#I'm 21 I should know how these things work but when they start using big words it's like I don't understand german anymore | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

eagerbby · 2 years

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Linger | Part 1

pairing| Eddie Munson x older!female reader

synopsis| A unknowing game of cat and mouse with your younger neighbor, who can't seem to hold on to his house key, leads to feelings you don't want to admit and actions you can't take back. Not that you'd want to, anyway.

an| admittedly I've been working on this far too long, since October to be exact. I wasn't seeing a lot of older!reader fics and as a 26 year old I wanted to explore a dynamic between Eddie and someone older. I hope you enjoy and be ready for part 2 which will be even more filthy than this!

warnings| 7k, eddie is 20-21, female masterbation, eddie is persistent as fuck, stubborn!R, drug use (weed), reader is kinda bitchy but eddie likes it. MDI

“Eddie?”

“Hey, princess. It’s fucking freezing out here.” He smiles at you as a cold gust of wind blows past him and straight into your bones. Behind him the sun is setting into a tangerine colored, cotton candy sky.

“Lose your key again?” You ask, shivering in only a shirt and shorts, huddled behind the screen door with your arms wrapped tight across your chest.

Eddie shrugs sheepishly from the other side of the screen door, but his crooked grin tells you everything you need to know.

"Yeah," he rubs the back of his neck as he peers up at you through his lashes with puppy dog eyes. "I think I forgot it at The Hideout last night."

With a sigh and a halfhearted roll of your eyes you motion him in, smiling to yourself as you walk back to the sudsy dish water you had been wrist deep in when he'd first knocked.

"Starting to think maybe you should tie that key of yours around your neck." You quip as he settles himself at the little dinner table tucked into the corner of your kitchen.

It’s not a very big kitchen, smaller than your bedroom even, which means the ‘corner of the kitchen’ is only five feet from the L shaped counter. If you took two steps backwards you’d be in his lap. The thought has your stomach fluttering.

"Uncle Wayne said the same thing." He chuckles. "Says I'm costing him a fortune in key making."

"This is a common occurrence for you, huh?"

"No, not common... maybe like the sixth time…this year."

"Jesus Christ, Eddie." You laugh, wiping your hands off on the dish towel as you turn towards him. "Remind me not to ever hand you my keys."

He smiles at you with this cheesy grin that makes your stomach flutter like a teenage girls, heat rushing to your face when you notice the way he's sitting.

He’s leaned back in the walnut stained wooden chair, legs spread wide. His already tight black jeans stretched taut over his thick thighs and his worn Black Sabbath shirt has ridden up against the pale skin of his stomach, the dark line of his happy trail catching your eyes. It takes everything in you to look away, to not allow your eyes to stay glued to that sexy tuff of dark hair.

You turn back to drain the sink, willing the heat in your face away.

"Guess who's graduating this year?" He sounds jovial and you just can't help but tease him- just a little. Maybe it’ll ease the tension settling in the air of your kitchen.

"Hello, Eddie. I'm fine, how are you?" You say while you begin wiping the counters down, stepping over his long outstretched legs.

"Come on! Guess!" He urges, leaning forward to bump your elbow with his knuckles. You clench the rag in your hands tighter as you wipe down the stove.

"Well, I don't know any high school boys, other than you, so I'm gonna need a list of names to run through first."

"You're so mean to me." He says with high dramatics, taking the leather jacket he'd left here a couple days ago and tossing it over the back of a different chair.

"Eddie, I let you hang out, smoke you up, and I feed your gangly ass. God, I'm such a horrible, evil person." Your voice runs an edge of seriousness as you tease him, throwing a look over your shoulder in the process.

And, God, maybe you shouldn’t have looked back at him because he’s sitting there with his legs spread wide looking at you with that heavy simmer of his that you've started to notice and ignore. He's become a temptation, one you just can not fold to. It'd be wrong. You're older than him and he's still in high school, anything more than hanging out would leave you feeling dirty.

Unfortunately, you're not quite sure if it's a good kind of dirty or a bad kind.

"You're the worst." He drawls, fiddling with his trusty zippo. "You devilish woman, you."

The way he says it makes your spine tingle, makes you clench your thighs a little and hope he doesn't see.

"You hungry, kid?" Maybe a change in subject will evaporate the building tension in your small kitchen. You dig through the fridge as he sits silently behind you.

"You know I hate it when you call me that." His words mumbled when he finally speaks, sad almost, but he knows what you're doing. It wasn't like he couldn't feel the tension that was building between the two of you.

It starts off innocent enough. Three in the morning, dressed in only your silk robe and a pair of rain boots you'd found by your front door, you had trudged across the small gravel driveway between the two trailers and banged banged banged at the blue painted door. You didn't know your neighbor. You’d only lived in Hawkins a couple months at the time, but you did know that every night from 9 to 11 the sound of a wailing guitar was bound to rattle the fake crystal chandelier hung in your living room. Usually you could manage, put your tape deck on -drown it out- but that night the tinny punch didn't stop when the clock struck eleven or even at midnight. In fact it seemed to get even louder, like the person had turned the amp up, and you were fuming mad.

The door swung open so hard and fast it startled you and before you could chastise the person for making such an unnecessary ruckus, they were already apologizing.

"I'm so sorry, I-I didn't realize how late it was."

"You've been playing for hours, kid. Some of us have to work in the morning."

That anger you had as you stomped over dissipated quickly as you looked at his frazzled expression. He was young, obviously a metal head considering the long hair and all black attire, but his big chocolate brown eyes begged for forgiveness as they blinked back at you.

"I really am sorry, Miss. I'm learning a new song and… I guess I just got carried away." God, poor kid looked like he was about to get cuffed and loaded into the back of a cop car.

"S'fine, just go back to your normal hours. That I can deal with." You start to step down the rickety porch steps before you turn quickly and point your manicured finger at him. His eyes widened. "And don't fucking call me Miss, my name's y/n."

After that he seemed to make it his mission to run into you whenever you weren't locked inside your trailer. From meeting at the mailbox, to offering to mow your grass -which you really didn't have much of- to sitting next to you as you tended to your garden. It wasn't until a stormy cold evening that you invited him in. He said he lost his key and his uncle worked at the plant all night and into the morning. You made him dinner, watched a movie, and set him up on the couch for the night.

“Only this one time.” You'd said. “What do I look like letting a high schooler into my home?”

Eddie loathes when you do that to him, even now, level him down to simply a high schooler.

“I'm twenty.” He'd corrected, going as far as to show you his license. Sure enough he was, but you knew you couldn't let it go past a friendship. The town would think you'd corrupted him, they'd surely run you out with torches and pitchforks. Shit, they'd probably burn you at the stake.

But something was starting to grow between you two. You thought at one point it was merely fondness for the strange kid who spoke in codes half the time and made a show out of everything he did. It didn't take you much longer after that, though, to realize what was really growing. Sprouting the weeds in your chest.

You wanted him.

God, did you feel horrible about that one.

It didn't matter that he was twenty, legal, an adult, there was such innocence inside him. Heart on his sleeve, kindness in his smile. Anything other than friendship was a no go. You'd ruin this kid, you just knew it. You didn't have the best track record with men and the last thing you wanted was to take this young man and break his heart before he could even experience what young love could feel like.

Wasn't happening. It's what you kept telling yourself. It's why you'd call him kid, which he hated passionately and made sure to let you know. Why you wouldn't let him hug you like he begged and begged to do. Shit, it'd probably be easier to put on a chastity belt and call it a day. Every time you pushed him away, he'd barrel back head first. He was incredibly determined.

You were playing a losing battle.

"Sorry, bub. Forget sometimes." You toss halved tomatoes in a bowl of chopped lettuce, moving to place the cutting board and knife in the sink before going back to the fridge.

You could feel his eyes boring into your ass as you bent to look through the crisper, hair standing up on end as you tried your hardest not to look back at him. You know what you'd see if you did and the last time you'd caught him staring the tarry blackness of his wide pupils almost knocked you to your knees.

"Are you hungry, though?" You ask again, clearing your throat as you straighten your back and shut the fridge door. You make it a point not to look at him as you head back to the counter, an onion in one hand and a small pack of steaks in the other.

"Steak? Okay, I take back what I said before. You're an angel sent from heaven to save me."

"Ha, maybe in your dreams." You try to joke back but you can feel his body heat again as he squats down beside you to grab the cast iron skillet from the cabinet. He puts it on the stove and smiles up at you. You hadn’t even heard him stand from the chair.

"Always in my dreams, sugar."

His words send that sickly sweet rush of heat down into the pit of your belly. Your body so starved for a release it actually hurts.

Why does he have to make this so hard?

"So you're gonna graduate this year, huh?" Change the subject. Ignore the stupid fucking glint in his pretty brown eyes. It's starting to become a routine, really.

"I got a C in Mrs. O'Donnell's class, which isn't great I know, but it's enough for me to walk the stage." He raises back to his full height, looking down at you with that little smirk of his, watches as you peel the pale skin of the onion. "Will you come to graduation?"

You can't hide how his question surprises you, hands freezing against the clean cutting board, eyebrows furrowing together.

"I really want you to." He adds, closing in on you.

"Won't your uncle think it's weird some stranger is coming to watch his kid cross the stage?"

"He knows about you."

You drop the onion onto the board and it rolls off the counter when you turn to him.

"He knows about me? What's that mean?"

Eddie shrugs, so much closer than you expected him to be. You can smell the hint of smoke on his denim vest, see the deep vines of brown swirling his eyes. "I told him where I was that night I lost my key. He has this weird thing about me sleeping in my van, he hates it for some reason, so when he asked I just told him the truth."

"And?"

"And nothing." He laughs. "Why are you worried about what my uncle thinks?"

"Uh, because he's your guardian and I don't want him to think I'm taking advantage or-or corrupting you."

Eddie bursts out in laughter, head falling forward into your shoulder before he's leaning back and wiping under his eye as if there's a tear.

"God, sweetheart, you should be worried about the opposite. You haven't heard?" He leans in and narrows his eyes menacingly. His breath wafts over your cheek as he speaks. "I'm the town pariah. The town freak. Nobody is worried about ‘The Corruption of Eddie Munson’."

“That’s not true.” Your voice is a hush whisper as you answer back, trying your hardest not to choke on your own damn tongue. You’re locked onto his unwavering gaze, his body unyielding as he steps closer somehow. Fuck, he’s so close, if you just lean up a couple inches your lips could capture his.

No. Nope. Not happening.

You lean away as his hand comes up to brush a stray hair behind your ear and the simple touch -the simple intimacy of the gesture- sends shivers across your hot skin.

“Eddie.” You warn softly and he grins sheepishly.

“Sorry, I can’t help myself.” His breathing is still a little shallow.

“Eddie.”

“I’m sorry.” He takes a step back, far enough that he’s not almost pressed against you anymore but still close enough to feel the heat radiate off his body.

“Can you rinse the onion for me?”

With a nod he ducks to pluck the runaway vegetable from the floor before heading for the sink. He flips the tap on with a long finger and the hum of running water does nothing to drown the racing of your brain.

After a quiet dinner you find yourself sitting next to him on the couch, a rerun of Murder, She Wrote playing on the TV. Your brain is fuzzy from the weed he’d brought to share with you and you find yourself leaning against the backrest of the couch, eyes glued to him as he takes a big bong rip.

“You really want me to come?” You ask, voice soft and airy, and Eddie hacks as his head whips toward you. He looks like a cartoon bull with the way the smoke shoots from his nostrils.

“Huh?” He manages as he splutters, clutching the neckline of his shirt as if that would fill his lungs with air.

“Do you really want me to come to graduation?” You ask again, handing your drink over to him and patting his back. He chugs the whole glass of Coca Cola, panting when he’s done.

“Fuck, I hit that too hard.”

“You’re about to be comatose off that hit.” You laugh, taking the glass as he hands it back to you. He settles back into the cushions with a lopsided grin on his face.

“Just what I wanted.” He chimes, his black lashes fluttering against his cheeks as his eyes close. “What’d you ask me?”

You go to repeat yourself before noticing just how soft his features have become, sleep inevitably pulling at him. You’ll talk to him tomorrow, you think as you stand from the couch.

“Go to sleep, Ed.” You whisper into the dim lit room, covering him with the blanket that had become balled up in his lap.

“M’kay, nightie night.” He tucks his knees to his chest, nuzzling his face into the fabric of the couch and then he’s out, soft snores fluttering the stray string clinging to the blanket.

Sleep doesn’t come easy, like most nights. You spend hours laying there in the dark, watching the way the moon light reflects off your crystal window chime and sends arcs of purple candescent rays across your walls and ceiling. The tossing and turning comes next, an hour spent tracing the rays with your eyes has become boring and the lack of sleep makes your eyes heavy. Of course they aren’t heavy enough to allow you to succumb to the sleep you desperately long for.

Usually you’d reach for your little friend tucked away in your bedside drawer but with Eddie just down the very short hall, you don’t want to chance your noisy little friend waking up the meddlesome boy sleeping on your couch.

Eddie. The reminder of him shoots through you like an arrow, mind hastily rewinding to the way he all but cornered you in the kitchen earlier. The way your heart stuttered in your chest and your fingers ached to pull him by the collar of that stupid ripped Black Sabbath shirt until his lips were pressed against yours.

Okay. Stop.

You can’t think about him this way. He’s young, a good couple years younger in fact, there was no way you could allow these thoughts.

But if they are only thoughts, who do they really hurt? You won’t act on them, you know better than that. Know you can’t get wrapped up with the twenty year old super senior, not when you came here to specifically get away from the drama of your past. No. You have to be good. Have to resist his infallible charm. You need to turn over, close your eyes, and be good.

Yet your hand still wanders past the hem of your panties, down across the silky skin that lays underneath them. Your fingertip finds your clit immediately and your body jerks at the sensitivity of that little bundle of nerves, a surprised gasp leaving your lips in a rush.

Down the hall, bundled on the couch, Eddie coughs.

In your bed you lay frozen, heart pounding and ears listening intently. There’s no way you woke him up, not with just a gasp. You continue to listen for any other noise for a minute or two, heart steadily thumping and your fingers twitching at the anticipation of what you’re about to do because let's be real here. If you don’t come soon, you might actually implode.

Feeling safe to move forward in your little quest, you guide your fingers back down, teasing a trail through your wet folds.

His fingers would feel so much better. It’s not a helpful thought, not when you’re trying to think of anyone but him.

Fuck, okay.

Patrick Swayze in that tight black shirt in The Outsiders. No. Scratch that. Matt Dillion as Dallas in The Outsiders, all rough and tumble. Just what you like in a man. A little rough around the edges but a good soul.

You press tight circles on your aching bud, arch your chest into your hand as it slips under your loose nightie, pulling at your pebbled nipple. You can’t help the soft moan that floats out, can’t help the rut of your hips into your palm as you slip two fingers into your heat. You imagine Matt Dillon laying you down on the bed, burying his face between your thighs.

Oh, fuck, that’s so good. This isn’t a marathon; it’s a sprint.

Your body so pint up and begging for some sort of release you’re on the precipice in no time at all. Your body is on fire, hips canting wildly, you think maybe your bed is squeaking but you don’t care. Fuck, you can’t care. Not when you’re so close. Just a little closer.

Your imaginary scenario shifts suddenly and unexpectedly in your mind. Sexy Matt Dillion erased as Eddie’s face engulfs your vision completely. His beautiful face, those big strong hands of his, the tattoos, that little strip of black hair that leads down down down into his pants.

You come with a cry, shocking and loud, and you clamp your hand across your mouth as your eyes screw tightly, brow pinching together almost painfully.

His words from earlier replay as your body rocks through your orgasm in one vicious wave after another.

"You devilish women, you.”

Your thighs, trembling and slick, clamp around your own hand when you’ve had too much. Body relaxes into your silk sheets as you breathe slowly. But you’re filled with this zing like pins and needles from your fingertips to your toes and your mind is racing, and why the fuck did your brain betray you like that?

You feel it then, the soft call of sleep. The flutter of your eyes as you fight to keep them open. The trailer is silent besides the rough Illinois winds as they beat a lone branch against the roof. You roll over in your bed, nuzzle deep into the blankets. You’ll deal with whatever that was tomorrow or the next day. Or never. You take one last peek at your room, still a soft lavender hue, purple moonlight, before sleep takes over.

You don’t even notice the fact that your bedroom door had been left open just a crack.

Eddie is gone when you wake up the next morning, the sun casting its early morning rays into your windows. The only proof he was even there is the blanket he slept with the night before sloppily folded on the arm of the couch. You don’t think much of his earlier departure. He’s a busy guy running full steam ahead towards his graduation. So you go about your day as normal. Coffee made, a small breakfast of yogurt and some berries you wished you’d grown on your own. You tidy up from the night before, washing the dinner dishes and making a list you shove into the depths of your purse. You need to stop by the store after work, get dinner for the next couple nights.

The day goes on like so; slow and laborious. You try your hardest not to think about Eddie, try to place him at the back of your mind. You go through work at the Hawkins Journal mindlessly. Walk the colorful aisles of the grocery store with glazed eyes.

By the time you get home, you’re exhausted. It’s late, nearing seven, and the place where Eddie’s van calls home is empty. You assume he’s off doing ‘Eddie Things’ as you called his extracurricular activities that were not of the legal kind.

You decide to start dinner instead, talking to your friend from back home as you cook.

“Any new love interests?” She asks at one point, voice giddy with hope. It’d been a year or so since you broke up with your toxic ex and about nine months since you’d arrived in Hawkins with no interesting suitors.

“Nope, not one.” You rattle off as you stir your boiling water and pasta.

“Bullshit.” She says under her breath before she repeats herself, louder this time. More accusatory. “That’s bullshit. Nine months and not one guy you’re interested in? Did moving to that Podunk town automatically make you a nun?”

You laugh at this, rolling your eyes as if she could see.

“No, it didn't make me a nun. But most of these guys are married. Or boring. Or married and boring. Or..”

“Or?” She catches your avoidance, the tone you held as you trailed off from your former sentence.

“Or… nothing.” You avoid it as you strain your pasta.

“Babe.” She says sternly.

“Fuck. Or they're too young.” You plop the strained pasta unceremoniously in the pasta sauce and throw the white plastic strainer into the sink.

“Young? How young are we talking?” Her voice is fully scandalized and you can only imagine the bright smile she's wearing.

“20.” You sigh, leaning your hip against the counter as you stir with one hand and hold the phone against your ear with the other. “My neighbor. He’s…. He’s trouble.”

“Oh, so he’s your type, is what you’re telling me.” She chimes and you roll your eyes once again.

“No. He’s trouble for me. He’s a good guy. Kid. Person.” Another sigh from you as your friend chuckles.

“Oh, you are so bad off.” A giggle, then, “He’s legal, just go for it. You know, the world would be better if you got laid. You’d be less tense.”

“No. He hasn’t even graduated high school yet.” You say.

“He’s 20 and he hasn’t graduated high school?”

“He’s not stupid.”

“I didn’t say he was.” Her tone makes your skin crawl. She can tell -over the phone, miles away- just how defensive her question made you.

“He’s just a kid.” You say again, mostly to yourself.

“Babe, he’s twenty.”

“So what, I should just fuck him?” Your voice is getting higher, temper is starting to build. There’s no reason to get so worked up, you know your friend means well, but you know you can’t go there with Eddie. You’d just ruin him. You weren’t good at relationships.

“Calm down. I’m just saying. If you want it and he wants it and you are both legal consenting adults, what's the issue?”

“It feels wrong. Like I’m taking advantage of him.” You mutter, abandoning your bubbling pasta to look out your window towards Eddie’s trailer. The van is still gone but now his uncle Wayne’s truck sits out front.

“Jesus, babe. You’re clinging on to this warped moral high ground you have with your pinkies. Just let go. Live for once. I thought that's why you moved out there anyway. To live your own life however you want.”

“It is.”

“Then fucking live it.”

Your friends' words worm their way into your brain, spreading like a disease. You get high to quiet the voice but that doesn’t work like you want. You end the night curled up on the couch with your book, not even reading the words on the page. No. All you can do is think about Eddie and those four damned words.

Then fucking live it

The days fade into even colder nights. You don’t see Eddie as much as you normally do, but he comes over every now and then to catch you up on how busy he’s been. He’s looking at you differently now, eyes lingering for too long. You don’t notice it at first, his constant heavy stare, more intense then his usual playful one and always on you.

He’s touching you more. Something your brain noticed after the fifth time the back of his hand grazed across your arm or hip or thigh. It made your whole body light up like a fucking Christmas tree.

His birthday whirls around. 21. He gets so drunk you find him laid out on his porch on your trip to the mailbox the next morning. His uncle sits on the steps smoking a cigarette, a fond smile on his face.

He’s back to losing his key and hanging around your trailer by the time graduation comes around. You watch him walk the stage in his green cap and gown, sitting right next to his uncle who sheds a silent tear. Eddie flips his principle the bird after snatching his diploma from his hands. A group of kids cheers rowdily to the left of you, whooping and hollering, and Eddie stands at the edge of the stage with his arms spread wide soaking it all in.

You don’t expect to see him that night, figured he’d be too busy partying with his friends, so it comes as a shock when there's a knock at your door quarter past eleven.

“Hey, princess.” He says when you answer the door. He’s leaning against your porch railing with a distinct smile on his face. It reads trouble and you are absolutely smitten.

“Hey, you. What’s up?” The screen door between you two does nothing to block the early spring breeze from invading your trailer.

“Lost my key.” He says simply.

“Oh, you did, huh?” You bite back the smile that wants to break across your face. You can tell he’s lying. Can see the little twinkle in his chocolate buttons eyes.

“Misplaced the damn thing again.”

“You have a problem, Ed.”

“I need your help, Miss.”

It nearly knocks you off your feet, the tremor in his voice, the desperate pleading cut with a playfulness that short circuits your brain. Eddie smirks, hand reaching towards the door handle. You beat him to it, locking the screen door as he goes to pull it open.

“What do you want, Eddie? I’m about to go to bed.” The tension is too much. If you let him in…

If you let him in, nothing will be able to stop you.

“You’re just gonna let me freeze out here?” He whines, dramatically shivering in his leather jacket, vest, and red flannel.

“Nice try.” You step back, starting to close the inner door when his hand slaps against the aluminum siding of your trailer, trying his hardest to catch your attention before you fully shut him out.

“I'm starving. I-I’ll sleep in my van but can I just borrow some bread, and peanut butter, and maybe some jelly?”

And just like that, you finally feel some semblance of control over this boy who makes it his goal to drag the desire out of its dark hidey hole deep within your chest.

Except, it’s not that deeply hidden. Not now. Not after all this time fighting to not feel this way for him. You know you shouldn’t let him in. He’s in a mood, you could tell the second you saw him, and you’re so pent up and horny you're destined to snap. To give in to this unholy feeling that's slowly suffocating you.

But he’s hungry and he’s pouting and giving you those lost puppy eyes…

You unlock the screen door and walk to the kitchen, knowing he’ll trail behind. He always does.

“Thank you, sweetheart. I thought my stomach was gonna eat itself.”

You slam through your cabinets and fridge as he stands in the center of your small kitchen. You carry your small load to the kitchen table, dropping the food into a messy pile. Bread, lunch meat, lettuce and tomato, a jar of mayonnaise and a bottle of mustard.

“You can make it yourself, ya?” You ask and Eddie nods happily.

“So much better than a PB&J.” He says excitedly, sitting down at the table. You hand him a plate and a knife and decide now would be a good time to finish washing your dinner dishes.

Time passes quietly. The steady voices from the TV, Eddie’s soft groaning as if this sandwich is the best thing he’s ever eaten. It’s not as difficult to control yourself as you thought it was. But of course, you two aren’t speaking. The mood changes when Eddie opens his mouth.

“Can I have a drink?” He asks hesitantly, mouth half full and a piece of lettuce hanging out the corner of his mouth as he chews.

You pop open the fridge and grab one of the sodas you’d bought for him a couple weeks ago. You set it in front of him with a gentle smile.

“Thanks.”

It’s a quiet dance, the way his hand somehow brushes your bare leg as you walk back towards the sink. You know he hears the way your breath hitches. Know he has his eyes on you even with your back turned.

He’s cleaned up his mess by the time you’re done with the dishes, wiping your hands off on a dish towel when he makes his way back from the bathroom. You can faintly smell your mouth wash on his breath as he leans next to you to place his plate in the sink.

“I’ll wash it.” He says, looking down at you with a brazen look. The control you felt earlier instantly dissipates.

“Okay.”

“You look nice.”

You roll your eyes at this, partially because it didn’t take him very long to fall back into his flirting but also because these little words really do something for you. All bets are off. If he pushes again there's no doubt you’ll give.

“Just a shirt and shorts.” You say back as he rinses the plate off.

“Still,” When he’s down he collapses in the kitchen chair with a grunt, digging for his cigarettes he knows he can’t smoke in your house. “I think you look beautiful. Always.”

“Are you full?” You decide to change the subject.

“Very. Thank you.” He's quiet for a minute, flicking the wheel on his Zippo as he stares at you. And then, “I’d make you feel better than anyone ever has.”

You hoist yourself up onto the counter, bare feet kicking against the pale yellow cabinet door, eyes lingering on him from where he sits. His legs are splayed wide, the muscles in his thighs straining against the overly washed black denim.

“Getting ahead of yourself there, bud.”

“Am I?” He asks as he sits up slowly, moves as lithe as a snake sizing up its prey. In an instant his whole demeanor has changed. He settles his elbows on his knees, levels you with a pensive look. His dark eyes narrow, but his grin widens and the contrast between the two makes you shiver.

“You are.”

“I’m not a virgin.” He says back quickly, a bite to his voice that doesn’t go amiss and you chuckle. He doesn’t like that, you can see it in the way his eyebrows wrinkle at the bridge of his nose.

“Never said you were. You’re just young, Eddie, and I’m not a high school girl who doesn’t know any better.” Okay, so maybe you weren’t going to allow yourself to give in so easily. Where’s the fun in that?

He chuckles dryly as he raises from his seat. He steps in front of you, not touching, but his hands fist at his sides like he wants to. Like he longs for it.

“Bold of you to assume I even mess with those high school girls.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, the groupies that hang out at The Hideout? Wait at the stage to tell you how good you are with your fingers?” There’s more bite to your words than you intend but if it fazes him he doesn’t seem to show it. His hot rough palms find the chilly hills of your kneecaps, his eyes flickering down to the exposed skin as he smooths his thumb there, before he’s locked back onto your withering gaze.

“You sound jealous, Sweetheart.”

And you laugh at this, a quick belly laugh that has your head falling back against the cabinet behind you. You laugh because you are fucking jealous and you hate yourself for it. You shouldn't be jealous of your freshly twenty-one year old neighbor burying his cock into a pussy that isn't yours. But fuck, it sears through you like a hot knife, made even worse as he eclipses the space that's left between you two.

“I’m not jealous.” You scoff while your body is ravaged with the flames of his touch. “I’m sure you’ve fucked any girl that let you put your hands up her skirt. But I’m not some easy little girl.”

“A woman.” His voice is entirely mocking as he ignores the hateful crassness in your words.

“Yeah, a woman, and it takes more than some sloppy head and eager dick to make me come.”

He settles himself between your legs, hands sliding up the expanse of your thighs until his fingertips dig into the flesh right below the hem of your little sleep shorts. He leans in, the smell of the weed he must have smoked before he came over lingering on his clothes and hair; the smell strong enough to have you feeling intoxicated.

Or, maybe that was all him.

“You have no idea what I’m capable of, sweetheart.” You want to wipe that smug grin away, slap him across his pretty face so he stops this before it goes too far, but one quick intrusive thought sends your mind into a tizzy.

He’d like it. Little fucking masochist.

“I’m not some innocent little kid, baby, I’d fuck you so good you wouldn’t remember your name.”

As sexy as he sounds, as good as it sounds, you roll your eyes at his self assuredness. This sweet boy, the same boy that's confided in you about his past with tear filled eyes and spent hours blabbing about his DnD campaigns, saying he’d fuck you like an animal just feels so absurd. Yet it arouses you just as much, has your panties damp and sticking to your slick folds.

“You say that to all the girls you fuck?”

“See; jealous.” He hisses back, eyes so dark and blown wide you can barely see their beautiful umber color.

“Not jealous.” You shake your head, eyes begging to look away from his intense stare down, but you can’t. You’re trapped in his hypnotic slow blink as his eyes flash to your pursed lips.

“I think you’re lying.” He argues, a harsh whisper as his head tips against yours. Your breath leaves in a choked rush when he nuzzles his nose into the side of your head, teeth nipping your earlobe.

“Eddie.” You warn weakly, your hand splayed against his firm chest as you go to push him away, but Eddie has other ideas. He snatches your wrist up in a tight grip, guiding your hand slowly down his stomach until you're cupping his hard bulge. He’s hot under your touch and you both gasp in unison when he squeezes your hand against the heavy ridge of him under his denim.

“Eddie…” You try again halfheartedly, head knocking against his as his cock twitches at the breathy whimper of his name.

“Do you see what you do to me? You make me so hard." He rolls his hips up, drags his hard cock over your palm. His moan rumbles like thunder in his chest. “Want you so bad, I know you want me too.”

“It’s not gonna happen, Eddie.” You whisper back, try with all your might to steel yourself, to make your words sound steady and sure. You want to. Fuck, you really really want to. But there's still that part of you attempting to resist the burning flames of desire. “You’re a kid.”

“I’m not a fucking kid.” He growls, grips the underside of your knees to drag you further into him. You can feel him against the inside of your thigh, hot and pulsing and begging to be touched.

“It’s wrong, Eddie, please.” Your hands are braced against the counter as he presses his forehead to yours, pushes against you until your back is arched. Your core presses against his cock in the most agonizing way in this new position, stealing the breath from your lungs as he hovers his lips over yours.

“But it feels so good. Stop pushing me away. I’m a grown ass man, sweetheart.” His teeth drag quickly against your bottom lip and as he pulls away you chase after unconsciously, needing his touch -his taste- as much as he needs yours.

“Fuck, you’re not making this easy for me. I have morals, you know.” You’re whining, head rolling to the side as he slowly starts to grind his hips into yours.

“Oh, your poor morals.” His hand is gripping your jaw in an instant, fingertips digging almost too roughly into the soft hollow of your cheeks. “You’re so sure you’re gonna corrupt me, which is laughable. Don’t you see, baby?” Eddie soothes his thumb across your bottom lip, drags it down till it bounces gently back in place.

“I want you to corrupt me. Use me. Teach me everything you know, everything you want, so you’ll never need anyone but me.”

His words hit you square in the chest but he doesn’t give you a second to interrupt. He has a point to prove and nothing will stop him now.

“I know you feel it, this thing between us that I felt the moment I saw you in that sexy little robe and your muddy rain boots. That night changed everything for me. You’re the only person who really sees me. I know it. Just like I know how hard it’s been for you. Resisting me, telling yourself how wrong it is and then moaning my name when you touch yourself in the dark of your room while I’m right down the hall. You can’t deny the cold hard truth, Sweetheart.”

Your eyes widen as you pull away from him. He lets you create space, lets you digest the bomb he just dropped on you. He’d heard you that night. You’d been so careful, so quiet. At least you thought you had.

“Tell me you want me. Let me make you feel good, baby. I know you need it. It’s been so long, hasn’t it? Since someone has touched you; since someone made you come.” He’s so sure of himself. So sure that he’s hit the proverbial nail on the head. That he’s got you all figured out. You’re torn between giving him credit for being so observant and being pissed that he’s using it against you. But he’s not wrong. It’s been so long since you’ve allowed yourself to be swept off your feet by someone. So long since you’ve felt a touch other than your own and here he was offering himself up on a silver platter with the promise of rocking your world.

What was the use in fighting something that you both equally wanted? Two consenting adults giving in to the burning flames of desire.

“Eddie-” He cuts you off quickly, his hips still against you, his hands digging into your fleshy hips.

“Please, give me a chance.” His voice begs, thick with need and worry. He doesn’t want to go back to being alone if you say no. He’s well aware that the words leaving his mouth and the grip he has on you changes everything.

“Eddie.” You grab him by the tattered collar of his flannel, pull him in until your lips brush his. “Shut up and kiss me already.”

He wastes no time slamming his lips to yours in an eager sloppy kiss. You kiss him back, waiting for him to slow his pace, to calm down a little, but he just presses himself closer and grips the back of your neck in a shaky hold. The blunt crescent of his fingernails digs into the sensitive skin of your neck. His other hand leaves its bruising grip on your hip to hold you tight to him, chest to chest, hearts pounding in tandem against one another.

You let him lead, let him find his groove. Sloppy wet kisses turn slow and true, his nose bumping yours, his tongue licking into your mouth tantalizingly. The first time he does it you whimper, sure that if you had been standing you would have been weak in the knees. But you’re still locked onto the counter top, thighs clenched tightly around his waist, the heel of your foot digging into the backs of his thighs. You fought this for so long. One taste and now you’re not sure if you can let him go.

But that’s something to think about another time and not when Eddie has a handful of your breast, thumb rolling tight circles around your pebbled nipple that pokes through the fabric of your shirt.

“I knew you fucking wanted me.” He teases once he pulls away, a string of spit collected against kiss swollen lips. His breathing is heavy and his cheeks are ruddy and he looks so god damn beautiful in the soft lighting of your kitchen.

You know there's no stopping you now. No going back. You were always just preventing the inevitable. You want him, you always have, and here he is serving himself up on a silver platter.

"Shut up and fuck me already, you punk."

#eddie munson smut #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson angst #stranger things smut #stranger things fanfic #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson #stranger things

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ladykailitha · 10 months

Text

Royal Pain Part 28

Hello! This is the last chapter before the epilogue. I'm so grateful for everyone who's still reading this little big story. Longest thing I've ever written. It caps out at nearly 60k words. I want to thank the people who have been reading this since day one and all the people that joined us for the ride along the way.

I love reading your comments and theories. I especially loved reading the freak outs over cliffhangers and the abuse I piled on our poor boys. But I am a sucker for happy endings.

Also a little treat for @goodolefashionedloverboi who wanted this way back in part 21.

Pt 1 Pt 2 Pt 3 Pt 4 Pt 5 Pt 6 Pt 7 Pt 8 Pt 9 Pt 10 Pt 11 Pt 12 Pt 13 Pt 14 Pt 15 Pt 16 Pt 17 Pt 18 Pt 19 Pt 20 Pt 21 Meta Pt 22 Pt 23 Pt 24 Pt 25 Pt 26 Pt 27

***

“Steve!” Robin called out. “Your boyfriend is here!”

Steve came running out of the back room. His grin nearly split his face in two.

He lifted Eddie up and spun him around. Eddie laughed out loud.

“Put me down, you menace!” Eddie said between gasps of giggles.

Steve gently put him down. And then kissed him right in front of Robin.

Who promptly fake gagged.

“Shush you,” Steve said. “You should be grateful I didn’t let him keep me in bed this morning.”

Robin gasped. “Betrayal! And in front of my coffee no less!” She covered her coffee with her hands as if to shield it from the scene in front of her.

Eddie laughed. “Sorry there Birdie, it was a very near thing. I had to be bribed!”

She shook her head. “Go on, get! Before you ruin my coffee with your sugary sweetness.”

Steve and Eddie just smiled and walked back to Steve’s room, hands in each other’s back pockets.

Once they got to the room, Eddie was all over Steve. Hands tangled in his hair, lips on that perfect mouth. Gripping the back of Eddie’s shirt was all he could do to keep upright.

“Baby,” Eddie whined when they finally broke apart. “I missed you so much. I promise to never leave you like that again.”

Steve nuzzled their noses together and sighed happily. “I know, Eds. I missed you too.”

Eddie stepped back to take off his shirt and Steve scanned over the expanse of his chest.

Eddie caught the look and grinned. “No new tattoos, sweetheart. I don’t trust anyone else but you.”

Steve blushed. “That’s nice to hear, beautiful. But I was just ogling my boyfriend.”

Eddie laughed. “Yeah, okay that’s fair.” He walked over the chair and straddled it, resting his head on his folded arms.

“Let’s get this bad boy done, shall we?” Steve sighed happily.

“Sure thing, darlin’,” Eddie murmured. “Can’t wait.”

Steve started up his gun and got to work. All the while they chatted about the lighter stuff of the last three weeks. Eddie caught up on all the shop gossip.

“Honestly,” Steve said, “if Robin doesn’t pick soon, she’s going to be in the world’s most awkward polycule.”

Eddie laughed. “She’ll figure it out. But I guess Birdie really has a thing for redheads.”

Steve chuckled too. “Oh, yeah. Pretty much always had. Except once with Nancy back in high school. But that was more a ‘everyone had a crush on Nancy’ thing then a specific crush.”

Eddie hummed. “You said you had a thing for curly haired smart people with soulful eyes. You were talking about me too, right?”

Steve huffed out a laugh. “Oh yeah. I’m not a subtle person when it comes to my crushes. Pretty much everyone figures it out before I do. Except in your case. I’ve had a crush on you since high school.”

“Me too, Stevie.”

“It’s about time we got our heads out of our asses, then.”

Eddie murmured his agreement and they settled into a comfortable silence.

Robin was still going to kick Eddie’s ass for making Steve sad for two weeks, but after hearing it from him how much he hated touring and how much he missed Steve, she forgave him for the most part. He sounded like he had been more miserable than Steve and that was honestly saying something.

So she went to Corroded Coffin’s return concert at the Nightmare Holes and cheered loudly for them.

She also knew she had to chose between Chrissy and Vickie soon otherwise they were going to have a cat fight.

But Robin didn’t want to chose. She liked the attention from both girls plus it would be super awkward if she chose Vickie and Chrissy stayed at the shop. But it would also be awkward working with Vickie at the front desk if she picked Chrissy.

It was a mess.

But then a lightbulb dawned over her head. Maybe she didn’t have to chose.

She spoke to them on their way to the club and ended up dancing with both of them all night.

Steve waved at the rest of the band as Eddie dragged him to his car, eager to get back to Steve’s apartment.

Steve laughed as Eddie shoved him into the passenger seat of his own car and got in the driver’s seat.

“Someone’s in a hurry there,” Steve teased.

“Stevie darling,” Eddie said. “I am vibrating out of my skin here with anticipation and if I don’t see that tattoo of yours soon, I’m might go absolutely feral. Do you understand?”

He laughed. “Yeah, baby, I hear you.”

Eddie breathed out and drove to the apartment. They walked up the stairs and once the door was closed behind they were all over each other. Hands and mouths all over as they tumbled onto the sofa.

Shirts were the first to fly, Steve careful with Eddie’s still healing tattoo.

“Baby,” Eddie whined. “Is your tattoo healed?”

Steve wiggled underneath him. “For the most part, it’s been about two weeks.”

Eddie let out another whine. “This won’t hurt you?”

Steve shook his head. “The scab is already gone. I heal fast.”

Eddie undid Steve’s jeans and slid them down his legs. He looked up at Steve for permission for the final layer of clothes to be removed. Steve nodded and lifted his hips for Eddie to slide off his underwear.

Eddie gasped when he saw it.

His thumb gently rubbed over the tattoo. It wasn’t very large, about the size of a half dollar. It was a simple heart with bat wings and a little crown.

“Baby, is this us?” he asked, breathless.

Steve nodded. “Yeah, do you like it?”

“I love it, sweetheart,” Eddie whispered. “And when my back is done, I am going to get it done on me, too.”

Steve’s eyes glistened with happy tears. “Okay, yeah. Suddenly I need that.”

Eddie kissed him deeply. “Me, too. I need you so much.”

They got Eddie’s pants and underwear off and Steve moaned at the long, graceful lines of his boyfriend’s lean body.

“Fuck, Eds,” Steve murmured. “I can’t wait to taste you.”

Eddie threw his head back and moaned. They had to be careful with Eddie’s still healing back, but they managed to make do and had a great time.

Once they had cleaned up and dressed, Steve began making dinner.

“So how did your meeting with Murray Bauman go?” he asked as he fried up the chicken for fajitas.

“It went great,” Eddie said. “Cec is still going to bring the contract to one of his law professors to make sure he didn’t miss any hidden bullshit, but yeah. It seems like Corroded Coffin is going to make an EP.”

Steve hummed. “And that different than a full record, right?”

“Yeah,” Eddie said, nodding. “It’s about five songs. But it’s what most new artists get. The record company doesn’t want to spend a boat load of money on an LP only for the band to not go anywhere.”

“That makes sense,” Steve murmured. “And you guys are going to keep working at the Nightmare Holes?”

Eddie nodded again. “Yeah, and if the record hits big, we can renegotiate our contract with Rick to get more money each week.”

“That’s great,” Steve said with a smile.

“And you and your genius schedule is going to work out great,” Eddie said with an answering grin. “They’ll even send a car for us every time, too.”

“Wow,” Steve said. “That’s awesome. Looks like I’m going have a rockstar boyfriend.”

“A perfect compliment to my tattoo artist boyfriend.”

Steve came over to where Eddie was seated at the table to kiss him. “Perfect indeed.”

They had dinner and sat down to watch a movie. They curled up on the sofa and just enjoyed each other’s company. Like they had so many times before.

Other than the sex, they were still Eddie and Steve. They still enjoyed the same movies, food, and music that they did before they got together.

They were just finally on the same page.

Once the movie was over, Eddie pulled out his guitar.

“You ready for this, baby?” he asked as Steve turned to face him on the couch.

Eddie played the first song he wrote on the road, the one that made Jeff and the others cry.

Tears streamed down Steve’s cheeks, too. “I’m sorry you were so lonely, Eds. I’m glad you’re home now.”

“Me too, sweetheart,” he murmured. “But I think you’ll like this one more.”

And he play the most beautiful, heart-stoppingly romantic song Steve had ever heard and it was for him. About them. And he was crying for a completely different reason now.

“Sunshine,” Steve said through his tears. “That was amazing. They both were. Thank you for sharing them with me.”

Eddie kissed him fiercely over the guitar. “Just you wait, Stevie. You’re going to get a life time of sappy love songs.”

“And I’ll cherish every single one.”

They got ready for bed and snuggled up together, falling asleep in each other’s arms.

The next morning led to morning sex, showers, and breakfast, never too far apart.

They were getting ready for a walk in the park when they got to witness a Robin Buckley walk of shame.

She opened the door and jumped when she saw them. “Shit!”

Eddie and Steve shared a glance.

“And what time do you call this, young lady,” Eddie teased.

Robin blushed all the way to her roots. She pulled out her phone. “Uh...11:13am?”

Eddie cackled as Steve grinned.

“And which lovely lady did you go home with last night?” Steve asked.

Robin’s blush deepened. “Both?”

Eddie and Steve glanced at each other again.

“You want to repeat that?” Eddie asked.

She shrugged. “I couldn’t decide. And Chrissy had hit on Vickie before, which lead to us talking to Vickie and once it was made clear that it wasn’t just a one time threesome she decided she was down for poly relationship.”

Eddie and Steve both held up their fists for her to bump and she fist bumped them both at the same time.

“You go girl!” Eddie crowed.

“Hell, yeah, Robs,” Steve said. “That’s awesome!”

“Where are you two love birds going?” Robin asked.

“Just for a walk in the park.”

“Have fun.”

***

Epilogue

Tag list: @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @artiststarme @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 @pyrohonk @bookworm0690 @chaosgremlinmunson @goodolefashionedloverboi @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach @messrs-weasley @val-from-lawrence @plyerice27 @thedragonsaunt @sapphirecobalt-1 @a-little-unsteddie @i-must-potato @danili666 @carlyv @rozzieroos @wonderland-girl143-blog @itsall-taken @justforthedead89 @emly03 @aizawa-emma @yikes-a-bee @redfreckledwolf @thesuninyaface @bookbinderbitch @archermightbegay @littlewildflowerkitten @scheodingers-muppet @hallucinatedjosten @ellietheasexylibrarian @anne-bennett-cosplayer @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @bestwifehaver @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @oldwitcheshat @nightmareglitter @tinyplanet95 @novelnovella @jonesn4coffee @slowandsteddie @awkwardgravity1 @steaddie-on

#my writing #stranger things #steddie #ladykailtiha writes #tattoo artist steve

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sliipppy · 3 months

Text

Because I am insane and sleep deprived, here is my attempt to make sense of the batfamily ages and what I believe they are currently at, with full explanations. Fair warning, although I have done like, legit research and have reasonings, some of these still fit into headcanons.

Bruce - 45

Dick - 28

Babs - 30

Jason - 23

Tim - 21

Steph - 22

Cass - 23

Damian - 14

Duke - 17

Bruce is the oldest, obviously. However, when he first adopts Dick he is still young himself. Hence why along with their father-son relationship, they sorta have a brotherly relationship. (Specfically in classic comics, Bruce would often refer to him as a brother. ) I like how it complicates their relationship and how it shows he wasn't really ready to nessicarily handle a child. I like to hc that he got adopted at 8, which would make Bruce 25 when he adopted him.

It was difficult to settle on this age because the age in which Dick became Robin has been changed so many times. Originally, he was 7. New Teen Titans says he was 8. Other comics say he was 10, 12, and even 15. I feel like most people say 8, and for the sake of my own agenda, I'm saying 8, and you can not stop me.

I think 28 is a good age for Dick. Babs similarly should be around his age as they grew up together (at least in newer canon since she used to be quite a bit older.), but she's always been portrayed as older even when around her age, and to kinda account for the weirdness surrounding her age I put her as 30. She becomes Batgirl at 18, and likely becomes Oracle when she's in her 20s, probably around 23.

Batman tells Cass multiple times in Batgirl 2000 that she and Jason were the same age, so that makes it easier to rule the two together. Addiontally, Cass, Steph, and Tim are all around the same age range, Cass being the oldest, so that makes things easier too. Cass starts operating as Batgirl at 18 which would make Tim around 16 when she takes the cowl. This works since Tim became Robin at around 13 and he had been Robin for a good amount of time before Cass became Batgirl. I think it's a litttle longer than I'd like. But whatever. I was considering ignoring canon and saying he becomes Robin at 14, because I think 2 years as Robin before Cass rather than 3 is more fitting but whatever. It does fit since Tim was introduced way earlier than Cass, however real time doesn't really affect these ages. Anyways, big sister Cass supremacy I think people forget she's one of the oldest. I think she might have been de-aged to be around Tim's age but FUCK that she was originally Jason's age and this is my headcanon and I like to thing N52 didn't fuck everything up in my happy Tumblr space.

We know Steph is 1 year older than Tim because she's a freshman in college during Batgirl 2009, and he's a high-school dropout in Red Robin 2009 as he searches for Bruce. Stephanie becomes Spoiler at 15, and Robin at 16. She comes back when she's around 17-18. This lands our 2000s trio with ages at 23(Cass), 22(Steph), and 21(Tim).

Jason is a mess. At least I thought he would be, but it actually turned out kinda perfect. We know Jason and Cass are the same age, so he's at 23 with her. He becomes Robin at 12, and dies at 15. He comes back as Red Hood at 18 and was dead for around 3 years. Jason Todd is 18 when he comes back to life because right before War Games, Bruce takes Cass to Jason's grave, on his 18th birthday!!! and of course the event that acts as a sort of aftermath to War Games is Under the Red Hood so Jason is 18 when he first becomes Red Hood. Cass is still a fairly new character when UTRH happens, so i think her being 18-19 when he comes back fits well. Tim being around 16 kinda fits nice too as hes around the same age as Jason when he died. I think Steph being so close in age also helps since so many parallels are drawn between the two.

Detective Comics #790

Duke is still a teenager, and he is regarded to be one of the youngest bats, but still quite a bit older than Damian. In We are Robin, Duke is 16, as shown in the who are the robins bonus art. He is still a newer character and hasn't been Signal for long. I assume that by the time Batman and the Signal rolls around, he's 17 and is still currently 17.

We are Robin #4

I'm pretty sure Damian was 14 in Robin (2021) but I could be wrong it's been a while since I've read it and I never finished it so idk if he ever aged since then. He became Robin at 10, so in those 4 years, he's obviously grown and matured a lot, but I mean, who doesn't those are formative years. I was gonna bump him up to 15. However, this doesn't work. He is supposed to be 10 while Tim is 17. (Babs says he's ten during Batgirl 2009, and we established Tim is 17 during this.) To keep it consistent with the others, I'm keeping Damian at 14.

Batgirl 2009 #17

Feel free to correct anything I said here if it's incorrect. I am not perfect nor all-knowing. Also I'm horrible with math and numbers so I probably fucked something up here so feel free to make fun of me for that. Or you can make fun of the issues I have below.

Issues :

Dick can't be Robin at 8 if I stick with these ages because that would mean at the time Tim is 1 which means he wouldn't even be able to remember the show which means he would never be Robin.

I would've liked Bruce to be a little younger when first taking Dick in, but also I think Bruce is at his best when he's a middle aged man and I didn't want him to be below 45 because I wanted him to be on his late 40's.

It's hard to characterized Duke after We Are Robin because he's supposed to he a teenager, however he was 16 in We Are Robin and it feels like he should have been Signal for a bit longer than that. This isn't as big of a deal, because I still think it's believable for him to have only been signal for about a year, and it's mainly just DC inconsistency, but it still bugs me.

Damian's entire age is sorta messy and there's definitely issues with it lol.

I think Cass' age is around the same as Tim's post 52 to fit with him since their the same generation. But i chose to ignore that, and you can't stop me I choose what canon I want.

ヽ(o´3`o)ﾉ

Anyways, if you've read all of this, I fear you might be a little crazy. However, thank you!!!!!! Feel free to like leave your own opinion/headcanons. I LOVE hearing them. Thank you! Bye!

#batman #dc comics #dc #im kinda insane #batfamily #batfam #comics #cassandra cain #robin #delirious tumblr user slippy rants

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sometimes-men-need-help-too · 1 year

Text

I wanted to share this reddit post with you. The comments are primarily in his favor so I don't have any screenshots to share. It's just crazy. So this guy was asking if he was in the wrong for asking his girlfriend to use a different body wash. Here's the original post:

The main thrust of this post is, I am allergic to nuts and my girlfriends bodywash contains almond oil. It isn't life threatening for me to come in contact with it but it does cause hives. I asked my girlfriend (Jess) to change the body wash she uses as I am getting hives from residue of her body wash in the shower.

Jess was initially fine with it after a small back and forth but has since spoken to friends and believes that I am being too controlling, as do her friends. My friends are mostly neutral with a couple saying that I need to "nut up" and let her use whatever she wants.

A little bit of added context is that we recently decided we wanted to move in together and decided to do a "trial run" as Jess still lives with her parents and I rent my own place. So it's easy enough for her to move in with me for a few months to see if living together full time works for us.

It's never been a problem before now as I've never had a reaction from touching Jess after she uses it, but I am having a reaction from the residue that is left in the shower, usually on the removable shower head which I need to use to get clean because I'm a big dude and just leaving it up there doesn't reach everywhere.

Jess has always been aware of my allergies, she doesn't eat nuts if she knows we're going to do anything together and the few times when she has, she thoroughly brushes her teeth before seeing me.

And here's the update:

I know that I only responded to like one comment, but the amount that I received was honestly overwhelming. So, thank you to everyone who responded. I did read all of them. I thought I'd post this update to tell you guys what happened and explain a little bit of why I made the initial post. For those who were wondering about ages, I'm 21 and Jess is 25. My friends hover around my age and hers hover around her age.

I wish I could come back and say that I had seen my own value and got myself out of the relationship, but the truth is that Jess broke up with me two days after the post. I was still thinking, and she asked to meet up to discuss things. I went in hoping for the best but was met by her telling me that it wasn't working, and she didn't see a future for us where we're both happy. That hurt a lot.

I've spent the past few days sort of realising how stupid my original post here was, OF COURSE I'm not an asshole for not wanting to come into contact with something I'm allergic to.

I think a lot of you probably wondered why I even had to ask. The truth is that I felt like I was going crazy. I genuinely liked and respected her friends, I thought they were really smart. So, to be told that this was the opinion of my girlfriend as well as theirs made me take it very seriously. When I went to my friends and received no support or validation, I started to convince myself that I was wrong.

I also actually learned from the comments that continued exposure could worsen my reactions so that's handy to know now.

This is so messed up. I have a pretty serious garlic allergy that I have to take precautions for so I get it. The reaction from the friends just screams ignorance to me. It isn't about control, it's about his life. Besides, even if he would never have a bad reaction, it's still something that should be respected.

#double standards #relationships #reddit

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archivalofsins · 6 months

Text

Let's just barrel through these what's the last question I discussed again-

Oh, yeah the third.

How many in are we now? Eight- There's eight now. Gunsli what exactly have you been doing? Honestly I've been working on the ocmilgram with Star and also watching Utena. Outside of that I'm going to level with you all. I'm actually bored with Kotoko's interrogation.

These questions are like the worst of trial two. It's like no one even knows who Kotoko is as a character. So, let's break down why I feel this way while emphasizing what I meant when I said if a person tells you who they are fucking believe them.

(Editted: 04/02/24 2:00pm For clarity and to add extra information that was neglected due to the draft glitching out like several times and me just wanting to be done.)

Q.04 How familiar are you with the other prisoners' changes?

Kotoko: Wouldn’t you know more about that? What I have is just from things I’ve observed and a bit of prior knowledge. I’ve been collecting information on criminals for a while after all.

I'm going to try to be brief with this question because all the ones after this go rather in depth. So, here's a list of all the times Kotoko has expressly stated that she's gathering information on the prisoners as she goes.

Kotoko's Trial One Voice Drama,

"Guard-san. No... Es. Don't you want to join forces with me? I think the two of us would make good partners."

Join forces with you?

"With you, in the role of the Prison Guard with the information that you gather from interrogations, and me, in the role of Prisoner with the information I gather from my daily life here- Working together and sharing our findings. What do you think?"

Kotoko states from the beginning that she will use her position as a prisoner to gather information on the other prisoners.

Basically, offering to be a mole for Es or go undercover. Pretending to be just another prisoner while secretly having an alliance with the guard and feeding them information on the others. Now it's up to personal opinion whether she's good at that or not. Especially since she completely throws that idea to the wayside in favor of being hired muscle as soon as her behavior is validated.

However, she does blatantly admit that she doesn't know much about the prisoners which is why she plans to observe them or has already started observing them in some cases. As she flatly states that she's already been observing someone.

If you're going there, then I'll ask. When did you sneak into the interrogation room? Even if it's true that you saved me, I don't remember promising to forgive you for that rogue-like behavior.

"Is that so? Then I'd like to ask; is Milgram purposefully designed in that way?"

Designed that way as in... Letting prisoners do what they want?

"You should be the one to know about this. The cells here don't even have locks."

I... should know?

"For example, me being suspicious of Mikoto Kayano's actions, carefully tracking him and his behavior, it's all under your permission."

Then the information she gives Es within her first voice drama to prove how useful she could be is all stuff she and the audience were capable of observing through Milgram.

21/10/26 (Kotoko’s First Trial)

Kotoko: ……come, Es. Let’s fight together.

"Heh..... It seems like, as always, you're a stubborn one."

Say that again, why don't you.

"Haruka Sakurai. There's more vigor to his actions than before. Although he comes off as weird and immature, it appears that he now has a budding interest in the conversations of those around him."

21/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Haruka: U-uh, um, Futa-kun! Um! Um!!

Futa: Huh? Shut up already… Didn’t I already say not to make a big fuss about my birthday. I’m not some kid who gets excited by stuff like that anymore!

Haruka: ……?? Ah, er, i-is it your birthday……? Th-that, ah, um, h-happy birthday……

Futa: ………… You will tell nobody about this conversation.

21/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, are you awake……? Happy birthday.

Haruka: M-Mu-san? I… I-I’m awake…… Th-thank you, very much. I’m… glad……

Mu: ………… Shall we talk? You know, recently I’ve been pretty interested in you.

Haruka: ……!! I-in me…? Hehe, hehehe…… interested, in me.

1/09/02 (Yuno’s Birthday)

Haruka: Y-Yuno-san. Good morning! T-today’s your birthday, right……? Ha-happy birthday……!!

Yuno: Oooh…… Thanks? You’ve definitely changed a bit huh, Haruka. You speak a little louder now, and actually look people in the eyes when you talk.

Haruka: Eh, ah, i-is that so…… I wasn’t, aware of it myself, but...... Heh, hehe. Is that so.

Yuno: Ding ding! My sensor is telling me…… this is probably a girl’s influence. Well, everyone here is slowly changing, I guess. Even me.

...

"On the outside, Yuno Kashiki doesn't seem to have changed much. However, I think her habbit of going along with others all willy-nilly is fading out. Or maybe the real Yuno Kashiki is only starting to reveal herself now."

21/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: Yuno. Don’t you have something to say to me?

Yuno: Huh? To you? Me? ……ahh, uh? Your birthday, right? Happy birthday~

Mu: How mean… Since it’s my birthday, I really wish you’d said something before I had to come and tell you myself.

Yuno: Right, right, I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful in future~ Later! Haha… things have become even more of a bother… ……so was that Mu-chan’s real personality, then? It’s probably because the guard did something, right?

Hey, what kind of performance is this?!

"Futa Kajiyama has definitely undergone a major change. He's now lashing out at others less and less, although he's justifying and defending himself more than ever-"

21/01/17 (Mahiru’s Birthday)

Mahiru: Fufu, it’s a special day today. I can’t help but feel something good’s going to happen.

Futa: What’s with all the muttering to yourself. It’s creepy.

Mahiru: Geez, you really don’t understand, Futa-kun. You’ll never have a proper romance with that attitude!

Futa: Who cares. Obviously this is because today’s your birthday. It’s just the day you happened to be born, it doesn’t mean anything. Here, I’ll give you my tomato, so just shut up and eat it. That’s your birthday present, so be grateful.

21/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ……ah, Futa? What’s up? Did you come to celebrate my birthday?

Futa: Hah!? Like I care about your birthday. ……what’s up with you, though, you’re usually a lot more excited. I thought you were the sort of idiot who’d make a big deal over your birthday.

Mikoto: Yeah, usually that’d be the case. ……I think I must be getting tired. It’s like I’m anxious over something but I can’t really explain what it is…… Like, the feeling that I’ve been totally wrong about something. Haha, but it’s not like talking to you about it is gonna do anything.

Futa: Yeah, yeah, just like you say. Talking to me about it isn’t gonna help. ……but, it’s not like I don’t get what you’re saying. Or rather, I understand exactly what you mean. And if it’s the same thing as I’ve been feeling, then it will just get stronger as time goes on…… probably. But anyway, rather than talking to someone like me you should go and bother the others. Go and get showered with their stupid birthday wishes.

KOTOKO-

"Heheh... Have you realized... That following their interrogations, all of the prisoner's actions and intentions have gone on to change?"

Literally every detail she brings up about the prisoners in her first voice drama are things that were covered and alluded to within the portal timeline conversations that took place before her trial. One of said interactions concerning Futa directly involving a man she admits to stalking. So, she more than likely overheard that interaction.

Oh, but now from this answer we know that she had some prior knowledge, isn't that interesting?

NO! Of course, she'd have fucking prior knowledge and got damn it I'm sick of bringing this up but-

Kazui states in his first voice drama

"Murderous, huh...? Well, I won't deny that."

Mm? You’re acknowledging it, huh?

“I do. At the very least, I believe I’m a murderer. And I regret it. Not that there’s any use to that remorse.”

“Use to your remorse”…?

“Putting that aside, what even is your source of information? I don’t think there are many people other than myself who would consider me a murderer.”

What do you mean?

“For example, why would someone gather a bunch of acquitted murderers together and try to make them repent?”

It's confirmed through articles in Deep Cover that Kotoko was in fact taken to court for her actions and acquitted. This makes it more likely that even though Kazui states what he's giving is an example it's more than likely what's actually occurred and he's just being indirect to see how much Es actually knows.

Considering that there were articles on Kotoko's case there's a chances that their are articles on all of the other prisoners cases as well. Except unlike Kotoko who genuinely feels she has done nothing wrong and any decent person will agree with her and has no issues displaying that information because of it. The others have rightfully avoided disclosing hard information on the cases they've been involved with more so focusing on their subjective feelings on the situation.

Yet, we have allusions to there being consequences for their actions outside of Milgram from the beginning.

This is seen in the board from After Pain,

Brought up in Kazui's first voice drama and written interrogation,

"I don’t think there are many people other than myself who would consider me a murderer."

Q.08 Which do you prioritise between logic and feelings?

Kazui: I put my feelings first and it ended badly. So, I don’t want to act just based on feelings again.

Q.13 Who do you want to see right now?

Kazui: They won’t see me anymore.

This is also shown through the ending of Bring It On.

So, if one has been paying attention to all of the prisoners stories her having some prior knowledge wouldn't be surprising or new information either. Kotoko is shown getting all her information from online and even looking into articles pertaining to her own case where her name isn't mentioned. It isn't hard to believe while looking into stuff for that she came across articles on the other prisoners cases as well. Especially since she states this in regards to Futa,

Q.09 Which of the other prisoners do you think resembles you the most?

Kotoko: That’s a hard one. I’m only able to answer based on my guess on what they did. But I think the one that probably resembles me the most is Futa? Though he’s also the person who resembles me the least.

If the other prisoners cases were like hers and their names not mentioned within articles discussing them than it's no surprise she can only guess what they may have done.

Yet if she was looking into cases similar to her own and came across Futa's that would add depth to her wanting to see what his justice was and her taking a bit of an interest in him from the start.

Q.05 How do you deal with evil that can’t be bested by strength?

Kotoko: Force it so that it can. No matter how long it takes, no matter what means I’ll need to use.

If she can't use her excessive violence in broad daylight because there's a chance someone will stop her- She'll wait and watch as a crime happens just so who she wants to hurt is by themselves when she attacks and no one can interrupt.

Hell, she'll even go home and change clothes then come back instead of helping immediately.

Then she'll say she caught the person in the act of abducting a child and they got into a scuffle to cover her own ass.

From the beginning Kotoko has shown the sort of person she is. She hasn't covered it up in the slightest. Of course, if there's a situation where she can't use force, she'll simply create one. She showed the audience her doing this three times already.

We see her do this in Harrow then she does it over the course of the intermission as well.

Though most importantly in my opinion she was introduced to the audience while doing this. From the beginning Kotoko has made her dislike of Mikoto incredibly clear.

20/07/01

Mikoto: Hey, hey, Koto-chan. I’ve been thinking this ever since I first heard your name, but don’t you think the names “Mikoto” and “Kotoko” kinda sound like siblings?

Kotoko: No.

Mikoto: Don’t say that! Let’s get along well from here on as the Koto-Koto combo!

Kotoko: I’m not doing that.

20/08/03

Mikoto: By the way, Koto-chan. Who’s stronger between you and Kazu-san? You both know martial arts, right?

Kotoko: ……if it was a fair one-on-one fight, probably Kazui.

Futa: Isn’t that obvious? What a stupid question. There’s no way a girl could win in a fight against a man. This is real life, not a manga. There’s too big a difference in body size. And that’s what determines the weight of your attacks.

Kotoko: ……Futa’s not entirely wrong there. In a lot of martial arts, they specifically split up divisions based on body weight for that reason. I’m bantam, and he’d probably be either cruiser or heavy. Well, I’d still break an arm or two though.

20/10/07 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ■■…… gh…… Gah…… ■■…… aaa…… nh…… ■…… ■■■■■……!

Kotoko: …………hm. Have you finally calmed down? Kayano Mikoto.

Kotoko: ………… So you want me to wish you a happy birthday? I don’t really mind, but is that really something for you to be saying to me?

Mikoto: You’re the last person I need to have the whole group. If there was just one person left it’d be bugging me all night and I’d never get to sleep, right? At times like this you have to abandon your pride and just say something, right~?

Kotoko: Ok, here you go. Happy birthday. ……if this is what will help you sleep soundly.

Mikoto: Oh, thanks! Now I don’t need to worry~

21/08/13 (Mikoto’s First Trial)

Mikoto: Ugh… ow, ow…… Ahh, first I get stepped on, then I get kicked, what even is this……

Kotoko: ……welcome back. How was it?

Mikoto: Ah, Koto-chan, I’m back. Honestly, where do I even start!? Just look at this lump on my head! It’s huge! I don’t even remember what happened, but this is violence!

Kotoko: Hm… How unfortunate.

The Second Trial Teaser Movie

"What do you think? Does it hurt? Purge complete. This is the appropriate punishment."

22/12/15 (Kotoko’s Birthday)

Mikoto: Ah, Koto-chan. It’s been a while. Both of us have kinda split off from the group, but how’ve things been? A lot’s happened, but fr now let’s try to get along. I mean, it’s your birthday today, right? I got the feeling nobody else was going to do anything, so I came to celebrate.

Kotoko: ……how carefree. It doesn’t matter, a villain like you won’t be forgiven next time either. And when that time comes, it’ll be the end for you. I’ll make sure of it myself.

Mikoto: Ahh?? Just try and do it, you nutjob. I’ll crush anyone who hurts me…… You’re gonna be totally beaten at your own game……! [TN: The word “me” here uses first person pronoun “boku”.]

Kotoko: Hm. The border between the two is getting a lot vaguer. Your entire existence is a crime. And I will see you’re punished for it. That is what Milgram, and Es, and I have chosen.

Double

Why, why, if only I were never born, if only- Why, why, I’m so sorry.

Deep Cover

"Don’t remember a thing, not a thing, poor Me poor Me."

Kotoko First Trial Written Interrogation

Q.14 Are there any prisoners you don’t get on with?

Kotoko: Mikoto. He’s loud and bothersome.

She even admits to stalking Mikoto outright in her first trial voice drama and disliking him from the beginning.

"For example me being suspicious of Mikoto Kayano's actions, carefully tracking him and his behavior. It's all under your permission."

In deciding whether to forgive or not... One has to observe the human nature...

"It's something like that."

Because she had her suspicions about him. Because he was annoying and loud. Because she doesn't think he should even exist. Which is why she says this to Es in regards to saving them in her first voice drama,

"What's this, staring at me with that expressionless face of yours?"

Last time... Thanks for watching out for me.

"Heh, I should be the one thanking you."

Because it was never about helping anyone. It was about making sure the people she doesn't believe should exist stop existing. If it was ever about protecting anyone she would have intervened as soon as she saw a crime in progress not just stand by and let it happen until the person she wanted to attack guard was down the most.

Because as she continued to say-

"Everytime death comes the soul moves forward."

"I want a reason for judgment execution, I want it."

"So make yourselves my reason."

"Becoming light-headed again, it all becomes crazy. The normalcy sought for, Fading away, Everytime death comes The soul moves forward."

"I wanna perpetrate, the justice I’ve been looking for. I wanna crush, that nasty destiny. So ridiculous, so ridiculous. Come on, rely on me, go on."

In order for Kotoko to commit the justice she seeks, to enact violence she wants to while feeling vindicated in doing so a victim is needed. Whether that victim is currently being victimized or was victimized earlier doesn't matter as seen through the second man she jumped in both Harrow and Deep Cover.

In Mikoto's first voice drama Es filled the same role that the child in Deep Cover did.

All these "weaklings" were and always have been are an excuse for her to do something she already wanted to do. It doesn't matter how hurt they get in the process because the more hurt they are the more vindicated she can feel.

Q.06 Don’t you feel scared of killing people?

Kotoko: If it’s for the world. How I feel about it is completely irrelevant.

This is basically a reiteration of her first interrogation question 12 and her second trial glitched voiceline.

Trial 1 Written Interrogation

Q.12 What is your motto?

Kotoko: “There’s no other way that could let us live, so I walk this path.” [TN: Quote from Mushanokouji Saneatsu.]

MILGRAM / The Second Trial Character Voice Trailer [Full Ver.]

"From the beginning I've never asked for your understanding! My actions, one by one, are bringing Earth closer to peace. Useless Weaklings should just shut up and let me protect them!"

Q.07 Why did you choose law school?

Kotoko: Because I have my suspicions. That’s the majority of my reason to why I chose to study it. Cause it’s unsightly to spout complaints without having proper knowledge

This sentence while it may make sense as a translation is a bit clunky in English to me. So, I asked @doctorbunny about it and he graciously broke it down for me.

疑問があるから = gimon ga aru kara = because there are/I have doubts

学びのきっかけなんてそういうものたし = manabi no kikkake nante souiumono tashi = That's my excuse/motive for wanting to study/learn [law]

ろくに知識も得ないまま。文句だけ言っているのは醜いではく = roku ni chisiki mo enai mama. monku dake itteiru nowa minikui dewaku(?)

The question mark there is indicative of his uncertainty on the last kana in this phrase. However, he stated the sentence can still mostly be read as-

"Not knowing enough but still complaining [about something] is unslightly."

This was how he ended up translating her answer as a whole,

Kotoko: Because I had some doubts about it. That's my excuse for wanting to study it. I think complaining about something you don't fully understand is disgraceful.

I personally find this way of translating it easier to comprehend. Plus it aligns with her annoyance during this interaction with Futa,

20/06/06

Futa: Ahh...... This is really pissing me off. I can't believe they won't let us have computers or phones in here...... Don't they understand our human rights? I'm gonna ask them for better treatment.

Kotoko: Human rights for murderers, huh...... Well, it's not like there aren't any facilities that are like that. For example, in Norway, the Halden Prison allows its prisoners access to computers. Not only do their cells not have iron bars locking them in, but apparently, they're even allowed to return to their houses and go out shopping. Even compared to this place, it's very lax. But as a result, the rate of second offences in Norway is the lowest in the world......

Futa: Ahh. Yeah, Norway! That famous thing they have there! It just shows they respect their prisoners' rights. On that point, you can really tell Japan is lagging behind the rest of the world. Because all our politicians here are just idots.

Kotoko: ......I'm the idiot for expecting to get a reasonable debate here.

Kotoko gets upset not only because Futa just agrees with her outright but because she engaged in the conversation with good faithat all. Thinking that he'd know at least a little bit on what he was complaining about. Outside of just spouting surface level nonsense. This is why she immediately blames herself and not Futa.

Along with why she says this in her first trial written interrogation-

Q.09 Which of the other prisoners do you think resembles you the most?

Along with showing a genuine interest in him within the portal timeline as we discussed before-

20/09/18 (Futa’s First Trial)

Futa: Haa…… haa…… Ok……

Kotoko: What’s up, Futa. ……your breathing seems a bit uneven.

Futa: Huh!? I’m getting ready to fight. That guard is looking down on all of us……!

Kotoko: ……hmm. Is that so…… I’m looking forward to it. To seeing what your “justice” really is.

However, we see in Deep Cover and through her first written interrogation that she was not impressed by what she found.

Bringing back the cocky hero again? How embarrassing.

She admits that she and Futa are the most similar and dissimilar. They are dissimilar because she finds the way Futa does things childish and at times not going far enough. She find it's embarrassing trying to act like the hero who blows the horn of justice, gives out warnings, and stops when apologies are made.

"Now let’s be reasonable. We are the ones that blow the horn for justice We will punish you down, this is a warning."

It's not out of line to think that she'd find his way of implementing justice a bit naieve. Their first trial songs even contrast eachother lyrically to better highlight these differences in opinion and methods.

"All evil hypocrites should disappear I won’t stop until you say “sorry”. Now let’s begin to hunt down the liars."/ "It’s a tie after saying sorry? What are you hoping for?"

"Fuck it! You won’t be forgiven, it was stupid licking each other’s wounds Justice assemble! Till the end!"

Q.02 Have you heard of the ‘Justice Alliance’?

Kotoko: What. I don’t know what that is but it’s probably useless if they need to band together to achieve justice.

"It was stupid licking each other’s wounds." - "Oh no, surrounded, lynched by the masses!"

"Pressure, pressure! Applause receding far away. Me, the result of blame-shifting, no, can’t find that funny. With just one mistake and I’m out of chances Bless me, please, with one more chance. It’s not even my fault, not even slightly."

"Everyone else was having fun weren't they? What about them? Why is it just me?"/ It’s probably useless if they need to band together to achieve justice.

"Let’s keep on winning till the end- Assemble! Assemble!"

Q.06 Do you remember the name of the person you killed?

Futa: I think I remember. I saw it a lot.

Q.16 Do you have a lot of online friends?

Futa: I don’t know whether they count as friends or not. There are people that I can get excited about the same stuff together with, but I don’t know if I can really call them that.

Q.09 What do you think about the first trial’s results?

Futa: You and me are the same, aren’t we.

"Pick up your mouth-piece."

"Grind your teeth and strike a pose."

"Just like O2, burn yourselves into oblivion. Burn, burn! Open this door and check if you want to I’ll deign to hear your last words if you want, a vanishing FIRE."

Tangent aside-

Kotoko has shown that she likes to know what she's talking about before discussing it. At least that's her own understanding of herself.

This is how she misleads herself into believing she's being objective. However, like Yuno pointed out in her second voice drama Kotoko is the type to come to conclusions without discussing things with others and then act on what she's concluded.

She's the sort to form an opinion first then go to look into the subject only to find justifications for what she'd already assumed before going in. She's a cherry picker.

The Cherry Picking Fallacy is when a person or group carefully and purposefully only picks out and puts forth facts that support their point while conveniently omitting anything outside of that.

It's something that many people in fandom spaces should be used to. Since those within said spaces have been known to do that with the media they discuss. A good example of this is the post I made on nuance a while back and how it's basically used as a blanket statement term to belittle and discount genuine discussion around a media or it's characters. This extends to calling any discussion around a character that is not praising said character misogyny, misandry, sexist, homophobic, racist etc. A bunch of real things that can impact fandom in a myriad of ways but are not applied equally when discussing a media. Regardless of what media it is.

These terms are usually reserved for a select few topics of discussion within the space in order for certain diehard fans to go stop being mean to my fave. Sure, I may not do anything about these issues in real life and it may seem like I don't care how my obsession impacts real marginalized individuals but stop saying mean things about my favorite little projection box please.

That's how Cherry Pickers are they don't care about how well you state your point. Because they've already drawn a conclusion about you or the subject you're discussing and are only looking for ways to prove themselves right through whatever way possible. Even if they have to force it. Even if they have to make shit up. Even if they have to say the group or person who made the media made it wrong.

It does not matter. They do not care. They will say whatever and pick out the tiniest thing from what you said to get mad about. Because they decided before coming into this they were mad and you were wrong. So, that's how they're going to behave. They're going to be mad and state that you're wrong. The only thing you can do is decide how seriously you're going to take a person like that.

Logically Fallacious Lucid Philosophy

A cherry picker will see ten times something has failed each time someone brings up a time it has worked.

Kotoko is the same exact way when it comes to law. She's already concluded that it's flawed. She's just looking for more ways to highlight how.

This is shown off within her first voice drama.

"Yuzuriha Kotoko, twenty years old. I'm a university student, but I dropped out. Thinking of it now that the interrogation's started, I'm still not planning to tell you much about myself."

Excuse me?

"At least not before I know what your intentions are."

Hah? What in the world do you mean?

"I'll confirm this with you once more. Milgram... Everyone in this place is a murderer, right?"

Of course. Milgram says all ten of you are murderers. This is Milgram's unshakeable first requirement.

Kotoko introduces herself and bluntly states that she has dropped out of law school. Over the course of her first trial voice drama she ends up alluding to why this is.

Then bluntly states why in her first written interrogation,

Q.07 What did you study at university?

Kotoko: Technically, I’m studying law. I’m on a break right now because there’s something else, I want to do, though.

This time instead of saying she dropped out she says she's on break because there's something else that she wants to do which is taking priority. Given the change in her wording here it is possible that the verdict had an impact on how she viewed attempting to continue school. Casuing her mindset to move toward ways to correct the issues with the law within the system, instead of working entirely outside of it.

It would be a subtle change but it is one none the less.

However, this may not be due to the verdict at this point at all. She could have this view on the law simply because it's aided her in getting away with the things she's done in the past. It can be used to justify her previous actions in the situation she finds herself in now too.

Since Kotoko also brings up the law to defend her actions to Es later on in her first voice drama claiming what she did was justifiable self-defense. A lot of the prisoners in Milgram fall back on their old habbits when defending themselve from criticism in Milgram now. The series has highlighted this as well as it possibly can. Kotoko's first voice dramas being one of the best examples of this. We'll go further into Kotoko's first voice drama in the second part.

"To conclude, I've come up with a hypothesis. I think this is a place with the goal of determining the good and evil of the truth."

The good and evil of the truth?

"Is it really necessary? Ignoring the World's pre-existing methods of judging evil, going through all the effort to gather up this group of murderers, questioning whether or not they have sinned? We're told that we are prisoners, but we are not restrained and are even given the right to roam this place freely. What's the point in prying into their true nature to judge them?"

...

"Even if you think otherwise, Milgram has to be the result of someone who considers the modern judgment of good and evil unsound."

You're not wrong. Milgram doesn't rely on the law as a basis. It's the same with my judgments... All this time, I've been finding my own basis...

"Hmm~ We can really work together."

Kotoko states that she can really work together with Es once they admit to her that they aren't judging the prisoners based off the law but their own feelings. Once she is told the system she has stated having her doubts about isn't a determining factor within Milgram she's quick to relax. Even going on to state.

"This is a really unbelievable, unreal place. But personally, I don't find it that bad. It's even helped me reduce my workload."

Then elaborating further,

"Heh, I want to be like you."

"I refuse to tolerate sin."

Just don't refuse to wait for the next part of this post. Because this one has too many images! Unlike the second part of that Amane post this is literally almost done. While with the Amane post... You know when you start something and stop midway then like forget everything due to life shit- So, it's just in limbo always at the back of your mind ringing a little bell like task not completed to the point that you don't know how you'd live without that over your head.

The second part of that Amane post is at that point. I'm so afraid of touching the part two draft of that one. That I just don't anymore but literally this other thing is mostly written. I literally just had to transfer it to a different draft from this post because this one went over the image limit. I have been writing this all day.

I am not paid for this; I am very broke... This is a labor of love. Please if you have issues with this don't take it up with me just write your own post. I've been writing this since eleven am, it is thirty minutes past midnight, and it isn't completely done. So yeah, this is what it is for now. I'm gonna keep trying my best to show my appreciation and interest in this series in my own way.

Hopefully, everyone else can do the same.

I am going to pass out now.

#milgram #kotoko yuzuhira

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audrak79 · 1 month

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Broken, but not beyond repair...

I never imagined that at 45, having been married 24 years, and having spent 29 years in that same relationship, that I would be working through a divorce. I have worked in the legal field helping others through their divorces for 27 years. The story of how I got here is not for all to know and certainly not something to share like this. It’s a story that affects many and, while their story is part of mine, that does not mean I have a right to air it all out.

A big part of my story began when I was 16. I had no clue who I was, where I was going, what I wanted to be, I was just a baby and knew one thing... I wanted out of where I was and I knew there had to be something better. What happened from here many would call a fairy tale. Much of it seemed that way. But as with any relationship, it had its problems, ups and downs. I’ve learned a lot in my life, most of it the hard way. As with any relationship, we both could have and should have done better, worked harder for it. Life gets exhausting and people change. And while we can't change people or stop them from changing, we CAN control what we tolerate and how we respond to what’s in front of us.

The last 3 years have been the toughest 3 years of my life. It’s been trying on our family. That’s a story and testimony for another blog... when the time is right. Trauma affects our whole story and the stories of those closest to us and sometimes it even branches out further than that. As Pastor Mike Todd has said, “what you don’t transform, you transfer.” Before you start a relationship, you should know your own identity or you will take on that of others and try to make them your own. Process your own trauma. You can't expect a good relationship if you don’t feel you can share your trauma because you've never faced it head on and you try to pretend it never happened. Get comfortable with yourself so that you can be vulnerable without fear of shame or embarrassment. It's hard to help someone through their trauma if you've never addressed your own. Faking it only causes bitterness, anger, anxiety, depression, stonewalling etc. and just as you can't control someone or change others, you can’t control their healing either, and you certainly won't help them when you ignore your own hurt. One thing I wish for every human, and I am still working on, is that we could all master the art of good communication. Listening more, talking less. Communicating expectations so assumptions don't leave one hurt unnecessarily. Sometimes a person just needs to know they are heard.

I've made poor choices, I'll continue to make poor choices. But I'm going to strive each day to make better choices. I'm going to try starting fresh and this time around, NOT do things out of order. I'm going to stay firm and grounded in Christ, so much that it spews out in everything I do and I will not be ashamed or embarrassed of what that looks like. I will love so hard that it makes others wonder where it comes from and plants a seed to be watered that has them seeking the Lord because they need that kind of joy in their life. I will forgive more as I also need forgiven and holding onto that seed of offense only allows a root of bitterness to grow. Life is painful. Words hurt. Life and death are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21) and it takes a lifetime of practice. Out of the heart the mouth speaks (Luke 6:45), which is why we need to check our hearts before we speak.

Regret.... without the poor decisions I've made, I may never have come to know who I am, I wouldn't have some of the greatest things and experiences that I have had. While I have regret for any harm I may have done to others, and I am sad and even disappointed in myself for the way I have handled some things, I am not sure I would wish for things to have been different. In a perfect world, sure, but we live in a broken world and I'm going to pray that God will continue to make beauty from my ashes, even from the dumpster fires that I caused or fanned into flame. What I CAN do is, instead of focusing on what I did wrong or could have done better... repent, turn, start new, fresh, and try harder to simply be a better reflection of Christ today than I was yesterday. I know I will never regret following Him.

So, excuse me while I heal. It looks different for everyone and while this seems like a new life event as social media and public appearances paint a pretty picture, it may not be as fresh as the picture was painted. I'll likely not be on social media for a while other than to share an occasional Word from God with a picture of my coffee. I trust that those closest to me will reach out personally and directly. My profiles have my contact info in them. God is good, even when we aren't. Trust the process. Be willing to be refined in the fire. I promise, eternity with Christ is worth it. I was reading a few months ago in Isaiah and shared the following on social media:

“Studying this morning and as I hit Isaiah 38 and 39, I praised God for His reminder of the importance of humility, the dangers of pride, and that our actions have consequences. But most importantly, that EVEN when I suffer consequences, EVEN when things seem to go badly, EVEN in the midst of suffering... I will praise my God and thank Him for His love, correction, and grace. For His ways are higher than mine. Who am I to criticize His divine direction.”

I know who I am now. I am the daughter of the King Most High, a co-heir with Christ. I am chosen, forgiven, treasured, sought, beautiful, strong, flawless, never forsaken. I am His.

8/20/24

#divorce #refining #healing #identity

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mothlover69 · 13 days

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I DEMAND LEON KENNEDY SELF SHIP LORE!!!

(I don't know anything about Resident Evil other than what my brother's told me but I'm genuinely curious.)

AAA def using this ask as an excuse to talk about how we get together ❤️

Going under the cut cuz it got away from me

I meet him at a bar when im like 21 or 22 and hes around 43/44 cuz that is definitely where that man spends a majority of his time when hes not on missions. We get to talking, he buys me drinks, he thinks im cute but he can tell im pretty young compared to him. He honestly feels kinda guilty for being attracted to me

He gets a couple drinks in and starts flirting. Obviously i flirt back. But nothing happens that night and we go our separate ways

One day, couple weeks later, im out running errands or something. The suns starting to set, im walking home, and there's not that many people around. Some asshole catcalls me, i flip him off, like i usually do. But i guess i have really bad luck that day because this guy decides to pull over and get out of his car. He starts following me, yelling something about how hes gonna kill me. I start walking faster, hoping to get to the next block where i know there'll be more people.

Suddenly, someone else appears next to me. I was so focused on the guy following me and trying to, like, survive that i dont see where they came from.

Oh my god you'll never guess who it is. Yeah, it's Leon.

Since there's now a big, buff man carrying a gun next to me, and we clearly know each other, the guy following me suddenly doesn't seem too keen to keep threatening me. But Leon still turns to him with a cold expression and asks him what he thinks he's doing.

Dude takes one look at him and just turns and books it.

Leon asks if im okay and then walks me home. He figures he should probably leave, but he asks if i want him to stick around for a bit 'just to be safe'. Really, he just cant help but want to spend more time with me. Even if he feels like he shouldnt.

I accidentally triggered his savior complex and now he wants me even more

Obviously, I say yes. Hot older guy that just saved my ass wants to hang out for a bit? Literal dream come true

At first we just talk. He's funny, and we keep making each other laugh. But the more time we spend with each other, the more the tension grows

His self control keeps getting thinner and then the two of us are unconsciously leaning towards each other while we talk. He makes some kind of teasing remark that makes me pout at him and suddenly he cant take it anymore. He grabs my face and kisses me

Im ecstatic, enthusiastically kissing him back until he pulls away with a flushed face and dark eyes

He tells me that we shouldnt do this, that hes so much older than me, and i tell him hes being stupid. Making a big deal out of nothing. And he looks so guilty, torn between his desire for me and his desire to be an honorable man that doesnt sleep with someone half his age

It doesnt take much to convince him to give in. And then im on his lap and we're making out again

He spends the night. I make him breakfast the next day because with those abs he must be starving. I tell a bad joke and he cracks up and seeing me in the morning sunlight that streams through the window... he does not want this to be a one time thing. He doesn't want to be without me

So after breakfast he asks me on a proper date, and apologizes for not doing so before. Formally asks me to be his partner. Of course i say yes

And the rest is history

Anyway..

But yeah, my s/i is a normal citizen that doesnt have anything to do with the actualy resident evil lore. I dont fight BOWs, i dont work for the DSO, im separate from all of that. And Leon really appreciates having something important in his life thats.. normal. Im something stable and soft for him to come home to. The thought of me is what keeps him strong when hes off on his missions.

Oh i got sappy good bye o////o

#why do i keep meeting f/os at bars why do i keep falling for alcoholics #anyway thanks for the ask and giving me an excuse to ramble about this man!!!#also that gif is one of favorite versions of leon i love vendetta sooooo much ❤️❤️❤️ hes so cute #oh and fun fact. the cat caller thing has happened to me multiple times irl :')#ship: the s stands for stupidly sexy #ask

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thenoaaah · 7 months

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Hysterectomy as a transmasc

A little over a year ago I got a hysterectomy as a gender affirming surgery and I wanted to take a moment on here to talk about how it has affected me. I really missed that when I was thinking of getting a hysterectomy, so maybe this could help someone.

The topics I describe could be dysphoria inducing, so if you're sensitive to that, don't read this :)

Within the transmasculine community we talk a lot about top surgery and that makes sense. It's a visible change. It's obviously a life changing surgery. Everyone can imagine that, even cis people. When you're pre-op you imagine a life post-op. You think of the things you'll finally be able to do. Things you'll finally be able to wear.

For this reason I was barely nervous for top-surgery. On the day itself I was calm even. I would even call it one of the best days of my life. Yes, the weeks leading up to it I had nerves and even doubt came up a couple times. But that morning... I never felt so sure about something in my life. It happened in 2020, which meant that I wasn't allowed to bring anyone with me. I wasn't allowed visitors. I know my family, especially my mother, had a hard time with that. I feel like I should have been more upset about it too, but was not. It was my day. I saw it as the start of the rest of my life. And it was.

Getting a hysterectomy didn't feel like that. I knew I had to get one. The idea that I was able to get pregnant was giving me a lot of gender dysphoria and I was absolutely terrified of getting pregnant. There was no way I was getting close to getting intimate with someone that could get me pregnant. Menstruation was also a big indicator. However, I hadn't gotten my period since I was about 16/17 years old, since I took orgametril. For reference, I was 21 when I got my hysterectomy. It was hard for me to even imagine getting my period and I honestly barely thought of it as a problem any more. This medicine wasn't something I could take the rest of my life though. It was my mother actually who pointed this out to me and said that a hysterectomy wasn't such a bad idea. She remembered how terrible I felt during my period. Something I had totally forgotten. I started talking to my therapist about it all and she also said that I'd probably benefit from a hysterectomy. In the Netherlands specific psychologists have to approve whether you can have gender affirming medical care. I took time to think about it. It was difficult for me. The hard thing was that I knew it would improve my life. I knew it. But I was terrified. That area of my body is such a sensitive subject. I'm incredibly dysphoric, so having a bunch of people work down there was an awful thought. I had several breakdowns over the fact that I felt the need to put myself, my body, through such things just to be comfortable.

In the end I decided to do it. I was put on a waiting list, just as I was put on a waiting list for top-surgery when I was 19. This wait was so different though. Waiting for top-surgery was full of excitement and watching YouTube videos of other excited transmen and non-binary people. Waiting for a hysterectomy was full of fear and watching YouTube videos of other transmen and non-binary people feeling bad and dysphoric after surgery. There was nothing exiting about the surgery. Top-surgery felt like a specific chapter in my life. Something that was a big part of my journey. The hysterectomy was something I just really wanted to get over with.

The day came and luckily I wasn't that nervous any more. I knew this had to happen.

The recovery was though, but so was that of top-surgery. It was physically more comfortable than recovery from top-surgery since for that you have to wear that awful binder. Recovery from a hysterectomy was more dysphoria inducing. I had to use menstrual pads, which I hate, and I couldn't wear my normal boxer briefs, since the pads wouldn't stay in place. The YouTube videos really helped here. Watching transmen use pads helped a lot, since I saw those people as nothing other than men and seeing men use pads, made me feel less dysphoric about using pads.

Now that I'm a year post-op I can say that getting a hysterectomy was a very good choice and I honestly can't imagine my life without it. I don't cringe when I hear girls talk about their period, cause I will never ever relate to that any more. I don't cringe at pregnancy tropes in books and movies, because I will never ever experience that. I feel so much calmer now. There is a sense of peace. A sense that things are right. They fit.

#transmen #transman #transmasc #hysterctomy #transgender #trangender surgery #trans joy #gender dysphoria

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friendcorp · 2 years

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Session 4: Day 1 Deja Vu

So I realize it's been some time between Session 3 and Session 4 and that's for very good reason. See I want to constantly be making noticeable forward progress in these posts, I don't want to muck around explaining that I'm stuck with a particular challenge rather than just showing you a few of the failed attempts and then being able to progress past it and show the eventual success.

That being said, we pick up on Day 21 having just opened Central Command. Grabbing Spider Bud and Bloodbath as I trust these abnormalities won't pose too much of an issue for even our new recruits in Central, which; in a rather uneventful turn of events is true. Day 21 goes by slowly, but we manage to hit the required 420 power quota before even reaching our noon ordeal.

On Day 22 we take a couple more easy abnos with Ppodae and Old Belief and Promise, and again; you may notice that I'm playing it really safe with my abnormalities here, outside of Big Bird (who is honestly really manageable when you understand how it works) nothing here is even that dangerous if it breaches. This seemed like a good idea, we're on our first loop, we're dealing with mostly Teth and HE level abnos, so we shouldn't be working with too much low level gear, and there's nothing here that is too dangerous that I'm really worried about our employees! This seems like the perfect plan, but "seems" is the key word here, and as I know you've already read the Session/Episode title I'm sure you know what's coming down the line shortly. On Day 22 I mostly focus on training up the new hires while almost exclusively working with the HE and WAW level abnos, this was because I knew very few of our employees would actually survive a Noon ordeal, perhaps they could handle Red Noon if I micromanaged the fight, but if we get hit by a Green Noon or even a Violet Noon I have some concerns about Big Bird breaching. So the new dilemma becomes generating more energy in less actions while simultaneously not neglecting the lower level abnos we're picking up for their gear while ALSO not neglecting the new hires who need to train their stats. It's all a juggling act to the say the least, but it's one I've handled many times before and I'm no stranger to this song and dance. We pass Dawn with a little over half our daily quota and I'm feeling pretty good about how things are going, and sure enough I'm able to pass Day 22 before we even hit Noon. However, we're getting a little too close for comfort.

There is a moment at the end of Day 22 where I do some critical thinking, I take a moment to reflect on my facility and it's employees,

Bella here is only level 3, and is only having to handle Teth level abnos, but should the noon ordeals start rolling in everyone in Central will need to be able to pull their own weight.

Remi and Yuri are both only level 2, and this is when I realize that... Yuri doesn't even have an EGO suit. In fact most of Central doesn't have EGO at all. I have to rotate out who gets the "good" EGO for the day (good meaning HE level at this point) just so I can work them with higher level abnos in hopes of getting them ready for noon ordeals, but the day we'll need to face those ordeals is fast approaching and with 10 members of Central and only a few days to ensure they're ready I'm put in a tough situation.

Starting off Day 23 we pick up Rudolta (which, trust me I'm as happy about this as you...) and Little Red, at this point I have to be willing to escalate the risk if I'm going to keep pushing through this. I need to be willing to work lower level employees with higher level abnormalities, and well; that goes about as well as you'd think. There's panic, there's death, and there's plenty of days being reset. I literally go through so much difficulty with this that I legitimately opened a google doc spreadsheet so I can record work results, EGO defenses, and abnormality damage and I put all my experience with data entry work to good use calculating exactly who has the stats to work with what abnormalities while wearing the lowest possible grade EGO gear. Because you see, if someone already had higher stats it means I could essentially transfer their EGO onto someone with lower stats to help balance out the overall defense levels of the entire facility. Sure I'd be weakening my best agents to do it but in doing so I would create a facility where I know anyone can work with anything. It was ultimately a lot of work for very little progress, but it did help me to push some of the lower level employees into high risk high reward scenarios where they were able to actually survive and drastically boost their stats. However, then my fear became reality;

So for all of you reading right now please note that the reason this took so long to come out is that for whatever reason despite having a draft saved all the way through DAY 26 tumblr just decided to delete everything I had written, everything I had included; and put me back here. Talk about meta narrative, I feel like I'm really in a damn time loop... but I suppose I should get back to it...

Where were we, ah right; The Noon Ordeal of Day 23... while this might not seem like such a setback just trust me there's a lot to cover here.

This was the point I realized that our agents weren't nearly strong enough to take on a Noon Ordeal, not even Harmony of the Skin (which is arguably one of the easiest to manage) and I'm still a good ways behind on quota, so I do the only thing I can think of.

I gamble, I know there's abnormalities in this facility my employees can work with to the point I don't even need to worry about them, they know these abnos inside and out, what makes them tick, what makes them produce just a metric truckload of energy; and that's precisely what we needed in this moment. I gather everyone into the main department room of Info and send my regulars off to their abnormalities; keeping a select few stronger agents with the group to act as a sort of suppression team. I figure if the Harmony enters the main department I can at least let them distract it safely while the others run off.

Right when I think things are under control, like maybe I actually managed to wrangle this hellhole of a day into something achievable...

We hit another meltdown. At this point Harmony is just down the hall and I don't have a choice but to send off most of the remaining employees I have. At first I think that I could send one of the weaker employees to work with Fairy Festival, it's just Fairy Festival after all! However no, Harmony is in the way and I can't risk that, not when I'm this close to success. I send who I can but it dawns on me that there are still agents working, there are still agents on their way, if I can just hold it off long enough those who are working might be able to generate enough energy! If there's one thing you should know about me, I'm a gambler at heart; and everyone I've ever gambled with has told me I'm a damn good one.

Since there's an elevator on both sides of the room Harmony is in I can easily shield anyone passing by so long as I'm quick about it, this will allow them to survive a hit or two very easily while passing through and it also means Harmony will stay still so long as I keep a constant flow of employees coming through. This means no more dead clerks so I don't need to worry about Big Bird, and I can also safely buy my other employees just enough time to finish the day.

Day 24 rolls around and I'm feeling good, our agents may not be powerful enough to handle a noon ordeal just yet, but we have something these ordeals don't; we have a strategy. I pick up both the Luminous Bracelet and Dreaming Current as we desperately need the higher energy output and higher grade EGO at this point. The day seems to be going off without a hitch, that is until as always;

Yet again we're faced with the dilemma of another noon ordeal that seems unavoidable; but I know better, I was smart about this I knew the only chance we'd have at meeting that quota was to send our best and brightest to work with our most deadly energy producers; and it was working; we just needed to wait but unfortunately for us, we didn't have the luxury of time. Rudolta had decided that we should take a pay cut today and breached without warning. Rudolta is slow, but the damage it dealt would be an issue, no not for my agents; but for the clerks. With Big Bird in this facility I had to be constantly mindful of my clerk numbers and I knew if Rudolta hit the main department of Central Command it was over, that bird was coming out; and I didn't have white shield bullets unlocked yet.

By some miracle everyone finished their work with mere inches between Rudolta and the door and I wasn't about to question a suppression effort; I took the minor penalty to the Lob Points and moved on just happy to have gotten away with not having to handle another Noon Ordeal on top of the breach...

Day 24 may have been seemingly simple, but 25 was an entirely different beast... The day started with a mishap resulting in Maritza's death;

Sorry you had to see that... don't worry I'll reset the day and it will all be not but a bad dream.

Finally understanding how Portrait worked (I hardly ever use the abnormality). I restarted the day and confidently sent everyone off to work, but the facility decided to have other plans, two back to back ordeals would be our obstacle today and the first was the Amber Dawn, I took a moment to reflect on a mishap back on Day 22 that I neglected to actually discuss... Vanessa had been killed by an Amber Dawn and hearing Tiph announce that "this could have been avoided had you paid more attention" stung for the first time in the entire run; see most of the deaths in this run have come from unavoidable circumstances, situations where I had to put agents in situations they weren't ready for, a few others like Maritza's had come from a lack of understanding with abnormalities I don't often use but... a Dawn ordeal? This late in the game? It felt like Tiph was right, and I couldn't deny that, had I just paid more attention everything would have been fine, and I wasn't about to make that same mistake twice. I knew I couldn't just throw my agents at this ordeal and expect everyone to survive; I use the best weapon in my arsenal and yes that once again is strategy.

I had Rain and Marx meet up with Central Command 1 and 2 respectively, I figured the extra firepower would come in handy given their lack of EGO currently.

It was working perfectly

This time I was ready for a proper fight; I knew I had a Violet Noon right after this and that above all else I had to make sure there weren't too many casualties in this ordeal, I knew the Violet Noon would take out a large chunk of my clerks and it was far too early in the day to have Big Bird breach and still have any hopes of finishing the day. I had to move fast, but I had to be cautious.

I had to pop in and check on every group but I couldn't linger for too long I literally paused, checked how it was going, paused again, zoomed out and moved on.

I had been dealing with quite a lot of deaths lately, and I was determined to put an end to that; I no longer considered them "a dawn ordeal" I no longer thought of them as "only a Teth" they were a threat, they were capable of killing my agents and I realized if I didn't treat them like the threat they were, more would die.

I had to prioritize my use of shields, I knew I needed to keep the clerks from dying, at least I needed to calculate my losses here; but I had to prioritize keeping the agents alive, sorry clerks...

As each group killed their department's set of ordeals they joined the others... while I know the Asiyah branch agents may have their differences they sure make for one hell of a team when they put those differences aside and work together. It's nice to see them fighting together instead of fighting each other.

Though to say this ordeal didn't have a few close calls wouldn't be doing it justice. Our agents fought valiantly and a few even risked their skin for it;

Geminiano and Kanna took it upon themselves to handle the ordeals in the control department even without Dia.

I had to get them out of harms way however as their brave efforts nearly resulted in Geminiano's death. Though while the wounded ran to recover, Kanna wasn't ready to leave things as they were; charging back into the fray and being joined by fellow agents none the less;

It always warms my heart to see these nuggets work together, and just like that; after a long fought battle we managed to emerge victorious without so much as a death to our tally.

I had to be very careful about who I sent to work now; I couldn't afford to lose someone after that, I didn't want to betray all their hard work.

This was it, time to prove ourselves;

There was no way around this, there was no way to rush work or simply avoid the ordeal. We were going to have to face this one head on, and while I wasn't worried about the damage (thanks to having black shield bullets) I was scared of our lack of damage output...

But literally it was over before I could even get good footage of the agents fighting; I really underestimated everyone; Violet Noon is a pushover however Big Bird did only have 1 counter left so that was a little scary...

Thankfully clearing both Ordeals pushed us to quota and day 25 was complete with all 30 agents alive and breathing!

Day 26 however, was a very different beast. It became apparent very quickly that we no longer had enough EGO to support everyone, we needed to fix this. I couldn't keep pushing through the research and bullets wasn't enough to counter the sheer damage output of these abnos, we didn't have enough energy output nor did we have enough EGO so I did the only thing I could; I reset... to day 1.

S̴t̴a̵r̷t̸i̸n̴g̸ ̶f̸r̸o̶m̴ ̷t̷h̸e̵ ̷b̵e̸g̶i̷n̵n̶i̵n̵g̶ ̵w̷e̸ ̵s̵t̸a̴r̵t̷ ̴D̴a̸y̸ ̸1̸ ̴w̸i̷t̶h̴ ̷o̵u̵r̷ ̴F̷r̸i̵e̷n̵d̶ ̴C̴o̴r̶p̷ ̷C̷o̶m̵m̴u̴n̵a̵l̸ ̴N̸u̶̠͋g̵̱͝g̴̪̈́ȩ̷͐ṭ̶̏ ̸̟͂O̷̘̅C̶̩̓ ̸̙̉r̸͕̄ẽ̸͜ṿ̷̏ê̷̝a̴̫͒ḷ̵̔!̷͉͛ ̶̹͊P̴̬͋l̸͈̎ẻ̴̦a̷̞̾s̵̘͘e̴̳̓ ̷̣̇w̸͇͊ë̴̪́l̷͓̾c̶̱̏ŏ̸̹m̸̤̓ẹ̴̊ ̴̪̽S̸͓̎Ǫ̶͍̰̤̗̼̲̎͊̈́̾̾͝M̷̢̨̡̜̥̞̓͗́̆͐ͅU̴̢̠̙̣̣̮͆̄!̷̲̼̫̫͙̲̹̿̈ͅ

...Sorry about that; don't know what happened there. Anyways I'm sure it's fine, you know tumblr is weird sometimes LIKE WHEN IT DELETED ENTIRE DAYS OF MY WRITING!

Now I won't waste your time on the boring stuff, we all know how Day 1 goes, there's no way we don't just throw Dia in there and get the day done; so let's jump back to the good stuff, the new stuff!

I streamed a lot of the Day 1 -> Central Command over on Discord in an open VC with a lot of the FriendCorp fam; it was an absolute blast and I fully plan to do it again sometime so if chilling in a VC with friends and having input on how this run goes sounds fun to you well you know where to find things (I promise we're gonna be fixing the pinned post soon lol)

Our facility this time around was designed with 1 goal in mind, get more EGO. I cared about little else, I needed our nuggets to be stronger; which is precisely why we picked up abnos like Crumbling Armor, Singing Machine, Knight of Despair, Judgment Bird, Burrowing Heaven, and Naked Nest just to name a few.

I knew we'd likely need to do another reset, this facility had no rhyme or reason to it, there was almost no synergy to be found; however it did allow for a spectacular combo...

Epsilon (who somehow became the new Safety Captain) could now pick up the Heart of Aspiration and then complete work with Knight of Despair which would give them a bit more defense when dealing with ordeals; while I unfortunately didn't catch it on camera Epsilon did finally solo a Doubt ordeal by themself; and don't worry I'm sure it's not the last time it will happen and I promise I will get it on camera for you all because it was a glorious moment to behold.

This new facility held a lot of abnormalities I'm not used to, Singing Machine, Naked Nest; these were things I would avoid like the plague before and learning to manage them under these conditions was brutal but rewarding. By Day 25 we were back to where we once were, except now we were stronger; much stronger. We had a plethora of EGO at our disposal and high grade EGO at that, and I wasn't about to not see how we'd hold up against Apoc Bird even with half our facility in Zayin level gear.

Oh. Well, uh; this was expected but I'm sure this wasn't the CC Sweep we were all looking for...

There were some issues regarding Central Command's SP levels; simply put I couldn't even get the gate to spawn without the majority of them taking so much fear damage they'd spiral into a panic and from there they'd either scatter and kill others or kill themselves. I tried pairing them up with people who had white damage weapons so they could hopefully recover the needed SP before doing anything drastic but it was easier said than done. I realized even on the off chance I could survive until Apoc's spawn there was no way we had the current damage output needed to take on the egg. I mean, it was hard for us to even take down Grandma...

But we DID! (RIP GRANDMA RIP GRANDMA YOU'RE DEAD NOW! NOTHING CAN HURT YOU RIP GRANDMA... why was I sending white damage to fight her...)

The nice thing was, with all our fancy new EGO even Noon ordeals became something of a joke to us, we didn't even need shields anymore which meant we could use them for the bigger threats.

oh and boy did need the shields because Grandma give us some trouble... (fun fact this gif is played back at literally 800% speed because it was so long tumblr wouldn't upload it otherwise but please enjoy THE ENTIRE FACILITY taking turns whacking Grandma... which is something I didn't think I'd write when I woke up this morning...)

PLEASE GRANDMA STAY IN YOUR CONTAINMENT UNIT PLEASE!

With Grandma staying in containment and the facility producing a moderate amount of energy we're able to push on to Day 26, look forward to welcoming the Welfare Department in Session 5!

-Cryptid

#FriendCorp #FriendCorp Plot #Friend Corp #Sorry for the lack of activity here I'll be fixing that shortly just been absolutely swamped between the holidays and work #I hope you don't mind all the little references to the discord server shenanigans #there's a lot of stuff happening behind the scenes and I'm working to bring that to you all here

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floofiestboy · 7 days

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Alright, floof. I'm not sorry.

Here's the list.

1, 5, 7 (if you feel like exposing yourself), 10 is an evil question to ask you so I must, 11 because I'm convinced there's neat stuff, 12, 14, 16, 19, 20, 21, 22.

I lied, accidentally. It is twelve questions, I went through the list again and realized I do also want to know your favourite tropes <3

No pressure and all, feel free to pick and choose what you wish to answer :3

Thanks for the ask, Iris 🥺 (ask meme here)

1. What is the first fandom you were ever a part of?

If you define fandom as "first piece of media I got merch of", then I guess Detective Conan since I got DVDs and manga volumes at like, seven or something. If you define fandom as actually participating with other fans, then Percy Jackson- my first fic was written for it.

5. Favorite platonic pairing?

I think Hattori and Shinichi should be platonic life partners. Start up a detective agency or something, you know? Move in together after university? The only problem is finding a compromise between Osaka and Tokyo...

7. Least favorite headcanon?

I refuse to believe Akai returns to America post-BO takedown. I just don't see him as having much attachment to the FBI and the US.

10. Fandom that you've spent the most money on?

Help. This is a hard question. It's in between Detective Conan and Senyuu. I have more DC merch, but it was generally cheaper since it's official... I also have more Senyuu doujinshi and purchased any official Senyuu media out there except for the DVDs. Not to mention purchasing every online Senyuu chapter...

Eh, I'll go with Senyuu, but it's close.

11. Most unique merch you have for a fandom?

In terms of a unique type of merch, these akam gloves:

In terms of overall uniqueness, these one-of-a-kind yuuyona plushies I commissioned from an alibaba merchant:

12. Craziest thing you've ever done as part of a fandom?

I downloaded an app that gave me access to a Chinese payment method so I could send money to an old Chinese scanlator of Suginami on Chinese patreon-like app to see if they still had the high-quality image of an official Suginami illustration that no longer exists on the Internet.

They never responded :c

14. Fandom you keep returning to?

DC...

16. Fandom you'll probably end up joining?

Can't think of anything, honestly. The muses are fickle and strike with little warning.

19. Fanfic you read again and again?

To be honest, I don't re-read fics that often aside from my own to cry over typos I missed. At most I might reread fics after a year or so when my memory of them has gotten blurrier.

Hm, I guess esama's Assassin Creed fics are probably the ones I've reread the most. I reread them whenever I get into an AC mood.

20. All-time favorite fanfic author?

yellow_caballero's D:BH fics were hilarious. Loved their narration so much.

It turned out that Hank was secretly nice, but the sensation of vivid death wishes was novel and rewarding. You could do anything when you secretly hated everything. Connor found vast new avenues of perspective opening before him. Suddenly it was possible to wish death upon anything - the bus when it was running late, the other android in front of him when he accidentally stepped on his toe, any human who shot him a dirty look. The world was his oyster, and the pearl was hatred. It was a slippery slope of deviancy - you start out thinking of witty comebacks to everything Hank said, and before you know it you’re releasing thousands of robots from captivity and helping lead the robot rebellion.

I'm also a big fan of all of Vamillepudding's batfam fics. Comedy gold.

Immediately, Tim perks up. “Yes!” he says, sitting down by the kitchen counter to watch Jason work. “Full disclosure, I already know how to play catch. I wanted my dad to show me, but he didn’t have time, and then they taught us in school, and my teacher thinks I’m really good at it so she wanted me to join Little League, but I didn’t want to so I told her no, and then my mom said I should have joined, but then my dad said I should join the boy scouts instead, and then they got distracted so they hung up and their secretary told me they’d call me again in two weeks.”

Throughout Tim’s monologue, Jason has been slicing vegetables and adding them to a large bowl, and now, while he works on the dressing, he tries to get Tim back on track. “So…you know how to play catch?”

Tim nods. “Yeah, but I like the idea of you teaching me, so let’s recreate that. I’ll pretend like I don’t know anything, and you can correct my posture, and when I finally get it right, you can hug me and tell me you knew I could do it.”

21. Favorite fic trope?

Identity reveals are my guilty pleasure, along with the POV character being unaware of an upcoming identity reveal and the misunderstandings that arise from that...

I also really love soulmates AUs where the soulmate reveal only happens after the ship is already in love. I don't like the idea of them being pressured to be together because of their soulmate marks or something, but I do like the idea of them feeling secure in their existing love thanks to their connection.

22. Least favorite fic trope?

Love at first sight. I'm picky about my ships as it is, I can't get into it if they only "fell" for each other at first from their appearances.

#ask #ask meme

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rabble-dabble · 3 months

Text

its anger until they learn its a father. "men are like that," she told me, when he's still sleeping his blackout from last night off and she's been awake since six that morning. "they never admit to their feelings."

i've learned all the bad things to look out for. they gaslight reality into their version of things, strangers on the internet say, until the memory becomes true and the victim doubts their own sanity. i can't remember who started the arguement but somehow, i'm always wrong. i thought, maybe, i was just too immature to understand, too young to get why he was so cruel to me. you and your generation are so sensitive, he told me over and over again. you're so sensitive, it was just a joke. i cried in his arms when i reported my mom to cps, scared of her reaction, scared she'd come after me despite living thousands of miles away. the joke was me acting like my mom. you need help, he told me - the same man who screamed in my face with booze breath about how maybe i deserved what i got. maybe i deserved what i got - the same man who held me at birth and told me about my big bright eyes - and i am the reason i am so broken. get help, yells the same man who told me he went to therapy and got 'fixed'. i have been in therapy for six months.

my therapist tells me to move on - i should clarify, she's actually a counsler, a kind woman who i see every two weeks. "what do you want from this relationship?" she asks me. "my brother and i, we used to be at each others throats, and then when we got older-" i listen to how she found peace with her siblings. she doesn't mention her parents. i think about my brother, who got the worst of the abuse, and how we haven't talked in a while. "i want an apology, i want a sorry, i want a father," i tell her, crying as i remember my dad screaming at me. "it doesn't sound like he's the type of person who will give that to you," she responded.

we talk about expectations vs. reality. is this my fate? is this my world, to never expect recogniztion for what happened to me? "you need to let it go, it happened over six months ago," my aunt says. her husband won't put his food away before leaving to hunt. he leaves his trash on the counter, which she throws away as she shakes her head and throws another chore on her ever growing list of things to take care of. "i know your father. his behavior is in his namesake. you expect him to change, but he will never change." he is in his fourties. a grown man who is not even halfway through life; i turn 21 this year, and last year on my birthday he called me a bitch for not calling my mom while i was going to the movies with my best friend. i bought my own birthday cake, and he made me feel guilty for asking him to pick it up as if it was too much of a chore for him. he hadn't taken me to the dmv to get my license so i could legally start driving. "stop trying to change your father." change him? i am asking for the bare minimum. i am asking for a person who is supposed to love me to love me kindly. i asked him if we could get therapy together. he told me no.

my counsler said i was stuck between wanting a relationship and needing to move on. "you need to find peace." but i don't know if i will find the peace she means - every male figure i have seen has been given every reason not to try harder. my mother's boyfriend didn't look after his own kids, even when i had to leave school to wash my baby sister after she vomitted from a fever. my dad never brought in the groceries, just sat in a chair drinking mike's lemonade while he watched me and my stepmom and two stepsisters bring in the bags and put it all away. my aunt's husband made their dog have puppies recently- and my aunt is exhausted from taking care of them, despite not wanting them. what peace is there to find here? to find peace with how the world "works", with how these men will do anything to be incompetent to their partners? to their families? i am just angry. i don't want to find peace in these situations! these women deserve better. i deserve better. but i am told i can do nothing to change it- i am merely the child of a father. worse- i was born a daughter, a servant; a peacemaker. "i am angry!" i told my therapist. "it's not fair!"

"i know," she says. i cry and think about an apology i will never get. all men are- i have heard this over and over. i do not want to be the person who finds peace in this broken machine, in those broken words. i want to tear it all down, piece by piece, until there are no more 'all men are'. i want to be angry, i want to be vicious, to snarl back as i refuse to be another victim finding peace with this standard of incompetent men. they can do better, i scream to the machine, tearing at rusting metal with my hardened hands, hold them accountable, for the love of god, be angry!

if i'm to find peace i want to do it bloodsoaked. if i have to find peace with no remorse then i will do it with sharp claws and teeth, with gentle hands but an aware mind. i do not want to find peace with dull contempt, i want to find it with the knowledge i will not allow my life to be dictated by this low standard. my dad tells me you will never truly be a real man. i tell him with a smile, at least i won't be a man like you.

#text post #vent #vent post #rabble poem #btw im a ftm trans he/him so.#akfnlejcdjfnkf daughter and son syndrome. the toxic masculinity is fucking killing me #ik my counsler meant to find peace with myself but also im not gonna just be like. idk complacent #i want to be different i want to hold him accountable bcs no one else in his life does #i refuse to be a silent consequence to shitty actions. i am kind and choose to be and thats the world i wanna live in #not every parent deserves a child but also we should like. also tell them to be fucking better #idk im also half asleep at work. i am NOT OK LMAOOOOOOO

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stayarmytinyzenmoa-l · 2 years

Text

Prominence [WCh. 2.80]

Social Media AU ; Idol AU ; Added Unit AU CW/TW: Language, Sasaeng/Stalker Activity Genre: Comedy, Romance Pairing: NCT x Idol!Reader, Seonghwa x Reader Y/N Pronouns: Female (She/Her) Word Count: 7.2K

(80/80) [First] | [Previous] [NCT Masterlist] | [Other Groups Masterlist] | [Prominence S1 Masterlist] | [Prominence S2 Masterlist]

Notes: See you in the next one bitchesssss (affectionate) Disclaimer: Please remember that this is an AU and a work of fiction, obviously the idols mentioned/written about in this story would never partake in these actions. The idols mentioned in this work are meant to be seen more as face claims rather than the actual idols themselves

Feedback is greatly appreciated!! Thank you for reading!

21 March 2022

Hamin's coming to South Korea? It's not that you didn't want to see your brothers, but at the same time you didn't think it was necessary for them to inconvenience themselves like this. It's not like it was that big a deal anyway, if anything, this visit would stress you out more than anything else. However you couldn't deny that it had been some time since all three of you were together, and part of you did want to spend time with them, but the other part of you knew that this couldn't have been more inconvenient for you.

You closed your messages app and walked back out to the main room. Haechan was passed out on the couch next to Taeyong, Hendery had been sent off to bed before he could hurt himself, Jaemin dragged Jeno back into the Dream dorms, Mark and Yangyang ran off before you could delegate cleaning duties to them, and that left you and Jihyun to pick up after them.

"Typical," you mumbled while collecting as many glass bottles as you could and tossed them into the recycling bin. "Those two are so going to hear it from me when I head over there," you muttered while wiping down the counters.

"Aw, I know you, honey, you're just mad that you didn't scram before they did," Jihyun laughs. She looks over at the couch. "Taeyong's going to freak out when he realizes he laid down on that thing."

"Oh I know," you snickered. "We need to replace that thing," you grimaced.

"(Y/N)!" Yangyang's hurried whisper somehow reached you from across the room.

"Well, well, well, look who decided to come help," you glared at him.

"No. Come to my room," he gestures for you to follow him.

"Go ahead, I've got it here," Jihyun nudges her head toward the door and you nodded.

Walking into the WayV dorm was almost jarring to see. Boxes and luggage had been strewn across as far as you can see and still, somehow, it felt so empty. You turned to Yangyang's room and pulled it open.

"What's all this?" You looked around, the room had been largely cleaned out to its bare bones now. It was almost saddening, actually, you'd had many memories in here and now it was just... empty. But, in the middle of the room, was a small table set up with a small cake and bottles of soju.

"We're having Yang's going away party!" Mark grins.

"Yup! Like hell I'd be leaving without having one last celebration with you guys," Yangyang hands you a bottle and your shoulders sank.

"Aw, geez, how is it that I'm the one being surprised here?" You sat down and Mark passed out the shot glasses.

"We kinda decided to do this last minute," Mark shrugs. "It's multipurpose too, Yangyang's going away, Kyungjae going to jail, your relationship's back, and things are just starting to look up in general, so… why not?” He pours soju into the shot glasses and picks his up. “So… uh… to us?”

“To us!” You and Yangyang repeated. The glasses clinked together and you took the shot.

"You know what, we should plan like... a day," you hummed. Tired and confused glances were what you received. "Let me finish, we should plan a day where we all call each other, you know? Like, we're all going to get really busy, so might as well reserve a day already," you shrugged.

"Yeah, let's do it," Mark opens up his calendar and visibly gulps. "Uh... I'm not too packed on Thursdays..."

"Every Thursday then?" You ask.

"Every Thursday is a bit hard," Yangyang looks up from his phone. "How about every other Thursday?"

"Every other works," Mark shrugs.

"Yeah," you agreed right as the door opened and Suho walks in. "Hey! The gang's all here!"

"I'm only here because Yangyang left this in the van," he places the duffle bag on the floor. "What are ou three up to?" He asks.

"Oh, just a mini celebration since Yangyang's getting exiled," you grinned.

"NCThree is never going to have another comeback." Yangyang cries into his hand.

"Huh? Exiled? Never having a comeback? What are you two talking about?" Suho's head tilts. "Yangyang's coming back."

"Yeah! For the year-end promotions!" Now you felt like crying. "My best friend is going to be an ocean away for a year," you took the soju bottle and just drank straight from it.

"No, (Y/N), uh..." Suho stutters while Mark comforts you.

"You will be missed, Yangyang, but your position is up for grabs," Mark jokes. Yangyang's face grows dead serious.

"If someone wants to take my best friend spot they're going to have to kill me first," he says.

"NCThree!" Suho speaks up and all attention lands on him. "Yangyang is coming back next month! They all are!" Suho clarifies. You and Mark turned to Yangyang now, disappointed but not surprised.

"Oh," you stood up and dusted your pants off. "Wow, worried us for nothing, huh?" You playfully pushed Yangyang's head and he nearly falls off the chair.

"I'm only leaving for a month?!"

"You're only leaving for a month! You're just going there to film some content then you're coming right back! Who the hell told you you'd be staying in China?" Suho asks. Again, stares land on Yangyang.

"In my defense, I've never been the brightest in this group."

"Fucking hell, I'm going to bed," you stacked the cups and grouped the bottles together.

"Dang... so (Y/N) and I were getting all sad for no reason? That's cold, Yangyang," Mark shakes his head.

"Hey, I actually thought-"

"You're lucky though, Yangyang, you're going to miss my brothers," you yawned on your way out of the room. Yangyang blinks slowly before tumbling out into the hallway.

"You have brothers?!"

22 March 2022

"Ugh... it's too early for this," Yunho mutters, his eyes tired and his voice dragging.

"Then maybe you shouldn't have stayed up watching video games," their manager taunts. Collective groans filled the air, but one of the members was particularly in a good mood. Seonghwa couldn't keep still, he was practically rocking back and forth in his spot. There had been this looming presence over you and him since the whole fiasco months ago and now, finally, a chance for closure and a chance for new beginnings.

Plus, he was always excited to see you.

"Alright, I'm glad I have you all here!" Their CEO, as bright as ever, marches into the room. He stands before the group, who are all seated around the meeting table. "Now, I've gathered you all here today for a very important announcement. Following recent events, I've become very concerned with your security. From various people overstepping our boundaries, to people targeting those we love, I've decided to take action." Somehow, Seonghwa felt like he was being put on the spot here.

"You hired more security?" Hongjoong asks. Whatever exhaustion he had was easily hidden by his professionalism.

"Something like that," their CEO hums. "Please come in, sir, and introduce yourself to my boys," their CEO steps aside as another person enters the room.

And then Seonghwa felt his jaw drop.

Dressed in a suit and with a badge hanging around his neck, Seonghwa almost didn't recognize him. Actually, he didn't recognize him at all until he swept his hair out of the way and the scar across his cheek became apparent. He almost felt like he was overreacting, there should be no way that the stranger would recognize him, but, to Seonghwa's comfort, it seemed Hongjoong had been taken aback by the man's gruff appearance as much as he was.

"Hello, I'm Jung Kanghoon, I will be in charge of your personal security from now on," the man bows for a moment before straightening. "I hope we can get along well."

"There you have it then," their CEO beams. "Kanghoon here will be in charge of all eight of you, I've already provided your work phone numbers to him, and I'll be sending you his number sometime later today. If you have any questions or concerns, take it up with him," their CEO juts a thumb toward Kanghoon. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll just leave you all with him to get to know each other better, you'll be seeing him much more often from now on," their CEO gestures for their manager to follow him out. Kanghoon takes a seat at the head of the table. The room was silent for a few moments.

"I have a question," Wooyoung speaks up. Kanghoon looks at him. "Have you ever killed anyone?"

"Wooyoung!" Hongjoong gasps.

"You can't just ask people if they've ever killed someone!" Mingi shouts.

"What?! I'm curious! Just look at the guy!" Wooyoung gestures to Kanghoon with both hands. "Look at the scars on his hands, those are awesome!" He compliments him.

"... Do you really want to know the answer to that?" Kanghoon asks with a small smirk. Wooyoung matches his energy.

"Yeah, I do, actually."

"Not purposely, no," Kanghoon answers vaguely.

"I knew it," Wooyoung congratulates himself.

"How'd you get that scar?" Yeosang asks next. Kanghoon stares at him and Yeosang points to his cheek.

"How do you think?"

"Secret mission along the border, you tried to get out unscathed but you ran into someone you had tricked into being your brother in arms and, in his betrayed rage, he attacked," Yeosang answers.

"Interesting story, but no, I got it from my younger sister," Kanghoon answers. "She was playing with scissors."

"Oh..." Yeosang sinks into his chair.

"Aside from questions of my past, do any of you have any other more relevant questions?" Kanghoon's gaze lands on Seonghwa, who tries to avoid his look. "If not then, I'll give you my number. I'm officially starting next month," Kanghoon says.

"Here, give it to me, I'll send it to the others," Hongjoong approaches him first.

"Sure, whatever is easier," Kanghoon replied as Hongjoong handed him his phone. Kanghoon handed it back to him and stood up. "I look forward to working with you all." He leaves the room.

"Whoa, hyung, you're like, white as a sheet, are you okay?" Yunho waves his hand in front of Seonghwa's face.

"Uh... yeah, I'm fine," Seonghwa tugs at his collar. It's whatever, totally, it was just a coincidence if anything. Besides, he had a much more important event to look forward to tonight anyway, he'd deal with this when it came back later.

It was clear that you had a pep in your step all day today, and every member of NCT knew it. Especially when the ones who were hungover were the first ones to notice your behavior.

This morning, for example, you said good morning to Doyoung. Everyone knows that the two of you just don't click and still you acknowledged his presence? Who even are you? And even when Doyoung responded similarly, that didn't stop Johnny and Jungwoo from making immediate eye contact with each other.

Then, then, just a few moments later, you actually helped Chenle open a jam jar, and when he tried to crack a joke about your strength you just smiled and said that it was something you'd always had with you. What? No matter how much Chenle tried to tease you, you easily deflected it back on him.

Now, and it was an honest mistake, Jeno got a little carried away laughing and accidentally launched your phone across the room. The already shattered screen had shattered some more, it was a miracle that it still worked at this point. But, did you get mad? No.

"Don't worry, Jen, things happen," you grinned. You glanced at the clock. 5:00 pm. You picked your phone up from the ground and disappeared into the ANiMA dorms.

"Isn't she supposed to be sad right now?" Jeno asks.

"Nah, she found out Yangyang's only going to be gone a month," Hendery replies.

"Oh, shit, okay, but like... I'm glad she's happy and all after everything but like..."

"Yeah, I get it," Hendery shrugs. "You know, Jiaying said earlier that she was singing in the shower, she never does that."

"Really?" Jungwoo sits up. "You know what? I saw Jaemin accidentally spill coffee on her and she told him not to worry about it too," he says.

"It is kind of suspicious," Haechan says from behind the counter. "Last time I saw (Y/N) this happy was before she went on her first date with Seonghwa," he says with a knowing tone. Everyone turns to him and he continues to put the dishes away behind him. "I don't know, just a thought," he says. Before any more conversation to continue, you walked back out into the main room and across. You knocked on the WayV side of the dorms and Kun opened it.

"(Y/N), we've been over this, you can just enter, you don't need to knock," he says.

"Can you ask Ten to give me my steamer back?"

"Yeah, hold on," Kun looks over his shoulder, "Ten, give (Y/N) her steamer back." You hear a muffled response. "He says he still needs it."

"Tell him I need it now."

"She needs it now," he shouts over his shoulder. Another muffled response. "He's asking why."

"I have a date tonight."

"She has a- you have a date tonight?!" Kun does a quick double-take back to you and you nod. You hear doors opening in succession mixed with shuffles and things breaking behind you.

"You're going on a date?! With who?!" Jungwoo shouts while he practically hops on his feet. "When? Where? Do you need help? Please speak clearly into my left shoulder." You scrunched your eyebrows and blinked slowly.

"Yes, Seonghwa, tonight, I'm not sure yet, and no."

"You and Seonghwa were still talking?! I thought his psycho stalker like... ruined you two," Jeno chimes.

"That's what I'm saying! And his psycho friend almost ruined them again!" Yangyang follows Mark out.

"What were you two doing without me?" You eyed them suspiciously.

"Guy stuff," they answered vaguely.

"Huh, okay, well, yes, I'm going on a date tonight, and we're just going to talk about things, okay?" You explained just as Ten emerged with your steamer. "It's not a big deal, okay?" You took the steamer.

"Kun, tell the managers we will not be leaving tonight," Ten says with a straight expression. "I need to be here and present to see the outcome of this."

"I'm sure the grapevine will find a way to get to us," Kun tiredly looks back at all the luggages behind him. The WayV dorm had turned into a lawless land. "Dear god... this will be the longest six hours of my life," he mutters.

"Are you sure you'll be safe?" Johnny walks out now with a towel still wrapped around his head.

"Yes? Why wouldn't I be?"

"Like we need to answer that," Jaemin, rising from his nap on the couch, adds. "But, do whatever you want to do," he waves his hand.

"Thank you, Jaemin, at least one person knows how to mind his own business," you shut the door behind you, leaving the muffled discussion behind you. You looked down at your phone, which was still open to the chat from your brothers. You sighed and slumped your shoulders, talk about a pain, you had enough to worry about already and now you had to worry about your brothers too.

"Oop, sorry, kiddo," Saeron nearly bumps into you but as soon as she sees your expression, she places the two suitcases in her hands down. "Is everything alright, (Y/N)?"

"Uh..." you glanced at your phone again, "well, to be honest, I'm a little stressed out," you said quietly. Saeron's expression softens and she leads you to the counter.

"Well, let's talk a little about it then, (Y/N), what's going on? Can unnie help in any way?" She asks. You flipped your phone face down on the counter.

"Just... well, everything. The whole Kyungjae situation finally processed in my head, then everything with Hwa is kind of unstable, my best friend is going back to China for who knows how long, my brothers are really worried about me, and... just, too much." Now that you had listed everything out, you felt a heavy weight being pushed down on you. With all these priorities and responsibilities on your plate you just didn't know what to do next.

"Hmm, well," Saeron takes a moment to gather her thoughts, "everything with Kyungjae has been handled, for the most part. At least he won't be near you anymore, that's what matters. And as for you and Seonghwa, well, I can't speak for his end, but you very clearly want to make that work, so have faith in that," she starts, she looks over toward the door for a moment, "to be honest, (Y/N), I don't think I can say much on you and Yangyang, but I don't think the distance will change anything especially if you value your friendship, so have faith in that as well. Your brothers, on the other hand, I'm sorry that I can't say much on that either, you know them better than I do, but I'm sure they do it from a place of love, just as I'm talking with you now," she says. She pats the suitcases lightly. "You know, when I get upset, I like to do my favorite hobby, and in this case it's organizing! Why don't you do something too?" She asks.

"I think I will, unnie! But, can I ask what exactly you're organizing?"

"The WayV dorm!" She smiles. "Those boys need a woman's touch, you know," she giggles. Jihyun, however, watches with wide eyes.

"Those poor boys," she mutters.

"What was that, dear?" Searon doesn't even turn her head.

"Nothing, my love," Jihyun turns a page in her book. "But... (Y/N), why don't you come with me to my room? I think I know exactly how you can relax before your date," Jihyun gestured for you to follow her and you did just that.

As soon as you walked in, Yeseul's eyes shone.

"Jie! You're a genius!" Yeseul's hands clasp over yours. "(Y/N), you're a lifesaver!"

"Hmm?" You look around and spot the music program open on Jihyun's desktop.

"(Y/N), please, please, please collaborate with me!" Yeseul begs. Before you could answer, Jihyun presses play and the backtrack fills the room.

"Oh?" You sit down on the bed and listen to the beat. "Oh."

"Yes! Jihyun and I have been wrapping our heads around what the song was missing and now I've got it! I should sing it with someone else!"

"Oh, unnie, you know I'm not the strongest-"

"Don't be ridiculous, you're plenty strong! In all aspects! Please say yes," she plead. Well, you couldn't deny that you liked the track a lot, and you'd known for a while now that Jihyun and Yeseul were working on the next NCTLab, but you didn't think they'd want you to be involved this much. "Come on, (Y/N)! Saeron is even writing the lyrics! Let's make it a family project!" She continues.

"... I'm in," you nodded your head curtly, "but I have to get ready for my date so let's just read through it once!"

Seonghwa looked at his watch while he waited at the bottom floor of the dorms. The bouquet of roses in his hands slowly grew heavier as the minute hand ticked on. He took a deep breath, the jitters in his chest becoming more and more apparent. It's not like this was your first date, he didn't understand why he was this nervous. Then, he heard the doors slide open, and you bounded out.

And just like that his heart stopped.

"Wow," he mumbles.

"Sorry, I got so caught up with the girls," you fixed your earrings just as you stood in front of him, "did I make you wait long?"

"For you, I'd wait however long I need to," he replies. A small smile rose on your face. "And these are for you," he hands you the bouquet and you accepted it carefully.

"They're beautiful, thank you," you played with the red ribbon that tied them together. "Ten! Bring these upstairs for me, please!" You called. Ten emerged from his hiding spot.

"You're good," his eyes narrow.

"And tell the others that there's nothing to worry about," you handed him the roses. Ten glared at Seonghwa, gesturing that he, and likely every member of NCT, was watching him carefully.

"Call off the operatives," Ten mutters under his breath.

"What was that?" You asked him.

"Nothing, (Y/N), just have fun! But not too much fun," he glares at Seonghwa.

"I'll have her home by 11," Seonghwa just smiles. Ten disappears into the dorm, never once breaking eye contact.

"You'll have to excuse them," you chuckled.

"I don't blame them," Seonghwa digresses. He offers you his arm. "Shall we, then?" You looped your arm around his.

"We shall, take me away, love!"

The walk, surprisingly, wasn't as far as you thought it was. Sure, there was the occasional passerby who snapped a picture of the both of you, but for whatever reason you didn't seem to care. Even at the restaurant, when you felt every set of eyes land on you, you didn't care. No, instead you found comfort in yours and his hands which had so naturally found themselves together. You just looked forward to the wonderful night you had in store. Sure, you had to get the grueling details out of the way first, but what's a relationship without its hurdles?

"Table for two, correct?" The hostess asks. Seonghwa nods. "Let's see, Park Seonghwa... Park Seonghwa... Ah, here you are, reserved balcony seating, with Dinner Plan A please follow me," she sets off and the two of you are quick to follow.

The balcony was romantic, to say the least. It was a private area with the table in the middle, atop it was a charming candelabra and the dining set atop it was eye-catching. Even the decor that surrounded you seemed to set the mood so perfectly.

"You really planned it out, huh?" Seonghwa pulled the chair out for you and pushed it back in once you were settled. He swung his suit jacket over the back of the chair before taking his own seat.

"Too much?" He asks.

"Never," you replied. The waiter placed your appetizers in the middle of the table before pouring champagne into both of your glasses. Once he was gone, you folded your arms over the table. "So... Kyungjae."

"Right, the elephant in the room," Seonghwa leans on his chair. "It's true, we went to grade school together, but that was the extent of it. Even now, when I ran into him again, I didn't consider us friends at all. The fact that he did those horrible things to you, though, I will admit is my fault."

"Your fault? Hwa, you couldn't have known he was strange like that," you tipped the champagne glass to give it a taste. "But you going to his apartment, that was dangerous. You know as well as I do that as idols we can't do reckless things like that."

"I know, there's no excuse for our recklessness-"

"Our?!"

"... we may or may not have all been in on it."

"Oh god, Hwa, imagine the..." your voice trailed off and you took a calming bite of the tart in front of you. "Thank you. Even though it was reckless, who knows what Kyungjae would have done to me," you were genuine when you said it. "Not many people would've done that for me."

"Probably Yangyang."

"Probably Yangyang," you laughed, "but then we'd probably never see him again," you reasoned. The waiter returned and took the now empty plates and replaced them with the main entreé. As soon as he was out of earshot, you continued. "I still can't believe San didn't blab it all to me somehow," you hummed.

"Me too, and to be honest, there was another factor too," Seonghwa's eyes glanced up in thought. "Okay, first, let me say that it won't sound believable at all, but I promise it's true," he says cautiously. You lean in with your curiosity piqued. "There was someone who texted all of us and said we'd have insurance, and I think he was there at the apartment that day too," he said quietly. You blinked once.

"There are two things wrong with what you just told me, baby."

"I know," Seonghwa nods curtly. "We're going to deal with the whole phone thing tomorrow, but there was this oddly timed event when Kyungjae received a package right before I got caught, it couldn't have been a coincidence," Seonghwa continues.

"Huh, that is interesting," you mumbled. "Talk about luck."

"I know," Seonghwa whistles.

"Hey, um... since the mood is like this we'd might as well get it out of the way," you spoke up again, "was there anything else we should get out of the way?"

"Well," Seonghwa moved his food around with his fork. "Yes, actually. I think I owe you the full truth."

"You do."

"That day-"

"Excuse me!" You turned your head toward the man that had approached your table. "I'm sorry, I'm such a huge fan I had to ask for your autograph, but all I have is your photocard here," he opens his phone case.

"Oh, sure, do you have a," he cut you off by handing you a sharpie. "Sorry," you apologized to Seonghwa and scribbled your signature over your face and handed the card back to him.

"Thank you so much! Fighting! I can't wait to see your next project!" The fan bows his head and runs off.

"Anyway," you turned back to Seonghwa just in time to notice him writing his signature in a woman's notebook. He handed it back to her with a smile and she ran off. "So-"

"Would the two of you like to take a look at our wine menu?" The waiter seemingly appears next to your table and you cut into your meal a little too hard, the knife clanging against the plate harshly. You released the breath you'd been holding.

"No thank you, but could you make sure no one else walks out here?" Seonghwa answers for you.

"Of course, sir," the waiter dismisses himself and leaves the two of you alone.

"Sometimes I forget we're popular," you drank more of your champagne. "Anyway, please continue. What do you mean by full truth?"

"I think I should tell you what exactly Juliet had on both of us. For you, it was what happened between you and Yangyang that night. For me-" the loud camera shutter startled both of you.

"Seriously? Have they no shame?" You pressed your lips together but kept your expression straight. You knew well enough that if you showed that you were annoyed you'd get an earful so, instead, you continued to eat.

"I'll wait until they're gone before I say, I don't want it getting misconstrued," Seonghwa cuts into his dinner while side-eyeing the paparazzi. He clears his throat. "Until then, though, how has your day been?"

"Hectic," your shoulders slumped. "First I found out my brothers are coming to visit, then I found out that Yangyang's not actually leaving for a whole ass year instead he'll be gone a month, and now I think I'm collaborating with Yeseul for an NCT Lab," you counted the events on your hand. Click, shutter, flash.

"Brothers? I thought you only had the one," Seonghwa asks.

"Oh, I have two, I'm the middle child. I'm a little excited though, I've been wanting to introduce you to them both!" You grinned. "But I said my bit, so how about you?"

"Hm, I had rehearsal earlier and... wait, actually, did you know San and Saeron were related?"

"Huh? Yeah, of course I did, you guys didn't?" Click, shutter, flash.

"He never mentioned it!"

"In his defense, they're not actually related, they're pretty distant if anything. They really only saw each other at, like, holiday parties and birthdays," you laughed and all Seonghwa could do was smile. And, you had to admit, you missed the warm feeling you always had when you saw it. The way it spread across your chest and to your face, it was such a comforting feeling. "What are you looking at?" Your hands rose to your face and you made sure there weren't any crumbs on it or anything. Click, shutter, flash.

"Just you, who else?" He chuckles. "You're radiant tonight," he says. Talk about a finishing move. No matter where you looked, nothing could hide the bashful expression you had. Click, shutter, flash.

"I missed this." Ah, who were you kidding? "I missed you."

"I missed you too," Seonghwa replied quietly, enough for you to hear and you alone. Click, shutter, flash.

"They're tenacious," you rolled your eyes with a smile.

"I wonder what the pictures will look like."

"Oh god, I hope they're getting my good side," your expression settles on your idol smile. Click, shutter, flash.

"Mine too," Seonghwa straightens his posture. Click, shutter, flash. "It's a shame though," he opens the camera app on his phone, "your good side is the one facing me," he snaps a quick candid picture of you and flips it so you could see.

"Wow, you always manage to get the best pictures of me!" You immediately thought of the album you had of the both of you. You were more of a candid picture and video kind of person, a lot of what you had on the two of you were pictures taken in the moment or some taken without him knowing.

"I mean..." Seonghwa slid his phone to you and you scrolled through the album. Click, shutter, flash.

"Oh god, if any of these got out I could kiss my image goodbye," you covered your mouth to hide your laugh. You stopped on one of the images. It was taken right at the perfect moment, you think. It was your last evening in Rome and the two of you had decided to spend it in the hotel room. Seated on the balcony with the sunset in front of you, the picture really only showed your silhouette and... "a ring?" You looked at him with wide eyes now. "I don't think..." you looked around, cameras were still pointed at you. Seonghwa glanced too and slid you a velvet box, and he did so behind the wine bottle such that the paparazzi couldn't intrude. Your hand rested on top of it now, your fingertips just barely brushing over his.

"I... uh..." Seonghwa swallows harshly. "I'm not asking you to marry me, not yet, there's still so much I want for us to do together before we can take that step together. But, after everything that's happened and after everything we've been through, I really thought about it." You opened the box. It was a silver ring with a ruby in the center. "(Y/N), I've had this ring since our first anniversary, I just didn't know how to give it to you, and I didn't know what to say. But I do now."

"Seonghwa, I..." you couldn't form words, or at least, you couldn't put them in order.

"I can't promise that we won't go through tough times and I can't promise that it will get any easier, but I can promise that I will stay with you throughout it all, no matter what, I promise that I will always choose you," he confesses. "If you'll have me, that is, you don't need to give me a response now, I know there are cameras on us and-" you stood up almost abruptly. "Wait, wait, what's wrong? I'm sorry, I know I should have timed it better!" He stood up too, ready to follow you out if anything, but his words fell on deaf ears, you just needed something to hold, anything.

"Ugh, this will do," you grabbed one of the empty plates and held it up to cover your face. "Hold this, please. I'm going to kiss you right now."

"What? I... okay," his glance slid to the plate and he grabbed the other end right as you let go of it to hold his face instead.

The kiss was like magic. The flashes of cameras were hidden behind that plate, and it truly felt like it was just you and him in that moment. Then, you heard him place the plate down, but neither of you pulled away, neither of you wanted to. His hand wrapped around yours and he pulled it down in front of his and your chests.

"Jung (Y/N), I love you," he slid the ring onto your finger.

"Park Seonghwa, I love you too, and I promise to stay by your side too," you swore this on everything you were just as he did.

What happened next was like an omen. The romantic moment was perturbed by both of your phones going off at the same time. Both of your gazes fell on your respective devices before settling on each other.

"Oh... that can't be good," you swallowed harshly, especially when you both turned your phones over and saw that your respective managers were calling you. It was now when you both became hyperaware of the whispers around you. You both sat back down to answer your blaring phones.

"(Y/N). Come back as soon as you can. There is an urgent meeting with the PR team right away."

"Right away? What's wrong? What happened?" You and Seonghwa looked at each other again across the table and you felt your heart drop. The expression on his face was one you'd never seen on him before. It was complete and utter distraught. You pulled your phone away to see the second call that was coming in. "I'll be in as soon as I can, I'm sorry, Suho, Yangyang's calling me."

"As long as you're in tonight," was the last thing Suho said before you switched to Yangyang.

"(Y/N), I know you do whatever the hell you want, but if you listen to me once then don't do anything, don't look at anything, hell, don't even say anything."

"What's going on?"

"Look, (Y/N), we're giving Seonghwa the benefit of the doubt, but holy fucking shit what he said was horrible. Look... just trust me, okay? I don't want you to be alone."

"Oh... okay," you looked at Seonghwa again and he just shook his head. Yangyang hung up the phone and you saw the flurry of texts on your phone. all of them checking in on you and all of them worried about you. You opened one of the messages from an unknown number, all it had was a link to a Twitter thread, and the link matched many others on your phone. One link that stood out was from your manager, it was attached to a short message that said 'I was instructed not to show you this until the meeting but... it's better you prepared yourself.' You opened the link and it opened to a series of videos from a user by the @/julesCT. The thumbnail was grainy, but it was clear that it was taken in one of the Music Bank waiting rooms. You played the video.

“Look, I don’t know about this.” It was clearly Seonghwa's voice. “Dating? Now? ATEEZ is going so well and ANiMA? Sheesh, I don’t even know where to start with that group…” You felt a pang in your chest from the tone in his voice. The two people in the video, although hard to make out, their hair colors stood out easily. If it really was Seonghwa talking, you could assume the video was from two years ago now based on their hair.

“I mean, do you want to date her?” Hongjoong, you knew his voice as well as Seonghwa's.

“I just don’t want any unnecessary drama. Can you imagine the scandal from this? Either way I look at it, it’s going to be worse. She’s a nice girl but the scandals following her? Even if most of them aren’t even her fault, it’s hard to not associate those with her.” There were parts of the audio that were garbled, but some of the messages were clear.

“I understand, why don’t you ask her yourself?”

“I heard that she's a really pretentious person. Maybe conceited? What if the rumors are true that she just plays around with different guys? I don’t want to be part of that.” You couldn't control your expression, and such must have been clear to your date in front of you.

"(Y/N), let me explain," Seonghwa says, you held your hand up.

“I just don’t want to be another name in her so-called "playbook,” you know? I hear people talk about it all the time." Seonghwa's voice concludes. You heard more muffled audio, probably a response from Hongjoong, but you couldn't tell. You were too hung up on that word, playbook. What the hell? Aside from Seonghwa you'd only dated one other person. Sure, you were talking to a couple of people before debut too, but never anything concrete. What the hell kind of playbook was going around?

There was a second video under it. You played it, whether out of curiosity or out of spite you didn't know.

“Whoa! Hyung! Got the NCT girl?” San too?

“We’re just trying things out, the first date went… rough.” Seonghwa's voice. Sure, your first date wasn't stellar, but to talk about it with that tone? Was it that bad?

“Dang, you’re about to make other idols pretty mad,” San laughed. “You know, a bunch of other guys have their eyes on her. Rumor has it she was a total catch back in university, guys were flocking over to her daily. I hear she slept around a lot too.” You almost gasped. Was that really how they thought of you at first? You were certain that they didn't think of you that way now, but just what kind of rumors went around about you? What did you do for them to start anyway?

"(Y/N), please," Seonghwa, the real one now, tried to cut into your thoughts. His voice was quiet, but you could clearly hear him over the video and over the whispers. You didn't stop the video, however.

“Oh, come on, those are just rumors. You have the same ones.”

“Aren’t you curious though?” San seemingly asked with a teasing tone. You could barely make out the two figures in the video, but one of them seemed to shake their head. “You’re lying~” The video cut off. You turned your phone off and placed it face down on the table. You couldn't bring yourself to look up.

"(Y/N)," Seongwha's voice was quiet in front of you.

"They're... they're not real, are they?" You asked. The restaurant had fallen into a tense silence. Everyone was listening in on your conversation. Out of consideration, the waiters closed the door to the balcony, giving the two of you the privacy you should've already had.

"Not... not entirely," Seonghwa answers.

"But they're real?" You asked. You, of all people, knew how easy it was to modify evidence and to pick videos apart to make someone seem worse than they really were. You, of all people, knew how ruthless netizens could be. But even with context, you struggled to understand how it could mediate the situation. This whole time, you still couldn't bring yourself to raise your head. You saw Seonghwa's hands fold on top of each other, and you saw the way they trembled.

"Yes, they're actually conversations I've had," he confirms, you covered your mouth now, holding back a sob. The cold metal of the ring rested against your lip, and it just made the whole thing harder. "But... they're not the full conversations, there are parts of them edited out," he says. You figured as much, there were parts of the audio that had awkward cuts, and then there were the muffled responses despite the other ones having been heard clearly before. "I... I was going to tell you right before our managers called." You couldn't blame him for that, at every opportunity he had, it became too clear that someone unwanted was listening.

"I see," you replied. You looked up now and you felt your heart twist. The last time you saw him like this, looking like someone who had realized he fucked up, was just a few months ago. And now, again, your relationship, and your patience, are being tested. Tears pricked at the side of your eyes. "Edited or not, Seonghwa, the fact that you said those things about me is something I can't overlook. I know, I know you said these before we got to know each other better, but... I'm sorry, some of those things you and the others said... those are hard to forgive," your voice grew weaker with every word. Seonghwa said nothing throughout this. Instead, his head hung low. He couldn't deny the facts, he couldn't deny that it really was him in both of those videos. You started to play with the ring on your finger now, and Seonghwa's breath hitched.

"I am so sorry, (Y/N)," he apologizes. "You're right. I said those things before I knew you, and so did San, and so did Hongjoong. But none of us were in any place to make assumptions like that. If I could show you the unedited videos, I would, believe me. But I can't, so please, just take my word for it. I don't believe any of those things we said now, and I know better." You looked away from him.

"I know that," you nodded your head. "It's just... sorry, I know, I really do believe you, Hwa, but fuck how could anyone say anything like that? That's not fair," you shook your head slowly. You grabbed your things. "I... I'm going home, I have a meeting about this. Thank you for telling me, I'll relay it to the PR team and... we'll," you looked into the restaurant and saw all the prying eyes turn their heads quickly, "we'll talk about this later, okay? I'm not mad, I'm just... really disappointed that I had to find out this way," you explained. You looked into the restaurant again, the way to the exit suddenly seeming much longer than before. Again, you played with the ring on your finger. You turned back around to Seonghwa, who was still looking at you. His hand was on the back of his chair and he looked as if he was about to get up and follow you.

"(Y/N), I'm sorry, I really did try to tell you," he says.

"I know," you nodded curtly. "And you also promised... that we'd deal with our troubles together," you said. "And I'm planning on keeping my promises, I always do, so..." you took a deep breath. "Let's face this together then, this is just another hurdle we have to go through together," you held your hand out to him. Seonghwa took a steadying breath now, and he accepted your hand.

"Together, then," he says. He pulls his coat from the back of his chair and wraps it around your shoulders. You opened the balcony doors and, right as questions started flying and cameras started recording, you and Seonghwa pushed through the crowd silently, finding security only in your hands that held onto each other so tightly.

Prominence will return for its third and final season soon.

General Tag List: @stopeatread @bat-shark-repellant @raeincitizen @umbralhelwolf @yangsrose @kazooms @sadcoffeecritic

NCT Tag List: @cherrylovr @minjiville @resonantcherry

Prominence: @leesalts @jcngh0-hq @kpopslittles1ut @marsophilia @zwiehe @uzumakioden @mythicalamphitrite @w4yh0me @dear-dreamie @samsemsame @lune1897 @billboard-singer @cookiechristie

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smaller-comfort · 2 months

Note

Ask game for "A Certain Slant of Light" or "A Light Exists in Spring"?

3. Did the idea(s) change at all by the time the fic was complete?

11. What was the most challenging aspect of writing it?

21. Did the fic end up shorter or longer than you had planned?

Ooh!

3. So, A Certain Slant of Light started with the idea of the anti-stork and the effigy, and Garl having to confront the reality of the world outside of Mooncradle. That was always the core of it, and then it grew a little when I decided I wanted to bring in a few more characters. It didn't change too much beyond that point, really.

ALEiS started out as a footnote/alternate scene to B'st and Resh'an's conversation in ACSoL, where Resh'an was extremely mopey, and then I skipped straight to writing the porn. I'd say its final state is pretty drastically different from those first drafts; the entire first chapter originally belonged to a different story. Resh'an was also a lot more of a sadsack in that initial alternate scene. Like, just irredemably morose. And B'st deserves better than that! Thankfully, Resh'an agrees with me on that front and mostly got his shit together in the rewrites.

11. ACSoL- writing Garl was the hardest part. And Serai, a little bit, but mostly Garl. All of the "kids" (I count Serai in that, even though she's technically not) are difficult for me to get a handle on. I also rewrote a lot of the second chapter multiple times, but that was a different kind of difficult. (I tend to work tricky scenes over in my head when I'm at my part time job, so chapter 2 is inextricably linked to the yarn section at [Big Box Craft Store] in my brain.)

ALEiS- Beginnings and endings! I had to figure out how to get Resh'an from point A to point B, and from point B to horizontal and at least partially unclothed. Difficult to do when he's so goddamn mopey in this series. And I never know how to end a story.

21. ACSoL- only a little; chapter 2 was only supposed to be a little closing scene, but the whole thing stayed relatively contained. ALEiS, on the other hand, was only supposed to be like 3k words, and ended up being nearly 3x longer. I blame this on B'st's tendency to wax lyrical on me- I still sort of feel like a fanfic should be 5000 words long, so every time I overshoot that, I feel like I'm in some kind of bizarro world. I used to be concise! That used to be a thing I prided myself on being! I have lost control of my life, etc etc.

#literacy was a mistake #nattering

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crystalninjaphoenix · 1 year

Text

Spitfire Cat

A JSE Fanfic

SepticHeroes AU: Part 21

First Part | Previous Part

Whoo! I've been waiting for this for forever! :D Jackie goes to confront Spitfire about the information he found, bringing the others along with him. And Spitfire finally opens up about his past and why he hates the League of Heroes so much. I'm so excited, guys. Gonna stop writing this author's note so we can get right to it :)

===============

“That’s... insane.”

“I know, right?!” Jackie paced back and forth in the apartment living room, right in front of the TV. Chase was sitting on the sofa with Frosty at his feet, eyes wide at everything Jackie had just rushed in to tell him. “If—if I was forced to guess at his secret identity, I would never guess that!”

“Yeah. It’s insane.” Chase whistled. “So, let me see if I’m getting this. This guy is the guy who ran into us in JJ’s shop the other day, right? You said you guys did Hero stuff together. And that whole time, you meant that he was a super villain you were working with.”

“Temporarily,” Jackie stressed. “It was a temporary alliance to deal with the Puppeteer stuff. I’ve never worked with villains before.”

Chase raised his hands defensively. “I wasn’t saying you did. Just getting things in order. Anyway, this villain really hates the League of Heroes, but this whole time, he was a Hero.”

“No, he’s not—not, like, being a double-agent or anything,” Jackie said. “He went rogue and then faked his death, and then became Spitfire Cat.”

“Right.” Chase nodded. “How long ago was this Phoenix guy’s fake death?”

“That was three years ago. Spitfire Cat showed up about two years ago.” Jackie rubbed his eyes. “It matches up. Timeline matches up.” A breeze fluttered through the room, flicking clothes and hair. “It all matches up!”

“Jeez, bro, take a deep breath or something,” Chase said. “Look. Does it really change that much? You already knew he—what was his name again? His real one?”

“Marvin Nedra.”

“You already knew Marvin was a criminal, is being a rogue Hero really that different?”

“I guess... not... functionally, but—but it really confuses me!” Jackie sputtered. “Spitfire Cat has always hated the League, and I mean really fucking loathed them. But if he used to be a Hero, then—what happened?”

“Hmm. Dunno. I guess he’ll be the only one to know.” Chase shrugged.

“I guess.” Jackie sighed and stopped pacing. “I gotta tell JJ and Schneep about this.”

“Why? You just said it’s not ‘functionally’ different.”

“Well, I should have told them about that guy being a villain in the first place! I should have let you all know the risks! Besides, I just told you, so it’s only fair I tell them too.” Jackie took his phone out of his pocket and started typing out a message.

“You’re gonna let them know through text?” Chase asked. “Isn’t that a bit like breaking up with someone through the phone?”

“No, I know this is big news, and I’m going to tell them in person. I just need to know when they’re both available. I’m putting this in the new group chat.”

“Oh hell yeah.” Chase grinned. He’d made the group chat the day before yesterday and titled it Windstorm Fan Club. Hilarious.

Jackie sent the text, and got an immediate answer from Schneep. I am at work for the rest of the day. Hospital until evening and then on call for emergencies all night. Tomorrow is the earliest I could meet for this “important news.”

“Hmm. Right. Makes sense.” Jackie nodded.

“It might be a while before JJ answers,” Chase said. “Why don’t you sit down? Stop hovering.”

“I’m not hovering.”

“Yeah, you are.” Chase pointed at Jackie’s feet. There was about an inch of air between Jackie’s shoes and the floor.

“Oh.” Jackie dropped to the floor. “Sorry.”

“No, don’t be. God, were you doing shit like that often and I just didn’t notice?”

“Definitely not. I was being very careful. And you’re very smart, you would have seen if I’d been doing it. I guess I’m just not looking out as much now that you know.” It was nice, actually, to not have to constantly monitor himself.

Another text, this time from JJ. Tomorrow could work. Ned might drop by in the afternoon. He wanted to do something together.

Jackie stared at the message. The breeze in the room kicked up a notch. “Oh.”

Chase checked the group chat on his own phone. His brows furrowed. “Ned’s the guy who’s actually Marvin, right?”

“Yeah.” Jackie paused. “You know what? More than telling Schneep and JJ what I found, I want to tell Spitfire what I found. I need to know what happened and what the fuck’s going on with him.”

“Ah.” Chase raised an eyebrow. “So... the difference is to you.”

“What?”

“You found out some new shit and now you’re seeing him differently. I get it. I mean, I went through that just a few days ago with you and Schneep.” Chase gestured between Jackie and himself. “I get it.”

“...yeah, I guess you would.” Jackie gave a little laugh. Then he turned his attention back to the group chat and typed out another message. Actually, JJ. Ned should be involved in this. Can you tell him when he gets to your shop? Then the rest of us can come over and I can say everything all at once.

A few seconds passed. Sure, I suppose, JJ said. Should I tell him everyone is coming?

I dunno. He might leave if he knows so Ill leave that up to you.

Alright.

Jackie looked back at Chase. “So, ready to go over to JJ’s at any moment tomorrow?”

“I have work, but I can call in sick,” Chase said.

“Great. It takes a while to get to JJ’s place so we’ll have to go right away.” Jackie nodded. He started pacing again.

“Bro, I meant it when I said to sit down,” Chase said. “You’re making me nervous.”

“Sorry.” He stopped again. “Don’t worry. There’s nothing to be nervous about.” Probably. They would be confronting a supervillain with his past tomorrow. There might be cause for nerves then.

===============

They got the text at one thirty the next day. Ned just showed up. We’ll be in my apartment upstairs, walk right in and meet us up there, JJ said.

Jackie and Chase wasted no time, heading down to the train station as soon as possible. They quickly made it to Zeit Way. Possibly a bit too quickly. Chase was panting heavily when they reached Jackson Legacy Crafts and needed to rest for a moment outside the door. Jackie hadn’t realized just how athletic he was until that moment; maybe there was something super about his stamina.

Schneep showed up a minute later. “Chase, are you alright?” he asked, immediately concerned.

“Fine.” Chase was still breathing heavily. “Fine, just... ran. Don’t... run much.” He pressed two fingers to his neck. “Everything’s... fine.”

“Alright,” Schneep said slowly. “Be careful.” Then he turned to Jackie. “So. What is this about? Why is it important?”

“We’ll all talk about it inside.” Jackie pushed on the door, only to realize it was locked. “Wait. Damn it.”

“I got it.” Schneep stepped around him and took a key out of his pocket, opening the door. “After you two.”

They headed in and straight for the staircase at the back, which they took slowly because Chase was being even more careful about stairs than usual. But soon they reached the trapdoor. Schneep was at the front, so he was the one to push it open. Chase and then Jackie followed him up into the apartment.

JJ and Spitfire were sitting on the sofa together, with JJ holding the television remote, switching through movies on Netflix, and Spitfire lounging next to him. It was strange to see the two of them being so casual. But it didn’t last long. JJ noticed the three of them as they entered and put down the remote. I didn’t realize you all would be here so fast, he said. Are you alright, Chase?

“Mm-hmm. Just... we went a bit hard getting over here.” Chase reached down and patted Frosty’s head.

Alright. JJ nodded. So what’s all this about?

“We’re getting to that,” Jackie said, blatantly staring at Spitfire.

There must have been something in his expression, because Spitfire froze the moment he saw it. “Well, uh, I’ll head out now,” he said, hurriedly standing up. “I-I didn’t know you guys had something planned—”

“Oh, we have something planned,” Jackie said. “But you don’t need to leave for this.”

“Holy shit, Jackie, you make it sound like we’re going to murder him,” Chase whispered.

Apparently Spitfire took it the same way, because his eyes were darting all around the apartment. They lingered briefly on the window. As if he was seriously considering jumping out of it. JJ, picking up on the sudden shift in mood, stood up. Jackie mentioned some important news earlier, he said. And he thought you should know too. I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about.

“Uh, well, Jackie can email me later,” Spitfire said hurriedly. He walked quickly around the sofa, going in a wide circle around Jackie, Chase, and Schneep, and headed for the open staircase trapdoor.

Jackie flicked his hand. A gust of wind slammed the trapdoor shut. All the color drained from Spitfire’s face as he stared at the blocked escape route. “This isn’t email-worthy!” Jackie snapped. “This is something I need to hear from your mouth. I need to know what’s going on, Marvin!”

Spitfire—Marvin’s head snapped around. “What?!”

“Yeah, I know about it!” Jackie strode up to Marvin, who took one step back but no farther. “I found out about Light Phoenix, the rogue Hero. I made the connections—they’re not too hard to see if someone knows enough about you! Spitfire Cat, the villain who hates the League of Heroes, is Marvin Nedra. You are Marvin Nedra, aren’t you?! You’re Light Phoenix!” He paused. “Or, you were, at least.”

Marvin stared down at Jackie. His expression was hard to read, but Jackie could see the emotions in his eyes. Anger was there, as he expected. But it was not the main emotion. Instead... Marvin looked afraid.

“Jackie,” Schneep said quietly.

Jackie glanced back at him. He, Chase, and JJ were all standing in a cluster, looking shocked. And a bit wary. Not of Marvin, though.

“Um... bro, can you... calm down?” Chase asked. “You’re...kind of intense... right now.”

Jackie hadn’t realized how close he was to Marvin until Chase said that. He hadn’t noticed the tight knot in his chest, or the wind rattling around the room. Taking a deep breath, he deliberately relaxed his muscles and took a step back. “I’m not... angry,” he said, turning back to Marvin. “I’m just... very confused. I know you hate the League. You’ve monologued about it enough. But... you used to work with them. Until... something happened. And I’m just... confused.” He didn’t know how else to put it.

The fear in Marvin’s eyes died down, leaving only the anger. “Where did you learn all this about Light Phoenix?” he asked in a deliberately calm voice.

“Hero database profile. I got curious—”

“Why?”

“W-well, uh, a couple people mentioned him, said I was... like him.” Jackie paused. “So I got curious.” He cleared his throat. “And don’t you dare try to say that it wasn’t you or something, the profile had a picture and the guy was clearly you!”

“That’s not saying much. Look around.” Marvin gestured at the room. “We’re all doppelgangers here.”

“Okay, yeah, but I’m not an idiot,” Jackie said. “There was more information there! It all fucking lined up! Powers, nationality, age, height—the fucking burns on your arms like you escaped a fire. Like the fire where Light Phoenix supposedly died.” The wind was back, blowing his hair into his face. He took another deep breath. “Just... tell me why. I-I need to know why.”

Marvin stared at him. His eyes flicked back to the other three in the room, who remained silent. Then he looked back at Jackie. “You know what? Fine. Fine. Maybe this will change some things. Maybe you’ll open your eyes a little.” He turned and quickly walked towards the kitchen area. “Jameson, do you have anything I can drink? And I mean drink.”

JJ didn’t hide his surprise. There should be something in the back of the fridge?

“Great.” Marvin yanked open the fridge door.

“You’re getting drunk for this?” Jackie asked in disbelief.

“Not drunk. But if I’m going to tell a room full of basically-strangers my whole backstory I need some encouragement.” Marvin reached into the fridge and pulled out a bottle of something red. “What is this, a wine cooler? Good enough. Oh, and it twists, very nice.”

“Jamie, are you sure about that?” Schneep asked.

JJ nodded. It’s fine. I wasn’t going to drink those anyway.

Marvin twisted the cap off the bottle and took a small sip. Then a bigger swig. He glanced at everyone else. “Why are you all standing? This is going to take a while. Sit. Jackie, you especially. Don’t you dare leave in the middle of this. You asked for it, you don’t get to walk away.”

Everyone sat down. Chase, Schneep, and JJ took the sofa, while Jackie slowly took a seat in one of the armchairs, and Marvin flopped into the other. “Maybe we, uh... shouldn’t be here for this after all,” Chase said slowly. “It seems kind of... personal?”

“Ohhhh it is,” Marvin said, a bit bitterly, and took another drink. “But you’re staying. Jackie wanted to be here, so here you’ll be until I’m fucking finished. Okay?”

“Uh... alright, I guess,” Chase said. He glanced at Jackie, his eyes wide.

Jackie nodded slowly. He was already regretting his decision to confront Spitfire Cat with everyone here. But surely Marvin wouldn’t hurt people who had nothing to do with this.

“Alright. Where to start?” Marvin swirled the bottle for a moment. “I think... I think we start with my grandmam.”

“Uh...” Jackie coughed. “I-I don’t need to know everything about you—”

“No, this is vital information. I need you to know this so you can understand.” Marvin took another drink. “My parents kicked me out of their house when I was fifteen. They didn’t say that I was leaving and never coming back. They said ‘your grandmother is getting on in years and she needs some help living in the city, and it’s easier for you to transfer schools than it is for us to quit our jobs.’ But everyone knew.”

“Were they... anti-super?” Jackie asked tentatively.

“They were anti a lot of things, but it wasn’t the super part that got me thrown out.” Marvin shook his head. “That doesn’t matter. I didn’t see them again after that, so it’s not important. Fuck ‘em. What is important is how Grandmam reacted. I never understood why my dad was the way he was when she had been his mom. She also knew what it meant when I came to live with her, and she was furious. This sort of righteous, protective anger that I’d never seen—at least not centered around me. She never talked to my parents again, either. And she made it clear I didn’t have to. And I never really felt the need to, after living with her. She made me feel... like I actually mattered. Like I could do anything. And it was because I knew she would be there. Even if I crashed and burned and made some terrible choices, I could always go to her, and she would... she would give me a hug, and... tell me that it was okay... and that I was still her family.” Marvin blinked rapidly. He took a shaky breath and looked away from the group.

“She sounds like a good woman,” Schneep said softly.

“She was.” Marvin swallowed a lump in his throat. “She helped me go to uni. I-I chose somewhere close by. Great place. Learned some stuff. Probably could’ve gotten a decent job with my degree, but I didn’t want a decent job. I wanted to be one of the League’s Heroes.” He glanced at Jackie. “And that’s what surprised you?”

Jackie nodded slowly.

“Well, it really shouldn’t. Everyone loves superheroes. They keep us safe. They protect the innocent and look cool doing it. If you somehow get superpowers, everything tells you that you need to become a Hero. What are you even doing if you’re not using your powers to fucking... fight people? Are you using them for crime? Because clearly that’s the only other option. You don’t want to do crime, right? Then you’ll go to jail. Better become a Hero.”

Schneep raised his hand. “I have powers, and I became a doctor, not a Hero.”

Marvin blinked. “Well congratulations for breaking the mold.”

To be fair, you HAVE done criminal things, JJ said.

“That happened after, it was never my intention,” Schneep waved away that detail.

“In any case,” Marvin continued. “I wanted to be a Hero. I wanted to help people and look cool while doing it. So I started going out on my own. Same way you did, Jackie. Starting with petty stuff and working your way up until you finally feel confident enough to put in the application. Let me tell you, it fucking wrecked my sleep schedule to do classes and hero work at the same time.” He paused. “Grandmam found out. She was always sharp as a tack, even in her 70s. I-I thought she would be mad... but she wasn’t. She just wanted me to be happy. And careful, of course.” He laughed darkly and took another drink.

“So you worked for the League,” Jackie prompted.

“I did. And it was great. Sure, it was demanding, physically and mentally, but the smile on people’s faces when you came to the rescue, the knowing that you were making a difference... it made it worth it, in my eyes.”

Jackie swallowed a lump in his throat. That sentiment wasn’t too far off from his own feelings.

“And it was enough to overlook a lot of little problems with the League that I noticed,” Marvin continued. He looked at Schneep. “You’re a doctor, right? So you know about the fees.”

Schneep nodded. His fists clenched. “They are terrible. I have a fund set aside to help cover it for patients.”

“That has to be a lot.”

“It is. What do you think those ‘criminal things’ Jameson mentioned were for?”

Marvin laughed. “Hell yeah.” His expression quickly became serious again. “And that’s only one of the many things nobody talks about with the League. For example, have you heard of neutrinalin?” He glanced at Jackie. “I know you have by now.” Then at Schneep again. “And maybe you. But you other two don’t have powers, so maybe it’s not common knowledge. When you inject a super with neutrinalin, it temporarily blocks their powers. But the League originally planned for it to permanently disable any and all powers, no matter how strong.”

“What?!” Jackie gasped. “That—No. People would know about that.”

“They did. About four years ago, when word of the League’s plans got leaked, there was a huge backlash against the idea of it. People compared it to chopping off a thief’s hand for stealing. So... the League quietly dropped it.” Marvin rolled his eyes. “But I hear that’s because they couldn’t actually figure out how to make the effects stick forever like they wanted.”

“Okay, okay, that’s a bit sketchy,” Jackie admitted. “You can’t just go around taking away someone’s powers. I mean, unless they’re fine with it, I guess? But who would be fine with that? Ugh, it’s not important!” He shook his head. “What does any of this have to do with you killing a man and faking your death?!”

JJ gasped. Schneep looked shocked. Chase glanced at the two of them and nodded. He’d reacted the same way when Jackie told him everything yesterday.

“So you really did find out everything,” Marvin stated, not a hint of emotion in his voice.

“Yeah! And I’m wondering what the hell that’sall about! Though I don’t know why I’m surprised, you did try to assassinate Pink Sunlight back in July.”

“And if I’d succeeded, she would have been the second person I’d ever killed.” Marvin sighed. “To be honest, I regret trying that now. It probably wouldn’t have done much. But Andras Brand? I’ll never regret that.”

“The profile said that the guy was in custody at the time, there was no reason to fucking murder him! You didn’t have to do that.”

“I think I did, actually.” Marvin locked eyes with Jackie. “And I’d do it again. In a heartbeat.”

Jackie stared back, not backing down. “Why?”

A few seconds passed. Marvin was the first to break eye contact, turning to the side and taking another drink. “Andras Brand was a villain called Hellferno,” he said. “And he was an absolute psychopath. He terrorized the country for years. One time he took a whole city hostage and said he would burn a building full of people every three hours the government didn’t give him some ridiculous amount of money. And then when they caved, he used the money as tinder for the next year. The only reason he wasn’t a national-level threat was because he was smart enough to know what line not to cross.”

“He sounds awful, but—” Jackie started.

“Yeah, I know, he was arrested, I’m getting there, okay?!” Marvin snapped. “Look, Hellferno hated my guts. He said I was a disgrace to fire-based supers, and my powers weren’t even real fire. Which they aren’t, but I never claimed they were. Everyone else described them like that. Anyway. We fought a lot. It started with him attacking me for being a fake fire-super, and then over time I just knew him so well that other Heroes started calling me in to deal with him. And he hated that even more.” A small smirk curled around Marvin’s mouth. “Hated that he kept losing, too. Had to retreat almost every time. I was some upstart who was ten years younger than him, and yet I was better.”

“So you killed your nemesis,” Jackie prompted.

Marvin’s smirk faded. He looked down, picking at the label on the bottle. “He found out who I was,” he said quietly. “We were fighting, and my mask got knocked off, and he saw. I-I was freaked out, but everyone said it was fine, that he didn’t know anything else about me besides my face... but that was enough. I-I later found out that he paid a minor villain to track me down online. I... I didn’t know that at the time, though. I thought it would be fine. It... wasn’t.”

The silence in the room was heavy. Marvin took a deep breath and continued. “I was out on patrol one day. It was quite busy, a lot of small-time villains running around and disappearing before I could put the cuffs on them. And then I heard on the police scanner that... there was a fire. A house fire. At... at my address. At the house where... where I lived with my grandmam.”

Jackie opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. He didn’t know what he would have said anyway.

“I ran there right away, but it was too late. Everything was already up in flames. I-I’m not immune to fire but I wanted to run in. She only left the house a couple times a week. I knew she would be in there. I had to go in and get her. But Tasha—have you heard of her, Jackie? Her super name is Downpour. She makes it rain. Before she made it rain on the blazing fire, she stopped me. She held me back, insisting I couldn’t get myself hurt, and I-I was screaming that I was a Hero, I was supposed to charge into danger, and my grandmam was inside, she couldn’t possibly get out on her own, and she—she fucking punched me so hard she knocked me out.” Marvin’s grip on the bottle tightened. “It took five minutes for her to hold me back. Five minutes when she could have started the rain.”

Marvin looked up. “So yeah. Andras Brand murdered the only real family I had left. And I was pissed. But... I was still a Hero. I wasn’t going to lose control. Even when the next time I saw him he laughed about it and asked me how the funeral was. He fucking did it to get to me. Well, maybe he shouldn’t have bragged about it. Because that pissed me off enough to finally get him. We fought. I knocked him out. I used the new neutrinalin stuff. And that was it.”

The silence was deafening. Jackie could have sworn he could hear the clocks ticking in the shop below. He glanced at the others. Chase was stunned, taking it all in. Schneep looked thoughtful. And JJ had tears in his eyes.

“But you know that wasn’t the end of the story,” Marvin continued. “It should have been. But it wasn’t. Brand’s crimes were bad enough to send him to Byrthon Vault, the highest-security super prison in the ‘British Isles.’” He snorted. “British my ass, they’re only one fifth of the countries. But that’s beside the point. The point is, that’s what I expected. That’s what we all expected. But it’s not what happened.”

“It wasn’t?” Schneep asked, looking more curious than surprised.

“Noooo. Because like I said, Brand was smart. If there was one thing he was skilled at, besides sadism, it was getting out of trouble. He made a deal. Hellferno was connected to a bunch of villains, including some major players. So, if he got a nice minimum security prison and less than a life sentence, he would hand them all over. The offer went all the way to the Council of Heroes themselves. And it. Was. Approved.” Marvin’s eyes flashed orange, as bright as the anger in his voice.

“The League doesn’t... doesn’t make deals with villains...” Jackie said slowly.

“Why not? Heroes do it all the time.” Marvin gave Jackie a pointed look.

“That—We’re taking down the Puppeteer!”

“Exactly the sort of logic the League was using.” Marvin took another drink. “But they did it in a different way than you did with me. I... I don’t know how to explain it. I think it’s because there was more than cold logic in your decision. You weren’t like ‘many villains is more than one,’ it was more like... ‘I think we can help people together.’ Does that make sense?”

“I... Just... keep going,” Jackie said haltingly.

“As you wish,” Marvin said drily. “Well, as you can imagine, when I heard about this, I was fucking livid. No one knew Brand better than I did, and I knew he was smiling about it. He’d managed to play the fucking League like a cheap kazoo. I did everything I could to point this out to anyone. I thought, maybe if enough people were talking about it, the League would change their mind and stick to justice. But no one wanted to talk about it. Other Heroes might have disagreed, but they didn’t want to do anything. And forget about the higher-ups. They just said the same sorts of things. Letting Brand get what he wanted was a route to further peace. Which, like, I understand that logic, but—but no! No! This wasn’t the way to go about it!”

“Maybe... you were just upset because of... you know,” Chase said quietly.

Marvin looked at him. The sharpness in his face softened a bit. “Yeah. That... wasn’t helping things. I know.” He paused, and the sharpness returned. “The League said something like that, too. But not in the way you did just now. They said I was ‘compromised.’ Because I was ‘personally involved.’ And I was. Didn’t mean I wasn’t right, but I was. But do you know what they did next? They assigned me grief counseling.”

“You probably shouldn’t sound so angry about that,” Jackie muttered.

“I’m not angry about the decision, I’m angry about how it happened!” Marvin shouted. “Jackie, you probably have heard of the League-appointed therapists by now. Have you actually had one of their sessions?”

“...No,” Jackie said.

“Good. Because they fucking suck. I never had more than three sessions with one of those ‘therapists,’ because they were all saying the same fucking thing. It all boiled down to ‘hey, sucks that your grandmam died, but time to get over it and get back to work. Time to let it go so you can keep doing the sort of thing that got her killed.’” Marvin shook her head, disgusted. The air around him grew hotter. “None of them listened to me when I said I wasn’t ready. None of them acknowledged the situation with her murderer basically going free. They just said to forget about it. And the insult was that when I got a therapist outside of the League, they found out after two sessions and said that if I kept seeing her, they would dock my pay.”

“That can’t be legal,” Chase said.

“Who fucking cares about legal when you’re in the League?! It’s not legal to cut deals with criminals outside of a courtroom! But the League’s never set foot in a courtroom! The League makes its own rules!” Marvin laughed hysterically. “Who gives a shit, right?! What are the world governments going to do? Sue the guys providing free protection for their people?! No, that’d be crazy!” The laughter slowly died down. Marvin stared at the wall. He looked deeply exhausted.

“Did you do it out of anger at the League?” Jackie asked quietly.

Marvin glanced at him, not turning his head. “I did it because it was the only thing I could do. No one was listening. No one wanted to listen. Brand probably had some sort of escape in the works. Maybe he didn’t. But I knew him. He wouldn’t wait for the sentence to pass. He asked for less security so he had a chance of breaking out. And I couldn’t let him go back out there. I couldn’t let anyone else die.” His voice cracked on the last word.

No one dared say anything. Marvin continued. “So I had a plan. I knew that with my Hero status I could access the place they were keeping him. I didn’t tell anyone I was going there. I just showed up, and they let me in. I went straight to the cell. He was... sitting there. Reading a book in a chair. He looked up at me, smiling, and said, ‘Come for a visit? Do you want to reminisce? I have some memories I’d like to share.” Marvin paused. “I didn’t say anything. That smile of his slipped a bit. I always responded to his bait. He stared at me for a moment, and I think he saw my expression even around my mask. ‘Phoenix,’ he said. And then I killed him.” He raised his hand. A small sphere of red energy flickered in his palm. “Straight shot through the heart. It went through the chair, too. He died instantly. I wonder if he was afraid.” The sphere disappeared. “I turned and walked out, and kept walking. Then I started running. I knew what would happen next.”

“Being declared a rogue Hero,” Jackie whispered.

Marvin dropped his hand. “They told you the policy for a rogue, right?”

Jackie nodded. “Rogue Heroes are high priority. All Heroes in the area are to help search for them. If one of them finds the rogue, they’re meant to call it in so everyone can go help with the arrest.”

“Mein Gott, it’s a fucking manhunt,” Schneep whispered.

Jackie jumped a bit. He’d almost forgotten that Chase, Schneep, and JJ were listening as well.

“It’s a fucking manhunt,” Marvin agreed. “It’s really a miracle that I lasted as long as I did. Almost two weeks. Every couple days I’d have a scuffle with a Hero I’d known, some who I thought were friends, and then I’d have to leave the area immediately. I knew I couldn’t keep it up forever.”

“So you faked your death,” Jackie said quietly.

Marvin grinned. There was something grim about it. “Had to commit. Took a few days to prepare.” The grin disappeared. “I did feel like scum for breaking into a morgue and taking some of the cremated remains. But... I knew they could identify human DNA.” He paused. “Nowadays, decoy bodies won’t work. I hear that last year SepTech gave the League tech an upgrade that could identify who remains belonged to by comparing DNA to known samples and relatives. Not sure how many samples they have, but still. Worrying.”

“So that’s how you did it.” Jackie nodded slowly.

“Yep. I made sure they saw me on the edge of Dublin. I started a fire in the warehouse, left the remains in there, and...” Marvin went silent.

“What?” Jackie prompted.

“You know they have all Heroes’ fingerprints, right?”

“Yeah, they use those for the background checks.” Jackie remembered scanning a picture of his inked prints and attaching it to the application.

“Well they don’t get rid of those. If you go rogue, it’s easy to identify you by the fingerprints.” Marvin flexed his fingers. “So I had to make sure they couldn’t use that method.”

Jackie looked at Marvin’s gloved hands. The horrifying realization slowly dawned on him. “You don’t fucking mean—No. No no no no, you can’t mean—Holy shit. H-how the fuck—how do you just do that?!”

“It was... just as... difficult... as you think,” Marvin said haltingly.

“You can’t be fucking telling me you plunged your hands into fire.”

“You WHAT?!” Schneep gasped.

“I’m going to be sick,” Chase whispered. JJ certainly looked like he was going to, as well.

“It didn’t go well, but... i-it got rid of my fingerprints.” Marvin gave a weak smile.

“Yeah, that would do it! Holy shit!” Jackie leaned back in the chair, unable to stay upright at this. “You really hated the League enough to burn your arms.”

“Well the plan was for it to just be my fingertips, but things got... out of control,” Marvin said haltingly. “I’m lucky I can still use my hands, to be honest. I... spent too long thinking about the fire, and... about my grandmam, and the flames got... big. And then... the rest of the building caught quicker than I thought... and I just kept thinking about...” He trailed off, his gaze going distant.

I’m so sorry you had to go through that, JJ said.

“He didn’t have to go through anything!” Jackie shouted. “You didn’t have to burn your hands off!”

“Oh, and how else was I supposed to get rid of my fingerprints?”

“I don’t know! But you wouldn’t have had to do that if you hadn’t gone rogue!”

“I wouldn’t had gone rogue if anyone in the League had bothered to do their fucking job!” Marvin shot to his feet. The bottle fell to the floor, not breaking but spilling its contents in a wide arc. “Wake up, Jackie! They’ll treat you the same way! They may be telling you that you’re some special great Hero now, but that doesn’t mean they actually care enough to help you when you need it! It’s a fucking tough job to protect people! And they’ll push you through it nonstop until you break or go numb and become their little tool!”

Jackie stood up as well. “That doesn’t mean I’ll kill someone!”

“I never thought I would, either,” Marvin said bitterly. “But maybe you’re right. We all break in different ways.”

Jackie didn’t know what to say, but he wanted to say something. He stammered for a moment, then suddenly—

A musical tone filled the air.

Everyone looked towards the source. It was coming from JJ. He looked embarrassed and pulled his ringing phone out of his pocket. Turning away, he checked the number on the screen. Then he stood up. One moment, he signed, and hurried across the room, disappearing into the storage closet for some privacy.

“Huh. Who would call JJ? Don’t they know how one-sided that would be?” Chase wondered.

“Plenty of people do that anyway,” Schneep muttered. “Jameson complains about it often.”

“Well. Anyway.” Chase shrugged. “There’s, uh... a bit of a situation going on here. Marvin, right?”

“Uh... yeah,” Marvin said, suddenly drained of anger.

Chase grabbed Frosty’s leash, letting Frosty pull him into a standing position. “I’m sorry about all that,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry they never let you deal with things the way you needed to. And that they, uh, ignored what you said about the villain you knew a lot about.”

Marvin let out a shaky breath. He nodded, too choked up to say anything.

“And Jackie.” Chase turned to look at him. “You’re right. Murder is bad.” He laughed. “I don’t think anyone here needs to be told that. Even Marvin. But that’s not why he told this whole story. You asked to know why, and he explained. This... isn’t to, uh... justify things. It’s just to explain. To help you understand.” He glanced back at Marvin. “Right?”

Another nod.

Jackie’s head felt like it was spinning. It was so much. It was all so much. It felt like the ground beneath him was rocking, like he was standing on a ship about to go through a storm. The League helped people. The League cared about people. Didn’t they?

But Marvin couldn’t be lying. If he was, he was a phenomenal actor. That grief, that anger, that frustration was all so real.

“You two don’t have to get along,” Chase continued. “But just, like... respect each other, you know? Especially after this guy just bared his fucking soul to us.”

“Yeah,” Jackie breathed. “I... I’m sorry, Marvin. Sorry that... all of that... happened.”

Marvin stared at him. “Thanks,” he said, the word a single quiet syllable.

Jameson returned from the closet, clutching his phone in one hand. “Jamie, is everything okay?” Schneep asked. “You look...” He trailed off.

“Oh, wait, yeah,” Chase said. “You look really tired all of a sudden. What, did you do push-ups in the closet?”

Jameson laughed silently and shook his head. No, it’s just been... an exhausting time for a while. He walked over to the sofa and picked up the remote again, turning on the TV and flipping to the news (which was currently reporting traffic).

Chase raised an eyebrow. “You know we’re still here, right?”

Sorry, I thought some background noise might be appreciated, Jameson said, sitting down.

“Okay, sure?” Jackie said, a bit confused. “Uh... well.” He looked at Marvin. “I’m not... going to leave the League or anything. It’s... hard to, like... match up what you said with what’s already in my brain.”

“You couldn’t leave anyway,” Marvin muttered. “Quitting is a nightmare of bureaucracy, it’s basically only available if you’re retiring from hero work altogether.”

“Uh... that’s another thing that’s hard to match up,” Jackie said. “But as I was saying. I’ll... you said this might open my eyes, and... It’ll be hard to forget.”

“Good.” Marvin folded his arms.

“I just don’t know what you expect me to do with all this.”

“I don’t expect you to do anything. I expect you to think about it. I expect you to reconsider every policy the League has. I’m not asking you to go rogue, Windstorm. Jackie. I’m asking you to... I don’t know.” Marvin shook his head. “I don’t know,” he repeated quietly. “I’m only hoping you’re not as much of an idiot as I thought you were.”

Jackie paused. “Well... I’m still a bit of an idiot,” he admitted. “But I’m not a dumb idiot. If that makes sense.”

“That is arguable,” Schneep muttered.

“Whoa, hey!” Jackie whirled on him. “That’s uncalled for!”

“I saw you for three different injuries, Jackie. I’m sure at least one of those could have been avoided. Not to mention the binding situation.”

“Hey! What happened to confidentiality?!” Jackie put his hands on his hips. “Okay, just out me in front of the super villain, why don’t you?”

“Out? Wait. Oh.” Marvin’s eyes widened. “Oh, you’re—oh.”

“See?!” Jackie gestured at him. “He had no idea!”

“I mean... I-I don’t mind,” Marvin said haltingly. “I don’t really... care. I’m... also... in those circles.”

In the background, JJ silently nodded like Marvin had just confirmed his suspicions.

“Really? Oh, uh... this is awkward,” Jackie said. “I mean, obviously I also don’t mind, it’s just... I never expected to learn that about you.”

“I never expected to tell you. Just wanted to let you know I didn’t mind.”

“Yeah, uh... no one here minds, either.”

Silence descended on the room, thick enough to cut with a butterknife. Everyone glanced at each other, not sure how to break the quiet.

And then—

The TV screeched with static. Jackie jumped and whirled to look at it, as did everyone else. Black and white bars glitched across the screen. And then it all cleared to reveal a familiar face of green eyes and a jagged smile.

“Oh for the love of fuck,” Jackie muttered, covering up the sudden fear he felt with annoyance.

“I know you are watching, Windstorm,” said the Puppeteer, his computerized voice punctuated with static. “I know you figured out what I was planning. But all you’ve done is force me to adjust. Something is happening in the city, Windstorm. Can you figure out what it is? Or where they all are?” He laughed, the sound strange and robotic. And then the screen went to static again, and the normal news segment returned, with the anchor looking confused and worried.

“Shit! Of all the fucking times!” Jackie immediately ran for the window, then stopped. “Shit! I didn’t bring my suit!”

“You don’t carry it with you?!” Marvin asked, surprised.

“I do most of the time, but I wasn’t planning for this to happen!”

“You can never plan for emergencies, you can only prepare,” Schneep said, staring at the TV. “That was this villain. The Puppeteer. What did he mean by that?”

“I don’t know! Something is happening somewhere in the city!” Jackie patted the pockets of his hoodie, even though he knew he hadn’t brought his police scanner or the Red Line. “I have to go figure it out!”

“Wow, um... can we help?” Chase asked.

“Help?”

“Yeah, didn’t you say something about teaming up with this guy to fight the Puppeteer?” Chase pointed at Marvin.

“Your friend’s right, I’m not about to let this fucker get away with whatever he’s trying to do.” Marvin folded his arms.

“And I’m sure I could be of help,” Schneep said.

“I—are you sure, Schneep?” Jackie asked. “It could be dangerous.”

Schneep laughed. “Do you think I’ve never found danger in my exploits?” In fact, there was a fire in his eyes that said he was excited for danger.

“...okay,” Jackie said quietly. “You know the risks. And obviously Spitfire does, too. Um—Marvin does, too. But you two!” He pointed at Chase and JJ. “The best thing you can do is stay home! Where it’s safe! I don’t know what the Puppeteer’s planning, but it’s probably not good to be out and about!”

“Uh... yeah, that makes sense.” Chase nodded. “Do you think it would be safe to take the train back to the apartment?”

“I—Maybe? I can go with you. But JJ, please stay here.”

JJ nodded. He was slumped back against the sofa. I don’t want to go anywhere, trust me, he said. He seemed even more exhausted than before. But... Maybe when you go out for this, you can wear the gift I gave you?

“The—oh. Right.” The bracelets. Jackie chewed his lip in thought. “I think I can do that. I’m not sure how practical it is, but they can fit under the suit.”

I think it will bring luck, JJ said.

“I might forget, so no promises, but I’ll do that.” Jackie whirled around and headed for the trapdoor. “Now everyone! Move out!”

Without even waiting for them to respond, he rushed over, threw open the trapdoor, and ran down the stairs, skipping every other one. His head was still whirling with thoughts after hearing Marvin’s story, but there was no time to waste!

Time to be a hero.

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