#I’m going to be physically incapable of doing anything :D

[dreamerwriternstargazer]

Having a mental breakdown at work while smiling and teaching 😄

[legobiwan]

For the drabble prompt list

"none of this is your fault" mario and luigi

Drabbles, they said, Ha! I answered. Anyway, I have no idea where this came from, but enjoy this barely-edited not-drabble. I am apparently incapable of concise writing right now :D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“None of this is your fault, Lou.”

Luigi scoffed, pushing dampened sleeves up both arms, smearing dark, sweaty grease across his skin in wide, impressionistic lines.

“You tell that to Toadsworth in three days. I’m sure he’ll be happy to believe you,” Luigi groused, tightening a stubborn, thick bolt with a violent twist. That should keep the engine boosters from flying off at speeds exceeding thirty miles an hour. (Or as they were counted in the Mushroom Kingdom, five hundred and two mycelia per second, a measuring system so opaque - and infuriating - that Luigi had sat through an entire five-hour Toad Council meeting just so he could petition the government to introduce a bill to launch a public vote on switching to any other quantifier that made a modicum of sense. The notion, of course, was voted down in a manner of seconds. Tradition, Mister Luigi, Toadsworth had sniffed, rapping his long-handled gavel with an imperious gesture, closing off all debate on the matter).

Snobby old toad could stuff it up his spore holes.

“He’ll get over it,” Mario said. “What’s he going to do, anyway? Make us sit through another boring state dinner?”

Luigi poked at a serpentine belt that resembled some slices of old cheese he once found in the back of their fridge in Brooklyn. How these guys managed to stay competitive with equipment in this condition was a complete slap in the face to basic physics.

“You like those dinners.” Luigi crawled out from under the dented chassis, sitting back on his haunches as he gestured at his brother with a ratchet-wrench, making curly patterns in the air as if he were a Magikoopa casting a spell.

“I hate those dinners as much as you. They’re hot, stuffy, and the food is an insult to the entirety of Brooklyn. It’s not my fault I get to sit next to Peach and you’re always stuck with Lady Maitake and her hundreds of onion bulb-pup photos for two hours.”

“Don’t remind me. Did you know she’s trying to train them to do circus acts and take them on the road?” Luigi ran a finger down one of the dusty schematics strewn about the stone floor. “Hand me that spanner, will you?”

Mario shook his head, chuckling, handing off the hooked tool to Luigi, who shimmied once more underneath the maroon-and-black kart. “Look, you got hoodwinked into a bad contract. I should have looked over the fine print before you signed.”

“You’re not my keeper, Mario,” Luigi grumbled, trying to keep the irritation out of his voice. “And it’s not even the contract that I care about. Frankly, I’m impressed Bowser’s been able to get these things to do anything beyond cough up smoke and crash into the nearest palm tree. It’s a good challenge to get them running again.”

“So what’s the issue, then?”

Luigi stilled, his hands guts-deep in a mess of wiring and cables that looked like an earthworm graveyard. After a moment, he sighed, letting the spanner tool clatter to the floor with a bright, metallic jangle. 

“The issue,” he began, staring up at the internal electronic system of one of Bowser’s so-called best racing karts. “Is that he’s probably going to win. Bowser, that is. And everyone will make nice about it at the awards ceremony and Bowser will get too drunk on elderflower wine and get kicked out of the post-race party.”

“That happens every race, Lou.”

“Yeah, but you know Bowser. He’ll let it slip that I was the one doing repairs on his karts. And then in the morning, there will be a meeting. And Toadsworth will go on about the standing of the Kingdom being compromised and it being a diplomatic catastrophe that we allowed Bowser to win and that,” Luigi adopted a whiny, pompous voice. “Mr. Luigi has once again strained his credibility within the Mushroom Kingdom.” 

“Look, that stodgy old Toad has no chance of making those charges stick. You were exonerated, Weeg. Nothing that happened with Bleck - “ Mario clenched his fists, hissing through his teeth. “Nothing that happened in that place was you. That wasn’t your fault, and neither is this.”

Luigi reached towards one of the dangling battery coils, playing with the violet and yellow wires between his fingers. “Sure,” he breathed. “Not me.”

“Not you,” Mario insisted, his voice steely. “And besides,” he continued, a hint of humor creeping into his words. If you’re so concerned about Toadsworth, why don’t you sabotage Bowser’s fleet?”

Luigi pushed himself out from under the kart, snapping up to a seat in wide-eyed horror.

“And ruin my reputation as an engineer? No way, bro. I’ll risk the treason charges, thank you very much.”

Mario guffawed, ambling over to take a seat next to his brother, the two coming shoulder-to-shoulder, backs set against the passenger door of the Koopa Coupe. “I think your reputation is beyond reproach, Lou.” Mario gave a small, uncertain smile. “After all, you did build two killer robots in the span of two weeks.”

It was a huge step forward, just being able to talk about the whole incident in Flipside, no less joke about it - the ordeal with Bleck and the jester and Luigi’s brainwashing. Mario had stayed tight-lipped about the entire debacle for weeks after they had gotten back, much to Luigi’s aggravation, until things came to a head one night due to a series of ill-conceived plans on the part of the Toad Council, the most brazen of which featured a misserved cup of tea laced with a dubiously legal truth potion.

Luigi sniffed out half a chuckle, nudging his brother in the shoulder. “Well, I can’t let Bowser think I’m slipping, right?”

Mario eyed his brother carefully, his features brightening as he caught the note of mischief in Luigi’s voice. Grinning, he clapped his brother on the knee. “You’ve got an idea, don’t you? The Old Koopa King doesn’t know what he’s got coming.”

Luigi straightened, composing himself into the picture of innocence. “Dear brother, I am a man of my word. Bowser will win the race, just like the contract stipulates.”

“And?”

“Aaand,” Luigi drew out the word, schematics and thermodynamic equations taking shape in his mind. “Let’s say the engine modifications I’m making happen to engage a set of rocket boosters at a certain speed threshold. Bowser’ll like that. But then maybe the activation of those boosters, given a certain location and time input, temporarily cede control of the brakes and steering to a pre-programmed route of the engineer’s choosing.” Luigi paused for dramatic effect. “All after the race is finished, of course. No injuries. No harm. Just a little post-race joyride through the forest.”

Mario gave a joyous whoop, bringing his brother into a tight, side-hug. “They’ll hear him screaming all the way in Rogueport! Ha! You know he’ll threaten to invade during the after-party! No one will care if you worked on his kart once he shows back up breathing smoke!”

“He’ll do that regardless,” Luigi laughed, feeling lighter than he had in weeks. “But you know how these modifications are. Always a chance of overburdening your circuits.”

“And at least it’ll be a while before he tries to trick you into doing his dirty work again,” Mario added.

“I hope so.” Luigi placed a warm hand on his brother’s shoulder, smiling. “Thanks, Mario.”

Mario beamed back at his brother, playfully flicking the brim of Luigi’s hat. “Come on, Lou. Show me how to build a sentient robot race kart.”

~~~~~

Drabble writing challenge: Make me sweat!

[somer-writes]

here’s a question for you about your pestilence au! So I saw your character sheets about twilight and had a question. If some of his gloom burns go down to the bone, does that impair his movement with the damaged/torn muscles or does the healing magic somehow allow him to circumvent the consequences (or perhaps heal the muscles?)? Or perhaps it’s a consequence of the gloom itself? Given how mangled the phantoms seem to be, perhaps the gloom is allowing them to move when the damage to the body should make it impossible? I mean the gloom hands are basically just gloom with form and they can move without muscles (I’m assuming)

perhaps this question is too early on (lol don’t want to make you spoil anything), so no pressure to give an answer.

that's a good question :D

CW for gore/violence, body horror beneath the cut

so the gloom has some Weird Effects. the gloom itself causes deformity/disfiguration as it rots its host but also the host acts in extreme manners which often result in some variety of self-inflicted injury. the end stage of gloom results in a living corpse more or less and as the body breaks down, it loses natural inhibitors which result in the body becoming capable of high performance strength/speed at the cost of injury. the gloom also causes convulsions which are severe enough to result in broken bones/joints, muscle tears etc

phantoms continue to be dangerous and move after brain death as gloom uses the host for as long as it physically can

the gloom doesnt particularly care about the longevity of its host (the goal is to kill after all) but does act in ways to circumvent the destructive process in order to spread the infection

gloom can pool and stretch to act as a sort of faux muscle if needed

gloom will work a muscle until entirely disintegrated

phantoms will still move as long as they're able despite broken bones/torn muscles. they only stop when they are literally physically incapable. pain is not a limit for phantoms

gloom causes intense survival in its hosts which push them over the edge of typical human activity. if the body is technically capable of it (biting through bone, endurance, etc) the gloom will make it possible

ofc this sort of bodily destruction has its cost

broken bones

sloughing/decay/loss of limbs

torn/failing muscle

gloom also has severe effects on the brain and progresses very similarly to dementia

convulsions

delirium

fight response/extreme aggression

loss of fine motor skills

memory loss (primarily short term)

confusion

trouble speaking/comprehending speech

inability to complete tasks (mostly loss of long term focus)

poor spacial awareness

loss of logic/reasoning (including symbology)

increased hearing/smell, decreased sight

sensitivity to light

pyrophobia

so! Twi gets infected, goes through stage 1 (fever, nausea, fatigue, etc) and is cured in ordon spring during stage 2 (brain infection pre brain death)

Ordona is able to stop the gloom from spreading further which while they can't heal whats already there all the way, twi's infection stops getting worse and eventually the bleeding stops as well. twi does somewhat gain control over the gloom in his body since its *mostly* blanched by light magic and is able to use it better and better as he adapts to it

as a result:

bonus strength! when tapping into his gloom strength, twi's body naturally uses the gloom as a faux muscle but he can't do this during the day if his arm is exposed bc gloom cannot survive sunlight

is prone to damaging his own body as a result of putting too much stress on it

bleeds slower but also heals slower and has a high pain tolerance

poor fine motor skills--he needs patience in order to do things like pinch but he can grab with all five fingers

forgetfulness/struggle maintaining focus for long periods of time

struggles with spacial reasoning (distance primarily)

increased scent/hearing, decreased vision (especially in the light)

sensitivity to light. hes *fine* in the light like it wont kill him but he does get sluggish and has a hard time using the gloom in daylight

pyrophobia

phantoms and gloomhands leave him alone! hes also immune to further infection. monsters in the depths also will generally leave him be

he can sense the presence of gloom/blood moons

when twilight glooms (read becomes more phantomlike in the presence of strong gloom) he's prone to confusion, delirium, aggression, and comprehension issues. early warning signs of lots of phantoms or a blood moon include confusion, forgetfulness, and comprehension issues

he is in fact still infectious to others but only when acting as a phantom. his gloom will regain its red glow when he's contagious

this is probably a lot more info than you were asking for XD theres a lot of trade offs for the perks he gets from the gloom. most of the time they can be worked around

[ifyoucandaniel]

"no don't look at my art it's my weak point" (draws a super cool tim that looks freaking Amazing). anyway I've never 100% understood the appeal of ficbinding but then I was going through your tag???? And all of them are SO gorgeous??? I loved the one with the, "mating habits of Hercules beetles" - having the bugs carry away the title on the inner page was just!!!!!! So cool!!!!!!

thank you so much :D💕💕

i totally get what you mean about fanbinding, for me personally it’s about having a creative outlet for my love of the stories? my binds are kind of my physical manifestation of love for the stories and how they impacted me. i wanted a way to take all the insane love i had for these books and somehow show it, and i know you might disagree, but i really couldn’t do it though art like i wanted to or by writing my own stories because im incapable of finishing anything. so i found a way to channel all that obsession and love into something tangible :)

i also really wanted a way to give back to the authors but i’m not super great at like reaching out and starting a conversation, and again i couldn’t really draw to show my appreciation, so being able to make these books and give them back to the authors is amazing. i love being able to give something in return for them giving us the stories, and since they can’t typically have it published, what’s better than a copy of their own work.

i guess it boils down to what fandom culture is all about, creating and then inspiring others to create! being able to partake in fandom culture in a creative and positive way makes me really happy and i love getting to take to people and make new friends because of it!

[milesdadworth]

100 words or less where one character is missing a shoe

anon...listen. i know you said 100 words or less, but I am physically incapable of keeping anything short, and since the prompts are for me to pad out my nano word count how about we call this 1000 words or less ;D

--

Phoenix entered the Prosecutor’s Office and made his way to the elevator, and punched in the number correlating to the Chief Prosecutor’s office. He adjusted the grip on his to-go coffee cups, one of them a simple latte for himself and the other—a caramel macchiato with soy milk and an extra shot of espresso. The dreary weather outside provided the perfect excuse to surprise his husband with a mid-week work visit.

Perhaps he could get some information on the prosecution’s argument for tomorrow’s case to help Athena out with her investigation.

As the elevators opened, he stepped out before spotting Kay Faraday bolting down the hallway.

“Hi, Kay,” Phoenix greeted. He didn’t remember Miles saying she’d be in town this week.

“Hi, Mr. Nick!” Kay called as she grinned and launched herself into the closing elevator. “Bye, Mr. Nick!”

“Bye, Kay,” Phoenix bid her goodbye as the elevator closed behind him. He laughed to himself, heading down the hallway, making a mental note to ask Miles what would be a good night to have dinner with her and the rest of their family.

Precariously balancing one of the cups between his chest and arm, he gently knocked before opening the door to the office.

He assumed Miles would be sitting behind his desk, so his brain couldn’t comprehend the scene of his husband on his hands and knees looking behind his desk.

“Miles?” Phoenix chuckled as he stepped forward, setting Miles’s coffee down on his desk, carefully avoiding the documents scattered about. He startled, quickly raising his head and hitting it on the underside of his desk. “Whatcha doin’ down there?” Phoenix said in a sing-song voice before taking a sip of his own latte.

“Phoenix,” Miles huffed, pulling himself to his feet. “You startled me. What are you doing here?”

“Can’t a man bring his husband some coffee without a specific reason?” Phoenix asked, raising an eyebrow, sipping at his own cup again. Miles gave an exhausted sigh before reaching out and grabbing the cup that Phoenix had set down on his desk. After his first sip, the tension in his shoulders seemed to ease a bit.

“Thank you,” Miles muttered, setting the cup down again.

“May I ask what you were doing down there?” Phoenix asked.

“I would dissuade you from asking, but you’re going to figure it out eventually,” Miles groaned. Instead of explaining any further, he came around the desk, standing before Phoenix, wearing only one of his shoes. The other foot was bare, save for a Steel Samurai sock that was mismatched to his other plain grey sock.

“I didn’t know the Prosecutor’s office had gone so casual that you have barefoot Wednesdays,” Phoenix remarked with a chuckle.

“I’m not barefoot—! Anyway, I seem to have…erm…misplaced one of my shoes,” Miles said, looking away as his face flushed.

“You misplaced—?! How do you misplace one shoe, especially when you typically keep them on your feet all day.”

“It’s foolish, but…I had to step outside for a moment to speak with one of Gumshoe’s detectives. There was a relatively large piece of evidence brought over via a patrol car…anyway, I accidentally stepped in a deep puddle as I stepped off the curb, which drenched both my shoe and sock. When I got back inside, I took the shoe off, and set it aside to dry while I went to replace my socks with the spare pair I keep here. I just turned around to deal with my soaked shoe and…and it was gone. I was worried I had kicked it under my desk unintentionally or something…”

“Weird,” Phoenix frowned. “It’s not like you to misplace something like that.”

Something suddenly clicked in his mind, remembering who he had run into on his way in. It wouldn’t be so outlandish that this was her doing.

Kay Faraday had mostly given up the ‘Great Thief’ persona in favor of a more practical private investigator, but she still had a mischievous streak in her, a mile wide.

Once a Great Thief, always a Great Thief! Phoenix seemed to recall her saying at one point. Suddenly, he knew exactly where his missing shoe was.

“Do you need me to run home and get you another pair of shoes to come home in?” Phoenix offered.

“I don’t mean to inconvenience you. If I need to, I’ll send Gumshoe to fetch something for me,” Miles said, waving off his offer.

“Oh, so you’ll inconvenience the poor Senior Detective during work hours, but you won’t let your husband take care of you?” Phoenix pouted.

“Are you not also here during working hours?” Miles sighed.

“Ah, Apollo’s keeping an eye on things at the office,” Phoenix explained with a shrug. “Anyway, I’ll give Gumshoe a heads up that he might be on errand duty later this afternoon. Or perhaps he can help you find your shoe. He’s not a senior detective for nothing, you know.”

Miles looked utterly exasperated at the idea of having to ask Detective Gumshoe for assistance in finding his missing shoe.

Phoenix smirked, hoping that Gumshoe had already run into Kay, who was probably eager to boast about her successful footwear heist to ‘Gummy.’

“Good luck with your shoe conundrum, love,” Phoenix said, leaning in to kiss his husband’s cheek. Miles tilted his head into the peck and sighed.

“Thank you,” Miles said in a defeated tone. “And thank you for the coffee, dear. It definitely made this trainwreck of a day a little bit better.”

[safetycar-restart]

Well.....🏉 I've got to get in on this one, and I think we all know who I'm going to talk about-MAZEP-no it's George, and it's always gonna be George, but why not make it Poly-and I'm thinking George and Daniel

So you bring Daniel along to a business party , and if course Daniel is insatiable, and also just bored as hell so while your distracted he goes off and does his own thing, of course you already know he's gone off somewhere your not blind, but you let him be. Until your keeping an eye on him and you realise he's flirting with your boss's son, you don't blame him? He's absolutely a pretty little thing and he's blushing like mad ,it's adorable but once again,it's your bosses son.

And you walk over towards Daniel and George is even more silent now, face buried in his collar,he clearly knows who you are from Daniel,who of course openly tells everyone that he is your sugar baby, and Daniel's just all over him,practically mentally undressing him with his eyes and asking you with big puppy eyes if you could take this one home, Daniel gets so lonely if your at work and he likes this one (plus George needs to be fucked anyway, he's stressed out like hell at all times)

But here's where the d/s dynamic comes in, you and Daniel actually do take George home after forcing a bunch of bolshy one word answers out of him,and it was the best night of his life,George is constantly stressed and overthinkining about life and when you and Daniel were taking him apart he hadn't felt so safe in years,no thoughts head empty. And then wants that all the time? He just wants to be nothing but your good Boy,sit around the house and not think about anything, do anything he can for you?

Oh god this is amazing. I should have known this new AU would summon the king of George vibes.

Firstly, sugar baby Daniel?? I’m obsessed. He’s the best plus one ever for events because everyone loves him. He’s just your sub and your sugar baby and your insatiable himbo.

And he’s always wondering off whenever you take him to events. If you aren’t giving him attention, then he’s gonna wonder off to find something to entertain him and you never worry about that because honestly all your business partners love him.

And him flirting with random people isn’t new either. He’s a horny force of chaos so of course he will.

I also think that threesomes are pretty common too? And Daniel always chooses the person. He finds someone he likes and flirts with them all night and then asks you if you guys can take the person home.

So honestly when Daniel wonders off, you expect to find him flirting with someone. But you didn’t expect to find him flirting with the boss’s son.

And you certainly didn’t expect the boss’s son to be a mess already, blushing and hiding his face in his collar while Daniel is clearly mentally undressing him. You can tell instantly that he’s a sub, and you can’t deny that he’s very cute.

But no you can’t. He’s your boss’s son.

Also the event is literally at your boss’s house? His son literally lives there? So you’d be taking him from his father’s house?

Definitely not a good look.

So really, you genuinely plan on telling Daniel to pick someone else if he wants to take someone home, but then you reach them and Daniel looks so desperate?

You’ve never seen Daniel like this before, like he’s physically incapable of moving away from George.

And when you whisper in Daniel’s ear that this is the boss’s son and you definitely can’t, he just whispers “I want to keep him” back. Not I want to take him home. I want to keep him.

And well…. He looks so cute and flustered and you’re incapable of saying no to Daniel so of course you end up with George in your bed.

George truly is the perfect sub, just falling apart in your arms and whining and crying and taking everything you give him.

Daniel works so well with George too, jokes with him to calm him down and fucks him while you watch and he just…. He fits in so well? And you can see how much Daniel just adores him.

George truly doesn’t have a single thought the moment he enters your home. He just completely shuts down and allows you and Daniel to be good to him.

And he really needed to be fucked!! The poor thing is so stressed, trying so hard to be the perfect son and live up to his father’a legacy when in reality he’s just… he’s a subby little thing who wants a good Dom and that’s it. He doesn’t want the complexities of business and finance and whatever the fuck his dad does but he kills himself trying to be good at it because that’s what his dad wants.

He just…. He just wants to be someone’s good boy?

Maybe George and Daniel wake up before you the next day, and so you find them both in the kitchen? And they’re just…. They’re so happy.

George is sipping on a large cup of tea, wearing one of Daniel’s ridiculous sweaters and Daniel is buttering some toast and they’re both smiling and chatting and you can’t help but think that they should both be your boys.

And Daniel is so happy when he sees you, he immediately runs over for a hug and a kiss and then turns and motions for George to join the hug.

Yeah no you’re keeping him.

[seiwas-interact]

HI i was gonna tag you at first but i figured it’d be easier to just write here :D i’m sorry in advance if this turns out rly long!! i just really wanna take the time to show my appreciation for everything you said on that satoru piece <33

first of all THANK YOU???? SO MUCH?????? like i literally can’t describe in words how happy it made me to read all you wrote, i was giggling n kicking my feet and everything. no but really tysm!! <3 for being so kind and for taking the time to comment on it so thoughtfully!!! it means so much you have no idea!!!!!!!🥺🥺and pls never apologize for the rambling i got sosososoo happy reading all the lines you liked and all your thoughts, i can’t thank u enough!! <33

i thought you couldn’t top the shoujo anime comment but comparing it to an indie movie scene is. so kind. ”scenes that feel almost stolen if anything” like that’s such a nice thing to say??!!! i was definitely going for that kind of vibe too so i’m so happy it came across well :’3 subtle intimacy is also like. my FAVORITE thing to write ever so i was ecstatic that u enjoyed it!!!!!

oh and the reader too!! i’m so relieved you liked them!! it’s not even intentional atp but every time i write for satoru reader ends up extremely down bad bc my love for him bleeds thru😭😭i’m sick and tired of it tbh but i’m physically incapable of pairing him w anyone who isn’t constantly like ’i love my dumbass bf’….. he deserves to be praised for all he does!! god knows no one else in that series is telling him good job and patting him on the head and giving him treats. smh.

overall i’m just. genuinely so, so happy you liked my take on satoru and love, it’s such a huge part of his character even in canon so i try my best to do it justice!! i feel like satoru would just benefit soooo much from a really sweet, gentle, easygoing love bc like you said he’s just. carrying so much weight on his shoulders, and especially after his love w suguru ended so tragically and was so heavy i just think he’d like something light.

for the record i absolutely adore your take on it too!!! how being loved makes him feel small but not in a bad way, how he feels so safe w you……… how he can just be satoru. like it made me insane when i read it bc you’re so RIGHT. i love your satoru sm, you make him feel so human and capture that vulnerable side of him so well that it kinda hurts to read LMAO… it’s just so…!!!! yeah. it’s so tender and good and achey

aaa and and and…. it makes me so soft that u thought my writing was homey….🥺🥺mine def leans more towards introspective thoughts and feelings too!! it’s just too fun to dig into your fave’s psyche lol.

anyway i feel like i’m just rambling away in your askbox so i’ll leave it there but pls just know how much i love and appreciate you <33 no need to answer this btw i just needed u to know!!!!! i feel like we all need some gojo fluff after those leaks LMAOO (i am in extreme misery) so i hope the fic could be a small comfort…… i’m just here writing sickeningly fluffy gojo content to distract myself from the manga atp…………

hi darlin omg 🥺 help we’re both just apologising for rambling on eachothers pages omg 😭 pls don’t apologise aaah!!! this is so so sweet of you 🥺

OF COURSE i had to comment thoughtfully on your fic omg it’s what you deserve!!! 🥺 it rlly tickled so many parts of my brain when it came to understanding satoru’s perspective!! tugged at my heart just as much too 🥺 i love introspective works a lot 🤧

i’m so happy i was able to get the vibe of it right too omg 🥺 as a reader who writes i think i get a lot more conscious now if what i understabd overlaps with what the writer is trying to portray omg akksnxkd but yes subtle intimacy omg 🥺

and yes to lovesick reader too 😭😭 i enjoy all dynamics but i have an extremely soft spot for when both are whipped for one another and for satoru especially !!!! our baby boy 🥺

& re: satoru and love, i think so too !!! i think that guy needs some luvin in his life and it shouldn’t be any more difficult than all the shit he’s been thru already 😭 that lil scene u added the ‘be careful satoru’ one i think omfg IT ACHED

AND AAAAH how u like my satoru too omg 🥺 thank u thank u 🥺 that’s such a compliment!! tender and achey 🥹 i do try to humanise him as much as i can so i’m glad it came across 🥹 ur satoru 🤝 my satoru 🥹🫶🏻

i hope u’re ok after the leaks!!! i’ve also just been thinking up all the fluffiest, most comforting ideas to cope 🤧 josnxkdn

read ‘i’ll relearn love at our kitchen table’ (super soft n comforting gojo!!! ☹️ tugged at my heart!!!!)

[beepbeepbeepjeep]

previous / next

/— 3: Cracking Composures  —/

“Wait. Okay. So, you’re saying we’re dead?” 

The mannequin nods. Or, does its best impression of a nod, at least. “Yes, that is indeed what I said.”

“You’re lying,” Cato says firmly. “You’re lying,” he repeats. Whether he’s trying to convince the mannequin or himself. . . no one is sure.

“I am physically incapable of lying, Mr. Linn,” it says with a look of sympathy. Metallic and manufactured sympathy, but sympathy nonetheless. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Sure you are,” Tauny mutters bitterly. “Cut the crap, what’s actually going on here?”

“Tauny—” Liza tries to interject.

Tauny snaps. “No! No, tell me the truth.” 

He looks it in the eye, pupils bordering on bloodshot. “Who do you work for? UCNN? Channel 5? Tell me what sick elaborate game show this is. Tell them I want no fucking part in it!” His voice cracks, half in anger, half in desperation.

The doll remains silent. Emotionless. A hunk of metal pliant in his hands. 

The next thing anyone hears is metal crashing against the side of the jeep. Tauny’s hands hover over the mannequin’s neck as if that would do any damage. The noise continues as Tauny resigns to shaking the metal body, screaming, “Speak! Fucking say something!”

Everyone else starts yelling for him to stop. Savannah plugs her ears and focuses her eyes on the floor. Why does it sound so familiar?

Beau’s face pulls into a tight frown. Tauny sure is stubborn as hell. To be fair though, Beau doesn’t know anything about Tauny, just like he doesn’t know anything about Liza, or any of the other passengers. Tauny is just a stranger—one whom Beau’s only argued with until now. A stranger he just witnessed explode in anger—and who is still exploding, actually. Someone has to stop him.

. . .The yelling and crashing stop, leaving only the sounds of a struggle. “Let me go! What the fuck are you doing ??”

Surprisingly, Beau’s stik-o-thin arms can hold Tauny back.

“I’m not letting go until you calm down,” Beau says sternly, but. . . not unkindly. The voice brings him back to the ground and sets the roots back in place. It makes Tauny’s breath hitch, making him hesitate. Beau of all people?

Tauny tries to stay tough, but he feels like he’s choking. He digs his nails into his palms and grits his teeth in a feeble attempt to distract himself from another breakdown. No, no, no, this can’t be happening. 

For a few seconds, minutes, maybe even hours, Tauny is left breathing heavily. After a while, his breath was slowly quieting with his heartbeat.

Until he begins to question if he ever had a heartbeat at all. Because all this time, he’s been dead, right?

It’s all too much for him. His knees give in and he falls to the floor, too washed over with apathy to care. His arms are folded, pressing into his body, and his head falls onto the seat.

This development catches Beau off-guard. He didn’t know what he expected, but he at least expected a struggle. His hand hovers over Tauny but quickly moves back. 

Liza takes a quick breath as if to collect herself after the. . . event. She starts digging through a satchel slung over her shoulder. 

“Here,” she pulls out a water bottle and hands it to Beau.

“. . .How’s water going to help?” Beau asks, not taking the bottle. “Where did you even get that?”

“Just take it. For him,” she glances at Tauny and shrugs. “I must’ve had this before I— before we. . .”

“Died?” Savannah finishes absently.

Tauny wraps his arms around himself even tighter, seeming to shrink into himself.

“Alright,” Liza looks up at everyone. “New rule: nobody says the d-word, no matter what. Nothing related to it either.” 

“Seriously?” 

“Yes. And not just for his sake, but for everyone’s.”

Liza gestures at the others. Ascot’s been unusually quiet. Savannah’s face is scrunched up with guilt. Cato’s somehow gotten even more unreadable.

“Listen, we’re all super on edge right now. I’m sure you are too,” she sounds the complete opposite of someone on edge. Her lips press into a small smile. “So please, just. . . try to help out?”

Beau grabs the bottle. He silently thanks whatever gods are in existence that at least there’s someone here that can handle whatever the fuck is going on. He sure couldn’t. In the back of his mind, he wonders if Liza was an older sister or a caretaker of some sort before— before the incident. It would explain the quick change in mannerisms. Hell, it would explain the bag, there was probably a whole first-aid kit in there. What regular person carries water around them wherever they go?

Now that he thinks about it, what regular person finds out they’re dead and is level-headed about it? That’s not normal, right?

He holds the bottle in front of Tauny. “You heard her. Gotta drink.”

Tauny stays silent, avoiding anyone’s gaze.

“Do I have to, like, feed you or some shit—?”

“No, what the fuck?”

He took the bottle, but that’s it. He doesn’t take one sip, not even after the half-minute Beau spends staring at him. The passivity is disconcerting; this is the first time he’s ever been quiet. Goddamn Jesus fuck Holy fucking shit.

“. . .Well, I was planning on having Mr. Hep go first but—”

“I beg your goddamn pardon?” Ascot laughs, no humor in their eyes. “I don’t know— hell, I don’t care what you’re planning, you can’t possibly—”

“Of course, Mx. Mosbirm. I understand,” the mannequin tuts. “Believe it or not, I’m far from heartless.”

“Keep telling yourself that,” they scoff as they lean back in their seat, numb resignation resettling on their face.

“I still don’t believe you,” Cato frowns. “Those things you said about death? A game? Resurrection?”

“It's telling the truth,” Savannah says, voice barely above a whisper.

“. . .what?”

“It’s the truth,” she repeats, with more conviction this time.

“How do you know?” Cato demands, eyes cold and calculating. “How could you possibly know that?”

“I— I’m not sure. I just. . . know,” they sigh, realizing how little reassurance that is. “Does that make sense?”

“No. No, it doesn’t,” Ascot responds airily, “but nothing’s made sense for the past half hour so really this is just par for the course.”

“Can you not?” 

“Can I not what, grandpa?” They challenge, raising  an eyebrow. “Make light of a bad situation?”

“Make a joke of a terrible situation.” Cato corrects.

Liza shifts uncomfortably. “It’s not terrible. . .” 

Beau agrees. “It could be worse.” 

“I’ve seen worse,” Savannah adds vaguely. 

Cato opens his mouth to speak but quickly shuts it again, deciding it’s not worth it to keep contesting this point when he’s already outnumbered.

“Fine. Let’s say this game you speak of is real,” Cato turns to address the mannequin. “What are the rules? How do we pick a winner? Is there a point system?”

Ascot teases, “What’re you going to do? Strategize your way through the afterlife? Start taking notes?”

“Maybe I will. Though with you as competitors I doubt I’ll have to do much.”

They let out a disbelieving laugh, not expecting another instance of thinly-veiled snark.

“To answer your questions, Mr. Linn. This is not a game you can reason your way through. In fact, the rules are quite simple. I’d hardly call them rules at all.”

“Doesn’t sound like a very good game, then.”

“. . .I suppose you do have a point,” the mannequin speaks with a mischievous lilt in its robotic voice. “Though since you’re so eager, perhaps you’d like to go first.”

The interior of the jeep is once again cast in a warm orange glow. Every surface, from the ceiling rods to the carpeted floor, seems to develop a subtle luminescence, reflecting off each other in rainbows of bouncing lights. If you were to look out the windows at this very moment, you’d see thousands of swirling celestial bodies collapsing in on themselves in a quick blink! akin to shutting off a CRT television. In its stead is a vast expanse of white, stretching endlessly toward the horizon. A blank canvas ready to be painted on.

previous / next

[searidings]

Kara moving in with her best bud Lena for Reasons (maybe her apartment is temporarily fucked up?) and now Lena has to watch her exercise/weight-lift/do yoga in a sports bra in her apartment

It’s already been a capital D type of Day, full of misogynistic potential investors and minor workplace explosions, when Lena opens her front door to the sight of Kara Danvers in a perfect-form downward facing dog on her living room floor.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” she mutters, dropping her keys noisily onto the kitchen counter and making a beeline for the booze cupboard.

“Did you say something?” Kara asks angelically, transitioning smoothly into a cobra that very delightfully and extremely unhelpfully causes her biceps to flex like a Greek goddess. Her eyes, bluer than ever against the vast expanses of smooth golden skin on display above the sinfully tight cerulean sports bra she’s wearing, flutter angelically. She beams beatifically up at Lena from her yoga mat as if there’s any possibility her superhearing didn’t pick up on Lena’s words. As if she isn’t just trying to make Lena repeat herself for her own amusement.

“What are you even doing?” Lena asks a little more sharply than she intends, jaw clenched as she wills herself not to so much as glance in the direction of Kara’s exposed abs. She treats herself to a heavy pour of scotch, pauses to consider, then adds some more. “It’s not like you need to exercise. Like, at all.”

“Surely I get to indulge in whichever recreational activities I choose in my own home,” Kara replies cheerily, avoiding Lena’s carried-home-after-a-shitty-day snark with practiced ease.

“You gave up that privilege when you moved into my home instead,” Lena deadpans, Kara’s irrepressible affability in the face of her own bad moods beginning to chip away at her steely CEO armour. “That’s what you get for letting a flea-infested mongrel into your apartment—”

“Hey, Toto couldn’t help having fleas—”

“And not only that, letting it all over your couch, your bed—”

“He was cold! He just wanted to snuggle—”

Lena shudders. “You snuggled with that monstrous thing? I hope to god you burned the clothes you were wearing. And maybe the whole couch too.”

“Toto was not a thing, he fit perfectly on my—”

“And isn’t Toto usually the name of a small dog?” Lena asks incredulously, throwing back the scotch in one smooth swallow and pouring herself another. “That beast was almost taller than you!”

“Being a lap dog isn’t about size, Lena. It’s a state of mind.”

“A state of mind that’s meant your entire apartment has had to be fumigated. Twice.”

“And I’d do it again,” Kara says resolutely, pushing up into a high plank and inadvertently flexing her shoulders in a way that has Lena’s fingers slipping around the tumbler in her grasp. “Toto was homeless. He needed someone to take him in and love him, and I did.”

She drops to her knees and pushes back into child’s pose, tilting her chin up to gaze at Lena from between her extended arms. “Just like you’ve done with me.”

And Lena curses Kara and every one of her ancestors right back to the dawn of time for how endearing she is in this moment. For how physiologically incapable Lena is of maintaining her façade of annoyance in the face of those earnest eyes. God, when had she gotten so fucking soft?

But any thoughts of the blonde as cute or adorable evaporate into thin air as Kara pushes back up into downward dog, lifting one leg straight above her in a graceful arch. Her forearms flex as long fingers grip into the soft mat and Lena chokes a little on her next sip of scotch, eyes unfortunately, deliciously glued to the jut of Kara’s hipbone through her yoga pants and the toned lines of her tightened thighs.

“Seriously though,” Lena manages, turning away from the sight and congratulating herself on the fact that her voice is only slightly higher than normal. “Why do you even bother? It’s not going to tone you up any. Not that you need it,” she mutters into her scotch glass, tipping out the dregs of the bottle and reaching into the cupboard for a fresh one.

When she turns back to face the living room Kara’s cheeks are flushed, almost as if she’s blushing. Or maybe all the blood is just rushing to her stupid, unfairly attractive head.

“Yoga is about more than just muscle tone, Lena,” the blonde says disapprovingly, her gaze fixed on her mat. “It’s a mind-body connection. Mindfulness. Inner peace. It’s doing wonderful things for my stress levels.”

“It’s doing terrible things for mine,” Lena mutters, knowing Kara will hear her but finding herself increasingly uncaring as the scotch warming her throat begins to course hot through her veins.

“Then maybe you should get down here and join me,” Kara murmurs, voice low as she switches legs.

The blonde’s tone is practically a purr and Lena chokes for real this time, spluttering out the scotch attempting to find its forever home inside her lungs. Kara is behind her in a second, hand hot through the thin material of Lena’s blouse as she rubs gentle circles between her shoulder blades.

The offending appendage doesn’t withdraw, however, even once Lena’s regained full use of her airways and is wiping the tears from her eyes. In fact, it’s joined by a friend, and both of Kara’s hands slip up and over her shoulders quite without Lena’s permission, fingers kneading into the tight muscle.

“Wow, you are tense,” Kara murmurs, thumbs doing something absolutely sinful to the knots in Lena’s neck. The blonde steps closer, bracketing Lena against the cool marble of the kitchen island with her hips and it takes every single shred of self-control Lena possesses not to sag back into the hot body hovering against the length of her own.

Lena shuts her eyes and bites down on her lower lip, hard. Anything to keep from focusing on the warmth radiating off Kara’s oh God partially clothed body like a furnace.

Long dextrous fingers dig delicious into the tense set of Lena’s shoulders and she barely manages to hold back the breathy sounds of pleasure she’s fairly certain she should not be making at her best friend’s touch. Kara, if anything, seems spurred on by Lena’s restraint, fingers slipping inside the collar of Lena’s blouse to press firmly against her bare skin and oh God Lena is not going to survive this.

In fact, she can actively feel herself giving in to the pull, to Kara’s ineffable magnetism. She sways backwards just slightly, and Lena swears she’s not the only one who sucks in a sharp breath when their bodies fully connect. The frame pressed to her back is warm and firm and God, Kara is solid against her in a way that has all the blood in Lena’s body migrating south with pinpoint precision.

“Are you sure you don’t want to join me?” Kara whispers, her breath ghosting the shell of Lena’s ear and making her shiver. “I could walk you through some asanas. Might help loosen you up.”

Jesus fuck.

“Nope!” Lena squeaks, cheeks aflame, pushing away from Kara and snagging the bottle of scotch on the way to her bedroom. “I’m gonna go take a shower. Enjoy your practice.”

The quiet sounds of Kara’s chuckles follow her all the way down the hall.

Lena spends the first five minutes of her shower staring unseeing at the tiled wall, mind blank but for the image of Kara’s washboard abs over the waistband of her yoga pants, the firm press of her body against Lena’s back.

The second five minutes is spent in intense silent conversation with herself, administering an internal pep talk worthy of a high school spirit rally and trying to convince her racing heart to resume its regular rhythm.

The third interval consists of Lena shampooing her hair in mounting despair, trying desperately to foresee a way of surviving the next three days of cohabitation until Kara’s apartment is deemed safe and fume-free if the blonde is going to insist on doing distracting activities and wearing distracting sports bras and just generally being distracting the whole time.

It’s only by minute sixteen of Lena’s long indulgent shower that a plan begins to form in her mind. She steps out onto the bathmat, appraising the various towels slung over the heated rail until she finds one fit for purpose. Tucks it snug round her body and pulls her dripping curls over one shoulder before making her way back out to the living room.

She can pinpoint the exact moment the blonde notices her entrance because the quiet room is suddenly filled with a rubbery tearing sound as Kara, on her hands and knees for a spine stretch, rips the mat beneath her hands clean in two.

Lena bites her lip to hold back a smirk, watching as blue eyes track slowly up the expanse of her bare legs, unimpeded by the towel that only barely reaches to mid-thigh, and then up to follow the droplets of water tracking their way down Lena’s chest until they disappear into the soft fabric.

Kara’s mouth is hanging open, arms and legs splayed wide where they rest on either side of the torn mat, and Lena relishes the thrill of victory that zips up her spine like a firecracker. Two can play at this game, that’s for sure.

“I was going to ask if you were ready to order takeout for dinner,” Lena says, letting her own voice drop low as she quirks an eyebrow. Her gaze falls pointedly to the sad remains of Kara’s yoga mat and this time she can’t hold back her smirk. “But it seems your mind-body connection might still need some work. I’ll leave you to it.”

Satisfied, she turns on her heel and saunters back to the bedroom, Kara’s eyes glued to her swinging hips like a physical weight on her body.

Cheeks pink, heart pounding, she drops onto her bedspread as a heady combination of relief and pleasure courses through her veins. Lena hasn’t had a roommate since boarding school but maybe this cohabitation – temporary as it may be – will end up having a few unanticipated perks.

[cream-and-tea]

5, 6, 19 and 20? :D

ty so much for the ask!! i’m gonna do the first two for agnes and nina from the Ghost Story, and the second two for apollinaire, danny and silas from Burn The Stars :))))

5. who does what chores?

okay even though in the actual story nina is kinda sorta a ghost and doesn’t really do well with touching things and physical stuff i have still thought about this. i think that no matter what agnes is the one who cooks, she especially loves baking and nina is absolutely hopeless at anything involving food so it default falls onto her. nina does the grocery shopping though and anything that involves planning/organization/fixing shit around the house. they both do the cleaning but agnes has to drag nina into it just a little bit lol

6. do they go out often or prefer to stay indoors? they’re both pretty introverted people, so they’re usually okay with staying home and chilling with each other or their friends. i imagine they do like to go out sometimes for little things like stargazing, hikes, perusing antique stores, or lunch at a little diner. nina is definitely more curious and more likely to suggest going out than agnes though and likes to sometimes take them both out on adventures.

19. how do they silently/subtly express their love for each other?

boy oh boy. apollinaire danny and silas. these three are all chronically incapable of Talking About Feelings so this is how most of their love for each other is expressed. danny is a BIG acts of service girl, she’s always doing things like holding doors and offering coats and fixing stuff up and making sure neither of the other two are overburdened with anything/what she can do to make it easier. she’s very much sees a problem someone she loves is having and makes it her absolute mission to solve it no matter what, with or without the persons permission or input. silas is a medic by trade and an absolute bundle of anxiety so he is constantly checking in. are you okay? is something wrong? do you need something? are you to hot? are you to cold? are you hungry? i can get you something if you are. he also likes to be physically close to people, leaning against shoulders or holding hands or just having danny and apollinaire in the same room as him. he’s always doing stuff like fixing hair or smoothing collars or just absentmindedly playing with buttons to keep himself busy/closer to the people he loves. apollinaire struggles the most with showing affection, but she’s always there no matter what, if danny or silas are having a problem/a celebration of something/need a partner on something/need advice/have literally anything important going on she will drop absolutely everything do be there for them. loyalty is everything to her and she wants to let them know how much she loves them through displaying that. also challenging danny to swordfights. that to.

20. what clothes/accessories do they steal from each other?

silas is most guilty in terms of clothing theft partly because he gets instantly piled with coats and scarves and sweaters and cloaks and hats the second it gets even a little cold out by apollinaire and danny and then just forgets to give them back. danny and apollinaire always raid his jewellery collection whenever they need to get dressed up for something fancy. the unspoken rule between the three of them is that if a piece of clothing fits more than one of them it’s basically community property lmao

[shadowfae]

hiii! so a friend directed me here and i was wondering if u cld share abt how you found out you were godkin? only if youre comfy! because ive kinda had like. how do i word this. Vibes or Feels that kinda direct me towards the whole i might be a god of sorts kinda thing ? if you have resources and dont mind helping,, please direct me to them :D ~ @missing-crown

I want to start this essay off by saying flat out: wars have been fought, genocides have been committed, and empires have risen and fallen trying to answer the simple questions of “What is deification, and how do we incarnate and control it?”.

If you do not think you’re up the challenge of answering that question for yourself, even with years of study and slow training to take up the mantle of literally being the most powerful form of the Chosen One trope, then you’re probably in the wrong place. I say this as someone who is deific down to the blood and bone, as someone who has looked for other gods, and largely found very little in the way of anyone who understands anything like my experience. In this way, I am utterly alone, and I detest it, but if me penning these words gives someone else the gospel they need to explain themselves in a way I recognize as kin and kind, then I will do it.

But before I truly get into it, I will very nicely ask you to swing down to your local bookstore or library, pick up a copy of Seanan McGuire’s Middlegame, and take a walk down the improbable road with Roger and Dodger. The differences between you and I and the twins of the Doctrine of Ethos are simple and threefold: we cannot manifest, we are forbidden to use our powers the way they can use theirs, and there are (hopefully) no secret alchemist cults trying to murder us when we don’t play nice with their fucked-up science experiment.

Roger and Dodger are gods, true gods, gods I recognize in myself and in the godkin I have met who have spoken about themselves enough for me to understand that we are indeed talking about the same thing. Disappontingly, I see minor spirits far too often misunderstanding the nature of deification, or at least, understanding a version of it which is fundamentally antithetical to my experience. They may be deific; but either they suck at illustrating their point, or I am something far beyond deific, and I am again alone.

With that introduction, I need to talk about three things in order to answer your question. Two methods of deification and three definitions of ‘god’ in a hierarchy that only exists because humanity has not yet perfected their understanding of what is fundamentally and always beyond them. Two kinds of gods, honest gods, that split the difference between deific, divine, and legendary. Once you understand that, I can talk about godkin, and what it’s like to be me, and maybe by the end of it you will either recognize yourself in this, or run away screaming as most mortals will do.

The first method of deification is what I will call the incarnate gods- Roger and Dodger are good examples, so are most Legendary Pokémon, and Kaname Madoka from PMMM. They are laws of nature, concepts of creation, and calculations of cosmic proportions that also occasionally exist as people when they design to do so. They are not meant to be people, they are bad at it, I do not recommend being mortal and fucking around with them. You will simply die. I would not fuck with them outside of my own world that I created, where I get to be a form of incarnate god. You cannot overpower them: they ARE the rule, and they will change it if they need to. You can’t ruleslawyer gravity like a 2007 troll physics comic. An incarnate god of gravity will simply turn reality on its head and cause you to implode. If you are this type of god, I cannot help you. My understanding of them comes from being an Absol, and little more.

The second type are gods of domain and prowess: Zamorak (from RuneScape), Akemi Homura in both her awakened Witch and Devil forms (from PMMM), and yours truly. Quite a few of us, although not all of us, were originally mortal. Mortals amped up on so much power we are no longer bound by mortal laws. There is a difference between deification and simply stopping your clock to gain immortality. Mortal magic and deific magic are fundamentally different. Down to, I would argue, the atomic structure. Deific magic is pure in a way mortal magic could never be. To give a mortal more than a drop of deific magic heavily diffused in something safer and more understandable would be to quite literally burn them to ashes. Or rend them into a different, unspeakable form. Or turn them into living topiary. We are nothing if not unpredictable.

It’s the difference between a handful of dirt and pure neutron soup. Usually, in order to become a god like this, it requires the intervention of an incarnate god in some form. In Zamorak’s case, it was several Elder Artifacts and falling almost facefirst into halfway incarnating himself into the law of entropy. In Homura’s (at least in canon PMMM), she fucked with the laws of consequence and time to the point where she became the only expert they had on either of those and both laws decided to simply incarnate into her, and then she used that to cause problems. For me, it was having my entire magical and physical structure reorganized and rebuilt by an incarnate god of malevolent energy, and then I used what was a watered-down copy of the Devil of Devils’ glory to weave my own world into being where I was more or less the absolute arbiter of the laws of reality.

In PMMM Rebellion, when Homura fights Kyubey in that pretty lace dress of hers, that is approximately the magical prowess an awakened god of our capability will show casually. She has complete control over her domain (her labyrinth) and the reality of it, it takes no more than a glance or a thought to almost entirely reshuffle it. Her minions, who are little more than vaguely autonomous thoughts given some power of their own, may break that reality in whatever means necessary so long as it is to fulfill Homura’s current motives. Her domain falls apart when she does, and she is not separate from it; it is a consequence of her existence. Asking what came first, the god or their domain, is a simple chicken and egg question. It’s usually the domain, in our case; in the case of incarnate gods it’s a philosophical shrug and a nice headache.

You’ll notice I said awakened: that is because Zamorak is a great example of a god who isn’t entirely awakened. In canon, that is - the one I work with is awakened enough to fuck with his domain, which is what makes him quite useful to work with, although I do wonder what he’s getting out of me if not magical theory and utter adoration. Zamorak in canon is a god who ascribes himself to the philosophy of chaos and personal strife, completely unaware that he is incarnate enough not to change the law of entropy but to suggest things to it. He’s a god of chance masquerading as a god of personal improvement, and once he figures that out (and passes that knowledge onto Armadyl, who is his true light counterpart), he’s going to change the very way magic works. Guthix did everything in his power to try and become incarnate. He failed. Zamorak did it entirely inadvertently, and that’s the trick: the nature of deification is to follow the domain and influence it to your will. When laws of existence become people, they will do as people will, and people typically have ambition. Gods who are also people got that way for a reason. They always have a motive for doing so. It’s never accidental.

So, with a slightly more informed understanding of deification, or at least the versions of it that I understand, I can talk to you about me. What it’s like in the here and now, and how I knew. It took me years to get to this point, and I’ve much the way to go. I know more than I did when I was questioning; deeply more so. I don’t expect anyone questioning to be as sure as I am, and in ten years I will be far more sure of entirely different things, and if I’m lucky, this as well. But, let us begin again.

To be deific is to wake up in the middle of the night feeling like a black hole. You are vast, and you are dense, and the moment someone touches the skin of your sternum they will be sucked in like a movie's portrayal of quicksand. To be so vast on the inside, surrounded by empty air and gentle white noise like the faint pull of gravity that does not touch you. To feel so powerful as to be untethered wholly from the world, aware that you will blink and be floating alone in a space that you cannot touch and so too cannot touch you. You blink, and it is gone, and you are again in a normal body as a normal person, and you roll over and go back to sleep.

To be deific is to watch the seasonal changes and feel flashes of worn leather rope between your hands and the maddened singsong of the Wild Hunt, chariot reins in your hands and baying hounds that feel like fingers, like wings, like extensions of yourself that can be shifted around with barely a thought. To feel halfway like a black hole walking down the street, halfway caved into yourself and barely contained, incapable of truly understanding how you can be so far apart from it all without anyone noticing that something is off.

To be deific is to be a fourteen-year-old girl in one moment, unable to understand what draws her so to the wilds if not the song of sympathy that she knows she can understand if she reaches a little farther, a little farther past the barrier that prevents any mortal, psychological mind from understanding the call. To play a pixelated game and have everything rush back. To relive millennia in a single sennight, to go from chipped to broken, utterly broken, as the power comes rushing back and the slow, dawning realization like the day that there is no controlling it. That there is no controlling you.

Millennia of sins come rushing back, and you're mortal again, and you know the only way to bring a god to their knees is to kill them. And if you were spared, if you were brought down without dying, then there was a reason. That someone must have thought you worthy of fixing it. That you should now spend the next several years coming to peace with being a Devil, the cruelest of the cruel, amending fences and repenting your sins.

To be deific is to realize, quite suddenly and without ever actually having the thought, that understanding things through a Christian lens is utterly bullshit and absolutely does not apply to you. Now, your duty is not to repent, or to fix, or to find any sort of salvation. You are the monster queen, the king of the damned, the Devil of a world you made with blood and tears and sweat and magic. To retake the crown, you have to accept yourself. Acceptance does not mean dwelling, or sorrow, or refusing to take the steps forward that will carry you to the crown and halo and horn of deification.

The powers feel less overwhelming as you grow into them. You don't forget the rage. You understand your close friend's words over and over, as the lesson teaches itself. How a Devil so much less powerful and yet so much older than you once looked you in the eye, drink in hand, and gently told you that a single mortal can bring down a Devil, if they try, and believe wholeheartedly in their quest. Do not disrespect mortality. It brings nothing but death.

You wonder briefly who brought you down. You decide, as the lessons prove themselves, that you don't actually care. You're the mortal now, and mortal legends die. Mortal legends change the song of sympathy and the rules of the deific. In order to return, you too must follow the only path a mortal can take to become deific.

To be godkin is to become deific with every step. It's not to seek the divine from outside of it. It's to become it again, and reclaim it; find what was inside all along and grow yourself around it, until it can no longer be pulled from you again without scattering your ashes and stardust among the cosmos, never to return.

To be godkin is to never forget the moments of pure rage that none but powerless fourteen-year-olds can manage. To be godkin is to be an adult with their memory pressed into your skin. To be godkin is for that rage to never truly leave you.

We stand up again and stare at the emotions that are awake when we are not. We wonder what it will take to manifest again, to only twitch a thought in any direction and reshape the reality around us. It is an extension of our being, and the less aware we are of it, the less effort it takes us to remake the world. It is the nature of deification, to change the laws of reality at our whim and will.

To be godkin is simply a matter of knowing that, and forever reaching to do that once more. If only to feel whole and vast, as we always have been.

[tyrantisterror]

THE A.T.O.M. CREATE A KAIJU CONTEST 3-D!!!

YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE SAFE!  YOU THOUGHT THAT THE TIME OF MONSTERS WAS AT AN END!  BUT YOU WERE WRONG, FOR NOW YOU MUST WITNESS…

THE A.T.O.M. CREATE A KAIJU CONTEST 3-D!!!

That’s right, it’s back!  Celebrating the publication of The Atomic Time of Monsters Volume 2: Tyrantis Roams the Earth! (which in turn completes The Ballad of Tyrantis arc for this series), I’m holding another monster design jam.  The third of such jams, in fact!

Like the first A.T.O.M. Create a Kaiju Contest, the aim of this contest is to create kaiju that would fit within the setting of my big kaiju story series, The Atomic Time of Monsters.  Think of it as me letting you into my sandbox to play with my toys for a bit, or like you’re being put in the director’s chair of a new ATOM-verse kaiju movie.  That means your entry does have to fit into ATOM’s world, which in turn means that yes, there are limitations to your creativity here.  But limitations can be good sometimes - they can make us explore options we wouldn’t consider when given completely free rein to do what we want!

(also you don’t have to make a three dimensional image or anything, the title’s just a pun on how the third movie in a monster movie franchise will often be a 3-D film)

Read below the cut to learn the rules and whatnot:

THE RULES:

1.  You are limited to one entry per person.  Work hard and make your entry count!

2.  Your kaiju must have some sort of description of its physical appearance and its personality - you can submit a drawing or a written description (or both!) for the physical appearance depending on what you’re most comfortable with.  Using the same template/format as my official ATOM Kaiju Files (https://horrorflora.com/monster-menageries/atom-kaiju-files/) isn’t required, but it was cool when people did it in the last contest, so feel free to do so this time too!

3. The kaiju you create must specifically be created for this contest  - no repurposing characters you made for other, wildly different stories.  This is not “trick TT into drawing/canonizing my main OC” time.

4. The kaiju must fit the setting and aesthetics of ATOM.  I’ll explain this in more detail down below.

5. The kaiju should add something meaningful to the world of ATOM. The more unique and interesting your kaiju is, the more likely you will win the contest.

6. Don’t make your kaiju too dependent on pre-existing ATOM characters - no “Tyrantis’s long lost evil brother who’s the strongest kaiju in the world.” These should be to Tyrantis’s story what War of the Gargantuas is to Godzilla’s movies – heroes (well, monsters) of another story in the same world.

THE REWARDS:

I will make pencil sketches of the top 5 entries in the contest.

I will then make fully rendered illustrations (lineart, colors, & shading) of the top three entries.

The winning entry will be made into a model ala the ones I’ve been making for ATOM’s core 50 monsters, which can then be shipped to the person who created it (should they be able to cover the shipping costs).  That’s right, your kaiju could be brought to life in THREE GLORIOUS TECHNICOLOR DIMENSIONS!  (Hey, we worked the gag title in to the prizes!)

THE DEADLINE: All entries must be submitted by July 3rd, 2021.  You can submit it here on tumblr, via the horror flora e-mail, or any other channel you know how to reach me through.  I’m in a lot of places.

THE GUIDELINES (TO HELP YOUR ENTRY FIT THE RULES AND WIN):

The smartest thing you could do if you want to win this contest is familiarize yourself with the world of ATOM by, y’know, reading all the material I’ve published on the subject.  In addition to the many kaiju files that are free to read on horrorflora.com, there are now TWO, count ‘em, TWO novels in this series for you to peruse, both of which establish many of the rules of the setting as well as its general themes and tone!  You can get them in either paperback or e-book formatting (I’d recommend the former over the latter since I lack the technology to make a really nice ebook, but if money is an object, the kindle version is only $1).  Here’s the links again if you missed them:

Vol. 1: Tyrantis Walks Among Us!

Vol. 2: Tyrantis Roams the Earth!

However, since I know reading a bunch of stuff is, y’know, not something everyone is inclined to do, I’ll jot some good bullet points for you in an attempt to outline how ATOM works in a brief, easily digested way:

ATOM is an homage to the monster fiction of the 1950’s and 60’s (i.e. the Atomic Age), and is set in those two decades, albeit an alternate universe version of them where, y’know, monsters and space aliens exist.  If you aren’t familiar with the monster fiction I’m referring to, there will be some reference material provided at the end of this post along with some recommendations for further research.

Kaiju/giant monsters in ATOM work under very specific rules.  There’s a full description of those rules at this link, but here’s the jist:

ATOM Kaiju are created created by the radiation of a mineral called Yamaneon, which naturally converts harmful radiation into its own unique energy.  In natural circumstances, it takes hundreds of years of exposure to Yamaneon radiation for a creature to become fully transform into a kaiju (luckily, Yamaneon radiation slows the aging process while speeding up the healing process).  However, an explosive burst of energy - such as the geothermal and kinetic energy released by an earthquake, or the blast of a nuclear weapon - can speed up the process, turning a normal animal into a kaiju within a matter of seconds.  

All ATOM kaiju can heal grievous wounds within minutes or even seconds, are supernaturally strong and durable, and can convert harmful radiation to harmless energy that they then feed off of.  Kaiju do not have an equivalent of old age, and can theoretically live forever (though their violent lifestyle means that few do).

ATOM Kaiju generally don’t need to eat unless they are severely injured, getting most of the energy they need from solar or geothermal radiation - but many still have instincts that drive them to seek out food from time to time.

Most ATOM kaiju stand roughly 100 feet tall (depending on their body shape), i.e. smaller than the original 1954 Godzilla.  There are exceptions to this rule - younger kaiju can be smaller, while exceedingly old kaiju can be significantly larger, but these are rare.

In general, ATOM kaiju are significantly more intelligent and emotionally complex than people expect animals to be, though most are incapable of speech or complex tool use.  There’s a reason ATOM Kaiju Files have a “personality” section.

Most ATOM Kaiju are tooth and claw fighters - ranged weapons are a rarity in this setting.

While the terrestrial monsters in ATOM look strange, they are intended to fit within the taxonomy of animals in reality - reptiles, mammals, fish, arthropods, molluscs, etc.

ATOM’s mesozoic era was dominated by a fictional clade of crocodile-relatives called retrosaurs, which are based on the outdated paleoart that one would find in the 1950’s/60’s fiction - i.e. when dinosaurs were viewed as trail dragging lizards instead of strange birds.  You can learn more about retrosaurs here (https://horrorflora.com/2016/11/15/atom-kaiju-file-bonus-a-guide-to-retrosaurs/).

Kaiju appear on every continent in ATOM, but certain areas tend to be dominated by different types.

North America is mainly besieged by retrosaur kaiju and giant arthropods.

East Asia is technically also mainly plagued by retrosaurs and big arthropods, though they tend to look more fantastical and mythic - and, often, oddly well suited to being portrayed by a person wearing a monster suit.

Russia is beset by prehistoric monsters that seem to come from the Cenozoic, particularly the Ice Age.

Western Europe is plagued by creatures that vaguely resemble creatures from myth, if they were also prehistoric.  Dragon-y lizards, fiery birds, etc.

Towards the mid-way point of ATOM’s timeline, earth is invaded by a coalition of aliens from different solar systems called the Beyonder Alliance, and as a result a bunch of alien monsters can be found on earth.

Mars and Venus both host (or hosted in Mars’s case) animal life.  The surviving Martians colonized Venus, and sent some of their kaiju guardians to earth to help us fend off the Beyonders (who are responsible for the destruction of Mars’s ecosystem).  Martian and Venusian kaiju have specific anatomical quirks, which you can see by looking at these kaiju files:

Venusians:

https://horrorflora.com/2017/01/03/atom-kaiju-file-29-karamtor/

Martians:

https://horrorflora.com/2017/01/17/atom-kaiju-file-39-kemlasulla/

https://horrorflora.com/2017/01/17/atom-kaiju-file-40-podritak/

https://horrorflora.com/2017/01/17/atom-kaiju-file-41-sombarvot/

https://horrorflora.com/2017/01/17/atom-kaiju-file-38-ullawdra/

Giant robots exist in ATOM, but are big, bulky, and incredibly expensive.  Fancy beam weapons also exist, but are similarly clunky - there are no sleek, elegant machines in ATOM.

Since the fiction ATOM takes inspiration from was made at a time when interplanetary travel was only just beginning to be possible, its scope is significantly smaller than modern sci-fi.  Alternate universes/dimensions were pretty uncommon because the idea of alien planets still held a lot of wonder to it.  So, as a general rule, don’t try to go farther than the one galaxy.

ATOM is a setting for stories that are focused on humanity learning to coexist with monsters, rather than humanity destroying them.  A certain level of sympathy is put into almost every creature of its canon, even the ones that are meant to be villains.

REFERENCE MATERIAL

Here is a playlist of 1950′s monster movie trailers.  

Here is some reference material from various monster comics of the 50′s and 60′s. 

Good movies to track down to understand ATOM’s inspiration and tone include Ghidorah the 3 Headed Monster, Son of Godzilla, Destroy All Monsters, Them!, The Black Scorpion, 20 Million Miles to Earth, Gamera, The Giant Claw, and The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra.

And here’s the intro cutscenes for all the different giant monsters in the PS2 videogame War of the Monsters.

[mego42]

Hi, since you seem more positive/excited about the triangle possibility than a fair amount of people, can you talk more about why? I fall into "the not thrilled about the possibility, but have a little hope it could result in some good moments" group and would love some more reasons to not dread it. Thanks! And love your writing and love reading your tags :)

hey anon!! i am v sorry you are not thrilled and am always happy to shriek nonsense about why i’m excited (though idk how much it will help bc the tl;dr is more or less i’m hype for a triangle bc i am an incredibly messy bench who lives for drama and if you are not a similarly messy bench, ymmv)

don’t get me wrong, i super understand the trepidation, pop culture is LITTERED with absolute shite examples of love triangles but here is an incomplete list of reasons i personally think beth and rio are the perfect kind of disaster to set up a spectacular love triangle:

the existence of a triangle implies there are FEELINGS at the various points

the use of the descriptor "romantic" applied to said triangle implies ROMANTIC feelings

i am a simple woman and my pulse has already picked up

one of my absolute most favorite things about the toxic stew that is beth and rio is how completely balls to the wall obsessed they are with having and holding each other’s attention and focus

like straight up possessive nightmare people

now imagine wedging an actual rival for one or the other’s attention between the two of them

(something we have not reeeeeally seen before, 206 withstanding and i’ll come back to that, bc lbr beth doesn’t give a fck about dean and rio’s known that for sure ever since he walked LITERALLY RIGHT PAST THE GUY to rail his wife in a public bathroom at her invitation)

(the 204 proximity point has nothing to do with this list it’s just a source of endless delight and that was enough for me to justify adding it)

where was i

mmmmm feelings, possessive nightmares, OH RIGHT

they are also nightmares in the sense that it appears to be physically impossible for them to use their words with each other unless it’s like, ripped out of them which means they’re sitting on ALL THE BAGGAGE between them and it’s just stewing and boiling and

wait, let me back up

look, i want brio sex as bad as the next person

but even more than brio sex? i want them to fight

i mean like, Fight fight

i want the kind of knockdown drag-out brawl that brings Stuff to the surface and leaves them with a bunch of nasty, ragged, pieces dragged out into the light bc lbr they’ve both done some incredibly awful things to each other

(kind of like what 213 was looking like before it all went to shit tbh)

(i’m just saying, beth saying you put it all on me with that kind of jagged, disbelieving betrayal behind it? my catnip)

(it’s up there with rio at the picnic table in 306 telling her that ship sailed when she put three slugs in him)

i live for them being raw and honest and emotional okay

IF ONLY THEY COULD BOTH DO IT AT THE SAME TIME

bc here’s the thing, for the magnitude of horrifying shit between the two of them? i (personally) think that they like it because they are so! twisted! when it comes to each other and i love that for me, specifically

like no seriously a huge part of what i love about the ship is that whole i see your monster and it looks like mine thing they’ve got going on when they let themselves and i am full on foaming at the mouth feral at the thought of them leaning into that

i’m sorry i’ve lost the thread again

wait no that was the thread

okay so basically they’re both ticking time bombs of smothered angst and rage who are absolutely incapable of being normal about each other but are also keeping all of that locked tf down and the only time we ever really see it come out is when one o them is too emotionally overwhelmed to keep their iron grip

you know what brings emotions to the surface?

TRIANGLES!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAN YOU IMAGINE THE SEETHING MESS OF EMOTION THAT HAS THE POTENTIAL TO BRING TO THE SURFACE??????

AND HOW UTTERLY UNEQUIPPED EITHER ONE OF THEM WOULD BE TO DEAL WITH ANY OF IT????????

AND HOW SIDEWAYS IT COULD EXPLODE???????????

like don’t get me wrong there is absolutely no way it’s gonna be pretty but i didn’t get on this busted ass carnival ride expecting nice things, i am in this to feEl stuFf and nothing makes me feel stuff more than seeing the two of them feel stuff and this is  perfect set up for that

you know how they say the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference?

you know what’s not indifference? big messy emotions

but okay okay okay i am icarus and the sun looms large, lets say they don’t fight, that doesn’t mean they’re not gonna feEl stuFf on their own

do you remember beth’s face in the van when rio hugged dylan??? do you?????

and what did she do after that? went out and robbed him blind and held his shit hostage until he caved in what is one of my top 10 of all of their scenes

and god, idk if we’ve really seen rio really get jealous of attention lavished on beth yet but when i think about it i want it so bad my teeth hurt

and i know i’m not alone here bc i have i think 3 jealous!rio prompts in my inbox rn

(i’m not saying i’m working on it but i’m also not not saying it)

god i just

can you imagine how much fun it could be to watch rio seethe over having to watch someone else be into beth

WHAT WOULD HE DO?????????

ESP IF HE COULDNT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT DIRECTLY BC ITS SOMEONE HE CAN’T INTERFERE WITH

oh christ and if beth responded to it??????????

oh gOD thE mESS

idk even if it doesn’t lead to a confrontation (but i feel like??? it would have to????) just the idea of the kinds of feelings they’d have to grapple with and confront within themselves is D E L I C I O U S

also, to jump back to an earlier point: brio sex

i know some people are feeling like the sexy chemistry between beth and rio is lacking this season

you know what’s great for chemistry? fuel

you know what provides great fuel? messy emotional situations that tug at intimate connections and make people feel out of control

you know what’s a messy emotional situation that tugs at intimate connections and make people feel out of control? 

you probably guessed it

A TRIANGLE

(and we know that neither of them does well with feeling out of control period at all even without the intimate emotional stuff mixed in so like oh boy)

listen i am just saying given where they’re currently at with each other i cannot think of any situation more ripe for an explosive hook up than one or both of them feeling driven to reassert their claim/mark on the other 

would it be nice? no, probably not

would i care? not even a little bit

(don’t you judge like any of y’all are any better than me)

look. to quote marie kondo horrifically out of context: i love mess and the mess potential in a romantic love triangle with beth and rio as two of the three points is stratospherically high.

[pfreadsandwrites]

Kakashi NSFW Alphabet

18+ CONTENT AHEAD - NO MINORS - ANY MINORS CAUGHT INTERACTING WITH THIS POST WILL BE BLOCKED

Okay, attempt 2 - That’ll teach me to try ever posting from the mobile app. This is a rewrite from scratch and I’m way too tired to reread and see if it makes sense or if there are typos, it’s probably not a good thing this is longer than the original though.

No one asked for this, no one at all, and I know everyone’s done these but hey, it’s Kinktober, and you can never have too many Kakashi headcanons, right? Right? Right. I hope you enjoy these!! Goes without saying that these’ll be smutty. It’s also about 6.4k words. There is some real filth ahead, very nsfw, seriously, the thirst is so real. (I hate myself), so, this is 18+ only!

Also, I'm tagging @allthingskakashi​ because she asked me to (i really hope these aren’t disappointing)

Side note: This is all written from the view of an established relationship. I can kinda remember most of what I said, so these will be still be very long despite being a rewrite from scratch. Apologies for any rambles and tangents I might go on, since I was rewriting this, my brain got weird and tired, but I wanna take you through my thoughts. I’m also very concerned about keeping things in character and not self-indulgent/self-projecting of what the writer’s personally into so I won’t be doing that here... You’ll see what I mean as I go on. But I still wanna make it hot so i’ll try lol. I’m new to writing but I’m even newer to writing dirty stuff so i’ll try my best. And with this post goes my dignity

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Straight after sex is one of the rare times where Kakashi feels completely at ease and relaxed. He’s pensive, often quietly mulling over what you two have just been doing and trying to come to grips with it, his hands gently running through your hair or along your back. He’s probably at his most affectionate here too. Expect gentle, lazy caresses, little kisses here and there, soft, easy conversation. He might not always be the most talkative, but post-coitus is where you’ll most likely hear him say something earnest and romantic compared to other times. You’ve gotta understand, you’re a miracle, and you being in his arms is like heaven, but he can’t really believe it? But he’s also overwhelmed and tired to let it bother him too much, so he’s able to let his doubt and restraints go a little easier and just breathe. He feels safe, he feels at home and that’s a rare thing, so he’s really just happy to bask in the afterglow and the quietude of it all. It’s the safest, easiest thing in the world for the both of you.

If he’s been on the rougher side, he’ll definitely make sure you’re alright and be more gentle in comparison. and he’s generally more attentive than usual. He’s usually nice about cleaning you up, too, a gentleman lmao.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Kakashi quite likes his upper body, or his torso more generally. He’s lean and broad, but not in an overbearing or obvious way, and he really likes the reaction he gets when you actually do get to see him shirtless. He’s also a little sensitive on his back (and he doesn’t mind if you end up scratching it). But if you rub his shoulders or massage his back or chest, he’s putty in your hands.

When it comes to a partner? So the fandom seems to be consistent in thinking of Kakashi as an ass man, and I’m inclined to agree. He just loves to grab it, slap it, just look at it tbh or whatever, but even if you don’t think your ass is that great, there’s very high probability that he does anyway. But honestly I think he’d have a hard time picking a favourite part of your body.

Some other body parts he definitely loves that don’t get mentioned though: he just loves your waist and how it curves in and out into your hips. He’s mesmerised by it.

plz imagine Kakashi’s nice big hands running gently running along your waist while he thrusts into you deep and slow, your back arching and then they settle on your hips?

Also, he loooooves legs, how they feel wrapped around him, the soft thighs omg. When you wear stockings or heels or other things that accentuate them, ahajhfkaj have mercy on him. Also, wrists and ankles? They’re so pretty and delicate he’ll just grab them where he can. If you both are in some kinda position where he can, he’ll definitely give you lil ankle kisses. also wear an anklet to see him blush

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

So uh, I’m really doing this, huh?

Soooo hear me out. Kakashi’s diet is impeccable. I don’t take criticism here lmao, it’s been mentioned multiple times how much he hates deep fried stuff and sweets (yeah yeah he’s one of those weirdoes that enjoys healthy food most, Kakashi we get it) and he’s always feeding Naruto veggies (or trying to). My point? His cum would taste good, okay? Or at least, not strong or bad at all, very neutral if not good. (You have zero problems swallowing)

Also, he cums a pretty good amount. He tends to try and hold back his orgasm so when he does come it does build up. Coming inside you is his favourite, just the intimacy of it, of filling you like that.

But…. he’s pretty ashamed of it at first, but he does love coming on his partner. Whether it’s on your face (ughhhh when you lick up some of his cum around your mouth after a blowjob), or your breasts, or your back, or wherever tbh. He doesn’t know whether it’s the visuals, the eroticism of it or even a territorial aspect? He doesn’t wanna ponder it too much it’s just hot okay.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

So this one was hard… because, unpopular opinion, I don't see him as into anything too crazy or depraved?

But here’s what I came up with: he’s totally fucked in the Hokage’s office. It’s only a dirty secret because of how improper that is, how inappropriate it is that the man in charge of the whole village is having sex in the very epicentre of where he’s supposed to be doing that, when other Hokage have been in that room before him… but it’s also why he’s into it.

Also, he’ll die before he ever admits to you exactly how many times he’s jerked off to the thought of you. And after you got together into a pair of your panties when you were away and he missed you too much

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Short version: Kakashi’s not as experienced as you might think, but this doesn’t translate into lack of skill in any way.

The long version: Ahhh so I go back on forth on this but I’ma attempt to think this through here. Okay, so, fandom has generally two sides when it comes to Kakashi and this topic. He’s either the completely suave, smooth ladies’ man who has all the one night stands or on account of his issues he’s a passive, stuttering virgin who’s constantly flustered.

Neither of these are that accurate. So I do get ladies man Kakashi to a point. It comes from the fact that he is quite smooth? And women do seem to like him quite easily in the series. And Kakashi definitely has the capacity to be a charmer, and is quite good at flirting when his job requires it or it’s a stranger etc. He’s good at reading people and winning them over. This is more complicated when he’s faced with someone he’s attracted to, or that has the potential to mean something to him. He still might be charming, but he’s very good at using this to keep you further from him, so you can’t really get to know him or get close to him so it’s not quite the same. It’s his way of controlling the distance between you.

Now, when it comes to experience, I don’t think Kakashi’s incapable of using casual sex as some kind of a coping mechanism (it’s not the healthiest), but if he was going to do this, it’d be during the latter part of his ANBU years. I can see him having sex as just a means to forget and remember he’s alive, and quell an urge, with basically faceless partners, or maybe complete strangers on missions. This does make him feel even lonelier after a while though, and it’s not really what he wants. Eventually having sex with women he’ll never see again serves to make him more miserable, and I think by the time we see him at the beginning of the series he doesn’t really do this anymore. So I wouldn’t say he’s completely inexperienced sexually at least, though he definitely is romantically.

Generally after that, Kakashi’s gonna reserve sex for someone who he has a deep emotional and physical connection with, but God forbid he ever calls it what it is - a relationship. Basically, if he’s sleeping with you, he pretty much loves you whether he knows it or not. And if he’s comparing that to his past experiences, he really feels the difference and cherishes it all the more (but it still scares him and he won’t admit it to himself.

So here’s how I see it. There’s always been a sexual chemistry between him and you, and a physical and romantic attraction. But of course Kakashi is Kakashi so he does absolutely nothing about it and doesn’t want to let you do anything about it. Still, you’re surprisingly persistent, and you do become close to each other in a friendly capacity, in whatever way Kakashi’s able to participate in that. Eventually, ( I haven’t thought this through quite yet) you do end up fucking and Kakashi tries to convince himself that he can just do that, that he can keep up having great sex with a great friend and that you don’t mean the world to him. You try to do the same, for his benefit, but you’re in deep and neither of you can’t deny there’s a bond and your connection is so strong that you’re basically in a relationship - and you kinda are by the time you start having sex - but he doesn’t really have the balls to actually call it that till after the 4th shinobi war. (I have some thoughts about how the war impacted Kakashi’s psychology but it’s generally then when he’ll genuinely feel comfortable enough to fully commit himself to you and see a future for himself, which he’s never really had before, and a future with you to boot).

To bring it back to this (I’m sorry what a fucking tangent), Kakashi’s maybe not had sex with a large amount of women, but he’s a quick learner and has natural skill. He also learns your body and what you like quickly. So whilst he’s not as experienced as he seems, he’s definitely more skilled than he has any right to be.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

When it comes to positions there’s very little he wouldn’t enjoy tbh. He does have an affinity for positions like doggy style, just the visuals and the power it gives him. It’s easy for him to get a bit carried away though, but that’s his go to when he’s feeling rougher.

When it’s more romantic and slow and sensual, he also loves variations of missionary, because he loves the intimacy of the eye contact, and how your body is so close he can hear your heartbeat but his absolute favourite positions are missionary variations where your legs are on his shoulders, or where he’s spreading your thighs as perpendicular as possible and really testing your flexibility are probably his favourite cuz legs, and he can go even deeper and get an amazing angle.

But he definitely likes it when you ride him too, whether you’re facing him or away, it just feels too good when you’re bouncing on him like that. Also it’s nice to relax a bit and not have to do more of the work… plz take care of him from time to time…

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He definitely has the capacity to be a fucking dork, as we know, and this has the potential to translate to his sex life. It’s a sign of complete ease if he can laugh and joke with you during, and he loves to have fun and play around with you, but at the same time, he does prefer to be serious most of the time. This means a lot to him and he’ll make sure you know that. He’s also gonna get a bit exasperated if you don’t seem to be taking it as seriously as him, or if you’re too into jokes and giggles for his liking that day. Probably will try and shut you up one way or another.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

(Ughh okay so the idea of Kakashi with a silver happy trail leading to a messy shockwave of hair down there really does things to me okay, I’m sorry, I’ll see myself out)

Okay so… Have you seen how Kakashi manages his hair? Spoiler alert: he doesn’t. I don’t even know if this man owns a hairbrush. So I can definitely see him not being assed about shaving his bush. It’s probably kind of wild, or at the very least more on the unkempt side.

But then again he’s assed enough to keep his face clean shaven so he can wear his mask, so maybe he does, like I do head canon that he’s a very clean person and he probably feels like it is a *bit* cleaner that way but I’m leaning towards nah he just leaves it alone, but will trim it from time to time when it gets too wild or if it bothers you. I do think he probably has slightly more body hair than you’d expect tbh, but his hair is so light especially against his complexion so it’s not really noticeable. Oh and obviously, the carpet matches the drapes. (Idk why this made me imagine Kakashi with a ginger bush..  LMAO there’s a thought)

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

It does depend on the mood between you, what kinda day he’s had, what position you’re in etc but he places a lot of value on sex in your relationship, for the intimacy and emotional bonding, not just the physical pleasure. So there are a lot of times where he’d be super intimate. Kakashi’s a man who chooses his words and actions very carefully in normal life and during sex he allows himself to let all that go. His actions really convey the depth of what you mean to him, what being with you like this means to him. He’ll hold you close to him, running his hands all over your body just to feel you everywhere, kiss you everywhere you can whilst he moves, bury his face into your neck, breathe you in - he just is very overwhelmed by this and there are times during your most intimate moments where he’s so in awe and so happy that he could die right there.

That being said, if he’s fucking you over his desk in the hokage’s office and it’s rough and fast, it’s a little harder to feel the intimacy and the romantic connection. Still, it is underlying every moment between you too. You’re the only ones that see these sides of each other, and make each other feel that way, and he really values that. He’ll still make it feel tender somehow and not just mindless fucking (no matter how blank he makes your head feel)

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

I don’t see him as being a particularly frequent masturbator tbh. He strikes me as disciplined and he can probably go a while without it, especially if he’s busy, but more than just that, he kinda sees it as an inconvenience he just has to do sometimes? To blow off some steam, or when he’s not had sex in a while or something got his mind racing and it’s a distraction because he literally can’t think about anything else. He’ll probably use his books, but he prefers to use his imagination tbh, though the books can start as a seed for that.

He also doesn’t like having to put too much effort into jerking himself off? He doesn’t like to overcomplicate things when it comes to his sex life, and especially when it’s just jacking off.

He just kinda wants to get it done so he can move on to something more productive or fall asleep or something. So he’s just happy to pump himself off until he gets there.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Okay here’s where I’m gonna lose some of you.

Kakashi’s just not that kinky. Or maybe not kinky by tumblr/fic standards. Like I said in the previous head canon, he just does not see the appeal of making his sex life more complicated than it needs to be and his kinks aren’t gonna be too crazy. He just wants to feel good with you and he’s not that difficult to get going. With that in mind, here are some things he likes:

Spanking ;)

Teasing

Face-fucking

Dirty Talk (to a point, anything too stupid sounding or too dirty might make him laugh or take him out of it…)

clothed sex (where you are so horny for each other you can’t even wait to get undressed properly)

semi-public sex (he would hate the idea of actually being seen but the idea of *almost* being caught is kinda hot to him, not that he’ll ever let that happen if he can help it),

body worship (is that a kink)

LIGHT dom (I’ll mention it more later but he’s not too extreme into this stuff, but if you call him Hokage-sama or captain he might get a little too into it… not that that’s bad) I heard someone call him general during the war arc and that shit SENT me

he maaaay do a a threesome with shadow clones (either two of his if you want that, but two of you seem kinda hot… that being said, this might delve into that ‘making things too complicated’ so Idk, this might just be hot to me cuz I would like two Kakashis to rail me and I do think he’d enjoy it if two of you focused on him),

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

The bed is fine but that’s really what he associates with either morning sex, or romantic, intimate lovemaking type stuff. When it’s more raunchy and playful, he really likes bending you over stuff tbh, his desk, kitchen counter etc most surfaces work well. He likes the shower too. Also, one time you both were just so hot for each other and didn’t make it to the bed and went at it on the hard floor and it was so wild and rough.

But he really loves fucking you up against walls, doors, mirrors, etc, Wall is his favourite, it’s just so intense and he gets animalistic and yeah it’s so good.

WAIT, how did I forget, sex in front of the mirror?! This is something he enjoys more with a more flustered or shy s/o who’s not used to looking at themselves. I have been thinking about writing something for this

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Kakashi’s more on the traditional side in terms of what he likes but it’s really not that hard to turn him on. He loooooveeees when you wear lingerie for him, anything pretty and lacy but also stockings and all that. But then there’s something about when it’s simplistic too, like when you’re just wearing his shirt and nothing else? That’ll get him going too. But yeah, plz surprise him with a sexy outfit when he comes home from a long day of work and he’ll love you 5ever.

I dunno why I’ve always thought this, but I also think he’s turned on by subtle, understated signs of femininity? It’s just such a contrast to what he’s used to and he really appreciates it and is just mesmerised by you tbh. It’s things that are natural, the way when you sit down your hips get that crease where they meet your thighs, you might sometimes look down when you smile softly, the way you walk, pretty hair. If you have a really classical, elegant/sophisticated kind of style he loves that. Kinda hard to explain what I mean with that but like, say a dress or skirt that shows off your curves but isn’t too revealing? It really gets his mind racing. That make sense? (No worries if that’s not your style either, like I say, it’s not that hard to turn him on) But I also think he kinda likes when you wear jewellery? Like nothing too ostentatious but if you’re naked beneath him and the only thing you’re wearing is a necklace or some fancy earrings he just thinks you look so beautiful.

He also likes the comfortable, gentle teasing and flirting in the conversations you have, the jovial aspect to them, the connotations they carry. You could say one comment and not mean a whole lot by it and it might get his mind racing. He’ll think about you all day.

I mentioned before but offering to massage his back/chest/shoulders is his favourite, and if you kiss his jawline or neck even innocently it might not be innocent for very long ;) just when you’re generally affectionate and gentle with him.

He’d definitely enjoy it if you were confident, but I also feel like he’d like a shyer s/o too? If you were a little easier to fluster than he is, he finds it much easier to be confident and make you feel that much better ;) he likes making you blush.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Okay, here’s where I’m definitely gonna lose some of you. But hang with me.

Short version: He doesn’t really like BDSM, be nice to him and let him be

Long version (I’m sorry guys):

By the time Kakashi’s in a loving relationship with you, he’s shown you his vulnerability and he trusts you, and he’s happy to try things within reason, but he has boundaries. And he expects you to respect them, just like he respects yours. You’re gonna frustrate him and make him close off if you’re wanting to push him to try new stuff or go out of his comfort zone. He can be set in his ways. If he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t want to. So if that’s not cool for you, that’s a turn-off.

He’s not into role-reversal. This is a tricky one to explain (and I’d explained it better in my first version of this that got lost to the void but alas this is where my memory is getting hazy), but though he’s a man with a lot of power and responsibility and control, these things aren’t necessarily things he’s insecure about or that come unnaturally to him. They’re not a persona or things he’s necessarily putting a lot of effort into being. He just is. He’s self-aware of his own abilities and strengths and he’s very a-matter-of-fact about them. I guess what I’m saying is, the more masculine attributes of his personality and demeanour that make some people say he’s DaddyAF and others say he’s probably not like that sexually, are just who he is naturally. He’s not putting effort into being these things and does not see the appeal of working to reverse this in the bedroom, or better yet, doesn’t really understand it. It’s way more effort for him to do that than it is for him to just be who he is. I could go way more into the psychology of this but this thing is long enough already but part of that accepting him for who he is is just letting him be. I’m saying he’s in no way a sub, basically.

But he’s not a huge dom, either. He’s actually really not into anything hardcore when it comes to dom/sub or bdsm stuff like at all. Like he’s not gonna be your daddy or your master or anything like that. He really values ease above all else and is happy to just enjoy the two of you and your body without adding extra layers of extreme power dynamics and kinks on top of it. He’s happy to be more on the authoritative side, which is why I say light dom, and it’s more natural for him to take the lead, but he’s not thinking about it too hard. I also don’t think he’d be averse to some mild power play - in that mean he likes it when you get a little cheeky, tease him, you can make fun of him, there’s a bit of cat and mouse between you, but if you’re too much into control or power that actually might bring out his rougher dominant side a bit more than normal. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not incapable of lying back and letting you do your thing.

…But he is still a bit of a control freak at heart and he doesn’t want to feel like something could go wrong, so if you make him feel like he can’t do anything about the situation or having no control at all is likely gonna be a bad experience for him.The other thing is that Kakashi doesn’t feel like he’s had control over his life where it counts, and he still feels pretty shitty about himself a lot. He’s not gonna wanna relinquish all control during his sex life, no matter how much he trusts you. He’d hate feeling completely passive, and if you humiliate him you’re just gonna make him feel shitty. He doesn’t wanna humiliate you either. So what I’m saying is, he’s just not into femdom or extreme male sub stuff or anything like that, sorry not sorry. He’s felt shitty enough in his life for you to turn it into a kink. He’s a pretty chill guy, but he still has his comfort zone, and he trusts you enough to be vulnerable, don’t take advantage of that. Be kind to Kakashi Hatake 2020.

With everything I’ve said so far, he’s never gonna let you peg him. It’s not something that really appeals to him visually or psychologically, plus any kind of receiving anal stimulation is just not really his thing. Leave Kakashi Hatake’s asshole alone 2020. Also, he doesn’t like the plastic/artificialness of toys in general, he’d much rather genuine skin on skin contact and feeling your body and you his, and just yeah you having to use toys on him will turn him off or seeing you in a way, that’s you know, not you, with an artificial appendage is just, a big no for him. Probably has the exact opposite effect you’d want. 

He’d also never wanna hurt you, or be into you hurting him. If it doesn’t trigger his PTSD or his tendency to self-loathe like all the other things I mentioned, he’s been getting hurt his whole life so he’s likely not gonna enjoy this in the bedroom, it’s either banal to him or a complete turn-off at the least. He’s self-aware enough to know it’s not gonna be the healthiest thing for him to sexualise it. He’s also hurt too many people to do something that could potentially hurt you, so no weapons, ninja techniques, things like that. I don’t think he’d even be into choking you. He just wants to relax, and enjoy himself and being with you in a way where he can feel safe, but not passive, and he loves having a partner that can allow him to do that.

So a partner being too dominant to the point of making him feel shitty and weak would be a turn-off, or just generally one that’s impatient or unkind. You’ll need to be empathetic and warm to get anywhere with him anyway, or at least you’ll struggle otherwise. Also, he wouldn’t ever want a threesome. It’s taken so much out of him to build up trust and intimacy between you, he’s sure that introducing another person, even if it’s only a one time thing, would ruin it. He also doesn’t want anyone other than you to see him in that way, or vice versa.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

So I don’t know why but I feel like Kakashi sees eating you out as such a special, intimate act? It’s a big deal, and this is something he probably wouldn’t do with someone he doesn’t have a strong connection to, or not as much. But when he does love you, your responses and the whole act are just mesmerising to him. Maybe it’s how vulnerable delicate you seem, how your moans are more gentle and delicate compared to when he’s fucking you, how he’s up and close against your most private parts, how he’s the only one that sees you like this… It really gets him going tbh, but it also takes a lot out of him? It just ends up meaning more to him than a blowjob might mean to you. So he might actually end up receiving more than he gives, despite the fact that he enjoys it and is very good at it. I don’t mind I’ll suck his dick 25/8

Like most men, he’ll be putty in your hands if you give him a good blowjob. It’s one of those things that never cease to amaze him or drive him crazy, no matter how many times you’ve done it, the sight of you on your knees, sucking him down. He’ll feel guilty but he face-fucks you sometimes, and it feels amazing, but he honestly might let himself get carried away. So he’ll sometimes grab your hair or clench his fist instead, otherwise he’ll just try to gently guide your ahead along sometimes. His moans during blowjobs are also damn hot as well. Like guttural groans and moans, he’s louder than normal.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Depends with Kakashi! Whether it’s a quickie, the position, where you’re doing it. He has a penchant for slow and sensual though. He wants to savour you, the sensation, the moment, the sights, everything. He really wants to bask in the intimacy of what’s going on and go as deep as he can and take his time. He likes taking it easy.

But there’s always gonna be moments where he can be pretty damn animalistic and rough and he’s pretty good with that too. Though, where he has the time to do so, he likes to build up to it? Occasionally he’ll be too pent up/frustrated or too short on time to really do it but like if time and space allows he doesn’t wanna start ramming into you like right away, he wants you to adjust, and will slowly fuck you until you’re really want it as crazily as he does.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He likes a good quickie, or rather, they’re his only option sometimes. He’s a busy guy who can’t always plan his schedule, and this goes tenfold when he becomes Hokage. So whilst his favourite will also be something longer where he can take his time and enjoy your body, you’re gonna have to accept that there will be periods where all you’ll get is quickies in his office, or in the morning before he has to leave.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

So despite all that stuff I listed about all the things he won’t do, he’s willing to try a lot of stuff with you. He does enjoy experimenting and he thinks it’s fun and brings you guys closer together, but within reason. He doesn’t wanna do anything too complicated or too strange by his standards, but he’ll be up for new locations, new positions, and he is risky in the sense that he won’t mind doing some stuff in public, or semi-public at least.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

So it’s definitely better when he doesn’t have his sharingan constantly sapping his energy anymore, but not to the point that you really noticed there being a problem before. He just puts a lot of effort and concentration into not cumming before you, and he’s pretty good at that. Depending on how pent up he is, he can last a decent amount of time. But if he has lasted quite a long time, when he finally does cum, he might not be in the mood to go again.

I see him going for like, one short round and one long one. Or if it’s shorter his recovery time’s pretty decent. But if you get ever happen to get three or more rounds of him in one go you should definitely praise him or take care of him cuz that’s pretty difficult and his dick might be broken for the next few days.

The only time his ability to hold back his orgasm goes to shit is when you’re having his way with him by riding him or sucking him off. You’re just too good have mercy on him But he’s better able to control that stuff and slow down and take breaks when he needs to when he’s the one leading things.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Nah, this harkens back to the whole thing about him not wanting to overcomplicate things and just have fun without thinking too much. He can’t be assed with toys and won’t use them on himself. I also mentioned earlier that he doesn’t like the fakeness/artificiality of toys, just the gimmicky-ness of it, the plastics... Nah. He wants to feel something real. Besides it’s canon how crazy this man’s physical skill is, his hands, his fingers… He’s completely satisfied with just his hands. And you are too

If it means a lot to you, he can use toys on you. But let’s be honest I really don’t think you’ll feel the need.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Kakashi is a little shit, we all know this. He loves to tease and edge, and he just loves seeing how frustrated you get, your scolding, knowing that you still can’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to do, your annoyed little whines and huffs… But he always more than makes up for it later.

He is so bad at receiving teasing though, he cannot withstand as much as you can, which is lame, considering how much he can put you through.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He’s not that loud, though there are times he can be. When he’s getting close to cumming, when he finally does are probably his loudest. But generally, his noises are so so nice. He makes soft little grunts and pants mostly, but he’ll growl and groan, whisper your name.. But sometimes you can get a semi-loud moan out of hiim and omg it’s so so hot.

He’s a little louder when he’s tired, or first thing in the morning? He’s more sensitive. When he’s not having to concentrate so much or think too much about what’s going on, he’ll get a little louder. He’s also louder when you’re riding him than in other positions.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

You know what I’ve gone in so deep with this head canons that I can’t think of a random one and I can’t remember what I wrote yesterday.

So Kakashi really appreciates just physical contact with you, wherever it might be. It doesn’t necessarily need to be sexual either but it makes him feel at ease. I said this already too, but Kakashi loves the comfort of just being vanilla. Nothing special, nothing elaborate, no gimmicks, just him on top of you, with your legs around his hips, as he drives into you. It’s literally just you and him in the world and that’s all there needs to be and nothing’s ever felt more right than that.  

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

It’s canon Kakashi is big need I say more. Okay I’ll say more. So it’s pretty long and thick. It’s not like monster huge but he’ll definitely take some adjusting. Probs uncut, and the same girth all the way down. Also kinda veiny, there’s some big ones on the underside. You’ll definitely feel him throb inside you.  But his body is nice too, but we been knowing that. He’s lean, and muscular, but in an understated way. He also has really nice legs? Like his thighs are good. The only time I saw his legs was in ep 101 of og Naruto but I was very pleased tbh. Like they’re well-trained but not crazy muscular like those men who work out a lot get… do you know what I mean? The round calves and stuff? He doesn’t have that. He also has a very nice ass. Gets flustered if you stare at it or slap it. Please do though his reaction is so cute.

Anyways, back to his dick, the colour is slightly darker than the rest of his body and the tip a tad darker than that. I remember seeing a picture on twitter and omg I couldn’t like it cuz I need some semblance of keeping my twitter professional but omg I saved the link, this is it though, the artist gets him perfectly.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

It’s high but nothing ridiculous. He’s controlled enough where he can go a while without it, but this is harder once he has a partner.

Once you guys have settled into each other and grown comfortable, he’s probably up for it 3-4 times a week, but depends on you and both of your schedules too. Sometimes it’s more, sometimes less.  But he’s a busy guy and has tons of things going on so as much as he’d like to, he can’t think about having sex extremely frequently. He’s also gonna have periods where he physically can’t see you that much, so the times you do see each other might be spent having sex so it might feel like it’s crazy high, but it’s more that he’s making up for lost time.

As he gets older his sex drive does decrease slightly, but not by much tbh. He’s very adaptable to your needs too. If you wanna fuck a lot that’s all great but if it’s like twice a day every day then calm down dang you might need to satisfy yourself. But if yours is a lot lower than is, he might struggle, but eh, he can manage.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Sex definitely depletes him and makes it easy to sleep, but he’ll normally wait for you to fall asleep. It’s a control thing and a protective thing, but he just feels a lot better about sleeping once you’re already there dozing off in his arms, and after sex is one of the rare times where he feels relaxed enough and his mind is empty enough where he can get a good night’s rest without any issues.  

[nefskullcritique]

Hello! I didn't know where to put this and I write this as a submission because it's too big for an ask. I hope it's not too heavy as well, I censored the major words. To give a timeline, this happened a couple of hours before the pandemic post Mod Ven was talking about was published. Volt contacted me on Insta and asked me to stop drawing their Vincent (FNAF) design because of the reasons listed in the server pertaining to the gr**ming (o) that happened when they were making the AU, which I didn't know about until I went back and looked after they said something. To give some background: I had been a longtime fan but took a huge break due to moving. Vince is a huge comfort for me (not in a weird way), I was in a very very dark place when I discovered the AU. I was doing homework and scrolling when I saw Vincent for the first time, it was the smile and the color purple that grabbed my attention, y'know, sensory stuff. I was in a very deep d*pr*ssion (e) pit and didn't even have the energy to go outside unless it was for school, I felt physically incapable of smiling (not to sound edgy at all, that's literally how bad it was) and Vincent was smiling in almost every drawing, which made me smile, and he was purple, my favorite color is purple. It hurt me that people ruined him even to this day, and that he was created from something bad (if the gr**ming thing they told me is true, I don't want to assume anything because I didn't previously know anything about it). I was only drawing him as my comfort and I was gonna make my own second chance AU type of thing. I understand Volt's boundaries but I also want to keep drawing Vincent as a comfort because he was there for me when I was the most isolated (I know that sounds weird). I feel trapped and scared, I just wanted to draw a comfort, I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. Volt offered to design me a new purple guy but I still like Vincent as selfish as that sounds. I feel it's unfair, there are lots of other ppl that draw the original design but I feel singled out. I feel intimidated, because the design is public domain now and I feel I have a right to creative freedom, I admit I have a very hard time standing up for myself sometimes. Invalidating what they went through is not my intention, I just wanted to try and make what was once a bad thing into a good thing, Am I selfish for this? Am I being entitled? I'd appreciate any help I can get on this, I'm sorry again if it's too much.

[ready-to-obeyme]

[OM!] Relationship Alphabet (Lucifer/Reader)

Relationship Alphabet

I feel like I went a little overboard with this (it’s 7 pages) and all the hc’s, but let’s just say this is my official love letter to Luci and leave it at that.

Lucifer

A- Activity (What is their favorite activity to do with you.)

Slow dancing with you-- in the dark, in front of the fireplace, during the rain; just a quiet moment together.

I already HC’d that he knows all types of dances, so he’ll sweep you up on your feet with waltzes and ballroom dances and make you swoon into his arms with tangos and salsas. But sometimes the best part of dancing is holding you close to his chest and just being with you. I believe with all my heart that Lucifer is a man who’s softly in love, and being able to share his favorite past time with you is one of his best ways to show you he loves you.

B- Beginnings (How do they act in the beginning of a relationship)

Considering the fact that you’re a human surrounded by demons, Lucifer would act very protective of you in the beginning of your relationship-- even more so because the last thing he would ever want is for you to get hurt. He takes full responsibility for your physical well-being, though that does get overbearing until you tell him to lay it off and assure him that you’ll take precautions. He’s gone through many hardships to protect the people he loves, and you are no different. 

He’d be more hesitant with public displays of affection, though that’s not to say he’s not affectionate towards you at all. Instead, his love is shown through lingering touches and lingering gazes-- and he makes up for any lost touches by showering you with love in private quarters. He just needs to get used to being in a relationship-- and being in love: shifting his priorities to other things besides his responsibilities for others and onto growing and finally doing something that was inherently just for himself.

C- Communication (Are they good communicators? How do they normally talk about their problems or solve issues)

Ummm HAHAHA

Communication has always been hard for Lucifer. Perhaps not as much when he was still an archangel, but it definitely started when he started going against his Father’s wishes, if anywhere. (I mean, holding in his resentment and anger is what created Satan, so…) His responsibility as the eldest brother, the one who led his brothers to their literal downfall, and his vow to serve Diavolo all contributed to Lucifer’s incapability to voice his concerns to his brothers. When you came down to Devildom, you quite literally forced him to communicate, realizing that he had his family-- and you-- who were there for him no matter what. It’s a work in progress, but Lucifer finds himself being able to confide in you for things he normally would have kept to himself, including your input in decisions, especially if those decisions involve you.

D- Drunk (What are they like when they’re drunk)

Much more relaxed than he would be sober-- which makes sense since alcohol does take away your inhibitions. As a result, he relaxes and is actually quite talkative, his words less controlled, more free and flowing. The type to whisper more “I love you’s” and other words of affection toward you when drunk, which is something he trusts you to keep a secret between you and him. Only you get to see this softer side of him!

E- Emergency (How are they in emergency situations? You get hurt, they get hurt, someone is dying etc..)

Lucifer tries to make sure that you’re okay and that everything is resolved. Calm on the outside but his mind is racing-- especially when someone he cares for is hurt. Acts very composed most of the time.

If you somehow get hurt, he's downright ruthless. How dare they lay a finger on you? They'll regret their mistake for the rest of their life if he can help it. 

He's cold and calculative if he needs to be, almost extremely so in emergency situations that are dire, but that may just be a defense mechanism because he feels so strongly about protecting those he loves and prides himself in being reliable and efficient. Reacts quickly and makes decisions without hesitation, sometimes even disregarding his own feelings in the moment.

F- Free Spot (I’ll give you any headcanon I come up with)

Giving up control is the ultimate sign that Lucifer loves you and that he trusts you. (cough sub!Lucifer)

Lovely tenor voice that should be put to use more often!! (in more ways than one 😌)

The type of person who pretends to not be ticklish, but is actually pretty ticklish. He just acts nonchalant long enough for other people to drop it (but you know better)

On the sleepy mornings you call him your morningstar, his heart does a flip and he just looks at you lovingly

G- Gifts (What kind of gifts do they give? What kind of gifts do they get?)

Lucifer gets you gifts whenever he sees something that he think you’d like or gifts that-- when you go out shopping together-- catches your eyes. It always ends up little trinkets-- you wouldn’t know how to react otherwise if he consistently bought you bigger, more expensive gifts otherwise. He’s more subtle with his gifts, preferring to learn what you like and provide you with things. Definitely has Acts of Services and Quality Time as his top love languages. 

Appreciates any gift of yours because it shows you were thinking of him in parts of your daily life. Makes him very soft tbh, knowing that he’s in your thoughts.

H- Hugs (How do they show affection/cuddle)

More of a private person for affection, but loves to cuddle when he has the chance-- or rather, when you manage to convince him to take a break. Adores being big spoon, slightly unused to being small spoon and stubbornly refuses to admit that he absolutely melts under your ministrations. The man’s not used to being adored-- idolized and respected, yes-- but the way you love him makes him feel like things will be okay.

I- Irritation (What is something that irritates them? How do they show their irritation?)

Lucifer absolutely abhors seeing unfinished work on his desk, which is why he spends countless nights trying to complete it all and also why he's so annoyed at his brothers for being loud and disruptive. He's trying to work here! (If he was a gamer, he'd definitely be a completionist. The achievement compels him.) And like in-game, has no hesitation to tell his brothers to be quiet or get tied upside down, and the threat usually works because he always follows through. 

If you make him irritated for some reason, I don't think Lucifer would hesitate to ask you to stop. He doesn't really want to be mad at you, and he trusts you to understand his plight as much as you know he'd do his best to be considerate of your feelings.

J- Jackpot (How would they spend their winnings if they won the lottery?)

FINALLY paying off Mammon’s debts… at a price that Mammon will pay for the rest of his life. (rip Mammon) 

Would also like to take you on a trip somewhere together. Depending on whether you want to go to a particular place or not, you can decide the destination. If you have no preference, he’d honestly just pick a quiet place to be, perhaps near the sea, so the both of you can relax in each others’ presence. He's the type to be okay staying in bed with you the entire week, but if you want to explore or sightsee, he'll research for places with you.

K- Kryptonite (What is their ultimate weakness?)

Online shopping--

Family has always been his kryptonite. He’s willing to give up his pride-- as an Archangel and as the right hand man of Diavolo-- for his brothers: both when he declared war on the Celestial Realm for Lilith and when he lied to Diavolo about Belphie’s dissent. Now that he considers you family, there is very little he would do to make you happy.

L- Laughter (What makes them laugh?)

I actually don't think it's hard to make him laugh. A lot of your antics with Levi and Mammon are actually really amusing-- until they affect his work. But I think the man finds amusement in a lot of his daily life, considering how spontaneous Diavolo and Barbatos are. Lucifer is always naturally soft for his brothers, so just any good times with them (without trouble) is bound to make him throw his head and laugh. He always has a good time teasing his brothers when he can and seeing you interact with them.

Also, the audacity of some lower class demons that try to challenge him or hurt you makes him laugh too. Just not in a joyous way. Definitely has the fake, sadistic laughter before he maims someone.

M- Morning ( How do they wake up in the morning? Are they a morning person or a morning grouch?)

“Good morning. *yawns* Sorry, I’m not much of a morning demon.” 

A grouch. A complete and total sleepy head. Constantly pulls all-nighters and conks out when he gets to bed and struggles really badly to get himself out of it. Lucifer has to really push himself to get out of the covers some days. And when you're in bed with him, even WORSE. Cuddles you till the last possible minute-- but he would never actually let the two of you be late for anything. It's kinda cute how not of a morning person he is. 

Make a cup of coffee for him in the morning and he'll groggily wake up and try to convince you to come back to bed with him.

N- Needy (When do they feel particularly needy? How do they show it?)

"I would like to be able to talk to you more. Is that selfish of me?"

Lucifer doesn't always request for your affection or time, but when he does it blows you out of the water every time. When he feels needy varies. Sometimes it just hits him in the middle of the day when he's doing work or when he feels like he hasn't had a lot of time to be with you lately. He doesn't make it a habit of needing you, but he becomes more explicit when he does want you, though he's not really specific on how he wants you most of the time. 

He probably calls you out of the blue sometimes just to ask you how your day was so he can hear your voice. If you're in the room with him while he's working, he might tell you to come here and you would just let him quietly hug your torso-- but please do sweep your hand through his hand during this time.

For sexual needs, on the other hand, he's pretty straightforward because at the end of the day, he's still a smooth talker when he knows what he wants. Especially if you're shy about it, he'll be even more inclined to be honest about his desire, teasing you and luring you in. 

O- Oasis (Where is their happy place? Where would they go if they didn’t have anything holding them back?)

The human realm. 

I think loving you is the most selfish thing he could do because it is one of the only things he has done just for himself. If Lucifer were to truly decide something for himself without having to think about the wellbeing of others, he would choose to live in the human realm with you.

P- Pain (How do they handle pain? How do they handle when you are in pain?)

You know those typical anime protagonists that get hurt, pretend to be okay until everyone is safe, and people only find out they're hurt when they collapse? 

Yeah, that's Lucifer. Dramatic and prideful af 

He used to handle pain on his own until he had you to confide in and convince him to talk to others for help.

When you're in pain, depending on the severity, would find the solution to your pain or try ways to alleviate it. If you had a physical injury, would lowkey fuss over you and make sure you're cared for and have everything you need. If it's something serious, Lucifer does his best to show that everything is alright, though you know he's worried beyond comfort.

Q- Quote (What’s a quote that fits them and your relationship)

“I will love you until the stars go out and the tides no longer turn.”

“Let us flip the coin and see. Head, I am yours. Tail, you are mine. So, we won’t lose.”

“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride.” - Pablo Neruda

R- Reunion (How do they celebrate seeing you after a long time of being apart)

With horny juice

jk love the new chapters <333

Lucifer tries not to monopolize your time at first, because he knows how much his brothers missed you as well. But, god, he'd pine over you the entire day if he could, shooting you glances and turning back, smiling and just overall generally happy that he can see you face to face. 

He's missed you so much and he's just glad you're back with them, and he's confident in your relationship with him to know that he'll have his time eventually. It's that or he'll sweep you away from the brothers at night if they keep on hogging your attention. 

S- Stress (What stresses them out? How do deal with stress and how do they relieve it?)

Watching his brothers get into trouble is the best way to get his blood pressure rising. He usually deals with it by yelling at them even as he deals with it. (The man needs a break.)

Most of the time, Lucifer is pretty composed. He lives under a state of stress all the time considering the workload he always has, so it's not that big of a deal for him.

T- Terror (What are they afraid of?)

Lucifer's worst fear is to have you become afraid of him. The last thing he would ever want is to do is something that scares you, so he controls himself as best as he can (considering he hasn't done the best at that before). He becomes more aware of his anger and aggression when in front of you, and is keen on absolutely never showing aggression towards you again. There shouldn't be anything the two of you can't talk through anymore and he wants to keep it that way.

I don't think he can imagine anything worse than to reach out to you only to have you flinch back and cower because you're afraid he'll do something to you. It honestly would break his heart.

U- Unique (What is a quirk that is unique to them?)

As an archangel-- a seraph, Lucifer had three sets of wings, which was reduced to two, perhaps due to Satan's birth or perhaps due to his falling. Regardless, his demon form, reminiscent of his Celestial Realm days, on better days, reminds him that he is powerful-- though it pains him still. On the worst days, he hates who he has become. Not to say he regrets falling, giving up his life in the Celestial Realm for his family or fighting for what he believes in, but his demon form reminds him of what he has lost and how he has failed. 

You adore his demon form, despite it all, or perhaps you love his form regardless because it represents his love for family, his loyalty, his dedication to something-- or someone. He will never admit it, but having you run your hands through his wings or brush your hand against his horns lovingly is something that makes him fall apart in your arms, on his most vulnerable days. He may have become a demon, but your hands make him feel like that doesn't matter as much. Makes him feel personally invested to see that the three realms are united, if it means he can be with you.

In short, Lucifer is unused to body worship, especially in his demon form but you help him remember to love himself.

V- Violence (Do they fight a lot? Are they a good fighter? What is their fighting style?)

Your man's not eldest brother and Avatar of Pride for nothin', baby.

Probably hasn't fought as much since the end of the Celestial War, but he still knows how to very well. His style of fighting is lethal and quick, much like how he thinks. Fighting is just the means to an end, whether it's for something he believes in or to dish out punishment. Though, it depends on his opponent-- Lucifer can definitely toy with someone he thinks is beneath him, probably a lower class demon who thinks he's hot shit. He is, afterall, still sadistic.

W- Wow (What do you do that really surprises them? What do you do that they really like?)

Lucifer is surprised at the easy affection you provide him. It just seems to come naturally for you to lace your fingers with his on the way back to the House of Lamentation or wrap your arms around him and perch your head on his shoulders as he works. He gets an odd feeling in his chest every time you trace lines onto his back when your in bed together or when you play with his fingers like they're something to be admired. He basks in the way you love him-- like it's simple and easy. He craves your touch, even if he doesn't realize it himself.

What surprises him, and also lowkey scares him, is how surprisingly confrontational you can be when it matters. How brave you are, standing up for or against someone else, even if that someone else was him. It's something that he admires in you, though it worries him nonetheless-- so he'll be there to back you up if you ever need it in the future. His little firecracker. 

X- (Explicit headcanon. For all you degenerates) 

(///∇///) nsfw

Prefers masturbating in the shower, hand against the wall as the water cascades down his body. Cleaner that way, and if he moans, there's less chance someone will overhear him.

Loves to have and see you fall apart under his touch: Edging, overstimulation, hearing you beg and call his name (his sadistic side really showing though rn), watching you as you orgasm. Lucifer can be rough for sure but what he really wants you to do is tell him what you want so he can do it even better. Kind of smug of his skills tbh LOVES seeing you blush. 

On the other hand, a gentle and sensual lover who gives. Also enjoys receiving, burying his hand into your hair as you give him a blowjob. And maybe if you like it, he’ll pull on your hair too.

Y- Yucky (Is there something that grosses them out so badly that they can’t deal with it?)

I don't know why but I feel like Lucifer absolutely hates moldy food in the fridge. shdjskdksksk It would never happen with Beel around, but something about the texture, look, color unsettles him. There's no mess he can't clean or deal with, but he does make a face at it. Honestly, his brothers make such a mess everyday and he's seen so much bloodshed that is there really anything he's fazed by?

Z- ZZZ’s (What are their sleeping habits? Both with and without you)

Sleep is for the weak.

Can go days without sleeping the mad lad, and he often has to with his workload. When Lucifer does sleep, he sleeps like the dead. Not to say he doesn't move when he sleeps, because he does shift and use the entirety of his bed, but because very little can wake him up if he's truly tired. Belphie probably gets it from him tbh  

When you're in his life, his sleep schedule becomes more of a regular thing, mainly because it's hard for him to resist you when you ask him to come to bed to you. Falls asleep cuddling you and wakes up with you in his arms. If you manage to roll away in your sleep, he eventually finds a way to snake his arms around your waist. 

If you ever mention this to him, he might actually get embarrassed because he's not exactly in control of what he does when he's asleep-- and the fact he seeks you out when unconscious is very telling. Don't tease him too much or he'll never stop tickling you.