#life. I can’t ever imagine losing her. talked to her for more than an hour. forgot how easy it is between us because it’s always been that

[milf-louis]

.

[ohnopeh]

do you ever think about mandy telling ian that being with caleb was an upgrade from mickey?

i think about the look on his face and the hesitation in speaking to mandy about it. to me it’s like ian was disappointed in knowing mandy would still look down on mickey, especially considering she was there witnessing him taking care of ian and his disorder. i love that ian says i miss mickey despite him telling svetlana he’s ’done with that part of his life’ and hurting mickey in the prison scene.

i feel like that’s the moment ian’s mask slips away and he wants to be honest with mandy for a second, allowing himself to acknowledge that he does miss mickey but he broke up with him because he loves him too much.

this is why he quickly adds the ‘but’ trying to convince himself that what he has now it’s okay, he can move on. adding the bit about him surely breaking up with caleb because of him being bipolar says a lot about them too. cause ian expects caleb to leave him and he’s ‘okay’ with it. what ian knew back then too was that mickey wouldn’t have left ian, ever. he didn’t want mickey to suffer and put him through all that— after being with his mother and having to live with her and her boyfriend in their miserable state. he realised what he would have put mickey through and did what he considered the best thing for him.

he kept himself busy, building his life away from him, getting into relationships and pretending that was what he truly wanted, but then he hears about mickey being back and suddenly everything comes crashing down. all of his intense feelings, what made him feel alive, those are back.

ian not being able to sleep at night cause he kept thinking about mickey shows why he would protect himself by pretending he doesn’t care

when he meets mickey for the first time after jail, he goes straight to him to ‘fight’ and it feels like ian has never been more alive than that time. i don’t see him pretending or trying to fit into what he is not ( which is what i think he did with his other relationships as they kept judging ian for one thing or another )

when he talks to fiona at night he tells her he can’t get him out of his head, he finally admits that he’s always thought of mickey and finally seeing him led to him spiralling and all of his self control going to shit. trying to control himself not to give in, cause he’s done that so well by having mickey away from him, out of reach but he’s there now and he can’t help it.

he literally saw mickey a couple of hours before saying that and they were together for like, 5 minutes? yet that was enough for ian to feel that thrill that he tried so hard to forget and convince himself he could live without.

i love that he runs away with mickey, i love that mickey tells him ian was the only one that had his back and that not even his family did half of the shit ian did for him. how ian admits he didn’t visit because it was hard to see him through the glass, cause fuck how can he keep himself stable if everything he wants and makes him happy is so close but so far away? and then ian admitting he thought of mickey a lot, finally being honest about that.

i completely get ian not going to mexico with mickey back then, that would have been a shit show for both but i also love the fact that ian wanted to be there so that he could see with his own eyes that mickey was finally safe and once again free (in some extent).

him telling lip about running away, asking if he should have gone with mickey. like he knows he wanted to do that, he forced himself to walk away but the moment he thought lip considered them running away together a good idea, he felt hopeful and regretful cause he wanted someone else to confirm he’s not losing control but that it was ok to do, the right thing.

but monica dies right there and i can’t imagine ian being in mexico finding out about it and being so far away, not being able to go back. i feel like mickey would have blamed himself so much for that too.

things go to shit from there on and i know it’s both because of monica dying and mickey leaving. he doesn’t have the time to control himself, to shut his feelings off and put mickey in the back of his mind locked away like before. everything comes crushing down and then trevor isn’t supportive, blames him for things and gets angry at him for the whole gay jesus thing (like hello, he’s having a bipolar episode? )

i’m sure ian just couldn’t stop himself comparing the way mickey treated him, loved him and cared for him during his ups and downs— to how trevor dealt with it all. he keeps going down cause nothing makes sense anymore.

then he goes to prison, everything still sucks and it worse because he’s still recovering, still vulnerable and has to spend years in a place that’s not safe, not familiar to him. but he sees him, he sees mickey and it’s like he can breathe for the first time. he’s finally safe and he’s loved

[joshs-big-toe]

I Hate That I Love You

a/n: hey my loves, this fanfic that i wrote is definitely a gift because of my lack of writing. i tried something new and wrote this one in first person POV, so let me know if you like that. i do want to give a warning up front, this contains spoilers for the beekeeper movie as well as an ending that made my proofreader, @peetas-nose, say "what the fuck". derek danforth will never get a happy ending.

edit: I LOVE YALL BUT I WARNED YOU IT WOULD BE SAD

CW: heavy smut, p in v, fem!reader, aggressive sex, mentions of drinking and drug use(cocaine), oral sex(fem!receiving), depressing ending, SPOILERS

word count: 3844

PRESENT DAY

Derek Danforth. Momma's boy. Rich kid. 28 year old man-child. Let me be clear, Derek wasn't always this way. He was kind once upon a time. He was always rich, don’t get me wrong, but god when his mother was campaigning, he turned into the biggest asshole you could imagine. When he changed is when I broke up with him. We were 24 when I ended things between us. Though, things never ended between us truly. I was tired of the selfish person he had become. But then again, I use him for things too. He has money, I get sex, it's a win-win situation. This sounds like a prostitute situation, it’s not. He doesn't pay me, not necessarily, but my life has never been difficult since our agreement. I make him look good, he gives me benefits. I’m getting ahead of myself, though. Let me rewind to four years ago. 

FOUR YEARS AGO

I sat down on the couch, running my hands down my face before I looked up at him. “Fuck, Derek, you’re not the same person I met! What happened to you?” Derek paced in front of me. He was manhandling a glass of whisky. I honestly was afraid he was going to spill it. 

“Y/N, you know I’m doing this for my mom!” His words were slurred. He had started drinking a few months prior when his mom first started talking about running for President. President, ha, fucking insane, right? Not to Derek and not to his mom. I hated it the moment he picked up his first glass, flipping through websites, spending hours up all night on the phone. He did some shit that I’m still in the dark about. I shot up from the couch, snatching the glass out of his hand. His eyes bore into mine, sending a chill up my spine. “Give it back, y/n.”

“Derek, your moms life has become your life. What are you doing with your money? Why are you doing this, this isn’t who you are!” He set his jaw, taking a step forward toward me. 

“Give it here.” His voice was almost too calm at this point. I loosened my grip on the glass, allowing it to fall to the ground and shatter on impact. “Fucking hell, are you fucking serious right now?” 

“Oops,” I shrugged, sitting back on the couch. My arm rested on the arm rest and I crossed one leg over the other. “Get your head out of your ass or you lose me, Derek. Thats how this is going to be.” I motioned toward him, studying his blazer and whatever-the-fuck expensive shoes he was wearing. “This… This is not who you are, or were, Derek.” 

“I’m doing all this shit for her, not me, don’t you get that?”

“I call bullshit on that.”

“Excuse me?”

“I said I call bullshit.” He started pacing, running his hands through his hair. I followed him with my eyes, studying his movements, the crunch from the broken glass under his shoes. He paused in front of me, looking down at me. 

“I am working my ass off, getting more money than you could ever comprehend for the sake of her. You don’t fucking understand the fucking stress I’m fucking under!” I was taken back. More money than I could ever comprehend. Ouch. I stand up and take a step toward him, our noses almost touching. I could smell the whisky on his breath and see the frustration and anger in his eyes.

“I can’t do this, Derek. I can’t be with, whoever this is, because it’s not the person I fell in love with.” I ran my hand through my hair as I began to walk away. 

“Y/N, help me with this!” He was almost shouting. I shook my head, but before I could get too far, Derek grabbed my wrist and pulled me into his arms, pushing his lips against mine. I fucking hated the taste of whisky, and I hated how I did not want to break away from the kiss. My brain immediately became foggy with arousal. Something about the way his lips moved against mine sent a tremor of heat down in my core. His hand trailed up my arm and to the back of my neck, holding me against him. My mouth gapped, allowing him to slip his tongue into my mouth. Our mouths worked perfectly with each other, drawing me deeper into the kiss. I finally somewhat came to my senses, pulling away briefly, him still attacking my lips as I spoke.

“We,” his lips connected to mine. “Fuck, we’re still done after this.”

“Yeah,” I leaned in, desperately connecting my lips to his again making him gap his sentence. “Okay fine, just shut up.” Shut up I did. As much as I hated who he had become, or more accurately stated, who he was becoming, I couldn’t deny sex. He was insanely good at it, even though he seemed almost careless. And for some reason, his carelessness was why it was so intoxicating. Derek groaned, shoving me down onto the couch, pushing the breath out of me. He moved quick, sliding my shirt and jeans off of me, leaving in nothing but my bra and panties. He bit his lower lip before leaning down to attach his lips to mine again. I could feel him fumbling with his belt before throwing it to the ground, momentarily breaking our kiss to slide out of his dress pants and boxers. His cock sprung out leaving nothing to the imagination. Derek was only slightly above average, but fuck he knew how to work his body with mine. I looked at him, noticing a bead of precum forming at the tip, turning me on that much more. He pulled my panties down to my ankles before turning me onto my stomach, pulling my ass into the air. As he pulled my hair back, I heard him spit into his hand before the wet sounds of him stroking his own cock filled the room. I was getting impatient. I decided to push my ass against him, however I earned myself a hair pull. “We may be done after this,” he huffed, “but we can keep having fun, yeah?” He sighed out as he slowly pushed into me. “I can’t get enough of this fucking pussy, you understand that?” I tried to nod, but the grip on my hair was too tight. I opened my mouth to speak, however as i tried he began pulling in and out of me and grabbing at my ass to roughly pull me onto him. A moan escaped my lips instead of words. “What.” he growled out, not stopping his movements. If anything, it made him go faster. “Did I fuck the words out of your mouth already?��� His breathing picked up as he continued his pace. His nails dragged into my ass, making me whine in a pleasured pain. 

“D-Derek, fuck,” I struggled to answer him. I felt one hand reach around me and push a finger against my clit. Derek groaned, the sound of skin slapping overpowering any other sound that was in the room. His used his finger to circle my clit. I felt him plant soft kisses on my back as he worked at the bundle of nerves. He released my hair and grabbed my ass again and began to push and pull me off of him again. 

“Struggling to use your words, y/n? Come on baby, use those words. Even if we aren’t together, you'll still let me use you right?” I could feel his breath on my neck. I took a deep breath, trying to ignore the pleasure coursing through my body.

“W-what~ aha fuck- whats in it f-for me?” I managed out, trying to stifle my moans. He was pounding into me at this point, his finger still pressing against my clit. I was struggling to keep it together. There was a heat rising up in my lower belly as I felt my orgasm approaching. “F-fucking hell, Derek.”

“Whats in it for you?” His voice was low and his movements were erratic. He was close too. “A life of p-pleasure- fuck.. No more struggling. B-benefits.” I tipped over the edge, my orgasm spreading through my body as I clenched around him. I buried my face into the cushion of the couch, crying out in the pleasure of the orgasm ripping through me. His hands felt their way to my hips, his breathing ragged as i felt him twitch before filling me up with his cum. He pulled out, turning me over onto my back, watching me as I caught my breath. “So,” he panted. “Your answer?”

“You,” I paused to take a breath. “I’m here for whatever you need,” I began. “But I get a peaceful life in return.” He grabbed my clothes, throwing them onto me before getting his own and putting them on. After we both were dressed, he looked down at me and held out his hand.

“You have yourself a deal.” With that, the fate between us was sealed in a handshake. 

PRESENT DAY

I regretted the agreement the moment my hand touched his for the handshake. I wish I could hate Derek more, but part of me still very much loves him. The consistent sex over the next four years definitely didn’t help. Derek and I turned 28 a few months ago. He kept changing, he turned to drugs and alcohol, his fashion sense got so much worse and he decided to get these bullshit frosted tips. And I still couldn’t help but look at him and wonder what we could’ve been if he was normal. Once again, I found myself at one of his parties. I was sitting on his lap with my legs crossed while his hand rested on my thigh. On the table next to him sat a glass of whisky and a small vial of white powder, I assume cocaine. For this party, he had me dress in this form-fitting short red dress that ruffled at the end. I draped around him, putting on a show for all his little rich-boy friends. 

“You guys have any idea how much we made with that one woman alone?” Derek chimed in, his smile wide as he spoke. I smiled, looking over at Garnett as he raised his glass into the air.

“Wish I could’ve seen the look on her face as she saw that,” He paused before raising his voice. He shot his arms into the air, squeezing his eyes shut and shouting out in victory. “3.7 MILLION DOLLARS!!” All of Derek’s friends’ voices started ringing together, creating a dissonance of voices and shouts. I hated it here. I couldn’t stand the smell of cigarette smoke and the drunk men trying to poke and prod at me everywhere. Derek could see the discomfort on my face, or maybe feel it in the rigidity of my body draped over him. I feel his hand run up my thigh, the tips of his fingers resting under the hem of my dress. I look down at him, his hair looking fried and his stupid green suit he was wearing. I grimaced. He glanced in my direction, pulling my head down to where my ear met his lips.

“Liven up, y/n, we have an agreement.” He mumbled, the heat of his breath tickling my neck. 

“Oh-ho-ho,” Garnett exclaimed. “Derek wants some from his bitch!” I winced but kept a smile, even choking out a little laugh. 

“Watch it, Garnett, remember your place.” Derek’s tone was serious. Garnett raised his hands in surrender.

“My bad, my bad. I'm going to take the boys and go talk about the new branch you’re building.” Garnett stood up, his posse following close behind, giving Derek shoulder punches and shakes as they made their way out. The door slammed shut behind him, cueing me to get off of Derek and make my way to the couch. I kicked off my heels and leaned my head back against the head of the couch groaning, my eyes screwing shut. 

“You’ve been here for an hour, are you seriously acting like that right now?”

“I don’t want to hear it from you. I wore what you wanted me to, did my makeup the way you wanted me to, god forbid I’m tired of playing pretend with these jackass friends of yours.” I looked over to him. He was laid back in his chair, head back, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“If you’re done, I need you to tell me. I have plenty of other girls who would fight to be in the position you’re in.” His eyes met mine, a mocking smile was on his lips. I rolled my eyes and looked away, unable to hide the grin that threatened the corners of my mouth. His smile became more sincere. “That’s my girl.”

“Still not yours, Derek.”

“You are while you’re here.” He stood up and took a sip of his whisky before grabbing the vial and sauntering over to me. “You don’t understand how fucking hot you look right now.” He knelt down to the ground in front of my knees, gently spreading them apart before getting in between them. “You’re going to stay still for me, right?”

“Derek, what are you doing?” He held the small vial up and shook it in front of my face. “And you plan to…”

“Just stay fucking still.” I watched him closely, eyeing his every movement. He fumbled around his suit pockets, finding a $50 and handing it to me. “Pull your dress up, then roll that, yeah?” His face was flushed as he watched me push my dress further up my thighs, exposing my panties in full. He bit his lower lip as he looked at me, an obvious wet spot from my own arousal seeping through already. His eyes met mine, a grin plastering his face. “I love the effect I have on you, y/n.” I felt my face heat as I rolled the bill for him, knowing what he was going to do, but taken by surprise with how he did it. Derek broke eye contact first, taking the vial and unscrewing the lid. He brought it over to my thigh and carefully began pouring a line of cocaine on me. I wanted to shift, to mess him up just to see how I would react, but I was infatuated with what he was doing. Fuck I hate that he does this. I couldn’t stop him. He held his hand out, telling me he wanted the rolled up bill from me. I complied, wordlessly placing it between his thumb and pointer finger. “Good girl,” he mumbled. He turned, looking at my other thigh, quickly pouring out another small line across me. “Better stay still, understand me?” I was afraid to move. “Words, you know better.”

“Yes, Derek. Perfectly still.” He smiled. He brought the bill up to his nose, plugging one side and lowering himself close to my thigh. I tensed as he sniffed up the powder. He groaned, rubbing his nose before turning to the other thigh and doing the same thing but on the opposite side of his nose.

“Fuck,” he mumbled as he pinched his nose and sniffed again. “You still have some..” Before I could comprehend what he meant, he ran his tongue up my thigh where the line was, but did not stop. He traced the top hem of my panties until he reached the other thigh, dragging his tongue down my thigh picking up any residue from the powder that may have been left over. His eyes connected with mine, both of our faces flushed. 

“The door locks on its own, right?” I mumbled, my arousal taking control of me. That was the hottest fucking shit I have ever seen in my fucking life. He nodded, no words coming from him as the tips of his fingers dragged slowly up my thighs, hooking around my panties and sliding them down my thighs and pulling them off of me. He met my eyes again as he brought them up to his mouth, licking my arousal off of them before discarding them to the side. Fuck that made my stomach flip. His pupils were already blown, not looking away from me as he pulled me down the couch until my ass was barely on it. I sigh as he maintains contact, leaning down and planting a kiss on my pubic bone. 

“Such a perfect little pussy,” he mumbled onto me. The movement of his lips against me made my body jolt. “All for me, too. Fuck,” he pressed his tongue against my clit, moving his head up and down, my eyes following his. He groaned onto me as I wrapped my legs around his shoulders. My hands found their way into his hair making him nip at me in response. “Hands to yourself,” He growled, shoving his tongue into me. His movements became faster and more erratic and his hands squeezed at my thighs. I groaned, trying to focus on him and his movements, but the pleasure that was spreading through me was almost too much. His nose pushed against my clit as he tongue-fucked me, the heat building within me rapidly. My body begged for release as he pulled away, denying me, before standing up and grabbing my jaw and spitting in my mouth. “The things you fucking do to me even after all these fucking years. God I can’t believe I ever let you leave.” His words took me by surprise, but he took me into a needy, heated kiss before I had the chance to respond. His tongue worked its way into my mouth, making the kiss deeper. I reached up toward his pants and began unbuttoning them and waited for him to stop me. If anything, he gave me more access to slide them down. I began to palm him through his boxers, a groan escaping into my mouth. “T-take them off,” he growled before immediately attaching his lips to mine again. I obliged, not waiting before dropping his boxers to the ground. He wasted no time before stepping out of them. My hand connected to his cock, slowly pumping it. He stifled a moan. “Fuck I love the way you fucking touch me. Like nobody else in the fucking world. You drive me insane, y/n.” He pushed me back on the couch as he removed his blazer, throwing it off to the side somewhere in the room. I began to turn onto my stomach but he stopped me. 

“I thought-”

“Just shut the fuck up, will you? You think too much sometimes.” He grabbed one of my legs and draped it over his shoulder. His eyes met mine, focusing on my face as he slowly pushed himself into me. Just the tip. I didn’t look away despite every bone in my body telling me to. He started moving his tip in and out of me, my hands grabbing at his shirt to try and get him to fully push in. I am desperate, and with desperation comes begging, and with begging, I come apart. 

“Fucking hell, Derek please just-” before I could finish my thought, he pushed himself into me. He grabbed my hips and pulled me onto him, filling me up completely. I threw my head back and bit my lip to stifle the moans that were threatening to escape. There was still a party going on outside, afterall. He didn't hesitate before grabbing my jaw, making me look at him. 

“I love seeing your face as you come apart. The face you make when I make you so fucking needy. Fucking hell.” He pulled out of me before aggressively thrusting himself back in. He continued at this pace, forcing me to look at him. “I fucking love everything about you, y/n.” My eyes widened. He’s just high, he doesn't know what he’s talking about right now, right? I felt him twitch inside me telling that he was close. He brought his free hand down to my clit, pushing his thumb against it throwing me over the edge into an orgasm. I whined and he groaned as I clenched around him, his body convulsing as he reached his climax, filling me up. He allowed his body to fall on top of mine and rested his head on my shoulder as he caught his breath. We stayed there for a moment before he got up and put his blazer and slid up his pants. He threw his boxers at me and watched me wipe myself clean.  

“Where’s my underwear?” He shrugged, lazily checking the ground around the couch. I groan and throw his boxers at him. He made a face at me, dodging them. 

“Gross, you could’ve made a mess on my jacket.” I rolled my eyes and pulled my dress back down, leaning back on the couch.

“You said something earlier.”

“Don’t.”

“Did you mean it?” He was pacing again. All he seemed to do was pace. 

“You and I are not… We fucking can’t, okay? This won’t be spoken about again, do you fucking understand that?” Without a word, I grabbed my heels off the ground, stood up and began my trek out of the room. I felt his eyes burning into me as I approached the door, turning to face him as I placed my hand on the handle. 

“Goodbye, Derek.”

3 MONTHS LATER

The day I found out Derek was dead was probably the hardest day of my life. I knew what he was doing, though I didn’t know the extent of how bad it was. I knew he was investing in companies and owned call centers. I thought they were authentic tech support centers. In actuality, he was scamming older people out of money. Billions of dollars. The comments his “friends” made made sense now. I would have stopped him. I could have stopped him if I had just known. He was murdered in the crossfire of some vengeful man in a group called the Beekeepers. Shot him in the head in front of his own mother. 

—--------

I sighed as I sat down on the fresh patch of grass where he was laid to rest. I placed a flower on it. The stone itself had been defiled. I was here once a week to try and keep it in good, well, okay shape. “You are a fucking idiot, Derek Danforth. You should've just…” A tear slipped down my cheek. “Why couldn’t you have just stayed the same. I would’ve fucking married you, dumbass!” My hand hit the ground. I cried silently for who knows how long before I decided to get up. I hesitated, dusting my jeans off looking down at him. “I love you.” I mumbled before walking away, trying to carry on with my life like I never had him to begin with.

[allzelemonz]

Annoying: John Marston X Male Reader

Fictober Prompt: Day 3, Hate Sex Pronouns: he/him, Reader referred to as ‘man’ Physical Sex: AMAB Rating: E/Smut Warnings: Hate sex, anal fingering, anal sex, prostate massage, dirty talk, teasing, mentions of John’s situation with Abigail and Jack, Reader is an asshole, pre-Blackwater, violence, punching Summary: You’ve been sent on a scouting excursion with John to find a good spot closer to Blackwater, John is annoying through the whole ride.

It has been two hours. Walking along a barren trail with your tired horse and listening to the endless and constant complaining of John Marston. The man is undoubtedly irritating, wholly annoying. But Dutch picked you for scouting, so you to try to tune out that stupid scratch in his voice and focus on looking for a new spot closer to Blackwater.

“I just don’t get what her deal is.” John continues.

You feel the distinct desire to bash your head against your saddle horn. Maybe that would end this insufferable ride. Why couldn’t Dutch have picked Javier or Charles or someone quiet? At least Micah talks about interesting things on occasion. Bill can crack a joke. None of them have this apparent need to vent whilst riding.

“She just doesn’t-”

“Marston.” You groan. “Shut up, for the love of life itself. Just be quiet for once.”

“Oh, are my problems annoying you?”

“Yes, jeez, just shut it.”

He huffs, looking away to pout like a child.

“No one wants to hear about you and Abigail, the whole camp already has to listen to you go on and on about how the kid isn’t yours. No one cares.”

“Fuck off.” He mutters.

“I wish I could.”

There is a blissful minute of silence before he opens his mouth again. “You think he’s mine?”

“Fuck, Marston.” You sigh. “I have no clue, just shut the hell up.”

“He ain’t.” He mumbles. “Can’t be.”

“You won’t have to worry about it if you keep talking, because I’ll shoot you.”

“Why’re you always so damn irritable?”

“Because you annoy me to no end, Marston.”

You pull on your reins to move towards a clearing that looks promising, only slightly visible from the narrow path between trees. Finally sliding off your horse, you stretch your legs a little and look over the spot.

“How do I annoy you exactly?”

You rub at your eyes, feeling the ache forming behind them from having to listen to his voice. “In every possible way you could ever imagine.”

“You’re an asshole, you know that?”

“I’m not the one bothering other people with my problems.”

“At least I find the time to bring money in instead of lounging around camp all damn day!”

That, now that, brings a twinge of much more than annoyance to buzz around in your head. Not only have you been bringing in consistent money since you joined, you just pulled a job with Mac and Davey that scored the camp funds upwards of eight-hundred dollars. So, naturally, you punch John in the face for suggesting otherwise.

“Shit.” He mutters, recoiling and tackling you to the ground.

You roll for a while, exchanging punches and losing your hats along the way until you find yourself atop John. You sit across his thin torso, your fist curled into his shirt as the other stands ready to lay another blow. But, John, he goes still, as if he’s afraid to move. For all the scrapping and talk, you know you’re not scary enough to make him freeze like this so you lower your raised fist and look over your shoulder. You half expect to see lawmen or O’Driscolls or something, but it’s just the forest and the horses grazing by the trees.

“What’s your problem, Marston?” You ask, shifting slightly on him.

Then you feel it, barely brushing against the back of your thigh as you move. John Marston is hard in his pants from being beaten up by a man that hates him. His face flushes and he claws at your arm, but you just push him down harder into the grass. Your mind races for a moment, thinking of the roads you could take. You hate the man quite a bit, but you’d be a fool to deny he’s attractive and something in the back of your mind is begging you to find out what that raspy voice sounds like when it’s full of want.

“We tell no one.” You mutter, giving John a threatening look.

John’s chest moves slow as he processes, then he nods quickly. You lean down and connect your lips, catching the taste of tobacco and the scruff of his stubble. John’s hands find your hips, urging you down to grind against you but you resist.

“You’re not in charge here, Marston.” You murmur against his lips. “You just lay still and let me use you, understand?”

His eyes dart around yours quickly as his face gets redder by the second. “Y-Yeah.”

You move down to unfasten his pants and as he kicks them off, you fish a tube of gun oil from your pocket. It has always been a suspicion of yours that John gets around more than he lets on, and it is all but confirmed by the way he stuffs his pants under his hips and spreads his legs.

“You some kind of whore on the side, Marston?” You ask, fixing yourself between his open legs. “That why you got on with Abigail, a shared profession?”

“Shut up.” He mutters.

He intends to say more but you cut him off easily by inserting your slicked fingers without warning. His back arches, pressing into the feeling as he chokes on a bit of air that turns into a whimper. You’re not going to give him the time to rest or adjust, he doesn’t deserve it after talking all day. So you crook your fingers, running them along until his hips jolt from the contact. Then you focus and focus hard, pressing into that nice sensitive spot inside of him until he can’t even speak to warn you. He releases across his stomach, his softening dick untouched.

His head lulls to the side as he catches his breath and you slip your fingers out. You move as fast as you can, not wanting to hear any of his protests about being sensitive. He’d whine about it, you know he would, so you grip his hips and press inside in the midst of his recovery. John chokes on air again, muttering as he covers his red face with his arm. Only one eye peaks out at you as you start your pace and you ignore it, focusing on the act rather than the who. If you don’t think about it being John, the image of your dick disappearing inside such a nice ass and the feeling of gripping such a slim waist make you groan to yourself. If it were any other man, you’d praise him for feeling so good.

John, however, does not have that control. “God, you’re… fuck you’re good.”

It’s the moan that gets you, raspy just like you imagined, and completely wanton. You double your effort because that sound was so good for something that came from John of all people. And, to your delight, it happens again. As you slam into him, your balls bouncing enough to truly earn the nickname, John begins to pant. Your eyes are drawn to his dick as he reaches for it and stops it from slapping against his stomach. His hand wraps around and pumps in time with you.

You lean down a bit, enough to speak over John’s lewd noises. “You better get yourself off before me, Marston. I’m not helping you otherwise.”

He groans, seemingly all too happy to be treated like nothing but something to fuck in the grass of the gang’s next camp spot. You watch his hand, your eyes flicking down to watch your own fucking on occasion. Both are such a sight. John cums again, spilling a little on his hand this time. The sound he makes, such a shaky and raspy guttural moan, hits the right things for you and sends you right over. You slow your thrusts, milking yourself before burying deep inside of him.

It takes a few minutes before your muscles respond and you can pull out to rest back on your knees. John still has a haze in his eyes, his arms splayed out as his chest heaves. You let yourself relish the sight, forgetting only for a moment that you hate him, then you pick up the tube of gun oil from the grass and pull on your pants. A one time thing, albeit a great one, with such an annoying man.

[thgfanfictionlibrary]

hey! a weird question😭 do you have any recs where katniss cheats on or gale is being forced to watch a very loving everlark? thanks

Hello Anon!

Below is a list of Cheating!Katniss on Gale. Hopefully some of these are new to you! Happy Reading!

1400 Degrees-passionately_curious (tumblr) Summary: Her life was boring. Her marriage, unhappy. Her sex life, non-existent. A visit to his office makes Katniss burn blue for someone who is decidedly not her husband.  A Slow Burning Fire-books-are-better (ff) Summary: Modern Day AU. Katniss Everdeen and her longtime boyfriend Gale move to a new city, and room with Peeta and Finnick, two half-brothers from Gale's childhood. But Katniss's and Gale's relationship begins to crumble when the kindness and passion of the beautiful boy with blue eyes shows her that her life is missing something. And it's him. Begin Again-Michelleleahhh (ao3) Summary: The problem is that he’s married. No matter how much Katniss wants him or needs him, he’s forever forbidden. Forever out of her reach. And even if Peeta wants her like she wants him, they’re vowed to other people. Even-annieoakley1 (ao3) Summary: Katniss Everdeen tries to navigate the rough waters of long-distance with her boyfriend while juggling her time with a surprising new friend. But when Gale makes a decision that jeopardizes their relationship, Katniss realizes that she can settle the score. And she picks Peeta Mellark to help her get even.  Hero of the Story-atetheredmind (ao3) Summary: By the end of the summer, Peeta Mellark had married the shoemaker's daughter. And by the end of the summer, Katniss had wed Gale in a small toasting ceremony. AU where Prim and Peeta are never reaped, and where there is no mockingjay, no rebellion.

Portrait of Mrs. Hawthorne-thesweetnessofspring (ao3) Summary: Katniss has always done her duty. When her father died, she married to secure her family's well-being. As a wife, she does everything expected of her, whether she enjoys it or not. Then her husband, Captain Gale Hawthorne, commissions renowned artist Peeta Mellark to paint his new bride. As Katniss and Mr. Mellark spend hours together during their portrait sessions and after, feelings develop between them she has never experienced with anyone else before and the need for him to take her grows too strong to resist.

Something Old, Something New-DrMellark (ff) Summary: Katniss Everdeen has reluctantly accepted her long-time boyfriend Gale Hawthorne's marriage proposal. But, after a night out "celebrating" with her friends, she wakes up in the bed of a handsome blue-eyed blonde who isn't her fiance. Swing-atetheredmind (ao3) Summary: The underground swingers population of Panem County is a mystery to Katniss, one she's about to become intimately more familiar with than she ever imagined. Everlark. Tangled Up In Blue–sunfishdunes (ao3) Summary: Two people find and lose each other repeatedly over the course of five years. Tell Me-JennaGill (ao3) Summary: Katniss is greedy. Peeta is envious. Everlark lust. The Affair-muttpeeta (tumblr) Intro: Katniss has just dropped her bag on her desk when Peeta appears, two coffee mugs in hand. “Good morning,” he greets with an easy smile. “Two sugars, just like you like it.” Even as she rolls her eyes, she can’t help the smile that slips into place as she takes the proffered mug. “If you suck up any harder, you’re going to collapse a lung, Mellark,” she teases, sipping the hot liquid before she sets it down beside her keyboard. Where Did You Sleep Last Night?-LolaBleu (ao3) Summary: Blindsided, that’s how Katniss feels when she goes out for her morning coffee and runs into Peeta. It’s been two years since she talked to him, longer since she’s seen him, but there he is, standing in front of her in the sidewalk, smiling like their love story had a happy ending. Sometimes - lots of times - she wishes it did.

Here's a fic I know of where Gale is forced to see a loving Everlark Family too!

I Can See you Standin', Honey, With His Arms Around your Body-HuntersWithCellPhones (ao3) Summary: Spoilers for Mockingjay Gale comes back to twelve years after the war, expecting to find a Katniss he could possibly fall in love with. Marry. At the very least, they could be friends again. But, instead, he finds Katniss married to Peeta with a little boy named Rye. Drama ensues. The Baker & The Hunter-katnissdoesnotfollowback (ao3) Summary: Gale returns to District Twelve several years after the fall of the Capitol to discover that a lot has changed, and a lot hasn't. There's a baker…and a hunter in this story. And a toasting.

If anyone knows of a fic like these suggestions, please reblog, reply, or send an ask with fics fitting this idea and I’ll add it to future masterlists!

As always, if you have any questions, comments, or suggestions, please feel free to shoot me an ask!

Update 9/16/24 @3:45pm

Thank you for the suggestions @thesweetnessofspring and @toastbaby

[lillywillow]

Tallied

Summary: Every time a person falls in love, a red tally mark appears. When they find the person they were supposed to be with, the mark turns black. Natasha Romanoff has never received any marks. You on the other hand have many red marks.

 Written for: @avengersbingo

 Words: 1368

 Square Filled: Soulmate AU

 Pairing: Natasha x Gender Neutral Reader

Warnings: Mild angst

 A/N: I saw this fantastic AU and I know it’s not technically a Soulmate, I found it so fitting for Nat that I gave it a Soulmate twist.

 Natasha never believed in this whole tally mark system. She always thought that love was a thing for children. Throughout her life, every person she met had at least one red tally mark, some of them had changed into those coveted black marks… the ones that meant one had found their soulmate. Nat was the only one of the Avengers that didn’t have a single tally mark, not even a red one. When you first joined the team and introduced yourself, Nat was surprised at the number of marks you had acquired. They were mostly all red except for the most recent tally which was scarred. Scarred meant their lover had died. You on the other hand thought it was sad she didn’t have even one single mark.

…

 One night, the Avengers were having a small party with just a few people to celebrate your initiation to the team and the success of your first mission. You started chatting to Nat and it wasn’t long before the subject of your tallies was brought up.

 “I just don’t get you, Y/N. Most people I’ve met have so few tallies but you have so many…”

 You looked at the marks on your wrist and gently run your fingers over them. All of them were red except for one which was scarred.

 “I just… fall in love easily…” you quietly replied.

 “But how can you do that? Allow yourself to get hurt over and over again with the same result every time,” she asked.

 “Because… I keep hoping that it’ll be different next time… that one day I’ll meet my soulmate…”

 Nat listened to you as you traced the scarred mark.

 “You know this one, as sad as I was when they died, what hurt even more was that the mark never went black… maybe it was for the best though. I can’t imagine how it would have been to meet my soulmate only to have them die in a car accident…”

 “But why do it? Why put yourself through all that pain?”

 “Because I don’t want to be lonely… It’s you I don’t understand. How can you not even have one mark?” you asked.

 “Love is for children,” she dismissively replied, sipping her drink.

 “That’s so sad…”

 Nat looked at you with confusion.

 “To close yourself off to one of the greatest experiences a human can ever have…” you softly explained.

 “Look at you… you let yourself fall in love and it only got you hurt…”

 “But with pain, comes experience… Pain is another very human emotion that we need. You know even though I got hurt, I enjoyed falling in love… being close to another person… I wouldn’t change anything,” you wistfully smiled.

 Your words made her think. Could she be wrong? Could she be missing out on a whole experience? But opening herself up meant being vulnerable. She couldn’t afford that.

…

 After that night, you and Nat started growing closer. You would spend hours talking, sometimes staying up the whole night. Often you would bring her little things that reminded you of her and at first, Nat thought maybe it was because you were friendly but after a while, she came to learn that you did them more often for her than anybody else on the team. On movies nights, you would cuddle up together. On missions, you had each other’s backs and patched each other up afterwards. She started to form an attachment to you.

 Then one day, it happened. Nat woke up with a red line on her wrist. This scared her more than anything. She couldn’t possibly be in love with you, that was just for children. Nat thought about your words… about how living a life without someone to love would be a lonely one. But… there was that possibility she could lose you. Nat wasn’t sure her heart could handle it. She thought of asking Clint for advice but that would mean actually admitting she was in love… to put the words out there for the universe to hear. Nat wasn’t sure she was ready for that. For now, this tally mark would be her own little secret.

…

 For weeks, Nat was able to strategically hide her mark with long sleeves and thick bracelets but there was only a matter of time before it was revealed. Nat had also tried to distance herself from you but found herself unable to stay away.

 It was during a mission that it finally came to light. Nat had been terribly distracted and was badly hurt. You managed to take out the bad guys and get her to safety.

 While she was in hospital, you paced the hallway, waiting for news. It was while you were wringing your hands that you noticed the change in your newest mark. You had noticed some time ago a new red mark had appeared next to the scar. It gave you hope that maybe Nat had returned your feelings, that maybe this time you wouldn’t get your heart broken again. As you looked down at your hands, you saw that this new mark had turned black. Could it be true? Had you really found your soulmate at last? You only prayed as you waited for news of Natasha that your new mark wouldn’t turn into another scar.

…

 Nat had remained unconscious for days while you stayed by her side. You spoke to her, read to her, held her hand, hoping she would come out of it soon. The others tried to convince you to leave for a while but failing that, they at least made sure you ate.

 Finally, Nat opened her eyes, filling your tired soul with relief.

 “Y/N?” she groggily spoke.

 “I’m here. I’m here, Nat,” you assured her, wiping away the tears that had suddenly formed in your eyes.

 Natasha smiled weakly at you but when she realised her mark was uncovered, she started to panic. She grabbed at her arm, desperately trying to hide the tally mark but you gently took her hands. Her line of vision followed from your hands, up to your inner arm where your collection of tally marks. She noticed you had a new black tally mark that matched hers.

 “You… you knew?” she quietly asked.

 “Of course, I knew…”

 “Why didn’t you say anything?”

 “Because I know this is new for you and it scares you… I knew when you were ready you would come to talk to me about it…”

 Nat fell silent as you carefully helped her to sip some water.

 “I… I am scared, Y/N. I’m scared of losing you, I’m scared that you’ll lose me… scared of letting myself get attached to you…”

 You gently kissed her forehead.

 “I’m scared too, Nat. When I was waiting for news, I was terrified that my new black mark would turn into another scar…”

 Nat held your hand and softly squeezed it.

 “What do we do?”

 “We go through this together, Nat. I’ve got your back and you’ve got mine… we’re soulmates and now that we’ve found each other, I don’t want to let go…”

 Nat kissed your hand.

 “I don’t want to let go either,” she smiled, tears coming to her eyes.

 “So, we go through life together…”

 Nat smiled and nodded.

 “Together,” she repeated.

 If there’s anything this life has taught you is that soulmates are made. You find that one person you want to be with, fall in love and before you know it, your souls are intertwined. Both you and Nat never thought you would find that one person but the fates had brought the pair of you together to become one.

[el-moscorrofio-y-el-mercachifle]

As I'm editing Ecomoda, I'm impressed with the amount of diary BS Betty needs to deal - I mean, Armando, Mário, el Cuartel, Gutiérrez, Daniel, ect, and I didn't even started talking about the recurring problems and decisions she needs to do since she's the CEO.

And even all that, with a small child. She didn't has time to take care of her, it's her mother who does it. It wouldn't be surprising that Camila, now a teenager, doesn't seem to have a deep connection with her as the new series synopsis says that Betty is trying to rebuild their relationship.

Me, as a viewer, got stressed just watching it, I imagine her doing it everyday for more than 20 years. She must be exhausted from everything tho.

Hiii!

Tbh I never watched Ecomoda! Ig I never really felt the need because to me the story closed with ysblf, so I can’t say much about it.

However, I do believe you. It must be insanely stressful to have all of that in your plate. I know I definitely would never be able to handle all that. I was straight up losing my mind when I was just a student and worker! I can't imagine being a boss and mother at the same time. I'd go insane! I only worked a regular 9 to 5 and I was already so tired having to come home and cook and do dishes and shower and do laundry and go grocery shopping and all that, and my office job was so unstressful! I can't imagine having to do all that and also caring for a baby and also having to take important decisions all day. Betty is a much stronger woman that I'd ever be lmao

It'sestablished in ysblf that Armando and Betty oftentimes spent most of their waking hours at work, and assuming it'sthe same in Ecomoda, so I don't see how they could be present parents in Camila's life. And you're right-- Betty's busy schedule is likley the cause of her distance with Camila. At the end of the day, children require a lot of attention, and I bet both Armando and Betty spent most of their time at Ecomoda, just like they did before having her. It's unfortunate but many times high position of power aren't very friendly with parenthood. If the 3rd season secides to use this as a backstory of why Camila and Betty are distanced, it'd be very realistic. I've seen firsthand how working too much, even if done for the children's sake, hurt the children emotionally and psychologically and create a breach between parents and children.

Ohh, I just thought about how it'd be very interesting to see Camila being closer to her grandparents than her parents. That'd be very realistic if Betty and Armando really didn't spend much time with her during her formative years, too.

It's unfortunate to live in a time when working and parenthood are so incompatible! Poor Betty must be exhausted!

Thanks for the ask!🥰

[abbyromanoff]

Too Late

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x reader, Wanda Maximoff x reader

Word count: 1465

Warnings: angst, unrequited love, sad!Wanda, self doubt, anger, sadness

No one is permitted to steal, copy, or reblog my work as their own!!

Wanda wiped the nervous sweat off of her hands and grabbed the red roses. She gave them a small sniff, smiling slightly to herself when the fresh smell hit her senses. She had been planning this moment for almost a year now. The day she joined the Avengers, she was immediately drawn to you. Your beauty outshined anyone she’d ever seen. You were majestic, an angel sent from heaven. She never believed in the Gods before you came around. She started to wonder what God gave her the blessing of the most beautiful person entering her life.

You were there with her through it all. When she lost her brother and pushed everyone away, you were there. When she had nightmares and woke up scared and afraid, you were there. And when she needed help on how to ask out the person she was in love with, you were there. You didn’t know who it was, of course, you didn’t. You were oblivious and she was too scared to tell you. You had given her some advice, telling her to give this special someone some flowers and to pour her heart out, even if she got hurt in the end.

She hoped you’d like this, she spent hours going over a speech on how much she loved you, her mirror was probably sick of hearing it. The rest of the afternoon she spent picking out flowers for you at your favorite store, she loved taking you there. Her heart warmed up any time she got to spend time with you, and whenever you’d ask her, she’d always say yes.

Her legs bounced as she picked herself up, walking to your door and waiting a moment to knock. She let her fist collide with the door, wiping the few strands of hair out of her face. She was beyond nervous, more scared than she’s ever been. What if you said no? What if you just saw her as a friend? What if’s ran through her head like a track star. She didn’t want this all to be for nothing, she just wanted you to be her girl once and for all.

Before the door opened, she heard a small ‘come in’. She assumed it was you, even if the voice sounded a little different from your own. When she heard footsteps coming even closer, she knew this was it. She was going to ask you to be hers once and for all, she finally was going to gain the courage to do this.

But when you opened the door, it wasn’t you. It was Nat. The woman she hated most. You and Nat have always gotten along, even knowing each other since the Red Room. She was your safe place, as were you to her. She had always been deeply in love with you. It had been nearly six years of her loving you. And now, she finally had you.

“Y/N, I need to come clean.” Nat had asked you to have a seat with her, stating she needed to talk to you. You were worried, afraid she would’ve said something bad. Was she going on a long mission? Did she not want to talk to you anymore? Did she hurt someone or herself?

“For as long as I can remember, I liked you. No, not even like. I fucking love you, Y/N. I love you more than myself, I love you more than I thought was ever possible. I can’t be your friend anymore, not when I want more. I tell you everything, I feel like I can tell you everything and you’ll listen. I’m not asking for you to love me or even like me back. All I’m asking is that this doesn’t make things weird between us. The last thing I want is to lose you-” Before she could let out another word, your mouth made its way to her own. She didn’t kiss back at first, not being able to register that this was real life. But when she finally came to her senses, she kissed you like no one has ever kissed you before.

It was filled with love and pure passion. It was everything she had imagined in her mind yet still even better. She leaned back, looking at you with hazy eyes that were marked with want and need.

“I want to prove my love to you, I want to make you feel my love. But, I don’t want to if you don’t want that. Tell me what you want, please. I’m more than happy with just holding you if that’s what you want.”

“I want it, I want you. Please make love to me. Please touch your girl, Nat.” Her body toppled over your own, leaving a strong peck on your lips as she lowered you to lay down on the bed. Her hands made their way to the bottom of your shirt, begging to lift it up and see what was beneath.

“My beautiful girl, so lucky to have you.”

“Hey, Wanda. What’s up?” She was in boxers and a wife beater, her necklace that she always wore still covering her chest. Her arm was resting against the wooden doorframe, leaving a small gap for anyone to walk through.

“Oh, Nat. Uhm, have you seen, Y/N? Are they in here?”

“Babe? Who is it?” Your body made view to her eyesight, being dressed in Nat’s sweatshirt and what looked like nothing for pants. Wanda connected the dots in her head, putting the image together and realizing what was happening. She was too late, you already found someone else. She watched the way Nat’s arm wrapped around your shoulders and pulled you close into her, smiling to herself as she left a small peck on your head. It was as if time was moving in slow motion, watching you giggle and move close into Nat’s body made her heart shatter.

“Nat! Wands is right here! I’m sorry, Wanda, what did you need?” She opened her mouth, the words trying to escape her being stuck. She hid the flowers by her side, the embarrassment hitting her like a ton of bricks.

“Uh, nothing. Nothing, just was going to see if you were free.” She saw your eyes wander to the object in her hands, giving a small smirk her way.

“You finally doing what I told you and asking the mystery girl out, hm?”

“Oh? Does little Wanda have a crush?” Nat teased, mimicking a baby voice to piss off her friend, or at least who she thought was her friend. Wanda faked a laugh, hiding the tears that threatened to escape her eyes.

“I was actually going to tell you that I’m finally going to ask them out, and I was just going to thank you for the advice. That’s all.” Saying those words crushed her almost even more than seeing you with her. It wasn’t all, all she wanted was you but she couldn’t have you. She lost that chance.

“Well, I’m glad you finally decided to listen to me. Nat and I hid our feelings for each other and she finally told me. If she never did, I wouldn’t be kissing her right now.” Nat leaned in to give you another kiss, this time on the lips. It was almost like she was bragging, showing off that she has you. If only she knew. If only she knew how she’d stay up every night thinking about you. If only she knew how her smile grew whenever you were near. If only she knew the number of pages used up in her journal about you and just you. What did she even do to deserve you? Did she even try? Did she buy your favorite flowers and spend hours working on a speech? Did she love you as much as Wanda loved you?

“I know she’ll love you, Wanda. Anyone would be an idiot to not want you, babes.” You could never be an idiot in her eyes, even if you stated it yourself. Even if you were the biggest idiot in the world, you’d still be perfection in her eyes.

“Yeah, I hope so.” And with that, she walked away. Not giving you another glance as her heart shattered. She wondered if it was a twin thing because she felt like she had been shot in the heart. By your arrow. By her one true love. She didn’t know if she’d ever move on, how could she? There was no better than you, but there clearly was a better than her. Maybe if she had gotten there earlier, maybe she would’ve been the one kissing you, holding you. Maybe she could’ve deserved your love. But maybe, she didn’t deserve your love after all.

[jisungsdaydreamer]

The Happiest Day of Her Life

«GENERAL M.LIST» · «NAVIGATION» · «TALK TO ME» · «TAGLIST»

SYNOPSIS He'll always smile if it's for you.

Pairing: Hyunjin x fem!reader Genre: angst Warnings: heavy drinking, unhappy ending, heartbreak Word Count: <;1k

P.S. ♡ If you like my work, please consider giving me feedback in the form of reblogs, comments, and asks! ♡

“I do.” 

You smile at Minho as you are both pronounced married; your heart has never been more full. He giddily dips you back when he kisses you, making you forget the entire world around you. You don’t notice the tightness of your menacing designer high heels. You don’t hear the thunderous applause from all of your swooning guests. You don’t notice your best friend’s heart breaking while he claps louder than anyone else in the crowd.

Hyunjin watches as you marry the love of your life, looking like the radiant and joyful bride that he always knew you would be. He just never imagined you’d be someone else’s and not his. You were each other’s first loves, but that love couldn’t last on both ends, eventually fading away on yours. You cherish him as your best friend, not the man you loved so long ago, and that’s why he’s here. After all, he’d watched as you fell in love again, with someone better than him in every way. He’d listened as you giddily told him about Minho, assuming that time had healed all wounds. He’d congratulated you as you showed off your shimmering diamond ring, forgetting that once upon a time, you had told Hyunjin you would marry him.

The entire ceremony was stunning, especially the vows that you and Minho had handwritten for each other. There wasn’t a dry eye in the crowd. Except for Hyunjin’s, ironically. The night before, he’d left the rehearsal dinner early, faking a headache and getting stupid drunk in his hotel room. An hour later, he sat slumped next to the toilet bowl and cried his heart out until morning. 

When the best man, Jisung, had banged on his door, reminding him to get off of the bathroom floor and get ready for the wedding he could not miss, he had looked into the mirror and promised himself that he would not shed one more tear. Not until tomorrow, because tomorrow, Hyunjin could lose it. But today, he will keep it together, for you. He will be happy for you, because this is the happiest day of your life. And he cannot ruin it.

You always wanted a beach wedding, and you finally have it, as you dance on the soft sand in your new husband’s arms. There are dainty festival lights strung up everywhere, and the mix of sweet music and the pleasant chatter is absolutely perfect. As you lean your head against Minho’s chest, serenely closing your eyes while he whispers sweet nothings into your ear, Hyunjin knows he can walk away.

So he does, wandering away from the reception and further along the beach, until he can’t hear the voices anymore. He finds a stray log washed up on the sand and sits on it, watching the sun slowly set. The hours pass, as the festivities go on and its lights twinkle in the distance, but Hyunjin stays there, quietly observing the roll of gentle waves.

The vibration of his watch snaps Hyunjin out of his reverie, signaling the end of the day. Midnight. Hyunjin lifts his head to look up at the moon, observing how even she had the stars in the sky to keep her company, unlike him. The pain is overwhelming, coming out of Hyunjin in a shattering sob. Finally, he lets the tears he has been holding back roll down his cheeks, uninhibited and raw.

Back at the party, you and Minho ask around if anyone has seen Hyunjin, both wanting to take photographs with him and preserve another beautiful moment of the day on paper. But Hyunjin will never forget what this day felt like, because today was the day that the love of his life was the happiest he had ever seen her. And that will be enough for him.

«GENERAL M.LIST» · «NAVIGATION» · «TALK TO ME» · «TAGLIST»

TAGLIST @chansburgah (please message to be added!)

©jisungsdaydreamer 2023 | All rights reserved. I do not condone translations or transfers of my work onto other platforms such as Wattpad, AO3, etc. Tumblr is my only platform. Acts of plagiarism are strictly prohibited.

[funnyjb]

Full of tears

Warnings: talk about death, tears, deep

———————————

April 26 was the day your life changed forever. It was around 6am when you got a call from your brother saying your mom was in the hospital. You rushed out of bed got your bag and ran out of the house. Joe knew your mom was sick so when you quickly rushed out of the house with him following along with you he knew what was wrong.

You were by her side for her last seconds. Holding her hand. Talking about all the great memories. Sang her favorite song One Love by Bob Marley. “Everything is going to be alright, I love you.” Were her last words to you before she passed. You sobbed for hours. You couldn’t believe it. Your best friend, your mom, your partner In crime was gone. Joe held you in his arms for all of the tears and pain you felt in the early hours.

Two days later was the funeral. Joes family was in attendance which you were so grateful for. Your brother and your dad and of course your mom’s friends and family all came to. You couldn’t stop crying. You got some time alone which was spent at your moms grave. You laughed thinking of all your jokes you had with her and great memories. Joe then later joined you and just held you in his arms.

That was 5 months ago. It was now late August. You were still grieving and taking it day by day. You haven’t cried in a while. You were bottling it all in. You felt numb sometimes. You didn’t know how to feel.

Joe just got home from practice and was looking for you because you were nowhere to be seen. He found you outside with your dog York. You were still in the same outfit as yesterday. Grey sweats and a light sweater. Your hair was in a braid with some strains flowing in the wind. You heard the back door open but didn’t want to turn to see who it was. You were just standing there. Hands crossed, taking in the fresh air.

“Hey.”- joe

“Hi.”- you

He gave you a kiss on the head

“How was your day?”- joe

“It was good.”- you

Joe took a deep sigh

“Y/n, you need to get help or talk to someone who isn’t me for a change, someone who can help you more than I can.”- joe

“Joe, what do you mean.”- you finally turn to look at him

“You aren’t yourself y/n. You’re grieving but you need to open up to someone who can help you through this time.”- joe

“I just lost my mother Joe!What do you expect?”- you scoffed

“I know y/n, I know. But you are bottling it all in, I know it y/n. I know you. I’m so sorry you are going through this and I can’t imagine what it’s like, but you need to find someone to talk to about this.”- joe

“I’m not bottling it all in! I lost my mom, Joe. MY MOM. You know how hard it is? Going through your day and not being able to talk to your best friend and the person that raised you your whole life? But I guess I’m a burden on you know with all my feelings so sure I will talk to someone Joe.”- you

By this point tears started streaming down your face

“You aren’t a burden y/n! I never said that! But I don’t know what it’s like losing my mom. I don’t. So all I’m saying is talk to someone who can help you through it more than I can. I’m just trying to help you y/n. I love you with my whole entire heart and just want you to be ok.”- joe

You just stood there trying not to full on sob.

“Fine. I will talk to someone.”- you

“Good, now come here.”- joe opened his arms

You fell right into his embrace. Your eyes getting more teary and now sobbing.

“Shh, shh, it’s ok. It’s ok, baby. You’re going to be ok.”- joe

He had one of his hand on your head stroking the back of your hair and the other in your back.

“I’m sorry joe.”- you

“Hey, for what?”- joe said confused

“For putting up with me these past few months. I have been crying non stop and haven’t been myself. I haven’t come to your practices or even asked you how your days have been. God I’m such an awful wife.”- you

“Hey, don’t ever say that, ever. You are an amazing wife. And you just lost your mom. It’s ok to be like this. It’s part of it. And all I’m worried about all day is you. I just want to get home to you. Even before all this I have always wanted to rush home to be by your side because I missed you so much. So don’t worry about my days when I’m the one worried about you.”- joe

You chuckled

“Ok.”- you

“Ok.”- joe kissed your forehead

“I love you, joey. And thank you for being here for me.”- you

“Always my love.”- joe

———————————————————————-

Authors note: ik it’s a sad one🥲 but it just popped in my head. I must have some deep thoughts🤚 and remember that everything is going to be ok!🩷

[ficnation]

Chapter 1

Series: The Cockroach Word count: 2,3k+ Pairings: Negan Smith x Reader; Lucille Smith x Reader; Negan Smith x Lucille Smith Warnings: cheating, mentions of cancer, usual twd themes A/n: Hi! Just posting lil finished something for you while I work on all of my other wips. Enjoy! If you're not on the taglist but would like to be tagged let me know!

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“He’s getting on my nerves, hun. Ugh, he’s just so infuriating but for some reason, I still can’t give up on him,” Lucille grumbled, and you could hear her restless footsteps on the other side of the phone.

You chuckled at her words but immediately bit your lower lip to muffle it when she snapped at you that it wasn’t funny at all.

You were at a point where you had no idea what advice you could give her in that matter. You were no marriage expert. But you were a good friend, so you listened through her hours-long monologues about her husband and butted in when you could to reassure her. She deserved more than Negan could ever give her because that guy gave her nothing but headaches.

“Maybe it’s just his charm,” you threw in, shrugging your shoulders even though you knew she couldn’t see it.

“Well, I wish this charm of his stopped working on me. Fuck, it’s just as if we’re speaking different languages. I tell him that we’re struggling with money and he goes on with his life spending 600$ for a fucking leather jacket! I just can’t believe it,” she complained, groaning at the memory of their latest fight.

“What an asshole,” Murphy spoke out loud from his place beside you on the couch, his ear pressed to the other side of the phone so he could listen in on the gossip.

You shushed him with clenched teeth, swatting at his arm. He promised you beforehand that he was going to be quiet if he wanted to listen in and keep you company, but he couldn’t keep his mouth shut like always. Annoying bastard.

“Yeah, you could say that. Hi, Murphy.” Lucille laughed on the other side of the line. It didn’t bother her anymore that your friend was so invested in her life’s latest gossip and drama.

“Hello, darling,” the man greeted her back, yanking the cell phone out of your hand. He ignored your loud protests, standing up from the couch so you couldn’t reach for the device. “You know what, you should totally leave that douchebag and go on a date with me,” he joked, a proud grin on his face.

“Murph, not to burst your bubble but you’re also an asshole. Don’t think it would be a huge improvement for her.” You stuck out your tongue at him before jumping up to your feet and grabbing the phone out of his hand.

The man in front of you pretended to be offended by your comment, clutching his chest theatrically. “Take that back!”

You rushed over to the bathroom and locked yourself in for some peace and quiet. Murphy groaned from the other room so loudly that you could hear him through the walls. You laughed at that. He was just like an overgrown child.

“Is he gone?”

“Yeah, he started getting on my nerves,” you admitted, biting your finger in thought. “You deserve so much more, Lucy. It saddens me to hear how he treats you.”

“I just… I can’t leave him. I know that somewhere inside there he is still the sweet man I fell in love with.” You could hear your friend’s voice breaking on the other side of the line, and you had a feeling that tears were already streaming down her face.

Lucille was the strongest woman you’ve ever known, and you admired her so much for it. But everyone has a breaking point where they lose all hope and feel like everything around them is falling apart. You were afraid that your friend had just reached that point in her life. It broke your heart to even think about it and imagine what she was going through.

“Try talking to him, Lucy. You’re both adults, even though sometimes, or most of the time, it feels like you’re the only grown person in this marriage. Words can change so much, sweets. Just try one more time. Don’t leave it like it is,” you encouraged her, hoping that your words would give her at least a little bit of hope. You knew she hated giving up, even when it compromised her well-being; she was stubborn like that.

The woman sniffled into the microphone, making you sigh in sadness. You wanted to hug her and make it all better, but you knew you didn’t hold power like that in your hands. What you could do, though, was distract her, but you weren’t sure if she was in the mood for it.

“Tell you what, how about you come over for dinner and a sleepover tomorrow? Just a little break from it all.” You pinched your arm and waited for her to respond, hoping she would agree to it. You missed her so much.

There was a long pause on the other end before Lucy sighed. You already knew her answer was going to be negative. Scratching your arm, you cursed yourself in your head. You got your hopes up, like always.

“I wish I could, hun, but I have an MRI tomorrow,” she reminded you; you could hear her nails tapping on the counter nervously.

“Shit, it’s already tomorrow? Will he pick you up?” The concern was evident in your voice. You waited for her response with bated breath.

“I haven’t asked him yet, but I know he will. After making me so mad, he knows he needs to make it up to me somehow.” She chuckled, trying to brighten up the mood of the conversation. It worked just a little more than you allowed yourself to admit.

“He has no other choice now.” You smiled slightly to yourself before another negative thought popped up in your head. What if he doesn’t show up? No, you couldn’t think like that. Lucy was right; he had to make it up to her somehow.

“But… If he doesn’t—”

The woman cut you off confidently, “He will. No buts.”

“Lucille, seriously. If he doesn’t, and god I hope he’s not that fucking dumb, but if he doesn’t go with you or pick you up, you call me immediately. I will run there for you if I have to.”

“You’re too sweet to me, hun.”

“Only to you, Lucy.”

The next day you couldn’t sit still for more than five minutes. With your cell phone always pressed into your palm, you waited impatiently. At this point, you didn’t care about whether Negan showed up; you just wanted to hear from her that she was healthy and they didn’t find anything unsettling in the scans.

Around the evening, you heard knocking on your door. At first, you assumed it was Murphy coming over to annoy you for the hundredth time that day, but he had keys. He’d just let himself in without a second thought, and he’d make a lot more noise than that, screaming your name and telling you all about his day before he even knew whether you were home or not.

You looked through the judas, and you had to do a double take because you didn’t expect at all to see the familiar green-eyed woman standing on the other side of the door. You quickly unlocked it with trembling hands. 

“Lucy, what are you doing here?” you asked when the door no longer shielded you from her.

“Is that dinner and sleepover proposal still on the table?” your friend asked with tears streaming down her face. Even the smudged mascara on the top of her cheeks and the messy hair on her head didn’t make her look less angelic. 

“Of course it is,” you assured, looking her up and down in concern.

Lucille threw her arms around you and burst into sobs. Her shaking body pressed tightly against yours; she needed to feel that you were truly there for her. She just needed someone to care, to be there for her without her having to beg for it.

You could almost hear your heart breaking into million pieces in your chest. You weren’t sure whether Lucille’s presence at your door meant something had happened between her and Negan or that the doctors had found something in the scans. But you cried for her all the same, pulling her into the apartment and kicking the door closed with your foot.

The both of you stood in the middle of the hallway, embraced and in tears for long minutes that felt almost like hours before you managed to calm down enough to lead Lucy towards the couch. You helped her sit down but didn’t let her go even for a second, sticking to her side like glue.

You waited patiently for her to start the conversation herself, no questions asked. Nothing was more important to you than making her feel safe and cared for. You weren’t in a hurry and didn’t want to rush her into something she wasn’t ready for. 

After some time, she mustered the strength to speak up, “Thank you for being here for me.” Her voice sounded hoarse, and you could only imagine how much pain her mind had to endure today.

You hugged her tighter and kissed the top of her head. “Anytime, Lucy, anytime. You know that.”

Lucille sniffled, trying to regain control of herself before she sat up straight again and faced you. She played nervously with the hem of your shirt while you raised your sleeve to swipe over her moist cheeks, her mascara leaving smudged stains on the blue fabric.

“Did they find anything strange in the scans?” you asked gently, holding her hand in yours and running your fingers over her knuckles.

Her face fell once again. Lucille nodded and then buried her face into the crook of your neck. She sobbed in anguish, not knowing how to stop the tears from escaping her eyes. Every cry that wracked her frame pierced your heart. You wanted to take all that pain away from her or even just a part of it so she wouldn’t feel so alone in that battle. 

Your mind was whirling with questions, but you said nothing. It was all that mattered at the moment to be patient and be there for her. She needed you more than ever. After all, that’s what friends did, right? They supported each other no matter how hard it could be.

You didn’t know how much time had passed before Lucy calmed down and sat up again. Her nose was still red, but she stopped crying. Your hand caressed her messy hair, twirling the random strands between your fingers. You hoped your touch could help her focus on the world outside her mind. 

“I have cancer,” she whispered, barely able to look you in the eye.

Your blood turned cold. You’d been expecting something horrible, but this? This was worse than any possible thing you’d considered in your head. You swallowed hard and took in a shaky breath. So many questions raced through your mind that processing them took you a minute. In the end, the only word that came out of your mouth was, “What?”

It seemed to be all she needed to tell you because her shoulders soon shook again. You reached out, put an arm around your friend, and pressed her head to your collarbone as she dissolved into more tears. And just like that, you lost it too.

You had no idea what you could say to reassure her about the future. How could you tell her that everything will be alright without knowing for sure? You would never lie to her.

All you knew was that you loved her. And it wasn’t going away; you weren’t going away. That realization sent your whole world crashing down. But you held her tight and rocked back and forth, trying to console her. For her sake, and yours, you had to remain strong. 

You made spaghetti for dinner while Lucy lit up a few incense sticks and candles around your living room, something that always made her feel a little more at peace. She settled down on the couch, wrapping herself in one of the blankets that was carelessly thrown over the backrest. It was her favorite one, made out of thick wool with little pink strawberries embroidered all over the green fabric.

You watched her through the doorway as she slumped down against the couch and pulled the blanket up to press it against her cheek, always amazed by its softness. The corner of your mouth quirked up slightly at the sight. 

When you finished cooking, you grabbed two forks and jumped onto the couch, sitting down next to Lucille. You handed her one of the plates, kissing her cheek softly and dropping the remote on her lap. Without a complaint, you let her choose every movie you watched that night, making sure she was busy deciding whether she was in the mood to watch a horror or a comedy, too occupied to let the dark thoughts overwhelm her.

The next day when Lucille returned home, she had no more tears left in her. She left all of her pained cries and the uncertainties swimming around her head at your apartment. You had listened to her yesterday for long hours, staying up till the sunshine slipped in through the blinds. You let her get everything off her chest and offered comfort without expecting anything back. 

But she kept a few pieces of information for herself, away from your reach. She didn’t tell you that Negan was fucking her friend Janine and that he lied to her, saying he was “too busy” to pick her up from the clinic. She didn’t want you storming into her house, ready to choke him to death and make him regret being born. Lucille wanted to deal with it herself. Her own way.

@whiskeypowder @hopefulatrocity @witheringblooddemon @humanmistakes @yttricuz @twdeadlysins @donttelltheelff @spidergirla5 @sexyseabass @sweetpotatospock @witchygagirl @tuttifuckinfruttifriday @hopefulatrocity

[melancholicheart]

All This Time- Chapter 8

cw: implied/referenced transphobia, trans male pregnancy (past, mentioned), angst, miscommunication, fluff and happy ending

Simon hears Johnny loud and clear. Nods his head a little and sits back into the couch. He tries to speak, no words coming from his mouth, and he eventually commits himself to silence.

He agrees with Johnny. He doesn’t want to die in the field, lose his life on foreign ground, potentially not even get a slither of his body back to even bury, and he can’t imagine Elizabeth having to cope with that. He doesn’t want her to end up as fucked up as he was.

Before he can comprehend even making a full sentence, his phone vibrates on the chair beside him and Price’s name lights up the screen.

“We can carry on talking later,” Johnny assures, “I know you’re going to want time, Si. Take Price’s call.”

Simon nods and grabs his phone, placing it to his ear and managing a small ‘yeah’ as he answers the call.

“I have answers.” Is all Simon gets. No hello, no ‘how are you?’, just work. “Gaz and I are going to come over, we need to talk in person. I take it you’re with John and the kid?”

Simon mumbles another ‘yes’ before Price can be heard by both men in the living room, “Wheels up in 30. Be with you in about an hour, two tops. Be good to see Soap again, more excited about meetin’ the little ‘un though.”

“She’s great, Price.” Simon mutters and Johnny watches him from the side, a small smile creeping onto his face.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Elizabeth peaking around the corner and she jumps back when Johnny spots her. He smiles at her and beckons her over, the little girl racing to Johnny and jumping onto him as she dives for the couch. He catches her under her arms and swings her up onto his lap. Simon places his phone down and sighs. He turns and sees Elizabeth sat on Johnny, playing with his hair and squeezing his face and smiles.

“Price and Gaz know something.” He informs, “They’re on their way over, wanna talk in person. I bet you’ve missed them, Gaz especially I presume. He’s missed you, I can guarantee that.”

Johnny nods and smiles, cuddling Elizabeth close and nuzzling her chin with his nose, making her squeal with laughter as he tickles her, “Papa stop!”

“Never,” Johnny growls, tickling her more and she shrieks out again, “I’m never letting you go!”

“Daddy, help!” She wails and Simon chuckles, snatching his daughter from Johnny and holding her away from him.

“He’s so cruel to you isn’t he darling?” Simon muses, holding Elizabeth like a baby and kissing her forehead lightly, “Such a meanie.”

“A big meanie.” Elizabeth agrees as Johnny pouts.

“Hey!”

For the umpteenth time in Johnny’s life, time seems to both halt and fly by. Before he knows it, there’s a knock at the door and Johnny’s breath stills completely. Five years. Five fucking years since he’s even spoken to his best friend and former Captain, never mind seen them. His stomach sinks as Simon clambers to his feet and answers the door.

Johnny grabs a tight hold of Elizabeth and stands, slowly making his way to the door too where he sees Price and Gaz. Price is carrying a folder, tucked under his arms, and a casual jacket covers his arms. His facial hair is most certainly within ‘old man beard’ territory now with his hair curling a little behind his ears. Certainly longer than Johnny’s ever seen it.

Gaz is timeless. There isn’t a hair out of place on his head, not a single wrinkle or crease extra to be found. His biggest change has nothing to do with aging at all, more like trauma. Blunt force, to be specific. There’s a bump on his forehead, no doubt aging now since it isn’t bruised, but fresh stitches cover a slight cut in it. Likely from the butt of a gun. Johnny’s own head aches as he remembers the many injuries of the like he himself sustained.

“Papa,” Elizabeth mutters, eyeing the men cautiously and nervously tucking her face into his neck, “They the men in the pictures?”

Johnny nods, “Yeah sweetheart, they’re mine and Daddy’s friends. Uncle Gaz and Grandpa Price. He ain’t really your Granda’, it’ll just drive him mad if you call him that.”

“Soap,” Price says, pushing past Simon with Gaz in tow. Gaz claps a hand onto Simons’ bicep before following after the Captain. Johnny feels like he’s about to be chewed out for dangerous decision making or the likes when Price stands before him until he takes note of the man’s eyes. Relief, “It’s bloody good to see you son.”

“You too, sir.”

Price turns to Elizabeth and holds a hand out to her, “I believe you’re Miss Elizabeth, is that right?”

She nods and gently puts her hand into Price’s, him shaking her hand with a warm smile on his face, “A pleasure to meet you, kiddo.”

Elizabeth wiggles out of Johnny’s hold and runs over to Simon, wanting to be held by him instead, and Gaz takes the opportunity to throw himself at Johnny. Johnny holds onto Gaz and feels tears brewing in his eyes.

“You’re a fucking moron, Soap,” Gaz mutters, “You and Simon. God I’ve fuckin’ missed you, brother.”

“I’ve missed you too, Gaz,” Johnny whispers, “Coulda done with you throughout all o’ this.”

Gaz chuckles, “I bet.”

Simon taps Gaz’s shoulder and gestures to the angry looking child in his arms, “She wants you to stop swearing.”

“Oh shit, uh, I mean, yeah, sure kiddo! Bad first impression of your Uncle Gaz, ai?” Gaz rubs the back of his neck and smiles sheepishly. Elizabeth giggles at him and nods.

“Papa swears all the time!” Elizabeth chuckles.

“No I do not!” Johnny yelps.

Price chortles, “Nothing’s changed there then has it MacTavish?”

“No Sir.” He sighs.

Before long, they’re all well acquainted once more and Elizabeth takes her time playing with each of them and gauging how she feels about them all. She has taken a liking to Gaz, mainly because he does silly voices when she plays with him, but she keeps gravitating towards Price and climbing into his lap when she gets tired.

Eventually, she only wants the embrace of her Papa and climbs up into his arms. She seems tired, presumably from all the running around and playing she’s been doing, and she starts to nod off whilst tucked in between Johnny and Simon on the couch.

Simon, always believing in ‘no time like the present’, turns his attention to Price and clears his throat, “Are you going to tell us what you found or just sit and make small talk all day?”

Price chuckles at the Lieutenants tone but his smile quickly falls, “Yeah it’s- well, it ain’t pleasant stuff.” He turns and looks at Elizabeth who is pulling on Johnny’s shirt and dancing one of her dinosaurs on his stomach as her eyes flutter slowly. “Perhaps she’d be better in bed?”

Johnny nods and goes to move with Lizzie but she just whines and clutches onto Johnny tighter, “Baby, don’t you want to go to sleep? I will tuck you and Ricky in.” Ricky is her dinosaur pal.

She shakes her head, “A wanna cuddle.”

“We’re going to be having a rubbish grown up conversation,” He tries to reason, “Are you sure?”

She nods fervently, “I go sleepy here, Papa.”

“Alright, love, come here.” He holds her more comfortably and strokes her hair softly as she goes back to drifting off. He gestures towards Price and allows him to proceed.

“I’ll cut to the chase then,” Price clears his throat and stretches back into the chair, “Gaz and I did some digging, got in touch with Laswell too. All the calls are recorded and such and, well, the ones from you were locked away. When we listened, it was General Sutton that shut you down. I think he heard about your ‘situation’, John, because the last thing we picked up on was you saying you were expecting before the line went dead.”

Johnny shrinks into himself, “I- I already thought they hung up on me. That was the day I found out, I was sat on the bathroom floor crying and begging for them to let me speak to you or Simon.”

Price nods, “We know, son. Turns out, Sutton had plans for Ghost. Sent Simon out near enough the following day. Every call of yours, every letter, it’s been blocked or returned. Sutton wouldn’t let this slip up. He had heard what you said and knew that if Simon caught wind of it, he would’ve left and he didn’t want that.”

“That prick,” Simon grumbles, “Damn near killed me on those jobs and kept me away from this? From everything!”

“Sutton didn’t want to admit it, but Gaz and I- well- let’s just say we ‘forcefully’ took him, and we questioned him about it. He spilled his own secrets pretty quickly. Told us how he hated MacTavish, couldn’t believe the 141 took him in, hated the image we were giving the military by having John yet he recognised that you’re a bloody good soldier, Soap. He said that with you gone, we couldn’t afford to lose Ghost too and so, he elaborated this whole coverup so Simon would never find out about Elizabeth. Made you think that Simon forgot about you and Simon- he made you think John moved on.” Price finishes.

Simon looks at Gaz who is staring at his lap. He has anger seething from him and Simon recognises that they’re all hurt by this.

He turns to Elizabeth, tucked into Johnny’s side snoozing away, and sees his daughter. He’s not exaggerating when he says he could’ve died. There were a few close calls, a couple near misses and some poor timing over the last few years that nearly stripped his baby girl from ever meeting him.

Just like Johnny said, regardless of what he thinks of himself, his daughter looks at him like he’s made of gold and the thought of dying in the dirt without ever seeing her beautiful face or without ever making her smile the way she does around him almost kills him there and then.

He clenches his fist and mulls over Price’s words. It doesn’t fully sink in before Johnny speaks.

“Y’know when I was a kid and I first came out, I thought about the other kid’s reactions. How I was gonna be treated by them was all that mattered. I didn’t think I’d still be dealing with how people treat me just because I am who I am.” Johnny mumbles, curled up on the couch. Elizabeth is flat out and panned across Johnny whilst Simon is tightly pressed on the other side of her, practically cuddling Johnny.

He reaches behind the couch and grabs a hold of the scruff of Johnny’s neck. He pulls him towards him and Johnny gets the message and rests his head on Simon’s shoulder with a soft sigh.

Gaz clears his throat and speaks up. His tone indicative of his fighting tongue; “Sutton has been discharged. Dishonourably.”

“Good fuckin’ riddance if you ask me.” Price mutters. He clambers to his feet and gestures to the sliding door that leads to the barely-there balcony of the flat. Smoke break. Johnny nods as he strides over to the door.

“Swear,” Elizabeth mutters, “No swearing.”

Johnny and Simon look down and Johnny pouts, “Oh sweetheart, you don’t look comfortable at all. C’mon, let’s get you comfy.”

He stands up and sits her on his hip, her head pressed to his neck as he carries her through to his room.

Gaz turns to Simon, “He’s a natural Dad, huh?”

Simon nods, “He’s fuckin’ perfect, Garrick. Could do it all on his own if he had to.”

“But you don’t want him to?” Gaz asks.

Simon shakes his head, “God no.”

Johnny sits on the floor beside Elizabeth’s bed, knelt on his knees as he ricks her in and makes Ricky the Dinosaur kiss her nose. She giggles sleepily and grabs ahold of Ricky.

“Love you, Papa.” She mumbles, snuggling her toy.

Johnny leans over and kisses her forehead, brushing her crazy hair back as he smiles, “I love you more, darling girl.”

He sits for a while, just watching her as she sleeps. He strokes her hair repeatedly and sighs softly, a warm smile on his face.

The door clicks behind him and his shoulders tense.

“Is she asleep?” Simon’s voice breaks the silence.

Johnny nods. He hardly trusts his voice right now. Simon sits beside him and a hand snakes around his waist, “Johnny? Talk to me.”

Johnny turns to Simon, makes momentary eye contact, and tears immediately trickle down his face. Simon falters but quickly bundles Johnny into his arms and holds him tightly.

“I’m sorry Simon, I’m so so sorry.” Johnny hiccups, “If I’d have just- I don’t know. You would’ve known her, you would’ve been here from the beginning if I’d have just been- if I hadn’t-”

“Johnny don’t you dare say that,” Simon shoves him aside a little and grabs his face, staring into his eyes, “Don’t you think for one second that this would’ve all been fine if you hadn’t of been yourself. We would’ve never met, Elizabeth wouldn’t even bloody exist and you- Johnny you wouldn’t have been you. Shit happens, especially to us, but we’re here now and we have a beautiful daughter to look after. Let’s leave the past where it bloody belongs.”

Johnny nods a little, not breaking eye contact, and the tears just coat his lashes whilst his eyes remain shiny with unshed pain. Simon pulls him in close again and feels Johnny hug back. A slight chuckle sounds from Johnny, “Never thought I’d hear the day you, of all people, would say to leave the past in the past.”

Simon laughs a little too and rests his head on Johnny’s, “Yeah well I’m a little sick of living in the past. I want to live in the present, right now, where I have you and I have Elizabeth. I have the two things I’ve always needed but didn’t know what I was missing out on until I had it. Until I had you both.”

“We need you, Simon Riley,” Johnny sighs, watching his daughter as she breathes peacefully through her sleep. Simon does the same. “We need you so much more than you’ll ever know.”

[dankfarrikfifi]

An End and a Beginning

Pt.5 of Some Version of You, 3.3k

WARNINGS: MDNI 18+ only, angst, reader’s dad is an asshole, discussions of divorce, discussions of an unhappy marriage, internal conflict, anxiety, lots of questioning things, mentions of losing a home, lmk if I missed anything!

You have a tough conversation with your mom, and an even worse one with your dad after, and Frankie is always there for you.

In the six months that you and Frankie have been together, you’ve come to realize how much you were missing in life before meeting him. You take turns staying at each other’s houses, spending more time together than not. You went on the best dates you’ve ever experienced, eating his delicious cooking and enjoying each other’s company. He made you happier than you thought a partner could, despite that little voice in your head that said you were getting attached a little too fast. How could you not, though? Frankie was the epitome of the person you’ve always dreamt of being with, and now that you have him in your life, you aren’t keen on letting go.

You find yourself daydreaming during your cafe shifts about your future, and in every vision you see Frankie. A life together, with the man of your dreams. A part of you was honestly startled by it, but it was usually outnumbered by the parts of you that basked in his presence. And that didn’t bother you one bit. Until your mother calls on a random Tuesday that, in your mind, holds no significance.

“You know it’s our anniversary right?” she asks you mid-conversation, and your breath catches for a minute.

“Like your and dad’s anniversary?” you question, caught off guard by the sudden change in topic from what meals you and Frankie had made earlier in the week.

“Yup,” Is your mom’s simple response.

”Wow, I didn’t even know that, I’m sorry,” you apologize sincerely. You know how your mom still aches from their divorce, and you do feel guilty knowing you had forgotten a day that had once held so much significance for her.

”It’s okay sweetie,” your mom assures you, “I didn’t expect you to remember, it’s been a long time since any of us celebrated it. Just made me think, did you know that this year we’ve been apart for as long as we were together? I just can’t reconcile with that for some reason.”

She trails off and you’re honestly not sure what to respond with. Your parents have been divorced since you were eight, and at that point their relationship had devolved to the point that you couldn’t imagine them being in love at any point. In fact, you honestly never understand what brought them together in the first place, given the animosity you had experienced. The silence is only a little awkward.

”Oh sweetie, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bum you out,” your mom rushes out, “I just couldn’t help thinking of it, you know the way you talk about Frankie? I used to talk about your dad like that to my mom. I definitely want to meet him, it sounds like you really like him!”

The conversation picks back up, but you find yourself suddenly unable to pay attention, the words your mom had spoken are the only things you can focus on. The way you talk about Frankie reminding her of your dad? Nothing could scare you more than that. You chat for a while longer before letting your mom know it’s time to go to work. It’s not 100% a lie, your shift starts in two hours so you have to start getting ready at some point, but really you just need some time to think.

You’re midway getting dressed for work, completely lost in your own thoughts, when you notice Benny standing in the doorway of your bedroom.

”Jesus, Ben,” you yelp, “How long have you been standing there?”

”I’ve been trying to get your attention for like a minute, weirdo, what’s up with you?” he questions, stepping forward to pull you into a hug. You didn’t know how bad you needed it till now.

”I don’t know,” you murmur into his chest, finding comfort in the arms of your best friend, “I talked to mom and she said something that just made me, I don’t know, start to overthink.”

“What did she say?” He pulls away a bit to sit the two of you on the edge of your bed. You lean your head on his shoulder and start talking, suddenly unable to stop.

“She was talking about how it’s her and my dad’s anniversary today, and she said the way I talk about Frankie reminded her of them and I just, I don’t know it freaked me out,” you find yourself becoming a bit misty eyed as you speak, “I never knew my parents being happy in their marriage. They were always bickering and wouldn’t talk for days on end. I’m worried about Frankie and I, I don’t know, burning out? Ending up like them?”

Benny pulls you tighter against him, resting his own head on top of yours. He lets you rant for a while, spilling your guts out until you realize you have to leave for work in a few minutes. You wipe your eyes, pulling back to look up at Benny, who hasn’t said much. You raise your eyebrow, encouraging him to speak.

“I don’t know what to tell you,” he admits, “All I can say is you gotta do what’s best for you, and if you’re legitimately worried, why don’t you talk to Frankie?”

”What would I even say?” you ask, an edge to your voice that you just can’t help, “I can’t just go up to him and say we have to break up because my parents are divorced. Plenty of people’s parents are divorced, and they can have happy lives. Why can’t I?”

You’re winding yourself up, you can tell, so you take a few deep breaths. Benny is looking at you, a look you can’t quite decipher on his face. Before he can speak, you turn around to grab your flannel.

“I gotta get to work, I’ll see you later,” you smile at him, or at least attempt to, and shuffle down the stairs and out the door.

———————————————————————

Dinner at mine or your’s tonight?

You’ve been staring at the text from Frankie for at least 10 minutes now, completely frozen. How could you talk to him about all that’s been going through your head today without making your worries known? You aren’t ready to approach that yet, so you set your phone down and start your closing duties. By the time you finish, you feel like you can’t ignore him any longer without being an asshole.

Sorry, not feeling good tonight :( maybe we can reschedule?

You’ve barely hit send before a response comes through. It warms your heart for a moment, before the tight grip of anxiety takes over again.

I’m sorry. Is there anything you need?

You let it sit again on your drive home, and you’re just pulling in the driveway when your phone rings.

“Hey pretty girl,” Frankie’s voice is soft, and you find it bringing you comfort, “Are you okay?”

You clear your throat before answering, a nervous tick you both seem to share.

”Uh, hey, sorry I was driving home from work,” you tell him, your voice weak, “I just, I’ve had a bad day.”

”I’m sorry, hermosa, anything I can do?” his unwavering kindness almost breaks through the wall you were quickly building.

“I, I don’t know,” you say honestly, “I’ve just got a lot on my mind from my mom today.”

”Are you okay? You know I’m here for you, right? Anything you need.”

”I think I need some time to think,” you blurt out, and you can feel your heart drop through your stomach, “My mom she just, she gave me a lot to think about that I can’t get out of my head and I just, I don’t know what I want to do right now.”

Frankie takes a second to respond, just long enough for your brain to start panicking.

“When you say you need to think, do you mean about us? What did your mom say?”

”I think so,” you almost whisper, tears forming in the corners of your eyes, “She told me that we remind her of her and my dad when they were young, and I don’t know if I could handle us turning out the same way they did.”

He takes another second, letting out a deep sigh. You’re starting to truly cry, and you know he can hear it.

”I can see where you’re coming from, but also, we aren’t your parents, are we?” His voice is still soft, but you can also hear an ounce of pain in it, “I, I’m gonna let you think for a while, just know that I really care about you, like a lot, and I hope you know that.”

You sniffle, taking a deep breath.

”Ok, I know, I just, I need a bit,” you mutter, trying not to show how upset you are, “Thank you for listening, I’ll talk to you soon.”

He bids you a gentle goodbye, and before long it’s just you sitting in the silence of your car. You take a moment to compose yourself, not wanting Benny to see you so miserable. After some deep breaths, you trudge inside, not taking note of the fact that the car in your driveway is not Benny’s.

——————————————————————

You’re midway through untying your shoes when you hear someone clearing their throat. You jump, startled by the sudden voice of someone that is not your roommate. Rising to your feet and turning around, you come face to face with the last person you need to see today.

”Hello,” your dad greets with his usual formality, “Took you long enough to get back.”

You swallow harshly, completely taken aback by the fact that your father is standing in front of you, in your house, your safe space. His presence was never one of comfort, reminding you of days he had yelled at you for leaving your shoes out when you were six, nights of being lectured over and over.

“Hi, dad,” you can’t help it when your voice cracks a little, still reeling from the conversation you had with Frankie. “What, uh, what are you doing here?”

”I came here to talk to you, and hopefully Benjamin, but I don’t see him and this can’t wait.”

You start to panic, these talks with your dad always ending in a fight, or tears, or both. And yet, you nod and lead him further into the house. You offer him a glass of water, which he declines, and you soon find yourself sitting at your kitchen table with your father staring you down. It feels so odd, having him here in what, for the last three years, had been your own home.

“I have been graciously allowing you to stay in this house for quite a while,” he jumps right in, and his tone has your throat tightening, “But, my father left this house to me when he passed, not you, and it would make a very lucrative piece of property.”

”Are you saying-“ you start, but your dad holds up his hand with a severe glint in his eye. You stop immediately.

“What I’m saying,” he resumes, his tone suddenly harsh, “Is that I am no longer allowing you to live in this house”

Your mind goes blank, ears ringing as you try to process what he just said. You blink a few times, staring at him wide-eyed. He stares right back and doesn’t back down.

”Do you understand what I’m telling you?” he pushes, and you shake your head on instinct, trying to pull yourself out of whatever nightmare you’ve found yourself in. ”Then let me make it clear. This is my house, and it will now be treated as such. No more handouts, I am done furnishing your inactivity.You and Benjamin have two weeks to vacate before I take legal action.”

With that, he stands and leaves the house without another word. You’re still sitting in the dining room when Benny walks in 20 minutes later, staring at the wood grain of the table. The table that you’ve built memories on, sharing breakfast with your best friend, writing stories while Will cooks. You even think about the time Frankie had propped you on the edge of this table while devouring your mouth with his own.

You’re torn from your thoughts by Benny’s hand patting your shoulder as he passes. When you don’t respond, continuing to stare at the table and run your fingers over it, he calls your name, placing his face in your eye line. You can’t help it when you burst into tears.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, pulling you into his arms as you sob, “Seriously bud, what’s going on?”

You take some shuddering breaths before explaining the conversation you had just had. Benny goes stiff against you, pulling you closer as you talk. You can feel him breathing shallowly, and you think he’s freaking out just as much as you are. Finally, he pulls back to look you in the eyes. For just a moment, you think he’s mad at you. And then he starts talking.

“Fuck that guy,” he spits, suddenly standing up to pace, “No, seriously, fuck him. Who cares if he takes the house away? We’ll find another place, we’ll find a new home, but him? He’s always gonna be a bitter asshole!”

You let him rant for a moment, resting your head in your hands. You understand that he’s upset, and that this is how Benny usually processes his anger, but you just feel numb. You’re upset, for sure, but no expression of that upset feels appropriate. In fact, there’s only one thing you want to do. You silently excuse yourself to the backyard, plopping down onto your hammock, facing away from the house. You send a single text before throwing your phone on the ground in frustration.

You rest your head back, staring up at the sky with one foot planted on the ground, rocking yourself back and forth. You’re lost in thought, or more lack thereof, when a shadow crosses over you. You barely blink when Frankie eases himself into the spot next to you. Without saying anything, he takes over the rocking for you as you curl into a little ball against his side. He wraps his arm around you, pulling you closer as your shoulders shake a bit with your sniffles.

“It’s gonna be ok,” he murmurs, hand soothing down your back. You can’t help but feel immediately soothed by his presence, your heartbeat slowing and your breath evening out. You mumble something into his chest, but he hums and pulls you away to better hear you.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, voice hoarse. “I thought, I don’t know why I thought we would end up like them, but I know, I know for sure now that we won’t and I know that-”

You’re rambling, and he lets you, until you’re out of words and just breathing him in. You can feel yourself growing calmer, the intense rush of emotions finally easing its grip on you. You lift your head and meet Frankie’s gaze. He’s already looking at you, his eyes soft. He waits for you to talk first.

“My dad is a bad person,” he looks a little startled by your opening line, “he’s a dick with no emotions and I don’t know how anyone could ever love him. You? You’re a good person, you’d never treat me the way he treated my mom, you’d never do what he’s doing to his kid. We’re not my parents, and I’m sorry for even suggesting that.”

”You have absolutely nothing to apologize for, hermosa,” his hand lifts to smooth across your brow, your eyes sliding shut at the comforting motion, “I want you to be happy, and comfortable, and if you needed to make sure that’s how you feel, I’m happy to let you take the time to think.”

You smile, a soft curve of your lips that sets his heart alight. He pulls you closer into him, until you’re practically on top of his warm chest. You tilt your head up to face him, brushing a strand of his hair away from his forehead.

“I did need time to think,” you whisper against his lips, “But I know now, I’m happy and comfortable when I’m with you. I want to be with you.”

He presses his mouth firmly against yours and you return the kiss with fervor. The two of you sit together, content to breathe each other in for the moment. You’re pulled away from the kiss by the voices of the boys filtering out from the back door. It’s only then that you realize how cold you are, the February air biting at your cheeks despite Frankie’s warmth.

“I want to stay here, with you, forever,” you murmur, lips gently brushing his, “But I’m freezing my ass off, and we have to start packing.”

He lifts you in his arms, a surprised laugh bursting from your lips as you wrap your legs around his waist. He carries you inside, plopping the two of you onto the love seat, joining Benny, Will, and Santi in the living room. There are already drinks on the table, and you happily help yourself to one, sipping it slowly and leaning against Frankie.

The five of you chat, sharing your favorite memories of the house. It feels like you’re ending a chapter of your life that you weren’t quite prepared for but you try to look at the positive side of things. An end of one chapter, yes, but, you hope, the beginning of a whole new story.

—---------------------------------------------------

Two weeks. How is one supposed to take all their earthly possessions, say goodbye to their home, and find a new one, all in two weeks? This was a question you were quickly finding the answer to, which is that it’s next to impossible. Every box filled brings a wave of emotion, of memories. The worst of all? The search for a new house. Will had offered to let you and Benny split the guest room, but it was far from a permanent solution. And then, finally, a solution presents itself.

You’re packing your bedroom, the last hurdle to reach the end of this arduous process. Frankie is helping with your clothes, folding and putting them in a box as you pull them from your dresser. You’re working in a comfortable silence, broken only by his humming of whatever song comes on. It’s been like this for at least an hour, little to no talking as you pack and pack and pack. So you’re a bit startled when Frankie speaks.

“So, when are we talking about you moving in with me?” he asks you, still focusing on folding an old pajama shirt. He looks up at you and sees the surprised look on your face before continuing. “I mean, that is what’s happening, right? I just kind of assumed but…”

He trails off, and you’re still staring at him. He has just a moment to reconsider his question before you beam at him, the type of smile that lights up your entire face.

“Well, took you long enough to ask, jeez,” you joke, resuming the task at hand as if you hadn’t just made a huge decision with your boyfriend, “I mean, you really think I can live with not one, but two Miller boys, and remain sane?”

He laughs, a boisterous noise that warms you from the inside. He pulls you to him, pressing a chaste kiss against your lips before the two of you pick up your packing at a renewed pace. You chance a glance at him, watching as he carefully folds your clothes, preparing to move you into his home. A sense of intense content spreads through your chest, a feeling you hadn’t felt before consuming you. You start to realize that, despite the fact you’re losing the building you had lived in, you were gaining something much more important. Because with Frankie, you know you’ll always feel at home.

[cecilereads]

25 sapphic books + summary <3

1. She Gets the Girl - Rachael Lippincott and Alyson Derrick

Alex and Molly don’t belong on the same planet, let alone the same college campus. But when Alex, fresh off a bad (but hopefully not permanent) breakup, discovers Molly’s hidden crush as their paths cross the night before classes start, they realize they might have a common interest after all.

2. Last Night at the Telegraph Club - Malinda Lo

Lily comes across an ad for the titular Telegraph Club in the newspaper and then discovers that one of her classmates, Kath, has been to the nightclub

3. The Priory of the Orange Tree - Samantha Shannon

Queen Sabran the Ninth's power in Inys is tenuous; she has yet to produce an heir to the throne and the Nameless One threatens to awaken again. Ead Duryan is an outsider from the South who acts as a lady-in-waiting and protector to Sabran, but is loyal to the secret mage society of the Priory, which has its own view of the history of Cleolind, the Mother, and Sir Galian, the Deceiver. Meanwhile, Lord Arteloth Beck, close friend of Sabran, is banished from Inys on a futile quest by those who seek to weaken the queen.

4. The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo - Taylor Jenkins Reid

An old Hollywood actor Evelyn Hugo is determined to secure an A-List spot in the industry by doing whatever it takes to get there. While attempting to complete her rise to stardom, she marries seven husbands and outlives them all.

5. This is How You Lose The Time War - Max Gladstone

Red and Blue are change agents who work for rival time traveling agencies–Blue for the Garden, a vast organic consciousness. Red works for the Agency, a Technotopia. While traveling to different “strands” of history and time to change history, they start to write each other letters…

6. I Kissed Shara Wheeler - Casey McQuiston

High school senior Chloe Green seeks to uncover why Shara Wheeler, the most popular girl in school, vanished on prom night soon after kissing Chloe.

7. We Are Okay - Nina Lacour

Marin lost her mother when she was 3 in a surfing accident. Her grandfather raised her and she grew up near that same beach in San Francisco. After her grandfather dies, Marin leaves for New York without talking to anyone or retrieving any of their possessions from their house. For months, she refuses to respond to or contact anyone from California. When Mabel comes for a visit after 4 months of silence, it’s time for them to reconnect with each other again.

8. One Last Stop - Casey McQuiston

For cynical twenty-three-year-old August, moving to New York City is supposed to prove her right: that things like magic and cinematic love stories don’t exist, and the only smart way to go through life is alone. She can’t imagine how waiting tables at a 24-hour pancake diner and moving in with too many weird roommates could possibly change that. And there’s certainly no chance of her subway commute being anything more than a daily trudge through boredom and electrical failures. But then, there’s this gorgeous girl on the train.

9. The Falling in Love Montage - Ciara Smyth

A chance encounter at an end-of-term house party will change Saoirse's life in more ways than she could have ever imagined.

10. She Who Became the Sun - Shelley Parker-Chan

Desperate to escape her own fated death, the girl uses her brother's identity to enter a monastery as a young male novice. There, propelled by her burning desire to survive, Zhu learns she is capable of doing whatever it takes, no matter how callous, to stay hidden from her fate.

11. Cinderella is Dead - Kalynn Bayron

Set in the town Mersailles, where every girl lives in fear of the day she is chosen by the King to attend the ball, it follows a girl who is determined to destroy the cruel rules she's been forced to follow called Sophia.

12. This Poison Heart - Kalynn Bayron

A teenager explores her magical connections to greenery and gods. Briseis Greene is a Black high schooler with magical powers that she hides from most people save her adoptive mothers, Thandie and Angie. She has an innate connection to plants and is even able to grow them from seeds using just her mind and hands.

13. Everything Leads to You - Nina Lacour

Finding an old letter written by a recently deceased movie star, Emi and Charlotte become swept up in the mystery of his life. The letter leads them to Ava, who lives in a shelter for teens. Emi is drawn to this talented and beautiful girl who could help Emi get over her ex-girlfriend and first true love.

14. Late to the Party - Kelly Quindlen

A girl who can capture someone's essence in a painting struggles with finding her own. Atlanta senior Codi and her friends, Maritza and JaKory, are restless and feel like they've missed out on the full teenage experience—living boldly and taking risks.

15. She Drives Me Crazy - Kelly Quindlen

After an embarrassing loss to her ex-girlfriend in their first basketball game of the season, seventeen-year-old Scottie Zajac gets into a fender bender with the worst possible person: her nemesis, Irene Abraham, head cheerleader for the Fighting Reindeer.

16. Something To Talk About - Meryl Wilsner

A showrunner and her assistant give the world something to talk about when they accidentally fuel a ridiculous rumor in this debut romance. Hollywood powerhouse Jo is photographed making her assistant Emma laugh on the red carpet, and just like that, the tabloids declare them a couple.

17. Who I Was With Her - Nita Tynda

17-year old Corinne her girlfriend, Maggie, suddenly dies in a car accident. But because both girls were still in the closet, nobody knew that they were in a relationship. We follow Corinne as she tries to deal with this loss while nobody knows what Maggie meant to her.

18. Sweet and Bitter Magic - Adrienne Tooley

A witch cursed to never love meets a girl hiding her own dangerous magic, and the two strike a dangerous bargain to save their queendom.

19. Crier’s War - Nina Varela

Ayla is a human servant of the Automae—a race of artificial humans that have become the ruling class. After her family is murdered by Automae, Ayla plans to kill the sovereign's daughter, Lady Crier.

20. Malice - Heather Walter

Alyce is a Grace, a group of magical girls who create potions and charms for all paying customers of the kingdom. But she is not like the other Graces. They call her the Dark Grace and she is feared for her dark magic. Princess Aurora is kind, gracious, and pure, and she is destined to be the future queen of Briar. When Alyce and Aurora meet, the unlikeliest of relationships begins to flourish.

21. Written in The Stars - Alexandria Bellefleur

After a disastrous blind date, Darcy Lowell is desperate to stop her well-meaning brother from playing matchmaker ever again. Love—and the inevitable heartbreak—is the last thing she wants. So she fibs and says her latest set up was a success. Darcy doesn’t expect her lie to bite her in the ass…

22. Mistakes Were Made - Meryl Wilsner

Cassie Klein and Erin Bennett meet at a bar and have a casual one-night stand. It's fine until the next morning when Cassie goes to breakfast with her best friend, Parker, only to realize they're meeting Parker's mom, Erin, the same Erin from the previous night.

23. Just Might Work - Katia Rose

As a self-proclaimed ‘cosmically guided matchmaker,’ she’s played every card in the deck trying to set Dane up with the perfect match she’s found. The problem? The ‘perfect’ match is Evangeline Hudson. Dane and Evangeline rent rooms in Dane’s eccentric aunt’s house, but that’s where their similarities end. Dane is a drifter who freewheels from one odd job to the next, and Evangeline is an overachieving undergrad with a ten year plan so detailed it reads like an autobiography.

24. Some Girls Do - Jennifer Dugan

Morgan, an elite track athlete, is forced to transfer high schools late in her senior year after it turns out being queer is against her private Catholic school's code of conduct. There, she meets Ruby, who has two hobbies: tinkering with her baby blue 1970 Ford Torino and competing in local beauty pageants, the latter to live out the dreams of her overbearing mother.

25. Read Between The Lines - Rachel Lacey

Rosie Taft is living her best life. She owns and operates her late mother’s independent bookstore in New York. Books are her life, and one of her true joys is finding just the right book for each of her patrons. She’s created quite a little community revolving around book clubs and author signings. The only thing missing from her life is a partner who will sweep her off her feet like the ones in the romance novels she loves reading.

[hatsunevitu]

very anonymously requesting benrietta

BENRIETTA MY BELOVED. literally one of my absolutely fav wlw in the whole sp.

• okay, this is a “mutual jealousy” type of relationship. while henrietta believes that everything is so easy for bebe, considering she’s admittedly pretty, smart and popular, and people will like her no matter what she does, bebe actually is envious of how henrietta can just not give a single shit about what others think of her, and she can allow herself to express her individuality.

• they both think the other lives better until they finally talk – pretty passively aggressive at first, i must say – and slowly realise that both of their lives aren’t so good and easy after all. like, bebe can’t just think of herself as something more than just a pretty girl, and most boys she’s dated didn’t really care about her personality. she has to always be beautiful and smiling or else she’ll lose her value. at the same time henrietta is often called a freak, she hears gossips behind her back, she knows her family is disappointed in her – and it all hurts, no matter how hard she tries to hide it. hell, even being a goth requires fitting into special “norms”, so she can’t just express herself as much as she’d like to. and when they finally talk about it, it feels like they found a goddamn soulmate, because mo one else ever was so sympathetic with them.

• bebe has pretty strict parents who care a lot about their reputation, and one day she gets so sick of their endless nagging about her appearance and grades and college and other stuff, that she tells about it to henrietta. the goth girl shrugs and suggests her to run away, and bebe can’t believe it the first second. eventually she agrees, and they take henrietta’s mom’s car and just… drive away from south park for a day or too, and bebe for the first time in her life feels free.

• their first kiss was pretty random. it was in the car, bebe was watching henrietta smoking and then she casually said that she always wondered how it feels to kiss a boy who smokes. henrietta remains silent, letting out smoke, then looks at bebe in surprise and bends down, softly kissing her. when she finishes she says “Yeah, I’m not a boy, but I don’t think it matters so much. So how does it feel?” and bebe just sits there absolutely shocked and that’s the first time she realises she might have had feelings for henrietta this whole time.

• also now imagine black is not henrietta’s natural hair color, and bebe spends two hours, dyeing her hair. <3

• and finally a little addition about my fav close brosist4 for them – bebe+henrietta+stan+tweek. i won’t elaborate but they are friendship goals.

[vigilskeep]

rambled to my sister for an hour about bg3 and she called mindflayers literally traumatizing and that she might not even know if her thoughts would be her own :) so wanted to know what your characters think about them <3

i think it’s most, ah, brutalising to the sense of self of poor tavlaani. lae’zel’s i am githyanki, i will not be ghaik! comes to mind. they’re opposing identities. it’s not only that you’re terrified of becoming the latter, but that if you do, you lose the former, which you’ve been raised to believe is your entire purpose and identity

laani’s training makes her more aware of the horrors than any non githyanki tavs could be. there’s multiple times when they talk about having the symptoms of the tadpole drilled into you as a kid, and it obviously looms large in lae’zel’s memory, which is endearing with her gesturing but also just horrific, can you imagine the nightmares. and even though obviously if the transformation were following that assigned path, that would not be what you might call ideal, it’s still scary that the weird nature of this tadpole means you can’t even have what you’ve been taught all your life to guide you

tavlaani has also been living with her terror of losing her githyanki identity for a long time, because her nature as a druid, her worship of tymora, and her love of toril give her quiet divided loyalties she certainly should not have, so that in particular is not as freshly terrifying to her as it is to someone as dedicated as lae’zel, but it’s definitely Another Even Worse Fucking Thing, and makes that fate loom larger and seem more inevitable. but the idea of a lack of control really frightens her. at least the other stuff is her choice, and she’s a very self-reliant person with a wisdom score that can handle it. the tadpole related instincts are quite scary for someone who’s accustomed to depending on herself. i do not think she will react well at all at least initially to the dream visitor. her head is the only thing that’s ever been her own and she can’t even keep that