#I’m trying different kinds so if you have any suggestions lmk!!!

[trippinsorrows]

with me + part eleven

authors note: hi! i'm super sorry for the cliffhanger! i just have this thing where i need sections to be cohesive, and this chapter is much heavier than the previous, so i didn't wanna boggle ya'll down with all that angst!

i've also been thinking about the length of this story. currently, in terms of story timeline, we're at the very end of december 23', and i have ideas for up to may 24'. well, beyond that, but i don't want things to get stale, so i can end it around that time or keep it going? just curious because i don't want it to play out so long that it bores anyone. if that makes sense. just lmk.

status: in progress // masterlist

warnings: angsttttt (parental neglect, abandonment, trauma) language, alcohol consumption, suggestive themes, some fluff

song inspo: with me by destiny’s child

words: 6.2k

taglist: @pixiedust4000 @southerngirl41 @yolobloggers @msbigredmachine @wanderingreigns

You knew as soon as he walked in that something was up.

In getting to know Joe, you’d also learned that he was, surprisingly, on the quiet side. He spoke with you, of course, but you learned he leaned more towards introverted than extroverted. It was kind of sweet and pretty surprising. But, you’d also learned there was a difference between him being his sometimes quiet self and when something was off, and something was definitely off.

“You gonna tell me what’s wrong, or do I have to fuck it out of you?” He rolls his eyes, not even showing any excitement at the idea of fucking you. Yeah, something was definitely wrong. “Seriously, what’s up?”

He shrugs, playing it off clearly. “Just tired. Back to back matches.” 

That's when you realize what it is. “You’re hurt, aren’t you?” He shakes his head, dismissively, and you cross your arms. “Take your shirt off.”

“What?”

“Take it off, or I’ll climb your big ass and take it off myself.” Joe blows out a breath. He has to know you’re dead serious. So, wordlessly, he lifts his shirt over his head and turns around. 

You gasp almost immediately. “What the actual fuck?” Your hand reaches to touch him, but you stop yourself, knowing that his skin must be sensitive to the touch. His back is inflamed, red welts spread in different areas with a nasty bruise that looks like a borderline hematoma and other various cuts. 

“Why didn’t you say anything sooner?” Shaking your head, you point to your room. “Go sit and wait for me on the bed.” He opens his mouth, and you lift a finger. “I don’t want to hear it. Get in there now.”

Surprisingly, he follows suit, and you start to move about, gathering the necessary supplies. Along the way, you experience a plethora of emotions but mostly bounce back and forth between irritation and concern. 

You’re irritated that he didn’t just come out and say that he was hurt. You’re also concerned because he’s obviously in pain, and that bothers you. He doesn’t have to be, he didn’t have to be if he just said something. 

Stubborn asshole. 

With everything needed and placed in a cloth bag, you walk into your room and stretch your hand out to him. “Take this.”

Joe looks down at your open palm with a single pink pill. “What the hell is it?”

“Coke,” you answer with a straight face. Rolling your eyes, you answer, “Benadryl. It’ll help with the inflammation of the welts.”

“It’ll also knock me out.”

“We’ll we’re obviously not fucking with your back all messed up, so what else are you going to do?”

“Who said we can’t fuck?”

You sigh. “Joe, if you don’t just take this goddamn pill. With your size, you probably should take two, but I’m trying to be nice by only giving you one, so accept my kindness and swallow this damn pill or I’ll shove it down your throat.” 

He sucks his teeth but also takes the pill from you followed by the water bottle tucked under your arm. “You’re a terrible nurse.”

“And you’re an awful patient. At least we’re both on the same page.” You wait for him to swallow it before taking the bottle from him. “Good, now lay on your stomach.”

He lifts his brow, asking, “why?”

“Oh my god, you’re as bad as my students.” Men when they’re sick or not feeling well are a special kind of torture you’re not sure why exactly you’re subjecting yourself to right now. “Just do it, please. I’m trying to help you here.”

He just looks at you, as if he has something else to say, probably so. But, he surprises you by staying silent and following your instructions. 

Pleased, you climb on top of him, sitting on his ass to avoid irritating his already sensitive skin. “Okay, now this may hurt a little bit at first—”

He makes a sound underneath you. “Can’t hurt anymore than it already does.”

“If you had said something sooner, I could have helped you before now,” you scold, dropping the bag on the bed beside ya’ll. Men and their tendency to downplay pain will never cease to amaze you. The minute you start getting hit with cramps, you pop an ibuprofen.

“It’s not that big a deal.”

“You’re in pain. That’s always a big deal.” Pulling out the ointment, you dab enough to your hand and start carefully massaging it into the welts. He hisses at your touch and you murmur an apology but don’t stop. It’s short term discomfort for long term benefits. 

“What is this?” He asks.

“Calamine lotion,” you answer, adding on. “I have hydrocortisone too, but my grandma always said calamine works just as well without getting into your bloodstream. Don’t know how true it is, but it always worked for me, so it’ll work for you.”

He chuckles. “She sounded fun.”

Instantly, a smile is on your face as you continue to treat him. “Always. Summers with her were always the highlight of my year.”

He doesn’t say anything after that, and you continue to work the lotion into his skin. Once pleased with the application, you move on to the next part. “Alright, I’m gonna apply some cold compresses. You’ll probably be out in another 20 minutes, so just leave em’ on, and I’ll come change em’ out while you’re sleeping.”

When he doesn’t push back, you pull the compresses out of your bag and strategically place them on different areas of his back to maximize the comfort. Once finished, you climb off of him and go to close up the blinds and curtains. “Alright, get some rest.” 

You’re at the doorway when he says your name. “Yeah?”

A slight delay before he says, genuinely, “thank you.” 

There’s something meaningful beyond just the obvious, and it brings a small smile to your face. Not that he can see that. So you settle on, “of course. You’re no good to me if you can’t fuck me.”

He laughs, loudly. “Shut up.”

Smile widening, you close the door.  ________

Joe finds you a couple hours later in the kitchen, but it’s the state of you that gives him a pause and brings a smile to his face.

You’re dancing around, clad in one of his shirts and short shorts that your ass swallows up. Brief glimpses of your side profile reveal that you’re singing too, just in a low enough voice, probably not to disturb you. 

He doesn’t know the specific song, but the voice is familiar enough for him to know it’s Taylor Swift. That definitely surprises him, though it shouldn’t. You have a weird ass taste in music to where he’s found you in the shower listening to some random rock song, other times, it was throwback R&B.

You were just so….different from anyone he’s ever known. 

It’s one of the many reasons he’s so enamored with you.

Drop everything now

Meet me in the pouring rain

Kiss me on the sidewalk

Take away the pain

'Cause I see sparks fly, whenever you smile

It’s when you turn around, mid bite on a cookie that you finally notice his presence, smiling. “Hey. You’re up.”

“I am.” He nods, walking over to you. He gestures around the kitchen. “What is all this?” 

You finish chewing and swallow before directing Alexa to pause the music. “Well, I finished my lesson planning and was bored, so I decided to bake. But then I got hungry for actual food, so I ordered takeout.”

“And the music?”

You shrug, taking another bite of your cookie. “I like the song. Don’t worry, it’s the only Taylor Swift song allowed in this African American household.”

He laughs and moves past you when you take the chance to assess his back, immediately noticing how the swelling and redness have decreased. “How you feeling?”

“Better,” he answers, moving to the cartons, seeing that you made sure to order his favorites as well. “Thanks again.”

Smirking, you climb on the island, locking your ankles together. “Not so terrible nurse after all then, huh?”

“Your bedside manners still suck.” 

“Shut up.” You watch him fix his food and when he gets ready to sit down on a bar stool, you hop off the counter, prompting, “come with me.”

“Where?”

“All these damn questions….” Grabbing a couple of cookies and placing them in a bowl, you find your sandals and slide them on your feet. “Just come on.”

“Let me at least put a shirt on.”

“Absolutely not. You need to let your skin breathe,” you lecture, taking him in, all of him. “Trust me, no one’s gonna see us, and even if they did, who the hell would complain about you being shirtless?”

Snatching the keys off the table, you open the door, allowing him to walk out first. You start to leave your door unlocked but decide against it. It’s an extremely safe town, but there’s always a first time for everything. 

Locking it, you motion for him to follow you up the two sets of steps until reaching the heavy door that you turn the knob left and then right in order to open it. Joe’s immediately hit with a nice breeze and diminishing sunlight as the evening sets in.

“Come on,” you usher him to follow you to your favorite spot, sitting down and patting down on the ground next to you.

Joe chuckles, following suit. “Seriously?”

You ignore him, pushing on his shoulder as he brings his plate in front of him to eat. “I like to come out here sometimes to just get away. Especially if I need to clear my head. My grandma used to always say the closer you are to Heaven, the clearer you can hear God’s voice.”

He just watches you, the way the wind blows at your curls, making them splash at your face. Everything about you has always been stunning to him, but in this moment where you sit so relaxed and unbothered, he’s never thought you looked more beautiful. 

“Plus, you obviously need to clear your head to bounce back from that ass whooping,” you snort, taking another bite of your cookie. One look at Joe’s scowl makes you giggle. “On one hand, it’s crazy to me you put your body through so much, but I also recognize your passion and dedication. So, I get it. I was an athlete too. Love of the game type shit.”

You can’t say that you would have ever continued to cheer if it left you the way Joe would come to you sometimes, but as someone who’s been in a similar situation, you understand it. And it’s so much more than just a job to him. It’s a legacy, in his bloodline. All he knows.

All he wants.

So, you support him.

You’ll always support him.

________

There’s the initial chaos that ensues in the minutes after your departure. Callie’s confusion. Joe’s confusion. Bianca’s utter confusion. And as Callie is right there, Joe can’t go immediately after you. He can’t and won’t leave her, so he does the best he can, offering apologies to Bianca and Co. before taking Callie and finding your mom who was catching up with an old friend in another part of the show.

He has some level of difficulty explaining what happened, other than the fact that you’d run off and he needed to find you. It’s really all of the information that he has to go off of, and when he’s finally able to get back to the apartment where he thinks you probably went. He's disappointed to find it empty. There’s brief moment of panic. 

Just where the hell would you go?

He pulls out his phone to check again if you’ll pick up, but it goes straight to voicemail. He then starts to call your mom to ask her if she had any idea where you would be when he thinks about what happened. You were upset, very much so. 

You needed to clear your head.

He knows exactly where you are.

On that same roof he sat on with you years prior is where Joe finds you, but what he doesn’t expect is the bottle of Hennessy that’s not only open but already halfway empty and sitting beside you. 

He doesn’t try to hide his presence and is unsurprised when you ask, “How’d you find me?” 

“Wasn’t that hard,” he answers. It wasn’t. He remembers almost everything you’ve ever told him about yourself, including how this spot has always been your place to escape.

Just what were you escaping from is what has him stumped.

“Sit down.” You pat the space beside you much harder than what’s necessary. He sighs and asks for a minute, pulling out the phone and stepping away to make a call.

Your mom answers on the third ring. “Did you find her?”

“Yeah,” Joe runs his hand over his face. “I got her, but….can you take Callie back to your place?”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

He looks over again at the bottle. “She’s drunk.”

“Drunk?” It sounds like she’s holding back a chuckle, like his words are humorous because everyone knows you don’t drink, and she says as such. “What do you mean she’s drunk? My child doesn’t even drink.”

“She did tonight” Joe’s eyes fall back over to you to see you still sitting, swaying slightly as if listening to music. There is no music. “And Callie doesn’t need to see her like this.” He especially knows you wouldn’t want her to see you like this. 

Your mom sighs, heavily, on the other end. “You’ll stay with her, right?”

“Of course.” That’s not even a question. “And once I get her settled, if Callie is still up—”

“Oh, she’ll be up. She can’t fall asleep unless she talks to you or her mama.” It feels like an inappropriate response, but there’s a small part of Joe that finds joy in this. He remembers when you mentioned to him before that Callie needed to see and/or speak to you before she could fall asleep, a sign of how closely bonded you two were. To be added to that category means everything to him. “Thank you, Joseph.”

He sees no need in being thanked but acknowledges your mom’s appreciation anyway. “Of course.” The call ends, and he brings his focus back to you. The first thing he does is take away the bottle of Henny.

You see this and instantly scowl. “You’re no fun.” 

He sits next to you, asking in a quiet voice, “what happened tonight, Y/N?” Joe is still utterly confused at all of this, your zero to one hundred change in demeanor. But, the fact that you resulted to drinking shows him just how heavy whatever it was has impacted you. “Talk to me.” 

You laugh, but there isn’t an ounce of humor. “God, where do I start?” Your eyes light up, as if realizing something. “Oooh. I know where.” You lean into his shoulder, whispering, “I’m the product of an affair.”

This piece of information definitely takes him by surprise.

He's noticed you've never talked about your father, and he's never asked. Obviously, it was a sensitive topic, that much he could garner. But now, he knows just why it was sensitive.

“I don't—I don't know exactly what happened between them. She’s never really talked about it, but I do remember when I was younger, maybe—maybe a couple years older than Callie, he was—he was at the house.” You swallow, and Joe can see the distance in your eyes, like you’re no longer sitting here beside him. But someplace else. “She told me to go to my room, but I snooped at the top of the steps. Don’t….don’t really remember everything that was said except that she was literally begging this man to have some type of relationship with me, and he refused.” You laugh suddenly, and it’s so out of place, doesn't make sense given the nature of the conversation. But it does if he factors in the liquor coursing through your system. “He called me a m–mistake.”

Joe's heart aches at your words. “Baby—”

“When I was sixteen years old, I worked at a clothing store in town, and I saved up my money for this necklace…it was gold, and I thought—I thought it was so pretty. It made me feel fancy.” You chuckle, not as humorous this time, head tilting. “And once I finally got the necklace, I drove—I drove an hour away because…because after all those years, I still….I wanted to meet my father. I wanted…I wanted him to be in my life.” 

“He’s uh—or was, I’m not sure anymore—captain of police in his town, so I went to the precinct to meet him, wearing that necklace that I worked months to save up for because…because I wanted to look nice. I remember walking into his office, and I was nervous, but—but I also figured there was no way he could reject me then. I—I was head cheerleader. A straight A student. I—I had just gotten a near perfect score on both my SAT and ACT. I was…I was a good kid, Joe.”

Your jaw fixes, and he can see you’re trying to hold back tears. It kills him to see you this upset. He’s never seen you this vulnerable. “And I—I told him all that. I told him I wanted to see if he wanted a relationship with me, and do you know what he told me?” You suddenly stand up, clearly intending to mimic this interaction. “A relationship? Why would I want a relationship with you? You’re not even supposed to exist.” 

You giggle, eyes watering. Joe frowns. He can’t even begin to fathom how someone can say something like that to their own flesh and blood.

“Oh, but that’s not even the best part.” You’re doing one hell of a job playing this all off as something that isn’t impacting you, no doubt thanks to the alcohol. But, he knows you well enough to know and even see where this is headed. “He—” you hiccup, covering your mouth to hide your giggles. “He said again that I was a mistake that he paid my mom to take care of and—” It’s starting to crack, the alcohol induced facade that all of this is fine, that you don’t care. Your voice starts to catch. “---that the money he gave her for an abortion was the biggest waste of money he ever spent.”

“Y/N—”

“Minutes later, his wife walked in and then—and then his daughter walked in, and I—I ran. I couldn’t….I couldn’t—we looked the same age, Joe. He had a daughter already, he–he didn’t need me. He didn't—he didn’t want me.” You sniffle, wiping at your eyes. “And that’s fine, I—I didn’t care. I—I blocked that out after that day. I’d—I’d forgotten about him.” A beat. “Until tonight.”

“Because—because for the first time since I was sixteen years old, I was in front of all of them again. My—my—father, his wife, my—-”

Joe starts putting the pieces together. “Bianca….”

“She’s my sister,” you answer for him, having a hard time keeping it all in at this point. “She’s the one he’s proud of. She’s the one whose kid he claims as his grandchild. She’s the one he acknowledges. I’m just—I’m just the mistake he wishes was never born.” 

Joe stands up, gradually moving toward you. 

“I did everything right. I stayed out of trouble. I went to school. I got my degree. I did—-” He’s in front of you, gently pulling you into him as you finally break. “I don’t understand why he didn’t want me. I’m his daughter.” you finally shatter, crying into his chest. “What’s wrong with me?”

“Hey, hey—” Joe brings his hands to your face, making you look at him. “There is nothing wrong with you. You are an amazing, intelligent, beautiful woman, and I can’t even begin to describe how amazing of a mother you are.” He wipes away your tears as you clutch onto his shirt. “He doesn’t deserve you, baby. He doesn’t deserve to be in your life. He never did, and he never will. Fuck him. You don’t need shit from him. I’ve got you, okay? Always.” You allow him to hold you, to comfort you, because it’s just what you need in this moment. You tried to find it in solitude, tried to find it at the bottom of a liquor bottle, but it was all in vain. You just needed him.

Joe holds you as long as you allow him, letting you cry it out until he's eventually able to guide you into returning to your apartment.

But outside the door is when you hesitate.

He notices this, immediately asking, “what’s wrong?”

Your eyes start watering again. “Callie…I—I don’t want her to—”

He shakes his head, kissing the top of your head. “I asked your mom to take her back to her place. I’ll go check on her after I get you straight.”

This seems to settle some of your anxiety, and he continues to guide you into your bedroom. He helps you out of your clothes and into a simple t-shirt that he recognizes as one of his own.

Joe moves all of your decorative pillows, placing them on the chair in the corner of your room as you pull back the blankets. He turns around to find you reaching for his hand, tugging him towards the bed. “Just—just until I fall asleep.”

He doesn’t object. Joe planned to stay with you until then anyway.

He undresses enough to climb into bed with you, and you waste no time burying yourself into his chest, feeling an instant sense of peace when he wraps his strong arms around you. You’ve always felt so safe and protected in his embrace, and in this moment, it’s everything you need. 

“I realized something tonight,” you mumble into his skin. Joe’s hand is under your shirt, hand moving soothing circles on the small of your back. “I—I didn’t keep Callie from you because of your wife. That was part of the reason, but it wasn’t the main reason.” You lift your head, throat feeling pressured as you allow yourself to finally admit, “the truth is that I was terrified you would reject her the way my dad rejected me, and I never wanted her to feel that way. And I know now that you would never do that to her, but I—I didn’t know then, and I was so wrong, and I’m so sorry. I—”

“Hey—” He cuts you off, hand going to palm your cheek. “Don’t do that. I understand why you did it now, I do. You were trying to protect her. I can’t be upset with you for that. I’m not.” He studies your face, your eyes, always so beautiful to him. “I don’t think I could ever be mad at you for too long.”

It’s not a lie. Joe’s always thought he’s known you like the back of his hand, learned you so well, but tonight has shown him that he didn’t know everything. He’ll never get back the time he missed out on with Callie, and maybe on some level there will always be a slither of resentment. But, it’s not enough for him to notice and most definitely not enough for him to actually feel.

He’s not quite sure how he could find it in him to hold your decision against you. It didn’t come from a place of selfishness or vindictiveness but love and protectiveness. You just wanted to keep her from experiencing the pain and trauma you’d endured. 

There was no faulting that. 

And you accept his grace, so understanding and considerate. You feel slightly undeserving but immensely grateful that he can extend such empathy. 

You’re quiet after that, eyes shut as you work to turn off your brain and decompress what’s inarguably been one of the most difficult days of your life. You’re almost in the early stages of sleep when his voice invades the quietness. 

“I love you.” Joe doesn’t feel any sort of movement at his confession, doesn’t feel you tense or relax. He’s not even sure if you’re still awake, but still, he continues. “I’ve always loved you, and I don’t even know how much of this you’ll remember tomorrow, but that doesn’t matter because I’ve always imagined telling you under much different circumstances anyway.”

“I want to be with you,” he continues. “I’ve always wanted to be with you, and I’m sorry for not putting you first. You deserved better than that. I should have gotten divorced long before I even met you. And that’s….something we eventually need to talk about. I owe you that much.”

He wants to say more, so much more, but he also knows now is not the time given he’s almost certain you’re asleep. Hence why he finally slips out of bed, knowing he needs to check on Callie.

He doesn’t leave without caressing your cheek and kissing your temple, relieved that you’re finally getting some rest following what was inexplicably an emotionally draining day. 

But you’re not asleep, and you did hear it.

You heard it all.

________

“Who are you?”

Joe walked into your moms house, not expecting anyone other than your mom and Callie. Only one of those individuals are present, and the other is a man he’s never in his life seen before but automatically doesn’t like. Just his aura seems off. 

Joe especially hates that this man is in the same house as his little girl.

Your mom seems taken back by this side of him and explains, “Joe, this is Amir. He’s, uhh, an old friend of Y/N. He saw her run off and wanted to check in on her.”

The day's events are definitely a contributing factor as Joe feels exhausted, both mentally and physically, but hearing that this is the infamous Amir instantly angers him. What the hell is he doing here?

“You bold as hell coming here.” is all Joe says, redirecting his attention to your mom. “Y/N tell you that she found out he and Mariah been sleeping with each other?”

What he wants to say is that they’ve been fucking, but he wants to remain respectful. Even if it is hard as hell.

Your mom is looking, mouth ajar, between Joe and Amir. “Wh–what is he talking about, Amir?”

“So you’re the one that’s been feeding those lies into her.” Deflection. It’s a typical bitch move. “You talking a lot of shit for someone who abandoned his own kid and just came back on the scene like ain't nothing happened.”

If not for the fact that you’ve already explained to Joe that you’d never told Amir what really happened between you and him because it was none of his business, Joe would have been livid. He would never abandon you. And definitely never Callie. Ever.

He’d have been with you every fucking step of the way the minute you found out you were pregnant if he’d been given the chance.

But all of that is no business of this asshole’s. 

“You can say or think whatever the hell you want about me. It doesn’t matter. You’re irrelevant, regardless, so the same way you walked your ass in here is the same way you can walk your ass right on out.”

“Apparently not to Y/N.” He’s smug, and it takes a tremendous amount of willpower for Joe to not lay this man out right then and there. He doesn’t know why you would ever settle for the likes of this prick. “Not with how many times she ended up in my bed.” 

Joe partially forgot your mom was even in the same vicinity until she gasps loudly, clearly disgusted, “my Lord. Please, this is my daughter you’re speaking about.”

With a low chuckle, Joe tries his best to remain respectful yet still abundantly clear. “And how many times has she reached out to you since I’ve been back?” His silence is all the answer Joe needs, not that he really needs one at all. Joe knows you have eyes and desire for him and him alone. He just needs to prove a point to this motherfucker. “I’m not asking you. I’m telling you to stay the fuck away from my girlfriend and especially my daughter, cause the next time it won’t be no conversation.”

And before Amir can say or even, stupidly, do anything, a new smaller voice enters the scene.

“Daddy!”

Joe is unsure if he’ll ever get over the joy that fills him at being called that. Callie is at the top of the steps but proceeds to rush down when she sees him, Joe leaning down and catching her, picking her up.

“Hey, sweetheart.” He kisses her cheek, noticing almost immediately how tired she looks. Understandable, as it’s almost 11 o’ clock, far past her bedtime. Uncomfortable with this Amari or whatever the fuck his name is being so close to Callie, Joe starts leading her back up the stairs.

With a frown, she asks the question he was expecting. “Where’s mommy?” 

“She’s back at the apartment sleeping.” Joe is unsure just how to explain tonight’s events to Callie, not really knowing how to help her understand what occurred, if at all possible. “I’ll take you to see her tomorrow morning as soon as she wakes up.”

Joe walks her into her room at your mom’s place and seats her on the bed, sitting next to her. “What’s wrong with her?”

Such a simple question in wording and massively difficult in every other area, especially when one considers Callie’s young age. 

“Mommy saw someone who was very mean to her when she was little, and it made her sad, so….she just wanted to be alone.” It’s the best, simplest answer that’s not a lie he can come up with on the spot.

Callie’s frown deepens. “I don’t want mommy to be sad.”

“Neither do I, baby,” he murmurs. “But, I talked with her, and she should start feeling better soon, okay?”

Her frown diminishes slightly, and Joe can tell she’s in thought. She then asks, “are you gonna go stay with mommy tonight?”

“I was, but I can stay with you, if you want me to.” Joe knows you’ll probably sleep throughout the night because of the alcohol and more importantly, if Callie needs him, he’s there. No questions asked.

You would do the same. 

She suddenly shakes her head. “Mommy stays with me when I’m sad, so someone’s gotta stay with her while she’s sad.” Her face grows sullen again as she asks with a yawn, “do you still have to leave tomorrow morning?”

“No, I leave tomorrow night instead.”

In the midst of all of tonight’s chaos, he’d managed to switch flights, picking an evening one instead. Joe let Hunter know there was a family emergency, and that he’d be back later than initially expected. Hunter was understanding, and while he was grateful for that, it didn’t really make a difference.

You and Callie come first. 

She’s obviously partially pleased with this information and moves her body against his, laying her head on his arm. “I’m sleepy….”

Reaching to caress her cheek with his finger, he directs, “get some rest, Callie. I’ll stay with you until you fall asleep.”

She doesn’t say anything, just closes her eyes. It doesn’t take long for sleep to overtake her, a mere matter of minutes really. He stays with her longer though, just to be sure, needing to know she’s okay.

He needs both of yall to be okay.

________

You wake up with an instant sense of unease and discomfort. Your head is throbbing, and your body feels heavy. Your chest feels pressured, like there’s some invisible weight on it.

But in a matter of seconds, it all comes rushing back to you. The fireworks. Bianca. Seeing your dad. Running. Drinking. 

"I love you."

Eyes shutting, you do your best to settle your brain because only one thing is at the front of your mind when you hear giggling coming from outside of your closed door.

Callie 

Just how in the hell did your brief mental breakdown affect your child? 

Pushing the blankets off, it’s then you notice the bottle of water and white pill sitting on your nightstand. Picking it up, you see it’s Advil.

“Joe…..” you whisper, realizing he must have left it here waiting for you once you woke up. Eyes watering at his thoughtfulness, you swallow it and head straight for the bathroom. You need to get cleaned up and get out there to see what kind of damage you’ve unintentionally inflicted on your child’s psyche.

You know how attached she is to you and don’t even allow yourself to think about how difficult it must have been to be so abruptly ripped away.

Especially when you’re the one who did the ripping.

The shower is kept to a minimum, and once your teeth are brushed and face clean, you don’t hesitate to step out of the room. Following the path of sound, in the kitchen is where you find Callie. With Joe. 

They’re sharing a quiet laugh, and you’re certain it’s quiet because he told her you needed your rest. Always looking out for you. 

However, it’s when Callie happens to glance your way that her eyes go big. 

“Mommy!”

She surprisingly climbs off the counter instead of outright jumping and runs over to you. You kneel down to meet her for her hug, so tight and welcoming. “Do you feel better?” 

“Oh baby, I’m always better when I get to see you.” Kissing her forehead, you add, gently, “mommy’s sorry for scaring you.” And it's true. You never meant to scare her or make her worry about you, and it's something you'll work as hard as necessary to make up to her.

But your sweet child surprises you with her authentic, mature reassurances. “It’s okay. Daddy said you were sad,” she explains and gasps. “I made you something to make you smile!”

Touched, you palm her cheek. She really is the light of your life. “I’d love to see it, baby.”

“Okay! I’ll be right back.” She rushes out of the kitchen, and you take the opportunity to talk to Joe. Wordlessly, you move over to hug him.

“Thank you.” There’s not enough thank yous to show him just how appreciative you are to have him in your life, to have him as Callie’s father. He took such control yesterday while you were busy drowning in your daddy issues. And now he’s still here when you’re almost certain that he was supposed to have flown out at the crack of dawn. “I’m really sorry about last night. That’s not—-I don’t get drunk. I would never leave Callie like that—“

“I don’t care about any of that,” he dismisses. You believe him, as he looks entirely uninterested in any explanation you want to provide him because he sees it as unnecessary. He takes the back of hand to feel your forehead. “How are you feeling? Did you take the Advil?”

Nodding, you try again, “seriously, Joe. You’ve changed your whole schedule around—“

“You needed me,” he answers. “There was nothing to think about.”

And the tears are brewing again, but for very different reasons. This man is everything you’ve always wanted and dreamed of, even better. And he loves you. He wants to be with you. Your daughter's father wants to establish a life with you, be a family. What logical reason do you have to continue to deny him? Deny yourself?

“Joe…..” Licking your lips, you place your hands on his chest. “I lo—”

“Here it is, mommy!”

Callie’s interruption is both perfect and imperfect timing. You want so badly to tell him that you love him too, that you also want to be with him. But maybe it’s not the best timing, maybe the setting should be different.

You want him to know you love him not just because of the aftershocks of vulnerability. That you’re in love with him and have been since you were 23 years old. 

Callie is at your legs, holding up a drawing she created of you surrounded by hearts. Her artwork has always been her favorite form of expression, and you’re so grateful for her pure, kind heart in this moment.

Holding it against your chest, you lean down to accept her hug. “Thank you so much, baby. I love it.” 

“Yay!” She rejoices and then looks up between the two of you. “Daddy and I made you breakfast!”  

Gasping, you ask, “really?” It’s only then you notice the kitchen, while cleaner than one would expect after preparing breakfast with a four-year-old, you see the counters that have food laid out on a variety of plates and tupperware. “Waffles?”

“Your favorite.” Joe reaches to kiss your temple, and lightly pats your hip. “Sit down, we’ll fix it for you.”

You open your mouth to protest when Callie takes your hand and guides you to the barstools and scampers back over to Joe who picks her up, holding her with one arm while the other fixes your breakfast for you. He allows her to point and dictate what goes on your plate and how it’s fixed.

And you sit there, allowing yourself to take in this moment. There’s so much you need to navigate and sort through. Bianca, your dad, Mariah, hell, even finally being honest with Joe about your feelings. But, all of that can wait. 

Because all that matters right now are the two people you love most in this world.

[qwimblenorrisstan]

Surprise Pt. 3 | Soap x Reader

Summary: The boys get called out to a mission after you get injured during a game, and your past finally catches up to you.

Word Count: ~ 4k

Warnings: minor character death, guns, blood, injuries, lil bit of angst, ptsd, panic attacks, episodes, and yeah

A/N: alr I’m kinda making it up as I go, but I feel like I’m slowly getting better at making accented dialogue…hope you enjoy<3 (also thinking of making it gaz x reader x soap, or just johnny?? lmk what u think)

Requests are open!

Previous | Masterlist | Next

The longer they stayed in your home, still keeping eyes out for any of the terrorists in the area, the more they noticed some of your odd quirks.

Simon was the first to notice many of them, due to his years of experience in the military, and all of the skills he’d acquired during that time. He observed every little thing, whether it be on purpose or unconsciously.

Like how you always locked your door after entering or leaving, both locks as well. Not just one. Or the way your windows remained shut and locked, dark curtains pulled over most of them to block out any light or keep someone from looking in.

There was a knife under your pillow, and a small gun in the drawer of your nightstand. Simon would know, he’d searched the entire house when they’d first arrived, not sure if he could trust you or not. You had a gun safe in your room’s closet, and the screws on your room’s hinges were slightly unscrewed, as were every door in the house, so it would creak every so slightly when opened. So you could locate everyone in the house.

It reminded him of his habits a bit too much.

But you also had a kernel of authority to you, despite sometimes mumbling instead of speaking clearly, or the tiniest of nervous ticks he could notice, like how your lips would twitch left when unsure or insecure. Despite your stone-faced look now, you still had a few of the same tells that the little girl he’d known all those years ago did.

He only wondered what had happened to that little girl.

But he knew she’d grown up. And what he saw in you now wasn’t what he recalled from the girl he’d threatened in the past, the girl he’d intimidated and scared into staying away. Because now, you didn’t seem afraid of him at all. Not afraid of his comrades, either.

You were different in more than a few ways, now. He knew foster care had been rough on you, with god knows how many families taking you in only for money or being abusive. He barely knew the general timeline of how long you’d been in it. He’d heard tiny bits of it you’d offhandedly mentioned, and you seemed to have found a more permanent home at 12, staying until moving out here, looking for what most teenagers are, a meaning and some freedom.

But he hadn’t known just how rough it had been.

You’d gotten home from work looking beat one night, wearing some jeans, a uniform shirt, a belt, and per usual a holster for your gun. You always insisted on carrying it, and he didn’t blame you. Bad things happened to girls who lived alone here.

You didn’t even take any time to eat or change before walking into your room and collapsing into bed, asleep in a second. Work always seemed to tire you out, for whatever reason, but maybe they had you doing all kinds of shit he didn’t know waitresses did. Who was he to assume?

“She should eat dinner, at least.” Price said, watching from the couch as Johnny pouted slightly. He’d cooked a meal, especially for you, albeit Gaz had done most of the work and helped him out, basically making the entire dish, poor Soap had been waiting all day to try it.

“I can go get her?”

Kyle suggested, and Simon’s deep rumbling voice spoke up next, glancing over to your closed door, a neat “Do not enter.” sign on the front.

“She don’t like when people go in ‘er room.”

“Well, she’s breakin’ poor Soap’s heart.”

“She’s yer sister, why don’t you go get the lass.”

“She’d beat his ass, that’s why.”

Simon gave an exasperated sigh, getting up from where he’d been sitting next to Price, watching a soccer game. He approached your door, slowly opening it as it creaked. The lights were off, the room completely dark as the windows were also covered by the thick curtains you kept.

You’d made it clear that no one was allowed in your room before, but it looked normal to him. The walls were a shade of your favorite color, or what he assumed was, fairy lights with clips on them holding pictures of you and friends, and even a picture from years ago of the family, hanging from wall to wall. There was a desk at the front, papers thrown about and some neatly arranged. The clothes basket smelled vaguely of an irony tang he didn’t bother to investigate at the time.

A mirror hung on the other end of the door.

Walking quietly up to you, he watched you for a moment. Your body was deathly still, breathing quietly but a bit shaky. He could see your eyes moving beneath your eyelids, the movements erratic and frantic.

Despite himself, Simon found himself intrigued by the papers on your desk. Why had you bothered to keep them out of your room? What were you hiding? His military career kept him on his toes at all times and kept him suspicious of everyone.

After all, it was the people you trusted that could hurt you the most.

Walking silently over to your desk, he began going through papers. Gaz and Soap, now both watching through the doorway, made little hushed whispers of “Wha’ are you doing??” and “Jus’ wake ‘er up-“ that he ignored. The papers were all basic, nothing interesting.

Essays, research papers, lots of notes. But just when he thought he wouldn’t find anything, he slid open one drawer as it creaked slightly as well, finding files in it. Paper, Manila folders that were thick with information that he found himself curious about. However, just when he reached for the first one, he heard Johnny.

“Behind ye, Lt-“

The cold metal of a gun against the side of his head became more than apparent as someone kicked the backs of his knees in. A gun to his head, on his knees, with Gaz and Soap now in the room, hands up, carefully trying to approach him.

“Easy, lass. We ain’t gonna hurt ya..”

Johnny tried, and that was when Simon realized it wasn’t some enemy terrorist who had gotten in who was holding him at gunpoint, no, it was you. He hadn’t even heard you approach. Hadn’t heard you get out of bed or move at all.

But he did hear the hammer of the gun click back.

The first thought he had was that he was being betrayed. Double-crossed. Either that or you were having some sort of episode. Price approached the door, watching you like a wounded animal. Unlike Simon, he could see the way your eyes weren’t there, that you were somewhere else, in an entirely different world, doing what you thought was right.

Price slowly approached, bolder than both of the Sergeants, but with a practiced precision. He’d done this before. They could tell.

“Can you tell me who you’re pointin’ a gun at?”

He asked, voice unwavering and not full of pity, but instead understanding. He watched your eyes slowly trail from the gun to Simon, now completely still, and held a hand for Gaz and Soap to stay where they were. He could tell when the realization slowly began dawning on you, that you weren’t in danger, and that this was Simon.

A tiny click, the safety being switched on, before you took the gun from Simon’s head and set it on the floor, kicking it away from you to Price. Usually, you wouldn’t sleep with a gun on your person for this reason. By the time you would open the nightstand to grab it, you’d usually have already snapped out of it.

Sighing deeply, you slumped on the floor beside Simon as he slowly relaxed, and you curled up into a ball. You didn’t say anything, and neither did they. Price took the gun, standing and walking out of the room, giving a nod to Gaz and jerking his head to Soap as the Captain and Johnny left the room.

Kyle remained nearby, just in case, but didn’t say anything.

“Didn’ know you had it in ya to hold a gun to my head,” Simon said, trying for a bit of humor to make you laugh, or even hear a snort in reply, or even a snarky comment about how stupid he was. When you didn’t do anything, he silently sighed.

“How often do you have ‘em?”

“Every night.”

He made a small grunt at that. He could understand nightmares a bit too well, considering the demons of his own he had. He put an arm slowly around you, and when you didn’t stiffen, he considered it okay as he slowly stood, picking you up. However, as soon as he picked you up, you mumbled something under your breath and squirmed free, standing on your own.

“Let’s get ya some fresh air.”

He said, leading you out of the room. He took one last glance at the open file drawer and decided that you had your secrets, and he had his, and it could stay like that until either of you was ready to change it.

~

Nothing had changed since that night, other than one thing.

No one tried to wake you up again.

However, you remained as sassy and slightly stoic as usual, still caring for them, and now savoring every one of Johnny’s dinners to make up for the one you’d missed that night.

When they showed up covered in blood, sweat, and tears, you would take it in stride, patching them up and grumbling about buying more medical supplies, washing their clothes, and buying razors for them because, “A beard does not suit any of you but Price.” You’d even bought food they liked, albeit making them cough up some money for it, because of the job you had at some little restaurant they’d never heard of before as a waitress. You only really worked the job on some weekends, when you weren’t on a big absence for traveling during volleyball season, or at camps.

Your manager-landlord was surprisingly lenient about it, Simon thought. But considering all the weapons you had, he wouldn’t be surprised if a little threat went a long way.

He’d always wondered what you did at those volleyball games, anyway. That was until Price spoke up about it at breakfast one morning when you hadn’t left early for practice, and Laswell had eventually just informed them to lie low until further orders came.

“You oughtta come out wit’ us, get out the house a lil’.”

Johnny had suggested, and Gaz had given a little affirming nod. Simon remained silent, quietly watching as you shook your head.

“Can’t, got games today.”

You replied without even glancing up at them, eyes on your plate of scrambled eggs and bacon. That was the usual. You always had games, training, work, or school. With a schedule as busy as that, none of them knew how you managed it, but it left little to no time for you to simply relax or hang out with them.

Johnny grumbled about something with his mouth full of eggs when Price spoke up.

“Why don’ we go watch, eh? You been havin’ me help wit’ the plans, might as well.” He suggested before taking a big bite of bacon. You paused at that, glancing up at Price, studying him, before swallowing the food in your mouth.

“I’ll think about it.” Was the only answer they’d gotten at the time, but around thirty minutes before the game, you’d texted Simon the address, which was enough of a sign for him to get the boys and head over to your school, walking in the gym and paying for their entry. Six dollars for an adult, players were free.

To be fair, they tried their hardest to dress in civilian clothes and act normal, but it was hard when their instincts screamed to check every corner, keep eyes on the windows and doors, and scan for possible entries and exits.

You and your team were already practicing by then, setting up a hitting line, one setter in the front middle, two lines of hitters taking turns, and two passers in the back row bumping the ball to the setter, who promptly set it, and the hitter smacked it over.

Many of the girls were tall, and while you weren’t too short, standing at around 5’7 now, you weren’t the tallest either. That might’ve been the reason that you were mainly a back-row passer, also taking into consideration the control you held over your hits and body as well. The other team got full court to practice before the game for 2 minutes, which must’ve been the usual around this area.

“They bette’ win this,” Gaz murmured, seated to the left of Price, who watched as another girl on the team whispered something in your ear that had you biting your lip to hold back a smile. You were close with these people, they could all tell that.

“Our lass’ got it, I’m sure.”

Johnny said, watching the other team practice while Simon did the same. Simon’s attention was then diverted back to you, as any hint of laughter or amusement faded from your expression, into the stone wall he’d come to know. With a notebook in hand, you went over something with the rest of the team as they all huddled, the coach nearby and nodding along with it as they pointed something out with a pencil in hand.

A few adjustments must’ve been made before a game of rock-paper-scissors was played between the two coaches to decide who got first serve. The other team did. Already off to a disadvantage, he thought.

You all took up your positions in the court, Simon not recognizing anyone but you, with your hair, braided tightly back by one of your teammates, and the bright red jersey everyone on your team wore. You were number 14. He vaguely remembered Johnny mentioning something about you wearing a jersey in the number 14.

You were in the top right position, tucking any stray pieces of hair that had gotten loose somehow behind your ears, before all of your team was in position. The serve was hit over by the other team, and a brunette in the back row passed it to the setter, who made the ball go in a perfect arch in your direction. You began the approach of the ball, jumping up, arm held back, and ready to spike it. The blockers for the other team jumped, ready to deflect any ball, but right when you were going to spike it, your left non-hitting hand tipped the ball over the net.

Right between the blockers.

“Cleva girl,” Gaz said with a small smirk, and Soap lowly whistled. You didn’t glance up at them, expression remaining still despite the clever move.

It hit the floor, and a whistle sounded. Your team’s point. A rotation was done, and you were serving. They watched you toss the ball up, approach, jump, and smack it down all in less than 15 seconds before you were back in your spot, ready for the ball to be returned.

“Bloody hell..” Simon said, watching the two teams volley. He didn’t know many of the rules of volleyball, only Price knew most of them because of some of your late-night conversations on strategies to use with your team, but he was pretty damn sure you were doing good.

Your team moved in fluidity with each other, and it made Simon wonder what the hell you’d been putting these girls through in those training sessions, and what your coach had been doing. It reminded him a little of his team, his Task Force. The way you all knew each other, how high a set had to be for one specific person, the way one girl would slightly skew her bumps to the left, and the setter would move accordingly, or how to interweave without bumping into one another.

And the way you held everyone together… reminded him of Price the most.

When someone messed up, you didn’t yell or look disappointed, you simply glanced at them, acknowledged them, and gave a small nod. The same when someone pulled something off well. When you won the first set, you didn’t let your team gloat in the victory for too long.

And when you were losing the second set? Your teammates got a bit skittish, sure, but the way you remained almost totally unaffected kept them together. You were the glue of the team, keeping everyone out of their heads and in the game.

The second set was lost, but the third set remained.

“They play the last one to fifteen’.”

Price informed the boys after they’d sat up a little more, on the edge of their seats, bodies taught with stress. Kyle could’ve sworn Johnny was sweating a bit.

It went over fifteen, as you had to win by two points, and it was currently 15-16. One more point and the opposing team would win. But three more points and your team would.

Price’s phone began ringing.

A harsh serve from the opposite team and the bump was skewed by an anxious redhead in the back row. It went too far to the side, and you were running for it, but it looked too far away.

Two steps away.

Price was talking quietly to whoever was calling, his work voice on. Simon was too focused on you to care about the phone.

You weren’t close enough.

One knee went down closer to the ground, and your remaining foot kicked off the ground as your body dove for it.

A grim tone from the Captain as he nodded to whatever question Gaz had asked, while he ended the call.

Only a foot away.

Your hand flattened against the ground just as the ball bounced off of it, your head smacking hard against the floor.

Price muttered something to Soap, who tried nudging Simon, but didn’t get his attention, his eyes on you.

Your team played the ball off of the save, and the opposing team lost the point. The whistle was blown while the game was 16-16, mainly because you weren’t getting up. Out cold.

Simon shot to his feet, already, heading in your direction. There was red spreading on the floor, and he was back in his family home, looking down at his mother’s crumpled body, flashes of his little nephew’s bloodied corpse, and his brother’s shredded body coming into view.

He wasn’t there fast enough, he couldn’t get to you fast enough. He had failed.

Before he could go down even a single step, Price’s hand came down onto his shoulder firmly, holding him back. Grounding him. As he turned to face the Captain, Price spoke.

“It’s Laswell. Urgent, they need us.” He spoke quietly, and Ghost could only look on as they picked up your unconscious form from the floor, a part of your blond hair dyed red with the liquid oozing from it, and carried you away.

“She’ll be alright, Lt. Let’s go,” Soap said, grabbing Simon’s hand and pulling him along like a lost puppy. Gaz and Price were talking about something in front of them as they walked out.

The moment they got to the car, Price pulled their uniforms out of the trunk.

“Jus’ in case,”

He said, tossing them to each respective man, and Price drove while the rest of them changed in the car. The moment Simon slipped his mask on, he willed himself to forget about anything regarding you.

The job came first.

~

Your head was swimming and fuzzy. Your limbs refused to cooperate properly.

You recognized your bed, the dark curtains on the windows, and the smell of your room, covered in the perfume you always wore. Your vision was blurry, too blurry to simply be from sleeping.

Swallowing, you tried to sit up, only to find your throat dryer than a desert and your limbs shaky and weak. You made a small grunt when you tumbled from the bed to the floor, vision blurring more before going slightly back to normal. As normal as it could be right now.

You heard a small female gasp and your bedroom door opened with a creak. One of your closest friends from the volleyball team, Nalani, walked in, immediately going to your side.

Her brown, bronze skin reminded you of Gaz, and her long, dark intricate braids you’d always been amazed by hung in a ponytail behind her. Sure, you two might’ve fooled around a bit a few months back, but that was behind you. Behind both of you. She was a friend, just a friend, even if friends didn’t usually share beds and know how each other tasted.

But you trusted her more than most, that was for sure.

She’d seen your scars, heard what you could tell her without endangering her life, and she hadn’t backed away. She’d embraced it with you. Even on your worst days.

“You just busted your head open, you need to stay in bed.”

She mumbled, putting you back into the bed after lifting you. She’d changed you into your favorite pair of shorts and a loose T-shirt. It was only when she began going on and on about how stubborn you were, that you noticed a blur of movement in the doorway.

You’d seen Simon’s friends leave earlier. Assumed they’d been on a mission again.

You began pushing against Nalani, and she looked confused.

“What? What’s wrong?”

Your throat was too dry and cracked. You rasped to get something out as a gun poked around the corner. A silencer on it.

“Down, get-“

You tried pushing her down, the other hand reaching for the gun in your nightstand, fingers fumbling to find it. You were too late.

A near silent shot, and there was a hole in the back of her head that you couldn’t see but knew was there. She crumpled to the ground as you tried again to grab your pistol from the nightstand drawer, only to realize that Price had never returned it after that night.

Cursing under your breath, you grabbed the knife from under your pillow, a hunting knife, and threw it, watching as it embedded itself into the man peeking around the corner’s neck.

One down.

More came, though. Too many. Your vision blurred as you heard male voices talking, a shot down by your legs, but not quite hitting.

They were trying to disable you.

Your head was throbbing, adrenaline making you forget grief in the moment. Pain exploded through your veins as you felt a bullet whiz past you, nicking your right arm. Three men stormed the room, clearing it, before one of them came into sight, kneeling to be eye level with you.

“Thought we wouldn’t find you, yes? The Wasp’s Nest is not as secure as you thought. We’ll get our retribution.”

He spoke mockingly to you, before shoving a white bag over your head. Other voices filled the room, quiet, but loud enough for your dwindling consciousness to catch.

“…useful?”

“It’ll work……able to….again.”

“…knock her..”

“Roger that..”

You felt the blunt force of the back of a gun being slammed against your head, and your vision went black.

If you’d told the truth, then maybe none of this wouldn’t have happened.

But in the end.

The job came first.

Tags:

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@kiwibao

@kurokitty6

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[inmyheaddd]

play stupid games, win stupid prizes - jameson hawthorne x reader

a/n: this feels different from my usual writing style, idk if i like itt, lmk what u guys think! warnings: swearing, suggestive jokes??, possibly ooc jameson (his fboy era), popular reader x popular jameson wc: 1k masterlist

you couldn’t have been more reckless. really. jameson hawthorne? out of all the people?

it was supposed to be a one time thing, a stupid 7 minutes in heaven dare at a stupid party, his stupid friend who gave him your number, and his stupid decision to text you after the party. and your stupid decision to text him back.

—

lunch break finally came. you were sitting in the cafeteria as your friend swirled her iced coffee, “girl, how’d you get jameson hawthorne to literally be thirsting over you?”

you giggled and looked at him briefly, he was sitting a few tables over, but you could see the way his eyes were fixed on you. 

you shrugged as you turned your attention back at your friends. “guys, it’s not even that big of a deal, we’re barely even together.” the smile on your face said otherwise, one of your friends raised her eyebrows at you.

“i promise! besides, he’s the king of “casual,” and “mixed signals,” you know? i shouldn’t get my hopes up.” 

“i mean, this whole thing has been going on for 2 months now, things with him usually last a week. he’s definitely feeling something.”

“stop!” you exclaimed with a laugh, “you’re actually going to get my hopes up. don’t do that!” you snuck a glance over to his table, and he was talking to his friends.  

like he could sense your gaze, he looked at you, offering you a wink with his signature smile. you smiled back and looked back at your friends, only to find them all looking at you with the same expectant, knowing look on their face. 

“what?” your voice pitched higher, you felt like you were in court.

“you look so in love, it kind of sickens me.” your best friend piped up. 

“i’m not in love.” you shot back. a little crush was way different.

—

it was the end of the school day, jameson found you after class and walked to the car park with you. “i saw you at lunch today,” he glanced at you before wrapping his arm around your shoulders, steering you both to his car. 

“yeah? i saw you too.” you tried to bite back a smile as you glanced up at him. 

he hummed, “you seemed excited, what were you talking about?” the teasing tone in his voice was as clear as day.

“not you,” you replied, rolling your eyes at his cheshire cat smile, and when it only widened at your reaction, you continued. “i can assure you.”

he chuckled, “yeah well, some of your friends can be very loud. i wouldn’t be too sure.” 

you pursed your lips, “hmm, i have no idea what you’re talking about.” you shook your head, trying to change the subject before your cheeks could heat up any more. “where is your car anyway?” 

“relax, princess. i know where i’m going.” he chuckled, before finally arriving at his car. 

it was new, you realized. bright red, convertible, lamborghini, and the license plate was different. 

it wasn’t his usual “WRECK2002”, and after looking for another second, you noticed something.

“are those our initials?” you couldn’t help but laugh at the thought of jameson picking it out. it was cute in a way. 

“yes, they are. you like it?” his hand traveled up and down your back as he watched your reaction.

you hummed, “it’s alright, i guess.” you said smiling at him, knowing fully well you were obsessed.  

his grin widened as he cocked his head to the side. “guess i’ll have to do better next time, then.” he replied with another wink, before he opened the passenger seat door for you. 

“guess so,” you said, not tearing away from his gaze once as you got in. 

he closed your door for you, and then began to lean over the window. 

his lips hovered over yours, teasingly close, making your breath hitch. your eyes flickered down to his lips.

but then he pulled back, moving a strand of hair out of your face and giving you a grin. you couldn’t help the scoff that escaped your lips, and he he chuckled at that. douchebag.

—

he got into the drivers seat and started the car, one hand on the wheel as he leaned back in his chair. 

you tried to ignore the way his adam’s apple was on full view, the way his jawline looked so sharp, you really did, but it was damn near impossible. 

“where to, princess?” 

“my house, obviously. where else?” you replied with a hint of sarcasm.

he shot you a look, one corner of his mouth lifting. “and here i thought you’d want to take a detour. maybe show you a few of my favorite spots?”

“and what might those be?” you asked, playing along, even though you already knew where this was going.

“let’s see…” he tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, pretending to think. “well, there’s this one place, it’s called my bedroom.”

you rolled your eyes, unable to stop the smile tugging at your lips. “you’re nothing if not predictable, jameson.”

“predictable?” he repeated, feigning offense. “i’ll have you know, i’m full of surprises.”

“oh really?” you asked, leaning back in your seat, watching as he drove with one hand casually draped over the wheel, the other resting dangerously near your leg. “surprise me then.”

he glanced at you with an amused look on his face briefly, before turning his gaze to the road. you couldn’t miss the mischievous glint in his eyes and his turned up lips. “you should be careful what you wish for.”

—

he pulled up to your house, and before you could move, he was already opening your door, standing so close you could feel the heat radiating off him.

his eyes flickered to your lips, and your hands found their way to his chest. just as he was about to break the space, you took a step back, on your tiptoes reaching up to ruffle his hair. 

after muttering a small, “thanks for the ride,” and walking off, smiling to yourself in achievement, jameson let out a scoff of amusement, maybe even disbelief.

just as you got to the door, you turned around, giving him a little finger wave.

jameson was still standing there, dare you say even gobsmacked. his head was tilted to the side, and his eyes were narrowed ever so slightly. he had a challenging grin on as his face as he waved back, sending you a chin nod.

—

as you lay in bed, facetiming your friend and giggling nonstop about what happened, a thought crept in. whatever this was with jameson, you silently hoped it wouldn’t end up like everything else with him usually did —wrecked.

taglist: @sweetlikeanangel @x-liv25-jamieswife @thecircularlibrary @wish-i-were-heather

@whatsamongus @littlemissmentallyunstable @sheisntyou @maybxlle

@anintellectualintellectual @tornqdowarnings @emelia07 (if you would like to be added or removed lmk 🤍)

[snzhrchy]

I have a request!! Ajax x reader who is really outgoing and people see her as super annoying so they’re mean to her, one day Ajax catches her crying bc she’s fed up with it, and he confesses/they kiss.

— ☆ MORE THAN THAT !

ajax petropolus x fem!reader

synopsis; just how you and your best friend's relationship developed into something more.

notes; think i projected here a lot haha.

taglist; lmk if u wanna be on it

You were just trying to be nice. You didn’t know how you ended up like this. One minute, you’re trying to have a conversation with Bianca and the next? You’re crying under the Edgar Allan Poe statue.

It’s always been like this, you thought. People would always mistake your kindness for something else — most would either take advantage of it or make fun of it. Today was your last straw.

You had had enough of the vampire boys and the siren girls constantly torturing your mind; it was getting exhausting. And for once, you finally broke down today.

You were never the one to run away from a fight but today was different. You actually ran away from them. From their constant remarks. Today, you finally let the tears fall and you finally freed your emotions — the emotions you’d been trying to bottle up for so long.

Ironic, wasn’t it? Being treated as an outcast in a school that was made for outcasts.

It hurt. The constant insults and slandering of you behind your back; you never truly knew how anyone ever felt about you. When was the last time you ever had someone to call your friend? You couldn’t even remember.

Well, one person did come into mind: Ajax Petropolus.

From your first day at Nevermore, he’d been the only person who’d shown you any type of kindness. Hell, he was the only person who didn’t treat you like the rest.

With Ajax, you felt at peace. You felt like you could talk to him about anything and everything without the fear of ever being ridiculed. You trusted him very much.

The sound of boots clicking across the dirty marble floor caused you to jump and quickly wipe off all the tears that streamed down your face. You tried to prevent the tears from falling but were unsuccessful. You didn’t want anyone to see you like this — crying.

The sounds started to get louder, they were nearing towards you. In a panic, you aggressively cleaned your face and attempted to make yourself look presentable.

‘Knew I’d find you here!’ The person spoke, their voice was raspy yet comforting — it was Ajax. The only person you wanted to see right now.

You weakly smiled at him and gave him a small wave as if to distract from the fact that you have been crying. Yet your attempts were futile once Ajax noticed. He cursed as he walked over to you and wrapped an arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer to him.

‘Were you crying?’ He asked, turning to look at your face which has really noticeable tears stains; ‘wait — that’s a stupid question. I mean, how are you feeling?’

You chuckled at the first part of his statement — he really knew how to cheer you up or atleast, make you forget about your problems.

‘I’m better now,’ you slowly told him as he traced his fingers across your arm. ‘That’s great — who made you cry? Maybe I can stone them,’ he suggested.

‘Oh y’know — the same old people, nothing to worry about.’

‘They fought with you? Again?’

‘Yes but it’s no big deal, it happens all the time.’

Ajax turned to look at you, he had a stern expression on his face. ‘No big deal? C’mon, Y/N, they’ve been doing this since you arrived here and—‘ ‘and that’s why I’m used to it,’ you stated, ‘trust me, it’s nothing.’ He sighed, ‘well, if you say so.’

You both sat in silence for a while, just enjoying each other’s presence. Your tears had stopped falling a long time ago — the entire situation had been forgotten; you just wanted to be with him right now.

‘Hey, listen…’ Ajax began, grabbing your attention, ‘don’t listen to them, they’re wrong about everything they’ve ever said to you.’

You removed yourself from his embrace and sat up, looking at him bewildered. ‘What do you mean?’ you questioned.

‘Well, they make fun of your looks and mock your personality but they're all wrong,' he continued, 'you're beautiful and you're not annoying at all — far from it. You're the best thing to have happened to me.'

The ends of your lips slowly curved into a small smile, 'thanks,' you managed to respond. He turned his head to face you, 'I really mean it,' he stated as one of his hand gently touched your face and wiped off a tear that you didn't know had escaped your eyes.

You both stared into each other's eyes for a while until Ajax finally closed the gap between you two. You slowly shut your eyes tight as you kissed him back.

[mynameismckenziemae]

Intimate History Part I

(next part here)

You finally get Jake to tell you about his history with Rooster and things take an interesting turn.

Warnings: smut, dirty talk, MMF, oral (m receiving), dom/sub, sub!jake, femdom, humiliation, spelling/grammatical/punctuation errors, lmk if I missed any.

A/N: I’m an idiot. I thought I was deleting my own repost (I apparently screwed up the tags on the original post so it wasn’t showing up under any of the tags 🙄) and I ended up deleting the original. You’d think I’d have tumblr figured out after a year but I guess not. Anywho, please let me know what you think, but be kind…I’m sensitive.

*bzz bzz*

Rooster reaches into his pocket to check his phone, almost dropping it when he opens the message you’ve sent to both him and Jake. 

"Can't wait you see you!" with a picture attached of you in your sexiest lingerie, vibrator in hand with the tips of your fingers trailing under the waistband of your panties.

“Damn, Jake is one lucky man”, Bradley thinks, almost light headed by how quickly his blood rushes to his groin. 

He’s snapped out of his train of thought as he hears a throat clear 2 seats from his left. 

“Oh God, Hangman is gonna be so pissed. She must’ve accidentally attached it to our group text on accident” he realizes, quickly deleting the picture. 

He quickly types out, “I don’t think that was meant for me, honey. I’m sorry, I opened it before I knew what it was, but I’ve already deleted it.”

Bradley sets his phone face down on the table in front him, avoiding Jake’s gaze, willing his erection to go down while attempting to listen to the briefing. 

*bzz bzz*

Rooster reaches for his phone again, expecting to see your horrified response. His stomach flipped as he opens it. 

“It was meant for exactly who got it. I know about the little crush you have on me” your message reads. This time the picture attached was of your hand completely down the lacy front of your thong, the wet spot giving away your arousal.

Bradley startled as he heard a sharp inhale from Jake. He slowly lifted his gaze to Jake’s, expecting to see him hot with anger, but was surprised to see a different kind of heat. 

*bzz bzz*

“I’m guessing Jake hasn’t asked you yet, naughty boy—you’ll pay for that later by the way. I’ll see you both in a few days. If you’re not up for it, no hard feelings, we’ll pretend this conversation never happened.” The final picture had him swallowing his tongue. Your eyes closed and cheeks flushed as you sucked on the fingers you just had in your heat.

Bradley slowly put his phone back in his pocket, noticing the fabric tenting the front of Jake’s pants. 

________________________________________

You laughed as you stripped off your lingerie and got in the shower, wishing to be a fly in the wall when Jake and Bradley talked. 

The recent trysts in the shower and gym had cracked Jake open, and soon his secrets and desires came spilling out. 

_____________________________________________________

You could’ve cut the tension with a knife when you were introduced to Bradley; immediately honing in on the attraction on both sides. But your relationship with Jake was so new, you decided to keep your questions to yourself; at least for the time being. 

Your suspicions were confirmed a few weeks prior to the deployment, a few weeks after you gave his "reminder" in the shower.

 Head laying on Jake’s chest, drawing circles on his skin when you asked, “So why is your safe word 'Rooster'?”

You felt Jake stiffen beneath your head, you sit up to look at him, but he won’t meet your gaze. 

“What’s wrong? We don’t have to talk about it if you’re not ready.” You said, pulling his chin to look you in the eye. 

“I…have a history with Rooster…an intimate one. It started when we were both trying to hook up with this girl. She suggested we both go home with her and well, we did. We ended up kissing during it and ended up fooling around a few times. No sex, just a few hand jobs and I gave him head once. So I guess I’m…bi? I lean more towards women and I don’t need that to be satisfied sexually. You’re more than enough; you’re everything to me. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, and I understand if it’s a dealbreaker for you, I…” You silenced him with your lips.

You kiss him until you’re both breathless. “That is so fucking hot.” you murmur against his jaw, kissing a line down his neck. 

“It is? You’re not mad?” Jake asks, sounding so unsure, it breaks your heart. 

You lift your head from the trail you were making down his chest to meet his eyes. “Of course not. I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell me. Now tell me more about when you guys were together” you say as you swallow his cock. 

___________________________________________________________

Jake rolls off you an hour later, sleepy and satisfied. 

“Would you ever want to share me…with Bradley?” You ask shyly 

Jake whips his head to the side. “Seriously? You’d actually want that? You’re not just saying it because you think I’d want it?”

“No, I’ve always wanted to have a threesome, and now I’m not going to be able to get the image of you two out of my head. Do you think Roo would be interested?” You ask. 

“Yes. No doubt. I’ve busted him checking out your ass so many times. Nat told me he was ready to hit on you before he realized you were with me. He has quite a little crush on you” Jake smirks. 

You laugh, “Pffft, no way“. 

“I’ll bring it up while we’re on the boat and will let you know” Jake says with a kiss to your forehead. 

________________________________________

Bringing it up to Rooster had proved to be harder than he thought it would. 

The entire crew was still under the impression that you were sweet and innocent with how you blushed when someone made a dirty comment, how it took a few drinks for you to loosen up and relax. Your shyness was just finally starting to improve around the group after nearly 2 years together. 

If they only knew the delicious, dirty things you and Jake got up to.

Jake feared that Bradley would assume he was coercing you into something. 

You remedied that by sending those pictures and messages during the briefing. Jake almost came in his pants seeing the picture of you sucking your fingers and calling him a naughty boy. Christ, you were going to be the death of him. And now Rooster knows you call the shots; making a sweet mixture of shame and arousal shot through him, making him shift in his seat. 

________________________________________

Jake feels Bradley’s eyes on him as they walk back to their rooms after the briefing. 

Bradley shoots a quick glance to the left and right to make sure no one sees him as he slips behind Jake into his room. 

Kicking the door closed behind him, he reaches back to lock it; Jake freezes at the sound. Bradley stalks behind him and whispers in his ear, “Now, what were you supposed to be asking me?”

Goosebumps rise along Jake’s body. 

“She asked about our history before we deployed. I thought it would scare her away but she’s wondering if you’d want to join us sometime?” Jake forces out. 

“Your girl wants to be shared? The one who turns redder than a tomato whenever the topic of sex comes up? What made her ask? I haven’t told anyone about what we did.” Bradley grins as he slides his arms around Jake’s middle, loving the way Jake tenses. 

“Uh, we were uh, experimenting? In the shower. She, uhmm, asked me for my safe word. And I panicked and said "Rooster” Jake stuttered out. 

Bradley moves one hand up to rest under his pec, the other to trace circles on his lower abdomen, justtttt above his erection. “Experimenting huh? I’m intrigued. What could that sweet girl possibly do to you for you to need a safe word?”

Jake whimpers, face burning with shame but his cock somehow hardening further. “Shespankedmeintheshoweruntilialmostcameandnthensuckedmybrainsoutthroghmydick” he breathes. 

Bradley’s hips push his cock into Jake’s ass with a mind of their own at those words. “Fuck. You’re not serious, are you? That little thing brought you down a few pegs, did she? God, that’s so sexy. I’d like to see that. Did she make you cry? Hmm?”

Jake nods, too embarrassed and turned on to say anything. 

Bradley ghosts a kiss to Jake’s ear, “Tell her we’re on when we get back. I’m going to leave now, because I’m not doing anything until I see the words come from her pretty lips myself. You’re not going to touch yourself until we get back, do you hear me? Naughty boys don’t get to cum.”

Jake whines his disappointment, but nods in acceptance. 

Bradley steps back, tucking himself in the band of his boxer briefs to hide his hard on until he gets to the privacy of his own bunk, and leaves Jake’s room unnoticed. 

Jake looks down and his own erection and exhales a frustrated, “Fuck”. 

________________________________________

2 days later your phone vibrates in your pocket at work, signaling a message from Jake. 

“We’re back! Heading to the Hard Deck, meet us there after work?”

Attached is a selfie of Jake and Bradley, looking too good in their aviators, grinning like idiots.  "I'll see if I can head out a little early. See you soon!" you type back, crossing your fingers that one of your coworkers will cover you for the next 2 hours.

________________________________________

You stroll into the Hard Deck a little under an hour later, freshly showered and looking like a dream in your little sundress. 

“There she is!” You hear Jake before you’re swept off your feet. God, you missed him.

You lean in for a quick kiss, which Jake immediately deepens, much to the amusement of the crew. 

As you’re pulling away from the kiss, you hear a whispered “Get a room!” 

Your eyes meet Bradley’s as you turn in Jake’s arms, face flushing, but you keep eye contact as you reply, “You’d like that, wouldn’t you” with a wink.

Bradley chokes on his beer and nods, “Well played.”

________________________________________

A few rounds of pool and darts later, your face and chest are pink. Thankfully everyone still there figures it's the flush from the alcohol in your drink, but Jake’s been rutting his denim clad cock against you since your earlier kiss. You knew he was excited for the plans for that evening, but it was almost like he couldn’t control himself. “What’s gotten into you?” 

“You know how I finally talked to Bradley on Tuesday?”

“Mhmm, took you long enough” you k joke, smiling into his arm. 

“Well… he got me a little worked up, he didn’t kiss me or touch my dick or anything. Said he wanted to hear it from you in person first, but then he said…” Jake gulps. 

“What did he ask baby?” You ask, pushing your ass back into his erection. 

“He said I couldn’t touch myself until we were back; that naughty boys don’t get to cum” he whispered into your hair, embarrassed. 

You knew he liked it by the way his cock twitched against you when he said it. “And you listened?”

“Yes ma’am.” He nods. 

“Mmm good. Time to go.” You say as you grab his hand to lead him out. You mouth “Five minutes” as you pass Bradley and he gives you a nod. 

________________________________________

Thankfully Bradley parked the Bronco in the dark corner of the lot. As soon as you were out of sight, Jake had you pinned against the driver's door, kissing you hard, fingers playing with the hem of your dress. 

 He pulls back and looks you in the eye. “I missed you so much baby, you have no idea. Are you sure you want to do this?”

You smile and nod, taking his hand and pushing it under your dress. Watching his eyes widen as he realizes you aren’t wearing underwear. “Can you feel how sure I am?”

Jake slips two fingers in you, using the palm of his hand to press on your clit.

You both startle as you hear a throat clear to your right. "It's only been 4 minutes" you tease, pulling Jake's hand from under your dress. He starts to bring his wet fingers to his mouth, but you grab his hand and offer it instead to Bradley.

The boys lock eyes as Bradley sucks Jake's fingers clean. You whimper as a fresh wave of arousal coats your thighs.

Bradley releases his fingers and gives him the keys. "You're driving".

_________________________________________

You sit in the middle as Jake pulls out of the Hard Deck parking lot, resting your hand on Bradley's upper thigh. "Should we give him a show?" you breathe into his ear as you drag your hand closer to his groin.  Bradley nods and pulls you in for a kiss. His moustache tickles and you smile into his lips. He deepens the kiss, licking into your mouth, drawing a moan from you. You feel Jake's hand grip your thigh and your own hand travels over the sizeable bulge in Bradley's jeans, popping the button. "Lift your hips" you murmur against his lips. He does so and you help pull his pants and boxers down.  You shift in your seat, purposely nudging Jake's hips with your ass as you lean down to lick the precum gathering at Bradley's tip and moan at the taste. Bradley's hands fly into your hair, while Jake grips your hip.

You tease Bradley at first, kitten licking his shaft. You can feel his grip tighten in your hair, but doesn't push your head down. "Such a gentleman" you think. Without warning, you suck him to the back of your throat, tears prickling at your eyes as you fight not to gag. You start slow, but increase gradually with every bob of your head. "Christ, that mouth", Bradley groans, "You give head almost as good as Jake". You snort at that, giving him a little teeth on the way up. His grip tightens in your hair, but he lets out a breathy laugh. "I'm kidding, sweetheart. You're both good. So, so good.  Jake's hold on your hip tightens but he lets go. You hear him let out a groan of his own. "Ya'll are killing me. We're almost home". You feel him palming himself, trying to relieve some pressure. 

You feel the Bronco pull onto your street and double your efforts, moaning around Bradley and reach up to gently tug on his balls. 

"Honey, I'm gonna cum. Where do you want it?" Bradley grinds out, tugging on your hair to pull you off. You moan while you shake your head, encouraging him to let go.

You feel the vehicle stop in the driveway as Jake shifts it into park. You gently press on Bradley’s perineum and it sets him off; his balls draw up as he cums in your mouth. "Fucccccccccckkkkkkk" he moans, hips gently thrusting. You swallow most of it as you pull off him. 

You sit up and turn to Jake. He's wrecked, still desperately palming himself over his jeans. You put your hand over his as you lean over and kiss him hard, letting him have the rest of Bradley's cum from your mouth. Jake gasps as he tastes it and lets out the most pitiful whine. 

You pull away to see him panting as hard as Bradley is behind you, eyes screwed shut with a grimace on his face.

"I just came in my fucking pants".

[demelza00]

Dark Days

Suguru Geto & Gn!Reader

Contains: some comfort, Geto is having a really bad day, no actual romance, kind of really angsty ??

You can't really comfort him, so you're just there for him when he needs it </3

I'm not dead yall! Even though it's been like a year yikes. Just wrote this and realized I actually really like it?? Mostly self-indulgent I love making characters sad. ALSO I might make this a series?? Get the other characters involved?? If yall wanna see that lmk!

-This is after the Star Plasma Vessel Arc, Geto has not gone rouge, they're ~17

Word count: 637

POV: 1st person

-

I carefully knock on Geto’s door, but I don’t hear anything. He has to be here.. I try the door, and it’s unlocked, so I open it and lean my head in. For a moment I don’t see him, but then I recognize the bumps in his unmade bed. I quietly step in and close the door behind me. He barely opens his eyes to look at me from under his blankets.

I don’t say anything- frankly I don’t know what to say. I walk over slowly, wanting to give him time to tell me to leave. He doesn’t. When I’m beside his bed, he moves a bit, and his tired eyes watch me as his hand comes out from under the blankets, held open. I kneel down beside his bed and hold his hand.

He sighs quietly, his eyes closing again. We sit in silence for what’s probably a few minutes. He squeezes my hand. His eyes open again. He slowly pulls my arm toward him. I stand up and carefully sit on his bed, beside where he’s laying down, and he moves his head to be in my lap.

Cautiously, I move my hand to his head, then run my fingers through the top of his hair. It looks like a tangled, unwashed mess, and that scares me. I’ve seen him sick, I’ve seen him burnt out, but I’ve never seen him not take care of his hair. After about a minute, he’s asleep.

-

Geto’s eyes open, and I look down at him. He doesn’t look like he’s feeling any better. But I really don’t blame him for that. He hasn’t felt right since everything with the Star Plasma Vessel. Riko. He looks up at me, his expression not changing. I don’t say anything still.

He opens his mouth to say something, then cringes and tries to clear his throat. I reach over and grab his water bottle, and he pushes himself to sit up, and takes it. He drinks some water, then seems to be able to clear his throat properly. His arms are shaky as he tries to set the water bottle back on his nightstand.

I gently take it and set it there for him. He looks at me for a moment, and I swear I see small tears pooling. He closes his eyes. After a few seconds, he looks at me again. “Thank you,” he mumbles. “Anything for you,” I say quietly. He takes a deep breath, and lays back down, this time not on my lap.

He stares at the ceiling, and I watch him. I don’t know if he’s ready to try to feel better yet. Eventually, I stare at the wall instead.

-

Geto’s head turns, and I look down at him. “You’re still here?” he asks quietly. I nod. “Why?” he asks, still quiet. “You’re going through something. I don’t like going through things alone. I won’t let you deal with this alone either,” I say quietly. He stares at me for a few more seconds, then looks back at the ceiling.

“I don’t wanna do this anymore,” he says. I don’t say anything. I know he hates this- all of this. Curses. Ingesting curses, the physical manifestation of the worst of humanity. Watching people die. Watching friends die. Being able to do near nothing about it.

Being told to get over it.

This is your life as a sorcerer.

It doesn’t get better, you get used to it. We all hate it. Some of us deal with it better. Some of us deal with it differently. But we all hate it. That much is true. That much is seen in Shoko chainsmoking at 17. That much is seen in Gojo refusing to ever be weak, even with us. That much is seen in Geto’s episodes of.. this.

-

-

I hope you guys liked it!! If you want a continuation I will totally make one, feel free to leave some suggestions!! Requests are open as well <3 Likes & reblogs appreciated love yall

[rubber-ducky143]

𝔼𝕒𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕊𝕖𝕦𝕟𝕘𝕞𝕚𝕟

🐇🥕💐🪺🐇🥕💐🪺🐇🥕💐🪺🐇🥕💐🪺🐇🥕💐🪺🐇🥕

A/N: Again, sorry for not posting yesterday!! I was yapping to my gf on a 3+ hour call and then a few hours after, I went to Rutland! I had fun though and omw home, I thought of this and since it’s Easter, it only makes sense to post it today instead of postponing it to next week! Plus, I have a lot energy (I got a Monster this morning) so I feel like writing :3

Word count: 1586

Pairing: Kim Seungmin x gn! Reader (they paint their nails if that means anything!!)

Warnings: Fluff, “Easter Bunny”, light swearing, lmk if I missed anything :3

You woke up, any ordinary day. You were sleepy and honestly just wanted to get back to sleep but when the thought crossed your mind that your cousins and parents along with your aunt were coming over for Easter, you immediately wanted to get up and get ready for the day. 

You tried to get up but Seungmin wouldn’t let you. For someone who doesn't like physical touch, he was oddly clingy. Especially today. 

“Seungmin, I gotta get up and get the baskets, breakfast and the egg hunt ready,, I only have like an hour.. And on top of all that, I have to get myself ready..” “Why do you only have an hour..? Aren’t they coming over around 10..?”

You sigh and roll your eyes.

“Yeah but it’s 8:52, almost 9..”

“Really..?”

‘Yeah. Really.”

Seungmin sighs and rolls over, still as tired as ever. He gets up, nonetheless. 

🐇🥕💐🪺🐇🥕💐🪺🐇🥕💐🪺🐇🥕💐🪺🐇🥕💐🪺🐇🥕

You both get out of bed after 8 or 9 minutes of stretching, almost falling asleep, and cuddling.

“Do you want my sweatshirt?”

You hear Seungmin ask. He was still sitting on your shared bed while you were in the bathroom, trying to fix your hair.

“The 1987 one?” “Yeah, what else?” “I’d say yes if you hadn’t slept in it.” “You sleep in the same clothes and wear them all the time! What’s wrong with wearing clothes I’ve slept in?” “It’s sweaty.” “You wear this sweatshirt even if I’m sweating after practice. What’s the difference between sweating during practice and sweating while unconscious?”

You sigh and roll your eyes once more. You didn’t really understand the difference yourself. You could’ve just said you didn’t want to wear it but he would’ve asked why because that sweatshirt of his was your favorite on him and to “borrow”.

You don’t end up wearing the gray 1987 sweatshirt. You end up wearing your own clothes. A Harley Quinn shirt with some distressed jeans/shorts/skirt. You didn’t bother putting socks on. 1, you were in your own house and weren’t going anywhere and 2, you didn’t paint your toenails just to hide them. Not that anyone would look at your feet anyway. If they did, I suggest being slightly concerned unless you like it. No judgment :)

🐇🥕💐🪺🐇🥕💐🪺🐇🥕💐🪺🐇🥕💐🪺🐇🥕💐🪺🐇🥕

Once you and Seungmin are both done getting ready, you make your way to the kitchen.

“Hey, Seung? Can you help me set up?”

“I was planning to anyway. We only have about an hour, right?” You nod and kiss Seungmin on the cheek before walking to the kitchen and gathering the bags of the eggs, candy, stuffies, baskets and other easter things.

“What can I do to help?”

Seungmin asks, standing patiently (somehow) in the doorway of the living room. “Can you put the eggs around? They should be all filled already.. If not,” You place a green-basket looking bowl on the table. It has candy of all kinds. Chocolate eggs, Reese's eggs, Marshmallow bunnies, Peeps, and much more.

Seungmin nods as a grin spreads across his plush lips. He was hoping you’d ask him to do that. He just wished you wouldn’t know what he was planning.

“No putting them in unreachable places, Kim Seungmin.” “Yeah, yeah. No promises.” Seungmin takes the box of eggs and starts placing them around the house. Most of them are in reachable places. Most of them. 

🐇🥕💐🪺🐇🥕💐🪺🐇🥕💐🪺🐇🥕💐🪺🐇🥕💐🪺🐇🥕

While Seungmin is placing the eggs for your little cousins, you set up their baskets. Each one with similar items. A blue basket with a blue bunny plush. This was for your youngest cousin, Myla. Even though she was barely 3, you knew she still loved bunnies. The next basket was themed yellow. It had extra peeps in it because you knew your second youngest cousin, Cosmo. Cosmo was 5, almost 6 and loved peeps with his whole little heart. He was always so happy when he found them in the store. And for your last, oldest cousin. (Oldest but still years younger than you). Constance. Her basket was purple themed. When she told you she wanted a purple themed basket from the Easter Bunny, you immediately noted that. Constance was 11. Her favorite color was purple and she liked playing Animal Crossing. Also noting that she loves Animal Crossing, you got her a plush of her favorite character, Blaire.

After you finished setting up the baskets and Seungmin was (almost) done with setting the eggs up, you called your mom to see if they were on their way.

“Hello?”

You hear through the speaker of your phone.

“Hey, mama, are you about to leave?”

“Yes, why?”

“Just wondering, do you want me to make some food? Besides lunch, of course. Snacks or drinks?”

Your mom thinks for a moment with a “hmm” sound coming from the other side of the line. You hear her ask your dad, aunt, and cousins if they wanted anything. You almost immediately hear a scream for Shirley Temples and Lay’s Salt and Vinegar chips. You laugh and make note of those 2 things.

“Anything else?” You ask. You felt like you were asking if someone at Subway wanted anything else with their order. 

You hear your mom chuckle before responding.

“Fruits, preferably Mangos, Peaches and Strawberries. You can add other things to your liking, I just know everyone here will love those 3 things.”

“Alright. Thanks mama. I’mma go now, bye.” “Bye kiddo, we’ll see you in about 30, 40 minutes.”

You hum and hang up.

“What do they want?”

Seungmin asks from behind you. It scared you but you turn around, nonetheless.

“Fruits, Lay’s and Shirly Temples.”

“Oh, okay. We do have Sprites, Ginger Ales and that Grenadine stuff. I don’t know about fruits though. Do they want specific fruits or?”

“They want Mangos, Peaches and Strawberries. I know we have mangos and strawberries but I don’t think we have peaches. I’d also like some Watermelon and Pineapple..”

Seungmin nods and walks to the door.

“Where are you going?”

You ask, slightly surprised.

“Going to get fruits. Do we need anything else? Anything for lunch? Any drink preferences?”

“Uhm.. We could use some more coffee powder. Some milk too. I think that’s it.”

You get up and check the fridge along with your pantry to confirm your request.

“Yeah, that’s it.”

Seungmin nods and kisses you goodbye before heading out to the grocery store.

🐇🥕💐🪺🐇🥕💐🪺🐇🥕💐🪺🐇🥕💐🪺🐇🥕💐🪺🐇🥕

While Seungmin is shopping for your list of groceries, you make some coffee with the last of the espresso mix you have. Luckily, it was just barely enough to make 1 last serving. 

You enjoy your coffee while leaning against the counter. 

After about 20 minutes, Seungmin comes back along with your family arriving. 

When you see them enter the door, you’re quick to grab the groceries from Seungmin and place them on the kitchen island, peck Seungmin on the lips, and then hug all three of your cousins at once.

Once you get your cousins occupied with their baskets, you chat with your mom, dad and aunt, Seungmin prepping 4 Shirley Temples (3 for each of your cousins, 1 for you) and the snacks.

After chatting for almost an hour and your cousins complaining they’re bored and hungry, you prepare lunch while Seungmin entertains your cousins with whatever he finds funny. 

🐇🥕💐🪺🐇🥕💐🪺🐇🥕💐🪺🐇🥕💐🪺🐇🥕💐🪺🐇🥕

Once everyone is full with food, drinks and candy, you ask your cousins if they want to start the egg hunt. They all exclaim a loud yes and run over to Seungmin who was holding color-coded baskets for each of them. Purple, Blue and Yellow, just like the ones their things came in.

You, Seungmin, your mom, dad, and aunt all enjoy watching your 3 little cousins run around to gather as many eggs as they can. Some, Seungmin or your dad had to get for them because someone decided to put them in unreachable areas even though you specifically remember telling that someone not to.

You all share laughs and make new memories with each other. As much as they wish they could stay, your cousins hug you and Seungmin goodbye before you hug your parents and your aunt.

You make sure your cousins have everything and finally wave to them as they all walk out of the front door to go back home.

Once everyone leaves, you and Seungmin (half-ass) clean the house and end up cuddling each other on the couch, enjoying the silence after hours of 3 little kids running around and screaming.

“You’re cousins are little shits, you know that right?”

Seungmin teases.

You nod your head and laugh. You knew that. They were annoying to deal with but you love them anyway. You know Seungmin does too. He just refuses to show it.

“Happy Easter, Seung..”

You say quietly. Almost falling asleep even though it was around 5pm (17:00).

“Happy Easter, Y/N..”

[oingomyboingos]

the other day I was sitting with my cis dude friends around the fire and I asked them “if you woke up tomorrow with different genitals what would you do?” and a lot of them took it as if I was asking them about a change in gender. so I clarified that no no, this is body parts. you get to tell me whether that affects your gender or not, and how.

and it genuinely threw them for a loop. I got told first off “jill, i’m too drunk for this!” so I (massive little shit that I am) asked them again tonight while sober. and their responses were interesting.

one guy started asking if the government would know about the changes that happened to him. would he have issues proving he was who he said he was. would he need to get his gender marker changed on his ID. I said again “i don’t know. do you think having a vagina would change your gender? would you want to publically go thru those changes in a legal way? would this be a private thing or not?” he kinda got stuck. he said he’d want tits to see what being a woman was like with the full package. I again asked him “if it’s about seeing yourself in the mirror, then I have a bra upstairs we can put on and stuff. you’re not talking about your inner sense of self and how that connects to how you look.”

I don’t think he got what I was saying.

another one of the guys got stuck on the idea of periods. he has a fear of blood and said it would be really traumatic for him. I agreed that yeah it can be traumatic. periods were so traumatic for me I got on meds to stop them altogether. we didn’t get to talk more about if that would change his sense of self, but he did I think engage with the idea of dysphoria and like gender affirming heath care by bringing that up.

the last friend was most interested in how this would change things for him socially. he asked if it meant he’d get free drinks at the bar from people trying to hit on him. I said, I don’t know, what kind of bar are you at? what kind of people are you dating? are you dressing femme? masc? he didn’t really know. we went “bro do u want us to buy you a drink next time? drink from the homies??” and he said yeahhhh 🥺 lol.

I have no real commentary here other than it’s interesting how infrequently cis people think about their gender and what makes them feel the way they do about themselves.

i guess i’m (in a roundabout way) trying to get them to explain what masculinity means to them, because it’s something I have the hardest time connecting to as a genderfluid afab person.

anyway. idk. any suggestions for further questions to ask my cis dude friends? lmk in the comments

[m1ckeyb3rry]

hii mira !!

i have a question - how do u come up with or find inspiration for events that happen during a war-themed arc (like athyae)? asking cause im having a lot of trouble trying to formulate events during a war arc and im not rlly sure how to go about it in terms of pacing 🤕

(my mc is a nurse in the military and im trying to brainstorm how i can expand upon this but im not rlly sure where to go as of rn and this arc will last a little while, so im also not sure how to pace it)

hihi ray!! omg i’m so honored that you asked hehe i will do my best to help out!! i’m going to use SitH as an example because you mentioned it but if you want any clarification or anything on a finer point then you can ofc lmk 🫡

okayyy so with athyae i knew some basic things going into it since it canonically happens (kind of?? like it’s briefly mentioned in-verse) which helped me build from there. athyae is the only other place where the wine idea was utilized and i knew that i wanted y/n to be the one who came up with it because it would come back to haunt her. i also wanted y/n to battle with the propaganda/brainwashing that we know from canon is used by marley, which is where the idea for the amatas was conceived, and i always knew xanthe was going to die. at first, xanthe’s death was meant to show y/n that marley isn’t all that, but i changed it to be her fault to kickstart her mental deterioration into being fine with suggesting genocide. that is to say — i had a character, and i knew i needed her to eventually do some crazy shit, so i needed to come up with a plausible sequence of events to get her to that point. from there, it was all about guiding her to what i needed from her!!

it’s jarring for readers as well as characters if you thrust them into things with zero warning. that doesn’t mean that you can’t play with tonal shifts and whatnot, but it should be subtle, especially if you’re going from a more lighthearted setting into war. with athyae, i accomplished that via the declaration of war and general magath’s scare tactics abt what the athyaens would do to them if they were captured, as well as the newspaper that friedrich and colt read about the hanged scout. that part of the arc is still mostly lighter (friedrich’s infamous “call him daddy and mean it”, y/n describing how beautiful athyae is, the introduction of cordelia and the little jealousy subplot), but there are inklings of what’s to come being sprinkled in. that’s why, when you get hit with the baby scene, it still feels like things have taken a dramatic turn, but also not in a random way that’s just for shock value?? idk if that makes sense lol

so to sum up the last two points i would say a) know WHY you’re writing a story set in a war. why does your character specifically have to work in the military?? could they be a nurse anywhere else?? if you can firmly say that your story/plot would be completely different if there wasn’t a war happening you’re on a good track. from there, have an idea of one or two key things that you NEED to happen in the arc and that pretty much define it. then go through and think about how you can get your character into a situation where those key events feel plausible, and structure your story so that the buildup feels natural instead of out of the blue.

in terms of coming up with specific events (in athyae: the baby scene, the burning of the village, marek’s torture, etc etc), there really is no greater inspiration than history. now obviously it won’t be word for word — it’s not like there were titans and spinal fluid in wwii, which is mostly what i researched for athyae given the time period, but looking at past examples of wars gives you a feel for how many atrocities humans are capable of, which is much more relevant. there’s no event in history that i could see directly aligns with the fall of the athyaen capital, but assimilating my knowledge of the show with various tidbits about past conflicts helped me come up with something that felt authentic. the same goes for marek’s torture, which tbf we only find out abt post-war but since your character is a nurse they will probably encounter more marek’s than not — i researched various torture methods until i settled on a few that made sense given the attitudes towards eldians and the technology of the time, as well as what they were trying to gain from him. you’ll probably have to put “historical” in front of “torture methods” otherwise you’ll mostly get government websites talking about how torture is no longer legal. also, scrolling through the geneva convention and seeing some of the things that are outlawed in it should also provide ideas (depending on how dark you’re wanting to go).

in terms of pacing, i would suggest splitting a war arc into smaller arcs!! athyae was two, and the mid-east arc (which i never wrote but did plan) was seven, with each smaller arc only lasting about 5 chapters (i average about 5-7k words per chapter, so that puts each smaller arc at roughly 25-35k words each, give or take, ymmv). for athyae, i split it into ‘war on athyae’ and ‘defeat of athyae’. the separation allowed me to focus on the particular goal of the smaller arc super well and made the overall athyae arc feel more cohesive, as each portion of the war was given due attention. each mini arc gets an ‘inciting event’ that it’s named for (with ‘defeat of athyae’ it was the wine idea) and that the rest of the chapters are built around; this event can be at any moment in during the mini arc, but it should really be the focal point that dramatically changes the way the arc goes. for ‘defeat of athyae’ it was the wine idea; for ‘war on athyae’ it was y/n staying with the amatas. by boiling a larger arc down into these very rough mini arcs with focal points, you can ensure you give yourself enough space to handle the events that NEED to happen while also having the freedom to ad-lib as you go along and change things up if your story insists on going in a different direction

i hope this was a little bit helpful!! hehe i think a lot of the times too i’ve looked an outline and been like “yeah this’ll be 3k words max” and then it ends up being twice or thrice that length because i always underestimate how much ‘chapter space’ things like internal monologues and descriptions take up. so honestly pacing might come more naturally than you expect!! but anyways pls lmk if this was what you needed or if you have any other questions you’d like me to answer, i will do my best 💖

[ghastlybin]

HI I’M BACK I WOULD LOVE TO SEE MORE ON REAPER! SEONGHWA PLEASE I LOVED HIS INTEGRATION IN THE YEOSANG FIC YOU DID AS PER MY REQUEST YOU CAN DO AN X READER OR JUST A LORE TYPE FIC ABOUT HIM AS A REAPER BUT EITHER I NEED IT THANK YOUUUUU ~ overexcited atiny anon 🙈

Hahahahaha yooooooo back again ay? Anywho, thank you for your request and patience, I uhhh combined your suggestions? Lore + an X reader LOL. Trying out a new format also so I hope it doesn't look too weird. Anyways, ILY PLEASE ENJOY and lmk of any feedback.

-> DON'T FORGET TO LOOK AT THE WARNINGS GDI.

Yeosang fic mentioned in the ask

W.C▾5.1K

Seonghwa X GN Reader

▾Reaper! Seonghwa ▾ Reaper! Reader ▾ FT. Souls keeper! Hongjoong, Angels! Yeosang, Wooyoung, and Jongho, Demon! San, Yunho and Mingi are humans, still. ▾ Angst ▾ Fluff ▾ Blasphemous language ▾ Strong language ▾ Pet loss mentions? not descriptive dw ▾ Familial loss mentions? ▾ major character death ig?▾ Hiding your relationship, yk how that goes ▾ Takes place before/ during Yeosang being outcast from the angelic realm ▾ San is innocent btw ▾ Shit goes down lol ▾ I lowkey cried but that’s because I’m a lil bitch▾ Oh, Dreamcatcher’s Siyeon is mentioned as a reaper▾ She has plot armor despite being in one line & she's innocent too▾ the reader / Y/N is better than me fr, I’d translate these hands into fists so fast- ▾

The realm that separated the angels and the demons.

Purgatory.

The in-between, as some called it. Some argued that it was on par with the demonic realm while others- Namely the demons, disagreed.

None of it bothered Seonghwa. He ran the place, after all, being the lead reaper. None of the gossip fazed him. He knew the place better than anyone.

The ins and the outs, the plant life that grew exclusively around the realm, every form of matter, he could even tell you where something was without a doubt in mind.

Seonghwa met everyone that entered the realm and was there to bid farewell to anyone leaving.

It was his home and if someone didn’t like it, well, good thing it was his home and not theirs.

He’s had a fair share of run-ins with new and old souls that pass through his mist-blanketed realm.

He met babies and children up to the age of fourteen, some who didn’t make it to their first year, some who were almost teenagers but were cut short, and some who were placed in the hands of the wrong people. He met teenagers and adults, of varying ages.

Every cause of death, what they were doing before their last moments, he knew as if it were an instant message to his brain.

Then he met animals of all kinds. They would love him instantly, having a sense that he wasn’t bad and in turn would ease their fears. Seonghwa took care of them all. Escorting them to where they needed to go.

The animals went across the rainbow bridge, where Hongjoong waited on the other side, happily greeting each and every one.

Seonghwa wasn’t the ‘bad’ version of Hongjoong, nor was he a demon. He was a reaper. He didn’t kill or order anyone to be killed because of his title.

No one feared him in purgatory. Not with the warm welcome or the kindness he showed to newcomers regardless of their lives spent on earth.

“Is my mom here?“

“Have you seen my pet?”

“Is my dad here?”

“My sibling passed away before me. Will I see them again?”

Seonghwa knew the answers to every question. Most of the time it would be a simple,

“Yes. They have been waiting for you.” But when the answer was, “No.”, he could never seem to find the right answer no matter how simple.

Sometimes the people they were looking for were still alive on the land of the living. Sometimes, they were in a different realm, inaccessible to the person asking. And still, Seonghwa tried his best to help ease these souls’ anguish.

“Welcome, my name is Seonghwa.” Everyone got that greeting except for animals. They received pats and treats Seonghwa kept on him at all times.

“Don’t be afraid. This is just temporary. You are safe.” No one feared him. But some did occasionally fear where they entered, thinking they were in the demonic realm.

▸

If Seonghwa hadn’t been at this for far longer than you, you’d be the leader of the reapers. There was no denying that you were the second best. Even Seonghwa, the actual leader of the reapers, would appoint you as the leader if he could.

The Purgatory Realm was an open space for any reaper residing there or just passing through, no area was off limits, though you— As well as every other reaper had claimed their areas of the realm.

Whenever someone or an animal ended up on your respective area of the realm, you were always kind and offered any form of comfort to them, knowing they were just as confused as you were when you died centuries ago.

And among the reapers, you were voted the best at escorting those who recently passed on. To Seonghwa, that didn’t come as a surprise. Because out of the other reapers, you had the worst death.

Yet you were still unbroken.

“Hey there buddy! Lived a long life, didn’t we?” You cheerfully called towards the fully grown dog, who happily wagged his tail on his way toward you. Upon placing your hand on top of his head, you were able to see his full life, starting from the moment he was born, to the moment he died.

What felt like yet another lifetime, was only a few seconds and you were back in your corner of the realm, still petting the dog, who didn’t live a life as happy as he was in front of you.

“Oh no… You’re safe here. No one can hurt you here.” You kissed the top of his head before checking the name on the collar.

“Luck? Lucky? What does that say?” You murmured, trying to read the name that had faded with time.

“What is his name?” Seonghwa startled you, causing you to drop the nametag. You looked at the lead reaper, who kneeled beside you to pet the dog.

“Lucky, I assume.”

“It’s Luke.”

You raised your eyebrows in realization, seeing the faded letters matching up with Seonghwa’s observation.

“I’m calling an audit. His name is now Lucky.”

Seonghwa smiled, petting Lucky— Or Luke, as he happily wagged his tail.

“Lucky or Luke, we should get him to the rainbow bridge soon.”

“Can I keep him?” You asked, rising to your feet, looking at Seonghwa with persuading eyes.

“You ask that for every animal you meet.”

“And everyone always tells me no.”

Seonghwa stood up, patting the side of his leg for Lucky to follow. You followed as well, feeling gloomy about having to part with Lucky soon.

“I would let you keep every animal if they didn’t risk losing the ability to reincarnate.” Seonghwa rang the bell for Hongjoong, causing the rainbow bridge to appear as the fog parted ways for the three of you.

Lucky barked, picking up speed towards the bridge. You smiled bittersweetly.

“Does he have to reincarnate? Humans suck.”

“I agree with you on that,” Seonghwa sighed, stopping both of you from getting too close to the bridge. “But this time, Luke— Lucky, is guaranteed a nice life.”

“Ah, so a peace offering for the shit he lived through previously.” You stuffed your hands in your pockets as Hongjoong was taken by surprise when Lucky jumped up, wagging his tail and licking Hongjoong all over his face. He laughed, wiping his face when Lucky raced towards the other animals excitedly.

“Next animal that comes through with a horrible life, I’m going to the land of the living and showing them why I used to be a demon.” You mumbled, being completely serious.

With that, Seonghwa laughed, a rare sound to hear from the leader of the reapers. Hongjoong waved towards you two from the other side of the bridge before it faded back into the fog.

“For now, try not to get your title relinquished, alright? I still need you.” He looked around as he said that but then his eyes stopped on you, who smirked.

“For a scary reaper, you sure are sentimental.”

▸

Those inhabiting the purgatory realm didn’t have to follow any angelic or demonic rules. They were free to do and say whatever as long as it didn’t interfere with the angels or demons.

However, reapers only had one unspoken rule.

No two reapers can be in a relationship.

Same for a reaper and an angel or a reaper and a demon.

Unspoken, yet every reaper knew not to pursue a relationship with anyone. Their purpose was to focus on their jobs as reapers and they would have complete control over their soul.

Even the soul's keepers have this rule implemented.

The risk of losing your soul didn’t stop you or Seonghwa from being with each other, sneaking around just to see each other by unprofessional means and hiding your feelings for each other from the other prying reapers.

You were sure some of the other reapers suspected something. Even Seonghwa had heard rumors about you dating someone, whether it was an angel or a demon— And although only half true, he would still deny them on your behalf.

If anyone paid any more attention, your relationship would be obvious.

Seonghwa knew only one other person— Other than you, knew how much he loved you.

Hongjoong.

He is the soul's keeper, after all. Someone with that much access to someone’s soul? Of course he’d know.

And having that kind of knowledge would be kept strictly confidential.

You two have gotten used to hiding from everyone, albeit exhausting. It didn’t feel fair, how demons could freely fall for each other, or how angels had access to full blown celebrations but only when a relationship was deemed serious enough.

There was a loneliness that came with loving Seonghwa, that had nothing to do with him and everything to do with whoever created the rule of reapers living their eternities alone.

It was hardly living. And because you were a reaper, you weren’t living at all.

What a cruel way to live, not being able to love someone out loud.

Seonghwa found you sitting by the dark pond with a small fog that blanketed the body of water, parting more when Seonghwa got closer.

“Any newly deceased around here?” Seonghwa asked, sitting against the grey grass beside you.

“I escorted fifteen people two hours ago. Siyeon said she’d take over for me.” You stared out at the pond where the fog wasn’t covering the water.

“Good. You could use a break,” Seonghwa smiled, leaning back with his elbows propping him up. “Is this your favorite place?”

You looked at him, a smile instantly forming on your face seeing the man that has made you feel more alive in death.

“No.” You tossed a pebble into the water, causing a small ripple. “My favorite place is in front of gate P-043.”

“Which gate is that?” Seonghwa looked at you with furrowed eyebrows. You smiled a little wider.

“The gate I met you at… Some of the reapers and I have named every known gate into the realm.” You explained, easing his expression. He sat up, tossing a pebble into the water, copying your previous action.

“I have an idea.” Seonghwa turned to face you and in turn, you did the same.

“You always wished we could show affection freely, yeah?” he continued.

You nodded slowly. Seonghwa grinned, taking your hand and flattened it against his, proceeding to put both your middle finger and ringer finger down against your palm.

“Devil horns?” You questioned, leaving your hand in the form he put it in.

Seonghwa chuckled, shaking his head, “No, no. Look.”

He put down your index finger and thumb, only leaving your pinky.

“I.”

Then he put your pinky down, creating a fist momentarily before bringing up your index finger and thumb.

“L.”

Seonghwa paused to examine your focused expression. He smiled, leaving your thumb up but putting your index down and bringing your pinky back up.

“Y.”

Getting the meaning, you brought up every finger except your middle and ring fingers, keeping those pressed against your palm.

“Oh.” You felt that feeling again. The fluttering in your chest. The comforting warmth that came with the knowing that someone loved you.

“This is how we can remind each other freely. Just do this with your hand.” Seonghwa mimicked what you just called ‘devil horns’.

“Secret code?”

Seonghwa placed a hand against your face, running his thumb gently across your cheek, “yes. It’s innocent, discreet, friendly— You just referred to it as devil horns, so I doubt anyone else will catch on.”

You laughed, “not to mention that most of the angels already consider us demons for associating with death.”

“Please, it’s not like we kill people ourselves.” Seonghwa softly scoffed, watching you replicate the sign he put your hand in.

I.L.Y.

“I love you.” He whispered, gazing at you in complete and utter admiration.

And you stared at him in a stunned silence, raising your hand up a little higher.

I.L.Y.

▸

“Did you two hear about what Yeosang did?” Jongho asked, standing before you and Seonghwa. The angel had entered the realm to accept those recently deceased who were accepted into the angelic realm. Of course, he waited for the new angels to walk through the gate to the angelic realm before asking that.

“The guardian angel?” Seonghwa replied. Jongho nodded as if it were obvious.

“I don’t know the full story, but he’s been cast out to the demons.” Jongho looked back at the gate, seeing the angelic realm awaiting his return. “I’m sure he’ll visit… I gotta go before the gods and goddesses get suspicious. Everyone is on edge.”

You waited for the gates to close behind Jongho, waving at him as they did. Then you turned toward Seonghwa.

“The gods and goddesses are fucking confusing,” You mumbled, walking away with Seonghwa, yet catching him off-guard. “They love everyone— Or so they say, but can’t pardon their number one guardian angel for one goddamn sin? It’s a bunch of bullshit if you ask me.”

“You have a point, but maybe don’t say that near their gates…” Seonghwa let out a laugh. You made a motion of zipping your lips, followed by a wink.

“As I’ve said, they already think we’re demons that kill people and animals, so really, what’s the worst I can say?”

Seonghwa stopped walking, halting your movements as well by grabbing your arm and spinning you around to face him.

“Before we part ways for the day,” Seonghwa whispered. You had just enough time to process what he was doing just before feeling his lips pressed against yours.

There it was again, the warmth comfort of someone loving you. The type of feeling that can only be replicated by one person and no one else. You couldn’t help but dream of a day where you and Seonghwa could openly love each other the way demons, angels, and humans could as his lips were synced with yours for a prolonged amount of time.

“Am I interrupting?”

You and Seonghwa instantly pulled apart, mortified, having been caught. San raised his eyebrows slightly, a nonchalant expression adorned on his face.

“Before I ask what I intended, I will say now that I don’t give a shit about turning anyone in. The gods and goddesses can-”

“San,” You interrupted, shaking from the fear of losing everything in a single moment. “Please don’t say a word to anyone.”

San raised both hands, “as I said, I am not a snitch. An arsonist, yes. But never a snitch, Have more faith in me, will you?”

Seonghwa closed his eyes with a bowed head, deep in thought. San looked at you, a small smile forming on his face. You noticed it was a sincere smile rather than mischievous.

“For the record, giving the reapers a rule against dating is fucking stupid.” San dropped his arms to his side. “But what the hell do I know?”

You still couldn’t shake the feeling of being close to losing everything you’ve lived for— Despite not being alive. You could lose your title as a reaper, or you could lose your soul.

Or you could lose Seonghwa.

And he could lose you before he could really have you.

“I, San, will not say a word or even mention it,” San sighed, “Now, I need help finding a specific herb located in limbo… Please?”

Seonghwa accepted, motioning you to continue on with your daily obligations.

You began to walk away, your heart thumping in your chest. You turned to look at Seonghwa one last time, seeing he was speaking to San but being too far to hear their conversation.

You looked down at his side, seeing his hand and how his middle and ring fingers were pressed against his palm and his pinky, index finger, and thumb were the only visible fingers.

I.L.Y.

He wasn’t looking at you, but you did the same, mimicking the placement of his fingers.

▸

It quickly became a reflex of yours to hold up your hand in that formation when you would see Seonghwa looking your way.

And he would, on instinct, replicate your ‘devil horns’.

Other reapers noticed, but they too thought you were both in on some inside joke that made fun of demons. As time went by, they got used to it, ignoring you and Seonghwa when you’d hold up the sign that read, I.L.Y.

If anyone bothered to pay closer attention, they’d know.

But they didn’t.

Most of your time spent with Seonghwa was spent at the pond, where I love you wasn’t just an unspoken sign on your hands.

“Someday we will be free.” Seonghwa had a small smile across his lips, both gloomy and hopeful. “I bet your hands cramp up when you do your ‘devil horns’.”

You let out a laugh, gently shoving Seonghwa, “nope. It’s like a workout for my hands.”

Seonghwa chuckled, a look of adoration on his face as he looked at your smiling face, hoping this moment would never end and that you’d always be smiling like this.

The only person he dared to love in a title that forbade it.

Still, he wouldn’t turn back the clock to avoid you. He would turn back the time just to meet you again. And again. And once more.

“I love you.”

The three words, despite being just that, every syllable meant everything to you. It was rare, and not by choice. And it hurt almost as much as it filled you with euphoria.

You leaned forward, placing your lips against his, both of you cherishing every moment of the kiss you shared.

Unbeknownst to the two of you, someone had taken a picture of you two in the middle of the kiss, before the retreated, taking the evidence to the gods and goddesses.

▸

You ran as fast as you could to gate K-117, fear and adrenaline fueling you as you rang for Hongjoong, who appeared almost instantaneously at the gate. You ran through the gate and into his respective realm, pulling the gate closed.

“Hongjoong—!” You panted, tears brimming your eyes from the fear. Hongjoong already knew what happened before you could tell him the run-down of the situation.

“Where is Seonghwa?” Hongjoong asked, concern laced in his voice.

“He’s been detained. He willingly went with the angelic guards!” You panicked, unsure what they would do to him. Someone caught the two of you at the pond.

The only bright side was that Seonghwa still had a chance to be freed. The picture was obscured when being developed that his face or any distinguishing features weren’t visible.

You thanked the gods and goddesses for that.

But it was clear that you were the only other person in the picture.

“Why would he let them take him?! How the hell did they know it was him?”

Hongjoong knew you were upset, scared, and worried for Seonghwa. You knew you two broke the only rule a reaper had, but you couldn’t help but think about how innocent you both were.

“If he fought back, then he would really be suspicious… Y/N, what is your plan? You know what will happen…” Hongjoong frowned, a look of despair following.

“I… I don’t know.” You crossed your arms across your chest to calm yourself down. “Fuck! Why can’t they just ‘Yeosang’ me and send me to hell? Why do I have to fucking die?!”

You broke down into tears, knowing what they will do to you and probably Seonghwa if he confessed to being in a relationship with you. And everything inside of you hoped he wouldn’t.

“Did San—”

“No. He’s innocent. He wouldn’t do something like this to you or Seonghwa.” Hongjoong gently placed his hands on your shoulders to calm your shaking.

But nothing could calm you down after this.

“Hongjoong, you’re the only one that has archival proof of our memories. Please deny Seonghwa’s involvement with me. No one knows it was him in the picture, the gods and goddesses must’ve assumed— Please, this is the last thing I ask.” You pleaded, pressing your hands together as Hongjoong gave you an apprehensive look, deciding whether to accept or not.

“I can die, but please, not Seonghwa.” You added. Hongjoong tilted his head, a look of genuine remorse toward you as you begged.

“I can’t just lie… That’s a sin.”

“Is loving someone a sin too?” You remarked, your heart dropping to your stomach.

Before Hongjoong could respond, they found you, entering Hongjoong’s realm as the guards detained you, your hands chained behind your back as you were transported to the angelic realm beside Seonghwa, who was physically fine, but the second he saw you, you could see the glint of fear in his eyes knowing they caught you.

Hongjoong soon joined, his presence mandatory in finding out who the obscured figure was in the picture.

The God of Judgment stood before the two of you, examining your frightened expression.

“What is your relationship to each other? Bear in mind lying is a sin.”

You and Seonghwa glanced at each other briefly, afraid if you turned your head any further, they would see right through you.

“Friends.” Seonghwa spoke. “We are just friends to each other.”

In a different situation, those words would’ve hurt you.

But now? In the face of death? You were comforted, knowing Seonghwa wasn’t going to confess to the entire relationship that easily. Especially knowing he still had a chance at going free.

You nodded in agreement, “Yes. Only friends!”

There was a screen in the angelic courtroom that had the picture of you kissing someone— Seonghwa. Everyone knew it was you.

No one knew it was Seonghwa except Hongjoong and San, if he were allowed into the angelic realm to corroborate.

You looked at him with pleading eyes, then you noticed Jongho and Wooyoung, who you had only seen a few times before when escorting newly deceased.

They both seemed shocked by the whole thing.

“Is the other person beside you?” The God of Judgment’s voice boomed through the room. You quickly shook your head, hoping Seonghwa wouldn’t try to interfere or confess.

“No! Why does it matter? Falling in love with someone isn’t the end of the world!” You yelled, figuring if you were going to attempt to change anyone’s mind, it would be now and in the face of death.

“Love and death can never mix. Death can’t love anything without destroying itself.”

You struggled at the chains binding your hands behind your back, shaking your head.

“You’re wrong.” You cried, “You’re fucking wrong!”

“Bring them forward.”

Two guards pulled you before the God of Judgment, his intimidating demeanor making your skin crawl.

“Hongjoong, was the other person Seonghwa or not?”

And your mind raced, looking at him in an attempt to telepathically beg him to lie for you. Selfish, yes. But for Seonghwa, you would gladly be selfish if it meant he got to keep his soul.

“No.” Hongjoong spoke. For a moment, your ears rang. The deafening silence in the courtroom as you felt the time freeze.

“It was not Seonghwa… I don’t have access to who the other person was.” Hongjoong looked at you, trying so hard not to break down.

You were considered to be one of his friends. And his next words would tear him up more than you could ever know.

“Y/N destroyed that information… When they came into my realm.”

Seonghwa widened his eyes, the bottom of his eyelids brimming with tears. But he couldn’t say anything. Not without foiling everything and the three of you go down for breaking the one rule, but Hongjoong would be punished for lying.

It was ironic, how afraid of death you were in that moment. You dealt with death every day. Hell, you were death.

Every reaper was.

You didn’t kill anyone, but it was just the nature of your title.

It scared you.

“He’s telling the truth.” You spoke. Hongjoong forced himself to look away, afraid he would break down in despair and give everything away.

You felt the chains being detached, freeing your hands. You didn’t fight back, there was no use against the gods or goddesses.

“I will never tell you who it was.” You forced a smile directed at the God of Judgment. He shook his head, silently ordering two of his followers, who stood at both sides of you.

“That doesn’t matter anymore.”

It happened way less painfully than you expected. It was like you were floating, with tears streaming down your face. Everyone unsaid word, action that will never be done, and the life you’ll never see with Seonghwa.

You weren’t living, but with Seonghwa, you felt very much alive. His face was the first one you saw upon death, and it was the last you saw as memories of him flashed through your mind.

Seonghwa stared, helpless and in shock, watching as you fell limp as the God of Judgment encased your soul into a jar to be sent away where it would forever become inaccessible.

Seonghwa couldn’t breathe, forcing himself to contain his grief. And he looked at your hand.

Your middle and ring fingers pressed against your palm while your pinky, index finger, and thumb remained straightened out.

I.L.Y.

Seonghwa held it together until he was alone, the pain of losing you tore him up, an immense pain he couldn’t even begin to describe.

When he was alone, he ran to the pond where he shared your last kiss, gasping sobs as he collapsed to his knees in front of the pond.

Seonghwa gripped the grey grass as he shoved his face underwater, muffling the scream that came out next.

Seonghwa remerged, allowing himself to break down.

You were everything to him.

Somehow, that wasn’t enough.

Death can’t love anything without destroying itself.

You were right, he was wrong.

It felt like an injustice to you that Seonghwa began to agree with what he said.

Seonghwa was basically death, just as you were.

And he loved you.

And that destroyed him.

▸

San hesitated, a long expression as he waited at gate P-043. He held a canteen of a special tea he concocted, for the sole purpose of giving to Seonghwa as a form of consolation.

Seonghwa was there to greet him, a friendly smile adorned on his face when he saw San.

San felt waves of guilt, despite doing anything wrong. He held out the canteen, his arms shaking, thinking Seonghwa blamed him for your death.

“I’m sorry.” San watched Seonghwa smile drop, a look of sorrow taking over. Seonghwa accepted the canteen, the warm exterior being the only warmth he’s felt since before losing you.

“I know,” Seonghwa’s voice was quiet, the lump in his throat preventing him from speaking up. “You don’t need to be.”

San was torn between offering him a hug or just leaving him be. Guilt still clouded his mind.

“Hongjoong… He found the person who caused this.”

San didn’t feel any better. You were still gone and despite San’s loyalty, he regretted not being able to somehow prevent what happened to you.

▸

Seonghwa watched over your side of the realm for any newly deceased, even five centuries later, he never forgot about you. How could he?

He never got used to you being gone either. He still presses his middle and ring fingers to his palm, recreating what you once mistook for ‘devil horns’, but was actually a sign for I.L.Y., every time he enters your area of the realm.

‘I love you’.

The three words that never left his lips again.

Seonghwa entered your space, seeing something moving in the fog.

Then Seonghwa noticed the small dog, no older than one year old, trotting towards him. It’s tail wagged happily, tongue sticking out.

“Oh! Hey cutie! Are you lost?” Seonghwa kneeled, checking the name on the collar with one hand and feeding the dog a treat with the other. “Lucky?” Seonghwa felt a strange wave mixed with relief and despair when he read the tag.

“Nice to meet you, Lucky.” Seonghwa fondly smiled at the small dog, scratching it behind its ears as he fought back the lingering and unresolved pain he held in his chest.

The dog barked happily, circling Seonghwa. Seonghwa stood up, patting his leg for the dog to follow him in the distance to the rainbow bridge that opened up, sensing Lucky’s arrival.

The mist parted ways for him and the dog, as excited as it was.

“You’re a good dog.” Seonghwa grinned, petting Lucky one last time and offering another treat.

“Go. Hongjoong will take good care of you.” Seonghwa watched the dog happily bound across the bridge towards Hongjoong, who was kneeling and ready for Lucky to pounce into the Souls Keeper’s arms.

With a smile, Seonghwa stepped back, seeing Lucky run off to play with the other animals across the rainbow bridge.

Hongjoong and Seonghwa exchanged a wave towards each other before the bridge faded away and waited for another animal to enter Seonghwa’s realm.

In a moment of panic, Seonghwa rang the bell and summoned Hongjoong back. This time, the bridge didn’t appear and instead it was just Hongjoong.

“Why did you ring?”

“Let me keep Lucky.”

Hongjoong was taken aback but hesitantly shook his head, “what about—”

“Let me keep Lucky, please. It’s… All I ask.” Seonghwa repeated. Hongjoong pinched the bridge of his nose, a deep sigh as he gave in.

“Alright. You know it’s unethical for a reaper to stop a reincarnation, and I know it is.” Hongjoong looked off into the purgatory realm, seeing nothing but mist and fog for miles. “If we both agree that we recognize how unethical it is, then, fine. I will bring Lucky back.”

Seonghwa felt a sense of relief, watching Hongjoong open the gate to his realm.

“Wait!”

Hongjoong stopped and faced Seonghwa with his hand still on the gate.

“Luke?”

Hongjoong shook his head, “He’s been reincarnated.”

Seonghwa tried not to let his disappointment show, still grateful that Hongjoong agreed to let the other Lucky come back. But Hongjoong still saw right through his expression.

“Don’t worry. He lives with an elderly couple on a farm… He grew up with them.”

Seonghwa teared up, a smile formed on his lips, knowing Luke— Original ‘Lucky’, was living a good life.

And he heard your voice, having held onto that sound for centuries.

‘For a scary reaper, you sure are sentimental.’

[originalfireemblemscenarios]

Valentine's day 3x event time!

You heard me, this year for valentine's we have 3 events... But well one inbox for all of them.

1: Kiss prompts!

It's basically just me writing a scenario about the kiss so here is the list. You can also add/make up something if you'd like. It just needs to be about a kiss.

Morning kiss

First kiss

Tired kiss

Confession kiss

Meaningless kiss (angst)

Prize kiss

Pocky game kiss

Apology kiss

Desire kiss (will have suggestive ending)

Goodbye kiss (specify angst or fluff)

2: Love letters!

Rules are the same as last time and they areee

ONLY 1 character per request.

Both reader inserts and ships are fine

You need to tell me what kind of relationship I’m writing for (even though the name is “love letters” I’m fine with writing platonic and familial relationships. For romantic I’d still need info like are you in early stages? or are you longer together? perhaps married?)

I will also need context of a letter (it can be a confession letter, affirmation, plans for future, heartbreaking goodbye, travel log… whatever you can come up with!)

You can also ask for an unsent letter! In that case the formatting will be different and I will include a scenario of person it was meant to be sent to finding the letter (since the unsent letters will be something I’ll try to make shorter on purpose)! Go wild with angst potential~~ but it doesn’t need to be sad.

If it’s a reader insert, I’ll need some info about the reader aswell. Just so I can spice it up a little and not make it generic.

Also if you have a specific nicknames you’d like me to use PLEASE say so!

3: Matchups!

I know these are the most popular so that's probably what I'll get the most. So here are the rules of what information I want you to give me

Your sexuality and preferences

What are you looking for in a relationship and what can you provide

Some description of yourself (I mean your personality, I don't need any information on your appearance. I won't do anything with it)

What group you'd like to be matched with (Three Houses, Fates, Awakening, and of course for fates and Awakening lmk if you'd like first or second gen match)

The valentine's inbox has 12 slots! I don't have any specific spaces saved for this or that (but I'd honestly like to do love letters the most ngl)

Deadline for requesting is until 14th of February!

[wafflesims]

Zodiac  Challenge

I’ve seen multiple people do this before, so I thought I might try it out! I’m not all into zodiacs or anything, so if you have any suggestions about how I may improve this challenge, lmk!! Also, this isn’t to hurt anyone’s feelings.

Gen 1: Aries 

You are an ambitious detective, who loves to work out and hang out with their buddies. Although you do have many friends, you also have a few enemies, due to your “extra” personality.

Aspiration: Body builder

Traits: Outgoing, Ambitious, Self-Assured 

Career: Detective

Skills: Fitness, Charisma

Challenge:

Have 5 enemies and 5 friends

Max out all skills listed

Finish Body Builder aspiration and Detective career

Adopt your only child

Gen 2: Leo

You grew up in a very adventurous family, and enjoyed exploring with your parent. One day, you were gifted a camera, and once you learned how to use it, you became obsessed. You are very loyal, but have grown to learn that not everyone is.

Aspiration: Soulmate

Traits: Creative, Loyal, Self-assured

Career: Unemployed 

Skills: Photography, Cooking, Gourmet Cooking 

Challenge:

Do photography for a living

Max out all skills listed

Finish Soulmate aspiration

Get cheated on once, but first have a baby with that sim

Gen 3: Sagittarius

Your family was kind of interesting, having a step sibling and all. You learned to be honest, but was a bit too honest with everyone. Not many sims liked you because of that. But you remembered to always stay cheerful. 

Aspiration: Nerd Brain

Traits: Cheerful, Mean, Genius

Career: Scientist

Skills: Logic, Charisma

Challenge:

Partner must be one of your rivals

Have 4 kids

Finish the Scientist career and Academic aspiration

Max out all skills listed

Gen 4: Taurus

Growing up in a big household, you eventually had to learn how to be kind and take care of everyone. Although you spent most of your time watching over your siblings, you had your own dreams, too. To be a politician. What a dream. 

Aspiration: Neighbourhood Confidante

Traits: Materialistic, Good, Ambitious 

Career: Politician

Skills: Charisma, Cooking

Challenge:

Have one child

Finish Neighbourhood Confidante aspiration and the Politician career

Don’t get married

Complete all skills listed

Gen 5: Virgo 

Your parent was single and had to work a lot, so you had to help around in the house. You are a genius and family oriented, but also a neat freak. You can’t help it! 

Aspiration: Successful Family League

Traits: Neat, Genius, Family Oriented

Career: Critic

Skills: Logic, Cooking

Challenge:

Adopt one child

Complete Successful Family League aspiration and Critic career

Have a high relationship with all your family members 

Max out all skills listed

Gen 6: Capricorn

You didn’t really live up to your parent’s expectations, and looked up at to grandparent. Being the best of the best. Reaching for the stars. You decide that’s your main goal in life.

Aspiration: Fabulously Wealthy

Traits: Ambitious, Perfectionist, Self-Assured

Career: Astronaut 

Skills: Rocket science, Fitness 

Challenge:

Get married to someone who has a lot of money

Have maximum 3 kids

Complete Fabulously wealthy aspiration and Astronaut career

Max out fitness skill, and get to level 5 of rocket science 

Gen 7: Libra

You had always loved to write, specifically romance novels, and always wished that your fantasy love stories would happen to you. You are very charming, and it’s easy for you to pull sims, but you have trouble committing to relationships.

Aspiration: Serial Romantic

Traits: Romantic, Creative, Noncommittal

Career: Writer

Skills: Writing, Charisma

Challenge: 

Only get married when you finish your aspiration 

Max out all skills listed

Complete Serial Romantic aspiration and finish Writer career

Every child you have must each be with a different sim 

Have the Great Kisser extra trait

Gen 8: Aquarius

Having such a lovey-dovey background, you eventually got sick of it. Like why would you waste your life on love, and not on playing pranks? You are a humorous criminal, who really doesn’t mean any harm.  Behind the genius criminal mastermind in you, you’re actually very friendly.

Aspiration: Joke Star

Traits: Goofball, Unflirty, Genius

Career: Criminal

Skills: Comedy, Mischief

Challenge: 

Marry the complete opposite of your sim

Have twins

Have the Joke Star aspiration and complete the Criminal career

Max out all skills listed

Gen 9: Gemini 

As a child, you always had to cover for your parent when they did something wrong. Eventually, you got really good at it, and were able to cover up almost anything. You were quite the popular kid in high school, too.

Aspiration: Master Actor

Traits: Self-Absorbed, Outgoing, Snob

Career: Actor

Skills: Acting, Singing, Charisma

Challenge:

Must marry twice

Have two children 

Finish Master Actor aspiration and Actor career

Max out all skills listed

Gen 10: Pisces

Relaxing is fun. Being a master actor and dramatic is too much. You like to live on the easy side. You are very spiritual, making it easy to communicate with the dead. And you like fishing.

Aspiration: Angling Ace

Traits: Lazy, Erratic, Loner

Career: Unemployed

Skills:  Medium, Fishing

Challenge:

Like fishing and dislike everything else that is useful (for example, cooking)

Take your time in relationships 

Have 1 child, because two or more is too much 

Complete Angling Ace aspiration

Max out all skills listed

Gen 11: Scorpio

Your parent neglected you basically your whole life, but you didn’t really put much thought into it. You were more interested in going to the gym and maintaining a fit body. You are very hot-headed, yet you care a lot about others. Your grades aren’t the best, either.

Aspiration: Bodybuilder 

Traits: Athletic, Loyal, Hot-Headed

Career: Athlete

Skills: Fitness, Parenting, Rockclimbing 

Challenge: 

Adopt at least one of your children

Maintain healthy relationship with all partners you have

If you want to end a relationship, you cannot Break-up, you can only “Ask to be friends”

Cannot have above a B grade

Complete Bodybuilder aspiration and Athlete career

Max out all skills listed

Gen 12: Cancer

You grew up in a loving household, where you learned to be a good sim. As a child, you became fascinated by fashion designing, and instantly fell in love. For many of your young adult years, you worked in the fashion designing career, hoping that you would scavenge enough money to open your own clothing store.

Aspiration: Big Happy Family

Traits: Creative, Good, Family Oriented

Career: Fashion Designer, Retail Store

Skills: Charisma, Entrepenuer

Challenge:

Live with your parents until you have enough money to open your retail store

Get married to one of your customers 

Complete Big Happy Family aspiration 

Max out all skills listed

[mscaptainwinchester]

2022 Fic Round-Up

Fic Round-Up is shockingly (to me, sort of) short this year, for very good reason. While I got very little writing done until the last two months of this year, I did somehow manage to complete my goal of reaching 1,000,000 words on AO3 this year!! This one has been on the goal list for several of the last years, so reaching it feels amazing! 

I would have liked more actual writing to happen, but a lot of other things happened instead: 

1. I got officially diagnosed with ADHD and have been working with my psychiatrist on figuring out possible meds (so far unsuccessfully. The usual meds work on me as well as coffee, Dramamine, Nyquil, and marijuana does, which is to say there was zero effect. Not shocking considering I have to have double doses of pain meds to get a normal effect. My body’s weird.). Most of my year involved figuring out brain hacks to make my life better. If you want any suggestions that have worked for me or have any of your own you think I should try, lmk.

2. Finally started addressing that I’m pretty sure I’m autistic. It’s been in the back of my brain for a couple of years now, but I didn’t start really looking into it until I started deep-diving on my reactions in regards to ADHD and other things started making a lot more sense. I won’t be pursuing formal diagnosis for a lot of reasons, nor am I likely to talk about it much.  

3. The thing about going to therapy and starting to figure out how your brain works when it works differently than what’s ‘typical’ is a lot of the things that you’ve been covering up with the mask you’ve been wearing your whole life to appear ‘normal’ start poking at you. For me, one of those things was my less than heterosexual interest in women. I’m still fairly certain I’m somewhere on the ace spectrum, but I’m also definitely a lesbian. 

4. I started volunteering at a wildlife rescue clinic. If you’re part of Isn’t It Bromantic, you’ve been privy to weekly photos of the animals I take care of. 

In summary, it’s been an interesting year full of introspection. As a result, I only wrote 32,556 words this year. I’ve read 100 books, and since I finished my feminist committee reading in January, I’m finally back to reading mostly the kinds of books that I’d like to write, which means my creativity is starting to wake back up!

My goals for this year are to finish a draft of the original novel I’ve been plotting since August and average at least 10k month writing. We’ll see how things go.

Now that all that’s out of the way, onto my itty bitty 2022 Fic Round-up:

Came Back Wrong | Wade Wilson | T | 1949

Shard one of his broken heart brings Wade to Wilson Fisk and a fight he never expected to have.

This Is Not a Dinner Party: Chapter 4 | Lucius Malfoy/Ron Weasley | E | 4581

“If” can be a rather powerful word when the circumstances are right. So many things in life might have gone differently, if only there had been an “if.” This fact has never been more evident than in the case of one Sybill Trelawney. Most people believe that if they had not lived, the world would not be significantly altered, and in most cases they would be correct. Sybill Trelawney would have given a similar answer, had anyone bothered to ask—but of course they didn’t. No one would have ever guessed that the fate of the Wizarding World lay in the hands of little, frizzy-haired, dizzy Sybill Trelawney going on a walk.

Total Fics: 2

Total Words: 6530

[rosicheeks]

Hi I want to send you money and get you drunk. What do you like to drink?

🫣

[folkloreguk]

French Class [6]

A/N: You guys might want to whack out your love song playlist for this one…I cried writing this BYE I'm posting this from my grave!!

genre: optional bias (m) x reader (f), fwb, f2l?, college!au, fuckboy!bias, nerd!reader, ANGST, smut

words: ~ 3.8 k

✽series masterlist✽

taglist (lmk if u wanna be added!): @lovely-ateez, @runaway-fics, @mainexiii, @awfullytiredbuthealing, @erikyoong, @etherealuv, @staysuki, @justcuz-ican, @yeostars, @hyuckthangs, @teenloves, @mexious18-blog, @sunghoonied, @mailobjaeyoon

couldn’t tag: @chorizoek

You: can I come over? I kind of need u

H/N: you need me huh…you’re lucky I’m home alone

It always starts differently. Some other question, or a subtle message of telling him you’re bored, or a flat-out confession of being horny. The ending is always the same. You, naked in his bed. You just had to get there, and things were easy when you were already on his dorm’s doorstep.

The moment he had opened the door, you had fistfuls of his hair between your fingers and attacked his mouth in a feverish kiss. He made a noise between a laugh and surprise but reacted quickly. His lips parted right away, letting you in, and you tasted mint from the chewing gum he liked so much.

“Let me- at least- close the door,” he mumbled. “Jeez, what’s gotten into you today?”

You stepped aside and mirrored his grin. He was acting surprised, but the way he instantly locked your lips after he had shut the door told you he was enjoying this as much as you were. You ran your hands down his torso and along the side of his thighs. His happy hum only poured oil into the fire, and you saw no reason as to why you should have kept your clothes on any longer. In minutes, in the middle of heated kisses and clumsy chuckles, your clothes were discarded, and you were left in your underwear. You stumbled into his bedroom in a tangle of arms and legs and heads barely pulling apart.

“Will you tell me about the date you had today or are we skipping over that part?” he asked, as he pushed you down by the shoulders onto his bed. You groaned a little, not even knowing where to start.

“Didn’t go well, huh?” he asked. Only a few nights ago you had consoled him after his failed date, now the roles were reversed.

“That’s one way to put it,” you said. He was climbing on top of you now, and the weight of him between your thighs still did the same things to you it had done the first time. There was one of his random playlists playing quietly from the speakers, but you were both too occupied to even consider switching the music off. You weren’t in the mood for a chat, not when he was biting and sucking bruises into your chest, pushing aside your bra just enough. But you knew he wasn’t going to let it go this easily.

“Tell me about it or I won’t take one more piece of clothing off your body,” he threatened. You shot him an are-you-serious-look while he only blinked at you innocently, like he was awaiting your response.

“Fine,” you groaned. “But hurry, now.”

“That’s my girl,” he said, before unclasping your bra and throwing it to the other side of the room. “Go ahead, I expect a story.”

You had rolled your eyes at him, but when he sucked on your nipple all of a sudden, and his tongue flicked over the sensitive bud ever so perfectly, your eyes moved to the back of your head involuntarily. And, before he could complain, you started to retell today’s events.

“Alright. First of all, he acted all gentleman-y. Pulling back my chair at the restaurant, letting me have a look at the menu first, letting me order first, asking me if I was okay with our seats because they were in the sunshine, or whether he should have requested we get a different in the shade table, blah, blah, blah.”

With the lewd noises he was making, kissing your chest and fumbling with your breasts, you almost wondered whether he was paying attention to you at all.

“I’m waiting for the plot twist,” he chuckled. “If he had been this great, you wouldn’t be in my bed right now, would you?” He was now on his way to your lower regions. Your breaths came out shaky when he gripped your hips with familiar fingertips and placed a few kisses there, right above the material of your underwear. Nonetheless, you had to continue your story.

“Oh, it’s coming,” you said. “Because I suspect, the only reason he was acting that way was to compensate. For the fact that he was an hour late.”

He stifled a laugh, and you slapped his head playfully. “It’s not funny! I stood outside that restaurant on a busy street like an idiot for an hour. During exam season!”

“I wonder, if studying is so special to you- ,” he said. He tugged on your underwear, and you barely cared about his words when you were already imagining his mouth on your pussy. “Why aren’t you at home right now, doing just that?”

“Too frustrated,” you groaned, spreading your legs, practically inviting him in. “You don’t get it. That was only the beginning of the date. It gets worse.”

“Oh, damn,” he laughed, and you were going to slap him again. Harder, this time. But his tongue kitten-licked over your clit and you didn’t dare interrupt him further.

“First of all, he turned out to be boring. An economics major. And look, I’m not generalizing, I’ve met some cool economics majors. But when I said I never really understood the whole thing with inflation and deflation, I wasn’t asking for him to explain it to me. I know what it means, I just meant to say money is the root of all evil,” you said, little moans slipping inbetween your sentences. He laughed whilst sipping on your clit. You couldn’t be mad at his laughing anymore. In fact, at the sound of his chuckles, your own lips curled into a smile, too. God, he was so good with his tongue.

“But turns out he loved money. Like it was the sole reason he was doing anything. When he showed me his gold watch I almost yawned,” you continued.

“Dating a rich guy can have its upsides too, though,” he said, but you knew he was joking. He was running the tips of his fingers over your core, and you whimpered at how badly you wanted him to put them inside of you. You loved watching him, loved feeling his hair tickle the side of your thighs and having his free hand laying on top of your hipbone. The familiarity of it all, his little habits, made your heart heavy, so full of emotion, all of a sudden. But you had to snap out of it.

“Not this guy. He kept saying these lowkey sexist things I won’t repeat now. It’ll only make me mad again. He was one of those who thought money would buy him a girlfriend. And I was really trying to see the good in him…only there was none,” you said.

“Alright, I’m starting to understand why you needed some cheering up,” he said. “Good thing you’re at the right place. I know just the thing.”

At this, he slid his digits into you. You hummed and dropped your head into the plush pillow. Slowly, you exhaled, happy you finally got to relax after being so upset. But of course, he had to interrupt. Again.

“Did I say you could stop? Was that the end of the story?” he said. How did he expect you to form a coherent sentence? He fingered you gently, but the slowness of it all only drove you crazier. You felt every tiny sensation, every new bit of you he touched.

“No,” you sulked. “Fuck, it feels so good.”

“Go on, then,” he encouraged you, grinning because he was proud of your reaction he had caused.

“Fuck- okay. He was super shitty to the waiter. I’m talking about criticizing everything. This man had the audacity to complain about the food. I’m not a food critic, but I swear the food was amazing, there was nothing to fault at all,” you said, and then whined when he switched from licking your clit to sucking it between his teeth. You knew he was doing this on purpose. To make speaking harder for you.

“Oh my god, H/N. Wait, let me finish this. Not only was he horrible to the waiter in person, but he also made fun of the waiter’s appearance behind his back. And all along he expected me to find him funny. I used to think he had a sense of humor but not after today. Blech.”

“At least you got a free dinner?” he said, and without awaiting your answer, went back to work. Your head was spinning in pleasure, and you could only laugh sarcastically at his suggestion.

“Yeah. And after that train wreck of a date, he really thought he’d get to stick his tongue down my throat,” you said.

“Did he at least ask permission?” asked the boy between your legs.

“Mhm…but I told him I don’t do that on the first date,” you said. “Safe to say there won’t be another date, though.”

He looked up now, laughing more than before. You grinned, mainly because the sight of him was so cute. He folded his hands on your belly and put his face down onto your skin to giggle. In no way could you be upset or urge him to keep giving you head. In fact, you had forgotten about all of that for a while, as he seemed to enjoy your misfortune a little too wildly. You should have been hungry, eager to have the half-naked boy inside of you. Yet, you laughed at the way his breaths tickled your stomach and when he finally made eye contact, it was a wholly different sort of hunger which overcame you. Instead of the heat he usually made you feel, it was a comfortable warmth that was in your chest. It reminded you of a bonfire or of drinking your favorite hot drink on a cool autumn day.

“I want to watch you come,” he said, casually. “Were you close?”

You were so lost in his trustworthy, dreamy eyes, you almost forgot to reply. Quickly, you nodded and hummed.

“I would have already come, had you not pestered me to tell you all the details of my date,” you said. The way his cheeks beamed when he smiled made you feel as if your insides were turning into mush.

“I’m sorry. I’m your friend, aren’t I allowed to ask how your day went?” he asked.

“Of course you are,” you said. The word ‘friend’ echoed off every wall in your head until you wished you could have deleted it from the dictionary.

“I’ll make sure it feels extra good now,” he said, kissing your stomach. You shivered as you watched his gentle lips move lower, to your hips and the insides of your thighs. The touch felt like butterfly wings on your skin, and the tardiness of it made you impatient. When his tongue came in contact with your clit again, you sucked in a breath of surprise.

He tried to start slowly, but then you gripped his hair tightly, and carefully pushed him further. It was something you did often, a way to tell him you wanted more without having to use words. After all this time, he understood perfectly. Your clit was between his lips and his tongue flicked over the sensitive bundle of nerves with just the right amount of pleasure. It felt incredible, creating a funny sensation in the pit of your stomach. His fingers grazed over your slit until you were whimpering and shifting your hips, trying to make him hurry.

One of his digits slid into you easily, curling against your sweet spot, and it hit you only now how much you had missed him between your legs since he had stopped a few minutes ago. It made you feel as though you were suddenly overwhelmed with all of him, but you were willing to let the heat crash over you if it meant you could be close to him.

“Am I making it up to you now?” he asked as he pulled away merely for a breath. “I’ll turn your day into a good one after all.”

In a different tone his words would have sounded like the exact thing one would have expected to hear from a fuckboy in the bedroom. He could have boasted and bragged endlessly about how great he was with his tongue and fingers – he would have been right – but he didn’t mean it like that. You could tell from the uprightness and the authenticity in his voice that he really was doing his best because he wanted to make you feel better and turn your day around. Because you were special to him. Or so you desperately hoped.

Your legs wrapped around his shoulders as if you were trapping him between your thighs. But he was right there, and he would gladly stay for so much longer, and to say it puzzled you was an understatement. The boy who belonged to everybody, who was known by all of the campus, was treating you like you were royalty, and not the other way around. You moaned, his name inevitably falling from your lips. He added another finger and the slightest stretch made you lose your mind for a split second.

“That guy could have never made you feel this good, could he?” he suddenly asked. Your initial response was a helpless whine. You had been so close, and his talking had interrupted the otherworldly bliss for a moment.

“No, never,” you then whimpered shortly. ‘No’ was such a tiny word. It could barely encapsule what you truly meant to say. Which was that it would have never even gotten that far. That other guys couldn’t even have you at all. They didn’t get their turn to try and beat him. Not as of lately, at least. That you didn’t so much as dare to think about sleeping with other guys. That even before you had gone on the date, you had known it wouldn’t lead to anything. No guy could let you develop an interest on him in the same way the boy between your legs had done it. No other would be able to kidnap your brain like that. H/N was always there. Even when it was only you and your sex toys, you would automatically pretend it was him getting you off. You were so far gone that it was embarrassing how long it had taken you to admit it to yourself. But it was a colossal thing to confess to him, and you would never do that. Rejection would hurt a billion times more than whatever it was you two had now.

Your heart was racing as you closed your eyes. You had been so lost in thought, it was wondrous you hadn’t fallen yet. But you were right on the edge, making your breaths come out like puffs and a string of moans and swears sound from your lips. He too had stopped talking, concentrating on the task at hand, and judging by the way your back arched he was doing one hell of a good job.

“Oh my god- “ you whimpered. “I’m so close, H/N.”

This time he didn’t reply, which was for the best. Only a few seconds passed until you started to quiver and whine beneath him. You were going to outer space behind your eyelids as your high rushed through you. Your fingers curled and tightened in his locks while your legs clenched around his head. He was quick to pull your thighs apart again, still not being finished. For long seconds you swam in pleasure, with nothing on your mind but bursting stars. He was heaven, knowing precisely how far he could take it until you were too sensitive to take any more.

When you were at that point, he finally pulled away and looked up at your crumpled form. There was a lazy smile playing in the corner of your lips and your vision was hazy after having had your eyes closed for a while. He climbed up your body until his chest was against yours so he could really look at you.

“I get all of this without ever having been on a single date with you? I’m so lucky,” he said. You only smiled at him, at a loss for words. What were you to say? The two of you were clearly past the awkward dating stage already.

“I’m lucky you let me come over all the time,” you said. “I would have expected the campus fuckboy to be busier. To not have an empty spot in his bed every night.”

“Ah, shut up,” he said. “I’d rather have you here than a girl I don’t know at all. Look, I’m really tired so I don’t know how this will go…but can I?” He was on his knees, a tent visible in his boxers. With a questioning look, he was tugging them down his legs now.

“Of course,” you said. As you watched him roll on a condom, your ears perked up. Did that song have to come on shuffle just now? The coziest, most romantic love song you adored so much? You knew if you looked him in the eyes you’d be done for. But there wasn’t anywhere else to look when he settled between your legs and held up his weight with his forearms. His eyes were deep enough for you to get lost within a second. Distracting yourself was impossible. The one last thing you could do was to reach between the two of you and guide his length into you.

The song’s chorus came on, you looked at him once again, and suddenly you were all his. You didn’t need to tell him so. He thrust gently, almost carefully, like he had never done it with you. Your heart hammered against your ribcage so vivaciously, you wondered whether it had turned autonomous and was now trying to jump out of your body, onto his skin and through it, so it could nestle next to his own heart.

Neither of you spoke. Yet, there had never been so much chemistry, such a heavy amount of uncommunicated emotions between the two of you. You were ready to hang on his every word, should he decide to speak up. In your head rampaged a billion sentiments you needed him to know, but there was no option to express them adequately. Perhaps there were simply no words in the English language to declare your feelings for him.

Small whimpers and moans left your lips only for him to hear. Sometimes he moved a little quicker, gifting you with the most perfect sounds he could make. And to know you were the cause for it sent you into overdrive. His mouth was right above yours. If you lifted your head slightly, you could have kissed his sweet, sweet lips. But you were so afraid. What would he think? You had never kissed him during sex. Not softly, like you wanted it so terribly.

Even worse, you craved so much more than that. You wanted to pull him in, envelope his mouth in your own, crawl over the edge of his lips and reside in his chest for safety. Because that’s what he was. Comfort. Reassurance. Home. How foolish you had been, pretending this little fling would lead to nothing more. You really had told yourself this would work. No feelings. Just fun. You couldn’t deny having fun with him. He was the best company you had ever known, and he had become your most precious friend quickly. It was as if you had only been waiting for the silly, flirty boy to sit across from you in the library and make weak advances towards you.

The love song tuned out slowly, replaced by something more sensual and sinful. In accordance with the new background noise, he gripped your hips a little meaner and went faster. You barely noticed how his breathing had sped up as he was getting closer to his orgasm. A trance had overcome you, transfixing you on his godlike features and how much it hurt to know you couldn’t call him yours. In your head you were made for each other. They always said to date your best friend, didn’t they? You could try to turn back time, go back to your first meeting place, at the party. See if things would turn out different. But you knew they wouldn’t. As much as your fear tried to suppress it – you would take the same path again, stumbling head-first into his arms and letting him into your life like a crashing wave of laughter and heart-crushing conversations.

Now you reflected in despair, how he had taken your heart in a storm, without having to try too hard. And worst of all, you were okay with it. Your heart was secure with him, you thought. The feelings yearned to be spoken out loud, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

“You feel so good,” he said. “Always, so fucking good.”

He snapped his hips against yours, burying his cock deep inside of you and all you could muster was a hum of agreement. This is what you got for keeping him at arms-length from the beginning. Wasn’t it you who had challenged him to be friends and only that? Perhaps you would be okay, so long as no one else called him theirs either. You could go on like this, letting him use you for sexual relief and making him laugh when he needed it. Gladly, you would take the pain of not being allowed to love him with your whole being if it meant you could see him whenever you wanted. Exposing those silly emotions would wreck your friendship and you wouldn’t let it happen.

He grunted and only then, when he lowered his head into the crook of your neck and moaned your name, you realized he was reaching his high. Softly, you cradled his head in your hands, as if it was the last time you could hold him like this. When he put his forehead against yours, he had his eyes closed and his chest was moving steadier than before.

“You’re the best,” he whispered. “Stay the night?”

Should you have gone home, and missed him all night? Would you have regretted saying no while you curled up in bed with no Cheshire-cat-grin-boy to hold? Or were you to remain in his bed, and pray you would survive the torture of not speaking your mind? His skin radiated the most wonderful warmth and you wanted to trace his lips with your eyes until you fell asleep. That’s how quickly it was decided.

“Okay,” you answered.

[natsarrownecklacx]

Lifeline In The Darkness

Wanda maximoff x reader (romantically)

Natasha romanoff x read (platonically) & Tony Stark x reader (platonically) towards the end.

Hurt / comfort / some fluff toward the end.

Word count: 4,781

Summary: Wanda was worried about you. When her worry outweighs her word she’s forced to do something she promised you she wouldn’t.

Warning: Talks of depression, Struggling, faking Happiness. Lmk if I missed any.

A/N: This is a pretty heave fic. Please read the warnings before continuing.

ⴵ <3 ⴵ <3 ⴵ <3 ⴵ <3 ⴵ <3 ⴵ <3 ⴵ <3 ⴵ <3 ⴵ <3 ⴵ

You weren’t yourself. Sitting there with one hundred and one things to do today and that’s all Wanda could think about. You weren’t yourself.

Looking up from the paperwork on the table beneath her she caught sight of you talking and laughing with Sam and Bucky. You had a big smile plastered across your face as you joked with the two.

Your body language suggested that you were happy, comfortable, content in that moment, but your eyes said differently. The light in your eyes. It wasn’t there anymore.

Looking back down at the file on the table she shook her head. Y/n is fine, she’s just fine, she told herself. Lately it seemed like she had to reassure herself of that more and more throughout the day.

You were fine, she told herself again. Trying to focus on her work. But how could she when all she could think about was you.

You hadn’t done anything in particular to cause her worry. You were still eating with the team, still spent time with everyone, carried on with your days as normal.

But you were getting tired quicker, excusing yourself from the dinner table or the common room with a smile and a reassurance that you were okay.

Shaking her head again she tried to rid herself of the thoughts. She’s probably just a little more tired from all the socializing, we do have some pretty big personality’s here.

But you loved everyone, were always so kind, so open with the way you cared for the people you did, lately though, you were more hesitant with your affection.

You continue on with your days with a smile and a comfort that seemed followed you. Only your eyes weren’t as bright as they should be and it worried her.

She’d asked you about it, of course she had, she loved you and she was worried. Your response was the same as it had been to the few others who had noticed the subtle change in your behavior.

A smile, a laugh, a “why would you ask that silly? I’m doing great! How are you?” With a raise of your brow and a look of concern on your face.

Wanda saw it for what it really was, a diversion, trying to take the attention away from yourself.

Looking back up Wanda noticed that Sam and Bucky had left the room. Leaving you there to eat your lunch by yourself as you scrolled threw your phone.

It was then that Wanda noticed the lack of noise throughout the compound. What usually was filled with friendly chatter and the bristling of life was now filled with silence. Everyone must be gone out.

At least you were here, where she could keep an eye on you, make sure you were okay. That thought alone eased Wanda’s worries, at least just a little.

Going back to her work she lost herself, falling into the rhyme of getting threw the paperwork and checking on you from across the room.

An hour had passed when Wanda heard you moving to put your dishes away and leave the room. You stop to place a kiss to the top of head, moving to leave the room when you felt a gentle grip on your arm, turning back you were met with the gaze of the brunette “where are you going Dekta?“

You smile down at her, loving the pet name she had for you. “I’m just going to sit down and watch some tv Wan.” The brown haired girl smiled at you then before nodding and releasing you from her grasp. You were just going to sit in the common room after all so she would be able to keep an eye on you still.

Another hour or so had passed when Wanda moved to check on you again. Only to find you staring blankly at the tv, unmoving. Worried the girl tried to get your attention, calling your name softly.

When you didn’t answer she got up and walked over to sit beside you. Taking one of your hands in hers. Still no reaction. This only served to make the worry inside of her grow “Y/n can you hear me?”

The only response she got was a lone tear spilling over your eye and tracking its way down your cheek as you let out a shaky breath. “Baby your scaring me, what’s going on”

You couldn’t hear her, not really. Some small part of you registered her presence but you were to wrapped up in the mess your mind was making to be fully present. You could feel her hand in yours but with the state you were in it felt far away. Everything felt far away.

You only really registered her presence when you felt a pull on your mind. She was asking for permission you realized. You didn’t want to give it to her, didn’t want her to see what it was like in your mind.

The thought of Wanda seeing what it was like inside your head, of the facade you worked so hard to put up, being torn down broke you. You let out a sob, still unmoving. At this point Wanda’s worry for you outweighed her vow to always get permission before looking into peoples minds. There was something drowning you in your head, she needed to be your life line.

Strings of scarlet light wove their way around her fingers as she brought them to your temples, bracing herself before diving into your mind. What she found scaring her.

You were there. Curled up in the corner of what seemed to be a small dark room, crying. Your knees brought up to your chest with your head resting on them. Your hands pushing forcefully on your ears as to to block out a loud and terrifying sound. She could hear mumbles of “stop, please stop, I can’t do this again. I won’t, I don’t want to. Last time was enough. I’m to tired” through your sobs as you rocked back and forth.

Wanda took a step, trying to get closer to you, to console you. Only when she did she found herself confined to the area of the room she was in, or more so that you were trapped where you were.

She made her way around the room freely, only finding her movements restricted when she tried to near you. No matter what angle she tried to reach you from she was stopped, by a force she could not name or see.

Wanda realized that whatever was happening you were pushing it further back into your mind, that to see what was going on she’d have to dive deeper.

She gave you one last look, a tear escaping her eye as she dove deeper into your mind.

This time when she opened her eyes you were no where to be seen, or so she thought.

There in the middle of a big, black, empty, room was a little girl. One she didn’t recognize at first. Taking a step closer to the child she called out to her “Hello?”

The little girl turned to face her and immediately took up running her her direction. Wrapping her arms around her as soon as she reached her.

“Wanda” the little girl spoke, she couldn’t have been more then five years old. Taking a closer look Wanda realized it was you, she’d recognize those eyes anywhere. It was you…. as a child?

Wanda moved so that she was sitting cross legged with you in her lap. Her arms wrapped around you as you stared up at her. “Hey there, little one” she smiled down at you, you giggle in response.

God you were such a cute child. She wondered if your children, children she hopped you would one day have together, would be as cute as you were.

It looked as though you were about to say something when your face dropped, almost as if you could sense something was coming, something Wanda didn’t or couldn’t, until she did. A sort of darkness surrounding her, trying pull you away from her.

She wrapped her arms around you protectively, unwilling to let you go. Soft please could be heard from your mouth “not again, I -on’t wanna do it again, I didn’t like it last time.” You burry your head in Wanda’s chest, balling the fabric of her shirt in your fists in and attempt to keep her close.

Wanda scrunched her brown in confusion, she was about to ask you what was happening when she head it, a voice, only it wasn’t yours. It was saying such awful things. Degrading and horrible. Harking on your insecurities and anything else it could spill poison about.

As if that wasn’t bad enough the voice also came out soothing, luring you into a false sense of security while it coaxed you into darkness. Saying you’d be better off giving up, giving in and letting it take you whole.

Wanda wanted to use her magic to stop it but she couldn’t, she was to deep into your mind to do anything without risk of triggering something else. With nothing else to do she opted to hold you, whispering reassurances in your ear as she rocked you from side to side.

As time went in she noticed that your please for a reprieve stopped, instead being replaced with sobs. What concerned Wanda more was when your cries stopped, instead you sat still, staring into the darkness around you. No sigh on life in you except for the slow and uneven breaths leaving your lungs.

To see such a lack of emotion, of life, present on such a young and innocent face scared her. It wasn’t right, you should be happy. The sight pushed Wanda to try something.

Deciding that it could do no harm she raised her fingers to your forehead once again, only this time she brought your inner thoughts out. Now instead of the degrading voice the room was filled with your own.

You looked up at her panicked, shaking your head. She shushed you, rocking you back and forth again to put you at ease, as she listened to your internal monologue. From what she could gather this was you trying to make sense of the things going on inside your head.

——————————————————

My emotions aren’t something I can always control. Sometimes i compare my emotions and mental state to the ocean.

Some days the ocean is calm, I can stay above water. Getting on with daily tasks just going threw the motions.

The weight of your words rested heavy on Wanda’s heart. You were so kind, so caring, it wasn’t right that you suffer this way.

I like to think that on the days where the water is calmer, it means I can relax, let my guard down be happy. The reality of it is is that no matter how calm or good the day can seem there’s always this lingering bit of work that you have to put in just to keep moving, keep smiling, keep appearances up.

Theweight of your words rested heavy on Wanda’s heart. You were so kind, so caring, it wasn’t right that you suffer this way.

See just like when your swimming you have to constantly move to stay afloat you have to constantly keep in check with how your mind is dealing. You stop checking, you let yourself forget and just enjoy the day your in now. Tomorrow will just be worse, if not tomorrow the next day, because while your ignoring what you know is inevitable it’s just growing. Getting worse, wrapping itself around you while your not paying attention. Until it’s to late. By the time you realize your mistake your fully bound, unable to move, suffocating. The only thing left to do is wait for it to take pity on you and crawl back to whatever whole it came from. At least until it gets bored and decides to toy with you again. It’s own personal doll.

Ether way, no matter if your day is good or bad, you end up exhausted. Trying to keep your head above water is exhausting.

On days that the storm is bad I isolate myself. I don’t want anyone to know how bad it can get, don’t want them to be suspicious of me when I'm not able to plaster on a smile.

It’s easier that way. They think I’m happier then I am. I don’t have to worry about who knows what if I don’t tell them anything.

At times I get weak, start to tell anyone who will listen that, yes, I do need help. On my worst days when it feels like it’ll never stop, I panic and talk about it. It only serves to make me feel guilty. So I go back, tell them I was just tired, I was being over dramatic, I wasn’t feeling well. Best case is they believe me. Worst case they keep an eye on me, eventually they’ll stop watching. They always do, I know how to make them believe I’m fine.

Your just tired is probably what I hear most and it’s from myself. Wake up in the morning, first though of the day is why this again. I don’t want to do this again. Your just tired is immediately what follows. I hear it at least ten times a day when the thought replays, “Not again please I don’t want to do it anymore”, “your just tired you’ll feel better later”

Then night times roles around. I like night time, when everyone else is asleep I have no responsibility’s. No one needs me, no ones looking for me, I’m not expected to do anything except sleep. Only I don’t want to sleep.

I sometimes restrict my sleep because I feel I don’t deserve it. 1:00 a.m no you can’t go to sleep yet it’s to early. 2:00 a.m it’s still early just keep yourself occupied. 3:00 a.m just last another hour or two then you can go to sleep. 4:00 a.m the sun will come up soon then you can try to go sleep just wait.

It’s not like I don’t get enough sleep. I can sleep in till 10:30 most days. During the day all I want to do is sleep. Sleep all day then stay up all night but I can’t do that. It won’t last forever I have to do things during the day.

At night I feel watched. I don’t ever feel completely comfortable in my own skin, no matter where I am. Even in my own room, with the door locked and the lights on. I feel like I have to check, double check, triple check, just make sure no ones in the room watching you. The only time I don’t feel watched is when I’m with her. When I’m with her I can relax because even though she doesn’t know what’s happening I know she’ll keep me safe.

I guess I really am just tired then. It’s tiring. I don’t get much of a day off. Even when I have nothing going on, I could just be sitting watching tv or reading or listening to music and still.

My drain can run a mile a minute, or so slow it feels I’m barely thinking at all. It’s the transition between the two that’s the worst I think. No motivation to do anything except sit, everything else seems so hard, yet my thoughts can come in bursts of rapid thinking an-

———————————————-

Wanda gasped as she pulled herself back to reality. You were suffering and she needed to fix it. She- she needed to help you.

With tears in her eyes she looked down at five year old you. Asleep in her arms. She placed a kiss to your temple whispering a “don’t worry y/n I’ll make it better. I promise” before placing you on a bed in the room that had appeared around you at some point.

Using her magic Wanda brought herself back to the first room she was in when she first entered your mind. This time instead of being trapped in the corner of the room you were standing In front of her. Eyes full of tears as you watched her. Shaking your head you spoke, your voice cracking from all the crying you’d done, “you promised”

Wanda tried to reach out to you only to have you step away from her, shaking your head “No. You promised me, you swore you would never look in my head without permission”

She knew she was in the wrong. She’d promised, she’d given you her word that she’d never betray your trust. Despite this, with the things she’d just witnessed, she couldn’t help but feel justified in her actions. “I’m sorry y/n but I couldn’t just sit and do nothing anymore. You needed my help”

This time when she reaches out for you, you let her, wrapping your arms around her to return her embrace. “I’m sorry” you mumble into her shoulder, making her pull back slightly, confused. “I- I find it hard to…. To talk about this stuff. I didn-“ You cut yourself off with a sob “I didn’t know how to ask for help, I couldn- it wouldn’t let me admit anything was wrong”

You continued to sob as she held you, whispering words of assurances and adoration in your ear until you calmed down. Once the shaking had subsided Wanda loosened her hold on you slightly, allowing herself to look you in the eyes.

“It’s okay Detka, you dealt in the way you knew how, it may not have been perfect but you kept going, despite how hard it was for you and I am so incredibly proud of you for it.” She raised her hands then, cupping your face in them.

“You’ve dealt with this alone for so long, but you don’t have to anymore. I can help, even if it’s just to sit with you when you need me. I don’t want you to feel as though you ever have to hide how you feel from me. But I understand that this is how you’ve been coping all along and it will take time to feel comfortable sharing with me and that’s okay, I’ll be patient. I promise.”

You close your eyes taking in her words, a tear slides down your cheek as you place your hands over Wanda’s, leaning your forehead against hers.

When you open you eyes Wanda is already looking at you. You seem to wordless communicate all your feels for her and she nods her head in understanding before moving to wrap her arms around you again.

Wanda placed a soft kiss to your lips closing her eyes as she leaves your mind. When she opened your eyes again she was back in the compound. In the common room, sitting on the couch with you beside her.

She watched you intently as she waited for you to open your eyes and come back to yourself, breathing out a sigh of relief when your opened your eyes and turned to face her.

It took you a moment to register your surroundings, not fully back to reality yet. Searching Wanda’s eyes for confirmation that what had just happened was real you leaned towards her. You suspicions were confirmed when she wrapped her arms around you and pulled you into a tight embrace. It was almost as if she was afraid, that if she didn’t hold onto you with everything she had, you’d simply slip through her grasp and disappear.

“Wan I-“ you were cut off as she squeezed you tighter, expelling the air from your lugs. Tapping her lightly on the back you rasp out “Wan I can’t breathe” she pulls back then, tears slowly tracking down her face as she rushes out an apology.

“Sorry, sorry, I’m sorry. I just- God y/n I’m so sorry but that was terrifying. I had no idea what you were going threw was that bad and you- you just walk around everyday like that doesn’t effect you? How? How can you- how?“

You shrug taking her hands in your in an attempt to comfort her. “You get used to it I guess. It’s been happing on and off at different levels since I was a kid”

Suddenly the inner most parts of your mind appearing as a child made sense. You lost some part of you childhood when you had to deal with things no kid should. And to have to deal with it alone? God that must have been so hard, so lonely.

Some part of you would always revert back to the child you were when this first began for you, times when the darkness was most prominent would trigger it inside you.

Noticing Wanda’s thoughts move elsewhere you brought her attention back to you “Hey, I don’t want you to worry okay? This is something I’ve learned to live with. Something I’ve learned to work around. I took some time but I know my limits, the tells of when I need a break”

Shaking her head Wanda moved to sit on your lap, one leg on ether side of yours. “I should be the one comforting you right now. I’m sorry. It’s just…. y/n when I think about the future- when I think about my future, your all I see.“

A tear makes it way out of your eye at her admission, you knew she loved you but hearing her say how much made your heart leap.

Wanda raised her hand to swipe away your tear before continuing “When I close my eyes I can see it all. Me getting down on one knee proposing to you. You walking down the isles on our wedding day, you have the biggest and prettiest smile on your face”

As she continued telling you about her hopes for your life’s together she moves to rest her forehead against yours. “I want to have a life with you. I want us to move into a house together. Have lazy days with you and cook dinner with you an- God I just want to do and share everything with you”.

She closed her eyes as she said the next words, remembering her thoughts from earlier and letting a blush take over her face “I want to come home from a days work to you, pregnant with our child and show you how much I love you. I wanna-“

Tears are streaming down her face now, at the thought of you not getting to live that life together. She needed you, and she needed you to be happy, as happy as she was when she thought of her future with you.

Tears of your own started to fall as you brought your hands up to rest on ether side of her face “Wan, I- that- you planned out our whole future?” She nodded shyly then, unsure if you wanted the same things she did.

Any doubts she had left once you brought your lips up to rest over hers. Pouring all the love you felt for her into a kiss. Pulling back slightly you whisper “I want that to Wan, with you. I want our lives together to be everything you just said”

Pulling back you look her in the eye “You have me Wanda. I’m not going anywhere okay? I’m not going to leave you. We’re going to have the big and beautiful life we deserve. And I promise not to hide things from you anymore okay?”

Nodding her head in agreement Wanda felt a smile spread over her feature, all the while tears track down both your faces.

You sit there in each other’s arms, crying and talking until eventually you hear the familiar bing of the elevator, alerting you to the others return home.

Stepping into the common room the team immediately took note of the tear stains on both of your faces. Concern filled their features as they stepped towards you both cautiously.

“What’s going on?” Tony asked, looking ready to defend you both at a moments notice.

“Is everything alright?” Natasha asked at the same time. Taking another step toward you, assessing you for any injuries.

You looked to Wanda before addressing the team “We’re okay. I’ve just-“ you cut yourself off, looking to Wanda for some reassurance. She squeezed your hand in response, willing you to continue.

Noticing the exchange Natasha raised a brow at you “Y/n? What’s going on, are you alright?”

Taking a deep breath you steady yourself before speaking again “I’m alright Nat- guys, don’t worry.”

The team let out a collective sigh of relief but Tony wasn’t about to let you go that easily “What’s going on then? Why do you both look like you’ve been crying for hours”

Tony’s bluntness caused Nat to swat the back of his head. “Tony” she warned. But you knew him, his bluntness wasn’t him trying to be rude, only the product of his worry for you, someone he considered family.

“It’s okay Nat” You reassured. “I’ve just not been feeling like myself lately. I guess it’s just getting to the point where it’s harder for me to do things and I need a break” When you looked to the team and saw their worry grow so you continued.

“I’m dealing with it and now that I’m talking about it I know I can get threw it, you guys don’t have to worry”

Natasha was the first to approach you, she was your best friend after all. “I love you y/n” she mumbled as she placed a kiss to your hairline. “I hope you know you can come to me whenever you need me” she brought you into a tight embrace before moving aside and letting Tony see you.

You knew Tony thought of you as family, you felt the same for him, but what you weren’t expecting is to see him with tears in his eyes as she approaches you. Opening your arms for him you smile when he wraps you in a bone crushing hug. “I love you Pipsqueak, your like I sister to me y’know. You mean the world to me so please, if you ever need me, don’t be shy”

Feeling wet splotches seep into the shoulder of your t-shirt you respond “I love you to tin man. I will I promise.”

Once Tony realised you from his grip you felt Wanda wrap her arms around you. Turning to face her you address everyone “I love all you guys so much. You all mean the world to me” Deciding to lighten the mood you add “now common that’s enough crying for one day, let’s watch a movie or something”

Just like that the room broke out into it’s usual comfortable chatter, you all deciding to get changed into comfy cloths before setting in to watch a movie. Tony and Nat give you one last hug before letting you go back to you and Wanda’s shared room.

Once inside Wanda pulled you into a kiss, giggling you pull back “what was that for” you ask. She shrugged in response “I’m so proud of you y/n” you smile at her, blushing at the seriousness in her voice.

“And I meant was I said in there” she taps the side of your head before continuing “I’m going to be here for you, no matter what” You nod your head in understanding, grateful to have her in your life.

“I know Wan, and I promise I won’t keep things from you anymore” The brunettes nods, indicating that she believes you “Oh I know you won’t” she laughed “And if you do I’ll- I’ll- I’ll” letting her eyes dart around the room she landed on your dresser “I’ll steal your socks” she laughed out.

Raising your hands in surrender you faked outrage “No! Not my socks! Anything but my socks!” The two of you fall on the bed in a fit of giggles.

Rolling you over so that you were on top of her Wanda whispers “I love you y/n” letting the sincerity of her words show.

Looking the girl in the eyes you whisper back “I love you to Wanda. Before letting you lips fall to hers.

You weren’t acting like yourself, but now that Wanda knows why you knew everything would be okay. She wouldn’t let the darkness take you.

That night, for the first night in a while, you fell asleep to no bad thoughts, nothing weighing on you.

Only thoughts of Wanda and your future together.

ⴵ <3 ⴵ <3 ⴵ <3 ⴵ <3 ⴵ <3 ⴵ <3 ⴵ <3 ⴵ <3 ⴵ <3 ⴵ

A/N - I sat down with the intention to write a third part to ‘A Matter Of Family’ and somehow came up with this. I hope you guys like it, lmk if you do. Also lmk if you’d be interested in a third part to a matter of family :)