#I'd like to stop having anger issues this would probably help. It's not even anger issues proper cause it doesn't really. Present like that.

[ranvwoop]

i am going to be so vulnerable in public for just a second. literally just for lack of therapy and for the love of psuedoanonymity except. it isn't really

[nor-4]

Daemon and Reader as Catherine punishing Peter scene.

"Ah, I wanted to talk to you.." Daemon startledly said as you burst the door open as you walk nearly run infront of him with anger, "I want you to meet the pups I stole" He happily said pointing at the dogs that he recently stole from somewhere in the street.

He opened his mouth to talk again but was cut off by you slapping him enough to make his head move, "This is my court and my rules." You said loud enough for the words to echo around the room.

"I-"

"You fucking killed my guard again didn't you?" You accused him looking at him with fierce he have seen for many times but it still makes him shaken for some reason and horny. "I did. And felt bad about it." Daemon gulped as if he really meant what he said.

"This random violence is not the way of my court." You lowered your voice a bit into normal but the anger didn't leave your tone, "He called me dickhead."

"That is your answer?" You asked him thinking about how stupid it does sound, sometimes you will laugh at his jokes and actions like this. But the fun is dead when he is about to get exiled again if you didn't do a good convincing with viserys for him to stay and give another chance. "I killed a man because he called me dickhead?" You mocked his words into his face.

"Do you hear how that sounds?" You asked once again but it seems like he is not paying attention nor care for the consequences of his actions, "Sounds perfectly logical." He answered which angers you more than you will ever be.

"Violence is not the answer to everything."

"It is a language that everyone understands. You will not get far if you do not come to terms with that." Daemon tried to reason what he did which is your last straw, "Fine. Guards." You called turning your back at daemon just to face the door as you saw ser harwin and ser criston enter the door.

"Beat the fuck out of him." You ordered after facing daemon again, "Funny. You're a witty creature. At times. The point is so slight, one almost does not." Daemon tried joking as the guards starting to walk near him as he turn at the guards stopping from his yapping, "What the fuck are you two doing?"

That's the last words he said before a punch was deliver direct to his stomach, he is near to be called kinslayer but let's not lie he still can't take punches. He only wins a fight when he punch the living demon out of a person without even them getting to touch him.

He was thrown at the floor as the guards starting to stomp him same reasons for aemond and Aegon who are also in the room to stand up but helaena who are in the same room as them just stayed on her seat and drink her tea in silence, she does know how woman's anger can be and truly understands yours. They do hate daemon with the every hair in their skin but that doesn't mean they wouldn't care for him who just got beat up over a petty fight.

"Hey!" Aegon tried to intervene just to get shut down, "Help and you will be shocked. My husband and I are busy discussing an issue." You explained before turning your back at them as they just sat down learning not to also face your anger.

You decide it's probably the time to stop this as you walked near him and bow down just for him to hear your point, "Can you hear me now?" You mocked him.

"Fucking hell." Aegon said in shock with mouth agape, he is a bit thankful that he is betrothed with helaena even though he have fantasies you many times. "Enough." You said after hearing a husky grunts from him, the guards immediately stopped and walked behind you leaving daemon who just curled up.

"All of you, out!" You said as they hurriedly left the room, "What the fuck?" Daemon said standing up to his feet. "Yeah if that had actually hurt. I'd be quite angry right now." He said with wide eyes trying to catch his breath from earlier.

"Is that how you wish me to make my point?" You asked him again discussing your point since he never learn from a simple word, "I said I wasn't proud of it. Clearly it would be better I had not." he reasons once again.

"For you I will try to be better next time. Now I would like to go truffle hunting with my new dog." he said pointing at the dogs again as if he is not beaten, "No." You disagree on him.

"Do not be a bitch. You kicked me and made your point. I've taken it graciously. The difference between lovers." he joked as if anything would be better, "We are not lovers. We will never be lovers. You are bloodthirsty thug, and I wish I had killed you when I had the chance." You spight at him. Daemon already knows that feeding your anger will be worse, he hates how lower you can get when he says something. It can be a joke or not but he knows that everything you say when you are angry is not something serious because arguing with each other is your hobby, for some reason.

"Guards. Grab his dogs." You walked away from him as the guards hurriedly get the dog before daemon do. "Lock him in." You ordered as all of you raced to leave the room as ser criston was the one to leave to fastly shut the door at demon's face.

[cenorii]

Indifference and Excella

Today I'd like to talk about an issue like indifference and its consequences. But we won't talk about whether it's bad or not, I just want to discuss how Excella's indifference changed the history of all the following games.

Excella had known Wesker since about 2003, but had been directly close to him since about 2006, when she gained control of Tricell Inc. From 2006 to 2009, she was close to him, through which she began to experience romantic feelings that blinded her critical thinking. But even without the crush, she was indifferent to what kind of person he was, and that probably always annoyed him in people (Wesker's second report states how he hates people who elevate others only for their background and not for their personal accomplishments. Excella exalted Wesker perhaps not even for his research but for his looks, that is, she did not read between the lines at all and did not pay attention to who was actually standing in front of her).

Being indifferent to his personality, she did not notice at all, so unstable man was next to her. The object of her lust had a huge bouquet of psychological problems and inferiority complexes, which he hid behind a mask of calmness.

However, even this mask gave a crack in re5, you can tell by the animation of the sudden outburst of anger.

gif by

But while in re5 he's angry because his plan is slowly falling apart, in the Lost in Nightmares DLC, it's much deeper than that...

He just learned the truth about his life, and his anger is probably directed at that fact. He's angry at the truth and the fact that his past continues to haunt him (Chris and Jill). His past in the form of Umbrella, who he ran away from, has also caught up with him again, turning out to be the truth he had to face. Because of his pretense and “calm” image, he never learned to deal with his emotions, and I'm surprised that Excella never noticed it, since he must have been angry when the cockroaches mutated on his ship.

Based on all of this, Excella hasn't been paying attention to the fact that the person next to her isn't what she thinks he is. Chris is blind to Wesker's psychological problems too and he is clearly not the person who would suggest he go to a psychiatrist, but he, unlike Excella, has good reasons for this. For example, he's blinded by his resentment toward Wesker (for the mansion, for kidnapping Jill, and so on), he's also blinded by hatred. But Excella treated Wesker well, was directly next to him, and still missed the fact that everything in his character screams that he needs help.

Yes, if someone had offered him psychological help, he obviously wouldn't have liked it, but he would have realized anyway that someone had shown him attentiveness. He would have felt that someone cares about something much deeper in him than his external image, and maybe that would have made a difference.

Just imagine that ONE caring person could have changed the course of further history by showing of the right attention. Especially if this person had appeared long before re5, for example in 2006, when Wesker was the most psychologically unstable because he learned the truth from Spencer. Feeling that someone didn't just sympathize with him, but wanted to help him deal with an deep problem, perhaps he would have made other decisions in the future.

After all, in fact, Wesker is not so much interested in Uroboros and power, as in getting people from it who would be equal to him and consider him. His main problem is a sense of detachment, as if he is superfluous, different from everyone else as a white crow, and so he needs a society made up of white crows like him. He strives to stop feeling "different". And for the sake of this, he has made the mistaken decision to “make others like him”, because he considers "ordinary" people unworthy.

However, he turns a blind eye to the fact that all these people he considers unworthy have a chance to merge with Uroboros and become like him. So it's the same "unworthy" people, just in a different cover, you know? This is another fact that proves that he doesn't care what kind of people will become the Uroboros users, he wants that they just exist. It's important to him that there are people like him.

And if just ONE person in his past had shown genuine empathy for his personality, advising him to see a specialist, maybe the whole RE story would have gone differently. There would be no Jill kidnapping, no Uroboros, no biological weapons and the organizations responsible for them, because Wesker, based on his words, is disgusted by war and pestilence. There would be no reason for him to do all this and pursue his dream through the dirty ways. His dream are of a world without decadence, a utopia where there is no destruction. And biological weapons are precisely the tools of war, pestilence and destruction. If he had other goals, Wesker would have gone up against BOW, and knowing how well he was able to counter his competitors, the bioterrorists wouldn't stand a chance.

Let's not forget that Wesker developed many weapons against bioweapons, the blueprints for which were later found by Blue Umbrella ("Albert System Weapon"). So even being a bioterrorist involuntarily, he developed means against BOW, indirectly speaking out against his own work

Draw your own conclusions, I was just sharing my thoughts on indifference and how Excella's blind love contributed to the situation <3

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Delta anon here again and I have a wonderful angst idea

(Tw: violent lash outs, s/h)

So obviously, Delta and Beta have anger issues. This is a known thing among the fandom, due to him canonically being a hothead.

But due to the more recent headcanons about them being able to mask their emotions and fake it to the point of being able to hide their glow internally, what would they do when they can finally let it out?

I'd imagine they'd lash out at the nearest object or person. And God forbid Color or Epic try to stop them from lashing out - or even go near them in that state.

If one of them tried stopping them or touching them, then Delta, who is running on fighting instinct and adrenaline at this point, would lash out at them and probably harm them. Grabbing at them, punching them, accidentally burning them - they're not thinking at this point and just need something to attack.

(We really gotta invest in getting this man a punching bag that won't break on the first punch lmao)

Obviously, whichever one isn't being attacked at the moment immediately runs to help and at least get Delta far away enough so that they can get the other out of there. Delta doesn't even realize what he's done until a while after, probably after he's done destroying whatever room he's in.

Eventually, after he's calmed down, Delta would remember what they did and immediately get wrecked with guilt. Did I hurt them? How badly did I hurt them? What did I do? Why did I do that? Why did I hurt them? I didn't mean to, I didn't want to. Why did I do that?

Imagine the panic, not just from him, but from Beta as well. Will they leave us now? What if we hurt them so badly, that they hate us now? Do they still like us? Do they still want us around? What if they don't? Will they leave? What if they think we're too dangerous or violent to be around, and then they finally leave us?

The angst of them frantically wanting to apologize, horrified of what they've done, yet freezing up, unsure if Color and/or Epic even want to see them right now, much less be around them. Should we wait? Should we let things calm down for a little? But what if they think we meant to do it? Are they okay?

Now, this thought process would probably lead to a panic attack. And what makes it worse, is knowing that they're entirely alone, have no one to call for help, and might never have anyone again. Because all they can remember is that they hurt someone - they can't remember how badly they did. Oh stars, what if they killed them? What then? The only people who ever really cared about them, their best friends, and yet he hurt them. How could he? They must hate him, surely. How dangerous really was he? Are they really too dangerous to be around?

And when they finally get over the panic attack, probably multiple hours later, they're able to pull their shaking body off the floor they collapsed on and push the door open to go check on whoever they hurt. Afraid to find out, but afraid to not.

(And at this point, I'd also imagine that due to the intense emotions and the idea that the burn appears based on the intensity of his emotions, they'd most likely have hurt themselves by now. Purposefully burning themselves, genuinely believing that they deserved it after all the pain they put their friends through.)

Eventually, he'd be able to find them. I'd imagine he'd be anxiously peeking the door open, trying to subtly glance in the room without raising alarm, not wanting to scare or hurt them further but being too afraid to not check.

Would Delta/Beta allow themselves to be comforted, or would they immediately seek isolation after checking on them to make sure they're okay, out of the fear that they'll hate him and want nothing to do with him - so they take care of it themselves. Not to guilt trip them, but out of genuine concern and fear. He doesn't know if they want him around anymore, and are too afraid to ask and find out.

And if they did hurt themselves, would they allow themselves to be healed (reguardless of how serious the burn is) if Color and Epic found out, or would their insecurities and fear take hold and stop them from allowing anyone to help them, and also from reaching out? Would he force himself to endure the pain and refuse to heal himself, especially if it's a serious burn?

And when Color and Epic finally did find them (let's be real, they probably had to seek him out and hunt him down), do you think Delta would put the offer of hurting him in revenge up for them to take? Because surely, that's why they came here, aside from an apology. Wouldn't they want revenge against them for what they did? They deserve to be hurt and in pain for what they did, don't they?

(How horrified would Epic and Color be at this offer? How would they convince Delta/Beta otherwise?)

What do you think the aftermath would be, depending on who they hurt and how badly? How would they move on?

(Also if Killer caught word of Delta doing this, and Delta had accidentally hurt Color, would Killer go after him immediately while Delta is still in his rage? How bad would that fight get? How would it get stopped, if it did?)

Thoughts?

You know, this actually made me think of a scene similar to a fanfic i read. Where Killer hunts Delta down with intent to kill if he had hurt Color, only to come across Delta and Beta in a very not good state and feeling a sudden sense of deju vu, and before he knows it hes triggered into Stage 1 or like, gently “nudged” aside.

Someone crumpled and curled up, hurt and bleeding, alone and afraid and guilty after hurting someone they didn’t mean to or want to. Afraid to face the world and the consequences. Killer’s been there, even if the reasons for hurting people/loved ones are vastly different.

Perhaps this is the moment where they gain an understanding. Where Killer can take everything he’s learned from Color and therapy and his healing and his own experiences, and help someone else now.

Or perhaps Killer doesn’t switch into Stage 1 fully, but that eyelight glows in his right eye socket and hes uncomfortably aware that the sight is familiar. Which can be a jarring experience for Stage 2, not really known for such empathy, and the moment is very likely fleeting and he likely experiences something like emotional amnesia towards the moment later.

Maybe Killer decides to help Delta and Beta treat their wounds, which also gives them some time to pull themselves together before facing Epic and Color. If Delta and/or Beta tries to pull the “I hurt them, i don’t deserve it, you should be trying to kill me,” card, Killer reminds them of what Color always says: “It’s not about deserving. Do you want it?”

So would they want Killer’s help? If even Killer can offer this moment of what seems to be forgiveness, understanding, then Color and Epic definitely would. Do they want it?

[mylittlesecrethaven]

How Relationships With Them Would Be: Pt 3

Let's finish this off because this post series has taken a long time to finish.

(*sigh* never mind. This will be in 2 parts because it's longer than I thought it'd be.)

Cater:

I mean.... he might be ok? But he seems to have a lot of issues going on with himself, so I'm unsure if he'd even be ready for a relationship. It would probably be a pretty stable relationship, though. Although, if you're one of those "I need silence or I will go fucking insane." people, probably won't work out.

MC: *trying to zone out because they need it*

Cater: MC! YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT JUST HAPPENED!

MC: *still trying to enjoy the silence*

Cater: MC! COME ON COME ON!

MC: Can I have some peace for a moment?

Cater: But you'll miss it if you don't come!

Probably a pretty good boyfriend for certain personalities.

Ace:

Fuck no. Have you not read the wiki thing where it says he literally ghosted his gf? I get that was in middle school, but this mans literally runs from commitment and will probably bully you because he thinks it's teasing.

Ace: Seriously? That's the grade you got?

MC: I tried my hardest! I'm not from this world, remember?!

Ace: But Grim got a better grade than you. Grim! How dumb do you have to be?

MC: *either raging or crying*

(I may have based this off a fic I read)

I hope you're good at teasing his back, otherwise y'all will never get along.

Deuce:

Maybe another good one? He seems to have gotten better with his anger, so that's something. He probably wouldn't leech off of you too much. I think his only problem is that he might not see the relationship as an actual relationship, y'know? He might just treat it like a normal friendship or something. Maybe once he's graduated, he'd be better with knowing how to deal with a relationship, but for now? Not so much. He might also honestly forget y'all are in a relationship. (this might just be a headcannon? Idk)

MC: We should give each other pet names!

Deuce: Why?

MC: Cause we're dating!

Deuce: *pauses to load* ....OH!.... Right.... yeah.... we are.

But honestly? Probably a pretty good boyfriend.

Jack:

Ok, now we're just getting good boyfriend material, wtf? But seriously, Jack is a family man, and he's good at keeping at his goals. He'd be perfect at keeping his significant other on track and keep them from procrastinating. He'd probably also help them keep in shape. I feel like his only flaw is he tends to either overestimate people's abilities or try to push his views onto others a little too much.

Jack: You have to keep going or else you'll get used to stopping right before you get the exercise you need!

MC: *literally sweating through their clothes and pretty much fucking dying* I NEED A BREAK!

Jack: Just keep going! It's fine!

As long as you're an overachiever and you're ok with your limits being pushed, I'd say he's good bf material.

It's been a while, so I hope I still made this ok. There were a lot more good boyfriends than I thought there'd be.

Oh well. I'll get the next part out at some point.

[vampyrixdarling]

hi hi! I'd like to request some general relationship headcanons with Scourge!! This vile man does not have enough fics about him, and that is a CRIME.

— 「𝐒𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐠𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐇𝐞𝐝𝐠𝐞𝐡𝐨𝐠 𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬」

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ MASTERLIST

╰┈➤ Scourge the Hedgehog x reader

: ̗̀➛ synopsis; General relationship headcanons with Scourge.

: ̗̀➛ Type; Romantic headcanons

: ̗̀➛ warning(s); intended gender neutral reader (although there are feminine pet names), anger issues, arguments, mentions of addiction, mentions of Scourge’s terrible home life, despite the heavy topics mentioned there is still fluff.

Likes/Reblogs are always appreciated!! <3

☆ There are so many ways this can go. It’s either you went into this relationship with the “I can fix him mindset” and he ended up making you worse, or you make each other worse. There is no in between.

☆ Either way, he treats you good. If you ever want anything, he will get it for you no questions asked. Mainly through thievery or the odd robbing. He loves to spoil you whenever possible, and also loves to show you off. He’s so proud he managed to pull someone like you, and he’ll be sure to show off and boast.

☆ I think he likes PDA for the sole purpose of letting everyone know you’re his. He constantly has his arms around you, holding you close into a bit of a side hug. That, or he has a hand in the back pocket of your jeans. Of course, he’ll stop immediately if you express you’re uncomfortable. He’s not the kind of guy to overstep your boundaries at all.

☆ He doesn’t cook. Well, it’s more like he can’t cook. He does have an interest in cooking, but something almost always goes wrong. He mostly orders takeout, or relies on you to cook an actual meal for him. He’s eternally grateful to you if you do. He’ll even offer to help you in the kitchen, whether it’s helping you cook or doing the dishes (he hates doing the dishes, but he’ll do it for you).

☆ As for pet names, I don’t really think he’d call you any sweet ones, I can’t see him doing that. He might call you darling occasionally. The ones he probably calls you the most would be toots or babe. And occasionally beautiful or handsome.

☆ Scourge is a relentless flirt. That’s obvious. Whenever you two cross paths, it’s like he knows just what to say to get your heart pounding and that blood rushing to your face. That’s how he managed to win you over, after all. Shitty pickup lines and jokes were his go-to, as well as trying his best to impress you whenever he could.

→ Bonus points if he failed horribly at whatever he was doing to impress you, and you can’t help but laugh. He’d be annoyed at first, along with his huge ego being damaged and bruised, but once he hears your laughter, it’s like butterflies emerge from his stomach, and he can basically feel his heart skip a beat. So once he’s a humiliated and blushing mess, he’ll quickly get up and proudly barked that that was on purpose, and he’s not as pathetic as he looked. Of course you knew he was lying, but you didn’t mind. You found it cute, in all honesty.

☆ He constantly smells of cigarettes and cheap cologne. It’s gotten to the point where once you smell it, you know for sure Scourge is nearby. It’s a scent that’s managed to find itself seeped into your bed from how many times he’s crashed at your place. But as much as you find the smell annoying, you can’t help but find at least a little bit of comfort in it.

☆ On the topic of sleeping over, he loves sleeping with you. He definitely snores loudly. He’s normally the big spoon, and that’s almost always unfortunately nonnegotiable. He loves holding you close with his head buried into the crook of your neck. He finds you so warm, and he’s quick to fall asleep.

☆ He’s the type to get jealous easily, and he’s very obvious about it. He’d wrap his arm around you, pulling you close, and smugly tell the person to back off of you and that you’re his. If the person is being creepy or threatening, Scourge isn’t afraid to put them in their place and beat the hell out of them. But he’d rather not let you watch that. It could wait, for now he’s just focused on you.

☆ I think it would take a lot for Scourge to open up to you. He’d have to be really comfortable with you, and 100% sure that you’re the right person to tell about this and that you won’t judge him. I’d like to think he got his anger issues from his father and his struggles with addiction from his mother. That man did not have a good childhood and I will die on this hill.

☆ He’s the jokester of the relationship. He’s almost always cracking jokes, whether they’d be flirtatious or not. He prefers to be on the lighter side of things rather than the serious side. He just wants to joke around and have fun with you, is that such a crime? He’d love you forever if you entertained his jokes /j

☆ Scourge is afraid of commitment. He isn’t into the idea of getting married nor having kids. That’s the awkward truth. He’d most likely not put as much effort into the relationship as you’d like, although that doesn’t mean he won’t try. He’ll put as much effort into the relationship as he can, but it won’t always be enough.

→ He doesn’t want kids because he’s afraid that he won’t be a good father figure, with his anger issues and problems with addiction being some of the main reasons behind that. He doesn’t want his kids to be raised by a someone like him. He wants the kid to have a healthy, normal life— one that he fears he can’t supply.

☆ Despite not wanting any, he’s actually great with kids. He doesn’t know how or why, but it just comes naturally to him. He’d try to be a positive role model to them (even though he’s the complete opposite of a positive role model). He won’t drink or smoke around them, and actively tries to engage with them and offer advice if they seek it— as well as providing any support he can.

☆ I don’t think he’d be the communicator in the relationship. It’s either he’s too prideful to admit he messed up, or he’s scared of what might come from the conversation. But he’s willing to make things right with you, he loves you too much to lose you.

☆ He has bad habits of acting out of anger, or throwing things out of a fit of rage. He denies he has anger issues, but no matter what happens, he refuses to hurt you. The most he’ll do is scream— whether directed at you or not— or throw something at a wall.

→ If an argument were to occur, Scourge isn’t the one to apologize first. Arguments with him aren’t often unless you caught him on a really bad day and accidentally said something to set him off. His father is the most sensitive topic you can bring up, and will have him freaking out almost immediately. He just hopes that if he opens up about his father to you, you won’t use that as leverage. He trusts you, and he doesn’t want that trust to be misplaced.

→ At first he’s angry, screaming at you and demanding to know why you said or did what you did. He doesn’t mean anything he says to you, but he can’t control it. He’ll only stop if you’re crying, to which he’ll quickly be quiet once he realizes how much he scared you. He’ll give you your space, not talking to you for the rest of the day and spending most of the time in your guys’ room.

→ If the argument is his fault, he’ll still refuse to apologize, nor admit he’s in the wrong. The outcome would be a little different though. He’d be slightly colder to you once you start trying to point out where he was in the wrong and was in fact being a total asshole. Instead of backing off like he did in the previous scenario, he’d scoff at you and leave. This would cause a strain in your relationship, but as long as you two can properly communicate and talk about this, I think it’s an issue that could be solved. This relationship isn’t an easy one, but you both love each other dearly.

[ikamigami]

I've always personally interpreted Sun as the kind of person who blames themselves for everything, like yes July 16th was one of if not the worst day of his life and the cause of a lot of trauma, but it definitely wasn't the only day, and to me he comes off as the kind of person who would blame themselves for other's terrible actions, I bet that every time he woke up after Moon had his turn and he found another mangled body, his own covered in blood, he blamed himself, for not being able to talk Moon out of killing, of not being strong enough to fight back against Moon to prevent this from happening, it probably didn't help that parents and technicians probably blamed him too, either because they didn't know Moon was a separate person or blamed Sun for not being strong enough to hold Moon back, I seriously wonder if he feels at least partially responsible for every innocent person Moon and later Bloodmoon has ever killed, those barrels of body parts in that one basement, if he believes he wasn't persuasive enough to talk them down or strong enough to stop them, even though it should've never been Sun's responsibility to keep Moon and Bloodmoon sane, and maybe he also blames himself for his own suffering, that if he had done something different, Moon wouldn't hit him, or call him stupid, or push him away and keep him in the dark, and when Eclipse took control, maybe he blamed himself every time Eclipse suppressed him long enough to do serious damage, or that somehow Eclipse showing up was a reflection of his own "evil", and then him not being powerless when Lunar showed up and was hurting Moon, and that's just the start, Moon getting killed and Sun failing to fix it, Nexus's fall and not feeling like he was enough to stop Nexus from turning, and so many other things, how could you not feel powerless, like your efforts mean nothing, that you aren't enough to save anyone, with all this? And its not because he's self-absorbed or something dumb like that, but because he genuinely believe his failures got people killed, and when you have a life like this surrounded by so much death, where your efforts feel meaningless because people die anyway, you might believe it really is your fault even if you didn't hurt anybody, and on top of that the constant insults and gaslighting, Moon and Eclipse blamed Sun for July 16th, demonized him for having angry thoughts even though everyone has angry thoughts, we saw this with the interview where Moon believed Eclipse's words saying Sun killed the agent even though we all heard Eclipse take control in that moment, Eclipse especially preyed on the idea that Sun is secretly a bad person to toy with him, that's part of why Sun has such issues processing his anger now, so I agree, I think he blames himself for it all, and it's such an ingrained part of him because this state of constant peril and powerlessness has been there ever since he was born, and July 16th, while awful, was just the tip of this ever-growing iceberg

Thank you so much, dear anon 💗🫂

This is how I always interpreted Sun as well.. because I was experiencing the same guilt delusions.. though mine aren't caused by trauma I immediately recognized that we're so much alike because of the way he acts and behaves..

I'm glad that some people understand that.. that some people understand the excessive guilt Sun definitely has to feel..

I can't thank enough Davis and EC for creating Sun's character because Sun helped me realize that I'm suffering from mental disorder and not that I'm just exaggerating and imagining things and use mental issues as personality traits..

I wish that I knew what was going through Davis' mind when he created Sun's personality for sams.. maybe if I knew that he actually made Sun to have guilt delusions and depressive psychosis and it wasn't just a simple coincidence then I'd feel a bit better..

Because I sufffered a lot because of certain individuals in this fandom.. both here and on Discord server.. just because I was saying that Sun is suicidal because I was worried because of my own mental struggles..

Because why they had to say that "I'm disturbing" and that I apparently "was dragging everyone to this" when it's not true and they had the audacity to say that under the post that someone made in my defense where they said that I was passively suicidal..

And they never felt the need to apologize for that..

I also didn't like when New Moon descended into "insanity" at first because the very same people were suddenly caring about New Moon experiencing similar issues to Sun (though their experiences are different but you get what I mean)..

Tl;Dr: I absolutely agree with you and I'm glad to see that some people understand the excessive guilt that Sun has ^^

[bardengarde]

I hope you struggle with this ask game as much as I did. Love you.

BJ: 3, 20, 22

Hawkeye: 1, 2, 6, 12, 24

God Shan you said you were going easy on me then I reviewed the questions.... I wish I had an emote here for BJ's sarcastic smile. Love you too though, and augh.... *cracks knuckles* BJ Hunnicutt

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

Already this isn't fair, because you know me, you know my blog title, you know my beliefs. ...The entire episode of "Hanky Panky" though. I hate that he cheated on Peg (while still recognizing the significance of it to his character arc, and the archetype he fulfills). It was a hard fall when I got to that episode for the first time. I was rooting for him, we were all rooting for him. And the fact the date the episode released on is so close to my birthday- it felt like a targeted attack.

There are maybe other things..... won't share them here though, y'all stay safe.

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

Assuming I'm meant to answer other than Hawkeye since they're canonically best friends, I really would have liked to see his and Klinger's friendship expand more. I love the banter they have, they seem to get along great, and even if Klinger isn't a dad in the show I feel like he has dad energy and I feel like they'd be really stoked to show each other pictures of their kids in the future and be excited for one another and the milestones their kids reach. I'll stop myself before I go too far off on the deep end with headcanons, but I think their dynamic is often fun and sweet and would love to see it explored more.

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don't like?

To be so real with you, I've not read enough fics to have a good answer for this- like down to details. I guess my thing is knowing that BJ is a very complex characters with multiple layers- I feel like I'd get annoyed if I read a fic that took a very fanon approach to BJ and made him like a malicious liar type, which I don't think he is at all. Or if he was boiled down to jealousy or anger issues. That said, I love reading a fic where someone can nail his sense of humor or puns.

Hawkeye Pierce

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

Why DO I like him, honestly??? I'm rewatching the show from the beginning rn and god.... I landed on this guy??? Echoing your answer when I asked you, he's definitely very complex and I am always learning new things about him/ coming to a different understanding in my interpretation of him. I really appreciate his character arc and what Alan Alda did with his character; I appreciate his views on him as well. I'm also drawn to characters where just about everything happens to them, and god Hawkeye might have pioneered that trope /hj

I'd also argue that I like Hawkeye so much because he's so much unlike the majority of my favorite characters previously. Traditionally, I've been more drawn to serious, academic characters, or charming and romantic, or softer and gentler, or even clean-cut types, and Hawkeye is.... different, to say the least. Not to say he's not capable of some of those qualities... sometimes, but he's... just vastly different than say Aramis, Enjolras, Riza Hawkeye, Peggy Carter, Philippe (mitim), and so on, and so on...

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

Hah.... This is also hard.

I like how imperfect he is. I would personally think of him as a good person (I say while wincing a bit), but I think more accurately he is a person who is trying to do his job to the best of his ability in one of the worst possible circumstances. And he tries to help people who are being mistreated along with it, and while standing up against idiocy and injustice, and being firm in his pacifism.

Despite that, he's sleazy, disrespectful, sometimes outright mean, and overall probably not someone I would want to be close friends with in real life. (At least, not at where he is in my current re-watching of the show.) He's not a 'saint in surgical garb'; he's a person. A very flawed person. And I like that. I like him. 6. What's something you have in common with this character?

I don't think I can answer this without getting too deep with it. Let's just say I like to think I'm funny sometimes.

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

I know none of these are new to you Shan, but you'll hear them again!!!

-I think one of Hawkeye's favorite ice cream flavors is Rum Raisin. I think he also likes splitting a banana split with someone else (as a kid- with either of his parents, does it on dates sometimes, etc)

-I'm purposefully twisting a line given in the show about him having a 'pet' stuffed owl, and saying he had a stuffed owl toy as a kid named Hooty.

-I think his favorite color is red.

-I have a very important headcanon to myself that after his mom passed away, he was given a lot of extra care and love by the moms of a few of his friends in Crabapple Cove. One would send along an extra packed lunch with their kid to make sure Hawkeye had something to eat at school. Another stopping him to fix where his hair looked a mess and straighten his shirt for him. And so, so many hugs and endearments. None of this was done because they thought that Daniel Pierce was neglectful or couldn't take care of Hawkeye, but because Daniel was grieving as well and they wanted to help where they could and ease some of the load off Daniel's shoulders with not only him becoming Hawkeye's sole guardian, but also while still being the towns doctor as well- while he's trying to pick up the pieces and get back on his feet.

I like to think even as an adult when Hawkeye sees one of his friends mom's who had helped taken care of him, he still runs up to them and gives them a big hug. :,)

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

Hehe, there's the rub because I don't know if I have one. Mayyyybe Grantaire since I have Les Mis on the mind today, but not reallyyyyy. No offense to Grantaire but Hawkeye is a lot more competent and cares a lot more about things. But drunk, comical, not straight, in love with a blond- that checks out.

[ominous-feychild]

OC Facts Tag

Thank you for the tag, @honeybewrites!

Rules: Make a list of fun facts about your OCs. Like a headcanon list, if you will! Except it's actually canon lol.

Characters from Sun and Shadow: Freya, Crow, Daleira, Faer

Freya:

Knows a lot about sailing, but has mostly worked on ships by herself. Is she self-taught? Well, kinda--it's because of her dad basically being a god of the ocean. It's literally in her blood, and she's blessed to have good luck on the ocean. Not that it helps her if "luck" doesn't come into play...

Has mostly figured out how to translate three different forgotten languages by using only her own intelligence and libraries

Has anger issues but thinks of herself as a very calm person

Has a lot of nightmares, but remembers very few of them. Doesn't have very many good night's rests

For some reason, half of what she thinks and knows of her past contradict each other...

Sleeps curled up in a ball; likes cuddling with stuffed animals but left it at home when going to Lynsmouth because she thought her fiancé would judge her for it. Joke's on her, it's a fiancée, and she has way more than just one!

Would forgive her dad for his neglect if he just gave a sincere apology, a hug, and spent at least a few months with her every year

Hates standing out

Was previously in a toxic relationship with a man who groomed her. It caused a lot of her modern-day issues. Her dad is not aware of this, and she hopes to keep it that way.

Crow:

Both hates and loves the smell of blood

Forgot how to cry years ago

Is a fantastic actor and liar; thinks their lies are terrible and obvious, but is able to fool even some of the people best at reading body-language

Knows how to fight with two different types of weapons. Also knows hand-to-hand combat--that, and using a simple dagger, are what they're best at

Always has a knife/dagger within reach, but it's usually hidden behind one of their wings or their tail feathers

Their humor is, in reality, an act they put on to make people underestimate them. They are hyper-alert and constantly on guard

Is most comfortable sleeping on top of something spherical; likes wrapping their arms--and so their wings with them--around it, resting their cheek over their shoulder/wing, and splaying their legs out

However, is used to sleeping in terrible conditions. Just always needs to sleep on their stomach; it's painful to lay on their wings

Daleira:

Is almost certainly ADHD and is probably on the spectrum; I'd have to write more of her before I say the last part for sure, though

Doesn't have very many friends and is aware of it; most of the people in her life are either humoring her because they're afraid of her or because they want political power

Her obsession with magic originated from her trying to figure out if she could change what she is--aka, stop being a faerie and turn human

She's terrified of her own magic and refuses to use it. Most of the magic she uses in-story is during moments of panic (ie, used on reflex) or through a conduit

If she ever managed to "turn human", would cry for weeks about no longer being able to shapeshift. Her ability to shapeshift is one of the few things she likes about being a faerie

Has never been in a relationship before

Doesn't like to sleep because she's afraid of what her magic will do while she's unconscious. Lucky(?) her, she can literally make it so she doesn't have to sleep

Wishes she had a sibling or other people to relate to

Loves sweet food; lucky her, she won't ever gain weight unless she wants to

Faer:

Figured out engineering over time from reverse-engineering half-destroyed machinery

Likes cooking and sees it as very similar to engineering

He loves his hair and would cry if he had to cut it. Has not cut it once in over 5 years, not even to trim it.

Loves soft textures and wears an oversized cloak to hide his constant fidgeting, to generally keep his actions hidden, and to be able to pet it

The more I write about him, the more certain I am that I accidentally made ANOTHER goddamn autistic character istg--

Although he claims the cyborg bobcat that follows him everywhere is his familiar, it is not. It is an actual bobcat. They bonded over a series of incidents of saving each other's lives and refuse to part from each other

Refuses to set foot in a forest until his life depends on it. Thankfully, now lives in a city.

The giant scar over his face is far from the only one he has.

Has PTSD and is constantly aware of his surroundings

Met Daleira when she saved him, but actually likes her as a friend and person

Is suspicious of Valyarus, but doesn't know how to tell Daleira that her dad gives him major creep vibes

"Faer" (pronounced "fair") is not actually his name

Tagging (with no pressure): @the-letterbox-archives @the-golden-comet @yourpenpaldee @darkandstormydolls @themboty + anyone else who wants to join!

Divider by @cafekitsune

[pastelclownkitty]

COMPASS GOD BLAST!! (aka i'm assuming you'll get at least one Trio question and *I* wanna know about Tempest)

The Four Compass Gods (even... eugh... Atlas...)

4, 9, 24, 25 :]

fair warning that ciaran and aeros are not built on much so most of this is made up on the spot. ok thanks stuff like this helps

4. What is your OC's fatal flaw? Are they aware of this flaw?

Aeros - Their immaturity. They try so hard to be cold and professional, he really does, but at the end of the day he's still rather childish and doesn't think things through as much as he likes to make it seem like he does. He is aware of this, he's been constantly reminded of it. It's why he tries so hard to fix it, or at least stop it from showing.

Ciaran - Their numbness. The way it causes them to stop taking things seriously and be apathetic in the face of consequences. They are well aware of it, but make no effort to fix it.

Atlas - Their temper. Atlas's anger quickly causes them to stop thinking rationally, instead exposing her impulsive and reckless side. Many people have told them to work on this, but Atlas refuses to accept that it is an issue.

Tempest - Their inability to move on. The way they cling to every past grudge, never allowing themselves to forget. They are aware of this but don't see it as a flaw.

9. Do you have a specific lyric or quote that you associate with your oc?

Aeros - "And then she smiled, and that's what I'm after, the smile in her eyes, the sound of her laughter."/"Next time you're praying, you'll be praying for me."/"Mother Earth's love whispered to me (and it wasn't her fault)."/"Look at the stars, in the big black ink. Tell me what you feel and tell me what you think. Is it cold outside? Is it cold?"

Ciaran - "Kind of like an addict, I let you win."/"Now I'm King, like you wanted me to be."/"I did what I had to do to survive, then I did a bunch of other shit I felt like doing."/"You became so focused on running the rat race and getting to that cheese, you didn't even think to look for the cracks. And I don't blame you! I'm just disappointed."/"Curiosity killed the cat, satisfaction brought it back."/"It's a quality of the gods to see a creature with its back broken and be unmoved."

Atlas - "'Cause you lost when your puppets reclaimed their lives!"/"I've been waiting for my lover to relieve me, but they're outside swinging from the oak tree!"/"Do not pray. Whatever the fuck you do, do not pray. Because the ones that are listening, you do not want them to answer."/"Everyone is a monster to someone. Since you are so convinced I am yours, I will be it."

Tempest - "There's a plan for us lunatics and liars, we have faulty gears and wires, they can't save us but they'll do the best they can!"/"I'd kill myself to get away from you, too."/"It was nice to know 'ya! We've all been damned, cmon!"/"Stop the peace and keep the violence!"/"I think I'll lose my mind in hysteria!"

24. What is an alternative life path your OC might have gone down? How different would their life be if they'd made those decisions?

Assuming they all didn't become god and continued their lives like normal:

Aeros - Would have ended up completely alone and aimless, with absolutely nothing to their name. There was nothing for them besides his Fate.

Ciaran - Honestly, he would have wound up in jail had they not become a god. They would not have kept getting away with everything for much longer.

Atlas - He and Venus planned on moving far away together. Atlas most likely would've gotten a job as a gravedigger, and Venus would have loved to work at a flower shop or as a fashion designer. Venus could have kept him out of jail long enough for them to live happily.

Tempest - Most likely also would have wound up in jail. Either that or a psych ward, which is probably the more realistic option. Though I could also see them ending up kidnapped by some unfortunate enemies they happened to make. No matter what, it wouldn't have gone well for them. Not that anything in Scilita's life ever went well.

25. What is your favorite thing about your OC?

Aeros - Silly deer guy!!! Silly anxious deer guy!!! Serious answer, his temper. I love pissed-off Aeros. Pissed-off Aeros my beloved. He deserves it.

Ciaran - How intelligent she really is, and how silly she acts not despite it but because of it. That smug, playful attitude of theirs. God, in another universe they and Eucharis would be best friends.

Atlas - His emptiness. His longing to feel whole again. How childish he really is. Everything that godly, untouchable attitude is protecting. Everything he does to distract himself from it.

Tempest - Their bitchy attitude, how little filter they have (while also having an extremely strong filter), the moment where that mask slips and they're left unbelievably vulnerable in their rage.

[devilstruly]

duality

miya atsumu × gn! reader

summary: rivals to lovers but make it lowkey

-------------------------------------------------------

You and Atsumu have been working on this project for weeks. You wanted to do it by yourself but he insisted on helping, claiming he was a gentleman and what not. And you so stupidly fell for it. The only thing he had to do was make the powerpoint presentation that contained all of the literature you two had gathered. But did he do that? No, he did not.

The part that you were supposed to present was completely cut out off the presentation, because Atsumu claimed it was unnecessary and basically trashed all your work from the previous two weeks. And now he was blaming you.

The fucking audacity of this guy.

When you saw the final presentation he turned in, you immediately went to the gym to pay him a visit. You marched inside with frustration evident on your face, but the blonde was too busy talking to his teammates about something to notice.

'Miya!'

He groaned internally at the sound of your voice, closing his eyes and opening them again to mentally prepare for whatever you want with him.

'Yes, Y/N?'

He sighed, looking at you with bored eyes. His whole demeanor irritated you even more as you marched up to him and pointed a finger in his face.

'What the fuck happened to the presentation?! You cut out all of my research!'

He moved your finger nonchalantly before shrugging and answering your question as if it was obvious.

'It was boring. No one was going to pay attention to it anyways'

You can't even register what he's saying because of how stupid it is. Does he hear himself?

'Excuse me?'

'You're excused angel ~'

He smirks, but it only makes your desire to punch him grow. The way he acted was always a mystery to you. He pretends to be annoyed by you and then shamelessly flirts the next second.

You look at him with disgust, choosing not to focus on his teammates that stood around you and watched this whole exchange curiously. Instead you took a step closer, closing the space between you two and looking at him with pure hatred.

'What the fuck is wrong with you.'

He laughs. He laughs so hard his head falls back and he's holding his stomach in pain. His grin looks like it might split his face in half and you're beyond confused.

'What?'

'You wanna kiss me so bad ~'

'I'd rather kiss the fucking floor than your ugly face'

You stand your ground and Miya Atsumu dares to glare at you. His jaw is clenched, and his eyes are burning with anger. Or maybe it's something else?

A subtle smirk was starting to show on your face as more seconds passed without him uttering a single word. In the end he just huffed and rolled his eyes, mumbling a 'whatever' and resuming his practice.

It was a win for you, but you were still annoyed about the project. As you walked home and tried to forget the whole ordeal, you didn't notice someone falling in step next to you. With a short glance you were able to register the familiar grey hair.

'Osamu'

'Hi. We need to talk'

You cocked an eyebrow, stopping in your tracks to look at him.

'I'm listening'

He ran a hand through his hair with a sigh, before placing his hands in his pockets and looking back at you.

'I just wanted to apologize for Tsumu's behavior. For what's it worth I saw the original project and it was really good. He didn't mean to cut out your part, we've just been having terrible wifi issues the past few days'

'What? Why would he lie about it?'

'Well cause he's stupid like that'

Osamu rolled his eyes, well aware of the meaning behind his brothers actions. You were evidently confused, ushering him to continue.

'Huh?'

'Listen, he likes you. He has for a while now. He's just incredibly immature emotionally and has no idea how to deal with these feelings'

You stood there bewildered, blinking at Osamu rapidly while trying to process this new information. It can't be true right?

'You're probably his first crush so go easy on him when you reject him'

Reject him?

Now that you think about it, would you really reject Atsumu? Sure, he might be insufferable sometimes but like many others, you failed to resist his charm.

You liked the way he was passionate about volleyball. You liked the way he was sure of himself. You liked the way he just flirted with you whenever the opportunity presented itself. So maybe, just maybe, you liked him too.

Osamu changed the topic after that, walking you home and asking about your day. He was very considerate and laid back, the complete opposite of how Atsumu usually was.

For the next few weeks you weren't able to get the blonde out of your head. He was everywhere - in your class, at lunch, in the backyard, and so on. You were starting to see him everywhere, he wasn't easy to miss but still.

You started taking notes of the subtle things he did too. The way he asked for your notes or help with homework, how he complimented you when you got a good grade on a test, and many more cases. This was a side of him that you were completely unaware of.

One day when you were walking to a coffee shop, you saw Atsumu on a jog. He was across the street, running in the direction towards you. You wondered if he would see you, and if he did would he come up to you? You didn't exactly know if you became friends with him or not, but you did notice him being a little softer around you.

Thankfully your train of thought was interrupted when you saw him cross the street, a big grin on his face.

'Hey Y/N! Whatcha doin?'

'Oh nothing much, I'm just going to grab some coffee'

'Oh? I could use a coffee'

He smiled at you, almost expectantly and you returned the gesture a bit uncertain.

'Uh...wanna come with?'

'I'd love to! It's a date ~'

He winks and slings an arm around your shoulder, taking advantage of your surprised state. It was only when you've almost reached the coffee shop wnen you realized what his gesture actually meant.

'Wait was this your way of asking me out?!'

Atsumu smirked, pulling you closer to him and humming contently.

'Took you long enough'

[catlokis-blog]

Tell me about how Bubby also has NPD I want to hear your ramblings

alright!! there might be some moments of mischaracterization (i feel like that's not the right word but i'd be framing him differently than the intention yk?) because i haven't rewatched hlvrai for a hot second! but!! here is my bubby narcissist theory, brought to you by someone with the disorder

probably the most obvious one is that bubby is EXTREMELY self-centered and confident. to a nearly satirical degree. he's often described as "crass" or "egotistical" because he's constantly talking about himself, how good he is, & talks huge about himself because he made to be the ultimate lifeform, duhh.

but it's also been shown he has some STRONG self doubts in the extent of how "perfect" he really is in moments of weakness, it's especially highlighted during his betrayal arc (ill come back to this) once he's been brought into his tube again, but it's also even highlighted during small moments in the commentary when he would stop praising himself briefly to doubt "is my plan working?" before immediately switching back to "yess, yes, im the best"

he's also been shown to be a compulsive liar towards tommy a lot with his "classic pranks" which is a habit that can come in a lot of npd patients, usually as a form of self-preservation or some other defense mechanism. (benrey also has a similar symptom here, where his memory will rewrite events to be biased in his favor! but this isn't about him)

his short temper and somewhat bitter attitude can also be easily taken as a lack of empathy for those he doesn't consider "on his level", so to speak, noting strong disregard to anything gordon really has to worry about - this doesn't mean he doesn't have his moments, however, just that he shoves it to the side a lot

another thing about his temper - he's very destructive! narcissistic personality disorder comes hand-in-hand with destructive anger issues, usually targetted towards the thing that's causing them the most frustration, but it could also really be anything (such as the random scientists he decides to kill)

probably the thing that solidified it the most for me was the concept of the betrayal arc as a whole, though. his only reason for going with it because he was convinced that nothing was his fault - but it had to be someone's, because people with narcissistic personality disorder can really struggle to figure a "that's life" kind of thing. he immediately pointed the blame to gordon once he realized gordon had failed the experiment, and instead of benrey helping correct his misleading train of thought, he fed into it and led bubby to assist in getting gordon's arm chopped off

something that, may i add, bubby did not want to happen!

npd is often caused by trauma, which could easily be a result of his tube and being a case of study, but that's more of a theorizing part.

i think the main reason why i take all of this as a personality disorder headcanon and not a "he's just a little charmingly shitty" way is that even once he's redeemed these qualities never go away - and nobody seems to mind that. nobody is constantly telling him that he needs to "fix his attitude" - they just learn how to understand him :)

this is kind of thrown together very like... haphazardly i can't explain it all very well BUT that is my opinion!! bubby npd haver

[gin-draws]

Hey! Sorry I didn't see these forever, but it's totally something I've been meaning to address and I just haven't had words for a while.

Firstly: fuck terfs.

The rest is long so it’s under the cut:

Having JKR alive and running around spewing hate has definitely not helped my love for the series. She uses money that we gave her to fuel her hateful bullshit, and to actively attack not just the trans community, but whatever issue she disagrees with in the UK. It hurts as someone that grew up putting myself into this world to have the creator openly using her power and influence to go after other marginalized people.

Even before JKR started openly being horrible I had worked hard to overlook my discomfort with stuff in the series (there's a lot of problematic stuff that 10 year old me could overlook but 32 year old me can't lol). A big part of me getting past that was just making her world my own through my art. I loved the community I found in the fandom on tumblr. I loved the people I could interact with over a shared interest and something that brought us all joy. Especially other creators that made the world their own.

Over time though, engagement kind of fell off on tumblr. (Where the reblogs at.. am I right?) And slowly I went from being able to ignore negative comments here and there because of the good interactions, to being worn out by the growing overwhelming negativity. People act like they can just demand things from creators and we somehow owe it to fandom to do what they specifically want.

Want that character to be white? Draw them yourself.

(Making characters bipoc brings out a shocking amount of anger from people for no reason but racism...)

I had tried to make the story I'd grown up loving into something that made me happy. I made the cast diverse because I grew up surrounded by all sorts of cultures and religions and it made my world a lot bigger. I sometimes played around with my own gender identity through my art, and it brought me a lot of joy. (Sirius was a fun playground for getting through a LOT of my own shit). But it brought out a lot of vitriol, and over time I just got tired of it.

I mostly stopped posting art because now it's something I do for me. My own characters and stories where nobody could send anon messages telling me "x should actually be white because---" I put a lot of time and love into my work and if it doesn't make me happy, I lose interest. Doesn’t mean I stopped drawing, it’s just not fanart as much anymore.

(I draw a LOT lol)

I miss the story I grew up loving a lot. But I can't actively put money in JKR's pockets, which distanced me from the series. A lot of my interaction with the community became a little too negative to deal with. And so over time I drifted away. It makes me sad to have strayed from that world, but it just became a little too toxic for me.

It still brings me a lot of joy seeing the positive comments, and people appreciating my old art means a lot. But I kind of moved on for myself, and now I don't have to worry about hateful comments about canon and race when I post my dnd characters lol.

I’ll probably be moving hp art I’m not happy with anymore over to my old hp side blog instead of deleting it, but as an artist and creative I’ve moved on to my own characters and stories. (If I open up commissions and people liked my interpretations of the characters, I would love nothing more than to draw desi Harry, or black Hermione, or Sirius not giving a fuck about gender. Lmao)

[punkisntdeadandneitherami]

Thought i'd share my experience with suicidal thoughts and self harm so here it goes. A lot of triggers probably so you may wanna step out.

When i was 10 years old, i was really stuck on school stuff. like, they put a lot of pressure on us, and i'm a real procrastinator. i waited till the last moment to do all that stuff, and honestly it's my fault. the thing is, i had to stay up till kinda late, wich i used to NEVER do. plus, on the next day we had to present that stuff to our parents, plus dance for everyone else's parents too, and play a song, and i have social anxiety. This got me so stressed for the longest time, bc it was like a huge thing and it was worth a lot of my grades. to top it all off, that annoying ex friend who kept pressuring us didnt even show up.

The next year, i started hating school for it. It felt useless, and i felt no motivation. The worst part was: that year, i made two friends, but they ended up pretty fake, one in specific. she thouht she was better than me, and made sure i knew it. She made fun of using medicine, was pretty ableist and was a complete narcissist. During that time, i started thinking i was autistic. i related way too much with stuff i read about it, but when i told her i thought that she went "haha aren't we all" and just kept on with her life. She didnt try to underestand me, and i think i felt a need to be validated by her. I started feeling the pressure of school, the dependence i felt towards my friends and my self hate, always being fed by both media i came across and my toxic relationship with my own feelings.

Soon, i started feeling extremely depressed, trying to figure out if i truly was autistic or if there was something wrong with me. To complement all that, i started finding out about my queerness, which was important, but it actually only made me feel more stressed.

I had to go with my parents on their business trip on October, and it felt great to escape for a while. The problem was that, by the time, i already felt incredibly depressed. I wasnt exited about anything, had no motivation, and to be honest the only thing that kept me from killing myself was the thought of how my friends would feel, specially one of my best friends, who nowadays i am proud to call my brother, was also suffering with his own mental health.

On that trip, i had many valuable conversations with my friends, them helping me go through this even with the distance, even if every time i saw a window i begged myself to jump. They helped me figure out my sexuality, which also gave me courage to both come out to my mom and come clean about my depressing thoughts.

After i came back home, i started having to wear an orthopedic vest or whatever, idk how to say that in english. Of course that didnt help much my situation, but at least i started going to therapy. I went back into school and saw my friends, including that one girl i mentioned earlier.

While that happened, i had some serious anger issues. I was pretty rude to her, while she was ableist to me. After I told her and my other friends I'm a lesbian, they all were supportive of me, except for her. It kept on for the whole year, until i finally changed schools together with a friend of mine.

I could see other friends on my new school, but the change was weird. The new school was farther from my house so i had to wake up earlier, but at least i got rid of seeing that girl. The thing is, i kept lying to my therapist, and felt like i couldnt tell anyone my thoughts and feelings. I started having kinda murderous thoughts about me killing my homophobic classmates and then myself. I continued procrastinating my arts project, and i thought i'd get a failing grade. Not long after, i started cutting myself. I liked the pain. Its like I had always felt. By the time, i found out a way of fooling the medicine, kind of stopping it from working. I thought I deserved to feel like this. I started planning on killing myself.

I had the perfect plan of every step i'd take. I'd take a cup of coffee on the middle of the night, wearing my favourite PJ's, steal a bunch of ginger biscuits from the kitchen and go to the little empty house on our yard. I'd grab a knife with me. I was going to send my goodbyes via whatsapp, eat all the biscuits and cut my palm with the knife, to use the blood to write on the walls. After that, i'd slit my throat. But i didnt do any of these. Because of my ex brother-in-law.

I started planning my goodbyes, sending myself the texts i'd send them that night, just so i could copy and paste. Then, i'd send their friends texts for them to comfort my friends. On that, i sent my ex brother-in-law a message asking him to comfort my brother the next day. I thought he wouldnt see it immediatly, but he did. He asked why, and i answered i was going to kill myself. He started lecturing me, and i admit that his speech wasnt what kept me alive, but the fact it lasted 10 minutes and made me forget to drink the coffee to keep me up.

I slept tightly that night, the night i had been planning to be my last.

After that hell of a night, i started using my medicine correctly, which helped a lot on my recovery. Today, a fuck ton of time later, I'm telling you about it, because a few days ago i cut myself again. I dont want anyone to go through that, to think their feelings arent valid because there are people who suffer more, who think life is nothing but the limited time of working of the brain and the heart.

Life means, you get to change. Life means, you get to thrive. Life literally means whatever the fuck you want it to mean. So live. It's your only chance.

[contemplatingenjoyingoutlander]

OUTLANDER EPISODE 702: Two villains meet their untimely ends

Watching the second episode of season 7, I realize how much I've missed the show. They packed a lot into this episode. There were all the feels associated with Amanda's birth, the MacKenzie family saying goodbye to Jamie & Claire, Wille and Bree meeting at last, and Jamie severing his relationship with Lord John because of the war.

But there was plenty of dark drama too, starting with Allan Christie's confession and death, and ending with the Big House on fire.

So I thought I'd take some time to dissect the tangled paths that led two Outlander villains to their deaths in this episode--and to consider the choices that some Outlander protagonists made regarding these villains.

Ian's Retribution for the death of the "bairn" he once thought was his

Episode 702 started with a death, which proved to be apt foreshadowing for its ending.

Allan Christie's death in this episode is very much like the one in the book. Alexander Vlahos brought a good mixture of sleaziness, despair, and infantile anger to his portrayal of Allan.

Cait deftly portrayed Claire's enormous frustration at being put in a situation where she had to stop a man from killing himself, whom she probably wished would die for his crimes.

Finally, John Bell as Ian fully embodied his role as a Mohawk warrior. He was believable in how he stolidly disposed of Allan for having killed the "bairn" he had originally thought was his, but which he still thought "deserved to live." There was nary a sign of the carefree, mischievous lad Ian used to be. (Sadly there was also nary a sign of the boy who was distraught when he thought he accidentally killed someone in the print shop fire.)

Allan Christie was a horrible human being, who had gotten away for years with the incest of his sister Malva, and eventually with Malva's murder and the death of her unborn bairn. [The flashbacks illustrated the creepy brother-sister story perhaps too well--I was extremely uncomfortable watching them.]

Furthermore, Allan's attempt to hide his guilt almost resulted in Claire being hung for a crime for which she was innocent. It also indirectly led to his father's sacrifice to protect Claire.

Still, Claire, ever the physician who takes her oath to preserve life seriously, went above and beyond the call of duty by wrestling the gun away from Allan before trying to talk him out of suicide.

But Claire's valiant efforts were in vain because Ian made the decision to step in and grant Allan his death wish.

Ian's code of justice comes from both the Scottish Highlands and the Mohawk nation; therefore, he does not appear to have any qualms about taking the life of a murderer.

But there are issues I had with Ian's decision, besides the ones I have about his playing judge, jury, and executioner.

Although I agreed with Claire's decision to try to stop Allan from killing himself, I had issues with Claire's suggestion to Allan that he run away.

What I wished had happened is that Ian and Claire had worked together to take Allan to justice. In doing so, they could have cleared Tom's name. Even if they believed that Tom was dead, his memory deserved not to be tainted by a murder he did not commit.

However, I do appreciate that Claire felt that Tom's sacrifice had also (probably unwittingly) spared his son from having to die for Malva's murder. I don't think Tom knew that his son had killed Malva, but the end result was that Allan was free. Claire clearly thought it would have been a waste of Tom's sacrifice, if his son took his life.

Yet, I still wish that Ian in particular had chosen a different course of action, one that didn't involve Ian and Claire having to dispose of the body.

The irony could not have been lost on Claire that she had just escaped from an unjust charge of murder for one Christie, only to go on to help Ian cover up the murder of another Christie.

Both Claire and Ian were lucky that Mrs. Bug decided to help them rather than turn them in.

Wendigo Donner: The man who lost his moral compass in an uncaring past

We saw Roger in episode 701 meet Wendigo Donner, another time traveler, who had come back to help the 18th century indigenous people avoid the genocide that was to come. Unfortunately, Donner's plans went awry, and he ended up becoming a criminal, who didn't do anything to help Claire when she was kidnapped.

Brennan Martin as Donner did a good job of showing just enough of the decent man that Donner used to be to get the kind-hearted Roger to take pity on him.

Fortunately, Bree talked some sense into Roger, and he decided not to help Donner. We don't know what Donner would have done, if Roger had helped him to escape. But most likely, the end result would have been the same.

Despite Donner's crimes, Roger was sympathetic to him, because he felt guilty for some of the things he himself felt compelled to do (or not do) after going through the stones.

Still, Roger never lost himself to despair, anger and selfishness like Donner did. That's because the love of Bree, Jemmy, Claire, and Jamie helped to provide him with a moral compass as he confronted many of the hardships of living in the past. (It probably also helped that Roger was a minister's adopted son.)

Although it is clear that Donner had unselfish motives to travel to the past to help the indigenous people, when he arrived in the 18th century he was truly alone. The rest of "the Montauk Five" weren't with him--or weren't alive.

Unfortunately, unlike Roger, Donner never found a caring group of people in the 18th century to provide him with a moral compass to help him avoid losing his way, as he struggled with the difficulties of living in the past.

Over time, whatever concern Donner had for others took a back seat to his own needs, gradually corrupting him, and tragically leading to this:

The Big House finally did burn down on December 21, 1776. Not on January 21, 1776 as had been recorded. The colonial newspaper had gotten the date wrong.

The epicenter of all that the Frasers had built on the Ridge went up in smoke with the careless lighting of a match. A match that didn't belong in the 18th century, wielded by a man who didn't belong there either.

Still, I'm glad the show's writers made one change from the book in this scene. In the book, it was Ian who lit the match and accidentally caused the ether to explode (after Donner and his gang had been captured).

But it is far more fitting that the show's writers decided to literally show that it was Donner and his selfishness that ultimately made everything go up in flames at the end of his life--and of this episode.

[edited]

[tulipsnflowers]

pair ask: Metta and Nara

Oh god you'd expect I'd have more to say

Nexomon spoilers

The issue is. These two. Share. Zero. Words.

It's a problem. In fact Deena shares 0 words with all of her siblings. And she was right there in the frozen tundra. All of them were standing with Glacia and she went over with us and 0 lines were shared between them.

But that's off topic. James and Deena.

So... Depending on how you structure Omnikids you could make Deena and James not know each other by simply making James a thing after Deena already switched sides. That one complicates things, I'll skip over it for now, but it's worth mentioning

So... Yay. All of this is headcanon because JV doesn't know how to write and he isn't in n2 for some godforsaken reason

You also have to wonder if any of them know Deena's human form, and how involved Deena even was before this. Because she seemed shocked Nadine was there. Deena. What do you-

I digress. Anyhow.

James is Omnicron's 7th child. Often interpreted as the golden Child and/or the heir.

Deena, is the traitor. Omnicron's 4th child.

James took a bit to get his plan of reviving his siblings going - and Malk said they knew each other for a while, so it's probably been rocky.

Maybe James didn't know where Deena was - not impossible, or maybe he just didn't want to talk to her because while yes, she'd come in useful (life powers and all,) she already betrayed them.

You can think or not think she helped Ulzar, but at the very least she stood against Omnicron and refused to attack humans. She chose them over her family (not that it was a proper one)

So I don't think James wants to talk. They wouldn't have anything to say. Not to her, not after everything. (Though I do think some part of him really wants to. Despite rough patches, you were born knowing your siblings. When you grow up with them, you carry a part of their personality whether you want it or not. ) Plus after Omnicron literally disowned her, I don't think he even wants to risk the same

Deena - I don't know what she's been doing for a bit. I know she was in the netherworld for a while after n1 and between n1 postgame, but I can just assume she was in the forest pre n1. Which, in hindsight, is pretty obvious. James wouldn't even need to look far. Perhaps that's why Khan stayed the Overseer, cuz he doesn't necessarily bother there

I would like to think Deena tried at least once to say something. To convince him otherwise. He was alive, and they were the only two living Omnikids at that point. I don't think it went well, but she probably tried.

Then n1 happens. Deena is only with us in Forest, Phantom, Lateria and bit of Frozen. Only in Lateria do they truly get to see each other, right as James revives Grunda. Deena doesn't say anything. Not to James, not in general.

What can she even try to say? She's about to help the hero fight her own older brother - who let's be honest was probably a better parental figure than Omnicron - and quite probably kill him. She can't even say anything for her case. She can't even say sorry because she knows it's probably worthless.

They then don't talk. Because James is at top of the tower and Deena is quietly in the shadows. I like to think with Deena healing you and stopping your nexomon from turning - he knew. He had to have knew. He said nothing, and neither did she.

Because Omnicron was there, and because it's not worth it to say anything that could anger Omnicron on James' side (especially because while there's hatred I don't think it's all hatred. Not to his older sister), and not to blow her cover for Deena.

Because she has to do this. Her siblings may hate her, that she can handle, but she can do this for humanity. Just once more(if that wasn't a lie.)

And that was the last time the two saw each other in canon. In a way, I think if they just talked to each other - I don't know. Something different would have happened.