#I’m a sad lactose intolerant ass

[kaz-butt]

perhaps some of you have seen this on my now not so alive twitter but still

[peroxiddeprincess]

✭ Random COD character headcannons cus i’m bored in class.

Alot of these are based on TikTok comments i have in my saved LMFAOO.

— Once, Soap said Ghost was, “Vertically Assisted”, referencing his height, and Alejandro is now addicted to calling people taller than him vertically assisted.

— Gaz and Soap joke about “rizzing eachother up”, and Price was very confused as to what this meant. Gaz told him it meant they were being bro’s, Soap nodded in agreement. Now everytime he shakes a teammates hand he references it to “rizzing them up”.

— Soap lovesssss karaoke. Alejandro, Rudy and Gaz hype him up. “Dude, that was fire!”

— However, Ghost disagrees with the karaoke. “Yeah, put it out.”

— Once when the others were talking to König about some candy, he promptly and very confidently said he was allergic to it. They were all confused, it was a very basic candy, and he’s allergic?? Then König says, “Well, i’m only a little allergic. I used to eat them all the time out of the little packet that came with the beef jerky.”

— Flabbergasted is an understatement. They didnt have the heart to tell him. They walked away and laughed for a solid 10 minutes, and König carried on like whatever he just confessed was normal.

— Soap called Ghost a senior citizen once. He was so offended, he avoided him for 4 days.

— Gaz likes to tell all the blue eyed people theyre products of incest.

— Alejandro thinks it’s funny to tell everyone they only have a certain amount of time to live when under pressure.

— “You only have 10 years left to live.” “Press the damn button, Aleja- ..What?” “I’m getting visions.”

— Price thinks its so funny to pronounce lactose intolerant as “lack-toast-and-told-her-aunt”.

— ALEJANDRO GATEKEEPS EVERYTHING. Don’t ever ask him where he gets anything. He’ll make up some crazy ass story.

— “Yoo actually i trecked up the himalayas to find a small hidden town. I got it from there and just as i left, the whole town exploded! Craziest day of my damn life.”

— Soap got Rudy to start calling everything “zesty”.

— Graves definitely the typa guy to download a font keyboard and type everything out in some weird ass font cause he thinks its “cool and hip”.

— Don’t insult Ghost. He’ll tell everyone you said a slur.

— Ghost also takes everything anyone says super personally. He jokes around sometimes, but if he thinks you’re being deadass, he’s gonna be deadass too.

— Rudy asked Valeria if she was a boy or a girl. She was very confused and didn’t answer, and now avoids Rudy whenever she can.

— Alejandro and Soap chew with their mouths open. Graves and Price have to give them a reminder that its fucking disgusting. The obnoxious chewing makes Gaz laugh so hard.

— König is accidentally brutally honest. Once, you were showing him your new uniform, and he awkwardly laughed and said, “Maybe you should stick with the old one…”

— Ghost texted Soap to ask how he was doing after a particularly hard mission. Soap said, “So intense.. Was on the edge of my seat the entire time #hellyea”, he got left on seen.

— Alejandro finds it so funny to joke about the backrooms.

— “One wrong step, and you’ll be in the backrooms. Watch out.” “Alejandro, shut the fuck up.”

— Price found a stray cat out on a mission. Gaz named it gluestick, and was very sad when they left gluestick behind. Nobody could figure out why he was so sad over a gluestick until Price explained the situation.

— GRAVES IS IN HIS ALAN WALKER PHASE.

— Gaz says “Ratio” out loud. Nobody but him knows what it means. He laughs at himself everytime he says it.

[inawearyworld]

free if you truly wish to be: chapter iii

plots are half revealed, and willy "mr accidentally steal yo girl" wonka gets his sorry ass saved by a woman wearing one of those "oh no my husband mysteriously floated away died" robes you see all over pinterest. (now there's a sentence i never thought i'd write.)

2023!wonka x oc, this chapter ~2.5k

i would like to thank mr mathew baynton in that one bts interview for those bits and pieces of fickelgruber analysis that will totally now be used here. and also for being generally wonderful. thanks mat ilysm

also i thought it would be sort of funny for at least someone in this world revolving around chocolate to be lactose intolerant and then of course i had to turn it into something sad and poetic bc of Who I Am As A Person

enjoy!! and thank you for all the support on this fic so far!!

part two fic masterlist part four

She had a lot to think about that night.

Felix hadn’t returned home yet, and she started to worry that the fateful flying chocolates weren’t quite as harmless as advertised. The young man who’d made them, too, was swirling about her mind in a haze of schoolgirl blushes and piercing guilt.

Florence Fickelgruber had chosen her lot when she agreed to take on that name. Who was she to imagine a freer life, one of candy-coated dreams and a clear conscience, of gazes and banter with someone her own age, of running her hand through curls that weren’t slick with expensive gel? Who was she to foolishly wish for anything different, when so many people were counting on her?

She missed her home, her family, and it hadn’t been lost on her that Felix had never told her about his own background. Their wedding was attended mainly by those surrounding the Fickelgruber business, as well as another flood of press. She’d had to blink so much that day, unused to being in front of cameras after a youth spent on the stage, but her new husband had preened next to her as if this focus on appearance was where he felt most at home. She remembered the crowd’s polite cheers fading in her mind as he had slowly lifted her chin while she accepted a forkful of the most extraordinarily decadent chocolate cake.

For that day, she had allowed the feeling of his hand on her face to eclipse that of the too-rich frosting stuck in her throat.

Then he came through the door, humming a jaunty tune, and she blinked, torn out of the memory that she felt an entirely different kind of guilt for indulging in.

“Felix? Darling, where have you been?”

“Oh, don’t you worry your pretty auburn head, my songbird. The boy’s finished, absolutely finished. No one will be flying about the Galeries Gourmet if the police have anything to say about it.”

“What-what do you mean?”

“He’s disturbed the peace, made a commotion, even encouraged the-the-the unfortunate to disgrace our sacred sanctuary of chocolate. And the Chief is none too happy about it.”

“Is he?” she said suspiciously, stepping in front of him-because, up until this point, he hadn’t looked her in the eye.

Felix was silent for a moment, cacao eyes darting. His wife’s gaze was strong and unyielding-don’t lie to me again, I can’t take it-but her head tilted innocently to the side, a sort of plausible deniability.

A sort of protection.

“Yes,” he breathed with a curt nod, and took her hands in his. “I promise you, it was a solemn thing.”

“Then what were you singing as you came in?”

The chocolatier blinked again, falling into an absolutely done sort of expression, and Florence’s head tilted to the other side.

“You’ve had another musical number without me.”

“I’m terribly sorry, pet.”

“You know you can’t hide from me, Felix,” she said, something that would have been playfully teasing but held an edge of desperation that he refused to pick up on.

“It of course wasn’t the same without you,” he drawled in that ever-dramatic way, bringing her into their living room. “We’ll make it up now. Dance with me, Florence.”

He snapped his fingers, and some unseen yet attentive servant placed a needle on a record. A crooning melody started to crackle and bounce across the high golden ceilings, and Felix spun his wife into him, twirling her about with a smirk that she could only imagine to be the result of a monopoly saved.

She swayed to and fro in his arms, trying desperately to sink into the music, unable to focus on anything but the wrenching pull of her battling guilts.

~

Florence spent much of the next day in a state of ping-ponging worry. She’d looked intently out of the mansion’s sprawling windows over the town square, wondering whether her forbidden new friend had taken her advice.

“Just…don’t give up.”

“I wasn’t planning on it.”

And who knows what they’ll do to him now?

The hours had passed in a blur, and then she was laid limp, unable to sleep, and mentally exhausted, next to her husband and his piccolo snore.

She had screwed her eyes shut and burrowed into him, trying to force herself to feel as secure as she did two years ago; then, the slight sound of a little girl’s singing voice lifted itself into her consciousness, followed by the blare of a police car.

Puzzled, Florence carefully got out of bed and went to the window once more. The girl she’d heard was the one with the sweet smile that she’d seen in the Galeria yesterday, and Willy Wonka was next to her, warning her to run. The Chief of Police and Officer Affable faced them, but this wasn’t to last-the former seemed to tell the latter to leave, and the latter obeyed.

It wasn’t as if a switch flipped at that moment.

More like…

An extinguished candle was finally relit.

Before she could overthink herself into inaction, Wren was grabbing her robe and slippers and bolting downstairs, the snore that echoed after her serving as reassurance that she wouldn’t be found out. In her haste, she had the passing realization that this would be the first time she’d leave the house with her hair down and uncoiffed in over two years.

Through this rush, she heard the plunge of something in the town square’s fountain along with the shouts of the Chief, and she ran faster, throwing open the door just in time to see him about to club a drenched Willy over the head.

“OFFICER!”

Both men turned to her in an instant. She let out the breath she’d been holding since first hearing the girl’s voice, rolled her shoulders back, dropped into the character she’d played for the past two years, and stepped forward.

“What on earth is going on?”

They stared, each with a different kind of shock, as she walked toward the fountain. The Chief returned his nightstick to its holster.

“Mrs. Fickelgruber,” he stammered, “I thought you would have thought-well, I guess he didn’t tell-you aren’t-”

“No, I’m not thrilled about you clobbering this poor young man in the middle of the night,” she said, placing a hand on Willy’s shoulder. He looked at her, still touched with the fear of the past minutes but now grateful, and she tried not to be struck by the freckles she saw behind his water-plastered curls.

“Who said anything about clobbering?” the Chief laughed somewhat nervously. “We were just having a chat. An impactful, memorable chat. Right, Mr. Wonka?”

Willy dragged his eyes to him and held them there, a bit speechless.

What was probably three seconds but felt like an eternity of strange silence passed.

“Memorable indeed.”

“Right, then,” the Chief said. “You’ll do good to continue to remember it. Goodnight, Mrs. Fickelgruber.”

With that, he entered his car and drove away, his tail lights fading in the distance as the remaining pair stood, a little shell-shocked, her hand still on his shoulder.

“Thank you,” he said after a while, his gaze still trailing the receding police car.

“You’re welcome,” she replied, giving his shoulder an awkward pat, which made her realize just how cold he was due to the impromptu fountain bath. “Oh, God, you’re freezing. Let me…”

As he turned towards her, she looked up, trying to see through her window in the dark. She could barely make out the shape of a sound-asleep Felix, still in bed.

“Come to the office, I’ve got the key. There’s a fireplace there; you can stay as long as you need to to warm up.”

“Are you sure?”

His eyes moved up the same way, then back to her, and she shook her head as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Of course.”

~

“Do you want anything to drink? Water, tea? Hot chocolate?”

She hadn’t turned on most of the lights so as not to draw attention, but she’d started a beautiful fire, which Willy sat by in a plush emerald-green chair. She’d rattled off the drinks on habit, but she turned to him upon saying the third, sharing his smile.

“The last one, please. But I’ll make it.”

“No, you need to rest-”

“I insist,” he said, moving to join her by the small bar in the office and searching through ingredients. “Unless that’s some sort of corporate sacrilege.”

“Making chocolate in enemy territory?”

He took a small jar of powder from his sleeve and shook it into two mugs, considering this, and his smile faltered a bit.

“Is it really that bad?” he asked. “That they’d…that they’d send the police after me? That business rivalry is thought of like a war?”

She pursed her lips and nodded solemnly.

“They…feel threatened,” she said slowly, “and, despite how professional they seem, they can’t be mature or rational about it. Apparently, you really do have the best chocolate in town.”

He neither confirmed nor denied, but gave half of a smile as he looked down at the drinks he was stirring.

“And I, for one, am quite looking forward to trying it.”

“Here, then,” he said, pulling something out of a coat pocket that had managed to escape the frozen flush. “Nothing too dangerous about this one. Just some good old Wonka magic.”

He opened his hand to her, revealing a small, wrapped treat, and she sighed.

“I’d love to, but I really shouldn’t. Not even the drinks.”

“Why not?” came the stunned reply, and she nearly laughed at just how sweetly scandalized the boy seemed to be at the idea of anyone denying themselves that pleasure.

“Milk has never really…agreed with me. Bad for the throat, and I’m a singer besides, as you know-I mean, I-well, it’s just…”

PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER.

“I shouldn’t.”

He took a moment, and she watched his eyes widen as he processed the shocking injustice of being genetically predisposed against chocolate.

“Does your husband know about this?”

“He does, but he doesn’t care. Says I’ll ‘grow out of it with time’, which I haven’t.”

“So he’s…”

“Essentially poisoning me, yes.”

They laughed a little, because, surrounded by echoes of Fickelgruber’s power, it was the only thing they could do.

Willy stared at the table for a moment, then pulled another vial, this one containing a liquid, from yet another pocket.

“Lucky for you, then, I’ve got milk made from the product of the finest almond trees on the islands of Seychelles,” he said as he deftly poured the liquid into her glass. “Guaranteed to go down sweetly, both on the taste buds and after.”

“...Thank you,” she murmured, touched by the gesture.

With a final flick of the wrist, he deemed the hot chocolate finished, and they each carried their mug to the fire.

“Wren,” he said thoughtfully as they sat down.

“Hm?”

She was instinctively flooded with warmth in the same way she was yesterday, though whether it was due to the stunningly perfect cocoa or hearing her name in his voice she wasn’t sure.

“Is it a nickname? Songbird, right?”

She saw in the fireglow that his face darkened a bit upon the memory of how Felix had always referred to her in the press, taking that potentially sweet title and spinning it in an almost dehumanizing manner. So someone did notice.

“Well…sort of. That was what my parents intended. They say a wren sang when I was born, so they gave me that name, and I loved it. But Felix assumed it was a nickname and suggested I should expand it; to sound more sophisticated in my performances, he said, but I knew half the reason was to fit with the alliteration. He’s always valued aesthetics above anything else.”

They were silent for a while, and the massive painting seemed to stare down at them, making the Fickelgrubers look almost menacing in the fireglow.

“That’s you?”

A moment passed.

“No. No, that’s not really me.”

Her voice was quiet, but decisive. Willy looked at her, really looked at her, and she felt more seen than she had in years.

“I want to help you,” she said.

“Hm?”

His head tilted to the side, a little stunned, and she nearly giggled as his now-drying curls flopped in front of his face.

How could anyone want to hurt him?

“I don’t know exactly what Felix and the rest have planned against you, but I know there’s something. He never really tells me anything, but I’ll…I’ll try to find out what I can, to distract him when needed. I don’t want you to be alone in this.”

“I’m not,” he said. “The others where I’m staying right now, we’re all in a rather precarious situation together, and I’ve got a few ideas, but…”

She watched the wheels turn in his mind, and after a few moments, he looked back up at her, for once lost for words.

“But thank you. Again. I’d…I appreciate it.”

“Thank you. For bringing some much-needed heart into this place.”

“I think you’ve done that rather well yourself.”

This was news to her often-guilt-wracked brain.

“...Really?”

“Well, of course. You clearly care, Wren…you’re kind, you’re poetic and talented, and far smarter than it seems they give you credit for. It’s in your eyes, too, I think. You can always tell the truth by a person’s eyes.”

Her heart had nearly stopped.

Somehow, though, she could tell that he was unaware of the full effect he had on her.

“Mr. Wonka-ah, Willy, I mean…”

“Forgive me if-I didn’t intend to-”

The clocks around the city chimed the hour, interrupting the two just as they had the day before, and the young man’s expression went from its dazed dawning to a startled realization.

“They’ll need me. Back where I’m staying, I mean.”

“Of-of course,” she said a bit awkwardly as they both stood up.

His hair had dried by now, falling in perfectly imperfect swoops around his face. He’d undone his necktie to keep its cold away from his neck, and his jacket was folded over his arm, and he was looking at her as if he hadn’t had a conversation quite like that with someone in a very, very long time.

And neither had I.

Or…ever, I suppose.

Until now.

“Thank you. Again.”

“You’re welcome. Again.”

She took a breath, let it out, and folded him into a hug, which he returned in an instant.

After two years of jutting angles and sharply possessive grasps, it was remarkable to simply, softly, hold and be held.

They bid a last goodnight before parting ways, and as she took her time walking back to the mansion, the moon seemed brighter than ever before.

[confusedfeelsfangirl]

JONATHAN SIMS

PITIFUL WET RAG OF A MAN MOTHERFUCKING JONATHAN SIMS. 

GOD DAMN BELOVED WIMP ASS STATEMENT GATHERING ,SAD BACKSTORY, LACTOSE INTOLERANT VIBES, AVATAR OF THE NERD, BLINDEST EYE PATRON OF THE CENTURY, KIDNAPPED FOUR TIMES IN 100 EPISODES MOTHERFUCKING JONATHAN SIMS

YOU CAN KEEP CRINGE LIKING MY POSTS I ENJOY THE NOTES I LOVE HIM SO MUCH 

WHY DOES HE ALWAYS END UP IN THE MOST FUCKED UP SITUATIONS , EVER SINCE HE WAS A CHILD ??? NO WONDER HE ENDED UP AT THE ARCHIVE, OBSESSIVE ASS AUTISTIC CODED BITCH

THIS LIMP WRISTED SAD PATHETIC MAN HAS SUCH A VISCERALLY POSITIVE EFFECT ON ME, NOT EVEN IN THE ROOM NEVER SEEN THIS MANS FACE, AND I KNOW HE HAS THE WORLDS MOST DEPRESSED COLLEGE PROFESSOR YOU WANT TO HELP WITH HIS COMPUTER VIBES 

If i wanted to get into heaven and god said I had to recant all that I’ve ever said about him being adorable and wanting to wrap him into a bundle of towels like a kitten, I’d simply go knock on hell’s door, they at least might accept my pitiful man loving ways. Almost a full ass lesbian and I would marry this man just for the sake of protecting him from the horrors.

If I have to deal with one more person insisting I have a crush on the voice actor and showing me his picture, I will start digitalising myself to escape their bullshit no good hearing and reading comprehension and I will slow down their internet connection out of spite

i dont even know why i love him so much. he reads messed up stories but i am just obsessed because i am projecting.

he better have some more fucked up backstory episodes bc if I never get to acquire more lore on him I will just have to write it myself 

I hope he gets some affection and love soon cuz if he doesn’t I’m going to make him 

paypal.com/IFuckingLoveJonSims

Almost all the episodes have him in them and its still not enough. vaguely see something that reminds me of him and I black out and lose my train of thought for the next 20 minutes

I’ve been spoiled about the ending, but I won’t let that stop me from hoping he gets the peace and love he deserves, i love denial and ignoring canon 

I'll lovingly squish jon and his sad pitiful little archivist body will simply crumble to pieces when faced with how much I love him until all that's left is one final statement recorded on his trusty tape recorder titled MAG 201 “A Jon Stan” written in curly-q handwriting on top

im not breathing im hyperventilating at this point

i hope theres a date given for when he’s resuscitated or appears as a cryptid to haunt people so i can make it a reminder on my phone

 once a year i will see it and will do so many little things to pay respects to the man who recorded hundreds of fucked up little stories and still couldn’t escape his destiny to became one himself.

(very much inspired by the Jurgen Leitner rant : https://jurgen-leitner-rant.neocities.org )

[maponyo]

🐈‍⬛

tw: this is my first time actually posting anything i’ve written. i made these pretty late at night so i’m sorry if they’re bad i just wanted to write something. probably some spelling mistakes and stuff i didn’t feel like checking it throughly.

a/n: please be nice

personal

* i’ve mentioned this before but baji absolutely LOVES the yakuza game

* favorite one is yakuza 0 (definitely not because this is the only one i’ve watched so far🌚)

* john cena fanboy for absolutely no reason. has his theme as his ringtone

* number 1 baby metal fan. owns their merch and goes to every concert

* his favorite season is summer for obvious reasons but his favorite holiday is definitely christmas because he and mikey ride around with shin

* HATES horror movies. like nothing can convince this man to watch them. even the kiddie ones like goosebumps or scary stories to tell in the dark will have him act like the devil just touched his soul

* definitely the kind of guy to walk around with one lens in his glasses after a fight

* purposely named his bike cockroach knowing pah is afraid of them

* he used to hate his fangs when he was little because kids used to tease him and say he was a dog

* that was until he started saying he’d bite and give them rabies if they kept messing with him

* cannot grow facial hair to save his life

* judges people on how they interact with animals, specifically cats

* despite popular belief, i don’t think he would get any tattoos. he seems like a piercing guy and definitely cannot sit that long for a tattoo

* gave himself the alias edward because he used to watch twilight with his mom

* he even had a phase when he acted like a vampire but will vehemently deny and threaten anyone who dares to bring it up

* is lactose intolerant and just like many of us will eat dairy and instantly regret it as soon as it hits his stomach

* sometimes he feels insecure about the fact he was held back, all of his friends moving up while he’s left behind

* even though he has a reputation for committing arson and slightly unprovoked violence, keisuke is truly a model citizen☝🏽

* volunteers at shelters, helps the elderly, feeds the homeless, solves climate change. he truly is a saint and can do no wrong!

home life

* i like the idea that his mom was a teen mom and that his father was never really around and just stopped coming one day

* due to her job, his mom sometimes works really late or super early so over the years he’s learned to cook (the only good thing he can cook is yakisoba)

* on the nights he knows his mom will be back late he cooks her food and despite it not being the best she still loves it

* even though she works a lot the two of them are still very close and their favorite thing to do is read manga and watch mystery dramas whenever she’s off

* despite not knowing his dad(he only visited when he was a baby) he never felt insecure about it

* he’s a total mamas boy, and will fight anyone who says something about her

* when ryoko was younger, she wanted to have a lot of kids but after having keisuke she changed her mind. she felt it would be selfish to have so many kids when she works so much and after realizing how much of a handful he can be.

* despite that and having him at such a young age, keisuke was the best thing to ever happen to her and wouldn’t trade him or his wildness for the world.

relationship

* back on the yakuza point, whenever you’re sad he’ll grab a hair brush, turn up the radio and start singing 24-hour cinderella to you until his voice is gone

* when you guys get in a fight he’ll act like he’s in a 2000’s r&b mv and start singing bakamitai. chifuyu gets the hose to spray water above him, kazutora plays the music, and ryusei records the whole thing so baji can send it to you

* a biter, like what’s the point of him having those sharp ass teeth if he don’t try to take a chunk out of you

* whatever your favorite animal is, he’s gonna buy every single book about them so he can share little facts about it with you

* if you’re into a specific artist or group, he’ll listen to their whole discography and learn everything in the fandom

* becomes a horanghae enthusiast and will force you to be one as well

* just like he’s loyal to his friends and toman, he’s loyal to you

* like foreva togetha foreva LOCKED IN 🤞🏽

* a girl tries flirting with him and all of a sudden he’s hellen keller

* the type of boyfriend to say you’re too spoiled whoever you ask for something while doing said thing you requested

* will literally lift his ass off the seat while you’re sitting next to him and fart on you then blame it on you

* talm bout some ‘ew the hell did you eat’ like his diet doesn’t consist of yakisoba, monster energy drinks, and beef glizzies

* speaking of farts😸 keisuke will send pics of his shit to you asking if it looks normal

* will make fun of you if you’re lactose intolerant as if he don’t be upside down on the toilet fighting for his life

* is constantly in your personal space. like he’ll be standing behind you while you play like candy crush or best fiends mumbling about moves you can make. sometimes he’ll snatch your phone and play it himself

* what’s yours is his. mid chew on something he wants? he’s opening your mouth and popping it in his, no matter if it’s soggy

* absolutely loves giving and receiving hugs, being in your arms makes him feel safe and gives reassurance that despite all of his flaws you still love him

* stares at you with his mouth open, no matter what you’re doing or how you look his eyes are on you 24/7

* takes the absolute worst pictures of you on facetime and puts each one in his favorites until the end of time

* throws rocks at your window at like 4 in the morning knowing you both have school just so you can ride around with him until the sun comes up

* i feel like he’d totally like mellow down on the things he does. he doesn’t want to worry you while he’s away

* constantly checks up with you so you know he’s okay and not lying on the ground somewhere and dying 🌚

this is so scary bye 😭

[a-dumb-sarcastic-bisexual]

More ROTTMNT headcanons: random shit part five million

Donnie would pour the milk before the cereal 

And then he would go on a five-minute tangent about how “this is the correct way to do it the internet has rotted your brains” 

Leo puts the cereal in first (you know like a normal person) and argues with Donnie every single morning about how much of a heathen he is 

The jokes on both of them they’re lactose intolerant (and they refuse to take their medicine)

Mikey eats his cereal with chocolate milk (but he still pours the cereal first cause he agrees with Leo (but he’d never tell Donnie that))

Raph just eats his cereal without milk

He will reach his hand into the box and eat it like granola and it disturbs the boys to no end 

One time he ate the cereal dry and had a glass of milk right next to him 

Just to piss the boys off 

The boys all sing in the shower 

Mikey has the highest voice (like I’m not kidding that boy gives Ariana a run for her money) 

Raph is an alto and when he sings you can feel it in your bones 

It reverberates throughout the house and you can hear it no matter what room you’re in

The twins sing both

Leo tends to favor soprano (though he is an excellent alto)

And Donnie tends to lean more towards alto (but he sometimes sings soprano (nothing feels better than hitting a crazy high note))

Leo and Mikey would lick the seasoning off of takis

Donnie and Raph would lick the frosting off pop tarts 

Leo would drink milk out of the carton 

When the twins are bored at 3 in the morning they dance together 

They’ve made whole ass runtiness that they’ve memorized 

They range from hip-hop to ballet (they love having range) 

They’ve memorized the dance from Tangled (cause my sister and I memorized that dance)

Sometimes when they’re in their feels (cause let’s face it 3 am depression hits us all) 

They’ll sit in Donnie’s lab (the only soundproofed room in the lair) and blast sad songs 

Raph knows how to crochet 

He’s made blankets, stuffed animals, and outfits 

(He’s the only person to finish a temperature blanket)

Mikey knows how to sew he’s made quilts, and outfits (he’s the only reason the boys have clothes)

His brothers have more blankets than they know what to do with 

And sometimes when Donnie isn’t busy he’ll make the boys stuff 

Like game consoles or random fidget toys 

Cause Leo can’t do any of that he wracked his brain trying to come up with ways to help his siblings 

Then he noticed

Mikey would draw for hours without taking a break

Donnie wears his battle shell unless he's sleeping

And Raph is just tense 24/7

So he decided that he wanted to come up with stretching regimens to meet their needs so they’re not in pain all the time

The fact that it releases endorphins, dopamine, and serotonin is just a little bonus 

The first time they stretched as a group it sounded like fireworks were going off

Leo was genuinely concerned and considered calling a doctor 

(this is your reminder to go stretch)

(Yes you!)

[etherealpapercut]

prompt: *my own sad ass because i actually have low blood pressure, and wouldn't it be nice if my favourite avengers were there to help me out after i collapsed and was having a bad day?*

~*~*~*~

hypotension

~*~*~*~

fandom: mcu

pairings: platonic!peter parker x gn!stark!reader

genre: fluffy and angsty moments all throughout

warnings: no bad swear words! (yay!) but lotsa fainting and mentions of fainting, it’s implied that y/n is american, lactose intolerance, emotional outbursts, cream puffs. in that order.

word count: 2.5k words

summary: drastic times call for drastic measures and y/n stark is pushed to the edge after a series of collapsing episodes. no one dares go near y/n now, except for y/n’s best friend, peter parker. 

~*~*~*~

you felt lightheaded, and the world began to fade around you. fog invaded the corners of your eyes as your muscles started to give way. one thought stood out among the rest.

oh, again.

all of a sudden, your senses came back to a fatigued body sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall. you checked the wall for the nearest clock.

it read 12:05 PM.

you must’ve blacked out for a full thirty seconds by your reckoning. an average time, but it was still a concern. “uughh,” you groan, fighting the urge to completely collapse. this was the third time today. you needed salt in your system, and the faster the better.

you mustered up every last bit of your energy and powered through the weakness. 

“i’m an avenger. i’m the child of an avenger,” you whispered. “i am strong, and am completely capable of walking down a hallway.”

“y/n stark,” a robotic voice blared from unseen speakers. “are you alright? you were unconscious for—”

“yeah, yeah, yeah, FRIDAY,” you mutter. “delete all the security footage of that... scene... please.”

“are you sure? you may want to review this footage at a later time for a full-body diagnostic. i recommend you consume a source of sodium, and drink one full glass of wa—”

“DELETE THE FOOTAGE, FRIDAY!” you yelled. your lungs couldn’t get enough air. the rest of your teammates knew that your body didn’t naturally produce enough sodium for you to maintain a high rough level of blood pressure, but moments like this, when you full-on collapsed, were still very embarrassing. you were glad you were all alone. you threw a suspicious glance behind you just to make sure.

absolutely nothing stirred. FRIDAY continued to speak.

“deleting. i suggest you make your way to the main kitchen. there are pickles in that fridge. ”

you stood up slowly, wary of another attack from your own body. you continued to move slowly, down a hall, up a flight of stairs, past a bathroom, and down another corridor to the kitchen.

when you arrived at the kitchen on the second floor, you weren’t even surprised to see that the rest of the avengers were already there. the kitchen on the main floor was the biggest and best, and today, wanda and thor had done the shopping.

(those two had exotic tastes—which were anything but your typical american cuisine—and everyone looked forward to the meals that they prepared.)

something that smelled thick and savoury was in the oven, and a bowl of fruit was on the counter, surrounded by the others’ cups and mugs and glasses. you made a beeline straight for the refrigerator. 

“heyyy, y/n!” sam called. “what’s up?” he was stationed next to the coffee machine. on any other day, and in any other mood, especially if you had not had three “episodes” earlier, you would have stopped to say hello and make small talk, but today you simply ignored him. to top it off, you barely even heard the man, as blood was rushing through your ears like a waterfall.

tony was standing in front of the fridge.

“well, if it isn’t the great y/n. wonderful to see you finally out of your room.” he joked. “how are you feeling?”

you pushed past his hug and opened the fridge door. tony pouted.

“now, y/n stark, that's no way to treat your father,” steve rogers said from across the counter. everyone heard cap, you included, but you ignored everyone. 

“yeah!” tony agreed. he waved both hands at steve, one empty, the other occupied with a glass of water. some of it splashed, but he took no heed. neither did you, and you continued to rummage through the shelves and compartments, hunting for the pickles. you weren’t finding them, and felt a wave of nausea and exhaustion and an overwhelming mood swing wash over you, you drew up every ounce of composure you had left and turned around.

“hello, father,” you addressed tony cordially. “mr big bird, mc’captain freaking america. that smells lovely, wanda, whatever it is.” you were being very sarcastic. the room had quieted at your condescending tone. 

you blocked it all out.

“where are the pickles?” you demanded.

“where are the pickles?” tony murmured. he rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “FRIDAY?” he hollered, “where are the pickles?”

“sir,” FRIDAY said. she said nothing else.

wanda cleared her throat. “uh, y/n, please don't get upset, but i used the last ones in my casserole,” she gestured towards the oven. tuna bake. it was tuna bake. you hated tuna bake. no offense to wanda. the tuna part was fine. but lactose intolerance ailed you as well as your sodium deficiency, and that recipe called for a full block of cheese, four cups of milk, and the worst one of all; half a cup of butter.

everything drained out of you. nothing remained. you hated when you got like this, and you knew when you got like this, but you couldn't even spare anything to apologize. you grabbed tony’s glass of water right out of his hand, took two steps to the mess of spices wanda had left on the counter, dumped a pile of salt into the water and chugged it.

the room went silent. every eye was on you.

you felt sick as you swallowed every last drops of the brine. you tossed the glass into the sink, not caring if it broke, then stumbled towards the door again.

you caught the expression on natasha’s face. she looked queasy. it took a lot to shake natasha romanoff. wanda wore a similar look, hands covering her mouth. your dad just stared after you with a mix of awe, inspiration, and complete disgust. 

it was an eye opener.

many in the room looked about to have a fit. they could all imagine what that might taste like, but none in their worst nightmares would ever try a salt water ratio like you had.

your insides churned. you had the salt you needed but at what a price.

it took several attempts to open your mouth to speak.

“i’m going.”

and with that, you left

~*~*~*~

your destination was the grocery store, granted that you could get out of the avenger’s tower without a huge fuss.

you heard someone walking behind you, probably someone who was determined to follow you and make sure you were alright.

you glanced back, ready to throw hands, but instead spotted peter parker, the amazing spider-man, walking aimlessly on the ceiling behind you. he was fixed on his cell phone, and nearly ran into a light fixture.

he hadn’t been in the kitchen, so he hadn’t seen what you had just done. there was hope of redemption and regained innocence in that prospect. you had a feeling that no one would see you in the same light again. 

you committed many crimes on the battlefield and on the game board, but this was a new extreme. bucky had looked disarmed.

you wiped the salty drool from your mouth on your shoulder and waited for peter to walk by you so that conversation could be initiated. regular convo, linguistics between children of the same generation. the ceiling was the perfect height to talk to anyone on two different planes, specifically between a person on the floor and a person on the ceiling. 

the boy on the roof snickered at something on his screen and kept ambling in your general direction. 

all of a sudden, you wobbled on your feet and had to catch yourself from tripping over thin air. ugh... if that horrid glass of salt water hadn’t been enough to kick your system back to rights, you might explode into tears.

peter’s hood had fallen over his head, but that didn’t block you from being able to see his face clearly. it wasn’t the tiniest bit flushed from being upside-down for so long, and once more, you found yourself marvelling at your friend.

peter stopped walking on the ceiling, and you approached, unsteady on your feet.

“spider-baby,” you address him in a mocking tone. peter acknowledged your voice, but it took him a few moments to stop what he was doing on his phone and look for you in the room. you smirked at him, only a few feet away.

“y/n!” peter yelped, taking several shocked steps backwards. “how did you get on the ceiling?! what thehow are you sticking?” he walked around your head, baffled. “you didn’t get bitten by a spider either, did you?” you flicked his nose when he got in range, taking slight pleasure in his reaction. 

“fool, you’re the one on the ceiling,” you said. 

“wh—wha—oh. yes. that would explain it.” peter flexed and flipped himself around and stood to face you on the floor. he flapped his arms and raised his eyebrows to convey a ta-da! impressive, huh? air, and you smiled at him.

“bro, you gotta stop growing,” you turned, punching him in the arm. the two of you began to walk. Peter towered a full six inches over you. 

“tall people are always nice people, and i am one of those taller people,” peter declared.

you scoffed. “well, one day,” you said, sarcasm and humour loading down your voice, “i’m gonna look up at a skyscraper and realize it has your face on it, and it’s actually you.”

“well,” peter replied, “i may grow, but you will not, and one day, sky-scraper-me might accidentally step on an ant named y/n, which will be a sad day, but it’s too bad you were too short for me to see you.”

you elbowed him playfully, mock scorn written all over your face. peter just took hold of your sleeve and tugged, just about sending you tripping.

sometimes you really forgot how strong he was. 

then all of a sudden, your friend was in the middle of a sentence about his homework, and the end of the hallway had been reached and the two of you were about to turn the corner. 

how—?

your vision went blank, but you were aware that you were still walking, until you hit a wall and fell to the ground.

something like static, or ringing bells, was going through your brain. vaguely and faintly, you could hear peter panicking. 

now what was happening? everything was dark.

your brain processed that your friend’s voice had cracked and he sounded rather high-pitched. it was like a soprano’s. ordinarily, you would have laughed for ages over his voice cracking, but you were paralyzed sitting slumped against the wall. you felt like you were floating through space, until you were really floating and peter was carrying you to the nearest couch.

you hit the couch cushions and bolted upright, scaring peter, every bit of strength coming back all at once.

“peter parker!” you gasped.

“y/n stark!” he cried. “you’re alive!”

“of course! of course i am, don’t cry,” you assured him. peter snivelled. 

“i thought you up and died on me, idiot,” he said.

you rolled your eyes affectionately at your friend. “listen, if i ever died it would be because i was killed, and i’m taking you with me, so don't worry.”

peter nodded. that's what friends did.

“i didn’t know who to alert.” peter mumbled. “i just, uh, called for mr stark. he’d know what to do, right? he’ll come help you. you’re his child, after all.”

you just groaned and shook your head. tony was an overprotective father, yet somehow, simultaneously, an extremely nonchalant one. you knew he would hear peter screaming for him, and dismiss it with a wave, maybe ask FRIDAY to give him an update, or send vision or rhodey over to check up on you if he was really concerned.

“yeah, spider-child, mr stark will know exactly what to do. but we know better.” peter cocked his head. you reached out and poked his arm. “and you know what we need to do? we need to go to the store.”

your friend’s look of confusion prompted you to further explain. “my blood pressure is running low today, and i need pickles or some kind of electrolyte drink to help raise it so i don’t die. we don’t have pickles or electrolyte drinks.”

peter nodded seriously. “so we need to get pickles. pickles and gatorade... and profiteroles, y/n/n, we can't forget the profiteroles.”

you suppressed a grin. profiteroles were a forbidden desert at the avenger’s tower, because everyone would fight over them. who knew that such a simple thing as a box of cream puffs could turn the infamous avengers on themselves in a heartbeat?

this was going to be a top-secret mission to the grocery store.

“profiteroles for sure, pete. after pickles.” you patted your pockets for a pen and paper as peter did the exact same thing. you smirked at each other. 

“anything else for the list?” peter asked. 

“we’ll see,” you remarked. peter jumped to his feet and held out a hand to help you stand up.

“let’s go!”

~*~*~*~

later that night, you and peter hunkered down in your room. your room had a tv. tony let peter live in the tower, but he had said that peter took after him too much, which was true, and if he had a tv in his own quarters, he would get carried away or distracted and stay up all night watching “whatever the hell he watches.”

peter had insisted that the two of you watch star trek, but you had adamantly put your foot down and said that you would prefer to watch star wars. after some argument, you had agreed to binge the original star wars trilogy first, and then end it with peter’s favourite star trek films. 

your trip to the store had turned out to be a trip to stock up on all-nighter supplies such as popcorn, chocolate, and other caffeine, as well as both yours and peter’s favourite candies and a new fluffy blanket.

and, of course, a jar of pickles, which you had cracked open and dug into with desperation as soon as you and peter had checked out.

peter had laughed at you, but it wasn’t a mean laugh. he had even eaten the whole pickle you offered to him on the walk back to the tower. 

after some heated discussion over distribution of the profiteroles, and smuggling everything in (particularly the profiteroles,) without being detected—a process that involved some complicated web slinging—as well as trying not to alert anyone else in the tower of your escapades, the two of you had put on your movies and lt everything relax into a state of peace. 

you yawned. the time was approaching two in the morning and you felt yourself drifting away from the world, but this time, instead of the reason being your blood pressure dropping, it was because of the lulling scene that befell you: a muted tv, lighting the room with a soft air, and your best friend breathing deep and rhythmically as you nestled into each other. 

minus the hypotension drama, i would do this again, you smiled, and let the world fade away into happy dreams.

[rosemaryblossoms]

🎄Gulliver’s Ghost 🎁⭐️

Part one

Taglist: @ewwwabug @a21487246-duya @cookie6666 @zglin @jhjejw @jannevinegarr @freshcinnamonbunnies @froggomurder @corruption01 @loverofwurms @pranita2546z @dead-static-yn @zuozhe42 @r1ng-w0rm

This= Varai’s/ Sad’s/ Melancholy’s dialogue

This= Jeff’s/ Yin’s/ Jolly’s dialogue

This= Dusiao’s/ Yang’s/Merry’s dialogue

This= Gulliver’s dialogue

This= Daryna’s dialogue

This= Aubrey’s dialogue

Loveless biker boys by @ewwwabug

Dusiao by @a21487246-duya

Boozo’s ghost by Martin Walls who inspired me to do this story and created the song Accept your mistakes which I’m going to feature in my post.

I will also do instructions for when to play the song and to stop reading until it’s finished before continuing.

Warning(s)⚠️: Gulliver being a huge jerk, bad work environment, mentions of death of a loved one from a main character even though it didn’t actually happen, abuse, and mentions of body shaming. Long ass post because I literally worked on this in the summer of 2022, Please don’t read this to harm yourself and/or others

It was a snowy Christmas Eve, the snowy breeze sways as the snowflakes come to play.

Usually at this time children are asleep waiting for old Saint Nick to stuff stockings and leave gifts under the tree, most shops are closed for the holidays except for one, the store called Clover green cottage that is owned by Gulliver J. Ebenezer who was so greedy and selfish it one day lead to dire consequences and some special visitors you’ll read about today, so grab your cookies and hot choco (unless you’re lactose intolerant or just don’t like them, pretend it’s something else) and prepare to dive in.

Daryna was jus sweeping around the shop until a pleasant smell caressed her nose, it was the smell of freshly baked Christmas sugar cookies along with hot chocolate with a hint of peppermint bark. The smell basically pulling her towards the source like a cartoon character, her face then planted into a beefy chest and then she fell back and knocked down the massive tip jar, shattering it and letting the money fly.

“Oh my goodness! I’m so terribly sorry sir, I wasn’t paying attention!

“Oh no it’s fine, it’s my fault I was too busy looking around at the wonderful items on display I’m so sorry sweetheart. Are you okay? Are you hurt?

“No I’m fine, again I’m terribly sorry for bumping into you- ”

“DARYNA! What the hell is going on here?”

“I’m so sorry boss I accidentally knocked into the customer and knocked the tip jar down, I’m going to pick it up.”

Gulliver face palms at the scatterbrained woman in front of him, giving her the “you stupid bitch” look and then turning to the handsome white haired man with raven tips with a strained but customer friendly smile.

“ I greatly apologize for my employee’s little mistake, I promise you a 25% off discount for your troubles.”

“And you” he said facing the brunette chubby Ukrainian woman, “ I need to speak to you real quick before you pick up okay?” “Yes sir.” Said Daryna as her little pink lips trembled and hazel eyes filled with fear. The pristine white haired man noticed this as well as the ginger haired man with gradient purple tips and eyes who was around the corner, not too far behind from his friend. They looked at the poor woman with pity, it took them most of their strength to not snap the shit brown haired man’s neck. Before following her boss into the back she told the customers to be careful of the broken glass, both the man and the Ukrainian woman went to the back, entering the employees only room.

“Daryna you stupid bitch you do nothing but embarrass me, you’re lucky that I’m desperate otherwise I would have fired your bitch ass”

“Sir please forgive me, I didn’t mean to bump into him.”

“Sorry! Sorry! Your nothing but sorry! I don’t understand how your husband could ever stand you with your fat ass and ugly mug!” seethed Gulliver who is too angry to process his words.

“ Maybe that’s why your husband is dead, he couldn’t stand your scatterbrained self and hung himself because of it.”

Daryna felt as if she was stabbed many times in her heart, tears starting to flow down her rosy cheeks, she tried to talked but the only thing that came out her mouth was choked sobs, she then looked at her ring, or her mother in law’s ring, her husband couldn’t afford to buy her a proper engagement ring so he offered one of his valuable things, his mamas ring to proposed his undying love for her.

Reference for her ring:

“And one more thing before you go back to work, I’m cutting off your check.”

“P-Please don’t sir!”

“I am.”

“Please sir I beg you! I need to feed my sons!”

“ Maybe if you weren’t so scatterbrained and plump, you could actually get paid more and hired by other big shots!”

Daryna fell to her knees and cried until her lungs gave out, Gulliver then gives her liquid foundation, “Stop that crying and tidy yourself up, you have work to do, now if you excuse me, I going to fix the mess you’ve made.” Little did both the man and woman know there was a man outside their window eavesdropping on them. When they both got back, the mess is gone and there’s a new jar that is filled with the fallen tip money. “You know it’s a good thing my friend Yin here purchased this jar from the shop before, it’s really handy, thanks again Yin.” “No problem Yang.” Beamed the ginger haired man. “Hey you, what’s your name.” “Daryna.” “What a lovely name, can I talk to you over there.” Yin said as he pointed to the hall that’s in the back of the store where the bathrooms and the employees only room is. “Uh sure.?” Daryna then followed him to the hallway.

When they got there, he gently directed her to the bathroom. “Um sir, May I ask why are we in the bathrooms.” “To make sure your boss doesn’t hear our conversation.” “Anyways I have something for you.” Yin than reach for his hoodie pocket and pulled out a $100 and gave it to Daryna. “Oh my goodness! Thank you so much!” “Your welcome little lamb, make sure you hide it from your boss.” Daryna then turned around and unbuttoned her shirt and putted the $100 in her bra by her left boob then buttoned her shirt back up and thanked the ginger haired man once again. “Oh and one more thing.” Jeff Yin then pulled a small medical kit and squatted down, he then put Neosporin and small bandaids on the little cuts on her ankles that she didn’t even knew were there. “Oh! Thank you so much I didn’t even see those.” Yin gave her a small smile before heading out. When they got back, Yin and Yang took their leave. “Daryna?” “Yes boss?” “Why did that man pull you into the back?” “Oh he was just patching up my cuts, see.” Daryna showed her boss her bandaids. “Ok, now go get your shit we are closing.” Daryna wasted no time and packed her shit and ran out the door with the speed of light. Before Gulliver was able to flip the sign to “sorry we’re closed” a feminine man of 5’2 and a 1/2, almost to 5’3 with reddish brown hair walked in with a medium cardboard box with a doodle of different colored stick figures holding hands around the Earth. The man walked up to Gulliver, her hips swaying as he walked, he then gave him her brightest smile. “Hello sir may I help you?” “ Hello sir, merry Christmas, I’m Aubrey and I’m trying to make donations to help the unfortunate so they have better lives and I came here to ask you if you would donate, well if you want to?”

Gulliver then reached into the box and pulled out a wad of cash and took the three $1 out and put it back in the box and put the rest in his pocket. “HEY! WHAT THE HELL MAN!!” “That was for wasting my time, now leave before I call the police, I’m too tired for more bullshit.” The man was about to say some thing but cut himself off, her complete heterochromia eyes sparked a bright but eerie light then he turned around towards the door and looked back at Gulliver. “Go burn in hell old man.” He then left out the store with a sour mood but smiled at the tall purple haired man who looked at him with love in his ruby eyes, the tall purple haired man turned to look at Gulliver’s store then at Gulliver and then gave him the most shit pants scary death glare and mouths out “you’re dead old man” then walk away with his love. Gulliver then flipped the sign and then turned all of the four locks and went to the door that said “Customer and employees keep out!” and took his other key out and unlocked it. He then lock the door with the same amount of locks as well another door on his right, after that he went up the stairs and into his cozy apartment. Gulliver wasted no time to put his sleep wear on and went to his bed.

Reference for his sleepwear:

He closed his eye finally embracing sleep. . .

Ok what the hell was that noise. Gulliver woke up from a small clatter in his living room, he then picked up his hand gun making sure it was full and then left his room to go see what is the commotion that disturbed him from his sleep. Keeping his guard up he walked into the living room only to find it was beautifully decorated by Christmas decorations, this confused the man, he doesn’t celebrate Christmas. . .

He looked around the apartment, keeping his guard up to make sure the intruder doesn’t attack out of no where. There was nobody but him in the apartment. He then came back to the presents, he put his ear on each one to make sure there was no ticking of a bomb. He then hesitantly picked up a blue box with a purple ribbon and on the box were purple worms on a string but without the string. He then slowly opened it, the present then revealed a cute plush of a clown with a jester hat.

The plushie:

He picked it up to feel the soft material, it smelled of raspberry and grape candies and the sent was not too strong so it was pleasant. Then his living room was now a void of darkness and his hand gun was gone. He pinched himself only to find out he wasn’t dreaming. In front of him appeared a door with a clown man with purple hair and a Jester hat with bells. The clown man had a frown on his face and tear drop make up. A fluffy blue worm on a string decorated the silver doorknob. He hesitantly walked forward and opened the door to reveal the same void but there is a giant gift box, the box is white with a pink ribbon for the bow. As Gulliver walked over to the box, he heard sobbing. “Hello?” Then the box lifted only a little bit to reveal a pair of eyes, they were dark voids with pure white light as pupils. The box lifted to reveal a sad clown man. His nose is painted purple and had black tear drop makeup, his bottom lip was bluish black. the bells on his hat wear silver, his outfit basically matched the plushie’s outfit except he has real bells and the colors are blue and purple. He also had worm on a string earrings, the purple on his right and blue on his left. (He also had the the scars Varai have on his face.) the clown man looked at Gulliver, sniffing a bit and rubbing his eyes. “Hey there. . . Um how are you?” The clown man just stared at him basically giving him the 😐 face. Gulliver is not good at comforting people. He never gotten the experience himself

“So do you want to talk about it, also who are you?” “. . .”

“I am the Sad ghost of past experiences, I’m also known as Melancholy, and I’m crying because you’ve stolen and lied.” The clown man’s voice was echoey and with every word he spoke there was a chime of a music box but it didn’t come from the large box in front of him. “I know everything that you’ve done, why did you do those terrible deeds.

Gulliver just stands there trying to find an answer for even his self, he can feel his heart racing.

“No I didn’t?” That’s not the answer Sad wanted and it’s not the answer he wanted either. Melancholy just sighed. (Keep scrolling when the song is done.)

Sad then continued to show Gulliver’s past, and telling him there might be some time left to change and to fix everything and to also get some help that he needs.

Yet Gulliver is too stubborn and confused.

To be continued on Christmas morning.

[donteatthefishtacos]

Can I please have a size difference hug for Jazzalil? Jemilla engulfing Zazzalil would seriously make my day :D

Hey hey! Sorry this took me a couple days to write, back to school has fully kicked my ass.

Anyways, I've got a little ditty for this one. Hope you like it and thanks for the prompt! Once again though this is set in the universe I wrote in my fic from last year, Stuck in Second Gear, playing now on an AO3 near you.

Jazzalil - scenario prompt - 787 words

The airport in Clivesdale was nearly deserted as it neared 10:00 at night. The last few passengers were clearing the quiet ticketing area to head through security, Zazzalil stood fidgeting with her backpack off to the side of the roped off lanes beside them. The care she was putting into arranging her belongings just so was all a ruse, of course, the real worry laid in leaving the woman standing next to her. She glanced up at Jemilla, who grinned back at her from behind her hand that was covered by the sleeve of a hoodie that had seen better days. Her warm brown eyes shimmered in the harsh over head lighting and Zazzalil’s gut twisted with worry. 

“You got everything?”, Jemilla asked softly, her voice coming out thick and a little raspy. 

Zazzalil tried to push a smile to her face, though she wasn’t sure she succeeded when Jemilla’s brow furrowed in concern. 

“All set,” she answered her back, a little quieter than her usual she supposed. Jemilla’s lips pressed together into a thin line and Zazzalil closed her eyes briefly. 

“Hey, it’s only three weeks, right?,” she heard Jemilla sigh and her eyes popped open to meet her wife’s. Zazzalil quirked an eyebrow at her, prompting a huff of a laugh from the other woman that she couldn’t help but return. 

“What?,” Zazzalil asked, grinning eventually when Jemilla’s hand reached out to grasp onto her fingers.

“I’m just really proud of you,” Jemilla whispered after a moment.

She rolled her eyes at the sentimentality. “That’s really cheesy, babe,” she muttered, letting herself be pulled off balance by the hand Jemilla was still holding. 

“Well good thing you’re not lactose intolerant,” Jemilla countered quietly, as she brought a hand up to cup her cheek and leaned in to kiss her. 

“This is just a game development visit for the same job I’ve had forever,” Zazzalil muttered into Jemilla’s mouth when she turned to deepen the kiss, and in moments she felt Jemilla smile against her. 

“Shh,” Jemilla whispered in response, and pulled away to meet her eyes again. “Let me be impressed.”

Zazzalil searched Jemilla’s face again for a few moments while an announcement droned on over the speakers that she couldn’t be bothered to pay any attention to. “I’m gonna miss you,” she said eventually, the thumb of one hand slipped under the hem of the sweatshirt Jemilla had stolen from her a while ago.

Jemilla’s mouth quirked up in a sad half of a smile. “Me too,” she whispered in confirmation.

Zazzalil pushed up on her toes to press one more slow kiss to Jemilla’s lips. Her entire life, she’d resented always being the smallest person in the room. The one that looked a good year or two younger than everyone else in her class in school pictures, ‘short stuff’, ‘little lady’, or ‘half-pint’. Written off as being weaker, less capable, in need of help. 

Over time, she’d developed a system to counter that. She made herself larger-than-life. Loud and energetic, noticed. But in the last couple of years, since Jemilla, really, she found that being smaller wasn’t so bad, if she got to be wrapped up in her.

“One more hug for the road?,” Zazzalil asked hopefully, waggling her eyebrows in an attempt to lighten the solemn mood that had fallen over the two of them. Jemilla barked out a laugh and tugged on Zazzalil’s hand she had yet to let go of to bring her in closer. 

Zazzalil wrapped her arms in a circle around Jemilla’s waist as her wife’s arms wound tightly around her shoulders and back in a well-practiced series of motions that still managed to make her heart hammer harder in her chest. Her face found its place tucked into Jemilla’s neck and Zazzalil huffed out a laugh into her skin when she felt her hand slide down to squeeze her butt playfully. All in all, she’d come to realize that being the shorter one wasn’t all that bad, when being held like this was the outcome.

Another announcement played over the speakers, announcing that the security gates would be closing in the next fifteen minutes and Jemilla sighed, her chin still pressed lightly to the top of Zazzalil’s head. They pulled away slightly, arms still wrapped loosely around each other. 

“Call when you land?”, Jemilla asked softly, a small smile lit up her face. 

Zazzalil laughed, “Yes, ma’am,” and huffed out a laugh into the kiss Jemilla leaned in to give her.

“I’ll throw in a kiss for free,” Jemilla muttered, and despite the fact that these were the lips she’d kissed for the last three years, Zazzalil’s heart leapt in her chest.

[sugarcherriess]

wHAT? I’m also lactose intolerant, and see, this is the thing, I’ve tried MANY replacements but none of those taste as good as lactose products, and whenever I have something with lactose I convince myself that it’s not that bad but I end up regretting, it’s a never ending cicle :( But moving on, I truly hate IST, we get it that TBZ are their money makers but why can’t they have a rest, and why they can’t announce already if Eric is participating for the comeback or not? Many people are getting high hopes (including me) and I know it’s gonna be so sad when I don’t see him, like I’ve been thinking, he barely gets any lines, how is he supposed to sing for upcoming next songs? He had nothing for she’s the boss, again getting nothing? IST CAN’T YOU WAIT UNTIL HE’S FEELING BETTER YOU USELESS MF

It IS a never ending cycle 😭😭😭😭😭😭 its always “its just a little bit its fine” while havin it and then “god save me this time i wont have it again i swear” at the toilet but then it keeps happenin over and over. WHEN WILL IT END🤲🏼🤲🏼🤲🏼🤲🏼🤲🏼

Ist keeps playing hard to get like how difficult is it to tell the fans basic info about your artists?? Even when they got covid there was no info over whether they got better or not. I rmr we found out jacob recovered through his own post like imagine being that useless. Only ist can relate.

When eric comes back they’re probably gonna half ass the line division and give him some other member’s lines and think they did the best they could. Ist is that member of the group that only brings paperclips and thinks that was more than enough contribution 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

[darkdreamtheorist]

🤬 MY LIFE’S NOT UR BZNZ K!?

Dmn u Critt’rs, all of ya! I n my sibs got beef with detractors like u online and in life who think they’re better than I or my fam n Im bloody sick of it! So wut if I look like Tigger & Chester Cheetah’s mistake, or Pyuma’s too much of a kitty cat or looks like her Hyena BF, and don’t get me started on Megara’s attentive ass or Rhonda soundin’ like Luan Loud n wud b bttr off a clown like her uncle n not a business predator! WE KNOW U MORE THAN WE DO wit the same SoMeds as U LOT n we can FIRE BACK with 1 POST! N dat dont give u a right to spam our PFPs or likes on things u wudnt giv 1 GDdmn iota or 2 if u lookd it up on the Google.

Oh, and About my body, a-holes, THAT’S HOW I WAS BORN:

A stray puss havn her way with my Siberian pop cuz she liked his asinine comedy routines and would do it to the Discovery Channel at a Motel 6!

Also also, dooch-turdz, whn ur human masters wr still around, Groucho/dad needed to Walk Wild to get their attention since my Mystery Mom was expecting me! Sad he got tranqd for that, but thnk those Ohioan vets for birthin me round the 80s, n Im sure they know whr n whn but I don’ care 2 ask, that origin was 😳. Speaking of dat pssy btw, soon I came to N’gaia, she was MIA 5 months of my life! 5. MONTHS! she missd my awkward transition from common housecat to big jungle cat! My stripes were showin at 2 cat years (maybe 12 humy years) n i got to b the gangliest TIGGER of my school n my habitat! My paws swelled up, I reached the roof of my clubhouse, and had barely any meat on my bones. lucky I wuznt lactose-intolerant for all the 5 gallons of milk a day or i’d snap n fall. Lucky I also learned many deadly fight moves with my aunt Jane, a mirror image of myself in evry way, cept she’s MOBIAN n her paws r normal size n DEADLY, like me if u don’t SIT DOWN N SHUT UP if u keep spamming these hatr comments on our pages, or it’s Krav Maga time for the lotta ya, GOT IT!?

😡…😌 good

I’m glad we had this little chat about hate speech. CU NXT TIME!

—JT, Benton-Night Intern

Big Appleton, NY

[gacha-gremlin]

Misc. Headcanons by Troupe!

(Because I've been hoarding these for way too long.)

🌸 Spring 🌸

Sakuya keeps a shoe box full of every birthday and holiday card he's ever recieved. Since joining Mankai, he's had to start on a second box, the first filling much faster than he ever could've imagined.

Tsuzuru pencils in a weekly breakdown. If you look at his planner, Tuesday mornings just say "cry." (True story.)

Tsuzuru's anemic. Also lactose intolerant (but watch that stop him).

Itaru uses an electric toothbrush. Minimum effort, maximum efficiency. (Plus it's basically a robot brushing his teeth for him. Everything he ever wanted lol.)

Citron is ordained. He also enjoys playing matchmaker in hopes that he can one day put this to use.

☀️ Summer ☀️

Yuki doesn't like sour candy, or sour foods in general. (Tenma makes fun of him for having the flavor palette of a toddler, to which Yuki just responds with a jibe about Tenma's old man hobbies.)

Kazunari was one of those kids in high school that just walked around playing a ukulele for no apparent reason.

Misumi and Kumon both give the tightest fuckin hugs. Together? Their hug power? Maximum. So good. Just think about it.

Kumon is afraid of lightning, so much so that he tends to curl up and hide. Muku voices this at one point during a thunderstorm and half of Mankai ends up in a frenzy searching the dorm for him. (Misumi finds him in a closet, and is perfectly content to stay there and keep him company talking about all the triangles he'd found that day. It helps.)

🍂 Autumn 🍂

Banri's actually a very good listener, he just doesn't tend to look at people when they talk about anything too personal, preferring to stare at his phone or fiddle with something. It makes him seem standoffish, but he actually retains things very well and is able to think better without the eye contact to distract him.

Banri is also surprisingly and infuriatingly good at giving advice. People will find themselves ranting to him, not even sure he's fully listening, then he'll just open his mouth with the simplest solution and just. Be right? Like how did they not think of that beforehand??

Omi gets a service dog to help with his PTSD. It takes every ounce of collective willpower Mankai has to not smother him with pets and scratches while he's on duty.

Omi keeps a food journal. He has a detailed list of everyone's allergies, dislikes, and favorite foods, along with magazine clippings of recipes he'd like to try. There's also a few wild notes from the occasional time he'll wake up in the middle of the night with a sudden idea, only to scratch them out in horror come morning. (Banana nut curry cake? What even??)

Sakyo has a picture of Azami as a small child in his wallet. Autumn troupe finds this out one day and has a field day.

Azami is simultaneously touch starved and touch repulsed. Sorry idk what to tell you.

❄️ Winter ❄️

Tsumugi doesn't actually like the taste of floral teas, as much as he wishes he did. He self-consciously admits to being a bit sad about it and Tasuku tries so hard not to laugh at the the pure silliness of it.

Tasuku jokingly refers to Tsumugi as "sleeping beauty" while trying to get him up for morning practice one day and they both immediately turn red. That was supposed to be an INSULT, fuck fuck FUCk--!

Homare plays piano. He was taught it as a kid and took a liking to it. The rhythmic nature of it reminds him of poetry. Also played the violin throughout school (it's just so extra and the dramatic arm motions suit him so well).

Homare is a bit of a germaphobe. Doesn't share drinks and always examines a potential seat before sitting anywhere outside or in public. Detests public bathrooms.

Guy, helping out in the kitchen: *accidentally slices thumb*

Everyone: !!!

Guy: *doesn't even flinch*

Everyone: *deep concern*

🍛 Mixed Troupe 🍛

Sakuya, Muku, and Taichi have all accidentally called Izumi "mom" before.

No one knows this, but Masumi is really good at dancing. He and Azami pull together a hip hop routine they perform for an event and everyone's jaws collectively drop. (Taichi then begs them to start up a dance crew together, which Misumi, Kazunari, and Citron all immediately offer to join. Masumi shuts the idea down.)

For Misumi's birthday, Homare writes him a poem about triangles. He loves it. (I'm just emotional about them sharing their special interests with each other okay let me BE.)

Tasuku is very protective of Taichi. He's seen firsthand the kind of impact God Troupe can have on grown ass men, and Taichi was just a child.

Tetsurou uses sign language. Matsukawa interprets.

[fieryone18]

Ted Lasso 2x04 thoughts, spoilers, and happiness ramblings:

1. Is Keeley… an honorary Diamond Dog…? *squeal number one*

2. The whole “wrapping-Jamie’s-secret-Santa-thing-since-he-didn’t-understand-what-secret-Santa-was” thing was the moment I knew: this was gonna be a good ep

3. HOLY SHIT THE INTRO!!! (Low key gave me community claymation Christmas vibes… anyone else feel that?)

4. Ok when Higgins implied that he didn’t think they would get many people, I was like a) sad bc he’s so sweet just to do that in the first place!!! but b) like uh-uh you clearly haven’t realized the found family trope fest that is about to occur

5. Sam!!! Dani!!! Richard!!! Jan!!! Zoreaux!!! All the Richmond gang!!! AHHHHH!!! (Ok Richard and Higgins’ son’s FIFA game is probably what broke me ngl)

6. Sexy Christmas y’all… someone needs to write a fic for sexy dec 28th- STAT

7. Did Keeley… pull a Ted metaphor…??? (The mushroom thing- which I will TOTALLY be slipping in conversation at some point)

8. Roy’s convo with the little kid abt pooping in their pants- istg that man would be a PHENOMENAL inspirational speaker 🙌🏼

9. LACTOSE INTOLERANT ROY KENT 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼

10. The Ted/Rebecca relationship evolution- guys I’m gonna cry- it was sweet and golden and this episode def quelled the few remaining doubts in my mind abt them being endgame- it’s basically confirmed at this point

11. The makeshift long-ass Higgins Christmas table- literally the only solution worth of this goddamn show

12. Ok small moment, but when another Nigerian teammate brought the actual version of the dish instead of the one Sam brought bc he didn’t want them to be like “ooh gross” and then they shared it!!!- fucking golden. Don’t change your culture to appease anyone’s bland-ass palate y’all

13. The love actually thing at the end- ahhhhhh!!!- and when it was made clear that anyone who messed with phoebe (I’m looking at you, prick-ass bernard) would have to deal with BOTH Roy and Keeley!!! Aunt Keeley mode, unlocked

14. Ok back to sexy Christmas for a sec- the leg lamp from a Christmas story!!! 🙌🏼 (it’s a major award!)

15. Also, I am SO glad they lightly touched on the actual darkness of its a wonderful life bc I could tell it was bumming ted out and I was mildly worried he’d go to a dark place with the suicide stuff- I can’t watch that movie anymore and I always felt like nobody understood what I meant when I’d tell them why

16. Going back to the beginning for a sec: Bumbercatch with the scarf!!! I was so worried Colin would be an ass abt it but it was so sweeeet

17. Finally, ofc, the impromptu dance/karaoke party in front of the Higgins house!!! Hannah’s voice!!! The snapshot ending!!! Found family at its finest!!!

Honorable mention: the ussie guy!!! As well as the implication that he masturbated to Keeley as a teenager ✌🏼(and Roy’s reaction is priceless)

In conclusion, this episode warmed my cold dead heart and it was ridiculously worth staying up until midnight for

Also literally cannot wait until it’s actually Christmas time and I can watch this with a whole nother set of feels

[myheelsdontmatchmysweatpants]

hi hi Rhododendron Hawks PLEASE BBY CONGRATS ON 100 YOU ARE AMAZING your writing is beautiful and im lucky to call you a friend

Emme my love!! Thank you so much and I hope you enjoy this Rhododendron with Hawks!

Hawks x Fem!Reader

The knock at your door had your nerves working in overdrive. The sharp “Just a minute!” shooting out of your mouth before you can calm yourself. As you walk to the door you take deep breaths, straightening out any nonexistent wrinkles from your dress and taking a quick look in the hallway mirror before looking through the peep hole.

At first you don’t see anything but a deep crimson, when your eyes finally focus you can see that the crimson is a set of exceptionally large wings attached to an incredibly attractive hero. You pull back from the door and take one more calming breath before opening it with a smile on your face.

“Hey chickadee! Ready for our- “Hawks stops in the middle of his sentence when he sees you, his brain and heart both stopping momentarily. He stands there stunned, taking it all in. Your makeup enhancing your already amazing features from your enchanting eyes to your sultry mouth. The dress your wearing showing off your jaw dropping figure and your soft skin. “Wow- “He clears his throat, a blush on his cheeks. “-you look amazing Y/N.”

Your still standing in the door way, relived that he finally said something. The look in his eyes when he saw you was so intense it was almost frightening. His pupils shrinking, the gold in his eyes going molten.

“Oh! Um, thank you Hawks.” You play with the hem of your dress and drop your eyes to the floor.

I hope I look amazing, my first date in years and it’s with the number 2 hero?! I’ve been getting ready for hours!

You stand there for a moment in silence until he puts a hand under your chin and tilts your face up. “Come on dove, no need to be nervous! Here, I brought you a gift.” He pulls a hand out from behind his back, holding a white box you didn’t even notice he was carrying.

“Th-thank you! These are from my favorite chocolate shop.” You take the box from his hand holding it close, a smile on your face that takes his breath away.

“Well, I know you don’t like getting flowers so I figured chocolates would be the next best thing!”

You chuckle at his enthusiasm, thankful that he is trying his best to make you feel comfortable. “How did you know I don’t like getting flowers?”

“You just struck me as a person that doesn’t like them, being a hero helps me read people so… oh wow I sounded real douche.” He looks down then notices the time on his watch. “We better get going if we’re gonna make our reservations!”

Hawks waits for you to grab your stuff, put the box in your apartment and lock your door before heading out.

Thankfully, the hero was not expecting to fly you to your destination. He opens the passenger side door to his sleek sports car, waiting for you to get situated before shutting it. As you drive to your, still unknown to you, destination you can’t help but admire him from the side. It is rare that you got to see Hawks outside of his hero uniform except when he modeled for magazine covers. However, all of those magazines could not compare to real life.

The hand resting on the shifter is big, tanned from hours in the sun with long fingers and perfectly manicured nails. His has rings on both his middle and ring finger one black with gold veins like marble, the other crimson.  The long black sleeve button up is rolled to his forearms, showing off lean muscle, veins running down to his hands. The black slacks tight enough to show off two toned legs, and a third leg?!

You hear him chuckle and he puts a hand on your thigh, giving it a quick squeeze before putting it back on the shifter. You can feel your cheeks glowing red from embarrassment.

How long was I staring at him?!

Hawks doesn’t say anything, saving you from embarrassing yourself any further.

You finally pull into a driveway, stopping at the curb. You look out the window and see a bar and lounge that you have passed by multiple times, knowing from just the outside that you would not be able to afford anything. Hawks gets out of the car and opens your door before the valet can, holding out a hand to help you out.

You step out of the car, your dress tight around your thighs and ass. Hawks can’t help but take in the sight, the crotch of his pants tightening unperceptively.

“Have you ever been here before Y/N?” You both walk up to the doors of the lounge, Hawks slightly behind you with his hand on the small of your back.

“N-no I haven’t, it always looked a little too pricey for me.” You try to distract yourself from his warm touch by examining the ornate double doors. Both sport blacked out glass and a large silver “5” topped with an image of a flower you can’t quite remember the name of.

“It’s a rhododendron.”

A shiver runs down your spine as Hawks leans over to whisper in your ear before moving in front of you to open one of the doors and usher you inside.

The date was amazing, conversation flowed smoothly, no fans or paparazzi interrupting, Hawks was even able to guess not only your favorite drink but your favorite food as well.

At one point he decided to fold one of the cloth napkins into a very poorly constructed plane, four embroidered rhododendrons resting two to each wing. You can’t help but laugh when he tosses it up, sending a couple of his feathers to keep it in the air. You both watch it soar around the room before, a stern-faced waiter walks up and clears his throat. You both turn, matching guilty looks on your faces while the napkin is swiftly returned to the table.

The hero makes sure to keep the bill out of your line of vision, immediately handing the waiter a black credit card and continuing the conversation.

“I had an amazing time dove.” He reaches across the table and grabs your hand, caressing your knuckles with his thumb. “I would hate to end this date so soon… how about we go grab some dessert? I know a cute little ice cream shop downtown that has nondairy flavors!”

You can’t help but melt into a puddle when he smiles at you, his gold eyes shining.

“I would love to! It’s good they have nondairy; I get a little sad walking into an ice cream shop when I’m lactose intolerant.”

He shoots you a wink. “Well, isn’t that lucky then? Come on, let’s get there before they close.” He takes you by the hand and holds it while you wait for the valet to bring his car around.

When you are both back in the car Hawks turns on some music, one of your favorite songs softly playing through the speakers. “I hope you don’t mind, just felt like we could use some tunes.”

“Oh, not at all!” You wave him off with a smile on your face. “I actually really like this song this artist is one of my favorites!” You start tapping your leg to the beat, watching the street lights pass by and missing the gleam in your dates eyes as he glances at you.

“Hello! Welcome to the Frozen Marble Creamery, what can we get ya?” The employee behind the waist high freezer greets you while you clasp your hands in front of you with glee.

“Oh wow, you have so many choices!” You browse the dairy free flavors, looking up at Hawks when he places his hand on your shoulder. “What are you gonna get Hawks?”

“I’m not picky so i'll just get what you get.” He pats your shoulder, moving his hand down to the small of your back. A small shiver goes down your spine when you feel the tips of his fingers graze your ass.

The employee stands there with a stunned look on their face for a moment “Oh, wow ummm Hawks! You’re like my favorite hero! I can’t believe you are here! Could I please have your autograph?” You didn’t even see them come around the corner but suddenly they are right next to you, almost pushing against you in their enthusiasm.

“Of course! I can always sign something for a fan!” Hawks strategically moves so that he is between you and the person while still keeping a hand on you. He signs the piece of paper and smiles at the employee before putting a finger in front of his mouth. “Now don’t tell anyone but I’m on a date and I really wanna impress her.”

The employees mouth drops open and their eyes go wide turning to look at you. “Oh of course!” They excitedly whisper. “Let me know what you want, and it will be on the house.”

Hawks gives them a quick wink. “The little lady and I will both have a small mango sorbet in a cup please.”

You had been watching the exchange with a small smile on your face, impressed at the way Hawks flawlessly managed to calm his fan down. When he orders for you, you shift and bump your hip against his.

“If I didn’t know any better, I would say your quirk is mind reading.” You giggle.

He bumps your hip right back. “I guess I’m just that lucky!”

After you get your ice cream you walk out to the small seating area in the front, surrounded by three rhododendron plants giving the space a pleasant sweet and spicy scent.

Conversation continues in between bites of the sweet sorbet. He regales you with tales of villain take downs and working with the number one hero while also asking about your job and tales of your childhood. You can’t believe your luck, being with the hero feels so comfortable especially since he knows you so well.

It must help with his hero work being able to read people so well.

After finishing your dessert, you linger in the sitting area, enjoying each other’s company and the mix of cool night air and scent of flowers. You are relaxing with your head in your hand, watching the cars drive by in comfortable silence when your date chuckles. You turn to him with a questioning look when he reaches over and plucks something out of your hair.

“Looks like I’m not the only one who enjoys your company, you had a couple of tagalongs.” He opens his hand, and you see two small flowers sitting in his palm.

You huff out a laugh and grab one of the flowers, twirling it in between your fingers. “You know it’s weird, I’ve been seeing these flowers a lot lately.” You watch the way the petals of the rhododendron flutter in the wind and place it on the table.

“Maybe it’s fate?” Hawks places the other one on the table, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. “Don’t most flowers have meanings? Maybe these ones mean your beautiful.”

You giggle at his joke, your cheeks tinted pink at the flattery.

“I hate to end the night Dove but it’s getting late and I wanna make sure you get home at a decent time.”

You sigh, knowing he’s right but being sad about it all the same.

When you get back to your place Hawks walks you to the door, holding your hand and swinging it back and forth. You both stand there for a moment, you not wanting to end the night and him patiently waiting.

“I, uh, I had a really nice time today Hawks.” You fidget with the hem of your dress for a moment before looking up at him.

“I had a nice time too Dove. I’m excited to see you again.” He grabs your other hand and faces you towards him.

“Oh? Well, yeah! I would love to do this again.” Smiling bashfully, you stare into his captivating eyes, your breath hitching when he leans in close.

“I really wanna kiss you right now, is that okay?” You can feel his breath against your lips, closing the distance and kissing him instead of answering.

You share a sweet kiss before he pulls away, leaving you breathless. “I’ll talk to you again ya?”

You nod your head, and he bends down to kiss your cheek before walking back to his car. You stand in front of your door, still not believing how amazing your day was before walking into your apartment to settle down.

You crack the sliding glass door to your bedroom, pulling the curtains open to let the moonlight in. The view from your balcony is worth the rent you pay. The lights from the city glowing like festival lanterns, a soothing breeze like ice cream on a hot day.

Dimming the lights you walk to your bathroom for a quick shower, sleepy from the days excitement but still needing to rinse off. After showering you dry off and wrap a towel around your body, tucking a corner into the top to hold it in place. Drying your hair with another towel you look towards your closed door and admire the moon glowing in the sky. Walking towards your bed to grab your sleep shirt, sitting there on top of it was one lone rhododendron flower. Placed next to it, vibrant in the moonlight, shining like a blade, was a crimson feather.

“Oh, come on little bird.” The sultry voice startles you, turning around with a scream before a gloved hand shoots out covering your mouth.

“All the signs were there Dove!” Hawks clenches his hand, squeezing your face until tears well up in your eyes.

“But I guess you were too stupid to heed the warnings.”

You whimper, the sound barely audible past the glove, body shaking, hands clasping your towel that was loosening up.

“Beware! Beware! Hahaha. You should have remembered Dove.” Pulling your face closer, he whispers in your ear.

“I’m a bird of prey.”

[kingdomofvellia]

Trigger warning: This chapter contains upsetting and hateful language about a chronic illness. Reader’s discretion is advised.

Queen Alice: No but really, I cannot express how sad I was finally finding out I was lactose intolerant. Princess Alice: Oh yeah, it must have been horrible. Kind of like when I heard I wasn’t getting a patronage for years. Queen Alice: Kinda! Considering I really had a love for milkshakes... Have to admits yours is worse than mine though, heh.

Nikolaj: What can I say, I’m simply not in it for the long run. Not like His Royal Highness and his ‘3-6-9′ compliments. Leo: You’re such an ass, you know Alice really likes corny things. Scarlet: Ugh... to think some people think romance is dead. Leo: I didn’t think you liked romance. Scarlet: Considering that’s how Anyian men flirt. Yeah.

Queen Alice: So, El, tell me, how’s things going on your end! Are Annie and Eve doing alright?

Queen Alice: Aaaw, that sounds absolutely lovely! ... ....

Tweet 1: [Alice, does anything]: Zara: so anyway, I started bleeding #HRHZara Tweet 2: The vellian bloodline is so inbred the last remaining purebred survivor is literally dying as we speak.💀💀💀 #HRHZara Tweet 3: Alice may be part demon but at least she ain’t dying😂😂😂😂. #DontMarryYourCousin#HRHZara

Tweet 1: Y’all really think @/HRHZara made up lupus for Clout? Damn you’re gross!😡😡😡 Tweet 2: Did anyone else see the side eye King Xander gave Prince Leo after @/HRHZara left? It cracked me up💀💀 Tweet 3: Can’t we ignore @/HRHZara in her attempt for attention and talk about how cute the Véllian prince(s) are instead! Tweet 4: Not only is she sick, but she also is doing her best to hide it. People making fun of her are disgusting. Love you @/HRHZara!

Tweet: Just die already @/HRHZara.

Zara: ...

[f0xfordcomma]

😌♧ (ps I saw yours but I must retire so I shall post in the morn)

hiiiiiiiii lol oops I opted to sleep too so *monkey face emoji that I use all the time but am too lazy to get rn becaus I'm on my laptop*

You’re my: favorite bad influence and THE MOST supportive and lovely human I ever did know. Also, the queen of vegetable and aang dick.

How I met you: I read lionturtle like wayyyyyyyyyy back when and have seen your stuff from time to time when I was like lurking shyly in the corner of the fandom. But then I joined the discord and I have LOVED talking to you there and that one time when I was sad and sick girl (TM) was legit so much fun. I'd be so down for more of that!

Why I follow you: the art you make? the words you write? the things you share? the human you are? all amazing. 10/10.

Your blog is: "slow-cooked artisan kataang smut" I mean? what more do you want? but yeah, you've got immaculate kataang stuff, plus everything else you share. Always a good time. (This question is HARRRRRD to answer lol)

Your URL is: honestly the perfect description of what you make and who you are. a lil sweet, a lil ~spicy~ all perfection. Also also a fabulous was to eat ice cream. Vanilla w a little cinnamon and cardamom over the top? ohh mY GOD. If you've never tried it, do it. Do it now. Vanilla, but spicy. It's so good. Ugh. Me over here w my lactose intolerent ass wanting ice cream now.

Your icon is: PRECIOUS ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? I smile everytime I see it because LOOK at those sweeties!!

A random fact I know about you: you've been married for twelve years (?? I'm shit at numbers but this sounds right??)

General opinion: I feel like I was intimidated by you before I knew you but now that I know you, you are THE sweetest person. I'm always excited to see what you have to say about literally ~anything~ and you are a sex positive QUEEN. (also omg absolutely would hang out with you at a party too!)

A random thought I have: garlic is, in fact, the BEST. My brother and I have talked about getting garlic tattoos (for our mom) but also. I would do it even w/o the sentimental reasons bc garlic = perfect.