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#I’m talking about ‘they control the world’
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HIV and COVID
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A major barrier to preventing the spread of HIV is accurate test results.
There is a high chance there are many people with HIV that have it and do not know. We do not know how long this undetected time period is (lentiviruses are often associated with long periods of time of virus activity that goes undetected- 5 to 10 years or more), but there is a chance many individuals with HIV go undiagnosed for many years. Individuals during this time before an HIV diagnosis complain of fatigue and many undiagnosed disabling symptoms during that time period. HIV is able to cause changes to immune cells that prevent HIV tests from finding the infection. Some people get negative HIV tests when they are HIV positive. This means you could be HIV negative, but still have HIV in your blood and can spread HIV to other individuals.
Getting a COVID vaccination (and sometimes other vaccinations like the flu vaccination) can help the body identify HIV hiding in the body. This allows earlier treatment and intervention. Once HIV has been identified, it also reduces the risk for all individuals in our population to be exposed to more severe infections.
Getting tested regularly for HIV used to be part of our federal public health recommendations.
This just further emphasizes why this information is so important to know and healthcare needs to start testing for more diseases in more people and do these tests more often.
People often assume their infection came from an unfaithful partner, but in reality HIV has been spreading unknowingly to many in the medical community and still in the public sphere no one is talking about it like the huge deal it is.
This potential means people could be raped as a child, never have sex again, never encounter drugs, and then be miserable & living with an active HIV infection into their early 20s and they would never know. Once they got a positive test result they would have no idea where the infection even came from.
Our entire understanding of these types of diseases has to change and the seriousness of this topic has to be addressed by the world. This was theorized as a mechanism of HIV spread due to how many people were getting diagnosed but had no identifiable cause of their HIV, but now it’s proven and right in front of us. This is disastrous.
To everyone that told the truth about how they didn’t know how they got these types of diseases & how they had no idea where they got it from then faced judgement from others and even the medical community- you aren’t crazy.
On behalf of everything these types of diseases did to destroy families, relationships, and your body, I’m going to apologize right now for all the individuals that I know won’t ever give you an apology for what they did and what they said.
I believe you. I always did.
Without you telling your truth , we never would have been able to figure this out about HIV.
HIV is spreading in “HIV negative” individuals to other individuals as some researchers theorized.
The mRNA vaccination technology developed is now the foundation for the next generation of HIV treatment and disease control. We must continue to push and advocate for improving the lives of all people with disease and we all just took a huge step forward.
You do not have to be sexually active to develop HIV. Your sexual trauma doesn’t have to define your life for the rest of your life- you are stronger than you know and braver than you feel.
Find a place to get tested for HIV here:
I still recommend getting a NAT or “viral load” test done as the first test to see if you have HIV.
I think considering what we know about HIV and in consideration of all the things we still don’t know that this is the safest option. Any other test for this condition available today has too high of a chance of producing a wrong result. I find it extremely uncomfortable we still use the other types of tests in the hospital and doctor office settings.
If you choose to order a test through an online service be aware some tests only tell you about either HIV-1 or HIV-2 and will not always provide you information related to type 1 and type 2.
For example, here:
This will provide you information related to ordering a test that looks for both types of HIV instead of just one strain of HIV.
Stay safe.
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simplygojo · 2 days
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I Like Your Tie...
A/n: OMG ONE OF MY FAVS REQUESTED! I loved this request; thats why it took SO LONG I’m sorry my friend I hope you enjoyyyy!! <3 I needed another Nanami request so bad so you did me a favour with this one, LOLLL.
Request: “Your last Toji fic got me frothing like a rabid dog. Lol. in all ways it was very uniquely him indeed ! The same for Gojo and Witch!Reader. Could I shy request a fic with the song 'Talk' by Hozier paired up with Nanami Kento x Fem!Reader ? Something sensual steamy but ever so romantic for the blonde? I can practically see him saying or thinking such lyric quotes as "I won't deny I've got in my mind now all the things we'd do... So I'll try to talk refined for fear that you find out how I'm imaginin' you. Imagine being loved by me". May she's a fellow Special Grade sorcerer, and their friendship keeps building up, but neither wants to cross the line ? So they dance around it, until something happens ? Idk. >\\\\\\\\\\\\\\< I'll leave it to your artistic hands and imagination what to do with this? If you feel inspired to. In any case, please delete if this seems rubbish. Anyway, thank you for your stories ! Thank you so much. ♡” - @erebus-et-eigengrau (lurvv uu)
My requests are always open :)
Pairing: Kento Nanami x f/reader
Word count: 3.8K
Warnings: 18+ Content, SMUT!, intercourse, light choking, control kink(ish), pet name
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The late-night quiet of Jujutsu High was comforting in a way—no students rushing through the halls, no teachers around to monitor. You had been grateful for the peace, retreating to your room after a long day.
But as you reached your door, you stopped in your tracks.
There he was. Nanami Kento stood in front of your door, leaning casually against the wall. 
You and Nanami had been friends for what felt like a lifetime, though it all began back in high school. Back then, you had a bit of a crush on him—not that you’d ever admit it. He wasn’t the type to flirt or give much attention to relationships, but there was something about him that always caught your eye. 
You had your moments, too—shared laughter, and private conversations late into the night, when the walls between friends almost seemed to blur. 
But Nanami never made a move, and neither did you. You knew how seriously he took his role as a sorcerer, and you didn’t want to complicate your friendship with feelings that you weren’t sure were mutual.
As you both graduated and eventually became high-level sorcerers, those moments of potential intimacy became even more distant. You grew into your own roles, taking on increasingly dangerous missions and fighting curses that most could barely comprehend. Nanami was often assigned to the same missions as you, his calm, steady presence a source of reassurance when things got chaotic.
There were times when his professionalism would slip, just for a moment. A fleeting look, a brush of his fingers against yours, his voice dropping an octave when he spoke your name. You always wondered if he felt it too—that same tension you tried so hard to ignore. But you never dared to ask, afraid of what it might mean if the answer was yes.
And now, standing in front of him in the quiet after everything that had just happened, you realized just how deeply those old feelings still ran.
There were times, though, when your old crush resurfaced. 
Sometimes, it was the way he’d look at you across the battlefield, silently checking to see if you were okay, his eyes filled with a concern that was more than just professional. Other times, it was the rare, gentle touch when he’d help you after a fight—his hand brushing your arm or waist as he steadied you after a particularly tough encounter.
But you always pushed those feelings down, refusing to acknowledge them for the sake of professionalism. 
The sorcery world didn’t leave much room for distractions, and you knew that Nanami was as dedicated as ever. He was the picture of control, never letting emotions dictate his actions, always focused on the mission at hand. You convinced yourself that whatever crush you had on him was just remnants of your high school days, a fleeting fantasy that had no place in your current life.
His arms were crossed, his tie long loosened, and the top buttons of his shirt undone. The dim lighting of the hallway cast a shadow over his sharp features, making the intensity in his eyes even more pronounced. He looked every bit the composed man he always was, but something about the way his gaze followed your every movement made your heart stutter.
“Nanami…” His name left your lips in a quiet murmur, not expecting to see him there, not like this.
“You’re out late,” he observed, his voice steady but lower than usual, as if the stillness of the night demanded it.
You nodded, feeling the weight of his gaze on you. “Well, one of the first-years wanted some late-night training…What are you doing here?”
He didn’t answer right away, eyes flicking down to your lips before settling back on yours. 
You could feel the tension in the air, thick and palpable, making it hard to think clearly. His usual restraint seemed to falter, just slightly, but enough to make your pulse race.
“I was waiting for you.” His voice was steady, but the words made your breath hitch.
Your heart pounded in your chest. 
“Waiting for me?” You said quietly, a heat beginning to pool between your thighs.
Nanami pushed off the doorframe and stepped closer to you, his movements deliberate. The space between you closed as his tall figure made its way toward you—the tension that had been simmering beneath the surface for weeks finally came to a boil. 
“Why were you waiting for me..?” You questioned, “I need to talk,” He responded, his voice barely above a whisper.
He was close enough now that you could feel the warmth radiating from him, the faint scent of his cologne filling your senses.
“I used to try to talk so refined, in fear of you finding out…” He admitted, his voice lower now, almost rough around the edges. His eyes locked onto yours with an intensity that made your knees weak. 
“Finding out what, Nanami.” You breathed, watching how his lips parted just slightly while he paused. “How I’ve been imagining you." 
The air between you was thick with tension, so heavy you could almost taste it. Nanami stood inches away, close enough that you could feel the heat radiating from his body. His normally professional demeanour had cracked, revealing something raw, something primal. The careful distance you both had maintained was no longer there.
"Imagining me…?" You repeated, your voice barely more than a whisper. Your heart pounded in your chest, and you were certain he could hear it.
Nanami’s eyes darkened, and his gaze roamed over you in a way that left your body practically squirming under his scrutiny. His jaw clenched for a moment as though fighting some internal battle, but when he spoke, his voice was low and hoarse, filled with a desire he was no longer trying to hide.
“Every time I look at you,” he confessed, his hands flexing at his sides, like he was resisting the urge to touch you, “I think about how you’d feel under my touch… under me.”
Your breath caught, your throat suddenly dry as his words sank in. The image of his hands on your skin, the weight of him pressing against you, the feeling of him between your legs—it sent a wave of heat through your body, leaving you borderline trembling with anticipation.
“Nanami…” you whispered his name, your voice trembling with the same desire that was now coursing through you. The distance between you felt unbearable.
The professionalism you both held onto so tightly was crumbling, and the temptation to give in was overwhelming.
The hallway was too quiet, too intimate, and it felt like the rest of the world had fallen away. It was just the two of you, standing there on the precipice of something dangerous and irresistible.
“I won’t deny I’ve got in my mind now all the things we’d do,” he confessed, his voice barely a whisper as his thumb traced your jawline, gently tilting your head with two fingers. His eyes darkened with want, and the weight of his words hung heavily in the air.
That was all it took. The pull between you snapped, and before you could think, your hands were fisting in his dark blue shirt, pulling him down to meet your lips in a kiss that was heated, desperate—inevitable.
His hand swiftly opened your door before pushing you into it, causing both of you to stumble into the dimly lit room. With a loud thud, Nanami kicked the door shut before pushing you back up against your entryway wall.
Nanami groaned softly into your mouth—your pussy practically throbbing at the sound—and his hands immediately wrapped around your waist, tugging you closer as if he couldn’t stand the idea of any space between you. His lips moved against yours with a hunger that you hadn’t expected, and it left you breathless.
You gasped when his hands gripped your hips firmly, pushing more firmly against the wall. The cool surface against your back was a stark contrast to the heat that radiated from him as he pressed himself closer, his lips never leaving yours.
His kisses were deliberate, slow—but rough—as if he wanted to savour every moment of this. 
"Mmf…Nanami," you breathed, pulling back just enough to look at him, your lips swollen from the kiss, breathless. "What are we doing?"
His forehead rested against yours, his breath ragged as he looked down at you. There was something raw, unguarded in his expression. “What I’ve wanted to do for a long time.”
Your heart fluttered at his words, and before you could say anything else, he was kissing you again, deeper this time. “Now be a good girl for me, y/n.” He practically purred against your lips, as he lifed you so your legs wrapped around his waist. 
His hands moved with more confidence now, sliding up your sides while you were pinned against the wall, his touch sending shivers down your spine. You tugged at his hair, your fingers desperate to feel more of him.
His hands, rough from battle and years of work, were surprisingly gentle as they slid beneath your shirt, fingers brushing over your painfully hard nipples, teasing you. You arched into him, your body responding to every touch.
He made quick work of your jacket—and that tiny tank top you wore underneath it, his hands roughly reaching for every bit of exposed skin.
Nanami growled softly with your legs wrapped around his waist, his lips trailed down the column of your neck, his teeth grazing your skin in a way that had you moaning his name.
"Do you want me to stop?" He asked, his breath hot against your neck, but the fire in his eyes told you stopping was the last thing he wanted to do.
"Don’t," you whispered—pleading with him for more, your fingers tangling in his hair as you pulled him closer. "Don’t stop."
Nanami’s eyes darkened further at your words, and a slow, subtle smirk spread across his lips. "Good girl," he murmured, his voice rough with desire. 
His hand moved up to the tie hanging loosely around his neck, fingers working quickly to loosen it even further. Before you could register what he was doing, he slid the tie off entirely, his movements deliberate and slow as he looped the fabric around your neck.
The silk felt cool against your skin, a stark contrast to the heat radiating from your body. His eyes never left yours as he gently tugged at the tie, pulling you closer, the pressure on your throat light but enough to send a thrill through you that went straight to your now-soaked pussy.
“There,” he whispered, his thumb brushing over the side of your neck as he admired how the tie looked wrapped around you, it falling on your bare chest. In a moment, his lips were back on your skin, trailing lower this time as his free hand continued to explore your body. He kissed a path down to your chest, the tie around your neck tightening just slightly as he pulled you even closer.
He brought you to the couch in your small room with one hand while the other held the back of your head as his tongue explored your mouth.
“You look so beautiful like this, do you know that, y/n? With my tie around your pretty little neck…” He murmured against your skin, his voice laced with raw, unfiltered need. 
Hoisting you up onto the back of the couch, his hand slipped beneath the waistband of your skirt, fingers brushing against the wetness between your thighs, and the contact made you gasp. 
With one swift but gentle movement, Nanami slid your skirt and tights down your legs, and now you sat in front of him—completely vulnerable.
“Nanami—” Your words were cut off by a moan as his fingers returned, pressing more firmly, the slow, torturous circles he drew making your entire body tremble. The tie tightened just a fraction more as he leaned back to look at you, his thumb brushing against your clit in a way that had your heart racing even faster.
“You’re so responsive for me,” he growled softly, his fingers entering your dripping cunt slowly, making sure to feel every inch of your interior. “It’s driving me insane.”
You could barely breathe, the combination of his fingers between your legs and the light pressure of the tie around your neck leaving you a trembling mess in his arms. You clung to him, your hands gripping his broad shoulders as you fought to hold on, your body betraying you with every ragged breath and every desperate moan.
"Nanami, please..." You barely recognized your own voice, hoarse and breathless as you begged for him.
He smirked against your skin, clearly pleased by your reaction. “You want more, don’t you?” He asked, his voice thick with amusement, but the tension in his body told you he was just as desperate as you were.
You nodded, your head falling back as your body arched into his touch. “Please…”
The sound of your begging seemed to snap something in him. With one swift motion, he lifted you up with one arm and spun you around before setting you on your feet in front of him, your ass pressing up against his bulge as the cool leather from the couch pressed against your lower abdomen. 
He leaned down, his lips brushing your ear as his fingers slipped inside you again, making you gasp loudly at the sudden (welcomed) intrusion. 
“I want to hear you beg for me again,” he whispered, his breath hot against your skin as his fingers moved with agonizing slowness, teasing you, driving you to the brink of insanity. His other hand subtly undid his belt, lowering his pants just enough to expose his desperate cock.
You moaned, arching into his hand, your body betraying you as it responded to every touch, every whisper of his breath on your skin. “Nanami...hmmf…please...I-I need you in me.” You managed to get out between moans.
“That’s it,” he growled, his fingers exiting you, but they were quickly replaced by his dick as he inserted himself into you—feeling you stretch around him caused him to throw his head back in pleasure, and he gave a little yank on the tie, your head jerking backwards as your stomach pressed harder into the couch, provoking a pornographic moan to exit your lips.
“Fuck,” he growled, his breath hot against your skin as he buried himself inside you, again and again, each stroke thrusting deeper into your gummy walls, sending waves of pleasure through your body. “You feel so good.”
His pace quickened, and the slow, deliberate rhythm gave way to something more primal and desperate. His control was slipping, and you could feel it in every rough thrust, every growl that rumbled from his chest as he claimed you completely.
The tie tightened again, the silk digging into your skin just enough to heighten the pleasure, and the sensation sent you spiralling toward the edge. Your body trembled beneath him, your nails digging into his shoulders as you gasped for breath, the intensity of it all overwhelming.
He leaned forward, the new angle allowing him to go even deeper into you. He gently moved your hair off of your shoulder as his delicate fingers traced the border of his tie and your skin. “You really are such a good girl.”
His thumb pushed into clit as he thrusted into you at a dominating pace—the sensation was nearly enough to push you over the edge—but you held on a little longer. You cried out his name, your entire body shaking as his pace quickened, he tightened the feeling around your throat with the tie around your neck pulling you closer to him.
Nanami’s body moved behind you, the warmth of him pressing against your back as his hands gripped your hips. Bent over the back of your couch, with the cool surface a stark contrast to the heat radiating from your flushed skin. “Mmhf–Nanami…Oh please.” You moaned out, practically begging him for more as he fucked you with a controlling pace
His breath was heavy, ragged, as he leaned over you, his chest pressing against your back, making you feel the sheer size and strength of him as he dominated you completely.
Nanami’s fingers wrapped around his tie nicely wrapped around your neck, pulling it taut. The sensation made you gasp, your head tilting back slightly as the silk tightened around your throat just enough to send a jolt of pleasure through your already overstimulated body. Suddenly he took his soaked dick out of you letting it land on your ass, rubbing his hand over the smooth skin.
“You look just perfect like this,” he growled low in your ear, his voice thick with lust as he tugged the tie just a bit tighter, your chin tilting up as he whispered in your ear. “Bent over—begging for me.”
Your legs trembled beneath you, your body quivering with anticipation, but before you could respond, he was inside you again. 
The stretch was immediate, deep, and overwhelming as he thrust into you from behind, filling you completely with a single stroke. You cried out, your fingers gripping the edge of the desk as he pulled you back against him, the tie keeping you tethered, under his controlled.
“Nanami…” You moaned his name, your voice barely more than a breathless whisper as he began to move, his hips snapping against you in a relentless rhythm. Every thrust was harder than the last, his grip on the tie tightening with every movement, pulling you back into him, forcing you to feel every inch of him.
His pace was brutal, his control slipping entirely as he watched the way your body reacted to him, the way you moaned his name with every stroke. His free hand found your hip, gripping you so tightly that you were sure there’d be marks tomorrow, but the thought only sent another wave of arousal through you.
“You feel so good, y/n,” he growled, his voice rough as he leaned over you, his lips brushing against the back of your neck. “My good girl...”
His words are what sent you over the edge, the stimulation of your orgasm turning your vision white. 
Your body was on fire, every nerve alive with pleasure as he drove into you again and again. The tie around your neck tightened even more, the pressure just enough to leave you lightheaded, completely at his mercy. You felt every inch of him inside you, the sound of skin against skin filling the room, along with your breathless moans as pleasure washed over you.
Nanami's body pressed closer as you shuddered beneath him, the waves of your orgasm still coursing through you. 
But he didn’t stop. 
Even as your body trembled, oversensitive and breathless, he kept thrusting into you with the same relentless intensity. His pace didn’t falter, and each stroke seemed deeper, more demanding, as if he couldn't get enough of the way you clenched around him.
Your moans turned to gasps as pleasure mixed with the overwhelming sensation of him continuing to push you past your limit. Your fingers clutched at his back, nails digging into his skin with a painful force, but he didn't slow down. He leaned over you, his lips brushing against your ear, his breath hot and ragged.
“Look at you, taking it so well," he groaned, his voice dark and full of praise. "You feel so good, I don’t want to stop.”
Your legs shook around him, your body still pulsating from your release, and the overstimulation had you crying out, your nails leaving marks along his back. 
"Nanami... please..." you gasped, unsure if you were begging him to stop or to keep going. You felt like you were being consumed, every nerve on fire, and yet your body responded to his touch, desperate for more.
He shifted slightly, angling his hips to hit that perfect spot inside you with every thrust, his hand still pressed firmly against your clit drawing rough circles. The tie around your neck tightened just a bit more, enough to remind you of the control he had, the control you were willingly giving him.
“I’m not done with you yet," he growled, his thrusts growing rougher, faster, his body taking full control over yours. "You can come again for me, can’t you?"
You didn’t know how it was possible, but the overwhelming pleasure began to build again inside you. His touch on your clit was insistent, his hips snapping against yours in a rhythm that left you breathless, teetering on the edge of something even more intense than before.
Your body trembled beneath him, the overstimulation and pleasure merging into something maddening. Every nerve was alight, your body responding to him in ways you couldn’t control. You were already too sensitive, your mind spinning as he pushed you closer and closer to the brink once again.
Nanami could feel it—he knew exactly how close you were, how your body tensed around him. His lips brushed your ear as he spoke, his voice low and commanding. “Come for me again, y/n. I want to feel you fall apart around me baby.”
With that, his fingers pressed harder against your clit, and his hips slammed into you at a brutal pace, each thrust sending you spiraling further out of control. The pressure inside you coiled impossibly tight, and with a cry of his name, you shattered once more, the intensity of your second orgasm crashing over you like a tidal wave.
Your body shook uncontrollably, your moans turning to sobs of pleasure as you convulsed around him. The sensation was too much, too overwhelming, and yet you never wanted it to end. Nanami’s name fell from your lips like a prayer as he continued thrusting into you, his own breathing growing more ragged, more desperate.
"That's it," he growled, his voice thick with pleasure as he watched you unravel beneath him, his pace rapidly increasing. "So fucking beautiful."
He wasn’t far behind. The way your walls clenched around him, the way you shook with each thrust, sent him over the edge. 
His pace grew erratic, his grip on your waist tightening as he buried himself deep inside you one last time, groaning your name as he came. He tugged at the tie harshly, yanking you up form your bent over position so yoru back was against his sweaty chest, his hand gently holding your chin up. 
“You were so good for me,” he breathed, his voice hoarse, igniting a spark in you again. You remained silent for a few moments, breath staggered as you tried to catch it, still shaking with pleasure as he held you upright in front of him. 
Finally, you opened your mouth to speak, a cheeky smile playing on your lips, “I like your tie…”
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mssalo · 2 days
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safety - Part: III
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Summary: After years of isolation, Joel Miller's life revolves around control and keeping danger at bay, his past as a soldier leaving him constantly on edge. But when a sweet, soft-spoken young woman starts working at the supply store, her innocence stirs something inside him. Despite his efforts to remain detached, Joel becomes obsessed with keeping her safe from the dangers he’s certain are lurking everywhere.
As his protective instincts morph into darker desires, the lines between safeguarding her and possessing her begin to blur.
Warnings will vary by chapter depending on the content.
Warnings: Dark!Joel, 18+ MDNI, Obsession themes, Stalking, Panic episode/Paranoia, Joel has major Trauma/PTSD, he sees stuff that isn't there, Mentions of war and combat-related trauma, Emotional manipulation, Power dynamics, Noncon/dubcon elements, Unstable mental state, Reader feeling conflicted. Joel needs a hug and therapy. As per usual.
10k
Enjoy!
Part I Part II
· · ───────────𖥸──────────· ··
The soft afternoon sun filtered through your curtains as you did one last sweep of your small apartment, making sure everything was in place before heading out.
Your camping gear—neatly packed and checked twice—sat by the door, ready for another adventure.
This one felt different, though.
Maybe it was because you’d never gone so far out, or maybe because the spot had been suggested by Joel, the rugged, quiet man who came by at the supply store.
The thought of him made your stomach do a tiny flip, and you smiled to yourself, biting your lip.
Joel.
He was... intense, that was for sure.
Handsome in a way that took you by surprise—older, gruff, with that scruff on his jawline and those eyes that seemed to see right through you.
He’d been kind of closed off whenever you tried to talk to him, always giving short answers, but there was something about the way he looked at you.
You shook your head, grabbing your bag. Don’t get carried away.
Sure, he looked at you sometimes, his gaze lingering just a second longer than necessary, but that didn’t mean anything.
You were probably imagining it. After all, he was always so reserved, so hard to read.
And you? Well, you were... you.
He probably thinks I’m just a kid, you thought with a small sigh.
Cute, maybe, but nothing more.
You laughed at yourself, shaking your head as the trees closed in around you.
Stop it. Focus on the trip.
You weren’t here to daydream about handsome older men—you were here to camp, to prove to yourself that you could handle this on your own.
He was just... nice, in his own way. That was all.
You couldn’t help but smile as you tossed your gear into the backseat and slid behind the wheel, already feeling the excitement buzzing in your chest.
The open road stretched ahead of you, leading to the spot Joel had mentioned—someplace out past the ridge, quiet and secluded. It sounded like heaven.
The drive was peaceful, your fingers tapping the steering wheel as the scenery shifted from city to countryside.
The trees seemed to grow taller as you left the main roads behind, the air turning cooler and cleaner with every passing mile. You loved this—the sense of leaving the noise behind, of stepping into a world that was all your own. Out here, you could breathe.
The road eventually narrowed into a dirt path, and your car rumbled over the uneven ground as you followed the directions Joel had given you.
The sunlight flickered through the dense canopy above, casting dappled shadows on the forest floor.
It was beautiful out here—quiet, untouched, with the kind of peace you could only find miles away from anyone else.
When you finally pulled into the small clearing, you felt your breath catch in your throat. Wow.
The space was perfect.
The trees formed a natural border around the clearing, their branches swaying gently in the breeze. The ground was soft with pine needles, and the air smelled fresh and earthy, with just a hint of woodsmoke from somewhere far off.
You stepped out of the car, your boots crunching on the ground, and for a moment, you just stood there, taking it all in.
This is exactly what I needed.
You popped the trunk of your car, the warm breeze rustling through the trees as you grabbed your backpack and gear.
The sun was beginning to sink lower in the sky, casting a golden glow across the clearing, but you had plenty of time to set everything up before dusk settled in.
With a smile tugging at your lips, you slung the pack over your shoulder and took a deep breath of the crisp, earthy air.
It smelled like pine and moss, with just a hint of the nearby sea.
Perfect.
First things first—the tent.
You dropped your backpack onto the ground and knelt beside it, unzipping the side pocket where you’d stashed the tent poles.
Your fingers brushed over the cool metal, and you couldn’t help but chuckle to yourself as you pulled them out.
These damn poles always give me trouble.
You spread the tent fabric over the grassy spot you’d chosen, carefully laying it flat and adjusting the corners.
The fabric crinkled under your touch, the sound almost lost in the hum of the wind and distant birdsong. The air was still, quiet, as if the forest itself was holding its breath while you worked.
With a determined sigh, you grabbed the poles and got to work.
The metal clinked softly as you tried to fit the pieces together, but as usual, they resisted you. You grumbled under your breath, fumbling with the last stubborn connection.
After a few minutes of struggling and a minor battle with the pole that just wouldn’t line up right, you finally secured the tent frame, the fabric puffing up as it took shape.
Not bad, you thought with a satisfied grin, stepping back to admire your handiwork.
The tent stood proudly in the clearing, and you wiped a bit of dirt off your hands, brushing them against your jeans.
You weren’t done yet, though.
With the tent in place, you moved on to your cooking supplies. You pulled out your small camp stove, some pots, and a few basic utensils, setting them neatly near the fire pit.
Everything had a place, and you liked knowing where everything was. Organization was important to you—it gave you a sense of control, made you feel prepared for anything.
It was comforting, like you were creating a little slice of order in the middle of the wilderness.
As you set down your cooking gear, your gaze flicked up toward the treeline, where you could just make out the glimmer of the sea through the trees.
The light reflected off the water like tiny diamonds, and you felt a pull in your chest, a desire to sink into that cool water after all your hard work.
Soon, you thought, grinning to yourself.
Just a little longer.
You double-checked your setup, making sure everything was where it needed to be.
The tent was secure, the cooking supplies organized, and the fire pit was ready for later. With everything in place, a sense of accomplishment washed over you.
The silence of the clearing felt peaceful, almost sacred, as if this place had been waiting just for you.
You took another deep breath, letting the air fill your lungs, and as you exhaled, you felt lighter, freer.
It was just you and the wilderness now, the weight of the world falling away. And with that thought, you couldn’t resist any longer.
You straightened up, glanced back at the sea shimmering in the distance, and a surge of excitement bubbled up inside you.
Without thinking, you raised your arms toward the sky and let out a loud, joyful, “Wooooohooo!”
Your voice echoed through the trees, the sound dancing on the wind.
You couldn’t help but laugh as the echoes faded, your heart pounding with exhilaration.
It was a small victory, this moment—being here, in this beautiful place, by yourself.
“Thank you, Joel!” you called out, a grin stretching across your face.
You weren’t sure if you were talking to the wind or to yourself, but it didn’t matter.
He wasn’t here, but somehow, it felt right to thank him.
After all, he had recommended this place, and you couldn’t be more grateful for the suggestion. You stood there for a moment longer, letting the silence settle in again.
Then, with a smile still tugging at your lips, you turned toward the path that led to the sea.
It was time to reward yourself with a swim, to feel the water against your skin, cool and refreshing.
This is going to be a good trip.
And who knows? you thought, maybe I’ll come back and tell Joel all about it.
· · ──────
Joel had been watching her since she arrived, hidden in the treeline, his gaze sharp and steady. His truck was parked a ways back, well out of sight.
He’d walked the rest of the way, making sure to stay quiet as he moved through the brush, his boots silent against the earth.
He was always careful—old habits from his time in the military never died, and neither did his instinct to remain unseen.
Joel watched her step out, wide-eyed and eager, like she hadn’t the faintest clue about the dangers lurking in a place like this. Even though he’d told her where to come, seeing her here alone had set him on edge.
He had to protect her. Make sure she was safe.
She started setting up her camp, fumbling with the tent poles like he expected she would.
His lips twitched in amusement as she muttered to herself, the poles giving her more trouble than they had any right to.
He watched her struggle, clumsy but determined, and despite himself, he felt his chest tighten again, that same damn feeling that had been gnawing at him for weeks.
He shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t be watching her like this, but the more he told himself that, the more his feet stayed planted. He crossed his arms over his chest, leaning against a tree as he kept his eyes on her.
She was smart—he could see it in the way she double-checked everything, making sure the tent was secure, the cooking gear laid out just so.
She wasn’t careless, not exactly. Just… naive.
Still, something about her innocence, her softness, drew him in, despite his better judgment.
As she finished up, he was about to move, maybe head back to his truck and give her some space, but then she did something that made him freeze.
She raised her arms to the sky, her voice bursting out of her in a loud, joyful, “Woooohooo!”
Joel tensed, his instincts flaring, his hand instinctively hovering near his belt. The sound had startled him, snapping him into high alert.
He scanned the area, eyes narrowing, but there was nothing.
Just her. Alone. Safe.
Relief washed over him, but then he felt something else—a strange amusement creeping in.
She wasn’t screaming out of fear. No, she was celebrating, shouting into the empty wilderness like it was hers to claim.
She laughed, carefree and so full of life that it almost… unsettled him. His chest loosened, and before he could stop himself, a low chuckle rumbled deep in his throat.
She had no idea he was there, no idea how close he was.
Then, to his complete surprise, she threw her head back and shouted, “Thank you, Joel!”
Joel’s eyebrows shot up, the words hanging in the air between them, the sound of her voice almost too sweet.
His grip on his belt relaxed, his pulse slowing as he realized she was… thanking him.
For this. For bringing her here.
His amusement deepened, and he couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at the corner of his mouth. A soft breeze rustled through the trees, and Joel leaned forward slightly, his voice a low murmur as he whispered under his breath,
“You’re very welcome, sweetheart.”
He watched her for a moment longer, her happiness infectious despite himself. She was something different, that much he knew. Something soft in a world that had long since hardened him.
And as much as he knew he should leave her alone, he couldn’t. He wouldn’t.
Not now.
Not when she was out here, completely unaware of the dangers that could surround her at any moment. Because that’s what he was here for, wasn’t it?
To keep her safe. To make sure nothing happened to her.
Joel watched her from the shadows, still on high alert as she busied herself around the campsite. His amusement had faded, replaced by that familiar tension coiling in his chest, the constant need to keep her safe gnawing at him.
It didn't sit right with him, her being out here all alone.
She had no idea what kind of dangers lurked out in the woods, no clue just how vulnerable she was. He clenched his fists, eyes narrowing as he kept his distance.
She was endearing, sure.
Sweet, even.
But that sweetness was going to get her killed if she wasn't careful. And as much as he wanted to keep his distance, to leave her be, he couldn't. She needs to be protected, he thought, his jaw tightening.
She doesn't even realize how easy of a target she is.
He kept his eyes on her, watching every movement with a careful precision. It wasn't just about keeping her safe from wild animals or the natural dangers of the wilderness.
People-men-could show up.
She was vulnerable in more ways than one, and Joel knew just how ruthless the world could be. His mind was spiraling again, his paranoia threatening to take over, when he saw her heading toward the small lake just beyond the campsite.
His eyes followed her, every muscle in his body tensing as he realized what she was doing.
She was undressing.
Joel's breath caught in his throat as he watched her pull her shirt over her head, her soft skin catching the light of the fading sun.
His mind screamed at him to look away, to respect her privacy, but his body betrayed him, his eyes glued to her every movement.
She dropped her shorts next, standing there in nothing but her underwear, the curve of her waist and hips on full display.
Joel's chest tightened, that familiar, unwanted heat rising inside him. He swallowed hard, his grip on the tree next to him tightening.
All the blood rushing to his cock.
But then she did something that made his blood boil.
With one fluid motion, she unclasped her bra, letting it tall to the ground.
His eyes locked onto the bare skin of her back, the soft curves of her body now fully exposed. She bent down, slipping out of her underwear, her entire form now vulnerable and exposed to the world.
What the hell is she doing?
A surge of anger flared up inside him. She was defenseless, naked, out in the open with no protection.
If anything-anyone-were to show up, she wouldn't stand a chance.
His mind raced with worst-case scenarios, the kind of things he'd seen during the war, the kind of things that made his skin crawl.
She's making herself a damn target.
Joel's jaw clenched, his fists tightening as he took a step forward, every instinct screaming at him to go to her, to tell her to put her damn clothes back on, to stop being so careless.
But then he froze.
His eyes swept over her again, this time with less anger and more... something else. The tension in his chest shifted, the fire in his veins cooling to a slow burn as he watched her step into the water, her body moving with a grace he hadn't noticed before.
Her bare skin glistened in the fading light, soft and smooth, the curves of her hips and the lines of her back almost too perfect.
She moved so effortlessly, her body swaying gently as she waded into the water, unaware of the eyes on her.
Joel's breath came out in slow, uneven bursts as he watched her. His anger faded, replaced by a twisted sense of admiration.
She was beautiful-there was no denying that. Her body was soft, untouched by the harshness of the world. His eyes traced the curve of her waist, the way her plump ass shifted as she walked deeper into the water.
Joel's chest rose and fell, his breathing heavy as he watched her.
His hand twitched at his side, his mind warring between the desire to protect her and the desire to... take her.
Take her - right here, right now on the forest floor.
His gaze followed the curve of her back, the way her hair floated around her in the water.
She was so oblivious, so innocent, completely unaware of the dangers around her.
And that was what enraged him—the recklessness, the vulnerability.
She had no idea how exposed she was, not just to the world but to him. The thought gnawed at him, tearing at the edges of his resolve.
He should have been disgusted with himself for standing there, hidden in the shadows, watching her like this. But the desire twisted deep inside him, growing stronger the longer he stared.
Joel swallowed hard, his throat dry, as his eyes roamed lower, taking in every inch of her.
The tightness in his jeans was almost painful, his cock pressing hard against the denim, aching in a way that made his breath catch in his throat.
The war inside him raged on.
His mind wavered between the desperate need to protect her and the darker, more primal urge he had no right to feel. He wanted to shield her from the world, from the dangers lurking just beyond the trees.
But at the same time, he wanted to take her in all ways possible, to claim her as his. To fuck into her small body. To make her understand just how much she needed him.
No. Stop.
Joel leaned against the tree, his knuckles white as he fought to steady his breath.
His breath hitched as she resurfaced, water cascading down her bare skin like liquid silver.
The way the sunlight danced across her damp figure, catching on every curve and hollow, made her look almost unreal—like something ethereal, pulled straight from a dream.
Her skin shimmered in the fading light, her hair slicked back, clinging to her neck and shoulders in wet strands that only accentuated the softness of her features.
She didn’t belong out here.
She looked too delicate, too pure for the wildness surrounding her.
The contrast between the untamed wilderness and her serene, almost angelic form sent a shiver down his spine.
She was grace in motion, completely unaware of how vulnerable she was.
Each movement she made, each ripple in the water as she waded further in, was almost hypnotic, drawing him in deeper.
He had seen a lot in his life—too much.
The ugliness of the world had hardened him, left him numb to the softness it still had to offer.
But now, watching her, something in him cracked.
It wasn’t just the lust. It was something else.
Something about the way she seemed to glow in the dying light, so peaceful, so unburdened by the weight of the world.
She was everything he wasn't—everything he’d lost a long time ago. Ethereal, untouchable, and yet here she was, right in front of him.
Joel felt the pull again, that urge to protect her, to shield her from the darkness that had consumed so much of his life. But more than that, he wanted to keep her for himself, to have her softness against all his rough edges.
And in that moment, he realized, there was no going back.
Joel's jaw clenched as she started to wade back toward the shore, the water slipping down her body, revealing more of her as she emerged. The way the droplets glistened on her skin, made it impossible for him to tear his eyes away.
His pulse quickened, the primal urge to keep watching nearly overwhelming him.
But then, Joel forced himself to look away.
Not yet.
His fists tightened at his sides, nails digging into his palms.
He wanted to see her fully, to drink in every inch of her-but not like this.
In due time.
The thought stirred something deep inside him, the hunger gnawing at him even more fiercely.
He swallowed hard, his breath coming in shallow, uneven pulls.
Joel exhaled slowly, forcing himself to calm down, forcing his gaze back to the safety of the trees.
· · ────
The sun had finally dipped behind the trees, casting long shadows across your camp.
You moved around with a sense of contentment, the cool evening air wrapping around you like a comforting blanket.
Everything felt peaceful—the kind of peace that you didn’t often get to experience in your daily life.
You set about lighting the small lantern, but as you reached for your flashlight to help navigate the growing darkness, a frown crossed your face.
“Where is it…?” you muttered, going through your bag again.
You checked each pocket carefully, but no flashlight.
You’d been so sure you packed it.
With a sigh, you knelt to check your gear one more time, shaking your head at your forgetfulness.
But then, there it was.
Sitting right in front of the tent flap, the flashlight gleamed in the soft light of the lantern, as if it had been there all along.
You blinked, rubbing your eyes in confusion.
“I swear that wasn’t there before,” you whispered to yourself.
It didn’t make sense.
You hadn’t seen it when you set up the tent, and you definitely would’ve noticed it while sorting through your gear. But after a moment of hesitation, you shrugged and picked it up, flicking it on to make sure it worked.
The beam cut through the growing twilight, casting long, gentle shadows over the campsite.
You felt a little silly for doubting yourself.
Maybe you were just distracted—too caught up in the excitement of the trip.
“Good job, brain,” you muttered with a grin, brushing off the strangeness as you moved on.
As you dug through your pack to prepare for dinner, your hand paused mid-search. You realized something else was missing.
Your lighter.
“Oh, come on,” you groaned, slumping your shoulders in frustration.
This was supposed to be the easy part.
You sat back on your heels, glancing around camp, trying to figure out where you might have left it.
But before you could even get up to start looking, something caught your eye.
A lighter.
Sitting near the fire pit.
You squinted, taking a step closer. It wasn’t just any lighter.
It had a goofy design on it—bright colors with some sort of cartoon character.
You raised your eyebrows, picking it up and turning it over in your hand. The lighter had a ridiculous picture of a grinning, cartoonish frog on it, wearing sunglasses. Beneath it, the words “Coolest Camper Ever!” were printed in bold letters.
You burst out laughing, the absurdity of it breaking through your earlier frustration.
“What the heck?” you giggled, flicking the lighter on and watching the small flame flicker to life.
“Well, guess this’ll do,” you chuckled, tucking it into your pocket.
You had no idea where this thing came from—it certainly wasn’t yours—but it was too funny to care.
Besides, a free lighter was a free lighter.
You couldn’t shake the feeling of oddness, though. Finding the flashlight and then this strange lighter? Maybe you were just a bit more scattered than usual, but still… it was weird.
You shook it off, letting the humor of the situation lighten your mood as you went back to your tasks.
· · ────
Joel moved like a shadow through the trees, his steps soundless on the forest floor. Years of survival had taught him how to blend into the background, how to become invisible when needed.
This wasn’t his first time sneaking up on someone—far from it—but something about doing it now, with her, made his chest tighten.
It wasn’t the same as before.
No enemy patrols, no immediate danger. But there was a weight to this, a tension that hadn’t been there for years. He was on edge, his senses heightened, every muscle in his body coiled like a spring.
She hadn’t noticed him yet. Not once.
That fact gnawed at him, frustration bubbling under the surface. She was so damn easy to watch, so completely unaware of the world around her.
It bothered him how vulnerable she was, how easily someone could sneak up on her like this.
Like he was doing.
But that's different.
As he moved closer, crouched low among the trees, he caught sight of her bent over her bag, her back to him as she searched for something.
nice view.
Joel quickly dismissed the thought.
He narrowed his eyes, watching her every move, assessing the scene like he had a hundred times before in far more dangerous situations.She was clumsy, fumbling with her things, but she didn’t seem to care.
Didn’t seem to realize how exposed she was.
Joel moved closer, his heart beating steadily in his chest, the thrill of sneaking up on her stirring something dark inside him. He reached into his bag, picking up the flashlight with ease, his rough fingers brushing against the cool metal.
He considered leaving it there for her to find but decided against it. She didn’t deserve to fumble around in the dark. Not on his watch.
Instead, he stepped toward the front of her tent, staying just out of her line of sight.
He placed the flashlight down carefully, making sure it was in a spot where she’d see it right away.
Then, he stepped back, blending into the shadows, watching her from his cover.
The satisfaction he felt when she spotted the flashlight was immediate, that small spark of pleasure flaring up in his chest as she picked it up, her face lighting up with a smile.
She thought she’d just found it by chance, like it was some kind of lucky accident.
Joel’s chest tightened at the sight of her, the tension in his muscles easing for a moment as he watched her laugh softly, holding the flashlight like a prize.
Sweet, sweet girl, he thought, his lips twitching into a small, satisfied smile.
Helping her, watching her without her knowing—it stirred something in him, something deeper than just the need to protect.
He liked seeing her happy, seeing that soft, innocent smile on her face.
And maybe, just maybe, he liked knowing that he had a part in it.
But as she continued with her setup, completely oblivious to his presence, Joel’s satisfaction turned to frustration.
She was too trusting, too naive. Anyone could sneak up on her like this—hell, anyone could do worse. The thought made his stomach churn.
She was easy prey. He could see it. Anyone with the wrong intentions would see it.
That didn’t sit right with him. She should have been more aware, should have been on edge, watching her surroundings like he was.
Instead, she was just… carefree.
Smiling to herself, humming that soft tune, completely at ease.
Joel’s hand clenched around the lighter in his pocket, his thumb brushing over the ridiculous cartoon frog on the side.
He almost didn’t bring it—didn’t want to be caught with something so ridiculous—but it was the only spare lighter he had on him.
He’d groaned internally when he fished it out earlier, irritated by the childish design. But now, watching her, it felt like it fit. She was the kind of person who would laugh at something like that, who would find it cute instead of stupid.
Joel moved again, slipping the lighter out of his pocket and placing it by the fire pit while her back was still turned. He retreated quickly, his heart pounding a little faster as he watched her from the shadows.
Her reaction was immediate. She spotted the lighter, her eyes widening in surprise as she reached for it.
She held it up, inspecting the cartoon frog, and then let out a soft laugh.
Joel shifted slightly, his eyes still locked on her as she moved around the camp, still smiling to herself, still humming that soft tune.
A mix of pride and something darker twisted in his chest.
She’s doing alright, he thought, his eyes softening for just a moment.
She’s managing.
But it didn’t change the fact that she shouldn’t be out here alone. So damn easy, he thought, his grip tightening on the tree next to him.
She wouldn’t be easy prey for anyone else.
Not while he was around.
· · ────
The night had grown darker, the soft glow of her campfire flickering against the tall trees.
The shadows seemed to stretch and shift as the wind rustled through the leaves.
She was oblivious to how exposed she was—how vulnerable. Joel could see it, though, with each breath he took, his eyes fixed on her.
Then it happened.
A sudden thud and a sharp, startled yelp echoed through the still night air.
His body reacted immediately.
Joel’s heart lurched, and his mind instantly raced back to those moments he tried so hard to forget—those moments where a single sound could mean life or death.
His pulse pounded in his ears, drowning out everything else. His hand reflexively reached for his knife, muscles coiled, his senses heightened. Without thinking, he moved forward, his feet silent against the earth, ready to act, ready to fight.
His breath came fast and hard as his eyes locked onto her form.
She was sitting, clutching her knee, her face twisted in a mix of pain and frustration.
“Stupid root,” she muttered to herself, clearly frustrated.
She wasn’t in any real danger—just a small cut, a scrape from tripping over one of the tree roots near her tent.But Joel couldn’t process that right away.
All he saw was blood.
And in his mind, that blood meant danger.
His fingers twitched around the handle of the knife, a shuddering breath escaping his lips as the past threatened to swallow him whole. Memories slammed into him—the screams, the gunshots, the sight of bodies crumpling to the ground.
He couldn’t lose her, too.
His mind flashed back to another time, another place, where he couldn’t protect someone. Someone who depended on him.
No. He wouldn’t let that happen again.
Not with her.
She shifted, wincing as she gingerly touched her scraped knee, bringing Joel back to the present.
His chest heaved with heavy, erratic breaths as he forced himself to focus on her—on the here and now.
She wasn’t hurt. Not really. But she was vulnerable. Alone.
And she had no idea how easily that could change.
Joel gritted his teeth, the panic still clawing at the edges of his mind, even as he crouched back into the shadows, watching her, making sure nothing else was lurking in the dark. His grip on the knife loosened, but only slightly.
Her yelp still rang in his ears, echoing in his mind like the sounds of explosions, of soldiers calling out for help, of people he couldn’t save.
He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to breathe, trying to pull himself out of the spiral, but the need to protect her—to keep her safe—burned hotter than anything else. It consumed him.
Joel blinked, his eyes snapping open, refocusing on her.
She was bandaging her knee, her movements slow but steady.
She didn’t realize how close she’d come—how easy it was for something to go wrong.
She never did.
Joel swallowed hard, pushing the memories down deep where they belonged, forcing himself to stay in the present. She finally stood up, brushing herself off with a soft sigh of relief, and Joel let out a shaky breath of his own. She was okay. For now.
But that fear, that suffocating terror of losing her, lingered in his chest, gnawing at him, refusing to let go.
As Joel watched her by the fire, his mind began to drift, despite his efforts to keep it anchored in the present.
He should’ve been focused, alert, scanning for threats the way he used to on patrols. But tonight, his attention wavered, his thoughts tugging him back to a place he’d rather forget.
The darkness around him wasn’t just the night anymore.
It felt like the blackness from years ago, the same emptiness that had swallowed him whole when the world had gone to hell.
The firelight flickered against her face, soft and warm.
A shadow of something ugly crept over his chest, a weight pressing down on him as memories surfaced.
Old sounds echoed in his ears—the screams, the gunfire, the deafening silence that always followed. He blinked hard, trying to shove it all away, trying to stay here, in the now.
But the harder he fought, the more it pressed in. His jaw clenched as he inhaled deeply through his nose, his fingers digging into the ground beneath him, grounding himself.
He wasn’t back there. Not anymore. He was here, with her.
Watching her.
Focus.
But the silence around her, her obliviousness to what could be lurking in the shadows—it made him feel the same helplessness he had felt back then.
It crawled under his skin, a sickening reminder of what happened when you let your guard down, when you trusted too much.
His heart pounded in his chest as the old memories of blood and failure threatened to overwhelm him.
He couldn’t lose control. Not here. Not now.
He was responsible for her, for keeping her safe. That’s what mattered. That’s why he was out here in the dark, crouched behind trees, sneaking around like a damn ghost.
But the sight of her, so unaware, so damn vulnerable, gnawed at the edges of his mind, warping the lines between past and present.
A flash of something dark ran through his mind—her, crumpled, broken, hurt, blood on her soft skin. He blinked hard, squeezing his eyes shut, fighting off the images.
No.
Not her.
It was just his mind playing tricks on him. The way it always did.
He forced his eyes open again, and there she was—still sitting by the fire, completely unaware of his presence. Alive. Unhurt. Fine.
But the fear wouldn’t leave him.
He’d seen too much, lost too much. And he couldn’t shake the thought that she was going to slip through his fingers just like everything else had. His muscles tensed, his hands shaking slightly as his breath came faster.
He had to stay calm, had to stay in control. But the firelight flickered against her skin, and the memory of another fire, another moment he couldn’t change, flickered in his mind.
He was back there, just for a moment—back in the dirt, the weight of the gun in his hands, the scent of burning wood and flesh thick in the air.
He blinked, shaking his head, trying to drag himself out of it. His fingers curled into fists, grounding himself in the rough texture of the earth beneath him.
She’s not them, he reminded himself again, his breath coming fast and ragged. She’s not them. She’s here. You can protect her.
But the fear was relentless.
His need to protect her was more than just that. It was the only thing tethering him to reality, to something other than the nightmares.
If he could keep her safe, if he could make sure nothing happened to her, then maybe he wouldn’t have to drown in the guilt and the memories that haunted him every night.
Joel wiped a hand across his face, the weight of it all pressing down on him as he forced himself to focus on her again.
His chest rose and fell with shaky breaths as he stood up, retreating back to the shadows. He would watch her, make sure nothing happened to her.
And maybe, just maybe, that would be enough to keep the nightmares at bay for one more night.
· · ────
Joel’s breath hitched as he crouched in the shadows, his eyes darting toward every shift in the wind, every rustle of leaves.
Something wasn’t right.
The air felt thick, oppressive, like it was charged with danger, and his gut twisted painfully. He clenched his fists, trying to steady his breathing, but the nagging fear only grew stronger.
Something was out there. Someone was watching.
His mind flickered back to the war—how quiet the enemy could be, how they could slip through the trees, undetected until it was too late.
He was trained for this. He knew when something was lurking, waiting to strike. But this wasn’t like before. This was worse.
Joel’s jaw clenched as he scanned the treeline, eyes narrowing at the dark silhouettes of the forest.
The shadows moved, shifted in ways that didn’t make sense.
His heart pounded in his chest, a cold sweat trickling down his neck.
They're out there. They want her. They couldn't take you - now they want her.
They’ll take her if you don’t move now.
The thought gripped him like a vice, and before he could stop himself, Joel was on his feet, moving toward her camp.
His hand was still wrapped tightly around his knife, his breath heavy and ragged as he stepped closer. His heart hammered against his ribs, every step bringing him closer to the firelight.
He could see her now—still by the tent, oblivious to what was out there, what was coming. He was sure of it.
The shadows… they were moving too fast. Too wrong. The enemy was here. He knew it.
His eyes widened, panic swelling in his chest. Move faster. Move before they take her.
“Joel?”
Her voice was soft, surprised, and completely unaware of the danger as she turned to face him. Her brow furrowed slightly, confusion flashing across her face as she stepped toward him.
But all he could see were the shadows.
Circling. Closing in.
Joel lunged forward, grabbing her arm with a firm, desperate grip. “We need to go,” he growled, his voice rough and frantic.
“What? Joel—”
“They’re here. Right there in the trees,” he rasped, eyes wild, scanning the darkness behind her. “We need to leave now. It’s not safe.”
She froze, her eyes wide with confusion as she looked around, trying to see what he saw. “I don’t—there’s nothing out there—”
“They’re coming for you,” Joel cut her off, his voice urgent, the raw panic clear in every word. His grip tightened on her arm, and for a moment, the fear in his eyes startled her more than his words.
“Joel, wait,” she said, her voice shaky, but she didn’t pull away. She could feel his hand trembling against her skin, his breath coming out in heavy, uneven bursts.
Her heart raced in her chest as she realized something was wrong. Really wrong.
There was no one in the trees. There were no shadows creeping toward her.
But Joel—he believed it.
She could see it in his eyes, in the way his muscles tensed, the way he scanned the darkness like a man hunted.
He wasn’t seeing what was real. He was lost in something else—something dark and terrifying.
Her stomach twisted with a mix of fear and empathy.
Joel wasn’t trying to scare her. He wasn’t trying to hurt her.
He was trying to save her.
But from what?
Joel’s eyes were wild, scanning the tree line as if any second something was going to leap out and drag her away. His grip on her arm tightened, his knuckles white, and his breathing erratic. She could feel the tension radiating off him, his whole body taut like a coiled spring ready to snap.
The way his gaze darted around, the sheer panic in his voice—she could tell he wasn’t seeing the same world she was.
“They’re here,” he repeated, his voice barely more than a growl. “Don’t you see ‘em? They’re in the trees, waitin’ for their chance. They’re comin’ for you. We gotta go, now.”
Her stomach flipped. She couldn’t see anything. The trees were still, the night was calm—nothing moved except the gentle sway of the branches in the breeze. There were no shadows, no figures lurking in the darkness.
But Joel… he was seeing something. Something awful.
For a moment, panic swelled in her chest, the weight of his fear pressing down on her like a heavy stone.
She wanted to pull away, to run, but she couldn’t leave him like this. His mind was trapped in whatever nightmare had a hold on him, and the only thing that seemed real to him was her.
He thought he was protecting her.
“Joel, listen to me,” she said softly, even as her heart raced. “There’s no one out there. It’s just us.”
But he shook his head violently, his eyes wide, unblinking. “No, no, no, you’re wrong.” His voice was strained, and for a second, she thought he might completely lose it. “They’re watchin’… waitin’. I can’t let ‘em take you. You have to come with me now.”
Her pulse thrummed in her ears, her breath quickening as she watched the battle raging behind his eyes. He was lost in something she couldn’t reach.
She glanced at the woods, her eyes scanning the same tree line, trying to see what he saw. But there was nothing. Only shadows and silence.
“Okay,” she said quietly, forcing herself to stay calm, though her fingers trembled as she gently placed her hand on his. “We’ll go. We’ll leave, alright? But you have to calm down.”
He blinked, his breath coming in harsh, ragged bursts. His grip on her arm loosened, but only a little. His eyes flickered between her and the darkened woods, uncertainty clouding his face.
“Just breathe, Joel,” she whispered, keeping her voice steady, even though the fear still crawled beneath her skin. “We’ll go. I’m right here. Just breathe.”
For a moment, Joel seemed to hesitate, his gaze shifting between her and the unseen threat in the trees. His body was still rigid, his muscles coiled with tension, but her voice—her touch—seemed to reach him, if only just a little.
She squeezed his hand gently, her heart pounding in her chest.
“We’ll be okay, Joel. But I need you to calm down. I need you to help me. I can’t do this without you.”
“You’re the only one who can save me,” she whispered, forcing the words through her tightening throat.
He swallowed hard, his breath hitching as he looked at her, really looked at her for the first time since this episode started. His eyes were still clouded with panic, but there was something else there now—something raw, almost vulnerable.
She was giving him what he needed: a sense of control, of purpose. If playing along helped ease his fear, she’d do it. She’d make him feel like he was saving her.
She didn’t let go of his hand. “Let’s go, okay? We’ll go to the car, and we’ll get out of here.”
Joel hesitated for another beat, his eyes darting back to the trees one last time before he nodded slowly. “Alright,” he rasped, his voice strained but quieter now. “But we need to move. Now.”
“Okay,” she agreed, giving him a small, shaky smile. “We’ll go.”
Her heart was still pounding, but she felt a wave of relief as his grip on her arm loosened.
The whole time, Joel’s eyes remained locked on the trees, his paranoia still burning beneath the surface.
She didn’t know what had triggered him, didn’t know what demons had clawed their way into his mind. But she knew one thing for certain—Joel wasn’t in control right now. His fear was.
And as they made their way toward the car, she glanced up at him, her mind racing.
He wasn’t just scared. He was terrified—terrified for her.
But she didn’t let go of his hand, squeezing it gently to pull him back, to ground him in the present. and uncertain, “ I can’t let them take you.”
“They won’t,” she promised, even though the terror in his voice made her own heart race.
“They won’t because you’re here. But I need you to focus on me, alright? Focus on keeping me safe.”
Joel’s eyes flickered again, his shoulders stiff with tension, but he nodded slowly, as if trying to pull himself out of the dark place he’d fallen into.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered, his voice barely audible.
She shook her head, brushing it off. “You don’t need to be sorry. Just stay with me, okay?”
They reached the car, and she gently guided him toward the passenger seat, her hand still resting lightly on his arm. He hesitated, looking back at the woods one more time, his brow furrowed in deep suspicion.
But when she opened the car door, he finally climbed inside, his breathing still uneven, but not as frantic as before.
As she slid into the driver’s seat, she glanced over at him, her mind racing.
She didn’t know what exactly had triggered him, but she knew she had to get him away from here, had to bring him back to some kind of safety.
He needs help, she thought again, her heart heavy with the weight of the realization.
And despite everything, she couldn’t help but feel the strange mix of fear and concern that tied them together in this moment.
· · ────
Joel’s fingers twitched, his hands balling into fists in his lap as he stared out the windshield, still scanning the woods. The shadows played tricks on his mind, flickering with movement that wasn’t really there.
His chest was tight, his pulse still pounding in his ears.
But when he looked over at her, sitting there, waiting for him to calm down, something inside him clicked.
He couldn’t let her drive. Not like this. Not when the road might not be safe.
“Move over,” he muttered, his voice rough, but less frantic now.
He reached for the keys in the ignition, and she blinked in surprise, her brows furrowing as she glanced at him.
“Joel—”
“I’ll drive,” he said, his tone final, leaving no room for argument.
His gaze flicked toward the dark trees again, the unease still crawling under his skin, but there was a steady determination in his voice now.
“I need to make sure we get outta here.”
For a moment, she hesitated, her eyes soft with concern as she studied his face.
But then she gave a small nod, understanding that he needed this—needed to feel like he was in control again.
Wordlessly, she slid over to the passenger seat, and Joel settled behind the wheel, his fingers gripping the steering wheel tightly.
He didn’t waste any time, starting the car and pulling onto the narrow dirt road.
The tires crunched over the gravel as they drove away from the campsite, the darkness closing in around them, but Joel’s focus was sharp now.
His jaw clenched as he kept his eyes on the road, his mind still racing, still half-expecting something to jump out from the shadows.
But there was something grounding about the feel of the wheel beneath his hands, the engine rumbling under his control.
“She’s safe,” he reminded himself. “I’m getting her out.”
The thought repeated in his mind like a mantra, pushing back the lingering panic that had gripped him so tightly just moments before.
He wouldn’t let anything happen to her. Not now. Not ever.
He glanced over at her, just for a second, seeing the way she sat quietly beside him, her hands clasped in her lap, her eyes flicking between him and the road.
She didn’t say anything, didn’t press him, but he could feel her presence calming him, bringing him back to the present.
But beneath the surface, the fear still simmered, the paranoia still gnawing at him.
He couldn’t shake the feeling that something was still out there, watching, waiting. And that made his grip on the wheel tighten even more.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered under his breath, his voice barely loud enough for her to hear.
She glanced at him, her expression softening. “You don’t have to apologize, Joel.”
But he did. He had to apologize for putting her in danger, for not being able to protect her. He wasn’t enough, not in that moment. And that thought alone ate at him, twisting in his gut.
The road stretched out in front of them, the trees looming in the distance, and Joel’s mind remained focused, laser-sharp, as he drove them toward safety.
Toward his home.
Where he could keep an eye on her.
Where he could make sure nothing would ever hurt her.
· · ───────────𖥸──────────· ··
well…. that was intense.
(she’s better than me I would’ve ran away screaming)
Horny, people - I hope you can forgive me for not having real smut in this yet.. next chapter is going to be heated, get ready - it’s finally happening.
Again - comment if you want me to remind you when there’s a next part!
xoxo
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callsigns-haze · 3 days
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His Shadow: Chp 6
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masterlist part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5
Azriel, secretly juggling his responsibilities and personal life, maintains a hidden relationship with YN, who works at a pleasure house in the Hewn City. She was his light, his love, his passion. Yet being his darkest secret is a hard role because life in the Hewn as a young female isn't the easiest as the two of you hold an even dark secret yet to be told...
Pairing: Azriel x reader
This series contains mature themes: Explicit depictions of violence, including physical and emotional. Themes of secrecy. Descriptions of difficult relationships, including strained familial and romantic dynamics. Mature sexual content. Themes of power, control, and manipulation within complex interpersonal relationships. Discussions of parenthood and the challenges associated with it, including postpartum experiences.
The morning sun filtered through the thin curtains of their apartment, casting a warm, golden hue across the room. The soft light highlighted the simple, yet cozy space they had made their own—a sanctuary that was their little world, hidden from the eyes of everyone else. Knox was still asleep in his crib, his tiny chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm, blissfully unaware of the tension building between his parents.
YN stood near the window, her back turned to Azriel, arms crossed over her chest. Her posture was stiff, her shoulders tense as she stared out at the city, her reflection barely visible in the glass. Azriel could feel the frustration radiating off her in waves, and he knew that this conversation was inevitable. He just hadn’t expected it to happen so soon.
He had taken the week off, needing to be with his family, needing to be with her. After overhearing Cassian and Mor talk about their little spying expedition on YN, he had made the decision quickly, without hesitation. But now, as he watched YN’s back, he wondered if he had acted too impulsively.
“Why did you do it, Azriel?” YN’s voice broke the silence, cutting through the stillness of the morning. It was calm, but there was an edge to it—one that Azriel recognized all too well. She was holding back, trying to keep her emotions in check, but he knew she was upset. “Why did you take the week off?”
Azriel let out a slow breath, his wings rustling slightly as he stepped closer to her. “I wanted to be here with you and Knox,” he answered, keeping his voice steady. “After everything that’s happened, I thought you could use the support. I wanted to make sure you both were safe.”
She turned around to face him, her eyes flashing with a mix of anger and something else—something that looked a lot like hurt. “Safe?” she repeated, her tone incredulous. “Azriel, we’re not in immediate danger. You’re acting like I can’t take care of myself and our son without you hovering over us.”
“That’s not what I’m doing,” Azriel replied quickly, though he knew that wasn’t entirely true. He was protective—maybe too protective, especially now that their lives were more complicated than ever. He crossed the distance between them, his hands reaching out to take hers, but she stepped back, putting more space between them.
“Isn’t it?” she shot back, her voice rising slightly. “You’re here because you don’t trust me to handle things on my own. You’re here because you think you need to shield us from everything—even from your own family. But Azriel, I can’t live like this. We can’t live like this, constantly looking over our shoulders, constantly hiding.”
Her words hit him hard, and he knew she was right. But it didn’t change the fact that he felt this deep, unrelenting need to protect her, to protect Knox, to be there every moment in case something went wrong. The thought of losing them—of anything happening to them—was more than he could bear.
“YN, I’m not trying to smother you,” he said, his voice softer now, tinged with the desperation he felt. “I just… I need to be sure. After what happened yesterday, after knowing they were watching you—I can’t just leave you both alone and hope everything will be fine.”
Her eyes softened slightly at his words, the anger ebbing away, replaced by a sadness that made Azriel’s heart ache. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a moment as if trying to gather her thoughts before she spoke again.
“Azriel,” she said more gently, “I understand why you feel the way you do. I do. But this… this isn’t sustainable. We can’t keep living in fear, can’t keep reacting to what might happen. We need to trust each other, trust that we can handle things—even when you’re not here.”
Azriel’s shoulders sagged slightly, the weight of her words pressing down on him. He knew she was right, but it was so hard to let go of that instinct, the one that told him he needed to be there every moment to protect them. He had been living on the edge for so long, constantly aware of the dangers lurking in the shadows, that he didn’t know how to step back and just… breathe.
“I do trust you,” he said finally, his voice rough with emotion. “I trust you more than anyone, YN. But I’ve spent centuries living in a world where letting your guard down, even for a moment, can cost you everything. I’m sorry if I’m overbearing—I just can’t lose you. I can’t lose our son.”
YN’s expression softened further, the tension in her posture easing slightly as she stepped closer to him. She reached out, her hand resting against his chest, right over his heart. “You won’t lose us,” she said firmly, looking up at him with a gaze full of determination. “But you have to let us live, Azriel. We can’t keep hiding in the shadows like this. I need you to believe that we can handle this—together.”
Azriel closed his eyes, leaning into her touch as he absorbed her words. She was right, of course. YN had always been strong, far stronger than he sometimes gave her credit for. And Knox—he was still so small, but Azriel knew his son would grow up to be just as strong. They didn’t need him to shield them from the world; they needed him to stand beside them, to be their partner, not their protector.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, opening his eyes to meet hers. “I’ll try to do better. I promise.”
She smiled at him then, a small but genuine smile that made the tightness in his chest ease just a little. “That’s all I ask,” she said softly, her hand moving up to cup his cheek. “We’re in this together, Azriel. Always.”
He leaned down, pressing a kiss to her forehead, the simple act grounding him, reminding him of what truly mattered. “Always,” he echoed, his voice filled with a quiet resolve.
They stood there for a moment, wrapped in each other’s presence, the tension between them slowly dissipating. Outside, the sun continued to rise, bathing the room in warmth and light, as if to remind them that there was still hope, still a future to be had, as long as they faced it together.
In the crib beside them, Knox let out a small whimper, his tiny wings fluttering as he stirred from his sleep. YN pulled back from Azriel with a soft laugh, her eyes sparkling with affection as she turned to their son. “Looks like someone’s awake,” she murmured, moving over to the crib to pick Knox up.
Azriel watched her, his heart swelling with love as she cradled their son in her arms. Knox blinked up at her, his small mouth forming a perfect little ‘O’ as he looked between his parents. Azriel stepped closer, wrapping an arm around YN’s waist as he leaned down to press a gentle kiss to Knox’s head.
“We’ll be okay,” YN said quietly, more to herself than to him, as she rocked Knox gently in her arms. But Azriel heard the conviction in her voice, the belief that they would find a way through this—together. And for the first time in a long while, he allowed himself to believe it too.
---
River House was alive with activity as the Inner Circle gathered in the spacious sitting room. Sunlight streamed through the high windows, casting warm pools of light across the room’s plush furniture. Cassian was sprawled in one of the armchairs, his wings half-draped over the sides, while Rhys sat opposite him, leaning casually against the backrest of a couch. Mor and Feyre were nearby, quietly sipping their tea, and Amren was perched on the window sill, her sharp eyes watching everyone with mild disinterest.
As usual, the meeting started casually, with updates on Velaris, news from the courts, and the usual banter. But something was different this morning, an undercurrent of curiosity running through the group. Azriel’s absence was becoming more noticeable, especially given his sudden declaration of taking a week off—a rare occurrence.
"So, does anyone else find it weird that Azriel's taking a week off?" Cassian said, breaking the silence. He shifted in his seat, his brow furrowed with a mix of concern and confusion. “I can’t remember the last time that happened. Not without a reason.”
Rhys’s violet eyes flickered with amusement, but there was a hint of curiosity as well. "It’s not like him," he admitted, his voice smooth. "Azriel rarely takes time for himself. He’s always working, always looking for the next mission or lead. But a whole week off? That’s new."
Mor nodded in agreement, her lips quirking in a small smile. “Maybe he finally realized he needs a break,” she said with a light laugh. “Even shadowsingers need to recharge once in a while.”
Feyre glanced at Rhys, her brow arched in thought. "He didn't seem like anything was wrong the last time I saw him. Do you think something’s going on that he’s not telling us?"
Cassian sat up straighter, rubbing a hand across the back of his neck. “I wouldn’t be surprised. You know how secretive he can be. But a whole week off? Something doesn’t add up.”
"Maybe he met someone," Mor suggested, her eyes gleaming mischievously. “Maybe there’s a secret lover involved, and he’s just been keeping it from us.”
At that, Cassian snorted, his wings shifting behind him as he chuckled. "Azriel? Keeping a secret lover from us? That sounds about right, actually. He’s good at hiding things.”
Rhys tilted his head, a slight frown creasing his brow. “He’s been acting strange lately. Not just with the time off, but before that too. More secretive than usual. And those late-night disappearances…”
Feyre leaned forward, her curiosity piqued. “Do you think he’s hiding something serious?”
Rhys let out a thoughtful hum, his fingers drumming lightly on the armrest of the couch. “Could be. Azriel’s not one to share things unless it’s absolutely necessary. If something’s bothering him, he’ll bury it deep.”
Mor crossed her arms, glancing between Rhys and Cassian. “Do you think it has to do with the place we went to in the Hewn City? The woman—YN—she seemed close to him. Could it be related?”
Rhys’s eyes darkened for a moment, as if recalling the encounter at the pleasure house. “Possibly. He did seem more… comfortable there than usual. And she did say something about going back after maternity leave. Perhaps Azriel’s more involved in her life than we thought.”
Cassian shifted, his expression turning more serious. "You think he's involved with her?"
"It’s possible," Rhys said slowly. "But Azriel’s careful. If he’s keeping something from us, it’s for a reason."
Amren, who had been silently observing the conversation, finally spoke, her voice dry and laced with boredom. “Whatever it is, he’ll tell you when he’s ready. No point in speculating about his private life.”
Mor glanced at Amren, then back at the others. “Still, it wouldn’t hurt to keep an eye on things. If he’s tangled up in something, we should know. Especially if it affects us or the missions we’re planning.”
Rhys gave a slow nod, his gaze flicking toward the window as if he were already piecing things together in his mind. “Agreed. But we give him space. Azriel’s earned that much.”
Cassian leaned back in his chair, his eyes thoughtful. “Yeah, but if he disappears again, I’m dragging him back here myself.”
The group shared a small laugh, but the lingering tension remained. Azriel’s absence weighed on them more than they were willing to admit, and the mystery of his sudden break gnawed at their collective curiosity.
As the conversation lulled, Rhys’s gaze turned distant, his thoughts clearly elsewhere. He could sense there was more to this story than what met the eye. Something was going on with Azriel—something deeper than just taking time off.
But for now, they would wait. And watch.
---
YN walked into the pleasure home, the familiar scent of incense and low hum of conversation filling the air. She had grown accustomed to the atmosphere over the years—the darkened rooms, the hushed voices, the hidden glances exchanged between patrons and the workers. Tonight, though, something felt different. Her nerves were on edge, her mind still unsettled by the feeling that she was being watched the other day at the market.
As she adjusted her black silk dress, ensuring it clung to her in all the right places, she pushed those thoughts aside. She had work to do, and there was no room for distractions. She glanced around the room, scanning the faces of the patrons lounging in their seats, drinks in hand and their eyes on the stage where the night's entertainment had just begun.
And then she saw them.
At one of the booths near the back, sitting comfortably as if they belonged, were Rhysand and Cassian. But this time, they weren’t alone. Their partners, Nesta and Feyre, were with them. The sight of the group made YN pause for a split second, her breath catching in her throat as recognition hit her. It was them—she had felt their presence before. They were the ones who had been following her at the market just the day before.
She played it cool, forcing a neutral expression onto her face as she straightened her posture. Whatever they were doing here, she wasn’t going to let them know that she had figured it out. She was already too involved in the tangled mess of Azriel’s secrets, and the last thing she needed was to attract more attention from his friends. Especially Feyre and Nesta. If they even had the faintest idea about her connection to Azriel, things could go downhill fast.
With a calm smile plastered on her face, she made her way toward their table. Her heart raced beneath her composed exterior, but she kept her movements steady, her steps measured and graceful as she approached the group.
"Good evening," YN greeted them, her voice smooth and professional as she came to a stop by their table. "What can I get for you tonight?"
Rhysand, ever the picture of charm and elegance, offered her a polite smile. His violet eyes met hers briefly, but there was a flicker of something beneath the surface—curiosity, perhaps, or maybe suspicion. Cassian leaned back in his chair, his arm draped casually over Nesta’s shoulders, while Feyre, sitting next to Rhys, regarded YN with an air of quiet observation.
“We’ll start with a round of drinks,” Rhys said, his tone casual, but YN could feel the weight of his gaze on her, as if he were sizing her up. “Something strong.”
YN nodded, jotting down the order even though she didn’t need to. She had memorized the menu long ago. “I’ll be right back with that.”
She turned on her heel and walked away, her mind racing as she made her way to the bar. It was no coincidence that they were here again, especially after what happened at the market. Rhys and Cassian had come to the pleasure home with Azriel once before, and now this was their third visit in such a short time. It couldn’t be a casual night out—it had to be something more.
Harvey, her bartender friend, raised an eyebrow as she approached. "You okay?" he asked quietly, noticing the tension in her shoulders.
YN forced a smile, shaking her head slightly. "Fine. Just...unexpected company," she muttered as she handed him the drink order. Her mind was spinning with questions, but she knew better than to discuss anything in the open.
As Harvey prepared the drinks, YN leaned against the bar, trying to steady herself. She had to stay calm, keep up the act. If Rhysand and the others were here for information, she couldn’t afford to give anything away. Not about herself, not about Azriel. Not about Knox. They still had no idea about her and Azriel, and she intended to keep it that way.
After a few minutes, Harvey slid the tray of drinks toward her, and YN lifted it carefully, balancing it in her hands as she returned to the table. She felt their eyes on her as she approached, but she kept her expression neutral, her smile practiced and professional.
"Here you go," she said, setting the drinks down in front of them. She noticed how Feyre’s eyes lingered on her for a moment longer than necessary, as if trying to place her.
"Thanks," Cassian said, his voice gruff but polite. Nesta glanced up at YN briefly before turning her attention back to her drink, uninterested in the small talk.
As YN set the last glass down in front of Rhys, she caught his gaze again. His expression was calm, unreadable, but she could sense the questions lurking beneath the surface. She had been in enough rooms with men like him to know when someone was trying to figure out a puzzle—and tonight, she was the puzzle.
Before anyone could say anything further, YN gave them a small nod and turned to leave, her pulse quickening as she walked away. She had to be careful now. Whatever game they were playing, she was already too deep in it. And with Azriel out on his week off, the last thing she needed was for his inner circle to find out about Knox—or their relationship.
As she walked back toward the bar, she allowed herself a moment to breathe. They were watching her, but she had survived worse. She just had to keep her head down, play her part, and hope that they wouldn’t dig too deep.
But the nagging thought wouldn’t leave her: Why were they here again? And what, exactly, were they hoping to find out?
YN stepped through the door of their small apartment, her body aching from the weight of the day. Exhaustion clung to her like a second skin, and her mind raced with endless thoughts—who had been spying on her, why the Inner Circle kept showing up, and what it all meant for her and Azriel. She had kept her cool at the pleasure house, but the constant pressure of pretending everything was normal while being watched was wearing her down.
The familiar warmth of home wrapped around her as she shut the door quietly behind her, but the tension in her body refused to ease. She dropped her bag on the floor, her gaze flicking to the couch where Azriel sat, barefoot and bare-chested, with only a pair of loose sweatpants hanging low on his hips. He was leaning back, a book resting in his hands, though the moment she entered, his golden-brown eyes were on her, sensing her frustration without needing to ask.
“Rough night?” Azriel asked softly, his voice a low rumble that sent a shiver down her spine. He closed the book and set it aside, his attention fully on her.
YN gave a small nod, too tired to speak. The weight of everything pressed down on her, making her feel like she could collapse right there in the doorway. Her shoulders slumped, and Azriel immediately got up, moving toward her with a fluid grace that belied the exhaustion she knew he carried too.
He reached for her gently, his hands sliding under her shirt, lifting it over her head in one smooth motion. The cool air hit her skin, but it wasn’t the chill that made her shiver. It was the way Azriel’s hands worked with such care, as though she were made of something fragile, even though he knew better than anyone that she wasn’t.
When he unclasped her bra and slid it off her shoulders, YN let out a long, shaky breath. Azriel’s presence was grounding, his hands firm yet tender as he guided her to the couch. He sat down first, pulling her with him until she was lying against his chest, her legs draped over his as she settled into his warmth. The steady rise and fall of his breathing was the only sound in the room for a moment, and YN could feel some of the tension in her body begin to melt away.
But she still felt overwhelmed—by the spying, by the uncertainty, by the weight of the past few days.
Azriel knew. He always did. His calloused hands moved to the scars on her back, the ridged lines that traced where her wings had been brutally clipped when she was only nine years old. It had been a trauma that never left her, not in all the years since. Even though she had healed, those scars still carried memories she couldn’t shake. And Azriel knew how much they haunted her.
His fingers brushed lightly over the scars, tracing the familiar pattern as he began to massage the tense muscles beneath. The pressure was just enough to ease the knots that had formed in her back, and YN couldn’t help the soft sigh that escaped her lips. He always knew how to take the pain away—both the physical and the emotional.
"Talk to me," Azriel murmured, his voice a quiet invitation. "What happened?"
YN closed her eyes, letting the warmth of his body and the soothing motions of his hands carry her for a moment. “I think they’re watching me,” she whispered, her voice barely audible. “I recognized Rhys and Cassian at the pleasure house tonight, and... they’ve been following me. I know it.”
Azriel’s hands paused briefly before continuing their gentle rhythm. He didn’t ask who “they” were—he didn’t need to. He had already suspected the Inner Circle’s involvement, though hearing it confirmed made his chest tighten.
“I’ll take care of it,” he promised quietly, his voice steady and unwavering. “You don’t have to worry about them.”
But that wasn’t the only thing gnawing at YN. There was more—the weight of being watched, the fear that their secret might be exposed. The fear that her past, her clipped wings, her life at the pleasure house, and everything she had built with Azriel and Knox would come crashing down.
“They don’t know about us, about Knox,” YN continued, her voice trembling slightly as she curled in closer to Azriel. “But if they keep following me... I’m scared they’ll find out.”
Azriel’s arms tightened around her, pulling her flush against his chest. His lips pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head, a silent reassurance. “They won’t,” he murmured, his breath warm against her hair. “I won’t let anything happen to you or Knox. You’re both safe.”
YN buried her face against his chest, the steady beat of his heart calming the storm inside her. She believed him—she always did. Azriel had been her anchor, her protector, the one person who had stood by her when no one else would. But even with his promises, the weight of everything still felt like too much.
His hands continued to work at the knots in her back, his fingers gentle yet firm, easing the tension from her muscles. YN let out a shaky breath, feeling her body slowly relax under his touch. She closed her eyes, allowing herself to sink deeper into the safety of Azriel’s arms, the familiar scent of him wrapping around her like a cocoon.
For a few moments, it was just them—their shared silence, the unspoken bond between them. Azriel’s hands never stopped moving, soothing the aches and pains that had built up inside her. His presence was her sanctuary, the one place she felt truly at peace.
And for now, that was enough.
Let me know if you'd wish to be tagged! Comments and reblogs are really appreciated!
There's three more chapters left and I think I might make a sequel but not with the mmc you think it is.... But the drama unfolds in the next chapter
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littlelamy · 1 day
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eight letters, three words: soft!rafe x reader
a/n: a little long than usual but i hope you guys enjoy it 😘
the grand ballroom was a dazzling array of lights. amidst the swirling colors and the symphony of laughter and music, you felt a surreal sense of detachment. the event, though magnificent, felt secondary to the storm brewing within you.
rare moved through the crowd with an effortless grace, his gaze occasionally catching yours, causing a jolt of anticipation every time. the way his eyes lingered on you, filled with a mix of intensity and something more vulnerable, made your heart race with a tumult of fear and longing. you had sensed for a while that he was holding something back, a truth that lay just beneath the surface of his charmingly dangerous facade.
as the evening progressed, rafe’s gaze never strayed far from you. It was as though an invisible thread connected you both, a thread that tugged and twisted with every glance and every subtle gesture. when he finally approached you, it was as if the world around you had melted away, leaving just the two of you in a private, intense bubble.
“can we talk?” rafe’s voice was low and commanding, with a hint of something raw and unspoken.
you nodded, unable to mask the nervous flutter in your chest. He led you to a quieter corner of the ballroom, where the elegant cacophony of the party was muted, and the dim lighting cast a soft, intimate glow around you.
the silence between you was charged, filled with an unspoken tension that made the air feel heavy. rafe’s usual confidence was tempered by a seriousness that made you feel both anxious and intrigued. he leaned against the wall, his arms crossed, his expression a mask of controlled intensity.
“rafe,” you began, your voice steady despite the rapid beating of your heart. “what’s this about?”
rafe’s eyes met yours with a piercing gaze. “you know,” he said, his voice dropping to a whisper, “sometimes words can be the most powerful weapon or the greatest comfort. it depends on how they’re used.”
you swallowed hard, trying to decipher the meaning behind his cryptic words. the grand ballroom’s grandeur seemed a distant memory as the intensity of the moment took over. “what are you trying to say?”
he took a step closer, closing the distance between you. the space between you felt charged, a palpable connection that made your breath hitch. “eight letters,” afe said, his voice barely audible. “three words.”
your pulse quickened, your breath catching in your throat. the phrase seemed to hang in the air, laden with significance. “what do you mean?” you asked, your voice trembling with a mix of fear and anticipation.
rafe’s gaze softened slightly, but the underlying intensity remained. “it’s what i need to say. what i’ve been holding back for too long. and i think you already know what it means.”
you could feel the weight of his words, the gravity of the moment pressing down on you. the vulnerability in his eyes was a rare glimpse into the depths of his emotions. “just say it,” you urged, your voice a whisper.
rafe’s expression shifted, a mix of resolve and uncertainty playing across his features. “i want you to understand,” he began, his voice low and earnest, “that despite the way i push you, test you, and sometimes hurt you, it’s because i care. It’s because i’m afraid of letting you in fully.”
his words struck a chord, resonating deep within you. the pain he caused was tempered by moments of tenderness, and his emotional walls had always seemed impenetrable. “i’ve been trying to protect myself,” rafe continued, his voice trembling slightly. “afraid of being vulnerable, afraid of getting hurt. but i realize now that it’s not worth it.”
you took a step closer, closing the emotional gap between you. your hand reached out to touch his arm, the gesture both comforting and intimate. “rafe,” you said softly, “i love you. even when you’re at your worst, i love you.”
his eyes widened slightly, a mixture of surprise and relief evident in his gaze. “you mean it?”
you nodded, your heart full of love and understanding. “yes, i do. i see through the tough exterior and the games you play. i know there’s more to you than that. and despite everything, i’m here because I care too.”
rafe’s expression softened, the hardness in his eyes melting away as he took in your words. “i’ve been pushing you away, testing you. but i need you to know that I’m trying to be better. for you.”
the sincerity in his voice was palpable, and you felt a tear escape down your cheek. rafe reached out, his hand gently wiping away the tear. “i’m sorry,” he said, his voice filled with a raw emotion you hadn’t heard from him before. “i’m sorry for being difficult, for making you doubt how I feel.”
you smiled through your tears, feeling a profound sense of relief and connection. “i know you’re trying. and that’s what matters to me.”
he leaned in, his lips capturing yours in a kiss that was both passionate and tender. it was a kiss filled with promises and apologies, a blending of fierce love and vulnerability. you responded with equal fervor, your emotions pouring into the kiss as you held him close.
when you finally pulled back, rafe’s gaze was filled with a newfound tenderness. “thank you for being patient with me,” he said softly.
you nodded, your heart swelling with affection. “i wouldn’t be anywhere else.”
as the night continued around you, the grand ballroom and its grandeur seemed to fade into the background. the world outside was irrelevant compared to the bond you shared with rafe. hand in hand, you stood together, ready to face the complexities of your relationship with a renewed sense of commitment and understanding.
with the weight of the evening’s revelations still lingering in the air, you both knew that the journey ahead would be filled with challenges. but with love as your guiding light, you felt prepared to navigate whatever came next. the promise of tomorrow, despite its uncertainties, seemed bright and hopeful, as long as you faced it together.
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superiorsturgeon · 2 days
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Jaune: *walks into Arc family living room to confront his mother* Mom, we need to talk!
Pyrrha: *following behind Jaune*
Mama Arc: *folds her arms* 🤨
Jaune: I know you’re just trying to protect me, and I know it’s not what you wanted for me…
Jaune: But Pyrrha is my partner and she’s not going anywhere!
Pyrrha: Yeah! How do you like THAT?! 😜
Pyrrha: *immediately hides behind Jaune* 😣
Jaune: *slowly turns* …Pyr…we talked about not doing that… 😑
Mama Arc: Look, Jaune, I’m not trying to control you, but you’re just so young! You don’t know what kind of hurt you could be setting yourself up for! Fame and celebrity can destroy a relationship, and I don’t want you to have to go through that!
Pyrrha: 😥
Mama Arc: Pyrrha may be your partner now while you’re both in school, but once you’re out in the real world-
Jaune: Mom, that’s enough! 😠
Mama Arc: *pulled up short* 😦
Jaune: *straightens up* Pyrrha is strong, skilled, and the greatest huntress I’ve ever met! But she’s also the sweetest, kindest, most loving and caring person in the world…
Jaune: *turns and takes Pyrrha’s hand* I know that she’s a celebrity, and a lot of people expect a lot from her, so there’s going to be a lot of tough stuff for us to deal with, but we’re partners and we’re going to figure it out together!
Pyrrha: 😳
Jaune: *smiles at Pyrrha* …I’m the luckiest person ever to have her as my partner, and I want to spend the rest of my life trying to be the partner Pyrrha deserves! 🥰
Pyrrha: 🥹
Mama Arc: *puts her hands on her hips and steps closer* …well, it sounds like you’re all grown up and making decisions now, aren’t you, Jaune? You left home for the first time and suddenly my little boy knows what he wants for the rest of his life? 🤨
Mama Arc: *somehow looming over her much-taller son* Well, Jaune, you’ve said your piece, and now it’s time for you to listen to your mother! 😡
Jaune/Pyrrha: 😰
Mama Arc: …I’m proud of you, Jaune! 😌
Jaune:
Pyrrha:
Jaune: …wha…?
Mama Arc: I did everything I could to change your mind about combat school, becoming a huntsman, and dating Pyrrha, but you stuck to your guns and showed me how much your partner and becoming a huntsman mean to you!
Mama Arc: You two have my blessing, and if you’re really determined to make this relationship work, then you have your mother’s complete support.
Jaune: *sags in relief* Wow…! Mom, thank you so much! I can’t begin to- 😮‍💨
Mama Arc: AH-AH-AH!!! But remember, I will be watching you both! I expect you to buckle down and treat combat school and your relationship seriously!
Mama Arc: And if you do something stupid…
Mama Arc: …like get Pyrrha pregnant while you’re still in school…
Mama Arc: …then I will be there like lightning to drag you home by your ear! 😠
Pyrrha: …oh…then I guess this would be a bad time for…the NEWS…😖
Jaune: 😨
Mama Arc: 🤯
Pyrrha: …I’m kidding! I’m just so excited!! 😆
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peachesofteal · 1 day
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Hi Peach, I’m a long time reader and I just love all your stories and watching how they unfold.
I just wanted to ask quickly if you had thought about writing something under the same wavelength of Simple Math or Dead Disco, like with an anxious or shy reader, but with Kyle and John together?
Would they react and treat reader in the same way Johnny and Simon do? Or would it be different?
I know you’ve got a few stories on the go so if not it’s all cool, feel free to ignore this ask. :)
Also can I just say I love when stories link to their titles and the way your wrote it in simple math, just perfect. I can’t wait to see where this goes but I’m so nervous for Bun it’s not gonna be easy, but at least she has Johnny and Simon this time! 🩷
I actually love this and shelved it for possible future things. I can tell you 1. The daddy kink would be out of control and 2. Reader would be the most weepy bundle of anxiety. Work from home baby that is too nervous in the grocery store or on public transit. Doesn’t like when strangers talk to her. Can’t take herself to doctor’s appointments. Loves yoga but can only go to the studio when Kyle takes her. Manages fine when they’re gone though, reads and cooks and gets her groceries delivered, keeps the flat clean and enjoys her routines. Has a cat (loves Kyle but hates John because he’s always shooing her away) that keeps her company. She does fine on her own, well even, but it’s nothing compared to her life when they’re fully in it.
I think at home when Kyle is out of his expertise, his element, the place where he thrives, he also starts to develop some anxiety that manifests in a desire for control, which John allows, to an extent. John carries the weight of the world on his shoulders and instead of coming to bed, he sits on the back patio and smokes a cigar to the end until one of them comes outside to curl up in his lap or rest their head on his thigh. Dead Disco very much revolved around Darling, and I think this dynamic would be different. Everyone would need a little bit of personalized care.
Also thank you! I love working the titles in 🩵
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heybrownieboy · 2 days
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CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO: A MURDERER, A DEMON, AND AN ELEMENTAL?
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POV: 2nd Person. Y/N.
— Word Count: 2K+
Author’s Note: Finally an update :). In all honesty, I’ve been struggling with getting back into writing lately— after not having time nor mental energy to in so long— but, I’ve also have felt awful going M.I.A for over two months. So, while I was working on this, I decided to break up what I do have and give you all this little update. I wanted to reassure you all that I am NOT giving up on this SMAU. At all. I will be continuing and finishing it. But for now, I hope you enjoy this. I apologize for it being short but, I promise the next chapter is much longer (once I’m able to actually put this one damn scene into words 😭).
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“Do you honestly think this is a good idea?” 
You tore your eyes away from your TV—which was currently playing reruns of “Happiness”— and to the spirit siting on the couch next to you.
“What?” you asked. 
“Tonight,” Minho said. “Do you honestly think going to that shrine tonight is a good idea?” 
“Yes,” you said. 
“That caretaker is crazy, Y/N. Like completely batshit crazy."
“So I’ve heard,” you said.
“I mean it,” Minho said, exasperated. “I think he’s the one that actually killed Jisung and I.” 
Your eyes widened. “Wait what?” you asked. 
“I don’t remember a lot from that night,” he said. “Like at all. And I know you said spirits tend to forget more and more things the longer their earth bound.” 
You nodded at that. 
“But I remember some snippets of that night,” Minho said. “And I think he was there. I swear saw him for a spilt second. I was too shocked when I found…” He took a deep breath, an obvious expression of pain and grief crossing his face. “When I found Jisung’s body. So, I wasn’t exactly paying attention to my surroundings. I saw the caretaker run behind me from my peripheral vision. But, before I could react there was a rope wrapping around my throat.” 
“I thought you two were kidnapped?” you asked. 
“I think we were,” he said. “At least in a sense. Do you remember when Jeongin talked about that night he went to the mountain alone?” 
“He said he doesn’t remember the car ride there,” you said quietly. 
“Or half of his hike through the woods,” Minho finished. "Not until he heard Jisung. From what I remember, something similar happened to me.” 
“It was probably the demon controlling you,” you said. “They’re good at that. It’s like a semi-possession.” You rubbed your temples. “So I’m about to go spy on a murderer, a demon, and an elemental?”
“What do you think they’re doing up there?” Minho said.
“Honestly I don’t know. I feel like I don’t know anything. Everything for me with this whole thing has been guesses.” 
“Yet you’re still trying to help,” Minho said. 
“Of course I am,” you said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Why wouldn’t I?” 
“Because it’s dangerous and you could get hurt,” he said. “Or even die.” 
You shrugged. “It’s not the first time I’ve almost died.” 
“Yeah,” Minho said slowly. “What’s with that huh? How are you alive and have been to hell?” 
You winced. “It was a long time ago,” you said. “And in all honestly I don’t really like talking about it much.”
“I get that,” Minho said. “And I won’t push you to talk about something you don’t want to. Hell was the worst thing I ever experienced in my life. I mean, yeah I guess it’s Hell but, I never expected it to be like…”  He grimaced at the memories.
“Yep,” you agreed, completely understanding of what he meant. 
“I thought it was just going to be super hot.” Minho let out a humorless chuckle. “I wasn’t exactly religious before all this so, I guess I never really read up on it.”
“You could say Dante wasn’t too far off,” you said. “And I do think it’s a little different for everyone.” 
“Yeah. Sometimes Jisung and I would see different things.” 
You squinted at the spirit. “Have you seen any other spirits lately?” 
Minho tilted his head at you. “No actually,” he said. “Now that I think about it. The only one I’ve seen all week is Jisung. Why?” 
“Fucking hell,” you grumbled. You leaned against the back of your couch, head thrown back and eyes staring up at the ceiling. “I’m starting to think that’s what these rituals are for. Because in my twenty years of life, I’ve never gone a day without seeing a least four or five spirits. I’ve only seen three others— besides you and Jisung— in the last week. That’s it. And it been over a week since I’ve seen a demon.” 
“That’s not a good thing?” 
“God, I wish it was. But, no it’s not.” 
“Fuck,” Minho breathed. “So, what should we do? I knew this was complicated and dangerous but this? This seems next level.” 
“I don’t know…” You threw up your hands exasperated. “I feel like that’s all I’ve been saying lately. ‘I don’t know’. It’s so fucking frustrating.” 
“Hey, hey, hey,” Minho said softly. “You’re trying. You’re helping us even if you don’t have to. And so far you’ve done an amazing job okay?”
You have him a half hearted smile. “Thank you,” you said.
“Is there maybe any kind of research you can do on this?” he offered. “I mean, there has to be some answers out there somewhere right?” 
“Maybe,” you said. “I only have like an half an hour before Jay and Nico pick me up though. And kind of search isn’t something I have easy access too. Not to mention it’s the supernatural. Nothing is finite. There’s thousands of rituals out there. And thousands more that aren’t recorded.” You nibbled on the inside of your cheek nervously.
“You grew up in a family of Shaman right?” Minho asked. “Can’t you ask like an elder or something for help?” 
You scrunched your nose at that. “I don’t talk to most of them anymore,” you said. “But, I do have someone I could call. My aunt should be able give me some kind of advice.” 
You leaned over to grab your cell phone off the coffee table. It should be around five P.M in London right now. You scrolled to your aunt’s contact and hit call. It only took a few rings for the line to be picked up
“Y/N-ah.” 
The sound of your Aunt Bora’s gentle voice on the other side of the line immediately had you relaxing. The tension that had building up all day seemed to almost completely melt away. 
“Hi,” you said softly. “How are you?” 
“I’m doing great, honey,” your aunt said. “But what about you? It’s almost one A.M in Korea right now. Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” 
“I wish I could,” you said. “But I’ve been stressed out lately and couldn’t sleep.” 
“Stressed out about school?” Bora asked. “Because you shouldn’t be. I know studying to get your nursing degree can be challenging but you’re extremely intelligent, Y/N. You’ll make an amazing nurse in the future.” 
You smiled at that. “Thank you,” you said. You let out a soft sigh. “But that’ not the reason I called you. I need advice. On the supernatural.” 
“Oh? What do you mean? What’s happening?” 
“Do you remember those two men that went missing last year?” you asked.
“Yes,” Bora said. “Lily-ah and Natty-ah knew them through friends, correct? What were their names again?” 
“Lee Minho and Han Jisung,” you said. You glanced at Minho for a second. He was the one now leaned back into the couch watching you contently. 
“Didn’t you try to help find them last year?” your aunt asked.
“I did,” you confirmed. “But I couldn’t. I didn’t find a trace of them physically or spiritually.” 
“I’ve always found that strange. It’s almost like…” 
“Someone might have been hiding them.” 
“Exactly,” Bora said. “Did you finally find them?” 
“Kind of,” you said. “It’s more like they found me. Well, technically Jeongin found me.”
“Jeongin?” 
“Their friend. Um, how do I even explain?” 
“Start from the beginning yeah?” Bora said, her voice gentle. “Tell me everything you know.” 
And so you did. You explained how Jeongin originally had come to you or “Eris” for advice because he thought his friend was haunting him. How that turned out to be correct and that Minho was in fact trying to get through to him. You explained how you saw Minho and then had the premonition about Jisung. You explained their spiritual debt and how they were tricked by those three. How they had to escape hell and how half of their soul was stolen from them.
“So,” Bora said slowly, “you’re trying to help them break their spiritual debt and move on?” 
“Yes,” you said, with a slight wavier to your voice.
“But?” 
“But that’s not all. One of the trio he made a contract with was human. A living human. Minho is pretty sure that he’s the one that murdered them.” 
“Y/N,” your aunt said lowly. “You can’t confront a murder.” 
“Oh, I’m not done though.” 
There was a few beats of silence before your aunt asked, “What do you mean?”
“In the past week or so, I’ve seen three spirits and no demons,” you said. “Only one of those spirits talked to me. And all it did was ask for the time.” 
“Asked for the time? Spirits never ask for the time. Unless…” 
“Unless they’re being summoned somewhere,” you said. “I think they’re all being summoned to that mount Minho and Jisung went missing on. By the human.” 
“You think he’s summoning them all there for something bigger,” Bora said. 
“Exactly,” you said. “He’s been preforming rituals for about two weeks. At least that we know of. “
“He’s most likely a Shaman. A very powerful one. Rituals like that? They aren’t easy. At all.” 
“I know,” you said.
“And I’m guessing there’s more,” Bora said with a soft sigh. 
“The other two being they made this contract with are supernatural. One is a demon. But the other one, neither Minho or Jisung knew what it was. They said it was different from the demon.” 
“Don’t tell me…” 
“I’m pretty sure it’s an elemental, yeah.” 
“Y/N,” your aunt said voice now taking on a firm, cold edge. “You need to stay away from elementals. They can and will kill you if you ever get in their way. Forget the murderous shaman. Elementals are not bound to the same rules as demons. Not to mention they hate humans more than demons ever have.” 
“I know,” you said. “I do but…” You took a deep breath. “I cannot not help. There’s something seriously wrong.” 
“It doesn’t matter. This is your lif—“ 
“They have wards to keep away angels,” you said cutting your aunt off. 
“What?” she asked, utter disbelief overtaking her tone.
“Minho said that the mountain is littered in wards keeping angels out,” you said. “Namely Azrael.” 
“That’s impossible.” 
“You would think. At first he thought it was just the hellhounds being kept out. They got too close to the mountain and they were repelled, But he said that Azrael has not been able to get onto the mountain at all either. That the barrier the wards created repelled him as well.” 
The other line went silent. After a few moments you began to worry that the call had disconnected. 
“Hel—“ 
“I don’t like this Y/N,” your aunt said quietly. “At all. I understand Azrael is probably the last angel you want to see since… since all of that happened. But he’s still an angel. He’s still a protector. If you go on that mountain, you have absolutely no protection. Not against the Shaman nor the elemental.”
“I realize that,” you said. “And I completely understand that. But like I said. There’s something seriously wrong happening. I think Minho and Jisung were apart of whatever plan they have going on. Not to mention they’ve been talking about Jeongin. Another human life they most likely want to take. They’ve been planning this for at least a year now, Aunt Bora. Whatever it is, it’s huge. God know how many people will eventually be dragged into this."
Your aunt let out a heavy, defeated sigh. “Okay,” she said. “Okay. I know there’s no way to talk you out of this.” Another sigh left her lips. “ Let me think for a few minutes. Maybe I can help.” 
You smiled. “Thank you,” you said. “So much.” 
Your aunt simply hummed. After a few minutes she began speaking again. “How were those to boys killed? Do you know? I might be able to narrow down what ritual they’re trying to get ready up for.” 
“They were strangled,” you said. You peered at Minho for a second, your eyes focusing on the wound around his neck.. “Well, honestly it looks like the rope cut into their throats. They both have these huge infected gashes.” 
“Infected?” Bora asked. 
You copied her hum from a few moments ago. “Yeah.”
“Y/N, if they were dead, how could their wounds be infected?” 
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kingofpopmj · 2 days
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Something About You Baby
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Summary: You watched behind the scenes as filming for In The Closet began. Michael in work mode was one of your favorite things, but there was something different about this time.
Pairing: Michael Jackson x Reader!
Warning: AWKWARD TENSION, ARGUING AND CURSING
Requested: yes
*Y/N’s POV*
It was hot. Everything. The weather. The onscreen couple. The wardrobe. Everything. It felt like only yesterday Michael jumped out of bed and began scribbling notes in the notebook I’d put in his nightstand for moments like this. I laid on my side watching him hum and beatbox until he found the right melody. His process was incredible to witness. It was so damn sexy when he lost himself in the music.
“What do you think?” Michael smiled, standing still as I eyed him up and down— taking my sweet time of course.
“Very handsome.” I leaned in, my lips molding to the curve of his cheek. “Aren’t you going to be hot in those jeans?”
“Yeah, but I don’t have many other options.”
“You could wear a speedo.” I teased.
“I think that would negate the subtly I was going for.”
“Boo. You’re no fun.” I giggled, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and twirling my fingers through the strands of his ponytail.
“Plus, those don’t seem very comfortable or supportive for that matter.”
“Must you always overthink my jokes?”
“How about… I give you a private show later. I’ll pull out all my best moves and definitely no speedos.” I could feel his fingers slip under the hem of my shirt, tracing my hipbone.
“Oh, I wouldn’t miss that for the world.”
“Only the best for my lady.”
“We should get out there… the longer you look at me like that the closer we are to getting this trailer rockin’. I only have so much self control.” I pouted, dragging the pads of my fingers along the details of his shoulder muscles.
“I love the hell out of you. You know that?”
“I had an inkling.”
“Come on. They’re waiting for us.”
Michael held out his arm for me to take before guiding me with him to where everyone was waiting. After quick pleasantries, I looked on silently as they begun talking business. Michael spoke with the director about some last minute ideas. I took the moment to look around, it was a simple set and I was looking forward to seeing how they’d utilize everything.
“This is Y/N, my better half.” Michael’s voice brought me back into the conversation. When I turned my head I was face to face with his love interest for the day.
“Hello, it’s great to meet you.” I smiled, trying to hide how utterly intimidated I’d felt. The more I looked at her the more I felt myself shrink— she’s like a fucking goddess.
“Hi, I’m Naomi, it’s exciting to finally meet you. Michael talks about you constantly. I feel like I already know you.” She was tall with long hair and a costume which showed off her toned physique. She was absolutely beautiful.
Michael whispered in my ear about needing to take care of something and left me alone with the supermodel. We continued talking and laughing together. She was actually pretty easy to talk to. It wasn’t long until I didn’t feel so insecure anymore. I mean she’s still stunning, but she also seemed kind. She’s Michaels friend— good friend. He doesn’t have many of those, people he can trust, so that’s another plus in my book.
“Mike should’ve just had you in the video.” She nudged me with her elbow. “I think that would’ve really brought the shock value. No one would expect it, since he’s so protective of you.”
“Yeah, I don’t think he’d go for that at all. Plus, I couldn’t— I get a little camera shy.”
“Don’t be shy. Own it, I know I would. You’re with the most successful man in the world. He chose you, don’t be shy, don’t hide. Who gives a shit what they say. If you ask me, you’ve already won.”
“I’ve won? Won what?”
“Seriously?” She laughed, shaking her head and gesturing with her head in the direction of where Michael was. “Happiness.” She stated simply. “People would do anything for true happiness. You’ve got it. It brings out the envy in most.” I stared at her for a moment, my eyes searching hers for understanding. She didn’t smile this time. She looked at me with this expression that sent a shiver through my body. By the time I’d figured out what to say to her, we were interrupted before I could get the words out.
“Excuse me, Naomi, we need you.” She excused herself and walked off to the makeshift church, posing in front of it as they checked the lighting.
She’s really fitting for the role. There’s no way I could’ve done that— the outfit alone. She looked more comfortable in it— in front of all these people more than I ever could.
I was left with this uneasy feeling. Nonetheless, I watched on as they got in position. She smiled, batting her eyes when Michael emerged from his trailer. I recognized the excitement, the hitch in her breathing, but the real give away was the way her face fell when he made his way to me. She had no idea how to mask her emotions, which made it difficult to brush off.
“Y/N, baby.” His sweet voice sounded from beside as I felt his embrace.
“Hi.” I said simply, pulling my focus away from her and the anger I felt— it wasn’t important. It’s not worth it. Michael has had many admirers. This won’t be any different. Like she said, I shouldn’t hide. I should own it.
“We’re about to start. I need for you to stay right here, okay?”
“Here? Okay. I can do that.” I crossed my legs and sat back in my chair. “Oh, I love it when you give me orders.”
“Stop it.” He jumped towards me, covering my lips. “You really want me to break your back in the middle of a desert?”
“I mean if you’re offering.” I couldn’t help myself I loved the look on his face when I flirted with him, especially in public.
“You’ve gotta stop getting me started when there’s people around.” He muttered under his breath, adjusting his jeans discreetly. “Naughty.”
“Fine. I’ll be good.”
“I’ll be right over there.” He pointed over to where a dusty old car was parked. “I need to have you in my eye line, so I can sing to you. I need you there. It’ll help my nerves— seeing you will help me.”
“I won’t move.”
“Thank you.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I did exactly as I was told. I didn’t move.
Every time they took breaks in between filming, Michael was right by my side acting a fool. He was so amped up, everything I said only added to his craziness.
“Put ‘em up!” Michael yelled from behind me.
“You scared the shit out of me!” When I turned around he had a bright green water gun pointing at me and a brown cowboy hat on.
“Hands in the air fine lady!”
“You don’t have to yell—” That’s when I felt cold liquid hit me in the forehead. “What is that? It’s burning my eye.”
“I’m Sheriff Jackson and you are under arrest. Put your hands in the air.”
“Sprite?” I asked as the substance dripped down onto my lips. “You goon, did you really fill that water gun with soda?”
“Stop resisting arrest, ma’am. Don’t make me handcuff you.”
“Where’d you get that from?” I laughed, poking the shiny badge clipped to his chest. “You’re silly. So, you’re the Sheriff?”
“Yes ma’am and I suggest you start cooperating.”
“Can I ask what I’m being charged with?” I teased, tilting my chin up with my hands in front of me— cooperating.
“Being sexy.”
“That’s not a crime. It seems to me like an abuse of power on your part.”
“Yes, I use this badge to get near beautiful women. You caught me.” He grabbed my wrist, pulling me out of the chair and into his chest. “If you give me some lovin’. I’ll let you go— charges dropped.”
“You’re so damn annoying.” I kissed him roughly, sinking my hands slipping through the strands of his hair. “You’re lucky you’re so scrumptious, Sheriff.”
“Having fun?”
“I would be if I wasn’t all sticky from being shot at with sprite.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll lick it off of you later.” He winked, dancing around me and pinching my butt. “I’ll have an hour for lunch, if you’re interested.”
“I’ll go pick up your favorite.”
“You’re my favorite.” He walked me over to the car and kissed me. “I can’t believe I’m helping a fugitive escape.” He murmured against my lips.
“Sheriff, the only thing I’m guilty of is having dirty thoughts about you.” I kissed his cheek, his jawline then his neck as I felt his heart begin to race. I pulled away, smiling up at him. “I should get going.”
“Tease.” He huffed, smacking my butt as I turned to get into the car. “Drive safe. I love you.”
“I love you.” He shut the door softly, leaning through the open window to kiss me one last time before I drove off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I pulled up to set, paper bags in hand everything felt the same. It wasn’t until my eyes landed on Michael that I realized I was wrong. He jumped slightly when I greeted him and was painfully quiet.
“Are you alright?”
“Yeah, thanks for getting food.” He sounded genuine in his tone, but the way he was pushing food around his plate with a fork told me there was more.
“Michael, you can—”
“Please!” He jumped up, dodging my hand as I tried to reach out to him. “Just drop it.”
There was so much I wanted to say. I had so many questions, but I stayed silent. When I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror I immediately felt sick, I looked like a scared kid who’d just been grounded. I felt so damn confused.
“I gotta get back.” I watched as he left the trailer, his head hanging forward and his steps small but steady.
“Okay.” I said after the door shut. I felt helpless. I had no idea what the hell was going on. I thought about how clear he’d been about me taking my spot behind the camera, but right now it felt like he didn’t want me there.
Yet, my feet still carried me outside where the atmosphere had dramatically changed.
“3… 2… Action!”
I stared at my hands, resting in my lap, trying to think over the events of today. I had no idea what could be bothering Michael, but it was serious. I could feel it. When I finally built up the courage to look at him he spun around quickly avoiding my eyes. I don’t think I ever felt more devastated than in this moment.
“How was that?” I heard a voice speak near me. I looked up in time to see the crew walking towards the equipment. This meant they were taking a break— yet Michael was— I didn’t know where he was.
Great. He’s hiding from me now. What’s going on?
The crew had huddled around one of the monitors as they viewed the scene they’d just filmed. They were cheering and applauding at the performance Michael and Naomi were putting on. Even I had to admit, they were doing a great job, very convincing— almost uncomfortable to watch since they were having so much fun groping each other. Truly every girlfriend’s dream to witness her man dry hump in the open desert for a dozen cameras. I’m a lucky girl.
“Look at them. This is going to be hot!”
“That’s a star couple if I ever saw one.”
“People are going to go crazy over this video.”
“They’d be absolutely stunning together. Imagine their babies. Oh, they’d have beautiful babies.”
What the fuck. They’re having babies now? I can’t take much more of this. It’s getting difficult to keep up the supportive girlfriend act. It was easy to tell myself it’s just a job and Michael deserves to have me here cheering him on, but now it felt like I was intruding.
“Naomi, can we get you on the floor?” She flipped her hair and nodded enthusiastically. “Michael, just climb on top of her, do whatever comes to you.”
Yeah, I’m gonna need a break. I hopped out of my chair, walking off before taking one last glance at my boyfriend— that was a big mistake. His hand on Naomi’s chin, guiding her to look up at him from where she was on the floor— in front of him— on her knees.
That’s awesome.
I’m totally okay with this.
I’m not upset. They’re just acting.
And, they just so happened to be great actors.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Michael’s POV*
As I danced along to the music, something had shifted and I could feel it deep in my soul. I tried to continue, but I was too focused on the empty chair a few yards in front of me. This isn’t right. She wouldn’t just wander off without telling me. I took a deep breath, shaking my head and when the music stopped my feet took off. This felt— it all felt wrong.
“Babe?” I found her stood behind the trailer, her back pushed up against it. “Why’d you leave?”
“It didn’t feel like I was needed anymore.”
“Of course you are. I panicked— I was worried when I didn’t see you.”
“I’m not stupid.” Her eyes were glossy when she finally spoke and her lips stuck in a frown.
“Of course you’re not. I never said you were.” I reached out to her, but she pushed my hand away.
“Well, then, why are you treating me like I am?”
“Babe, what’s going on? What’s this about?”
“This is humiliating.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You can cut the tension with a knife. Why did you even bring me here?”
“Because I need you.”
“It doesn’t— I don’t think you do.”
“Come on. Let’s go inside.” I tried to reach out for her again, but she stepped away, wrapping her arms around herself. She was shielding her from me and it hurt like hell. “Let’s talk. We should talk.”
“It’s in your eyes. They always tell me what you can’t say. I can see it.”
“Honey, see what?”
“Michael, you’re into her.”
“What?”
“You’ve been acting— you haven’t been yourself off camera— with me. I don’t know why, but ever since lunch you’ve been avoiding me. It seems like you rather be over there with her… you’re not being yourself. And, the only explanation I can come up with is that you’re into her.”
“No. No. That’s not true.”
“That’s what it feels like— like you want to be with her. You’re acting different.”
“Baby, no. I promise that’s not it.”
“When they yell cut you practically hide from me, but I can tell. I can see it in your eyes— it’s— there’s something wrong and it looks like when the camera is rolling you’re loving every minute. I can feel it— there’s something going on with her.”
“No, Y/N, no— I don’t want her. This is work and I’m just playing a part.”
“You guys are all over each other—”
“It’s for the film. We’re acting. I’m acting. That’s all.”
“It seems like you’re both really enjoying it. Why are you avoiding me? Like you don’t want to be near me—”
“No, that’s not it! I’m so sorry… I didn’t intend to make you feel that way.”
“What is it then! Am I imagining it?”
“Y/N! No!”
“All you can say is no?”
“No! I mean— shit, not no.”
“You’ve gotta get back out there. I’ll just stay here or I can leave.” She took in a deep breath like she was trying to appear unfazed. “Do you want me to leave?”
“No. Y/N, listen...” I drifted off, feeling helpless. I had no idea what to say— how to say this.
“Just say it.”
“I don’t know…”
“Then, say something, say anything.”
“I was avoiding you because I can’t keep things from you. I’m not a good liar.”
“A good liar? Oh my god. What did you do?”
“Babe.”
“What did you do with her that you need to lie to me about?” Her voice was weak and she started crying profusely at the thought of me betraying her.
“No. Please listen to me.” She still wouldn’t let me touch her, so I settled for placing my hands on the metal exterior of the trailer, on either side of her, blocking her in so she couldn’t run away from me.
“I’m listening.” She muttered, staring off into the distance.
“I’d never do something like that. I didn’t mean— I meant I’m not good at keeping things from you. I hate it actually. And, I thought it was best to not tell you this while we’re still here because I didn’t want you to kill Naomi.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I love you. Do you hear me? I fucking love you. I didn’t want— I thought I was protecting you.”
“What the fuck is going on?”
“Shit. Okay, please don’t be mad.”
“Michael, you’re scaring me.”
“When you left to get us lunch. She came into my trailer—”
“Who?” Her eyes squinted, focusing on my every word and I knew immediately this wasn’t going to end well.
“Naomi, she came onto me.”
“She what!” Y/N yelled, taking me by surprise.
“Oh, you’re already mad. That was quick.” I nervously bit my lip, stalling because I didn’t want to tell her everything. She was going to lose it.
“What did she do Michael?”
“I need you to promise me that you won’t run over there and go all Balboa, okay? There can’t be— you can’t make a scene.”
“Michael, tell me, now.”
“You didn’t promise.”
“Fine. I promise. I won’t make a scene.” Her voice was calm when she said it, showing me a tight lipped smile to reassure me. I didn’t have much time to study that smile before she spoke again. “Now, tell me.”
“Naomi came onto me. She threw herself at me. I didn’t think she’d— it came out of nowhere. I—It made me so uncomfortable. I was kind of embarrassed— but still— honey, I— I should’ve told you. I— S— She grabbed me— like— down there and said things— offered some things I’m not very comfortable repeating—” I didn’t get to finish before she dipped her head under my arm, escaping my makeshift barrier. “Babe!” She didn’t stop and she didn’t look back.
I took a deep breath before chasing after her, but she’d vanished. Damn, I forgot how quick she is. The only hint of her whereabouts was the sound of Naomi’s trailer door being ripped open. I scanned the area anxiously, but nothing seemed off. No one was suspicious of anything. There were no eyes on me. Everyone was going on about their business as usual and that’s when I really noticed how quiet it was. It was too quiet. I couldn’t hear any sounds of a fight which made me curious and a little afraid. Carefully, I walked towards the open door of Naomi’s trailer, peeking inside and nothing. I didn’t see Y/N or Naomi anywhere. I really didn’t want to go inside, but knowing my girl, I’d definitely have to carry her out of here.
“Babe! Are you in here?” There was a slight creaking sound and it was only then I noticed the trailer shaking.
No answer.
“Babe?”
Still nothing.
I placed my foot on the first step, counting to five before going any further, but thankfully that was as far as I had to go. Y/N appeared from the back room with a toothy grin on her face this time, fixing her shirt and dusting herself off.
“Hey baby! There you are.” She chuckled, walking over to me, intertwining our hands and dragging me back outside— away from what she’d done. My gut told me she left behind a crime scene. The way she smiled at me— I had no doubt she took care of business.
“What did you do?” I whispered, studying her body for any visible wounds. I paused, inspecting her hands, specifically her bright red knuckles.
“Nothing.” She shrugged innocently. “I didn’t do anything. I didn’t see anything, did you?”
“Y/N, you have to tell me.”
“Tell you what?”
“Did you hit her? Yell at her? I didn’t hear any yelling. What happened in there?”
“I didn’t hear anything. Did you?” She tilted her head, waiting for my answer. There was something about the way she was looking at me. I wanted to laugh, but I was genuinely curious what she was capable of.
“Babe—”
Before I could finish, Naomi emerged from her trailer, looking— very different. She looked like she’d been to hell and back. Her hair was a mess and her eyes were trained on the floor as she walked by us. She had her hand on her forehead, acting like she was blocking the sun, but I could tell there was more. She was covering something, maybe a scratch or bruise.
“I didn’t cause a scene.” Y/N whispered to me as she brought her lips to mine.
“I’m not sure whether to be scared of you or really turned on right now.” I wasn’t scared of her. I was impressed, maybe that was wrong, but I was.
“You’ll figure it out.” She winked, cupping my face and rubbing her thumb across my cheek.
“Thank you. Thank you so—”
“No need. I’m always going to have your back. I know I promised, but I couldn’t— I couldn’t just let someone get away with doing that to you.”
“Thank you for standing up for me. No one has ever done anything like that for me.”
“And, I always will. You’ll always have me.”
I stared at her in awe for what felt like hours, the way I love her is unlike anything I’ve ever known to exist. She defends me with her whole heart. No matter how low I feel she brings me back up. When I feel like I’m drowning she keeps my head above water. I don’t know how she does it— I don’t know why she does it, but damn would I be lost without it— without her. Fuck, I knew it the first time I laid eyes on her. I knew it the first time I heard her voice. I needed her. My girl.
There’s something about her.
“I love you.” It came out as an exhale, but shit did I put my soul into those three words. I felt a tug at my lips, admiring how she looked at me, like I was her world— the same way I looked at her.
“You should.”
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outofangband · 16 hours
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Awhile ago, @mozart-the-meerkitten sent an ask about how Angband effects the senses of its prisoners. So this is so late and I’m so sorry. I have a couple of relevant posts, namely this one where I talked about time and routine in Angband. I also made a post awhile back about how Maedhros’s senses are affected! A lot of this will apply more generally! I’m thinking of reposting this and adding sections for other survivors.
Content warnings: structural/coercive control, mentions of solitary confinement and sensory deprivation
Angband world building and aftermath of Captivity Masterlist
Angband is not an environment fit for long term habitation by elves or by humans. Indeed, most humans in the fortress die within weeks to months. The orcs and other mortal residents are forced to adapt in brutal ways to survive and the consequences upon their physical, mental and emotional health are extreme.
Angband is structured to be oppressive and disorienting to the prisoners and this effects all aspects of sensory processing. I talked about this mostly on my time and routine post but the control of structure and information is one of the most important aspects of how prisoners are maintained.
Sensory information is often intentionally limited of a variety of reasons; the environments of cells and to the areas where thralls are forced to work are often kept as monotonous as possible. What scraps of clothing prisoners are allowed are often muted, by design and by usage, singing, poetry and speech between prisoners are forbidden, and the air is heavy with suffocating scents of ash, rot and the deep earth. I didn't want to get into food too much because I've made so many posts specifically about that but this is another important aspect of communal and cultural life that is heavily and violently controlled. I think a lot about the most literal manifestation of this, how Gwindor emerges with the color seemingly drained out of him.
Many lose their ability to take pleasure in the variety of sensory experiences that make up meals, or play, or art.
Some prisoners go years without hearing another's voice.
Sensory experiences unique to elves are also affected. Elves navigate and orient in certain unique ways, using the earth, trees, and even rocks to orient themselves. (I’m basing this in part of Legolas’s words about the elves of Hollin where he appears to draw sense memories from flora and stones)
When elves are kept away from the natural world, in monotonous environments, without access to plant life or even a variety of geological information, some can enter a sort of stupor. Even in Angband which of course does contain rocks and life in the form of fungi, algae and even some plants, Cyanobacteria and certain creatures, much of the mines and dungeons are deliberately kept barren, lifeless and separated enough from the caverns and tunnels. What information they receive is rarely comforting.
After the monotony of Angband, the normal sights, sounds, smells, tastes and other sensations of the outside world can be extraordinarily intense.
In the aftermath, some prisoners experience extreme awareness of sensory information as a form of hyper vigilance. Of course acute perception is typical for elves but for some prisoners, reactions and emotions to sense perception are incredibly heightened or they become unusually overwhelmed. Life is a barrage of unbearably bright lights, whispers heightened to a painful degree, the slightest smells unbearable, and different senses intermixing to create
Others experience a sort of numbing, have difficulty distinguishing or processing sensory information, or become highly dissociated.
Sensory deprivation is frequently used as a punishment, often alongside solitary confinement. On many of the lower levels of cells where prisoners are held for this purpose, the only light comess from the torches carried by the guards who passed infrequently. The din of the fortress, a cacophony of countless anvils, of the shifting of stone, of growls and screaming and snatches of song, was dulled here. It was not uncommon for long stretches to go by without any sound at all.
Other note: as always when I make Angband posts, I think additionally about Aerin and other characters in oppressive environments outside of Angband. Especially for this I have so many things on Aerin and the senses which I’ve explored in several posts and want to write more about especially if there’s interest. Even without the claustrophobic, geographically isolated nature of Angband, the effects of complex trauma on sensory experiences are really interesting. Anyways just wanted to say this because I love her :)
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junimatcha · 17 hours
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things i love about u ⋆ ˚。⋆୨୧˚
eren x reader
The rain tapped softly against the windows, filling the small apartment with a peaceful rhythm. The world outside was drenched in the gentle drizzle of a late evening, but inside, it was warm and quiet. You and Eren made sure to have days like these, where you could be lazy with him.
Eren lay stretched out on the couch, one arm around you, pulling you closer under the heavy blanket that draped over both of you. The dim light of a nearby lamp cast a soft glow over the room, painting everything in muted shades of amber.
You rested your head on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. His warmth seeped into you, wrapping you in a sense of calm that felt almost too perfect. The rain, his heartbeat, the occasional deep breath he took—it all blended together in a soothing harmony.
Neither of you spoke. You didn’t need to. This moment was enough—just the two of you, lying together as the rest of the world faded into the background.
But tonight, there was something different about Eren. He was not usually this quiet, he seemed like he was lost in thought. You could feel it in the way his fingers brushed absentmindedly through your hair, the way his hand lingered on your back as though he didn’t want to let go.
After a long stretch of silence, his voice finally broke through the soft hum of the rain.
“Do you know how much I love you?”
The question was quiet, almost hesitant, as though he was unsure of how the words would land. You looked up at him, slightly surprised but smiling. Eren wasn’t one to talk about his feelings openly. Most of the time, he showed them in small gestures—in the way he’d pull you closer in his sleep or the way he’d make sure to walk on the side of the sidewalk closest to the street.
But now, his green eyes were focused on you, his expression softer than you’d seen it in a long time.
“Someone is feeling sappy tonight” you teased lightly, as you nudged him gently with your elbow.
His lips twitched into a faint smile, but the seriousness in his gaze didn’t waver. He held you tighter, as if trying to find the right words. And then, he started to speak again, his voice deep but laced with a tenderness that tugged at your heart.
“I love the way you laugh,” he began. “Even when you’re trying to hide it, like when you’re nervous or embarrassed. It always makes me want to laugh too.”
You blinked, taken off guard by the sudden confession. He wasn’t done though.
“I love how you listen to me. Even when I’m not saying much. You just… you get me. You know when I need to talk and when I don’t.”
You had always felt that Eren found it hard to open up, and you’d never pushed him. But hearing this now, hearing him tell you how much he valued your quiet understanding, made your chest tighten with emotion.
“And I love how you remind me it’s okay to take a break,” he continued, his fingers lightly tracing patterns along your arm. “Even when I feel like I can’t stop. You know exactly when to pull me back before I push myself too far.”
His voice was soft, barely more than a whisper now, and you could see the vulnerability in his eyes. This was the side of Eren that very few people ever saw—the side that was raw and open, the side that didn’t always have the answers or the strength.
“And most of all,” he said, his voice faltering for a moment before he regained control, “I love how you make everything better, even when I didn’t know something was wrong. Just… you being here, with me… makes everything make sense.”
A lump formed in your throat as you listened to him pour out his heart, each word wrapping around you like a blanket of warmth. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, and you couldn’t stop the small, shaky breath that escaped you.
You reached up, cupping his cheek gently as you gazed at him, your eyes reflecting the emotions he’d stirred within you. “Eren…” you whispered, your voice trembling with all the things you wanted to say but couldn’t find the words for.
His hand came up to cover yours, his grip firm yet tender. He leaned down, pressing his forehead against yours, his eyes closing for a brief moment. “I’m not good at saying this kind of stuff,” he admitted with a soft, self-deprecating chuckle. “But I need you to know… you’re everything to me. I don’t say it enough, but I love you. More than anything.”
Tears slipped down your cheeks, but they weren’t from sadness—they were from the overwhelming rush of love you felt for him.
“I love you too,” you whispered, your voice breaking slightly as you spoke. “With all my heart, Eren.”
He shifted slightly, pulling you even closer, his arms wrapping securely around you as though he never wanted to let go. He pressed a kiss to the top of your head, his lips lingering there for a long moment as he breathed in your scent.
“I’m scared sometimes,” he confessed quietly, his breath warm against your hair. “Scared of losing you. Scared of the future. But when I’m with you… it doesn’t seem so scary. I know we’ll be okay.”
You closed your eyes, nuzzling into his chest as you held onto him tightly. “We will,” you promised. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Another silence fell between you, but this one was filled with a quiet understanding, a mutual trust that didn’t need words to be felt. The rain continued to fall outside, soft and steady, as the two of you lay together, wrapped in each other’s arms.
Before you drifted off to sleep, you heard Eren’s voice one last time, a soft whisper against your hair.
“I’ll never stop loving you. Not even for a second.”
And with that, you both let the world fade away, content in the warmth of each other’s embrace.
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if I’m honest, I have never seen so much blatant actual antisemitism in my life as I have in the past 2 weeks. overwhelmingly on the left, but on the right too. I didn’t know it was this bad.
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tariah23 · 8 months
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This is such a harmful sentiment to push considering that you don’t necessarily have to be “attractive,” (beauty is subjective, yada yada) in order for men to want to harm you in the slightest… like man, what…
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#the lady talks about being followed and harassed and so on as if every woman and girl in the world regardless of their age and#‘good looks’#hasn’t experienced this and will continue to#I hate when these girls especially ones who are conveniently attractive talk about stuff like this under the guise of speaking for all#women while x-ing out most women#this easily leads into the realm of ‘you’re too ugly/fat to be assaulted ANYWAY-‘#talk that I see spread by misogynists and bird brained women like it’s such a natural thing to even say it’s actually rly scary#especially when it comes to the assault shit which is usually about power and control anyway#they don’t care what you look like#you could be covered up head to toe and someone would try to hurt you just because#I hate when women like this go online thinking that they said something open their mouths I really do#rambling#tw assault#got dudes in the comments going ‘she’s not even pretty anyway she’s like a 4 out of 10’#completely missing the message (as if they care) and see#these are the kinds of people that stuff like this attracts#stuff like this coming out of a woman’s mouth especially is so dangerous#I don’t think I’m the most good looking person in the world and I’ve been followed sm times I had to run away from a guy once and luckily#my bus was right fucking there!!!#then the guy who was harassing me years ago at a bus stop and forced me to hug him and touched my butt and no one else was around to help#me…#and he kept on trying to get me to go back to his apartment around the corner like that was so#the man who followed me into the store as I was shopping and I noticed that he kept on staring at me#then tried to holla and he looked way older than me and I think he was a pastor or something too he had a nice car and tried to get me to#come with him#sm more incidents over the years like this is crazy pls don’t say stuff like this and act like it’s normal#someone in the comments said that people like the woman in the video think that being pretty will free them from the patriarchy and like…#YEAH 😭#it’s so obvious too lmfao#these be the same women calling themselves ‘girls girls’’
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angelnumber27 · 4 months
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It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking being in so much pain over losing someone while knowing they don’t give a fuck if you live or die. Your favorite person becoming a stranger is a special kind of hell.
#I fucking hate having bpd#while I’m at it I don’t understand the fuckin audacity some people have to say they love you and do horrible things to you#I feel so stupid#I feel so stupid for believing all the lies#but I was so in love and put him on such a pedestal that I just allowed it all.#thinking about someone constantly and grieving over them and knowing they’re perfectly fine and to them you don’t exist#I’m still in such a state of grief and I don’t understand why time hasn’t healed#it honestly feels like it’s gotten worse w time#I just torture myself but I can’t help it my brain wants me dead#it’s so painful I feel so fucking stupid#being abandoned with no closure by someone who’s your entire world#for someone they were unfaithful to you with multiple times (I don’t even know how many and dony want to know) immediately#like that was the plan all along#he took our cat hundreds of miles away and I don’t even know if he still has her or if she’s still alive and I miss her every day#I never loved someone like that and it feels like the heartbreak is actually physically killing me#i spent 1/5 of my entire life with him#I was my prettiest and had the best body at the time and I wasted it on someone who didn’t appreciate me#not wasted. it wasn’t wasted. we had some incredible times together#I’ll never be that beautiful again#and now idk what do so bc i can’t decide which is worse: being alone and isolating or loving deeply and ending up horribly hurt all over#it’s all just so upsetting.#and I feel so stupid for allowing it all#he knows more about me than anyone and he made me feel like he loved me so much sometimes and then did horrid things and it’s so fucked up#nobody read this I’m so embarrassed and horribly broken#it traumatized me so much there was so much abuse and pain idk if I’ll ever recover#I deserved it but it still hurts my heart#I was so mentally ill and sick I know it had to have been miserable to be around me#there are so many things only he understands and knows about me and I need to talk about them I j wanna b able to b there 4 each other#but that girl is so beyond insecure and controlling so. if I want to talk to who fuckin gets me I’m just fucked#why lead someone on like that for years knowing you’re going to abandon them the second it’s convenient
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zeb-z · 10 months
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Bad has so many reasons to be cautious, even paranoid, as anyone else on the island. From Federation nonsense to Dapper being kidnapped to the whole purgatory nonsense to whatever fuckass suit of armor “old friend” was setting up cameras in his house. But it compounds on his regular overly aware paranoid self to this state of hyper-paranoia. And as a demon who can and usually will lie, cheat, steal, and use sneaky underhanded tactics, he expects the craziest extent because he thinks of it, realizes it’s possible, and would use it himself. We saw this very obviously in purgatory - when he thought greens desperate last ditch effort to balance the scale was a super planned out tactic to tip the scale, so he did it first, all the hardcore base hunting, the spawn killing, there’s a reason every other tactic he used usually followed a main channel qsmp post with updated rules - all usually things he was surprised no one else thought of. But then this also piles onto the fact that he has to have things go his way, all the time, and that he’s argumentative as all get out, which led to the debate between him and Bagi yknow. Especially because he’s not just doing it for the sake of being right, he doesn’t think he’s paranoid, but that he’s exercising the right amount of caution.
So like. Listen dude. Yeah he’s got reasons to be paranoid. But his thought process around building vaults for separate cookie caches like they locked up the risus pills, only to scrap it because it’s not perfectly impenetrable, is extreme. His character has hardly been a leading example in someone who has reasonable reactions to things. And even when there isn’t his own children’s livelihoods potentially on the line, he has a need for control, and the most control he has is if he keeps the cookies in his inventory at all times. If he makes himself the sole point in which the others can get ones in a case of emergency, then he can control the variables. The problem is he’s unreliable about himself when he’s at his most rational and healthiest, and he’s far worse with the current memory and health issues he’s been mostly unaware of.
I dunno it’s like. There is never going to be a purely impenetrable base. And it’s not just a case of “Bagi just hasn’t lived through __ yet!”. Bad’s own logic about keeping the cookies on him at all times is flawed under his own logic, because Bagi is right - if someone has enough drive to break into separate secured cookie caches purely for the downfall of eggs, they more than certainly have enough drive to find a way to kill Bad and just take them from his inventory, or to just kill the eggs themselves. All it truly does is give Bad a sense of control, and soothe his paranoia.
#everyone let’s remember rurus’ tweet about bad NOT being in the blunt rotation. he would try to pluck cameras out of your eyes. and he will#make it seem like it’s the most reasonable thing to do in that moment#now this is more me complaining about shit I’ve been seeing on Twitter in the tags <3 love and peace but I’ve got beef#side note - to say the people who are commenting on qBad’s paranoia or this and that are all newcomers who just ‘weren’t there to experienc#-the dark times’ or ‘weren’t there for the egg deaths/nightmares’ like you are not immune to the way bbh can make something seem so#reasonable#he’s got his own reasons to be paranoid. and most everyone agreed that the base idea of a ‘cookie jar’ would need rethinking with security#but to say qBagi (or Jorge’s/other viewers) is shortsighted or naive. when qBad is THE definition of paranoia. of overreacting. like#qBad’s reaction extends from a mixture of care hyper paranoia and trauma response (which is half that hyper paranoia)#and he will pick and pick and pick until there’s nothing left to pick at#sometimes this is helpful. a lot of the time it’s not#and on the flip side it’s like y’all bad cares about the eggs to a ridiculous degree don’t be silly here okay. he does this because he care#even without a memory in his brain he calls them ‘little one’ and is gentle like. he cares#but at the same time this doesn’t always justify his nonsense. his thought processes. he’s Uber hyper paranoid and not easy to reason with#he’s selfish he can and will jump to extremes he’s overly controlling. and he’s the worlds most unreliable narrator#I’ve been saying this I’ll keep saying this he’s an unreliable narrator! this doesn’t make everything he says or thinks bullshit but you#cannot take what he says to himself how he justifies his actions etc etc in private at face value. unless he is making it EXPLICITLY CLEAR#he’s talking from a meta perspective as the creator of his character#you have to take his perspective with a grain of salt. because he will ‘I’m just a little guy and the world is out to get me’ his way outta#everything#there is a difference between reasonable caution from learned past experiences and overly anxious paranoid responses#idk I’m running out of steam sorry this is like a second post with the tags#and again I say this as a huge qBbh enjoyer lmao#mcyt#qsmp#q!bbh#q!bagi#z speaks
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