#I’ve been thinking a lot recently but I’m tired of conflict and fighting.. and no matter how I try to change my life nothing goes through

[yoongjoong]

.. hmm

[grrrlsoverdramas]

I’ve been scrolling through responses to the most recent EAW ep throughout the day because I couldn’t watch the ep right away, and now I think I need to word vomit some thoughts so that they’re not all I’m thinking about when I DO watch the episode.  Please keep in mind that I haven’t watched the ep yet!

I see a lot of responses to this ep which touch on students’ lives in South Korea and I want to speak to it because it’s a ~cultural~ thing that leads to a lot of stereotypes, even for expats who live there.  As someone who studied abroad there in university, taught students there, know hagwon teachers, and has taught students in my home country (the US) I feel somewhat qualified to speak on student experience -- of course not as qualified as a parent or someone who grew up there.

Some reactions that seem to be coming from this episode:

Young children in Korea spend too much time studying

Young children in Korea spend too much time in Hagwons (after/before school academies

Young children in Korea don’t have enough freedom

In many ways these are true, particularly the first two.  And I am sure the show is being honest/accurate about these ideas. However, I do think there are some grey areas that a non-Korean person may not be as aware of.

For context, I haven’t taught in Korea in 5 years, so of course some things will have changed (esp. in a post-Covid world), and I taught in Gwangju, which is going to be MUCH less cutthroat academically than Seoul.

Some things I know based on my experience:

If your parents make enough money you will attend hagwons as a kid. By the time my students were in 5-6 grade, they often went to sleep incredibly late because they were at Hagwons until late at night, then had dinner and did homework and relaxed for a couple hours after. This was a big problem!

However, many of these “Hagwons” were not different from after school programs elsewhere.  Students would practice instruments, take taekwondo classes (these were often the ones that most tired kids out), go to soccer, learn coding, etc... I have LOTS of kids in the U.S. who are overwhelmed by afterschool activities, especially sports, and come to school exhausted and stressed because of games and meets.

I’ve found that my American students who do long after school sports are usually short-tempered and poorly socialized.  They yell to resolve fights, create cliques, and compare student based on physical ability, in a way my Korean students did NOT.  This is because my American students in those sorts of afterschool activities are being constantly monitored by adults, and often that behavior is encouraged or modeled.

American students are also constantly monitored at school (duh!) -- a teacher must ALWAYS be in the room and outside and usually micromanage behaviors (this is expected).

In contrast, Korean students have way more free time, are largely unmonitored during recesses, and usually in the time between when school ends and hagwons start (most of my students had about an hour or so break in between), or between hagwons, students spend time only vaguely monitored at school or under the care of older kids.  It was normal to see groups of 2nd-6th graders walk to the snack shop to buy snacks, then walk to the taekwondo gyms down the street. This is a pro and con.  In general I found that my Korean students were better at resolving conflicts on their own, expressing themselves, and being responsible.  On the other hand, it leaves a lot of time and space for the excessive/extreme bullying that we see IRL and in kdramas, especially as kids move into middle school.

Another reason why elementary schoolers in Korea are well-socialized is that at Hagwons, they interact with new/different kids and do creative activities. At language hagwons this often means playing games, writing stories, singing songs, or putting on plays. Don’t get me wrong, the mental load of “learning” for so long throughout the day is exhausting and kids should have more time to take breaks -- but it’s not just because kids need to “have fun” but they also need to just lay down, rest, etc. And not all hagwons are like that.  I think math hagwons and Korean or Chinese hagwons usually seemed like the most boring or rote-memorization type learning (but kids usually didn’t got to those multiple times a day).

In the U.S. I usually have three types of kids: (1)  the overscheduled kid who is ultimately just like a Korean kiddo, except way more micromanaged and less independent, who does multiple sports, plays an instrument and does extra study work or works with a tutor. They are exhausted and intense. (2) the underscheduled kid who goes home and is largely unsupervised.  they watch tv and play video games for most of the afternoon. At best, they eat dinner with their parents. If they’re on the extreme end of the low interaction scale, they probably don’t even gethelp with their homework. They are either shy or have incredibly difficulty socializing nicely with peers. (3) the kid who is in aftercare or standard daycare. Their parent might not be able to afford to stay home or pay a nanny. They do structured activities for most of the evening, but most of them are a form of play.

Most Korean kids are 1 and 3, the main difference is that some of the kids are in classes way longer, but this is often because many Korean adults work until 9 or 10 pm.

ANYWAY that’s my infodump for everything I know about Korean childcare!! Even though it’s probably irrelevent lmao

[grace13star]

There’s been a recent uptick in posts claiming that “c!Wilbur is a worse villain than c!Dream” or that he’s “more manipulative” and it’s made me think a lot about just....how villainized Wilbur is? Because while he has done bad things, I’ve seen people just making things up or projecting onto him and making him just. so much worse than he is in canon. 

Again, this is all about the characters in the Dream SMP roleplay and are not the actual people. 

Let’s go over the bad things Wilbur is accused of doing. These are arguments I have actually seen people use and defend with their whole chest. 

1. Created a nation. 2. Sell drugs. 3. Talk about rigging an election. 4. Was a dick. 5. Blew up a nation. 6. Died. 7. Manipulation. 8. Neglectful dad. 9. Child soldiers. 10. Dictator. 11. “Threw a fit” over losing. 

Let’s talk about these and break them down a little. Another disclaimer, this isn’t trying to excuse any hurt that Wilbur has caused, because his actions did cause harm, but this is trying to explain and add context to things that are often taken out of context or just wholly misinterpreted.

1. A common argument for why this makes Wilbur evil is that he “stole Dream’s land.” But like...no. L’Manberg was created on untouched land where no one was living, and had a combined area smaller than Purpled’s garden. Dream, until he declared war, didn’t even care about them making their nation. 

I’m also including in here the claim that he “turned Dream into a villain.” ....What are you talking about. Before Wilbur was even on the server, Dream was part of the disc war, where he stole Tommy’s discs, and then kept perusing them even after the initial conflict ended, including griefing Tommy’s lawn. Before war was declared, Dream and his friends kidnapped and killed Tubbo and Tommy. Dream then also declared war on a peaceful nation (Wilbur said “if they try to declare war we will just say ‘no’”). None of that was in any way forced by Wilbur. Dream made his decisions on his own. Just because someone comes in and says “hey you suck,” doesn’t mean you have to actually suck. Dream made his own decisions, and his decision was to become a villain. 

2. Potions (drugs) are an infinite resource in Minecraft and everyone uses them. This is a stupid argument. 

3. Some people act like he actually did rig the election but...he didn’t. He definitely could have! Quackity wasn’t a citizen of L’Manberg, Wilbur could have banned him from the election easily, especially since his running mate was a previous enemy of L’Manberg. But he let him run, and then he let Fundy and Schlatt run as well. The worst he did here was talk about doing something bad. Also the reason he was trying to consolidate power wasn’t just for the sake of having power. There was, at the time, a civil war going on, and Wilbur tried to stop it but no one listened to him. He wanted the power to be able to protect his citizens and stop a war. 

4. Being a dick is not evil.

5. This is by far the worst thing Wilbur did, and though it hurt a lot of people emotionally, it really wasn’t as bad as everyone says it was. Though the explosion caused property damage, it only destroyed the podium and some of the walkway. People’s actual houses- Manifoldland, Niki’s bakery- were totallu untouched. No one even died in the explosion- the worst thing that happened was Quackity being blown back, but he landed in water. (This isn’t to say that characters shouldn’t be hurt by this! Wilbur betrayed them and definitely hurt them, but people acting like the 16th was worse than Doomsday and also blaming Wilbur for Doomsday even though he was dead is weird.)

There’s also the claim that Wilbur blew it up for the sole purpose of hurting people, which is easily disproved by just...watching a Wilbur stream. Like seriously, stop trying to do analysis on Wilbur if you haven’t even watched his streams. Wilbur had multiple chances to blow everything up, but when he had the choice between blowing it up and hurting people or not hurting people and not blowing it up, he chose the latter every time. At the festival, while Tubbo was trapped on the stage, he stopped going for the button. When Tommy and Quackity were in the button room which would have exploded if he pressed it, he refused. Also I’m gonna use the Reddit post that’s confirmed canon again- Wilbur blew up L’Manberg because he saw how much power it had, and he saw how it hurt people. He tried to destroy it to save everyone from the pain and conflict caused by the nation. He didn’t think they would rebuild. 

6. This one is the one that actually makes me angry. Because guys....Wilbur’s death was a suicide. If Phil wasn’t there, Wilbur would have done it himself- he had been planning to do it himself for months, as there was originally TNT in the button room that would have killed him with the explosion. The reason it makes me angry is because suicide is an extremely serious topic. Characters and the fandom framing it as “Wilbur left or abandoned them” is an ableist take that enforces the stereotype that suicide is a “weak” option or that it’s “running away.” 

There’s also people that will villainizing him for “forcing Phil to kill him” but while I empathize with Phil and realize it was a stressful situation, Phil very much made his own decisions here too. Wilbur didn’t force Phil to kill him, he asked him a few times and then Phil did it. 

7. Again, this is not an attempt to excuse, but an attempt to explain. So first of all, people try to claim that Wilbur was manipulative from the beginning. This is false. Persuasion and making sure someone is “loyal to a cause” is not manipulation. And then Pogtopia- he’s never manipulative in Pogtopia, again, he is only persuasive. I have a longer post that goes into more detail, so definitely check that out. After he is revived, he is definitely guilt tripping Tommy in his most recent stream, but (again, not an excuse) it’s clearly from his desperation to not be alone anymore after 13 years of near constant isolation. 

I’ve also seen claims that Wilbur manipulated Techno and that Techno didn’t know they were planning on starting another government, but this is easily disproven by the fact that Wilbur said multiple times that they’re “taking back L’Manberg” and that he wants to be it’s “rightful ruler” again while Techno was in vc. What about that implies they’re not going back to the government. 

Also since this is relevant- he never manipulated Niki. He was always kind and caring with Niki, even through his mental breakdown. He wasn’t able to bring her into Pogtopia at first, but he talked to her and made sure she’d be okay there (and she said yes!), he offered his life for hers at the festival before hitting people around them and yelling at her to run, she was the first person he gave Blue to, he gave her an inspirational speech and showed her the fox that had been left for her, she was one of the few things Ghostbur remembered. He betrayed and hurt her, but it was not manipulation.

Gonna combine this with this point also but Wilbur was not in any way abusive. A lot of people in this fandom for some reason equate “unhealthy relationship” with “abuse”, especially after the exile arc. Wilbur and Tommy’s relationship, while unhealthy, was not abusive. Please learn the difference. 

Also, if you’ve ever said that “Wilbur gaslit anyone” or that Wilbur is “insane” I want you to define those terms for me right now. No looking anything up. Tell me what they mean. Do it.  

8. What about any of Wilbur and Fundy’s dynamic implies any kind of neglect. No, seriously, where did this take come from. Wilbur was canonically overbearing and he babied Fundy. While it definitely wasn’t the best relationship, it definitely wasn’t neglectful. The only times in canon we’ve seen Wilbur be separated from Fundy was when he was exiled and Fundy cheered while he was shot and killed, when Fundy disowned him in front of their enemy, and when he committed suicide. Even before his death, when they were still on rocky terms, Wilbur stepped forward to defend Fundy from Schlatt in the van. 

9. This take is irrelevant. Child soldiers don’t matter. For one, this is Minecraft. Every single person has equal opportunities. Anyone can become powerful no matter what age they are as long as they grind enough. For another thing, at the beginning part of the roleplay no one was trying to make a long serious story about war and trauma, it was just some friends fucking around and fighting each other. Wilbur also revealed that while writing the Revolution arc that he headcanoned Tommy and Tubbo to be about 20- we know these ages aren’t correct because they’ve been reffered to by their irl ages in lore- but it shows that the “these are children” plot point was added way later- no one mentions it at all in season 1. It doesn’t matter. 

10. This is directed at one person. You know who you are. 

A dictator is defined as “one holding complete autocratic control : a person with unlimited governmental power.” Wilbur didn’t have control. That’s the whole reason for the election. It literally takes one google search to prove you wrong. 

11. There’s a difference between “losing” and “being unfairly exiled by your political opponent who is now declaring himself emperor.” Wilbur was totally fine with losing. He said during the election that he was fine with Quackity winning, and when they actually did lose, though he wasn’t happy about it, he encouraged Tommy to calm down and told him “We’re citizens tonight.” He only “threw a fit” after he was thrown out of the nation he built by someone who immediately declared himself emperor. 

So in conclusion, Wilbur Soot is an antagonist, but he is villified way beyond canon and I’m getting tired of some of these takes that I see over and over again that are easily disproved by just using critical thinking skills. 

This is most of the takes I’ve seen- some I haven’t even dignified with a response because of how clear it is that someone is just lying to try and excuse someone else’s actions- but if anyone has anymore they’ve seen that they want me to talk about, my ask box is open. 

[idanit]

possibly underappreciated Good Omens fics I enjoyed once upon a time

Indirectly inspired by a video series about fanfiction I watched, I decided to pull together a list of Good Omens fics I have bookmarked as stories I enjoyed, but which have less than 250-300 kudos at the time I’m writing this. No particular order. They’re accompanied by short excerpts from my private fic reading notes (not originally intended to be read by anyone but me, mind), sometimes slightly edited for clarity—and, sometimes, the comments I left on the fics.

This list sat in my drafts for a long time and the recent S2 announcement reminded me of it. I’d love it if it inspired you to do something similar! Spread the love.

And mind the tags, please.

△ = general and teen ▲ = mature and explicit 

thermodynamic equilibrium ▲ 7K the author has such an ear for dialogue and is unapologetic about what they want to write the characters like. They think of the characters as a mix of TV and book canon, but they feel like a homemade blend to me. (...) It’s very funny.

such dear follies ▲ 6K I can really picture this Aziraphale—Crowley as well, but her especially. She’s rather distinct. (...) Nice writing.

The Words Were With - △ 1.2K post-Blitz vignette, Aziraphale realizes what he feels and wonders if they're human enough for this. I liked it, and I liked the tag "transhumanism, but in reverse?", too—what an interesting idea. I'd say it's a vignette in a dire need of a follow-up, but, well, there's the show. The show is the follow-up. It fits very nicely within the canon and I totally believe it could have happened, like a deleted scene.

Gossip and Good Counsel △ 19K/? I love their companionship and how they're set up to be opposites by the management even though they get on pretty well. It feels very in keeping with the canon, but I feel like the fact that it's an F/F set in this particular time period adds a meaningful layer to the situation. It's women supporting each other in the world of men, working with the personas that are created for them, but, privately, being normal, well-rounded people. (...) and of course your writing is always a pleasure to read. (...) SDHDGDHDHDG Maisie is truly an Aziraphale.

Crowley Went Down to Georgia (he was looking for a soul to steal) △ 6K This was nice. Based on a song I didn’t know. Crowley goes to a funeral in the USA, one of a fiddler he knew and lost a bet to once. (...) The fic has not one but two songs composed for it and embedded inside it and that makes it even better. I really enjoyed the experience.

The Thing With Feathers △ 18K WARLOCK you'rE HORRIBLE AND I LOVE IT I would read an entire novel-length fic just of Crowley fighting his battles with Warlock. Written like this? It would be a blast. (...) The OCs are believably characterized and well-loved by the story. (...) Everyone seems to need a friend in this house. (...) This was so fun, and at the same time, their mission has weight here (...) We wonder about what the future holds even though we know it.

Here Quiet Find △ 11K This fic aimed for my head and the aim was sure precise. It was a story of Crowley sensing Aziraphale's distress and finding him in a self-quarantined English village in the seventeenth century, tired and anxious. It's hurt/comfort, so there was washing and bedsharing and I had to love it, so I did.

outside of time △ 2K Post-Almostgeddon, (...) nicely-written, short, but strung with a soft kind of tension and unspoken words. There's no drama, just "can we really", and "do you really" of sudden freedom. They fall into being inseparable. Book canon, which I like for this story (sitting on a tarmac). I liked the footnotes. There's a mention of Eliot. All in all, very much yes.

She'asani Yisrael △ 2K It’s Crowley going through a two-hour service and drinking blessed wine. He also keeps an eye on a boy he was asked to. It’s 1946. It was pretty good, so far the best Jewish GO fic, I think, from the ones I’ve read.

To Guard The Eastern Gate △ 11K  I loved it. You really made Sodom feel lived-in; the description of Keret, Hurriya and Yassib's house and relationship were great. I got attached to both them and the city (...) Aziraphale and Crawley’s interactions were generally very entertaining. I laughed (...) Your rendering of their voices just lands so well (...) But then oh, the entire ending (...) hurt, hurt a lot, and your descriptions are so vivid.

If you’ve been waiting (for falling in love) △ 14K AAAAA a good ending line. The whole paragraph, in fact. I love a good smattering of philosophy in my fics, and this was really nice. I can get behind Thomas Aequinus's and Crowley's view on eternity. It's (...) a pretty simple fic (...) - the courage to express yourself and take a risk is awarded with winning what was at stake by the virtue of reciprocity - but the way it was intertwined with a study of how they would experience a forever was done well. 

Holy unnecessary ▲ 2.2K It's well-written. (...) this is my type of sexual humour if I have any. So subtle. Blink and you'll miss it. Lovely.

The Parting Glass △ 17K Through the ages, they're dancing around their relationship until after the Armageddoff. (...) Wow, this was really, really nice. Very simple in its concept and nothing I haven't read before, but very well-executed. (...) AAAAH I LOVED the first chapter. I always like abbeys as settings, that's a given, but the banter, the good writing, the moral ambiguity!

Name The Sky △ 33K This Crowley is different, but very intriguing. Without his sarcastic talk, and much more animalistic. (...) I love how expressive Crowley is. (...) This fic has a very nice balance of drama and levity. I don't love Crowley-before-the-Fall stories very much, but with this execution I can read about it. (...) Okay I've read Crowley offering fruits, and even Aziraphale biting fruits, but the two of them sharing the apple? Outstanding. Ingenious. What a take.

A Flame in Your Heart △ 5K post-Blitz (why are so many dance fics post-Blitz?), they go to the bookshop and have an actually believable conversation. Then they dance the gavotte. It was really nice! Believable writing, emotions, the dancing! (...) Of course it's too early for them, (...) but the author's note? yeah.

Put down the apple, Adam, and come away with me ▲ 32K At this point it's just reading original stories with characters with names and some personality traits that I recognize. (...) I really enjoy this, the careful dance, the opposition between their views. (...) This is well-written, wow. (...) it's not an easy read (...) this story feels very believably 50s, but also reaches out to the present time. 

Liebestraum ▲ 10K/? It really is like music. I'm enjoying the writing a lot. (...) oh my actual god. This, this? Wow, uh. This came for my throat. (...) THE MUSICAL COMPOSITION, THE MOTIF RETURNING, THE AUTHOR KNOWS WHERE IT'S AT (...) Excellent. This hits the right beats so precisely, (...) and with feeling, too.

Down Comforter △ 2.4K and they lay down in angeldown, a soft rug ‘neath their heads– alright. Well, Crowley lies under Aziraphale's wing on a Persian rug after the Apocalypse, and they talk (...). It was sweet.

The Corsair of Carcosa △ 5K Crowley wakes up from a nap, visits Aziraphale for some drinking, and they read The King in Yellow that he happens to own. Good writing, so I'm bought. Aziraphale mentions Beardsley, so I'm bought twice over. My god, a discussion of etheral/occult madness? Caused by some wrong/true reading? Yes.

Very Good, Omens! △ 6K It's rather well-written, well-pastiched. People don't do that too often, nowadays - try to write in the style of a particular writer. (...) I love wordplay like this.

Reviving Robin Hood: The Complicated Process of Crème Brûlée △ 30K it's well-written (...), has a rhythm to it, and quiet humour. (...) Finally some nice, good, light writing. The attention to detail! (...) I'm still reading most of it aloud, the rhythm of it compels me to. (...) okay this does sound like Pratchett&Gaiman, the Good Omens itself (...) The fic is meandering, hilarious, sensitive in all the right places, and overall lovely.

my dear acquaintance △ 1K Oh. Oh. Yes, yes! Aziraphale in Russia, Russia I've never been in, but I can feel the snow and the evening of. Very real, and the bar, too. Attention to detail - vodka flavoured with dill, what on earth? Yes. He would totally have a distinct taste in operas and he would totally complain about a subpar one. I'm glad Tchaikovsky's there.

there is a crack in everything △ 1.8K This was good! Ah. Inspired by a comment (...), I went looking for Mr. Harrison and Mr. Cortese fics—really, what a big brain moment someone had and why have I never thought to look for them? This is Crowley getting suddenly anxious and Aziraphale going out of his way, through all his layers of not-thinking and denial, to console him. I also really liked how the Arrangement is a carefully unacknowledged partnership-marriage.

Scales And Gold And Wings And Scars △ 6K  No conflict, no plot, one tiny arc like a ripple on the surface of water on a calm sunny day - of Aziraphale discovering Crowley’s scars. It's the South Downs and it's early summer. They bask and swim in a spring. Non-sexual nudity, love in the air like a scent. Nice.

Nineteen Footnotes In Search Of A Story △ 0.4K This is a Good Omens story told only through footnotes. Your mind can fill in the gaps. Fascinating (...). Also, it’s an experiment so apt for this particular fandom.

Hell on Earth △ 6.5K Oh, I loved it! How could I not love it: it's Beelzebub-centric, it's historical, it has classical painting, and even a hilarious scene with a cuneiform phrase, as if I didn't enjoy this story enough already. There are so few Beelzebub fics out there and I find searching for them very difficult (I accept recs if anyone has any), and it's such a shame, so this was really like a gift to the fandom. I absolutely adore the way you portrayed them, small, frightening, powerful, and confident. Also, it was super fun to see how different Crowley seems when we're not in his POV or in a story about him and Aziraphale. (...)

Go Up to Ramoth-Gilead and Triumph △ 24K Daegaer is... pure class. (...) hdhdhdh what pfttt why you so funny (...) I love this Crowley. (...) This got unexpectedly intense. (...) I love the little nods to the fact that Israelites, especially the poorer ones, still believe in other gods. I also really like that they sleep on roofs. It's just the kind of detail that grounds the story and shows that the author is, in fact, a historian. 

[asleepinawell]

Book Recs

I was gonna do one of these at the end of the year, but I’ve somehow managed to read 26 books this year already (12 novellas, 14 novels), almost all featuring queer authors and/or characters so this is already a long list.

Note: There’s a few on here I was kind of meh about, but in most of those cases it was a ‘book might be good but it’s not for me so i’ll mention it to put it on people’s radar anyway’ type of thing. Insert the usual necessary tumblr disclaimer about all of this being only my opinion and your opinions are valid too etc etc.

In order of when I read them:

Princess Floralinda and the Forty-Flight Tower by Tamsyn Muir - Fantasy novella from the author of gideon the ninth that’s a twist on the classic princess trapped in a tower waiting for a prince story. Quite fun. (novella)

The Monster of Elendhaven by Jennifer Giesbrecht - Dark fantasy about revenge and magic. m/m couple but like I said it’s pretty dark and twisted all around so definitely not a happy queer romantic story. My opinion was interesting premise that could have been executed better and probably should have been a full novel to embellish on the world building potential. (novella)

A Memory Called Empire & A Desolation Called Peace - Arkady Martine - Probably tied with murderbot as the best things I read this year. Scifi, f/f couple, wonderfully done exploration of what it means to fall in love with a culture that is destroying your own. More of the many queer anti-imperialist books that have come out recently and certainly some of the best. The second one is a direct continuation of the first. (2 novels)

The Tyrant Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson - This is the third in the Baru Cormorant series (The Masquerade) and was my favorite so far. The second and third book were originally one book that got split I believe and the second book didn’t stand alone as well (though was still great), but the third book really made up for that. Dark fantasy world starring a queer woc whose country and culture is destroyed by the imperial forces of that world colonizing and assimilating them. She vows revenge and decides to work her way up within her enemy’s ranks to enact it from within and bring an empire to ruins. Really really fascinating study of so many different aspects of our own world and the systems which enable and allow bigotry and how bigoted and violent narratives are used to control minorities. This is definitely a darker series and I was particularly impressed with some of the commentary on the racism prevalent in non-intersectional feminism as depicted through a fantasy world. Can’t wait for the last one to come out! (3 novels, 1 forthcoming)

The Murderbot Diaries - Martha Wells - There’s six of them--5 novella and a novel--and the first is All Systems Red. Told from the point of view of a self-aware droid/android that is rented out by a corporation to provide protection in a dystopian capitalist hellhole future that isn’t that unlike our current capitalist dystopia but is in space. Muderbot hacked the chip that controlled it and instead of going rogue just wants to be left alone to watch its favorite tv shows. Murderbot is painfully relatable and the books are both funny and poignant. Highly recommended. (5 novellas and a novel).

Winter’s Orbit - Everina Maxwell - This was a m/m romance novel with a scifi backdrop of royal intrigue. Generally I’m more into scifi with a queer relationship in the background than vice versa, so it wasn’t my favorite, BUT I think it was still well written and someone looking for more of the romance angle would enjoy it. Has all your favorite romance tropes in it, especially the yearning. (novel)

The Divine Cities - Robert Jackson Bennett - Three book series. I’m very conflicted about this one. Set in a fantasy world where an enslaved nation overthrew the country enslaving them and now rules over them. It’s a story of what happens after the triumphant victory and within that it’s also a murder mystery tied into the dying magic of the conquered nation. It also has a six foot something naked oily viking man fist fight a cthulhu in a frozen river. The second book was by far my favorite, mostly due to the main character being brilliant. My conflict comes from the fact I don’t feel like the story treated its women and queer characters well. Like it had really great characters but it didn’t do great by them overall. That and the third book didn’t live up to the first two. But still definitely worth a read, can’t stress enough how cool some of the world building was. (3 novels)

Into the Drowning Deep - Mira Grant - This might be the only one on here I disliked. It’s got a doomed boat voyage and creepy underwater terror and monsters and a super diverse cast of characters, but I just didn’t enjoy the writing style. While having a diverse cast is great, there were a lot of moments where it felt like characters were pausing to explain things about themselves that felt like a tumblr post rather than a normal conversation you might have while actively being hunted by monsters. I also bounced off all the characters. But a lot of people seem to have liked it so if you’re into horror and want a book with a f/f main couple then maybe you’ll enjoy it. (novel)

Dead Djinn Universe - P. Djèlí Clark - Around the early 1900′s, a man in Egypt discovers a way to access another world and bring Djinn and mysterious clockwork beings called Angels through. As a result, Egypt tells the British to get fucked and Cairo becomes one of the most powerful cities in the world. So Egypt, magic, djinn, a steampunk-ish vibe, oh and the main character is a butch queer woman who enjoys wearing dapper suits and looking fabulous while she investigates supernatural events. Her girlfriend is also mysterious and badass. And she has a cat. There’s three novella (one of which technically might be considered a short story) and then the first novel. You should absolutely read the novellas first (A Dead Djinn in Cairo, The Angel of Khan el-Khalili, The Haunting of Tram Car 015). Super fun and imaginative series. (3 novellas and a novel, more forthcoming)

River of Teeth & Taste of Marrow - Sarah Gailey - From the book description

“In the early 20th Century, the United States government concocted a plan to import hippopotamuses into the marshlands of Louisiana to be bred and slaughtered as an alternative meat source. This is true. Other true things about hippos: they are savage, they are fast, and their jaws can snap a man in two. This was a terrible plan.”

Queer hippo riders!!!! Very much a western but with hippos. Main couple included a non-binary character. Loved the first one. The second one I was more meh about due to one of the characters I was supposed to like having obnoxious man pain that a woman had to take the brunt of the whole time. Also there were less hippos. But queer hippo riders! Definitely read the first one, and they’re both novellas so no reason not to read the second as well. (2 novellas)

A Psalm for the Wild-Built - Becky Chambers - I may be the only person who hasn’t read the long way to a small angry planet at this point, but I did grab her new novella and I loved it. It made me want to go sit out in the woods and feel peaceful. The world it’s set in feels like a peaceful post-apocalypse...or diverted apocalypse maybe. Humans built robots and robots gained sentience, but instead of rebelling they just up and left and went into the wilderness with a promise that the humans wouldn’t follow them.The remaining human society reshaped itself into something new and peaceful. It’s the story of a monk who leaves their habitual monking duties to go be a tea monk and then later wanders into the wilderness and becomes the first human in ages to meet a robot. Very sad there’s no fan art yet. (novella, more forthcoming)

The March North - Graydon Saunders - This was such a weird book that I’m not sure how to explain it. The prose style is hard to get used to and I suspect a lot of people will bounce off it in the first chapter. There’s no third person pronouns used at all and important events get mentioned once in passing and if you blink you’ll miss them. Set on a world where magic is extremely common to the point that rivers sometimes run with blood or fire and the local weeds are something out of a horror movie and most of the world is run by powerful sorcerer dictators, one country banded together (with the help of a few powerful sorcerers who were tired of all the bullshit) to form a free country where powerful sorcerers wouldn’t rule and the small magics of every day folks could be combined to work together. The story revolves around a Captain of the military force on the border who one day has three very powerful sorcerers sent to them by the main government with the hint that just maybe there’s about to be a big invasion (there is) with the implication of take these guys and go deal with this. The world building is extremely complex and very cool...when you can actually understand what the fuck is going on. There is also a murder sheep named Eustace who breathes fire and eats just about everything and is a Very Good Boy and belongs to the most terrifying sorcerer in the world who appears as a little old grandma with knitting. It had one of the most epic badass and wonderfully grotesque battles I’ve ever read. But yeah, it is not what I would call easy reading. Opinions may vary wildly. I did also read the second one (A Succession of Bad Days) in the series which was easier to follow and had a lot more details about the world, but overall I was more meh about it despite some cool aspects. The chapters and chapters of the extreme details of building a house that made up half the novel just weren’t my thing. (novels).

The Space Between Worlds - Micaiah Johnson - In this world parallels universes exist and we’ve discovered how to travel between them, but the catch is you can only go to worlds where the ‘you’ there is already dead. This turns into an uncomfortable look at who would be the people most likely to have died on many worlds and how things like class and race would fit into that and what we would actually use this ability for (if you guessed stealing resources and the stock market you’d be correct). The main character is a queer woc who travels between worlds with the assistance of her handler (another queer woc) who she has the hots for. She accidentally stumbles on a whole lot of mess and conspiracy and gets swept up in that. Really enjoyed it. (novel)

Witchmark - C.L. Polk - Fantasy world reminiscent of Victorian England (I think?) where a young man with magical gifts runs away from his powerful family to avoid being exploited by them. He joins the army and fights in a war and comes home to try and live a quiet life as a doctor, but a murder pulls him into a larger mystery that upturns his life. Also he’s extremely gay and there’s a prevalent m/m romance. This one was a fun-but-not-mind-blowing one for me. (novel, 2 more in the series I haven’t read)

The Priory of the Orange Tree - Samantha Shannon - This was one of those that everyone loved but I couldn’t get into for some reason. I tried twice and only got about halfway through the second time. It’s got dragons and queer ladies and fantasy world and all the things I like, but I wasn’t that invested in the main story (which included the f/f couple) and was more interested in the smaller story about a woman trying to become a dragon rider. There are few things that beat out a lady and her dragon friend story for me and that was the storyline that felt neglected and took a different turn right when we got to the part I’d been waiting for. But, I know a lot of people whose reading opinions I respect who loved it, and if you like epic fantasy with dragons and queens and treachery and pirates and queer characters then I’d say you should definitely give it a try. (novel)

Bonus: I didn’t read these series this year, but if you haven’t read them yet, you should.

Imperial Radch (Ancillary Justice) - Ann Leckie - Spaceship AI stuck in a human body out for revenge for their former captain, but that summary does not come close to doing it justice. Another one examining imperialism and also gender and race.(3 novels)

Kushiel's Legacy Series - Jacqueline Carey - This is two series, six books total, and starts with Kushiel's Dart. Alternate universe Renaissance-y Europe in a fantastical world where sex isn't shameful and sex workers are respected and prized. Lots of political intrigue and mystery. A lot of BDSM and kinky stuff too (the main character is a sexual masochist, oh and also bi!). I first read this series when I was fifteen or sixteen and it definitely made a big impression on me. Same author also wrote the Santa Olivia series which I’d also recommend. (6 novels)

The Locked Tomb (Gideon the Ninth) - Tamsyn Muir - I mean, if you follow me, you know. If you don’t follow me you still probably know. I’d have felt remiss to have left them off though. Lesbian Necormancers in Space. Memes! Skeletons! Biceps! Go read them. (2 novels, 2 forthcoming, 1 short story)

Books On My To Read List:

Fireheart Tiger - Aliette de Bodard

The Order of the Pure Moon Reflected in Water - Zen Cho

Black Sun - Rebecca Roanhorse

This Is How You Lose the TIme War - Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone

Ninefox Gambit - Yoon Ha Lee

Also, if anyone has any recs for scifi/fantasy books starring queer men (not necessarily having to do with a queer relationship) and written by queer men I’d love them. There’s a lot written by women, and some of them are great, but I’d love to read a story about queer men from their own perspective.

[melissa-s23]

Private lesson

Sumarry: Janus try to decieve himself into a timeline where he can save his friends. He does not expect reality to offer him an opportunity to prove himself.

Word count: 3127

Characters: Janus Sanders, King creativity Sanders

Warnings: Sword fighting?? Idk please tell me if you think something else should be added here.

Author’s note: MY FIRST ONESHOT EVER COMPLETED! Yes! And the honor goes to @rondoel ‘s King!AU! ( @kingcreativityau ) :D Now: are the characters OOC in this? Most probably. Do I really care about it? Only a tiny bit. I only started to post Sanders Sides content here recently, but I’ve been a fan of the series for a few months now so I had time to read a lot of fic... however I’m still not sure on what I got wrong so if you have any criticism, positive or negative, please let me know! Lastly, this was at first supposed to be an animatic (on the song called ‘This is war’) but I have NO TIME to draw and lot of time to write so enjoy! When I do get time, I might try to animate a certain part of it that I don’t think I nailed that well in the fic. Anyway, I’ve been rambling for long enough. ENJOY!!!

-----------------------------------

Janus stood there, in the empty training room. Since King's return, he felt very conflicted, and he hated himself for it.

The king was merciless, he cursed Patton to make him look like a toddler, he removed Logan's vocal cords, he cursed Virgil into torturing himself into deadly downward spirals, and...

And he was very spiteful, he was angry... because he'd betrayed him.

Janus clenged his fist. He couldn't help but remember the look of betray and rage that his King gave him when he discovered his team-up with Logan. Those orange eyes that could burn him down on the spot. Those oh so intense eyes... Damn it, he was back at it again. This is over now. His king was gone. Now it was the King. The tyrant. The side who hurt his friends.

He was standing in the empty room, looking at his reflection by the mural mirror. His now half-half face looked so tired. Was he really this tired ? He was probably very very tired... but he'll rest later, as the memory of his most recent wound was still fresh in his head, replaying this utter humiliation, he just couldn’t sleep. Anger soon filled him up.

He could have tried to stop him. He could have tried to save his friends, and instead he just... froze. He just let it happen like he couldn't do anything. And he knew how to fight ! He knew how to defent himself for crying out loud ! He could've done something, and instead... Nothing ! He recalled the scene, bit by bit. How Logan stood at his left, how virgil was just behind, how the king was looming over them, despite being 10 feet away from them. He remembered every movement, every word, and every second of that moment like it was written in his metaphysical blood.

And in a second, it was like he was dragged back to this hell again.

And he would not let it happen a second time.

He summoned his cane and raised it up at the memory of King. His mind wandered off now. He had to imagine how he would've react. Would he summon his sword or take full creative control to just trap him ? He wanted to think he had a chance, so he chose the sword scenario.

And just like that, the imaginary fight was on. Step forward. Left. Right. Dodge. Go protect them. Put up a fight. He would have rushed toward the tyrant and aimed for the head, the sword would've get in the way and he could uses the top of his cane to project himself back to the group. Go. Dodge. Pare. Block and Dodge and Move fast and Dodge again and Block and pare and send it back. The world was spinning around him and the fight got more and more intense. He may have his eyes closed, but he knew perfectly where he was in the room, and he was completely in his daydream. Left and Right and Block again and Forward and Left and Block and backward and spin and swing the cane for it to stop only an inch away from the face of his enemy. He would have been a threat, and he would have been able to save his friends from the King.

He didn't expect, however, to be met with the actual King in front of him when he opened his eyes.

Janus' eyes widened and he immediately cursed himself for backing up. Great. He was all about putting up a fight and a second later, he was cowering. ‘Talk about blowing smokes.’ He at the very least kept his glare from fading away. He couldn't be scared of him. He couldn't show it. He was simply surprised... He had to make that a challenge for him, Deceit was not a side you could see right through, after all.

« You seem to have a quite... Interesting dancing style » King spoke, an almost mocking grin showing as he looked down at Janus. Crap. Did he knew ? Was he there the whole time ?

As the tyrant lift his hand, Janus snaps back into reality, setting his guard up and putting a stronger grasp on his cane. Only for the object to sudenly float in the air, shining with bright light and transforms into a sword that Janus grabbed back before it falls on the floor. This left only more confusion in the half-snake, confusion which turns into alert when he lifts his gaze back at the King only to be met with another blade. He jumps back.

« W... What ? » Janus was lost.

« Wouldn't you try and learn an acutal fighting technique ... » King's voice was composed, but also slightly amused at Deceit's confusion.

«... instead of the poor travesty I just witnessed ? » until it all vanished in favor of annoyance.

Janus tried to process the words as King switched his position for a dueling one. His sword in front of him, his torso on the side and his feet dug on the ground. Was he.... what ? What was happening ?? One thing sure was that he invited Janus to mirror his behaviour. And so he did, taking a deep breath, and standing still while carrying his sword to cross the others. And before he figured out what to do next, King took three blows and sent Janus' sword flying through the air and crashing on the ground.

« Whoa wHoa WHOA ! Hold on ! » Janus lifted his hands in defense and gulped as the blade of his enemy got dangerously close to his throat.

He then heard a chuckle, and the blade finally got away from his neck. « It was just too tempting. » He snapped his finger and the sword flew right back to Janus' hand, who was still confused.

« Alright, for real this time, I let you give the first blow. »

Janus hesitated, still not sure if the scene before him was really happening, but quickly composed himself. He came back to mirroring King's posture and came with a serious expression. He quickly analysed how he could start and how he could win the fastest. When he assumed to find a way to win quickly, he lifts his sword up and went for it.

Boy, was his assumption wrong.

He thought he'd move faster, but the moment the sword swingged on the left, King's weapon caught him off guard, and it only took two quick slays for Janus' to fly in the air again. He felt baffled and humiliated. And the amused smile from his opponent didn't boost his ego at the moment.

« How ? » He didn't understand. Even his instincts weren't nearly as fast as the King, and the tyrant didn't get the chance to train in years !

He only got an arrogant giggle in response before the sword flew back to Deceit's hand. Janus frowned deeper and dug his feet in the ground, ready to jump. King did not miss, nor cared for deceit's threat.

« Again. » He simply ordered. He only had to move his arm to be back to his initial position. Was there a point to it ? Or did his tyrant just liked to put him through this childish show of superiority ?

For some reason, Janus obeyed.

And lost.

Again.

« Try again. » the King ordered.

The other obliged.

After the 4th time the sword flew back into the yellow side, he had to face it : This was happening. King was training him to sword fight. And he just... accepted it ??? What ?? How was this happening ? Usually, he would try to bite back, make some remark, try to hurt him, but here he just... went along with it. And King seemed pleased with that. He looked...content. He looked satisfied with giving Janus private lesson. This moment...  against all odds... felt... not as bad as he expected.

The more they fought, the less cold the tyrant was, and the less tense they both get. King stopped trying to bring him to his knees and instead looked like he a professor, excited to give his student something to work on.

Of course, he would never admit it, but in this instant, in this moment of intimacy and challenge devoted from any animosity... It was calming, it was like a fresh wind coming after a heat wave of chaos, and the adrenaline that came from the fight was giving him enough energy to savour every second of it.

Wait.

No.

No no no no no.

He wasn't enjoying it. He wasn't enjoying it at all. He could not appreciate what was happening : the sadistic bastard was bellitling him and humiliating him right now ! And worst part is ? He couldn't even do anything about it ! Because King is so freacking good at sword fighting and Janus' main weapon has been turnd into a sword for crying out loud. There was no time to lust over past relationship !

And another game lost.

« I told you to pay attention to what was happening high up. Looking at my chest is not going to do much if you want to predict where or when I'm going to hit next. I thought you'd know that. »

« I was simply lost in another train of thought, I hope you could forg- »

DON'T.

FINISH

THIS WORD.

'You be submissive, god dammnit.' He thought to himself before clearing his throat and returning to his cunning voice. He had to keep his distance.

« I don't need you to tell me that. I was simply lost in thought. Do you really I am this much of an idiot ? »

« Well, you didn't prove me otherwise yet so. » He chuckled low and got ready for yet another one. « En garde. »

Even though he couldn't hide the joy he was feeling at the moment, he could mask it behind his usual calm appearance.

« And how many times are we going to do this ? » He asked, his tone playing between teasing and bored

«Until you get some actual fighting skills. » King answered, playing along.

« Ouch. I think I prefer the wounds caused by your sword. »

« Well then hurry up and grab your weapon. » Damn it. Why did they seem to get along of all sudden ?

« As you wish. This was merely a warm up. » he lied

« I do not doubt it any second. »

And just like that, the conversation became non-verbal again.

…

Truth be told, neither knew how long they've been fighting. Was it an hour ? Three hours ? 20 minutes ?

Truth be told, neither cared.

All janus knew is that he was getting better and better, almost becoming a challenge to the King , and the other side seemed glad to step up and fight with more intensity.

And both completely forgot to hide their excitement.

Janus started to tease king, even when he was clearly losing, and the other responded with as much sarcasm and complicity. The two glared at each other with malice and playfulness the whole time. And both couldn't help but smile.

And just like that, it felt as if they never left each other.

When he was younger, Janus and his king would play around with wooden swords, roleplaying like two ennemy seeking vengence in the most childish way. Janus sometimes would fake losing so he could see his king's proud smile which was worth losing 10 times again. His king would sometimes lose and janus would feel a feeling of acomplishment that was very strange to him, in a pleasant way. And at the end, they would most of the time lay down on the green grass and just talk about everything and anything.

And right now, he felt like he was playing with his king. Only the swords weren't made of wood anymore, and it was more professional. But still, it felt the same.

And it felt ...pleasant.

He could hear himself laugh just like when he was younger, and if he listened closely, he could feel king chuckle just like his king.

And it felt … nice.

From the talk, to the movement, both were on edge, calculating every move and waiting for an opportinity to strike. It was an amazing strategy game combined with pure raw strenght. And King's fighting style was both very classical and yet creative. He was very crafty and Janus only had to rival with his own tricks. They were in the moment, living fully the present.

And it felt...

And dear lord, it felt so, so good.

He could feel himself fly as he dodged, he could feel fire in his vein when he was about to strike down, he felt his head spinning, yet everything around him was so crystal clear, it was like a dance. A disturbing, aggressive, cold and passionate dance.

A dance...

They used to dance before.

His king and himself.

Most of the time, when they were done fighting, they would lay down on the grass. Most of the time.

Sometimes, he could have the biggest honor of all.

'Now, my dear, would you enjoy a waltz with me ?' his king offered his hand

-'I don't want to step on your foot again'

-'I told you you didn't hurt me ! Come now, it's not your job to be scared.'

despite his defensive approach, he adored those dances.

-'Alright, I'll dance with you. '

How did it go again ?

1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3.

Left, right, right, wait no, was it left again ?

1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3

step up, forward, step back, and one turn and another. His king would have his hand on Janus' shoulder and Janus would have his hand on his king's waist. And they would dance, and the music filled the air, and his king would have made a room just for them to dance.

1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3

Turn around, then left then back up.

1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3

Then caught in their trance

1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3

They would just spin around, and turn and spin and spin again and everything was  spinning around them and they could only see each other and the whole world was spinning and it was just them. Just the two of them.

And they would smile and they would laugh and everything was still spinning around them and it was blissfull, passionate, affectionnate and in they would join their hands once more and their finger would interlace and once their hands was only one thing, they would lift it in the air with bravery as a victory for their hapiness.

And he would lift his hand in the air, with his king.

And they would lift their hands, hold together, in the air.

And they would yell a victory choir.

King's sword fell on the ground.

And he had his hand on King's chest.

Oh lord, he was too close to King.

Their faces were only two inches apart.

And Janus visibly forgot how to breath.

King was staring with wide eyes, clearly not expecting Janus to send his sword flying nor getting this close. None of them dared move an inch, and none of them could breath.

What... what just happened ?

How could Janus get so caught up in his dreams that he erased whatever was happening in front of him ? And how did this stupid dance from years ago helped him beat the King to his game ? And how could he, despite everything,  try to search for his king's eyes in the tyrant that stood in front of him ?

Right now, the King's red and green eyes were  flickering into orange glimps and his look was just tearing Janus up from the inside. He looked ready to cut his throat open if he had his sword in hand.

And yet …

For only a moment, only for a single instant, did Janus find his King shining through the side in front of him.

Sadly, this bloom inside of Janus' heart got cut fast as thorns grapped him and pulled him far away from his The King, and before he realized what was happening, the thons just gripped tighter and tighter, making Janus unable to hide the jolt of pain.

He struggled, trying to get away from the grasp, but they only tightened and eventually, he stopped, gasping for air. He tried to look back at the tyrant, who was simply observing with a serious expression, the joy of the past moments seemingly dissapeared the moment Janus got too close. And now, he was back to being a threat. Without looking away, he move forward, with slow steps. Janus tried to manage a sentence but the pain was too high for him to form anthing coherent. Eventually, The King was in front of Janus, and the yellow side swore he was about to get killed right on the spot, but instead he just kneeled down, grapping back the sword that flew away.

Oh.

He got up and, with the other hand, brushed over the blade. Without looking away from it, he spoke : « You fought well. » He lift his eyes to meet Janus, struggling not to faint, and determined to look at him with rage. The corner of his lips twiched into the smallest of smirk and he turned back, opening the gap between the two.

And as the King took his steps, Janus' eyes widened, realizing what King was about to do.

'No.'

'No. Not again.'

'Don't leave. '

'Please'

'Don't leave me again. '

He turned into a snake to got away from the thorns and rushed towards him, ready to grip his cape. Anything. Anything but that. He was so close...

But the thorns got Janus back before he could make it.

He couldn't even hear his own grunts of pain. All he could listen to was the sound of footsteps, and a windblow that made King dissapear. Janus froze in place.

And the silence that grew in the room was deafening.

After what felt like an enernity, the thorns let go of Janus, who simply fell on his knees shaking. He hugged himself as hard as he could, and curled on himself.

He tried to fight back tears that wouldn't stop to threaten to fall.

And none of them ever left his eyes. Just like no wound ever left his heart.

------------------------- WHOOOOOO What a ride! This was really fun to write and the challenge of putting words on the visuals your head come up with is certainly something. Now, I hope you didn’t expect things for them to get better just like that, huh? ;) There is too much they need to discuss before being close to make peace, so that’ll have to wait! I have other ideas for those two so I’ll see if I get motivated to write it out. Hope you liked it!! :D

[bookofmirth]

I really struggle with elains character, in part because I recently started interacting with the fandom and my version of her and ideas her story didn’t align at all with what I saw being pushed by the fandom, which is the version of elain that from my perspective many elriels favor.

From what little we actually know of elain, I would expect her arc to focus on her learning to accept herself and finding her place. Maybe her story would include traveling prythian and the faerie realms, exploring her seer powers, involving herself in court politics as a diplomat, learning to fight, or even towing the moral line while trying to become human again.

And my ideas are not everyone’s ideas, but for elriels to gatekeep a character because other opinions either don’t favor their ship or threaten elains “femininity” is ridiculous. No elain does not have to become some badass warrior to be interesting, but being a badass warrior is no less feminine than loving to garden. The modern concept of femininity has expanded past the traditional domestic ideal of a woman, and it’s insulting to keep insinuating that elain would be any less of a woman if she picked up a weapon.

I want elain to have a story, some sort of personal journey. Her sitting around and pining after azriel or lucien for that matter while we watch her garden and bake should not be the sum total of her book. The main struggle shouldn’t be whether to grow roses or peonies. She should face a real conflict beyond her love life. And I have every faith Sarah will do that for her, but it frustrates me to see others not want that kind of story for her.

It's just so, so funny how the people who laud her traditional femininity also want her to either embrace it to the point where she is a passive little idiot (she doesn't know how the bond works, she is always being victimized, she suffers so much in her silk dresses and her beautiful gardens where she doesn't have to pay rent or work a job), or to completely discard it by saying she should be a spy.

So first off, I 100% agree with your assessment of what she needs because if we take off our shipping goggles and think about what we know about Elain, she needs to learn and live and grow and figure out who she is because, from her mouth, other people are so worried about her wellbeing all the time that she is completely stifled.

Like all of this

Maybe her story would include traveling prythian and the faerie realms, exploring her seer powers, involving herself in court politics as a diplomat, learning to fight, or even towing the moral line while trying to become human again.

Is exactly what I think too because she has said she wants to travel, she has said that other people impose their feelings upon her ability to express her trauma, we know that she is persuasive and tried to be the peacemaker of the Archeron family. And the best part? It has zero to do with whatever dick she happens to ride.

These people aren't really thinking about the implications of their theories, which is why I wrote this post.

The modern concept of femininity has expanded past the traditional domestic ideal of a woman, and it’s insulting to keep insinuating that elain would be any less of a woman if she picked up a weapon.

I've seen posts that are like "ew I'm so tired of the warrior girlboss story, no more training montages, why can't she just be a girly girl" and hey, guess what!!! Just like you said, there are more versions of the feminine than what Elain has currently shown, and what they are so desperate for her to cling to is a very white version of femininity. It does women and feminine people a disservice to say that their womanhood must align with that specific version.

Sorry, but I got over my "ew I hate pink, girl things are gross!" phase when I was like 14, and I can see beyond that now. The fact that Elain currently resembles a 1950s white middle class housewife is not a bad thing, but it's not exactly aspirational, either. There is valuing traditionally feminine work, and there is acting as if that work is her entire freaking personality. Women have done a whole lot of different kinds of work over the centuries, and not all of it has been centered on the home.

Her sitting around and pining after azriel or lucien for that matter while we watch her garden and bake should not be the sum total of her book. The main struggle shouldn’t be whether to grow roses or peonies. She should face a real conflict beyond her love life.

I LOVE THIS. For how often these people try to pull out their faded, 1955-era Feminist Membership card, they sure don't realize the limits they are putting on Elain as a female character. Why are they so insistent about defining her by who she ends up with? Why are they so insistent about saying that gardens are the beginning, middle, and end of her personality? And why are they so sure that she has literally nothing else going in her life except who she is supposedly in love with?

Elain still has to deal with:

her powers

her relationship with Nesta

her new life in Prythian and where she wants to live

her visions of Vassa, maybe?

she still hasn't traveled to the Continent

learning to assert herself

figuring out what she actually wants in life

[livinghostly]

insomnia

isaac lahey x reader

not my gif!

words: 1820

request: "can you write some isaac lahey fluff where he helps the reader sleep 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 sorry if this is weird! i've been having a lot of trouble sleeping recently and imagining isaac is the only thing that helps :("

a/n: i described my personal experiences with being unable to sleep, it might not be the same for everyone but i hope it helps/you enjoy it regardless🥺

[...]

you weren't sure how long it'd been since the lights were turned off– two hours, maybe three. in all that time you'd been laying in your bed motionless, staring down the dresser a few feet away from you. there wasn't much to see, it was so dark, but you knew what was there. the outlines of picture frames of you and the members of your pack.

one of them was with isaac, taken by lydia, on a day you'd all gone to the pool. well, a kiddy pool stiles had set up in his backyard since lydia wasn't too comfortable with the public one anymore. you and isaac were sitting on two scrappy lawn chairs pulled from the garage, and he'd mumbled something mean about stiles. you failed to hold back a laugh while insisting it wasn't funny, and he watched you with a smile.

it was one of the very few pictures you had together. in most of them his eyes were glowing, casting a glare over the picture making it near impossible to see. but when he closed his eyes or wasn't looking at the camera, it was almost as if he wasn't a werewolf.

your eyes fluttered around the room, getting glimpses of color when the occasional car would pass by and it's lights would shine through your window. there was an arm wrapped around your torso that prevented you from moving too much, and you didn't want to wake him up.

isaac didn't snore, but he did talk. mumbled sentences under his breath– and when they were said loud enough for you to hear, they didn't make any sense. but his ramblings weren't what was keeping you awake.

when you had crawled into bed you thought you were tired, and you still were. the day had exhausted you, stretching you to your limits mentally and physically. you closed your eyes and tried to settle, but you would open them again every few minutes and be left looking at the same wall.

it got hot. you shuffled your feet, kicking around at the bottom of the blanket until you could let your foot breathe off of the side of the bed. as you cooled off, the shadows in the corners of your room began to grow, you pulled your foot back under the blanket in fear and scooted yourself farther into isaac's chest.

you thought about tomorrow. if you didn't fall asleep now, would you have enough energy to make it through the day? what were you going to face tomorrow? it seemed as if every day, the supernatural conflict in beacon hills was getting worse. you wondered what it would be like three months from now, or even farther down the road.

as your contemplation began to escalate, you became uncomfortable in the position you were in. hyper aware of the blanket against your skin and your hair bunched up against you, you felt an itch crawl over your body. isaac's grasp, although soft, felt constricting.

gently, you plucked his hand off of your waist and laid it between your back and his chest. he stirred, shoving his head deeper into his pillow, muffling his sleep mumbles, and he shifted himself on the mattress. you tossed your side of the blanket over him and sat up on the bed, letting your bare feet hit the floor.

glancing over your shoulder, you read the alarm clock. 2:03 a.m.

the door creaked open, leading you to the hall. there was a single light at the end, the sudden adjustment to the brightness made you squint your eyes. your steps were light as you nearly tiptoed through your house.

you slipped into the kitchen, the tile was cold against the pads of your feet. flicking the the light switch you turned on an overhanging light on the kitchen table, dull enough to keep your eyes from straining but illuminating enough to help you watch your step.

you opened the fridge and dragged out a jug of milk, the sudden weight tugging your arm down before you pulled it up on the counter. you poured yourself a cup before putting it in the microwave and setting the time for thirty seconds.

as the machine hummed, your gaze flickered to the window above the sink. you reached over and opened the blinds, pulling them up to see outside. the outside lights from your neighbor's house shined brightly and you could see the trees shaking with harsh wind against them.

before the microwave could go off you opened the door, preventing any loud beeps from alerting anybody to wake up. the cup was warm in your hands and steam rose from the milk, you took a small sip and let it run down your throat with a grimace. it wasn't calming or immediately effective as you had hoped, it just smelled bad.

you leaned over the sink again to peer out the window, looking up at the sky. it was gloomy, with storms clouds rolling in and covering the view of the moon. it was eerily quiet, standing there as you sipped on warm milk.

isaac didn't know how to be inconspicuous. from the other side of the house, you could hear his feet shuffling against a rug. his shoulder hit the wall and you raised your eyebrows in amusement, imagining the string of curses he let out as he recollected himself and dragged his feet into the kitchen. you smiled to yourself, pulling the cup to your lips.

as he approached, his eyes narrowed towards the microwave with one second left on the clock, and the jug of milk still on the counter. he dragged it off the counter and put it back in the fridge.

"i thought that was just a myth," he said, taking a few steps closer to you. "like, a placebo. parents telling their kids it'll work so they'll believe it and fall asleep."

"if it was a placebo, it won't work now that i know. so, thanks for that," you deadpanned. he mumbled an apology and wrapped his arms around your waist, bringing himself closer to your. you tilted your head and poured the rest of the milk in the sink, before setting the cup down. "s'fine. tasted like shit, anyway."

he started to smile, you could feel it against your shoulder blade. but he didn't say anything else.

"you shouldn't be up," you said, turning around to face him.

he lifted his head up, and you could finally see the lazy grin he kept on his face. his eyes were heavy with sleep, not fully awake, you knew he wanted to crawl back into your bedroom.

"i can't sleep without you."

a moment of silence passed between you, you looked to the floor and shrugged without saying anything. he knew the trouble you had with sleeping, it's why he started staying over more. it helped sometimes.

the pattern of rain hitting the window caught his attention, he glanced behind you. one of his hands fell from your waist, and he played with your fingers delicately. "what were you thinking about? i can still smell the anxiety."

"i don't know. tomorrow. the day after. the month after. all this... supernatural bullshit and how it's never going to end," you sighed dramatically, meeting his eyes again. "it feels like a lot sometimes."

"you're starting to sound like stiles, you know."

"is that bad?" you hummed, a playful smirk dawning your lips.

"i don't want to date stiles. i want to date y/n..." he tilted his head, and his tone changed. "derek told me a while ago, that in pack, burdens are shared, you know? all of us are in this together, and these aren't things that only you are responsible for or are even in control of... things are going to get messy, but you have me. you have the pack."

you weren't alone. the thought made you feel better, and a lazy smile ghosted your lips. "when did you become so wise, lahey?"

"i'm not, really. just regurgitating everything derek told me."

"it was a compliment, isaac. take it."

he chuckled, and took a step backwards. he still held your hand and tugged it along with him. "come back to bed."

a bolt of lightning from outside cast a flicker throughout the downstairs, followed by the roar of thunder as the storm became overhead. against all windows, the rain began to beat against it harder than before.

you nodded and pushed yourself away from the counter, following his footsteps as he head you up the stairs. as you passed the light switches you turned them off, casting a glance behind you like second nature to watch for any sudden movement in the dark.

once in your room he let go of your hand and shut the door behind you, before turning and crawling over your bed. you watched with a content smile as he childishly adjusted himself under the covers, before he gestured with open arms to join him.

his chest was warm and inviting, even through the material of his shirt. you laid against his side, his arm wrapping around you and resting on your back while his other hand was occupied with you interlocking your fingers.

isaac's heartbeat was slow and steady, while the rain quickly slapped against the windows. the rhythm began to slowly lull you into tiredness again. he gently rubbed up and down your back, breaking through your stiffness and relaxing you. every blink was longer than the last and you could feel yourself sink into his hold.

"things are going to get better, you know," he suddenly said, his voice was lower as he got more sleepy. he was fighting to stay awake. "and whatever we face next, we'll get through it."

"i hope so," you mumbled, and looked up at him.

you looked up at him, and his eyes were already on you. you couldn't help but become lost in your thoughts as you admired him. you couldn't be in a better place at that moment, everything was incredibly peaceful amidst the raging storm and the overwhelming supernatural presence. he kept you together.

gently, you separated your hands and pulled down his head to kiss him. it last a few seconds until you pulled away with a smile, seeing the lazy smirk on his face.

"i love you."

"i love you, too," isaac kissed your forehead, and you deflated against his chest again. "goodnight, y/n."

[towerofgod-blogposts]

#512. S3 Ch.95: 52F - A Dark Change (14)

Chapter | Blog | Reddit | 2021.11.14 | Translated by fallen-slayer

Naver Endnote: White seems to give a lot of xp each time... If we can improve through xp too, that’d be great. Thank you everyone for this week too. 

Hello. This is SIU. Once again, Monday. ^^ I'm writing up a post today like I always have. Yesterday I got my second vaccine shot. My body's not having any issues besides my arm being a bit stiff, but since I do live alone, I was slightly worried about side effects, so yesterday I worked outside where there's people. Perhaps because I took on a bit too much cold air from that, or perhaps because of the vaccine, I feel mentally out of it hehe. I feel tired without doing much.

This Nest Arc is... I think of this arc as... one where it progresses a little bit by bit for the sake of conflict with the main forces... Each wall has different enemies and different forces at play, and Baam needs to level up quicker, as the person who has to make that progression happen, this arc hurts my head, as well as make things difficult for me mentally and physically in a lot of ways. However, if I don't do this, I wonder if I will be able to cover the 10 Families or the Princesses of Zahard... so this is a difficult question.

Since Tower of God is about the team of a protagonist with very little power facing off those with great powers and growing from it, it doesn't really fit what you would call... recent trends. So I wanted to give opportunities for the main characters to become stronger than before. Of course, I do know I need to be careful with how I handle the situation... Anyway, this is a part I'm constantly thinking about.

Although it's cold these days, a lot of people are working hard outside. Today, I heard a thud at one point, and when I looked back, someone who was doing delivery on a motorcycle fell, and his foot got stuck under the motorcycle. I ran up to him and helped him get up, but motorcycles are so heavy... When he took off his helmet, he looked like he was someone much younger than my age, and I thought to myself he's working a tough job even throughout the weekend. Of course, drawing comics is not easy, and I've been doing it long enough even my body's breaking down, but I can't say for certain if I am working harder in life than anyone else in particular. So, umm... fighting, everyone. Fighting.

​My post ended up being a bit long today. Since it's getting cold, I hope you guys all dress warmly. Since I got the vaccine, I'll be turning in early today, and work hard tomorrow too.

​I hope you guys are all healthy and happy this week as well. I'll see you next week. Thank you _ _

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

[cryingcow]

Character Story - Daigo [RGGO]

This might be the longest Character Story I’ve done and man do my fingers feel it, but here’s Daigo! Now with GIFs, because I finally figured out how to use screencapture on my phone and I want to show how extra Majima’s sprite is XD (Thank you @onadacora​ and @blurred-voices​ for the request!)

Story: Kiryu leaves Daigo in charge of the Tojo Clan, but the people really don’t like nepotism, surprisingly. Majima returns to the clan but doesn’t listen to Daigo because he doesn’t have the required gym badge to tame him yet.

Bodhisattva Majima: “The Tojo Clan is pathetic! This is all Kiryu-chan’s fault for leaving!!”

Bonbon Boy Daigo: “Majima-san, I know you’re upset about your breakup, but please stop taking it out on our men D: ”

Note: “Bodhisattva” according to google means “a person who is able to reach nirvana but delays doing so out of compassion in order to save suffering beings” (so yeah Majima’s definitely full of shit). “Bonbon” refers to whiskey bonbon. EDIT: Apparently it’s slang for “rich spoiled brat”. (Yay new Daigo nickname!)

.

CHAPTER 1

.

|A few months after Kiryu Kazuma settled the score with Goda Ryuji and the Go-Ryu Clan, Dojima Daigo is recommended by Kiryu to be appointed as the Sixth Chairman of the Tojo Clan.|

Kiryu: “Then, I trust you to handle the rest . . .  Daigo.”

Daigo: “Yeah, please leave it to me.  . . . But . . . why me?”

Kiryu: “What do you mean?”

Daigo: “I think there are others more suitable than me. Such as Kashiwagi-san and Kiryu-san . . .”

Kiryu: “No, there’s no one else more suitable to be the Sixth Chairman than you. That’s what I think.”

Daigo: “More . . . than anyone?”

Kiryu: “Daigo, you are strong. You have the strength not to give in to violence or power. Now, with the Tojo Clan exhausted by the conflict against the Omi, we need a strong leader like you.”

Daigo: “A strong leader . . .”

Kiryu: “You will surely unite the Tojo Clan. I believe so.”

Daigo: “Kiryu-san . . .”

----

|After several months . . .|

Kodama: “That bastard Sasaki, invading our territory, what is the meaning of this?! Sixth Chairman!!”

Daigo: “. . . I don’t mean to leave it alone. I have repeatedly advised Sasaki to be careful.”

Kijima: “It’s not just Kodama, I’m affected too. Are you just going to let them do what they want?!”

Daigo: “. . . I’ll have a lot of words for Sasaki.”

Kodama: “Honestly, I don’t want to hear what you’re going to say. I’m sick of the Sixth Chairman.”

Daigo: “. . .”

Kijima: “You think this is all right? Sixth Chairman, do you even know what you’re saying? ‘The Sixth Chairman is a half-assed yakuza who lets the direct patriarchs do what they want’. That’s your reputation in the clan, right?”

Daigo: “What?”

Kashiwagi: “Kijima, watch your mouth.”

Kodama: “Kashiwagi-san. These are just facts. Even if you look away, it won’t solve the problem. Moreover, Kanda, who recently became the head of the Nishikiyama Family, is rumored to be planning something big.”

Kijima: “Haa~. None of this would be happening if the Fourth Chairman was still holding the seat.”

Daigo: “. . .”

---

Daigo: “Damn it! Nobody listens to what I have to say . . .”

Kashiwagi: “I’m here. The resistance is strong . . . even so, there is no courtesy to the Sixth Chairman.”

Daigo: “. . . but . . . what they are saying is also plausible.”

Kashiwagi: “Sixth Chairman, this isn’t solely your responsibility. There was also that incident with the Omi, and the clan is still in turmoil. The police are also keeping their distance from the Tojo, and the battle for territory is accelerating.”

Daigo: “Yeah. I can’t leave it as it is.”

Kashiwagi: “Jeez . . . that Kiryu left such a heavy role on you.”

Daigo: “Kashiwagi-san. For now, let’s talk to Sasaki again.”

----

Sasaki: “Sixth Chairman, even if you say that. I’m not doing anything wrong, am I? You just pay the money properly, make a contract, and buy the land, right?”

Daigo: “However, the land is Kodama Family territory. It doesn’t make sense to buy territory from your own relatives.”

Sasaki: “What reason. I’m not doing anything illegal, right? I even consulted with a lawyer.”

Daigo: “Even if you didn’t violate the law, you violated the code. I can’t forgive you for that.”

Sasaki: “Good grief, the person who was just a mere gangster the other day is now acting like he knows anything about being a yakuza. Didn’t the deceased Patriarch Dojima . . . no, didn’t your daddy give you a special education?”

Daigo: “What?”

Sasaki: “At this point in time, let me tell you . . . no one accepts you as the Sixth Chairman. Doesn’t have any experience or track record. Doesn’t have his own family. Aren’t you just recommended by the Fourth Chairman? On the contrary, until recently you were just a thug who drank a lot. Being fucked over by the Omi, getting captured, and after being released you play around with your parents’ money like a good-for-nothing boy?”

Daigo: “What was that?!”

Sasaki: “Is that who’s supposed to be the Sixth Chairman? How funny. You think anyone would agree to that? Hey, you . . . how much did you bribe the Fourth Chairman?”

Daigo: “Bastard!!”

Sasaki: “. . . That’s right. What are you going to do?!”

Daigo: “. . . if people don’t understand what you say, you need to change the way you say it.”

Sasaki: “Sixth Chairman. You think if you hit me in a fight, I’ll answer to you?!”

Daigo: “Yeah. If I can do it, then I’ll try it!”

{Daigo beats up Sasaki.}

Daigo: “Who are you calling a boy? Huh?!”

Sasaki: “Gyaah!!”

{Sasaki collapses.}

Daigo: “Haa . . . haa . . . haa . . .”

Kashiwagi: “Daigo! What happened?”

Daigo: “. . .”

Kashiwagi: “Is this . . . Sasaki? Daigo, you . . . no way . . .”

Daigo: “If people don’t understand what you say, you need to change the way you say it.  . . . Kashiwagi-san.”

Kashiwagi: “. . . Sixth Chairman. Is this what Kiryu expected of you?”

Daigo: “Eh?”

Kashiwagi: “Anyone can rule by force if they’re strong enough. But is this what Kiryu wanted you to do?”

Daigo: “That is . . .”

Kashiwagi: “I know suddenly being thrust into this role is confusing. But still . . . don’t lose sight of what you have to do as chairman.”

Daigo: “. . . Yeah. I already know that.”

Daigo: “. . .”

---

|After a few weeks . . .|

Kashiwagi: “. . . Sixth Chairman. There’s been talk.”

Daigo: “Talk? Of what?”

Kashiwagi: “Yeah it’s . . . should I call it good news, or should I call it bad news. Actually . . .”

Majima: “. . . I’m tired of waiting! How long I’ve waited!”

Daigo: “Ma-Majima-san?!”

Majima: “Daigo-chaa~n! Great to see ya!”

Daigo: “Kashiwagi-san, is this what you were saying earlier?”

Kashiwagi: “Yeah. the Majima Family will return to the Tojo Clan. It seems that Kiryu persuaded him. He wants him to support you.”

Daigo: “Kiryu-san? For me?”

Majima: “So, I’ll be taking care of ya from now on.”

Kashiwagi: “. . . Majima. I ask that you moderate your behavior.”

Majima: “Oh, leave it to me. With a bodhisattva-like heart, I support Daigo-chan.”

Daigo: Yes! If Majima-san returns, that would be reassuring! With this, the Tojo Clan . . . I think it will finally come together.”

Majima: “. . .”

Daigo: (Alright. From now on, let’s brace ourselves!)

.

-END-

.

CHAPTER 2

 .

Yakuza: “B-Bastard . . . What’re you doing?”

Majima: “You . . . I heard it. You’re dissatisfied with Daigo-chan’s manner of doing things. It sounds like something is being planned behind the scenes. Are you staging a coup d’état?”

Yakuza: “Wh-What the hell are you talking about?! Guh!!”

Majima: “Get up. I’m not through with ya yet.”

Yakuza: Hiii! No more!!”

Majima: “The Tojo Clan has become weak. If Kiryu-chan was still here . . . It wouldn’t be such a mess!!”

Yakuza: “Gyaaa!!”

----

Daigo: “What was that?! Majima-san again?!”

Kashiwagi: “Yeah. This is the 19th incident this month.”

Daigo: “Damn it. Why is he doing this?”

Kashiwagi: “It seems he is rampaging as much as he likes against those under suspicion of rebellion against you. With or without evidence, if he has judged you to have the will of rebellion against the Sixth Chairman, he will give you no mercy . . . Thanks to that, the number of voices dissatisfied with the Sixth Chairman is only increasing.”

Daigo: “. . . Majima-san, this is counterproductive . . .”

Kashiwagi: "That man is the kind of guy whose leash you couldn’t even hold in the first place. That Kiryu, bringing back such an outrageous problem child . . .”

Daigo: “It can’t be helped. I’ll have a word with him . . .”

----

Majima: “Daigo-chan, what’re ya talking about?”

Daigo: “Majima-san, I heard you’ve been rampaging around Kamurocho.”

Majima: “Kiryu-chan told me to. Hit the guy who opposes Daigo-chan from one end. That was what Kiryu-chan endorsed.”

Daigo: “Kiryu-san said that?”

Majima: “That’s the truth. I don’t know what to tell ya: if an idiot strikes, the owner will bite back to discipline him. With a dog.”

Daigo: “Th-that may be so . . . but what you’re doing is overkill.”

Majima: “. . . Haa. Daigo-chan, you’re an amateur.”

Daigo: “. . . Majima-san. Thank you for doing this for me and the clan. However, because of your rampaging, the Tojo Clan is plunged into more and more chaos. That is . . .”

Majima: “Daigo-chan! There seems to be a misunderstanding, so let me clear it up.”

Majima: “I don’t want to do this for the Tojo Clan and Daigo-chan.”

Daigo: “Then . . . are you doing this because of Kiryu-san?”

Majima: That ain’t it.  . . . It’s because . . . I want to rampage.”

Daigo: “Eh?”

Majima: “Kiryu-chan asked me to do it for Daigo-chan, it’s just for the cause!”

Daigo: “Wha-”

Majima: “Besides, the only one who can order me around is someone who is stronger than me! But Daigo-chan . . . you’re weak. I met ya the other day and it was easy to see at first glance.”

Daigo: “W-Weak?”

Majima: “Hopeless. I won’t listen to someone that weak. Y’know, that kind of thing!”

Daigo: (What . . . such an absurd person . . .)

----

Kashiwagi: “Really. Majima did that . . .”

Daigo: “Yeah. I’m in trouble.”

Kashiwagi: “. . . But, Sixth Chairman. Are you in a position to criticize Majima?”

Daigo: “Eh?”

Kashiwagi: “The other day, you too tried to make Sasaki obey with violence.”

Daigo: “!”

Kashiwagi: “What Majima is doing and what you did are essentially the same. The result is the current turmoil.”

Daigo: “. . .”

Daigo: “. . . Kashiwagi-san. How would Kiryu-san deal with this?”

Kashiwagi: “If it was Kiryu? No . . . I think the problem here is, ‘What would you do?’”

Daigo: “Me?”

Kashiwagi: “Yeah. There must be a reason why Kiryu is willing to entrust the Tojo Clan to you. In that case, it shouldn’t be about what Majima or Kiryu will do . . . but rather what will you do?”

Daigo: “. . . so it should be by my method?”

Kashiwagi: “Yeah. Just think it over.”

Daigo: “Okay . . .”

----

Daigo: (My method . . . In terms of achievements and popularity in the Tojo Clan, I can’t hope to match Kiryu-san. Majima-san’s way of domination through violence, that’s not my way . . . Then Kiryu-san, what were you expecting from me?)

Driver: “Uooooo!”

{The driver swerves wildly.}

Daigo: “Oi! What?!”

{A hail of bullets rings out.}

Daigo: “What?! A shootout?!”

Thug: “Dojima Daigo!! Come out!”

Daigo’s Bodyguard: “What the hell are you doing?!”

Thug: “You guys, do it!!”

Daigo’s Bodyguard: “Kuh . . . this many people . . .”

Thug: “You’re annoying!! Now die!!”

{the thugs beat up the bodyguard.}

Daigo’s Bodyguard: “Damn. . .”

Thug: “Hahahahahahaha!! Die!!”

Daigo: “Oi!! Stop it!! Aren’t I the one you want?!”

Daigo’s Bodyguard: “Sixth Chairman . . . please run away . . .”

Daigo: “No. I can’t. If I run away, you guys . . .”

Daigo’s Bodyguard: “B-But . . .”

Thug: “Hehehe. Don’t count on it. There are 30 people here. The load is too heavy for the Bonbon Boy!!”

{Daigo defeats all 30 men.}

Thug: “S-So strong . . .they didn’t say . . .”

Daigo: “You thought a chairman who sits at his desk all day and only does clerical work couldn’t fight? You guys . . . who hired you?”

Thug: “Damn . . .”

Daigo: “Answer me!!”

Thug: “. . . To-Tojo Clan.”

Daigo: “What? Oi!! Which family was it?”

Thug: “Come on! I don’t know! He seemed to be from a family at the lower end, but he didn’t give a name!! We were just given money by him and were told to kill you!!”

Daigo: (Shit. Who the hell could it be?)

---

|A few days later . . .|

Daigo: (The other day’s attack. The assailants didn’t seem to know anything . . . The person who hired them. If I think about it . . . it must be someone who has a deep grudge against me. Sasaki . . . he was still complaining about me after that, but could it really be him?)

Kashiwagi: “Daigo! It’s terrible! There’s an attack! Sasaki’s office is being attacked!”

Daigo: “Attacked?! By who?”

Kashiwagi: “. . . Majima. It seems he called up his family and headed to Sasaki’s office.”

Daigo: “What was that?!”

Kashiwagi: “Majima thinks Sasaki is the culprit who had you ambushed, said he was going to execute him.”

Daigo: “E-Execute?”

Kashiwagi: “Sixth Chairman. We can’t forgive Majima’s violence anymore. Isn’t that right?”

Daigo: “Y-Yes!! Let’s head to Majima-san right away!”

Kashiwagi: “. . .Yeah!”

.

-END-

.

CHAPTER 3

 .

Daigo: “Majima-san!!”

Sasaki: “U-Ugh . . .”

Majima: “Oh, Daigo-chan. Yeah, I came here too. This guy spilled everything. He said he had Daigo-chan attacked.”

Daigo: “You?”

Majima: “Rebellion against the chairman won’t be forgiven. You’ll be executed.”

Daigo: “Majima-san, stop it!!”

Majima: “Stop? Why? Didn’t this guy try to kill Daigo-chan?”

Sasaki: “D-Don’t kill me . . .”

Daigo: (Th-This method . . .)

Daigo: “. . . Majima-san! This method of making a mark is wrong!”

Majima: “. . . Haa. Don’t say something so boring. Besides, didn’t I say so the other day? The only ones who can order me around are those stronger than me. Is Daigo-chan stronger than me?”

Daigo: “. . . Th-that is . . .”

Majima: “Or . . . can ya prove it? That Daigo-chan is stronger than me.”

Daigo: “Eh?”

Majima: “Since you’re silent, I guess that means I don’t have to do what you say . . .”

Daigo: “Prove . . .”

Majima: “If ya can’t do it, then don’t do it. Let me do things my own way!!”

Daigo: “W-Wait!!”

Kashiwagi: “Daigo. Majima is provoking you. If you hop on . . .”

Daigo: “I know that. But . . . if I pull back now . . .”

Majima: “What are you going to do? To stop this guy from getting killed, are ya gonna prove you’re stronger than me?”

Daigo: “. . . . . . . . . Understood. Let’s fight, to bargain for his life.”

Majima: “Oh! So you’ll do it?!”

Daigo: “Yeah. And . . . if I beat you, please swear your loyalty to me.”

Majima: “What? That’s a hefty condition. Well, in that case . . . If I win, I get the Tojo Clan. I’ll be the next chairman.”

Daigo: “What!”

Kashiwagi: “O-Oi! That’s . . .”

Majima: “If ya can’t meet those conditions, then this discussion is over. Let Sasaki die.”

Sasaki: “H-Hiii~~!!”

Daigo: “. . . Alright. Let’s drink to your conditions.”

Majima: “Kukuku. Yeah. We’ll have to do that, Daigo-chan.”

Kashiwagi: “Daigo . . . ! This method . . .”

Daigo: “Pardon me, Kashiwagi-san. But this is the only way . . .”

Majima: “. . . Really. I should change the location. The best stage for the best event is . . . I’ll contact ya in a moment, so please wait. The pickup will come soon.”

Daigo: “. . .”

----

Daigo: “Here?”

Audience: “Wow!!”

Ring Announcer: “L a d i e s   a n d   G e n t l e m e n ! ! We suddenly have a special match tonight! Tojo Clan’s Sixth Chairman, Dojima Daigo VS  the patriarch of the Majima Family directly under the Tojo Clan and the Mad Dog of Shimano, Majima Goro! The battle for the chairmanship is about to begin!!”

Audience: “Oh~~~~~~!”

Daigo: “Wh-What is this . . .?”

Majima: “A special match. Isn’t it more exciting to do it this way?”

Daigo: “Heh. How like you . . .”

Majima: “Time to say goodbye, Daigo-chan!!”

{Daigo and Majima fight in the ring, presumably shirts off. Daigo . . . very much does not win.}

Daigo: (Damn . . . of course . . . he’s incredibly . . . strong . . .)

Majima: “After all that, Daigo-chan, it wasn’t enough. this is how it turns out.”

Daigo: “No, not yet!”

Majima: “Hmph. Let go.”

{Majima kicks Daigo.}

Daigo: “Guh!! Damn it!”

Majima: “Can’t be. I shouldn’t hit ya that way. It’s too full of holes!!”

{Majima kicks Daigo again.}

Daigo: “Gah! Guwaaaaaa!!”

Ring Announcer: “Oops, Dojima Daigo is  d o w n !”

Majima: “This is the end!! Uoryaaaaaaaaa!!”

{Majima kneedrops Daigo in the head.}

Daigo: “~~Gah!!!!”

Ring Announcer: “The Mad Dog of Shimano’s ruthless kneedrop downed Dojima Daigo with a direct hit to the skull!!”

Daigo: (No . . . I can’t beat . . . this person . . .)

Majima: “It’s over, Daigo-chan. The Tojo Clan is mine.”

Daigo: “. . .”

Kiryu: “Daigo, you are strong. You have the strength not to give in to violence or power. Now, with the Tojo Clan exhausted by the conflict against the Omi, we need a strong leader like you.”

Daigo: “A strong leader . . .”

Kiryu: “You will surely unite the Tojo Clan. I believe so.”

 Daigo: (. . . I see. So that’s what you meant, Kiryu-san.  . . . Strength is not just about power. The strength of Kiryu-san that I admired . . . is so much more than that!!)

Majima: “Wh-What?!”

Daigo: “. . . Haa . . . Haa . . . Majima-san, it’s still . . . it’s still not over yet!!”

Majima: “Hn. Ya talk big. Uooryaaaaaaaaa!!”

Daigo: “Guh!!”

Majima: “Good . . . now stay down, Daigo-chan!!”

Daigo: “No, I can’t lose. I can’t afford to lose!”

Majima: “Wh-What are you doing? Are you really going this far for the Tojo Clan and Sasaki?!”

Daigo: “. . . Majima-san, I finally understand now. What Kiryu-san expected from me and entrusted to me.”

Majima: “Wh-What?”

Daigo: “I will not give in to violence, because there is something to protect. But. If I succumb to you here, I would be recognizing that violence rules. I can’t admit that . . . so I can’t back down!!”

Majima: “!! . . . Hopeless. Daigo-chan, you . . . Being great . . . it’s hard. Meeting Kiryu-chan’s expectations.”

Daigo: “?”

{Majima falls to the ground.}

Ring Announcer: “Wh-What the hell is this?! Majima has fallen?!”

Daigo: “!”

Majima: “I lost. I’ve been completely defeated. Daigo-chan has crushed me.”

Ring Announcer: “Th-This is . . . the Mad Dog of Shimano has been torn downnnnn!! A miraculous reversal by Dojima Daigoooo!!”

{The crowd cheers.}

Daigo: “Majima-san, you promised. From now on, follow me. Okay?”

Majima: “. . . Yeah. Do whatever ya want with me. I entrust my life to Daigo-chan. Really, you’re a great man, Daigo-chan. It’s your win.”

{The crowd goes wild.}

----

|A few weeks later. . .|

Tojo Clan Member A: “Hey, have you heard the rumor? It’s said that the chairman disciplined a rampaging Majima with an iron fist.”

Tojo Clan Member B: “Ah, really? I can’t believe it.”

Tojo Clan Member A: “But lately, the Majima Family patriarch has been listening to the Sixth Chairman, and quietly does as he is told.”

Tojo Clan Member B: “No way, the Mad Dog of Shimano deferring to that boy?”

Majima’s voice: “Who is this ‘boy’?”

Tojo Clan Member B: “P-Patriarch Majima . . .”

Majima: “As long as my eyes are black, rebellion against the Sixth Chairman won’t be forgiven!!”

Tojo Clan Member B: “Hiii. I’ll be careful!”

Majima: “Hmph. Just rumors, at most.”

----

Sasaki: “I’m really sorry!! For me . . . to do such a thing . . .”

Daigo: “It wasn’t for you. I did what I should as the chairman.”

Sasaki: “But my betrayal this time can’t be forgiven! I will atone here as a yakuza!!”

Daigo: “Can you even use your fingers? I don’t need you to do such a thing.”

Sasaki: “But . . . !!”

Daigo: “With the Tojo Clan exhausted after the conflict with the Omi, we need as many people as possible. We do not allow acts that will impair it. Work frantically if you want the chance to remove your finger.”

Sasaki: “S-Sixth Chairman . . .”

Kashiwagi: “Everything worked out as you expected.  . . . Majima.”

Majima: “Whatcha mean?”

Kashiwagi: “The Mad Dog of Shimano that rampages as he likes, obeys when the Sixth Chairman punishes him . . . For the newly appointed Daigo who has no backing yet, that legend will become his strongest backing in leading the Tojo Clan. In preparation of that, didn’t you rampage around just so you can challenge Daigo to a one-on-one battle?”

Majima: “. . . You’re overthinking it. I just do what I want to do and I did it.”

Kashiwagi: “Hmph. So you did.”

Majima: “I was convinced and have accepted him as the Sixth Chairman. That guy is worthy to lead the Tojo Clan.  . . . Daigo-chan is real. More of a worthy man than I thought.”

Kashiwagi: “. . . Yeah. Maybe Kiryu had seen Daigo’s worth . . .”

Daigo: (The rebuilding of the Tojo Clan is just getting started.  . . . Kiryu-san, please watch. The future of the Tojo Clan that you protected, I will take over and show you.)

.

-END-

Masterlist

[saffronwritings]

C L U M S Y | S H I N S O U - P.2

S H I N S O U | P A R T  T W O 

[Part One]

C L U M Y  M A S T E R L I S T

Word Count: 3.7k

A/N: As of 4/22/21 I have updated the first part of this series for Shinsou, I made some adjustments as I noticed some bigger plot holes. Please go give that a read if you read the first part already before. 

Shinsou had severely underestimated how hard Aizawa was going to be training him. Everyday it seemed like his body found new places to hurt and joints he didn’t know existed ached. After being pinned to the training mat once again, Shinsou let out a defeated sigh. “Get up.” Aizawa commanded him after releasing the hold he had on him, moving away from the defeated student. “You are never going to get better if you don’t train yourself at your fullest potential.” Aizawa spat at him harshly. “You won’t be able to protect citizens, colleagues, or even your loved ones if you just take the brunt force and never get back up.” 

Shinsou laid there a moment more, thinking over his words. Shinsou didn’t really have friends, all besides that annoying blonde buzzing idiot in class 1A. They were mere acquaintances and Shinsou barely paid him any mind, however, the boy was surely convinced he was friends with Shinsou. That, and Shinsou didn’t really mind his presence all that much. After the sports festival, it seemed that Kaminari was determined to befriend Shinsou. Sitting with him during lunch period, finding him and bothering him while walking back to Heights Alliance after school. Eventually Shinsou caved and gave the energetic boy his number and he practically texted him every day. Being stupid memes or asking for help when mid-terms had come around.  

When it came to family, he didn’t really rely on much from his deadbeat father and his emotionally distant mother. Even though he wanted nothing more to become a hero, did he even have the drive to save people he didn’t care about? That’s when his one and only motivator popped into his head. You. Through every hardship, every bully that had taunted him for his quirk, when he was put into the general studies class, even when he lost at the sports festival. You had always been there for him, and he would be damned to let you down. 

Aizawa felt the shift in energy when Shinsou had risen from the matt. The boy looked beaten to hell and probably felt even worse. However, he got in the stance that Aizawa had taught him and readied himself for impact. “Are you sure you want to continue?” Aizawa asked with squinted eyes. It had only been a week, but Aizawa could tell the boy was getting worn down. He was not used to this kind of training, being a part of the general studies course. The boy had been done wrong when he had not been put in either Hero course, however, with his lack of drive up until recently, the boy had not put in any extra training himself. 

“I’m more than sure.” He rasped out, his breathing uneasy but for once, his eyes filled with determination. “Let’s continue then.”

. . .

Aizawa had been summoned to this staff meeting by principal Nezu, along with a few of the other teachers that made up the staff of UA. He had sat himself next to Present Mic, even though he knew the repercussions of potentially sitting next to him. “How’s it hanging, Eraser Head?” The loud blonde shouted, gaining the attention of the rest of the faculty in the room. “Shut up, Mic.” He answered, rubbing his temples from the oncoming headache he felt building. Though, he really picked the only seat that wouldn’t drive him absolutely mad. There was an empty seat next to Midnight, and one next to Almight. He had to choose his battle of whether to be annoyed by Almight or Mic and the choice was easy.

Finally after what felt like a dragging twenty minutes, Principal Nezu had entered the room and the staff had quieted down. “Good afternoon, I am glad that all of you have joined me today. This meeting is about the potential moving of students from their current classes to either one of the hero courses.” Nezu stated, making Aizawa sigh in defeat. Great, another student for him to have to look after potentially. Didn’t he have to deal with enough with the troublesome class he already had? From villain attacks, to one of his students being kidnapped, it felt like Aizawa could not catch a break.

If he were lucky enough, the students would be advised to join Sekijiro’s class and leave Aizawa to just tend to the students he had. “However, as we know, most of the general studies students usually don’t get the hero training they need. So we need volunteers to mentor these select students and if their training proves their abilities to join one of the hero courses, we will place them in either class.” Nezu continued. There was no way that Aizawa was going to take on a mentor. He was already swamped with teaching his own class, having to watch over 1-A’s dorms over in Heights Alliance. Just the thought of taking on more work made Aizawa yawn. 

Thankfully, throughout the slideshow that was presented on a projector, most of the students were taken on by other staff members. None had really caught Aizawa’s attention or really stood out to him. That is, until Shinsou Hitoshi had appeared on the screen. “The boy with the brain-washing quirk?” He overheard the other teachers whispering. He remembered him going against Midoriya in the sport festival and how much he had improved after. He trained minimally with his other classmates in the general studies class. Aizawa had kept his eye out for the boy. Not just from seeing him fight his own students in the sports festival, but also because if he was right, this was the boy that his own daughter was dating.

Aizawa quickly took out his phone and scrolled through him and his daughter’s messages. After scrolling through their many messages, he found the picture he was looking for. A picture of her and the boy sitting together in a grassy field, her smiling and him with a blank expression and a peace sign. He looked back and forth from the picture and the one on the overhead projector. That was definitely the boy that was seeing his dear daughter. Aizawa didn’t hear a word that Nezu was saying about the student. However, when Nezu asked if there were any available teachers willing to train the boy, the room was quiet. 

That was, until Aizawa pushed his chair out with a dejected sigh and stood up with his hand raised. This made the other teachers stop talking and turn towards him. “I’ll take him on.” Aizawa said in a very even monotone. This was definitely a conflict of interest and if Nezu ever found out, then he would definitely be in a lot of trouble. However, if there was going to be anyone to train the boy who was seeing his daughter, it was going to be him. Making sure he was strong enough to always defend her. 

“Are you sure, Mr. Aizawa? I know you are already preoccupied with your teachings of class 1A and watching over their dorms.” Nezu asked with an eyebrow quirked at him. “I’ve seen his potential. He needs a strict teacher to help him really use his quirk to its best extent. Plus, I could use a good mentoring session after having to deal with all the brats in 1-A.” Aizawa yawned, before sitting back down. Principal Nezu nodded his head in agreement. “Alright then! Mr. Aizawa will be mentoring young Shinsou Hitoshi. We have one more student left I’d like the remaining staff to take into consideration.” Nezu continued on.

Although, he knew that the staff room was still in shock that Aizawa had taken on a mentoring position. It had been a long time since Aizawa had taken on a mentor if he had at all. He couldn’t remember if he had. “Okay, who are you and what have you done with Shouta Aizawa?” Present Mic whispered to him. “What are you babbling on about?” Aizawa asked in an annoyed tone. “I don’t think you have ever taken on a mentor. You always deny taking on any student since you see it as a waste of time.” Hizashi pushed, raising his eyebrow at the tired Aizawa. “Maybe it’s time to shake things up.” Aizawa said with a tone of sarcasm in his voice.

Except he was anything but joking. Hizashi wasn’t as dumb as he let on, and he knew Aizawa better than anyone in the room. He would later confront the tired teacher about the risks of taking on Shinsou as his mentor. However, Aizawa already knew these repercussions and even though his decision was hasty, he was set on his decision. The easiest part about hiding the fact that he was mentoring his daughter’s boyfriend, was the fact that he and his daughter did not share the same last name. 

That and his daughter seemed to avoid telling people about him. It didn’t hurt him, he almost preferred it to be that way. Being a well-known Pro-Hero he always worried about the safety of his daughter. He was afraid of people using her to get close enough to hurt not only her, but him as well. He never wanted his fame to sway his daughter’s friendships or future relationships. He had joked about meeting this boyfriend of hers but at the same time, he was glad that she was taking her time with it. 

Hizashi had once again warned Shota about how it could not only interfere with his teaching, but his relationship with his daughter. He knew his daughter would understand if he told her he was only training him to make him stronger for her. To have him be able to protect her in a way that Aizawa couldn’t. If it had ever become a subject of debate for them later, he would explain himself to her. He knew his relationship with his daughter was strong. However, he too worried that maybe this would eventually affect his relationship with her. 

…

It had been a few weeks since the last time you had seen Hitoshi in person. You were happily cheering for him on the sidelines, but you were also missing him. The both of you knew that this wasn’t going to be an easy process for either of you. It felt like the relationship was growing very one sided to you, with the very little interaction he was giving you. The few texts that you received from the tired boy were good morning and good night texts, and occasionally asking you how school was going. You also didn’t want to be overly clingy and blow his phone up when you knew he was working hard. He had offhandedly mentioned how his training had been very intense and that he felt pain in joints he didn’t know existed.

You always encouraged him to take baths to help ease the pain he was feeling, or to make sure he was stretching properly. He made sure to let you know that he was doing everything properly, it was just a lot more work than he was used to. “I have a complete disadvantage of being so behind on both hero courses. My teacher is doing his best to make sure I’m prepared for when I get tested to potentially join one of the hero classes. It’s just tiring is all, but I promise you, I’m doing my best for both of us.” He had told you during one of your now rare video calls after his training. 

Shinsou had known that he wasn’t being very active in chatting with you, and it tore him up inside, but he had to keep his focus on what he wanted. He wanted nothing more than to become a hero. The two of you had scheduled to see each other after school when you were both free. You sat patiently at the park you two had always met at. Swinging your feet anxiously on the bench, almost bouncing in excitement to see Hitoshi. You checked your phone for the time, noting that it was 3:15 p.m. and that you had been a bit early. 

[3:15 p.m.] y/n: Hey Toshi! I’m in our usual meeting spot! I can’t wait to see you today :)

You quickly shot him the text, smiling like a dork to yourself. However, when a half an hour had passed and you hadn’t even heard from Hitoshi, you began to worry. A frown settled itself onto your face as you pulled up his contact information. You hit the call button and you were quickly sent to voicemail. You left a quick voicemail, saying you were just worried since he hadn’t texted you. You also decided to shoot him a text.

[3:45 p.m.] y/n: is everything okay?

You felt anxious with him leaving you by yourself at the park like this. He had always made sure to go straight from the UA campus to the park nearby to meet you. He hated leaving you by yourself with so much villainous activities going on as of lately, especially with the league of villains.

[4:05 p.m.] y/n: Toshi?

[4:30 p.m.] y/n: I’m heading to the train station, I don’t want to get stuck out in the dark. 

You stared at your phone in disbelief that your boyfriend had stood you up as you tried one more time to reach Hitoshi, but once again you were sent to his voicemail. You didn’t bother leaving a voicemail this time and headed towards the train station. On the ride home from the park you couldn’t help but let a few tears escape, because you were extremely disappointed that even though the two of you had made plans, he had wound up standing you up.

When you arrived home, you went straight up to your room, not saying anything to your mother. You flopped on the bed and let the tears you were holding in out. This was a lot harder than you had originally anticipated, but you never thought he would ever stand you up. You sobbed into your pillow, feeling the hurt in your chest from being so let down by the boy you loved. Even though you know he would never do it on purpose, it didn’t make the sting hurt less. 

You had fallen asleep shortly after letting your emotions out, skipping out on dinner. You were woken up by the sound of your phone vibrating loudly. Snapping out of your sleep-like state, you had hoped that it was Hitoshi, but a frown spread across your lips when you saw it was your dad. Sighing, you sat up and declined the call. 

[9:03 p.m.] Y/N: sorry dad, i’m not feeling good. I'll video call you tomorrow after school?

[9:05 p.m.] Dad: hey kiddo, just checking in on you. I will call you when I’m done with my meeting after school, sound good?

[9:07 p.m.] Y/N: sure thing :) love you!

[9:10 p.m.] Dad: love you too kid

You flopped back onto your bed with a sigh, feeling more tired than usual. You had assumed it had been from you crying earlier. However, before you could lull yourself back to sleep, you felt your phone vibrating again. 

[Incoming call: Hitoshi Shinsou]

You quickly hit the accept button and held the phone up to your ear. “Are you not in the mood to video chat?” Was the first thing out of Hitoshi’s mouth when you answered the phone. “I could do better without the attitude, Hitoshi.” You snapped back at him, anger forming in your chest. “I was calling to say goodnight, but if you’re going to yell at me then I guess I’ll just hang up.” His reply left you in shock. “What on earth is going on with you, ‘Toshi? First you completely blow me off today, you didn’t answer my calls or text messages, but when you call, it’s all attitude?” You finally snap, letting all the bottled up emotions you had been feeling today go.

“I got held up with my training-” Hitoshi started to say before you cut him off with a scoff. “Why am I not surprised.” You bitterly stated, trying to not let yourself cry again. You had been blatantly ignored for almost a whole month because of his training. “I’m trying my best here, Y/N.” He had said with what sounded like a frustrated tone. “Are you really? Because to me it feels completely one sided. I want to support you Hitoshi, and I’m trying so hard to keep it together!” You yelled, but before you could even continue he cut you off. “This doesn’t sound like you supporting me!” He yelled back. “You don’t know what it’s like to be pushed to your absolute limits day in and day out!” 

“I get that this is hard for you Hitoshi-” “No! You obviously don’t. I had a feeling this was going to happen and that you weren’t going to support me the whole way through. I need to do this, and if I have to do it alone, then so be it.” Shinsou had snapped, making you freeze in your thoughts. “You don’t mean that.” You whispered, letting the tears fall down your face. “I can’t be hung up on making you happy when I have goals to achieve. We’re done.” Were the last words you heard him speak before he hung up on you. You sat there, completely and utterly in shock with what happened. You clenched your chest, feeling as if someone was ripping your heart out. 

[9:15 p.m.] Y/N: You are such a selfish jerk, Shinsou.

[9:18 p.m.] Toshi: The destination number you are trying to reach is blocked from receiving this message. ## Error - 30004

…

Aizawa was already on high alert when you hadn’t answered his call the night before. You had always made time to chat with him, even on your worst days. For you to claim that you weren’t feeling good was an obvious lie that was making him feel on edge. His students could feel the difference in his attitude, as he was being much more stingy and strict than usual. His advice and criticism for his students was more harsh and louder. He tried to not let his personal life affect his work life, however, there was something that was bothering him about the whole situation. 

He had managed to trudge through the whole day, but was determined to call you before he went to train with Shinsou. He dismissed his students and they left the classroom rather quickly, making comments on their teacher’s odd behavior today. Aizawa had pinched the bridge of his nose and took in a few deep breaths before reaching for his cellphone. He had looked to see he had a missed call from you and immediately dialed your number back. 

“Hey kiddo, everything alright?” Aizawa asked as soon as you picked up the phone. “No.” You croaked out and immediately, Aizawa was on the defense. “Do I need to come pick you up from school?” He asked, ready to beat up any kid who had made you upset. “No. I’m just going through a lot of emotions today.” You told him, sniffling on your end of the phone. “Do you think we can do something together this weekend, if you aren’t working?” You asked sadly and he wanted nothing more than to drop everything he was doing to come to your aid. 

However, he knew if he had abandoned his post at the Heights Alliance dorms he would never hear the end of it from Nezu. “Of course, we can go see a movie if you’d like.” He offered to you, and even though he couldn’t see you, he knew you were nodding. “What’s going on kid, talk to me.” He tried to push you into telling him what was wrong. “You don’t have to, I just want you to know I’m here for you.” He continued, trying to make you feel more comfortable. 

Before you had responded to his question, Hizashi had opened his classroom door and was quickly met with a glare from Shota. “Your daughter?” Hizashi mouthed, nodding to the cellphone in his colleagues hand. Shota had nodded his head and turned his attention back to you. “Hitoshi and I got into a fight.” You started, making Shota stop breathing. “And I’m pretty sure he broke up with me last night over the phone.” You continued, sobbing into what he assumed was your hand. Hizashi had noticed the entire energy in the room shift. 

“Dad, I need you to promise me you won’t do anything. I’m sure he’s just stressed.” You spoke up when you noticed your father had gone silent. “Okay. I promise. Look I have to get to my meeting, but I promise to call you after, okay?” He asked, gritting his teeth. “Okay, I love you.” You choked out, making his heart hurt hearing you so upset. “I love you too, get home safe.” He said before hanging up the phone. Aizawa took a deep breath before storming past Hizashi and headed towards the gym he was training Shinsou at. “Shota, I think you need to take a breather.” Hizashi had tried to say, warning him about what he was about might have consequences. Aizawa was seeing red and there was nothing that was going to stop him from reaching his target.

He whipped the door open to the gym and startled Shinsou greatly. He turned around and saw Aizawa, but noticed immediately the fowl mood that his teacher was in. “Uh, is everything okay, Aizawa-sensei?” Shinsou spoke up, but from the look on his teacher’s face he was going to regret asking. “No. Everything is not okay, but that is no longer your concern. I am revoking your transfer offer and cancelling your entrance exam for the chance to join the hero course.” Aizawa spoke quickly and furiously. The color had drained from Shinsou’s face, his eyes widened in surprise. “Wait, what? But I’ve been working so hard!” Shinsou spoke up, obviously confused from the sudden remark his teacher made.

Aizawa had stalked over to Shinsou and backed him into a corner. “It doesn’t matter how hard you worked! If you think you can go and break my daughter’s heart without consequences then you are sorely mistaken. You are not the hero I thought you could be, especially for Y/N’s sake.” He yelled, making Shinsou stop breathing. Before Shinsou could make any plea to his teacher, Aizawa had walked out of the gym, leaving Shinsou completely shell-shocked. 

“What have I done…” 

(To be continued)

[Part Three]

[faeriefrolic]

Questions Tag

ty for tagging me @happy-lemon !! I tag anyone who wants to do this 💖

Why did you choose your url? 

My url used to be fairy-frolic. I wanted a sims-related name and fairy frolic is an interaction two fairies can do with each other in ts3! Over time I grew tired of the hypenated url and changed to faeriefrolic. The fae are my favorite lifestate in the sims and I have a fascination with them in general.

How long have you been on Tumblr?  I had a personal/aesthetics blog since around 2009-2010? I created a simblr around 2013 when I started playing ts3. Most of my older content was wiped during blog cleanses (rip the lattes, cookies, crystals...) I wish I kept my old posts, it would be nice to look back on them and reread old legacies tbh.

Do you have a queue tag?

I had one for my personal blog (mew queue) but I don’t currently use one.

Why did you start your blog in the first place? 

I was posting screenshots on my main blog, but my blog was mainly cottagecore/pastel aesthetics. Then I found out that tumblr had a sims community so I created a simblr!

Why did you choose your icon/pfp? 

It’s the fairy lifestate icon from ts3! I thought it was fitting ✨ 

Why did you choose your header? 

Because I am sleepy, sapphic, and a simmer

What’s your post with the most notes?

As of last month, this set of screenshots of Crystal and Leon. Leon is @shuckleberrysims OC and Crystal is mine (you might recognize them from the Rosewood story I was doing a few years ago, Crystal has changed quite a bit since then). They’re very dear to me and I play with them on the side along with some other ocs of ours.

How many mutuals do you have?

No idea, but I am thankful and happy to have them 🥰

How many followers do you have?

1952, kinda surprised since I was on hiatus for such a long time. Thank you all for following me !! 😭

How many people do you follow? 

427, I usually follow ts3 simblrs!

Have you ever made a shit post?

Shitposting was my brand back in 2016 

Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

I don’t think so??? If I did I certainly don’t remember it. I don’t really like conflict and I’m rather shy.

How do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

🤷‍♀️

Do you like tag games? I do!!! They’re lots of fun and it makes my day when I get tagged in one!

Do you like ask games?

Those are fun too 👀

Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous? To be honest, I’ve only recently come back to simblr so I’m not all caught up in the community yet! I have no idea. A few friends who were simblr famous around 2016 have retired their blogs and such too.

Do you have a crush on a mutual?  Anyone whose posts I’ve reblogged/liked/replied too, ily 

[tiramisiyu]

Sorry, the link I put in probably doesn’t work m. weibo. cn/detail/4608947896717694 you’ll have to get rid of the spaces in between because it won’t let me send a link

Oml this fic was great (link here for the original), thank you for sending it in! In this house we appreciate MC for handling the four guys when they're sniping at each other like elementary schoolers.

See below cut for translation!

Part 1

Given how they’ll spend two minutes having little arguments and three minutes having big arguments when holding meetings in the investigation team, you decided to do a little something to maintain the friendship between the team members, which wasn’t very deep to begin with.

“Cheng Cheng, if friends are fighting, where should they go to make their feelings go back to normal?” After all, Cheng Cheng had the most ideas. After work, rather than rushing home, you sat at Cheng Cheng’s seat, asking for her suggestions.

(Cheng Cheng is Kiki Bennet, for those who follow global server information.)

“It’s gotta be the amusement park for sure!” Cheng Cheng’s eyes shone. “There is nothing and no place more suited for nurturing relations than the amusement park!”

As if thinking, you lowered your head. You didn’t notice how the door of the office behind you opened, then closed.

Part 2

“Lawyer Zuo, do you have time this weekend?” After making up your mind, you knocked on Zuo Ran’s office door.

“I do. What’s the matter?” He stopped arranging his items, looking gently at you.

“I want to go to the amusement park, and was wondering if you’d be interested?”

Zuo Ran froze, then remembered the dialogue he’d just heard, then immediately thought that he didn’t seem to have had any conflicts with you recently, and being mean to you due to work was also unlikely… so where did he anger you?

“Lawyer Zuo?” Seeing him silent, you felt a little anxious. Sure enough, having Lawyer Zuo go to a place like an amusement park was too difficult.

“Ah, sure.” Regardless, might as well answer and then figure it out after – so Zuo Ran thought.

Part 3

“This weekend?” On the other end of the phone, Mo Yi was somewhat surprised that you would take the initiative to invite him, though his mouth curved up right after. “Of course I have time. I have time as long as it is your invitation.”

“Awesome, then I’ll see you at the amusement park entrance on the weekend!” Having achieved your target, you hung up in satisfaction.

Mo Yi has always been kind and rarely rejected your requests. Plus, to him, the amusement park was worthy of being called a location to nurture relations, and it might even let your relationship take a step forward.

Looking at the blooming roses on the windowsill with deep emotion, Mo Yi reached out and stroked the delicate petals – “You are always able to surprise me.”

Part 4

“What’s up, thinking of me?” As soon as the call was picked up, Lu Jinghe’s mischievous voice was transmitted into your ears.

“Yeah, I was wondering if you had time on the weekend, Young CEO Lu?” You rolled your eyes, then followed his words to bring up your request. “I want to go to the amusement park on the weekend. Young CEO Lu, want to come?”

“Don’t call me like a stranger, I like hearing jiejie call my name more.” He laughed quietly.

“Lu, Jing, He! Are you going or not?” Enunciating each syllable, you recited his name.

“Don’t be so ferocious.” Sounding pitiful, Lu Jinghe said, “I’m going, of course I’m going! It’s so rare for jiejie to ask me out yourself, so how could I miss out on this chance!”

Not wanting to bother with bickering with him, you huffed quietly. “See you on Sunday 10AM, Stellis Amusement Park entrance.”

Part 5

You felt a lot more confident when inviting Xia Yan – after all, you grew up together and had planned to go to the amusement park together after reminiscing on your childhoods. If he wasn’t working, he definitely wouldn’t refuse you.

“Go to the amusement park?” Xia Yan tilted his head, looking at the photo taken at the amusement park with you, 8 years ago. “Of course it’s fine, I haven’t been to the amusement park in so long anyways, and I’ve been pretty tired out from work recently… it would be nice to go and relax.”

I hope we can relax, you thought.

“So it’s a promise then, I’ll be waiting for you at the Stellis Amusement Park entrance on the weekend.” As you expected – when the amusement park was mentioned, Xia Yan would think of when you were little. Inviting him to the amusement park was a cinch.

You hung up, picked your clothes for the weekend and placed it on the clothes rack, cleaned yourself up, then fell into the world of dreams.

Part 6

“So, why are you here?” Lu Jinghe looked with a face full of hostility at Zuo Ran, who was sitting by the flowerbed, holding two cups of hot drinks.

“When Young CEO Lu comes with someone else to the amusement park, am I not allowed to come here with my partner on the weekend to relax?” Zuo Ran stared hard at him, then lowered his head to continue fiddling with his phone.

Seeing his smug look, Lu Jinghe laughed coldly. “Coincidentally, the one who asked me here today just happens to be your partner during work hours.”

“…” Zuo Ran’s hand on the phone stopped.

“I should have expected this. If she suddenly asked me out to the amusement park, it definitely couldn’t be a simple relaxation session.” Xia Yan walked over from the other side of the round flowerbed, looking coldly at the two.

“Looks like it’s not just us.” Lu Jinghe raised his eyebrows. “Looks like she set the time to 10 o’clock to wait for a certain someone to wake up.”

Dissatisfied with Lu Jinghe’s malicious speculation, Zuo Ran placed his phone into his pocket. “Based on what I know, the amusement park opens at 10.”

Lu Jinghe: “…”

“Morning.” Mo Yi, who was standing by, nodded at everyone in greeting. Zuo Ran turned around and raised the hot beverage: “Morning.”

Xia Yan turned his head, ignoring him: “Hmph.”

Lu Jinghe said disdainfully, “Yeah, you could consider it early if you’ve only woken for an hour.”

TL Note: “Morning” and “early” here use the same word in Chinese. 

As the atmosphere became stiffer and Mo Yi was seriously considering the possibility of lowering Lu Jinghe’s behavioral grading on his family education, you finally arrived at the amusement park entrance two minutes before 10.

“Sorry, sorry I came late. So everyone already got here.” Having overslept slightly, you jogged over, still panting.

“Slow down, drink some of this hot beverage.” Zuo Ran handed the hot beverage in front of you. “I didn’t know what you like to drink, so I ordered a cup of hot milk tea for you.”

“Thank you, Lawyer Zuo!” You smiled gratefully.

Mo Yi started to become different from usual again, speaking the most acidic words with the warmest expression: “One who acts so unaccountably solicitous...”

Xia Yan followed up immediately. “Must be hiding evil intentions! Watson, you’ve got to be careful of two-faced guys like that.”

Zuo Ran: “…”

You were about to speak when Lu Jinghe cut in, sounding slightly wronged, “Jiejie, I originally thought that this was going to be a sweet weekend with only us two. Why are the three of them also here?”

“What sweet weekend.” You shot him a look. “Today is our NXX investigation team’s team-building activity day, so of course the members of the team should be here.”

Zuo Ran, Mo Yi, Lu Jinghe, Xia Yan: “…”

Ignoring their strange expressions, you held up the tickets in your hands. “Let’s head into the amusement park!”

Part 7

You originally thought that after the slight displeasure of heading out, there would be happy memories. But who would’ve thought…

“No way, Zuo Ran, you’re too scared to get on the pendulum ride?” Lu Jinghe tried to hold in his laughter. “Hahaha, who would’ve thought that Zuo Ran, the great Lawyer Zuo, so ferocious in court, would be scared of the pendulum ride, hahahahaha…”

“Lu Jinghe!” You glared furiously at him.

“Sorry, sorry.” He blocked his mouth, but his trembling shoulders weren’t convincing at all. “I usually don’t laugh, unless if I really can’t hold it in.”

“Zuo Ran, that’s pretty sad.” Xia Yan spoke concisely, looking meaningfully at Zuo Ran.

“According to the country’s laws, defamation of others constitutes a crime and can result in a maximum of three years of imprisonment, detention, surveillance, or deprivation of political rights.” Unwilling to display weakness, Zuo Ran fired back.

“It’s very normal for people to fear things. No one can avoid this, Zuo Ran included.” Mo Yi pushed his glasses up.

“Dr. Mo gets it.” You released a breath – finally, there was a peacemaker.

Mo Yi followed up by speaking to you, “So, I hope you can strive to be with someone more ideal.”

You: “…”

“How about we check out the bumper cars? I remember that Lawyer Zuo’s driving skills are excellent!” Seeing that there were bumper cars not too far off, you made a suggestion.

“You all can head in. I will watch over your purse for you outside.” Mo Yi’s expression looked stiff for an instant, though it went back to normal quickly.

Xia Yan keenly noticed the abnormality in his complexion: “So it turns out that you’ve also got things you fear, Mo Yi.”

As if pointing something out, Lu Jinghe said, “After all, things like bumper cars really are hard to bear for older people.”

Looks like Lu Jinghe’s family education final assessment for this semester won’t be able to hit minimum standards.

Zuo Ran immediately emphasized his innocence. “My driving skills can be considered decent. If you want to go, I can go with you.”

As the situation became more and more off, you decided to simply head to the next amusement park attraction.

“How about the haunted house? I went with Xia Yan when we were little, and I went with Lawyer Zuo after for a team building activity for the law firm, and the murder story script I did with Mo Yi was pretty similar.” And Lu Jinghe…

A young, vigorous guy wouldn’t be scared of this, right?

“I’m not going.” Sure enough, Murphy’s Law strikes. If anything can go wrong, it will.

“What’s the matter, does the young CEO Lu fear ghosts?” Zuo Ran landed an attack first.

Mo Yi followed closely from behind. “Who would have thought that the 1.88 metre Lu Jinghe, the young CEO Lu, would also have things he fears?”

“You really can’t go on by simply growing taller without growing brains.” Xia Yan sniped in last.

Lu Jinghe shrugged. “Being scared of ghosts isn’t a big deal. Any normal person would be scared of them. Are you all really not scared of them?”

Silence. Dead silence.

Lu Jinghe: “… Pretend I said nothing.”

You smiled, relieving this strange atmosphere. “It’s fine, everyone has things they’re not good at. Let’s head to another attraction.”

“How about we head to the pirate ship?” Lu Jinghe pointed to the nearby pirate ship. “There’s also a pirate-themed restaurant beside it, and we can head over to eat in a bit.”

“How about… we change to another one?” You pursed your lips. Was it because you didn’t check the Chinese almanac before heading out today, or was it that these four just naturally run into issues?

“Jiejie, are you scared of this one?” Lu Jinghe smiled mischievously.

You said nothing, turning around to look at Xia Yan.

Xia Yan: “…”

Smiling, Mo Yi said, “So it turns out that the great Detective Xia isn’t great with the pirate ship.”

“Even special agents have things they’re not great with?” Zuo Ran flicked a casual glance to the pirate ship, from which screams kept coming from.

Stiffening his neck, Xia Yan shot back, “Special agents are people too, so of course there are things we’re not great at!”

“Alright alright, it’s getting late, so how about we go eat?” Playing the mediator, you said, “I know that there’s an elf-themed restaurant nearby; it’s a little like the ones on Skadi Island from before.”

“Alright, I’ll listen to you. Jiejie, I’ll cover the bill for your lunch. The rest of them can pay for themselves.” Lu Jinghe winked at you.

Zuo Ran said resolutely, “Lu Jinghe, as Pax is the largest investor in Stellis Amusement Park, I thought that you would be able to take on our four lunches as the acting CEO.”

Xia Yan nodded in agreement. “After all, between all of us, you’re the only one decked out in gold and silver – you pretty much look the most suitable for a kidnapping.”

Seeing the situation get more and more unfavourable, Lu Jinghe turned towards Mo Yi who was watching them argue with interest. “As the family teacher, shouldn’t you say something to preserve your student’s interests?”

Mo Yi smiled. “I also believe that this is an excellent opportunity for you to display your respect for your teacher.”

Young CEO Lu: “???”

“…” You helplessly held your forehead. Sure enough, when these guys are together, their ages when summed up do not exceed 12.

Ignoring the immature brats arguing behind you, you walked towards the elf restaurant, facing the sky helplessly as you sighed about the usefulness of Cheng Cheng’s suggestion. The NXX today was as harmonious as usual.

[collecting-stories]

Love’s a Waste - JJ (Outer Banks)

Request: can you please do a jj x reader story where they've been dating for a while but have a really bad fight over something but in the end the make up? I love your stories btw :)

Request: Hey! I was wondering if I could request something with JJ where you are crying after a fight with him and you’re like “I don’t even remember why I’m crying but I can’t stop” and he comes back to apologize? Thanks!

A/N: I listened to Sody’s ‘Love’s a Waste’ while I wrote this. Also was mildly inspired by one of my favorite musical theatre lines from the play The Last Five Years which is: “I swear to god I’ll never understand how you can stand there straight and tall, and see I’m crying, and not do anything at all.”

Outer Banks Masterlist

///

You sat on the deck of the Hawk’s Nest, legs dangling over the edge as you stared at your phone. The screen kept lighting up, your lock screen picture of JJ illuminating your face as texts from him rolled in. You’d read the first few, knowing that he’d know that you read them and purposely didn’t answer. They were standard.

-Where are you?-

-Text me-

-Seriously, where are you?-

-Please call me or something-

-At least call Kie-

After that you just ignored them. You seriously contemplated throwing your phone into the reserve, let it hit the ground and see if it survived.  

When you’d first started dating JJ it was John B who had cautioned you. He had a lot of issues, John had warned, he wasn’t just a normal kid. He was defensive and stubborn and he got angry with more ease than most. You knew that though, you’d known him long enough and intimately enough to know that there was nothing you could do or say that would make him concede first in an argument. You couldn’t make the anger disappear or erase the defense mechanism that kicked in at the slightest sign of conflict.  

You couldn’t exist on eggshells either. Sometimes it was purposeful, you were angry and it wasn’t fair that only he got to be angry so you pushed until he gave out. Sometimes fights were like tornados concentrated in whatever space JJ took up. Sometimes things grew into a fight out of nothing, neither of you were at fault, things just exploded faster than you could reign them in and JJ had a set of lungs on him. He could scream until he was red in the face and still have more in him.  

It all ended when you cried though.  

“Just stop with that fucking bullshit!” He had screamed the minute the tears had really started.  

Your voice was brittle, eyes red and watery, “I can’t help it JJ, you’re being a dick!” You shouted.

But that was the end of the fight and you knew it. The minute you started to cry he shut down. He bailed, jumped ship, ran away, clocked out. He was done. He couldn’t do tears; he’d spent enough years with his father hearing that crying was the first sign on weakness and that only pussies got emotional. He’d bailed on you at John B’s house, leaving you standing outside, crying, as he took off on his dirt bike.  

Your phone started ringing, JJ had given up on texting. Even the make-up was routine. He spent enough time away that he came down from the high of being angry and suddenly felt guilty, looking for you to apologize. And usually you were right where he left you but not this time. This time you had bailed too, let him go home to nothing, you couldn’t be there. You couldn’t wait for him to come back before you took care of yourself.  

You let the phone go to voicemail. You’d have a million by the end of the day unless JJ found you. He was stubborn. It was what made him equally a good fighter and a good boyfriend. Though the good boyfriend part had been lacking recently. You knew that everyone was under stress and JJ had it amplified by a hundred because of his home life but you were getting tired of being his outlet when he was angry. You couldn’t remember what this fight was about but it was just one of many.  

Footsteps on the Hawk’s Nest caught your attention and you turned to see JJ’s blond head clear the deck. He had found you, somehow. You figured he enlisted Pope to use the find my phone on your laptop, it was the most likely scenario. You had your locations turned off on everything else.  

“Fuck, there you are, I’ve been texting you for hours.”

“I don’t really wanna talk to you. I figured not answering was kind of a hint.” You replied, looking away from him. You were still crying.  Usually you would have stopped by now but today you couldn’t seem to turn it off.  

“I’m sorry about earlier.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Babe-”

“No, JJ, don’t.” You twisted so you could see him. “I’ve heard whatever bullshit excuses you have a million times but honestly...you just stand there.”

“What?” JJ chanced coming closer to you, dropping down onto the deck next to you.  

“You just stand there watching me cry and I feel like...it makes me feel worthless-”

“You aren’t!”

“But you make me feel that way. You just stand there and watch me and do nothing.” You said, “and I don’t want to start another fight over it I just...I don’t even remember why I’m crying now but I can’t stop and I-”

JJ wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you against him and laying his forehead in the crook of your neck. You wrapped your arms around him, holding on tight. Having him this close was like gravity pulling you back down when you’d floated too far away.  

“I love you JJ, I know we fight and you definitely piss me off sometimes but I don’t...I want us to be able to talk about things. I don’t want to worry that you’ll give up on us someday. I want this, always.” You said. You stroked his hair, running your fingers through the somewhat salty strands. He must’ve gone surfing after the fight.  

JJ lifted his head to look at you, eyes a little glassy. It wasn’t unusual, you’d seen him get this upset before but he tried to avoid it. He usually got angry instead. “I know, I’m sorry. I just hate...feeling like I’m not in control.”

“I know. It’s not enough for us to make-up like this every time. I can’t keep forgiving you for leaving until you leave again. And I don’t want to walk out...I felt like shit hiding up here from you.”

“We’ll work on it.” JJ promised. “It won’t be right away but, we’ll work on it.”  

He had seen plenty of failed relationships in his life. His own house was like a breeding ground for broken relationships and he didn’t want to contribute to that. He didn’t want to be his father and yet, when he came back to John B’s to find you gone he had that sinking feeling. He could remember his mom leaving everything behind and taking off. He felt more like his dad in that moment than ever before and it had scared him enough that he drove all around the island looking for you, calling everyone he could think of.  

“We’ll work on it.” You repeated, more hopeful than you had been sad. JJ was worth the work.  

-

taglist: @maplelattes22 @poguesrforlife  @freckled-and-daydreaming  @chasefreakinstokes @millie-753 @fangirlwithme @alex12948 @howdyherron @katherine097 @tangledinsparkles @tragicmisfits @carbonated-beverage @mariofgreengables @ssprayberrythings @jolomez @timotaychalabae @dolanfivsosxox

[alexandenigtscreations]

Summary:

Directly after Michael's visit in Mag 47 (a new door), Jon prioritizes theorizing over taking care of the stab wound.

“Do you even know that they are lying to you?”

Lieing?  

Who's lying?  

What was he-it talking about?  Why wouldn’t he-it just tell him what was going on!

Another sharp throb caused Jon to curl tighter about his middle.  

Stabbed by Michael. 

As far as Jon could tell, it was little more than a glorified scratch... an annoyance.  He pressed the tissues tighter to the small gash.

Jon hadn’t spared a thought to the dark stain blossoming through his sweater vest, the sticky damp under his fingers or the growing weakness in his limbs.  The whole encounter with Michael had left him drained.  And Helen- 

Good Lord Helen.

The conversation played on loop in his head, but instead of answers, Jon only had more questions.  What had Michael meant by unballence the structure?  It didn’t seem to be in reference to its own strange doors and corridors.  

Doors...

Jon shivered, recalling another strange door that had lied about its destination and a childish book with A Guest for Mr. Spider splashed crossed its front.  A boy whose name was lost to memory…. Why couldn't he remember?  Why couldn’t he remember the brute of a boy who had saved his life all those years ago?  Helen had been taken, just as the boy had been.  Right in front of him and there was nothing he could do!  Oh god!  He was just a useless, deeply annoying man and there was- 

He yanked himself back to the present.  But he couldn’t seem to stop the shaking.  

Michael seemed more than a little unbalanced themself-itself, he corrected.  “I am not a who, archivist, I am a what” 

Right.  

It was plain that Michael viewed the archives as a place of importance.  Even Prentiss had bore animosity against the institute.  It had laughed when Jon had asked about a war, but if it wasn’t a war, then what was it?  And if it was a war, then why wouldn’t Michael just say so?  What was the point of Michael coming to talk to him in the first place?

“Don’t want to tarnish your ignorance too early.” the voice came swirling back.  Jon prickled.  If there was one thing he hated it was being left in the dark.  Treating him as little more than a petulant and annoying child who asked too many questions.  He had genuinely believed that those days were behind him.  As it was, it left a sour taste in his mouth.  

Tiredly, he pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to dispel the fog that had settled over his mind.  

Helen Richardson- 

She had been there not moments before, asking for answers, for help-  Michael had taken her away so easily- treating it as though it was nothing.  How had he not noticed the door?!  Jon used to be so careful.  Useless!  He was useless and could no more help Helen than he could figure out Gertrude Robinson’s murderer!

Rewinding the tape and pressing play.  “Do you even know they’re lying to you?” 

Who, damn it, who was lying?

Despite himself, Jon was inclined to believe Michael.  There was something off about the archives that went beyond malicious books and supernatural statements.  The Jane Prentiss incident had made that abundantly clear.  Pretending that the problem didn’t exist had nearly gotten him killed.  Hadn’t Michael tipped Sasha off about how to fight the worms?  Even digging one out of her with those swollen sharp hands?  

Jon groaned.  Sure that this tied to Gertrude in some fashion, but unable to see the connecting threads.  He was so tired.  

Where was Sasha with that replacement statement?  Jon made to stand but the pain flared and bial raised in his throat.  Right he thought, taking a moment to breathe.  Waiting for the tremmors to subside and for the room to stop spinning, bad idea.  Dimly, he wondered if he needed help, but quickly shook it off.  He didn’t want to explain what happened.  It might tip them off.  

“Do you even know they’re lying to you?”  

Who was lying? 

The question rooted itself in his mind like a bad tune stuck in one’s head.  Playing over and over.  

So instead, Jon pulled the sticky notes to him, uncapping the fountain pen and started mapping out his limited information and queries.  Laying them out on the reverse of his blotter.  It felt-important-to keep this quiet.  

Michael the What.  Normally neutral?  What did it know? 

Gertrude Robinson, murdered.  With a gun, no less.  No supernatural forces, just a gun.  

The tunnels.  He shivered, the last exploration had been far more eventful than he would have liked.  Arrows and strange wall moving figures aside, who else would have known about the tunnels, yet alone knew to hide a body there?

Gertrude Robinson’s tape collection.  Right now, Constable Basira Hussain was his only hope to get access to the tapes.  

War?  He lacked a better term for now, but wondered what role the institute played in this conflict.  He wondered what the conflict was even.  Did it have anything to do with Gertrude Robinson’s death?

The deeper mystery of the institute files

Missing taped statements of 0051701 & 0160204 

Jon jotted down the archival staff

Sasha.  Though Jon was inclined to take Sasha off the list, he was the one who should have gotten the promotion, not him.  Now he felt more like a buffer between her and whatever it was targeting the Head Archivist position.  

Tim. Tim-having his name down hurt more than he would have thought.  They’d gotten along in research- but now- things were different.  Jon couldn't think of a reason to take him off.  

And Martin, what did he really know of the man?  Not much other than he wasn’t a ghost (lord, had he really been that stupid?) and that he seemed to be hiding something.  

Elias?  He had maintained that calling Gertrude’s disappearance a death was a formality.  Mentioning something about a lot of blood.  But what had made him so certain?  Did he know anything about the War or… Jon noted the questions down, plastering them under the names as they came.  

And, finally, a reminder to himself Trust can get you killed.

“Right-” he said, looking down at the hastily arranged post-it notes.  It was hardly a satisfying list, with more questions and missing information than answers.  But it was a start.  

With a great deal of effort, he flipped over the blotter once more, hiding the notes.  Feeling the fatigue weighing down his arms.  Without knowing who the ‘they’ were that were lying to him, he didn’t want anyone to see that he was...suspicious.  

He paused at the smear of gore on the edge of the blotter.  The world spinning around the scarlet smudge.  Jon would have to clean that up...but... latter.  His eyes felt heavy, his body felt heavy.  He sighed, tugging the files, laptop and recorder back over the edge of the blotter, nothing to see here.

Lord he was tired. 

Perhaps he would rest his eyes...just a moment.  He slumped over his desk, pressing in on his stomach, trying to alleviate the pain that had made its home there.  

Dimly he was aware of Sasha entering his office.  At least, he thought she did, but it could have been a dream.  

She had teased him about sleeping on the job and laughed at the mess he’d made of his work space.  “I hope you know I’m not going to straighten this up too.” she’d said lightly.

He hadn’t asked her to tidy the discredited section- and he certainly didn’t need her fiddling with his desk.  

“You’ll ruin your neck sitting like that.” A hand at his back, warm, gentil and-wrong, as if stretched thin.  For a second he thought Michael had returned.  Why was he so cold?  “Anyways, I’m going to borrow the tape recorder for the statement.  Cheers.”

Rustling at his desk, footsteps and Sasha was gone.  

Gone.

Something about it seemed to echo eerily in Jon’s mind.  He cracked open an eye.

The tape recorder was gone!  

Panic gripped him.  The tape!  Helen’s statement and Michael-  What if Sasha didn’t use a new tape!  He couldn’t let Helen be erased like the boy.  He had to check!  He had to-to-

The adrenaline that had pulled Jon to his feet, flead.  This was a mistake.  The room wouldn’t hold steady, tugging him this way and that.  A static buzzing filled his ears and the blackness took him.  

Martin gave Jon’s door a tentative knock “Jon?” he called.  He’d learned to give Jon a warning before he walked in.  He was really jumpy these days.  “Jon, you there?” no answer, but the desk light was on so maybe he’d stepped out.  “I’ve got your tea here.” 

Still nothing.  Martin shrugged, he’d leave it on his desk.  Jon would find it, he always did.  Since the man hadn’t made a showing for lunch, again, Martin made it a point of ensuring he got a bit of sweet tea in.  For all Jon’s insisting that he was a grown man who knew how to look after himself, he certintally let a lot slide.  

Martin didn’t mind that.  Especially after the worms and Gertrude- he shuddered, recalling how he’d found her- her corpse- in the tunnels.  No, Martin didn’t mind making sure Jon was looked after.  Nowadays, he’d taken to holding everyone at arm's length.  Something Martin had…. personal experience in.  Jon had never been friendly, with their nicest conversation taking place in the refuge of document storage.  It had been surprising to find under that stuffy exterior, Martin found something rather endearing.  But the recent change had hurt to see all the same.

“Alright, I’m coming in.” 

From somewhere behind him, Martin could hear Tim give a derisive snort.  Things had been...tense.  

At first glance, the office was as empty as he had expected it to be.  He placed the tea on Jon’s desk and frowned.  There on the floor, he caught sight on an arm.

Jon’s arm.  

Concern fluttered to life in Martin’s chest.  Had he fainted?  He was certainly running himself a bit thin these days but-

“Jon!” 

There was blood, thick and sticky, pooling on the floor.  He was on his side in a strange position.  Martin dove to his knees besides the man, shouting his name.  He looked small there, his complexion pasty, a sheen of cold sweat on his furrowed brow.  

Carefully, oh so carefully, Martin scooped Jon up into his arms.  

“Jon!  Christ, Jon!  Please wake up!” he felt for a pulse, still there, and started patting his face.  “Please wake up!” he was limp in Martin’s arms, cold.  God, how much blood had he lost?  Where was the wound even?  He started calling for help.  Hoping against hope that they would hear him, that they would come.  

“Martin?  What are you- Jesus.” Tim was looking down in horror.  “What the hell?”

Martin shook his head.  “No idea, he won’t wake up!” 

“What’s going on?” asked Sasha, peering over Tim’s shoulder.  

“Jon.” Tim put a strange emphasis on his name.  

She shouldered her way in to have a proper look, frowning as she did so.  “Strange, he was fine a couple hours ago when I went to borrow the tape recorder.”  

“Just go and ring 999 or something!” demanded Martin in a shrill tone, feeling for the origin of the bleed.  Oh god, oh, god oh god! he chanted inwardly this is bad!  There!  a hole on the front of his vest the size of his thumb.  Could something like that truly lead to so much blood?  He tugged Jon’s vest and shirt up out of the way revealing Jon’s stomach.  Each bone of his ribs and the line of his hip stood out in relief against his brown skin.  The red making spongy smears across the surface.  The small gash was still bleeding.  “And some paper towels!” 

Wounds of this size weren’t supposed to bleed this much, were they?  Or had something else been hit?  Tim shoved some paper towels into his hands and Martin immediately pressed them over the injury.  

There was a small moan, and Jon’s eyes, those piercing deep brown eyes, started to flutter open.  Relief crashed into Martin.  

“Jon?!”

He groaned, hand finding the wad of paper.  The pressure-it was a bit... much.  

“Jon, can you hear me?”

It took a moment for his eyes to focus, “Ma-Martin?”

“Quick on the uptake I see boss.”

Confusion flooded his system followed by fear.  All of his assistance surrounding him when he’d just been-  he swallowed.  “Wha-why m’ I on the floor?” his voice came soft and jagged.  

“We were hoping you could answer that.” Tim replied “And explain where you got that hole in your gut.”

It was then that Jon looked down at himself.  His shirt hiked up to his chest and Martin forcing tissues down over his stomach.  It hurt-why was that?  He drew heavy legs up instinctively, as if curling into a ball.  

“M-Matin- What are you doing?” 

Martin blushed head to toe “Hopefully preventing you from bleeding out.”

“Oh, oh right-” he trailed off.  It came back then, Michael and his too sharp hands and their little confrontation.  The doors-  Should have paid more attention.  “Right-”

“So should I call 999? Or-” Sasha had her phone out, looking around at the group.  

Martin and Tim said yes at the same time Jon said No.  He said it so loud and forcefully that it sent his whole body trembling, and stomach souring.  

“N-no need for that.” Jon panted.  He was aware enough to start feeling embarrassed at the whole affair.  A scene was not something he had wanted to cause.  He hated all the attention, all the fuss, reminding him so much of that day and the bully who’d saved his life.  His grandmother had been so angry.  It all intensified the watched feeling.  It would be better to deal with it alone.  He-he could make it to an A&E.  

“What do you mean, no need?” scoffed Tim “There’s enough red here to re-decorate your office!”

“An exaggeration-” Jon said stiffly.  

“Hardly.” Tim snorted. “Still haven’t told us what happened.” Tim pressed, hand on hip.  An impatience Jon recognized from research.  Knowing he had to say something, anything or Tim would dig and dig and dig-

“A, a bread knife!” Jon blurted out the first thing that had come to mind, and instantly wanted to shove his foot in his mouth.

“A bread knife?”

Closing his eyes against the swirling world, Jon decided to double down “A bread knife.  Turns out-” he swallowed “Lunch is more...hazardous than I was led to believe.” he gasped.  He’d never be able to live this one down.  

Lord, he hurt.  

[thecoleopterawithana]

"I never knew what he wanted in a woman because I never knew what I wanted" I think this quote is so telling but I haven't seen much commentary on it. Do you have any particular thoughts? It seems to put John in a very sad light. And to me it's one of his most revealingly repressed-gay quotes, but maybe there's another way to interpret & I'm overstepping.

Hello there, dear anon! 

I hope you’re still around to see this! As usual, I’ve taken an appalling amount of time answering this thought-provoking ask. However, in this instance, that “appalling amount of time” is probably over a year; a new record for me. Wherever you are now, I hope you are well, and if my ramblings don’t reach you, may they interest others. 

I also have to admit that at the time I received this ask, I was most likely not equipped to understand all the layers of meaning in this sentence. And it’d be quite presumptuous of me to assume that I am completely prepared now. But let’s just hope that my ability to perceive their nuances has grown since then, and will continue to do so in the future. 

Needless to say, this is only my current interpretation, and I welcome any commentaries that will help broaden it! (And please don’t fret for a second about offering your own interpretation and somehow “overstepping”; we’re all just having a decades-spanning conversation here.)

Now, on with your question.

First, let’s integrate that sentence in its full quote:

Q: So, John. You and Paul were probably the greatest songwriting team in a generation. And you had this huge falling out. Were there always huge differences between you and Paul, or was there a time when you had a lot in common?

JOHN: Well, Paul always wanted the home life, you see. He liked it with daddy and the brother… and obviously missed his mother. […]

JOHN: So it was always the family thing, you see. If Jane [Asher] was to have a career, then that’s not going to be a cozy family, is it? All the other girls were just groupies mainly. And with Linda not only did he have a ready-made family, but she knows what he wants, obviously, and has given it to him. The complete family life. He’s in Scotland. He told me he doesn’t like English cities anymore. So that’s how it is.

Q: So you think with Linda he’s found what he wanted?

JOHN: I guess so. I guess so. I just don’t understand. I never knew what he wanted in a woman because I never knew what I wanted. I knew I wanted something intelligent or something arty. But you don’t really know what you want until you find it. So anyway, I was very surprised with Linda. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d married Jane (Asher) because it had been going on for a long time and they went through a whole ordinary love scene. But with Linda it was just like – boom! She was in and that was the end of it.

— John Lennon, interviewed by Peter McCabe and Robert Schonfeld, at St. Regis Hotel, New York City (5 September 1971).

So, the interviewer inquires about their differences and similarities during the relationship, probably to assess the pervasiveness of the clashes that supposedly led to the “huge falling out” in “the greatest songwriting team in a generation.”

And John answers that “Paul always wanted the home life.” 

At first glance, and following the logic of what was asked, one might assume John was pointing to a difference that always existed between them. And an irreconcilable difference at that, given that it’s the first thing he points out in answer to a question that is probing for sources of conflict that might explain their falling out.

So we get a feeling that John saw Paul having a family as incompatible with Paul maintaining a partnership with him. They were mutually exclusive; thus, Paul getting a family resulted in a falling out between them.

That right there carries a lot of implications already.

Because John himself also wanted the “complete family life”:

Q: But with that much experience behind you, now, would you like to have more children?

JOHN: Yeah, I – as – as many as come, you know. If Lennon roll out, as they. [thoughtful] I like large families. The idea of it.  

— John Lennon, interviewed by Brian Matthew (13 November 1965).

And we shouldn’t take his disappointment with the suburban life in Weybridge as proof that he’d given up on that fantasy. It’s all about the circumstances, in the end; who you’re sharing your dream with. 

After all, Yoko herself came with a “ready-made family”: a six-year-old daughter named Kyoko, who she was fighting to get the custody of, after divorcing the father, Anthony Cox, in February 1969; by then John and Yoko would even have a baby of their own. 

This would all eventually fall through, as Yoko suffered a miscarriage in late November 1968, and Cox would disappear with Kyoko in 1971. Yoko would not see her daughter again until almost three decades later.

So you could see how John could have felt resentful of the family life Paul had built. Always perfect mirror images, Paul was living the dream, while John’s turned into a nightmare.

But with John, the situation is always doubly complicated. Because if he was often envious of Paul, John was also jealous. Note that “envy is when you want what someone else has, but jealousy is when you’re worried someone’s trying to take what you have.”

So we have to go back to his first answer. We’ve established that wanting “the complete family life” was something they had in common rather than something they differed in. 

But Paul wanting a family is still presented here as a reason for their falling out, or at least tangentially related. And John goes on to present his theory about how Paul’s choice in life partner was based on who could provide that for him. It wouldn’t be the career-focused Jane, or the inconsequential groupies. 

And it couldn’t be John himself.

We should also note that, in answer to the second question, it is made clear that John’s previous declarations were but a retrospective interpretation of what happened. As he goes on to admit, at the time, John was surprised by Paul marrying Linda instead of Jane.

And that is how we finally get to the sentence in question: 

“I never knew what he wanted in a woman because I never knew what I wanted.” 

A possible first layer of meaning is what I’m guessing you meant by this being “one of his most revealingly repressed-gay quotes.” 

1. The emphasis being placed on John never knowing what he wanted in a woman, and thus not being able to know what Paul would find more desirable in a wife.

He does go on to use admittedly questionable pronouns: “I knew I wanted something intelligent or something arty.” It happened in other instances in this interview:

I just realized that [Yoko] knew everything I knew, and more, probably, and it was coming out of a woman’s head. It just sort of bowled me over, you know? And it was like finding gold or something. To find somebody that you can go and get pissed with, and have exactly the same relationship as any mate in Liverpool you’d ever had, but also you could go to bed with him, and it could stroke your head when you felt tired, or sick, or depressed. It could also be Mother. And obviously, that’s what the male-female – you know, you could take those roles with each other.

— John Lennon, interviewed by Peter McCabe and Robert Schonfeld, at St. Regis Hotel, New York City (5 September 1971).

So one could see how, at this time, John was struggling to manage the differences between male and female partners. As Cynthia put it:

I think he was trying to find himself a… what he’d call a soulmate. Someone who had as mad ideas as he had. I think he felt that she had the talent… but that’s debatable. But he needed that— he didn’t need a ‘mumsie’ partner at that point. He needed a mate. And I think he actually said, at some stage, in an interview that, you know— She’s the nearest thing to a man — a mate; man — that he’s ever had in a woman.

— Cynthia Lennon, interviewed by Alex Belfield for BBC Radio (2006).

Another angle that I find curious is:

2. The parallel drawn between Linda’s knowledge of Paul’s wants (and her ability to satisfy them) versus John’s.

“[Linda] knows what he wants, obviously, and has given it to him.” / “I never knew what he wanted”

This one integrates a theme I’ve been interested in exploring recently: their epistemology of each other. Basically, assumptions of knowledge; when it works out and when it doesn’t.

1968: I wonder should I call you but I know what you would do

JOHN: Well, [‘How Do You Sleep’]’s an answer, you know? Paul, uh, personally doesn’t feel as though I insulted him or anything. ’Cause I had dinner with him last week, and he was quite happy.

— John Lennon, interviewed by Mike Douglas on The Mike Douglas Show (12 February 1972).

1973: And I know just how you feel / And I know now what I have done / And I know and I’m guilty (yes I am) / But I never could read your mind

In this specific case, he could be humbly admitting he never knew what Paul wanted. But another possible reading of the sentence is the exact opposite:

3. The assumption that they were so connected, so much like a single entity, that to know himself was to know Paul. That their wants and needs are aligned, and what John wants must be what Paul wants.

I never knew what he wanted in a woman because I never knew what I wanted.

1967: I am he / As you are he / As you are me / And we are all together

1969: I know you, you know me

The mirror image of this interpretation would be Paul’s own thought-provoking declarations:

[T]he Beatle thing is over. It has been exploded, partly by what we have done, and partly by other people. We are individuals— all different. John married Yoko, I married Linda. We didn’t marry the same girl.

— Paul McCartney, for Life Magazine (7 November 1969).

Q: Will Paul and Linda become John and Yoko?

PAUL: No, they will become Paul and Linda. 

— McCartney press release (9 April 1970).

And finally, I believe another very important facet expressed in this sentence is:

4. The theme of John not knowing what he wants for himself.

I never knew what he wanted in a woman because I never knew what I wanted. […] But you don’t really know what you want until you find it.

This is a sentiment that John has expressed before.

JOHN: Weybridge won’t do at all. I’m just stopping at it […] I think of it every day — me in my Hansel and Gretel house. I’ll take my time; I’ll get my real house when I know what I want. You see there’s something else I’m going to do, something I must do — only I don’t know what it is. That’s why I go round painting and taping and drawing and writing and that, because it may be one of them. All I know is, this isn’t it for me.

— John Lennon, interviewed by Maureen Cleave for the London Evening Standard (4 March 1966).

JOHN: I think, in one way, all of us were under the slight illusion that we might— or maybe it wasn’t an illusion and maybe had we pushed harder we would have got what we wanted, but I’m not sure that anybody really knew what we wanted. We knew we didn’t like what was happening but nobody quite knew what it was that we wanted, cus we’d never had it!

This is another very fascinating avenue I’ve been wondering about. 

John Lennon, the Dreamer, not actually knowing how that dream would manifest. Him having a vague romantic idea of what he wanted, but not really knowing how to practically bring it about. 

[Imagine here a whole essay of John versus Paul in the studio, and their contrasting abilities to materialize the sounds they heard in their head and turn them into something that others could experience with them.]

In conclusion, these are about all the potential levels of nuance I can read in John’s statement at the moment. All of them fascinating and worth exploring. So I’m truly grateful to you for giving me the perfect opportunity to do so. 

It would fill me with joy to have this conversation continued with all who feel like adding their own perspectives to it!