6th sense, like he can always tell when you’re thinking of him. so, you’re not surprised when your phone begins to ring and you’re met with his contact photo. you let out a sigh and pick up.

“chuuya…” you breathe out. you sound terrible, you know you do, but you can’t bring yourself to even care to mask it.

you can hear vague rustling in the background before chuuya is speaking. “you don’t sound okay. what’s wrong?”

you start crying again. how does he do that? he always seems to know when you need him most. right now was definitely one of those times. you wish he could actually be there. you missed his warm and safe embrace.

“i’m not. i had a really shitty day and i feel so ridiculous about how much it’s getting to me…” you let out a humorless laugh at how pathetic you feel saying that out loud. you’re throwing a fit over a bad day. who does that?

and all you wanted was for chuuya to be here. but you couldn’t tell him that, if you did he would dismiss everything and come running. then you would feel bad about coming between him and his work. you let out a frustrated sigh.

you can practically hear the frown on chuuya’s face when he speaks. “you wanna tell me ‘bout it? i’ll listen. or is there something else i can do to make you feel better?”

you don’t deserve him. you think to yourself.

moments like this make you really think about how chuuya deserves way more than what you can give him. you go days at a time without talking to him because of school and work. you lock yourself in your room and ignore the world outside just to keep up with your school work. you know it’s unfair to chuuya even if you always do give him a warning. he is always incredibly understanding over it that you almost cry out of guilt. he even brings you meals and hydration packs to make sure you’re taking care of yourself.

things like this remind you just how selfish you can be when it comes to him. all you want is him. but are you allowed to even feel like that when he’s away for work — a good reason by the way, much better than your own. he never complains when you need space so why would you? to you the answer is simple, you won’t complain.

of course, chuuya sees it differently. he knows that if you didn’t have to cut everyone off to focus on your work you wouldn’t. but your mind doesn’t work like that and he gets it. does he miss you when you have to take a break from reality? absolutely, but he doesn’t complain because he already knows how bad you feel about it.

so instead of saying ‘yes, i need you’ like you want to you let out another sigh. “how much work do you have left today?”

”funny you ask me that, doll. i finished everything early today.” chuuya chuckles when he can practically see the way you perk up.

you still hesitate when you ask, “does that mean you're coming back to yokohama early?”

the port mafia executive smiles widely at just how adorable he finds you. the way you still get so shy to ask him things that should be a given. chuuya adores you and couldn’t imagine spending his now free time with anyone other than you. so, of course he took the opportunity to get back as soon as possible. apparently his timing was impeccable because from the sound of it, you could use a break.

chuuya was already on his way to your apartment. it was supposed to be a surprise, but he figures since he’s already almost there…

“why don’t you pack a bag and come down to find out for yourself, hm?” he lets out another chuckle when your excited squeal finds it’s way onto his side of the phone.

you quickly grab your small duffle and stuff some essentials into it. you have a drawer at chuuyas jam packed with clothing already and a whole second set of your favorite hygiene products so you only need to grab a few things. you pack your laptop and a couple articles of your comfier clothing. you change quickly, stuffing your legs into some jeans and actually putting on a bra underneath your t-shirt.

you grab your phone where chuuya is still on the line. “okay, all packed. should i come down now?”

“yeah, your surprise should be there any minute.” chuuya pulls up to the front of your building as he says those words and can’t help the pleased smile on his face.

you chuckle and shake your head. “my surprise, huh wonder what it could-“ you’re cut off when your roommate calls out your name questioningly in your rush to get out of the door. your eye twitches when you’re reminded of the randoms in your apartment but put on a smile anyways. “it was so nice meeting you guys, sorry i can’t stay but my boyfriend came back into town early so i’m gonna go see him. bye.”

you don’t miss the way your roommate perks up at the mention of chuuya. “oh? chuuya is here? you should invite him up. i would love to see him.

“i’m sure you would. he’s tired though. maybe some other time.” you grit your teeth and smile sweetly. you don’t wait for a response as you practically run out the door and lock it behind you.

you huff and then remember chuuya is on the other side of the phone still, you grimace realizing he heard the whole thing. “sorry…”

“didn’t know i was so tired.” chuuya laughs as you let out a groan.

you catch the elevator before the doors close from someone just getting out and stab at the button to the ground floor. “i’m tired of their shit, therefore, you’re tired too. plus did you really wanna sit through another awkward meal where my roommate dotes on you. god and her new boyfriend was there. can you imagine how uncomfortable that would be? gross. i don’t wanna think about it anymore.”

“someone’s actually insane enough to agree to date her? condolences to whoever that guy is.” chuuya’s voice drips with genuine surprise.

you let out a giggle at how scandalized your boyfriend sounds. “you’re telling me she doesn’t pique your interest, sunshine?”

he chuckles and you can practically hear the eye roll from his end of the line. “nah, my girl is the only one for me.”

you’re walking out of the elevator when you stop in your tracks for a moment. it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been with him, when chuuya calls you his girl it makes you melt. your brain malfunctions a little and it makes you really think about how you truly are all his.

without hesitation you breathe out an “i love you.” before moving forward to the entrance of your building.

“i love you.” it’s instantaneous, his answer.

chuuya never has to think twice about telling you how much he adores you. he is immutably in love with you. there was no doubt in his mind and, even though it took some time for you to believe so, there was no longer a single doubt in your mind either. chuuya had made certain that you would never question it.

you make it to the entrance. the moment you open the door you’re welcomed with the sight of chuuya leaning against his car. his phone is still up to his ear as his grin widens upon seeing you.

you drop your hand and phone from your ear and hang up before rushing over to the ginger. you drop your duffle bag near the car before jumping into the executive's arms. he was anticipating the impact and caught you with ease.

the bicolor eyed man holds you tightly and you bury your face in his neck. his soft hair tickles your face but you couldn’t care less. you take in a deep breath and his scent envelopes you and all the tension your body had been previously holding completely dissipates.

your voice is muffled when you say, “i missed you, so much.”

“i missed you too.”

you both stand there in each other’s arms for a few more seconds before chuuya sets you down. he grabs your bag from the ground and opens the passenger door for you. you thank him and climb in. your boyfriend wastes no time placing your bag on the backseat and slipping into the drivers side.

the ginger takes you to your favorite take out restaurant and you order all of your favorites. when you get back to his penthouse you set up his couch into a lounge bed and get ready to watch one of your favorite movies. while you’re doing that, chuuya is pouring you both a glass of wine.

you’re happily munching on your food and sipping on your wine when chuuya hits you with. “you should move in.”

your head snaps back to look up at him, your brow is furrowed and you give him a confused look. “we haven’t talked about it before. are you being serious right now?”

“completely.” he doesn’t even look at you, his tone so nonchalant and you’re just gaping at him.

you set your drink and food aside and shift off of chuuya. he’s about to complain until you sit yourself on his lap straddling his waist and wrapping your arms around his shoulders. you pluck the remote from his hand and turn over your shoulder to pause the movie. you wanted to make sure you had his undivided attention (you always did).

you study him for a moment before responding. “are you sure?”

“yes. i have 2 extra rooms that aren’t being used. we don’t have to share a bedroom yet and you would still have a separate office space. c’mon, doll, let me get you out of that nightmare of an apartment.” chuuya reaches up and tucks a stray hair behind your ear.

he did that on purpose. you know he did. the way he caresses your face with his always surprisingly soft fingers is unfair. he knows how distracting it is to you.

you try to process what he says but it takes you quite a bit longer than it should have but it doesn’t take you long to make your decision. “…okay.” it comes out whispered.

“okay?” chuuya asks you incredulously like he was actually expecting you to reject his offer.

you nod your head with a blush creeping up your face. “yes, okay. i’ll move in with you.

chuuya can’t help himself and presses his hands across your back to bring you into him. his lips crash into yours and you share a moment of pure bliss. his lips meld perfectly with yours. he tastes of peppermint and grapes. the taste increases as his tongue slips past your lips and tangles with your own. you let out a short gasp at the sudden intrusion but melt into him anyways.

you both stay like that for a few minutes. your hips begin to stutter on their own. your breaths and gasps and quiet moans fill the atmosphere. chuuya’s hands have found their way under your shirt and he’s already playing with the band of your bra. his fingers expertly undo the clasps and hands glide across your now naked back.

your lungs scream at you. you want more of him but you have to oblige your body’s need for air. you part from his lips and rest your forehead on his own, breath mixing together as you both pant for air.

chuuya only gives you a moment, hips still moving into his when he grabs at your hair and gently pulls your head back so he can trail kisses down your neck. it takes all of his self control to not bite your soft skin. per your request, he’s always careful not to leave marks on areas that would be visible in your scrubs. this is the one instance where his need to please you outweighs his need to be possessive.

if chuuya had it his way, he would make everyone aware of just how much you are his. for your sake, though, he reigns in that side of himself. he supposes he’ll just have to show the world you’re his in different ways. like in the form of a key, and in the form of a ring he has stashed away in the far corners of his closet, and maybe even some day in the form of his child.

chuuya’s brought back to reality by the sound of your voice. he hadn’t even realized that your positions had switched. you were panting underneath him, face flushed, and — fuck — you look so gorgeous like this. you were always beautiful. but having you like this, something only he got to see always made something primal in him stir.

you huff and grab ahold of the ginger’s face. his mind was obviously elsewhere. “chuuya. listen to me. what are you doing?”

chuuya’s eyes, which had glazed over, somewhat clear from the fog. he smiles at you as he lowers himself further down your body and lifts your shirt to press kisses to your stomach. you let out a whine, ready to complain about him still not listening.

“relax, baby, i’m helping you relieve some stress.” chuuya draws soothing circles into your skin then, without waiting for your response his hands travel to your pajama pants to untie them.

your hand shoots out to stop him, still panting and slightly dazed. “what about you?”

“don’t worry about me. i can take care of myself while i take care of you.” he says it so unabashedly you can’t bring yourself to question him.

then your head starts spinning. the thought of him touching himself while taking care of you is so incredibly hot it ignites your entire body on fire. there’s no longer a single thought in your head that doesn’t involve chuuya’s mouth, his lips, his tongue, his hands, his fingers. you need it all.

you reach out and card your fingers through the gravity manipulator’s silky hair. he hums at the action and takes it as his sign to continue. his fingers work quickly, undoing the ribbon and hooking around both the elastic of the pants and your panties. his movements are so fluid and fast you can hardly keep up. your bottom half is completely bare but he’s not satisfied there.

his hand slides up underneath your shirt and through the valley of your breasts. he watches intently as your shirt slowly rides up to expose your breasts. his fingers ghost over each mound briefly before they’re sliding down your body again and gripping at your thighs, holding them open.

“so damn pretty.” chuuya hums and his eyes flit up to gaze up at your flushed face. “do me a favor, baby? play with those perfect tits of yours for me, won’t you?”

his voice is sickly sweet and smooth like honey. you’re so enamored by the sound that you almost don’t hear him. his expectant look is what starts up the wheels in your head to turn. his words process and your hands move on their own accord. you start kneading at your chest while maintaining eye contact with his bicolored eyes.

chuuya groans. “god, doll. look at you. playin’ with yourself like that. ‘s sexy as hell- you’re sexy as hell.”

“chuuya…” you let out a whine. your patience thinning by the second as you wiggle your ass for any chance at friction.

your boyfriend lets out a chuckle. “okay, okay. think i’ve made you wait long enough, hm? deserve a reward for all the hell you were put through today.”

chuuya, once again, doesn’t give you a chance to answer before he’s dipping his head down to get face to face with your already slick cunt. his tongue is quick as he runs it up and down your folds. you feel him sigh in relief against you, like this is the first meal he’s had in days. it might as well be with how much he craved you when he was away.

although, he was focused on you — focused on making this all about you — chuuya knows if he doesn’t make good on his word of relieving himself you’ll never let him hear the end of it. who is he to deny himself the added pleasure when you’re demanding it of him. so, chuuya lets go of one of your thighs to fumble with his belt and free his strained cock from its confines.

you vaguely watch his arm move. your attention wavering as his lips wrap around your clit and he sucks. your back arches and hands squeeze at your breasts in surprise as you moan out his name.

chuuya smirks, absolutely pleased by the reactions he elicits from you. his hand that freed his cock moves to collect some of the wetness that’s steadily dripping out of you. once he’s satisfied with the amount he lowers his hand and uses your slick as lube to touch himself.

you try to comment on it but your mouth isn’t working right. the only thing that comes out is, “chuuya~ so good. ‘s so- fuck- so good…”

chuuya groans, clearly enjoying this as much as you are. his hips start to stutter as he lets go of your other thigh to gather more of your juices in that hand. his mouth it still making expert work of your clit while his fingers are closing in on your entrance. he teases you a little, circling the hole a few times before slowly pushing in two of his lithe fingers.

your head is thrown back as a slew of cursed moans falls from your lips. this time chuuya lets out a moan of his own when he feels your walls fluttering around his fingers already. his hand being used on himself starts pumping faster, his cheeks hollowing more frequently and fingers start sliding in and out of you at an alarming rate.

he’s close, you realize. he’s close and wants you to cum before him. you aid him in his endeavor by rolling your nipples between your fingers then squeezing slightly to pinch them. the added sensation makes your whole body twitch.

“f-fuck, fuck, fuck. chuuya, gonna cum~ ‘s too much. gonna-“ a euphoric wave crashes over you and you let out an embarrassing squeal like moan as your vision spots and ears rings.

chuuya’s slurps while lapping up at your orgasm are insanely lewd and the noise alone is enough to send him crashing as well. what really does him in is the sight before him. your eyes rolling back into your head and mouth hanging open. he moans deeply, from his chest, and spills into his hand. he pumps himself a few more times until he’s twitching from the overstimulation.

chuuya laps up every last drop your cunt has to offer while you come down from that amazing high and catch your breath. when he’s happy with his clean up he rests his cheek on your thigh. you prop yourself up to look at him. he looks so angelic, hair slightly tousled from your fingers running through it earlier, face glistening from your juices and face flushed. chuuya smiles at you then turns his head to leave sweet kisses on your inner thigh.

you let your head hang back before groaning. he was going to be the death of you. you knew he wasn’t finished with you by a long shot.

“we have plenty of time to do this when i move in.” you whine.

chuuya lets out an elated laugh. “so, when are we moving you in? tomorrow?”

you let out a genuinely amused laugh, shaking your head at his eagerness.

[mischievousmoony]

𝚐𝚘𝚘𝚍 𝚕𝚞𝚌𝚔, 𝚋𝚊𝚋𝚎!

⟢ lily evans x fem!reader

⟢ summary: lily evans is haunted by memories from years ago before she started dating james potter and before you left her life. amid feelings of guilt, regret, and a shocking discovery, she finds herself on your doorstep . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ 5.1k

⟢ warnings/tags: reader has a bad relationship with family (implied homophobia), lily struggles with her sexuality, loosely based on the song it's named after, angsty but gets a little fluffy, second chance trope, will have another part, gave up on proofreading

⟢ masterlist

note: pls leave feedback if you have it regarding this fic being told mostly from lily's pov but awkwardly still in second person... since i was writing for fun for a while without the intention to post, i found myself focusing on the characters rather than the reader. do we like it or do we want more reader centric stuff? xo ty

Lily Evans has grown accustomed to restless nights. It started when she moved in with her boyfriend. She likes to blame the insomnia on their new flat. Some days it's the whistling radiators or the bed being too hard or the noise of their upstairs neighbours staying up late. 

James, being a sweetheart who inherited a knack for potions from his father, brews his girlfriend a supply of Dreamless Sleep Potion every week. Lily takes three of the seven potions, the rest finding refuge down the drain. She feels terrible about the waste but she finds that coming in and out of dreams all night is better than a good nights rest without them. 

She could simply tell James that she likes to dream. But there was the problem of James absolutely brewing a different sleep potion for her that would likely require more work and less accessible ingredients. Plus, to announce her fondness of her dreams would mean facing why she adores them so much. Because when Lily finds herself naturally dozing off, memories of you come flooding in. 

It was the first warm day of the season. The snow had finally melted away and signs of life crept back into the earth. 

It was midday. Was it the weekend or was she skipping class? She couldn’t remember. All she knew is that she was laying in the grass, staring up at a dogwood tree that was starting to get some life back, with her head resting someplace soft. Your lap. 

Your hands were in her hair, braiding and unbraiding small strands over and over again. Lily closed her eyes. 

“What’s going on in that pretty mind of yours, Flower?” Your voice was treat for her ears, soft and gentle like your touch. 

Lily’s eyes fluttered open to meet yours. You looked radiant. Beams of sunlight filtered through the tree branches and traced your silhouette. The wind was tame, but it made your hair wisp off to the right, some stray strands dancing across your forehead and cheeks. 

“Nothing, nothing at all,” Lily replied, “Isn’t that beautiful?”

“Relaxed?” You mused.

“Very,” Lily said, leaning into your touch as you buried your hand in her red locks, your thumb tracing a braid you left there.

“This is nice.” she sighed happily.

“I told you so,” you teased, “This is much better than hiding in some dark corner.”

“I hate when you say that.” Lily groaned playfully. 

“And I love saying it.” You grinned as you poked Lily in her side where you knew she was ticklish. 

Lily yelped and writhed away as she laughed. You surrendered quickly, not wanting to be the cause of her leaving your lap. 

After you both settled down, Lily closed her eyes again and whispered, “I wish it could be like this forever.”

“It could,” you said softly. 

Suddenly, Lily felt very cold.

Lily stirs. A sliver of soft light is shining through a gap in the curtains, signaling the impending morning. She tosses and turns for a while, pleading with the universe to send her back. 

When she flops onto her right side she finds James facing her. Pretty eyelashes lay across his cheeks as he peacefully sleeps. Something about the sight makes Lily’s heart race. She wishes it meant what she told herself it did, but she couldn’t ignore the pit in her stomach that came along with it. 

Lily turns onto her back as she brings her hands over her eyes. The weight of anxiety and self-loathing begins to settle in. She wants to think of anything, anything at all please, that will distract her. Her mind drifts back to you.

At ease, she snoozes off again. But not all of Lily’s dreams are happy ones. 

Lily finds herself back under the same tree, which was now in full bloom. Birds were chirping on the branches above. 

“Lily, I just-,” your expression was one of pure desperation.

“Just what?” Lily snapped. She had never been so vicious in her life. “You embarrassed me.”

You shake your head helplessly, “Embarrassed you?”

“You can’t act like that in front of my friends! They’re going to get the wrong idea.” As angry as she was, she kept her callous voice hushed. 

“Remus and Sirius? Seriously? They’re dating, Lily. They’re not about to judge you for being-"

“Stop!” Lily shrieked, looking around ferociously as if someone might overhear, but you two were completely alone, “It’s not about that! I’m not… I am just not.”

“Then what do you call what’s happening between us?” you asked bitterly. 

Lily’s green eyes went wide. “What’s happening between us is nothing. We’re just- just friends.”

“No. Remus, Sirius. They’re your friends. James, Mary, and Marlene are your friends. You'd be seen in public with all of them! But me? I’m not your friend.” You swallowed hard, willing the tears to stay at bay, “I thought I was more than that to you. Turns out I’m nothing.”

Lily sucked her lower lip in between her teeth. “That’s not true,” she said. 

“You only ever see me by this stupid tree at the edge of Hogwarts’ property! Or in a deserted classroom. Or in the back of the library only at times no one else would ever be there.” You spat the words like they were poison and your trembling voice rose with every syllable. 

“Please lower your voice!” Lily pleaded. The castle was far away, but close enough to see students as tiny specks leaving its’ doors. For Lily, that was too close. 

You released a dry, bitter laugh, “You see? I’m nothing but your little secret.” 

Lily looked distraught trying to come up with the right thing to say. “Isn’t that what’s fun about us?” she asked. 

You sucked in a sharp breath. For a while you just stared at Lily. Each passing second, she became more unrecognizable. 

“No. Not for me. I know who I am Lily. I’m not going to keep pretending that I’m someone else.” You said it like an accusation. 

“I’m not pretending,” she said so genuinely you couldn’t help but feel sad for her. But that didn’t cancel out your anger. 

“You can’t run away from yourself forever, Lily. If you try, you’re going to wake up one day and hate the life you’ve built. Good luck with that.” 

Lily wakes up and the back of her neck is clammy. She remembers that day clearly. For a long time, she would only acknowledge it as the day she agreed to go on a date with James. 

Speaking of, James enters the bedroom with two freshly brewed cups of tea in hand. 

“Good morning, sunshine,” James’ beaming smile fades when he meets Lily’s eyes as he enters their shared bedroom, “The potion’s not working well?”

Lily reaches for a hand mirror that lays on her bedside table. When she sees herself, she’s met with puffy dark circles, bloodshot eyes, and sickly pale cheeks. 

Lily places the mirror down in her lap. When she meets James’ eyes again, she finds herself at a loss for words. 

The look on James face induces agony in Lily. James Potter is not meant to be sad—he’s probably the most cheerful person Lily has ever known. But today he stood before her with forlorn in his eyes. 

James approaches Lily’s bedside and after setting the tea down, he cups one side of her face with a warm hand. He lightly brushes her cheek with his thumb as he says, “Maybe I’m brewing the potion incorrectly. I should owl my dad and ask for advice.”

“No!” Lily blurts. 

Oh, Merlin, she thinks as guilt starts to chew away at her. James is absolutely devastated because he thinks he’s failed at helping her. Lily feels sick for doing this to him.

“It’s not your fault,” she insists, “It’s… surely a fluke. I slept rather well the night before, remember?”

James looks like he’s considering Lily’s words. “Yeah, yeah, alright. Maybe it went sour. When I’m off for a break at work, I’ll try to research proper storage methods for sleep potions.”

Lily wants to insist that he just enjoy his break, but she relents. She feels terrible about it, but if there's one thing about James Potter, it's that he will work endlessly to find a solution to his friends' problems. After all, he did become an unregistered animagus as a teen to ease Remus’ pain, and that was no small feat. 

Lily can’t help but think to herself that she doesn’t deserve his big heart. 

Throughout the day, she tries to keep her mind off of James and sleeping potions and dreams about her past. At work, she is able to keep herself fairly busy. But when she goes on her break, she sits miserably staring at the wall, thinking about James trying to solve a nonexistent problem through his own break. 

Lily decides to return to work ten minutes early and she is met with a stack of new tasks. At the moment, she's probably the only one in the office who's happy to be overworked.

Work is able to occupy her thoughts for the rest of the day. Even on her way home, she recounts the work that she was able to complete and considers plans for the work she has left. 

She barely even notices the emptiness of the flat when she arrives, drafting a letter she needs to send to her boss in her mind. She doesn’t come back to the present until she sees a note on James’ bedside table. 

She frowns slightly and brings the parchment close to read James’ scribble. 

Visiting the library to read up on sleep potions. Be back soon.

Love, James

Great. Instead of relaxing after a full day of work, he’s at the library doing research as if they’re back at school and a potions essay is due tomorrow. 

In a fit of despair, Lily crumples up the note and throws it aside. In the heat of the moment, she carelessly bumps her fist into James’ plant. 

It’s a wretched fake plant that Lily hates. She recalls asking James for days to buy a real plant, promising to take care of it for him. But James claimed the artificial monstrosity was his most prized possession and begged her to leave it, so eventually she did. 

She worries that she’s broken the awful thing, but as she moves to clean it up, something more pressing replaces that concern. 

The plant is fine, anyway. The ceramic vase survived the fall, but the plant had popped out. It seems that the fake dirt that the waxy leaves were glued to was only a thin disk. And when it came free of the vase, something else came tumbling out as well. A little wooden box, the sight of which made Lily’s stomach turn. 

Lily feels like she’s moving through gelatin as she bends down towards the box. With trembling fingers, she picks it up like it's a bomb that could go off if she makes any sudden moves.

Oh, so carefully, Lily fiddles with its latch and slowly flips it open. 

Lily’s world comes crashing down as she stands face to face with the most beautiful engagement ring she’s ever seen. 

The golden band has an intricate botanical design. Leafy vines interlace dazzling emeralds and every detail complements a striking diamond set in a beaded frame. 

James surely dipped into the Potters' fortune for this. Whilst he prefers to live by his own means where he can, he is also not one to spare any expenses for something so momentous.

Lily doesn’t know how long she stood frozen, staring at the ring resting on its velvet bed. This is everything she's always told herself she wants yet standing there with the ring in hand, she didn’t want it at all. The contradicting emotions have seemingly short circuited her. 

Eventually, she snaps out of her trance at the sound of a holler. 

“Lilypad! I’m home!” 

Panic sets in as Lily scrambles to hide her discovery. She snaps the box closed and nearly dives for the ceramic vase that still lies on the floor. 

The sound of James’ footsteps are like a threat as she plops the vase back on the table and sets the box inside. 

“Lily?” James calls as she is trying to force the plant back into the ceramic pot. 

With a final ‘pop’ the brown disk finds its home and Lily has just enough time to whip her body towards to door before James enters. 

James’ eyes dart around the room, looking for anything that could be astray. 

“Everything okay?” James asks when he doesn’t find anything obviously wrong. 

“Yeah!” Lily says despite feeling like she can’t breathe. 

James studies his girlfriend’s flushed face, “Are you sure? You look-“

“I have to go!” Lily blurts out. She’s suddenly racing around the room, collecting her keys and sliding her shoes back on. 

Confusion floods James’ expression, “What? Go where?”

Lily waves her hand in the air as if it doesn’t matter, collecting her purse and flying out the door. 

James calls after her, “Wait, Lil-"

Lily doesn't wait to hear what he has to say as she makes a rash decision to apparate away. Her destination? For reasons Lily cannot explain nor understand, your doorstep. It was the first place she thought of and she doesn't have the slightest clue as to why—she’d never even been here before. She only knows the address from the exchange of Christmas gifts between you two one winter.

As soon as you turned 17, you moved out of your parent’s house even though you were still at Hogwarts. You had told Lily that you couldn’t even bear one last holiday with them, so that winter you found this place. 

It was a charming little townhouse in London. Lily remembers that you disliked the plain exterior, but the vivid teal door made up for it. 

The place was considerably nicer than Lily’s flat. She always wondered how you were able to afford it, but she suspected that your parents might have ‘misplaced’ some money before you moved out. And from what Lily has heard, you had secured a job right out of school. 

Lily feels ridiculous. She doesn't even know if you still live here. She doesn't even know if she wants to see you. More importantly, she fears that you don’t want to see her. 

She thinks she should leave, but she feels glued in place as she takes in the exterior to the home and she realizes that it must still be yours. You have two giant potted plants on your doorstep that look well taken care of. They stand on either side of a doormat that has simple black writing reading "welcome". You still have Christmas lights up and a wreath hanging on your door despite the holiday being a few months ago.

Lily doesn't mean to look through your windows, but one of them has the curtains drawn. She can see a cozy looking room inside. Lily tries to decipher what the little trinkets on your windowsill are. Little crystal figurines, perhaps? A jade elephant, a rose quartz cat, a lapis hippogriff, and one more. The stone was orange, or maybe red, it's hard to tell. Lily wonders if it's red jasper. No, it's not that red. Maybe carnelian?

"Lily?" A voice interrupts her train of thought.

Lily tenses. She knows exactly who that gentle voice belongs to. She turns around like a machine that desperately needs oiling—stiffly and slowly.

You suck in a sharp breath when you see that it really is her. "What are you doing here?" you ask softly.

Lily is unable to speak when she sees you. After only seeing you in her dreams for so long, this moment feels surreal.

"Are you alright?" you question, getting more worried the longer she takes to respond. Lily is the last person you expected to see when you noticed someone standing in front of your house during your walk up the street.

"Yeah I- I'm sorry. I don't know why I-" Lily shakes her head, "I was apparating and it was the first address that came to mind for some reason. I- I'm sorry, I shouldn't be here."

You were a bit scared by the way she was acting. "Lily, it's freezing out here," you say, "Why don't you come inside?"

Lily's eyes widen and she opens her mouth to protest but you don't give her the chance.

"It's fine. I promise." Your keys jingle in your hand as you pass Lily to unlock your door.

Lily follows you inside timidly. You lead her to the drawing room that she had seen through the window. You insist that Lily takes a seat as you close the room's french doors, which seems like a difficult feat. You heave the doors and some dust floats into the air. It seems like they haven't been closed in a long time.

"Sorry," you strain as you finally get the doors moving, "I don't want to wake Cami. They work the night shift, so, y'know?"

"Cami..." Lily repeats. She doesn't know why it shocks her that you've met someone, and it makes her feel worse for being here.

"Yeah," you wave your hand around like the words are lost from your tongue, "my-"

"No, yeah, of course." Lily says quickly. She tries to change the subject. "This is a nice place."

"Oh yeah, and having someone to split the rent with was long overdue," you joke.

With the doors finally closed, you turn around with a huff and place your hands on your hips. You finally have a moment to look at Lily.

She looks almost the same, but she's missing a certain fire in her eyes that she always had back when you knew her. She still had that beautiful hair that you loved. It looked just as soft. And did she have less freckles somehow? No, must just be from the lack of sun in the winter months. The last time you saw her she was sun-kissed since it was nearly summertime.

You bite your lip, feeling stupid for just staring at her while she sits distraught on your sofa.

"I should've offered you tea by now," you blurt out. You look over your shoulders at the heavy doors and hold back a sigh.

"I'm alright, no worries, really," Lily assures you.

Your eyes dart down to her trembling hands. "At least let me start a fire, yeah?"

Lily sits as still a statue, her spine rigid like she's afraid to relax in your home. She's uncomfortably aware that she is here unexpectedly, extremely unexpectedly.

She watches as you get a fire going. You have to move some firewood into the fireplace before you can cast a spell to light it.

You look different from the person Lily sees in her memories. The way you carry yourself has a certain confidence that wasn't there before. There's also physical differences. You have a new piercing, you changed the way you dress, and most shockingly to Lily—

"You cut your hair." she says thoughtfully.

"What?" Your hand reaches up to touch your hair as you move to sit on an armchair near the couch, "Oh, I suppose so, yes. I started cutting it this way about a year and a half ago to be honest."

This serves as a reminder to Lily that it has been a very long time since you were in her life. It made her being here feel impossibly more uncomfortable. Any more discomfort and Lily would start choking on it.

"Stop worrying," you chastise, "I don't mind that you're here."

All these years later and you can still tell what she's thinking by her expression.

"It is odd, though, isn't it?" Lily keeps worrying anyway, but you really do mean it. Sure, maybe a couple years ago you would have told her to go away and never come back, but you were angrier at her and angrier at the world when you were young.

You sway your head side to side, acting like you're weighing out the answer. A small smile threatens to overtake Lily's lips.

Quite chuckles emit from your mouth as your head stills, "I'll admit it's unexpected."

"Sorry."

You offer her a gentle smile as if to say it's okay. A moment passes while you gain the courage to ask her what's going on with her.

"Are you gonna tell me what brought you here?" you ask tentatively.

Images of the engagement ring flash in Lily's mind, but that's the last thing she wants to talk about.

"I've been thinking about you." Lily says. Stupid, she thinks. That topic isn't exactly much better for her. "Not like that! I mean I- I've just been feeling so... Well, I've been thinking about my past." Lily struggles to find the words to make her point, "And the mistakes I've made... one of them being you."

"Ouch." you say playfully.

"That is not what I mean!" Lily panics.

"Just joking, Lils, I get it." The nickname slips out, but seemingly goes unnoticed.

"You do?" she asks, sounding a little scared.

A sad expression overtakes your features and Lily slumps back into the sofa in response.

“You can say it.” she says shamefully.

“Say what?” you ask as you draw your eyebrows together.

“You told me so. I know how much you loved saying it. So go ahead, because I officially hate my life." Lily's head tips back and lands on the cushions behind her miserably.

"You don't mean that." You feel a piece of your heart break for her, along with a twinge of guilt.

"Why shouldn’t I? When I look at my boyfriend the only thing I feel is guilt." Lily's head tips back up to look at you again. "I can’t sleep, I can’t get a moment of peace unless I’m mind numbingly busy. I-” Lily trails off, exasperated. The only thing she leaves out of her rant is why she feels this way. She feels bitter about the fact that she still can’t even say it.

You see the turmoil in her stormy eyes and would give anything to make her feel better, even just for a moment.

“Everyone takes their own time, you know?” You tread lightly because she hasn’t technically confirmed the reason for her turmoil. “My sister, she- uh, she just came out to me,” you half expect Lily to turn on you like she did that day under the dogwood tree, but she doesn’t flinch, “and she’s almost forty.” You joke a little, lightening up the conversation. Your sister was actually in her mid thirties but sometimes even estrangement doesn’t seem to take away the instinctual need to poke fun at your siblings.

Lily remembers the way you talked about your sister. Your relationship was like her and Petunia’s, but it seemed to be worse. “Your sister?”

“Yeah, she sent an owl. Apologized for the way they all treated me. She was going through her own stuff and she was scared, I get it, but… still hurts, y’know?”

There was a lull in the conversation as Lily isn’t sure what to say.

“She asked to see me” you admit suddenly.

“Will you?”

“I don’t know.” you say wistfully, “It’s hard to forgive sometimes. Especially people who’ve said such cruel things.”

Lily sinks into the sofa even more, assuming your hinting to her, but then—

“I’m sorry.”

“What!?” Lily gapes, “What could you possibly be sorry for?”

You chew the inside of your cheek. “The last thing I ever said to you was too harsh. I never should’ve told you that you’d hate your life. Now here you are saying it’s true… I feel like I planted seeds in your mind-”

“No,” Lily interrupts, “You didn’t do anything wrong. If you must hear it, I accept your apology, but you were rightfully angry with me. And we were just kids!" A familiar fire flashes in Lily's eyes for just a second as she's consumed by an urgency to ease your feelings of remorse. "Please don’t feel guilty about that when what I did was so much worse. I was only thinking about my own feelings and I forgot about yours. I treated you like a dirty secret when you were probably the best person in my life back then. I’m the one who's sorry. I’m so sorry.” Lily sounds desperate for you to hear her apology by the time she finishes.

You didn’t know how much you needed to hear that. At some point you had decided not to let the situation with Lily hurt you anymore. You rationalized that it wasn’t about you—She was on her own path to discovery and you just happened to get wrapped up in it. So you let yourself heal, and you let yourself forgive Lily. But there was a small shrivel of anger still stowed away in your heart and you can finally feel it as it dissipates.

“I accept your apology too,” you rasp.

Lily lets the relief wash over her. She has been carrying the guilt for how she treated you for so long. And as the years went by and she reflected on her actions, it only grew worse. Finally being able to apologize and actually hearing that you accept it lifts a weight off of her shoulders that she’s forgotten what it feels like to live without. It’s almost disorienting.

“I think now’s a good time for that tea,” you say with a shaky breath and pad out of the room, closing the french doors behind you.

A sweet silence settles over the room as Lily sits alone. She takes the free time to absorb her surroundings. You’ve filled your drawing room with color and life. Artwork and portraits decorate the vibrant walls. And you have so many beautiful plants. Some hang by the windows and other small ones are scattered across the different surfaces in the room.

She wonders how much of this room is you, and how much of it is Cami. She tries to cast the stupid though aside, but she can't help noticing two stockings from Christmas still hanging on the fireplace's mantle. One has a glitter glue snowman on it, along with your sparkly initial. The other has candy canes and poorly drawn snowflakes under the letter ‘C’.

She thinks of you crafting the stockings and makes up the scene in her mind. You and Cami wrapped up in blankets on a snowy day, laughing at the juvenile designs as you eat Christmas cookies. The idea warms her heart and, for some reason, makes her sad at the same time.

Despite the weird mixed feelings, Lily feels at peace here. You seem to have built a happy life in this house and Lily finds herself wishing to be apart of it. She hopes today can be the door back into your life, but part of her fears it might be the conclusion to your story.

Eventually, you return with tea. Lily thanks you and takes a sip. It's perfect, and she realizes you remember the way she likes it.

The room remains silent even though you are back. Lily’s eyes drift around the room as she wracks her brain for something to say. With each passing second she gets more and more nervous that you’ll realize you don’t have anything more to talk about you’ll say goodbye forever.

Meanwhile, you’re watching her eyes move around the room and wonder what she’s thinking. You see her eyes falter on your record player. An idea suddenly emerges, and you get up to play a song.

It takes an awkward moment, but once it’s on you hear a small gasp.

“This was my favorite song.”

“Yeah, I know.” You bite your lip, “Was?”

Lily considers it for a moment, then corrects herself, “Is.”

“Yeah, it’s still mine too.” You begin to approach the sofa Lily is sitting on. “Do you remember when we charmed your cassette player to play this song?”

Lily starts laughing, “And we couldn’t get the bloody thing to shut up."

“And we tossed it in the Black Lake afterwards! That was our grand solution?”

Lily laughs harder, “My mum was so cross with me for that. ‘How do you misplace something like that!’ she asked me.”

“You told her you lost it? That thing was so clunky,” you snort.

“Why do you think she didn’t believe me?” Lily shook her head at her past self, “Oh! And do remember the time with the baby owl?”

“Yes!”

The world disappears around you both as you reminisce on the good times. From rescuing wild baby owls that you wrongly assumed were of the magical sort to angering the house elves after sneaking into their kitchen, you two had gotten yourselves into a lot of sticky situations back at school.

Lily loses track of time as you recount story after story, scooting closer and closer to each other on the sofa as you do.

The chimes of your blue grandfather clock suddenly catches Lily’s attention.

“Is it that late already?” Guilt sets in for how she left James, who must be worried sick.

You’re also taken aback by how long you’d been talking. You’ve forgotten how easy it was with Lily.

“I have to go,” Lily sounds panicked as she stands up.

“Oh, of course,” you stand with her, “let me walk you out.”

You lead her the way you came hours ago and step outside with her.

“It was, uh, nice seeing you, Lily.” You rock back and forth on your heels nervously. When you realize what you’re doing, you still yourself, but now you can’t stop wondering if you’re too still.

Lily smiles warmly, “I’m glad I ended up on your doorstep, even if it was a bit impromptu,” Lily rubs the back of her neck sheepishly, “Thank you for inviting me in.”

You give her a final nod and she makes her way down your front steps. You watch as she pauses at the bottom. She turns back.

"Can I see you again?" Lily knows she's being bold but she just can't help herself. She's only had you in dreams for so long. She doesn't want to let go of you as easily this time.

Your lips part, and you find yourself saying, “Yeah. That’d be… that’d be nice.”

Lily smiles for a moment, then apparates away. For a minute you stand alone in the cold, staring at the space she just occupied. Then, you go back inside to wash the teacups. You hate washing dishes, but you can’t help but smile through it.

[heliads]

hi!! Can I request Harry Potter x f!reader, where Harry and y/n are dating and during the battle reader gets severely injured almost dead by Voldemort and Harry doesn’t know until after he defeats him he goes looking for reader but can’t find her, getting scared he goes looking for her and finds her under a pile of rubble realizing she’s about to die he uses the resurrection stone or wand to bring her back to life/heal her. Sorry if it’s really I’ve never requested before!

just read manacled so i'm desperately craving to write some hp angst so this request was perfectly timed thx anon xoxo

'someone take me home ' - harry potter

masterlist

The air is dark, choked with the ash and smoke of Harry Potter’s only true home.

Although he is not the one setting fire to the turrets, sending trolls in to demolish the stone parapets, or hurling curses through glass windows, Harry still feels responsible for the destruction. He is the one who challenged Voldemort by trying to hunt down his Horcruxes. He is the one who has brought this needless death and destruction into the castle. When Voldemort made his pronouncement that all of this fighting could cease if they would only turn Harry over to the Death Eaters, Harry had felt the weight of that guilt settle onto his shoulders like a cloak. It is his doing, all of this. He is the one to blame.

The only way he can make up for it is to end this, once and for all. If he does not kill Voldemort tonight– if he cannot end this war quickly– every life lost, every shred of memory and pride lost in the broken castle’s rubble will have fallen because he could not get the job done. Harry is responsible for everything that happens here tonight. He has to be responsible for winning it, too.

Harry is close to the end. So close. He has already died once tonight. He does not want it to happen again. For a moment there, when he went into the woods alone to meet his soon-to-be killer, armed only with a wand, a wish, and a deeply seated terror that would not leave him, Harry had not thought that he would come back. Dumbledore had not had the chance to specify that in his memories, that Harry would survive the Avada Kedavra curse for the second time in his life.

Harry had not known at all. Through Snape’s memories, he had seen that he would have to die for Voldemort to be killed, but there was no guarantee that Harry would come back. When Harry came away from the Pensieve burdened with that terrible truth, he had assumed that the blinding flash of green light would be all. When he said goodbye to Ron and Hermione, he had left them thinking that he would never return. Walking away from them was horrible, the price of seven years’ worth of incredible friendship. The only thing worse than that was leaving Y/N.

Y/N L/N. Harry’s girlfriend. They started dating during their fifth year, coasting on the thrill of sneaking around behind Umbridge’s back to run the DA. He’d liked her for longer, of course, he swears half the boys his year had a crush on Y/N at least since their second winter at Hogwarts, but Harry was the one who got to keep her around. He never forgot how lucky that made him. And, leaving her behind in the ruins of Hogwarts Castle to end his life, Harry reminded himself of it then, too. Even if he was going to die, he had lived a properly good life before the moment the Killing Curse was spoken aloud. He should have no reason to mourn all of the moments he would never have when he already experienced and enjoyed so many.

To distract himself in those cold, empty woods, Harry had reached into his pocket for the small, dark stone left to him by Dumbledore in the shell of a Golden Snitch. It’s probably not wise to carry a Deathly Hallow through the Forbidden Forest in search of a Dark Lord, but Harry was, after all, headed towards his certain death, so he figured that a little bit of risk was acceptable under those circumstances. Turning the Resurrection Stone over in his pocket, Harry had let his eyes flicker closed as he thought of something– as he wished for it, more than anything, more even than he needed to be alive– and then his eyes had opened, and he had seen his parents.

His first thought was that they looked just like their photographs. They smiled at him, reaching out wispy hands to guide him onwards. Remus and Sirius had joined not soon after. It was easier to be brave when he wasn’t alone, and it must have just been his mind imagining it, because he swore that just before he emerged into the clearing containing Voldemort’s camp, Harry saw Y/N there too, smiling and calling out to him.

He just wanted to think of her one last time, that was all. It meant nothing. Y/N was alive with Ron and Hermione. The one-hour truce had probably ended by then, so they would all be fighting again, but his two best friends would keep the love of his life alive. Of course they would. He made them promise.

Harry had removed that worry from his mind, and then he had died and subsequently come back to life. When he was lying on the cold ground, when Narcissa Malfoy had bent over him and asked him as quietly as she dared if her son was still alive, Harry has to admit that he was not thinking about the good of the mission to kill Voldemort, nor how he could keep up that crusade if he stayed alive. No, he thought about seeing Y/N one more time, and so he told her that Draco was still living. Harry didn’t even know if it was a lie or not, it didn’t matter, it worked. It could be true. Harry had no way of telling if Draco had passed away. All he could do was survive, clawing inch by inch until he could make it back to the grounds of the castle and tell for certain who was dead and who was alive.

The ruse, however misguided, had worked, and then Voldemort had crowed with sickly joy and dragged Harry’s body back to the castle. Harry was forced to remain stock-still, terrified to move so much as a muscle lest he give himself away and incur a second Killing Curse.

Now he is back, back here, back in the present moment, back in the castle. Harry is alive and everybody knows it. Harry heard the cheers erupt when he flung himself away from Hagrid to stand opposite Voldemort again, but he dared not look back. One distracted glance gives Tom Riddle a chance to kill him, and Harry cannot– he will not– give himself away like that after everything. His friends need him. Y/N needs him. Harry must do this, he must win.

Harry is no stranger to dueling, both with friends and enemies. When Voldemort points the Elder Wand at Harry, the wand that technically is under Harry’s control, Harry feels the moment thrumming in his veins like a bloodlust even before his opponent casts the spell. His wand hand rises of his own volition, the spell rising to his lips by reflex alone.

Two incantations are chanted at the same time. Avada Kedavra, Voldemort shrieks across the dusty courtyard, his voice like a death rattle. Expelliarmus, Harry shouts back, his heart leaping into his chest. He has never meant a spell like this before, and he swears he never will.

For a moment, all is still, all is quiet. The Death Eaters and students alike watch with bated breath as the two spells arc across the courtyard, but then Voldemort’s bright spark of green rebounds the second it comes into contact with Harry’s, sending both tumbling towards the Dark Lord. The Killing Curse hits Voldemort, and just like that, with no pomp and circumstance, no drama befitting the one who has caused them all so much violence and grief, Tom Marvolo Riddle dies.

Harry doesn’t believe it. Truly, he doesn’t, until he forces his limbs to walk over to the body of Voldemort and stand, staring, at the corpse until he is certain it does not move again. Slowly, surely, the Death Eaters peel away, and the students and members of the Order of the Phoenix come back again, surging around him like an ocean wave, rejoicing in their victory.

Ron and Hermione reach him first, one at each side. They embrace him, half crying, half beaming. Hermione’s saying that he’s done it, he’s won, and Ron is grinning at him proudly, telling Harry that he knew he could do it. Harry waits for the fourth person to join their party, but for some reason, she never does.

Harry pulls back slightly from their embrace. “Guys,” he says uncertainly, “Where’s Y/N?”

Ron and Hermione exchange confused looks. “She was just here,” Ron says vacantly. “Wasn’t she, Hermione? I swear I saw her a minute ago. We were fighting together, then a bunch of Death Eaters split us up. I got back to Hermione as soon as I could, but–”

“But you didn’t see her?” Harry interrupts. His voice sounds harsher than he intends, but a sudden, icy panic is beginning to flood through his system, and he cannot think about anything– he will not think about anything– until he is certain that this fear is unfounded.

He looks desperately at Hermione, the reasonable one, the one who always comes up with answers in times of crisis like this one, but she shakes her head quietly. “None of us have seen her since the fighting started up again,” she whispers. “I’m sorry, Harry.”

“No,” he says forcefully, “No, that’s not right. Y/N is alive. We just lost her in the crowd, that’s all.”

It must be true. Harry won’t look at either of them, won’t see the slow rush of guilt that’s creeping into both of their faces. Y/N has to be here. She wouldn’t just leave him like this.

Harry pushes past the two of them, fighting his way back through the crowds. He scans every face he sees, ignoring friends and professors the moment he’s sure they aren’t her. When he doesn’t see her immediately, Harry looks not at the crowds but the grounds, the walls, to see if she’s lying down somewhere. She could still be resting, or maybe she has a broken leg or something and can’t move. There is still a way that she could be alive. There is still a way that she could come back to him.

No sign of her. Harry is about to leave the courtyard and try searching somewhere else, and then he sees a hand crumpled near a pile of rubble. The hand, bloody and streaked with dust, is connected to an arm, an arm which lies limp from a shoulder, which leads to a chest which leads to a face, a face he knows, a face which is Y/N’s.

Harry is kneeling on the ground in a flash. The body of a fallen Death Eater is somewhere to the side, and Harry has the brief, proud thought that Y/N managed to kill one of them before she– He cuts himself off just in time.

Y/N seems perfectly fine by all accounts, were it not for the ash beginning to tint her face a lifeless shade. It gets everywhere, that stuff, but it won’t matter, they’ll have time to clean up later, once it is all over. It is all over, he realizes belatedly, but not quite yet. Not until she sits up again and smiles at him like she always does.

Harry waits for this to happen, for her chest to rise and fall, for any sign of movement. Nothing comes. It is only sitting here, waiting, watching for nothing, when he realizes at last that Y/N is dead. He missed his chance to save her. Y/N is dead because Harry couldn’t beat Voldemort fast enough.

The grief crashes over him in spasming attacks. He cannot lose her, not like this. It was easier to be the one dying when he knew she would go on to live a long, happy life, but this is wholly different and much worse. Y/N deserved far more than a death at seventeen. She deserved far more than Harry letting her down in this final way.

He can’t allow this to happen. Harry has killed the Dark Lord, he has freed the Wizarding World from death and destruction, he will save his girlfriend and it will be his last victory. Harry claws at his pocket for the Resurrection Stone– he almost lost it in the Forbidden Forest, but not quite, and now he has it still– and presses it with shaking hands against her heart. Harry closes his eyes and wishes with everything he has that she would come back.

He doesn’t want to open his eyelids. If it doesn’t work– he can’t look at her again, fallen and still. He stays in the darkness until someone tells him in a light voice, “You can look now, Harry. I’m alright.”

Harry opens his eyes and almost sobs again. There, sitting up, is Y/N. She smiles at him. “Don’t look so surprised. You know what the stone does, don’t you?”

“I do,” he croaks, “but– I was so afraid, Y/N. I can’t lose you.”

“You won’t have to,” she whispers back. “We’ll always be together now.”

He wants this. Harry reaches forward and embraces her. He can hardly feel her hug him back, but she’s probably still injured from the fight. She’ll have to get up to the hospital wing as soon as possible, Madam Pomfrey can make her as good as new in a second’s flash.

Harry steps back so Y/N can stand up, and then he starts to lead her back through the courtyard. Ron and Hermione have caught up to him by now, and they stare at Y/N with undisguised shock.

“She’s back,” Harry says exultantly, as if they couldn’t tell that already.

Hermione nods faintly. “Harry…”

Her voice trails off. Ron lays a comforting hand on her arm, then turns to Harry. “You found her, then?” 

For some reason, he doesn’t seem nearly as happy as Harry thinks the situation deserves. He’s just found out one of his best friends is alive, after all, but instead he seems as if he’s just come from a funeral.

“I did,” Harry confirms. “I’m going to take Y/N to the hospital wing now, just in case.”

Y/N nods in agreement, which makes Ron and Hermione exchange knowing glances again.

“What?” Harry asks, somewhat cross.

“Nothing,” Hermione says a little too quickly. “It’s just– Oh, Harry, you have the Resurrection Stone, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Harry says. “Why do you ask?”

The look in her eyes is deeply sorrowful. “You have to let go, Harry.”

He shakes his head. “What are you talking about? I just got Y/N back, I have to make sure that she’s alright.”

He moves to brush past them, but Ron holds out an arm. “Here, I’ll take Y/N to the hospital wing. How about you stay and talk to Hermione for a little longer?”

Y/N looks unhappy about this, and although Harry doesn’t quite want to be parted from her yet, he can’t technically see any problems with this, so he agrees, and watches mournfully as Y/N trails away behind Ron. She’s moving slower than usual, but again, that must be due to injury.

Hermione takes him by the arm and steers him away from the quickly burgeoning crowds. “Harry,” she begins slowly, “Do you remember what Xenophilius Lovegood said about the Deathly Hallows, about the Stone in particular? How it drove the second brother mad because his bride came back from the dead, but she was never really the same?”

“I do,” Harry says vaguely, not entirely sure what this has to do with him, “But that’s not the case with Y/N, though, she’s fine. I reckon it’s because I have the Elder Wand too, you know?”

Hermione sighs. “Harry, that’s not the Y/N you lost. She’s different. I think she’s closer to a ghost than a person.”

“No,” Harry says unsteadily, “She’s just like I remember, honestly. I don’t know what you’re talking about. She’s nothing like a ghost.”

Hermione takes a slow breath in and out. She’s obviously fighting tears. “That’s because she hasn’t been herself lately, even before she– even before she died, Harry. The war has been hard on all of us, but her especially. It’s taken quite the toll on her, so much so that you would see a ghost of the girl you knew and still think it was her.”

“That makes no sense,” Harry protests, but a persistent feeling of doubt is starting to shadow his mind.

“I can prove it,” Hermione insists, and reaches into her pocket to pull out a photograph.

Harry holds it in his hands and stares. He remembers the moment this photo was taken more than he recognizes the actual people inside of it. This was one of the last days they had to themselves before the war broke out in earnest and everything went to hell. It had been in the spring, all four of them in the Gryffindor Common Room. Colin Creevey had taken the photo while they were unawares and to punish him, they’d confiscated it. Harry had no idea Hermione had held onto it, but now he’s pressingly grateful that she had.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione all look the same, albeit a little younger, a little less beaten down, but Y/N– the Y/N in this photograph is nothing like the girl he’d just seen. This Y/N is vibrant, laughing uproariously at a joke one of them has just told. The version of her in the photograph turns with a start when the photo is taken, but she’s still grinning up at him, still happy. Harry feels as if a saturation charm has been cast upon the photo, it’s the only thing that would explain why she looks so bright and alive here.

Alive, unlike how she looks right now, because she isn’t. Harry had tried to bring her back, but it hadn’t worked completely. Just like in Lovegood’s story. He thinks back to the past few months and he remembers how Y/N had been, how the light had slowly drained from her. The constant running had been hard on all of them, but it was worst of all on Y/N. She was the one forever thinking of new places to go, new things to try, wearing the locket for the longest, never putting up a fight. Slowly but surely, it had coaxed the life out of her, so much so that Harry couldn’t even tell when she was just a shade he had brought back from the dead.

Hermione nods slowly, seeing that Harry understands at last. “I’m sorry, Harry. I’m so sorry.”

“So am I,” he murmurs bleakly.

“Are you going to end the enchantment?” She asks him.

Harry feels like he’s drowning, engulfed in the ash and flame surrounding him. “I will. Just– let me say goodbye first.”

“Of course,” Hermione says. “We’ll be here when you need us.”

It’s more than he can ask of her right now, both to pull him out and to support him when he’s reeling from the shock of it all. They must be devastated too, Hermione and Ron, both of them have friends here who have died in this final battle and throughout the whole war, but they’re putting him first again. He’ll never be able to thank them enough for that, but he can try.

An idea occurs to him as he walks over to Y/N. He’s still got the Elder Wand in his pocket. He hadn’t needed it for the Resurrection Stone, he hadn’t even been touching it, but maybe– just maybe–

He casts a quick summoning charm to bring his invisibility cloak over, then pulls the Resurrection Stone out of his pocket. The Elder Wand in his other hand completes the triad. All three Deathly Hallows, all together at last. Dumbledore had wondered what having all of them together might do, how one might finally become a Master of Death. He had mused once that perhaps one had to accept the inevitability of one’s own death, to brush it off and greet Death as an old friend, as the third brother had done in the tale.

Harry has done this already. Died. He accepted it then. Facing Y/N, he accepts it now. He may die from doing this, but it would be alright. Y/N deserves to live. Harry embraces his fate, whatever it may be. He has the Hallows, but he would give them up for her, he would give up anything. Even himself. He has not meant a spell like this before, except once, and he swears he never will.

There’s a sudden rush of wind around him that forces Harry’s eyes shut, just for a moment. When he opens them, Y/N is still there, but she’s a shade no longer. This time, when she surges forward and hugs him, he feels the embrace completely. 

“It’s really me,” she laughs, shocked, “I don’t know how you did it, Harry, but I’m really back.”

“You promise?” Harry gasps, half choking on his own surprise.

“I promise,” she smiles.

Harry glances back over his shoulder to where Hermione and Ron are watching with dropped jaws. One look at his friends is all he needs to know at last that yes, this is real. He’s finally won. The Dark Lord is dead. His love is alive.

At last, at long last, the last of his burdens disappear into the faint light of morning. Harry Potter is free.

harry potter tag list: @rogueanschel, @cameronsails, @neewtmas, @lovesanimals0000, @with-inked-solace, @sher-lokid7, @eclliipsed, @frenchgirlinlondon, @23victoria, @ilovexavierthrope

all tags list: @wordsarelife

[sunsh1n3s]

okay so what if don takes reader on a night boat ride and then he kisses her? just like joe did with joyce in the movie?

idk i feel like he’d be so shy but yet so cute… like imagine him asking her out, he’d be so blushy 🫠

— lovely night. ( don hume x reader )

a.n. i love this i wanted to write this before you asked i wasn’t sure if anyone would want that. i’m so glad you asked for it.

contains. swearing? who knows. fem!reader.

don walked down the sidewalk, his hands stuffed in his jacket as the day was coming to an end. he had gotten the news he made it on the rowing team, and he was overjoyed. what he didn’t enjoy was the walk back to his temporary home in the cold, slightly intoxicated.

in front of him came a face so familiar, so beautiful. “y/n, why are you out alone?” he greeted. she looked at him, eyes blotchy and nose red from the chill. “hey what’s up?” he asked, placing a hand on her arm.

“stupid test. bombed it and parents are disappointed.” she mumbled under her breath. he knew little about her family, they were old partners in class; she got him to speak more than anyone in the school, it took her a while. because of that class, he was lucky to be her acquaintance.

whenever he spoke to her, he was a nervous mess. but the sight of her distraught stopped it all, he only worried for her emotions.

“the test sucked and he prepared us terribly for it. i didn’t do well either, y/n.” he assured, his eyes searching hers. “don’t cry. you’re too pretty to cry. hell- you’re even pretty when you cry.” he spoke, wiping her tears and pulling her into a hug. his face was red, and he couldn’t blame the cold once she saw his blush.

now that her tears stopped and she smiled slightly, he became nervous again. “do you- would you like me to walk you home?” he asked, tense now and red. y/n laughed a little and wiped her stray tears, “that’d be much appreciated.” she accepted.

and so they walked, side by side through the cold. “i heard results for the rowing team came out, did you get a spot?” she asked. don smiled and nodded, “stroke.” he answered. y/n smiled wide, “you did it don.” she said, bumping her elbow with his. “i knew you’d get a spot, you could hardly grip a pencil or focus on our labs. i had to do all the work.” she joked, making him chuckle.

“to pay you back for all your work, would you like to go on a boat ride?” he asked, looking at her. “now?” she asked, looking behind them as they walked away from the direction of the place he was always at. “oh- no not tonight no, we-we can go another night. if you’re free that is- or interested.” he rambled.

don stopped once she placed her hand on his arm, “i’d love to. i’m free tomorrow.” she agreed. he smiled, “tomorrow it is.” he said. small smiles stayed on their faces while they made it to y/n’s dorm.

“goodnight don, meet you here tonight?” she asked, he nodded and she smiled. she kissed his cheek and headed inside, leaving the boy blushing like crazy.

the evening came around, don waited outside the dorm for y/n. he held a small bouquet of flowers for her. girls passed with smiles, some even asked who he was there for.

he repeated her name so many times, that when she stood in front of him, nothing came to mind. as always, he was speechless at her beauty. “flowers for you.” he offered. she took them gently with a wide smile, “don you didn’t have to. thank you.” she said and smiled up at him. he blushed once again and started to walk. y/n followed as they made their way towards where he spent almost all of his time.

they spoke on whatever came to mind that night, either family, future, don’s rowing, upcoming events, whatever it was; they enjoyed it. everything y/n shared made don admire her more and more. from the way she smiled to the way she fidgeted with a leaf on the flowers. every little trait of hers was something so admirable.

they arrived and don was given a two-seater boat from george, he thanked him quietly as george watched the two with care. y/n greeted him and followed don to the water. she watched in awe as he carried it with ease, she noticed his muscles through his sleeves and the care he had for the boat. she helped with the oars, leaving the flowers with george. once don set up the oars, he stood with his hand out, "you first." he offered. y/n took his hand but stood there nervously, "what if the boat flips?" she asked. he let out a small laugh, making her smile at him through her nerves. "i'm serious." she backed up her claim. "it won't flip, y/n." he assured.

sighing, she gripped his hand as she slowly got into the boat, then sat down as quick as she could. don followed and got in, grabbing the oars and rowing them from the place.

he watched her watch the area around them, in awe at the sunset around the small lake; he blushed when she looked at him with soft smiles. after a while, don stopped rowing so he could speak to her. "you want to try?" he asked, moving a bit so she could move next to him. he watched as y/n contemplated it, "sure." she agreed and moved close to him, gripping his knee and arm as the boat moved with every shift she made. he chuckled at it and helped her relax once she was next to him.

y/n grabbed the oars and copied his movements, don's eyebrows raised in surprise as the glided through the water slightly. they didn't move too much, but it was enough to where he was impressed. "who taught you how to row? or at least slightly row." he asked, placing his hands over hers hesitantly to help them move more. "my brother, it was his sport when he was around my age. he taught me but there's no women's team yet and i'm too busy to master it." y/n spoke. don smiled softly at the glimpse into her life, "maybe you could lead a whole team of girls." he suggested, smiling at her.

"maybe." she replied, smiling at him.

the boat slowed as they stopped focusing on moving it. don's face close to hers made them both go red. y/n eyes gave him the answer he needed as she glanced from his eyes to lips. he leaned in slowly and kissed her gently, y/n returned the kiss and he let the oars go to hold her.

they pulled apart with smiles on their faces, y/n gave him a small kiss again. don fixed her hair and admired her beauty. "we should probably head back." y/n spoke, noticing how it had gotten darker. they both laughed softly and don nodded, "probably. hang on." he agreed, he turned the boat and decided to mess with y/n. he rowed at a faster speed, listening to her laugh and look at him with a slight amount of fear in her eyes. "holy shit, don!" she exclaimed, making him laugh. "i told you to hang on." he said once they slowed, she rolled her eyes with a smile. "didn't think you'd go pro rower with me." she teased.

the night ended with them walking back to y/n's place. don held her hand as she held her flowers. "thank you for a lovely night." she thanked once they stopped at her dorm. "always." he answered, looking down at her with admiration. y/n kissed him again, this time longer and less nervous. don returned it, yet he was more nervous.

they let go of each other for the night and don watched as she went in, waving goodnight to him. he waved back and once she was gone, he turned to let out a big exhale with a smile on his face. how lucky he was.

[mizuseyebrows]

even if you become a true oni or onryō —mizu x reader

warnings: not proofread. fluff. she/her pronouns for mizu. slight angst. insecurities.

includes: sweet and compasionate reader. 'weak' and vulnerable mizu. word count: 3.6k

summary: mizu has an anxiety attack after a mishap, but you're there for her

a/n: this is a sequel to this

You didn't understand what’s wrong. Only for a few minutes the two of you were separated and when you returned to Mizu's side, a whole gloomy and cold aura covered her. You could also see in her eyes that she was trying to hide something from herself. Anything happened? Did she have to face a battle? You didn't believe it, there were no traces of blood or sweat on her. What could be going on?

Now you found yourself with your head lying on her lap, staring at her face. You were trying to figure out what was underneath Mizu's stoic mask at that moment.

"I know what you see. Cut it." It sounded almost like an order as she growled, her gaze remaining staring straight ahead, as if she were studying the forest.

"And what do I see?" You asked in a soft voice, almost speaking softly.

"A half blood, half breed. Like a demon." She rolled her eyes as she spoke, making a disgusted expression with her mouth. "Not even a human, something worse."

"Is there anything worse than being a human?" You looked at her with surprise and curiosity.

"There is, being me." She spoke, but you could tell there was a hint of bitterness in her tone of voice. Then, she made a self-deprecating gesture. "Being something less than human, something no one can understand, something no one wants."

"Why are you saying something so ugly, Mizu? Do you really believe everything you're saying?” You knitted your eyebrows together to express concern.

"Why wouldn't I?" She scoffed, waving her hand dismissively. "They all called me a demon. Do you have any idea how it felt growing up? The way I was treated? People thought I was a freak, an abomination. Even my own mother... I could never live up to their standards, because I wasn't full blooded human.” Her voice is sharp and bitter, the usual edge that makes up her personality has sharpened into more than just annoyance. "They tried to kill me for being a girl. I have to pretend to be hideous man. And on top of all that, I am half blood. People have every reason to hate me, and I'll be a fool for not hating myself as well."

» "You want to know what the worst part is?" She spat, her hands curling into fists slowly as the words were practically dragged out of her. "People like you. People who seem to be so good, yet they still can't see behind my veil. You could easily hate me, despise me. I don't deserve to be happy."

» "I don't know why you're so nice to me... You're making me feel more human than I deserve to feel. It gives me a slight glimmer of hope that maybe I'm not a monster, but deep down, I know it's all a lie. I know that people will never accept me for who I am." She looked away; her fists clenched so tightly that they'd gone pale. "I don't deserve anything nice, and I don't deserve you. It's only a matter of time before you realize what a terrible, horrible, awful person I am."

» "I'm afraid one day, you'll come to dislike me. You'll call me a freak just like everyone else has my entire life..." her voice trailed off, and she let out a deep breath. "When that day comes... When you finally look at me as the monster I am... I won't blame you. It's what I deserve... but it would still hurt. So much." Despite her words, there wasn't a sign of emotion on her face, not even the slightest hint of sadness. "Just like a monster would, I'll get over it."

» "But I don't want to." She muttered, her breath catching in her throat. The coldness in her tone had melted, the usually stony expression replaced by a sad look. "I don't want to be treated like a monster. I don't want to be hated. The tears hadn't started rolling down her cheeks yet, but she was on the verge of crying. "No matter how much I hate myself, I don't want that. Even if I'm a monster, all I've ever wanted was to be loved..."

» "And I hate myself for that." She was trembling just a little bit, and tears were threatening to fall, but hadn't yet. "Every single day, I hate myself for still wanting to be loved and cared for, for even having any sort of desire. Because that's not how—I've got to be strong; I have to be... I have to be tough; I can't have a moment of weakness..."

Listening to Mizu's verbal display had you in mental limbo. You heard every word, every growl, every broken voice. You saw every frown, every snap of teeth, every grimace. But you couldn't process all that information. Your heart broke as she continued to express and degrade herself like that. You couldn't believe everything you heard.

You didn't even notice that you were crying, your face was completely soaked. It wasn't until Mizu stopped talking that she seemed to come back to reality. What could you say to all that? Where to start?

You shook your head, to fully alert yourself and to deny what she was saying about herself. "M-Mizu, there's nothing wrong with having a m-moment of weakness."

"There is when you're a monster..." she whispered. "Monsters don't feel pain... Monsters don't get weak... they can't. A-And besides, I'm not weak." She said, her voice coming out stronger than it had in quite a while. "I'm strong, much stronger than you could ever imagine."

You nodded several times, wanting to reassure what she was saying but you were interrupted by Mizu.

"I'm not weak." She repeated softly, the words echoing in the still atmosphere of the room. "I'm not weak, I'm not." She breathed in again, the strength and confidence she usually had was returning. "You think I'm some sad, pathetic creature that needs to be pities and cared for? Well, you're wrong."

"Mizu!" You got up from her lap and stood in front of her to grab her face and stop her. "Please stop destroying yourself like that. Just because you're half white doesn't mean you're any less human. You're not pathetic for having weaknesses and expecting affection. Please stop talking like that, you're hurting me."

She didn't respond, just froze when your touch was placed on her cheek. Her hands started trembling, and her breath seemed to get shakier with every passing comment you made. Still, she just stood there, barely managing to keep her expression relatively neutral as tears welled in her eyes.

She didn't say anything, there was no use in arguing with you. In her head, she called herself all those terrible things, but hearing you say she was wrong... It broke the last remaining sense of confidence and determination she had to keep herself upright, and she started sobbing.

"I'm so tired." Her quiet, shaky voice sounded on the verge of breaking as she choked back some more sobs. Her eyes were red as tears escaped and trickled down her face.

The cold, stony girl who always seemed confident and in control was now standing there, broken and defenseless. Her defenses cracked and fell, shattering to pieces as the emotional wall that she hid behind gave way to the flood of sadness that rushed in.

"I can't do this... I can't." She whispered, her voice starting to crack with the volume of her crying. "All I've ever wanted was to be loved... But no one would ever love me... If they...” She sniffled, trying her hardest not to cry again. "I'm tired of... being seen as some kind of freak... being thought of as a monster. I know no one would love me... I know that all too well."

When she looked up at you, the cold, sharp glint was gone. Replaced with a sad, pleading look that spoke of only one thing. "Just once... I want to be loved. Once... is that too much to ask for...?"

"I can love you, if you allow me. I want to be there for you in every moment. I want to hug you when you feel overwhelmed, I want to kiss your eyes, your lips, your tears... I know that you have been hurt all your life but, please let me show you that you deserve everything you want and expect."

She was so utterly stunned that she couldn't say a single thing... her mouth slightly agape, her eyes wide with disbelief as she processed your words. When she realized that you had been genuine... she broke down again.

The tears fell, and this time, she didn't do anything to stop them. She wrapped her arms around you, burying her head into your chest. "Please..." she asked quietly. "Love me... please show that you still love me even though I'm a monster..."

"You are not a monster, Mizu. You are not a demon or a freak or an abomination. You are an amazing person; you are an incredible woman. Let me help you change your perception of yourself." You stroked her hair lovingly and planted a kiss on the top of her head.

"B-But...” she mumbled, clinging to your torso. "Everything about me screams inhuman. Everything..."

She hung onto you tightly, almost as if she was afraid that if she let go, the harsh reality set in once more, and she would be sent back to the terrible realization that she was, indeed, a monster.

"What if I'm too much for you to handle?" She asked, the same small, fearful voice she used earlier coming back. "What if my problems are too big for you to deal with? You'll grow tired of me..."

"That won't happen, I already know your stubborn, obstinate, and headstrong persona." You laughed softly and gave her a kiss on the forehead. "I'll be able to handle this, I won't leave you alone at any time."

» "I'll help the pain go away." You cupped her face and gave her a soft kiss on the lips. "You know that I heal your physical wounds, right? That I always clean them, sew them and take care of them so that they don't get infected. Well, now I will help you heal the internal wounds, those that no one sees but that are the ones that hurt the most. But I will need you to let me do it, I won't be able to do it alone, we both have to work together, okay?"

"S-So you're going to help cure my internal wounds too?" She asked softly as tears threatened to come again. "And you swear you won't ever leave me... and you won't ever leave me and hate me... like everybody else?"

"How could I hate you if you have such a pretty face... What you hate the most about yourself is what I love the most. Your eyes are beautiful, Mizu." You leaned down to kiss her lips again, lovingly and a little slowly.

She was so taken off guard by the sudden action that she didn't react for a moment. But, by the second kiss, she was returning the gesture, her soft lips pressed against yours for a few seconds before she pulled slightly away to speak.

"You love my eyes?" She asked softly, with a hint of surprise in her voice. "Why?"

"What do you mean 'why'? It makes you unique, it adds exoticism to your face. Plus, it's the color of the sea and I love the sea." You gave her another short kiss and smiled at her. "And, I could swear your eyes shine. There's something about them that just makes them glow."

"People think that my eyes are demonic... a sign of my mixed heritage..." She murmured, a frown forming on her lips as she mentioned that word.

"No, don't think that your eyes are demonic. They are beautiful, they look like crystalline snowflakes." You kissed her lovingly again, taking a little longer and caressing her cheeks.

You could have stayed like that all day, letting your kiss never end... The feeling of her lips was like a drug, one you could get addicted to so easily...

Finally, after a few seconds, she pulled her face away from yours. She murmured your name softly, a blush slowly spreading across her face.

"Tell me..." You whispered against her lips and rubbed your nose with hers.

"Can we... do it again?" She asked softly. "That kiss..." Her eyes glanced to the side; her cheeks tinted with embarrassment as she struggled to find the right words. "Could we... please... do it again?"

"Of course we can." You nodded gently and gave her another slow, loving kiss, wanting you both to savor the moment.

She sighed softly and took in the feeling, the sensation of your lips pressed against hers. She could feel everything, the tenderness and love that was hidden behind the kiss, she could feel it all. This was everything she had always wanted but never had... Everything she had been denied by the world and fate... Every affection she felt like she so desperately needed. This was what she wanted. All she had ever wanted. To be loved.

After a few moments, you broke the kiss and looked into her eyes with a smile. You caressed her cheeks in circles and sighed softly. "You'll let me love you, right?"

She nodded, her cheeks flushing again. "Yes, I... I would love that, actually..." She murmured. She could practically feel her heart beating out of her chest, but as she looked into your loving eyes, she felt a little bit better. "Why... do you love me...? Why do you want me...? Do you not think I'm too dangerous? Too violent? Too much of a monster?" She muttered softly, her voice coming out hushed.

"Shh... None of that. You are very dangerous and violent but...I have to admit that that attracts me. You have a lot of passion inside you, but you are directing it towards your revenge and that is what makes you dangerous. Although, your passion is what attracts me the most."

She was stunned. Hearing those words, how her worst traits were what attracted you to her... made her feel odd. To know that her rage and hatred were somehow endearing and appealing to someone... it felt like she had been seeing a distorted reflection of herself all this time and finally saw the true her.

"Those... These are not good traits..." she murmured, then let out another small laugh. "I-Is that really what attracts you to me?"

"It makes you... an adventure, there is a lot of adrenaline. I know they are not good traits but that's who you are and I must accept you, although I will help you guide your passion to better goals. I promise."

"Thank you... I have to admit, I never thought anyone would ever find those traits of mine appealing." She murmured, a soft smile forming on her lips as her eyes started getting teary again. It was almost funny; how much she had hated herself for these very traits you were now praising and considering attractive.

"Maybe I'm the freak one." You laughed happily and stole another kiss from her. "Maybe I'm a little insane, but I love seeing you being dangerous—"

She leaned into the kiss almost immediately, eager to stop you from saying too much more. She knew exactly what you had meant, but there were just some things that she wasn't ready to acknowledge yet. She had thought that she would never find someone who would love her despite all her flaws, and here you were, finding even her most deplorable traits appealing.

"You love... that about me... don't you?" She murmured, just for a quick confirmation before she threw herself back into the kiss.

"I love almost everything about you." You responded to her between kisses, each time doing it with more intensity.

"H-Almost?" She asked meekly, but once again, her question was interrupted by a kiss. She was practically swimming in the sea of bliss that those tender lips were giving her, not even thinking or considering what she said as her mind got flooded with love and passion.

"There are still things I need to know about you, so I can't say I love everything about you." You whispered against her lips, tightening your grip on her face.

"Oh..." She muttered, her lips parting slightly as she took in a breath. "Will you still love me when you know every last little thing about me?" She murmured softly, her expression tinged with worry and a hint of hesitation.

"I will still love you even if you become a true oni or onryō." You sighed softly and looked into her eyes. "I'll be the mortal of those legends who tries to change the demon or the mortal that fell in love with the demon despite its nature."

The words you had just spoken made her feel warm inside. She had never expected such reassurance, such assurance from anyone. She was speechless, not knowing how to reply to your words otherwise. In the end, she let herself go back into another long, passionate kiss instead.

And you kissed her back with the same passion and clinged a little to her, caressing her scalp lovingly. But then you felt Mizu hug your neck longingly, which made you have to lower your hands to her lower back to bring her closer to you.

However, Mizu broke away from the kiss suddenly and looked away. You could see her doubt in her eyes, the uncertainty she felt at your words. You lovingly caressed her back and gave her a kiss on the cheek to get her attention.

"We'll take this slow, okay? I know that right now everything I told you won't erase what has tormented you your whole life, but we'll go slow, okay? At your own pace, if you feel like it's too much at some point, you can say so. If you want to do something different, we can do it. Is that okay?"

"I-It's okay..." she mumbled softly, her mind still trying to process everything you had said. "I just... I just don't know where to start..." She murmured, as tears started running down her cheeks again.

"Me neither, but let's let this flow, okay? Let's not rush anything, we'll just let everything go at the pace it should go." You caressed her cheeks and wiped away her tears.

"Thank you..." she whispered softly, her breathing starting to slow down again. She had never taken things slowly before, she had always been impulsive, always rushed to the next part without taking a moment to stop and think. "But... it's kind of hard to take it slow when you kiss me and do things like that so passionately..." She mumbled, her face getting red again.

"That's my mistake. If you want, I can stop doing it to go slower." You laughed softly, blushing too.

"Can we... keep on doing it... but just a little slower... a little less... intense..." She murmured softly, her eyelids slowly closing as she tried to think of the right words.

"We can do that. I like to kiss you slow and loving." You nodded several times, still smiling.

"Can we... um..." she muttered, not knowing how to ask for what she wanted. "Can we just... sit in silence for a while... while you hold me close and... just stroke my hair and stuff...?" She murmured, her face getting even more red when she realized just how needy and clingy she sounded.

You felt something inside you explode and stir at how cute Mizu had sounded. You couldn't help but bite your lower lip in excitement and nodded several times. "Of course, of course, of course." You sat behind her and made her lean against your chest to stroke her hair the way she wanted.

She gasped softly as she felt your arms wrap around her and pull her back against your chest. For a few moments, all she could do was enjoy the feeling of your gentle touch and the calm, steady rhythm of your heartbeat. She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, relaxing as she felt your fingers move through her hair, as if she was some small, helpless animal being comforted by their parent.

The feeling was incredible and she savored every moment of it, letting out a soft, contented sigh as you kept stroking her hair.

"Thank you..." she murmured, her body leaning even further into you as she breathed a little slower. She felt so safe in your arms, so warm.

"You have nothing to thank." You whispered to her and kissed her temple, tightening your arms around her.

The kiss on her temple caught her by surprise and she gave a soft gasp, her eyes widening slightly, but she didn't care and simply leaned back against you even more. The sensation of your arms around her was indescribably comforting, something she didn't think she would ever experience but now all she wanted was to stay like that forever, to stay sheltered and protected and loved.

She let out a soft whimper, your kiss once again sending a shiver down her spine as she felt your tight embrace. She pressed herself even further against you, almost as if she wanted to bury herself in your arms, to melt into your embrace and become part of you. She didn't want to let go of your embrace, not yet, not any time soon, not until she had completely accepted the warmth and the affection that you were now showing her.

[noroi1000]

Limitless power for you

Paring: curse Gojo x fem reader (human)

Warnings: Slight Yandere, depression, death

"Satoru please... Come back to me..." you murmured as you curled up in the pillow.

The days without him passed inexorably.

Especially after you found out your Satoru died.

Your life was less important than his. Then why did he die instead of you??

Why did he go somewhere without telling you where.

And then you found out that your beloved boyfriend died...

Someone killed him? Or something?

You couldn't find out. You were an ordinary man.

His superiors judged you for not being a sorcerer. They even threatened you. They blamed you for being the cause of Gojo Satoru's death. The strongest sorcerer.

Even though you can admit they were almost happy in some way.

At last, whoever was breaking their rules so much is now gone.

And they don't have to deal with it.

There will be someone else to replace him. Someone else special grade.

Besides, he was blamed by other superiors. Because it was after his birth that more and more powerful curses began to appear. Just to keep the balance of power.

So now, when an even stronger curse appears, who could save the world?

You wondered why you didn't live in your house.

Why did you run away to your apartment?

Maybe it's because everything in your house reminds you that he was with you.

Here you see everything related to it. Your shared moments.

But unfortunately. You have to move out of here tomorrow.

Tonight is the last night you can sleep here. There are other people who rented this apartment instead of you.

You had until the end of the month. Today is the last day.

Tomorrow others are coming to live here instead of you.

You must leave the house tomorrow morning. And you won't be able to come back here again.

You have another house. Your beloved house where you live with Satoru.

But he's not there anymore...

All your stuff is there.

But you were too afraid to be there.

Too much.

The house is so sad and quiet without him.

How are you supposed to live there in such a big house all by yourself?

It will be a terrible feeling of loneliness.

You don't want anyone else. You just want your Satoru.

You want him to come back to you.

All your stuff is there.

But you'd rather sleep here with no covers and nothing to take than to sleep in a cold bed without Satoru.

Tomorrow you will have to face this cold. With loneliness in bed.

"Toru... Why did you leave me...?" you groaned, crying into the sleeve of your sweatshirt.

You hoped to at least fall asleep.

"I didn't leave you at all. I'm here with you. And now... I always will. It's sad that you don't even know that I'm looking at you..."

He sighed. But then a crazy smile appeared on his lips.

"Now you'll be mine forever... I'll never be defeated again, and you'll be mine forever... Come home... And then you won't leave, baby~ we'll always be together~"

You must have left the house before the new owners came.

The only thing you know about them is that they are two guys who rent the apartment that used to be yours to be closer to school and work. students...

Before anyone came, you left there. Leaving everything as it was supposed to be from the beginning. Empty.

You went back to your home.

To even more empty space.

So cold and lifeless...

Is it worth living without Him at all?

Your dreams that night told you that you would be cursed.

That's how Satoru described it to you.

That when you're cursed, you'll even dream of curses.

You hate the feeling of being watched. And now you feel it even more. It's such a bad feeling...

Your dream...

Your dream was about something like that.

You were standing in the dark.

Eyes floated around you, watching your every move.

You also heard a strange giggle.

You really hate having nightmares...

Especially those.

You felt like someone was about to catch you. However, there was no murderous aura.

Nobody wanted to kill you.

And then the eyes flying around you got bigger. Six eyes that surrounded you.

Blue, beautiful eyes.

They all looked as if they were made of the most beautiful crystal.

And the color was the same as Satoru's eyes...

You felt warm. You didn't feel scared. You felt the way you always did with him.

You felt that he, even after his death, watches over you.

Like a real angel.

But he wasn't really an angel.

He was closest to a demon, and he wasn't quite going to the grave just yet. Or not at all.

Because he will never lose again. Because when he lost, he lost the ability to hug you.

And now, he will never let you be alone again.

What sorcerer could defeat a curse above special grade?

When he came out of his body, he felt so good. As if nothing was stopping him at all.

And it really was. Nothing limited him.

His energy was endless. He was immortal. He could do what he wanted.

Because nothing enslaved him anymore.

He had no rules to follow.

He didn't have to listen to anyone.

He didn't have to work for anyone, he didn't have to protect people even at the cost of his own happiness and life.

He could finally do whatever he wanted.

He didn't even remember what it was that kept him attached to the human body.

Ah...

You always held him. And he wanted you to keep holding him like that.

You kept him happy as long as you were with him... His happiness, his love...

So he will take what is important to him with him...

It will hold it even tighter. And he won't let anything take that away from him.

As a curse, he had no limits.

There wasn't even a chance that any sorcerer would defeat him. Even an entire army.

He saw everything. His energy was endless. He could control the universe. Every particle.

Instead of just knocking you unconscious like he did to you last night so you could sleep, he could enter a human sleep. To the human mind. Which he never wanted to do to you.

He could practically destroy the whole world with one move. Without any effort.

But why won't he?

Because you linger in his heart.

And you must have a place to live.

Since he can do so much now, he will find a way to make you immortal.

And you can live together forever.

What he received only increased his love for you.

He already had everything. He just needed someone to be with him.

He could kill curses. He could do what he wanted with people. Because he wasn't the same man anymore.

Nothing was stopping him.

All he wanted was that you thought you'd be his forever.

Nothing will happen to you. You will always be safe and happy.

He can materialize his body. So he can be like a man. Everyone will see it.

That's why it means you won't feel alone.

Mastery over the smallest particle and atom makes him create a body for himself. He's like a human. Everyone will see it. You will feel it.

He doesn't have the body of a cursed spirit.

He is a curse on a divine level.

He believed it most that the strongest creature of the universes could not win against him.

His domain, his innate techniques. That's all it was. Probably so powerful that it's too much.

Because his mere play with small skills was so powerful to do something no one had ever been able to do before.

For your safety, it's better to live with the world at peace. So nothing that can hurt you.

And he might have been hurt by your leaving.

In your dream, he wanted to show himself so much.

Hug you.

But he wanted to leave you a surprise. To meet his body. So you can really touch him.

He looks almost the same as before. His human form.

It's all because he absorbed parts of his human body from the morgue.

Has anyone noticed? No.

The illusion created with his techniques worked perfectly.

It was enough to use the energy of his body.

Only to sit in the same body as always at home.

Waiting for you with a cup of sweet coffee in hand.

He was like a man. Even if it wasn't.

He could live normally. And no one could see that his humanity was over.

He was just waiting for you to come home.

And he was waiting for your cry of happiness.

When you entered the house your eyes were red from all the crying you were hiding under the hood of your sweatshirt.

You left in the morning, so you avoided unnecessary crowds.

And you also disinfected from the bus ride. You just paid for a taxi.

When the taxi driver asked why you were crying, all you could say was that you lost someone really important.

He wasn't mean enough to read your mind, or even try to.

He didn't want to test his skills on you.

What if one of them gets you hurt? Or worse...?

He knew exactly that you were crying. But he couldn't do anything about it while you were away.

When you see it, you will surely be happy.

He was excited when you grabbed the doorknob.

He turned towards the door as he sat in the chair.

His sunglasses on his nose.

His eyesight is now even sharper and more sensitive.

He saw you in the dark of the night when you were sleeping. He saw everything. He hugged you lightly as you slept.

So he could see you in a whole crowd of people from afar.

As you closed the door, tears flowed again.

You've come back to the emptiest house imaginable.

Without him, this house has no life...

Before you turned around, you rested your head against the closed door, crying loudly.

After all, no one will hear you here.

Nobody will comfort you...

Or so you thought.

When he saw your despair, he really thought that he could show himself to you right after he came back.

Because now you're a mess.

All your emotions... Your body.

you suffer.

He always tried to make you always remember him.

That's why it hurts so much right now.

Because you can't forget any of his smiles.

When you saw him at the funeral yesterday, he wasn't smiling.

He died the day before yesterday.

Yesterday was his funeral.

He had no family.

The people who came were his students, his former teacher, and his friends with whom he worked. And you.

The person who grieved the most was you.

You couldn't really calm down. Your heart ached.

You didn't know that right after the coffin was closed, his body disappeared. Like an illusion.

And the real Satoru was sitting nearby, disguised as a cursed spirit, even if he had a body. He just turned invisible.

He very much wanted to appear for all of you and make you not cry and not be sad. Especially you, who got the strongest sedatives from Shoko, but you still couldn't stop grieving.

All his smiles mingled with his pale, cold face you saw.

Now, if you remember all this, it's such an awfully painful feeling...

You turned around when you heard movement.

You looked up to see the man in front of you. Tall, white hair.

This is supposed to be your Satoru.

"Honey..." he called out.

"Toru..." you groaned with your eyes wide open.

You had dreams...

More tears flowed from your eyes.

What is in front of you now is your Satoru... And all you can see in your mind is his dead body...

You hate your mind.

Why is he giving you a clear picture of him as if he hadn't died?

Don't you suffer enough?

With a silent cry, you whispered denials to yourself. And the eyes were waterfalls of tears.

You immediately fell to your knees, curling up on the floor.

"Why.. Why are you doing this to me..." you groaned. "Just kill me already..."

He widened his eyes at what you said.

You really don't think he's standing here in front of you.

You think you're just hallucinating...

Do you really want to die?

He quickly walked over to you and wrapped his arms around your body.

"I'm here, baby." He said softly. His voice almost broke. He hated hearing you cry. He hated hearing you say you wanted to die.

He'd heard too much in a few days.

"...I don't want to live without you...! Satoru, take me out of this world! I don't want to live without you with me...!"

His hands wrapped tighter around you.

"I'm sorry I'm going to do this..."

"No! Don't leave me! I don't want to –"

Suddenly he pressed his lips to your forehead, erasing your memories. From now until the moment before his death.

He will have to do the same with the others. With all Jujutsu society. To make them think he was always alive.

Only some will be able to know that he is a curse.

Because his superiors wanted to charge you with his murder, he should kill them.

"How fast do you think I could kill all my superiors now? They wanted to hurt you... So I can hurt them. Therefore, I have infinite power. I have this for you..." He said as your brain was momentarily clouded after erasing those memories. "So come back to me as you've always been... Smile at me. I will never leave you again. Even for a moment."

"Satoru? Are you home yet?" You asked, snuggling into his chest.

He has yet to instill in you the awareness that he is no longer human.

And it won't be difficult. Because you love him no matter who he is.

Hiding it will be easy.

When using cursed energy, his sclera turns black and his eyes glow more. However, he can always wear something to hide his eyes.

You can see his face always.

And only you can see its true form.

"Honey, I'm a curse." he said hugging you.

"But you're the same..." you moaned snuggling into his chest.

"I am. I just need to show you something. I know you can keep a secret. I know because you are wonderful. You're so perfect. Only you can see it. The way I was reborn."

"I love you. I missed you." You said, kissing his jaw. "Are you okay? Are you comfortable with... You're not human? Is something hurting you? How did this happen...?"

"I'm fine. Too fine. It's perfect. Now I can find a way to give you eternal life as well. And we'll be together forever."

"It's not possible... I wish I could be with you forever. But this... How can I help you?"

"I want to be a curse. I have a human body. You do not feel? My heart is beating. It beats for you. Only for you. I live because I wanted to live with you. I just absorbed the energy after death. The fact that you missed me gave me a chance to come back. To continue to live with you, I chose this. And now... Now we can be together forever."

"Toru..."

"I love you... Now look at me. And promise me you won't be afraid."

You knew his body had changed somehow. Increased a little. But it was still your Satoru.

He's back from a mission. As a curse. But it's your Satoru.

He looks the same. He's the same.

You looked at him as he pushed you away.

His white hair was the same. The shape of his face.

He was a humanoid curse.

His eyes were very shining. Black scleras. But just as beautiful blue. Like a crystal. The color was a bit sharper.

Another one opened under his eyes. On the cheeks. And also on his forehead.

When he smiled, you saw sharp fangs.

On his neck, a black vertical Japanese inscription - 無限 - Mugen - Infinite.

On the right forearm - 無制限 - Museigen - Unlimited.

On the left forearm - 無敵 - Muteki - Invincible.

His plain black T-shirt seemed a little tighter across his chest and arms.

He was beautiful.

"Aren't you afraid?" he asked calmly.

"No." You responded by placing your hands on his cheeks. Watching out for his extra pair of eyes.

He smiled, taking your hands.

Then suddenly you saw his extra eyes disappear.

"But I honestly prefer it. More places on your face where you can kiss me." He said.

You giggled softly and kissed his cheek.

"I'll show you something else."

You saw a black circle appear behind his back, which seemed to show the stars. And six big eyes popped out of it.

Around the largest eyes circled six smaller eyes. Each eye had another six. And each smaller eye had six more around it, which were the size of human eyes.

You thought those eyeballs were made of crystal, but they weren't real. And so it was.

They were all beautifully blue.

"Do not try to look into the pupil when they are shining. You remember how my domain works, right?" he said bringing your eyes to him. "When you look in the middle of the eye when they shine more and seem to sparkle with the stars, they cause the same thing as my domain. I've tested it on curses I've encountered."

Why was he so beautiful. But if you met him and he wanted to kill you, you'd be scared.

Surely.

But he will never hurt you.

"Say you love my eyes please. I always love hearing your voice, mochi~."

"Must I?" You laughed with a small blush.

You don't want to increase his ego.

"I know you love my eyes." He said laying his head on your breasts as he looked into your eyes.

His black sclera contrast nicely with his skin, hair and eyelashes.

You ran your hands over his throat. After the inscription 無限 (Mugen). Enjoying the warmth of his skin.

"I love you." He said purring.

Then his body shrunk slightly, the marks on his body disappeared. His sclera turned white. But the crystal blue was the same.

The eyes behind him evaporated. And you stayed with him as if he was still human. But he is not.

Now he can do more. You can. You can live together as you like.

And no one will ever threaten you.

[blushweddinggowns]

Part 2 to this!

Eddie had never considered himself to be a lucky person. Could anyone really blame him? For one thing, he was eaten alive last year. And that wasn’t even counting the fact that he had been a twenty-year old, drug-dealing highschooler before he was sent to literal hell. All after witnessing multiple horrifying homicides. 

But now that he had Steve Harrington on top of him, shoving his tongue down his throat like his life depended on it, he felt like the luckiest man in the world. 

Part of him still couldn’t believe that it was happening at all. He had been fully prepared to just play the part of the pining best friend and suffer through his unrequited crush. He even convinced himself that it would slowly disappear after he got off the high of seeing Steve all bloody and gorgeous in an alternate reality.

But it didn’t. It just got worse and worse. Eddie’s crush just bloomed into a full-blown love. Because Steve Harrington was nothing like he expected. Eddie had never experienced this much whiplash when getting to know someone before. Steve went from highschool bully, to a monster fighting badass, and landed on an adorable, snarky goofball who Eddie basically wanted to spend the rest of his life with. 

It had felt like such a long shot when he asked the question. The question that had been haunting him for months, but Eddie couldn’t help but ask. Not after everything he’d seen. At first he thought it was all in his head, just his overactive imagination trying to convince him he wasn’t alone in his feelings. 

But then he started noticing things. Like how Steve was always available to him, even when he had better options open. It was around the third time he witnessed Steve tell a pretty girl, “Sorry, I have plans tonight,” for him to raise a brow. Because the only plans he ever had was doing stupid shit with him. 

It was when he actually rejected Nancy in favor of getting high and listening to music in Eddie’s room that he got optimistically suspicious. It made him pay more attention, the little voice inside his head was getting louder and louder, that told him, maybe, just maybe, Eddie wasn’t the only one in love here. 

So Eddie let himself get a little bolder, terrified all the while but determined to figure out what was going on here. 

It was small things at first, touches that he would let linger. A hand on Steve’s waist when they puttered around the kitchen together, always giving him a little squeeze before he let go. Brushing his bangs out of his face, his hand curling around his ear before pulling away. Resting his head in Steve’s lap when they were sprawled out on the couch, talking about nothing and everything for hours. 

He didn’t miss the way Steve’s cheeks would redden at every touch, or the sweet little smile put on when he thought Eddie wasn’t looking. It made him feel emboldened, and terribly hopeful. 

So he let himself do more, obvious things that were not normal between two male platonic best friends. He waited until night, because despite what Steve said Eddie was not a brave man. At least then if Steve rejected the hell out of him, he’d never have to see his face. 

In theory it should have been easy. They shared a bed almost every night anyway, Eddie always making easy excuses to explain away why Steve didn’t need to go home. 

It was too late, it was cold outside, the trailer was closer to his work anyway, he could still be high from a hit he took two hours ago, Eddie wasn’t above a single excuse. And Steve never complained, he’d just nod along, agreeing to whatever stupid thing Eddie could think of for the night. 

They slept back to back, trying to hold onto some semblance of normal between them. And Eddie would be lying if he said the thought of breaking it didn’t scare the hell out of him, but that didn’t stop him from draping an arm over Steve’s waist one night. He had pulled him against his chest, heart on the verge of exploding as he waited for Steve’s reaction. 

He hadn’t expected him to turn over in his arms, and Eddie had been almost sure that he was doing it to ask him what the fuck he was doing. But Steve just sighed, all relaxed and happy as he snuggled into his chest, wrapping his own arm around Eddie’s waist.  They woke up tangled together, happy and restful. 

They never talked about it, but every night when Eddie opened up his arms, Steve went right into them. And God did Eddie love it, he loved him. And the idea that there was any chance he could be with him and he wasn’t taking it, was killing him. So he took a shot, and asked the question that had been plaguing him for months. 

And it fucking worked. Here he was, vindicated and rewarded with the most handsome, funny, kind boyfriend to ever live. In all honesty, not that much changed between them, considering how they were basically dating back when they considered themselves “friends”. But now there was the added bonus of being able to kiss the living hell out of him whenever he wanted. And the fact that Steve had apparently been holding out on him, because overnight he became the clingest cuddler Eddie had ever had the pleasure of knowing. 

Whether that be hugs from behind, arms draped around his neck in bed, or Steve clambering up into Eddie’s lap whenever the opprunintuity arose. And it was so fucking cute it made Eddie feel like he could die from happiness. And when he returned the favor, Steve would just melt. A hand on his thigh while they drove, an arm around his waist at friendly get togethers, any small touch was enough to make Steve a blushing, gooey mess. 

The whole thing was amazing and Eddie had never been happier. 

There was just one problem. 

For the life of him, Eddie couldn’t stop making him cry. 

The first time, he understood. It had been a bit of a dick move on his end, to force Steve to admit his feelings because Eddie was too chicken-shit to do it himself. He should have thought about that and he'd apologized more than once for the way he handled the whole thing, even if Steve insisted it was more than fine. He just…never wanted to be the cause of that sad, dejected face ever again. 

But then he did it again, completely accidentally. It had been a lazy Sunday morning, the both of them deciding to sleep in until someone from the outside world forced them out of bed. Eddie woke up first, blinking into the late morning light. Steve was draped across his chest, still sound asleep and only slightly drooling on him.

Eddie ran a hand through his tousled hair, completely lovestruck. The small movement was enough to have Steve shift against him, mumbling about it being too early to wake up. But Eddie was already trailing his hands down his back, more than ready to tickle him awake if need be. And it worked, it always worked, because the next thing he knew Steve was batting his hands away, a tired laugh escaping as he finally opened his eyes. 

He groaned as he blinked into the light, pouting up at Eddie as he rubbed his eyes, “You’re lucky you’re pretty Munson. Or I would have kicked you out of bed by now.”

Eddie grinned, wrapping his arms around him a little tighter, “You’d kick me out of my own bed? That’s cold Stevie.”

“My bed now. A consequence of being with me,” Steve laughed, snuggling closer, “It’s in the contract.”

The snarky comment on his tongue died the second Eddie looked down at him. Steve just looked so…relaxed. Unfairly handsome and happy to be there, tracing patterns along Eddie’s bare chest. He was struck with the realization that he wanted this for the rest of his life. Just Steve, with his bed-head and sleepy smile. Eddie had to look away, staring up at the ceiling as he was suddenly overwhelemed by just how much he loved this guy. 

The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, embarrassingly earnest, “I think you’re the love of my life.”

Steve was quiet, but he could feel him nodding along as he traced Eddie’s collarbone. For a second, Eddie thought he just hadn’t heard him, and was doing that thing when he pretended like he did. He was a few seconds away from teasingly calling him out for it when he heard it. A soft sniffle, accompanied by a wet feeling, dripping onto him. 

Eddie glanced down, eyes widening at the sight of Steve wiping his tears away, trying and failing to be quiet about it. 

Eddie sat up, slightly panicked as he dragged Steve up with him, “Steve? Baby, what’s wrong? Was it what I said?”

Steve let out a wet laugh, “Not at all. I-fuck, Eddie I think you’re mine too. I swear this hasn’t happened before.”

Eddie was too worried to show how ecstatic that confession made him feel. He held Steve’s face in his hands, wiping away a few tears with his thumbs, “But you’re okay?”

“I’m fine, I swear.” Steve sighed, leaning into the touch, “I’m just being a fucking weirdo.”

“My weirdo.” Eddie corrected before kissing him, the salty taste of his tears be damned. Eddie reasoned that he was probably just overwhelmed, which was normal, considering how Eddie was speedrunning the pace of their relationship. It was a fluke, and that was fine.

But then it happened again. 

It had been a completely normal day, no fights with anyone, no problems at the video store or with any of Eddie’s clients. They were watching a movie on the couch, Eddie’s head resting in Steve’s lap as Fame rolled on in the background. Steve was braiding his hair, absentminded as they commented on the muscial, both agreeing that Robin had really oversold it. 

Though Eddie was a sucker for the New York based movies. He used to dream about running away there when he was a teenager. Working and playing in dingy bars until he was magically discovered and skyrockerted into stardom. But now, at the ripe old age of twenty one, he was much more interested in going wherever Steve would follow. 

He watched the screen, mind wandering as he asked,  “Where would you want to go when we leave Hawkins?”

The hands in his hair paused for a split second before Steve answered, “W-what do you mean?”

“When the kids graduate,” Eddie continued, missing the stutter in Steve’s voice, “We won’t really have any reason to stay here right? It’s probably about time that Wayne got the bachelor pad back anyway.” 

“You…you want to live with me?”

Eddie let out a small laugh, rolling his eyes, “Babe, I don’t know if you’re aware but we kind of already live together.”

He watched the screen, someone whose name he forgot was starting another monolouge, “New York is a bit much, but Indianapolis could probably work. Somewhere with some options, y’know?”

Steve cleared his throat above him, fingers still working in his hair, “Y-yeah. Sounds good.”

Eddie smiled, pleased as he went back to trying to follow the plot. Then he felt something wet hit his cheek. He scrunched his nose up, confused as he shifted to look up at Steve, heart jumping when he realized what was happening. 

“Holy shit, don’t look at me for a minute.” Steve groaned, covering his face with his hands, failing to hide his sniveling, “Seriously, just ignore me.”

Eddie sat up, ignoring Steve’s protests as he pried his hands from his face, “What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing!” Steve insisted, avoiding Eddie’s eyes, “I swear, I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me.”

“Sweetheart, if moving in together is too much to talk about that’s fine-”

“No!” Steve interrupted, voice loud in the small space between them, “I-I mean, that’s not the problem. Of course I want to live with you.”

“I don’t want to pressure you-”

“You’re not,” Steve insisted, grabbing Eddie's hands. He squeezed them, warm and comforting, “Whatever is wrong with me has nothing to do with you, or us. I swear.”

Eddie nodded, even if the worry didn’t fully leave his head. He couldn’t help it, because it just kept happening. Eddie was averaging on making Steve tear up at least once a month and everytime he would insist he was fine. That it wasn’t Eddie’s fault, he was just being a freak. 

It’s not like Eddie minded. In fact he kind of liked comforting him. And it didn’t help that Steve was fucking adorable when he cried. With his scrunched up nose and pretty wet eyes, Eddie was more than happy to be the one to kiss his tears away.  

He just wished he could figure out why it was happening, because despite what Steve said, he knew that he was the cause. It only happened when they were alone together, usually right after Eddie said or did something particularly mushy. He just wanted to know what he was doing wrong. 

It was starting to keep him up at night, and as embarrassing as it was, Eddie was having anxiety nightmares about Steve leaving him for someone who wasn’t making him weep on a semi-regular basis. 

Eddie blinked into the night, waking up from another one of those stupid dreams. He blindly reached over for Steve, his hand hitting the empty mattress with a thud. Eddie groaned, assuming he was in the bathroom, but knowing there was no way he was getting back to sleep without having him next to him. 

Eddie stood, deciding to get some water while he waited for him to come back. He stepped out of his room into the dark hall, cocking his head at the odd scene in front of him. The phone cord was stretched from the kitchen to the bathroom, peeking out through the half cracked door.  

Eddie stopped infront of it, curious as he made out what Steve was whispering through the phone, "Robin, if I cry in front of him one more time I'm going to have to change my name and flee the country."

Eddie snorted behind his hand, quiet enough to not be heard. He leaned in a little closer, fully aware that he should just turn around and not be an eavesdropping dick, but…if he could just find out why Steve kept crying, maybe he could actually do something to stop it. 

"I'm not telling him. I'm lucky I haven't scared him off yet as it is."

Eddie frowned, confused. That didn’t make sense, there was nothing Steve could do to scare him off, not after everything they had been through. Didn’t he know that? 

Steve sighed into the phone, sad and resigned, "I just…I don’t know how much more I can fall in love with him. When he ends it…it's going to fucking kill me."

Eddie could feel his heart stop in his chest. Where the hell did that come from? Sometimes Eddie spent half of his day just day-dreaming about their future, and here Steve was, thinking that he was going to end the best thing that ever happened to him?

"I know, I know. Maybe you're right. I love you too, I'll see you tomorrow."

Eddie backed away from the door, still feeling vaguely ill at what he’d heard. He slipped into bed, pretending to still be asleep when Steve eventually followed. He was back in bed for maybe five seconds before Eddie was reaching for him, tucking him tightly into his arms, like he could cuddle the doubts out of him. 

Eddie could barely sleep that night, mind-racing on what he could do to make Steve realize that he wasn’t going anywhere. It made sense, in the grand scheme of things. Steve’s parents were total shit heads who had no appreciation for the wonderful son they had. The only other person he’d fallen in love with besides Eddie ended up cheating on him, right after drunkenly declaring the fact that she never loved him back. 

And that wasn’t even mentioning his “best friends” who dropped him the second he decided to stop acting like a dick in highschool. Now that he was thinking about it, Eddie was kicking himself for not putting the pieces together sooner. 

Of course Steve would be worried about that. But Eddie wasn’t like them, he’d never be like them. In his head, the only way this relationship was ending was if Steve dumped him, not the other way around. 

If Eddie was extra clingy that morning, Steve didn’t complain. Even if he was making it a bitch for him to get ready for work. Eddie was still draped all over him by the time he was trying to get out the door, laughing at his antics all the while. 

“Someone’s needy today, huh?” Steve chuckled, prying Eddie’s arms away from his neck, “I’ll be back before you know it.”

“That’s not soon enough,” Eddie whined, going as far as to follow him to the car. He kissed him goodbye through the window, not giving a single shit who saw them. Not when it made Steve blush and beam at him. He waved at him as he drove away, a plan already forming in his head as he started his day. 

If Steve had fears, Eddie would just love them right out of him. No reason to make a big deal out of anything, not when Steve was already so embarrassed about the whole thing. He would play it cool, and slowly but surely alleviate all of the anxieties. 

That was the plan, but the plan went straight out the window that same night. Basically the second he laid eyes on him after stepping through the front door. Steve wasn’t even doing anything. Just sitting on the couch, lazily watching TV. But then he noticed him, gave him that bright smile, and the floodgates just opened.

“I love you.” Eddie blurted out, making his way towards him, “Like I really fucking love you.”

Steve cocked his head, confused but still happy to see him. He shuffled over for Eddie to sit next to him, “I love you too?”

Eddie shook his head, “I mean I love everything about you Steve. Everything.” 

Steve stared at him, surprise still painted on his face, but Eddie just kept going, aware on some level, that he probably sounded slightly unhinged, but he didn’t care. He needed Steve to understand, “I love how much you care about everyone. I love how you take care of me, and how you let me take care of you. I love how your hair sticks up in every direction in the morning, and how you get pouty whenever you wake up. I love it when you’re bitchy and you make fun of my music. I love it when you get too excited and scream at the TV over basketball. I love the little blush you get whenever I call you pretty. I love all of it, and I want it for the rest of my life. ”

Steve laughed, quiet and nervous as he looked away, ‘What the hell are you even talking about?”

But Eddie wasn’t having that. He grasped his face, tilting his chin up to force them eye to eye. The tears were already starting to form, but Eddie wasn’t worried. He knew what they meant this time, “I’m talking about how you’re the only person I’ll ever want. I’m talking about how I want a life with you Steve. You and no one else.”

The tears were really falling now, and Steve was looking at him like he ripped his heart out, versus perfusing his undying love, “You…you shouldn’t say shit like that Eddie. You don’t know how things will change later on.”

Eddie shook his head, steadfast, “I’ll never not want you. I’m serious Steve. You’re it for me.”

They stared at eachother, Steve searching his face as Eddie kissed his tear-stained cheeks, “I want to believe you.”

“It’s okay that you don’t yet,” Eddie murmured, “I’ll just spend the rest of my life proving it to you.”

Steve let out a weak laugh, pulling away from his hands to hide his face into the crook of Eddie’s neck, his self-proclaimed safe space, “You promise?”

Eddie kissed the top of his head, “I swear.”

It didn’t happen overnight, but it did happen. Their days together became months, months became years. Eddie never went a day without reminding him how much he was loved, Steve stopped waiting for the day that Eddie was going to leave, and slowly but surely, the tears stopped with it. 

It was ten years to that day, ten amazing years with the love of his life, when Eddie found him in their kitchen, making coffee and yawning while he absentmindely stared out the window, just as adorable at thirty-one as he was at twenty. 

He wrapped his arms around his waist from behind, kissing at his neck with a pleased hum, “You believe me now?”

Steve sighed, sleepy and happy as he leaned back into him, “Yeah, I think I do.”

[pinkcrocss]

Is A-Train "redeemable"?

I have been thinking about this discourse that people have been having, following A-train's actions so far in season 4. And I know we've watched A-train teeter on the edge of good and bad for the last 4 seasons (generally falling to bad more than good). But i think the revelations about Frenchie's character kinda add an interesting spin to this question.

We need to consider how much our personal bias towards the characters we have grown to know (their motivations, their trauma's, their back stories), is impacting moral judgments we pass on other characters across the board.

Atp, every member of the boys has crossed "the line" in terms of black and white morality, but we give them a pass because we are convinced that they are all truly good at heart, and that their cause is just.

However, when you actually break down the actions of said characters, it kind of paints a different picture.

What has A-train done, that we feel he has to atone for? (this is just going off my terrible memory, so forgive me if I miss some things)

He killed Hughie's girlfriend (through negligence)

He killed popclaw (at the behest of homelander)

He's generally pretty arrogant and doesn't care about the horrible actions of his comrades, until it affects him

He killed bluehawk (most people agree that was justified)

Since season 2, Frenchie's past as a hit-man was hinted at (with little Nina explicitly stating that he had also killed children in season 3). It's clear Frenchie never had a particular moral code when he was a hit-man (no women/children type limits). He was simply a hired gun.

We sympathize with Frenchie because we know he had a difficult upbringing with his abusive father, as well as his loyalty to his friends (Cherie and Jay), the boys and especially Kimiko. Him serving as a comic relief often, also adds to this empathy bridge.

But season 4 has actually shown us a glimpse of just how many lives Frenchie has taken in cold blood. A whole room full. Why are we rooting for Frenchie's peace of mind, while debating if A-train is redeemable?

Frenchie has killed more people than Atrain (supe or not) and as far as I know, A-train has never killed a child.

Would it be easier to understand the gravity of Frenchie's crimes if Ryan or MM's daughter was one of his victims? Because his victims are all nameless, we act like his crimes hold less weight.

And then he goes on to start a sexual relationship with one of his victims, while hiding the knowledge that he was perpetrator of his greatest trauma. I think maybe we overlook the sadistic nature of that act because we interpret Frenchie as a "lover at heart", a true romantic that was swayed by his feelings and couldn't help that he had fallen for someone he had wronged. Bruh. When Colin eventually calls Frenchie a psychopath, he's not wrong.

And what about starlight? Her hands aren't clean. Remember the civilian she killed in Season 2? How is that any different from the situation with A-train and Robin? Yeah, it was an accident. In other words, negligence on her part. She needed to save Hughie; but why does Hughie's life matter more than that man. Her and Butcher were trying to carjack him and he had offered to call for help. He had a right to try to defend himself, and that bullet wouldn't have hurt her. That man was a father.

By the logic of why the boys are doing what they do, why we justify their murders of supes who have harmed them and their loved ones; if the child of that man grows up and hunts starlight down, would we need to root for that child to kill her?

Not so different from the shining light girl that keeps trying to kill Kimiko. From what was revealed of their backstory, Kimiko was the one who lured the girl into shining light. That's actually a common tactic of human traffickers, to use their victims (usually women and children) to lure in more victims cuz they seem less threatening. And obviously we can't fully blame Kimiko. She was trapped, brainwashed, and a child trying to protect her younger brother.

However, that girl also has every right to hate her. From her view, her life was forever taken because Kimiko chose not spare her (kinda similar to Gamora and Nebula). When Hughie said to A-train, "everything started with you!" we side with Hughie and we agree. So everytime Kimiko faces against that girl, why are we rooting for Kimiko? Wouldn't kimiko be A-train in that instance?

At this point, the only member of the boys who is still maintaining some Moral code is MM, and it's no coincidence that the show has made him seem pretty useless so far this season.

Btw, this post isn't a defense of A-train nor is it truly an indictment of any of the characters I used as examples. It's just an inconsistency I've noticed with the general fan discourse of who's "good" and who's "bad" on this show. Who is worthy of "forgiveness". Who's "redeemable". Redeemable to whom tho?

P.s. I'm not here to argue. Don't come for me cuz I critiqued your fave. I'm just thinking out loud. Feel free to respond/disagree, but if you're rude I'll just block you.

[astarioffsimpmain]

I'm sick, I feel terrible, and I'm having Halsin thoughts.

This is self indulgent, don't look at me.

○ I want to curl up against this man's chest and purr like a cat. I feel like death warmed over so maybe, just maybe, being so close to his strong and consistent heartbeat will make me feel a little bit closer to life

○ I just know he'd play with my hair, even just absent-mindedly. Braid it, un-braid it, braid it again, run his fingers through it, pet it (I'm gonna purr again, just you wait), etc. Honestly, if Halsin playing with my hair for hours didn't put me to sleep, I don't DESERVE to sleep

○ He'd find healing herbs to reduce my symptoms and help me get through my sickness a little easier. "Here you are, my heart. Do not drink it quickly, the effects will last much longer if you sip. Good, my dove."

○ If I felt a little better one day, he'd convince me to take a walk with him in the woods because "nature can heal all ailments." But he'd feel guilty for taking me out so soon when, by nightfall, I was wheezing again, my head aching so badly I couldn't keep my eyes open. "It's alright," I'd tell him. "Nature is just taking its time with me." He would still feel responsible, but he would know I didn't blame him, and that would ease his mind

○ In the evenings, he would insist on cradling me to his chest as he slipped into trance, not wanting to delve too deep and possibly miss something I might need upon waking. I would try to tell him I'd be alright for a few hours without monitoring, but he wouldn't have it, gathering me up against his bare chest. I wouldn't complain either, curling closer to his warmth as his strong arms surrounded me and protected me

○ When the fever struck and no amount of layers could warm me, he would wildshape into a bear and wrap his furry body around me like a living heated blanket, and only then would the ice in my bones abate enough to stop shivering and rest. When he sensed that my fever had broken, and I had started sweating into his fur, he would nudge me gently with his snout until I awoke, then would transform back into an Elf to pat down my glistening skin with a cloth

○ Once I showed improvement over the course of several days, we would step outside once again. I'd be able to tell how much he'd missed being amongst the trees, and I'd feel guilty for keeping him from it. But he would see it in my eyes and admonish me tenderly. "I chose to be beside you, my heart, and I do not regret it. Nature will always be there when I return, but I may not always be lucky enough to have your beautiful eyes looking upon me. I cherish every moment that they are."

○ I would promise him quietly, later on that evening when all was quiet and still, and we were wrapped up in each other with myself on the mend, that I would always do the same for him should anything - even something as seemingly trivial as a cold - should ever befall him. He would hum against the flushed skin of my chest and pull me closer, his lips pressing his answer straight into my heart.

[silvervioletvalentine]

🖤☠️Sick in love ☠️🖤

Pairing : Max Verstappen x teammate Cherrie!

Word count : 5k

Summary: - @be-your-coffee-pot so i have this little idea where like cherrie is like a driver for redbull right with max and they do not get along because they're both hard headed little shits. but this once before a race shes gets rly sick with high fever and what not and shes almost completely out of it during the interviews and press conferences and max cant help but yk coddle her a little bit. and they're on the couch with the rest of the drivers during the press conference and shes leaning against him and she just falls asleep and max falls in love lmao

Warnings/ AN- just fluff basically. Max and Cherrie are petty little bitches to each other . I hope you like it! @be-your-coffee-pot !! 🦋 I strayed a little tiny bit away from the plot but this is what I came up with in my sleep deprived , who the hell am I, how am I still awake. Oh my god it’s night time , form! So enjoy! It’s not edited because I can’t be bothered and that’s just not me. Lemme know what u think coxo

When Cherrie woke up that morning it was to her skin layered with horrible sweat , feeling like her blood was boiling yet as she wiped at her face with her trembling hand, all she felt was cold and clammy .

Groaning in misery to herself as she sniffled her way through getting ready , only managing to pull on a redbull hoodie before she was stumbling out of her room to see her assistant waiting for her , a look of concern immediately washing over her face at the sight of her driver .

Jenny gasped , taking in cherries pale skin and bright red cheeks.

Looking like a blushing bride despite the fact that Jenny had seen the most hottest of men flirt with her all summer, and not once had her cheeks even tinged with colour .

"You're sick." She stated the obvious in concern , knowing how stubborn Cherrie was and how much she hated being sick.

She liked to go into denial about it whenever she was ill, claiming that she was fine and that the flu and bugs going around never affected her. Like she was some superhero with powers to divert viruses and bugs from kids that never washed their fucking hands before touching things.

It was bound to happen sometime and yet Cherrie refused to admit it, she had work to do after all.

She didn't have time to be sick.

"I am not." She refused to be.

Head feeling heavy and the room spinning slightly as she clutched onto the table , blinking as slowly as she could as she tried to clear her foggy head.

"This is all Max's fault." She croaked out in distain as she let her body fall into one of the chairs heavily , sniffling again. Swearing that she saw the kettle move and dance out of the corner of her eye , but when she glanced over at it again. It had not.

She swallowed dryly , then winced to herself in pain as she felt sharp pin pricks in her throat .

"Fucking bastard." She sniffled again . Sounding like she had out a peg over her nose , barely able to breathe.

Jenny just rolled her eyes, hands on her hips , ready to hear what max had done this time to get the blame. Used to hearing the both of them bitch at eachother and about each other at every chance they got.

You would think that with max and Cherrie being teammates, that they would get along just fine . Both of them world champions and both of them leading nearly every race , always a redbull 1-2. And yet...despite everyone's wishful hopes . That just didn't happen at all.

Instead , Cherrie, with her usual attitude and terrible humour , had taken it up to herself to tell max exactly what she thought of him at the time.

Coming straight from Mercedes , she had not been his biggest fan at all.

But hey, she wanted to be a winner and she knew that redbull was the only way that she would be going fast enough to do so, so when checo was out , she was in without any hesitation.

And it might have went well had she been able to shut herself up. But Cherrie had a problem with keeping every bad thought and opinion in her head, having lacked a filter since the day she could say 'fuck' and 'you' in The same sentence.

Max just happened to be at the end of her target this time around and he was like a walking orange dot for her to focus on, refusing to leave him be. Going out of her way to annoy him, on and off the track.

She just couldn't help herself. It was too easy.

But it wasn't all her fault because max was exactly the same way. Both of them too stubborn and hardheaded , way too blunt with awkward humours that most other people just never understood .

They clashed like the red bulls that they were .

Max gave it back to her just as much as she did. He didn't hesitate in insulting her back, picking at every little thing that she did or said just to see the way she would immediately flare up and glare at him, threatening him creatively each and every time .

It was entertainment to him, he could selfishly admit it to himself . And no matter how much times Christian had tried to force them to bond and just be nice , neither of them would give in. Much too prideful to admit that they were both at wrong and that they were both just bullying each other for the fun of it now.

And maybe max wouldn't have been so bitter and upset if Cherrie hadn't started dating the biggest prick around after a particularly nasty fight they had.

Max , at the time, had stupidly took a low shot at her lack of relationships , telling her meanly that 'no man would ever want to put up with her bullshit'. When what he wanted to say was 'I want to put up with your bullshit but we can't stop bullshitting each other enough to even have a conversation.'

And he should have known that he hasn't won that argument when she just levelled him with a cold look and walked up . He had naively forgotten how petty she was . Because she had taken it up a extra level and come straight back with a brand new boyfriend to shove in his face , far too smug and pleased with herself as she watched the look of anger and annoyance on his face when she brought him to the garage , kissing him right in front of max until he stormed off in a rage .

He had dnf'd that race and things hadn't ever been the same since then. Their bickering and fighting had only gotten worse to the point where her assistant tried to pull her away from max as much as possible.

But only so much was possible at the end of the day . He was literally her teammate , it was in her contract to work with him and be around him. And that included doing videos and joint interviews together , she barely ever not go to see his stupid face. It was irritating.

"Where the ghost?" Cherrie croaked out , head pounding as she looked blearily down at the plate of food in front of her that jenny had made.

Her assistant paused, then blinked slowly "ghost?" She repeated in disbelief "what the hell are you talking about?" She looked around the room with worry as though an actual ghost was going to pop up and scare them.

But Cherrie just frowned back at her, looking equally as confused. "My toast. Jenny." She whined .

Jenny sighed loudly , hand on her face with worry . "You are so sick! Are you sure you're going to be well enough for today?" She worried .

Cherrie sniffled "but I didn't say that." She denied , slowly blinking . "I'm fine."

She then began to slowly eat her breakfast , toast included , in silence . Barely able to keep her eyes open.

Yet she still managed to let out a loud groan of misery when Jenny told her just who she was paired up with in interview today.

"No!" She whined , practically pouting. "Why are you torturing me like this Jenny? Don't you like me?" She turned into a baby when she was sick. Looking like she might cry as she peered over at her with wide eyes.

Jenny just sighed , used to her shit by now. rubbing at her head in stress. "Just play nice okay? Don't make this harder for yourself Cherrie. You're already sick, don't let max give you an even bigger headache than you have ."

Cherrie just groaned again.

Max actually paused what he was doing when he saw her sluggishly walk into the room, his brows furrowing deeply as he scanned her from head to toe. Worry tugging at his chest as he took in her dropped eyes and pale face , looking like a absolute mess.

He told her so "you look terrible ." He stated , shocked .

"What the hell is wrong?" He demanded to know coming over to her .

Cherrie just huffed tiredly , smiling a little because she has taken some strong pain meds right before they left the hotel and she could already feel them kicking in. Her head felt like it was floating away and her chest tickling like she was going to giggle.

But max was there, standing in front of her and looking at her like she had grown an extra head.

So she frowned back at him while scowling . "So lovely." She sarcastically replied "it's a surprise that you're not a virgin if that's how you speak to ladies." She said bluntly .

Max rolled his eyes , crossing his arms over his chest. Not taking his eyes away from her .

"It's a Surprise that you're not single. What kind of boyfriend lets you leave like this, when you're clearly not well?" He threw back at her, annoyed and hating that he felt so damn concerned in the first place.

He shouldn't care at all. She was a pain in his ass and practically loved to annoy him. So why did he want to carry her back to the hotel, wrap her in a blanket and cuddle her like a baby until she was well again?

That was a weird thought . He swallowed a little . Quickly pushing it away.

"I am single now." She let him know blandly as she pushed past him to head over to the couch set up for their interview .

"So I'm going to fuck all your closest friends." She told him with a grin, practically throwing herself down onto the couch. Yawning and sniffling , coughing too.

Max's frown deepened "you are not." Then he realised what she had said and had to fight back a smile . "He dumped you?" He sounded gleeful even to his own ears.

Cherrie glared at him for it "no!" She groaned out "I dumped him. He just wasn't scratching that itch anymore." She complained, giggling. Looped from the meds.

Max paused, then said "get a back scratcher then." Smartly like the ass that he was.

Cherrie just snorted "the itch is not on my back it's in my-"

Max let out a high pitched noise and quickly shut her up. Sitting down next to her. "Shut up! I didn't care. I don't want to hear it." He exclaimed , face flushing.

He then smacked his palm over her forehead , startling her . But his face was cold with concentration .

"You burning up! What is wrong with you?!" He exclaimed , worried. Brushing her hair away from her sweaty face without even thinking about it.

Cherrie slapped his hand away without missing a beat , "it's 'cause I'm so sexy. Like a fire ball. I am fire- so I'm hot- like- like.."she was looped and max didn't know whether to be endeared or scared by her behaviour . "Like the sun." She finished off , sneezing .

Max groaned a little , still frowning at her . Then the interviewer came in and he wiped the Worry from his face , not wanting the cameras to see him looking at her like that.

So he stared straight ahead instead , crossing his arms over his chest so he wouldn't do something as stupid as hold her hand.

"If you get me sick, I will kill you." He muttered.

Cherrie just snorted , coughing. "No you won't. You're too soft to kill me. You'd cry." She replied simply . Believing it .

Max just huffed but didn't bother to deny it. He may have enjoyed winding her up but murdering her was a little too far .

Maybe giving her a good shake  when she was acting up.

"Fuck you." He mumbled instead. Lamely.

Cherrie laughed "you wish. Grow balls first , i like sucking em." She joked.

Max went red , gasping and smacking her leg , flustered by her lack of filter. She had No shame at all. Giggling at the look on his face.

"There's something wrong with you Cherrie." Be hissed at her. Placing his hand over his cheek so that she couldn't see him blush. How embarrassing.

But come on. Hearing a beautiful woman tell you that she liked to suck balls was going to make any straight man squirm.

He was just a man after all. He wasn't immune to her beauty , just intimidated by her lack of charm, it was like dealing with the devil.

"Yeah." She looked at him like he was stupid "I'm sick."

He groaned. "So you admit it! You are sick!" He smugly responded .

But Cherrie just shook her head , sniffling agin. "I didn't say that."

"Yes you did!" He looked incredulously at her, mouth dropping open.

She blinked "no I didn't. Don't lie max. Your Pants can't take anymore fire."

He groaned.

By the time dinner time came around, Cherrie was well and truly sick of max verstappen. And Baffled and so fucking confused. Because he wouldn't leave her the hell alone.

He had taken to taking her temperature every fifteen minutes. Mumbling underneath his breath and forcing her to drink cold water when it didn't go down quick enough for his liking .

Then he was forcing her to tell him what she had been eating and if she had been anywhere that she could have gotten a deadly virus from. Hand cupped over her forehead in her worry , having followed her back around . Like a needy puppy looking for it's owner , Cherrie was exasperated.

She looked up at him in disbelief "I've only been where you've been max! What's wrong with you?" She moaned moodily . Head pounding.

She shoved his hand off her head , again, and stomped straight to the couch, laying on it. Closing her eyes and ignoring him.

He placed his hands on hips and glared down at her . Almost biting his nails out of worry the whole morning . She was clearly out of it , otherwise she wouldn't have even let him into her motor home in the first place.

It literally had 'no max fartstappen allowed' written in marker on the front . Yet here he was, and he was worried and trying to deny why he was so worried for in the first place.

It wasn't going very well.

And now he was making her honey tea and wondering if he could call out a doctor without her realising he had done so.

"Cherrie! You've called me maxie twice!" He exclaimed like that was enough evidence for Him

to be like this. Coddling her like a Damsel in distress.

She just shoved her face further into the pillow, frowning tiredly . "So?" She mumbled.

He huffed "so?" He scoffed while gently pulling her body up so that she would sit up right.

Ignoring her complaining and her glare, he lifted the teacup to her lips. Glaring back at her just as hard when she refused to take a sip.

"drink it Cher. It'll help your thirst. It has

honey In it ." He told her sternly , tapping it against her lips, not giving up.

She eventually gave in with a another stubborn groan, sipping at it while he held the cup up to her lips. Hand on the back of her hand to keep her steady so she didn't spill it. Like it was a totally normal thing for him to do.

It was not.

He continued in quietly "you've called me maxie and you usually call me asshole. So you're clearly dying." He stated. Serious as shit.

Cherrie sniffled, side eyeing him judgmentally . Heart pinching a little as she saw the way he was looking at her , his thumb rubbing soft circles in the back of her stiff neck without even realising it. Trying to make her feel better .

"Why do you even care? This is your fault anyways!" She accused him. Coughing.

He groaned, side eyeing her straight back. He should have known she would rope him into the blame somehow .

"how?!" He raised his voice a little then winced to himself when she winced in pain , quickly lowering his voice again . "How?"

She turned her stuffed nose up at him "you covered me in cold champagne in the rain!"

Max glared at her "because you won! Lando did it too!" He was incredulous .

She just  huffed stubbornly, because when In doubt blame a man . "But you did it with Cruel intention' you wanted me to get sick so you could win!"

He glared at her, taking the now empty cup away from her lips. Then flicking at her chin with his fingers making her flinch , wide eyed .

"I can win with you not sick, thank you! You think that I want to hear you whine about like chewbacca?!" He shot back at her. Annoyed at her stupid accusations. She was just grasping at straws, wanting someone to be annoyed at .

She gasped then , insulted . Wide eyes glaring  at him "I do not sound like chewbacca!" She cried out.

He smirked "you kinda look like him too." He said. Then laughed as she hauled a cushion at his head.

"Get out asshole!" She snapped. Too tired to shout.

Max just rolled his eyes playfully , watching as she laid back down. He placed a pillow in his lap, patting it. Casually

She ignored him.

"No. I'm not leaving." He stated seriously . Patting his lap again.

She side eyed him "I'll Hurt you." She threatened him. Sniffling loudly .

Her nose was red and eyes droopy, max felt his heart soften. She was always beautiful but now she just looked cute.

He stifled a grin. Knowing how much she would hate being called cute.

"What you gonna do? Sneeze on me?" He responded smugly . "Shut up. Come here." He patted his lap again, impatiently this time.

She let out a mocking laugh "fuckoff. I'm Not lying I'm your lap." She muttered, yawning, blinking and seeing three Max's.

She blinked hard again, and saw just one max looking down at her , sighing loudly at her stubbornness .

"I'll fuck off after you've had a nap." He promised her.

"You'll smother Me In My sleep." She let him pull her up and position her so that her head was in his lap instead. Too tired and head hurting too much to fight him on it physically  , but her mouth did.

"Bastard." She huffed.

Max just rolled his eyes , tapping his fingers gently against her forehead . "I'll smother you for real if you keep arguing with me. Just shut your fucking eyes so I can leave you sooner. You're getting on my nerves." He told her, twirling her hair around his finger. In awe by how soft it was.

She punched his thigh, he gently tugged her hair . She closed her eyes, huffing tiredly.

She was asleeep in minutes. And max didn't leave.

Hours later and she was still so sick and so tired and max was coddling her, it was weird and strange and they were getting looks from everybody that saw them together .

But she was too sick too care , just giving in and letting him baby her. She couldn't find it in herself to complain this time.

Maybe when she could finish a sentence without coughing her guts up , she would tease him for his level 100 clinger personality that had suddenly appeared .

The way he wouldn't leave her side, holding a flask of soup in his hand that he had made just for her after searching up a recipe on his phone when she was sleeping . He made her drink it from the small cup as they waited for their next press conference.

"You look like you're dying." He winced as she coughed horribly again "sound like it too." He added unhelpfully  .

She groaned a little, leaning into his side and sipping the soup slowly . Barely able to keep her eyes open.

"You loook like that all the time. What's your excuse maxie?" She weakly resorted back.

She missed the way his cheeks flushed at the nickname falling so easily from her lips, clearing

his throat and placing his hand on her arm to steady her. Just as Daniel saddled up to them, looking far too amused for his liking .

Cherrie paid him no mind but max saw the teasing look on his face and sighed long and hard ,

Knowing just what was coming.

He flushed bright red "what?" He defensively snapped at him already .

Daniel just laughed loudly "nothing!" He grinned smugly , then watched as max made her take some more painkillers. Taking her temperature again like a worried mother hen.

"You a doctor now?" He teased him.

Max just huffed "shut up." He muttered . "She's sick and I don't want to get sick too." He said.

Daniel giggled "then maybe you shouldn't be standing so close to her then. I'm surprised you're not giving mouth to mouth yet." He joked.

Then dodged the empty flask cup flying at his head. Laughing the whole time.

Cherrie was completely out if by the time the press conference was happening, body sagging against Max's on the couch. Not paying any attention and just mumbling her barely there answers , max answering most of them for her without missing a single beat . His media training kicking in perfectly .

Then she eventually went quite and he glanced down at her for a moment , feeling a heavy weight falling on-top of his shoulder. His eyes widening in surprise and cheeks flushing bright red as he noticed that she had drifted off too sleep on him, lips parted with small breaths. Frowning a little still in her sleep.

He gently smoothed the frown from her pretty face away with his thumb. Smiling a little to himself at the grumble she let out, squeezing his arm between her own as she cuddled up against him. Out if it, mumbling nonsense beneath her breath.

Then he looked up and caught Daniels eye,

His friend smirking at him as he held up his phone to take a picture for evidence . The other drivers looking between the two teammates that 'hated' each other in shock.

Charles was blinking at him In disbelief "but she called you a dirty, two faced, lying sloth last week." He was gaping, gobsmacked by the sudden change.

Max just flushed a even darker shade of red .  Not answering .

Then lando was giggling at him Knowingly  "-and you said that she was the most annoying person you had ever met. That you wouldn't touch her even if someone paid you." He pointedly glanced down at his arm around her shoulders and the way he was placing his hand Gently on Her forhead to check her temperature again.

He quickly dropped his hand and cleared his throat awkwardly "that was last week." He muttered , swallowing audibly .

Embarrassed to be caught acting like this in front of his friends. "And I don't need to be paid to touch her." I'd do it for free . Beg if I had to. He thought.

The sudden realisation was shocking and he actually flinched in shock to himself , hissing a little beneath his breath as he froze up just as she startled awake. Glaring up at him dazedly , hair sticking up and face sweaty. Delirious and sick.

"Max! For Fucks sake!" She whined , still

half asleep.

Pushing at his shoulder weakly . "Have you got worms you asshole?" She sniffled. Rubbing at her tired eyes like a child .

Max blushed , heart pounding in his chest as he just Looked at her with wide eyes, mouth gaping open a little bit.

Because what the fuck was this?

"Shut up." He weakly replied. Catching Daniels eyes again, his friends wiggling His brows teasingly .

He was So completely fucked. Oh my god.

The only problem with realising his feelings was that max had a problem with keeping his Mouth shut. The words were practically tearing at his lips as he carefully led her back to her hotel room, not taking no for an answer .

He made her another hot tea , placed a wet flannel over her head and tucked her into her bed without even blinking . Like this was normal, like he did this all the time.

He did not. But he wanted to.

He swallowed thickly as he looked down at Cherrie then , taking in her drooping eyes and red rosy cheeks, hair a mess on the top of her head. He felt his heart pound in his chest.

A year of being teammates  and it was just hitting him now ? Jesus Christ! What the fuck?

His mind raced just as fast as his heart was and he couldn't hold it in. He felt like his brain was going to explode.

"Cherrie?" He spoke up quietly after Clearing his throat awkwardly . Stood by the end of her bed still , hands shoved into his pockets as he looked down at her tired frame in the soft sheets.

She hummed, coughing a little . "Yeah?" She didn't even Open her eyes.

He took a deep breath and then without even thinking about it , his heart opened straight up.

"I love you." He blurted it out bluntly . Cringing deeply to himself as he did so . Face a permanent bright red as he tensed up, eyes wide and feeling like he was a bit to have a heartattack and keel over right in front of her.

His nerves got the better of him and he started rambling . "I mean- it's weird but I am so in love with you and that's why I was so mad when you got a boyfriend. Because I wanted to be your boyfriend and thats stupid because we hate each other-"

"We don't hate eachother." Cherrie simply

muttered. Still not opening her heavy eyes, but there was smile tugging at her lips.

Max swallowed thickly "yeah _ well-I love you. Okay?" He finished up weakly. Feeling sick to his stomach .

He watched as she took a deep Breath , shaking her head a little with a small smile on her face, cracking open one eye to look at him.

She hummed a little "max?"

He exhaled shakily "yeah?"

"Can you tell Me that you love when I can breathe through both nostrils again?" She casually replied. Smiling softly at him. Fondly.

Max rapidly nodded his head, laughing nervously  . Biting down on his bottom lip as he felt a rush of hope and excitement fill him.

"Yeah of course! Sounds good. Sounds like a plan. I like plans. Okay." He nodded his head again. Smiling widely at her.

Then he thumbed over his shoulder and awkwardly shuffled to the door "I should go. You need to rest." He stated , still grinning happily .

He opened the door, heart pounding in his chest. His head quick to snap back over to her when she quietly called to him

"Max??"

"Yeah?"

"I love you." She told him easily , yawning. Then coughed again. Ruining the sweetness but it was more than enough for him.

Max smiled giddily, laughing a little nervously . "Cool. Cool. Yeah okay! That's good- thank you." He rambled on. Giving her a thumbs up.

Cherrie laughed. Then coughed.

Max grimaced to himself at how lame that was , face a dark red by now. He hesitated at the door, about to leave.

"Can I-" he took a deep breath to gather his courage "can I kiss you when You feel better please ?" He asked her quietly, face hopeful.

His grin filling his face when she sleepily nodded her head. "Sounds like a plan maxie."

He sighed happily "cool."

"Now get out. Come tell me you love me tomorrow." She croaked . Already falling asleep again. The meds kicking in.

Max nodded excitedly . Feeling like a teenager in love all over again.

"Cool. Love you." He blurted out , happy. Then he slammed the door shut behind him, fist bumping the air as he laughed gleefully too himself .

Exhaling loudly  , he then held his hand over his pounding chest.

He sighed shakily "holy shit. She loves me." He breathed out. Grinning like a maniac .

Who thought that it would only take her getting sick to get them to admit it?

[foundheavenly]

Hello I wanted to ask about a fic with a dying SO in the arms of Geto,Gojo and Nanami?

If that's too much characters then I choose Gojo.

Thank you in advance

Slipping through my fingers

Disclaimer: English is not my mother tongue so please be nice

Words:

Pairing: gojo x reader, geto x reader, nanami x reader

Theme: heavy angst

Masterlist

Thank you for this requet but who hurt you??? I guessed I'm relieved that I like writing angst because I would have been a complete mess right now. <3

Nanami -

You were weak and battered, every breath feeling like a struggle against an invisible force. Kento held you in his arms, his eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"You can't leave me" Kento pleaded, his voice breaking. "I can't do this without you."

His heart was heavy with fear.

Right at that moment, his mind brought him back years ago. He saw himself back when he lost his only friend, the only person who had ever been his solace. He saw himself back when he lost Haibara. And right after this tragedy, he promised himself to protect those around him. He promised himself to protect you, to prevent anything from happening to you.

Yet here he was. His hands shaking and covered in fresh blood.

Your blood.

You reached up, cupping his cheek with a trembling hand. "You're strong, Kento. Stronger than you know. You'll carry on, and you'll make the world a safer place, just like we always dreamed."

Tears welled in Kento's eyes as he pressed his forehead against yours, your breaths mingling in the cold air of the room. "I can't imagine a world without you in it" he admitted, his voice barely audible over the sound of his own heart breaking.

"Remember when we first met?" you whispered, a faint smile tugging at your quiver and cold lips. "You were so determined to save the world from curses, and I was just a stubborn girl with too much curiosity for her own good."

Kento chuckled softly, the memory of your first meeting flooding back to him. "You were always getting yourself into trouble" he recalled fondly. "But you had a heart of gold, and I knew from that moment that I couldn't let you face the dangers of this world alone."

Your tired and dull eyes met his and you took a sharp breath. "Kento.." you whispered, your voice barely a whisper. "I'm sorry."

"Don't talk." He said firmly and choked back tears, his hands trembling a bit as they pressed against the wounds, trying to staunch the flow of blood.

You managed a weak smile, feeling a surge of warmth from his voice.

His thick fingers gently moved to your face and brushed against your cheek, his touch tender yet laden with sorrow. "You're going to be okay. You have to be."

You shook your head faintly and a faint chuckle escaped your lips, knowing the truth even as you clung to the last vestiges of hope. You weren't ready yet. You didn't want to leave him, not right now. Not when you were close to get married.

"You always were the optimist." You said, your voice barely a whisper. "But even you can't deny the truth forever, my love."

Your words got him.

Simply.

Quickly.

Terribly.

Tears spilled over his lashes, trailing down his cheeks in shimmering rivulets. "Nonsense." Kento insisted even though he was in pure panic, his voice cracking with anguish. "We will find a way. We always do."

It was the very first time his stern mask was breaking.

Your eyes fluttered open, the light within them dimming with each passing moment. "I don't want you to blame yourself." You murmured, voice slurred with deep pain. "This was my choice, my burden to bear."

You acted wtihout thinking. Wave of curses was attacking you over and over. Not sparring you nor him. You just shielded him with your body as he was getting exhausted.

"You are not leaving me." He said, desperation lacing his words. "I won't let you."

Your hand suddenly lost its grip on his cheek, the touch growing weaker with each passing second. "Remember me" You whispered, labored breathing. "Remember us."

"Always." Kento promised. "I will never forget you."

Gojo -

In the dimly lit room of an abandoned warehouse, the air was thick with tension and the scent of blood. Satoru, his normally blue vibrant eyes covered by his blindfold were now filled with worry, cradled you, his best friend, whose life was slipping away with each passing moment. The mission against the curses had taken a disastrous turn, leaving both of them battered and broken.

He was repeating himself that he couldn't lose you. No, he couldn't. Not you. Not after losing his best friend a few months ago.

With trembling hands, Satoru pressed down on the wound, trying desperately to stem the flow of blood. "Hang in there," he whispered. His voice choked with emotion. He was trying hard to keep in control. "We will get you to Shoko."

You managed a weak smile, the effort visibly draining you. "I'm not sure I can hold on much longer, Toru" You rasped, each breath a struggle.

"Don't talk like that" The white haired man pleaded, his heart clenching at the sight of your pain. "You're stronger than this. You've survived worse. Way worse."

A faint chuckle escaped the your quiver lips, tinged with bitter irony. "Guess I used up all my luck on those past missions, huh?"

Tears welled up in his eyes as he shook his head. "No, you're not allowed to give up. I won't let you."

In the distance, the sound of approaching footsteps echoed through the empty warehouse. Satoru's grip tightened around you, a mixture of fear and determination etched on his face.

"I wish I could have protected you better. I let my guard down." Satoru murmured, his voice barely a whisper. "I'm sorry."

You reached out, weak fingers brushing against his cheek. "You've always been there for me. That's more than enough."

Your conversation was interrupted by the arrival of Shoko, rushing to your side. Satoru watched helplessly as she worked frantically to stabilize you, her efforts a blur against the backdrop of your fading consciousness.

Shoko looked at Satoru and he understood.

Darkness closed in around him, he leaned closer, his lips brushing against your ear. "I won't leave your side" he vowed, his voice trembling with unspoken emotions. "I promise."

And in that heartbreaking moment, amidst the chaos and uncertainty, Satoru whispered words of love to the one person who had always meant everything to him, even if he had never found the courage to say it aloud before.

Geto -

"I'm sorry, my love" whispered Geto, his voice trembling with sorrow as he pressed his lips to your forehead. "I never should have let you take that risk."

Lying on the cold stone floor, gasping for breath, a weak smile graced your lips as you struggled to speak. "It was our job, Suguru. Our job to protect the world from the darkness that lurks in the shadows."

Tears welled in his eyes as he held you tighter, as if trying to defy the inevitable. "But at what cost, my love? At what cost?"

He couldn't lose you. Oh, he could be selfish and cursed you so you could stay by his side. But he won't do this. Not to you.

Your breaths grew shallow, each one a painful reminder of your condition "Some sacrifices are necessary. For the greater good."

His heart clenched at the words, a mixture of pride and despair flooding his soul. "I cannot bear to lose you," he whispered, his voice cracking with emotion.

"I'm sorry. I don't think I have much time left." You said.

"Don't say that.” He murmured, his hands trembling as he tried to stop the blood. "We will get you out of here."

"It might be too late for that." You whispered, your voice barely above a whisper. "The pain...is too powerful. It's consuming me from the inside."

Geto's heart clenched with despair as he realized the gravity of the situation. They had embarked on this mission together, determined to rid the world of the malevolent curses that threatened to engulf it. But now, faced with the prospect of losing you, his resolve wavered.

He was going to lose his mind.

He won't be able to live without you.

He can't lose you.

"We should never have taken this mission." Suguru murmured, his voice choked with regret. "I should have protected you."

You winced and reached out, grasping his hand with a strength born of sheer willpower. "Don't blame yourself. We knew the risks when we got to this school. And besides, we've met each other and I am happy I got to spend time with the love of my life."

His eyes glistened with unshed tears as he gazed down at you, his heart heavy with sorrow. "I love you. I can't bear to lose you."

"I love you too, my love" You replied with a genuine smile, her voice barely audible now. You were close to the end. "But you have to promise me something."

"Anything," Suguru vowed, his voice breaking with emotion.

"Promise me that you'll keep going." You whispered, your grip on his hand weakening with each passing moment. "Promise me that you'll never give up and lose yourself, no matter what."

Suguru gulped and nodded.

"I promise" He vowed, his voice filled with determination.

You smiled faintly, your strength fading with each heartbeat.

Your eyes fluttered closed, Geto pressed his lips to your forehead, whispering a silent prayer to whatever gods he didn't really believe in might be listening.

[daengtokki]

Kim Seungmin/gn!reader

wc: 710

rating: fluff

Day 1 of Seungmin's birthday oneshot countdown!

It’s bitter cold tonight. This is the kind of cold that goes straight through you, right down to your bones, and makes you feel like you might never be warm again. That’s a little dramatic, but you really, truly hate winter. Most of all, you hate waiting for the bus in winter, because the sun has long since set set by the time you’re running for your stop.

Usually, you make it on time, but today you got held up by a classmate. You missed your usual bus, and froze for an extra twenty minutes until the next one came. Not only is this one unfamiliar, but the trip is a little longer, and it’s much, much busier. You always go for one of your two regular spots on your usual bus, but that’s not an option this time—you have no option at all, actually. Every single seat is taken; standing room only…just barely. You grab something to steady yourself as the bus starts to move again, and drop your gaze to the floor. You can start up your podcast, check out for a while, and you’ll be home in no time. It’ll be fine.

Before you get your earbud back in, you hear a soft voice…

“Sillyehamnidaaa”

You ignore it, pop your earbud in, and unlock your phone.

“Excuse me”

It’s muffled this time, but it gets your attention. You look up and forward, move your eyes left to right before committing to a more dedicated search, but nobody else within eyesight is moving, either. Everyone is very clearly into their music, or their books, or each other.

“I’m sorry, do you speak Korean?”

Finally, you look to your right and make eye contact with the soft voice. He smiles and waves, and it’s a little awkward—he’s a little awkward, but he’s too good-looking to be acting awkward.

“Byeollo johji anhda”

He laughs sweetly, and you see his mouthful of braces before he quickly closes his lips again. You’re not sure if he’s laughing at your awful pronunciation, or if he’s just glad you finally answered him. You wouldn’t blame him for laughing at you, though. Three months into classes, and you sound terrible.

“Would you like to sit? I don’t mind standing.”

“I’m fine, but thank you”

The stranger chews on his lip, obviously thinking of his next line, and you wonder if he’s just being nice, if he’s bored, or if he’s actually attempting to flirt. You’d rather not deal with flirting on a cramped city bus, usually.

He pushes some of his pretty hair away from his eyes and lets out a little sigh, sort of a laugh. Laughing at himself, maybe. “Can I stand with you?”

Suddenly, you’re warm enough to melt right through the floor. He is definitely flirting, and the best part about it…nobody around you is paying any attention. Still, you’re a little embarrassed. “Stand with me?”

He smiles again so you can see his braces, and you wonder how much younger he is. Not that he looks young, because he really doesn’t. But the braces and the carefree smile make him look a young, his big, warm coat makes him look young, and the blonde streaks running through his bangs do, too.

“Mhmm,” he nods. “You can tell me no, and I’ll leave you alone. I promise.”

You’re not sure if you want him to get up and attract attention, but you don’t exactly mind his flirting, either. Two of your younger classmates have already done this, tried to get a date, and it wasn’t nearly as affective. Maybe it is time for a new friend. You look out onto the street and attempt to orient yourself, and you do very easily—this is almost the same route as your other bus, and you know there’s a coffee shop a few blocks away.

He’s watching you very intently, so your nod lights him up…he throws his backpack over his shoulder, and he’s next to you a moment later.

“I’m getting off in two stops”

“Me too”

“Do you like coffee?”

“Yes, very much,” he grabs the pole, brushing his hand against yours as lightly as possible.

“Well, if it’s not too late—“

“No, not at all”

“What’s your name?”

“My name is Seungmin”

[teddybeartoji]

"I HUNGER TO COMMIT THE ACT OF TOUCH" HEADCANONS

here are some facts about prince!gojo and knight!reader and sugu and shoko!!!! some of these might've been mentioned in the previous parts but i just wanted to go over them anyway!! also some of these are very random but they feel right so i needed to add them hihihi enjoyy!!

+ the "i hunger to commit the act of touch" masterlist

`♡、THE PRINCE

— a sensitive, sensitive boy; cries easily.

— touch starved out of his mind; his mother kisses his forehead and his cheek and suguru's arms more often than not falls around the prince's shoulders but he needs more.

— very curious; he loves going outside, he loves people staring, he loves learning (dislikes reading though bc that can be a bit boring).

— hates staying inside the castle; has escaped into the forest behind the estate many-many times (usually suguru is the one to bring him back).

— gets cold easily.

— his eyes are also sensitive - the reason why he has to wear a blindfold; he doesn't like it though. so he often goes out into the blinding sun without it and later bares the terrible migraines because of it. he says it's worth it.

— hates his father but adores his mother.

— is actually very devoted to becoming a good king; he loves the town and the people a lot and he wants to take care of them.

— he loves all of the kids in the town aswell; they play ball and have tea-parties together.

— he loves hot cocoa.

— he has brought in a lot of stray cats; they all run around the castle freely and the king hates it (the prince doesn't care).

— the maids and the servants of the castle absolutely love him!!! he takes good care of them!!!! treats them like family and loves joking around with them.

— once fell down some stairs and just laughed it off.

— he's really good with a sword and he likes to fight!! he often spars with suguru and he just thinks it's so exciting and fun.

— he has known suguru almost all his life and he cares for him very deeply (the feeling is mutual).

— the prince has only been taught soft touches all his life so he kind of seeks out action and violence to feel something New.

— also loves shoko a lot a lot a lot. he thinks that she's just so cool and their humor is very similar which sometimes pisses suguru off. which in turn just makes them laugh even more. it's a vicious cycle.

— is absolutely enamored with the knight. they're the fresh breath of air that he's been missing from his royal life and he's determined to keep them in it forever.

— does know how to speak like a proper prince but thinks it's very funny to swear and make dirty jokes.

— despises the smell of alcohol.

— gets attached rather easily. they can't get the knight out of his head for the life of him (he isn't even trying).

— loves flowers of any and every kind; buys them regurarly for his friends and his mother.

— he, of course, has a snow white horse (his name is John?).

— is terribly terribly eager to please. he just wants to be good.

— would gladly get into a real fight just for the thrill of it.

`♡、THE KNIGHT

— rough and scarred hands.

— they used to live in the same town but moved away when they were twelve.

— they know shoko; she was their best friend until they left.

— used to get slashings and beatings from the castle guards because they were hell-bent on taking the blame for just about every other stray kid in the town. they were just trying to protect them...

— just as touch starved as the prince but unlike the latter - they're more afraid to seek it out. let me rephrase - they don't seek it out, quite the opposite - they're more likely to pull away at genuine touch than to accept it.

— but as a protector, it is part of their job to offer their hand to people. a helping hand to pull the prince back onto his feet, a helping hand to wipe the blood from his face, a helping hand to get him onto the horse, a helping hand to keep him from falling - it's just what they're supposed to do. they also need more - just like the prince.

— they're determined that they're scary and that everybody should stay away from their bloody hands and their scarred face (they're wrong).

— confused about their feelings; only being familiar with anger and bitterness - everything else comes as a complete surprise.

— a brutal fighter - blood and guts are nothing new to them. nor are beheadings and dismemberment, slit throats and bashing in faces. if that's what it takes to save a person - they'll do it without a second thought.

— very very good with a sword. they've been carrying that thing around for years now and it feels a bit weird to be without it.

— despite the way they act towards the prince - they do think he's gonna be a great king. they're mostly just jealous.

— loyal to the Cause even though they don't even exactly know what the cause it. is it protecting people? is it running away from them? is it just violence?

— they act tough as shit but inside they just want to be held. well, first they want to get over the fear of being held.

— they can't wait to see shoko again. they might be a bit nervous but ever since seeing the doctor and hearing that she's in fact well and is now living in the castle??? they can't wait to see her little smile.

— they want to hate the prince. but they can't (they're not even trying).

— a big scar running across their eye. it makes them look badass. and hot.

— the armor they wear is a bit rusted but good nonetheless. it has carvings on the front and the back.

— clearly has some sort of authority issues.

— cats really like them. they always come up to them in the town, swirling around between their legs and purring. they always smile back at the kitties.

— loves eating bread.

— picks at their scabs and wounds all the time; shoko always slapped their fingers when she saw them doing it bc that is a really fucking bad thing to do especially with dirty hands... they can't help it though.

— is surprisingly (it's not surprising at all) popular with the brothel ladies. they always seem to try and invite them in and it's one of the few things that actually manages to fluster the knight.

— thinks that the prince acts like a child, like a puppy and no matter how much they try to convince themself that they think he's annoying - it just doesn't work. the prince is the only one who's gotten a smile that big out them anyway.

`♡、SUGURU

— the prince took him in when he was just a kid; convinced the queen that suguru should stay and well who is the queen to say no to her little prince - they've been inseperable ever since.

— trained to be a knight so he can take care of his best friend.

— cares for the prince a lot A Lot (probably a little bit too much).

— the prince and suguru fooled around when they were younger and they got caught once; the prince managed to sway the king with the argument that he was the one who made suguru do it - suguru felt very bad after that incident and tried to distance himself from the prince but it didn't work. the prince was clinging to him like his life depended on it and soon after that everything was almost back to the way it was before.

— very good friends with shoko; they often sit in the tavern together after a long day.

— has a sensitive nose and the prince likes to tease him about it.

— likes sparring with the prince - he's stronger and better but he lets the prince win sometimes because he likes his smile.

— when he does decide to keep his win - straddling the prince while holding the sword to his throat - his own smile shines so bright that the prince thinks he's gonna get a migraine just from that.

— massages the prince's face whenever he has a migraine. his hands are almost magical, he's too good at it.

— all of the cats that the prince has brought in fucking love him.

— he also lives in the castle!!! he has his own room and it's very close to the prince's one. you know.. for safety reasons.

— loves drinking tea.

— sometimes shares a few smokes with shoko but he keeps glancing over his shoulder to make sure that the castle people or the other knights can't see him. the prince always sighs very dramatically when they smoke.

— knows all of the prince's hiding spots in the forest.

— the three of them have gone skinny dipping together (the prince screamed like a little girl when a piece of kelp touched his leg).

— even though he is a knight of the castle, he - just like the others, is not a fan of the king or his ways. they all think that he's a cruel old man and they're all ready to help the prince become a better king.

— he understands the knight like nobody else.

— gets along with the queen really really well and shoko constantly teases him about it by saying that she has a teeny tiny crush on him. suguru always gets flustered by that (he's just very well-mannered okay).

— accidentally once heard the king say that he should cut his hair ("it's not suitable for a knight") and is now more than ever determined to never cut it.

— has a black horse and takes really good care of it!!!!

— likes to read whenever he has a free moment. which isn't too often, so he usually reads during the night in the moonlight.

`♡、SHOKO

— childhood friends with the knight; neither of them had a home and had to take care of each other.

— a doctor took her in and began teaching her so she'd become her apprentice.

— always patched the young knight up after a fight or a beating.

— she was very upset when the knight left.

— around the age of 16/17, a prince with a bloody knee and a teary eyed little soon-to-be-knight knocked on the doctors door - they made her put bandages on his knee and they've been friends ever since.

— now lives in the castle; the prince got her her own room with a little balcony. they all often eat breakfast together there.

— learned how to use a bow just for the fun of it.

— braids the prince's hair when she's bored.

— the cats also love her. there's one that always sleeps in her room and on her bed. she named the cat Horse (suguru has never rolled his eyes so dramatically).

— she misses her childhood friend terribly; she thinks about them a lot.

— mainly lives a very quiet life and doesn't really interact with the other people in the castle. she also fucking hates the king.

— has a big scar on her lower back from her days on the streets. it was the one time where the knight had to patch her up, hence the "ugly" scar. she doesn't think it's ugly though, she quite likes it actually. she flexes it to the prince, calling herself a tougher guy than him. the prince pouts at that every time.

— the only other person she talks to in the castle is one of the maids. she has a scar across her face and shoko thinks she looks beautiful. shoko also thinks it's very funny when she cusses out the prince. shoko likes to play with her hair.

— is surprisingly bad at riding horses. she tried it twice and fucking hated it so she never did it again.

— works at the doctor's office. not full-time because she likes to just Be but she is very interested in blood and guts and wounds so she genuinely loves the job.

— used to be a regular at the brothel but ever since she met the scarred pretty little maid - she hasn't stepped a foot back in there.

[the-flowerwolf]

Hogwarts legacy headcanons

While normal people go and socialize I wake up and think about ✨them✨

So there's some headcanons about my favourite Legacy Team (as I call them) for ya folks while I'm writing a really big fic about them. Careful, some of them are sad. And don't mind my poor grammar thanks.

Btw, collages are mine, feel free to use them💙

🐍Sebastian Sallow🐍

First off all, if you turn him in, I don't trust you

Literally a typical Slytherin

A nerd. Just a nerd.

Quidditch? Babe, the only sport for him is dueling

Felt absolutely helpless when his parents died. And that's why he's so protective. He just can't let anyone else die on his watch

Really is a small version of his father and proud of it

Believes that the end justifies the means

Hopeless flirt BUT a gentleman. Wouldn't do anything you don't like

And also most probably believes in true love

A proud bisexual

Everyone think that "he fucks everything that moves" but he's a virgin who "saves himself for the one and only"

As some fan said, he was probably born on 18th September. And it's a canon now.

A great friend but a terrible secret keeper, so for Merlin's sake, don't tell him ANYTHING

Knows how to braid hair into the most complex ways

Pro feminist! Treats women right and knows all important stuff thanks to his sis

🔥Natty Onai🔥

I'm sorry but she's so underrated and for what??

I believe she really respect traditions she were tought as a child

Her favourite holiday must be her birthday. All because it was the only day of the year when her parents forgot about all the dangers and sorrows and they just got together, spending the best time

Most probably will return to the homeland after Hogwarts

Is the only member of the team who play quidditch

(as a keeper ofc)

She's a lesbian idk dudes

A very honest girl who were raised to be a good person

So she just expects the same from others

A very competitive. But not like Imelda. Natty respects fair competition and knows how to honorably recognize a match

Although this does not mean that she will not destroy you to win

Is always cold poor thing

Religious bc I feel like it

Has mommy issues and don't tell me I'm wrong

Will definitely become the best auror one day

🌼Poppy Sweeting🌼

Her favourite holiday is Christmas lemme tell you that

Trust issues

She's trying her best to be gentle with every living being because she saw too much violence already

And that's why she thinks animals are better than people (agree)

She's definitely an INFP and I won't change my mind

Looks like a cinnamon roll but will kill you

A cliché but I feel like she's an excellent cook

Although she would LOVE to find someone to understand her (like us) she's totally okay with being on her own

Is into mind games like chess

But will go to see a quidditch game just to support Natty (and mc if they play)

Is always up to an adventure

Bullies? Girl grew up among killers, you really think she would care about some bullies?

I feel like she has the strongest personality in here. Doesn't matter what happens she will always stand straight while helping others

Is a cat person

Can't cry bc she was not allowed as a child

💚Ominis Gaunt💚

Just an innocent little boy let's be honest

He may look like he can kill you but he's just a cinnamon roll

Jokes about his blindness as a defence mechanism

Had a crush on both Sallow siblings at some point and I can't blame him

Saw a theory on tiktok that his patronus would be albino snake. CANON

Just wants to have a simple quiet life without any drama

Protective of his friends BUT is more protective of his boundaries

Don't mind his blindness he knows EXACTLY how to be a fashion icon

Another cliché: Omi can play piano

And it's the only thing his parents tought him that he loves. Playing helps him to calm down

Is very private, but as soon as he starts to trust you, he will immediately blurt out his life story, dreams, fears etc

Though he can't see an actual game, Omi likes to go on a quidditch game, because of the happy energy around him

Is sick most of the time for some reason. Cold, stomach ache or anything really

Also a nerd. But unlike Sebastian he's a fiction lover. Helps him to escape reality, especially in his family's house

Clingy with everyone he loves bc they make him feel safe