#I’ve known about a lot of friendships being broken up over a lot of things. minor or not.

[milf-louis]

.

[pensat-i-fet]

The way he makes you smile (Rúben Dias x Reader, ft Mason Mount)

**Hi! I got this request a couple of weeks ago and there was some conversation about it. I was also made aware that this idea has been done before but I haven't read any of those stories so take this just as my spin on the premise. And enjoy reading! ❤️**

Word count: 2556

Masterlist

Wattpad

Everyone loved love stories like yours. The childhood friends that separated only to meet again and become a couple. And you loved it too…until you didn’t.

Mason was the love of your life. You’ve known him since you were a baby, really. And probably fell in love with him when you were only 5. But there were a lot of moments in your life where you had to separate because he moved to London, and then he went to The Netherlands for a year, …and it was tough to see him leave you behind but you understood. Everyone just expected you to get over your crush and move on at some point. But you didn’t. And one time when he came back home to visit his family, he finally confessed he felt the same way about you.

That had been 2 years ago. 24 months of happiness by your soulmate’s side…or so people thought. Because after the first year, the cracks in your relationship started to show.

“Are you even happy?”, asked you one of your friends when you confessed to her that you and Mason had been having problems.

“Of course. I couldn’t ask for anything better. I have a good job, family is healthy and I’m dating the best guy”.

“Tell that to your fake smile. Honey…I’m not looking forward to you two breaking up knowing how that would break your heart but you aren’t happy. You’re arguing all the time, even in front of people. You look so sad and I want you to go back to how you used to be. I know it’s hard to let go of your first love but sometimes it’s for the best”.

“I…”.

“I know. Just think about it. Think about the pros and cons. And try and take the best decision for you. Because that’s who matters, you. You always put everyone else before you and it needs to stop”.

And she was right, of course she was. So that was why after another big fight over the stupidest thing, you finally put yourself first.

“We can’t do this anymore, Mason”.

“What do you mean?”

“This. Us. It’s destroying us. We are always fighting and we barely see each other so…how is that living? I feel like if maybe we stop now, we could at least save our friendship. Maybe even try this out again in the future. When we’re in different places in our lives”.

His look was of pure shock, mixed with anger. He really wasn’t used to being told something like this.

“Do you not love me?”

“I love you too much, Mason. Too much to force you, and to force me, to stay in this toxic relationship. We’re hurting each other”.

“Is there someone else?”

He had to be kidding.

“No! There is no one else! See? We can’t even talk without you turning everything into a fight!”

“Because you’re giving up on me. On us”.

“Someone has to. Before we destroy each other”.

And with those final words, you left him there. It broke your heart, but you knew you were doing the right thing.

What you needed in that moment was a fresh start and your job provided you with one. Most people couldn’t believe that you were willing to move from London to Manchester. To a smaller office and a smaller position in the company. But you just couldn’t stay in London anymore. Manchester wasn’t that far away but…it was better. The distance helped.

And the city also had something else waiting for you to help mend your broken heart. Well, not a something but a someone.

“Sorry”, you heard someone say in the middle of Sainsbury’s. “I know this sounds weird but I’ve seen you here shopping a few times and it’s driving me insane not knowing where I know you from”.

You looked up at the man talking to you and he looked familiar too. And when you looked at him properly, you knew exactly why he thought he knew you.

                                       –

                        6 months earlier

“Who’s that looking at us? He looks familiar”.

Mason turned to see who you meant and rolled his eyes. “Rúben Dias. He plays for City and I met him once at an F1 GP”.

“Right”.

You remembered that GP. Because you were supposed to attend with him but a big fight a few days prior made you stay home. Another plan ruined by your fights.

The man, Rúben, approached you to say hello to your boyfriend.

“Hi Mason, how are you?”

“Good, thanks. We need to go. See you later”.

“Ok?”

Rúben’s confusion at Mason’s behaviour mirrored yours.

“Why were you so rude to him?”

“How could I not be? He’s been staring at you the whole time”.

“Mason”, you said with a sigh. “He doesn’t know me. If anything, he would have been staring at you”.

“I’m not the one wearing that dress”.

“I thought you liked this dress. You bought it for me”.

“I like it. I don’t like guys drooling around you when you wear it”.

You were tired. Too tired. And not ready for another argument in front of so many people. So you just let the comment slide…there would be time to fight about it once you two were back home.

                                       –

“You’re Rúben, right?”

“So you know me too?”, he laughed. “Now I’m even more confused. But also intrigued. Please put me out of my misery”.

You laughed as well. “We saw each other at an event months ago. I was there with Mason Mount”.

“Oh”, you could tell the moment when it all clicked. “I remember now”.

“We aren’t together anymore”.

“Good”.

His words surprised you. Why would he say that?

“I mean. I only know the guy from playing against him and partying together once but when I saw him with you…no one deserves to be treated like that”.

“I know. That’s why I left”.

The way he smiled at you reminded you of how your friend had when you told her about leaving Mason. They both looked proud of you.

After that chat in the supermarket, you promised to meet again. It would be good for you to have a friend in Manchester that wasn’t just someone from your office.

Rúben ended up being someone you could talk to, someone who could help you, someone who understood you like no one had before. So falling for him was just something inevitable.

And everything was perfect but still…you worried. Rúben had to play against Mason. And, even if he respected your wish to be private, one day you’d have to tell the world you were together. And the reaction from Mason worried you. But also, what about his family? His fans? Even random people just judging you for dating two football players…facing everyone’s opinions terrified you.

“You need to stop”, mumbled Rúben.

“What do I need to stop? I thought you were sleeping”.

“I was, but the light from your screen woke me up. You’re addicted, my love. Wait until you leave the bed to check social media”.

You laughed at his complaint. He was right and you knew it but it was hard to change some habits.

It was when you were about to block your phone to enjoy your boyfriend’s kisses that you saw it.

Mason Mount agrees personal terms with Manchester United.

The phone fell from your hands and that caught Rúben’s attention. “So clumsy. See? Another reason to not be on your phone in bed”, he laughed. “We don’t want it to fall on your pretty face”.

“Mason is going to sign for United”.

“Huh?”

You showed the article to him.

“It’s ok”, he tried to reassure you.

“It just complicates things more…”.

“It doesn’t if we don’t allow it to. Your ex is moving to this city, big deal. It’s big enough for the three of us, I swear”.

“But he’ll play for United…”.

“It’s not as if he’s signing for City. That would be a bit trickier, not gonna lie. But I’ve played against him this season and it was fine”.

“Ok, I’ll believe you. But I have a bad feeling about this”.

The feeling never left you but…nothing happened. Mason moved to Manchester and didn’t even try to contact you. He was living his own life while you lived yours.

That was…until things changed.

On a Wednesday off with no matches, you and Rúben made your way to Bruno Fernandes’ house. The Portuguese players sometimes hosted a little get-together to catch up, even if they played for rival teams. You were literally the only non-Portuguese there but they still made you feel like one of them.

But people didn’t get they could be friends and rivals at the same time, so you kept those meetings private. Private like Bruno’s private Instagram account where he posted a story where you were seating next to Rúben. His arm was around your shoulder to bring you closer to him and the smiles on your faces couldn’t be bigger.

Bruno didn’t have many followers on that private account because that way he could make sure no one leaked anything private to the press. But he let his teammates follow him. And that meant that Mason was now following his account. So on that Wednesday night, when he was scrolling on Instagram totally bored, he saw the story. He saw you and Rúben together. And no one could see that photo and not know you two were a couple.

However, he didn’t call you to ask for an explanation. He didn’t tell Bruno about it either, to try and get information from his teammate. He waited until he had to meet Rúben at the Manchester derby to do something.

“Are you the reason she broke up with me?”, he said when the players were about to go out to warm up.

“I don’t know how you’ve found out but leave her alone”.

“Answer my question”.

“I didn’t know her then so no, I wasn’t the reason why she left you. It was all your doing”.

“What do you know about our private life?”

“Enough to want to smash your face against a wall but I won’t do it because it’s not worth it. And now she is with someone who treats her the way she deserves to be treated. That’s all that matters to me”.

Mason didn’t like that answer. At all. And so he spent the whole match trying to provoke Rúben to get a reaction from him but found none. The only thing he found was his way to the bench in the second half, after being told off by his coach for not focusing on the match.

“Shaw needs to do the post-match interviews”, said one of the media people.

“He’s injured and receiving treatment. Send someone else”.

“I’ll do it”, said Mason and no one thought much of it.

The Sky Sports reporter asked him all the same boring questions he was so used to answering. But she also asked the one he was waiting for.

“We also saw you seemed to have some issues with Rúben Dias. It almost seemed personal”, she laughed.

“It was. He stole my girl after all”.

The reporter’s jaw almost hit the floor but Mason didn’t allow her to recover and ask more questions before leaving.

When you saw the clip on social media, you felt like you were going to faint. Rúben saw it too and tried to get back home as fast as possible. For once, you weren’t in the stadium with him. Now he was happy you were nowhere near your ex.

“I can’t believe he did that”, was all you said when he got home.

And he knew words meant nothing at that point, so he just hugged you while you cried. Waiting for you to let all the tears out.

“What do you want to do?”, he finally said.

“What do you mean?”

“Do you want us to respond? I could get my team to write everything before we publish it to make sure it’s well written. Or we could not say anything. He doesn’t get to change how we handle our relationship”.

“You should probably deny what he said. Your reputation…”.

“You think I care about my reputation right now?”, asked Rúben. And you had never seen him looking so serious. “I promised he would never make you cry again and look at you right now”.

“You can’t protect me from everything, Rúben”.

“Why?”

That finally made you laugh. “Because that’s how life is. And it’s not your fault. It’s only his”.

After debating what was the best strategy to follow, you decided to make your relationship public. Well, it already was thanks to Mason. But you were now able to tell your side of the story.

It was a long post where you mentioned breaking up with Mason before moving to Manchester, where you met Rúben. You made it clear there had been no cheating involved, which was very important for you. Cheaters made you sick so being compared to one was the worst feeling. And you just basically made it clear that you and Rúben still planned to keep a low profile and asked for people not to invade your privacy.

Even after that post, you expected to get a lot of abuse on social media. But what you didn’t expect was to get a message from Mason.

[Mason]: I’m sorry about what I did. Can we please talk? No tricks. I just need to talk to you.

“Rúben? You need to see this”.

You showed him the text and he frowned while reading it. “Do you want me to go with you if you meet him?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea”.

“But you going alone…”.

“I think I need to do this. I don’t know how to explain it but I just do”.

“I trust your instinct. Do whatever feels right to you”.

So over a year after leaving Mason, you were in front of him again. There was your friend, your first love, the person you thought you were going to spend your life with…and now he felt like a stranger.

“I’m sorry”, he said and you nodded. “I went crazy when I saw you with someone else. And the fact that it was another player…it’s irrational but it hurt more for some reason”.

“I guess I can understand that. But it’s not like I did it on purpose. My life would be a lot easier dating an average Joe, you know?”

“Easier maybe, but not better, right? I saw how happy you looked with him. You never looked that happy with me”.

“I was happy…”, you tried to defend yourself but he lifted a hand to stop you.

“But not that happy. And I’m glad you are. I’m glad you found someone who can make you smile like that”.

“Then why did you try and shame me in front of millions of people?”

“Because I felt shame myself. Shame about how it all ended for us. Shame that it wasn’t me who made you happy. But I’ve made my peace. Next time I talk to the media I’ll tell them I lied. You deserve to keep smiling the way he makes you smile instead of all the tears I caused”.

[sapphiresdumpsterfire]

meta analysis of Extraordinary Things because I have no life

Keep your words on ice

Your gaze lights the fire.

Pretty straight forward, Geralt’s cold attitude and words combined with his gold, “fiery” eyes.

They say keep on playing nice

But I have no desire

This I feel like is a reference to his bisexuality, being told to conform to the typical standards of relationships, or perhaps to accept his nobility as it reflects on his romantic affairs. Play nice and keep in line. But that’s not who he is as a person and he has no desire to pretend like he’ll ever fit that mold.

Why waste our words

When lips were made

For extraordinary things

Fairly straightforward as well, he’s tired of the fancy wordplay and the double entendres of noble life. He doesn’t want to dance around the way he feels or conceal his emotions. Why waste time with talking around how you feel when you can simply accept it. Which is very fitting as he is very open with his romantic life.

It’s not a want, it’s a need

It is paying no heed

To what others say to sing

Another reference to his orientation, however I also feel like this might be a small reference to the line in Her Sweet Kiss “I’m weak my love, and I am wanting” which could be an indicator of his feelings for Geralt adapting and evolving over time. They’ve deepened into a need to simply be around Geralt, even if his role in Geralt’s life isn’t quite was he desires. Geralt matters just that much to him.

The greatest songs are made up

Of unspoken words of love

Okay this line I feel like is the most damning, but possibly not for the reasons people might think. There’s a lot of focus on the “unspoken words of love” section of this line, but I was more focused onto this reference of his music. He’s saying that of the songs he has written, he has embedded his love for Geralt in every line. In particular, the his romantic ballads. He keeps his love songs inconspicuous, switching around pronouns and never revealing a name. Those are expressions of his “unspoken works of love”.

Of them I’ve had enough

With you I have enough

With you I am enough

I am enough

This is where we get angsty. His tone gets defeated and exhausted singing this line. He’s tired of being so desperately in love with someone who will never be able to share that love in the same capacity. He’s had enough of feeling like he’ll never be enough. Radovid has made him feel like he can be enough for someone, but that’s not quite what he needs either (with unintentional foreshadowing to Radovid’s manipulation). He wants to be enough for himself, in his own right, without relying on other people’s perception of him.

Drop the sweet disguise

Your heart’s beating too loud

The fairytale’s and little lies

Can’t drown out all the sound

So I’ve seen this be translated as foreshadowing for him and Radovid’s relationship, but considering that he would have only known Radovid for a couple of days at best, I feel like this interpretation is a little too loose and abstract. We know he writes his ballads about events he’s experienced in his own life, and he doesn’t tend to write about abstract concepts or future events. I feel it’s more likely that this is a reflection of the fact that Jaskier very much knows that Geralt is aware of his feelings. We know that Geralt can canonly hear heartbeats. Jaskier knows that no matter how many pretty ballads he sings and excuses he gives, he can’t hide his feelings, and Geralt will never address them, whether to protect Jaskier’s emotions or their friendship. It’s a feeling of defeat and almost a bit of self-flagellation. Like he’s shaming himself for daring to have these feelings, using a slightly mocking tone while singing these lines.

So take this heart

And break this heart

For extraordinary things

In this, Jaskier is tossing aside these feelings. He’s willing to let his heart be broken and his hopes be dashed to be by Geralt’s side because he sees that Geralt has a destiny and a purpose. He’s willing to go through the pain of never having Geralt in the way he needs because he knows that Geralt has a greater purpose, and he’s devoting himself to seeing this purpose play out.

It’s not a want, it’s a need

It is paying no heed to what

Others say to sing

The greatest songs are made up

Of unspoken words of love

Of them I’ve had enough

With you I have enough

With you I am enough

I am

I am enough…

In short, I feel like this song is very clearly an expression of Jaskier’s feelings of hopelessness towards his relationship with Geralt. He’s desperately in love with a man who he knows in his heart that he will never be enough for, whether due to orientation or feeling like Geralt has a far greater purpose than Jaskier could ever hope to understand or fulfill. He wants desperately to be enough for someone, and to feel like anybody could be enough to fill the hole that Geralt has left inside him. Enter Radovid, who sees this weakness and immediately exploits it to his advantage. But my rant on the cinematography of the scene indicating Radovid’s calculated manipulation and Jaskier’s emotional vulnerability will come another day.

Thank you Joey Batey for another total masterpiece of a performance and a song that will haunt me till I die. 🥹💕

[whatsevengoingonanymore]

Haven’t been on this god forsaken site since 2019. But I’m back haters love to see me crawling back to the hell site.

I got my heart broken in April. Wasn’t anything serious. Honestly I don’t think I have the right to feel this shitty about how it all played out. It’s not like I knew him for years, made a life together only for it to come crumbling down on a random Tuesday afternoon. I knew him for maybe a month and didn’t like the idea of being an option to him when he told me there was someone else in the running to be something more with him. And I told him I didn’t want to be an option. And I should’ve just left after he said he felt it in his gut that he should still see her. I probably scared him off with how I nagged and prodded at him just to hear him say he liked her more.

Months later and I still feel shitty about the whole situation. Because nothing got better for me. Sure I progressed in my career, moved into a better apartment, tried new hobbies, spent time with old and new friends, everything you’re supposed to do when you get your heartbroken. Life moved on but I was still alone. I have friends and family who love me. I meet new people everyday, I make conversation, I laugh with them, I make a connection it’s literally part of my job and I’m good at it. But when I tried to move on through the apps I got nothing. Sure I got a few matches, more than I care to admit. Eventually you get tired of the game and just swipe right on everyone hoping something happens. Talked to a few guys. I had hope for a few of them. But none of them went anywhere. They all went silent on me. Rinse and repeated my same cycle of showing my friends the messages and asking them if I had said something wrong and the same result came up: I did everything right. And they did everything right. I wasn’t right for them, I guess.

Co worker tried to set me up with one of their family members. Also has gone nowhere. My love life is going nowhere. And it sucks because for the past year every guy I’ve gone on a date with that seemed like we were doing well ended up the same. The guy in October went back to his ex. The guy in January went back to his ex, but then broke up but I still never heard from him after that. And April ended up dating the girl he had a gut feeling about the whole time. The whole time he was telling me “you make me smile and laugh easily.” The whole time he told me “we get along and vibe on a lot of things.” The whole time when I admittingly asked “if she was prettier than me. I ask because I’m crazy.” and he looked at me with the softest look, rested his head on his car seat headrest, and told me “no.”

Maybe I’m over analyzing it but that look wouldn’t leave my mind for days. I don’t know if it was butterflies or the after shock of a gut punch but it stuck. I think I said something after that. I can’t remember exactly but I think I told him something along the lines of “fuck you don’t look at me that way.” And I think I said something else that made us both laugh. Then I immediately started crying because I hated that even in a serious moment like that he still made me laugh.

This is so emo and 8th grade of me to do but god damn it. I’m sick of this feeling and I wish I never met him. October and January were easy to push out of my mind. It was so easy to move onto the next or focus on the next steps in my career. I can still focus on my career and friendships but it creeps in. That feeling. That sinking feeling that I’ll be okay in my career and friendships. I’ve already accomplished so much, not to brag, but it is impressive or so I’ve been told. But I did it alone. There’s a scene in The French Dispatch by Wes Anderson that sums up my feelings on the matter. (I know. Of course this bitch is a Wes Anderson fan its painfully obvious if you ever see me on the streets)

“There is a particular sad beauty, well known to the companions, foreigners he walks the streets of his adopted preferably moonlit city in my case on me, France. I have so often shared the day's glittering discoveries with...no one at all. But always, somewhere on the avenue or the boulevard, there was a table set for me. A cook, a waiter, a bottle, glass, a fire. I chose this life. It is a solitary feast that has been very much a comrade, my great comfort and fortification.”

Maybe I chose this life on a cosmic level. My last heartbreak before threw me into a spiritual journey, for the best in the latter half of the journey but the beginning was shameful and humiliating. Somewhere in the journey I read that we, as spiritual divine beings, chose our human life. Why I chose this one I’ll have to take up with God who may or may not be myself.

Anyways this has gotten way off course. If you made it this far thanks.

TLDR: I’m the problem lol

[darcyfangirlsfrequently]

The Words We Tend to Withhold (exactly the words someone needs to be told)

This was supposed the be a short little fic inspired by a conversation I had with @hey-dw. It ended up a lot longer than that.

Summary: Luke gets tired during a movie night, and almost falls asleep on Penelope's shoulders. Thinking he's asleep, Penelope says almost everything she has ever wanted to tell him.

Word count: 2423

Can also be read here on Ao3

After the arrest of Sicarius, things were… different between Luke and Penelope. They were still only just friends, but their friendship had changed. They had broken through some wall that had been between them, and there was an emotional intimacy that hadn't been there before. They loved it. They told each other everything (well, almost everything,) and spent a lot of their time off together. 

Like that day, for example. They had decided to spend their rainy Saturday off at Penelope's apartment watching movies. He'd brought Roxy over in the morning, and they were making their way through what Penelope dubbed her "Rainy Day Movie Collection." It was full of feel-good, warm and fuzzy movies. Meaning a lot of fluffy rom-coms. Being cuddled with the friend he still harbored deep feelings for under fuzzy blankets all day and watching nothing but love stories, while doing wonders for Luke's soul, was playing tricks on his heart. The situation was so… domestic. It felt like relationships he'd been in in the past.

Around ten o'clock that night, Luke found himself getting extremely tired. Something about the atmosphere… he just felt warm. Safe. Lulled to rest. He swore he'd shut his eyes for just a moment, but as soon as they were closed he felt himself leaning to the side, head resting on Penelope's shoulder. He let out a deep breath and almost fell asleep right there and then. She was just so comfortable.

Penelope laughed lightly and whispered, “You tired?”

“Mhmm,” Luke replied, his eyes still firmly screwed shut. 

“Well okay then.” Trying not to move too much, Penelope paused the movie, then reached up with the same arm he was resting on and started to run her fingers through his hair, nails barely scratching against his scalp, but in a soothing way. After a few minutes of that, he could swear he felt her turn incrementally and brush her lips against his forehead. But he was probably just halfway to dreamland and imagining things. 

“Are you asleep?” Penelope whispered some time later.

Luke had been mostly asleep when she asked that question, but he woke up completely when she spoke. He’d always been a light sleeper. However, he didn’t answer her, because what was the best way to fall asleep other than pretending to be asleep?

“Okay, you are,” Penelope whispered again, placing a gentle kiss at his hairline. 

He definitely hadn’t imagined that one.

He didn’t expect her to keep talking, but she did, her always smooth and light voice sounding even more peaceful as she whispered. “You’re a pretty great guy, Luke Alvez, you know that?”

His heart swelled at the compliment, but he still didn’t say anything.

“I know I don’t say that enough… no one does, actually. And I don’t say anything kind to you as often as you deserve. I’m really sorry about that. I don’t know why I'm saying all this to you while you’re asleep, but here goes I guess. I’ve treated you like garbage the entire time I’ve known you… and you’ve always forgiven me for it. I can’t even begin to say how sorry I am for all the mean things I said to you when you first joined the team and then the first few years after that… and when I lied and told you I couldn’t have a conversation with you unless I was dunking on you… or more recently when I was telling you about Tyler and you were begging me to stop but I didn’t. I never meant to hurt you but I know, looking back, I must have. And I am so, so sorry, Luke. I don’t know what I did to earn your forgiveness, but I’m glad I have it. I appreciate it more than you could ever know. I should definitely tell you all this when you’re awake, and I will! I promise. I think I just need to practice what I want to tell you.”

Luke was trying very hard to pretend like he was still asleep when she was baring her soul to him like that. And she had apologized for what she said on their failed date from three years before… which meant she’d been thinking about it. He thought he was the only one who did that. He wanted to sit up and tell Penelope that he forgave her because he knew that she never meant to hurt him, because when you love someone and they hurt you unintentionally you forgive them, and he loved her. But he didn’t move, didn’t say a thing. He didn’t want this to stop.

Besides, Penelope wasn’t finished talking. “You’re one of the kindest people I have ever met, despite everything I know you’ve been through, you still manage to be one of the most sweet, tender, genuine people around. I don’t think you know how beautiful that is. You are beautiful, Luke Alvez. Inside and out. You are probably the most wholly beautiful person I know, and I know a lot of beautiful people.”

She paused then to kiss his forehead again, and it was all he could do not to move his head and just kiss her. Kiss her and then tell her that she was the most beautiful person that he knew, inside and out, and that he adored her. 

“God, I don’t know why I’m saying all this, you can’t even hear me. TL;DR, you’re amazing, I’m sorry for every terrible thing I have ever said or done to you, and I’m so glad to have you in my life.” With that, she kissed him on the forehead once more, gently got up from the couch and laid him down, and pulled a fuzzy pink blanket up to his chin. 

She leaned down beside the couch then, so their faces were level. Her fingers deftly stroked through his short curls then down his face, her hand resting on his cheek. She stroked his cheek with her thumb a few times—taking in his beauty—before she kissed him on the forehead one final time before heading off to bed herself. 

With a smile on his face, Luke was asleep within minutes.

Penelope, meanwhile, was wide awake, staring at her ceiling. She had no idea why she had said all those things, she just knew that once she started talking she couldn’t stop. But she had meant every word. Everything she had ever felt for Luke had come spilling out of the box in her heart she had crammed it into. Luke truly was amazing, through and through. He had broken down all of her defenses again and again, he had become the person she considered to be her best friend, her confidant. She loved the way their friendship had grown, and she loved him.

Wait. She loved him. She loved him. In any way… in every way. She. Loved. Him. 

There was a time when she would have expected that realization to frighten her–a part of her still did expect that–but it didn't. It settled in her heart and warmed her soul. She loved him. She loved him. She loved him. 

And he likely loved her back. Penelope wasn't blind… she'd seen the suspicious and teasing glances their other teammates–namely Tara and JJ–had given them, and above all, she'd seen the way Luke had looked at her. And the way he hadn't looked at other people. She realized then that, deep down, she had always known how Luke had felt about her. How could she not? He had made it so obvious. Gazing at her like she hung the stars in the sky, acting around her a way he didn't act around others, touching her more than he ever touched others. 

She thought back to when he'd brushed her tears from her cheek a few weeks ago, about the tender way he had said her name, about the way he had held her. She had never felt so many butterflies–nor felt so safe in someone's arms. She had felt so cared about… so loved. Because she was. She knew that now. 

So many things began to make sense as she thought back through his actions through the years… right back to the beginning. He'd led her to believe that Roxy was his girlfriend to what… make her jealous? It had worked. 

They had been orbiting around each other for years, and she'd been combatting all his advances, not even realizing that that was what they were. God, she felt so stupid. And of course sweet, gentle, lovely Luke would never push her, never rush things, never fight her on the senseless boundaries she didn't want to place but felt compelled to. Of course.

Her head was swirling with all these thoughts until her mind was too tired to continue and she finally fell asleep.

Luke was the first to wake up the following morning, and when he went to the washroom he was pleased to see pink lipstick smudges on his forehead, a reminder that the night before had not been a dream, but a reality. As much as he didn't want to, he wiped the lipstick from his face, knowing Penelope might feel embarrassed if she knew she had been caught. Well, he was going to let her know she had been caught anyway, but he had a plan. He knew what he wanted to say. 

He popped an allergy pill–he always had some on him now with how often he and Penelope were spending time together–and went about starting their morning routine. This was not the first time one of them had spent the night at the other's, they even had toiletries, clothes, and pajamas at each other's apartments. He fed Roxy and Sergio, started a pot of coffee, and then got working on making breakfast. 

"Good morning, Sleepyhead," Luke greeted Penelope when she eventually got out of bed forty-five minutes later. 

"Sleepyhead?" Penelope scoffed. "You're one to talk, you fell asleep on my shoulder last night.”

Luke smirked. "No, I didn't." He handed her her coffee.

"What? Yes, you did! I asked you if you were asleep and you didn't respond!" 

Luke was still grinning as he took a sip of his coffee. "Fun fact about me, I'm really good at pretending to sleep, especially if I'm trying to sleep. And I'm a really light sleeper, so if someone says something to me, I'm going to stay awake. Especially if they keep talking." 

Penelope's eyes went wide as she realized what Luke was telling her. "Oh. So you heard everything that I said?"

Luke nodded. 

Penelope blushed. “Oh. Okay. Well, I mean, it’s not like I said anything embarrassing or anything I didn’t mean.”

He smiled at her easy admission of the previous night’s events. “You know, I’ve gotten a lot of compliments throughout my life, I can’t say that beautiful has ever been one of them.”

“Well, you are,” Penelope shyly insisted.

Luke gazed at her softly and took her hand in his. “So are you.”

Her face went bright tomato red and she looked away for a moment to compose herself. When she looked back at him, she said, “And I am really sorry—”

Luke cut her off. “I forgive you. I know you didn’t intend to hurt me, that’s why I forgive you.”

Penelope smiled widely at him. “You really are a great guy, Luke Alvez.”

“And you really are a great woman, Penelope Garcia.”

He leaned in then to give her a hug, pressing a kiss to her cheek right at the corner of her mouth.

Penelope decided that in that moment she would take a leap of courage. She shifted her head ever so slightly to the side so that instead of his lips being pressed against her cheek, they were pressed against her lips.

Terrified of this being a mistake, of it being too much, Luke pulled away as soon as he realized what was happening. He stared at Penelope, eyes wide with shock and scanning her face for some sign of how she was feeling. She smiled at him gently, but still somewhat apprehensively, like she wasn’t sure how he would react. He realized then that it had been intentional. She had wanted to kiss him. So he gave her what he wanted. He kissed her again. This time he wrapped one arm around her waist, pulling her to him, and cradled her face with the other hand.

When he finally pulled away, slightly breathless and panting, he rested his forehead against hers, his eyes still closed. “I love you, Penelope,” he whispered.

Penelope’s nails scratched lightly at the back of his neck where his hair ended. “How long?” She was sure she knew… but she wanted to be certain. Wanted to hear him say it. 

“Since the start.”

“Me too. As much as I tried to deny it or fight it… me too.”

Luke smirked, pulling away to look at her, thumb stroking her cheek. “I know.”

Penelope laughed, but then her breath hitched as Luke’s hand began to move. 

The hand that had been stroking her cheek slowly slid down her face and along her jaw until he had taken her chin between his thumb and forefinger before pulling her in for another kiss.

God, he loved that he was able to do that.

***

As soon as it was something he was able to do, kissing Penelope quickly became Luke’s favorite thing. He would do it as often as he could. Not that Penelope minded, of course. After all, kissing Luke quickly became her favorite thing too. 

They had decided not to tell the team right away, just take the time to simply be together privately. It was the best decision they could have made, since it allowed them to start their relationship completely free from external interference. 

However, their plan to keep things on the down low only lasted a couple of weeks. 

The team was out for drinks, and Luke happened to be getting the next round. “Here you go,” he said, placing Penelope’s drink down in front of her. 

Penelope smiled at him and leaned up to give him a kiss. “Thank you!”

Tara choked on her drink. “Okay, I know I haven’t had enough to drink to be hallucinating, so I’m guessing you two had just enough to drink to forget that we didn’t know about that?”

Penelope and Luke looked at each other sheepishly. “Um. Yeah. I think so.”

[overthinkingtaleblr]

My Light Zeron Headcanon Masterlist

Happy Saturday! It’s time for everyone’s favorite(?) weekly-but-not-guaranteed soirée into My Specific idea of canon!

With the amount I’ve made Light my own guy, this was only a matter of time. Because of the situation he’s in, I originally thought it was best to cover the black cat demon first, since it can help to explain the situation he’s in, but since I’ve been talking about him a Lot rn, I might as well explain how I hc him and what I think his deal is! What’s more, his situation will make it obvious what danger Spooker is in the universes where he carries the demon around, so this is a good one to do b4 Spooks.

History HCs

Light was put into the foster system at a very young age, and he doesn’t really know much about his family. He does know he’s not human, and the logistics of the whole thing, but it doesn’t really come up because what he actually happens to be is hard to define with singular words. Alien works though. Besides, no one else seems to notice or care if he happens to be a little bit different in inconsequential ways. They more care about his ego and complete lack of attention span, the two things that got him the most complaints when he was growing up. He was a lot of a handful and tended to exhaust people quickly, which made it both hard for him to make friends, and hard for the adults in charge to take him seriously. There was an assumption that he was constantly acting out for attention when he, in fact, was just like that and would be doing things whether someone was around him or not. He’s the kind of kid who does a lot of dangerous stuff because he hasn’t broken a bone yet and doesn’t realize his actions have consequences.

It’s while he’s a kid that he would meet and get close to some british kid living in the states for reasons he was kind of cagey about. He was a little sickly, and apparently was here after a poor experience with his father, though Light couldn’t imagine how bad of an experience one would have to have to move continents. The two got along great, being like the first person to have the patience to deal with Light and his energy. They weren’t together for the longest time, Toast being over to a different location soon after, but Light’s lack of other friendships and the instrumental affect that his friendship the boy had on his life basically burned his face and name into his brain for good (plus his weird last name helped). Even with they scarcely saw each other again, Light kept his memories of his first friend close to his heart. And on his sleeve— he does not hide his feelings.

From that rough start, he struggled to decide what he wanted to do with his life, eventually deciding to wait and figure it out, spending the present wasting time however he saw fit. Wandering around from thing to thing, Light is incredibly flighty, choosing to move on to whatever thing catches his fancy. He’s had a multitude of jobs, roles, careers, classes, internships, etc, and has become a real jack of all trades over time. It’s because of this that he took the night shift at a pizza place on the bad side of town. Whether he needed the job or just got super into it because of the encouragement of others is something worth considering, but I do think that’s based on the storyline. He found that for some reason, even when he chooses to veg out and not do his job, or sleep through most of it, he seemed to be doing really well according to the people around him. He wasn’t sure how that worked, but he was not about to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Eventually, he moved in with James Maloney, a person in a similar line of work to Light, and was well-known to people who were more involved than Light for really struggling at it. When the duo first met, it was through someone making a joke that Maloney should be taking pointers from Light, which was pretty embarrassing for both of them. However, the more the two actually talked one to one, the more they actually came to an understanding about the whole thing. Especially since the two actually did share interests outside of their work and were both looking for a roommate.

Appearance HCs

That’s right we’re getting a shiny new section here! Light’s design changes rapidly depending on where in the timeline he’s in, so I figured this part is a really important addition! The designs also have funky little names that I’m weirdly happy with.

Important things of note: I dunno what his natural hair color was, but the purple in his hair is a supernatural thing, not him dying his hair purple. While he curls it early on, his hair is not naturally curly, he just likes it and is willing to put that effort into his look at the time. Also, his natural eye color is purple (alien moments) but they turn yellow when he’s possessed.

SunLight

Bright colors and a sunny outlook on life! Light is a cool guy with chill vibes who isn’t really all that invested in the security job they just landed. He sees it as a way to sleep all night and still pay the bills and not much else. He has a couple other jobs on the side when he first starts working at the pizza place, since everyone eats pizza here. He meets and moves in with Maloney while he’s still in this stage, not caring too much about his job even while other people compliment him for his work with it (he has done literally nothing). He only really starts paying attention when he realizes that the ghost stories at his place of work are a little more than just stories, and even then he just thinks there’s just ghosts and an excuse to reach out to an old friend.

He’s in this phase for a really long time just because he’s ignorant and doesn’t think it’s worth looking the gift horse in the mouth for a long, long time. He probably would’ve changed his appearance a few times than just this, but I use the long red hair with curls as the baseline that this is what phase he’s in. He’s tanned because he goes out in the sun a lot, frequently spending his days outside whether that be for other jobs or just for fun. This is also meant to contrast how he gets the life sucked out of him over time.

FlashLight

After realizing what’s going on and getting a face-to-face encounter with the monster at his workplace, Light starts actually trying to take things seriously. He realizes there was always a danger at his workplace, and starts trying to protect people stupid enough to wander inside. This makes him basically nocturnal and he starts struggling to see his friends during the day, making him come off as weirdly grouchy and antisocial to his friends. Maloney is like the only person who gets to see him regularly, and he’s in the process of learning about his parentage and more about his own alien roots, making Light choose not to talk to him about it to give him time to process his own stuff.

He cuts his hair short so the robots can’t pull it, he starts arming himself in the workplace, and he dedicates his time to ensuring others make it out alive. What he wasn’t anticipating was that he was actually part of the threat, and he was only able to protect people for as long as he was allowed to. He only takes care of himself to the bare minimum, not seeing any reason to actually focus on himself hen everything else going on feels more important and is consuming his time. A lot of his original style is passed to the wayside in replacement of looks that are more sloppy but faster to organize. He is also so tired.

MoonLight

This is after getting turned into something undead, but before things are as bad as they can be. He tries to quit his job and avoid being a threat to other people by avoiding them, holding himself up in a house and hoping for the best, actually using the knowledge he got from his time being a guard. He’s not taking care of himself— completely malnourished, hallucinating vividly, paranoid that he’s going to be pursued by monsters even when in places they reasonably cannot get to. He didn’t intentionally get his hair this time, he only shaved part of it short because the stress was making him lose hair. He doesn’t know why it’s growing back purple, but it just freaks him out more.

Unlike when he’s being controlled by the demon, knives are not his weapon of choice. He prefers harpoon spears since he’s able to throw those long distances and not get close to what might be unstoppable. Plus, his biggest issue with the knife was not being able to get them back, while you can just slap a rope on the harpoon. He doesn’t want to be a threat to other people, but now that he’s literally an undead monster, there’s no getting around it. I imagine his friends do manage to track him down and get him to open up around this point, even if he’s terrified that he poses a threat to them, but if his friends are able to find him, other things are able to as well.

Ultra-ViolentLight

Hehehe puns… Ultraviolet is the actual name, and this is actually based on the closest thing we have to a canon model. This is the model he has when he suddenly starts acting very weird and creepy to the PIE team, and I think making it apart if the narrative of his story is a good way to handle it. Having it so that he’s completely withered away to where his own body doesn’t feel like his own— his eye color is different, his hair color is different, he feels sunken and hollow but almost looks fine— it’s a tame type of psychological body horror that only works if you knew him before everything happened. When the demon controls him, he still moves like a puppet, but he spends so much time in that state that he almost feels weird moving normally.

Long story short, he’s most dangerous like this. He doesn’t have much control over his actions by this phase until the demon decides they’re done with him. He’s basically in the same position as the children Ghost and Spooker banished from his first place of work, except he’s the wrong undead and can’t be banished. Aside from being physically in this plane even as an undead, he’s also contractually tied to the demon. The demon has some level of power with the company, which is why its allowed to hole up at different locations and basically be handed trespassers. Cuz of that, it has power over Light until it decides it doesn’t want him anymore… and considering Light was able to be hailed as the best security guard ever was a choice done by his company, it’s safe to assume they are not a safe group to go to for help.

Things don’t actually end here, I do have stories and ideas where things never get this bad, and other stories and ideas where he doesn’t die after the demon disposes of him, allowing him to actually grow and grow up. I think just having it end on the ultraviolet stage where everything is suffering and pain would be a mistake just specifically because it’s a bit hopeless. I want Light to have a chance to go home to his friends and not feel like a threat to them anymore. And maybe lecture Ghost and Spooker for putting him into that position to begin with.

Relationship HCs

Gavin or Johnny Toast

I’m not sure which brother works better, and I think it may change depending on the universe and how this will benefit the story, but when he was a child in the foster system, he knew one of the Toast twins while they were in the states. This can go in different ways depending on which brother Light met and got close to. Either he and Gavin were close, and Light was the energetic pep to Gavin’s lackluster and kind of tired energy, or he and Johnny were close, and Light was a predecessor close friend to Johnny Ghost.

At some point when they were both still very young, Light lost contact with Toasts, and while he remembered them fondly, he had to keep pushing forward. If he knows Gavin, he got back in contact with the twin when they were older, though Gavin kept him at arm’s length to keep him uninvolved in… Everything. However, knowing either Toast or his brother is what pushes Light to eventually reach out to PIE, even when he’s under the impression that things aren’t that serious. He was hoping to see Toast again— possibly mistaking Johnny for Gavin in universes where the pair never met, and was disappointed to realize that he was actually in prison.

James Maloney

Met through work, Maloney has no idea how some slacker punk guy with a bad dye job who barely cares about his job is somehow doing better civil service than him. They get to know each other a bit, Maloney finds out that Light is just as confused as he is, and though bitter he lightens up to this guy a little. After realizing they’re in the same area that that it would be more convenient, the pair move in together and start living the sitcom life.

Light would be the first one to learn about a lot of the odd things in James’s life, like how he can turn into a bird and how his dad is an alien. Light would just smile and nod, add an interesting introspection to confirm he’s listening, and overall be a good shoulder to lean on. In turn. Light kept his problems to himself and refused to let others know what he was experiencing, which Maloney did notice when he started becoming more closed off. James still feels like he needs to help his friend in some way, even if he’s seemingly refusing help.

And they were ROOMMATES… I don’t know how romantic I want to turn their relationship, but I can definitely say that the opportunity is there.

Jenny Toast

Met through Maloney, Jenny being related to Light’s old childhood friend brought his opinion of her up by like a thousand percent. Even if she can be a bit bossy or otherwise selfish, Light appreciates her company and understanding, especially since Maloney didn’t believe in the paranormal until he realized he was paranormal. Though she would have been a fabulous option to seek help from, Light would be hesitant after hearing her mention how tired she is of her brother’s constantly getting into trouble with the supernatural.

Jimmy Casket

“Guys, are we ABSOLUTELY sure that isn’t me?”

Early in his whole situation — Despite his friends constant insistence that they have met Jimmy Casket and he is a completely different person with no relation to Light, Light’s anxiety keeps chewing at him. He knows that he does Something when he is at work, and that the something is likely very harmful to others. Being Jimmy Casket would actually give him some relief because then he would actually know what was happening and see the aftermath, but Light is rarely if ever able to see the results of his own actions. The lack of closure is difficult to explain, though.

The big difference between Light and Jimmy: When light is possessed, he doesn’t get taken over by another person. That IS still Light making up songs about murder and dancing over bodies of people he initially meant to protect. He’s just in a bit of a trance— when he wakes up, he feels like all the previous events were a dream he’s already forgetting. When it’s happening, he moves like he’s being controlled by a puppeteer… because he literally is. Even if parts of his personality shine through, his intentions, decisions, and actions are chosen by someone else. Part of what makes that so dangerous: pain does not slow him down. Jimmy can be incapacitated, Light can be killed and will keep moving… though it only gets THAT severe after he becomes undead

The Mighty Spence

SOMEHOW light is related to this GOD. Like, not a direct descendant, but still related, making him a DEMIGOD.

Not only is this a thing said in canon, this is a thing that I’m pretty sure is said BY Light in his last video of appearance. I don’t know how he’s aware of this relation AND an orphan alien, so there’s a chance that he lied about something. Taking him directly at face value in the video where he’s talking crazy half the time is something I’m genuinely trying to do, in part because sometimes the truth can hurt more than a demon making you spout nonsense to someone you claim to have known. However, from what I remember from the video it’s gonna be kind of hard to do that because he spouted so much nonsense.

Demigod Alien Orphan…

Spooker’s Demon Cat Plushie

Funnily enough, before this creature I define by Spooker… belonged to Spooker, it was already giving Light grief. Light was not aware of how dangerous it was before it was too late, not even realizing that a demon was behind his anxieties. All he knew was that he building he worked at was haunted as heck, and a childhood friend of his was a ghost-hunter. It seemed like a perfect way to encounter a long-lost friend with no consequences aside from no more haunted house at work. It had consequences.

Turns out, the demon got power/energy from the dead people under it, and Light inadvertently getting all of them banished to a different reality meant. It was kind of pissed at him. It is because of this thing that Light will often be on the side of the animatronics and other beasts in the restaurant. Light’s (and the other animatronics) real role in the place is to basically kill anyone who enters to give the demon a power boost, especially after Light calling in PIE got all the previous ghosts under the demon to be banished.

Because he is alive, Light just so happens to be the face of this whole thing to the company that hired him, and in order to avoid the danger affecting more people, the people in charge just praise him and pretend the problem with the demon doesn’t exist, hoping he stays ignorant to his own actions forever. He was vaguely aware that something was up from like week one, which is why he called PIE even before it was a real problem... So. Assumption failed.

In some AUs this demon is directly associated to the Housekeeper because of its ability to control the dead, which also puts Light into the category of people of interest in my stories where the Housekeeper is a threat. There is never a guarantee he’ll be there, but sometimes!

Trivia!

Looking at Light’s name, I am really tempted to say that he chose it himself. Whether that be for gender reasons or because he just liked it way more than what his og name was I dunno, but I do like the idea of him reclaiming his identity through it when he was finally able to live for himself.

Pronouns he/they, nonbinary achillien, a pile of moths in a trenchcoat.

Sometimes if Gavin needs a friend or associate, I gently (or forcefully) nudge Light into that role. Light is a really, really good hype man for someone who I imagine to be really deadpan and nonreactive, with Light being a hyper ball of overexpressive energy and support. Gavin could be committing murder and Light would be in the background cheering him on.

I kept harping on how Light was way out of his depth and his job was not everything he thought it was but I did forget to mention: Light as mistaken, the main goal of his job is not to prevent people from breaking in, but to keep the dangers inside of the restaurant from either breaking out or becoming public knowledge. Apparently his survival alone, especially while being lazy, says a lot about his character to the people in charge who know what’s happening.

Song HCs

- Roaring 20s by Panic! At The Disco

“🎶 … I don’t even know me … 🎶”

Have you ever not really liked a song, but it fit with a specific character so well that it was stuck on the character like white on rice to the point where you start enjoying the song? Yeah. That’s me with this.

I use this song to explore how he changes over time in my head, it actually helped me solidify the designs. Tracks how overtime, Light goes from an aloof guy, to someone more cautious as he realizes there’s something to be afraid of, then he starts to lose control… idk how to really explain it aside from writing out All my ideas, but

- Not Really a Song HC, but I HAVE Written a script of Light in the Meat Grinder Animation Meme

This is actually where the made ideas of how he moves when possessed came from, with him moving like a puppet and being unperturbed by loss of limbs. Since the whole point of the meme is walk cycles, this was a good way to visualize the difference between how Light normally moved and the uncanny valley of how he moved when being controlled by someone else.

I count this just because I had to listen to the song over and over to write the script and I still look it up. Kind of hard to not consider it solidified in that way.

[songofsoma]

taking a break

tw for SA and racism

if you’re wondering why this is coming today instead of yesterday with @ladiemars’s post it’s because yesterday i was absolutely furious over everything and fully prepared to go scorched earth with how upset one of my best friends was. i slept on it, took a nice shower, and am calm since said friend is doing much better today.

i’m sure many people have seen the call-out post made by @ava-du-mortain about almost two weeks ago now. this person and i have a long history beginning three years ago. we had a conversation that ended up turning into me being mansplained what counted as sexual assault. i don’t talk about my personal life very much on this blog, but when i was in high school i was groomed and then sexually assaulted by a man in a way many people would probably brush off or say i was overexaggerating. so someone trying to explain what was about sexual assault sent me into a spiral that night three years ago. i avoided them ever since 1) not wanting to worsen the situation and 2) i didn’t need that in my life.

i will not be producing screenshots because i deleted our dms soon after it happened. seeing that in my inbox every day made me feel sick. something one person might think is harmless in saying can truly send someone with diagnosed ptsd into a spiral. there is no way an opposite party could've known before, but it was handled poorly even after i explained my experience with sexual assault. I

in regards to the black woman i allegedly called “aggressive,” this person and i used to be friends as we ran in the same friend group. i cared about them but sometimes friendships don’t work. i didn’t like the way they treated other people and decided to no longer be friends with them. we were all teenagers whose friend group imploded and went separate ways. it happens. pap wasn’t even involved in said friend group and was never there. when everything blew up all over again in 2021, things were brought up again and it sucked. i’m a confrontational person. i will call out bad behavior. if you’re an asshole, i will call you an asshole. that is something about me that will never change. 

at the same time, someone who i had been friends with had been told by pap i was being racist in posts toward mason because he’s brown and that i was oversexualizing my brown oc in a way that it was the only reason she existed. mason isn't my favorite character because, around the time that this happened, his characterization held a lot of the same mannerisms as my assaulter. the pushiness and toxic hypersexuality of his character in 2021 (which was something m*shka finally addressed and, to my knowledge fixed) was very similar to the man who assaulted me. i've never had an issue with people who love mason, these were my own issues and something i made light of as a way of coping.

instead of talking to me straight up, they were trying to plan some sort of “intervention” that felt more like an ambush when it was talked about with my friends behind my back. knowing how that friend group could act from witnessing it in the past, my friends told me, worried something like the before-mentioned “call-out” post happening. i’ve always been open to criticism. if i’m doing something wrong, i trust someone to come to me like an adult and discuss it. that didn’t happen and it was twisted into me not wanting to be held accountable when really people who loved me were worried about something similar to this happening. i still tried to have the conversation with the person i am no longer friends with because of this, but tempers were high on both sides and it ended up just being one big disaster. 

that leads me into the point of i have never once claimed to be a person of color. a lot of tumblr accounts don’t have their race listed in their bio. the “evidence” linked was a three-year-old broken about me page that i haven’t had working since i was nineteen and an ask wondering what ethnicity my oc is. 

speaking of my oc, specifically linking asks where she’s sexual or me explicitly stating she likes sex does not mean that is her entire character. she’s developed over the years and has turned out to be a wildly different character than when i first made her. characters grow and change. she does not just exist to be sexualized. if there truly was a problem with her character, i would hope one of the people of color whose opinion i trust would let me know after three or so years. pap’s opinion means little to me in multiple senses from personal experience which is why one person having these specific problems no one else has had is something i disregard. i don’t live my entire life on tumblr. i have people outside this app that i know will hold me accountable. 

as much as i enjoy writing and making content for wayhaven, it’s truly not fun to me anymore. i’ve rediscovered the pleasure of writing for just myself and my friends this past year and have several personal projects i’m working on. many of my mutuals have been lost over this, mostly because they didn’t want to get involved which i could never fault them for, or they were afraid of being blasted in the town square in a similar manner. i wasn’t hit as hard as my friends. once you’ve been doxxed before, someone who hates you on the internet isn’t a huge issue. 

overall, i want to explicitly state—i do not care what you think of me. if you read the post and think i’m awful, block me, unfollow me, it doesn’t really matter to me. i absolutely do not want anyone attacking the person who made the original post, i find that behavior unacceptable. i would simply like to go back to genuinely forgetting they exist like i have done for the past three years. this post is the most attention i will ever give that account ever again because i know the main motivator is looking for a reaction. 

all my prior writings and such will stay up. i don’t know if i’ll continue posting my fics and such. i may take a long break or i may just use this for reblogging purposes, i haven’t decided. 

have a great weekend

lindsay <3

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TWs: toxic friendships, very brief mention of SA

My friends that I’ve been close with for years will upset me a lot, till I snap and say something uncalled for. I can feel myself doing it and know in the second that I’m saying it that I’m lashing out because of their previous behavior but I can’t seem to stop. Its just so frustrating bc then I’m the bad guy and I can’t ever bring up stuff they did to hurt me in the past because I’m known as the over sensitive one now.

Like for example. They often will take digs at stuff I like in a way they don’t do to others, or will have the whole group jump on me for a mistake instead of letting it go like they do for others. They also weren’t there for me when I revealed I was SAd which was incredibly hard for me to do. All these little things are so minor I can’t tell them to stop at the time without seeming ridiculous. But when I bring it up out that they’ve been pushing my buttons for months, they tell me I’ve hurt ther feelings. They make me apologize to them. Partially bc the stuff builds up and I lash out after so many weeks, and then I seem like the jerk.

I just feel so ridiculous because I can clearly see this isn’t a healthy situation but ALL of my friends like them more than they like me. I made the mistake of introducing the toxic group and a less toxic group together and now they all like each other more than me and have separate groupchats that don’t include me. This happens with all of my friendships- I am too sensitive so people leave me bc I’m unstable. I just wish it would stop. I wish someone liked me for who I was and that I could be normal and capable of interacting with people successfully and making them like me. I feel like there is something deeply broken in me because all my friendships turn out like this.

Hi anon,

I'm sorry to hear about what's been going on.

It's important to remember that other people's emotions are not your responsibility. If by explaining that someone's actions hurt you causes that person to be upset, that's not your problem and nobody should force you to apologize for that. It sounds like these friends avoid taking accountability for the harm they've caused you.

It's very likely that confronting them may not give productive results if they're unwilling to take accountability. That being said, if you feel it's worthwhile to try and have a conversation, it might be helpful to start by taking accountability for some of the things you've said that might've hurt them, but also explain your boundaries, and how you deserve respect like everyone else in the friend group.

I also want to just highlight the term reactive abuse, which is essentially when an abuser gets a rise out of you, either to paint you as an abuser or themselves as the victim. I'd especially like to highlight the quote from the text, "The longer it happens, the more the guilt and shame can influence someone’s perception, causing them to believe that they are not only being abusive themselves, but also perhaps responsible for any outbursts by the person abusing them." While I don't exactly know what you said that you felt was "uncalled for", perhaps it's actually justified in context.

It's important to enter friendships, or any relationship for that matter, knowing what your boundaries are, and being confident in asserting them if those boundaries are violated. This is one of the key ways to avoid finding yourself surrounded by toxic people who constantly violate those boundaries.

It may help to self-reflect and ask yourself what you want to do about these friends, whether it's continuing being friends with them, attempting to have an open and honest conversation with them, or going separate ways.

I hope I could help. If anyone else has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[nightshadedawn]

Am I the asshole?

Well, I was going to post to r/AmITheAsshole, but apparently I ramble too much and couldn't get my thing down to only 3,000 characters. It's over 3,000 words. So now I'll post it for you all to enjoy, I guess? All names are fake, of course.

December 25th Kate (22f): “Sooo my anxiety is acting up and I'm worried you're mad at me. Um, are you? Me (22nb): “I will be honest. I have been mad and frustrated. I opened my availability to the closing shift because you said you'd be able to take me to and from work. It has been over a month since you even suggested doing so. I know things have been difficult for you from surgery and the cold hurting your body, but it hasn't been any easier on my parents who have had to be the ones to get me. Especially my mom after her wreck. She didn't have a car for the few days after, but within the week she had to get back to driving me despite how nervous it made her because the other drivers in the house had work responsibilities. I asked you and it was a basically "let me see." Both my parents are old and broken af. The late nights staying up to get me when I can't get a manager to give me a ride isn't doing either of them any favors. I've tried being patient because I know of your own things, but I have grown frustrated.” Kate: “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be an inconvenience and need to take care of a mom who's sick, have to have an emergency surgery, deal with not being able to eat, having the cold hurting my body and not know why. I thought I could, I didn't count on my health going to shit, I didn't count on my migraines being worse. I genuinely thought I could and I'm sorry your parents have to pick up the slack, I really am. Tell your family merry Christmas for me. I'm staying home.”

---

December 26th Kate: “Can we please set up a day we can get together and talk? I am sorry for how I reacted, I should have waited until I wasn't upset to respond.”

---

December 27th Me: “Got a lot going on right now, don't know when there's going to be time.” Kate: Alright, well let me know when you're ready to have a conversation.

---

January 3rd, 8AM Kate: “I want to understand what's going on and listen to what you need from me. This is really bothering me because I care about you and our friendship, so can we set up a time to talk this upcoming week? I would really appreciate it.”

---

January 4th, 10AM Kate: “You have today to set up a time to talk, otherwise I’m blocking you. You’ve had a week to SET SOMETHING UP, not even to talk, just set up a time to talk.”

---

Those are the exact copied messages of the last conversations sent between me and Kate. And, um, sorry about the length. It’s habit from being a writer. And with there being so much backstory that’s important for the main point, I struggled with skimming it down. But I did. A lot. Having said that, let’s provide some context so it can be understood where it’s coming from.

I’ve known Kate since we were in elementary school. Eight years old. Ever since I was young, I’ve been adverse to conflicts. Hearing family yelling in the next room is enough to bring me to tears, let alone getting into a screaming match myself sending me into an anxiety attack. Those, however, are rare. Because I struggle with talking at all, sometimes going entirely nonverbal because of how badly it gives me anxiety, even with my own family. My not talking and conflict avoidance has… made me more or less a doormat in different situations, or the person people want to vent to because I won’t go to the person being talked about to discuss what went on behind their back. Complacency is my flaw for… a lot. Which is probably a factor in what caused everything to snowball as much as it has.

It was something Kate had been the opposite to. She was the extrovert to my introvert, the friendly to my shy, the outspoken to my reserved. For as long as I’ve known her, Kate has been brash, wild, and weirdly able to integrate into any friend group she wants. We were similar in a lot of ways, mostly by our love of fantasy books, writing, and singing. Later, we were some of the only people we knew who understood what it was like to have such powerful migraines as we did or dealing with the severity of anxiety and depression.

In high school, we started writing a book together. It started off as a roleplay that was helping us understand our own trauma and mental health that we later decided to turn into a book. A supernatural murder mystery taking place in Victorian London, told through news articles and journal entries. We’d each made characters to tell the story through. The two she mostly wrote through was the murder victim (based off Kate) who remained as a ghost, and the victim’s Roma lover. My characters were a detective who didn’t believe in the supernatural and a young woman who could see the supernatural and was literally haunted by the ghosts of her past (who was based off me). Back when we were first rewriting it to be a more cohesive book, I felt like she was trying to take too much control of the story. Making the detective useless by having her characters doing more successful investigating, taking things important to my self-insert character and claiming they “were just as important to [Kate’s] characters.” This included a song I wrote very specifically for that character that was an allusion to her ghosts. Wasn’t a catch phrase, but close enough.

This was one of our first major fights. The only other notable one was back in middle school. But I struggled with talking to Kate about the book. She kept dominating the conversations, claiming we’d discussed things and I’d agreed to them when we hadn’t. (A theme that would continue all these years later) I thought that if I couldn’t say what I wanted to say, I could write it. Surely she’d appreciate the work I put into that, putting it all out into words, no rambling, straight to the point. She was also a writer, so she would understand.

So I wrote it all down. I gave it to her mother to in turn give to her, since Kate was not present when I went to drop it off. Her mom appreciated the letter. Thought that was the right choice. Mine did as well. Kate showed up at my house hours later and threw the letter at me, telling me that if I ever did anything like this again instead of just talking to her, she would rip it up without reading it and then smack me. Retrospectively, we never actually worked through the issues we had then. I just gave up, told myself it was fine.

I had roughly been out of work for a year when I got the job I have now. I struggled with finding work because I have a limiting schedule and I can’t drive. (In order of importance: Dad’s schedule, older brother’s, sister’s, Mom’s, mine) It’s something I’ve been working towards slowly, but it’s one of the many things that makes me uneasy. But back in June, my sister Brianne (25) got me a puppy to help with my anxiety and depression. And I’d always swore I would be a good pet parent, so I doubled down on finding a job so I could take care of my puppy. Vaccinations, training, food, everything. Kate offered then to be my ride so I could open my schedule and work nights, seeing as we both didn’t sleep well at night. The only thing she asked was that I pay her gas money. This was agreeable, since of course she’d be using gas to get me to and from work. First job I applied to with nights open I got the job and I’ve held it ever since.

Everything was fine with the job, going well, until early November. Kate had to go into emergency surgery. Something to do with her gallbladder, I think? I was told over the phone so I don’t have messages to go back through to double check that. Understandable that I would need to get a different ride until she’d healed. But even when denying me rides as she’d promised, she started going to this BDSM club (like, chess club, not bar club) frequently with her boyfriend. Telling me about the days she spent out with her boyfriend and his friends, or complaining about having to go grocery shopping for her mom. On my days off, she’d want to go out and do things with me, but when I needed her help to get to work, she either had a migraine, or she was sick, or she was hurting too bad, or she was on new meds that were making her sick, or she had prior obligations.

I was frustrated, but… cold weather was coming. I pushed the frustration aside. Her meds were off frequently because the pharmacy didn’t always have her specific ones in stock. I knew how her migraines could get. I knew how the cold could make her feel. But then my mom got in a wreck going home from taking me to work a week before Thanksgiving. She was okay, but the car was totaled. I asked Kate, despite the things she had troubling her, if she could give me a ride since my mom no longer had a car. Kate’s “we’ll see” response amounted to nothing. I asked, again, even after my mom got a new car three days later, because she was anxious to drive in the dark, along the same route that she’d just gotten into a wreck on. Again, a refusal from Kate. She turned up to Thanksgiving with her boyfriend and a cane, perfectly fine. She didn’t use the cane, just carried it. She also left quickly. Brianne described it as “She was going ‘poor me, poor me’ wanting attention and got pissy when no one gave it to her.”

The trend continued into December. By then, I’d pretty much given up on Kate giving me a ride and was relying on my parents and brother, the only ones in our household who can drive, to get me to work, and the generosity of my absolutely amazing managers to get me home. But the frustration from how Kate had treated Mom’s accident lingered. But! But I knew better than to let it fester. I’d learned my lesson after the book incident.

I didn’t think being honest was going to turn into a problem, because our friendship was supposedly based on honesty, after the fight regarding the book. We needed to be honest about what we were feeling instead of letting things like that fester, to avoid another fight. Which, I thought, was working. We hadn’t had a fight, about the book or otherwise, since that one. So her reaction literally shocked me into stunned silence.

Kate’s been coming to my family’s Christmas since our last year of high school. Everyone had been expecting her. Food had been prepared with her needs in mind, Brianne had prepared the most thoughtful gifts, Kate was counted when we were planning on how many chairs we’d need and how many gifts for the White Elephant. It was a blow that sent me into shock the entirety of Christmas. I tried keeping to the edges of everything so I wasn’t ruining anyone’s Christmas with my bad mood, but I’m not sure how well it worked.

Brianne eventually came up to me to figure out what was going on, find out where Kate was. I showed her the messages, asking if I said something wrong. “That’s gaslighting,” was what she told me amounted to.

By the time Kate messaged me on the 26th, I’d had time to ruminate on her response. How it felt so similar to other areas in our lives. Brushing off what I’m saying, making it seem like I was the problem. It brought up the memories of everything that had irked me in the last year or so. Me: “Do you want to hear about this cool thing I’ve been writing and am really excited about?” Kate: “Not right now, my head hurts. I’m feeling sick. I won’t be able to focus or pay attention, I’m going into little space. I’m hangry.” But she had no problem talking about her books. Other times, while we’re just talking, not even about anything in particular, she’d just get on her phone, or get up and move, or start doing things she had to shout “I can’t hear you!” over while I was trying to talk.

For a specific example, Kate had me over for dinner, and didn’t tell me that her boyfriend and several of his friends would be there, so I had no time to prepare myself to be in a largish crowd. After her boyfriend and his friends left, she asked if I could stay and if we can just sit in silence, but then Kate started talking about things she’s doing on her phone, and got snappy when I tried to. For a while, she wanted me to move in with her, but had insisted for years wherever she moved it would be HER place, her furniture, her utensils, everything would belong to her. She brushed off me trying to tell her no, brushed off when I said I wouldn’t be able to pay the bills she was asking me to because I only work part-time, and winter hours are abysmal so my paychecks are slim. Either brushed off, or she’d get angry because I got two paychecks a month and she only got one from disability, nevermind the fact that her one check amounted to more than an entire month for me.

I was angry at her, but I was sure I was blowing it out of proportion. I didn’t even open the message that day, trying to give it just that one day to calm my emotions. Push them down again. I talked to Brianne again. Going over… everything. Brianne just sort of nodded along, at the end telling me “I know.” “Am I the last to know?” I asked. “Yeah,” she told me. I’d raved about Kate for years, about how dear she was to me, how great of a friend she was. Multiple people across both our families thought we were dating on the downlow for years. But I talked to multiple people at home that day, and they all shared a similar consensus, that Kate did not share my attention well. If she was there, it was difficult to get into a conversation with me, but at the same time, it was hard for me to participate in conversation with Kate.

I knew I couldn’t ignore Kate forever. On the 27th, I opened her message, hoping for a genuine apology. But she wanted to meet up. And I couldn’t get rid of that sick, icky feeling in my stomach and the knots my thoughts were tangled up in. I didn’t want to tell her, I didn’t want her to know. The last time I’d been honest about my thoughts and feelings, look at how she reacted. What if I lost her entirely? What would the in person reaction be?

I did as I do best and tried to avoid the situation until I could put things in order. But it got worse. Kate’s actions on Christmas, things mentioned by family, everything led to further things that had troubled me that I’d buried. How Kate acted when it came to D&D, trying to take control of the campaign when I was the DM, trying to make herself the main character during my genderfluid nibling’s arc. How she made me feel stupid, never able to have clever or intelligent villains, because she’d always point out the flaws in them, she’d talk in circles or bullshit things to make herself appear smart, in a way that if I disagreed with her I’d look stupid. How angry Kate always got whenever she was told she was wrong, especially when it came to how she treated her mother. How when it came to other roleplays she’d done with me, where she’d call herself a background character but act like the main character, and still treat me like I was a background character. How she refused to use my preferred pronouns, when the only place I asked her not to was at home because I wasn’t out yet. How she claimed she was nonbinary too, but only when she disassociated, and that I’d told her that. How blatantly she put words into my mouth that I’d never said.

I couldn’t say anything to her. I was just a spaghetti mess of frustration, anger, and betrayal. Because she’d never listen. Because she’d turn it all around on me. Because her reaction was inconceivable. In order to put my thoughts in order and process them, I made an itemized list. Writing is what helps when I can’t talk, or in this case think, clearly. It started out as a list, but turned into a fully-fledged letter to Kate. I ended up with a six-page word document. It wasn’t full of generalized things, but very specific instances told in all the detail I remembered them in. I told myself “I’ll talk to her. After I finish this, I’ll talk to her.”

That was finished by January 2nd. But despite that, I now had a new problem. What to do with the document now that I had written it. If I sent it to her, she wouldn’t read it. She’d just get mad. Trying to talk about the issues on it with her, she’d either disengage, get angry, or talk over me.

Eventually I decided to record it. I would record me reading my thoughts and send that to Kate, because I was, technically, talking. And since it was meant for and sent to her, I was talking to her. Brianne read over it, and suggested condensing it so I wasn’t piling everything on at once. “Dealing with narcissists like this, you have to tread carefully. If you want to rebuild the relationship, it’ll take time because you have to go slow,” Brianne told me. “If you pile it all on at once, because it would only make Kate shut everything out and not listen. She’ll see it as an accusation, not an explanation.”

I had already made the choice that after sending the recording, I would block Kate on the two main places we messaged, so I could avoid some of the initial anger she would feel and she could actually think about what was said. But it was only going to be for a couple of days. I didn’t think I’d be able to hold out very long. We’d rarely gone longer than a week without texting, calling, seeing each other. She was my best friend, my only friend for the longest time.

Apparently, I was… taking too long. I do feel like maybe it was dragged out longer than possibly necessary, but at the same time I was scared and didn’t know what I was supposed to do. Kate has been a big part of my life for most of it, and I didn’t want to lose her. If I lost her, I wouldn’t HAVE anyone else.

January 3rd, Kate sent her message. Then she showed up, unannounced, uninvited, while I was sleeping. After a super long closing shift, I didn’t get home until after 4AM. She tried waking me up, but I only got to the half-conscious state, so entirely unresponsive and only partially able to comprehend what’s going on around me. I don’t remember what was said, only that she left crying. I didn’t message her. Either in response to the message or to her presence in my bedroom. I knew I needed to send her the recording. It was the only response I had at that point. First, I needed to record it. So I did so that night. I wanted to have Brianne listen to it first, before I sent it, to ensure it still flowed well after I condensed it, and that my emotions weren’t getting the better of me, and that it didn’t feel like I was trying to guilt trip Kate. But I worked again that night, so I recorded it after work. I’d have to talk to Brianne after she got off work the next day.

January 4th was Kate’s last message. By the time I’d gotten up and read her message, sometime around noon, I was already blocked. I realized it when I tried sending her the recording. I was angry. So, I blocked her too.

A month later, and we haven’t spoken still. I recently realized there’s several places we can still communicate through, aside from what we usually messaged each other on. But nothing from her. It wasn’t like there was anything from me either, though. And tonight, I realized all the documents on Google Docs we’d been using for our book were under her ownership. And she revoked my access, so I can’t even get to them. Her mom, not even Kate herself, returned the key she’d had to this house the other day as well.

I think bridges are well and truly burned now. But now I just… can’t help but wonder if I was the one in the wrong here? I don’t think I handled it as well as I could have. But am I the only asshole here?

[frogtanii]

iwaizumi was... overwhelmed, to say the least.

the past few days had been such a whirlwind of change that hajime could barely properly process, much less appropriately react to it all, so he behaved much like a zombie, saying yes when prompted, signing papers when told, and packing up what was his entire life for the past 11 months.

wow. iwaizumi collapsed on his bed as he scanned his now barren bedroom. he’d been here for almost a year and yet, all his belongings were in boxes within a couple of days.

hajime couldn’t keep the disbelieving chuckle from escaping his chest as he leaned back on his bed, dark brown eyes trained on the ceiling.

it felt like he’d spent such a large chunk of his life trapped in this house, under the foot of the woman who he thought he’d marry but in reality, he’d been in little leagues longer than he’d been in love.

iwaizumi scoffed and rolled his eyes. yeah, “in love”. it’d been about a week since his whole life started to unravel and he had hardly seen, let alone spoken to meiko throughout that entire time.

over text, she’d sworn up and down that she loved and cared about him but as she passed by him packing his things a few days ago, she’d barely spared him a second glance.

hajime wasn’t going to lie. it hurt. he’d opened his heart up to her, something he didn’t do easily, and she’d taken his trust and used it to twist him into her weapon.

he always believed he was stronger than this — he’d never forget his mother telling him so when he was younger. he had fallen and scraped his knee yet he refused to cry to keep from upsetting his mom. iwaizumi existed to live up to what his mother thought of him but here he was, completely enveloped in meiko’s shit, doing her dirty work and following her bidding like some mutt.

god, toorū was right. he really was her bitch.

“i could hear you thinking from down the hall, iwa-chan.” speak of the devil...

oikawa stood at his doorway, leaning against the frame with a posture that seemed relaxed at first glance but if you looked a little closer, you’d notice the tenseness in his shoulders and the tightness of his smile.

hajime quickly sat up on his bed before motioning for his old friend to enter. “uh, yeah,” he began, his voice cracking a little from disuse, “i have a lot to think about.”

the light haired brunette let out an understanding hum before wandering into the room, sharp observant eyes darting to look at all the empty walls. “looks like you’re all packed.”

“pretty much,” iwaizumi nodded before the room fell into an awkward silence, the two childhood friends completely avoiding one another’s eyes.

“look, i-“

“iwa-chan, i’m-“

they both paused for a moment before bursting into laughter, the sound carrying into the hall and throughout the house.

hajime wiped a few stray tears from his eyes, shaking his head at their awkwardness. “you first, shittykawa.”

toorū gasped in halfhearted mock offense before quickly sobering up, training iwaizumi with a completely serious look. “i’m sorry and before you go on some bullshit, self sacrificing rant, you’re not the only one to blame for what happened to our friendship.”

he sighed while making his way to iwaizumi’s bed, sitting down gently beside him. “i should’ve known better, okay? i shouldn’t have let my jealousy and insecurities get in between us but i guess i got swept up in the attention, yknow? meiko is actually charming when she wants to be.”

iwaizumi nodded in agreement, knowing all too well how compelling meiko could be. the room fell into a more comfortable silence as both boys escaped into their thoughts, questions about the future of their friendship flitting throughout their minds.

“oh!” oikawa was pulled out of his own head at hajime’s exclamation, his eyes moving to observe his friend dig through his pockets to procure a thick white envelope. “here. i’d like you to give this yn.”

all toorū could do was nod, his brain short circuiting at the sight of iwaizumi’s apparent kindness to the woman he tormented for so long. “uh, what’s in it?” he ventured to ask, his soft hands toying with the sealed envelope flap.

a soft chuckle came from across the bed. “don’t be so nosy toorū, just give it to her, yeah?” oikawa rolled his eyes but obliged, the bed creaking as he stood to his feet.

“so... this is it, huh?” it was like the reality of the situation was just now sinking in — they hadn’t been close in a while but iwaizumi was still his best friend and he wasn’t quite ready to let him go.

they’d been through so much together, practically growing up together and now, they’d only see each other on holidays, if even then, and then he’d never be invited to hajime’s wedding as his best man as they’d planned and he also wouldn’t be the coolest uncle/godfather of iwa’s children and—

“fuck no,” hajime scoffed with a bright grin on his face. “thought you were gonna annoy me til the end of time shittykawa. don’t tell me you’re quitting your job now.”

the hidden meaning behind iwaizumi’s words brought tears to oikawa’s eyes and before he could stop himself, he launched his body into iwa’s arms. hajime hesitated, his hands stuttering at toorū’s sides as though he’d forgotten how to hug but the feeling passed, his arms winding around his friend’s lithe waist.

“‘m gonna miss you hajime,” oikawa’s voice came out as a broken whimper, his arms tightening around his shoulders.

iwaizumi hummed instead of responding, too afraid of his voice cracking under the weight of his emotions. they stood there for a moment but the honk of the moving truck outside signaled the both of them of their limited time.

hurriedly, oikawa wiped the tears off his cheeks before waving awkwardly at iwaizumi as he left the room with a friendly, “don’t be a stranger.”

and then he was gone.

toorū finally allowed himself to collapse into sobs on his best friends empty bed, his palms pressing into his eyes as he sat there and just let himself feel.

apparently, he wasn’t crying very quietly because it took only a few moments for you to find him, your soft footsteps alerting him to your presence. oikawa scrambled to wipe away what he knew was an unattractive mixture of tears and snot as you got closer.

you were one of the last people he wanted to see him like this.

“hey,” you whispered, standing a few feet away from him. “um, i know this is probably a bad time but i just wanted to thank you for apologizing? back at the awards show?”

toorū sniffed as he looked up at you with confusion written on his face. “what? you shouldn’t thank me for apologizing. ‘s common courtesy.”

you laughed softly, nodding in agreement. “well, not always. so, thank you.” finished with your piece and not too keen on lingering where you weren’t wanted, you moved towards the door but were swiftly stopped before you got there.

“um, here. it’s from iwa-chan.” you gaped at the thick envelope oikawa was handing you before taking it and opening it, a low curse falling from your lips.

inside the package was a dense wad of cash, more money than you’d seen in months. accompanied with it was a letter, written in beautifully loopy handwriting.

you shut it quickly before oikawa could see, stuffing the envelope deep within your pocket where you could access it alone in the depths of your room.

“do you wanna come eat? last i heard, bokuto and tsumu were doing a cooking competition and i’m sure it’ll be fun to watch.” you were severely thrown off by the money and letter but you were determined to show toorū that you’d accepted his apology and were on your way to making amends.

he gave you a shy nod and trailed behind you to the kitchen, the loud sounds of fire and screaming coming from down the hall. you wanted to focus on the fun and merriment but the envelope was practically burning a hole in your pocket.

later that night, you finally got the chance to open the letter and read it, your former manager’s words bringing tears to your eyes.

dear yn,

i’m probably the last person you expected to hear from. you probably didn’t want to hear from me at all if i’m being honest and i don’t blame you. i know there is nothing i can say that could make up for what i’ve done to you but i’d like to try.

i’m sorry. those words don’t nearly express in and of themselves how truly remorseful i am but they needed to be said. there’s no excuse for how i treated you — not meiko, not my stress, absolutely nothing.

you deserved my common decency and respect and i didn’t give that to you. instead, i abused my position and made your life hell. i’ll never forgive myself for that.

uh, i bet you’re wondering what the money is? i promise i’m not trying to pay you off, it’s just all the money i’ve denied you since you moved here. i have a lot of wrongs to right and this is one of them.

sorry, i’m not very good with words but i just wanted you to know that i’m very sorry for everything that i’ve done. and i’m in no place to make demands or anything but i just wanted to ask if you’d keep an eye on oikawa for me.

he’s strong but he’s also vulnerable. he might be a pain in my ass but he’s my best friend and since i can’t keep him from drowning, i was wondering if you’d do that - not for me but for him.

anyways, this letter is shit but i suppose you get the gist. use the money for whatever you want and if you’re as unselfish as i’ve heard, you don’t owe me anything. you don’t owe me money, kindness, or forgiveness.

take care of yourself,

iwaizumi hajime

℗ poker face

so... this is it

series masterlist

(●’◡’●)ﾉ

an - soooo m back :D hopefully this is the last of my mini hiatuses!! this chapter sucked to write but i’m not mad at how it turned out?? pls let me know how i did skjdkd don’t forget to feed me <3333

taglist - if your name is in bold, i cannot tag you

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the rest of the tags will be in the replies!!

[hops-hunny]

Stories That Are Told

Pairing: Tarrant “Hatter” Hightopp x Reader

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 2.2k

Summary: (Y/n)’s so used to being the background character in everyone’s story that she forget she can be the main character in her own.

Warnings: Slight angst but majority fluff!

A/N: I love this man with my whole being omg pls

Stumbling into Wonderland with Alice had been a wonderful thing for not only Alice, but (Y/n) as well. For Alice it was an escape from all the things she didn’t wanna do and would never wanna do. She wasn’t forced to marry some sod of a guy who’d make her miserable for the rest of her life or to be the proper lady she was expected to be, but instead she got a taste of freedom. And although it was an escape for (Y/n) as well, it was an escape of a different kind.

In the other world, with it’s dreary skies and monotonous patterns and cycles, (Y/n) lived a very humdrum life. Her family had never been as fortunate as Alice in any ways of the sorts, it was a miracle that they were friends to begin with. Alice’s father had been friends with (Y/n)’s since boyhood and because of that, he always made sure they knew they were welcome to anything of his that they wished. And while (Y/n)’s father had never taken advantage of that from the way Alice’s mother treated (Y/n) and her family, it wouldn’t be hard to think otherwise.

When Charles was still around, she hadn’t done anything out of line. The older woman always kept to herself, occasionally having an afternoon cup of tea with her own mom. However, her true colors and feelings came to light after the passing of her husband. During the next few months after her husband’s absence, the (L/n)s were there for Kingsleighs. Although they didn’t have the funds to help them monetarily (for they also didn’t need it), they offered their labor and services to the two as much as they needed. Farm work, house cleaning, garden maintenance. Anything you could think they had done. But as soon as Helen was well (as well as you could be after losing someone so dear) , she had forbid them from coming to their property. She didn’t believe her and Alice should associate with people of “such low stature” because it didn’t “align with their image”. But that had never stopped Alice.

Anywhere Alice went, (Y/n) was always there by her side right along with her. They practically went everywhere together and that hadn’t changed since they arrived in Wonderland. (Y/n) was grateful that she had chased after her friend. It was like she knew something would happen. Afterall, crazy things always happen when you put two curious girls together for more than a moment. The friends they had made since they arrived were nothing short of lovely. She knew her sister would describe them as odd characters and disturbing individuals. Telling her to stay far away from them and to not associate herself with those types. But what was wrong with being odd or even disturbing? The only things worth doing in life were a bit odd and disturbing and if that made her peculiar than so be it. 

For the first time in her life, she felt as though she belonged. Sure, it wasn’t her story nor her destiny to be here as it was Alice but that did not mean she did not appreciate Wonderland for what it was. The story had never been her story, not here, and certainly not where they were from. Alice was the main chat and she was the topic that would get trickled in after. 

“Everyone has a part to play, (Y/n). Even if it is not large or as set in stone, each person’s role is necessary for the story to progress, even yours. You’ll see.” the words of that tricky caterpillar replayed in her head over and over again whenever she had a moment to think. What had he meant by that? Was her story not more than to be here in support of her dearest friend and the latest edition to their friends? Was she not just a tool in the scheme of things? (Y/n) had never known people of lesser importance as herself to contribute much of anything big to a legacy as large as Alice’s! 

From her end of the table, she watched as Hatter threw his hat high into the air before it landed on his head causing everyone to erupt in a jostled mess of laughter and cheering. She smiled fondly from a far. Tarrant was a kind man. No matter what was going on or where they were, he always had a way of making her feel included. That’s just who he was. He had known what it was like to feel excluded from things and the last thing he’d wanna do is be the cause of that for someone else. But it was nothing more than his nature, that’s it.

“You know, you should just tell him how you feel.” a velvety voice sounded from beside her ear causing her to jump. The (h/c) haired girl glared at the purple cat, reaching a hand to swat him away but he disappeared once more before appearing on her other side. “He watches you often, even when there is not many around to see. But I always do of course.” The Cheshire cat said in a sure tell tone. The girl scoffed at him, shoving another small pastry into her mouth.

“I’m not in the mood for one of your jokes today, cat. So if you’ve come to mock my feelings during my 2nd to last day in Wonderland, I wish you well and send you off.” she huffed out, crossing her arms across her chest, turning her gaze away from him back to Tarrant who was already looking at her. The Hatter gave her a secret wink and a smile before turning back to the March Hare who seemed rather frazzled about something. Or perhaps excited. But once again, the grinning cat appeared in front of her face once more.

“Silly girl, you ignore the plain truth in front of you? I can see why you and Alice get along so well, both of you can be quite foolish. Oh well, the story isn’t over yet after all.” and with that he was gone. What did he mean by that? The story was clearly over. Alice had done what she set out to do. The Jabberwocky had been slain, the White Queen ruled once again, and all had been made well. And what was with everyone with stories? Not everything you can do will always be a story and not every story comes to an end. She decided not to dwell much on it. This was her last night she’d ever spend in Wonderland and she’d rather like to keep it in good memory.

So when the White Queen offered her a hand to dance she took it, their dresses swaying in the wind in oppositional unison. They all danced with one another, twirling, laughing, and having a grand time. The entire time the smile never once left (Y/n)’s face which a certain hatted man enjoyed with all his being.

--------------------------------------------

“I can’t believe you’re leaving today. It seems as if it was only yesterday when you arrived.” the girl swiveled around to see the red head there, a bittersweet smile on his face. His smile grew once she turned to face him. Removing his hat, he bowed as he grabbed one of her hands placing a delicate kiss to the top of it. “I am delighted to have known a woman as graceful as you.” hot tears sprung into her eyes which she quickly got rid of before he stood up. Giggling some she hopped onto the large sit swing, motioning for him to join her.

“Don’t get sad yet, Hatter. I’ve still got a few hours left. You can’t rid of me that easily.” he joined her on the swing, a wide grin still on his face. Although it was partly real, she could tell there was some sadness lingering behind it. (Y/n) turned her gaze to the sight in front of them. From the large benched swing, you could see just about all of wonderland over the edge of the cliff. “Besides, there’s not much to miss. I’m just me.”

“And ‘just you’ is a lot! I’ll miss everything about you. The way you mimic the bird calls you hear, the way you get excited when the rock you skipped across the water goes further than you imagined,” she looked at him in shock as he continued to speak, “E-even the smaller things like how you leave the crust of your sandwich for last and give your crumbs to the ants. But I think more importantly I’ll...I’ll just miss your presence.” he said the last part softly, staring off the edge of the cliff to avoid her gaze. A million thoughts raced through her heads as he spoke. Could it really be? Could he really share the same feelings as she did? (Y/n) reached a shaky (s/c) hand to lay on top of Hatter’s pale one, intertwining their fingers.

“Hatter, I've got something to tell you. During my time here in Wonderland, I’ve enjoyed every second I’ve had with everyone. But more importantly, I’ve enjoyed my time so much with you and I believe it’s only fair to share with you that my feelings I have for you go beyond those of normal friendship. I guess you can say I’ve grown...quite mad for you.” his head whipped to face her as he stared into her eyes, tears welling within his own. He flashed her another smile except this one was genuine, filled with the love and warmth he had shown her the entirety of her time in Wonderland.

“(Y/n)! Alice sent me to fetch you. I’m afraid it’s time for the two of you to head back.”

-----------------------------

After a lot of shedded tears, heartfelt speeches, and goodbyes that were nothing short of wholesome, it was time for the two to head home. Alice patted (Y/n)’s shoulder before holding her arm out for her to grab. As they neared the portal, (Y/n) turned around once more to stare at her friends but when she got to Tarrant, her heart began to break. The gaze they held with one another was long until she simply couldn’t take it. Without thinking she ran up to him once more, grabbing his shoulders tightly.

“Hatter, Tarrant, I need to know how you feel. I couldn’t live with myself if I left and never knew.” he shook his head, looking away from her as he tried to stop the waterworks that were withheld behind the dam. Hot tears streamed down the delicate skin of the girl’s face. “Hatter...please.” her voice was broken as she begged.

“I believe I wasn’t honest myself either. I am completely enamored by you, my dear. I wish I had said something sooner but even though I couldn’t, I’ll always hold a special place for you in here.” he said, placing a hand over his heart. Standing on the tips of her toes, she leaned forward placing a quick peck to his cheek.

“What if it isn’t too late? What if I stayed?” she started, watching as he shook his head, “Hatter listen! You may think I’d regret if I stay but I think I would regret even more not following my heart the first time it’s ever tried to tell me something. Nothing would make me happier than staying here with you...that is if you’d allow it.” a silence fell over as everyone awaited his answer. Without another thought Hatter leaned down, pressing his lips to hers. The kiss was soft and sweet. Filled with a silent promise, a silent vow to care for her as deeply as his heart will allow. 

“I do not know what I did to get so lucky, but I would do it again if needed.” she felt herself grow flustered at his words. A quick peck was placed on his lips before walking over to Alice once again. The blonde had tears of her own in her eyes. She was glad her friend had found something to fight for, something to call her own. But also for the first time in many years, they would not see each other everyday as they once did. They both stared at each other before throwing themselves into each other's arms, laughing in unison as bittersweet tears fell.

“Good luck. Make sure you put your foot down. You’re Alice! You listen to no one and march to no one’s drum but your own.” Alice gave her a curt nod.

“Take care. We’ll meet again, do not doubt it.” 

Although Alice’s story had seemingly come to an end, it seemed as though (Y/n)’s story was just beginning. For once she wasn’t the side character in someone’s tale, but the main character in her own.

TAGSLIST: @de4ds0up @pink-hufflepuff​ @redpanda-poetry​

[xreaderbooks]

Two sides (2)

Pair: ACOTAR Azriel x reader

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: Language, implied smut

Summary: Y/N has been in love with Cassian for centuries now, Just how Azriel has been with Mor. Both heartbroken by their unrequited love they fall into a routine of 'one-night stands', Not realizing their each others mate.

Masterlist - Part 1

A/N: So I dont know how accurate the mate information is, like I said before I haven’t read the ACOTAR series since 2019 so I probably got a couple things wrong or didn’t write the characters the way you would expect them to act. I chose to make them more how they would be in head canons if you get what I mean. Either way I really hope you enjoyed the 2nd and final part to Two sides :) Feel free to send requests for Azriel or any other Acotar characters. Thank you all for the support <3

"We need to talk."

"Okay," Azriel says skeptically, he walks over to sit on the chair across from you.

"I wanted to apologize for the other night," You shifted in your seat as you spoke, you were noticeably uncomfortable. That bothered Azriel, he wanted you to feel natural not forced, he didn't know where that desire came from but it was true. Even if this conversation was a bit awkward. "I never meant to make you feel used, I guess, I just needed a distraction."

"From seeing Cassian and Nesta together?" He asked. You bit your lip and nodded. "Y/N, I didn't feel used." He let out a small chuckle. "I enjoyed it, actually. And a bit flattered that you chose to-" He coughed awkwardly, "share that part of yourself with me." You grinned. You eased up a bit after knowing that Azriel didn't feel bad about what happened the other night, and even enjoyed it. It also warmed your heart at the fact that this was one of the rare moments that he felt comfortable enough to talk about how he was feeling. Despite it probably being out of sympathy or to defuse the tension.

"Oh," You chirped "well good. The last thing I wanted to do was fuck up our friendship."

He shook his head, "Y/N you've done a lot in the past few centuries that could've fucked up this friendship and we're still okay, better than okay considering. Besides Mor and I are still friends even after..." He tensed up, you went over to him and hesitantly put your hand on top of his.

"I know." You gave him a small smile. "I have an idea, I'll admit it's not my brightest but it will benefit the both of us."

His eyebrow quirked, "Your ideas are never the brightest, that's why you're just my second."

"Okay, wow." You blinked, removing your hand, and started pacing around the room. "First Rhys made me your second because I'm good at my job and you're just better cause of your shadows." He glared at you when you made the comment about his shadows. "Two, I've had a couple of good ideas in the past you just never go through with them."

"Maybe it's because all your ideas are reckless and we'd get caught if we did our job by using your so-called good ideas." He got up to meet you when you turned around to face the other way, you were met by his chest in your way.

You huffed when you looked up at him. "Whatever, I'm pretty sure you were going to like this one." He gave a nod to continue. "I- you know what I think it's better if I just show you."

He cocked his head to the side. You took this as an opportunity to grab him by the back of his neck and slammed your lips onto his. Immediately after he put his hands on your waist, pulling you closer. He started walking backward, leading you towards one of the bedrooms. Your foreheads pressed together but you paused from kissing him, catching your breath. You knew he could hear your heartbeat, beating quicker by the second, his heart was beating faster too. It gave you all the encouragement you needed to start taking off your clothes.

"So this was your bright idea," Azriel asked, while also hurriedly taking off his clothes.

"Mhm." Was your response before nodding and relocating your lips onto his.

The intensity of it made your heart stutter. You wanted him and at that moment he wanted you. He truly wanted you, you both felt it and took that feeling, using it to fuel the passion in that kiss. He moved down to your neck, nipping and biting at it. You moved your hand to slowly graze his wings, which made him freeze. Azriel gave you a look that made your body go on overdrive.

He picked you up, you wrapped your legs around his waist as he continued to "eat your neck" as Cassian had said all those days before. You rolled your eyes at the thought, but then they rolled back as Azriel bit at a sensitive area that intensified that already intoxicating feeling you got when you were with him.

And you wished it never ended.

~~~

"How do you feel about this?" You asked, hoping he'd be okay with it. So far he hadn't opposed.

"I don't want to hurt you." He confessed. You knew he meant physically, he could be a little rough sometimes. You were okay with that though, You rolled your eyes at his comment.

"I'm serious Y/N." He looked you in the eye. You were back at the training grounds of the Illyrian camp. You didn't specify any details, so you both didn't care about speaking in public.

"I'm a big girl, I think I can handle it." You began to walk ahead of him, He grabbed your forearm and pulled you back to face him, a hint of a smile on your face. "Only if you're sure."

Your smile faded once you saw that he was genuinely concerned. "Az, you wouldn't hurt me. I trust you."

He froze and let you go. He had a hard time letting people see how he was feeling but you could tell he was struggling with letting you in and his self-deprecation.

~~~

You had kept your secret "relationship" hidden from everyone else, as much as you could. It didn't take long. They were extremely nosy and it was difficult with Mor being your best friend. She always knew when you were lying and had insisted you were acting differently. You would always blow it off and say you had a good day, telling a random story you just thought of on the spot.

Cassian had continued to tease you about your secret lover-- which only intrigued Mor even further-- you avoided the truth most of the time. You and Azriel would be extra careful when doing what you did. Sometimes even going to Inns and you would both winnow to the location.

Going through all that trouble only for Amren to find out and threaten to tell the others. She tried to blackmail you into buying her a pure diamond bracelet. As if she couldn't afford it yourself. You talked to Azriel about it and you both decided you didn't care if anyone else knew, it's only a matter of time before they found out anyway. Plus you could use the money to buy a house somewhere private in Velaris. You enjoyed the privacy and lack of teasing for as long as it lasted.

Amren didn't tell but as you predicted, everyone did find out. Some already had suspicions like Mor, Rhys, and Feyre. Amren wouldn't have known if she hadn't caught you both and Cassian never would have thought. You'd be lying if you said you weren't disappointed at him not showing any sign of jealousy. You knew he wouldn't be, being caught up with Nesta and all but you still held hope. You considered yourself a fool and would try to fuck the feelings out of you with Azriel. And most of the time it worked.

~~~

Months went by as sleeping with your best friend became your new normal. You never would have thought that you'd be one of those mysterious girls that Azriel hooked up with, ever since that night, you were the only girl. You had to admit, you liked the idea; being Azriel's only girl. But you knew that although you would be the only girl in his bed, Mor will always be on his mind. Not that you blamed him, you were still somewhat hung up on Cassian. After you can't get rid of 500+ years of feelings.

As you laid next to Azriel, who now stayed nights instead of leaving right after, You admired his tattoos, the intricate designs, you fought the urge to trace them. You did anyways but only a centimeter away from his chest so you wouldn't wake him. In the morning light that slipped through a slight gap in your curtains, It shone right on him. He looked ethereal.

You always knew he was attractive most Illyrian men were, at least if they weren't assholes most of the time. You had time now, to actually take in his beauty. You could never understand how someone so beautiful and kind could be so broken. You guessed that's why you chose him to spend your nights with, instead of some random guy. You could help him and heal him and get him to appreciate himself more.

The shadows around him became more active, it made him tense up. He was awake. You lifted your hand up to up to move the stray hair that fell onto his face. At that moment, you felt your world shift an overwhelming sensation of love and adoration consumed your body and you snatched your hand away from him. You were in pure shock.

'Holy fuck' Was the only thing going through your head.

"What's wrong?"He questioned as if he could sense your distress. His voice hoarse from just waking up.

"Nothing." You said, immediately getting up and getting dressed in whatever you had closest to you. "You should, um, You should get going. I have a lot of reports to do, I've been holding them off but Rhys has been asking me for them for the longest so I should get on it."

Azriel sat up, the bed sheet covering one leg and another part. His perfectly sculpted body in your bed, the lighting, half of his leg uncovered by the blanket. You tried to compose yourself to figure out what you would do. Hoping that he didn't pick up on how different you were acting. It was no use he probably already expected something was up.

To try to ease the tension you sat next to him, brushing the hair out of his face, dragging your fingertips down to the side of his face, and kissed his cheek. You ignored the tingles you felt as his face nuzzled into your hand. Hesitantly, you remove your hand and got up from the bed, and sat at the desk you had in your room. You pretended to read through old letters from officials.

Azriel took that as his cue to leave. He got dressed and pressed a kiss to the back of your head before he left.

He definitely knew something, that's not how your mornings usually go. You would at least spend an hour or two together either talking or enjoying each other's presence before sending each other off to your respective duties. However due to your new discovery of Azriel being your mate. You panicked. What would you do now?

~~~

Hours had passed and you hadn't left your room, choosing to focus on the reports that you did in fact, have to do. Rhys just wasn't expecting them for another week or so. Mor then busted into your room. "Knock, knock bitch."

"Uh, hello gorgeous, didn't expect a lovely visit from you today." You said sarcastically, turning your chair to face her. She dropped the shopping bags onto your floor. You lifted a brow in question.

"We're going on a trip!"

"I'm busy." You turned back around to focus on what you were writing.

"It's a fun work one." You twisted your chair around again.

"How do you mean?"

"Day court gala, bonding with people, gaining trust, and all that." She waved it off as if you didn't need to know actual information. You decided you'd ask for details from Rhysand later.

"And you went shopping." You gestured to all of the bags. "like you don't have tons of outfits you could take."

"Well of course I do. These are for you." She grinned.

"W-what?"

"Just because you're supposed to be invisible and all that, doesn't mean you have to be like that all the time." She referred to your job description, being another spy for Rhysand, relying on you being a woman to get information from people Azriel couldn't. Kind of ridiculous considering Azriel's shadows allowed him to get all the information needed but it was an easy enough job. Unlike Az, you didn't have shadows to command so you stuck to your black outfits tunics, and suits that would help you move easily. You never really dressed up, unless it was for an occasion, but you enjoyed doing it when you could. Most of the time you would be on duty or something like it so you couldn't.

This Gala gave you the perfect excuse too. You were thankful to Mor for having bought you these dresses and accessories. You were pretty sure you had worn all the dresses you had in your closet already.

"Yeah, you're right." You gave her a half-smile. Part of you wondered what Azriel's reaction would be to you in one of these revealing dresses. You shook the thought from your head. You would dress for yourself not for some male, even if that male is your mate.

You debated whether to tell Mor or not. She might be able to help you with your internal battle. Part of you was hurt about Cassian not being your mate. Another part always knew that he wasn't, and another part of you wondered how Azriel would react. Did he feel the bond snap into place? Or was it a Feyre-Rhysand situation where the bond would snap into place at another moment? Would he reject you cause you weren't Mor?

You opted to tell Mor at the day court where you would have more space and privacy from the others.

~~~

Helion's words about uniting and bonding were very heartwarming and kind, but you couldn't get past the thoughts that swarmed your mind. You took advantage of this time with everyone listening to Helions welcoming speech and sneakily made your way over to where Mor was standing. You pretended to greet her with a kiss and whispered in her ear to meet you in the room you were staying at.

"Thank the cauldron you came along, Helion was droning on and was about to make me fall asleep." She joked as she sauntered into your room. She paused her amused tone as soon as she saw your face. "You were fine like two minutes ago."

"Glad to know, I'm good at hiding it." You forced a smile. She tilted her head as if to ask you 'what's wrong', so you told her. You told her that Azriel was your mate and how it happened. You told her of your fears of rejection and confusion with your love for Cassian. It was a different love now, you felt it. There was a shift in what you felt towards Cassian and more intense feelings for Azriel. You suspected the bond but you didn't mind it. You then opened up about your insecurity about him rejecting you for her. Which she shut down, though she knew what you meant.

"Mor, Azriel loves you, like I loved Cassian. What if his love for you is stronger and he refuses to let go. We all know the only reason he never went for you is his trouble with his self-worth." Those were harsh words, but they were true. "He could easily reject me for you, knowing you don't love him in that way."

"You don't know that Y/N. And you loved Cassian, probably as much as Azriel loved me. After all this time you spent together, you truly don't think he would have changed the way he feels for me?" She grabbed your hand in hers. "You and Azriel are like two sides of the same coin, he's all dark and brooding and you, well you're the same in some ways. But you bring out the light and you can cast out all of his darkness with a simple smile."

"I don't know." You whispered. You were scared. Your feelings for Azriel already began to grow, without the bond, with it in place now it was strengthened. Your feelings for Cassian was a background noise that would soon grow into a more familial type of love.

"What should I do Mor?" You whimpered, you put your face in your hands. "I feel like a girl with a crush. This is ridiculous."

She laughed and nodded. "Yes, yes it is. On the bright side, if he doesn't know about you being mates, you could still have fun with other people."

You gave her a look. "You forget that he's my designated person to 'have fun' with."

"I didn't know you had a conversation on exclusivity." She shrugged and walked over to the cart that had alcoholic drinks, at the corner of the room.

"Technically we did when we agreed to sleep with each other when we felt like it." You reasoned.

"Hm." She mused, sipping on her drink. "I still say enjoy tonight, dance with a few males, or females, and if you two end up having sex with him again just enjoy the time you have with him."

"Thanks for the talk, Mor."

"Of course darling, by the way, I highly doubt he'll reject you. If he does he's an idiot and I'll kill him." She sent a wink your way and left you in your room to think.

~~~

Azriel watched as you swayed your hips to the beat of the music. A man who he didn't know came up from behind you, keeping up with you. That was the first of many. He felt a twinge of jealousy in his gut. He attempted to force that emotion down. He couldn't understand where that was coming from.

He was keeping watch, even though he always made sure to keep a lookout for danger to his court. Mor and Cassian tried to get him to ease up, he didn't budge. Who would pry Cassian from more liquor when he's had enough to drink if Azriel wasn't sober? He used the excuse of being the only responsible one to keep an eye on her. Y/n, Azriel thought he knew what it was to love someone because of Mor but what Azriel felt for Y/N was different. It felt raw and real and whatever it was, was growing fast. She was easy to talk to, not that he did much of that but she listened, actually listened when he did, and she didn't pry or hover as much as the others. They tend to beat around the bush when wanting to know about what was going on with him. Unlike Y/N who would take her time to make sure he felt comfortable and if, he wasn't, she would change the topic and act normal.

Y/N was a calming presence that allowed him to just be. She brought out another side of him that he thought he could never be.

That's why when he felt a change in the way he saw her dancing with a new guy than the one she was with earlier, it all made sense. She was his mate. He saw red as he practically flew to where they were. The fae males' hands that were roaming your bonds were ripped away from you and he dragged him away. Azriel pinned the man against the wall. People began to stare and talk in hushed whispers, appalled at the sight.

"Never touch my mate, again." He growled. He dug his fingers into the guy's neck.

"I-I didn't know." The man choked out.

"Well, now you do." He muttered, letting the man slump to the ground. He went over to where you were standing, eyes wide. His eyes softened while looking at you. He slowed as he got to you. "Can we talk?"

You nodded your head and began to walk toward an empty hall.

"I'm sorry if I scared you." He kept his voice low but soft. He was afraid, you would want to run away.

"You didn't." You stood there staring at him. You tried to figure him out, to no avail. His face was always stoic. "I- I thought you'd reject me and now I don't know what to do." You confessed.

"You knew?" He tried to recall if you had acted any differently. His shadows had felt the change in your demeanor and set out in whispers when you were rushing him out. He brushed it off, he should've looked more into it. The last thing he wanted to do was to make you feel unwanted or rejected.

"Since yesterday morning." You confirmed. Your anxiety consumed you, you heard of the pain that came along with being rejected by your mate. Some have died from it. Little did you know Azriel was worrying about the same exact thing. Not thinking himself worthy enough of your affection. He allowed himself the pleasure of being in bed with you, assuming it was nothing more and he couldn't get hurt you or be hurt that way. It was a release from another pain you both had the displeasure of feeling.

"I want you to know it is an honor to have you as my mate." He took a step closer.

"Really? Honestly, I thought..." You shook your head. "Nevermind."

He looked confused but let it go, if you wanted to tell him you would. "Guess this means I have to go cook you something." You let out a laugh. He smiled an actual wide beautiful smile. Azriel grabbed your face and kissed you.

It was soon interrupted by a very drunk Mor who shouted, "Finally!"

Cassian was right behind her, "Mor! I forgot where the bathroom was, can y-" He paused looking between you and Azriel. "Oooh getting freaky in the hall, that's new. Hey Y/N if he isn't hitting it right, you know where to find me." He winked at you. Azriel gave him a murderous look, putting his arm in front of you. 'So he's gonna be one of those', you thought.

You couldn't wait till the second part of the mating process.

Tags: @wildchild2707​ ,@theworthlessqueen​ ,@ciciakai​ ,@rockinginneverland​

[youreyeslookliketheocean]

youreyeslookliketheocean’s DSMP Fic Recs!!

Figured it was about time for one of these... :)

Mostly SBI-centric because they’re my favorite dynamic. I’ll probably add to this list as time goes on, and I also want to go back through my ao3 history and find some lesser-known fics I really enjoyed to rec them all. But for now...

* oneshot  ** unfinished work

** the lights go out (my heart goes still) by curseworm

With his old home unwelcoming and his new one gone, Tommy is alone. After hours of staggering through the freezing snow, he finds a cabin.

Technoblade’s cabin.

He hides himself away in the deepest corner he can find, taking only what he needs to survive, wasting away in the cold and the dark. He’s petrified at the thought of being found out, terrified of what he thinks Techno would do to him.

When Techno finds his injured teenage brother huddled in a filthy little cave beneath his basement, the rage he feels is immeasurable. The voices demand blood, and blood he will give them. Dream won’t be getting away with this one.

(On the other side of the world, in a country that floats on a man-made lake, Philza gets himself in a bit of a pickle.) 

** The hearth down under by Crystalquill

A tiny change gives Tommy the courage to flee to the Nether instead of the cold tundra, finding an unlikely ally in the midst of a fiery hellscape.

But tiny changes can alter the course of history. The SMP will never be the same.

(Lots of cool Nether worldbuilding in this one!!)

to be a wanderer, wandering by hydrangeasheart

Tommy's feet drag in the snow.

It's so, so cold. He's so cold. His toes are freezing. His exposed shins feel like they’ve been cut open-- even the one that’s bandaged. His wings have gone numb, which is almost, almost good, because now he can’t feel the shifting, broken bones inside of the left one, just under feathers and muscle.

He doesn’t know why he’s still walking.

-

Or, Tommy leaves the exploded ruins of Logstedshire behind, and walks until he finds somewhere safe.

And things keep going from there.

(A canon-divergent AU, splitting off somewhere around when Tommy started hiding out below Techno's house.)

that’s, like, a hundred miles by No_one_you_know (and then “as long as i’m here”, and “he’s my brother, i just raise him”)

Dream would kill him. Dream was going to kill him- he was going to- no, he wouldn’t. Dream was his friend- friends don’t hit each other- Dream was supposed to take care of him- Dream /was/ taking care of him.

It hurt to breathe. It hurt to think. He couldn’t clear his thoughts as he stumbled to the family computer, pulling up a tab on google and frantically typing the name into the search bar.

The words Technoblade Watson stared back at him, the little black bar at the end of the letters blinking slowly, mocking him.

Why, of all people, did it have to be Technoblade?

in short: the one where dream sucks as a parental figure, tommy runs away, and visits his least favorite family member technoblade.

passerine by thcscus(blujamas)

Do I really need to put the summary here? Pretty much everyone knows this fic. Also, though, if you enjoy this one you should totally read thcscus’ connected fic, “shrike”!! It’s only at 2 chapters right now but it’s already really good and has this dark, foresty aesthetic I love...

not with a bang but with a whimper by dip_dyed_ghost

He knows Tubbo doesn’t care about him anymore. He knows that. He’s been shown that. But it doesn’t stop Tommy from caring about him. He brushes the pads of his fingers over the compass’s glass and wonders how he’s doing, if he’s tired of it all yet, if he needs help. He watches the way it points strongly in the direction over the ocean. He hopes he’s alright.

Even after everything, he hopes he’s alright.

During his exile, Tommy finds a drugged and hurt Tubbo on his doorstep. He can’t not help him.  

(This one has a neat take on potions, in my opinion. Also it’s only 4 chapters so it’s a quick read!)

take this compass, follow it home by lightning_anon

Tommy's a fuck up, he can't pay attention, and never sits still. He taps his hands, pushes people away, and has never had a best friend. He's a screwed up, forgotten kid lost in the foster system. He's also just been placed with a new family. Tommy knows how this goes, he never ends up staying long. After all, no one wants a fuck up like him.

Why would this house be any different?

Or: the obligatory sleepy bois foster fic, but with a focus on the neurodivergent kids that inevitably get lost in the system.

(Genuinely want to see more books like this in original fiction. It’s part of what inspired my newest og wip, “To Build a Home.” So sweet and I feel like I had my eyes opened to some neurodivergent tendencies I never knew existed. I read this in a day and can’t rec it enough.)

bloodlines by youreyeslookliketheocean

Tommy’s an orphan on the run from his previous guardian. Philza’s a king who prides himself on keeping his kingdom in an era of peace. Wilbur’s the crown prince, and Techno’s right beside him as his adopted brother. When Phil’s kingdom of Pogtopia is threatened by the bloodvines—a strange, brainwashing plant infecting many of the surrounding kingdoms—the four must work together to keep the kingdom, and their family, safe. --- A royal au sbi fic... + the bloodvines, for spice.

(Yes I’m self-promoting. But, in my defense, I’m very proud of it. If you checked it out it would mean the world to me :’))

Heat Waves by tbhyourelame

Dream has always held a gentle admiration for George, but when their nuanced friendship trickles into his sleeping mind, he awakens to a new world of conflicting emotions and longing. Lost in the midst of a heat wave, he continuously listens to a song that works itself in to the very core of his heartache. Floridian nights, unsent messages, spiraling infatuation, and terrible, terrible weather.

Another fic I think pretty much everyone knows about. Listen, listen... I was once an idiot who said “Oh no, I’ll never read Heat Waves. It’s irl, not characters, and it’s probably cringe”... No. I was so wrong. This fic is wonderfully written, with a pretty quick moving plot and great characterizations. You do need an ao3 account to access it, though. Just to let you know. (Also read “Helium”, unfinished and hasn’t updated in awhile, but it’s the continuation). 

Guitar Strings and Keyrings are What it Takes to Build a Home by Anonymous

Techno was adopted by Phil when he was 12 years old.

He'd been enjoying his morning before Phil came to him asking if he would mind them taking in another kid. Against his better judgement, Techno agrees and ends up with two new foster brothers who he was determined to not get attached to, no matter what.

Tommyinnit’s unbeatable method of avoiding sudden death by eneliii

“I uh,” Tommy starts, not knowing how to break this to the hero lightly. He hates to be the bearer of bad news. “I think your powers are broken? It’s not a bad thing of course, but like, I swear you tried to mind control me and it like, totally failed. Which is fine, honestly, don’t feel insecure. Everyone’s power stop working sometimes… I think.”

Sheesh, this is very awkward. Why is no one else talking? Why is Philza looking at him like he grew three heads? Why is the Blade staring at him so intensely? Why is Willow still frozen?

“Did I, did I hit a nerve? Yikes,” Tommy hisses, “Well um,” He steps back, bracing his legs and bending his knees, “This was like super fun, but I’m - I’mma head out.”

or,

in which Tommy manages to annoy the hell out of Phil, Techno and Wilbur by being both impossible to catch and irritatingly endearing.

or or,

a crack fic where Tommy is a vigilante and Phil, Techno and Wilbur are the heroes hunting him down.

(Feel like I am obligated to say how incredibly funny this fic is. Seriously. I have a distinct memory of sitting on my neighborhood park’s swing, giggling hysterically, while reading this. Well...until the end... but we won’t get into that...)

** bones in the ocean by bunflower

“Your reputation precedes you, y’know.”

“Does it, now?” Philza watches him coyly from where he’s now leaning against the wall, arms folded around his chains and gaze half-lidded, his lips curled in an arrogant, cat-like smirk.

“The Angel of Death, the ferryman of the Styx, the terror of the western seas. One of the most feared captains ever to sail, and yet, I have to wonder… how did a man like you end up all on his own? We searched the area where you were found—not another soul in sight. So,” He fixes him with a long look, allowing the silence to hover like a dark cloud, the words rolling off of his tongue with all the venom and smugness he can muster, “—tell me, Philza. Where is your crew?”

OR: Technoblade is a naval captain, and Phil his unwilling prisoner. Somehow, they manage to come out of it as friends in the end.

(Is this fic considered popular like passerine/Heat Waves now? Cause I feel like it’s reputation precedes itself, at this point... Pirate au.)

****

Okay! That’s it for now. Like I said, though, I want to add to this over time and also dig back for some older things I’ve read. Also, if you have any recs feel free to send them in! I’m about to go back to school and therefore might not have time for reading fun stuff, but whenever I get the chance I’d love to check them out!!!

Happy Reading!!

[dreamcatcherrs]

a high school prom au where the reader and Dream are like childhood best friends and the readers date shows up with someone else then when the reader feels all lonely, Dream is like “what if we danced🥺” ??? anyways love you and your fanfics you’re like my favorite writer on tumblr💖💘

+ this is such a cute concept! I’ve never written anything like this, but I hope it was what you wanted<3

++ also this is such an old request, I’m so sorry

prom night - dream

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: high school au! dream x reader

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: after being abandoned by your prom date, the person you expected the least to spend the night with asks you for a dance.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬: 1.501

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: angst, fluff, swearing, slight mention of alcohol use.

song recommendation: love on the brain - rihanna

you couldn’t believe your eyes.

there your date stood, arm wrapped around a person that you for sure knew wasn't you. the excitement disappeared from every corner and edge of your body, hands falling to your sides in complete disappointment.

proudly, your so-called date stepped forward in line with a smile on their face, waiting to be the next for the photo shoot the had been set up. your smile was gone. and so was your passion for continuing this prom.

looking down, you turned on your heels, walking away from the great asshole of a date, and finding an empty seat by one of the available tables.

you’d wondered why it took so long for your date to arrive - you should’ve known, really. but no - now you were just left sitting alone by an empty table. what was the point of even being there anymore when all you could feel was loneliness?

everyone else was having fun, partying and smiling about the night ahead of them - just like you should’ve been. but now, you were just left with feeling disappointed in yourself. how could you make yourself believe that someone actually wanted to bring a date like you to the prom? what were you thinking?

you sighed deeply as you rested your head in the palm of your hand, other hand busy with tracing the cutouts on the table.

“just go over there, man!”

“yeah, they’re just sitting there all alone… this is your perfect chance!”

clay scratched the back of his head, staring down at the drink in his hand.

“I don't know… what if they say no?”

george and nick both rolled their eyes. the only one who really believed that was gonna happen would be clay. it was crystal clear to literally everyone else that the two of you had developed feelings for each other over the many years of knowing one another. clay would always brush it off with a “we’re just friends”, but really, he knew they were right.

he’d known you since he was 8 and you 7 - having been best friends since that day and until last year. you'd kinda… broken off since then. as you grew older, more important things had distracted you from keeping the connection, and eventually, you just slipped away.

he knew he liked you as more than a friend. but he was certain you didn't.

after all, you wanted to go with a complete dickhead, who ditched you anyway. and now look where you were.

“hey guys~ why are you wasting the night just standing here? let’s party!” karl slurred as he came crashing into george and nick, swinging both arms around their shoulder from behind.

as george was busy pushing karls’ arm off of him, and nick pulling him closer, clay’s eyes were only focused on you. you looked so… sad. no one should be sad on their prom night, and frankly, maybe his friends were right.

before he knew it, his feet dragged him across the dance floor, towards your place on the chair. george’s eyes widened, a big smile spreading across his face, showing off his braces.

“would you two stop flirting with each other and watch what is happening right now?”

nick and karl giggled.

“why, are you jealous gogy?” nick teased, causing a light shade of pink to brush across george’s cheeks.

“shut up-”

“hey.”

the second you broke away from your melancholy stare at the table, your heart started racing and a wave of sweat danced across your skin. he hadn't talked to you since… you couldn’t even remember the last time.

lifting your head off your hand, you sat up straight, watching as clay scratched the back of his neck nervously.

“hi,” you responded, voice quiet and unsure.

why was he talking to you all of a sudden? after all these months with absolutely no contact with each other, now he wants to talk to you? on the other hand, it’s not like you'd been very communicative with him either…

clay hesitated slightly, shifting on his feet. “why are you sitting here all alone? I thought you had a date?”

you sighed, corner of your lips turning down slightly. “yeah… they ditched me.” you looked away from him, feeling somewhat embarrassed that you'd let yourself get into a situation like that.

clay felt bad. how could someone let go so easily of someone as perfect as you? on the other hand, this meant that no one else could have you - and that made him kind of relieved.

he hesitated a little before speaking up again; “what a dickhead.”

that made you laugh a little. “yeah.”

silence approached after that, and a tension started building up. the both of you could feel the unspoken words you'd been keeping from each other rise up - yet you remained quiet.

after all, there wasn’t really anyone you could blame your fading friendship on - apart from yourselves.

clay cleared his throat, as a new, slower song came on, hand reaching out in front of him, hovering right before you. your eyes trailed along his tux-clad arm and up to his eyes, noticing the withheld love in them.

“do you wanna dance with me?”

you blinked at him, thankful that the fluorescent lights made it hard for him to see the blush on your cheeks. your heart felt as if it was pounding out of your chest.

“I-,” you stuttered, recollecting yourself quickly before placing your hand into his, fitting perfectly right into his palm. you smiled up at him softly. “I’d love to.” he smiled back to you, gripping onto your hand and lead you through the large crowd of people onto the dance floor.

he turned to you, taking in how absolutely breathtaking you looked right then. it was hard for him not to blurt out compliments at you at any given chance.

his hands found their place on your waist, and you let your hand snake around his neck, resting right where his haircut ended. it tickled him in a way that made him realise just how much he had missed your touch - hell, even talking to you reminded him of how lonely he’d felt without you.

slowly, the two of you swayed from side to side along to the song, just staring into each others eyes. clay sneaked a glance down at your lips, quickly averting his eyes again once you parted them.

“I’m really sorry we haven’t talked for so long,” you spoke, twirling a finger around one of his locks. “I miss it a lot. I missed you, clay.”

you stared at him with a look of guilt, biting down on your bottom lips once you'd finished your sentence. you looked down again, feeling sorry that you hadn't reached out to him before.

clay moved a hand to your cheek, tilting your head upwards so you'd look at him again. your eyes widened at the touch of his fingers, and you melted into his hand once his thumb bushed across the soft skin of your cheek.

“I missed you too, y/n. don't be sorry about that - I could’ve reached out too, y’know? we’re both guilty on that note. but, now that I can finally talk to you again, I don't wanna worry about the past, okay? I just want you to have a good night.”

you smiled softly at his words, feeling a wave of forgiveness wash over you. it felt good to know that you had your friend back again.

“I don't think my night can be ruined at this point,” you smiled, moving your hands from his nape to his shoulders instead.

“well, can I still make it a little bit better?” you raised an eyebrow at him, cocking your head to the side slightly.

his eyes fell down to look at your lips again, this time not being able to hold back from the temptation.

your lips attached to his.

and everything around you just stopped.

your eyes fluttered closed, leaning into the kiss once you realised what was happening, only making him pull you closer to him. his lips moved so gently, slowly against yours, a withheld desire finally being released.

who cared about the things that’d gotten in the way of your friendship? all that mattered right now was this very moment - that’s all that ever mattered.

“yes clay!”

“finally he fucking did it.”

the yelling coming from karl and nick from a distance away made the two of you break away from each other, turning your heads to the direction of them. george elbowed nick in the stomach to stop him from jumping into the air, revealing their spying spot.

you chuckled lightly at them, slowly turning your head back to clay with a lick of your lips. clay sent them a nice “fuck off” with his middle fingers, before also returning to the current situation and smiling at you widely.

“better now?”

you smiled wider at that. if only he knew.

______________________________________

tag list✰

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[r3dmare]

𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙧𝙤𝙡𝙚𝙨 // 𝙟.𝙨𝙪𝙝 . 𝙋𝙏 𝙊𝙉𝙀- 𝙃𝙤𝙩 𝙊𝙣𝙚𝙨

-> 𝗂𝗇 𝗐𝗁𝗂𝖼𝗁 𝗉𝗋𝗈𝗆𝗈𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗆𝗈𝗏𝗂𝖾 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗃𝗈𝗁𝗇𝗇𝗒 (𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽: 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖻𝖾𝗌𝗍 𝖿𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗇𝖽 𝗐𝗁𝗈 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗆𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍 𝗃𝗎𝗌𝗍 𝖻𝖾 𝗂𝗇 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁) 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝗍𝗈 𝖻𝖾 𝖾𝖺𝗌𝗂𝖾𝗋 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗇 𝖺𝖼𝗍𝗎𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒 𝖿𝗂𝗅𝗆𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗂𝗍... 𝗋𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍?

-> 𝗃𝗈𝗁𝗇𝗇𝗒 𝗌𝗎𝗁 𝗑 𝖿𝖾𝗆𝖺𝗅𝖾 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋 , 𝖺𝖼𝗍𝗈𝗋!𝖺𝗎 , 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝖽 𝖼𝗈𝗎𝗇𝗍: 𝟨.𝟤𝗄

-> 𝖺/𝗇: 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗌𝖾𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗌 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝖻𝖾 𝗂𝗇 𝖺𝗇 𝗂𝗇𝗍𝖾𝗋𝗏𝗂𝖾𝗐 𝖿𝗈𝗋𝗆𝖺𝗍, 𝖻𝖺𝗌𝖾𝖽 𝗈𝖿𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝗋𝖾𝖾 𝗉𝗈𝗉𝗎𝗅𝖺𝗋 𝗂𝗇𝗍𝖾𝗋𝗏𝗂𝖾𝗐 𝗌𝖾𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗌, 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗂𝗇𝖼𝗅𝗎𝖽𝖾 𝗰𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝘀𝗲𝘅𝘂𝗮𝗹 𝗶𝗻𝗻𝘂𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗼𝘀, 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝘀𝗲𝘅, 𝖺𝗌 𝗐𝖾𝗅𝗅 𝖺𝗌 𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌 𝗈𝖿 𝗱𝗲𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝗼𝗰𝗱, 𝘁𝗼𝘅𝗶𝗰 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽𝘀, 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗐𝗁𝖾𝗇 𝗃𝗈𝗁𝗇𝗇𝗒 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗒/𝗇 𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝗍𝖺𝗅𝗄𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗂𝗋 𝖺𝖼𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗋𝗈𝗅𝖾𝗌.

-> 𝖺 𝖧𝖴𝖦𝖤 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗇𝗄 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗍𝗈 𝗆𝗒 𝖻𝗎𝖻 𝗇𝗂𝗄𝗄𝗂 ( @sehunniepot ) 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗁𝖾𝗅𝗉𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗆𝖾 𝖾𝖽𝗂𝗍, 𝖾𝗇𝖼𝗈𝗎𝗋𝖺𝗀𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗆𝖾, 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗋𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗃𝗎𝗌𝗍 𝖻𝖾𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖻𝖾𝗌𝗍. 𝗌𝗁𝖾 𝖺𝗅𝗌𝗈 𝗇𝖺𝗆𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗌𝖾𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗌 𝖻𝖾𝖼𝖺𝗎𝗌𝖾 𝗌𝗁𝖾 𝗂𝗌 𝖺𝗇 𝖺𝗇𝗀𝖾𝗅 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖻𝖾𝗌𝗍 𝗂𝖽𝖾𝖺𝗌 𝗈𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗉𝗅𝖺𝗇𝖾𝗍 ❥

-> 𝖳𝖠𝖦𝖫𝖨𝖲𝖳 (𝗁𝗆𝗎 𝗍𝗈 𝗃𝗈𝗂𝗇!) : @sehunniepot @pimpnameyannie

Johnny Suh Teases Y/N L/N While Eating Spicy Wings

SEAN: Hey, what’s going on everybody? For ‘First We Feast’, I’m Sean Evans, and you’re watching Hot Ones!

the camera angles shifts from sean to a shot of the table. he is sitting across johnny and y/n, who are smiling at each other while sean introduces the video. they quickly break their gaze and look at sean.

SEAN: It’s the show with hot questions, and even hotter wings.

the camera pans directly to johnny and y/n.

Y/N: *whispering, excited* He said the thing, oh my gosh.

SEAN: Today we are joined by Johnny Suh and Y/N L/N!

the video cuts to photos of johnny.

SEAN, VOICEOVER: He rose to fame through his YouTube channel and his acting career took off through a number of indie films. Since then, he has been the face of several Hollywood blockbusters.

the video cuts to photos of y/n.

SEAN, VOICEOVER: She’s an Emmy award winning actress well-known for a number of TV roles—most notably for her starring role in the HBO series, ‘Obsession.’

the video cuts to photos of them both.

SEAN, VOICEOVER: Their latest work is the critically acclaimed film, ‘Day Dream,’ currently in theatres.

the video cuts to the camera pointed at johnny and y/n.

SEAN: Y/N L/N, Johnny Suh, welcome to the show.

Y/N: Thank you for having us.

JOHNNY: Thank you, we’re happy to be here!

the camera shifts to a shot of the table. johnny sits on the outside, but y/n’s chair is pulled very close to his. their arms are practically overlapped.

SEAN: I’m excited, viewers are excited—we’ve had so many requests to have you two on the show.

y/n beams, excitedly gesturing between herself and the table with her hands. johnny stares at her, smiling.

Y/N: It’s literally a dream come true—I love this show, I’ve seen all the episodes—I feel like this is the true mark of success.

JOHNNY: She’s been talking about this nonstop since we found out we’d be on.

y/n swats his arm.

SEAN: It’s okay—we’re all stoked to have you here! But the question is: can you two handle the spice?

JOHNNY: I’m pretty confident about it.

Y/N: That isn’t saying much, you’re confident about everything…

JOHNNY: She actually really loves spicy food. She can handle it.

Y/N: I do love it…but I’m not trying to fuck it up by saying I’m good at managing it, though.

SEAN: Well, I have a feeling you two will do great.

it cuts to the intro—shots of the hot sauce bottles, as well as the logo for the show.

the camera is back on y/n and johnny.

JOHNNY: Ready?

Y/N: Always.

the two tap their wings together, as if clinking glasses, and take bites.

the hot sauce and its spice level is shown.

JOHNNY: Shit, these are really good. Nice flavor.

Y/N: Can I eat the whole thing? I’m hungry.

SEAN: Yeah, of course.

johnny laughs at y/n proceeding to dig into the wing.

SEAN: So, you two are very successful at a young age. Johnny, you’ve been vlogging for years, and Y/N, you got your start with small roles in TV shows, and now have an Emmy. Are you surprised about how quickly you achieved so much in the span of a few years?

johnny nods at y/n, letting her go first, smiling fondly at her and watching. the camera pans to y/n.

Y/N: Y’know… yeah. *laughs* I’d be lying if I said that it wasn’t absolutely insane and overwhelming. I went from a few lines in shows to starting an HBO series? With a fucking Emmy? I never expected to get that role or any of this and I’m still confused about it. Acting… all this, it’s my life. It’s what I’ve wanted since I was a kid, and I’m so, so grateful for how far I’ve come. *laughs* I don’t know how anyone let me get here, though.

JOHNNY: *exasperated* Oh, c’mon, Y/N. You’re a star.

SEAN: It’s definitely well deserved. Johnny?

the camera settles on johnny, who pulls his gaze away from y/n to look at sean. y/n keeps her eyes on johnny, a soft expression on her face.

JOHNNY: I started out just as a kid with a camera. I grew up wanting to act, wanting to sing, and being very into photography and visuals. My channel started out as me just talking or doing stuff with my friends and it grew bigger than I could’ve imagined. I’m beyond lucky for how far I’ve come—and to get to direct and produce a lot of my projects is great.

SEAN: Speaking of, my next question for you is actually about your experience in the production of films. How does directing and producing have an affect on you now as an actor? Even for projects like ‘Day Dream,’ where you aren’t taking a role in production.

johnny runs a hand through his hair, nodding.

JOHNNY: *pauses then laughs* Shit, did I get sauce in my hair? I hope I didn’t.

y/n leans closer to him, and he lowers his head to her level. she runs his fingers through his hair, and shakes her head.

Y/N: Nah, you’re good.

SEAN: Just be careful around the eyes!

Y/N: *fangirling* AH, I knew you were going to say that—fuck, sorry… big fan.

SEAN: *laughing* You’ve seen a bit, then?

Y/N: Totally. Oh, sorry Johnny—interrupted.

JOHNNY: Don’t you always?

johnny laughs, and y/n pouts in response.

JOHNNY: Just messing around, don’t worry. But, yeah, I actually like this question a lot. Honestly, it gives a whole other dimension to the experience. I think that we—as actors—always invest love and care into our work because we want it to be the best it can be. We all come in wanting to do well for not only ourselves but for production. Like, we already know how big of a job it is for them, how hard it is but when you’ve been there, it’s different. You start to look at things you wouldn’t notice before and it’s almost like you’re hyper-aware of many more facets of shooting than you normally would think about—and I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

Y/N: *musing* No, it’s not.

JOHNNY: It gives you more drive.

SEAN: Totally. And I’ve seen your work— you’ve pulled off so many different roles, but I think how you executed the filmmaking was even more impressive.

JOHNNY: *grinning* Thanks, man. That means a lot.

the next sauce is shown, as well as it’s scoville level.

the camera cuts back to them, biting into the wings.

Y/N: I don’t taste much of a difference in the sauce…is my palate broken?

JOHNNY: Wouldn’t be surprised… weirdo.

Y/N: Oh, fuck off.

SEAN: It creeps up on you, but then it piles on all at once.

Y/N: Are you even fazed by it anymore, Sean?

SEAN: You’d think I’m more used to the hotter ones, but it still gets me sometimes.

Y/N: It doesn’t show.

johnny looks over at y/n’s wing and scoffs, jokingly.

JOHNNY: Damn, Y/N, at least clean the bone better.

Y/N: *frowning* I don’t wanna mess up my makeup.

SEAN: So, Y/N, this is your first movie. How does the filming differ from TV—is it any harder or easier? Do you have a preference and how have you felt through the process?

Y/N: It’s not that different—for me, anyway, I don’t know what others might say. I was so stoked to get this, especially because the concept for the film is pretty different to most of the romcoms I’ve seen in the past. Not as cheesy—it feels like a real romance. In fact, it felt—well, not easier, because, like, with ‘Obsession’ I’m so comfortable with my role and my cast but it was kind of the same here. Being with Johnny was great because I’ve known him for so long and it felt natural to be working with him.

johnny is, yet again, staring and smiling at her. you can almost see the hearts in his eyes.

SEAN: Johnny, did you feel similarly?

JOHNNY: *snapping out of it to look at sean* Of course. Y/N’s been in my life for what seems like forever and I was even more excited about taking the role when I found out she’d be doing it with me. She said it best—it was natural.

the next sauce is shown.

they all bite into the wings.

SEAN: How we feelin’?

Y/N: This one’s got a ‘lil kick to it, but it’s still pretty mild. I love this flavor.

JOHNNY: Yeah, this one’s my favorite so far, flavor-wise.

SEAN: We have some for you guys to take home, don’t worry.

Y/N: Oh, you’re the best.

SEAN: Kind of going off where we were, the internet is raving about your chemistry.

the two laugh, y/n looking slightly shy.

SEAN: You mentioned it was easy to star together, given your friendship. Was there anything, though, that was particularly hard?

unseen on the camera, johnny rests his hand on y/n’s thigh under the table, in a casual manner. she stiffens slightly, then relaxes as he speaks.

JOHNNY: For this project, I mean, Y/N was perfect. She executed the role of Audrey beautifully and when you have someone who just knows exactly how to play their part, it makes shooting feel more immersive and intimate. She’s just perfect.

Y/N: *beaming* I feel the same about you—you played Chris flawlessly.

johnny thanks her, and rubs circles onto her thigh with his thumb.

Y/N: For my first film, I’m beyond happy I got to do it with him. He’s been in my life for years, like, we met when we were twenty, and I just felt… everything was, like, comfortable, and easy, and safe. Gotta be real, though, the sex scenes were weird.

SEAN: *laughing* Oh?

JOHNNY: *bewildered* Are we going there?

Y/N: *shrugs* I mean… is that okay? Can I not say that?

SEAN: No, you can. We don’t bleep cussing on here, so I think it’s fine.

Y/N: I won’t share all the gory details.

JOHNNY: I don’t mind.

johnny is smirking, and looking intently at y/n. she tries not to falter under his gaze.

Y/N: *laughs* It was just kind of bizarre to see him like that? I mean, it’s my job, it wasn’t a big deal, I kept my professionalism, but was it strange? Absolutely.

y/n laughs nervously.

JOHNNY: I didn’t think it was that weird.

Y/N: *sarcastic* Yeah, okay. For real, though, it was my first sex scene, I was nervous, and he made me feel protected and comfortable… *quietly, cutely* Thank you for that.

JOHNNY: *fondly* You’re welcome. Yeah, I’m messing around, it was a little odd…but my goal was to make her comfortable. Our crew is great, of course, but it’s notoriously harder for women in the industry than it is for men. I care about her, I just want her to be okay.

SEAN: It really is. I’m glad you two were comfortable during all that.

y/n is looking down, biting her lip as she smiles.

the next sauce shows up on screen.

the camera shows the table as they all take a bite.

Y/N: Ooh.

johnny and sean laugh.

SEAN: Is this one harder?

JOHNNY: It’s a bit hotter.

Y/N: Nothing unmanageable, though. It’s kind of… fruity?

SEAN: It has mango in it.

JOHNNY: I think it really adds to it, it’s nice.

SEAN: So, something I wanna ask you two is about music. Johnny, I know you’re a great singer, and have been interested in music for a long time, being in musicals. And Y/N, you’ve contributed songs to the ‘Obsession’ soundtrack— you’re very musically talented as well. Tell me—do either of you have any musical plans for the future? And who has inspired you, musically?

JOHNNY: *laughing* Thanks, man, I appreciate that. Uh, honestly, I grew up listening to such a wide range of music. I definitely have plans to create my own music down the line… but I can’t really say when. I’m focused on acting right now, y’know? But it’ll be sooner than you think. As far as musical influences… God, it’s all over the place.

Y/N: You love Coldplay.

JOHNNY: Yeah, they’re my favorite artist. I like so many genres… *absentminded* Y/N showed me a lot of stuff, too.

y/n grins, patting johnny’s hand.

Y/N: Yeah! We would just share airpods between takes and listen to music… It was nice.

SEAN: I heard you two also fell asleep a lot on set.

they both laugh hard.

Y/N: We did—it was like a running joke. Jaehyun and Yerim—they were also in the film—always took pictures and teased us.

johnny laughs again.

Y/N: Oh! Yeah, to answer your question… to be honest, I was surprised that they asked me to do a song. I knew Kyungsoo would be—I mean, everyone’s heard his voice. He’s a god, he’s good at fuckin’ everything. But I think he, Jongin and Sehun tattled on me to the execs, because they heard me singing in my trailer. I work with such assholes. *laughs* I’m joking… but, yeah! It was pretty cool… I didn’t even know I was capable of sounding that good. I don’t wanna sound like I’m bragging—I was just surprised when I heard the track. And people liked it! I would definitely consider—

johnny is staring intently at y/n, who has sauce on the corner of her mouth. while she’s speaking, he reaches out to grab her chin with one hand and uses the thumb on his other hand to wipe the sauce. sean feels as if he’s interrupting a private moment, and y/n falters, cutting off.

Y/N: *speaking to johnny as if the two are in their own little word* -did I have sauce?

johnny licks the thumb with the sauce on it, casually, nodding.

JOHNNY: Yeah, just a little.

SEAN: *laughing* Do you like this one that much?

JOHNNY: *smiling, speaking lowly* Yeah it has… a nice flavor. *his demeanor changes quickly, smoothly, his tone becoming light-hearted* It’ll probably get worse from here though, right?

y/n is internally malfunctioning, but masks it. it worsens when he places his hand back secretly on her thigh. her heart is hammering in her chest and she resists the urge to aggressively bounce her leg. she’s SO into him, and he’s fueling the flame. unbeknownst to her, he is definitely flirting.

SEAN: Most definitely.

the fifth sauce pops up, as well as the scoville level.

they all take bites, and y/n smiles.

Y/N: Yeahhh, y’know, this one is… hot.

SEAN: Are you doing okay?

Y/N: Oh, hell yeah. It’s good. All of these have such great flavors—I’m excited to take the sauces home.

JOHNNY: I know she’s gonna cook something with it as soon as she gets home.

SEAN: You’ll have to send me what you do. You like to cook?

JOHNNY: *quickly, beating y/n to answering* Dude, she’s an amazing cook.

Y/N: *embarassed* I’m okay… I really love to cook though. *laughing* Wife me up.

johnny smiles slightly at that.

Y/N: One of our friends, he’s a rapper, Mark Lee?

SEAN: Yeah! He’s great, I’ve met him.

JOHNNY: I love that kid.

Y/N: Yeah, I’m pissed at him. He was noticed by Gordon Ramsey.

johnny is cracking up, and sean smiles.

SEAN: I think I heard about that.

Y/N: Yeah, a fan tweeted a picture of Mark’s shitty scrambled eggs at him, saying it was her boyfriend. And he fucking told her to break up with him. *laughing hard* I mean, I’m just jealous, because I love Gordon Ramsey and would love to be noticed by him.

SEAN: Gordon, if you’re watching this, Y/N is dying to meet you.

y/n shakes her head, shy.

JOHNNY: She’s too much of a shy little wimp for that.

Y/N: Is today shit on Y/N day? Goddamn…

SEAN: So, we have a segment on the show we like to call ‘Explain That Gram’. Basically, we just take pictures from your Instagram that need more context.

Y/N: I love this.

a staff member brings a laptop to sean.

SEAN: We’ll start with Johnny?

JOHNNY: Bring it.

the screen shows a photo from johnny’s instagram. y/n and johnny can be heard laughing their asses off at the picture shown.

SEAN, VOICEOVER: So, this is you and Ten Lee, the dancer and model, who you’re close friends with. Can you explain *laughs* what’s going on here?

the screen goes back to the camera pointed at johnny. he’s laughing with his head in his hands and y/n is suppressing her laughter.

JOHNNY: *clearing his throat and composing himself* Yeah, so that’s Ten. *he laughs more*

Y/N: God, I love Ten. I miss him.

JOHNNY: Yeah, he’s great. One of my very best friends. So basically, I was visiting him at his home in Thailand. He was supposed to come to Chicago, actually, but his schedule got packed at the last moment. But I had an idea to take photos in front of a greenscreen, wear ‘I Love Chicago’ shirts, and put images of city landmarks behind us.

Y/N: That doesn’t look like Chicago, John.

JOHNNY: Well, that one’s a wave. That one was just funny.

a photo of from y/n’s instagram is shown on screen. once again, they all burst out laughing.

SEAN, VOICEOVER: Here you are, wearing a dinosaur head. Could you give the context?

the camera is on y/n.

Y/N: *smiling* God, my face hurts… fuck, you know how to pick them, huh?

SEAN: That’s the game!

Y/N: Uh, well, Johnny actually took this photo.

JOHNNY: *grinning* Yup.

Y/N: You see, what happened was… we were in Walmart with our friend Seulgi, and I found a dinosaur head. And because I’m a literal child, I thought it would be hilarious to pretend to be a dinosaur and chase them around. It was an action shot.

another photo pops up on screen, again from y/n’s instagram.

SEAN, VOICEOVER: Here you two are getting on a plane. Can I ask what you’re doing here, Johnny?

the camera pans to johnny, who is grinning.

JOHNNY: We were actually boarding the plane to go visit my parents in Chicago. It was a few days after we wrapped up filming—

Y/N: —I have to interject before he lies about what was really happening. Here is concrete proof that Johnny bullies me. Little shit.

JOHNNY: *staring into the camera* I was not bullying her. She was already making us late, and I was trying to board the plane, not pose for selfies.

Y/N: … Honestly, all I heard was you saying you were bullying me.

SEAN: *laughing* You were running late, Y/N?

JOHNNY: She’s always running late.

Y/N: Well— *hesitates* unfortunately, I can’t dispute that.

both johnny and sean laugh, as does the crew behind the cameras.

JOHNNY: That’s why she has me. I keep her on time.

Y/N: I don’t know why I keep you—pain in my ass. *she smiles, despite herself*

JOHNNY: We keep getting sidetracked. *laughs* But, yeah, we were going to stay with my parents for a week in Chicago. It was really great.

SEAN: You’re from Chicago, originally, right?

JOHNNY: Yup! Born and raised. I spent some summers in Korea, and I’ve always had a connection there—it’s where my parents grew up, it’s where they met, where my family is—but Chicago is always gonna be my true home.

Y/N: Honestly, it’s great there. I always have the time of my life when I visit—especially because Mr. and Mrs. Suh are amazing. I love them to death, and I’m always so grateful for how welcoming and loving they are.

they move on to the sixth sauce.

Y/N: So, this one is making my lips tingle. Not bad, though.

JOHNNY: Ooh, yeah, that’s a little bit hotter. ‘S good.

SEAN: So, let’s talk about ‘Day Dream’. The film, as well as your characters, Audrey and Chris, and their journey through love, mental illness, and success has been captivating audiences worldwide. What drew you two to the film? Did you feel connected to your characters, and were there any parts of the film that were particularly hard to film?

Y/N: You first.

JOHNNY: As soon as my manager explained the premise and Chris’ character, I was hooked. Of course, I didn’t understand the complexity and intensity of our characters yet—but something was instantly so interesting and captivating. *he pauses* Chris was challenging for me—in a good way, of course. We have this guy who has so much going for him—but so much more holding him back. He’s really… going through it. He’s got serious, intense OCD, as well as depression. I didn’t want to fuck up my portrayal of him, or OCD, so I did a lot of research, and I reached out to people with OCD. I learned a lot. Honestly, though, he’s suffering. He’s struggling, and he wants someone to hold him together. He makes finding love his priority, he tries to make it the answer, to make Audrey the answer. He invests everything in her. I just wanted to make his mindset, his genuine and pure love for her… I wanted it to feel as real and human as it is, and for people to understand why he does what he does, why he says what he says. I’m being a little vague— *laughs* I just don’t want to spoil it. But, yeah, Chris is very important to me. I was absolutely honored to play him.

SEAN: It was very, very evident that you put thought and love into him, and to the film. I think you pulled it off seamlessly, Johnny.

JOHNNY: Thank you, man.

Y/N: *nudging him, reminding* Were there any parts harder to film than others?

JOHNNY: Oh, right! Sorry… ugh, I don’t want to spoil anything.

SEAN: You don’t have to answer it if you’re concerned about spoiling.

JOHNNY: Okay. Well, if you’ve seen the film, or even if you haven’t… there’s a scene near the end, where Chris is alone… you’ll know what I’m talking about. It was difficult.

SEAN: Y/N?

Y/N: Okay. *she exhales* Hopefully I can articulate this well. I was attracted to the film for the same reasons as Johnny. But… what really did it for me was reading the monologue I was given for my audition. I don’t wanna say what it is, since I guess we are a spoiler-free zone, but it was so raw and real. I just fell in love with Audrey, I really did. She’s an aspiring novelist, and she truly loves writing, and words, and feeling. Maybe it’s also one of her biggest flaws… but she can’t bring herself to write a feeling she doesn’t understand. That’s, like, her thing. Every emotion—every smile, every tear, she has to have felt it for it to mean something. That’s what broke my heart. Life has just beat her to death, and on top of everything she’s been through, after how numb she has been for most of her life, it’s like she craves that sort of pain, the heartbreak. She falls in love easily, and she wants the impending heartbreak as much as she fears it. She wants her muse. She wants someone to give her the pain she wants to write about. It’s really fucked up. But she meets Chris, and she invests her mind, her body, her soul into him—and she doesn’t know what she wants anymore. She’s as real to me as anyone else. She’s fucked up, she’s brilliant, she’s lovable, she’s mean, she’s extremely flawed—and I just love her for that. I didn’t want to just play her… I wanted to be her, to immerse myself in who she is. I want people to watch the film and forget they’re watching a film. I want them to live it, and for them to know and love Chris and Audrey the way we do.

JOHNNY: You made my response sound bad.

Y/N: Oh, shut up.

SEAN: You’re obviously very passionate about them—and it shows on screen, as well. I don’t imagine it’s easy to portray those situations, for either of you, but I can’t tell you enough how amazing you two did.

Y/N: Thank you so much. Awwh—I’m really touched by that.

JOHNNY: It means so much. We put our heart and souls into this.

SEAN: You’re welcome! It’s honestly Oscar worthy, in my eyes.

Y/N: Oh my God—I can’t even think about that… never in a million years would I think about getting an Oscar. John, though, I can see.

JOHNNY: *scoffs* You’re insane. You deserve one—Miss Emmy award.

she sticks her tongue out at him, and he smiles adoringly at her.

SEAN: Ready for the next sauce?

they move on to the next sauce.

Y/N: *biting into the wing, mouth full* Oh, fuck.

SEAN: Bad?

Y/N: *shaking head* No, just a… strange flavor? Not bad, but different.

SEAN: You two are really good with this stuff—usually people are sweating a bit by now.

JOHNNY: I grew up with spice. Korean food is hot.

SEAN: So, Y/N, I wanted to talk a little more about ‘Obsession’.

Y/N: Go for it.

SEAN: Rumor has it that filming for season three is coming up… can you confirm that?

Y/N: I don’t know if I can confirm it, but I will. *laughs* We’re supposed to do a read-through in a few weeks and I am scared shitless.

SEAN: Why is that?

JOHNNY: Can I just say—she regularly spoils the show for me. I’m scared shitless, as well, because I don’t want her to drop any bombs on me.

Y/N: *pouting, whiny* But Johnny, my mom gets mad if I spoil it.... and you’re my best friend.

johnny rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

SEAN: You’re notorious for spoiling—I’m surprised you haven’t spoiled the movie in this.

JOHNNY: I made her promise not to.

Y/N: Yeah. But, uh, I’m nervous about what the fuck is going to happen this season. I stay in close contact with production, and… I’ve heard it’s going to be insane. I love playing Mina, I love her to death… so I’m, like, fearing for her life and well-being. We all know Jongin’s character, Kai, is fucking stalking her, and she’s just… oblivious. It’s scary. And last season we started to find out about Kyungsoo’s character, D.O., and the skeletons in his closet…

SEAN: The show definitely doesn’t shy away from the disturbing.

Y/N: Right! It’s part of why I love it… even though it can get insane and terrifying, it’s addicting. And, God, it’s so crazy how well Kyungsoo and Jongin play their parts. It’s almost weird how Jongin is so good at what he does—especially since he doesn’t have a background in acting. It’s a challenging role.

SEAN: I agree—it’s very chilling at times. As for Mina, she seems very different from you.

Y/N: Oh, one hundred percent. She’s vulnerable in a way that I’m not familiar with, in a way that very few people are. Sometimes I wish I could shake her by the shoulders, because she’s an idiot, she’s purposely continuing to fuck up her life, and I want her to realize her worth… and to stop wasting her time with Kai. D.O. is better, even though he’s also batshit—and I can’t rave enough about Kyungsoo, my God. He’s a dream. He’s helped me adjust to the success, and helps me with my performance… We all know how perfect he is.

johnny had been listening intently the entire time, but frowned slightly when y/n raved about kyungsoo. his jealousy is shown on camera, albeit subtly.

SEAN: You know, we’ve had so many requests for you two on the show, as well. Jongin and Sehun as well.

Y/N: I never want to do an interview with Sehun—he’s a little shit and I refuse to compliment him. He bullies me more than Johnny does.

JOHNNY: *grinning* She’s lying, she loves him.

y/n shakes her head at the camera.

the next sauce is shown.

Y/N: Oh, this one is your sauce!

SEAN: Yeah, it’s one we made for this season. Ready?

they all bite into the wings.

JOHNNY: Oh, God… *he grabs his water and takes a sip*

y/n is coughing and has her nose scrunched.

SEAN: You guys okay?

Y/N: This hurts.

JOHNNY: Yeah, uh, this one is a bit of a leap.

y/n goes to scratch beside her eye, but johnny notices and quickly grabs her hand.

SEAN: Your eyes!

Y/N: *eyes wide* Oh, God, thank you… that would have been bad.

JOHNNY: Dummy.

SEAN: Johnny, you’re one of the most followed Instagram users in the world. On top of Youtube, Instagram, and Twitter, fans have been requesting you join TikTok.

y/n is giggling.

JOHNNY: God, they really have.

SEAN: Any plans for that? Or is YouTube enough for you right now?

JOHNNY: Honestly, I’m not that big of a fan of TikTok. Y/N sends me a lot of them, but that’s really it. I don’t have an account. So, honestly, probably not.

Y/N: You don’t watch all of the ones I send you…

JOHNNY: You send me about twenty a day.

Y/N: And?

SEAN: *laughs* Well, you’re obviously popular on the other platforms.

JOHNNY: The Instagram thing blows my mind.

Y/N: Oh, please… you always stop for pictures. You’re all about your daily fits.

JOHNNY: Because I’m fashionable.

SEAN: Yeah, I was going to ask about that. You’ve done a few fashion shows, and you’re an ambassador for Saint Laurent. You’ve expressed interest in creating your own clothing line, as well. Were you serious about that?

JOHNNY: Oh, yeah. I would love to be able to have my own line… fashion has always been something I’ve been interested in, and I enjoy styling my outfits, as well as my friends’.

Y/N: He helps me. I have a horrible sense of fashion.

JOHNNY: You’re not that bad.

Y/N: Eh.

SEAN: You’ve made headlines just because of your street style.

JOHNNY: *laughs* Yeah, that’s… something. Honestly, though, maybe in a few years… I’d love to have my own line. I’m also honored to be a Saint Laurent ambassador—they’ve been one of my favorite brands for years.

SEAN: You’re really a jack of all trades—Youtuber, influencer, actor, singer, and model. Is there anything you can’t do?

Y/N: I can answer that—no. He’s infuriatingly perfect.

JOHNNY: *teasing* Awwh, babe, you’re so sweet.

he caresses her cheek, and y/n is screaming on the inside.

Y/N: I take it back.

the ninth sauce is introduced.

Y/N: Fucking hell.

she begins to cough, and fan her face. the sauce is nearly unbearable. johnny breaths out, eyes wide and staring at the table. he also coughs a bit.

SEAN: You okay?

JOHNNY: Yeah, this sucks. This is hot as fuck, holy shit.

y/n is still silent, and begins to chug her entire glass of water.

SEAN: Y/N?

Y/N: I’m good. I’m fine. I got it.

JOHNNY: *concerned* You sure, love?

once again, y/n is flustered. this time, she’s bad at hiding it. she blames it on the spice.

Y/N: U-uh, yeah… *gets a grip on herself, waves him off* Yeah. Don’t worry ‘bout it.

she is clearly still affected, whereas johnny has already tackled the intensity of the spice.

SEAN: I’m curious—are there any genres of film that you two want to try? And do you two want to work on another project together?

johnny looks over at y/n, a slight crease in his brow. worried.

Y/N: Um, my mouth hurts. You go first, mm?

johnny squeezes her thigh under the table and pushes his water towards her.

JOHNNY: Of course I’d want to work with her again. That’s my Y/N—I feel like we bring the best out of each other, and, again, I love working with her. As for things I’d want to try… *he trails off, his mind definitely on things he wants to try… but not in relation to the question. he pushes his hair back with his wrist* I think It’d be fun to do a crime movie. I’m obviously fond of doing dramas and musicals, as well as coming-of-age movies, but playing a criminal would be fun.

SEAN: I didn’t expect that! I can see it, though.

JOHNNY: Yeah, I’d like to do something like Robert Pattinson in ‘Good Time’.

SEAN: I think you could pull that off. Y/N, you doing okay?

Y/N: *smiles* Yeah, sorry! Just had to get used to it. Uh… yeah, me too—working with Johnny again, I mean. Of course—he’s my guy. Working with him is the best. And… ooh, honestly, I want to be in a horror movie, or a thriller! I like psychological thrillers, and I love scary movies… very open to that. *laughs* John, we should do a movie like Zac Efron and Lily Collins… what was it? The Bundy movie.

SEAN: That’d be interesting.

JOHNNY: Hell yeah.

the final sauce is displayed.

y/n has her head in her hands, stressed, and johnny has moved his hand from her thigh to her back.

JOHNNY: C’mon, it’ll be okay.

SEAN: We’re almost done! You’ve done really great so far.

Y/N: *sighs* Shit’s hot, dude… fuck it, let’s get it over wwith.

the guys laugh as y/n hurriedly bites into the wing. they follow. johnny has a funny expression on as he swallows.

JOHNNY: Goddamn… this hurts. *he coughs*

SEAN: Yeah, this one is pretty bad.

y/n has her head completely down on the table, but with one elbow propped up, sauce still on her fingers. you can hear her moaning in pain.

JOHNNY: Here, drink some water.

he grabs her and sits her up, gently, but laughs at her pained expression.

Y/N: I hate this. Do we have milk?

SEAN: Yeah, we’ll get you some.

she coughs, johnny rubbing her back, and reaches for the glass of milk. he still seems collected.

SEAN: You got it, Y/N.

y/n is chugging the milk and giving a thumbs up. johnny smiles at her.

SEAN: So, we got deep with some of these questions.

JOHNNY: You’re a hell of an interviewer.

Y/N: *still pained, but smiling* I don’t know what you lace things wings with to get us this deep. We talked a lot.

SEAN: All good answers though! So, for this last one, it’s not really a question—anything you guys want to say to each other or to the cameras? Anything, the floor is yours.

the two look at each other, silently asking a question. johnny smiles, but it quickly turns to an intense stare. y/n’s eyes widen, confused. he can’t look at her like that.

Y/N: *nervous* What?

JOHNNY: *puts a hand on y/n’s cheek and leans in, almost smiling at her flustered expression* Y/N…

y/n bursts out laughing, but is equally terrified. her heart is beating out of her chest. sean internally feels like he is interrupting something again.

JOHNNY: I just wanted to tell you… it’s something I’ve wanted to say for years. Something that—fuck, this’ll probably change everything. I just need to tell you, get this off my chest.

y/n is panicking and fails at masking it. she looks over at the cameras, genuinely baffled. they’re doing an interview, what was he doing?

Y/N: Johnny, what-?

JOHNNY: When we were at that hotel with Jaehyun and Sooyoung—a few years back, remember? You lost your room key and got locked out, and I told you I didn’t have it, but I was lying. I took it on purpose to fuck with you.

y/n is gaping, completely at a loss. sean laughs, also shocked. johnny is laughing his ass off.

Y/N: I… you fucking bitch.

SEAN: You really had me going there.

Y/N: Edit this out. I have nothing to say to this asshole.

JOHNNY: *innocently* What did I do?

Y/N: *ignoring him, turning to the camera, smiling* Anyway, thank you for watching us! ‘Day Dream’ is out in theatres, and we really hope you’ll go see it. We put our all into it, as did the other cast members and the crew, and I know you all will enjoy it!

JOHNNY: Yeah, please go see it, you won’t be disappointed.

johnny smiles at the camera, and then y/n who rolls her eyes and shoves him, though she is unable to suppress her smile.

the logo appears on screen and the video ends.

[pies-writes-and-more]

Hii- if you're taking any request, could I get one where reader, Yamaguchi, and Tsukishima are friends but the reader constantly drops hints that she likes Yams but he misinterprets them as for Tsukki? 👉🏻👈🏻 dkgjsjfje no need to rush yourself tho oki? You can do it in your own time ❤️ hope you have a wonderful day/night! ✨

Word Count: 2,036

Warnings: probably some swearing, a bit of angst but there’s a happy ending promise! 

Pairing: Yamaguchi Tadashi x Fem!Reader

A/N: Thank you for the request! I dunno if I fully got the idea you wanted haha but here you go! (Originally thought @thisnoodlewritesao3 gave in this request but apparently she didn’t!!!! So whoever sent this in thank you so much!!!!). Enjoy lovelies!

(not my gif, creds to the original creator :))

Today was the day. Yamaguchi had never been so confident with one of his decisions before. But this one. This one he was sure of.

He tucked the broken pieces of his heart into some deep part of him as he stared at himself in the mirror. He stared at himself in the mirror for a second before nodding to himself. Today was the day, he whispered to himself for what felt like the millionth time. Today was the day he would let go.

He knew it was going to hurt, he knew that his heart was already falling apart but it didn’t matter. How can you be broken hearted over losing someone when they weren’t yours in the first place?

The day started like any other school day, Yamaguchi meeting up with you and Tsukishima on the corner of the street where all your paths met. Like usual, you and Tsukishima were already there since you both lived closer than Yamaguchi did.

“Hi Yams!” You beamed up at him and he tried his best to give a genuine smile back. Why did this smile look so much different than the one you gave Tsukki?

“You took longer than usual,” Tsukishima commented, raising an eyebrow at his best friend.

Yamaguchi had hoped he wouldn’t noticed, but it wasn’t really all that surprising that he did, “Just got up late,” he said with a smile, trying to be convincing.

Tsukishima watched him for a moment, raising an eyebrow as if to ask are you sure you’re okay? Yamaguchi just gave a small nod and then turned to you as you talked about the project that was due today.

He wanted to keep walking with you, listening to you go on about your day, about the dog you saw on your way over, about your family and anything else that made you smile. But he kept slowing down his pace, watching from behind what it would look like, you and Tsukki walking together. Why did you two look so much better than he could ever dream?

“Yams?” Your voice drew him from his thoughts, him offering his typical I’m okay smile. “You seem really out of it today, are you feeling sick?” You asked, pressing a hand to his forehead to check his temperature.

He wanted to press against your hand just a little longer, the feeling of your skin on his always made his heart flutter. But instead, he just laughed and shook his head, “I’m alright. I guess I’m still a little asleep!”

You seemed to buy it and nod, linking your arm with his, “Come on then, don’t slow down on me. If you do, I have to walk with Tsukishima and I don’t think he likes my company,” you laugh.

Tsukishima just rolled his eyes and pulled his headphones on like he normally did in the mornings when the three of you walked together. Yamaguchi always wondered if he did this so he could have more privacy to talk to you. Tsukishima had known right away that Yamaguchi’s heart only beat for you. But what else did he know?

Did he know that Yamaguchi would always step back for him? Did he know that you just seemed so much happier with him, the one who was so much cooler? So much taller? So much smarter? That you would be better off with him?

But you just talked on, trying to get Yams back into how he was normally, asking about his weekend and morning. By the time you all got to school, Tsukishima said something about needing to go find the third years and talk to them about something. It was a lie and Yamaguchi was sure of that. 

Tsukishima had been trying to tell him lately to stop being so scared and just tell you how he felt. He even insisted that you had been trying to drop little hints all the time but Yamaguchi was sure that Tsukishima was just exaggerating (though, he wasn’t really the exaggerating kind). But how had Tsukishima not noticed how much time you spent by his side? How had he not realized that you always seemed to try and get his attention, always tried to get him talking?

You had to be in love with Tsukishima Kei, Yamaguchi was sure of that. Because who would ever go for him, an emotional freckled loser, when Tsukki was around?

“Yams, do you think confessing ruins a lot of friendships?” You asked softly as the two of you walked slowly through the almost empty courtyard, not a lot of students on campus yet.

His eyes locked onto yours for a moment, the surprise in them flickering away as he quickly looked away, “What do you mean?”

“I mean... it’s so easy for friends to fall in love isn’t it? You know everything about a person, see everything they are, the good and the bad, and... you just can’t help it.” There was such a lightness to your voice. Yamaguchi’s heart was pounding against his chest, was this the moment you’d tell him? That you were in love with his best friend? What was he even supposed to say?

“I... suppose,” he mumbled quietly, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Are you in love?”

“I’ve never been in love before,” you admitted shyly, smiling up at his direction but still noting that he was refusing to look at you. “But I think I might be.”

Somewhere, Yamaguchi wanted to tell her that Tsukki would never be interested. Even if Yamaguchi wasn’t in love with you, Tsukki didn’t really seem all that interested in relationships right now. So wouldn’t it be better for you to not bother getting her heart broken? Because his was already breaking and it was hurting like hell - shouldn’t he try to save you from that. He wanted to tell you to save yourself, but instead he heard himself say, “You should tell him then...”

He closed his eyes, ready for you to tell him with an excited tone that you were going to find Tsukki. Tell him how you felt. He saw a flash of a lifetime in his head, what you would look like on your first date with Tsukki holding your hand, how your smile would meet Tsukki’s eyes more than Yamaguchi’s, how you would offer your heart to Tsukki, and not Yamaguchi-

“I’m trying to, but he’s refusing to look at me,” you said suddenly, a laugh in your voice. What was that in your laugh? Was that... nervousness?

Yamaguchi’s eyes popped open, looking down at you with surprise. “W-What?”

“If you’d just pay attention to me, this confession would’ve been over a while ago,” you laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of your head. Now that he was looking at you, your eyes didn’t want to meet his.

“Confession?” Yamaguchi’s voice cracked and his ears were burning with embarrassment now.

You bit down on your lip, a nervous habit of yours, and pulled out a cute little teddy bear plush from your backpack, “I got this at the arcade we went to a few days ago. And that day, when it was just you and me, I realized that you’re the only one I want to be with all the time. You’re always there for me and after meeting you, every one of those songs I listen to just... makes sense.”

Yamaguchi was dreaming wasn’t he? He was going to wake up in a few seconds and be sorely disappointed. He was going to punch his pillow and shed a few tears because this was all just a dream right?

“I know we’ve been friends for like forever, and that volleyball takes up a lot of your time lately. But if... I dunno if maybe you feel the same way, maybe we could go on a date sometime? There’s this cute cafe I heard about nearby and they have these milkshakes that I think we would like-” you rambled nervously, noting his open-mouth expression and lack of response.

There was one thing that Yamaguchi was never able to do during dreams. One thing he always wanted to do but always woke up before. He had to wake up before he fell too far in this dream, he had to wake up before he wasn’t able to and this dream took over his whole mind. Before he could think through it rationally, Yamaguchi took your face in his hands and pressed a quick peck to your lips.

His lips felt like heaven against yours, your eyes widening as he stood there, holding your hands like he was even surprised he had been able to do that.

“Y-Yams?” You squeaked, unsure that that had really just happened.

“That doesn’t normally happen,” he murmured to himself, staring down at you like you were going to disappear in a few seconds.

“W-When?” You whispered back, a little confused.

“When I dream about this,” Yamaguchi’s whole face was going red now. His eyes were widening and his fingers were starting to shake against your cheeks. He pulled away from you, clasping a hand against his mouth realizing what he had just done. “I-I’m not dreaming.”

“N-Nope,” you can’t help but laugh, holding a hand over your lips. “You dream about me?”

“Y-Yea. No. I mean. Not like... weird things or anything I just-” Yamaguchi rambled, shaking his hands in front of him nervously. “I’m so sorry, Y/N, I thought, I just normally don’t-”

“You know, when I told Y/N to confess to you today, I didn’t think you’d react like that,” Tsukishima laughed from across the courtyard, grinning bigger than Yamaguchi had ever seen before.

“Y-You knew?”

“Y/N’s been annoying me all week about it,” Tsukishima rolled his eyes, “Something about wanting to know if feelings were reciprocated or something. As if you two haven’t been drooling over each other ever since meeting.” He shrugged like this was a normal thing, like seeing his two friends confess and kiss was just a typical Monday morning thing.

Yamaguchi’s chest was feeling so tight, like his heart had stopped working from shock. Was this a heart attack? Is this what all those people were always warning you about? Was he dying?

“Oi, Tadashi, you haven’t given her an answer yet,” Tsukishima scoffed, shaking his head. “Accept her confession, ask her out on a date, and then let’s get to class. People are going to start staring soon.”

Yamaguchi spluttered out a, “I really like you, Y/N!”, his cheeks burning with embarrassment and surprise, wishing he could rewind and go back. He took the teddy bear that was still in your hands, smiling a little at the cute bow around its neck and the smile on its face that was looking back at him.

You just giggled and rocked on your feet nervously, “Well I’d hope so. You don’t go around kissing girls you don’t like do you?”

“O-Of course not!” He shook his head, letting out a nervous laugh. “That cafe date sounds really nice.”

The two of you just stood there for a moment, shyly avoiding each other’s eyes until Tsukishima sighed while walking over, and pushed Yamaguchi over to you, “Alright, let’s go then.” He said, as if fed up with you both but Yamaguchi swore he saw a smile on the salty boy’s face.

“I really like you too,” you whisper to Yamaguchi later, taking his hand in yours and letting your fingers tangle together.

Later, Yamaguchi would tell you he honestly thought you were into Tsukishima and would laugh when your nose scrunched up, “Oh God no!” You smirked, shaking your head. “I was trying to make sure he liked me. I figured you wouldn’t go out with a girl that Tsukishima wouldn’t at least tolerate.”

Yamaguchi laughed and pressed a kiss to your cheek. He held your face in his hands again, just admiring your face and the way you smiled at him. This smile seemed to be reserved just for him and he wanted to look at it forever.

That was the day that Yamaguchi promised himself he would never let you go. You were his now, and he didn’t ever want to lose you.

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