#I'll take this any day of the week
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A biracial lesbian couple? In my Ghostforce? It's more likely than you think.
#ghostforce#zag#zagtoon#zag heroez#liv baker#Andy baker#mike collins#mist#fury#crush#glowboo#to be perfectly honest#these two ladies sort of feel like a shout-out to Miss Caline and her partner#but considering it took Miraculous Ladybug seven fucking years to unambiguously portray queer couples and Julerose STILL isn't confirmed...#I'll take this any day of the week#thank you very much#lesbian#wlw#queer#lgbt#lgbtqia#lgbtqi community#lgbtqiia+#lgbt representation#sapphic#woc#black women
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Lan Wangji Goes To Lotus Pier AU: Part 3: Enveloping Feelings.
(Part 1, Part 2, Part 4 (soon))
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan wangji#Yungmeng Jiang training arc AU#I wanted to try out a different paneling style for this one - sorry I'm a day late! (there will still be a post tomorrow to keep on track)#The original 3 panel comic idea was fine but the point of this new schedule was to take time to push myself a bit more.#I was taking a look back through some comic artists I felt inspired by#and I really loved how Lynda Barry fills her gutters with patterns and doodles!#Obviously I'm not going as absolutely wild with it as she does but it was a great exercise!#I truly think the gutters are the most important and most overlooked part of any comic. There's lots going on in that space.#It's the same with timeskips. The implied movement between moments that we don't see changes depending on how wide that gap is#You're here for the funny tags so here's some that ties this time talk together:#I think LWJ was thinking about that second note from day 2 but it took him 7 days of hazing to commit it to paper.#I think he sends it a day later and immediately regrets it. Chasing down the messenger and everything.#You know if something actually happened to his brother he would never ever forgive himself for putting the bad vibes out there.#Third time skip was the hardest because there was so many possible flavours of jokes here. Day 8/9 was a personal favourite.#day 14 was also funny (week by week). I think the debate on 'how long does lwj take to catch feelings' is more or less:#'how long does it take for him to arrive at a particular stage of grief and yearning (and awareness of it all)#This is a symphony. There is an act by act structure. Every day he is fighting to keep his old sensibilities. He is losing so badly.#(I'll be returning to the main comic soon but there is more of this AU to come!)
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Some (late) holiday photos of the boye~!
#cats#holiday#OUGHH....... barely could even get these edited and posted... my mysterious sickness flare up has been sooo bad the past few#days.. I didn't even go to the usual obligatory family christmas I was supposed to attend (!!! health issue/medical mention in tags below)#My stomach issues basically put me in a constant state of uncontrollable shivering/body shaking + nausea + sometimes rapid heart#rate. and when it happens at night that makes it like.. nearly impossible to sleep when you're violently shaking + you can feel your heart#so strong + you keep having to run to the bathroom every 5 minute to cough and gag#and throw up and so on and so forth. etc. So I went like 40 hours without any sleep almost for christmas eve and all of christmas day#last night I finally got maybe 2 hours of sleep in between the nausea and shaking and stuff. and then today I was able to get a few#hours of sleep in the afternoon. Today I tried taking an anxiety mediciation a doctor gave me in case it was anxiety related (it's apparent#ly used to relax people and works in the moment. rather than like Anxiety Mediciation that you have to take for weeks to see any effect#because I think this isn't actually acting on your brain chemistry it's judt like..a mild sedative or something.) but all that did was make#me dizzy and sweaty lol. I;m glad I slept a little but I'm just still frustrated that I don't feel normal. I started having these#'episodes' (with the stomach issues + shaking + heartrate + nausea etc.) like at the end of october. And usually it will happen for like a#few hours at a time. or i'll lose sleep one day and then be fine the next. but this has been like nearly 3 days of feeling weird. so is#getting kind of annoying... It's funny too because I was so so productive like.. literally the few days before. I was feeling much better#and I was working on my game and blah blah. But then.. random issue flare up out of nowhere of course.. yaayy.... happy holidays to meee lo#I did at least see two random ducks outside of my window in the yard area for christmas. and havent seen them since. So it's like.. hrmm..#pacing around my room nauseous and shakings and etc. but at least... hello.. two little ducks placed there just for me :3c#Now I get anxiety every night which I'm sure doesn't help/could exacerbate whatever underlying genuinely physical issues exist. But after#like 2 nights of 'I spend the night sleepless and incredibly uncomfortable just sitting in the dark sick' then bedtime is like.. dread...#I even was trying slapping myself in the face in desperation to see if somehow that could shock my body out of whatever the hell it was#doing lol.. up at 3am holding ice cubes in my hand and hitting myself in the head and crying from exhaustion and thowing up.. literally#ridiculous cartoon character feeling... AAANYWAY!!! At least I have baby boy pictures. and I have lots of doctors appointments so hopefully#whatever the issue is can be sorted out at some point. I don't know much about ibs but hopefully maybe something like that that I could pos#ibly take medication for and not something more seirous or anything. Maybe there's a food I'm secretly intolerant to or whatever.#And I did at least post a sims holday video actually timed for the holidays so that's something. I havent been productive really latrely#though obviously.. I can't even play games or small tasks when in that state since I'm just SO physically uncomfortable. Nausea and heart#stuff are THE hardest physical sensations to ignore.. BUT yeah... hoping I shall sleep at all tonight. hopeing to get like 3 productive#things done.. at some point... at least SOMETHING... lol..... *** *** ***
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Video
Techno imitating Phil and his iconic “Hey mate” line during MCC5
#Technoblade#Philza#Phil#MCC#Emerald Duo#subtitles#I'm making a highlights compilation of Techno's old MCC vods#but I'm posting this now because these two are my favorite#and also the current highlights compilation for MCC 5's vod is 13 minutes long#so it's going to take a hot minute for me to figure out how / where I want to cut that up#or whether I want to compile it into something shorter#I don't actually know if I'll subtitle that whole thing#Ideally? I'd love to#realistically? I don't have the time and also my back neck hands and eyes are killing me#I'm on the computer all day for work so even the video editing stuff is a pushing it a little for me#I wouldn't mind getting paid by a CC to do this kind of clips stuff officially#but I don't think any of them would actually pay a fair wage#and idk how many hours a week that would be#still. something I am considering#I work for a nonprofit rn so I'll probably get a second job sometime eventually#but before this current job I worked 5 jobs and god forbid I ever have to do that again#that was a very rough 2 and a half years#anyways enough personally chit-chat in the tags I hope you are all doing well#and if you guys have any opinions on whether you want one shorter compilation or 2 longer compilations lemme know#Subtitles#Edited
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the meanest of them all 👎👁👅👁
#animation#ice pick lodge#тургор#тургор тиран#the void#tension#maybe one day i'll go truly crazy and animate all brothers#not any time soon though this took me two weeks straight 😭#it was a cool experience but my pc didn't take it too well lmao
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working on the Asajj recommendations again
#daily asajj thought of the day#it won't take me long to see if i'm adding some canon short stories and do the legends section#but then i still need to start and finish brotherhood to see if it goes on the list too#kindly ignore the grammarly lines my spelling is really that bad#in any case i'll probably be done with the recs by the end of the week? hopefully#btw rn the recs are dooku jedi lost two comic issue and one short comic story#but that's just canon#for legends i'll probably put the cestus deception and/or dark rendezvous#and my fav comic issues
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Help I've finished rewatching s2 of the Gilded Age, this time with G&Ts and my mum, and I don't know how I'm supposed to wait another year for s3
#the gilded age#ada is my mum's favourite#but she's very gracious about my obsession with the Russells#.ioana rambles#it's easter weekend babey#i have inherited the fandom brain from her and she is JUST AS BAD AS I AM about fictional characters smh#she actually did more rewatches of the show than i did lol#but here we are#i'll take tga and gin&tonics with my mom over the good friday sermon ANY DAY of the week
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new entry for the "doing hot girl shit" list: talking in an incredibly supportive space with incredibly supportive people and constantly second guessing the things i say and terminology i use and the things i experience when trying to relate and emphasize with the afab folks there, none of whom who would bat an eye or glance askance at any of the things i'm self-conscious over.
#being transfeminine is being in a constant state of hypervigilance even when you're in a place where you know you're safe#because the world is designed to make you feel like your identity and sense of self can be ripped away at any moment if you fuck up#no matter how much your friends and family reassure you that it won't. but i'll still take it over pretending to be cis any day of the week
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castlevania game and bloodstained fans! would you ever be interested in joining a CVBS-focused drawpile sometime?
netflix fans: you will not be singled out if you'd like to join! but just please be aware that the focus will be on castlevania and bloodstained games :]
bloodstained fans: the session will be CVBS and similar titles, but i'd be happy to host a separate session sometime as well :D
feel free to reblog!
#castlevania#castlevania game#akumajou dracula#bloodstained#ritual of the night#curse of the moon#mine#poll#if people are interested i'll try to gauge people's freetime!#i'm in EST personally and i'm free on weekdays#each response has a reason for being there so please answer truthfully! thanks :D#so if there's people who aren't artists or are unused to any of the software i can help you learn to use it#i'm not a fan of the week-long duration so i'll just take a tally of the results every day
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musing in the tags about the view two years out from my hysterectomy and the shifting nature of neuropathy. i asked my PT for recommendations/resources pertaining to pain science and that's been a very helpful lenses to have. i'm still not back to normal, will never be unmarked by this experience or return to my pre-op self, but my baseline has been gradually increasing over the last few months, and it feels good to look back on the last two years and say "i have no idea how i managed to function while living with that, but i did!"
#meatsuit renno#chronic blogging#ctxt#at first post-hysto pain was a deep burning ache#and eventually that lessened on my left side and settled in for the long haul on the right#after a couple weeks it had started to feel like a small carnivorous creature scrabbling and gnawing at the inside of my abdomen#nestled into the hollow of my pelvis and reaching up with its raking claws#about 6 months in and the creature still chewed occasionally but had shrunk to the size of a tennis ball under my right incision site#it clamped its jaws down and went to sleep and i perpetually felt like someone had pinched a fold of my insides with a large binder clip#this constant awful twisting tug every time i moved that kept me from straightening up or breathing fully#this is about a year into recovery and my original surgeon has blown off my requests for follow-up treatment three times now#i carried on as best i could. fatigue and brainfog getting worse & worse as the pain wore on unrelentingly#about a year and a half into recovery it worsened again. searing lancing pain like i'd been impaled on a piece of white hot rebar#couldn't hardly move. couldn't think straight. couldn't sleep#finally checked myself into urgent care & then the ER just to try to get someone anyone to take me seriously and help me#finally got a referral to a new surgeon who immediately pinned it as extreme neuropathy#started gabapentin end of december last year and the relief was immediately#i never thought i would welcome the gritted teeth vice grip of my little feral pain creature#but when i felt the molten spike slide out to be replaced once more by its worrying jaws#the intermittent spark and fizzle of that pinching squirming pain was a dramatic improvement#then i started PT in march and slowly so slowly the creature's hungry grip is loosening#it still clamps down occasionally. maybe once every week or two i'll have a day when i just accept#that there will be a horrible little creature chewing on my right side from the inside#but nowadays with the gabapentin doing as much as it can and an exercise routine i must stick to religiously to supplement PT#the pain is more of a little pearl of dark matter shifting around under my skin#it's incredibly dense. the heart of a black hole of disabling agony. all that white hot fury condensed into a slick heavy marble#as i recover some of my strength and energy i can feel my body coating it in nacreous layers to minimize its influence#my hysterectomy was 2 years and 4 days ago today and i feel like i can finally finally say i'm beginning to truly heal#i suspect i'll always carry this pearl in my side like shrapnel. product of damaged nerve tissue that went untreated for far too long#i wish my original surgeon had been more competent more attentive less lazy & indifferent to my pain. but i still don't have any regrets.
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.
#supposed to log good things#most of day was negative feelings and sadness#then. i remember feeling good#and then. tthe good went away#rreplaxed with the usual self doubt and loathing#the feelings of undesirability#the wish that i was. attractive in any way to anyone close to me that anyone wanted to. touch me#that i wasn't horrifically gross and disgusting#do the people who hold me do it out of pity? am i really so awful#pictures get a lot of praise#sometimes#less so lately#maybe the novelty of my personality has worn off#maybe seeing how broken i am#such a shambling wailing mess of a girl#....has made people realize how ugly i am#i don't know. its hard to care most nights#I'm supposed to feel better in the mornings#i don't usually#I used to#now i just feel..... dead inside#like a walking corpse#some part of me wants to make that reality#sigh.#anyway.#im sorry you had to read this whoever you are that's made it this far#it's a cry for help but my discord status says don't message me so it's. probably not gonna get much lol#.....i guess uh. if you've read this far and do want to say something you can take this tag in particular as a one time pass to do so#....i make no guarentees I'll respond but i will guarentee that i won't kill myself. at least not tonight or even any time this week
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#manectric#i woke up at like noon today y'all i'm queuing this after work. i forgot about it all day and i was about to hop on totk#but i got the reminder to do it. so here i am. with manectric#el woowoo‚ if you will#a lot happened. yesterday. it was not a very good day. which is why i woke up so late. it was a little bit rough. but i guess it's a new day#so. it'll get better. planning on Not Doing Shit today or tomorrow to compensate for all the Bullshit that happened yesterday#hoping you all are doing well. one week from today (friday june sixteenth) i'll be hopping on a flight for the first time in 10 years#looks like according to the queue this will actually go up the day before we leave. so‚ to you guys‚ i'll be heading out tomorrow#which is scary a little bit. last time i flew i had no idea i was autistic‚ but now that i've come up with a lot of better accommodations#for myself and i understand myself a lot better and my needs‚ i'm realizing a lot of my accommodations just aren't gonna make it through TSA#plus it's a lot of unfamilarity with unfamiliar people and an unfamiliar environment which i feel like is gonna lend itself to sensory#overload like Immediately and i'm probably gonna get a headache bc that's how it manifests for me#so when we get there i'm probably gonna have to run to the nearest pharmacy. and grab some shit. which is annoying! so. i'm a little#worried. about the trip. NONE OF HTIS IS ABOUT MANECTRIC SORRY#this is a pokémon i have a hard time caring about outside of its involvement as the leader of the electrike in amp plains#that's about it#any tips from frequent flyers who are autistic would be greatly appreciated. not even just about flying but about like. going to unfamiliar#places on the other end of the country and stuff. i feel like that's what i'm most worried about even though i'm worried abt all of it#also hi i'm writing these tags from day-of. like the actual day this is going to post. me from a week ago sure did know what she was talking#about! anyway. i'm. gonna like. take my meds now goodBye see you all when this Posts in a few hours
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☎️🎲 🤼♂️ ✈️🚪 ➡️ 🫀🎮⌛️
Don't Dream It's Over by Crowded House
previous ⏪︎ now playing
back to playlist
#byler#stranger things#bizarre love triangle playlist#mike wheeler#mike’s pov#this just feels like a really good song to end the playlist#it fits well with mike bc he just reassured will in the cabin that they would kill vecna together#and now they're standing here together#'there's a battle ahead. many battles are lost. but you'll never see the end of the road while you're traveling with me'#'now i'm walking again to the beat of the drum and i'm counting the steps to the door of your heart'#yeah idk about ya'll but i'll take a door/heart reference any day of the week#'only shadows ahead--get to know the feeling of liberation and release' aka shit is about to go down folks.......#'hey now hey now don't dream it's over'#sort of reassuring from a byler standpoint that although this ending might have felt hopeless in a lot of ways... like a lot.#mike is telling us through his actions as we near the end (reassuring will/choosing to stay by will's side): 'don't dream its over'#'they come they come to build a wall between us. we know they wont win'#this feels poetic bc a large chunk of the audience might still be in denial about the possiblity of mike and will even despite this shot#but the writers have made it clear with literally everything thats built up to this point that 'we wont let them win'#whether it be vecna or denyers#other lyrics in the song just fit really well with the overall ending of s4 in general#'there's a hole in the roof' was one that was a little too on the nose#'my possessions are causing me suspicions but there's no proof' reminds me of will telling mike he senses vecna again (superspy encore?)#'in the paper today tales of war and of waste-'#again trying to emulate going out on this sort of hopeful note with the doom of apocalypse right before us#4x09#gif
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ALSO OMG?????
Thank you guys so so so much for your help with Kaine's vet bills <3!!!!!!!!!!! We're about halfway there for covering it all. Like you guys know, I've been unemployed for a while and even at my last job with the hours i was getting I would have to pay with three weeks of pay. The job search is not going as good as I hope, so this all went on my credit card and I can't keep piling money on that with no back up plan, so your help is incredible and I can't thank you guys enough.
Big big love from me and my big baby. If he could type I'm sure he'd say thank you too. I'll post a picture of him in his donut for your viewing pleasure.
#god thank you guys#you have no idea how much this helps#I'll take that post down in a few days and just leave what's left on the card#yall have always been here for me through my bad times and i hope so deeply one day to be able to give back to others in need#the only time i've ever been able to do that was when I worked for P#but then i got into my car accident and all my money went to that#and to my bills and Kaines meds and my meds#so while i was making good money my bills ate through my disposable chunk of income#just#thank you guys so fucking much#I know in the grand scheme whats going on with him isn't life threatening unless it gets a bad infection#but he's on antibiotics for a week and cone duty so he can't chew at it#I haven't been able to save up any animal emergency money and I insisted that my mom let me take over the payment#because she just dropped over 2 grand on Mugsie and her surgery#having senior pets is a lot#again thank you guys I love you all so much
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sorry to everyone who's been missing me/waiting for something from me, i've been slipping in and out of depressive fog for a week or two (and in general have experienced significantly worse depression than normal for a couple years, but that’s another story)
i long to get back, too; a lot of things to read and ideas to write and people to talk to. love y'all, take care
#signed: vika's ghost#also i've caught a cold so there's that too#terribly sorry for being overdramatic i'm just... tired of being tired and i wanted to talk about it a little bit#it's very important for me to talk about everything that's wrong with me. i tend to avoid that but now i'm trying to learn and to make peace#creative drive and ability to hold thought-out conversations keep slipping out of my graps and it kinda hurts more#— in a good cathartic sort of way but painful nonetheless — to remember what they felt like at all#i miss wanting to work on my wip and i miss having the attention span to write out headcanon and i miss having headcanons#and i miss talking to my fandom friends#(i did it just last week but i already miss it. it's one of the things i'd like to be able to do every day)#and i miss the ability to connect with art and i miss the ability to focus on written word and i miss commenting#and i miss discussing ideas and i miss interacting and i miss having fun. god i just miss having fun.#kp my apologies for not making much progress on bb&b; myself my apologies for not writing any of my other wips or outlines or posts;#da gc gang my apologies for not following up on any of the things; every fic writer whose work ended up in my to-read pile IM SORRY#jack & kp specifically i love your stuff#also jack my apologies for taking a While; & the rd gc apologies for never writing out any of the cool au thoughts i'd had after some point#really，i've been meaning to. everything requires way too much effort. everyone is so fun and i miss having fun#take care，remember me fondly，i'll be back，please stand by#if tomorrow morning i find this embarrassing i'll chalk it up to a fever or something.#idc i'm allowed to have it. world won't blow up if i'm embarrassing on the internet once or twice or honestly even forever#vikarambles#vent
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screech
#tag rant incoming#the wait until results day is killing me#6 days 17 hours until I log onto ucas and see where I'm going in less than a month#time will not go faster no matter what i do I'm an anxious mess all the time and all I look forward to is going to bed so when i wake up#there's 1 less day to wait#I want to get into my first choice so so so badly and I'm not sure how I'll take it if I don't#my second choice is an equally good uni and course but it's just not the same to me#I'll go anyway if that's what ends up happening cus I know I'll enjoy it eventually but yeah#god has a plan everything happens for a reason etc etc but I'm Scared™#ok positives#today i bought my new laptop that I've been saving for for months - there wasn't any in stock at currys so I'll have to wait for delivery#so now I can finally join discord calls and make silly PowerPoints again#the end of my job is in sight - I wasn't put on the schedule for my last week so now I just have 2 ish weeks to go#on Monday I'm going round to a friend's to play stardew valley#rwrb movie comes out tomorrow#no matter what happens on results day my friends and I are going to a gay bar in Belfast which I'm so excited for#followed by a sleepover with another friend#the future is happening very soon and it's very overwhelming but I will get through it#I am just the unfortunate combination of anxious and impatient#ellis exclaims
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