#I’ve seen a lot and there’s soooo many details that are just WRONG.

[mycological-mariner]

I’m so mad I just watched the first episode of Hornblower. Only now! After finishing my dissertation! When my dissertation topic was literally the portrayal of epilepsy in film and television

[delightfuldevin]

Been seein some rather cold takes about Daisy lately…

I’ve seen some people say that she has no personality outside of fanon, but that’s just not true. There is a very very common misconception among the fandom (at least that I’ve noticed) that if a character doesn’t appear in a “mainline” game, then they have no personality. But I’d argue that the spinoffs actually offer waaaaay more in terms of looking into character personalities. And no, I’m not talking about the RPGs ala M&L and Paper Mario as those are obviously full of personality (and Daisy isn’t in those). I’m talking about the Party, Kart, Tennis, and other sports games.

Yes, Daisy hasn’t appeared in any mainline game since her debut, but she’s been in nearly every sports game and her traits, stats, abilities, victory/loss animations, and various other tiny details add up to her personality. The fact that she’s nearly always yelling or just speaking really loud in general (noticeably more than any other character), the fact that she constantly feels a need to say her name and make herself known, how she loves flowers and considers even a small patch of flowers worth protecting, how she’s easily bored by tasks that don’t excite her and isn’t so reliable for them. She tends to jump around a lot, and spin and dance around when she’s excited! She’s apparently a rather fast runner and that is considered her specialty! These are all traits that are displayed in the spinoffs, and there’s probably soooo many more that I just can’t remember right now.

Now, I do think her tomboyish nature is probably fanon, as I don’t really remember seeing anything to show that she acts that way in the games. I think people probably think she’s tomboyish due to how loud and energetic she is. But hey, there’s plenty of fanon for just about any character from any fandom out there. And what’s so wrong with that? Isn’t the whole point of making fanworks to expand on the framework already provided by canon? If we want to stick to what’s actually “canon” then nearly everything the fandom has created would have to be tossed, because there really isn’t much to work with. Fanworks and fandoms thrive on what fans can create based on the canon work, not just sticking to it perfectly.

It’s fine if you think the “fanon” Daisy outshines the “canon” Daisy and you dislike that. But to say that she has no personality aside from fanon interpretations just tells me that you have a very narrow idea of what counts as “canon” in an already rather simplistic world. The Mario games are very simple and straightforward without much consistent lore that actually makes sense cohesively, but the characters are what keep everything tied together despite that. The characters are nearly always consistent, and that includes Daisy. Even when the setting is completely different and some random new villain shows up with some random new power source to steal or species to torment, our same well-known lovable characters will be the center of the story and that’s what makes it fun!

[waywardstation]

What’s your opinion about the final episode of Hisuian Snow? (Have you also seen the artworks seen in the Japanese/Korean ending? They’re soooo cool and beautiful!!)

The final episode reminded me how much I appreciate and enjoyed Cyllene in the game! I was verrry suspicious of her at first but once she showed how caring she actually is beneath the cool exterior I felt bad for ever doubting her.

Also Ingo 🤝 Cyllene having some to a lot of parental feelings towards protag.

ngl I would be so happy to have her show up in a fic at some point as well. Showing her strict but still caring side to Akari and maybe Ingo and Cyllene interacting… but don’t mind me.

I LOVED the final episode of Hisuian Snow!!

Review below!

It checked off a lot of things I predicted and hoped to see!

Alec going to the space time rifts

Zorua (now a Zoroark) saving him from the alpha Garchomp

Zoroark keeping Alec’s mask and returning it (even though I wanted to see this, I didn’t expect this to happen at all. I’m glad it did!)

AND PLA CHARACTER APPEARANCES!!

Look as a Zisu enjoyer I was LIVING; I was so happy to see her appearing in so many scenes!! I really do love Zisu so it made my day!! And CYLLENE! I loved her in this episode, the VA they got for her was perfect!

And of course Cyllene holding her future-companion abra!! So cute!!

The whole episode was fantastically done.

The visuals were stunning as well, and I expected nothing less seeing as how beautiful the first two episodes were. That fight between the Alpha Garchomp and the Ambomasnow parents was one of my favorite segments from the whole series. The animation was so high-quality and detailed! I would not be surprised if they rotoscoped over an animated cgi model for the Garchomp. Lovely work, it made for a terrifying monster.

Seeing Cyllene show such care for Alec was great; no wonder she became the captain! Loved seeing her leadership skills in this short. Haha your comparison with Ingo is my favorite Anon.

Overall, I appreciated the ending. Alec’s relationship with his father has strengthened in many ways, and the future of Jubilife is obviously bright.

And I loved the shiny hisuian handful fox mask that Alec’s father made for him at the end, I’ve already redeemed it in my copy of PLA! I don’t wear the masks but they are very pretty.

The short made me question the timeline a little bit more though. Jubilife is only two years old, and Cyllene does not seem to be captain yet, so it’s just at the beginning it seems, before the PLA protag even comes. I was wrong about that!

But the artwork in the credits show Irida and Adaman younger. Adaman seems to be even younger than Irida, so perhaps these are from different times, and are just personal snapshots of them.

But yes, as I’ve already seemed to answer, I have seen the credits artworks!! They’re all so sweet!! Laventon and Cyllene’s are my favorite!

I do wish we saw more of the wardens. I was really hoping to see something more about Ingo’s predicament haha. But we got an image of Palina and Mai!

Overall, fantastic episode, fantastic series. Loved every second of it and I will be rewatching it a lot!!

[mettywiththenotes]

320 bits I wanna talk about

Iieda looks like he’s doing the *inhale* before the BOI IF YOU DON’T- meme. Something along the lines of “BOI IF YOU DON’T GET YOUR ASS BACK TO UA-” kind of thing lol.

He holding something in definitely. Maybe charging up for an attack? Idk but he sure seems concentrated

Actually, Iieda seems kinda considering. Maybe he’s weighing up if he should join in the fight, as if he’s asking “Will I have to fight Midoriya, if it comes down to it? Or can the others handle this?” Something tells me he doesn’t want to have to weigh in on the fight. Maybe tear into Izuku verbally, but fight? No I don’t think he wants to do that

But also, I find it interesting that that black panel of text is under him and then it cuts to Bakugou yelling at Izuku. I mean, it could very well be Bakugou thinking that, but if that’s so, then why is Iieda the first person we see?

So, I think it’s Iieda thinking that. Tensions are rising, it seems. I’m expecting his turn to be full of a lot of emotion, or at least trying to get across to Izuku that he feels betrayed but mostly just wants Izuku to come back home.

I don’t really know what’ll happen with Iieda exactly, but I’m totally interested to see what happens

I know Bakugou has problems with his emotions and words and stuff, but I also think here he’s trying to anger Izuku in order to get him to fight back, maybe so he’s more angry than flexible in a fight, so the end result would be Izuku getting too angry to predict anything and eventually tripping up, and that’s when 1A could capture him.

The one thing to remember about Izuku is that allowing him to think is going to be the opponent’s downfall. We saw in the Kacchan VS Deku 2 fight that Bakugou knew this and so kept attacking as much as possible so Izuku wouldn’t have time to think. Which worked, because Izuku is great at analysis, so making his “Win” attitude [getting competitive therefore putting more energy into attacking than strategy] come out over his “Save” attitude [you’re my friend and I want to help you] is kind of a weakness of his. That’s kind of one of the reasons he lost that fight.

Then again, maybe Izuku has improved since then? I don’t really know but I think enough time has passed for him to have maybe improved more on that so idk we’ll see

I really love Bakugou’s expression in that bottom screencap lol

His wound!! All bandaged up!! I wonder if there’s a scar there or smthg :O

LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I know Enji or Bakugou probably gave them details about the multiple quirks but I still find it wild that everyone just knows now

KOUDA! MY SWEETHEART! I’m glad he’s getting a part in this too, along with Sero. Two of them who didn’t really hang around Izuku but still want him to come back :’)

Sero and Black Whip! Finally! I mean it’s not much but it’s still better than nothing

Also, seems like Sero is trying to taunt Izuku to get him to attack him maybe [same as Bakugou feeding into Izuku’s competitive side] soooo idk Sero following Bakugou’s lead? Maybe :)

Look at how,,,, innocent Izuku looks,,,,, *head in hands* AND SERO TEACHING HIM!!

I knew this lil moment would come bite me in the ass at some point, I knew and yet I’m still tearing up goddamn

That “I thought she was going to tell me its a useless hobby” bit really drives home how Izuku’s friends are 1A, that he loves them and they were the only friends he’s ever had [except Bakugou but he was a bully at the time so I’m not really gonna count him for back then]. HOW many people before UA had gone around and told Izuku his taking notes hobby was useless? SHOW me the people!

I, mettywiththenotes, will NOT allow anybody to slander one of my own!

I know it’s like the only moment Izuku and Ojiro shared, with the sports festival thing, but it’s still really sweet that Ojiro sees that Izuku stood up for him

*head in hands*

Shouldn’t this kid be more worried that he’s likely going to get kidnapped?

“Yeah this super evil villain guy has decided he wants to kidnap me and take me away, but like nbd guys really, that’s why I left in the first place! So I wouldn’t be a burden!” Somebody get this kid a fucking therapist or some shit

This is kind of a chilling and pretty scene though. The rain falling above Izuku and him looking down with these piercing green eyes likely being the only light between them. Good stuff.

Satou! Aha I like how he’s pulling all the stops, such as “I WON’T LET YOU BORROW MY INGREDIENTS FOR ERI!”

Also let’s appreciate that Satou caught Ojiro and Jirou and managed to land on a freaking traffic light. The balance on this kid! Very well done

Kaminari putting Izuku in a headlock! How cute :)

Be cuter if they weren’t trying to subdue a martyr-complex cryptid from killing himself, but still

Does Shouji have some kind of support-item?? Or could he always do the stretchy thing?? Or I guess maybe he’s just stretching his arms out like branches [like he usually does] and using them as more like a capture weapon rather than his usual stuff. I don’t think we’ve ever seen him use his heteromorph body and quirk for anything other than the 5 senses, though I could be wrong

Also Shouji remembering what Izuku said at the training camp, I’m so glad! Shouji always seems like the kind to be so protective over his friends, so I’m glad he remembered that. Then again, Izuku did compare them to freaking ALL MIGHT, but if the nice analytical kid in your class who knows your limits and strengths says you could basically beat A GOD, then that’s definitely one for the memory scrapbook lmao

“It’s nice and dark here, Dark Shadow.” Who said that?? Kami or Izuku?? I just have this mental image of Izuku being shrouded in darkness and trying to keep his eyes open from falling asleep haha

Tokoyami remembering that from all the way back then!! It makes me think that not only have Bakugou and Izuku been watching each other, but that Izuku has always had everybody’s eyes on him! Which is true, he’s inspired everyone! It goes both ways; Izuku loving his friends, and them loving him back :’)

Kami telling him to take a bath lmao I love it. Finally somebody said it

*ugly sobbing noises*

This kind of segment, with a mask falling, a space in-between and a reveal, reminds me of Compress’ reveal :) In that, the person is hiding their identity and then when the mask comes off, they reveal who they truly are underneath

While Izuku is of course determined to go after AFO and is quite the fearsome powerhouse, I really think when he takes off that mask, he’s showing who he really is underneath - a scared little boy who just wants everyone to be happy

JESUS, SHOUTO REALLY IMPROVED HIS QUIRK HUH!! LOOK AT IT, IT’S EVEN HIGHER THAN THE SKYSCRAPERS!!

“The burden placed on you... it doesn’t allow for tears, right?” He sounds so sassy here.

Kind of like saying “Oh you look upset. But that’s weird, I thought Heroes weren’t supposed to cry.” Lol it really shows here how pissed Shouto is at Izuku

But then he relents from that snark and is like “Hey, come on, we’ll share this burden. I’m not letting you go it alone, remember that we’re all here.” :’)

I love when Shouto is sassy and passive aggressive but I also love it when he shows that soft side of him

Okay, this is something I really love.

Tsuyu didn’t join the Bakugou Rescue Squad because “they would be just like Villains breaking the rules”

But here she is, learning from that regret of hers and coming right back to make sure Izuku isn’t the one struggling. She wants to be a part of this rescue squad and pick up where she left off :)

Tsuyu has always struggled with her regrets. It was shown after Kamino when she cried, but for me, I only realised this fully during the Joint Arc when she had her regrets about not making better decisions and not being quick enough [I think that was it].

“I won’t cry in such a flurry” reminds me of “I want to live a life without regret” and so that’s what she’s saying here. This won’t be another regret of hers. She wants to do her best to save her friend

“When scared, you’re allowed to tremble when it’s tough, you’re allowed to shed tears. That’s how you become a Hero like in the comics.”

I feel like that quote piggybacks off of Shouto’s “Heroes cry too”, in that, this is now 1A comforting Izuku. This is them fully coming up to him and telling him that they can help, and that he’s allowed to feel sad about his situation. Shouto’s quote was the teaser, while this entire chapter [and the rest that come to follow] is the main course.

And this is exactly who Tsuyu is. Reassuring, comforting, someone dependable. It says a lot that she’s come from not going to help in Kamino, confessing her feelings and crying about it, then coming back in a similar situation and offering her help - that she’s not willing to just let an opportunity go to better herself. I think I remember reading a few posts on her crying after Kamino and saying it was “performative” or that she just “wanted attention” or smthg like that, but I think she’s really just quite an honest person, and here she is making a great show of how she won’t let something like her guilt slow her down from being the hero she wants to be.

[A part of me feels like this is also a little more evidence with the whole People Not Caring About Bakugou’s Feelings Of Helplessness but like. I digress. It kinda counts but at the same time, it’s not what is going on at the moment.]

Seeing everyone try to reassure Izuku was lovely, and I can’t wait for the rest. I’ve seen a lot of people waiting more for Bakugou’s portion of the battle [AND YEAH DUDE ME TOO] but I really feel like Bakugou’s won’t come until like 2 chapters later or something.

Cause, if this chapter is anything to go by, we’ll probably get through Mina, Mineta, Kirishima, Hagakure and Aoyama next chapter, and then we’ll move onto the “more important” conflicts which will be Iieda and Uraraka, and if their segments are chocked with tension drama and tears, then Bakugou will have a whole chapter to himself hopefully.

Which means we’ll probably have to wait 2 more chapters until we get that sweet, sweet Bakugou chapter :( I hope I’m wrong and it comes sooner than predicted but whatever

I know for some people, that’s all they want, but personally I love these little bits that reflect on the background characters. As someone who isn’t really obsessed with the background characters but also likes them enough to appreciate their development/the little moments they have, I gotta say I really liked this :)

[captawesomesauce]

Thoughts at 940am....

I’ve been reading a lot lately... Basically a book a day/night

Which means I’m 100% back on my bullshit!

I’ve read some really interesting books, some really good books, and some books that are so fucking awful - they just make me angry that anyone wasted their time making these books, and I wasted my time reading them!!!!

An example of a bad book - Jeff Shaara’s To Wake The Giant.... it’s god fucking awful and should be on everyones skip pile! Yes I’m aware it has like 3-gazillion 5 star reviews on goodreads/amazon, but it's bullshit. The whole book is a piece of shit, and let me explain why! If you've ever watched a movie about Pearl Harbor, you've read this book.. but in a much better way. If you've ever read a book about Pearl Harbor... you've read a much better version of this book. If you've ever seen anyone in a Navy uniform, you already know more than dear ol' Jeff about the Navy! He basically cuts/pastes the story of Yamamoto and his admirals, his lover, and how the battle was prepared. He cuts/pastes the story of Sec. of State Hull in as well. He then creates an all new character Biggs who joins the navy in 1940. And in the most infuriating way, he'll randomly add in peripheral characters like Rochefort and a Japanese spy just because he read a book about them and decided "oh, i guess I better include them too" even if it does nothing to further the story. And that's the problem, he doesn't have a story... he is trying to tell the fictionalized non-fiction narrative of the attack, but humanize it... and fails because it's been done SOOO many times before, and he doesn't add anything new to it, and does it poorly. How poorly? He gets soooo much wrong!!!! Dates and details of the history are just glaringly wrong... but you know what's worse?? His one single new-addition to the storyline... is so fucked up.. it should be cut out completely. He did 0 research into what being in the Navy is like, what uniforms they wear and when, where they sleep and who they interact with, and just ... everything. They're not wearing their whites in December, Petty Officers are not called SIR!! after every sentence (they're enlisted men, equivalent to corporals and sergeants in other services), people who work in the sick bay don't swab the deck and paint the side of the ship, so on and so forth. But the worst part??? He spends 90% of the book leading up to the attack .. and then.. fails in his telling of it. It's over in a few pages... no real description of the valiant pilots who managed to get airborne, no talk about... anything. It happens, it's over, and then we're left with the final 8% of the book talking about Biggs recovering from injury and falling in love with a nurse who eventually leaves him blah blah blah. By that point, you're just done with it all. 

On the other hand, I've read some really good books too. I'm gonna lump these two unrelated series together because they should be: Michael Pearce writes the "A Dead Man in..." series and James R. Benn writes the Billy Boyle in WWII series. Both are historical murder mysteries with a twist. Pearce writes about a detective with Scotland Yard who is assigned to the Foreign Office to investigate murders in other countries pre-WWI, right as things are heating up and the world is changing. You get a really good insight into Italy, Spain, Greece, North Africa, and the Ottoman/Muslim world.. all while trying to figure out whodunit! Benn on the other hand writes about Billy Boyle, a Boston PD detective who is assigned to Eisenhowers staff right before the North Africa invasion and is charged with solving murder mysteries and other things for General Ike throughout the war. I've read a handful so far, and he's taken part in Operation Torch and Husky, been to Ireland and Norway. Both are really well written, both give an incredible insight into the people, the history, and the time... and most importantly both are very story driven and have a story to tell!!! I really recommend the Billy Boyle book that confronts the Katyn massacre as it relates so much to what is happening today in Bucha, including how Russia attempts to cover these things up.

Another bad book was James Brady's "The Marines of Autumn" ... I had REALLY high hopes for this book, but nope... nope nope nope. It has nothing to say, nothing to offer, and it's a lifetime movie of the week version of the Korean War. And that sucks because there really are no fictional books about the Korean war beyond the Chosin Reservoir battle. It's just straight up schlock... 90% of the book is just him wishing he was home with his kid, how the military fucked him over taking him away from his kid, him missing his amazing wife with who he had that kid, but then she died having another kid, so he just wants to be with the one kid that isn't dead, and how he's still mad at the one dead kid who killed his wife, leaving him with the one kid who is alive..... and then spoiler alert... he dies at the very last possible second and never gets home to that kid. Oh and there's a little bit of the Korean war added for flavor... but just a little bit... very little... not even enough to comment on. 

What I just finished last night was a book written in 1958 by Douglas Reeman. He served in the Royal Navy in WWII and Korea, and also was a cop in East End with the Met. He wrote a beloved series under the name Alexander Kent about napolenic navy stuff, but I wanted to start with his WWII stuff. The first book, A Prayer for the Ship is a really good tale about the Coastal Force and motor-torpedo boats in the channel. You can tell he served, he gets the details and attitude of the characters right, as well as the history! It's a good story that tells what it sets out to - a story about the people caught up in the event. 

And that's what makes a good book to be honest... if you want to tell the story of the event, don't use a character driven fiction format unless you have the time/want/ability to flesh out the characters! Write a god damn non fiction book if you can't craft a story! If all you're doing is TELLING people stuff, vs letting them experience it through a unique perspective, then don't bother with fiction at all. I had the same complaint with P.T Deutermanns book Pacific Glory, which was another recent miss. 

Oh well, at least I have some great stuff to read going through more of the Billy Boyle books (I think I'm on #7 now of 17) and the 20 or so Reeman books, as well as his Bolitho ones!

So many books.... so little time.... 

[lovingmyselfcore]

Chapter One

Skate Into My Heart -- Solangelo AU

It’s finally here!

In the prologue I said that sectionals came first- I’m sorry part of the internet lied to me. Regionals is first so that’s what’ll be happening here

Bryce was barreling towards him.

Clarisse attempted to take the puck and stop Bryce but today he was chock full of red-hot anger and elbowed her out of his way, swiping at her ankles with his stick.

She barely managed to skate out of his way and yelled, “Lawrence! What’s the matter with you!” 

It seemed to go in one ear and out the other.

He kept the puck close to him, keeping every other player away from him.

And he just kept his course straight to the goal. Straight to Will.

It was a practice game. Didn’t he know that? What was he doing? This wasn’t a big deal.

Bryce was still skating when he shot. It seemed like it was in slow-motion. The puck soared through the air, rising off the ice.

Will dove to block it from entering the goal - which was the wrong move. It hit him square in his chest, with enough force to make Will abruptly lose his breath.

Bryce came to a halt in front of him, spraying Will with ice shards.

“Lawrence, it seemed like that had quite the pent up aggression,” Connor said, while Will caught his breath.

Bryce rolled his eyes, taking off his helmet. “Just cause Solace and the rest of you are weak pussies.”

“Pussies’?” Travis came up behind Connor. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Clarisse only snarled her agreement.

“Guys,” Jason said. “Come on, it’s just Bryce being Bryce.”

Bryce turned to face Jason. “What is that supposed to mean, Grace.”

Jason crossed his arms, his eyes flashing. 

“Why was that the term you picked?” Clarisse asked, her voice low. Dangerous.

“This isn’t helping anything.” Will cut in. “Let’s just leave it. He’ll learn his lesson eventually. Someone will teach him.”

Jason seemed to steel himself, “Yeah. Let’s not fight.”

“Why?” Bryce taunted. “Are you both gay or something?” Will felt his hand twitch, almost curling itself into a fist. Surveying the team, everybody seemed to be holding themselves back.

Will was saved from answering Bryce’s (admittedly, most likely rhetorical, though it was doubtful he knew what that word meant) when he heard someone yell, “Will!”

It was Kayla standing at the edge of the rink. He skated over to her and came to a stop in front of her.

He jumped up to sit on the thick barrier and pull his skates off. “What?” He looked over to see Kayla looking at him with her arms crossed over her chest.

“I’ve been trying to get your attention for ages now. Your mom keeps calling your phone.”

Will went quiet, holding back a curse.

Kayla looked at him sympathetically despite him not saying anything.

“Alright. Thanks.” She patted him on the shoulder as he wove around her.

“Hey, mom,”

“William. Why haven’t you answered me?”

“I’ve been practicing, mom.”

“Practicing for anything in particular?” Her voice was high - too high - he knew this always meant she expected an answer he couldn’t give her.

“Hockey, mom.”

She sighed sadly and he got defensive.

“You know I’m only playing to try and somehow help me get through med school.”

“I know, honey. But still, it’s such a brutish sport, and locker rooms,” He could feel her shudder through the phone. “All the men.”

Will knew better than to probe about what that meant.

It would be easier to get through med school if you let me ask - or even talk - to dad. You and I both know he’d be willing. It is Medical School.

He didn’t say that though, it would only piss her off or make her sad and it just wouldn’t be a good situation. 

After an awkward silence, he saw Jason poke his head into the narrow corridor Will was in. Jason made some frantic, but quiet (ever polite) hand motions.

Will didn’t know if he should be feeling such intense relief, considering Jason’s face was pretty panicked.

“Mom, I’ve got to know. They need me.”

“Okay,” She said hesitantly. “Make sure to study tonight. You’ve got to keep everything fresh. Always.”

He wasn’t even in school yet. (He was trying though). And she wanted him to know everything.

Will didn’t know what he hated more. His mother’s expectations, or Bryce Lawerence. Really, it was a difficult choice.

She hung up before he could say anything.

He jogged over to where Jason was. “C’mon,” Jason said.

While they were walking Jason kept glancing at Will with a concerned expression. “What,” Will said finally, lips quirking into a smile.

“You alright, man? Your facial expressions during that call didn’t seem great.”

Will shrugged dismissively, “Just my mom. You know how that is.”

Jason laughed darkly, “Don’t I.”

“So what’s up,” Will asked, remembering how frantic he’d been.

“Oh, yeah. Um.”

Will grinned, “Spit it out, Grace. I’m a big boy. I can take it.”

Jason snorted. “I need someone to come with me to the figure skating Regionals tonight.”

Will tripped over his own feet but caught himself before he hit the ground.

Jason looked at him with brief worry then just burst out laughing.

“Leave me alone,” But Will was laughing too. “Why?”

“So you know, my sister Thalia,” Will nodded - everybody knew Thalia - “She’s best friends with this woman, Annabeth Chase. They’ve known each other since Annabeth was seven. Old history ya know.”

“So Annabeth’s a skater. She was going to be competing actually. But something awful happened with her boyfriend, he’s across the country. I’m unsure about the details. Thalia left to meet them earlier today, she’s also close with the boyfriend, I guess. So Thals needs me to go because apparently these tickets cost a lot and she doesn’t want them to go to waste.”

Jason’s voice got low like he was sharing a conspiracy nobody knew. “A little secret about me, I appreciate figure skaters.”

Will let out a surprised laugh and made his voice as low as Jason’s, “Me too.”

Jason smiled, “I figured. Which is why I’m inviting you. Thalia had two. One for her, and one for Grover Underwood.”

Will hummed his acknowledgment. “Yeah, dude. Of course, I’ll come. Just tell me time and place.”

Jason pumped his fist in the air.

~~~~~

Jason had told him he would pick him up, so here Will was. Waiting for Jason to arrive. He’d dressed nice (but not too nice) it was a competition after all, and despite how much he’d deny it his mother’s lessons in etiquette had stuck.

Will was texting, sitting on the couch up against the window in his small apartment. He was letting the dying sunlight filter in and light the space. The reds and oranges and yellows made Will look like some sort of deity. It haloed his hair and accentuated the sharp planes of his face. His feet were propped, knees bent, next to him. 

It was a groupchat with Austin, Kayla, and himself. The only way it could be summed up is: chaos.

Kayla: Sooooo

Austin: Yes?

Kayla: Not you

Austin: How dare you

Kayla: Go play your saxophone and feel better

Austin: I will

Austin: Not because you told me to

Kayla: Oh of course not

Will: So that ‘soooo’ was for me, then?

Kayla: Oh yeah

Kayla: Any cutes boys you’ve met recently?

Will: You know that you’d know if I met anybody

Austin: Is there anybody lgbt even at the rink

Will: Oh yeah but nobody I’ve noticed I like

Kayla: :(

Will was startled by a knock on the door. 

“It’s open!” He called, getting off the couch to meet Jason.

~~~ Nico

I slowly sank to a sitting position, feeling the rough brick scrape my back. I knew it would leave noticeable marks but right now, I couldn’t bring myself to care.

I had been stretching and messing around with the others but suddenly my chest had felt very tight.

Hazel had seen the pained expression on my face and made some excuse, letting me slip out the backdoor.

I couldn’t do this.

Saltwater. I tasted salt water.

I couldn’t.

It trickled down my neck.

I couldn’t.

I was so fucking weak.

For so, so many reasons.

I could feel the gradually growing serpent of my anxieties building in the back.

I hadn’t practiced for this enough, and I was going to let everyone down.

The judges were going to find out my most closely guarded secret and-

No. Forget the judges. Everyone was going to find out.

Everyone.

I was probably going to mess up and embarrass myself in one of the biggest competitions of my life.

I was going to let everyone down.

Again. 

I’d found a family and all because I was a fucking failure, I was going to lose them.

I knew I had enough cash in my bag to leave if I had to.

By bag I mean the one I always had:

A change of clothes

Cash for bus tickets

Bottled water and protein bars

A pocket knife.

But it wouldn’t be enough, would it?

I still wouldn’t be able to get away from the shame.

From any of the shame.

Why did I have to be this way? Why

I couldn’t breathe

I couldn’t fucking breathe.

The saltwater ran like a perverted caress down my face and neck and chest.

I shivered involuntarily

“Hey,” The voice was soft, and not familiar.

I turned so quickly half of my face scraped the wall.

We winced in sync.

It was the boy I’d seen in the rink some time ago, the hockey player.

~~~~

Will

“Hey, Jason?”

He looked at me.

We were being jostled through the crowd. There were so many people. So many.

“I need some air. Can you text me our seat numbers?”

He paused and looked at me. At how my eyes flitted around the room and my flinch every time someone ran into me.

“Yeah, of course, dude.” He made shooing motions with his hands, making me snort. He grinned but kept staring at me until I turned around and started pushing my way through the crowd.

I knew I couldn’t go outside the front door, there would be even more people there. So I did something scandalous.

I pushed open the door marked Employees Only and was ejected outside the back of the building. 

I was walking along the wall when I saw movement a few feet away.

It was a boy, pressing himself against the wall like it was simultaneously all that was keeping him alive and like he wanted to fade into it.

“Hey,” I murmured like I was attempting to talk down a tiger.

He turned, scraping his face along the wall. But he didn’t seem to feel it.

He looked like some kind of ghoul, sitting there. The bad lighting from the street lamps washed out his ivory skin, making him look deathly.

Those dark eyes peered at me.

He’d look terrifying, except he appeared too small for his body.

He was shivering, tears running freely down his face.

At the angle he was sitting, it looked like his bones were almost poking out of his skin.

Some sense in me was screaming to help him, and though he looked like the opposite type to accept my help he hadn’t run away either.

I looked him up and down and saw with panic he seemed to be holding his breath, but he didn’t seem to realize it.

I didn’t know who this boy was, besides seeing him occasionally at the rink.

But we were both here and like hell was I going to leave him.

~~~~

Nico

He was looking at me with a look of sympathy. Not pity. Sympathy.

He reached out but I flinched away from him and he let his hand drop.

“Can you breathe?” His voice was serious but caring. I couldn’t really see him, the water in my eyes distorted him but I felt like he was some kind of god. He looked like pure sunlight.

I only shook my head, suddenly feeling the urge to take large gulping breaths.

“Put your head between your knees.”

He didn’t reach for me again, but his fingers twitched like he wanted to.

The surrounding world was a dull roar in my ears. The serpent, who’d been ready to devour me whole, angrily shrank back into the recesses of my brain until I could only see those slit-pupiled eyes. It was only lying in wait. Like always. When I lifted my head, my scowl was back.

Despite the rivulets of saltwater- not tears, I couldn’t call them that - I snarled at him, “Leave me alone. I didn’t ask for your help.”

He raised his hands in surrender, “I’m sorry. I’m not going to tell anyone what happened here, so you don’t have to worry about that. Nico, right?”

I just growled again but he didn’t seem to take the hint. He had a small backpack next to him and he rummaged through it and handed me some tissues and a water bottle.

I raised my eyebrows.

“I figured you wouldn’t want to cross through to go to the bathroom.”

I grudgingly accepted and started wiping at my face after dampening the tissues. He pulled out a small tube of ointment. “Put it on your face, okay? The scrape is not that bad. But it can’t hurt.”

I just stared blankly at him and he laid it next to me with a smile.

He waved, a little awkwardly, as he walked away.

As I stared at the ointment and the tissues and water I could only come up with one coherent thought:

What the fuck

~~~~ Will

His phone pinged with a message from Jason. After a few seconds of searching, he found it in his small backpack. He distractedly glanced over the text.

Jason: We’re in row A, seats 5 and 6. Thalia got us right up front.

Will: Sounds good

Will: I’ll head there now

He slipped his phone back into his bag.

He really hoped Nico was okay. He was a figure skater and most likely is competing tonight, and Will had never seen him in action but he was almost positive they would need him.

“Hey!” Jason waved to him from their seats and Will slid in next to him.

“You okay?” Jason asked after Will got settled. “You looked pretty uncomfortable.”

“Hmm? Oh. Yeah, I’m okay. I’m not normally like that but something about that environment.” He shuddered. “Anyway, everything’s good now.”

Jason nodded with a smile.

Will surveyed the rink. It was nicer than their rinks back at the studio which was saying something.

He spotted the judge's podium, on a small platform slightly above the rink. There were five judges, none of them looking like they entirely wanted to be here and all of them looking like they would throttle whoever came out.

Not only did the judges look unhappy, but about half of the crowd also did too. They were all shifting like they were here, but there was somewhere else they’d rather be. Why come then?

Will couldn’t imagine being one of the skaters in the locker rooms right now, he’d probably throw up.

“First up!” The booming voice of the announcer made Will jump slightly in his seat.

“The singles competition,” He drawled. “From Crescent City…”

Will tuned him out as he watched the woman glide out onto the ice. She was really good and kept most of the crowd entranced, but Will also had an eye on the judges. Only a few of them seemed impressed but only one seemed bored, which most likely was a good thing for her.

“From Olympus Ice,”

Jason and Will leaned forward at the same time.

“Nico Di Angelo!”

Will felt himself clapping as soon as his name was announced.

Nico seemed to magically appear on the ice, looking significantly more confident than the last time he’d seen him.

He appeared to take a deep breath and steel himself before beginning his routine. It was magic. Pure magic.

The way he flew made it look like he’d been born to do this.

It was elegant, but, in a way, suspenseful. Like he could do something unexpected at any moment.

Will was frozen, lips slightly parted as Nico made everyone believe he owned the rink.

He wove a story with his fluid movements, a story that held Will captive.

He attempted a move that never in Will’s wildest dreams could he do, everyone watched as he spun with bated breath and cheered when he landed but the skater in Will recognized that he hadn’t done it. He almost did, and he definitely caught himself, but he hadn’t done it.

And if those judges were worthy at all for their position, they would know too.

Nico finally slid to a stop in front of the judges, his arms crossed over his chest and his chin tilted upward, challenging them to mention the slip-up.

It was quite a scene. He looked almost ethereal and they were all sitting (or standing in Nico’s case) looked like something out of a painting.

Later, after the other singles and the partners and the ensembles, the audience was still, waiting for the announcement.

“The 1st place winner, and who will be going to Sectionals is…

Olympus Ice!” People burst into applause but Will was only staring at Nico who was standing with his team, a barely-there smile present on his face, but enough to make Will whisper, “Wow,”

Jason glanced at him, then at where he was staring. “Don’t do that, Will. No figure skaters. You know that.”

Will rolled his eyes and scoffed,  “I would never.”

Jason sighed and smiled, “Good.”

[champagne-bucky]

Prescription For... (Just a Touch)

Summary: Steve learns the basics.

Warnings: pre-serum Steve x reader, crude language, masturbation (male and female), dirty thoughts

Notes: Soooo this is kinda late (by like a month or two) but this is kinda my thank you for 1,000 on Tumblr!!! Thank you all so so so much for your support and love towards me and my writings!! Enjoy!!

After Bucky’s interesting visit with Old Man Rogers, he had to go back for more. He honestly did not believe a word his older best friend spoke to him. Was he going senile? Maybe he was lying? Or, maybe he was telling the truth…

“Back for more?” The older gentleman chuckled at the impromptu visit from his childhood friend.

“I just gotta know, are you pulling my leg? Because if you are that was a pretty fucking good gag, Steve,” no matter how many times Steve told Bucky about her, Bucky really thought the old captain was lying to him.

“I assure you, it was all real,” Steve smirked at Bucky and Bucky was a little squeamish at that.

“So, then what else happened between you and her? Did you visit her while you returned the stone? Did you ever keep in touch with her like you did with Peggy? C’mon Steve don’t leave me hanging,” Steve chuckled at his friend.

“All in due time, Buck. Head home now, I’ve gotta take my meds and head to bed,” Bucky gave Steve a hug and pat on the back.

“I’ll be back,” Bucky called out.

“You always do,” Steve responded.

—

Later that night, Steve laid in his bed and dreamed of his woman. The woman before the shield, before the title, before his name. He dreamed of her.

*flashback*

“So, Rogers, them boys been giving you trouble for a while now, huh?” She sat across from the nervous young man while sipping on her drink.

“Just the usual stuff. This always happens to me, ya know,” he responds as he plays with the collar of his shirt.

“You don’t listen to those boys. All they are is scared little boys who got no business picking on a guy like you,” Steve scoffed at that.

“Then why do they always come after me?”

“Depends, your pal Bucky out of town or something?” It did dawn on Steve that whenever Bucky wasn’t around he did get picked on a lot more.

“I don’t like the way they spoke to you today. Sayin’ that you and your momma are,” she shuddered in disgust, “are like that. I find it charming that a man can be that close with his momma,” Steve blushed at that. All his life people would tease and taunt him for being a momma’s boy. Bucky was the same with his mother. However, when there’s a guy as big and buff as he is the guys don’t pick on you as much.

“They’re probably just jealous cause they can’t find any lady around her to screw around with. Probably touch their you know what’s to a peach and imagine a lady attached,” Steve choked on his drink. He never heard a woman speak such vulgarity.

“What?” She looked at him curiously.

“Ya know,” she started doing the motion of a closed fist going up and down.

Steve furrowed his brows in confusion. What was she doing?

“Oh, Oh my gosh! You’ve never…” she trailed off as she looked at Steve’s expression. Poor Steve started to blush out of embarrassment.

“No, no, it’s nothing to be ashamed about. Didn’t you ever learn what that was,” she tried her best to not be crude, but she knew it wasn’t gonna work.

“I’m not following,” poor boy.

“Steve,” she let out a little chuckle, “I’m talking about masterbating. You’ve never heard about that before?” Steve choked back his shocked expression as she whispered the last part.

Of courses he’s heard of that word before. He remembers how his momma sat him down one day and told him that good boys don’t do dirty things like touch their privates. She scarred poor Steve at such a young age about the evils of self pleasure.

“I-I have, I just thought I w-wasn’t supposed to d-do it,” Steve was entirely red at this point.

“Oh, Stevie. My poor poor boy you’re mistaken’,” she shook her head and placed a hand over his. “There’s nothing wrong with touching yourself,” she had confidence that Steve had never seen before, not even in Bucky. “It’s a good thing, a really good thing. It’ll prepare you for later,” she winked as Steve’s eyes blew as wide as the moon.

He forgot about the offer she had made. Oh god, just knowing that made him feel ashamed of himself, he didn’t know anything about masterbating let alone sex. He’s a fraud!

“H-How do I-I do it,” he was looking everywhere except her face.

She smirked and began to tell him the rundown. Steve was baffled by how all this worked. He didn’t know how his mother would feel about this if she ever caught him. Oh god, what if she caught him, Steve thought.

“Listen, just try it, there’s no need to rush or overthink it. However in the event that you do do it,” she smirked and played with the hair at the nape of his neck, “let me know every little detail,” she winked and gave Steve a kiss on the cheek as she left the little diner they were in.

-

Steve had been nervous all throughout the night when he returned home. Every time his mother asked him a question he would start to get nervous. Thinking that he was starting to come down with something, she abruptly sent him to bed, alone with his thoughts.

Now flash forward to Steve in his room, laid out on his bed, stripped down to nothing but a pair of boxers and his pale little chest heaving up and down in the moonlight. He stared up at the ceiling as he thought. What should turn him on? He laid there for what felt like hours, only it was mere minutes, before his mind wandered back to her.

Did she do this too? Did she lay down in her bed every night and do dirty things to make her feel better? Did she tug her nightgown up to her hips and play down there until she felt euphoric? Would she not wear her undergarments to bed, maybe discard them so they wouldn't feel so dirty?

Oh, so this is how you start, huh? Steve felt himself get harder at the thought of her doing that. Her sweet little nightgown resting above her belly button, undergarments taken neatly off her heating body as her sweet little center starts to slick. She’s featherlight with her touches, she hisses when she applies pressure to her sweet and sensitive breasts.

Quiet moans escape past her beautiful lips as she rubs her thighs together for some relief. That’s not enough to quench the increasingly burning fire. Her one hand leaves its place, pulling and pinching the dusty pink nipple that is way past its usual sensitivity limit.

It’s wet down there, so wet. She feels a light sheen of sweat gloss over her perfect skin. Her fingers make hasty work as she plays, pulls, and rubs the sensitive little nub. Her moans start to get too loud, she has to put her other hand over her mouth to silence them. She fails quickly as she slips a finger in her center, then two. It’s mind blowing, the sweet and slick core pulsing at every rapid movement. No room for teasing tonight, she has to be quick before anyone hears her.

Three fingers, she’s never done this before. It feels so good. Her back arches off the bed ever so slightly out of pleasure. She’s going faster now, so fast she hears little noises coming from down there. It’s so hot. So hot that she can’t take the amount of pleasure anymore. She lets go and it's an amazing feeling. Her bed sheets are soaked as well as her thighs. She’s heavy breathing now as she scrambles to get up.

Her legs are shaking with every movement as she strips her sheets and wipes herself down. The air feels nice and cool against her burning skin. She needed this tonight and she’s glad it happened.

Finally, she changes her sheet and lays back in bed. All cool and rested thinking about the skinny boy who visits her father's pharmacy every day.

-

Steve is sitting up now, hand around his painfully aching cock. He’s pumping up and down so fast. The precum spilling out the top was enough to coat his big shaft. He’s holding back his grunts with clenched teeth.

It feels good, it’s so good that he needs to stop himself a few times so the pleasure doesn’t end early. He’s starting to make sweet sounds on his glistening member too. His other hand is making a tight grip on the edge of his mattress. He can’t hold on for long, he’s gotta do it.

He lets go. The mess ends up on his chest and dribbles down his abdomen. He’s coated in his own sheen of sweat and he is breathless.

Steve couldn't believe what had just happened. He feels a mix of shame, but not as much as he feels the missing fulfillment of pleasure. This sweet delicacy should’ve been a part of his life way earlier. Screw it, he wants to do it a second time, third time, so many times, but he knows he can’t. He needs some sleep since this activity drained him of all his energy.

He sleeps like a baby for the first time in years. He’s cooled down and feels less stressed. Steve can’t wait to do it again.

-

Her phone rings a numerous number of times. Her mother yells for her to come near as she says a young gentleman is asking for her. She trudges towards the phone and smirks as she hears her soon to be lover's voice telling her that the deed has been done.

“So you ready to learn more, Rogers?”

[saltwatersweets]

i’ve seen a few people do this, soooo...

emoji rating! this time the world famous pensive emoji

Apple

a good boy! loving the detail on each bit, as well as the lighting. the eyebrows look a little strange, though, i just can’t put my finger on it. 

final rating: 8/10, good but not perfect

Google

eh, this guy’s alright. many things are like the apple’s version, and yet just different enough to make it look bad. the eyebrows are too small, the mouth is too thick, and the colors are yellow and brown instead of white and yellow.

final rating: 6/10, not great but not awful

Microsoft

oof, this guy is a big yikes. it has a problem that google had: too thick of a mouth. in fact, all of this guy’s lines are thick, except for the eyes. speaking of the eyes, they’re too vertical. a true pensive emoji’s eyes look more like a sideways ) than a smaller U. the eyebrows are too light, too. i do appreciate the lack of shading though, it makes it look a lot nicer with this artstyle.

final rating: 4/10, meh

Facebook

a P E R F E C T boy. i can’t see a single thing wrong with this. the eye’s look like someone applied eyeliner but not too much. the eyebrows are thicker in the middle and get thinner as they stretch out, just like normal eyebrows! if you look carefully, you can see a slight frown in the mouth, showing the sadness of this emoji! the shading is just right, put at the perfect area so it doesn’t look like a flat drawing, but also doesn’t look like a bouncy ball! what a wonderful emoji! 

final rating: 11/10, facebook, you did good

WhatsApp

ugh, of course whatsapp had to ruin it. there isn’t much to say about this emoji, only how the face is too low and the eyebrows too thin. looks like a repeat of apple, only worse. the shading is nice though

final rating: 5/10, wouldn’t recommend

Messenger

what am i... looking at? why isn’t he round? why is the face too low? why are the eyes so thick? why is the mouth so long? what even IS this shading? this isn’t a circle, this is an egg with a face drawn on it with horrible looking shading!

final rating: 3/10, what the heck

Twitter

ugh this one is... this one is fine. it’s not all that great. the colour is dull and the eyes are too close, while the eyebrows are too far. however, the mouth looks great, and twitter handled the lack of black lines a whole lot better than messenger did.

final rating: 6/10, forgettable

Samsung

somehow just as bad as microsoft, despite having the opposite problem: the lines are too thin. on top that, the eyes and eyebrows are WAY too far apart. it looks weird, i dislike

final rating: 4/10, no thanks

LG

EW EW EW EW EW WHAT IS HAPPENING? this guy looks DISGUSTING! the mouth is so big while the eyes are so small they’re practically nonexistent! the shading makes this face look like a yellow rubber ball, and the blush on the cheeks? U G H. why is there a little white line on the top for shading while the rest of the lighting is subtle? where the hell are the eyebrows? this emoji fills me with a VISCERAL rage and i hate it

final rating: 0/10, absolutely gross

HTC

aww, this guy is sweet! however, he is very flawed. the colour is orange and looks like a creamsicle, while the eyebrows are too upturned. the eyes and mouth are adorable though, and this emoji looks pretty cute! of course, i might just like this guy so much because it follows the absolute mess that is lg’s “pensive” emoji, but whatever

final rating: 9/10, knocked a point of for the colour and eyebrows

SoftBank

oof, this guy has me conflicted. on one hand, he’s absolutely adorable. on the other, he doesn’t look like a pensive emoji at all. he looks like an tsundere anime girl angrily declaring that she doesn’t have a crush when she so obviously does.

final rating: 5/10, not a pensive emoji but is really cute

Mozilla

W H A T T H E F U C K I S T H I S. NO. NO. WHAT THE F U C K IS THIS. THE EYES ARE TOO SMALL. THIS HORRIBLE ALIEN BABY THING IS S M I L I N G??? ON A PENSIVE EMOJI????????? STOP. AND THE E A R S. THIS THING LOOKS LIKE IF YOU TOOK A YELLOW TENNIS BALL AND STUCK TWO MINI DOORKNOBS IN THERE. MOZILLA, HOW DO YOU FUCK SOMETHING UP THIS BADLY

final rating: -1000000000000000000/10 kill it with fire

[peonybane]

Hey there, soooo... I don't know whether you heard about VIXX and Hongbin, but just thought I'd check in, whether you had or hadn't yet. I feel quite bitter. I was very upset with what happened to Wonho last year when he left Monsta X, but with Hongbin it seems like he is quitting being a performer altogether 😖😢

So I am going to be answering this under the cut (both so people don’t have to read a long ask, but also because of the subject matter). Please let me know if you’d like me to remove this as an ask, I’ll repost my opinion as an original.

Disclosure: While I’m very into VIXX and other kpop groups, unless it ends up on my Tumblr dash, I know absolutely nothing about what’s going on. I don’t have most forms of social media. So if there’s are some factually wrong things down below, it’s because I’m only vaguely aware of certain details. Most of this is my own personal opinion and intuitions as well. I will also state here that I know very little about the twitch controversies except for hearsay so I’ll only be referring to one case, the most relevant one.

I was never into Monsta X as I am with my other groups, but I feel like this is worse than when Wonho left. I’m not disregarding that it wasn’t painful or upsetting for Monbebes. But... Wonho left to protect his group. But he’s continuing to do what he loves. I feel like Hongbin is leaving, so he can survive. While I hope that he’s not leaving as a performer entirely, I respect his decision if he decides to have nothing to do with being an entertainer ever again.

So, I’m ngl, I am a combo of a shit ton of things, but mostly, I am a combination of livid and proud.

I am livid at the people who started this shit. I am so fucking pissed because people forget that idols are human beings too. They have feelings, they have OPINIONS.

I am so fucking pissed at the company(ies). I don’t know which company has greatest power in this or who this all happened under, but either way, I am pissed. Jelpi had been using VIXX as a cash cow for years because for whatever reason they could never recreate the same magical process of creating a group within a niche market. Despite VIXX finding a niche market within to thrive, Jelpi stopped giving them that support long ago. And we all know SM’s reputation (for those who don’t know, SM recently acquired Jelpi).

Something that both worries and pisses me off is that SM may not so subtly told him to leave voluntarily. But as far as I know, Hongbin decided to leave, himself. But we’ll most likely never truly know. 

I think SM could see the writing on the wall. It already happened twice under the label. After all...

Once is a tragedy. Twice is a coincidence. Thrice is a statistic.

Hongbin would have been that statistic.

And really, that’s what is really making me absolutely livid. Because based on what we’ve seen and heard as fans... I can’t fucking imagine what was going on behind closed doors.

Idols are by no means perfect human begins. But they still don’t deserve this treatment. Including Hongbin.

I am proud of Hongbin so many reasons. From the very beginning, Hongbin was considered one of the weakest vocally. What that means, I don’t really know, I’m not musically trained. But he put in the effort to grow and develop himself as an idol. I mean on EAU DE VIXX, he was a fucking vocal powerhouse! He put all this effort into bettering himself as an actor, as a singer, as a dancer. And yet his company did not pay him the courtesy of that work.

I am proud of him because throughout these years, he’s been very much himself from the beginning, even though that makes him surly as hell, confrontational, sarcastic. He gave us Meme-Bin. He made us feel his pain with the cringe. He worked hard on his dream. It was never a life long dream like it was for Jaehwan. Instead, it was almost spur of the moment. And to me, being able to succeed to some degree of that sudden dream -- that is one of the greatest inspirations anyone can give.

I am proud of him for his strength. He went through years of being put in awkward positions (the Error MV for instance: he was originally suppose to kiss her on the lips and he kissed her on the forehead instead because kissing her made him uncomfortable). Years of being cast in the wrong type of role despite his skills (always cast as the ‘Prince’ type when he could have become an amazing psychotic villain). Years of his hard work being disregarded in favor of being a pretty face.

And he seemingly went through that and probably more that will never know about for years, all with that big cheesy dimpled smile. I think on some level, he’s depressed and has been for a very long time. But for the most part, like most of those who fight with their inner demons, he hid it for everyone else.

I think that during their hiatus TWITCH was his safe haven. It was a place where he could do something he loved and still interact with his ‘fans.’ And when he was asked his OPINION on a REMIX, people decided that that was enough to call for him to be cancelled. And it seems like the company listened to loudest minority. His haven was no longer safe.

I don’t know what happened behind closed doors. I think we all hoped that the company was looking to take legal action against the slander. Now, I’m wondering, did they decide to use Hongbin as a scapegoat for something? I don’t know. I don’t think we’ll ever know. 

Hongbin is NOT perfect. He is not without flaw, the same as any other human being. But I do think he’s one of the strongest people I’ve seen. 

I don’t know for certain, but I hope leaving was something he decided for himself, and not because of my fear that I said earlier. And that’s why I think he’s so strong.

I think he realized that he was in trouble. And I don’t mean with the fans or the company. I think he recognized that there were somethings were not worth paying for with his life.

I truly think that without the other five being there to help emotionally support him (with the Hyung line scattered to the wind for military service and Ravi off being a workaholic with GROOVL1N), Hongbin would not have survived. I know Hakyeon is coming back soon, but could have Hongbin held out for that much longer? 

I don’t know. 

I truly believe that if Hongbin was fighting with the company for something behind closed doors, Hakyeon and Jaehwan would have fought for him when he emotionally couldn’t stand up for himself anymore.

I am proud of Hongbin because he knew his worth. He chose to live. Leaving something that I’m sure is all consuming, that takes a lot of strength. That takes a strong sense of self worth (maybe even self love) and the will to live. 

With the world going to shit this year, it’s hard to find the good in all this. I try to be forever the optimist. And in my mind, if Hongbin really did decide to leave of his own volition, in the long run, perhaps the world is still progressing to a better place. He decided to make the tough decision now, rather than waiting until it was too much; rather than waiting until he saw no other option than to make a decision that there is absolutely no coming back from.

I’m proud that he chose his health over everything else. Even if it makes me upset to see him go.

Because honestly, VIXX isn’t going to be the same without him. 

[non-sequitura]

Non-sequitura Disney in-depth analysis (after making a tier list)

Warning: SUPER longform. If you don’t know a movie well, you should skip the summary. I tried to be light on spoilers, but they’re there.

I went chronologically from favorite to least favorite. So S tier is, in order from fave to least fave, The Incredibles, WALL-E, then Zootopia.

S tier (Something I consider high quality AND a movie I greatly enjoy. I would love more Disney movies be like this.)

The Incredibles - one of my favorite movies of all time, possibly THE favorite. Rockin social commentary, epic action scenes, memorable characters, not a minute of screentime wasted, great take on the Fantastic Four, hilarious parts for both adults and children, an interesting villain, etc. 

WALL-E - I love how social commentary was done here. Also skies above, what a beautiful love story. Really blazed a trail in non-verbal storytelling (especially given it was an animated kids film!) Robot animations are particularly delightful. 

Zootopia - another social message delivered excellently and entertainingly. I love Judy and her persistence, I love the expressiveness of the faces and the epic city setting. I love Judy and Nick's banter. This movie deserves to be remembered longer than it has been so far. Admittedly, not one of my fave villains, which makes it my least favorite of the Ss. 

A tier (either super high quality or something I greatly enjoy and deem of at least reasonably good quality)

Mulan - this movie did everything right. Truly feminist protagonist, an icon for strong Asian women, fairly culturally accurate (tho Mushu confuses me), GORGEOUS and iconic music. Lets a relatively natural romance develop. I frickin love the action scenes, I love the emporer. Sadly, this movie just didn't lodge its way in my heart as well as Pixar did. Pixar just has some magic, yo. 

Cinderella - my gosh what an underrated protagonist. Her family straight-up abuses her and she never loses sight of her goals for a better life. Iconic visuals helped bring Disney out of bankruptcy. A gorgeous alto singing voice. 

Wreck-it Ralph - alright alright ppl don’t crucify me for this. I honestly can’t think of much wrong with this movie. Vanellope and Ralph’s vitriolic best buds relationship is adorable, her forgiveness of him is heartwarming and (relatively) deserved, rockin’ Owl City song, epic visuals that mix together bc of all the different games. ALSO ONE OF THE BEST DISNEY VILLAINS NO CAP. One of the only twist villains I like. And we stan the romantic pairing. 

Tangled - I’ve talked about this a lot, but Rapunzel deserved the whole world after what she’s gone through. That being said, Gothel is not some shallow monster she needs to escape from, but an intelligent, well-defined monster with backstory. I could totally see this story happening if the world of Tangled existed. Epic love story, hilarious dialogue. Music is… good but much of it is less memorable to me. Visuals are good but not quite at the level/creativity of many other disney films. 

The Lion King - they really put Hamlet in Africa and pulled it off lol. But in all seriousness, no one took the premise of this film seriously at the time and it became sooo iconic. I love Scar and his eventual downfall, I love how Simba grows emotionally, I love the sad moments that don’t overpower the overall feeling of light goofiness. And music so memorable it was one of the first Disney musicals. 

Coco - not a super unique story premise. But an incredible culture to explore with such creativity and sensitivity. I love the themes of death not being the worst and music being so central to the story. Twist/twist villain was memorable and not expected. And yeah, it did make me cry, so props there. 

Ratatouille - the most recently watched of these films for me. This movie is soooo unique! Back when Pixar was truly super out there with their concepts. Super Parisian visuals and soundtrack. It somehow starts goofy (THE OLD LADY TRIES TO KILL REMY WITH A SHOTGUN WHILE WEARING A GAS MASK) but really drives home the message that you can truly do what you want regardless of who you are. Colette can get it. And the monologue by Ego at the end is one of my favorites in film. 

Frozen - Anna is one of my favorite Disney protagonists. She’s so resilient and loyal. Elsa ain’t bad either but she experiences… less character development. The film is a tad too pleased with its own self-awareness for my taste, but there’s no denying how iconic the music and visuals were. 

Inside Out - Alright, this movie hits home for me bc I tried to run away after moving. A super thoughtful, heartfelt depiction of (potentially depression? imo) with great moments of humor. Riley’s inner world is so creative and lovely. Also realistic depictions of Minnesota/California culture. 

Tarzan - Jane! is! smart! and! adorable! Her scientific curiosity makes her very endearing. it’s so cute to see her and Tarzan learn from each other. Also Tarzan’s “found mother” is epic. Solid score. Solid film all around. To quote Lily Orchard, “This film is what Pocahontas tried to be.” 

B tier (one of my favorites but has a few significant flaws that bring it down (or not quite as memorable to me, but consider good quality))

Peter Pan - Haven’t seen it in a hot sec, but I remember being super charmed by this as a kid. Just going out, having incredible adventures, and returning to a warm home at the end of the day. Tinker Bell is hilarious and beautifully drawn. Gets major negative points for the depiction of Native Americans tho. 

Big Hero 6 - I was super charmed by the protagonist, his family/friends, and the setting. The plot/villain’s motivations are a bit of a mess, though. 

Princess and the Frog - This movie has so much flavor to it! The visuals/music are lovely and unique. Tiana is incredible but it’s kinda annoying how EVERYONE keeps trying to shoehorn her into romance. The thing is, her goals are entirely reasonable. Focus on her restaurant, then look to settle down. But they’re like “nooo you’re ignoring the important things in life” smh. Also, epic villain, woohoo! The movie dragged significantly for me when they were in the bayou. Charlotte is delightful. 

Winnie the Pooh - don’t remember it super well, but I think it was charming and occasionally dark, which is an addictive concoction. 

The Little Mermaid - MAN ppl roast Ariel way more than she deserves. Visually, it was… fine. idk. This movie is good. I don’t have much else to say about it. 

Snow White - the one that started it all. Visually, super impressive. Musically, lovely. I find the romance a bit… off. Well, more than a bit. What is it with Disney and kissing sleeping people? 

Alice in Wonderland - a nerdy acid trip. Right up my alley! I also like films where ppl go on incredible adventures and return to the status quo, but THEY changed bc of it. Epic. SUUUUPER creative visual interpretation of Carroll’s book. Brave - gosh I loooove films where a parent and child learn to understand each other. Never got why ppl hated this movie so much. The Scottish flavor is present and fun. Merida made one mistake and made it up. The arrow scene is iconic. 

Cars - a fun ride! (hahaha puns.) We love seeing Paul Newman as a car. 

B-minus tier? (same as B, but problematic, or weaker story-wise.)

Hunchback - man… settings-wise, this film might be my favorite. I also love Esmeralda and Quasimodo as characters and as a duo (though the sexualized depiction of Romani ppl is not epic.) I also don’t find the discrimination against Esmeralda/Quasimodo jarring bc it matches the time period. Frollo is super interesting as a villain. The gargoyles are… def not necessary. Basically, this film doesn’t know what it’s doing with tone. 

Sleeping Beauty - Aurora was my favorite when I was younger because I thought she was the prettiest, and that still defines how i feel about this, basically. Visually lovely - everything is kind of elongated and gothic. Maleficent is spiteful and epic. I have no issue with the fluffier parts of the movie, like the music or the fairies. RIP for lack of consent being a plot point, though. 

Hercules - Megara is incredible. one of the only Disney “princesses” who acts like an adult and has cynicism as a major part of her personality. I love her and Herc’s progression where she learns to trust him (yes, he is genuinely that sincere, it’s not a front.) Muses are unique, whoever came up with them was high on something and I’m living for it. I just think the plot itself was somewhat unrealistic/ weirdly-paced. There are some memorable songs, some less-than-memorable songs. Art style is cool but I’m personally not a fan. EXTREMELY inaccurate depictions of the original Greek gods. 

C tier (entertaining, but I don't consider it a great movie)

Bolt - I watched this like 11 years ago. It was fun! A cool concept about those put on a pedestal learning their worth even without celebrity boosting them up. Animation was… fine I think. not super memorable to me. 

Frozen 2 - They really took any scrap of character development Elsa had in the first movie, threw it in the garbage and set it on fire. Anna deserved so much better. Songs are bombastic and impressive, have the occasional interesting lyric, but are really weirdly placed and none are quite as iconic as the first movie’s (except Aurora, she does great work here. Also the song Anna sings after she thinks Elsa died.) 

Not a big fan of the vaguely homeopathic theme. Not a big fan of Olaf’s WEIRD character development. Not a big fan of the suuuuuper awkward dialogue and the animations that imply not only that Kristoff is into his reindeer but that Elsa and Anna are into each other (if you’re questioning if they did that, yes, they did, I can find screenshots of some really weird expressions/moments. THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO PANDER TO YOUR WEIRD FANS, DISNEY.) 

The voice actors did great work, the animators did great work (look at the details on their clothes! Look at how Elsa’s posture changes to be more confident! look at how they're animated while they're singing!) Some weird costume/makeup choices that make Elsa look like an aging starlet, but she also has some gorgeous moments so eh. It’s a wash for me. 

They really did not know what to do with Kristoff this movie, huh. The only thing that happened to him was singing a cheesy 90s ballad and marrying Anna, both of which were admittedly epic. Also, the trolls got 0 appearances despite being literally psychic. Probably could have helped with a lot. I'm not a huge fan of lore/worldbuilding, and thee was a lot of it here. Overall neutral on it. 

Also a big theme in this movie I don’t love - **** TANGIBLE CONSEQUENCES TO OUR ACTIONS!!! The danger is Elsa’s death, the elements, colonialism, and Arendelle literally being destroyed. None of those end up playing out, so I was left at the end going “this film had literally no stakes.” 

Monsters U - same as above - entertaining at the time! Not super memorable. The ppl we were supposed to dislike kept switching. Doesn’t really match the canon of Monsters Inc (I thought they were supposed to have known each other since childhood so why did they meet in college?) 

Cars 3 - so apparently, everyone HATED this movie! Fun! I never watched Cars 2 (yes watched Cars 1 if you haven’t been paying attention to this list), but I didn’t think this movie was bad at all. Well-acted, some fun chase scenes, the scene where Lightning fails at driving in the simulation is genuinely hilarious, and some interesting perspectives on teachers getting the spotlight for their skills for once. 

Incredibles 2 - I liked this film at first, but then it was… just okay in retrospect. I love me some good family dynamics. The plot here makes not a lot of sense. THEY BUILT UP THE UNDERMINER FOR NOTHING AND THEN FORGOT ABOUT HIM. I was surprised by the villain swap, but it happened so last minute I never really understood their motivations even after they explained them. Tried to tackle waaaay too many messages. 

D tier (I didn't enjoy these or consider them mediocre)

Finding Dory - Maybe I should have put this higher? Like C tier at least. Ah well. Wasn’t a huge fan of the body/physical comedy (not my thing), but it was entertaining and awww finding family is heartwarming. 

Finding Nemo - I remember nothing about this movie. 

E tier (this film has significant problems)

Beauty and the Beast - *sigh*… I want to love this movie. The score is gorgeous. Visually, they could have made it more distinctly Rococo-era France but didn’t (why?) The voice actors did good work and I think Paige O’Hara is SUPER underrated here. 

The Beast is emotionally manipulative with an awful temper that (for MOST of the movie. He doesn’t change.) That’s the main reason this is in E tier. This movie shaped so many generations of people thinking they can change the behavior of someone who treats them badly through the power of love. But you can’t. She learns to “love” the beast under coercion. It’s not Stockholm syndrome - it’s a trashy romance novel. Big fan of Gaston as a villain. He’s an archetype ppl can recognize and it’s so satisfying to hate him.

F tier (I think this film actively harms the industry and would rather it not have been made. Both the one in E tier could be considered harmful to the industry, but I think they had significant enough artistic accomplishments to scrape above that. I'm also generally a fan of "lack of censorship bc it's better to teach what not to do.")

Pocahontas - this movie took real historical events and romanticized them AND sexualized one of the only Native princesses they’ve had. Boo. Nothing wrong with animation!Pocahontas as a character, it’s just people put her in a story that doesn’t represent history well at all (and these historical events, unlike those in say, 14th-century Germany, had super relevant effects on people alive today.) And they portrayed the Native Americans and colonial settlers as equally in the wrong. (though I like Governor Radcliffe as a potential villain and love the line “see how I glitter.” I can’t NOT laugh when I hear it.) Lovely music, though. Nice animation, but the colors are weirdly… muted? 

Bad Garbage (I don't wish this film had never been made, but I wish I never had to see it.)

Planes - this movie was ridiculous. I remember not much about it except that I kinda hated it and that it was super cheesy with tension one could see right through that immediately resolved itself via one twist or another. 

Haven’t seen tier: Recess, A Bug’s Life, A Goofy Movie, DuckTakes Movie, Lilo and Stitch, Pinocchio (actually i have seen this but I remember nothing about it), The Nightmare before Christmas, Toy Stories 1, 2, and 3, Up, 101 Dalmatians, The Great Mouse Detective, Cars 2, Moana, The Good Dinosaur, Pete’s Dragon, Fantasia, Peter Pan Return to Neverland, Fantasia 2000, The Black Cauldron (read the book, though!), Bambi (or I did and remember nothing about it), The Rescuersm, The Rescuers Down Under, Planes Fire and Rescue, Bambi 2, The Fox & the Found, Oliver and Company, Atlantis, Treasure Planet (I want to, though), Piglet’s Big Movie, The Jungle Book, the Emporer’s New Groove, The Jungle Book 2, Chicken Little, Brother Bear, The Three Caballeros, Pooh’s Heffalump Movie, Dumbo, The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad, Aladdin (seen parts but never the whole thing), Strange Magic, The Sword in the Stone, James and the Giant Peach, Frankenweenie, Lady and the Tramp, Ralph Breaks the Internet, Doug’s 1st Movie, Monsters Inc. (want to, though), Meet the Robinsons, Dinosaur, The Aristocats, Robin Hood, The Tigger Movie, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, that pooh movie at the end without the title on it

-11/21/20

[terramythos]

TerraMythos' 2020 Reading Challenge - Book 27 of 26

Title: How Long ‘Til Black Future Month? (2018)

Author: N. K. Jemisin

Genre/Tags: Short Story Collection, Fantasy, Science Fiction, Horror, Dystopia, Magical Realism, Steampunk, Cyberpunk, Post-Apocalyptic, Female Protagonist(s), LGBT Protagonist(s).

Rating: 8/10 (Note: This is an average of all the stories -- see below the cut for individual story blurbs/ratings).

Date Began: 9/27/2020

Date Finished: 10/4/2020

I really liked this collection! Jemisin wrote my favorite fanstasy/scifi series ever with The Broken Earth trilogy, and I really enjoyed her recent novel The City We Became. I was in the mindset for shorter fiction so decided to read this collection of short stories. Of these 22 stories, my absolute favorites (9/10 or higher) were:

The City Born Great - 10/10

The Effluent Engine - 9/10

Cloud Dragon Skies - 9/10

The Trojan Girl -10/10

Valedictorian - 9/10

The Evaluators - 10/10

Stone Hunger - 9/10

The Narcomancer - 9/10

Too Many Yesterdays, Not Enough Tomorrows - 9/10

Sinners, Saints, Dragons, and Haints, in the City Beneath the Still Waters - 9/10

A more detailed summary/reaction to each story under the cut. WARNING: IT’S LONG.

1. Those Who Stay and Fight - 8/10  

Describes a utopia called Um-Helat that exists solely because no one is seen as superior or inferior to anyone else. Over time we learn it's a future, or potential future, of America. But America today is pure anathema to it due to rampant structural inequality. In order to achieve its utopian ideal, Um-Helatians have to root out and destroy people corrupted by the past.

This story was apparently written as a tribute/response to the Ursula K. Le Guin story “The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas”. I first read this without context, then went and read the Le Guin story. I definitely see the parallels. Both feature a narrator describing a wonderful utopia in the midst of festival, trying to convince the reader of the place's existence, before introducing something dark that is the price of the utopia. In the Le Guin story, the utopia exists at the price of the horrible misery and suffering of one child, and everyone is aware of it. Most live with it, but a few leave for the unknown rather than continue to live there (hence the title). In Jemisin's story, the price is instead the annihilation of those tainted by exposure to the evils of the past. The choice, instead of leaving, is for those tainted yet capable to become protectors of the new world, or die.

The thesis is pretty clear: that only by abandoning horrible ideologies and refusing to give them any ground or quarter can a utopian society truly exist. I will say that rings clear, especially when one considers Naziism and fascism. Not all ideologies deserve the light of day or debate, and even entertaining them as valid allows it to take hold. I liked this story, though it comes off as a social justice essay more than a story in and of itself.

2. The City Born Great - 10/10

This one is told from the perspective of a homeless young black man who feels a strange resonance with New York City. He meets a mysterious figure named Paulo, who tells him the city is about to be born as a full-fledged entity, and the man has been chosen to assist with its birth. However, there’s an eldritch force known simply as The Enemy that seeks to prevent this from happening.

I've read this one before since it's the prologue to The City We Became. And honestly it was one of my favorite parts of that book. New York City is a phenomenal character. I love that the proto-avatar of NYC is a young homeless black man, one of the most denigrated groups out there. Cops being the harbingers of eldritch destruction is... yeah. It was fun to reread this. The ending is a little different, because in the novel, something goes terribly wrong that doesn't happen in this short story. There is also a flash forward where he is, apparently, about to awaken the avatar of Los Angeles. Makes me wonder if that is ultimately the endgame of the series. But otherwise it's the same thing with absolutely phenomenal character voice and creativity regarding cities as living creatures. I'm glad Jemisin expanded this idea into a full series.

3. Red Dirt Witch - 7/10

Takes place before the (1960s) Civil Rights Movement in Pratt City, AL. The main character is Emmaline, a witch with three kids. A creepy figure called The White Lady comes to visit and steal one of her children.

I love the little twist that The White Lady is a faerie. And the different take on rowan/ash/thorn instead being rosemary/sage/sycamore fig. There is a lot of touching bits about the horrible trials and human rights abuses during the Civil Rights marches (which are unfortunately all too relevant still), but ultimately a hopeful glimpse of the future of black people in America, though hard-won.

4. L'Alchimista - 6/10

Stars a Milanese master chef named Franca, who fell from glory for Reasons, who now works as head chef at a run-down inn. She feeds a mysterious stranger, who then challenges her to fix a seemingly impossible recipe.

This one was fun and charming. I thought the food (and magical food) descriptions were very vibrant and interesting, especially the last meal. I can tell this is an earlier story and it's pretty light hearted, but I enjoyed it. It felt like it needed a little more of.. something.  

5. The Effluent Engine - 9/10

In an interesting steampunk take, Haitian spy Jessaline comes to the city of New Orleans to meet one of its foremost scientists. Her goal is to find a viable, unique energy source to strengthen Haiti in a world that wants to see her nation dead.

I really liked this; it's one of the longer stories so there's more time for character development and worldbuilding. And it's gay. I'm not hugely into pure steampunk because a lot of it comes off as very... samey (hyper Eurocentric/Victorian, etc) but I thought this take was fresh.

Like much of Jemisin's work, there is a lot of racial under and overtones; this one specifically goes into the terrible atrocities committed against the Haitians during their Revolution, and the varied social classes of black/Creole people in New Orleans at the time. A lot of this is stuff I was unaware of or knew very little about. I thought it was interesting to bring all of these to the forefront in a steampunk story in addition to the dirigibles, clockwork, action, and subterfuge. Also, everything tries together in a very satisfying way by the end (the rum bottle!), which I love in short fiction.

6. Cloud Dragon Skies - 9/10

Takes place in a post-apoc future where some humans evacuated to space while others stayed behind and took on more indigenous traditions to heal the Earth. The sky has suddenly turned red on Earth, and some representatives from the "sky-people" come to study it and figure out why.

I really enjoyed this little story; fantasy/scifi fusions are my jam, but science fiction specifically told through a fantasy lens is just so cool to me. The cloud dragons were very interesting and imaginative. Also, I love how the opening statement's meaning isn't particularly clear until you read the whole thing.

7. The Trojan Girl - 10/10

This one is about sentient computer programs/viruses that struggle to survive in something called the Amorph, which is basically a more advanced, omnipresent version of the Internet.

Holy fucking shit was this a cool story. Probably the coolest take on cyberpunk I've ever read. The main character Moroe has formed a messed up little family of creatures like him who live and hunt in Amorph's code, but can upload to "the Static" (real life) if needed by hijacking human hosts. The way this is described is so damn creepy and unsettling. I love that while they're anthropomorphized, the characters are mostly feral and compared to a pack of wolves. Soooo much wolf pack imagery. And the ending is so fucking good and imaginative.

This was apparently a proof of concept story that Jemisin decided not to adapt to a longer series, which I'm kind of sad about, but it was REALLY cool nevertheless. The next story is apparently in the same universe and serves as the "conclusion".

8. Valedictorian - 9/10

This one is about a girl who is, well, top of her class in high school, and the stresses that mount as graduation approaches. But while it seems like a familiar setup, there is something decidedly Off about everything, which is revealed gradually over the course of the story.

I originally gave this an 8, but honestly I couldn't stop thinking about it so I boosted it to a 9. It doesn’t become clear how this connects to the previous story until the midpoint. I liked this one because it functions as a nice dystopian science fiction story but also biting social commentary on the modern American education system. I'm not going go say more on it because spoilers. While I personally like the first story more I think this is an interesting followup/conclusion with a more cerebral approach.  

9. The Storyteller's Replacement - 6/10

This one's presented as a traditional "once upon a time" fable told by a storyteller narrator, about a shitty despotic king named Paramenter. Desperate to prove his virility, he eats the heart of a dragon, which is said to be a cure-all for impotence. It's successful, but the six strange daughters that result seem to have plans of their own.

Not really my cup of tea-- it's pretty fucked up. But it's definitely cathartic by the end, which I appreciate, and I do like how creepy the daughters are.

10. The Brides of Heaven - 5/10

Framed as an interrogation in an offworld colony called Illiyin, in which a terrible accident occurred on the way that left all the adult men dead. Dihya, who lost her only son to an alien parasite, is caught trying to sabotage the colony's water supply for reasons unknown.

I like some things in this story. I love the trope of alien biology affecting human biology in unexpected ways. I'm not terribly familiar with Islam but thought it added an interesting faith vs practicality vs tradition element to the science fiction. However I found the sexual body horror REALLY squicky which turned me off the story as a whole.

11. The Evaluators - 10/10

Stylized as a collection of logs and excerpts from a First Contact team of humans visiting and studying a sapient alien species to potentially set up trade relations. There's a focus on one team member named Aihua and her conversations with one of the aliens, but there's miscellaneous important hints/excerpts from the survey that hint Something Creepy Is Going On.

This one was BIZARRE and took me two reads to fully appreciate, but it’s a great work of nontraditional science fiction horror. Just... the epitome of "*nervous laughter* 'what the fuck'". I can't say more without spoiling but dear lord. That whole Jesus bit hits different on a second read. Fucking hell.

12. Walking Awake - 7/10

Takes place in a dystopian society in which parasitic creatures known as Masters keep a small number of humans alive to be flesh suits for them, which they take over and trade around at will. The main character Sadie is a human "caretaker" responsible for propagandizing and raising well-bred human children that eventually become the Masters' hosts. She starts to have disturbing dreams when one takes over the body of a teenage boy she was particularly attached to.

This is apparently a response to Robert Heinlein's The Puppet Masters, which I have never read. It's a full damn novel so I probably won't. Google tells me it's about parasitic aliens, but was obviously also Red Scare paranoia about communist Russia. The argument in the Jemisin story is that the parasites are a result of human folly in an attempt to punish/control people their creators didn't like. This went poorly and resulted in the whole world being taken over.

The story itself is disturbing since the victims are innocent children, but it's ultimately about standing up and taking the first step toward revolution. I felt pretty neutral about the story itself; perhaps I would have liked it more if it was longer and I had more time with the world and protagonist. I wanted to connect to Sadie and her maternal relationship the boy who got killed more. Or maybe it's more impactful if you're familiar with the Heinlein novel and can see the nods/digs.

13. The Elevator Dancer - 7/10

A very short story that takes place in a Christian fundamentalist surveillance state. The protagonist is an unnamed security guard who occasionally sees a woman dancing alone in the elevator and obsesses over her.

I like this one but I'm not sure if I really get it. It's heavily implied the dancer is a hallucination, and the narrator gets "re-educated" but it's all a little ambiguous. I think it's about the struggle to find meaning and inspiration in an oppressive world.  

14. Cuisine des Mémoires - 8/10

This one's about a man named Harold who visits a strange restaurant that claims it can replicate any meal from any point in history. He orders a meal which his ex-wife, whom he still loves very much, fixed for him years ago.

This one was certainly different, but I really like the idea of food-as-memory, especially because that's an actual thing. This story just takes it to an extra level. Honestly this story made me feel things... the longing of memory and missed connections/opportunities. Jemisin did a great job with emotion on this one.

15. Stone Hunger - 9/10

Stars a girl in with the ability to manipulate the earth who's tracking down a man she senses in an unfamiliar city. It's heavily implied the world is in a perpetual post-apocalyptic state. When she's caught damaging the outer wall of the city to break in and injured/imprisoned, she's aided by a mysterious, humanoid statue creature with motives of its own.

I have to say it's really interesting to see an early beta concept of The Broken Earth. Orogeny is a little different (and not named)-- there's some kind of taste component to it? Though that's possibly unique to the main character? While hatred of orogenes exists I don't think it's a structural exploitation allegory at this point. Ykka + proto-Castrima existing this early is pretty funny to me. People also use metal, which is VERY funny if you’ve read the series. But I was thrilled to see stone eaters were Very Much A Thing this early and almost exactly how they appear in the series (a little more sinister I guess. At least the one in this story is. I think he basically gets integrated into the Steel/Gray character in the final version).

Anyway as a huge fan of The Broken Earth it's inspiring to see these early ideas and just how much got changed. It's hard for me to look at this as an independent story without the context of the series. I think I'd like it due to the creative setting and strange concepts, but I appreciate the final changes to narrative style and worldbuilding, which really made the series for me.

16. On The Banks of the River Lex - 8/10

Death explores a decaying, post-human version of New York City. He and various deities/ideas created by humans are all that survives in the future and they struggle to exist in the crumbling infrastructure of the city. But Death gradually observes new and different creatures developing amid the wreckage.

I liked this! Despite a typically bleak premise the story is very optimistic and hopeful for the future of the world post-humanity. I like anthropomorphized concepts/deities/etc in general. I thought the imagery of decay and life was gorgeous. Also octopuses are cool.

17. The Narcomancer - 9/10

Told from the perspective of Cet, a priest known as a Gatherer, who can take the life of someone through their dreams in order to bring them peace. When a village petitions his order to investigate a series of raids conducted by brigands using forbidden magic, Cet joins the party. However, he is troubled by his growing attraction to a strong-willed woman of the village.

This apparently takes place in the Dreamblood universe, which I have not read and know nothing about. However, I really enjoyed this story. It's the longest in the collection so I felt I really got to know the characters. The dream-based religion and fantasy was captivating to learn about. It was also romantic as hell, but not in the typical way you’d expect. I thought the central conflict of a priest struggling between an oath of celibacy and his duty to do the right thing (bring peace to someone who needs it) was fascinating.

18. Henosis - 4/10

A short piece, told anachronistically, about a lauded, award winning author on the way to an award ceremony. He gets kidnapped, but there's Something Else going on.

Honestly I get the sense this one is personal, lol. I will say I like the disturbing play on expectations, but I didn't connect much with it otherwise.  

19. Too Many Yesterdays, Not Enough Tomorrows - 9/10

Follows a group of bloggers who have found themselves caught in isolated quantum loops. Their only human contact is through tenuous online conversations with each other. Styled as various chat logs and emails interspersed with the thoughts and perspectives of Helen, a young black woman who before the loop was teaching English in Japan.

This one is real depressing and definitely Social Commentary (TM). The central thesis about loneliness and disconnect at the end made me pretty dang sad. Good stuff in an ouch kind of way and made me think.

20. The You Train - 6/10

Told from the perspective of an unnamed narrator talking (presumably on the phone) to a friend about her struggles adjusting to life in New York City. She regularly mentions seeing train lines that either don't exist or retired a long time ago.

This is the kind of story I'd normally really like. I think trains are interesting and like vaguely supernatural, inexplicable shit. The one-sided phone call is also an interesting narrative device. But I'm not sure I really got this one. It comes off as vaguely horror-y but also optimistic? I couldn't really figure this one out, and it was too short to feel much investment on top of that.

21. Non-Zero Probabilities - 7/10

Luck has gone completely out of whack in New York City. Highly improbable events suddenly become way more likely, both good and bad. This story follows a woman named Adele and coming to grips with the new ways of life this brings.

I liked this one well enough but I don't have a lot to say about it. I liked how the story looks at how people would adapt to a life where probability doesn't mean anything anymore.  

22. Sinners, Saints, Dragons, and Haints, in the City Beneath the Still Waters - 9/10

A magical realism story about a man named Tookie struggling to survive in New Orleans in the immediate aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. He meets a talking, winged lizard and the two help each other out. But it soon becomes clear there is something sinister lurking in the flooded ruins of the city.

This story was very imaginative and a great cap to the collection. I thought it was an intriguing time period to set a magical realism story in. I love the little details, especially those of omission -- the "lizard" is never called a dragon, for example. I can see echoes of this story in The City We Became, especially the themes of cities as powerful entities, vague eldritch fuckery centered around hatred, and certain people being guardians of the city.  

[eirenare]

Okay, soooo *rubs hands together* Now that I have the TLJ junior novelization, let's get to something very important:

it reveals the origin of the “Stay here. I’ll come back for you, sweetheart. I promise”

First of all, I have to say that I found out that reveal accidentally little ago before getting the novelization, thanks to this lovely Reylo art post over here , and it totally hyped me up (and made me cackle because I was writing a highly speculative fic piece that could kinda fit with this)

For those who don’t know, both in the TFA junior and non-junior novelizations, when Rey touches (or gets close to it, depending on the version) the legacy lightsaber and she sees the vision, what we see in the movie isn’t 100% what happens in the novelizations: in the books she also hears a familiar voice, described in interesting ways, telling her “Stay here. I’ll come back for you, sweetheart. I promise”, among some other changes

The TFA non-junior novelization has this, and the TFA junior novelization describes it too, but it also has minimum another moment where Rey thinks of this (I haven’t fully read the novels for now, so there might be more I’m unaware of as of now)

And this is where TLJ makes things interesting: there’s no mention of this in the movie, just like in TFA, and as far as I’ve read on the TLJ non-junior novelization there’s no mention there either—but the junior TLJ novelization has, at least, FOUR scenes where these phrases and Rey’s past appear

Sounds interesting? Well... buckle up guys, because this is going to be long (like... very long, because there are lots of paragraphs from the novelization, and then some discussion/speculation/theorizing) and it’s gonna end up in much feels for Rey (also, I’ll highlight some important or curious things):

CHAPTER 7

“The island was haunted. Rey was sure of it.

She stood outside Luke’s hut and watched the fog roll across the village. The haze was thick and held an eerie pre-dawn glow. She had the vague impression that something lurked within those mists. Specters whispering secrets from a long-lost time.

Stay here. I’ll come back for you, sweetheart. I promise.

The voice startled her. Those words were the same she had heard so many times in her drams on Jakku. Yet this was not Jakku. And looking around, she saw she stood alone.”

CHAPTER 10

“Stay here. I’ll come back for you, sweetheart. I promise.

The star freighter’s hatch closed, and its engines warmed. Rey tried to run toward it, but Unkar Plutt’s meaty hands held her back. No amount of squirming or wriggling would release her. She was only a small human child, while Plutt was an overweight, overgrown Crolute.

“Come back!” Rey shrieked at the ship. “Come back!”

Her cries caused Plutt to squeeze her arm so tightly it hurt. But that pain did not compare with the heartbreak of watching the freighter lift off. The ship roared toward Jakku’s sun, never to come back as promised.

Rey woke to the sunlight of another world. Dawn streamed through the doorway of the hut in which she’d taken shelter to escape the night’s rain. Fortunately, the rain had ended, as had the nightmare of her parents abandoning her on Jakku.

She blinked and the afterimages of the bad dream faded away.”

CHAPTER 21

“She didn’t want to listen to him. She wanted him to stop the charade and return to Leia. But she also wanted to know.

“Let it go”, he said. “You know the truth. Say it.”

She knew only what she feared. And what she feared was the truth of the voice from her dreams—the dreams that had haunted her since the day her parents abandoned her on Jakku.

Stay here. I’ll come back for you, sweetheart. I promise.

That was not the voice of her mother or her father, as she had long convinced herself.

The voice was her own.

She had imagined that voice and repeated those words over and over as a child until they became part of her reality, even her dreams. They had helped her fall asleep on a hungry stomach and pushed her to persevere when the future seemed bleak. When the years went by and her parents never returned to take her back, she never gave up the hope that someday soon they would and the nightmare of her youth would be over.

It was a false hope.

Was that what Luke had tried to prompt her to confess in the library? The truth she had locked in her heart and had never let herself admit? The truth that her parents were not hardworking space merchants trying to scrape enough together to make a better life for their family?

“They were nobody”, Rey said at last.

“They were filthy junk traders who sold you off for drinking money”, Kylo Ren said, spitting out the words. “They’re dead in a pauper’s grave on Jakku, like all the other junk buried there.”

Rey hadn’t known those details, but she had no doubt what Kylo Ren said was true. Her whole life had been one giant lie of her own making, a castle of dreams and echoes that had no foundation.

She shook all over. She might have survived Snoke’s mental thrashing, but this self-admission could break her for good.

Ren stepped toward her. “You have no place in the story. You come from nothing. You are nothing.” His tone became tender. “But not to me.”

He deactivated the blade. “Join me. Please.” He held out his hand to her.

She looked at him, pale and ghostly in the starlight of the window. His request was sincere. He wanted to teach her. She could learn great power from him. He could help her attain her true potential in the Force. Her past didn’t matter. All that mattered was her place in the future.

Rey reached out to Ren. He smiled.

Their hands never met.

Rey could never join with him. Not as he stood before her now. For he, too, had tried to erase his past, reinventing himself in the mold of his grandfather. The difference was that he had lost hope in his parents, while she had kept hope in hers, however false, alive.

Perhaps that was the very meaning of hope. It seemed false until it happened.

And if she wanted to save Ben, she would have to stop Kylo Ren.”

CHAPTER 23

“Rey saw stars. And lights. And more stars.

But the stars in the viewport began to fade away, as did the lights on the console. Everything was fading—even the sound of her breathing—into a quiet, dark nothingness.

Stay here. I’ll come back for you, sweetheart. I promise.

Jarred by the voice, she sat bolt upright in the cockpit of Snoke’s private shuttle. Of course there was no one else in the ship. Those words were just an echo in her mind. Something she had repeated to herself to stay alive on Jakku. A truth about herself with which she had reconciled.

Those words had just saved her, drawing her from what could have been a deadly slumber.

— — —

"Those words had just saved her, drawing her from what could have been a deadly slumber”

The absolute  s e r v e

* “Sleeping Beauty” vibes intensify*

Also, the reflection about how her past doesn’t matter, but that her future does? All the while she’s considering joining Ben? The fact that she can’t stay by Ben’s side specifically then, as the situation was in that moment?

And the fact that Rey, at that exact point between after the revelation and before the battle of Crait, clearly thought she wanted to save Ben— I’m—

*cries in Reylo*

But well, going back to the main point of all this...

Yep. That was Rey’s own voice

Not Ben from the future, not her parents, no one but herself—trying to shield herself from the pain and the truth to walk forward. I have to say this surprised me, but it’s interesting and it has me full of feels for Rey

Now the thing is, translations can be very interesting... and whereas in English you can probably just assume that Rey is saying “come back!” in plural, in Spanish (Castilian) it gets more interesting because the “come back!” is in singular

Worth to note how Rey doesn’t doubt Ben at all, she fully believes him. And honestly, I don’t think he lied either. But... could Ben had been mislead on accident by what he saw? Could have he seen something that, while true, wasn’t the whole truth, so he had an incomplete view?

I mean, that happens constantly—and we know how visions can be tricky things (something that, in fact, Snoke thinks about for a good while during a certain chapter of the TLJ non-junior novelization)

Also, another thing worth to note is that the TLJ novelization (both the junior and non-junior ones) expands on what Ben tells her in the turbolift about her turning. Here’s the TLJ non-junior version text (Ben’s words don’t differ, but the non-junior highlights in cursive some words—which is why I chose it, except I’m going to highlight them in bold for better visibility), starting from when Rey reveals her vision of Ben’s future:

“When we touched I saw your future,” she told him. “Just the shape of it, but solid and clear. You will not bow before Snoke. You will turn—I’ll help you. I saw it. It’s your destiny.

She watched the emotions chase themselves across his face, echoed by jitters and spikes in the Force. Anger. Confusion. Pain. Loneliness. Longing. Sorrow.

Then he lifted his eyes to hers.

“You’re wrong”, Kylo said. “When we touched I saw something, too. Not your future—your past. And because of what I saw, I know that when the moment comes, you’ll be the one to turn. You’ll stand with me. Rey, I saw who your parents are.”

Rey stared at him, but there was no lie in Kylo’s eyes. And a terrifying realization bloomed in her mind: Kylo’s churning emotions weren’t just about himself. They were also about her.”

So, what Ben saw wasn’t a part of her future, but her past—and we know what Ben told Rey about her past, about her origins, but as I said: what if the picture was incomplete?

With incomplete I don’t mean that we would be getting Rey being related to someone important, nor inheriting powers—I do think there are ways for Rey to keep being a no one chosen as a “vessel” of the Force, to keep her origins humble, while making something really dramatic and shocking with her past

I mean, think of that... while Ben told Rey that her parents are dead and buried in a pauper’s grave in Jakku, Rey is shouting “come back!” in singular, so either the devil’s in the detail and the parents didn’t die at the same time, with one leaving Rey behind (or dying trying to do so *looks sideways at the theory of Rey accidentally killing her parents*), or after her parents died someone who could’ve taken her out of Jakku but didn’t (or couldn’t) do so

Regardless of what we see in TROS, though—reading Rey realize the truth behind those words is so sad. This woman needs: a hug

And it makes me sad too that we’re probably not going to see anything about it in the TROS movie because it hasn’t been mentioned in TFA or TLJ outside the books *sigh*

But well, if the TLJ novels adressed this when the TFA and TLJ movies didn’t, I think there’s a high chance that the TROS novelizations will do, too

[growingingreenwood]

So basically the reason I’m feeling so alone is because I’m nonbinary and I’m out to my friends and they’re really supportive and that’s really nice but I’m not out to my parents because they’re transphobic and lately I’ve just been really dysphoric and every time I hear them use my dead name or incorrect pronouns it just feels like a bullet in my side and I want so badly to be out to them so that I can get a binder and wear clothes that are comfortable for me and use my real name -🏳️‍🌈 (1/2)

another thing that’s bothering me is I’m out to my parents as a lesbian and I have lesbian pride stuff but what if nonbinary lesbian isn’t valid and I have to reinvent my identity? And I’m not out to my best friend because he’s super sheltered and only just recently started to learn that lgbtq+ isn’t bad and I know he’ll support me but I’m worried about losing his parents’ support because they’re like my second set of parents and I love them and I don’t want to have them disown me -🏳️‍🌈 (2/2So this is an add on to my 2 part (now three part) ask. I think my dad might actually be the only one of my parents that’s transphobic. I’m worried that I’m going to tear their marriage apart by being who I am (3/2) -🏳️‍🌈

--I tried to put in a read more link. Didnt work--

Hello my love, I want to firstly apologize for the late response to these questions. I was wary of trying to answer them on my own without any personal experience with this particular situation, because I know how important this situation is important to you. I had reached out to a friend with personal experience but have not heard back about their contribution. So I will answer with the info I have gathered in my psyc classes/ research I've done the past few days/ and helping friends through similar situations. 

I am obviously, by no means an expert, and anybody is welcome to add their KIND, RESPECTFUL, SUPPORTIVE, and HELPFUL advice or stories as well. 

I’ll start with your best friend: 

When I came out as Asexual (I’m acutally Demi-sexual but I didn’t know that yet) to my best friend at the time, I started by sort of… expressing that I felt my current identity wasn’t fitting quite right for me. It felt like something was off with the way I was trying to live my life and be me, I just didn’t know what it was yet. I explained my feelings to her the best I could without applying labels (I was SOOOO stressed because she has a super high sexdrive and works at an adult toy store and all that so yeah) 

So I explained to her that I just didn’t understand what books/songs/ and movies were referring to when they talked about this “sexual attraction you literally cannot resist) because the concept is literally absurd to me. She asked about all of my favriote celebreities and if I would have sex with them or not, and I told her that the thought for real disgusted me. I explained that I had literally never once at any random human and even thought about kissing them, or having them in my space in any romantic way at all. 

A few days later I cam back to her and told her about some research that I had done, and that I had found something that I thought might fit me better. I brought a little quote somebody had written online about how they felt as an Asexual to help those who were questioning themselves help to figure it out. And I pointed out all the places we felt the same. I told her how much better it made me feel to have this label, this one that finally fit because it stopped the thoughts that there was something wrong with me. 

Your best freinds is new to the community, so maybe start by telling him about a really beautiful story about an individual who discovered their Non-binaryr identity and how wonderfully it touched their lives. How it helped to heal their lives. Explain in a greater detail what it means to be Non-binary. Give him a chance to adjust to the idea of the identity, while you continue to talk about it positively. 

Then when you do come out to him, just remember how much he loves you. It might be helpful to ask him at the start of the conversation to not interrupt you or ask questions until you’re done talking or explaining the situation. Another tactic that I often use for really difficult news, is to write it all in a letter and go sit in another room while they read it. This way, you have the freedom to write and rewrite the letter however many times that you want until it sounds how you want it to. In this discussion, you could ask him not to tell his paretns until you are ready for more people to know. Remind him that you’re telling him this because he is your best friend, and you need his support and love now more than ever. Perhapes ask him to do some research on his own before he really decides anything.  

For your parents: 

Coming out to your parents is…… literally so scary. And there is really never a food time in which to do it. Having to live while keeping this secret from them can be so hard, I understand that so much. But your safety is also the #1 priority right now. 

If it is not safe for you to do so, now might be the time unless you can set up arrangements to stay somewhere else for an extended period of time. You are a beautiful person, and the world needs you here, safe, and full of love still. So please, be careful. 

To start, perhaps ask them to use a nickname instead? Perhaps say that friends at school gave it to you or something, and it makes you really happy to hear it. Or that you’ve recently met somebody with the same name as you that you STRONGLY dislike and don’t want to ‘share’ the name with them. Is there any way to start to slowly transition your clothing? 

For example: If your usual style right now is something like yoga pants maybe swap that for a pair of jeans that aren't super form fitting. Instead of getting a binder right away, invest in some really high quality sports bras. It isn’t the exact same effect, but it might help in the meantime and is much safer than using things like tensor bandages. 

If they question this change in dress, perhapes tell them that this is the new style at your school. Or a new trend started by your favorite celebrity. Tell them you’re bored of your old look and wanted something new for a change. Perhaps if you make the changes ‘slowly’ per say it won’t be as jarring to them. 

If you still decide this is a good and appropriate time for you to come out to your parents, it might be a good idea to have the discussion with your mother first. If you think that only your dad is homophobic/transphobic. That way it will be less likely that you will be interrupted during your heartfelt explanations, and your mom should (theoretically) be more open to the idea. It might help you figure out the best ways to tell your dad, but also you’ll have an ‘ally’ of sorts when it happens too. 

More care should be taken into your information and resources, I think, when you tell them. Such as printing out a sheet of websites to help parents to ‘cope’ with their child telling them of their new non-binrary identity. If you want, you can even find the one you connect with most and print it, give that to them on paper with links listed after it. 

Statistics might be nice, like having how many non-binaryr or genderfluid people live in the same city/ state / country as you so that it does not seem so uncommon for them. 

Here is a sample sentence to get things started for you:

“Even though you may see me as a woman, on the inside, I am not a woman and I am not a man. I’ve been using the word ‘genderqueer’ or ‘non-binary’ to describe my gender, which means that I don’t identify with either. If you placed me on a spectrum, with ‘masculine’ being at one end and ‘feminine’ being at the other, I’m somewhere in-between. Identifying as genderqueer has made me feel so much better because being seen as a woman or a male made me feel so distressed and unhappy. Like I was forced into a box at birth that nobody would let me out of it”

Analogies might also be helpful, as it can help frame this new information to them into a more familiar manner. Like this: “Imagine if someone just assumed that you liked ketchup on your hotdogs without even asking you. For your entire life, they refused to put anything on your hotdogs but ketchup – even though you know, deep down, you like relish.

Finally, you decide to come out and say that you like relish. But every time you ask for relish, people say to you, “If you don’t like ketchup, you must like mustard. There are only two options.There are obviously more than two ways to eat a hotdog, just like there are more than two ways to express and explore gender, but society seems fixated on hotdogs with ketchup or mustard – and nothing else.

Similarly, society seems to think there are only two valid options when it comes to gender – man or woman – when there are actually lots of other ways to embody gender, and even ways of having no gender at all.” 

A good strategy for serious conversation is to use a lot of “I felt” or “I feel” statements. That way, you are still expressing yourself and your feelings while also not making them feel like you are attacking them directly or anything. For example, a good sentence might be to say: “

I feel afraid that if you knew who I really was, that I would lose you,” or “I have been feeling very alone lately, and I’m hopeful that now I won’t be.” 

Lastly, I would suggest being prepared to tell everybody but especially your parents exactly what you need from them in this situation. You may be familiar with all of this terminology and stuff but they arn’t. This is alien territory to them, help them help you by making the things you require them to do or change as clears as possible. Maybe write down a list. 

Stop using my dead name. (Maybe work together on a good nickname with them to use instead? When my friend transitioned from FTM, when he legally changed his name he went with “Emmet” instead of “August” like he wanted, so that his mother could still call him “Em” which had been his nickname since childhood, as he was born with the name ‘Emily.” This might help your parents feel like they still have ‘their’ child still.\

I need to change the way that I am dressing, because it makes me feel very uncomfortable and self consciousness. 

And whatever else you might need form them. 

My beautiful little bean, if you come out to your parents and one of them wants to support you, and one of them doesn't and it ends up breaking them up, I’m certain that they had differences fundamental enough that its probably for the best. And if they didn’t have fundamental differences, they do now. 

One of them took the fundamental concept of parenthood seriously and one didn't: The concept of loving and supporting your child for as long as you’re around on the earth to do so. 

I don’t really think the difference could possibly be more fundamental. 

Sometimes, it takes people a while to get used to the idea. If they react negatively now, they might still change their minds the more they think it over / see how much it means to you. Some people (like my own mom) H A T E change. Hate it. And their first response is always to go on the defensive without thinking. I think you all will have to remind yourselves and eschither to have patients with this.

Remember: Your worth as a human can never change, no matter how much it may feel like it can. You are starting your journey to find the home and the body that you were made to find, its scary, so so so scary. So take your time, enjoy your path. Take deep breaths. Others will ALWAYS love you for the divine creation that you are. The worlds is always ready for you to meet the next ones to love you.

I hope this has helped a little bit at least. I love you. 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

[tetrakys]

About Ikemen Vampire...

I finally got around to do the Ikemen Vampire first impressions post no one asked for, but I said I would do.

I’ve had the app on my phone for a while now, I mostly login and do the minigame to pile up on points and diamonds, but I’ve also played the butler event and a few chapters of Napoleon’s route.

FYI I only red a couple of spoilers on one route, so I’m jumping into this completely blind. Here we go.

The Premise:

A bunch of famous men from history turned vampires all living in the same mansion during a specific time in the past. On one side this is kinda interesting, on the other I know too much about many of these people (including their real aspect) to not face-palm every time I read their names, that’s why it took me so long to start this game. I knew it would need some getting used to it, and I have to admit I still find it strange at times. But well...

MC is, at least for now, the typical japanese otome game MC, so nothing exciting here, but maybe she will get gutsier moving forward? One can only hope. At least I like her love for travelling and she seems to know several languages.

Anyway if I’d been in her place, spending one month in the past with all these famous historical figures around, like hell I would’ve accepted to be a maid. I would’ve spent the whole time exploring and interviewing, I would’ve cut a deal with Le Comte, I’m sure he would’ve said yes. 

Anyway, let’s get to the guys, knowing that I’m an otome hoe and of course the plan is to get with all them (except maybe one). Team harem always for the win.

Ei fu.   Siccome immobile, Dato il mortal sospiro, Stette la spoglia immemore Orba di tanto spiro, Così percossa, attonita5 La terra al nunzio sta, ...

99% of the people reading won’t know what this is about. It’s one of the most important italian poems ever, it was written to celebrate Napoleon Bonaparte, it’s called Il Cinque Maggio (the date of Napoleon’s death... or in this case... resurrection as a vampire?). It’s huge, 108 verses, and I had to learn the whole thing by memory in school. It was so painful that it stuck with me to this day. That’s why I have a sort of love/hate relationship with the man.

But I decided to start with him for two reasons: I find this version of him hot and mysterious and I know his sexy scene is free so... who am I to turn down sexy times for free??

His back story of being half human half vampire is interesting and I am curious to see where this is going. I’m also curios to see how much cybird is sticking to history because the emperor had an interesting life to say the least. Including two wives, which I don’t want to think about because I am extremely jealous of all my otome boyfriends so I hope they are going to ignore this detail.

Yeah... no... this is so wrong... the guy died in exile in St Elena after failing to get his power back, speculations say that maybe he was even poisoned. It wasn’t a peaceful death and definitely he had regrets. 

I feel like I am putting too much thought into this and I should take the game as if these are just random people.

Anyway, Napoleon the character has a really pretty design, I love his eyes and his mysterious aura, and he looks like the honorable knight type. I hope he has also a kinky side because that’s how I roll and too good is not exactly my thing. He said he’s not attracted to MC pfff.... bullshit of course. We’ll see.

I don’t have much to say about Mozart because I’ve seen very little of him. I like his design, he seems to be the cold and slightly asshole type which I generally like, but too cold could put me off. If they’re going for any realism at all there could maybe be some daddy issues in his route?

This was the route that originally interested me the most because Leonardo was a genius and he’s the closest to home. Let’s ignore the fact that people keep using Da Vinci as if it was his surname WHICH IS NOT ,“da” means “from” and “Vinci” is a town, Leonardo from Vinci, he didn’t have a surname because he was a natural son. But other than that, there are two main points that make me consider skipping his route altogether. 

First of all, this is the only spoiler I have about the game, I know this story is sad whatever the ending, and I don’t do sad in my escapism. I only want happy endings, people may not agree but that’s my personal philosophy for playing these games.

Second, that “cara mia” triggers my rage every time I read it. As I explained in another post, “cara mia” is paternalistic and kinda offensive, “mia cara” is the sweet, caring one. The writers picked the wrong one and it’s soooo annoying to read. Especially because he repeats it quite a lot.

So, I’m not 100% sure yet, but this might be the first time in my history as an otome-player that I skip a route.

This. Adorable. Rascal. He might be the second route I play after Napoleon because I can’t wait to banter with this guy (if MC’s personality allows it). 

He seems as smart as his real counter-part and I like it.

I find a little annoying that he speaks like someone pretending to be British, it seems like the writers tried too hard, but what he says is kinda hilarious and I want him to (try to) bite me 👀

I assume they didn’t go completely with the realistic route here, otherwise Vincent should be a little coo coo, but the guy was sensitive and fragile and it seems that this was somehow preserved in the character. He has both ears though, so he probably isn’t completely suicidal. 

However he seems the totally sugary sweet type which is really not my thing. But I also heard he has one of the hottest sexy scenes in the game so colour me intrigued 👀

THIS! This is my man! I don’t know why I always fall for the tsundere, it’s not like I’m a masochist and like to be mistreated, but I like the bantering and I hope that MC is going to be cool enough to allow me to reply to him in tone. I really want to fight with him! 👀

Also, he’s sexy, and the fact that I know absolutely nothing about him, helps me not feeling annoyed by whatever it has been done to the character. 

I don’t know what to expect from his route. Does he have a brother complex? Is he jealous because his brother is a genius and he was a simple merchant? Why were they both turned? So many questions. Give me this beautiful asshole’s route soon cybird!

I know nothing about him too, but there’s something in him that irks me. He has a sort of paternalistic attitude, too many compliments, too polite... Also, that kimono has a strange fit.

On the positive side he seems protective and I like his quirkiness, so we’ll see.

Newton is the one that, together with Leonardo, interested me the most for pure principle. And, in this case, I am quite satisfied. I like his aesthetics and personality-wise he seems similar to Mozart, quiet, distant type. We’ll see.

I keep wondering why they turned a female character male, they could’ve added a wlw route. Anyway, I won’t complain because look-wise I like him the most out of everyone. The eye patch intrigues me, I like his style and I find him really beautiful. I know though that his route is the least sexy and that’s a bummer. I am curious about him and his route and wonder if he also hears voices in his head.

In this case I’m pretty sure we’re far away from the real person. William the character is the yandere of the group and even the other vampires seem a little preoccupied by him. I wonder if his route is maybe a little dangerous, I’m intrigued.

Mmm... I know I’m going to attract the disappointment of his many fans but I don’t like Saint-Germain. He’s handsome yes, but the one thing I hate in LIs is fakeness and duplicity, and I feel it with every bone in my body this guy is a liar. He emanates the same vibes as Lucien and Leiftan. There’s so much you’re hiding Comte, and you don’t fool me one bit! Also, his colour palette is too yellow for my tastes.

Sebastian is just boring to me. I don’t know.... he looks and sounds so plain. I hope there is some big mystery behind and that he will show more personality because at the moment he’s just meh. Also he can’t be just a simple, unknown human there must be something else (I hope).

So, currently, the characters who interest me are: Theo, Arthur, Isaac, Napoleon, Jean, William, Wolfgang 

While Vincent, Sebastian, Dazai, Leonardo and Comte all follow at the back of the queue.

Let’s see after a couple of months of playing if my opinions change.

And btw I’ve seen the three new vampires and they look so much cooler than all the main ones combined! I can’t wait for their routes to come out.

[headoverjojo]

Hey Tri :3 ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ You know what? I really need to know the continuum of Risotto’s Secret Garden, sono debole 😂 soooo... is Granny Tosca the Don of an enemy group? Will Prosci really kill his beloved nephew? Will Risotto cry? I need the DRAMA 💚

Esteeeeeeeee ⊂(･ω･*⊂) A H, I loved it so much 💖 And I fear you’ll throw at me many boots after reading this aaaaaa gomenasaiiiiiiiii 😂 It’s a bit looong, but I hope you’ll like it! :3

Here’s the first part!

Risotto’s secret garden: second part

(Under the cut for length!)

After that day, Risotto talked even lesser than usual. Prosciutto wasn’t around, busy with his mission, and no one dared to ask him what was in his mind. No one aside Gelato and Sorbetto, the only ones, with Prosciutto, who knew how to deal with Risotto when he was in an awful mood.

“Hey, novellino.” Sorbetto greeted, entering his office without knocking. Just he and Gelato had the right to call the way taller and buffer man “novellino”, rookie, as they had been his mentors and, by now, it was more an affectionate nickname than anything else. Risotto, instead of huffing, as he always did when he was called so, just glared at the older man, silent. Sorbetto sighed, sitting on one of the chairs in front of his Capo’s desk, looking at him for a while, in a calm and patient silence. Risotto, after a little, went back to ignore him and scribble on his papers, hoping that, seeing that he didn’t want to talk, he would have gone on his merry way.

Alas, Sorbetto knew better. He knew how to deal with his pupil, he knew that he needed time. And, lucky -or unlucky- for him, Sorbetto, when he wanted, was a really patient man, as Gelato could confirm.

As he had predicted, after a while, Risotto put down the pen, lifting his gaze on his mentor. His eyebrow was twitching, Sorbetto noticed, before looking again without fear in his red eyes. He never was scared by his almost demoniac appearance nor that he could use Metallica on him. Sorbetto knew Risotto wouldn’t ever have done it.

“So, Risotto? Ready to spit it out?” he asked, crossing his leg. Risotto grumbled and Sorbetto had to chew back a smile. It was like having to deal with a Risotto barely come out from puberty and not his feared and mature Capo, sometimes…

“I’ve nothing to spit out.” at his words, Sorbetto rolled his eyes, What was he thinking, that he was stupid or what?

“Sorry to contradict you, but even an idiot would notice that there’s been something wrong with you, in the last days. It’s about Prosciutto’s mission?” Sorbetto’s black eyes sharpened, seeing the slightest unpleasant twitch in Risotto’s mouth. Ah, so it was so…

“C’mon, novellino. You know you can rely on us.” his voice was slightly gentler, as it was something that evidently was bothering Risotto really a lot. And the things that bothered Risotto to this extent were really, really few and usually really serious.

Risotto sighed, heavily leaning on the back of his chair, closing his eyes for a little while. Why was it so difficult… but Sorbetto was right. He was letting this thing to chew him from inside and how could he lead his group, in such conditions? Maybe talking about it would have helped him for real. And Sorbetto was a discreet man, he was sure that not even a syllable would have left the office.

And so, the Capo told everything. From his first meeting with Tosca, to the warm affection he felt for the lively grandma, how he loved her as she was really his grandma, how she and the group of old ladies grew to be so important to him… and, then, he told him about Tosca’s grandson and that he was the target assigned for that mission.

Sorbetto stayed quiet and silent for a while, absorbing Risotto’s words. Now he was understanding… a really horrible situation indeed. Fate could be really a bitch, uh?

“What do you think to do, when Prosciutto will be back? Avoiding Tosca at all?” he asked, finally breaking the silence. Risotto sighed, looking at him, tired as Sorbetto rarely had seen him. This situation really was a heavy burden for him…

“I don’t know. Her grandson will be surely dead by now and this was a target related to a rival gang. I don’t even know if Tosca suspects this… how would you react knowing that your just dead grandson was a gangster while you were thinking he was a good boy? The shock could even kill her. And… and I can’t let her know that her grandson died because of me, that it was my fault.” he answered, grimacing. He could bear anything, but not the hate of the few people he loved, such as his team and, now, Tosca. Sorbetto slowly nodded, thoughtful, swinging a little his foot, as he always did when he was lost in his thoughts.

“But it’s not your fault, Risotto. We are just executors. And no,- he said, lifting a hand, blocking Risotto’s protests before he could even speak- we can’t just not execute Boss’ orders. You perfectly know that doing it would mean certain death for insubordination, so it’s not something negotiable. It has been a simple and terrible casualty, nothing more. And, in my opinion, right now what Tosca may need more is a friendly presence near her, in a so hard moment. Having you near may help her to face the mourning and get over it quicker than if she was alone.” the man pondered, in a quiet voice. Risotto listened in silence, sighing, after a while. Well… Sorbetto was right. As almost always, in the end; he was his mentor for a reason, all in all. Taking another deep breath, he nodded, earning a small from the usually serious man, before Gelato, after knocking, peeked inside, announcing Prosciutto’s return. Risotto’s heart sank again, knowing what this meant.

It was time.

**

Two days after Prosciutto’s return and after reading again and again his detailed report, Risotto found the strength to go again to the park. His teammate’s report didn’t leave space to doubts: Tosca’s grandson was dead. At least, as he demanded him, Prosciutto ended his life quickly and painlessly. An incredible small comfort, but better than nothing.

It seemed like time was submerged in a molasses jar. Every step was heavy and difficult, as guilt was burdening his heart. To be fair, he didn’t really think he would have found Tosca at the park, not after such a news. He had to change his mind when he saw, on her usual bench, Tosca. She was sitting on the edge, all flopped on herself, as a heavy rock was standing on her shoulders. Risotto’s heart clenched painfully, seeing her like this. It was like he was feeling her pain, it was like feeling the same pain he felt after his cousin’s sudden death. It was so heavy and overwhelming that he was feeling like he was suffocating.

Tosca lifted her head a bit, hearing Risotto approaching. A small, sad and grieving smile bent her lips, making Risotto’s heart even heavier. How much he would have given to not see her like this…

She lightly patted the spot near her, as she always did, and Risotto sat near her, silent. The clear blue sky was slightly covered by white, fluffy clouds that, when they passed in front of the sun, casted the park in a fresh shadow. The birds were chirping, the wind was gently ruffling the leaves, as always. It seemed like everything was as the same, as nothing bad just happened and Tosca, in a moment, would have asked him to hold the skein while she separated the threads… but both of them knew that that day wasn’t like others.

That was a day of mourn and gloom. And that day was time to throw away all the masks.

“I’ve heard about your grandson. I’m sorry, Tosca.” Risotto murmured, finally finding again his voice. How curious, he absentmindedly thought, that he had no problems to face the worst criminals of all Italy on daily basis, following his Boss’ orders, but now… this was the most difficult thing he had ever done, staying near to this old woman grieving for her grandson. He felt like he was dying as well.

“Thank you. But, you know… I was expecting it, soon or later. He too. With the life he had…” she trailed off, sighing. Risotto frowned, hearing those words. What…? She knew, so? And she was so tranquil knowing it?

Seeing the confusion on his face, Tosca smiled again, still sad, even tired. For the first time, Risotto saw on her all the years she truly had, the old lady hidden under her usual gleeful attitude.

“Are you asking yourself how I knew about it, hm? I know a lot of things, Risotto Nero…” Risotto froze, hearing her calling him with his full name. He… never told her his surname. How could she…?

“It’s time for you to know, my dear… but please, don’t let it make you forget the splendid friendship we have, ok?” she said in a hopeful tone. Risotto sighed, nodding, even if still wary. He couldn’t deny her this, after taking from her her grandson. In any case… in the worst case, he would have been ready with Metallica. But just as very last option.

“I know what my grandson did for living ‘cause I was the one who gave him orders, my dear.” she explained, quiet, looking ahead. Risotto, for the second time in few minutes, froze again, completely taken aback. No, wait… this meant that she…? No, it couldn’t be. He couldn’t believe it…

“As you have understood, by now, I’m indeed the Boss of the gang your Boss want to eradicate. Or, better, to absorb, as a big company does with smaller ones, eliminating who opposite to this.” she said, quietly, folding her hands on her lap. Risotto stayed silent, to give her time to explain properly. He didn’t know how he was feeling… so many upsetting news all together. He needed a bit to elaborate it all.

“My grandson was a fierce opponent of this fusion and he payed for this. I am against it too… so I guess that soon or later my turn will come, uh?” another sad smile bent her lips, as she watched Risotto. As she did many times before, she gently patted his hand, squinting at him, making Risotto’s heart hurt even more. Even with her glasses, Tosca’s eyesight was pretty poor, but she always joked about that…

“I’d like you to take the mission on you, when your Boss will give it to your team. I know it’s… a hard request… but please, my dear. You’re the only one I can trust to do this. I know you’ll be… as merciful as possible.” every word seemed to plant a red-hot blade in his heart. He lowered his head, gritting his teeth. How could she ask him, among all people, something like this…? How could she ask him to kill her, the person he considered, by now, his grandma? Did she really think he would have been able to kill her?

Would he be able to do it, all in all…?

Yes, he thought, after a while. He would have been able. Even if only to give her the most merciful and fastest death she could hope to have.

He had to be the one to kill her right because he loved her so much. He owed her it. He owed her a fast and dignified death, as she deserved. If the Boss would have sent Cioccolata and Secco, she would have suffered unbearable hours of pure pain, before finally meeting the sweet release of death. He couldn’t allow it to happen.

For her and all the love and happiness she gave him in those months, he had to overcome his pain and do it. This was her last desire: he had to fulfill it.

“I don’t want to do it.” he said, anyway, quiet. Tosca smiled again, brushing his cheek with her knuckles, as she always did, understanding what he really meant.

“I know, my dear, I know. But you have to. I know how things work, in your organization… if you don’t do exactly like the Boss says, he gets ridden of you. Risotto… you’re still so young, you have many years in front of you. Who knows, maybe one day someone will dethrone your Boss and a new era will start. You have so much time to live… you have time to even find a person you could love with all your heart. You have time to have a family. I have lived many happy years… I’m an old lady, Risotto. I’m tired. But I want to go with the same dignity as I have lived with.” Tosca replied, with a soft voice. Risotto’s lips quivered, as he was trying with all his might to hold back a sob, even if his eyes were dry as a desert. In order to not betray himself, he just nodded at her words, earning a slightly brighter smile from the old woman.

“Thank you, my dear.” she said, before getting up and, as she always did, kissing his cheek in that way that kids hated but that, instead, Risotto found so reassuring. Then, she left, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

He got up just when dusk was falling and slowly come back to the HQ. No one dared to talk to him or ask what he had done all the time he had been out, not even Ghiaccio, who was never scared to speak up, surely tamed by one of Gelato’s famous glares. Risotto, on his own, didn’t say a word and just closed himself in his office, sighing. He felt… empty. So empty, so tired…

He sat down, sighing again and closing his eyes. How much he wished this all to be just a bad dream…

A ping from the laptop broke his thoughts. Risotto opened his eyes, checking the mails, paling a little when he saw it was from the Boss. The Boss usually contacted him just for one reason…

His hand was slightly trembling, when he moved the mouse to open the mail. His heart broke and his eyes stung for tears never shed, when he read the message.

“Next target: Tosca Verdi.”

[eternallyitson]

I haven’t posted anything in a long time, I’ve just been too unhappy to care about posting stuff. But I just saw It: Chapter 2 a few hours ago, and I gotta get some of this off my chest because it’s bugging the hell outta me.

***SPOILER FREE***

First off let me just say that I’m not one of these new bandwagon fans. I’m an actual fan of the book. I got to know the book before anything. And after the book, I watched the original It film (technically a miniseries). And that was all before the 2017 film even came out. On top of that, I’m an avid fan of The Dark Tower and the Stephen King universe in general, and anyone who knows the books knows that they all cross paths and connect to each other. My favorite book of all time is Insomnia, which some people think of as a spiritual sequel to It. I don’t, but I understand why some do. It takes place in Derry less than 10 years after It, some of the events in It are referenced, and Mike Hanlon from It is even a minor character in Insomnia. I say all of that to say that all my opinions on the new It are coming from someone who’s a legitimate fan. And I don’t consider myself to be a picky, disgruntled fan.

So the book vs the miniseries vs the 2017 & 2019 films — Obviously the book is the best, that’s almost always the case when a film adaptation of a novel comes out. If you have never read the book, but you like the movie, I would suggest reading the book. The story goes so much deeper than what it shows in the film. — The miniseries... It’s considered a classic, and it’s okay but for me personally it’s kinda eh. It’s lukewarm at best. It’s closer to the book than the new movies are, and it contains much more of the book’s contents than the new movies do. But the problem with the miniseries is that it tells the story is such an asinine way. And even though they do include many things from the book, the way they are included is so graceless and ham-fisted. But it’s also got a little bit of a distinct vibe and atmosphere, with the music/soundtrack and everything which is kinda cool I think. — And that leads me to the new movies. As I said, the miniseries is a little closer to the book than the new ones are, BUT despite that and with all things considered, I think the 2017 It movie is better than the 1990 It miniseries. With the 2017 It, it screwed some things up, but it still managed to do a pretty good job capturing the feeling. I think the miniseries missed a little bit of that. I don’t want to call it stiff, but it was kinda phoned in as far as the relationships go. And the 2017 one felt a little more real. That’s why I say don’t consider myself to be picky, disgruntled fan. The 2017 may have got things wrong, and in a couple of instances it was enough to annoy me, but as a whole I did indeed enjoy it. And I did watch it multiple times after that.

But with It: Chapter 2, they really messed up a lot of shit about the story. This is not a spoiler because it’s something they talk about pretty early on in the film, but almost everything surrounding the ritual of Chüd is changed. In the movie Mike tells them about how he visited a Native American tribe and they showed this to him, and just all of that stuff... I mean first off as someone who Native American myself, it annoyed me to watch that whole angle. Second, that’s soooo different than how it goes in the book. They do that on their own, as kids, and Mike isn’t the only one to see it. I don’t like the way they have the rest of the group continuously gang up on Mike and call him a liar through out the movie. They way they kept treating him overall was very uncharacteristic. But that’s beside the point. Anyway, that object he has in the movie just does not exist in the book. 90% of the way that aspect was portrayed in the movie is incorrect.

I don’t understand why the Chapter 2 even bothers to show the Loser’s clubhouse and all that. One of my biggest issues with Chapter 1 was how they completely excluded The Barrens. Except for their rock fight, The Barrens wasn’t even in the film. Which pissed me off because it is arguably the most important, and most crucial location in the entire story of It. Not that damn house on Neibolt St. That house is a significant location in the book, yes. But it’s not the sort of end all, be all it is in the movie. They only go there as a whole group one time. ALL of that was stuff that should have happened in The Barrens. And their clubhouse was sort of a big thing for them. There’s a whole section of the story dedicated to how they built it. So I was pissed they left The Barrens out of Chapter One, but completely thrown off about why they decided to make the clubhouse a thing for Chapter Two. Like we are supposed to believe they built it AFTER they defeated Pennywise??? No. They build it before way before that even happens. And I should even say “they” because in the movie they pass it along as something Ben built himself.

The last (I would say) third of the movie was all wrong completely. Or almost completely. I think there was 2 details in the final act of the movie that were right, and 1 detail that was partially right, and all the rest was wrong. In some ways, some of what you see in the final act of Chapter 2 is almost the complete opposite of what happens in the book. As I said, this is going to be spoiler free because that wouldn’t be cool of me to ruin it for people who haven’t seen it. Although, if there’s anybody who sees the new It: Chapter 2 and not read the book, and you want to know what is incorrect about the ending, shoot me a message or something and I can tell you what is wrong in the ending, and what is actually the complete opposite.

So it was pretty frustrating for me to watch. Overall, this is how I would order them all: The novel>the 2017 film>the 1990 miniseries>the 2019 film